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Chapter Text

(This story happens after Steven's return. Now an adult, with a lot of experiences, and with great understanding, he decides to visit Beach City again. Before that though, he decides to travel to some of the places he ones went when he was young. On his trip to Rose's sanctuary (the fountain, really) he founds there someone he didn't expect to find. Someone who he felt the need to apologise to)

"Why did you did this!?" cried Steven, tears falling from his eyes, holding her for dear life.

"I know I don't need to breath. I know I can't drown. But sometimes... sometimes it feels like I'm drowning. Sometimes I wonder: will someone, someday, rescue me?" was all she said, her gaze lost somewhere far away.

"You know I will. Always. You just need to feel better. Until then, I'll be here. With you" he promised, his gentle hands holding her face above the water. He knew he couldn't do anything to help her if the heart-shaped gem didn't want to.

Spinel cried silently that day all the tears she accumulated. Every teardrop a sign of her sorrow, mourning for what she lost and couldn't have, a sign of her pain, dealing with it all alone. No more smiles, no more laughter. No more lies.  

Chapter Text

"Wow!" the young man exclaimed. It was refreshing, after all the nightmares he had. But still... weird "Why am I wearing all of this?" he asked to no one while touching one of the necklaces. He really wasn't expecting an answer.

"Oh, they're my gifts for ya, Stevie" said the heart-shaped gem "so that you remember me" she smiled sweetly.

Captivated by everything, Steven didn't notice the gem getting closer and depositing a bouquet of flowers in his lap.

"Spinel?" asked the boy, confused "I must be dreaming. This doesn't make any sense"

"Maybe you're right. But isn't it wonderful? All of this for you. We, together" Spinel sat next to him "Where everything you want you can have it. Peace. Calm. Music" when she said that, a piano started playing "and love"

The last word was whispered.

"Now sleep, my Prince. It's time for you to rest~" she sang gently.

Steven did as told, and closed his eyes. The rest of the night he slept peacefully. Feeling warm and save. 

Chapter Text

~Our Paradise where we can be happy forever~

A white beach appeared suddenly in front of Steven. Something about this place reminded him of Beach City. And no, it was not because of the beach. 

Looking around, Steven noticed plants. A lot of plants. He was surrounded by them. The blue sky seemed to be cloudless. The Sun was warm against the boy's skin. His clothes, white as the sand of this place, fluttered in the light breeze. 

Someone laughed.

"That voice. That laugh!" Steven thought "I know that laugh. Spinel?" the young man called. 

"Steven, I'm here!" the brunette turned around "I'm here, Steven~" the same voice taunted him.

"Stop that, Spinel. I'm not playing this game" he grumbled. He was, honestly, tired. Not physically, but emotionally. He lost his girlfriend some months ago by a car accident and now he was here because he... He couldn't live without her. Steven was really sorry for his family and his friends, but he really wanted to be with Spinel. 

"Oww, your not funny Stevie" by her voice one could easily notice she was pouting. Then her laughter flooded the place again. It was soft and sweet, just as he remembered.

"Please Spinel, my cupcake, I just want to see you" pleaded Steven. He couldn't take it anymore. He really missed her. 

Pink arms appeared and wrapped around the boy's shoulders. A fruity essence was the next thing to appear.

"I'm here" said that same voice, much much closer. Just next to his ear. He smiled, his own hands holding her hands gently but still oh so afraid of losing her again. 

"I'm here" he said.

"Forever?" she asked.

"Forever" he replied. 

Chapter Text

"Kiss or not?"

Steven's face flushed a little right after Spinel said that to him. His arms were at his sides feeling the sudden urge to give Spinel his love into action like he always does.

Like hugging her. Hold her waist. Cupping her face. Holding her hands. Anything that he could touch that she could feel. 

But he was so distracted and so gone. For it was her eyes and voice.

Those spheres of pink magenta and fuchsia were sparkling right back at him. And they looked soft with emotions. Of love and alluring. They looked so mesmerising to where Steven couldn't bare to look away.

Now her voice was something else to him. It always sounded so bubbly and happy and joyful. Just like Spinel. But at times with just him and her, it was always so sweet and loving. So soft and gentle. And yet...almost hypnotic and even alluring. Her voice always seemed to get the hybrid in a trance of some kind. Steven has never been once tired of hearing Spinel's voice. It was as if he could hear her words every second of each day passing by.

He wanted to say something. Do anything.

Anything to get out of this gorgeous gem of a trance he was staring at.

But Spinel's body was against Steven's and her hand was over his mouth. Her gloved fingers over his lips.

Her touch against his.

Now Spinel's touch was indescribable to Steven. It felt very gentle and nice. So soft and smooth. He'd always like to hug her with her having a small curve of her own on her body. Not to mention she had some natural curvy hips so half of the time Steven would always love to hold Spinel almost by the hips while he kisses her sweetly and lovingly.

Sometimes they would cuddle together while doing at home activities. And to Steven Spinel felt like a stuffed animal.

He could love her smother her with care and a lot of affection with cuddles hugs and kisses to give her and very cute and soft and plushie like if he may add.

Her skin was naturally light pink and again soft no matter what. Sure he'd like to feel her skin, but her gloves are an exception.

It felt like everytime he held her gloved hands he would always think in the back of his mind, that those gloves hands...accepted him. In only one way.

Into her heart and yes pun intended

Steven felt so happy and almost honored to be loved by some gem as strong, loving, caring, sweet, and as confident and amazing as Spinel. And up to this point of being together he could never resist her...well, her whole EVERYTHING.

Her eyes.

Her voice.

Her adorable and attractive body.

Her cute silky and brushable pigtails.

Her beautiful perfect cut gem.

Her...lips.

'Kiss or not?'

That question went through Steven's mind as he noticed Spinel's lips were against the top of her hand.

He remembered they looked somehow more pinkish than her skin everytime he looked at them. And everytime Steven and Spinel kissed he would just be shot up into the stars of the universe at an instant.

And...they were so close.

To his.

If she just removed her hand.

And it felt like complete torture for Steven. Not kissing Spinel's lips.

It felt like he was losing his focus almost.

Steven had the question on loop through his brain. And he didn't know his heart was racing the entire time when this whole thing started. But it throbbed by Spinel's lips so close to his. If she could just ONLY removed her hand so they could share a tender loving kiss like they always do.

And it always felt like Steven and Spinel's lips were meant for each other just like them. They were like two puzzle pieces.

Fitted together if they just connect.

Her lips were so irresistible so intoxicating so...just so tempting.

Yet so far...

Chapter Text

Today Connie and Steven are on a date. The third of that month. They couldn't spend much time together since they were both so busy between studies and trips to different states.

From afar, wearing a gaudy pink sunglasses and red sweatshirt, a pig-tailed gem was watching them. Not for the first time, Spinel, the name of said gem, has been following Steven ever since this started. Hidden among the branches of the trees, or in the car among the luggage, or even inside an empty garbage can. You could always find her where the young hybrid was.

Today was no different.

And people were watching her, curious and amused by the strange behaviour of that seemingly young teen.

"Umm ... Another date with that human brunette" she muttered to herself. She reluctantly admitted that the other girl was attractive and sure smart. But it wasn't the best option for her Stevie.

The place was full of people, an old-fashioned restaurant. The couple was at the tables outside, luckily for the heart-shaped gem. It was hot, and if Spinel were human, she would be suffocating. And sweating a lot. Inside it must be worse.

Her sulky look did not detach from the pair. She was so so upset. Annoyed at not being able to be there. Annoyed that Steven has not visited her. Annoyed because ... just because.

Under her breath, the gem continued to mutter, "What are they even saying? Are they talking about me? No, no. Impossible. Steven is laughing. Agh, I wish I knew what made him laugh like that. This Connie ... this is her fault."

The flowers Steven had brought for the date, a cute white rose, are in a vase in the middle of the table. Forgotten.

"I would not have forgotten them. I would keep them close to me. Lucky her" she said discouraged. It was killing her not being able to be there. In her gem she could feel an unpleasant sensation.

She had, of course, thought of appearing in front of them, saying it was an incredible coincidence, and then staying to keep them company, subtly sitting closer to Steven.

"That would be fine ..." She shook her head to get out of her reverie. Her pigtails moved back and forth with each shake "I have to focus. I can't lose them from my sight, like the last time"

(Meanwhile, with Connie and Steven)

"Do you think we should invite her?" Connie asked, taking a small sip of her cold drink.

"I don't know" he paused briefly "She really should stop following us everywhere"

Connie laughed.

"It's not that bad"

"But Connieee ..." the young man complained "We haven't had a single moment alone"

"And she hasn't seen you since... then" they both knew they were not ready to talk about his corruption "She must be worried about you, Steven. That's all" she smiled softly at him. Comprehensive, as always.

Steven sighed, knowing that Connie wouldn't understand. Connie seems to be unable to see Spinel as more than just a baby. A big full of joy baby. With a really contagious laughter.

"Uuuugh" Steven laid his head on the table, exhausted "Ok, you win. Let's invite her. But if she starts acting weird, don't make me tell you: I told you so."

Connie, happy about that decision, got up and with great agility approached Spinel, who was still murmuring to herself, while thinking about what a date between her and Steven would have been like "Better than this, for sure"

"Spinel!" exclaimed a voice right next to her, causing the gem to screech and jump nearly a meter through the air.

"W-what...!?" she screamed when she saw her opponent in front of her. When? How?

"Would you like to join us?" the brunette asked, with a big smile on her face. Expectant.

"W-Why are you inviting me ??" asked the pink gem. She certainly would not have done it. Great, now she is even kinder than me. "Uh ... I, Umm ... What about Steven?" she said at last, unsure.

"He's waiting for us, of course" she looked in the other direction. Spinel followed her gaze, meeting Steven ... looking at her. Oh my diamonds! He's looking at me! The heart-shaped gem thought. She quickly shook her head.

"Are you sure?" Connie asked concerned. She hadn't expected a negative response.

"Of course I'm sure! Why shouldn't I! I-I have to go! Bye!" With that said, and with a hand on her "heart," Spinel ran off. In a very funny and cartoonish way. And with her face on fire. Steven had seen her!

Chapter Text

~Dream a little dream of you~

There was something about his dreams, Steven knew. He always felt so secured on them, always with that someone. But then... when he wakes up only the feelings remains. He doesn't remember who was that someone that made him company. The one that said so many precious words in his ears, soft whispers of love and care. Holding him safe and warm. 

And oh, that jewelry, a gift. And the flowers. Always there. Those were the only things that he could recall, and only when he really tried.

Every night he was excited to go to sleep. No more nightmares. Just dreams. Joyful dreams. She was waiting again tonight. 

And here he was every day waking up and feeling bad for leaving her behind. He was such a horrible friend.

~

"My prince, I do not care waiting for you. For when you close your eyelids you know I'll always be there for you. I promised I would make all the bad dreams go away until you're feeling betta' "

"But that sounds so unfair. What do you do when I'm not here?"

Steven knew who she was when he was in that state. He had so many questions, but was always so afraid to question her. But he was more afraid of not remembering her again.

"I'm dreaming of you. Daydreaming. For when you return to me again" was her response. He smiled softly. She's saying those things all the time, like they were nothing. But they meant a lot to him.

"I'm so glad" he closed his eyes, breathing rhythmically "Spinel?" he called her after some minutes passed. 

"Yes, Stevie?" she was next to him, playing with his hair. That always relaxed him. If he wasn't already dreaming the brunette was sure he would be sleeping right now.

"Will you sing to me?" the boy requested, almost shyly.

He didn't have to wait for long when she started humming a familiar song. He inmediately recognised it.

~My little reason why~

~'ll never make you cry~

~Oh I have got the sweetest things~

~ to tell you everyday~

~My little reason why~

~You make me want to try~

~Loving you~

"You know what, Spinel?"

"Mmm?" the heart-shaped gem looked at him with her curious magenta eyes.

"I think you have a lovely voice~" he said, almost singing. Spinel laughed beautifully, aware of the others eyes on her form.

Happy to be him to make her laugh that way, so freely, he swore to do it more often.

"You're not bad yourself, Mista' Universe" admited the pink gem, with a fond smile.

~

When the boy woke up the next morning all he could remember was that same song. All day humming that same melody. All day without knowing why. 

Chapter Text

Everything started in his 23 birthday. Connie, Greg and the crystal gems were preparing a party while Spinel was distracting him from finding it out.

"Spinel, for the last time, you need to let me go home. They are waiting for us" The boy explained patiently.

"... NO!" She yelled, desperate "You can't! Because... Because I have something to tell you! I don't know how though..." Spinel knew that she was digging her own grave at this point. 

"Well, hurry up. I don't really have time" the brunette said exasperated with the pink gem.

"I...Well, You know... I..." She tried again and again, noticing a lump in her throat "I just..." She looked at him dead in the eyes " What I want to say is... I like you" the heart-shaped gem confessed flustered. Somehow she could feel a beat in her gemstone. 

" You... like me?" he sounded surprised "I... Thank you, I guess? Look, Spinel, I'm glad we get along better, but I'm really in a hurry" he repeated. He was starting to get irritated.

"Not like that...! I really like you, Steven. Like, like you like you. A lot" she tried again, torn between feeling relieved that he did not understand her or upset.

"Ok...?" Steven was now confused. Spinel wasn't making any sense. She growled, beyond frustrated at this point.

"I love you you big dummy!" the pink gem shouted, her face flushed. She just couldn't take it anymore.

"You... what!?" he exclaimed "B-b-but! Spinel, I don't think you even understand what that means. I'm sure you're just confused" the boy tried to reason. 

"No! I'm not a kid Steven. And I've been on Earth for years! I know what I'm saying. And I know what I'm feeling"

"Oh, Spinel" That was all Steven could say.

"I'm sorry" apologized the other " I know you already have someone. But I just... I can't help it" tears were starting to appear. Steven sighed, suddenly feeling very tired. 

"Spinel. It's okay. I understand" he smiled gently "And I'm really sorry I can't say the same... But hey, at least we both know it. You won't have to hide them from me anymore"

Steven laughed awkwardly, thinking that maybe everything would be like before Spinel confessed her feelings for him. Spinel was left heartbroken. Cold. Empty. She didn't know. Both returned to Steven's house in beach city. Just in time for the party to start.

(night time)

While the others were saying goodbye to each other, the pink gem was far from there, alone, with a hand on her heart gem. Spinel didn't liked the party. She couldn't enjoy it the same way as the last ones. Not after that... How could she? The pain in her chest, the sting in her eyes, her tightening throat and her gem... Everything hurt so much. Someone else noticed it.

"Spinel?" He called the name of the gem. The young man sat next to her "What's wrong?" Steven asked worried.

"Nothing" 

"I know that's not true" he paused "Is it because of what you said before?" 

"I... No. No, it's not" She shook her head.

"Come on Spinel. Let me help you?" 

"Ugh... Fine! I just don't think I can live without showing you how much I love you, and without making you feel uncomfortable. Even worse. Connie it's my friend too. I could never do that to her" she explained.

"Well...That's true, but... I don't think you need to worry about that. She already knows it" He looked away.

"She knows? Wait. You told her!? Why??" she was feeling even more terrible. And she didn't think it possible "How could you...!?" she screamed, furious.

"I don't know what's the problem" said the boy, confused. 

"What I said was between us. Just us! You had no right!" she continued to shout. Tears appeared in her eyes. 

"S-Spinel. Please, calm down"

"No! Don't say me to calm down! Don't look at me like that. Don't... Don't come near me... Stay away" she said noticing how Steven was approaching her like a trembling wounded animal. Steven didn't listen to her. He knew how to calm her down. The hybrid's arms encircled her form and he hugged her tightly, her head above his chest to listen to his heartbeat. He knew she likes it.

"Shhh" he hushed the gem "It's okay Spinel. I'm here" Steven patted her head gently, his fingers going through her pigtails. Her body melted under his care "Spinel?"

The gem mumbled, not wanting to talk nor to move from her position. 

"Spinel, please, look at me" The young diamond requested. Spinel did so "Thanks. I wanted to apologise to you. I can see now how insensitive I was. And how my words affected you. I should have known better..." he sighed "I'm really sorry. But you have to understand, I can't love you. I love someone else..."

"I-I know" her voice hoarse and weak.

"Then I hope you understand..."

"I know! But... I don't care. Knowing that won't change the fact that I love you. It won't change anything... And I will love you forever, no matter what"

"Oh Spinel" He said faintly. Then an idea occurred to him. Maybe... Just maybe... "Spinel. I think I know what will make you feel better!" he explained happily.

"What?" she disentangle herself from Steven, looking at his eyes intensely.

"Gems don't age. And, even though I do age, maybe I'll be able to live for a few more years. Enough time for us to give it a try"

"You think so?" she was hopeful now. 

"Yes, I promise you!" he gently hold her face near his, to then press his lips on hers "There. I promised you with a kiss. I will give you a chance in the future, when Connie is not longer here"

He maybe thought it was a good idea to kiss her. To promise her something like that. And Spinel wasn't complaining. But to a stranger, that was terrible. Not really knowing when would he die. Not knowing if he will correspond. So many things would go so very very wrong. 

Chapter Text

(At Beach City)

Corrupted Steven tried to climb over the lighthouse,  towards Beach City, scaring the people from the town away. Alexandrite jumped on him and covered his eyes, trying to distract and getting him away from them.

Steven started to move and squirm around, bashing Alexandrite between him and the hill, forcing them to unfuse. The crystal gems watched him powerless from where they unfused. Fusion was pointless. They couldn't do anything.

Peridot moved herself and Bismuth through the air with her powers, hitting Steven.

"That got his attention!" Bismuth shouted, worried.

"Sorry, Steven!" Peridot apologised. She really didn't want to hurt her friend. No one did.

Corrupted Steven jumped out to the ocean to attack them, but Lapis formed a whirlpool under him and launched water chains to restrain him. He fell to the water, restrained, struggling against it and roaring again.

"I've got him, but I can't hold him forever!" Exclaimed Lapis. Corrupted Steven was too strong.

"Now what do we do?!" Said the purple gem. This wasn't at all like the million other corrupted gems from before. It was Steven, their family.

"We can't just leave him like this!" It was Pearl this time.

"We need to reach him in there. We need to bring out his humanity" said Garnet, thinking that perhaps that would work. She trusted her future vision. She trusted her family. 

Amethyst sighed, feeling worse at not knowing how to help.

"You know who would be great at that?"

"Who!?" Exclaimed everyone, hopeful.

"STEVEN!" And that was true. But it was not an option. And that left everyone feeling even more disappointed and helpless than ever. How did this happened?

Then, they noticed a shadow over them. Everyone looked up, seeing the Diamond Ship landing beside them.

"Yoo-hoo! Steven!" A voice was heard, followed by another voice. Blue's.

"Is this a bad time?"

"You gotta be kidding me" Amethyst made a face. 

The doors of the ship opened and Spinel jumped out, holding Steven's flip flop.

"You forgot your foot thong thingy" the pink gem said singing, when she saw the scene before her. And screamed. What was that!??

The Diamonds walked out, seeing the monster too. Spinel climbed up on Yellow Diamond's shoulder, feeling safer there.

"What is going on here?" Yellow used her authoritarian voice.

"Why is something like this always happening when we show up for a visit?" Whined White.

"What is that thing?" Asked Blue, curious but a little bit disgusted. She knew it was corruption but... She had a bad feeling... The aristocratic diamond preferred to think it was an organic monster. 

"That thing is Steven" explained Garnet. She hated hearing someone say Steven a "thing". 

The Diamonds gasped, some terrified, others in pain. It was... the worst thing someone could have said to them. They were losing someone precious all over again.

"WHAT?!"

"IMPOSSIBLE!" 

"Is he corrupted?" Asked Blue, fearful. No. It couldn't be! Not her precious child. Not again. She didn't want to lose him like her.

"But how?" Yellow thought that maybe... Just maybe, it was her fault. Maybe she did something bad.

"Never mind that. We have to change him back" Garnet reminded them. It wasn't the time to talk.

"Leave it to me" Yellow wanted to try to make it up for her mistakes. She can still help, right?

Yellow rubbed her hands and sent an energy aura towards Steven to try and revert his physical form to his normal self. Despite shrinking his head, it immediately reverted to full size and he roared, angry.

In all her time of existence, Yellow Diamond never felt like such a failure.

"With my new power, I should be able to alter his physical form."

"He's resisting. Maybe he needs to feel better first. I can help with that" Said Blue, hopeful. Blue conjured up her clouds of joy and sent it towards Steven, but he forced the cloud directly towards Blue.

Yellow run in front of her.

"Look out!" The cloud hit Yellow and Spinel, causing them to burst out laughing "Wow! Your new power didn't work, either!" She said laughing.

Spinel, also laughing, felt pain. A different kind of pain. Her vision was blurring, the voices disappeared. She couldn't hear anything. Why? It was black. Everything black. Except... Steven. That monster was Steven, but she didn't saw the corruption. No. She saw Steven. He was in so much pain too. He was angry. He was... hurt.

And she wanted to help. Why no one was doing anything to help him? No one could hear him? He was screaming. He was crying. She didn't want him to cry. She wanted him laughing. Not that painful one, but in joy. She needed to hear him happy. She needed... but she couldn't. 

"Steven! Please, Steven, I know you can hear us. You can hear me. Please... Please! Let me help you!" She cried. She growled. She screeched. She whined.

No one could understand her. Everyone was looking at her, but they didn't see her. She jumped down, growing, changing. 

She was corrupting. 

"Spinel!" Yellow cried, worried. Why was this happening? Why Steven? Why Spinel? 

"Is she corrupting?" Asked surprised Amethyst. 

Connie couldn't watch away from her. Again. Again. Again. This two... Both. They corrupted in front of her. And she was just a human. She didn't know what to do. Steven, she thought, desperate. What can I do?

"Why!? There's no reason for her to corrupt, is there?" It was Pearl this time. Nothing was making sense.

"She's corrupted because of Steven" someone said.

"Impossible!" someone else shouted.

"Maybe we can help puffing them, together" peridot tried. Garnet shook her head.

"We don't know what could happen to Steven" then she saw a possibility " Or maybe we can try something else. Yellow, can you use your powers on both of them? Harder this time"

"Yes!" More electrical energy appeared in her hands.

"White, Blue, Yellow needs more power" the fusion adviced. 

Both Diamonds nodded, and touched both Yellows arms, letting out their own auras.

"Everyone else, make sure neither of them escapes"

"What are you going to do, Garnet?" Pearl asked, before going with everyone else. 

"Me? I'll make sure they are save"

It wasn't really an answer. But it was enough for Pearl. Everyone was prepared.

(1 month later)

"Steven! Spinel! The dinner is ready!" Pearl shouted from the kitchen. 

Two little forms -one with pink scales, horns and claws, his tongue out, and the other with two red tails, dark body full of fur, no eyes but black marks all over her face- appeared jumping happily.

"Come on, guys. Not again" complained Amethyst at being jumper over, her face wet at being licked "Ugh. I'm going to take a shower"

"In the ocean?" Asked, surprised, the pale gem.

Steven and Spinel were playing with the food, some of them going in their mouth.

"Yes!" She groan, out of the beach house.

Garnet entered the house, looking at the food disaster on the floor and the sofa. And the roof.

"I see they like macaroni" she said, amused.

Pearl sighed, tired.

Chapter Text

The day they saw each other again, after what happened in their first meeting, was when everything started.

Steven was still unsure but... he needed it. And Spinel was the only one who could really help him.

"Spinel" he said, calmly. He was chaos inside his mind.

"Steven?" Spinel, she was confused. What were they doing here? In her garden. Why here? She was afraid.

"I'm sorry for the sudden call and... well, for making you come here" he apologised immediately.

"Then why? Why I'm here?" She asked, still suspicious of him. He couldn't look at her.

"I.... I wanted to... I wanted to ask you for a favor. I was wondering if you'd be willing to help me, but without telling anyone. please? "He said the latter with a kicked-dog look.

Spinel was surprised by that request. And, despite wanting to help him, how was she supposed to do it? And didn't he already have his other friends?

"Why me?"

"Well, you see. There is something I cannot tell them. I feel bad. it hurts here "he pointed to his chest" and here "this time he pointed to his head" I only ask you to relieve me of my pain"

"But how? I don't have healing powers" she explained, resisting the urge to jump and accept his favor. She also didn't know what she was going to get in exchange. And she let him know that.

"Oh, don't worry about it" commented the other, without a care "I promise you will even like to help me. We are both going to enjoy it. But first, you have to promise me that you will keep it a secret"

"Ok" the Pink gem sighed, resigned "I promise to help you and keep it secret. Now, what is this all about?"

"Hurt me"

At first, Spinel thought she heard it wrong. Steven, Steven Universe, would never do that. Also...

"What? How? You said you wanted for me to relieve you from your pain? How I'm gonna do that if I have to hurt you?" And the idea was both nauseating and exciting at the same time.

"I want physical pain to forget about my emotional pain" explained the young diamond" and, besides, I know you still want to hurt me"

They stayed in silence for almost five minutes, before Spinel jumped in front of the other, holding him from the neck of this tshirt.

"You really want this?" She made sure one last time.

"Yes, please" said Steven, breathlessly. And with a little but sincere smile in his pale face.

"Call me master" she requested, holding him even tighter.

"M-Master..."

"Louder. And with my name"

"Master Spinel!" He tried again, feeling dizzy. She let him go, leaving him fall to the ground.

"Good doll" she smirked, her magenta eyes almost shining in that dark place.

Chapter Text

We all know that love and obsession are not the same. But HOW do we know that? How can we be so sure? Sometimes... one is not aware of that fact, and sometimes one feels so much infatuation that they would do anything to make the object of their desire fall in love with them. 

Sometimes, all you need is someone to open your eyes to see the difference. 

. . .

"I'm very grateful to ya, Bloodstone" thanked the gem with pigtails "You've done a very good job" she grinned, satisfied, while holding a small vial with a strange and shiny reddish substance.

"And the payment?" growled the other.

The pink gem shot her a death glare. Bloodstone tensed, shrugging herself in an attempt to go unnoticed. It was not a mystery at Homeworld that a mysterious heart-shaped gem appeared from time to time terrifying its inhabitants and... collecting dangerous weapons, among many other things. And the Diamonds were ignorant about what their precious little friend was doing. No one dared telling them the truth. They were too afraid, and they were unlikely to be believed anyway.

Spinel roared with laughter. It was hilarious to her, that gems that look stronger and scarier could behave like... well, like cowards. She wiped a tear from her eye, not taking her eyes off the multicolored gem. She didn't trust her, after all. Fear is a good motivator...

"Your payment is out there" she said, pointing her thumb towards the door. Spinel was already getting bored with this gem trash, she didn't want to waste more of her precious time with those people. Soon... She thought. Soon we'll be togetha my dear doll. She giggled giddy with joy.

The next day, while Steven and Connie were eating together in a new restaurant, a silent silhouette appeared, changing its shape in the shadows. She was wearing similar white clothing to the other waitresses. And deep red hair, in a single ponytail. Her magenta eyes flashed for a moment before turning darker, to finally turning black. She was ready.

With confident steps, Spinel moved in the couple's direction, who seemed to have been waiting for some time now.

"I'm sorry for the wait. What will ya want to drink?" she showed them a sweet smile. The two smiled back, before ordering their meals. "It will take a while for the lack of workers, but I promise ya all it'll be worth it," she promised, her eyes glowing for a second. Neither Steven nor Connie noticed it.

"We don't mind waiting. We are on a date" explained the young man, used to talking about everything with strangers. Connie shook her head, resigned to that part of Steven.

"Oh! Congratulations! If you two want I can brin' ya the house speciality, a little cake, for free" she winked at them. Connie was going to reply that it wasn't necessary, but Steven cut her off, stars in his eyes.

"Oh, that would be great! Right, Connie? Something special for our first official date" he said excitedly. The brunette could not say no to that face.

"Then it is decided! I will try not to take too long to brin' your requests. Now I'll leave ya alone" she winked at them again, before leaving. Connie laughed nervously, embarrassed. But the hybrid clearly did not mind drawing as much attention.

"Steven, didn't you find it strange how she spoke to us?" the brunette commented a few seconds later.

"Uh? What do you mean?"

"It was like... the accent. It was familiar, is all" She shook her head "Nevermind"

They did not have to wait long. The young waitress moved with a funny step until she reached the couple's table, presenting them a strawberry cake. In white lines it said: I love you. It was, all in all, very romantic.

"I hope it's to your likin'" then she turned in the direction of another table, someone calling her.

"What do you think?" asked Connie at seeing Steven taking the first bite. 

"It's delicious!" he exclaimed. Connie laughed, enjoying more the happy face of her boyfriend more than the cake. Too sweet for her.

In the end only one strawberry remained. The two lovers looked into each other's eyes, calculating who could be faster with a mischievous smile. their lips formed a word: Go! And they both practically jumped on the innocent strawberry on the plate. Steven got it first, and put it in his mouth before Connie thought about stealing it. He sent her a victorious look. She could only laugh at his face, pink juice all over it. Traces on his fingers too. She picked up a napkin and began wiping the corner of his lips.

"You are a mess, Steven" said the brunette sweetly. Steven chuckled embarrassed, his hand at the back of his head.

But then, something felt... of. It was a feeling of mistake. Something was wrong. For some reason, it got worse when he looked at Connie. He felt sick. He couldn't bear to see her. Why? Only a few seconds ago they were having a good time. But the doubts... The memories of them together. All the things that she said to him months ago when he asked her to marry him, the time when she asked him to go out together officially as boyfriends... The time when the gems explained that it was Connie who helped them to heal him when he was corrupted. They explained what she said to open their eyes. And then more and more memories appeared. One after the other. The time she made him question his humanity. The time they danced in Homeworld ball party, causing them to fuse. She knew very well that they always ended up fused when they dance. It hurts. It really hurts. Why now? Why was he remembering all of this now? Now that they were together. Happy.

He wanted all of it to stop. 

"-teven!" a voice echoed around him. He felt a hand shaking him.

"U-Uh?" The boy blinked, his gaze focusing on the young woman in front of him. It was the waitress. Connie was next to him. It was her hand touching his shoulder. He pulled away from her as if he had been burned. He couldn't bear her touch.

"S-Steven! What's wrong? What happened?" her voice sounded worried.

"What... happened?" he repeated, dumbfounded. Right. He recalled all the bad stuff she said about the gems. All the stuff she said of him. Steven couldn't stop himself wondering why she wanted to go out with him now. She was, after all, still underage. While him... He was officially an adult.

This was very wrong. 

"Are ya' okay, youn' man?" the waitress asked. Steven shook himself from his dark thoughts, giving his full attention to the young pink-haired woman in front of him. Embarrassed by his freak out, he nodded.

"I'm okay. I... I just need to go home" Connie got up and walked over to him, her hands reaching out to him.

"Let me help you, Steven. I will accompany you, okay?" she said, a frown on her face. But the friendly smile remained. A forced friendly smile, couldn't help but think the young man. 

"Ah! No!" His cry startled the brunette, pulling away from him immediately. Seeing her like that, Steven tried to explain himself, still conflicted about his feelings for Connie "N- I mean, no. You don't have to. I'll be okay. I just want to go home. Alone. I need time to think..."

"But Steven..." said Connie, worried. She didn't liked the idea of leaving her boyfriend alone. But she could see he didn't want her to be there with him. Still, she was afraid of leaving him alone... 

The waitress coughed loudly to get their attention. 

"My shift ended a minute ago" she lied easily " He obviously doesn't want to go with ya. Look, I can take yar boyfriend to his home. It doesn't seem right to leave him alone in this state..." she gestured with her hand, when mentioning the last part. Obviously. 

"You're right, but you're a stranger... and..." Connie tried to intervene. How could that woman think she was going to leave her and her boyfriend alone?

"Connie, please?" pleaded the hybrid, making Connie look at him with a face that was saying 'Are you serious?' very clearly. She just couldn't understand him. He, HER boyfriend, preferred the company of a stranger over her!? 

"Fine! Do what you want...!" I'm not jealous. I'm not angry! I'm just disappointed. She kept saying that to herself. She wasn't sure why she reacted like that.

Steven sigh, tired, after arriving at his home. He turned towards the waitress, who seemed to be waiting in her car. 

"Uh, I... Thank you. And I'm really sorry you had to see that. Connie... She isn't usually like that. I don't know what happened..." 

"Nah, young man. Don't make excuses for someone else behavior. And she is right to not trust old me, a stranger"  she laughed lightly, pointing at herself "It's okay. I'm not mad. I'm just worried. Are ya okay?"

"Y-yes!" he suddenly felt nervous. Her laugh was kinda familiar, and so contagious. What was he thinking? "Thank you again!" he said, before turning around and running straight to his home.

The gem in disguise just kept watching him, an almost sinister smile appearing on her face. She didn't really regret doing what she did. Steven NEEDS to see who Connie Maheswaran or whatever her name is. She frown again. If they were going to be rivals, it had to be equally. And either way, whatever Steven remembered about her, it must have been horrible, according to his reaction. It was not her fault. She just made it everything more... fair. For the both of them.

Her knuckles turned white as they squeezed the steering wheel.

It's not her fault.

Chapter Text

¦°°°¦

1

Something went wrong, Steven noticed inmediately. He was back at the injector. He was walking over the injectors surface. Again. The anguish of knowing he failed was overwhelming, making him let out a cry of pain. Breathing heavily, Steven looked around. Everything seemed to have stopped. Spinel's back was in front of him some meters away.

"Spinel..." he called. His voice broke in a way that startled the pink gem. She looked at him, cautious. Something was wrong with Steven.

"Steven?" weakly, Steven moved towards her, making her take a step back.

"No, please" he pleaded, one hand stretch out "Please, don't go"

"W-what are you doing?" she asked, not understanding the pleading eyes, the sorrow in his voice. Why was he acting so weird? It was creeping her out.

Steven took another step towards the other gem.

"I-I need to fix this" the hybrid wasn't even coherent anymore.

"Stay away from me!" she shouted, suddenly feeling very afraid of the boy in front of her. She took another step back. Then two more.

"No, wait!" Steven screamed with his eyes wide open at noticing where was Spinel heading to. To the edge of the injector. It was too late.

Spinel's next step failed to find a surface and she didn't have time to react, trying to escape from the seemingly deranged boy. She fell. And fell. And fell. She didn't try to stop the fall. She didn't feel the need to. Spinel just closed her eyes, hoping her end could be painless.

"SPINEL!"

Chapter Text

¦°°°¦

2

With a sudden start, Steven opened his eyes. He was in the injector. The hybrid fell to his knees, palms touching the unexpectedly warm surface of the injector. So tired. Never had he felt so relieved to be here. Then, remembering what happened, he searched with his gaze at where he knew was Spinel giving him her back. 

"Uh?" she wasn't there, making the boy feel anxious. 

"Boo!" he heard at his side, making him jump. 

"Spinel!" his scream wasn't of someone annoyed at her, but overjoyed. 

"What's wrong with you?" questioned the heart-shaped gem, feeling unease by his response. 

"Nothing's wrong with me" he replied, like an idiot, not understanding what she was referring at. 

"Ugh, you weirdo" was the only thing she said making a face, before letting the silence reign. 

They stayed like this for some time, watching the destruction the poison was causing. 

Spinel was unsure of what to expect. Steven wasn't behaving how he should, the way she expected him to behave. She knew how much he loved his friends, this planet, so why wasn't he doing anything to stop her? 

"Steven" 

"Spinel" 

Both stopped, and then laughed at the absurdity of all. 

"You first" 

"No, you first" 

"Fine" Steven rolled his eyes, but the smirk said he wasn't annoyed at all "I... wanted to apologise" of course, he was talking about the times he failed her "I wanted to help you but I failed you"

"Whaaat? If anything I should be the one apologising" exclaimed the pink gem, a gloved hand over her gemstone. How confusing it was this moment for her. Steven shook his head but didn't say anything else. 

"I'm sorry Steven" she finally blurted "I really wanted to hurt you, and I still do?" she paused there, afraid of her own sincerity "But I want to be friends too. And I don't know how. I just want all this pain to disappear" she confessed with unshed tears in her magenta eyes. 

"I understand Spinel. Trust me, I do. You're not the only one who felt like that" was Steven's turn to confess. 

"Really?" 

"Yeah" Steven let out a bitter laugh, remembering all the times he was hurt and angry at someone. How much he wanted them to feel like him, hurt them the way they hurt him "But it gets better" he promised. 

"Hope you're right, Universe" she sent him a lopsided grin.

"Ah. It is time" said Steven, suddenly. He stood up, knowing he didn't have much more time. This calmness, this peace, couldn't last forever. 

"What are you talking about?" Spinel stood up too, watching carefully at the other boy. Was he talking about their time together? Was he going to shatter her? 

"Don't worry, Spinel, I'll come back for you. I promise" he wasn't looking at her but at the pink and grey sky. Like a bad omen, the sky darkened. 

"Steven? What's going on?" asked a petrified Spinel. 

"I'm sorry" that's all he said, this time their eyes found each other, transmitting all his sorrow. Spinel didn't have time to process what he meant, when she felt a rumble from the earth, the ground opening under them. 

"Steven?" she pleaded. So weak. So afraid. Like a little child, she was looking up at him, wanting to believe he would explain it all and save her. 

The injector started to shake violently, to the point Spinel had to grab the edge of the machine, not being able to keep her balance anymore. She then searched for Steven. He wasn't there. 

"Steven?" she asked again. For some strange reason, she looked down, noticing how far from the ground she was. The pink gem never feared heights, but in that instant, she felt cold fear gripping her, pulling her down. Down. Down she went. Her traitorous hands failed her, slipping, letting her go. 

"Steven!"

Moments later, when the crystal gems went to look for Steven, they would found a broken and bloody body with a blue shirt, and at his side, an equally broken gem in the form of a heart, stained by the same blood. 

It was too late, yet again.

Chapter Text

¦°°°¦

3

Steven was walking over the injectors surface. He noticed absent-mindedly that the crystal at the top was in a heart-shaped form, something that went right over his head the other times. Then he realised three more things at the same time:

One, the crystal was fragile, so easy to break. But so big. Like Spinel's heart. And he wasn't talking about her gem, tho that one too.

Two, he could do this. Do it better. If not for himself or the gems, at least for Spinel who never had anyone by her side. To help her. To save her.

Three. He would do anything for her. For the same lonely gem that tried to kill him and his family, he would open his arms invitingly and give the love she so desperately needed, damn the consequences.

The hybrid took one step after the other feeling his heart racing. Spinel was giving her back to him. He understood why easily -he hurt her without noticing- and she wasn't going to show her heart to him again.

He wasn't giving up on her the same way she did with him tho.

"Spinel" that one word conveyed great meaning "please, we can stop this. Let me..."

"No" she denied. She wasn't a fool anymore. He wasn't going to fool her ever again. 

"Spinel" Steven tried again. He pleaded. His intense dark eyes over her form, never straying "Please, listen to me" he asked.

When no answer came, the young boy approached the pink gem slowly. Exhausted, he stared at her for a whole minute while the rest of the world was ending. This was the moment. He could feel it. This time he wouldn't fail.

With all the strength he had left the hybrid closed the short distance between them, he grapped her body in his not so strong arms and squeezed their bodies together. His eyes were closed, some tears escaping from him.

"Let me save you this time" he pleaded in a hoarse whisper "Don't leave me. Not again..." he cried.

Oh so confused, Spinel wrapped her stretchy arms around the boy, noticing something that wasn't there before. He was cold. Steven wasn't suppose to be cold, she would know having hold his hands multiple times. The warmth so characteristic from Steven was gone. He...

"Steven, what happened to you?" asked Spinel in a small panicky voice, not wanting to believe she was the reason. Was he dying? Because she knows that's what organic beings do when they are too week to keep going. It's like the shattering, except they never come back. She didn't want to lose him. Not like this. Never like this.

Steven separated from her, his hands in her shoulder pads, looking at her with sad dark eyes.

"Don't worry. It's not your fault. This..." he stopped talking, not knowing what else to tell her. He knew he couldn't tell her about what was really happening, unless he wanted for this to stop working. He shaked his head "this is nothing" 

Then, like she didn't weight nothing, the boy lifted her in his arms, compelling the heart-shaped gem to encircle her arms around his neck, fearing he was going to throw her off the injector. Logically, Spinel knew that it wouldn't harm her. For the stars, the boy is not even capable of doing something as cruel as that. And still... She thought in fear, what if...

"Don't worry" he said again, this time with more confidence "You can trust me"

There was something different on Steven, tho Spinel couldn't put a finger on what it was. Despite that, despite the weird feeling she was feeling, she trusted him. The game was over. 

"Ok" she replied softly.

End...?

Chapter Text

"Hey! Are you Steven Universe?" I yelled from the top of the Injector. They all looked so small from here, I even thought of stopping the plan. But I'm not here for the views, so when I heard his reply, I smirked, "perfect" and I transformed my finger into a giant horn, and blew it.

Legs and a pointed drill then emerged from the bottom of the ship shaped as an injector.

"Move" I heard from one of them, as the ship landed itself on the ground driving the drill into the ground of the hill. I could see their silhouettes running from me.

Maybe... Things could have been different. I started to think. 

~ 1 ~

"Perfect" I said as I transformed my finger into a giant horn, and blew it. In a slow movement, the Injector started to move towards the ground. I saw the gems runnin' away from it, probably not knowin' if I was a friend or a foe. I want to be a friend. 

Then, I jumped from the top, tryin' to appear as meek and friendly as I could even with my knew form. Scarin' them it's not my goal after all. 

I looked at them, findin' their eyes over me, cautious, and I asked with tears appearin' in my eyes, not yet spillin', feelin' miserable, "I... I think I need help" 

Steven Universe run towards me, probably because of pity, and took my hands in his gently, guidin' me towards the rest of the Crystal Gems. 

"I didn't forsee this" stated Garnet, touchin' her visors, confused but relieved "Welcome to Earth..." she waited for my response. 

"Spinel" I sniffed, not looking at them, embarrassed by my own thoughts from before meetin' them, "My name is Spinel" 

"It is you..." Pink's Pearl whispered, realisin' who I was. I felt a sudden urge to punch her or yell at her. Why didn't she tell them about me? Why did Pink left me in the Garden? But all I could do at that moment was cry and accept the kind words and warm hug from Steven, who was startin' to understand that all of this was about Pink Diamond, his mother. Yet again. 

"I think we need to talk in a more..." Garnet looked at Pearl, then at Amethyst, and finally to Steven and Spinel "comfortable place than this" she said before walkin' away from us, to the Beach House. 

"W-wait!" I called after her "What about..." I watched worriedly at the ship. 

"Don't worry about it. It won't do anything if you don't want to" was all she said, leaving the others confused but making me feel better about my choice. Because it's true that I could have. But I didn't. Maybe this time it will be different. 

Chapter Text

~ 2 ~ 

I began to extend my body all aroun' the Injector ship and the lighthouse, stretchin' it as far as I could to gain more speed and force. The other Gems charged towards me as I began to unwind my elastic body.

Oh, that's right, I heard the story,

Don't really like how it ends

Gee, it's swell to finally beat her other,

Other,

Other friends!

With great accuracy, I slashed through the Fusion, the Quartz and Pink's Pearl with the scythe, poofin' their physical forms. Steven Universe watched in shock and horror as their gemstones fell to the ground. 

"That's enough!" he glared at me and summoned his shield. He was gettin' serious, as I expected. 

"Aw, what's the matter, Steven? Miss your friends already? Well, don't worry. You're right behind 'em!" I said mockin'ly. Please, believe me. 

I jumped into the air then, and slashed downward at Steven, breakin' his shield in half. Pink glowin' circuitry spread around his body briefly worryin' me for a short moment, until he successfully shook it off. He looked at his body, seein' that nothin' happened to him, and laughed, feelin' confident. 

"That was nothing!" he exclaimed. He sounded so arrogant. My chest burnt.

I snickered, not surprised. Like mother like son after all "Then I guess you won't mind if I do it again!" I began to slash wildly at him with the scythe while cacklin' maniacally. Like a broken tape. It's the only thin' I can do right. I'm the villain of his story. What else can I be? What else Pink wanted of me? 

Pained, Steven grabbed hold of the weapon and struggled against my grasp. I felt myself gettin' weaker. He is stronger than I thought. But no matter... This will end soon, I thought as I felt tears slidin' down my scarred cheeks. 

"Why are you crying?" he asked, shockin' me, makin' me loose the firm grasp I had on the Rejuvenator. The fear inside of me spread like a virus. I was desperate. 

"You don't poof, d-do you? Hmm, figured as much" I ignored his question, preferrin' to keep my act. But for how long? My hands were shakin'. My voice was shakin' "Just wait! Your human half won't stand a chance against my Injector" I warned him in a sing-songy voice. It sounded sad even to my ears. Tho I don't have those "Not after what I just did to your gem~!" 

"What are you talking about?" he grunted, startin' to feel something was wrong with his body. Or the gem. No. He forced himself to ignore the sudden feelin' of nothingness. 

"You weren't always a powerful hero, were you?" I kept talkin', still with my act. This needs to end now.

"Wait! Please, just tell me. Why were you crying? You don't really want to do this, do you? You don't want to hurt me. Us. Please let me help you" he pleaded, his eyes shining with unshed tears. He knows. He knows.

He knows! 

"No! You don't know anythin'! Don't pretend like you do!" I yelled, not quite there "You left me behind like a useless tool! I want to hurt ya and your friends. You deserve it!" I kept shoutin', pullin' my hair, my legs failin' me. I dropped to the ground, out of energy "All of this... This is what you wanted, Pink. This is one of your cruel games. Don't play anymore with me, please" I pleaded, tears runnin' down, drip, drip, dripping to the ground.

"This is not a game" I heard him, the rage in me intensifyin' and disappearin' as soon as it appeared "You're hurt. You being hurt is not a game" he finished, stoppin' all my thoughts. His words crashed against all that I knew, all that pink taught me.

I heard the 'clunck' of an object hittin' the ground distantly, and then my vision was full of pink, the moisture from my tears and snot soilin' the boy's clothes or whatever it is called what he's wearin'. It doesn't seem to be part of his body, I thought absentmindedly.

"It's okay. You won, yes? You won. You won from the start because it never was a game" he whispered, oh so close to me, his squishy arms holdin' me against his chest. And I cried, wantin' to believe in his words. Wantin' to believe in him.

Chapter Text

Over the years things have changed. Steven got better, living his own life as a half human. He married the love of his life and they had a daughter. He was happy.

His father died years later, but he was not alone, many people around him saying their goodbyes and creating happy memories together, knowing he was loved and would be remembered.

The Crystal Gems, well, they went different paths, meeting new people, travelling, discovering, tho meeting from time to time to talk and make up for lost time. Some gems married, some started to work, and others preferred to stay in space.

And Spinel... She stayed on Homeworld, with the Diamonds. She didn't make many friends despite her friendly personality -true friends- and her relationship with Steven Universe became increasingly strained. It was obvious to her that he didn't want to be around her, he didn't want to be friends with her. He just didn't want anything to do with her, nor the Diamonds. So she stopped visiting him, seeing him. Avoiding him.
Over time, Spinel drifted away from the Diamonds as well. Better make it her own choice rather than them. Even if it hurt.

Self isolation became a part of her, as well as her inability to make friends and stay happy. Deprecating thoughts filling her mind, encouraging her to stay alone, as she should have since the garden. She always suspected that was her true purpose.

Her inability to forget Pink, her inability to forget her pain. All of that was part of her. 

The pink gem just wanted to be happy.

Spinel disappeared one day.

At first no one noticed anything, probably already used to her disappearing for several days before always coming  back.

No one saw her on Homeworld nor on Earth. No one really cared.

But then a week passed. No news. Then another week. And then a month passed. And a month became a year. Nobody knew anything. Nobody saw her. Nobody heard anything.

Steven felt something in him break, as if he knew he would never see her again, and that he failed to help her when she most needed. He blamed himself, despite his family's and friends opinions. He knew the truth. Loneliness and rejection were what led her to disappear from everyone's life. And the worst thing is... he knew that everyone was going to forget her eventually, just like before.

She just wanted to stop the pain.

Chapter Text

Spinel’s giggle trailed off, but her smile remained and she turned to look at him, her eyes locking into his own. She took a step towards him, her hands touching lightly his chest. She asked timidly “Steven?”

He swallowed at hearing her saying his name in such a different tone, the temperature in the room suddenly too hot “Ah, yes, Spinel?”

"Would it be okay if I stole one of these red fruits?” Spinel wasn't really looking at the strawberries near them tho, only at him. And his heart started to race. She was so close. He noticed a faint floral fragrance making his head dizzy. His hands went around her waist then and he pulled her flush against him. So bold of him. Why did he do that?? But it made her smile softly before her signature smirk returned. 

“Well,” he murmured, with a deeper voice. He noted Spinel’s eyelids had lowered as she gazed up at him through her lashes “I...” he swallowed visibly nervous. 

“Hmmm?” Spinel murmured, her hands moving towards his curly hair now, just a gentle pressure, inviting him to lower his head towards hers. She saw this happening on a movie once and wanted to try it. Nothing wrong with a little teasing, right? “Cat got your tongue, Universe?”

His own eyes searched her magenta ones, not knowing what he was looking for. Not that it mattered as he felt so powerless against the pull of his head to hers that he had a fleeting thought of letting gravity take it over. He wanted to surrender to her so much, his heart racing in anticipation. His mind went blank, not able to find a good response. He was prepared for the feel of sweet and soft looking lips on his when Spinel suddenly jumped backwards out of his arms as someone entered in the kitchen with a bang, opening the door. 

“Steven! Spinel! Pearl and I couldn’t decide on what movie to watch. And Garnet won't take sides, so could you...?” Amethyst trailed, glancing between Steven and Spinel, who were standing a few feet apart now, Steven's busying himself by cutting strawberries with a knife, his hands shaking. He looked so shy and flushed that Spinel had to use all her will not to give in and hug him right there right now, a feeling overtaking her figurative heart. The Quartz smirked knowingly “Did I interrupt something?"

“No!” Steven answered with a squeak.

Both Amethyst and Spinel burst out laughing. Everyone knows how bad Steven Universe is at lying.

Chapter Text

"Why are you avoiding me?" Steven pleaded staring at Spinel's back.

Chapter Text

The feeling that envelopes me in a tight embrace, a feeling that doesn't want to let go of me, is drowning me, making me remember those times. Of better times.

Oh how I miss you. 

When laughter was my whole purpose, when your smile was my happiness, everything was simpler. This life, this moment and place, all I feel is a gloom surrounding me, holding me down from ever getting up. From catching up with potential friends. Maybe a new family. 

I need you to tell me I'll be alright. 

How I'm supposed to live with this emptiness inside of me? How to be happy? How do I smile in your absence? Not being able to hear your voice ever again, how will I ever be able to sing? It hurts to think I'm solo.

But you drifted away from me. 

You, who promised to never let me go, to always hold my hand. Where are you? Why did you left me alone? I miss so much those happy days. Or the sharing nights. Your warm embrace and sweet words. Your light kisses, your comforting hand on mine. I want to feel you again by my side. To feel safe in your arms. 

I want to surrender.

But I know you wouldn't like it, it would make you sad. I promised you I would always smile for you, always be happy for you. I can't. Not all the time, time without you. I will keep trying, I will continue, I will. But for today I surrender to my grief. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. 

Chapter Text

The first time became my favorite memory. I won't forget the first time I saw you, the first time you smiled at me oh so kindly, the first time you called me and held my hand, the first time you softly sang to me.

Hug me more, I want to feel your body protecting mine, feel your warm lips over me, my forehead, my cheeks, the tip of my nose, in my hand like a gentleman, and on my lips. Show me what is true love. That sweet intoxicating feeling. Your passion lights a fire inside me that I didn't know I had. I want to live. I don't want to let you go. Call me by my name, your warm hands playing with my hair, touching my arm and face, my hips and my lower back. Moving with music, soft scent on me, deep voice saying sweet nothingness, I can't fight against your love. No one else understands. You are the god that everyone talks about, whispering your beautiful words, an odyssey every time I hear your singing. So big is your heart, like the universe, wrap me in it, I need salvation.

Oh my love, my sweet nectar, I'm getting addicted. How to let you go? You are everything I dreamed of. The first time you looked at me and talked to me became my favorite memory. The start of everything. Your intense magenta eyes, your smile and the way you moved. I can't resist your charm, your sincerity, your light and love, shinning through your walls. That big heart for everyone to look at but not to touch. Overwhelmed is my every day to day when I see you. You were hurt once. I promise you no one else will treat you that way. Now you have me and I will take care of you like the goddess that you are. I won't let you go from my arms, and I will fill you with kisses, I will make you laugh no matter what, I will never make you cry. I will show you what you always deserved to have. Our love, this warm feeling, is pink, our color, and we will fill the whole world with it. We will flood everyone's lives with it. Tenderness, peace, protection, a happy ending. One that will last an eternity, so we will sing it for the whole world to hear.

Our goal is to love and be loved.

The first time we met, do you remember? We looked at each other and knew the truth. We understood each other, and with time we learned to love. Together we created the largest family in the entire universe. Let me take your hand, hold it and intertwine your fingers with mine. Let me call you by every inimaginable loving nickname and then your name for special days. Make you smile, dance in the moonlight, embrace you and feel your arms around me. I would kiss you and whisper your name again and again. Let me take you to the best places, bathing in the light from the stars, create our very first life and hope for the best. The very first one. 

Chapter Text

As in a trance, Spinel looked at the car go from where she's hiding, feeling more alone than ever.

She's still afraid.

After the car disappeared from her view the pink gem let out a soft sigh, tears falling uncontrollably from her tightly closed eyes. She clenched her jaw in an attempt to stop her pain from being heard, hands in a fist by her side, trembling with emotion.

It's a horrible feeling, love. Tormenting her every moment with no intentions of letting her go. It feels like fire running through her body, scorching her. Burning her. Sick, she's so sick of it all. So tired of the tears and the memories. Tired of his absence and his kindness. Ashamed of herself. Sometimes she wonders if it would have been better if she'd stayed in the garden. No messages from Pink Diamond's son. If she'd stayed ignorant about the truth would she have been happily waiting for Pink for all eternity? How long would it have taken her before losing all hope? The pink gem already knows the answer to that. She lost it before the Garden died.

She's so tired of pretending too. Pretending she's happy, pretending she's okay when she's not. Steven's right, she thought to herself with a painful smile, being better is more important than feeling better. Shame she never got to apologise to him as she wished. 

And that's the problem, isn't it? Spinel sat down against the tower, her arms around herself -legs close to her chest- in a mockery of a hug. She never actually tried anything. She didn't make any effort to change and make new friends. She tried to go back to what she knows, what feels safe, playing and acting like an innocent, stupid and loving gem. She never contacted him, never went to Earth, never helped, and yet she still expected him to appear as if nothing had happened. Such a foolish idea. In an desperate attempt to take the pain away she lied to herself and everyone else, she lost what she never had but could have had. She lost her opportunity.

She's sorry though. She's really sorry about everything. Spinel's not brave enough to talk to anyone about it out loud but she's ready to admit it. At least to herself in the solitude of her mind.

Her hands sneaked around her head, hiding her teary eyes behind her pigtails. Her hold tightened when she heard the all too familiar sound of the warp pad. After a bit of silence she relaxed. No one came.

She knows she will apologize to them, eventually, and she's determined to do it right. Even though she feels like dying when she's near someone else, she will. She has to. The words inside of her need to be out and heard. Maybe then her loneliness will leave her side. 

Chapter Text

Right from the start Steven knew, he understood that Spinel was different. At that moment he didn't think much about it, he was hurt and in desperate need of getting back his friends, his family. He couldn't think clearly. But then.... Then it clicked. Like a puzzle, everything made sense when he looked at her, took her in his arms and held her, surrounded by his protective bubble, until he was sure the explosion had stopped and they were safe. Her body, so close to his, felt like it always belonged there, between his arms. Her warm and sweet embrace, unintentional as it was back then, remained inside him, forever embedded in his core. He wanted to protect her. Care for her. Hold her forever.

Such sweet sentiment wasn't shared, surely, he thought. And he has Connie. Connie, who has been by his side for years, who supports him and... loves him. Maybe he should stop. But how can he? He couldn't shake it off, he couldn’t ignore it. And after he left her, her and the Diamonds, and became a monster... You could say that he felt very guilty and ashamed of himself. Sure, he knows he wasn't in the best state of mind, and she did try to kill him. Same with the Diamonds. And yet, he thinks painfully aware of that fact, they didn't deserve his bad treatment. He was just... so lost. Lost in his head, lost in his memories and his feelings from the past. Afraid of becoming exactly what he feared. He chuckled. It happened anyway. How stupid of him.

His therapist made sure he stopped insulting himself, made sure he understood that what happened was out of his control. What does he know? He wasn't there. He... Steven never told him the real story. Most humans, outside from Beach City and some other small places, don't know anything about Gems. About Aliens. It's better like that. He wouldn't understand anyway. Nor does he trust his therapist enough to open his heart and pour all his feelings. 

Spinel, on the other hand, would. She would listen, she would understand. All she needs is another chance and for him to actually take to her. Tell her everything. She felt the same way, she told him.

Steven Universe doesn't feel ready to meet her just yet though. He needs to apologise. The question is... How? Being near her makes him so nervous, his mind in turmoil, his chest tight. It hurts to see her with the Diamonds with that big - false - smile on her pretty face. And what a face! Intense eyes that show everything she feels, pink skin like a permanent blush, cute smile and curious marks on her cheeks. Marks that never disappeared. Even when she wants to show herself as someone who was better, who was happy, she couldn't hide the pain behind her magenta eyes, or the tension in her body, or even her pigtail's movements everytime she was down or unsure. She's so expressive that is a shock she has been able to hide it for so long. Not that the Diamonds knew what to look for. They never got to meet her properly, in her lowest moment. He did. And she was breathlessly beautiful.

He wishes they could start again, be better together. Maybe some day they will. He has found his Soulmate after all, and they have all the time they want.