Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Shep--”

“I have to report to Hackett.”

Kaidan sighed. He glanced back at Tali, who nodded and turned into Gerrel’s way, quietly herding him away from the war room and Shepard’s wrath. Hopefully, she and Raan would be able to keep him from doing any more rash stunts like he’d just pulled. He stepped into the comm room just as the uplink finished, and Hackett’s hologram appeared. “Commander Shepard. Major Alenko.”

Shepard glanced behind her, and for a moment, Kaidan was convinced she was going to kick him out, but she simply turned back to Hackett. “Admiral Hackett. I have an update on the quarian situation.”

Hackett glanced over at him, then back at Shepard. “Have they agreed to help?”

Kaidan was somewhat surprised that she didn’t break into a rant about Gerrel’s idiocy. He listened with half an ear as she detailed the plan to free Rannoch from Reaper control, watching her more than anything else. Her back was ramrod straight, shoulders a hard line of tension, and her hands behind her back were still clenched into fists. The obvious signs all pointed towards her tight control of herself, but he knew where to look. She was blinking rapidly, breathing a little too measured not to be deliberate, left leg almost imperceptibly bouncing, and to top all the little clues off, biotic flares kept flowing around her clenched fists. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into a crushing hug and let her lose just a little bit of that control she was barely holding onto. 

Hackett sighed and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “Well, at least there’s some sort of progress. We need that fleet, Shepard.”

“I’ll get it, Admiral,” she growled.

“Good.” Hackett paused a moment, glancing between them again with an odd look in his eyes. “Major Alenko, if you could stay on for a moment, I have some news I think you would like to hear.”

Kaidan straightened. “Of course, Sir.” Shepard nodded her goodbye and stalked out of the room. His eyes followed her for a moment, lingering on where she’d disappeared beyond a bend in the corridor. 

“Major. How’s life on the Normandy?”

“Fully settled in, Sir. It’s good to be back; thank you for letting me stay.”

“Shepard needs all the help she can get, and you’re one of our best. Besides, I don’t think I could keep you away if I tried.”

Kaidan blinked at that statement but chose to ignore it. “You said you had news, Sir?”

Hackett shifted. “Yes, two things. One of our scout ships picked up your biotics division just before Hades Gamma was completely overrun. They’re mostly in one piece and recovering on the Trafalgar.”

He let out a breath of relief. “That’s good. I take it they’re with the Fifth Feet?”

“Correct. I’d let you talk to them, but the comm buoys in the sector are a mess, and none of them have clearance to access this QEC.”

“Tell them I’m proud of them, and they better stay alive long enough for that training match against me and Shep I promised them.”

An enigmatic smile spread across Hackett’s face. “Will do. My other bit of news comes from Admiral Anderson. He tried to call the Normandy directly but ran into too much interference. He said to tell you that one Nazar Alenko recently found his way to the Vancouver-based resistance.”

“Dad? Oh, thank god. How is he? Did Anderson say anything else?”

“I don’t have specifics; you’ll have to ask Anderson next time he manages to get a call out.”

“Right. Thank you, Admiral.” Kaidan expected Hackett to turn away from the console and end the transmission, but he stood there, the odd look in his eyes back. “Is there, uh, something else?”

Hackett sighed. “How is she, really? Not whatever bullshit she tells the crew to keep morale up.”

Kaidan looked back through the door Shepard had disappeared through. “She’s stressed, but keeping going. One of the quarian admirals made a… let’s call it an interesting tactical decision, the consequences of which are making everything worse right now.”

The other raised an eyebrow. “What sort of decision?”

He bit his lip, the memory still burning in his mind. Shepard’s one frozen moment of immobility, the hand on the back of her neck, directly over the seals between her helmet and under armor before he’d pulled it off and adrenaline and training had snapped her back. “They fired on the dreadnought while we were still on board.”

Hackett’s eyebrows were so high they were almost invisible under his hat. “You were still on board?”

“Yes, Sir. I admit that destroying the dreadnought was a necessary maneuver, but with the sabotage Tali and Legion managed that thing wasn’t coming back online in the next half hour no matter what the geth did.”

Hackett crossed his arms. “I hope someone told Gerrel that wasn’t wise.”

“Admiral Raan chewed him out for putting the civilian fleet in danger, and Tali had to stop Shep from punching him in the middle of the war room.”

The admiral sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. “I suppose asking if she’s alright is a moot point.”

“She’ll be fit for duty in a few hours.” He left the I hope unspoken, along with the I don’t think she sleeps through the night and the if I can’t stop thinking about Alchera, who knows what she’s thinking.

“Do what you can for her.”

“I am.”

“Alenko. Kaidan,” Hackett started, the odd look back in his eyes. Kaidan decided the look was almost… amused, but warm. “I know her. You’re one of the things keeping Shepard sane right now. She loves you a lot.”

If Kaidan had been drinking something, he would have spit it all over the comm. As it was, he choked on air for a moment. “I don’t—She, uh, ah—I don’t know what you mean. Sir.”

Hackett was wearing a small smile. “I know. I’d just like to point out that Alliance fraternization regs have very little impact on our two Spectres, especially when Alliance leadership has a vested interest in keeping them sane enough to win this war.”

Kaidan didn’t manage to pick his jaw off the floor before Hackett signed off with a “Fifth Fleet out.” He stood in the comm room, mind whirling with the implications of that statement, because what the hell, Hackett?  for a solid minute.

“Major Alenko, I believe it would be wise for someone to check on the commander,” EDI’s voice broke him out of it.

“Right. Thank you, EDI. And, uh, maybe don’t tell Joker about what just happened?”

Shepard was sitting on the stairs of the captain’s cabin when Kaidan found her, arms wrapped around her knees and biotic flares flickering over her body. He sat next to her and reached for one of her hands. Somehow he managed to pry it off her knees and envelop it in his own hands, thumb gently brushing her knuckles. They sat in silence for long minutes before she spoke. “I couldn’t breathe.”

Kaidan squeezed the hand in his grip. “On the ship?”

She nodded, distant eyes still straight ahead. “Some part of me was utterly convinced that the seals on my helmet were broken. Still was, until we got back to the ship. I triple checked the seals when I took my armor off just to make sure. And, logically, I know they weren’t broken, that the entire thing was a PTSD response, an understandable response because hell, I died, but I just…” she lowered her head, coming to rest on her knees. “We shouldn’t have been in that situation in the first place.”

“You’re right. We shouldn’t have been. Gerrel made a mistake, and I think Tali and Raan are going to make him pay for it. Koris, too, once we find him. But what’s done is done, and right now, all we can do is get some rest and get ready for the next mission.”

Shepard snorted. “I’m so tired, but don’t think I could sleep right now if I tried.”

Kaidan shifted so he could wrap an arm around her and pulled her against his chest. “I didn’t say sleep, Shep, I said rest. Even if we just sit here and cuddle, that’s resting.”

She hummed. “Fine. Distract me?”

“How?”

She shrugged. “Talk?”

One topic immediately clamored for access to Kaidan’s tongue. “I think Hackett basically gave us permission to break fraternization regs,” he blurted.

Shepard’s head snapped up. “What?”

“Apparently, uh, it’s tough to get regs to stick to Spectres? And we’re both Spectres, and he knows you too well. I think he’s worried about you. Or Anderson is worried about you, and it rubbed off. Both? He pretty obviously knew something about us, and flat out told me to take care of you.”

She stared at him for a moment. “Huh.”

“EDI has some great footage of my jaw on the floor.”

Shepard smiled and leaned back against him. “Maybe later. He can’t possibly have just asked you to stay to tell you that.”

Kaidan tucked her head under his chin. “Not exactly.” He told her the news of his father and his trainees and regaled her with stories from training them when she asked. Slowly, the tension bled out of her posture, and her breathing steadied out. He trailed off with a smile when a soft snore emanated from her mouth. A few moments maneuvering enabled him to pick her up and gently deposit her on her bed. He pulled both their boots off and settled down with an arm around her waist. “EDI, wake us up when we have a lock on Koris.”

“Of course, Major. Sleep well.”