Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was a quiet day.

The kind of quiet where, if one were to step outside, one would hear nothing but the gentle hum of the wind. No aggressive city sounds, no car screeches, no voices or yells, no phones ringing or emergency calls. Just… the wind. Yukio liked those days. It was no lie to himself or anyone who observed him for two minutes that the teenager was a stressful mess, even during his best moments, but these days were the few exceptions where he could simply stand still, and listen to nothing. Thinking about nothing. For once.

He stepped outside the old dorm, and took a moment by the door to listen carefully, smiling when he realized it was one of those times. He didn’t have anything on his schedule… for now anyways. He could take a minute or two.

But, as he leaned on his forearms by the railing overlooking the impressive view of True Cross Academy they had from their spot, his ears caught something… carried by the wind… It wasn’t an annoying sound in any way, in fact, it was rather… gentle. And familiar.

“Mmmh, mh mh mmmh, mh mh mmmh, mh mmmmmh…”

He slowly turned back, eyes searching.

“Mmmmh, mh mh mmmh, mh mmmmh, mmmmmh…”

The humming was that of someone who wasn’t great at singing. The notes were slightly off-key, the rhythm a bit off. Anyone with a musical ear would cringe at them. But… Yukio knew this melody. It rang. And rang. Deep inside his innermost memories, like the toll of bells and the echoes of whispers in a chapel. It smelled of incense and old wooden benches. And suddenly, he was back as a six-year old, standing with his twin brother in a choir, singing songs for their church as best they could. His brother couldn’t sing very well, but he did it wholeheartedly, and Yukio had done his best to imitate him. He couldn’t sing well either, so they sang off-key together, much to the irritation of the other choir members.

“Mmh, mmmmmh, mh mh mmmh… Mmmmh, mh mh…”

His eyes looked up. His brother was sitting on the roof of the building, legs dangling down, head towards the clouds. Humming softly to himself.

Just like him, not a care in the world. Nothing on his shoulders. For once.

Yukio stood very still for a moment, before settling his back against the railing behind him to listen. The silence was good, but… this was nice, too.

Chapter Text

The summer night was as hot as the daylight had been, but for completely different reasons. The smell of burnt trees and forest fires, mixed with the normally nice smell of summer rain, created a most foul, itchy stench that spread throughout all of campus, and of course, into the old dorms.

Shura had told Yukio the good news. Rin would live. For now. But the bad news far outweighed the good, in his opinion. His brother would live, but at what cost? Now their secret was out. Now his brother wouldn’t be able to live as a human, wouldn’t be able to pretend anymore. And that fact alone scared Yukio. It scared him to death. Every single day since Rin had awakened as a demon, they each took a step away from the other. Tonight, they had taken a leap.

Shura had dropped Rin off at the dorm, informing Yukio that he should take a look at his leg - something about Angel being a prick - and that she’d be back the next day to work out the details regarding Rin’s sentence. By the time she had left and Yukio had closed the dorms’ doors, Rin was gone from the entrance lobby. Yukio cursed under his breath.

He wanted terribly to feel nothing but anger toward his foolish brother. Anger and exasperation and contempt. He had acted irrationally, beyond their established seal of secrecy, he had jeopardized everything he and their late father - who must be rolling in his grave - had worked on for fifteen years-

I’m sorry, Yukio. I just don’t have it in me to lie and trick people.

The young exorcist sighed deeply, exhaustion settling in. He needed to write his report.

And it was on his way toward their shared room, in the dark, stenchy hallway, that Yukio saw his brother again. He was heading his way, a bundle of clean clothes in hand, head bowed down so that his drenched hair fell over his eyes. Yukio couldn’t help but spot a slight limp in his step. They each stopped at the same time, a good meter between them. Not saying a word to cut the ice, freezing them in time in this position. Yukio stared at nothing but his leg, brows furrowed in half-contained anger. Eventually, Rin looked off to the side.

“Sorry for ruining the camping trip…”

Rin walked past him. And Yukio caught a glimpse of his eyes; puffy, red, soaked, too. The younger twin wanted to hold him back, wanted to yell at him, hug him, be glad he was alive, congratulate him for bringing back the peg lantern as a team, thank him for saving Shiemi, make him sit so he could take care of his leg, hold his hand and tell him everything was fine.

But he did none of that, and said nothing instead as he resumed walking toward their room. He had a report to write.

Chapter Text

When a sense of awakening finally broke through the thick barrier of sleep that surrounded him, Rin became aware of two things.

The first; his body was nothing more than a bundle of pain, a grouping of stretched out muscles that felt like they were melting and burning, a formless puddle of fiery goo.

The second; he wasn’t alone.

He didn’t know how he knew it, but what his jellified mind was trying to tell him was that he was safe. Despite everything, he was safe. So he took his time. Trying to breathe, trying to swim through the puddle of molten flesh that he was reduced to, trying to feel the air coming in through his nose and out his mouth. He winced when his miserable body became aware of the surface he was laying on, suddenly very much aware of each of his limbs. His arms were crawling with a million little bugs, up and down and biting and nibbling into his melted flesh. His legs were so numb, he was only aware of their existence down to his thighs, and beyond that, was only a void.

He was very aware, but whether he was actually awake escaped him completely. A shiver ran through him, and he grimaced. That action meant he still had his face, which he considered was good. His eyelids were sewn together, and his ears were closed shut, blocking out all sounds. But his nose still worked fine, and was still as sensitive as he remembered it being. He breathed in… He smelled… fresh pine cones, and the scent of snow in the morning and summer rain, with a trace of gunpowder. He would recognize that smell anywhere. More smells floated by his being, invading his space with scents and awareness; freshly cut grass and morning dew, autumn nights and jasmine, incense and old yellowed pages… He knew all of those too, and, somehow, felt even safer.

He became aware of something holding a tingling mass that he could only guess was his hand. The grip was tight, and warm. He tried holding it back, feeling a flicker of his fiery muscles obeying him. Sounds began filtering in through his clouded head, muffled words and whispers he couldn’t decipher, and he suddenly wanted to hear and see and feel, more than he ever did before. So he put all of his strength into constricting his face and forcing his crusted eyelids open. When the light filtered in, effectively blinding him, he closed them again, grimacing once more, and it took a few attempts before he could fully open them. He blinked, his vision a messy blur, and his first instinct was to turn his head to his right. He blinked slowly at the form sitting there, holding his hand.

“...ii-san… N… san, can you hear me…?”

“...still looks out of it…”

“...ut he’s awake…! Rin, are you okay?”

“Nii-san…”

Rin blinked a few more times, and his vision finally cleared enough for him to recognize that face looking at him. Those spectacled turquoise irises were a sight for his sore eyes. He smirked, the movement stretching more fiery muscles in his face. He didn’t care. He was happy, and safe.

“Yu...kio… You’re… still here…”

He barely had the voice to raise it to a whisper, but his brother heard it, and both of his hands were on his. He liked the smile his younger brother was giving him. He had missed it and its honesty. He wanted to cry.

“Yes… I’m still here, Nii-san. I’m not going anywhere. It’s alright, you can relax. It’s all over.”

It took a moment for those words to fully penetrate the cloud of his mind… and when they did, his vision blurred again. The tears flowed freely, with no restraint, and he closed his eyes, a whimper escaping his pained throat.

It was over.

It was over, and his little brother was still there, holding his hand.

It was all he had ever asked for.

Chapter Text

For a being such as I, time is a strange little thing.

It’s fleeting, but also constant. It’s out of my grasp, but I can see it. That’s all I can do to it, really. I watch it. I watch it go by, and I watch it fleet away, like the remnants of a hazy dream come morning.

My younger years were spent thinking time was limited. One day, like my old man, I would reach an age where my back would crack and my bones would hurt, and I’d say “this is time passing by for me.” I would see my brother grow old with me, and not really pay much attention to it because time is constant, and fleeting. It is natural. We are born, we live, we grow old, we die. I had accepted it at an unusually young age, but didn’t make much of a deal about it at the time. After all, isn’t coming to terms with your own mortality part of life, too? It is one of humanity’s greatest and most repressed fears.

I lost track of time long ago, I don’t exactly remember when. Perhaps it was when I woke up one morning, looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, and saw the same face looking back at me. Twenty-five years old. Again. And again. Forever.

I saw my brother that day. He had crow’s feet growing near his eyes. I looked at our old friends, they were aging too. White hair. Skin spots. Fading scars. I looked at my wife and I watched her grow old. I saw our children growing up, and having children of their own.

And still that same face was looking at me.

Time had forgotten me, it seems. But it’s alright. Now I watch my grand-children and their children, my brother’s grand-children and their children, and I accept that this is how it is. Humans must accept their own mortality, and I’ve accepted theirs. Demons, on the other hand… must accept their immortality.

Now, long after all was said and done, I walk alone, with this acceptance making my steps light. I make my way home, and I see that time is constant, and forever fleeting.

And it’s alright.

Chapter Text

Yukio was so used to living alone with his brother at this point that he forgot what it was like to have many people in the same building. Even from the dining room, where he sat at his and his brother’s usual table to study up for his last exam of this semester, he could hear laughs and casual talk from the common room down the hallway. The cram school students had finished all of their exorcism exams, and as was customary by now, they were all together here for a night of games and movies as a reward.

It was rather late now, and they had long since ditched the games for some movies. Yukio wasn’t much of a movie-goer, so he hadn’t recognized any of the titles when he had skimmed through the collection earlier. Still, he was glad his students were enjoying their night, they deserved it. They had done mostly well during their cram school work as of late, and he was glad to admit that even Rin had been getting better. At least enough that he was sure he would be able to keep going. That had been a relief.

While he was lost in his thoughts, he jumped slightly when his phone buzzed suddenly. It was flat on the table, so the rumble echoed loudly like an alarm. Pushing his sliding glasses up his nose, he glanced at his notifications. A text from Suguro-kun?

‘Sensei, your brother is purring. Is that normal?’

Yukio blinked. Rin was what?

Without a second thought, he rose from his chair and made his way to the common room, where everyone was sprawled around a couch in front of a tv they had brought from another dorm, and already he could hear their snickering and suppressed giggling. Quietly going behind the couch, he spotted Rin, comfortably snug sandwiched between Shiemi and Suguro, sleeping away with his eyes half-closed, his body cuddled up against Suguro like the aria was a pillow. Suguro and Shiemi were casting glances up at Yukio, looking unsure if they should laugh or be worried. Yukio listened.

Sure enough, there was a soft, consistent growl echoing up from his elder brother with each of his breaths. Sure enough, Rin was purring. And he knew for a fact that it wasn’t coming from Kuro.

Well, that was new. He supposed it was another thing he could add to the list of oddities that now made up his twin brother.

He smirked, and silently gestured to his students that everything was fine. As he left them to their movies, Yukio felt a light pang in his chest. He hadn’t seen Rin look this at peace in what now felt like years… and he didn’t know what to make of it.

Chapter Text

‘ Oh. He’s gone.’

The thought rang through his head like a gong echoing across an empty lake, ripples and waves repeating the words like hushed secrets.

He hadn’t invited that thought. It simply… understood the reality of the situation without his consent, without his ready. And quite suddenly, it hurt. Like a coiling wire tightening around his chest, pangs of sudden dread reverberating out of his heart, pillars of blue and burning and bright and blinding.

‘He’s gone.’

It had been a little over a week since he’d moved here. It had been a little over a week since he’d stood before his father’s grave. Until now, he thought he’d been going on grit and determination alone, but now, as he laid on his bed and stared blankly at the cracks of the ceiling above him, arms limp to his sides and so very much aware that he had a tail and that he should not have a tail, that his long ears were poking into his pillow and they shouldn’t be this long, he realized he’d been lying. He’d been going on autopilot. It was just like whenever he’d come out of a really bad fight. He’d go to the kitchen and cook mindlessly until he felt better. It felt just like this, but cooking didn’t help. Fighting didn’t help. He couldn’t forget. He never would.

‘He’s… gone.’

Silently, he turned his gaze away from the ceiling and over to the other side of the room, where he settled on watching his brother sleep. The same way he realized he had a tail, he realized now that he could see better, clearer, even in the dark; he could see the little details of his twin’s face, tension lines softened and relaxed as he slept away, probably off to some reality where none of this was real. He could hear better too. His soft breathing and light snores would have been relaxing to listen to on any other night. Now they were a reminder of everything that had gone wrong, of everything that now sat on him, and laughed at him, and loomed over him.

‘What… do I do now?’

His hands gripped his bedsheets, and he felt each and every strand like individual nerves. He existed now more than he had ever done before, and it was painful. He was aware of everything now more than he had ever been aware of before, and it hurt.

He wanted to go home.

And it hurt, because there was no home to return to.

Chapter Text

By now, many months after first knowing the twins, Suguro had grown used to their constant sibling bickering. Rin was the only one who was able to make their teacher’s façade crack open, even if for a mere moment, to reveal the face beneath. And what a face it was.

“You never stop to think about what you’re doing!! You’re the most irresponsible-”

Although… now he had to admit that things were much different than he had first perceived. Was it simply a brotherly rivalry?

“I do think of the consequences!”

Or was it something deeper?

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you act like you do? Why are you so adamant in running face first into fights without even-”

Something darker?

“I get it already!”

“No you don’t ! Because of your thoughtless actions, Miwa-kun got injured, again , in a perfectly avoidable situation!”

Something that went beyond just a quarrel?

“You don’t think I know that?! What’s the point of repeating it?!”

“So it gets through your thick skull! Start thinking, or you won’t go anywhere in your life, or worse, you’ll lose said life to something stupid! You can’t be an Exwire forever, Nii-san! I can’t believe I have to repeat myself again, how many more times will I have to?!”

“I get it !!”

Suguro and Miwa both stood in the hallway at the old boy’s dormitory, incapable of moving further to enter the scream-filled kitchen. To his side, Konekomaru was awkwardly biting his own lip, a bandage wound tightly around his head. It was clear he felt guilty, being the source of such vehement reprimands, but had no way of externalizing it otherwise. Suguro turned back to the door. The voices inside had calmed.

“-and don’t forget to finish that homework that’s been sitting around, you can’t afford to fail your classes.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going now. I won’t be back until later tonight, so don’t bother waiting for me for dinner.”

“Yeah. See ya.”

Okumura’s voice was small, tight as a rope. Mr. Okumura appeared in the doorway, in full uniform and ready to leave. Even from his spot, Suguro could see that his neck was still strained from all the yelling, but when he passed by them he greeted them as calmly as he always did with a nod of his head, briefly stopping to ask how Miwa was doing, before going on his way. Suguro was the first to enter the kitchen, his short friend quick on his heels.

At first glance, the place was empty, with just a few chairs askew, but then they spotted Kuro sitting on the counter window that separated the dining hall from the kitchen. The demon cat looked back at them briefly, but then he jumped down the counter out of view and they could hear him meow softly.

As expected, they found Okumura in the kitchen. Bent over at the center islet, leaning on his forearms with his hands clasped tight, too tight. He didn’t look up.

Suguro took a step forward, and then Hell broke loose and suddenly Okumura was yelling and pushing everything off the counter, plates and pots went flying and food was splattered on the walls and the floor, and Suguro and Miwa wisely decided not to stop him. Funny, how Suguro, who was able to keep his calm and cool when facing off against all sorts of monstrous demons, found his heart wavering and breaking at the cracking screams coming out of his friend’s mouth. They were nothing like the screams of an enraged demon, yet somehow they were worse. When Okumura stopped, the out of breath teen slumped behind the islet, brushing his back against it all the way to the floor, out of view.

When all was quiet, that was when they approached him. Miwa kneeled down next to him, and Okumura looked up from behind his crossed arms. His eyes were red, but he wasn’t crying. He looked resigned.

“Sorry,” he let out in a hoarse voice, and it took a moment for Suguro to realize he wasn’t talking about this episode. He was talking to Konekomaru, who shook his head gently and smiled lightly.

“Don’t be. It wasn’t your fault, Okumura-kun. If anything, you saved me back there. I should be thanking you, you know.”

The halfling looked surprised, as if he hadn’t even thought of that possibility, and rubbed his nose with his sleeve, sniffing lightly. Suguro sighed, and crossed his arms.

“Okumura, why do you let him do that to you?”

Rin looked up at the taller teen, visibly confused.

“Huh?”

“Mr. Okumura. Why don’t you stop him to explain when he misunderstands your actions like this? It’s not the first time he does that. Why don’t you fight back and tell him what you really think? Why don’t you stand up for yourself with him?”

Okumura was quiet for the longest time. His head lowered, and he looked off into space. All trace of anger or sadness was gone, replaced by a strange melancholy.

“‘Cause he’s all I’ve got,” was his reply. “I don’t fight back, because I don’t want to hurt him. No matter what, he’s my little brother. Last time I fought back, Dad…”

He trailed off. But when he looked back up at Suguro, the half-demon was smiling, poorly hiding his previous mask with another.

“It’s fine though. I know he just wants what’s best for me. So it’s okay. I forgive him.”

Suguro bit the inside of his cheek, very much unsure of what to say about that, but still he held out a hand to the half-demon and helped pull him up to his feet. While he helped Rin and Konekomaru clean up the kitchen, with Rin apologizing profusely for his outburst, Suguro couldn’t help but think…

Those brothers had a lot of issues. And he didn’t know what to make of them.

Chapter Text

It should have come to no surprise to Yukio, when Rin finally came back home that night, to find him in this state.

Battered and beaten, a bloody lip and nose, a cut above his already darkening eye, and his ruined and tattered shirt covered in splotches of blood and mud. And yet, with reflexes kicking in, the younger twin gasped and made a move toward him, only to have Rin shoo his hand away, turning his head to walk off stubbornly.

Yukio frowned. He’s not running away this time.

Before Rin could get far into the monastery, his twin caught up to him and grabbed his wrist, taking him by surprise when he began to pull him along to the empty kitchen. Thankfully, Rin didn’t fight back, but he was also strangely silent, even as Yukio forced him to sit sideways on a chair and fetched the first aid kit. He gestured his hand to his shirt.

“Take it off.”

Rin sighed deeply in annoyance, but Yukio saw him visibly bite back some words and he obliged. As he raised his shirt over his head with a hiss and let it fall on the table, Yukio walked around him to take a look at the damage. Cuts and bruises littered his back, all the way from his shoulders to his hips, and Yukio’s imagination went wild with what could have happened to his twin. Still, in silence, he pulled another chair to sit behind him and went to work. Gently cleaning the wounds, disinfecting them, applying balms and bandages. Almost mechanical work. Rin was still quiet.

“What happened?”

He didn’t expect a response from his stubborn brother, but it came eventually, in a solemn mumble in the silence of the kitchen.

“They were harassing this girl… About six of them, college assholes I think.”

He sniffed, but not because he was crying; Yukio saw him raise a hand to his nose and pull it away with blood on his fingers. Rin extended his arm to take a tissue from the table.

“I broke their legs and busted their noses,” he continued. “The big ones jumped me and started kicking the shit out of me. Doesn’t matter, I sent ‘em cryin’ home. The girl’s okay… so… it’s fine, right?”

Yukio’s hand shook, but he gently wiped a cut on the back of his shoulder. He bit the inside of his cheek.

“Yeah,” he replied. “It’s okay. You did something good, Nii-san.”

Rin’s shoulders deflated, and his head lowered.

“Did I? Hmph… right after Dad told me to get my shit together… He’s gonna blow a fuse again. I was just tryin’ to…” He sighed, and his voice hushed. “I don’t think I’m cut out to be a respectable member of society.”

Yukio was quiet for a moment. He unrolled a gauze of bandages and coaxed his brother to raise his arms.

“Mmh… There’s all kinds of people in this world, you know. I think you’re already doing the best you can. I mean, you did save that girl, yeah?”

“Yeah…”

“Then you’re already doing what many people can’t. Even if society doesn’t know you’re trying your best… I do. And Dad does. And everyone else here too.”

Rin remained quiet for a long time afterward, and Yukio took it as him thinking it through. When he was done applying bandages and covering all of his wounds on his back, he moved around to take a look at his face, and despite finding it bloody and beaten, Rin was smiling up at him, ever so slightly.

“Thanks, Yukio…”

He smiled back, and went to work on fixing that bloody lip.

Behind the kitchen door, Shiro crossed his arms, his back against the wall, and sighed. He didn’t berate Rin about his behaviour that night.

Chapter Text

“So… you need help in the garden today?”

The sun was bright that day, and on bright days like these, Shiemi was always glad to have some company in the garden - especially if it was a friend like Rin! So it was with a wide grin that she turned to him, as they both walked out of the shop where Rin always got his popsicles, and nodded her head gingerly.

“O-of course! You’re always so helpful when you come over…”

“Heh,” Rin chuckled before taking a bite of his frozen treat, fangs flashing briefly as he did, “I’m getting used to garden work, not gonna lie. I never used to do any of it back home, so… I don’t know, it’s nice, helping you. B-being in the garden, I mean!”

Shiemi couldn’t help her grin from growing wider, and she happily accepted the second popsicle that Rin sheepishly offered her. They were chatting casually on their way back to the old dorms, passing by groups of students out to enjoy the sun and warmer weather, when a voice from one of them called out to them. Or rather, to Rin.

“Isn’t that… Hey! Okumura?! Okumura Rin?!”

Surprised, they both turned to a group they had just walked past, and Shiemi saw it was a tall girl with long black hair who was waving to them and running over. She looked older by one or two years, and wore the True Cross girls uniform. As the girl caught up to them, Rin appeared confused.

“Uh… yeah?”

“I never thought I’d see you again! I can’t believe you’re attending True Cross Academy!,” the girl exclaimed with a lighthearted laugh, pushing her hair out of her face when a breeze blew by. “Talk about luck to find you out here.”

“Uh, yeah, I uh, guess I got lucky,” Rin smiled back at her, though its honesty appeared cautious. “I don’t mean to be rude or anythin’, but…”

“Oh, right! You probably don’t remember me,” the girl laughed almost casually before giving a light bow of her head. “I’m Aikawa Ayumi, Aikawa Tomoe’s older sister. We went to the same middle school, she was in your class.”

“Tomoe… Oh!,” Rin looked like he had a flash of memory, and then his smile shone brighter just the way Shiemi knew it. “Yeah, I remember Tomoe! How’s she doing? Did she get the hearing aids she needed?”

“She did, thank you,” Ayumi smiled warmly, both hands holding her dangling bag. “She can hear a lot better now, and as a result she’s doing better at school and was able to graduate.”

“That’s good to hear,” Rin gave a slow nod, his eyes traveling away from the girl and into different corners of the street, as though gazing back into something they couldn’t see. “Yeah, I remember she had issues with that… Pissed me off how others made fun of her for it.”

Shiemi hadn’t said a word into the conversation, yet she didn’t feel out of place either. It felt like she was privy to something secret she might not have been able to see otherwise. A window into something Rin might have been trying to put behind, but that something wasn’t wicked in any way. It just had the misfortune of being part of a bigger package.

“About that… I wanted to thank you for standing up for her. If you hadn’t, I don’t think the school would have done anything about her bullies, and I’m not sure she would be where she is now… so… Really, Okumura. Thank you.”

And Ayumi gave a full, thankful bow. When she raised up, she smiled again, and waved before turning back toward her waiting friends.

“See you around campus! I’ll tell Tomoe you’re doing good! Oh and, congrats on getting a girlfriend, heehee! You two look lovely~!”

Rin stuttered wildly as the girl left, and it took Shiemi a moment longer to realize she was talking about her. She did her very best to keep a straight face, even as Rin was waving it off rather poorly, his face beet red. Her embarrassed smile turned soft.

“You knew her sister in middle school?,” she asked.

“Yeah,” Rin replied as they both started walking back the way they were going. “We were in the same class, but there was that group of asses saying awful things about her, and making her life miserable… just ‘cause she couldn’t hear as well. Just ‘cause she was different...”

“So you helped her?”

He nodded, though he looked away.

“...I guess that’s what she viewed it as. I, uh… One time I had enough, and I beat them up when they grouped up on her. I got suspended for a while over it. She was gone when I came back, and I dropped out not long after, so I forgot…”

The softness turned to warmth, and she lightly brushed her arm on his, trying to get his attention.

“To her,” she said, “you probably looked like a hero.”

Rin remained quiet for a long time…

“Yeah…”

Her smile remained stuck to her face after that, even when he changed the subject. She knew he was helpful. It was simply his nature.