Chapter Text
Both shirtless, Thor carried Loki in his arms wherein the smaller man complained and tried to push Thor away, shouting, “I am no woman, you oaf!”
Thor grinned. “Does not matter. I want to love you, Loki.”
Loki closed his eyes and turned away, his cheeks turning into a beet red as he let himself be carried to the bed in the bedroom where Thor gently laid him on his back before closing the door. It made Loki scoff and say, “It’s not like you have any other people in this apartment.”
“Does not matter,” said Thor. He reached for his cellphone on the desk and looked through the songs in his iTunes. As Loki watched him, Thor changed the playlist into the one that had some slow, romantic love songs. And how thankful he was that he made that playlist. Something sensual and romantic, something to seduce and make love with. Something that he knew Loki would enjoy.
Your Song, Elton John
It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
Loki tucked his knees to his chest and sadly watched Thor. Thor who was confident. Thor who loved him. Thor. Just Thor. Thor who he loved.
Thor put the cellphone down by the speakers and walked to the windows which he closed before pulling the curtains to cover them from the outside world, a romantic, peaceful darkness falling upon them. “If you don’t want this, tell me,” he said as he looked at Loki. He has imagined doing this to Loki for months already, but he was waiting for the right time because, though Loki wasn’t revealing anything, he had a gut feeling that Loki was inexperienced and unsure.
Loki looked down. He was scared. Not of physical touch, but of love. It was something that was always rather twisted in his head, something that he feared yet wanted for it could tear him apart.
If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you
Loki slowly faced Thor. Tears were in his eyes and Thor just watched, solemnly, as those tears stayed strong and refused to fall, the very same way that Loki has refused to fall, always crawling and struggling to stand despite everything.
“Thor, sorry for how I’ve been acting. I just had a rough past, and I know that you want answers, but… It’s hard for me to speak. Let’s just not talk about what happened. I’ll try to be happy. Please, just don’t ever mention what happened.”
Thor hesitantly took a step forward, his hair falling across his eyes. “But, Loki, it’s your family. I want to help you.”
And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
“No!” Loki shouted. “I don’t want to talk about it! If you want me, then just want me and not them! If you love me, you would help me forget them!”
A sad, forlorn smile came across Thor’s face. He adored the idea of family, and he loved his. He could not even imagine having to live with someone who hated family, but he loved Loki. He needed to know, though, “Is there a chance?”
“For what?” Loki sneered and hugged his legs closer to his chest.
“For…”
Loki looked at his toes. He was still barefoot, and he laughed because he almost walked out on Thor earlier without any shoes. And that’s what he loved about Thor. Thor made him free to show his emotions, free to be alive. And he knew exactly what Thor was talking about.
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on
“Thor, you love family. I hate it. I hate the very idea of it.” Loki shrugged. “I ran away from home wanting to get away from them because I couldn’t stay there anymore. And that’s why I dropped out of college.”
Thor stayed quiet but he did walk towards Loki. He has always wondered why Loki sounded so educated, but always wondered why Loki worked as a waiter. Since he was a writer, Thor expected that Loki could have become an editor with his intelligence. The question, however, was always, Why?
Loki continued. “I hate the idea of having a family because I’m scared, but…” Loki bit his lip and nervously looked at Thor as he said the words that felt like fire to his tongue. “I want to be part of your family. Even if your family does not like me, as long as you do.”
So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
Those words truly did touch Thor’s big heart as the dismayed smile turned into a delighted one. With steps so light and careful, he walked even closer to Loki who just hugged his legs tighter. But Thor didn’t want him to be scared anymore. No, he wanted Loki to be loved. So he took Loki’s hands and kissed the wrists with a gentleness that he has never given anyone before.
“Stop it,” said Loki as he stared at Thor while his face was turning red again. “I am a fucking guy. I have a dick not a cunt. I don’t need to be treated like a fucking porcelain doll. Just treat me like a guy, Thor. I can handle a rough fucking,” though he has never done it before.
“But I don’t want to fuck you,” said Thor as he pushed Loki to the bed. With such smooth ease, he hovered over Loki who gulped and looked away. Having Thor above him always made him feel weak, vulnerable, but also safe, as if the man would shield him from all the demons in the world including his own. Leaning down, Thor placed a soft kiss on Loki’s jaw and whispered, “I want to love you. I want to worship every part of your body, caress it with kisses, and burn you with passion until you’re screaming my name.”
“Oh, Thor…” Loki bit his lower lip then covered his mouth with his hand, but Thor quickly snatched that hand away.
“Don’t hide anything,” said Thor as he kissed Loki’s wrist again. “I want all of you. I want to see you and hear you. Also, I want to taste you.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against Loki’s collarbone, sensually dragging his tongue up to Loki’s ear. Loki shuddered. Never has Thor done that before. Yes, Thor has given him some purple marks that lasted for days and Thor has tried to touch his chest, but that was it.
“Thor, don’t speak like that.”
Thor chuckled as his hand sensually roamed through Loki’s chest, his fingers sliding against perk nipples. “Why, my dear? Am I not allowed to speak like a poet like you?”
Loki groaned and looked away. Rolling his eyes, he said, “It does not suit you.”
But it did not matter for Thor. Instead, he just kissed Loki, his tongue pushing into Loki’s mouth until they became lost in their own dance. Loki’s hands embraced Thor’s shoulders, but he, too, wanted to touch. So his hands wandered down Thor’s chest, his fingertips tracing the muscles that adored Thor’s body, his hands shaking as he continued to move down. When his hands reached Thor’s hips, he stopped. He has never done this before, and so he was, truly, scared. Excited, but, nonetheless, scared.
Thor pulled away and smiled down at Loki. With a voice so soft, he said, “It’s okay. I’m yours, Loki. Don’t be scared to touch me.” He took Loki’s hand and placed it over the bulge that was growing within his pants. And, though Loki blushed with excitement, his hand stiffened. He knew what he was supposed to do, but his lack of experience was empty.
“Thor…”
“It’s okay, Loki. Can I touch you, too?”
Loki looked up at Thor with wide eyes. He has never felt so unsure and so out of control before. He has ran away from home and was lost for months. He did not know what he was supposed to do then, and he was lost, but he was in control. Here, with Thor, he felt as if he wasn’t. He felt as if he was Thor’s to behold, and, with their relationship, Loki has never felt so unsure. It was unsettling, but liberating. As if, for once, he could truly, honestly, let go. No more control. No more thoughts. Just close your eyes and get lost. So Loki’s eyelids fell, almost closing as his lashes batted in a seductive way. It made Thor growl, and Thor’s pants tightened around his crotch when Loki said, “I am yours, Thor. I yield to you.”
Thor tried to control himself, he truly did, but his hands quickly found the zipper of Loki’s denims and pulled it down.
+++
Can’t Help Falling in Love, Elvis Presley
Wise men say only fools rush in
but I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay
would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you
On his back, Loki turned his head to the side, his mouth falling because of a loud gasp. Pleasure was crawling up his body, and his hands were around the body hovering above him, his fingers digging into Thor’s shoulder blades. “Thor…” he moaned. “I… I can’t…”
Thor leaned to Loki and kissed the smaller man’s lips in a loving way, whispering, “Relax. I can wait. Tell me when you’re ready, then I’ll move.”
Loki closed his eyes and threw his head to the other side, his bangs sticking to his forehead due to the sweat. Small pearls of tears were forming at the corner of his eyes, but desire clouded his mind. “Thor… move… please.”
“I love you, Loki.”
+++
Loki’s eyes opened. He was alone on the bed. The curtains were still closed and the music was still playing, but Thor changed it to some relaxing nature sounds. It made Loki laughed. He told Thor that he enjoyed classical music and not nature sounds, but, apparently, nature sounds just stuck to Thor’s head. However, Loki did, honestly, found the sound of water rather refreshing.
“Thor, you oaf,” he said as he stood up from the bed. He was naked, and his body was sore. A lamp by the corner was illuminating the room, and Loki walked to the desk where there were pictures of Thor’s family, his parents, his siblings, even his cousins. On the other side were pictures of Thor’s friends. Thor loved his home, and he loved people. And Loki wondered why Thor, such a grand representation of the sun, would love him, someone who was as pale as the moon.
Loki shook his head and placed his hand against a portrait at the corner, a picture of Thor when he graduated college. He was holding up his degree, his cap slightly tilted to the right. Thor said that it truly was one of the best moments he has ever lived, but Loki couldn’t relate to it. He would always say that he despised school and he didn’t regret dropping out, didn’t regret running away, and that he didn’t have any plans to return to school until he was forty. However, a small part of him did regret it. He was once a member of numerous honour societies and he was included in the dean’s list. He was even a candidate for cum laude. Of course, he never told Thor that.
Loki’s finger traced Thor’s face which was grinning at the camera. In a way, Loki was envious. Thor had a beautiful family, a beautiful life. He, Loki, wanted that, but he wasn’t born into that. No. But, yes. He was born into a wealthy family deeply rooted in politics, but with it came the dark secrets and the hidden corruptions. He had to run away. He had to leave. He had to save himself. And there he was. All family ties destroyed, his books selling enough copies to keep him independent, and there was Thor, someone whose love was enough to burn away the pain that he has been harbouring.
“Fool,” said Loki as he rubbed a tear from his eye. His fingers traced Thor’s own eyes in the picture, and he made a promise. “Starting now on, I will not be affected. I will smile when something good happens instead of crying and thinking of my family. I will be happy. I won’t be depressed anymore. No more. All for you, Thor.” And he pushed all the dark, lonely thoughts into a box, throwing it to the corner of his head as he placed upon his face another mask of happiness. Though Loki was aware that it was emotionally dangerous, he didn’t mind, because that mask he wore wasn’t only a facade. It was real, all because of Thor.
The door opened. Loki turned towards it and saw Thor grinning in the same way that he was grinning in the picture. Thor said, “Babe, if you don’t wear any clothes soon, I might ravish you again.”
Loki smirked and eyed Thor’s naked chest that was in front of him. Thor was only wearing sweat pants, and Loki could smell food coming from the outside. Thor then looked at what Loki was looking at. When he saw the pictures, Thor’s smile somehow grew heavy. He promised Loki that he won’t mention family again, but he was tempted. He wanted Loki to heal, but he was no psychologist. He didn’t know how to open all the locked doors in a person’s head. He just knew how to love.
Loki, unabashed by his nakedness, walked towards Thor who was trying to look away. But Loki cupped Thor’s face and placed a kiss upon his lover’s lips.
Suddenly, Loki’s cellphone started to ring, its ringtone playing and serenading the couple. However, they both ignored it as Thor carried Loki and pushed him to the wall.
Alive, Bo Bruce
No I didn't pray to God
No I never saw the light
No I didn't watch my life go flashing right before my eyes
No I didn't do the things that they all said that I would do
I just closed my eyes and all I saw was you