Chapter Text
Arya
“Everything, huh?” her mother subtly quipped. “Interesting.”
Arya rolled her eyes. “Mum, why do you even bother asking if you’d question everything that I’d say anyway?”
Catelyn laughed. “Oh pardon me, Your Highness –I only meant to…”
“Oh don’t start!” Arya complained. Catelyn knew how much she hated the title-calling among friends, family and casual settings. How much she really didn’t care for it at all. “Will you be nice? I am carrying your very first grandchild, you know.”
After much persuading, Arya finally convinced her husband to take a short holiday at Winterfell. Because of Arya’s sensitive pregnancy, he has not left her side for three months and postponed all of his engagements in that time frame. After the first trimester passed, however, she has slowly gotten much better. While she couldn’t convince Jon to take on some light projects by herself, she was able to sway him to return to his duties as long as she remained nearby. As soon as a significant window for break was allowed, she asked to visit her childhood home.
After a little over two years of being married and getting better acquainted with their new relationship, Jon slowly started asking about starting a family. Arya always knew that she wanted children eventually, but she hoped that Aegon would start his own first, or that he would be engaged to someone at the very least. She thought it would be more appropriate, but Jon gently reminded her that while he has a responsibility to the realm, they shouldn’t plan their personal lives around his status as a noble.
“I feel that we are quite ready. I think about it all the time, moreso in the last several months.” Jon declared somewhat shyly as he held her close from behind under their special tree at Summerhall during one of their morning walks. “I hope you know me well enough to be confident that I’m not asking you for this because I want an heir…”
“I want a family with you.” he whispered softly while placing a gentle kiss on her bare shoulder.
Arya rubbed her belly, which barely started to show as she rested on her father’s favorite chair, the very same chair that she sat on when Jon confidently–rather, overconfidently proposed to her years ago. She thought about how much he’s changed since then. Though he retained the utmost care and priority that she’s been spoiled with since she was a child, Arya had sensed some significant moments in their marriage of desperate insecurity from him.
And it didn’t just start with her sensitive pregnancy.
“Alright, princess. Let me try and see if I understood your concerns correctly…” Catelyn started as she moved her feet to rest on the chaise lounge across from Arya, her eyebrows all-knowing.
“Augh. First acknowledge that I did NOT come to you for these concerns–you kept prodding me and now…”
“Shh.” Catelyn interrupted. “So, your concern is that your doting husband is keeping something from you because—”
“Because I know him like the back of my sword hand.” Arya responded confidently. “We tell each other literally everything…”
“Everything.” her mother echoed.
“Everything.” Arya stated. “But when–when she comes up in conversation he seems to…” Arya caught her breath. “He has this–look of guilt that I can’t place…”
“Do you think he’s unfaithful? Or that he still has feelings for her?”
Arya shook her head. “No, not at all. I just–I feel like there’s something he’s not telling me, and I don’t want to keep asking him about it because he just gets–” Arya paused and bit her cheek. “It’s just weird because we tell each other–”
“Everything.”
“Everything.” Arya echoed.
“Ah.” Catelyn took a sip of her red wine, which matched the hue of her gorgeous mane and maxi length scarlet dress. Arya always wondered how her mother could look so glamorous on a casual afternoon. If strangers came upon them now, no one would guess that they were mother and daughter at all. Because her bump hasn’t really shown yet, Arya is still able to don her favorite denims and white and navy fitted striped blouse.
“So–you told him that you only went to the prom with Edric all those years ago because you wanted to get back at him for taking your sister to the same dance the year before, correct? Since you tell each other everything. ”
Arya’s eyes widened. “I did not–”
“Oh please, Arya.” Catelyn waved her off. “I’m certain that he also told you that he took her because your father and I asked him to do so as a favor. That idiot Joffrey dumped her again for the nth time and we didn’t want her special evening to be ruined. I wish they would permanently stay broken up. ”
Though dances really didn’t mean much to Arya, Sansa looked forward to her own prom since they were children. It would make sense for her parents to have intervened then.
“I didn’t know–but I never really asked because I didn’t really care–”
“Oh, of course not.” Catelyn tut-tutted. “You went on like it didn’t upset you at all. You also didn’t get upset when he took her out for their first royal engagement and made it official.”
“I wasn’t upset about that!” Arya sighed. “I was merely surprised–”
“Oh! Speaking of surprise–do you know how surprised we were to learn how swiftly you took the job at Braavos shortly after all that happened? Did you tell him that it was a factor in your decision? Since you told each other everything? ”
“How much wine have you had, Mother?” Arya asked, rolling her eyes.
“Not at all was the answer, dear.” Catelyn answered with a teasing laugh. “Your father and I were not surprised at all. I am sure–that your husband also told you that he’s had feelings for you long before he asked you to–”
“Of course, he told me.” Arya interjected confidently. “We tell each other every–”
Catelyn raised a perfectly plucked brow and smirked. “Uhm hmm…” she sipped her wine daintily. “And when did he tell you?”
===========
Arya (Past)
“Are you alright?” Arya asked cautiously as they exited through the courtyard of Faircastle, one of the royal family’s holiday homes. They had decided to take a short private holiday with a small group of friends so that they could finally have time to themselves without any responsibilities and the press following them around. The island provided them much needed privacy.
Their wedding was just under a month away, and preparations have been heavy for both of their families since the formal announcement of their engagement. It took a lot of work, but Jon was able to get Arya’s budget pre-approved before the wedding so she could hire her own staff, as his own assistant Sam got overwhelmed with managing both their offices. On top of wedding preparations, Arya had to review her future office staff and role responsibilities as well as accompany Jon to all of his pre-set engagements. It was a lot of fittings, prepping, training, image counseling and everything else. A lot of their time together since then have been work-related. Arya was so busy that discontentment about their relationship was not impressed upon her, especially because Jon had been so supportive through it all and for the most part, they have had a few stolen moments of just hanging about.
Walking beside her in the well lit square, Jon nodded. But the uncomfortable stillness remained in the air. She could tell that something troubled him.
“Jon…” she called his attention, making it known that she was unconvinced.
He stopped walking and turned to her then, his eyes showing signs of dismay.
Arya sighed. “What’s wrong?”
Jon cleared his throat and reached out for her hand, which she readily gave.
“You–you didn’t mean what you said to Sansa, did you?” he asked softly.
Arya raised an eyebrow. Just moments prior, they exited the castle’s grand sitting room after a quiet night in with their friends. Sansa, Myrcella, Grenn, Theon and Lyanna accompanied them on this holiday, which for obvious reasons Robb had skipped. They had all spent the day at the beach before heading back to the castle for dinner and board games.
“Which part?” Arya asked, genuinely confused. There was plenty of wine and small conversation that went around, mostly in passing. A lot of it was prodding and teasing questions about their relationship because everyone is still getting used to them being a couple.
Jon inhaled sharply and looked away from her momentarily.
He was really upset about something.
“Look, there was quite a lot of fucking talk and teasing over there today–because our friends are assholes. I don’t know why we took them here but we did.” Arya attempted to tease. “I honestly can’t place where I would’ve said something that would–”
Jon led her to sit by the stone flower boxes near the entrance to the master tower, where they would be sharing a bedroom for the first time as a couple. Arya’s breath hitched as another lingering unspoken question came upon her mind.
Since Jon collected her from Braavos, kissing has been thoroughly explored between the both of them. Kissing has been plentiful. Kissing was so bold, that just about a month ago, Jon momentarily forgot decorum and planted a passionate one on her mouth while cameras were on them during their first appearance as an engaged couple at the No Barriers carnival benefit.
But that’s all it has been.
Arya hasn’t discouraged Jon from his physical affections and even subtly rubbed his back impurely during one make-out session to encourage him. But for some reason, Jon has held back. Sansa teased her when the picture from the carnival went viral.
‘Damn, are you holding off on him? He must be starving if he forgot himself and snogged you like that in front of everyone!’ Sansa snickered. ‘Ha. Well it looks like you’re pretty starved yourself!’ she added after watching a short video capture which showed her immediate blush after being aware of the camera flashes around them.
Did he think that she would want to wait until after the wedding? Though it’s absolutely apparent that he didn’t like to talk about it, he knew quite well that she wasn’t a virgin!
“I have a feeling that we’re both thinking about different things now.” Jon noted after some time, tightening his hold on her small palm.
Arya laughed lightly. “My mind’s been occupied since you decided that you wanted to marry me out of nowhere. I feel like my brain hasn’t stopped working since.”
Jon looked at her again, a hint of sadness in his features. “Arya…”
She waited.
“To some extent, you must’ve known that I’ve loved you long before I asked you to marry me.”
Arya instantly focused her eyes on their entwined fingers. She tried not to think about what he just said and instead focused on rubbing her thumb over his.
“Arya.”
She managed to nod, not taking away her eyes from their hands.
“When you told Sansa to not make a big fuss because this was obviously just a convenient decision as we’ve been friends for so long and that attraction wasn’t a significant factor–you couldn’t possibly mean…”
Arya was a bit horrified to learn that Jon had heard her comment to Sansa, but decided to keep the mood light. “Oh come on! You heard how much she fucking nagged and nagged for details that I didn’t have to give her! What was I supposed to say? I had no idea– ”
“No idea? No idea how attracted I was to you all this time? Are you being serious?”
Arya’s face flushed and she averted his gaze even more.
Wait, why was she blushing? She was going to marry this man! He’s supposed to be attracted to her!
So why was she still blushing?
Arya gulped. “Jon–I told her what would shut her up–”
“Tell me you didn’t mean it, then.” he asked a bit firmly. “Tell me you don’t believe that I’d marry you because of convenience.”
Arya met his eyes and raised a brow. “No.”
“What?”
"Look, you never told me anything then and–” she paused, choosing her words carefully. “It doesn’t really matter. It’s just Sansa, she’s drunk and we’re getting married anyway–”
Jon took his free hand to clasp her jaw. “It matters to me. You have to have known how much I’ve wanted you all this time. How could you not–”
Arya turned her face away from him and stood to walk. “Jon–I don’t want to argue about something so pointless…”
“Is it a wonder to you why I proposed the way that I did?” Jon asked behind her sternly, making her stop in her tracks. “If I had divulged my feelings the way I’m attempting to now, you wouldn’t have considered my proposal. You’ve no idea how terrified I was of that possibility!”
At that, Arya turned to face him again slowly, watching how frustrated his hands were when he ran it through his full head of hair.
“How terrified I am of you walking away at all.” he continued quietly, this time staring at the grass that divided them both.
“Jon, it’s me. You can tell me anything…”
“How can I when you’ve no hesitation to walk away?”
Her heart was thumping in her chest wildly, but she was too proud to admit it. Besides, she couldn’t think of a good reason why she wanted to run away and hide at this very moment.
Why was it hard for her to accept what he was telling her?
“I love you.” Jon declared. “I’ve loved you for a long time, that it pained me most of the time. I’ve tried so hard to not love you the way that I do, but it was like fighting the natural need to breathe. I meant what I said about not seeing a future without you by my side–not just as a friend, but as someone who is mine.”
Arya’s jaw tightened and her eyes started to gloss, but she didn’t deter from his gaze.
The purple hues in his eyes were dominant when he made his declaration known, as they always were when his mood was determined.
Why didn’t you tell me? She wanted to ask.
“Why–why didn’t you want to love me?” she managed instead.
“What?”
“You said–you tried so hard to not love me… Why would you not want to–”
Jon got up from the seat and came to her. Patiently, and while holding both of her hands, he told her the story about himself, Robb and an infamous tennis match.
She smacked him so hard on the shoulder that he almost cursed.
“What the–”
“THAT IS THE DUMBEST SHIT I’VE EVER HEARD!” she exclaimed. “YOU LOST TWO SETS TO NONE?”
Jon laughed soundly and attempted to hug her. “That’s all you got out of that?”
“It’s not fucking funny, you dumb–” Arya huffed and smacked him again.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry…”
“First of all–you never should’ve asked HIM for permission.” she turned from him and started walking towards their quarters. “He wasn’t the one you were supposedly in love with…”
Jon was fast behind her slippers. “He’s my best friend, Arya, and he’s your brother. Of course I had to–”
“You shouldn’t have lost, then!” she continued as they crossed the lobby.
“If it means anything at all to you, I have thought about that stupid bloody match for countless nights—”
“It means SHIT to me!” she exclaimed by the time they reached the hallway to their assigned quarters. “Did you ever think about how much more we would make sense to the world right now if you had just asked me directly? How much more it would make sense TO ME? Bloody hell…”
At that, he turned her elbow to face him and he held her waist still. Their eyes were locked together.
“Would you have said yes?”
Against her will, Arya blushed again. “What?” she answered mindlessly.
Jon held her closer to his body, his expression changed to that of hopeful. “If–six years ago I had–did you feel the same way about me?”
Arya’s breath hitched. “I–I don’t know why the fuck that’s important–”
Why was she suddenly so shy?
“Was it lost on you how often I kissed you? Though I sincerely kept it chaste, I looked forward to every time I got to kiss you, Arya. Every time. Don’t ask me when it began–I couldn’t tell you. But from the moment I realized my feelings, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”
Arya could no longer tell if the thundering on her chest were hers or his. She raised her hands to his chest for support. “Jon…”
His soft lips descended on hers–softly, lovingly. He clasped one of her hands to his chest without letting go of her waist. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited. You have no idea. ” he whispered, and then nosed his way along her jaw to kiss the spot under her ear–trailing his lips down her neck to the curve of her bare shoulder. “But you have to know. I need you to know.”
Arya closed her eyes as she felt the softness of his lips all over her neck.
And then just as quickly, to her frustration, Jon halted his movements as soon as he began–seemingly following a nonexistent rule about not going any further, though his hunger was apparent as he placed a kiss on her temple and ceased his hungered movements to an intimate hug.
Arya stifled a desperate gasp and sought his eyes underneath his tall frame. What’s his deal? The furl in her belly only emboldened her resolve.
“Old habit of yours?” she whispered.
“What is?” he responded as one of his hands played with a loose lock of her long hair.
“Waiting to devour what you already have between your teeth?” she responded.
The grip on her waist tightened significantly. His eyes darkened and Arya felt his body respond to her words.
“What are you holding back from?” she whispered.
“I wanted to give you time.” he reasoned feebly. One hand firmly remained at her waist while the other slowly explored the scalp on her neck “I’ve already waited–so long…”
Arya tipped her toes and kissed him. “Show me. Show me how long you’ve waited.”
=======
Arya stretched her legs on the oversized cushioned windowsill of their quarters, which could very well be a queen size daybed. It was nearing sunrise, as hints of orange began to emerge from the ocean view to join the lavender hues. While it was a gorgeous view, the images inside Arya’s head were much more beautiful than what she currently has her eyes set on.
Their first tryst was gentle. Arya was almost depleted of encouragement to give him, certainly confused by his hesitation. While he stood patiently in the doorway of their bedroom, she slowly stripped off her little yellow sundress until all that was left was her tiny white thong. She did all of that without ever breaking his gaze.
“You can wait, or you can join me in the tub.” She challenged him playfully. “You’ve already mastered waiting, so why don’t you show me what else you can do?”
Jon’s patience was unwavering as he took her gently in the suds with impossible restraint. He was determined to be gentle, slowing down their pace so he could be loving as possible. Arya couldn’t get over the image of his deprived face as he suckled on her wet chest when she mounted him, his hands full of her bare bottom as she rode him to her own climax.
After the first time, however–she discovered why the Targaryen crest boasted a proud dragon. Unleashing the ferocious beast was exhilarating for Arya, and she discovered that Jon’s thirst for her was almost insatiable.
“Do you know how many times I finished by my own hand because I thought of having you in my bed just like this?” he whispered hoarsely in her ear when they moved to the bed and he took her from behind. “Everytime you’re around, especially in those white shorts you wore, Gods–you drove me insane, Arya.”
“You drive me insane.” he continued when he first devoured her core, just over an hour after spilling inside her for the second time. He looked up at her with his lips glistening with both their juices, another image which thrilled Arya immensely.
“You had to have known.” he continued while his fingers dipped in and out of her. “You had to have known how obsessed I’ve been with you.”
Did she know?
Did she know it when she found him waiting at her house after she went to the prom with someone else? Did she know it when they ended up talking through the night and falling asleep on the couch while watching a movie together?
Did she know it when he framed her very first published article and placed it inside his office? Even if there wasn’t anything else there decoration wise besides pictures of his own family?
Did she know it when after expressing his slight dismay over her decision to move to Braavos, he took to his own budget to spend royal resources to scout the safest place for her to rent out a flat there?
Did she know it the moment he kissed the corner of her mouth longer than usual on the night of her departure and words were hung above them both desperately?
Did she know it when she instructed her family to especially NOT inform Jon of her emergency surgery for appendicitis, because he was on an international engagement with Daenerys at the time?
Because she knew perfectly well that he would drop everything to go to her if he knew?
Yes. The answer to all of the questions was yes.
She knew.
She knew it well but for some reason–possibly the same reasons he struggled with, she didn’t want to acknowledge it.
Arya tightened the ribbon on her small silk robe and sighed as she felt the evidence of their love making between her legs.
“You can come join me, you know.” Arya teased when she felt his gaze from the corridor. “I thought we suspended your waiting period three times over last night?”
She turned to find him slowly walking towards her, his defined torso bare and his legs covered by white sleeping pants. He laid down beside her and settled his head over her barely covered lap. His thumbs lazily drew circles on her knees.
“Are you okay?” she asked him quietly. Though last night was a big step for them, the stillness in the air remained and she could sense that something still troubled him.
She felt him nod and drew her tighter in his muscular arms.
“Jon–I feel like there’s something bothering you.” Arya started again.
“Do you still feel that–I asked you to marry me because of convenience ?” he whispered.
Arya sighed. He really was determined to have this conversation.
“I’m sorry I made that comment. Sansa was being overly nosy and–”
“Do you feel that way though? That’s what I want to know.”
“Jon…”
Jon slowly sat up to meet her gaze. “It wasn’t just Robb, Arya. There were a lot of reasons why I thought that my feelings for you weren’t meant to be.”
“Like what?”
Another hint of sadness glossed his features. “I was welcomed into your family as much as any member and I’ve known you since you were–I was literally there when you tried to pull out your first baby tooth with floss and the giant door.” Jon mused.
Arya couldn’t help the smirk that crossed her lips. “Well…”
“Arya, don’t tease.” Jon asked lightly. “While I love my own family, the Stark home has always felt like a place where I’ve no other obligation or decorum to follow other than to be myself. Pursuing their daughter almost felt like a moral betrayal because in a way…”
“I was like your own sister?” Arya asked.
“Right.” Jon answered and grabbed one of her hands. “I didn’t want to lose something that made me feel like a whole human being despite my birthright just because of my own feelings. Coming into terms with all of that before I approached Robb was torture.”
Arya raised one of her hands to play with the stubbles on his jawline.
“I’m sorry I held back on telling you directly. But you had to have known somehow…”
At that, Arya placed her fingers on top of his lips gently.
“I think we both–didn’t tell each other everything. ” Arya whispered. “We just acted in accordance with our feelings and hoped it would be enough. But now–I realize it wouldn’t have been.”
“I probably trained myself to think that you couldn’t possibly have deep feelings for me because like you, some part of me felt that it would be wrong.” Arya continued. “I suppose it would just take time for the both of us to get used to it. We are signing up for a lifetime after all.”
Jon’s breath hitched and he kissed the tips of her fingers gently.
“Jon, what do you need me to say to quell your worries? I can literally feel the tension from your breath–and it’s not the type of tension that you excited me with last night.” Arya quipped.
Unexpectedly, Jon didn’t break a smile. He just held her palm close his chest and stared out the window, where the sun is now halfway out.
“Jon–please.” Arya started and she turned his chin gently to face her. “Tell me what I can do to make you feel better. Tell me. We literally just discovered how much we held back on telling each other every–”
“Marry me.” he asked silently.
Arya’s brows met and then she smirked. “Are we on proposal number three, Targaryen? I already said yes, I will continue to say yes a month from now and all the years–”
To her surprise Jon drew her in for a desperate hug. Arya felt his need for comfort and instinctively started rubbing his back as she rested her chin on his shoulder.
“Jon, it’s okay.” Arya whispered.
“Tell me again.”
“Tell you what?” she asked.
“That you’ll say yes.” Jon answered. “That you won’t leave me.”
The hint of extreme insecurity in his voice slightly baffled Arya. But she felt a greater need to comfort him.
“I’m not going anywhere.” she answered. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Arya continued to rub his back until he calmed. He slowly parted from her and kissed each knuckle on her hand.
“Do you feel a little bit better now?” Arya asked, continuing to rub his chest and shoulders. “Why do you suddenly feel as if I’d just–”
“Arya–”
“Hmm?”
“Will you marry me–”
“By the Gods, Jon–how many times…”
“Today?”
“Today?” Arya asked incredulously.
Jon nodded shyly.
Arya laughed nervously. “What in the fucking worl–” she started before shoving him playfully. “What do you mean, today? I suspended your waiting period last night and now we’re not even waiting a little under three weeks? Are we just saying ‘fuck you,’ to waiting for anything at all?”
Jon opened his mouth to say something but stopped. “Right–right… I just–it’s alright, that was too much. You’re right.”
“No, no–tell me!” Arya asked.
Jon shook his head and ran his hand down his hair again. “I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?”
The shyness in his last question tugged on Arya’s heart. “Hey…”
Jon kissed her on the cheek tenderly and motioned to get up. “Do you feel like coffee–”
Arya held his hand still. “Why?”
He sought her gaze and she knew he understood the whole question.
“I suppose I just–” Jon started. “You asked me what I needed and that was my first thought. I thought maybe…” he swallowed. “I thought we could have something that’s just for the both of us and not for the country and anyone else.”
Arya studied him for a bit. “It’s just–at the very least, I wish my father were here.”
Jon kissed her palm again and nodded. “I know… I understand. I was being stupid…”
“How would we even arrange such a thing?” Arya asked.
“There’s a vicar appointed at the parish here on the island. Sam can easily fax over NDAs, and it could just be you and me with another witness present. It can be a parish personnel too, so our friends won’t have to know anything if you don't want them to. We already signed the necessary contracts on the plane from Braavos–hang on.” Jon paused, hope and relief evident in his expression. “Is that–are you saying–yes?”
Arya kissed him and he received her advance eagerly. “Yes.”
=======
Arya
“He eventually told me…”
“Eventually, is the key word.” Catelyn interrupted. “The truth is, no matter how much you idealize the golden friendship part of your marriage, the two of you can’t possibly tell each other everything. As you continue to grow and share more experiences together and individually, a lot of the noise gets lost somewhere and the non-important parts hardly get mentioned.”
“It can’t be unimportant if he has an obvious reaction to it.” Arya responded. “Besides, I know that she was a steadfast partner to him for years and–”
“You know what’s funny?”
“What?”
“The look of guilt that you say Jon has when she gets brought up.” Catelyn started. “It’s on your face right now.”
Arya raised a brow. “What are you talking about–”
“I’d feel a bit of guilt too if I ended up with the man that someone else tried to win over for years.” Catelyn winked at her. “It wasn’t your fault, Arya.”
Arya shook her head. “Mum–nothing happened between Jon and I while…”
Catelyn stepped over and held her hand. “I know. I know nothing happened. But I know that you know–that you’ve had his heart in your palm though he had her in his arms.”
Arya looked down and let out a breath she’s been holding.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Catelyn firmed.
Arya smiled weakly and nodded with hesitation.
“Don’t let the little things bother you, alright?” Catelyn took one of the loose hairs on her cheek and tucked it behind her ear. “If he’s not ready to tell you at this very moment–I’m certain he will eventually.”
Something caught Catelyn’s eye and she turned her head towards the window past Arya’s head and smiled widely. “Hmm… I see old habits die hard.”
Arya turned to see what she was talking about and she felt a genuine smile upon her own face.
Jon was standing at the window with her father after an afternoon of small game hunting at their private reserve. In his hand, he had a bundle of freshly cut wild winter roses from the field and he was showing it to her with a wide grin on his face.
He mouthed that he was going to put them in water before walking away.
“I don’t know how you could doubt that boy, really.” Catelyn commented when they were out of view.
Perhaps. Arya thought. Perhaps doubt could be set aside today.