Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

That fucking Roche-clone at Saturday’s lacrosse game has messed with his mind. He sees harsh, long sandy hair at every turn. Hears that stupid crazy tone at the end of a high laugh too often. It’s not Roche though. He’s not here. It’s not possible. Angeal said-probably just didn’t check-in and he hasn’t updated him at all so….

So it’s fine.

Everything is fine. 

Except he can’t shake it all week and it carries over him for too long. It’s heavy on his shoulders. Causes that distant too-stressed thing he does when he’s overloaded and can’t take anymore. Cloud is really the only thing containing it. He hovers over Zack in the morning and randomly stops to tilt Zack’s head back to check out the almost healed bruise. Kisses his split lip timidly. A silent worry that Zack appreciates more than everyone else texting him and irritatingly asking him how he is. It was just a silly Lacrosse injury. 

He’s fine. Mostly. Just a lot all at once. 

It’s exceptionally bad on Friday as he gets out of a meeting with Sephiroth (his mentoring professor). More people are out in large groups and even the break-in misty rain isn’t enough to help ease Zack’s buzzing nerves. As he makes his way around campus the crowds are suddenly getting him on edge. Zack’s never felt that way about bodies pushing in and loud groups of talking. The rushing about. He usually loves it. 

Now though, he’s all stuck in his head and if Roche was here...the crowds are easy to blend in. This must be what Cloud feels like on his off days. It sucks. Zack sighs to calm his nerves and resolves to be even more understanding with Cloud. To feel like this nearly all the time, no wonder Cloud is exhausted. 

The end of winter is near sight, February upon them, and Zack has actually zero time left to screw around. His thesis needs finalize tweaks and his finals are coming up fast.

Graduation. 

Surprisingly, he doesn’t really care. Not even planning to go to the walking ceremony. He’s got another four years ahead of him in post-grad. If he gets in anyway. His whole senior year has shaken his confidence. Too much old drama and endless nerves. Feels like his senior year in high school. It’s terrible, leaves a knot in his stomach that’s waiting to pull tighter and tighter. Even his phone buzzing makes him jump. He laughs at himself, so stupid. He’s fine. Nothing is happening. 

Quickly stepping off to a corner of the sidewalk with fewer students bustling, Zack checks his phone.

Cloud: Hey, Tifa wants to study at her place tonight. Library is too busy.

That’s fine actually. Aerith and Tifa have a nice large apartment. Nicer than Cloud’s place and being at his own makes him lazy. Happens when he’s too on edge, home makes him feel too safe and all he yearns for is comfort from the anxiety.

In turn makes him lazy. 

Zack: Great, meet you uhhhh-

Cloud: Haha, outside the library. 

A nice deep breath of cool winter air and a moment to take in the rare sun peeking out from the grey-filled sky. Peaceful. He’s fine. Well sort of, his back is still sore and twinges when he moves weird. But that’s whatever. Physical pain never really bothered him much. Won’t stop him either for next weekend’s game. No matter what Biggs thinks, he’s not sitting out. 

One last shake out of limbs and deep breath gets rid of the jolt of too similar laughs. 

The library is close, just around the corner, but the walk to Tifa’s will be chasing those dark clouds at the west. They will have to hurry to beat the rain coming in. Zack’s not really wanting to spend half the day in damp clothing, so he rushes off to collect Cloud. Cloud and his cute smile and his dumb habit of nipping at his cuticles when he’s bored. Even two years in and Zack’s heart doesn’t seem to understand that Cloud chose him. Really chose him. Cloud’s quiet attention is addicting and the best distraction Zack ever has. He really should make a habit of thinking about Cloud’s well everything when he is stressed. 

At the last corner to turn Zack spots Biggs and Jessie twirling their thumbs on their phones. They look just as ragid and stressed as Zack feels. He sighs loudly before rushing over to them. When did college become so exhausting? 

“Hey- you guys ditching study group?” Zack asks once he is in earshot. 

Jessie smirks. Her ponytail swishing at her quick head movements, “N-ope. Just waiting on you loser. Cloud was all pouty about us leaving without you.”

That’s sweet. He can see it in his head. The twitch of his brow and the subtle frown on his lips. 

“So you left him to wait for me by himself?” 

Biggs shrugged, “someone was talking to him, so we just texted him to meet at Tifa’s.”

Someone? Cloud doesn’t talk to anyone outside their little friend group unless it’s for a class partnership. He hasn’t mentioned any of those though. Usually, Cloud will rant about being paired with someone for an assignment. Zack hums at them in oddity. 

“Alright, well I’ll go save him, you meanies. He was probably screaming in his head for you to help him.”

Jessie and Biggs chuckle, “oh whatever. Cloud’s not as anti-social as you think.”

Right. He’s more so. Zack snorts and waves them off.

“Wait, we’ll come with you.”

“You just left him by himself!” Zack laughs.

“Yeah-but I feel bad now,” Jessies scuffs her shoe and twists her upper body. Batting fake-sad honey eyes at him. 

“Okay, whatever weirdo.”

The corner is at the back of the library. They have to walk all the way down the street. For some reason the stretch of it re-kicks Zack’s low paranoia back up. 

And then he hears it. 

That fucking laugh. Knows it too well and the weight of it carries loudly in the strong breeze. Zack’s chest constricts and his breathing catches. Behind him, Bigg’s concerned voice is far off. It’s not the same as all week. That’s his laugh, he’s sure this time. All his jumpiness and worry explodes into his chest and as the corner of the building rounds out it all turns into rage. 

Roche. 

Standing at the entrance hovering way too closely over Cloud is that fucking rat and his stupid buzzed side cut. The same, he’s the fucking same. Sneering and smug; ego radiating off him even from this distance. 

All Zack’s fear and worry zeros down into hot rage. Blisters through his bloodstream and his heart pounds in his ears. Cloud looks fine, his rational side of him says, but it doesn’t matter. Roche is unpredictable and Zack has to get him away from Cloud now. He knows he shouldn’t do this, shouldn’t go off. It’s just the-rage is a lot. Too much. 

Hothead. That’s what he’s always been.

Zack curses and breaks out into a run, ignoring Jessie and Biggs shouting at him. They didn’t know, he shouldn’t snap at them even though he wants to. They don’t know what Roche looks like and it’s not like Zack told them he was even out of jail. He wishes just once that his past would finally fuck off. 

Cloud’s irritated voice cuts through to him as he rushes closer.

“-listen twink,“ oh Roche called him a twink, no no no, Cloud hates that, “I just wanna talk to him. I saw you with him the other day.” 

The other day- oh fucking- Zack KNEW he wasn’t crazy. He saw Roche’s stupid average face lurking, he knew it. It’s the only thought he’s got before his anger completely takes over his brain. The moment Cloud rolls his eyes and steps away only to be stopped by Rouche’s aggressive grip. Everything leaves Zack’s body and there’s only red light and rapid uncontrolled breathing. 

His footsteps pound hard on the concrete and echo in his head; vibrate up his body. He growls and takes a massive swing. He doesn’t even care, school can fuck off. His past can fuck off, he doesn’t care about anything right now but getting Roche away from Cloud.

“Zack!” Jessie’s voice is still far away and there’s a weird in-between moment of Cloud’s surprised “Umph” and Roche’s dark chuckle. 

He hits nothing but air. Slowed and blinded with his rage. At least he’s got some space between Cloud and Roche. He ends up on his ass anyway. Roche smirking over him with that glint in his eyes.That same glint fueled by flames and desperation and an insanity that always lingers in Roche’s tongue. Zack knew it, he fucking knew Roche was never gonna let the past go. Not when he took the blame for everything. 

Fire roaring blocks out all sound and Zack can’t stop staring at Roche's right hand. He swears he’s got a knife but after every blink nothing. 

His cheek stings. 

Smells like copper and ash. 

“Hey Fair- nice to see you’re just as stupid as ever.”

Zack growls, digs his fingers into the gravel cutting his palms. Fuck, he totally missed him and Roche shoved him on his ass. 

“Get the fuck outta here, that restraining order is still in effect.”

Roche laughs, “Like that really matters,” sneers down at him, “Besides, I’m not doing anything.”

Right. Just being creepy and stalking them around campus. Zack’s sure now, he just doesn’t know how long Roche has been doing it for. 

“You’re Roche,” Cloud says. He’s...weirdly calm stepping close. His shins are warm at Zack’s back. 

Roche grins wider. An off hinged pulling across his face, “see, Fair, buddy. You’ll never get over me,” Whatever that means, “can’t even shut up about it to your little fuck toy.”

And Cloud’s not his fuck toy-but that little comment cools some of Zack’s anger with a spike of anxiety. How long has Roche been watching him for him to know? Has to be longer than this week, Zack’s barely seen Cloud much less have time to get all up in his space like he normally does. 

Cloud snorts as he bends down to help Zack to his feet, “ you seem to be the obsessed one. Aren’t you supposed to be trapped in that little hell town you came from?”

Noooo, Cloud, no don’t bait the crazy blonde. Zack’s already made the mistake throwing the first punch. It certainly irritates Roche. His smile fades and a coldness replaces the glint in his dark blue eyes. 

“Trapped, don’t fuckin’ talk to me about trapped. I took the fall for you Fair. You and that fuckin’ pussy Kunsel. Wanna tell me where he is?” 

“No,” Zack doesn’t let on that he doesn’t even know. 

This can’t be why Roche’s crazy is fueled so strongly. Kunsel? Zack knows that Roche was easily jealous sometimes. From as early as Zack can remember it’s always been him and Kunsel. And they were always better off than Roche. Still poor and scraping by in a shitty dead town, but Roche was nearly on the streets his whole childhood. Abusive Parents that never remembered he was even there. If only kindness really did influence Roche. Instead, he consumed it with destruction and dragged them both with him. 

The air is thick with tension. He’s lucky nothing has set Roche completely off yet. It’s lurking, somewhere in something Zack will say. He’s sure. Really Zack should be calling the cops or at least campus security but- fuck he just wants to scream at Roche. None of this would have happened if he had just left that stupid auto shop when they got caught. Or if they hadn’t listened to Reno in the first place. 

His blood is still rushing in his head and Zack can’t even remember what year it is. 

Denying Roche was apparently the wrong answer, but there isn’t anything Zack could say to ease his thirst. He’s angry and vengeful. Always has been and jail isn’t usually a place that stamps out those traits. Just makes them worse. 

“No? Fuck you, Fair,” Roche grits out and lunches aggressively, “you’re gonna tell me and I’ll teach you just how much-Ack!”

Except his words are knocked right out of him. Roche stumbles back with widened eyes and Zack has to blink away some confusion. He didn’t throw that punch, as badly as he wanted to. He’s still getting up from the ground. 

It was Cloud.

The second Roche took that step, Cloud yanked Zack behind him and swung too high. Didn’t land well on Roche at all. Miss reading the distance. 

“You little bitch, think you can- Oomph!”

That one hit good. Low in the stomach and Cloud manages to shove his shoulder back and down. Unbalances Roche enough he goes hard to the sidewalk. Cracks loudly with the sidewalk and a painful full grunt. Cloud’s breathing heavy, stance wide and firmly standing between Zack and Roche.

“Fuck off,” Cloud bites out. His shoulders are a tight line; muscles locked with confidence. He’s staring Roche down, daring him to try and get around him.

Fuck. If that’s not the hottest thing Zack’s ever seen. 

Sneering doesn’t seem to dishearten Cloud, only makes him more angry. He moves in fast as Roche scrambles to shake off the hit and stand. 

“I won’t let you touch Zack,” and the grip Cloud gets on Roche’s collar should not be so hot. Zack should probably stop Cloud from beating Roche while he’s down. However, He didn’t think such fierce protectiveness would be such a turn on. Radiating brightly in Cloud’s normal unsure and quiet demeanor. It simmers the rage and fuels a need in him. Underneath the thick syrupy appreciation. Reminds him of Kunsel and chases away his uncertainty of his actions. 

“Woah- WOAH,” Biggs is rushing around Zack and grabbing Cloud by the arm. Yanking him off Roche before any other hits can be landed, “easy there spunky, chill. Jessie’s called security.”

This bout of laughter from Roche is high and breaks. For some reason it just seems...sad all of a sudden.

“You think that’ll help? Hiding behind cushiony assholes,” Roche spits at Cloud’s shoes, “you’ll never fit in, Fair. You can’t run from who you are. You can’t get away from me .”

The obsession. It’s worse than Reno let on. Zack never realized the disturbance was so much in Roche. 

“That’s not how restraining orders work.” A smooth, low voice comes from their right. 

Damn-if Zack wasn’t in trouble before he is now. Sephiroth pushes past the crowd of people Zack is just now noticing. A lot of people actually. Shit. 

“Zackary, not supposed to be fighting. Remember?” Sephiroth’s cool green gaze shames him. 

Damn it, Angeal is going to be so disappointed. The itch to look away from Sephiroth is strong, but he doesn’t. Zack knows the rules. He’s going to have to accept whatever happens. On-campus Sephiroth can’t play favorites. He’s a long-time professor and the university relies on him to uphold the school's policies. 

“He wasn’t fighting,” Cloud says, yanking out of Biggs’s grip, “I was.”

A very long, hushed silence crowds around them. Lingers on as security finally comes rushing over. It’s surprising and worrying that Roche doesn’t even fight them. Just glares at Zack as they link handcuffs on his wrists. 

“Make sure to contact this number,” Sephiroth says, scribbling down something for the two men, “this young man has a strict restraining order and I’m sure his parole officer would like to know where he is.”

Roche doesn’t really go quietly. But he goes. Cussing out Zack the whole time and his anger still burns too bright in his eyes. Everyone stays quiet until the echoing of Roche’s loud yelling can’t be heard anymore.

Zack swallows. He feels….old. And tired. And fucking cold, damnit. He fights off a shiver and can’t bring himself to meet Sephiroth’s gaze anymore. 

“Strife,” It’s Cloud that has Seph’s attention, “I have to report this to the Dean, but I’m sure I can get you a warning only. Keep those fists from contacting with anyone else and you’ll be fine.”

Cloud glares at Sephiroth with something Zack can’t see. Why is he still so heated? 

“And what about Roche?” Cloud asks.

“What about him?”

“A stupid piece of paper saying ‘don’t come near Zack Fair’ isn’t going to stop him.”

Sephiroth sighs, “We’ve been dealing with him for a long time, Cloud. Just keep to yourself for a while. Zackery- this once- I’ll pretend not to see that punch you missed early.”

Zack winces. Yeah, great. The school won’t know, but Angeal will. 

“That’s not good enough,” Cloud snips. Whoa, okay. He’s really ticked.

“Excuse me?” Sephiroth asks calmly. It’s tinged with a sharp clipped tone. He’s losing patience. 

“Can’t you see what this is doing to Zack?” Cloud’s voice has never been so loud and that group of people that had started to disperse has all stopped in their tracks. Heads turning to watch them again. 

Great. Whispers are going to be following the both of them around. 

“Cloud,” Zack reaches out to take Cloud’s wrist.

“No,” Cloud snips, rips away from Zack’s touch, and turns his heated glare back to Sephiroth, “this is bullshit. You can’t just let this go-”

Sephiroth sighs heavily, “no one is letting this go, Cloud-”

“-That’s such shit-”

“-Cloud-”

“-DO NOT interrupt me,” Sephiroth snips and the air gets very tense again. 

Cloud’s really pushing things here. Very slowly, Zack places a gentle hand in the middle of Cloud’s back. 

“Drop it, Strife. It’s being taken care of. If you continue to press me, I won’t bother putting in a good word for you.” Sephiroth doesn’t mean it. Zack knows him, despite the chilling tone in his voice. Even if Cloud followed him all the way to the Dean’s office shouting, Sephiroth would still vouch for him. He likes Cloud and Zack knows Sephiroth is just as irritated with this whole stupid ‘problem’ anyway. 

He used to hear Sephiroth fighting with Angeal about it. Back when he was younger and Roche had tried to get out of his sentence a year early. Harsher punishment- Zack remembers. Sephiroth had been so angry with Angeal for being reluctant to fight for a harsher punishment on Roche. 

Cloud has a long staredown with Sephiroth’s back as he walks away. Huffs once the silver-haired man turns the corner and up the steps. He’s mumbling and shaking, stalks off with a jerky movement. Ignores Jessie’s quiet call to him and hunches in on himself. 

“Damn,” Biggs says next to Zack. Watching Cloud stalk away with worry, “I didn’t know he had that in him.”

“Me either…” Zack says wistfully. That weird cold-empty feeling is lingering among the affection for Cloud. His cheek still stings but his hand is clean when he touches the scar. No blood. He’s fine, “I think,” Zack says, “we’re skipping study group today.”

“Yeah, that’s not a problem. You okay?” Biggs asks him. 

“I dunno,” Zack barely gets out, “see ya later, man.”

“Yeah.”

He nods to Jessie as he passes her and rushes after Cloud with quick, long strides. He’s already turned the corner and is crossing the street. 

“Cloud,” he calls to him but it doesn’t slow up his pace, “Cloud!” 

Voice clearly isn’t stopping him so Zack half jogs and grabs Cloud’s arm. He’s still muttering angrily to himself but doesn’t jerk away this time. 

“Hold on, come here. Cloud, come on. Here,” Zack tugs at him. 

There’s an old, small studio building the art majors use in the morning for poetry and carving work. It’s hardly got anyone inside just from a glance at the windows and it’s tucked into a corner of the campus enough to be more private. Zack drags him around the building to the cut out facing the forest line. 

Cloud’s so worked up he doesn’t even give Zack a chance to get a word in. Just huffs again and makes a fast motion like he wants to rip out his hair in frustration. 

“This is such shit, Zack! Can’t do anything, he’s a fucking lunatic. He followed me around all morning you know,” fuck, Zack did not know that, “I saw him in the halls after every class but not in any of them. I should have realized sooner.”

“What did he say to you?” Zack asked. He keeps his voice soft and tries to ignore the trembling in his own hands. Cloud doesn’t seem to hear him. Rushes right over his words and starts pacing back and forth a tiny path in front of Zack.

“-not do anything. I don’t understand, doesn’t Sephiroth care about you? It’s tearing you up Zack I can see it, don’t try and tell me you’re fine. You haven’t been fine since Re-Run-Reno-whatever the fuckface is called- just showed at your place. Shit, shi-”

Alarmed, Zack reaches out yet again to still Cloud’s frantic, short movements. He’s never heard Cloud say so much so fast. Never heard this frustration and anger in his voice. As sweet as it is, his consistent building of heat is worrying. Zack never expected Cloud to get so mad about this. 

“Cloud, hey, hey. Look, it’s okay. It’s gonna be fine.”

“Will it?” Cloud explodes at him, “look at you, you’re fucking shaking. Zack- I’m not dumb, you’ve barely slept, you’re behind on classes again, and you’re stupid Lacrosse game last week-you never take a hit like that...never.”

Halfway through his rant, Cloud’s voice calms and nearly breaks. He’s not...Zack doesn’t know what he is and embarrassment is growing in his own chest. He thought he’d been hiding that sleep thing pretty well. It’s always bothered him that Roche gets under his skin like this. That he’s so afraid of what will happen when he’s confronted with his past. 

“I...I don’t know what to say, Cloud. I don’t think I’m ever going to completely get rid of this. It’s who I used to be,” maybe, that’s what Zack has to do to get over it. Accept that what’s happened can’t leave him completely. 

He doesn’t want to. Really doesn’t want to. So much so it stings his eyes and his smile is a bit wobbly as he tugs gently on Cloud’s lock of hair by his jaw. He doesn’t notice it until Cloud’s tenderly grabbing his wrist, interlocks their fingers.

“Zack, shit. You’re really shaking.”

He is. He laughs again, leans heavily with exhaustion against the building. Cloud follows him. Stepping in between his legs and pressing close. Slips his other hand over the warm pulse at the side of his neck and lingers his face so achingly close. 

“Sorry, adrenaline crash.”

And stress, but clearly he doesn’t need to tell Cloud. 

“I’m not helping...am I?” Cloud whispers. Leans his hips against Zack’s and strokes his thumb against his neck tendon. The touch pulls Zack’s attention for a short moment. A focus point to help calm him some more. 

“Nah, you are. You always help me.”

“But…” Cloud frowns at him and knocks their heads together, “you’re so stressed,” a long pause follows and this close Zack can see the shaking in Cloud’s pupils. See the moment his brain decides to disconnect, “you-you help me….so much Zack. I wanna be able to do that for you.”

“Fuck, could you get more adorable?” Zack smiles at him and pulls him the rest of the way into his body, “You do, I’d be more of a mess without you around. I’m just a looper, takes me a long time to stamp out anxiety when it hits me.”

A long long time. Good thing anxiety rarely gets him. It’s just the overload of graduation and applying for post-grad. Too much going on all at once.

Zack sighs; buries his face down into Cloud’s shoulder and hugs him tightly. Arms circling Cloud’s narrow waist and holding on to ground him. Cloud may be slow in his speech, but he’s immediately leaning into him. Slipping his hands into Zack’s hair to thread through his long locks and nuzzles the side of his head against Zack’s. 

“Sorry- Zack, I just hate seeing what this is doing to you.”

Zack smiles into the thick fabric of Cloud’s jacket, “I may be overreacting a bit.”

“I don’t think you are. Fuck that guy,” Cloud says, “I won’t let him hurt you.”

Zack laughs again and pulls back to look down into Cloud’s determined eyes.

“Yeah you said that before,” he tugs at that blonde lock again, “thanks Mr. hero, protecting me.”

Cloud flushes a deep red, but his eyes don’t soften at all, “I’ll beat the shit out of him if he ever comes near you again.”

Zack laughs again at the intensity. Might be a little alarming, but he knows Cloud means well. He’s still not great with words either and it’s not like Zack wouldn’t do the same. Fuck, he wants to do that himself. Roche….he isn’t completely wrong, he did get the full blame. Zack and Kunsel never went into that store ready to kill and burn the place. It’s the small difference that Zack tells himself to feel better about the whole thing. 

“Let’s let Angeal deal with this first, okay? You can get at Roche all you want if he comes around again.”

“I will,” Cloud snips back as if Zack is disagreeing with him. 

“Good.”

“ Good.” Even quicker to quip back.

This time Zack’s small laugh isn’t filled with so much shakiness and Cloud’s body goes less tense in his arms. That incoming rain catches up to them, but Zack doesn’t mind the damp clothes now. He’ll get out of them back at his place and get all the time he wants to cuddle up with Cloud. 

***

Angeal calls him three days later. It’s the middle of the day just after his first class on Monday. Staring at his phone debating if he wants to answer right now. Sure he’ll get moody over this conversation He answers anyway as he winds his way over to the science building. He’s meeting Cloud and Jessie for a fast lunch before another meeting with Sephiroth on his thesis. 

“Hey, Angeal,” Zack mumbles. Steps around a slow walking group, “tell me all the fucky things first.”

Angeal laughs softly in his ear. Sounds...not too worried. That’s good. Maybe things won’t get so crazy then.

“Well, you won’t have to worry about Roche for the rest of the year at least. He’s got time tacked on for sure since he skipped town and didn’t check in with his parole officer. Plus the restraining order breach. I’m trying for more charges of stalking and battery.”

That won’t fly. There’s not a scratch on him or Cloud. Zack chuckles, “I’m not really traumatized, just stressed. I knew that shithead would show up.”

He can hear Angeal shrug. 

“Well, I’ll take whatever I can to keep him off the streets and away from you, kiddo.”

“Aw, come on- stop it. You’re embarrassing me.”

“It’s what I live for,” Angeal teases. 

A nice silence falls over the phone and Zack takes the moment to rush across the street. 

“Did...did Seph say anything about Cloud?”

Angeal snorts, “real tough guy huh? I heard he was all set to bloodily Roche up for you.”

Yeah. Fuckin’ sweet the more Zack replays it in his head. Probably says something about him that he thinks violent protection is a little romantic. It’s just...fuck, Cloud so fiercely wanted to keep Zack from hurting. 

Unsure what to say Zack just sighs and mumbles out a dopey, “ye-ah.”

Angeal laughs again, “well, I hope you two hotheads try and keep your heads on straight. As much as Roche probably deserves it, you two need to ease up on the punch first, talk later strat.”

“ Hey- I didn’t do any of the punching this time.”

“I heard you tried.”

“Damnit.” Sephiroth. Zack had the smallest hope that he’d just forget to tell Angeal. 

“Just get your thesis polished up and apply for post-grad. And maybe reel in your boy.” The teasing tone is still there so Zack doesn’t feel too bad. 

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Really, you holding up okay? I know you’ve been stressing.”

Angeal’s constant checking in usually gets annoying, but Zack only feels a pleased humming in his chest. He’s not always looking for attention from everyone. Since he’s been falling in and out of his stress episodes all year it feels encouraging that he’s getting it. He blinks away his suddenly wet eyes and snorts to cover it.

“Yeah I’m fine, don’t be such a Dad.”

“And you don’t be so strong-willed. It’s okay to lean on us sometimes you know.”

“Come on, man. I’m in public. Don’t get all sappy with me.”

Angeal makes a soft noise, barely audible. His, ‘I’ll let this go for now’ noise. 

“I gotta go Angeal, Jess and Cloud are waiting on me.” It’s only half true, he can see them waiting, relaxed, and clearly not in that much of a rush. 

“Alright, I’ll call you later if I get any more updates.”

“Thanks, Angeal. Again .” 

His laugh echos in his head as he hangs up and slips up to Cloud’s side.

“Hey.”

“He-y,” Jessie smiles big, “guess who got teased all of class today.”

Cloud flushes dark pink and shifts his gaze to Zack’s shoulder. Won’t meet Zack’s eyes. 

It’s not surprising, that crowd had been fairly large, very intent on watching their ‘fight’ break out. Zack’s been hearing small snippets of people whispering about it all day. It’s a smaller university than other schools in the area and not much goes on at ShinRa. Nothing dramatic anyway. Of course it’s going to be all over campus. 

“Whatever, let's just go eat. I’m starving,” Cloud says. 

They go off campus even though their lunch is supposed to be fast. Zack can push his meeting a little later and Jessie’s last class for the day is much later. It’s really just Cloud’s next one, but it seems to be one he doesn’t care about. Shrugs it off when Zack mentions it as they walk.

The little hole in the wall place is Jessie’s choice. Her favorite spot off campus that she hasn’t been able to take Zack to in forever. It’s a little fusion place that Zack never remembers, Mediterranean food and something else. Not spicy enough for him though. After Friday and his apparent habits of ignoring help and concern he needs to make it up to her. And everyone else. 

Cloud heads to the back of the place to the most secluded table in a dark corner. It makes Zack snort. He’s probably drained from too much attention and Jessies-no doubt- didn’t ease anyone’s teasing. He has to at least smile. It’s been a long time since he’s felt that undying loyalty from someone. 

Makes him miss Kunsel even more. Maybe he should try and find him, just to see if he’s okay. 

“So, aren’t ya gonna tell Zack how much trouble you’re in?” Jessie's body slams into the booth next to Cloud. 

The expected eye roll is there. Following pink tinging his cheeks. Zack snorts out a short laugh. 

“Can’t be too bad, you're not pouting.”

Cloud frowns, “I don’t get pouty.”

“Oh my god, please,” Jessie laughs, doubles down over the table in amusement, “ not pouty. Cloud when you thought Zack was tired of you all you did was mope the biggest emo-teen mope for DAYS.”

Despite the slight sting of their past argument and Zack’s major fuck up- it’s still cute to see the exact pout they are teasing Cloud about appear on his pretty face. Corners of his mouth tugged down and full, brows straightening out, even his eyes flutter down to the side. 

Zack leans in at him from across the table and kicks gently at his shin. 

“Right, doesn’t pout.”

“Shut up- I’m still mad at you.”

What.

“Wha- what did I do?” Zack stutters. He’s not too worried, but his chest still locks for a moment and he replays the weekend in his head. 

Jessie is snickering at him behind her menu.

“You’re on my shit list too, Raspberry.”

A fake-hurt gasp, “what! Co-me on. It was just a bit of teasing.”

“A bit- Jessie you got the whole class to share videos from their phones on the fucking projector.”

That earns a wince. Okay, Cloud isn’t in as good a mood as Zack thought. 

“Okay, can we get to the trouble part?” Zack says. Better get off this path of poking at Cloud before he really does become mad at him.

Second eye roll, okay.

“There is none,” Cloud says, “just a warning. Sephiroth stopped by this morning to lecture me.”

Jessie snickers and slides down in her seat with a silly grin, “So long as you don’t throw any more punches? You two really are a pea in a pod.”

“He shoved Zack!” Cloud says loudly.

“After Zack swung at him, you hothea-”

“-No. You don’t know Roche,” Zack sobers, a numb feeling in the back of his mind, “he’s looking for payback. It wouldn’t have mattered if I made a move first or not.” 

He can’t quite say he thinks it’s the end. But when is it ever? Zack’s done permanent things in his past determined to follow him no matter how far he runs. 

Sighing with sudden tiredness he ignores the bickering Jessie and Cloud have fallen into and orders the fastest thing on the menu. He’s more than happy that Sephiroth kept his word and didn’t throw Cloud under the bus. He wasn’t going to lie, he was pretty worried about it despite him voicing otherwise. Maybe because it was Roche and not someone else. Sephiroth has always given Zack an easy time when it comes to Roche. 

***

A week and one uneventful lacrosse game later Zack’s been drowning in editing his thesis over and over. The first sign of spring is peaking out from the sky. Warm enough to forget jackets and only one layer needed. Makes it even harder to focus on school when all he wants to do is play mini lacrosse games and lay in the grass with Cloud. 

It’s so nice to feel the sun warming his skin when he wakes that the sad little moan he presses into Cloud’s skin is real. Just a tad whinny too. 

He does not want to get up.

Ever again. 

It’s nice right here under the morning Saturday sun peeking into the apartment. It’s too bad he can’t lay around on top of Cloud today. He’s gotta go turn his thesis in and then apply for post-grad. Which for some fuckin’ reason he needs to meet with his mentor for that. 

Good thing it’s stupid Seph. 

“Wait, where you going?” Cloud mumbles into the pillows as Zack (very slowly) pulls away to sit up. 

The sheets slide down and pool into his lap. Pulling down over Cloud’s lithe form and exposing sparse freckled skin. He’s too tempting to ignore. Zack leans down to press dry, soft kisses into his shoulder blades. Under that one large beauty mark just at the back of his ribs.

“Sorry, gotta go do some stuff for post-grad application.”

Cloud groans and shoves his face into Zack’s pillow some more.

“I’mork onou’r Jeepto-day.”

He only heard ‘Jeep’ but it’s not too hard to figure out. 

“Damn, I’ll be a bit. Can’t believe I gotta miss out on you getting all sexy under my hood.”

He’s serious but it makes Cloud laugh. A lot, so much he turns with shaking shoulders and a bright smile on his soft face.

“You messed it up pretty bad. It’ll take me a while,” Cloud says sleepily. His eyes heavy with affection. He reaches for Zack like his arms are lead-lined. Slow and limply. Brushes the extra fly-away hairs that fall into Zack’s face every morning back. 

“So, you saying I get to come home to you all greased up?”

His eye roll is completely ruined with his timidly pleased smile. 

“Sure Zack. I don’t know why you think that’s so hot. I hate engine grease.” 

It’s more the muscle tanks Cloud always slips on. But that was summer and it’s not warm enough for that little of clothing yet. 

He really has to get going and the stupid sweet smile Cloud is flirting with is going to win him over if he doesn’t get up right this second. He leans down for a quick kiss and doesn’t let his eyes linger like he does most mornings. Just struggles to get a leg through his jeans and hops around looking for a clean shirt.

Cloud’s laugh is warm and quiet; stuck in his head as he leaves the apartment and briskly crosses campus. 

It’s a long morning that goes by in a blur and sticks to feeling long all at the same time. Keeps him in a weird can’t-shake-sleep mindset that is very distracting. Also thinking about Cloud reaching and stretching under the open hood of his Wrangler is proving dangerous to his bodily health. He’s tripped over the same fucking curb in and out of Seph’s office building. Coming and going. 

Heading back under blue skies and the semi-warm light of a late winter sun really kicks in his relaxation. Brings back that hard to worry about school feeling. 

He’s got everything finished for graduation, just finals to go. Has his application approved and ready to send in next weekend and...that’s it really. He’s nearly finished with this oddly shitty year. A sudden pull in his chest of open farm fields and a backscape of mountains is too strong. 

He wants to go back there this summer. Back to Nibelheim with Cloud and spend the hot days doing weird small town things again. Wants to see the quiet confidence that just comes out of nowhere shinning in his eyes. He sees it sometimes here, but there’s still a wall of aloofness in him. 

Part of Zack gets annoyed with himself for even comparing. Of course Cloud will be more shielded here. It’s...not new to him, but it’s still a slow ride for him and his amnesia. Zack’s just honestly impressed Cloud’s let him pass the bashful glares. Still. Still can’t believe it. 

Keeping his stupid, dopey smile the whole way isn’t hard with thoughts of Cloud and somehow his cheeks are not used to all it. 

He goes the long way around that comes up the parking lot side of his building and spots Cloud outside at his Wrangler. Disappointedly, he’s not in his muscle tank, but the dark short sleeve v-neck is rising up his torso as he rises on his tippy toes to reach all the way into the engine. 

Zack smirks. Wants to be mean and raise his Jeep up another tier just so Cloud’s skin will get exposed in nice teasingly small strips every time he has to get in and out. 

There are no clouds blocking the sunlight and no indicator that it will rain anytime soon this weekend, so Cloud has taken it upon himself to de-roof the soft top and pull all the doors off. Which are placed nicely on a rack Zack doesn’t remember having. Stacked nicely so the rubber seals won’t get damaged and packed off to the side. Complete with wheels to roll it around. It’s useful. He’s got an older model, those doors are fucking heavy. 

“Okay Cloud, now?” Jessie’s bright tone reaches Zack’s ears first. 

She pops up from the front seat, head sticking out the top of the roll bars to look down at Cloud. Zack doubts she can see him though with the hood pressed all the way to the windshield. Tifa’s sweet laugh comes from the back and her dark hair pops up the roof as well. She pulls herself up a bit more to rest her arms on the center roll bar and smiles.

“Think you gotta yell a bit louder. His head is buried, Jess.” 

Zack can barely hear them over the roaring of the engine and he comes around the side with a over-exaggerated arm wave to the girls.

“Hey Zack!” Jessie half yells. 

‘What?” Cloud asks, pulling back and narrowly missing the hood with his head. 

“Woah, jeez, short-stuff, careful.” Zack grabs at the steel plate to make sure it doesn’t dislodge and follow Cloud’s head. 

“Zack,” Cloud’s smile is too much today. Hits Zack in the gut and flares up butterflies in him like they haven’t been dating for two years. Too soft and sweet and he’s got stupid grease smeared across the bridge of his nose, “good, I was about to go inside. I left some of my tools up there, can you grab them on your way back down?”

“What no hello kiss?”

Cloud wrinkles his nose, glances at Jessie and Tifa smiling at them from the roll bars.

“We don’t do that.”

Except they do. Zack smiles, grabs at Cloud’s ever toning bicep, and leans down to brush their lips together.

“Mm,” he hums into Cloud’s lips, “sure we don’t. Bag by the door?” He confirms. 

“Yeah.” 

Zack chuckles and squeezes Cloud’s arm before heading inside. He takes the elevator and tries not to think about drunk Cloud feeling up his abs on the way up. Seems so long ago now. 

The small canvas bag is sitting messily right by Zack’s shoe rack and he exchanges it for his own backpack. Shrugs off his hoodie too, it is a bit warm for it and for the Henley he’s got on underneath. The bag clanks the whole time Zack heads back down, taking the stairs after glancing at the couple waiting near the elevator. 

His Jeep is still idling but Cloud isn’t back to under the hood. Actually…

Zack frowns. Something seems off. Jessie is on her phone and scrambling to get down from the high front seat and-

Zack’s entire body freezes. His heart stutters to a stop and restarts hard. 

“Cloud! Cloud!” 

“Zack!” Tifa’s jumping down out the back onto the concrete, “get help, Zack!” 

Get help- there is no time, is she joking. 

Roche. Suddenly there with his wild eyes. 

The fucking crazy is yanking Cloud back by his shirt, turning him roughly to shove him back against the Jeep, and Zack is too far to do anything yet. He can only rush forward and watch as Roche grabs at a rather heavy-looking wrench resting on the bumper of the Wrangler and take a strong wack at Cloud. 

It’s painful and nearly everything leaves Zack’s sight except for red and Cloud’s biting yelp thundering in his head. Roche has got Cloud’s shirt bunched up and ready to take another swing at him when Zack finally reaches them. 

Jessie and Tifa are screaming something and Zack just doesn’t care anymore. So what, they can kick him out. Take away his freedom again. He’s not going to just watch Roche beat Cloud bloody. Grabbing him by his neck, Zack yanks Roche away. Breaks his hold on Cloud and twists him around to sucker punch the sandy blonde in the stomach. It’s hard and full of every fear and angry thought Zack has had since Reno showed all the way back at the beginning of the year. 

“You think you can just do whatever you want, Roche?” Zack bites out, yanks him up by his own shirt, and nearly spits in his face, “you’ll get thrown in jail again for this.”

Roche laughs. He fucking laughs. Limp in Zack’s grip and just starts a slow, amused chuckle. 

“Fine, throw me jail,” the glint in his eyes. It’s too bright. Vibrating with too much dark amusement, “at least I’ll have earned it this time.”

“Wha-“ too similar. It’s way too similar this time. The pain. Why is there pain? It rips through his entire body and his legs shake. 

All the sound punches back to him and his breath gets stuck this time. 

It hurts.

A lot. Hurts like fire and metal. 

“Zack!” All three. He hears all three voices. 

The pain is too much and he can’t keep hold of Roche. He stumbles back and the pain explodes into a million tiny little needles. His leg.

His other leg, the one Roche didn’t stab. Fuck. Well...no he has now. 

The handle of a knife is sticking out the meaty part of his thigh, high up and panic rips through Zack like the blade in his flesh. Could be so close to an artery, could be….fuck.

“Cloud,” Zack slurs. His tongue feels heavy and he stumbles back again. 

Roche is laughing. 

His leg feels too wet. Is it raining? No...

Sirens start to cry in the air. 

Someone grabs him and eases him down, too small to be Cloud’s hands though. Brown eyes.  Where?

Where is Cloud?

It’s the last thing Zack gets a clear focus on as he looks around. Cloud’s stepping between him and Roche, grabbing the guy’s collar and shoving him with all his strength into the Wrangler's front bumper. The force comes with Roche’s will to fight back, manages to shove Cloud down, and lands a few hard kicks into his side. At least it looks that way. Zack hopes it’s not as bad as it looks. The Jeep shakes so much the hood falls and Zack passes out to Roche’s scream. His arm getting stuck in the hood of the car as it slams down onto him. 

“Cl-Cloud…”

He’s lying on the concrete by the wheel. Zack….he needs to get to him but…

He doesn’t see red anymore. 

He doesn’t see anything. 

“Zack!”

***

Crying. He hears held in crying. Everything is….weirdly quiet and the ceiling is an odd off-white color. 

More crying. Raspy and getting stuck low in the back of someone’s throat. 

Someone….

“Zack.”

Warm. His wrist is really warm. 

“Hey pup, not yet. Easy.” 

The ceiling only looks a little different this time and he doesn’t hear any more crying. 

“Please…” such a soft voice, “please Zack, not you too.”

Him too?

It’s….

It’s actually warm. He was cold before, but he feels better. More normal. 

Beeping. Huh, he hasn’t heard that before. Sounds like a hospital. Oh, right. The ceiling. That’s why it looks so weird. 

His next breath is deeper and wakes him more. Nothing is blurry anymore and it only takes a few blinks to right his vision. 

Yep. Definitely in a hospital. Casue Roche stabbed him. 

Again. 

In the other leg.

Fuckin’  

“Ugh. Great,” Zack mumbles. At least the knife wasn’t as big as the last one...right?

Zack doesn’t feel anything, but it could be because he’s stiff and on painkillers. That drip next to him looks suspiciously large. He tries moving his leg and the twinging in his upper thigh makes him wince hard. Kay, not great painkillers. The rest of him should be fine though. His hand has an odd limited motion and is overly warm. Weird, Zack’s pretty sure Roche only got him in the thigh. He sits up a tad and glances down to his right. 

Cloud.

There he is. 

“Tsha.” Zack makes a soft sound. A half coo, half sigh. 

Cloud is hunched over his hand, grip tight on his wrist, and sleeping on the mattress. Butted up against Zack’s leg, his cheek is smooshed and he looks...not great. Zack can see the butterfly stitches on his brow and he has dark circles under his eyes. His knuckles have deep scrapes on them, most of the damage covered in messy bandages. 

Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if he had kept his stupid hoodie on. He knows that’s dumb thinking. That Roche would have probably been out there no matter what. But maybe….maybe if he had kept the stupid thing on the stabbing wouldn’t have happened. 

Or Cloud would be less injured. 

Zack thinks he remembers seeing a rather hard kick to his side. 

“Finally coherent?” Angeal’s voice drifts from his left.

Zack jumps, winces as his hip jostles Cloud. He didn’t even see Angeal sitting in another pulled-up chair, looking just as exhausted as Zack feels. His focus had zeroed in on Cloud immediately. 

“Angeal….” Zack doesn't know what to say. His first instinct is to apologize but…

He isn’t sure why he feels like he did something wrong. Roche came looking for him. He can’t spend his whole life on edge like he has been. It’ll kill him that way. 

“He really loves you.”

“Hm?”

“Spent the whole time getting patched up asking about you. I had to let him sign on being your second emergency contact to let him in right after they closed up your leg.”

Zack swallowed. Imagining a panicked Cloud shaking and bickering with strangers to ‘move aside’ hurts his chest. In the best way and the worst way. He’ll get the heart flutter from other experiences. Reliving this one isn’t on his high-up list. 

“Is...is he okay?” The stitches on his brow.

Angeal huffs, “ yeah, cracked a few knucklebones and he’s scrapped up pretty good. Ribs are bruised too-”

“-Roche kicked him-”

“- but he’s tough. Quiet too. Glared at me the entire time I was sitting in here with you and didn’t say a word. He’s got that death stare down pretty well.”

Zack laughs at that one. He can just hear it in Cloud’s clipped voice. Probably blames Angeal, or anyone who even remotely knows about Roche. 

“So,” he stills, loses focus staring at Cloud’s fluffy hair, he must have washed it recently, “tell me. How bad is the damage?”

Angeal huffs, “you’re one lucky kid, you know that?” 

Not too bad then? He feels okay, but that really could be the painkillers psyching him out. 

“Seems unlucky things keep happening...shoulda kept that stupid hoodie on,” He mumbles the last part to himself. Dipping his voice low so Angeal won’t catch most of it. 

He can’t help it. The thought screams at him loudly, over and over. 

“Huh.” A small realization, Cloud’s got his hoodie on now. That feels significant for some reason. All the times they have a constant, silly little war on who gets it for the day pop into Zack’s head. Zack usually caves unless he’s freezing. Cloud looks so sweet in it. Sleeves too long and the dark navy is so pretty against his pale hair and bright eyes. 

“He nicked an artery Zack, we nearly lost you,” Angeal says with a voice so small it shakes too clear of memories the first time he woke up in the hospital from Roche. 

“I…” a massive wave of sadness crashes over him and he has to blink rapidly to keep his vision clear, “sorry...I’m sorry Angeal.”

“Geez, Kid, what the hell is with you? None of this is your fault.” Angeal stands and clasps one of his large warm hands on the back of Zack’s neck. Squeezes affectionately. 

“It’s the painkillers,” Zack says. Trying to pass off his all-over-the-place emotions. A rare dry press of lips from Angeal on his brow makes him feel too warm all over and it doesn’t really help with the whole trying not to cry thing. 

“It won’t happen again,” Angeal squeezes him one more time and pats the top of his head like he’s a little sad puppy, “I’ve made sure. Really made sure.   Roche already broke his parole, now with this and stepping over the restraining order. It’ll be pretty hard for him to even leave Gongaga now.”

That poor little town. Zack’s going to go ahead and assume a lot of jail time is in Roche’s future. 

“Zack.”

All his unsure and guilty feelings cut back into nothing at Cloud’s unbelieving tone. Drifting small and shaky from his side. 

“He~y,” Zack slurs at him. Shit he looks so frail. Eyes wide with worry and chest stuttering in air. 

A charged, tight buzz fills the room and Cloud lingers with small twitches like he doesn’t know what to do. Zack frowns. Starts looking for any signs of a triggered episode. But Cloud doesn’t let him get too far. Launches himself from his chair to slip his arms tightly around Zack’s back and press his face into the warm spot by his ear and his jaw. 

The sudden movement jostles Zack’s whole body and the sharp pain from the stitches in his thigh make themselves very well known. Doesn’t keep him from holding in a wince and embracing Cloud just as tightly. 

“I fucking hate you,” Cloud’s voice is more than watery. Breaks completely at the end of his words and Zack feels the hairline at his neck start to dampen. 

Cloud’s body starts shaking in his arms and his gasps are barely controlled and quiet. Raspy and hiding as best he can that he’s crying. 

Zack glances at Angeal, silently asking for some privacy. He’s lucky Angeal is good at social cues, unlike Sephiroth who just blunders his way through all the uncomfortableness. He feels a little bad thinking he’s glad Sephiroth isn’t here. He also feels bad for his silence. He usually has no problem comforting Cloud but he’s at a loss being half doped and waking from who knows how long. So he squeezes Cloud instead. Immediately Cloud yelps and pulls back roughly. Shit, the bruised ribs. 

“Sorry, sorry Cloud.”

His breathing is better though. Cloud laughs through his sniffling and folds in one of his legs to sit against Zack. Reaches out to trace over Zack’s cheek scar with the lightest touch. 

Suddenly all those mumbles of a voice are clear to him. 

Not him too.

Like Cloud’s mom. 

Zack’s chest contracts tightly. 

“Hey,” he tries again, “come on, I’m tougher than that. Don’t worry, babe. I’m not gonna leave you.”

Too real. That’s too real for Cloud. Zack sees it the moment he says it. Cloud’s whole body goes stiff and his eyes darken, twitch slightly with the subtle signs of triggering symptoms. It’s the hardest thing, waiting for Cloud to register his words and think over his brain’s slow response. Zack wants to ask about Cloud’s injuries, but one thing at a time. He’s clearly tittering on the edge between okay and not okay. 

“You fuckin’ asshole,” Cloud finally bites out, “I can’t believe you tried to bleed out on me.”

Okay. So Cloud gets mean when he’s scared. Zack can handle that. Sees through his harsh tone and guarded words. It’s actually kinda cute. 

“Come here,” Zack opens his arms again. Shifts more so Cloud can lay on him without disturbing his injured leg. 

The wait on that is almost none. Cloud flows back down, slower and more gentle on Zack. Settles on his chest and focuses on tracing the dips in his collarbones. They lay in silence for a while. The clock ticking is loud and Zack is half drifting off when Cloud presses a barely-there kiss to his chest.

“Zack.” 

It’s there in his name. The ‘I love you’ Cloud holds close to his chest. It’s pushed into the short letters of his name, drawn out deeply and gently. Content. A sigh of relief letting out all the stress and fear that must have been swimming in his mind. 

Even if Zack doesn’t hear the admittance of love as he falls back into sleep, it’s okay. He heard it in the way Cloud’s say his name. In his harsh tone and his need to stay close. 

He’s okay. 

***

“O~h my god, I am not okay,” Zack loudly whines. Thunks his head back against the pillow.

Two days, two whole days in the hospital because his stupid leg.

‘No Zack’, he hears in his head, ‘it’s because you lost so much blood .’ Have to monitor you and blah, blah, blah, who cares. He is SO bored. He doesn't even have homework to do since graduation is next week and his finals are all too easy and barely even finals. 

Good thing Angeal was able to submit his forms online for him. 

He wishes he could say the same for Cloud. He’s still got the full month and a half left.  

“Shut up, Zack,” Jessie grins at him from the doorway, “you’re being freed right as we speak.”

“Oooo, thank GOD,” Zack exaggerates. He was thinking about re-stabbing himself just so he didn’t have to listen to that stupid clock tick one minute longer. 

It’s only been two hours without Cloud sitting on his bed and petting some part of him, but a long two hours. 

So long.

“Ughhh-”

“-Shut up, Zack.” Cloud appears in the doorway, pushing Jessie gently over to the side. A wheelchair comes with him and Zack frowns again.

“I don’t need that.”

“Yes you do.”

“N~o, I don’t.”

Cloud rolls his eyes, “you do if you wanna get out of here.”

Cloud will decide if he needs help or not, he knows that tone. The glare alone is making Zack swallow his other shallow complaints. Just let his grumpy boyfriend help him. Or else. 

Swinging his legs over is the easy part. 

Three days, that is it. That’s how long he’s been in the hospital and most of his shakiness and weak, sore muscles are due to his blood loss, not actual loss in overall strength. It’s still beyond irritating and Zack can’t wait for his body to be aware that he’s got enough blood pumping in him again. 

Cloud’s glaring harsher at him, pushing the wheelchair so Zack just has to stand, spin, and then sit. Grabs at his arm to help steady him if he needs it. He doesn’t. Not really. The stitches do pull when he flexes and stands, but other than that he’ll just be limping around for about a month. The worried, mad thin line of Cloud’s lips does manage to guilt him into staying quiet. He lets Cloud hover and help him spin to sit into the wheelchair. 

“Wait,” Zack grabs at the hem of his shirt once he’s seated, “kiss?”

Cloud flushes. Glances at Jessie like she hasn’t seen them making out in a booth in public or linger against each other every time Zack comes to ‘pick’ Cloud up from class. 

“Fine.” At least he gets it, as short of a peck, but he gets it. 

Zack smiles up at Cloud sweetly, trying to act as innocent as he can. Cloud isn’t mad at him. He’s still feeling residual fear and worry. Zack can’t fault him for that. He won’t, feels some of it himself every time Cloud winces from his ribs. Or scratches at the stitches in his brow. 

Still, doesn’t hurt to be wary. He knows Cloud is having too many flare-ups. Half their conversations are long periods of silence and mostly Zack talking at Cloud. The eye twitch, it’s too persistent in the evening when Cloud’s normal quiet nature comes out. 

A mild concussion, Cloud told him after he woke up again on the first day. Bruised ribs, mild concussion, busted knuckles on his right hand, and lots of small scrapes. Five stitches on that brow cut and a busted lip that was so mild Zack only knows it’s there from Cloud bothering it with his tongue half the day. 

He feels it’s a little unfair. Cloud’s more busted than he is. He was just the lucky bitch that lost too much blood. 

Cloud pushes him out with cautious turns and glares at Jessie when she doesn’t get the doors fast enough. It’s really fine though, once they are outside, Zack’s shoving himself up. Half bickering with Cloud about it while they wait for...something. Zack’s not sure. 

Tifa’s truck is pulling up and Zack feels a bit dumb, he thought they were going to walk the five blocks to his apartment. His confusion must show on his face. Grows in his silent response to Cloud’s judgy glance.

“...did you think we were going to make you walk home?” Jessie snorts. 

“...no…”

He’s going to ignore that wide grin and just...hobble over to the suddenly very tall truck. It takes him a bit to haul himself up, awkwardly figuring out how to shift his hips around to pull up without too much strain on his thigh. Without a doubt, he knows Cloud’s hovering behind him the whole time. 

Tifa smiles at him and waits patiently for him to get comfortable and buckle up. Jessie and Cloud jump into the bed of the truck and they pull out of the pickup lane outside the hospital. Tifa glances uneasily at Zack every so often once they get on the roads. 

“Doin’ okay?”

“Yeah…” he probably shouldn’t ask, not Tifa, it’s between him and Cloud but, “he’s actually mad at me, huh?”

Tifa winces. He’ll take that as a yes.

“Not...not really. Cloud,” she glances in the rearview mirror and slowly turns, “Cloud doesn’t know what to do with worry. He’s not used to having someone to worry about.” 

That makes Zack sad. And he knows Cloud didn’t have a great attitude in his past but being so closed off and scared of people to live that numbly, it’s hard to think about.

“So he is then.”

“Zack,” Tifa sighs his name, “Just let him...I dunno, do his Cloud things. He just doesn’t know how to compute his worry.” 

Compute. Zack snorts. It’s one way of thinking about it. Still makes him a little sad. He stares at Cloud in the side mirror until Tifa is pulling up at...Cloud’s place?

“Uh.”

“Oh, right,” Tifa says, “no one told you? Odd. Angeal’s got your apartment on watch for the week. Just in case.”

Just in case…Angeal had said...maybe he’s just being extra careful. It’s Angeal after all. He won’t lie, he’s not prepared to be in a small place with Cloud, Jessie, Biggs, and Wedge. 

And with Tifa and Aerith next door…

He just sighs again and adjusts his mindset. Focuses on the ache in his thigh and tries to think about getting around Cloud’s sudden caginess. Tifa pulls around the back and parks as close as she can. Waits for Zack to slowly get down from the truck before getting out herself. He turns and meets Cloud with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

“Brought some of your stuff, you can have my bed.”

Have his bed? Alone? Zack knows it’s small, but Cloud’s injured too. He’ll have to find time to get him alone and have a talk with him. This unwavering coldness is hiding too much and Zack just knows Cloud is suffering for him. He doesn’t need it. Strength like that isn’t needed on someone like him. He’d rather they struggle together. He’s not even that bad off. He knows he almost died but, he can’t stop the frustration he feels. A bit dramatic. That’s what he feels Cloud is being.

Thankfully, when they enter the apartment Biggs and Wedge just offer him grim smiles and capture Jessie’s attention before she follows them into Cloud’s room. She means well too, but the tight line in Cloud’s shoulders means he’s getting annoyed with her. 

“Fine, fine,” she calls to their backs, “I'll order in. Pizza?”

Yes please, oh god. Anything is better than that mush at the hospital. 

The bedroom door closes and it’s just him and Cloud. The awkwardness finally consumes the air between them. 

Cloud drops the duffle bag, shoulders slumping and keeps his back to Zack. It’s even harder to read him and Cloud’s words from the year before echo in his head.

Hard to talk to. Even before the accident. 

“Okay,” Zack’s just taking the leap. If he pushes Cloud just enough it’ll all come tumbling out anyway, “I get it. You’re mad.”

“I’m not mad,” Cloud says too quiet to be a normal volume. Not a whisper either. It’s closed off and small. 

“Look, I don’t wanna pull this card okay, but my leg is fuckin’ killing me and I didn’t expect to be landed with three roommates while I finish healing.” 

Maybe that’s unfair. Right now though, Zack needs Cloud close to his body and in his arms, not trying to be ‘strong’ for him or whatever he thinks he’s doing to help in his head. Watching Cloud’s whole body shiver and his hands tighten into fists makes him feel worse. He sighs, again. Seems all he’s doing lately. Taking the few steps up to Cloud doesn’t hurt, but his leg is getting tired. And it does ache all over. Deeply. 

He hasn’t even really comprehend what happened yet. Feels like a fog in his mind. A dream that is too real. When the fog fades he’d really like Cloud to be free from whatever is keeping him distant. 

Cloud hates being touched when he’s uncomfortable, but it’s all Zack can think of to reach him. Lays a soft hand onto his shoulder and gets the immediate shrug-off he knew would happen.

“Cloud.”

“What,” Cloud snips, “What, Zack. I don’t know what you want.”

Ouch, okay. This is...a learning curve. He’s too sweet on him and then cold the next moment. Maybe if Zack’s leg wasn’t pulsing he’d have more patience to think through Cloud’s behavior. Regretfully, his wiriness gets the better of him this time. 

“I want,” Zack snips, grabs Cloud’s arm, and spins him around, “you to fuckin’ knock it off with the-”

Yeah. Okay, Zack’s still being the jerk here. That wince from the spin is harsh and the tears- they are impossible to miss. 

Fuck. 

Cloud shudders and pulls into himself. Hunches his head down and takes deep shattering breathes to try and contain himself. He’s not hiding from Zack to be strong, he’s hiding so Zack won’t worry about him. So Zack can focus on healing instead? 

Zack drops his hands. Stares at Cloud falling apart in front of him. Lost, he is so very lost. Is Cloud...his coldness a shield then, when all he wants is to fall apart instead? Double Fuck. 

“Cloud…”

“I...I…” Cloud’s descending into a panic attack territory and Zack hasn’t seen him this bad since the summer. Wasn’t even like this either. 

“Cloud, shit, okay, it’s okay.”

“I-” Frozen, he’s freezing up. Eyes going dim like they do during an episode. 

Zack’s never wanted to be the reason he succumbs to one. 

He’s trying the touch again because he’s at a loss. Cloud’s panicking too much for words to really get through to him and the deep breaths to contain his tears don’t seem to be helping him. He grabs Cloud again and knows the yanking hurts his ribs, but he needs Cloud to be flushed against his body. Pressed in close so Zack can hunch down over him and envelope him. 

Words still don’t come to him even with the comfort of holding Cloud close. No, instead his own eyes start to sting listening to Cloud trying to stop. It’s getting tiring standing. Too stubborn to let go. So he drags him over the three steps to the small twin bed and drags Cloud down with him. It hurts. They both gasp twinges of aches and pulls in between their tears and Zack will never admit to anyone he spent at least an hour crying into his boyfriend’s shoulder while he cried against him. 

And it really is an hour. They just curl uncomfortably against each other holding on too tightly. Zack doesn’t know what’s going on in Cloud’s head and his own is swimming with too much. It actually feels good to cry so much, to let out the stress and the unbelievability of the last week. 

“I…” Cloud’s voice comes out just as small as before. Muffled more by Zack’s skin. He doesn’t move, in case hiding his face is the only way for Cloud to speak right now, “I failed... didn’t protect you.”

Protect him...from...god, Cloud, this ridiculously sweet man. Guilty because he promised Zack he wouldn’t let Roche hurt him. As if he can control everything so easily. He still did anyway. Without the distraction of Cloud, Jessie, and Tifa who knows what Roche could have done. Having someone that stubborn for him. Feels scary and exciting. Warm and comforting. 

“Cloud,” Zack threads his fingers through his hair, “it’s not your job to protect me.”

The explosion of rage from Cloud is just another curve he’s not expecting. He’s shoving himself up enough to glare down at Zack. 

“Yes it is!”

“Cloud.”

“I couldn’t do anything, I let him get the jump on me.”

Coming out of nowhere when they didn’t expect it, how is any of this something to expect? Cloud was working on his jeep. Zack’s not getting the connection to this. He keeps a tight grip on Cloud’s arm so he doesn’t lose balance on his awkward spot between Zack's legs. 

“And how were you supposed to know that he was going-”

“You were bleeding out! Zack you-you…Yo-”

“-Okay, okay-”

“-You can’t die . Not after...not, my mom. Zack not so soon. No...wait..”

Thundering in his ears. His blood, it’s pulsing hard in his heart, hurting along with Cloud’s distress. He’s getting mixed up with time. Thinking the accident-shit that was years ago- happened more recently. A full relapse. Tifa was right. Zack’s never seen Cloud get this bad. He hates it. It’s terrible to hear and to see the shaking in his hands. So violent and oddly choppy. Like his body knows it shouldn’t be so freaked out but his brain can’t understand. 

The touches then. Zack always resorts to touching. They do really help. Let’s Cloud know that now is real. That he is present and awake. He has to fight him at first, Cloud’s really worked himself up and his muscles are tightly coiled. Eventually, Zack does get him curled back onto his chest. Grasps at the back of his head and presses his cheek hard against the top of Cloud’s hair. There’s not much he can do really. Other than breathing deep. Slow inhales that Cloud can match his own breathing to. Count quietly against his ear when he needs it most.

This far into his panic, Zack can only help him this way as he rides it out. It takes a while, but Cloud passes out eventually. Exhaustion settling in. 

Jessie pokes her head in at some point to let Zack know about pizza. Sends sad, worried honey eyes at them when Zack shushes her and waves her away. They can eat later. Zack doesn’t want to move Cloud now that he’s sleeping. 

Besides, laying and staring at the ceiling is really making him be aware of his leg’s pain burning. Zack focuses on it and tries to think of a way to make this better. 

***

It hasn’t been easy, the last four weeks. Living half at Cloud’s place and then finally getting back to his own just after his stitches were removed. 

School has flown by and Zack’s leg healed enough that he could have gone to the walking ceremony. He doesn’t-too nervous about his acceptance coming back. It’s okay, he doesn’t have that much doubt he won’t make it into grad school. He can walk then, after those four years.  

No, his finals week went blissfully by even with his stitches rubbing annoyingly against his jeans for half of it. At least he’s finally free of them. Just a gnarly jagged white scar standing out on his tanned skin.   

It’s Cloud that’s been difficult and by difficult Zack means shut out. Completely quiet and hardly talking. He comes over all the time. Still settles right against Zack when he’s studying late into the night and curls up on Zack’s chest like he normally does.

It’s just lacking the little talking Cloud does.

And his laugh. Zack misses his laugh. 

If they were having sex, Zack would miss that too. But they aren’t because of Cloud’s ribs. Though Zack is pretty sure it wouldn’t be happening either way. As it were, Cloud barely shifts around from sitting without wincing in pain. Four weeks the doctors said. Almost the last entire month of school for Cloud. 

So...it’s a little hard then for Zack to tell if Cloud’s reserved nature is a combination of things or if he’s still ‘upset’ with Zack. Or himself rather. 

Zack hates that. The guilt that is causing Cloud’s bashfulness to come out full force. Wishing he had picked up on Cloud’s survival guilt with his mother’s death would have been nice. But it’s not as if Cloud is so forthcoming with the accident. Zack still isn’t completely sure what happened or the details of his coma. Cloud’s mom...he rarely talks about her. 

For four weeks Zack spends most of that time helping Cloud study and longing to touch him. The only time Zack gets to hold Cloud close for any length of time is at night. When the stress and exhaustion have settled in and Cloud can’t keep up the cold shoulder as long. 

And then out of nowhere, Zack has a four-year degree and is accepted into another agonizingly long four years of post-grad. 

Cloud stutters his way through a last week of assignments and that weekend, the spring sun is warmer than normal again. 

Zack finds himself hovering over Cloud outside as he shoves his head (very cautiously and slowly) in between the Wrangler’s hood and snipping quietly at Zack to turn the car on and then off. To get him a tool or to hold something that Zack is pretty sure needs to stay in the engine. 

It takes the whole weekend but Cloud fixes her up for Zack. She’s running smooth and sounds almost new by Sunday evening. The sky is a deep orange and the air is still from the warmth of the day as the Jeep turns off one last time. 

Just a week left for Cloud and Zack has no idea what is happening for the summer. He’s been thinking it all weekend. Hesitate to push Cloud into any kind of conversation. 

Gingerly, Cloud closes the hood and climbs up onto it for a short rest. Feet planted on the large front bumper and hunching over to rest his elbows on his knees. Zack stares at him a whole two feet apart until an eye roll comes his way and Cloud waves him closer. 

It’s the first weekend Zack doesn’t feel tension rolling off of Cloud’s entire body so he takes his chance and steps right up into the open space of Cloud’s legs. Slides his hands over the top of Cloud’s thighs, up around his waist, and then places them on either side of his hips on the black hood of the Wrangler. The Jeep gives Cloud a whole head taller than Zack. Looking down at him with a small, set line on his face. 

Zack chances a pout and leans up close, looking for a kiss. He doesn’t get it. 

Instead, Cloud’s eyes trace all over Zack’s face and he sighs pathetically. Leans in to rests his arms over Zack’s shoulders. 

“Sorry. I’ve been so…”

“-bitchy?”

Cloud slaps his back, “down, but...that’s fair.”

“It’s okay, Cloud.”

“No. It’s really not. I’m,” Cloud tucks back a lock of hair that won’t keep still, “I’m really sorry. I don’t handle losing people well.”

“I’m still alive, short-stuff.”

“- almost , losing people. But, Tifa reminded me that I’m kinda an...an asshole.”

“Mmm,” Zack pushes up on his toes to get that kiss on Cloud’s lips, “did she punch you? Cause you’re still a little banged up.”

Cloud snorts, “no. She didn’t punch me,” silence with a vibration of hesitation. So much of it lately. Zack is tired of it, “...I have that appointment tomorrow, to look at my ribs. Y-You wanna go with me?”

Stutters over the question like Zack will say no. 

“Of course.”

Zack wants to kiss him again, but Cloud seems content to stay this close and stare into Zack’s eyes. Keeps fighting the strains of hair that refuse to stay back. Tucks them behind Zack’s ears and waits for them to spring forward before doing it again. Every time he does more and more tension leaves him and Cloud’s eyes soften back into the bright color that doesn’t hide from Zack anymore. 

When the sky goes dark and it’s hard to see details in their features even this close, Zack scoots forward so he can shove his face into the crook of Cloud’s shoulder. Hauls him to the edge of the Jeep and hugs him tight. 

“Thank you. For fixing my Jeep.”

“Mmmhmm, 2,000 bucks, hand it over,” Cloud deadpans.

Zack laughs and very gently skims his fingers down the ticklish part of Cloud’s sides. The low giggle that usually follows doesn’t happen this time. But neither does the wince. 

“Okay?”

He can't see Cloud’s heavied eye gaze. It’s the deep, slow hitches in his chest and his breathing hot against Zack’s neck. Zack shifts his torso to get as close as possible to Cloud. He’s barely flush against him and he can feel him hard in his jeans. 

Four weeks. Cloud should be fine, but-

Cloud moans, scooting forward more to get more friction.

“Woah,” Zack laughs, quickly slipping his arms down and scooping Cloud up so he doesn’t tumble down off the car, “maybe we should wait. Just in case.” 

Zack’s not really up to accidentally hurting Cloud. That wince is bad enough, if he pulls the bruised ribs during sex, he wouldn’t be able to get that look out of his head for a while. 

“But,” Cloud breathes deeply, tightening his arms on Zack’s shoulders, “it’s been a while. Zack-ah,” nope, the grinding against his torso, it’s not gonna work, “I’m good. Don’t need a check-up to tell me.”

There really is no wincing, but still. They shouldn’t.

Cloud’s trying his best though. Pulling Zack into deep, tongue-thick kisses every few steps. In the elevator going up, Cloud slips down from Zack’s grasp and rubs his whole body up against him. Lips going to the sensitive spot just below Zack’s ear. 

“Come on, not there short-stuff. I’m- ah, tryin’ to be a good boyfriend.”

Cloud moans way too loudly to be real, “yeah be a good boy and fuck me .”

Oh. 

That is so unfair. The praising. No no no. Zack can’t withstand that. His own groan is certainly too loud and he has to push Cloud back before he takes him right in the elevator. Breathing hard through his nose is the only thing keeping him from stripping Cloud right this second. 

It’s overwhelmingly hot in the elevator all of a sudden and the blown-out darkness of lust in Cloud’s eyes does nothing to help Zack calm down. 

He really shouldn’t. 

Of course, that’s how he ends up shoving Cloud down onto his bed. Completely unable to remember how they got into the apartment or even up the stupid spiral stairs. They’ve never been this desperate to get at each other. Hastily removing their clothing and tossing it aside. 

Cloud’s grasping at his arm, leaning back on the bed, and spreading his legs for Zack all in one quick motion.

“Let’s go, come on. Fuck me .” Cloud growls up at him.

“Lemme,” Zack slurs, reaching over for the lube he always has nearby.

“Now, Zack.”

No, they need lube. But the aggressive needy tone in Cloud’s voice is going straight to his cock. Thickening him even more and fuck - it’s been so long since he’s been inside Cloud. Their kisses turn hard and aggressive, nips just a tad too hard and Cloud’s grip in his hair is tight and demanding. 

Slicking up two fingers, Zack’s pressing inside Cloud quickly. Doesn’t wait for the usual twitch of muscle against his fingertips to let him know Cloud is ready. The heat feels amazing just around his knuckles and Cloud’s squeezing him and groaning deeply into his kisses. 

“That’s it,” Cloud mutters, eyes fluttering closed with a hard press against his prostate, “ fuck. I need you Zack, please.”

Mouthy and talkative. Zack’s having a hard time focusing. Cloud isn’t normally like this. Isn’t so intense and chatty. It’s…

It’s exciting. 

With a deep grunt, Zack pulls his fingers out and doesn’t even hesitate. Doesn’t think about it. Lost to the heat in him. Grabs Cloud’s hips and flips him over, roughly. Fast. Yanks his hips up and legs out to expose him. The smooth curve of his spine bends almost too much to keep still for long. That’s too bad though, Zack wants Cloud like this. Ass up and face smashed into the mattress. Fuck, just seeing his flushed cock twitching and dripping precome down onto the sheets is maddening.

He wants to prep him just a tad more but, Cloud’s arching his back and glancing back at Zack the best he can.

“I fuckin’ swear, Zack, if you don’t get inside me right-AH-hhha. Mmmmm-fuck.”

Zack lines up, gripping Cloud’s hips and shoves inside him roughly. The stretch around his cock is so, so tight. A little bit of resistance, but the slick is nice and wet and Zack groans. Bottoms out and falls half down onto Cloud. He catches himself with one hand. Wraps the other around Cloud’s front to grasp his cock. Strokes roughly, twisting his wrist in short, quick spurts that usually gets Cloud coming in seconds. 

He doesn’t come. But his whole body shakes and his hands pull in clumps of fabric from the sheets. 

“Hmmm m-move,” Cloud moans. Squeezes Zack’s cock hard inside him to draw Zack even deeper in. Somehow. 

Zack bites down into his own lip, nearly coming already. The heat from Cloud’s body is so good. So right. He can’t remember why they haven’t been sex all month. He wants this all the time. Feeling Cloud twitch around his cock. Tremble under his hands. 

“Za-”

He snaps his hips. Pulls out fast and slams back inside Cloud before his name can fall from his lips. It’s amazing, the slick giving way to Zack’s thick cock re-entering Cloud. Parting his body and wanting to hold him in deep. Zack loves that about Cloud. He always wants Zack to take him so deeply. 

His thrusts are strong. Sputtering a rough, grueling pace. It takes Cloud’s breath away from him. He’s gasping and shaking under Zack. Bowing his back even more and shutters every time Zack’s fully pounding inside him. 

“G-good, ah ah AH, good boy, Zack.” Cloud’s words are trapt in his lungs and carried in high gasps for air. 

It’s still killer to hear. Zack thought it was sexy before, with Cloud buried inside him and muttering praises in his ear. But this, with him under Zack. Taking his thick cock with the perfect amount of suction and heat. Moaning and thrashing back to get the roughest fuck Zack has given him and telling him that he’s good.

That Zack’s fucking him so good.

“Harder.”

Seems impossible, but his hips do it on his own. Fingers digging into Cloud’s hips to help guide his grinding. Pulling the thrusts Cloud is giving back to meet so perfectly with Zack’s devastating pace. 

“S’good. Zack, oh fuck. S’s-so good,” Cloud’s slurring. Shoulders shaking and going weak with his building orgasm. It’s the last words Cloud can get out coherently. Falls completely into bliss with a slow roll of his eyes shutting. Raspy, short moans growing in volume. 

He reaches around Cloud again to take him in his hand and push him over the edge, but his cock is already slick and covered in come. Cloud came already. Dripping so much come down Zack’s hand and pooling on the bed. It pushes Zack over the edge. He slams inside and rolls his hips in half circles, up and straining to get in deep. He comes hard all at once and it blows out his ears. Ringing loud and then cuts out and he falls down on top of Cloud. Crushing him to the bed. 

He’s so warm and soft under him, Zack could sleep on Cloud forev-oh no, wait. His ribs. 

“Cloud, shit, sorry. I shouldn’t have been so rough, fuck,” Zack forces himself up and turns Cloud around onto his back. Runs his hands carefully over his torso, “are you okay?”

A bark of laughter. That’s what he gets for his frantic worry. Cloud arches a bit to shift around and trap Zack between his thighs. Gazing up at him with dark eyes and a dopey smile. 

“Hey, stupid,” he calls him, “Do I look in pain to you?”

Zack huffs. Still rubs soft circles at the now faded bruising along his left side. Where Rouche kicked him. 

“Seriously, Cloud that wasn’t a good idea.” 

“Mmm, really? Fuck, I think it was,” Cloud’s moans echo in his tone, “I’m fine. Just a little tender. But my ribs don’t hurt.”

Zack frowns.

“Really, come down here will you.” It’s not a question. A demand. 

So, Zack goes. Slips down and rests his cheek on Cloud’s chest. Circles his arms around his back and listens intently as Cloud’s heart starts to slow back down to normal. 

It’s nice to finally fall into sleep with their normal relaxed composure. 

***

The doctor's visit is fast and Cloud is overly exasperated at Zack worrying his lip the whole time. Of course his ribs are better, after last night, Cloud wouldn’t have been able to get through that. He still flushes when the doctor mentions Cloud is fit for more...physical activities. At least it makes Cloud laugh. Stumbles into Zack’s side as they leave with small chuckles and flirty touches on Zack’s torso. 

“See, I’m fine,” Cloud says into the warm breeze. Clearly yes, the sting of embarrassment from overly worrying fading, “You can stop worrying now. Feel free to be all over me.”

“Yeah, yeah of cours- eck!” He’s not expecting Cloud to stop outside the medical building, grab his shirt so roughly to turn Zack around it half chokes him. The press of Cloud’s body, warm and comforting makes up for it. 

“Seriously, lemme make my shitty-ness up to you?” 

Zack smiles, eases Cloud’s sensual touches back into something allowed in public. He scratches at the nape of Coud’s neck. 

“It’s okay Cloud. I understand, I was never mad at you.”

Cloud frowns, “you should be.”

“Why? Because you struggle a bit sorting out stress and trauma? Cloud...it’s...I wish you wouldn’t close up, sure- but I understand.”

Cloud’s mood narrows; not souring, just...sadly wistful? 

“You really are too nice to me.”

Yeah, he’s said that before. Zack doesn’t think so. There’s no point in furthering arguments when someone’s mood isn’t in the right state to even have a conversation. Fighting that he doesn’t need. That Cloud doesn’t need. 

“You think so huh?” The small flash of sudden panic-like Zack will suddenly agree and stop trying to understand him- pulls his stomach with a sharp jolt. It’s fleeting and Cloud settles on his small, bashful smile that he saves for Zack. Loops his fingers into Zack’s pant loops and tugs him in for a kiss. 

It's adorable and reminiscent of the summertime in Nibelheim. His sure body rising on the pads of his feet to reach Zack’s lips. Leans into the long, light kiss and stares up at Zack afterward. 

“You can make it up to me after finals.”

“Shit…” Cloud mutters, smashing his face into Zack’s chest with a groan, “I- totally ignored you graduating.”

Zack laughs, gathers Cloud tightly, and squeezes him with a full rock on his heels. He didn’t really. Cloud’s been so preoccupied with taking care of Zack and then being mad at the situation, he doubts Cloud would have even remembered his own graduation. 

“Cloud- it’s okay,” Zack can’t stop his amusement, “Here, when you almost die, I’ll be so fuckin mad at you and we can have a screaming match. Better?”

Cloud clicks his tongue with a slightly guilty sound and lets all his weight fall against Zack. 

“ No -I hate fighting with you-I just...ugh. I just don’t know- can’t- I-” 

“-Woah,” Zack rights Cloud by his shoulders and takes his cheeks in his hands. Smooshes his face together to get him to stop falling all over his words, “You were focused on taking care of me. You think I didn’t notice you editing my final essays. Or that you put your pillow under my thigh every night those first two weeks?”

“Zack.”

“-When you cooked every night? And yelled at me when I forgot to change out my bandage?”

Cloud grabs at Zack’s wrist to get him to let go of his face, cheeks pinking with embarrassment from such strong attention.

“Okay, I get it,” Cloud’s voice comes out muffled and distorted. 

“-OR when you fucking let me cry against your neck when I kept having nightmares about Roche, huh? Don’t think I remembered that one did you?”

“ Zack. ”

“- Cloud, ” Zack rests their foreheads together and still refuses to let go of Cloud’s face, “I don’t need you to be nice to know you care about me. What matters is that you’re kind. Plus, you know how cute you are rolling your eyes at me but making sure I’m comfortable and you know, not pulling my stitches or failing my classes?” 

A long silly silence stretches between them where they just stare at each other with growing amusement. 

“Zack...can you let go of my face?”

“No.”

“But- no? Zack, please- ”

“-Nope-”

Cloud huffs and tries to wiggle away. They have a moment of weakly fighting each other and lots of stares from people leaving the doctor's office but it gets a finalized laugh from Cloud. Shakes the haunted lingering look. 

“Okay,” Zack says. Smacks a kiss against Cloud’s lips before letting go of his face, “let's go eat and I’ll help you study.”

“Yeah, fine.”

He does. All week. They spend it drowning in mechanical shit Zack will never understand. In math and science and by the time Cloud’s finishing up his last final, Zack doesn’t want to look at any textbook ever again. 

Makes up for that breeze of a finals week he had. 

***

Cloud stays a week past finals. Keeps muttering to Zack about waiting for Tifa to finish up some plans before they head back to Nibelheim. He’s fine with that, more time with Cloud. 

The weekend is hot, unusually hot for Midgar and Zack’s dragging Cloud out of the apartment and into his Jeep. He takes them up the long windy roads into the lush forest. There’s a spot that overlooks the city and faces the setting sun. Hidden just enough to be romantic…

Well.

As romantic as side-of-the-road gets. But Cloud likes nature and he always lights up when Zack suggests they go on a real hike. How he was in Nibelheim, relaxed and safe. So comfortable in his own skin he was almost a whole new person. 

Zack’s lucky enough to see Cloud become that on campus too. Or maybe, just with him. He flushes and grips the wheel tighter. He can’t go down that road. Getting too serious always stings him in the end. But...almost two whole years now and Cloud still smiles bashfully at small public touches. 

Softly in the morning under the covers.

Laughs.

He’s still gotta finish the drive before he can even look at Cloud with heated eyes. He will though. He’s taking him up here as a major fucking thank you.

He fixed up his Wrangler. Spent his free time elbow deep in the engine and even after that. Started poking around and giving the Jeep a complete overhaul. Raised it up that tier Zack was thinking about. Of course, it came with huffing at Zack for not ‘taking care’ of her. He was depressed okay, how could he look at his precious Wrangler for two years when he wasn’t allowed to drive her.

That’s all over now. He’s got his freedom back. Somehow cost him a new scar, but again whatever.

“What’s with the dumb grim?” Cloud mutters next to him in the passenger seat. 

Dumb huh? Zack grins wider, glances over after the curve in the road levels straight.

“What I can’t be happy?”

 “This is too happy,” Cloud mutters again. Slides down against the seat and eyes the flying by trees. 

“Mmm, well, I got my Jeep fixed and you by my side, Peaches,” Zack says extra mushy. Flashes his flirty smile at Cloud to see the blush. Hear his flustered grunts as he tilts his body away from Zack. 

Another ten minutes and the road turns out and up a bit into the trees. A long pullout gravel and dirt road. The trees curve out and mask most of the main road. Lets out onto a flat cliffside overlooking Midgar. The sky is mostly clear, getting pale in the lowering sun. 

Zack slows the car, idles for a second, and backs up to three-point turn so the trunk is facing the open cliffside. He shuts the Jeep off and half turns.

“Sit in the back? We can take the top off.”

Cloud smirks, “good thing you switched to the soft top then.”

The weather’s better for it. Still a bit chilly in the morning and late into the night, but Zack’s always been impatient. First sign of sun and he’s usually driving with bare roll bars.

Zack beams, jerks his head toward the back.  Another cute smirk right after. He chuckles. 

It only takes a few moments to un-snap the soft top and roll it back down the trunk and toss it into the front passenger seat. Zack chucks the keys up on the dash too. There’s no need with the whole car exposed. 

“No rain?” Cloud says, eyes the empty sky like it’ll change in seconds. 

Zack reaches for his hand, tugs him around the car. Unlatching the hatchback and hops up onto the open back (free from his back seats). He slides his legs open a bit, pats the space in between them, and wiggles his brows at Cloud.

Eye rolls. So many of them. He’ll never stop thinking how adorable Cloud is; trying to hide his amusement with him. 

“Smooth, Zack.”

He climbs up anyway. Eyes him once more with his little smirk before settling down into the V of Zack’s legs. Leans back and slides down so Zack can slip his arms down around his shoulders. He curls down over him and presses their cheeks together tightly.

“Good, you’ll keep me warm this way.”

He feels that eye roll, “Zack. Should've kept the top on if you’re worried about that.”

“But then, I’d have no excuse,” He says in hushed tones. Close in Cloud’s ear.

There’s a growing silence with jitters of nerves hanging in it. Then-

“You don't need an excuse,” Cloud’s admittance is soft. It still stabs harshly at Zack’s heart. Throbs so well with it. 

Cloud half turns, half-lidded eyes, and licks at his lips. Seems to be staring at Zack’s own. He reaches out to trace them. Softy lingers in the dip of the middle of his bottom lip and pulls at the skin. Zack’s used to touch, but the way Cloud zeros in on him. Eyes dilating with want and so focused. It’s different from all the others. Makes Zack feel warm and full. At a home he never knew he was looking for. 

The longing too, that comes with Cloud’s deep blue eyes. Zack sees the clicking of the broken pieces when he looks at him. The seriousness in his face and in his tone throws Zack for a loop. 

“Uh. Okay. Yeah.”

“I’m serious,” Cloud presses against his torso and his chest. Stretches his neck up to press his lips against Zack’s, “even when you’re so fuckin’ annoying, I...I always want your touch.” 

“Damn, Cloud. What’s it about nature that gets your romantic juices flowin’?”

Cloud raises an eyebrow at him, “romantic juices?”

“Yeah.”

Eye roll. 

“I love when you're sweet on me.”

“ Sweet on you, Zack, what the hell is wron-”

“-I love you.” Zack rushes out. He’s still nervous to tell him. Worried Cloud will change his mind, or that his first admittance all those months ago in strong afterglow never happened. The Roche incident has shaken a bit of his confidence in them. Or himself, he’s really not sure. Still working on shaking off the weird -what the fuck- feeling from being stabbed a second time and the oddly busy healing time that is still riding right on his heels. 

Cloud hums. Stretches up again for another kiss, hand coming this time to pull Zack down over him some more. 

“I love you too.”

“Cool-let’s nut on each other.”

“I-Did- Zack,” Cloud deadpans. Pulls back to glare at him, “No.”

Zack grins, slides his hands down to Cloud’s sides, already tensing his fingers into tickling position.

“Bro, what, come on. You’re fucking adorable, I wanna nu-”

“ Bro,” Cloud cuts him off, “if you say that one more tim-no, Zack -”

It’s too late anyway. Zack’s gentle about it, Cloud doesn’t like too much teasing. But he skims his hands along his side, digging his fingers into his skin until that glare melts away and forced, breathless laughter leaves his lungs. Long enough that Cloud is about to smack him before he gets the hint to stop. 

“I take it all back,” Cloud heaves, “I hate you.”

Zack laughs loudly. Throwing his head back and smacking it on seats. Winces through the last of his chuckles. Cloud’s moving away, but Zack lifts his thighs. Traps him and yanks him back toward him. Hauling him up onto his stomach to straddle. He almost smacks him into the middle roll bar above their heads, he tugs him so hard. 

“Whoops sorry-”

“-don’t. Do not call me bro again.”

Laughing with added interest in Cloud’s closer body, Zack slides his hands up the small of Cloud’s back. Dipping under his shirt to trace at his spine all the way up to his shoulders.

“Nah sweetheart, I'll call you whatev-’

“-oh my god, I swear. How about just my name. What is actually with you? You’re being weird.”

Maybe he is. Or maybe he’s just got too much excitement built up in him and he can’t stop it from exploding out. He may need to move some. Get rid of his extra happy energy boost he’s got pulsing in his veins. 

“You think I-”

He never gets to finish. Cloud’s had enough of him and cuts him off in the best way. A harsh kiss and hands in his hair. 

That barely-there hum noise that gets Zack hard in seconds. Yeah-there, just like that. Low in his throat and it’s all Zack needs to tilt his chin and dig his fingers harder into Cloud’s skin. Pulling his legs up traps Cloud closer to him. Good leverage for him to rock back against and get friction going between them. 

It’s not a lot of rutting, not when Zack’s pushing all his energy into his roaring need for Cloud. Instead they get lost in passionate kissing. Wet and hot. Fast but easy on the pressure and deliciously slow pull-aways that send shocks of pleasure through Zack’s body. 

It’s one of those times Zack zones out and gets lost in Cloud’s touch. In the way he tastes and feels so solid in his hands that he doesn’t know how he ends up with his shirt shoved up, pants down, and pushing inside Cloud. 

Just knows that he is. Shoving his throbbing cock up as Cloud sinks down onto him. Moaning loudly and pressing on Zack’s stomach as he rolls his hips to get the slide of Zack’s cock harder. For some reason it’s the light falling around Cloud that swells the happiness inside Zack. 

He looks so beautiful, rocking his toned body, eyes fluttering closed and lips parting. The orange sunset light cascading all around Cloud. Halo’s out and frames every inch of his pale skin. Glowy on all his edges. Bringing a brightness to his blue eyes as intense as the sun itself. 

He takes Zack’s breath away. All he can do is reach out and map his fingertips along the contours of Cloud’s torso. Across his chest and his hips. He touches the luminescence line on Cloud’s sides. Slimming the line of his waist even more. His movements twitching the muscles under all his skin. Frames his hard, flushed cock bouncing against the deep V forming at his hip bones as Cloud rocks desperate on Zack’s cock. 

Zack’s not going to touch him. The burning need to see Cloud come from the brushing of his cock inside him is too strong. He fucking loves when Cloud comes untouched. Knows Cloud loves it too. His voice gets high and needy. Long-drawn out tones with trembling limbs. 

Beautiful. 

Memorized by the tiny lip bite pulling into an eye-rolling pleasurable moan. Every time Cloud does it, his hips gyrate faster. So many times now he’s thrown off balance as Zack thrusts up into him harder. Needing to fill Cloud and bask in the tight cavern of his body. 

“F-fuck,” Cloud moans. Reaching up to grab at the rollbar overhead. Rocks his whole body in long motions as Zack’s thrusting gets harder.

Rougher.

He shouldn't be able to, this low, sunk down, looking up into Cloud’s face. But Cloud is lifting his body weight just enough with his grip on the Jeep’s roll bars. Zack can grab at his hips and slam upwards with strong thrusts. Every press of his thumbs into Cloud’s hip bones makes him squirm and tighten. 

Zack does that over and over as the sun sets behind Cloud. Frames him less and less until he’s mostly cool shadows and glinting eyes. 

A last hard thrust as Cloud rocks back and down, hips stuttering with tight tension and quick exhaustion. Zack watches him come first. The arch in his back thrusting his body forward and the little twitch his cock does before he’s dripping all over himself. Onto Zack’s stomach in little pools.  

The heat from Cloud’s come on him pushes Zack into his orgasm. His tight body sucking him in deeper as Cloud sinks down in his aftershocks. It’s one of the slow ones. That takes a little bit to start and roars into a bright pulse of pleasure. 

It makes him giddy and he laughs under his breath. Knows it falls broken into his moans. He holds Cloud on him until he softens too much to physically stay inside him. Slips out with a sigh and presses little thumb circles on the muscles twitching in Cloud’s lower stomach.  

He’s acutely aware of the twinge in his neck the moment his high comes down. The cold that crept in with the sun finally disappearing. Cloud rears forward, reaching over the seats to grab Zack’s ever-present navy hoodie. Pulls it over his head and uses his thrown shirt to wipe them up lazily. 

He tucks them both back in and smashes down against Zack. Curling to keep their legs from dangling off the end of the trunk.

“You know,” Cloud mutters into his neck, “this car is a little small.”

“Hey,” Zack laughs off the weird defensive bite in his throat, “she broke Roche’s arm in two places for us.”

A tiny tickling trace of a chuckle and Cloud curls in even more. Arms circling tightly around Zack’s waist. 

“Let’s...not talk about that guy.”

“Fair, sorry. It’s just...always there. Don’t worry short-stuff, I’m not easy stuck on it anymore, but-mmph.”

Cloud cuts him off with an annoyed, raspy grunt. Pressing his lips immediately in a distraction. Zack doesn’t need it, but he’ll never say no to kissing Cloud. They linger so close together Zack can’t see what Cloud’s mood is. Zack himself is all over the place, with his over-the-top happiness blanketing everything. Lots of little dips and highs.

Yeah.

It’s been a very weird school year. With it’s end right upon them Zack longs for endless farm fields and ever-present mountains in the landscape. 

“Zack,” Cloud whispers. He sounds loud in the early night, in the exposed Wrangler with the trees surrounding them, “for...for the summer. You’ll come stay again?”

The blush, the shy uncertainty, the stutter-it clashes with the confidence shining in his eyes and his tight embrace around Zack’s middle. Of course he will. Promises of waking up to Cloud with that strong quiet ease in his body? Of still foggy mornings to watch the sunrise and late clear nights to watch meteor showers? All of it pressed against Cloud and far far from real responsibility. 

Of course. 

“Yeah duh, try and stop me.”

“Oh my god, that’s why I asked you stupid,” Cloud mutters, shoving his face into Zack’s neck, “I don’t want to stop you.”

The irritation is so exaggerated and exhausted with him it draws another soft laugh from Zack. 

Maybe Angeal is right. Maybe he is lucky and he’s just been stuck on how to get it instead. Odds are anyway, it’s all just a weird mindset he can’t shake yet. Seems easier to climb out of it with Cloud pressed along his body and smiling shyly at him. 

“Are you gonna keep calling me stupid?” Zack laughs, “cause I’ll get a complex.”

“Just,” Cloud’s muttering under his breath, “shut up.” 

Everything does.