Archive of Our Own ^beta

Morro struggled with pronouns for a long time. Living with Wu, there was only "girl" and "boy" and Morro rejected "girl" because that was what had been forced upon Morro. "Boy" felt a little better, but was still wrong.

"Nonbinary," though, not male or female but something else – that felt right. Morro left Wu and didn't meet a lot of other people, so Morro wrote in the dirt with a stick instead, trying out different pronouns. "They" and "them," "ze" and "hir," other sets that all felt different.

"X" felt perfect. Morro decided to use it.

"Are you alright, Morro?"

Morro grumbled and pushed around the food on x's plate. Ghosts didn't need to eat, x thought. X didn't need to be here.

"I've barely seen you out of your room," Wu tried again. "I worry about you."

"Don't need to," Morro mumbled. "I'm fine."

The other ninja sat on the far end of the table, mostly talking among themselves. Morro didn't miss the glances, though, and x sent a glare back at them.

"You know you can talk to me," Wu said. "I know we can never have the same relationship we had when you were… alive, but you're still here. We can still have something."

"I'm only here because I got stuck after the Day of the Departed," Morro said. "If that hadn't happened, you would've forgotten me."

"I would never forget you, Morro."

X ignored him and put a forkful of food in x's mouth. It didn't taste like anything. X could barely tell what was cooked.

"I don't think he's having a good day," Jay commented, and the reminder that Wu and the ninja only saw x as a boy made x cringe. X glared again, and Wu caught it.

"Morro, please be nice. We're all worried about you."

"Speak for yourself," Kai muttered. "There's a reason Lloyd takes his food to his room."

"Shut up, Kai," Cole snapped.

"I'm leaving," Morro said abruptly, and x shoved the plate away and stood up.

"Morro!"

X was already walking out the door as Wu called after x. X heard another chair being pushed back, but x didn't care – x phased through the door of x's perpetually-locked room and fell face-down on the bed. Another thing x didn't need, x thought. Ghosts didn't need to sleep, either.

As predicted, there was a knock on x's door. "Go away, Sensei," x snapped.

It wasn't Wu. "Hey, Morro?" Cole said. "Can we talk?"

Morro groaned and didn't respond.

"C'mon, I know this isn't easy for you. Can you let me in?"

Reluctantly, Morro stood up and unlocked the door. Cole opened it and smiled at Morro. X doesn't return the gesture. "What do you want?" x said.

"Damn," Cole said, looking around. "Your place is a mess."

Morro's room was covered in trash and broken furniture, with the bedframe the only thing left mostly intact. There were deep gouges in the walls where x took a knife and carved and carved until the anger left. Morro grit x's teeth. "If you're just going to make fun of me, you can go."

"Whoa, buddy, I'm not gonna make fun of you, I'm just saying." Cole sat down on the bed. "What's up?"

Morro blinked. "You're the one who wanted to talk to me," x said.

"Yeah, and we're talking. Something's bothering you, right? Tell me what it is."

Morro shook x's head. "If you're going to ask me questions, then just go."

Cole sighed. "Okay, fine. You know about Pixal, right?"

"The nindroid who lives in the computer? Yes."

"Well, she's connected to all the computers here… and she logged some of your searches the other day."

Morro froze. "What searches?" x said cautiously.

"You know." Cole lowered his voice. "The ones about trans stuff. Dealing with an unsupportive family. That sort of thing."

Morro wouldn't ever call the ninja a family, but it was the closest analogy x could think of when searching the internet. How was x supposed to deal with everyone thinking x was a boy? It wasn't like x could ever come out to them.

X thought Pixal was distracted with the others when x made those searches, but it looked like x was wrong.

"I had this idea you could tell me yourself, but honestly, I probably was just being stupid. You barely talk to us about anything, much less…" Cole gestured at his chest. "…that."

Morro reflexively crosses x's arms over x's own chest. "So what?" x said. "I don't need to talk about it! Zane's stupid girlfriend shouldn't have told you in the first place!"

Cole didn't flinch. "You know I'm trans too, right?"

It took a few moments before Morro realized he's not joking. Still, it didn't mean anything. "You're not like me," x said, but some of the anger is gone now. "You wouldn't understand."

"I'll understand more than a cis person does," Cole said. "You're nonbinary, right?"

It hurt that Cole knew without x telling him. Morro wanted to hide, but x let Cole into x's room. There was nowhere to go.

So x turned invisible and ran out the door.

"Hey, wait!" Cole shouted. Morro ignored him. X needed to get away – x jumped off the Bounty and let the wind carry x to the ground.

Deep down, Morro knew it was a mistake to run away from the Bounty. X couldn't go into the city, where everyone knew who x was, but x couldn't stay outside when x saw the clouds coming. Morro went to the Caves of Despair and sat underneath a rocky outcropping, watching the rain start as a drizzle and increase to a downpour.

Maybe they'll let x go. Maybe they'll think the rain sent x back to the Departed Realm.

Somehow, Morro didn't think that was likely.

X wasn't sure how long x spent there. Long enough for the rain to stop long after it was dark, and for the sun to rise again the next morning.

Morro spent the time thinking about Wu.

In retrospect, it seemed obvious that x wasn't a girl, but Wu hadn't figured it out for over a year, and neither had Morro. Until the day x had a screaming breakdown over one of the other students asking x to play with "the rest of the girls," Morro had barely considered x could be anything else.

It took longer for Wu to find out.

"Why do you want your hair cut?" he asked x, years and decades ago. "It looks so pretty long."

Morro scowled. "I don't want to look like a girl," x said.

Wu blinked and didn't say anything for a moment. "It's not a bad thing to be a girl," he said. "Did one of the boys make fun of you?"

Morro shook x's head. "No!"

"Are you sure you want it short?"

"Yes!"

Wu sighed. "I suppose there's nothing wrong with being a tomboy, either," he said.

Morro beamed. "Yeah!" x said, "I'm a boy!" because that was the first time x had been given any other options.

"What? You're a girl, Morro. Are you sure no one made fun of you?"

X fumed. "I'm a boy!"

Wu shook his head. "There's nothing stopping you from playing with the other boys, but you're still a girl. I'm not sure I should cut your hair if this is what you think."

Morro tried to take the scissors and cut x's hair himself, which only resulted in Wu sending x to x's room. X didn't get a haircut that day. X got it later, when x took a knife and nearly sliced x's cheek open chopping off x's hair. Wu gave x a stern lecture and grounded x, but x's hair was short.

Eventually, Wu started to realize that no, this wasn't because Morro thought it was bad to be a girl, and his demeanor changed. He gave x new clothes and let x cut x's hair as short as x wanted. Oddly enough, given the freedom, Morro liked it a little long. Wu switched x's pronouns to "he" and "him," and Morro was satisfied with this, even if something ate at x that x didn't have words for yet.

And then x left, Morro thought to xself, and then x died. X went on to curse the world so that everyone could suffer like x did.

The sun shone on the damp grass and dried what was left of the rain.

And then x failed.

What if x could go back?

Morro chose a desert town. They would have limited access to water, and what they did have they wouldn't want to waste. X summoned a cyclone and sent it into the center of the town, the force of the wind crashing into houses like a truck and carrying debris with it. People screamed. X forced x's tornado forward.

No demands, no words, just the wind and the destruction. Morro raised the cyclone up and felt it thrash in x's grip, barely contained by what control x had over x's elemental power. X growled and slammed it down on a house, letting the wind carry x up, buffeting x's hair. The house shuddered, but stayed intact. Morro grit x's teeth and slammed it again.

The spray of water nearly hit x. Morro jerked back and lost x's hold on the cyclone, the wind dissipating to nothing. It only took a moment for x to call on it again. "Who's there?!" x demanded. "Do you think you can stop me?!"

"Uh, yeah?" That was the Water Ninja's voice. "I already did it once before!"

Morro whipped x's head around, looking for the ninja. He saw Jay jumping up towards x a moment too late to react; the Blue Ninja grabbed x and dragged x down to the ground, slamming x into the dirt. Morro's vision spun, and x rolled away in a panic and scrambled to x's feet.

"Seriously," Jay said, picking himself up and sparking lightning in his hands. "What are you even doing! Sensei takes you in after everything you've done, and you just run away and terrorize a random village? What do you – ack!"

Morro interrupted Jay with a contained burst of wind sent right into his gut. "Go away!" x shouted. "Leave me alone!"

"Dude!" Kai caught Jay as he staggered to the side. "What the hell is your problem?! Do you want us to get rid of you?"

"I want to be alone!"

"Morro." Zane's voice; Morro spun around to see him and Cole approach from behind x. "You need to come back with us before something happens to you."

Morro's face twisted in rage. "No!"

"Look, I –" Cole threw his hands up. "I'm sorry, okay? I wouldn't have talked to you like that if I had known how badly it would upset you. But you can't take it out on innocent people! Just come back to the temple, and –"

Morro raised x's hands and summoned a cyclone with xself at the center. The wind roared around x, knocking Jay and Kai to the ground and forcing Zane to take a step back. Cole dug his feet into the ground and managed to stay upright.

"You don't know what it's like!" Morro shouted. "I'm not like any of you! I'm just some stupid brat who died in a hole! You don't know what it's like to be alone, to – to –" Ghosts didn't cry. There were no tears welling in x's eyes. Morro hiccuped and kept going. "– even alive, with Sensei, you don't know what it's like to have no one, to not even know who you are! At least in the Cursed Realm I had a purpose!"

"Do you, like, want a job or something?" Jay's voice was nearly lost in the noise. "I can give you my chores!"

Cole took a step forward, pushing against the wind. "You can't possibly miss that place," he said, raising his voice to be heard.

"No!" Morro screamed. "I just want to matter again!"

X needed to run. Morro crouched down, looking up at the sky. All x had to do was keep running, forever and ever, and maybe x would find someone else like the Preeminent. Someone who needed x, even if she was only pretending.

When the pair of arms wrapped around x, Morro screamed and tried to shove them back. Cole was too strong – he kept a tight grip around Morro, even as x struggled, trying to turn intangible but unable to. Cole didn't let go. Eventually, Morro broke down in tearless sobs and leaned into the hug.

"I don't want to be here," x choked out. "I don't – I don't want to be here."

"I know," Cole said. "Let's go back."

Wu was waiting for them on the Bounty. Morro didn't look at him. Cole led x away from him and to the bunks, where he sat Morro down on one of the beds and stared at x.

"What's this about?" he said.

"I told you," Morro mumbled, crossing x's arms over x's chest. "I want to matter to – to someone. To anyone. I want to have a purpose and know who I am."

"Do you not know who you are?"

"I do," Morro snapped. "But… I just feel empty inside. Like – like I'm no one. I don't fit in with any girls, and I don't want to, anyway, but I don't fit in with boys, either, and I don't know anyone else who's like me."

Cole nodded. "I get it. Back when I was a kid, I didn't know anyone else who was trans. My dad… didn't really get it, either. I met some people on the internet, but we were all bitter 'cause we didn't have the resources we needed, y'know? Wasn't our faults, but it wasn't a good environment."

"What?" Morro said.

"Look," Cole said, "all I'm saying is I know what it's like to be an angry trans kid who gets misgendered constantly and doesn't have any friends in real life. I get it, I've seen it happen to other people, and you've got a bucketload of trauma on top of it. I want you to have an outlet, but you can't take it out on other people, alright?"

Morro grumbled and turned away.

"I promise, I won't out you before you're ready, and neither will Pixal. We'll keep it between us." Cole took a deep breath. "If you do come out, though, no one's gonna treat you badly because of it. I mean, Kai and Jay still don't like you, but they're not gonna misgender you if they know what pronouns to use."

"It's stupid," Morro mumbled. "I should've just been a girl in the first place."

"You know that's not true."

X didn't respond.

"What pronouns do you use, anyway? Singular they?"

"It's stupid," X repeated. "I just made them up. It's not like they're real."

Cole shook his head. "We're big on the self-loathing today, aren't we? Someone had to make up every 'real' pronoun we use. You don't gotta tell me – like I said, I'm not gonna out you, so I'll keep using he and him around the others until you're ready to come out, but maybe you'll feel better if someone else knows, y'know?"

Morro turned to face him. "Why are you doing this?" x asked, and while x wanted to be angry, x's voice wavered in the middle of it. X screws up x's face and looks away again.

"I guess you remind me of how I used to be. Angry, sad, hating myself, and taking it out on everyone around me."

Morro said nothing.

Cole sighed. "Just don't run off again," he said. "Once we get back to base, I'll make sure everyone leaves you alone, Sensei Wu included."

"Okay," Morro said.

"And seriously, don't run off."

"Fine."

X heard Cole stand up. "Talk to you later, Morro," he said, and he left.

Morro spent the following days in x's room with x's computer, not coming out to eat. After a brief word with Pixal, who assured x she would tell no one else about x's browsing history, x joined an online community of other trans people and started talking to them. X was anonymous, of course – the only way x felt safe.

Wu knocked on x's door a few times, but Morro ignored him. Cole did too, once or twice, and Morro responded enough to let him know x was alright. Other than that, x was left alone, which x appreciated.

One day, x left x's room.

Cole was in the kitchen with Zane. Morro would've preferred if he had been alone, but what could x do? Their conversation stopped when x entered the room, and Morro shrank back under Zane's blue gaze.

Cole put a hand over Zane's. "Hey," he said. "What's up?"

Morro gave Zane a wide berth and shuffled around the table to hand Cole a piece of paper. "Huh," Cole said. "What's this?"

"You asked, earlier," Morro mumbled, taking a step back.

"How earlier?" Cole said, cracking a smile. "Being a ghost messes with your sense of time, especially when you don't sleep."

"And lock yourself in your room for a week, I imagine," Zane said.

Morro grumbled under x's breath and watched Cole with narrowed eyes as he unfolded it. "Oh," Cole said in surprise once he read it. "Is this, uh, okay to say in front of Zane?"

"I'll tell him," Morro said. X didn't say anything else immediately, just faced Zane while the nindroid watched x with one eyebrow raised. Finally, x took a breath x didn't need and managed to speak.

"I'm… nonbinary," x mumbled. "I don't want people to call me a boy anymore. I wrote down my pronouns on that paper."

Zane blinked. He seemed genuinely surprised, which at least meant Cole told the truth when he said he wouldn't tell anyone else. "Alright," he said. "Are you going to tell the others?"

Morro rolled x's eyes. "I guess I have to."

"Not necessarily. I'd understand if you didn't want to."

"I'm going to," Morro said. "Just… not right away."

"Cool," said Cole. "I can help you, if you want. Provide moral support. You think you'll need it?"

"No," Morro said immediately. Then x added, "But you can, if you want."

X expected Cole to laugh at x, and prepared xself to get angry, but Cole just nodded. "Alright," he said. "Let me know when you're ready."

Morro's cheeks flushed. "Yeah," x said, and turned and walked out. At least x opened the door instead of phasing right through it.

It wasn't that hard, telling the rest of the ninja. Morro approached Kai, Jay, and Nya one by one and told them x was nonbinary. X let Cole and Zane fill them in on x's pronouns, and let someone else tell Lloyd. The hardest part was telling Sensei Wu – Morro stumbled over x's words, couldn't look him in the eyes, and if it weren't for Cole being there to back x up, x would've given up mid-sentence.

By the end of the day, x was drained. Ghosts didn't sleep, but Morro threw xself onto x's bed anyway, burying x's face in the pillow. Cole sat down next to x. "Feeling alright?" he asked.

"Yes," Morro said. "I don't need you babying me."

"I mean, aren't you sixteen? That's practically a baby to me."

Morro fumed. "I'm older than you," x snapped. "I was born fifty – sixty years ago, remember?"

"Seriously, are you alright?"

Morro sat up. "I'm fine," x said. "I feel… better, now. I think."

Cole grinned. "Good! Maybe now you can socialize with the rest of us, huh?"

Morro was about to say no, but something made x pause. Maybe now x could. Despite everything x had done… you didn't usually come out to people you didn't want to see again, right? Not that the idea of coming out, running away, and never seeing them again wasn't appealing, but… Cole liked having x around, if he was to be believed.

"Maybe," x decided on.

"Guess that's the best I'm gonna get out of you, huh?" Cole laughed and stood up. "I'm gonna head to dinner. We're all eating together 'cause Zane's cooking tonight. You want to come with?"

Morro nodded. "Okay," x said, and x stood up and followed Cole out the door.