Chapter Text
As the airship began descending towards Ember Island, Katara’s face was glued to the window, her hands pressed against the glass. Iroh was enjoying his last cup of “airship tea” before they landed. The island stretched out before them. From this altitude, the enticing deep jade sea sparkled like emeralds as the sun’s rays danced across the surface. It looked so inviting and she couldn’t wait to jump in later. The island itself was dotted with ivory stretches of sand, and she could just about make out the people milling around far below on the beaches and in the towns. Houses and small settlements clung to the lush, forested hills that made up the greater part of Ember Island, and Katara breathed a sigh of contentment. They were finally here, the day had finally arrived! She could imagine the looks on the others’ faces when she climbed out of the airship, and she longed to hug her stupid older brother more than anything.
Since there wasn’t a large enough area to land at the house itself, they would be making use of the private dock at the bottom of the cliff, which itself was large enough to accommodate the airship. She could see a small crowd gathered on the pier. It was them. She turned back to Iroh who was looking pretty content himself. “Iroh, I can never thank you enough for bringing me here!” Katara gushed. Iroh beamed at her and raised his teacup in salute.
“It was Zuko’s idea,” he reminded her, taking his last sip.
The landing seemed to take forever, and Katara supposed it was much trickier manoeuvring a large hulk of steel and glass than it was guiding Appa. She was impatient to see everyone. It was also a much bumpier landing than she had ever experienced on the sky bison, but she was too excited to care. The two stood at the door together. Katara could her hear heart thumping in her ears. This was it. She was so close.
She hoped they would understand…
Iroh squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. “Ready?” he smiled down at her.
“Ready,” she replied with determination.
The light was blinding when the doors first opened. Iroh stepped out first, and Katara heard Zuko shout: “Uncle!” as he pulled the older man in for a hug. Everyone else in the welcome party crowded around the pair, and more greetings and hugs were exchanged. Katara caught Zuko’s eye as she stepped down the ramp and he smiled at her. He noticed that her hair was still done up in Fire Nation style, her long tresses loose save for a small knot at the back of her head. She hadn’t really changed it since their time travelling in the Fire Nation. It suited her.
Katara spotted her brother instantly, who was completely oblivious to the fact that his sister was standing right there. “Sokka!” she cried out, running towards him and he yelped in surprise as she embraced him.
“Katara?! What are you doing here?” Sokka practically squealed, holding her tight. Suddenly all of the attention turned to her as Suki and Toph joined in for a group hug.
“You never said you were coming!”
“You kept that quiet, Sugar Queen!”
When Katara managed to disentangle herself, she approached Zuko and pulled him in for a hug as well. “Thanks for doing this, Zuko! It’s good to see you.”
“You too,” he replied, unable to quash a small smile. Behind them, Sokka was scanning the pier, twisting his neck dramatically from side to side.
“Hey, where’s Aang?” he exclaimed. Katara’s eyes widened and she felt a rush of nervous butterflies gathering in her stomach. Zuko felt her stiffen and let her go, curious. She stuttered, desperately trying to think of an excuse, when Iroh jumped in.
“Unfortunately, the Avatar couldn’t make it,” he told the group. “So I told Katara she could travel with me.” Sokka frowned and turned to Katara, eyeing her up suspiciously. She gulped nervously, trying to meet his hard stare. Then Sokka shrugged.
“Ah well, that’s too bad,” he said. Toph, unremarked by everyone, was still frowning. Iroh was lying about something, she could feel it.
“Hey, wait a minute…” Sokka rounded on a startled Zuko, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Did you know she would be here?” Zuko rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
“Uh…maybe?”
“Why didn’t you say something?” Suki, Sokka and Toph had arrived in the Fire Nation yesterday and they had all travelled together with Zuko by boat from the Fire Nation capital. He had toyed with telling them Katara would be meeting them on the island. Truthfully, he had wanted it to be a surprise, especially for Sokka, but suddenly he felt very silly admitting that.
“I think it’s what we on Kyoshi Island call a surprise, Sokka,” Suki quipped helpfully, kissing him on the cheek. Sokka wilted as Suki threw Zuko a meaningful look. He nodded gratefully at her.
Katara finally turned to greet Ursa and Noren, exchanging pleasantries. They didn’t really know each other well enough to hug yet, but Ursa clasped Katara’s hands in hers with a warm smile. Below them, there was the small sound of someone clearing their throat.
“Kiyi!” Katara stooped down to hug the little girl, who returned it eagerly. “Don’t worry,” Katara whispered to Kiyi conspiratorially. “I saved my favourite for last.”
“I should hope so!” Kiyi retorted, grabbing Katara’s hand. The little girl stretched her other palm out towards Iroh and then positively marched them back up the path to the house, chattering excitedly the whole way.
The Fire Lord’s summer residence looked very different compared to the last time any of them had been there. From the outside, it was clear that some basic repair work had taken place, and inside the palatial home was practically gleaming. Everything had been polished and cleaned, new furniture adorned the rooms, and the whole place was bright and airy. On the lounge wall, a new family portrait hung depicting Iroh, Zuko, Ursa, Noren and Kiyi. Unlike the solemn old family portrait, they were smiling. The whole atmosphere was a far cry from the dust, dark and musk that decorated the house just before Sozin’s Comet. Zuko had obviously put a lot of work into rejuvenating it. Or at least, he had arranged for a lot of work to be put into rejuvenating it.
Once Katara and Iroh had been given a tour and shown to their respective rooms, it was almost time for dinner. The sun hung low in the sky, casting a warm orange glow over the whole island. Katara didn’t realise how late it had gotten. Frolicking in the sea would have to wait until tomorrow.
Katara, for once, wasn’t expected to cook as Zuko had hired a local chef to take care of their meals during their stay. They took their dinner outside on the veranda where a large dining table had been set up. They enjoyed typical Fire Nation fare, talking and laughing. The spices were a bit much for Katara and Toph, but Sokka seemed to regard it as a personal challenge to be able to eat anything Zuko ate. He practically had steam coming out of his ears after accidentally ingesting a particularly hot chilli, which caused everyone to laugh again. Zuko pointed out that you weren’t actually supposed to eat those chillies, and even he wouldn’t eat them. Sokka took this as a victory and promptly declared himself the Mouth-Fire Lord, to much groaning from everyone, but Zuko and Suki in particular. His smugness was quickly broken up by gasping and panting from the inferno on his tongue, which took away his triumph somewhat.
As night fell, they all retired into the lounge. When Iroh brought the liquor out for a toast, Ursa and Noren quickly decided that it was Kiyi’s bedtime, despite the girl’s ardent protests. They headed to bed not long afterwards themselves, having had a tiring day of travelling from Hira’a.
As well as the brandy Iroh had brought, the drinks cabinet in the house was decently stocked with rice wine, firewine, firewhiskey and various others. Sokka and Suki were reclining on one of the sofas, giggling to themselves about something or other, while the others crowded around the small table enjoying an animated game of cards which Katara had picked up in Ba Sing Se. Zuko had been reluctant to play but was badgered into it by Iroh. Katara and Iroh hadn’t had many chances to play games meant for more than two players, and Zuko had to admit it was an improvement on the endless Pai Sho games that usually plagued him when his uncle was around. Toph ‘watched’ them play with quiet amusement, pondering over what Iroh had lied about earlier. It had to be to do with Aang ‘not being able to make it’. It was strange that Aang was busy and yet Katara had been able to find the time and leave him to it, which was most unlike her. Something bad must have happened between them and Iroh, for whatever reason, had felt the need to protect Katara from having to spill the truth. Iroh must be in the know or he wouldn’t have lied. As much as Toph enjoyed putting people on the spot and making them nervous, she decided to save her interrogation until later, in private.
As it turned out, Toph didn’t have to wait that long. After Katara, Iroh and Zuko had finished playing their game, Sokka piped up: “So where is Aang anyway? How come he couldn’t make it?” Toph listened intently, and she could feel Katara’s pulse quicken.
“Uh…” Katara stammered, acutely aware that all eyes were on her. She could almost feel Toph’s piercing gaze boring into her, just daring her to lie. Katara unconsciously looked to Iroh, who nodded encouragingly at her. Katara took a deep breath. She had to come clean eventually. She supposed that this was it. “To tell you the truth, I don’t know,” she said finally, looking at the floor to avoid their stares. “Aang and I…we’ve gone our separate ways. We broke up.” Someone audibly gasped, but Katara couldn’t tell who. She wished at this moment that she could just sink into the floor and escape.
The stunned silence that fell over the room at Katara’s announcement was broken when Sokka loudly burst out: “What?!” with his mouth agape. Suki quickly shushed him and prodded him in the ribs, turning to Katara with a concerned expression on her face.
“What happened?” Suki asked gently.
“We…had a fight,” Katara shrugged, not wanting to elaborate. By now, Sokka had recovered himself.
“When did this happen?” he asked. Oh…Katara hadn’t thought of that. She had been so worried about telling Sokka what had happened, the when – and why she had stayed quiet about it for so long – hadn’t even crossed her mind.
She looked up at him guiltily, and replied with a small tremor in her voice: “Three months ago.”
“Three months?!” Now it was Toph’s turn to express her shock. “Wow…you really did keep that quiet, Sugar Queen.”
“Oh, Katara, I’m so sorry!” Suki gasped. She disentangled herself from Sokka and threw her arms around Katara. “Are you okay?” Katara nodded into Suki’s shoulder. She was okay…now.
“But what happened?” Sokka asked. Suki pulled away and threw a warning look at Sokka, but he didn’t notice.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” Katara said pleadingly.
“But why didn’t you say anything? Where have you been all this time?” Sokka pressed.
“Well…we were in Ba Sing Se when it happened. I was going to come home but I ran into Iroh, and…he said I could stay with him. So I did.” Zuko glanced questioningly at Iroh, but his uncle just put up a hand and shook his head. They would need to talk about it later. Toph and Sokka joined the two women on the floor and they all embraced Katara. Zuko watched them, feeling awkward.
“Get over here, Grumble Lord!” Toph chided. Assuming she meant him, Zuko did as he was told, bemused by his nickname. That was a new one. He hoped that, like the various others he had been christened with, this one didn’t stick.
Iroh took this as his cue to leave. “I’ll give you kid some time to talk,” he announced cheerily. “I fancied a night-time stroll anyway.” The group wished him good night as he left the room. They pulled out of the group hug, and Katara felt all eyes on her again. Toph could tell how nervous she was, and decided to rescue her.
“Give the woman some space,” she said, and they drew away, gathering around the table. Sokka, however, was not prepared to let it drop so easily. Toph would have been proud of his interrogation skills if she couldn’t feel the waterbender next to her squirming. Making people squirm was her thing, and right now Toph just felt sorry for her.
“Why didn’t you come home, Katara?”
“Come on, Sokka, you know what it’s like there now. It’s not home anymore.” Sokka looked crestfallen as she said this, which only made Katara feel worse. She hadn’t meant to let that slip. Sokka had always taken the development of the South Pole better than her. He appreciated the progress they had made and felt little need to cling to the old ways for the sake of it. “Obviously I really miss you and dad and Gran-Gran!” Katara added hurriedly. “But when Iroh invited me to stay in Ba Sing Se, it just…felt like the right thing for me.”
“But you didn’t even write! You didn’t say anything. I haven’t heard from you in months.”
“What was I supposed to write?” Katara argued, feeling her emotions bubble to the surface. “Hi Sokka, so me and Aang broke up and I’m heartbroken, but Ba Sing Se sure is lovely this time of year, hope things are cool with you?” Sokka gaped at her incredulously.
“Yes!” Sokka burst out exasperated. “That’s exactly what you could have said!” Put like that, Katara realised he had a point.
“You’re right,” she admitted. “I could have done that. I’m sorry, Sokka. I guess I just thought…” She paused, and looked around at her friends. “I was worried that…you might not understand. And I didn’t want to burden any of you, and when Iroh offered it just…seemed easier for me. I’m sorry if that was selfish.”
“It wasn’t selfish,” Suki said. “You did what was right for you. Right, Sokka?” Sokka nodded in agreement.
“It’s not like we were expecting you,” he reasoned. “You didn’t let anyone down. I just wish you’d talked to me.”
“I know.”
“Don’t feel like you have to keep it bottled up,” Suki added. “We’re your friends, we’ll understand.” Katara still wasn’t sure that they would, once they knew the whole truth. She wanted more than anything to keep that secret. But her wish wasn’t going to be granted that night, as Sokka kept on.
“But what happened?” he asked.
“We had a fight, I told you.”
“But how? Why? You two always seemed so strong.”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Katara begged. It was all getting too much now. Her head pounded in time with her heartbeat and she could feel her face heat up as tears threatened to spill over.
“Sokka, maybe you should-” Zuko began, but was outspoken. Sokka’s voice had begun to echo in Katara’s head. He was like a polar-bear-dog with a bone – he just wouldn’t let it go.
“Why won’t you tell us?”
“Did Aang hurt you?”
“No!” she said desperately, feeling completely overwhelmed. She was on the edge, she really couldn’t take much more of this.
“So what’s the big secret? Why won’t you tell us? You must have told Iroh, right? Just tell us-”
“Damnit, Sokka, I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Katara snapped. Hurt and confusion flashed across Sokka’s face, and her eyes started stinging. She had lost control. She stood up hurriedly, avoiding all of their stares. “I’m sorry, everyone, please excuse me,” she muttered thickly, and ran out of the room into the courtyard. Her tears were in free-flow now and she just had to get away. ‘I am the worst,’ she thought guiltily. She began to wander aimlessly through the grounds.
After a short walk, she found a koi pond that sat at the edge of the forest which enclosed the house, and she collapsed onto the grass, hugging her knees to her chest. That had gone about as well as a komodo-rhino running a tea shop. She thought of Sokka’s hurt and confused expression when she had shouted at him, a pang in her heart. He didn’t deserve that. Why had she let her temper get the better of her? Why was she so afraid of answering his questions?
‘You know why,’ she told herself. It had been for the same reason she had been too afraid to reach out to any of them after she and Aang had broken up. The truth was…not good, and even if she’d wanted to lie, that was impossible with Toph there. Coming here had been a mistake. She should have just stayed in Ba Sing Se and let them enjoy their vacation without her. It would have been better for all of them. They could have had a great time, just friends around the table together. They didn’t need her to come in and lose it at them and spoil everyone’s good time.
Katara leant forward and looked into the water. She hoped it might calm her but there was nothing to be seen. If there were any koi in the pond right now, they were doing a good job of hiding. Her reflection just stared back at her miserably. She looked like an absolute mess. Her hair had waved and frizzed out of control from the humidity, and it was obvious she had been crying. Katara sighed and closed her eyes. She really didn’t care about her hair, but this was another of those moments where she wished she was better at pretending everything was okay. And it should have been okay. It had been three months. She had barely thought about Aang since Iroh had passed on the invitation. She had been so happy and excited at the thought of seeing them…before she went and ruined everything because Sokka had had the gall to act concerned for his sister. She would have to apologise as soon as she composed herself and went back indoors. She splashed some water onto her face in an attempt to steady and soothe her nerves, but it had little effect. At least it was refreshing.
****
After a few very awkward moments of silence, except for Suki and Sokka talking in hushed whispers to each other, Zuko volunteered to go and check on Katara. It shouldn’t be Sokka, not after what had just happened. Suki would have been the best placed to comfort their friend, but she was too preoccupied with trying to talk Sokka down. He lit a small fire in the palm of his hand as he crossed the courtyard, trying to spot Katara’s tell-tale blue dress.
He found her sitting next to the koi pond, which was illuminated by the moonlight. He approached her hesitantly, not sure if she wanted company. He had felt her stiffen earlier when Sokka had mentioned Aang’s whereabouts. ‘I guess now I know why,’ he thought.
“Hey,” he said quietly so as not to startle her. She jumped anyway. She turned her head and spotted him.
“Zuko?”
“Do you…mind if I join you?” he asked.
“Sure,” she nodded and turned away from him, staring back into the pond. She shook herself as he sat down beside her on her right, crossing his legs. His outstretched palm still cradled the small fire. He stared into the pond himself, but kept throwing side-glances at her as they sat in silence. The pleasant summer breeze rustled the leaves in the trees, and he could hear the ocean breaking onto the shore on the beach below them. Had it not been for the fact that Katara was upset, it would have been a very peaceful moment.
“This was always my favourite part of the garden,” he confessed, trying to break the tension. Katara nodded.
“It’s a nice spot,” she agreed. She sat up properly and turned to face him. His scar was still visible in the moonlight, although it was mostly covered by his hair. It was Fire Nation tradition to grow it long but Zuko had never felt compelled to do so since taking the throne. He still wore the top-knot when he was carrying out Fire Lord duties, but in private he liked to leave it loose. He wasn’t sure even within himself whether that was to do with the scar. Logically he could hardly afford to be really self-conscious about it, given his position after all. He just preferred it this way.
“I’m sorry, Zuko,” Katara began. He turned to look at her. “For my outburst in there. I’ve probably ruined everyone’s evening.”
“It’s okay,” Zuko said quietly, shrugging. “I think Sokka was pushing it too far.”
“No…he wasn’t. He was just worried. I shouldn’t have yelled at him.”
“We’re all worried about you,” he replied. “You have to admit, this was unexpected.” Katara couldn’t argue with that.
“Did Iroh never mention-?” she began but Zuko shook his head.
“I didn’t even know you were staying with him,” Zuko admitted. “He just said that Aang wasn’t coming, but you were and you would be flying in with him. Were you with him the whole time?”
“Yeah. He had me working in the teashop.” She smiled at the memory.
“I remember what that’s like. You poor thing,” he joked. Katara looked at him quizzically, and Zuko flushed. “Sorry,” he said quickly. “That was meant to be a joke. I guess it wasn’t funny.” Whether it was purely for his benefit or not, Zuko didn’t know, but Katara let out a small giggle.
“Maybe I’m just not used to you making jokes,” she teased. Zuko frowned. But he was glad it was making her laugh, even if it was at his expense. He wished he wasn’t so awkward around his friends sometimes. He thought it was likely to do with their history. He had spent a long time being a thorn in their sides, after all. When something needed doing, like helping Sokka break his dad and Suki out of prison or aiding the group with fighting off the Southern Water Tribe rebels, he was the man to go to. But when it came to the more social aspects of their relationships, he usually stayed quiet unless spoken to directly. At first it had been shame and guilt which kept him mostly silent, but also he enjoyed listening to them and watching their interactions play out. He was comfortable when he was quiet and they accepted that about him.
“Katara…” he began, feeling strangely nervous. “I know you said you don’t want to talk about it. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if you do…” He trailed off.
Katara shook her head and let out a deep breath. “It’s…bad, Zuko.”
“Think about who you’re talking to,” he reminded her. “I did a lot of bad things before I joined your group. If there’s anyone who would understand making that kind of mistake…”
“It would be you,” Katara finished for him. She hadn’t meant it as an insult, and Zuko didn’t take it as one. It was just the truth.
“Look, I’ll cut you a deal, if you’re interested,” he continued. He turned his body to face her. “I’ll tell you something about me that I’ve never told anyone…and you tell me what happened with you and Aang.” He paused before adding: “If you want to, that is.”
Katara was hesitant. It felt very odd to be having this discussion with Zuko, of all her friends. “I don’t know, Zuko,” she sighed. “We don’t…really have that kind of friendship. I’m not even sure why you’re out here.” She said it without even thinking about it and regretted it instantly. She couldn’t see Zuko’s face properly, but she thought she could hear him deflate at her words.
“Fair enough,” he muttered. “I’ll…leave you to your thoughts.” He got up to leave.
“No wait!” Katara said quickly. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it.” Zuko silently accepted her apology.
“I think you did,” he told her. “You’re right. We don’t have that kind of friendship.” The only time he and Katara had ever been anything remotely resembling ‘close’ had been when they were fighting together. Except for that one time… He sat back down. The fire danced across his hand but he kept it under control. “But…maybe it’s time we did. You were the first person I opened up to, other than my uncle, in Ba Sing Se.” She was the first person who had seemed willing to listen. She was the first person he had allowed to touch his scar. He remembered with a jolt when the Earth Kingdom villager, Song, had tried to do the same and he had pushed her hand away…right before stealing the family’s ostrich-horse. He had anonymously gifted them a new one when he became Fire Lord but he knew that didn’t make up for the trust that had been broken after they had been so kind to him. It was the same reason why Katara had been so hostile when he first came to the group – he had broken her trust and repaid her kindness with a betrayal that had almost resulted in Aang being murdered by Azula.
By the spirits, it was no wonder she didn’t feel close to him.
Katara still couldn’t quite believe that she was having this conversation with Zuko. But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. Zuko’s past meant that he probably would understand. And if he was anything like his uncle… She knew it would be better for her to let it out. Perhaps telling Zuko would give her the courage to come clean to the others. She needed to apologise to Sokka in any event, and although he may not push so hard again, he wouldn’t let it go. He was her brother. They would be spending the next weeks together, she would never get away with not telling him.
Resolved, Katara nodded. “Okay,” she said softly. “Deal. You first.” By unspoken agreement they turned to face each other, now both cross-legged. Zuko extinguished the flame in his hand. He didn’t want Katara to feel on show, and the darkness broken only by the moon gave them the illusion of more privacy.
“I don’t know if Aang ever told you,” Zuko began. “But a while ago, Azula came back to the Fire Nation capital. She set up this ring and they started taking children from their beds at night.” He shuddered as he thought of it. He couldn’t remember feeling so powerless since he had become Fire Lord. And when they came for Kiyi and he hadn’t been able to stop them… “Everyone was scared and…I couldn’t protect them. And then one night they took Kiyi.” Katara did know this, Aang had told her. “Azula was working with the New Ozai Society. Mai’s father was part of it. Azula even took his son.”
“They kept them all in a room underground. They were just trying to scare us, but we didn’t know that at the time. Mai and I, we tracked them down. And then we found Azula.” Katara said nothing, listening intently. Aang had given her only a quick summary. He hadn’t had the same emotional involvement in the saga. He hadn’t had the same pain in his voice. Zuko took a deep breath, and steeled himself against his nerves. He wouldn’t back out now. “Azula ran off but I followed her. She said some…nonsense about how it was her destiny to make me the best Fire Lord I could be. But to Azula, that meant being like our father and ruling with fear…this is where it gets bad.”
The whole thing already sounded bad. ‘Zuko doesn’t deserve this,’ Katara thought.
“I…” Zuko groaned and put his head in his hands. “I…I could have killed her.” Katara gasped despite herself. “I was so mad, I could have ended her life. If Kiyi hadn’t called for me when she had, if I hadn’t known already that the children were safe and hadn’t been harmed…if she had hurt Kiyi, I wouldn’t have hesitated. And that would have been exactly what she wanted. Destiny fulfilled,” he concluded bitterly.
“Zuko…” Katara said slowly. “I can understand that. Kiyi is your sister.”
“So is Azula,” Zuko argued. “And it…it scared me to think that I would be capable of that. To think that I could kill my own sister.”
“But you didn’t,” Katara reasoned.
“Only because I happened to know they were safe! What if I hadn’t heard Kiyi first? It was like Azula wanted me to finish her. She would have done everything in her power to make me strike. And if things had been different, I might have done!”
It was clear how much this bothered Zuko…but Katara still wasn’t perturbed. She gave Zuko a moment to gather his thoughts and calm down before speaking.
“If someone did that to Sokka…I honestly don’t know what I would do, whether Sokka had actually been harmed or not.” Zuko nodded but didn’t seem convinced. She was probably just trying to make him feel better.
“And how does that make you feel?”
“It scares me,” she admitted. “But not as much as the thought of losing Sokka. This doesn’t make you a bad person, Zuko. And the fact that you’re so worried about what you might have done means…well, it means that…look, it means you’re doing good.” He looked back up at her, into her piercing blue eyes. There was no fear, no loathing in them. He was genuinely surprised. She didn’t seem to think he was a monster at all. He let out the breath he’d been holding, feeling relieved and strangely glad that he had shared it with Katara.
He fixed his gaze on her.
“Your turn.”
Katara wanted to back out, more than anything. She wanted to get up and run away into the forest and not look back. But she couldn’t do that. She wouldn’t do that, not after Zuko had been so honest with her. But that was part of the problem. Zuko’s past meant he would be the most likely to understand, but on the other hand if he didn’t – if he thought she was a monster – what did that suggest about how the others would react? She imagined Sokka looking at her in horror and despair. The same way Aang had. It had been hard enough coming from him. It had broken her heart. But that pain wouldn’t compare to what she would feel if Sokka gave her the same expression.
Zuko waited patiently as Katara wrestled with her thoughts. Panic rose through her body and she took in a deep breath to try and calm herself down. This was hard. A lot harder than it had been to talk to Iroh. But she had to try. She had promised him.
“Okay,” she began, looking at the floor. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her friend whilst she recounted the tale. “My story…also involves the New Ozai Society. I know you cleared them out from the Fire Nation but they didn’t disappear. They regrouped. And started attacking villages in the Earth Kingdom.”
“I know,” Zuko said mournfully. “Mai is actually leading a squad to track them down and bring them to justice.” It sickened him, that some of his own people were still capable of doing that. There was no real goal to their terrorising this time. Other than further destroying the reputation of the Fire Nation in the eyes of the world. But mostly, he believed they were doing it just because they could. To show that they were still relevant and still able to cause grief. It was why he had sent an elite force to the Earth Kingdom, with Earth King Kuei's blessing of course. It was a show of solidarity, yes, but also Zuko held himself responsible. If he had done a better job of keeping them in check, they never would have made it there. The organisation spread much further and wider than anyone had first realised, and the bulk of those in the Earth Kingdom were probably men he hadn’t even known were part of it. Some of them were known members who had exiled themselves to escape justice. But the remainder had just left voluntarily to join their brothers in arms in their ignoble quest.
“I didn’t know that,” Katara piped up, breaking his train of thought. “About Mai, I mean.”
“Yeah. She volunteered and I couldn’t think of anyone better.”
“Yeah,” Katara agreed. She could see that. Even without the ability to firebend, Mai was a force to be reckoned with. But Katara was stalling now, and they both knew it.
She carried on: “Well…Aang and I were travelling and we made a stop at a village. There was some festival he wanted to go to. We camped out there for a few days. Aang thought of something else he wanted to do close by, but we were nearly out of supplies so I stayed in the village to stock up. And then…they attacked.” She could remember it as clear as day.
It began with a single blast of fire. A warning shot, it soared over the heads of the shoppers in the market. They all watched in horror as the blast collided with a shopfront, igniting it. It burned hotly as Katara unlatched her waterskin and bent the water out, sending it in a wave towards the burning building before it had a chance to spread.
She only had just enough to put the fire out, when another fireball exploded on a wooden market stall loaded with cabbages, setting it ablaze. She heard a distinct cry of “My cabbages! Man, dad’s gonna kill me!” and noticed a young man in Earth Kingdom attire cradling the few that had been spared from the blast. She bent the water from a nearby barrel onto the stand to douse the flames.
By now, full panic mode had set in in the villagers and everyone was screaming and running in no particular direction. The blasts just kept coming and there wasn’t enough water around to put them all out as they hit. They were indiscriminate and unforgiving and no longer solely flying above their heads. More than a few had landed on the ground and it was a miracle that no-one had been directly hit by one yet.
Katara ran in the direction of the blasts, bending as much water from any source she could find into her waterskin as possible. Ahead of her stood six men in dark cloaks. Only three of them appeared to be firebenders but the rest of them were armed to the teeth. It was only a matter of time before they charged, she realised. She built a wall of ice spanning the width of the street with as much thickness as she could muster but it wasn’t long before the firebenders burned through and resumed their senseless, merciless attack.
“There were only two earthbenders around,” Katara explained. “Everything happened so fast, they didn’t really have time to react.”
The three non-benders leapt into action and ran down the street, cutting and slicing wildly.
“For the Fire Nation!” she heard one of them cry. The man swung his sword high in the air above a family of three cowering behind their stand. Using the last of her water, Katara blasted a sheet of ice at him. It struck him hard in the face, stunning him.
“Quick! Get out of there!” she cried at the family, who didn’t need telling twice. They scrambled out from behind their stall and made off quickly down an alley. There wasn’t enough water for Katara to freeze him in place. She rearranged the little water she had left into a pair manacles made from ice, and clamped around his wrists. That would have to do for now. She had bigger, more dangerous enemies to worry about…
Despite having no ammunition, Katara ran back towards the firebenders, fuelled by rage. It consumed her whole body and she didn’t care what happened next. The grasslands just outside of the village withered and died as she passed by, drawing their water and sending blasts of ice at the firebenders with all her might. Behind her, she heard deafening cracking sounds, and spotted a large stone wall from where she had just come. Good. That should keep the firebenders out. She just hoped the earthbenders could tackle the violent non-benders, for all the villagers’ sakes.
She turned back around to face her foes determinedly. She was not letting them get away.
The firebenders suddenly punched the air in front of them in unison. A quick, successive volley of fireballs came tearing towards Katara. She coated her hands in ice and it was all she could do was to block them, casting them aside one by one. There wasn’t enough time between blasts to launch a counter-attack.
“But there were too many of them,” Katara continued. “I couldn’t keep it up forever.”
It was a stalemate, neither willing to give any ground to the other. All around her, she could sense the panic and hear the screams and frantic cries of the villagers who had become trapped outside the wall as she had. There was a lull in fireballs, giving her time to catch her breath.
Katara then realised with horror that the firebenders had stopped targeting her specifically and were now firing at anything that moved. She heard a blood-curdling shriek to her right. Someone had been hit with a blast and was on the ground, whimpering and clutching their arm in agony.
“No!” she heard a woman shout. The sky lit up as one of the firebenders sent another blast in their direction. Katara forcefully took more water from the grass and sent a ball of ice to intercept it. The two blasts clashed in mid-air, cancelling each other out, and the water fell harmlessly to the ground before the villagers were hit.
“By then, most of the grass had died. I had to take so much water to fight off the firebenders. But that just made it worse.”
Katara quickly took in the scene before her. The ground she was standing on was so dry it was only a matter of time before the firebenders figured out they could set one small patch alight and watch it spread. They wouldn’t need to do anything else. Darkness surrounded them, and although the moon hung high in the sky, she could barely make out the shadowy figures anymore. There was still water in the ground, but not enough for Katara to be able to freeze them in place. Not without adding more kindling if she failed. It was the height of summer and there was no moisture in the air. Her waterskin was empty and she didn’t dare draw anymore from the grasslands. She was powerless against them.
“It...it was a full moon,” Katara said, her voice quivering. “I just thought about all those poor people. They were going to lose their homes and I’d already seen at least one person get burned. I didn’t even know what was going on in the village. I didn’t know if anyone had been killed. And I…just…snapped.”
A cold clarity settled over Katara. She could sense the power from the moon coursing through her veins. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. There was only one thing she could do now. The firebenders had left her no choice.
Katara closed her eyes. Sight wouldn’t help her anymore. She stilled and listened, reaching out. She couldn’t see the firebenders…but she could feel them.
She raised her hands before her and folded them into spiderlike claws. As soon as she had one of the firebenders in her grasp, she twisted her wrist and raised her arms above her head. She heard an anguished shout come from one of the firebenders. Unable to control his own movements, he reached for his blade and pulled it out of its sheath. He swung wildly at his compatriots, ignoring their cries of protest.
“It’s not me! I’m not doing this!” the man shouted. Katara dropped to the ground and slammed her hand down. The firebender collapsed onto his knees, moaning and whimpering. Katara released him from her grip and he slumped to the ground. He had passed out from the pain. No sooner than the other firebenders turned to stare at her in horror, Katara rose and reached out again and took a second one under her thrall. Katara didn’t waste time with this one. He was on the ground in seconds. He was still conscious but unable to move, his muscles contracting in agony.
The third and final firebender spun on his heel and tried to run away. But he was too slow for Katara. He came crashing down before he could even take in what was happening to him. His muscles felt like they were on fire and he cried out helplessly. Katara kept him in her grasp as he thought about scampering away. This one was stronger. The others had offered no resistance. No matter. She could keep him pinned and knock him out with his own sword if she had to.
She walked up towards him, keeping him in her grip. Her eyes were wild and dangerous.
“Stay down!” she commanded harshly. Her voice dripped with venom. He took one fearful look at her and submitted, cowering and hoping against hope that she would take pity on him and make it stop. But even when she released him, the pain was overwhelming. He couldn’t have moved even if he dared.
“When I heard the wall come back down, I knew it was over,” Katara concluded. “The earthbenders must have been able to handle the others. I guess they broke down the wall to try and take on the firebenders themselves.”
“Once I calmed down, I knew I was in trouble. I knew that no-one would understand, not even Aang.” Especially Aang, as it had turned out. “But I had no choice, Zuko!” she told him desperately, pleadingly. “Nothing else would work! I just couldn’t take it anymore. And I got so scared that I would be found out, I…froze them. So it would look like that was all I’d done. The Earth Kingdom army came by not long after and arrested them. I guess Aang must have followed them because he wasn’t far behind.”
She brought her knees back up to her chest and sank her head into them. She was so ashamed she couldn’t even look at Zuko. She was too afraid of what she might see.
Zuko was at a complete loss for words. He had listened to her story with rapt attention, eyes wide. He wanted to tell her that he understood. That she had done the only thing she could in the circumstances. That he would have done the same in her shoes. His mouth opened and closed but he just couldn’t bring the words forth.
The silence was deafening. Katara tensed, certain Zuko was planning his escape and trying to avoid her wrath. “That’s my story,” she added lamely. “Don’t worry, it’s not a full moon tonight. You have my permission to run away.”
Zuko had no intention of doing any such thing. “When did this happen?” he asked simply.
“About a year ago,” Katara shrugged. What did that matter? She sighed. If that was really all he could think of to say… “You must think I’m a monster.” She hugged her knees closer, still not daring to look at him.
After what felt like an age, Zuko finally spoke. “No. No, I don’t, Katara. You did what you had to.”
Katara snorted disbelievingly. “Too bad Aang didn’t see it like that.” Zuko started.
“That’s why you broke up?”
“Yeah,” Katara nodded. “He found out. I don’t know how but, he confronted me and I couldn’t lie to him.” He had been so worried for her and affectionate when he’d come across the scene that Katara just couldn’t bring herself to tell him. But it had been eating her up, keeping that secret from Aang. So much so that it had almost felt like a relief when he found out. That relief hadn’t lasted long.
He had never admitted this to her before their fight, but he had been terrified when she had used it on Hama. He said the relief at not being skewered by Sokka’s sword had sent him into shock at the time. He said that he’d been able to rationalise it then because there was a war on, and war forced people into doing things they normally wouldn’t. He said that he had had to forgive her for using such evil then, too, and that it was his infatuation with her that had made it easier. She relayed this to Zuko. Zuko thought it sounded like crap.
“He said all that? After you told him what happened?!”
“I didn’t really know how to explain,” Katara told him. “He knew I was there, and he knew about the bloodbending. It was obviously me, and I didn’t deny it. I thought we could talk about it but he got so upset he almost went into the Avatar State!”
“Katara, are you…did he-?”
“He was just angry,” Katara added dismissively. “He managed to control it before it took over.”
“That doesn’t make it okay,” Zuko said, his voice low.
“That’s what he said. He said that what I did was evil and that there had to have been another way. He said that rather than doing that, I should have waited until people who ‘knew what they were doing’ came along.” She paused, shaking her head. As fearful as she had been at the time, that particular memory was now only making her angry.
She continued: “He said he thought it made me evil, and he didn’t think I could be his girlfriend anymore, and that he had to meditate on it… I begged him not to go. I waited three days for him and he didn’t come back. And I just thought, well he’s the Avatar. He loved me, more than anything in the world. If he said it was evil, then he must be right and he would be better off without me. So, the next day…I left.”
There was a pregnant pause. Katara’s gaze fell back to the ground in defeat. She wondered how long it would be before Zuko made an excuse and walked away. Or just walked away. Perhaps fetch his guards to arrest her. It might have taken place on Earth Kingdom soil but they were Fire Nation citizens she had done that to… A fresh wave of guilt rolled over with that realisation. They were Zuko’s people. Not just New Ozai fanatics, not just cowards that no-one cared for intent on terrorising the innocent. Zuko would care.
All she had tried to do was protect them! Or was that just what she told herself to make herself feel better? Aang hadn’t understood, couldn’t understand. And Avatar or not, Aang always tried his hardest to see things from all sides…eventually. That said it all.
“It was wrong of Aang to make you feel like that, Katara,” Zuko finally told her, without hesitation.
“Oh yeah?” Katara looked back up at him. “You and I both know this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. What about Yon Rha? What about that innocent man I used bloodbending on?” Zuko frowned in confusion.
“You mean the captain of the Southern Raiders?” he asked. Katara nodded. “You were angry, and you had every right to be,” Zuko insisted. “And that captain may not have been the one to kill your mother, but he was not innocent. The Southern Raiders were put together to cause pain and suffering, nothing else. And in the end, even though he really didn’t deserve it, you spared Yon Rha’s life. You did the right thing.” He faltered, grappling with whether to say it. She watched him expectantly. He decided to take the plunge. It was the truth.
“Katara, I’ve never told you this, but I was in awe of you that day.” The admiration was clear in his voice. “You had such raw power, I couldn’t help but feel intimidated. I’d never seen you so cold and calculating before…or since. In a way, it felt like a privilege to see it.” He smiled at her with what he hoped was encouragement.
Aang had used those words too, cold and calculating. Except when Aang had said them, it had felt like one of those icy shards she had launched at Yon Rha had pierced her heart. The way Zuko said it made it sound almost like a compliment. But how could it possibly be a good thing? As if he read her mind, Zuko continued: “Think about it. I’ve only ever seen you like that once. I know you were angry, but I also know you’re capable of a lot more than you show. Everyone has a dark side, and you keep yours under control unless it’s really needed. And what happened in the Earth Kingdom was a time it was needed.” He shuffled a bit closer to her, as if to make his point. “You never even used it against me, after everything I put you through. You’re a good person, and don’t ever forget it.”
Katara’s eyes widened in surprise. She took in the firebender before her. She didn’t have Toph’s ability to tell when someone was lying, but he looked…so sincere. Like he meant every word and actually believed what he was saying. It was the same look Iroh had given her.
“Th-thank you, Zuko,” she stuttered in shock.
“It’s the truth,” he shrugged. “And the others will understand. I won’t say anything, but I think you should.”
“I think you’re right,” Katara conceded. “I have to go apologise to Sokka anyway…” They both looked back at the house, which was now dark. Everyone else must have gone to bed while Katara and Zuko had been talking. “I guess it’s late.” Zuko nodded.
Feeling immensely better, Katara stood up and extended a hand to Zuko, and pulled him to his feet. They regarded each other for a moment before she pulled him into a tight hug. He wrapped his arms back around her. “You’re a really good friend, Zuko,” she said into his chest, making him pink slightly.
“I’m…glad I could help,” he said uncertainly. They pulled out of their embrace and exchanged shy smiles. Zuko then re-lit the fire in his hand, and they walked side-by-side back to the house.