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"Alright, so eighty divided by ten is equal to eight. Do you understand why?" Fugo asked to Narancia. They had been at the table for about an hour. Fugo was proud of Narancia for getting the hand of multiplication and he decided that the dark haired boy was ready to learn division. It was their first division lesson today and Fugo could already tell that he would need a lot of patience for this unit. Observing Narancia's eyes that slyly wandered to the clock, how he fidgeted with his pencil in his hand, the way he was slumped over in his chair, Fugo could tell that Narancia understood maybe only sixty percent of what had been going on the past hour. Fugo internally sighed. This would take a while. There were only thirty more minutes to go in this lesson.
Fugo silently prayed that he could keep his temper until then.
"Well uh... is it because... I don't know eight tens equal an eighty?" Narancia answered hesitantly. Fugo gave the other boy a small smile of approval.
"That's correct! If ten were to go into eighty, it would take eight tens to make an eighty. See, that wasn't so hard. I knew you could do it." Fugo replied encouragingly. Narancia beamed a bit at Fugo's affirmations of approval. Those words seemed to be just what he needed to hear. Fugo let out an internal sigh of relief that he had said the right thing to Narancia. The mood around Narancia shifted, going from tired and impatient to get the lesson over with to being a bit more energetic and ready to do a little bit more.
Come on, Nara. Hang in there. Fugo silently thought.
"Remember your multiplication. How many fives does it take to make a 35?" Fugo asked. He saw as the other boy pondered this question for a little bit. A good fifteen seconds of a concentrated look on his face. His eyes shifting from side to side. With each two seconds that passed, Fugo got a bit more impatient with his student.
Calm down. It's only Narancia's first day with division. Be patient with him. He'll learn and memorize his multiplication tables, which'll make division easier in the future. Just stay patient for now. Don't lose your shit. Fugo thought again. He quietly took in a breath and slowly let it out in an attempt to keep himself calm.
"Is it..." Narancia had started hesitantly. Fugo nodded at Narancia, telling him to go on. Narancia gave a small nod back. "Is it seven?" he finally answered. For about the twentieth time, Fugo let out another internal sigh go relief. So far so good. He could now only hope that Narancia would keep this up.
"Good job! You got that right." Fugo praised once more. He pulled out a piece of paper from his notebook. On that piece of paper were ten practice problems that were neatly written. "Here are some practice problems for you to attempt. Please feel free to use your scratch paper if you need it." Fugo instructed as he handed the practice problems to Narancia. The recipient of the problems wordlessly took the sheet of paper and looked at it. There was a subtle droop in his shoulders as his eyes scanned the paper. Fugo felt his heart sink at this but he refused to let go of hope for Narancia. Narancia slumped over the problems and his sheet of scratch paper and went to work. Fugo pulled out the fantasy book he was currently reading. The room fell silent, except for the sound of page turns and a pencil writing on paper.
Fugo subtly checked the clock. Five minutes had passed. It seemed as if Narancia was still stuck on the first three problems. Ten minutes have passed. Narancia was now writing something for question six. Fifteen minutes have passed. Narancia was now on question nine. Sixteen minutes have passed until Fugo noticed from the corner of his eye that Narancia had set down his pencil.
"Fugo! I finished the problems." declared Narancia. His shoulders sagged a bit, which Fugo presumed was with relief. Narancia looked fairly confident, but still bit nervous. Well, at least he didn't have the "fuck I totally messed up" look on his face.
"I'll check it over for you. Let's see how you did." Fugo replied. Narancia nodded as he handed Fugo his paper.
Alright... it seemed as if he got number one right. Fifteen divided by three. I would presume that's a five and not a six. I'll give him the benefit of doubt here. Good he got number two correct. Four divided by two. If he didn't that right... I shouldn't dwell on those thoughts. It seemed as if he had a bit of trouble on number three. I see about four different erased answers. Well, at least he got it right eventually. Ah it seemed as if he didn't get number four right. That would give him a 90 as a score so far. Fugo thought as his eyes scanned over the first four questions. Only one incorrect out of the four. If this trend continued in the rest of his work, Narancia would get a 70 at least and a 90 at most. Not bad. At least, that was the best case scenario.
Fugo should have known better than to hope that Narancia would get a 70 at the very least.
Wait... he got number five wrong too. 48 divided by eight isn't eight. It's six. He got number six right at least. What the- oh lord Nara, 56 divided by seven isn't nine. Number eight too?! I thought you knew that 72 divided by eight was nine. Number nine he just left blank?? And number ten... how did he even get seven for 22 divided by two? At his point. I think he gave up...
Fugo felt his breath quicken. Narancia had missed... six problems. He had gotten a fucking forty.
Unacceptable. A voice in his mind whispered. That's a bad grade. A terrible grade. It's bellow a 90. It's bad. Remember what mama and papa said about grades. Punish him for it. Mother and father punished you. Punish him. There is no place in the world for stupid people.
Suddenly, Fugo could hear his parents' voice ringing out loudly.
"Punish him. Remember what we taught you. Bad grades need to be punished."
"You're a failure of a teacher. Maybe if you were smarter you could teach better. Then your student wouldn't be making so many mistakes."
"You're being too kind to him. We were harsh to you but that's why you're so smart. You have us to thank."
Shut up. Shut the fuck up. GO AWAY.
"So uh... how did I do?" asked Narancia nervously. That snapped Fugo out of his thoughts. He stared at Narancia.
And promptly proceeded punch him in the face. On his left cheek.
Narancia immediately recoiled, holding a hand to his cheek. Fugo felt a pang of guilt but that wasn't enough to stop his rage. It wasn't enough to stop the torrent of anger that had spilled out and consumed him. There was no stopping it no.
"You actual idiot. You can't even get half of these problems correct. You got a fucking FORTY. In school that means you would have failed. You would have failed something that children half your age know how to do. What are your brains made of? What are you THINKING?! WHAT'S WITH YOU AND NOT BEING ABLE TO DO SIMPLE MATH??" Fugo roared as he stood up, looming over Narancia threateningly. Fugo grabbed Narancia's hair and pulled upwards, forcing Narancia to meet Fugo's angry gaze.
"EVEN FOR YOUR FIRST LESSON YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET AT LEAST HALF OF THEM RIGHT. You didn't even get half of them right. What are you doing?! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!?!" Fugo yelled in rage. He released Narancia's hair and raised his hand, about to slap the shorter boy. Instead, Narancia stood up and shoved Fugo away, causing the blonde to stumble backwards a bit. Fugo met Narancia's gaze and saw fury that almost matched his own. And... there was something else in his gaze?
Before Fugo got to ponder what that other emotion was, Narancia spoke.
"You didn't have to hit me, y'know. Can't you keep your cool for an hour and a half? Jeez... not even two full hours and you already hit me and yelled at me. Panna... that punch fucking hurt! You didn't have to do that. You didn't have to say those things to me. Why does this always happen? I'm trying my best. Why can't you see that?! Why am I so useless to you? I'm not smart like you are. WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING GET THAT?!" Narancia spat, his voice growing louder and getting higher. His body was trembling. His hand was on his left cheek, where Fugo had hit him. His eyes were filled with anger. But... it wasn't just anger that was filling those purple eyes.
Fugo felt dread wash over him as he saw tears gathering in Narancia's eyes. Shit. He didn't think this through. Narancia was right. He didn't have to hit him. But he did anyways. What was he supposed to do now? Fugo felt as if something icy was slowly grabbing his heart.
"I never said you were useless-" Fugo began helplessly until he was cut off.
"Oh you never said I was useless. But you sure treated me like it, huh Fugo? Yelling at me for getting a forty, calling me stupid, insulting my inability to do simple math... it sure sounds like you're treating me like I'm useless. Am I really nothing to you? Am I just something for you to take your anger out on? Am I expendable and easy to give up on? This always happens. You always yell at me. I hate math. I FUCKING HATE MATH BECAUSE MATH MEANS YOU'LL YELL AT ME. YOU ALWAYS TRY YOUR BEST TO HURT ME. Am I... AM I REALLY JUST YOUR PUNCHING BAG?! DO YOU REALLY THINK NOTHING OF ME?!" Narancia yelled. His voice broke with sob and Fugo watched in agonizing dread as the tears spilled from Narancia's eyes in a violent stream. He watched as Narancia glared at him and then ran upstairs, sobs escaping his throat as he vanished from sight. Each and every single one of those sobs and tears tore at Fugo's heart.
"What... what just happened..." muttered Fugo in a tired voice as he sank down into his chair. He put his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands. He had just hurt his best friend. He made his best friend feel useless. He had hit his best friend. What kind of a shitty friend would do that? Fugo grained. What the fuck was wrong with him? Narancia was right. He really couldn't control his temper for more than two hours. He was an awful person. Narancia didn't deserve as bad of a teacher as him. Fuck, he always messed everything up. Narancia was better off without him. He was such a terrible, terrible friend...
And, there he went again. Self pitying himself. Fugo took a deep breath. He had caused this mess. There was no time to mope around doing nothing except blaming himself. His friend was hurt. He should be the one to fix it.
With another dee breath, Fugo got up from his chair and walked up the stairs as slowly and as quietly as possible. As he reached the top floor, faint sobbing from Narancia's room was audible. Those sobs piled more guilt on top of Fugo. His heart felt so heavy. What if he just made things worse?
Well, you have to try. You caused this. You fix it. Fugo vowed to himself.
With a deep breath, he gently knocked on the door of Narancia's room.
"What the hell do you want Panna." Narancia snapped at Fugo, trying his best to stifle his sobs. Fugo hesitated a bit before saying anything. In his head he debated if he should just go away but if he ran away right now, then nothing would be fixed.
Plus it would make him look like an idiot.
"Narancia I..." Fugo began, trailing off at the end. Fuck. He could just image Narancia's tear stained face behind the door. His words died in his throat. He didn't want to face Narancia but he had to. "I want to apologize to you. May I come in?" he asked softly.
"The doors unlocked." Narancia simply mumbled. Fugo decided that he would take that as a sign that he was allowed to come in.
The blonde took in a deep breath and opened the door.
His breath hitched in his throat when he saw the state Narancia was in. The dark haired boy was sitting up tensely, curled up in the corner of his bed. His hair was a mess. His slender shoulders shook with quiet sobs as tears streamed from his eyes. One hand was still gingerly cradling his left cheek, which appeared to have started to bruise. Fugo's heart felt like it was tearing at the seams. He caused this. He had done this to his best friend.
Now he had to fix it.
Narancia looked up warily as Fugo slowly approached him and sat on the other corner of the bed. Silence passed between them for a few agonizingly long seconds. Both waiting for the other to do something about the situation that was unfolding around them.
"I'm sorry" Fugo suddenly blurted out. Narancia looked curiously over at him. Fugo nervously looked away from Narancia and then looked back to him again. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry. What. I did was wrong. I'm sorry for hurting you. It's okay if you don't want to forgive me. I understand. What I said and did to you was harsh and I understand if you don't forgive me." Narancia stared in silence at Fugo during his apology. A few tense seconds passed between those two before Narancia finally spoke.
"Just.. come here for a second." whispered Narancia. Fugo gave him a confused look but scooted his way closer to the shorter boy. They were now right in front of each other. A few more seconds passed by before Narancia suddenly hugged Fugo.
"A-apology accepted." Narancia muttered as he practically sank into Fugo. Fugo hesitated a bit before wrapping his arms around his best friend. As his friend's sobbing got louder, Fugo just held him tighter. Gently rubbing circles on his back in an effort to bring him some comfort. "Y-you punched me on the l-left of my face... I almost lost my left eye Panna... and... and you hit my left! W-why..." wailed Narancia in between his sobs. It broke Fugo's heart to know that he had caused this to his best friend. All he could do now was try to make it better.
"I know. I'm so sorry. It's my fault. You did nothing wrong. You did nothing wrong..." Fugo trailed off as he clutched the boy in his arms tighter. "I'm so sorry. I really am. I should have controlled myself. You are not to blame for this. After all, everybody learns at different rates. I shouldn't have blown up at you. You are not worthless or stupid. You're just trying your best. I should have appreciated that." he concluded. There was no response from the other boy, except for arms circling around tighter around Fugo. That feeling sent Fugo's heart into pieces. Even now, after all he did to Narancia, his friend still clung to him. Still found comfort in him. All Fugo could do was hug his friend back and provide as much comfort as possible.
Fugo admit that he cried a bit too. Letting his tears fall into Narancia's hair, which Fugo soothingly stroked. The sobs got quieter and quieter.
The two of them stayed in the same position for a while. Fugo holding Narancia, alternating between rubbing the boy's back and stroking his hair lightly. They stayed like that for about an hour until Fugo realized that Narancia was asleep. Fugo continued to hold the boy longer, nevertheless. He let out a small, almost inaudible sigh. He didn't deserve Narancia's forgiveness but Narancia was just still rather innocent and child-like. When all of his "friends" abandoned him and left him to die, Fugo was the one that found and took him to Bucciarati. Of course Narancia would easily forgive Fugo.
Fugo's heart twisted in shame and guilt. He almost wished Narancia didn't forgive him as easily. But in the end, Fugo couldn't change anything. Narancia had forgiven him and only Narancia himself could take that forgiveness away. Fugo looked down at his friend. He saw the bruise, which was turning purple, on Narancia's face. Just another reminder of what Fugo had done. He gently brushed his fingers across the bruised skin, making a mental note to put an ice pack on it.
Fugo truly didn't think of himself as worthy of Narancia's forgiveness.
He still didn't understand why he had been forgiven so easily.
As he stared down at the sleeping boy and pondered why he was forgiven so easily, he decided that he couldn't force Narancia to not forgive him. But what Fugo could do was make himself into somebody forgivable. Somebody who became better.
I promise that I'll make myself worthy of your forgiveness.