Chapter Text
“Adrien it isn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself for losing your miraculous, just as Master Fu couldn’t.” Marinette’s voice tried to hide her own guilt, but Adrien knew her better than that. He knew that she was just trying to hide the fact that she felt also partly to blame. “It’s no one’s fault other than the person who takes a miraculous and then uses it in a way it’s not intended to be.”
Adrien didn’t react to her words. He was too trapped in his own mind and his own feelings of inadequacy to even try to comfort her.
People that he loved and respected had funneled into his room since he woke up, feeding the same bull to him about it not being his fault. They spoke and perhaps they thought that he was listening, but he wasn’t. It was like a TV turned on in the background, he heard the words, yet he wasn’t paying attention. After all every word they spoke was just another lie to help him feel better, but he knew the truth. He messed up and now another supervillain had two miraculous.
“It can’t be all that bad, Big Alix hasn’t shown up and little Alix hasn’t said a word. It’ll be okay.” Marinette looked over at him as he laid out on the bed beside her in the fetal position. It was obvious that she was waiting for a response, a movement, or anything to signify that he was hearing what she was saying. When he gave none she just sighed and looked at the door. “I know it’s hard, Kitty. Just let me know which miraculous you want to borrow while we find this guy and get Trixx back to you.”
Placing her hand on his shoulder, she squeezed it lovingly, but the action left him numb.
Numb, aside from the nausea that lapped like a wave in his gut as she offered him another miraculous. Just another thing that he would eventually lose.
She exited the room quietly, no doubt to get the next person to try and make him feel better.
He wasn’t going to feel better, and he wasn’t sure that he ever would. He had lost the Black Cat Miraculous because it wasn’t his and now he had lost the Fox Miraculous because he wasn’t good enough. Ladybug was back to where she started, with two lost miraculous. Instead of a man who was determined to terrorize Paris for his own selfish gain they were dealing with a man who had no issue creating weapons with the miraculous. Weapons that were powerful and had no obvious purpose other than to destroy.
Adrien turned over so that his back was facing the door and closed his eyes hoping that his exhaustion would drag him into a deep sleep where he could escape from his feelings of inadequacy.
His father had always treated him like he was worthless and now he knew why. It was the truth, nothing he would ever do would be good enough…for anyone.
“I’m forever a little kitty on a roof,” he began to sing, “All alone without his lady. I’m forever alone….”
The last word was sung through a sob, as he finally allowed the tears to spill from his eyes.
“You’ll never be alone, Adrien.” The bed dipped as a body he failed to notice entering the room came to rest beside him. “You know you’ll always have your lady and me.”
Jon pulled Adrien to him, using his own body to gently encase his boyfriend. Pressing feather light kisses to his neck and cheeks, Adrien felt some of the numbness be replaced by comfort despite his mind telling him he should allow himself to feel that way.
As much as he would like to be able to return the affection, he couldn’t seem to move, to speak or respond. Jon didn’t push for more but continued to kiss him while offering some words of encouragement.
“I know you’re blaming yourself for what happened, but it’s not your fault.” Another small sob escaped from Adrien’s throat as he tried to ignore Jon’s words. “Have I ever told you about my experience with Red Kryptonite?”
Adrien didn’t respond and Jon took it as permission to continue. “It lowers our inhibitions. A year ago, Lex Luther somehow got a bracelet of it on me. Not really sure how, it was kind of a blur. But anyway, while I was under the influence my dad came and tried to remove it, I took a piece of green Kryptonite that Luther had just hanging around and stabbed my father in his shoulder. It would have killed him if Damian wasn’t around to pull it out of him.”
Adrien heard the slight choke in Jon’s voice, it was obviously a memory that brought pain to his boyfriend. He felt for him, it is horrible to know that you’ve done something that can cause pain or even death to other people. He couldn’t imagine the additional guilt when it was your own family member.
“It’s one of my worst memories since I’ve become a hero and trust me when I say that I have quite a few bad ones. But the main thing is that even now as I look back I know that I’m not to blame because it was something that I couldn’t control. Just like you can’t control what happened. It wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t something that you could have prevented.”
Adrien tried to take in what he was saying. He knew there was some truth to it. He wasn’t exactly at fault, but he was still responsible for the lost miraculous. He still lost Trixx.
“That man still walked away with another miraculous, that’s on me.” Adrien whispered.
“No, that’s on him babe. You aren’t responsible for the decisions that other’s make. Besides now we have a better lead than we did on Natalie. All of the Bat’s are working on the clues he left. It’s obvious that this guy isn’t a professional, we’ll catch him soon enough.”
Adrien nodded his head, trying to find the truth in the words, but feeling like they were still hollow.
Jon watched as the best person he knew curled in on himself. He knew that he had heard what he said, but Adrien wouldn’t be so quick to believe simple words. Jon had been there himself, beating himself up for things that were outside of his control. Knew the kind of words that were undoubtably playing in Adrien’s head. The feelings of unworthiness, failure, disappointment, and the need to never be put in a position where it could happen again.
It was a good sign when Adrien didn’t immediately turn back around so that he was facing away from him, instead he continued to look at Jon. Searching for something, but Jon was unsure exactly what, so he just returned the attention to Adrien the way he always did. Looking at his boyfriend like he was the best thing to ever happen to him, which was the case. In two weeks’ worth of knowing Adrien there was no doubt about that in his mind.
They locked eyes and Jon tried his hardest to send him a reassuring and warm smile. He was shocked when Adrien returned it. Even more so when he then leaned in and passionately captured Jon’s lips with his own.
In a matter of seconds, Adrien tilted his head and opened his mouth, allowing his tongue to try and push the kiss past chaste. Unconsciously, Jon opened his mouth allowing Adrien’s tongue to slip in and explore. Jon couldn’t help the moan that came from within him, which shook him enough that he came to his senses. He knew he should end the kiss and not allow Adrien to succumb to his current state of vulnerability. Before Jon was able to do so himself, Adrien pulled away on his own, but not before trapping Jon’s bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled away. When Jon’s lip finally slipped from Adrien’s hold, he noticed the strong panting sound that filled the room, only to discover that it was coming from himself.
Adrien grabbed his face and held it softly between his hands, the act was intimate and comforting. As if it were Jon who was currently in need of reassurance. “I know that you think I am too vulnerable right now, but I promise you I’m not.”
Jon closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Adrien, you stopped kissing me because you know that now is not the right-”
“No,” Adrien squeezed Jon’s face tighter between his hands. “I stopped because I don’t want to stop, and I figured its best to address this before we get to the point that neither of us were thinking with our brains. I can’t have you regretting this moment later when you think you’ve taken advantage of me.”
Jon took in what Adrien was suggesting. If they were talking about it now, did that mean that he wasn’t taking advantage of the situation? Did this mean that it was going to get that far? Had Adrien been thinking about it before now?
Did he want it to go that far?
Yes.
No.
Maybe!
The truth was, when it happened, whether that be now or in the future he wanted it to happen because it felt right. Not because it was planned. He was a romantic at heart and believed in the moment, not in the organized.
“I want this. Whatever this includes tonight.” Jon noticed Adrien’s heart rate increase; he could feel the excitement coming from him in waves.
“Good,” was all he said before he kissed Jon again.
This time Adrien was more desperate as his kisses betrayed the lust, want and urgency he felt. Jon reciprocated in kind. Both of their hands traveling over the length of each other’s body. Jon became frustrated however as Adrien’s black shirt continued to thwart his efforts, he pulled back from kissing his neck, taking the shirt’s hem in his hand guiding it up over Adrien’s head.
As the shirt fell to the ground, Jon took a moment to appreciate the man before him. His hand led his eyes onto the canvas before him, taut muscles created a landscape that was truly mesmerizing. When his eyes fell on one set of muscles they quickly moved on to the next as they caught his attention, leading his eyes in a very short period of time from Adrien’s face to the light trail of blond hair disappearing into his pants.
They had been here before, but where interrupted when Jamie barged into the room uninvited, ruining their moment at the Teen Titan headquarters. This time, he hoped that no one would threaten their moment.
Jon had his hands on Adrien’s pant button. He hesitated slightly, which was to be expected considering what had happened to Adrien just a few hours before, but before he could reassure Jon his pants were being thrown from the bed onto the floor.
He tried not to buck as Jon’s warm breath washed over his thighs, but he couldn’t help the moaning and panting that began when Jon kissed his inner thigh before he sucked harshly on it. When he released his skin, he felt Jon’s tongue skim the inflicted area before he kissed it and moved on. He moved up repeating the sinfully painful pleasure till he was breathing over his hip. Jon’s breath came out in a steady stream, drawing a circle around his hip, causing intense pleasure to swim in Adrien’s stomach.
Butterflies, there were thousands of butterflies, flying around in his stomach and chest as he waited for Jon to move further down or retreat. Jon’s breathed out onto the area just above his boxer briefs, causing Adrien to try and buck again, but he failed to lift off the bed as Jon held his hips down.
Adrien moaned out as the sensation overtook him. Momentarily forgetting where he was, what had happened the night before. “You’re it for me. I know you are. I can tell by the way Alix looks at us it’s true. Which means I want to be as close to you as possible, as often and as long as possible.”
Jon didn’t respond, he didn’t need to as the top of his briefs were pulled down and he felt relief from the pressure that had been building down there. Adrien closed his eyes afraid to see what Jon’s face would look like as he took him in.
Time seemed to stand still as he kept them closed, when he felt more curious than embarrassed he slowly pried open one eye to take Jon in. Only Jon’s face wasn’t where he was expecting it. So, he didn’t see Jon before his mouth was on him and Adrien’s whole body spasmed in pleasure.
Finally freeing him from the negative thoughts that plagued his mind.