Chapter Text
Beca tilted her head up at the lights, illuminating the houses around her, as they walked down the street in the chill of the night. Her nose was cold as ice, and the only thing keeping her warm was Aubrey's hand firmly clamped in her own. She looked at her, seeing the thrum of color reflecting in her hazel eyes, and the way her mouth was opened slightly in wonder. Beca didn’t enjoy being outside in the cold — it made her hands ache and her muscles stiff — but with Aubrey, it was bearable for a time. Mostly because Beca thought she was beautiful in the warm glow of the Christmas lights and snow, and she did what Aubrey asked of her. “Are you having fun?”
“Yeah,” Beca sighed, blowing warm air into her closed fist.
“Are you?” Aubrey asked, her tone shifting away from playful to slightly worried.
“Of course, it’s just a little cold,”
“Here,” Aubrey unwrapped her scarf from her own neck and looped it around Beca's.
"Thanks," Beca smiled, gratefully. Aubrey looked at her and grinned, glancing at a completely decorated balcony at the house two houses down the street from where they walked.
"Come on," Aubrey tugged her hand, and led her in a light jog in that direction.
"What are you doing?"" Beca asked suspiciously, feeling her mouth curve into a smile as she followed. They stopped in front of the metal ladder leading up to the balcony — a private balcony — and Beca watched Aubrey begin to climb. "Babe! What are you doing?" she hissed.
"Don't be a chicken, come on,"
"Dude, this is someone's house," Aubrey kept climbing and Beca sighed, shaking her head at thoughts of being arrested (again). Aubrey stood at the railing, and looked at Beca, with a teasing and knowing smile.
“See? Isn’t it better than walking around? You can see it all up here.”
“Yeah,” Beca nodded and looked over the houses lining the street. Suddenly, a wave of sadness fell over her face. It was her ninth Christmas without her mother, and each year that passed was just as hard as the one before. She could hardly believe that it had almost been ten years, yet the grief was still there in inconsistent waves and bursts.
“Hey!” A woman's voice yelled from behind the window she and Aubrey stood in front of. “Get out of here! I’m calling the police!” Beca turned around to see a woman clad in a Mrs. Claus role playing outfit, and a man in a reindeer costume, her jaw dropped and the woman began to open the window when Aubrey grabbed her arm again.
“Come on!” She clambered down the ladder as fast as she could, hearing the front door behind them opening, they both ran in no particular direction until the voices behind them were inaudible. Beca panted as they approached an alley, she leaned her back against the brick, and Aubrey leaned on the wall with both her arms on either side of Beca’s head.
"I love you,"
"I love you too," Aubrey leaned her mouth down to kiss her, but she hovered over Beca's mouth — their lips barely brushing — and she whispered: "Come home with me for Christmas." Beca barely had time to register anything with the way Aubrey's body fell against her own. Aubrey's touch felt charged, and her lips were aggressive, and Beca was so swept up in the dominance Aubrey had over her, over everything, that she forgot to breathe.
"What?" Beca asked, after their kiss broke apart. Aubrey leaned her head on Beca's, and nuzzled her nose against hers.
"I don't like you being alone for Christmas," Aubrey said with a pout, "Come home with me?"
"And meet your parents?" Beca asked, still dazed from the adrenaline Aubrey gives her. Aubrey nodded, and bit her lip, and Beca looked at the way her forehead creased with wrinkles and her eyes shone with vulnerability. She couldn't say no.
"Yeah, okay," Beca whispered back. Aubrey squealed and kissed her with such ferocity that Beca could only grasp the back of her jacket — as they stood huddled in a partially lit alley.
Beca woke to sunlight bouncing off the three white walls of Aubrey's loft. Aubrey slept soundly on Beca's bare chest, and Beca looked down at her — seeing no signs of worry like she did when she was awake. She appeared so peaceful, in the midst of the loud and chaotic noises coming from the streets below. Beca raised her hand to the ceiling, feeling the sharp chill of the morning, and then the soft warmth of the sun she craved so much. It always felt so distant, especially now in the winter.
Beca decided to not spend too long in bed, she carefully extracted her shoulder from under Aubrey's head and padded down to the kitchen — clad in fuzzy, light blue socks, and a long sleeve tee that smelled like Aubrey's shampoo. She and Aubrey hadn't had been together for a year (ten and a half months, if she didn't include the time before they'd made it official), and a buzz of excitement rang under her skin at the thought of meeting her girlfriend's parents. It was strange that she hadn’t met them sooner, Beca always got along very well with other people's parents, it was something she was just good at. It couldn't go in any other direction, except the right one.
Beca filled the kettle and set it to boil, as she leaned against the counter to stare at a picture of Aubrey's family. She usually had very little to say, her oldest sister had a family, and the second oldest was "very eccentric," no other explanations were offered. No anecdotes, no childhood memories — though to be fair, Beca hadn't shared much about her own family either.
Beca thought about going home with Aubrey, as she ate a banana, and how this Christmas would be different, but after too long, the smell of hospital antiseptics and the images of dying daffodils filled her senses. She swallowed thickly, and set her banana down on a cutting board — unable to finish it. The kettle began to whistle and Beca pulled out a box of Peppermint tea. "Beca?" she heard Aubrey calling from her room. Beca poured water over two tea bags, as she watched Aubrey descend the spiral stairs that led up to the loft. "There you are,"
"Here I am," Beca said, somewhat sarcastically.
"What are you up to?"
"I don't know, I guess I just woke up excited,"
"You know how much I love peppermint tea," Aubrey groaned and Beca nodded with something of a smirk on her face. "Thank you," Aubrey wrapped her arms around her neck. Beca moved her face to kiss her, and Aubrey backed out and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Sorry, B, morning breath,"
"Ah, gotcha," Beca said, with a blush rising to her cheeks, "So, North Carolina, huh?" she asked in efforts to steer the morning in a better direction.
"What?" Aubrey's voice became tight and almost shocked, as if they hadn't talked about going to her hometown the night before.
"Your parents, they live in North Carolina don't they?" Aubrey nodded, wordlessly, "I'm kind of really excited, Aubs-"
"You don't have to come, if it, like, imposes on any plans you have…" Aubrey offered.
"It's totally not 'imposing on any plans,'" Beca mocked, trying to pull a laugh out of her girlfriend, but instead Aubrey shot her an awkward smile and raised eyebrows that didn't match her enthusiasm at all, "I mean… unless you don't want me to come?" Beca asked tentatively, hoping she wouldn't have to spend all her time doing not festive things, and not finding a family to participate with in festive things.
"Of course, I want you to come…" Aubrey left the end of her sentence trailing, as if she'd say more, but instead she said nothing else. She offered a small smile,and Beca nodded.
"Okay, I'll make sure to stop by mine and pack a bag then."
"Wow, her parents? Big steps, Becs." Benji commented, flatly, and Beca watched him stare intently at his phone. He never looked up, to meet her eyes, he was always generally distracted, but never dismissive.
"Okay, dude, what are you doing?"
"I left a person in my apartment, and I'm making sure they leave." Beca chuckled and tilted her head in amusement.
"What do you mean? Did you set up cameras in our apartment, or something?" She took a long drink from her coffee cup.
"No, I'm tracking them," Benji replied, so nonchalantly that he could've been listing off their grocery list — and when she thought about what he'd actually said, she opened her eyes wide and swallowed hard.
"You're tracking them?"
"Hey, you know what?" Benji still had not looked at her, "If the NSA can do it, so can I,"
"Fair point,"
"And you never seem to mind when I come get you from bars when you drunk text me-"
"That's how you find me?" She exclaimed.
"And they're gone!" He whisper-yelled victoriously, finally, he set his phone face down on the table and looked at her with a cheerful smile. He was met with a mixture of horror, and blatant fear, but he clicked his tongue and shook his head at her, "I feel judgement from you, and I feel your assessments on my character, so you can pay for your own coffee,"
"I'm paying for yours too?" Benji sipped slowly on his iced coffee and nodded.
"Thank you for that, by the way,"
As they left, Benji briefed her on all the things that could possibly go wrong if she met Aubrey's parents (as if she hadn't already been thinking about them). "What if they're homophobic, Beca?"
"Well, that can't be right, she told them and they're fine," Beca nodded, recalling Aubrey's adorable excitement that day.
"Okay, but what if they're not 'hate-crime homophobic,' but they're 'don't-ask-don't-tell homophobic?'"
"I don't know, man," Beca grumbled, and picked at her cuticles, "I just want them to like me,"
"You're acting as if they have to like you for you to date Aubrey, which is, like, feeding the patriarchy," Benji came to a half stop, slowing down for a moment.
"Okay, there is nothing wrong with wanting a little acceptance from the people who made your person."
"Why should it matter?"
"What if she decides I'm not good enough?" Beca couldn't look in his direction. Instead, she kept her eyes on the always-moving crowd before them.
"Why do you need validation from people you don't know?” She didn't answer, instead, she locked eyes with her destination and turned into the door.
"Hi, how can I help you?"
"I have an appointment,"
"What's the name?" Beca could hear Benji beside her asking questions.
"Beca Mitchell,"
"Okay, great! Someone will be down to show you the space," The woman behind the desk smiled and Beca stood close to the bench across the room.
"Beca, are you moving out and not telling me?" Benji gasped.
"Okay, I'm literally just looking,"
"You're gonna ask her to move in!"
"Benji, we're inside, inside voices — please." Beca internally rolled her eyes at herself for using "inside voices."
"Okay, but seriously, yes or no?"
"Yes, yes, okay?"
"Thank you," Beca rolled her eyes and looked toward the real estate agent approaching them with a large and shiny smile. The kind that screams "I Love Teeth Cleanings And Dental Floss."
"Hi, Beca Mitchell?"
"Yeah, we spoke on the phone,"
"Anderson, nice to meet you," He shook her hand and glanced at Benji, with the same unmoving smile. "You must be her boyfriend,"
"Yikes," Beca muttered through a shiny smile, to mirror the realtors.
Beca loaded her suitcase into the back of Aubrey's car. Aubrey was quiet for most of the morning, but Beca chalked it up to nerves from going back home (and introducing Beca as her girlfriend). The both of them got into the car, and started driving, it hadn't been long — almost forty minutes — but it was still a long, silence-filled ride. Beca always associated that silence with anger. Was Aubrey angry that she was coming? Had she changed her mind and decided Beca shouldn't come? When she thought about it, Aubrey hadn't seemed as eager as when she asked. Beca shook her head, and looked at Aubrey, who's knuckles were tightly wrapped around the steering wheel. "I'm really good with parents,"
"What?" Aubrey jumped slightly, Beca grimaced at how she blurted out after more than thirty minutes of a quiet drive.
"If that's what you're worried about," Beca offered, "I'm good with parents, I usually get along with them pretty well. They always like me."
"I'm not worried about that," her laugh sounded uncomfortable, and anxious, and Beca wasn't convinced that she wasn't nervous.
"Bullshit," Beca chuckled, "It'll be fine, trust me, I'll have them eating out of the palm of my hand, they'll love me so much, Aubs." Before she could finish her sentence, Aubrey was pulling over to the side of the road — the gravel crunched under the tires, and the brakes of the car groaned slightly.
"Okay, so, there's something I have to tell you,"
"Okay…" Beca hesitated, turning her body to rest awkwardly against the car door so she could face Aubrey.
"Remember when I told my parents, and it went so well?" her voice hitched up, and Beca's stomach coiled, it didn't sound like it went "so well."
"Yeah, why?"
"Well, it…" Aubrey filled her cheeks with air and let it out, her lips making a motorboat sound. "It… didn't?" Beca swallowed, feeling more uneasy by the second. Aubrey could not be telling her that her parents were homophobic.
"It didn't go well? They didn't approve or whatever?" Aubrey shook her head with a tight smile, the kind she used when she had to cancel plans. The kind she used to politely ask Beca how long she was staying at her apartment, but really she was asking when she was leaving.
"No…" Aubrey closed her eyes, and her hands flew over her face, she began to talk through her hands, but Beca couldn't understand a single word she was saying.
"Babe, what are you saying?"
"I…" Aubrey put her hands down, her cheeks were flushed, and she gnawed her lip nervously. Beca was unsure of what she could do to comfort her — after seeing the fear in Aubrey's eyes she began to worry. "I didn't tell them."
"About us?"
"About anything." Beca nodded at nothing. Her head bobbed, and her head swam, was she just going to tell them when they walked through the door? What were they going to say? "Hey, mom, dad, this is my girlfriend Beca, please wait to be homophobic until after Christmas, thanks." That wouldn't work. She was hit with nausea, and she could feel a bead of sweat dripping down her neck (she wasn't even sure if it was from the vent blowing hot air at her, or the bombshell Aubrey dropped). "Say something, Beca…" Aubrey pleaded.
"So," she rasped, and cleared her throat, "When you say it didn't, you really mean it didn't?" Aubrey nodded, "Can I ask why?"
"My dad… he's running for mayor, and when I was gonna do it, he told us that he was running, and…" Aubrey shook her head, "It didn't seem like a good time."
"Okay," Beca sighed, and put her head in her hands, "I gotta- I- should I go home?"
"No!" Aubrey reassured, but that didn't reassure Beca at all, "No, it'll just be a little hard,"
"Yeah, no shit." Beca turned her body forward, "And they don't know anything? At all?"
"No,"
"Well, shit, what are we gonna do?"
"I don't know,"
"Are you gonna tell them when we get there?"
"I don't know,"
"Then what-"
"Christ, Beca, I don't know," Aubrey snapped, "Look, we just have to wait and see, okay?" Beca just looked at her. Her face lost color, and her eyes had never looked more serious, either way Beca found it hard to agree to what she was asking her. "Please?"
Beca reminded herself to breathe, and she nodded, giving Aubrey the benefit of the doubt, trusting that she wouldn’t put them in a position that would compromise their relationship, "Okay," Beca agreed.
"Thank you," Aubrey pressed a sweet, chaste kiss to her lips. Beca watched her nervously, her eyes locked on the road and her mirrors, as she started the car and pulled off the side of the road again — taking the freeway to North Carolina.