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Chapter Text

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:45 am)

Kaeya

Kaaaaeeeyaaaaaa

KAEYA WAKE UP

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:48 am) 

Jesus Christ, Childe, WHAT?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:50 am)

(Sent an image)

Do u think zhong li will appreciate my dress

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:51 am)

 I... am actually amazed you took my suggestion to heart. I'm going to need bleach for my eyes.

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:52 am)

You SAID it was going to make him fall for me!!!! Ive already told you how desperate I am.

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:52 am)

Desperate, not whipped

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:53 am)

He is the finest of all gold, Kaeya. The greatest of all men. I will dress up like a fucking meteor if it means he'll look at me like how he looks at all his geology specimen

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:53 am)

Whipped

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:53 am)

What am I supposed to dooooooooo?????

he's so fine

and so hot

I don't care if I have a major in aquamarines, I want him to increase global warming so I can bask in his presence

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:53 am)

Childe, I love you and you are great, but it is 3 am and I have a really big test coming up tomorrow

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:54 am)

You can't possibly be serious

Does our friendship mean nothing to you????

You promised me youd be my wingman. You told me zhongli will love me by the end of the semester!!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:55 am)

Childe, you live right next door. We can talk about this on literally any other day

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:55 am)

But you dont understand!!! We have a time limit!!!

He'll be leaving in seven weeks. I cant let this opportunity slide!!

Plus if I do I'll be single. And lonely. And ruin your life stealing all your skewers because you have an addiction

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:55 am)

you do NOT touch my skewers

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:55 am)

You need to stop eating chicken-mushroom skewers

You will die of hypertension, Kaeya

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:56 am)

I don't care. If you touch my skewers, I will actually stop helping you

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:56 am)

No wait please!

Come back!

Kaeya??

Kaaeeeyaaaaaa

Kaeya, if you don't respond, I am going to walk over to your room

Kaeya.

You asshole, I'm coming over

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:05 pm)

Kaeya

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:10 pm)

What?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:11 pm)

I've done fucked up

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:11 pm)

So... nothing new then?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:11 pm)

No, I usually fuck up in small segments. This is a monumental one

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:12 pm)

Childe what did you do

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:11 pm)

So I told you that zhongli has extravagant tastes, right?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:12 pm)

Yes, you said this man once blew 1k on buying a rock

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:12 pm)

yeah about that...

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:12 pm)

Please tell me you didn't become his sugar daddy

You are in student debt, you do NOT become a sugar daddy

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:12 pm)

WtF NO

Im not as rich as you okay??? What the fuck do you even work as???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:13 pm)

Sometimes, child, one must keep their identity in the folds

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:13 pm)

Okay drug dealer keep your secrets

But, you see, I was talking to this really nice senior earlier whos really good friends with him right

And they said he was taking a wine-tasting class this semester...

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:14 pm)

You did not

Childe, please tell me you did not

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:14 pm)

I did

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:15 pm)

I do not know whether to laugh or cry at your dumbassery

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:15 pm)

I am the thirstiest man alive

But I cant do this alone

Please kaeya join this class with me

I cant face golden-eyed prince like this

I NEED YOUR HELP

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:16 pm)

There are things I'd do for you, Childe, but there are times where I must draw the line

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:17 pm)

You are on a full SCHOLARSHIP

You can literally go to whatever class you want and it wont cost you a cent

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:17 pm)

Yes, but my scholarship is for proper education. I am not wasting my life in a wine-tasting class

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:17 pm)

Well youre gonna want to reconsider

Because remember of that one video I took of you at that party??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:18 pm)

I don't care what video you pull up. You will not budge me on this

What's the class code

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:56 am)

two o clock

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:56 am)

oh my

I take back my insults at your questionable tastes. He is actually a good one

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:56 am)

RIGHT??? I told you: fine as old wine

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:56 am)

But what's he doing in a three-piece suit?

Does he have an interview or something?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:57 am)

Oh no thats just how he dresses

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:57 am)

So he wears a three-piece suit

...in a 130-degree weather??

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:57 am)

cant feel heat if you are the heat

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:58 am)

Jesus, so you're in love with a rich boy

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:58 am)

gotta break the trend

dated too many poor people in my lifetime

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:59 am)

He's coming up to you

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:59 am)

FUCK HIDE ME

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:59 am)

Can't. You signed up for this

I'm going to smoothly introduce you to him and you need to stop acting like a duck and pull out playboy Childe. Capiche?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:59 am)

YOU are the only playboy between us

You low v-neck shirt wearer

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:59 am)

What can I say? It drives the girls wild

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:59 am)

FUCKkck HES HEReerewf

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:45 am)

This class is unbelievably boring

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:46 am)

Oh come on, its not that bad

At least we get to taste wine later on in the semester, right? They say the prof has a huge winery somewhere near the campus

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:46 am)

It's been fifteen minutes. He's still on the topic of grapes

How is it humanly possible to talk about grapes that long?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:46 am)

Oh, please, it's a wine-tasting class. What did you expect it was going to be about?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:55 am)

...Who the fuck is that

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:55 am)

Cant you see Im trying to woo my future husband. He finally responded to some of my questions!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:56 am)

Childe, if you don't tell me who's that hot redhead that just walked in the class, I will KILL you

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:56 am)

Oh him?? Hes the prof's son. Did you not check the TA list?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:56 am)

Jesus christ

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:57 am)

Whats wrong kaeya??

He 2 hot 4 u?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:57 am)

Yes, too hot for me. Holy shit

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:57 am)

Wait are you serious??

I thought you were done with dating redheads

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:58 am)

His voice is as hot as his face. WHAT THE HELL

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:58 am)

You right. Its kind of like honey. But he cant beat Zhongli's deep rumble

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:59 am)

Hes talking about grapes as well

Jesus you can't be that hot and talk about grapes 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:59 am)

ooooo someones getting some goods tonight

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:59 am)

You have to shoot your shot sometimes

I'm going up to him

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:59 am)

lmao good luck

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:06 pm)

Does it hurt, Mr Krabs?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:07 pm)

Shut up

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:07 pm)

Lmao that was BRUTAL

He straight up roasted you. "Pirate-wannabe bastard", putting that in my books

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:07 pm)

Its not my fault I wear an eyepatch okay?

Which dumbass you think kicked me down the stairs and had my eye bruised

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:08 pm)

Okay listen that was months ago. The bruise should've healed by now

And besides, wine-tasting class wasnt that bad right??? I got my eyes on a man, you got your eyes on a really hot redhead...

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:08 pm)

He looks like the kind to cry in bed

He probably does

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:08 pm)

But thats your type isnt it??

Youd want to make him cry, you sick bastard

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:09 pm)

You're not wrong. I'd make him bend over and make him sob my name

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:10 pm)

WOAH WOAH okay DONT tell me more. I dont want to hear about your weird kinks

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:09 pm)

I'm just in a rut okay. Haven't got my eyes on another person for quite a while

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:10 pm)

yeah, yeah, and you want to sleep it off. Typical playboy

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:10 pm)

Oh come on, I'm not that much of a heartbreaker

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:10 pm)

Remember that girl that was crying outside my door

Or that guy who was begging in the middle of that campus for "kaeya to come back to him"

Or that other guy who begged me to give him your contact number because, apparently, a certain shitty pirate didnt give his 'boyfriend' his number

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:11 pm)

Okay, that last one was a misunderstanding. It was a one-night-stand

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:11 pm)

Apparently good enough that he thought you were his boyfriend

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:11 pm)

I'm sorry you're a virgin

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:11 pm)

Hey, what does it matter?

Zhongli is a gentle soul and Im sure he'll handle me with care

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:11 pm)

He has a fine ass, though

If he has an ass that fine, he probably has enough to rail you for days

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:12 pm)

Jesus how do you know this???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:12 pm)

Experience

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.06 am)

Holyshitholyshitholyshit

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 am)

Got railed yet?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.06 am)

no even better. I bumped into Zhongli earlier and we went out to eat lunch

he started talking about meteors and how beautiful they can be and how its material can be used to make so much things

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 am)

And?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.07 am)

thats it

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:07 am)

...so all you did was go out on lunch with him

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.07 am)

Dont you GET IT??? We are filled with love. Driven by passion. I can listen to him talk about the descent of the renaissance and Id still be gay for him

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:08 am)

I'm amazed at your stupidity

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.08 am)

Im sorry, mr salty, its not my fault your redhead rejected you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:08 am)

Okay, that was a low blow

But speaking of redheads, I'm going to his office hours right now

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.09 am)

Holy shit youre actually trying????

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 am)

What's wrong with trying?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.09 am)

Kaeya... honey...

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 am)

Spit it out

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.10 am)

its just... wow... youre a new man...

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 am)

I have wooed people before, might I remind you

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.10 am)

yeah... but youre putting in effort...

thats like telling me I dont have student debt

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 am)

I am leaving you. Find a new roommate

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11.10 am)

Kaeya noooooooooo

coome baaaaack

...can you at least convince zhongli to stay with me?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:06 pm)

Childe, am I not hot enough

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:06 pm)

Finally some self awareness

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:06 pm)

What am I doing wrong?? Am I not being flirty enough? Not wearing a shirt sexy enough?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:06 pm)

I dont know if the stuff you wear can be considered clothes

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:06 pm)

What am I supposed to do

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:07 pm)

Hey, youre supposed to be advising me. Im trying to get some game here!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:07 pm)

Yes, but you and zhongli are probably fine. Me and redhead? Not that fine

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:07 pm)

I am very pleased to know you have some faith in me

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:07 pm)

Jesus and he's unbelievably sexy when he rejects me, too. 'I will not tolerate this insolence, Mr. Kaeya.' He's definitely into power play

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:07 pm)

Lmao do you even have a name to the face?? Calling him redhead seems a bit derogatory

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:08 pm)

Diluc

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:08 pm)

Ah yes diluc. Despite having the phrase 'luc' in his name, he'll never actually look at you, will he?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:08 pm)

Can you not. I'm already festering in pain as it is

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:09 pm)

okok jokes aside, what do I wear tomorrow?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:09 pm)

What's the occasion?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:09 pm)

Zhongli agreed to me meeting him in a cafe to talk about his studies. He wants to talk more about meteors

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:09 pm)

Can you actually focus on a subject that long?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:10 pm)

If its zhongli??? Anything. I will gladly listen to his voice for eons and Id still never get bored of him

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:11 pm)

W

H

I

P

P

E

D

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:12 pm)

okay settle down cowboy. Youre equally whipped

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:12 pm)

I am not

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:12 pm)

oh hell yeah you are. You usually give up after 1 try. Youve gone to this man twice now

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:12 pm)

Listen, he's hot as hell. I'm probably never going to see a guy top his looks. I need to hit it before I quit it, okay?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:12 pm)

Lmao okay whatever you say

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:12 pm)

I will get over him when I sleep with him

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:13 pm)

Lmao sure

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:05 am)

Can you stop looking like that for 5 seconds

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:05 am)

Like what?? 

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:05 am)

Like you're about to vomit rainbows every time Zhongli talks to you and all you want to do is die

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:05 am)

Wait how do you know this???

Are you in the cafe

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:05 am)

Look behind you

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:05 am)

what the FUCK kaeya

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 am)

I'm here to give you advice okay. Don't you want my help?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 am)

Wipe that smug ass grin off your face, this was supposed to be a PRIVATE date

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 am)

Doesn't look like Zhongli thinks its a private date

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 am)

He'll come around. And stop looking here!!!! Hes going to suspect something

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:07 am)

Order the most expensive tiramisu cake. He looks like the kind to enjoy that kind of stuff

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 am) 

I cant believe Im taking advice from a shady ass drug dealer

Okay i know im not supposed to be on my phone during a good date, but i have to instill panic in you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:36 am)

Why? You're doing quite fine. Try and brush your hand against his and gauge his reaction

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:36 am)

Its not about me kaeya, its about you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:37 am)

What do you mean?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:37 am)

three o clock

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:37 am)

...I hate my life so much right now

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:28 pm)

ohhhh buddy that was the most awkward Ive ever seen you be

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:28 pm)

Can't you leave me to die in peace?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:28 pm)

'Oh, uh, Diluc, fancy meeting you here!'

I was fucking crying lmao

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:28 pm)

Yes, and he gave me the most scathing glare

I really am not sexy enough

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:29 pm)

my only concern is that zhongli was so suspicious that you were even in the area

he even asked me if you had been there the whole time

You have put me in a perilous state with him mate

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:30 pm)

He never even looked at me. He just brushed me aside and walked to the counter

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:31 pm)

Aw, don't be sad sweetie. He probably was more into the counter than he was into you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:31 pm)

Hey at least I offered to pay for his food. He simply told me, 'No need. I can pay for myself.'

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:31 pm)

Hes from a filthy rich wine industry, Kaeya. Hes probably richer than you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:31 pm)

You wanna bet?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:31 pm)

All in, sucker

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:35 am)

AFSJIasjfasofhqoiiqhegioasdfjsao

JASJDJASODIWEoghaojfoiJOIASJFOIJSA

HHghhasfhoHHHHHHHHHHHH

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:38 am)

Well, good morning to you, too.

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:38 am)

I've seen the heavens

I've descended to nirvana

I will gladly die in peace now. Shove a spear into my heart

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:39 am)

And what is this about?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:40 am)

He smiled at me

like actually smiled. A small quirk, but he SMILED

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:40 am)

Did it look like a demonic creature?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:41 am)

He was so beautiful, kaeya. so beautiful. he actually had to suppress his smile after that. he even told me, 'You are a curious one, Tartaglia'

From him, thats probably a marriage confession

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:41 am)

Congratulations. When's the wedding?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:41 am)

Pending. I am going to double my wooing

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:42 am)

Want me to sponsor your roses?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:42 am)

Fuck yes please. I'm broke

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:42 am)

I did not think you'd actually take up that offer

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:42 am)

You know Im thirsty

Kaeya Albe-Rich (4:56 pm)

Well, Tartaglia, it looks like you're not the only one with a good day after all

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (4:56 pm)

ooooo whats the juice

Kaeya Albe-Rich (4:56 pm)

So remember that Diluc rejected me from purchasing his meal?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (4:56 pm)

Oh, yes, how could I forget. It's in my list of "the few times Kaeya Alberich gets rejected"

Kaeya Albe-Rich (4:57 pm)

Apparently, he felt bad about it. He told me, "I'm sorry, I was quite rude the other day. Let me make it up to you for it."

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (4:57 pm)

You didnt ask for sex did you

please tell me you didnt

we were doing SO well

Kaeya Albe-Rich (4:58 pm)

Of course I didnt. With someone that skitterish, you want to drag them in slowly

I asked for a meal he could purchase for me. I got myself a date

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (4:58 pm)

You cant see this right now, but I'm wiping a tear

My child has grown up so well

Kaeya Albe-Rich (4:59 pm)

You know I'm just trying to get in his pants, right?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (5:00 pm)

ohhhh kaeya, be careful what you wish for

he's gonna break your heart

Kaeya Albe-Rich (5:01 pm)

I don't have a heart

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (5:01 pm)

Yeah, cause Diluc stole it from you

youre fucked lmao

Kaeya Albe-Rich (5:02 pm)

I am not

Chapter Text

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 pm)

(Sent an image)

(Sent an image)

Sent an image)

Pick

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 pm)

who's this for??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 pm)

You. Now pick

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:07 pm)

WOAH WOAH WOAH, okay hold up

You're buying flowers...

...FOR ME???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:07 pm)

Yes? What's wrong with that?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:08 pm)

Oh my god, Kaeya

I-I didnt know you thought about me that way

Im... Im sorry but I cant return your feelings... Im in love with another man...

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 pm)

What on earth are you talking about

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:09 pm)

Wait so you don't have unrequited feelings towards me?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 pm)

Jesus christ NO

Roses for Zhongli. Ring any bells?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:09 pm)

OHHHH you were talking about thaaat

Hold on

You were actually serious??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 pm)

Yes, now pick, asshole. Do you want this to arrive on time or not?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:10 pm)

Arrive in time for what?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 pm)

...do you not know?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:10 pm)

Uh... no?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 pm)

Zhongli's birthday is next week

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:11 pm)

FUCK

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:11 pm)

Yes, fuck is right. Now, will you or will you not pick the flowers?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:11 pm)

WAIT FIRST OFF

HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS ZHONGLI'S BIRTHDAY NEXT WEEK

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:12 pm)

Uh, he told me when you weren't in class

We were talking about the relations between the earth and horoscopes or something and it just came up 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:12 pm)

You were talking with Zhongli about HOROSCOPES???

WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:13 pm)

How was I supposed to know it mattered?

And anyway, I thought he would've told you about his birthday. I thought you two were close enough for that

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:13 pm)

APPARENTLY NOT

oh my god this hurts

My own fucking wingman, trying to steal my husband

I cannot imagine the homewrecker you'd be when I actually get married

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:14 pm)

Relax, the only home I want to wreck is the one between Diluc's legs

Plus, your husband is too much of a stone for me to get attracted to. If anything, he's the opposite of my type

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:14 pm)

you do NOT insult my stone boyfriend like that

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:14 pm)

Well, I've got more from where that came from if you don't pick the flowers, Childe.

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:14 pm)

Alright, alright, give me a sec

Can I do the second one?? The yellow roses seem pretty nice and Im sure Zhongli will appreciate them

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:16 pm)

Consider it done. And remember to at least get a present to go with this

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:17 pm)

Yessir

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:17 pm)

Just a protip. If you're going to get Zhongli a gift, make sure it has something to do with an earring

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:17 pm)

Why?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:17 pm)

Mm, I don't know. A little bird once told me

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:18 pm)

...Zhongli told you he wanted a new earring, didnt he

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:18 pm)

I guess you could say that

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:18 pm)

You fucking HOMEWRECKER

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:18 pm)

Oh please. You should've seen this coming.

I'm Mondstadt-U's most notorious playboy, remember?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:18 pm)

Your skewers are dead, Kaeya

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:19 pm)

You would never

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:01 am)

(Sent an image)

Looks good?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:01 am)

Oh daaaaaaamn that's actually good

Diluc's gonna drop dead at that turtleneck. Wowie, it was a good investment indeed

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:02 am)

Oh, please. You're inflating my ego as it is

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:02 am)

Bro you already have an inflated ego

But anyway, I think this is the first time Ive ever seen you NOT wearing a V-neck shirt

Being domesticated already, eh?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:03 am)

Whatever do you mean?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:04 am)

Oh I dont know... breaking your trend of never going back more than once to a person... making you wear conservative clothing instead of your stripper-worthy wardrobe...

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:04 am)

You are reading way too much into this

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:05 am)

Am I?

Or is it just the taming of the Alberich beast that's being overlooked here?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:05 am)

Look. I am going into this date confident. I am going to sweep this man off his feet. And then we are going to have slow and tormentful sex tonight so that all you can hear are our voices

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:05 am)

Please dont. I dont want to hear your voice moaning

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:06 am)

Believe me, I will do more than just moan

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:06 am)

Oh my god

My holy ears

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:07 am)

Not as holy as me worshipping Diluc's body

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:07 am)

Can you NOT

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:07 am)

Only if you come and get me

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:07 am)

You want to fucking bet?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:07 am)

Sure

Wait are you OUTSIDE MY DOOR?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 pm)

Just got back from a party. I dont hear any tormentful sex

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 pm)

Don't

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 pm)

ohhh buddy, what happened

Come on. You can tell big brother everything 

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:07 pm)

Oh my god

How is it possible that he up-ends ALL of my expectations for him?

This is not physically possible. I have done literally everything by the books.  

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:07 pm)

i am assuming flirty kaeya with a smirk?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:07 pm)

Yes. 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:07 pm)

Cocky as hell, making smartass comments every five minutes?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:08 pm)

Yes.

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:08 pm)

wow, I wonder why he hadnt dumped you sooner

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:08 pm)

What are you going off about? This is literally the perfect strategy

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:08 pm)

Okay, then tell me what happened

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:08 pm)

Okay so basically, I come in. He's hot as hell

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:08 pm)

great

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:08 pm)

I greet him and he gives me a derisive look. He guides me to a table and buys me a nice kebab that is, oddly enough, on the menu. He tells me, "You look like the kind who'd like this sort of thing."

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:09 pm)

well he's right on all accounts. He should meet your skewers

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 pm)

Yes, okay, but here's the thing. I flirt pretty aggressively on all fronts and he reacts pretty well to them. At least for half my comments, he blushes as red as his hair

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:09 pm)

U-huh. Sounds pretty smooth sailing so far

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 pm)

Right? Then lunch ends and I come up to him by the entrance. I tell him in the silkiest voice, "Thank you for the meal, Diluc." I tilt his head up by his chin 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:10 pm)

Okay...

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 pm)

And then he just pulls away and leaves. Like I wasn't trying to come in for a kiss

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:10 pm)

RIP LMAOOOOOO

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 pm)

Where did it go wrong? What have I done to deserve this?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:11 pm)

Kaeya, I 

i dont even know how to spell this out for you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:11 pm)

Just say it

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:11 pm)

Im pretty sure that constitutes as someone being 'not into you'

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:12 pm)

This is just not possible

He was clearly into me. He had the look, Childe. You dont just keep the look and not go through with what was expected

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:12 pm)

maybe hes playing hard to get?

You know, like how you do it

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:13 pm)

Childe, I am anything but hard to get

I am quite easy if you have everything I want

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:13 pm)

That is a goddamn lie and you know it

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:13 pm)

What am I supposed to do? He's denying all my advances

Should I forgo the turtleneck?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:13 pm)

Lmao idk. Maybe sit back? Let him wreck you?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:14 pm)

Childe, I am already being wrecked by this man. We haven't even gone into bed together yet and I want to so viciously make him cry

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:14 pm)

Wow, I knew you were desperate, just not this desperate

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:14 pm)

You have no idea

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:14 pm)

I... you know what? I'll try my best and help you approach him, okay? Think of this as payment for that one time you helped me talk to Zhongli

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:14 pm)

If I can't approach Diluc, Tartaglia, what makes you think you can?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:15 pm)

You watch. He's going to be so friendly to me

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:15 pm)

Oh, I wouldn't count on it

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:06 pm)

What did I tell you?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:06 pm)

Holy shit you werent kidding 

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:06 pm)

"Mr. Tartaglia, if you have nothing important as of currently, please leave my office." 

That is probably the nicest way I have ever seen him state it

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:06 pm)

As if your entry was any better. Wtf was that?

"Hello, my darling, it's been a while." What kind of dumbass greets their crush like that???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:07 pm)

This kind of dumbass

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:07 pm)

But hes clearly into you though

He blushed so fast when he saw you. I had to actually double back and check if that was his hair or his face

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:07 pm)

He's absolutely adorable. I'm surprised I haven't pushed him down and made out with him right then and there

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:07 pm)

I was in the room.

You wouldn't.

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:08 pm)

Wouldn't I?

Then again, he probably wouldn't let me. Such a feline, that man

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:08 pm)

I am severely uncomfortable with your level of whipped-ness

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:08 pm)

Well, I might actually try my luck again and go back into the office. Are you going home?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:09 pm)

Mmmm I don't know about that. I also have a sweetheart to meet at 3. Probably won't be back till 8

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:08 pm)

So I'll buy takeout?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:09 pm)

Yes please! I want spicy noodles with fish

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:09 pm)

Wangsheng restaurant or Cat Tail's Tavern?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:09 pm)

Wangsheng. You know they love me

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:09 pm)

Perfect. Then I'll put this on your tab

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:09 pm)

Oh right, it's my turn

Yeah go wild

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:10 pm)

For a man who knows he's broke, you're clearly understating the importance of saving money

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:10 pm)

Hey, my major is going to propel me into the most lucrative job yet. I will have millions by the end of next year

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:10 pm)

Aiming to be a sugar daddy, I see

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (2:10 pm)

Only for Zhongli, babe

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:03 am)

So, real question

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:03 am)

It's 1 am, Childe, go to sleep

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:03 am)

Yes, yes, but real question

Do you think Zhongli is actually into me?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:04 am)

...where is this coming from?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:04 am)

I dont know... It's just something that came into my head suddenly

Maybe it's because of what you said a few days earlier, but it just got me thinking - is Zhongli into me or just being nice to me? Does he like me or is it just how he talks?

He didn't even tell me his birthday was coming up 

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:04 am)

I'm pretty sure it's because you didn't ask for it, Childe.

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:04 am)

Yeah, yeah, I know. But it still gets me thinking, you know? Maybe he's just nice to everyone like that and I'm no different. It's kind of sad, really

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:05 am)

And why are you thinking about this? 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:05 am)

I have no idea. 1am thoughts maybe? I'm not feeling too good at the moment

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:05 am)

Hm

You did meet up with him earlier. Did he say something nasty to you?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:05 am)

Oh, no, no. You know Zhongli. Impeccable, charming...

Argh, I don't know. I just don't know how to proceed from here on out.

I'm sorry for bothering you with this, Kaeya. I'll go to bed now

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:06 am)

Do you need me to come over, Childe? 

You don't sound too good

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:06 am)

No, I'm fine

Thanks anyway

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:06 am)

Childe, the last time you've thanked me, I've gotten you shitfaced drunk in a bar. This is highly out of character

Childe

Childe, are you okay?

Childe I am actually worried, can you respond

Open the door, Tartaglia. I have noodles and wine in my hand

I can hear you crying. Open. The door.

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 am)

Stop brooding

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 am)

Excuse me?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 am)

Stop brooding. Zhongli is starting to catch up on it. He might be dense, but even a kid from the back of the class can tell you're not in it

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:07 am)

Ah. Is it because of the eyebags?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:07 am)

No, it's because you look like you got slapped by a bag of bricks and stopped functioning. Get yourself together

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:07 am)

Im trying. It's getting a bit tough, though

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:07 am)

Listen. Remember that I told you that Zhongli is most definitely into you? Well he's showing that now. Can't you see how worried he looks?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:08 am)

Oh, you're right

But maybe he's just really nice?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:08 am)

Are you being serious right now

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:08 am)

Well I haven't seen him really react to me apart from being pleased and maybe comfortable

Kind of hard to gauge, don't you think?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 am)

Oh so you want solid proof, is that it?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:09 am)

Maybe??? But I wouldnt know how to go about that

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 am)

Say no more

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:09 am)

Kaeya?

Kaeya why are you standing up?

Kaeya why are you coming to the front of the class

KAEYA HOLY SHskdjaoksjf

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:45 pm)

ARE YOU INSANE

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:45 pm)

That backfired a lot quicker than I thought

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:45 pm)

YOU CANT JUST

OH MY GOD

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:46 pm)

It was a little possessive peck on your cheek, Childe. It's nothing big

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:46 pm)

NOTHING BIG??? YOU DID IT IN FRONT OF ZHONGLI!! ARE YOU MAD???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:46 pm)

Well technically, Diluc walked in too, so I'm under hot fire right now as well

But no, I was not mad. In fact, I think that was the best thing I've ever done

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:47 pm)

Oh my GOD did you not see the horror on his face!? Or the sheer disappointment that flickered through it afterwards?!?!

Are you TRYING to get him to lose interest in me!?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:47 pm)

Quite the opposite. Think of this as stirring the pot a little. Adding a bit of spice to the dish

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:47 pm)

THIS is your idea of adding spice to a dish!? And what was that line, anyway!? "I'm sorry, my darling's been feeling under the weather recently. I'll be taking over from here on out."

You sound like a crappy rom-com lead!!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:48 pm)

Oh, but I got you your proof, didn't I?

Zhongli was staring at me like he was going to summon a meteor at my face. Clearly, he has jealousy issues

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:48 pm)

IN WHAT WORLD?? He was looking at me like I was an unattainable partner!! He'll never come to love me ever again!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:49 pm)

Patience, my love, it'll all work out

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:49 pm)

Oh my fucking god, I hate you

never speak to me again

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:50 pm)

Such cruel words

Why must the world always give me such bitter, ungrateful lovers?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:50 pm)

That's because you are a JACKASS, Alberich

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:50 pm)

Cruel, Tartaglia. Just cruel

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:50 pm)

PISS OFF

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:07 pm)

I might have actually planned for this fake dating a little too rashly

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:07 pm)

you MIGHT??? Zhongli's been avoiding me for days!!! I tried talking to him the other day and he just told me, 'I apologize, Tartaglia, I'm not in the mood at the moment.'

he might never speak to me again!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:07 pm)

Oh, don't worry. Clearly, he needs to grapple with the fact that he has romantic feelings for you

Besides, that's not the point. The point is, my darling's been avoiding me equally hard and I can't seem to catch him

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:07 pm)

Uh, OBVIOUSLY??? You kissed me in front of him and made him think you're equally taken!!

What did you think he was going to do??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:08 pm)

Get jealous over the sight maybe? Beg for my attention for the next couple of days?

But clearly life is too cruel. I am agonizing over my choices

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:08 pm)

Damn it, Kaeya, I might actually have to forcefully tie-down Zhongli and tell him we're not taken

The man's actually convinced I'm not single

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:09 pm)

Oh honey, this is only Phase One. When Zhongli finds out you are still available, he is going to give you such brutal sex you'll never think of me again

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:09 pm)

I was his friend, kaeya. his FRIEND

Ive now been degraded to ACQUAINTANCE

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:09 pm)

Based on what I saw in that classroom, I beg to differ

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:09 pm)

You are a bag of dicks, Alberich

I'm going to sulk. Don't come into my room

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:09 pm)

Wouldn't dream of it, darling

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:09 pm)

Fuck you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:02 am)

I am fairly certain a bunch of yellow roses just ended up on our front porch

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:02 pm)

Oh shit, Zhongli's flowers?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:02 am)

It's his birthday today. You going to pass it to him or not?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:02 pm)

Fuck I am not ready

We're not on the best terms right now, Kaeya. I don't even know if he wants to talk to me

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:03 am)

We've talked about this before and I will tell you again: suck it up and grow a pair

Don't you at least want to see him happy?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:03 pm)

Ugh GODDAMNIT

This is all your fault

If you hadn't kissed me on the cheek, he wouldn't be avoiding me like the plague right now

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:04 am)

Baby, you know I wouldn't hurt you

Besides, how bad could it be? You have flowers in your hands. I highly doubt he's going to dodge you now

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:04 pm)

you better be goddamn right, Alberich

I just want him to look at me again

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:04 am)

Look, I'll even pick your outfit out for today. I promise you Zhongli will be begging for you even before he sees the flowers

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:05 pm)

Jesus I just want to talk to him again. I don't even care if we just remain as just friends

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:05 am)

This is some next level sulking

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:05 pm)

And who's fault is that???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:05 am)

Yes, yes, it's my fault. Now are you going to come down or what?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:05 pm)

...I'll be down in 5

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:06 am)

Perfect. Your breakfast is on the table

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:06 pm)

It better not be spiked this time

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:06 am) :

With the state you're in? I don't even have to

Kaeya Albe-Rich (2:05 pm)

Hello, Childe. How did the meetup go?

I'm guessing very smoothly given that you looked very suave today

Childe?

Childe hello

Childe, you have never taken more than 10 minutes to respond to my messages, where the fuck are you

Tartaglia

...Are you and Zhongli fucking in the janitor's closet????

Chapter Text

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:06 pm)

Do you need help walking?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:06 pm)

No why do you ask

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:06 pm)

Because you are limping towards the car and I cannot emphasise how funny you look when you waddle

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:07 pm)

Okay listen I am perfectly fine, alright?

Just a little tired

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:07 pm)

Why? Stone man railed you too hard?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:07 pm)

Okay we did not RAIL in that closet okay??? We just talked

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:08 pm)

And talking includes a lot of rattling and slamming?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:08 pm)

Listen, I know this will sound like a completely shitty excuse

But what really happened was that Zhongli wanted a private space to talk

So I brought him to the closet and he started going on this really long tangent about how love is as oblivious as a soaring meteor

He then confessed he couldn't handle seeing me with another man, so he wanted to keep his distance to seem professional

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:09 pm)

Wait...

So all you guys did was talk?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:09 pm)

Yes

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:09 pm)

Then why was there so much noise in the closet??

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:09 pm)

Cause I FELL OVER you idiot

I stumbled backwards from the shock and conked my head on a shelf. It tilted and fell down

If Zhongli hadnt caught the shelf in time, I would've been a frisbee by now

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:09 pm)

So... neither of you confessed your undying love?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:10 pm)

Uh

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:10 pm)

Tartaglia.

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:10 pm)

Listen, I can explain

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:10 pm)

I

Get in the car. Right now. 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:10 pm)

Promise you wont kill me

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:11 pm)

I will promise NOTHING until I hear this whole story and figure out how your blockhead is going to save yourself from this

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:11 pm)

Can I still live though

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:11 pm)

Get

In

The

Car

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:11 pm)

...damn

Can I still catch an uber?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 am)

why are you taking this harder than me?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 am)

Because, Childe, I expected at least one of us to benefit from the fake dating experience

Instead, we are both losers

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:06 am)

Well you still got a shot with Diluc, right??

We have class with him today

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:06 am)

And what am I supposed to tell him?

'Hey, my fake boyfriend's over there. Why don't we get dinner sometime this week?'

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:07 am)

Honestly, with your background

Id actually believe you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:07 am)

Well, clearly Diluc doesn't think the same way as you, does he?

Damn

At this point, I might as well throw in the towel 

I am never going to get this man

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:07 am)

OKay listen

Just because Im in the dumpster doesnt mean you should dump Diluc either

YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR SHOT

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:08 am)

I'VE ALREADY TAKEN MY SHOT

The office hours? The date? And the fake boyfriend for jealousy? Clearly this man isn't into me

At this point, I might as well say goodbye

I'm empty inside

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:08 am)

Okay, I told you to avoid getting your heart broken, not to lose it completely

Were you that into him??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 am)

I am quite upset to admit that yes. Yes, I was very into him

I will never find a man like that again

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:09 am)

Unbelievable

So we're both trash

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 am)

Say that again, but louder

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:09 am)

We're both trash

But anyways, what do we do now?

We're freshly heartbroken bachelors, hahaha

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:09 am)

Haha.

I don't know.

Wanna get shitfaced drunk? 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:10 am)

Where?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 am)

I don't know, how about that new bar downtown?

I heard a lot of good things from there. I've also heard that there was a hottie working behind the bar

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:10 am)

Hmm I dont feel like flirting around though. I just got my heart stomped on

On second thought, Zhongli just walked in

Sign me up

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:10 am)

Damn he isn't even looking at you

I'll foot the bill tonight

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:11 am)

Im going to be a crying drunk tonight

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:11 am)

Well, Diluc just walked in, so me too

I wish I had alcohol right now

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:11 am)

Im just going to sip on my Coke and pray Zhongli doesnt notice me

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:11 am)

Well I'm going to be telling my man upfront that I'm not even going to chase him anymore

God have mercy

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:12 am)

God is dead and we are his sacrifices

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:12 am)

You're right

See you in hell, Childe

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:12 am)

See you there, my good man

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:14 pm)

Booked a spot in the corner. Already on my fifth cup

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:14 pm)

Holy shit that fast??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:14 pm)

Did you not see the devastation on my man's face?

All I did was tell him, "I'm sorry, I'll stop chasing you from now on" and he looked at me like the sky was falling.

I will never erase that horror from my mind again

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:15 pm)

Wait did you say devastation???

Wouldnt that mean that Diluc was actually into you? 

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:15 pm)

Yes, Childe, but that doesn't matter in this context

What matters is that he thinks I'm dating you and thus we can never be together

This entire mess was a complete mistake

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:15 pm)

So what you're telling me is that if we didnt fake date

Then he would be head over heels for you??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:15 pm)

An apt observation, Sherlock

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:16 pm)

Dude, doesn't that mean you can still pursue him???

Just tell him you broke up with me or something

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:16 pm)

Childe

Do you honestly think a man of honour like him will dive straight for me after a breakup?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:16 pm)

Uhhh... love overcomes all obstacles???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:16 pm)

I cannot emphasise just how little braincells you have right now

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:16 pm)

Well looks like Mr. Salty is out. You are clearly mad about this

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:16 pm)

I am reaching the breaking point of Raging Kaeya, Childe, so if you're not here in five, I will rage by myself

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:16 pm)

Okay, okay I'm almost there. Got an extra glass for me?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (9:16 pm)

I've got ten lined up

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (9:16 pm)

Crying Childe will join you in less than 5

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:18 pm)

hahsdioeajrfskmc Kkkkaeeeeyaaaaaa

;;;;;Kaeyaaaaa woooooooooww sinnce wen was htere 2 of u???

ohmaaggaaaaaaaad

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:18 pm)

You do know I am sitting right across you

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:18 pm)

yyeahahs butt

Ommmggggg hoooww do u stay so chillalsdl dddiidnt u drnk liek 15 shots

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:19 pm)

I am upset to inform you that I have an extremely high alcohol tolerance

Blame it on my history with parties

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:19 pm)

I luved him ssso mcuh u kno???

Zhongggliii

Hhe told mee in thta closett

Tht he regreted not confesssdfing to em earlier

hhe

hhe told em he l0vedd me andd

aNd thaaaat he wished he e gott there soonerre

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:21 pm)

Why, Childe, you did not tell me anything about this part

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:21 pm)

wwhat can I ddo?????

hee told me to nn0t 2 tell u

he didnttt want u 2 kno that he wisheddd f0r 100000 meeteors hiit u

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:22 pm)

Oh my

Go on

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:22 pm)

Aannd i trrriedd 2 tel him htat we wre only faking it

bbut he wuldnt liisten

hhe just t0ld me '''in anotheeer time mybee,,, we cann luv each 0ther'''''''

I waaaantnttnt Zhongliii

Zhoooooooongngngliii

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:23 pm)

Well, this was informative

Alright time to go home, Childe. You've had enough

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:23 pm)

nnn0000oooo 

ZhhOOOONngggnliiiiii

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:23 pm)

Save your weeping, Tartaglia. I've had enough of it tonight.

Listen, I just want you to be a good boy here and wait for me

I'm going to go foot the bill. Can you do that?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:24 pm)

iifff im goodddd, wwwwilll i gget zhonngli?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:24 pm)

Yes you will get Zhongli

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:24 pm)

ookkaaaayayy.... zzhhoonnggngliiii illyyy

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:24 pm)

Dear god

What have I created?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:24 pm)

[[[;'];'.;'.//.' :)))))) Illloveeee hiiiMMMMmfsf

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:24 pm)

Yes, yes. Now wait here. I'll be right back.

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:31 pm)

Childe

My dearest drunk best friend, I have a favour to ask of you

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:31 pm)

,,,,,,][;l zzzhooonngglii??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:31 pm)

Close. But I have a favour to ask of you

Could you get yourself to the car yourself right now? I left the keys on the table, so you should be able to grab it and stumble your way to the vehicle

It's just outside the door

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:31 pm)

;;;;;fsdfds Ffor you, zh0ngli???? Aanythng

uuu waaiit....[[[[[[ Im g0ing 2 make u s0 prouDDD

Kaeya Albe-Rich (10:32 pm)

Good boy

I'll be out in a jiffy. Some business is holding me back, apparently

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (10:31 pm)

oo00kaay......

iimmm innn the ccaar zhonggglii

zzzhongggli??

zzzhhoongnggli r u thre?????

Zh0nnGli?

:,( Im soRry

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:05 pm)

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:05 pm)

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:06 pm)

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:06 pm)

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:06 pm)

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:07 pm)

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:07 pm)

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:15 pm)

(Missed call from Kaeya Albe-Rich. 11:32 pm)

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:32 pm)

Fuck

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:03 pm)

WHY IS THERE A PASSED OUT ZHONGLI ON MY BED

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:03 pm)

Good morning, asshole. How's the hangover?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:03 pm)

HELLO??? PASSED OUT ZHONGLI????

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:03 pm)

If you're wondering if I've spiked him, rest assured, I am too much of a gentleman to do so

But on a serious note, you really outdid yourself last night, Tartaglia

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:03 pm)

Oh god what did I do

I didnt sleep with him did I

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:04 pm)

No, but you did crawl all over the city, screaming from every pole you could find about how much you "loved Zhongli with all your heart"

At one point, you even clambered onto your favourite restaurant's rooftop screaming, "Zhongli I'm so sorry, I wanted to tell you I loved you and that Kaeya and I are absolutely not dating and I WANT TO DATE YOU SO BAD, PLEASE RETURN MY LOVE!!!!"

You then proceeded to fling yourself right off the roof 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:05 pm)

I WHAT?????????

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:05 pm)

Indeed

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:05 pm)

Wait then how am I alive right now?????

Did I drop on a mattress or something??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:05 pm)

If you could check your prior messages, Childe, you would've seen that I have desperately tried to call you multiple times

Since you weren't picking up, I decided to call the next best person 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:05 pm)

oh no

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:06 pm)

Oh yes

I must say, for a 1 minute call, Zhongli expressed far too many emotions for a stone to express

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:06 pm)

Oh my god but this explains nothing of how I survived

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:06 pm)

Patience, my love

Basically, after that call, he goes hunting all over town for you. He ends up finding, according to his words, "Childe on top of his restaurant's rooftop"

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:07 pm)

Wait

His restaurant????

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:07 pm)

Yes, Childe. Your boyfriend, apparently, is none other than the owner of your favourite filthy rich restaurant chain called Wangsheng. That would explain his extravagant wealth

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:08 pm)

WHAT

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:08 pm)

I know right?

But back to the story. You flung yourself off the roof and Zhongli shrieked over the phone and then threw it away. I almost got a heartattack

He comes back to me twenty minutes later telling me you're safe with a very ragged voice

He even deadpanned at me, "Thank god the roof was low."

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:09 pm)

Oh jesus christ

I'm assuming he carried me all the way back??

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:09 pm)

Technically we got home by car. But he never did let you go for the whole ride

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:09 pm)

oh my god

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:09 pm)

Oh my god is right

You should go ahead and thank him

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:09 pm)

Holy shit I will. Man, do we have any food left in the fridge?? I'll make something real quick and bring it up to him

Kaeya Albe-Rich (12:10 pm)

We have eggs and bacon

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (12:10 pm)

Jesus, good enough

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:05 pm)

Okay Zhongli is still dead to the world, but Ive got a real question for you now

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:05 pm)

And that is...?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:05 pm)

You usually dont leave your drunk friends to hobble to the car themselves. Why were you in the bar for so long???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:05 pm)

Ah

See, that's a complicated thing...

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:05 pm)

You mentioned rumours about a hottie behind the bar

It was Diluc, wasnt it

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:06 pm)

Well shit

Am I getting that obvious?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:06 pm)

In regards to Diluc? Always

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:06 pm)

Okay fine

Basically, Diluc wanted to ask me about your wretched cries about Zhongli. He was confused because he was certain we were dating

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:06 pm)

Is this where I think it is going

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:06 pm)

It would be, if it weren't for the fact that I realised you might be in danger rolling out there drunk

He basically asked me if we were dating and I told him for the thousandth time no, we were not dating. Like, what did he think I was doing trying to chase him around and tell him we weren't a thing???

But before he could answer, I threw money on the counter and ran out. I really thought you did something stupid since I've left you alone for too long

I was right

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:07 pm)

Damn. I'm the cockblock, arent I

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:07 pm)

Damn right you were

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:07 pm)

Oh shit Zhongli's stirring. Brb

We are SO talking about this in person later

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:07 pm)

Yeah, yeah. Make sure to make up with him first, dipshit

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:07 pm)

Only if you make up with yours

Kaeya Albe-Rich (1:07 pm)

Oh you know I will

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (1:08 pm)

FUCK hes hot

Kaeya Albe-Rich (5:07 pm)

Since I know your dumbass is probably cuddling with Zhongli in there or something, I'm just here to tell you I'm going out to get both of you dinner

Same order as last time

And make sure to USE PROTECTION

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:08 pm)

Heyyy Kaeya can you see Zhongli and I at the window???

We're waving at you!!! Heeyy!!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:09 pm)

I am amazed at how whipped you both look 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:09 pm)

And it's all thanks to you. We luv you, Kaeya!!! <3

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:09 pm)

This is unbelievably sappy, please stop

Did Zhongli just kiss you on the cheek???

Oh wow your face is red

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:09 pm): SHUT

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:10 pm)

I am so taking a video of this

Smile, sweetheart

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:10 pm)

Oh my god nO

WAIT WHY IS ZHONGLI SMILING AT THE CAMERA

YOU TRAITORS

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:11 pm)

Such an adorable photo. If this isn't in your wedding albums, I'm killing you

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:11 pm)

You wait, I'm going to get one of you and your future lover and you're both going to hate it

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:11 pm)

Oh please, you know that no matter what photo you get of us, I am going to adore it

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:12 pm)

Good evening, this is Zhongli typing. I would enjoy continuing this conversation, but I must bestow you a warning.

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:12 pm)

Well hello there, Mr. Zhongli. Is this some talk about how if I try and date Childe again, you'd throw a meteor at me?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:12 pm)

I do not know how you've obtained that information.

However, that is not the message I am trying to get across. Rather, I would like to warn you of that odd red-haired individual lingering in the corner. He has been there for quite a while.

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:13 pm)

Red-haired individual...?

Oh fucking hell

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:13 pm)

Oh my ;)))))

You go handle what you gotta handle, sweetie!!!!

Zhongli and I will be waiting here allll day

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:14 pm)

FML

I'll bring up dinner to you guys when I get this over with. I hope the noodles don't go cold

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:14 pm)

No worries lmao. This is probably more important

Kaeya Albe-Rich (6:14 pm)

Pray for me, Childe

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (6:14 pm)

No worries, my soul is with you.

Good luck!!

(Sent an image)

YOOOO I GOT A PHOTO OF YOU AND DILUC KISSING

YOU BETTER DAMN WELL PAY UP

Zhongli on the phone here again. I apologise for my boyfriend's nosiness. I'll bring him away from your private moment immediately.

THAT WAS A HELLA SWEET KISS KAEYA. THROW IN MORE TONGUE

Again, I am sorry for my boyfriend's nosiness.

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (3:04 am)

Kaeya

Kaeya, it is 3am

Zhongli and I are equally awake. We can hear you moaning from a mile away

Kaeya holy SHIT are you railing Diluc or is he railing you???? You are moaning way too much to be a top

Wait did I hear that right??? "I'll make sure you never think of Childe again." WHAT????? DOES DILUC STILL THINK WE'RE DATING???

Do you want to KINDLY inform Diluc of all the misinformation he's spreading?? We are NOT dating

Oh my god you are such a simp. Wtf did you just say?? 'God, no, I'll never look at Childe again. Only you, Diluc. Only- FUCK!'

WELL 'FUCK' IS RIGHT. STOP SPREADING MISINFORMATIOn. You have never looked at me once!!!!

It would be more accurate to say you are sexually attracted to skewers

Okay I am honestly worried for your voice. How hard is Diluc railing you? Is he using enough lubricant? Is he riding you to hell and back?? Knock the walls twice if he's being too violent

You knocked the wall three times KAEYA ARE YOU OKAY

KAEYA

Zhongli here again. I apologise once more for my boyfriend's nosiness. I will ensure that he will not intrude on your private moment again

KAEYA ZHONGLI IS MANHANDLING ME DOWN THE STAIRCASE HELP

HE'S BRINGING ME TO HIS HOUSE, THIS IS KIDNAPPING KAEYA

KAEYA HELP

NEVERMIND, havefunwithDiluc BYE!!!!!!! Dont break the walls!!

Zhongli here for the last time. I would like to thank you and Diluc for giving me the courage to be with my boyfriend. I would like to inform both of you that he is certainly in good hands.

WHAT He'S trying to say is he's about to rail me!!,! SO BYE GUYS I NEED YOU GUYS TO STOP COCKBLOCKING

NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11212312132

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:13 am)

Can you get bandages on the way back

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:13 am)

I'm sorry, did I hear that right???

BANDAGES????

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:13 am)

Did I stutter

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:14 am)

Did you guys maul each other or something??? How many rounds did you go???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:14 am)

I'll tell if you tell

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:14 am)

UH no its okay!!!

I'm good!!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:14 am)

I see you and Zhongli did the goods

How was your first time? 

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:15 am)

Very well, Mr. Alberich. If you could stop stealing my boyfriend's attention every so often, I'd be in a more favourable stance with you

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:15 am)

I see Mr. Stone has stolen your phone

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:16 am)

I can assure you I am not a stone. However, I will ensure that bandages will be delivered to your doorstep later if you could spare me at least a couple of hours with Tartaglia. I am already devoid of his attention as it is.

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:16 am)

Deal. And throw in some ice cream. I have a terrible sore throat

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:16 am)

Noted.

Oh my gOD my boyfriend is so NEEDY

I am sorry Kaeya!!!! I swear my boyfriend wont get in the way of our bromance!!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:17 am)

You better get off your phone before Zhongli ravages you, Childe. He sounds threatening as he is

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:17 am)

Oh please. Zhongli is the softest soul alive. Right Zhongli???

You cant see it but he's nodding slightly

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:17 am)

Right.

But anyways, be a little careful, alright sweetie? You know boyfriends can be so cunning. In fact, I think Diluc is already right here and he'snasdjwoenfowenafjskefnskdjvnk

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:19 am)

Kaeya?

Kaeya oh my god are you okay

Kaeya?????

Kaeya Albe-Rich (11:20 am)

(Sent a voice message)

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (11:21 am)

OH YEP YEP UHUH

GOT THE MESSAGE

HAVE FUN

Wait but what's that last line you said??? I heard my name andskssKOAFMAOSJFAOFJsdofjnse

Zhongli here. Once again, I apologise for my boyfriend.

Kaeya Albe-Rich (3:07 pm)

Diluc responding. I apologise for mine, too.

EXTRA

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:08 pm)

Childe WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

Your wedding ceremony is literally in 22 minutes you CANNOT leave Zhongli at the fucking altar

Just because you were late to my wedding ceremony doesnt mean you get to fucking 1-up that shit at your OWN WEDDING

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:15 pm)

FUCK IM HERE HIDE ME

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:15 pm)

What the fuck TOOK YOU SO LONG??? Did you not see the 10000 text messages from Diluc saying that Zhongli looks like a fucking mess because of how scared he is about you?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:15 pm)

Have some faith in me, Alberich!!! I love this man too fucking much to desert him on the damn stage

Besides, I've got a good damn reason as to why Im showing up late anyway!!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:16 pm)

Yeah? Well prove that shit to me then, asshole. Where are you?

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:16 pm)

Back alley. I chose that because I know Zhongli will be expecting me at the front entrance

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:16 pm)

Are you TRYING to scare the poor man? He's already terrified that you've gotten cold feet

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:16 pm)

THAT'S THE THING. He cant see me like this!!! Its a surprise!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:16 pm)

Oh no what did you do

I chose the damn white suit for you too

IT WAS ALREADY PERFECT

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:17 pm)

Well its my money!!! Remind me who's earning more between us???

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:17 pm)

Okay hotshot, just cause you became a millionaire in the span of a couple of years doesn't mean you get to rub it in my face like that

What the fuck did you do anyway? Let me see

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:18 pm)

I'm walking through the door. You can't see me?

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:18 pm)

I

Holy SHIT

Childe...

You madlad...

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:18 pm)

:)

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:18 pm)

I should've known. It's always the fucking dress

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:18 pm)

Hell yeah it is!!! I hope Zhongli likes it!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:19 pm)

Oh he's going to like it way more than you think

BTW good colour choice. The dress really brings out the colour in your eyes

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:19 pm)

Thank!!

Well, what are you waiting for???? I'm getting MARRIED!!!!!

Kaeya Albe-Rich (7:20 pm)

Damn right you are

Let's go

Childe Tarta-I'm-Done-With-Ya (7:21 pm)

Hell yeah baBYYYYY!!!!