Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s just another day.

Another day where Jungeun wakes up and laughs to herself before getting ready for school. She could say she’s pretty lucky in this life. Her suburb, though fairy small, is pretty accepting .She was nervous when her mom found her in her room watching lgbtq+ movies on Netflix. She remembers being nervous leaving the house in a flannel shirt and jeans for the first time. She remembers being nervous while holding her first girlfriend’s hand for the first time while walking home from the movies. But surprisingly, nothing bad happened. She wasn’t harassed and called a freak, she wasn’t attacked, and she certainly wasn’t kicked out. She could call herself lucky, and she’s certainly grateful.

What makes her laugh is the fact that out of the two schools in her area, her mom sends her to the private all-girl catholic school.

Her mom is weird, Jungeun thinks. She’s very accepting of her. Her dad disappeared from her life when she was quite young, and maybe that’s a part of the reason. Her mom works hard to make a decent life for the both of them. Most nights she tries to make it home so they can at least have dinner together. They have a close bond, Jungeun wouldn’t trade it for her life. However, her mom is religious. Though she and their church are accepting, Jungeun doesn’t really believe in a concrete higher power. It bores her to no end personally, but she respects if others believe in it. Still, she’s sent to catholic school and forced to listen to the nuns drone on and on about holy scripture. It could be worse.

And it does get worse. Slightly. Despite her miraculously positive experiences, there’s always something threatening to ruin her day. And that something just so happens to come in the form of the ultra conservative, super bitchy, ridiculously hot Jung Jinsol.

Isn’t dying your hair a sin? If so, that’s something she has on the other girl. Or Jinsol may be a natural blonde. Either way, she looks stunning and that bothers Jungeun to no end. Star student in their little academy, Jung Jinsol is what Jungeun would like to call a tryhard. She always answers the nun’s questions, she always helps out with running errands around the school, always promotes and runs fundraisers. And runs a Bible study. Oh, the Bible study.

Of course Jungeun hasn’t attended the damn (oops, sorry) Bible study. She knows she would fall asleep in two seconds and get scolded, so it’s best to use that time to go home and take a well-deserved nap. But Jinsol is persistent. Without fail, she’s there. Whether it’s outside of Jungeun’s locker right after PE, traveling to her lone corner during lunch, or materializing in front of her outside when it’s time to go home, Jinsol is standing there with her bible in hand and a frighteningly beautiful smile on her face. It started off as such:

“Hello Jungeun,” Jinsol starts, her soothing, husky voice always driving Jungeun up the wall. “How are you doing today?” Usually by now she gets fidgety, her fingers lightly tapping the book in her hands. She’s itching to ask the question, Jungeun almost laughs at how she tries to pace herself.
“I’m just fine.” Jungeun keeps her answers short and sweet, usually avoiding eye contact. She doesn’t quite hate the poor girl, but there’s nothing to her that screams ‘I wanna be your friend.’ Jinsol’s persistence, while it’s to be admired, is incredibly irritating. Jungeun would consider herself a goody-two shoes to some extent, sure, but Jinsol is that on steroids. That’s what Jungeun thought at first, anyways. She always looks up to see that unwavering smile, Jinsol standing like she’s made of stone. There’s always a slight pause, and then it comes.

“Would you like to come to Bible study at my house tonight at 7 pm?” It always sounds so damn (sorry again) formal. You’re asking about a lame bible study, not a date. Jungeun probably wouldn’t mind that, if there were different circumstances. There would be a pang of guilt in Jungeun’s just in these first couple instances at turning Jinsol down. The taller girl’s eyebrows would turn up and she almost looks like a big puppy.

“Sorry, I’m not interested.” Jungeun would muster up a small smile, and prompt exit the scene before it gets too awkward. She wouldn’t dare look back and see whatever disappointed expression lies on Jinsol’s face.

That was back then, anyways. Those were the less interesting days when Jinsol thought her junior was a good, well-behaved catholic girl like herself. Those were the days where Jungeun complied with the uniform policy. She remembers the day like it was yesterday, the day where she saw behind the mask Jung Jinsol crafted for herself.

It’s 7:55 am. Her first class of the day, English Literature Studies, starts at 8 am sharp. Jungeun could say she’s nervous. Though she’s a more introverted person, she definitely isn’t the meek girl people make her out to be. Ever since she started at the academy, she loathed the skirts they had to wear. The navy blue ties and blazer were her style, but that skirt had to go. So, she decided to be bold and acquire a navy blue pair of slacks. Before school, she sent a selfie to her best friend Kim Jiwoo, who has parents that didn’t send her openly gay self to a catholic school. After receiving excessive praise about how hot she looks and plenty of good luck from her best friend, Jungeun is all fired up and ready to go. She’s been receiving scandalized looks from passing students, she can already hear whispers swirling around. Oddly enough, they aren’t all bad. There are some students here who attend her church or or just have a very mellow, not harmful mindset on things. That’s always nice. With a sigh, Jungeun braces herself before entering the room.

As always, it’s mostly quiet. There’s a group of girls in the back, whispering to each other with their phones most likely hidden beneath their desks. Those towards the middle are waiting patiently, getting their notes ready. Always towards the front is Jinsol, nose to her Bible. How many times a day does she read that thing, Jungeun wonders. The nun sits at her desk, getting her lecture notes together as well. Once the door closes behind Jungeun, they all look up. And that’s where it begins. Shocked gasps sound throughout the room. Suddenly the girls in the back are less interested in their phones and more interested with Jungeun’s choice of clothing. Wordlessly, she goes to sit at her desk in the first row near the window.
“Jungeun, you know very well that there’s a policy in terms of your uniform.” Sister Elizabeth attends her church, too. The woman is one of the younger nuns, most likely in her mid 30s. Jungeun has spoken to her plenty of times at church, she’s kind enough. Sister Elizabeth has shown a pleasant sort of indifference towards Jungeun’s sexuality. She doesn’t care as long as Jungeun has good faith in the lord. Which she doesn’t, but she puts on a good enough front. Still, Sister Elizabeth has her job to do. And as much as they are in understanding of each other, it has to be like this.
“I’m aware, Sister. I’m simply wearing what’s more comfortable to me.” Jungeun hopes she sounds confident. The air is uncomfortably thick. She sees the struggle in the nun’s eyes, the fight to be lenient or do what she’s instructed to. She takes a brief moment to look around the room. Of course, the eyes remain on her. Being the center of attention is a new, foreign feeling to her. It’s strange. Her eyes dart from the girls in the back, to those in the middle, and then, her breath hitches. From her seat front and center of the classroom, Jung Jinsol is fuming. Those pretty features now appear new and foreign, too. Gone is the charming smile that usually adorns Jinsol’s face. It has been replaced with an agitated scowl. Those warm hazel eyes haven’t gone cold, surprisingly. They’re now burning with a different passion than what Jungeun usually sees. What comes next haunts Jungeun for the coming days, weeks, months.
“How dare you?” Jinsol’s usually calm and even tone is nothing short of a roar. It rings clearly through the room, startling the other students. Jungeun herself is stunned into a brief silence, eyes locked with this sudden predator. Jinsol’s outcry snaps their teacher out of her deep thought.
“Jinsol.” Her tone is warning, though gentle. Jinsol freezes, realizing that her perfect facade has been seen though. Jungeun watches how she builds it back up. She watches her take a deep breath, rolling her shoulders back before turning to Sister Elizabeth, hands clasped together on her desk, an apologetic smile worming its way on her face.
“I’m terribly sorry, Sister. I didn’t mean to cause such a scene.” Her tone is seemingly earnest, and that calms the atmosphere around them ever so slightly. Jungeun doesn’t miss the lethal side eye tossed her way from the blonde girl. Sister Elizabeth begins again with a sigh.
“Jungeun, go get changed. Please.” The exhaustion in the last word makes Jungeun cave, feeling bad for her teacher. With a sigh herself, she rises from her desk.
“You got it. Sorry for the interruption.” She’ll try again another day. Both she and Sister Elizabeth know this. Jungeun exits the room and heads for their locker room, where she fishes for the extra skirt she keeps in her gym locker.
Minutes later, all seems normal when she returns to the room. Those girls go back to chattering and being on their phones, though she can’t confirm or deny if she’s the topic of conversation. The others are studying, that’s that. What isn’t normal is Jinsol’s face not being buried in her book, but her gaze laser focused on Jungeun. Her face is stone, eyes blazing with the same passion she witnessed minutes before. Jungeun quickly shuffles to her desk. Finally, Sister Elizabeth can start their lesson. Any teachings of Shakespeare aren’t getting through to Jungeun’s mind, blocked by thoughts of burning hazel eyes.

That day threw Jungeun and Jinsol’s relationship in a different direction. Sure, Jinsol still comes and asks her to join the Bible study, as insistently as always. But it’s less polite and charming as it once was. It’s more like-
“Jungeun.” As she stands at her locker, Jinsol’s voice snaps Jungeun out of her reverie. Sure, it’s still husky and smooth as ever. But now, as Jungeun has noticed, there’s a passive aggressiveness in it. Like Jinsol is keeping her delivery just short of a hiss. But that charming smile stays on her face, though Jungeun is sure that there’s some venom in it. “Please attend my Bible study tomorrow at 7 pm.” Now, it feels a little harder to turn her down. Not because Jungeun feels bad, but because of how Jinsol will respond.
“I’m not interested, Jinsol.” This time, she looks her right in the eye. She sees the smile waver ever so slightly, threatening to show the scowl that she’s shown her once before. Jinsol pauses, taking a breath before speaking again.
“But Jungeun,” Her eyebrows do their thing again, tilting upward and making her somewhat adorable. Jungeun freezes as Jinsol moves closer. This is new. She feels her breath tickling her ear as Jinsol looms over her. “It would be a good experience for you.”
Jungeun can feel herself heating up, she knows her ears are getting red. It’s time for her to go into her study hall, and thank goodness Jinsol has a class at this time. She can’t bring herself to speak, simply stepping away from Jinsol and moving past her, trying to walk at an even pace. Don’t look back, don’t book back-
“Jungeun!” She looks back. Jinsol isn’t moving. Instead, she’s there with a mostly unreadable expression, a smile still plastered on her face, hands gripping the Bible for dear life.
“I’ll see you around.”

Chapter Text

Understandably, Sundays feel weird for Jungeun.

At 8, she wakes up and gets ready for church. Since she does attend the more progressive church of the area, she’s free to wear pants. Thank God, no pun intended. More often than not, she likes to wear the blue slacks she bought for her little school uniform stunt. She definitely doesn’t regret the purchase. Then, she eats whatever breakfast her mom whips up for the two of them and they’re on their way out the door.

Their service starts at 10 am sharp, but of course Jungeun’s mom likes to get there around 9:15. Her mom socializes with other members of the church, sharing recipes and gossip about the neighborhood. Sometimes she likes to get a good word in with the pastor too. That leaves Jungeun to sit alone in a pew, scrolling away on her phone to kill the time. As minutes pass, more and more people begin to filter in. There are some familiar faces from school that attend her church. Some students she shares a class or two with always give her a wave. Sister Elizabeth usually comes in looking fatigued. With the two little gremlins- sorry, angels that follow behind her, Jungeun understands why. Still, the nun always shoots her a warm smile and a wave on the way to her seat.

Today, her normal Sunday routine seems to be disrupted by long, flowing dark hair and high cheekbones.

“Jungeun, good morning!” Ha Sooyoung. Since when did she attend her church? She must have just joined. The older girl is her senior at her academy, same year as one Jung Jinsol. In fact, Jungeun knows for a fact that the two of them are acquainted. Well, that means that she’s seen the two talk in class at least three times. She hasn’t cared to look much more into it. This being said, she’s unsure why Sooyoung, who she’s exchanged maybe five words with, is talking to her. Well, she’ll find out soon.

“Good morning.” She hopes to sound as earnest as possible through her confusion. She gives her best charming smile to seal the deal. Seeing as they have about ten minutes until the service starts, Sooyoung decides to sit next to Jungeun for a second. Jungeun continues to mask her confusion, deciding to ask her burning question. “Are you new to this church?” She involuntarily tilts her head like a puppy. Or more like an owl. Sooyoung finds this cute, giggling softly before responding.

“I am,” Sooyoung’s soft smile reminds her of melted butter; smooth and warm. “My sister and I just moved a few days ago, we’re closer to this church than our old one.” Jungeun is pretty sure Jinsol attends the other church. Well, she has to- it’s the only other one in town. Though they live in a small suburb, it still is a decent size for what it is. Jungeun theorizes that Jinsol lives a good five minutes away from her, on the other side of the neighborhood. Wait, this isn’t about Jinsol, it’s about Sooyoung. The same Sooyoung who is staring at her with a patient smile.

“Oh uh- that’s pretty cool.” Nice one, Jungeun. “Well, I hope you enjoy it here.” She saves herself from the awkward blunder, smoothing her hair back as she looks at Sooyoung. Soon after, the older girl gets up, smoothing her skirt down.

“I’m going to go sit with my sister and get ready,” Sooyoung pauses as she looks up. She grins softly as she points behind the two, leading Jungeun to look at their mother and sister talking animatedly. “Looks like the two of them are hitting it off. I’ll see you later, Jungeun!” She gives the younger girl an endearing wave.

“See you later, Sooyoung.” Jungeun returns the wave, watching as the taller girl takes her leave. After their mothers are done having their rather loud conversation, Jungeun’s mom comes to sit next to her. With that, the service finally begins.

-

After church, Jungeun’s mother doesn’t really care what the girl does. She herself is usually out doing errands, which happens to be the case today. So, she figures she’ll hang out with Jiwoo. It’s only right seeing as Jiwoo blew her phone up with a dozen messages about how they haven’t seen each other in so long (four days) and how she wants to grab food and catch up (and probably tell Jungeun about whatever girl on tinder she’s been talking her ear off about. Just as she’s finished with changing into one of her many flannels (green ones are her favorites) and a pair of jeans, she hears an obnoxiously loud knock at the door. For some reason, Jiwoo is always much earlier than she’s supposed to be. At least Jungeun was able to get clothed this time. With a huff, she runs downstairs to fling open the front door.

“Hi- you’re not even ready, Jungie? Come on!” The ever-so-impatient Jiwoo whines, folding her arms. Jungeun glares up at her as she leans down, putting on her well-loved pair of black vans slip ons. She then straightens, making sure her shirt is in order before replying to her dear friend.

“It’s not my fault you show up two hours before you’re supposed to!” Jungeun exaggeradly puts her hands on her hips, sassing Jiwoo to the best of her ability. The latter girl lightly punches her arm in response. Well, a light punch from Jiwoo feels like a freight train running into your stomach. Masking the pain, Jungeun steps out into the cloudy sunday afternoon. “Come on, you nut.” She mumbles, rubbing her arm.

The two of them walk down the desolate suburb streets, talking about anything and everything. She learns that Jiwoo’s tinder girl is named Yves. Is she French? Maybe she’ll meet her one day, if all goes well with Jiwoo. Jungeun thinks it will, considering that Jiwoo sounds like she’s already planning a wedding. As they get closer to their destination, Jungeun’s mind wanders. Her ‘holy’ Sundays end right after service, but she knows that’s not the case for some people. She wonders what someone like Jinsol does on Sundays after church. Does she just go home and pray more? Or does she do what Jungeun does, go out and hang with a friend and forget about the morning entirely? Jungeun doubts that. Well, the latter half anyways. She’s sure Jinsol has friends she hangs out with outside of school. Right? Well maybe there’s Sooyoung. Sooyoung makes this morning hard to forget. Jungeun soon snaps out of her thoughts when she sees the flashing neon sign of Sandy’s Place, their local diner. Jungeun’s thoughts soon become consumed with her current state of hunger, as the smells of syrup and bacon waft through the air. Her and Jiwoo stuff themselves into a tattered booth, waiting to be served.

-

“So in the end they decided to give us all an A+!” Jiwoo’s story about someone fainting in her biology lab is quite riveting. Especially when Jungeun is trying to eat scrambled eggs with the image of a dissected frog swirling around in her brain. Jiwoo is slurping down her chocolate shake when she pauses, almost choking. She erupts into a coughing fit when Jungeun looks at her worriedly, hand stretching across the table.

“Are you alright?” Concern flashes in Jungeun’s eyes. Jiwoo puts a hand to her chest, closing her eyes and steadying her breathing. She then looks back to Jungeun like nothing happened.
‘
“I’m okay!” Jiwoo beams. Of course she does. “I just got drank too fast, that’s all.” While that may be true, Jungeun notices that Jiwoo’s eyes are focused in one direction. As she is not subtle, she happens to have a bit of a staring problem when she sees something she’s interested in. And what Jiwoo seems to be interested in is a girl with her back turned to them, scribbling her signature on her receipt as she’s cashing out. The girl tilts her head a little towards them as she hands it to the cashier. Wait, is that?

“Yves!” Jiwoo all but yells in this quiet little diner. Never mind Jiwoo’s lack of an inside voice. She catches the attention of this Yves, who lifts her head up, giving an absolutely radiant smile. Yves walks towards the pair, looking both surprised and elated at the same time. Elated at the sight of her possible love interest, and surprised at seeing her maybe girlfriend hanging with her new church buddy.

“Well hello, you two.” Yves, or better known as Sooyoung, greets the pair. Jungeun is looking at her like she has two heads. Jiwoo is looking at her like she wants to- anyways. Sooyoung laughs at the duo. “I’m assuming you’re all done with your food, we should take this outside.” Well, Jungeun isn’t inclined to say no. The two then move to get their check, Sooyoung trailing behind.

-

If you told Jungeun that she would be hanging out with Jiwoo and Ha Sooyoung near a creek that’s a stone’s throw away from their neighborhood, she would think you’re lying. She also wouldn’t believe that Sooyoung’s middle name is Yves, that’s the name she uses on tinder cause like likes to be mysterious, and that her and Jiwoo have been talking for quite some time. Oh, and she’s gay. That’s a big one. Well now Jungeun can see it quite clearly with the way that she and Jiwoo have been flirting with each other. It’s disgustingly cute. Jungeun’s eyebrows shoot up as she sees Sooyoung fish a blunt out of her handbag, sparking it up immediately.

“Wow.” Eloquent as always, Jungeun. Her lack of better words strikes again when she sees Sooyoung pass the blunt to Jiwoo, who takes it like a pro.

“Well it doesn’t say anything in the Bible about weed, now does it?” Fair point. Sooyoung continues.” Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies.” Jungeun goes red in the face at Sooyoung’s teasing, to which the latter laughs airily. “You’re almost like Jinsol when she first saw me smoke.” The surprise never ends for Jungeun. She closes her gaping mouth, now head now bursting with questions to ask. Sooyoung notices this change in demeanor, looking at Jungeun curiously.

“You’ve smoked in front of Jinsol?” Is what Jungeun decides to ask. Sooyoung nods sagely, taking a moment to smile at Jiwoo who is already high out of her mind. She has the blunt back in her hand, taking a hit before answering.

“I have. She wasn’t a big fan of it, you could guess.” She reaches in her purse again to grab a bottle of water. Taking a swig, she continues. “I can see you itching to know more. Yes she has friends, yes I’m one of them, yes she’s as uptight and into the Bible as you think she is. And yes, she lectured me on the supposed dangers of marijuana.” Sooyoung puts the bottle down, taking a minute to reach out to Jiwoo, who looks like she’s in an entirely different dimension. Jungeun almost coos at the sight of Sooyoung resting Jiwoo’s head in her lap, playing with the younger girl’s hair. That reminds Jungeun of the biggest question she has to ask.

“Does she… know you’re gay?” Jungeun almost winces as she says it, like it’s a sensitive topic around these two obviously gay girls. However, she does notice Sooyoung stiffen for the first time today. Sooyoung looks pensive, pausing before answering the question.

“That’s… complicated. She obviously has heard me talk about who I’m interested in and seen what kind of things I watch,” Sooyoung runs her fingers through Jiwoo’s hair, appearing to calm herself down. “But if she suspects or knows anything, she doesn’t bring it up. And I don’t know how to bring that up to her. "She’s…” Jungeun sees a word hanging on the tip of her tongue, but Sooyoung doesn’t say it. She settles for something else. “...quite the character.” The two of them go quiet now, listening to the babbling river next to them and Jiwoo’s soft snoring. Of course she fell asleep.

-

Day shifted into late evening, the sunset glowing behind the quiet suburban neighborhood. Jungeun and Sooyoung have grown much closer over the course of three hours. Jungeun is even comfortable enough to fake gag at Sooyoung carrying a sleeping Jiwoo on her back. They walk to Jungeun’s house first, Sooyoung gives the girl her number so they can hang out again. Jungeun says her goodbyes to both of them, Jiwoo now half asleep, mumbling a goodbye herself. There’s some odd ache in her chest as she watches them disappear into the sunset.

-

Jungeun lays in bed, peering up at the ceiling. What a day she’s had. It’s always good to see Jiwoo, and she’s very glad she made a friend in Sooyoung. Speaking of Sooyoung, she’s learned a few more things about her. She now lives three houses down, she lives with just her big sister, and she goes to catholic school on her own volition. She’s a devout catholic but she isn’t nearly as strict as Jinsol. Speaking of Jinsol, the girl seems like even more of a mystery through Sooyoung’s lens. The two of them are close enough, with Sooyoung being Jinsol’s best friend even though it may not be the same the other way around. The Bible studies are legit, and that’s apparently the most fun Jinsol has during the week. Jungeun can’t stop thinking about what Sooyoung said in regards to Jinsol and Jungeun herself. Yes, she has heard about the uniform incident and applauds Jungeun for it. She wants a uniform change too but she’s too lazy to, and she doesn’t want the trouble. Sooyoung apparently listened to Jinsol rant about that day. What irks Jungeun is the fact that she didn’t spill much. Sure, Sooyoung is closer to Jinsol and privacy is a thing. But what did Jinsol say? And why does she want Jungeun specifically to go to these Bible studies so bad if she keeps turning her down? The lack of information makes her head spin. Soon enough she’s thought herself to exhaustion, drifting into dreamland.

-

Jinsol grips the cross on her necklace so hard that her knuckles turn white. Sometimes, she can’t tell if Ha Sooyoung is friend or foe.

Well, of course she’s a friend. She’s also well versed in holy scripture, and she’s generally pleasant company. But there are things that bother Jinsol about Sooyoung. Her penchant for delinquent behavior, her fashion sense when they aren’t in school. Currently, she’s bothered about what she sees on her phone screen.

Sooyoung decided to put a video on her Snapchat. Yes, there’s the marijuana. Jinsol doesn’t like to think about that, though she’s seen it plenty from the girl before. She watches Sooyoung take a puff of that rolled whatever it is, before flipping the camera and showing some girl sleeping on her lap. Yes, that bothers her too for more reasons than she can think of right now. But most importantly, there’s Sooyoung saying some incoherent nonsense to what appears to be Kim Jungeun sitting across from her. The same Kim Jungeun who refuses to come to her Bible study time and time again. The same Kim Jungeun who wants to defy the rules so badly. The same Jungeun who’s sitting there in her phone screen, smile illuminating the entire earth, eyes shining like-

Jinsol’s knuckles begin to bleed.

Chapter Text

Some days, Jungeun wonders what it’s like.

She wonders what it’s like to dedicate your whole life and sense of morality and ethics based on a singular belief. Well, how could she not? She’s surrounded by the stuff all the time. When she was younger, she remembers being in awe at how reverently her mom would pray. The concentration on her mother’s face; solid as a statue while on her knees, hands firmly pressed together as she utters her prayers smoothly, without a hitch. Jungeun did try it a few times before. She remembers being sat on her knees beside her mom, awkwardly bowing her head down and trying not to peek to her left. She’d clasp her hands together and shut her eyes tight, and that’s about as far as she’d get. Her thoughts would wander from any hint of faith to what she’s having for dinner that night, the recent show she’s been watching, or anything else. She’s never had the concentration or the motivation to put her energy into something like that. The uncertainty makes her a little nervous, she admits. What’s really up there? If there is a God, would they truly accept her for who she is? Is she being judged for her every move? Are the things she believes to be right truly wrong? Maybe, maybe not. It’s taxing to think about.

So instead, she’ll think of something else. Like how Jung Jinsol is sitting a few feet away from her, fervently writing in her notebook, her favorite book lying open next to it.

On some days, they have the same study period. Jungeun finds that both her and Jinsol like to frequent the library on those days. Jungeun herself usually sits on her phone texting Jiwoo, or catching up on work that’s due in the next few periods. But Jinsol is always there, writing away in her notebook and reading her Bible. Jungeun thinks she’s only seen the girl’s phone twice. Jungeun’s view of a sharp jawline and flowing blonde hair is soon obstructed by a hand waving in front of her face. Of course, these are the well manicured nails of none other than Ha Sooyoung.

“You look a little focused there.” Sooyoung’s tone is teasing, willing Jungeun’s face to turn the lightest shade of pink. She soon focuses her eyes to the taller girl, who stands before her with books in hand and her backpack lazily slung over her shoulder.

“A little spaced out, that’s all.” Jungeun thinks she sounds convincing, but Sooyoung’s mysterious smile tells her otherwise. If Sooyoung thinks otherwise though, she doesn’t say it.

“I hope this seat isn’t taken.” Sooyoung gestures to the free chair across to Jungeun, and the younger girl gestures for her to take a seat. Since their hangout those weeks ago, the pair have grown close. Jungeun finds herself hanging out with Jiwoo and Sooyoung pretty often, and just Sooyoung when at school. Jungeun finds a different comfort in Sooyoung than she does in Jiwoo, maybe because Sooyoung is older. While Jiwoo is that friend that you can mess around with and have fun, Sooyoung is well.... The same as that, but with an odd sense of motherly comfort? Though Sooyoung likes to tease Jungeun to no end, she also likes to be there and listen to Jungeun when she needs it. The two of them have shared late night phone calls, laughing and talking about everything and nothing in particular. There’s one thing Jungeun has avoided talking about, though. No, it’s not the pretty blonde girl peering at the two of them from her table. It’s-
“Hey, Sooyoung?” Jungeun’s tone is hushed, breaking the comfortable silence that the two had going in the midst of Sooyoung studying. The older girl looks up from her notes, brushing her hair out of her face.

“What’s up, buttercup?” Jungeun cringes at the cheesy line, while Sooyoung grins warmly at her. That smile puts Jungeun at ease, reassuring her to ask her question. She takes a breath, squaring her shoulders before continuing.

“Can you… teach me about religion? Well, I know a little bit. I mean…” Jungeun scratches the back of her neck, recollecting her thoughts while Sooyoung looks on in rapt interest. “The Bible, the scripture. I’ve always thought about it, how could I not, y’know? But I could never be completely focused or interested. I’d want someone I trust to maybe guide me, or at least let me see your understanding of it?” Jungeun hopes that was coherent. She didn’t notice that she started to look at the table instead of Sooyoung during her rambling. She then looks back up to Sooyoung, and the sight almost brings her to tears. There’s a gentleness in Sooyoung’s eyes, a tenderness that she has only seen in her own mother. It’s different this time though, to have someone with shared experiences understand how you’re feeling. Sooyoung’s smile is warm and radiant as always, shining brightly. It’s definitely that smile that you’d see on your first true love. While Jungeun doesn’t feel that way for Sooyoung, she could understand why someone would.

“Of course I can, Jungie. I can give you a quick crash course right now, if you’d like.” Sooyoung’s response is followed by a shy nod from Jungeun, and that’s all the older girl needs to begin. For a few minutes, Sooyoung speaks in the least complex way she can, talking about creation and the concepts of God and Jesus Christ. Jungeun notices something. Though Sooyoung is fairly religious, she speaks as if things aren’t concrete. Her words don’t feel as final as the pastor at their church does, not as smothering as Sister Johnson who leads their religion class. Sooyoung is delicate in her teaching, and Jungeun hangs on to her every word. She still doesn’t quite know what she believes in, but this is very pleasant. If only all of it could be taught by Sooyoung.

-

God made Adam and Eve. They were crafted as God’s perfect image of mankind, roaming carefree and beautifully in their purest form. Then, of course, there was the serpent that tempted Eve and ultimately led to their destruction.

To Jinsol, Sooyoung is starting to look like that serpent more and more each day.

She likes the other girl, she’s sure she does. They’ve been friends for years and she isn’t more comfortable with anybody else. Sooyoung has always supported her and is always with her at her Bible studies, and they’ve hung out with each other a handful of times. Jinsol has confided in Sooyoung, and the brunette has always been there to listen. Sooyoung has confided in Jinsol too, sharing stories here and there on their walks home from school. Sooyoung trusts Jinsol, and Jinsol trusts Sooyoung.

Well she did until Kim Jungeun came into the picture.

Jinsol has always been… fascinated with Jungeun. Sure, she can call it that. When the younger girl arrived at their school, she was interested. Jungeun has a very natural beauty to her, Jinsol thinks. Her face is well sculpted, her angular features are quite attractive. Her lips stand out the most. They’re unique, Jinsol thinks. They...definitely add to her beauty. She was also fascinated with the way the girl carried herself; very quiet and reserved, but kind. There were always small moments where Jinsol felt like a voyeur; watching Jungeun help someone with their homework or running errands for the nuns. The same things that Jinsol does, but Jungeun is admittedly more humble, She doesn’t jump at these opportunities like Jinsol does. They simply come to her, and she’s benevolent enough to take them all in stride.

She can’t recall ever seeing Jungeun with a copy of the Bible outside of their religion classes- but that’s okay. She knows some people do their practices in private. That being said, she has never stopped trying to get Jungeun to come to her Bible study. Even if Jungeun practices in private, Jinsol feels a certain kind of… selfishness. She wants to know how such a perfect, benevolent individual practices worship. The image of Jungeun on her knees- praying so fervently- it’s something she’s itching to see. She wouldn’t tell anyone else of this newfound desire, bordering on obsession.

She remembers thinking that whoever Jungeun’s future husband is will be very lucky.
Well, she thought that until the uniform incident. And then the perfect image of another obedient church girl was shattered before her very eyes.

Jinsol can’t describe the feelings that came to her that day, the day she saw Jungeun come into their first period wearing trousers instead of their uniform skirts. She remembers one particular feeling: anger. She remembers the embarrassing flash of emotion she let loose, roaring at Jungeun out of confusion. Her own confusion still seems justified, even if it wasn’t shown in the best way. How could Kim Jungeun, the reserved, saint-like, passive girl so boldly and openly defy a rule in that way? It would be one thing for Jungeun to ask for a uniform change- and get denied seeing as those are the rules and they’re set in modesty- but for Jungeun to do it anyway without regard for any rule, and to argue with Sister Elizabeth? The thought still makes Jinsol’s blood boil. She wanted Jungeun to be a close friend, like Sooyoung. Someone who can sit with her and discuss His word, to share their understanding of faith together. But now, she isn’t so sure.

That’s why she hasn’t stopped trying to get Jungeun to come to her house. She thinks Jungeun needs it now more than ever, she wants to hear Jungeun explain herself. She wants to know when Jungeun became so bold, why she decided to do things of her own accord. The anger comes back to Jinsol, and it comes in a different form that scares her. She can faintly feel her own fingers fiddling with her cross as she thinks more of Jungeun that day. She came in with a quiet confidence, looking admittingly charming in her blazer and pants. Dashing, like a prince. And she’s- she’s not supposed to look like that. That’s not how it works, she doesn’t have the right to look handsome when that’s not what He intended-

Jinsol notices how deeply she’s breathing, hand wrapped around her cross tightly. Steady breaths, count to ten. Okay, enough thinking about Jungeun. Back to Sooyoung. That almost traitorous Sooyoung.

Something shifted on the day that Jinsol saw them on Snapchat hanging out. After that, she’s been noticing two things that irritate her. One: Sooyoung hanging out with Jungeun. On days that Sooyoung would spend with her at lunch or in study hall, she now sees her drift over to Jungeun. Sure, Jinsol has other acquaintances that she can talk to. But… she still feels lonely. Then there’s the other thing that bothers her: Jungeun hanging out with Sooyoung. She has barely had time to even think about asking Jungeun to come to her study when Sooyoung intercepts and whisks Jungeun away to talk about anything and everything. Jungeun hardly gives her passing glances unless Sooyoung is involved. Goodness, how it gets on her nerves.

She wants to talk to Jungeun. Jinsol finds that religion is the easiest subject for her to talk about, so she wants to use it as a starting point. Yes she wants Jungeun to come to her Bible study but she also wants to get to know Jungeun. She wants to know what she loves and what she doesn’t, to know how Jungeun lives. And she’s frustrated that Sooyoung is taking all of her chances. She never has time to say hello or strike up conversation. No she can’t do it in class- that’s her own time to focus on her scripture and her studies. Well, at least there’s the slim chance of Jungeun caving and attending Bible study, right?

Wrong. Because now in this moment, she sees it. She sees Sooyoung and Jungeun a few feet away from her. She hears Sooyoung take on the role of a pastor, teaching Jungeun what she knows and feels about His word. She wishes she could look away from Jungeun. She doesn’t want to see those kind eyes watching Sooyoung patiently. She doesn’t want to see that soft smile on her face as she listens intently to Sooyoung’s every word. She doesn’t want to hear that deep, delicate voice ask questions about their religion. She doesn’t want to see how Jungeun’s hands lightly touch the Bible, so delicate and thoughtful.

Jinsol doesn’t notice how bad her knuckles are getting again. She doesn’t feel them start to split open. She can only focus on her tunneled vision of Sooyoung and Jungeun. Sooyoung teaching Jungeun. Jungeun listening and absorbing His word. Jinsol’s thoughts spiral as her grip remains iron around her cross necklace. Why here? Why now? Why Sooyoung, why her? Why does she get to be the one to show Jungeun His word? Is this some sort of test, God? I’m trying to understand if it is but- thatshouldbemethatshouldbeme-

The bell rings. As everyone else is, Sooyoung and Jungeun begin to pack up. Jinsol can’t hear them anymore. Just ringing in her ears. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, letting herself recalibrate. When she opens them, she sees Sooyoung leaving. She then sees Jungeun staring at her, those soft, brown eyes looking rather inquisitive. Jungeun shoots her a soft smile. Before Jinsol can even react, Jungeun gets up and leaves herself. Jinsol supposes it’s time for her to leave as well. She fishes bandages out of her backpack, wrapping up her hand before packing up and leaving the library.

-

It’s 3 pm. Time to go home. Sooyoung is with Jinsol, much to the latter’s surprise. Since Sooyoung moved, she’s been walking with Jungeun home every day. But at the moment, she decided to hang around Jinsol before they get ready to leave. Sooyoung leans against the other lockers as Jinsol gets her stuff together. Sooyoung has been going on about random topics while Jinsol gives minimal hums as responses, focused on her tasks.

“Tonight at seven as always, right Sol?” Sooyoung’s melodic voice is very irritating to Jinsol right now. She wishes she didn’t know why. Still, she’ll remain her composure. She straightens out, slamming her locker closed. Her face is indifferent as she answers Sooyoung, looking anywhere but her eyes.

“Yes, indeed,” Lighten up, Jinsol. Don’t want Sooyoung to get suspicious. She finally makes eye contact with Sooyoung, forcing a small smile on her face. “You’re in charge of snacks, as always.” She does give a genuine giggle at Sooyoung pumping her fist in the air as a celebration. But then, the air is tense once again. Why? Well, a certain Kim Jungeun approaches the pair. Jinsol notices a nervous aura around Jungeun. Her body language is withdrawn, her left hand running up and down her right arm. Jungeun’s face is interesting, as her eyes are glued on Sooyung, almost afraid to look anywhere else. She notices a light dusting of pink on Jungeun’s cheeks. Does Jinsol make her feel that way?

“Ready to go?” Sooyoung regards Jungeun, and the latter gives her a small nod. Sooyoung looks back to Jinsol. She expects her to say goodbye and for the pair to part ways with her, but that’s not what happens. Not with that devious glint in Sooyoung’s eye. “Say, Jungeun,” Jungeun perks up as Sooyoung calls to her again. Jinsol notices Jungeun’s arms drop to her sides.

“Yeah?” Jungeun replies softly. Both she and Jinsol are taken aback by the next thing that leaves Sooyoung’s mouth.

“Would you like to join Jinsol and I at her bible study tonight at seven?” There’s a playfulness in her tone. Jinsol hates it. Why would she ask such a dumb question? Sooyoung knows that Jungeun has turned her down at every turn. And besides, Sooyoung is the one that has started teaching her His word. Jinsol doubts Jungeun would even want to-

“Sure,” Jungeun’s voice is unsure, but she strengthens her tone and follows with “I would like to try it out.” Her smile to Jinsol is timid, but sincere. She means what she says. Jinsol freezes, looking back to Sooyoung. Smug. Arrogant. Sooyoung smiles triumphantly as she gives Jinsol some mysterious look.

“It’s settled then. I’ll walk Jungeun home now and we’ll see you in a few hours, Jinsol. Peace out!” Sooyoung flashes her a peace sign, leaving with Jungeun in tow. Well, not before Jungeun waves goodbye to her, uttering a soft “see you later!”

Jinsol’s feet won’t move. Her head is swimming. So it’s actually happening. Ha Sooyoung’s unpredictable behavior actually got Jinsol’s wish granted. Kim Jungeun will be at her house tonight. Well, no more time to dwell on that. Time to get home and prepare for tonight. She has a very special guest, after all.

Lord help her.

Chapter Text

It’s just a normal house.

“That’s all it is, Jungeun. It looks like every other cookie-cutter suburban house in the neighborhood. It makes no difference that it’s Jung Jinsol’s house.” That’s what Sooyoung had said to her in reply to her prompt freak out after they left school. Yeah, it’s Jung Jinsol’s house. The same Jung Jinsol that looks at her like she wants to tear her apart. She thinks that’s what those long gazes mean, at least. She can never truly tell what Jinsol is thinking. Well, she’ll maybe begin to understand what she’s thinking now that she’s going to her house. Also, it is not a cookie-cutter house. It’s one of the more extravagant looking ones in the neighborhood. And seriously, how is Sooyoung so charismatic? Jungeun has successfully avoided Jinsol and her Bible study invites for quite a while, but now that Sooyoung offers, she accepts. Maybe it was how she said it. Or her smile. Sooyoung could make a great salesperson. Or a con-artist. But Jungeun knows that she really accepted it so she can learn more about Jinsol, and having someone else there that she’s close to definitely makes it better.

-

Sooyoung almost regrets inviting Jungeun.

“For the tenth time, Jungeun, it’s fine!” Sooyoung huffs, shoving her hands in her hoodie pockets as the two walk up to Jinsol’s house. Jungeun has been freaking out since she called Sooyoung on the phone after they parted ways, worried that Jinsol will kill her for not dressing like a ‘proper young lady’. Sooyoung threw on an old sweatshirt and jeans, her usual go to when it comes to hanging at Jinsol’s for Bible study. She throws her hair in a messy bun and that’s that. So why, pray tell, is Jungeun freaking out about what she herself is wearing? Sooyoung does notice with some strange amusement that it seems Jungeun is a little… dressed to impress. Usually the girl is in a flannel or an oversized hoodie, but today she’s in a crisp blue button-up shirt (rolled up to her elbows no less,) black jeans, and the staple of all… colorful individuals: Dr. Martens. She looks sharp. But why would she look sharp to go to Jung Jinsol’s house? It couldn’t possibly be…. Who is she kidding, of course it is.

Of course, after Jungeun inquired about Sooyoung’s sexuality when they hung out with Jiwoo, she told Sooyoung that she’s gay too. And they’ve found wonderful solidarity in each other both in school and out. But Jungeun didn't have to tell her. Sooyoung can see that from a mile away. Even before the uniform incident, she knew. Sooyoung has a great gaydar, she prides herself on that. So it was no surprise when she learned of Jungeun’s first girlfriend, or her crushes on many, many women in dramas she’s watched. The girl has a Clairo poster in her room, for crying out loud.

Sooyoung does admit that she’s a little shocked at Jungeun having a crush on Jinsol. No, Jungeun didn’t tell her. Yes, she is certain it’s a crush. She knew by the way Jungeun bombarded her with questions about Jinsol when they first hung out, and definitely by the way Jungie looks at her when they're at school. And definitely if she’s over here dressed like she wants to take Jinsol out to dinner. She’s not surprised by the fact that Jungeun has a crush on Jinsol, just the fact that it’s Jinsol herself. Personally, she wouldn’t have a crush on a super religious probably (definitely) closeted girl. Been attracted to one once and nope, that ain’t a path she wants to tread on. But hey, to each their own.

“I still hope she doesn’t chew me out.” Jungeun mumbles, blush creeping onto her cheeks. Sooyoung thinks she’s adorable in a little sister kind of way. She thinks Jungie is a total dork and pretty lame when it comes to any sort of romance, but she’d punch anyone else who dares to think the same. Sooyoung pats Jungeun’s back as they walk up the path to Jinsol’s front door.
“You’re fine, dummy,” Sooyoung continues as Jungeun glares at her, “Jinsol usually wears sweatpants or jeans when she’s home anyways.” Jungeun’s eyebrows raise slightly. Well of course those are anyone’s go to comfy clothes but it feels odd to think of perfect, conservative Jinsol chillin’ in sweats. She briefly imagines Jinsol in a hoodie too big for her, laying down in sweatpants with her blond hair fanning out against the bed. Her heart skips a beat. She wonders if she’ll see that soon. Sooyoung looks back to Jungeun, who seems more than a bit nervous. “Hey,” she grabs the younger girl’s attention. Jungeun looks back up at her. “You ready?” Sooyoung shoots her a soft smile. Jungeun returns it, flashing her a thumbs up. Sooyoung then knocks on the door, not before giggling and calling Jungeun a nerd, of course. Moments later, the door swings open.

Good grief, Sooyoung thinks. It’s worse than I thought.

What she means by that is: Jung Jinsol’s denial of her own sexuality and super ultra mega crush on Jungeun is getting even more out of hand than it already was. Yes, it is also painfully obvious to Sooyoung how Jinsol's repressed homosexual self has a crush on Kim Jungeun. No one rants about someone else for a half an hour each day with enough passion unless they're downright obsessed in a more than platonic way. Jinsol can't hide it anymore. The blonde stands before the two clad in a pretty red top Sooyoung’s never seen before and black leggings she’s definitely never seen before. Sure, she still isn’t showing skin. Sooyoung doesn’t think she’s ever seen Jinsol in anything above knee length, even in the summer. But skin-tight leggings are still… out of the blonde girl’s repertoire usually. She knew in the library that Jinsol was hilariously jealous of her reading parts of the bible to Jungeun, but she didn’t expect her to come back like this. Interesting, to say the least. Jinsol’s hair is up in a ponytail with a white scrunchie, and Sooyoung wants to laugh at the effort she’s putting in for Jungeun subconsciously, cause she knows Jinsol would burst into flames if she were accused of doing this on purpose.

Accident or not, it’s working. Sooyoung is almost afraid of Jungeun dropping dead on Jung Jinsol’s front step. She spares a glance down her shoulder to see a bright pink Jungeun trying to contain herself, eyes boring into Jinsol while somehow looking like she wants to vanish into thin air.

Oh, don’t think Jinsol is doing any better. Yes, her pretty necklace with the huge cross is a part of this outfit. And yes, her hand rushed to grip it as soon as she saw Jungeun’s kick-ass combat boots. After an unfortunate moment of Sooyoung having to watch them control whatever weird tension is between them, Jinsol smiles at the pair. It looks pained, but it’s still there.

“Welcome, come on in.” Jinsol ushers them into the house. Immediately, Jungeun is met with religious imagery. Crosses on the wall, paintings of Jesus, the whole nine yards. But it’s not smothering, surprisingly to Jungeun. It still feels cozy and lived in. Her own house has religious things scattered about the walls, but Jinsol’s behavior made her nervous about that kind of thing, but she finds that there's nothing to fret over. It’s not too bad, she thinks.

-

Jinsol immediately sent Sooyoung in charge of getting the snacks ready. Sooyoung dashed to the kitchen, and Jungeun knows it’s more for her own hunger and not the excitement of getting this event started. Sooyoung was complaining about how hungry she was the entire walk over. Anyways, back to Jinsol. She awkwardly led Jungeun into her living room. Her painfully pretty living room. The walls are a beautiful deep shade of blue, looking to Jungeun like the ocean’s depths. The sunset looks gorgeous coming through the window. She’s sat on a pretty white loveseat, and she notices a matching white leather L-shaped couch across from her. She doesn’t know how she failed to see four people sitting upon it.

Jungeun knows Jinsol is decently popular, so she doesn’t know why she believed it only to be her and Sooyoung attending these meetings. The four new faces look at her in interest. Jinsol masks her anxiousness with a sweet, bright smile. Jungeun can see that she has ‘host mode’ turned on.

“Girls, we have a new person joining us for today,” Jinsol smiles at Jungeun like an old friend, and it sends Jungeun’s heart into a frenzy. She knows it’s because Jinsol wants to save face and not act like she and Jungeun haven’t said more than three phrases to each other, but it still makes her feel a certain way. “This is Jungeun. Say hi and introduce yourselves!” Jinsol claps her hands together like she’s a teacher. It’s kind of cute. Wait that sounds-

“Hi!” Her thoughts are interrupted by the most adorable person she’s ever seen. Not like Jinsol, but more like a puppy. Wait, did she just-? Anyways, this dark-haired bubbly girl clad in a purple sundress waves to her excitedly. Jungeun notices that the other hand is keeping open a copy of the Bible with sticky notes and highlighter marks in it. Is that allowed? Well, it’s cute nonetheless. “I’m Yerim, nice to meet you!” She looks younger than Jinsol, and probably Jungeun herself. She radiates positive energy somehow, and her sunshine-y smile is infectious. Jungeun smiles back easily, returning her wave with a small one of her own. She notices a girl sitting next to Yerim that looks frighteningly similar to Jinsol, but with the anger of a chihuahua lurking beneath the surface.
“Jung Chaewon. Charmed.” So she does have a sister. Obviously, this Jung isn’t as God fearing as Jinsol. She looks bored to death, leaning back into the couch. She is dressed as Jungeun imaged Jinsol to be earlier: clad in baggy sweats. Jungeun notes that while she may not be as religious as Jinsol, she definitely has more angelic features. Her face is doll-like, hair a more golden blonde than Jinsol’s. Yerim nudges Chaewon, pouting at her. Jungeun briefly ponders what their relationship is, as Chaewon gives Jungeun a soft smile immediately after Yerim unleashed the most severe case of puppy eyes.
Jungeun notices two familiar figures last. Well, the first of the two is less familiar than the second.
“I'm Yeojin!” The third girl introduces herself with a bright smile. Not like the sun as Yerim’s, more like a shooting star. Her Good Book sits in front of her on the table, her hands folded in her lap. Light brown hair frames her face. Her sweater is swallowing her almost completely. Adorable. She looks prim and proper, a good kid. Well, at least she looks like that. Jungeun can feel some form of chaos swirling beyond the girl’s bright brown eyes. You never know with kids these days. Next to her, she sees almost the spitting image of her, but much older. And much to Jungeun’s surprise, another senior from her academy.

“Hi Jungeun, good to see you.” Jo Haseul. Well, Jungeun was more surprised to see her in the moment rather than seeing Haseul at Jinsol’s house. In the classes the three of them have together, Jungeun does see the two of them interact a decent amount. Other than Sooyoung, Haseul is who she sees Jinsol with the most. The girl looks more genuine in her proper appearance than her younger sister, of whom she didn’t know existed previous to this meeting. Haseul is just wearing a cardigan and jeans, yet she looks as elegant as a queen in her robes. Haseul is a star student as far as Jungeun knows. She’s like Jinsol, but less… unpredictable. She’s very warm and kind to others, everyone knows that. Jungeun has only talked to her a few times in school related events, but she feels like she could trust the girl with anything.

“Nice to meet you three, and hey Haseul!” Jungeun greets the group by flashing a peace sign. She immediately feels regret when Chaewon and Yeojin straight up laugh at her. Yerim, Haseul, and Jinsol scold them immediately. But hey, she knows it was cringy. Still, she’ll remember that those two girls are little demons. Oops, she shouldn’t say that in this house. Soon after, Sooyoung returns with the snacks. She briefly gets a glimpse at her relationship with the four: Yeojin and Gowon harass her for some chips and make Sooyoung look like she’s gonna cry, Yerim is chipper as she thanks her, and Haseul pulls her next to her on the couch, providing some motherly comfort that cheers Sooyoung up after being attacked by those gremlins. Jinsol pulls up a wooden chair next to Jungeun. The two of them notice the proximity, each swooning internally. Jinsol grabs her Bible from the table, signalling everyone to get ready.

“Let’s begin.”

-

“...other seed fell among thorns, which grew up with it and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up and yielded a crop, a hundred times more than was sown.” Jinsol reads a chapter of the book of Luke while the others listen in intently. Well, it seems Chewon is hearing rather than listening. Jungeun knew Jinsol’s voice was soothing, but she didn’t know it could be even more so. It reminds her of the gentle crash of ocean waves. Maybe because Jinsol is reading what she’s passionate about. It’s been little over an hour of Bible reading, with Jinsol going over passages and the others responding with their comments. Usually, Jinsol has to ask Jungeun what she thinks her interpretation is, making sure the girl is participating. She isn’t like the others, especially Yerim, who always has something motivating to say about each passage. Speaking of, she sees the girl’s hand shoot up like she’s in class. Jungeun almost cooed when she first saw Jinsol call on the girl, the latter’s eyes sparkling.
“So it’s about good produce flourishing over bad crops and providing a great harvest?” Yermi’s responses are always inspirational in a way, but not always accurate. Still, the girl’s enthusiasm never fails to put a smile on Jinsol’s face. Right before Jinsol responds with a more accurate explanation, Jungeun finds herself speaking up on her own for the first time of the night. She’s learned the formula of the book, she thinks. Jesus likes to spread positive stories about his dad that send a good message about following the Lord’s word. Simple enough. She’s never been too interested before, but Jinsol has been explaining the book so thoroughly and it’s been… very pleasant. Well, here goes nothing.

“It’s…” Jungeun pauses to absorb the words better. The language in this book is foreign to her, but not because of the letters. The way it describes events is fantastical, yet somehow awe-inspiring. Though she isn’t quite sold yet, she feels a sort of calmness while listening to these words. So, she tries to explain what she extracts from them. She continues slowly, “saying something like how those who listen to the Lord’s word and have good intentions will prosper?”. The others nod in agreement. Yerim beams at her.

“Wow, Jungeun! I didn’t think about it like that!” Jungeun blushes at Yerim’s word. Wow, that felt nice. She glances over to Jinsol, who looks at Jungeun in nothing short of surprise.

“That was…” Jinsol trails off. Jungeun makes eye contact with the blonde, and she sees an opposite to the burning anger from that one fateful day at school. There’s a warmth, Jinsol’s eyes sparkle. A radiant smile slowly spreads on her face. It takes Jungeun’s breath away. She’s the one who’s making Jinsol look like that? She can’t believe it. The thought of that twists her stomach in knots. Jinsol takes a breath, gathering her thoughts. “Really amazing, Jungeun. You got it perfectly.” The two share nervous smiles for a second more before Jinsol turns to the rest of the group, addressing them as she wraps up the session.

-

Jungeun’s head is spinning as her and Sooyoung leave Jinsol’s house. Jinsol packed up some of the snacks for Jungeun, and thanked her immensely for finally attending. That was paired with another breathtaking smile, Jungeun almost had a heart attack.
“You survived, kid. How’d it feel?” Sooyoung nudges Jungeun with her elbow, laughing at Jungeun’s starstruck expression as they walk down the street.
“It… that was nice. I liked learning more about the Bible,” and about Jinsol, Sooyoung finishes the sentence in her head. Jungeun continues, stuffing her hands into her jean pockets. “Jinsol explains it so well, I loved listening to her read the stories.” Jungeun panics as she sees Sooyoung give her a pointed look. “But I liked when you explained it too!” She tacks on in a panic. Sooyoung chuckles, always enjoying the obliviousness of her newfound close friend.
“She always does. She loves it, I’m sure you can tell.” Sooyoung’s tone is warm, but there’s a mysterious undertone laying there that Jungeun can’t quite decipher. After the beat of silence, Jungeun speaks once more as they approach her house.
“Thank you for this Sooyoung,” she looks at the taller girl, smoothing her hair back. “I really did have fun. It was nice seeing Haseul, and always nice spending more time with you. Though those two other kids are gremlins, I’m adopting Yerim.” The two share a laugh in the open air. Much to Sooyoung’s surprise, Jungeun hugs her as they say their goodbyes. They usually have light skinship, but this is new. It’s more than comforting.

-

As Sooyoung leaves Jungeun’s house to go home, she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She slides it out, expecting a goofy goodnight text from Jungeun. Instead, it’s from Jinsoul.

The Great Repression: come back here after you drop her off please.

Well, that’s interesting. Usually Jinsol likes to be alone after she’s done with the group session. Sooyoung thinks she’s only been there afterwards to complete group projects and they don’t have one of those currently. Well, she’ll see what all the fuss is about soon.

-

“Ha Sooyoung, I’ll have your head!” Poor Haseul, having to restrain a delirious Jinsol from attacking Sooyoung like a wild animal. Haseul was the one who greeted Sooyoung back into the house, the only other one in it as Yeojin went home with the other young girls. She then led her up to the room where Jinsol was lying in wait, ready to strike. Sooyoung knows Jinsol looks as happy as can be, more than usual after these sessions. She usually avoids talking to Jinsol about sexuality, as the blonde’s answers are always vague or indifferent. She knows there's something there, and she’s willing to poke the bear. Or more like a piranha.

“Why, is it because I brought your prince charming?” Sooyoung teases, leaning back on Jinsol’s bed. Though she’s amused at the sheer panic on Jinsol’s face, she’s afraid that Haseul’s grip can’t hold her forever. Jinsol’s thrashing like a raccoon for goodness’ sake.

“You shut your mouth!” The blonde roars. Haseul lets go of Jinsol in exhaustion, and then watches as she and Sooyoung are soon locked in a wrestling match, Jinsol ranting and raving about Jungeun’s sudden inviation to the bible study and how Sooyoung should’ve warned her. She freezes after hearing Sooyoung’s next words.

“She told me she really enjoyed it, she loved how you presented it. She’ll be coming back.” Sooyoung’s smug smile returns as Jinsol’s fighting spirit leaves the building, the blonde girl silently detaching herself from Sooyoung. Jinol sits still, eyes far away.

“Wow Jinsol,” Haseul pipes up, catching the attention of the other two girls. “You look like you’ve seen Jesus rise again.”

The following incoherent screech causes Sooyoung and Haseul to double down in laughter.

-
Jinsol is walking Sooyoung out to the front door about 20 minutes later after she showed Haseul out for the night. Before they say their goodbyes, Jinsol sees Sooyoung whip her phone out. Seconds later, she’s confused as she takes her own out to see a message from the older girl, an unfamiliar phone number contained in it.
“It’s Jungeun’s number,” Sooyoung continues as she inwardly smirks at Jinsol’s reddening cheeks, “I think you should thank her again for coming. Maybe meet her outside of the study and become a little closer, she’ll be in your house each week, after all.” With that, Sooyoung says goodbye and takes her leave for the night.

-

After a shower and getting into her pajamas, Jinsol lies in bed, staring at the phone number of Kim Jungeun. That bible study was… incredible. Though it’s evident now that Jungeun isn’t as open about her faith as Jinsol herself, she can tell that the girl has a good heart. When she spoke up and provided a very thoughtful response to her reading of the Parable of the Sower, Jinsol felt something like she never has before. A rush of… something exploded in her chest, like the adrenaline of seeing a fireworks festival. She wants to know more of Jungeun’s thoughts on His words, she wants to understand how Jungeun’s mind works. Jungeun was so delicate in her answer, it warmed Jinsol’s heart. This is different from the open, confident aura she’s seen in Jungeun. It was like how Jungeun was when Sooyoung invited her earlier. It was timid and tender. It’s intriguing, Jinsol needs to see more of it. Maybe she can discard any anger from the incident of that day, though Jungeun's outfit today reminded her of it slightly. Jungeun looked... Jinsol reaches to grab her cross necklace, but she already took it off for the night. She… might take Sooyoung’s advice and hang out with Jungeun. Sooyoung was right, the girl will be spending time in her house, it’s only fair to get to know her. With shaky fingers, she goes on to type.

-

Jungeun is lucky she survived the night. She flings off her button-up shirt as she thinks about how elated Jinsol seemed to be with her final answer of the night. She looked so happy, Jungeun can’t forget the brilliant energy that radiated from the blonde. Jungeun still thinks about how comforting Jinsol’s voice was to her as she spoke, how charming of a host she is to her friends. Jungeun found herself laughing at the little quips thrown in here and there between passages. This was a far more relaxed Jinsol. Jinsol was starting to feel like… a real friend. Maybe that’s possible after all. As Jungeun gets into bed, her phone lights up.

Unknown number: Hello, It’s Jinsol. Sooyoung gave me your number. Thank you again for coming, see you at school monday :]

Chapter Text

Hey y'all, this isn't an update. I just wanted to share a drawing of lipsoul I did since I've been wanting to draw them since I started this fic. This is them in their outfits portrayed in chapter 4. I may do more sketches soon! I also want to say thank you all for much for supporting this fic, it makes me incredibly happy and it's great motivation to continue. See y'all next chapter, hope everyone's doing well! (also I wanted to add close-ups but AO3 is mean so here: https://twitter.com/G0THEYE/status/1346276411414351872)

Bonus: leave any thoughts or questions so far, and I definitely want to know everyone's fave character!

Chapter Text

Most friendships start off rocky, this Jungeun knows.

Except for with Jiwoo. She can remember it like yesterday, the girl bounding into her yard after losing her frisbee. No, Jiwoo doesn’t own a dog. And no, she wasn’t playing frisbee with a group of friends. She was playing frisbee with herself, to ‘test her agility,’ whatever that meant. Still, Jiwoo’s goofiness and pure-hearted demeanor paired with Jungeun’s patient and kind attitude was a match made in heaven, and now the two are a fine duo.

Jungeun can’t say it will be the same with Jinsol.

She spent a clean five minutes just staring at her phone after Jinsol texted her Friday night. That was definitely a way to spend a Friday night, inside the house of a very attractive Bible-thumper who may or may not disapprove of your existence. Okay, that was harsh. She still remembers the radiant smile Jinsol gave her after she spoke up at the end of the study, that was the first time she’s seen the girl glow like that. It was… breathtaking. But is that the only way she’ll like me? Jungeun can’t help but wonder. Well, the text must mean that Jinsol wants to talk to her outside of Bible study, so hopefully she can get some real conversation out of the girl. Well, she did hope.

It’s been five minutes.

The two of them are sitting in their first period English Lit class together, and all they’ve done is exchanged timid hellos. Well, Jungeun’s was a little less timid than Jinsol’s. Jungeun has noticed something about Jinsol. Sure, her pleasant and sweet demeanor towards her was mostly broken after the uniform incident. But Jinsol still talked to her, nagging her to come to her house. Now, after the night at Jinsol’s house, the girl in question has retreated into herself. Why is she so shy all of the sudden?
Jungeun herself hasn’t been too much better. She’s usually very up front with starting conversations, she likes talking to people despite her quieter nature. She can be a wallflower sometimes but when it comes to close friends, she comes alive. But with Jinsol, she’s very hesitant. She’s attracted to her, no doubt. But being shouted at after wearing her self made uniform didn’t paint the senior in a good light. Sure, Jinsol’s freakout was interesting, but being yelled at for no damn reason isn’t the best. She’s been guarded ever since when it comes to the older girl, though Sooyoung has helped ease her hesitation. And yeah, the bible study helped humanize Jinsol through her eyes more. But is her religion all she is? Well, there’s only one way to find out. There’s a couple of minutes before Sister Elizabeth starts class. She’ll try to get a ball rolling. She gets up to sit next to Jinsol for a second. Somehow, the older girl hasn’t noticed her, still scribbling away in her notebook. It doesn’t look like notes for this class…

“Hey,” Jungeun starts softly. Jinsol finally looks up, a bit startled at that. She smiles softly at Jungeun, but there’s something beneath the surface that Jungeun can’t discern. Still, she’ll continue on. Since Jinsol only talks about religion, might as well open up with that to not scare the poor girl. “I haven’t stopped thinking about the bible study,” there’s some truth to that. A lot of it, actually. She was going to continue buttering Jinsol up but she didn’t expect Jinsol’s face to light up like it was Christmas morning. That brilliant, genuine smile returns, leaving Jungeun breathless.
“Really?” Why does Jinsol sound breathless too, like she got proposed to? Damn it, Jinsol. Your obsession with God is usually a pain in the ass but it’s kind of cute right now. Jungeun smiles back at her, and she can’t help to do it honestly. She nods in confirmation. Might as well follow up.
“Yeah. There was something about your voice there, you… helped deliver His words wonderfully.” Jungeun never thought she’d say anything like that in her life. But something tells her it’s worth it when she sees Jinsol’s elated face become even brighter. How is that possible?

Then, Jinsol laughs.

It’s such a pure, sweet sound. Watching her eyes close while she giggles like a schoolgirl in love. Wait, why is that so accurate-
“I’m…” Jinsol seems a little overwhelmed. It’s only 8 am and she looks ready to cry, and Jungeun knows its not negative but it’s a sight to see. “So thankful, Jungeun. I hope you enjoy His word more and more each time.” Jungeun smiles, but there’s something nagging her. Why is it always about Him and never Jinsol herself? There’s then a comfortable silence for a few moments, with Jungeun sitting there watching Jinsol go back to scribbling away in that notebook. She needs to say more, she wants to know more. Jungeun decides she’ll ask something that’s been on her mind.
“So uh…” Jinsol looks up to Jungeun as she speaks, that genuine smile still plastered on her face. “During bible study, I noticed it was just you and Chaewon, who I honestly didn’t know existed till then,” Jungeun awkwardly chuckles at her own comment, but noticed Jinsol isn’t. Still smiling, but there’s something lurking beneath the surface. Jungeun presses forward once more. “Were your parents out for the night? I would’ve thought they’d monitor that sort of thing.”

Jinsol’s smile drops. Good one, Jungeun.

Jungeun would’ve liked to see an earnest expression following that, as she can see Jinsol’s jaw clench. She thought that maybe she’ll see unbridled anger like she did that day. But no, she doesn’t get that privilege. Jinsol just slips her usual cheery mask back on, easy as that. She giggles softly, looking to Jungeun with a soft- yet the slightest bit unstable- smile.

“Yeah, they aren’t home too often,” Jinsol’s tone is soft, mysterious. It makes Jungeun uneasy. “But it’s okay,” Jinsol continues as her eyes pierce into Jungeun’s- “He’s always with me.” Jungeun says nothing to that, just nods. She’s soon saved by Sister Elizabeth who tells her to return to her seat, class beginning soon after.

-

Isaiah 41:10: “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Jinsol likes to repeat that verse in her head sometimes. The times where her parents leave the house for a few days, or the ones where Chaewon tells her that she’s spending the night at Yerim’s. Sure, she wouldn’t mind some company; but she does have the Lord by her side, and knowing that brings her comfort in those times. There’s Sooyoung and Haseul, but she has a hesitation with seeing them a lot outside of Bible study. She isn’t quite sure what it is. So, she simply ignores that uncomfortable feeling of loneliness by repeating the verse and confiding in the Lord. Usually, it works and she’s back into a content state for the time being.

But of course Kim Jungeun had to ruin that.

Jinsol knows it was a simple question, it was harmless. She can’t help but get angry, though. This is nearly that same rash, carelessness that she saw on the day Jungeun wore the wrong uniform. That’s not something to ask out of the blue, Jungeun. Where are your parents? They’re probably home all the time aren't they? This is why trivial things like that don’t matter. All they do is get in your way, but God would never do that to me. I wonder if you know that, Jungeun. You probably have a perfect life, of course you do because you’re so-

“Jinsol?” Sister Elizabeth’s worried tone snaps Jinsol out of her daze. She blacked out, now remembering that she’s in class. Instead of the cross, it’s a pencil that felt her wrath, now broken in her hand. She takes a deep breath before looking to her teacher, giving an apologetic smile.
“My apologies, Sister. I’m alright.” After that, the nun continues on with the class. Jinsol recollects herself, shaking off any negative feelings from minutes prior. Well, most of them. She glances to the side, eyeing a very focused Jungeun. She thinks back to that same focused, attentive gaze on her while she was reading scripture the other night. She admires Jungeun’s patience, how intently she listens. She enjoyed having her full attention, but what if it were in a different context? Jinsol briefly imagines sitting alone with Jungeun listening to her every word, staring at her with those gorgeous brown eyes. Oh, what she wouldn’t give to-

“Hey,” Jungeun’s smooth, deep voice rings through her ears. I’ve got to stop spacing out like this. Jungeun’s small, shy smile sparks something in Jinsol that makes her nervous. “Class is over. I’ll see you at lunch with Soo, yeah?” Jinsol can’t bring herself to speak, only nod. After Jungeun departs, Jinsol stills, trembling slightly. She’s scared. Not just at the fact that she’ll be in close quarters with Jungeun and have to hear whatever foolishness comes out of Sooyoung’s mouth. Not at what’s going to happen. It’s what didn’t happen. Jungeun’s voice stopped her, not herself.
She forgot to grab her cross.

-

This oughta be interesting.

Sooyoung sits across from Jinsol, listening to her talk about how science and faith can coexist for the upteenth time. Yes, Jung Jinsol also operates as a full-time nerd when she isn’t being God’s favorite customer. Besides religion of course, the girl loves math and science the most out of all their classes. Don’t get Sooyoung wrong, she respects the girl and her passion for academia. It ain’t for her, though. Sooyoung gets good grades but when she doesn’t have to even think about a textbook, she won’t. That’s that.
“People need to know that while evolution may exist to some extent, it was only made possible by-” Jinsol stops her rambling dead in its tracks. Sooyoung stifles a laugh at the blonde’s gaping mouth, looking like her hand was caught in the cookie jar. Yes, Jinsol knew Jungeun would be spending lunch with them. But she… still couldn’t believe it was actually happening and got all caught up in her lecture to Sooyoung. While her brain malfunctions, she remembers to close her mouth at least. Sooyoung smirks inwardly, ushering Jungeun to sit down next to her.
“Hey, what’s going on?” Jungeun asks, setting her lunch tray down. In lieu of Jinsol’s red face and stuttering words, Sooyoung answers.
“Not much. Just sitting here listening to Jinsol go on and on about religion and science’s relationship. She’s giving me a TED talk.” Sooyoung proceeds to laugh at Jinsol’s barely concealed rage towards her. It’s an interesting mix of rage towards Sooyoung’s outing of her nerdy self and embarrassment in Jungeun’s presence. Still, Jungeun pipes up, chuckling softly.
“Don’t worry, I think that’s pretty cool.” Jungeun notes Jinsol’s red cheeks in her head. Why is she blushing? Well, I guess anyone likes receiving compliments. The three of them eat their lunches in comfortable silence for a few minutes, with either Sooyoung talking to Jungeun or Sooyoung talking to Jinsol. Jungeun and Jinsol agree with each other or add to what one another says sometimes, but not too often. Suddenly, Jungeun pipes up again, the topic of evolution on her mind. “It’s crazy thinking about the big bang and all of that, like us coming from stars and then the dinosaurs coming and all that. Don't you think-”

Sooyoung sighs. It could’ve gone so well.

Jinsol takes no time in trying to prove Jungeun wrong. “God created the world,” her tone is firm, cutting off and correcting Jungeun as if she’s teaching a child. Jungeun doesn’t like that. “Even though I believe humans did grow and evolve after that due to His guidance, He is the one who started it all.” Jinsol crosses her arms, firm on her stance. Jungeun feels like that cross necklace is mocking her right now, staring her right in the face as Jinsol tries to argue something that can’t be proven. Jungeun has always been cordial with her and anyone about religion, but she doesn’t like when it’s presented as the only truth.
“You can’t prove that, though.” Jungeun’s tone is nonchalant, but her eyes are fierce. Sooyoung feels like she’s in the middle of a battle in the court of law. Jungeun looks irritated, and she has almost never seen her look irritated. Jinsol is furious, but when is she not when it comes to anyone not believing what she believes in? Or when it comes to Jungeun, really. Sooyoung herself has no interest in the conversation. She’s a devout catholic, but she can accept the full theory of evolution, though she too believes the bible’s word. She’s just nowhere near as pissy as Jinsol. Speaking of-
“How dare you say that, who do you think you are?!” You know, it’s surprising that due to the perfect, catholic sweet girl-next-door catholic girl image Jinsol has painted for herself, no one has noticed her glaring anger issues. That’s what Sooyoung thinks, anyways. She’s known Jinsol for maybe 7 years. And in those 7 years, she knows that while Jinsol is sweet and kind most of the time, she’s downright insufferable when she’s angry. Self-control goes out the window and she starts barking like a rabid dog. It’s kind of funny as it is terribly sad.

-

The second time. This is the second time Jinsol has said that to her. “How dare you!” Give me a break. Jungeun isn’t so sure she could take this self-righteousness right now. Or ever, but that’s something she’ll discuss with Sooyoung later. She huffs indignantly, arms crossing to challenge Jinsol.
“How dare I? How dare I what, have an opinion?” Jungeun bites back at Jinsol. Sooyoung loves how bold and confident Jungeun could be. But not right now. Oh G- sorry. Oh boy, she’s not done. “Listen Jinsol,” Jungeun speaks now with a calmer tone, but there’s still aggression laced in it. “I know you’re strong in what you believe in, and I respect that. But you have to accept that not everyone feels that way. Before Sooyoung explained it to me, I had no interest in believing in God. And as excited as I was Friday, I’m not so sure now.” The table is still, but Jungeun’s words linger like a heat wave. And then the unexpected happens.

Jinsol bolts out of the cafeteria, leaving everything behind.

“Great.” Sooyoung drawls sarcastically. It was only a few minutes into lunch, and now she’ll be stuck cleaning up this mess for the rest of the day. Well both Jungeun and Jinsol’s possible- maybe now not possible- friendship mess and the literal mess Jinsol left behind. Seriously, where could she have gone?
“Sorry.” Jungeun miumbles, cheeks flushed and eyes down to her lap like a punished child. Sooyoung places a hand on her back, warm and nurturing. She looks at Jungeun with a half smile, while the younger girl meets her gaze with the same.
“It’ll be alright. I’ll just take her stuff with me, we have the same next class anyways. If she even shows up.” For now, Jungeun heeds her words and continues eating, though her head feels like it’ll explode at any second. Okay, I definitely meant what I said. But I didn't expect her to just up and leave! Is she gonna be okay??? Well, she’s got to maintain her stellar image so I don’t expect her to do anything stupid. I hope so, at least… Jungeun and Sooyoung eat their lunch in silence for most of the time, soon after getting up at the end of the period.

-

Jo Haseul is prepared for everything. She’s prepared for college with a full ride, she’s prepared for her future career as a lawyer. She’s even prepared with a plan to keep Yeojin from dating until she’s 35.

But what she isn’t prepared for while walking into a school bathroom is the sight of Jung Jinsol standing at the sink crying her eyes out, cross necklace held so tightly in her hand to the point that the chain has broken off of her neck, and blood from her knuckles running into the sink.

“Jinsol? Jinsol, what’s going on?” Haseul rushes to her side in worry, hands on both the blonde’s shoulder and side. “Let’s go to the nurse, okay? You need to wrap that hand up.” Anything else Haseul says is muffled in Jinsol’s brain, drowned over the crashing waves of thought in her mind. As a storm, it’s furious and panicked. Unbeknownst to herself, Jinsol starts to speak.

“Why would she say that to me? Why doesn’t she believe in Him, why doesn’t she see Him even though He loves her? I know he wants me to love her too, I know he sent her to me for a reason, what am I doing wrong?” More rambling slips through Jinsol’s lips as she continues to sob, shaking in Haseul’s embrace. The younger girl freezes. Does this mean… what she thinks it does? She’ll talk to Sooyoung and maybe even Jungeun later. But for now, it’s helping Jinsol time. Wordlessly, she gingerly takes the girl along. Jinsol complies surprisingly, silent.

-

1 new message- 3:22 pm

Kim Jungeun: I’m sorry. Can we please talk it out soon? Like tonight soon? Reply when you can, please.

Chapter Text

Jungeun knows she’s a patient person. As patient as they come. Well, usually.

“She still hasn’t responded. I don’t even think she read it.” Jungeun sulks as she lies back in her bed, defeated. It’s four pm, one hour since school ended and nearly forty minutes since Jungeun texted Jinsol. Sooyoung sits on Jungeun’s desk chair, texting away and scoffing at Jungeun’s whining. Who knew Jinsol would be the one to mess up someone else’s composure? Sooyoung puts her phone aside, opting to fling a stray pencil from Jungeun’s desk at the girl on her bed, receiving a loud ‘ow!’ in response.

“You need to chill. She’s probably praying or some shit, or she’s in the shower, or literally anything else.” Sooyoung asserts. Jungeun sits up, glaring at the taller girl. That pencil hurt.

“Are you sure she’s not like telling God I need to perish or something?” The real concern in Jungeun’s tone makes Sooyoung groan loudly. For a straight A student, Jungeun is an idiot.

“No, dummy, she’s not doing that. Trust me, she wouldn’t tell God anything bad about you.” That’s suspicious, Jungeun thinks.
“And what does that mean?” Jungeun narrows her eyes at the older girl. Her and Sooyoung then have a stare-off, the serious tone getting broken in five seconds when Sooyoung smirks as Jungeun starts to crack, soon laughing at nothing. Staring contests are never meant to be serious, after all. But still, did she mean Jinsol would never speak bad about Jungeun or anyone in general? Damn that Sooyoung and her cryptic words. Both perk up at Sooyoung’s phone vibrating on the desk. Jungeun observes as Sooyoung reads the message, eyebrows furrowing.

Law and Order: Meet me at Sandy’s in like half an hour. Got something to tell you about Jinsol. Bring Jungeun at your own risk.

Sooyoung contains any emotion as to not raise suspicion. She knows she probably shouldn’t bring Jungeun, even if Haseul thinks it’s optional. What did Jinsol’s crazy ass do this time?

“What’s up?” Jungeun inquires, head in her palm, looking at Sooyoung with wide owl eyes.

“Nothing, nosy.” Sooyoung teases Jungeun, grinning at the younger girl’s pout. She gets up, tugging on her jacket. “Just some boring shit, my sister wants me to go to the store for her.” Jungeun nods, soon getting up to walk Sooyoung out. Minutes later she’s back in her room, sulking. What could Jinsol be doing? She knows the girl has a life, but her anxiety is eating her up. She wasn’t wrong in what she said, but she knows Jinsol’s emotions are… delicate. She hopes this doesn’t destroy their relationship. She may not be on the best terms with Jinsol, or even know her very well, but… she wants Jinsol in her life. As much as she wants to keep texting Jinsol, she won’t. She’ll just wait as patiently as she can. Jungeun turns her TV on in an attempt to quiet down her boisterous thoughts.

-

“So you’re telling me that once again, Jinsol freaked the fuck out so much that she bust her hands open but this time she told you that she’s in love with Jungeun?” Sooyoung’s tone is incredulous as she sits across from Haseul at the diner, watching the younger girl shovel fries into her mouth at an impressive rate.

“Mhm,” Haseul finishes her food before continuing. She’s not a heathen after all. “But she said it in a very Jinsol way of ‘oh God says I should love her so I love her’ or whatever.” Haseul and Sooyoung are both devout catholics and both very gay. So of course know one when they see one. They've had a feeling about Jinsol for years, even if the other girl won't say it outright. Haseul loves Jinsol very much, but that girl has got to sort out whatever issues she has in a healthier way. The bathroom scene nearly gave her a heart attack. Sooyoung rolls her eyes at the thought of Jinsol denying her crush on Jungeun even more than she has been.

“Of course she did,” Sooyoung takes a sip of her vanilla milkshake. Good stuff. “But I will say that Jungeun isn’t too much better. Well, she’s better in the sense that she knows she’s gay and doesn’t have a panic attack at the thought of another woman,” she steals one of Haseul’s fries, popping it in her mouth much to the dismay of the other girl. “But she’s an idiot,” Haseul cringes at Sooyoung talking with her mouth full. Thankfully, the older girl swallows before continuing. “And thinks that Jinsol straight up hates her. I know religion can trip someone up, but she has got to know another lesbian when she sees one, especially one that obsesses over her every day of every week.” Haseul nods at Sooyoung’s words, sipping her iced tea. “And Jungeun still hasn’t gotten a text back from her. I haven’t either.” Sooyoung and Haseul share a sigh at the thought of their misguided Romeo and Juliet.

“We have work to do.”

-

It’s bright. That’s the first thing Jinsol notices as she wakes up from a nap she didn’t remember taking. She soon realizes that she isn’t in her house. She’s barefoot, clad in a flowing white dress. She can feel plush grass underneath her feet.

“Where am I?” She asks quietly to herself, or maybe to the open air. She walks around, taking in her surroundings. This wide, lush field stretches for miles, no end in sight. The sky is nearly cloudless, sun shining through the few that run through it. Jinsol feels like she’s stuck in a renaissance painting. As she walks through the field, she absentmindedly puts a hand to her chest and panics soon after. Her cross isn’t there. Wait, that’s right. It broke. Haseul helped her out of the bathroom after she had… a moment. All because of- no, she can’t worry about her right now. She needs to worry about how to get home.

After minutes of fruitless walking, Jinsol starts to get frustrated. Doing what she usually does when she’s frustrated, she sinks to her knees, eyes closed and hands coming together to pray.

“God, I’m not quite sure where you have sent me. This must be a test, and I swear I’ll follow it faithfully. I ask that you give me a sign, please lead me to what you want to show me, that’s all I ask-” Jinsol interrupts her prayer as she opens her eyes, a sudden flood of light startling her. A beam of light emerged from the heavens, shining down onto the grass in front of her. Jinsol looks up.

Then, she gasps. There, before her, she sees an angel flying down. That angel is none other than Kim Jungeun.

Beautiful feathered white wings spawn from her back, just like how Jinsol pictured them to appear. Jungeun is glad in a pristine flowing white robe, mirroring Jinsol’s dress. There’s a hazy glow around her, signifying her otherworldliness. As Jungeun comes closer, Jinsol notices a detail that makes her heart race. Her own cross necklace adorns Jungeun’s neck, undamaged and shining brilliantly. Jungeun lands softly, smiling down at Jinsol with her hand offered up for the older girl to take.

“Take my hand, Jinsol.” Jinsol feels like she can’t move. She’s trembling. This isn’t real, it definitely isn’t. But… is this her prayer being answered? It feels too perfect, this dreamy, fantastical world and an even dreamier Kim Jungeun in front of her. So, she’s an angel. Of course. Jungeun’s previous wrongdoings and acts of rebellion were but an act, a test of Jinsol’s own will. To prove that she’ll stand firm in her belief. She would not have asked nor expected God for a reward, but it seems that he presented her with one. Jungeun is ethereal, more than usual. It brings tears to Jinsol’s eyes. Her arm trembles as she raises it to meet Jungeun’s. The angel's hand is impossibly soft, though her grip is firm as she pulls Jinsol up off of the ground.

They then stand face to face. Jungeun’s eyes are so full of warmth, so full of love. Jinsol feels tears rolling down her cheeks as she’s lost in Jungeun’s gaze. The angel brings a hand to Jinsol’s face, gently wiping away her tears. “Don't cry, Jinsol. It’s alright.” The angel coos. Jinsol melts under Jungeun’s touch, overcome with emotion. Jungeun’s hand caresses Jinsol’s face. “Just remember- you don’t have to be ashamed.” That’s the last thing the angel says as she leans in closer.

Jinsol feels a blazing, unfathomable, absolutely divine warmth exploding onto her lips.

-

Chaewon is used to hearing a bunch of different things coming from her older sister. She’s heard Jinsol rambling on and on when she prays alone, she’s heard Jinsol singing to herself at three am when she’s trying to sleep, she’s heard Jinsol talk to her stuffed animals as if they’re her children.

But unholy screeching right after a nap is a new, very unpleasant sound.

“What the fuck are you screaming for?” Chaewon shouts at her sister as she comes stomping down the stairs to find Jinsol sitting up straight on the couch, touching her lips as though something’s wrong with them. She ignores Chaewon’s cursing for once as she starts rambling.

“Jungeun. Jungeun was here, where is she-” Yeah, Jinsol has gone off the deep end. Well, she wasn’t far from it before. Chaewon thinks it’s kind of funny as it is weird as hell, seeing Jinsol look around the room as if she’s seen a ghost. Or the lack of one, apparently. Chaewon sits on the loveseat across from her sister.

“Slow down, psycho. What are you talking about?” Chaewon did think it was unusual that Jinsol was passed out on the couch after she got home, as she’s usually super productive the minute she steps into the house. This takes unusual to new levels. Jinsol seems to have calmed down just a little.

“I was in a field with Jungeun and she was an angel and she kissed me and-” Jinsol’s face turns bright red as she takes in her own words. Before she can scream again, Chaewon speaks.

“So you had a gay dream about Jungeun? I’m surprised this is the first.” Chaewon narrowly dodges the pillow that’s thrown at her head.

“It wasn’t-” Jinsol’s denial is promptly stopped in its tracks by her sister’s icy glare. She looks to the floor. “Well… it was God telling me something.. I think.”

“Yeah, telling you that you’re gay as-” Jinsol glares back, telling Chaewon to not use any choice words. The younger girl continues on. “Ahem- it’s telling you that you have a crush on Jungeun. Or some sort of romantic feelings for her. Well, anyone could’ve told you that.” Jinsol stares at Chaewon in disbelief. A crush? No, surely it’s not that. She just thinks Jungeun is beautiful, and she’s an interesting person. She loves her as God wants her to love all people. But Jungeun does feel special to her, she’ll admit. And there’s a bigger problem with Chaewon’s sentence. Before she can argue with Chaewon, her sister interrogates her further. “And what are you doing passed out on the couch right after school anyway? That’s much more of my thing, not yours.” That actually got Jinsol to smile a bit, Chaewon notes. But it’s quickly wiped away when Jinsol starts explaining the events of the day, how she and Jungeun shared a nice moment in the morning before having their argument at lunch. Jinsol is a tad embarrassed to share the meltdown she had in the bathroom, but she knows that under her sister’s cold, sassy exterior is a person who cares for her deeply. Chaewon feels like the only one that does, sometimes.

“I want to understand her, I do. But what she said felt like a slap in the face. She wasn’t religious this whole time? What has she been doing, then?” Jinsol’s tone is both melancholic and frustrated. Her hand feels around for her necklace, but she looks over to confirm that what’s left of it sits on the end table next to the couch. She’ll need a new chain for it. Chaewon’s demeanor has shifted. Less playful, more serious. She speaks carefully to her sister.

“Not everyone who goes to a school like that is religious, you should know that,” Jinsol does know that. Their parents accepted Chaewon’s request to go to public school instead, as she’s not religious in the slightest. Chaewon raises a finger, pointing at Jinsol as she continues with: “She did come to your bible study finally, you know. That counts for something, doesn’t it?” Well, she’s not wrong. But Jungeun only did it because-

“She only did it because of Sooyoung.” Jinsol spits out bitterly. Chaewon raises an eyebrow. Jealousy, interesting. If there’s a person other than Sooyoung who likes to push Jinsol’s buttons, it’s Chaewon.

“What, are you jealous of Sooyoung?” That did it. She sees Jinsol’s scowl return to her face, the older girl crossing her arms with a huff.

“Why would I ever be jealous of Sooyoung?” Does she hear anything she just said in the past ten minutes? Chaewon explains her next points very carefully.

“Because she is now best friends with Jungeun, they probably hang out every day. I’m sure you’ve seen them together a lot. And she does seem to be the one who got her more interested in religion. I don’t blame her for going after Sooyoung suggested it instead of you, have you ever stopped to think about how much you pestered her to go? And that you blow up on her for existing differently than you do? Seriously, other people have been so different from you in the past, what makes this so-” Chaewon stops her rant as she sees her sister crumble before her, head in her hands. Okay she feels a bit bad for what she’s been saying, but it needed to be said. She gets up to sit on the couch next to Jinsol, rubbing her sister’s back slowly. “It’s alright, just breathe.” Chaewon isn’t the best at comforting, but she thinks it’s working when she sees Jinsol’s breathing stabilize.

“I just want to be close to her.” Jinsol’s voice is small.

“Do you know why that is?” Chaewon asks gently. Jinsol stops to think, and then in a moment of clarity, the truth flows forth.
“She’s so kind to everyone, Chae. She has this personality that's so down to earth, more than anyone I've ever known. Her smile is beautiful, her laugh even more so. I’ve only really gotten to experience them when in the presence of Soo, not just Jungeun alone. But I want that. I want to be able to hang out with her and make her laugh, make her smile. I want to make her happy, too.” Jinsol’s eyes are set straight ahead as she gets her feelings off of her chest. She thinks of Jungeun from her dream, and wonders what an actual kiss between them would feel like. Her necklace isn’t there to stop her, so she balls her fist for just a moment before unclenching it. She then looks to Chaewon. “I think she’s a special person, Chae. But…” Her tone is then somber. “I can’t like her in that way.”

Chaewon tries not to get angry. She and Yerim have been in a relationship for two years. They make each other happy, and she wouldn’t trade waking up next to Yerim and all the happiness they’ve shared for anything in the world. When it comes to Jinsol and her knowledge of their relationship, that’s where it gets complicated. She remembers first telling Jinsol about their relationship. Her sister acted like she didn’t know what Chaewon meant by being intimate with Yerim, and she’s always dismissed it as a very close friendship. She has never addressed them properly. Chaewon doesn’t want to entertain the thought that her sister is a homophobe, but-

“Why? Why can’t you? I’ve been to every single bible study you’ve held, and I haven’t heard a single thing against homosexuality, Jinsol.” Chaewon’s aggression gets the better of her. She feels so much passion in regards to her own identity and loving her girlfriend, and she’ll be damned if the one person she’s supposed to trust the most can’t accept them. Jinsol’s expression is now pained, eye’s shining with unshed tears.

“It’s- it’s not-” Jinsol gets choked up once again. This time Chaewon lets her sister process her own emotions without intervening. She watches Jinsol struggle to understand her own feelings. “It’s not Him. He loves everybody, and so do I.” There’s a heavy pause. “It’s them.”

Then, Chaewon understands. The emptiness of their house becomes crushing. Their parents were… indifferent to Chaewon coming out. No opposition, but they didn’t really care. No open support, either. Just went on with their lives. When they are home to see Chaewon with Yerim, they only greet the other girl and that's about it. Chaewon could understand that it may be different with Jinsol being the eldest of the two, having more responsibility to ‘continue their lineage.’ She can understand Jinsol’s fear. But she can’t bottle it up like this. It’s hurting her.

“Jinsol, you can’t hide behind religion because you’re scared of telling the-” Jinsol slaps Chaewon across the face. The sound rings out across the room, followed by a deafening silence. Chaewon holds her face, glaring up at her sister.

“I’m not hiding, Chaewon,” Jinsol’s tone is cold as ice, her face stone. “I’m simply being responsible.” Jinsol then rises from the couch, going to the kitchen. Moments later she returns with an ice pack. “Sorry…” she murmurs as she hands it to Chaewon, her face softening. Her younger sister looks up at her in pity as she takes the pack from Jinsol’s hands.

“Whatever you say, Jinsol.” Chaewon’s tone is defeated, done with dealing with her sister’s unstable emotions for the day. Jinsol takes that as her queue to disappear upstairs to her room. On the way up the stars, she checks her phone. One message from Jungeun, asking her to meet up and resolve their conflict. Her heart aches. She wants to see Jungeun as soon as she can, but she knows she needs some time to herself to settle down.

To: Kim Jungeun: I’m sorry I’m seeing this now. I’m also sorry for earlier, but I can’t discuss it tonight. We’ll talk at school. Have a good night.

Jinsol and Chaewon are in separate parts of the house for the night, though they’re thinking the same thing.

Kim Jungeun wouldn’t like a coward.

Chapter Text

Jinsol said “We’ll talk at school.” She did not say “I’ll say hi to you and be weird about literally everything else.”

Jungeun sits miserably in her first period class. She was all ready for Jinsol to apologize for her outburst like she usually does and then things would at least look okay but no, she didn’t quite do that. Jungeun said hello to her while the girl looked like she might shatter from any sudden movements, and all Jinsol said was “Hi. Sorry for yesterday… I’m not really in the mood to talk, sorry.” And then look awkwardly back to their assigned book for class, of which Jinsol never opens before class. Yeah, that’s not giving Jungeun good vibes. Well, at least Jinsol apologized this time. That’s a step.

After class, still nothing. Jungeun is embarrassed to admit that for once, her attention wasn’t on Sister Elizabeth’s fantastic reading of whatever book they’re going over at the time. And she means it, that woman is damn good at her job. But no, Jungeun was too focused on stupid, beautiful, terribly moody Jung Jinsol looking like she wants to invoke God’s wrath on the world itself. Jinsol looked melancholic at the start of the first period, and Jungeun watched it turn into barely concealed anger. At who? Jungeun figures it’s herself but… Jinsol wouldn’t apologize or even text her beforehand if that were the case. For now, Jungeun is stuck wondering what’s going on inside that beautiful blonde head of her enigma of a classmate as the blonde silently leaves class after packing up.. Friend? Not quite...Acquaintance, that works better for now.

-

While she isn’t grateful for the universe giving her a terribly confusing attractive acquaintance, Jungeun is grateful for being gifted with many things to distract from said acquaintance.

Currently she’s engaging in a favorite distraction and hobby: swimming.

In their gym classes, their teachers give them free roam of what they want to do, since the students are surprisingly well behaved and eager to do athletic activity. Jungeun’s glad she’s not alone in that eagerness. She’s liked to swim since she was a kid, some of her most fond memories revolving around her and her mom driving out twenty minutes to the nearest public pool. When she was around 9, Jungeun’s christmas present one year was a pool out in their yard. Not the brightest idea, seeing as baby Jungie almost froze to death after doing a cannonball in freezing weather. Still, best present ever. She was in the swim club in middle school, though Jungeun has a hesitation to join now. Lack of commitment she guesses. I’d rather hang with Jiwoo and Sooyoung after school. Or Jinsol… which seems impossible now.

Jungeun shakes her thoughts away, diving back into the water after a short break. She’s trying to best her own record: 500m in 9 minutes, she thinks she’ll go for 8 this time. The length of the school’s pool is much longer than hers at home, it serves as the perfect place to improve on her skills. Her limbs glide seamlessly through the water, head tilting to the side every so often to take a breath as she powers through, muscles straining. There’s no unnecessary thoughts here; only Jungeun and the water. It’s the most freeing she can feel, and that’s created a great love in her heart for the activity. After the laps are completed, Jungeun hoists herself out of the pool and sits on the edge, peering at her thankfully waterproof stopwatch. 8:26, damn it.

Usually, Jungeun finds herself with one or two other classmates in the pool at gym time. She suspects it’s because most of her peers don’t want the drama of getting changed, getting wet, drying off, and going back to school like there isn’t a wet towel shoved in their locker. They’re just weak. However, Jungeun perks up at the sound of footsteps hitting the wet tile next to her.

-
Haseul has found herself at the pool this time around in gym class, eyes immediately locking onto the person she wants to see. Kim Jungeun is hard at work, tearing through the water with the grace of a dolphin. Sure that’s corny, but it’s true. Haseul knows little to nothing about swimming, but she’s sure that Jungeun’s form is excellent. As Jungeun then rises out of the pool, Haseul’s eyes rake over the younger girl’s soaked body appreciatively, watching as Jungeun pants, her now dark brown hair clinging to her skin. She’s awfully fit, how did I not notice before?

Haseul has always known of Jungeun, but never known her personally. The two have always shared a class here and there, said cordial hellos. But nothing else, really. They’ve always been friendly and that’s about it. But she, like Jinsol, has observed her for the far. Jungeun honestly seemed like a boring character at first, but there’s something about her. Of course, there’s that sincerity and gentleness when she talks. Haseul would shamelessly eavesdrop on conversations between Jungeun and whatever nun is teaching at the time, as Jungeun is very polite and just… nice. She’s felt like Jungeun has the comfort of a warm cup of coffee, even if they’re not close. There’s just a radiance to her. Jungeun is confident in her actions yet reserved in nature, so she’s often more of a “speak when spoken to” person, Haseul has noticed. She never wants to bother the girl but… she may have to. It’s been long enough.

Haseul struts over to Jungeun, her white adidas thudding against the tile. It’s a little weird to be fully clothed in the gym area, though Haseul is only here for a quick visit.

“Afternoon, Jungeun.” Haseul catches the younger girl’s attention as she sits on the edge of the pool, soft cinnamon eyes looking at Haseul curiously through wet strands of hair. Cute.

“Hey, Haseul. Didn’t expect to see you here… you’re usually chillin’ with your friends, yeah?” Jungeun slicks her hair back out of her face, rising to her feet. There goes that brilliant smile that Jinsol is too afraid to admit that she loves. It really is beautiful, Haseul thinks. Definitely something you’d fall in love with. Haseul returns her smile back, straightening out her shirt.

“Yeah, usually. But I wanted a change of pace and remembered that you and I share the same gym period so there we go.” Haseul blushes a light pink after hearing a soft giggle from Jungeun.

“Fair enough. Hey uh, let’s continue this talk after I’m dried off. I feel like a prune.”

-

After Gym, Haseul and Jungeun find themselves outside during their free period. They sit on the bleachers near the school’s biggest track, chatting as they watch people do their laps. Jungeun has an oversized maroon hoodie over her uniform blazer, looking as cute as a button to Haseul. The older girl has been listening to Jungeun’s history with swimming, admiring the way the girl’s eyes light up.
“You sure like to talk with your hands.” Haseul’s sudden observation catches Jungeun off guard, the younger girl’s ears going crimson as she tries to explain herself.

“Well you know it just helps a story flow better-” Jungeun is overheating trying to explain herself, her hands now frantically moving as the girl becomes progressively embarrassed for no reason. Haseul laughs gently, and it stops Jungeun in her tracks. The older girl’s laugh is so melodic, like the chime of a bell. It’s pretty, to say the least.

“It wasn’t an accusation, Jungeun. It’s cute.” Haseul reassures, grinning at the younger girl. Jungeun’s heart stops. Man, I’m horrible with pretty girls. Jungeun exhales through her nose. Now’s not the time to be a dork, pour on the charm!

“My hands and I thank you!” Jungeun pulls out the finger guns again. While she isn’t in any way, shape or form as religious as Jinsol, Jungeun thinks she hears an angel when Haseul laughs wholeheartedly at the dorky display. Jungeun can’t help but laugh too. After it dies down, Jungeun decides she’s tired of just hearing herself talk. “Hey so uh, you wanna study law right? I think I remember you mentioning it in a class.” Jungeun watches as Haseul’s eyes shine. The older girl notes how well Jungeun pays attention to details.

“I do,” Haseul beams, eyes then looking over the track in front of them as she continues. “Ever since I was a kid, I was attracted to the concept of justice, sticking up for others.” As Haseul is talking, Jungeun admires the older girl. As opposed to Jinsol, her faith appears on her body in the form of small, cross shaped earrings. More subtle, and they compliment her strong jawline. Seriously, this girl has to be carved from the greek gods themselves, she’s gorgeous. Jungeun watches as Haseul’s eyebrows furrow, the older girl turning her head back to Jungeun suddenly. “This world needs more people seeking out what’s right, don’t you think?”

“Of course, yeah.” Jungeun tries to play off her awkward staring. Haseul is smiling at her, that’s a good sign that she wasn’t caught. Or maybe she was, and Haseul is gracious enough to not point it out.

“What do you want to do after graduation, Jungeun?” Haseul asks, hand on her palm as she looks to the younger girl with rapt attention.

“That’s a great question, I don’t have a clue!” Jungeun impulsively says the first thought that comes to her head, followed by nervous laughter. Good one, idiot! Haseul is laughing with her though, and comes to her aid.

“I don’t believe that. You’re very smart, Jungeun,” Jungeun blushes at the praise as Haseul continues, “You could definitely go off of a swim scholarship if you joined the team. Is there anything else you’re really into?” Jungeun ponders for a moment as she responds.

“I think I’ll keep swimming as a hobby,” she wrings her hands as she continues. “But I’d be interested in studying psychology, maybe sociology or even philosophy.” Haseul raises an eyebrow at Jungeun’s answer.

“You want to know why people behave as they do, I assume.” Haseul muses, Jungeun nodding soon after. “Why, planning to be a serial killer? Learn what makes people tick?” Haseul’s odd joke earns a punch on the shoulder from Jungeun. The older girl keeps her surprise under wraps. I didn't know we were at that level yet, but I’ll take it.

“Maybe I do, and you’re first on the list.” Jungeun fires back with a fake-menacing glare, soon deflating as Haseul coos about how cute she is. “Whatever,” Jungeun mumbles, pink cheeks becoming a permanent part of her appearance. “But yeah, I would like to be a social worker or something, maybe. Helping people in that way.” Haseul hums, nodding.

“You’d definitely be the best in the business.” The two share more of their personal lives. Haseul is very easy to talk to, Jungeun finds. The older girl is very cool and collected, and a great listener. Haseul is your typical suburban church going kid, as her parents have a lot of money and she happily attends church every sunday. But as a twist, her parents know she’s gay and are fully accepting of her. Well, that’s not too uncommon where they’re from, but it’s still great to hear. Haseul is an only child like Jungeun, and as a result she’s extremely spoiled, she admits. Jungeun muses that Haseul’s parents must own one of the bigger houses on the other end of the neighborhood, probably not too far from Jinsol’s. “So, your mom is religious and you aren’t, but you still are okay with attending school here?” Haseul questions Jungeun’s unique situation.

“Yeah, it’s weird, I know. She’s completely fine with me being gay and all but wants me to understand religion more. It’s not a problem with me though, I’m open to it.” Jungeun takes her hands out of her hoodie pocket, smoothing her hair back. Haseul notices she does that at certain points if attention has been on her for a while. Haseul’s good at studying people, too.

“I respect you for that,” Haseul admits honestly. “Even if you aren’t Catholic, it’s pretty admirable for you to be open and willing to listen to and read scripture.” Fine, I’ll bite the bullet, Haseul thinks. “But how did you get roped into Jinsol’s Bible study? I heard she hasn’t been the most persuasive.” Haseul has been there a few times, walking down the hallway or looking from afar as Jungeun rejects Jinsol’s offer. She can’t really blame her though, as Jinsol has been straight up annoying in her asking. It’s kind of pathetic to her, but Haseul would never admit that.

“Sooyoung,” Jungeun replies. Haseul lets out a small ‘ah’ as the younger girl keeps going. “You know she’s a lot better at convincing people to do things.” Haseul grimaces. All the times that Sooyoung has swindled her out of money for food and false promises of paying her back come to mind.

“Oh trust me, I know. She’d make a great cult-leader.” That joke definitely catches Jungeun off guard, causing her to yell out a ‘whoa!’ Haseul giggles at Jungeun’s surprise. “Yeah I can make that joke, I know what you’re thinking.”

“Damn, mind-reader.” Fuck, I should’nt have said damn. Jungeun looks to haseul nervously. The older girl’s soft smile melts her worry away.

“Your emotions are plain as day on your face, you’re adorable. I don’t care if you say that word, even if I refuse to use it. I’m not the most uptight bible-thumper around here, we both know that.” There’s then a pause as Jungeun digests Haseul’s words. The older girl’s tone ended with a little bite to it under Haseul’s melodic voice, she notes. What exactly is Haseul and Jinsol’s relationship? “Come on,” Haseul ushers as she checks her phone, their free period coming to a close. “Let’s head back inside.”

The two girls walk to the school building in tow, chatting about their upcoming classes. Before they part ways, Haseul gives Jungeun her phone number.

“Let’s hang sometimes, alright?” Haseul shoots Jungeun a wink.

“Guess I’m not the only cornball around here, huh?” Jungeun dodges Haseul’s shoulder punch, only for it to be a fake-out and she gets jabbed in the ribs instead. She doubles over and screams dramatically in fake-anguish.

“Nope, it’s still just you. See you later, drama queen!” Haseul waves her junior goodbye as she walks off. Jungeun pouts as the older girl leaves, but she then smiles to herself, feeling satisfied as she walks to her next class. At least there’s a new friend she knows she has for sure.

-

“So, are you going to admit that you’ve been watching Haseul and Jungeun like a creep the whole period?” Sooyoung asks as she packs up her things, slinging her bag over her shoulder. Usually Jungeun spends her free period in the library with Sooyoung these days, but it seems that she opted to chill with Haseul today. That’s fine by Sooyoung, it means they can all hang together at some point. It’s obviously not fine with Jinsol, who looks like she’s giving herself a headache from minding someone else’s business that hard.

“I was not being a creep,” the blonde mumbles, eyes downcast as she shoves her books into her bag. “I just happened to look out of the window and they happened to be there.”

“You were looking the whole time, dumbass,” Jinsol glares at Sooyoung’s profanity, not that it ever stops Sooyoung. “you barely even touched your little notebook you scribble in. What’s in it anyway, love letters to Jungeun?”

“Enough,” Jinsol growls. Sooyoung puts her hands up in surrender. As the two leave the library, Sooyoung pipes back up.

“You know, if you’re mad about Jungeun spending time with another one of your friends that isn’t you, there’s one thing to do-” Sooyoung stops walking and looks at Jinsol who’s looking at her expectantly like she doesn’t know the answer already. “Talk to her.” Sooyoung deadpans. Jinsol sighs, agitated.

“I’m not sure if I-'' She shrinks under the scrutiny of Sooyung’s knowing gaze. “Okay fine, I’ll text her soon. Stop looking at me like that.” Sooyoung cheers at her internal victory and Jinsol rolls her eyes. So obnoxious. But she wouldn’t trade it for the world. Don’t tell Sooyoung that.

-

It’s 3:05 pm, and Sooyoung and Jungeun have left already. Jinsol grabs what she needs and shuts her locker, startling at who’s standing next to it. “Haseul, don’t scare me like that!” She scolds the brunette, who simply laughs at how jumpy Jinsol can get.

“Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya.” Haseul chuckles, standing there with her thumbs messing with her backpack straps. Haseul is always earnest in her emotions, Jinsol admires and envies her for it. She’s perfect in the ways Jinsol isn’t. She doesn’t get irrationally angry, she doesn’t hide from what scares her. Jinsol wishes she could be like that. And she’s afraid that they both know that as a fact, as Haseul always looks at her in a way that she can only describe as pity. She never likes it.

“What are you still doing around?” Jinsol doesn’t want that to come off too harshly, but unfortunately, she knows that her emotions can bleed into her words. It’s been like that ever since she got tangled with Jungeun, the younger girl has made her stress more and not keep her emotions in check. She meant the question innocently, as Haseul is usually gone in a flash, be it with other friends or by herself. Haseul masks any negative emotion that may have come her way with a polite smile. How is she so good at that?

“Just figured I’d check in with you, see how you’re doing. Is that so wrong?” Haseul’s smile is coy as she teases, but there’s something burning in her eyes that Jinsol isn’t quite sure she likes.

“I suppose it isn’t,” Jinsol composes herself. As much as she can, anyway. “I’m doing… alright.” Haseul doesn’t look convinced, eyebrows raising as to coax the truth out of Jinsol. The blond hates how good her close friends are at prying it out of her. ”Okay, I’m not the best. I… need to talk to Jungeun at some point soon. I’m nervous, I guess.” Haseul motions for Jinsol to walk outside with her as they continue talking.

“Don’t be nervous, just say what you need to. Jungeun is a great person after all, she’ll hear you out.” Haseul’s steps come to a halt as she looks up at Jinsol. The other girl’s hand is fidgeting with her newly-repaired necklace as she looks ahead with a blank stare. “Jinsol,” She grabs the blonde’s attention. She smiles softly to her, putting the taller girl at ease. “It’ll be fine.” Jinsol returns a timid smile back.

“Thanks, Seul. See you later.” Haseul watches as Jinsol walks off alone, even though they live a few houses down from each other. That girl, Haseul can’t begin to understand how her brain works. As Haseul begins walking herself, she thinks back to the most pleasant part of her school day: hanging out with Jungeun. The younger girl really is a gem, someone she’ll have to hold close. But now that she knows her better, there’s something gnawing at her. Out of all people, why Jinsol? Surely there’s better options out there. Surely there’s someone else that will accept themselves fully and not be detrimental to themselves and others. Surely, there’s- well, Haseul won’t entertain that thought any further for now. She made a deal with Sooyoung that they’ll try to get the two blind “lovebirds” together. We’ll see how successful that is.

-

After minutes of Jinsol rolling around her bed and Chaewon coming in to yell at her for mumbling to herself too loud, she does it.

To: Kim Jungeun: Hey, I’m ready to talk. Want to come over later? I understand if you don't.

Her heart almost leaps out of her chest when Jungeun responds not even five seconds later.

Kim Jungeun: of course I do :) Is 7 okay?

Jinsol texts a quick ‘sure’ back to her and almost screams directly afterwards. Okay, it’ll be fine. Just be honest, Just tell her that- Jinsol grips her necklace. Okay, baby steps. An apology and a little explanation is good at first.

Jinsol and Jungeun both steel themselves for what’s to come. Maybe a friendship is on the horizon, after all.

Chapter Text

Diplomacy has never been Jung Jinsol’s strong-suit.

She’s been used to being given what she wants, as her parents spoil her and Chaewon in exchange for never being home. The most contact she gets from them sometimes is a notification that money has been deposited onto her debit card. Besides that, she’s been used to having debates swayed in her favor or favors done for her due to her innocent, sweet church-girl persona. Now that isn’t to say that Jinsol’s faith is fabricated, but she knows how to play her cards under the guise of being sweet and gullible. This has been the case if she wants someone in her class to do something for her, or to convince one of the nuns to have more time on a project. Usually some fake tears or pleading gets things in her favor.

When it comes to actual arguments though, that’s a little harder. She’s always had anger problems, ever since she was a little girl. She’s had many arguments and screaming matches with her mother over the smallest thing. But, other than those times, she’s been able to distract herself with religion and use it as a tool to calm her down before anything gets too intense. Just a quick grip of the cross on her necklace and a few bible verses repeated in her head and she’s good to go.

That wasn’t the case in her outburst, or many outbursts, with Kim Jungeun.

Yes, she knows she’s wrong when they happen. As soon as she feels herself start to yell and her body starts to shake, she instantly feels regret. But she doesn’t know why it happens, why only in the last few months that her anger has gotten more unprecedented. Jungeun isn’t even a combative person herself. Sure, she talked back to Jinsol in their last dispute. But even so, she explained herself calmly after that, she never screamed at Jinsol like Jinsol did to her. But, Jinsol supposes, that there’s something in Jungeun that inspires such passion within her. The need to have herself seen and heard, even if it isn’t displayed in the healthiest way. She needs to mend that.

And what a perfect time to do so, with Kim Jungeun awkwardly sitting on her couch.

The younger girl was ushered in just a moment ago, Jinsol welcoming her with a tone a little less enthusiastic than it was at the bible study.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Despite her nerves, Jinsol still has to be a good host. Jungeun fidgets, hands displaying some nervousness while her face shows a neutral calm.

“Just water, please.” Jungeun’s sime is small, though sweet as ever. Polite and charming. Jinsol smiles softly to Jungeun as she goes to pour her a glass of water. Soon after, Jinsol joins her in the living room as she hands the girl her glass, Jungeun uttering a soft ‘thank you’ in response. Jungeun really seems to favor the loveseat as Jinsol sits on the couch across from her. They both drink in silence for a moment, eyes staying on each other’s bodies though flitting up to meet the other’s some time or another. Jungeun, of course, is the first to break the silence.
“So…” Jungeun begins, catching Jinsol’s attention. She wants to shrink under the blonde’s sharp gaze, but she doesn’t. Now’s not the time for nerves or hesitation. She makes eye contact with Jinsol, softening at how soft and tender those hazel eyes look. So we’re both scared for no reason. Great. Jungeun inhales and exhales quickly, before continuing, “We should be honest with each other,” she pauses for emphasis as she sees a flicker of panic on the older girl’s face. As quickly as it came, it goes. Jungeun continues. “Should I go first, or should you?”

Jinsol looks deep in thought, chewing her lip as she looks to the side for a brief moment.

That shouldn’t look so cute, Jungeun thinks. She snaps out of her lovesick stupor when Jinsol begins to speak slower and calmer than Jungeun has ever heard her do as the blonde girl looks back to Jungeun.

“I’ll go,” Jinsol starts. Jungeun notices that her hand drums on her thigh anxiously, not flying up to her cross necklace. Jinsol also sucks in a breath, exhaling shakily before she steadies herself. “I have a hard time expressing my emotions.”

Jungeun’s eyebrows shoot up. She wasn’t expecting brutal honesty right off the bat. Jinsol carries on, trying to ignore how her heart pangs at Jungeun’s expression. How is that surprising to her?

Jinsol remembers Jungeun’s point of honesty. She remembers sitting on this very couch days ago, hitting her sister after crying to her about how she wants to get close to Jungeun. She needs to use her words before all else this time.

“I don’t mean to get angry. It happens and I don't know how to control it.” She stares past Jungeun, to a random spot on the wall as she continues. “I’m sorry-” Eye contact, Jinsol. She locks eyes with the younger girl then, wanting to tear up as she sees nothing but patience and sympathy in those soft cinnamon eyes. Jinsol quickly reminds herself that though she will be honest with Jungeun, she doesn’t need to tell all just yet as they’re still not close friends. “I’m sorry for blowing up on you.” Jungeun’s expression becomes worried as Jinsol’s voice begins to tremble. The older girl refuses to let Jungeun see her cry. Not now, not ever. Deep breaths steady her once again. Jinsol chooses her next words carefully. “Besides Chaewon, God is the most important person in my life. My faith is the most important thing in my life. It’s the only constant, too. I know deep down that no one has to believe what I do, but since it’s so close to me, it makes me… frustrated when it’s challenged. So I freak out. It isn’t reasonable, I know. I need to work on it.” Jinsol closes her eyes for a moment, reminding Jungeun as the ocean once more as she inhales and exhales slowly and smoothly, just as a wave slowly crashing to shore. Jinsol’s eyes pierce Jungeun in a way that makes her heart race out of something that isn’t fear or annoyance. But Jungeun doesn’t know what it is. “We just became acquainted so I won’t say much more than that, but I did owe you an explanation at least. So, I’m sorry.”

Jinsol’s honest confession twists Jungeun’s heart up into knots. Her head is swimming, thoughts coming through at a rapid-fire rate. So that’s why she- She knows that- above all, one thought stands out.

Jung Jinsol is human.

Of course she always has been. But the fake smiles and masking her emotions under faux cheerfulness were never appealing to Jungeun. Jungeun was a fool to believe that they were there for no reason, to paint Jinsol as a mean-spirited person hiding behind religion as an excuse. While people do that, she now knows it’s not the case with Jinsol. Jinsol didn’t reveal all, but just enough for Jungeun to understand. Her empty house correlates with Jinsol’s favorite people being God and her sister. Jinsol doesn’t need to speak more on that if she doesn’t want to.

Now, Jungeun speaks.

“Jinsol…” She begins softly, trailing off as she’s unsure how to continue. What do you say to a girl that you’re attracted to who you kind of disliked but realized that there’s more than meets the eye to? Jinsol bared herself to Jungeun, and that’s not something Jungeun will easily forget. “Thank you.” Jungeun only says two words, gentle in delivery. That’s enough to send Jinsol into a spiral. The rest of Jungeun’s speech becomes white noise in Jinsol’s brain as she goes down.

Thank you? Jinsol thinks incredulously. What’re you thanking me for? For being a complete disaster with mommy and daddy issues who takes it out on everyone she loves? For blowing up on you even though you didn’t deserve it at all? Why did you agree to come here, you’d be so much better-

Time slows.

Jungeun’s hand is suddenly on Jinsol’s thigh.

Jungeun saw Jinsol’s tears before Jinsol felt them fall. She saw Jinsol’s body begin to tremble, heard sobs escape from it far before Jinsol realized what was going on.

“Jinsol-” Jungeun’s tone is urgent. I need her to calm down, I need her to hear me, I need her to be okay- Jungeun halts the worries in her head to tend to Jinsol’s own. Before she can continue, she hears Jinsol’s voice.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” Jinsol vomits out between sobs, inconsolable. She’s hyperventilating, trembling under Jungeun’s touch. The sight breaks Jungeun’s heart. Jungeun knows it’s best to not bother her for a moment, to let her get this out. She sits there for a few moments, hand still on Jinsol’s leg. Once Jinsol’s breathing slows, Jungeun speaks.

“Jinsol,” Jungeun begins again, hand now on Jinsol’s back, rubbing up and down soothingly. That seems to calm the older girl down more, as Jinsol’s breathing returns to its normal pace. “You’re okay,” Jungeun’s tone is delicate as she gingerly speaks to the older girl “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve been hard to say some of those things, I know.” Jinsol’s eyes finally meet Jungeun’s once again, now red and puffy from crying. “I know we have our differences, and I’m sorry to make you feel bad about yours in any way. I never want to harm you.” She continues to gently rub up and down Jinsol’s back, enjoying it just as much as the older girl is. “Thank you for apologizing. I forgive you.”

Before Jinsol can cry again, Jungeun does something that surprises the both of them.

Jungeun pulls Jinsol in for a hug.

Jungeun almost regrets it at first as she feels Jinsol tense. But then, Jinsol melts in Jungeun’s arms. She can’t be too surprised as she feels tears wet her shoulder, but she lets it happen. The two sit in silence for a few minutes, finding comfort in the other’s embrace.

A few minutes later, the silence is broken after the two split up from their embrace. Jinsol speaks first, surprising Jungeun. Her eyes are passionate once more as they lock eyes, Jinsol chuckling softly.

“You’re an angel, Kim Jungeun.” Jungeun freezes at the compliment. Is it because of her religion or… Jungeun’s cheeks can’t help but turn pink. Jinsol smiles softly at her, radiating warmth. “Thanks for being there for me.”

“It’s no problem,” Jungeun replies, a bit flustered. She swallows any gay panic with some ground rules. “Okay, from now on we’ll respect each other and be proper friends. Like friends who hang out and have fun and stuff. Deal?”

Butterflies find their way into Jinsol’s stomach. She actually wants to be friends after that? to hang out? With me? The undoubtedly charming grin that the undoubtedly handsome Kim Jungeun is giving her is proof enough, the younger girl’s words are real. Jinsol’s hand instinctively rushes up to her cross, but she drops it immediately. She returns Jungeun’s grin with a brilliant smile.

“Deal.”

-

The two spent an hour talking about anything and everything after that. Jungeun has slowly chipped through Jinsol’s armor. Like Sooyoung indicated before, Jinsol is a nerd. She likes watching sci-fi flicks and admitted rather adorably that she dressed up as Neo from The Matrix one year for halloween. She mentioned having a plethora of stuffed animals, though she isn’t ready to introduce Jungeun to them yet. Jungeun understands, those are her children after all. Jungeun also learned that Jinsol likes to swim too, just not as much as Jungeun. Jinsol blushed and agreed to Jungeun’s proposition of swimming together sometime. Soon after that, Jungeun was called home by her mom, since the woman wanted to see her daughter at least once during the day before starting her night shift. Jinsol nodded rather solemnly at that, Jungeun noticed. After another tender hug, Jinsol walked Jungeun out.

Minutes later, Jinsol finds herself grinning at her phone screen as she lies in bed, cuddling Tank, her hammerhead shark plushie.

Kim Jungeun: thanks for tonight. See ya tomorrow and sleep well, Jinsol :]

-

Jungeun finds herself sitting in a nearby park with Haseul, Jiwoo and Sooyoung. The trio picked up food from Sandy’s and invited her to a late night smoke session. Well, late night being 9 pm. It’s a school night, after all.

“So, what happened with you, pal?” Sooyoung asks after she takes a hit, passing the blunt to Jiwoo who’s cuddled up to her side as they sit on a picnic blanket. God, I wish that were me. “You were radio silent for hours.” Top detective Ha Sooyoung on the case, it seems.

“I was at Jinsol’s.” This startles the other three girls.

“How’d it go? Did you propose???” Jiwoo almost drops the blunt, giving her girlfriend- wait, are they there yet? Anyways, Sooyoung almost kills her. Jungeun almost has a heart attack at Jiwoo’s words. Haseul quietly takes the blunt out of Jiwoo’s hand.

“No, idiot!” Jungeun nearly screams at her best friend out of embarrassment. Sooyoung and Jiwoo laugh at her outburst. Haseul smiles only when Jungeun looks to her for sympathy. Jungeun huffs. “We talked things out,” the others listen intently as her tone grows serious. “It went really well, actually. She told me some things about herself and we understand each other better.” Jungeun smiles, remembering how chatty they were after the heavier conversation. “It was genuine and just really nice.” Sooyoung nods at her words, looking like a proud mom. Jiwoo is just giggling to herself, but she’s probably in support, too. Haseul-

“So, did she admit that she’s gay?” Haseul’s sudden cold tone causes a slight shift in the atmosphere. Jungeun recognizes that edge from the last time Jinsol was referenced between the two of them. Jungeun looks nervous. They didn’t talk about that topic… but maybe they will in time? Is Jinsol even gay? Does she support it? It could be possible since she’s kinder than she first appears but still it’s not confirmed-

“No, but-” Sooyoung stops Jungeun with a hand, then looking at Haseul.

“Relax, bro,” Sooyoung drawls as she snatches the blunt from Haseul’s hand and shoves a fry into the girl’s mouth. Jiwoo giggles maniacally at Haseul’s muffled cries of protest. “She hasn’t even admitted that shit to us, she won’t say anything to Jungeun yet. Let her take her time,” Sooyoung pauses to stick her tongue out at Haseul, who glares at her as she eats the fry. Sooyoung turns her gaze back to Jungeun. “It’s good that she opened up to you though,” Jungeun wonders how Sooyoung is still maternal and eloquent while she’s stoned. Practice, she guesses. “Our Jinsolie has a lot more to her than she lets on. She’s a good person.” Sooyoung finishes wistfully, taking a hit before passing it to Jungeun.

Jungeun, sweet, innocent Jungeun who isn’t paying attention, tries to smoke it from the wrong side and nearly burns her lips off.

Jiwoo’s laugh probably wakes up the whole neighborhood as she rolls over onto the blanket, clutching her stomach. Sooyoung is clowning her left and right, and Haseul, who isn’t enjoying this as nearly as the other two, chuckles just a bit.

Jungeun feels like she’s gonna burst into flames. Sure she’s embarrassed, but she’s grateful to have a nice group of friends now. Maybe Jinsol will join them next time. And not smoke, of course.

-

After 10 pm, Jungeun finds herself at home, in bed. After a lesson from Sooyoung, she properly smoked the blunt and is now pleasantly high as she watches whatever’s on tv. Cooking shows are her preference, can’t go wrong with them. However, her eyes are feeling as heavy as ever. Right as she shuts them, her phone goes off. Groggily, she checks who it is.

Jo Haseul: [image attached]

Jo Haseul: sleep tight, cutie.

Jungeun now feels restless as she looks at the picture before her. It’s Haseul in a tank top, blowing a kiss at her. God, she doesn’t even try to hide how gorgeous she is, it’s nuts! Jungeun’s face then heats up. Wait, cutie? Surely that was just a platonic term, she probably calls Sooyoung that. And most definitely Jiwoo. She’s the cutest person Jungeun knows. Well, besides Jinsol. Speaking of Jinsol, Jungeun can’t wait to see her again, even if it’s just tomorrow morning at school. She responds with a quick ‘you too!’ with a sunglasses/fire emoji combo, then promptly falls asleep, the dazzling smile of Jung Jinsol on her mind.

Chapter Text

hey y’all, Ao3 murders the quality so I’m not posting it here but I drew yveseul as they appear here so here’s a link: https://twitter.com/g0theye/status/1353903196025065472?s=21
once again, thanks for reading and giving kudos and stuff, thanks for the motivation
glad y’all are liking the story :]
share thoughts if you want, see ya next update

Chapter Text

Sooyoung has always had great intuition.

It’s one of her natural-born talents, or a God-given gift, perhaps. Her gut feeling has never failed her. Whenever she had a bad feeling about her sister’s partner at the time, she’d tell her straight up. Every time, without fail, that person would turn out to be a total jerk in some way, shape or form. Her sister now uses Sooyoung to sniff out a good love interest in her like some sort of bloodhound. And it works, because Sooyoung has no qualms with her sister’s current boyfriend. He’s a nice fella.

However, Sooyoung wishes whatever she’s feeling in her gut right now is a false alarm.

She sits with Haseul in their second class of the day, Economics. It bores the he- the heck out of Sooyoung, but the work is easy enough. She may not be Jinsol, but she does like math here and there, especially used in real-world settings. Anyways, Haseul is usually laser-focused on her work like the A+++ student she is. Seriously, she’s that good. Everyone knows she’s going to Harvard. But now, instead of reading over her notes and whatever other nerdy shit Haseul does while their teacher isn’t speaking, she’s on her phone.

 “Yo, Seul,” Sooyoung whispers, loud enough to catch the younger girl’s attention. Once Haseul’s head snaps up, Sooyoung expresses her curiosity. “What’s got you buried in your phone? New chick I don’t know about?” Sooyoung says the last sentence with a slight chuckle, waggling her eyebrows. She ignores the stares she’s getting from their classmates as her friend begins to speak.

 “Something like that,” Haseul’s grin is small, though there’s a lot behind that grin that Sooyoung can’t quite decipher. “Nah, I’m just texting Jungie.” Jungie? She’s never that comfortable with people she’s only recently met. Sooyoung further studies how fast Haseul’s fingers are moving and the fact that her grin is only getting wider. Maybe I’m wrong just this once. Maybe she’s just excited to have a new friend, that’s all. Yeah, that’s it. Sooyoung’s attention then snaps back to their teacher, who is now continuing with the lecture.

-

 “So,” Sooyoung begins as she and Haseul leave their economics class, making a pit-stop at Haseul’s locker as she switches out some things between it and her bag. “You wanna study for our eco exam in our free period today?” Sooyoung loathes studying, but Haseul always makes it better. The girl is insanely good at relaying information in just the right way to make it memorable. Plus, Sooyoung always smuggles snacks into the library. That’s her favorite part. To her surprise, Haseul declines.

 “Nah,” Haseul, the usual pain in her ass about getting good grades responds, “I think I’m gonna try to tag along with Jungie and sit outside together again. Well maybe she can read over my notes with me or something but,” Haseul pouts. And it would’ve been adorable if Sooyoung didn’t want to rip her hair out right now. “She hasn’t responded yet.” Oh no. No no no-  “Seulie,” Sooyoung whines. Haseul rolls her eyes as she closes her locker. “It’s coming up in a few days. I know you always want to be on top of your game.” Last ditch effort, here goes nothing. Sooyoung makes puppy dog eyes at Haseul. The younger girl almost crumbles, but this puppy ain’t so successful this time. Haseul steels herself and looks away from the adorable- yet cringeworthy- display.

 “Sorry, Soo,” Haseul sighs. “I really wanna see what Jungeun is up to, you know how making new friends is. Maybe after school?” Sooyoung’s cute expression goes away, replaced with a grimace. She’ll be damn- uh, there’s no way in he- uh, she absolutely hates study sessions outside of school. Schoolwork stays at school, playtime anywhere else. That’s Sooyoung’s motto, Haseul should know that. This isn’t sounding too good.

 “Yeah uh… I’ll talk to you later, Seul.” Sooyoung waves Haseul off as she departs from the younger girl’s locker.

Unfortunately, it seems like her intuition wins again.

-

Jungeun stands in the locker room, toweling her hair after another nice swim session. It seems Haseul stuck with her friends this time. The older girl’s visit was unexpected, but turned into a very pleasant time. However, Jungeun usually doesn’t like people around when she’s swimming. It’s a sanctuary for her… or something of the sort. After she hangs up her towel and tugs some socks and shoes on, she once again hears the unmistakable sound of shoes hitting tile.

 “Jungeun!” Jungeun looks up to see that Haseul is now in front of her, her warm smile heating up the room. Of course Haseul participates in gym because duh she’s a straight A student, but Jungeun doesn’t see an ounce of physical exertion on this girl’s body. Incredible.

 “Hey, Seul.” Jungeun’s tone is soft as she finishes tying up her laces, then hopping up to her feet. “What’s up?”

What a cutie-pie, Haseul thinks as she admires the girl in front of her, who’s currently looking at her with a raised eyebrow. Oh yeah, she has to respond.

 “Just seeing what you’re up to.” Haseul responds, hand fidgeting with the strap of her messenger bag. She takes in Jungeun’s mussed up hair. That’s definitely a sight she wants to get used to.

 “Just finishing my transformation from manatee to human, it’s a delicate process.” Jungeun says that with a faux-serious expression, nodding her head as a confirmation.

Haseul laughs. Maybe too hard.

 “You’re one of the funniest people I know, Jungeun.” Haseul smiles sweetly, still giggling. Jungeun flushes slightly, a tad bit surprised by the hefty praise.

 “Why thanks,” Jungeun chuckles lowly herself, “Let’s get outta here.”

-

A second later, they’re in the hallway. Just as Haseul is about to pop a question, Jungeun’s phone vibrates loudly in her blazer pocket.

 “Sorry, one sec.” Usually Jungeun doesn’t get many texts during school, so it must be important.

Swan Lake: yo I know seul wants to hang w you but we have an exam to study for.  Do me a solid and curve her ass, I’ll buy you a shake later! Thanks bud

Jungeun makes an ‘o’ shape with her mouth, then nodding slowly. She won’t let her partner in crime down. But what excuse is she gonna make up? Jungeun has always been a bad liar.

 “Something the matter?” Haseul inquires, head tilting cutely.

 “Oh, no it was just-” Quick! Jungeun scans the hallway, eyes then landing upon a familiar flash of blonde hair. That’s it! “Jinsol!” Jungeun calls from across the hallway. Both Haseul and Jinsol are startled as Jinsol whips her head around, eyebrows furrowing in that cute upturned way Jungeun likes. Jungeun beams at her, and Jinsol feels her heart skip a beat. Jungeun ushers her over with a hand, not catching Haseul’s growing aura of discomfort next to her. “I just got your text, you wanna go chill in the courtyard this period?”

Jinsol can’t say she entirely knows what’s going on, but Jungeun is asking her to hang out right now. This would be their first meeting without some awkward text beforehand, or without it just being in a class. She notices Haseul next to Jungeun, standing way too close to her for her liking. Of course she’s in. 

 “Of course!” Jinsol’s eyes light up at the relieved expression on Jungeun’s face. She then notes the blank expression on Haseul’s. “You okay, Seulie?” Jinsol shows genuine worry. She knows how bad it feels to be left out, but Jungeun probably had a reason for only inviting her, right? 

While Sooyoung’s puppy expression was fabricated, Jinsol’s is not. Seeing her friend worry over her presently makes her head hurt as Haseul definitely wouldn’t do the same if the positions were switched. She’s such an idiot-

 “I’m fine,” Haseul exhales, straightening out. “I just remembered I have to go meet Soo in the library, anyways.” Her smile is tight, it would’ve been completely forced if not for the apologetic one Jungeun shoots at her. “I’ll see you girls later.” With that Haseul walks off, leaving the pair alone.

 “Shall we go?” Jungeun leads Jinsol outside.

-

The two find themselves seated in the school’s main courtyard, centered on the campus as the building surrounds it. Being that they go to a fancy private catholic school, the courtyard is nothing short of beautiful. A large ornate fountain sits in the middle, carvings of gargoyles spouting the water out from their maws. Neatly trimmed bushes wrap around the perimeter, covered in every exotic flower the school could get their hands on. Jungeun and Jinsol sit together on one of the benches nearest to the fountain, getting sprayed every once in a while as they chatter about their classes from earlier in the day.

 “Not that I don’t want to hang out with you,” Jinsol starts, and tries not to giggle at Jungeun, staring at her with an exaggerated pout. “But I didn’t text you, y’know.” Jinsol holds her phone up as proof, showing no new messages between her and Jungeun.

 “Haven’t you heard of a bluff? That was my first time doing it actually, worked pretty well, huh?” Jungeun puffs her chest out proudly, hands on her hips. Jinsol openly laughs at her, and Jungeun would put in the effort to be fake offended again if not for how beautiful Jinsol looks when she’s really happy. Well she always looks beautiful but that’s not the point. Jungeun clears her throat and her mind as she explains herself. “Soo texted me and told me that Haseul wanted to hang with me- which she probably would’ve asked- but they have an exam to study for so I had to turn her down. And that’s where-” Jungeun points at Jinsol dramatically, her finger entirely in the other girl’s space, “you came in! I figured if I was gonna say something it’d have to be legit, and I wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to chill with you.” Jungeun finishes, showing Jinsol the dorkiest smile she’s seen so far on the girl. And she would be lying if she said she doesn’t want it to get any dorkier.

 “You could’ve said you’re busy with something else, y’know.” Jinsol’s tone holds no malice as she laughs and blushes profusely, eyes avoiding Jungeun’s. That Kim Jungeun, somehow always saying something that will stick with her for who knows how long.

Jungeun misreads Jinsol’s tone.

Jungeun frowns.Was I actually bothering her? She probably had something more important to do, I know how focused she is when she’s at school.

 “Sorry if I bothered you.” Jungeun’s tone is suddenly soft and sad, eyes downcast. Jinsol doesn’t like it at all. A face that gorgeous has no business wearing such a sorrowful expression. Her hand lingers around her cross, only gripping it gently as she then removes it to delicately place it on Jungeun’s shoulder. She didn’t think she herself was ready for initiating skinship yet, but this is a situation that requires it.

 “Hey look at me,” Jinsol’s tone is a comforting one, one that Jungeun hasn’t had the pleasure of hearing until right now. The brunette looks up, eyes shining with uncertainty. The presence of Jinsol’s hand on her shoulder definitely hasn’t gone unnoticed, she’s willing a full-body blush down as hard as she can. “It meant to be playful, sorry if it didn’t sound that way. I’d love to hang out with you a whole lot more, actually.” 

Jinsol is shocked at her own words, not expecting the honest truth to just flow out of her. Jungeun soon breaks out into that stunning smile Jinsol has grown to love. Love? Maybe that’s too strong of a word. She just has a pretty smile, that’s all. And such nice lips, seriously-

Jungeun watches as Jinsol’s hand flies to her cross yet again.

 “Well then, I could say likewise.” Jungeun’s staring at her so affectionately that Jinsol feels like her heart may explode. 

Then, Jungeun catches her off guard.

 “Not to be weird but,” Jungeun points to Jinsol’s cross. “I notice you always grip your necklace. Is that like…” Jungeun pauses, going through the hypotheses in her head. “You’re looking for strength in the Lord when you need it?.”

Jungeun’s lack of religious knowledge irritated Jinsol not too long ago, but now it’s her saving grace. Jinsol freezes slightly.How would I explain it? I’m not sure myself, to be honest with her. It’s just that whenever I think of Jungeun laughing or smiling or looking at me like I’m important- Jinsol has to stop herself from doing it again.

Jinsol smiles at Jungeun as genuinely as she can, masking any panic that looms underneath. 

 “Yeah, something like that. It’s nice to seek assurance from Him when I need it.” Well, she isn’t lying completely. That answer seems to satisfy Jungeun as she nods, humming.

 “Yeah, I get you. That’s pretty sweet.” Jungeun holds her hand up as she remembers something. “Oh yeah, look what I got!” Jungeun seems to be full of surprises today as she leans down to unzip her backpack, pulling out something Jinsol certainly didn’t expect.

A brand new copy of the Holy Bible.

Jinsol sits before Jungeun, stunned.

Jungeun notices, and in a Jungeun fashion, begins to ramble nervously.

 “Yeah, it’s cause I didn’t like the thought of having to share Soo’s at the next bible study- and I want to read ahead on my own time. I want to make some better educated guesses at what the messages of the tales are so I don’t look goofy… I know your sister would laugh-”

 “Jungeun.” Jinsol’s voice is unsteady. Jungeun looks to her in concern.

 “Yeah?”
 “I…” Jinsol trails off, almost completely at a loss for words. “That’s wonderful.”

Jungeun’s heart rate speeds up from the way Jinsol is looking at her. Jinsol looks like she’s falling in love. But that can’t be… nah, no way. We’re just friends and we just made up like yesterday.

 “So…” Jungeun cracks the book open. “You wanna read some right now? I’d like to have a little one on one session out in this beautiful weather- but only if you don’t mind!”

Jinsol thinks she’s died and gone to heaven.

-

Sooyoung wants to be a ballet instructor. She knows, it’s unexpected. Or at least some sort of dance teacher. She loves dancing and she kind of loves kids. It doesn’t seem like a bad deal.

Sooyoung knows she definitely doesn’t want to be a lawyer. Why? She can’t stand debates. And worse, it would be a nightmare to go against Jo Haseul.

The two sit at the library table, staring each other down over their finished economics notes. Now that they’re well prepared for their exam, another matter is brought to the metaphorical table.

 “Jinsol looked a little bit taken aback when Jungeun said to her that they’re hanging out,” Haseul narrows her eyes at Sooyoung, who’s face remains impassive. “Almost like she wasn’t expecting it, isn’t that weird?”

Sooyoung knows she can’t tell Haseul that she gave Jungeun an order to shake her off. She wouldn’t hear the end of it. Besides actually having to study for this dreaded exam, she’s not enjoying the gut feeling she’s getting about Haseul in Jungeun’s company. She may hate debates, but she’s decent at chess. Sooyoung smiles softly at Haseul, laughing quietly.

 “Yeah, but you know Jinsol, she forgets where she was two minutes ago sometimes. For a smart girl, she has the memory of a goldfish.” Sooyoung replies smoothly.

Fuck. Haseul can’t argue that Jinsol really is forgetful.

 “Still,” Haseul sighs. “I was looking forward to hanging out with Jungeun.”

Sooyoung narrows her eyes right back at Haseul. Why so much urgency?

 “You should’ve been looking forward to studying with me, bestie,” Sooyoung cheekily replies as Haseul grumbles. I’m wearing her down, Sooyoung thinks. Now, for a risky move. “What,” Sooyoung’s tone is that teasing one that Haseul can’t stand. “You got a crush on her or something?”

As a soon to be lawyer, Haseul knows that she shouldn’t let her feelings get the best of her in an argument. But goodness gracious, though she sort of expected Sooyoung to ask that, she couldn’t stop the butterflies that materialized in her stomach. Do I? It wouldn’t be unlikely, Jungeun is such a hottie. But I can’t let Sooyoung know that, she’ll try to steer me away from that because of Jinsol-

There it is.

It wasn’t there for long, but it was there. A scowl on Haseul’s face.

Checkmate.

Sooyoung smirks inwardly. Haseul hasn’t caught onto her own mistake.

 “Of course not,” Haseul says slowly, as she tries to compose herself, “We have to get her and Jinsol together, isn’t that right?” Sooyoung detects a hint of bitterness in Haseul’s tone. She knows she’s already won.

 “Yeah, you’re right.” Sooyoung answers as she gets up. Like the smug bastard she is, she decides to add salt to the wound. “Hey, they’re already hanging out by themselves. Maybe they’re doing our job for us.”

To Haseul’s credit, she doesn’t budge that time. Just a mask of indifference as she too gets up from the table.

 “Maybe.” Is all Haseul says. “See you later, Soo.” For the second time today, Haseul walks away feeling less than satisfied.

Sooyoung watches her friend leave. Well, this throws a wrench in her plans, and hopefully it won’t throw one in her friends’ friendship. 

If there’s one thing, Sooyoung can say that her intuition remains spot on.

Chapter Text

Haseul hasn’t asked for much in her 17 years of life.

Well, that’s mainly because everything has been handed to her.

Her parents almost completely erased the word ‘no’ from their vernacular when Haseul was just a toddler. While she was an only child, of course she was going to be spoiled to the high heavens. After Yeojin came along, she was doted on less but still showered in praise and gifts from her parents. They’re quite wealthy, after all. Haseul loves to be spoiled, but she knows to not take it for granted. She knows to pay her parents back however she can. She’s always received the best grades in school, always basking in praise from her parents and teachers alike. Since she’s a go-getter, she’s had no problems making friends and blossoming into a social butterfly. Hardworking, sociable and beautiful to boot.

On paper, Jo Haseul seems like the perfect student, the perfect daughter.

However, everyone has to have their flaws.

Sure, Haseul can be seen as vain. She’s rich, she's gorgeous, she has everything she wants. Well, almost everything.

Haseul knows she’s lucky to have her parents fully support her sexuality. She was a bit nervous to come out to them, though she knew for the most part that her family wouldn’t disown her. She’s their eldest, and she knows they’re more than proud of her academic performance and how she is a person. She never knew if they had marriage plans for her but she was very relieved to find out that they don’t. So, she’s free to be who she is.

The problem is finding someone who she can be who she is with.

Around middle school, she met Sooyoung.

Haseul remembers almost being blinded by Sooyoung’s dazzling smile. The two met in one of her afternoon classes, when Sooyoung promptly approached Haseul with “Hi, you’re really pretty and probably super smart, I’d like to be your friend! Also help me with this, please?” While Sooyoung always had… a certain way with her words, she has always had great charisma and a gravitational pull around her. Since then, the two have become best friends. Haseul found out pretty early on that Sooyoung is gay too, and was very happy to find that out. Though Haseul admittedly had a small crush on Sooyoung, she knew they’d be better off as close friends.

Before Sooyoung, there was Jung Jinsol.

Jinsol and Haseul’s relationship was less organic than Sooyoung and Haseul’s relationship. Whereas Sooyoung bombarded Haseul in their 7th grade biology class, Jinsol and Haseul were arranged to meet. Their parents have been friends for years and years, apparently. Being in the same small neighborhood in the suburbs and going to the same church will do that to you. Since they’re the same age, she and Jinsol were around each other as babies, and grew up together. There have been countless playdates and times where the two have had to be together at church.

Haseul shares two things in common with Jinsol: her class status and her faith.

That’s about it.

There is an obvious third: their sexuality. But that’s where one of her gripes with Jinsol comes in. Jinsol is of course an objectively good person; she tries to be, of course. Haseul has admired how dedicated she is to their faith, and admires how she is also strong academically and tries to do the best for her family.

What Haseul dislikes about Jinsol is her inability to communicate her emotions well. That and how Jinsol is probably using God to hide in the closet for eternity.

Haseul knows she herself isn’t perfect but goodness, can’t Jinsol try a little harder? She knows that Jinsol is gay, she’s seen and.. experienced Jinsol’s feelings on the matter. But she won’t dwell on that latter part any more than the few years she has been. She’s not a fan of Jinsol’s unpredictable emotions, nor the fact that she’s unable to tell even her best friends the truth. Haseul and Sooyoung are also devout catholics and open about their sexuality with each other, why can’t Jinsol be? It would be better if she just gave it to them straight instead of freaking out and taking her emotions out on other people, it’s more than pathetic to Haseul at this point.

So, Haseul and Jinsol are bound by familial ties, and that’s about it. Though, she pities Jinsol, so she hangs out with her from time to time. The girl isn’t half bad when she’s calm. Though Haseul isn’t a huge science person, she does like hearing Jinsol go on about what she’s passionate about. That helps distract her from what she doesn’t like.

At one point, Haseul would’ve been interested in Jinsol. But as time went on, that just isn’t possible.

“Come on, you old hag!” Yeojin huffs as she almost zooms out the door, eager to see Chaewon and Yerim. Haseul rolls her eyes and puts her shoes on, soon following suit.

There’s no time to think about Jinsol’s negative qualities while she’s going to her bible study. After all, that’s a time where Haseul likes her best. Plus, Haseul enjoys their new recruit.

As the days have gone by, she’s been more and more into Jungeun. The girl is adorable, and just the right amount of dorky. Haseul feels completely comfortable already, Jungeun is just a cozy person. After sharing selfies every night and long text conversations about anything and everything, Haseul thinks she may want more. After the bible study, she may ask Jungeun out on a date. She’ll save herself and tack on an ‘as friends’ if need be, but she’ll go for it anyway, regardless of Jinsol and Sooyoung.

Haseul is snapped out of her thoughts by Yeojin as the younger girl swings open the door to Jinsol’s house, bounding in to see her friends.
“Hey guys.” Jinsol greets with an easy smile, shutting the door behind the sisters.

“Hey, Soul.” Haseul returns her smile, Yeojin had already disappeared up to Chaewon’s room, so that leaves Haseul to get cozy on the couch. Haseul and Yeojin are always the first to arrive, save for Yerim who is usually home with Chaewon anyways. Sooyoung shows up a bit later, and now they know that she’ll be bringing Jungeun with her from now on.

So, that often leaves Jinsol and Haseul together for a bit.

“Want a drink?” It’s ingrained in Jinsol at this point to be as hospitable as she can, though she already knows Haseul’s answer.

“Water, please.”
“Water, please.”

They say it in unison, with Jinsol imitating Haseul’s voice, making her own a tad higher and nasally. Jinsol then laughs like a nerd at Haseul’s pouting.

“Shut up,” Haseul grumbles with a smile still creeping onto her face. See, this is nice. She likes these little moments with Jinsol. “And a bowl of chips while you’re at it, blondie.”

“Hey!” Jinsol protests, huffing. “Where have your manners gone? Besides, you know Soo is in charge of snacks and she shows up later.”

“We really shouldn’t leave her in charge of snacks.” Haseul deadpans.

“No, we shouldn’t.” Jinsol agrees, stomach rumbling.

-

Jungeun and Sooyoung arrive not too much longer after that. Everything is fine and dandy until that itching feeling returns to Haseul again.

It first came to her in their greetings. Haseul saw shared bashful smiles in Jinsol and Jungeun’s greetings to each other. Now, it returns in a stronger wave as the study goes on.

Haseul is seated on the couch next to Sooyoung, as always. Jungeun is across from them, claiming the Jung’s white loveseat once again. Jinsol sits on her black kitchen chair she always drags to the living room. Jinsol is currently prattling off proverbs.

“A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart.’” Jinsol recites a proverb. “That’s one of my favorites,” she adds with a gentle smile. Jungeun’s making heart eyes at her and Haseul wants to gag.

“Of course it’s a favorite of yours.” Haseul masks her biting comment in a more sarcastic tone. Luckily, it goes over Jinsol’s head.

“Hush.” The blonde scolds Haseul playfully, glaring at her in faux anger. While the older Jung misread Haseul’s tone, the younger one did not.

Chaewon eyes Haseul suspiciously.

Before Jinsol can read on, she’s interrupted by an eager participant.

“To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.” Jungeun enunciates clearly and smoothly, the sentence rolling off her tongue. She basks in Jinsol’s proud stare. “That’s a favorite of mine,” Jungeun adds bashfully. “You know that already, Sol.” She grins at the blonde.

“Oh I know,” Jinsol giggles. Before Haseul could get more irritated, Jinsol looks at her with a smile that’s all too lovable. “It’s Seulie’s favorite, too. With her being a future lawyer, and all.”
“That’s true.” Haseul adds, looking to Jungeun more to Jungeun than Jinsol.

“Can we stop with the gay shit already and continue? We have a movie to watch later.” Chaewon grumbles, Yerim promptly smacking her in the shoulder afterwards. Chaewon already knew what reaction that would get from her sister.

“Chaewon,” Jinsol hisses. It’s more about the cursing, Jinsol thinks. She's lying to herself, but anyway. She ignores the implication of her and Jungeun’s dialogue to each other. “Language.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Her sister mumbles. However, Sooyoung decides to join in.

“You lovebirds need to save it for your bedroom, Sol.” Sooyoung teases. She also of course wants Jinsol to come out to them, but unlike Haseul, she knows the blonde will do so at her own pace. But goodness, is it fun to prod at her and tease her. And Jungeun, who is as red as can be.

“We are not-”

“Hey!”

Jinsol and Jungeun interject at the same time. They both freeze afterwards, looking at each other and then looking away soon after. Sooyoung laughs openly at them, almost doubling over. Chaewon joins in, no longer bothered by the hold-up and entertained by how her sister looks like she’ll piss herself. Yerim’s giggles are a bit more contained.

Haseul isn’t laughing.

The laughter dies down within a few moments.

“Okay,” Jinsol clears her throat. “No more of that, let’s continue.”

“You’re the one who started it, fruitcake.” Yerim raining down punches on Chaewon’s arm feels worth it as the younger blonde giggles maniacally.

“Shut up!” Jinsol is way beyond flustered, fingers anxiously rubbing at her cross. Jinsol takes a deep breath, then exhales. “Please stop for now, Chae.”

Chaewon likes to tease her sister. Jinsol knows it’s in good fun, even if she doesn’t comment on certain things. But after Jinsol’s confession the other day, she decides to not go any further on that. The older girl looks like she may have a panic attack. It saddens Chaewon that Jinsol can’t fully accept herself, but she knows that there’s no predicting how their parents will react to not one, but two lesbian daughters. Chaewon can hope for indifference again at the least, but she isn’t too sure.

“Alright sorry, Soul. Go ahead.” Chaewon waves her hand at her sister, sinking into Yerim’s side.

Jinsol’s heart pangs at seeing her sister snuggled up to her girlfriend.

Yes, her girlfriend. Jinsol knows that’s what they are. But she can never say it, it never leaves her mouth. Chaewon has a girlfriend, Sooyoung has a girlfriend, and by the Lord she wants to be Jungeun’s girlfriend but she can’t because she doesn’t want to lose everything-

Jinsol is hyperventilating.

Jungeun worries immediately. She goes to rush at her side, but Sooyoung beats her to it. Junguen sits back down, relieved at how quickly Sooyoung is taking care of their friend. There go those great motherly instincts.

“Hey, hey breathe.” Sooyoung’s hand is on Jinsol’s back, rubbing up and down just how Jungeun did days prior. It steadies the older girl immediately. “You okay?” Sooyoung asks softly.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Jinsol nods, reassuring herself more than everybody else. Sooyoung stays for just a moment more before going back to her spot on the couch. Jinsol grabs a bottle of water from the floor next to her and soon picks up where they left off.

-

Haseul is beyond aggravated at Jinsol once again freaking out for no reason. Stop being a pussy, Jinsol, she thinks as she watches the girl in question continue to look shyly over at Jungeun. If she could just tell Jungeun, there would be no reason to worry herself to death. And plus, she’s stopping Jungeun from actually finding someone who can be with her without any irrational fear or worry. Someone dependable. Someone like- That’s it.

She won’t let Jinsol’s cowardice be her downfall again.

Haseul decides she has to take matters into her own hands. Jinsol needs to just come out with it instead of almost giving herself a heart attack. Haseul raises from her seat. She’s doing this to get a rise out of Jinsol, but also for her own benefit.

Haseul lands herself right into Jungeun’s lap.

“Is this seat taken?” Haseul’s flirting nearly falls on deaf ears. Jungeun is scarlet, the older girl’s action highly unexpected.

“Uh…” Jungeun trails off very quietly.

Sooyoung was right, she’s the superior chess player between her and Haseul.

That was definitely a wrong move.

Save for Haseul, everyone notes how uncomfortable Jungeun looks.

Especially Jinsol. Oh God, does Jinsol notice it.

Jinsol squares her shoulders, taking a deep breath.

“‘For it is not an enemy who insults me,” This isn't a proverb. Jinsol is quoting Psalm 55 from memory, casting her Bible aside. She begins to rise from her chair, body beginning to shake in anger. Chaewon gets up immediately.

“Sollie-”

“I could have handled that-” Jinsol continues, now straining against Chaewon’s hold.

Haseul smirks at her, though not completely satisfied. Jinsol is angry, though she isn't fessing up. Just spouting more Bible verses. Of course.

Haseul sinks back into Jungeun. Her staring at Jinsol's face of blatant anger causes her to ignore Jungeun's growing anxiety.

“Nor is it someone who hates me and who now arises against me-” Jinsol’s breathing is ragged, fuming as she tries to lunge at Haseul, now both Chaewon and Sooyoung restraining her.

“Get up, you asshole!” Sooyoung barks at Haseul.

“I didn’t hear Jungeun say I should.” Haseul replies camly, looking down at Jungeun, who looks mortified. Haseul looks in her eyes. “Do you want me to, Jungeun?”

Jungeun’s eyes dart between Haseul’s scarily calm behavior and Jinsol’s unbridled rage. Her panic is building by the second.

“I-” Jungeun starts, interrupted by Jinsol.

“But it is you!” Jinsol forgoes a line, eking out of the girls’ hold just enough to grab onto Haseul’s collar, pulling her forward and forcing her off of Jungeun.

Haseul wedges Jinsol’s hand off of her.

“Enough, you fucking maniac.” Haseul spits. She’s no fighter, but she’s ready to kick Jinsol’s ass for laying her hands on her.

“Please, just stop!”

Jungeun finally speaks up, getting up from her chair. She didn’t mean to have an outburst like that, but she couldn’t take it. Jinsol being this mad over her, mad to the point that she would attack Haseul- and Haseul being that close to her-

Jungeun is no idiot. She knows that Haseul obviously is attracted to her.

She’s been ignoring it, trying to remain polite and friendly. Haseul is definitely attractive herself, and she’s a decent person. But Jungeun isn’t interested in her in that way. Especially not after what she just said to Jinsol.

This is her fault. This is all her fault, she knows that if she never interfered, Haseul and Jinsol would be just fine-

Yerim is suddenly at Jungeun’s side, hand on her shoulder. Jungeun wasn’t aware how heavy she was breathing, either.

“You should go, Seul.” Sooyoung’s tone is as serious as the grave. Haseul glares at her.

“Because this is my fault,” she fully knows it is, but she doesn’t feel an ounce of remorse, not after Jinsol decided to attack her like a wild animal. “Okay, fine. C’mon, Yeojin.”

“Actually,” Yeojin begins a bit timidly, never quite liking how her sister is when she’s angry. “I’d like to stay with Chae and Yerim for a bit. I might stay over.”

Haseul sighs, but nods anyways.

“Okay, fine. I’ll see you at the house eventually.” Haseul throws her Bible into her bag. “Goodbye, everyone. Great time as always.” With that, Haseul leaves.

-

Only Jungeun stays behind, Sooyoung saying she needs to go do something else tonight. So, Jungeun is sitting on Jinsol’s bed with the blonde.

“Despite… all that,” Jungeun starts, catching Jinsol’s attention. “I did like the passages we read today. Well, you knew they were some of my favorites.”

“That’s why I picked them.” Jinsol murmurs softly.

Jungeun’s eyebrows raise. She picked them for me?

“Just for me?” Jungeun inquires, wanting to confirm. She knows how big Jinsol is on her faith, she didn’t think the older girl would change any of her plans just for her-

“Yup,” Jinsol looks to Jungeun, a lazy smile creeping its way onto her face. “Just for you.”

Jungeun doesn’t know what to say. Well except-

“Thank y-”

“Jungeun-” Jinsol interrupts, though she blubbers upon realizing her mistake. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you!” Her arms flail. Jungeun chuckles at her.

“I was just going to say thank you.” Jungeun smiles sweetly at her. Jinsol can feel her teeth rotting from how sweet it is. Okay, that was corny.

“You’re welcome. Uh, as I was saying-” Jinsol regains her composure. “I want to go out with you tomorrow afternoon. Maybe to Bazil park, to sit by the pond and watch the koi fish? They’re so cute, I named a big white one Baymax-” Jinsol clears her throat, stopping herself from rambling. “But uh, only if you would like to.” Her face feels like it’s one thousand degrees.

“Of course I would.” Jungeun’s ecstatic, grinning at Jinsol’s adorable excitement at the thought of seeing her favorite fish. Jinsol didn’t say it’s a date, but she didn’t have to.

They both know what it is.

Chapter Text

Kim Jiwoo has never met Jung Jinsol, and yet she wants to punch her in the face.

Same goes for Jo Haseul, who she has met and thought was very lovely.

But how lovely is someone who makes your girlfriend come crying into your arms after a bible study of all things?

Jiwoo was working out in her home gym, just approaching her 200th curl-up of the night when she heard a frantic knock on the door. Springing to her feet, Jiwoo turns off the light in the gym as she makes her way to the front door. Maybe it’s the cops, I have been in the company of some interesting people lately-

When Jiwoo opened the door clad in only a sports-bra and sweatpants, she thanked the stars; it was not the cops. But she wasn’t too pleased that her always cheerful and shining Sooyoung was visibly upset, burrowing into Jiwoo’s embrace without a word. She can feel tears wetting her shoulder. She hugs Sooyoung tightly and rubs her back for a moment before ushering her inside wordlessly. They’ll talk when she’s more comfortable.

After sitting the older girl on the couch, Jiwoo goes to fix Sooyoung her favorite comfort drink: earl grey tea. She was surprised at first and teased her girlfriend for her grandma-like tendencies, but she can't deny it; the tea is scrumptious. Jiwoo sits next to Sooyoung, gently placing the tea on the table in front of her.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Jiwoo stars, voice soft as she looks at her girlfriend, full of adoration. Sooyoung grabs her mug, blowing on it gently before taking a sip. After she sets the mug down, she exhales shakily.

“My friends have problems,” Sooyoung begins with a humorless laugh. Jiwoo can hear that her voice is hoarse from crying. She then looks to Jiwoo, eyes bloodshot and puffy. Jiwoo’s heart breaks at the sight. Sooyoung offers her a weak smile. “I don’t want to burden you, babe. Don’t worry about it.”

Jiwoo’s gaze hardens. Sooyoung freezes; she’s never seen such intensity in the other girl’s eyes.

“Sooyoung,” Jiwoo’s tone is firm, but still full of love. Her eyes soften as she wraps an arm around the older girl, tugging her close to plant a kiss on her cheek. That manages to get a smile out of Sooyoung, and that’s all Jiwoo ever wants. “Just let it out, baby. You know you can with me, it’s okay.” Jiwoo then detaches herself from her girlfriend, leaning back into the couch as Sooyoung quietly drinks more tea. Then, after she’s done, she goes off. Sooyoung inhales, holds it in for a second, then exhales softly, relieving only a bit of tension.

“For starters,” Sooyoung is looking down at her mug, and nowhere else. “Jinsol’s anger issues that will probably never go away because she refuses to get therapy and because of her fucked up parents came to a head tonight,” Jiwoo sees her body start to shake. She quickly sits up and wraps an arm around Sooyoung’s waist in support as she continues. “She yanked Haseul off of Jungeun. She looked like she wanted to kill her.”

“Wait,” Jiwoo can’t help but interject. “‘Off of Jungeun?’ What was Haseul doing on Jungie?” Jiwoo’s voice drops, full of suspicion.

“Haseul is an arrogant, entitled asshole and decided that she’s got her sights set on Jungeun because it’s ‘fuck Jinsol’ apparently,” Sooyoung shakes her head at the thought. Jiwoo herself has cursed her friends out more than once; she knows Sooyoung is saying this out of concern since she loves them both. Sooyoung continues. “They’ve been friends because of family and because of me, but the two of them are terrible on their own. Because of her being the spoiled brat she is, Haseul decided that she would spite Jinsol and make Jungeun severely uncomfortable in one go by being so fucking selfish and sitting on Jungeun’s lap.” Sooyoung’s breathing grows heavier, trembling more in Jiwoo’s arms. “So Jinsol’s crazy ass jumped at her to pull her off, Haseul wanted to beat her up too and only left after I told her to, and they probably won’t talk to each other until I make them and god am I sick and tired of having to clean up their fucking mess-”

Sooyoung’s tone is full of grief as she breaks down once again, hot tears streaming down her face. Jiwoo immediately pulls her in for a hug.

“Shh, baby,” Jiwoo coos softly, running a hand through Sooyoung’s hair as she massages her scalp. “It’s okay, just breathe.”

Sooyoung closes her eyes and breathes deeply for a few moments, relishing in the comfort of her girlfriend’s arms. She then opens her eyes and looks at Jiwoo, who’s staring at her like she’s the reason the sun shines in the sky. She thinks she may cry again.

“Thank you, baby.” Sooyoung’s voice is delicate, though she sends Jiwoo a smile full of warmth and adoration. Jiwoo returns it with one that lights up the sky.

“Anytime, darling.” There’s a comfortable silence then as Sooyoung drinks more tea.

After a few minutes, Sooyoung hears Jiwoo sigh.

“Jungie didn’t say anything to Haseul, did she?” Jiwoo’s tone is somber.

“Nah, she didn’t.” Sooyoung responds quietly

Jiwoo loves Jungeun to pieces, and what pains her about Jungeun is how selfless the girl is. She’d rather make everyone else happy, even if it means putting herself aside.

“What’s Haseul’s address?” Sooyoung is briefly snapped out of her state of despair by one of concern, shooting a look at Jiwoo.

“You aren’t going to beat her ass, babe.” Sooyoung’s tone is oddly tender as she places her hand on Jiwoo’s. Like she's had to say this phrase many times before.

“I just want to talk-”

Sooyoung glares at Jiwoo.

“Okay fine,” Jiwoo huffs in defeat. “I at least want to text her.”

Sooyoung quirks an eyebrow at her. Jiwoo only texted Haseul some bizarre memes when they first met, and other than that the two don’t interact much.

“Why’s that? So you can threaten her?” Sooyoung teases. Jiwoo grumbles adorably at her.

“No, because you shouldn’t have to look after her all the time when you’ve been doing so much cause you're the sweetest girl in the universe.”

Sooyoung begins to cry again.

“Baby? No don’t cry-” Jiwoo is more than stunned when her teary-eyed girlfriend cuts her off with an incredibly sweet kiss. Sooyoung pulls back, wiping her own tears with a small chuckle.

“You’re too good to me, Wooming. But you don’t have to get involved with this-” Jiwoo cuts Sooyoung off with a kiss of her own, a quick peck that brings smiles to both the girls’ faces.

“I’m doing this because I want to!” Jiwoo asserts, shaking her fist. “I’ll talk to Haseul! Doesn't sound like her or Jinsol will reach out to each other first. It might be better for her to talk to someone outside of the situation, y’know?” Huh. Sooyoung can’t argue there. When Jiwoo is right, she’s right.

“Okay, I get ya there. But one of us should text Jungeun, see what’s good with her. And probably Soulie too but that’ll be up to me…” Sooyoung proposes, now moving to lay across Jiwoo’s lap.

“Yeah, you’re right-” Right as Jiwoo is finishing her thought, her phone vibrates.

Jungie <3333: uh Jinsol and I are going on a date or sumn tmrw
Jungie<3333: if I die you know what happened
Jungie<3333: jk I’m super happy :]
Jungie<3333: g’night woo

Jiwoo’s frenzied giggles cause Sooyoung’s head to almost snap off of her neck with how fast she looks up at her.

“What in the name?” Sooyoung loves her girlfriend but she admits she’s off her rocker. Just a little.

“Jungie is more than okay. Jinsol too, by the sound of it.” Jiwoo winks at Sooyoung. The older girl looks like the one meme of that woman with the math equations for a solid two seconds before her eyes widen.

“What??? Jinsol-” Sooyoung is cut off by a finger in front of her mouth.

“Shhh! No speculation! Jungie will tell us tomorrow! Now help me pick what to watch on Netflix!”

-

Jungeun woke up that morning feeling a lot more stressed than she should at the prospect of going on a date.

Well, it is a date with Jung Jinsol, after all.

Or whatever no-title-intimate ‘I’ll take you to my favorite park to see my favorite fish' activity this is.

Jungeun spent a good half-hour fussing over what to wear. She ended up just wearing some Thrasher hoodie she doesn’t quite remember and jeans. She combed her hair way too much to the point that her scalp started to hurt, but at least it looked good. Hey, pain is beauty. Or something. She throws some vans on and trots downstairs, proceeding to sit outside on the front step and wait for Jinsol.

Jungeun forgot that in their suburb where you can walk to almost every place, there are some places surrounding it that you can’t walk to. Those places require cars.

While Jinsol is 17, Jungeun certainly didn’t expect her to pull up in front of her house in a bright blue Cadillac with the top down, sunglasses adorning her face.

She also didn’t expect the sight to be so hot.

“Ready to go?” Jinsol shouts from her car. Jungeun bounces up onto her feet, scurrying up to the car. As she gets settled into the push leather seat, she looks over Jinsol’s outfit, trying to hide her surprise. Well, the cross necklace sitting daintily on her chest is no surprise. But her shirt is. She’s wearing a pretty white blouse devoid of any shoulders, exposing her collarbones. The tight denim jeans only intrigue her slightly, but not as much as the top. Didn’t Sooyoung say she never wears revealing clothing?

Jinsol’s face flushes under her sunglasses, feeling Jungeun’s eyes on her. She looks at her, now causing an embarrassed Jungeun to go pink.

“Uh, hi. Nice weather, isn’t it?” Jungeun’s awkwardness is ever so endearing. She wants to vanish into thin air. So dramatic.

Well, she doesn’t want to vanish after hearing Jinsol’s angelic laugh once again.

“Yeah, it’s pretty sweet.” Jinsol flashes a smile before she queues some music up on her phone and then hits the gas.

Jungeun feels like she’s in an 80’s film, driving through town on a sunny spring day with the wind in her hair, glittery pop music playing in the background.

“You know,” Jungeun’s voice somehow cuts over the wind and music, leading Jinsol to turn it down a notch. “You can totally fit for the gorgeous lead in an 80s flick, a cult classic or somethin', you get me?”

Jinsol almost wants to crank up the music to drown both Jungeun and her now embarrasing gay thoughts out of her mind, but she doesn’t. Instead, she takes the compliment. Well sort of.

“Thank you,” Her voice is low, bashful. Jungeun gushes internally at how pretty Jinsol looks when her smiles are full of teeth. “Well I think I’d probably make a good Heather Chandler. Seen as a total bitch and winds up dead.” Jinsol couldn’t help but be self deprecating, she’s not used to any open compliments like that. It makes her nervous but… excited?

Oh. Jungeun wasn’t expecting that. The mood can’t die before the date, no way.

“They’d have to get through me first.” Jungeun asserts rather nonchalantly, arm leaning on the passenger side’s door.

Jinsol prays she doesn’t crash this car with how off guard Jungeun caught her.

“Oh I love this song!” Jinsol quickly diverts attention by turning the music up, and Jungeun is okay with that. She wants to get to the park safely, after all.

-

For a Saturday afternoon, Bazil Park is decently crowded.

Families and couples alike roam the rather spacious park. Jinsol almost lept out of her car at seeing the biggest dog Jungeun has ever seen, as it ran down one of the trails, taking it’s unfortunate owner for a ride. Jinsol and Jungeun first head to an area with a few buildings, adorned by a gazebo. People are sat all around on benches, enjoying picnic food and ice cream alike. Jungeun makes a mental note to visit one of the food trucks she’s sure she’s smelling.

At the end of this area sits the pond. The pair walk to the dock that overlooks it, immediately drawn to the dozens of koi fish that congregate in the area.

“Where is he, where is he?” Jungeun thinks it would be weird at this point in their relationship to take a photo of how damn- dang adorable Jinsol looks while gripping onto the railing, almost hurling herself into the water with how hard she’s looking for this fish. Well, the memory is enough. Soon after, Jinsol finds the fish in question.

“There!” She points to the water, at a rather hefty looking white fish. “There’s Baymax! Isn’t he pretty?”

Jungeun has always preferred eating fish to looking at them. But if she had the chance to see Jinsol this carefree and excited all the time, she’d come back and look at this big white fish’s face for the rest of her life.

“Yeah,” Jungeun replies, leaning against the railing now, “He’s a handsome fella.”

Jinsol then whips out her phone to take multiple pictures of the pond, trying her best to zoom in on her favorite boy who’s swimming laps around the others. Jungeun takes the opportunity to take a few pictures as well, admiring the backdrop of the pond and the greenery behind it. Hey, would she mind if…?

Jungeun takes a candid photo of Jinsol beaming down at the water, capturing her stunning side profile.

Jinsol catches Jungeun in the act soon after.

Panic seeps through Jungeun’s body at Jinsol’s blank expression.

“Hey, I’m sorry!” There go Jungeun’s hands again, holding them up in total surrender as she tries to conjure up an apology. “I should’ve asked if you’re okay with that, you just looked so pretty and the background is gorgeous too-”

“Let me see it.” Jinsol slices through Jungeun’s babbling, face still devoid of any particular emotion. Jungeun almost drops her phone with how quickly she brings up the picture to show Jinsol.

Jinsol studies the picture for a few seconds that feel more like hours to Jungeun.

“You,” Jinsol’s voice is soft as her eyes scan the picture, roaming over her features. Such an open expression of happiness. She’s usually here alone, no one ever sees her like this. She never wanted anyone to see her like this. And yet, having Jungeun praise her so brazenly like this…”You think I look pretty in this pic?”

Jungeun’s head tilts in that adorable way it does, looking at Jinsol like she said the sky isn’t blue.

“Of course you do!” Jungeun’s hands fly up involuntarily. “Pretty as- well I won’t say that because you’re very religious but just know you look really pretty in every picture taken of you ever cause you’re just a beautiful person, okay?”

Wow. Jinsol can’t believe she said that.

Jungeun can’t either, actually.

The two of them are then there in an awkward and definitely homoromantic silence.

“Thank you again, Jungeun.” Jinsol fully takes the compliment this time, actually looking pretty happy with it. Her smile is soft, cheeks rosy. Stunning as ever.

“Anytime.” Jungeun salutes Jinsol like the dork she is. Anything to make her laugh, though.

The sweet moment is soon interrupted by Jungeun’s stomach rumbling.

“Hey uh,” Jungeun begins, not liking the feeling of her stomach wanting to tear itself apart over hunger. “There were some food trucks we passed on the way here. Mind if we grab a bite?”

“Yeah, that’s fine by me.” Jinsol then leans over the rail once again for a moment. “Bye buddy! See you soon!” Jinsol waves Baymax off. He actually swims away.

Jungeun might melt from the cuteness.

-

Jinsol thinks it’s some odd stroke of luck that they wound up at the park on the day that the food trucks were here. It only happens every few weeks. It’s definitely a plus for Jungeun’s poor stomach, which sounds like a car muffler at the moment. Jungeun does look pretty cute while she’s grumpily pouting, the two of them in line at a Surf n Turf truck. “Best of both worlds,” as Jungeun proclaimed.

At the thought of Jungeun looking cute, Jinsol’s hand only lazily grazes her cross. The urge to grip it has become less and less. Well, she admitted to herself that she does want Jungeun as a girlfriend.

It’s just the act of actually confessing anything related to that that scares her.

She knows God will be with her no matter what. Chaewon, Jungeun and Sooyoung are also... well, they would accept her for sure. Haseul... she doesn't quite want to think of right now.

“What would you two young ladies like?” Jinsol is snapped out of her thoughts by the cashier of the truck asking for their order.

“Popcorn shrimp for me,” Jungeun goes first. “What about you, Sol?”

Jinsol's not the hungriest, but she might as well get something if she’s up here.

“A basket of chicken strips, please. With honey mustard!” Alright, after that she does feel a little hungrier.

“You got it. That’ll be $12.75 for you two.” Jinsol’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Oh, we’re-”

“Nah Sol, I got it this time.” Jungeun winks at her before paying the cashier.

The two of them step off to the side to wait for their food.

“You didn’t have to pay, but thank you..” Jinsol murmurs, eyes anywhere but on Jungeun.

“I wanted to though, and you’re welcome.” Jungeun replies simply. “If you’re so concerned, you got next time!”

Jinsol pauses. There’ll be a next time? She looks to Jungeun who also seems surprised at her own words, but flashes Jinsol a cheeky smile regardless.

“Well,” Jinsol leans against the truck. “Sounds good to me.”

-

The two of them were planning to take their food back near Baymax and friends, but the benches were soon occupied. They instead opt to walk around the pond and sit on the far end of the park, finding a secluded table next to the treeline.

Despite feeling that she wasn’t too hungry moments ago, Jinsol tears through her chicken strips at the speed of light.

“Whoa,” Jungeun marvels, popping a shrimp in her mouth. “I thought I was the hungry one.”

Jinsol flushes red. Wait, you idiot! Jungeun scolds herself. That’s a terrible thing to say on a date, or anything that resembles it!

Jinsol would be mad, but she detects no genuine judgement in Jungeun’s eyes.

“I have a tapeworm in my stomach. It’s pretty deadly.” Jinsol stays with a stone faced expression, then bursting into a wild laugh after seeing Jungeun’s face full of shock. “You should’ve seen your face!” She chuckles mischievously.

What bizarre world did Jungeun land in that Jinsol is joking around with her? Well, whatever it is, she knows she doesn’t want to leave it anytime soon. She picks up one of her popcorn shrimp.

“Open up!” Before Jinsol could fully understand what’s going on, a shrimp hits her cheek.

“Don’t waste it!”

“Well you need to catch it next time!”

-

At sunset, the two girls are driving home. This time, Jungeun is in control of the music, indie music humming softly in the background. The care ride is mostly enjoyed in comfortable silence, with the two occasionally speaking up about the music or any shows they’ve watched recently. Sure, the Bible is brought up, too. But not as often as Jinsol expected. That’s oddly not really a problem this time around.

At stop lights, she snuck a few glimpses of Jungeun. She sings her heart out to almost every song she hears, her voice is one of the best Jinsol thinks she’s heard in her life.

And that… date was definitely the best outing she’s had in… well, ever. Jungeun is way too easy to talk to and she had so much fun. Jungeun paid for her meal too and took that picture of her because she thought she was pretty in it….

Jinsol knows she wants this again. To spend more precious moments like these with Jungeun. It was so warm and lovely and-

I think it’s time.

-

“Thanks for today,” Jungeun starts as they pull up to her house. “I had fun!” She grins at Jinsol.
“It’s no problem,” the older girl replies coolly. Well, she hopes she comes off as cool, not a wreck.

“Text me when you’re home safe!” Jungeun says as she begins to get out of the car.

“Wait!” Jinsol stops her rather awkwardly, moderatly nervous. “I wanna tell you something.”

“Huh?” Jungeun looks back at Jinsol, sitting back down. “What’s up?”

Jinsol takes a steady breath in, and exhales slowly. Her hand creeps around her cross, but she knows there's nothing to fear.

“Jungeun,” Those hazel eyes have never seemed so delicate and honest than they do now.

“I think I like girls, too.”

Chapter Text

While Jo Haseul thought she was prepared for every non-Jinsol incident, she was wrong.

There’s no preparing for the force that is Kim Jiwoo.

Sooyoung’s girlfriend is… a character, to say the least. Haseul can vividly remember the girl’s surprisingly strong grip as she initiated a handshake, wildly gleaming eyes reminding Haseul of the few seconds before a firecracker launches. Jiwoo seems like she has the energy to explode into something equal parts terrifying and beautiful, just as firecrackers do.

And she does. Before Jungeun showed up to the park on the night that she and Jinsol made up, Haseul’s eardrums almost split into pieces with the sheer force of Jiwoo’s piercing laugh. And of course she has to laugh at everything Sooyoung says. She can’t remember not rolling her eyes at every corny joke Sooyoung shot at Jiwoo that the younger girl ate right up, howling in laughter and playfully shoving her. Well, playful for the most part. Jiwoo is much stronger than she looks. That’s one beneath the surface thing about Jiwoo, and she’s curious if she’ll learn more.

She can say Jiwoo and Sooyoung are cute. A bit too cute for Haseul’s liking, though. It’s endearing, Jiwoo seems like a sweet girl and she’s happy for Sooyoung.

But there’s always that itch. That bothersome, absolutely horrible itch; the craving of affection.

Haseul would like to be told sweet corny jokes and have her hand held, eyes stared into lovingly. But it seems that won’t happen just yet. She knows not to resent her friends because they have exactly what she desires but…

It’s hard. She has to keep that irritating itch away.

Especially right now, as she sits in one of Sandy’s worn leather booths with the one and only Kim Jiwoo.

Haseul certainly didn’t expect the very urgent midnight text from Jiwoo, urging her to meet her at Sandy’s for brunch so they could ‘talk.’ Haseul doesn’t know what this talk may entail. Well, she might. It probably has to do with Sooyoung, perhaps she sent Jiwoo on her behalf since she clearly doesn’t want to talk to her. Haseul at least expected a text minutes later after she was banished from Jinsol’s house, but that didn’t happen. Instead, she sat in her room wondering why she has to experience such an idiotic situation like the one she’s in now; her best friends banishing her after she was the one who was so rudely attacked-

Well, that was last night. No use dwelling on it now. Especially not when Jiwoo shoves a packet of sugar in her face.

“Here!” Even if Jiwoo’s voice is an inside one, there’s this level of energy bursting through it that Haseul can’t quite understand.

“Thank you but,” Haseul sets the sugar off to the side, giving Jiwoo a sheepish smile. “I prefer black coffee.”

Jiwoo looks at her like she has three heads.

“Black coffee?” Jiwoo gasps dramatically, as if the thought of the darkest of roasts is enough to give her a heart attack. “That’s so bitter! How can you drink that?” Her eyebrows are knitted upwards and it’s actually kind of cute, Haseul has to admit. It reminds her of Jinsol. Well…

“It’s an acquired taste, but it’s better for you.” Is Haseul’s admittedly plain answer, silence ringing out soon after as she sips it slowly. Jiwoo pouts at her.

“Sometimes you have to treat yourself, no health is worth constant bitterness!” Jiwoo asserts rather passionately, as if she were presenting a sales pitch. Haseul can’t argue with that oddly poetic statement, nodding and humming as she takes another sip of her coffee.

“So,” Haseul gently sets her mug on the table. “What did you want to meet me for?” Shr inquires finally, hands folded on the table.

“I want to know why my girlfriend came to me bawling her eyes out last night.”

Haseul is thankful that she set her mug down a few seconds ago, or else coffee would’ve been spat all over this table.

Jiwoo’s unpredictability is in full force. Haseul is a bit unnerved, especially upon seeing Jiwoo’s suddenly serious demeanor, staring at Haseul with a stern, yet patient gaze. As the older girl struggles to conjure a response to the sudden left hook, Jiwoo provides more to speak on.

“She did tell me what happened,” Jiwoo begins slowly, voice only the smallest bit strained. Haseul imagines that the sight Jiwoo saw wasn’t the prettiest, as Sooyoung never cries openly in front of everybody. Haseul would be lying if she said she didn’t feel bad. But she doesn’t think it’s her fault. Not entirely, anyways. “Jinsol put her hands on you ‘cause you made her mad and made Jungie uncomfortable. But I want to hear it from you, what happened?”

Jiwoo sips on her milkshake through its striped straw, eyes boring into Haseul with an expression bearing both invitation and caution. It gives Haseul the creeps.

Once she’s past Jiwoo’s physical appearance, the younger girl’s words finally wash into her mind. Unlike how a lawyer should, she responds based on her feelings first.

“What do you mean I made Jungeun uncomfortable?” Haseul’s tone is accusatory, whether she means it or not. Jiwoo grows tense as she continues. “And yeah, Jinsol’s dumb ass put her fucking hands on me because sometimes she can’t control her feelings-”

“Neither can you, apparently.”

Haseul is stunned, stopped in her tracks by Jiwoo who nonchalantly sips on her milkshake, then continuing before Haseul can even catch a breath.

“Yes, you made Jungeun uncomfortable. And I don’t think you should talk about Jinsol like that-”

Jiwoo can see panic flaring up in Haseul’s eyes as she’s cornered. Interesting.
.
“Why did you even invite me?” Haseul’s voice is a barely concealed growl, leaning the slightest bit over the table, her glowering eyes challenging Jiwoo’s worryingly calm ones.

“You know why,” Jiwoo sighs, resting her head in her palm. “To talk. But it seems you need to be a better listener, too.”

A moment passes, the two of them drinking in silence. Haseul shifts rather uncomfortably on the old leather, not knowing quite what to say or think at the moment.

“I’m assuming you and Jinsol haven’t talked since last night.” Jiwoo prompts.

Haseul nods quietly. That’s fine, Jiwoo supposes. No use in prodding the bear any further.

“Soo will text you when she’s good and ready, she just needs some time.” Jiwoo provides some moments later. Haseul nods at that too. Jiwoo takes a moment to drink in Haseul’s current appearance; eyes downcast, teeth worrying at her lip. That must be a nervous tick. “You should talk to Jinsol soon.” Haseul shows no physical response to that.

Jiwoo lets Haseul sit there in silence for as long as she likes. The older girl speaks up finally, voice delicate.

“I would’ve thought Jungeun would speak up if she were uncomfortable with anything…” Haseul trails off, voice laden with remorse, though she can’t quite identify the feeling herself. She finally looks back into Jiwoo’s eyes. There’s a hurt there; why?

“Jungie is too sweet for her own good.” Jiwoo’s tone is somber. “Don’t take advantage of that.”

Before Haseul can lash out again, she catches herself. She takes a deep breath, trying to process her thoughts. Wait, how does Jiwoo know this?

“How fast did you and Jungeun become close?” Haseul questions. She figures the two met when Sooyoung and Jungeun grew more acquainted, as she heard Sooyoung mention Jiwoo some time before that. She then finds her theory to be incredibly false.

“Jungie and I have been best friends since we were kids.” Jiwoo’s sunny disposition comes back in full force after mentioning one of the people most precious to her, her smile fond. That ferocious protectiveness still sits in the look she’s giving Haseul, and the other girl struggles to come to terms with what was said.

Soon, it hits her.

Before her sits the girlfriend of her best friend that she helped make burst into tears, and the best friend of the girl she made an extremely uncomfortable advance on.

Unpredictable is the perfect term for Kim Jiwoo, who laughs at Haseul’s poorly concealed face of shock, eyebrows to the ceiling.

“Yup, you have some explaining to do, Haseul.” Is she a mind reader?! Jiwoo’s grin doesn’t look out of place for this moment, and that scares the older girl. Before she can plan any possible escape route, two steaming hot plates of eggs, pancakes, bacon and toast come sliding onto the table.

Jiwoo’s eyes light up, hand racing at the speed of light to shovel a bite of a pancake into her mouth.

“Get talkin’, I’m all ears!” Jiwoo jabs her fork at Haseul before unceremoniously shoveling a forkful of eggs in her mouth.

-

So, Jungeun, how do you respond to your crush- that’s right, you know it’s a full on crush now- confessing to you after a long, grueling period of weird emotional touchiness that she too likes girls right after a very pleasant outing that could definitely be considered a date?

By inviting her inside of your house, of course. Well, it isn’t without its hiccups.

Jungeun stands there awkwardly for a moment, processing the information as her brain goes a mile a minute. Then she realizes she should say something as Jinsol looks worried, like she said the wrong thing.

“Oh nice!” Jungeun splutters awkwardly, a crooked smile on her face. Neither of them quite know what to do at the moment, but Jinsol seems relieved with Jungeun’s response. “So…” Jungeun, compose yourself. “If you wanna come in and talk it out, my mom isn’t home!”
The two both flush at those implications, but it’s still a welcome idea.

“That sounds good to me,” Jinsol nods, trying to quell the shrieking voice in her head shouting ‘I’m going to be alone in Jungeun’s house with her!’ “I’ll just park real quick.”

After Jinsol parks in Jungeun’s driveway, she joins the younger girl in walking through the front door.

-

Jungeun’s house is much different than Jinsol’s own. Well, not entirely. There’s still religious iconography, but much less than she has at home. Though she now knows Jungeun isn’t as strong in faith (even though she tries for her, bless her heart) she remembers hearing that her mom is well of faith. As opposed to her oceanic color scheme, this house is full of warm colors. The living room is a soft red, kitchen a blend of orange and yellow hues. They mix nicely with the sunlight that pours through the windows.

It’s cozy, Jinsol thinks. Much more than her own home. It’s smaller but she definitely doesn’t think that’s a bad thing. Jungeun has mentioned that her mom often works nights, but they still try to see each other as much as they can when they have the time. That warms Jinsol’s heart, though it makes some other part of her grieve.

To Jinsol’s surprise, they aren’t going to sit in the living room. Jungeun leads her right up to her room. Jungeun’s room is straight out of a teen coming of age film. Band posters line the wall, shelves lined with different books and knick-knacks that Jungeun probably has a dozen stories about. Jinsol notes polaroid pictures tacked to a cork board on the wall, full of a girl that she thinks is Sooyoung’s girlfriend. Jungeun flops on her bed, not hesitating to get comfy.

“Bed or one of the chairs, anything is cool.” Jungeun gestures to her bed and her black desk chair, and Jinsol is more inclined to take the chair for now, promptly pulling it out and sitting down. She doesn’t think her heart can take the closeness right now, not with what they’re about to discuss. “So… what made you realize?” That curiosity in Jungeun’s eyes is always endearing, Jinsol loves how they sparkle when Jungeun wants to know more.

How does she answer this question, though? Does she straight up admit that it’s Jungeun, because of course she’s the reason why she’s been so out of her mind the past few weeks-

Jinsol looks out of the window, eyes taking in the setting sun as she begins speaking.

“When we went out earlier,” Jinsol starts slowly, eyes nervously flicking up to meet Jungeun’s. “I… guess I just had that realization, that moment that I want to be more intimate with another girl than everyone else.”

That was a weak answer.
Jinsol can see some measure of disappointment in Jungeun’s body language, eyes dimming slowly. She hates herself for that, why can’t she just say it?

Jinsol’s body begins to tremble slightly, and Jungeun notices it.

“I understand, it was like that for me, too.” Jungeun provides with a soft smile. She doesn’t like the distance between the two of them right now. Jinsol did choose to sit over there but she can see the other girl looks anxious, and they’ve initiated skinship with each other before. It’s worth a shot. “C’mere, Sol.”

The older girl has to snap herself out of her growing bout of self-loathing upon hearing Jungeun’s request. She goes to sit at the edge of Jungeun’s bed.

Jungeun can’t be frustrated with Jinsol right now, but she feels like there’s something not being said. She slings an arm around the blonde’s shoulder. Jinsol isn’t looking at her, her eyes are firmly trained to the ground. Still, Jungeun speaks. “It’s alright, y’know. I know it’s scary at first to come to terms with it, but you have Soo, Seul and I-”

“It’s you.” Jinsol confesses. There's no use in beating around the bush forever.

Jinsol’s confession is quiet at first, voice then growing as she continues, leaving a shell-shocked Jungeun in her wake.

“It’s not just ‘another girl,’ it’s you. It has been for a while, ever since that day you decided to wear pants at school,” Jinsol chuckles, remembering how unreasonably angry she got that day. “I thought my anger was ‘cause I didn’t like what you were doing cause it went against the Lord. But it didn’t go against him. What you did was brave, more brave than I could ever be.” The air around the two girls feels like it grows thicker as Jinsol continues, now looking at Jungeun.

This is the first time Jungeun has seen such a tenderness in those hazel eyes, and it’s making her heart ache in a way she’s afraid to describe.

“Your kindness, your willingness to understand others no matter what... Seriously, I cried after everyone left the bible study that first night and after you showed me your new bible.” The two giggle at that, Jungeun now feeling butterflies begin to stampede inside of her stomach. “I’m sorry for the stupid argument we had and I don’t mean to do horrible things like I did last night with Haseul,” Jinsol looks to the floor for a moment in shame, but Jungeun’s warm hand sliding onto hers makes her lock eyes with the brunette again, the latter giving her a look full of assurance. “But when I saw her do that without permission, and seeing how uncomfortable you looked, I reacted first. I don’t ever want to see you hurt.” Jinsol ends that last sentence with a rather chivalrous tone, and it makes some part of Jungeun swoon. Knowing someone wants to protect you is… well, very pleasant.

“That’s when I knew I had to do something, that I had to confirm my feelings,” Jinsol explains, Jungeun hanging onto every word. “So I wanted to take you out on this date, and after we had fun and you said this won’t be the last one I…” She trails off, not quite knowing what to say.

“Realized that you want to be more than friends?” Jungeun finishes for her, feeling the same way.

“Yeah,” Jinsol replies breathlessly. “Exactly that.”

The two note their close proximity to each other, bodies thrumming with nervous and excited energy alike.

“I’ll say,” Jungeun brushes a stray hair out of Jinsol’s face, both of them freaking out internally at the action. “You weren’t my favorite person at first.”

“Gee, thanks.” Jinsol drawls, laughing at Jungeun’s groan.

“Let me finish!” Jungeun huffs. The two are now sitting side by side, hands still intertwined as Jungeun continues to pour her heart out in the dorkiest way possible.

“I knew you kept freaking out over me because of religion, and I wanted to know why. If you were friends with Sooyoung and Haseul, I knew it wasn’t just homophobia. I wanted to see why you hold onto your faith so tightly, and try to understand. I’m sorry for our argument too, and after going to your house to talk it out I realized why,” Jinsol’s parents are left out of this conversation for now, but they both know what she’s referring to. “There’s still a lot I don’t know about you but I want to learn. I know how sweet, caring, and super nerdy you are under what you show to others,” Jinsol scrunches her nose at the nerd comment, but her cheeks are still pink at Jungeun’s words. “I want to learn so much more, if you’ll let me.”

Jinsol rubs her thumb against Jungeun’s hand. Even that small act shows how far Jinsol has come to be comfortable with her, and it makes Jungeun happy to no end.

“So… are we going to try this?” Jinsol takes the initiative, proving herself more and more each second. She knows she’ll have to handle things with Haseul eventually, and her parents are a whole other story. But she wants this.

“We are. It'll be a little weird at first and we'll take it slow but,” Jungeun turns her body towards Jinsol, words rushing to escape her lips. “I’d love to be your girlfriend.”

There they are, the words Jinsol wanted to hear the most. She’s come this far, and all worries are obliterated by Jungeun’s adorable, charming, ridiculously charismatic smile.

“Then it’s settled,” Jinsol beams, taking Jungeun’s other hand as well. “I guess we’re...dating now, Kim Jungeun.”

-

Chaewon cuddles into Yerim’s side, content with the younger girl’s arm around her as they watch the third installment of the ‘To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before’ franchise. She groans as she hears her phone vibrate.

“Who’s that, babe?” Chaewon mumbles as she burrows her head in Yerim’s chest, the latter pausing the movie for a second.

“It’s your sister,” Yerim opens her girlfriend’s phone to read the full message. Chaewon almost jumps out of her skin at the shrill scream that follows.

“Jesus baby, what is it?” Chaewon’s eyebrow is to the heavens, not possibly knowing what has her girlfriend in such a fuss. Wait.. could it be?

“Her and Jungeun are dating!” Yerim sounds very excited as someone who doesn’t know the two very well. But she loves love, Chaewon knows that well and that’s one of the reasons why she loves Yerim. But wait, holy shit!

“She finally did it…” Chaewon trails off, feeling incredibly proud of her sister. Jungeun is definitely good for her, if she already dismantled some of the walls Jinsol built up. Her phone is then set down on the bed, forgotten as the two resume the movie in good spirits.

-

Jiwoo opened Haseul’s eyes, she has to admit. The two went back to the younger girl’s house after brunch and talked a bit more. Jiwoo is incredibly honest and does her best for herself and her friends, and she’s both physically and mentally tougher than people assume. Sure, she told Haseul some things that the older girl didn’t quite want to hear, like how she’s probably- no definitely an asshole for talking that way about Jinsol and doing that without Jungeun’s consent. Those are things Haseul needed to hear, though she didn't want to admit it out loud.

Jiwoo knows Jinsol is in the wrong too, but Jungeun will probably discuss that with her. Since Sooyoung needs her time, she’ll be here to listen to Haseul. And that’s all the older girl needs, really. The two had their down to earth convo over two expertly blended cups of tea, and Haseul saw herself out about two hours after that.

Now she sits in her room, lounging around and watching Sailor Moon. She pauses to do what she thinks she should, deciding to be the better man. After all, a lawyer needs to do what’s right.

To: Sol: Hey, we should talk things out soon. Let me know when you’re ready.

Chapter Text

Haseul can’t remember the last time she spoke to Jinsol alone. Like truly alone. No classmates around, no Sooyoung, no Jungeun. The thought of it makes her uneasy, and her uneasiness brings her shame. She shouldn't feel this way about a close friend.

But, her desire to be the ‘better man’ and speak up to Jinsol first is what drove her to invite the older girl out. Now, the two of them are seated in her living room for what feels like the first time in years. Haseul wouldn’t be surprised if it is. Their hangouts with Sooyoung are usually at Jinsol’s house, or somewhere else around town. It's been years since she’s seen Jinsol enveloped by the green of her living room, surrounded by the pearlescent whites of her decor. It’s been years since-

“Seullie, are you alright?” Jinsol’s low, husky tone slips her out of her spiraling thoughts. Jinsol’s hair is down, and she’s clad in an unfamiliar red hoodie and sweatpants, looking unlike the prim, proper form Haseul has been used to seeing. Don’t get her wrong, it’s not the first time she’s seen Jinsol dressed down. But it’s become a lot more frequent lately. Could it be because of-

“I’m fine, Sol.” Haseul’s voice is not free of strain as she tries to shake her discomfort loose. Her eyes meet Jinsol’s. There’s always been a vulnerability in them. Whether it was due to Jinsol’s unreasonable anger or debilitating sadness, she’s always seen the blonde’s soul clear as day. Right now, there’s an honesty in there that makes her heart wrench. Jinsol is always tries to be so genuine and warm towards her, even if she-

“So, the other day,” Haseul begins, shifting uncomfortably in her seat, only inches away from Jinsol.. “I’m sorry,” she breathes once, twice. Why? Why is there this uncomfortable feeling? “For edging you on and doing that to Jungeun. But that apology will be for her.” Haseul regains some of her composure, eyes hardening with the grace of someone in her soon to be line of work. She’s the bigger man, as she knows Jinsol doesn’t have the heart to be.

Jinsol nods, almost sagely. It looks strange to Haseul. Jinsol’s cross also seems strange to her, hanging over this hoodie that she’s never seen before. The only semblance of normalcy on this not-normal Jinsol.

“I’m sorry too,” Jinsol starts, pushing a strand of hair from her face. “I’m sorry for lashing out at you, and for putting my hands on you. You know I… have always had trouble expressing my emotions.”

Haseul has to school her face to be solid stone, free of shock. There’s no way Jinsol would admit that, not after turning into that wild animal she saw the other day. Normally the blonde would just make some awkward comment and they would read scripture or go do something else, acting like all is well between them. Not this.

There’s a brief pause before Haseul speaks yet again.

“I know,” Haseul manages to muster a small smile in hopes to put Jinsol at ease. “And that’s alright.” It’s not. Why didn’t you- “I think we should put ourselves past this. I miss you, Sol.” Her mind is speaking for her, but her heart wants to say otherwise. I miss you more than you could ever know-

Jinsol returns Haseul’s smile with a softer one, gently placing a hand on Haseul’s shoulder.. The younger girl thinks she could cry. Jinsol hasn’t been this gentle, this calm in who knows how long. What happened to her? Haseul can ask and ask but she knows the answer. She knows it’s-

“I’ve missed you too, Seullie.” With that, Haseul is pulled into a warm embrace.

-

Tears wet Jinsol’s shoulder. She rubs Haseul’s back, soothing her as Jungeun has done to her many times already. “It’s okay,” She coos. When they split from their embrace, their eyes meet again and Jinsol fears what she sees in them:

Anger.

“Jinsol,” Haseul’s voice is muddled with tears, eyes blazing in a saddened fury that she’s only seen in the mirror. This doesn’t look right on Haseul. The rage is quiet at first. “Who’s hoodie is that?” Haseul’s tone is desperate. She’s desperate to hear the answer she knows, to have her heart broken once again.

Jinsol doesn’t see how this could relate to anything. Nevertheless, she answers truthfully.

“It’s Jungeun’s.” Jinsol admits rather uncomfortably, with Haseul’s eyes boring into her skin. Jinsol now casts a nervous glance past Haseul. That’s more of the Jinsol that Haseul knows: a coward.

“You two have gotten awfully close, huh.” Haseul laughs humorlessly, shifting away from Jinsol. She doesn’t want to know how deep their friendship is. She doesn’t want to know what Jinsol has told Jungeun that she hasn’t told her. She doesn’t want to know-

“Yes… we have,” Jinsol swallows roughly. Anxiety wells up in her chest. She wanted to save this announcement for when she and Jungeun are with Jiwoo and Sooyoung as well, but with Haseul she needs to rip the bandaid right off. “Haseul… she and I are dating now.”

The air is still.

It’s as though the world has stopped.

Haseul knows her world definitely has.

“You-” Haseul can’t contain her emotions, no matter how hard she tries. Shock, confusion, rage and despair mix as a cocktail in her body, sucker punching her in the chest.

Jinsol gasps as Haseul’s hand finds its way to her necklace.

“You told her you’re gay?” Haseul finds no room to breathe as she continues, her thoughts barreling into the open air before she can stop them. “ Have you finally admitted it, Jinsol? After leaving me behind, you think you can just free yourself of everything we experienced and date her like nothing’s wrong?” Haseul howls, her grip on the necklace getting tighter.

“Haseul,” Jinsol’s panicking. She doesn’t want to lash out again, she doesn’t want to hurt Haseul. But Haseul’s grip on her necklace isn’t helping, and neither are the words being barked at her. What is she talking about? What have they experienced? “Haseul what are you-”

“Did God tell you that Jungeun is okay but I wasn’t, is that it?” Haseul’s gone, Jinsol thinks. She now goes to grip the younger girl’s palm, tries to shake her loose.

“Get a hold of yourself!” Jinsol pleads, the two of them now locked in a pseudo brawl. Haseul thrashes as she’s held down by Jinsol. “What’re you talking about? I know you liked Jungeun, I’m sorry that-”

“You’re so fucking stupid,” Haseul spits, tears welling up in her eyes again. “How could you think that this is still just about her?”

Jinsol freezes.

And then, she remembers.

She remembers what she’s done well to forget, having locked the most important part of her past with Haseul behind a wall full of other repressed memories.

She remembers how close the two of them used to be, running around town after church and sharing many nights in each other’s rooms, watching cheesy movies and laughing till their stomachs hurt.

She remembers how Haseul used to call her pretty, used to be so impressed with her intellect and told her she would go to big places when she’s older. She remembers how red Haseul would blush after Jinsol would tell her how beautiful she is, how mature she is for her age and that she’ll be the best lawyer the world has seen.

She remembers when their intimacy would go past hugs, when Haseul’s hand shyly met hers for the first time while walking through Bazil Park when they were in eighth grade. She remembers how Haseul’s eyes sparkled when she held her hand firmly, the two of them smiling until their cheeks hurt.

She remembers the summer before freshman year, when Haseul was in her room on one especially hot afternoon. The two of them came inside after a dip in Jinsol’s pool, lounging under the AC.

She remembers seeing Haseul’s cheeks flushed for most of the afternoon, stealing glances at Jinsol in her first two piece swimsuit. It was navy blue, Jinsol’s favorite color. Haseul took no hesitation on telling her how good she looked in it. She thought the same of Haseul in her forest green one-piece, though she was too shy to say it.

She remembers how they nearly got closer that afternoon. How after they dried off and got settled in her room, Haseul asked her if she could try something new. Jinsol agreed, feeling excitement dance in her heart even though she was nervous.

She remembers Haseul leaning in, knees touching. She remembers how she could hear the blood rushing in her ears, heart pumping wildly in her ribcage. She can remember how Haseul’s lips almost touched hers.

And then, she remembers her mom opening the door.

What she doesn’t remember is the question her mom asked her. That was never important. What was the blank look on her mother’s face, devoid of any emotion telling Jinsol whether she was right or wrong.

She remembers what happened next. Her mother simply told the two of them to sit further apart, then leaving to go do whatever she needed to. She remembers Haseul awkwardly laughing it off while she felt like she was going to die.

She remembers the hurt on Haseul’s face after telling her she should leave, making up something about how she needs to help with dinner that night. Haseul left reluctantly, but not without asking for a hug. Jinsol remembers that being the first unsteady embrace between the two of them.

What she remembers most of all-

“Jinsol,” Her mother’s tone is soft, yet there’s a coldness that sends nothing but shiver’s down the young girl’s spine. She looks up from the pile of tomatoes she diced to meet her mother’s eyes. The older woman smiles at her, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. It almost never does.

“I don’t want to see anything like that again, do you understand me?”

Jinsol remembers the anxiety attack that followed. She remembers locking herself in the room for the night, her thoughts getting scarier and scarier as the night progressed. What was she going to tell Haseul? Before her mind went somewhere she didn’t want it to, she did what she knew best: she prayed.

She prayed to God to help her, to show her what path she needs to take. She remembers kneeling on her carpet for what felt like hours, mumbling prayers through tears and holding her cross like it was her saving grace. She never did tell Haseul, only telling herself that she can try and maintain their friendship as it was before those special feelings started. There, is when her delusion started.

-

Haseul remembers Jinsol getting distant, evading her hand when she tried to hold it. Their eyes never met quite as they used to.

She remembers pleading, asking Jinsol is she did something wrong, only for the girl to cheerily brush her off and say everything is fine.

She remembers seeing Jinsol with her nose in her Bible more often than not, blowing her and soon Sooyoung off just for her own personal study sessions.

She remembers cornering Jinsol after the girl’s first proper bible study session.

“Sollie,” Haseul’s tone is urgent as she sits next to Jinsol on the blonde’s bed, disliking how Jinsol’s eyes are drawn to her walls instead. She reaches out to touch Jinsol, her frown deeping when the other girl flinches and retreats. “What happened? Why are you hiding from me? What did I do?” Her tone becomes progressively softer, more forlorn.

“You did nothing,” Jinsol’s eyes aren’t meeting hers, though Haseul can detect what’s written all over her body language: shame. “We just,” Jinsol gulps, finally meeting her eyes. There are unshed tears, and layers of sorrow and doubt. “Can’t do this anymore.”

Haseul remembers how her relationship with God became more strained as Jinsol’s was strengthened.

She remembers how her apathy for religion started, even as she still wears her cross earrings. She tries to hold some semblance of care for it, as she’s always been a devout believer.

But she can never forget the wedge God drove between her and Jinsol.

-

Tears hit Haseul’s cheeks. Jinsol’s body wracks into sobs as she pulls herself off of the younger girl.

“It wasn’t you,” Jinsol wails, her hands scrambling for purchase on her necklace. Haseul sits up, still shaken though calmed from her earlier rage. She can only watch as Jinsol breaks down, trying to comprehend what the girl is saying. “It wasn’t your fault, Seul.”

“Then what was it?” Haseul tries to make her tone less accusatory, though she fails in doing so. She just wants to understand, she needs to. “You preach that God is accepting of everyone, but was it him? Is he why we had to-”

“It was my mother, Haseul.” Jinsol’s tone is sobering. There’s a moment of clarity washing over Haseul. She now fully takes in what she never cared for before. Her passing jokes about Jinsol having the house to herself. How Jinsol would look uncomfortable after her comments on how she wishes she could get a break from her parents like Jinsol does. How Jinsol would quickly usher her and Sooyoung out of the house on nights she knew her parents were coming home. Haseul can’t describe the absolute feeling of grief blooming in her chest.

Jinsol looks to Haseul.

Haseul looks to Jinsol.

Without another word, the two share an embrace.

-

“So, you finally had the guts, kid.” Sooyoung grins as she steals a whole chicken tender from Jungeun, much to the other girl’s dismay. The two then decide to split it after Sooyoung pities the distraught look on Jungeun’s face.

“Wasn’t me actually,” Jungeun chomps on her tender. She can see Haseul grimacing now, with Jungeun picking up Sooyoung’s bad habit of chewing with her mouth full. “That was all Sol, she started it.” Sooyoung’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Wow, would’ve never guessed. Good on her,” Sooyoung chuckles. She feels warmth blossom in her chest. Jinsol has come so far in such a short time, and she knows she can attribute a lot of that growth to Jungeun. As she knows with Jiwoo, it takes the right person for certain things to be revealed in yourself. “So,” She begins cheekily. “Have y’all kissed yet?”

Sooyoung enjoys the way Jungeun’s face turns scarlet.

“Not yet,” Jungeun resists the urge to burrow herself in her hoodie. Sooyoung notices that it’s Jinsol’s old navy blue hoodie from freshman year, though she thinks she’ll give Jungeun another heart attack if she points that out right now. “We’ve been holding hands and kisses on the cheek but… I don’t know when or how I wanna do that with her yet.” Jungeun concludes, sipping her shake while her eyes dart from Sooyoung to the floor.

“Don’t sweat it, fam.” Sooyoung reassures, munching on a fry. “You’ll know when the moment comes. When Jiwoo and I first kissed, it was in the rain. I was walking her home and-”

“Oh brother,” Jungeun groans, playfully rolling her eyes. “Kissing in the rain? You're so corny.”

Sooyoung huffs. “You wouldn’t know romance if it hit you on the ass!” She crosses her arms, pout more intense than Jungeun’s could ever be.

“I’m just teasing,” Jungeun laughs softly, shooting a gentle smile to Sooyoung. “I bet it was wonderful. I can’t wait for the moment to happen with Sol and I. And Sooyoung…
" Jungeu pauses, meeting Sooyoung's eyes and sharing an expression of utmost gratitude. "Thank you for everything. We wouldn’t even be in this situation without you butting in and dragging me to Bible study.” The tenderness in Jungeun’s voice makes Sooyoung’s heart melt. Damn her.

“Oh it’s nothing,” Sooyoung’s nonchalant tone betrays the tears she’s wiping away from her eyes. That sap. “I’m very happy for you two, Jungie. It’ll be great to see where life leads ya next.”

With that, the two rise from their booth and exit Sandy’s in high spirits.

-

Sooyoung and Jungeun are walking to the younger girl’s house when Jungeun pops a question.

“Hey Soo?”

“Yeah?”

“You think you could come to the mall with me tomorrow? I want to find a gift for Jinsol.”

“Trying to court her, are we?”

“Of course I am!”

“What are you gonna get her? Little bracelets that say ‘hers’ on ‘em?”

“Yeah, actually. Something like that-”

“Goodness gracious that’s gay as fuck!”

“Like you’re one to talk!”

The two are bickering loudly, laughing at each other’s ridiculousness. A few feet behind them stands Haseul, who happens to be walking home from Jinsol’s house after she decided to walk the older girl home.

A soft, bittersweet smile graces her lips as she sees Jungeun laughing without a care in the world. She decides not to interfere with the pair as she turns heel, continuing her walk home.

Chapter Text

Sooyoung does love Jungeun more than words can describe.

She’s seen the girl grow so much in the month or so that they’ve known each other. Whether in the way of faith or now being a caring, sweet girlfriend to her best friend, Jungeun has only grown more brave and wonderful as time goes on.

But some things don’t change.

“For the last time-” Sooyoung’s growl is cut off by a shrieking Jungeun who narrowly sidesteps the older girl’s flurry of slaps.

“Listen!” Jungeun whines, clutching the small velvet bag in her hand for dear life. “I’m just asking if you think she’ll like it!” She huffs, as stubborn as ever. Sooyoung sighs, stopping her onslaught to massage her temples. This girl has shaved at least five years off of her life, she knows it. She inhales deeply before responding.

“Of course she’ll like it you fucking ignoramous,” Sooyoung’s voice is much too raised for their quiet suburb on a Sunday afternoon, but she cares not. Jungeun is scream-laughing as she hobbles away from the whirlwind that is Ha Sooyoung. “It’s Jinsol we’re talking about! She’s probably gonna cry for thirty minutes and tell God about her marriage plans afterwards!”

That makes Jungeun freeze in her tracks, cheeks turning a lovely shade of red. While Sooyoung is shaking her by her brolic shoulders, Jungeun thinks about what loving Jinsol in five, maybe ten years would look like. Would they have a big suburban house too? Would they move far, far away from here? Would they even last that lo-

“Snap out of it, fruitcup!” Sooyoung’s nagging rips Jungeun’s head from the clouds. The two are finally arriving at Jinsol’s doorstep. Jungeun doesn’t understand the unease that boils in her stomach. Jinsol and her have gotten inexplicably close in the month that they’ve gotten to know each other, so why now is she getting cold feet? Her fingers itch around the small purple velvet pouch in her palm.

When Jinsol opens the door, all the fear and anxiety melts away from Jungeun in an instant.

To the brunette, Jinsol looks as radiant as the angels she reads about. Her blonde hair cascades down her shoulders in a perfect ivory curtain, and Jungeun smiles inwardly at Jinsol getting more comfortable with letting her hair down. She may only be wearing one of Jungeun’s hoodies and some sweatpants, but she never fails to take the younger girl’s breath away.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” A nervous, giddy smile fixes itself on Jinsol’s face as she laughs at Jungeun, the latter turning red in record time.

“Because she’s such a-” Sooyoung’s quip is swiftly interrupted by Jungeun who, with the force of the big man Himself, shoves her as hard as her small body would allow, Sooyoung almost falling onto her ass. Sooyoung scowls at Jungeun, rearing for a fight. “You little-”

“Get in my house before we have a problem on our hands.” Jinsol says coolly, glowering at Sooyoung as she has many times while reprimanding her. Jinsol pulls a dazed Jungeun in by her wrist, leaving a grumbling Sooyoung to follow.

-

The white noise of the TV hums in the background of Jinsol’s room as the three sit in a comfortable silence. Jungeun finds herself sitting on the bed nestled against Jinsol’s bed frame with the older girl draped across her lap. Jinsol looks up to meet her eyes, the two giggling softly as Jungeun runs her fingers through those golden locks.

“I knew I shoulda brought Jiwoo.” Sooyoung mumbles quietly, her snarky comment falling on deaf ears. Though the cuteness makes her want to hurl, there’s no doubt that she’s as happy as she can be for the couple. She honestly never thought she would see Jinsol this happy in well… ever. Jungeun looks up to meet her eyes. Sooyoung wiggles her eyebrows at her, eyes then darting to the velvet pouch sitting next to Jungeun and then back to the girl herself. She can sense Jungeun’s anxiety but at this point, there’s nothing Jinsol wouldn’t do for Jungeun.

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” Sooyoung waves the couple off as she rises from the computer chair, leaving the room and the couple in privacy.

With her free hand, Jungeun reaches for the bag, trying her best to ignore the tremors in her fingers.

“Hey babe,” She speaks softly, Jinsol’s attention caught immediately. The older girl utters the most adorable ‘hm?’ Jungeun has heard in her life. “I got you- well us something.” Jungeun exhales shakily, heart beginning to race.

“What is it?” Jinsol asks as she sits up, looking at Jungeun with big, expectant eyes. Without further ado, Jungeun undoes the strings, pulling out their gifts. In her palm lays two silver cuff bracelets, donning the words ‘Forever’ and ‘Yours.’ The former bears a strip of blue running through it while the latter has red.

While this is not the first time Jinsol has shed tears, this is the first time they have been born out of sheer happiness.

“Jungie,” Jinsol’s voice is quiet, reverent, thick with emotion. She looks to Jungeun with the utmost adoration, placing her hands tenderly on top of the younger girl’s. “Thank you, baby.” She whispers with a watery tone, tears letting themselves fall.

“You’re welcome babe.” Jungeun says warmly, gently wiping the tears from Jinsol’s face. As her eyes lock with her girlfriend, she finally feels it. The air around them stills as time slows down, and Kim Jungeun knows what she now has to do.

The outside world comes to a standstill as Jungeun leans in, kissing Jeong Jinsol for the first time.

Jinsol’s mind goes white. She could compare the feeling to one of the better days of her sermons but no, this is more than that. There’s nothing in the world besides the lips on hers and the hands on her waist. This feeling is more than she could ever dare to describe, Jungeun’s lips taking her to somewhere higher than heaven. This is more than she could have ever dreamed of. There’s certainly no stopping the tears this time as Jinsol gingerly caresses the face of her angel.

The two pant gently as they part for air, sharing a gaze steeped in electricity. Jungeun can see stars in those hazel eyes she’s grown to love dearly. Jinsol sees an irreverent warmth in those almond eyes she’s loved this entire time.

“Can we,” Jinsol’s tone reminds Jungeun of when she used to ask her to come to her bible studies, that thinly veiled hunger showing itself once again. “Can we do that again?” Jungeun needs to give no verbal response, leaning in to claim the lips of her darling once again.

Unbeknownst to the couple on cloud nine, Jinsol’s phone vibrates on her pillow.

Sooyoungie: dude your parents are pulling up, you need to get her out of there

-

Sooyoung stands in the kitchen, leaning against the countertop as she drinks her water like it’s a fine wine. She peers out of the window, displeased with the black Rolls Royce that slithers into the driveway. Moments later, the door swings open.

“Girls, we’re home!” Now that’s a voice Sooyoung hasn’t heard in ages. Jinsol’s father is a tall, broad-shouldered man with a face as cold as his personality. His grizzled gray hair is neatly combed, face clean shaven. His beady brown eyes narrow as they meet with Sooyoung’s. “Ha Sooyoung, I wasn’t expecting you to be the first face I see as I walked into my home.” He utters stiffly; the two share a very mutual dislike for one another.

“Charmed as always, Mr. Jeong.” Sooyoung delivers his tone back to him, eyes cutting away to the stairs for just a moment before turning back to the older couple.

“Good to see you, honey.” Jinsol’s mom offers in a chipper tone. Sooyoung can see right through the dishonesty in it. While Jinsol bears a strong physical resemblance to her mother, the apple falls far from the tree personality wise. To Sooyoung, the woman is nothing but a bitter old crone under that mask. Who cares if she’s only pushing 50, Sooyoung can still say it. “Where are the girls?” The woman inquires.

“Chaewon is out at a friend’s and Jinsol is upstairs napping, I was just getting myself a drink and making myself at home as always.” Sooyoung’s charisma never fails to come in handy, her silver tongue working it’s magic. Jinsol’s mother emits a small ‘ah’ before going to set down her things. Sooyoung doesn’t miss the frown appearing on their faces at the implication of which friend Chaewon is hanging out with. God, these people get on her nerves.

“I see,” The father replies, his low rumbling tone never failing to send a chill up Sooyoung’s spine. “I’ll go up there to bother her, she can sleep when her parents aren’t home.” Sooyoung tries to quell the panic bubbling up in her system as Jinsol’s father sets off towards the stairs. She fishes her phone out of her pocket at light speed, dialing Jinsol as a last resort.

-

The new couple’s descent from heaven isn’t graceful, ripped out of their reverie as Jinsol finally checks her phone.

“No,” Her voice breaks, fear and loathing rising up with the bile in her throat. “No, not now.” She whispers frantically, beginning to utter too many things for Jungeun to keep up with as she begins to curl into herself, forgotten feelings rushing to the surface.

“Baby, what-” Clarity hits Jungeun like a wave as two of her senses are bombarded. As she reads Sooyoung’s text to Jinsol, she hears them; heavy, unfamiliar footsteps thundering up the stairs.

“You have to go. You have to go!” Jinsol barks in a frenzied tone. Jungeun looks to the window. While it isn’t the safest option, anything seems safer than what might happen if they’re seen together. She wedges the window open, surveying the landscape rather quickly. There’s a tree close enough to the side of the house, and she’s an athletic girl. The ever approaching footsteps drown out her thoughts as her body moves on its own, pulling her hood onto her head as she gets ready for her descent.

“I love you, Sollie.” Jungeun salutes her girl as she takes a leap of faith.

Jinsol has no time to check if her girlfriend is alright. As the window is closed, her door is opened.

“Jinsol-” Her father enters the room, brows quickly furrowing as he takes in the peculiar sight before him. “What are you doing?” Goodness, Jinsol did not miss that stone cold tone. No warmth. No love.

“Nothing, father.” She repositions herself on her bed, eyes full of apathy as she looks at the man who failed to raise her. “I didn’t know you’d be here today.” She doesn’t bother to conceal the bite in her voice. In the past she would have, but her frustration and worry for her girlfriend overrules any politeness. Her father frowns slightly, too jaded to understand his daughter’s discomfort.

“We wanted to surprise you and your sister,” He doesn’t dare to step in Jinsol’s room; doesn’t dare to show any physical affection. Someone should’ve told him a long time ago that not all of his relationships have to be business related. “Can you call Chaewon and tell her to come home soon? We’re going to order dinner in about half an hour.” He doesn’t even give Jinsol a chance to reply as he closes the door.

“Fantastic.” Jinsol spits as she hops onto her bed, craning her neck to look out of her window. No sight of Jungeun in her immediate line of vision. She checks her phone. Nothing yet. She sighs as she leans against the wall, shutting her eyes.. Her fingers fly to find purchase in her necklace. She grips the cross tightly, feeling foreign to her now. Since her and Jungeun have become more intertwined, she hasn’t felt this extreme urgency to rely on her faith. It’s become more comfortable as she’s discovered herself more. But at the moment she’s been shot back to that nervous, angry person she was before- her religion being the only thing to relax her.

God, please get her home safely. Please- Jinsol’s internal prayers are interrupted as she hears shouting coming from downstairs. That can’t be good.

Immediately after Jinsol flies down the stairs, she’s met with a nightmarish sight; Her father trying to console her mother who’s screaming like a banshee at Sooyoung; the latter’s anger thinly veiled as she argues with the woman.

“I know what I saw!” Mrs. Jeong shrieks as she shakes off her husband’s oven mitt of a hand from her shoulder, a freshly-manicured finger pointing in Sooyoung’s face.

“And I’m telling you,” Sooyoung’s voice drops an octave as she sheds any sense of being cordial. “That doesn’t make any sense.” The two of them stare each other down, the tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. It isn’t helped when they notice Jinsol enter the fray.

“Jinsol,” Her mother looks at her with wild eyes. “Was that a boy running out of our backyard?” The woman is fuming, too far gone. Jinsol’s blood runs cold as she’s paralyzed with fear.

“Of course it wasn’t!” Sooyoung interjects, coming to her friend’s aid verbally and physically as she rushes to Jinsol’s side, laying a hand on her shoulder. “You know Jinsol wouldn’t have a boy over.” Sooyoung may be right, but it isn’t helping their case.

“God help you if it was anyone else.” Her father’s tone is nothing short of threatening and it makes her heart sink. “It would explain you staring out of your window when I came into your room.” His accusation drives daggers into Jinsol’s chest. She feels like she’s being thrown underwater. Sooyoung’s hand on her shoulder is the only thing keeping her head above it.

She’s trapped. There’s nothing she can do. She’s always been her parents’ perfect, obedient God fearing daughter. She’s always followed their rules, always stayed by the book. When she tried to go out of line with Haseul, she was punished. She knows she can’t have happiness. She knows-

Forget what you used to know. That other voice nags in her head. That’s right. Everything changed once Kim Jungeun entered her life. The sweetest, most thoughtful, selfless girl she’s had the pleasure of knowing. The girl who always fights for herself and others, the girl who got her a gift promising them forever. The same girl who risked hurting herself for her. She has to fight for their relationship too, even if it’s hard at first.

Jinsol shakes her head, voice as tight as iron. “There wasn’t anyone coming out of my window, and no one running out of the yard. I saw something happening over in the Kim’s yard, maybe you saw one of their kids sneak into the yard. You know they used to want to get in our pool.” She punctuates her statement with a cross of her arms.

Jinsol and her father look at each other, silence flooding the room.

“Well,” Mr. Jung’s jaw tightens, eyes dimming as he mulls it over in his mind. “I know I didn’t raise a liar.” Thankfully his ego outweighs his suspicion. “Honey, I think Sollie’s right. You should apologize to Sooyoung.” Jinsol has to stifle a grin as her mom’s face flushes, embarrassment written all over her face.

“I’m… sorry, honey.” Mrs. Jung nearly grits out as Sooyoung does nothing to conceal her face of triumph.

“It’s quite alright, Mrs Jung.” Sooyoung replies. “I think…” She looks to Jinsol, who gives her a nod of confirmation. “It’s time to take my leave.” She removes her hand from Jinsol as she struts towards the door. “Have a good night, folks! Make sure to text me later, Sol.” With that, Sooyoung is out the door.

“I’ll text Chaewon.” Jinsol murmurs, excusing herself to her room.

-

Jungeun managed to make it out of there alive, thanks to the big guy Himself. She sits in her living room, panting as she catches her breath and kicks off her shoes. Yes there was a tree near the house, and yes she landed on it safely. But it didn’t happen without her body hating her just a little bit- her right leg feels more than a little sore. Hopefully some relaxation and ice will do her some good. More importantly, she hopes Jinsol is alright.

“I deserve a medal for that 100-yard dash,” Jungeun mumbles to herself, reaching for her phone. Not twenty seconds later, there’s banging at her front door. “God no, fuck no!” She shouts, afraid that the Jung’s somehow appeared right behind her with the will and fury of whatever messed up version of God they created in their heads.

“It’s me!” Sooyoung shouts from the other side. With a big sigh of relief, Jungeun rushes to open the door. “Those people are fucking crazy, I was so close to catching a case against that old hag.” The older girl groans as she enters the house, nearly slamming the door shut behind her.

-

Soon, the two of them are seated at Jungeun’s kitchen table, waiting for food to arrive. To ease their nerves, soft indie-pop plays from Jungeun’s speakers. Sooyoung’s contribution is rolling a joint while tearing up a bag of Lays.

“Text Jinsol, she’s worried sick. Only makes sense after that police interrogation I just witnessed.” Sooyoung shoves more chips in her mouth as she directs Jungeun.

“You don’t have to tell me twice.” The younger girl replies. She hastily sends a text to Jinsol telling her she’s alright, adding a selfie of her with a thumbs up.

“Now,” Sooyoung starts as she finishes rolling her blunt, retrieving her lighter. “Let’s use this as a reward for your efforts.”

-

From: Jungie <3: I made it here in one piece!
From: Jungie <3: [image attached]

Jinsol clutches her necklace as she sinks back into her bed, relieved beyond belief. She grins at the smiling face of her girlfriend accompanied by that goofy thumbs up. That’s good news.

What isn’t good news is the fact that her parents are planning on staying for a few nights to ‘make sure everything is going well,’ much to her and Chaewon’s dismay. Her little sister barely said five words to their parents at dinner, hastily going to her room when it finished. Unfortunately for Jinsol, this means she’ll be on lockdown outside of school until they leave. Sure, she’ll see Jungeun at school. But some people there aren’t too accepting, and who knows if any word can travel back to her parents.

She stares out of the window, into the night sky.

There may be turbulence, but she and Jungeun can steer through this storm together.

Chapter Text

Joshua 1:9; Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Jinsol has recited that verse so many times in her head that she’s afraid it’ll fly off of her shoulders. No matter how soothing the words of her beloved book are, she has to admit it.

She’s afraid.

She knows that through love and through their now shared dedication to faith, her and Jungeun will get through this. They can overcome whatever the world has to throw at them. Jungeun, who is brave and courageous and kind, can help lead her out of the darkness she’s been shrouded in for so long. Despite all this, she can’t deny the most obvious truth: they’re still human.

Humans aren’t perfect. God made all of his children in his image, yes; but some of those children have strayed from the path. Some will cheat, lie, steal. Hold hate in their hearts. Do whatever they can to get to the ‘top,’ to get higher ground above their fellow children of God. Some, like her, hold the crushing weight of anxiety and depression. Words that were banned in her Church, concepts that evoke a feeling of revulsion among the congregation. But as she spent more time with her girlfriend (goodness, that feels weird to say) who deals with those problems herself, Jinsol has come to terms with it.

So, as a human she can’t control the way she feels.

She sure as hell can’t control others’ feelings about her either.

She feels like all eyes are on her. Like there are whispering words dancing around her, calling her all sorts of things; a freak, a failure, a sinner. She tries her best to maintain her usual air or regality and perfection when she roams the hallways of the academy, but complicated feelings bubble under the surface.

“Good afternoon, Jinsol.” A dulcet, soft-spoken tone contrasts the loud slam of her locker door. Jinsol casts her gaze to her right to see shimmering pink hair.

Wong Kahei. An adversary, for lack of a better word. The two of them go way back; Jinsol can remember agonizing church dinners where their parents would both attend and Kahei would find anything to gain leverage above Jinsol on. It went from how high they can jump and how many words they could write per second to Kahei shoving any test she got better marks on in Jinsol’s face. Or any achievement, really. Jinsol would seethe any time Kahei insists that she’s more devout than her. What a petty thing to say. Since her parents haven’t been around so much, she hasn’t made any such contact with the girl. Sure she still sees her in church, but she has no interest in staying around to chat.

If she could, Jinsol would completely ignore Kahei. But she can’t. They’re in a few classes together, they’ve been at events together. Worst of all, she’s one of Haseul’s best friends. The pair of them haven’t been around each other in a while, but Haseul has still updated her on their endeavors. Annoying.

“Kahei,” Jinsol’s voice is clipped as she fully turns her head towards Kahei. Elegant as always, Kahei’s hair cascades down her shoulders, light makeup accentuating her admiringly ethereal features. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” Jinsol’s usual guard she reserves for those not close to her is slightly dropped when it comes to Kahei; there’s no masking how they feel for each other.

Kahei pouts, a faux expression of disappointment on her face.

“What, I can’t say hi to my neighbor?” Kahei leans against the lockers, glowering up at Jinsol behind her probably very expensive specs. Jinsol grimaces. She doesn’t like whatever she’s feeling.

“I suppose you can.” Jinsol breathes out, fingers now anxiously wrapping around her necklace. Kahei watches the movement in rapt interest.

“Nothing to feel nervous about, Sollie.” Kahei accentuates her sentence with a light touch to Jinsol’s shoulder. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing. My parents mentioned that yours are back in town.”

Jinsoul tenses immediately. Kahei relishes the feeling of it under her palm.

“That they are.” Out. Jinsol wants to get out. She wills her body not to tremble. Her breathing slows, thumb sliding up and down her cross gently. Kahei runs her hand down Jinsol’s arm before removing it.

“That’s good to hear. And you wanna know something?” No Kahei. No she doesn’t. Kahei grins, face lighting up like she heard the juiciest secret. “I think I could hear your mom on the phone, yelling about some boy running across your yard. That would be crazy, wouldn’t it?”

Jinsol’s breathing stops. What does Kahei know? She wouldn’t be able to know anything, that doesn’t make sense. Jinsol has made a great deal of concealing herself… but there’s Haseul. Has she…? No, no. She can’t freeze up now. She can’t play into whatever silly little game Kahei is trying to have her play. She’s better than that. She straightens up, fastening her backpack straps.

“It would be,” Jinsoul deadpans. There’s no time for this nonsense. Kahei’s face drops, seemingly disappointed at the lack of entertainment she’s reviving now. “That’s definitely unlike me. No time for that kind of stuff when we’re focusing on college, right Kahei?” She raises an eyebrow, revelling in the now agitated expression of her senior.

“I suppose there isn’t.” Kahei sighs, deflated. She scowls inwardly at the subtle smirk Jinsol tosses at her. Jinsol promptly turns heel, shooting Kahei one last glance.

“I thought as much. I’ll see you around, Kahei.” Jinsol doesn’t wait for a reply before leaving the scene, leaving an irritated Kahei in her wake.

“That girl….” Kahei grumbles before heading to her next class.

-

Thanks to Jungeun, Jinsol finds herself in an unfamiliar spot in her free period. The two of them sit on the outskirts of the school’s track, near the treeline. They’re perched on a well-loved wooden table, engraved with all the couple names and profanities you could think of.

“How’s your day been so far, doin’ okay?” Jungeun inquires, her hand coming to gently rest on Jinsol’s. The blonde swoons internally as Jungeun rubs her thumb in circles on the back of her palm. Her heart still skips a beat when her girlfriend is affectionate. But she’s still feeling that same fear from earlier nagging at the back of her head.

“Hasn’t been too bad, but…” Jinsol trails off, eyebrows furrowing. Jungeun notices that faraway look on Jinsol’s face, one she knows very well by now.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, babe.” Jungeun insists softly, giving Jinsol that gentle look that she almost can’t stand. Babe. The word pierces into Jinsol’s heart. Sometimes she still can’t believe this is real, that the two of them are truly together. But of course, there are a lot of factors that keep her from fully enjoying it. Her parents, her crippling anxiety, that insufferable Kahei-

“Jinsol.” Her eyes now dart to Jungeun who’s wearing that worried expression that she’s grown to hate. She doesn’t hate her girlfriend. Of course she doesn’t. But she hates that she always makes her so concerned over everything. Jungeun shouldn’t have to worry over her at every moment. She’s older than her too, for crying out loud.

“It’s fine, Jungeun.” She brushes it off. She doesn’t want to. But she feels like this is better than bringing up that witch, or her irrational fear that everyone is out to get her. But is it irrational? Her parents sure don’t want her to be happy. She wouldn’t be surprised if Kahei was spying for them, ready for her to make one wrong move-

Her breathing is heavy. Her other palm is itching to grab her necklace, but she’s trying to calm that down while Jungeun is around. She doesn’t want her fear to always lead her to withdraw in her religion. Especially knowing that there are people who are there to help. She closes her eyes, taking deep breaths. Jungeun sits there with her, tightening her grip on her palm ever so slightly.

“You’re okay, Jinsol.” Jungeun reassures. Damn her and her ability to make everything alright. Jinsol knows she has to try, even if things get too scary.

“It’s…” Jinsol starts, trying not to feel unnerved with Jungeun’s rapt attention on her. The warm spring breeze blows between them as Jinsol peers out at the girls running on the track in the distance. “I feel like there are eyes all over me. My parents know other girls’ parents at church, I’m worried…” for us, is what’s left unsaid. Jungeun nods.

“I don’t think anyone here would be that nosy, right?” She chuckles softly, but her face then drops as Jinsol looks at her with a frighteningly serious face.

“They would be.” Jinsol’s disappointment seeps through her tone. She knows Jungeun can’t completely understand her feelings, but she expected a little more sympathy. Luckily for her, her girlfriend is a mind-reader. Or at least just emotionally competent. Jungeun winces, quickly amending that mistake.

“Sorry, Sol. I wasn’t thinking.” Jungeun apologizes, hand now finding itself on Jinsol’s waist.

“And you still aren’t.” Jinsol snaps, removing Jungeun’s hand from her body immediately. Even if they’re far from the rest of the school, they can still easily be seen. Why isn’t Jungeun considering that? “Not everyone can be as comfortable as you are, you know.” Jinsol speaks without thinking as well. She doesn’t want to see Jungeun’s hurt expression, but she looks over anyway. Panic wells inside of her. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-“ Jungeun shakes her head.

“It wasn’t okay for you to say that, but I know it’s out of fear. Whatever is eating at you, or whoever it is, we can get to the bottom of it together. I’ll lay off the PDA at school, alright? It won’t change how I feel about you one bit.” Jungeun punctuates her statement with a soft smile, those cinnamon eyes brimming with that compassion that Jinsol can’t get enough of. Her returned smile is watery, eyes tearing up.

“Okay.” Is all she can say, but she allows herself to hug her girlfriend, nothing suspicious about that. Jungeun wraps her arms around her. With that, Jinsol knows she’ll be okay.

-

“Kahei. Do you know the name?” Jinsol asks quietly as the two of them step down the grassy hill, making their way back to the track to get inside for their next classes.

Jungeun thinks on it for a second. “I might. Maybe I’ve heard Haseul say it in passing. A friend of hers?” Jinsol nods.

“Hers, yes. Mine? Not so much. A… church acquaintance. Through family.” Jungeun lets out a small ‘ah.’ In response. “I don’t know what she’s up to. I hope it’s not much but…” Jinsol shakes her head. “I’ll text you later. I’ll see you around… darling.” She cringes at herself. Hard. But the twinkle in Jungeun’s eyes makes up for that a thousand times over.

“See you around, darling.” Jungeun imitates her girlfriend and promptly receives a smack on the arm from her beet red blondie. The two of them soon part ways after they enter the building.

-
In her study period, Haseul finds herself graced with her senior’s presence.

“Is this seat taken?” She looks up from her notes to see Kahei before her, looking as stunning as always. If anyone could pull off their boring royal blue uniforms the best, it’s definitely her.

“Hey Kahei! It never is if you’re involved.” That was so corny. Haseul grins as the older girl sits across from her, the group study section of the library teeming with life. The older girl softly smiles back as she gets herself settled.

“Hi Seullie. How’ve you been?” Kahei asks as she pulls out her materials, cracking open a science textbook and beginning to outline some notes. Haseul has always been in awe at her ability to multitask. And by multitask she means writing and talking at the same time. Oh, how many times she’s ignored Sooyoung….

“I’ve been pretty good! Just getting ready for exam season, practicing singing while I can.” Haseul replies, her chuckle coming out a little too nervously for her liking. She doesn’t know why she feels a little nervous around Kahei. Yes she’s gay and yes she’s pretty. But Kahei has always felt more like a maternal or older sister figure to her. So what’s different now? Who’s to say. Either way, she can’t deny how her heartbeat speeds up a little when she’s nearby.

Her heart warms at the mention of the girl’s singing. There have been many nights where they’d sit in her house, Kahei listening to Haseul singing opera songs flawlessly without effort. It’s truly something to witness.

“I’m glad to hear that, you know I’ve always loved your beautiful voice.” The sentence comes out a little too sentimental for Kahei’s liking, though she doesn’t quite regret it when she sees the scarlet blush on Haseul’s cheeks.

Though Kahei came here to ask some questions, she still feels very genuine feelings about Haseul. The girl is a diligent worker and a wonderful soul, she carries herself beautifully. They met at school in their freshman year and clicked immediately. They’ve hung out plenty in school and plenty outside of school, and yet every time feels like a new, exciting experience. Kahei can’t describe what that feeling is. Or maybe she just doesn’t know how to.

“Thank you, Kahei.” Haseul beams. She rests her head in her palm, looking too adorable for Kahei to stand. “So, what cha been up to?”

“About the same, getting ready. Been tending to my garden more…” Kahei begins to ramble on about how things have been while Haseul looks at her like she hung the stars in the sky. Okay, maybe talk of Jinsol can wait a while.

-

“I win! Again!” Jiwoo cheers as Jungeun glares at her, tossing her controller to the side. So she’s a sore loser. Sue her.

“Yeah, cause you’re a dirty cheater.” Jungeun grumbles. See, sore loser. Jiwoo sticks her tongue out at her.

“You’re just mad because you’re garbage at Mario Kart!”

“I am not!”

“Yes you are! Your kart builds are terrible! And who even picks Dry Bones-“

“Don’t speak on my boy Dry Bones!”

The two of them engage in a five minute argument about Mario Kart before the game is turned off. It’s for the greater good, Jiwoo thinks as she wants to prevent Jungeun from blowing a gasket.

The two of them are foraging for snacks in Jiwoo’s kitchen while the girl’s phone buzzes.

“It’s Youngie. You mind if she comes over?” Jiwoo cocks her head, popping a powdered donut in her mouth. Shhh, it’s her cheat day.

“Nah, I don’t mind. It’s your house.” Jungeun responds, leaning back in her chair as she rips open a pack of Ritz crackers. Jiwoo frowns.

“Yeah, but she’s my girlfriend and I still want us to have our friend time, y'know?” Jiwoo explains, the powder caking up on her fingers crazing a very bizarre image.

“Yeah, I get it. But she’s my friend too, I like hanging out with you two! I do appreciate the concern, especially since I can’t see Soullie…” Jungeun trails off, expression dropping ever so slightly.

“Hey, cheer up! She’ll be off house arrest in no time once those pesky parents of hers skip town again!” Jiwoo claps Jungeun’s back with those sugar-ladened fingers of hers. Gross.

“Gross.” Jungeun groans. Jiwoo giggles as she moves her hand around, bouncing back as Jungeun swats an arm at her with a screech. The two of them share a laugh as Jungeun’s spirits brighten. “Thank you, Wooming.”

Jiwoo smiles her megawatt smile. “Anytime, Jungeunnie!”

-

“Kahei came up and bothered her? What a nosy b-“ Jiwoo’s sharp gaze stops Sooyoung’s oncoming profanity in its tracks. Sooyoung clears her throat. “Yeah, I’ve never been a huge fan of that girl. But Haseul loves her, so I usually don’t complain.” Sooyoung explains, sinking even further as she is into Jiwoo’s death trap of a couch.

“I see.” Jungeun resembles The Thinker as she looks out the window, admiring the sunset. “You think she’d do anything to harm Jinsol?” She doesn’t want to even think about that, but it could be a possibility. To her dismay, Sooyoung’s expression confirms her answer.

“She might. Not physically of course but… I think that girl could be a snake. I’ll keep an ear out. We obviously won’t have Haseul to help our efforts but hopefully that girl doesn’t do anything stupid.” Sooyoung then takes a sip of her beloved earl grey tea.

“Enough talking about some chick! I want to watch a movie!” Jiwoo proclaims, the sheer force of her words almost causing her girlfriend to spit her tea out. Netflix is turned on promptly as the couple begin to bicker.

“Another rom-com? I don’t know if I can handle the same-“

“Shove it, Youngie! I always have to watch your stupid psychological thrillers always telling me that life is a lie and nothing is worth living for! How can you even-“

“They are not stupid! I’ll have you know-“

Jungeun tunes the two out, deciding she’ll refocus when a movie is finally in front of her. Instead she thinks about Jinsol. She hopes she’s okay. From what she’s heard of her parents, they aren’t the best. And she hopes this Kahei won’t be an extreme problem for them either. She’s surprised she hasn’t noticed her sooner. You’d think Jinsol would’ve said something about her sooner. Then again, Jinsol isn’t the best with explaining things. She is getting better though, and Jungeun is beyond proud of that. Her phone buzzing snaps her out of her reverie. Maybe it’s Jinsol responding to her silly video of Sooyoung and Jiwoo singing Ariana Grande and Nicki Minaj with frighteningly good impressions. She fishes the phone out of her pocket.

Her face goes white.

From: Jane: hey Jungeun :) I’m back in town!

Chapter Text

      “Wait, Jane? Like ‘ex-girlfriend that skipped town and made you super sad for like a billion years’ Jane?’” Jiwoo all but shouts in a rain-drenched Sandy’s, the two of them weathering a storm over baskets of fries.

        “ Yes, that Jane! And keep your voice down!” Jungeun scolds, eyes-darting left and right over the mostly desolate diner.

        “Jungie, there’s no one here! Relax a little!” Jiwoo reaches over to drive a finger in between Jungreun’s furrowed brows, garnering a strained screech. The elderly couple that is here toss the girls some disgruntled looks. Ugh, old people.

    “I always feel like there are eyes on me these days…” Jungeun mumbles forlornly. Ever since the incident with Jinsol’s parents, she’s been feeling paranoid. Jungeun is brave. Jungeun is strong. But there are always gonna be things she can’t control, and that gets difficult for her to realize. 

Jiwoo’s face drops at her friend’s sad expression. 

     “Don’t worry about everyone else. Just make sure you’re okay,” Jiwoo shoots Jungeun a reassuring smile. It never fails. “And Soullie too! I still need to meet her, you know!” Jiwoo ends with a pout in typical Jiwoo fashion. Jungeun feels at ease already.

      “I know, I know!” Jungeun giggles. “Thank you, Wooming.” 

“Anytime, Jungie!” 

Her and Jiwoo sit in a comfortable silence for a moment before Jiwoo brings back the topic at hand. 

    “So….” She doesn’t need to continue.

    “Yeah,” Jungeun sighs. “Jane’s been texting me nonstop since she’s rolled back in town.” She fidgets with her fingers at the thought of all the unread texts on her phone. 

     “You should get back to her soon.” Man,  Jiwoo knows how to nag. But she’s not wrong. Even if she doesn’t know how to feel about her at present, it’s better than blowing her off. 

     “Stop being right all the time.” Jungeun huffs. She barely dodges a fry that’s thrown at her as she starts crafting a message to her ex.

To: Jane: hey! sorry I took a while to respond. Once the rain clears we can

Jungeun deletes the message again and again. She just can’t get it right. How do you even do stuff like this? She knows it’s not the best move, but she opts to leave that alone for the moment. She decides to slide her phone away for now, quickly distracting Jiwoo by bringing up some cringy thing Sooyoung did the other day. Of course it works.

-

   Soon after, the storm clears. Jungeun bid Jiwoo farewell some time ago, now finding herself sitting at the creek near her house. Leaves whip all around her as she stares out past the treeline, pondering her next move. She can respond to Jane later. Tell her she was busy. Or maybe she can skip town, change her name and find somewhere far, far away- 

“No, that wouldn’t work ‘cause of Sol…” Jungeun mumbles to herself. She racks her brain over and over. How do you talk to the person you thought you were in love with after they abruptly move away for years and then return like everything is fine? Jungeun certainly doesn’t know how, nor does she really want to find out. Frustrated, she tosses a stone into the creek. It skips on the water once, twice before falling in.

Leaves crunch under approaching footsteps.

“Look who it is!” That siren-song of a voice is all too familiar. Jungeun’s head whips to her left. She almost wishes it didn’t. 

There in the flesh is Jane herself. How did she even find me here? She knows the two used to frequent the creek, but there was no way Jane would have known she’d be here right now. Just her luck.

“Your wrist is as sharp as ever, hotshot.” Doe eyes, a fox-like grin and what looks like freshly dyed blue hair greet her. Yup, that’s Jane. A little different looking now, but that beauty, charm and charisma is there all the same. Jungeun forces a smile onto her face. She wishes she didn't have to do that either. Just go with it, she chides herself.

“You know I’m the best around!” Jungeun siphons out some enthusiasm as her lame finger guns make their appearance once again. It seems as if Jane has missed them, a melodic laugh escaping her lips soon after. Jungeun wishes she didn’t miss that sound. Jane makes herself comfortable, sliding on the ground next to Jungeun. Jungeun stiffens, fidgeting slightly.

“You’re looking hotter than ever, hotshot.” The older girl teases, lightly prodding Jungeun’s side. Jungeun doesn’t move an inch. The immediate affection makes the brunette inwardly cringe.

“Thanks.” Jungeun replies softly in an uneven tone as she picks at some loose fibers in her jeans.  “Welcome back,” she tacks on, eyes not meeting Jane’s. Her gaze grazes just past the older girl.

           “What a welcome it is, someone forgot to text me back!” Jane rests an arm on Jungeun’s shoulder. Jungeun tries to quell the panic bubbling inside her chest.

          “Yeah I…” Jungeun trails off.

Jane and Jungeun have known each other for a good nine, maybe ten years. Even if Jane has been away for a few of them, she still knows Jungeun very well. 

She can tell when Jungeun is really excited and every part of her body seems to vibrate. She can tell when Jungeun needs affection when she’s very quiet and withdrawn, apologizing over nothing. 

She can definitely tell when Jungeun doesn’t want to talk to someone. 

That affection and warmth she radiates is replaced with something cold and awkward. It’s unpleasant to witness and even more unpleasant to experience. Unfortunately it seems like that’s the case at the moment. She’s been trying to break through this frigid wall that was built as soon as she stepped onto the scene, but it looks like there’s no luck. Jane doesn’t quite like being on the receiving end of something she never expected to be.

Jane knows she left. She knows it was sudden. She knows it must not feel great for Jungeun. It wasn’t up to her. She… was going to contact her girlfriend but things got away from her. She wants to say sorry. She wants things to be okay with Jungeun. She wants… Well, that can wait. Maybe that will never happen if Jungeun keeps acting like she’s bothering her. She’s getting frustrated beyond belief.

“Jungeun,” Jane coaxes the younger girl out of her reclusive state. Jane appreciates Jungeun’s eyes finally coming up to meet hers. That same soft light brown she’s adored over the years. She loathes seeing sadness and fear in them like she does in this moment. “ Talk to me, I’ve missed you.” Her tone is near pleading, eyes shining with concern.

 Jungeun can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. It’s quickly being smothered by the dislike of being talked to like she’s a scared child. 

“Jane…” Jungeun begins airily as she pulls her gaze away again. She also pulls her shoulder from under Jane’s grasp. Push and pull. Push and pull. That’s always how it was. Jungeun feels like she never won then, and she wants to win now.

Jane’s gaze is laser-focused on Jungeun’s side profile as the younger girl stares vacantly into the distance. Her features are harder than she’s ever seen them. Harder than they should be. Jaw tightened. Shoulders squared. 

At this moment, Jungeun realizes something she should have had a long time ago. She doesn’t always have to be the nice one. The agreeable one. She doesn’t always have to force a smile for other’s happiness while burrowing away her own uncomfortability. She can say no.

“I honestly can’t say the same.” Jungeun’s monotone statement cuts through the air. She knows it’s not completely true, but she also knows she wants nothing to do with Jane at this very moment.

There’s a shared disbelief over Jungeun’s words. Jungeun can’t believe she let those feelings rise to the surface. Jane can’t believe them to be true.

“ What?” Is all Jane can say, all she can think. She’s been away for years, thinking about the girl she couldn’t wait to see again, and this is what she comes back to? “Jungeun, what-”

“You think that,” Jungeun starts, breathing becoming increasingly ragged. “You think that you can just show up here unannounced and I’ll welcome you with open arms?” Her eyes- no her whole body, is now turned to Jane. They sit inches away from each other. Static courses between the two. Jungeun’s eyes display a quiet rage, one that has been festering under layers of politeness and complacency. Her voice is a growl, more beast than human.

Jane won’t stand for any of this. This isn’t her Jungeun. She didn’t come back to be barked at. She inches more into the younger girl’s personal space.

“Don’t act like you’re innocent in any of this,” Jane counters. Her voice sharpens as she glowers at her counterpart. Her eyes dart to her favorite lips that are now stretched into a scowl. “You could’ve reached out to me too! I’ve been worried sick -”

“How was I supposed to know?” Jungeun’s voice is just below a snarl. Her eyes flash with something dangerous. But she’s not just angry. 

She’s scared. She’s trembling. She wasn’t expecting any of this right now. She wasn’t expecting her right now. She already has to deal with her current girlfriend being under the supervision of her asshole parents, and now she has to deal with her ex-girlfriend re-appearing and acting like nothing bad ever happened. 

The pot boils over.

“ You left! You didn’t text me or make any contact! For all I know you never wanted to talk to me ever again!” Jungeun roars. She sounds just like-

“ God , Jungeun.” Jane‘s tone is dismissive. She exhales, shaking her head as stress eats at her too. “No, of course I wanted to talk to you. Things just got complicated and-”

“First of all, don’t use his name in vain.” Jungeun’s voice is as serious as a heart attack. 

“Wh- who, God? ” This goes beyond disbelief. Jane isn’t even sure if she’s talking to the same person right now. “Since when are you religious?” The mocking tone makes Jungeun’s blood boil. She knows Jane is an atheist. She has had no problem with that. Well that was in the past, when they were a couple and she was agnostic. Now she’s dating a Catholic girl and is stepping into faith herself. She’s gonna feel at least a little different.

 “Yes, God,” Jungeun responds as if that was the dumbest question to be asked. She ignores the second part of the question as she continues with “And if you really wanted to, you would’ve found a way.” With that, Jungeun rises to her feet. She’s had enough for now.

Jane’s eyebrows shoot up in alarm. 

     “Hey, Jungeun, wait-“ She reaches out for the younger girl. To her surprise, Jungeun gingerly wraps her hand around Jane’s wrist. They meet eyes once again. Jungeun’s eyebrows are slightly upturned, gaze tender. It reminds Jane of how her dog looks at her after he’s done something wrong.

 “I don’t regret what I said,” Jungeun’s tone returns to its gentle lilt. “But I’m sorry we had to meet again like this. I wasn’t expecting it.” She releases Jane’s hand and takes a step back. “I want to talk to you a little later once I clear my head, okay?” 

Jane is at a loss. Well not completely. At least Jungeun knows this was ridiculous. She does appreciate the clarity. While it’s not the ideal outcome, she’ll take it.

“Alright,” Jane musters up a small smile. “I’ll talk to you soon then, Jungie.” Jungeun doesn’t really like the nickname right now, but she’ll let it slide.

With a wave, Jungeun takes off. She doesn’t dare look back.

-

It’s around 6 pm. The sun starts to set a little earlier, an orange glow stretching across the quiet suburb. This is when Haseul loves to go on walks, taking solace in the quiet beauty around her. There’s an occasional person walking their dog or group of kids playing in someone’s yard. It comes in as ambient noise past the music she’s listening to in her airpods.

Today she’s found herself on a longer stroll, on the other side of the neighborhood. They’re quaint houses, smaller than her own. Charming in their own right. After her eyes glaze over a row of houses, she takes a double take. 

On the front step of a particularly cute off-white house is none other than Kim Jungeun. 

That same Kim Jungeun looks like she’s seen better days. Without hesitation, Haseul strides up to the house.

“Hey Jungeun,” Haseul begins softly, kneeling down to the younger girl’s level. “Are you alright?” 

Jungeun looks up to see Haseul. Not who she expected, but she’s not complaining at the moment. She gives no verbal response.

Haseul contains her surprise as she feels two arms wrap around her waist, Jungeun’s head then burying itself in the crook of her neck. 

“It’s okay honey,” Haseul coos. She rubs soothing circles into the other girl’s back as she feels tears wet her skin. “You’re okay. Just let it out.” Haseul lets herself be held, lets Jungeun sob her frustrations out. At one point this would’ve made her heart flutter. But now, she just wants to be a good friend to Jungeun. Nothing more, nothing less.

 The two sit there for a while, the ambient noise of the world around them almost masking Jungeun’s quiet sobs and whimpers. Haseul cheers internally as she feels the younger girl’s breathing steady against her. 

  “Sorry,” Jungeun’s voice is hoarse as she pulls away from the embrace. “I should’ve-“

“I don’t want to hear anything negating your own feelings, Jungeun.” Haseul curbs any self-deprecation with swiftness. Jungeun has no rebuttal for that, opting to hum softly as she draws her knees up to her chest, draping her arms around them.

Haseul spends the next few minutes listening to Jungeun speak about her sudden meeting with her ex-girlfriend. She’s never heard Jungeun sound so unsure of herself, so small. It breaks her heart. Something gnaws at her as Jungeun recounts the unwanted advances Jane made on her. Is this how I made her feel? She knows she still has to apologize. She has to find time for that, for her both of their sakes.

But there’s something else she’s feeling too. It’s in the way a current of strength still carries through Jungeun’s words. It blooms in her chest after hearing how Jungeun established herself, how she did what’s right. How she did what she should have when Haseul acted on her own impulses. Better late than never.

“Jungeun,” The younger girl looks at Haseul, who’s bathed in the glow of the setting sun. She looks ethereal. “I’m so proud of you.”

Jungeun being the crybaby that she is, starts bawling again. Haseul can’t help but to laugh softly as she takes the younger girl in her arms this time. 

“Thank you Seullie,” Jungeun’s muffled tone is embarrassed, and Haseul doesn’t have to look to know that there’s a rosy hue on her cheeks. “I really appreciate it.” Jungeun chuckles. After Haseul ends the hug, she finally does what she’s been meaning to.

   “I’m sorry about…you know…I… I had no right to do any of that,” Haseul chokes out the sentence, still angry with herself. Jungeun slides a hand on her shoulder.

  “All water under the bridge, Seul.” Jungeun says simply, face soon erupting into her world-famous goofball grin. It’s so easy to laugh with Jungeun over nothing, and Haseul is grateful that she can share in a moment like this again.

The two of them chatter about life and things to come under the open air, letting the sunset christen a new era in their friendship.

-

“We should be back in a week or two, alright?” Mr. Jeong doesn’t bother to actually look at his daughters as he slips his coat on, grabbing his keys. Jinsol is surprised they’re leaving so soon, but she’s definitely not complaining. Maybe nothing was suspicious enough for them to care to stay here. That means Kahei shouldn’t be a problem either… for now.

   “Got it.” Jinsol responds as she helps her mom gather some last-minute things.

    “Make it longer,” Chaewon mumbles under her breath. She’s lucky her sister is the only one who heard it. Chaewon sticks her tongue out at a glaring Jinsol. 

The sisters walk their parents out to the car, stiff goodbyes exchanged before they finally pull off. There’s no greater relief for the sisters than seeing that truck rumble out of the driveway, off into oblivion for another long period of time.

“Thank the lord!” Chaewon exclaims, throwing her arms up in the air. 

“Y’know kid,” Jinsol puts her hands on her hips as she watches their parents’ truck turn out of their sight. “I’m with you on that one.” The sisters high-five as they walk back into the house.

Chaewon wasted no time in inviting Yerim over. Jinsol swears the purple-haired ball of energy appeared in the house within two minutes, the two girls yelling and laughing up in Chaewon’s room. She can’t help but smile to herself. Chaewon was miserable the whole time their parents were there, she deserves this for sure. 

But then again, so was Jinsol. She grins to herself as she looks at her ‘Yours’ bracelet, red stripe running through it reminding her of her darling. It’s about time she sees her own ray of sunshine as well. Jinsol flops on the couch as she whips her phone out.

To: Jungie <3: hey baby! miss you!! parents just left, come over pls <333

Jinsol’s eyebrows furrow. It’s been five minutes. Usually Jungeun responds in a minute or so. Maybe she’s showering or something. Jinsol lets out a dramatic sigh as she tosses and turns on the couch. She nearly fumbles her phone out of her hand as she scrambles to read the incoming text.

From: Jungie <3 : be right over babe :]

Huh. The text is devoid of all the extra emojis and hearts Jungeun usually adds. Is she alright? Did I do something? No, now’s not the time to get in your own head, Jinsol. You do enough of that already. 

When Jungeun finally rolls up to her door, Jinsol has to stop herself from becoming a helicopter… girlfriend? Jungeun doesn’t look okay. As an expert in the field, Jinsol can tell she’s been crying. Jungeun’s face is deflated, though her eyes are full of love once they lock with Jinsol’s. Who did this? Who made my- Jinsol has to stop herself. Whoever it is can wait. Jungeun needs her. 

   “Hi baby,” Jinsol ushers her girlfriend inside, taking her by the hand. Her heart cracks a little at how tightly Jungeun holds on. “I’ve missed you so much.”

This time, Jungeun can say the same. “I’ve missed you too” rolls off her tongue as naturally as air moves through her lungs. A sweet kiss full of everything unsaid comes easily after that.

Here, lying in Jinsol’s arms with some silly shoujo anime on, Jungeun can fully relax for the first time today.

Here, she doesn’t have to wish that she felt differently. She doesn’t have to wish that she could smother the compassion she still feels under her overbearing sense of justice. She doesn’t have to wish that things went another way.

Jungeun doesn’t have to wish when it comes to Jinsol.

All her wishes have come true.

Chapter Text

Ding.

Ding.

Ding.

The church bells thunder ominously, signifying the end of today’s worship. Jinsol delicately closes her Bible and rises to her feet as the rest of the churchgoers do the same. The thrum of people conversing and their feet against the hardwood is a low roar in her ears. She’s surrounded by other people of faith and of course that makes her happy, but she can’t help but feel a little ache in her heart these days. She used to be able to just smile and nod but-

“Yeah, it’s crazy that the legislation is even thinking about passing that bill! What do those people need protection for?”

“I know! Our children don’t need to-“

That’s enough. Jinsol knows she’ll be sick to her stomach if she listens to any more. Conservatives like them are a minority in their county, but that doesn’t mean they’re nonexistent. It’s worse when you have to live with them. Well, that’s not too much of a problem if you have parents who are never home. Haha, Jinsol thinks bitterly.

Knowing that both Jungeun and Sooyoung are also attending worship at the much more progressive church makes her feel estranged. Yes, her parents aren’t around often. But these nosy old people would definitely say something if she were to stop coming here. She sighs quietly as she slips through the large oak doors.

Her phone buzzes.

From: Jungie <3: doin errands w mom- come over in two hours?

Jinsol sighs. She supposes she can spend two more hours without her girlfriend. Two more hours without that perfect smile and those soft hands. And even softer li-

Just as she starts to think about her favorite person, her least favorite lightly collides with her back.

“Could you walk any slower, Jung Jinsol?” Kahei lets out an exasperated huff as she fixes her hair which was very much untouched.

“Could you be any more of a-” No, not while you’re leaving church Jinsol. “Whatever Kahei,” Jinsol shoots the girl an annoyed glance as they’re suddenly walking in tow with each other. “Don’t you have someone else to bother?”

“I’m bothering you? I haven’t even done anything, you’re the one brooding about and walking slow as molasses like a forlorn wife in a war film!” Kahei fires back, pushing her glasses up onto her face like an anime character. Very cool.

Jinsol almost busts out laughing. “You’re such a nerd, who even thinks of coming up with something like that?” She taunts, repressing the urge to tease Kahei more as the older girl scowls up at her. Yes, Jinsol is taller. Yes, she always made that a point when they were kids. No, she’ll never let Kahei forget it.

“I’m not the one who wanted to be the periodic table for Halloween when she was 10!”

“Well I’m not the one who spends hours on blogs dedicated to niche period films and debates like her life depends on it!”

“Oh yeah, well at least I didn’t have a breakdown about getting a 99 on a calculus test!”

“It was a very important test!”

“Sure it was, mathlete.”

“Like that’s an insult!”

Jinsol and Kahei end their squabbling shortly after, their walk halted as they’re about to part ways.

“The sermon was good today, but I could do without all those old fogies moaning about laws as if they’re not going to pass away any day now.” For once, Kahei has said something that Jinsol can agree with.

“You’re telling me,” Jinsol nods. “They’ve lived this long and still don’t know how to stay out of other people’s business. A real shame.”

The two of them share a laugh, whether they want to or not. Maybe they’d make good friends if their combined ego didn’t eclipse the sun.

Jinsol’s phone buzzes once more.

Seullie: Yo come chill

That’s not who she expected. Well, Jungeun is still busy so going to hang out with Haseul isn’t a terrible idea. She begins to march off without a word.

“Where are you going? We live this way,” Kahei jabs a thumb into the direction of their lavish cookie-cutter mansi- houses. “You never seem to hang out with many people, hermit. Maybe-”

“I’m going to Seul’s,” Jinsol swiftly cuts off any wisecrack Kahei would’ve come up with next. She catches the brief flit of something murky in Kakei’s eyes. Interesting. “I’ll tell her you say hello. Or something.” Jinsol waves Kahei off.

“Thanks. Bye, loser.” She turns her nose up as she makes her way home.

“Bye, dork!” Jinsol nearly yells as she sets off for Haseul’s, chuckling as she hears a frustrated noise from her pink-haired arch nemesis.
-
Well, this isn’t exactly what she planned but-

“You sure you don’t want a hit?” Haseul chuckles at Jinsol’s furious head-shaking, her blunt then finding its way to her lips once again.

The two of them are sitting out on Haseul’s back deck, enjoying the ambiance of the wind blowing and birds chirping like a pair of old men. Well more Haseul than Jinsol as she’s currently ascending to the high heavens. Literally. Jinsol’s hands itch against the hem of her skirt, anxiously picking at the fabric.

She never thought she’d be back to this level of quiet comfortability with Haseul again. It’s nice. But her thoughts are not.

How can she be this carefree? Jinsol frowns amidst the cloud of smoke that dissipates past her. Of course when she was little her parents gave her the D.A.R.E speech, condemning any intoxicating substances as sins. That never stopped her mom from overindulging in communion wine, but Jinsol will look past that. Now, Jinsol has been exposed to more sides of the story. She’s been introduced to moderation. She hates that she feels doomed to this goody-two-shoes role, one that won’t ever let her have fun outside of her parents' boundaries. She hates that-

“Hey,” Haseul shoves a finger in between Jinsol’s eyebrows. “You’re thinking too much.”

Jinsol’s face scrunches up. “Am not!” She totally is.

Haseul’s giggle is light and musical as she proceeds to lean on Jinsol’s shoulder, to which the latter grumbles.

“At least give a girl warning!” Jinsol huffs. The stench of weed permeates her senses. Ugh. That doesn’t negate how endearing it is having Haseul be this comfortable with her again though. She can’t hide the soft smile that creeps onto her face.

The two of them share some blissful moments of solitude before they’re interrupted by an unfamiliar voice.

“Hey! Is anybody home?”

The voice drifts through the trees. Someone must be at Haseul’s front door.

“That's definitely not my parents…” Haseul murmurs more to herself than Jinsol as she rises, slipping through the glass sliding doors into the house.

Jinsol decides to spend a few more moments in nature, letting the world happen around her. It’s nice, she thinks. To quiet down her rampaging thoughts for once and let the outside world do the talking. While laying under the cool shade, Jinsol lets herself daydream. Dreams of Jungeun laying beside her. Dreams of Jungeun’s brilliant smile. Dreams of Jungeun’s palm searching for hers as Jinsol takes it in her hand, fingers intertwined.

Dreams of loving her girlfriend freely.

Before her thoughts take a turn for the worse, boisterous laughter cuts through the air.

Alright, what in the world? Jinsol’s nosiness gets the better of her as she gets up to see what’s holding Haseul up. She’s met with Haseul sharing a laugh with a stranger at her doorstep. A pretty one at that- with striking blue hair as loud as her laugh. A pink floral top and the lightest washed jeans Jinsol has ever seen in her life adorn this girl’s form. She’s very picturesque, someone Jinsol thinks she’d see in a film. Oh, to be that pretty. No, no. Jinsol chides herself. Jungeun wouldn’t like you thinking that.

Unfortunately, Jinsol doesn’t see the problem in that way of thinking.

“Oh sorry Sol!” Haseul pulls Jinsol into the conversation, waving a newly acquired package in her hand. “Jane here delivered some of my mail that was delivered to her! She and I have the same name! Kinda! Isn’t that crazy?” Oh, Haseul.

“Why do you even use your little internet name to order packages?” Jinsol’s eyebrows raise. She prods at Haseul’s shoulder. “Who are you courting out there, Jane Jo?”

“Nobody!” Haseul’s sudden outburst suggests both that she’s hiding something and much too inebriated to withstand teasing. “Get off my back!” She whines, making the other two laugh.

“Someone’s high as hell. I don’t judge though, that’s me on a regular basis.” Jane’s observation makes Haseul blush and burst out in a fit of unhinged cackling as nearly falls onto her nearby recliner.

The blue-haired stranger’s gaze soon turns to Jinsol. The blonde steels her expression out of habit. She never enjoys making the first move.

“As you heard, I’m Jane.” It seems she’s pretty friendly right off the bat, smiling sweetly. “And you are?”

“Jinsol,” The blonde grins right back at her. She’s used to polishing fake smiles but this is at least a little genuine. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” Jane’s eyes flit to the hefty cross dangling on Jinsol’s chest. Considering that and the crosses on Haseul’s walls, she won’t bring that subject up. For now at least. Her mind conjures up the angry visage of Jungeun, scolding her for using God’s name in vain when she met her yesterday. Maybe these are friends of hers. This isn’t the time to pry.

“What brings you to town? Don’t see too many new faces often.” Jinsol inquires, leaning against the wall as her gaze towards Jane is just shy of piercing.

“Grew up around here- don’t think we would’ve gone to the same schools,” Jane’s lips twitch in an attempt to hide her smirk from a visibly surprised Jinsol as she continues. “Just wanted to visit some friends and family, that’s all.”

A small ‘ah’ leaves Jinsol’s lips. Part of her is irritated at how Jane just sounds so cool, unbothered. “How long are you staying?” Jinsol winces inwardly, hoping that it didn't come off any certain way. If Jane is offended, she doesn’t show it.

“Just for a bit before I head back to school. Enough time to hang out with everyone I need to, y’know?” Jane replies, a lazy smile spreading across her face. Hell, she might be almost as stoned as Haseul. Jinsol nods.

Jane takes a brief moment to take in the girl before her. Bone straight blonde hair falls neatly down her back. It’s insane that Jane can’t tell if it’s dyed or not. There’s the catholic girl uniform skirt in all its blue pleated glory. Looks like she was right on the money about these two. Well, it’s a no-brainer that someone with a 10-pound cross on their chest would attend such an institution. It’s what’s under the cross that’s more eye-catching.

Jinsol has a hoodie on. A red one, white letters more than a little faded. “Nighthawks Swim Club” it reads. Jinsol wasn’t in her middle school’s swim club. But she can think of one person who was. Maybe it’s time to pry after all.

“You know Kim Jungeun?” Jane asks as she leans against the doorframe, the warm May air wafting in as the room drops in temperature.

Jinsol freezes. What am I supposed to say? It would be an insult to our relationship if I said we’re just friends. This girl doesn’t know my parents. She can’t. But what if she does? What if she-

“Yeah,” Haseul pipes up from her corner and Jinsol couldn't be more thankful. “Good friend of ours.”

That wasn’t the answer anyone was looking for, apparently.

“Oh good for her,” Jane starts, something nasty lurking under her nonchalant tone. Her saccharine smile is ever present. “Glad she’s made more friends after…switching schools.”

The room lays quiet for just a moment. Jane would be lying if she said she wasn’t the least bit uncomfortable with the intensity of which Jinsol is looking at her right now. No, that can’t be. Of course n- Jane stops herself from drawing that conclusion. Jungeun and some good little church girl? That wouldn’t make much sense.

Jinsol inhales sharply through her nose. “Yeah, we’re very close.” If her first smile wasn’t fake, this definitely is.

Seeing as Haseul is faded beyond belief and something seems off about Jinsol, Jane decides to make her exit. She waves to a half-asleep Haseul. “Thank you for the package, Haseul.” Her eyes flit to Jinsol who hasn’t looked away from her. “Later, Jinsol. I’ll see you girls around.” With that, the blue-haired enigma closes the door behind her.

“She’s nice! And preeeeetty.” Haseul, who somehow teleported to her couch, croons.

Jinsol snorts. “You being inebriated around pretty girls is a recipe for trouble.” The blonde almost feels bad seeing the pout that now adorns Haseul’s lips. Almost.

‘ “Hey!” Haseul starts, having nothing to follow it up with.

“Yeah, hi.” Jinsol teases, her giggling soon turning into a scream as a pillow is hurled in her direction. She narrowly avoids the attack and scowls at the brunette. “Surprise attacks aren’t fair, Seul!” Jinsol berates her friend as she scoops up the pillow for an assault of her own.

“All’s fair in love and w-” Haseul’s quote is swiftly cut off by a pillow to the jaw.

Jinsol 1- Haseul 0.

“Hey what the fuck!”

“You’re so whiny when you’re high, you know that?”

A moment passes. Then another. Then another.

“...Seul?” Worry seeps into Jinsol’s tone. It quickly fades away upon seeing Haseul passed out on her couch. “Guess I’ll see myself out then.” Jinsol gathers her things and heads out the door, but not before setting a blanket on her cartoon character of a friend.

-

Jane.

Jane what? Jane who? For such a small town, you’re bound to know everybody that passes in and out of it. Granted- she didn’t know Jungeun until she transferred to her school. But that’s besides the point. Someone like Jane wouldn’t just fly under Jinsol’s radar. She’s participated in enough fundraisers and events around town that she’d be bound to run into her at some point. But no. It’s only at Haseul’s house due to a mail mishap that leads Jinsol into meeting Jane.
And what a meeting that was. Besides Haseul being both funny and embarrassing while high, it wasn’t too eventful. But Jane made quite the impression without saying too much herself.

Great posture, high cheekbones, sparkling eyes, and the most vibrant blue Jinsol has ever seen someone’s hair dyed. Not to mention her instagram model fashion sense. Jane was captivating to put it simply. Now that Jinsol knows she’s definitely into girls, there’s no denying a slight attraction to the new face in town. But there’s uglier emotions she can’t deny when it comes to pretty, perfect Jane either.

Envy. Jane seems like such a free spirit, unafraid to dive headfirst into whatever she has to in order to get what she wants. She’s got the looks and charisma to boot. Jinsol knows deep down it’s true about herself, but shitty parents and crippling anxiety has done a number on her mental health.

She doesn’t want to think about the elephant in the room, but how can’t she?

Jungeun. Jane knows Jungeun. Knows her well enough to know who’s sweatshirt it is she’s wearing. Jane is in town seeing family and friends. Is Jungeun one of those friends?

…Why didn’t Jungeun tell her about this?

Jungeun tells her about everything. From the time one of her swim club members pushed her in the pool fully clothed, to the time that her betta fish passed and cried for six hours straight. Big or small, Jungeun is happy to gush about everything in her life and Jinsol is more than happy to listen. An old friend returning to town would be pretty big, Jinsol reckons.

Maybe they were just acquaintances in the same swim club. Or maybe she’s not a friend anymore? That’s possible. That would make sense. Jinsol lets go of the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. It’s okay. Jungeun would tell her if it’s important to her. She trusts Jungeun.
She’s Jungeun’s girlfriend. Not Jane.

Inhale, exhale.

-

Jungeun pants as she drops the final two bags of groceries on her kitchen counter.

“You were an athlete! Don’t tell me these groceries have you tired!” Her mom chides, all too pleased with herself as she sets her bags down as well.

“It would be better if someone carried more than two of the eight bags we got!” Jungeun complains, draping herself over the chair as she sits down. Her mom side-eyes her and she huffs.

“My strong, lovely, kind daughter knows her mother’s bones are becoming old and brittle!” Jungeun’s mom fires back, unable to contain her smile as the two share a laugh. “Now, I gotta run to meet some friends,” She walks over to plant a kiss on Jungeun’s head. “Stay out of trouble, kid.”

“No promises!” Jungeun hollers as her mom leaves the house.

Just before she could somehow fall asleep in these half-comfortable kitchen chairs, she gets a text. Jungeun can’t help the soft smile that appears at the mere thought of Jinsol.

From: Sollie <333: coming now. Oh and Seullie and I met this girl who knows you. Jane. Friend of yours? Don’t have to answer now- see you in a second babe :]]]

Jungeun wants to bash her head into the table.

No promises indeed.

Chapter Text

Hey y’all! Long time no see. Been in a wild depressive state that I’m slowly crawling out of. I was pretty disinterested in writing this story during the boycott, but knowing all my girls are out of bbc and thriving is making me reconsider.

Would anyone be interested in me continuing this fic? Let me know, and I hope everyone is doing well :]

(Also, I’m going to start writing for aespa and Le sserafim- they’ve become two more groups I love with all my heart)