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Chapter Text

Was it fate, or foolishness that brought Ada Fawley out from the safety of Hogwarts school and into the dark forest at midnight? She liked to believe it was fate, maybe fortune, and definitely not foolishness... over to prevent her turning back to the castle.

She stalked through the grounds cautiously, admiring everything around her as if she was just now seeing it through a new lens. Everything looked so different in the stillness of night, she thought, somehow more beautiful. Owls hooted overhead, playing in the moonlight above, and the trees rustled as they swayed ever so slightly.

A large, fluffy, black cat was following the girl slowly behind and staring at every moving thing with scrutiny, almost as if the cat were somehow more cautious about the plan than the girl was.

After a while, Ada stopped at the tree line and inspected her surroundings, running her fingers over the moss that clung to a fallen tree. She conjured a large cauldron with her wand and levitated it in front of her, beginning to rummage through her bag and throwing ingredients into the pot.

She was perched on the fallen tree, sitting crossed legged and tipping a vial of golden liquid into a cauldron. Smiling as it sizzled, seemingly satisfied, she sat back a little and pulled her robes closely around herself, bracing from the slight autumn chill of the Scottish Highlands. Unconsciously, she traced the blue seam of her robes that were embroidered with little flowers and smiled to herself, starting to braid a small part of her long hair absentmindedly.

The cauldron hung in mid-air and began softly dancing from side to side, which seemed to indicate to her that the next step was ready. She leant over the cauldron, eyes wide and beaming, and began to stir clockwise as she hummed a tune softly. The potion within fizzed and popped, sparks crackling gold inside it. The cat jumped onto an over hanging branch next to the cauldron and looked curiously inside it.

Ada turned, gazing behind herself and into the darkness of the forest as something rustled suddenly, creaking and groaning in the distance. A cold chill ran up her spine, but she shrugged it off, turning to face the cauldron and cat once again, humming while she did so.

Smiling at the cats natural curiosity, she said, “I definitely think its going to work this time, Callisto, I’m sure of it.”

The cat glared at her, tilting its head to the side, eyeing her suspiciously, almost as if he had heard her say that exact phrase many times before. Nevertheless, he was happily purring at having his ears stroked by the girl.

Fumes spiralled from the cauldron in graceful circles and made Ada’s long hair frizz slightly, leaving her with a rather chaotic appearance. She didn’t seem to notice, or care, but was entirely consumed in what she was doing. Scribbling notes in her diary as she added certain things to the dancing cauldron.

 It was always that way, though. She often lost herself to her passions, whether it was potion making, creating things, perfecting certain spells —nothing else seemed to matter when she dived headfirst into them. Time simply ceased to exist for her. She would forget herself —to eat, sleep, you name it.

She had an air of expectancy as she tended to the cauldron, knowing that everything was going to plan. It was clear she had done this procedure many times before and knew the method by heart.

"This potion will change people's lives for the better, Cal, you wait and see.” She beamed at the cat, reading her noted inside the notebook she was holding.

When administered twice a day for half a moon (and repeated each cycle for more complex conditions) it shall cure any ailment or affliction known to wizard kind. Dragonpox, Scrofungulus, Goblinfever, Blood-malediction, even Lycanthropy. This potion brings with it, endless healing possibilities, possibilities not yet known to wizardkind.

“Astrid ‘Ada’ Fawley, the first potioneer to conquer all affliction!” She beamed to herself, jumping up and dancing around the cauldron rather whimsically, bathed in moonlight and carried completely away with her own brilliance. “It’ll be headline news, Cal!”

After about five minutes of singing and dancing around the slowly self stirring cauldron, she lay herself down on the grass and stared at the stars, smiling blissfully. Ada thought of how beautiful the moon was, even when she was full. After a short while, she started whispering to herself what seemed to be a list of ingredients,

“Vial of blessed water, salamander tails, one root of valerian pickled with toadstools. Aconite and jar of smite. Marigold essence, dragon liver, billywig sting. Hair of horse and of werewolf’s tail. Bud of Lavender. Lillypad and lions tongue. Fairytails and wheat. Yes, yes… Oh, fuck. Fluxweed. How could I forget!”

Ada jumped to her feet and began walking through the forest in search of a Fluxweed patch. An owl was perched neatly on a low hanging branch, surveying the girl and giving a loud hooooo-oooooo-hoooo-ooo. She nearly jumped out of her skin with fright.

“Merlin’s beard! You scared me.” She said, before hooting back to the owl in a strangely accurate way. The owls head turned curiously in its unearthly manner, while staring at her with big amber eyes as she continued to walk deeper into the forest.

Not long after, she found what she was looking for. Fluxweed — a patch of tall purple flowers with green leaves, blended into foliage. She kneeled beside a thicket that was surrounded by mushrooms and creeping ivy and began to rummage through the thicket, trying to cut the Fluxweed at the root. Each time she got close, however, the plant hissed and wriggled further backwards into the bush. Ada felt very flushed, hot, irritated as this continued for five minutes.

"Oh, really. C'mon, now!" she grunted and gripped the Fluxweed, pulling it from the root. After several moments of pulling, it snapped and she flew backwards into a pile of mud – plant firmly grasped in hand and root dangling from the end.

“Well, you certainly like to play hard to get. Merlin.” She held the fluxweed up to the moonlight, heaving a sigh and rolling her eyes. Before she could pocket the plant, however, there was another rustling noise coming from behind her and the creeping feeling she was being watched settled itself in her throat, choking her.

Very slowly, she turned, trying not to make a sound. Ada couldn’t rid the anxiety that settled in her stomach, but relief flooded over her. Nothing. There was nothing there. She glanced all around, twice, just to be sure, before retreating back to her cauldron, deciding it was probably safer on the tree-line.

After a few minutes of walking she still didn’t see the entrance, not realising quite how far into the forest she’d walked. She couldn’t hear anything, other than the trudging of her footsteps as she clambered through the forest, still not recognising anything she saw. It was eerie, how silent it was.

Until it wasn’t.

The familiar pricking sensation spread across her body and fear settled inside her chest, pulling her down and making it difficult to breathe. A deep growling noise was coming from the patch of darkness to her right.

She froze, even time itself seemed to halt in the presence of fear — mouth ran dry, breath caught in her chest, eyes widened in sheer and absolute horror as she turned to see something from nightmares.

Emerging from the darkness was a creature three times the size of her. A wolf. Only it was far too big to be a wolf, and moved with a certain grace that seemed unusual for an animal. It sneered at her as it growled, blood dripping from its mouth. It’s dark fur was matted, dirty, stained with blood. She noticed the creature had huge scars across its body, gaps in fur where deeper wounds lay. It’s large, icy eyes were fixed upon the shaking and terrified girl as it began to circle her like it would its prey. It dawned on her exactly how much danger she was in, and fear held her captive to the spot.

The rumbling growl turned into an ear splitting, thunderous howl and she ran. Ran as fast as she could. The moon shone through the gaps in the trees, lighting a path for her, and she followed it.

She ran. As fast as she could. So fast that all she could hear was her own thundering heart, gasping breath and ringing in her ears. Ada darted and weaved through the trees knowing her life depended on it. Spots popped in her vision, but she continued her hungry hurtle through the woods, until she could no longer feel her legs and the pains stabbing her abdomen screaming furiously at her.

The wolf followed eagerly, as if it was all a game to them. The beast chased her through the forest, winding through a maze of trees. Thick brambles started to pull and tear her robes, pulling her back and slowing her pace. Tears streamed down her face and she could taste the salty fear on her lips.  

In desperation she flicked her wand and fire erupted from it, whipping a snake-like flame blocking the wolf's path to her as she kept running. It distracted the wolf, who retreated slightly. She knew of no spell that would be powerful enough to kill such a beast, her best hopes were to distract it, interrupt its path to her. Hope it would give up the chase.

She looked back, unable to see any sign of the wolf. Ada dived under an overhanging rock, trying to hide herself quietly, but her breathing was ragged from running so far and bound to give her away. Covering her mouth with her hand, she became as still and silent as she could possibly be, and listened for any noise.

Crows were cawing. Lots, and lots of crows. Birds, squirrels, owls, all kinds of noise coming from not far away.

Then silence. All noise ceased. Nothing, not a sound... not the birds in the trees or the howling wind. She looked up through the gaps in the trees and spotted the moon shining down at her. Ada wiped her tears and started to plea silently with the moon, begging and praying for help.

Ada stayed hidden for a while, holding her filthy, torn and bloody robes close to herself for comfort, but once the coast was clear she began to emerge, creeping through the forest, trying to figure out how to get out of here after losing any sense of direction in the chase. The forest had become a darkened, winding maze to her now.

Ada felt something trickle down her leg and reached for it unconsciously. It was blood. She stared at her hand, now covered in it, and a distant memory from Defence against the Dark Arts class echoed in her mind.

‘Like many other creatures, magical or otherwise, the scent of blood can be traced from miles away. This is especially true for the werewolf, who’s only desire lies within us. This ability is what puts it amongst the most powerful, most terrifying predators in our world.’

She saw the trees thinning out a little, and things seemed lighter now.

“Fuck.” She said in a panic, swiftly grabbing her wand and crouching to heal her tiny cuts from the brambles. It’ll be fine, she thought. There isn’t much blood, the cuts are tiny.

As she healed the last wound, the familiar creeping sensation crawled across her skin as she heard twigs snapping behind her. Her eyes widened as she turned. A lone howl mixed with her own blood-curdling scream was the last thing she heard.

…maybe it was foolishness, after all.

Chapter Text

Sound came first. Muffled echoes of footsteps gradually creeping closer, louder and louder with each pressing step, followed by soft whispers that were still indistinct to a dazed mind. The first thing she could remember feeling was relief that she was no longer alone, that someone, somewhere, somehow — had found her. Once sound came back to her, her other senses came flooding back.

The scent of vanilla and lavender. Chocolate. Blood. Antiseptic. The feel of soft cotton sheets underneath her. Something on her face, covering her left eye. The conversation in the distance became louder and louder. Pain pounding inside her head, almost as if every sense was amplified a hundred fold.

Ada wasn’t sure who was talking or what they were talking about. She didn’t care, not really. Maybe she would open her eyes and wake up in the Ravenclaw dormitory, and this would be all a bad dream. Maybe. Maybe not. Dare she open her eyes?

No. Not yet.

She would avoid fate for a little while longer and kept her eyes firmly and resolutely shut. Ignorance really can be bliss, and there really was comfort in the unknown. As thoughts slowly began to form, noises gradually became louder and her head pounded with every sound.

Tick tick tick, a clock in the distance chimed thrice. Is that what time it was? Three? It’s so late. Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo. Its still dark. Burning. Maybe she was going cuckoo. Footsteps. She was burning up. Tick tick. Muffled talking. Oh Remus, I can remember when it was you. I feel as helpless as I did then. Was that McGonagall? Or Madam Pomfrey? Who’s Remus? Tick tick tick. So hot. Too dark. Remember when it was you. Remember, remember…. run.

The wolfs face appeared in her minds eye and she gasped, eyes wide and heart pounding in her chest. She took several deep breaths before rolling over, hissing in pain and lay on her side with one arm over her head, trying to block out the world and her whirring mind entirely. She tried to sleep, honestly —she did. But it was no use. Everything seemed to distract her.

The smell of fresh sheets, blood, antiseptic. Pounding inside her head beating alongside the rhythm of her heart, blood rushing to her ears so she could hear the pounding too. Tick tick tick. The burning of her eye underneath its bandage, the weight of it pressing against her skin. The itchiness of it. She couldn’t stand it.

She sat bolt upright, ripping her bandage off and throwing it on the floor furiously and opening her eyes. Everything was a blurry mess. Instinctively, she rubbed her eyes and winced, forgetting it was clearly wounded. She looked around through blurred eyes for a mirror, something to see herself with.

There was nothing. Anger pooled in her stomach at the minor disappointment. Her skin was so itchy, her arms and face mainly. She began to scratch herself, then ran her hands through her hair in frustration, sitting on the bed once more, hiding her face. Why was everything just too much. Too irritating, too loud, too bright. Ever since… ever since the wolf.

That must be it, the wolf. Maybe it did get her after all. But if it did, she wouldn’t be here now, would she? Ada tried so hard to remember, but couldn’t piece together the events. She was running… running fast, through the brambles, around the trees. The image of the werewolf snapping its jaws at her resurfaced within her mind and her breath caught in her throat, terrifying her.

It was at that moment, somebody’s hand pressed against her shoulder comfortingly. A gentle gesture, a soft touch, and yet it sent pain running through her like a thousand knives were piercing into her skin and her muscles contracted in protest. The hand was removed instantly, but a burning sensation remained which crept down her arm and burned with such viciousness that it felt like her bones had become the flame.

She hissed in pain and backed away, still unable to see properly which made everything even more confusing.

“Who… who, what do you want?” She said, trying to focus on the blurred figure on the other side of the bed, angry at herself for not being able to make out who it was.

“Ada?” a caring and familiar voice whispered beside her, “It’s me, Madam Pomfrey. It’s okay, you’re safe.”

Ada relaxed instantly, now recognising the kind woman’s voice. She was no stranger to the hospital wing at Hogwarts, especially when she’d been experimenting with potions and they went disastrously wrong. One time, a potion went so badly wrong that it left the whole of Ravenclaw tower drenched in a cherry scented, thick, dewy fog which did not lift for days, despite all of the Hogwarts professors’ attempts at ridding it. Ada and another Ravenclaw girl were the only ones in the dorm at the time of the explosion, and both students had to spend three days in the hospital wing.

Ada very nearly got herself expelled from school that time. She had never seen Professor Flitwick so furious. She had been told many times not to brew potions in the dorms, but curiosity got the better of her. Though her potion went badly wrong, she did succeed in one thing – achieving the most points deducted from Ravenclaw house in a century. That disaster cost her one hundred and fifty house points, a year of Hogsmeade visits, and six months worth of detentions. It was a very long year.

During her many detentions, she was often sent to support Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing, but she didn’t mind —actually, it was rather fun. Ada decided that if she did not make it in the world of potioneering then she would settle as a healer. She seemed to have a knack for it, but she supposed that when so many of one’s potions have gone so badly wrong, it would be common sense to heal your injuries yourself.

“Ada, are you okay?” She asked.

Ada’s voice seemed to catch in her throat. She intended to say, “Madam Pomfrey?” but instead, a rather stiff croak came out. Tears welled in her eyes. She flustered, but the healing witch interrupted further attempts of talk.

“Shh, it’s okay. Here, take this. It’s a healing potion and it will heal your wounds.” She handed Ada a small teacup with a green and unpleasant looking substance inside.

Ada didn’t take it.

“It’ll help, but drink it fast, it doesn’t have the sweetest taste.”

“I can’t see, Miss. Everything’s blurry.”

“Hold out your hands, dear.”

She did, and Mrs Pomfrey put the teacup into her hands.

“Drink, it’ll help.”

Ada took a sip, grimacing at the taste. It sent shivers down her spine and struggled to go down, almost throwing it back up. She’d never tasted something so vile, even the cook’s notorious end-of-week soup at home was not this bad, and that was saying something.

“Drink, child, the taste won’t last forever.” Madam Pomfrey stifled a small laugh at the girl’s obvious disgust.

Once she had emptied the cup of its contents, Mrs Pomfrey took it and handed her a glass of lemon water, which Ada took more than willingly. As she drank, she realised how parched she was and finished the glass in seconds.

“Pace yourself, you’ll be sick. How do you feel now?”

Ada rubbed her eye, not the one that was painful, and opened her eyes once more. She could see again. Well, mostly. It was a little blurry, her left eye completely blurred now, but she could see better from her right eye.

“Better, I can see now, its just this eye that I…” she trailed off.

“Yes, dear.” She sighed, looking at her with sadness in her eyes, “I’m afraid I have no idea if you’ll ever be able to see through that one again, only time will tell. Best to let it heal though.”

“Can I… can I see? Is it bad?”

“I think its probably best we wrap you up, focus on getting you healed and rested first,” she said soothingly, “you’ve had quite the ordeal, Miss Fawley.”

Ada nodded solemnly, almost ashamed of herself. This was all her fault, she thought bitterly.

“Everything will be okay, Ada.” Madam Pomfrey conjured another bandage and eyed Ada, smiling softly and waiting for her to oblige.

“Okay…” Ada looked at her, tear rolling down her cheek. She let Mrs Pomfrey bandage her up once more, applying creams to her wounds before she did. The ointment was cooling, it helped the itching. Once she had finished bandaging her, she just stared at Ada.

“Thank you,” Ada tried to smile, she was genuinely thankful, but she was also sad, confused, in pain and restless.

“Lie down and rest, you’ve been through a lot. Sleep works miracles for the body, you know.” Mrs Pomfrey guided her to the bed and began tucking her in, stroking her head and smiling softly.

Ada had no memory of ever being tucked into bed like this, as if by a loving mother. It was nice, so why did it make her cry? Merlin, she was a mess.

“Hush now, all will be well.” Madam Pomfrey soothed, stroking her forehead with her thumb and smiling softly at her.

“I will leave a dreamless sleep potion here if you need it,” She placed a little potions bottle onto Ada’s bedside table, “Do try to sleep, dear. Someone will be along in the morning to have a talk with you about the happenings of Friday night. Rest well.”

And with her words hanging in the air, Madam Pomfrey left looking rather forlorn and shut the curtains behind her. The lights seemed to dim as Madam Pomfrey’s footsteps echoed down the corridor.

Ada stared at the place the healing witch vanished from, feeling grateful to have such a kind person helping her. But she couldn’t stop the sadness from creeping in as she lay in the cold hospital bed, staring out of the window at the moon, blanketed by darkness.

Ada lay there, fighting back tears. Every time she closed her eyes, it was there. The monster. The wolf. It’s large teeth, she could hear its deafening growl, the howl and —no. Stop it. She wouldn’t let herself think of what happened, wouldn’t allow it. But its face was imprinted into her mind, etched in every corner and she couldn’t escape. It’s eyes… teeth… growl.

Her breathe hitched and heart began to pound as she recalled the scent of blood and death coming from its mouth as it bit—

No. It didn’t bite her, she thought desperately. It didn’t. Didn’t didn’t didn’t. Couldn’t. Wouldn’t. Can’t be true. Can’t can’t can’t.

It was just a scratch, she thought. Just a scratch across her face, that’s all. She can deal with that. Just a scratch. She began to rock herself, choked by possibility, drowning under the weight of the unknown. Her walls came crashing down all around her and exhaustion hit her.

She reached for the potion and drank. It wasn’t long before she fell into blissful, dreamless oblivion.

Morning quickly arrived, and with it came an intense, burning headache. Ada scrunched up her face in frustration, groaning, and placed her hand to her forehead hoping it would bring relief. It didn’t. In fact, the pressure of it just made her feel worse.

Without opening her eyes, she reached for the glass of water from the bedside table. Only, she touched someone’s arm, not the glass intended. Ada froze, opening her eye to see someone staring right back at her. She couldn’t make out who it was yet, her eyes were always so slow to wake and blurry, but she could smell a mixture of tea, and chocolate. Definitely chocolate. She squinted, trying to get a closer look, rubbing her eye once more.

Then, a soothing and familiar voice spoke, “Good morning, Miss Fawley.”

Chapter Text

“Professor… Professor Lu-pin? Is—is that you?”

“Yes it is,” he chuckled, placing the glass of water into her hands, “here, take this.”

Professor Lupin was casually sitting in the patchwork wing-backed armchair next to her bed, book in hand, as if he had been there a while, waiting for her to wake. He smiled at her kindly, hazel eyes looking at Ada intently. This was probably the closest she’s ever been to him before, she usually preferred sitting at the back of classroom.

Her eyes focused onto him. She noticed the specks of grey in his light brown hair and observed him closely, realising she wasn’t the only one with scars across their face. He looked tired. Kind, as always, but tired.

“Sorry, uh—thank you.” She said shyly, almost embarrassed one of her professors saw her as she just woke up. She must look a mess.

“You‘re okay,” he smiled at her, almost as if he knew what she was thinking, “I’ve looked a lot worse than you, believe me.”

Ada eyed him curiously. Was he really reading her mind? Or is he just intuitive?

“Tea?” He asked.

She nodded slowly.

Professor Lupin smiled and conjured a small table. On it, was a fine china tea set decorated with red floral patterns. There was a tea-pot, two tea-cups, sugar pot, spoons, a little jug of milk and a plate stacked with warm, buttery toast. She eyed them immediately, almost drooling as she realised just how hungry she was.

Lupin seemed to notice this, chuckling to himself, he passed her the plate of toast.

“You must be starving, please, dig in.”

She slowly took the plate, almost nervously, but hunger took over and she began making her way through the several pieces of toast. It was good, possibly the best toast she’d ever had.

Lupin slowly poured the tea into the teacups as he watched her tear through the toast, knowing exactly how she must be feeling. He smiled.

“Sugar?”

She nodded, still eating.

He scooped two teaspoons of sugar into each cup and stirred it.

“Milk?” he asked.

After a swift nod, he continued to smile but glanced at the bandages on her head and arm. She recognised the pity behind his eyes, the sadness on his face. She frowned slightly, and looked away while he poured the milk into the cups, hunger disappearing as quickly as it had came.

Pity. She hated that. She couldn’t bare to look at him anymore and just sat there, fiddling her thumbs, glaring at anything but her Professor. Her legs, the bed, the curtains, pink peonies in the vase, potion bottles, crystal pitcher. Her hand rose to her face and wiped away the lone tear that rolled down her face.

“How are you feeling?” Professor Lupin asked gently, but she refused to meet his eyes.

After a prolonged silence, he carried on, “I find that most things in life are made easier with a nice cup of tea.”

His smile was warm, but she could still see the pity hiding on his face. She couldn’t stand it. She fixed her eyes resolutely on the end of her bed.

“I think that’s just because we’re British, Sir.” She replied.

He chuckled at this.

“You’re probably right, Astrid.”

She grimaced, she loathed her full name. It reminded her of home and her ‘family’. And home was never something she wanted to remember.  

“You don’t like your name?” He asked.

“I prefer Ada.”

“Ada it is.” He said softly, taking her in, noting she was still stubbornly refusing to look at him.

Lupin took a sip of his tea, contemplating things. He wished he didn’t have to have this conversation —a conversation that will change her life forever. Nothing will be the same after this, he knew that. He just wished he could take it all away for her, to make it better.

But years of wishing never worked for him.

“I’m sure you know, Ada, that we cannot simply stare at our wounds forever. We must face the truth of things in order to move forward.”

This caught her attention alright. She gazed into his hazel eyes, slightly confused. She held her breath, hanging on his every word. He smiled at her, sympathy etched on his face with a sincere gentility she hadn’t seen before.

“There’s something I need to tell you,” he let out a long sigh and ran his hand through his hair, “it isn’t something easy to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” She looked down, words catching in her throat. “I think I know what you’re about to say.”

“Ada—”

“I was bitten… wasn’t I?”

As she said it, she wished he would plant some seed of hope in her; tell her no, absolutely not! You’re being silly. She wished for anything but the truth. Just say no…

But he didn’t.

“I’m sorry, Ada.” He reached out his hand and held hers, stroking her with his thumb. “I’m so sorry.”

Her walls came crashing down all at once. She looked into his eyes, dumbfounded, unsure how to react. Ada was frozen, to the spot. She just couldn’t make sense of it. Tears rolled down her cheeks once again as she sat there, dumbfounded and expressionless.

“I want you to know that I understand the pain you’re feeling. But even in the darkest hours you will not be alone, I am here to help you.”

“Help me? I’m a monster.” She spat, angrily, unsure where her rage coming from, always so close to the surface.

“You’re not a monster, Ada.”

She scoffed.

“I’m not a monster, ha.” She scoffed, jumping from her bed and pacing. “Just look at me!”

“It’s not your fault.” Lupin said, getting to his feet now.

“It is all my fault, can’t you see that?” She cried, still pacing in her temper.

“It’s not your fault.” He said again, standing closer to her.

“It’s my fault.” Tears streamed down her face now, sadness choking her. All her hope was lost. 

“It’s not your fault, Ada.” He reached out to her and she collapsed into him, sobbing. He held her comfortingly as despair ran through her veins.

She didn’t know why she had gone to pieces like this, why she allowed herself to weep into her professors arms, didn’t know where it was all coming from —all this emotion, sadness, anger. But it took several long minutes for her to stop sobbing in his arms, head on his chest.

He smelled like chocolate.

“Ada, you’re not a monster. You’re just a girl.” He looked down at her, smiling sadly and encouraging her to sit back down. She did, and he sat with her.

“You’re not alone in this Ada. I know how hard it can be, I understand exactly how you’re feeling.”

“How? How on earth do you know how I’m feeling?” She riled up again, then shame filled her. Snapping at the one person showing her kindness is not something she’d intended to do.

“Sorry.” She said, ashamed of herself.

“I know how you feel, because I suffer from the same affliction.”

She looked at him, confused.

“What?”

“I’m a werewolf, Ada.”

“You… really?”

“Yes,” he nodded, looking away. “If there’s one person who knows exactly how you’re feeling, it’s me.”

She glared at him, open mouthed, with such obvious shock that Lupin couldn’t help but laugh.

“You?” she asked.

“Yes.” He smiled sadly. “Feel free to ask questions, I’d be happy to answer.”

“When— I mean, uh… when did it happen to you?”

Lupin sighed, he didn’t seem angry, or irritated, just sad.

“I was a child when I received the bite.”

She looked horrified, appalled that someone would do such a thing.

“How… how old were you, Professor?”

“Four.”

“FOUR?! You were… oh Professor, I’m so sorry.” She held his hand, and he smiled softly.

Four. He had been four years old, still practically a baby. Ada remembered her younger brother at that age, still toddling around, still finding his feet in this world. She couldn’t imagine such a thing happening to a child; an innocent. Her heart ached.

“It was a long time ago now. It was hard, but at least now I have the opportunity to help somebody else.” He sighed, looking at Ada intently. “I’ve had a long time to come to terms with it. I guess it’s just part of my life now, something to manage. I was given a chance to live an ordinary —well, almost ordinary, life here at Hogwarts. As a student, and as a professor. What I’m saying is, it isn’t the death sentence we all come to believe it is. There’s life waiting for you just beyond the condition.”

“Yeah… I guess so. How do you manage it, Professor?”

“Here at Hogwarts, we’re lucky enough to have the resources for Wolfsbane potion. Drink it every evening for a week prior to the full moon, and it will allow you to keep your mind when you transform.” He took out a potion, purple and swirling in its bottle, handing it to her.

“Wolfsbane.” She ran her thumb over the bottle, a moon engraved in the glass.

“It won’t prevent you from turning into the wolf and it won’t rid all blood lust from your system, but you keep your mind. As time goes by, you will learn to tame the beast. It’s hard at the beginning, all the frustration and heightened senses are hard to deal with especially as a wolf, and you’ll likely turn on yourself —attacking your body. It’s hard to resist, it feels like your skin is crawling… something itching to get out.”

She gazed at him, things falling into place. So that’s why she felt the way she did, she wasn’t crazy.

“Wolfsbane will become your best friend... but it’s expensive and very complicated to brew. It isn’t always available to us. Luckily, here at Hogwarts we have all we need, thanks to Professor Snape.” He smiled at her, and grazed her arm gently before standing once more and walking back to the comfy armchair.

“It really is a game changer. With Wolfsbane, I remain curled up in my office each full moon. Without it, well, life is much harder. It’s a very complex potion... though I hear you are quite the genius at potioneering yourself. Perhaps Professor Snape will be able to show you how to brew it.”

“I would like that.” Ada whispered.

“I’ll see what I can arrange.” He pulled a bar of chocolate from his jacket pocket and handed it to her. “Chocolate helps.”

She smiled, mind whizzing with all the new information.

“Where will I, uh, go?”

“When you transform?”

She nodded, watching him closely.

He smiled, and re-filled Ada’s tea cup.

“There is a room in Hogwarts known as the come-and-go room... the room of requirement... it appears perfectly for the seekers needs. You will enter the room and it will conceal you, safe from harm and detection. You will spend your nights there, curled up as a harmless wolf... that is if you take Wolfsbane as instructed, of course.”

Her brain seemed to sag with the weight of all this information. She simply could not comprehend it. Her mind started to whizz with endless probabilities; the painful transformations, being forever reliant upon a single potion and the fears of the consequences if it was forgotten. She didn’t like the idea of having to rely on anything.

What if she did forget to take the potion? She didn’t think she could live with herself if she hurt anyone, killed anyone... or worse – inflicted this disease upon somebody else, changing their fate with one bite...

“Sir?”

“Hm?”

“Who did this to me?”

“I don’t know, Ada. Auror’s are patrolling the grounds in search of any clues. Nothing so far. But what we must remember, is the person who did this, likely did not know what they were doing.”

Ada frowned. Was he really saying what she thought he was?

“Without Wolfsbane, they can’t control it. It's cost and complexities often mean that it isn’t an option for a lot of people. I’m sure they would feel awfully guilty if they knew what they had done. Over time, you will forgive – though I know it is impossible to even think of that right now. It’s okay to be angry.”

Ada was a mixture of feelings, all which overwhelmed her. Tears began to escape the corners of her eyes again. She felt like a hopeless wreck. Putting her hands over her face, she hid. She couldn’t take it, she wanted to find comfort in eternal sleep and forget the world entirely.

“I don’t want any of this. What will people say… what will they do?! I really don’t want this. It’s not fair.” She said, knowing she sounded a little childish saying this, but she couldn’t help it. It wasn’t fair. Her life had only just begun, really. And now it was being taken away.

“There are many misconceptions about lycanthropy, a lot of stigma you will face, but you mustn’t let it drag you down. You are a good person, Ada, and an incredible witch.” He smiled at her, holding her hand. “Once a month, you will turn into the wolf. Its a painful transition, and nothing I can do or say will make it any easier for you. But we can hope it is swift. But that’s all, other than that you’re just like any other girl your age.”

“I hadn’t even thought of that.” She sad, looking at him and wiping her face. “It… hurts? To turn into the wolf?”

He nodded slowly, eyes on her.

“How much?”

“A lot. It hurts a lot. I would say you get used to it, but if I am honest —it gets worse as you age. Old bones grow weary and tired.” He sighed.

“I don’t know how you do it, Professor.”

“We don’t get much choice, do we? We all just do our best with the hand life deals us. That’s all anyone does, really. Some people just have better luck.”

She snorted, “Yeah… luck. Seems we’re all out.”

“It’s unpleasant, you will likely go through all the stages of grief, more than once. It is hard to… adjust.” He said softly, “but you aren’t alone, Ada, okay? You have me, I will be here for you any time, any day. Now please —eat, you’ll feel better.”

Ada smiled at him, it was greatly comforting to have someone understand, to know —to really know what its like. She felt such a confusing concoction of emotions. Relief and comfort, fear, denial, sadness, anger, disgust… scared.

She took a bite from the bar of chocolate and warmth instantly spread across her body like an invisible hug, soothing any aches her body had. She felt lighter as if her burden had been halved simply by a taste of chocolate.

“Thank you, Professor Lupin.”

She smiled a little, and he did too.

Chapter Text

Ada spent the next several days in the hospital wing under the careful watch of Madam Pomfrey, who didn’t like to leave her alone for too long. She could be seen glancing at Ada every ten minutes or so over the top of her spectacles, and Ada definitely heard lingering footsteps from behind the curtain when she was supposed to be asleep.

She didn’t mind so much. It was nice, having someone care about her. A foreign feeling, but something she could get used to. In all honesty, she wasn’t at all used to so much care and attention —from so many people. Madam Pomfrey, the Professors, too. Lupin, Snape, Flitwick, even McGonagall. Professor Sprout too, had visited. Ada didn’t realise so many people cared about her.

Even Professor Dumbledore visited Ada, bringing her several chocolate frogs. He told her that the true events of that night had been kept to the knowledge of the Professors only, and advised her that it would be best to stay that way, explaining the stigma behind the affliction. When it came to the students, the story that she was attacked by a wild hippogriff after leaving the castle after hours spread around school like wildfire. No student was permitted to visit her, she didn’t mind that. She quite enjoyed the peace.

Ada would miss the peace and quiet once she leaves the hospital wing, she thought. Just one look at her and people would likely be gossiping. She dreaded that, and wanted to stay hidden here forever. It was several days before she had begged Madam Pomfrey to let her see the damage of what had happened.

“Please, Madam Pomfrey! Please. I just want to see what it looks like. Is it really that bad?”

“Stop fussing, child. I want it healed before you see it, that’s all.” She had said.

Finally relenting after two days of pestering, she sighed and handed Ada a little mirror. She reached for it, slowly, now doubting if she even wanted to see it at all. After several moments, she turned the mirror to face her and sucked in a sharp breath, hand flying to her mouth.

The bandage was off now and she could see the full extent of it. There were three large, red scars placed neatly across her face. The main one, the deepest one, made its way from her forehead, down and across her left eye, down her cheek and neck. There were two smaller scars on either side of that.

The worst of it, she thought, was that she no longer recognised her left eye. Once blue and sparkling, was now clouded over like the sky on a rainy day. Ada didn’t make a sound, didn’t cry, or move at all. She didn’t recognise herself. She really was a monster.

“Scars fade with time, dear.” Madam Pomfrey said, placing her hand on her shoulder. “It could have been a lot worse.”

“How could it have been worse?” She asked, indignantly. “I look like a monster.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re very lucky to be alive, Ada. If Professor Snape hadn’t healed the wound on your neck when he found you, you’d have… well. It’s not worth thinking about. You’re here, scarred and scared, but you’re here. That’s what matters.”

Madam Pomfrey left her to her thoughts. She was right, of course. She’s alive. Thanks to Professor Snape, who, at that very moment, walked across the hospital wing, stopping at her bed.

“You’re a vain one, aren’t you?” He said, eyeing the mirror which she instantly placed in the bedside drawer. “I’d have thought you would focus your energy on getting better.”

“It’s the first time seeing… yeah.” She gestured at her face.

Snape nodded, not meeting her eyes.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly.

“I’m okay, Sir. Better than I was, anyway.”

“Good.” He said, shortly.

“I heard… uh… that it was you— that saved me?”

He didn’t say anything, just looked at her unimpressed.

“I just wanted to say thank you, I appreciate what you did for me. Madam Pomfrey said you saved my life. Thank you.”

He nodded slightly. She fiddled with her fingers, head bowed. After a short while, he broke the silence.

“It was foolish of you to put yourself in that situation in the first place, Fawley. Careless. Not to mention selfish. I expect that kind of behaviour from the Gryffindor’s, but you? I thought better of you.” Snape ranted, clearly unable to contain his frustration as he glowered at the girl fiddling with the bedsheet and avoiding his gaze.

“Foolish.” He spat, angrily. “Do you have any idea… you could have died.”

She couldn’t face him, couldn’t look in his eyes or see the disappointment on his face. She continued to fiddle with her fingers, not looking anywhere but her own lap.

“Look at me when I am talking to you.” Snape raised his voice, glowering down at her.

With a steadying breath, her eyes met his. Though his eyes were dark and furious, hers were light and watery, full of the tears she was holding back.

“What are you?” He asked her, looking furious.

“Sir…” she looked away, sad and ashamed.

“I said, what are you?” He repeated himself, furious.

“Foolish.”

“Correct. Foolish girl, you disappoint me.”

The tears she had been so bravely holding started to pour from her eyes, and something caught in her throat. She began thinking of everything she could remember that evening. Willingly walking into the forbidden forest, alone, in the middle of the night. Yes, he was right. She was foolish. She felt sick, and ashamed.

“I’m sorry.” She croaked.

“I’ll be keeping a close eye on you, Fawley. If you put another toe out of line, you will have me to deal with, and you. don’t.. want… that.” He spoke in a low voice, only feet away from her, looking at her intently.

How could she have been so stupid. She guessed it must have been quite the scene to have came across, a student lying unconscious, bitten and bloody. Snape was right in his fury. She’d be furious too.

“I’m sorry, sir.” She looked away, wanting the ground to swallow her whole.

Professor Snape reached out a hand to stroke her face, wiping her tear from her scarred cheek. His anger seemed to ebb away slightly, replaced with a shadow of sorrow. He pulled a large potions bottle from his robes and handed it to her, retreating again.

“Take one tablespoon of this in the evenings, it will help you sleep.”

“Yes sir… calming potion?” She asked, noticing the colour of the potion in the bottle.

He nodded, conjuring a stack of books, parchment, quill and ink onto her bedside table.

“This is the work you have missed, the work for this week, and the work you asked for. Wolfsbane potion theory.”

“Thank you, Professor.”

“Carelessness will not be a sufficient excuse for falling behind, Miss Fawley. You will complete the work set and catch up with the rest, I expect your usual full marks at the end of month test. Am I understood?” He said sternly, looking at her intently.

“Yes… yes sir.”

“There will be consequences if you fall behind. Don’t disappoint me again, Miss Fawley.”

“Yes sir.”

Professor Snape nodded at her and turned to leave.

“Professor Snape?” She said quietly, “Do you think Madam Pomfrey will allow me to brew potions in here?”

Quite unnatural to him, a small smile crept onto his face before he turned to leave, ignoring her completely.

Professor Snape, despite his scolding, visited Ada in the hospital wing several more times. Whether it was checking up on her work, giving her more to do, or bringing more potions that he thought might help. He was his usual blunt self, never showing too much concern, but Ada overheard him speaking to Madam Pomfrey about her recovery every time he visited. Her senses were so amplified these days that she could hear things, smell things, sense things from quite a distance.

Professor Flitwick, the head of Ravenclaw house, visited Ada too, bringing her a variety of things from her dormitory. Spare sets of pyjamas, more parchment and ink, a small teddy bear, a few books —Little women, The Hobbit, old muggle stories she loved, and her most treasured possession; a patchwork blanket made by her late Grandmother.

Ada appreciated any visitor, it did get a little lonesome in the hospital wing. Though she did notice that a lot of the Professors seemed to dodge the topic of what happened in the forest, and some of them even struggled to maintain eye contact with her. This happened quite a lot, in fact, Professor Lupin was the only person unafraid to talk so openly about it. Everybody else simply avoided the topic as if it was something shameful... as if they could be inflicted with Lycanthropy by simply speaking the name of it.

It was absurd, but perhaps this was the way things were going to be now. She didn’t feel any different in herself, she didn’t feel like a monster, but society thought of her as one now. There’s no escaping that fact.

Ada’s most frequent visitor was Professor Lupin, of course. It seemed he wanted to keep a close eye on her, and she didn’t mind so much. It was a great comfort to have somebody who truly understands what she’s going through. His support meant everything to her.

Professor Lupin would visit briefly most mornings to drop off the days work he’d collected from the other professors, and each evening he would come and sit with her. He would just read her chapters from whatever book she wanted, whether it was Potion theory, Dark Arts study, or other books like Mythology or Magick.

His voice was so soothing that one evening, she had fallen asleep to him reading her a chapter of Little Women. When she woke several hours later she noticed there was a bar of chocolate sitting on her bedside table, next to a pair of green thickly knitted socks. She smiled softly, pulling the thick socks on and they instantly warmed her feet, as if by magic. Ada reached for the note that was left on top of them,

Knitting isn’t my forte, but they should keep you warm during your stay. I know better than most how cold the floor can be here —Professor Lupin’

Chapter Text

The days rolled by and before she knew it, she was discharged from Madam Pomfrey’s care and well enough to return back to classes as normal. It had been eight days in total. Eight. She couldn’t believe she was finally able to leave, but now the time came, she wasn’t so sure she wanted to.

“All packed, dear?” Madam Pomfrey asked, peering around the curtain. Her face fell as she noticed Ada was still dressed in her pyjamas. “What’s the matter?”

“Can I not just… stay here?”

“Don’t be silly, you’re all healed now. You get to sleep in your own bed again, see your friends, attend classes.”

Ada looked away, unable to hide the fear that had settled itself in her stomach. See your friends, but that was just it. She would have to see everyone again. All the students would stare at her, laugh at her, gossip about her. Maybe they’d even poke fun at her scars. She just couldn’t face it.

“Everything will be okay, Ada. If youre worried about what people will say, don’t be. The heads of houses have spoken with everybody in your classes, informing them of an accident, and not to bombard you with questions. Nobody will bother you.”

She doubted that. Nobody gave a toss what the professors said, gossip still happened. It isn’t like she was exactly popular in the first place. Now she stood no chance.

“Speaking of the Headmaster, he said he would like you to go to his office right away for a quick chat. You get yourself dressed and on your way, I’ll send your things back to the dorms. Okay?”

“Yes…” Ada nodded, “Thank you, Madam Pomfrey. Thank you so much.”

And before she could stop herself, she was hugging the medi-witch tightly, and she hugged her back, patting her head softly.

Ada dressed quickly before heading out into the corridors, only then did she realise how small her secluded little life had been in the hospital wing. Standing in the halls, she couldn’t help but stare at the magical and moving staircases above her. It never failed to amaze her, just how huge Hogwarts really was.

As she climbed the stairs, her feelings of hopelessness and anxiety only grew as the space between herself and the Headmasters office closed. She was unsure what exactly he wanted to talk about, perhaps she was on her way to get a telling-off, now she was better again. But when she arrived at the gargoyle, she could put it off no more.

“Fortuna Major.”

The gargoyle sprang to life, twisting around and revealing a set of stairs as it rose. Ada quickly jumped on and waited, taking several deep breaths before knocking on his door.

“Enter.” The kindly voice of Professor Dumbledore said, unlocking the door by magic.

Ada entered the room, amazed at how full it was. Everywhere you looked, there was something intriguing. Curiosities lined the shelves, portraits hung on the walls, books stacked neatly around the room, magical objects, artefacts, files, Knick knacks and candles. Ada wondered how on earth he came across so much stuff.

“Hello, Headmaster.” She smiled sheepishly at Professor Dumbledore, who’s eyes twinkled as he smiled at her.

“Ah, Miss Fawley, how are you feeling today?”

“Quite well, thank you. And yourself?” She replied, glancing at the fire crackling in the grate and candles on the mantle.

“Perfectly well, thank you for asking.” He chuckled, “Please, take a seat.”

Dumbledore pointed to a large, cushioned armchair opposite his desk, and she sat, looking at the Phoenix perched next to the Headmaster.

“I didn’t know you had a Phoenix, professor. How wonderful. Is he friendly?”

“Quite!” Dumbledore ushered the Phoenix onto his arm and leant forward, allowing Ada to stroke him. “He’s called Fawkes.”

“Nice to meet you, Fawkes.”

She stroked the Phoenix gently on its head, touching its soft red feathers. The bird chirped a little and Dumbledore chuckled, before guiding the bird back to its perch.

“How are you really feeling?” He asked, pouring the pair of them a cup of steaming hot tea.

“I’m…” she muttered, contemplating his question.

She wasn’t really sure how to answer. How do you tell somebody that they have a soul crushing sadness pulling them down, down, down, due to the realities of their existence… while still remaining civil? Society tells us to be strong, carry on, don’t let the muggles get you down. But Ada didn’t feel strong. She felt quite the opposite.

Her smile slowly faded.

“I don’t think I know how I feel, sir. Numb, I suppose.”

Dumbledore nodded at her silently, watching her closely over the brim of his teacup as he drank.

“I feel so many different things and yet, I feel empty. It’s confusing. It still doesn’t feel real, y’know?” She stared at him, before looking away and fiddling with the hem of her sleeve.

“You’ve been through quite a lot, its understandable you are struggling to adjust. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, Ada.” He interrupted her chain of self-deprecating thoughts and smiled a soft smile, eyes sparkling in the candlelight.

She nodded, not knowing what to say.

“Things have changed and change is confusing, but with the right support I’m sure you will flourish despite the struggles. I hear that Professor Lupin has been checking up on you?”

“Yeah,” her voice croaked. “He is very kind.”

“Oh good, I am glad.”

“Can I leave now, Professor? My head is starting to hurt.”

“I’m afraid I must keep you for a little while longer. There’s things to discuss.”

She waited, hand on head trying to soothe pounding inside her head.

“It’s about your parents.”

Ada froze. Her parents?

“What about them?” She spat back defensively.

“They are on their way to discuss the happenings the other night.”

“On their way! Here? No, Professor, I can’t.” She jumped from her seat so fast that little sparks flew into her vision.

Ada was from one of the sacred twenty-eight wizarding families, and hers was one of the strictest. They were insanely proud, expected their children to uphold the family traditions as if it was honour— as if they were royalty. Ada hated it, but she still clung to the desperate hope of being loved by them.

“Please, sit down.”

“You don’t understand what they’re like, Headmaster. I can’t face them like this.” She gestured to her scars which still stood out boldly against her pale skin. “I can’t… they can’t, they will—”

“We cannot run from fate, dear child, we must turn to face the tide as it changes.” He spoke softly, “They must know what really happened that night, I thought it was best done face to face. They are on their way.”

On… their way…

“Professor…” she said, sadly.

“Everything will be fine.”

Ada stared off into the distance vaguely. So this was it.

She walked across the headmasters office slowly, stopping at an ornate mirror that hung on the wall and eyed herself blankly staring back. She straightened herself up a little. The worst of it was on her neck and shoulder, which was easily hidden by her school robes. It was her face she couldn’t hide so easily. She draped her hair to one side, hiding a lot of the scarring.

It’ll do, she thought. It’ll have to do.

Dumbledore coughed and she turned back to him, sitting neatly in her chair once more. There was nothing left to say, nothing left to do but wait.

“Hot chocolate?” Dumbledore asked, to which she nodded without really paying attention.

Dumbledore conjured two mugs and a thin vial of potion. Two droplets fell into the mugs and instantly, two perfect looking hot chocolates appeared there, topped with cream and marshmallows.

“Thank you, Professor.” Ada smiled, taking a sip from the mug at once, which left behind a rather impressive hot chocolatey cream- moustache on her upper lip.

“You know, I had to wait until I was thirty before I developed a moustache that magnificent! And here you are, mastering the trick at sixteen.” Dumbledore chuckled and handed her a napkin that was embroidered with the initials G.G.

Ada couldn’t help but laugh, taking the napkin and wiping her face as someone knocked on the door sharply.

Knock, knock, knock.  

“Enter.” Dumbledore said once again and the door swung open. Ada didn’t turn to greet them, but remained rooted to her chair, back to them.

“Ah, welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Fawley. Please, do sit.” Dumbledore smiled, conjuring two leather armchairs around his desk.

Only, they did not sit. Instead, they stood glaring at him, evidently unhappy at being summoned here. Mrs Fawley was a tall, thin woman with blonde hair, just like Ada’s. She wasn’t an ugly woman, just an unhappy one. Her constant frown etched into her skin.

Mr Fawley, however, had short dark hair and a well groomed short beard. He was taller than his wife, and stood proudly, looking down his nose at everyone who did not fit his ideals.

“What is it now, Dumbledore?” Mrs Fawley asked, glancing between him and Ada.

Mrs Fawley did a double-take before walking towards her daughter, eyes wide in disgust. She grabbed Ada’s chin and tilted her head in the light to get a closer inspection, grimacing at the scars on her face. She traced them with her thumb before pulling away, hissing, and wiping her hands on her coat as though she just touched something dirty.

“Care to explain, Dumbledore?” She snapped, glaring at him. “Aren’t you supposed to keep our children safe?!”

“It wasn’t anyone’s fault but my own, mum.” Ada muttered, looking at the floor.

“I’ll get to you in a minute.” She scoffed, rounding back on Dumbledore, “How do we get rid of those filthy scars? I mean, she wasn’t exactly nice to look at before but now she’s just ghastly. No, it simply won’t do.”

Mr Fawley murmured in agreement of his wife while looking at Ada in disgust, as if she was something he had trodden on. She kept her head bowed and refused to look at anyone, shame burrowing itself inside her.

“Sit, and I will try to explain everything.” Dumbledore said, he didn’t look angry, but his tone was heavy.

While her parents reluctantly agreed, Ada took a moment to steady herself, wiping her sweating palms on her robes and wiping a tear from her face. She swallowed her anxieties before turning to face her parents, summoning the bravery that would make a Gryffindor proud.

Her parents sat in the armchairs opposite and both looked as if this is the last place they wanted to be.

“As you are aware, Miss Fawley had an accident last week and has been recovering in the hospital wing since then. Given the extent of her injuries and the severity of the incident, I did request you to come the evening it occurred, but—”

“We were on holiday and we weren’t cutting our trip short because of an unruly child,” her mother said harshly, “she could wait.”

“Indeed,” Dumbledore paused, glancing at Ada before continuing, “As a result of her incident, she has been inflicted with a disease that will change the trajectory of her life forever, I daresay.”

“What's wrong with her now? I imagine she’s fed you some cock-and-bull story just to get her out of her duties. She’s a little liar this one, Dumbledore.”

The portraits around the room were bustling with sounds of indignation as the people couldn’t believe that anyone would speak to their child in such a way.

“The disease is Lycanthropy. I know it will come as a shock, but she needs her family now more than ever.”

“Lycanthropy?”

“Yes, indeed. She was bitten by a werewolf.”

There was a steely silence, a cloud settling itself in the room. Ada looked at them, expecting to see disgust on their faces. But it wasn’t there. They were smirking, as though waiting for the punchline.

“You jest, Dumbledore. Lycanthropy, really.” She laughed with her husband.

“No joke, I’m afraid,” Dumbledore kept a gentle smile on his face, “This is very real. She was out of bed after hours and happened to find herself wandering through the forbidden forest. She is very, very, lucky to be alive. Wandering Centaurs chased the creature away and brought her to Professor Snape, who was patrolling the grounds that night. If he hadn’t have performed the very complex healing magic, well, it could have been a lot worse. Sadly, despite our best efforts, nothing can cure the disease.”

Silence, again. Though this time, Ada could sense her mothers fury tangled with her fathers disgust. The loathing and contempt on her mother’s face was paramount.

Mrs Fawley sprang to her feet at once. Before anyone realised what was going to happen, it already did. The sound of a sharp slap hitting skin echoed around the room as her mother back handed her across the face.

“How dare you, after everything we’ve done for you and you repay us like this. You—you filthy half breed!” she spat on the ground next to Ada in disgust.  

Her mother raised a hand to Ada again, but found herself pushed backwards as if by magic. Ada had never seen Dumbledore angry before, and suddenly realised why people were afraid of him. He looked powerful, strong. He stood there, wand in hand, glaring at her parents.

“Mrs Fawley, you will not lay another hand on her. She’s been through quite enough.” He said firmly.

“You dare!” she screamed, looking wildly from her daughter to the Headmaster. “She is my blood and I will do as I please.”

“Let's be civil, sit down and we can discuss what is going to happen.” Dumbledore offered.

Her mother laughed her wicked laugh and stared directly at her daughter.

“Why would I want to discuss the fate of a vile creature like her? If I had it my way, her lot would be finished, ended, slaughtered. You deserve this, you know that, don’t you?” She screeched, gripping Ada’s chin with her claw like hands. “You are no longer welcome in my house, do you hear me? I never want to set eyes on you again, half breed scum. You are no child of mine.”

She pushed Ada back into her chair, leaving crescent moons imprinted into her face from where she held her, and stormed from the room, husband following close behind. They left a horrifying silence in their wake, punctuated by the soft sobs of a girl broken.

Chapter Text

Perhaps she ought to have seen it coming, ought to have known that her parents would abandon her like that. It wasn’t as though they were ever loving, or caring, or even nice to her. They had always been clear in their disdain for Ada, whose mere existence was enough to disappoint them, or so it seemed lately.

Ada knew, from a very young age, that she was alone in this world. This cold, lonely world. She knew that not everybody was fed love on a silver spoon, some had to lick it from knives, fond of the blood. But it would change, someday, she told herself. She imagined her parents waking up on a random Tuesday and deciding to love her, at last. She would no longer have to perform for their love, or beg, or plead. It would simply be given to her freely.

This particular dream was covered in claw marks as she desperately clung to it. Letting go of it was the hard part.

The following days after the meeting were lost to a looming depression that stuck to her skin, pulling her down. It felt like she was under the constant watch of a Dementor, following her every move and sucking the life out of her. Only, there was no escape; no patronus to chase it away. All her hope in life vanished when the beast sunk its teeth into her.

Days rolled into a week, then before she knew it, it was a week before the full moon and Professor Lupin had cornered her as she wandered the halls aimlessly, on autopilot.

“Ada, wait,” Professor Lupin said, walking fast to catch up to her.

She paused, looking towards him with a blank expression on her face.

“Professor?”

“I have your potion. You need to take it every night until next Saturday.”

“Oh… I forgot.”

“Yes, well, do try to remember, Ada.” He passed her the potion, observing her. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes and her general unkempt appearance, whereas before, she always looked after her appearance, “Is everything okay?”

“Hmm?” She said, not really paying attention. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine, thanks.”

She wandered off slowly down the corridor, leaving Lupin staring after her, unsure what to think.

And so, she began taking her potion every night before the full moon. It was… disgusting. In fact, disgusting was saying it lightly. There would never be a bad enough word to describe just how bad it was. It had the texture of oozing mud, colour to match. It had a sulphuric taste, sourness and rotten eggs.

Ada felt awful. In every way. She was unsure if this was due to the potion, or the state of her life at present. It felt as though everything was crumbling around her. Her grades were slipping, to much disappointment from Professor Snape, her friends tried reaching out to her but couldn’t quite reach, and she was alone, once again.

Not only this, but she was getting strange looks wherever she went. Walking down the corridors at school had people turning their heads any laughing, gossiping. She was fed up, quite unlike her usual optimistic self.

She tried to remain positive, really— she did. But self hate only grew as time passed, loathing everything about her condition and current circumstances. She had grown to resent everything about herself, lost love for all she cared about. Dreams, aspirations, friendships, were all hard to reach.

The professors all saw she was struggling and tried to make certain allowances for her, though she just saw this as pity – which she was not a fan of. Professor Lupin often slipped bars of chocolate onto her desk at the end of class, and brought her some old muggle books he thought she might like. Ada was a fan of this, she thought, smiling to herself.

She was in potions class one long afternoon, listening to Professor Snape drawl on about the many uses of dragon-scales.

“Dragon scales, despite its rarity, are a powerful ingredient in many potions. Most famously known for its use in what controversial potion, yes, Mrs Greengrass?”

The Slytherin girl Snape called upon froze, clearly unsure of the answer.

“Uhh… erm, B… B… Bulbadox powder?” She said, hopefully.

Snape rolled his eyes, moving to another student.

“You, Grey, answer.”

A tall Ravenclaw boy looked at Snape, pulling his eyes from his textbooks and said, “Liquid Luck?”

“Honestly, you are all hopeless. Twenty points from Ravenclaw for your inability to pay attention.” Snape spat, sighing and turning back to the chalkboard. “The answer is Baruffio’s brain elixir. It was made in 1845–”

“You can’t just take twenty points from Ravenclaw for that, he did nothing wrong.” Ada spat furiously at the injustice, “What about Slytherin, she got it wrong too, at least he named a potion rather than an ingredient.”

The class went very silent, though the Ravenclaw all seemed to murmur in agreement. The Slytherin’s in the class started to laugh, watching Snape turn slowly from the chalkboard to face her.

“I beg your pardon?” He said in a low voice, walking closer to her desk, “What did you just say to me?”

“J…just, its unfair sir—”

“And you think it wise to tell me, how to run my class?” He glowered over her, leaning on her desk, long hair framing his face.

Ada felt her face burning, heard Slytherin’s laughing behind him. The entire class thought Snape might very well bring back student caning as a punishment, just for her.

“Twenty more points from Ravenclaw, for your… cheek.” He eyed her scars and smirked. “Stand up.”

“W..what?”

“I said, stand…up…”

Slowly, she rose to her feet, not looking at him.

“Since you think you can teach this class, you may do so.”

She looked at him, frowning.

“Stand in front of the class and read from the textbook while the class watches you… closely.” He said, smirking.

“Sir…”

“Do not make me repeat myself.”

Her mouth went dry. She couldn’t move, she felt rooted to the spot. After several moments, Snape gripped her by the arm and pulled her to the front of the class, slamming a book down on the desk in front of her.

“Read.”

Her eyes were prickling with tears and a lump rose in her throat, choking her. She felt every single eye on her, most of them looked amused. Some even whispered to their partners, joy across their face.

And so, for the last fifteen minutes, she read from the textbook in front of the class, just as Snape told her to do.

The bell rang, signalling end of class and everyone began packing up their things. Ada began walking back to her things when Snape pulled her back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked, firmly. “Stand back there.”

People laughed, looking back at her before they left the classroom. Only a couple of Ravenclaw’s looked back at her with worry on their face.

Once every student had left the classroom, Snape rounded on her, towering over her menacingly.

“I have made allowances for you, given your… condition. I have been lenient with your slowly dropping grades. I have helped you, saved you… and this, is how you repay me? By giving me cheek? You should be thanking me on blended knee after everything I’ve done for you, silly girl.” Anger seemed to radiate from him as he glared at her.

Shame washed over her again, mixed with embarrassment. Tears began to fall from her eyes and she quickly wiped them with her sleeve. She had no words. He was right, of course. She didn’t know why she couldn’t control herself, why every emotion was so quick to rise to the surface these days.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“I’m sure you are.” He said, gaze still fixed on her, trying to read her mind.

Snape sighed.

“Listen to me, Miss Fawley. Your behaviour was a disgrace and it isn’t something I’d have imagined from you. You are one of my best students, and you’ve disappointed me. I will not tolerate such cheek.” He said, staring at her. “If you dare speak to me like that again, I will make life at Hogwarts very difficult for you.”

“What, because my life here is milk and honey, Snape?” She said, riling up once more. “Do what you want, I do not care anymore.”

A harrowing silence followed her words and she choked on them. There it was again, the anger bubbling over, like it did so often these days. What was wrong with her? She had overstepped the line once more, set fire to the olive branch he was holding out to her. Usually, she had the utmost respect for the Potions Master, but it was hard to care much about anything these days.

She looked away from him, ashamed, whispering a pathetic “I’m sorry,” through her angry tears.

Snape stared at her for several long moments, weighing up his options. His anger seemed to ebb away as he witnessed her falling apart like that.

“We all have our problems, Ada, but we cannot let them get the better of us. I know what its like to feel… hopeless.” He said, finally breaking eye contact. “Today, I forgive you. Tomorrow, I will not. Do not make a habit out of disrespect. You will attend detention with me every Saturday afternoon for a month.”

“Yes sir.”

“Consider yourself lucky, Fawley. If anyone else had spoken to me like that then they would be suffering much worse than this. Control your emotions before they control you, Ada. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

 “Then, go, get out of my sight. Do not make the same mistake twice.”

She gathered her belongings and left the room, but before she reached the door, she turned back to say, “Thank you, Professor.”

Ada had no idea why he was being so lenient. Looking back on it now, she deserved a lot worse than that, and she knew it. But she wasn’t about to complain, she would wait to find out what her detentions had in store for her first.

Chapter Text

Friday fast approached and Ada was making her way to the Defence against the Dark Arts classroom when something caught her eye. She stopped abruptly and stared out of the window to see several Dementors swooping around the grounds. It was a grey, rainy, autumn day. The wind was howling through the gaps of the windows, giving the day a haunted air to it.

One… two… ten… twenty. She could see twenty Dementors floating around. Ada didn’t appreciate their presence at all. It was supposed to make them feel safe? But it didn’t. They just made everyone feel gloomy, if anything. Sirius Black had already entered the castle once, so clearly they had no affect on him.

She glanced at the forbidden forest, a pang of fear in her stomach. Ada hadn’t been back to the place where… it, happened… didn’t think she ever would.

“Hey, Ada! Astrid, Addie!” a second-year she had recognised to be Billy Perkins came running up to her. Billy was one of the school newspaper journalists, and only ever spoke to Ada about such matters as gossip, recent events, and maybe to ask her opinion on an article he had written. Today was no different.

“What have I said about calling me that?” she snapped.

“Sorry, Ada! I was wondering if you could give an opinion on this article? I heard a werewolf has been roaming the grounds of Hogwarts recently and I think that this piece does it justice...” he handed her a large piece of parchment where he had wrote an entire essay on the piece.

Ada was horrified. How did people know? She thought Dumbledore had kept it secret, amongst professors only.

“…I mean, I don’t know if its true, Lily Bett told me she’d seen one lurking in the forest but we all know what she’s like for exaggeration and-”

“No, sorry, Billy. I’ve got to go.” She pushed the parchment back into his hands and rushed away, into the classroom without looking back. She quickly found her seat and threw herself into it, running her hands through her hair in frustration. Why did it follow her everywhere she went?! Like the big, looming beast it was—

“Is everything alright, Ada?”

“JE-eez.” She almost jumped out of her seat. Professor Lupin was sitting behind his desk in the corner of the room marking some paperwork. “You scared me.”

He chuckled softly, she continued before he could respond, “I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there. I didn’t realise I was so early... I’ll wait outside.”

“No, you’re okay. You can wait here, in fact, I may need help if you’re willing.” He beckoned her over to him, and she obliged. “Today’s lesson will be a practical lesson. I need the desks stacked up onto the left-hand side of the room.” he pointed at a stack of them beside him and smiled.

“Oh, sure, okay. What will we be learning about, sir?” she fetched her wand, and carefully moved the chairs to the side of the room, stacking them on top of each other.

“Now, now, I can’t give away secrets like that or I’ll be accused of favouritism.” he smiled, and continued, “It's just something that's not often touched upon, as they are so misunderstood and rare. We hardly ever find them. You’ll see.”

She smiled back at him and started to move the desks to the sides of the classroom.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, smiling at her.

“Fine,” she froze slightly at the question, but shook it off, “everything’s fine.”

He looked at her and raised his eyebrow in question, surveying her.

“I… I just wish I could escape myself, for a day or two. I feel like it follows me everywhere.”

“Ah, yes… I know what you mean. It does feel that way sometimes, doesn’t it.” He smiled sadly, “I hope you know I am here if you ever need to talk.”

“Thank you, Professor.”

She also thought that if she ignored the wolf thing, maybe it would go away for a while. Cowardly, she thought, you’d make such a shitty Gryffindor. That voice in her head, always sour and angry these days.

Then, she looked at Lupin. What house would he have been in, she wondered. Hufflepuff, for his kindness and patience? Ravenclaw, for his brains? Gryffindor, he did seem so brave and good. Or Slytherin? Lupin did seem like a leader, he was brilliant at teaching.

“Sir, if you don’t mind me asking... what Hogwarts house were you in?”

He chuckled softly, “Which house do you think I would be in?”

“I don’t know, I think you have qualities of all of them, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

“I was in Gryffindor. Though the hat did think I would do well in Ravenclaw, like yourself. But in the end, it chose Gryffindor.”

“Gryffindor, ah… I knew you were brave.” She said, smiling.

He couldn’t help but laugh at this. Lupin wouldn’t consider himself brave, not when he had known James… Lily… the bravest people he’d ever met.

“I’m only brave when I have to be. Just like you, we’re no different really.”

“I don’t feel very brave, in fact quite the opposite.” she kept her eyes on the task at hand.

“You are braver than you give yourself credit for.” Lupin said, knowingly.

She smiled and turned back to the task at hand. Once she had finished putting all the desks at the side of the room, she paused to look at the wardrobe sat neatly at the front of the room.

“What’s the wardrobe for, professor?” She asked, but he just gave a smile and tapped his nose.

“You’ll find out shortly.” Lupin said, just as students began walking into the room.

After around five minutes, everyone had arrived and were stood talking, grouped in front of the wardrobe.

Professor Lupin had stood from behind his desk and was making his way over to the students with a friendly expression.

“Good afternoon everybody. Today’s lesson is a practical. Please leave your belongings at the back of the classroom and stand closer.” His smile landed on Ada, giving her a small wink as he continued. “Wands out, were going to need them.”

After the hustle died down, the wardrobe gave a shake, as though something inside was trying to get out. Everyone glared at it, some even jumped at the sudden noise.

“Intriguing isn’t it? Anybody want to venture a guess as to what’s inside?” Professor Lupin said, walking slowly around the room.

“Is… is it a boggart, Professor?” A boy called Roman asked, staring at the wardrobe which was still shaking.

“Correct! Well done Mr Dolvesky. Five points to Ravenclaw.” Lupin smiled, “Can anyone tell me what a Boggart looks like? Miss Fawley?”

“Uh… well, no one knows. They’re shapeshifters. They turn into whatever the person fears the very most.” Ada said, beaming at the professor, enjoying herself for the first time in weeks.

“Very good, Miss Fawley. You can take five points too.”

“For the last five points, anyone care to tell me what the charm is called that repels a boggart?” He asked the class, standing in front of the wardrobe.

“Riddikulus.” A girl in the back of the classroom chimed up.

“Very well done! Five points to Hufflepuff. Now, I want us to practice this. Repeat after me, Riddikulus.”

After several times repeating this, Lupin smiled and said, “Very good. That’s the easy part, what really finishes a boggart is, laughter. You need to force it to assume the shape of something you find truly amusing. For example, you,” he pointed at a Gryffindor boy who looked a bit startled. “Come and stand here please.”

“Uh...” he looked uncomfortable but stumbled forward anyway, “okay.”

“Lucan, what frightens you most of all?”

“Snakes, I think, sir.”

The Slytherin’s in the class all laughed at this, hissing at him amused.

Lupin walked over to him and whispered something in his ear, before turning to the class.

“Picture in your mind, clearly, what you want the boggart to transform into. Something funny. Now after three… one, two, three…”

The wardrobe clicked, and out of it slid three large snakes, snapping their jaws at the boy.

“R…Riddikulus.” Lucan shouted, pointing his wand at them.

Suddenly, the three snakes transformed into three long balloons, which screeched and flew around the room. Everybody started to laugh and the boggart backed away.

“Excellent, well done Mr Thomas! Now who’s next?” Lupin asked, “Everyone form a line. We’ll take turns.”

The Boggart shifted as if hit by a harsh punch, and when it regained its posture it was wearing the outfit of a stage clown, perfected by matching makeup and a squeaky red nose. The class laughed heartily, and the next person faced the Boggart.

Several people faced it without hesitation, and the classroom was filled with roars of laughter. Everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves, but Ada’s anxiety only grew. Her turn to face the Boggart was fast approaching.

What did she fear the very most? Would it be the wolf she was attacked by, or her parents perhaps? She used to be afraid of death, but not so much anymore. Heights? Darkness? Abandonment? She was afraid of many things and didn’t really fancy everyone in the room knowing what she was scared of. The idea of it made her feel vulnerable.

The Boggart changed into spiders, zombies, clowns, and snakes. The oddest one had been Emmeline Culkin’s, where the Boggart had turned into a person with hundreds of holes in their skin, and the close second was Barnaby Fletcher’s, where it had transformed into dozens of chickens. Each Boggart had been defeated by laughter until Ada’s turn came.

She didn’t move until a Slytherin had pushed her forwards. Slowly, she faced the Boggart and her breath hitched as it crept out of the wardrobe once more. It’s familiar icy eyes stared directly at her, a sneering growl with blood dripping from its teeth, its matted fur. The huge wolf stepped out from the wardrobe, closing in on her.

Ada froze, not knowing what to do. It’s not real, its not real, it’s not real, she thought desperately.

“Ridik—”

She could smell its breath on her skin, the familiar scene of blood and death.

“R-ridikkulus…”

The wolf snapped its jaws menacingly, with a loud growl and Ada fell backwards in fright, losing her footing and falling onto the floor.

Professor Lupin stepped in front of her, arms wide and the boggart shifted, transforming into a full moon.

“Ridikkulus.”

It popped like a balloon and flew back into the wardrobe. Ada jumped to her feet and ran from the room, ignoring the stares and scared looks from her classmates; the laughter from the Slytherin’s, even ignoring Professor Lupin as he called after her.

Chapter Text

The embarrassment Ada felt after leaving the classroom clung to her like glue, following her around the castle like an unwanted smell. She began pacing through the corridors in search of sanctuary and found it inside the Room of Requirement.

She walked past the place where the door appears several times, repeating, I want somewhere safe, cosy, comforting, a sanctuary, over and over in her head until the door appeared in front of her. Pushing the door open, instantly she was greeting with the scent of freshly baked cookies, vanilla, and honey. She couldn’t help but take long deep breaths, taking it all in.

Quickly closing the door behind her, she heard the sounds of logs crackling in the fireplace, rain pattering on the windows and the howls of wind, even the sounds of piano magically playing inside the room. Comforting, she thought, beaming to herself. Perfect for hiding away from the world outside —an interlude in the chaos of her life.

Inside the room, it was warm and cosy. The walls were painted in pink, canopies draping the walls and ceilings. Candles bobbed and floated all around. There were several settee’s and armchairs positioned neatly opposite the hearth, bookcases that reached the ceilings stacked full of books. There was a grand piano and piles of pillows and blankets, even a four poster bed with pale pink canopies draped around it and an elegant en suite bathroom.

She couldn’t have imagined a dreamier room if she tried. The anxiety that had surrounded her for the last several weeks seemed to ebb away, the pressures of her life were gone, if only for a few hours. Ada wondered briefly how much trouble she would be in for skipping classes and disappearing like this, but soothed herself by thinking, Technically, I haven’t even left the castle.

Settling in, first she decided to have a bubble bath, then she collapsed into the armchair that looked the most comfortable, pulling a blanket over herself and settling with a book she found on the shelves. A floral tea set appeared on the tables next to her and she smiled, pouring herself a steaming hot cup of Earl Grey tea.

Burdens eased, she was happy and content hiding away in this particular corner of Hogwarts castle. She delved into the pages of her book, Little Women, for many hours, happily carried away by the adventures of Jo, Beth, Meg, and Amy.

Her favourite character had always been Jo, she saw a lot of herself in Jo March —awkward, homely, ambitious, clever, always reaching for the stars, and a little hot-headed, too.

Ada fell asleep within the hour, snoring softly, and only woke when her book fell to the ground, making a loud thud. She jolted from sleep and gave a cat like stretch, yawning. It was dark outside now, and most of the candles had been extinguished.

It took her several moments, however, to realise that she wasn’t alone. Someone was sat in an armchair closest to the fire. She immediately straightened herself, squinted and pointed her wand in the direction of the intruder.

The person in the armchair raised their hand and chuckled, “It's only me.”

She slowly lowered her wand, realising who it was. Professor Lupin.

“How? How did you find me?”

“You aren’t the only one who comes here, you know.” He smiled. “It’s a good job I did find you. The other Professors have been quite worried you know, especially given what happened during your last disappearance.”

Ada knew she ought to care, but it was hard to care about anything anymore, especially not another lecture about how disappointing she was. She simply sat watching the flames dance around in the fireplace, mind running away with her. How easy life must be if you were simply just a character in a book. To not think, to have everything planned out for you.

“Ada,” Lupin said seriously, placing a bottle firmly on the table, “forgotten something?”

She looked at Lupin, comprehension dawning on her face. The potion. How could she have forgotten?

“I… I’m sorry. I…”

“Forgot?” He didn’t look away from her once.

“Yeah… I wasn’t… thinking.”

“You would never forgive yourself if your carelessness hurt somebody else. That’s what is at stake here, Ada. You need to remember who you are now, despite how much you feel like running from it.”

He hadn’t raised his voice, or even seemed angry at her, but she knew the severity of what she had done and felt ashamed. It seems that this room, despite all of its magical qualities, could never save her from herself.

“I don’t want to make things worse for you, I just don’t want to watch as you go down the wrong path. You have so much potential, don’t squander it trying to hide yourself from the world.” Lupin said, reaching for her hand and holding softly it in his. “I know your life isn’t easy, and right now you might not be able to see further than tomorrow, but life goes on with or without you. I hope you stay with us for it.”

“Thank you, Professor.” She said softly, “I’ll do better.”

He smiled, and they sat together for a while. Lupin reached for her book, deciding he would read it to her until she fell asleep, curled in her own chair by the crackling fire.

When she woke, it was morning, and she was quite alone. Lupin had gone, but left a note saying;

I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship — Louisa May Alcott.

She smiled at his keen attention to detail and put the note in her pocket, close to her heart, before gathering her things and headed to the Great Hall for some breakfast —or was it lunchtime? On her search for a sustenance, Ada bumped into several Professors who each had a scolding tailored just for her.

Professor McGonagall’s nostrils flared so much during her reprimand that she thought that owls could probably get lost up there for days without being noticed. Flitwick was furious with her and deducted fifteen points from his own house in response. Ada found this most unjust. When she tried to argue her point, she lost another ten points for her blatant lack of remorse.

Feeling a lot heavier than she did when she woke up, she strolled through the corridors with a flattened spirit. It seems she can’t even get through an hour without something going wrong. Trouble just seemed to find her. Would one day, trouble free, be such a problem?

“Miss Fawley, wait there.”

“Oh what now?” She sighed in exasperation, turning to see that it was Professor Snape walking towards her. “Oh, uh, sorry sir. I didn’t realise it was you.”

Professor Snape raised an eyebrow, staring at her.

“Detention, my office, in one hour. Do not be late.” He said, walking away, cloak billowing away.

“Great. Just wonderful,” she muttered to herself, sitting down at a table in the great hall, “I bet he will have me cleaning bedpans by hand.”

“Who will have you cleaning bedpans?” a boy laughed, sitting on the table and staring at Ada while she toyed with her Porridge.

It was Augustus Sinclair, a Hufflepuff boy in the same year as her who was one of her closest friends, although lately, she hadn’t really paid much attention to her friends, unsure if they’d ever want to be around someone like… her. If they knew... what she was... well, she couldn’t bear the thought of the reactions or the abandonment.

“Well?”

“Professor Snape.” she sighed. “Detention. I am grateful it isn’t worse, but—”

“But detention with Snape is still detention with Snape.” he laughed. “Yeah, good luck.”

Augustus’s twin brother, Azrael, sat on the other side of Ada and grabbed a slice of toast, smirking at Ada. The twins were not identical, though it was obvious they were brothers. He was taller than his brother, and he had curly brown hair often kept in a messy bun. Azrael was in Slytherin. Whereas his brother had lighter, short hair and was shorter than he was.  

“Everyone’s talking about it. Funniest thing I’ve seen in a while, not many speak to Snape that way and live to tell the tale. Very impressive, Fawley.” Azrael winked at her, grabbing another piece of toast.

“I don’t know where you found the nerve. Seventh year and he still scares me.” August chimed in.

“Nah, he’s a softie really.” Azrael laughed.

“To you, maybe.”

“Where have you been hiding anyway, Ada? Feels like its been ages since we’ve even had a conversation. You avoiding us?”

“More like avoiding life,” she said glumly, “it isnt anything personal. Everything just gets on top of me sometimes.”

“I could get on top of you, if you like?” Azrael winked at her, grinning.

“Piss off Sinclair.” But she laughed, despite herself.

“You’re so embarrassing, honestly.” Gus rolled his eyes.

“You’re only jealous the girls prefer me.”

“You wish.”

“You’re both ridiculous.” She laughed, getting to her feet.

Azrael stood too, holding out his hand to Ada.

“Come, I shall accompany you to your date— I mean, detention.” Azrael winked and Ada smiled in spite of herself.

“I don’t need assistance, thank you. I can manage just fine on my own.”

“Oh come on, you haven’t as much as looked at us in weeks! The least you can do is let me walk you to your destiny.” he winked and pulled another two slices from the table and they began to walk together, linked arm in arm.

Ada waved goodbye to Gus, happier to be with friends.

“So, gonna tell me where you’ve really been hiding?” Azrael asked.

“I told you before, I—”

“Yeah, yeah. Where did the scars come from? I refuse to believe it was a Hippogriff.”

“Azrael…”

“You know you can trust me with anything.”

“I know that. I just don’t want to talk about it, okay?”

“Hmm, alright.” He said, eyeing her.

There was a brief silence, before Azrael shrugged it off and began talking endlessly about Hogwarts gossip, catching her up with everything she’d missed. She couldn’t help but stare at him as he rambled on about everything. All she could focus on was this moment, and how much she had missed human interaction.

They had reached Snape’s office surprisingly fast, the corridors were relatively empty.

“Well, my fair lady, you have arrived at your destination,” Azrael halted, taking a dramatic bow, holding her hand and kissing it, “until we need again.”

She couldn’t help but blush, smiling as he turned to walk away. He always had a flare for theatrics, she thought as she stared after him, watching him disappear around a corner.

“Ahem.”

Ada jumped, turning to realise Snape was standing there glaring at her.

“You are late.” He muttered, holding the door open for her. “Inside, now.”

Ada quickly rushed into the room and stood by his desk. She had never had a detention with Professor Snape before, so she had no idea what to expect. She had heard other people complaining about detentions with Snape, though, as if he was the worst of them.

The potions classroom was a pretty dull room, the only light coming from candles or lanterns floating in the air. The room had dozens of shelves stacked with books, oddities, and large jars containing every kind of potion ingredient you could think of. Windows from the ceiling to the floor gave view to the green, murky waters of The Black Lake and its many weeds and plants. Occasionally you’d see a creature or two swimming by, and if you were lucky, mermaids, or even the Giant Squid.

Snape sat behind his large oak desk, signalling to Ada to sit in the chair opposite.

"Sit." He muttered, staring at her.

She sat without hesitation, starting to bite the skin around her fingernails nervously. It was a bad habit of hers, which often left her fingers bloody and sore.

“Today, you will be writing lines. And if—”

“I left my quill in the dorms sir.”

“Do not interrupt me, child.” Snape scolded before carrying on with himself, “As I was saying, if we get time, I will be showing you a demonstration of how to correctly brew the Wolfsbane potion.”

Her eyes lit up, beaming at him she said, “Really?”

“Once you have finished writing.” Snape smirked slightly, handing her a quill.

And so, the detention became a lot less tedious with the aspect of potion-brewing to look forward to. I must always be respectful towards Professor Snape. I must always be respectful towards Professor Snape.

Okay, perhaps it was still tedious. Ada wrote a total of 10 pieces of parchment, back to front, before Snape seemed appeased and relented, finally showing her how to brew the potion. Despite having already wrote so much, she continued to scribble down lengthy notes about the method and ingredients involved. Snape even promised she could assist him next time he brewed it.

Ada left the dungeons feeling rather happy considering she had just had detention with Professor Snape. Before she had left, he handed her the final potion before the full moon. Tonight would be the night it happened. Tonight she would face her fate.

It was a strange feeling, this in between moment. Calm, but terrifying all at once. She supposed it was unavoidable really, like the passing seasons, reliably there.

Chapter Text

It was only twelve o’clock in the afternoon, which meant she had around three hours to kill. Sunset was always early this time of year, around three thirty. How on earth she was supposed to keep this hidden during winter, she didn’t know. Perhaps she’d ask Lupin for some advice, he seemed to manage it pretty well.

In her brief freedom, she decided to take a walk around the Hogwarts grounds, exploring it once more, like she used to do with her friends. She had walked around the lake, and wandered up a hill and perched herself on it. It was a very steep hill, and she could see everything perfectly from her spot. She could see onto the horizon where the vast expanse of skies kissed the land, the tranquil waters of the black lake, and the beauty of Hogwarts castle itself. It had always felt more like home to her, a safe haven, and she revelled in it.

Before heading to find Lupin, she made a trip to the Owlry to send a letter to her cousin, Jude. She wanted to know what was happening at home, if the gossip had flown around the family tree yet, if her parents even hesitated in their hatred of her. Not knowing why she clung so tightly to them when clearly, they didn’t care much at all. It haunted her.

Part of her was happy to finally be free of the clutches of prejudice and their twisted views, but the other part of her ached to be a part of an ordinary family. So many times she’d sat through breakfast in the great hall, watching other students getting letters and parcels from their loving parents and guardians, while she had nothing. No reminder that she was loved, no reminder that she was part of something cherished outside of Hogwarts, nothing.

 Her insides burned with jealousy and longing for a love she never had, always an observer and never the recipient.

These thoughts were hard to shake off, they seemed to stick to her like glue, gripping her skin tightly. After sending the owl on its way, Ada began wandering through Hogwarts corridors aimlessly, not really knowing what to do with herself, until —

“Merlin’s beard child, do watch where you’re going won’t you?”

It was Professor McGonagall, who’s papers she was once holding now fell to the ground as Ada walked headfirst into her.

 “Oh… sorry, Professor.” Ada said, bending down to collect all of the papers now strewn across the floor.

“Don’t be silly, stand up.” Professor McGonagall said, flicking her wand and sending the papers flying into her outstretched hand.

“Sorry.” Ada muttered again.

“Don’t you… uh, I mean to say, don’t you have somewhere to be, Miss Fawley? I believe Professor Lupin is looking for you. Do hurry... and may the best be with you, Ada.” She smiled at her sadly before walking away, sending Ada’s anxieties spiking.

I guess this is it, she thought. There’s no use in delaying the inevitable. Ada began to walk. Slowly, in hopes of putting a little bit more time between herself and what was coming for her — but in no time at all, she was there, standing in front of Professor Lupin and Professor Snape, who were talking amongst themselves.

“Ada,” Lupin smiled softly, “I hope you are well, considering…”

...considering she was about to become a vicious blood thirsty monster, she thought, finishing his sentence bitterly. She just nodded slightly, not looking at either of them.

Lupin brushed his hand across her arm trying to comfort her, not really knowing what to say.

What could a person say in such a situation? He was the only person who understood exactly what she was going through —knew exactly what was going to happen to her, even when she didn’t fully understand it herself. Ada tried to smile but somehow it caught in her mouth along with her unspoken words. Nothing nor nobody could ease the anxiety that burned in her stomach, not even Remus Lupin could help her now.

“You’ll be okay.” He tried to reassure her, smiling softly.

All she could do was nod slightly, finally glancing at the pair of them, both professors were eyeing her curiously.

“I want you to have this,” Lupin said, handing her a necklace with a golden penny pendant on it, “It will help you to keep track of the moon phases. I have one just like it, though be it a little older and shabbier —I guess it matches me just fine.”

Lupin winked and smiled pleasantly as she took the necklace and examined it, running her thumb over the golden penny. It had a small full moon etched into the centre of the penny but she noticed it had a small face on it, kind of like the old illustrations in fairytale books. It was rather sweet, she thought, and instantly felt it warming in her hand. She glanced at Lupin and he answered her unspoken question.

“It will heat up each night, five days prior to the full moon, to remind you to take your potions. It’ll change with the phases.”

“Thank you, Professor. It’s beautiful.” She beamed at him, not knowing what she would do without him.

He nodded at her, then walked around the room of requirement lighting candles that hung in the air and on the floor, too.

“Where will you be tonight, professor? Are you going to be here, too?”

“Ah,” he paused, turning back to her, “I will be in my office, but Professor Snape has kindly agreed to check up on you every couple of hours.”

“Oh, okay.”

Ada looked at Professor Snape, smiling a little but feeling a bit nervous at the thought of him seeing her in such a vulnerable state.

“Well, I really must get going. I will see you when the sun rises.” He smiled and graced her arm once more, stroking it softly, “Everything will be okay, Ada. Try not to fight it.”

He turned and walked out of the room, leaving an awkward silence in his wake.

Unsure what Lupin meant by that, she stood staring after him with a confused look on her face. Anxiety rose once again, realisation dawning on her about what was going to happen. She was going to turn into a werewolf, for the very first time. Nothing could delay it. It was coming for her as sure as the ocean-tide kisses the land.

She tried to shake off her thoughts, but failed dismally. It seemed everyone who knew about it, looked at her differently now. Pity, mostly, but disgust, in few. Would Snape, too, look at her in disgust when he saw her as the wolf? Would he be scared? Or simply revolted?

Her thoughts seemed to show on her face, Snape’s eyes fixed on her as he spoke.

“If you do not wish me to visit you hourly this evening, all you need to do is say. I will need to check on you at least once during the night, but after that, I can leave you undisturbed until morning. I just want you as safe and comfortable as possible… I mean, this is all on the Headmasters orders of course–”

“Thank you, Sir,” she cut him off, smiling inwardly at this brief vulnerability of the Potions Master, “but I think I’m going to be okay. I can handle it.”

He nodded, glancing around the room behind her.

“I will be locking the door and putting up enchantments, nobody will be able to enter or leave unless I’m with them. An extra precaution, I hope you understand.”

“Of course. Thank you, Professor.”

“You’ll be alright, Ada.”

She nodded, averting her gaze, unable to look him in the eye. Snape turned to leave, but Ada noticed he lingered a moment, hand holding the door. He looked as if he was about to say something, but thought better of it. Snape looked at her once more, nodded, and locked the door behind him.

The sun was preparing for sleep now, the skies were filled with a beautiful pink and purple tinge, which made the cotton candy clouds look even more beautiful than they already were. Lilac colours painted the walls as light poured through the windows, the sun falling gracefully from the sky.

The enchantments Snape had put around the room seemed to have prevented even noise getting through. Before, she was able to hear the noise of students in the corridors as they bustled about, whereas now, it was deathly silent, still, almost as if hidden in time.

Chapter Text

Ada stared out of the window, fear creeping through her veins and unable to shift her thoughts from anticipating what was about to happen. What would it feel like, what would she look like? Would it be painless? She hoped it would be painless. But before she could give it much more thought, clouds shifted and the moon rose over the horizon.

One glimpse of the silvery moon was all it took to ignite the fire within her very being and it erupted, burning through her veins; her muscles; her skin. Ada let out an ear splitting scream as she felt every joint starting to pop out of place, her bones stretching and contorting, her body elongating and transforming into something even her imagination couldn’t prepare her for. The wolf was near.

Her skin felt as though it was on fire, burning and torturous, she couldn’t help but scratch herself as she transformed. The pain was immense, intense, – it incensed her, and she couldn’t ignore it. Large gashes split across her skin from where the wolf had scratched her, but fur crept over her skin now and suddenly, she was unrecognisable. Her desperate screams ebbed into cries, echoing whimpers, as her body settled into the wolf it longed to be.

Then there was silence. Only the sound of her own whimpers filled the space around her, but her thoughts remained her own. The potion had worked, then. She was still sane, for now, at least.

Ada looked down at herself, noticing the wolf. She was covered in fur – soft blondes, whites, light greys and brown patches. It would have been pretty, if it was a dog, she thought. Ada noticed her claws that still had her blood on them and the large gashes on her legs from where she had injured herself. She recoiled, backing into a large mirror that hung on the wall and it cracked, shards of it covering her. That was when she glimpsed herself for the first time in full.

It was strange, she thought, staring at yourself when you don’t recognise the person staring back at you. The thing, not person, she corrected herself. No wonder her parents disowned her, who would ever love her like this, scarred and menacing as she now was. Would they even remember her? Would they look upon the full moon with sorrow, realising what it must mean for their daughter?

She shook off these bitter thoughts and dragged herself away from the mirror, struggling to get used to walking on all fours. It was a strange sensation. This body felt nothing like her own anymore. And to make things worse, she had a tail. How her friends would poke fun if they only knew.

Deciding to curl up on the bed, she lay there, waiting to fall asleep but being unable to. Her mind whizzing with thoughts, endlessly, relentlessly. One thing after another. Is this what it felt like for Professor Lupin, too?

There came three knocks on the door and a slight pause, before Professor Snape opened it and stepped inside. He looked at the shards of broken glass, blood spattered on the floor and the torn linen from where she was now lay, looking at him curiously. There was a moment where she swore he looked nervous, scared, even. But after a few seconds, he smiled softly at her.

“Everything okay?” He asked, looking at her.

She hesitated, noticing his nervousness, but slowly nodded her head, itching her nose with her paw. Merlin, this was strange, she thought.

He nodded, and left once more.

It wasn’t long after that she had finally fallen asleep, and was only woke by her own screams as the process repeated itself in reverse, bones shrinking and popping back into place. She wasn’t sure which was worse, the transformation, or the reversal.

Madam Pomfrey found her moments after, followed by Professor Snape, wincing as her screams turned into sobs and her body shook. Madam Pomfrey quickly came to her aid, wrapping her in a blanket and hissing upon noticing her cuts, and the blood. Her wounds had reopened and worsened upon turning back into herself, and the blood was gushing.

“Severus—” Madam Pomfrey cried, holding Ada in her arms.

At once, he was there, holding his wand and staring at the wounds on her abdomen. He came closer, running his hand over her stomach while muttering an incantation she didn’t recognise. The wounds stopped bleeding after several tries, repeating the process until she was stable. He wrapped another sheet around her and lifted her into his arms and rushed from the room alongside Madam Pomfrey. Ada passed out before she reached the hospital wing.

It was several hours before she woke, bloodied, bruised and bandaged in the hospital wing. The pain of the transformations left a chronic pain running through her body, and her wounds had yet to fully heal. The first time she woke, hissing and crying in pain before Madam Pomfrey quickly ran to her and gave her a potion which sent her back to sleep. This happened twice, before she finally woke without searing pain.

She took a long, shaky breath and wiped her eyes, noticing at once that Professor Lupin was sat with her once more, handing her a glass of iced water.

“Ada,” he smiled, “how are you feeling?”

She took the glass, gulping it down, grateful for something to rid her of the dryness in her mouth.

“Been better.” She mumbled, hand raising to her head. It was pounding.

Lupin chuckled softly, handing her a piece of chocolate.

“Eat this, it’ll help.”

She took it, nibbling on it slightly, relieved that it did indeed help. It was like a sudden softness ran through her body, cushioning the aches and pains she felt all over.

“Thank you, Professor.” She said, and he held her hand.

“The first transformation is always the worst.” He said, running his hand over hers. “But you were brave, so brave. And I’m so proud of you.”

Ada didn’t say anything. For a reason unknown to her, her eyes started to well with tears. Nobody had ever said that to her before, nobody cared enough to make her feel anything more than the failure she was. Even her own family had washed their hands of her, and yet here he was, helping her to put all the pieces back together.

Lupin held her hand in both of his as he leant on the bed and looked into her eyes with a certain understanding.

“I won’t say it gets better, because sometimes life does not grant us that. But in time, we learn ways to cope with our pain. We learn how to get through the days and make the most of the cards life deals us.”

“I feel like a monster is hiding just underneath the surface, no matter how much I try to ignore it or push through, its always there, ready to pounce.”

“Ada, this is a condition you have, it isn’t who you are.” Lupin soothed, noticing a tear rolling down her cheek. “No matter how much I wish I could take it away for you, to bare the weight of it in your stead, we both know I can’t. But what I can promise, is that you will never have to be alone. You’ll never have to fight this battle alone. I will always be here for you should you need me. But you have the strength inside you to face any battle you may face.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“You can call me, Moony.”