Chapter Text
All in all, Alec and I lasted about eight hours.
Once the awkwardness had worn off and the remaining guard members dispersed Renata and I ended up getting along quite well. She let me sit with her while she watched the human world fall apart on one laptop and simultaneously explored their world on the other. The third stayed shut.
Being with Renata was calming. She had neither Heidi's high energy, high expectations vibe nor Chelsea's judgemental tone. I understood Renata to be more of a loner, but she lacked the general moodiness I would expect in such a category. She offered me a polite smile whenever I asked a question and patiently explained the answer. Patient – that's what she was. Patient enough to stand behind Aro every day and spend hours looking at a species she no longer belonged to. Patient enough to answer all my questions. Like Alec.
She showed me how she found news articles from areas that didn't have reliable reporting and other internet exploration techniques. She wouldn't let me try, though. Apparently, after my escape attempt, I had been restricted from not just phones but all electronics. A rule that Demetri and Felix apparently ignored whenever they turned on donkey kong or something. After I'd spent enough time looking over her shoulder, she agreed to ask Aro to reconsider.
We stayed in the rec room, or whatever they called it, for about three hours, but no one came over again. Some waved as they left, but overall, the room took Prosper at his word. Still, brief glances and whispers had me questioning if they were as curious about me as I was about them.
Once Prosper managed to return me to my room around the time I should be asleep, he thought he'd been successful. However, my mind quickly changed about sleep. I had trouble wanting to physically do it.
Much to Prosper's dismay, as I had been traveling room to room from when the door closed to this very moment. It wasn't my fault the bedrooms in this castle were practically mini apartments. It provided me with plenty of activities to keep my mind processing at the speed it had been all day.
I was currently on the seventh activity I'd taken up since 'going to bed.'
I started my sleep avoidance by trying to clear my vanity. Heidi had placed all these bottles of hair and makeup products on it, and they overwhelmed the space. Initially, I thought they were something stupidly decorative before actually reading them. Boredom attracted me easily, so with Heidi on the brain, I decided to see the updates she'd likely made to the closet. There were always a few new pieces in there, even though I had a section in Alec's wardrobe that was steadily growing.
After trying to find a suitable nighttime outfit, putting the items back on the hangers did not sound like a fun task. That was the first time Prosper reminded me to go to bed, his voice echoing through the door, so I wandered into the bathroom. I checked myself for bruises, cuts (though I'd probably already know about those), and any other injuries before turning the shower on. Except, the shampoo was almost out, so I let the water run cold while I went to look for more under the sink. And then in the cabinets. Until I finally remembered to turn off the shower, at which point I decided bed was a decent idea.
The closet, however, had clothes scattered across the floor, and I didn't feel like looking for something to sleep in, not with Heidi's ridiculous concept of pajamas. Everything was silky, and the shirts were too slick, not to mention the heat it trapped in. The latter almost made it a dangerous choice for me to actually sleep in. So, after glancing once for night clothes, I decided to find a book to read instead. On the way, I kicked a piece of chalk.
Hence, my current seat in front of the chalk wall. Unfortunately, opening my mind to a creative process allowed for the darker thoughts to walk right through and declare ownership before I could begin decorating. So when I glanced up to see Alec had stashed my forged painting that John had found in my father's friend's home between the bedside table and the wall, rather than in his chambers, I was locked. He certainly didn't want anyone else near it, and he likely had not considered that I would be in this room again for quite a while. And I was definitely on that list. It was the right choice.
Antoinette Jaspére was an artist known for painting various women at their darkest hours and at the height of their power. Her first, Le Morte de Guinevere, was a play on Le Morte d'Arthur, which depicted a disgraced Queen Guinevere, putting aside her heart for Camelot. Jaspére reimagined William Shakespeare's Hamlet with, Si Ophélie a sauté, or If Ophelia jumped. Each portrait allowed for its own interpretation, and art critics praised her as a great feminist of her time. Having recreated her works, I was not so sure that her message was advocating so much as it was philosophical.
Jaspére's popularity soared when several of her art pieces were determined to have been destroyed by Nazis alongside artists that never would have given her work the time of day. But the rising feminist movement discovered her story and her career grew in fame and value. Which is why I took up a brush to recreate her work.
With little skill and almost no consistency, it took me several months to perfect it. My father left me at the abbey a few months after I'd completed this one: La Lady Macbeth se voit refuser l'absolution. The Lady Macbeth is denied absolution was straight from Shakespeare's script, showing Lady Macbeth's switch to insanity as she attempted to wash the blood, the lives she was responsible for, from her hands.
Staring at the painting allowed me to overprocess and overthink the bombshells dropped throughout the day, leaving me scattered. The events felt like a play-by-play, but they moved too fast and then too slow. I needed to see them. So, I did the only thing I could and tried to work it out on paper. My sixth task since entering the room.
I must have been there for over an hour as my leg began to tingle. I uncrossed it, allowing the heaviness to lessen. And now that my eyes had forgotten the painting, they had created something just as dark. If I were honest, I could not tell you when I started drawing it, but after today I would force myself to be finished. The page was a mess of scrawled out colors rather than the pencil and charcoal that normally kept my drawings black and white.
This sketch would never see the light of day. The chairs of the throne room shattered like splinters of wood in the center of the circular room. They were thrown together to build a pyre. I hadn't bothered to draw anything like wood to accompany the marble. Yet, a fire still burned, feeding off the immortal bodies that had lost the war – both Volturi and Resistance alike. Anything to stoke the flames for their three final sacrifices.
How do you change a future that is destined to pass? I'd bet anything that the Kings were scouring their pages and pages of documents for an answer. Their dismissal of Razin's threats had been premature, but they could never admit how this potential gift unnerved them. Each man expertly played his part because anything less than formidable would leave room for doubt. The Volturi could not survive doubt. Of that, I was sure.
Now, as I switched to my next activity, I began rolling a piece of chalk over in my palm with the intent to switch both mediums and canvases. Gingerly, I allowed the pages to secure my thumb inside the sketchbook as it closed, before shoving it further away with a haphazard flush toward the painting. I physically turned my body away and placed the end of the chalk on the wall, dragging it down with a dreadful bumping screech.
"Saffiya," Prosper called through the wooden doors. The suddenness of his voice made me jump, making me poke the wall with the chalk like trying to spear a marshmallow. "I beseech you. Go to sleep."
For some reason, I found his plea silly and welcomed the lighter emotion. I faked a yawn, "I am sleeping."
"You're drawing. I can hear the chalk."
I snickered, "I'm sleep drawing."
Prosper's voice slipped a bit, the increasing frustration giving him away. "There is no such thing as sleep drawing."
"Prove it."
I heard him confer with Talib and Percy, and I liked to think they were second-guessing my claim before Prosper decided to switch tactics. "Saffiya, it is 2 in the morning. Your physician informed us that you need a regular sleep schedule." Dr. White was a sleep nerd.
"Says the vampire."
I heard the doorknob turning, so I shouted, "I'm not dressed!" I was.
The knob froze, then clicked back in place as it was released. I grinned triumphantly, reuniting chalk with wall.
Not ten minutes later, he tried again with a knock on the door.
I groaned dramatically. "Fine! I'm going." I hit the floor with my palm a few times, trying to mimic stomping on the ground before I paused as if getting into bed. Then, I continued drawing on the wall.
"Well, I'm convinced."
I whipped my head around to see Alec standing with his arms crossed over his chest. The burgundy red of his turtle neck was astoundingly unique from his eyes. It stood out against the paleness of the skin that did show, just as the black slacks and shoes paired to produce that elegant style. The gold V rested grandly around his neck, and I preferred to focus on that rather than the disapproving expression on his handsome face. My grin fell.
"I could have been naked in here." Alec's eyebrows quirked up in amusement.
"So I was told."
I blinked. What the hell was I supposed to say to that? We did witty banter, of course, but never on this sort of subject. Oh my god. What if I had been sans clothing?
Alec seemed to be enjoying my mental freak out, standing back and watching as I desperately searched for any response that didn't make me seem like a fool or worse. He took pity on me rather quickly, moving to the bed and collecting the books I'd scattered on top. He picked one up and turned it over. "South African Affairs?"
"I wanted to learn." He looked back down at the book, and from my position on the floor, I could catch a somewhat unfamiliar lift grace his lips. It was graceful, the beauty of a secret that had yet to be realized, hidden to all, and yet known to all but those who would keep it. It almost felt private, so I turned away. Not quick enough, for Alec caught me the instant I moved.
"Prosper says you're refusing to sleep."A light thump came from the other side of the room as he slipped the books back into place on their shelves. "Perhaps you should admire a less depressing forgery of yours before bedtime."
"Prosper's a tattle tale." I puffed back, dropping my chalk into a box with the others. I stood, clapping the dust off my hands. "And you're not supposed to be here."
Alec appeared beside me, his eyes directed to the wall. All I'd drawn were random lines. They weren't half as interesting as a subway wall, but still, he took it in. He slipped his hands in his pockets as a small smirk tugged at his lips. "Would you like me to leave?"
I stopped, my head snapping back to him to make sure he wasn't already following through. His smirk grew at this, and I found myself glaring at the floor. "I know you're kidding, but don't you dare."
The corners of his eyes didn't crinkle, but his focus was still locked on the wall. His aura was overwhelmed, not with his bloodlust, but with a remnant of something else outside my doors. The last few hours for him must have been exhausting, but I couldn't fathom what he was doing instead if he had not called a meeting for his team. Reflecting? As I had been this last short hour or so. Had he been under this spell for hours? Likely, he had discussed it with his sister, but did he then entertain the guests he trusted so little?
There was a flicker of otherness in his eyes.
"Alec? Is everything alright?"
"No," he admitted but kept the rest to himself. And this time, I didn't overthink it as we stared at the inarticulate lines in front of us. "It has been a long day for us both. I cannot make you sleep, but I must confess that I fear for your health if you do not."
I blew a piece of hair off my face, but it came back down and tickled my nose. Alec's hand pushed it back before I could, suddenly standing so close that my lips nearly brushed his as I looked up. I froze, but his sight moved between my eyes with a tormentI could not rationalize.
As much as I hated how I felt treated like a child with these routines, it was nowhere near as bad as I'd felt with the nuns. They had been too protective, too caring. The vampires were practical with my condition. Eat three times a day, then go to the kitchen. Get a doctor to ensure nothing was wrong internally. Absolutely logical.
And I think Alec needed me to be okay right now. There was so much to worry about that I could not help with. Perhaps this was the first way I could ease his burdens. Taking care of myself. What an odd concept.
So when he requested, "Will you consider preparing for bed, in case you change your mind?" I agreed.
I was pulling a night shirt over my head as I reentered the room, and Alec's voice flowed into the air like silk.
"It might have been nice to know that your talents are not limited to forgery before providing you access to my wardrobe."
I stopped in my tracks. Alec had changed locations, standing in front of the vanity as he turned to take in my full attire. His eyes trailed down from the shirt as I let it fall over a pair of shorts. The fabric swiped along my upper thighs, and Alec's gaze followed, but I began questioning my decision to wear it when he didn't look away. It differed from when he did his once-overs to ensure I hadn't been injured in his absence. This was less intentional, like he had been given an abrupt opportunity to see me and was attempting to commit this to memory, not simply by sight but to identify and iron on each and every emotion it triggered. Every wave and dip of one feeling into the next before his time was up.
When I had no response, he cleared his throat, "That is mine, is it not?"
I frowned, "you said I could borrow it." It may or may not have been quite a while since that conversation. And I may or may not have stashed the shirt in the closet. He remembered it, though. He always remembered.
"I was unaware you kept it." Then, he paused as I came closer. "It is creased."
Trying to refrain from grinning at his words, I said, "It's not like you were using it."
"Is that perhaps because it is in your possession?"
My stomach fluttered, and I scoffed, trying to force the butterflies back. "You didn't even know it was missing until now." He glanced back at the vanity, and I chewed my words reluctantly, "Would you like it back?"
"No." He said quickly, his eyes returning with a less conspicuous scan. "There is something enticing about seeing you in my clothing." His eyes met mine once more for a prolonged moment before he shifted to face the vanity. He always said these things so simply, and hardly acknowledged what it did to me.
I would have fully expected a comment along the lines of 'no, you've tainted it' or, I dunno, 'cooties' before what could easily be equated to some kind of innuendo. Or flirting…was Alec flirting with me? No, surely I was overreacting. It was a compliment. I looked nice in boy's clothing…thank you?
I took a moment to breathe before joining him. I tried to ignore the shock in my chest as Alec's arm brushed mine. It wasn't even skin on skin, and I still had a hard time keeping my head on straight. All I wanted to do was stand in his arms, for everything to be us and just us. I wanted the comfort in the crook of his neck and the shiver from every slip of his fingers on my skin. But I was too unnerved, and I lacked the words to know how to ask. Eugh, I felt gross just addressing the thoughts. Who talked like this?
"What are you doing?"
"Organizing." He slid two bottles to the right, separating them from several other groupings. He probably recognized the mess I'd made of them earlier. I should have expected it would draw his attention. Alec would have a fit if he saw the closet right now. Probably hang everything up himself – which wasn't a bad idea.
I lifted myself up to sit on the other end of the vanity, content with watching him do whatever he was doing. Only he had paused again, his eyes on his pinky finger as my thigh settled next to it. I, of course, was too distracted by the stupid slipped some in my bag before we left. Heidi must have set them out with hers.
"We should just get rid of them. I've never even touched these things." I picked up one of the bottles before he could. I could hardly tell what his organizational system was, as there seemed to be no discernible pattern. "Although Alice Cullen bought some, and it'd be rude to do so."
He cleared his throat, watching as I handled the bottle. I could feel a smile tug at my lips as I messed with his system. "They are unopened."
I shrugged, setting it back down from where I'd stolen it to put him out of his misery. "I don't exactly have a need for makeup."
"Darling?"
I hummed to show I was listening as I reached in front of him for another bottle, curious now that he had brought attention to them.
"You should not sit there. It is not safe."
"I've done it before." His tongue was poking at the inside of his cheek as if he were concentrating with great intensity. Alec never actually minded when I rearranged things, eventually finding a way to distract me so he could finish the minor projects. I started doing it on accident at first, apologizing profusely when I put it together. He called my hyperactivity endearing, and I could place a similar feeling to his desire for his own form of structure. But now, I reconsidered and prayed I hadn't grown to annoy him.
Alec placed his hand on my thigh, his thumb stroking back and forth before slipping under where my shorts had risen under the shirt. His touch sent sparklers through my veins, and I swallowed, waiting for his intentions to be revealed. I'd been stuck with choosing one of the many silk shorts, but it acquiesced to the more substantial fabric, hiding. Alec, it seemed, had noticed, and he slowly pulled them down an inch or two, almost reluctantly.
The fabric was soft against my skin, and I could hardly tell him I'd chosen it because I thought he would be leaving, and it stupidly made me feel closer to him. Which was ridiculous. I was being ridiculous. I still folded the cuffs inside my fists in case he changed his mind about sharing it.
But now, I had the sudden desire to rid myself of the barrier between our skin. The rule was no clothing should be removed. It said nothing about what we started in –
Oh, boy.
I bent my knee, laying it on the table so I could face him, softening my voice."What's wrong – hey!"
Alec had lifted me off the vanity, placed me on the ground, and simply returned to his stupid task. "You're no fun," I complained half-heartedly. I hit him in the arm, to which he cared very little but reached out a hand to keep me close. Fine, I'll stand. But because I was human and lazy, I half leaned into his side as if the task of decluttering makeup would provide any kind of entertainment.
I received a smirk as he swiftly pulled open the drawer. "Which are from the Cullen?"
Shrugging, I gave a general wave. "The ones in Croatian?"
He immediately started checking the bottles and stashing the ones from Alice in the drawer. I laughed, "Alec!"
"The Cullen isn't here," he reasoned. "Heidi, however, would be devastated if hers disappeared." Then he paused, holding a circular shaped container. "Coverup? What is this for?"
I gave a soft hum to express my lack of knowledge before removing my attention from him to the object. The memory of Alice and Rosalie's playful teasing back in the Croatian store made me freeze.I knew exactly what it was.
I snatched it with suspicious speed, slipping under his arm to intervene between him and the furniture. I shoved the tiny container inside the drawer, only realizing how suspicious my reaction was halfway through the act, so I tried to shut the drawer as casually as possible, and a little too late. "It's nothing."
If he hadn't been onto me before, he certainly was now.
"She said I could use it on minor bruises and stuff," I half lied, trying to pass it off. My eyes darted up, finding his in the mirror with a natural instinct. My reaction triggered a roguish gleam to Alec's countenance. The butterflies in my stomach gave a light flutter. I broke free of his gaze, now busying myself with undoing all his organization. He didn't seem to care anymore, and it did nothing to ease the growing thickness of the air.
"You are nervous."
I scoffed weakly, "Yeah. I'm alone with a teenage vampire." My breath caught in my throat as Alec's fingers brushed along the back of my shoulders, moving my hair to one side. I held back a shudder as his hand slyly moved from my hip.
"You like to be alone with me," Alec assumed vainly as his palmcasuallysplayed over my stomach.
A slow breath was required before I could formulate an answer. "What gave you that impression?"
Instead of answering verbally, he pressed down on my abdomen, locking me against his body. My senses filled with a mind-numbing smoke as I succumbed against him, my sole focus on trying to calm my heart. Yet that focus was tugged in every direction. His breath cascaded across my bare shoulder as he slid the fabric aside. His fingertips tapped the fabric over my stomach as his pinky finger scaled along the waistband of my shorts. My thoughts narrowed, stuck on only the acceleration of theory as his lips tickled the back of my neck.
Alec spoke in a husky voice, a claim over my skin, "You are holding your breath."
He knew exactly what he was doing.
I exhaled immediately and unconsciously, eyes snapping to the cardinal observing me through our reflection.
He hummed as his attention was stolen by his art. Alec's removal of the fabric over my shoulder exposed his bruise on my neck. A spark in his eyes betrayed the difference between this gaze and my other bruises. He was enraptured, and I found a thrill in seeing just how proud he was of his masterpiece on my skin.
Alec caught my eyes again and smirked. His lips ghosted over the back of my neck to the curve that met my shoulder. My mouth parted in a silent gasp, and his eyes remained on me just as intensely as he explored. He tempted my nerves, listened for the beat of my heart in my veins, and baited the air in my lungs. I should have known he was looking for something. Identifying my weakest points. Alec ghosted over an unexplored area, and no sooner had I shut my eyes did his teeth nip at the spot with a tenderness so careful he could have been human.
His fingers pressed into my abdomen again, tightening his hold as my knees wavered under the limited caress of his tongue. He gave a small, breathy laugh, letting it bathe over my skin. I could see Alec watching me from the side now, studying every inch of my face, every breath that passed through my lips as they became heavier by the second.
It was a sparkle in his eyes that could only compare to the satisfaction of his gift. His tongue revisited the only area that revealed our teenage adoration and gave another nip to the mark. My breath hitched, and I realized just how much he was supporting my weight. This, too, pleased him, and I could see it in his eyes as he rested his chin on my shoulder, both his arms encircling my waist.
There was nothing quite like Alec's embrace. Yet he held onto me like a boat would to an anchor in the middle of the sea. He held me like I was both his anchor and his tempest. What a terrible responsibility, I decided, to be someone's everything. And yet, was he not my tempest? He was already my anchor in a world I could not claim.
I leaned deeper into him, placing my arms over his so he would hold me tighter. My head tilted up to him like instinct, and I bit my lip as his irises seemed to lay claim to mine, pupils dilated, devouring me with an innocent indulgence.
"I've missed you," I blurted out.
His eyelids shut, but after a second, he nudged his nose along the side of my neck. It was such an absurdly intimate yet naturally goofy transition – and it tickled, making me giggle. He dropped his head mischievously into the crook of my collarbone. I laughed again as the light brush of his hair also tickled my skin. I wiggled in his embrace, but his grip tightened to hold me still, seeming to find some amusement in my reaction. "Quit it!"
"You need to rest." I rolled my eyes, laughing at his half-attempted sternness. The corners of his lips twitched, and he connected his temple to mine, murmuring, "Do that again."
"Hmm?" I thought I was being witty. Until a light pressure took hold of my waist, forcing a giddy yelp to escape as Alec squeezed my sides. The laughter continued to burst forth from my gut as I tried to squirm away until I was running out of breath. I elbowed him from the side, somehow finding the air to shriek, "Alec!" His lovely laugh replaced mine as he brought me back against his shaking chest.
"Okay, okay." He left a light kiss on my cheek before freeing me. Turning over my shoulder, I stopped at the wide smile decorating his face. An appearance so rare I would hardly dare to chide the act that gifted me with the chance to see behind the boy's facade. He quirked an eyebrow as I continued to simply take him in. "Yes?"
I opened my mouth but paused, not quite sure how to express everything his smile meant to me. I leaned back against the vanity. "I like when you're happy." I'd caught him off guard again, but he promptly recovered.
Alec's lips melted on mine with delirious faith. Like ambrosia and absinthe, a temptation with only one direction. This was slow, indulgent, and I think we were both aware that this may be the last time we could spend alone for at least a few days. So, when I pulled away to breathe, Alec's hands slid down from my waist and lifted me onto the vanity. Some of the bottles went rolling, but we cared even less than before.
His hands parted my thighs so he could stand between my legs. My hands flew to his chest, gripping his shirt in my fingers as the other wrapped around his neck. Alec's mouth hovered over mine, his eyes flickering from my lips to my eyes before he leaned in, his tongue grazing my lower lip. He pressed his lips to the side of my mouth as if purposefully teasing me when my head tilted to try and steal him back.
Alec's lips had barely caressed my jaw when my thighs tightened on his hips. My small plea barely met the air before his lips returned to mine like a magnet, and I tried to pull him closer.
Alec obliged, tilting his head to kiss me harder. His fingertips slipped under my shirt, and the shockwave of his skin, bare against my stomach, caught me off guard. I gasped into his mouth, twisting my fingers in his hair, but he made no move to further the intimacy beyond what we'd discussed. A decision I found myself wishing he would ignore. That was past Alec and Saffiya. What did they know?
Alec pulled me from my suspicious thoughts, his lips hovering over mine before he pressed our foreheads together. His knuckles brushed gently across my cheek.
"You make me happy."
Perhaps we were both on the ship…awaiting a tempest we could not see.
"I should go." The raw whisper in his voice brought me unconsciously closer to him, wary of the idea. As if I knew what was coming. I nuzzled into his neck and sighed as his arms went around me. Was this what forever felt like? Was it supposed to be this constant newness, an all-encompassing rush of emotions?
As Alec pulled me closer and his fingertips caressed my jaw, I found my heart racing under the open air. Wild with the spirit of a Mustang and not beholden to the rules of the restrained. There was the demand for freedom and the right to be free, and I savored the Mustang's willpower behind both.
"Please go to bed," his lips moved against my hair. "Prosper might quit if you do not."
"Good," I pouted. "He's just as bossy as you." Maybe I'd been awake too long, or being locked in this castle with new guests that no one seemed to enjoy had me paranoid, but there was no way I would be able to fall asleep tonight. Something just didn't feel sane. It was like a hum in the air, subtle but menacingly innocent.
Alec chuckled, lifting me back down and allowing for some distance between us. I could not tell you the look I gave him, as it was unintentional, but my expression seemed to convince him to ignore his better judgments.
His mouth greeted me once more, like a nostalgic meeting of old friends. I giggled against his lips as he returned again. Then again as he gently tugged on my bottom lip. It was like electric vibrations emanated from the tease as he slowly released, letting it return to its match with a soft pop. My hands clenched onto his shoulders, and I swear I blacked out, a distinct pleasure rushing through me. Alec's chest shook with low laughter; no doubt, my heartbeat had gone wild.
I groaned. I really had to figure out how to even the playing field one of these days.
I leaned forward, hesitantly touching the side of my fingers to his cheek. His head tilted into my touch, and his lips graced the palm of my hand as his eyes flickered open to see me, returned to a red not quite as certain as before, but red nonetheless.
"Alec?"
A smile graced his features. "Yes, Tesorina?"
I bit my lip, trying to hide a mischievous grin.
"Can we call Jane?"