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Dear Diary: Today I Conquered the World

Summary:

Hermione's mother and father are oral surgeons for the National Health Service, contracted to provide dental care to members of the Royal Marines. Corporal Vernon Dursley is a mess sergeant who's out of shape, a shit cook, and probably a drunk. At least he isn't around much and Petunia's too busy trying to look respectable on an enlisted man's salary. Harry instead finds himself brought up by the rough, randy, and hot-tempered servicemen milling around the base. The girlfriends, floozies, and whores make a project of the wandering, sweet-hearted little rascal.

To her parents' chagrin, Hermione likes to wrap up her day at her posh school by walking over to the bases' schools to play with children there. One of those children is a Harry, a shy, smart boy who doesn't get enough to eat and likes this strange, brown-haired girl who gives him books.

One day, a flock of owls takes over the commandant's office and refuses to leave. Each one carries a letter...

OR

Harry and Hermione knew each other as kids and Harry's young life makes him unwilling to lie down and act out a prophecy.

OR

Harry decides to make use of the knowledge Tom riddle left in his diary.

Notes:

I find the concept of writing a "Dark Harry" fascinating. Does he have to be mustache-twirling, puppy stomping evil? Or does ruthlessness in his methods suffice?

In duels, Harry never uses any other spell besides Expelliarmus because he 'doesn't kill'. Except probably has killed many times. He killed Quirrell midway through his first year (in self-defense) by holding on to his victim while he screamed until he stopped screaming

He's knocked enemies off of brooms in midair. He's left Dolores Umbridge alone in a forest with centaurs she's been harassing (and the books imply she gets raped to insanity).

He's not a bad person because of this, necessarily. He's someone who's lived in kill-or-be-killed mode between ages 11 and 18 and by the time he's come out the other side, he's killed or placed people in situations where death is essentially certain several times.

The books use a very oversimplified morality: anyone who kills is a villain, anyone who refuses to kill is a hero.

Is Molly Weasley a bad person for killing Bellatrix? Dumbledore, for having Barty Crouch Jr. executed by Dementors? Is Hermione a bad person for essentially turning her parents into different people by making them people who aren't even aware they are parents, taking away all the life experiences around their daughter? They'd probably have taken death, over not remembering their little girl.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Rough Start

Summary:

Where Hermione slums with a poor kid and it takes a village to raise a Harry

Notes:

Alan Alda, the actor of MASH fame, was raised in a burlesque house. Quite a sensitive, soft spoken man. That's where I'm getting my inspiration here for Feral!Harry. The older brothers getting him into trouble are off duty Marines, ne'er-do-wells but not criminals.

The older sisters keeping him from doing anything too stupid range from housewives he pulls weed for to strippers who slip him some pocket money to let the air out of some pervert's tires.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Plymouth, Devon - 1991

Near Stonehouse Barracks, home of the 3 Commando Brigade, Royal Marines

 

It's cold.  Wind off the sea carries stinging, salty chill up over the docks and into the town.  Harry stuffs his hands deeper in his pockets, relishing the lambskin lining of the old jacket.  Bomber pilot's jacket, from back in the War.  Back when pilots didn't have tray tables, or autopilots, or radar. They had coats and earmuffs and Nazi fighters shooting at them.

Old Lady Rose gave him this for fixing up her back porch. She gave him the pants last winter because she felt sorry for him.  He does look a bit like her Jimmy did, back when.  Jimmy and Rose met young, so their first photos are seventeen or eighteen, before he shipped out to train during the blitz.  Scrawny fellow with messy black hair and glasses.  

Dudley's hand me down windbreaker is worn thinner than a sheet.  It's nothing compared to this, so he stuffed it in his backpack.  He'll have to hide this somewhere when he gets home.  Shouldn't be too hard.  Payday was day before yesterday, so Uncle Vernon was drunk yesterday and today he'll be getting hammered by his commanding officer.  Probably fell over and contaminated the food with his fat face.  The fact that the Royal Marines can't find a better cook than Vernon Dursley really says a lot.

When she realizes her shopping trip is canceled because Vernon drank it all, Aunt Petunia will be fit to whip Dudley, let alone Harry.

No, better to see if any jobs need doing.  Show up home in a couple days.

"Hey, Jack!" Harry calls out.

The bent-over old man sweeping out his automat gives a quick wave.

"Gutters all right?" Harry adds over the wind.

"They'll keep, young sir," Jack chuckles.

"Don't call me sir!" Harry jokes.  "I work for a living."

"Brat," Sarah huffs, swatting her husband and then Harry with a ladle.

"I come in peace," Harry promises, backing away.

"See that you do," she huffs, waving the gravy-dripping implement.

There's no one in the park. Usually, he'd wander back to the base's fence.  See if any of the lads have any trouble they think he should get into.  Aaron wanted to take Harry hunting, which sounded like fun.  No sense doing that today because with Vernon getting chewed out, Harry's more likely to get spotted and have someone who 'means well' drive him home because they think he's waiting for a ride.

"Hey!" a voice calls out behind him.

Harry spins around.

Flying up the street with her messy brown hair bouncing behind her is his best friend.  Hermione Granger.  She's a year older than him and her parents are rich--doctors at the base hospital--but they get along great.  Hermione has books she's tired of reading and Harry has never heard of any of those books.  For his part of the bargain, Hermione wants 'girly stuff' even though hates the girls at her school.  So he gets her castoff books and she gets makeup and fashion magazines and things she'd rather not ask her mum about.  Hermione says her mum will think she's a failure if she puts on makeup before graduating Oxford.

Harry doesn't have a library card or a friend his own age.

Hermione has piles of used paperbacks and the girls her own age bother her.

She's huffing in the cold air, making little clouds as she scrambles along under her massive backpack.  She switched her school shoes for trainers but for some reason didn't think to put on actual pants over her skirt.

Harry, by virtue of being unofficial kid brother to a few hundred marine cadets, is friends with some odd sorts.  His odd jobs aren't just old lady's porches and automat gutters.  He's got a knack for wires, if he says so himself.  He's cheap and he's careful and he doesn't ask for money unless he fixes it.  So he's got a lot of clients in town, including the madams of both of the brothels that don't technically exist.   Some of the businesses who'd rather not have the cops around have asked Harry to fix their lights.  He's never seen a girl naked, but he's wired up a red neon light shaped like one for a hundred quid.  

"Got them?" she huffs.

"Someone's pushy," he jokes.

"Someone is freezing," she whines.

Harry takes Dudley's ratty old windbreaker out of his rucksack and opens it up.  Inside are several tubes of lipstick, a compact mirror

"I wasn't sure but I talked to one of the girls," he admits, his cheeks quite pink.  "Told them what you look like."

"You talked to one of the girls?" she squawks.  "About me?"

"Not your name!  I don't know what lipstick looks good with brown hair, do I?" he complains.

"I better not come out looking like a whore," she huffs. 

"Well, the whore I asked said that's really more about how much you use.  And where.  But she did say she'd give you a tutorial."

Hermione punches his arm.

"Wanker."

"Ooh, new word!"  He teases.  "Get that hanging around the back fence near the motor pool, like I did?"

"Mum," she says with a blush.  "Someone was trying to make her re-use supplies.  Unsanitary.  Called him a wanker and asked if he'd be fine getting a shot with a syringe that had been in the butt of a patient of her choosing."

"Got a new book you'd like," she jokes.

"Oh?"

"Yeah.  Couple.  Lord of the Rings..."

"Classic," Harry jokes.  "Not that I've ever read it.  Just heard of it."

"And this new book called Game of Thrones.  You cannot tell anyone I gave this to you.  It's really violent and my mom shouldn't have bought it for me in the first place."

"I'll only read it with supervision," he promises.  "I'm safe from a book as long as I've got Hermione Granger to help me."

"Library?" he suggests.

"Sounds good."

-----

"Since when do a hundred owls nest on the old barracks?" Harry mutters, pointing up the hill.

"Huh?" Hermione asks, looking up from the compact mirror.  "Whoa.  Weird."

A hundred feathered heads turn as one.  The owls leap into flight, heading straight for them.

"Run!" Harry shouts.

 

Notes:

The first book of the Song of Ice and Fire saga (Game of Thrones), came out in 1991, which is the same year that HP canon kicks off.