Chapter Text
Angus’s time at college flies by. The classes are a bit more difficult than they were expecting, but nothing that they can’t handle. Night after night, they sit in the living room - and after it gets too late, their bedroom - soaking up every bit of information they can get their hands on. They practice new cantrips and study spells until they’re confident they can get it right. They’re becoming quite the divination wizard.
Of course, they still have weekly tutoring sessions with Taako. In the past, when Angus was new to wizardly magics, Taako would act as a teacher, showing them the ropes. But since Angus chose a different school of magic, Taako can really only do so much to teach them. It’s still nice, though. The “lessons” have become a whole lot less formal, and have turned into more of a hangout session where Angus does rad shit and Taako pretends not to be impressed.
As Angus has spent more time at school, they’ve also grown closer with their friends. Being in Neverwinter allows them the freedom to hang out with people, and they’ve grown to be quite a social person. The friends that they made at the Neverwinter Pride Club are all incredibly impressed by their magic, though they don’t show off very often; they’ve gotta conserve those spell slots!
Time passes, and Angus gets older. A growth spurt hits them, and they shoot up to stand at eye level with Taako. They leave the sides of their head shaved and grow out the rest. As a fifteenth birthday present, Lup pierces their ears, and they like to wear small hoops on a day-to-day basis. Over time, Angus has grown indescribably close to his family. They’ve caught themself almost calling Taako “dad” and Lup has all but forced them to call her “auntie Lup.” Kravitz has moved in, and he’s just as cool as ever. Angus really likes him; he’s good to Taako and treats Angus like his own kid. It’s nice. It’s normal.
-
Angus lays awake one night, deep in thought. They stare at the ceiling contemplatively, not daring to look at the clock. They’re seventeen, and it’s come to their attention that everyone around them has either dated someone or is hardcore crushing. It’s awesome, they’re thrilled that their friends can find happiness in that kind of thing, but Angus isn’t sure if they’ve ever really had a crush on anyone. If they’ve ever wanted to be more than friends with anyone. Ever since it came to their attention, they haven’t been able to get it out of their head. Maybe they just haven’t found the right person yet.
So for weeks, Angus ponders this question with anxiety bubbling in their gut. Is it that they just haven’t met someone yet, or is there something wrong with them? They stew silently and run their brain in circles, always coming back to the question “what is wrong with me?”
It’s a day in early autumn when Magnus comes by to hang out. He’s on his way to a woodworkers’ competition and needs someplace to stay the night, so of course, Taako lets him crash at his house. When he arrives, he comes bearing an armload of carved wooden ducks that begin to spill out of his embrace. The burly man almost loses his balance as his dog, Johann, bounds past him and into the house. Taako shrieks and Kravitz howls in laughter. Angus watches from the couch for a moment, then moves to the floor to be at dog level. Johann, after completing his rounds around the house, runs to Angus and covers them in slobber, tail whipping wildly about.
Once the ducks are all tossed messily on the kitchen counter (much to Taako’s dismay), Magnus spins on his heel and envelops Angus in a bone-crushing hug. Angus, who had not gotten a breath before being squeezed, wheezes and shouts an argument, but throws their arms around Magnus anyway. “You gotta stop being so old, Ango. You’re making me feel like Merle,” Magnus says, pulling away and looking them up and down. Angus grins at the familiar nickname and shoots back a lighthearted insult, “You’re starting to look like him, sir. Is that a gray hair I see?” Undeterred, Magnus throws his head back and lets out a hearty laugh.
For the woodworking competition, Magnus has created something that isn’t a carved duck… well it kinda is. He’s created a beautiful child’s crib. It’s made of a beautiful dark wood and on each of the four corner posts sits a small, perfect duck. It’s very in character for the big guy. He eyes it with pride every few minutes, seemingly lost in thought. As he looks at it, the corners of his mouth twitch upward and a lovesick glaze comes over his eyes. Taako notices this from across the room and supplies Magnus with no shortage of teasing.
Angus has seen that lovesick gaze on so many people at so many different times. What is it supposed to feel like? They don’t think they’ve ever looked at someone like that. Like the way Lup and Barry look at each other, or the way Kravitz looks at Taako, or the way Magnus looks when he talks about Julia. There are so many people around them who know what it’s like to be in love, and Angus doesn’t know how it feels. They don’t think they’ve felt it.
During dinner, they stay quiet, picking at the food on their plate. It’s nice, Magnus brings in such a warm, friendly presence to the house. He talks quickly and loudly about the dogs he’s been training. Johann is put outside for the duration of the meal; Taako is “such a gracious host” in allowing Magnus to bring Johann along, but having him anywhere near Taako’s gourmet-level cooking is out of the question. Angus listens to the stories that Magnus tells, but they also keep their eyes trained on Taako.
Taako had once told Angus that right before they were all inoculated, on the day where they went to Wonderland, Taako lost trust in everyone and everything. He kept his walls fifty feet high and wouldn’t allow anyone in. How could he? He had been lied to and there were just too many secrets. Looking at him now, Angus notes how comfortable Taako is. He smiles with ease and listens to the antics of a man he spent over a century with. They know that he’d never say it, but Taako loves Magnus. Not in a romantic way, of course, but in a way that goes deeper than words. That’s a kind of love that Angus can understand - the deep, platonic and familial kind of love. They’re used to seeing it and feeling it and being surrounded by it.
Later that night, as Magnus is about to retire to the guest room with Johann in tow, Angus stops him. While Angus knows so many people who are deeply, deeply in romantic love, they feel like Magnus might give the best answer to the question that they’ve been fretting on for months.
“Hey Magnus, can I ask you something?” Angus asks. They’re alone in the living room with Magnus, who says that he’ll go to bed right after he’s finished with the magazine he’s looking at. Angus silently curses themself for asking for Magnus’s attention. Now they’re actually going to have to go through with this conversation, which is becoming less and less appealing as the seconds pass. “Hell yeah, what’s up, kid?” Magus answers, looking up from his magazine. Angus takes a deep breath, like they did so long ago when they came out as nonbinary to Taako. “What does a crush feel like?”
That catches Magnus’s attention. He lays the magazine down and locks eyes with Angus, a grin spreading over his face. “Awww does little Mango have a crush on somebody? Tell me everything, what's their name?” Angus feels themself start to blush. Why? They don’t have a crush on anyone. Magnus’s stupid teasing is gonna give him the wrong idea. “Uh, no, actually. I was just, uh, wondering. You seem like you know about… like, love stuff? So I thought I’d ask.” Magnus’s grin falls just slightly and he takes on a confused expression for just a moment.
“Well, it’s like you want to be around a person all the time. They make you happy and giddy. They seem like they’re larger than life. You can’t get them out of your head, and when you think about them, your stomach does little flips.”
“Isn’t that just friendship?”
“ No! Sure, friends can make you happy, but a crush - or romantic love in general - is different. They make you happy in a different sort of way? I’m not sure how to explain it.”
Angus pauses for a moment, adding this new knowledge into the file labeled “What is Love? (by Haddaway)” in their brain. “Is that what it was like with Julia?” they ask. Magnus smiles and gets that lovesick glaze in his eyes again. “Yeah. Julia was my everything. She made me want to be a better person every single day. I would think about her all the time. I still do. That’s honestly part of the reason why I decided to stay with the Bureau.” Angus cocks their head curiously, suddenly more interested than before.
Magnus takes a deep, contemplative breath then starts again. “Before the Bureau, and maybe even before Phandolin, I was ready to die for a ‘good cause.’ I wanted to rush into an epic battle and die bravely and be reunited with Julia. I missed her so much. Losing her was the hardest thing I ever went through emotionally. But once Killian brought us up to the base and we got inoculated, I knew that getting the relics was something I needed to do.” He sighs and hunches over, putting his elbows on his knees. “Because I would either die quickly while looking for them or I would do something that would make Julia proud. As time went on and I got closer to everybody, I decided I would rather hold off on dying. Still, even after losing her, Julia makes me want to be a better person. I do what I do to make her proud.”
Magnus sniffles a bit and Angus can hear the knot in his throat as he starts to tear up. They scoot across the couch to put a comforting hand on the burly man’s shoulder. “Sorry, kid. You didn’t come in here asking for me to unload all my shit onto you.” He says, chuckling wetly. “That’s okay, sir. You needed to get it off your chest.” Angus answers with a reassuring smile. Magnus takes a shaky breath, trying to right himself. “Why’d you ask, anyway? What’s goin’ on in McDonald Town?”
Angus bites their lip. “Well, I’ve never had a crush before. Most people my age have already had crushes and partners and all that kind of stuff, but I’m just not interested in it. I just don't… feel it?” Magnus, now recovered from his emotional monologue, looks at Angus with fascination. They focus on a spot on Magnus’s discarded magazine and ramble without really even knowing what they’re saying. Their eyebrows are furrowed in careful concentration and calculation.
“I understand it, definitely. I know why people love each other romantically and stuff. I mean, look at Aunt Lup and Uncle Barry. I just don’t feel like that towards anyone. I’m happy with my friends and family. I- I don’t think I want to date people.” Magnus nods, not quite understanding fully, but being down with it anyway. He wraps his huge, muscular arms around Angus and pulls them in for a tight hug. “Ango, I’m so proud of you. You really are a whole fuckin grown-up now. What the fuck happened?” He says affectionately, snapping Angus out of their rambling stupor.
-
They had been going around in circles in their head for months. They would fight themself with the same bits of logic and information until they were dizzy. Just talking to Magnus about it has helped them to come to terms with a few things.
One: They understand what love is like. Angus knows, logically, that they can feel love for people. They love their family and friends. They’re happy when they get to spend time with their people.
Two: Angus doesn’t experience romantic attraction. They don’t want to be involved with anyone. They’re okay surrounding themself with platonic and familial relationships.
Three: That’s okay. While a lot of people define themselves by their romantic endeavors, Angus doesn’t feel that need. There’s a lot of social pressure to get in on the dating scene. Hell, their own friends have teased them about being single for so long. It’s all in good fun, of course, but Angus wants to stay that way. They don’t want to date, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just another thing that makes them Angus McDonald.
As Angus learns to express this particular lack of romantic attraction, they do some research and try to find a word to describe it. They strike gold in terms of information.
-
Kravitz sits at the breakfast bar in the kitchen, nursing a fresh cup of coffee and chatting quietly with Taako, who is behind the stove making pancakes. It’s a week before Candlenights, and Angus is ready to tell their parents about this fun journey of self-discovery. They walk into the kitchen and pour themself a cup of coffee, then go to sit next to Kravitz and join in on the conversation. Taako is talking about preparing for the spring semester at the school and asks Angus how many classes they’re willing to teach.
When Taako finishes serving up the pancakes, he moves to sit on Kravitz’s other side. They eat in silence for a few moments while Angus psychs themself up. There’s no big production. No fireworks or big surprise reveals. They simply say, “I’m aro-ace.”
Taako gasps, chokes on a bite of pancake, finishes the bite, then heaves a big sigh of relief. “Oh thank the gods . I was praying to Istus that you weren’t straight. That would be so fucking awkward. ” Kravitz gives an enthusiastic side hug and says, “That’s awesome, Angus. I’m so glad you could tell us.”
And unceremoniously, they take another bite of pancake.
-
For Candlenights, Taako and Kravitz invite all the birds over, as well as Carey, Killian, and Avi. The house is loud and full and chaotic, but it provides such a sense of normalcy that Angus adores. They talk to Lucretia for a while, describing a few different cases that they’ve solved since they saw her last. She listens with rapt attention, interested in what Angus has been up to.
At a little after 7:30, Taako and Lup serve dinner. Everyone gathers around the dining table or the breakfast bar and enjoys a truly wonderful meal. They catch up with one another. It’s chaotic. It’s messy. It’s wonderful. Angus loves their family more than anything. They’re so happy to be with them on Candlenights. After not having Candlenights for so long, they’re happy to celebrate it however they can.
That night, as a gift from Magnus, Angus receives an asexual pride flag and an aromantic pride flag. They’re thrilled at the idea of hanging them up next to their nonbinary pride flag. They grin as wide as they possibly can and throw their arms around Magnus. Those who didn’t know about Angus’ coming out congratulate them and make it explicitly clear that they love them no matter what.
Through their whole life thus far, Angus has been filled with gut-wrenching uncertainty. Uncertainty about life. About the wellbeing of their friends. About their own identity. On this Candlenights, all of their previous anxieties are washed away. They’re certain about several things. They’re certain of themself. They're certain of their safety.
They're certain that they have the best family in the world.