Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rise -

bootyshaker9000: donnie

neon - leon: leo

michaelsplinterson: mikey

raphael: raph

apes: april

cassiejones: casey

2012 -

fearless leader sad face: leo

donatello period: donnie

mikey is sexy as hell: mikey

raph smirk emoji: raph

white april lol: april

casey jones best man on earth: casey

bootyshaker9000 has made a groupchat!

bootyshaker9000 added neon-leon, michaelsplinterson, raphael, apes, cassiejones, fearless leader sad face, mikey is sexy as hell, white april lol, raph smirk emoji, donatello period, and casey jones best man on earth to the chat!

bootyshaker9000: hey...is this thing working?

donatello period: holy shit ITS ACTUALLY WORKING

neon-leon: oh hey 

neon-leon: @all COME HERE

bootyshaker9000: you actual fucking idiot this isn’t discord

neon-leon: shut the fuck up donnie 

cassiejones: OH MY GOD

cassiejones: CASEY

casey jones best man on earth: CASSIE

cassiejones: oh this is so sick

casey jones best man on earth: what im saying like

white april lol: god i can already tell this is gonna be an absolute nightmare

casey jones best man on earth: ;)

raph smirk emoji: im muting this

casey jones best man on earth: you're such a whore for that raphael

raph smirk emoji: JUST WAIT JONES I WILL USE YOUR BLOOD TO BUTTER MY CROSSANT 

donatello period: crossant

fearless leader sad face: crossant

raph smirk emoji: You want to die

apes: crossant

mikey is sexy as hell: crossant

white april lol: crossant

raphael changed the groupchat name to crossant!

raph smirk emoji: I  am going to  rip your  head off.

neon-leon: that's not worrying at all!

bootyshaker9000: okay so. there are currently twelve of us

bootyshaker9000: obviously we aren’t trying to create any korean kpop band or anything but

michaelsplinterson: K[POP BAND?@!#!

casey jones best man on earth: I LAGUHED SO HARD IM DECOMPOSING

bootyshaker9000: thanks for that laugh casey i really

bootyshaker9000: worked on that one

neon-leon: yeah we could tell

bootyshaker9000 kicked neon-leon from the chat!

bootyshaker9000: eleven of us now it's the final countdown

apes: leo’s gonna be like ‘omg welcome to the sequel’ from OUTSIDE THE FUCKING GROUPCHAT

bootyshaker9000: he won’t stop messaging me...what a little bitch

bootyshaker9000: mfka is banned from this gc 

donatello period: donnie make me admin

donatello period: thanks:)

raph smirk emoji: i sense a dictatorship in our not so distant futures

donatello period: my finger is hovering over the kick button raphael 

mikey is sexy as hell: god not this again

mikey is sexy as hell: how’re y’all btw it’s been a few

white april lol: three? months? i think?

white april lol: what took you two so long to figure it out

donatello period: making a functioning groupchat between two realities is very hard apparently

michaelsplinterson: ‘apparently’

raphael: but it has been achieved

bootyshaker9000: indeed 

bootyshaker9000: my stupid goddamn twin won’t shut the fuck up

bootyshaker9000 added neon-leon to the chat!

bootyshaker9000: say one fucking thing and im kicking you out

neon-leon: hi

bootyshaker9000 kicked neon-leon from the chat!

casey jones best man on earth: @?#!@#!$@!#@!

michaelsplinterson: another day of donnie and leo’s stupid twin rivalry

raphael: imagine how tired, we, the youngest and oldest brothers respectively, are.

bootyshaker9000 kicked michaelsplinterson from the chat!

bootyshaker9000 kicked raphael from the chat!

bootyshaker9000: i hate my family

raph smirk emoji: oh same

donatello period kicked raph smirk emoji from the chat!

donatello period: wow this is fun

bootyshaker9000: right?

bootyshaker9000: we will rule this groupchat i think!

bootyshaker9000: mfkas will FEAR US

fearless leader sad face: oh are we in our communist era

donatello period: YOURE ONE TO TALK ABOUT COMMUNISM LEO

donatello period: storytime leo had us patrolling the other day. right right nothing out of the ordinary

donatello period: and then. we ran into two of our evil villains right.

donatello period: bebop and rocksteady

apes: what kind of fucking names

mikey is sexy as hell: I MADE THEM. SHUT UP APRIL

casey jones best man on earth: bigboob and peesteady

donatello period: casey please shut up 

donatello period: anyway this turtle pulled a sensei moment on us and TRIED TO GROUND US BECAUSE WE WERE JUST GOOFING OFF THE ENTIRE TIME

donatello period: leo. I am tired of fighting warthogs. And rhinos

donatello period: i would like a normal life

donatello period: i am renouncing my ninja life

mikey is sexy as hell: THAT MAKES TWO OF US

mikey is sexy as hell: im too old for this shit

fearless leader sad face: last week shredder came back btw

cassiejones: AGAIN??? 

apes: wtf didn’t yall kill him like five times

casey jones best man on earth: yeah we DID but he got resurrected. 

casey jones best man on earth: by an evil demon necromancer dilf looking mfka

casey jones best man on earth: it was not fun i don’t recommend

bootyshaker9000: why are our lives like this

bootyshaker9000: nightmare material

mikey is sexy as hell: worms. and hippos. that is what you fight on a daily basis

bootyshaker9000: SHUT UP you know what i mean

mikey is sexy as hell: oh uh

mikey is sexy as hell: did draxum ever come back

bootyshaker9000: actually yeah he did

cassiejones: was it last month?

apes: yeah i think so 

apes: he apologized and everything and splinter was so moved he literally collapsed on the spot

bootyshaker9000: they’re...uh

bootyshaker9000: i dont want to say dating i wont say dating  its still so weird to me i will not call draxum my father 

bootyshaker9000: there is a line and it has been obliterated

cassiejones: they’re dating.

bootyshaker9000: im leaving earth i hear venus is nice this time of year

mikey is sexy as hell: im glad that shit worked out for yall(?)

cassiejones: draxum told us that if we ever saw you guys again we should tell you that he says ‘thank you’ and that he really needed to hold himself accountable

mikey is sexy as hell: yeah lol i still could’ve handled the entire situation a little better though

bootyshaker9000: don’t worry about it he kept saying he needed to hear it 

bootyshaker9000: oh fuck my brothers are ganging up on me hold on

bootyshaker9000 added neon-leon, raphael, and michaelsplinterson to the chat!

bootyshaker9000: ok i added you back. shut the fuck up all 3 of you

michaelsplinterson: that’s mean :(

neon-leon: you actually fucking suck

raphael: leo don’t say that to your brother!

raphael: im kidding lol donnie suck it

fearless leader sad face: so true suck it donnie

fearless leader sad face: my donnie

donatello period: YOU shut the fuck up leonardo i don’t care if you’re leader

donatello period: i still have admin rights

fearless leader sad face: you still suck

fearless leader sad face: i’ll just host a ten hour training session what will you do. nothing.

mikey is sexy as hell: NOT THE MEDITATION FUCK YALL IM OUT

donatello period added raph smirk emoji to the chat!

raph smirk emoji: why did you add me back i was having so much fun not being in this hellhole

raph smirk emoji left the chat!

donatello period added raph smirk emoji to the chat!

donatello period: stop

raph smirk emoji: no

raph smirk emoji left the chat!

donatello period added raph smirk emoji to the chat!

raph smirk emoji: i finished writing your obituary

donatello period: what does it say

raph smirk emoji: you're dead

donatello period: WHAT?!##t%@#@#@!\

raph smirk emoji left the chat!

donatello period added raph smirk emoji to the chat!

donatello period: can you stop

raph smirk emoji: im going to kill you

neon-leon: yes we know raph we’ve been over this

neon-leon: anyway when are we meeting up again it’s been decades

bootyshaker9000: its been approximately 90 days

neon-leon: you are so annoying to me

bootyshaker9000: LITERALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP

neon-leon: anyway smoothly ignoring my idiot brother

michaelsplinterson: that was not smooth at all

neon-leon: ANYWAY ignoring my idiot brothers

neon-leon: when question mark heart emoji smirk emoji?! 

fearless leader sad face: this weekend?

neon-leon: ??

apes: im free!

cassiejones: ok

casey jones best man on earth: CASSIE WE’RE GONNA REUNITE 

cassiejones: I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU

casey jones best man on earth: SAME HOLY SHIT

fearless leader sad emoji: casey pm me

casey jones best man on earth: kay sexy

neon-leon: ‘kay sexy’?

white april lol: casey and leo are dating

neon-leon: HOLY DICK BALLS ARE U FR?!

white april lol: YESSSS CASEY TOLD HIM AS SOON AS WE GOT HOME

apes: april 

apes: what about shini

white april lol: dots...

white april lol:  you see

white april lol: i WAS gonna tell her and 

apes: you didn’t tell her. 

white april lol: . 

apes: APRIL O NEIL

white april lol: I AM SORRY FOR FREEZING UP EVERY SINGLE TIME!

neon-leon: GIRL WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

white april lol: SHUT UP OKATY ITS NOT MY FAUILT I LITERALLY CANT SPEAK AROUND HER

donatello period: me at 15

white april lol: PERSONALLY I DONT WANT TO HEAR A WORD OUT OF YOU RIGHT NOW DONATELLO!

donatello period: do you know how much i hate this woman. she and shini could’ve been in an actual relationship by now. but april won’t confess its driving me insane

white april lol: i fucking hate it here

apes: as soon as i get there it’s all over

raph smirk emoji: just fucking wait until we get all of us in ONE room. PLUS karai and shini 

mikey is sexy as hell: im scared already 

mikey is sexy as hell: oh yall are not gonna like our lair its lame af compared to yours

casey jones best man on earth: its cool 

mikey is sexy as hell: casey its dark as FUCK 

mikey is sexy as hell: ugly as hell too...just threw up in my mouth

michaelsplinterson: we still have so many lights cassie bought so many after we lost lair numero uno

michaelsplinterson: we’ll just help you lighten it up :D

fearless leader sad face: mikey you’re a godsend

michaelsplinterson: i try :,)

neon-leon: we’ll pop around late friday and leave sunday?

fearless leader sad face: yeah that’ll be great! hold on i’m gonna save your numbers as actual contacts

donatello period: wait me too

donatello period: donnie answer your texts we need to talk about your portal

donatello period: AND SHELLDON??

donatello period: DO YOU KNOW HOW NICE IT IS HAVING LIKE. a little baby

donatello period: that's my child

mikey is sexy as hell: he goes all starry eyed everytime shelldon flies in the room it’s adorable

raph smirk emoji: sickeningly adorable

donatello period: oh and the staff... so cool

donatello period: no offense actually full offense wooden bo staffs suck so much

donatello period: i can play MUSIC FROM SPOTIFY WHILE I BEAT THINGS UP

neon-leon: NOT THE SPOTIFY MUSIC DURING BATTLE

neon-leon: donnie plays the percy jackson musical just to piss us off

bootyshaker9000: and it works! payback for you attempting to drown me in the fountain. sick as hell i wont ever get over that

neon-leon: ITS BEEN APPROXIMATELY 90 DAYS CAN YOU LET IT GO ALREADY

bootyshaker9000 kicked neon-leon from the chat!

bootyshaker9000: my eye is twitchingi fear i am about to strangle something! goodbye forever leon 

casey jones best man on earth: rip to leo hamato our fallen warrior

mikey is sexy as hell: who else is tearing up right now i am so emotional

Chapter Text

neon-leon: JUST A LITTLE BIT OF YOURRR HEART

neon-leon: JUST A LITTLE BIT OF YOUR HEART IS ALL I MM M ASSKING FORRRRRR AAAHAHAHHH HHHH AAA U HAHH 

raphael: what are you doing  

michaelsplinterson: whats going

michaelsplinterson: DONNIE HES DOING IT AGAIN

neon-leon: shut up mikey ill kill you im a fool for youuuuuuu JUST A LITTLE BIT OF YOUR HEARRTTTT 

neon-leon: ITS ALL IM ASKING GGG FORR1!!

casey jones best man on earth: Oh he's bringing out the sad ariana grande songs from 2014

casey jones best man on earth: that's sick. can we get drunk tonight btw  get lost in the sauce

michaelsplinterson: ABSOLUTELY

raphael: NOT. there are children in this groupchat

michaelsplinterson: as a fourteen year old im literally an adult

raphael: that doesn’t even make sense you’re an actual child

raphael: and also you’re like four mentally so definitely not

michaelsplinterson: you’re last on the favorite brother list

raphael: . you’re telling me leo and donnie are above me

michaelsplinterson: oh that's a good point

neon-leon: hey whats thats supposed to meanI KNOW IM NOT YOUR ONLY but at least im one iheard a little love is better than none

michaelsplinterson: leo shut the frick up

neon-leon: FRICK??? what is this 2nd grade

michaelsplinterson: autocorrect corrected my message

michaelsplinterson: shut your fucking ass up before i come to your room and kill your egotistical bitchass . inverted alien looking ass green PENIS

mikey is sexy as hell: INCVERTED ALIEN LOOKGN GREN PENISS I CHALKED ON SMY SPIT 

michaelsplinterson: :)

neon-leon: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??? PICK ON LEO DAY???

michaelsplinterson: yes actually every friday is pick on leo day

neon-leon: since when.

michaelsplinterson: since forever donnie agrees with me

michaelsplinterson: and usually donnie is the bane of my existence

michaelsplinterson: but today he's on my side

mikey is sexy as hell: does this happen daily in yalls priv gc

raphael: unfortunately yes 

bootyshaker9000: i was summoned

michaelsplinterson: you’re about three minutes too late leo’s been sending ariana lyrics in the gc 

bootyshaker9000: say no more

bootyshaker9000 has ended the groupchat!

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bootyshaker9000 has made a groupchat!

bootyshaker9000 added neon-leon, michaelsplinterson, raphael, apes, cassiejones, fearless leader sad face, mikey is sexy as hell, white april lol, raph smirk emoji, donatello period, and casey jones best man on earth to the chat!

bootyshaker9000: i accidentally deleted it

neon-leon: YOU FUCKING MORON

casey jones best man on earth: STOPSD O JUST SLAPPED MY THKGIGH IM ON THE FLOOR

neon-leon changed the groupchat to cottage cheese has more braincells then donnie!

bootyshaker9000: you used the wrong ‘than’

neon-leon: STOP I HATE YOU ASO MUCH

mikey is sexy as hell: I CANT BRETKJE

fearless leader sad face: whats going on

casey jones best man on earth: COTTAGE CHEESE HAS MORE BRAINDJCLES

casey jones best man on earth: oh hey sexy

fearless leader sad face: hello casey :)

michaelsplinterson: go kiss somewhere else vomits

neon-leon: im going to STAB YOU DONNDIE

bootyshaker9000 kicked neon-leon from the chat!

bootyshaker9000: fucking finally

michaelsplinterson: i love you donnie

bootyshaker9000: i am a robot i dont show affection

michaelsplinterson: ok fine be emo i dont care

raphael: i swear im the only mentally stable one out of all four of us

bootyshaker9000: you were scared of a STUFFED ANIMAL

raphael: need i remind you that it was not a stuffed animal and it housed the soul of a fucking maniac that tried to kill us

bootyshaker9000: IT WAS SOFT AND FLUFFY

raphael: IT LITERALLY TIED YOU UP???

raphael: WHAT KIND OF FREAKY SHIT ARE YOU INTO

mikey is sexy as hell: do i even want to know the context

michaelsplinterson: no please don’t ask

casey jones best man on earth: you got tied up by … a stuffed animal

michaelsplinterson: what the hell did i just say

casey jones best man on earth: okay mikey 2018 universe!

michaelsplinterson: donnie can you kick him out too

casey jones best man on earth: i want to hear this story do not kick me oiut

raphael: actually it isnt much of a story

bootyshaker9000: bullshit 

apes: hi whats going on oh my god i fucking love this story

raphael: this was the WORST time for you to show up

apes: so basically i was hired to play in this cable show thingy it was awful the guy directing it was racist 

raphael: no wait

michaelsplinterson: what.

bootyshaker9000: me when i cause a homicide

casey jones best man on earth: no because lets talk about that what the actual fuck

apes: its okay i was only there for the paycheck and i tried to ignore it because i didnt wanna cause a scene 

mikey is sexy as hell: THAT DOES NOT MAKE IT OKAY? WHAT!

raphael: why did you not. Tell us

apes: well

bootyshaker9000: april

apes: i just shrugged it off and tried to forget about it honest! plus i got to come home and be w yall so it didnt really matter

michaelsplinterson: love you so so much please tell us next time

raphael: im so sorry you had to go through that

apes: thank you

apes: love yall too wtf not me tearing up

casey jones best man on earth: whats his name and addy he's first on the list

michaelsplinterson: THE LIST?/

casey jones best man on earth: yes the first ones to die. 

casey jones best man on earth: we strike at 

casey jones best man on earth: uh whenever we meet up in your universe again

bootyshaker9000: i can only handle all of us together for one weekend at a time. we have to wait another 90 days after this weekend

casey jones best man on earth: so true of you donatello 

michaelsplinterson: ANOTHER 90 days??? 

apes: has anyone ever told you you act EXACTLY like your counterpart

apes: i mean april and i are similar but yall act the exact same

casey jones best man on earth: we are insane i won't lie

apes: ?!

apes: aANNYWAY i was on the show right and like there was this puppet thingy which was this ugly ass stuffed rabbit. and raph was fucking terrified of it lol im still so hysterical thinking aboutthis

raphael: anyway sgebrings it home they make fun of me for like ten minutes haha raph is scared of the bunny that's so funny and not traumatizing it was FUCKING ALIVE I TOLD YOU AND YOU DIDNT BELIEVE ME case closed end of the story can we move on

apes: ignore him he hates it when we tell people this story its so funny

raphael: yeah im laughing so hard right now

apes: i bring it back to the lair we prank raph with it and then it steals raphs sandwich so he freaks the fuck out but no one believes him. Because its a puppet. and then it tells him that OUR screams cause it to like. grow. lamest fucking plot ever lol

michaelsplinterson: APRILDS

michaelsplinterson: so then raph runs to come find me but it gets april. and THEN IT GOES TO DONNIES LAB AND CUTS THE HEAD OFF HIS UGLY ASS TITANIUM BUST

bootyshaker9000: do you know how long i SPENT ON THAT

michaelsplinterson: dont know dont care your name is literally bootyshaker9000 you dont get an opinion

bootyshaker9000 kicked michaelsplinterson from the chat!

raphael: you cant keep kicking everyone who insults you out, donnie. remember what we talked about

bootyshaker9000 kicked raphael from the chat!

bootyshaker9000: i cant stop kicking my brothers out i cant STOP they just make my blood boil so bad i want to strangle them i want to grate them. like yknow how you have the shredding thing to shred cheese. just imagine leos face there instead of the cheese

bootyshaker9000: literal bliss

bootyshaker9000: besides world peace all i want for my bday next year is a manual rotary cheese grater god if you’re up there please just give me that and i’ll call it even for the trauma

mikey is sexy as hell: OH KMY GOD SHUTTHE HELL UP IM LAUGHNG WHY ARE YOU SO FUNNY 

bootyshaker9000: because i am the funniest of all my family everyone agrees with me too leo and raph and mikey and april and cassie and splinter all voted im the funniest in our yearly ‘who is funniest poll’

apes: we actually did not do that but

bootyshaker9000: SHUT UTP

bootyshaker9000 kicked apes from the chat!

bootyshaker9000: cassie i AM watching you

casey jones best man on earth: don’t you DARE KICK HEROUT ILL KILL YOU

bootyshaker9000: YOU CANT KILL ME IM A MINOR AND NEURODIVERGENT

casey jones best man on earth: I DONT CARE ILL STILL THROW YOUR ASS OFF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE

bootyshaker9000: THATS ILLEGAL

casey jones best man on earth: YOUR EXISTENCE IS LITERALYL ILLEGAL DONT TELL ME WHAT IS AND HW2ATS NOT ILLEGAL

bootyshaker9000: FUCK YOU

casey jones best man on earth: YOU CANT SAY THAT YOU’RE A MINOR

bootyshaker9000: OHJ MY FUCKIGNG GOD ok good point you got me there

mikey is sexy as hell: its on like donkey kong

fearless leader sad face: i leave for five minutes

mikey is sexy as hell: Yeah, I'm married. Does it matter? You'd do that for me? Really? Yeah, I'd like that.  Who are you talking to?  It's Jake from State Farm. Sounds like a really good deal. Jake from State Farm, at 3:00 in the morning? Who is this? It's Jake…from State Farm. What are you wearing, “Jake from State Farm?”  Ahhh…Khakis. She sounds hideous. Well, she's a guy, so— Another reason more people stay with State Farm. Get to a better state.

fearless leader sad face: mikey

bootyshaker9000: NOW WHAT THE HELL

casey jones best man on earth: ‘well shes a guy so’ are we getting gay representation in 2011

fearless leader sad face: GAY REPRESENTSITON?/??

cassiejones: what is jappening

mikey is sexy as hell: we’re now discussing the highs and lows of state farm commercials from 2011

cassiejones: and...wheres everyone else

bootyshaker9000: gone they dropped off the face of the planet

cassiejones: that makes perfect sense thanks for explaining 

cassiejones: hi casey 

casey jones best man on earth: HEY CASEY

cassiejones: :D

fearless leader sad face: anyway so looking into the lore of this commercial 

bootyshaker9000: THE LORE/?? ITS FIFTEEN SECONDS

fearless leader sad face: do gay people wear khakis

bootyshaker9000: i dunno lets ask leo

bootyshaker9000 added neon-leon to the chat!

bootyshaker9000: hey quick question

neon-leon: what

bootyshaker9000: do you wear khakis

neon-leon: what??

bootyshaker9000: thanks for the help

bootyshaker9000 kicked neon-leon from the chat!

mikey is sexy as hell: HE DIDNT EVEN ANSWER YES OR NO??

bootyshaker9000: okay true but i hate leo

bootyshaker9000: but you are right i need more evidence

bootyshaker9000: BRING IN MORE GAY PEOPLE

bootyshaker9000 added apes to the chat!

bootyshaker9000: hey april sorry for kicking you out i love you anyway do you wear khakis

apes: is this about the state farm commercial

casey jones best man on earth: how did you know

apes: educated guess

fearless leader sad emoji: what 

apes: the entire state farm fandom headcannons jake as gay

mikey is sexy as hell: STATE FARM FANODMSKFLMES

bootyshaker9000: please tell me you’re joking

apes: god i wish

bootyshaker9000: im joining the fuck out ofthis fandom bee tee double you

apes: only gay people wear khakis btw

apes: and niall horan i guess

apes: oh no

cassiejones: IS NIALL HORAN GAY

casey jones best man on earth: this conversation is just one revelation after another

fearless leader sad emoji: niall horan plays golf right

mikey is sexy as hell: is golf is a gay sport?!

donatello period: what is going on

mikey is sexy as hell: okay so google agrees golf is gay

apes: but wait no presidents go golfing all the time and they’re cishet 

bootyshaker9000: trump went golfing at least 200 times in all of his time as president he actually broke eisenhower’s record

casey jones best man on earth: donald trump baby is there anything you’d like to tell us

bootyshaker9000: i KNEW my trump x biden fanfiction would come in handy one day

mikey is sexy as hell: BIDEN X TRUMP FANCIFCITON

bootyshaker9000: picture this: enemies to lovers 9990k word fic. it all ends when biden convinces trump to take off the spray tan

fearless leader sad emoji: i just burst into tears

donatello period: WHAT is going on

apes: so we are all in agreement that everyone who plays golf. even the presidents. are gay

casey jones best man on earth: yea. niall horan is definately gay

casey jones best man on earth: man plays golf and wears khakis

mikey is sexy as hell: NO GUYS ACCORDING TO TOP TEN CELEBRITY GOLFERS ON GOLF-MONTHLY DOT COM DOT UK JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE PLAYS GOLF

cassiejones: BUT JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE IS LIKE THE STRAIGHTEST GUY IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND?@e!1231

mikey is sexy as hell: I KNOW FUCK. OUR THEORY IS RUINED

bootyshaker9000: you both are forgetting the infamous ‘can't stop the feeling’ song from 2016. 

bootyshaker9000: it was in the dreamworks movie trolls. justin timberlake voiced the annoying little one

casey jones best man on earth: which one they were all little and annoying

bootyshaker9000: the one that said singing killed his grandma

casey jones best man on earth: OH I KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT

casey jones best man on earth: but what does that have to do with

bootyshaker9000: trolls and the sequel were so obviously queer coded 

bootyshaker9000: the rainbows. the ‘just be yourself’ annoying ass cat poster mantra

casey jones best man on earth: so ur saying…

casey jones best man on earth: if justin timberlake was in it…

bootyshaker9000: yes, casey.

bootyshaker9000: he’s gay

mikey is sexy as hell: what the FUCK

apes: the leaps we’re going to push this narrative is so fucking funny to me

casey jones best man on earth: my whole life is a lie

donatello period: life crisis out of the way are yall ready for tonight

white april lol: HIIIIII

apes: HI APRIL!!

white april lol: HI FAV

white april lol: also yes i am so ready for tonight!! one and a half days of absolute chaos

raph smirk emoji: i am not ready

donatello period: that’s not suprising

raph smirk emoji: shut up donatello

donatello period: its always ‘shut up donatello’ and never ‘im sorry donatello i know you’re admin of this groupchat therefore you have the power to make my life hell’

raph smirk emoji: the worst you can do is kick me out

bootyshaker9000: yeah no

bootyshaker9000 changed raph smirk emoji’s name to little bitch

little bitch: WHAT THR FUCK

little bitch: CHANGE IT BACK

donatello period: DONNIE MY COUNTERPART MY OTHER HALF MY LITERAL SOULMATE AMORE MIOOO

bootyshaker9000: i love you more than my siblings

donatello period: me too

mikey is sexy as hell: wow there is no need to be painfully honest or anything

cassiejones: wait shouldn’t we pack

apes: i forgot lol

bootyshaker9000: GOD DAMN IT CASSIE I WAS SAVING THAT FOR THE LAST MINUTE

--

“God, I hate packing,” Leo stumbles into Donnie’s lab, carrying a bulky backpack over one shoulder and taking a seat in one of the spinny desk chairs. Donnie sends him a tired look and holds out his coffee mug. “You’re not serious?” Donnie continues to stare at him, quirking an eyeridge for effect. “God damn you really are serious,” Leo takes the mug from Donnie’s outstretched fingers and takes a sip, scrunching his face up dramatically. “And this is disgusting.” 

You’re so dramatic. Donnie signs with a sigh, holding a hand out for the mug, but Leo curls it protectively to his chest. 

“I said it was disgusting but it’ll keep me awake, so…” Leo takes another sip of it and scrunches his face up again obnoxiously. Donnie rolls his eyes and turns back to the monitor, messing around with one of his files before giving up on it completely, thunking his head to the desk miserably. Leo’s eyes widen and he sets the mug down on the first flat surface he could place with his hands, wheeling over to his twin. “Are you good orrrr—"

No. Donnie signs in a flurry of movement. Leo rolls his eyes, not that Donnie could see since he was still facedown against the desk. “D’you wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

No. Donnie signs again. Then he peels his face up. He slowly pulls himself upwards so he was leaning against the back of his chair. Quickly he starts signing—too quickly, frantically, like he didn’t want Leo to discern what he was saying. He caught a couple words anyway. Scared. Nervewracking. Anxious. Not very happy words, regardless. Leo reaches across the desk and grabs an arm—not tightly, so Donnie could pull away if he wanted to, but it stopped the frantic signing. “Bad idea, then. Let’s just...sign together, okay? Slowly. Is it about tonight?”

Donnie hesitates, and Leo lets his arm go. His twin nods, so Leo nods too. Okay, so he was anxious about traveling between dimensions. You want to see our counterparts still, right? This isn’t about them? Leo asks, and Donnie nods again.

Not about them. Just about...getting there. Worried we won’t be able to get back.

Oh. This makes more sense. Doesn’t their Donnie have a portal, too? 

He told me he’d built one. I trust him, of course, just...we’d be the ones traveling back through it on Monday, and—just worried so I kept doing the math to see if we’d be able to get home alright and it turns out correct but what if—

Leo raises a hand to cut him off. What if something goes wrong, yeah? You’re worried about the risk we’re taking by jumping into their portal? How d’you think they felt when they were here three months ago? 

Donnie looks down abashedly at his desk, not willing to answer. Leo sighs, not unkindly, and crooks his elbow out acutely, his third finger sticking up while his other two pressed down flat against his hand. Donnie looks up at the movement, eyes narrow. “Listen, I...I know I fuck up on a lot of things. Being leader. And maybe we don’t always get along eye-to-eye, either. But I trust you, and if you trust their Donnie I trust their Donnie, too. I trust he wouldn’t intentionally kill us. Or send us to Antarctica. Or—"

“I get it,” Donnie rolls his eyes, but a slight smile curves his lips. He’s talking. Encouraged, Leo continues. 

“I wouldn’t put the team in danger, either. I promise you that. In fact I pinkie promise that,” he wags his third finger at him invitingly, and Donnie scoffs. “Oh, come on. Pinky promise me, Dee.”

“We don’t have pinky fingers, actually, our third fingers are actually called—"

Leo rolls his eyes in plain sight this time. “Don’t you dare go nerd-mode when I’m trying to be nice. Donatello I will literally kill you just pinky promise me.”

Grumbling, Donnie pinky promises him. After a moment Leo detangles their fingers with a happy little giggle that has Donnie’s composure breaking and him laughing too. Crisis averted. And his brother was smiling again. Maybe Leo wasn’t booksmart but he was a damn genius. He’d have to give his twin a run for his money.

neon-leon - michaelsplinterson, raphael

neon-leon: hey so dee’s having a bit of a moment but he's good. i fixed it i know i am incredible no need to tell me or anything

michaelsplinterson: want a medal

Leo rolls his eyes. Hard.

neon-leon: haha very funny anyway get down here so we can leave im impatient

raphael: we will be right down leader of our team

michaelsplinterson: leADeR oF oUr TeAm

neon-leon: FUCKIBNG BE QUIET

“I hate our siblings,” Leo utters in the silence of the lab. Donnie makes a wordless sound of agreement, and Leo leaves the groupchat with his oldest and youngest sibling and sends two quick texts to his girlfriends. 

neon-leon - apes

neon-leon: april wya

neon-leon - cassiejones

neon-leon: are u ready

cassiejones: yea comin down w april now

neon-leon: OKAY 

Bored, he throws his phone across the room and watches it land on Donnie’s million year old couch that was just...there, in the middle of the room. “Are there cockroaches in that thing,” he asks, and Donnie follows his gaze.

“Probably,” Donnie replies non-committedly. “Doesn’t stop me from conking out on it.”

“No wonder you're in your ostrich arc,” Leo can’t hide his laughter at the look he gets for that remark. “S’true! Your necks all bent at a weird angle.” 

“You are….gonna get slapped in a moment,” Donnie works around a yawn, and Leo just shakes his head fondly as he spins around in the desk chair. Seconds, millenniums, eons later, Raph and Mikey finally enter the room, loaded fully with the absolute essentials.

Like fucking LED lights. Verrrry essential. Leo waves at them as they approach, adorning a sarcastic expression. “Hey look, Dee, honey, the interior designers are here!”

“Shut up and carry this,” Raph drops a backpack—loaded to the goddamn brim, mind you—into Leo’s lap. It crushes his thighs and fuck Raph, honestly. Leo makes a noise you could only describe as a dolphin getting strangled. “Oh, be quiet,” His knight in shining armor rolls his eyes, unsupportive to Leo’s plight. “It's not that heavy.”

“Then why aren’t you carrying it?” Leo whines, readjusting in the chair so the bag wasn’t trapping him to it. “God, what the hell d’you put in this thing? Pick up a stray bowling ball on the way over here?” 

“Wouldn’t you wish,” Mikey sneers, though he’s grinning so he’s kinda ruining the whole ‘bad boy’ image he’s got going for him. “Then you’d get some muscle on those noodle arms.” 

Leo gapes, curling a light lime hand to his chest. Offended wouldn’t even cover it. “I miss when you guys were nice to me.”

“When was the last time we were ever nice to you?” Donnie chimes in from his little desk. Back to work, sketching out schematics with a mechanical pencil. He’s got the focus to draw out those little tiny things and make fun of Leo at the same time? Woah, color Leo impressed. 

Impressed and annoyed, because Leo still couldn’t rub his head and his stomach at the same time. “Uhh…” Leo struggles with an answer. “When I stubbed my toe on the door last week after my shower?”

“Correction, Mikey was nice to you, Raph and I were indifferent.” 

“As always,” Leo rolls his eyes. “God, what’s taking April and Cass so long—"

“We’re here. And we brought doughnuts for everyone except Leon.” April and Cassie enter the room as if summoned, each holding a Dunkin-Donut box to their chests complete with twelve inside. Making a total of twenty-four. Two for each of them, if they counted their counterparts in as well. Leo’s mouth is already watering. 

“I take back everything I just said, prommy! Wouldn’t have ridden you both so hard if I knew you were getting us doughnuts.” 

“Uh-huh,” April replies, disbelieving. She’s been growing her hair out like crazy ever since their last battle with the Shredder and the subsequent moving to a new lair fiasco, and when she straightened it out now it touched the small of her back. Today she had it back in a sleek ponytail—and she was pulled out of her regular green tracksuit, yellow undershirt, and leggings and fit into denim overalls with the pants unevenly cut to shorts with a white shirt underneath the slim straps. Hairties adorned both arms.

Cassie on the other hand was in loose sweatpants and a black croptop, a denim jacket pulled over her scarred shoulders. She’d recently gotten her ears and eyebrows pierced - and she’s shaved her head again, only black fuzz layered the top of it at this point. The two of them together looked like they could knock you out with their hands behind their backs. And they were apart of the Hamato Clan, so Leo held no doubt that they could. Grinning, Leo only struggles slightly to move the big ass backpack Raph plopped on him minutes before so he could greet their two closest human friends. “You both look stunning as always. How’re you?”

“Thanks, we’re great,” Cassie places her box next to where Leo’s put Donnie’s coffee mug earlier. “Yourselves?”

“Fantastic, actually, now that you’re here,” Leo winks before clapping dramatically. “Now we can go! Start it up, Dee!” 

“Text them so they know we’re coming,” is all Donnie says in return, but he stands and shortens the distance to the portal, ripping the sheet off it once again. Leo feels the flicker of anticipation in his stomach and goes to retrieve his phone off the couch. He hasn't seen that thing since their counterparts disappeared through it a few months back.

neon-leon - cottage cheese has more braincells THAN donnie!

neon-leon: we’re coming over now!!

fearless leader sad emoji: we’re ready whenever you are :)

casey jones best man on earth: FUCK YEAHHHHHHHHH

“What’d they say?”

“Whenever we’re ready and fuck yeah,” Leo translates. Donnie gives an amused huff and steps back over to a different computer this time, typing in shit that Leo couldn’t make out from where he's situated in the room. “Is there like...a process for this, or..."

“Just stand in front of it,” Donnie explains, raising his eyes from the monitor to look at them. “I’m programming it to deactivate after we leave. It won’t turn on again until we come back.” 

“Okay.” Simple enough. Leo and the rest of his family pick across Donnie’s lab, stopping in front of the rectangular portal with anxiety building up in his own stomach. God, now he semi-understands how Donnie’s felt. “I really hope this works.”

“It’ll work, Leo,” Raph says encouragingly, placing a large hand on his shoulder. “It’ll work.”

“Okay, it’s ready! When I hit the button, the portal’s gonna open—you’ll feel a falling sensation and it’ll be hard to breathe and see for a few seconds, but don’t think about it, just jump through!” Donnie shouts, and Leo feels Mikey shiver next to him. “On the count of three! One, two—" 

Leo doesn’t hear Donnie’s three, because the blinding pink light and the wind in his ears from the portal nearly forces him flat on his back. Without a beat of reluctance Leo grabs Mikey’s hand and pulls his youngest after him, squeezing his eyes shut at the last second. It was cold, and he indeed felt like he was falling for a couple seconds, traveling through a vast and open pinnacle of time and space. The only thing he felt certain of was Mikey’s hand in his and the two weighty backpacks on his shoulders. 

He opens his mouth to scream—maybe in excitement or fear—but just like that it's all over and he’s on a concrete floor. A lab floor. But not Donnie’s lab floor.

Leo looks up and sees Donnie. But not his Donnie. “You made it,” Other-Donnie says, breathing out a heavy sigh of relief, and Leo opens his mouth to reply with a ‘hell yeah we did’ but his tongue feels heavy in his mouth and before he knows it his eyes are rolling towards the back of his head.

So fucking embarrasing. 

Chapter Text

Leon fainting would be something Donnie expected his twin would make fun of him for, but his counterpart does none of that. Donald’s the first to his brothers’ side, the rest of his family not far behind. Donnie and his team sans April stick back, exchanging glances at how quickly they jumped into action. “He’s okay, I think.” April pushes her red bangs out of her eyes—she still stubbornly refused to get a haircut—to crouch in front of Leon’s face, reaching a hand out and placing it against his lime green skin. “He just fainted, but he should be good."

“Why'd he faint?” Raph—the other, taller Raph asks. “He had a goddamn-portal-making-sword back home.”

“My guess is that it’s another underlying factor,” Donnie breaks in, crouching next to April. “Stress, maybe. Is he doing okay?”

Leon chooses that moment to peel his eyes open, blinking up dazedly at all of them. “Wow, some party we’re having on the floor, eh?” he chuckles, then winces, clutching at his head. He gets out a gritted: “Kay, I like you all, but not this much. Can you all back up?”

Obediently everyone backs up as Leon pulls himself into a sitting position. “Sorry bout’ that, dunno what happened with my head there, I just—“ he cuts himself off, looking like he knew exactly what was happening with his head. “Ignore me, I’m fine,” he pulls himself to his feet, clearly wanting to be out of the spotlight. Which is extremely out of character for Leo’s counterpart.

“Leon—"

“I’m fine,” he repeats, weaving past Mikey and Casey and Cassie and Raph to one of Donnie’s desk chairs and sitting down pointedly. “Can we please pretend that never happened.”

“No?” April’s counterpart snorts, her long burgundy-colored hair rivaling Donnie’s ginger best friend. She crosses her arms. “What’s with you, Leon?”

“I—ugh, fine, it’s not a really big thing, but...I’ve been having…” he slumps in the chair, dragging a three-fingered hand down his face dramatically. “Nightmares? About this big pink blob, it sounds so fuckin’ stupid, but—"

“Pink blob?” Leo, Donnie, and April all say at the same time. April a bit more frantically, and Donnie glances at her, immediately recognizing the anxiety. The Kraang nearly ruined her life, multiple times, no wonder she was so worked up. Leon scrunches his eyeridges, muttering the next sentence at his feet.

“Exactly, see, it’s stupid, not a big deal—"

“That’s the Kraang, you dumbass, it’s definitely a big deal,” Raph snaps, tugging at his mask tails in what Donnie can pick up as an anxious tic. Their counterparts blink as Raph turns to Leo. “Shit, shit, Leo, it’s the Kraang."

“I know,” Leo sighs, the happiness of seeing his counterparts diminished on account of the issue that was once again thrusted upon them. Of course they couldn’t even have a normal vacation, or whatever the fuck this even is. “You’re not overreacting. The Kraang are an enemy that we've all faced, same with the Shredder.”

“Joy, new people we have to fight,” Donald pumps his fist sarcastically, and Donnie exchanges a meaningful look with his younger counterpart. At least his sarcasm remained fully operational in a time like this.

“They’re more...aliens, then people,” Casey replies, coming over to stand by Leo. He props an elbow on his boyfriend’s shoulder, grinning tiredly around at all of them. “But yay, you guys are finally fighting the Kraang! Welcome to the club.”

“You aren’t making me feel better,” Leon says from the chair.

“Sorry-bout-it,” Casey says, and Donnie rolls his eyes. Of course Casey—someone Donnie was fondly annoyed owned the label best friend—wouldn’t be able to stay serious about the Kraang. “Listen, they’re shit, but we defeated them in the end, didn’t we? We know a fuck ton about them, if y’all are quick about it they’ll be gone by next week.”

“Our universes have different rules,” Other-April points out. “We know that because of Karai and Splints and y’alls mutagen and Shredder and...like fifty thousand other differences, so...how the fuck do we know if our pink blobs are anything like your pink blobs?”

“I have no idea,” Casey shrugs. “Can we eat doughnuts and figure it out?” he nods enthusiastically towards the Dunkin Donut boxes in both Cassie and April’s hands. “Y’all came here to relax and have fun, we will be doing that. Let’s go, everybody,” he marches out of the room. Leaving the other eleven to follow after him.

“Why are you guys saying y’all, we are from the concrete jungle, city slickers and everything,” Leon grumbles as he stands, following everyone out of Donnie’s lab.

“You literally say ‘y’all’ on a daily basis, shut up,” Donald says, nudging him. Leon nudges him back pointedly. Donnie sighs exasperatedly and leaves his lab. It was nice to have them back, but this weekend was going to be hell. Literal hell.

“You guys live here? What? Why's it so dark?” Michael screams from up ahead, most likely seeing the…flavorless living room. Donnie pinches his nose tiredly. Asking for a normal day around these people would bring him only disappointment, so Donnie doesn’t even try at this point.

“We told you it’d be bad?”

“You didn’t say you were living in New Jersey—"

“This is the New York sewer system, we’re nowhere near New Jersey—"

“This is so ugly. We need to spruce this place up ayyyyy-sap,” Michael draws the last word out, standing in the pit and glaring at the room like he was standing in his own eternal punishment. Donnie doesn’t know whether to feel offended or unnerved that his living room—the same living room, mind you, that he’s been living in for years—would be undergoing some significant changes in the hours that followed.

“Doughnuts first,” Casey and Cassie say together, joined at the hip once again. Donnie sighs and follows the herd as Leo leads them to the kitchen.

“Do you guys have sea salt and vinegar potato chips?” Leon asks suddenly.

“No?” Raph answers, nonplussed as Leo pulls the curtain back and shows their guests into the kitchen. Michael looks around, unimpressed as all hell. Figures. The kitchen is already crowded enough with it's usual six people, so with twelve...Donnie stays out of the chaos, worming onto an uninhabited counter and pressing the tip of his shell and the back of his head against the cabinets. His younger counterpart wastes no time in jumping up next to him.

“Damn it. I was craving them.”

“I thought only pregnant women craved sea salt and vinegar potato chips.”

“With the way he complains over fuckin’ everything you’d figure Leo was a pregnant woman who craved sea salt and vinegar potato chips,” Raphael gripes. Leon’s red markings crumple as he glares at his oldest brother, and Donnie swallows down a snort.

Leon makes a loud groaning noise. “You all suck, and to get that point across I will get first pick of doughnuts and take a chocolate glazed, leaving you all to your unfortunate misery of fighting over the rest of the chocolate doughnuts, because Cassie told the guy to give her random -

“Want a chocolate glazed?” Donald whispers, nudging him, not even waiting for an answer before extending his hand. Donnie takes the doughnut from his counterpart’s forest green fingers, snickering as Donald pulls out yet another chocolate glazed and takes a bite. “What? I refuse to eat any doughnut that doesn’t have chocolate on it.”

“How’d you—"

“—without anyone seeing? I’m not just a ninja, my dear Donatello, I’m also extremely resourceful.”

“You just. You just waited until everyone was distracted with the Kraang conversation in my lab, didn’t you.”

“Indeed,” Donald agrees intelligently. “Cassie never saw it coming.”

“Well,” Donnie holds his doughnut up, clinking Donald’s with it. “Cheers.”

“Why are there two doughnuts missing…oh my god, Donnie—"

“And this is our dojo,” Leo finishes, spreading his arms extravagantly to count for the entire room, including the large ass tree that was just. Sitting there. Leon whistles.

“Wow, flashy. Quick question, though, how the hell did you guys get a tree down here,” he says more than asks. Mikey shrugs.

“It’s been here since before we were born, I think,” he walks over and pats the tree trunk fondly. “I named it Louis XIV.”

Dead silence. “Why would you do that,” April—Leon’s April—says.

“It was either Louis XIV or Prince Philip,” Mikey shrugs again, non-apologetic and nonchalant. “And have you seen Prince Philip? That man has seen better days.”

“He likes to name things,” Casey waves a dismissive hand toward Mikey. “Unsurprising, he’s Mikey.”

“Yeah, but why is there a tree down here,” Leon presses, stepping up to it and examining it from every angle as if it had a secret entrance or trap door. “There must be a reason for it.”

“Dude, it’s a tree,” Mikey moves out of the way as Leon starts inspecting the bark. “Free air, bro.”

Donnie lets out a pronounced snort of exasperation, probably biting back another nerd lecture. Leon’s still not convinced. “What if it’s evil?” he muses conspiratorially.

“I could cut it down,” Donald offers, pulling his bo staff from the holster around his back, raising it a bit higher and pressing a button on the side. In front of their very eyes the staff turns into a whirring chainsaw, trembling in Donald’s grip. Multiple people in the room make startled cries, but Leon just sighs softly, reaching for the hand that was holding the chainsaw and lowering it gently.

“We’ve talked about this, Dee, you can’t just start chainsaw-ing things whenever you want."

“But. Mass destruction,” Donald whines, and Leon nods sympathetically. Being a teenager in this day and age wasn’t nearly as fun if you didn’t get to blow shit up and destroy things.

“M’sure Todd’ll let you deforest the area a bit more when we get back, ‘kay?” Leon looks around at all of them like mad scientist siblings, am i right or am i right? Donald’s chainsaw thankfully turns back into a regular staff and he clinks it to the ground, leveling the tree with a suspicious look. Not that Leon can blame him. What the fuck are trees doing in sewers…

“Anyway,” Leo steps back in, still looking alarmed. He shoots Donald a glance before continuing. “You guys can stay in the living room, only room that’s off limits is Splinter’s,” he points with his head towards a smaller room in the back, doors pulled shut with a walking cane leaning against it. Leon looks back to his counterpart and notices how he doesn’t look at the door for too long, like just by avoiding his gaze he could ignore the subject of his father’s death.

Leon sighs. Here we go again. It’d be harder to get them all to chillax then he originally thought, keeping up the faux everything’s-just-real-fucking-peachy attitude...at least they’ve learned a few things from their time in Leon’s universe. They weren’t still treating each other like complete strangers, thank fucking god.

Nodding to show he agreed to not disrespect their privacy by encroaching in Splinter’s back room, Leon slaps a hand to his older counterpart’s shell. “Let’s decorate, yeah?”

“If you make my home look like a carnival I’m going to kill you,” Leo threatens with a deadpan, exhausted voice, but doesn’t offer any other snide remarks. Leon smirks at the rest of his family. 

“Okay...now,” Michael exhales, and his oldest brother stands slowly. The box turtle digs his feet into his shoulders, leaning forward and laying the last of the lights on the bulging nails the April’s had scoured Donnie’s lab for. Hopping neatly off his brother’s shoulders to the floor, he skips over to the outlet and grins around at the two families. “...Are we ready, you guys?”

“What do we do if it catches on fire,” Michael’s own counterpart sighs, because of course that was an everyday possibility.

Leo glances at his brother. “We evacuate—"

“We fight it, duh,” Casey pulls a hockey stick from over his shoulder, sporting an obnoxious grin and throwing an even more obnoxious wink to his exasperated boyfriend. “Casey Jones ain’t afraid of no fires.”

“Oh my god, actually shut the fuck up and stop talking in the third person, you're so obnoxious.” Donnie hisses, shoving his friend so hard he stumbles. Michael plugs the cord into the outlet, beaming when the entire room just bursts into color. Soft color, of course, fairy lights were very easy on the eyes. He’s determined to have their home be more of a safe space than a bad reminder. They were looking a bit better then when he saw them last, but Michael recognized grief when he could see it.

No one’s throwing punches and no fights have started since they’ve arrived, though, so Michael’s gonna hope that they’re at least a few notches up the totem pole from that weekend a few months back. The weekend where his Donnie’d accidentally portalled them all into his lab.

Yeeeeep, fun times. Really fun times.

Their older counterparts are silent, gazing around the room in what must have been some version of silent awe. The lights were situated to where they wouldn’t get in the way of any sort of sewer parkour, ‘cause Michael loves to play that with Leon (unfortunately Raphael’s too big and Donald’s never in the damn mood to spider-monkey around their lair) and he’s sure with a huge living room like this they must like to play it too. They twinkled in the low light, lighting up the place perfectly, and it looks a fair bit between an old retro diner and a futuristic wonderland.

They’re still awestruck, the lights lighting up their faces in an almost ethereal glow. Like it’s the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen. Michael frowns at that last thought and claps to get their attention. “We brought more lights, you guys, any suggestions?”

Their Donnie’s lab. Their kitchen. Their Leo’s hesitant on their dojo, as if it’d somehow be deprecating their father’s memory by it. But he gives in eventually, watching them string lights around the place with furrowed eyeridges, a ghost of a smile flitting across his face as Leon struggles to untangle the rows of remaining bulbs.

The place is brighter when they’re done; not gloomy or depressing. It looks more like a home than some sort of mortuary, and Michael’s not surprised to see the atmosphere in the place already changing as they walk through the softly lit lair, back to the pit to order pizza, again. Who's suprised!

He remembers reading once, or maybe it was Donnie who told him—lighting affects your mood considerably. Something like...an adequate amount of light improved mood and energy levels, while the opposite contributed to, not surprisingly, depression and other deficiencies in the body. And Michael gets it, really, that they’re ninja mutant turtles. They grew up, reveled, thrived in the darkness. But if the atmosphere in their home changed this drastically just by the lights? Michael’s afraid to find out what else his counterparts have been depriving themselves of. Poor things, traumatized child soldiers who still can’t seem to catch a break.

A small group tears off from the others to go get the pizza from it’s designated drop off spot, a routine Michael’s familiar with since it’s their own, and when they get back Michael takes his few slices and swallows them down happily. The lair is filled with exuberant, happy conversations, catching up and exchanging stories. It’s almost peaceful.

That is, until Leo’s phone rings, and everyone goes deathly silent. It’s shaped like a little turtle, which Michael finds adorable. He and his brothers all had regular, human-modeled phones (with perfect wifi even in different dimensions, Donnie’s brilliant for that!!), so he’s slightly jealous. He thinks Mikey calls it the T-Phone? Anyway, Leo glances over the name on the screen and picks it up, jamming it to the side of his head with anxiety flickering across his face. “Hello?”

“You—shit, he’s back? I thought we’d—oh, of course he got out, I don’t even know what I was expecting. Dee nearly killed him last time,” Leo’s eyes snap to his younger brother’s, and Donnie’s eyes widen, then close, briefly. “We’re kinda in the middle of something, but we can come over? If you want?” Leo tilts his head to the side, listening intently for the answer. “Yeah, they’re here. No, it’s only been a few hours—ah, okay. See you in a few,” Leo pulls the phone down and hangs up, dropping it back to where it perched before. He puts his head in his hands, uttering a pained: “Fucking Vizioso.”

Groaning from their team. “Oh my fucking god,” Raph spits, throwing his hands up. “Again?”

“I thought you put him in jail, Dee!” Casey exclaims, and Donnie sighs exasperatedly.

“We did,” Donnie shoots Leo a pointed look. “You should’ve let me kill him when we had the chance, Leo. I told you the police wouldn’t be able to keep him locked up before someone or something broke him out."

Leo hesitates, then begins, quietly, “Donnie, Dad wouldn’t have wanted us to become murderers—"

“Murder? He was actively coming after us, his mutuant gas put us all at risk, don’t you remember when Mondo and I nearly got vivisected? You’re so hypocritical, we literally watched you kill Shredder—"

“That wasn’t the same thing and you know it,” Leo stands, hissing, and Donnie hisses back, but Leon and Donald get between their two bristling counterparts, shoving them both backwards.

“Stop, don’t do this right now,” Leon warns, easygoing expression completely gone, and he looks so serious Michael can actually see why Splinter put him in charge over Raph. “Chillax, hermanos, y’all can maul eachother later.”

“You just said ‘y’all’,” Donald mutters petulantly.

“Fucking can it, Donnie,” Leon snaps back.

“Who called?” April—redhead April, not his April, asked with narrowed blue eyes, looking vaguely like she already knew the answer, and Leo sighs, bending from the floor to pick his katanas up and slide them neatly into their sheaths.

“Karai,” he says, then turns to his counterpart again, face twisted in a worried grimace. “Our older sister.”

Chapter Text

As soon as Leo starts leading the way towards his sister’s…church? Chapel? Shredder’s past lair? Raphael feels sick. Their universe is so…weird. God, this is all so weird.

There’s no Big Mama or Baron Draxum or yokai populating some secret underground city—hell, the sidewalks up on the street barely have humans walking down the streets—it’s as dark and cold as their lair, and honestly?

Maybe it’s selfish, but Raphael doesn’t envy the turtles that live here.

Karai is their goddamn sister. And she’s their age, not half a million years older. That means they had the opportunity to interact with her whenever they wanted—Raphael ignores the slight twinge of envy at that. The turtles here were no stranger to loss, their Splinter had died by the hands of the Shredder, after all.

It’s strange to think about. After their older counterparts had left back to their dimension a few months back (ninety days back), Raphael had an existential crisis. Leon had told everyone that there were multiple versions of them, not just the one other set they’d had the pleasure of befriending. It’s horrifying as much as it’s interesting—it’s him, but it’s not him.

They shared core aspects of their character—their temper, their brute strength, their desire to protect the ones they care for—but when Raphael looks at the Raph in this universe he’s reminded that they’re two very, very different individuals. So that begs the question—their Splinter is dead, but his own father is alive. His Karai is dead, but they’re about to meet these turtles’ older sister. This…makes him nauseous. He hopes he doesn’t vomit up that pizza from earlier.

He leaps across the rooftops, the others in tow. Briefly he wonders if he should be worried—twelve is hardly a small crowd. But they don’t attract attention from any of the sparse humans dotting the streets below, and no mutant enemies jump out to attack them. Raphael remembers someone saying in the groupchat that they’d wiped out any major threats—except one, apparently.

Don Vizioso sounded like a real piece of work—mutant hater, criminal, mobster. Wonderful. Just the kind of quiet vacation Raphael’s been wanting.

Normal, quiet vacations were apparently impossible when it comes to his family and co. Leon having nightmares of an interdimensional alien species that’s apparently coming to wipe them out? Lord, Raphael needs to not be overthinking. Anxiety is going to turn him into a wreck.

Thankfully Karai’s chapel isn’t that far from where the turtles are staked out, and they come to a halt on the building adjacent, the Leo from this universe holding up a clenched fist as he surveys the quiet streets below. “We’re good, c’mon,” he says, nimbly leaping off the roof. Gritting his teeth, Raphael follows.

April knew Vizioso was a serious threat, but he’s far from the ginger’s mind as she runs quietly, utterly lost in her own thoughts. God, why did they have to go to Karai’s chapel while they were here? Especially her counterpart, who already knew about Shinigami—

None of them have brought it up yet, considering the unforeseen circumstances, but April’s sure it’s only a matter of time before someone asks about her stupid love life, and…yeah, April will probably embarrass herself. Again. She can’t look at either of those two women in the eyes—neither Karai nor Shinigami suspected anything amiss, but it’s only a matter of time until she blows her cover.

She can’t go into the chapel and face them, but she can’t exactly ditch, either. Again, Vizioso is a serious threat, and she hasn’t seen the other April or their counterparts in months. They pause on the roof overlooking Karai’s building, and April anxiously fidgets with the hair pulled back up in her signature ponytail as she fumbles for an excuse to wait outside at the very least, jesus.

She thought she’d finally have her shit together around the time they’d all meet up again, but things had only gotten more complicated since she’d left her younger counterparts’ dimension.

Fuck. Why can’t she be normal and like Donnie back like everyone expected her to when they were younger? It would’ve been so much easier than—god, whatever this is. Being queer sucks sometimes.

Her counterpart, who’d been running silently by her side and marveling at everything her New York had to offer (besides the faint wailing from sirens and the barren streets, it’s very quiet. Which April would gladly take over being invaded for the millionth fucking time) seems to pick up on her anxiety and turns to scrutinize her. “April,” April says, red-rimmed glasses glinting in the dim light as her counterpart considers her. “We needa talk, girl.”

“Oh, definitely,” April agrees, feeling her heart sink. Please don’t ask please don’t ask please don’t ask please don’t ask please don’t ask please don’t ask—

“What’s up with you and Shinigami?”

goddamn itttttttttttttttt

“Nothing,” she says, a little too quickly—April’s eyebrows raise in complete disbelief. But it’s the truth. There isn’t anything going on between the two of them, even though April would do anything—she’d even take down another Technodrome just to say that there was. “Really, there’s nothing going on. And it’s fine. Really.” Maybe if she tells herself that enough times it’ll be true.

Leo scans the dark alleyways, fixates his gaze on that dreaded chapel, and calls an all-clear. Nursing her bottom lip under her teeth, April misses the concerned look her counterpart gives her and follows her leader to the desolate street below, schooling her expression into a cool, unbothered look that betrays none of her racing thoughts. She could do this. It’s fine, it’ll be okay.

“Whatever preconceived ideas you have about our Karai? Forget them,” Donnie advises the other set of turtles and humans, storing his staff in the sheath hung permanently over his gangly shoulders. “Whatever your great-grandmother was like…well. I’d expect our sister to be much different than her.”

Leo nods tightly, glancing quickly at his boyfriend and then to his counterpart, who examines Karai’s chapel with narrowed eyes, vibrant red markings contrasting starkly against his skin. “Let’s go, quickly,” he orders. No one argues this executive decision, following him up the stairs and into the building. April digs her nails into her palm.

Up ahead, Shinigami’s bright laughter breaks the tense silence, and April’s heart twists. Karai says something in return, forever coolly confident in whatever situation she’ll be faced with next, and it’s all April can do to not turn and run right back out into the night.

As they file into the main room, April finds them instantly. They stand in front of what used to be the Shredder’s throne, tall and unfaltering and clad in all black as they gaze down at the turtles and humans filing steadily inside. April’s breath catches in her throat—the sight before her never ceases to make her hurt any less.

The two women standing before her are holding hands.

Casey digs Karai and Shini—sure, he’d kissed Karai that one time and got poisoned, like, way back, and Shini had first been a thorn in their sides before she’d become their allies, but now? Yeah, they’re fam.

“Hey, ladies, wassup,” he says, and Karai gifts him with an unimpressed look. Leo, at his side, sighs long-sufferingly, but Casey just grins. Banter better break whatever weird funk everyone’s been in since they’ve found out that Vizioso asshat’s back—they always win in the end, don’t they? Sure, there’s been some…extremely close calls, but hey. Twelve’s better than six, and with Karai and Shini involved they could literally accomplish anything.

“I’m still disappointed there’s no alternate Shinigami,” Shini murmurs with a frown, tilting her head at a slight angle to consider the beings alien to this dimension. “We’d have much to talk about.”

“Yeah, well,” Karai says through a resigned sigh, “Maybe their Shinigami is dead, too.”

“Reassuring,” Shini bemoans, though she’s still smiling. “Always such a downer, Senpai. Maybe we were lovers in that dimension, too?”

April clears her throat loudly, and Casey resists the urge to wince sympathetically. God, he needs to get his best friend to open up about her crush one of these days—she still won’t fucking budge, and it’s been more than a month since Karai and Shinigami got together. Karai and Shinigami both look towards April, and Shini opens her mouth like she’s about to say something, but Raph gets there first.

“Heard that the Vizioso prick is back, can we hurry this conversation up so we can kill him?” Raph grips his sais tighter in true Raphael fashion, and Karai nods curtly, straightening up to address the entire room.

“Assuming that my family’s filled you in on who Don Vizioso is,” Karai begins with a wicked smile, “who here would like to get some revenge on a criminal who’s done nothing but threaten the future of the mutants in this city?”

The plan is simple. Vizioso is at his old dig, the place Leo and Donnie had ambushed him before—so they’d sneak in, dispatch whatever enemies litter the place, and take him out. And when Casey says “take him out” it’s not a let’s throw him in jail and hope the prison system actually does what it’s supposed to do. Donnie’s requested to impale him on his naginata blade. And despite protests (primarily from Casey’s boyfriend), his request has been approved.

Their counterparts’ expressions are the most interesting of all—they’re filled with trepidation and nerves—and Casey could understand that. Even his own counterpart had been spared from the gruesome reality that he and his family had bore witness too over the years.

The furious gleam in Donnie's mahogany eyes almost makes Casey shiver. He’s glad he’s on the right side of this fight—with his family, their counterparts, and Karai and Shini? Vizioso has no idea of the united front he’s up against. He and his posse are so fucking screwed.

Casey allows himself a dark smile as he follows the crowd back out of the chapel, ready for this night to truly begin.