Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

world destruction

gon: okay i have a question

leorio: oh god

gon: if i were to-hypothetically- own 7 exact copies of the same outfit and wore a different one every day 

gon: would that still be wearing the same outfit every day

gon: hypothetically

kurapika: ig not

gon: HA

gon: SEE KILLUA? I DONT WEAR THE SAME OUTFIT EVERYDAY

killua: MOTHER FUCKER

leorio: YOU OWN 7 COPIES OF THAT OUTFIT?

leorio: THE UGLY GREEN ONE WITH BOOTY SHORTS?? AND NEON GREEN DEMONIAS ???

gon: don’t diss my demonias

killua: did you just say diss

kurapika: did you just use alliteration in a normal conversation 

killua: DID YOU JUST SAY DISS

gon: it was funny and you all know it

killua: i will strangle you next time you say diss

gon: do it pussy

killua:

killua: sobs

hisoka: y’all 

kurapika: stupid fucking clown bitch i will punch you

hisoka: I DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHIYN YET???

kurapika: i know

hisoka: okay so what i was going to say-

hisoka: was that i just bought a whole cat

kurapika: why

gon: can i have it

kurapika: no it probably got a disease from hisoka 

killua: IM YELLIGJFJFJ

leorio: what did you name it

hisoka: his name is brick

kurapika: 

kurapika: brick-

killua: YOU NAMED THE CAT BRICK?

hisoka: yes and he’s very handsome

kurapika: i’m gonna crycfnfn

illumi: hisoka why did you want a cat

hisoka: i got him out of spite

hisoka: also i named him brick out of spite

illumi: elaborate-

hisoka: no

killua: okay it’s time for bed. no more. none of this is happening because in asleep. i do not see because i’m sleeping. good night.

gon: i’m coming over to get brick

killua: i’m coming with you

gon: i thought you were asleep

killua: that was then

gon: that was 7 seconds ago

killua: fine i won’t come with

gon: lol okay loser

killua: bITCH

kurapika: fuck it lets all just go to hisokas house to steal his cat

hisoka: no please don’t steal my cat

hisoka: he’s very precious to me

hisoka: more than illumi 

illumi: bitch

gon: we can eat the cat and say we finally ate a brick 😍

hisoka: i...💔

leorio: okay maybe don’t eat the cat?

gon: stfu i will boil you

kurapika: kinky 😟 ??€8¥[]£¥[¥[

killua: that’s nice

killua: i would’ve named the cat jared tho

hisoka: okay what were not gonna do is criticize brick

killua: i’m not

killua: i’m criticizing you for not naming him jared

hisoka: no cause that’s a j name

hisoka: and j names are always losers

gon: yeah brick isn’t a loser

gon: can i have him

hisoka: NOFJCJC

gon: i’m putting on my neon green demonias rn 

leorio: NOT THE DEMONIAS💔💔

killua: kinda hot ngl 😩😩

illumi: wh-

leorio: cries

hisoka: good

hisoka: cry

leorio: slander 💔

illumi: stfu hisoka your hair looks like a bad case of chemical burn 😟

hisoka: shawty :(((((

illumi: no

gon: so

gon: can i have brick or not

hisoka: BITCH ?? NO ??

hisoka: get your own 😡😡☝️

gon: <\3 

gon: nobody hmu…

gon: #brocken #depreshunn #dhmu 💔💔

killua: wow look what you did hisoka you bitch 🙄🙄

kurapika: cancel hisoka 🙄

leorio: smh hisoka wow 🙄🙄

illumi: i cant believe you shawty 😰 how could you

illumi: just when i thought we had a connection

hisoka: i see how it is 💔💔

gon: you brought this upon yourself and now i will be unlocking my 12th chakra of destruction and wipe the floor with your stupid ass 😡😡

leorio: 12th?? CHAKRA?? OF DESTRUCTION???

killua: kung fu panda kinnie…

illumi: i hate you

killua: why? i’m so sw a g tho..

hisoka: shakes violently in hot pink stolen heels

hisoka: i'm terrified 😟😟🙁🙁😔

kurapika: if we cant steal your stupid ass cat at least have some fucking CLASS to send some pictures you absolute animal

leorio: the indecency is audacious 

gon: agreed, so unruly. 

hisoka: is it hate on hisoka day or sumn...💔💔

hisoka: just for that i’m not gonna send you guys shit 🙄🙄

kurapika: wow not even a fucking crumb

killua: yeah hisoka wtf feed your starving children

illumi: wow thats a new low the bar is on the floor

kurapika: yeah hisoka, just like your moms saggy ass tits

hisoka: STFUWAIDHSJCH

gon: HELPSJXKSXJ

hisoka: it really reflects on a guy about how he treats a mother 🙄

kurapika: good thing i’m not a guy and she’s not my mother 😫

hisoka: cries

illumi: cry harder bitch

gon: so, hee so kah

hisoka: w

hisoka: what

gon: i really want brick

hisoka: when are you gonna stop asking me for my cat

gon: a week to 6 months

hisoka: wHA T

killua: yeah sounds about right😹😹

killua: last year gon got obsessed with neon green

hisoka: isn’t he like

hisoka: still obsessed with it

killua: lol yeah😹😹😹

kurapika: hey leorio

leorio: what🐸

kurapika: i’m going 2 get u >:)

leorio: is this what the school counselors were warning us about

illumi: NKT THE SCHOOL COUNCELORSNCJ

gon: kurapikas a sigh bear bowly confirmed ?!?!!💔💔

kurapika: i can explain😹😹

leorio: it’s too late homie😹😹

kurapika: bro...😹😹

leorio: you can’t be in our group n e more bro😹😹

kurapika: #brocken #dhmu #hmu #emo #streaks💔💔

hisoka: yeah smh #uninvited to my supreme mega sweet 7th birthday bash 

gon: did anyone else ever get sucked into the sides of bouncy houses and fear youd never see rhe light of day again bc you were scared it was gonna tip over and youd be lodged in the void forever or was that just me

killua: are,,, are you okay

hisoka: NO BC SAME

illumi: stares into the distance as salty red tears leak out of my DARK HOLE PITCH BLACK colored orbs and splatter onto my edgy clothes. I shake with pain, 

and it is everybody who is in here’s fault.

hisoka: so… how salty are they exactly 

illumi: theyre as salty as the ocean in which my remaining fucking sanity drowned in 🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍💞💞🥺🥺

hisoka: i dunno shawty that sounds kinda hot

gon: hc that when they fuck hisoka licks illumis tears 😍😍

killua: no bc thats literally canon

kurapika: firstly why are we talking about them fucking and secondly omg hisoillu tear kink confirmed 🙁🙁

illumi: youre paying for my therapy 😟😟

kurapika: no bitch i’m broke asf💯🥶🥶🥶🥶😈😈😈😈💯🥶🥶😈💔🙏🙏🙏

leorio: illumi shawty arent you the rich one or 

illumi: i chose to ignore that

hisoka: be my sugar daddy 🥰🥰😍😍💞💞😈😈

illumi: no

hisoka: heart been broke so many times 💔💔💔💔💔😕😕😕

gon: #betrayal#drama#telenovela#gasp 

killua: top 10 anime betrayals 😨😨

gon: (NOT CLICKBAIT!!!! WAIT TILL THE END FOR A SURPRISE 😨😱)

killua: sponsored by best fiends  

kurapika: remember to like and subscribe 

gon: comment down below !

illumi: die

gon: bitch

gon: sobs and shits everywhere

killua: shawty im not like hisoka i dont have a tear kink

leorio: scat kink probably 😟 coughs t*npa kinnie

Chapter Text

world destruction

killua: just got electrocuted hbu 

gon: oh em gee quorkay

hisoka: FUCKING BRICK

hisoka: HE SHIT IN MY PINK STILETTOS

killua: WHAT

gon: CAN K HAVE HIM NOW

hisoka: nO

illumi: im sobbing what

gon: bitch me too wtf hisoka give me your damn cat.. <\3

hisoka: go to hell

gon: HE SHIT IN YOUR STILETTOS SHOULDNT YOU HATE HIM

hisoka: i have a love hate relatonship with brick 😪

gon: THEN WHY WONT YOU FUCKING GIVE HIM TO ME 

hisoka: out of spite 

gon: 🚫🧱 ….. <\3

killua: stop the brick slander my shawtybae did nothing wrong

hisoka: hE SHIT IN MY FUCKING STILETTOS 

illumi: then clean the FUCKING SHIT OFF THEM??€¥[¥[7£]¥

illumi: dramatic ass bitch

hisoka: no brick needs to do it himself

illumi: HES A FUCKING CAT?? HE DOESNT HAVE HANDS???

hisoka: he can figure it out 🙄

kurapika: he’s self sufficient 🙄🙄☝️

illumi: oh btw y’all

illumi: i’ve have ohemonia 

illumi: pnemonia*

illumi: how do you spell that

illumi: pneumonia

illumi: sighs i’m illiterate

gon: yes, yes you are

gon changed illumis name to illiterate

illiterate: BITCH I WILL DESTROY YOU

gon: lol😹😹😹

killua: illumis just

killua: different 😰😰

illiterate: stfu no

leorio: breeded differently asf 😈😈

killua: layoreo your straight is showing 🙄

leorio: does limp wrist as a counter attack 💅

killua: choses to ignore limp wrist 

leorio: evolves jnto a spiky monster with enormous wings and glowing red eyes with sharp claws to and roars fire at you

killua: uses my newfound powers that i got from being electrocuted to provide a forcefield and bounce fire back at you

leorio: uses fire repellent 15 ft sword to deflect flames to ground and snarls, baring my sharp fangs 😡

illiterate: are we like… not gonna talk about how killua got fucking electrocuted

gon: oh yeah

gon changed killuas name to electricity go brrr

electricity go brr: funky !

gon: asf !

hisoka: cars also go brr..killua is a car confirmed...you also know whos a car? lightning mcqueen. whats lightning mcqueens catchphrase? KACHOW. killuas catchphrase is officially KACHOW…smart en or gee

kurapika: killua kins lightning mcqueen confirmed

gon: im gonna break into killua’s house at 4 am and put my face directly in front of his eyes and start playing KACHOW on loop at max volume for 5 hours hntil he opens his eyes <3

electricity go brr: not if my huge ass dog doesnt eat you first

gon: no bc id escape him bc i am simply different from the rest 🥶🥶😈😈☝️

leorio: gons just,,, quirky,,, and different *cue dramatic face zoom and cliche coming of age movie music*

illiterate: ...michael scott kinnie...coughs

hisoka: hc that illumi kins queen elizabeth

illiterate: explain

hisoka: you j won’t die homie😹😹😹

illiterate: no but that made me wish i would

hisoka: i- 😟💔

hisoka: the slander 😔😰

hisoka: sobs and puts on emo hoodie and runs away crying while my ears and tail droop down 🙁🙁🙁

electricity go brrr: not you kinning feitan 

kurapika: FEITAN FURRY AU?? CANON 😱😱

leorio: 250K hurt/comfort omegaverse porn with plot angst with a happy ending original work background ships original characters cofee shop au

gon: stop the omegaverse thing brings back genetics

gon: wait

gon: IM SOBBING WHYD IT AUTOCORRECT TO THAT

gon: memories**

electricity go brr: g,,, genetics???

kurapika changed gons name to genetic plug

genetic plug: wh

genetic plug: whered plug come from

kurapika: the very deepest part of the ocean of darkness and despair i call my soul

kurapika changed their name to dogcopter

leorio: elaborate

dogcopter: no

genetic plug: ISNT THAT THE BITCH FROM STEVEN UNIVERSENFJF

dogcopter: sobs yeah🦧

leorio: i thought that was gonna be smth ominous pls

hisoka: why did i read fucking steven universe as dog man like the fucking comic where did that even fucking come from

electricity go brr: your sexual fantasies

hisoka: quirky 🥺🥺💞💞🥰🥰

illiterate: hc that hisokas sticky ass cum is shaped like dog man

dogcopter: hisokas...sticky...what..

hisoka: well you see

hisoka changed their name to sticky

sticky: thats all you guys are getting for now

electricity go brr: cries...and shakes violently..🙁🙁🙁

electricity go brr: i was going to ask if we could add alluka but after seeing that..🙁🙁🙁💔

genetic plug: NO WAIT SHAWTY ADD ALLUKA PLS 

genetic plug: SHES THE PLATONIC LOML, MY ULTIMATE SHAWTYBAE, PLS 

electricity go brr: i thought i was your ultimate shawtybae 💔💔

genetic plug: no smh cope with it 🙄🙄🙄 /j

electricity go brr: sobs agressively

electricity go brr: anyways

electricity go brr added alluka 

electricity go brr: hisoka please be a little less

electricity go brr: you

sticky: the slander is unreal 💔

electricity go brr: yeah,,, for good reasons??//??

sticky: guys im 55% sure leorio has a piss kink 

electricity go brr: wh

electricity go brr: oh wait so true have u guys seen pikas golden hair pico kinnie hair ?? it’s dehydrated piss WAIT IS FHAT WHY ITS CALLED GOLDEN SHOWER damn shawty

dogcopter: WHAT DID I JUST

illiterate: girl… 

sticky: wait that makes so much more sense i knew they were into some wejrd shit

genetic plug: YOU ??? LITERALLY ???? DELIBERATELY STOOD IN FRONT ???? OF A BUSY ????? STREET ?????  WITH TRAFFIC SO YOU COULD GET RUN ??? OVER ????

genetic plug: BECAUSE IT “gave u the thrill xd”

genetic plug: this is why u should give brick to me

illiterate: “this is why u should have gone to shiratorizawa”

electricity go brr: YOU DID NOT

sticky: JAHAKAHAJHAJA DESERVED

leorio: girl i went for TWO MINUTES

dogcopter: ok and ?? wow look guys he can count 😩😩😩🌊🌊🌊🌊

leorio: NOT THE TSUNAMI EMOJI 

sticky: get a bucket and a mop for this

illiterate: no

sticky: FUCK BRO BRICK JUST TOOK A WHOLE SHIT ON MY LEG I HATE IT HERE 

electricity go brr: “JAHAKAHAJHAJA DESERVED”

genetic plug: brick has fucking explosive shit wtf

alluka: shawtea who tf is brick

genetic plug: brick is hisokas cat😹😹

alluka: homie...😹😹

alluka: can i maybe😹😹 have him😹😹 and add to my collection😹😹

sticky: ILLUMI

illiterate: what

sticky: HELP

illiterate: alluka you can take his cat

sticky: NONONONO

sticky: I D O N T WANT HER TO TAKE BRICK

alluka: thanks g🐸

sticky: ALLUKA WHAT COLLECTION

alluka: bold of you to assume you had the right to speak

electricity go brr: what collection

alluka: organ collection asf

genetic plug: funky fresh g !

sticky: o

sticky: ORGAN??

alluka: yeah lol🦧 

dogcopter: wowza😹

dogcopter: 😫😫😫

illiterate: those emojis are gonna be the death of me

dogcopter: good /j

genetic plug: OKAY WAIT

genetic plug: WHO THE FUCK

genetic plug: WAS GONNA TELL ME THAT OUR LUNGS ARENT HOLLOW AND THAT WE ACTUAKLY HAVE STUFF INSIDE THEM ??

dogcopter: they fucking WHAT

genetic plug: THE BREATHE BAGS ARENT EMPTY💔💔

alluka: I FEEL SO BETRAYED💔💔💔💔💔

leorio: if it makes you feel any better the human lungs actually have a lot of tiny breathing bags and that’s what they’re made of i think lol

dogcopter: that’s too many bags goodnight

illiterate: it’s 2pm

dogcopter: goodnight to everyone expect illumi

illiterate: bitch?

genetic plug: so we have more bags of breathing???

genetic plug: funky fresh ! 🛹

electricity go brr: your vocabulary consists of funky and brick

genetic plug: 

genetic plug: one day you’ll wake up without your liver😹 /hj

electricity go brr: hj? wym HJ?? ARE YOY GONNA TAKE MY LIVER

genetic plug: haha ! funky !

electricity go brr: gONDJCJ

dogcopter: take his liver and snack on it 🥺🥺💞💞‼️‼️ #goals

sticky: wait so if i stole someones lungs and ate it how would that be since they arent,, hallow,, like now i cant put bbq sauce in them so wtf would i do

illiterate: okay that’s enough-

sticky: its never enough shawty

Chapter Text

world destruction

genetic plug: my brain feels like a discord server that just got hit with an @everyone

alluka: we get it you have adhd🙄🙄🙄✋✋✋✋

electricity go brr: oh that reminds me

electricity go brr: one time i did that with a server that had 100+ people in it just to say someone was a twink😹😹😹

alluka: great ! never do that again !😁😁

genetic plug: funky fresh g !😹

leorio: is that all you say

genetic plug: what, funky fresh?

dogcopter: he’s just jealous that he isn’t funky ! like you are gon

genetic plug: thanks homie😫😫

alluka: i thought i was your homie💔💔💔

genetic plug: cope /j

electricity go brr: ALLUKA YOURE MY HOMIE

alluka: ugh it’s not the same /j

illiterate: i’m no ones homie💔💔💔

sticky: do i not exist to you

illiterate: lol not really🐸

leorio: you look like that emoji

illiterate: a frog?

leorio: yeah

dogcopter: leorios right for once

leorio: WHAYJFCJ

genetic plug: i’d like to announce that i’m so fucking bad at math and i’m failing my math class for the third year in a row💔💔

electricity go brr: mood

dogcopter: do you need help

genetic plug: yeah

genetic plug: help my ass is too fat😹😹😹😹

dogcopter: i’m leaving bye goodnight everyone

leorio: kurapika? going to SLEEP? woah i didn’t know i was HIGH

dogcopter: haha ! i’m just gonna go cry in my bed😁

genetic plug: wait i wanna cry w you too /srs

dogcopter: bet come over homie😫😫😫

genetic plug: omw asf !

leorio: petition for gon to stop using asf

electricity go brr: oh absolutely 

genetic plug: stfu asf

~five minutes later asf~

genetic plug: wait i didn’t mean literally-

genetic plug: y’all are gonna give me a god complex fr😹🛹😹🛹🛹🛹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😁😁✨🍄🍄😉😉🥶🥶🥶🥶🥶👾👾👾👾💯💯💯💯💯😈😈😈😈

sticky: i’m

sticky: WHY ARE THERE SK MANY EMOJIS

genetic plug: cuz I’m just built like that asf 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐🙄🙄🥶🥵🥶🥵🥶

dogcopter: update: still not asleep

leorio: go to sleep whore

dogcopter: i drank 3 monsters over the past hour i don’t think i could even if i tried

leorio: whore

dogcopter: moans😫😫

illiterate: kurapika degradation kink au😹😹😹

dogcopter: oKAY THATS ENOUGH

leorio: THIS HAS HAPPENED SO MANY TIMES

leorio: STOP GIVING PEOPLE KINKSHFJF

illiterate: absolutely fucking not

illiterate: i love watching you suffer😹😹😹😹😹😹

sticky: kinky

illiterate: no. that’s too far. none of this shall involve me. i’m better than all of you. die.

alluka: SHAWTEAS AND BAES I HAVE AN ANOUNCE MEANT

genetic plug: WHAT

alluka sent an attachment

sticky: is that

sticky: IS THAT FUCKING BRICK

alluka: haha ! yeah !

sticky: HOW DID YOU GET HIM

alluka: a magician never reveals their secrets

illiterate: oh my godjcfjcjc

sticky: YOU BROKE INTO MY HOUSE DIDNT YOU

sticky: IM TERRIFIED OF EVERY MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY💔💔💔

electricity go brr: alluka knows how to pick locks

alluka: so anyways i have brick

sticky: GIVE HIM BACK💔💔💔

genetic plug: ALLUKA CAN I COME OVER I WANNA SEE BRICK

alluka: sure 

genetic plug: funky fresh ! i’m omw !

leorio: batshit mf’s….all of you...hartvreak..💔💔

dogcopter: vreak

leorio: shh...shhh

sticky: WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKK

sticky: dumbass hoes left their snap map on

dogcopter: wanna bet if gina wearing his neon green demonias😹

leorio: we can’t bet on something we all think is true

genetic plug: for the record, i’m wearing 

genetic plug: i was gonna correct you but i literally am and i just forgot💔

illiterate: i’m still shook over how alluka used hisokas line against him

alluka: i’m j built different g😈😈

sticky: i don’t wanna remove that horrific moment💔

electricity go brr: it was such a power move that none of us have recovered yet

electricity go brr:

electricity go brr: why is gon banging on the front door

genetic plug: open the fuck up

illiterate: IM SCAREDJFIFI

alluka: wowww you’re scared of a 5 year old? lame

genetic plug: iM NOT 5-

genetic plug: now open the door i wanna see brick

alluka: lol okay

alluka: 

alluka: who the fuck locked my door

illiterate: me bitch

alluka: well unlock it 

illiterate: absolutely fucking not

genetic plug: ugh nvm i’ll just open the door myself

alluka: oh yeha good idea

electricity go brr: HOMIE WHAT THE FUCK💔💔

genetic plug: what

electricity go brr: THE DOOR WAS LOCKED HOW DID YOU GET IN

genetic plug: doritos cool ranch next question

illiterate: gon you are gonna be the death of all of us😁

genetic plug: i know

genetic plug: 

genetic plug: why is hisoka-

sticky: okay what we’re not gonna do is ask questions😹😹

genetic plug: WHY ARE YOU HERE

sticky: I SAID DONT ASKFNFJ

illiterate: sex.

alluka: on second thought thanks for locking my door from the outside

sticky: he’s lying i came here because i ran out of poptarts 

genetic plug: i believe both of those reasons

sticky: no- poptarts-