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The Chronicles of 00800 Dysfunctional Uni Life

Chapter 3: SHotARo Has a SuGaR DaDDy!?!?!?

Summary:

The squad debates about Shotaro's sugar baby agenda which turns into his love life.

Notes:

Renjun - shoulder_gangster  
Karina - friends_with_the_floor
Jeno - jeno_LEEEE
Haechan - fullsun
Jaemin - Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~
Yangyang - thousand_dollar_shoes
Giselle -  simple_is_best
Shotaro - taro_milk_tea

BTW, when Jaemin first talks in the chat, I recommend you read it in a John Mulaney voice.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Chapter 3 - SHotARo Has a SuGaR DaDDy!?!?!?  

 

00600 

Oct,01,09:30pm

 

shoulder_gangster

Has abyone noticed that hyuck has been buying everything for taro?

anyone*

 

jeno_LEEEE

When did u get a lisp?

 

shoulder_gangster

Is that the only thing you paid attention to?

And no

But legit tho

Shotaro just LOOKS at hyuck and then he goes and buys it

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Oh shit

Now that you you mention it

ive noticed it too

You right bro

 

shoulder_gangster

I know im right

Im always right

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

That hoe

Your telling be that shotaro is just getting free shIt from haechan

While im here asking hyuck for TWO DOLLARS
TWO DOLLARS

For a canned coffee

AND HE SAYS NO!!!

 

jeno_LEEEE

That wouldnt have satisfied you anyways

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

I need my supplements jEnO

 

jeno_LEEEE

Yeah yeah  

Also, do you think they are dating?

Haechan and Shotaro 

I mean

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

TARO AND HYUCK??

DATING?!?!?

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Tone down the jealousy yangyang

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

I am NOT jealous

What makes u think im jealous 

Cause im not

 

shoulder_gangster

Fist of all, you are being hella defensive rn

Second of all, we all have eyes 

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Idk what you are talking about

 

jeno_LEEEE

Bruh

Sometime u act like hyuck is like ur only life force 

Like are u a sunflower or something? 

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Hes a good friend 

And the only one that care

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

BITCH WHAT AM I??

WHAT IS SHOTARO TO U??

 

shoulder_gangster

So we dont matter 

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Other than taro

Yes

 

jeno_LEEEE

I thought u would be jealous 

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

I AM NOT JEALOUS 

IM just shocked that they did not mention anything

To US

We are their closest friends!!!

 

shoulder_gangster

Why would they tell us

Its only been 2 weeks

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Probably dont want to ruin our group dynamic

Especially if they do break up later

 

jeno_LEEEE

WAIT

Theres no WAY that haechan is dating shotaro

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

REALLYYY!?!?

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Oh u really switching up on us 

Huh

 

jeno_LEEEE

No im not

Did yall forget about hyucks crush

Thats he has been pinning for like ALMOST 5 years

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

I forgot

But maybe haechan switched up on us 

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Renjun update now

 

shoulder_gangster

Yeah hes not with shota

He still likes [redacted]

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Then WHY did u leads us on like this

You are a horrible person

 

shoulder_gangster

Thanks babe

I like to see u suffer

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

So we can conclude that they aint dating

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

So, Taro just gets free stuff from alot of people??

 

jeno_LEEEE

Yeah

I literally SAW him getting a free slice of cake from the bakery lady 

I GO THERE ALLL THE TIME AND I’VE NEVER GOTTEN FREE CAKE

 

shoulder_gangster

Maybe she just doesnt like you

 

jeno_LEEEE

But i'm one of their VIP customers

I've invested a lot of money in them

I'm like a quarter of their sales

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Is it that cat cafe near campus?

 

jeno_LEEEE

YES!!

What other place would i be talking about?

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Well then it makes sense why she hasn't given u free stuff

She probably knows that you’re just there for the cats

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Wait

I also get free stuff from there

 

shoulder_gangster

What?!?!?

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

YOU????

 

jeno_LEEEE

wHY tho???

 

fullsun

But you ain't that cute?

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

HEy

 

fullsun

I'm just saying 

Compared to shotaro

You just aint it 

 

shoulder_gangster

Oh look whos joined us

The man of the hour 

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Huh?

 

jeno_LEEEE

BEFORE THAT 

WHY THE HELL DOES YANGYANG GET FREE STUFF

FROM MY FAVORITE STORE????

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Oh 

Thats bc chaewon is basically bakery lady’s sister/daughter

And Felix works there

So yeah

 

jeno_LEEEE

I hate you

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Thanks!!

 

shoulder_gangster

Join the club bud

Anyways

Back to matters

Haechan do you have anything to say for yourself?

 

fullsun

Well what can i say

He has charmed me

(like half the people he knows)

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Do you like, like him?

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Weve ALREADY been through this 

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

I dont see the problem with double checking

Renjun isnt the most reliable source

If you coudnt tell

 

shoulder_gangster

HEY

 

jeno_LEEEE

HI!!!! :)

 

fullsun

But don’t we all love shotaro tho?

We woudnt be friends if we didnt like him 

Just saying

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Stop avoiding the question you hoe

You know what i meant

 

fullsun

I do like sweet boys but taro is diabetes

And i do not want to take insulin shots for the rest of my life 

thanks

Like you've mentioned before 

Taro gets free thing from a lot of people 

Heck lucas let him cut in line

 

shoulder_gangster

That is true

He wont let me and we are seeing each other

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Wait 

He actually asked you out??

I thought he was joking

 

shoulder_gangster

Same

 

jeno_LEEEE

So yall dating now?

And you didnt tell US???

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

tHeY’Ve ONly BeEn sEEing eaCHotheR FoR a feW WeeKS

JeN

 

jeno_LEEEE

LUCAS ISNT EVEN PART OF OUR GROUPCHAT!!

wHAT GROUP DYNAMIC WOULD HE BE CHANGING?? 

 

shoulder_gangster

We’re ONLY testing out the waters rn

Im giving him a third chance

The past two dates have been a hot mess

Cuz his friends keep ruining it

One time even yang2 showed up

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

That was a date!?!?!

The whole squad was there

Was i NOT suppose to think it was the chinese association club??

Literally everyone one was there!!

Chenle, kun, winwin, ningning, yuqi, etc…

EVEN SHUHUA 

And she barely attends our meetings

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

GUYS

We are getting off topic AGAIN

This is supposed to be about shotaro’s sugar parent agenda

Good luck tho!

 

fullsun

Ok, my first witness

 

Fullsun adds simple_is_best

 

simple_is_best

Hi

Is this the cult that sho talks about?

Oh,

Hi jeno

 

jeno_LEEEE

So the first person to the stand is giselle

 

simple_is_best

You can ignore me ig

Why am i here tho

No one informed me 

And who added me

Idk the rest of you

Other than jeno and sho

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Damn girl 

You have a lot of questions

And how do you NOT know me 

We see each other every week

 

simple_is_best

Ohhhh

You’re friends w winter’s “bf”

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Yup, thats me baby

And you’re sungchans “gf” dumb friend

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

My baby cousin has a girlfriend??

 

jeno_LEEEE

Its in quotation marks get the hint

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Maybe bc the couple are oblivious of each others feeling

Like seriously jen

Have you never watched a slow-burn k-drama before?

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

its minjeong

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Oh

Nvm then   

 

shoulder_gangster

Now look whose the one getting sidetrack

 

Fullsun and simple_is_best

Oct,01,9:52pm

 

fullsun

So i need backup about the fact shotaro gets free things from a lot of people 

You know aside from me 

Cause i got into this bc of a stupid contract

 

simple_is_best

Soooo

You want me to defend you 

That sho gets stuff from everyone

And that you’re just one of his multiple sugar parents

 

fullsun

Yes thats basically it

Now read just the whole chat so you’re up to date

 

simple_is_best

ThE WholE cHat?

Boi thats more reading than my prof assign me

 

fullsun

LAFHEKGSBN

I MEANT TODAYS CHAT

But u can read previous stuff when your bored

They can be quite entertaining

 

simple_is_best

Okay man

I got chu

 

00600

 

fullsun

Let my witness catch up

And you will see that it isnt just me

Its a normal occurrence

 

simple_is_best

Im caught up

 

shoulder_gangster

Oh wow 

That was quick

 

simple_is_best

Its called ✨skimming✨

And wow

Sho really stepped up his game

Everyone was whipped for him back in Japan

But like wow

 

shoulder_gangster

Who are you, Jaemin?

 

simple_is_best

What?

 

shoulder_gangster

Nvm

 

simple_is_best

Like back in japan people who he was close with 

would give him things that he didnt even ask for

But like here, literal strangers are giving him stuff

 

shoulder_gangster

Idk man that seems unsafe

 

simple_is_best

Tell me about it

I talked to him about stranger danger

But he never listens 

That how he got into this cult in the first place

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

This isnt a cult

Its more like a…

semi frat

 

simple_is_best

Is that any better? 

Like seriously?

 

taro_milk_tea

OMG

I have like 50+ notifications

Whats so interesting?

 

shoulder_gangster

Ah, its the subject of our topic 

 

taro_milk_tea 

Can someone tell me whats happening

I literally just got out of practice

 

simple_is_best

If i was forced to read the entire thing

than you can too sho

 

taro_milk_tea

AERI??

Why are you here??

 

simple_is_best 

Yet again

R E A D MF

 

Oct,01,10:02pm

 

taro_milk_tea

What can I say

Im just sugar baby material

Eunbi, Taeyong and Doyoung are really just nice people   

 

jeno_LEEEE

Who is this Eunbi person?

 

taro_milk_tea

???

The bakery lady??

 

fullsun

Isnt she also part of the dance team??

How do you not know her?

 

jeno_LEEEE

I-

Theres alot of people in the dance team, okay 

Ive just never happened to see her  

 

taro_milk_tea

But we took one of her classes last spring??

A class that SHE was leading??

 

jeno_LEEEE

But back then she had long black hair

I didn’t realize they were the same person

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Bruh she only cut her hair and dyed it

You did the SAME THING and everyone still recognize YOU 

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Maybe renjun is right

Maybe she doesnt like you

 

simple_is_best

That’s rough buddy

 

taro_milk_tea

Anyways...

Even my roommate buys thing for me

But thats cuz he thinks im gonna get scammed

as foreigner and everything

 

shoulder_gangster

At least your roommate looks out for u

Mine is the one getting scammed

And hes korean

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Jisung is a baby

And doesnt know korean

Let him be

 

jeno_LEEEE

You raised him 

In your own words you ‘gave birth to him’

so its your fault that hes getting scammed 

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

i-

I have no words

 

fullsun

My point still stands

Taro just gathers sugar parents

So why yall targeting me?

 

taro_milk_tea

If you guys want more confirmation

Heres another friend

 

Taro_milk_tea adds friends_with_the_floor

 

friends_with_the_floor

What is this??

Oh hi giselle and taro

And jaemin ig

Wait wait wait

IS THIS THE CHAT THAT JONGHO TALKED ABOUT?

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Hi to you too ig

And yes 

Yes it is

 

friends_with_the_floor

Sho, why was i brought here?

 

taro_milk_tea

Basically 

Me and haechan are trying to prove that me having sugar parents are just a normal occurrence 

Besides

As a uni kid I need to save as much money as possible 

 

simple_is_best

Wow

So sho just gonna explain everything to karina

While @fullsun made me read the WHOLE chat!

 

fullsun

LIKE I SAID

Not the whole chat 

Just today’s

And besides, context giselle

Context

 

simple_is_best

You and your context can leave me TF alone 

 

friends_with_the_floor

Im just gonna ignore your beef

And yeah sho gets alot of free stuff

Except from the person he wants

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

WAIT WHAT?!!?!

hE liKes sOmeOne

 

taro_milk_tea

KARINAAAAA!!!

 

friends_with_the_floor

What??

You told me to tell the truth

 

jeno_LEEEE

This is a court setting so she has to tell the truth

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

Okay miss karina

Do you have any evidence that what you claim is true??

 

friends_with_the_floor

Actually 

I do 

Theses days during practice sho has been a bit distracted

Lovesick even 

But at the same time

He looks heartbroken

 

jeno_LEEEE

I can confirm that

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Would you say he acts like when the main character realizes they have a crush on someone 

But their crush is already with someone else

 

friends_with_the_floor

Yes, yes

That’s exactly how he acts

 

taro_milk_tea

LIKE YOU ARENT EITHER 

KARINA

 

friends_with_the_floor

Shhhhhhh

This is about your love life 

Not mine

 

shoulder_gangster

He did not deny it

Our baby has crush

 

fullsun

Aww 

How cute

You should stop using me then

You dont want to give of the wrong impression 

Now do you, taro?

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

So, who’s the lucky guy?

 

jeno_LEEEE

Does he treats you well?

 

shoulder_gangster

Does he know what a first date is supposed to be like?

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

We get it renjun, Lucas doesnt know how go on dates

Hes more of a vibe~ type of guy

Thats his tactic

At least that what he says anyway

 

taro_milk_tea

Stop

Stop

Stop it

 

simple_is_best

By GOT7

 

taro_milk_tea

This is not supposed to be about my love life

This is supposed to be about my sugar baby agenda!

(and why did yall assume its guy when im bi???)

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

(Its the vibes bro)

 

fullsun

You arent embarrassed about the sugar baby part

But you ARE embarrassed about your crush??

How does that work

 

shoulder_gangster

You arent in the position to judge haechan 

 

fullsun

You are sworn to secrecy renjun

So shut it

 

taro_milk_tea

Oh so yall not gonna jump on him now??

What is this double standard

 

jeno_LEEEE

Oh we know about his crush

More like re informed but yeah

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

We gave up on trying to figure out who it is tho

 

taro_milk_tea

But renjun knows who it is? 

 

shoulder_gangster

I wish i didnt

It was by pure accident 

It should have given me the advantage but now im a hostage 

 

friends_with_the_floor

How did you find out by “accident”

 

shoulder_gangster

I went to grab something from his desk

And his diary was wide open 

Then I got brutally attacked 

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Based on renjun’s reaction we just gave up

 

taro_milk_tea

So i dont see why you guys cant drop my love life like that 

 

friends_with_the_floor

But your love live is ACTUALLY interesting tho

 

taro_milk_tea

You can always act uninterested (and u dont know hyuck that well)

This is about how I was born to be a sugar baby

Thats why you are here in the FIRST PLACE 

Karina 

 

simple_is_best

Im telling auntie about this

 

taro_milk_tea

She already knows

Who do you think I got it from??

 

friends_with_the_floor

Maybe if you had this type of confidence around your crush

Maybe you would have gotten somewhere with him

 

taro_milk_tea

I hate it here

 

shoulder_gangster

Welcome to hell, sweetie

 

taro_milk_tea

Also karina

At least i can talk to him

Unlike you and your homegirl

 

jeno_LEEEE

Shotaro: why did yall assume its a guy

Also shotaro: him

 

simple_is_best

Bruh your love lives are literally intertwined 

But not with each other

I aint trying to spread rumors here

 

fullsun

So kinda like a love square

Like miraculous ladybug

While technically its a love hexagon now

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Bro you watch that show??

My five years old cousin watches that show

 

fullsun

Stfu

Your cousin has great taste 

 

taro_milk_tea

It was a mistake to add karina here

The topic wouldnt have change like this if it werent for u

 

friends_with_the_floor

Complain all you want

You're still the one who added me 

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

@simple_is_best

What do you mean intertwined??

 

simple_is_best

I mean it’s intertwined

You need a dictionary???

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Wait wait wait

REALLY!!!

 

simple_is_best

Yes realllY

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Well damn

That’s complicated

I’m sorry shotaro

 

taro_milk_tea

I don’t need your pity 

 

friends_with_the_floor

How did you know tho?

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Giselle isnt the only one friends with both of your crushes

 

shoulder_gangster

No name was mentioned 

How are yall communicating?

 

thousand_dollar_shoes

Its talent

 

taro_milk_tea

You just happened to be friends with them

Calm down

 

simple_is_best

Im kinda surprised that jaemin doesnt know anything

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Are calling me clueless? 

 

simple_is_best

Well you aint blues clues thats for sure…

 

jeno_LEEEE

What does jaemin have to do with this?

 

shoulder_gangster

It OBVIOUSLY means that hes somehow related to this

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

I dont remember being part of some love square

 

fullsun

Its a love square for a reason

Why would you be aware of it?

 

Wow_So_Sexxyyy~~

I just said im not 

Cant you read

And im too busy for a relationship anyways

 

Simple_is_best and fullsun

Oct,01,10:28pm

 

simple_is_best

U really shoudnt have gone into deal with sho of all people

He’ll make a new one as soon that the current one ends 

And you wont be able say no

 

fullsun

But loopholes are my specialty so im good 

 

simple_is_best

How long do you have to be his sugar daddy for anyway?

 

fullsun

A month and a half

 

simple_is_best

So until the november break

Thats basically the entire semester

 

fullsun

I-

That sneaky bitch

brb

Im disowning my sugar baby 

 

simple_is_best

Too late for that now 

Have fun being poor for the next 3 years of your life 

:)



Notes:

Next time on The Chronicle of 00800 Dysfunctional Uni Life: Renewing Contract (I swear it's NOT a scam)

Initiating Karina and Giselle into 00600 making it 00800

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Two updates in a row?!? Never gonna happen again. Is that a promise? No, it's a prediction.

Have you guys heard WayV's third mini album? If you haven't, you've committed a felony, so get to it!

P.S. if you guys know how to fix the damn spacing, please educate us, it very annoying. Thank you~