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It’s a bone-deep ache that Carlos feels as he slowly turns the key into the lock. A 24-hour shift of keeping civilians away from the volcanic ejecta, ending in a hit and run. Everytime Carlos got called into a hit and run, his faith in humanity wavered a bit. The tangible proof that humans could be so cruel and leave a person to die never sat right with him. When he had bent down into the car to look, and saw the little girl, looking like she was barely past the 2nd grade, his heart broke. So much life left to live, cut short because someone couldn’t take responsibility and call 911. The mother in the front seat had a piece of rebar gone straight through her chest, her death must have been immediate.
The goriness and event itself hadn’t touched Carlos today. Even the hit and run didn’t phase him as it usually did. His partner, Nila, crying is what hit him. Carlos was always in tune with his feelings, and out of the two of them, he was the emotional one. So, seeing Nila break down at the scene(he later learned that the mother and daughter were Nila’s neighbours) shocked Carlos to the core. He spent the next three hours, helping Nila get home, waiting for her girlfriend together, and ultimately, being a shoulder to cry on.
It wasn’t fair, Carlos knew, but he couldn’t do anything else. Promising Nila that he would come by to check on her tomorrow, and let the captain know, he left.
When he finally arrived home, he pushed the door open with a large sigh and let it shut with a soft thump. The apartment was dark, pristine like always, and it smelled like that new candle that TK forced him to buy last week. Sparkling bergamot, white tea, and fresh sage together in a scent that would now permanently remind him of TK. Carlos went through the motions of normalcy, hanging up his uniform and the proverbial horrors he’s seen today, scrubbed at his skin until he was red and raw, and then mindlessly fixed himself dinner.
Or was it a very early breakfast? He wasn’t sure.
Minutes, or hours passed and he had done everything he could do to wipe his mind clean, but Carlos needed the peaceful abyss of silence that sleep promised him. As he dragged himself to the stairs, his phone rings, and he’s surprised to see Michelle’s name. He runs a hand over his face as he picks up on the second ring.
“Hey Michelle.”
For a moment, all he hears is crying and his heart rate spikes.
“Carlos? He’s gone, Carlos. I should have been there, I shouldn’t have left-”
“Woah, woah, chica. Slow down, what happened?” he says, interrupting her.
“Tim…he got hit by the volcanic rock. H-he died on the spot.”
His heart drops. But, his strong suit has always been providing comfort. When anyone needed a shoulder lean on, Carlos was there. So he collects himself, and says, “I’m so sorry, Michelle.”
Michelle doesn’t reply, and he only hears gasping breaths from the other end of the line.
“Okay, deep breaths chica. Deep breaths.” he says, voice steady.
Michelle lets out a shaky breath. “Yeah. Yep. God, I don’t even-what should I do?”
“Call the other paramedic that was on your team. You three were a team, and Captain Vega is amazing, but she didn’t know Tim like you do. Then figure out how to contact his family, separately. Not a department issued call but a personal one,” he replies.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Michelle sighs, “How do you always know what to do?”
Carlos chuckles. “I’m wise beyond my years, I know.” Michelle chuckles weakly on the other end of the phone.
“Don’t forget to tell Iris I want to drop in and say hi to my old best friend one day.” he reminds her.
“Yeah, I will.” Michelle releases another gust of breath. “Thanks, Carlos, we both love you.”
The heaviness in his chest as the events of today pile on eases a bit. Without Michelle and Iris, he wouldn’t have made it out of the police academy, and days like today reminds him of them.
“Love you guys too. Take care, chica.”
Carlos would like nothing more than to go upstairs, bury himself under his covers, and fall asleep. However, Michelle isn’t the only person that Carlos loves who’d be impacted by Tim’s passing. TK.
TK who loves fully, and freely. Who could tell the heroic stories of the 126 for minutes on end, and cherished every single memory made at the station. Knowing that TK was in pain, probably headed here right now, stopped Carlos in his tracks. He had been making his way up the stairs, one foot above the other, when it hit him. There’s no way he was going to be able to fall asleep if he knew TK was in pain.
So, he drops down onto the middle step, and leans against the railing.
He’s not sure how long he was sitting there, as he let his mind go blank. He refuses to think about the civilians that didn’t make it, the mom and her little girl. Just doesn’t think at all. If he let himself wallow, he wouldn’t be able to be there for TK, and that wasn’t an option. He needs to be there for his boyfriend.
Just as he thinks it, he hears the jingling of keys and the door is pushed open. Despite the somber cloud that surrounds him, and TK, Carlos’s heart can’t help but jump at the sight of his boyfriend. TK’s gaze is on the floor, not yet having spotted Carlos. There’s a tightening in his chest, as his eyes trace TK’s drooping shoulders, the furrow between his eyebrows, the downcast set of eyes.
When TK looks up and sees him staring right back, an imperceptible twitch of TK’s lips has Carlos reaching out to him.
TK strides over to the stairs, green eyes staring at Carlos, with something like desperation swirling in those emerald depths, grief etched across his face. He falls into Carlos’s arms, holding onto him like it was the only thing keeping the both of them grounded. And, well, wasn’t it?
Carlos knows there’s nothing he can say. Nothing would ease TK’s pain. The only way he would be able to overcome the pain, was to go through it.
So he holds on tight, to the person who he loves most in the world. He lets his head fall forward and touch TK’s hair, pressing a soft kiss there. Carlos lets that kiss say everything that the both of them are too weary to say. TK burrows into Carlos, like he wants to hide in Carlos’s arms, and Carlos tightens his arms. Me too, babe, me too.
Letting out a quiet breath, Carlos leaves a final kiss on the side of TK’s head. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
They both trudge upstairs, hands joined and fall into bed. Carlos takes the liberty of removing TK’s shoes, jacket and jeans, and then tucks them both into bed.
“Spoon me?” TK murmurs.
Carlos nods, shifting closer to TK, and lets an arm drape across TK’s body pulling him close. When TK’s back is to his chest, Carlos presses another kiss to the nape of his neck. “Love you.” He feels a hand envelop his, and squeeze it tight. TK brings their joined hands to his chest, and they both fall asleep like that, cocooned in the safety of each other.