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Chapter Text

“Dear listeners, it appears we have two new visitors to our humble desert community. They arrived late last night from an unknown location, and one witness reports that they came from the sky. This claim, however, should be viewed with skepticism, given that the witness was none other than Steve Carlsberg. Even if Steve is right, which he probably isn’t, one thing at least is clear. The visitors cannot be angels because, as we all know, angels are not real. Also, Old Woman Josie told me that her angels, all of whom are named Erica, deny any knowledge of these strangers’ identities. 

“What do these visitors want? What are their plans for coming here? Why does Steve Carlsburg insist on remaining an embarrassment to our town? More on this story as it develops.” - Night Vale Community Radio Host, Cecil Palmer

The sun beat down through the Voot’s windshield onto Dib’s neck as he fiddled with the radio. He let out a long sigh, shifted in his chair, and turned to face his companion.

“I knew we should have landed further away,” he complained, brushing back hair from his slightly damp forehead. “This is prime alien spotting country. I tried to tell you that people would notice us.”

“What, people as crazy and alien-obsessed as you?” Zim smirked as he spoke, sharp teeth glinting in the bright daylight. “Relax, Zim’s disguises are foolproof. No stupid humans will pay us any attention.”

With that, a metal leg extended from his pak, holding something tan and floppy. Zim grabbed the object, stuck it on his head, and turned back to Dib with a huge grin. 

“Eh?” he said, proudly displaying the cowboy hat hiding his antennae. “What do you think?”

“Oh my god,” Dib groaned, burying his face in his arms. “This is already a disaster.”

Zim sniffed. “You’re just unable to appreciate genius when you see it.” He took off the hat and lobbed it at Dib’s head, cackling once it hit its target, and turned to change out of his uniform into one of Dib’s old shirts. 

Dib ignored him, reaching into the backpack at his feet and rifling through it for his notes. Regardless of Zim’s ridiculous antics, he was here for a reason, and he had to at least try to make some progress before the citizens of Night Vale decided to run them out of town with burning stakes. 

He wished, not for the first time, that he had just saved up for a plane ticket instead. But he was on thin ice with Swollen Eyeball after the siren incident, and he knew that this investigation was his chance to make up for all the equipment damages he’d caused back then. 

He pulled out a stack of paper, glancing at each sheet until he found the one he was looking for. On the top of the page, the name STEVE CARLSBERG was written in Dib’s messy handwriting, and below it was an address. 

Dib bit his lip and looked back and forth between the paper and the desert outside. He hoped that Swollen Eyeball had given him a useful contact, otherwise this investigation would be even more challenging than he’d thought. 

Luckily, he had time on his side. He’d told his dad that he was doing a roadtrip with his friend, and now that he was technically a legal adult, Dib was free to go off on his own for however long he wanted. 

In fact, his dad had seemed happy that Dib was getting away from his hometown for a while. At least, his voice had sounded cheerful. It was hard to make out any expressions behind that high-collared lab coat. 

Only Gaz knew what Dib was really up to. He figured it didn’t hurt to have his sister in the know just in case Zim went batshit and tried to kill him… again. 

With that pleasant thought in his mind, Dib pushed back against the Voot’s control panel and stood up. 

“We should get going,” he said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “The sooner I can talk with my contact the better.” He held out his hand to Zim, sitting in the pilot chair, who eyed it warily.  “I don’t bite,” Dib told him teasingly, wiggling his fingers. “Unlike some people.” 

He touched his neck with his other hand and grimaced at the lingering memory of Zim’s teeth in his flesh. He still got phantom aches sometimes, more than a year later. Zim rolled his eyes and took the proffered hand, standing up slowly. 

They stepped outside the Voot into the desert and all Dib could process was hot . The air shimmered around him and Zim, obscuring everything within view. Of course, ‘everything’ consisted only of miles of barren sand and the hazy silhouette of a small town about a mile away.

“Are you planning anything stupid I should know about now?” Zim asked as they began to walk towards the town of Night Vale. 

Dib flashed him a lopsided smile. “Who, me?”

“Are you two the strangers Cecil mentioned on the radio?” Steve Carlsberg’s face scrunched up with excitement as he asked the question. He stood in the front entryway of his suburban home, a baby blue apron stretched across his stomach. 

“Where are my manners? I haven’t even said hello. Hello!” He waved cheerfully at Dib and Zim, who waited on his front steps. Steve had answered almost immediately after they’d knocked.

“Um, hi,” said Dib, returning the wave awkwardly. “I’m Dib Membrane, codename: Agent Mothman. Swollen Eyeball sent me to talk with you.” 

Steve’s smile widened. “Ah, I love those guys!” he said. “Nobody around here ever listens to me, but everyone at Swollen Eyeball says I’m a real missionary of truth.” 

He gestured at Dib and Zim to follow him inside, and they entered into a short hallway. “I have some cookies fresh out of the oven, if you’d like,” he told them. “They’re for my daughter Janice’s Girl Scout meeting today, but I made a few extra. Just in case.” He looked over his shoulder and winked. 

“Zim will have one of these cookies,” Zim announced, walking behind Dib. “As long as they do not contain any meat.” Dib glared at him. 

“Ha! You’re a funny one,” said Steve, as he led them into a small but comfortable kitchen. A tray of golden-brown cookies sat on the table, and Steve put two of them onto a small plate, handing it to Zim. “Only chocolate chips in these, I promise.” 

Zim briefly sniffed at one of the cookies before shoving it into his mouth. Dib reached over and grabbed the other one from the plate before the alien could eat it as well. 

“So, Mr. Carlsberg,” Dib began.

“Please, just call me Steve.”

“Okay, then. Steve,” he continued. “I want to ask you some questions about the hauntings you’ve reported around here.” He took a bite of the cookie and looked at Steve expectedly.

Steve paused while untying his apron and raised an eyebrow at Dib. “Oh, that’s why you’re here?” he asked. “I thought you were here for the arrows in the sky. Isn’t that why you’ve brought your alien friend?”

“W-what?” Dib choked on his cookie, and as he struggled to breathe again, he felt Zim shift beside him. 

In an instant, Steve was pinned against the refrigerator by one pak leg, and another hovered just in front of his throat. He let out a little yelp. “Zim, stop!” Dib managed to say through his fit of coughing. “Put him down!”

Zim didn’t look at him. “He knows too much.”

Dib cursed under his breath. He had almost forgotten that, as tame as Zim acted around him, he had killed people before. Lots of people. He was sort of an awful person, and it was times like this when Dib questioned their friendship the most deeply.

“Zim,” he tried to keep his voice steady. “You can’t just kill our contact. You can’t just kill anyone, for that matter!”

Steve nodded in a panicked kind of way, gasping again as the sharp edge of Zim’s pak leg pressed harder against his throat.

“Look, look,” Dib grabbed one of Zim’s arms, praying to whatever gods would listen that the alien didn’t decide to kill him as well. “We’ll swear him to secrecy, ok?” 

Zim barked out a short, humorless laugh. Steve stared at Dib helplessly as the investigator racked his brains for something else to convince Zim to not commit a murder.

“No one would even believe him, anyway,” he continued. “It’s not like anyone ever believed me.” He fell silent. 

There was a moment of stillness, then Zim slowly retracted his pak legs and Steve slumped to the floor, breathing heavily. 

Dib exhaled, releasing tension he hadn't even noticed. “Okay,” he said. “Okay.” 

But Zim wasn’t quite finished. He walked briskly over to Steve and grabbed his collar with one hand. Baring his teeth, he pulled Steve up to his face and hissed, “If you ever speak a word of this to anyone, I will utterly and completely destroy you, earth-scum. Understood?” 

Steve nodded, sweat dripping down his forehead. “Clear as crystal! Not a peep out of me, oh no!”

“Are you finished now?” asked Dib, leaning against the counter. “I have a few questions that I want to ask him, if you’re done playing bad cop.”

“Hmph.” Zim dropped Steve back on the ground and stalked over to the edge of the kitchen. He crossed his arms and glared at the humans. 

Dib went over to Steve and offered him a hand, which was gratefully accepted. “Right,” he said. “Sorry about my… partner. He’s, um, overzealous sometimes.” He frowned in Zim’s direction before giving Steve his attention again. “Let’s talk about the hauntings.”

Chapter Text

“They don’t appear at any particular time,” Steve began, scratching at the back of his neck absentmindedly. “But they always appear in the house, often in the bedrooms. The other day, I was outside potting some new flowers when I saw one through the window. It was in my living room, like it lived there or something. They all look pretty much like normal people, except they’re always hanging upside down, and their hair and clothing is all floaty as if they’re in outer space.” 

He paused and leaned in closer to Dib. 

“Y’know, Cecil always says that I shouldn’t talk about space, because the existential terror of the void is not meant for mortals and whatnot, but I think it’s actually quite interesting. Especially the arrows in the sky. I even have my own telescope, but I have to keep it hidden so the Sheriff’s Secret Police don’t take me away for reeducation.” 

He grinned shyly at Dib, and the investigator found himself smiling weakly back. Steve was a likable guy, even if he seemed overly comfortable sharing dangerous information with strangers. At least his fascination with space explained how he knew Zim was an alien. 

In fact, when Dib thought about it, it was kind of weird that Steve was the only other person, besides his sister, to acknowledge that Zim wasn’t human. If it hadn’t been for Gaz, Dib might have chalked it up to his own alleged “insanity”. After all, nice as Steve Carlsberg was, he wasn’t about to win any prizes for most reliable citizen of the year. 

Dib’s thoughts were interrupted by something small and round hitting his glasses. “Gah!” He looked down to see the culprit, one of Steve’s cookies, lying on the floor. Dib whipped his head around to meet narrowed purple contacts. “What the hell, Zim? Wait outside if you can’t control yourself.” 

Zim growled at him, but stood up and walked heavily out of the kitchen. Dib rubbed his temples and turned back to Steve. 

“Sorry again,” he muttered. “I guess you’ve realized that Zim is kind of terrible.” 

Steve chuckled. “Ah, yeah,” he admitted. “He’s definitely not my type, but to each their own. My brother-in-law, Cecil, he’s just like that sometimes. Deep down I know he has a good heart, but sometimes he can just be real mean.” He frowned, eyes slightly unfocused. Then he shook his head and smiled. “But whenever he’s with that scientist of his, you can see the good parts of him. I guess that’s what you are for your partner there.”

Dib sighed. “Maybe. Who even knows with Zim?”

Steve laughed. “Who knows, indeed? Love is a funny thing.”

“Wait, what?” Dib felt his face flush crimson. “No, no, that’s not what I meant at all. We’re not- no!”

“Anyways, about the hauntings,” Steve continued, casually ignoring Dib’s reaction. “So far, none of the ghosts have seemed violent or dangerous, but I’ve been seeing them more often. Last night, I went to check on Janice, and I saw a young one, probably about her age, just floating there. Its mouth was open as if it was screaming but it wasn’t making a sound. Normally, I’d just have let it be, but the thought of anything creeping around in my little girl’s room… I tried to shoo it away with a broom, but nothing seemed to work. I waited there for an hour or so and then it disappeared, just like that.”

Dib bit his lip. This didn’t seem particularly novel, just a usual haunting. If he played his cards right, he could perform an exorcism tonight and be out of town by the morning. The less time he had to spend here with an increasingly aggressive alien, the better.

“Alright,” he said. “I can come by later tonight with some equipment and try to get rid of the ghosts.” 

Steve interrupted him. “It’s not just here, though. I was over at Diane Crayton’s home to discuss some PTA matters, and I saw one in her living room! I tried to point it out to her, but it vanished as she turned to look. I think she’s always thought that I was crazy, so this probably didn’t help much.”

That was strange. One house being haunted was nothing out of the ordinary, but multiple? There had to be some sort of connection. 

“Are there any other places you’ve seen these ghosts?” Dib asked. 

Steve brought his hand to his chin, rubbing it thoughtfully. “Not really,” he said. “I’ve only ever seen them in people’s houses, though, never in any stores or public places. In fact, you know who I haven’t thought to ask about them? Cecil’s scientist boyfriend. Carlos spends a lot of time studying that house he says doesn’t actually exist. I wonder if he’s seen any of the ghosts there.”

“Could you tell me where I can find him?”

“Sure,” replied Steve. “He has a lab over by Big Rico’s Pizza. It’s all full of beakers and humming electrical instruments and the like. You should ask him some questions. He might be more helpful than me.”

Dib stood up. “You’ve been really helpful, Steve, and I appreciate it.” He sucked in air through his teeth. “And you’ve put up with a lot from my partner. I promise, I’ll keep an eye on him, and you don’t need to worry about his stupid threats. I still wouldn’t tell anyone about him, though, y’know, for reasons.”

Steve grinned. “I got you. Let me know if you get any good information from Carlos! I’m very curious myself to see what’s behind these hauntings.” 

Dib nodded, then cringed as a crash resounded from outside. “I think that’s my cue,” he said, and hurried out to the front door. 

Zim stood sullenly by the front door, his cowboy hat pulled down over his face and the ceramic shards of a broken flower pot littering the sand around him. 

“Why are you like this?” Dib pinched the bridge of his nose as he stepped out of the house. “Are you actively trying to make my life more difficult?”

“Always, bighead.”

Dib thwacked his arm. “Whatever, freak, let’s just get going. I have a new lead.” He looked down at the remains of the flower pot and sighed. “I guess I’ll have to come back here later and pay Steve for your property damages.” He considered sending Zim to wait in the Voot, but he knew that the alien would never agree to that. He’d probably do his best to be even more annoying instead.

For better or for worse, he was stuck with the alien until this case was closed or he was killed. At this rate, Dib had a sinking feeling that the latter option wasn’t so unlikely. He hoped that Carlos the Scientist might be able to change that.

Chapter Text

It took about 10 minutes to walk, through the steadily increasing heat of the afternoon, from Steve Carlsberg’s home to Carlos the Scientist’s lab. Zim was sullen and silent the entire way. Dib tried halfheartedly to make conversation about the ghosts, but the truth was, he didn’t feel much like talking either. 

He kept replaying in his mind the moment when Zim had threatened Steve Carlsberg. If he was being honest, it hadn’t even been a threat. Zim would have killed Steve, a completely innocent man, just to keep his identity a secret. 

Dib glanced next to him as they approached the address Steve had given him. Zim stared straight ahead, eyes shaded underneath that ridiculous hat. His mouth was set in a hard line and he seemed focused on something Dib couldn’t see. 

After a moment, he turned his head to meet Dib’s eyes, and the other boy startled and looked away. He needed to be more subtle.

They walked past Big Rico’s Pizza, lit with a neon sign displaying a huge fanged pizza monstrosity, to the mundane brick building next door. A piece of printer paper was taped to the front door and read ‘ Science Laboratory ’ in large, sans-serif font. Below that, ‘ Please knock for scientific assistance! ’.

“Well, it looks like this is the place,” Dib said, trying to cover up his earlier mistake and rubbing the back of his neck. “Do you wanna knock or should I?” He tried for a grin and guessed, by the disgusted expression on Zim’s face, that it turned out as more of a grimace.

In response, Zim stepped forward to the door and rapped his fist against the wood.

“Just a moment!” yelled a pleasant tenor voice from inside, followed by a series of crashes and what sounded like the yowling of a cat. The door was flung open suddenly, revealing the most beautiful man Dib had ever seen. 

His hair was dark, lush, and fell in soft curls around his shoulders. His jaw looked as though it was carved from a block of bronze. His teeth, glimpsed briefly as he talked, were as white and straight as the keys on a piano. He was simply… perfect. Perfect and beautiful. It would have been concerning, just how physically flawless this man was, except for the two comforting streaks of grey at his temples.

“Oh, you must be the strangers Cecil was talking about.” 

The scientist- he was obviously a scientist, judging by his spotless lab coat- pointed a metal instrument at Dib and Zim as he talked. It beeped and glowed various colors as it passed over each of them.

“Hmm,” he mused to himself. “Fascinating!” He smiled quickly at the boys’ bemused looks. 

“I was expecting you to both be human-” He shrugged and made a gesture as if to toss away the idea. “-but I guess that just goes to show why assumptions are dangerous. A scientist is always open to new data, you know.”

“Uh-” Dib gaped at the scientist, throwing his arm out in front of Zim automatically, even as he struggled to find words. The alien beside him was almost vibrating in place, an unreadable emotion leeching away what little humanity his features possessed.

The scientist paused and looked them both over, his gaze stopping on Zim. “How interesting.” He twirled the strange device absentmindedly. “You should both come inside so we can talk.”

Keeping his hand pressed against Zim’s shoulder as a warning, Dib set his jaw and followed the scientist inside.

“I’m Carlos, by the way,” the beautiful scientist said as he closed the door behind them, “Carlos the Scientist.”

Dib barely registered the introduction, focused as he was on the incredible lab before him. He’d seen scientific laboratories before; it was kind of hard not to when your father was the greatest scientist in the city. And he’d seen Zim’s lab before, as well as his own, of course. But this was nothing like any of those. 

Bubbling beakers of all shapes and sizes sat on desks scattered throughout the room, full of iridescent chemicals representing every color on the spectrum. Wires snaked across the ceiling, criss-crossing and winding into intricate knots. Incandescent bulbs hung from them periodically, glowing and flickering in a mesmerizing display. One wall was entirely taken up by a huge mural of the periodic table, except each element seemed to be represented within a small clear cube nailed to the plaster.

Every glance revealed a different wonder, and although he considered himself a true logician, Dib couldn’t help but feel that Carlos’s lab showcased science as it might really be: another kind of art. 

“-your name?” 

“Huh?” Dib blinked. Carlos was staring expectedly at him, and after a moment, he guessed that the other man wanted his introduction reciprocated. 

“Oh! Um, I’m Dib. Dib Membrane. I’m a paranormal investigator.” 

Carlos let out a laugh. It was melodic and beautiful, just like the rest of him. “Well, it seems like you’re in the right place. Night Vale is full of what one could call, if they were so inclined, the ‘paranormal’. It is, I still believe, the most scientifically interesting town in America.” He smiled a knowing smile and turned to Zim. 

“And may I have the pleasure of learning who, and what, you are?”

Zim bared his teeth, and Dib felt his arm muscles tighten beneath the teenager’s hand. 

“Zim is human, of course,” Zim said. Dib groaned inwardly. The third person tense was not helping Zim’s already frail argument. “Only a fool would assume anything else, especially while standing in the presence-”

Dib dug his fingernails into the alien's shoulder and interrupted him. 

“This is Zim. He’s my… investigation partner. I think that’s really all you need to know right now.” He shifted and added, “Dr. uhhh…,” trailing off as he realized he didn’t know Carlos’s last name.

Carlos made no response besides a small hum. Then he shrugged. 

“Fair enough. I suppose I can do my own research.”

Zim relaxed infinitesimally next to Dib. 

“Now, what can I help you with?” asked Carlos, picking up a stray notepad from a nearby desk and clicking open a ballpoint pen.

Dib shifted so that he could sling his backpack off of one shoulder. 

“I’m sure you’re aware of the hauntings going on in this town.” He began, pulling out his case file. “I was sent by my organization to investigate them, and, if possible, to end them.” 

“Oh, don’t bother!” Carlos waved his hand in the air, still holding the pen.

Dib fell quiet. “What?” 

Carlos shook his head, dark curls bobbing gently. “Don’t bother trying to stop anything weird in Night Vale. It won’t work. Night Vale is just… like that.” He raised one shoulder in a what-can-you-do gesture.

“As long as they’re not hurting anybody, it doesn’t matter if they’re here or not. I mean, if they’re scientifically interesting, go ahead and study them, but don’t kid yourself that you have any chance of getting rid of them.”

Dib felt himself turning red. “But they’re haunting multiple houses!” he said. “I have to help!”

“Look... Dib, right? The residents of Night Vale are used to much weirder things than some 'ghosts'. Even if they’re real, which I can’t verify without quite a few scientific tests, there’s no point in worrying about them.” 

Zim snorted softly next to him. “Exactly what Zim has been saying this whole time, idiot boy.” He crossed his arms.

“Not the time,” Dib growled, before turning back to the scientist. “Okay, how about this? I just need some information, and then you can go back to your experiments and not even bother about whether I try to get rid of the ghosts or not, right?”

Carlos nodded thoughtfully. “Yes, I suppose it doesn’t really matter what you want to do. Alright, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll tell you what I know about these ‘ghosts’ and you-” he turned to Zim. “-can let me run a few tests on you.” 

This time, it took Dib’s whole bodyweight to stop Zim from going straight for Carlos’s throat. “No, Zim, stop-!” He gripped Zim’s wrists, blocking Carlos from his view. “Zim, I need his info.” Dib lowered his voice to a rasp. “Can you please just do this one thing for me? I promise, I won’t let him do anything… that I wouldn’t do.” 

Zim scoffed, his gaze darting around, trying to pinpoint the scientist behind Dib. “Oh? What’s that worth, earth boy? You would love to see me dissected on a table.”

“Do you really think that?” Amber eyes met purple as Dib stared intently at the alien. “Are you really that stupid?” he asked softly. 

One second, two seconds… Zim looked away, hunching inwards beneath his hat.

“Fine.” 

Dib let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “Great.” He turned around to face Carlos again. “Hear that? You can run some quick tests, right here, where I can see them, and then you have to tell me what you know.”

“Deal,” said Carlos, smiling beatifically. “Always happy to collaborate with a fellow researcher.” 

Despite himself, Dib smiled back.

Chapter Text

“Okay, let’s get you all set up. Could you take your hat off?” Carlos’s pleasant tone was met with one of Zim’s worst scowls. The alien sat on a small stool from a nearby lab bench, his cowboy hat on the floor next to him. Dib watched from a few feet away as Carlos bustled around, attaching electrodes to Zim’s temples and wrapping a blood pressure cuff around his upper arm. 

“Hand out, please,” said Carlos. Zim threw Dib a withering glance, but held out his hand. The green of his skin stood out against Carlos’s darker hand. Carlos hummed as he placed a small pulse oximeter over one of Zim’s fingertips. His hand lingered afterwards, probing at Zim’s claws with unrestrained curiosity. Zim growled and snatched his hand away. 

To his own surprise, Dib felt relief as Zim did so. The sight of his partner’s hand in Carlos’s made Dib feel something a little too close to jealousy. Well, that was something for him to think about later. Much, much, later. Ideally never.

“Right,” Carlos announced, snapping Dib out of his (definitely not Zim-related) thoughts. “I think we’re ready to start!” He pulled out another stool, positioning himself on it so that he faced Zim. “Given the circumstances, I’ll be happy if I can get a good 10 minutes of physiological data from you. A blood sample would be an ideal addition, but obviously I would need your consent to perform anything so invasive.”

“Absolutely not,” Zim said immediately. “Consider yourself lucky I allow you even this much. I could tear you apart in an instant, if I wanted.”

Dib let out a heavy sigh. Carlos cleared his throat. 

“I’m sure you could. But let’s just chat a bit instead, while I get these readings.” He clicked open his pen and began to write on his notepad. “What planet are you from?” 

Dib tensed, but Zim only twitched an eyelid and released his breath in a huff. “You wouldn’t know it. It’s too far for you puny humans to even detect.” 

Carlos nodded. “I see. And how did you travel from there all the way to Earth?” 

Zim scoffed. “In a flying saucer, of course.” He gestured sarcastically towards Dib’s chest. The investigator glanced down and groaned as he realized he was wearing his UFO t-shirt. It had been a birthday present from Gaz, and the last time he’d worn it around Zim, the alien had kidnapped him into his Voot in response. Zim had flown him around Earth with the artificial gravity off until the weightlessness had made Dib puke. The ride home had been particularly tense that day.

To his credit, Carlos’s expression remained unfazed. “Let’s try some image-word associations,” he said cheerfully. “I’ll show you a photograph, and you can tell me what word you think of.”

“That sounds like the career test in Skool,” Zim muttered. “Except even more useless.”

Carlos chuckled. “Yes, normally it would be,” he admitted. “But this time, I can track the readings on your heart rate and vitals throughout. Much more interesting than pure psychology, I’d say.”

At his words, Dib glanced over to the vitals monitor. He’d been so absorbed in the conversation that it hadn’t occurred to him what a great opportunity this was to learn about the alien he spent an embarrassing amount of time with. 

Currently, the heart rate monitor showed a strange, fluttery kind of pattern, nothing at all like a human’s heartbeat. In fact, Dib vaguely recalled seeing such a pattern on the monitor of a heart attack victim in his sister’s Zombie Apocalypse Hospital IV videogame. The patient in question had soon died, and shortly reanimated as one of the undead. Since Zim (probably) wasn’t going to die and turn into a zombie anytime soon, Dib assumed that he could rule out ‘normal resting heartbeat’ as something he and Zim had in common. 

He turned his attention back to Carlos just as the scientist held up an image of the Earth on his tablet. It looked like a standard satellite image, and Zim was clearly not impressed. 

“Dirt ball,” Zim said. 

Carlos put down the tablet and jotted down some notes. Next up was a photo of a Hollywood alien, one of the tall, greyish creatures so popular in Dib’s favorite movies. It lay on a metal table, clearly dead. 

Zim gave a short laugh. “Fake.” He crossed his arms. “If you insist on wasting my time, at least show me something interesting.”

Carlos pursed his lips for a moment, then typed something on the tablet. “Alright,” he said. “How about this?”

The next photo he held up elicited a cringe from Dib. It was a human corpse, old enough for the skeleton to be visible, but fresh enough that he couldn’t help thinking of it as a person. Zim barely reacted. “Pitiful,” he said. “You humans have such short, sad lives. Zim doesn’t envy you at all.” He smirked. “Didn’t you say this one would be interesting? Lies.”

That seemed to bother Carlos, and he was quiet for a long minute, tapping at the tablet in front of him, held with the screen visible only to himself. He glanced once at Dib, then 

held up the tablet quickly in front of Zim. 

The change in Zim’s expression was drastic. His eyes widened, the edges of his contacts visible against a thin ring of vibrant red. His mouth opened in a kind of strangled gasp and his shoulders began to shake. Dib reached a hand out towards him, but even as he did so, Zim clamped his jaw shut. 

“Enough,” he hissed through his teeth, tugging off the blood pressure cuff and chucking it onto the ground. He stood quickly and ripped the electrodes off of his skin. Carlos stood as well, holding the tablet against his chest. 

“Wait!” said the scientist. “I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t think that would have such a reaction-” 

Zim held up a hand, his claws bent in a threat. “No, we’re done.” He turned to Dib. “Hope your information is worth it,” he spat. Both humans watched helplessly as Zim spun on his heel and practically stomped out of the lab. Dib turned to face Carlos. 

“What the hell did you show him?”

In response, Carlos held up the tablet. Dib struggled to suppress a gag. The corpse in the image was nearly the same as the previous one, with one notable exception. This time, the face very clearly belonged to Dib himself.

“How-?” Dib began. 

“Simple image lookup and replacement,” Carlos said. “I recognized your name. Your father is quite well known among the scientific community. It was easy to find an image of you from a recent press conference and edit your features onto that of this body. I just had no idea that it would affect your alien so deeply.”

Dib balled his hands into fists. “He’s not my alien . He’s my friend. And when you said you’d be running tests, you never mentioned trying to induce a traumatic reaction.” He picked up Zim’s hat from the ground and walked towards the door. Without turning around, he said, “Tell me the information about the hauntings, and make it quick.”

Carlos let out a small sigh. “I really don’t know much. I’ve never even seen one of these so-called ghosts myself. But lately, I’ve noticed some abnormal EMF readings by Radon Canyon at night. I can’t conclude whether it’s related to the hauntings you’re investigating, but it might be a decent place to start looking.”

Dib didn’t respond, just nodded once and left Carlos’ lab, shutting the door behind him. It was time to have a talk with Zim.

Chapter Text

Zim wasn’t outside of Carlos’ lab. As Dib glanced around him, it struck him that maybe Zim had left Night Vale entirely. It would be just like him, wouldn’t it, to get in the Voot and just leave Dib in the middle of the desert.

“Where are you, you green freak?” Dib muttered, scuffing his foot against the sand. What had even happened in the lab? Zim had been fine, and then, all of a sudden, he… wasn’t. If Zim was human, Dib would be tempted to say he’d had a panic attack. Could aliens even have panic attacks? Dib groaned and rubbed his temples. He could barely manage his own mental health with the help of a therapist, and now he had to worry about Zim’s as well.

With a huff, he started in the direction the Voot was parked, clutching Zim’s dumb hat. With the sun blazing overhead, he quickly began to sweat. They’d only parked about a mile out of town, but Dib hadn’t planned on trekking back in the early afternoon. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t even eaten lunch. There was a stash of granola bars in the Voot, but Dib could almost imagine a psychotic Zim trashing his only snacks as retribution for- whatever had happened. Great, now he was thinking about Zim’s “episode” again.

Lost in his thoughts, Dib hardly noticed when he came into view of the Voot. There was nobody visible near the spacecraft, so Dib took a deep breath and went inside.

Sure enough, his unstable alien was sitting in the pilot’s seat, staring with unblinking crimson eyes into nothing. His disguise was gone, probably back in his Pak, and his antennae waved gently back and forth, back and forth. It was almost hypnotizing.

“What do you want, bighead?”

Almost hypnotizing except for Zim’s grating voice, of course.

“What do you think I want? You kinda pulled a whole scene back at the lab,” Dib replied. “Are you, um, okay?”

Zim didn’t look at him. He just closed his eyes. Somehow, this made him look small, although he was the same height as Dib. Without the glaring red of his eyes, his face was almost childlike, if the child was bald and dipped in green paint. Oh, and if the child didn’t have a nose.

Zim raised a hand up, making a dismissive gesture. “Zim is fine.” He didn’t elaborate.

Dib’s mouth twisted. “Mhm,” he said. “Yeah, freaking out in front of Carlos and basically running from the lab fits the definition of ‘fine’ perfectly.”

“Shut up.”

Dib took a step closer to Zim, keeping his hands in his jean pockets. Zim kept his eyes closed.

“Look,” said Dib. “I’m kinda worried about you.”

This made Zim turn and glare at Dib. The redness of his eyes was almost welcome.

“You’re worried about me?” Zim scoffed. “Zim is not the one constantly putting himself in danger! Zim is not the one who’s nearly died multiple times on some wretched cryptid hunt! Can you blame me for reacting to an image that I’ve known is going to come true any day now?”

Zim made a noise of disgust and flopped back in his chair.

Dib blinked. “Wait, what?” He brought his fingers together, processing Zim’s little outburst. “You… you think I’m gonna die?” He sucked in a quick breath. “You worry about me dying?”

The alien gawked at him. “You really are an idiot, eh?” He brushed aside Dib’s shock. “Zim does not want you dying before he decrees it. And yet, here you are, pursuing some otherworldly and possible deadly creature, yet again. I should take us back home now and be done with this stupidity.”

Dib’s eyes narrowed. “No,” he said firmly. “I, erm, appreciate your… concern, but I’m not just leaving. There’s something weird going on in this town, and it’s my duty as a paranormal investigator to figure out what it is and stop it. You can either help me, or you can go home without me, but you’re not bringing me back with you until this case is closed.”

Zim stood up abruptly, his face merely inches from Dib’s. His teeth were bared. “I could just knock you out now and you wouldn’t get a say in that,” he said in a low voice.

“Yes,” said Dib. “But I think that you like having me as a friend, not just some human puppet to play with.”

Zim’s mouth snapped shut. The boys stared at each other for a tense moment. Then Zim stepped back, snatching his hat from Dib’s hand as he did so.

“We’re leaving tomorrow morning,” Zim announced as he put on his disguise and pulled the hat over it. “Zim will give you until then to track your moronic ghost-thing, but tomorrow morning, you are coming back home.”

“Deal.” Dib let out his breath. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding it. “We’ll need to wait until nighttime to check out Radon Canyon, according to Carlos. Before that, we should gather more intel. I’ll bet this town had a library with some old newspapers. If this is a ghost, we should be able to find information about its origin, and possibly something that will help us to exorcise it.”

Zim shrugged. “Whatever, stupid.”