Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

*Pissbaby added Wilby, BLOOD GOD, Child. and 16 others to ''Hoes''*

Ducky: HOLA CHICOS

gogy: -_-

Skeppy's Boyfriend: o_O

Schlatthasabigcock: Me gusta fat ass ;)

Skeppy's Boyfriend: LANGUAGE

*BLOOD GOD left*

Bad's Boyfriend: JASHGFHUKSDFGASKFHJUAGKUFHGAKHJFGHJALSGDFH

*Pissbaby added BLOOD GOD*

*BLOOD GOD left*

*Pissbaby added BLOOD GOD*

*BLOOD GOD left*

*Pissbaby added BLOOD GOD*

*BLOOD GOD left*

*Pissbaby added BLOOD GOD*

Pissbaby: STOP LEAVING-

Ducky: If you leave one more time, then you want to kiss schlatt.

Schlatthasabigcock: Is that such a bad thing?

Ducky: Yes

Schlatthasabigcock: *sigh* not even my own boyfriend wants me :(

Ducky: Ofc i don't

BLOOD GOD: Quackity?

Ducky: Yes?

BLOOD GOD: I'm outside your Dorm.

Ducky: ...

BLOOD GOD: It's funny.

Skeppy's Boyfriend: What's funny-

BLOOD GOD: How I nearly ran over Quackity's dog :)

Ducky: I don't have a dog?

Sir Jacobs: TECHNOBLADE YOU NEARLY RAN ME OVER YOU DICK

Skeppy's Boyfriend: LANGUAGE!

Bad's Boyfriend: th fct tht bad ony caes abt te swereng nd nt the fct karl nrly ded is fnny

Skeppy's Boyfriend: Translation - ''The fact that bad only cares about the cusses and not the fact Karl nearly died is funny'' And to be fair if Karl did get run over it would be a blessing :)

Sir Jacobs: Smile through the pain.

Wilby: I swear to god if one more person texts in this group chat I will kill Tommy and pretend it was an accident.

Child: Wilby :(

Dad: Wilbur. You will not kill your brother, Tommy stop swearing I'm trying to work, Techno, grow up. Quackity and Schlatt I can hear you two...you know...upstairs and Dream, George, Sapnap, if your work isn't turned in by Monday, you're all going to have 2 essays to be written each and detention for a week :)

Ducky: Oop- Caught by the teach-

Schlatthasabigcock: Phil. *cocks gun* You wanna go, big man?

Dad: I can get you suspended for illegally having a gun.

Schlatthasabigcock: *sigh* Foiled by the principal again :(

Wilby: BUT DAD THAT'S NOT FAIR-

Dad: Wilbur, I will take your guitar.

Wilby: :(

Child: Father, Swearing is part of my personalite~

Dad: Toms, If I hear one more cuss then you're grounded.

Dad: Yep. Grounded

Child: :(

BLOOD GOD: I am fully grown, father-

Dad: Your username is Blood God -_-

Pissbaby: LMFAO HE REALLY WENT FOR THE USERNAME

gogy: Dream, you can't say shit.

Pissbaby: :(

*Pissbaby added Enderboi and Beeboi*

Beeboi: Thank you Dream.

Pissbaby: He threatened me to add him and said if I didn't he'd murder my family-

Beeboi: I did no such thing :)

*Pissbaby sent screenshot*

*Beeboi & Pissbaby - Private chat*

Beeboi: Dream~

Pissbaby: Uh Yeah?

Beeboi: Add me to the group chat or kiss your family goodbye

Pissbaby: Stop Trolling

Beeboi: I know where they live :)

Beeboi: It will be quick :)

Beeboi: But painful :)

Beeboi: Their screams will overjoy me :)

Pissbaby: I-

Beeboi: So what'll it be. Clay~

*End of Screenshot*

*Hoes Groupchat*

Skeppy's Boyfriend: Tubbo would never

gogy: He's too innocent

Pandas: UH NO THAT CHILD DROWNED MY BIRD-

Sir Jacobs: YEAH HE PUT LAXATIVES IN MY COKE

Bad's Boyfriend: HE BOT MI AH LRNING HW TA SPEL BOOOK FR 5 YR OLS

Skeppy's Boyfriend: Translation - ''He bought me a learning how to spell book for 5-year-olds''

Dad: Skeppy- You kinda needed it-

Ducky: THAT ONE THERE WAS A VIOLATION

Schlatthasabigcock: PERSONALLY I WOULDN'T HAVE IT

Wilby: Tubbo, Stop harassing people.

Wilby: Dad this is why we should not have adopted him.

*Beeboi left*

Dad: Wilbur! Now, tubbo's crying to me that his own brother doesn't want him.

Pissbaby: Dude-

gogy: That's deep-

Pandas: That's what she said ;)

Sir Jacobs: Nah bae, that's what you said ;)

gogy: SAPNAP IS A BOTTOM CONFIRMED?

Pissbaby: Imagine getting outed by Karl Jacobs of all people

Skeppy's Boyfriend: This group chat changes subjects as quick as Dream changes his mans

gogy: OOP-

Pissbaby: Fuck you Bad

Bad's Boyfriend: Lev tha fucking tu meh drem

Skeppy's Boyfriend: Uh- Skeppy- I always...you know...I guess...top..you-

Pissbaby: WHO KNEW THE ONE AND ONLY

gogy: INNOCENT AND CUSS FREE

Pandas: BADBOYHALO

Ducky: WAS A TOP

Skeppy's Boyfriend: hhahahhahahahahhahhahahahhhahahahhaha

BLOOD GOD: Did I read that correctly-

Child: Yeah umm Imma head out-

*Child is offline*

Wilby: What. The. Fuck.

Bad's Boyfriend: I turned on autocorrect just to say, Babe, I am breaking up with you

*Bad's Boyfriend changed their user to Skep ;)*

*Skeppy's Boyfriend changed their user to BadBoyLonely :(*

BadBoyLonely :( : I'm gonna go cry in a corner bye

*BadBoyLonely :( is offline*

Pissbaby: Over text as well-

Skep ;) : Dream you can't honestly say anything- you've done it many times.

*Pissbaby is offline*

gogy: This chat is now just to call people out huh?

Pandas: gogy shush you had a one night stand with schlatt once.

*gogy is offline*

Wilby: Sap stfu. You and Karl used to be friends with benefits before you started dating.

*Pandas is offline*

*Sir Jacobs is offline*

Dad: Wilbur don't act all innocent- You still suck on a pacifier when you're scared.

*Wilby is offline*

Enderboi: Sir, You can't really umm say anything either... I know what I saw in the classroom that day-

*Dad is offline*

Ducky: Ranboo- I caught you licking books in the library and your excuse was ''it gives you knowledge''

*Enderboi is offline*

Schlatthasabigcock: I'm just gonna go offline real quick- Ducky bae I suggest you do as well-

*Schlatthasabigcock and Ducky are offline*

~~~~~~~NEXT DAY~~~~~~~

*Dad, Wilby, BLOOD GOD and 10 others are online*

Dad: I'm going to pretend we didn't all expose each other.

Wilby: yhhyhhh

Pissbaby: So- Bad and Skeppy what's up with you two?

Skep ;) : BAD HASN'T COME TO SCHOOL AND I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL DAY SO I'M FREAKING THE FUCK OUT CAUSE I LOVE HIM AND I WAS JOKING AND I NEED HIM TO TELL ME HOW TO TURN OFF AUTO CORRECT ALSO I HAVEN'T BEEN FUCKED IN WEEKS-

Pissbaby: Did not need to know that-

gogy: Skep I'm all for one night stands bby call me ;)

Skep ;) : UH- Im good-

gogy: You have my number so call me if anything~

Pissbaby: I love how George knows I have a crush on him but he still does this shit

gogy: Gotta play the field baby~

*Pissbaby is offline*

gogy: o_O

Skep ;) : I miss Bad *sigh*

*Badboylonely :( is Online*

BadBoyLonely :( : Skeppy. I don't wanna hear that ''I miss bad'' bullshit. YOU RUINED ME. I HAVE BEEN UP UNTIL NOW CRYING AND HAVE GOTTEN NO SLEEP EVER SINCE YOU FUCKING BROKE UP WITH ME! Sapnap had to waste his time to come down and look after me when he could be getting on with his life. If you truly wanted to apologise then you'd do it in person and help me not feel so useless cause all your doing is hurting me at the moment.

Skep ;) : I'll be down in a minute and then we can talk ok?

Badboylonely :( : Yeah.

Pissbaby: We just gonna ignore the fact Bad swore?

Ducky: Yeah.

Pandas: Let him have it this once. I know how bad it is-

schlatthasabigcock: I really don't give a fuck abt him

Ducky: Bae have sympathy or no sex for weeks ^3^

schlatthasabigcock: I care so much it can't be expressed

Ducky: Come to my dorm in 5 min papi~

Pandas: I want to bleach my eyes, rip them out, throw myself into a fucking river and drown.

*Pissbaby is online*

Pissbaby: We'd be forever grateful :)

Pandas: :(

Chapter Text

**~_Family Groupchat_~**

*BLOOD GOD changed their user to Piggy*
*Dad changed their user to Dadza*
*Piggy, Dadza, Child, Wilby and Beeboi are online*

Piggy: Father.

Dadza: Yes?

Piggy: Tommy won't stop asking me to buy him things

Dadza: Ok and?

Child: TECHNO

Piggy: *sigh*

Wilby: I honestly give up on life.

Child: Whyyyyyyyyyy?

Wilby: I was forced by Techno to wear cat ears and a maid dress for losing a bet.

Dadza: I-

Piggy: In my defence, you started it.

Wilby: I h8 u

Dadza: I have to deal with not only one, not two and not three, but 20 dumb children on a daily basis. Wilbur?

Wilby: Yes dad?

Dadza: Should I add you to the list of mentally deficient children?

Wilby: No...

Child: GHASDJHKVFQSGHJEFYI

Dadza: Toms, you've been on the list since you were born.

Child: TwT

*Hoes Groupchat*

*Pissbaby, gogy, Pandas and 10 others are online*

Ducky: AYYYYY SEÑORITAS

Pissbaby: We're not of that kind.

Ducky: What ''kind''-

Pissbaby: W o m e n.

*Ducky added Schlatt's bbg*

Schlatt's bbg: Sup

Ducky: Hi moinx

Schlatt's bbg: ITS MINX YOU DUMB SHIT

Ducky: :(

Schlatt's bbg: What do you want

Ducky: Three things

Schlatt's bbg: And?

Ducky: Uh- And I want to ask them?

Schlatt's bbg: I don't care what you want.

Ducky: Plz

Pissbaby: LMFAO

Schlatt's bbg: What do you want -_-

Ducky: 1. Dream said Women are ''the other kind''

Schlatt's bbg: SQUARE UP DREAM
Schlatt's bbg: YOU WANNA FIGHT?
Schlatt's bbg: I CAN FIGHT
Schlatt's bbg: F I G H T M E

Pissbaby: haahhahahahahaha no

Schlatt's bbg: Pussy :)

Pissbaby: I feel attacked :(

Ducky: 2. Why is your name schlatt's bbg?

Schlatt's bbg: I'm dating schlatt?

*All group participants are online*
*Ducky is offline*

Schlatthasabigcock: Shit-

Schlatthasabigcock: Minx, we were a one night stand kinda thing yk?

*Schlatt's bbg changed their user to :P

:P : I really dgaf XDDD
:P : Just had to tell quackybae u cheated

Pissbaby: YOOOOOOO

gogy: IHAEGFGWEGYUFGAYUG

Pandas: Damn- Schlatt-

Enderboi: I kinda feel bad for Quackity-

Beeboi: LOL YOU ACTUALLY GOT PLAYED BY SCHLATT OF ALL PEOPLE DFGASVGHCF

Child: Dude- That's harsh-

Dadza: If you need to talk, I'm here!

Wilby: That cheat was so hard i'm laughing-

BadBoyLonely :( : I know the feeling Mr Quackity :(

*Ducky is online*

Skep ;) : r u k dud

*Ducky changed their user to Mr Quackity*

Mr Quackity: Schlatt, we're done.

*Mr Quackity is offline*

Piggy: That was harsh.

Schlatthasabigcock: Babe-
Schlatthasabigcock: I'm sorry.

Sir Jacobs: Damn that cold

**Mr Quackity and BadBoyLonely :( ~ Private Chat**

BadBoyLonely :( : Wanna talk about it?
BadBoyLonely :( : I'm always here Mr Quackity
BadBoyLonely :( : Just talk to me
BadBoyLonely :( : I've always got free time?
BadBoyLonely :( : Please?

Mr Quackity: My dorm, in 5 minutes.

BadBoyLonely :( : BE RIGHT THERE!

*IN QUACKYS DORMMMMMMMMMM*

There was a knock on the door as constant pinging was heard from Quackity's phone - 45 Notifs and counting from Schlatt - he opened the door slightly as Bad scanned his face. Quacky's eyes were puffy and red. His quiet sniffles were adorable but full of sadness.
''Hey, Mr Quackity...'' Bad pulled down his hood and spread his arms out. ''Need a hug?''
Not another word was said as Quackity sunk into Bad's arms, tears threatening to leave his eyes. The little ducky dragged Bad into his room and sat him down on the bed. ''Ready to talk?'' Bad's voice was soft and generous.
''It- It-It's just, I thought he wanted to be with me, hold me and help me when he needs me most but I guess I meant nothing.''
''Oh nooooo! I'm sure he loves you, Mr Q! You just gotta let him speak to you and tell you his feelings!''
''Thank you Bad''
''Anytime.'' Bad took him fully into his arms, almost cradling him. However, what they didn't know was someone else was watching-

*Hoes Groupchat*

gogy: YOOOOOOOOOOO HOES

Skep ;) : Ye

Piggy: Yes*

:P : Yhhyh

*Mr Quackity removed ':P'*

Mr Quackity : What? I don't like the bitch.

*Mr Quackity went offline*

Child: HHBSFHKVCAFURGUTYGAW

Wilby: All Toms' texts consist of 'JGAWERUIFUK' or 'QWERTYUI' or even 'SFGDSDFD'

Child: STFU KSDJGIKASJRGEHAFROLHEFKAJ

gogy: ANYWAY.

*gogy sent a screenshot*

- was a screenshot of bad and quacky hugging but from the angle it was at looked like they were kissing -

*end of screenshot*

Child: ADGFAHGERFUGKERJHFGKJH

Wilby: OOP

Skep ;) : BAD YOU SON OF A BITCH

*Skep ;) is offline*

BadBoyLonely :( : What happened?

*Wilby, Child, Dadza and 10 others went offline*

BadBoyLonely :( : SERIOUSLY-

*Piggy is online*

Piggy: Btw Schlatt is on his way to Alex's Dorm to beat you up for stealing his man :)

BadBoyLonely :( :I didn't- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*Skep ;) is online*

Skep ;) : Ah. Revenge.

~~~~~~~NEXT DAY~~~~~~~

*Schlatthasabigcock is online*

Schlatthasabigcock: So um it turns out that uh-

Schlatthasabigcock: Bad only hugged quacky-

Schlatthasabigcock: and that was to comfort him-

Child: SDKDFASHJFGDFGFGH

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Wilby, Pissbaby, Pandas and 5 others are online*

Skep ;) : Suup fckers

Wilby: Me?-

Skep ;) : Ur ah fcker nw bc u repsondad

Pissbaby: “repsondad”

Mr Quackity: WHERE ARE THE ASKERS? WHERE ARE THE ASKERS? YOU SEE THERES NO ASKERS! NOBODYYYYYY WHO ASKED YOUUUUU

Skep ;) : Ine tha wrld ;)

Pissbaby: He really went there-

Mr Quackity: And you really thought you did something.

Pissbaby: :(

Skep ;) : Btw bad ise made a meh

Mr Quackity: Bad made a you?

Pissbaby: YOU TWO HAD A KID!?

Piggy: What the fuck did I- did I read that correctly-

Dadza: You- YOUR HAVING A CHILD-

*BadBoyLonely :( is online*

BadBoyLonely :( : WAIT GEPPYS PREGNANT-

Skep ;) : NONONONO I MEANT THAT BADS MAD AT ME JEEZ

BadBoyLonely :( : *sigh* I wish you were having a kid, it would look as handsome as you but would probably have a shit personality.

Skep ;) : Bad...
Skep ;) : Look I’m sorry ok?

BadBoyLonely :( : I don’t want your fake apology.

*BadBoyLonely :( is offline*
*Skep ;) is offline*

gogy: HAJAHAGAGAGAJKALAJ

Pissbaby: it’s not funny- but ok-

Pandas: Yeah that was kinda deep not gonna lie

Sir Jacobs: Dude-

gogy: Well actually the funny thing is Bad is in Quackity’s dorm crying :)

Pissbaby: that’s not funny either-

Pandas: Look George, YOU are one of my best friends HOWEVER so is Bad. SO WHY ARE YOU TRYNA RUIN SKEPHALOOO

Sir Jacobs: Yeah, POP OFF BAE

gogy: You and Karl are engaged Sap- I’m alone. So why not make everyone else lonely. :)

*gogy was removed by Mr Quackity*

Mr Quackity: MOTHER I FINISHED TAKING OUT THE TRASH

Pissbaby: JAKAGSGAGSJSLAKG NOW THATS FUNNY

*gogy was added by Pandas*

Pandas: Don’t be so mean, he’s still our friend.

Pissbaby: Sap you just said he needs therapy on our private chat-

Pandas: SHHHHHHH

gogy: -_-
gogy: you realise when you add someone back they can see the messages that were sent when they left-

Mr Quackity: lol. Did I ask?

Sir Jacobs: OOOOOO SASSY QUACKY

gogy: Quackity, go be an asshole somewhere else

Mr Quackity: That’s coming from *your* mouth

gogy: Yes and?

Mr Quackity: And? Do I have to continue? I’ll save you the shame hun.

*gogy left*

Mr Quackity: Wimp.

*Mr Quackity is offline*

Pandas: DAYUM-

Child: I’ve been spectating the whole time. I’m traumatised. However, Quackity is valid.

Wilby: Dad, pick me up I’m scared-

Piggy: Quackity really went there though.
I’m proud.

Pissbaby: Techno.

Piggy: yes

Pissbaby: F u c k Y o u.

Piggy: Anytime ;)

Pissbaby: .

*gogy joined using the group link*

gogy: I would just like to say, Quackity?

*Mr Quackity is online*

Mr Quackity: ?-?

Wilby: Pass the popcorn plz

Skep ;) : *gives popcorn* :D

gogy: I’m...

Mr Quackity: You’re?

gogy: Not sorry for any of that shit. You deserve it. ‘Hun’.

*All Participants are online*

BadBoyLonely :( : SGIAHAGSJAJAGSHSJS

Child: YOOOOOOOOOO

Wilby: SKEPPY I SPILLED THE POPCORN

Skep ;) : NOOOOOOOOOOOO

Pissbaby: THAT ONE THERE WAS SNEAKY

Dadza: This is very inappropriate George.

Piggy: @Dadza You forgot the comma-

Dadza: DID ANYONE ASK? NO, NOW DO YOUR HOMEWORK MISTER

Piggy: *sigh* Yes father.

Schlatthasabigcock: LOL TECHNOBLADE LISTEN TO YOUR DADDY

Piggy: ...

Child: ...

Wilby: ...

Dadza: ...

BadBoyLonely :( : ...

Skep ;) : ...

Pissbaby: ...

gogy: ...

Mr Quackity: ...

Sir Jacobs: ...

Pandas: ...

Beeboi: ...

Enderboi: ...

Schlatthasabigcock: Ok- MAYBE- That was uh inappropriate-

Mr Quackity: YA THINK?

Pissbaby: Brooooooooooo

Pandas: Stfu I’m doing my homework

Dadza: I’m proud @Pandas

Pandas: and I’m failing so I need to be a good Sapnap

Dadza: You know what, for that, I’ll quiz you on Monday and if you pass it’s an A+ on all your past essays
Dadza: Deal?

Pandas: YES THANK YOU

Pissbaby: Watch him fail

Pandas: :(

*BadBoyLonely :( Changed their user to Muffinhead :D*

Muffinhead :D : MR QUACKITYYYYY

Mr Quackity: Sup

Schlatthasabigcock: Hi

*Mr Quackity is offline*

Pissbaby: GET REGECTED

Muffinhead: o_O

gogy: Damn that shit deep-

~~~~~~~1 Hour Later~~~~~~~

Bad was in Skeppy’s dorm crying as he explained his pain and feelings.

“YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ME DO YOU!?”
Bad’s voice was heard on every dorm on that floor.

“I do care Bad and I love you and I’m sorry”

“We are done for real this time skeppy. you weren't there for me and thought I would cheat on you on top of that!! I want someone who would trust me, I love you but until you can prove that, we are done!” Bad burst out into more tears than anyone thought possible and at that moment Quackity was walking down that hallway and noticed the open door. He walked in and ran to bad to console him.

“SKEPPY WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!?”

“Nothing. If anything I should be crying.”

“You asshole.”

**Hoes Groupchat**

Muffinhead: I beat up George.
Muffinhead: he’s bleeding as we speak.
Muffinhead: see geppy?
Muffinhead: I’d do anything for you
Muffinhead: and you’d do nothing for me

Pissbaby: ...

Private Skep ;) > Muffinhead

Skep ;) : Bad...
Skep ;) : This isn’t like you.

Private Mr Quackity > Muffinhead

Mr Quackity: Bad.
Mr Quackity: This isn’t you.

Private Schlatthasabigcock > Muffinhead

Schlatthasabigcock: I don’t really uh care but umm you good bad?

Private gogy > Muffinhead

gogy: Just watch
gogy: I will make your life a nightmare.

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Dadza, Skep ;), Mr Quackity and 15 Others are online*

Dadza: BEFORE ANYONE SAYS ANYTHING AT ALL, I DID NOT ABUSE TOMMY AS A SMALL CHILD I DONT KNOW WHERE THIS RUMOUR CAME FROM BUT ITS NOT TRUE.

Child: Yes you did-

Piggy: No he didn't-

Wilby: Did he or did he not?
Wilby: That is the question.
:0

Muffinhead: PHIL :O

Dadza: I DIDN'T I SWEAR
Dadza: TECHNO HELP

Piggy: What do I get from this? :)

Dadza: Free privilege to beat up Tommy

Child: THIS IS ABUSE

Mr Quackity: Yeah. Animal abuse.

*All participants are online*

Schlatthasabigcock: POP OFF

Pandas: TOMMY? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO GET VIOLATED?

Child: You're making it sound like I just got harassed-

Pandas: oOp

Pissbaby: JFAKFAUFAIFKF

Sir Jacobs: Sassy Quacky is back

Piggy: Tommy I don't feel bad

Wilby: You did this to yourself-

Dadza: I- I'm not sorry-

gogy: Ah yes on terms of sorry, Quackity I deeply apologise and my actions were completely wrong.

Mr Quackity: Yeah just like you ~3~

*Schlatthasabigcock changed their user to Quackybaeismywifu*

Mr Quackity: Awww Schlatt :D

Quackybaeismywifu: Will you, Quackity, take me schlatt, to be your boyfriend?

Mr Quackity: You know it bae xx ^3^

Skep ;) : NO THEY'RE BACK TOGETHER, THE PAIN TwT

Mr Quackity: What's so bad about it?-

Wilby: The constant flirting

Piggy: NO ONE in the dorms gets sleep

Child: Your relationship is porn hub in a nutshell-

Dadza: How would you know that young man.

Child: Uh- ahhaahhahahaahhaahhahaahahahaahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhah
Well-

Enderboi: LAKASAHAH TOMMY THATS SAD

Beeboi: Get wrekt

Wilby: Not Tommy exposing himself

*Dadza removed Child*
*Dadza removed Beeboi*
*Dadza removed Enderboi*

Dadza: No more children :)

Pissbaby: Remind me not to get on his bad side-

Piggy: DOWN WITH THE ANARCHY

Mr Quackity: That was so random-

gogy: .-.

Pissbaby: •-•

*All participants offline*

Private Skep ;) > Muffinhead

Skep ;) : Bad!

Muffinhead: yeah?

Skep ;) : You looked nice today!

Muffinhead: Awww geppy thanks!

Skep ;) : Your really handsome and any man would be lucky to have you, so please meet me at "*Location with fountain*" at 4:50PM <3

Muffinhead: Aww of course I'll be there! And are you trying to get us back together-

Skep ;) : Who knows ;) I'll be waiting love :D
<3

~~~~~~~THE FOUNTAIN~~~~~~~

"Hey Bad." Skeppy announced his presence as he walked toward him. Bad was wearing black nail polish and his usual hoodie, but in the pocket was a small flower that Skeppy got on their first date 2 years ago. Skep was dressed up in a dark blue suit, his hair combed back and buttons done up. Bad thought he looked smart.

"I- You look great! Smart, you know?" The older said with a tad of excitement. Skeppy walked forward and took bad's hand in his.

"Badboyhalo. I've known you for a long time now and it comes to me as no surprise how awesome and beautiful you are. Heck, when you said you beat up George for me, my heart lit up even thought we both knew it was wrong. When I'm around you I go weak and my limbs feel like they're breaking because your being here is just enough for me to fall to the ground. So, that being said," He got down on one knee. "...Will you, BadBoyHalo, Marry me?" He held out the ring in sheer confidence, scared of what his significant other may think.

"Geppy..." The tone in his voice scared Skep but he still had high hopes.

"Yes bad?"

"Of course i'll marry you!" This sentence alone made Skeppy ecstatic as he slipped the ring onto Bad's finger and stood up to kiss him and wipe his tears away.

"I love you Bad"

"I love you too geppy"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Hoes Groupchat*

*Muffinhead changed their user to Skep's Fiancé*
*Skep ;) changed their user to Bad's Fiancé*

Pissbaby: Oh?

gogy: could care less .-.

Pandas: Ignoring George, Ooooooo

Wilby: OH OH OH

Piggy: WAIT-

Mr Quackity: LAJSGSHAHA

Quackybaeismywifu: :)

Bad's Fiancé: WER GTING MERIED

Skep's Fiancé: "We're getting married"

Pissbaby: NO WAY

Wilby: Woah

Dadza: I'm proud and so is this university, also if you don't let me invite my wife I kill u all :)

Skep's Fiancé: you can bring your wife-

Dadza: Gud

*Dadza added Beeboi, Enderboi and Child.*

Dadza: Bad and Skeppy are getting married.

Child: HOW MUCH DID I MISS AJAHAAHKAHAGSK

Beeboi: Congrats you two :D
Beeboi: Name the kid Toby or we're gonna have some issues :)

Enderboi: Tubbs-

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*

*Mr Quackity, Pandas, gogy and 5 others are online*

*Mr Quackity added DropsByPonk and Sam Nook*

Sam Nook: Hellooooooo

DropsByPonk: Hey Sammy, your so cute ;)

Pissbaby: Aww

gogy: Eww

Pissaby: George :(

*THIS NEXT PART CONTAINS A HOMOPHOBIC SLUR. SKIP OF UNCOMFORTABLE*

gogy: What.

Pissbaby: I offered for you to go out with me and you refused me so-

gogy: Yeah, cause I'm not a fag like you.

*WARNING ENDED :)* (It's safe now :D)

*All participants are online*

*Pissbaby is offline*

Pandas: GEORGENOTFOUND HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

Enderboi: George...

Beeboi: That's too far.

Child: GEORGE YOU ARE A FUCKING DICK AND ASSHOLE AND YOU RUINED DREAM! I THOUGHT HE WAS YOUR BEST FRIEND AND BEST FRIENDS ARE SUPPORTIVE YOU IDIOT!

Dadza: That was highly inappropriate George.

Wilby: George that's unforgiving.

Skep's Fiancé: George, how could you...

Bad's Fiancé: Goerge u r nt a gd prsone

Piggy: I will drop kick you and it won't be in self defence :)

Quackybaeismywifu: George, even I wouldn't stoop that low-

Sir Jacobs: Dude-

DropsByPonk: I can't describe how bad I have the urge to hit you with a chair.

Sam Nook: I don't expect this from you George.

~~~~~~~
*Private Pandas > Pissbaby*

Pandas: You good Dream?

Pandas: plz respond

Pissbaby: Just upset.

Pissbaby: He could have just rejected me normally but he had to, not only offend me but all of us; Bad, You, Karl, Skeppy, Quackity, Schlatt and I know Tubs and Ranboo are questioning theirs so now they might feel bad or upset, maybe not normal even. All because I thought he was my best friend.

Pandas: It's not your fault ok?

Pandas: We all love you acknowledge you! So if not George, You have us.

Pisssbaby: Thanks man.

Pandas: :D
~~~~~~~
*Hoes Groupchat*

*Pissbaby, Pandas, Mr Quackity and 2 Others are online*

Enderboi: Dream are you ok?

Beeboi: Yeah you alright?

Pissbaby: I'm feeling better thanks to Sap but I'm mostly worried about everyone else yk?

*Beeboi changed their user to Tubee :3*

*Enderboi changed their user to Enderboo :3*

Pissbaby: You two are too cute even if this is platonic XD

Tubee :3: Thank you !

Enderboo :3: :)

~~~~~~~
Private Enderboo :3 > Pissbaby

Enderboo :3 : I think I have little feelings for Tubbo, Not like sexual or anything like ew no thank you but he's really important to me you know? A little bit more than Platonic?

Pissbaby: Yeah duh
Pissbaby: I get it, like how you feel. Most people experience love. To be fair, I once did. Until he called me a uh not very nice slur...

Pissbaby: But anyways I think you should talk about this to Phil, he's your Dad ain't he?

Enderboo :3 : Oh I did but since he and mom were first loves and he's never been rejected before, I wanted someone who's had this kind of experience to help if I get rejected.

Pissbaby: Ohhhhhhh I get it-
Pissbaby: You want help from a reject

Enderboo :3 : You're not a reject ok? Anyone would be lucky to have you BUT You have been rejected before so uh yeah

Pissbaby: Well if you truly love someone, that love will never disappear no matter how hard you try, but you can move on. Just try to forget? That's what I'm in the process of and it is kind of not working but that's all I got kiddo.

Enderboo :3 : Thanks.

Pissbaby: No Problemo :)
~~~~~~~
*Hoes Groupchat*

*Mr Quackity, Pandas, Quackybaeismywifu and 7 others are online*

Mr Quackity: Yall

Pandas: Yes?

Piggy: WHAT

Wilby: Gonna pretend I care

Mr Quackity: I went to visit my parents-

Piggy: And? I live with mine, Torture.

Child: :(

Wilby: :(

Tubee :3 : :(

Enderboo :3 : :(

Dadza: lol you're banned from seeing anyone afterschool cause of that comment ^3^

Piggy: *sigh* Smile through the pain.

Mr Quackity: AND I brought Schlatt :)

*All Participants are online*

Pissbaby: YOU DID WAT-

Pandas: QUACKY- NO-

Enderboo :3 : DHGAFWHDADSHFA

Tubee :3 : I wanna know how that went not gonna lie-

Child: When your so dum you let schlatt visit your parents = @Mr Quackity

Mr Quackity: When your so dumb you can't spell dumb = @Child

Dadza: :/

Skep's Fiancé: Quackity-

Bad's Fiancé: I thot i ws dumm

Mr Quackity: And I know you're dumb :)

Skep's Fiancé: QUACKITY! BE NICE.

Mr Quackity: -_-

Mr Quackity: Anyway. My parents kicked him out and prayed for me :(

Pissbaby: LOL

Mr Quackity: and I'm upset

Dadza: Why?

Skep's Fiancé: Why?

Mr Quackity: Because they didn't kick him out cause he's well Schlatt

Skep's Fiancé: Then why'd they kick him ou- oh..

Mr Quackity: Yeah. Cause I'm gay...

Skep's Fiancé: Need a hug?

Mr Quackity: Yeah.

*Quackybaeismywifu changed their user to Schlattisuseless*

Mr Quackity: Schlatt...

Schlattisuseless: You don't like me for me, your parents...I'm not good for you...but I can't leave you because my love for you keeps me here even though sometimes I feel like you wanna get rid of me :)

Mr Quackity: Don't just- Not in front of everyone else don't do this now.

Schlattisuseless: This is honestly how I feel.

Skep's Fiancé: Wanna talk about it Schlatt?

Schlattisuseless: Please.

Skep's Fiancé: You know where my dorm is, you're always welcome here! :D

Schlattisuseless: Thanks.

~~~~~~~
Private gogy > Schlattisuseless

gogy: No one likes you Schlatt
gogy: You saw the amount of people that we're disappointed in you
gogy: You're not fit to be a good boyfriend to Quackity. He doesn't love you. AT ALL.

**This user was blocked by the other participant**
~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~AT BAD'S DORM~~~~~~~
Schlatt walked into Bad's dorm and looked around and immediately caught sight of a picture of Bad and Skeppy kissing, them getting engaged and their dates. Some of them just hanging out as bros. Schlatt felt even worse.

Him and Quackity didn't have pictures like that. Quackity refused to take pictures like that, his reasoning being that he ''didn't want to get too attached'' because knowing Schlatt he'd ''walk away and leave Quackity on his own''. That honestly wasn't the case and he knew it. This was because the only time they broke up was the ''Minx incident'' or so it was called.

''Hey Schlatt! So what's up?'' Bad said with a smile.

''Dorm's nice.'' The male replied.

''Uh. Thanks? But that's not the reason your he-''

''How?''

''What?'' Bad was confused. Really confused.

''How the actual fuck are you so nice. Hmm? CAUSE I TRY SO FUCKING HARD TO BE PERFECT TO BE WHO EVERYONE WANTS ME TO BE BUT IT DOESN'T WORK BECAUSE WHEN IM NICE IT'S NEVER 'OH THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT SCHLATT' NO. I GET FUCKING 'SCHLATT ARE YOU OK? WHAT'S WRONG?' IM SICK OF IT!''
It's like somehow Bad just triggered something in Schlatt that made him obliged to tell him how he feels and why he's feeling it. Bad didn't even let out his infamous 'Language'.

He just said a simple, ''Oh.''

''I'm so sorry...I should leave.'' Schlatt said as he got up, only to feel a hand tugging at his wrist and to be pulled into a tight hug.

''Don't change who you are for anyone ok? I know how you feel. I wasn't always this nice.''

''Really?'' Schlatt relaxed into the warm embrace.

''Yeah. I have a tattoo to prove it. Skeppy's the only one who knows, so do you too I guess.'' Bad let go and lift hid sleeve to show a tattoo of a rose surrounded by vines.

''Woah. Thank you. This helped.'' He showed a small smile. ''You're a nice dude Bad.''

''So are you. You're always welcome here!''
~~~~~~
Private gogy > Skep's Fiancé

gogy: Today's the day the tables turn Bad.

Skep's Fiancé: Get ready to lose :) You're done for, even Dream, the only the person whose ever loved you, is sick of you. I would be too.
Read 12:34PM
~~~~~~

*Hoes Groupchat*

*gogy, Pandas, Pissbaby and 5 others are online*

gogy: I'VE BEEN STABBED

Pissbaby; WTF ARE YOU OK?!

Pandas: Wait what.

gogy: Bad stabbed me!

Skep's Fiancé: WHAT NO

Pissbaby: BAD WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Pandas: Dream calm down.

Pandas: Can anyone vouch for either of them?

Schlattisuseless: I can vouch for Bad. Been with him for the past hour hanging out and I've needed him to talk to since I have no friends.

Skep's Fiancé: I'm your friend? :D

Schlattisuseless: Of course.

Pandas: Well I know that's true because Schlatt don't vouch for no one.
Pandas: George? Are you lying?

gogy: WHAT NO HE DID IT I SWEAR! DREAM!

Pissbaby: Fuck off George.

*All participants are online*

Piggy: WAIT-

Child: DID DREAM JUST-

Wilby: SAY FUCK OFF TO-

Dadza: GEORGE-

Tubee :3 : IS HE IN-

Enderboo :3 : THE RIGHT STATE OF MIND?!

DropsByPonk: We love to see family finishing each others sentences

Sam Nook: BUT SERIOUSLY DID DREAM JUST DO THAT?

Schlattisuseless: POP OFF GREEN BLOB

Pissbaby: Says the one I with literal horns-

*gogy was removed by Pandas*

Pandas: ^3^ <3 @Sir Jacobs

Sir Jacobs: Love you too <3

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*

*Pissbaby, Pandas, Piggy and 5 others are online*

Pandas: Hey guys?

Pissbaby: Yeh?

Piggy: No Tommy I'm not gonna tell Skeppy that Bad kissed Quackity

Piggy: Fuck- Wrong Chat-

Piggy: I MEAN MMM HAHA JK

Piggy: MMMMM HAHA JK

Child: *internally facepalms*

Child: Just delete it before anyone but Sapnap sees it-

*Piggy deleted a message*

Pandas: WAIT ACTUALLY!?

Child: Yeah apparently

Pandas: Who said? Cause if it was George than it's probably a lie-

Child: The thing is, George did say that, HOWEVER, Bad gave Quackity some sort of ring so we don't know.

Pandas: Uh it's probably not true.
Pandas: Because he's getting married, Bad gave his closest friends gold rings with their names on it, so did Skeppy.

Child: Ah ok
Child: False alarm Techno

*Piggy sent picture*
(George and Dream kissing)

Piggy: Look what I stumbled across in the hall :0
Piggy: Worst thing is
Piggy: George has a girlfriend

Pissbaby: No he doesn't

Piggy: Dream.
Piggy: You're lying to yourself.

*Pissbaby added gogy*

gogy: What's up babe?

Pissbaby: George... You don't have a girlfriend, do you?

Child: Don't lie George. You were kissing near the bleachers during Sap's football match.

Pandas: Yeah. You were.

Gogy: IT WAS ONCE I SWEAR CLAY

*Pissbaby changed their name to Nightmare :(*

Nightmare: Heart been broke so many times, I
Nightmare: I got guns to my head and they won’t go
Nightmare: ALL AROUND ME ARE FAMILIAR FACES
Nightmare: I’m mister loverman, and I miss my lover man
Nightmare: I, can’t be the only, one who's lo-o-nely tonight, no I, can’t be, the only
Nightmare: Heatwaves been faking me out, can’t make you happier now :(

Pandas: Damn that’s some deep shit-

Sir Jacobs: Yeah- Dream, you good?

Nightmare: Yeah, no, yeah, no :)

Pandas: *sigh*

Skep’s Fiancé: You wanna talk about it?

Nightmare: No. Thanks for the offer. I don’t want help from anyone in a relationship. So, Skeppy, Bad, Sapnap, Quackity and Schlatt.

Enderboo :3 : What if you came and talked to me?

Nightmare: That- is not a bad idea.
Nightmare: Be there in 10

Enderboo :3 : Alright.

Pandas: Awwwwwwwwww friendship and bonding :)

Dadza: Anyone seen Wilbur?

Pandas: No but he was online a while ago
Pandas: Should be fine
Pandas: Don’t worry Sir

Dadza: Just call me Phil
Pandas: Then he’ll be ok Phil
Pandas: If you want I can go look for him?

Dadza: Please, Thanks

Pandas: No problemo

~~~~~~~IN RANBOO’S DORM~~~~~~~

‘’Hey’’ As soon as Dream got there he saw Ranboo in the door frame with sore, red and puffy. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days or he’d been-

‘’Have you been crying?’’ Dream interrupted his own thought process making the small comment, checking if the other was alright. He wasn’t going to lie. Ranboo is like the son he’ll never have but the son he’s always wanted.

‘’Uh- Maybe- Look this is about you not me, ok?’’ Mark tried pretty hard to get off the subject but Dream kept pushing it.

‘’Tell me or i’m not telling you what’s up with me’’ Ranboo gave him the death stare and invited him in. They sat on the black and white couch as Mark kept talking about his problems. ‘’...And that’s the story of why i’m too scared to tell Tubbo that I like him.’’

‘’Dude- If you build up the courage to tell him then it’ll all pay off in the end. I can’t speak for Tubbo when I say this but I think if you asked him to go out with you, then he’d accept. And unlike George, If he didn’t like you back then he’d let you down slowly and you’d still be friends in the end.’’ The tall blonde idiot tried to comfort the boy and slowly but surely his efforts paid off.
‘’Thanks Dream.’’

‘’No problem.’’

‘’Also you are so stupid.’’

‘’WHAT DUDE GEORGE JUST GOT WITH ME TO CHEAT AND HURT ME- oh’’

‘’Yeah you’ve been telling me your problems this entire time’’

‘’Sorr-’’

‘’I’m not complaining tho’’ Ranboo’s soft smile was plastered across his face as he leaned over to hug his friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Private Pandas > Wilby*

Pandas: Yo Wilbur you good?
Pandas: Man?
Pandas: Just thought I’d tell you, your Dad’s worried
Read 2:10 PM

Pandas: Dude I know you can see this
Pandas: That’s it I’m coming down to yours
Pandas: Be there in 5
Read 2:45 PM

~~~~~~~Wilbur’s Dorm~~~~~~~
Sapnap got to Wilbur’s dorm but before he could knock he heard guitar playing and a familiar voice.

‘’I won’t wear the cat ears
I won’t wear the cat ears
I won’t wear the cat ears
I won’t wear the cat ears,
Please just don’t make me wear the cat ears!’’

Sap chuckled.

‘’It’s not an ahegao hoodie,
It’s a work of art.
I get turned on by my reflection in passing cars
I’m looking for a window to another world
Where I don’t feel as lost and bored and
I Just don’t wanna be a softboy anymore.
I wanna be yours-’’

He was interrupted by the sound of the door opening. Sapnap took a couple steps in and looked at the boy in a beanie and a brown trench coat, guitar hung around his neck and pen and notepad in hand. ‘’Uh hi? Thanks for barging in-’’

‘’Just checking on you. Your Dad was worried but it turns out wittle wilby was just singing his wittle song’’ Sap mocked the younger and just burst out laughing. ‘’Oi don’t look at me like that kid, I was just joking dumbass, I like the song. Honestly, you should wear the cat ears’’ And with that, he left.
‘’Hah idiot.’’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Pandas, Wilby, Skep’s Fiancé and 5 others are online*

Skep’s Fiancé: Me and Skeppy just wanna announce the guest list!

Pandas: The one me and Karl helped with?

Bad’s Fiancé: yeaa

Bad’s Fiancé: Sapnap , Dream , Phil , Ranboo , Tubbo , Wilbur, Karl , Techno , Quackity , Schlatt , Ponk , Minx , Punz , Fundy , Eret , Antfrost , Vurb, Spifey, Mega, Bad’s pearents and ma paerents.

Child: Why am I not invited-

Bad’s Fiancé: caus i sd so

Skep’s Fiancé: Tommy you are invited and IF george apologises for everything and makes it up to Dream then he come too.

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Nightmare, Pandas, Bad's Fiancé and 10 others are online*
*Schlattisuseless changed their user to Horn(y)*

*Nightmare changed their user to Pissbaby*

Bad's Fiancé: GUYS

Pissbaby: You turned on autocorrect so this must be important-

Pandas: Yeah?

Piggy: What.

Wilby: Yes?

Bad's Fiancé: ME AND BAD JUST FOUND OUT IM PREGNANT- HELP-

*All participants are online*

Horn(y): JAAKAHSGSGJAK

Piggy: Do thy eyes deceive me?

Wilby: Tf-

Piggy: Taking theatre this year

Wilby: Ah.

Child: I hope the child ain't as dumb as you cuz your American XD

Mr Quackity: And I know the kid is gonna have more common sense than Tommy cause he bows down to a prehistoric old lady ~3~

Child: :(

Sir Jacobs: SASSY QUACKY THE MOVIE NO. III IS OUT IN CINEMAS NEAR YOU NOW.

Pandas: Babe XD

Sir Jacobs: Love you sappy
<3

Dadza: I pray for you two cause um look at my children-

Piggy: Father-

Wilby: Dad-

Child: DAD YOU FUCKING DICK

Enderboo :3 : :(

Tubee :3 : :(

Sam Nook: Just try to keep it out of prison-

Horn(y): Your lives are over :D

Mr Quackity: OI BAE LET THEM BE PEACEFUL WHILE THEY CAN

Skep's Fiancé: What if we idk aborted the child...

Mr Quackity: HOW DARE YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT BADBOYHALO! YOU WILL BE THE BEST PARENTS I SWEAR TO GOD ALRIGHT? I HAVE COMPLETE 100% FAITH IN YOU AND SO DOES THE OTHER 2/3 OF THIS GROUPCHAT!
If you think that bad will be a good parent say "i"

Bad's Fiancé: I

Tubee :3 : I

Enderboo :3 : I

Wilby: I

Dadza: I

Piggy: The I on my keyboards is broken ^0^

Dadza: Oi be nice you little shit

Piggy: *sigh* yes father-

Horn(y): I

Mr Quackity: I

Sam Nook: I

DropsByPonk: I

Pandas: I

Sir Jacobs: I
Sir Jacobs: How did this even happen btw? Like how did Skeppy get pregnant

Pandas: Yh males don't get pregnant-

Skep's Fiancé: Basically, we went to the hospital cause Skeppy kept throwing up and it turns out that since Skeppy's father was a bee hybrid just like Tubbo, and his mother was a diamond hybrid, he gained genes from his father that allow him to get pregnant.

Tubee :3 : WAIT I CAN GET PREGNANT-

Bad's Fiancé: Yh

Tubee :3 : NOOOOOOOOO

Enderboo :3 : That's kinda cute tho-

Skep's Fiancé: I'm really not fit to be a dad, I'm the worst at parenting! My parents abandoned me!

Piggy: Then do this kid a favour and don't fucking abandon it. Or we will have issues.

Bad's Fiancé: Yu n bad o yu n th kd-

Piggy: Me and bad already have issues since he's an orphan. But abandon that kid and I will drop kick it in self defence :)

Bad's Fiancé: k

Skep's Fiancé: I just don't know what to do..

Bad's Fiancé: Tu beh fiar, I wnt ths kd bad

Skep's Fiancé: Alright. I guess we should keep it if this is what you truly want

Bad's Fiancé: Thnk yu bae

Wilby: Ew-

Pandas: Calm down music boy

Wilby: :( this is abuse

Pandas: Oh stfu

Mr Quackity: Bad. If anyone were to choose someone that wasn't Phil to be their parent they'd pick you I swear it.

Bad's Fiancé: I love you bad

Skep's Fiancé: Love you too Skep

Pissbaby: Awwwwwe
Pissbaby: That some cute shit :)
Pissbaby: Anyways I gotta introduce all of you to someone important.

*Pissbaby added DreamXD*

Pandas: Oh for the love of god-

DreamXD: Congats on your child, "Skep" and Ba- Oh. Bad I see you've found a partner.

Skep's Fiancé: Fuck off.

DreamXD: No.
DreamXD: Clay?

Pissbaby: What.

DreamXD: I stole your mans ^3^

*Pissbaby is offline*

Pandas: YOU ONLY EVER BRING MISERY JUST GET OUT OF DREAM'S LIFE!

Skep's Fiancé: YEA GO AWAY!

Bad's Fiancé: I'm so confused-

Ok

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*
*DreamXD, Mr Quackity, Piggy and 15 others are online*

DreamXD: Hello People.

Mr Quackity: Hi? Uh-

DreamXD: Yes Alex?

Mr Quackity: Don’t call me that. Only my FRIENDS call me that.

DreamXD: We could be friends?

Pissbaby: lol no.

DreamXD: What, Clay?

Pissbaby: THERE IS NO WAY JN HELL YOU RUINING MY FRIENDS LIVES LIKE MINE and I really dislike u >3<

DreamXD: Aw. How disgusting.

Pissbaby: ‘PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE-‘ Ranboo 2020

Enderboo :3 : 0-0

DreamXD: Now now. Where are your manners.

Pissbaby: They left with my dad when he went to get the milk so jokes on you :P

*All participants online*

Mr Quackity: YOOOOOO

Child: THAT ONE THERE WAS A VIOLATION

Wilby: PERSONALLY I WOULDNT HAVE IT

Dadza: Damn that’s deep-

DropsByPonk: NAH YOU VIOLATING DIFFERENT TWT

Pissbaby: But like the love I have for DreamXD is just like the respect I have for George.

DreamXD: Oh why thank you.

Pissbaby: None.

DreamXD: HOW DARE YOU.

Wilby: *plays your new boyfriend*

Piggy: The lower dreams respect for George, the higher my respect for dream.

Skep’s Fiancé: Techno-

Bad’s Fiancé: Heh ant weing thoe

Skep’s Fiancé: *he ain’t wrong tho

gogy: Dream I’m sorry

Dadza: George, I think it would be better to say it to his face because you can’t change the past but you can help change your future.

Tubee 3 : ~Dad 2021

Pissbaby: That’s a seggsy quote Phil ~.~

Dadza: I don’t know whether to say thank you or impale yourself /j

Pissbaby: WAIT THE ONE AND ONLY

Pandas: PHIL WATSON

Tubee :3 : KNOWS HOW TO USE

Enderboo :3 : TONE TAGS

Wilby: :0

Child: :0

Piggy: :0

Horn(y): You guys are as big as a joke as dream is

Pissbaby: you forgot the XD

Mr Quackity: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Wilby: SUCK IT OTHER GREEN BOIIIIIIIIII

DreamXD: if you don’t respect and value me, I could kill you all from the touch of my fingers.

Pissbaby: Shiver me timbers -_-

Sam Nook: Oh no I’m frightened :P

Wilby: Bold of you to assume I valued you at all

Piggy: Bold of you to assume I want to live

Bad’s Fiancé: Bld o u tu asum i wld lt u tuch meh

Skep’s Fiancé: *Bold of you to assume I’d let you touch me

DreamXD: I know your deepest darkest fears.

Wilby: JOKES ON YOU CAUSE I AM MY DEEPEST DARKEST FEAR BITCH

Child: we aren’t scared of you ok- just that long ass cloak you got on

Mr Quackity: Why did I read that as cock-

Tubee :3 : HAJASGHSSKAKSHSH

DreamXD: What the actual Fuck is wrong with you people-

Piggy: My parents died in war and Phil took me in, now I go to school here :)

Wilby: My own dad killed me cause I asked him to.

Dadza: I killed my son, now he’s a ghost

gogy: I’m always ignored unless I’m the bad guy

Child: I lost my best friend cause of rumours

Pissbaby: Dad went to get the milk
:(

Tubee :3 : Felt that :(

Enderboo :3 : I have a crush on someone that I’m supposed to be platonically married to

Tubee :3 : What-

Enderboo :3 : Nothing -3-

Pissbaby: Also Heartbreak

Pandas: I actually think I’m the only sane one here-

Sir Jacobs: Me too-

Horn(y): My family disowned me

Mr Quackity: Really!?

Horn(y): No- I just wanted to have an issue like everyone else-

Mr Quackity: -_-

DreamXD: You lot are fucking demented- I didn’t actually ask I really don’t care-

Wilby: *sigh* I even put my son up for adoption and he got adopted by “eret” ugh

Piggy: Fucking eret -_-

Bad’s fiancé: Y du u h8 eret

Piggy: No reason it’s an ongoing joke :)

Skep’s fiancé: He’s actually pretty cool! He’s bi and head of the cheer team. Yes, I said cheer team-

DreamXD: Yall need help I’m gone .-.

*DreamXD left*

Pissbaby: LETS GOOO WE DROVE HIM OUT WITH OUR STUPIDNESS AND PROBLEMS

Skep’s Fiancé: *Stupidity

Pissbaby: Did I ask? No.

Skep’s fiancé: :(

Dadza: I run therapy on Mondays if you wanna come

gogy: Count me in

Pissbaby: I’m in

Wilby: I’ve been going for the past year and I’m still in the same place as I was before :)

Dadza: Well- it’s settled then.

Enderboo :3 : Tommy dragged me to find techno cause he’s been offline for 5 minutes -_-

Dadza: Oh yeah- Where is techno-

Wilby: No one cares about techno and his hate of orphans

Dadza: Your about to be an orphan if you don’t shut the fuck up

*Wilby is offline*

Mr Quackity: Would you adopt me then in his place?

Dadza: you’re worse.

Mr Quackity: :(

Dadza: What I’m right-

*Mr Quackity is Offline*

Pissbaby: LAKSHSGSHAKA

Dadza: You can’t say anything clay.
It’s kinda obvious why your dad went to get the milk

*Pissbaby is offline*

gogy: GET WREKT

Dadza: Don’t even try it George. Why do you think you have no friends?

*gogy is offline*

Dadza: Ah. Peace.

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Pissbaby, Pandas, Mr Quackity and 12 others are online*

Pissbaby: TOMORROW IS THE WEDDING DAYYYYY!

Pandas: I can’t believe bad has 2 best men-

Pissbaby: Who cares I just want cake-

Bad’s Fiancé: thus s y I chse spifey :P

Skep’s Fiancé: I got stuck with these idiots

Pissbaby: Well apparently sap and spifey are doing a speech

*Bad’s Fiancé added Spiffy*

Spiffy: Hello!

Bad’s Fiancé: If tomorrow isn’t perfect I will murder everyone you love /hj

Spiffy: :0

Skep’s Fiancé: Why are you surprised? It’s skeppy for gods sake

Spiffy: He used autocorrect :0
Spiffy: Tomorrow will be perfect :)

Bad’s Fiancé: Good.

Pissbaby: So who’s wearing the dress ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bad’s Fiancé: That’s a secret ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Spiffy: Are we just talking with Lenny faces now? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bad’s fiancé: Yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Pissbaby: Seggsy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Bad’s Fiancé: 0-0

*All participants are online*

Piggy: OI IDIOTS

Child: WE HAVE A SURPRISE FOR THE SOON TO BE WED AND RUIN THEIR LIVES

Skep’s Fiancé: Wait what-

Wilby: A POEM

Dadza: I had nothing to do with this-

Wilby: Bad

Child: Skeppy

Piggy: Complete idiots

Bad’s Fiancé: I know bad is but how dare you call ME that :(

DropsByPonk: Who fell in love

Sam Nook: However

Spiffy: That’s the dumbest thing they’ve ever done

Skep’s Fiancé: NOT YOU TOO SPIFEY

Pissbaby: Their journey will end

gogy: The day they die

Bad’s Fiancé: .-.

Pandas: Because they’ll be together till death do them part

Skep’s fiancé: Ok that’s kinda cute

Enderboo :3 : And of course

Tubee :3 : They will die

Piggy: When they kill each other

Bad’s Fiancé: :0

Piggy: From not being able to stand the other anymore

Wilby: Cause they’ll be one too many vios

Child: And Bad will end up in heaven

Spiffy: While

Pandas: Skeppy rots

Pissbaby: In hell :)

Child: THE END
Child: WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED

Bad’s Fiancé: oh I hated it-
Bad’s Fiancé: but I’m not gonna deny the accuracy

Skep’s Fiancé: geppy..don’t scare me like this...

Bad’s Fiancé: I’m joking. I love you bad

Skep’s fiancé: Love you too Geppy

Pissbaby: Save if for the wedding jeez

Pandas: GET A ROOM

Horn(y): That’s my line :(
Horn(y): Oh yeah. I have a bone to pick with u two.

Skep’s Fiancé: What-

Horn(y): WHY WOULD YOU INVITE MINX

Skep’s Fiancé: SHES OUF FRIEND NOW SHUT YOUR MUFFIN AND GO TO SLEEP

Pissbaby: Oh he really did tho-

Skep’s Fiancé: Dream if you don’t go to sleep so help me I will ask your dad to come back from the local Sainsbury’s (A/N: Sorry I live in England-) AND BEAT YOUR BUTT JUST TO LEAVE YOU AGAIN

*Pissbaby is offline*

Skep’s Fiancé: That’s what I thought.

~~~~~~~WEDDING DAY!~~~~~~~

Bad sat in his seat squirming as his makeup was being done. He looked like a princess all pretty and dressed up for the wedding. His dress flowed, laced with flowers and sown with utter perfection. He was currently getting comfort from his “best men” because he caught cold feet at its worst.

“What if I’m not good enough? What if he really does leave me? WHAT IF HE DIVORCES ME AND IM ALL ALONE! THIS IS BAD BAD BAD UGH I HATE MYSELF!” Bad screamed looking in the mirror with tears filling his eyes.

“Hey bad...shh. It’s ok it’s ok. Dream went to go check everything’s alright with Skeppy and you’ll be fine ok? I swear it. If he didn’t really love you then he wouldn’t have proposed would he?” Sap said, trying to keep the other calm.

“H-He only did that to s-save our relationship!”

“He wouldn’t have saved it if he didn’t want it. Listen to me right now BadBoyHalo. YOU ARE PERFECT! Anyone. Would be lucky to have YOU!”

He let out a breath of happiness. “Thank you Sap”

Dream walked in with Phil, Fiddling with his tie. “Alright. This is it. You ready man?”

Bad takes a deep breath, happy but so worried at the same time. “Yeah.”

Bad hooked his arm around Phil’s and whispered “I’m scared...” and he replied with in the sweetest voice he could muster as they walked towards the aisle.

“Listen, you’re gonna do great ok? We all love you and care about you so much! You can do this. Believe me.” They finally got there and started to walk as the music played.

To his surprise, Wilbur was on the piano playing the angelic tune with a bit of a uh Wilbur twist to it- This actually calmed bad down as he locked eyes with Skeppy who had just turned around and the last words he heard from Phil were, “You got this.” Then he departed and sat in his row.

Bad knew it. This is it. All his nerves disappeared as he looked at Skeppy and heard whispers around the room consisting of ‘he looks great’ and ‘I’m so proud’.

Then the priest- I mean, the uh Quackity started talking- “Yes I am a qualified priest, *cough* no I’m not *cough*. BEFORE WE START. IF ANYONE SHALL OBJECT TO THIS BEAUTIFUL ART PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUISNESS U TWAT.”

Bad laughed a bit but noticed Skeppy’s sister growled a bit and scoffed looking down at her phone.
Bad whispered to Skeppy “is she ok?” Only to get a “don’t worry we had a conversation earlier.”

Then Bad calmed down and took in the beautiful sight before him. (NO NOT QUACKITY I MEAN SKEPPY- oh you knew I meant Skeppy- damn this awkward-) Quackity began again, “Do you, Zak take Darryl to be your lawfully weed- I MEAN WED! I MEAN WED! wife?”

“I do.” As Skeppy spoke Bad’s heart was pumping out of his chest and he was ready for anything to happen.

“Do you Darryl take Zak to be your awfully wed- I MEAN LAWFULLY GODDAMNIT- uh Wi- NO NO HUSBAND YEAH HUSBAND-?”

Bad lightly chuckled and said “I do! Forever and ever and ever!”

Quacks signalled the ring bearers to go up to the stage, it was two small kids, one Micheal, Tubbo and Ranboo’s son and the other, the one and only, tommyinnit in a- TOMMY IN A SUIT POG!?

They exchanged rings and continued the ceremony.

Quackity let out a small aw and continued “I now present to you, dumbass and idiot. I’m sorry I give up- NOW KISS FUCKERS!” Bad leaned in and connected his lips with the blue haired boy not wanting to let go.

Everyone clapped and screamed but the one person who stood out was Zak’s sister who sat there disapproving it all. However, The older ignored it and smiled a sweet smile, holding his new husband’s hands.

~~~~~~~THE AFTERPARTY~~~~~~~

Skeppy and Bad sat together hand in hand, Bad’s head on the shorter’s shoulder. “Oh no Spifey’s speech is first-“

“What’s so bad about it?” Bad asked.

“It’s Spifey- What isn’t bad-“ ‘oh’ he thought awaiting the speech to come.

“Hello. My name is Spifey and I have no speech.” Skeppy just sighed and looked at him in disappointment. “I HAVE A SONG! Thank you to Wilbur for the help. AHEM.!”

“I know, that when people fall apart, it’s never pretty, nor sad or scary. Just waiting for every-one to come back together. But oh no I have high hopes for this! These are my best friends, my beautiful best friends and no I won’t trade them for anyone! Now they got married, living a romance story, while I lie, here on the darkest nights, waiting to console them, when they, need me most!” Everyone cheered and laughed, some said he looked like a sad old man but Skeppy and Bad shared a small kiss.

“Wasn’t that bad was it?” Bad said.

“No, it wasn’t.” Skeppy smiled brightly and they both lost all hope for their secrets as Sapnap stood up. He looked around the room for any reassurance that it wouldn’t be that bad but all he got was Dream looking evil and Schlatt flirting with Quackity.

“Oh my muffin-“

“SUP MAMAS! IM SAPNAP AND IM YOUR HOST FOR TODAY’S ‘Let’s spill Badboyhalo’s secrets’” Sapnap looked at Bad with a Lenny face and Bad could only watch. “First thing, BAD SWEARS OFF CAMERA! Second thing, him and Skeppy used to be fuck buddies...” Bad blushed and realised all his friends and FAMILY (that he had left) were in the room. Muffin.

Bad glared a “shut the fuck up or you are dead you fucking dick” look at sapnap but he laughed it off and kept talking.

“AND FINALLY NUMBER 50! BadBoyHalo...IS AN ARSONIST.” Everyone gasped and Bad just smirked.

“HE LIT MY HORSE ON FIRE IN MINECRAFT ITS NOT FAIRRRRRRR! And that is the end goodbye.” Sap just sat down and started laughing as he watched all the guests shot him weird glares, he’s sure someone even called the police cause they showed up 15 minutes later question bad.

~~~~~~~NEXT DAY~~~~~~~

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Bad’s Fiancé, Pissbaby, gogy and 15 others are online*
*Bad’s Fiancé changed their user to Bad’s Husband*
*Skep’s Fiancé changed their user to Skep’s Husband*

Skep’s Husband: I’m happy :D

Bad’s Husband: Me too :D
Bad’s Husband: Hollup lemme turn off auto correct real quick-

Skep’s Husband: SKEPPY-

Pissbaby: Already arguing like a married couple.
Pissbaby: Oh wait- They are a married couple-

Chapter Text

*Family Groupchat*
*Dadza, Child, Wilby and 2 others are online*

Child: Dad I’m sorry-

Dadza: Techno tell Tommy that I don’t accept his apology.

Piggy: Dad, it’s just spaghetti left overs-

Dadza: And they’re just orphans.

*Piggy is offline*

Wilby: I mean it is only food-

Dadza: I will expose you and Jared :)

*Wilby is offline*

Enderboo :3 : Oooo Spill Phil ;)

Dadza: Why are you even in this you aren’t family-

Enderboo :3 : Tubbo added me because technically I’m his husband!

Dadza: Oh. yeah. Ok.

Enderboo :3 : So, what about Jared ;)

Dadza: I will tell tubbo about your unrequited lo- lemme not finish ;)

*Enderboo :3 is offline*

Tubee :3 : What were you saying Dad?

Dadza: Nothing :)

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Pissbaby, gogy, Skep’s Husband and 15 others are online*

Skep’s Husband: Helloooooo

Dadza: Shut it demon boy.

Pissbaby: OOP- HAS PHIL TAKEN THE TITLE OF SASSY QUEEN!?

Mr Quackity: Oi @Dadza

Dadza: Yes?

Mr Quackity: You couldn’t last a day doing what I do.

Dadza: Ohhh you mean sitting around on your flat ass all day,
right?

*All participants are online*

Pissbaby: THAT ONE THERE WAS A VIOLATION

gogy: PERSONALLY I WOULDN’T HAVE IT

Dadza: Please, George you are so weak you’d just sit there and take it.

gogy: :(

DropsByPonk: NAHHHHHH I HAVE SAID THIS 2 TIMES AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN
DropsByPonk: YOU LOT VIOLATING DIFFERENT TWT

Pandas: PHIL SHIVVFFIHVSIHDV

Enderboo :3 : He’s only doing this cause Tommy ate his left over spaghetti-

Dadza: And you’re only living cause no one has killed you yet :)

Tubee :3 : Dad leave my hubby alone

Dadza: Do not get me started on you tubbo.

Child: Dad please talk to me T-T

Wilby: I have secrets I need to keep-

*Wilby is offline*

Dadza: At least he knows what’s good for him.

Skep’s Husband: Phil please stop being mean...

Bad’s Husband: OI DONT MAKE MY HUSBAND CRY YOU DICK

Dadza: He’s crying over that XD
Dadza: Bad you’re 26.
Dadza: Grow up please.

*Skep’s Husband is offline*

Tubee :3 : Dad you’re never like this! There must be something going on!?

Bad’s Husband: HE BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON OR IMA PULL UP AND IT WONT BE PRETTY HAHHAHHAHAHAH

Dadza: Fine.
Dadza: Give me a minute

*NO KIDS ALLOWED!*
*Dadza, Bad’s Husband and Pissbaby are online*

Bad’s Husband: SPEAK UP

Dadza: So. You know how Wilbur is a ghost?

Pissbaby: Yes, go on.

Dadza: He came to me the other day crying.
Dadza: Said he wished ‘e was still living.
Dadza: Wished I ‘aden’t taken ‘is life
Dadza: He was sleep walking at 2am
Dadza: Couldn’t remember it this mornin’

Pissbaby: Oh...

Bad’s Husband: Oh. Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that stuff without uh hearing you first...

Dadza: I just feel so guilty man...I’m a failure of a dad

Pissbaby: Look. You did what you had to do!
Pissbaby: You helped him cause he asked you too
Pissbaby: And that’s a dad’s job.
Pissbaby: So you didn’t fail at anything.

Dadza: Thank you.

Pissbaby: Anytime

*Hoes groupchat*
*Pissbaby, gogy, Dadza and 5 others are online*

Pissbaby: If it’s not too much trouble, I told the others

Dadza: That’s fine

Wilby: Dad I’m sorry

Dadza: “Ehhhhhh it’s fine” -Technoblade 2020

Wilby: hah

Pissbaby: LOL

Piggy: We must kill all orphans.

Dadza: Even orphans are better than you.

Piggy: :(

Dadza: :)

~~~~~~~NEXT DAY~~~~~~~

Private Piggy > Dadza

Piggy: DAD WHY IS THERE A KID IN MY ROOM
Read 2:30am

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Pissbaby, gogy, Piggy and 5 others are online*

Piggy: DAD. WHY IS THERE A KID IN MY ROOM!?
Piggy: I WAKE UP AT 2AM AND THEN I SEE THIS- THIS THING”
Piggy: SPRAY IT. SPRAY IT WITH HOLY WATER
Piggy: Oh wait I can’t touch holy water- WILBURRRRRRRRRR

Dadza: CALM DOWN
Dadza: it’s just Michael

Piggy: WHY IS HE HERE

Tubee :3 : Me and Ranboo left him with you because we wanted a week to ourselves so we can relax for once! Dad said it’s ok-

Piggy: ALDHSHSN ITS NOT OK
Piggy: DAD IF THIS THING IS IN MY ROOM FOR ONE MORE SECOND THEN IM COMMITTING ROPE AROUND NECK

Dadza: OK OK IM COMING UPSTAIRS TO GET HIM CALM DOWN

Pissbaby: Oop-

~~~~~~~1 Hour later~~~~~~~

*Piggy changed their user to SUBSCRIBE TO TECHN*

Pissbaby: For fu**s sake
Pissbaby: Why the f*ck is it censoring the curses-

SUBSCRIBE TO TECHN: There weren’t enough characters for TECHNOBLADE so now it’s TECHN
:(

gogy: Dude-
gogy: Change it back

SUBSCRIBE TO TECHN: no*insert heart emoji*

gogy: @Dadza

Dadza: Change it back Techno.

SUBSCRIBE TO TECHN: ok >:(

*SUBSCRIBE TO TECHN changed their user to Tech-no-orphans*

Dadza: FCAGJCAHUFAUGFJGSC

Child: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Tech-no-orphans: ^3^

Pissbaby: THATS F**CKING HILARIOUS
Pissbaby: OH FOR F**KS SAKE
Pissbaby: DA*NIT
Pissbaby: BAD THIS IS YOU ISNT IT YOU LITTLE BI**H

Skep’s Husband: No more saying cuss words guys :)

Child: *insert meme*

Skep’s Husband: -_-

Tech-no-orphans: Guys...

Pissbaby: WHAT THE F**K DO YOU WANT

Tech-no-orphans: I’m dying

Pissbaby: Did I ask.

Pissbaby: ugh f*ck

gogy: Wait- WHAT IF HE’S ACTUALLY FUCKING DEAD-

Pissbaby: HOW THE F**K ARE YOU ALLOWED TO SWEAR
Pissbaby: JGAVDCIHVVAIA NO
Pissbaby: Bad
Pissbaby: You f**king piece of sh*t
Pissbaby: I’ll f**king stab you’re parents :)

gogy: What the fuck-

Skep’s Husband: AHHHHHHHHHHH HES HERE

Bad’s Husband: BITCH
Bad’s Husband: SHIT
Bad’s Husband: UGH
Bad’s Husband: DAMMIT
Bad’s Husband: FUCKING UGH
Bad’s Husband: NONONONONO

gogy: Wow ok-

Pandas: Pop off I guess?

Dadza: Ok then-

Skep’s Husband: Dream beat me up
Skep’s Husband: Send help

Bad’s Husband: Why need help when you have me :D

Skep’s Husband: Yeahhhhhh SEND MORE HELP

Bad’s Husband: That’s just cold-

gogy: Oh yeah and I just wanted to say, I bought you all presents and flowers, I also wrote letters to everyone that should’ve gotten to your dorms yesterday, they’re all personal and I’m really sorry for what I did.

Pissbaby: Yeah I got it <3 I forgive you just don’t do “that” again

Pandas: Why didn’t I get one-
Pandas: Oh.
Pandas: Oh no I see how it is
Pandas: You don’t love me do you goerge :(

Horn(y): ‘goerge’

gogy: ‘goerge’

Pissbaby: ‘goerge’

Bad’s Husband: ‘goerge’

Skep’s Husband: ‘goerge’

Child: ‘goerge’

Wilby: ‘goerge’

Pandas: Wilbur is back from the dead just to say ‘goerge’ I see.

Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’

Pandas: Stop.

Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’

Pandas: Actually dude stop it.

Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge
Wilby: ‘goerge’

Pandas: WILBUR

Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’

Pandas: I will kill your parents

Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’

Dadza: WOW YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR OWN FATHER HOW DARE YOU

Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’
Wilby: ‘goerge’

Pissbaby: Damn that cold-

gogy: And your hot ;)

Pissbaby: (〃^ω^〃)

Wilby: Ewwww Daddddd the adults are flirtinggggg

Child: Dadddddd I’m more mature than Wilburrrrr

Wilby: Daddddd I need permission to throw Tommy into the trash disposallllll

Child: Daddddd Wilbur is trying to throw me into the trash disposalllll

Dadza: Boyssss if you don’t shut up I will throw you both in the trash disposal

gogy: LMFAO

Pissbaby: GUYS FINISH THE SENTENCE - You know you’ve found your soulmate when ______

*All participants are online*

Tech-no-orphans: They’ve subscribed to Technoblade

Wilby: They play the guitar

Child: They are a bootiful women :)

Tubee :3 : Their name is ranboo and they’re half enderman :)

Enderboo :3 : (〃^ω^〃)

Pissbaby: They’re colourblind and not found

gogy: The only thing they can draw is a green blob

Dadza: She’s as beautiful as when I first saw her (///0ω0///)

Sam Nook: He bought a supreme mask and wears it A LOT

DropsByPonk: He’s obsessed with creepers

Pandas: He gets annoyed when his nail polish gets ruined

Sir Jacobs: They NEVER take their bandana off

Mr Quackity: When he’s always horny ~3~

Horn(y): When he’s a flatty patty but makes it hot as fuckkkk

Pissbaby: Alright- next one - I’m not sorry that I ____

Tech-no-orphans: DROP KICKED THAT CHILD IN SELF DEFENCE AND COMMITTED ARSON IN WHICH I BURNED DOWN SEVERAL ORPHANAGES

Dadza: What the fuck-

Wilby: I hit Tommy over the head with my guitar

Dadza: WILBUR-

Wilby: ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Child: OH OH I BROKE WILBURS GUITAR!

Wilby: SO IT WAS YOU!

Child: oh shit-

Wilby: YOU MOTHERFUCKING LITTLE DICK SUCKING ASSHOLE

Child: I’m not gay-

Pandas: But if I was I would want equal rights ;)

Sir Jacobs: I accidentally spilt juice on Sap’s bandana-

Pandas: WAIT- WHAT-

Sir Jacobs: I put it in the wash when you were sleeping :0

Pandas: KARL JACOBS YOU LITTLE- DAMMIT-

Pissbaby: AT LEAST YOU CAN F**KING SWEAR
Pissbaby: FOR F**KS SAKE-

Skep’s Husband: I’m not changing it so STOP TRYINGGGGGG!

Pissbaby: F u * k. Y o u.
Pissbaby: SERIOUSLY

Bad’s Husband: Don’t even try.
Bad’s Husband: I will kill your entire family.

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*
*Pissbaby, Tech-no-orphans, Pandas and 10 others are online*

Pissbaby: Guys i look so ugly :(

gogy: What! no you don’t!

Wilby: Yeah dude your not ugly
Wilby: Wouldn’t say your hot tho :)

Child: PFFFTT

Tech-no-orphans: I think the bitch do ^3^

Pissbaby: :(

~~~~

Pissbaby: Everyone introduce yourselves as what your bio would be like for social media

Tech-no-orphans: Just an ordinary 21 year old minecraft player uwu
Tech-no-orphans: I like to stab orphans :)
Tech-no-orphans: hehe
Tech-no-orphans: Just ditched a woman, Feeling good

gogy: I have mixed emotions about this

Tech-no-orphans: mmm wall :)

Pissbaby: the fuck-

Tech-no-orphans: hey :)

Child: I’m traumatised-

~~~~

Pissbaby: YOU

gogy: CAN’T

Wilby: BE

Tech-no-orphans: SCARED

Child: OF

DropsByPonk: GAY

Mr Quackity: PEOPLE,

Horn(y): JUST BECAUSE

Sam Nook: BILL AND TED DOWN THE ROAD ARE HAVING

Bad’s Husband: SEX

Skep’s Husband: LANGUAGE!
Skep’s Husband: DOESN’T MEAN

Pissbaby: YOU CAN BE SCARED

Tech-no-orphans: OF THEM.

Wilby: YOU’RE

Child: JUST

Dadza: A

gogy: WANKER !

~~~~
Wilby: 2-1-1-3
Wilby: it was never meant to be :(

Pandas: Dog yeet, con-crete, gotta pee
Pandas: I’m a 19 year old boy- what do you want from me

Pissbaby: I’m like a little Pissbaby ;)
Pissbaby: Georgeeee tell me you love meee

Child: Hey tubbo :)
Child: Tubbo like a da bee
Child: GOGY WHAT IS AN STD?

Sir Jacobs: Mom, my friends are bullying me
Sir Jacobs: OHH JIMMYYYY

gogy: haha I like your cut g
gogy: I burn you? You melt me :)

~~~~

Pissbaby: Please I need you

gogy: I do need you, cmon

Tech-no-orphans: my cold heart is warming

Dadza: I didn’t think you had one?

Tech-no-orphans: :(

Pissbaby: Alright tell me you love me and then I’ll consider it

gogy: ...

*all participants online*

Dadza: ITS ABOUT TO HAPPEN

Wilby: O YEAH

Child: I’m actually intrigued in them partaking in the gay :)

Tech-no-orphans: Please just say it
Tech-no-orphans: the fact your taking so long to express your love for each other is what makes me dread living another day

DropsByPonk: YALL BUILT DIFFRENT, YALL VIOLATE DIFFRENT and yall love different <3

Sam Nook: Please please say you love him

Horn(y): Ewwww love

Mr Quackity: Oww that hurt..

Horn(y): I’m joking I love you

Mr Quackity: <3

Enderboo :3 : Don’t make it about yourselves .-.

Tubee :3 : Ranboo you’ve never said you love me

*Enderboo :3 is offline*

Tubee :3 : Ouch..

gogy: I...

Dadza: THIS IS IT

gogy: love you dream :)

Horn(y): YES YES YES- I mean uh nooo so bad

Mr Quackity: Congrats :D

Tubee :3 : I wish I was loved

Dadza: you’ve got your fathers love tubbo <3

Tubee :3 : Thanks dad..

Wilby: Awwh Tubbo :(

~~~~

Pissbaby: But Tommy I’m a god.

Tubee :3 : I’m watching Wilbur soot

Wilby: :)

Child: George cannot be found

gogy: and all my friends think I’m really hot

Child: Especially your daddy dream ;)

gogy: (///030///)

~~~~

Chapter Text

*Hoes Groupchat*

*Pissbaby, Mr Quackity, Bad's Husband and 10 others are online*

Pissbaby: Uh guys I think something's up with Techno-

Wilby: I HAVEN'T HEARD THE WORD ORPHAN IN A WEEK SO NOW IM WORRIED

Mr Quackity: Eh he's probably fine

Dadza: Uh well umm actually-

Horn(y): Why haven't you been in class "sir"?
Horn(y): This is kinda hypocritical for someone who gives me detentions for being late or skipping -_-

Dadza: I'm uh

Wilby: he's on house arrest

*All participants except "Tech-no-orphans" are online*

DropsByPonk: HE WHAT!?
DropsByPonk: YOU LOT ARE DEFINITELY BUILT DIFFERENT-

Sam Nook: What happened?

Mr Quackity: ?

Child: You never even told us why you were on house arrest :(

Tubee :3 : I'm officially offended

Enderboo :3 : Phil :(

Dadza: Ranboo *insert knife emoji*

*Enderboo is offline*

Tubee :3 : ah. I can see his tall figure running towards my dorm.

gogy: Phil please explain .-.

Pissbaby: e x p l a n

Mr Quackity: "explan"

Horn(y): "explan"

gogy: "explan"

Tubee :3 : "explan"

DropsByPonk: "explan"

Sam Nook: "explan"

Pandas: "explan"

Wilby: "explan"

Child: "explan"

Skep's Husband: "explan"

Bad's Husband: "explan"

Pissbaby: :(

Dadza: So techno may have had a run in with DreamXD and burnt down an orphanage, drop kicked 15 children (not including Tommy) and I tried to hide him from the police so I got on house arrest because apparently I was an 'accomplice'
Dadza: I'm gonna visit him today, I talked to me officer and went to court to extend the amount of places I can go to so now I can go to the prison, supervised of course.

Child: THE BLADE IS IN JAIL

Skep's Husband: Never thought he'd actually go through with it-

Wilby: well actually he's in prison cause jail is where they temporarily hold the criminals

Mr Quackity: Oop-

Horn(y): Tea ;)

Dadza: -_-

Pissbaby: Someone has to go visit techno with Phil-

Dadza: That would be a great idea.

Tubee :3 : Dibs not it

Enderboo :3 : Not it

Child: Not it

Wilby: not it

Bad's husband : Nt it

Skep's Husband: No thank you o_O

Horn(y): God no

Dadza: how about you clay? You suggested it?

Pissbaby: How abouttttt no<3

Pandas: No tank u

gogy: yh no

Sam Nook: no

DropsByPonk: no<3

Dadza: :(

Pissbaby: :)

Dadza: Well I'm going?
Dadza: On my own?
Dadza: Alone?
Dadza: HELLO!?
Dadza: No one cares-
Dadza: wow that hurt.

~~~~~~~VISITING TECHNO~~~~~~~

"Hello. State your name and age for the records, Who you'll be visiting and proof of identity, please." Phil gave the policeman a cold glare and proceeded to talk.

"Philza and I'm 36. Here to see Technoblade, here's my passport." The police man took the passport from Phil's hand and gave it to another officer who assessed the validity of it.

"Go in, just a warning, he's a bit vicious." This made Phil give an annoyed stare at the man who just opened the gate with a 'ah right ok.' And accompanied him to the cell.
The man in uniform said he had 45 minutes and opened the cell, Phil walking in only to be locked in with him. Immediately, Phil was grasped into a hug by a puffy eyed, tears running down his cheeks and orange jumpsuit-ed Technoblade.

"You alright techno? You look like shit." The pink haired boy chuckled.

"Thanks for the compliment ;)"

"How's life been in here? Sorry I couldn't come earlier, all the court dates were taken-"

"Been good. The only thing that is pissing me off is I don't have a hairbrush so my hair is pretty tangled- Get it? No? Ok."

"Uh- Anyways- I brought some stuff they let me bring for you!"

"Dad..."

"I got you some home made muffins and pasta, also some letters from me and my new number just in case"

"Thanks dad. Means a lot."

"No problem son."

They talked for ages until Phil had 5 minutes left.

"So ummm when you getting out?"

"2 months with therapy and weekly updates with the police. When you get off house arrest?"

"1 month if I 'admit' to the crime and if not, 2 months."

"Knowing you, you don't give up easily fighting for real justice hah"

Then a man with a baton said '3 MINUTES!'

Phil said his last few words to tech, "your my oldest friend and son. Don't let shit get to you. Fight for your beliefs. Bye love ya dude!"

"Love you too dad." Phil smiled and then realised where they were and a slight frown appeared on his face as Techno went back to drawing a picture of his family on the wall with a small piece of white chalk.

"Sir. You may leave." The same officer opened the cell door and let Phil out as Techno turned to wave at him, a couple tears streaming down his face.

Philza felt BAD and when I said BAD I meant REALLY BAD. But he had to do what he had to do. He heard the sound of the lock as the officer escorted him to the reception where he was taken by another officer to his house.

"Uh thanks?-" Phil just bluntly said as the cop rolled his eyes and activated the device around his ankle as he entered the house. When he left all Phil said was "Ugh police."

~~~~~~~Hoes Groupchat~~~~~~~

Dadza: Techno looked so malnourished and upset :(

Child: R.I.P The blade ~ We loved you dude. Fly high.

Wilby: He ain't dead asshole .-.

Child: DADDDD WILBY SAID IM AN ASSHOLEEEE

Dadza: Wil-

Wilby: DADDDD TOMMY'S A SNITCHHHH

Child: DADDDD WILBY IS SNITCHING ON ME FOR BEING A SNITCHHHH

Dadza: FOR FUCKS SAKE SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU UGLY WRETCHES

Wilby: ...

Child: ...

Wilby: This is abuse on a whole new level-

Dadza: oh I'll show you abuse :)

Child: HAH

Dadza: you're not safe toms :)

Child: ...

Wilby: 3

Child: 2

Wilby: 1

Child: FUCKING RUN FOR YOUR LIFE

~~~~~~~10 Minutes later~~~~~~~

Pissbaby: You guys ok?-

Horn(y): .-.

Child: I'm traumatised-

Wilby: I'm speechless-

Dadza: :)

gogy: GUYS I JUST GOT A NEW HOODIEEEEE

Mr Quackity: nobody cares.

Horn(y): nobody asked.

Pissbaby: SO GO FIND SOMEBODY WHO CARES

Wilby: AND SOMEONE WHO ASKED

DropsByPonk: Anybody? Askers?

Sam Nook: Askers?

Child: Askers?

Pandas: Askers?

Dadza: WHEREEEE ARE THE ASKERS MY FRIENDDDD

Skep's Husband: u se thrs nu aksers ma frein.

Bad's Husband: WHERE ARE THE ASKERS!?

Sir Jacobs: WHERE ARE THE ASKERS?

Mr Quackity: YOU SEE THERES NO ASKERS. NO
BODY WHO ASKED YOUUUUUUUU

Horn(y): In the world.

gogy: Don't come at me :(

Pissbaby: Who said it wasn't payback for all the shit you did?
Pissbaby: I mean I love you but...revenge is best served cold motherfucker.

Mr Quackity: Funny story actually, Schlatt cheated on me with my mother once. Ahh. Memories. I got back at him by kissing Skeppy in front of him :)

Bad's Husband: Uh yht ws suposd tu umm b a scret

Skep's Husband: Skeppy. HOW DARE YOU. BETRAY MY TRUST NOT ONCE. NOT TWICE. THREE FUCKING TIMES.

Pissbaby: Badboyhalo.

Pandas: Just..

Sir Jacobs: Swore...

Dadza: ...

Mr Quackity: Here we go again. Bad X Skeppy fails compilation: Married edition .-.

Skep's Husband: don't even get me started with you.

Bad's Husband: Bae I ws juns doning a fabour or Quackitity XD

Skep's Husband: Ugh I'm done

*Skep's Husband is offline*

Bad's Husband: I dnf undresabt y he so passsd-

Pissbaby: lol I can't deal with this rn- tis ur problem