Chapter Text
Oh no! I had so much more to do. I've let them down. All of them. Ben, I'm sorry. I thought we had more time.
The thoughts raced through her head as she fell. For the first time in 10 months, since Crait, her mental wall came crashing down. He felt it, sitting at morning-report, listening to the department heads' boring updates. He felt her regret, sadness, anger and fear explode into his consciousness. It was a shock and a relief after so many months of silence from her end of their connection.
A millisecond after she reached out to him, Ben, I'm sorry, he felt her pain. He knew she had fallen.
The surprise of her finger-hold crumbling to dust, followed by the sudden falter of her balance caused her to fall. But, if she were honest with herself, the real reason she was lying on the floor of the cave was the months of keeping her end of the bond clamped closed. It was exhausting, like a deep depression. The pain was so intense it made her body tremble and a cold sweat broke out around her hairline. She struggled to form a thought, tried to catch her breath and assess her situation. She couldn't pick her head up and there was no point in the darkness of the cave. She was close to passing out.
I'm going to die. In the dark. Alone. Always alone.
The instant he felt her pain, the Supreme Leader stood from his chair, declared the meeting over, and dismissed his staff. The last person to leave the room was Hux.
"Having a force moment, are we?" Hux said, standing by the door.
"Yes, get out!" Kylo sneered.
He replied to Rey through the force, You’re not alone. Tell me where you are. I'll come to you.
Ben, it's too late. There's no saving me.
He could feel her sadness, her hopelessness, like a punch in the stomach.
Just tell me where you are. Please. Rey. Let me find you. Please.
He could feel her on the verge of losing consciousness, so in a panic he forced his way into her mind through the bond to find her location. She was like an open book that he could page through and see every thought she had ever had. He found what he needed as he stomped quickly to his quarters.
He packed and shouted orders through his com to ready his ship. He ran to the central supply carrying his bag over one shoulder while giving Hux the minimal information that he could to explain his sudden leave.
The officer behind the counter in front of the tall rows and rows of supplies choked on her caf when the Supreme Leader rushed towards her. Kylo ignored her, jumped over the counter and began going through the inventory.
"May I help you, my lord?" the officer asked, at attention.
"I need a med kit, a medic droid, lamps, heaters, blankets, food, water, something to sleep on. Quickly! It's an emergency!" Kylo exclaimed.
"Yes, my lord. Right away," the lieutenant said, as she ran to fill Kylo's order.
Frantically, Kylo helped himself to the MREs reserved for generals and crammed them into a duffle bag.
After the officer handed him bags full of supplies, she stood at attention holding out a data pad for inspection and authorization.
Kylo looked at it and said, "I don't have time for that. I'll sign it when I get back and I will reward you for keeping this between us." He noticed her name on her uniform and tucked it away for later.
The officer responded, "Yes, sir."
Kylo left for his ship carrying four large duffle bags full of supplies, having to use the force to help him because of the weight. He was about to board his ship when he thought better of it. He scanned the hanger and found a confiscated cargo ship and decided to take it instead.
Too many attempts on his life had left him paranoid.
Crew scrambled to fulfill his orders to make the ship ready. He loaded all his gear aboard and then took the captain's chair and entered Rey's coordinates. The nav calculated the journey would take four hours from his current position.
He didn't know if she would last that amount of time.
He reached out for her through their connection and could feel her, cold, alone, in the dark, in pain, just barely conscious.
Rey, I'm coming. I'll be there in four hours. You have to stay alive. Wait for me.
He pushed his thoughts gently to her mind and tried something he had never done before. Closing his eyes, he centered himself to send the force to her. He wasn't sure if it worked, but it was all he could do from so far away.
A crew member flashed a flag to indicate he was clear to take off. He exited the hangar and began his race to find Rey.
I'm cold. He'll never make it in time. I can feel it. I'm so broken. Even if he gets here before I die, what can he possibly do? Hold my hand while I die? Actually, that might be nice. To see him. To feel like I did so long ago in that hut, when I was a foolish, naive girl who thought I could change him. That he needed me. A scavenger. A nobody.
Her mind drifted from memories of her childhood to memories of her time with the resistance. All the faces she knew so well that had impacted her life. None of them were as memorable as his and she kept going back to it over and over in her mind.
What if we had met years ago before the war? Before all the trauma and suffering that marred the development of our minds and souls? What if we had met as just a boy and girl? Would he have seen anything in me? If I didn't have this power, would he have offered his hand to me?
She felt a wave of warmth run through her body that tingled all the way down to her toes. It made her relax on the cold, dirty floor of the dark cave. The feeling eased her rambling thoughts. She heard a “Yes'' in her mind, but couldn't tell where it came from as her eyes closed and she drifted off, drowning into her subconscious.
The Supreme Leader was a mess. He walked away from the captain's chair and paced in the common area of the ship. There was nothing he could do but wait. His legs took him through the ship with his mind only half noticing what was around him. He found the fresher and had a shower. Then he wandered to the galley, ate a protein bar and drank some water. Finally his nervous energy was spent, his legs like jelly, he sat on the floor.
He hadn't attempted to meditate in a long time. He had been too busy with running the galaxy and fending off his own murder. He felt like a novice as he tried to center himself and calm his thoughts, but he knew he needed to do this. He needed to be as mentally strong as he could be for her sake.
Slowly, he opened himself completely to the force, both the light and the dark. Snoke had trained him to cut off the light, and for years he had tried, but it had always seeped in as if through the cracks of a closed door. It didn't want to be ignored. Now it rejoiced in his acceptance. It surrounded and flooded him and caused him to levitate where he sat.
A ship alarm brought him out of his meditation to alert him that he was 30 minutes away from his destination.