Archive of Our Own ^beta

“We got nothing to lose...”

The music keeps humming as Caleb speaks to the audience, but it might as well be blaring in Luke’s ears. His chest is pulsing; do ghosts even have a heartbeat? Or is this a faint memory from live performances in his past? Maybe this is what dying feels like. Real dying. Becoming a ghost was a step down from life and now he’s on the edge of nothingness. An eternity of nothingness.

The lights hurt his eyes, and this isn’t their music despite what his limbs are doing. There’s no connection to the guys or the audience. Luke finds himself thinking that they might as well be dead with gentle irony.

Something pulls against Luke’s chest as he sees Alex’s disappear from the back of the stage. Seconds later Reggie has disappeared too. He stumbles in a circle, scanning the crowd for their faces.

“They’re gone.” Caleb’s voice is whispering in his ear despite him standing at the front of the stage.

Luke’s desperate at this point: scanning the room for some sign that they haven’t gone yet. Everyone is moving so slowly around Luke and he has to force himself to focus on Caleb who is not stood close facing him rather than the fear that his friends- brothers- no longer are with him.

“Gone where?” Luke’s voice is raised. He’s desperate to sound stronger than he feels but his voice wavers slightly. They wouldn’t have left him, no matter where they’re going. They’d all have gone together.

Caleb doesn’t stop to answer the question. He’s smiling, as though he genuinely is enjoying this moment.

“They follow you, Luke.” He laughs mockingly, “You want to be the reason they cease to exist? One word from you and they’ll be happy to stay here with me. With you. An eternity of music! Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted?” Caleb’s song is getting louder and louder in Luke’s head and he feels his knees buckle from beneath him, almost knocking him to the ground as he holds the edge of the stage to keep standing. It doesn’t stop, “You’ve killed them once already. You’re the reason they’re here in the first place, right? Just four lost boys brought together by music? Ha! Of course not! You were the driving force behind Sunset Curve every single time. They had lives before you. They had a future. But you had nothing and you wouldn’t stop pushing them.”

Luke is shaking his head. That’s not true. Their parents didn’t care about them, the guys had no one else. All of them wanted the band to succeed. That’s all he ever wanted. Not this, he never thought-

“Even that night. You wanted to play the Orpheum so badly; you didn’t care if it killed you to get there. Did you ever think to stop about what they wanted? Reggie and Alex worship you and all you have ever done is brought them pain.”

Luke stumbles his fingers as he clutches onto this guitar, this stupid fancy collar is choking him. Tears spring to his eyes. Where are Reggie and Alex?

“That’s not true!” Luke cries out, begging the noise to stop. “We’re family.”

Caleb raises a finger gently to Luke, bringing his chin and eye line to meet the man towering above him. He begs his body to stand taller but there’s nothing left to fight for. He’s let everyone he’s ever cared about down. Alex, Reggie, his Mom and Dad, Julie.

Julie. Grief hits him in a wave as he realises that he might never get to say goodbye to her. Surely he’s missed the concert by now? He imagines her stood on the stage alone; yet again alone in making music. All he wants is to be with her at the end of all things. And with Reggie and Alex holding onto him as they pass over together.

Luke gathers enough strength to stand up and takes a step towards Caleb.

There’s a small lull in the music, as though Caleb has been taken by surprise and lost control for a moment. Luke exhales a sharp breath in relief. There was still music playing though, soft drumming and a guitar he’d know anywhere. The guys are out there playing their music! His fingers are thrumming against the strings of his guitar, but this time they’re not playing along to Caleb’s music.

“And it’s one, two,...”

Suddenly the room has vanished and Luke feels his soul pulled towards the music. It’s Julie voice calling out to him, drowning out any of the other instruments around him. It lasts only for a second, but his hands already know exactly what he is truly meant to be playing.

Caleb’s voice, insistent and urgent, calls him back, “You’re going to die, Luke. You and your little friends. This is your last chance to make the right decision!”

“That I’ll try for one more night...”

Luke finally sees her. Julie standing with a mic in her hand and he can hear Reggie and Alex with her. They made it. She glows on stage in her beautiful purple dress. All he wants to do is keep hearing their beats, their music, her voice. He knows she can see him too and hopes that she knows how hard he is fighting to play with her. As hard as he tries, he can’t stay with them and Caleb drags him straight back to his own club’s stage.

“Light a fire in my eyes...”

“That girl.” Caleb spits, but even as he speaks Luke flickers back and forth. He knows that Caleb can’t hold him there much longer. “Is she really worth dying for?”

Luke smiles. At both Julie and at Caleb’s words. At seventeen, there are so many things that he will never get to experience or see or hear. But death brought him to her and he will die a thousand times over again for a chance to sing with her. To be truly connected to her. He has never been so certain of anything in his entire existence.

“I’m going out of my mind.” His mouth has opened before he realises that he’s singing on stage. And he feels the strings that bind him to the guys tighten and pull him into the song, securing him next to them on stage. There is nothing else here but the strings and the guys and Julie. He cannot take his eyes off of her and she grins and steps closer to him, never wavering in her preformance. No audience. It doesn’t matter.

They’re here with him at the end and they will keep singing until nothing is left of him. This is where he was born and died to stand. No regrets.