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Chapter Text

It was Fili’s turn to welcome the newest caravan of dwarves to Erebor.  Sometimes it was a job he didn’t mind.  He was always excited to see a group from the Blue Mountains because he knew most everyone that came from there.  But more often than not, they were dwarves he had never heard of and were here to see if they could find some way to get their hands on some of Erebor’s wealth.  Fili felt very protective of that wealth.  It wasn’t that he wanted it for himself, but he didn’t like others trying to get their sticky paws on it when they had offered nothing in the way of aid or support when Thorin had asked for loyal dwarves to help him reclaim their home and gold.

Fili watched now as the caravan, if one could call it that, arrived at the main gate.  There was only one wagon, driven by two tired looking ponies.  A dwarrow and his dam sat in the wagon, the other dozen who were with them, were walking.  They looked weary and their packs looked very heavy on their backs.  Fili noticed three of the company were dams, females.  The one in the wagon had white hair.  She had to be in her second century.  Another one, with black hair looked to be his mother’s age.   The third one, though, was younger.  She was pretty with dark auburn hair, like mahogany.  She looked tired.  They all did. 

As they trudged up the last little ways, Fili turned to his page.

“Are their rooms prepared?” he asked.

“They are, my Lord,” the young page bowed.

Fili nodded.  They didn’t have many rooms ready for newcomers, yet.  They had some temporary living quarters for new residents to stay in until they could find or be assigned a permanent place to live.  Still, the rooms would be comfortable and everyone would have a bed to rest their weary heads.

The leader of the caravan came to Fili and bowed, deeply.  The others followed. 

“Welcome to Erebor,” Fili said.  “I’m Prince Fili.”

“My Prince,” the dwarf said, “My name is Vhig.  We are Firebeards from Nordel in Anorien in Gondor.  We seek opportunity to take up residence in Erebor.”

“We have rooms prepared for you.  As I’m sure you are aware, you will need to report to the records office and declare your plans or intentions for your residence here, but we will not do all of that today.  I see you have travelled far and are weary.  Come, we have rooms prepared, food waiting, and there is good plumbing into the rooms for bathing,” Fili took Vhig’s hand and wrist in his own in a very dwarven handshake.

Fili led the dwarves to the three rooms that were prepared.  His page took down the names of each of the new dwarves and left instructions that tomorrow they were to visit the records office.  The company gave Fili their thanks and went to settle into their rooms.  Fili managed to catch the eye of the younger dam and he gave her a smile.  She smiled back before following her company into their room.

The next day was a busy one, as most days were.  He and Kili had their assignments from Thorin and Balin and they went about them.  Fili enjoyed most of his duties and assignments.  Today he found himself running all over Erebor, including the records office.   He and the record keepers were talking about how things were going and informing Fili they would need a new record book soon.  Their pages were filling fast with all the new arrivals and new blank books were hard to come by.

Fili had all but forgotten about the new arrival of dwarves from yesterday.  He figured when he arrived they had already been there and so was surprised to see the fourteen dwarves walk in. 

The record keeper’s assistant welcomed them and asked them to approach.  They did and then bowed when they saw Fili.

“Hello friends,” Fili said, “I hope you had a good rest.”

“Thank you, Prince,” Vhig said.  “The rooms were very nice and we’ve eaten well.”

“The meat was tough,” a white haired dwarrow spoke up.

“Now, now, father,” Vhig said, giving Fili an apologetic look.  “The food was good and were thankful to eat plenty and in good comfort.”

Fili laughed.  “It’s well said.  Yes, sometimes we end up with meat from an animal that was past its prime eating age.  Well, I’ll not keep the record keeper from his duties.”  And with that, Fili nodded to the record keeper’s assistant.

Fili sat back down with the head record keeper and they spoke quietly in their conference.  Fili half listened as the names and relations of the dwarves were given.  He couldn’t be sure, but he thought maybe the name of the young dam was Beryl.  Fili smiled.  He liked gemstone names for lasses.  He always thought if he had a daughter, he would like her to have a gem name, like Lapis or Sapphire or Opal.

Then, the records keeper asked each dwarf about their intentions for work, their skills or possible apprenticeships.  By this time, he and the records keeper had finished their conference and Fili sat back and listened with interest.  There were a few smiths among them and two miners.  The middle aged dam with the black hair was a weaver.  When it came for Beryl to declare herself, Fili leaned in to hear better.

She stood before the record keeper looking much better than she had the day before.  She had on fresh clothes and her hair had been washed and braided.  Fili had glanced at her and only saw the braids on the right side of her face.  The only braid he could make out that head significance was the one that determined her family clan, Firebeards.

“Now,” the records keeper said, “skills?”

Beryl raised her hands, but Vhig spoke first.  “She’s a mute.”  Fili looked at her in surprise.

Beryl gave the dwarrow a very angry look as her hands flew to her hips.  She signed something at him, but he ignored her.  Fili was on feet and walking over to them.

“She’s a good cook, and,” Vhig started.  Beryl stomped her foot and clapped her hands loudly, to get back the record’s keeper attention.  “You can’t speak for yourself, so let me,” Vhig said in a pitying voice.

Fili was appalled by the way Vhig spoke for Beryl, not even giving her a chance to do anything for herself.  He walked over to them and was amused to see Beryl furiously signing in Iglishmek, including a few less than lady-like swear words included. 

“If I understand the lady right,” Fili stood on Beryl’s other side, “she seems quite capable of speaking for herself.”

Beryl jumped in surprise and turned to see the prince by her side.  She blushed with embarrassment and curtsied.  “My apologies, Prince,” she signed at him, her face down, her eyes focused on his chest.  “I forgot you were here.  I should not have spoken so.”

Fili wondered if he needed to sign back to her, but she had seemed to hear him alright when he spoke a moment ago, so he just spoke out loud.  “You were much more polite than I would have been had someone said that about me.”

A smile broke out on her face and she blushed even redder.  “Even so,” she signed, “I was very rude in your presence.”

“Quite alright.  Now, I believe you were about to tell the record keeper your skills.”  Fili smiled at her.  She was pretty, he thought.  He could see the left side of her face now and saw no braid that indicated she was married, betrothed, courting, or in any stage of attachment.  A little thrill ran through his back.

She signed a thank you and turned back to the record keeper, who kept an eye on her while she answered his questions.  She was, as it turned out, a stone carver, with a specialty in rune carving.  Fili was very impressed.  Good rune carvers were hard to find.

When the record keeper was finished, he informed the group they were free to roam in the public places in Erebor, which included a smithy, all the markets, the communal dining rooms, public training grounds, and public baths.  They would have their housing assignments within the week.  They thanked him and turned to leave.  They bowed to Fili again and left.  Beryl turned to smile at Fili once more and she walked from the room with the rest of them.

“It’s odd, isn’t it?” The record keeper said, “To have a mute dwarf.”

“She might be mute,” Fili said, “but she’s a fiery one.”  He chuckled.  “And it looks like she won’t take nonsense from anyone.”

“Aye,” the record keeper said.  “From what you saw and heard, do you have anything specifically you want done with any of the company?”

Fili thought for a moment.  Yes, he knew he wanted to have a long, private chat with Beryl, but he could not say that.  “No.  The smithies to the forges, the miners to the mining colony, keeping the families together, of course.  No.  I trust you will make good decisions for them.  Make sure the lass meets with Master Galor.  We could use a good rune carver.”

“Aye, Prince.”

Fili left the records room.  He had two more places he needed to visit today before his day was done.  Now it was off to the armory to see how the inventory was going of all the weapons and then he would meet with the chief engineer who was working to restore the great forges on the northern side of the mountain.

“Hey Fili!” he heard his brother call to him.  Kili caught up with him.  “Where are you off to?”

“Armory.”

“Me too,” Kili fell into step along Fili’s side.   With all their new duties, the brothers didn’t often see each other during the day, but once in a while, their paths would cross or Thorin would assign them to work together.  The days were always easier with Kili at his side.  He was still new to this whole prince-of-Erebor business.  Life here was so different to his life in the Blue Mountains.  There were certainly things about that home and life that he missed, but being with Kili helped to make things feel not so foreign. 

Chapter Text

The next couple of days brought new lists of assignments from Thorin and more days of sitting through reports, reading over agreements, and visiting various groups within the great city.  Fili stopped by one of the large, busy markets with the intention of visiting Bifur at his new stall.  Business was growing as more families arrived with dwarflings in tow, so the toy side of business was doing well.  His stall was busy, so Fili kept his visit short before waving bye.

A flash of dark red, mahogany hair made Fili’s head turn.  It was Beryl.  She was looking over some household wares.  Fili went up to her.  She was holding a few plates in her hands, but looked very frustrated at the vendor.  She saw Fili and roughly shoved the plates into his hands.  Then she signed very animatedly at the merchant.   The vendor was shaking his head.  Beryl was trying to haggle down the price, but the vendor was playing dumb and saying he didn’t understand her.

“Look lassie, I don’t know what it is you’re trying to say, but the price is five gold coins,” he said.

Fili looked at the plates in his hands.  They weren’t great in their make, as they were made from an inexpensive tin and looked like they had been pounded into their shape by an amateur tinker.  Certainly they weren’t worth five gold coins.  Not even one, in Fili’s opinion.  Beryl looked angry.  Fili set down the plates.

“Miss,” Fili said, “I don’t blame you for refusing to pay so much for these poorly made plates.  Come with me, I know another stall where you can get quality plates for a better deal.”  Without a word, he took Beryl by the elbow and pulled her away, ignoring the stuttering of the merchant they left behind.

Fili had a bit of a smug smile, but when he looked at Beryl, his smile disappeared.  A tear had escaped her eye and was rolling down her face.  She gave a small sniff.

“Beryl?” Fili asked quietly.  She wiped at her cheek.

“Forgive me, Prince.  I’m so embarrassed.   I did not mean to shove those plates at you,” she signed.

“You’ve done nothing wrong.  Once I saw what that crook was trying to sell those frightful plates for, I had to put an end to that.  He shouldn’t try to cheat you, but it looked like you weren’t about to be conned either.”

“People think I’m stupid because I can’t speak,” she signed.  Her hands were shaking, but Fili wasn’t sure if she was angry or sad.  “I’m not stupid.”

“Hey,” Fili tugged on her elbow and he turned her to look at him.  “I know you’re not stupid.”

“But others think I am.  As soon as they see I can’t speak, they assume I’m dumb and they have all tried to cheat me.  That was the sixth merchant I tried to buy plates from.”

“What?”  Fili looked around.  “This is certainly something that needs to be looked into.  I’ll be letting the merchant council know and I’ll look into it personally, too.”

“No, Prince.  That’s not necessary.  You don’t have to do that for me.”

“If it’s being done to you, then there’s a good chance they are doing it to others.  It is certainly something that we need to be aware of.  Now, come with me.  I’ve got a good friend who can help you out.”  Fili brought Beryl to Bifur’s stall.  He sold only toys and wooden carvings these days, but he used to be a tinker.  It was a better money making trade and back in the Blue Mountains, his family had been quite poor, so he had worked the higher paying jobs to help his family.  Now that he had his share of the company’s money from helping Thorin to reclaim Erebor, Bifur was using his time to do what he loved, wood carvings and toy making. 

“Bifur,” Fili smiled as he approached his friend.  There were no customers at the stall at the moment.  “This is Beryl.  Beryl, this is Bifur.  Tell him what you need.”

She looked at him with some anger in her eyes.  He was forcing her to speak for herself when he knew now how much trouble she was having.  Still, she was used to fending for herself and she signed, “I’m looking for an eating set.  Four plates, four knives, forks, spoons and two cups.”

Bifur’s eyes lit up.  He stood and eagerly signed back.  “I can make some for you.  I don’t have any ready right now, but I can in a week’s time.”

Beryl grinned at the dwarf who signed back at her.  “That would be wonderful.  How much?”

“Twenty silver pieces.”

“Oh no,” Beryl said.  “I know the cost of such a set and it is worth at least two golds.”

Bifur laughed.  “Not for you.  The silver pieces will cover the cost of the tin I need.  I won’t ask for more.”

“But the labor involved,” Beryl said.

“No.” Bifur grunted. 

Fili laughed.  “It’s no good arguing with Bifur.”

“I won’t be cheated by the merchants who want to over charge me, but I won’t be taken advantage of in the other direction, either.  I insist on paying a fair and proper price.  Nothing special for me,” Beryl looked angry again.

Bifur looked her over.  He finally nodded his head.  “You’re right.  No cheating.  We settle on a fair price.”

“Two gold coins.  I’ll pay one now, and one more upon delivery,” Beryl said.

Bifur nodded and held out his hand.  Beryl took it and shook it heartily.  She reached into a small purse that hung at her side and pulled out one gold piece.  Bifur took it and requested she return in seven days.  He would have her set ready.

They left Bifur’s stall.  Fili was more and more impressed by this strong willed lass with every minute that passed.   He wanted to get to know her better.  He tried to make casual conversation.  “So, other than cheating merchants, how has your stay in Erebor been?”

“Fine.  It’s very impressive.  I don’t have my housing assignment yet, but tomorrow I will be meeting with a Master Galor about my working with the stone carvers.  I’m looking forward to that.  I’ve brought some of my work to show him.  So, today, I thought I’d use my time to get a few household basics so I’ll be ready to move into my new home.”

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Fili asked.

She shook her head.  “No.  You’ve been more than kind.  Thank you.”

“I’m afraid I’ve got to get going.  I’ve got a meeting to attend, but would you like to join me for dinner, this evening?”

“Me?  Prince, I’m a low rank stone carver and am not worthy of your attentions,” she blushed.

“Quite the contrary,” Fili said.  “As a subject of Erebor, you are worthy of my attentions as I wish to keep all of Erebor’s residents safe and comfortable.  But personally, I find you to be beautiful and interesting and I would like to get to know you better.  I promise it’s not courting or a marriage proposal, just dinner and a chance to talk.”

She smiled.  “I would like that.”

Fili grinned.  “Great.”  He felt his palms get a little sweaty.  As a prince, he spoke with people all of the time and always had to carry an air of confidence, but when it came to talking with lasses on anything more personal than business, he felt quite insecure.  “How about at the seventh bell, we meet here, just outside the main entrance to the market?”

“Alright.  I look forward to it.  Formal wear, your highness?” she asked.

“No.  What you are wearing now is fine.”

She grinned.  “Good.  I don’t have anything formal.  I’ll see you this evening then.”

Fili chuckled.  “I can hardly wait.”

Chapter Text

Fili pulled off his tunic and threw it onto the bed.  He had three laid out.  He couldn’t decide.  Kili walked in and saw Fili staring at the shirts on the bed. 

“Are you afraid they’ll get up and walk away if you don’t stare at them?” Kili asked.

Fili gave his brother a glare.  “No.”  He picked up a brown one and put it on, then wrapped his belt around it.

“Where are you going?” Kili flopped down on Fili’s bed and watched as Fili pulled on his coat.

“Dinner.”

“Getting a little over dressed for dinner, aren’t you?” Kili said.

“I suppose, but I’m meeting someone, so I want to look nice.”

Kili sat up, his eyebrows arched, “Well, you wouldn’t dress like that for Uncle, me or any of the company, so it’s either a council member you want to impress or you’ve met a lass.”

Fili tried his best to act casual. 

Kili jumped up off the bed.  “Ah ha!  It’s a lass.  Who is it?  Do I know her?  Can I meet her?”

Fili sighed.  There was no hiding anything from Kili.  “It is a lass, her name is Beryl and yes, you can meet her, if you promise to be civil.”

Kili looked offended.  “Me, be uncivil?  Surely you jest, brother, I am nothing but civil.”

Fili laughed.  He couldn’t help it.  Kili could always make him smile.   “There’s just one thing you should know, though.  She’s mute.  She can’t talk, but she can hear.  So, when you talk to her, just talk, but she will answer and talk in Iglishmêk. “

“She can’t speak?” Kili asked.

“Yes she can, and very well too, but not with her voice,” Fili said.

“Alright,” Kili sounded a little less certain of things now, but he smiled.  “Well, she must be quite the lass if you are getting all dressed up for her.”

Fili smiled.  He and Kili left and headed for the market place.  She was waiting just outside the market’s door.  She wore a necklace with a light blue stone set in gold.  The beads in her hair were the same kind of stone.  She looked lovely. 

“You’re here early,” he said walking up to her.

“So are you,” she signed and smiled.  She bowed when she saw Kili. 

“Beryl, this is my brother, Kili.  Kili, this is Beryl, one of Erebor’s newest residents,” Fili made the introductions.

Kili bowed, “At your service.”

The seventh bell rang.  Fili cleared his throat.  “Yes, well,” he said feeling a little bashful all of the sudden.  “You look lovely this evening.  The stones you wear are beautiful.”

“They are beryl,” she said.  She wasn’t about to tell him that she picked them because they reminded her of the color of Fili’s eyes.

Fili laughed.  “They're perfect.  Are you ready to go?”

She nodded.

“May I walk with you part of the way?” Kili asked as they started walking.  It didn’t seem Fili and Beryl had much of a choice.  “Where did you just arrive from?”

Beryl signed, “We lived in a small community near Gondor.  My parents and the elders that arrived here with me, were all born in Erebor, but fled south when the dragon came.  For a long time, they lived and worked where they could, but they found another small community of dwarves and joined with them.  I was born and raised there, but after we heard Erebor was in the hands of dwarves again, and the king was a son of our great father, Durin, several of us decided to come back here.”

“I’m so very glad you did,” Fili said.  They were almost to the dining hall.

“Well, I must take my leave of you,” Kili took Beryl’s hand in his and kissed it.  “It’s been a pleasure to meet you.  I hope to see you around again sometime.”

She blushed and signed a good bye to Kili.

“Sorry, about him,” Fili grinned. 

“I liked him.”

“Everyone likes Kili.  You can’t help it.  You have to like him.”

He led her to the company’s dining hall.  Usually, by this time, most of the company had eaten and left. Fili was counting on this so he could have more private time with Beryl.  He just wanted to talk to her, get to know her, hear her stories and stare into her lovely face.  As it was, there were two left in the dining hall – Thorin and Balin.  Fili sighed.  Thorin looked up to see Fili leading a stranger into their private hall.  He stood up.

Beryl stopped in her tracks and curtsied low.

Thorin came to her.  “Welcome.  Fili, would you be good enough to introduce me to your guest?”

She stood up, but did not look Thorin in the face.

“Sure, Uncle Thorin, Balin, this is Beryl.  Beryl, this is,” he said, but she interrupted him.

“I know who the king is,” she signed.  “It’s an honor, your majesty.”

Thorin looked at her in wonder as she didn’t speak, but signed in Iglishmêk.  “The honor is mine,” Thorin said.  “It’s always nice to meet a lovely lass.” Beryl blushed.  Thorin smiled and looked to Fili.  “Balin and I were talking, and if you don’t mind, we’d like to continue in here, but we won’t bother you.”

“Of course.  Thank you.”

Thorin smiled at the two younger dwarves and he and Balin went back to where they had been sitting.  Food in the dining hall was set up along a table on the side of the room.  Fili led Beryl to the table and passed her a plate, and then took one for himself.  They walked along the table, getting what they wanted and the Fili led them to a table on the opposite end of the hall from Thorin. 

“Can I get you some wine?” Fili asked.  Beryl nodded and Fili went to get two goblets.    They ate for a few moments, enjoying the excellent food.  “So,” Fili said, “I want to know more about you.  How did you pick stone carving as your craft?”

“It was my father’s and my brother’s craft,” Beryl signed.  “My mother was a healer.  I didn’t have any interest in that, although I learned quite a bit from her, but I loved stone carving and father taught me.”

“Did your family come to Erebor with you?  You said they were from here, originally.”

“No.  My parents are both dead.  They were killed by men more than forty years ago, on their way home from the markets in Gondor.”

“I’m sorry,” Fili said.

Beryl nodded.  “My brother took care of me until I came of age.  Then I decided to come out here with the others.”

“But your brother didn’t come?”

“No.  He decided to stay behind.  He had good business contracts with some masons in Gondor.”

She stopped her signing to eat a few bites.  Fili was a little embarrassed at how easily he forgot she spoke with her hands, making dinner and conversation impossible.  For her, it was doing one or the other.

“Tell me about you,” she said.  “I’m guessing by your age that you were not born in Erebor.  Where did you grow up and how do you like Erebor?”

Fili chatted about the differences between life the Blue Mountains and life in Erebor.  He talked about some of his duties and several times he had her laughing.  At least, he thought it was laughing.  She looked to be laughing and he could hear the air escaping her lips, but she made no sound at all.  It was during one of those laughs, when she tossed her head back, that he noticed a long scar across her neck and he wondered why he hadn’t seen it before.  Then he realized that her dress had a high neck on it.  It wasn’t tight, but it was just high enough to cover the scar.  He was deeply curious about what had happened.  Was the scar the reason why she couldn’t speak?  It must be.  He wanted so much to know, but he was smart enough to know it would be incredibly wrong of him to ask.  She would tell him the story, when she was ready.

They finished their meal, but stayed there, talking and trading stories.  Thorin and Balin left as Fili and Beryl were starting in on some sweet dessert, leaving them alone.

Beryl brought up Vhig, the leader of the company she had travelled with. 

“So, he’s known you most of your life?” Fili asked.

She nodded.  “We grew up together, although he’s about twenty years older than I.”

“I’m surprised,” Fili said.  “When we were in the records office, he spoke for you and tried to tell the records keeper about you instead of letting you speak for yourself.  Surely he must have known you didn’t like that.”

“He did,” she signed as she swallowed the last of her dessert.  “He’s angry with me.  I think he was hoping to make sure I didn’t have my craft known, so I would be given some low paying work.”

“Why would he want that for you?”

“He’s mad because I’ve refused several times to court him.  I think he was hoping that if I wasn’t given a good position, he would be able to offer me a better life of comfort if I married him.”

Fili’s eyes narrowed.  “That’s a sly, sneaky, underhanded thing to do.”

Her eyes twinkled.  “Thank you for agreeing with me.”

They spoke nothing more of Vhig and the reason for her muteness never came up, but they talked late into the night about many other things.  Finally, they realized how late it had gotten and Fili walked Beryl back to her rooms.  He kissed her hand, said good bye and left with a promise to see her again soon.

In the week that followed, he crossed paths with Beryl twice.  The first time was a brief chat of hello, how are you, it’s good to see you again, before Fili had to hurry on.  The second time, Fili and Kili were together, listening to one of the stone workers talk about the repairs that needed to be done to several of the large columns in the huge hall.

He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Beryl smiling at him.  She had a lovely smile.  “Hello,” he said.

“Prince, forgive my touching you, but it’s hard to get your attention when there are so many around,” she said with a small curtsie.

“It’s alright.  I’m happy to see you.”

“I’m starting work here, my Prince.  May I show it to you?”  she asked, looking very pleased.

“Of course,” he followed her.  Kili did too.

“I’m helping to restore some of the writing that was destroyed on these walls.”  She pointed to the place in the wall where text had been scratched and torched by flame.  Then she pointed to a new, clean section of wall where words were carved into the stone.  The dozen runes that were in the wall were perfect.  It was beautiful work.

“This is fine workmanship.” Fili had to hold back from gushing about how beautifully carved the runes were.  “I’m exceedingly impressed by your exactness in the lines and consistency in the size and spacing.”  Kili was nodding his head in agreement.

She gave him a funny look and then accepted his compliments.  She curtsied to him and made her reply as formal as his comment had been to her.  “Your approval makes me very happy, my Lord.  I will continue to work to make this something that Erebor can be proud of until the end of its days.”

Kili and Fili shared identical grins.  Fili leaned forward, to inspect the work and quietly whispered, “Tonight at the seventh bell, same place?”

She grinned.  “I can’t tonight, but tomorrow?”

He nodded.  “I can hardly wait until tomorrow.”  Then he straightened up.  “Keep up the excellent work, Mistress Beryl.”

“Did you just ask her to dinner?” Kili whispered furiously as they walk away.

“Shut up,” Fili said, but he couldn’t hide the small smile that formed on his face.

Chapter Text

Fili was first to the market entrance this time.  He waited and made some polite conversation with a dwarf who was leaving the market for the day.  Beryl came out of the market place, the handle of a basket hung from her arm.  She was smiling.

“I got my set from Bifur,” she signed animatedly.  She opened the lid of the basket. 

Fili peeked in.  She pulled out a plate and handed it to him.  The work was fine, smooth and tastefully decorated.  The cups and handles of all the silverware matched in design.  The metal had been polished and it shone in the light.

“Bifur is very talented,” Fili passed the plate back to her after he had inspected it.  “These are wonderful pieces.”

“I’m so happy with them.  I’ve got so much to tell you.”   Her excitement was a little out of public propriety, but Fili couldn’t really find it in himself to care.  He loved her enthusiasm and he appreciated the way she treated him like a friend and a normal person, not a prince.

“Let’s go to dinner.  You can tell me everything there,” he took her by the elbow and they walked together.  Their conversation was pleasant, casual, and very general.  Kili and Bofur were in the dining hall this time when they arrived.

“Hello Beryl,” Kili said.  She curtsied.

“This is Bofur, Bifur’s cousin and one of our good friends,” Fili said.

“Oh.  I just bought some plates from him,” she signed at Bofur.

He looked a little surprised, but it wasn’t about her use of the Iglishmêk, “Oh, you are the one that he’s been working metal again for.  He told me how you negotiated a price like a professional merchant.”

Beryl smiled and made her breathy laughing sound.  “I picked up my things from him today.”  She opened her basket and pulled everything out.  It was clear she was very pleased with her purchase.

“Aye, that’s Bifur’s work, that is,” Bofur looked at one of the cups.   “He hasn’t done much tinkering work in many years.  He prefers wood carving these days, but I know he had a great deal of fun working on these for you.  He couldn’t stop talking about you.  You’re commission made him very happy.”

“I quite like him,” Beryl said.  She repacked her things.

“Well, we’ll be letting you two enjoy your dinner.   It’s been a pleasure to meet you, lassie.”  Bofur tipped his hat.

“Bye Beryl, bye Fili,” Kili smiled as he followed Bofur out.

Beryl took Fili by the wrist.  He looked to her.  “Come on,” she signed.  “I’m starving.”

Fili laughed and they got their food.

“You are in quite the good mood tonight.  Are you going to tell me about your day?” Fili asked.

“In a moment,” Beryl dug into her dinner.  Fili joined her.  After about half her plate was gone, did she decide she was ready for conversation.  “I got my housing assignment yesterday.  I’m not in the same residential neighborhood as Vhig, thank goodness.  He’s with the smithies, near the forges.  I’m in a crafter’s neighborhood.  One of my fellow carvers lives there with his family.  They’ve been very nice.  I just have one room, but for me, it’s perfect.  I don’t have to share, which I’m glad about.”

She signed all of this very quickly and Fili had a bit of a hard time keeping up.  She used a lot of signs he didn’t really know, but he could understand their meaning as she used it in her conversation. 

“It’s got the basic furniture,” she went on, “a bed, a table, three chairs, and a wardrobe.  There’s a communal cooking area, so I can fix my own food.”

This was all so foreign to Fili, who was used to nice large apartments with fine furniture and a private dining room with the best food.  But Beryl was so happy about her little space.

“What?” she asked.

Fili snapped back to what she had been talking about.  “Oh, nothing,” he said, “I’m glad you’re so happy and I’m glad you like your new room.”

“It’s all mine,” she said.  “I guess it’s silly that I got four place settings for a table when I don’t really have anyone to share a meal with, but it’s nice to have all the same.  When I can, I’m going to buy some fabric to hang on the walls.  They are rather bare right now.  I’m thinking something yellow or red.  Bright and happy.”

Fili smiled.  “That would be very nice.”

She ate a little more.  “Prince?”

“Just Fili, please.  When we’re alone or in private locations, just call me Fili.”  He showed her the sign for his name.  His name meant ‘file’, so the sign for a file became the sign for his name.  Kili’s meant ‘wedge’ and that was the sign for his name.  He showed them to her, so she could call him by name.

She smiled.  “Fili,” she signed, “could you tell me what happened to Bifur?”

“Sure.  It was an orc.  In the heat of a battle, long ago, he was hit in the head by an orc’s axe.  He should have died, but he didn’t.  I was only a small dwarfling, but I remember the adults talking about him in hushed voices.  They brought him home, made him comfortable and waited for him to die.  They are still waiting,” Fili gave a little chuckle to himself.  “Bifur recovered, although he was never the same.  He can’t speak Westron anymore, only Khuzdul; and an ancient form of Khuzdul, too.  It can be hard to understand him when he speaks.  He prefers to speak in Iglishmêk.  It’s easier for everyone.  His mind’s still as sharp as a knife, but he has his moments of insanity.  He’s not dangerous, well, not to our kind, but he has no mercy for orcs and not much for elves.  But he gets funny ideas or his mind slips back in time and he gets confused as to where he is and who people are.  He lives with Bofur, who keeps a good eye on him.  But, Bifur’s a good dwarf and one of the thirteen of Thorin’s company.  I’ve known him all my life.”

Beryl nodded her head and was thoughtful. “I like him.  He understands me, I think, in a way others don’t.  Most look at me with pity when they meet me.  That’s what impressed me so much about you.  There was no pity.  You stood up for me and allowed me to speak for myself.  You expected me to speak for myself.  Many won’t.  Your friend, Bofur, was the same.  No judgment.  But now that I understand Bifur and know that Bofur is his cousin, it would explain why he accepted me so easily.”

“Bofur’s a gem of a dwarf.  He’s as kind and crazy as they come.  He’s not educated in the ways of books, but he’s smart and full of common sense.  He’s always got a joke and knows how to make everyone smile.”

Beryl smiled again and went back to her food.  “Are you curious about me?” she asked.

“Very,” Fili said.  “I find you to be a fascinating person, hence asking you to dinner twice.”

“But I mean about my inability to speak,” she signed.  Her motions were small now.  Earlier, when she had talked about her new home and her work, her signs had been large and enthusiastic.  Now they were small and insecure.

“Of course I’m curious, but it’s not my place to ask.  I accept you for the way you are.  Your inability to speak doesn’t matter to me, but who you are, as a dwarf, that does matter to me.  If you never wish to tell me your story, then that is your business.  Not mine.  However, if you wish to share that part of you with me, I will listen and not judge you.”

A tear fell down her eye.  Fili reached up and wiped his thumb at it.  Beryl was silent.  She looked down at her hands, resting in her lap, for a long time.  She didn’t move.  Fili waited.  He was still and quiet in front of her.  He would let her make the next move.

“It was the attack, when my parents were killed,” she finally signed.  Her hand hardly left her lap, but Fili watched her hands and her face.  “We were coming home from a week in Gondor.  My father was selling some wares he brought from our settlement.  We had had a good week.  We were attacked by some men.  There were four of us.  Mother and father were killed.  Our other companion fought and eventually killed one of them and drove the others off, but not before they had slit my throat and taken all of our gold.  I should have died.  I was rushed home and our healer worked on me.  Stitched me up.  Made me as comfortable as they could and waited for me to die.”  She looked into Fili’s face.  “They’re still waiting.  I don’t have plans to die anytime soon.”

He gave a little smile. 

She went on, her hands and signs more confident now.  “The men did a bad job on my throat.  Cut my voice box, but the healers were able to sew me up before I could no longer breathe.  So, I breathe and eat, but cannot speak.  Not even make a sound.  No noise when I cry or laugh.  Nothing.”

“No noise,” Fili said, “but you have a voice and I have been nothing but impressed with it since I met you.  The way you stood up to Vhig and the merchant with the overpriced pieces of metal he dared to call plates, was awe inspiring.  And I advised you to give up bargaining with Bifur but you continued and got exactly what you wanted from the deal.  You have a voice and you aren’t afraid to use it and if I ever treat you without the respect you deserve, I expect you to use that voice and put me in my place.”

“Do you think differently of me now?” she asked.

“I think better of you now.  Knowing your story helps me to understand who you are and it only makes me more impressed with you than I already was.”

She buried her face in her hands.  Her shoulders shook up and down and Fili wasn’t sure if she was laughing or crying.  He couldn’t quite tell when he looked into her face, either, if she was laughing or crying.  He guessed both.

“Thank you, for letting me be me and not showing me pity,” she finally said.

“Thank you, Beryl, for letting me be me and not trying to walk on egg shells because I’m the prince,” Fili said.  He leaned forward and put his arms around her shoulders and back.  He hugged her and she hugged him back.  It was a hug full of friendship, understanding and comfort.  Fili’s body felt warm and happy with the lovely dam in his arms.

Their conversation the rest of the evening was a little more subdued than before as they continued to share stories about themselves.  They sat more closely together, though, finding ways to keep a light, physical contact with the other at all times.   Time passed much too quickly for Fili’s liking and it got late.  Beryl needed to get home.

Before they left the dining room, Fili spoke with her.  “Once we leave this room, I’m a prince again.  Our contact must be limited.  I will walk you back to your neighborhood, though.”

“It’s not necessary, Fili.  I can walk myself home.”

“I know you can, but I want to.  I’d like to, if that’s alright with you.”

Beryl blushed.  “I would like that.  Thank you.  Will you hug me, once more, before we leave this room?  I mean, only if you want.  You don’t have to,” she signed quickly, her face red with embarrassment.

Fili didn’t let her finish.  He pulled her into a hug.  “When can we meet again?” he whispered into her hair.

She pulled away from the hug so she could use her hands to answer his question.  “I don’t know.  I will have a free day in four days’ time,” Beryl said.

“If you don’t have other plans and are agreeable, may I spend the day with you?  I could show you around Erebor, or we could do something.  There’s always a spar in the arenas to go and watch.  I’ve got a Tafl set.  We could play a few rounds.  There’s a kitchen attached to the dining room here, we could fix a meal together and have a picnic.”

“Choices, choices,” Beryl smiled.  “I would love to spend the day with you.  Playing Tafl and baking a pie sounds like fun.”

“Kili might join in.  He hates to be left out of all the fun,” Fili warned.

She laughed.  “I wouldn’t mind.  I’ve not had much chance to meet Kili, but after hearing all your stories, I want to get to know him.  He sounds like he’s a lot of fun to be around.”

“He is that,” Fili chuckled.  “Four days,” he sighed.  “I don’t know if I can last that long until I see you again.”  He hugged her once more.  “Ready to go home?”

“If I must,” Beryl signed. 

Fili carried her basket with her dining set.  Her neighborhood was far from the royal wing, but he didn’t mind.  They walked close together and Fili enjoyed feeling her next to him.  When they reached the borders of her neighborhood, they said their goodbyes and Fili handed her back her basket.  She very deliberately placed her hands on top of his, before she slid them to the basket’s handle and took the basket from him.

Fili grinned, said good night and practically skipped home.

Chapter Text

“Fili, what’s gotten into you?” Thorin asked a few days later. 

Fili jumped.  His mind had not been on Thorin’s instructions.  Off to the side, Kili snorted his laughter back.  Fili glared at him.

“I’m sorry, Thorin,” Fili said.

The king sighed.  “I think we need to talk.  Kili, go about your assignments now.”

Kili looked like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to be offended at the dismissal or laugh at Fili’s predicament.  Instead, he smiled and said, “Yes, Uncle Thorin,” and he left.  Kili knew he would get the story out of Fili later.

“Fili, is there anything you want to talk about?”

Fili was slightly mortified.  He did not want to have this conversation with Thorin.  “No uncle.”

“Is it the lass that I met a few weeks ago?  What was her name again?”

“Beryl,” Fili answered.

“You like Beryl?”

“She’s very nice,” Fili answered.

“And very pretty?” Thorin smiled.

“Yes, that too,” Fili said.

“And have you seen her again since when I met her?”

“Yes, Uncle.”

Thorin smiled.  Ah, to be young and in love.  He was glad his time for such was past.  “Why does she not speak?”

“She can’t.  In an attack that killed her parents, part of her throat was cut and she lost her ability to use her voice,” Fili said, uncertain if he should share the information with his uncle, but Thorin was king and had the right to know about his subjects.

“It is a terrible thing that has happened to her, but she seems to be getting along well,” Thorin said.  “Does she have a craft?”

“Rune carver.”

“Oh, she’s the new rune carver, is she?  Master Galor’s latest report said he had an excellent new carver.  It must be she,” Thorin said, remembering the last report from the master mason.

Fili nodded.  “Yes, I have heard good things about her from Master Galor as well.  I visited him recently to ask him on the progress of the restoration of the stone mural for Durin, the Deathless.”

Thorin nodded with a smile.  “I’m happy you have found a nice lass, but you can’t let it affect your work,” Thorin said.

Fili wanted to argue.  Beryl wasn’t his lass.  Not like the way Thorin was thinking, anyway.  She was his friend.  That’s all.  A friend who was very pretty, funny, talented, smart… Fili shook his head.  Maybe he was letting himself get distracted.

“Yes, Uncle.”

“You know that if you have any questions, about courting and such, you can ask me.”

Fili was sure his face was the color of a ruby.  “Yes, Uncle,” he nearly squeaked out when he spoke.  Thorin gave him a hearty pat on the back and as Fili began to open the door to head out, Thorin called out to him.

“When will you see her next?” he asked.

Fili smiled.  “In two days.”

The two days went by so slowly.  Fili kept hoping he could find a reason to go back to the hall where Beryl was restoring the rune carvings, but his business never took him to that area.  He had sent a note to her home, asking that if she was still interested, they could meet at the second day bell in their usual meeting place.  He never heard back and could only hope she would be there.

She was there when he arrived.  She carried her basket again and was grinning at him. 

“You look prepared for something,” Fili nodded at her basket.

“Just a little something in case we go on a picnic,” she smiled.

Fili touched her elbow and they walked together, heading to the dining hall again.  Fili wanted to be able to take her to his home because the chairs in his apartment were much more comfortable than the benches in the dining hall, but to take her home like that, was very inappropriate.  Kili had helped him move his Tafl set to the hall.  When they walked in, Kili was waiting there.

Fili had filled Kili in on Beryl’s story of how she lost her voice and the embarrassing conversation he had had with Thorin.  Kili had given him a hearty laugh, but did not tease him, as Fili had expected him to do.  Kili was his usual self while Beryl was with them.  He told her all sorts of stories; most of them had a humiliating element to them and usually at Fili’s expense.  Beryl had laughed at them all.  They had fun as they played Tafl and the brothers quickly discovered that Beryl was very good at the game and showed no mercy.

The three of them worked together to cook and bake some food for a picnic.  A good deal of flour ended up on their faces after a small, accidental food fight, but it did not escalate.  Food was still hard to come by in the recovering city and there was nothing that could be wasted.  Once the food was done, Kili claimed to be tired and in need of a rest and he less than discreetly left Fili and Beryl alone.  The previous day, with Kili’s help, Fili had set up a picnic area on an old balcony that over looked the great hall.  It was very high up and very few knew of the small area.  Fili led Beryl there.

Her eyes were wide when she saw where they were.  She leaned carefully over the balcony’s short stone wall. 

“It’s so high up,” she said.  Fili set down the basket and pulled on her hand to sit down next to him one the ground.  They didn’t have to sit on the balcony’s stone floor.  Fili and Kili had brought up cushions and a thick fur blanket.  They sat down together and before he knew it, they were staring into each other’s eyes.  He was mesmerized.   She looked away with a blush, and made herself busy with unloading the picnic basket.

“May I kiss you?” Fili asked with a whisper.  Even though they were too high up to be heard, such a request was to be asked with reverence.

She looked into his eyes and met his gaze.  She nodded her head and leaned in towards Fili.  He leaned to her and the next thing he knew, his lips met hers.  The kiss started out with tight lips and the rest of their bodies a nervous distance a part.  When they pulled away, they were both blushing and smiling.  So Fili leaned in again, taking her shoulders into his hands.  Her lips relaxed against his and her hands went to his back.  Slowly they kissed, trying out different ways of holding each other and kissing various parts of each other’s face, until they got a little more comfortable with each other.  They moved their bodies closer and snaked their arms around each other.  The kisses were still slow and gentle, but with more confidence.  It went on for a long time, or just a few seconds.  Fili couldn’t tell.  He was in a state of bliss and it was wonderful

They ate, talked, kissed, talked, and kissed some more.  The noise in the main hall died down as the day passed into evening, and evening into night and still they sat together, talking, kissing and eating the last of their food.  It wasn’t until Beryl yawned a couple of times that Fili really realized how late it was getting.

“Better get you home,” he chuckled.

She yawned again.  “Not yet. I think I want to spend the rest of my life right here.”

Fili arranged some cushions so he could sit back against the wall comfortably and then he opened his arms to Beryl.  She scooted in between his legs, leaned against his chest and relaxed.  He put his cheek on the top of her head and inhaled the scent of her hair.  Whatever soaps she used in her hair, he liked it.  He wasn’t sure what the smell was, but it was clean, fresh, and it made him smile.  He closed his eyes.  Her weight on his chest was pleasant.  She turned around a bit until she was leaning against him on her side, her cheek up against his chest.  She pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned into him.  He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him.  Fili started to think he could stay like this forever. 

He felt a gentle tap on his chest.  He looked down over her head. 

She lifted her hands and signed, “This is nice.  Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he whispered.

Fili opened his eyes again.  His body ached.  How long had he been asleep?  The great hall down below was silent.  He wondered what woke him and looked around him for a moment. 

“Fee,” Kili’s voice whispered to him in the dark.  “You’d better get her and yourself home before people start to realize you’re missing and send out a search party.”  He lit a torch.

Fili shifted, waking Beryl.  She sat up with a start.  Her eyes were wide.  “Oh my.  What time is it?”

“It’s just after midnight,” Kili answered.

Fili stood up. He was a little stiff from having sat against the wall for so many hours.  “Leave the stuff,” Fili said.  “I’ll come back for it later.  Let’s get you home.”

Beryl just nodded and she took Fili’s hand.  With Kili and the torch leading the way, they made their way down the stairs and through the halls until they reached her neighborhood.  Kili tried not to look as Fili leaned down and chastely kissed Beryl’s lips.

“I hope to see you again soon,” he whispered.

She nodded.  “Me too.  Bye.  And thanks for rescuing us, Kili.”  She quickly walked away and then the brothers turned around and started to run.  About half way along, they extinguished the torch and quickly, but quietly, walked the rest of the way.  Fili and Kili shared adjoining apartments, so they went into Kili’s chambers first.

Fili let out an exhale of relief.  “Thanks, Kee.  I owe you one.”

“Well, when I start to court a girl, I’ll remember this favor.”

“I’m not courting her Fili.  We’ve just gotten together a couple of times for dinner and laughs,” Fili said, glad for the darkness of the room.  He didn’t want Kili to see his face turning pink.

“Yeah, sure, I know,” Kili chuckled.  “But the two of you fell asleep together and I saw you kiss her.”

“We only fell asleep like that.  Nothing else happened.  We didn’t mean to.  We were just sitting together and talking,” Fili said.

Kili laughed.  “You don’t have to explain anything to me.  Are you going to ask to court her?”

Fili smiled.  “I want to.”

Kili slapped him on the back.  “Good.  Now get to bed or else we’ll both be falling asleep during Uncle’s planning meeting.”

Fili groaned.  “Yeah.  Night Kee.”

Chapter Text

Fili and Beryl had managed to get together a couple more times over the next couple of weeks.  He gave her a tour around Erebor and showed her parts of the city that most folk didn’t get to see.  They spent another afternoon together, watching several fighting matches in the main tournament arena.  Fili didn’t know many who participated, but one of Beryl’s travelling companions was in the competition, so they cheered him on.

Fili was smitten with Beryl.  She was one his mind all of the time.  But, when he wanted to give up his position just so he could spend more time with her, he knew it was time to ask if he could court her.  This presented a few problems to him and as much as he hated to do it, he would have to ask Thorin for his council. 

Thorin answered the door when Fili knock at his private apartment door late one evening.

“What can I do for you?” Thorin asked, sitting down.  He had a pretty good idea of what Fili had come for.

“It’s about Beryl.  I want to ask to court her.”

“I wondered how much longer you were going to wait,” Thorin said with a small smile.

“Well, how do I go about it?  Her parents are dead.  Do I just ask her?  Can I even ask her?” Fili asked.

“You’re the prince.  You can ask anyone you want, although, the higher ranking, the better.  You say her parents are dead?”

Fili nodded.   “She has a brother, but he’s not in Erebor.  Do I need to ask him for permission?”

“You might want to talk to her about that, but there is nothing that says you must ask for the permission of the closest family.  It’s the polite thing to do, but in cases such as these, when there is no family, you can just ask to court her.”

“But,” Fili said, “if we do decide to marry, would she be acceptable to you?  To the council?  To our people since she will be the mother to the next generation of the line of kings?”

“Since you are the next king and the duty of producing the next heir falls to you, only you can truly decide who will be the best mother for your heirs,” Thorin sighed.  It was a hard life for their family to not be free to love whomever they wanted without their choices being questioned.  And it was worse to think, was that Fili and probably the kingdom thought of Fili’s first born as an heir rather than a child to be cherished.  It was the way of kings.

Fili sighed.  “It is a burden to the dam.  Isn’t it?  Whether it’s Beryl or someone else, whomever I marry will be judged for her abilities and whether she has the qualifications to be the future queen and mother to the next king.”

Thorin nodded.  “Do you know anything about her family?”

“Well, her parents were born here in Erebor, but they were very young when Smaug came.  From what Beryl has told me, her parents were probably around the age of Uncle Frerin.”

Thorin looked up in surprise.  Frerin was not often brought up, which always made Thorin a little sad.  He missed his brother.  “Do you know their names or the names of Beryl’s grandparents?”

“I know her father was Hrir, son of Drir and her mother was Eise, daughter of Nabi,” Fili answered.

Thorin nodded.  “I’ll have Ori see if he can find those names in the genealogies.  Maybe we can learn a little about your lass.  So, when are you going to ask her?  Do you have a bead ready?”

Fili blushed, but nodded.  He did have everything ready to ask her.

Because their schedules were so different, they had made weekly dates on the same day of the week at the same hour.  Mostly, they went to the dining hall to eat and talk, but sometimes they went on walks or to watch matches at the arena.

Fili was nervously bouncing on the balls of his feet when he was approached by a group of four dwarves.  Before he knew what was happening, several knives were drawn and Fili was being attacked.  With years of training and the personal arsenal of weapons he kept on him Fili was quickly able to fight back.  He could smell the alcohol on the breath of his attackers.

His fighting style was a sword in each hand, so having a knife in each hand meant he was able to defend himself well.  But when he had his first chance at gaining the upper hand, he hesitated.  These were no mindless orcs attacking him.  These were his people.  His subjects.  His kind.  He could not kill them like he could an orc or goblin.

The moment’s hesitation allowed one of the attackers the opportunity to jump in on the open gap Fili left for himself.  Fili’s upper arm was sliced by a knife before he was able to take out the attackers.  None of Fili's blows were killing ones, but it certainly incapacitated them.

Because he was in a public place, there were dwarves nearby who were able to come to the prince’s aid.  The attackers were soon pulled off of him, and most got several punches to the face and gut before the struggle was over.   The patrol guard that showed up moments later made a protective circle around Fili.

“Guard,” Fili said, “take these four to the prison cells.  I’ll deal with them presently.”

“My Lord,” the captain bowed and then ordered half of his men to escort the prisoners to the cells. 

Fili watched them go.  Then entire attacked had lasted less than a minute, but it felt like it had been longer.  Fili heard a scuffle behind him and some guards ordering someone back and then a loud clapping.  Fili turned to see Beryl being held back by two guards on each side of her.  They pinned her arms against her body so she could not move and by so doing, cut off her only way of communicating with Fili.

“Beryl!” Fili called out.  “Let her go,” he ordered the guards.

“Sir, there was just an assassination attempt on your life, we can’t let unknown dwarves near you,” the captain said.

“She’s not an unknown dwarf.  She’s my be…,” Fili stopped himself, having almost called her his beloved, but he couldn’t say that.  Not yet.  “My friend,” he said instead.  “She is no threat to me.”

Reluctantly, the guards let go of Beryl’s arms.  Fili held out his uninjured arm to her and she walked slowly to him. 

“You’re hurt,” she said.

Fili nodded.  From a pocket, she pulled out a handkerchief and tied it around his arm.

“Thank you,” he whispered.  He looked out to the not-so-small crowd that had gathered nearby.  He needed to get out of the open.  “Stay with me,” he took her hand and Beryl nodded.

The captain came to him.  “We must leave, sir.”  The remaining guard encircled around Fili and Beryl as they escorted them from the hall and towards the royal wing.

“Mahal, lad!” Dwalin’s deep voice called out as he jogged toward the procession.  “What happened?”

“Not here, Dwalin,” Fili said.

“It was an assassination attempt, Captain,” the patrol captain told Dwalin.  “The four involved have been apprehended and are being put into the cells as we speak.”

Dwalin nodded.  “I’ll be down soon to interrogate them.  Put out the word to your guard that Nori is needed at the prince's chambers.  He’ll hear the news soon enough and I want his help.”

“Yes sir,” the captain said.  Having delivered Fili to safety, all the guard, but two, were dismissed to carry on with dealing with the attack on the prince.  The two remaining guard would stand by him.

Dwalin’s face was fierce and he looked at Beryl, an unknown dwarf to him, none too kindly.  Beryl had not yet encountered Dwalin and pressed herself close to Fili.  He gave her hand a squeeze.  It wasn’t long before Fili was in his own quarters.  The two guards posted themselves as sentries at his door.  Dwalin checked all the rooms to make sure no one else was there and that all doors that led out of the apartment were locked.  This included the door that led to Kili’s apartments.  Dwalin locked Fili in and promised to return in a few minutes with Thorin.

Now it was just Fili and Beryl in the room.  They stood for a moment, still holding hands, in something of a state of shock before Beryl let go of his hand and spoke.

“You need to sit down.  Let me tend to your arm.”

She helped Fili to a chair.  Now that the excitement was over, the pain in his arm and the reality of the situation finally hit him.  Those dwarves had tried to assassinate him. 

Beryl helped him to remove the layers of his clothes until his chest was bare, then she went to the washroom for hot water.  When she came back to Fili, he was shaking.  She recognized the beginning stages of shock.  She gently pushed him back so he was leaning against the back of the chair, picked up his coat and draped it over him, leaving his injured arm free.  She carefully washed it and was happy to see the cut was not deep.  She wished she had some herbs to make a poultice with that would prevent infection, but she would have to leave Fili to get those things and right now, leaving Fili was not an option.

She rinsed the rag, wrung it out and pressed it against his arm.  His shaking had stopped and he turned to her.

“Not quite the way I had envisioned tonight,” he spoke quietly.

Beryl smiled.  With one hand she signed, “Me neither.”

“I’ve got so much I want to say, but I guess the most important thing right now is thank you.  Thank you for helping me and being here for me.”

She took his other hand and pulled it up to the rag she still pressed at the wound on his arm.  As soon as he was putting pressure on his arm, she was free to use both her hands.

“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  I’m glad you were not more seriously injured,” she signed.

“Did they hurt you, when they held you back?” Fili asked remembering what they had done to her.

She smiled.  “No.  I’m fine.”

“I wanted to ask you something very important tonight.  I don’t guess it’s the appropriate time, but I want to ask you all the same,” he took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes.  “Beryl, I was wondering if I might court you.”

Beryl smiled.  “I thought you’d never ask.”  She leaned in and gave him a kiss.  Fili reached into a pocket in his coat and pulled out a small wooden box.  He handed it to her.  She took it and opened it with a smile.  It was a silver bead with two blue beryl crystals in it.  She picked it up and looked into his eyes.  “It’s beautiful.”

Fili tried to reach up to her face, but only ended up dropping the rag, which fell to the floor, slightly bloody.  Beryl grinned, picked up the rag and placed it back on his arm.  She kissed him again.  Fili would have been happy to stay that way forever, but a loud knock at his door startled them.  Beryl scooted back, but Fili took her by the hand and held her close.  A moment later, the door burst open and Thorin, Dwalin, Balin, Kili, Oin, Dori, Nori, and Bofur came pouring in.

“Fili,” Thorin pressed his forehead to Fili’s.  Beryl still sat next to Fili so she could keep pressure on the rag over his wound, but she scooted back a bit when Thorin came over.  Kili was at Fili’s other side a moment later, and then Oin came and pushed Thorin gently away. 

“Let’s see the arm,” Oin grunted.

Beryl removed the rag and stood up, moving away from Fili to let the healer do his work.

“It’s fine, Oin,” Fili said.  “Beryl got me cleaned up.”

Oin didn’t hear, or pretended not to hear, Fili was never sure which. 

“Who’s this girl?” Dwalin not so politely asked.

“She’s my intended,” Fili smiled.  “Beryl, daughter of Hrir.”

Kili whooped with glee and several others shouted out their congratulations.  Bofur came over to Beryl and gently patted her on the back.  “Welcome to this crazy family.”

Beryl looked wide eyed at the crowd of people in Fili’s room.  She didn’t quite know what to do or who all these people were. 

Kili saw her nervousness and shock and went to stand with her.  He put his arm around her shoulders.  “They’re a noisy bunch, but they have hearts of gold, every one of them.”

Beryl gave a thankful smile to Kili.  He was her friend. 

Thorin came to her and kissed her cheek.  “I’m very happy for you both.” 

“This’s cut’s not deep and was well cleaned,” Oin said, ignoring the proceedings behind him.  He started pulling out some herbs from a pouch he carried.  Within moments, he had made a poultice and was packing it on Fili’s arm and then tied it tight with a clean bandage.  “Keep it clean and covered for a day with the herbs,” Oin said.

“You were lucky,” Thorin said.

“I know uncle,” Fili said.  “I’m sorry I had my guard down.”

“Where were you?” Dwalin asked.

“At the market gate, waiting for Beryl,” Fili said.

Beryl moved to be next to Fili and Kili took Fili’s other side again.

“It was my fault,” Fili sighed, “I had established a routine of meeting Beryl there.  I guess my attackers knew I would be there.”

Thorin sighed loudly.  “Have you remembered none of my training?  Never have a routine of places you go.  It makes it very easy for enemies to find you.”

“I know and I’m sorry,” Fili said.  He hated being reprimanded in front of the entire company, but it wasn’t the first time.  And he had been scolded by almost everyone in that room at some time or other over the course of his life.

“Lad, have you eaten?” Bofur asked.

Fili shook his head, still burning from the humiliation.

“I’ll go and get you and Beryl some food.  Dori, would you help?” Bofur asked.

Fili was grateful to Bofur.  He saw what no one else did, Fili’s embarrassment, and was doing what he could to relieve Fili of some of his audience.  Balin, Nori and Dwalin would have to stay and Bofur knew better than to try and drag Kili away, so he took Dori and left.

“Where are the attackers now?” Nori asked.

“In the lowest prison cells,” Dwalin grumbled. 

“Would you like me to question them?” Nori asked.

Thorin nodded.  “With Dwalin.”

“Thorin,” Fili said, “They were very drunk, judging by the alcohol I could smell on them.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Thorin said.  “They attack a prince; they have almost certainly forfeited their lives.”

“I knew one of them,” Beryl said.  Dwalin and Nori weren’t accustomed to seeing Beryl sign to speak, and so they did not notice what she said.

“Who did you know?” Thorin asked.  Dwalin looked at him with surprise.

“Did I miss something?” Dwalin growled.

Beryl stood up and clapped her hands once, loudly, to get Dwalin’s attention.  At first, he seemed quite angry at her actions, but the next moment, he looked intrigued.   “I’m mute, sir.  I can hear you just fine, but I must speak with my hands.  I just said that I knew one of Fili’s attackers.”

Dwalin watched the girl.  He was never good at Iglishmêk.  But Nori was.  He often used the silent signals to communicate with his fellow cohorts. 

Beryl went on, “One of them is named, Ultur.  He travelled with me when I came to Erebor.  I didn’t think he was capable of murder.”

“We’ll find out soon enough what their plans were,” Nori said.  Dwalin nodded.

Thorin and Dwalin questioned Beryl about everything that she had witnessed and about the dwarf she knew who had attacked Fili.  By the time they were done with her, Bofur and Dori returned with plates of food.  They invited Beryl to the table.  She looked to Fili, who nodded at her to go and eat.  Kili came with her and kept her company while Fili was questioned.

“I’m afraid Dwalin doesn’t like me,” she signed. 

Kili looked over to where the others sat and were talking quietly.  He looked back to her and signed, “Dwalin’s completely dedicated to Thorin and Fili’s safety.  There are few he trusts completely.  You’re new to him.”

Beryl smiled at Kili’s use of Igilshmek in an attempt to keep their conversation private.  “And that is what worries me.  I don’t care if he doesn’t like me, but if he doesn’t trust me,” she paused and looked over at Dwalin, “then he won’t let me near Fili.”

“I’ll stand up for you,” Kili signed.  “So will Thorin and Bofur.”

There was a scrape of chairs.  Kili and Beryl looked over to see Thorin, Fili and the rest standing up.  Thorin walked over to her and took her hand in his.

“Are you alright?” he asked.  She nodded.  “Has my nephew actually asked to court you yet?”

She nodded again and freed one of her hands from Thorin.  “He has.”

“Then why do you not wear your braid?” Balin asked.

“I only just asked her, Balin, before you lot barged in.  I haven’t had the chance to put in the braid, yet,” Fili answered. 

Beryl smiled and pulled out the small wooden box from the small purse that hung at her side.  She opened it and took out the bead for all to see.

Thorin inspected it for a moment.  “You made this, Fili?” he asked.

“Yes, sir,” Fili answered.

“It’s finely made and I like your choice in gems.” Thorin looked to Beryl.  “I want you two to stay here for a bit.  There are the guards outside if you need anything.  Kili will stay here with you.  The rest of us will deal with these assassins.”

“Thorin,” Fili stood, “Don’t you think I need to take care of my own business?”

“You will later.  For now, we don’t know if they were alone or there were more out to get you,” Thorin said.

“Then is it wise for you to go, Uncle?” Fili asked.

Thorin chuckled.  “Knowing the situation, I’m more wary now and will be better armed.  Besides, I’ll have Dwalin and Balin by my side.  Nothing can touch me with these two around.”  Balin shook his head with an amused chuckled.  Dwalin looked sterner than ever, which Fili knew, meant that Dwalin was proud of what Thorin had just said about him.

The group left, leaving Fili, Kili and Beryl alone.  Fili looked tired.

“You should get some sleep,” Beryl said.

“Not yet,” Fili said.  “I want to braid your hair.  May I?”  Beryl nodded and they moved to sit in front of each other.  Kili backed away, not wanting to intrude on this intimate moment, but he watched his brother with some reverence.  He had always been proud of his brother.  Fili had been his best friend since he was born.  He admired everything about Fili and loved him dearly.  To think; he might have lost Fili today.  Nothing in this world could have been worse.  Now he watched as his brother braided Beryl’s hair and Kili felt a surge of joy and a pang of sadness at the same moment.  He wanted Fili to be married and happy, but Beryl would replace Kili as the most important person in Fili’s life.  It was the way it was meant to be, but Kili still felt a little sad about it. 

Fili took the bead from Beryl’s outstretched palm.  He kissed it before snapping it in place in her hair.  They looked at each other with adoring eyes, then leaned in and kissed tenderly.  They went on a little longer than was respectable and Kili turned his gaze.  This moment was not his to share.

They all moved to sit in front of the fire to talk.  A horrible idea struck Fili, but he could not voice it right now.  It was something to discuss with Thorin later.  Beryl leaned into Fili’s uninjured side.  Finally, the exhaustion of the day’s events caught up with Fili and he started to nod off.

“Come one, love,” Beryl said.  She stood up and held out her hand.  Fili took it and allowed her to help him up.  His arm ached slightly.  She walked him to his room and kissed him again and bid him goodnight.  She knew she wasn’t allowed to leave his quarters, so she went back to the sitting room and made herself comfortable near the fire. 

Kili came in several minutes later, carrying blankets and furs.  He helped her make a soft nest in front of the fire and waited for her to settle down.

“I’ll be on the floor of Fili’s room, if you need anything during the night,” he said.

“Thank you.”

“If Thorin returns, tell him where we are and don’t leave this room, even with Thorin, until you wake me first and let me know.  Promise?”

Beryl nodded.  “I promise.  Thanks Kili.  Night.”

Kili went back into Fili’s room, but didn’t shut the door, making sure Beryl knew she was welcomed to come in and wake him if she needed.  They fell asleep.  Beryl woke during the night when she heard a yell.  For a moment she was disoriented, trying to remember why she was not in her own bed at home.  Then she remembered what had happened.  Fili’s attack, his proposal and the braid in her hair.  She ran her fingers over it.  She could hear a voice coming from Fili’s room.  It sounded like Kili.

“It’s alright Fee,” Kili was trying to sooth Fili, who was thrashing about in his bed.

Beryl ran in and went to Fili’s other side.  She patted his head and tried to hold his hands.  There were a few times when she really missed being able to speak, but she had never missed that ability so much as she did right then.  She would have given anything to speak gentle words and sooth Fili from his nightmare.

“Fili,” Kili grabbed at Fili’s hand.  “Beryl’s here.  She’s safe.  Fili, please wake up.”

It was a few more moments before Fili settled down and his eyes flew open.  “Kili! Beryl!” he shouted in the dark.

“Fili, it’s alright, everyone’s safe,” Kili said.  Fili flung his arms around his brother.

“It was terrible,” Fili whispered.  “Those assassins.  They had both of you and I could only watch as they murdered you both.”

Beryl sat on the bed next to Fili and touched his shoulder.  The next thing she knew, he was hugging her and she was patting him gently on his back.

“Maybe I should take your braid out,” Fili whispered.

Beryl sat back, looking hurt and Kili gasped in horrified surprise.  “Why would you take back your bead?  She has done nothing to warrant such a dishonor,” Kili stood up, staring at Fili in shock.

“Oh no,” Fili looked to Beryl, “no, no,no.  I didn’t mean it like that.  Beryl, I love you.  So much.  But by marking you with my bead will only make you visible to more attackers.  Everyone will know you are my intended.  Wearing my bead puts you in danger.”

Beryl sank into Fili’s side in relief and Kili sat back down next to his brother.

“I see what you mean,” Kili said.

“We’re not going to worry about that tonight,” Beryl said.  She and Kili lay down on the bed on either side of Fili. 

“Beryl’s right,” Kili said.  “Things are always worse at night.  We’ll think about it in the morning.”

It wasn’t long before the three of them fell asleep.  Thorin came in just before dawn and was alarmed when he saw them all in bed together, but then he chuckled and went to Fili and touched him gently.

“Fili,” Thorin whispered. 

Fili opened his eyes, saw Thorin, climbed over Kili and out of bed.  He followed Thorin out into the sitting room.

“Do I need to ask about why all of you are in bed together?” Thorin asked with a smirk.

“I had a nightmare,” Fili said, returning Thorin’s smirk.  Then he remembered where Thorin had just been.   “How did it go?”

Thorin sighed and sat down.  “We think we got the truth out of them.  They all pretty much gave the same story.  It seems one of them has is upset that you were spending so much time with Beryl.  He wants to court her and in their drunken, stupid minds, they thought if they got rid of you, he would have a chance.”

“I guess that’s the one Beryl recognized,” Fili said.

Thorin nodded.  “Yes.  They work together as stone carvers.”

“So what will you do with them?” Fili asked.

“Probably banish them from Erebor on pain of death if they ever come within the borders of the mountain again,” Throin answered.  “It’s a pretty light sentence for someone who tried to kill the crown prince.  Dwalin’s mad as a hornet.  He thinks they should be publicly executed as an example for anyone who’s got ideas about harming the line of Durin.”

“He’s probably right,” Fili said.

“Want to talk about it?” Thorin asked.

Fili sat back and rubbed his arm.  “I was taken by surprise, but I reacted and defended myself, just like I’ve been taught.  But then I realized I wasn’t fighting orcs or some mindless evil.  These are my kin.  My subjects.  I’ve never fought another dwarf for my life.  When I realized I was about to make a killing blow to one of my own, I hesitated.  That cost me.  Thankfully, it was hardly more than a scratch, but my hesitation could have been my life.”

Thorin nodded.  “I know, Fili. We’ve been lucky that your attackers were nothing more than a couple of drunken idiots and not true assassins.  But you can never take that chance again.  If you are attacked, you fight back.  You don’t have to kill, if that bothers you.  You are trained well enough to know how to incapacitate your attackers.  I suggest you stay low for a few days and we’ll keep your duties varied so no one can predict a pattern.”

Fili moved to sit next to Thorin and leaned into him, like he had as a child when he had been scared of thunder.  Thorin put his arms around Fili’s shoulders and comforted him. 

“Uncle?  I’ve asked Beryl if I can court her.  I’ve braided her hair and put in my bead, but I’m scared for her now.  I’ve just made her a potential target.  I would never want to put her in harm’s way.”  Fili sat back up.

Thorin exhaled long and loud.  “Fili, whether you court and marry Beryl or some other dam, there will always be an element of danger for her.  As a princess and future queen, there are risks.  When you have children, they will be at risk, too.”

Fili looked terrified now.  “Then how can I do that?  How can I marry and have children and know that I’m putting them in the line of danger?”

“It’s part of being a king.  It’s part of being a member of the royal family.  It comes with the territory.  But we’ll take every pre-caution.  We’ll learn how to best protect everyone.  Don’t live your life in fear now.”

Fili nodded.  There was a soft sound behind him and he and Thorin looked up to see Beryl walking in.  “Your uncle is wise,” she signed, “don’t be afraid and don’t worry for me.” 

“I’ll always worry about you,” Fili smiled.  He took her hand and held it for several moments.  He tried to pull her down to sit next to him, but she resisted.

“It’s time I came up with a courting gift for you,” she smiled.  She went back to where she had removed her boots, her belt, coin purse and outer coat.  She reached into the coin purse and pulled something out.  Fili watched in interest.  She came back to him and sat down, holding out something to him.  He took the object.  It was rectangular and heavy.  Stone.

In the dim light, he could see it was a small box about the size of his palm.  The top of the box was intricately carved with the geometric pattern that was Fili’s sigil.  The lid to the box was removed by sliding it from tiny grooves in the side of the box.  The entire box, inside and out, were smooth and highly polished black stone.

“This is incredible,” Fili gasped.  “Did you make this?”

“Of course.  I’m a stone carver, after all,” Beryl grinned.

“But you did not know I would ask you to court me, but you had this ready?” Fili asked.

Beryl blushed.  “I had hoped you would.  I made the box over the winter time, before we came here.  But after meeting you, I started to carve the lid.”

“It’s stunning.  Would you like to see?”  He held the box out to Thorin.

“Beautiful.  I’ve never seen anything like it.”  Thorin turned the box over in his hands.  “You are very talented, my dear.”  He passed the box back to Fili.  “I need some sleep.  Beryl, I’ve asked Fili to keep out of the public eye for a day or two, but what do you want to do?”

Beryl blushed.  “I would like to stay here with Fili and never leave his side.  But, I have a job to do and I should go about my business as usual.”

“Very good.  I can have a guard escort you home or to your work, whenever you need to go,” Thorin said standing up. 

“May I return here after my day is done?” she asked, but suddenly thought how that might be taken wrong.  “I mean, maybe meet Fili for dinner?”

Thorin smiled, “Of course you may.  I’ll let the guards know who patrol the royal wing that you are to be allowed in at any time.”  He came up to Beryl and took her hands in his, then he kissed her cheek.  “You take care and stay aware of your surroundings.  Alright?”

Beryl nodded and Thorin left them alone.  Fili was still holding and admiring the box Beryl had given him.  “I’ll be right back,” he said.  He took the box to his room.  Kili still slept on the bed and looked to be doing his very best to take up every inch of space.  Fili chuckled to himself.  He felt bad for Kili’s future wife.

He went back to the sitting room holding a soft blanket and pillow.  He sat back on the long couch and put the pillow onto his chest.  “Come rest,” he said.  Beryl grinned and settled herself against the pillow.  Fili pulled the blanket on top of her.  From his place behind her, he could easily stroke her face.  He rubbed at her cheek, massaged her temples and the bridge of her nose.  He ran his finger along her chin.  She soon relaxed completely and fell asleep in his arms.  He closed his eyes and put his head back.  Yes, he could easily get use to holding her like this.

Chapter Text

By the next day, everything was back to normal.  Fili went out among his duties again, but had a body guard anytime he walked about the kingdom.  Now that Beryl was courting him, he got to see her every day and that pleased him greatly.  They were so much in love and their joy was contagious among the company.  Everyone was happy to see the two love birds together.

Beryl joined Fili for dinner every evening.  Four days after Fili’s attack, Beryl came a few minutes later than normal.  Fili kissed her a welcome.  She had a mischievous look in her eye.

“What is it?” Fili grinned.  “You’ve got something on your mind.”

Beryl playfully hit him on his uninjured arm.  She reached into the purse she wore about her waist and pulled out a small crystal bell.  She rang it a few times, showing the clear tinkling sound it made.

“It’s beautiful, but what’s it for?” Fili asked.

“Do you hear that?”  She ran it once, so the clapper hit the side of the bell twice, ding, ding.  Fili nodded.  She rang it again.  Ding, ding.  “It’s Fili,” she signed.  She couldn’t make the sound of his name, but he heard what she was trying to do.  Each of the dings produced by the bell was a syllable of his name.  Ding, ding; Fi, li.

“Oh, I see,” he smiled.  “But why?”

She gave an exasperated look and put the bell down.  “It’s so I can call out loud to you.  Remember the other day, after you were attacked, you had your back to me and they wouldn’t let me near you.  I couldn’t call out to you.  But with the bell,” she picked it up and rang it again. Ding, ding; Fi, li.  “Now I can make you aware that I’m nearby.”

Fili grinned.  “It’s brilliant.  You are the smartest lass ever.”  He kissed her not so chastely.  They were alone, for the moment.  Usually Thorin had a member of the company stay with them when they were alone, keeping an eye on them and making sure they didn’t do anything they shouldn’t while courting.  Fili was offended by the chaperone requirement and Beryl was a little embarrassed, but they accepted it.  Usually, it was best when Kili, Bofur, Nori or Ori acted as their chaperone.  They could sit a little closer and kiss a little more than if Balin or Dori were with them.

The young couple were surprised to see Thorin and Ori walk in.  Beryl curtsied.

“Hello, Beryl,” Thorin smiled.  “How are you today?”

“I’m well,” she signed.  “My work is going well and I’ve almost completed the restoration of another wall in the Great Chamber of Thror.”

“I’m glad to hear it.  Thank you for your work in the restoration of Erebor.  It’s so important to have the words of our father’s, and my grandfather, restored to us,” Thorin said.  “Beryl, what can you tell me about your ancestors?”

Beryl looked a little nervous.  “Well, my father was named Hrir, son of Drir, and mother was Eise, daughter of Nabi.  My parents were born here in Erebor, but they were very young when the dragon came.  I believe father was twenty and mother was eighteen.  My father’s parents were killed that day.  My father’s father, I believe he was a goldsmith and father’s mother did not have a craft that I’m aware of.  Mother’s father served in the King’s Guard and mother’s mother was a weaver.”

“Ori has been doing a little research for me and we believe we have found record of your parents in the genealogies,” Thorin said. 

Ori stepped closer with several large books in his hands.  “Here we are.  First, here is the record of your father’s birth.  Hrir, son of Drir, son of Nrir.  Their genealogies can be traced back to the earliest settlers in Erebor with King Thrain the First.”

“Really?” Beryl said.  “I had no idea.”

“Oh yes, it’s quite interesting.  Several of your ancestors on your father’s side were among those with King Thrain.  As for your mother,” Ori pulled open another book and pointed at a page, “her grandparents were from the Blue Mountains.  They had been living there since the dwarves were forced from Khazad Dum.  That is where your mother’s side originated.   You are descended from several prominent ancient families.  Your grandfather on your father’s side was a Lord of fair ranking, but King Thror, after some great services done for the king, granted Drir, Head of the House of Ir, a place of high position.  He was made Lord Ir, head of the Erebor Firebeards, and given the third place in the council of Thror.”

“Third?” Fili asked.  “That’s a high position for noble lords.”

Thorin nodded.  “Did you know any of this, Beryl?”

“No,” she said.  “But father was very young when his parents were killed.  If he knew his father’s rank, he never said.  He might not have understood his father’s position when he left or perhaps he chose to give it up.  I don’t know.  I wish now that I could ask.”

“Would your brother know?” Fili asked.

“He might.  I could write him,” Beryl said.

“You have a brother?” Ori asked and Beryl nodded.  “We can add him to the genealogies.”

“Yes.  I can provide you with his information.  I suppose he is now Lord of our House,” Beryl said with a small smile.  “Would my brother still hold grandfather’s rank?”

Thorin shook his head.  “No.  His title would have been kept in the family, but the council rank is changed whenever there is a new king.  If Erebor had not been lost to the dragon, your father might have been given a place at Thrain’s council, but things did not work out so.  But it matters not.  What does matter is you are the granddaughter of the third ranking Lord of King Thror’s council.  That makes you a Lady of fairly high position.”

“Me?  A Lady?” Beryl grinned.  “Oh, my mother would have loved to have known that.  She was always after me for choosing to be a stone carver.  She kept saying proper dwarrowdams don’t carve stone and she kept trying to get me involved in the clothier arts, but I was not interested.  Had I been a lady, she wouldn’t have given me a choice, I think.”

Fili smiled.  “So what does all this mean?”

“It means that when your courtship is officially announced, I can use all the proper titles.  It will sound very impressive and put to rest all those who might say Beryl is not worthy enough to be a princess.”

“Worthy enough?” Beryl signed angrily at Thorin.

“Now, now,” Thorin placed his hands on Beryl’s shoulders.  “I know you are worthy without all the extra titles.  In fact, I’m not sure that Fili is worthy of you,” he looked up and grinned at Fili.  “But, there are several old-timers who would oppose the union due to your lack of family titles.  Not that it would matter to me, I’d marry you to Fili anyway, but it will make life easier for you having those titles attached.  They will have no reason to complain.”

“I see,” Beryl said.  “My goodness, so I’m a Lady?”

“Yes.  Lady Beryl of the noble house of Ir,” Ori smiled.  “It sounds very good.”

The following day, Thorin made the formal, official announcement of Fili’s courting to the council.  Several of them tried to protest, but after Thorin listed Beryl’s rank and titles, the grumbling council became quiet.

Today, Fili's schedules were full of meetings.  First there was the trade report with Dale, then there was a report from the head of the market council on the merchants who had tried to take advantage of Beryl.  They found that three of them were doing bad business altogether.  It was decided that they would be fined and get a warning.  If it was discovered again that they were still cheating, they would be banned from Erebor’s markets.

Next was a quick lunch and Fili sat down to another meeting.  The miner’s guild were reporting on the rubble excavation of one of old Erebor’s most prosperous mines.  It had filled with rubble and debris during Smaug’s occupation and now they were trying to discover if the mine was safe enough to start using again.

Partway into the meeting, Fili’s page came in, bowed to Fili and passed him a note.

“Archway collapse in third hall on the west side of the fourth level. Kili.”

Fili jumped up.  After Beryl had finished her work in the Great Chamber of Thror, she had been sent to a new hall that was in serious need of restoration.  He was quite certain it on the fourth level.  It must have been or else why would Kili personally send him a message?  He announced meeting dismissed and he started to run.  He couldn’t help but wonder if this was a deliberate collapse, knowing the future princess was there.

There was a loud commotion as he reached the hall.  Several dwarves were sitting off to the side, being treated for wounds from falling rocks.  Fili saw his brother.  “Kili!” he yelled.

Kili turned to his brother.  “More has fallen since the message I sent.  They say at least two are still trapped.”

“One of them’s Beryl, isn’t it?” Fili asked, not really needing an answer, because he already knew.

Kili nodded.  “Fili, don’t be rash.  You can’t go in there.”

But it was too late.  Fili was already at the entrance to the hall.  A team was moving rocks as quickly as they could. 

“How far back are the others?” Fili asked.

“Another thirty to fifty yards, sir,” one of the workers said.

Fili picked up a work helmet that miners wore to protect their heads.  He headed in to help.  It was hard to breath with all the dust.  Fili helped move the rocks.  He yelled into the tunnel.  “If you can hear us, call for help!”  There was no noise.

They kept up their digging.  Fili’s back ached and his fingers bled from hauling all the rocks, but he would not stop.  Slowly, they made their way through the debris and down the tunnel.

“A foot, sir!” the lead dwarf finally shouted.  Carefully, the rocks around the dwarf were removed until he was free.  He was bleeding, badly.  A strong miner came and lifted the injured dwarf and carried him away.  Fili started moving more rocks.  He had to find Beryl.  Among all the noise and turmoil, Fili heard a sweet sound.

Ding, ding.

“Beryl!” he yelled.

Ding, ding.

“I’m coming!” he worked harder to get rocks moved.  Kili came up behind him and helped.  “Kili, she’s here.  I heard her.”

“Fee, she can’t call to you,” Kili said.  “Whatever you heard, it wasn’t Beryl.”

“No, it is, listen.”  They waited a few moments and then heard the little bell sound.  “That’s her.”

Kili was confused, but he shrugged his shoulders and helped Fili to move rock as quickly as possible.  A bright bit of cloth could be seen in the lamplight and Fili worked harder.  “Beryl,” he said.  He heard the little bell again.  “Don’t worry, darling.  I’m here now.  Soon you’ll be free.”  With Kili’s help, they were able to reach her.  She was dusty, bruised and bloody, but smiling.  She couldn’t sign, but in one hand she clutched the little bell.  She rang it again and Fili understood her.

A stretcher was brought in and Fili and Kili lifted her onto the stretcher and then helped to moved her out of the tunnel.  Fili stayed with her while she was rushed to the healing ward.  Kili stayed behind to help finish the cleanup. 

“You’re going to be alright,” Fili said to her as he walked beside her.  Oin and several other healers got to work right away.  Fili stayed as close as he could and when he couldn’t be next to her, he stayed in her line of vision.  It was odd and eerie the way she couldn’t yell or cry out at the pain, but he could tell that she was in pain.  Her breath was sharp and ragged.  Fili stood behind her head, and pressed his forehead down on hers.  “It will be over soon, darling,” he whispered. 

She nodded.  Tears streamed down her face while they reset her broken arm.  Thankfully the arm was the worst of her injuries, but there were three stitches needed on the back of her shoulder where one of the boulders had fallen.  Finally Oin gave her a tonic which quickly put her to sleep.  When she finally relaxed and her breathing was the deep, even breathing of sleep, did Fili finally look up from her face.  He didn’t know when Thorin had come in, but he was standing in a corner, being filled in on Beryl’s injuries by Oin.  When Oin had finished, the healers left and Thorin came to Fili.

“Lad,” he put an arm around Fili’s shoulders.  “You can’t get a break, can you?”

Fili chuckled mirthlessly. 

“Kili told me what happened,” Thorin said looking at Beryl.  “And Oin gave me a report of all the injuries.  She definitely got the worst of it.  Bofur’s leading an investigation of the collapse.  We’ll find out what happened.”

Fili looked back to Beryl.  Her little bell was still clutched in her hand.  The other arm was splinted and wrapped tightly with bandages.  Talking with her was going to be difficult.

“Are you alright?” Thorin asked Fili.

“Yeah,” Fili sighed.  “I’m fine.  I’m just concerned for her.”

“You’re free of your duties tomorrow,” Thorin said.  “Take good care of her.” 

“Thank you, Uncle Thorin.”

“I’ll check on you both again later and if you hear of anything or you need me, just send word and I’ll come,” Thorin went to Beryl and gently touched the side of her face, then he left.

Fili pulled up a chair and sat down near Beryl’s head.  His mind whirled.  He thought of his attack, of her in the rubble, of the dream of Kili and Beryl being murdered, and suddenly, his mind was filled with every time someone he loved was in trouble.  The orc attack in the Blue Mountains.  The Battle of the Five Armies.  Every injury stood out in bright red against those he loved.

He saw a huge rock falling from the ceiling right at Beryl.  “No!” he cried out.  His body jerked and he nearly fell out of his chair.  He must have fallen asleep.  He looked back to Beryl.  The bruises on her face and body looked twice as bad.  He felt her head.  Thankfully it seemed normal.  No fever.  One of the healers came in a while later and listened to her breathing, checked her wounds and felt her temperature. 

“She’s doing well, you’re majesty,” the healer said.  She was a kind faced dam who looked to be about his mother’s age.  “That tonic Master Oin gave her will be wearing off soon.  When she wakes, you can give her a little water.  Keep her calm and don’t let her get up.  Just call out for me.  I’ll be here the rest of the night.”

“Thank you, Healer,” Fili waited to hear the healer’s name.

“Bofa, sire.”

“Thank you, Healer Bofa.  I’ll call when she wakes,” Fili smiled as best as he could in his tired state.  The sleep he had just woken from had not been restful.  He took the little bell from her hand and slipped it into the little purse at her belt, then he held her hand in his.

“I’m so sorry, Beryl,” he whispered.  “You don’t deserve this at all.  It’s my fault.  If I had not spoken to you when you came to Erebor, you would be happily working at your carvings and not having to fear for your life because you got tangled up in the messed up life of the crown prince.”  Fili sighed and wiped away at a tear that threatened to fall.  “The thing is, I love you too much now.  You mean so much to me and I don’t want to leave your side, ever.  I know we’ve only been courting a short time and we haven’t even had the chance to really go through the customs of courting, but I just want to skip it all and marry you."

Fili rubbed at her knuckles.  He leaned down and kissed them.  “I don’t blame you if you don’t want to continue our courtship, though.  It’s been rather dangerous.  In fact, I might even be a little relieved.  Then at least you might be able to live a life without fear of assassination attacks.  What a crazy mess of your life I’ve made.”

He sat by her side and stroked her hair off her face, gently rubbed the bridge of her nose, and kissed the knuckles on her unbroken hand.  He might not have felt the squeeze of her hand on his, but he had been sitting very still for a while and so he felt the faint movement.

“Beryl?” he whispered.  “It’s alright.” 

She moved ever so slightly and stopped.  Her face contorted with pain and she inhaled a sharp breath.

“Shh, don’t move.  Wake up slowly.  Can you open your eyes?” Fili asked.  He waited.  She was still, but the muscles in her face were twitching.  Her eyes opened and after a moment, focused in on Fili.  He smiled.  “There’s my beautiful lass.”  She squeezed his hand and blinked her eyes once.  “You’re pretty banged up, my love, and you’ve got a broken left arm, but you’re going to be alright.”

Her fingers twitched, like she was trying to say something, but lacked the strength to actually sign anything.  He looked down at her hand.  “My love,” she said in an abbreviated way.  Fili understood.

“My love,” he said back.  He let her wake a little more.  “Are you thirsty?” he asked.

She nodded.  He helped her to sit up just a little, so she didn’t drown herself with the cup.  Then he laid her back down.  “Are you in pain?”

She blinked her eyes once and nodded.

“Alright, I’m not leaving you, but I’m stepping into the doorway to call for the healer.”  He got up and went to the door.  “Healer Bofa?” he quietly called.  A moment later, the healer came out of a room and down the hall to where Beryl’s room was.

“You’re awake,” the healer announced when she walked in and saw Beryl’s open eyes.  “How are you?”

“Hurt,” Beryl signed.  The healer didn’t seem to notice, but Fili did.

“She hurts,” Fili answered.  “She can’t speak, so you’ll have to watch her hands if you need any information from her.”

“Oh, I see,” the healer blushed a little red.  “Forgive me.  I didn’t know.  Now, can you tell me what hurts?”

“All,” came the simple one-handed sign. 

“I’ll get you some pain relief tea,” the healer felt Beryl’s head again for any sign of warmth, but there was none.

No fever meant no infection.  Thank goodness for small mercies, Fili thought.  Beryl’s eyes were closed again. Fili rubbed at her hand.  He felt it move and he looked down to see if she was trying to say something.

“Bell.”

“It’s here, in your purse,” Fili touched the small bag. He untied it from her waist and pulled out the bell.  “See?”

She reached for it and Fili put it in her hand.  She rang it, like she did for his name.

“What is it, darling?” he asked.

She smiled and set the bell down.  “Like name.”

“Like name?” Fili asked, not sure what she meant.  “Fili?”

She gave a small shake of her head and smiled.

“Darling?”

She nodded.  “Like name,” she signed again.

“I’m glad that you like it, because I quite like calling you my darling.”

She grinned and put her lips out like she wanted a kiss.  Fili wasn’t about to deny his beloved her request, so he bent down and kissed her.  He started to pull away, but she took his hand and pulled at it.  He took it as a request for more, so he leaned in and kissed her again.  She turned it into something more passionate than just the chaste kiss he had tried to give her.  He melted against her and returned the kiss.

There was so much he wanted to say to Beryl.  He wanted to tell her all those things he had said to her when she was sleeping.  He wanted to tell her how much he loved her and wanted to skip the rest of the courting time so he could marry her, but he would not tell her all of this.  Not now.  Not while she was in pain and half drugged with Oin’s tonics.  He would wait.

He heard a sound in the hall and pulled away from the sweet kiss.  The healer returned a moment later with some tea.

“Here we are,” she said.  “Prince Fili, could you help her sit up so she can drink?”

Fili looked to Beryl.  “Ready?” he asked.

She nodded and he helped to lift her head and shoulders off the bed.  Beryl drank her tea and Fili put her back down. 

“Darling,” he said.  It gave him a little thrill to know how much she liked the pet name.  “I’m going to stay with you.  Thorin has given me the day free so I may be with you.  But, while you sleep, I’m going to run to my room for a few things.  So, if you wake from a sleep and I’m not here, know that I will be back very soon.  Alright?”

She nodded.  He looked to her hands to see if she had a reply.  Her one hand, was bandaged, splinted and strapped to her body to give it some stability.  Her other hand was fine, but that arm had been hurt and that shoulder had gotten stitches.  Her hand hardly left the bed in the few words she had managed to sign.

“Want to talk.  Much to say,” she signed simply with her good hand.  “Hard.”

“I know.  Sleep now.  You’ll be feeling better soon and it will be easier to talk.”  Fili rubbed at her hair.

“Nose,” she said.

Fili chuckled.  She had told him before how much she liked it when he massaged the bridge of her nose, so he did.  She sighed and closed her eyes.  Her body relaxed and soon, she had fallen asleep again.

Chapter Text

Beryl was moved to Fili’s apartment and Fili moved in with Kili.  Beryl insisted she could go back to her own home, but Fili had asked that for the first week, at least, after the accident, that she stay there so he could be near by.

She was frustrated, though, and in more pain than she liked to let on.  Fili came home one evening after his day of work was done, to find Beryl fuming in her bed.  He approached carefully.

“What’s the matter?” he asked.

“I hurt,” she signed with her one good hand.

“Can I get you something?” he asked.

“I mad.”

“I can tell.  Is there anything I can do for you?” Fili sat down on the side of the bed.

“Miss voice.  Want to growl.”

“Should I growl for you?” he chuckled, hoping she would smile, but she only glared at him.  His smile was gone in an instant.  He reached over to the bedside table where they had a slate and some chalk.  Not being able to use both of her hand limited her ability to speak, so he had brought in the slate for her to write on and that had been a little better.  It was a slower way of talking, but at least she could express her thoughts more completely.

He handed her the chalk.  “Growl with this,” he said.  She didn’t understand what he wanted her to do, so he took the chalk and showed her.  He scribbled all over the slate and growled.  She snatched the chalk away from him and scribbled hard.  All her frustration was being poured into the chalk and she covered every bit of the slate with it.  Then she took the chalk and smashed it to bits on the slate, rubbing her palm into the slate and turning the chalk into dust.  She tried pounding on the slate with her fist, but Fili pulled the slate away and stuck a pillow in her lap.  She punched the pillow over and over.  Fili was afraid she would hurt herself, but he could see the tension was starting to die away, so he waited.

Finally, she hit the pillow one last time and flopped back onto the bed, her energy spent.  Fili put the slate down and gently picked up her hand.  He looked over it to make sure she hadn’t injured herself, but all her hand was, was covered in chalk.  He gently rubbed her hand until she let out a long exhale of air and finally turned her eyes to him.  They were red and moist with tears.

“Feel better?” he asked.

She nodded.  “Sorry,” she signed.

“Don’t be sorry.  You’re being cooped up in a bed that’s not yours with a broken arm and other injuries.  I don’t blame you one bit for being frustrated.  After the battle, when I had so many wounds, I didn’t think I’d ever be allowed off my bed again.  I was afraid I’d never be able to use my fighting arm again.  It was a terrible time and I was miserable.  I understand your anger.”

“Can’t talk now.”

He sighed and scooted to sit next to her in the bed.  He put his arm around her shoulder and she leaned into him.  “Your arm will be better soon.”

“Why you love me?”

He sat up and looked at her in surprise.  “Why do I love you?” he chuckled.  “There aren’t enough hours in a day for me to tell you all the reasons.  You would get so sick of hearing me talk if I were to tell you all the reasons." He looked into her face and saw her pleading eyes. He smiled and held her close. "Well, first of all, you’re beautiful.  When I first saw you right after you arrived in Erebor, I remember thinking how lovely you were.  The color of your hair, the sweet smile you gave me, that beautiful body,” he smiled.  “You are so beautiful and I never grow tired of looking at you.  But, that’s not the only thing about you that I like.  You’re smart, funny, kind, patient with me and my family, and you are a brilliant stone carver.”

“I can’t talk.”

“You can’t speak with a voice, but you can talk and I love talking to you.  I don’t care that you can’t speak out loud.  Has that stopped us from having long conversations about everything and nothing?  Has that kept us from making plans about our future?  Has that kept us from sharing our secrets and desires?  I should say not.  In case you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m in complete love with you and if Thorin would agree, I’d marry you right now.

“Really?” she asked.

Fili blushed.  “That is, if you wanted to,” he stuttered.  “I wouldn’t make you if you didn’t want to marry me.”

“I do,” she smiled and looked up to him.  “I love you.”

“I wonder how much longer we have to wait until we reach an acceptable courting period?” Fili asked.

“Not until arm better,” she said.  “Chalk, chalk.”

Fili hopped up off the bed and lifted the slate.  Every tiny bit of it was covered in chalk.  He looked at her with a smile, but she blushed with embarrassment.

“I was mad,” she said.

Fili wiped the slate down and handed her a new piece of chalk.  “We can’t marry until my arm is better.  I want to be able to speak properly and I want to have that arm available for other uses for after we marry.”  She gave him a coy grin and this time it was Fili’s turn to blush.

“But do you really want to marry me?” he asked.

“YES!” she wrote.  “I love you and want to be your wife.”

Fili put the slate down and he kissed her.  Her one good arm came up to his shoulder and she pulled at him to sit down with her again.  Without his lips leaving hers, he sat down next to her on the bed again and tangled his fingers up in her hair.

“You two,” an exasperated, amused voice said, “always at it, aren’t you?”

“Kili,” Fili pulled away from his love’s lips with an exasperated sigh, “you just always come in at the wrong time.  I hope in the future, after we’re married, you will consider knocking before walking in on us.  You might see more than you’re ready for.”

“Trust me,” Kili laughed, “when you are married and I no longer am required to play chaperone, I will always knock.”

Beryl felt much better after her episode with the chalk and the ability to blow off some steam.  Bofur and a lady friend of his brought in dinner that evening and the five of them sat together in Fili’s bedroom laughing and talking.  The other dam, whose name was Elka, had known Bofur years ago in their youth in the Blue Mountains, but while she had been in her fifties, her family had moved away to the Iron Hills to seek better opportunities.  And after Erebor had been reclaimed, she had moved here.  She and Bofur were happy to have found one another again and were now courting.  Elka was as friendly, kind and down to earth as Bofur. 

“I feel rather left out, you know,” Kili said.  Fili and Beryl have each other and you and Elka have each other.”

“More dwarves arrive to Erebor every week, Kee,” Fili said.  “Perhaps your girl is on her way here now.”

Kili smiled.  “Perhaps, but really, I’m not ready for that just yet.  Maybe in a decade or two.”

Elka patted his shoulder.  “There is a lucky dam out there somewhere.  A very lucky one indeed.”

Bofur and Elka were taking the dinner dishes away when there was a knock at the door.  Fili opened it and welcomed his uncle into his apartment.

“Evening, Thorin,” Bofur said as he and Elka were leaving.

“Bofur,” Thorin nodded his head at his friend.  “Fili, how’s Beryl today?”

“Better now,” Fili said.  “She’s frustrated that she can’t speak properly right now with one arm broken and but some food and good company has helped her.”

“May I speak with her?” Thorin asked.

“Of course,” Fili led Thorin to Fili’s bedroom.  Kili was still sitting there with Beryl and he was in the middle of a funny story.

“Hello, Uncle,” Kili smiled.

“Majesty,” Beryl signed with her one hand.

“You can call me Thorin, you know,” he said.

“I know.  One handed, majesty’s easier,” she signed.

Thorin smiled.  “I found something interesting and I was hoping I could share it with you; get your professional thoughts on the matter,” Thorin said, pulling up a chair to sit next to her.  Fili and Kili sat down nearby, allowing Beryl to give her attention to Thorin who pulled out a scroll from an inner pocket of his tunic.  “I found this today, while going through my grandfather’s study.  It seems he had big plans for carving the walls of the royal wing.”

Thorin undid the scroll and held it out for Beryl to see.  She looked it over, reading the instructions.  Her eyes grew wide. 

“What do you make of it?” Thorin asked.

“Chalk,” Beryl answered.  Fili got up, cleaned the slate and passed her a piece of chalk.  She started to write.

“This is a huge project.  Did none of it ever get done?”

“No.  I believe they were getting ready to start it.  I found a spot on the wall where it looked like one rune was carved.  I don’t know if the dragon coming prevented any more work from being done on it, or something else, but nothing more than the center rune was completed.”

Beryl looked over the plans.  It was a huge genealogy with names, dates, and faces.  It started with Durin the Deathless, the first of their fathers and ended with Thorin’s generation.  There was a name next to Thorin’s that Beryl had not heard of.

She pointed to the name. Frerin.

“My brother,” Thorin said.  “He was a good dwarf.  Better than I.  He was killed in battle when we were very young.”

“Sorry,” Beryl said.

“It was a very long time ago.”

“What about Fili and Kili?” Beryl wrote on her slate.

“You would need to add them in.  See, there’s no dams listed in the genealogies.  The boys are the sons of my sister.  She would need to be added to the line.  I guess Thror figured I would be the one to sire the next heir.”  Thorin frowned for a moment.

Beryl watched him.  She wasn’t sure what he wanted from her in regards to the instructions on the scroll.

“Do you think this is possible?” Thorin asked.

Beryl nodded.  “It’s easily done.  Something this size would take time, but it’s not terribly complicated.  “Any good carver could do it for you.”

“Would you be willing to do it?”

Beryl pointed to herself.

“Yes.  I would like to see this vision of my grandfather’s fulfilled and there is no one else I’d rather have to do this than you.”

Beryl took her chalk again.  “Is this some kind of conspiracy to protect me?”

“Beryl,” Fili said, a little shocked by her boldness, but Thorin only laughed.

“A little,” he smiled.  “With you courting the crown prince, you are a target for those who want to harm the royal family.  I want you to be protected and safe, yes,” Thorin said to her, “but I also want to see this project done.  To do this, I would have to be very careful in my selection of who I can allow into the royal wing.  I know that with you, I can trust you.  It would be safe for you and it would be safe for us.  Plus, this has the potential to be a spectacular carving and it would be all yours.  I have seen your work and it is impressive.  Even if you weren’t courting Fili, I would still ask you to do this.”

“I’m flattered.  Truly,” she smiled up at him before she continued writing.  “But I can’t do anything until my arm is healed.”

“My dear,” Thorin said, “we have all the time in the world to get this done.  It's been waiting since Thror's time. It can wait for you, however long it might take.  Of course, we would pay you for your services.  I wouldn’t expect you to do this for free.  Would you consider it?”

“Yes, Thorin, I’d be happy to do this.  It’s quite an honor,” she wrote.

Thorin grinned.  “Excellent.  When the time is right, let me know the supplies you need.  Also, I’m thinking of adding a bit to it, so this won’t be the final design.  I’ll get it to you when you’re ready to start.”

“Thank you,” she signed. 

Bofur’s lady friend would be staying the night with Beryl in Fili’s apartment and she arrived soon after Thorin left.  Fili made sure Beryl had everything she needed, kissed her goodnight and was about to leave with Kili when he hear the little bell.

Ding, ding.  Fi, li.  He turned around to see her smiling.

She quickly wrote.  “You’ll talk to Thorin about our discussion?”

“You mean about getting some books for you to read from the great library?  I’ll ask him straight away,” Fili smirked.

There was a sharp ring of her little crystal bell.  Fili turned back to look at her with a grin.

“You know very well that’s not what I meant, Prince Fili,” she wrote.  She picked up the erasing rag and dragged it over the slate.  “I meant about,” she put the slate down and looked into her lap.  “You know,” she signed.  “If you still want.”

Fili was by her side in an instant and kissed her lovingly.  “I know exactly what you mean,” he whispered, “and I want that very much.  I’ll go now to talk to him about our wedding.”

He kissed her again and left.  He walked down the hall to Thorin’s room and knocked.  Thorin opened it and allowed Fili in.  The scroll he had showed to Beryl was sitting out.  It seemed he had been looking over it when Fili arrived.

“What can I do for you?”

“Well, it’s about my courtship with Beryl.  How much longer until we can end the courtship in favor of marriage?”

Thorin arched his eyebrows at his nephew.  “Eager are we?”

“Well, we just don’t see any reason to wait when we both know it’s what we want.”

“And is it what you both want?” Thorin asked.

“Very much.  She asked that we at least wait until her arm is healed, so I’m guessing two, maybe three months.  Is that possible?”  Fili asked.

“Not at all,” Thorin said.  Fili’s heart sank.  “It’s too soon.  You need to give enough time to send out wedding announcements and invitations and allow people to make the journey here.”

“Thorin.  We don’t want to make this some huge event.  It’s not like your coronation was.”

“You’re right.  It’s bigger than my coronation.  This is not just some wedding.  This is the wedding of the future king of Erebor.  This is the future queen of Erebor and the parents of the future heir of Erebor. Erebor hasn't had a queen since your great-grandmother.”

FIli hadn't considered that before. Beryl would be the first queen in more than one hundred seventy years. He was very proud of her. “I know, but I was hoping,” Fili started, but knowing he had very little ground to walk on with Thorin.

“Don’t you want Bilbo to be able to attend you wedding?  Don’t you want your own mother there?”

“Well, yes, both of them,” Fili said.

“Then you need to wait at least six months.  Probably longer.  More like eight or nine.  A year from now would be the best, but I don’t know that you want to wait that long.”

“A year?  Certainly not,” Fili said.  “Six months maybe?”

“At the earliest,” Thorin smiled.  “I got a letter today from your mother.  She’s finally on her way.”

“It’s taken her a long time.  We’ve had dwarves from the Blue Mountains arriving since about six months after we reclaimed it.”

Thorin sat back down in his chair and held up a letter.  He was looking over it.  “There was a lot for your mother to see to.  She has organized every caravan from Ered Luin from the beginning.  She should have been out here by now, but you know she was called back to deal with some emergencies a few weeks after she left.  Nothing holds her back now.  Her desperation to see her sons has gotten too great.  She’ll be here before the summer ends.”

“I can’t wait to see her.  Do you think she’ll like Beryl?” Fili asked.

“I believe she will.  Beryl is like Kili.  They have a way of making you like them.  She just has to smile and people melt at her feet.  I know the company has, anyway.”

Fili laughed.  “You’re right.”  He looked over the scroll and saw the carving that Beryl was being commissioned to do.  “Uncle,” Fili gave Thorin a funny smile, “what do you think of Bofur’s lady, Elka?”

Thorin laughed.  “I’m very happy for him.  I hope they marry soon.”

“We might have to ask them to wait until Bilbo can get here.  Two weddings in one visit?  What will our little hobbit do then?”

“Probably try to cook us out of our winter’s stores of food,” Thorin chuckled.  “But I like your idea of doing two weddings at once.  Think we can get Kili married off in the same time?  It would make life easier for me.”

Fili laughed.  “Probably not yet, Uncle, but I think you’ll have a bit of time in between weddings to build up your food supplies for another feast.”

Chapter Text

Beryl was standing on some scaffolding about three feet off the ground in front of a stone wall.  She was carefully carving in the stone, her hammer hit her chisel with just the right amount of force.  Her hands were covered in dust, as was the front of her skirts.  She was two years into the massive project Thorin had commissioned her to do and now close to finishing.  She estimated another four months before she would be finished.  It was really a masterpiece and she was very proud of it.

The royal genealogy was carved in the stone from ceiling to near the floor.  Thorin had added in all the females in the line that he knew, which weren’t many.  There were just no records containing the lists of the names of the dams who had married the kings of old.  Her own name would be alongside Fili’s, when she got to them.  It would be soon that she would be carving the name of her dear husband.

There was a noise at the end of the hallway.  Beryl looked to see who was walking down the hall and was happy to see it was Kili.

“Hi, Kili,” she signed.

He stopped and looked up.  “Every time I see this wall, I’m more impressed.  You’re good.”

“Thank you, flatterer.  What is it you’re up to?” Beryl asked.

Kili laughed.  “Nothing.  Well nothing this time.  But, I did want to ask, what have you done to my brother?”

“I don’t understand what you mean,” she said.

“He’s so happy all of the time.”

“Marriage is great,” Beryl grinned.

“Yeah, but he’s been more happy than his silly love-sick normal self.  Something’s up.  What is it?” Kili eyed her.

“I’m not sure.  You’ll have to ask him yourself.”

“I’ve tried,” Kili said, “but every time I do, he just says he’s very happy and changes the subject.  That means something’s up.”

Beryl sat down on her board and held her hands out to Kili.  He reached up to her hands and held them while she jumped down to the floor.  She signed her thanks and started to dust herself off.

“I’m in need of a bath.  Stone dust everywhere,” she said.

“See?  See?  You’re doing it too!  You’re changing the subject on me,” Kili pointed at her.  “What is going on?”

“I’m not changing the subject.  I’m truly covered in dust,” Beryl said.

“Fine!” Kili looked slightly hysterical.  “That’s fine.  You don’t want to tell me.  It’s not a big deal.  I’m only your brother, after all.”

Beryl kissed Kili’s cheek.  “And you’re a wonderful brother too.  I’ll see you later.”  She picked up her tools and went to her room.

She sighed when she got into the house.  She needed to have a little talk with her husband.  Kili knew Fili too well for Fili to keep secrets.  She made her way to the washroom and filled the tub with hot water.  The bath felt so good.  After spending most of the day standing on the scaffolding, carefully carving, her back muscles felt tight.  But she loved her work and she loved seeing the carving grow into something beautiful.  It was better work that what she would be required to do tomorrow. 

Tomorrow would see the arrival of a delegation from Rohan.  She would be playing hostess.  She probably should have spent the day doing her duties as a princess, but the stone had called to her and she had carved the day away instead.  She would just work extra hard tomorrow to make sure menus were ready, beds prepared and comforts made available.

She heard the opening and closing of the apartment’s door. 

“Beryl?” Fili called.  “Are you home?”

Beryl reach to her dress, laying on the floor and with wet hands, she dug through her pockets until she found her bell.  Ding, ding.

Moments later, the door opened and Fili was there.  “Hello, love.  How was your day?”

“Good.  Worked on the carving.”

“That would explain the smudge of black on your nose,” Fili smiled.  He took a rag and wiped her face. 

After Beryl was out of the bath and dressed once again, she found Fili sitting at his desk, looking over some papers. 

She went to him and laid a hand on his shoulder.  He looked up to her.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“Nothing interesting at all, I’m afraid.  Just some reports Thorin wanted me to look over.”  He turned to his wife.  “Were you up on the scaffolding again today?”

“How else am I supposed to complete the carving unless I can go where I need to go?”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be climbing that anymore,” Fili said.

Beryl sighed.  “I’ve never had an accident in these two years and I’m not about to have one now.  I’m so close to finishing.  You’ve got to let me complete this before,” she stopped.  “You need to talk to Kili,” Beryl said. 

“I know, but I’m so nervous something might still happen, I don’t want to share just yet,” Fili said.  His hand moved to the very small bump of his wife’s stomach. 

“Fili, if anything does happen, you’re going to want Kili to help you through it.  How can he if you don’t tell him?  You don’t have to tell anyone else, yet, but don’t keep this from Kili any longer.”

“He’s going to insist we name it after him,” Fili smiled.

“Go and find him,” Beryl said.  She kissed Fili’s forehead. 

Fili nodded.  He got up and went to the door that separated his home from Kili’s.  He knocked on it, but there was no answer.  Fili left and went to the dining hall.  Kili sat alone, twirling a fork in one hand and a knife in the other.

“Hey, Kee,” Fili walked in.

“Fili,” Kili said back.

“Can we talk?”

Kili twirled the knife once more before stabbing it into the table.  “Sure.”

Fili sighed.  “I’m sorry, brother.”

“We’ve always been close and I lost a lot of our time together when you married Beryl, but I didn’t mind that.  I saw how much you loved her and I was happy for you.  It’s the way life should be.  But this last month, you’ve nearly shut me out.  You’ve always got this weird look on your face, but you won’t talk to me.  Good or bad, don’t you think I should still be allowed to share some of your life still?”

“You’re right.  I’ve shut you out and I’m sorry.  Want to go to the arena and have a spar?” Fili asked.

Kili’s face brightened for a moment, excited to do something so familiar with his brother, but then the next moment it darkened again.  “No.  See?  You’re trying to change the subject again.”

Fili stood up and pulled on Kili’s shirt.  “I’ll tell you everything, but first, please, I want to work out some energy.”  Fili took off in a run.  Kili shouted and ran after him.

They ran like dwarflings to their favorite game.  The arena had all sorts of weapons there to use for training fights.  Fili grabbed a set of twin blades and Kili came right after, grabbing a long broadsword.  They faced each other with a wicked grin and the fight was on.  A lifetime of training together meant they could anticipate each other’s moves pretty well.  They laughed and shouted ridiculous insults at each other as they fought.  For a little while, they could forget they were in Erebor.  For a little while they could forget they were princes with responsibilities.  For a little while, there was nothing but the two of them and they both relished in that.

Finally, Fili yelled to Kili about his parasites, which had Kili roaring with laughter.  He managed to trip Kili, who, when he fell, grabbed his brother and brought him down on top of him.  They laid there on the ground, laughing and panting from their play.  Fili rolled over and sat up, still laughing.

“I needed that,” he said.  He stood up, and held out his hand to Kili and hauled him to his feet.  They picked up their weapons and replaced them on the rack.  “Bath time.”

Kili was still laughing, it had been great to be with his brother again, just like in the old days, but he wondered if Fili was trying to avoid talking to him again.  They went to the large semi-public bath in the royal wing.  It wasn’t often used by the royal family or the company, but it was accessible to the high council of dwarves and the captains of the guard.  It was mostly empty when they arrived.  A couple of older council members sat together in the steaming water, chatting.  The brothers acknowledged the others in the room and they went to the far side of the bath.  They stripped off their sweat soaked clothes and climbed in.

Fili let the hot water embrace him.  He sank down into the water with a deep sigh.

“Thanks, Kee, for being the best.”

“Are you still trying to avoid talking to me?” Kili asked.

Fili sadly smiled at him.  “No.  I’m not.  I guess I’m just preparing myself.”

Kili’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he sat quietly and waited for Fili to speak.

Fili sighed.  “Beryl’s with child.”

“What?” Kili exclaimed.  “But that’s great!  Why do you act like it is otherwise?  I always thought you wanted children,” Kili whispered loudly, aware there were still others in the room.

“I do.  It’s just, well,” Fili thought for a moment, “it’s just been hard to believe it.  Hard to come to terms with becoming a father.  I’m excited, but scared.  I’m afraid I’ll be a terrible adad.  I’m afraid that something will happen to Beryl.  I’m afraid something will happen to the child.  I’m afraid of others who would want to do my child harm.  I’m afraid Amad will be terribly overbearing.  I was afraid to tell you, in case something happened and I didn’t want to have anyone else be burdened with my worry or grief.”

“Fili, you’re ridiculous.  You know that?” Kili turned to face his brother.  “I’ll admit, most of your fears are well founded.  Childbirth is hard on our dams and although most babies are quite hardy, there is always fear of something going wrong.  You’re probably right about Amad being over bearing, but I can help you with that.  And in case something bad does happen, I would want to share your grief.  I am your brother.  Forever yours to fight with, laugh with, and cry with.”

“Thanks, Kili.”

“And, as for you being nervous about your abilities as a father, that’s just preposterous.  You are going to be the best father, ever! And besides, your dwarflings will have me as their uncle, so whatever you mess up, I’ll fix.”

“Funny, I think it’s going to be the other way around,” Fili grinned, “Whatever good I’m trying to teach them, you’re going to corrupt them and get them into all sorts of trouble.”

“But I’ll also help get them out of all sorts of trouble.  It’s what uncles are for,” Kili said.

“We would know.  We have the greatest uncle,” Fili nodded.  He thought about everything Kili had said.  Kili was right.  He should never have been afraid to talk to him, about anything.  He was suddenly hit in the face with a great splash of hot water.  He sputtered and ran his hands over his face.  “Hey!  What was that for?”

“What?  You mean this?” Kili splashed him again.

They splashed each other, laughing and near wrestling each other in the large bath.

“One would think the two princes of Erebor were five year olds,” a deep voice grumbled.

Fili and Kili immediately stopped what they were doing and looked slightly ashamed of their behavior.  With their uncle gazing at them that way, they felt like five year olds who had gotten caught with their hands in the cookie jar.  But the next thing they knew, Thorin let out a growl and jumped in, near landing on his nephews.  With a great laugh, he grabbed Kili by the head while trying to grab Fili, but Fili slipped out of his grip and tackled Thorin, sending all three of them into the waters.  When they were standing, the water was waist high and now they all stood, in a circle, in the water, hands out, ready to attack the next one who moves.  They all moved at the same time and great amounts of water sloshed up along the floors while the three dwarves wrestled, laughed, and spluttered.

They finally came to a mutual stop and each sat back against the wall of the bath, panting and chuckling.  Fili noticed the other dwarves had left and he wondered if they had left before the wrestling match began or during.

“So, what brings you boys here tonight?” Thorin finally asked.

“We had a good spar in the arena,” Fili said.  “Just needed to use some pent up energy.”

Kili nodded.  He then looked to Fili and quietly asked, “Can I tell him?”

Fili took a deep breath and nodded.  Kili grinned.

“What are you two up too?” Thorin asked.

“Guess, what!  I’m going to be an uncle!” Kili nearly shouted.

Thorin’s eye brows went up and he let out a great, joyous laugh.  “Really?  Fili!  That’s great.”

The next thing Fili knew, he was being pulled into a great bear hug by his uncle.  Thorin was laughing.  Kili could never be left out for long, so he ruffled Fili’s wet hair and slapped Fili on the back.

“Thanks,” Fili managed to squeeze out of his lungs with the tight grip of Thorin still on him.

They sat back against the wall again.  “So, when’s the baby due to arrive?”  Thorin asked.

“Eight or nine months, I guess,” Fili said.  “She’s in her third month.”

“You’ve kept this from me for three months?” Kili asked.

“No, not entirely.  We didn’t realize it until about a month ago.  Beryl had been feeling a little dizzy and she went to a healer for some herbs, thinking it was just an illness, but no, it’s a baby,” Fili was grinning now.  It felt good to share the news and have someone else to share the excitement with.

“Still?  You didn’t tell me for a whole month?” Kili said.

“I told you, I was scared.  I still am.”  Fili looked to Thorin.  “I’m nervous about this, Thorin.”

“He thinks he’s going to be a terrible father,” Kili said.  “Tell him he’s wrong.  He’s going to be the best father.”

“You would do well to listen to your brother,” Thorin said.  “He is wiser than we tend to give him credit for.  You will be a great father and Beryl will be such a wonderful mother.”

“It’s such a big responsibility,” Fili said.                          

Thorin nodded.  “Yes it is, and even more so for you.  You’re eldest son will be the next in line for the throne.  Being a parent is hard enough, but to raise princes and princesses, even more so.  But, you are a great dwarrow.  A true son of Durin.”  Thorin scooted closer to Fili and put his hand on his shoulder.  “And you are not alone.  You have Kili.  And me.  And your mother, and the entire company.  This child will have so many who love it and will do anything to help you.”

Kili nodded. 

“Thanks, Uncle Thorin and thank you, Kili,” Fili said, whole heartedly.  “The only things this child will be lacking are cousins.  You’ve got to get married Kee, and have dwarflings of your own so mine can have cousins to play with and I can be the awesome uncle.”

Kili laughed.  In the past, when Fili had teased Kili about finding a dam and getting married, Kili would laugh and say maybe in another decade, but this time, he just laughed.  Fili wondered if he wasn’t the only one with a secret.

Fili didn’t realize how long he had been away until he started back home.  The nighttime torches had been lit in the halls.  He hoped Beryl wouldn’t be too angry.

Their home was dark, except for the dying fire in the hearth.  He removed his boots and tiptoed into the bedroom.  Beryl had fallen asleep with a book in her lap and the lamp still glowing.  He picked up the book and placed it on the table next to the bed.  The movement woke Beryl.  She took him by the hand and then signed to him.

“That must have been some conversation with Kili,” she smiled.  “Did you tell him?”

Fili nodded.  He climbed into bed and sat next to his wife.  “I did after we had a spar in the arena and after a long soak in the bath.”

Beryl touched Fili’s arm.  “That would explain why your skin is so wrinkled.”

“Yeah, well, Thorin joined us and we had a bit of a wrestling match,” Fili grinned.

“In the bath?”

He nodded.  “But they both know, now.  I guess we should probably do a formal announcement to the company at some point and then let Thorin decide when the best time would be for a general announcement to the kingdom.”

Beryl nodded.  “Life as a royal.  That’s something I never expected.  For others, having a dwarfling is a joyous family occasion.  For us, it’s a kingdom occasion.”

Fili chuckled.  “There are days I miss my simple life in the Blue Mountains.  But I would never go back, nor would I wish this time away.  Because I came here, I met you.  And you are the greatest thing that has happened to me.”

Beryl scooted closer and ran her hands along Fili’s bare arms.  “Do you know what I love about you when you go to the baths for a good, long, soak?”  She didn’t let him answer as she leaned closer to him.  “I love how hot your skin is.”  She ran her hands over his arms, his shoulders, his neck and right up into his wet hair.  She grabbed his hair lightly and pulled him down to kiss her.  He let out a little growl and pressed his lips harder to hers, his arms snaking around her waist.

With passionate kisses and roaming hands, they pulled their bodies closer until they were one.  They worshiped each other and eventually fell asleep, happy and utterly relaxed.

Chapter Text

With the help from two guards, Beryl hung up the last of the large pieces of cloth over her massive carving that she had spent the last two years working on.  With the project now completed, they would be having the official revealing in two days’ time.  Beryl was giddy with excitement.  She had never done anything so large or anything that had taken her so very long.  There was only one thing left to do on the carving, but it would have to wait until her baby was born.  Then she would be able to carve in the name of her son or daughter into the space beneath Fili’s name.  There was plenty of room beneath their names for many children and she made sure to leave room under Kili’s name as well.  The dam he was seeing might not be his future wife, but whenever he was ready to marry and have children, their space was prepared in the great genealogies of the descendants of Durin.

Her own little one gave her a good kick and she rubbed at her swollen stomach.  Only two months to go until she would hold her babe in her arms.  She was so excited for that day, and so nervous.  But one thing made her very, very sad.  She would never be able to sing a lullaby to her child or sooth it with soft words when it cried.  Her children would never hear their mother say their names or her tell them she loved them, and this thought alone could make her cry uncontrollably at a moment’s notice. 

She had lived now equally long without her voice as she had with a voice.  The attack that had left her parentless and voiceless had been forty five years ago, when she had been forty five years old.  It had been a lifetime ago and yet, sometimes it seemed like yesterday.  She had been left without the ability to express anything vocally.  Not even a cry.

Two tears fell from her eyes and landed on her belly.  She quickly wiped at her face and pushed those thoughts back.  She looked up to see the progress of the covering of the carving.  They were nearly done.

“Ah, Princess Beryl!” Bofur walked up to her.  “It’s finished is it?”

She signed a yes.

“When’s the big reveal?” he asked.

“In two days, just before dinner.  You’ll be there, won’t you?” she asked him.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, lass,” he put a gentle hand on her shoulder.  “You alright?”

She inwardly cursed at herself for letting her emotions get worked up like that a few moments ago.  “I’m fine.  Pregnancy.  Makes me emotional.”  She tried to joke off at her tears.

“I’ll take your word for it.  Seen it enough with Bombur’s wife to know that it’s true.  She can be laughing one moment and crying the next.”

Beryl smiled and nodded.  “Yes, that’s me, now.”

“It’s alright.  Is there anything I can be doing for you?” Bofur asked.

“No.  I’m almost done here and then I might go relax a bit.”

Bofur nodded.  “Good, good.  Well, I’ll see you at dinner.”

Beryl thanked the guards who finished hanging the cloth, then they removed the last of the scaffolding.  It would be odd to walk down this hall without her scaffolding blocking part of the way.  She suddenly felt bad.  For two years, the family who live and use this hall had had to put up with her project blocking half the hall.  Tears sprung up again.

She wiped at her face and pushed her hair back.  No.  She had to stop crying. 

She walked to the market, in need of a friend to talk to.  Bifur’s stall was empty of customers for the moment.  He smiled when he saw her approach and signed his greetings.

“Come and sit down,” he said to her, pointing to a stool next to his. 

Beryl sat down.  “Bifur, can we talk?”

“A funny thing to say about us,” Bifur smiled.

“I guess,” Beryl’s smile was small and she didn’t feel any happiness from it.  “It’s that very thing I wanted to talk about.  The baby,” her hands rubbed her stomach, “will never hear my voice.  I’ll never be able to speak to it.  Fili says that of course I’ll be able to talk to the baby, just as I talk to him, but it’s not the same.  Is it?”

Bifur patted her knee.  “No.  It’s not the same.  Fili comprehends your problem, but he can’t really understand it, can he?  You and I both had a normal life once.  You had a voice and I had my full working mind.  Now, you can’t speak and I can’t always think clearly.  Some days, like today, my mind is working and I can get my thoughts out in Khuzdul or Iglishmêk, but most of the time, I can’t think clearly enough to complete thoughts in my head or express them outwardly in a proper way.”

Beryl could see that Bifur was having one of his better days.  Some days, he was near impossible to speak with.  Tomorrow could be one of those days.  With Bifur, you never knew.  She was thankful today was a good one.  He was the only one who could truly understand her.

Bifur continued on, “You’re right, though, the baby will never hear your voice or be comforted by it.  But, it will know you and love you no matter what.  You are his mother,” he pointed at her stomach, “and he’s not going to care if you can talk or not.  You will hold him, kiss him, love him and he will understand you and love you back.”

Beryl leaned forward and pulled Bifur into a hug.  When she pulled back, she left two more tear drops on his shoulder.  She signed a thank you and he nodded.

The guard assigned to walk with Beryl and keep an eye on her had stayed back a respectable distance while she had visited Bifur, but still close enough to come to her aid if it was needed.  Now, he escorted her home.   He was fond of the princess whom he had been assigned to guard during the day hours.  He found her to be kind and thoughtful. 

“Princess, is there anything you need?” he asked.

She shook her head.  “No.  I’m well, but thank you.”  They walked on a ways more.  “How is your family?” she asked.

“Good.  They’re all good.  My eldest has entered in guard training.  I’m very happy for him,” the guard said.

“I’m glad to hear it,” she signed.  “And your younger child?”

He laughed.  “As busy as ever and running his mother ragged.”  His children were twenty years old and three years old.  Beryl had met his family and found them to be very nice.  One of those good, hardworking, core families that Erebor was made of.   “If there’s anything you need, I’m here for you,” the guard said as they reach the door to her home.  She thanked him.  He took his post just outside the door and Beryl went into her sitting room, shutting the door behind her.

She put her hands on her back and stretched a bit.  The weight of the baby was pulling at her back muscles.  The baby seemed to have gone through a growth spurt.  He had been a nice, little, round bump and then, in a matter of weeks, he had grown big and heavy.  Fili loved her stomach.  He would talk to it and loved to feel it move and kick.  He was happy to spend hours sitting by her, his hands on her stomach, and feel the movement of the child.  He also said he loved the way her body looked, swelled with their child, and while she didn’t believe she looked good, she appreciated his compliments all the same.

She went to the room they had picked out to be the nursery.  A crib sat ready and waiting.  A large trunk already held blankets and clothes of various sizes.  Another trunk held the baby’s cloth changing rags.

There were several wooden toys that lined a shelf, courtesy of Bifur.  There were also several stuffed animals that Gloin’s wife had sewn.  Everything was ready for the baby.  Two more months.  Beryl walked around the house several times, trying to figure out what was bothering her.  She felt restless, but she could think of nothing that was wrong.

She walked back out her door.  The guard was there. 

“I feel lost,” she signed.

“Lost?  In your own home?”

“I know, it’s ridiculous.  Do you happen to know where Lady Dis is today?” she asked.

“No, but the best thing to do is either check her chambers or go to her study.”

Beryl nodded.  “Let’s go, then.”

When she had first been assigned a guard, after she and Fili had married, it had bothered her a great deal.  She didn’t like the constant companion, but two and a half years later, she was comfortable with it.  She still didn’t like it, but she was comfortable with it.  After becoming pregnant, Fili wondered if she needed two guards now, but she assured him the one guard was fine.

They walked down the halls to where Dis lived.  Beryl knocked on the door, but no one answered, so they headed for Dis’s study.  Dis welcomed Beryl in and the guard waited outside with Dis’s guard.

“Beryl, it’s lovely to see you,” Dis said.  She pointed to a chair and Beryl sat down. 

“Thank you.  How are you today?” Beryl asked.

“I’m actually having a very good day.  It’s been productive.  How are you?  Are you well?” Dis asked.

Beryl sighed.  “Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.  The last few days, I’ve felt, well, I don’t know.  Something’s not sitting right with me. Do you think something might be wrong with the baby?”

Dis looked at her with a concerned gaze.  “Tell me about this.”

“Well, for the last couple of days, I’ve just felt out of sorts.  And just now, we finished getting the cloth hung over the carving and I went home and just felt lost.  I wandered the house three times before deciding I wanted to come talk to you.  I’m worried something’s wrong.”

Dis smiled.  “There is nothing wrong with you or the baby.”

“Then why am I feeling like this?” Beryl signed, then slumped back in her chair with a huff.  She rested one hand on her stomach.

Dis chuckled.  “The last month is always the hardest.”

“Yes, and I’ve still got two too go,” Beryl frowned.

“How long ago did you finish your carving?”

“Four days ago.  Yesterday and today we’ve been hanging the cloth over it to keep it covered until the revealing in two days.  The scaffolding was taken down and the hall is empty.”

Dis gave her a kind smile.  “For the last two years, you have devoted your time to that carving.  It’s been a huge project that only you have touched.  Now, it’s over.  You’re restless because you don’t have that carving to fill your time anymore,” Dis explained.

“I guess that makes sense,” Beryl said.  She thought about it.  Perhaps Dis was right.  She didn’t have anything to occupy her time with anymore.

“You need a project.  Something useful to do that won’t be too strenuous,” Dis smiled.

“There’s not time for me to start anything new,” Beryl signed.

“What about getting things ready for the baby?” Dis asked.

“It’s already done.  We’ve got the cot, the clothes, the blankets, the changing rags, toys, everything I can think of,” Beryl answered.

Dis stood up and turned around to look at a shelf of books that sat near her desk.  “I have the very thing,” Dis said, turning back to Beryl.  “How’s your handwriting?”

“Not as good as my stone writing,” Beryl grinned, “but it’s not bad.”

“Do you see these tomes behind me?  They hide something very special.”  Dis removed several large books and set them on her desk.  Then, she reached back and pulled out a very large tome.  “This is one of a very special pair of books.  They are called the Books of the Queen.”  She set it down with great reverence.  “Beryl, very few know of the existence of these books.  Those who do know are female.  The dwarrows of our kind have never known of these books.  Not even Thorin.  Usually, it is only two or three dams who know of this secret at any one time.  In our case, besides me and now you, the only other one who knows of these books is the eldest of our female healers.”

“What are these books?” Beryl asked.

“As you know very well, since you just spent the best of the last two years carving it, our official genealogies include only the names of our males.  Fathers, sons, brothers.  There are no females on the list.  Thorin had you carve into the stone the females that he knew of, but beyond our grandmother, he doesn’t know who our mothers were.  I do.  The Books of the Queens is, among other things, a record of the females of our race.  Every birth and every death of a dam is recorded in these books.  That is why the eldest female healer is one who knows of this.  She can report all births and deaths to me, and I record them.  If you bear a daughter, she will not be listed in the official genealogies kept by the king, but she will be recorded in this book.”

“Why do we keep this a secret?”

“Because our fathers believe that only the male line is important.  Durin, our first father was male, so only males are important.  But, a queen, long ago, Queen Belra, wife of Nain I, recognized that all life comes through the females.  All kings are born to women.  She felt that our significance in giving birth to the kings was worth recording, but Nain would not have it, so she recorded everything in secret.”

“That’s incredible,” Beryl sat straight and looked at the book resting on Dis’s desk.  “So every female born since the time of King Nain has been recorded?”

“Sadly, no,” Dis said.  “For many generations, only the mothers and sisters to kings were recorded.  Then, during the time of King Dain I, did they start recording all female births.  But, the knowledge of this book passed away with either my mother or grandmother.   They were both killed when Smaug attacked.”

“So how did you know of the books?”

“I found them, while cleaning up this study after I came here to take my place as Princess.  Our mothers were wise enough to write about the purpose of these books in the front page.  I have read them and cherish them.  My name is one of the last recorded in the book.  There were only two more dams born after I was and before Smaug came.”

“Is my mother in there?” Beryl asked.

“Yes, she is,” Dis opened the book and flipped to the back.  Ten names from the bottom was her mother’s name Eise, daughter of Nabi and Ese.

“My grandmother?” Beryl pointed at the female name listed with her mother.

Dis nodded.  “Now, the genealogies make up only part of these books.  The other book is filled with information on female health, laws pertaining to dams, and etiquette.  It’s quite fascinating.  The healer read all the health information as soon as I showed her the book.  There are good tips on pregnancy and birthing.  You might enjoy reading it.”

“Yes, I would.  But, why show me this?”

“Well, for one thing, you are the next queen, Beryl.  One day, this study will be yours and you will be responsible for the upkeep of these books.”  Dis picked up the book and ran her hand along the spine of the book.  “This is the project I have in mind for you.  These books are old; their pages are starting to deteriorate.  I do not want a single word of these pages lost.  I had commissioned new books with blank pages be made for me by the best bookbinder I could hire in Middle Earth.  They arrived last month.  I would like you to start the copy of these pages to the new books.”

“Really?”  Beryl hopped up and put her hand reverently on the book.  “You want me to copy them?”

“Yes.  It will be a good project for you and I know that you would do a fine job,” Dis smiled.  “You do not need to come to me every day, but whenever you wish, I will let you work on it.  I’ve got a small table and desk set up in a small room, just off my study.  You would work in there.  That way, if anyone comes to visit me, we will not have to disturb your work.”

“I would be very happy to do this,” Beryl said.

“Excellent.  I’ll have the room set up with good lamps, quills and ink.  Whenever you are ready, you may come to me.  I’ll have the books ready for you.  Now, you must remember, above all else, the knowledge of these books does not leave this room.  Do you understand?”

“I understand Dis.  I won’t tell a soul, I promise.”

“Good girl.  Now, I know that Fili will be coming home soon, why don’t you go to him, now?” 

“Thank you,” Beryl said, giving her husband’s mother a hug.  “See you tomorrow.”

Beryl returned the following morning, after sending Fili off for his day of work.  Dis was ready for her and led her to the side room, where, just as Dis said she would have, everything was ready.  Dis brought her one of the large tomes she was to copy. 

“I’ll give you no instructions.  You know the importance of this work.  If there is anything you need, ask,” Dis left, closing the door behind her.

Beryl opened up the book to the first page.  It was an introduction of the book and what Queen Belra hoped to achieve with the records she would keep.  Beryl looked over the page to be copied.  It was simple enough and in beautifully scripted Khuzdul.  The script was very different from the straight lines of the script used for carving stone, but she knew how to write in script and so she began.

Beryl realized very quickly this wasn’t going to be an easy task.  The blank pages had no lines and Beryl found it difficult to keep the words at the same level and size as each other.  When she carved stone, she had a guide that helped her keep consistency in letter sizes.  She needed that now. She asked Dis for a straight stick, and Dis sent her guard to find one.  He returned shortly later with the stick.  Using a light chalk, she drew in her guide lines.  After she would finish the text and the ink was completely dry, Beryl would be able to wipe away the chalk lines and no one would be able to see them.

It was mid-day by the time she finished with the guide lines.  Dis came in to see her progress.

“There’s not much yet,” Beryl shyly admitted.  “But this afternoon, I’ll be able to start the text.”

“This is nothing to rush,” Dis said.  “Take all the time that is needed to make each page neat and as close to the original as possible.  But that’s enough for right now.  You need to get up and stretch your legs.  It’s not good for you to be sitting all day without some exercise.”

Beryl got up and walked with Dis to the dining hall.   Fili was there and came over to greet his wife. 

“What have you been up to today?” he asked.

Beryl wasn’t sure what to say.  “I’ve been working with your mother.”

“Yes, Beryl’s helping me catalog my mother’s possessions in her old study.  She left some very interesting things,” Dis said, casually.

Fili accepted the answer and Beryl joined him for lunch.  After lunch, Fili had a little while before he needed to be back to his duties, so he and Beryl went home for a bit.  When Fili left to go back to his next appointment, Beryl went back to Dis’s study and started the first line of text.  She was careful and exact in her motions with the quill and ink.  It took a lot of concentration and a steady hand.  She had finished a third of the first page when it was time for her to leave for the night.  Fili would be home soon and she wanted to be there when he arrived.

Every day that Fili worked for the next several weeks, Beryl would go to her little room in Dis’s study and work on copying the text.  She completed several genealogies as well as several stories written by Queen Belra about some of the goings on in Erebor.  Beryl found it fascinating and enjoyed the humor that the old queen had had as it shown through in her writings.

Dis was very pleased with the progress, but encouraged Beryl to work less and relax more as she got closer to the delivery of her baby.  Dis remembered well how tiring those last few weeks could be.

Chapter Text

Dis was an early riser.  Her life in the Blue Mountain had required her days begin early and now, she was so use to it, she always got up early.  It was her quiet time before her day began and she enjoyed the peace, so today, she was surprised by the knock on her door quite early in the morning.

It was Fili and he was looking quite worn out and disheveled.

“Fili, dear.  What’s wrong? Is Beryl having birthing pains?” Dis asked.

“No,” Fili shook his head, “but it is Beryl.  She’s hysterical and I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, what’s wrong?” Dis asked, leaving her home and almost running to Fili’s home.  Fili ran behind her.

“She’s tired, I think.  She won’t talk to me.  Just cries,” Fili said as they reached his home.  He opened the door and let his mother in.

Beryl was sitting on the bed, in tears.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Dis went to her and placed a hand on her shoulders.  “What’s wrong?”

Beryl’s silent cries didn’t stop, but she signed, “I’m as big as a warg and as clumsy as a mule.  My back hurts, my hips hurt and my feet are so swollen I can’t get my shoes on.”

Dis gave a kindly chuckle.   “Take heart, dear one, you are so close to the end.”  She placed a gentle hand on Beryl’s swollen stomach and felt the hard muscle that housed the baby.  “I wouldn’t be surprised if in three days’ time, you are holding your babe in your arms.”

“Really?” Beryl looked up at Dis.

“Yes dear.  So, for now, we’ll take good care of you,” Dis said.

Beryl shook her head.  “It’s alright.  You don’t need to do anything for me.  I’m sorry I was so hysterical, It’s just it’s been so hard and I hurt so much, but knowing the end is near helps.”

“Let Fili and I take care of you today,” Dis wiped at the tears that sat on Beryl’s cheeks.  “First, we’ll deal with your back ache.  Get onto your hands and knees.”

“What?”

“Fili help her.  Get on your hands and knees, just here on the bed.  Good,” Dis said and she helped Fili get Beryl positioned right.  “Now, arch your back up.  That’s right.”

Beryl arched up and nearly sobbed from the pain, but the stretch felt good, despite being painful. 

“Now relax,” Dis instructed and Beryl did as she was told.  “Good.  When you’re ready, stretch again and this time, Fili, get ready to massage at her back.  Work at the muscles in her lower back.  That’s where the most pressure is from the baby.”

Beryl arched her back again and Fili rubbed at her muscles.   While they did this, Dis ran back to her home and gathered a few things, which included a heavy bag of smooth black rocks.  Back at Fili’s home, Dis put the rocks into a pot of water and placed it in the fire to heat up.

Fili and Beryl were sitting on the bed together and Fili was working at her shoulders.  Beryl’s eyes were closed and a little smile graced her lips.

“Feeling a little better?” Dis asked.  Beryl nodded her head.  “Good.”  She reached to the bedside table and took the brush and comb that belonged to Beryl.  She handed them to Fili and he started to brush out her long, dark red hair.  They sat in the semi-dark room, letting themselves be surrounded and comforted by the quiet.  Fili pulled the hair back into a single, simple plait and tied it off with a bit of string.  Then he rubbed her shoulders again.

Dis went to the hearth and carefully removed the stones from the hot water.  Fili watched with interest as Dis brought the rocks over and placed them in a line on his bed.  Together, they helped Beryl to lay back onto the hot stones so they followed the line of her spine.

“What’s that?” Beryl asked.

“They are heating stones.  I found them among my mother’s things along with instructions on how to use them.  They will help relax the muscles,” Dis explained.

“It’s a strange feeling, but nice,” Beryl said.

“Good.  Now, you just relax,” Dis said.

She took a blanket and rolled it up.  Fili lifted Beryl’s feet and Dis slid the blanket under them.  With a little oil she had brought, she and Fili rubbed and massaged at Beryl’s feel and lower legs.  They were swollen and Dis remembered how painful that had been.  She had it at the end of each of her pregnancies, but for whatever reason, it had been worse with Fili.  He was a bigger baby than Kili had been and Dis had always figured that was the reason he had been so much more difficult to carry.  Beryl closed her eyes and not long after, her breathing changed to that of deep sleep.  Something, Dis figured, Beryl was in desperate need of.

After a while, Dis looked to her son, who was very focused on his task of massaging his wife’s foot.   “I’m going to run to the kitchens and see if I can find Bombur.  He said his wife has a favorite soup that she loves to eat while pregnant.  Maybe he will make some for Beryl.  She’s needs to eat and keep up her strength.  She’s going to need it all very soon.”

“Do you really think she’ll have the baby in a few days?” Fili asked.

“I can tell just by looking at her that the baby has dropped.  That means it is almost ready to be born.  Yes, tomorrow or the next day would be my guess.”

Fili took a deep breath.  “Will everything be alright?  I mean, with the birth?”

“She’s strong and she will be well cared for.  Everything will be done for her that can be done to ensure she is as safe and comfortable as can be.” Dis kissed the top of Fili’s head.  How was it possible that her son was about to become a father.  Wasn’t he a tiny dwarfling himself just yesterday?  “If you’d like, I’ll also get word to Thorin that you might not be around for the next couple of days.  He’ll understand.”

“Thanks, Amad.  You’re the best,” Fili said.

Dis smiled.  “I’ll be back soon.”

She left and Fili continued to rub at Beryl’s feet.  He loved his wife so much.  He hated to see her in pain, but the sight of her, her stomach huge with their child, was beautiful.  He bent over and kissed her foot. 

Dis returned later with the soup and a message from Thorin and Kili.  They both wanted to visit this evening, if Fili and Beryl were up for visitors.  Fili agreed.  He didn’t know if Beryl would want to see his family, but he wanted to talk to Thorin, at least.

When Beryl woke, Fili helped her up and they moved to a small table to eat the soup Dis had brought.  They all enjoyed it and Beryl was especially happy to have something smooth, yet filling, in her stomach.  So many foods recently had made her throat and stomach burn with pain.

“Thank you so much,” Beryl said, after she had eaten.  “I feel so relaxed and there’s no pain in my back right now.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Dis smiled.  “Every mother needs a little love and care.  When you start feeling birthing pains, you send for me.  I’ll gather the dams and we’ll tend to you.”

Beryl smiled.  Dis promised to return that evening and she left Fili and Beryl to have the afternoon together.  Fili and Beryl moved back to the bedroom.  Fili removed the cool rocks from the bed and helped Beryl to sit down.  He grabbed a book off the bed stand and settled down next to her.  She leaned into his chest while he read out loud to her.  When they grew tired of the story, they lay together and talked for a long time.  It was a peaceful, relaxing afternoon and later would talk about how it was the best thing they could have done right before the baby was born and they had no more time to quietly sit together and talk.

Fili warned Beryl they might have visitors that evening, so she got up and slipped on a house robe.  They reheated the rest of the soup and Beryl happily ate.  It wasn’t long after that Thorin and Kili arrived to visit.

“How are you feeling?” Thorin pressed a kiss to Beryl’s head.

“Better.  It was a rough start to the day, but Dis and Fili helped me through it,” Beryl signed.

“Dis mentioned she expects the baby will be born soon,” Thorin sat down in a chair across from them.  Kili sat near his brother.

Beryl nodded.  “That’s what she told me.  I hope she’s right.  I can’t wait to meet this little one.”  Her hands went to her stomach and rubbed it.  She looked up at Thorin.  “He’s awake and moving.  Do you want to feel?”

Thorin looked nervous, a look Fili had rarely seen in his uncle in all his life.  He nodded and came to sit next to Beryl.  She took his hand and placed it on her stomach.  Moments later, the baby moved, pushing up against the pressure from the hand that was pushing on it.

Thorin smiled.  “Dis let me feel you boys a couple of times,” he said.  “Fili was like this.  He seemed to roll about.  But Kili, whenever I got to feel him, he was kicking.  He kicked Dis enough in one spot on her stomach that she actually had a bruise there.”

Kili blushed.  “May I feel?” he asked.

Thorin moved his hand and Kili’s replaced it.  “I don’t feel anything,” he said.

Beryl took his hand and moved it to a different spot on her stomach, where it seemed the baby had moved too.  Kili was grinning at the movement. 

“It’s so strange to watch your stomach move like that,” Kili watched as, what seemed to be a foot, moved along in the inside of its home.  He laughed.

Dis arrived soon after, bringing more food for the family, including a cake for them all to share.  They sat together and talked for a long time.  As they finally got up to leave, after a particularly big yawn from Beryl, Thorin spoke to Fili.

“Take as much time off as you need.  In fact, don’t return to me for assignments until that babe of yours is at least ten days old,” Thorin smiled.

“Thanks, Uncle,” Fili replied.  Beryl headed to bed, but Fili and Kili stayed up for a while longer.  Kili filled him in on the day and the things he had missed and Fili decided he had had a much better day at home with his wife, than Kili had had with some angry forge-foremen.

Chapter Text

Dis came to check on Beryl and Fili the next morning, but they were doing well and had plans to take a walk around the royal wing.  Beryl was feeling restless about staying in the house all day long and Dis thought that the exercise was a good idea.

Beryl linked her arm into the crook of Fili’s elbow as they walked.  They stopped to admire the huge genealogical carving Beryl had made and Fili touched the spot that would soon be filled with the name of their child.  When they made it back to their home, they relaxed together on the bed, made gentle love and then fell asleep for a nap.

Fili was woken by the sound of Beryl’s bell that she used to call him or get his attention.  As soon as his eyes opened, he knew the reason for her using the bell.  He could sense the change in the atmosphere of their room.  It wasn’t the place of peace and relaxation it had been when they fell asleep.  Now he could feel the change and hear Beryl’s heavier breathing.

She was smiling at him, her hand on her stomach.

“It’s time?” Fili asked.

Beryl nodded.  “It’s time.”

“Are you in terrible pain?” he asked.

She shook her head.  “No.  Not yet.  The pains have really only just started.  They woke me from my nap a little while ago.  I laid here, trying to decide if they were real pains or not, but after a couple, I’m pretty sure they are.”

“I’ll go get Amad,” Fili jumped up.  “What do you need before I go?”

“Nothing right now.  I’m good here.  Tell her there’s no rush, but the pains have started,” Beryl signed.

She was still smiling and for that, Fili was grateful.

“Just relax, and I’ll be back very soon,” Fili kissed her and put his boots on, then ran from the room.  Beryl heard the door slam shut and she winced at the sound.  She got up to use the toilet and had to stop along the way to wait out a pain.  She was just getting back into bed when Fili returned.

“Are you alright?  Let me help.”  He helped her get back into bed and then he arranged the pillows behind her, so she could sit up against the headboard of the bed.  “I told Amad.  She’s gone to get the midwife.”

Another pain hit and Beryl patiently breathed through it.  They weren’t too painful.  Not yet, anyway.  Just slightly painful and uncomfortable.   Fili held her hands, not sure what else he was supposed to be doing.

Dis arrived soon after with the midwife and four other dams, including Bofur’s, Gloin’s and Bombur’s wives.  Fili was pushed out into the sitting room while the midwife did her checkup.    Dis stayed with Fili in the sitting room and threw extra logs onto the fire.  A large kettle of water was filled and put on the hearth.  Fili paced the room.

“Dearest, there’s a long ways to go.  You shouldn’t be pacing yet,” Dis chuckled.

Fili sat down and waited with clenched hands in his lap.  The midwife came out soon after.

“She’s certainly on her way,” she smiled.  “But it’s going to be a while.  She’s not very far along yet.  My suggestion, Prince Fili, is that you go have dinner, find your brother, take a long walk and come back later.

“I can’t leave her,” Fili said.

“You’ll only drive yourself mad with worry if you stay.  Like I said, she’s got a long way to go before she’s ready to give birth.  Go out and try and distract yourself.  Make the time go faster.”

Fili nodded.  “May I see her?”

“For a moment, but then you need to leave her be.”

Fili pushed past the midwife and went into his room.  Beryl was breathing her way through a pain.

“They’re starting to hurt more,” Beryl signed as soon as it was over.

“Good, good,” the midwife came in.  “Pain is good.  It means you’re making progress.”

Fili went to Beryl’s side.  “They won’t allow me to stay with you.  I’m going to go to find Kili and I’ll be back, waiting in the other room, if you need me.”

“Thank you, Fili.  And try not to worry too much.  I’ll be alright,” Beryl said.

Fili kissed her once and left, glancing back at her before he left the room.  Another pain had come and her eyes were closed.  Dis followed him out.

“Don’t worry.  She’s in the best of hands,” Dis said.

Fili sighed.  “I know, but what kind of a husband would I be if I didn’t worry?”

Dis smiled and closed the door behind Fili.  She turned and went back to Beryl.  For the first little while, the six women sat around the bed and talked with Beryl while her pains slowly and steadily got harder.  Childbirth, for the females of the dwarven kind, was long and hard.  Over the generations, it became tradition that during every birth, other dams would gather together and help.  They kept each other strong, understood what the others needed and provided a support that the dwarrows could never give.

As her pains became worse, Dis encouraged Beryl to get up and walk around the room.  It was an unusual practice, but Dis and the midwife had read about it being very helpful to speed along labors from the Books of the Queens.  So with Gloin’s wife, Belza on one side of Beryl and Dis on the other, they helped Beryl to walk around.  It was so odd for the women, to be with a laboring mother who could not groan or cry out in pain.  They could see it in Beryl’s face and hear it in her breathing, but she could not vocalize her pain and it was eerie to them.

After many hours, Beryl was in hard labor and the pains were longer and closer together.  The midwife had one of the women draw a hot bath in the washroom.  While the tub was filling, Dis went out to the sitting room to check on the men she knew would be waiting for them.

Fili was on his feet in a moment as soon as Dis walked in.  She shook her head.  “Still waiting,” she said.  Fili slumped back into his chair next to Kili.  She went to Thorin and took his hand in hers.  “Beryl’s doing very well and I think we are getting quite close.”

“Thanks, Amad,” Kili said.  Fili could only nod.  He looked to be a nervous wreck.  Dis gave a kiss on the cheek to her two sons and her brother and she went back into to join Beryl.  The tub was full and the midwife was helping Beryl to undress.  Beryl gasped in pain, grabbed her stomach and looked like she was trying to yell.  When the pain ended, they helped her into the tub.  For a moment, she smiled as she sank into the hot water, but that bliss ended quickly when the next pain hit. 

“Breath, breath,” the midwife chanted.  Beryl gave the midwife a nasty gaze before settling back into the water.  “I know it’s hard, but you have to try and breath normally, otherwise you’ll hyperventilate and pass out.”

“Bell,” Beryl signed.  “Where’s my bell?”

One of the dams found Beryl’s little crystal bell by her bed and handed it to her, not quite understanding why she had done so.  Beryl rang the bell twice, ‘ding, ding.’  Moments later, Fili burst into the washroom.  He was by her side in two steps and held her hands tightly through the next pain.

“Prince Fili, really,” the midwife said, “I must insist that you leave.”

Beryl slammed her hands together in the ‘no’ sign.  “He stays!”

Dis looked at the midwife and nodded.

As soon as his mother arrived with the midwife and the other dams, Fili was unceremoniously shooed out of his own bedroom and forced to wait.  The midwife had come out, told him it would still be a long while and that he should go get dinner.

Fili did not want to leave incase Beryl needed him, but his mother had promised that nothing would happen in the time it would take him to eat dinner, so Fili finally left and made his way to the dining room.  Thorin, Balin, Bofur and Dori were there, talking quietly.  They nodded their heads in acknowledgement when Fili entered.

“Where’s Kili?” Fili asked.

Thorin noticed a strange look in Fili’s eye and the strained tone in his voice.  “He’s already eaten and gone to his room, I believe,” Thorin said.  “Are you alright, Fili?”

“Yeah.  Just want to talk to Kili.”  Fili grabbed a plate and piled some food on it, then he went back towards his home, skipping his own door and knocking on Kili’s.  Kili answered it, at first, smiling to see his brother, then his look change to that of concern.

“What’s wrong?” Kili asked.  “Why do you have food?”

“I want to eat, but not alone.”

Kili invited him in.

Fili stood in Kili’s sitting room, not moving, still holding his plate of food.

“Um, brother?” Kili came up to him.  “What’s the matter?”

“Beryl’s having her baby.”

“What?  Then why are we here?  Come on,” Kili opened the door that connected their two homes.  Fili followed and put his food on the table.

“Amad said it will probably be a long while still,” Fili said, sitting back and holding a bread roll in his hand.

They sat in silence for a while.  Fili slowly ate his dinner, glancing over to the door to his bedroom every few moments.

“Fili? Can I talk to you?” Kili quietly asked.

Fili nodded.  “Course.”

“How did you start getting Beryl to spend time with you?”

Fili’s eyebrows went up.  Several months back, a group of Iron Hill dwarves came to see Erebor.  They were mostly an embassy to visit and talk to Thorin about some financial help for those who had lost family during the battle for Erebor.  Thorin had been generous and Kili had met a young dwarrowdam he fancied.  They had spent some time together during their stay and they had been writing letters ever since, but that was a hard way to get to know each other.

“Well,” Fili thought back, “I asked her to spend time with me.  When I saw her for the first time, I thought she was pretty.  Then, we met, quite accidentally, twice in the days and weeks that followed.  Each time I met her, I liked her more and more.  She was sparky as well as pretty.  I simply asked her to have dinner with me in the dining hall.  You were there, if I remember correctly, the second time I asked her to dine with me.”

“I remember,” Kili said.  “So, how do I go about asking Amli to have dinner with me?”

“This is the dam from the Iron Hills, right?” Fili asked. Kili nodded.  “Getting together for dinner isn’t going to be easy for you.”

“But she’s coming back here in a few weeks,” Kili said.  “I’m going to get to see her again.  She wrote me and told me she’s coming.  I’m going to write her back, but do you think it’s alright to ask her to dinner?”

“It’s more than alright, Kee.  If you don’t ask her to dinner, I will ask for you,” Fili teased.

“But how did you do it so that the entire company doesn’t bother you?” Kili asked.

“Well, we ate rather late when I knew that most everyone would be done and not bother us.  And it worked.” 

Kili sat back and thought about it.  “How long after that did you kiss her?”

“Do you remember when you helped me sneak the cushions and picnic blanket up to the high balcony?” Fili asked.  “That night was our first kiss.”

“Did you just kiss her or how did it happen?” Kili asked.

Fili sighed.  “I don’t remember.  Kili, you can’t get a lesson on this.  You just have to do it.  Live it.  When Amli gets here, ask her to dinner or go on a walk.  Let things go from there.  You’ll do what’s right in your own time.”

“Thanks, Fee, for helping me out.  I don’t guess this was the best topic for the evening,” Kili said.

Fili looked to the door again, as if it would magically tell him what was going on.  “I appreciate the distraction, to be honest.  I have a feeling this is going to be a long, difficult night.”

Thorin joined them soon after and the three men sat together, sometimes talking, sometimes in total silence.  Fili took some comfort in the strong presence of his uncle and brother.  Words didn’t have to be shared for him to feel their love and support.

Dis came out hours later and told them Beryl was still in labor, but getting much closer to the end.  Fili was relieved to know she was alright, but more worked up than ever at now being allowed to be with her. 

He couldn’t sit still any longer.  He stood up and started to pace back and forth.  Kili and Thorin gave up trying to convince Fili to relax.  Then, Fili heard it.  The little sound of a crystal bell.  It was his name, as spoken by his love.  Fili was through the door in record time.

“What was that?” Thorin asked.

Kili smiled.  “The little bell sound.  It’s how Beryl calls to him.”

“I didn’t hear any bell,” Thorin said.

“You aren’t trained to hear that, but Fili is.”

Fili found his wife, sitting in their tub.  She was panting and looked exhausted.

“Prince Fili, really,” the midwife said, “I must insist that you leave.”

Beryl slammed her hands together in the ‘no’ sign.  “He stays!”

“I won’t leave you, darling,” Fili said.  He pushed her hair out of her face.  “I’m here for you.”

Beryl made a quick sign “Hurt!” and she panted through the next pain, clenching Fili’s hands in an iron grip.

“Fili,” Dis said quietly, “try and get her to take deep breaths.  We’re afraid she’s going to pass out.”

Suddenly, Beryl changed her position.  She leaned back against the tub and closed her eyes.  She had felt the urge to push and she gave into it.  It felt so good to push against the pain.  When the pain had ended, she felt Fili move.  Her eyes flew open, to make sure he didn’t leave her, but he was only changing his position.  He got behind her, reached around her and held her hands.

The midwife, noticing this change in Beryl started to sing.  The other dams joined in.  It was a song not often heard by the males of their race.  It was sung by the attending dams to give the laboring mother the strength she would need to finish the birth.  It was a song of strength for the mother and a song of welcome to the new baby.  They worked as they sang.  The midwife and Dis knelt in front of Beryl to aid her and catch the baby when it was born and the others waited with blankets, rags, hot water, string and a knife. 

Beryl felt the pain building, took a deep breath, gripped hard onto Fili’s hands, and then pushed with all her might.  She could feel it.  The baby was moving.  Her skin stretched and burned and she welcomed the pain.  It was almost over.  It was almost over.

Kili and Thorin had taken Fili’s place in pacing the floor of the sitting room.  Neither spoke.  They listened to the voices from the other room.  Mostly it was the female voices they could hear, but once in a while, Fili’s deeper voice could be heard as he encouraged his wife in her efforts.  They heard the singing begin and Thorin knew the baby would be born soon.  He had not heard the song before, but he knew the dams sang as the child was born.

They both stopped still in their pacing and turned to face the door when the song stopped a new sound pierced the air; the sound of a newborn baby cry.

“I’m an uncle!” Kili nearly shouted.

Thorin grinned.

They impatiently waited for news, but none came and Thorin worried something might have happened.  He was nearly ready to charge in, when Fili came out, holding a bundle of blankets.

“Kili, Uncle Thorin, Meet Borin, the future king of Erebor,” Fili smiled.  “I have a son.”

“Oh lad!” Thorin shouted. 

“Let me see,” Kili came up to his brother and pulled him into a gentle embrace.  “Congratulations, Fee.” 

“Thanks.”  Fili pulled back the blankets to reveal a small, red, round head with a thin fuzz of blond hair. 

“He’s going to look just like you,” Thorin smiled and rubbed his hand over the tiny baby’s head. 

“That’s what Amad said,” Fili smiled at his son with pure adoration.  A few tears escaped his eye and rolled down his face.

“How’s Beryl?” Thorin asked.

“She’s exhausted, but fine.  She was so strong.  It was a privilege to be there to see her strength.  Amad and the others are helping her to get cleaned up and dressed.  They said they’d call me when she was ready.

“May I?” Thorin asked.

Fili handed his son to his uncle.  Thorin gently adjusted the baby in his arms and stared at the tiny face.

“It’s been a long time since I held anyone this size.  In fact, the last baby I held was you, Kili,” Thorin said.

“And it doesn’t look like you’ve forgotten how,” Fili smiled.

“I want this, Fee,” Kili said, looking up at his big brother.  He had loved Fili since before his memories began.  His mother had always told him that from the day he was born and opened his eyes to see Fili, he had watched his brother every moment; he strove to be like him and followed his example.  Kili admired Fili like no other.  “I want this.  I want to get married.  I want to see my wife grow with our child.  I want to be there to see her strength and I want to hold my own son.”

“Then make it happen, Kili.  I’ll do whatever I can to help you so you can know this joy,” Fili smiled at his baby brother.

Thorin passed Kili his nephew.  “I guess I’m his great-uncle, but I feel like a grandfather.”

“You practically are his grandfather.   You are the dwarrow who raised me as a father raises his son.  If you would like, he can call you siginadad.”

“You honor me, Fili, but, no.  I am his uncle.  He can call me idad, like you boys did.”

Fili smiled.  There was no better moment in his life than this very moment.

Chapter Text

“If Thorin finds out what we’re up to, he’ll string us up by our braids,” Fili tiptoed behind Kili.

“Oh, come on.  I helped you,” Kili turned and looked over his shoulder at his brother. 

“Yeah, but we didn’t have to seek around,” Fili whispered back.

 “You love this and you know it,” Kili whispered back.

In truth, Fili was loving this.  It was a crazy adventure, like he and Kili had had so many times before, growing up.  For a little while, he could forget he was a prince, a husband, a father, and heir to a throne.  For the moment, he was Fili, brother of Kili, prince of mischief–makers.

They were trying to sneak out of the mountain to a secluded cave they found fairly early on after arriving here.  Once the healers had deemed them well enough to leave their sick beds, Fili and Kili had gone exploring.  They had found so many wonderful little nooks and crannies in the mountain, as well as a few outside of the mountain.

This particular cave had a safe, easy way to get to it, but it required a long hike outside of the mountain and they were trying to carry as much as they could, as secretly as they could.  So, they used the short cut, which was climbing over some old abandoned battlements with a long rope to the ground below.  Once on the ground, they were very near the cave and this cave was especially nice because it looked over the Long Lake and part of Dale, with the deep green canopy of Mirkwood further back. 

Kili had invited his lady friend on a long walk.  At the end of the walk, they would find themselves at the cave, where they would find a comfortable place to sit and relax, as well as good food to enjoy.  The food and blankets for the picnic were what Fili and Kili were currently trying to smuggle through Erebor without being seen.

So far, it had not been easy.  But Fili and Kili were as light footed as a dwarf could be and they made their way through dark corridors and halls.  When they reached the old battlements, Kili tied some rope to a pillar and then tossed the rest over the side. He went down the side of the mountain.  Then Fili pulled the rope back up and tied the baskets of food and drink to the rope and lowered them down to Kili.  The blankets were tossed and Fili waited until Kili gave the signal.  Then he helped pull Kili as he climbed up the rope to the battlements again.  They tucked the rope away under some rock.

“Thanks, Fee,” Kili said as he panted at the top.

“You got it all ready, then?” Fili asked.

“Yeah.  The food is in the stone box and the blankets are spread out,” Kili said.

When they had found the cave, it was obvious it had once been a strategic lookout place for guards.  There was a stone box with a heavy lid where food could be kept safe from animals and the elements.  The boys had spent an afternoon cleaning out the old supplies when they had found the cave.   Now, it sat empty and forgotten, except from Fili and Kili. 

“You going to ask your lass to court you?” Fili asked.

Kili blushed.  “Maybe.  We’ve talked a bit about it.  She’s due to go back to the Iron Hills in a few weeks.  I really don’t want her to go, but she can’t really stay here either.  Not without her family’s consent, anyway.”

“Is she of-age?” Fili asked.

“Of course she is.”

“Well, if she’s an adult, why can’t she make her own choice to stay or not?”

Kili huffed.  “If it were that easy, I would have asked long ago.”

“So what’s making it so difficult?  Does she have a craft?  Could she work and apply for a place to live in the craftsman’s quarter?  That’s where Beryl lived when she first arrived.” Fili asked.

“Amli's a leatherworker.”

“That’s great.  We don’t have many of those.  We could probably arrange for her to have a job and she can get a place to live and stay here so you can court her.”

Kili looked to his brother.  “Do you really think so?”

“Would she stay, if she had somewhere to live and steady employment?” Fili asked.

“I think so.  I don’t really know.”

“Listen, when you’re out on your long walk with Amli, ask her about the possibility.  I’m not sure who the master of leather crafts are, but I could find out and see if he could use her.  Her family might be more open to her staying if she’s got a way to make a living and who would be silly enough to turn their daughter away from courting the Prince of Erebor?”

Kili smiled.  “I’m not the Prince of Erebor.  I’m a prince.”

“Still a prince.  And while not as good looking as the crown prince, it’s still not a bad deal,” Fili said.

Kili grinned and gave his brother a shove.  “What are you talking about?  Everyone knows I’m better looking.”  The brothers grinned at each other for a bit, enjoying the joke that they had teased each other with their entire lives.

“Listen, Kee, I’ve got to be getting back.  Good luck tomorrow,” Fili said.

“Thanks.”

Fili headed towards his study.  He really wanted to get home, but there was something to look up first.  He found the leatherworking trade was under the general craft guilds and the trade master over that was Master Nar, a locksmith.  Fili sat down and wrote a note to Master Nar asking if leatherworkers were in demand and to please get back to him as soon as possible.  He gave the note to one of the pages and then headed home.

Beryl was sitting in the soft chair in front of the fire in the sitting room, nursing their son.  Fili went to her and kissed her cheek.   “How are you today?” he asked, sitting across from her.

“Tired,” she signed one handed. 

“And how’s our little Borin today?” Fili smiled affectionately at his tiny son.

“Hungry.”

Beryl couldn’t sign well and nurse at the same time, so there was little conversation while Borin ate, unless Fili had a story to tell from his day.  Fili went to his room and removed several layers of clothes before coming back to Beryl.

“Have you eaten yet?” he asked.  She shook her head.  “Would you like me to go get us some dinner from the dining hall?”  She nodded and Fili kissed her again, promising to be back very quickly.

When he returned, Beryl wasn’t in the chair any longer, but he could hear Borin crying.  Fili set down the food and went to find Borin.  He was in his cot.  His little legs kicked as he cried.  Fili picked him up, wrapped him in a blanket and tried to sooth him.  Borin let out a burp too large for a child his size, making Fili laugh.

Beryl came from the washroom several moments later.

“You would think I had ignored him all day and denied him food with the way he cries when all I did was put him down so I could use the toilet,” Beryl said.  She gave Borin a kiss on the head, but Fili could see her exhaustion.

“I brought some food,” Fili said.  He followed Beryl into the sitting room where their plates were waiting.  Beryl sat down, picked up a plate, and started to eat.  Fili stared at his son.  Even two weeks after his birth, Fili was still amazed by the tiny baby that was his own flesh and blood.  He had loved many people in his life – his father and mother, his uncle, his brother, the members of the company, and of course Beryl.  But none of that was the same as the love he felt for his son.  It was unlike anything he had felt before and he was astonished at how strong that love was.

Fili could hardly remember his own father, but he couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps his father had felt this way about him when he had held Fili for the first time.  He hoped so.

He looked up to his dear wife in time to see her eyes drooping closed while she ate.  Her head snapped up.

“Dearest,” Fili chuckled.  “Go to bed.  Borin and I are going to have some quality father son time together now.”

Beryl smiled.   “He just ate and should be good for a while.  Just get me when he’s ready to eat again.”  She got up and left.

Fili sat back and ran a hand along Borin’s head.  He would have golden hair, like Fili.

Fili wondered how he could take something so tiny and precious and teach him to be a prince among dwarves.  He would have to learn weapons, fighting techniques, reading and writing in both Weston and Khuzdul.  He would of course, learn to speak Khuzdul, Westron and Iglishmêk. There were all the histories to learn, laws to learn and other scholarly knowledge.  He would learn about his culture and society.  He would have to learn a craft of some sort.  There would be princely duties and there would be ambassadorial duties.  And if Fili and Beryl had more children, there would be duties as a big brother. Mahal forbid him ever having to fight in a real war.  Fili would not wish that on anyone.

Could he do it?  He did not wish to fail his line, but he looked at the tiny, innocent face and knew that already, the weight of this mountain sat on his shoulders and it wasn’t fair.  But Thorin had borne that weight and Fili was carrying it.  He would help his son learn to cope with the huge responsibility.

Borin was asleep now, so Fili carried him to his room and put him gently into his cot.  He sat down next to the crib and watched the gentle rise and fall of his son’s chest as he slept.  He whispered a promise to the little babe that he would help him and guide him through life.

Fili eagerly awaited Kili’s return from his outing with Amli, but the day and evening passed with no word.  It was a long walk, but as the sun set and darkness set out to cover the land, Fili got restless.  Kili should have been back by now.

“If you’re that worried, take a guard or two and go find him,” Beryl said.

“Not a guard,” Fili said, making up his mind to go find his brother.  “Someone better.  I’ll be back later.”  He kissed his wife, strapped his twin swords to his back, and tucked a few more knives into his coat.

“Be careful,” she said.

“I will,” Fili left his home and walked down a few halls to Bofur’s home. 

“Hello, lad,” Bofur cheerily greeted and then saw the swords on Fili’s back.  “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing, I hope, but Kili took his lass out on a picnic today, they haven’t returned and it’s not sitting right with me.  I’m going to go look for them.  Will you come with me?” Fili answered.

“Of course.  Bifur, come on!” Bofur yelled.  Bifur appeared around a corner and saw Fili.  “Get you pike, Bif.”

Bifur grabbed a long spear with a one sided ax head on the end.  Bofur had his mattock on his back and they followed Fili.  As quickly as they could, they made their way through Erebor.

“Where are we going?” Bofur asked.

“To the old western battlement.  There’s a rope that goes down the side of the mountain to a lookout cave.  Kili was going there for his picnic.  He should have been back by now.  I suppose we could get Dwalin or someone to go out the front gate and see if they meet them along that direction.”

“Bifur, stay with Fili.  I’ll go get Dwalin and we’ll go around the front.  Hopefully Kili just lost track of time,” Bofur said. 

Fili nodded and continued to go to the battlement.  When he got there he called out to his brother over the side of the mountain.  There was no answer.

“Bifur, I’m going down.  Stay here unless I call for you.  I might need you to help me get back up,” Fili said.

Bifur nodded his head and helped Fili to climb over the side and watched as Fili slid down the rope.  It was a long drop, but Fili scaled it quickly.  The cave wasn’t far from where the rope ended.  Fili looked up to Bifur and signed, “I’m going to go look around.”

Bifur nodded.  Fili looked around him and drew one sword.  He hoped he was only being paranoid, but he couldn’t get past the nagging feeling that something wasn’t right.  He heard a noise in front of him and carefully, he approached the cave. 

“AAH!” someone charged at him with a great broad sword.  Fili easily blocked it and parried.  The attacker was thrown into the light of the moon.  Fili had half a second to realize who it was before they came at him again.  He blocked them and swung around so he came behind them.  He grabbed the shoulders of the attacker and pulled them up against his chest.

“Amli, it’s me, Fili.” 

Amli went limp in Fili’s arms, spun around and hugged him.  “Thank Mahal, Fili.”

“What happened?” he asked.

“It’s Kili.  We were here, having our picnic, when we heard the most awful screech.  We hid a little further in the cave and saw about twenty orcs pass the entrance.  Why they didn’t come in is beyond me, but they looked to be headed towards the farming homes just down the road from here.  Kili didn’t want them to be able to attack the farmers, unawares, so he told me to stay here and he followed them.”

“How long ago was this?” Fili asked.

“Just after sunset.”

Fili grabbed Amli’s hand.  “Come on.  We’ll get you to safety.”  He led her to the rope where Bifur still waited at the top.  “Can you climb?”  Amli took the rope as high as she could reach.  Fili bent down and she stepped onto his shoulders.  He stood up.  Amli started to climb the rope.  Bifur pulled on the rope, helping her to scale the wall more quickly.  When she finally reached the top, Bifur helped her over the edge.

“Bifur!” Fili called, “Go to Thorin.  Tell him orcs at the farm settlements and Kili has gone out after them!”

Bifur shouted his understanding and disappeared. 

“Amli?” Fili called up the wall.  She looked over the edge of the battlement.  “Go to Beryl or my mother and tell them what’s going on.  They’ll look out for you until we get back.  Alright?”

“I will,” she answered.  “Find Kili for me.  I don’t want to be a widow before we’ve married.”

Fili grinned.  “So he asked you then?”

“How did you miss the braid?” she called back.

“Oh, Kili’s handiwork at braids was never spectacular.  I’ll admire it when I get back.  Alright?” Fili called.

“Thank you, Fili,” Amli said more quietly.

He turned back toward the path and started following it, his sword poised and his ears straining for any sounds.  The farms were a quarter of a mile away, but if there were orcs, they could be anywhere between here and there. 

Chapter Text

Fili jogged down the trail for quite a while before he finally heard sounds of what could be something wrong.  He pulled his other sword from the scabbard on his back and crept as quietly as he could.  He came across a dead orc, and several more another ten paces away.  He picked up his pace, but still moved quietly.  He heard a scuffling and he turned to it.  A small man-child was peeking at him from behind a woodpile up alongside a house.

“Are you a dwarf?” the child asked.

Fili nodded and put his finger to his lips.  The child nodded his head and was quiet.  Fili looked into the house .  Orc bodies lay everywhere. 

“Mister dwarf!” another voice called and Fili turned to see a human woman climbing down from a rafter in the roof; a small baby was strapped to her chest in her coat.  He reached up and helped her down.  “I think the orcs are all dead.  My husband and another dwarf fought them all.  Last I saw, they were chasing them out of the house.”

Fili ran out the door, nearly tripping over several more orc bodies.  He saw Kili’s body, sprawled out over an orc’s body. Fili ran to him, and rolled him over.  He was covered in blood, some his own, but most seemed to be the black orc blood. 

“Oh, Kili,” he whispered and put his hand on Kili’s chest.  It still moved and Fili breathed a momentary sigh of relief, but it was short lived as he heard a growl behind him.  He spun around and threw up his sword in time to block a badly swung knife from an injured orc.  Fili put an end to the horrible creature’s miserable life and quickly surveyed his surroundings.  Nothing else moved.  He saw the man not far from him.  He hated to leave Kili side, but he needed to check on the other man.  It was obvious when Fili reached the man that he was dead.  The woman came out and saw her husband. 

She did not scream out as Fili would have expected, but quietly sobbed and came to kneel by him.

“Do you have a way to call to your neighbors?” Fili asked.

“The horn next to the door,” she whispered.

Fili ran back to the house.  He grabbed the horn from where it hung and he blew into it.  He remembered the child behind the woodpile and went to him.  “Come on, little one, it’s over.”  He led the child into the house and asked him to wait by the fire.  Fili went back to the woman, who cried over her husband’s body.  “There is a small, frightened boy in the house.  I found him by the wood pile.  Would you like me to tell him the news?”

She stood up and wiped her face.  The baby in her coat whimpered.  “No.  I’ll do it.  Blow the horn again.  The others will quickly arrive.”  She went in the house.  Fili blew the horn again and then went back to his brother.  He removed his coat and laid it over Kili’s body, to keep him warm.  He didn’t dare move him and he couldn’t tell where the worst of his injuries were.  “Hang on, Kee.”  He heard a horn call to him in reply.

Fili started to strip off bits of Kili’s clothes and used them as bandages.  He wrapped them around what wounds he could easily find.  He heard crying coming from the house.  The small boy now knew the fate of his brave father.  It wasn’t long before Fili could hear footsteps running towards him.  Not being able to tell for sure if the footfalls belongs to friend or foe, Fili stood, holding his swords, ready to attack.

“Prince Fili!” one of them called.  “What happened?”

“Orc attack.  I wasn’t here for it.  I only just arrived, found things the way they are now, and I blew the horn.  The woman and two children are inside, but the man didn’t survive.”

“Helga,” the man went into the house.

“Get the orc bodies,” another man called out.  “Stack them yonder.  We’ll burn them.”

Fili sat with Kili.  He knew that Bofur, at least, was on his way and he hoped Thorin got Bifur’s message.  They were just lighting the bonfire to the orc’s bodies when Fili’s help arrived.  Bofur, Dwalin and some of the guard arrived on ponies.  Minutes later, Thorin, Gloin and Bifur came from the way Fili had come.  They must have climbed down the battlements and followed the path.

“Fili!” Thorin called out.  He ran to Fili and knelt down to Kili’s side.  Fili explained everything he knew.  Thorin and Dwalin were working on Kili’s wounds.  When Fili was done with his explanation, Thorin pressed his forehead to Fili’s.  “Well done.  We’ve got to get Kili to Oin, immediately.”

Dwalin reached down and picked up Kili, still wrapped in Fili’s coat.  “Back the way you came,” he growled.

“Thorin,” Fili said, speaking much more calmly than he felt.  “We three shouldn’t all be out of the mountain at the same time.  Go back with Kili and I’ll stay here to help.”

Thorin was impressed with Fili’s mature handling of the situation despite his brother’s grievous injuries and was proud of him to recognize the danger of having the king and both of the princes out of the mountain at the same time.  “Are you sure?” Thorin asked. 

Fili wasn’t sure.  He wanted to be the one to carry Kili back to Erebor.  He wanted to be by Kili’s side, never leaving him.  But he also knew it was more important that the king return to the mountain as quickly as possible.  Fili would deal with the aftermath.  “I’m sure.  Just make sure he lives until I can get back.”

“Fili, Prince of Erebor,” Thorin placed his hand on Fili’s back.  “You are a true son.”

Fili watched as Thorin, Bifur and Dwalin started back towards the mountain.  One of the guards went with them.  The rest stayed with Fili.  He spoke with the grieving widow and small boy.  He spoke with the farmer’s neighbors and they tried to assess how much damage had been done to the house, the land and the crops.  Bofur stayed by his side and was Fili's rock when he felt overwhelmed by the memory of Kili’s wounds and blood.

The widow and child packed a few of their personal belongings and was lead from the house to stay with one of the neighbors.  A majority of the damage would have to wait until morning’s light before they could hope to find out how much destruction there was.  The guard from Erebor scouted the area, but there was no trace of any orcs having survived and escaped.  When they realized there was nothing else to be done that night, Fili led his party back to Erebor.  They had to take the longer way around to return the ponies back to the stables.

Fili just wanted to run as fast as he could back.  He needed to know what was going on with his brother. 

“You did good, lad,” Bofur said.  “Took care of that mess the way a good prince should.”

Fili let out a mirthless chuckle.  “And let Kili take on a pack of orcs by himself.”

“If you hadn’t followed your instinct, Kili would have already been dead and probably that woman and her children,” Bofur said.

“Kili’s the hero,” Fili said.

Bofur said no more and they made their way back to Erebor.  Dis was waiting for them when they arrived at the main gate.

“Amad?” Fili looked to her, fearing she would give him the worst news he could possibly imagine.

“Kili’s in surgery.  Your uncle is with him,” Dis told her son. “I’ll take you to him.”

Fili looked to Bofur and Gloin and motioned them to follow him.  They all followed Dis down the halls to the healing wing.  Fili could hear frantic voices.  He ran into the room where the noise was coming from.  Thorin stood off to one side, looking pale.  Oin and several of his assistants worked over Kili’s body.  Fili went to the table and tried to see, but Thorin came up behind him and pulled him away.

“Let them have their space,” he whispered in Fili’s ear.  Dis joined them and the three of them stood together and watched Oin work.  Blood pooled on the floor and at one point, Oin started pounding at Kili’s chest. 

“Come on, come on,” Fili heard Oin chanting.  Fili held his breath.  His brother had stopped breathing.  An age passed, in Fili’s mind, before Oin stopped pounding on Kili’s chest because Kili had taken a breath.  Moments later, Kili let out a yell of pain.  Fili tried to move forward, but Thorin kept him in place.  Fili had never felt more helpless and scared than he did at that moment.

“Please Mahal,” Fili whispered, “Let my brother live.”  He didn’t know how much time had passed, but he could only hold his breath when Oin finally turned around to face them. 

“We’ve done all we can for him,” Oin said.  “All we can do now is keep an eye on him and see if he survives.”

“But he’s alive?” Dis asked.

“He’s alive,” Oin nodded. 

Fili pulled himself away from Thorin’s grip and he walked slowly to Kili’s side.  Kili was covered in bandages.  Fili took the hand that was closest to him and gently held it.  “Kili,” he whispered.  “What were you thinking?  Taking on an entire pack of orcs by yourself?”

Thorin brought a chair to Fili and helped him sit down near Kili’s head.  He heard Oin talking to Thorin and Dis, but he didn’t pay attention to the words.  All he could think about was Kili.  He had to get better.  He just had too.

“Fili,” Dis spoke quietly to him.  “Why don’t you go home?  Let your wife know you’re alright.”

“I can’t leave him,” Fili answered.

“Thorin and I will stay with him tonight.  You need to go home and assure Beryl and Borin that you’re well.”

Thorin helped Fili to stand.  “Want me to walk with you?” he asked Fili.

“No.  Stay with Kili,” Fili said.  “Come and get me if anything happens.”

Thorin nodded.  “I will lad.”

Fili’s mind couldn’t stop the onslaught of images it kept throwing at him.  Kili, covered in blood.  Oin pounding at Kili’s heart.  The blood, the bandages, the unnatural pale of Kili’s face, it was all he could think of.

Beryl was waiting in the sitting room when Fili walked in.  She came to him and gently placed her hands on his arms, searching in his eyes.

“I’m so happy you’re home,” she signed and then hugged him.  He relaxed into her hug and let her comfort him.  “Darling, what happened?  Amli came to me and told me Kili had gone after some orcs.”

“Where’s Amli?” Fili asked.

“Waiting in Kili’s home,” Beryl answered.

Fili went to the door that adjoined the two homes.  Amli had fallen asleep in one of the chairs in Kili’s sitting room.  She sat up when she heard the door open.  She looked to Fili.

“Kili?” she asked.

Fili sat down and Beryl sat next to him.  “Kili was badly injured,” Fili explained.  “I just left the healing wing, where Oin just performed surgery on Kili.  I don’t know what all he had to do and I don’t really want to know, but Kili stopped breathing at one point.”

Beryl and Amli gasped and let out small sobs.  “Is he dead?” she asked.

Fili shook his head.  “No.  Thorin and Amad are going to stay with him tonight.  They will come and get me if anything happens and I will get you.  Why don’t you stay here tonight?” Fili asked.  “Sleep in Kili’s bed.  We’ll leave this door open and don’t hesitate to get Beryl or myself if you need anything.”

Amli buried her faced into her hands and cried.  Fili stood up and pulled Amli into a tender hug.  He saw the courting braid and he ran his fingers along it.  “I’m happy he has found someone so wonderful as you,” Fili said.  “I will be happy to call you sister.”

Beryl looked up to the braid in Fili’s hand.  She jumped up and hugged both Fili and Amli.  They all smiled at each other.  If Kili lived, they would all be brothers and sisters to each other. 

“Get some sleep, now,” Fili said.  “We’ll go see Kili first thing in the morning.”

Fili and Beryl went back to their home.  Fili gave himself a quick sponge bath.  He would do a more thorough job in the morning, but for now, he wanted to be rid of the smell of blood, smoke and death.  He climbed into bed alongside his wife.

“I should have gone out after him earlier,” Fili whispered.

“I’m sure you did what you could,” Beryl signed.  “Try and not think about it right now.  Sleep.”

Fili brought Beryl close to his body and held her tightly.  Sleep did not come quickly or easily for him.  Nightmares plagued him.  When Borin woke for his middle of the night feeding, Fili got up with Beryl.  She sat in her chair and nursed their son.  Fili sat next to her and played with her hair; running his fingers through her long mahogany locks and mindlessly braiding it.  It was comforting for him and it felt good to her.  And so they sat together until Borin was sleeping again.

“Come back to bed,” Beryl said, but Fili shook his head.

“I can’t sleep.  I’m going to see Kee.”  He pulled his trousers on and an over-tunic then he left for the healer’s wing.  It was early morning now.  Much too early for most people to be awake yet, and thankfully, Fili met with no one along the way, passing only the occasional guard stationed along the various passages.

When Fili walked in, he found his mother sitting next to Kili, his bandaged hand in hers.

“Fili, you’re up early,” she said.

“Borin woke for his mid-night meal and I couldn’t get back to sleep.  Where’s Thorin?” Fili asked.

“He was utterly exhausted.  I sent him to his chambers not half an hour ago,” his mother said.

“How’s Kili doing?”

“No change,” Dis said, “which isn’t a bad thing, but he’s not yet improved in anyway.”

“If you’d like to go get some sleep, you can.  I’ll stay here with him now,” Fili offered.

Dis smiled as Fili pulled up another chair to sit next to her.  “I’ll go soon.  Tell me, how are Beryl and Borin doing?”

“They’re fine.  Borin’s a good eater, but according to Beryl, that’s all he does, eat,” Fili said.

“Yes, newborns need lots of food.  It’s hard to believe he’s a month old now,” Dis said.

Fili nodded.  “I know.  Sometimes I look over the last month and it feels like it’s gone on for an age, but other times, it’s as if he was born just yesterday.”

“Such is the life of a parent,” Dis smiled.  She reached up to Fili’s face and stroked his cheek.  “I think the same thing about you boys.”  They sat together and looked at Kili’s bandaged face.  “I saw the braid in Amli’s hair.  It’s so tragic this should happen on the day he asks to court her.”

Fili nodded.  “What do you think of her, Amad?  Do you like the idea of her as a daughter?”

“Oh yes,” Dis smiled.  “Amli is a lovely dam.  Kili’s made a good choice.  You boys have both found such wonderful partners.”

“I can’t imagine life without Beryl,” Fili said.  “Amad?  How did Adad feel after I was born?  Was he happy or was he disappointed?”

“Disappointed?” his mother laughed.  “Oh goodness, Fili, your father was an absolute mess with delight when we found out we were going to have a baby.  He would talk to you every day and tell you stories.  When you were big enough to show, he would rub my stomach and just go on and on about all the things he would teach you and do with you.  He had such big, wonderful plans,” Dis was smiling at the memories.  “And when you were born, and he came into my room to meet you, he wept with joy over you.  He would hold you, talk to you, talk to me about you.  He was in love with you.”  Dis rubbed her hand over Fili’s head, feeling his thick hair.  “You look so like him.  You were his little shadow.  You followed him everywhere.  He would throw you into the air and make you scream.  He would crawl about on the floor, pretending to be a dragon and you would jump on his back and fell the great beast.  He would roar with laughter.  He made for you your first tiny sword.  He was the best father.  And when we found out I was expecting Kili, it was the same thing all over.  He talked to my stomach and made all sort of plans of things to do with both you boys.”

“But he never got to meet Kili,” Fili sighed.

“No.  He never did,” Dis looked back to her younger son.  “Do you have any memories of him?

“Some,” Fili admitted.  “But more images than real memories.  I sit and hold Borin and can’t help but think he is the most precious jewel that Middle Earth has ever seen and I wondered if Adad felt the same way about me.”

“He did, my love.  He did.  You were his pride and joy.”  Dis kissed her son’s forehead.

“But no one did that for Kili,” Fili said sadly.

“You did.  And Thorin,” Dis smiled.  “While Kili was being born, you stayed with Thorin.  Then he brought you over to meet your brother.  It was the sweetest thing and I could have easily pictured your Adad doing this, but Thorin sat down in a chair, holding you in his lap in one arm, and Kili in his other.  You both cooed over Kili.  I was worried that you might be too rough on the baby, hardly being more than a baby yourself, but you were so gentle with your brother.  The first time he opened his eyes to see the world, he was looking at you.  You know the rest of that story,” Dis chuckled.  “From that moment on, Kili was your shadow and followed you in all things, good and bad.”

Dis wiped at the tears that had fallen down her cheeks.  She looked to Kili and pushed his hair away from his face.  “You both have made me so proud.  A mother couldn’t ask for better sons.”  She stood up and kissed his head again, then leaned down to gently kiss Kili’s head.  “I’m going to get some rest.”

“Night, Amad.”  Fili moved his chair closer to Kili.  He felt Kili’s skin.  It wasn’t right.  It felt loose on his bones and was too pale.  His face didn’t look relaxed.  It was as if he was troubled in his sleep.  Probably in great pain, Fili thought.  “Kili, Kili, Kili.  I wish you hadn’t gone on your own after that orc pack.  I guess I would have done the same thing in your place, though.  I couldn’t let that filth attack unprotected farmers, either.  I just wish you could have gotten word to us before you went after them.  You might not have gotten so badly hurt.” Fili sighed, his heart clenched thinking about the possibility of Kili not surviving.  “You have to get better, Kee. You just have to.  You just asked Amli to court you.  You’re practically engaged to be married.  She doesn’t want to be a widow before you can be married.  She told me that herself.  Do you understand what that means, Kee?  She wants to marry you.  Course, I don’t know why.  I guess it’s because she hasn’t had to share a bed with you yet, you blanket hog.”

Fili sat back in his chair, still holding Kili’s bandaged hand.  “You can’t leave me.  I need you.   And think of my son.  He needs you to be his uncle.  Think of how terrible our life would have been without Uncle Thorin.  Do you want my son to grow up without an uncle?  And think about me.  I want to be an uncle, too.  You just have to get better so you can get married and have dwarflings so I can be their uncle.”

“Do you remember, when we were young, and how we went with Thorin on a hunt?  Well, we did a lot of those, I suppose, but I remember this one because we found a pond, and it was surrounded by animals, drinking on its shores.  You were just learning to use your bow.  Thorin had his and he was taking his first shot, but you shot first and got the deer.  Thorin was so impressed and a little angry that you beat him to the kill.  We went to the deer and were starting to prepare it to take it back home but you fell into the pond.  Thorin was upset and he reached down to help you out, but you slipped and he fell in.  You and I were laughing so hard and Thorin was fuming.  So he pulled me in too and we all sat there, laughing, soaking wet and splashing each other.  Then all of the sudden, Thorin jumped up and started dancing around and he reached into his trousers and pulled out a fish that had swum up his leg.  He tossed it on shore and we ate it for dinner.”

Fili started to cry.  He buried his head into Kili’s side and wept.  “You have to get better.  We have to make memories like that for our children.  I don’t want you to leave me.”  Fili wept until he couldn’t anymore. 

Oin came in later and found Fili with his head down at Kili’s side.  He placed a gentle hand on Fili’s back.  “How’s he doing, lad?”

Fili sat up and looked at his brother.  “No different from what I can tell.”  He moved over so Oin could inspect Kili’s wounds.

“Any fever?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Well, that’s something,” Oin muttered, while he continued to look Kili over.  He unwrapped several bandages, poked at the skin and slathered on ointment.  Finally he turned to Fili.  “The first couple of days after something like this are the most critical.  If he can survive today and tomorrow, his chances will be very good.”

“If he survives?” Fili asked.

“Lad, I’ll not deceive you.  He was pretty torn up.  Not sure if he’ll be using his bow arm again, to be honest,” Oin looked sadly at the archer prince.

“Never use that arm again?” Fili asked.

“There’s no telling.  He might regain all his strength, or he might not ever move it again.  At this point, I just don’t know.  Stay with him.  Talk to him.  Remind him he has a reason to stay and live.”

Fili could only nod.  He felt so numb.  Thorin came later, bringing in a tray of food.

“I think he’s got more color that last night,” Thorin said, looking at his youngest nephew.

“Yes.  Now that his blood has quit pouring out of his body,” Fili said discouragingly. 

“You, on the other hand,” Thorin said, looking to Fili now, “look paler than before.”

“Oin was just here.  Said if Kili survives, he might never be able to use his arm again,” Fili said.

“We can’t think about that right now,” Thorin sat down next to Fili.  “Right now, all we want for him is life.  We’ll worry about the rest later.  Keep your hopes high, Fili.  Do you need to get home to your family?”

Fili nodded.  “I suppose I do.  I also promised Amli that I would bring her here today to sit with Kee.”

“Go get her.  I’ll stay here until you get back.”

“Thank you, Uncle Thorin.”  Fili stole a sausage from Thorin’s breakfast tray and left. 

Chapter Text

That evening, Fili, Beryl, Borin, Amli, Dis and Thorin sat around Kili’s bedside.  It had been more than one full day since Kili’s surgery.  He had not yet stirred.  His temperature had just started to rise and Oin was worried for him.  Some fever was to be expected as Kili’s body healed, but if it got out of hand, it meant infections and trouble.  Oin had kingsfoil and other herbs in large supply.  He placed it on Kili’s wounds, and infused it into a steaming liquid, which they would place near Kili’s head so he could inhale the steam.

Dis would dribble teas and tonics down Kili’s throat and they kept cool rags on his head and neck.  Fili wanted to shoo everyone away and take care of Kili himself, but he knew that was selfish of him and instead, he kept back, letting Amli and Dis stay closest to him.  Thorin and Fili couldn’t stay away from their duties for long, but instead of both of them working, they would alternate who was attending council or sitting in on visits.

Members of the company had visited over the course of the day, but now, it was evening again and it was just family that sat by Kili’s side.  Soon it will have been two days.  The crucial time that Oin said if Kili could survive, his chances were good.  However, it concerned Oin that Kili hadn’t woken or moved at all.

They were talking.  Just talking.  It didn’t seem right to sit here and stare at Kili, and Oin said talking could be helpful, so they talked together.  Borin would gurgle and cry.  Beryl didn’t have to do much.  Fili, Dis, and Thorin were all happy to take turns holding him, bouncing him, walking the room with him, and talking to him.  They talked about things going on in Erebor and they took turns telling stories about Fili and Kili growing up.  Once in a while, Thorin or Dis would tell a story about their childhood, with Frerin. 

It was while they sat together that Kili finally showed some signs of life. 

“His hand just twitched,” Amli said.  Everyone stood up to look at Kili, but he didn’t look any different.  “I know I felt it.”

“We have no doubt you did.  Let’s hope he will continue to progress,” Thorin said, stiffly.  He hated seeing Kili like this as much as anyone else.  This young dwarf, who was more like his son than his nephew, meant so much to him.  It was painful for him to sit here and look at a dwarf so normally full of life and energy lay still as death now.

“It was probably nothing more than a muscle twitch,” Amli said. 

“Don’t dismiss him or that twitch.  He might be able to hear us and is fighting his way back to us,” Fili said.  He hoped with all his heart that Kili was fighting to return to him.  Fili picked up his other hand, the one Kili might never be able to use again, and held it.  It was more heavily bandaged, but Fili gave it a light squeeze.  “Come on, Kee.  Show us you’re in there somewhere.”

At that moment, Borin, who was being held by Dis, gave out an almighty cry, startling everyone in the room, including Kili.  Fili and Amli felt his hands grasp theirs and he took in a deep breath.

Fili laughed.  “Thanks for that, son,” he said.  “It’s time to wake up, Kili.  Borin misses his uncle.”

Kili’s face twitched some and his eyes slowly opened.  “Fee?” the name came out more of a whisper than a word.

“I’m here, Kee.”

“Fuzzy.”

“Take it easy.  You got hurt, but you’re going to be alright.  Things might be fuzzy for a while, but everyone who loves you is here,” Fili leaned over his brother’s face to put himself in Kili’s line of sight.

“Fee.”

“Kili, it’s good to see you lad,” Thorin said.  “We’ve missed you.”

Beryl came up and tapped Fili’s shoulder.  She signed.  “I’ll take Borin and go home.  Stay as long as you need.”  She kissed Kili’s forehead and Fili’s cheek, took her son from Dis and left.

Thorin sat back in the corner and watched, not wanting to be in the way, but not ready to leave Kili’s side yet, either.

“Are you thirsty, Kili?” Fili asked.  Kili blinked his eyes.   “I’ll take that as a yes.  Amli, why don’t you get him a drink, I’ll hold him up.”  Fili’s voice was cheerful, though a little forced.  He smiled at his brother.  “Let’s sit up, brother.”  He gently slipped one hand under Kili’s shoulders and lifted him just enough.  Kili grimaced in pain, but he sipped at the water that Amli held to his lips.

“Thanks,” Kili whispered.  “Amad?”

“I’m here, little one,” Dis appeared by Kili’s head.

Kili just smiled.  “You’re here?  What happened?”

“What do you remember?” Dis asked.

Kili’s face furrowed.  “Erebor.  Azog hurt Fili!” Kili’s eyes went wide and his voice was hoarse.

“It’s alright, Kili,” Fili soothed his hair back, “I’m quite recovered.”

Thorin stood up.  “I think I’ll go find Oin.”

Fili nodded and looked at his uncle.  “Would you tell him about Azog as well?”

Thorin nodded in understanding and left.

“Uncle?”

“Uncle Thorin is well and recovered.  What else do you remember?” Fili asked.

Kili looked around, but still seemed to be having a hard time focusing on anything.  “I hurt, Fee.”

“Shh, relax.  Uncle has gone for Oin.  He’ll get you something for the pain.  Just relax, now,” Fili said.  He heard a quiet cry behind him.  He looked up to see Amli, backing away.  Fili left his brother’s side and went to Amli.

“He doesn’t remember me,” she cried in a whisper. 

Fili pulled his sister-to-be into a hug.  He didn’t know what to say to her.  It seemed at the moment, Kili’s memories didn’t go beyond the Battle of the Five Armies.  He sincerely hoped that would change.  “Come and talk to him.”

She shook her head.  “No.  Not tonight.”

“Alright," he sadly nodded.  "If you wish, you can go back to Kili’s home for the night,” Fili offered.

“May I?” she asked, looking to him.

“Of course.  Get some sleep.  Perhaps tomorrow he will start to remember more.”

Amli looked to him in horror.  “What if he never remembers me?”

“Then we’ll make him fall in love with you all over again,” Fili smiled, sadly.

“But what if he doesn’t like me a second time?”

“How could he not?  Amli, somewhere, deep in his mind, he knows how much he loves you.  We’ll help him remember,” Fili kissed her head. 

Amli turned and left.  Thorin and Oin arrived moments later and Oin started grilling Kili about his memories and his level of pain.  In the end, Oin gave Kili a powerful tonic to help with the pain, but would also put him to sleep for a while.

“He just spent days asleep,” Fili said.  “Should he be sleeping so much so soon?”

Oin sighed.  “It is good for his mind and body to have woken up, but sleep is the best thing to aid in his recovery.  Now that he has woken, he’ll wake again.”

“Will he regain his memories?” Fili asked.

“We can only hope,” Oin sighed.  “He might remember more after a good, long natural sleep.”

Thorin promised to take the night watch over Kili, but he wanted to get back to his home to wash up and grab a book to read.  Dis left for the night, promising to return in the morning.  Fili sat with Kili, who was still somewhat awake after Oin’s tonic.

“I saw you hug a lass,” Kili’s speech slurred some.

“Yes, I did.  She’s very special,” Fili smiled.

“Are you going to court her?”

Fili about laughed.  “No.  I’m not.  She’s already courting another lad.”

“And you kissed her?  If her lad finds out, you’re in trouble, Fee, Fili,” Kili yawned.

“Do you still hurt?” Fili asked.

“My, um, yeah, something hurts.  I don’t know what.  It all feels fuzzy.”

Fili smiled and pushed at Kili’s hair.  “Just try and sleep.  Thorin will be here with you when you wake up.  Alright?”

Kili smiled a goofy grin.  “Thorin,” he snorted.  “Do you remember when he fell in the pond?  Ker-splash!” Kili nearly yelled.

Thorin walked in with a light blanket and a large book.  “How is he?”

Fili smiled.  “Drunk on Oin’s tonic.”

“I liked it when you fell in the pond.  That was funny,” Kili laughed.  He yawned again.

Thorin’s eyebrow went up as he gave Fili a funny look.

“The other night, I was sitting here with him, talking to him while he was unconscious.  I recalled the story about the hunt you took us on and we all ended up falling in the pond.  I guess he heard me in his sleep.”

“That was funny,” Kili’s eyes were nearly closed now.

“What do you mean we fell in?” Thorin smiled.  “As I recall, you pulled me in, Kili.”

“And then you pulled me in, Uncle,” Fili smiled.

But Kili was asleep again.  Thorin patted Fili on the shoulder.  “Time for sleep.  I’ll send for you if anything happens.”

“Night, Thorin,” Fili said.  He took one last look at his brother and went to his home.  Beryl was asleep and the door between his and Kili’s homes was open.  Fili peeked into the sitting room, but it was dark, as was the rest of the apartment, so far as he could tell.  Fili took off his boots and trousers and climbed into bed alongside his wife.  She snuggled up against him and he soon fell asleep.

“I’m scared,” Amli looked to Fili.

“It will be alright.  He noticed you last night.  Thought I might be courting you,” Fili smiled, but Amli frowned.

“Then he has truly forgotten me.”

“Perhaps some of his memories returned overnight.  Don’t worry, I can tell that Kili is still Kili, no matter what he’s forgotten.  He’s still the same dwarf you fell in love with and he is the same dwarf who fell in love with you.”

Oin was in Kili’s room, checking his wounds, applying salves, ointments and herbal poultices to them all.  Kili was grimacing, but Fili knew that face.  It wasn’t from pain, it was annoyance at being poked and prodded.

“You’ll live,” Oin said without much feeling, but when he saw Fili, he gave him a smile.  “Those orcs didn’t seem to knock any sense into that head.”

“If it hasn’t happened yet, I don’t think it ever will.  He’s got a head like iron,” Fili said back.  He was so relieved Kili was well enough and making enough of a recovery, for Oin to be joking around like this, but he still looked to Thorin for news and strength. 

“He slept well enough and has had some food.  There seem to be a few more memories today,” Thorin answered.

Fili turned himself so his back was facing Kili, and then he signed to Thorin, “What about his arm?” Fili asked.

Thorin looked over to Kili, but his eyes were closed for the moment.  With discreet motions, he signed back, “He’s hardly moved his body.  I don’t know what kind of feeling or movement he has in it yet.  I don’t think he realizes he might not be able to move it.”  He gave a sad look over to Kili and then spoke softly to Fili, “If you’ve got the opportunity today, I could use your help, but if you need to stay with him, I understand.”

“I’ll find you later, then,” Fili said. 

Thorin patted his back then he turned to Kili.  “You be good for your brother today.  I don’t want to hear about you jumping on the bed or running down the halls.” 

Kili laughed.  It was part joke, but Fili, Kili and Thorin remembered a similar situation when Kili was a youngling and Thorin had come to see Kili with his sprained ankle, standing on his headboard, trying to dislodge an arrow he had accidentally shot into the ceiling.

“I’ll try and behave,” Kili said.

Thorin snorted, trying to hide a smile and a laugh, and left the healing room.

“How are you this morning?” Fili asked

“Better now that Oin’s not poking at me anymore,” Kili exhaled. “I think I remember more.  Thorin’s king now, isn’t he?  I remember his coronation.”

“That’s right.”

“And you met a girl, but this pretty one here isn’t her,” Kili smiled shyly at Amli.

Fili smiled.  “Right again.  I’m married, Kili.  My wife’s name is Beryl and we have a son, Borin.  He’s a month or so old now.”

“You have a son?  Then I’m an uncle!  That’s right.  I remember holding your baby.  He’s got golden hair, like you,” Kili was very excited.

Fili was smiling.  “That’s great, Kee!  And now, this pretty lass has been waiting to speak to you.  Look at her, do you recognize her?”

Kili’s face made a frown as he concentrated on the lovely face in front of him.  “Familiar, but, no.  I’m sorry, I can’t.”

“It’s alright.  Kili, this is Amli.”

“Amli’s a pretty name.  You’ve got a courting braid,” Kili was surprised to see his brother had brought him a lass who had been promised to someone else.

“Yes, Prince Kili,” she said, sitting down next to him.

“Wait, lean forward,” Kili was looking at the braid in her hair.  “That’s got my design on it.”  He pointed to the bead.  She nodded at him.  “Did I give you this?”

“You don’t remember?” she asked.

“No, I don’t, but I’m still getting memories back.  I’ll remember you, I’m sure,” Kili was trying hard to smile.  “I want to remember you.  How long have we been courting?”

“But a few days, Prince.  You asked me just before you tracked those orcs that led to your injuries,” Amli said.

“Is that what I did?  Did I kill any of them before they got me?” Kili looked to his brother.

“Most all of them,” Fili smiled.  “The orcs were sneaking down to some farming settlements.  You saw them and went after them.  You killed most of them.”

"What about the rest?" Kili asked.

"The farmer, whose home was being attacked fought with you.  He picked off the few you didn't get too," Fili answered, but didn't want to let Kili know yet the man had not survived the battle.

“Good,” Kili’s eyes were dark at the thought of the orcs, but then he saw Amli again and smiled shyly.  “So we’ve only been courting a few days?”

“Yes, and you’ve been unconscious for most all of that time,” Amli said.

Kili reached his good hand up to her.  It was uncovered from its bandages now.  The skin was still pink and tender, but the wounds were well enough not to need constant covering.  Amli gently took his hand in hers.  “I wish I remembered.  Did we kiss?”

“Yes,” she blushed.

Fili suddenly felt like he didn’t belong by his brother’s side any more.  It was like a stab in his heart.  Kili must have felt the same way when he started courting Beryl.  It was good for Kili, to have his lass, but Fili felt sad that he was no longer needed.  He stepped back a bit.  It was time for him to go and find Thorin.  “I’ll leave you two to get reacquainted.  Amli, if you need anything,” he started, but Amli stood up.

“May I have a word, Fili?” she asked.  They moved out of the room.  “You can’t leave me.  He doesn’t remember me.  He won’t be comfortable with someone he doesn’t know.”

“He does know you.  When we walked in, he didn’t remember my wife or son, but then he did.  He’ll remember you.  His mind and body are still recovering.  Give him time.”

“But he won’t want to spend his day with someone he can’t remember,” Amli said.

“Be patient with him.  And, if I know anything about Kili, and believe me, I know him better than anyone else alive,” Fili smiled, “he will not object to a beautiful lass giving him attention, so whether he remembers you right now or not, he’s going to love having you sit by him.  Stay with him, talk to him, hold his hand.  You both need the time together.  But, if you have problems or need a break, don’t hesitate to ask for Amad, Bofur, Gimli, or any of the old company.  And if he needs me or Thorin, just send word.  We’ll come to him.  You’re not alone.”

She threw her arms around Fili.  “Thank you,” she sniffed.

They walked back in to see a frowning Kili.  “Have I done something wrong?”

“Yes,” Fili walked up to his brother, “you went after a pack of orcs on your own without inviting me to join the fun.  Then, you go and get yourself hurt.  Don’t do that again.”  Fili laid a gentle hand on his brother’s shoulder.  “I’ve got some princely things Thorin needs me to go do, so I will leave you in Amli’s capable hands.  Call for me, if you need me, but I have a feeling, you will be just fine without me, brother,” Fili grinned.

Kili blushed and Fili walked out of the room.  Kili smiled at the beauty in front of him.  “Won’t you sit down?”

Chapter Text

When Fili returned that evening, he found Kili asleep and Amli dozing in her chair.  She sat up upon hearing the door close.

“Oh, Prince Fili,” she stood.  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

“It’s alright.  I’m sure you’re exhausted.  How is he?”

“I think he’s in more pain than he lets on.  He finally allowed Oin to give him some tea with pain herbs in it.  He still hasn’t come to a full memory of me, but we had a nice day together.”

Fili nodded sadly.  “How could he do this?”

“He saved the lives of many and probably a lot of the crops that we will eat when harvest comes,” Amli said.

“I know.  Are you doing alright?” he looked to her.

“Yes.  I’m alright.  Tired, though.  Lady Dis said she would sit with him this night,” Amli said.

“I’m sure he appreciates you staying with him today.”

“I hope so.”  She went to Kili and kissed his cheek.  “May I go or would you rather I waited until your mother arrives?”

“Of course you may go.  Now that we know Kili is well on his way to recovery, he doesn’t need someone by his side constantly.  We do it because we know how annoying he can get when he’s left on his own for too long.”

Amli giggled.  “I’ll be back in the morning.”

“I know he’ll appreciate it.”

As soon as the door closed, Kili opened one eye.  “I’m not that annoying when I’m left on my own.  Maybe I would prefer to be alone some of the time.”

Fili grinned at him.  “All you have to do is ask.  I can go right now, if you would prefer.” Fili started to move towards the door.

“No, stay, please,” Kili said.  Fili grinned, came back over and sat down.  “How was your day doing princely things?”

“It was a dull one today.  It was stuff Thorin needed to get done, but dull, nonetheless,” Fil said.  He looked at the cut above Kili’s eye.  “That’s looking better.”

“Hurts like mad, though.”

“Poor tender-head,” Fili made out to poke it, but Kili quickly withdrew himself from Fili’s reach.

“Touch it and you’ll be joining me on the sick bed,” Kili growled.

Fili chuckled and sat back.  “How was your day with Amli?”

“She’s great.  I still don’t remember her, though.”

“You need another good night of sleep,” Fili said.

“I want to remember her.”

“You will.  Can I bring Borin by to see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.  I want to see my brother’s son.  For a long time, everything was so dark and hurt so much, but I kept hearing voices.  Mostly yours.  And I wanted to wake up and talk to you because you sounded so sad, but I just couldn’t make the dark go away.  Then, you sounded very close to me and I heard a baby cry.  It made the darkness go away and I knew all I had to do was open my eyes and I’d see you.”

Fili chuckled.  “Yes, Borin chose a good moment to let out one of his wails.”

“Thanks for staying by me.”

“I’ll always stay by you.”  Fili leaned down to press his forehead to Kili’s.  They sat quietly together in comfortable companionship until Dis arrived to stay with her son for the night.

When Fili got home that night, he was happy to see Beryl.  “It feels like I haven’t seen you in days,” he said, pulling her into his arms.

“You practically haven’t,” Beryl signed.  “How’s Kili?”

“Getting better.  He remembers you and Borin, but not Amli yet.”

“Poor Amli.  This has been so tough for her.”

“Is she sleeping next door again?” Fili asked, looking to the door that adjoined his and Kili’s home.  It was shut.

“She is, and I think she’s feeling better.”

“Where’s Borin?” Fili asked.

“Sleeping.”

“Care to join me in our room, on the bed, for a little kissing?” Fili grinned.

“I think that sounds like a most pleasant way to spend the evening,” Beryl said.  They held hands and went to their room.  Beryl was already dressed for bed and so sat down on the bed and waited until Fili had washed and changed into his sleeping clothes.  He climbed into the bed beside her and pulled her close.  For a moment, he just held her, feeling her in his arms and against his body.  Then he leaned down to her neck and kissed at it, moving around to her ear and her collarbone.  Beryl sighed happily and let him kiss her before she turned to give him some attention.

It was still too early since Borin’s birth for intimacy, but that didn’t stop them from showering each other with lots of kisses and caresses.  For the first time since Kili’s surgery, Fili felt happy and free.

A knock at Fili’s door woke him long before he was ready to be awake.  He groaned at the disturbance, but he quickly got up and ran to the door.  Usually knocks on the door at this time of night mean trouble.  A guard stood there.

“Apologies, my Prince, but the Lady Dis has sent for you,” the guard bowed.

Kili was in trouble.  Fili grabbed his coat that hung on a peg by the door, but he didn’t waste time with shoes and so ran down the halls barefoot, while tugging on his coat.  He threw open the door to Kili’s room.  Kili’s good hand was holding the blanket up and over his face.  Fili could hear sobs coming from under the blanket.  Dis was sitting next to the bed looking quite helpless.

“Fili,” she stood up and went to him, pulling him away from Kili’s bed.  “He’s just realized he can hardly move his arm and that he might not be able to move it again.”

Fili nodded.  He wondered how long it would take before this happened.  He was honestly surprised it had taken Kili this long to notice his arm.

“I’ll stay with him if you want to go get some sleep,” Fili hugged his mother.

She nodded and without another word, left the room.

Fili took his mother’s chair by Kili’s side.  He sat and waited.  It would do no good to interrupt his brother right now.  He would let Kili cry for now.  Beryl poked her head in, and silently signed to him.

“How is he?” she asked.

“Upset.  I haven’t talked to him yet,” he signed back.

Through Iglishmek they had a silent conversation before Beryl left to get back home to their son.  Kili’s cries became less desperate and finally quieted down.  Fili wondered if Kili might have fallen asleep, but Kili lowered the blanket from off his head.  He let out another sob when he saw Fili there.

“I can’t move my arm,” he said with some anger.

“I’m sorry, Kili.”

“I don’t like pity,” Kili’s tone was bitter.

“I know.  But it wasn’t pity.  I am truly sorry this happened, but Oin said it might not be permanent.”

“What does it matter?  I can’t draw a bow string ever again.”

Fili sighed.  “But there’s more to life than shooting a bow.”

“What if it were you, Fili?  What if you could never swing a sword again?” Kili yelled.

“I would be very angry about it.  Using a sword, shooting a bow, it’s a part of who we are, isn’t it?”

Kili nodded.

“I’ll not tell you to not be upset by that loss.  Never would I say that, but I am saying that there’s more to life than our weapons.”

“But it’s also my writing arm.  The arm I use to eat with.  I can’t hold a pen or a fork.  What good am I now?” Kili yelled.

“A lot of good.  Listen Kee, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you must.  You still have a good arm.  If you must, you can learn to write and eat with that hand.  Oin said that with exercise, you might still regain a lot of use in your arm. You will want to do that.  You are going to want that arm to give Amli hugs with.  No, you won’t be able to shoot a bow or swing a sword, but you can regain some function.  Don’t give up on yourself.”

“Fili, you’re right.  I don’t want to hear this.” Kili turned his head away from Fili.

Fili sat quietly.  He was sad for Kili and didn’t blame him for his anger.  “Did you have a nice day with Amli?” Fili asked, trying to change the subject.

Kili huffed. 

“She’s nice, isn’t she?” Fili asked.  “She’s been staying at your home.  No doubt she’s going to give it a feminine touch.  You’ll come home to doilies and flowers.”

Kili snorted, but still kept his head turned away from Fili.

“Of course,” Fili went on, “Beryl’s been helping.  No doubt they’ve been scheming to do all sorts of redecorating, oh and if you wanted to have any say on your future wedding, you can forget about that.”

Kili snorted again.  “There won’t be a wedding.”

“What?  Why?  Has she said something?  Has she returned your bead?” Fili asked.  He was sure when he saw Amli last night she still had her courting braid.  She was still staying in Kili’s home.  Surely she hadn’t called off their courting.

“No.  But I’m saying there will be no wedding,” Kili said, his voice full of bitterness.

“Why not?  Has she done something that keeps you from being married?”

“No.  She has done nothing,” Kili answered.

Fili sat back in his chair, feeling quite distressed.  “She was so afraid you wouldn’t remember her and that you wouldn’t fall in love with her again.  Are you so certain you can’t love her?”

“It’s because I love her that I can’t marry her.”

“Well that’s about the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.  Would you care to explain that to me?”

Kili’s head snapped around to Fili’s.  “She won’t want to marry someone who doesn’t have full use of his body,” he yelled.

Fili was momentarily shocked.  “Are you saying my love for Beryl isn’t real?”

“What?  No,” Kili said.

“Because the last time I saw her, she has no voice.  Has that ever stopped me from loving her?”

Kili closed his eyes.  “No.”

“I don’t care if Beryl isn’t whole, the way I am.  I’ve never cared that she can’t speak to me with a voice.  She is the most wonderful dam I’ve ever known and I am honored she would want to spend her life with me.  Amli won’t care if you can’t fully use your arm.  She loves Kili.  Not Kili’s bow arm, so don’t you dare tell her you no longer wish to court her because of your arm.”

Kili sighed.  A few tears fell from his eyes and ran down the sides of his face.

“I know your frustrated, Kee.  You’ve only just survived a terrible orc attack, a horrendous surgery and several days in a healing sleep.  Just three days ago, we weren’t sure if you would even live.  Give yourself time.  Your body, your mind and your spirit need time to heal, but I’m here for you and Amli loves you so much.  We’re here for you, every step of the way.  And so is Thorin, and Amad, and Beryl and Bofur, and Bifur and Ori and everyone else.  We’re pulling for you.  Just take the time you need to get well.”

Kili wiped at his face.  “Thanks, Fee,” he whispered.

“Can I get you anything?  Some water or food?”

“Need to go to the toilet,” Kili said quietly.

Fili chuckled.  “Come on then, I’ll help you up.”

Things like this had to be done with delicacy.  Usually the healers would help Kili, but Fili knew how much his brother hated it.  Fili lifted Kili’s shoulders and allowed him to sit upright for a few moments to make sure he wasn’t dizzy.  Kili threw his good arm around his brother’s shoulders and forced his body to move.   It was painful, but Kili was determined and soon, he was standing upright.  Slowly, with Fili’s help, Kili made his way to the toilet in the room next door.  Fili sat him down on a chair, just inside the room and left Kili to himself.  He stood just on the other side of the doorway with his back to his brother, just in case Kili needed help.  Several minutes later, Fili felt Kili’s hand pulling at his shoulder.  Together they made it back to Kili’s bed and Fili helped him adjust his blankets and pillows until he was comfortable again.  Then he fetched him a tea with pain herbs in it.  Kili drank it and settled down with a sigh.  Fili sat with him until he drifted off to sleep.

Morning came not long after and Beryl arrived with Borin to see how her husband and brother were doing.  Fili sat in his chair, leaning over with his head on Kili’s bed.  Kili was wide awake and grinned at Beryl as she walked in.

“Morning, Kili,” she smiled.  “Guess who wanted to come visit his favorite uncle.”  She went to Fili and placed a hand on his back.  He woke with a small start, but stood up to kiss his wife as soon as he saw her.  She sat down next to Kili and held out Borin for him to see.  Kili looked over the baby, reached out with his good hand and touched the baby’s arm.

“He’s looks like a miniature Fili, doesn’t he?” Kili laughed.

Beryl nodded and with one hand signed, “And gets grumpy, just like Fili, when he gets hungry.”

Kili let out a laugh.  It was so nice to hear Kili laugh again.  He had been too quiet and too sad for too long.

“Can I hold him?” Kili asked.

Fili helped Kili to sit up more and propped him against the wall with pillows and blankets, then Beryl put Borin into the crook of Kili’s good arm.  Kili grinned at the baby but then he looked down at his bad arm in frustration.  Fili understood what Kili was trying to do, and gently, he helped Kili move his bad arm so he could touch Borin’s hand with his.

“Can you feel anything with that hand?” Fili asked.

“Some.  It tingles a bit and I can feel that there is pressure on my skin from touching him, but I can’t really feel,” he paused, thinking for a moment, “oh, I don’t know how to explain it.  I can feel him, but I can’t.”

“Some feeling’s good, Kili,” Fili said.  “If you felt nothing at all, I’d be more concerned.”

Borin’s eyes opened and he looked up at Kili’s face.  Kili grinned at his tiny nephew.

“Hello, Borin,” Kili cooed and to Fili and Beryl’s surprise and joy, Borin smiled.

“His first smile,” Beryl signed.  “I can’t believe it, Kili.  His first smile and it’s for you.”

“Well,” Kili was grinning, “I am the great uncle.  Oh, Borin, we are going to have so much fun together.”

There was a knock at the door and Amli’s head poked in.

“Amli!” Kili shouted.  “Borin just smiled at me.  His first real smile and it was for his Uncle Kili, wasn’t it Borin,” Kili turned his attention back to Borin.  “You love your Uncle Kili.”  Borin smiled again, and Amli laughed.

“Oh dear,” Amli said.  “You might never get your son back now.”

Fili laughed.  It was exactly what he and Kili needed right now.  A beautiful reason to smile.

“And I remember everything about you, now, Amli,” Kili said.  “When I woke up, I remembered meeting you when you came with your family from the Iron Hills.  I remembered talking with you, holding your hand for the first time and I remembered our first kiss.  This has been the greatest morning.  I wake up with my head filled of memories of you and now my nephew smiles just for me.  I don’t think today could be any better.”

Chapter Text

“Just what were you thinking?” Thorin growled at Fili.

“I was thinking about how it was going to save me time for more important things,” Fili answered.

“You think that not having your foreman come and report things to you, is a good time saver?”

“No Thorin, you misunderstand me.  By allowing the foreman to make most of the decisions about his guild on his own, it frees me to deal other issues,” Fili answered.

“So you’re just looking for ways to get out of work,” Thorin glared at Fili.

“No!  That’s not it at all.  Galor knows his guild and his trade much better than I do.  I trust that when problems come up in his guild that he is the best person to be making the decisions, not me.  I have asked he report to me once a week and if there are problems that expand beyond his guild, that he come to me and we work on a solution together.  I trust Galor to do what’s best for the masons and for me, by not dealing with the mason’s daily problems, I am free to deal with more pressing matters, like the grain shortage we’re going to face this winter because a bolt of lightning hit one of the local farms and burned most of his crop.”

“You are in charge of mason guild.  You need to be aware of everything going on!” Thorin shouted.

“I am aware of everything.  Galor reports to me every single week.  But I can’t be making every decision for every guild and council I’m over, Thorin.  We have put the very best dwarves in charge of their guild and we have to trust them to make the right decisions.  If they aren’t then I will replace them.”  Fili was beyond frustrated with his uncle, his king. 

“And how do you know if they are making the right decisions if you are not by their side while they make those choices.”  Thorin's voice rumbled loudly in the spacious room that was Fili's personal study and Office of the Prince.

Fili’s head was pounding.  “Thorin, this mountain is huge.  We can’t be there for every problem, every choice.  That’s why we have foremen, council members, and guards.  We have to trust them.  My goodness, Thorin, if you feel this way, you must be involved in every issue everyone deals with.  No wonder you’re worn out.”

“I am NOT worn out!” Thorin bellowed.  “I am king!  I must know everything that is going on!”

“And I am willing to place trust in my people!” Fili yelled back. 

"Do not speak to me with that tone, Fili.  I am your king."

Fili calmed his voice, although he couldn't calm his mind.  “If you don’t like the way I do things, than you can place your trust in someone else and free me of those duties.”

Thorin was in Fili’s face now.  “I had better be the next incarnation of Durin the Deathless because this mountain is going to fall to pieces when I die and you become king.”

Fili breath in sharply at his words.  He could take a lot of Thorin’s criticism and demands, but that was taking criticism too far and Fili felt like he had just been stabbed in the gut.   He didn’t trust himself to say anything.  So he stood there, proud and unmoving, and faced Thorin’s wrath.

The fire in Thorin’s eyes didn’t die and he finally turned and stormed out.  Fili’s shoulders slumped and he wanted nothing more than for Erebor to open up and swallow him into her depths at that moment.  Thorin did not think him fit to be a worthy king.  His humiliation was doubled when he remembered his young page was still in the room and the guards on the other side of the doors probably heard him as well.  Fili started to hope Thorin was deathless, too, because after that display of distrust, those guards and that page would never show respect to Fili again.

As much as he wanted to go home, Fili did have his duties and until he was released from them by Thorin, he was still obligated to do them.  He looked over his list for the day and saw he was due at the western market for a meeting with the newest merchants from Rohan.  He rubbed his face in his hands, and quickly glanced at himself in the looking glass.  His hair was neat and his face showed no obvious signs of the sorrow in his heart.  He sighed, picked up his coat and put it back on, then made for the door way out of his study.  He half expected the page to ignore him, but the young dwarf opened the door for his prince and Fili walked out, with a nod.  His two guards followed him to the market.  The market was busy and crowded.  Fili made his way through the crowds. 

The merchants from Rohan were there, being shown their new stalls by Cloin, the marketplace chief.  They bowed when they saw Fili.  He put on his best princely face and greeted the men from Rohan. 

“Welcome to Erebor,” Fili said.

“Thank you, Prince Fili,” one of the men said.  “I am Edmund, son of Edward, head of our merchant guild while we are here.  It is an honor for us to be allowed this place in Erebor.”

Fili nodded his head.  “I hope business treats you well during your time here.  If you have problems or requirements, Master Cloin here is a good dwarf.  He will take care of you.”

They bowed again.

“Thank you, my Lord,” Cloin said, honored by the praise from the prince.

Cloin had only been appointed as head of the merchant guild in the last half year.  The previous head had been corrupt and was allowing merchants to swindle and cheat, which Fili had discovered after Beryl’s first disastrous trip to the market.  It had taken them the better part of the last two years to work out who all was involved in the corruption, but as soon as Fili had nailed down the offenders, he had had them all replaced.  Fili had worked with Cloin during the investigations and learned a great deal about him.  Since putting Cloin in charge, the markets had been doing very well. 

A large crash pulled Fili from his thoughts.  The crash was followed by a great deal of yelling and Fili and Cloin turned and ran to the source of the noise.

Two dwarves were in each other’s face, screaming.

“You cheat!” one yelled.

Fili didn’t even understand the rest of what was yelled between the two dwarves, their families and the spectators.  Shoving began and soon it was an all-out brawl.  Guards and others got involved, trying their best to separate the parties involved.  One of Fili’s guards pulled away at several who had gotten too close to the prince with their fight.  The other guard stayed by Fili’s side.  Perhaps it was because he wasn’t directly involved or perhaps it was having spent too many years as a friend of Nori’s, but Fili noticed a dwarf who seemed to find profit in the chaos and was quickly divesting others of their purses.

Fili pushed his way through the masses until he reached the dwarf, who had just pulled a pouch of coins from the coat of another.  Fili grabbed him by the collar, swung him around, held him against his body and had a knife pointed at the thief’s chest.

Immediately, the crowd’s attention turned to the armed prince.

“You want to give him back his coins?” Fili asked quietly in the thief’s ear.  The thief held the pouch out.  The dwarf, whose pouch it was, reached to his coat and felt that space was empty.  He grabbed the pouch with a yell.  “Empty the rest of your pockets,” Fili said, still with one arm wrapped around his chest and the other still holding the knife close to his body.  With shaking hands, the thief reached into his pockets and pulled out more stolen coins, gems and jewels. 

“I thank you, Prince Fili,” Cloin came up to Fili, staring at the thief with a wicked grin.  “We’ve been after this one for several months and had not been able to catch him.  Now, he can be put to trial for all the robbery he has committed.”

The thief didn’t like that and in a quick movement, turned in Fili’s grip and tackled him to the ground.  Fili never lost his grip on his knife, which found its way into the thief’s thigh.  He let out a yell of pain and released his grip on Fili.  Two guards, as well as Cloin and several spectators grabbed the thief off of Fili and none too gently restrained him.  Cloin held out his hand to Fili and helped him back to his feet.

“Get him to the cells,” Cloin shouted at the guards.  He turned to Fili, “My prince, I’m horrified this happened in your presence, but I thank you for spotting our thieving friend.  In the last couple of months, we’ve had small fights break out and this was immediately followed by robberies.  I started to suspect it was the same dwarf, causing a raucous as a diversion for his robberies, but we never could find him.  I’ve had extra guards in the market, trying to find him.  Today’s fight was the largest problem he has caused and now, we can link him to every single event that has happened over the last few months.”

“I’m glad he has been found out.  What will you do now?” Fili asked.

“He will be kept locked up, of course, but as soon as I can gather the testimonies of enough spectators and guards involved, I’ll take this matter before the courts and request he be given a suitable punishment,” Cloin said.

Fili knew that Cloin was using polite words in public and in front of visiting guests, but every dwarf that heard Cloin knew exactly what he meant.  Most likely the thief would either loose his hands and then be banished from Erebor or he would lose his life.  Either way, his crimes would be avenged and it would serve as a warning to all those who might have a notion to try and steal in the market place under Cloin’s watch.

“I will be happy to provide my testimony.  Keep me informed of the proceedings and I will want to know the court date so I might be there for the trial,” Fili said.

“There will hardly be much of a trial,” Cloin smiled, “more of a verdict on punishment.”

Fili smiled, nodded his head and clapped Cloin on the back.  “Well done, Master Cloin.  I knew I made a good choice when I put you in charge of the markets.  Do you require any assistance from me in clearing up the rest of this matter?”

“No, my Lord, my assistant and I will deal with this and report it to you later in the day, if that is agreeable with you.”

Fili nodded.  Cloin bowed to his prince.  He moved to the parties that had been involved the fight and started talking to them, finding out what had started it, what damage had been done, and if any action needed to be taken against the two dwarves who had fought.  Fili left him to it.  He chuckled mirthlessly to himself as he walked away.  Thorin would probably insist that Fili stay and lead the investigation, but Fili had given Cloin the position as market chief for a reason and he trusted Cloin to do his job. 

Thankfully, the rest of Fili’s day was uneventful.  He did not see Thorin again, to which he was grateful, and when the day was over he went home with a weary heart.  He walked into his home to hear Borin screaming.  Fili sighed.  Borin had been doing a lot of crying lately.  His mother told him it was quite normal, but Fili was weary of the endless cries from his son.

Beryl looked tired and irritated.  Fili took Borin from her arms and tried to give her a kiss, but she was so happy to be without the crying baby in her arms, she turned and walked out of the room without a hello, thank you or good bye to Fili.  Borin’s cries continued.  Fili set Borin, who was ten months old now, down on the ground while he rid himself of his formal coat and jewels he was required to wear in public as the prince.  Once he was down to a more comfortable level of attire, he picked his wailing son back up and walked out of his house.  They went down the corridor until they reached the dining hall. 

Dwalin was there and looked up with a scowl at the screaming baby.  His mother smiled affectionately and came over to him.  She looked at Borin and nodded.

“Teething still, is he?” she asked.

Fili shrugged.  “I guess so.”

His mother went to the line of food along the table and found a large, cold carrot.  She put the carrot into Borin’s mouth and rubbed the orange vegetable along the baby’s gums.  Borin’s cries stopped almost immediately, being surprised by the object being stuck into his mouth and then he seemed to find relief in the object and grabbed it out of Dis’s hand.  When the nice, cool object left his mouth, he began to cry again.  Fili took his little hand that still fisted the carrot and guided it back into his mouth.  Borin chewed at the carrot, little whimpers of pain escaping him periodically, but otherwise, he was much calmer than before.

“Thanks, Amad,” Fili sighed. 

She chuckled.  “I used to do the same thing for you boys when you were getting in your teeth.”  She went back to sit with Dwalin.  Fili tried to get a bite to eat himself, but it was hard to eat with Borin squirming in his arms.  He finally popped a small bread roll into his mouth and left.  They walked the halls and went to the arena to watch a football match being played.  Borin wasn’t terribly cooperative and kept losing his grip on the carrot.  Anytime the carrot slipped from his mouth, Borin would wail.  So Fili found himself pacing the halls, helping Borin to gnaw on his carrot and finally the baby relaxed and fell asleep.

With a sigh, Fili went back home.

“Where have you been?” Beryl is just feet from him the moment he walks in the door.  “I give you our son to hold while I use the toilet and you just disappear without a word!” Beryl’s signs were large and aggressive, her eyes flashing her anger.

“I thought you wanted me to take care of him,” Fili said.

“I did, but I didn’t think you’d run off.  And what is this?” she pulled the carrot out from Borin’s sleeping fingers.

“I thought that would be obvious.  It’s a carrot,” Fili said with sarcastic frustration.  Could his day get worse?

“Don’t you be like that at me,” Beryl signed.  “Why does he have it?”

“He’s teething.  Amad gave it to him and he stopped crying the moment it was in his mouth.  Who am I to argue what makes a baby stop screaming?”

“So, you went running to your mother?”

Fili stood taller and took a defensive stance.  “No.  I went to the dining hall to see if I could find him something to eat and Amad was there.  I didn’t ask for help, she just came up to him and gave him the carrot.”

“You were gone an awfully long time for just going to the dining hall for a carrot,” Beryl said.

“I thought you were tired of him, so I decided I’d keep him for a while so you could be free for a bit.  We went to the arena and watched a football match for a few minutes and I’ve been walking the halls, until he fell asleep,” Fili was tired of defending his every action, but it seemed that was what he was required of today; first by Thorin, then by Beryl….

“Well, Kili poked his head in a while ago, while you were at the match, and wants to see you,” Beryl said.

Fili nodded.  “Fine.  I’ll go lay Borin down and then I’ll go see Kili.  If I need to leave Kili’s home for any reason, I’ll be sure to check in with you first.”  Fili gently laid his son down, but nearly stormed out of his room and past Beryl whose eyes were shooting daggers at him.

Fili knocked at the door and walked in without waiting.  Kili was in his sitting room, doing his best to sharpen his knife with one hand.  Oin had been putting Kili through some exercises to regain use in his arm, but it was slow going and Kili wasn’t very patient about it. 

“Where did you get off too?” Kili asked.

“A party in Mirkwood,” Fili nearly growled.  Kili’s eye brow shot up.  “I took Borin for a walk because he was crying and I thought Beryl would appreciate a little time alone.”

“She looked pretty angry when I stopped by,” Kili said.

Fili nodded.  “She still is.  Apparently she didn’t like that I was trying to help her out.”  Fili sat down.  His problems at home were not for Kili’s ears, so he took a deep breath and tried to focus on Kili.  “So, what’s going on?”

Kili’s good arm slipped and the knife fell out of his hand.  “I can’t make my hand work.  I do everything Oin tells me.  I work it and exercise it, but it’s not getting any better.”  It had been nearly nine months now since the orc attack and Kili's surgery.

“Do you rest it?” Fili asked.

“Every night while I sleep,” Kili groaned.

“No, Kee.  Do you remember, when we would train with Dwalin, he’d have us take a day off every week, so we could rest from training?”

“I thought it was just so we’d have a day at home for Amad to order us about with her list of chores,” Kili said.

Fili smiled a little.  “Yeah, well, there was that too, but he did it so our muscles could rest a little from the repetitive tasks of training.  Maybe you’re working your arm too hard.  Take a day off and do something else.”

“Like what, Fee?  I can’t do anything, anymore,” Kili spat.

“You can take my place on the grievance committee for the residential communities,” Fili said.  “They’ve got a lovely meeting planned for tomorrow.  You are welcomed to go in my place.”

“What, and mess with the perfect prince’s day?” Kili snorted.

“What perfect prince?  Trust me Kili, I’m anything but a perfect prince,” Fili sighed, thinking of Thorin’s words.  He didn’t want to talk about this anymore, so he decided to change subjects.  “Is Amli’s family still being impossible?”

Kili rolled his eyes and sat back in frustration.  “Yes.”

Amli’s family weren’t the easiest dwarves to deal with, Kili and Thorin discovered.  Knowing their daughter had the opportunity to marry one of Erebor’s princes, they had many unreasonable demands.  Thorin and Kili sat in meeting after meeting with Amli’s parents to come to some kind of agreement on dowry and gifts. 

Amli was angry with her family and kept insisting they stop with their ridiculous demands.  She was of-age and so insisted they just forget her family’s wishes and just marry Kili, but Thorin would do nothing that would provoke bad feelings between the Iron Hills and Erebor.  He kept in close contact with his cousin, Lord Dain, who thankfully, was on Thorin’s side.  He knew Amli’s family of old and knew they were a pushy bunch of dwarves.

“Nothing we offer that is reasonable is enough for them,” Kili said.  “Good thing Amli is nothing like her family.  If this had been an arranged marriage, and her parents acting this way, Thorin would have cancelled the wedding.”

“Thank goodness they’ll stay in the Iron Hills after the wedding, right?”

Kili chuckled.  “Yeah.  You’re lucky with Beryl, not having to haggle with family.”

Fili nodded.  That had been nice.  Beryl’s brother, Trir, had been easy to work with and happy to see his sister married off so well and so had been happy to work with the arrangements that had been settled on for their wedding.

“Good thing Thorin loves you so much, then,” Fili said, “Willing to put up with all of that for your sake.”

Kili picked up his knife again and tried to clasp the sharpening stone with his weak right hand.  Fili could see the beads of sweat forming on his head.  It slipped from his grasp again Kili growled.  “Ugh!  I can’t do this!  I don’t know why I’m even bothering.  Why is Thorin even bothering with all of this?  I don’t understand why he’s working to get me married off.  It’s not like my marriage is going to be of any worth to him.  He has you, the future king and your son, the future, future king.  I’m nothing to the throne. And why does Amli even bother?  I can’t even sharpen a simple knife?”

“Don’t say that, Kili.  You mean a lot to the throne.  More than you are aware, I’m sure.  And we’ve been over this before.  Amli loves you for who you are and not because of your talent in weapons use,” Fili said, exasperated by Kili’s behavior.

“What did you mean by that?” Kili asked.

“Amli loves,” Fili started, but Kili interrupted.

“No, about being important to the throne.  You know I’m not.  There’s you, then Borin, and then any other sons you might have,” Kili said.

So far, Fili had not allowed himself the opportunity to think on Thorin’s words to Fili earlier in the day.  He had stayed constantly busy, but now those words came back to him and he felt the stab of cruelty all over again.  Thorin didn’t think Fili capable of being king.  He had said it and it hurt.  All his life, Fili had trained for this, lived his life to be the next king, and somewhere along the way, he had failed.  Miserably failed.

“I don’t know how the order will go.  If the kingship goes to you, when you die, will it go back to Borin as oldest of this generation or to your own first born?” Fili mused quietly.

“Wait a moment?  What are you talking about?  If the kingship comes to me?  You know it won’t,” Kili nearly yelled.  Fili said nothing.  He didn’t know what to say.  Every time he thought of what Thorin had said, it nearly knocked his breath out and he felt sick to his stomach.  Kili moved from where he sat and came to Fili’s side.  “What’s wrong, Fili?  Why would you even suggest the kingship would ever come to me?  Has something happened?  Are you dying?”

Fili stood up.  He needed air.  He needed air.  He went to the door and threw it open, letting the cool air from the corridor fill his lungs.  Kili’s hand came to his shoulder.  “Fili?”

Fili took a few more breaths and went back into Kili’s house, and closed the door.  “It was something Thorin said to me today.  That’s all.”

“Thorin says many things to us every day,” Kili pointed out.  “What did he say that’s got you so worked up?”

The door that adjoined their two homes opened and Beryl stepped in with Borin in her arms.  He was crying again.  She came up to him and shoved him into Fili’s arms, then held out the carrot.  Fili took them and Beryl left, slamming the door behind her.

“What was that about?” Kili asked.

Fili sighed.  “Just another perfect moment in my perfect day.”  The carrot was warm and soggy.  “I need to go to the kitchens.  I’ll see you later.”

“No,” Kili stood in Fili’s way.  “What is going on with you?”

Fili ignored his brother, reopened the door between their homes and shouted into his own apartment, “I’m taking Borin and we are going to the kitchens, if I have her highness’s approval.”

Beryl appeared from her room, gave Fili a rude gesture and disappeared again.  Fili slammed the door.  Borin cried out louder.  Fili went out and started down the corridor.  Kili was running after him.

“Fili, wait.  What is going on with you?” Kili asked.  He had never seen his brother so angry and he had never seen Fili and Beryl fight.  He thought them the perfect couple.  They always seemed so in love with each other.

“I told Beryl I would let her know if I needed to leave your home at all,” Fili said with anger in his voice.

Kili grabbed his brother by the shoulder and spun him around.  “Fili, something’s wrong.  Please tell me.”

“I need to get to the kitchens, see if I can find a cold carrot for Borin.  Then, when he has settled down, I’ll talk to you,” Fili spoke over the din of Borin’s crying.  He started walking again and Kili followed.  The kitchens were empty and Fili went to the cold boxes.  He opened them until he found the one that held some vegetables.  He took a cold carrot from the box and stuck it into his son’s mouth, rubbing the cold, hard root along the sensitive gums.  Borin quieted down and chewed at the carrot.

“Hmm, maybe I should talk to Oin, see if he has any ideas on ways to relieve Borin’s pain,” Fili thought out loud.

“Why is Borin in pain?” Kili asked.

“Teething.  He’s getting his teeth and apparently, it’s very painful.  Amad showed me this.  Somehow the carrot helps.”

“Alright, now that Borin’s calm.  Can you tell me what is going on with you and the throne and Thorin and Beryl?  You’re normally so together Fee.  What’s wrong?”

Fili sat down at one of the benches along a work table.  He adjusted his grip on Borin and ran the carrot along Borin’s gums.  “Today, Thorin was upset with me.  He told me I need to be a part of every decision that is made by anyone under my supervision.  I told him that there are committee chairs for that purpose and as long as they keep me informed, I don’t have to be there for every decision.”

“So you had a disagreement.  Wouldn’t be the first,” Kili said.

Fili was having a hard time breathing.  “It was more than just a disagreement.  He said,” Fili took a deep breath, “he said that he hoped he was Durin the Deathless because the mountain was going to fall to pieces when he died and I became king.”

Kili jumped up, “He said what!”

“Calm down, Kili.”

“He had no right to say that to you.  No right at all!” Kili yelled, upsetting Borin.

“It doesn’t matter now.  He’s said it.” Fili bounced Borin and encouraged him to chew on the carrot again.

“He’s wrong.”

“Thorin wouldn’t have said that without some previous thought.  It’s obvious he’s been harboring some inkling of doubt.  And if he doubts me, then he’s right, I would be a poor king.  And more than anything, that hurts the most; to know that I’ve let Amad, Beryl and Borin down.”  Fili felt like the air was trying to escape his lungs.  He took a deep breath, but couldn’t help the shudder that came with it.

“You haven’t disappointed anyone,” Kili’s voice was quiet and kind now.

“But I have.  Amad raised me believing she was raising a king.  Beryl married me thinking she was marrying a future king.  Borin should have been next in line to be king, but if Thorin believes me to be so incapable, then the throne will go to you and your children and Borin will be denied his right because of my incompetence.  But you will do well.  You will get what you have always deserved.  The only reason I was made crown prince was purely by chance; birth order.  You are just as capable, and more-so.”

“Fili stop,” Kili quietly ordered and Fili closed his mouth.  “I would never take the throne from you.  If Thorin denies you the throne, then I forfeit it as well.  He will just have to wait for Borin or really hope he can live as long as Durin the first.”

Fili sighed and went on, “I just don’t know what to do now.  Do I report to him in the morning, as usual?  Do I not go back at all?  Do I go and simply tie up loose ends?  I’m not sure what is expected of me.”

“Do you want me to talk to him?” Kili asked.

“No, but thank you.  It’s my mess.  I’ll deal with it.  I truly thought what I was doing was right.  I still believe it.  I’m confident in my decisions, but I have disobeyed my king.  I’ll deal with the consequences.”

Kili sighed and looked down to his nephew, sleeping in Fili’s arms.  “You want to tell me what happened with Beryl?”

“You will soon learn that marriage is hard.  It’s not all holding hands and kisses.  There are days we’re both worn out and can’t agree on something.  It happens.  We deal with it.  We apologize and move on.  Borin has added a new level of difficulty into our lives.  It’s not that we don’t want it, we want him and love him, but he is needy and demanding, as babies are, but it makes Beryl and I more worn out than usual and some days, our exhaustion catches up with us.  Today, it seems, is one of those days.  Borin probably spent most of the day crying because his mouth hurts.  Beryl’s still getting up to feed him twice a night.  She’s exhausted and I’m tired.  It seemed today was a tough day for both of us.  All of us.  You had a tough day too and so did Borin.  We’re all tired.”

“Did you tell Beryl about what Thorin said to you?”

“No,” Fili shook his head.  “She didn’t give me a chance.  I came home, she gave me Borin, who was screaming.  I took him out for a while, which made her mad and then I came to see you.  It’s been a busy day.”

“I’m so sorry,” Kili said.  “I shouldn’t have complained to you.”

“Of course you should.  I’m your brother.  Besides, soon, you’ll have Amli to complain too and I won’t have to hear it,” Fili smiled.

Kili smiled back.  “If Amli can get her family to come to some kind of agreement.”

“Thorin will see to it,” Fili said with confidence.  “Besides, it’s more important now than ever that you marry.”  The brief moment of mirth was replaced by Fili’s grief again.  Kili scooted himself next to his brother.  “It won’t be that way.  Remember, if you can’t be king, neither will I.”

“Don’t throw away your future because of me,” Fili looked up to his brother.  “Listen, I’m tired.  Can we just go home now?”

“Yeah, sure,” Kili stood up.  At Fili’s request, Kili grabbed one more cold carrot in case Borin needed it during the night, and they went home. 

Fili wasn’t sure if Beryl would welcome him into her bed, and he wasn’t sure Borin would remain asleep if placed into his cot.  So Fili pulled out all the blankets and furs he could find and placed them on the floor of Borin’s room, then he placed Borin in the little nest and Fili lay down next to him, curling around his small son.  He couldn’t help but remember Thorin’s words.  They ran in his mind over and over and over.  “The mountain will fall to pieces when I die, if you are made king.”

Fili came up with a plan.  He would stay until Kili was married, then he and Beryl and Borin could go on a long journey.  They could travel about Middle Earth.  Go see Gondor, visit the Grey Havens, and return to the Blue Mountains.  Perhaps he would be able to spend time again in his childhood home.  Visit his father’s tomb and pray to Mahal that his father wasn’t too disappointed in his eldest son.  Fili allowed two tears to trickle down his face, then he fell into an uneasy sleep.

Chapter Text

It was the first time Borin slept the entire night without waking.  Fili stood up and stretched.

“You just needed some company,” Fili bent down to pick up his son.  Perhaps Borin needed a sibling.  Fili and Kili had always slept together as young dwarflings.  Even when they got older, they preferred to share a room.  It was nice to have a brother’s presence.  Someone was always there to watch your back and make sure the nightmares would go away.  Someone to huddle under the covers with when the thunder was too loud and someone to tell stories too late into the night.  Fili couldn’t remember his life before Kili.

He knew a sibling for Borin in the near term was impossible.  Borin wasn’t even a year old yet.  It could take years before Beryl would be ready to conceive again and longer for it to happen.  Fili wouldn’t even bring up the possibility.  Not when Borin was still so small and waking Beryl up several times a night.

Borin was starting to get fussy.  He normally ate once or twice a night and Fili figured he was probably getting pretty hungry.  “Should we go find Amad?” he asked.

They walked out.  The home was quiet and Fili wasn’t sure if Beryl was awake yet.  He peeked into their bedroom.  There was a light in the washroom.  He wasn’t sure if he would be welcomed, so he gently placed Borin on the bed with the warm carrot in his hand to chew on and Fili changed his clothes for the day.  Beryl still hadn’t come out by the time Fili had changed.  He couldn’t hear any water, so he was pretty sure she wasn’t taking a bath.  He started to get concerned, so he very quietly and carefully, opened the door just enough to look into the washroom.

Beryl was sitting on the floor, her head buried in her hands and he shoulders were shaking.  Fili rushed to her side and took her shoulders.

“Beryl?  Are you well?”

She leaned into him and cried more.  He held her close to his body and kissed the top of her head.  Finally, she pulled away and signed to him, “I’m so sorry.  When you never came back to bed, I worried you had left me and I wondered if you had taken Borin with you, so I looked in and saw you sleeping on the floor and I felt terrible.  I didn’t mean for you to feel kicked out of your own bed.”

“I’ve slept in worse places, believe me,” Fili chuckled and stroked her hair.  “And Borin stayed asleep the rest of the night.  Did you manage to get some sleep without him waking you?”

She nodded.  “Thank you.”

“I think he’s pretty hungry now, though.”

“I’m sure.  I’m feeling quiet full,” she smiled a little.

Fili looked at her chest.  Her breasts were looking a little fuller than normal.  He smiled and kissed her.  “I’ve got some things I need to do this morning, but how about I come home early this afternoon and we do something together?  Go on a walk or ride out to Dale. Anything but be cooped up in the house.”

Beryl nodded.  “I would like that.”

“And I’m sorry, too,” Fili said.  “I shouldn’t have been so rude yesterday.  I was having a bit of a rough day and I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“Of course I do.”

He helped her up off the floor and pulled her into a great hug.  He loved the feel of her body up against his, especially her full chest.  He bent his head and pulled her into a deep, passionate kiss.  “You’re so much better than I deserve,” he said.  He remembered Thorin’s words and he felt bad that he was about to take her away from the mountain for a new home because of his failures.  He could only hope she would forgive him.

“I got what I deserved,” Beryl said with a grin, “and I only deserve the best.”

Fili kissed her again.  “My gem.”

He led her to their room, where Borin had dropped his carrot and was starting to get fussy again.  Beryl picked him up and kissed his little head.  She settled down in her chair and arranged her night dress so she could feed her son.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can after mid-day meal,” Fili said, kissing her on the head one last time.  She nodded and smiled.  Fili put on his boots and grabbed his coat.  He would not wear the prince’s jewels today.  He went to Kili’s door and knocked.

Kili opened it a few moments later.  Already sweat had formed on his brow.  “What are you doing so early in the morning, Kee?”

“My exercises,” Kili said.  “I want use of my arm again, thank you very much.”

“No exercises today,” Fili said.  “Today you rest your arm.  Will you come with me this morning?” Fili asked in a whisper.  “I could use you by my side.”

“Yeah, sure,” Kili said.  “Let me get my coat.”  Kili disappeared into his home and returned moments later, pulling his coat on over his tunic.

They skipped breakfast, not wanting to run into Thorin, and rather than reporting for his assignments, like usual, Fili went to the market place to find Cloin.  Fili filled in Kili on what had happened the day before.  Cloin was in a good mood.  He was pleased the thief had been caught.  All those who had witness what had happened the previous day in the market had given a report as well as all those who had had things stolen from them.  There was enough evidence and testimony for a very heavy sentence to be placed on the thief.  The courts had agreed to hold a hearing next week.

Fili thanked Cloin for his efficient work and asked him to let Fili know of the day of court.  Cloin was only too happy to agree, since it had been Prince Fili to capture the thief.

The rest of the morning, Fili and Kili went to the various guild masters who reported to Fili.  He visited with them, looked at their projects with them, and listened to them as they talked about problems and successes they were having.  Fili felt confident that he was leaving his guilds in good condition and in good hands.

He and Kili spoke nothing more of what they had talked about the night before and Fili didn’t tell Kili about his plans to leave as soon as Kili were married.  No matter how long it would take.

Fili left Kili at the dining hall in the early afternoon, but he would not go in.

“I’m taking Beryl out today,” Fili said quietly to his brother.  “We might ride into Dale, so if anyone needs us, you know where we are.”

“You can’t run from Thorin forever,” Kili said.

“I can try.  Beryl and I have both been cooped up in the mountain for too long.  I think we all need a little fresh air, sunshine and change of scenery.  We’ll be back before night falls and if our plans change, I’ll send a raven.”

Kili nodded.  “Be careful,” he said.

Fili clapped him on the back and headed home.  Beryl was dressed nicely.  Her hair was braided back and her dress hung in just the right ways over the curves of her body.   He loved her so much.

“I’m glad you didn’t get too caught up in your assignments today,” Beryl said.

Fili couldn’t resist taking her in his arms and running his hands along the curves of her body.  “You’re beautiful.  Did you know that?”

She playfully hit his arm, but turned her head just right to expose her neck to him.  He kissed the smooth skin up and down her neck before returning his lips to hers.

“Borin’s napping,” she said, smiling seductively.  “We could let him sleep and get a little fun time for ourselves, or I can go wake him and we can be on our way.”  She gave him a teasing smile.

Fili pulled her tightly into his arms and ran his hands along her body, now squeezing those curves that he loved so much.  “He’s a growing boy.  Let him sleep,” Fili whispered as he peppered her with kisses again.  She took him by the hand and they disappeared into their bedroom.

“I need to redo my braids now,” Beryl signed as she got out of bed. 

Fili chuckled.  “I think you look beautiful, but I wouldn’t want anyone else to see your hair so mused like that.”  He heard a happy burbling from the other room.  “I think Borin’s awake.  Do you need to feed him before we go out?”

He got up and went into the washroom, where Beryl was halfway through rebraiding her hair.  She nodded, her hands too busy with her hair to respond.  Fili kissed the back of her neck once, sending a shiver down her spine.  She shuddered from the tickle.  Fili smiled at her reaction.  “I’ll go get him.”

Borin was sitting in his cot, chewing on the stuffed animal that looked like a blue bird.  He gave a happy squeal when he saw his father walk into his room.  “Come little one,” Fili lifted him up.  “Have some food and then we’re going on a little trip out of the mountain.”

Fili had arranged two ponies for the trip.  Either he or Beryl would wear Borin in a sling inside their coats.  He would be safe, warm and hidden away from view.  Fili was hungry.  He hadn’t eaten since the night before and it was nearing mid-afternoon now.  They would get some food in Dale.  Fili had made some friends among the men and knew several good places he could visit.  King Bard’s family always welcomed him when he visited, but todays’ outing was just a chance to get out.  There were no messages to pass from one king to another.  No duties.  Just him and his family.

The sunshine was bright when they finally rode off.  It felt good on Fili’s face.  In the Blue Mountains, he had spent most of his days outside.  Thorin’s Halls were impressive and it was where he had lived and had lessons, but all weapons training had been outside as well as most of the recreation that he and Kili had loved engaging in.  As they had gotten older, Thorin and Dwalin had taught them tracking and hunting.  He missed that now, not getting to be outside as much.  He knew Kili missed it too.  As much as they loved Erebor and knew it was their birthright, it still didn’t feel quite like home.  There had been a lot more freedom back then.  Fili almost looked forward to going back.  If only the reason for his return wasn’t such a heartbreaking one.  He pushed those thoughts from his mind and instead felt the warm sun on his cheeks.  Borin was snuggled up against his chest and was pulling at Fili’s braids.

Dale had grown and rebuilt so quickly over the last four years.  Its bright banners waved in the breeze over the city’s highest towers.  The sounds and smells of the city greeted them long before they rode through its arched entry way.  The guards that watched over the entry bridge recognized Fili and bowed as he rode past.  As was rule and custom, when a member of the dwarven royal family visited, a guard was assigned to escort them.  Fili just wanted to be ignored as much as possible, but knew that if anyone attempted anything, he would be grateful the assistance, especially with his wife at his side and his son strapped to his chest.  He quietly asked that the guard keep some distance and allow the family the opportunity to enjoy the day.  His guard looked to be a kind faced, simple man, and he agreed to Prince Fili’s wishes.

They found a stable near the central market and left their ponies to rest so they could walk the streets and look over the wares selling in the market place. 

There were many dwarves there.  Some lived there and did business there.  Others, were like Fili, and there for the market place.  Fili’s stomach led them to the first eating stall they found.  He bought meat pastries, two apples and a chunk of soft cheese.  A grassy courtyard with a few small trees in it was nearby and they made themselves comfortable in the grass.  Fili was thankful that most people there didn’t recognize him.  Their assigned guard sat not far away, casually carving a piece of wood with a knife.

Fili wanted to let Borin out to sit in the grass and feel what it was like, but he didn’t trust the men of Dale to leave them alone if he were to show off his son.  So, Borin remained strapped to Fili’s chest.  Fili cut an apple slice and held it to Borin’s mouth to let him taste the fruit and gnaw on it with his sensitive gums.

They had a fine afternoon together, but soon it was time to head home and Borin was getting fussy.  Fili transferred his son to Beryl’s arms.  He helped her to wrap the sling to her body and get Borin settled in against her.  They thanked their guard and paid him for his time.  As they rode away, Beryl adjusted Borin in her coat, opening her dress so he could feed from her breast, then she pulled her coat closed around them, hiding and protecting them.

It had been such a fine afternoon that Fili had all but forgotten everything going on with Thorin.  He made quite sure to avoid public and private areas where he might run into Thorin and breathed a sigh of relief when they returned to the privacy of their home.

Beryl removed Borin from her coat and set him on the floor of his room with several of his toys and blanket.   “Thank you for a lovely day,” she said.

“It was just what we all needed, I think,” Fili replied.  He settled down with a book and Beryl brought out some of her sewing.  Borin crawled from his room, his blanket in his mouth and dragging behind him.  Fili picked him up and settled him into his lap.  He tried to read with his son there, but Borin had other ideas about what his father should be doing and kept hitting Fili’s book.  Finally, he hit it with enough force, it fell from Fili’s grasp and down to the floor.  Borin let out a laugh.

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” Fili tickled his son.  Borin squealed with delight.  The father and son continued to laugh and tickle and play for a while.  A knock on the door that separated their home from Kili’s startled the little family from their fun. 

“Come in, Kili!” Fili shouted.

Kili poked his head in.  “Oh, good, your back!” He came in, Amli followed.  “How was your trip out?”

“Nice,” Fili said.  “Just what we needed.  Hi Amli.”

“Hi Fili,” she said back.

“Guess what?” Kili’s brown eyes were wide with excitement.

“What?” Beryl signed.

“Amli’s family and Thorin finally agreed to all negotiations!  They’ve given us permission to choose a wedding date!”  Kili’s hand grabbed Amli’s and they were both grinning identical smiles.

Beryl clapped her hands enthusiastically.

“Congratulations, Kili,” Fili smiled.  He was so glad for Kili’s sake that the two families had finally been able to agree on the marriage terms.  It had taken too long.

“So, have you and Amli decided on a day yet?” Beryl asked, her sewing had been hastily set aside.

“We have.   We are getting married in two weeks,” Amli answered.

“Two weeks?” Beryl signed and Fili said at the same time.

“How can you get a wedding together in two weeks?” Fili asked.

“We’ve had a long time to plan it,” Kili smiled.

“Months ago, I visited the tailor and had them start working on my dress.  It’s finished now and I’ve got it hanging in my wardrobe,” Amli explained.

“And Thorin invited Bilbo months ago,” Kili said.  “According to Bilbo’s latest letter, he’ll be here within the week!”

Fili knew that Bilbo had been invited and was on his way, but he didn’t realize that Bilbo was so close to arriving.  It was another stab in his wounded heart that Thorin had not told Fili this bit of information, but he had Kili.   It seemed Thorin didn’t trust Fili at all.

“We’ve got everything ready,” Amli said.

“Really, we’re waiting for Bilbo to get here and giving him a few days to settle in before the wedding,” Fili said.

“But what about my dress?” Beryl signed frantically.  “I don’t have time to get one made.”

“You don’t need too,” Amli smiled.  “Wear anything you like.  We’re just happy to be getting married, that’s all.”

“But I’m a princess and I’m supposed to look my best at my brother’s wedding,” Beryl said.

Fili felt another stab in his heart.  How was he going to explain to her that she wasn’t going to be a princess for much longer?  Fili realized that with Kili’s wedding so soon, that meant that he could leave in just a couple of weeks.  He wasn’t prepared.  He had a lot of arrangements to make now to get ready to leave.  Breaking the news to Beryl would be the hardest part.

“Beryl, no matter what you wear, you always look like a princess,” Amli smiled.

“Perhaps Amad has some fancy dresses left from the queens of old,” Kili suggested.

Beryl nodded.  “I’ll have to ask.”

“Fili?” Kili said looking at him.  “Are you alright, brother?  You don’t seem particularly excited for me.”

Fili shook his head.  “Of course I’m excited for you.  You just shocked me a little with your timing, that’s all, but I’m very happy for you.  Both of you.” He slapped Kili on the back and kissed Amli on her cheek.  “I’m happy that I will soon be able to call you sister.”

“Have you told your families yet how soon you plan to marry?” Beryl asked.

Kili and Amli looked at each other with shy smiles.  “Not yet,” Kili admitted.  “But we will tomorrow.  We’re letting them think that we are thinking about it tonight, but the truth is, we’ve been planning this for a long time.  We’ve known that as soon as they gave us their permission, we didn’t want to wait any longer than necessary.  So, we planned and we are ready.  Two weeks from now, we’ll have a wedding.”

“What about the feast?” Fili asked.

“Spoke to the head of the kitchens months ago.  They’ll find out tomorrow, but it shouldn’t be too big a surprise,” Amli said.

The two couples talked for a long time.  Finally, Borin fell asleep and the dams headed to their beds for the night, leaving Fili and Kili alone.

“Beryl’s in a good mood.  Did you make up then?” Kili asked with a coy smile.

“Yes, Kili, we did,” Fili answered, not giving his brother any more ideas on how they made up.

“So I’m guessing you didn’t tell her about what Thorin said.”

“No.  I just never found the right moment to tell her.”  Fili sighed.  He debated whether to tell Kili his plans for leaving Erebor after the wedding and decided not to do that just yet.  Tonight was Kili’s big night.  He wouldn’t spoil it with his own upsetting thoughts.

“What are you going to do tomorrow?” Kili asked.

“I don’t know,” Fili said, honestly.  “I’m thinking I’ll go to Balin and see if he has anything he needs me to do.”

“Have you seen Thorin at all today?”

Fili shook his head.  “Nope.  Not since yesterday morning.  I’d rather not.  If he’s mad at me, I can take that, but disappointment? It hurts.  I’ve always hated to see his face when I’ve disappointed him and now I’m the biggest disappointment of all.”

“Fee.  You’ve got to talk to him sometime.”

“When he’s ready, he’ll seek me out or send for me.  Until then, I will not bother him,” Fili replied.

Chapter Text

Fili missed Thorin.  He didn’t realize how much until Kili’s wedding, but he truly missed his uncle.

Kili and Amli had shocked everyone with their announcement about their wedding, but nothing could be done about it.  Both parties had agreed on everything and given the couple their promise to let them marry.  The kingdom was in a whirlwind of preparation.  Dis about went out of her mind with planning, but then was surprised to find out how much pre-planning Amli had already done.  Bilbo arrived one week before the wedding and was put to work by Dis almost immediately.  Bilbo, being a good natured Hobbit, who loved a party as much as the next person, was happy to find himself in the great kitchens with every ingredient imaginable at his disposal. 

Dis was more than happy to share the queen’s wardrobe with Beryl, who managed to find several fetching outfits befitting her rank as future queen, which made Fili’s heart ache. 

Fili did his part and even though he had quit trying to avoid Thorin, their paths never crossed.  Thorin was avoiding him and had not even asked to see him, making Fili all the more determined to leave as soon as possible.   He had told no one his plans, but had worked late into many nights with his lists and preparations. 

Kili and Amli’s wedding went off without a hitch.  Amli looked stunning in her wedding gown and Kili looked like a younger version of Thorin, dressed in his costumes of deep blue and a small golden crown on his head.  Fili was so proud of his younger brother.  He felt Kili deserved every bit of happiness.  He had been so fortunate in his marriage to Beryl.  She was as perfect to him now as she was the day they had been married.  More perfect, if that were possible, for she had since bore him a son.  He thanked Mahal every day for his sweet Beryl.

It was during the feast that followed the wedding and after Kili and Amli had been escorted to their wedding chambers, that Fili realized how very much he missed Thorin.   Thorin had been like a father, but their relationship wasn’t just that of father and son.  There was a friendship as well as the authority.  They had worked together so long and so often as near equals in their positions as king and crown prince.  They had laughed together, fought together, taken meat together and supported each other through the joys of life and hardships.  Now, he could see that man he loved and respected so much, sitting just on the other side of the room, but Thorin couldn’t have been farther away from Fili right now if he were in Ered Luin.

He wanted to throw himself before Thorin and beg his forgiveness, but he would not dishonor his uncle with such behavior.  He would take his punishment as it was given to him by the dwarf that raised him.  He couldn’t stand to see the looks of disappointment any longer.  He would remove himself from Thorin, giving Thorin the freedom to make Kili his heir.  Kili had never disappointed Thorin, and Fili had.  He was so disappointed in him that he had not spoken directly to him in nearly three weeks.

Fili sighed.  How had it come to this?

Fili had promised Amli with another trip to Dale.  They set out on their ponies in the early morning one week after Kili’s wedding.  Fili had only seen Kili once during that week.  He was happily in love and busy with his wife, as he should be.  Beryl and Fili chatted as they rode into Dale.  They did a little shopping and ate lunch in the grassy courtyard again.

Fili kept nervously looking around.  He was waiting for the signal from one of his guards.  Everything was worked out.  He left his two guards with the instructions that after Fili had left Erebor with Beryl, they, along with one maid, were to pack up everything Fili had left for them on a list, into four large trunks.  After the trunks were packed, they were to be loaded onto a cart and the cart would meet them that afternoon in Dale.  From there, they would leave Dale and camp out several hours south of the city.  Of course, Beryl knew none of this but Fili was ready with his story.

It was mid-afternoon when his guards showed up.  Beryl was confused, but went along with her husband, until she saw they were leaving Dale by the south gate.

“Where are we going and why is there a wagon following us?” she asked.

“I have a surprise for you.  We’re going to Nordel to see your bother,” Fili said enthusiastically. 

He expected her to be a little more enthusiastic.

“What?  Why?”

“To visit your brother.  We’ve never gone to see him and I want to see where you grew up,” Fili said.

“Why didn’t you tell me about this little trip?” Beryl asked.

“Well, as a prince and princess, it’s safer to travel if few people know of our journey.  The fewer people to know, the fewer attempts there can be on someone trying to take our lives.  It’s the safest thing to do,” Fili explained.

“Alright, fine, although I would have liked to have known so I could pack my own things.  Oh, no, you packed for me!” Beryl said.

“Yes, but don’t worry, I brought everything,” Fili assured her.

Beryl shook her head, knowing there were probably several things Fili neglected to pack that were of use to dams, but not dwarrows.  This could be a very long journey indeed.  She shook her head and buried her face into her hands.

“Oh, Fili, I wish you had told me,” she finally signed.  “So tell me this, other than you and these two guards, who else knew of our plans to visit Nordel?”

“I told you, it’s better to have fewer who know.”

“So, you didn’t tell Thorin or Dis or even Kili?” Beryl’s eyes were wide.

“Safer this way,” Fili said, trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince her.

“Kili is going to kill you!” she signed.

“Kili won’t surface from his home for at least another week.  He won’t even notice.  He’s got his beautiful wife to keep him occupied.”

“You don’t know your brother very well if you think he’s not going to notice you’re gone,” Beryl said.

“In the past week, I’ve only seen him once.  Trust me.  It’s going to be a week before he notices,” Fili said.

“And so that makes sneaking off like this alright?” Beryl’s anger came off very clearly in the way her hands moved.  “And what about Thorin?”

“He won’t care.  Please, can we talk about something else now?” Fili asked.

“No.  I want to know what’s going on.  Why this sudden trip?  We’ve never talked about going to Nordel before.  Why all of the sudden did you want to leave?  What’s wrong between you and Thorin?”  Beryl asked.

“I don’t want to talk about this now.”

Beryl pulled her pony to a stop.  “I won’t go another foot until you tell me what’s wrong.”

“Beryl, please.  I’ll tell you as we go.  Let’s just go.”

“No,” Beryl said.  “Tell me now, or I turn this pony around and ride for Erebor.  We’re still within a day’s travel.  I could be there by midnight.  Tell me what happened or I go.”

Fili sighed.  Beryl’s sparky personality and boldness were two of the things about her that he had been so attracted to when he met her.  Now, she was using it against him.  He knew there was nothing else he could do.  So he quietly explained what had happened between Thorin and himself.

Beryl was shocked by Fili’s confession and she realized how much sense this all made.  She had noticed soon after their big fight when Borin was teething, how Fili quit talking about Thorin and his assignments and they had quit seeing Thorin at dinners and no more social visits from him.  She had just assumed it was the stress of the wedding, but she should have known.  She should have seen the signs.  Even in the worst of situations, they had always worked together.  Trials had always brought Thorin and Fili closer together.  She was angry with Thorin for saying this about her husband, but she was angrier with Fili for hiding it all from her for three weeks. 

She hopped down off her pony.  “We camp here for the night,” she announced.

The two guards exchanged looks and then looked to Fili.

“We can’t stay here tonight.  Let’s move on.  In a few hours we can set up camp,” Fili said.

Beryl sat down on a rock and pulled Borin into a nursing position.  “No.  We camp here.”

Fili got off his pony and went to her.  To his surprise, she stood up and hugged him.  There were tears in her eyes when she pulled away.

“Fili, I’m so sorry.  I wish you had told me.  Don’t you think I can share some of your burden?”

“You’ve got so much on your plate.  You didn’t need more.”

“Our burdens are to share.  It’s marriage.”

Fili buried his head into the crook of her neck.  “I don’t know what to do,” he finally said.

“We set up camp and rest for the night,” Beryl said.

Fili looked up to the guards.  “The princess has spoken.  We set up camp here.”  He helped her to sit back down so she could feed Borin while Fili and the guards set up two small tents and filled the floor of the tents with soft blankets and furs.  They started a campfire and cooked some dinner.  The three dwarrow would take turns on watch over the course of the night, with Fili would take second watch.

He and Beryl climbed into their tent.  Borin was sound asleep and lying on the blankets between his parents.  Fili and Beryl sat facing each other, ready to talk about what to do next.  Fili wanted to continue to Nordel and then head west to the Blue Mountains.  They talked for a long time.

Finally Beryl said to him, “Fili, I understand why you want to get away and I’m happy to go with you, but I don’t want to leave until I can say goodbye and pack a few of my own belongings.  Once I’ve done that, we can travel on. Getting out of Erebor for a few years might be good for us.”

“I can’t go back,” Fili said.  “Truly, I’ve packed all your things.  We can write a letter of goodbye when we get to Nordel.  Can’t we just go?”

“If I understand things right, you told no one you were leaving.  What are they going to think when they realize you’re gone?  Might Thorin go to Dale and interrogate King Bard about our whereabouts?  He might accuse Thranduil or Dain of something.  Knowing Thorin, in his worry for you, he could start a war.”

“He won’t even know I’m gone.”

“Your mother will notice.  And what about Kili?” Beryl asked.  “Whether he surfaces from his wedding bliss today or next week, how do you think he’s going to feel when he finds out you’ve left without saying good bye?  It will hurt him.  You two are everything to each other.”

Fili sat back and sighed.  He knew he would hurt Kili and his mother’s feelings, but he had seen no other option.   He had always worked so close with Thorin and to be denied his place now, it just hurt too much.

“You and Thorin need a good talking to,” Beryl said.  “I promise to go with you, but I need to say goodbye.  At least let me write a letter.”

Fili nodded.  “In the morning, you can send your letter, but then we move on.”

“You had better get some sleep, if you’re on next watch,” Beryl laid down next to Borin.  Fili nodded and followed her lead.  His heart was heavy and his mind was full, and when he finally fell asleep, his dreams were troubled.

Second watch quickly came and while Fili wasn’t happy about getting up so soon after falling asleep, he was happy to escape his dreams for a little while.

Chapter Text

Much to Beryl’s disappointment, the morning sun rose without any incident during the night.  She had hoped that someone would notice them missing and come to find them over night.  She had seen, the afternoon before, a black bird, high in the sky, circling them.  She had been quite certain it was a raven and she had hoped it would take word of their whereabouts back to Erebor.  But no one had come. Perhaps Fili was right.  Perhaps Thorin didn’t care and the ravens would only confirm to Thorin that Fili had finally left.

Fili gave her quill and parchment.  She wrote to Dis and explained in as few words as possible why they were going.  She requested the princess talk with her brother and find out just what was going on and what was expected of Fili in the future.  With a heavy heart, she gave the note to one of their two guards, who was to take it back to Dale, hire a messenger who would take it to Erebor and the guard was to return to them as swiftly as possible.  Fili prided himself on being an excellent swordsman, but he wanted more protection for his wife and son than himself and one guard.

The guard left with the note and the rest of them started their journey south.  Beryl wasn’t interested in conversation this morning and Fili was too emotionally tired to do much more than ride his pony, anyway.  With every step of their ponies, Beryl’s heart and hopes faded further and further away.  She had really hoped that someone from Erebor would notice their absence and come for their crown prince.

They had been on the road for an hour before they finally heard the fast approach of hooves.  Beryl assumed it was the guard returning from Dale and paid the approaching rider no mind.  Fili was more cautious than that, having been trained as a warrior, and he turned his pony to see who approached and if they were friend or foe.

It wasn’t just the one pony with their returning guard, but approximately two dozen ponies that approached them.  Even from the far distance, Fili recognized the one riding up front.  Only one dwarf had that bearing and it was someone he knew well: Thorin.  Next to Thorin, he could see his brother.  There was Bofur with his silly hat, the huge form of Dwalin, and a small figure riding awkwardly behind them, Bilbo.  And there was a dwarf with skirts billowing behind her, his dear mother.  Fili’s heart leapt with joy and dropped with despair in the same moment.

His fears got the better of him, though, and he started to get a panicked feeling in his chest.  He worried Thorin was coming to ride him out of the country for good.  He looked to his wife, who had finally turned around to see who approached and was surprised to see her smiling.  Their company stopped and waited for the king’s company to arrive.

Fili hopped off his pony and bowed as Thorin’s company approached.  The next thing he knew, he was being grabbed and hugged by several people.  Kili’s and Thorin’s voices were in his ears.

“Thank Mahal,” Thorin said.

He was released from their hug and then immediately pushed hard.  He fell back into his pony and looked at his brother’s dark, angry eyes.

“What in Mahal’s great name were you thinking, you idiot?” Kili yelled at him.  There was no mirth in his face.  Relief yes, but no mirth.

“Kili,” Thorin growled.

“No!   I want to know what in the world he thinks he’s doing,” Kili yelled.

“It’s a good thing Kili got to you first, because I would have done more than shoved you,” Dis came marching up behind her brother and son.

Fili hated being reprimanded and once again it was in front of the entire company plus half a dozen guards.  He bowed his head.  A soft gentle hand took his and squeezed it.  Thank goodness for his wife.  At least she loved him.

“Well?” Kili demanded. “Tell me why you have dragged me away from a day with my wife when we are still in our wedding internment.”

“Hey, I didn’t ask you to come,” Fili said angrily.  “You could have stayed home.  You shouldn’t have found anything out until next week.”

“What?” Dis nearly screamed.  “Did you think you would be so easily missed?  That neither Thorin, nor Balin nor I would notice your absence?”

“I didn’t think that some of you would notice,” he glanced shyly at Thorin, “and I hoped that the rest of you wouldn’t for several days.  I had every intention on writing you and letting you know of my whereabouts,” Fili said, his voice quiet and his face red with embarrassment, “once we were well on our way.”

“That is the most selfish thing,” Dis started, but Thorin’s big hand rested on her shoulder.

“Enough, Dis.  It is not helpful.  Let me talk to the lad,” Thorin said quietly and gently. 

“You had better sort this out, Thorin Oakenshield,” Dis pointed a finger at her brother.  “This is your fault.”

On his way back to Dale, the guard Beryl had sent with the letter for Dis, had met with Thorin’s party, who had gotten word from the raven that Fili was headed south.  He had given her the message and Dis had nearly cut off Thorin’s head when she read the letter.  Kili confirmed the story, as he had known what had transpired between Thorin and Fili several weeks ago.  Thorin had not denied it and promised to make amends as soon as they caught up with Fili.

Dis was fuming now at her brother, as well as her eldest son.

Thorin nodded. “I know it is my fault.  Please, come with me, Fili.  I wish to talk with you in private.”  Thorin lead Fili far away from the group.  A guard stayed closer to them, but wasn’t close enough to hear what his kings was saying to the prince.  He would make sure they were given their privacy.

Dis turned to Beryl.  “Are you alright dear?”

Beryl smiled and sighed.  “I am and better now that you’re here.  I would have gone on with Fili, gladly, especially if he had been open and honest with me about the entire situation.  But I’m glad you’ve come.  If Fili is truly being sent away by Thorin, he needs to have the closure with Thorin first, and I needed the chance to say good-bye to you.”

Dis hugged her son’s wife.  “You are a good daughter to me and a good wife to my hard-headed son.  Thank you for sending me the letter.  I was sick with worry yesterday afternoon when I realized you were gone and your home empty.”

“Will Thorin send him away?” Beryl’s small signs showed her nervousness.

Dis smiled at her daughter, “He would never send Fili away.  Not in anger, anyway.”

Beryl removed Borin from the sling on her chest and handed him to Dis, who was thrilled to be reunited with her grandson.

Kili was pacing furiously and the rest of Thorin’s company looked to be in some sort of conference of their own.  Bilbo broke away from the group and approached Kili.  They talked quietly for several minutes and Kili visibly settled down.  He joined his mother and tickled Borin’s chin.

“I can’t stay if Fili leaves,” Kili said.  “I’ll leave, too.  I can’t be without him.”

“You will not have to be,” Dis said, “but you are strong, Kili, and if the time comes for the two of you to be separated for a while, you will survive just fine.  Especially now that you have Amli by your side.”

“It’s not the same, though,” Kili looked like a pouting child.

“No, it’s not the same,” Dis agreed.

Thorin led Fili away from the company until they were out of ear shot.  Thorin said nothing as they walked away and Fili worried about what his punishment would be.  He had acted rashly, he supposed, but the looks of disappointment from Thorin were more than he could bear.  Fili was silent and waited for Thorin’s reprimand. 

When then finally reached a distance away, Thorin stopped.  “Fili,” his voice was more kind and gentle than Fili had anticipated.  “I want to apologize to you.”

Fili had not expected that.  “You’ve done nothing, Thorin.  I have disappointed you.  It is I who should apologize.”

“We’ve both behaved poorly,” Thorin sighed.  “But I want you to know that you have not disappointed me.  I am always proud of you and while I don’t always agree on your methods, you always finish the work I ask of you.  The dwarves and guilds that you are over, think very highly of you and in truth, wne ever have but few problems with those in your charge.  I was wrong,” Thorin took in a great breath and let it out slowly, like he was trying to control some emotion, “I was wrong to say that you are not fit to rule someday, because I know you will rule better than I.”

“Not true, Thorin.  I will never be as great as you,” Fili said quietly.

“You will be better.”

“Thank you,” Fili said, unsure of what else to say.  He felt somewhat better, but that nagging feeling of Thorin having doubt in his abilities still pricked at him.

“The truth is, lad, I had rather a bad morning on that day.  I took out my frustration and anger at you and that was wrong of me.”  Thorin glanced sideways to make sure they were truly alone.  There was one guard nearby, but he was far enough away he would not hear.  “I have told this to no one else and I would beg you to keep it a secret for now.  I’m still coming to terms with it.”

“Uncle?” Fili asked, now very concerned.  This was not like Thorin at all and Fili was scared.

“Do I have your word?”

“I swear on Durin’s beard that I will not tell anyone.  Not even Kili,” Fili added for good measure.

“Thank you.”  Thorin sighed again and rubbed his hand through his hair.  “The truth is, Fili, I’m losing my sight.  It’s been coming on slowly, but Oin confirmed it, that morning, in fact, that my sight is going and within another decade, I will most likely not be able to see anything anymore.”

Fili was stunned.

“I’m scared, Fili.  Honestly scared.  I’m scared in a way I have not been but a few times in my life.  I was scared when Smaug came.  I was scared when Kili was born because we didn’t think he or your mother would survive.  I was scared when I thought Azog had killed you and your brother.  And I’m scared now.  How do I go on?  How do I rule when I cannot see?  I’ll step down and make you king, of course, but what will I do then?  Will I just be a nuisance to you and the family?  Someone who will need to be taken care of because he can no longer care for himself?  How do I get around Erebor?  How will I watch your children play and grow?  What use will I be when I can no longer see anything?  I will be Thorin, the blind, ex-king of Erebor.  Pathetic and useless.”

“Uncle Thorin,” Fili spoke forcefully.  “Listen to me.  You will never be pathetic and useless.  Never.  To hear about your sight makes me very sad.  I wish this were not so, but if it is to be your fate, please know that I nor Kili nor Amad nor anyone else will think of you as a pathetic nuisance.  We’ll help you.  You said that it could take the better part of the next decade.  That gives us plenty of time to learn, plan and adjust.”

“I don’t want pity,” Thorin voice was halfway between a growl and a mumble.

“Pity?  Look at those who followed you out here today.  You won’t find pity there.  They’ll be sad to learn of your sight and they will do anything in the world to help you, but they will not pity you.  Look at Beryl, without a voice, and Bifur without a good part of his sanity, and Kili, who has but limited use of his right arm.  They will understand you and we’ll all still hold you in highest respect.  We’ll help you through this and I will do anything I can for you.  Anything.  And you do not need to give up your crown because you cannot see.  You can still be king.  Your mind will not be altered.  Balin, Kili and I will be your eyes, but you will still be able to rule.  Don’t let it stop you.”

Thorin placed a hand on the side of Fili’s face and used his thumb to wipe at the tears that Fili didn’t even know he was shedding.  “What makes me the saddest about all of this, is that someday, I won’t be able to see your face again.”

Fili placed his hand along Thorin’s face, just as Thorin held his. 

“Fili, all of this is beside the point right now.  I did not ride all this way to tell you that.  I came to apologize.  I never should have spoken about you in such a way.  You have done nothing but great things.  I might have been having a bad day, but that is no reason for me to have said what I did or not immediately apologize.  And since then, I’ve been nervous to approach you.  Humility is a trait I’ve never had in large quantities and many have pointed out to me it is my greatest weakness.  I hurt you and was too proud to right the wrong I created.  I am very sorry and I wish you would return with me home.  I want to keep an eye on you, and it is not because I don’t trust you.”

“I understand,” Fili smiled.  “and I’m sorry too.  I should have known you better and trusted myself more.  It was foolish of me to run away like I was in my thirties again.  The thing is, I can take your anger Thorin.  We’ve had our differences over the years and I can take your anger, but I never want to disappoint you.  Aside from losing Kili, my biggest fear in life has been being a disappointment to you.  You, who I trust, love and respect most of all.  The idea of failing you is the second worst thing that could ever happen to me.”

“You have never disappointed or failed me.  And I hold you in highest esteem.  How about, that from now on, if we have a, as you put it, difference of opinion,” Thorin said to Fili, who smiled at his uncle, “we take some time to cool off, but not more than a day goes by before we work it out again.”

“I agree.”

Thorin bumped his forehead to Fili’s.  “Thank you.”

“And Thorin,” Fili looked into his uncle eyes, “your secret is safe with me.  I will keep your confidence until you are ready to share it with the others.  Whether that be today, next month, or next year, I will not say a word to anyone.  But don’t wait until your sight gets too bad before you let others know.  You will have everyone’s support, I assure you.”

A fire was started and an early lunch cooked.  Those that had ridden from Erebor had gotten up before the sun rose and ridden nonstop since then.  They were all sitting down to eat when Thorin and Fili finally returned.

Fili bowed to the assembled group.  “Friends, my sincerest apologies for worrying you and causing you such inconvenience.  I behaved rashly and I hope you can accept my apologies.”

“We accept you apologies and offer you forgiveness,” Balin said tenderly.  The rest of the group nodded their heads enthusiastically.  Fili bowed again his appreciation.

“I too must apologize,” Thorin said.  “It was my own, um,” he paused, but the group filled in the blanket for him.

“Pig-headedness?” Dis offered.

“Stupidity,” Dwalin inserted.

“Short temper?” Bilbo said.

Thorin nodded at all of these.  “Yes, all that and more, which would be rude to say in front of the ladies,” he looked at Dwalin, who smiled innocently.  “Fili and I had a disagreement, which led me to say many unkind and untrue words at him.  And I did not come to him to apologize when I should have; the moment after those words had left my mouth, or at least after I had cooled down.  I take back my words to him and I apologize to all of you, but I also thank each of you for riding out with me to find my lost son.”

“We will follow our king and our princes to whatever end for whatever purpose,” Bofur said.

“There and back again,” Bilbo smiled.

Chapter Text

“Look, Adad!” young Borin ran at his father.  He held up a small sword that had been padded by the softest cloth.  “It looks like yours.”

Fili lifted his son and took the sword from his hands.  In Fili’s hands, it was more of a dagger.  He inspected the sword carefully and swung it in a figure eight.  “A fine sword, my son.”

Borin took back his sword and ran to Kili.  “Uncle Kili!  See?  My sword is like Adad’s.”

“That’s great Borin.  Do you know how to hold it properly?” Kili asked.  To his surprise, the small child held the sword the right way and took on a proper fighting stance.  “I think it’s time to introduce him to training dummies.”  Kili had built his little nephew the sword and a miniature training dummy for Borin’s birthday.

Borin whooped and ran with a yell at the small wooden dummy that was padded with straw in a sack.  He took a slicing hack at the dummy, but missed.  Kili laughed.  “Don’t worry, I’ll teach you the right way to swing that sword of yours.”  Kili had regained much of the use in his right arm.  He could hold smaller, light swords, but he wasn’t very good in a fight anymore.  Still, he had strength enough he would be able to teach Borin and his own child for years to come.

Borin tried to stick the sword into his belt, but couldn’t get it right and ended up with it in his tunic.  Fili laughed, bent down and adjusted the sword to hang from his hip through the belt around his tunic.  Borin ran back to his mother.  “I’m like uncle!”

Beryl smiled sweetly at her son and ruffled his blond hair.  “I think it is about time to bring out your cake, isn’t it?” she signed and started to get up.

Bilbo hopped up first. “I’ll get it princess,” he said.  “You just relax.”

Amli walked over to where Beryl sat and eased her body down next to her sister.  The two princesses were both heavy with child.  It wouldn’t be more than a month from now that Dis would have two more grandchildren.  Thorin had invited Bilbo to Erebor for Borin’s fifth birthday and to stay until the two new babes had been born, but when Bilbo arrived, he brought a great number of trunks and an old armchair.  He said he was getting too old to travel back and forth between the Shire and Erebor so often, so he sought permission from Thorin to remain in Erebor permanently.  He said he didn’t belong in the Shire anymore since his family was with the dwarves.  Thorin was all too happy to have his friend remain in his kingdom and Bilbo was given a splendid apartment in the royal wing, not far from Thorin’s chambers.   He had made himself quite at home and it was as if he had always been here.  Borin thought the world of Bilbo and the princesses Beryl and Amli enjoyed his company.  Beryl was teaching him Iglishmek so they would be able to chat with one another.

A minute later, Bilbo returned to the royal dining hall with a large cake.  He had helped Beryl to create it and it was covered in iced sugar.  Everyone gathered around Borin and Fili, as Fili cut the cake and passed a large piece of it to everyone there.

Thorin sat in a chair near the fireplace and watched the proceedings with a cheerful eye.  His sight had deteriorated quite a bit and he was half blind in one eye.  The other wasn’t far behind it, but he still had some vision and he spent as much time as he could watching his family, determined to make as many memories as possible. Fili brought him a slice of the cake and sat down next to him.

“Are you well, Uncle?” Fili asked.

Thorin clapped him on the back.  “I am, Fili.  Never in my life did I think I would see anything so wonderful as this.  I have you and Kili, who are like my sons, here by my side.  You have your own wonderful families and I am surrounded by my most loyal and dear friends.  It is more than I ever deserved, but I am most thankful for it.”

“It is more than any of us deserve,” Fili nodded and watched as Borin gobbled his cake.

“You were the same age as Borin when Kili was born.  Do you think your children will share the bond you have with your brother?”  Thorin asked.

“I hope so.  Was it like that for you and Uncle Frerin?” Fili asked.

Thorin unconsciously smiled a small, gentle smile at the thought of his brother.  “Aye.  It was.  He waits for me.  I know he does.  We’ll be reunited.”

“Not too soon, I hope,” Fili said with concern.

“No, lad.  Not too soon,” Thorin’s smile turned to Fili.  “There are still many good years ahead of me and there are things I wish to teach Borin and your new one.”

“Why do I get the feeling you’re going to share all my mischievous stories with my son and try and encourage him to follow in my footsteps?”

Thorin laughed.  “So he can put you through the same grief you put me through, of course.”

“Grief?” Kili came over to sit by Fili.  “We never gave you a moment’s grief, did we Fili?”

“Well if that isn’t the biggest lie in all of creation, I don’t know what is,” Dwalin piped up.

Dis laughed.  Bilbo looked up from his plate and third piece of cake.  “I think I sense good story is coming on.”

“A story?  Borin came over to his father.  “Will you tell a story about a dragon?” he asked Fili.

“How about a story about your Adad when he was five?” Thorin asked Borin.

“I’m five!” Borin announced.

“Yes, when your Adad was your age and Uncle Kili was a new baby,” Thorin said.

Fili groaned.  “Oh no.  Not the one about me dragging Kili by the leg through the house.”

“The very same,” Thorin smiled.  “See, when Kili was just a few months old, Fili decided it was time to play with his brother in his room.  Dis had put Kili down on the floor to let him stretch and Fili took Kili, very carefully, by the leg and started to slowly drag Kili to his room.”

The crowd let out a burst of laughter.  Fili’s face turned red and Kili slapped him in the back.  Borin’s laugh rang out louder than the rest.

“What happened?  Was Sigin-Amad mad?” Borin asked, looking over to his father’s mother, who gave him a big smile.

“She was at first,” Throin said, “but Fili had been so gentle, she couldn’t stay mad for very long.”

Borin ran to his Amad and put his little hands over her swollen stomach.  “I’m going to be gentle, too.”

Beryl wiped her eyes with one hand and patted her son’s head with the other.

“He’s going to be a great big brother,” Kili said, looking at his own big brother with a smile.

Two weeks after Borin’s birthday, Kili knocked on the door that separated his home from Fili’s, but he didn’t wait for anyone to answer it.

“Fili?  Beryl?”

Fili came out of his bed room.  His normally perfect hair was like he had not yet combed it after waking.  For half a moment, Kili felt bad that he might have interrupted his brother from sleep or something else more personal, but then he remembered why he was calling out to Fili in the first place, and he didn’t care what he interrupted.

“Kee?” Fili asked.  “What is it?”

“It’s Amli!  She’s having birthing pains.”

Fili let out a hearty laugh.  “Mahal help us, so is Beryl.”

Thorin and Bilbo sat together in Fili’s sitting room.  Thorin would stand up, pace the room, and then sit down.  The two laboring dams, their husbands, Dis, the midwife and several attendants were back in Fili’s bedroom suite.

“Stay seated, Thorin,” Bilbo finally said with complete exasperation in his voice, “or I’m going to have to tie you to the chair.”

“Can’t help it,” Thorin muttered.

They had been waiting for hours on news of Beryl and Amli’s births.  At the request of the princesses, Fili and Kili had been allowed to be with their wives and lend them support. 

“What’s that?” Bilbo said.

Thorin stood up.  “What’s what?”

“Singing.  Do you hear it?   Someone is singing.  Thorin stood again, leaned closer towards the door and he could indeed hear it, the song of birth the attending dams sung to the mothers in labor. 

“The babies will be here soon.  Or, at least, one of them will,” Thorin smiled.  It was almost over and yet, it was the hardest part.  He prayed to Mahal for the hundredth time that day to let his two girls have the strength to bear their children and survive.

A baby’s cry soon pieced the air, but the singing continued.  The crying stopped after a few minutes, but the singing went on.  Thorin was sweating buckets now.  Even Bilbo looked completely on edge.  It might have been a minute later or it might have been hours, Thorin never was sure, but finally, a second cry rang in the air and the singing stopped.

“They’re both here,” Bilbo said, excitedly.

Thorin’s eyes never left the door that separated him from the rest of the family.  He sat perfectly still and waited for the news.  The door finally opened and Fili and Kili walked out, each carrying a bundle of blankets in their arms.  Thorin was on his feet in half a moment and standing in front of his nephews, who both wore identical smiles.

“Thorin, meet Korin, son of Fili.”  He passed his son into Thorin’s arms.  Thorin smiled and kissed the tiny head of blond hair. 

“And this, Thorin, is my daughter, Vakker,” Kili said, passing his own dark haired child into Thorin’s other arm. 

Thorin kissed her head.  “A prince and a princess,” he whispered.  “I will make an offering of thanks to Mahal this night.  They are so precious.  Korin and Vakker, welcome to the world.”

Bilbo was on his tip toes, trying to see the faces of his best friend’s nephews.  “And how are your wives?” he asked.

“Tired, but well and happy,” Kili answered.

“Who is the older of the two?” Bilbo asked.

“Korin,” Fili smiled.  “But not by much.  It seemed Vakker wasn’t going to be left behind.”

“Shall I go get Borin from Bofur and Ekla’s home?” Bilbo offered.

Fili nodded.  “Yes, please.  I know he is eager to meet his brother and cousin.”  Bilbo nodded and left.

Thorin had not been able to tear his eyes away from the faces of his great-nephew and great-niece. 

“The line of Durin has been blessed and will never die,” Thorin said.  “I am so proud of you, my boys.”

Fili and Kili sat down alongside their uncle, next to their children that he still held in his arms.  “Thank you, Uncle Thorin,” Kili said.  And for several minutes, Throin, King Under the Mountain, sat with his nephews and heirs on either side of him and the future heirs of Erebor in his arms.  Indeed, he had been greatly blessed and there was nothing in Erebor’s vast treasury that was worth more to him than those perfect dwarves he had the fortune to call his family.

FINIS

Note: Vakker means beautiful in Norwegian.