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Chapter Text

CHILDREN: C'mon Phoenix!
CHILDREN: We know you did it!
CHILDREN: Thief!
CHILDREN: Liar!
CHILDREN: You're the only one who could have stolen that dumb necklace!
CHILDREN: Sneak!

PHOENIX: I didn't steal anything!
PHOENIX: And it's NOT stupid.
PHOENIX: It obviously means a lot to her...

TEACHER: Phoenix...
TEACHER: Just return it and say you're sorry.

EDGEWORTH: OBJECTION
EDGEWORTH: This is a mockery of justice.
EDGEWORTH: In this country, it's innocent until proven guilty. Not the other way around.
TEACHER: But-
EDGEWORTH: Do you have any evidence that Wright is the culprit?
TEACHER: No, but-
MIA: So let him go!

MIA: Miles is right. There's no proof, so it wouldn't be fair.
EDGEWORTH: I appreciate your mature outlook on the matter.
MIA: Besides, I don't think Phoenix could have done it. He's way too much of a softy...
EDGEWORTH: And as for your necklace-
MIA: Don't worry. It'll turn off again if it's supposed to. If I need it to.
EDGEWORTH: . . . I see.

TEACHER: Mia, sweetie... Are you sure? And your parents won't be upset?
MIA: I'm sure. I've got a good feeling about this.

MIA: And so it turned out Larry had it the whole time!
MIA: Can you believe that?
PHOENIX: *Sigh* Yeah, I believe it alright.
PHOENIX: We've got a saying around here. When something smells-
EDGEWORTH: It's usually the Buttz.
MIA: Geez... seems a bit harsh.
PHOENIX: It's really not...
EDGEWORTH: Trust us.

PHOENIX: I can't believe you guys already know what you're gonna be when you grow up...
MIA: It's easy to know when you've got a family business.
EDGEWORTH: What, precisely is your family's business anyway?
MIA: I don't wanna talk about it. I'm on break from all that right now!
EDGEWORTH: Fair.
EDGEWORTH: If not infuriatingly vague.

MIA: I've never been to a sleepover before!
EDGEWORTH: M-me neither...
PHOENIX: HAH!
PHOENIX: I finally get to know more about something than you guys!

PHOENIX: But they're coming back...
PHOENIX: Right?

LETTER 1: so it [...] be awhile [...] I'm able t [...] Some day, I promise. Love, yellow!

LETTER 2: Phoenix - I miss you too so much you have no idea! My village is [...] there's barely anyone to talk to [...] I think i might leav [...] fu[] without [...] still,

LETTER 3: MILES!!! I hope your getting these letters! I know youre no[] replying because youre [...] not because you hate m[...] I miss you a lot and m[...] wont write anymore bu[...] I am still gonna try!!! ISNT it illeagle to re[...] else's mail? write m[...] ♥PHOEN[...]

LETTER 4: Miles - I'm writing to say goodbye. I w[...] haven't been answering Phoenix or I at [...] still feel like I owe it to you to to at le[...] My aunt is the worst! She's making m[...] NON-STOP, it's exhaustin. But anyway, how[...] I heard about what happened. I'm sorry I[...] She won't let me write anymore, says it's [...] that? So this will be the [...] and if [...]

LETTER 5: ☆ EARTH TO MILES ☆ WHERE ARE YOU! C[]e []ome. I need yo[] to come back [...] okay? Mia too. [...] Be like you [...]

TITLE: quantum meruit

Chapter Text

DIEGO: Well, it's about time to head in, Kitten.
MIA: (OH GOD WHAT AM I DOING) [Repeated]
DIEGO: Sharpen those claws of yours. It's go time!

MIA: (Calm down, Mia. The prosecutor is green too. You're fine!)
MIA: (Wait a minute, is that...)
MIA:(Miles Edgeworth?)
MIA: Miles, you're a -
EDGEWORTH: Miss Fey. It's been quite awhile.
EDGEWORTH: But let us not allow ancient history to taint this court's professionalism.
EDGEWORTH: I look forward to a spirited defense.

COURT RECORD
MIA: (This case...)
MIA: (Something...)
MIA: (Something isn't right about any of it...)

EDGEWORTH: I will not be outwitted by this... this NOVICE BIMBO!!
MIA: Hey! Same to you, buddy.
MIA: You've grown into a real spoiled brat.
EDGEWORTH: WATCH YOURSELF, FEY.
EDGEWORTH: You're going to regret copping such an attitude with me
EDGEWORTH: When your client hangs for it.
MIA: (DL-6... Did it do this to him?)
MIA: YOU'RE A MONSTER! You'd let an innocent man die just because I'm not willing to let you insult me? That's insane!

JUDGE: The defense has made some valid points -
JUDGE: GOOD HEAVENS! What's happening to the witness?
MIA: Mr. Fawles -
FAWLES: DON'T TRUST SELF...
MIA: No!
FAWLES: DAHLIA...
MIA: NO!
EDGEWORTH: (NO NO NO)

MIA: I've.... never seen someone die before. EDGEWORTH: Hmmph.
EDGEWORTH: Well, get used to it or get out of this particular line of work before you embarrass yourself.
MIA: Miles -
EDGEWORTH: PROSECUTOR EDGEWORTH.

MIA: Prosecutor Edgeworth.
MIA: What the hell happened to you?
EDGEWORTH: Reality happened, Fey. You wouldn't understand
MIA: Oh? I Wouldn't?
MIA: DL-6.
MIA: You're not the only person who had their life torn away by that miserable case. I'll let you connect the dots.

EDGEWORTH: YOU!
EDGEWORTH: You're of the same Fey family as that...
EDGEWORTH: FILTHY, LYING, CHARLATAN WITCH THAT-
BAILIFF: AHEM!

BAILIFF: Forgive me for interrupting.
BAILIFF: The coroner just finished.
BAILIFF: You're both free to go.
MIA: Th-thank you, bailiff.
EDGEWORTH: We'll be heading out now.

MIA: I wish I could say it was good to see you again, Edgeworth.
EDGEWORTH: Well, we don't always get what we want from life, do we, Fey?
MIA: *sigh* You're a real piece of work...
EDGEWORTH: Let's not make a habit of crossing paths.

IRIS: Feenie~
IRIS: Aren't you getting sick of this silly old thing?
PHOENIX: Of course I'm not!
PHOENIX: Though I think I'm starting to get sick in literal sense...
PHOENIX: Remind me to buy some cold medicine once I'm out of class.

Chapter Text

DOCTOR: He's not going to ever wake up.
MIA: (All because I couldn't do my job...)
MIA: (One dead. One worse than dead.)
MIA: (It's been months. How many more that I don't know about?)
MIA: (Come on, Mia. Focus. Cry when it's all over.)
MIA: (Well, these witness files aren't going to review themselves. I still haven't look at tomorrow's...)
MIA: (Oh shit. Shit.)
MIA: (...Tomorrow)

GROSSBERG: And you've already learned all the relevant facts?
MIA: Well about that.... You see... I mean, of course I have! I think.
MIA: (Wait a minute)
MIA: (Is that ...?)
MIA: Phoen-
PHOENIX: MIA!
PHOENIX: Ah - sorry! I shouldn't be hugging, I'm sick.

MIA: I can't believe it's you!
MIA: You got so TALL.
PHOENIX: Hah! Yeah, I guess I must seem pretty different after all this time...
MIA: No...
MIA: You seem just the same.

MIA: NOW LISTEN!
MIA: About your case...
MIA: I know you didn't do it. And I know who did.
MIA: I WILL SAVE YOU.

COURT RECORD
MIA: (Poor Phoenix...)
MIA: (It couldn't have happened to anyone who deserved it less.)
MIA: (And now I've got no choice but to crush that spark in him.)
MIA: (This is the price of truth.)

PHOENIX: Actually there's-
PHOENIX: one thing...
PHOENIX: Something I didn't say earlier...
PHOENIX: I'm so sorry.
MIA: Mr. Wright.
MIA: You're going to tell the truth now. All of it. This is your only chance.

PHOENIX (& Maya): I am so, so, so sorry I caused so much trouble.
MIA: Phoenix, it's okay.
PHOENIX: Can you ever forgive me?
MIA: For what? Lying?
PHOENIX: For acting like an idiot. For being more trouble than I'm worth. For not trusting you!

MIA: I'm not gonna pretend there weren't a few moments in there where I wanted to kill you myself.
PHOENIX: *Sniff*
MIA: But! What's really important to me is that you're safe.
MIA: C'mon. Lets go get something to drink. There's a place nearby that won't card us.

MIA: (Oh, Nick, Nick, Nick...)
MIA: (What to do about you?)

PHOENIX: I'M SORRY I SPILLED AN ENTIRE PITCHER OF BLOODY MARY ON YOUR WORK SUIT...
MIA: Let me keep the sweater and we'll call it even.
MIA: Your evil cunt girlfriend was awesome at knitting,
MIA: I've never been comfier.
PHOENIX: This is your apartment?
MIA: Yup. It's also my future office.

PHOENIX: What? Why both in one building?
MIA: I think the place is part of some sort of property tax scheme. But it's cheap!
MIA: So. Art school! That's fun. What's your major?
PHOENIX: I'm double majoring in theater with a focus in Shakespeare and illustration with a concentration in sequential art!

MIA: Plus law, on top of all that?
Phoenix: Yup.
MIA: How are you... alive?
PHOENIX: There's this guy in my dorm who sell his adderall...
MIA: GENIUS.

MIA: Wait, get up.
PHOENIX: URK!
MIA: I have an idea~!
PHOENIX: YES! Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

MIA: Oh my god we're so-
PHOENIX: So, so insanely drunk.
MIA: How...
MIA: did this happen...
PHOENIX: No clue!
MIA: *snort* hah... ha ha
PHOENIX: pfffffft hahaha
MIA: hehe he
PHOENIX: hahhhoh my goddd...
PHOENIX: My RA is going to draw and quarter me.

MIA: You can crash on the couch.
MIA: Don't fight me on this, just say thanks.
PHOENIX: Thanks, Mia.
PHOENIX: It's been one hell of a day.
MIA: Yeah, well...

MIA: There's gonna be more days like this one, Nick.
MIA: Being a lawyer's not easy...
PHOENIX: Don't try and talk me out of it!
MIA: I wasn't! Calm down!
MIA: I don't think you're capable of being talked out of anything. PHOENIX: Sorry... It's just, no one thinks I can do it.

PHOENIX: They never outright say it, but I know it's what they mean.
PHOENIX: What do you think? Be honest,
PHOENIX: Do I even stand a chance?

MIA: I think someone stubborn enough to eat glass is gonna do whatever he wants, regardless of what I or anyone else thinks about it.
MIA: Now get some sleep.

MIA: (My magatama has been making a fuss all night...)
MIA: (That's rare...)
MIA: (I wasn't sure it still had juice.)
MIA: (What are you trying to tell me, huh?)

Chapter Text

MIA: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmm?
NOTE: MIA - Had to run - Early classes, didn't want to wake you up. Thanks so much again. Call me! Uh only if you want to. CYA! MAYBE! - NICK !
MIA: Hey, Gumshoe!
MIA: Yeah, sorry to bother you so early.
MIA: Mmm... Mhm... Anyway,
MIA: I'm calling to ask a favor.
MIA: I need a case file delivered to Prosecutor Edgeworth.

GUMSHOE: Mr. Edgeworth, Sir!
EDGEWORTH: Yes, detective?
GUMSHOE: Mia Fey - from Grossberg law - asked me to deliver a case file to you.
EDGEWORTH: Oh? I wasn't aware you were on favor terms with Ms. Fey.

GUMSHOE: Oh yeah, she spends a bunch of time at the station. Everyone loves her!
EDGEWORTH: I wouldn't think the police would have such fondness for someone whose job is getting criminals off the hook.
GUMSHOE: Well, she mostly just files paperwork these days...
GUMSHOE: But the strange thing is, I think all the old guard wish she was still practicing!

EDGEWORTH: Hmph!
EDGEWORTH: What could be so special about that-
EDGEWORTH: That sideshow attraction of a defense attorney.

GUMSHOE: They say she "reminds them of Greg." Some old defense attorney, before my time. But supposedly a great guy!
GUMSHOE: You ever heard of him, sir?
EDGEWORTH: I-in passing.
GUMSHOE: I figured! You probably know all of the bigshots. Anyway, they say you only get an attorney like that once in a generation.
GUMSHOE: Based on what Detective Badd has said, the guy died kinda young...
GUMSHOE: But his spirit lives on in Mia Fey!

EDGEWORTH: THE NEXT TIME YOU BRING ME A CASE WITH MIA FEY'S NAME ON IT EDGEWORTH: IT HAD BETTER BE BECAUSE SHE IS THE VICTIM.
GUMSHOE: U-understood, Sir!

EDGEWORTH: Get out.

MIA: Edgew-
EDGEWORTH: We have nothing to discuss.

MIA: Come in!

PHOENIX: Hey!
MIA: (He looks rough.)
MIA: Hey yourself!
MIA (Still, though, he seems like way less of a wreck than I'd have guessed.)
MIA: (Than I would have been...)
MIA: (I guess some people don't need to sulk for eight straight months.)

PHOENIX: Um, Mia, I-
MIA: It's my treat, don't worry.
PHOENIX: Thanks, but I-
MIA: Shh...
MIA: Lunch first, then talking.
MIA: Looks like you've been having a rough couple of weeks.
PHOENIX: Um...
PHOENIX: Well...
PHOENIX: Yeah, a bit...

STUDENTS: We saw Dollie in jail. she told us what you did.
STUDENTS: Get your stuff OUT of here.
PHOENIX: I didn't kill anybody! She-
STUDENTS: You're really gonna claim Dollie killed a man in cold blood? Save it!
STUDENTS: Don't show your face outside of class, you'll regret it.

ADVISOR: I'm sorry, Mr. Wright.
ADVISOR: Switching majors isn't an option unless you allow your scholarships to be revoked.
ADVISOR: You'll have to finish the program you're in or backpay the full tuition.

PHOENIX: But I don't want to talk about all that right now.
MIA: Well, what did you want to talk about, then?
PHOENIX: Umm.... Well....
PHOENIX: Hold on,
PHOENIX: Stand up.

PHOENIX: Please take me on as your apprentice!
MIA: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
MIA: Well,
MIA: okay.
PHOENIX: REALLY?

MIA: Really.
MIA: But it's going to be hard-
PHOENIX: Okay.
MIA: And it's going to be dangerous-
PHOENIX: Fine!
MIA: And it's going to break you!
PHOENIX: I don't care! I'll do anything.
PHOENIX: No matter what the cost is!
MIA: Then we've got celebrating to do!

Chapter Text

MIA: I'll be opening my firm soon.
PHOENIX: Wow, really? Already?
MIA: Yep. It's time for a change.
PHOENIX: When girls say that, don't they normally mean they're gonna get bangs?

MIA: I already have bangs.
PHOENIX: You could cut them off.
MIA: You don't cut bangs off, cutting them off just gives you more bangs.
MIA: You grow them out.
PHOENIX: That makes sense
PHOENIX: You could do that!
MIA: Maybe...

MIA: Y'know, Rookie, you're pretty good at this!
PHOENIX: Thanks! I learned from some guys at school.
MIA: Ever think of making some cash off it?
PHOENIX: N-no way!
PHOENIX: I'm not THAT good.

MIA: Shame! You can make good money with a deck of cards if you know what you're doing.
PHOENIX: Ooh!
MIA: Want to see how I do it?
PHOENIX: Yes!

MIA: Pick ten.
PHOENIX: Is this... a tarot spread?
MIA: Yup.
PHOENIX: You can do it with normal playing cards?

MIA: Sorta. It's got limits.
PHOENIX: Sooo...
MIA: So?
PHOENIX: Are you psychich or something?
MIA: Nah.
PHOENIX: Wouldn't that be so cool though?

MIA: Well, it would, but psychics don't actually exist.
PHOENIX: Pfft, how would you know.
MIA: Because, chump. I've got real ESP.
PHOENIX: oh, I see. Well, excuuuse me for doubting you!
MIA: Aaand... that'll do it. Let's see what the future hold for Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney.

MIA: Well well well!
MIA: This is certainly... Something.
PHOENIX: I've got a king, is that good?
MIA: Most cards aren't good or bad on their own right.
PHOENIX: Well that's nice...

MIA: That ten though? that one's just plain bad.
PHOENIX: Oh. Well what about the rest?
MIA: The rest is
MIA: well...
MIA: Hmm.
MIA: Nick?
PHOENIX: Yeah?
MIA: ...Why do you want to be a lawyer?

PHOENIX: Why do you want to be a lawyer?
PHOENIX: I seem to recall some sort of family business.
MIA: Passing the buck and dodging the question?
MIA: Good job, Rookie. You've been listening!

MIA: Jerk.
PHOENIX: haha
PHOENIX: stop!
MIA: I'll tell you what. Win your first case.
PHOENIX: stooop!
PHOENIX: haha!
MIA: Once you're a real lawyer, I'll tell you everything.
PHOENIX: Okay, okay!
PHOENIX: Uncle!

PHOENIX: Objection! I - um, ah -
MIA: You forgot again, didn't you?
PHOENIX: No!
PHOENIX: ...
PHOENIX: Yeah.

MIA: Rookie, you're not being aggressive enough!
PHOENIX: Sorry!
MIA: STOP apologizing.
PHOENIX: S-sorry!
MIA: *sigh*

PHOENIX: Sorry.
MIA: ...Wright.

MIA: Phoenix.
MIA: Do it right this time.

MIA: Again.
PHOENIX: I don't know.

MIA: Nick. I can't help you if you're not gonna listen to my advice.
MIA: You told me you'd do anything. Whatever it took!
PHOENIX: I'm trying! This is the best I can do.
MIA: No it isn't.
MIA: I know you're not as stupid as you let people believe you are.
MIA: Why are you still holding back on me?
PHOENIX: I can't even take myself seriously...
PHOENIX: How can I expect anyone else to?
MIA: JUST FAKE IT!
MIA: They teach you acting at that fancy school, right?
PHOENIX: ...Yeah.
MIA: You any good?
PHOENIX: ...Yeah.
MIA: Then start acting like a damn lawyer!
PHOENIX: ...Okay.

[MIA: No more crying.]
[MIA: You can try when it's all over.]
[MIA: And smile!]
[MIA: No matter how bad it gets.
[MIA: You're all your client has.]

PHOENIX: Mornin', Chief!
MIA: Now, what on earth is all this?
PHOENIX: This is...
PHOENIX: PHOENIX WRIGHT, ACE ATTORNEY!
PHOENIX: Be honest, what do you think.
MIA: It's perfect.
MIA: Now let's get to work!

Chapter Text

August 3, 9:47 AM
District Court
Defendant Lobby No. 2

MIA: Taking Larry as your first client is... brave.
MIA: Sure you're okay?
PHOENIX: H-hey, I'm sure it'll be a breeze!
PHOENIX: Hopefully...
MIA: Well, if it's not, I'll be here to help, okay?
PHOENIX: Thanks, M-I, uh, Chief!
MIA: You're a lawyer now, Wright. Let's see what you've got!

COURT RECORD

Not Guilty

MIA: Great job in there! How about dinner to celebrate tonight?
MIA: My treat.
PHOENIX: Sounds great! And you can finally tell me why you decided to become a lawyer.
MIA: I can't believe you remember that, we were so drunk...
PHOENIX: You seem to remember just fine.
MIA: Yeah, well, I'm not a lightweight.

MIA: But fine. I was still planning to tell you. And I want your reason as well. I have a feeling they're...
MIA: Adjacent.
PHOENIX: Vague and cryptic as always, chief. I'm fine with a quid-pro-quo.
MIA: And you're finally going to get to meet my little sister!
PHOENIX: Sorry, your - WHAT!?
MIA: Okay, 9:00! Don't be late! Bye!
PHOENIX: Wait!

PHOENIX: [Uh oh, I'm late.]
MAYA: Sis!
MAYA: Sis?
PHOENIX: . . . !
PHOENIX: Chief?
PHOENIX: Chief...?
PHOENIX: ...Mia?

Fey, Mia

EDGEWORTH: Detective, when I said I wanted-
GUMSHOE: I-I know, Sir! This case assignment is coming directly from Chief Prosecutor Skye.
EDGEWORTH: ...I see. Alright then. Call it a night, Gumshoe.
GUMSHOE: Yes, sir!

LANA: Edgeworth... Rare to hear from you unprompted.
EDGEWORTH: Forgive my untimely imposition, but I felt compelled to inquire what your intentions were when assigning me the Fey case.
LANA: ...You're our best prosecutor. I'd like this one wrapped up. That's all. If there's a more personal connection fueling your "inquiry" it's nothing I'm privy to.
EDGEWORTH: Very well. And you're confident with indicting this younger sister? It seems somewhat unlikely.

MIA [FLASHBACK]: -Actually get to see your sister. In my family, it's just one murder after another and-
LANA: How so? Family kill each other all the time.
EDGEWORTH: That wasn't-
LANA: This is the case we're building. If you don't feel capable, I'll reassign it for you.
EDGEWORTH: That won't be necessary.

EDGEWORTH: I will be conducting this investigation myself.
GUMSHOE: R-really, sir?
EDGEWORTH: Don't make me tell you twice.
EDGEWORTH: [I WON'T REST UNTIL I'VE INSPECTED EVERY SUSPICIOUS LOOKING NOOK AND CRANNY.]

Chapter Text

GUMSHOE: Sir! We've already checked. The other rooms don't have anything.

EDGEWORTH: It simply pays to be thorough.

[BEATEN UNCONSCIOUS] Does a teen girl have enough strength for this?

[Skye's Request]

[SIGNS OF A STRUGGLE] ...But not that much. Fey was thoroughly outmatched.

[Maya Fey]

EDGEWORTH: This is... Nick, from school. It was short for something odd... What was it again?

EDGEWORTH: Good grief. It doesn't matter. Are you losing your nerve? Pull yourself together.

EDGEWORTH: Think, for christ's sake. It's all you're good for. Focus on the facts of the case.

EDGEWORTH: This case... something.... something isn't right about any of it.

EDGEWORTH: SO THEN, THINK. 

EUREKA!

EDGEWORTH: It doesn't matter.

EDGEWORTH: I was always going to go through with it.

EDGEWORTH: This is the job.

EDGEWORTH: The finer details are of no concern.

MIA: (Hm.)

MIA: (Slightly inconvenient.)

GREG: You're just in time for the trial.

MIA: ...

MIA: Mr. Edgeworth!

GREG: Please, no need for formalities. Greg's fine.

GREG: How are you, dear?

MIA: Bad! You?

GREG: Bad!

MIA: Wait, what trial?

GREG: Uh.

GREG: Why don't we sit down first.

MIA: Oh boy. 

PHOENIX: (Smile.)

PHOENIX: (You can cry when it's all over.) 

EDGEWORTH: Remind me, Detective. Who is the unfortunate creature masquerading as opposing council this time?

GUMSHOE: He's got a funny name I can't remember.

GUMSHOE: But he's a rookie, Sir! It's gonna be a breeze.

EDGEWORTH: Well you may be-

EDGEWORTH:Wright..

EDGEWORTH: (Ah.)

EDGEWORTH: (Phoenix Wright...)

EDGEWORTH: (That was it.)

EDGEWORTH: (Difficult to forget.)

EDGEWORTH: (He was...)

EDGEWORTH: (A complete moron.)

MIA: When... did we get to the courthouse?

GREG: We've always been here.

MIA: Oh. Sorry, I'm... Very very fuzzy.

MIA: Being only half in makes it hard.

GREG: I can't imagine it's pleasant!

MIA: Nope.

GREG: Is there anything I can do to help?

MIA: No, not you. 

MIA: It's all up to them now...

MIA: On this side, you just watch and wait...

GREG: I'm so sorry.

MIA: Don't be. S'not your fault.

GREG: Sometimes I can't help but feel like all of it is. 

JUDGE: Court is now in session for the trial of Maya Fey

EDGEWORTH: The prosecution is ready, your honor.

PHOENIX: The defense is also ready, your honor.

PHOENIX: (Miles Edgeworth... I'd better not show any signs of weakness today or he'll be on me in an instant.)

Chapter Text

GREG: Is your boy over there ready for this?
MIA: Nope.
MIA: Not even a little bit. But he'll do it anyway.
MIA: What about yours?
GREG: Ah, I'm afraid he's as ready as he ever is.
MIA: That SMUG, ARROGANT, CONDESCENDING LITTLE-
MIA: Ah! Oh. Um. Sorry.
GREG: Hah! ...It's quite alright

GREG: He's not himself these days.
MIA: He's... Certainly something.
MIA: That's for sure.
MIA: ...
MIA: Greg?
MIA: Can I... ask you an insensitive question?

EDGEWORTH: [Illegible]
EDGEWORTH: The prosecution has evidence she committed this murder-
PHOENIX: OBJECTION!
PHOENIX: Mia Fey isn't dead! You can't call this a murder.
EDGEWORTH: Hmph.
EDGEWORTH: A mere technicality.
EDGEWORTH: You honor, the victim is fully braindead. The prosecution intends to have this tried as a murder.

GREG: I don't see why not.

[SFX: CLANG!]

[Note text: When my sister couldnt [...] contradictions in witness [..] she would bluff and press the [...] on every detail! The witness always slips up and says something wrong... It worked lots of times!]

MIA: Did Yanni Yogi
MIA: Really shoot you?
GREG: ...No, he didn't.
MIA: I...

MIA: I was really hoping that wouldn't be your answer...
MIA: All these years I told myself, at least she did her job.
MIA: It was worth it, if it was for the truth.

PHOENIX: It... it could have been me!
GUMSHOE: What! S-so it was you!
PHOENIX: No, no, no.
PHOENIX: I'm just saying it COULD have been me. Can you prove it wasn't?
EDGEWORTH: OBJECTION!
EDGEWORTH: Hold on, so you admit to this?
EDGEWORTH: You admit you wrote the note?
PHOENIX: Uh...

GREG: But you understand why I had to lie,
GREG: don't you?
MIA: ...Of course I do. I-
MIA: Wait, hold on.
MIA: What are they doingright now?

EDGEWORTH: Listen to me, Mr. Wright, this is a court of law and I expect you to refrain from making thoughtless statements!
EDGEWORTH: AMATEUR!

PHOENIX:
[You're a sham, Edgeworth!]
[The detective's a sham!]
[I'm a sham!]
APRIL: Ice coffee? You know? Like normal coffee, but COLD. If you don't drink it quick, the ice melts and then you have...
APRIL: regular cold coffee.
PHOENIX: I-ice coffee...!?

GREG:He really...
APRIL: I-impossible! Everything is sold in stores!
PHOENIX: regular cold coffee.

EDGEWORTH: I object! That was...objectionable!
MIA: ...Speaking of people who are good lawyers.
GREG: *Sigh*

MIA: We've managed to dance around it so far.
MIA: Greg, I  know that case.
MIA: I've made myself sick and crazy poring over it until I can't think straight.
MIA: Forward and backward. Ever angle. In my sleep, I know it.

MIA: And one thing's certain:
MIA: There were only ever three people in that elevator.

GREG: It was an accident, he-
MIA: I know, I know.
MIA: I'd never think... I mean he was nine. 
GREG: The thing that happened on that day...
GREG: Even if it was the end of everything for me...
GREG: I didn't want it to be the end for him too.

GREG: He's hurt, and he's lost, but he's not beyond saving.
MIA: It's difficult to save someone who doesn't seem to want it.

GREG: Surely you've realized by now...
GREG: The kind of people who, for whatever reason, won't - or maybe can't - ask someone to help them
GREG: ... are almost always the people who need it most.

MIA: Hah! Touché.

MIA:For what it's worst, I hope you're right about him.
GREG: I still believe in my son.
MIA: And I believe in Phoenix.
MIA: I think that's why he's here.
MIA: And if anyone on the planet has a chance of pulling it off, it's him.
MIA: ... I just hope that he's not too late.

PHOENIX: "Too late"? I suppose you'd like it if it was too late, wouldn't you... After all, it was you who hid the presence of the other man from this court!
EDGEWORTH: Oof! Upstart... amateur...! These accusation are... ludicrous!

JUDGE: Enough!
JUDGE: The court acknowledges the defense's argument. I expect the prosecution and defense to look into this matter full! Am I understood?
EDGEWORTH: Yes.. *Gasp* Yes, your honor.
JUDGE: That is all today for the trial of Maya Fey. Court is adjourned!

Chapter Text

MAYA: Mr Wright! You were amazing in there.
PHOENIX: R-really?
MAYA: I think I might be your newest fan.
PHOENIX: Oh. I was just "doing my job" you know... heh heh.
MAYA: Then again, that other attorney was pretty cool too.
PHOENIX: Huh?
MAYA: That face of his! With his wide eyes, and trembling lips! It sent shivers up my spine.
PHOENIX: If you say so...

PHOENIX: It's not something I can claim to understand... But you and Mr. White are lovers, aren't you!
GROSSBERG: W-w-what! My boy!
PHOENIX: I... I don't understand how you could...
GROSSBERG: ...

WHITE: So, what business does a "mighty lawyer"
WHITE: have with man such as myself?

WHITE: It appears you do not fully grasp your position here.
WHITE: I ask again. Who are you?
PHOENIX: Um... huh? A lawyer?
WHITE: No, my feeble friend. A "mere" lawyer. Worth nothing.
WHITE: Zilch. Zippo. Nada!

WHITE: Heed my exposition!
WHITE: The police.
WHITE: The courts.
WHITE: They all do my bidding.

PHOENIX: So you say, but...
PHOENIX: Is such control even possible?

LANA: Edgeworth.
EDGEWORTH: Ms. Skye.
EDGEWORTH: It's quite late. Has something happened?

LANA: As a matter of fact, yes. We're indicting a new defendant in the Fey trial tomorrow.
EDGEWORTH: Hmph. A bit late... but I'll manage. Who?
LANA: Her protegé. The rookie attorney.
EDGEWORTH: Wright!? But he couldn't - urgh. No, no, nevermind.
LANA: ...Do you have something to say?
EDGEWORTH: Not a thing.

EDGEWORTH: Consider it done.

PHOENIX: I can't breathe!
MIA: Phoenix. Calm down.
PHOENIX: But I can't breathe!
MIA: It gets worse when you panic.
EDGEWORTH: [Shut up.]
EDGEWORTH: [Shut up.]

EDGEWORTH: [I can't think with all this noise

MIA: Hey... you ok, Miles?

MIA: Stop joking around. That's dangerous-
EDGEWORTH: Shut up.

MIA: Hey, Miles-

EDGEWORTH: Take it.
PHOENIX: I don't... understand...
PHOENIX: Why are you doing this?

EDGEWORTH: Me? I think you'll find I haven't done a thing.
EDGEWORTH: You, on the other hand, are likely headed for the gallows.
PHOENIX: What!?

EDGEWORTH: You heard me. All of the evidence will point to you. The motive, the weapon, the ballistic markings.
PHOENIX: B-ballistic markings?
EDGEWORTH? Aren't you supposed to be an attorney? How do you not know about ballistic markings.
EDGEWORTH: They're like the-

EDGEWORTH: FINGERPRINTS OF THE GUN

EDGEWORTH: [good god.]
EDGEWORTH: [That was so heavyhanded I'm almost embarrassed by my subconscience's unsubtlety.]

EDGEWORTH: [At least this will be over today.]
EDGEWORTH: [And after that I'll never spare another stray thought for Phoenix Wright again.]

Chapter Text

September 9, 9:52 AM

District Court Defendant Lobby No 1.

MAYA: Well... I guess this is it!
PHOENIX: Yeah. One way or another, this case gets decided today

MAYA: Aaa! Ph-Phoenix! Look!
PHOENIX: . . . ! Prosecutor... Edgeworth.

EDGEWORTH: I receive a call from the public prosecutor's office yesterday.
PHOENIX: ?
EDGEWORTH: She told me that whatever Mr. White says today, it will be the "absolute truth."
EDGEWORTH: No matter how you try to attack his testimony... If I raise an objection, I have it on good faith that the judge will listen to me.
PHOENIX: [What, does White have the judge in his pocket too!?]
PHOENIX: So... you're saying I'm going to be guilty. End of story?
EDGEWORTH: ...I will do anything to get my guilty verdict, Mr. Wright. Anything

MAYA: Why... Why!?
MAYA: How can you torment an innocent person like this?
EDGEWORTH: "Innocent"...?
EDGEWORTH: How can we know that? The guilty will always lie to avoid being found out.
EDGEWORTH: There's no way to tell who's guilty and who's innocent.
EDGEWORTH: All that I can hope to do is get every defendant declared "guilty"! So I make that my policy.

PHOENIX: Edgeworth... You've changed.
MAYA: Hmm? Phoenix! You know him?
EDGEWORTH: Don't expect any special treatment, Phoenix Wright.

MAYA: Ph-Phoenix?
PHOENIX: Well... court will be opening for session soon.
MAYA: What? But wait! Your defense attorney isn't even here yet! He's not...

PHOENIX: I'll be defending myself.

MAYA: Whaaaat!?
PHOENIX: Okay, let's do this.

EDGEWORTH: Please state your full name.
WHITE: You with to know the title of my personage?
EDGEWORTH: Err... Your name?

WHITE: Yes! That is what I said!
WHITE: Oh dear, do my locutions confuse?
EDGEWORTH: NAME!

PHOENIX: [These two are great together...]

PHOENIX: [If I can't rip this guy's testimony apart, I'm done for. Why do I always feel like it's the end of the world and I'm the last man standing?]

WHITE: Ho hoh hoh! I hope you have made peace with your God, Mr. Laywer!
PHOENIX: ...!
MAYA: Let him have it, Phoenix!

[COURT RECORD]

WHITE: It was the beginning of September... the week before the murder.
MIA: Yes! That's it!
MIA: As soon as he presents the other side of the receipt, he-
MIA: ...

MIA: Oh my god.
MIA: He didn't flip it over!!

MIA: We talked about this, Phoenix.
MIA: We had this discussion so, so many times...

EDGEWORTH: Tsk tsk. I'm afraid that's as far as you go, Mr. Wright. The time has come for you to admit your defeat!
EDGEWORTH: You fought... honorably.
JUDGE: Mr. Wright? Are you giving up?

MIA: Both sides. Every time.

PHOENIX: ...Y-yes, your honor.

MIA: Maya...

MIA: That's my girl!!

MIA: A Fey until the bitter end.

MIA: Okay, let's see what we can do here.
MIA: Knock knock, coming in.
MIA: Just gonna borrow this for a moment, sis.

MIA: PHOENIX... PHOEN
MIA: WAKE UP ROOKIE... C'MON

PHOENIX: M-Maya...? You sounded just like...
MIA: Listen, Phoenix, we don't have much time. I'm not fully dead yet, so I can't be fully channeled.
PHOENIX: Mia... Maya is... channeling you?
MIA: That's right. I'm Maya, but I'm also Mia. And you can't give up! Maya never did, and neither can you.
MIA: You've already won.

PHOENIX: Your honor, please give me one more chance. I promise you, this is the last time ill ask you!

JUDGE: Hmm... But has Mr. Edgeworth has noted, the trial is more or less finished.
JUDGE: Mr. Edgeworth, do you have an opinion on this matter?

EDGEWORTH: (Look at him.)
EDGEWORTH: I say...
EDGEWORTH: (A familiar sight... a rookie grasping at straws.)
EDGEWORTH: Let us give Mr. Wright his "last chance."
EDGEWORTH: (I'm a sporting man, Mr. Wright. When you hang, remember you asked for the rope yourself.)

JUDGE: Very well. 
JUDGE: You may now begin your cross examination.

Not Guilty

Chapter Text

[Von Karma]

EDGEWORTH: Sir, I-
FRANZISKA: Miles Edgeworth.
FRANZISKA: You should be ashamed of yourself.

EDGEWORTH: Franziska.
EDGEWORTH: Glad to see you're in high spirits as usual.

FRANZISKA: Enough small talk.
FRANZISKA: I have a message from Papa.
FRANZISKA: "You will fix this."

EDGEWORTH: I know. I'm ot some child who needs to be told to clean up after myself.
FRANZISKA: Good.

*click*

September 10th
10:41 AM
Fey & Co. Law Offices

MAYA: Hey Nick, what's gonna happen now?
PHOENIX: Huh? I've got no idea. Just go ask your cards or something.
MAYA: ...Cards?

PHOENIX: Y'know, the tarot cards? It's a spirit medium thing, right?
SLIIIIDE
MAYA: Nope.
MAYA: Sis must have picked that up out here.

PHOENIX: Huh. How about that... I never asked.
MAYA: Doesn't make much sense. Fortunetelling isn't real - why bother...?

PHOENIX: No idea.
PHOENIX: But I don't need to be a fortune teller to know we're gonna miss the bus if we don't leave soon.
MAYA: Your shoe's still untied.
PHOENIX: Damn it.

tap tap tap tap tap tap

"She's not going to ever wake up."

PHOENIX: [If I had just showed up on time for once...]
PHOENIX: No, c'mon, I can't think like that! Chief says no looking back.
PHOENIX: Not when there's people who need help right in front of you. When there's work to be done

PHOENIX: Come on, Phoenix. Focus! Cry when it's all over!

PHOENIX: Her savings are gonna have to go to medical bills... Then there's rent on the office... Utilities; electric, internet, water... And Maya-

MAYA: Um... Nick.
PHOENIX: Oh! What's up?
PHOENIX: Sorry... spaced out there.

PHOENIX: What is it?
MAYA: ...
PHOENIX: Maya...
MAYA: We...

MAYA: We're gonna...
PHOENIX: Gonna what?
MAYA: ...
MAYA: Hey, what's in the briefcase?

PHOENIX: Oh!
PHOENIX: I, Uh, thought we could hang them up.
PHOENIX: Maybe it'd brighten the place up a little.

PHOENIX: Did you know that if you fold 1000 paper cranes you can make a wish?
MAYA: Mr. Wright...

MAYA: We're supposed to pull the plug.

PHOENIX: Well,
PHOENIX: We're not going to do that.

Chapter Text

MAYA: We have to... A body without a spirit... isn't...
MAYA: She's already gone.
PHOENIX: Actually we don't "have to" do anything

PHOENIX: I have medical power of attorney. It's my decision.
MAYA: Did she ever say what she'd want if something like this happened?
PHOENIX: ...
MAYA: ...

PHOENIX: Yes...
PHOENIX: She did, but-
PHOENIX: Maya, she never gave up on me.
PHOENIX: I can't give up on her...

PHOENIX: Plus, um, think of it this way!

PHOENIX: It's not like we're making some big decision...
PHOENIX: We're just taking some time to think on everything, right?
PHOENIX: There's no rush.

MAYA: Well... I mean, that sounds pretty reasonable to me!
MAYA: You're a convincing guy, Mr. Wright.

PHOENIX: You can call me Phoenix, if you want to.
MAYA: How about I call you Nick! Mia said thats what your friends call you.
MAYA: Now, lets pick these up, Nick.

May 15th, 1:48 PM
Pandera Bread

November 1, 3:27 AM
Fey Manor

MAYA: Sis...
MAYA: What are you doing with all of that money?

MIA: I'm... I... I'm gonna be leaving soon.
MIA: I'm going to go find mom and bring her home.

MAYA: You're going away too...
MAYA: I'll be all alone?
MORGAN: Girls...

MORGAN: You're both up awfully late, aren't you?
MIA: Maya, go wait in your room.
MAYA: But-!

PHOENIX: She... she was our waitress this morning.
MIA: Look alive, rookie.
MIA: The body won't investigate itself.

PHOENIX: Body!? That's a person!
PHOENIX: We talked to her just a few hours ago.

MIA: I know it's hard, Phoenix, but you'll get used to this kind of thing.

PHOENIX: I'm not sure I want to get used to it.
MIA: Listen.

MIA: Like it or not, people turn into bodies when they die,
MIA: and you get used to it.

MIA: Go to your room, okay?
MIA: I'll come get you soon.

MAYA: Hey, Nick, have you folded 1000 paper cranes before this?
PHOENIX: Yeah, once, when I was a kid.

MAYA: Well!?
PHOENIX: Well what?
MAYA: Well what about your wish obviously! Did it come true?

PHOENIX: Oh! Um, yeah, more or less!
PHOENIX: (... But this time, I might need something stronger than a wish.)
PHOENIX: (I think I need a miracle.)

SUN | MON | TUES | WEDS | THURS | F

Sticky note:
•more juice
•flour for bread
•cup ramen
•mac + cheese
•milk
•eggs
•ICE CREAM <- NO

Put air in bike tires

☆ hang out with ☆ MAYA! (rude!)
<- We already hang out all the time
Your handwriting sucks!

???: All alone today, huh?
PHOENIX: Yep.

???: Hey, where's your friend?
PHOENIX: She's busy.

MAIL CHECK!

•Do laundry

cc bill due

Visiting hours changed!

???: Haven't seen you around in awhile.
???: Where's the hot one?

ngeles Electric DATE 9/28/16
Amount Due ... 247.83
[PAST DUE]

♥Maya
okay this is pretty good...

club wants you in - replacement shift 4 their guy?

RING RING

MAYA: N-N-Nick!!!
PHOENIX: Maya? What? It's still early...
MAYA: I-its the Steel Samurai! The Steel Samurai got arrested!

PHOENIX: Huh? You mean that guy on that show?
MAYA: Yes! They're saying that the Steel Samurai killed a villain!
PHOENIX: ... Um... isn't that what he's supposed to do?
MAYA: Yeah, on TV!
PHOENIX: Yeah. On TV.

MAYA: No! I mean he actually did it! In real life!
MAYA: He skewered a villain with his samurai spear!

PHOENIX: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about.
MAYA: Just come to the office, quick! Please, Nick!

STEEL SAMURAI BEHIND IRON BARS?

EDGEWORTH: Good heavens, what's this country coming to?

Chapter Text

W E L C O M E

PHOENIX: ...
JUDGE: Yes, Mr. Wright?
PHOENIX: I was hoping I'd come up with a question while I was pounding on my desk.

PHOENIX: I didn't.

JUDGE: ...You have my sympathies.
JUDGE: As it seems there are no further questions... I would like to end the cross examination of the witness, Ms Vasquez.
EDGEWORTH: Objection!
EDGEWORTH: [What are you doing?]
EDGEWORTH: {Have you lost your mind?]

JUDGE: Yes, Mr. Edgeworth?

EDGEWORTH: [SHUT ... SHUT UP YOU MORON! WHAT IN G...S NAME ARE ... ?]
EDGEWORTH: I was hoping I'd come up with a question while I was objecting, your honor.
EDGEWORTH: [I can't let a killer get away...]
EDGEWORTH: ... I didn't.

EDGEWORTH: [Why do you suddenly care?]

EDGEWORTH: [I'm a prosecutor.]
EDGEWORTH: [I catch killers.]

EDGEWORTH: [You win cases.]

EDGEWORTH: [Will Powers is innocent.]

EDGEWORTH: [Losing two cases in a row...]
EDGEWORTH: [To that man?]
EDGEWORTH: [What will Von Karma think?]

EDGEWORTH: [I'm sorry.]
EDGEWORTH: [I'm so sorry.]

EDGEWORTH: Your Honor!!!
EDGEWORTH: I have an objection to the witness's last statement.

EDGEWORTH: [Oh no, I don't think you're sorry at all.]
EDGEWORTH: [But you will be. Just wait.]

JUDGE: I see... Mr. Wright.

PHOENIX: Yes, your honor?

NOT GUILTY!

JUDGE: It appears you have brought about yet another miracle.

EDGEWORTH: ...Say something, Wright. I'm not good at small talk.

PHOENIX: Huh? What? ... Umm... that was too bad, Edgeworth!
EDGEWORTH: You don't waste any time gloating, do you?

PHOENIX: No... I really wanted to thank you. Vasquez would have gotten away if you hadn't stepped in.
POWERS: And, uh, please to meet you! I'm Powers. *sniff*
EDGEWORTH: Ah, er, Edgeworth. I'm a big fan of your work, Mr. Powers.

EDGEWORTH: ...Wright, I must say. I hadn't expected to meet you again after all these years.
MAYA: Meet "again"...?
EDGEWORTH: However. In retrospect, it would have been better had we not met.
EDGEWORTH: Thank to you, I am saddled with

EDGEWORTH: Unnecessary ...feelings.

PHOENIX: Unnecessary feelings?

EDGEWORTH: Yes. Unease...
EDGEWORTH: [How man lives have I ruined?]
EDGEWORTH: [How many deserved it?]

EDGEWORTH: and uncertainty.
EDGEWORTH: [My career is over.]
EDGEWORTH: [My life is over.]

*shrug*

PHOENIX: Aren't those kind of necessary?

EDGEWORTH: [...And yet he can somehow stand here, talking to me like I'm a person.]

EDGEWORTH: They only serve to get in my way.

EDGEWORTH: You listen to me, Phoenix Wright.
EDGEWORTH: Don't ever show your face in front of me again.
PHOENIX: ...
EDEGWORTH: That's what I came here to tell you.

POWERS: Umm... Mr. Wright? Is... this guy your friend?
MAYA: What? Friends? As if! They're rivals! Rivals! Right, Nick?

PHOENIX: For now we are... I guess.
PHOENIX: Could you guys give us a moment?
MAYA: Aww what! Fine.

EDGEWORTH: ...Did you want something, Wright?
PHOENIX: Have you visited Mia in the hospital yet?
EDGEWORTH: What! You mean she's still-
PHOENIX: Yeah.

PHOENIX: Anyway, your uh, "feelings" about me aside, you should visit.
PHOENIX: You owe her that much.

EDGEWORTH: What...
EDGEWORTH: What makes you say that?

PHOENIX: Well, the two of oyu seemed really close back when your dad let her stay with you.
PHOENIX: It was a few months at least, right?
PHOENIX: ...Edgeworth?

EDGEWORTH: [That... can't be right.]
EDGEWORTH: [Something like that... I'd remember.]

EDGEWORTH: [Oh, shut up. You remember it just fine.]

EDGEWORTH: [I do?]

EDGEWORTH: [Of course you do. It's just more productive if you don't.]
EDGEWORTH: [She used to make you soup when dad worked late.]

EDGEWORTH: [We weren't supposed to use the stove.]
EDGEWORTH: [...]

EDGEWORTH: [You're starting to get it, right?]

EDGEWORTH: [He would have noticed the cans vanishing.]
EDGEWORTH: [He never said anything.]

EDGEWORTH: [What am I doing here?]
EDGEWORTH: [Paying unearned dues to a warm corpse.]

RECEPTIONIST: I'm sorry, sir, visiting hours have already-
EDGEWORTH: This isn't a visit. I'm here following up on a recent investigation.
EDGEWORTH: Fey.

EDGEWORTH: ...And in your professional opinion, assuming access to the best possible care,
EDGEWORTH: what is the likelihood of her recovering?
NURSE: To be frank, she won't recover. Her family is keeping her on life support against counsel.
NURSE: It'd take a miracle.

EDGEWORTH: [That strange necklace...]

EDGEWORTH: [All these cranes...]
EDGEWORTH: [Did Wright...]

EDGEWORTH: How are you so good at this!?
EDGEWORTH: You can't even tie your shoes properly half the time!
PHOENIX: Those are completely different things!

FRANZISKA: MILES EDGEWORTH!

FRANZISKA: What are you doing.
EDGEWORTH: Folding paper cranes.
FRANZISKA: These are ugly.
FRANZISKA: You are quite terrible at this.
EDGEWORTH: {Shut up and go away}

FRANZISKA: You aren't supposed to be speaking English, you hinterfotziger fool!
FRANZISKA: Papa will be cross.
EDGEWORTH: Hinterfotziger... I don't know that one yet.
EDGEWORTH: Nngh...

FRANZISKA: ...Why even bother with your silly paper birds when you are so bad at it?

EDGEWORTH: For the same reason I practice German, or study the law.
EDGEWORTH: Someday, I am going to do it all perfectly.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

EDGEWORTH: Nnnnnngooooooooooooooh!

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

EDGEWORTH: ...
EDGEWORTH: Good evening.

EDGEWORH: ...
EDGEWORH: ...

Chapter Text

MAYA: Nick, where's the cereal!?
PHOENIX: You at it all, remember?
MAYA: Oh yeah.

PHOENIX: Not fluently My parents didn't speak it at home that often.
PHOENIX: I always used to get ningen mixed up with ninjin
MAYA: Makes sense. You're a carroty guy, Nick!
PHOENIX: What does THAT mean!?

MAYA: The big billboard down the street-
PHOENIX: With the guy in the ugly hat?
MAYA: Yeah!
PHOENIX: Huh...
PHOENIX: Actually, I have no idea what it's selling.

MAYA: Sooo... any exciting new cases?
PHOENIX: Uh... no.
MAYA: Ugh! Okay, fine. Any LAME, BORING cases?
PHOENIX: Yeah, no. None of those either.

PHOENIX: Honestly you dodged a bullet.
MAYA: But school looks so fun on TV!
PHOENIX: Yeah, on TV.
MAYA: Yeah! On TV!
PHOENIX: ...
MAYA: ...

MAYA: I hope she doesn't make me go home...
PHOENIX: I'm sure she won't make you do anything you don't want.
MAYA: You're an only child, aren't you.
PHOENIX: Yeah...

PHOENIX: It doesn't work.
MAYA: It's broken?
PHOENIX: I don't think so, but it just stopped printing one day.
MAYA: Hmm... Sounds broken to me!

MAYA: There's Ginger Space.
PHOENIX: Okay, that makes sense.
MAYA: Then, uh... Posh Spice.
PHOENIX: Okay.
MAYA: Baby spice,
PHOENIX: Huh!?
MAYA: Scary Spice-
PHOENIX: No, no way. You're making that one up.

PHOENIX: It's weird to see her so... downtrodden.
MAYA: She's SULKING!
PHOENIX: Hey, not so loud! She'll hear you!
MAYA: She can hear all of this,
MAYA: the walls are thin in there.
PHOENIX: What!?

MAYA: We should go get more noodles.
PHOENIX: Sure, if you're paying.
MAYA: I don't have any money...
MAYA: You haven't paid me for my excellent work.
PHOENIX: Hey, I just work here.

MAYA: Polypropylene!
MAYA: Say it, it's so fun.
PHOENIX: Polypropylene.
MAYA: Polypropylene!
PHOENIX: Polypropylene!

PHOENIX: Uh...
PHOENIX: The 1996 Romeo + Juliet.
PHOENIX: Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes.
PHOENIX: You?
MAYA: I think it's gotta be Lilo and Stitch!
PHOENIX: Great choice.

October 31, 10:32 PM
200X
Lambda Kappa Fraternity

FRAT ANGEL: ...This is her? Dude, this is a high schooler.
FRAT ANGEL: I think you got scammed.

FRAT DEVIL: Dude, no way. This is totally legit.
FRAT DEVIL: I'm in anthro, I did a paper on all this shit.
FRAT DEVIL: It's gonna kick ass.

FRAT DEVIL: This is pretty steep.
MIA: You did your research. You know I'm the only person on this hemisphere who will do this for you.
MIA: I just need a photo.

MIA: Remember, you only get one hour. 
MIA: After that, it gets dangerous.

DEAD DUDE: DUUUUDES! I'm back!
FRAT ANGEL: Dude!
FRAT DEVIL: Dude!

11:23 PM

11:48 AM

FRAT BRO: ...Dude?

FRAT BRO: Oh shit. Shit.
FRAT BRO: Are you okay?
FRAT BRO: ...someone go check on her.

MIA: [Morgan was right about me.]
MIA: [No discipline.]

MIA: *GASP*

MIA: Jesus, Maya! Don't sneak up on me like that!
MAYA: Hah! First time you've ever yelled at me for being too quiet!
MAYA: Hey, at least the toilet is squeaky clean.