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DID YOU READ THE EPILOGUE? If not, go to the previous chapter!! (Then come back. 💕)
BONUS CHAPTER
If you’ve read my other stuff, you know that my long-fics always have a bonus chapter. I give you all a little behind-the-scenes sumthin’ sumthin’ and some LOVE for sticking it out with me while this was a work-in-progress. In order, you’ll find the below. Skip whatever disinterests or displeases you.
- Fan recognition: Info dated November 18th, 2021
- The Desire to use the word “Fuck”: There were just those moments, you know?
- The Kylux that almost was: And the spin-off Reylux dream that now is
- Random Acronyms this story earned
- Secrets Kept:There were a lot of secrets and internal struggles that no one let on to in this story. Let’s dig in.
- What didn’t make it into the script?
- Music that inspired TSI: This, more than any other of my works, was really influenced by music. Thank you to everyone who sent me things that made you think of my story. My spotify account is filled with your love.
- About us: Wanna know more about our alpha/beta Tristen and I?
- Next thing: Want a hint?
Fan Recognition!
This section is specifically to recognize the people who took a chance on me when this was a work-in-progress. A lot of fics get abandoned, so it’s a leap of faith for those who come along for the ride. To all of you – THANK YOU.
Awards:
THANK YOU TO ALL COMMENTERS!
* Special note – to those of you who supported me on Facebook, because you comment with your real names, I didn’t want to list you here in respect for your privacy. But, I DO love you and want to be sure you feel that from me!**
Shoutouts to Enloeddmedia and MorphoBlueTravels for being a first/second set of eyes on certain chapters. If you liked the (finally) love scene and chapter 28, it’s due to them. To show them love, I also let them name some of Rey’s stormtroopers: KM-7091 was by Morpho, and OP-1015 was enloeddmedia. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!
Another shoutout to NathanielzAlexandria for coming up with the “squaresome” joke. 🤣
A last mention to everyone who supported me when I mentioned that my son was sick. He’s doing so well, is back in school, and he’s very, very happy. Your kindness and well wishes were so comforting in my time of need, and I choose to believe that your well wishes made an impact on my son’s recovery. You’re all so wonderful. 💕💕
Giving love to Sleeping_Kitten: I was suffering a deep feeling of loss when my last long-fic was coming to a close. I was heartbroken. It was so hard to say goodbye to the characters and worlds I worked so hard to build. (In fact… I even refused to say goodbye to one of them *ahem CLahem*)
When that was taking over my poor little heart, Sleeping_Kitten gave me the courage to write this “Revan-reincarnation” idea that I’d shared with her one day. She… kinda nagged me about it actually. Like, “Don’t forget that this is on the backburner for when you’re done!”
Having a new idea to play with made it hurt a little less, knowing it wouldn’t be the end of my writing. She sent me TONS of research. Images, video walkthroughs, articles, and it absolutely kept me inspired.
Without her, not only would I not have written this story - but I probably wouldn’t have started writing fic at all. She was the one who found little old me in a Facebook group saying, “I think I might have an idea,” plucked me from that part of the internet, placed me in a writing Discord server, and connected me with people who all supported and encouraged each other to keep going. If you like any of my work, then she’s (to blame) the one who made it possible.
Thank you, Sleeping_Kitten.
Read her awesome work on Ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.info/users/sleeping_kitten/works
Completely hidden, meta, unreferenced sidenote:
For those of you who liked the CL-3337 character, he’s from my “The Rise of Ben Solo” series. By the end of that work, there is an exploration of parallel universes. In my headcanon, if CL existed in any timeline, he’d always find a way to Ben Solo / Kylo Ren - if not in one way, then in another. It may seem like a cop out to reuse one of my OCs, and I’ll admit I absolutely had a hard time parting with him, but that concept of people being destined to be in each other’s lives, no matter the context, seemed perfect.
Revan even makes an appearance in the very last chapter of “TRoBS” and hints at this version of reality. You could see that my heart was gearing up for this story by then. It was fascinating to overlap story with story. After all, what is divergence if not one big “what if”? All canon stories are branches in the timeline. That’s what makes them so cool.
The desire to use the word, “FUCK”
There were so many times when the word Fuck just begged to be snuck in. I resisted!!! But here is where I wanted them.
- When Palpatine said he is “all the Sith” during his final battle, I wanted Snoke to say, “Fuck the Sith.” Oddly enough, I thought it would be a sign of growth that he’d moved beyond his obsession with them, and also gotten past the shame that he couldn’t become one. But then I remembered, OOP, Kylo is a Sith just now… so… yeah. No “Fuck the Sith.”
- When Kylo was dry humping Rey and she calls him Revan, I wanted him to moan, “Say my fucking name!” Or hiss the curse out loud once she finally does. This one was hard to let go of. I still think it’s hot, even now.
- When Hux confronts Rey about the sinful act he walked in on. “Did you like him fucking into you, scavenger? You certainly looked like you did.” Oddly enough, I could still totally see Hux saying that.
- When Kylo thinks about channeling his lust. I wanted him to say, “There’s no one to fight and nothing to fuck.” Seemed a little unnecessarily crass.
- When Kylo finishes during his love-making with Rey. I wanted his climax word to be fuck, but it was so soft and bittersweet, it just didn’t seem to fit.
The Kylux that almost was.
In the first draft of this, I had Hux in love with Kylo. I thought it would be interesting if all his unresolved feelings had morphed into hate for the man he could never have. I was going to have Rey, who shared in his attraction, commiserate with him and give him space to finally feel his feelings, though 100% unrequited. It was going to be what inspired him to fall in line and accept Kylo’s leadership.
I’m very interested in Kylux as a dynamic, but admit that I’ve never read it. Knowing how viscerally squicked some people are by the pairing, I decided to go it a bit safer with Hux falling for Rey.
I figured I was trying to do enough “different things” already. :D
The spin-off ReyLux Dream that now exists.
You may have seen in an author’s note that I had a dream about “my version” of Hux having a sex dream. I gave in and I wrote it. Straight smut, no plot - the first time I’ve ever done such a thing in canon. First threesome. First m/m. DON’T LIKE, DON’T CLICK! (And don’t hate me for giving in to my curiosity about whether or not I could do it - it was an artistic challenge!) Despite the plotlessness, I tried to capture feelings while maintaining Hux’s persona… and I really honed in on his desire to be put in his place. It’s soft, though. (And hot.)
I give unto you: “Make Me Yours.” https://archiveofourown.info/works/34912066
Random Acronyms we earned:
- TSI (The Shadows Inside)
- R3 (Ren, Rey and “Red”)
- BastiRevLo - (The squaresome)
- RFO (Royal First Order)
Secrets Kept:
I really enjoyed hiding people’s true thoughts and stories. There are things that were never shared, and it skewed people’s views of each other’s intentions and drove their actions forward.
- The boy on the bridge who was taken from his family will never know that Kylo Ren was the one who personally killed his parents and his monarchy. He will forever believe that he was meant to be a member of the First Order and will help his planet become what they never wanted to be - a world under the purview of the Royal Sovereign.
- Snoke never told anyone that Palpatine was invading his mind - or that he was a clone of Sidious, himself. Who knows what would have changed if he did.
- Kylo and Hux were able to hide the fact that they were going to kill Snoke - even from Rey. If she knew their plot, she may have tried to stop them.
- Kylo hid Snoke’s abuse until after he was already gone. If Rey had known in advance, she may not have healed him (and thereby given Palpatine reign of his body).
- The Reincarnation was a secret that the Force users shared, and once Snoke/Palps was gone, it remained something precious for Kylo and Rey alone.
- Kylo and Rey’s pining for each other was hidden, allowing Hux to grow in his affections, not knowing Rey was spoken for. His feelings for her reminded him of the scope of human emotion and was really the catalyst for his growth.
- Hux managed to hide the depth of that emotion until his heart broke, surprising everyone and creating a sort of intimate moment between them all. In a strange way, it broke the ice, and suddenly they were all able to be honest and vulnerable with each other.
- No one knew that Rey’s plan was to “tame the monsters” of the First Order except Leia. In this way, you could see her as manipulating them or, at very least, trying to change who they are.
- Leia hid that she was sick. Perhaps the dyad may have been able to help her - or perhaps Kylo would have done something more drastic, knowing his mother’s life was ebbing away. So many “what if”s.
- Kylo and Leia also hid their yearning to reconcile; Leia most of all. Their tenuous partnership hinted at it, but it wasn’t until the end that they allowed themselves to be truly open. It was too late to say “I love you.”
- How no one would say out loud how much Rey sucked at naming things, even though the troopers, Rey, Leia, and even Hux had moments where they thought she did - meanwhile Kylo was like, she’s so GOOD at this!
What didn’t make it into the script?
For some reason, I’m obsessed with the idea of trying to do things in canon I don’t see (or, at least, haven’t read already… though my experience is limited). This obsession drives me to start to base a plot SOLELY on what I can do that is “different”. I make a list, smash it together, and see what I can make a story out of.
In the end, we got: Revan and Bastila inhabit Kylo and Rey. Snoke is possessed by Palpatine and Hux/Leia are haunted by their pasts. All of them have “Shadows Inside.”
Corny.
Not everything makes it into the story, though. Here’s some stuff that didn't end up in the final draft.
- Huxadmits that it’s his personal baggage that makes him take children for the Stormtrooper program. Coming from the mindset of being abused by his father – he believes children are better off with the First Order than with their parents.
- Snoke feels whispers in his head the same way Kylo does - but, like a zealot, believes he's communicating with the Cosmic Force.
- Snoke positions Rey as a pawn to hold Kylo and Hux at bay, as they are his science/military and spiritual Force. Though all three are at each other's throats, she keeps them from imploding.
Music that inspired TSI
Out of everything I’ve written, this story was the only one influenced by music from the outset. Here are the tracks that embedded themselves most deeply in my mind. Thank you to everyone who made recommendations on tracks that they related to the story as well - it’s incredibly meaningful to me.
“I can’t give everything away. I won’t give everything away” – Trapped, Headstrong
“Reject the system dictating the norm, from dehumanization to arms production to hasten this nation towards its destruction” “Those living by death will die by their own hand” “Your choice, your choice: Peace or annihilation” - A Perfect Circle, Annihilation
“I wanna cut you out of my dreams – ‘til I’m bleeding out” – The Weeknd, Until I Bleed Out
“Hate me today; hate my tomorrow. Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you” – Blue October, Hate Me
“You really want me to be a good son, Why? You make me feel like no one” - Korn, Dead Bodies Everywhere
“I’m drinking what used to be sin and touching the edge of her skin” - Blue October, You Make Me Smile
“Make me feel something - show me that I’m human” (Hux’s song) - Jaymes Young, Feel Something
The Piano (The scene in the rain where Rey falls and Kylo has to save her life.)
Cristifori’s Dream - David Lanz (Revan/Bastila’s love song)
Wicked Games - (Kylo/Rey’s love song)
Crazy Love 50 shades of Gray version (the go-to sex song for this fic)
“It's too bad, it's just too sad / You don't want me no more / But I'm gonna change your mind / Some way, somehow / I want you the right way / I want you, but I want you to want me too / Want you to want me baby / Just like I want you” - Madonna, I Want You (Rey’s seduction song)
[Insert Whole Song] But especially, “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen the way the candles light your face / It’s been awhile, but I can still remember just the way you taste.” - Staind, It’s Been Awhile (Kylo’s song)
Crystalize (The Palpatine battle on Exegol, where Snoke gave his life) - Lindsey Stirling
WHO ARE YOU? Meet the creators
Author: @Nixcomix | Nix or Nic | Nichol (Ashworth) Goldstein
You know those people who quantify their self-worth by the amount of work they produce? That’s me. I just described me.
I started writing fanfiction on May 18th, 2020. In the span of a year and a half, I’ve written four novel-length books and several short stories/one-shots. (Reylo, what have you done to me?)
I used to be a comic book illustrator by trade, so I’ve also created 27 (or so) art pieces to support my fic (and other people’s), as well as a whole damn comic strip. I need to calm down.
Anywho, if you liked this story, I’d LOVE IT if you’d check out my other works. It would make me dewy-eyed with joy. https://archiveofourown.info/users/nixcomix/works
- The most popular is “The Redemption of Kylo Ren”
- The one I’m personally the most proud of is its sequel, “Monarch”
- There’s also a few shorts to peruse, my favorite of which is “The End of Everything” ← which was even endorsed by AmyBeeGood (and I almost fainted when it happened)
Alpha Reader / Beta Editor: TristenCrone! https://archiveofourown.info/users/TristenCrone/worksTristenCrone -
Hello! Hi! I’m the lucky duck that got to read every chapter ahead of time and yell about it in a Google doc. It’s been such a huge pleasure watching this story unfold. Nix and I have beta read for each other on a few occasions but this was the first project of such scope that I’d helped with, and it was a fantastic experience.
Few things about me: I’m a South African expat now in the USA, questioning why your toilet stalls have such huge gaps around the doors, and marveling at the variety of cereal flavors. I write fic when I can (Nix was kind enough to link my page above) though mine is almost exclusively AU, besides my fix-it fic that got all this Reylo craziness started.
I’m currently working on an original story as time allows and wondering what the heck I’m going to fill my evenings with now that this story is finished and there’s nothing left to devour.
Feel free to come say hi to me on Twitter!
WHAT’S NEXT?
I’m working on a secret exchange fic that’s coming out in December/Jan. It will be released as anonymous at first, so you won’t know it’s me. If you find it, you might be able to tell, though… I’m doing something different again (sly looks).
To make sure you find it, be sure to subscribe to me as an author. That way, when it comes off of anonymous, you’ll be notified. In the meantime, friends, enjoy your holiday season!
Much love from East Coast USA.
More beautiful Kasiopea work!!! TT_TT (So perfect!)
