Chapter Text
“I'm starting to think you actively try to find ways that you can be a pain in my ass, Stark,” Fury said, slapping a copy of the New York Post down on the table as he slid into the booth across from Tony. The headline on the cover of the tabloid said, to Tony’s smug pleasure, “Reformed Bad Boy?” over a picture of Loki kissing Tony’s hand in front of the Aldwych Theatre in London, where the Royal Shakespeare Company had been doing a production of Coriolanus. Smothering a smile in the face of Fury’s glare, Tony set it on the seat next to him to show to Pepper.
“No, that part just comes naturally,” Tony said as he held up his coffee cup for the waitress to refill. “You know what's funny? The only two people in my life that call me Stark are you and Loki. I feel like I should be on first name basis with at least one of you and clearly it's not going to be Loki so why don't you call me Tony and I'll call you Nick. I’ve always thought you look like a Nick.”
As always, Tony was impressed by how much glaring Fury could accomplish with only one eye. “First of all, not even my mama calls me Nick so don't even think about it. Second, I'm surprised you have the gall to bring up Loki in this conversation considering he's the whole reason why you're being a pain in my ass.” Fury accepted his coffee with a gruff thank you and proceeded to ignore it. “Being pardoned wasn’t an invitation to act like everything is forgiven.”
“Wasn’t it?” Tony said, raising an eyebrow. “In any case, if I knew a faster way to get an invitation to the UN I would have done that, but I figured since I had an in with the National Security Advisor I thought maybe that would be more efficient.” As they’d discussed Loki’s idea more, Tony had eventually realized that in order to make Earth’s first interstellar treaty agreement official, they’d have to go through the United Nations. Then he had to spend another hour explaining why, and what the United Nations were, and what they weren’t, and by the end of it Loki somehow had an even lower opinion of human political systems than he’d had before. But he’d agreed that going through the process was important, even though the thought of it made him look like he’d swallowed a frog.
Fury scowled at the reminder. “Don't think I don't know that you were behind that by the way. I've been meaning to send you a token of my appreciation for the entirely unwanted promotion.”
Tony grinned at the threat. “It was Loki’s idea. He wanted to thank you for the pardon. So were you able to do it or not?”
“He’ll get time to present his case to the Security Council and then they can give the approval for him to address the General Assembly a few days later.” Tony opened his mouth to thank him but Fury stopped him by holding up a finger. “But.”
“Oh, no. No buts,” Tony said with a groan.
“You've also been assigned a specialist from the State Department to help you.”
“You've assigned us a handler?” Tony barked out a laugh. “No way that's happening.”
“I know you and Loki like to think that rules don’t apply to you, but if you want to get the UN on your side for this wild-ass idea you two have cooked up, you’ll do what they tell you to do. And what they are telling you to do is to consult an actual diplomat before you try your hand at international diplomacy.” Tony made a face, unconvinced, but then Fury said, “Also, if this person isn't successful in assisting you and Loki with your mission at the UN, it will go very badly for their career. I know it doesn't come naturally for you and Loki but perhaps you could take other people into consideration before you do anything hasty.”
Tony narrowed his eyes. “Blackmail? That's a low blow, Fury, it really is.” He drummed his thumbs on the table and blew out a breath. “Fine. We’ll give them a few hours to tell us whatever the UN thinks we need to know, just let me know when.”
“Luckily for you, all of the council members were curious about what Loki had to say, so they agreed to meet with you next week. Your specialist should be contacting you sometime today.” Fury, after having ignored his coffee for the whole meeting, drained his cup all in one go and slid back out of the booth. “You owe me one for this.”
“I thought getting rid of Hydra meant you owed me favors in perpetuity,” Tony protested, throwing a fifty on the table for the waitress before climbing out of the booth as well.
“That was before you destroyed all of my helicarriers and flooded DC,” Fury said. “Cleaning up after you made us even.”
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been here before,” Tony said as Happy pulled up the driveway to the United Nations building in New York to let them out. “What an…interesting building.”
Loki studied the building as they got out of the car, smoothing down the lapels of his three-piece suit. “I will never understand how humans can be capable of creating things of astounding beauty and then choose to build something of such appalling banality.”
Tony had to admit the building wasn’t the most impressive. It was very wide, where it faced the river, but not very deep, looking more than anything like a book standing on its end. The flags snapping in the wind of the brisk day looked nice, but the concrete around them was dingy and needed to be power washed. “Sometimes we pick efficiency over aesthetic, I guess,” Tony said, though it was his personal philosophy that if you couldn’t find something efficient and aesthetic then you weren’t trying hard enough.
Loki made a skeptical noise and turned his gaze to the people milling about in front of the building, some of them standing in groups and chatting while others were moving with purpose to one place or another. “Who are we supposed to be meeting here?”
“Eleanor Fang. She’s supposed to be meeting us outside.” As he’d expected, Loki had resisted the idea that he needed to be taught anything about diplomacy. “Think of her less as a teacher than as a local guide,” Tony had suggested, pointing out that Loki knew little of the petty grudges and cultural tripwires that complicated relationships between countries, much less the quirks and idiosyncrasies of the specific diplomats that he would be meeting with. Only the fact that Fury would cancel the UN meeting altogether if they didn’t meet with this diplomat made him finally agree.
They had just stepped inside and were letting their eyes adjust when Tony heard his name being called from behind him.
“And you must be Loki,” the voice, presumably Eleanor’s voice, said as they turned around. To his surprise, Tony had to adjust his gaze a lot farther downward than he anticipated to see that the voice belonged to a tiny, very old Chinese lady. Her improbably dark hair was cut into chin-length bob, and her suit was designer, with what Tony clocked as a Hermes silk scarf around her neck. She was eyeing Loki critically over the rim of glasses that Tony suspected she wore just for that purpose. “So, you too good for a second name or what? Like Cher? Or what’s her name, Beyonce?”
Loki blinked. This old lady was barely over five feet tall and didn’t even clear his chest but she didn’t seem afraid of him at all. “My last name is Friggason, but I rarely need to use it,” he said after a moment. “I’ve yet to meet any other Lokis, so using the one name has sufficed thus far.”
Eleanor hmphed and started walking, gesturing imperiously for them to follow. “I’m Eleanor Fang,” she said as she flashed her badge at the security guard. “You’re here to meet with the Security Council, yes?”
“Yes,” Loki answered. Tony saw him glancing around the hallways as Eleanor led them deeper into the building, and Tony knew that he was equally unimpressed with the inside of the building as he’d been with the outside. The industrial carpeting was worn and the neutral color on the walls and wooden doors hadn’t aged well from when the building was built in the 1950s. Other parts of the building, the parts that the foreign officials used, had been renovated but as usual the ones for the government peons were always the last to be upgraded.
“When? Soon?”
“Friday,” Tony supplied, and Eleanor clicked her tongue.
“Friday? Why a Friday? That was stupid. No one wants to do anything on a Friday.”
Loki and Tony shared a glance. “Well, we didn’t make the appointment,” Tony said cautiously. “We were just told when it was.”
“First lesson. The person who controls the calendar has the most power,” Eleanor said, jabbing the button for the elevator half a dozen times. “You’ll be lucky if half of them show up for a Friday meeting.” She eyed them both again, this time looking more at their clothes. Tony followed her glance down, suddenly worried that there was something on his designer Brioni suit. “Good choice with the suits. Most of these diplomats are filthy rich because they are corrupt bureaucrats, and they will absolutely not respect you if you don’t dress on their level.”
As the elevator dinged and they got in, Tony wondered if there was a polite way to say, “Do you know who we are?” but wasn’t sure what he’d say if she said ‘no’ so he decided discretion was the better part of valor and kept his mouth shut. Loki must have decided the same thing because he was watching her with a faintly baffled expression as they went up to the seventh floor.
“Come in, come in,” she said as she opened the door to her office. “Sit.” She went around to her side of the desk and opened up a folder. “You know how the Security Council works, yes?” Without waiting for an answer, she slid some photos across the tables in front of them. “These are the diplomats from the five permanent members.” All of the photos were of old men in staid suits and each photo had a flag in the corner from the country they were from – US, United Kingdom, Russia, France, and China. She tapped the photo of the US diplomat. “He will be supporting you. Be nice but don’t spend to much time on him. Same for this guy,” she said, tapping the UK diplomat. “He’ll support you because our diplomat does. Unless France kicks up a big fuss, then he’ll pretend to be on the fence so that he doesn’t look like a US patsy,” she said with a derisive snort. She separated the Russian and Chinese diplomats from the others. “These two like to be contrary, they are going to be assholes just because our diplomat is supporting you. You’ll have to appeal to their wallets to convince them. France is going to be inclined to support you because Germany, who currently serving as a non-permanent member, is still holding a grudge about that man you killed a few years ago, so they like to disagree with Germany just to be bitchy.”
So she did know who they were. “Bitchy,” Tony repeated, mostly to glide right over the man you killed part because he saw the way Loki’s jaw tightened. “Is that official diplomatic language, or…?”
Eleanor snorted. “When you’ve put up with as much bullshit as I have you can say whatever you want.”
Hurt her career my ass, Tony thought. This old lady probably knew so many dirty secrets she was bulletproof. He had to give it to Fury though, he’d known exactly what to say to manipulate them into agreeing to meet with her. “Right, right.”
Eleanor, took her glasses off and let them hang on the chain around her neck. “I was in Brussels when you attacked New York,” she said to Loki, and Tony had to admire her directness. “Bad business, very bad business,” she said, shaking her head. “But it's over now, so whatever, you know? In this business, sometimes you're the good guy, sometimes you're the bad guy. Not my job to shake a finger at you.”
“Thank you,” Loki said after a moment. “I appreciate your help,” he added, pushing the photos back across the table towards her, “but if you know who I am, then you should know what I can do. Not the least of which is I can read their minds at any time, and I have found that gives me an edge in negotiations.”
“Bah,” Eleanor said dismissively. “That won't help! You're not negotiating with them, you’re negotiating with their bosses, and they are not going to be at the table. Not yet at least.” She pointed a finger at Loki, nail lacquered bright red. “I understand you come from a monarchy, which means that where you come from there's a person at the top and that's who you have to deal with. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that the United Nations is that person here on Earth. We've got 190 odd countries who all think they are equally as important as anyone else, and small minority of them who agree that while all countries are equal some are more equal than others. And many of them are going to be wary because they don't know anything about Asgard and what they know of you is, let's be honest, mostly bad. If it were Thor-”
“Thor isn't a part of this,” Loki said irritably. “And I won’t-”
“Don't interrupt me, young man,” Eleanor snapped. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Loki mouth the words 'young man,' clearly taken aback, and Tony had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from laughing. “I know he isn't a part of this, he isn't sitting here is he? But if I'm going to hurt your feelings by telling you that he's got a better reputation than you do then you are either delusional or you might not be cut out for politics.”
There was a long silence while Loki stared at her through narrowed eyes, then he put a hand on his chest, bowing slightly, and said, “I apologize. It was rude of me to interrupt. Please continue.”
She hmphed again but was clearly mollified by the apology. She put her glasses on and continued with her lecture, discussing the personal and professional priorities of each diplomat and how to use the non-permanent member states to lean on the rest. “Now,” she said, putting the photos back in the folder and closing it. She folded her hands over it and took her glasses off again. “Give me your pitch.”
Loki got halfway through an explanation of Thanos before Eleanor was shaking her head. “No no no. Don’t talk about stuff like that. War and such. Won’t work. You have to appeal to their pockets.”
“Won’t work?” Loki repeated, frowning. “The threat of planet-wide war won’t work?”
Eleanor shook her head. “Nick and I tried that with the whole Hydra business. No good trying to convince people of a problem until it’s a problem.”
It took Tony a minute to realize that Eleanor was talking about Fury. “That’s idiotic,” Loki said bluntly while Tony wondered how many other lies Nick had said during their short conversation.
“Ha! Don’t tell me it’s stupid, I know it’s stupid. But no one gives politicians intelligence tests, or diplomats either. What they see is that we got attacked, not them, so it’s our problem, not theirs.”
“Then what is the point?” Loki stood, frustrated. “This is a waste of time.”
“What’s the alternative?” Eleanor said, leaning back in her chair. “You going to do it all yourself? Or did you decide it was hard and now you don’t want to try? Sit down,” she ordered pointing at the chair. Tony watched with wide-eyed fascination as Loki actually sat, though his face was thunderous. “Lure them to the table with promises of riches, then when they are there, you can start talking about defense cooperation. Do it the other way around and you’re going to scare them off.”
“Fine.” Loki closed his eyes, steepling his fingers and resting them against his chin. Without opening his eyes, he started listing Asgardian technology that could be adapted to human use as well as things from Earth – mostly food and drink, with coffee being at the top of the list – that would be in high demand on Asgard.
“Good,” Eleanor said with satisfaction, looking down at the notes she’d made while Loki was talking. “We can work with this.”
“We?” Tony echoed.
“Of course, we. You didn’t think I was just here to give you information and send you on your way, did you?” she snorted. “You two are babes in the wood, you’d be eaten alive.” Tony made a face and Loki looked like he was going to argue the point but Eleanor rode right over them. “No, this is going to be huge, we just have to convince everyone to stop squabbling and listen. And the best way to make sure people listen is to convince them that we don’t want them to hear. By the time I’m done with this,” she said, gesturing with her notes, “countries will be fighting each other to sign your treaty, because they’ll think that the US is trying to keep you all to itself.”
The meeting lasted another thirty minutes and by the time that Eleanor was done with them, Tony felt like he had been put through a grueling mental obstacle course. “I wonder if she would be interested in a career change,” Loki said musingly as they climbed into the car. “I think she could do great things on Asgard.”
“You just want to see her roast Thor like she roasted you,” Tony accused, and Loki just laughed.
Tony was not surprised at all that Eleanor was in the room while Loki made his pitch to the Security Council, sitting behind the US ambassador and watching them with the critical eye of a director watching the opening night of a play. When Loki was done, Tony was unaccountably proud of the way she nodded approvingly and then threw her weight into the flurry of conversation that ensued.
Loki had, of course, been magnificent; Tony had realized once Loki took the floor that he had seen a lot of Loki’s many faces, but this was the first time he had really seen Loki, Crown Prince of Asgard. His clothes were eye-catching and exotic, skillfully weaving elements of Asgardian fashion with a traditional three-piece suit, the Asgardian fabric gleaming subtly under the constellation of lights in the Security Council room. Tony wouldn’t doubt that Loki was using magic to put a shine on his appearance because his voice even sounded different, deeper and richer, carrying smoothly around the room without even requiring the offered microphone. As he watched, Tony was struck by how much it was clear that Loki had been born to this, masterfully dominating the room as he drew in even the most skeptical delegations with his arguments.
“That’s so hot,” Tony whispered to Natasha, who had surprised them both by showing up unannounced at the door to the UN on the day of Loki’s presentation.
“You’re hopeless,” she whispered back, somehow managing to do it without moving her face. “Congratulations, by the way. On the marriage thing.” She held back during the conversation but from the way her eyes flicked from delegate to delegate, Tony knew she was taking copious mental notes to share with Fury later.
At the end of it, Loki was greenlit for the next step in the process, which was to speak with the General Assembly itself in a few days’ time. Following that, Eleanor had a whole world tour planned, arguing that he should speak at NATO and the European Union in Brussels. Then, in order to avoid favoritism, she said that he should meet with the African Union in Addis Ababa and the Association of Southeast Asian Nations in Jakarta. At the thought of doing this half a dozen more times, Tony thought he detected a twitch in Loki’s eyes, and judging from Eleanor’s smug smile she saw it too.
“It will be good, though,” Tony said later when they were back home, handing a drink to Loki and one to Natasha before settling down on the couch next to Loki. “I know some people at NATO from my arms dealing days so I’ll be more help than I was today.”
Loki pressed his glass of mead to his temple. “I’d rather herd bilgesnipe.”
“You did well today, though,” Natasha offered, taking a sip of vodka. “I’m impressed.” Loki raised his glass to her with wry acknowledgement of the compliment, from one performer to another. “Obviously the General Assembly is going to be much more difficult. You’re not going to convince everyone and it will be more likely to do with their own domestic politics than anything else. But you don’t need unanimity, you need a majority, and I think with the Security Council backing you’re likely to get that.”
“And then we can start planning the wedding!” Tony said brightly. “Or rather, whatever team Pepper’s picked out can. I don’t know the first thing about planning weddings.”
“Something about flowers,” Natasha said, turning around in her chair so she could throw her legs over the arm, drink cradled to her chest. “And a big cake. In the Red Room, when we were learning about degenerate capitalist rituals I was always impressed by the wedding cake.”
Tony nudged Loki with his foot. "Any Asgardian rituals I should know about?"
"I'm hardly the one to ask." He gave Tony a Look over the rim of his glass as he took a sip of mead. "As you can imagine, I never thought a wedding was something I might need concern myself with. But I will inquire with the Master of Ceremonies."
"Of course there's a Master of Ceremonies," Tony said, rolling his eyes. "But speaking of Asgard, Natasha, did I ever show you my crown?"
“I'm not sure what was so confusing about half of the planet’s population,” Tony griped to Natasha a few days later, mood sour as he reflected on his previous optimism about this entire UN idea. After Loki had made his points about the economic benefits of an alliance, he had brought up the security concerns, and just as Eleanor had predicted, the presentation about Thanos was met with skepticism and disbelief. In the back of his mind Tony kept hearing Eleanor’s irate voice saying I told you so, and judging from the stormy look on Eleanor’s face as she tapped her foot and waited for Loki to finish speaking to members of the Asia-Pacific bloc, Loki was about to get it with both barrels. “That's half of everybody, including half of the people in this room right now. They don’t believe us, and we didn’t even mention the magic rocks!”
“Unfortunately, some people have no imagination,” a smooth, accented voice said from behind him. “We did not get a chance to meet earlier. My name is Prince T’challa of Wakanda.”
Tony turned around to see a tall, stately Black man wearing a handsome black-on-black suit with a burgundy print floral scarf draped over one shoulder. He was flanked by two Black women, heads cleanly shaven, who were so clearly bodyguards with their stiff posture and wary eyes that despite wearing very fashionable black dresses and traditional neck rings that Tony was surprised he didn’t see any weapons. “A pleasure to meet you, Prince T’challa,” Tony said, putting his hand on his chest and bowing slightly like he’d seen Loki do before.
“I am also pleased to meet you, Mr. Stark, Ms. Romanov.” Prince T’challa inclined his head at them and smiled. “For the record, I found your presentation very compelling. Wakanda has studied the Battle of New York with much interest.”
“And what did you conclude?” Natasha asked with curiosity. “You said that some people have no imagination. Does that mean that you do?”
Prince T’challa inclined his head again in a nod of acknowledgement. “I think perhaps the some of the countries represented here are also unused to conceiving of the type of threat you describe. However, Wakanda, though it was never colonized, is intimately familiar with our continent’s history of being slaughtered by foreign invaders and occupied,” he said wryly. “And while Wakanda may have absented itself from world affairs, that does not mean we do not pay attention to them. If the people who fought alien invaders once believe that it will happen again, a wise man would listen.”
“I would have thought so, too,” Tony said sourly. “Apparently not.”
“Well, I did say a wise man,” Prince T’challa pointed out after a beat, and Tony had to laugh. “At the very least, I am interested in learning more, if you and Mr. Friggason are willing to meet with me.”
“Of course,” Tony said, because what else do you say? The fact that the first country willing to take the threat seriously was a small African nation with a mostly agrarian economy was a bit demoralizing, but it was a start. Though Loki seemed to be having some luck with Indian representatives, who were always interested in trying to steal the march on China and Russia. “At your earliest convenience.”
“I will be-”
The shrill, blaring sound of an emergency alert going off on Tony’s phone cut off his words, followed in a split second by Loki’s phone, leading to an atonal, asynchronous cacophony until they managed to silence them. Tony felt himself go cold and clammy as he read the flashing red and yellow message, and when he looked up to catch Loki’s eye, he was white as a sheet, and Tony knew they were both thinking the same thing. Not yet. They weren’t ready.
“Tony? Tony!” Tony didn’t realize Natasha had been calling his name until he felt her hand on his arm. “What is it? What’s happening?” Unable to find the words, Tony just showed her the message on his phone. There is an unusual object approaching Earth's atmosphere. As the object approached Tony's warning satellites, their scanners started submitting details of the objects size, shape, and composition, and there was no doubt that it was an alien space ship. Under the words still scrolling at the top of the screen, JARVIS had a map of the Earth with a rapidly shrinking green circle on it: the cone of possible landing sites based on the ship’s current speed and trajectory. It didn’t take a genius to notice immediately that New York was in the center of the circle. Tony watched as her eyes quickly scanned the screen and he could tell the instant that she understood because her face went blank and hard. When she looked back up at Tony, there was a question in her eyes, and Tony nodded.
“We need to go. Right now,” Loki said, putting his phone away. “There’s no time to waste.”
“You can’t go,” Eleanor said sharply, putting a hand on Loki’s arm as he started to walk away from the Indian delegation. “You are going to lose half of the progress you’ve made if you leave now.”
“Eleanor, there is a spaceship headed for New York City, and it is doubtful that their intentions are good,” Tony said as patiently as he could considering the circumstances. “Either way, we need to be there. Treaty building will have to wait.” He nodded to Loki, who held out his hand.
“Oh, sure, right, there’s always something more important-”
“I’m coming too,” Natasha said over her, putting a hand on Tony’s arm so they couldn’t leave without her. “You two are not fighting him alone like you did last time.”
“A spaceship? Wait-” Tony heard Prince T’challa protesting from behind him but the world had already gone black and cold and weirdly flat like it always did when he fast-traveled with Loki, and then with a suddenness that never failed to make him queasy, they were back at the tower and Tony’s phone was ringing.
“Hey, Stephen. Yeah we saw the message too, we think they are centering on your position. We are on our- oh hey.” Tony hung up the phone as a golden ring opened up in front of them, replacing the view of the city skyline with Stephen standing in his study, Time Stone glowing faintly on his chest. His cape flew over and as it settled around his shoulders, he went blurry and slightly gold; when it faded, he was wearing the dark blue tunic and wide leather belt that Tony never got tired of calling his wizard cosplay outfit.
“So I’m assuming you know these guys?” Stephen said, turning and waving a hand for them to join him in his study.
“Children of Thanos,” Loki answered as he stepped through the portal, voice tight. “His greatest warriors, though I don’t know which of them he would have sent. They are almost certainly here for Infinity Stones.”
“Infinity Stones?” Prince T’challa echoed, making Tony stumble as he tried to spin around and step forward at the same time. He was studying Stephen’s portal with fascination, circling it and leaning in close to look at the fiery sparks that occasionally escaped the spinning edge of the golden ring. “Are these the ‘magic rocks’ you spoke of?”
For a moment they all stared at him in shock. “Your Highness, you really shouldn’t be here,” Natasha said urgently. “It isn’t safe.”
“Who's this guy?” Stephen asked, eyebrows drawing together. “Is he a part of this?”
“Dr. Stephen Strange, this is Prince T’Challa from Wakanda,” Tony answered. “And no, he is definitely not a part of this.”
“I disagree,” Prince T’challa said mildly, apparently unfased by having traveled halfway across New York in a matter of seconds. He stood with his hands clasped loosely behind his back, watching them all with the same air of cool competence and authority that he’d had at the UN building when surrounded by his intimidating bodyguards. Tony bet the man’s poker game was unreal. “I know you fear for my safety but if someone is bringing war to Earth from another planet, they will not be constrained by political borders. If Wakanda does not fight with everyone else, then we will end up fighting alone. My father agreed that it is time for Wakanda to take its proper place on the world stage, and that starts here.”
Listening to this, Tony realized that he had a completely baffled look on his face so he tried to smooth his face out into something more politic, only to see that everyone else had the same look. Stephen had even pulled out his phone and was reading something and Tony would have bet a million dollars that he had googled Wakanda and was reading the Wikipedia entry. “Be that as it may,” Natasha tried again, “we cannot bring a civilian to this fight. We won’t be able to protect you. If you stay here in Tony’s tower you will likely be safe.”
“With all due respect, Ms. Romanov-”
“We don’t have time for a debate,” Loki cut in impatiently, already in Stephen’s study. He held up his phone, where the green circle was getting smaller and smaller as the ship approached, narrowing in on Manhattan. “We must prepare our defenses. If this Prince is choosing to risk his life to assist us, that is his choice, and he is to be commended for it. I’ve never heard of Wakanda, but if its warriors are as courageous as its prince, it is a noble country indeed.” Then he turned away, out of sight of the portal, and with a final confused glance at the prince Stephen followed him. Tony opened his mouth to argue again, then looked helplessly at Natasha, who shrugged.
“For the love of God, please don’t die.” Tony finally gave in and gestured for Prince T’challa to go through Stephen’s portal. “Natasha and I will join you in a moment, we need to suit up,” he said over his shoulder, already jogging down the stairs. “I’ll bring you a weapon.”
“That will be unnecessary,” he heard Prince T’challa say behind him. Tony hesitated, wanting to go back and find out what the man meant by that, but after a second just shook his head and kept going, consigning the consequences of this decision to be Future Tony’s problem. Natasha was already stripping off her fancy suit as they went down the stairs, heading straight for the equipment locker located just outside the lab that still had her Black Widow suit and stingers, along with an entire gun store’s selection of sidearms.
“So do you know who we’re facing?” Natasha said behind him as she got dressed.
Tony ripped off his tie and threw his suit coat to the side, stepping out of his fancy shoes as he headed for the Mach 42. “The Children of Thanos which aren’t actually his kids so much as his special agents. Elite warriors. Head henchmen. Minibosses, I guess. When Loki invaded, he did so as a Child of Thanos.” As his suit closed over him, Tony felt instantly better, the claustrophobically silent darkness quickly replaced by the heads-up display and JARVIS’s voice in his ear, information already streaming on the periphery of his vision. “We won’t know which people Thanos sent until they step off the ship. Ready?” he asked, somewhat unnecessarily since he could see that Natasha was already redressed, tying her hair back into a no-nonsense ponytail. “By the way, I upgraded your stingers so be careful. I tested them on Thor and even he thought they packed a punch.”
“Awesome,” Natasha said, flashing Tony a quick smile. She did a quick pat down of herself, making sure the replacement stingers were on her belt, her stun batons were on her back, and that the pistols strapped to each thigh were firmly in their holsters. “Let’s go,”
The portal upstairs closed behind them as they stepped through, and Tony led the way out of Stephen’s office and down the stairs to where the others were assembled on the street outside the Sanctuary. The ship was visible to the eye now, a rather unassuming ring-shaped ship that was growing larger by the second. The street, usually pretty deserted this time of day, was slowly filling up with gawkers taking videos of the ship. Natasha urged them to evacuate but some of them were ignoring her in favor of filming; after a moment, Tony saw her take one guy’s phone and throw it down the street before shoving him after it, cursing at the others. Loki, Stephen, and Prince T’challa were all staring up at the ship as well; Loki’s suit had been replaced by his armor and to Tony’s surprise, the Prince’s fancy black suit had been replaced with what looked like a metallic bodysuit, close to what Tony had made for Peter but black and deep indigo instead of blue and red. A necklace of what looked like claws circled his neck, and he had a curious helmet held under one arm as he listened to Loki’s explanation of the Children of Thanos.
Tony was turning to examine the incoming ship as well when Peter’s face flashed up on his HUD with an incoming call. “Shit,” Tony cursed before he answered. “Peter, I need you to listen very carefully to me,” he said before Peter could say anything.
“Mr. Stark, there’s a spaceship-”
“I know,” Tony said, raising his voice to be heard over Peter's shouting. “I need you to not do exactly the thing you're doing right now which is freak out. I need a call for backup just like we planned-”
“Where are you? I can be there-”
“No!” Tony shouted. “No way. If I see your web slinging red and blue rear end anywhere near this fight I'm going to have JARVIS disable your suit, you hear me? You're not allowed to fight aliens from outer space until you're at least old enough to drink. Just call Steve and everybody else and we'll take care of this.”
“But Mr. Stark-”
“I'm hanging up now, Peter! I mean it. If any of us see you I’m going to have Loki or Stephen send you to Outer Mongolia and you’ll have to find your own way home, got it?” He cut off Peter’s next protest. The ship was starting to dominate the sky, imposing and alien, and as he looked back over at what felt like an anemic group of defenders he prayed that Steve and Barnes were still in town.
A blast of wind from the ship’s engines hit the street, kicking up dust and debris and finally sending people scurrying away. A blue beam speared down from the ship into the middle of the cloud of dust; Stephen gestured, a gold ball appearing in his hands, and when he thrust his hands out the ball exploded in a flash of light and wind and dust died down, revealing four aliens standing in the street. There was one big hulking scaly bastard carrying a hammer that drew the eye first, but he was standing behind a tall, skinny alien with a wrinkled, inhuman face that seemed to ooze arrogance and disdain. On the left side was a stooped, hooded gremlin-looking figure leaning on a long staff and the right was what looked like a woman with long blue hair with a weapon with spikes on one end like a strangely shaped trident.
“So these are the bad guys?” Stephen said under his breath.
“According to Loki, these are some of the worst guys,” Tony answered. “At least Thanos doesn’t take pleasure from hurting people.”
“So what do we do now?”
“See what they want, I guess,” Tony said, and started to walk towards them, but was stopped by Loki’s hand on his chest. He glanced over at Loki, but Loki’s eyes were on the skinny, Squidward looking bastard on the front. The look on Loki’s face was terrifying, full of cold hate and colder rage; it made the hair on Tony’s arm rise, because the only time he ever saw that look on Loki’s face was when he was looking forward to dealing someone a long, painful death.
“You will regret coming here, Children of Thanos,” Loki called out as stepped forward. “You have been sent on a suicide mission.”
Squidward only smirked and steepled his unsettlingly long fingers in front of his chest. “Loki," he said with an oily sort of pleasure. "The ingrate. I always knew you were unworthy of Thanos's favor. He is looking forward to seeing you again and has told me to tell you that the suffering you knew before would be trivial to what you will experience when you are under his control once again.”
“I’ll send Thanos my regards by carving them into your corpse, Ebony Maw,” Loki answered, smile like a knife. “You will never get your hands on the Infinity Stones."
"Will we not?" Maw's gaze skimmed over the rest of them dismissively, lip curled, and suddenly Tony got really excited about punching him in the face. "Surely you don't think that you and these...chattering animals can stop us? Hear me, and rejoice," he said, raising his voice so that the others could hear him, his words ringing in the street. "You are about to die at the hands of the Children of Thanos. Be thankful that your meaningless lives are now contributing to the balancing of the universe." To Tony's ear, the words had a practiced air; he wondered how many times this Ebony Maw had said these words before he'd presided over the massacre of an entire planet.
"You can save the speech, Maw, no one is interested," Loki spoke over him. The mindstone spear shimmered to existence in Loki's hand, long and sharp and gleaming, the stone glowing blue at the tip. Loki spun it in his hands idly, and Maw's scowl said that he recognized it. "Now, if we’re done exchanging pleasantries, shall we begin?”