Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mark checked the time and hummed, lifting his hand up above his head and stretching out with a loud satisfied noise. 

“Alright, I think that's the stream for tonight chat, I’m just gonna let you guys go” he smiled, looking over to his chat going forty miles a minute with variations of ‘bye’, he hovered over the end stream button, “hello VOD watchers I hope you're doing well, bye chat!”

He pressed the end button and relaxed back into his chair with a heavy sigh. He stayed there for a moment before sitting up a bit more and closing down all the streaming software he had opened up, once he was sure that he had ended his stream for sure he moved over to his discord and unmuted from his call with Tubbo.

“Welcome back, big man.”

Mark smiled softly and went back to idly playing, “good to be back, did you miss me?” he joked.

Toby laughed on the other end, a lot softer now that he didn't need to play up for the stream, “I did, it was lonely.”

“Well there's no need for that now.”

They sat in silence for a bit. Mark was wandering around the smp, going back home  after yet another fruitless god apple quest, his main character energy had limitations apparently.

“I can't  wait for you to actually get here, there's so much I want to do.” Toby said almost absentmindedly.

Mark nodded and smiled wide, that familiar feeling of childish excitement bubbling up in his chest. 

“I can't wait to finally see you in person,” fuck that’s a bit much, “can't wait to see how small you are in real life.” Nice save?

“Fuck you, I’ll remind you that I am perfect dick punching height,” Toby retorted and Mark could hear the smile in his words.

“And I’ll remind you , that I can just pick you up and hold you out like a cat.”

They kept at their playful arguing, the actual insults losing heat and making less sense by the minute. Mark glanced over to his spotify and  sifted through his library until he scrolled past a private playlist, he stared at it for a moment, considering if he really should listen to it now, and if he could handle it at the moment.

He decided that yea, he would be fine and pressed play, letting the music  flow through his headphones, adjusting the volume so he could still hear Toby.

“You still there?”

Mark tabbed back into the game and nodded, “yep, sorry I was choosing some music.”

“It's alright I was just talking about how…”

Their conversation continued and eventually migrated to just a conversation, no games, just chatting. Toby had left to go to the washroom and that left Mark in the call alone for a moment just listening to his music.

The song suddenly switched over. It started with a funky synth and Mark’s finger hovered over the skip button but then the words started.

Hey girl, it's the first time

I've looked at somebody like this

Hey girl, I'm so nervous

You look so fine, you make me shiver like crazy

Say you want me now

I am scared as hell

Yeah, I don't even know if you are nervous

I can't tell

Say you love me now

Please, I'm scared as hell

I've never been in love before

I don't know what to do

The song, as twitter says, hits differently, especially when you're in love with your best friend. Mark had never really been in love before, sure he had had one girlfriend in the past if you could call it that since it lasted all of nine months until they both figured out that there were no feeling so neither side, after that and a rejection or two he had given up on dating for the most part, deciding that later was the better option for him. 

Then he met Toby, and at first it was a weird friendship, if it was that at all, but as they got closer and talked more, Mark started feeling something start to make a home in his chest. A light fluttering feeling whenever he heard a laugh, the want to be around Toby, missing him when they weren't talking. Before he knew it he had developed feelings for his best friend.

That was why he made the stupid playlist in the first place. It had come about late one night, before he figured out what he was feeling. He had been awake with a hollow feeling in his chest, the feeling that his bed felt empty in a way, he felt that there should be someone there to keep him company, but there wasn't anyone, so in an attempt to figure out what was going on, he shuffled through his usual playlist for a while. Nothing was easing the feeling in his chest until fly me to the moon came on, and then all at once the feeling was gone.

After that he made a playlist of love songs that eased the feeling in his chest, and when he had finally figured out what the feeling was, Mark played it when he needed to let himself drift away with fantasies that would only live in his head.

Maybe he couldn't have Toby, but he could pretend that their marriage in the dream smp and origins was something. He could let himself believe that he was both deserving of that sort of relationship and of Toby in general. 

He was lucky to call him a friend and Mark was not going to jeopardize that for anything.

“Sorry I took so long, boss man,” Toby said as he unmuted, the muffled sounds of fabric coming through the mic meant he was in bed now, “I got something to eat and then got,” he yawned, “ready for bed.”

Mark hummed softly and nodded, he really wanted to lay down, he needed to since he was flying out at six in the morning for about ten hours, all of which meant that he was getting woken up at around two in the morning to actually go to the airport and get through security.

“Are you tired?” He asked.

“A little bit yea, but I like talking to you, you have a nice voice,” Toby said softly.

Mark smiled and quickly switched the call over to his phone, it was seven for him so it was around three in the morning for Toby, he felt a little bad for keeping him up but then again, it meant he got to talk to him.

As Mark was getting himself somewhat ready for bed — he was at least changing into pajamas, rather than lounge clothes —  Toby changed topic from what he was talking about.

“Can I see your face, please?”

Really how could he say no to a sleepy Toby. Mark pulled his shirt over his head and flopped back into bed, he grabbed his phone and switched on the camera option, smiling a little when Toby switched his on as well.

“There we go, now I can fall asleep to your pretty face.” he teased.

Mark looked away and let out a shy chuckle, “I wouldn't say that,” he muttered.

Toby suddenly perked up a  little bit, “That means I can finally see you in 4K!”

“Oh god I’m sorry about that.” He said instantly.

Toby was silent for a moment, “no I think you're very pretty, boss man,” Toby insisted, “I don't know how you can't see it, I mean” he yawned and snuggled deeper into his blankets, “such nice eyes, and a nice voice, not to mention you’re like so tall, ladies love height from what I’ve heard.” He chuckled. 

Mark blushed red and went to turn out his lights, getting himself under the covers.

“Tubbo,” he said in the same way he would when they were playing Minecraft and he doubted him, or at least he hoped it came out that way.

“I’m serious, you have to give yourself some credit, you are very pretty and your chat knows it too,” Toby let out another larger yawn and Mark could see his eyes struggling to stay open, “I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you when you get here.”

Mark nodded and swallowed hard, “I guess so, but I hope you're ready for a fight.”

“Always.”

“Goodnight Tubbo,” he said softly and reached out to plug his phone in.

“Night, boo.”

The call ended and Mark got comfortable in bed, letting his mind drift off to sleep with the ideas of Toby meaning what he had said.

He wasn't sure if he would survive England if he got this sort of thing all the time.

He would just have to manage.

Chapter Text

Airport security was awful. Really, he should have been ready for it from what he had heard floating around, but Mark really underestimated how long it would take and how annoying it was going to be. 

For starters, it was like four in the morning and rightfully, he stupidly assumed that there wouldn't be anyone going through security. Boy was he wrong because at, again, four in the morning, with the sun barely out, there were already so many people flying out.

LAX security sucked, the scanners were weird but luckily they didn't beep when he went through because in his tired and anxious state, Mark wasn't very sure if he could handle being talked to let alone scanned by a random person.

All that was behind him now though, and he still had an hour before they took off and roughly forty five minutes before they started boarding.

Mark was currently sitting in the boarding area waiting for them to actually tell him to get on the plane, he was getting a little bit antsy though and he had thought about getting up for a walk but then what if they start boarding without him and he misses the flight. His brain spiraled hard in circles until he wanted to smash his head in, so he did the next best thing. Mark plugged in his headphones and pressed play on his traveling playlist, he was about to close his phone but then switched over to discord. He opened his messages with Toby and snapped a picture of himself at the airport.

Toby responded almost instantly and Mark smiled at the picture he sent back of him eating lunch. It made him feel a little better.

Mark hesitated over the keyboard, looking at the blinking cursor and sighed, typing out the message as best he could with his tiredness.

His finger hovered over the send button and he decided that if something went wrong then he could blame it on the sleep deprivation and call it a day. He pressed send and anxiously stared at the screen waiting to see how badly he had fucked up.

He waited as those taunting three dots appeared on his screen.

Mark smiled and relaxed in his seat.

They ended up messaging back and forth over what they were going to do after he landed. All their plans had the contingency of Mark not being so tired that he was falling asleep on his feet, because he was going to try his hardest to not fall asleep until he got to Toby’s house so the jet lag didn't hit him that hard.

They were so engrossed in their conversation that he nearly missed his call for boarding but he wished Toby a good bye and a see you soon and made his way up to line up to get properly boarded.

He was kinda happy hat he got an aisle seat since it meant he didn't have to endure the super awkward ‘excuse me’ to try and move around, the legroom and the height was going to me a time for ten hours but fake trips to the bathroom every few hours would have to suffice in terms of moving around. Head brought along some snacks as well since it was a ten hour flight. It wasn't as if he had nothing to do for the ten hours though, he had downloaded a lot of movies as well as some VOD’s to watch which should take up most of his time there, so really he would survive just fine.

During the final thirty minutes of his flight Mark had a startling realization that came, ironically, as he was watching one of Toby’s old streams. Despite the fact that they had been planning this trip for literally months,  the realization that he was going to have to be very careful about how he acted around his friend had never actually set in.

Mark wasn't stupid, he knew exactly what he looked like when he was talking to Toby. he looked at his fried like he had hung the star and the mood just for him, which was fine since Toby never seemed to actually notice and if he did he never mentioned it but being in person was going to cause a lit more issues for him than being separated by a screen and an entire ocean. Mark was not what one would call a very physical person, but he appreciated the intimacy of touch — wow who knew he would sound even more touch starved. He appreciated hugs and all that other causal intimacy that came with having friends, he loved it even, but he wasn't in love with any of his friends back home. It would be different with Toby. It would mean more with Toby.

Mark sighed and leaned his head back staring up at the bland, generic, cream coloured ceiling, almost wishing to hear some god;y advice from...somewhere. He would be lying if he said that the reality of seeing his crush (god, that word) didn't affect him. It did. A lot. That realization kinda stung though, because it meant that he wouldn't be able to see causal intimacy from romantic intimacy and he would have to keep reminding himself to not see it that way. It kind of hurt him in a way, that he knew, deep down he wouldn't be able to genuinely enjoy those sorts of touches from his best friend because he had to go and fall in love, he had to ruin his side of the relationship. It was frustrating.

It was a little funny in some aspects though. He had gotten so reliant on interacting through digital programs and through mics that et him mute if he was goign to say something stupid because he couldn't help it, or if he took an extra minute to agonize over a sentence he always just blamed it on lag, hell, even messages, where he could go over a simple sentence a dozen times before he sent it and ultimately decide if he even wanted to send it if to sounded just this side of romantic. He had gotten so reliant on technology to help him hide his feelings that he had forgotten that in real life when he said something dumb it was there forever. No mute. No lag. No deleting before he saw it. If he slipped up and outed his feelings on the trip, there was nothing he could do to take that back. There would be nothing he could do to try and fix the relationship he inevitably would break. 

He wasn't even sure of the consequences of actually admitting it to Toby, would he need to go home? 

Would he stay with him living in shame for four months? 

Would Toby end their friendship?

He didn't know.

He didn't want to know.

He didn't think he could handle the thought of no longer being friends with Toby, feelings aside. He was important. He was Mark’s best friend and he would rather hide his love for him and keep him as a friend than tell him and risk the loss. 

The cabin PA pinged overhead and their pilot started speaking about their descent, giving transfer information, telling them about the paperwork that needed to be filled out for them to be able to actually be allowed into the country and all that fun airport stuff. 

After a very tedious and rather annoying process for getting through customs and getting his bags Mark was off and out of the arrival gates, looking around the area until he spotted Toby’s parents waving at him. He smiled widely at them and walked over, greeting them with brief hugs. 

“It’s so good to finally see you,” Toby’s mother said as she hugged him tightly.

Mark smiled and hugged her back, getting that familiar motherly vibe from her. 

He was led out of arrivals and out to the parking lot to the car. He had quite a few bags since he was staying for a while as well as bringing some recording and camera equipment so he was a bit relieved when everything fit just fine. Toby had stayed home to lessen the chances of him getting spotted and their little trip and surprise ruined. 

“Oh, here you go,” Toby’s father said and handed him a paper holder, “this SIM card should work fine for the bit you're here, your new number is written on one of the sides,”

“Oh thank you, I had forgotten about it.” he smiled at him.

The ride to Toby’s house was nice. He expected it to be a lot more awkward but both of Toby’s parents were very excited to have him stay with them and were talking about all the places that he needed to go when he went out into town, after his two week quarantine of course. It was nice, he felt at home.

By the time they arrived the tiredness was starting to slowly settle into his bones. The anxiety and adrenaline from flying and dealing with the airport was finally wearing off and the lack of sleep was settling in, but Mark knew his body and he knew that he had about four or five hours left before he properly needed to go to bed.

Almost as soon as Toby’s parents opened the door Mark saw Toby sprint out past them. He had a split second to be ready for it but Mark managed to brace for the hug so they didn't topple over. He hugged Toby back tightly and hooked his chin over his head. They didn't let go for a bit, just hugging tightly and Mark was over the moon at finally being able to hug him properly. It was amazing, and he couldn't help but note how nicey Toby fit against  him, the near foot height difference they had meant that he fit like a puzzle piece with his head coming right under his chin. Mark squeezed him a little tighter, accidentally tucking Toby into his chest before letting go slightly.

“You're finally here!” Toby beamed up at him.

Mark smiled wide, hoping his eyes conveyed what was hidden by the mask. “I thought you’d be shorter.” he joked and playfully ruffled his hair.

“Hey!”

They both headed inside and Toby showed him around his house a bit, leading him to where he would be sleeping where all the bathrooms were as well as laying out all the house rules and all that. It was nice. Strangely domestic.

“The bathroom’s over there, you can set your stuff in your room and I’ll get you some towles,” Toby said, “oh have you eaten yet?”

Mark shook his head, “nope, didn't really have much time, also airport food kinda sucks.”

Toby hummed, “I can order some pizza if you want.”

“That sounds good.”

Toby smiled and nodded, standing in the doorway, “I’ll let you shower big man, I’ll be back with some towels and stuff,then we can eat some pizza.” 

Mark watched as he left the room and sighed with a relieved smile. 

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

Chapter Text

The good news in terms of traveling to the UK was that the jet lag didn't hit him very hard, which was good. The bad thing was that until he released the information that he was over in the UK he had to be awake at five thirty in the morning to keep the times kind of consistent and because of an eight hour difference, khe had to be awake very early.

The stream itself had been going well though, he was playing some Minecraft, before he was playing some Stardew with Toby who had graciously agreed to wake up early but he did have to go since he got called away from something. Mark ended up playing for a bit longer until he saw Toby’s head peek into the room through the door, he mouthed that breakfast was ready. Mark nodded and turned back to his stream.

“Well,” he clapped, “that's gonna be the stream, let’s see who's live...oh let's raid Punz, well that's it, goodbye chat!”

The stream died and he quickly closed all the software to make sure.

“Let's go eat!”

Breakfast was just them, thankfully since Mark didn't think he could handle the awkward family breakfast as he got settled into the dynamic at the house, he managed to skate by yesterday since he was tired and he and Toby ate on their own, and besides Toby’s parents and sister needed to go to work and school anyways so they were steering very clear from him and Toby for the remainder of his quarantine.

“I was watching your stream.” Toby said with half stuffed cheeks. 

He looked honestly adorable like that, a little sleepy, puffy cheeks, and a slight smile. It made his heart swell.

Mark nodded and smiled as he shoved a forkful of food into his mouth, “oh yea?”

“Yea, it was good, I really like the Stardew Valley part of it.”

Mark rolled his eyes and drank a bit of coffee, “is that just because you were on it?”

He didn't even try to deny it and nodded with a wide smile, “yep, I think it was your best content yet.”

“Maybe I’ll have you on my streams more often.”

“I think that's your best idea yet big man.”

They continued eating and chatting for a lot longer than Mark would usually take to eat his breakfast but it was nice. It was nice to be able to talk to Toby in person, in real time, without a million plus miles between them. There was a familiar feeling building in his chest as he stared at Toby during one of their lulls of silence. He watched as the light filtered in and light him up from the side, how it softly illuminated his hair, making it seem soft and fluffy and Mark had to hold back the urge to reach out and gently run his fingers through it. 

He had made a mistake though, in noting that Toby looked pretty in the light because once he started he couldn't stop, all he saw was how the light was hitting his skin, the way his skin looked like it was glowing. 

Mark looked down at his plate and frowned a bit when he saw it was empty.

“I’m gonna go wash up.”

Mark stood at the sink washing his plates and cups when Toby slid in next to him, practically pressed against him. Mark froze and looked over to him as he quickly washed up his plates and cup. 

“You know I could have done that for you right?”

“Please you're a guest I wouldn't make you do my dishes,” he smiled up at him, meeting Mark’s raised eyebrow with a bright and innocent smile.

“You look really nice today by the way.” Toby commented as he set the plates aside to dry. 

Mark knew what he was dressed in. He was in a pair of sweatpants and a black shirt, he had kind of styled his hair and even then it was still massy from bed.

“I look like I rolled out of bed five minuted ago.” He commented.

Toby shrugged and walked out of the kitchen, heading up to his bathroom, Mark followed until they had to part ways. 

“I mean if that’s what you consider looking nice then you look stunning.”

Mark froze.

There were a dozen or so alarm bells in his head and his heart was picking up it's pace.

Toby let out a shy laugh and rubbed at the back of his neck. “Thanks boss man, say do you want to watch a movie after?”

Mark nodded quickly and prayed that his voice was even as he spoke. “Yea that sounds good, we can finally watch Deadpool.” 

Toby nodded and smiled.

“See you then big man.”

“See ya.”

Mark’s heart was hammering and he was over thinking of why he had even said that. Sure, he was tired but he wasn't that tired, maybe it was the buzz from the stream and the sickly sweet feeling in his chest? He wasn't sure. He couldn't really be sure and not knowing what was going on in his head and he didn't like not knowing why he was feeling how he was. It was frustrating; but it is in the past now. All he needed to focus on right now was brushing his teeth and going up to watch a movie with Toby.

He could do this.

He couldn't do this.

As soon as Mark’s body hit the couch he was smacked in the face with how tired he was. He was always tired after streams since he had to put up so much of his energy and play up so much of what was going on to make it entertaining but he was also tired from not having slept a whole lot. He had fallen asleep around one in the morning after hours of tossing and turning in his bed.

The four hours of sleep and the pull of energy had really done a number on him and he was starting to feel it now.

On the bright side though, both of them were focused on the movie and were only kind of chatting so Mark could be at peace with the fact that he wasn't going to accidentally profess his feelings or make any other sus comments and compliments. 

There was a difference between how they were on live and how they were on stream and both of them knew that they had to lay up both their personalities. Don't get him wrong, Toby was a chaotic little shit but it was a noticeable difference. It kind of hurt him sometimes though, knowing that Toby played up his personality on streams because all the flirting  and the suggestive stuff that made his heart race, made him laugh, blush, if it was a sappy emotion Mark had probably felt it at some point on stream  and the knowledge that it was dramatized or just for a bit hurt him sometimes.

You just had to go and fall in love with a person who only pretends to care about you deeply.

Sure he cares, but he’ll never love you like that and you know it.

You could have chosen anyone else on that server and you would have had a better chance, but now you're stuck here.

Mark bit the inside of his cheek and looked off to the side, wiping at his eyes quickly before Toby saw and asked. 

He wouldn't be able to explain it if he wanted to. 

He isn't good at connecting his thoughts to his mouth and Mark honestly cannot trust himself to tell Toby without messing something up.

As his mind spun around in circles he felt sleep finally take what it needed and soon the world around him faded into darkness as the sounds of the movie slowly disappeared.

He was walking along a beach back home. It was a nice day out. The sun was high in the sky, the breeze smelled of salt and vaguely of fried food from a food truck that was likely nearby and the water was cool enough to refresh you but not enough to kill you. It was a perfect day. 

Mark was walking along the shore line with his sneakers in his hands, letting the waves wash over his feet. 

He wasn't really sure why he was walking along the water but it felt really nice and calming so he wasn't going to stop any time soon.

He looked over to the horizon and paused. The sun was starting to go down and it had turned to Golden hour. The ocean looked beautiful as the sky was starting to saturate with the colours of sunset. 

Something grabbed at his hand. Mark turned to look at who it was and was pleasantly surprised to see Toby, though he knew deep down he shouldn't be, he was expecting Toby to be there.

“Now I know what you were talking about when you said California sunsets were something you just had to see.”

Mark hummed and looked down at their hands, twining their fingers together. 

“I’m glad you like it.”

“It's really romantic, wouldn't you say big man?” Toby asked, looking up at him. 

He looked beautiful in the golden sunlight, he looked warm and inviting.

“You could say that yea.”

They were getting closer now, Toby’s fingers trailing up his arms to his shoulders, leaving fire and goosebumps as they went. Mark reached out and carefully held Toby’s hips.

“I can name a lot of movies where this is like,” Toby said and looked off to the side at the water, “the climactic romantic scene.”

Toby’s hands were fully looped around his neck and Mark had him held close by the hips, enjoying the way their bodies pressed together nicely. 

Mark lifted a hand and carefully moved Toby’s face to look at him, giving him an easy, lazy smile. 

“Do you like movie moments, boo?”

“I do, you know that.”

They both knew where this was going and neither of them cared all that much about it, that much was very clear.

“Then would it be okay if I,” Toby muttered and leaned up, inching his face closer to Marks. 

“Of course,” he said and leaned down, meeting him halfway in a sweet kiss.

Mark opened his eyes to the end credits playing on screen.

A dream.

It had all been a dream.

He had never had those sorts of dreams before though, never once had he dreamt about Kissing Toby, holding his hand, or taking him to see a sunset in California. It was strange and he didn't know what that meant for him.

Was his crush getting worse?

Was it that he was suddenly a lot closer to the boy?

Was it that he was a teenager who was very touch starved?

All of those were answers that made sense but he didn't know which one, if any, was actually the right one.

Mark made to sit up straight when he felt a weight on his side drag him back. He looked over and his heart both melted and dropped completely. Toby had also fallen asleep on him. They leaned against each other on the couch, having leaned in towards each other as they napped. That brought him some peace since it meant that they were both at fault for this.

He should really wake up Toby, his mind was screaming at him to wake him up so it wouldn't be awkward later. His heart, on the other hand, was telling him to stay put and to just enjoy it for what it was. That he was never going to get this sort of thing outside of this moment so he may as well just enjoy it for what it was. 

Mark should listen to his brain. It has saved him on many occasions but just this once, he was going to listen to his heart.

Mark shuffled a bit and leaned into Toby again, letting his head lean off to the side as he drifted off to sleep again.

After another undetermined amount of time Mark sort of half woke up. He was in the weird semi conscious state where his eyes were open and he was taking in his surroundings but he was still half asleep and not thinking properly.

He felt fingers gently brushing through hair and the faint sound of the television playing in front of him. He opened his eyes a little and looked around best he could without moving so the lovely fingers in his hair wouldn't stop. 

He was laying a bit more comfortably on the sofa, and his head was on Toby's shoulders going off the fact that everything was sideways and he felt someone’s head bending over his, so likely tucked into the crook of his neck. Those were also definitely fingers in his hair. They were gently scratching at the scalp and running though his hair in slow rhythmic movements that undid any tension he had in his body.

All Mark thought as he fell asleep once again was about how nice it felt to be taken care of like that.

Chapter Text

There was a clatter somewhere in the house. Mark jolted slightly from the noise and groaned softly as he let himself wake up. He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

Wait, ceiling?

Mark looked down and yep, he was laying across the couch.

Why was he laying on the couch weren't they watching a movie?

Mark remembered watching the movie and then… he fell asleep.

The dream. 

He had forgotten the dream.

He still remembered it. It was so vivid it was like a memory. Most people forget their dreams, he knows he does. Mark hasn't remembered a dream long term in a very long while and the ones he did remember were either very grandiose or traumatic nightmares. 

He had never had dreams like that before ever, not with any of the other people he had had crushes on, not even the one person he had actually dated. Why was Toby different. Why was Mark having dreams about him?

He had to admit though, it was a nice dream. He remembered how everything felt, how the sand felt under his feet as he walked through the water, the cool breeze blowing through his hair. It was everything he knew was true about being on the beach at sunset. He also remembered everything about Toby being there from the way his presence felt next to him, to how his hands felt against him. Mark could still feel the ghosts of the touches over his skin. How warm his hands felt as he laced their fingers, the electric feeling of his fingertips  grazing his arms and his neck as they wrapped around his neck. He even remembered the kiss, no matter how brief it was, he remembered  all of it, how at peace he felt, how right it all felt and how soft Toby’s lips were. He would be lying if he said that he didn't want to kiss Toby at that moment, just to feel that lightness all over again. 

The door opened and Toby walked in with some food halfway in his mouth. 

“Good afternoon sleepy head.” He teased and sat down by his feet.

“Did you get lunch without me?” Mark asked with fake offense. 

Toby shrugged and swallowed his food, “ you looked really,” he paused for a moment and then hurridly shoved some food in his mouth, “uh, tired, from like your stream, so I left you to sleep.”

Mark was a bit suspicious but accepted the response from him regardless. Mark smiled and nodded, looking back to the couch to see the pillow laid where his head would have hit. 

Did Toby lay him down?

“I appreciate it, thank you.”

“Of course.” Toby smiled.

Mark smiled back at him. They both just sort of stared at each other for a bit, nothing awkward, just a nice staring where there was no need to say anything and they could just...look. Toby had a slight smile on his face and his head was tilted a little bit. The look was so vulnerable and raw that Mar had to look away before he internalized it and drew up incorrect conclusions.

“Well since you didn't wake me up, I’m gonna go take over your kitchen.”

“Oh god, goodbye kitchen.” Toby laughed as he followed Mark.

Truth be told Mark had no idea what he was going to make himself for lunch so he decided to just make himself a breakfast sandwich since he definitely could make breakfast the same way all the time.

Mark was quiet as he cooked, really he was a quiet  person in general when he wasn't playing. He was a chill dude, he liked to think and Toby had told him a number of times. Mark stood over the stove, a bit hunched over from the height. He cracked two eggs into a plate and started whisking them with a fork. 

“What are you making?” Toby asked as he hopped up on the counter. 

“Breakfast sandwich, do you want one?” He asked, salting the eggs.

“Nah, I'm good, thank you though.”

Mark nodded and continued cooking his lunch. 

It was really nice to cook, he missed it. He didn't get to do a lot of cooking back home very often because of school and his parents, so this amount of freedom was nice. 

Mark moved around the kitchen easily, asking Toby where things were so he didn't have to go looking through everything. Toby though had been silent the entire time and would only really talk when he was asked something. 

Normally that would worry him, it would worry anyone but he found this kind of silence nice, it was the same silence as the one upstairs where they were just staring at each other smiling stupidly.

He had noticed something else other than the silence. Toby had been staring at him. Naturally he probably would be watching him cook since they had nothing to do but it was the way that he looked at Mark that struck him as odd. 

 Toby would watch him with a small smile on his face as he looked around and tried to assemble a decent breakfast sandwich with as much filling food as he could find. There was a look in his eyes that Mark had only seen a very rare amount of times; it was a soft look, gentle, kind and almost similar to how you would look at a beloved object. He couldn't be very sure though since he got very brief glances that only lasted a few seconds but the more he saw the more the looks felt like they were private, like it was something Toby thought he was hiding because didn't think Mark could see him. The only other times Mark had caught Toby staring at him like he was the sole focus on the world was usually when they were on late night calls and Mark was getting sleepy. Toby’s face would soften and his eyes would smile longingly in a way that made Mark hot all over. Mark didn't know why he was looking at him like that, but it felt nice. It made him feel a little important.

Mark smiled at the thought as he buttered his toast. 

Now that he thought about it, back in the living room, when they were just staring, it almost seemed like Toby was waiting for Mark to do something, maybe Mark was waiting for Toby to do something as well, he wasn't sure. He very easily could have kissed him, it wouldn't even have been hard. All Mark would have had to do to kiss Toby was just reach out and pull him in, it would have been so easy to just press their lips together and recreate his dream. But that was where his thoughts stopped. It would only be a dream and he had to keep himself aware of that.

Mark was nearly finished  with his sandwich now and as soon as he slapped the final piece of toast on it, he shoved it in his mouth. He let out a sound of  very high satisfaction as his eyes rolled back a bit.

“Is it that good of a sandwich?” Toby asked him with a small nervous laugh. 

Marked nodded and looked at him properly, seeing his slightly weirded out expression and...was he blushing? He definitely was, his cheeks looked a lot more red and hsi nose was starting to pink up a bit. 

Wow he really is that far gone for him that he knows what Toby looks like when he blushes based on what's different in his face.

Mark loved that for him.

“It's amazing, you're really missing out.”

“I sure bet.”

The rest of their day had gone relatively well. They were both rather tired from streaming still and technically couldn't leave the house so they ended up playing some games on the switch, the computer and they even went into the yard and touched some grass. It was wonderful, but now they had been inside for a while getting ready for bed. They weren't  going to go to bed for a while but they were going to hang out and neither really felt like having to get changed really ate.

Mark was in the shower, letting the hot water boil him alive and relax him more. The water was peaceful and conducive to thinking. Those shower thoughts were actually often where Mark got a lot of stream ideas but it was also where he over analyzed his interactions with Toby. 

Right now was an over-analysis moment. 

He had been thinking about today, specifically about how he half woke up to Toby running his fingers through his hair, having very clearly maneuvered them so Mark was on his shoulder. He didn't really know if it was real in the first place, but it all felt so real that it had to be and if it was real then that brought up the question of why? Why would Toby want to go through so much trouble for him?

A small part of his heart said it was because he was also scared and felt the same. Mark knew that wasn't true though. 

The kitchen moments too, the private smiles, the way he looked at him with such care and kindness that Mark had just never seen him use on their friends when they did video calls together. 

Maybe his heart had a bit more merit than he wanted to believe. 

Hope was very dangerous but maybe this time, it was a little justified.

Once they were both showered and changed they ended up just hanging out in Toby’s room as planned, chatting and joking around and they even ended up watching a movie on his laptop for a bit. As the night wore on they got more and more comfortable on the bed, ensign up just completely laying down, turned to each other as they chatted quietly about anything that they wanted to. 

Mark didn't even notice when he fell asleep.

Chapter Text

The night stars were beautiful. Mark leaned back against the roof and stared up at the night sky, getting lost in it's endless stars and deep void. Space was a scary thing to a lot of people. Space was unsettling in how unfathomably large it was and how vast. Mark thought space was beautiful in the same way the deep ocean was beautiful, it was vast and deep and unexplored and because of it's mystery and richness, it was beautiful. 

Mark turned his head and smiled at Toby softly, both of them chuckling when they locked eyes.

“The stars are beautiful.” Mark smiled softly.

“I come up here when I need to be alone, on a clear night it does the trick.”

Mark nodded and stared at Toby for a moment chuckling at the shiver that ran through him. 

“Are you cold?” He asked. 

“A little.”

Mark nodded and sat up, taking off his hoodie, passing it to Toby. 

“Here, I had a sweater on anyway.”

Toby looked at the sweater and carefully put it on, “are you sure?”

“Yea, if i get cold I can just cuddle you.”

Toby looked away for a moment before he smiled widely.

Toby looked adorable in his hoodie. It was massive on him and he was swimming in the fabric. His fingers were just barely peeking over the sleeves and the bottom of the hoodie reached his mid thighs.

“You're staring, boo.”

“I know,” he hummed, “you look cute.” Mark smiled and shuffled closer.

Toby bit his lip and moved closer, taking the initiative and swinging a leg over Mark's hips, sitting himself in his lap.

Mark held his hips and tugged him closer, pressing their chests together.

“I love it when you wear my clothes.” he whispered and kissed the side of his mouth, “you look cute,” he kissed his cheek, “you look mine.” He misled brushing their lips together.

“You sappy fuck.” Toby smiled and leaned forward pressing their lips together hard. 

Mark smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Toby.

Mark’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled.

That was the best sleep he had gotten in ages.

Arms wrapped around his middle and a leg tugged him in closer. 

Mark froze. 

Oh no.

No

No

No 

No 

No

He didn't fall asleep with Toby.

Nope

If he didn't look down, then it never happened.

Toby’s head pressed under his chin and he tucked into his neck even more.

Mark sighed and lifted his head a bit and looked down at him. Toby looked cute. He had his arms wrapped around his middle, a leg thrown over his hips and he was pressed as closely as possible to Mark. Toby wasn't the only one though because Mark had an arm under his neck, the other was wrapped around him and keeping Toby close and his thigh was shoved between Toby’s legs. A quick glance over their shoulders revealed lots of space between both sides of the bed. They had met in the middle. That was comforting at least, since it meant that Mark hadn't clung to Toby in the middle of the night.

Truthfully the position felt nice, it was comfortable and Mark was more than happy to stay there, just taking what he can get. Toby was a physically affectionate person anyways so it was probably going to be fine. 

Mark gave into his selfish desires and tightened his hold on Toby, tucking him even closer to his chest and pressing a kiss to the top of his head before returning it to the original position.

Mark rubbed Toby’s back gently as he thought back to his dream. It was another romantic dream. He had kissed Toby one more time. And he flirted too, good for him. Dream Toby looked really cute in his clothes and he kind of wanted to try and give him a hoodie sometime. Maybe he would have them head out to see the stars and everything. 

 The dreams looked like they were there to stay and in a weird way Mark didn't mind. Like he probably should care that he’s having dreams like that about his friend. It didn't end the best in heatwaves.

Mark wasn't in a fanfiction though, so maybe this was okay, maybe this was his brain's way of dealing with a relationship that would never come to be, because unlike Dream and George, Toby didn't like him in the slightest so it was fine to live in a fantasy world for a bit.

Mar wasn't very sure how long they were cuddled up for, in truth he lost track of time as he faded in and out of sleep, listening to Toby’s rhythmic breathing, feeling his warm skin, overall just enjoying the feeling of having their bodies pressed together like in all his dreams. God knows this is the closest he is ever going to get to having that.

Eventually though Toby’s breathing changed — he would know after listening to it for so long — and the arms around him tightened as Toby smiled against his neck, fluttering eyelashes tickling the skin.

“Good morning.” Mark said quietly, voice gravely and deep from disuse.

“Morning.” Toby said. God his morning voice was so pretty.

Mark felt the exact moment when Toby realized what position they were in because he tensed and started to shuffle away.

“Sorry,” he said quickly, “God, I'm so sorry.”

Mark tightened his hold on the boy and shook his head, “it's okay.” he smiled.

What was he saying?

“Are...are you sure?”

He nodded, “it’s fine it was…” he blushed and looked away, “really nice actually.”

He was not supposed to be doing this, he wasn't supposed to be telling Toby that he likes cuddling with him, all he was supposed to do was enjoy it while it lasted and then suck it up.

“Yea, I really liked it too.” Toby said and looked away, then back at Mark’s chest.

They were in an awkward slice for a moment, both very clearly wanting to keep cuddling but being too shy to ask, so in an act of idiotic bravery Mark decided to take on for the team — the team being him.

“Would you mind if we...you know, kept going?” He asked awkwardly, hands already loosening a bit in case Toby said no and put even more distance between them.

“No...no I think that would be, would be nice.” He muttered with a small smile and scooted closer.

Mark sighed in relief and carefully pulled Toby towards him, letting the boy get settled against him comfortably before settling himself. 

This position was a bit different than the one before. Toby was pressed up against him, chest to chest like last time, but this time one of Toby’s hands was pressed against his back, fingers twitching with the want to move. Mark wanted to do the same.

“You can move your hand if you want,” he whispered with a small laugh to his voice.

Toby smiled against his neck and started gently running his fingers over Mark's spine, sending pleasant little shivers all over him. Mark carefully and slowly moved one of his hands to tangle in Toby’s hair and gently run through it while the other one wrapped around his hips and pressed against his lower back, thumb rubbing over the exposed skin from his shirt having ridden up. 

One of Toby’s legs hooked over his hips again and they pressed even closer than before. 

They stayed there cuddled up for a while, simply enjoying the feeling of the other’s body. Mark was at least and he was loving every second of it.

“Mark,” Toby said softly, almost whisper-like, against his neck.

He hummed and stopped the hand in his hair to not jostle his head accidentally. 

He was already braced for the worse but when Toby asked him, “can we keep doing this?” he sighed and melted against him, nodding happily.

“We can do this whenever you want.”

Toby smiled against his neck, his lips were practically pressed against it. Mark could feel his lips brush over the sensitive skin every time he spoke. 

“Good, because I really have to piss, and I'm hungry.”

Mark let out a loud laugh but nodded nonetheless and eased his arms from a round Toby, more than happy to let him go because he got to cuddle him again later. 

“We need to stream today,” Toby said with a yawn as he sat up.

“We can stream after breakfast, I’ll say I was up late or something.”

Chapter Text

Mark and Tony were on their last leg or their quarantine period and they both would be lying if they said they weren't looking forward to being able to meet up with their friends in person. Mark was a bit nervous to go outside into the real world but it was fine because he would be with Toby and with his friends so they would keep him both safe and calm.

They were currently doing an early morning stream together and Mark had somehow managed to convince Toby to play a horror game with him which was a feat all in it's own because he did not want to play it, but here they are nearly two hours into the stream and scared out of their minds.

Mark laughed nervously and as he hesitated at a corner. 

“There's gonna be a jumpscare, chat, I know there is, and I know it's gonna get me.” he sighed and took a deep breath.

His character turned the corner and was surprised when there wasn't one.

“Oh maybe I was— AAAHHH!” The jump scare was a few feet away from the corner and he was right, it did scare him. 

He could hear Toby laughing both from the other room and through the call.

“Did you get scared by the big man?” He teased.

Mark rolled his eyes and kept cautiously moving on with the game, “please like you haven't been avoiding moving the entire time after the first three jumpscares.

There was silence for a split second and then a quietly muttered, “shut up.”

Mark laughed softly and looked over to the call for a second, small smile on his face, kinda wishing he could see Toby as they were playing.

Keeping the fact that he wasn't in the country was a bit hard though. They had managed during the other streams but it was mainly because they were doing separate solo streams with the other popping in for a bit. This was different though since it was a joint stream and they were both scared with other priorities than keeping their secret. That wasn't to say that the chat didn't ask though and they had managed to play it off a couple of times with saying vague things and misdirecting, but at this point they had teased and lied so much that if they accidentally let anything slip it would be okay.

It was good that it would be fine though and Mark was patting them both on the back at their forethought because they had nearly spoiled it so many times int his one stream alone.

Mark had more than once wanted to mention the time and how ungodly it was for him to be awake at five in the morning, he had nearly complained about his quarantine, in the same vein he had also nearly spilled about what they had done int quarantine, which regardless of if the chat knew about the meetup Mark wanted to keep those moment private, they were special and he wanted them to remain that way.

Toby had also nearly done his share of damage too. Mark knew he didn't like scary things and he made him play this because of that so he couldn't be too mad at the amount of Times he had threatened him and then had to quickly amend with the line of “when you get here” and it had mostly worked.

Mark heard his discord ping. He looked over to the monitor and smiled fondly at the message Toby sent him.

You owe me so many cuddles you little shit

Mark held back a laugh and responded to him

Maybe, we’ll see

He heard Toby whine a little bit on the other end of the call and he laughed softly. 

“Can I do the welp clap?” Toby asked him and Mark could see the shine in his eyes as he said it. 

And like the far gone boy he was, he gave in.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Welp!” Toby said with probably a huge smile.

“That's the stream for tonight chat, I’m just gonna let you guys go, have a good night and hello VOD watchers I hope you're doing well.” Mark jumped in and finished his outro. They waited the little bit it took to end the stream and then he closed everything down. Mark stood up and left the room he was streaming in and made his way out Toby's room. He knocked twice before peeking his head in with a small smile.

“How are you doing?”

Toby turned to him with a pout and crossed his arms.

Mark smiled sweetly at him and walked into the room, standing in front of him and looking down.

“Come on it wasn't that bad.” he reasoned

Toby only huffed and turned his head away.

“I guess you won't get your cuddles then,” he shrugged and made to turn away, biting his lip to keep his smile away when Toby grabbed his hand.

He muttered something and Mark turned to him, stepping a little closer and bending down to his face.

“You're gonna have to speak up, if not then…”

Toby blushed pink and sighed, squeezing his hand a little bit, “yes I want cuddles.” he said petulant.

Mark smiled and nodded, standing up properly again and tugging Toby’s hand a little bit as he walked back.

Toby’s fake anger broke and he let himself be pulled up and walked forward into his chest, wrapping his arms around him in a hug. Mark wrapped his arms around him and cradled him. Mark liked the hug, it felt so nice but he knew it could get better so he leaned down a  bit and pressed his lips to the top of his head, he punched himself internally but rolled with it, it would be more awkward if he retracted the semi kiss.

“Let's go downstairs and we can do this more comfortably.” He whispered softly.

Toby nodded and squeezed him a little bit, turning his head and pressing his lips to his chest in the same way that Mark just did, he heart skipped a beat.

“Sure let's go,” Toby said but didn't let go, neither did Mark so it didn't matter. 

Mark did eventually pull away though but he took Toby’s hand in his and tugged him along to the hallway. 

“Where do you wanna go?” He asked.

“Couch, I wanna watch a movie.” Toby smiled and took over, leading him to the couch.

Mark was a bit proud of himself for being at least a little daring with the half kiss. It didn't go bad like he thought and Toby had even reciprocated, maybe he could let himself get away with being a bit more affectionate with Toby and maybe just maybe he could lie to himself about the reality of his situation.

Toby pushed Mark on it and he couch suddnely and he yelped as he fell across it. Mark very quickly got settled in a lying position and blushed bright red when Toby threw a leg over his and straddled him.

“T-toby.” he stuttered.

Toby Leaned forward and nuzzled against his neck, pressing his cold nose against his neck, making Mark gasp.

“That's what you get for making me play that game.”

Mark laughed and wrapped his arms around Toby, slipping a hand under his shirt and rubbing at his lower back.

“I’m sorry, if it helps I hated it too.” He offered and moved a hand to tangle up in Toby’s hair.

Toby smiled against his neck and moved a hand up to gently tangle his hands in Mark's hair.

They didn't actually end up turning on the movie, and instead just stayed cuddled up together. They weren't even chatting. Toby had a hand in his hair, gently playing with it and occasionally slipping down to stroke his cheek and the other was rubbing over his neck and collarbones. 

Mark hand on hand just fully under Toby’s shirt, moving up and down his back and side and the other was in his hair running his fingers through it.

It felt really nice and Mark didn't want to put on a movie, he wanted to stay just like this forever. He was warm, comfortable, and he was just so filled with love for the boy on top of him. The fingers in his hair were unwinding every bit of tension in his body and Toby’s lips practically kissing his skin was making his heart sing. Mark was in absolute heaven. He was relaxed. He felt loved.

“This is nice.” Toby whispered against his neck and pressed his head a bit closer, and maybe just possibly kissed his neck, but it was likely just him shifting. 

Mark hummed and lightly scratched his scalp, “Let's stay like this then.”

“You're so warm and nice, and big, and have nice hands.”

Mark laughed softly and nodded, “you only say that because I'm cuddling you.”

“Well yea, but I do mean it, you are really nice, and you have nice hands, stan stutter would approve.”

Mark laughed and pressed Toby closer to him, dropping a kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m glad you enjoy this.”

“Of course I do, Mark, I enjoy you a lot.”

There was one of those moments of rare hope that got him excited and happy and thinking that there was a chance. 

“I really enjoy you too,” he whispered.

Chapter Text

Finally, quarantine was over, they had negative covid tests and were finally able to both go outside and reveal that Mark was actually in England. They had both vlogged a little bit here and there throughout the quarantine and had managed to make a decent video for Mark's channel that was left to upload while they went out to meet up with their friends.

Right now they were on the train into London to meet up with Tommy, Wilbur and George who had all made the trip down to meet him. Mark would be lying if he said he wasn't absolutely terrified. A lot of things could go wrong and a lot of thighs could happen. He was sitting in the chair of the car bouncing his leg nervously. He jumped when Toby placed a hand on his thigh and then moved it to hold the one he had resting on it. 

“You look like you're about to faint.” He muttered.

Mark sighed and nodded, tuning his hand over to lace their finger tightly, thumb absentmindedly running over his knuckles.

“Just worried is all,” he shrugged and adjusted his mask a little bit.

Toby nodded and leaned his head against his shoulder, “I was really scared to meet George in person for the first time too, I was really worried he might change his mind about me and not be my friend anymore.”

Wow, that is a bit too close to home.

“And how did you get over that?” Mark asked, resting his head against Toby’s.

“Tommy is much more insufferable than me and they're good mates,” he smiled, “if George was friends with Tommy I would be fine.”

Mark laughed softly and looked down at their hands. He was hearing his gloves but not his glasses, not yet anyways, if they started filming then he would put on the whole attire but for now mask and gloves were fine.

“I guess that does help,” he said, feeling a bit more calm.

You're the real reason I'm calm.

The ride wasn't very long and Mark was more than a bit disappointed then their stop came up and they had to physically separate. Mark followed Toby out of the station and in the back of his mind he felt like he needed to be touching Toby in some way, holding his hand maybe. He couldn't though, not in public. 

They had spent the entirety of their quarantine touching in one way or another almost every moment they were together, everything from holding hands to full on tangled up together cuddling. Mark had gotten so used to being able to touch Toby whenever he wanted with a simple question that it was a bit odd to have to remind himself that he couldn't do that right now because they might be seen and it would cause more trouble than it was worth. 

Mark and Toby were laying on Mark’s bed as some calming music played from the speaker he had brought over. They were spooning, with Toby tucked nicely into Mark's chest, both of their legs curled up so they were in more of a C shape. 

Mark had a hand under Toby’s shirt just moving up and down on his stomach as they talked quietly. 

“It's gonna be weird not being able to hold your hand tomorrow.” Toby said suddenly.

They had agreed that it was probably better for everyone if they didn't do anything super physical. If they were caught then twitter would lose their minds and the blow-back and misunderstandings would be a pain, plus, they wanted this to themselves, this was a private thing between them that the world didn't need to know about.

Mark hummed and buried his nose in Toby’s hair, hand still gently rubbing his tummy.

“Then let's just enjoy this.”

Mark had been naive. He thought that he would be fine and that he would be able to manage the change, but like a drug, once he was given a taste it was hard to quit it. He felt like he needed the comfort and grounding that came from Toby and he was itching to get it. 

Mark and Toby walked through a small park until they spotted George a little ways out from them. Toby immediately started waving to him until he noticed and both of them did their little run and hugged tightly, Mark right behind them.

George pulled away and looked up at him with a big smile, “Ranboo!” He smiled and hugged him tightly.

Mark smiled back and hugged George tight, already feeling his nerves ease up a little bit.

George pulled away and checked his phone, before shooting his head up and looking around, “Tommy says that he and Wilbur are here.”

Mark and Toby started looking around for them and Mark waved at them when he spotted Wilbur. Wilbur waved back and pointed Tommy in the right direction before they both started running over.

The introductions and chatter went on nice and smoothly and by the time they had gotten properly warmed up to being in person together Mark’s nerves had fully disappeared and he was enjoying himself in their hanging out. 

Tommy had told them that he was going to vlog and it had been all well and good, Mark was also going to do a bit of weekly vlogging so they would probably be sharing a lot of footage back and forth of their day.

As it turns out, there was a lot planned for Mark to do on his first official day out of quarantine. The actual events had been kept a secret from him and he was only told the vague things they were doing to make sure he was comfortable with it. 

They had met up in Hyde park so the first activity of the day was a walk across the park, with some detours to see some statues. As they were walking the conversation swayed from one group to another and occasionally to all five of them, but in the moments where all was quiet or he and Toby weren't being spoken to Mark found himself gravitating towards him. Bumping into him, staring at him (and nearly dying for times from not looking ahead) and he kept brushing their hand together accidentally though it stopped seeming like one after the fourth time or so.

After Hyde park they made their way up to what Mark remembered being called the “time square of London” Piccadilly circus. It was a crowded street and it was a lot like time square though a bit more tolerable. They didn't stay very long though since they  were all pretty hungry and Wilbur and George would not stop talking about this Chinese place in the Chinatown nearby. They got themselves a big meal for the table and spent nearly an hour just chatting and laughing over the food.

As they were finishing up their food Mark felt Toby’s knee knock into his his once, twice, and then a hand touched his thigh carefully. Mark looked over to him and as soon as he saw the questioning look in his eyes he knew the question. Mark nodded and laid his hand palm up on his knee, smiling a bit when Toby laced their fingers tightly. It was comforting to know that he wasn't the only one who liked the touching so much.

After lunch they made a quick stop in Soho, more for the experience of it than to actually go into the shops or bars since it was both early in the day and they were all rather young

As it was turning to evening they all parted ways with some hugs and some goodbyes and promises to meet up soon so start checking things off their list of things for content. 

On the way back the subway — or underground — car was empty, which wasn't super rare in larger cities as the bars opened up, especially in trains leaving the city. It was nice though, a car all to themselves.

“I had a really nice time today.” Mark said and looked over to Toby.

Toby smiled wide at him and leaned into him, “see what did I tell you, I knew you would have fun.”

Mark nodded and smiled, reaching into his pocket for his phone and headphone, offering onto to Toby. Mark didn't really pay much attention to what was on his spotify from last time he listened to it and he pressed play.

As soon as the first words played, his heart sank. 

I should've stayed at home

'Cause right now I see all these people that love me

But I still feel alone

Can't help but check my phone

I could've made you mine

But no, it wasn't meant to be and see, I wasn't made for you

And you weren't made for me

Though it seemed so easy

You ever heard a song that just perfectly encapsulates all your feelings into one neat little painful package? This is his song right now, and god does it hurt to listen to.

And that's because I wanna be your favorite boy

I wanna be the one that makes your day

The one you think about as you lie awake

I can't wait to be your number one

I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine

But I still wanna break your heart and make you cry

Mark looked down at Toby and felt his heart squeeze at the smile on his face and his closed eyes. He looked at peace and like he was enjoying the song. 

Mark just stared at him for the remainder of the song, just thinking of the reality of the situation. Of the way that these touches meant nothing more than friendly intimacy, the kind that comes from close friends and nothing more. Mark had to keep his hopes low, even if he was lying to himself, they couldn't grow too big or he might just mistake it front the truth after all.

I say that I'm happy

I say that I'm happy

But no, no, no, no

No, no, no

Oh, I still wanna be your favorite boy

I wanna be the one that makes your day

The one you think about as you lie awake

And I can't wait to be your number, your number one

I'll be your biggest fan and you'll be mine

But I still wanna break your heart and make you cry

How true was that song. 

How not okay he really was. 

How stupidly in love he was.

How much his heart was going to break when he slips up and loses it all.

Chapter Text

Now that his viewers knew that he was in the UK, Mark didn't have to wake up as early for streams. He still streamed daily because it was both his job and he enjoyed it, but he was happy to be able to stream at seven or eight in the morning rather than five. 

Mark wrapped up his lore stream with a  sigh and slumped back into his chair. Lore streams always took such a toll on him physically and emotionally since he always got so into his characters but it was fun to do lore since it was the few times he got to mess with his chat and get revenge for the torment that they give him from time to time.

Today was a chill day for them. Mark and Toby had planned to finally do the horror movie watch-along later that day, possibly in the evening, but that was hours away and he didn't want to think about the horror movie and how much he was going to be screaming. 

There was a knock at his door and Toby poked his head in with a big smile. 

“Nice stream, good acting as always.” He beamed and walked in, sitting down on Mark’s bed. He smiled at him and stood up, laying next to Toby on the bed.

“Thank you, I’m really proud of this one,” He said and looked over to Toby with a soft smile. 

They lapsed into a comfortable silence and Mark took his time in just staring at the boy. His eyes traced over features he had only until recently sent through a pixelated video call. His hair was something Mark just could not wrap his mind around still, he had always seen it as like a shape with some definition, and even through a screen it looked soft but now that he had actually touched it, god he really didn't think he would be able to survive when he went back home. He flicked his eyes over to his nose and was hit with the urge to kiss it, just to see if Toby would giggle. He gazed lower to his lips and had to physically hold back a sigh at the prospect that he would ever get to kiss them, would never get to see if his dreams were right in the assumption that it would feel magic and like the world was slowing down for them. Toby’s eyes were something else too; as a person with light eyes Mark always loved dark brown eyes the most, because they could just transform with light and go from dark pools that pulled you into them, comforted you, and made you want to lose yourself in them, to basins of comfort and understanding and warmth. The contrast is stunning and Mark loves it when he can catch Toby’s eyes ‘change’ colours in the light. Mark’s eyes refocused and he blushed a little at the thought that he was caught so blatantly staring. He was about to apologize when he saw Toby’s eyes flick up to his hair.

Wait.

Was he…

No, he couldn't be.

Mark waited patiently, just watching Toby move his eyes over his face and what he presumed was the top part of his chest going off how low his eyes were going all the while not looking at his eyes until finally he centered his eyes on Mark’s as the sun shifted and cast some light on his face. Mark was struck by how pretty his eyes looked in that moment, with one illuminated and the other the same dark alluring color he usually saw, that he couldn't help but stare a little longer, not that Toby was doing much different. 

There was a clatter downstairs and the fair sounds of Toby’s mother cursing made them whip their heads to the doorway quickly before looking back to the other.

“Do you wanna stay here until breakfast is ready?” Mark asked casually as he could. 

Toby nodded and smiled at him. 

Good it seems they were both on the same page about not talking about what just happened.

“Can I cuddle you?” He asked with a half smile. 

“Of course,”Toby chuckled and crawled into his arms, slotting nicely into his side and laying his head on Mark’s chest. 

Mark wrapped his arm around him and smiled at the ceiling, feeling like he was at peace and safe from the internet and the world for a little while. 

Not a few seconds later he felt fingers on his stomach, they hesitated, waiting for permission, which Mark appreciated.

“You're good to touch me however you want.” He said softly and slid a hand under the pillow. Toby scooted a bit closer to him and hooked his leg with marks a bit as his hand slowly traced down, fingertips barely brushing his shirt until they reached the hem, waiting for only a moment before carefully and oh so slowly slipping beneath it. Mark felt his stomach tense up a bit when cold fingers touched his hot skin but Toby was kind enough to slowly ease his hand down and the coolness of his hand felt nice. Finally, after another moment to let Mark back out, Toby started moving his hand in smooth lines up and down from the top of his pants to the bottom of his sternum. 

This sort of touching was nothing specifically new, since Mark has done something similar to this multiple times, but it was new for Toby to be doing it on him . He hadn't initiated skin to skin, Mark had always asked the question, not he minded either way, he knew the feeling was nice whether he was giving or receiving. It was really nice to be given the skin to skin though, and he understood why Toby always seemed eager to accept.

Mark moved the arm around Toby a bit and placed his palm on his arm, gently stroking it in return.

This was nice, even if it was temporary.

The horror stream was about an hour away from starting and Mark needed a shower.

He gathered up some decent looking clothes and grabbed his phone, wanting some music while he showered. As the shower heated up he went through his playlists looking for something to listen to. He scrolled through his library a few times and kept going back to the same playlist over and over again, rightfully titled ‘An Idiot In Love’. It was his love songs playlist. He had chosen those songs because they filled an ache in his chest that at the time eh didn't knew were caused by Toby, but as soon as he realized it, the title was changed to be a bit more fitting. They playlist itself was fine, good even, with a bunch of love songs that were good on their own, but Mark would never be able to separate the images of Toby int hem, the little glimpses of him he saw when certain songs played. Toby haunted every aspect of that playlist for the better or worse.

With a sigh he chose the playlist and hit shuffle, not really listening tot he first song as he got his phone settled on the nearby counter, adjusted the volume and actually got in the shower, letting the hot water wash over his shoulders and ease the tension in them. 

By the time he had gotten settled to actually shower the song changed over.

Swimming in my t-shirts

No matter the weather

Say what you mean

I want to be with you

I see you in the water

Straps on your glasses

Say what you mean

I want to be with you

I can't take it

All I want's right in front of me

I can't fake this

Say what you mean

I want to be with you

Mark smiled at the song and closed his eyes, swaying along tot he music as his mind wandered. 

I know my shit's weird

And I live in the suburbs

And it's almost unnatural how lame I act around you

Give me a chance

To say what I mean

Please do the same

He laughed at the accuracy of it all. He was different around Toby, more careful to not let his feelings show too much, he was lame and he was unfunny but Toby loved it anyways and he was ever grateful for that.

Mark found himself singing along to the song, not really caring since he knew Toby couldn't hear him screaming the chorus as it shouted ‘I want to be with you’.

You shut my mouth

And you buckle my knees

My princess please

You know it's all I want to do

So I'll get over my head

And I'll make my bed

He was getting more and more into the song, putting actual desire behind it, the singing morphing from casual singing along to voicing what he wanted.

'Cause darling you'rе the one

And fuck I want you

'Cause darling you'rе the one

You know I want you

You know that you're the one

I want to be with you

I want to be with you

I want to be with you

I want to be with you

I want to be with you

The instrumental played and Mark paused his hands where they were lathering himself up and leaned back against the wall as the song wrapped up, a hollow, sad feeling in his chest and he said the last words of the song a bit quieter than the much louder vocals before.

“ And fuck I want you.”

Chapter Text

Mark walked back into the living room and set down the large stack of blankets from upstairs, turning to Toby who had just finished setting up the stream set up for their watch-along. 

“Are we ready to start?” He asked, sitting on the couch, pulling the table with their stream controls a bit closer. 

Toby fiddled with the mics a bit more and nodded, flopping down on the couch next to Mark. 

Their set up was a lot like what the Game Grumps recorded their playthroughs except with some more cameras and controls, but the style was similar, and it made it easy to commentate and actually watch the movie.

Mark slid on his mask and glasses before nodding to Toby to start the stream. Mark pulled up the stream on his phone and made sure that their mics were muted before turning to Toby with a smile.

“I know you're smiling because I know you but I can't see your face, big man.” Toby giggled.

Mark flushed and moved his glasses to the top of his head, pushing his hair back a little bit, “better?” He asked with a smile.

“Much,” Toby hummed and leaned into him, laying his head on Mark's shoulder.

“You know we can't do this during the stream right?” He asked with his disappointment barely concealed. 

“I know, I know, just…” he trailed off a bit, “just a little bit longer.”

Mark nodded, “of course, we still have ten minutes or so to kill before we can start.”

Toby nodded and clung to his arm making Mark smile and gently rub the top of his thigh. 

It had barely been a minute before Toby spoke up, lifting his head off his shoulder, “say, can I try something?” He asked hopefully

Mark married his eyes a bit skeptically, “depends on what it is.”

“Nothing bad I promise,” he clarified, “you’ll probably enjoy it.” he smiled hopefully.

Mark stared at him for another minute, debating on if he wanted to let Toby surprise him, but then he was hit with the big puppy eyes and he couldn't say no, so he sighed and nodded, “sure, go ahead.”

Toby cheered and nodded, “okay, I need you to get comfortable on the couch, like sit comfortably.” 

Mark nodded and shifted a bit so he was a little slumped down on the couch  with his legs spread a  little bit more. He looked over at Toby and nodded to him that he was good.

“Cool, now lean your head back and look at the ceiling.:

“Toby…” he said doubtfully.

“Just trust me, I won't hurt you,” he rolled his eyes and placed two fingers to Mark’s chin, tilting his head back for him.

Mark anxiously stared at the ceiling, waiting for whatever it was Toby was going to do, when in one fluid motion he felt the couch dip and then he had a lapful of small british boy. Mark’s head shot up and he supposes that he may have moved too fast because Toby wobbled and started leaning back. Mark quickly grabbed his hips and pulled him in at the same moment that Toby grabbed his shoulders and pulled, both of them colliding chest to chest. Toby buried his face in his neck and laughed as Mark sighed and knocked their heads together gently.

“Next time just tell me.” he said with exasperation morphing into a laugh.

“What's the fun in that?”

“For one, you won't almost go tumbling into streaming equipment.” 

“Whatever,” Tob said quietly, which meant that Mark had won, “are you gonna make me get off?”

“What? No, you can stay for the remaining…” he trailed off and  checked his phone, “seven minutes and forty seconds,” he said.

Toby nodded and smiled against his neck, wiggling around a little bit until he was comfortable and Mark wrapped his arms around him and leaned back on the couch, gently rubbing his back. Toby lifted his head from Mark’s neck and pressed their cheeks together, both of them just leaning their heads together as Toby tangled both hands in his hair.

He could kiss him right now. Easily too. All he would have to do is turn his head the slightest bit and he could kiss him right now. God did he want to, he wanted it more than anything, but he couldn't kiss him. Because they were friends, and Toby didn't love him.

Toby pulled his face away and stared down at Mark with a soft smile, one of his hands sliding down from his hair, brushing over his cheekbone and resting on his cheek over the mask. Mark stared up at him and moved one of his hands down to rub the outside of his thighs. Toby carefully hooked a finger in the loops of the mask and pulled it off his ear, letting it drop and uncover his mouth.

“You're so pretty, Ranboo,” he whispered softly.

Mark smiled at him softly and tilted his head the slightest bit, “and I’ve never seen an unpretty Ranboo follower.”

Toby let out a short airy laugh, the hand resting on his neck sliding up and cupping his jaw, moving his head up a bit. 

Mark's alarm went off and made them both jump. Mark scrambled to turn off the alarm and sighed, looking back at the stream. 

“We should start the stream,” he said reluctantly.

Toby nodded and sighed, sliding off his lap with some of his help.

Mark got his mask and glasses situated on his face and turned on their mics, “hey chat,” he smiled, getting close to the mice, “hi chat.”

They did their usual introductions and then quickly explained what was going on with the stream for today. As Toby was explaining what they were doing Mark stood up and grabbed the snacks from the kitchen bringing them back and setting them on the table in front of the computers and controls, he turned out the lights and shut the blinds.

He sat back down just as Toby turned on the camera and took off his glasses waving at the viewers, watching their chat go wild as he got settled into the couch and pulled up the movie on their OBS and then up on the stream while Toby got settled in with a blanket and graciously draped one over mark’s thighs as he got cozy with a snack.

The movie was terrible. Not in a bad way, the movie was actually pretty good, it was bad in the sense that it scared the daylights out of them both. Turns out a slasher film about a chainsaw murderer wasn't the best thing to watch. They both had their blankets up to their necks and were both tense where they were curled up, snacks long forgotten and occasional snarky commentary being immediately followed by one of them saying how much they hated this so much.

By the middle of the move Mark felt something touch his thigh and he screamed, thankfully it was right as a jumpscare happened so he didn't have to explain that he got scared because Toby wanted to hold his hand. Mark felt around a bit before finding Toby’s hand and grabbing it tightly, shifting a bit so he could hook a leg over Toby’s without it coming across on camera. The touch was a bit grounding actually and he knew that even if just barely, he would be able to power through the movie.

Eventually the end credits rolled and both of them relaxed against the couch sighing heavily in relief. 

The rest of their stream was spent unwinding a little bit before they decided to call it a night. They said their goodbyes and shut down everything. 

“Well, that sucked,” Mark said and shook his head.

“Agreed, now help me forget about it by helping me move all this stuff back upstairs and getting it plugged in.

They spent two hours doing exactly that and by the time they finished it was late and they both decided to call it a night. 

Mark laid in bed, tossing and turning, unable to get to sleep because everything he closed his eyes all he saw was the jacket made of faces, the lamp and he swore that he could still hear that fucking chainsaw. 

After another minute of tossing and turning he sat up and left his room, quickly navigating to Toby’s room, knocking a few times before entering. Toby sat up in bed and yawned.

“What's up big man, couldn't sleep?”

Mark shook his head and sat on the edge of his bed, “no, the movie bothered me a bit, I figured I would come to you but if you were asleep…”

“Please, like I would mind,” he said and scooted over a bit in his bed, “come here, maybe a hug will help.”

Mark smiled and nodded, getting up and closing the door before carefully crawling into bed with Toby, letting the smaller boy pull him into his chest, cradling his head caringly, a hand already in his hair. Mark hugged him back and grabbed Toby’s knee, hoisting it over his waist to keep himself closer to him. 

“Is this better?”

“Much, thank you.” 

Toby smiled and yawned, kissing the top of his head, “any time boss…” he trailed off and mark knew he had fallen asleep.

Mark smiled and hugged Toby closer to him, and in a selfish act he pressed a few kisses to his neck as ‘thank you’s’ before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

Chapter Text

Nearly three weeks into his stay in the UK, Mark was still suffering but he was also feeling amazing. He had gotten his drive to make content back, now that he could access his content list of things to do with Toby, he got to properly meet up with his friends, he was practically living on his own with Toby with the amount of privacy  and freedom that they were given by Toby’s family. Sure, Mark’s feelings were still an issue. He couldn't help it when he stared at Toby throughout the day and envisioned what it would feel like to kiss him, or what Toby’s lips would feel like pressed to his neck, and maybe, sometimes, he thought about what Toby would feel like underneath him as they pressed together. If his thoughts strayed further away from the more wholesome side of things, then that was between him, his hand and his room at night.

Regardless of how often he thought about Toby, and the alarming frequency at which those thoughts weren't solely wholesome, Mark was doing rather well. He was pretty proud of himself too, originally he was terrified that he wouldn't be able to keep his feelings in check and that he would out them to Toby, but he had been okay, he had been doing well. 

They had just finished up a whole day of streaming on Toby’s channel and then on marks channel early in the morning and then a bit later on in the day, they filmed some mod videos with Tommy and now they were getting dressed to go out for the evening with some of their friends who were staying nearby for a few days. The freedom to be able to go out almost whenever was really nice, obviously they needed to be meeting up with people they knew but even if they were alone he doubted that there would be a whole lot of push-back since it wasn't just Toby or him on their own, they were going together. 

Mark buckled his belt and dug through his drawers, trying to find a box he had definitely packed. After a bit of searching he found it hiding underneath his boxers. Just as Mark was opening and looking through it there was a knock on his door.

“Come in,” he called.

The door opened behind him and he turned to smile at Toby, who looked really good if he was being honest; he was wearing a simple tan shirt and navy blue slacks but the outfit fit him, the simplicity of it all just made him seem...more. 

“You look good,” he smiled and turned back to his box, finally finding what he was looking for.

“Same to you big man,” Toby smiled and walked closer, clearly looking him over, “I didn't know you had this much style in you.”

Mark rolled his eyes and dipped his head down a bit to clip the chain to his neck. 

“When I need to, I do try to look nice,” he joked and turned around to Toby, spreading his arms out a little, “what do you think? Too much for dinner?”

Toby shook his head and did a slow up and down of his body, “you look hot as fuck.”

Mark blushed red and booked away, “I wouldn't say that…”

“No, don't even start with me, have you looked in a mirror?” Toby asked, looking up at him.

Mark shook his head. He hadn't looked in the mirror yet, not wanting to regret his clothing choices too early and wanting to wait for the outfit to be fully together. Toby scoffed at him and grabbed his hand, tugging him to his room and shoving him in front of the mirror.

Mark looked at himself and turned a little bit and honestly he looked really fucking good. Good thing he actually listened to his friends and packed his ripped jeans and chains because fuck they suited him.

“See? You look sexy,” Toby smiled from next to him. Mark laughed and shoved him a bit.

“When do we leave? I still gotta fix my hair and stuff.” He said ruffling up his slightly messy hair.

Toby checked his phone and shrugged, “about fifteen minutes...say, can I style your hair?”

“Absolutely not.”

“What?! Come on, I promise I won't mess it up, I wouldn't do that.”

“You would,” he laughed and shook his head, heading back to his bathroom, Toby trailing behind him with pouty eyes.

“I mean yes, you're right, but I wouldn't mess it up before a night out, promise.”

Mark stared at him for a moment before he sighed and nodded, “sure, come on.”

Toby beamed at him and muttered a small ‘yes’ as he followed Mark to the bathroom. Mark grabbed the few hair things he used and set them on the counter for Toby to use, looking at him through the mirror. 

“Bend down a bit, I want to get your hair wet,” Toby said, running the tap. 

Mark eyed him a bit skeptical but lowered his head, letting Toby run his hands through his hair, getting the strands nice and wet but not drippy.

“Cool, now, i want this to be a surprise, go sit on your bed.”

Mark obliged without a word, feeling his fear rise a little bit at not being able to see what Toby was doing. 

Mark sat on his bed and Toby set down his hair things next to him and climbed into his lap.

“Is this really necessary?” he asked with a half smile, gently holding Toby’s hips to keep him steady.

“Yes, now hush,” Toby said with a wavy motion of his hand, “let me work.”

Mark giggled a bit and hummed, letting Toby do as he pleased. 

In the end there wasn't much that could be done with his hair, especially with the way it was cut. Toby messed with his hair for a bit actually, carefully brushing through it and then applying products sometimes all over and other times just in certain places. The whole process took a bit but Mark was happy to just have his hands in his hair and Toby in his lap. It was nice and he didn't even notice when Toby finished up.

“There,” he said softly and tilted Mark’s chin up then moved his head from side to side, “go take a look.”

Toby slid off his lap and it left Mark a bit cold, but before he could dwell, he stood up and went to the bathroom. Honestly, he had done a good job on his hair. The sides were slicked back and the longer top part was nicely styled, it was a bit wavy throughout and it looked unintentionally messed up while still keeping out of his face. 

“I like it,” he smiled at Toby in the mirror.

“See, what did I tell you?”

Their night out was really fun actually. They were celebrating Jack’s birthday early since he had plans for the actual day so Toby, Tommy, Jack, Phil, Wilbur and George, all decided to go out to dinner and then have some fun in London at night. Mark and Toby would be catching the last train out and everyone else would be heading back to wherever they were staying for the night. 

Dinner was great and Mark was very relieved with the fact that he wasn't over dressed for the night since the other said it was both a pretty nice restaurant and that where they were going to hang out for a bit was a more high end side of the city, so the usual night life was a bit more fancy. They went to a really nice Italian restaurant and were honestly having an amazing time.

“How are you liking the UK so far?” Phil asked him with a smile. 

Mark smiled at him and shrugged, “it's been a lot of fun but Toby wasn't really shown me too many places.”

“Hey!” Toby said from next to him a bit offended, “I have taken you loads of places.”

“I mean yea, but only around London, you still gotta show me all those places ‘outside of the city’ that you were telling me about for hours .” he said with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

Toby rolled his eyes and shoved some bread in his mouth, “be patient,” he scolded lightly, waving a breadstick at him, “if I show you everything now then what are you gonna do for two months?”

Mark laughed and put his hands up in mock surrender, “sure, sure, It’s totally because of that and not because you forgot.”

Toby smacked his arm and he burst out laughing, trying to control it a bit in the atmosphere of the room.

Mark turned back to the others, still a bit giggly and shoved another bit of food in his mouth, looking up at catching the weirdly amused looks the others were giving them.

“Whats up?” he asked generally.

“You two bicker like an old married couple,” Wilbur noted. 

Mark flushed a little bit and looked to Phil, “what do you say Phil, do we?”

Phil rolled his eyes and flipped him off, making the table laugh a little bit and then the subject was dropped, but Mark didn't fail to see the look that Tommy threw Toby  and the way the other looked down at his plate a little bit.

After their main course they got their round of desserts, and just chatted as they waited for the bills. As they were chatting Mark felt Toby’s knees knock against his twice and he immediately lowered his hand to Toby’s lap, laying his hand palm up for him. Toby easily slid their hand together and laced their fingers, thumb rubbing over the top of his hand a bit. Mark was so internally happy that they had a big round table so he could hold his hand without it being obvious.

They left the restaurant full and cheery and ready to just wander around the area for a bit. Mark had absolutely no idea where he was going so he hung around Toby as they walked their dinners down a little bit. The night was a bit chilly,but that was British weather for you he supposed, hot and humid throughout the day and then windy and cold at night, a lot like California so Mark didn't really mind all that much. 

As the night wore on and more of their friends left Mark started noticing that Toby wasn't super comfortable. He wasn't about to ask him what was actually up with him because that would put attention on him and that was just uncomfortable, so when Phil headed off home and they finished waving goodbye, he turned to Toby and tilted his head.

“Are you okay?”

Toby looked up at him a bit surprised but nodded quickly, “yea, don't worry big man I’m okay.”

Mark wasn't convinced and looked him over quickly before spotting the goosebumps on his arms.

“Here, wear this if you’re cold.” He said and took off his jacket, handing it over.

Toby took it hesitantly and looked up at Mark, “are you sure? Won't you be cold?”

Mark shrugged, “I’ll manage, I don't get cold too easily either.”

Toby didn't argue with him further and slipped the jacket on. Mark nearly had a heart attack right then and there. Toby looked adorable in his jacket; the sleeves covered his hands  and he had to push them up, and the bottom hit him at his thighs. God, Mark wanted to wrap him up in a big hug. 

“It looks good on you.” he smiled and adjusted his mask a bit before reaching out and fixing Toby’s as well, tilting it a bit and sliding his fingers through the loops and around Toby’s ears so that it sat evenly on his face. Toby’s eyes fluttered close as Mark’s fingers passed slowly over his cheeks and around his jaw.

“Thank you, boo.” he said softly and leaned into him a bit, hugging his middle.

Mark smiled fondly at him and hugged back, “no worries, bo.”

Toby chuckled and pulled away, looking around before his face lit up, “I think there's a really nice Cafe around here, why don't we go there and warm up for a bit?”

Mark nodded and offered him his hand. Toby took it instantly and led him along on their search for the cafe. 

The cafe was really nice; it wasn't massive, rather on the small side and it was so cozy and nice. There were only a few people left inside and one of the baristas informed them that they would be closing soon. They nodded and ordered themselves some hot chocolate lattes and sat down at a table for two in a quiet corner of the cafe. They hadn't gotten recognized tonight which Mark chalked up to the fact that he kind of lied to his chat about his style, not fully, he did really dress like he had given up or like Andy Samberg in Palm Springs, but like he had told Toby, when it counted he really liked to dress up and look nice.

Their drinks were set down in front of them  and Mark leaned a bit back in his chair and just watched Toby take his mask off and take a hesitant sip from the cup, humming when it wasn't too hot. 

“It's really good.” He said softly.

Mark nodded and took off his mask as well, taking a sip from his cup, eyes closing a bit when he tasted the latte. It was one of the best cups he’s had in a very long time. They fell back into hushed and rather intimate chatter, both leaning in close as they talked, keeping their laughs hushed and their chatter just as quiet to not bother the others in the shop at the time. Mark felt all warm and fuzzy inside, a soft, loving smile slowly rising to his lips as he stared at Toby as he talked about a script he had been working on in his spare time. He looked beautiful when he talked about things he loved.

Two plates were set down in front of them carefully and Mark snapped out of his trance and looked down at two slices of cake. 

“I'm sorry we didn't order this,” he said politely.

The barista nodded and smiled softly, “yes, I know but we’re closing up in twenty minutes and my boss said to give you two something on the house, something about you reminding her of her and her wife” she smiled shyly and turned to leave before quickly turning around, “oh and to tell you to enjoy your date.”

Mark watched her leave and his face heated up dangerously to the point where he was sure he might pass out. He turned to Toby who was just as red but had a small smile on his lips as he chuckled softly and started eating the cake.

“I guess Will was right when he said that we looked like a married couple.”

Mark relaxed the slightest bit in his chair, very glad that Toby wasn't too embarrassed by the scene. He shrugged and smiled softly, eating his cake as well.

“I guess so,” he commented, “what were you saying before?”

And Like that Toby launched back into telling him about his plot and storyline.

As he listened his mind kept running over how he was feeling about people seeing them as a normal couple on a date and he didn't mind it honestly. He kind of liked it, he liked the fantasy and how it fed into the lie he told himself about them.

Maybe he could let himself thinks that Toby felt the same for him tonight.

Maybe he could let himself believe that he stood a chance if he were to ask Toby on a date.

Maybe, one day he might be able to.

Not tonight though.

For now, the fantasy was okay because he knew that the fantasy kept his feelings at bay and made him not feel guilty when he craved the others' touch or gravitated towards him naturally the fantasy let him look at how Toby acted around him with a different light. It let him see how much Toby always wanted to touch him, how gentle he would always be making sure Mark was comfortable and other things, and it let him believe that all of that was love even if it was something all friends did.

Something slammed into him like a truck and made his thoughts stop.

Friends didn't do that. Tommy never held Toby’s hand or held him at night — as far as he knew at least — and none of Mark’s friends went out of their way to make sure that Mark was comfortable and none of them were always wanting to touch him, or play with his hair. He sure as hell didn't cuddle with them every day for hours on end.

That was just Toby. 

In the smallest corner of his heart mark felt something plant itself dangerously. The idea that maybe Toby felt the same for him.

Chapter Text

It had been nearly an entire week and Mark still couldn't get the cafe thing out of his head. At the time Mark was actually enjoying it; it felt nice to think that he and Toby looked like a couple, that they passed for one and the way they acted... couple-like enough to be mistaken for one. There was something about the thought of it that made Mark feel all happy inside and it let his mind wander a little bit to how he would be with Toby if they were together. The thought reminded Mark of a song he had on his playlist.

Mark sat up in his bed and checked the time, eleven o’clock. Not too late so it would be okay if he connected his speaker and played some music. 

Mark rolled out of bed and snatched his phone on his way across the room to where his speaker was charging. He hooked up his phone and pressed play on the song, letting the soft music fill the room, smiling and sitting down on the edge of the bed, laying back and staring at the ceiling, letting his mind fill in the scenes.

Odds are stacked against us babe but I don't give a damn

I'll still bluff my way through this until I win this hand

Forbidden love is beautiful but tragic in the end

But we'll defy the universe, this time the house won't win

Mark wouldn't say his love was star crossed by any means, it simply was just unrequited.

Possibly, unrequited.

As cheesy and vain as it sounded though, Mark loved this song because it was the type of boyfriends he was, or at least tried to be.

I don't care wait fate says

You and I were meant to be

Our love's cinematic baby

I could watch it on repeat

Mark was not a brave man, he was not a fighting man, but if he said that he didn't sometimes want to punch fate in the face, tell it to screw off and that he was going to get what he wanted he would be lying. Mark loved Toby so much it hurt him sometimes because he saw the boy everywhere he went. He saw Toby in the occasional sunrises he would have the chance to see if he woke up early enough or didn't sleep that night. He saw Toby when he was by the beach watching the waves and listening to the calming waves and feeling like the entire world was quiet for that moment. Every time he saw something that they could do together, or somewhere that they would go, Mark fell a little bit more in love with him and he wasn't sure if that made him a hopeless romantic or just an idiot.

I'll open every door for you

Don't worry 'bout your hands

I'd spend every minute with you if I had the chance

His mind was brought back to the cafe once again. How he had opened the door for him, how he had found them a quiet table while Toby ordered. Nothing special, just him being nice but the song stirred stuff up inside him. He wanted to spend as much time with Toby as possible, genuinely enjoying and cherishing the time alone they got when they weren't talking, weren't moving, weren't doing anything other than laying with each other. He loved being wrapped up in Toby’s arms because of the way that he would call on, cradling Mark’s head protectively and how he would always tuck Mark’s head into his neck despite the height difference. 

Toby made him feel safe.

All of that wasn't to say that he didn't like holding Toby either. 

No. 

He loved it a lot.

Mark loved the way that Toby would just willingly cuddle up to him when Mark asked if it was okay. He loved the way that Toby always knew the best positions to lay or sit in so they were both comfortable. He liked that Toby enjoyed playing with his hair since Mark really liked having it played with and he never told anyone that, which meant it was just what Toby was naturally drawn to do to him which just meant so much more that way. He simply adored how nicely Toby fit against him, how his much smaller body slotted against his perfectly no matter how they were laying. He found it adorable that when they were in public and Toby wanted attention or just to touch him he would always knock their knees twice and let Mark reach out for him, or how he would touch the top of his thigh and leave his hand there until Mark was able to hold his hand. Mark loved every single thing Toby did when they cuddled. Who was he joking, he loved every single thing about Toby in general.

The song wrapped up with the final lines echoing through the room for a moment before the next song started up.

But don't take me for a fool

A fool.

Yea… 

That was exactly what he was.

Mark was a fool. 

He was an idiot.

Most importantly he was being creepy as fuck. 

The lie he was telling to himself — that he and Toby were doing romantic things all the time— the lie that coloured every single interaction with him in a romantic way was disgusting. He was doing the emotional version of putting words in his mouth, he was twisting actions and words to fit the reality he wanted to see, he was denying the reality of the situation that was that Toby didn't love him and if he figured out what Mark did, how he pushed his own feelings over the simple friendly actions and actively fed a crush on him to the point of full blown love, he never would.

Mark had gone and fallen in love with his best friend and even if he knew that he would never love him back he didn't move on, he held on hope for him, he gripped onto any hint that maybe, maybe, his feelings might be returned but in the end he just ended up twisting actions and words and taking sick pleasure in being called a couple, in being called married for the way they acted.

Do you even want him as a friend anymore?

Would you be satisfied like that or have you made it impossible to see Toby as a friend ever again?

Mark let out a loud sob  and sat up, wiping at the sides of his face to clear some of the tears that had rolled down the sides as he was lying down. He leaned over a bit and buried his face in his palms crying softly into them as he thought about all the gross things he had done with Toby. 

He was so fucking gross. 

What about the cuddling, he never cuddles anyone else but you.

Maybe they're just comfortable around each other.

He looks at you like you're the most important thing in the world.

He pays attention, nothing special.

He comforts you when you're scared.

He styled your hair.

He made you food.

He didn't get mad at the cafe incident.

He let's you hold him through the night.

He trusts you.

Mark slid his hands into his hair and pulled a little bit, trying to get his head to just shut up, trying to force it to agree on what he was, if he was disgusting, or if it was okay because Toby loved him. The back and forth was awful.

The room was too big, he was too alone, he felt like his mind was echoing off the walls. Mark stood up shakily and stumbled his way over  to a barren corner of the room, shoving himself a little awkwardly between the two walls. He pulled hi knees up and cried quietly into them. 

He was disgusting.

He was sick.

He was no better than the ‘nice guys’ he denounced.

He was crazy.

He was obsessed.

He was a bad friend.

“Mark,'' Toby's voice said softly, so softly that he almost thought he imagined it, but then he heard the sounds of bare feet coming closer and then someone sitting in front of him.

“Can you look at me for a sec, big man?” Toby asked gently and touched his forward gently, so careful and caring that Mark wanted to snatch his hand away, feeling that he might taint him in some way.

Mark moved his head the slightest bit up, just enough so his eyes were visible, tears still gently falling.

“Poor thing,” Toby said softly and oh so slowly reached out to him, gently cupping the sides of his head and then sliding his hands down to his cheeks, very gently bringing Mark’s face up.

“You don't need to see me like this,” Mark muttered and looked away. His chin was caught almost immediately and then his face was slowly moved back.

“I don't need to, but I want to,” he said firmly, “let me help.”

He really shouldn't let him, he didn't need to add more fuel to the fire but he was weak, and he felt vulnerable so he nodded and leaned into Toby’s hand a bit.

“Thank you,” Toby whispered and shuffled closer, carefully maneuvering Mark’s body, easily moving his lanky limbs and climbing into his lap, cradling his head and bringing it down to his chest, carefully petting his hair. 

Mark wrapped his arms around Toby’s waist and closed his eyes, hiccoughing slightly as he tried to focus on the boy’s heart beat.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, it's...something that hurts a bit too much to say.”

Toby nodded and wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist, making sure they weren't going anywhere any time soon.

Mark did eventually calm down, Toby’s touch and hushed words helping him out. He pulled his face back and looked at Toby, who gently moved so both hands were cupping his cheeks.

“I’m glad you're doing a bit better,” he whispered softly and rubbed under his eyes, “Let's go to the bathroom quickly and get your face cleaned up okay?”

Mark nodded and helped them to stand, letting Toby take his hand and lead him into the bathroom. He grabbed some wipes from a cabinet and hopped up on the counter, becoming Mark over. He stood between his legs obediently and gently rubbed at his thighs as Toby cleaned his face carefully. He passed the wipe over his whole face, then focused on the eyes and the nose and finally the few tears that had rolled down his neck. He tossed the wipes after he was finally finished and Mark was honestly feeling a lot better. 

Toby stared at him for a moment before sliding a hand to the back of his head, tilting it down a bit  and tugging him a bit forward. Mark expected a kiss on the forehead but was pleasantly surprised when Toby pressed their foreheads together and cupped his cheek. It was such a tender and intimate touch that Mark mimicked him and reached up to cup his cheek, larger hand covering it perfectly.

They both closed their eyes for a moment but opened up shortly after, smiling softly.

“There it is,” Toby chuckled and rubbed at his cheek, “there's that pretty smile.”

Mark smiled a bit more and chuckled, “there it is.”

They both paused for another moment before leaning in a bit closer, the sides of their noses pressing gently.

“Thank you,” Mark whispered softly, eyes slipping closed again.

“Of course,” Toby whispered, “I have to take care of my husband, don't I?”

They both laughed softly and pulled away slightly, “we should get to bed.”

Toby nodded and wrapped his legs around Mark’s waist, “carry me to bed, I don't want to leave your side until I know you're better.”

Mark laughed quietly and nodded, sliding his hands under Toby’s hips and lifting him up off the counter, walking them quickly back to bed and somehow managing to get them laid down.

“How do you want me?” Toby asked, staring up at him. 

Mark laid down on his side and lifted his arm, “against my chest, please.”

Toby nodded and shuffled closer, pressing their chests together and hooking a leg over Mark’s hips. Mark slid his arms under Toby’s neck and reached out to press into his lower back pulling him closer, keeping mindful of their faces since they were actually levels for once.

“Get some rest, Mark,” Toby smiled and kissed his nose softly.

Mark blushed a bit but he nodded and let the fatigue from crying lull him into a deep sleep.

He could have sworn, just as he was falling off, that he felt the ghost of a kiss press against his lips.

Chapter Text

Mark’s alarms played gently through the speaker across the room. The song was nice and gentle and he personal favourite thing to wake up to.

Mark slowly opened his eyes and took a deep breath, squeezing Toby closer to himself a bit tighter. He was feeling better, sure the echoes of guilt and disgust were floating around in his head, but they were just another pair of voices to add to the already vast choir in his head. Mark looked down at Toby and smiled at him softly, gently running his fingers through his hair as soft music played throughout the room. 

He was so grateful to have Toby as a friend, he was lucky to have someone care for him so deeply, to have someone who wasn't afraid to boss him a round and tell him what to do and to take care of him when he needed it, he was so incredibly fortunate to know him and Mark would forever cherish that. He smiled softly and leaned down a little bit, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

“You don't know how much you mean to me,” he whispered softly, not wanting to wake him just yet, “you don't know how much I love you.”

Mark stayed with him for a little bit longer before very very carefully slipping out of his grip, replacing himself with one of his hoodies and a pillow. Toby needed the sleep, he barely slept as is and Mark was not about to wake him up if he didn't need to be woken up.

Mark went about his business as quietly as possible, heading into the bathroom, washing his face, brushing his teeth, fixing his hair and all that other good bathroom stuff. Just as he was finished up and ready to head into the streaming room Mark remembered that he didn't bring clothes with him, and he really didn't want to be in his sleep clothes for most of the day. Mark took a deep breath and slowly crept out of the bathroom, keeping an eye on Toby as he dug through his clothes and chose out something comfortable. Mark looked at the clothes laid out on his side of the bed and then back to Toby who was still sleeping and snuggled up to the pillow. Mark snapped his fingers forcefully and watched to see if Toby would wake up, when he didn't he decided he was safe enough to change if he did it fast enough.

Mark pulled off his shirt and dropped the shorts he was wearing. Almost as soon as he did he was hit with a wave of heat only now noticing how hot the room was. Maybe he was too worried about waking Toby that he didn't notice. He took another quick glance at the boy and pulled on the shorts he grabbed before walking over to the window; he carefully drew the curtain, so thankful that the window faced west so the sun wouldn't be shining into the bedroom, and slowly opened the window which made more noise than eh was expecting but he didn't think it was that much noise so he kept going and fully opened both set of windows, letting the cool morning air flow gently into the room and hit his overheated skin pleasantly.

As Mark turned back to grab a different shirt he came face to face with Toby. 

He froze, cursing himself internally for waking him up.

“Did I wake you up?” he asked softly, a bit surprised that his voice was still gravely since he had been awake for a bit.

Toby shook his head and smiled, though Mark noticed that his eyes never really went up to his face, but hey, he was far away, maybe that was just the line of sight to him at that distance.

“Good morning then, did you sleep well?” He asked Toby, walking back over to the bed.

“I did, thank you for letting me sleep in a little bit,” Toby smiled and looked down at the sweatshirt for a moment before quickly pulling off his shirt and putting that on instead. Mark blushed a little bit and looked away with a small proud smile. He grabbed the shirt in front of the bed and felt the material, it was rather thick and he didn't want to be sweaty. He decided to change it for another one. Mark carefully folded up the shirt again and started looking for the lighter shirts he brought.

“What are those lines on your back?” Toby asked, much closer to him this time.

Mark looked at him over his shoulder, “what are you talking about?”

Toby reached out and ran his fingertips in lines on his back. Oh those lines.

“Oh, those are stretch marks.” He said and stood up straight, he had his shirt in his hand but didn't want to stop Toby from his exploration.

“I thought you only got those on your hips and stuff,” he said softly and kept tracing them.

“No, you can get them anywhere that, like, grows too fast and the skin can't catch up.” he explained  and closed his eyes as Toby pressed his whole hand to his back, still letting them wander in the direction of the marks.

“Did you grow too fast as a kid?” He teased as he pressed both his hands to his back now and Mark had a feeling that Toby was really just touching him now rather than actually feeling the stretch marks.

“Yea I grew a lot when I was 12,” he shrugged, “do you have any?”

“No actually, I don't have any at all, I guess I grew at a normal pace.”

Mark hummed and opened his eyes again when he felt Toby’s hands slide down his back and lightly curl around his hips before letting go, almost as if he was going to hold his hips but changed his mind at the last second. 

“You have to stream soon don't you?”

Mark sighed and nodded, pulling his shirt back on and turning to Toby, “yep, you can go ahead and eat if you want, I can eat after.”

“Maybe, we’ll see,” he shrugged and then looked down at the sweater, “do you mind if I keep this on?”

Mark smiled and shook his head, even if he was screaming in pure joy on the inside at the fact that he would get to internally coo over Toby looking small and cute in his massive hoodie for the whole if not most of the day, “no, go ahead, I don't mind.”

Mark had an amazing stream if he was being honest; he got to do some really fun and involved lore, which yes left him really tired but it was lore that involved some of his friends and he always loved doing lore with Tommy and Phil, they all played off each other super well and managed to meld their styles of doing lore together seamlessly. Overall it was great and Mark was buzzing from it and the knowledge that he and Toby were doing a cooking stream late that evening, they were making pizzas.

Mark pushed back from his chair and walked down to the kitchen, peeking into Toby’s room to see if he was in there, he wasn't so he was probably in the kitchen or living room or something like that. 

He was in the kitchen heating up some food.

“Did you wait for me?” He asked with a  fond smile as he walked up beside him.

“Yea, as soon as I heard your clap though the hunger kicked in so…” he trailed off, motioning to the microwave. Mark narrowed his eyes and leaned in a bit to see what he was heating up.

“Is that...pizza?” He asked.

“Yep!” Toby said rather proudly, “I didn't want to make myself breakfast and I still had some pizza left over in the fridge,” he shrugged, “I saved you a few slices if you want.”

Mark wanted to say no, eating Pizza for breakfast felt wrong, but then again breakfast was just the first meal of the day, not a specific type of food so pizza would be fine, and besides he knew how much Toby loved his margarita pizzas so the fact that he saved him a few slices was touching.

Mark shrugged and muttered a small ‘sure’ as he grabbed a plate and opened the fridge, taking out the three slices left in the box, sliding them in the microwave when Toby took his out.

“I do want coffee though, so I’m gonna make that,” he said and let Toby set the time on the pizza as he grabbed the coffee and set up the machine. 

Pizza and coffee sounded like a weird combination — and it was — but it tasted pretty decent. All he really cared about was that it filled him up for a decent amount of time and it didn't taste awful, so all in all, a decent breakfast.

“I’m so excited for the stream later tonight,” Toby said across from him as he sipped his coffee.

“We are going to destroy this kitchen,” Mark chuckled and took a bite of his last slice.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Toby asked, a little offended, “I think we’re going to do great.”

Mark hummed and shrugged, “I don't know, remember when you made pancakes?”

Toby rolled his eyes and kicked him lightly under the table, he was chuckling though so Mark was in the clear.

“If it helps, I would definitely help you up if you fell again,” he paused, “right after I laughed at you of course.” 

Toby laughed and shoved his shoulder, “if you fall I’m gonna leave you there to suffer.” he grumbled and took his plate to the sink.

Mark laughed and shoved the last little bit of pizza in his mouth and followed him, standing behind Toby and setting his plate in the sink. He was still giggling a little bit at the idea of watching Toby slip and fall, he could see the stunned look on his face. In his laughter he reached out  and braced himself on Toby, pressing against his back.

“You're a prick, you know that?” Toby said angrily but still leaned back against him, drying off his hands. 

Mark’s giggling stopped and he wrapped his arms around Toby somore more in instinct before he actually took stock of the position they were in. 

He needed to pull away but it would look woerd of he did it so suddenly, and besides, Toby was nice against him. Mark decided to just roll with it and save himself the awkwardness. He wrapped his arms a bit tighter around Toby and leaned down a bit to rest his cheek against the top of his head.

“I’m sorry for saying I would laugh at you.” Mark said softly and rubbed his hips.

“It’s alright, I would let you,” he said with a clear smile in his voice. 

Mark stood off to the side, digging through the cabinets in the kitchen or some aprons for them as Toby started his stream and introduced what they were doing and everything. Mark finally found what he was looking for and popped his head back into the stream, making sure hsi mask was still on, going without his glasses to give them a higher chance of possibly succeeding in making something edible. He handed one of the aprons to Toby and tied the other around his waist, making sure it actually covered his chest and all that.

“Hi chat, are you ready to see a kitchen get destroyed ?”

They started off strong. Mark was tasked with reading the recipe for the dough while Toby gathered the ingredients since he knew the kitchen better, they both weighed out the ingredients best they could and once the measuring hurdle was cleared they could start the actual dough making. This stream was reminding Mark a bit too much of some Dan and Phil bakes videos and those were all disasters but turned out decent in the end so while he was worried for the state of the kitchen, he had hope that they would end up making a decent pizza. 

Toby had declared that he wanted to mix all the ingredients together so Mark took over talking to their chat while trying his best to clear up a bit as Toby mixed the dough, if only for their own safety so they wouldn't actually slip and fall. By the time they had a decently mixed dough the recipe called for them to knead it Toby gave it an honest attempt. 

“Here, let me,” Mark said softly and touched his arms to get him to move aside.

“Like you can do any better.” Toby teased but stepped off to the side. 

Mark floured up his hands and looked at the dough, calling any power above to let him remember how the hell to actually knead dough properly. He checked the surface and added some more flour before he started kneading the dough. His movements were a bit clumsy at first, but he eventually got back in the groove of it as making bread with his mother and grandmother came back to him, and eventually he was expertly kneading the dough, getting a bit lost in his head as the sounds of Toby talking to their chat and occasionally to him flowed all around him until he was finished with the dough and he finally turned back into his surrounding, turning off the auto pilot replies.

“There we go, can you grab the big bowl and some plastic wrap?” he asked with a smile. 

Toby nodded and handed him the bowl. Mark oiled it and the dough a little bit before carefully scooping the dough into the bowl, letting Toby wrap it up.

“Since when did you know how to knead dough?” Toby asked him as the actual realization seemed to dawn on him suddenly.

Mark laughed nervously and shrugged, “I make bread with my grandmother sometimes, I guess I just...got good at it?”

Out of the corner of his eye he could see chat going absolutely wild.

They had managed to make a pizza that at the very least looked edible, sure it had just mountains of cheese and sauce on it, but that's okay because they weren't going to be sharing it if it did come out well. As they waited for the pizza to finish they were just sitting and chatting, talking about anything and everything from their favourite things they had done to just random facts that spawned massive tangents and eventually the Pizza finished. They took it out of the oven and set it on the counter, mark grabbing them some drinks while Toby cut it up and let it cool a little bit. It still looked good so Mark had good feelings about it. 

Mark went off camera to eat his pizza since he had to take his mask off and even if he had technically face revealed he was not about to let chat see him eat. The pizza was heavenly and Mark had to mute their mics really fast as they both let out satisfied moans.

“Welp,” Mark said with a  clap, “I think that's the stream for tonight,” he chuckled and let Toby do his outro, sitting back and watching Toby as he sent his viewers off to Nikki.

They quickly cleaned up their camera equipment and the kitchen as a whole  before sitting down to eat their creation.

“That was so fun,” Mark said softly and took another bite of the pizza.

Toby nodded and pushed his chair back, folding his arms and leaning over to rest his head on his arms, just staring at Mark. Mark smiled at him softly and went back to eating his pizza, grabbing his last slice of it, not paying much mind to Toby as they sat in comfortable silence. It was only when the feeling of eyes on him wouldn't leave him that he turned his gaze back. 

Toby was still staring at him and when Mark caught his eye he smiled slightly and winked at him. 

Mark felt his entire system reboot as he froze and stared at Toby who had the audacity to raise his eyebrows in a  questioning way before shrugging and sitting up, taking the pizza plate to the sink, but right before he turned away, he winked at him one more time.

Chapter Text

Mark was still a bit flustered about the wink and the cooking stream as a whole. There was way too much tension in the entire stream. Chat didn't see all of the tension either because Mark was off camera for most of it so they didn't catch all heavy looks that Toby sent him and while Mark was kneading the dough and Toby was turned away from the camera he way looking at Mark with such heavy look that mark had to will his face not to go red.

Mark exited the washroom and ruffled his damp hair, falling face first point of the bed with a small groan. He was exhausted from all the streaming he had been doing today and from trying so hard to wrangle back his emotions and to keep himself from touching or snuggling up to Toby like he really wanted to every single time they had a break from cooking. While they were waiting for the pizza to cook Mark wanted nothing more than to pull Toby away to the living room and snuggle him to recharge his batteries but he had to hold his back because there were some things that needed to stay private.

Mark sighed and rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling. He hadn't forgotten his breakdown the other night, the feeling still echoing in his chest and occasionally bringing up a sick sort of feeling in him, the kind that made Mark want to do absolutely anything to make them go away, even now he could feel those whispers of hatred and doubt starting to fill his head. His breathing picked up and he was aware that his heart was starting to beat faster, he could feel the start of panic starting to set in.

“Mark?” Toby asked, sticking his head into his room.

Mark looked over to him and smiled, patting the bed. Toby walked over to him and sat on the edge of the bed before falling back, reaching over and taking Mark’s hand tightly.

“Is everything alright?” Mark asked softly and turned to him.

Toby nodded and gave him a small smile, reaching out and rubbing Mark’s cheek softly, “yea, just tired,” he shrugged and squeezed his hand. 

“You're more than welcome to stay here for as long as you need,” Mark smiled wide.

They ended up laying there for a moment before Toby rolled over to face him with a sly smile that meant nothing but trouble.

“Wanna play a game?” He asked, leaning in rather close. 

Mark hesitated but nodded and sighed, “sure, what's the game?”

Toby clapped a little bit and nodded, shuffling back on the bed  so he was comfy and motioned for him to join him, which he did with no hesitation. They laid on the bed, facing the ceiling and Toby started explaining the game.

“The game is called truth for truth, where I ask you a question and you answer and then you ask me, we can be as personal or broad as we want but both questions have to be on the same level so I can't ask you about your favourite type of cheese and you ask me about all the people I've like kissed and stuff.”

Mark nodded, he supposed it was a fair game and it couldn't hurt too much to play so he nodded and reached out for Toby’s hand again.

“Sure, you can go first if you want.” He smiled.

Toby nodded and answered immediately, “okay, well, what do you think is your best feature?”

They ended up chatting for a while, asking questions back and forth and swapping stories until Toby suddenly asked him a question that made him pause.

“Why don't you accept it when I tell you you're pretty?” He asked so carefully that Mark was hesitant to answer.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, “I didn't grow up in the most...amazing neighbourhood, it was really bigoted and just held really outdated beliefs,” he explained and squeezed Toby’s hand a little bit, “as far back as I can remember I was told that men were supposed to find a wife, settle down all that.”

Toby nodded and squeezed his hand back reassuringly.

“Everyone around me would push, maybe not like outright but subtly in the way they spoke that men had to fit a certain standard, and they had to act a certain way, be the head of the house, be strong, all of that sexist stuff, and it was pushed on me so much that when I started to grow up and I didn't look traditionally masculine it wasn't great.”

Toby made a small noise from next to him, “That's stupid.” 

Mark nodded and smiled softly at him, “yea well, when you're whole childhood you're getting told that you need to stop growing, you need to work out, you need to be strong, to find a girlfriend so people don't start to like look at you weird...it gets to you after a bit,” he shrugged and tried to blink away the tears in his eyes, “and I guess it still affects me because I don't personally think I look pretty, or handsome or desirable at all if I’m being honest, so it's hard to accept the compliment because it sounds like a lie since no one ever told me I looked nice as a kid without adding something backhanded to it.”

Toby was silent for a moment and mark felt the tears slowly slide down the side of his face as he waited for his reactions. It took only a moment but Toby was suddenly hovering over him with the most worried look he had ever seen on him, “fuck, I’m so sorry that happened,” he said softly and dropped his head onto Mark’s chest, “I wish I could somehow make you forget, I really wish you would see what your friends see, what I see.” 

Mark let out a quiet sob and looked down at his body. He hated it, every single inch of it he could find a flaw in, some days where he was feeling really good he wouldn't be able to, he would be in love with his body and how it looked, but on days like today, he could point out a half mile list from a glance alone.

Toby tilted his chin up again and forced them to hold eye contact, “no, look at me, no more looking at yourself like a specimen, just keep your eyes on me, focus on me.”

Mark nodded and smiled with a little sniffle, gently tugging on the sleeve of Toby’s hoodie, immediately wrapping his arms around him when Toby laid down on his chest. Mark buried his nose in Toby’s hair and closed his eyes briefly.

“Is it my turn?” He asked softly. 

Toby nodded and gripped onto his shirt, “yea, if you want.” 

“Do you think you would be a good partner?”

Toby was silent for a while and Mark was scared he had stepped too far.

“I think so yea,” he answered after a bit, “I like to think that I am at least somewhat pleasant to be around.”

Mark nodded in agreement, “you are very lovely to be around, what would you do with your partner?” he asked knowing it wasn't his turn but Toby didn't fight him on it and answered easily.

“I would take them out to the city, at night because that's when it's the prettiest, and we would just walk for ages, wherever they wanted, maybe we would stop by in a cafe to warm up and chat for a bit, and then we would go home, if they were staying the night I would like to cuddle up with them and maybe talk some more before we both fell asleep.”

Mark’s heart warmed at the thought of Toby going out with someone and then it immediately shattered at the knowledge that he would never get to share that with him, he would never get to go on that date with him.

“What about you? What would you do?”

Mark knew the answer easily, “I would take them to the beach, during sunset when it's the prettiest so they could see a true California sunset, then we would go and have some dinner at one of the nearby surf and turf shops, nothing fancy,” he laughed softly, “maybe we could go to the pier and just watch he water and then head home, I’d like the chance to hold them at night as well.”

It hurt him to say those words, it hurt because the amount of time she had put him and Toby in that position, the amount of times he had thought about taking Toby out when he walked along the area, it was a bit sad and really creepy. 

Toby nodded against his chest and smiled softly, “do you think you’ll have someone to share that with one day?”

“I’m not sure, I’d like to but I have a track record of falling for people I can't have.” he said honestly, trying to get it through to his heart that Toby was a person he couldn't have.

“I’m sure you're just assuming, you’d be surprised at the amount of people that come across like they aren't available but are.” 

Mark shrugged and hummed, “maybe, maybe.”

That little piece of hope planted in his heart grew just a little bit more

Chapter Text

Ever since Mark and Toby talked about their ideal dates and what they would be like as boyfriends Toby had been acting a bit weird; he had been a bit skittish, more hesitant, it was weird.

It was the third day of Toby being weird and Mark felt like he was going to throw up from the constant anxiety and guilt rolling over in his stomach. Mark flopped down in his bed after walking around the room for what seemed like hours. He started at the ceiling and tried to think back to all the things that had changed on a dime in the last three days.

The day after the cooking stream, Mark woke up early and was more than happy to see Toby curled against him like he had gotten so used to seeing, it was going to be a bit strange when he headed back home and had to live without Toby being pressed against his side all the time. Mark wrapped his arms around Toby and moved them so they were sitting up and Toby was tucked into his chest, face against his neck and away from the sunlight. He rubbed his back tenderly and ran fingers through Toby’s hair, just enjoying the moment for what it was. 

Toby eventually woke up and Mark greeted him with his usual kind smile and warm, “good morning.” he expected Toby to smile back, say ‘good morning’ and cuddle into him again, like he always did but instead he stared at Mark with a heavy and confusing look before he muttered something along the lines of a greeting and carefully removing himself from Mark’s grasp.

It was fine though, maybe he was hot or just wasn't up for it at the moment, no matter what the reason for it may have been, something in his chest squeezed a little bit as Toby shuffled to the other side of the bed and woke up properly. Mark wanted to reach out, he wanted to ask Toby what was wrong, he wanted to try and comfort him like he had done not more than a week prior. Before he could do that though Toby slipped out of the room quiet as a mouse, the only sound he made was the door closing on his way out. Mark started at the door as a hollow feeling started growing in his chest. 

If only it was that one time during that one day but throughout the day Mark tried to act as if nothing happened because maybe Toby was dealing with something and needed the space. Mark understood space because he would oftentimes take days to himself when he was dealing with some of his own personal stuff.

Their day had gone pretty much as normal after that morning with one notable exception: Toby didn't once ask to cuddle. Again, maybe he needed a bit of sauce to deal with some stuff, so Mark did his best to give him space. 

It took him a lot longer to fall asleep that night.

Mark sat up from his bed and scrubbed a hand through his hair, checking the time. Midnight, lovely. The night wasn't super cold so he figured stepping out into the yard wouldn't be a terrible idea, maybe the fresh air would help him settle down a little bit. 

Mark grabbed one of his hoodies without thinking much and quietly crept out of his room, he was close to Toby’s room so he decided that maybe he would check in and see if he was feeling better but as he got closer to to the door he heard the muffled sounds of ukulele music. Mark smiled and leaned his back against the wall beside the door for a moment, just listening to the music until it faded out and he heard a big sigh and then footsteps came up to the door. Mark pushed off the wall and tried to act like he was passing by when Toby opened the door, clearly not expecting to see him there since he startled back.

Mark smiled carefully at him, “hey, I was — “

“No,” Toby cut him off harshly and Mark flinched a little bit, “I don't want to cuddle tonight, I don't want to hang out, I’m tired,” he said with a hard edge to his voice. 

Mark was acutely aware of his hands starting to shake and his throat starting to tighten up, “oh, that's, um, that's fine maybe we could —” he tried.

“I said no Mark,” Toby snapped harshly at him, “not tonight, not tomorrow, I just...I’m tired, good night.” Toby said with a strained voice, avoiding eye contact.

The door closed in Mark’s face, it wasn't a slam, it was gentle and careful and controlled and Mark wished that it would have been a slam, anger was brash and impulsive, but this was gentle and casual.

Mark’s legs felt like jelly but he couldn't have a breakdown in the hallway outside of Toby’s room so he took deep breaths, trying to blink  away the blurriness in his eyes.

Mark managed to see enough to see where his sneakers were and put them on, he rushed out the backyard door and closed it behind him, falling to his knees on the grass and settling back to sit. As soon as he knew he could, Mark let himself cry, he let himself be miserable, let his head remind him of things he kept hidden. It was a justified punishment after all. 

The first day of being ignored was a bit rough but Mark woke up on the second day with some renewed hope. They were going out to see friends today and hopefully Toby would at least be feeling a bit better or would be willing to tell him what was bothering him. Mark wanted to help him out.

The car ride was silent and awkward and Mark hated it with the very fiber of his being. He tried to have a nice chat like they always did but it fizzled out quickly after as his brain screamed at him.

You're boring him

You're not interesting anymore

Looks like he finally got tired of your shit humor

Mark blinked away tears and turned to Toby who was looking out the window, same heavy look in his eyes. 

“I’m gonna listen to some music, do...do you want to listen?” He asked hopefully.

“No, thank you.”  Toby said, not turning to him, voice plain and devoid of anything. 

Mark nodded and put his headphones in, fingers hovering over the love songs playlist he had found himself going back to a lot during the trip. He wouldn't be able to handle one song without crying, so he selected a playlist with the loudest and hypest music he had and played it loud, trying to drown out his feelings, if his brain couldn't process a thought then he wasn't going to be sad.

Mark took a deep breath and tried to even out his breathing but it just kept getting faster and his hands kept shaking and the world kept closing in on him. Mark quickly shoved on the hoodie and curled up a little bit more, pressing his forehead ot his bent knees, breathing fast and getting light headed. 

As he was trying everything he could to calm down he caught the smell of the cologne — or was it perfume? — that Toby used from time to time. This must have been the sweater he lent to Toby the one he found tossed onto his bed when he came out from a shower. It hurt him to take it. He buried his nose in the neck and took a deep breath, taking some comfort in the familiar smell he had gotten so used to. 

Eventually he was able to flop back onto his back, laying in the grass and staring up at the sky. He was still crying and the occasional loud sob escaped his lips, out of places among the quiet ones. 

They met up with Tommy at his house and everyone greeted each other with a hug and big smiles that gave Mark a bit of hope. They weren't filming anything that day, it was strictly a hang out type of day and Mark was happy that he didn't need to put up the big streamer persona at the moment.

Mark was silent for the most part, happy to take a backseat so as to not drag down the mood, especially with how happy Toby looked as he talked to the others, he even looked genuine while doing it. 

Mark’s chest felt rotten.

He had tried to chat with Toby then and like in the car, the conversation fizzled out and Toby quickly steered the conversation to another topic and away from Mark.

The rotten feeling turned rancid and bitter. He saw the way Toby interacted with the others, how happy he seemed and how easily he let them touch him. 

He hated it.

He wanted that back.

He wanted to know why.

Mark knew that Tommy and Toby were close, they were best friends since forever ago, long before mark came along, and maybe that was why Toby had hushed conversations with him when they were playing video games and they thought no one would be paying attention, maybe that was why Toby looked like he was expressing an emotion other than the same blank fucking stare he had been giving Mark all day, maybe that was why he could actually stand to talk to Tommy.

Toby didn't speak to him for the rest of the day unless he had to, and at night he didn't  even bother to stick around long enough for Mark to wish him sweet dreams.

Mark's crying had stopped, which was good, he had gone a bit numb, which was less good. The world around him was a slight hum to his senses, it felt like a small disturbance, it didn't feel like he was connected to it. 

He didn't care.

He deserved it. 

That's what you get for falling in love.

You're so fucking useless, can't even keep a friend for very long huh?

Why are you crying? 

You did this to yourself.

You deserve to be ignored.

It's better if he forgets about you right? Then he doesn't have to deal with an anxious, clingy mess.

  Mark didn't argue, he knew his head was right. 

He really just wanted to know what he had done to deserve three days of being ignored and treated like an unwanted addition. 

God, today was so much worse. Today Toby didn't even bother to try and find him, he didn't speak to Mark, didn't wait for him to eat, nothing. Mark decided that if Toby didn't want him around then he wasn't going to be. He locked himself in his room for the day, skipping his meals in favour of keeping out of the way and not burdening Toby.

Despite it all, despite everything that had happened in three days, he still loved him, he still wanted him back as a friend, he craved his touch, and he just wanted to know what he did wrong.

Mark laid on the grass, staring up at the stars for ages, he wasn't paying much attention though, he still wasn't in himself, he was floating somewhere else, numb to the world around him.

Just as the sun was peeking over the clouds, the door to the backyard creaked open.

Chapter Text

Mark focused on the world again and he looked over to the person next to him. His eyes scanned up from knees, to chest and finally to face, Toby. He looked sad, maybe a bit guilty. It was a nice change of pace from the blank and far away stare he had been giving Mark recently.

“To what do I owe the honour of finally being acknowledged?” he asked, not bothering to hide the pain and roughness in his voice.

Toby looked over at him with such a sad look in his eyes that Mark wanted to cry again, chest twisting in ugly ways.

“What do you want, Toby?” He asked softly, “why are you here?”

They were silent for a moment before Toby spoke up, “I didn't see you today.”

Mark filled with anger. He clenched his fists and sat up, turning to Toby, “I know you didn't, I didn't leave my room all day but it's not like you would have noticed anyways given the way you pretended I didn't exist.” He shouted angrily.

Toby winced a little bit and opened his mouth but Mark cut him off.

“No,” he said firmly and shifted so Toby was looking at him, “you have been ignoring me for three days, you have made it abundantly clear that you can't stand to be around me for three days you can't just show up and think it’ll fine,” he said with a heavy sigh, eyes blurring with tears again, “do you know how much it fucking hurt to see you act all happy around Tommy and then look at me like you wanted me to disappear? That shit you pulled in the hallway? What the fuck was that, Toby?! I have been nothing but nice to you, I have tried to talk to you about what was going on, I have tried to ask about what I did wrong,” his voice shook and finally his tears overflowed, “I… what did I do wrong when we were playing the question game?” Mark was in tears again, shaking and terrified that he had lost his friend.

Mark hated that he was crying, he hated that Toby had to see him cry, but honestly he needed to see what he had done, Toby needed to get the message that Mark couldn't tell him with words.

Toby just stared at him for a moment, he looked sad, guilty. Toby opened his mouth but closed it and hesitantly raised his hands, holding them up to Mark’s face, waiting for permission or rejection. Mark should tell him no, he should tell him to fuck off, but he couldn't, he loved him too much, and he missed his touch, so he nodded a little.

Toby gave him a small smile that didn't reach the sadness in his eyes and he took a hold of Mark’s cheeks, using his thumbs  to wipe away the tears that fell. Toby leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together and this close Mark could hear how his breath shook. 

“Nothing, nothing you did absolutely nothing wrong,” he whispered and laughed, or sobbed, Mark couldn't tell, “I fucked up, so bad Mark, I fucked up and oh my god I'm sorry.”

Mark grabbed Toby’s wrists and then slid his hands down Toby’s arms to rest on his elbows.

“Why?” he asked softly.

“I… can I show you something? Before I explain?” He asked softly and pulled back to look at Mark, hope shining in his eyes. 

Mark nodded and let his shoulders drop a little bit. “Sure, go.”

Toby went to stand and then fell back to his knees, reaching out and cupping Mark’s cheek, leaning in and pressing a brief kiss to it, “I promise just...just trust me.”

Mark watched him go off and pressed a hand to his cheek.

What the hell was he going to do?

Mark waited on the grass his mind spinning over what Toby could possibly be getting to show him. 

He was shaken from his thoughts when the door opened again and Toby came rushing out with a ukulele in his hand. 

“Toby, what?”

“Shh,” he said and sat in front of him again, crossed legged, “could you...sing along if you agree?”

“Toby — “

“Please.”

Mark pressed his lips together but nodded. 

Toby set his fingers on the fret-board and started strumming a familiar tune, it was the one he had heard coming from his bedroom earlier. 

He saw him take a breath and then he started to sing.

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you

Across the water across the deep blue ocean

Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying

Mark’s eyes widened as he heard the lyrics, he really wanted him to be serious. Toby paused and looked up to Mark, waiting hopefully for him. 

Boy, I hear you in my dreams

I feel your whisper across the sea

I keep you with me in my heart

You make it easier when life gets hard

As he sang he saw Toby’s shoulders relax and his face split into a massive smile, tears falling from his eyes. Mark was still in shock, but he kept singing regardless, Toby joining in for the chorus.

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

There was more to the song but Mark broke, tears falling again but this time of joy.

Toby felt the same.

He felt the same.

Arms wrapped around him tightly and a face was nestled into his neck. Mark hugged him back tightly and cried happily squeezing Toby tightly to him. 

“Fuck, you don't know how happy that makes me,” Toby said into his neck and pulled away, tears on his cheeks.

“Then...why?”

Toby wiped his cheeks and nodded quickly, “right yea, that,” he said and sat back taking a deep breath, “when we were talking about our ideal dates I tried to tell you then but you just ignored it, I had been talking with Tommy before, about my feelings and he was telling me to tell you, being really annoying about it honestly,” he chuckled and shook his head, “and I did try, but you didn't acknowledge it and I thought that meant you just didn't feel the same.

“I felt hurt I guess, angry maybe, because I was foolish and i tried to put space between us so I didn't do something stupid, and got it hurt so much to look at you, I couldn't stand it and since you liked someone else I figured that me being all touchy feely with you wasn't good so I...cut it off,” he shook his head and shrugged, staring off a little bit, “when we went to meet up with Tommy, I wanted so badly to go back to normal, I wanted you back, but all I could think about was  you with someone else, and it made me angry because I wanted it to be me...needless to say Tommy gave me a deserved scolding when he figured out what I did, convinced me to try again.

“I didn't see how much this affected you, I didn't think about what would happen, how you would take it, oh my god,” his voice broke and he raised shaking hands to his mouth as the realization dawned on him, “oh fuck, you… I made you think this was your fault, I...you told me about your life,” Toby let out a sob and Mark quickly scooped him up and settled Toby on his lap, hugging him close.

“Mark, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I am so fucking sorry, this was never your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, I hurt you so much, I didn't...I didn't want to lose you  but I pushed you so far away.”

Mark tangled his fingers in his hair and ran his fingers through it gently, pressing small kisses to the side of his face as Toby cried into his shoulder. Toby had hurt him, he had fucked up massively but Mark understood, in a weird way he got it because he knew for a fact, he would have done the same, he would have put as much space between them to protect himself from benign hurt so much more when Toby got together with someone.

“I understand,” he said into his ear, “but when did you tell me?”

Toby pulled away and smiled softly, “when we were talking about our ideal dates, I told you about us at the cafe, that whole night was so special to me, it felt real, it was perfect.”

It all suddenly clicked, all the pieces of the puzzle coming together in his head and Mark laughed in disbelief. Toby had told him, he had told him directly that he loved him, he had even gone so far as to say that the person he loved was available despite what he thought. 

“I’m such a fucking idiot,” he shook his head. 

Toby laughed and nodded, “yea, you sure fucking are,” he cupped his cheek gently, “but hopefully you're my idiot.”

Mark’s smile softened and he locked eyes with Toby, nodding his head and leaning into his hand a bit, “yea, I am.”

Toby smiled and rubbed his cheek bone with his thumb, staring at Mark with the fondest eyes he had ever seen.

For the first time in his life, Mark decided to be a bit bold romantically and leaned in, pressing his lips to Toby’s gently in a soft kiss. Toby wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him back slowly, tugging Mark closer to him. 

The kiss was heavenly and it felt like the month’s worth of tension had finally been resolved. Kissing Toby was better than any dream he had ever had. Mark loved the way their lips melded together, the easy push and pull of the kiss and the way that Toby melted and pressed against him. Kissing Toby was perfect in every way. 

Mark pulled away and smiled softly at Toby, pressing one more kiss to the corner of his mouth, “can we go lay down? I’m really tired.”

“Of course we can,” Toby said and slowly detached himself from him, “how long has it been since you slept?”

“A day, maybe two, I’m not very sure, I haven't really been getting the best sleep.”

Toby looked at him with guilt and regret, reaching up to stroke his cheek, “fuck, I’m so sorry I caused that, I’ll make it up to you, not sure how I can make that massive a fuck up better, but I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” He smiled softly and hugged him close. 

“Come on big man, let's get you inside and we can cuddle while you sleep, streams can wait for a bit, or even the day, I just need you rested and taken care of okay?”

He nodded and smiled, letting Toby tug him inside by the hand. On the way past the kitchen he caught a glance at the clock and saw that it was only five in the morning. 

They had a whole day to rest.

That made Mark happy.

Chapter Text

Toby smiled back at him and opened the door to his room, letting go of Mark’s hand as he closed the door, turned out the lights and turned on the side lamp. Ark leaned against the wall and watched him scurry around the room, opening the window, drawing the curtains, turning off his computer. Mark smiled and took his phone from his pocket, tweeting out that he wasn't sure when his stream might be but that it would be late.

Toby walked up to him and smiled softly, “why don’t you get out those clothes?” 

Mark blushed and chuckled, “already want to get in my pants?” he asked, reaching out and holding his hips. 

“Go get some pajamas on, dumbass.” He laughed and leaned up on his toes. Mark nodded and leaned down to meet him midway, kissing him slow and gentle before pulling away and leaving the room.

Mark pulled on some sleep shorts and looked at the shirt he usually slept in, considering it for a moment. It was pretty hot, so he might be sweaty but the room was dark and the windows would be open. He decided to risk it and put on the shirt, if he got warm he could just take it off.

Mark knocked twice on Toby’s door before entering. Toby was sat cross legged in the middle of the bed with two plates, both had sandwiches on them and some chips. 

“Since I know you didn't eat yesterday…” he said, looking down at the plates, “we can eat something more when you wake up.”

Mark nodded and sat down  next to him, digging into the sandwiches.

After they ate Toby set their plates on his desk and pushed Mark down on his back, climbing onto his lap and leaning down to rest on top of him. 

“You really like being on top, huh?” He teased, pressing a kiss behind his ear. 

“I like it a lot, though I’m sure you would be wonderful on top of me as well.”

Mark smirked a little bit and pressed a kiss to his neck, “mm, you're gonna have to wait to see if you want me on top, I'm tired.”

Toby groaned a little and nipped at his neck, “Then sleep, I’ll be your teddy bear.”

Mark nodded and wrapped his arms around Toby tightly, keeping him tucked into him. He relaxed and let his eyes close and sleep finally took him.

Mark woke up a few hours later and he expected to wake up in an empty bed, he expected all of it to be a dream, to be his mind not wanting to admit that Toby wasn't his friend anymore. He was a bit surprised when he looked down and saw Toby still sound asleep on his chest. Mark smiled down at him and hugged him close, slipping his hands under Toby’s shirt and rubbing at his beck gently, happy to be able to have him in his arms. If he was being honest with himself as well, that was the best sleep he had in days, he missed Toby holding him, he missed waking up to him, he was beyond happy to finally be able to not hold back his feelings around him.

After a little while Toby woke up and decided to alert Mark to the fact that he was awake by placing kisses to the underside of his jaw, nipping here and there.

“Hey, there,” Mark smiled and turned his head to slot their lips together. Toby smiled into the kiss and nipped at his bottom lip before pulling back slightly.

“Hi handsome.”

Mark blushed and looked away, “Is that gonna be a normal thing now?”

“Do you want it to be?”

Mark thought for a moment. Was he okay with it? Was he ready to hear that he was pretty or handsome or sexy or whatever at least once a day?

“I wouldn't mind,” he said and sat them up, sliding his hands further up Toby’s back, “ease me into it first.” He muttered and dipped his head down to kiss his jaw gently.

Toby sighed and leaned his head to the side from him, “sure, let's keep it between us for now.”

Mark nodded and paused his kisses for a moment before smirking. Mark shifted a bit and gripped Toby’s hips tightly to keep him still and then bit down on his neck, scraping his teeth along the heated skin, getting a deep satisfaction in the rough gasp that shook Toby’s entire body. 

“Jesus Christ, Mark,” he said as he panted, “it is still way too early for this.” 

Mark chuckled around the skin he was nipping and sucking at, but did pull away, looking at the red marks and getting a sense of pride in them, knowing that in a few days they were going to contrast beautifully on his skin. 

“I need to shower,” Mark smiled at Toby. 

“You fucking dick,” he laughed and fell forward into his chest, “oh my god, I did not know you had that in you.”

Mark hummed and rubbed his sides, “I’ve only really been like that...one other time? I think?”

“That was hot as fuck,” Toby said and held Mark’s cheeks, “you are doing that again sometime.” 

Mark smiled fondly and nodded, pressing a kiss to his wrist, “sure, whenever you want.”

Mark carefully removed Toby from his lap and kissed the top of his head, “I’m gonna go shower, we can go eat breakfast after if you want.”

Toby nodded and stood up from the bed, stretching out. 

Mark’s shower was surreal. It felt so different to be able to listen to a love song and not get immediately hit with guilt or the urge to cry, he made it. He did it. Toby was his boyfriend and Mark was over the moon at the ability to be able to just tell him everything he felt for him without having to weave it into a vaguely platonic sentence. 

Mark already had plans on what he wanted to do with Toby, they had an entire content list of things to do but now he might need to start a list of things they could do together in private and as a couple. Maybe he could convince Toby to try the cafe date again, but this time not invite the others,keep it as just them, a private date, just like what Toby had described. Maybe when Toby came over for VidCon they could try out Mark’s ideal date, recreate his dream as well, just to see how dull it was compared to reality.

He found Toby in the kitchen making pancakes. He looked really cute, hair a little damp from his shower, in shorts and a shirt that was way too big and definitely stolen from his drawers — not like he minded all that much though. Mark walked up behind him, making sure that he was making ample noise to not startle him and pressed up against his back, hand holding his hips. 

“Is that my shirt?” He asked softly, hooking his chin over his head.

Toby shrugged and plated another pancake, “I don't know, I found it in my room…”

Mark hummed and squeezed his hips a bit, “I must have left it...or, you stole it while I showered.”

“I guess we’ll never know,” Toby said with a cheeky smile, “now, grab a plate, time for breakfast.”

Mark hummed and reached out to grab the plates, taking them to the table and setting them down across from each other, helping Toby gather the toppings for them. 

“You don't have to do all this, you know?” He said, sitting down and grabbing the butter, “I don't mind helping you out.”

Toby shook his head and looked down at his plate a little sadly, “I want to take care of you, I… I did this to you, it's only fair that I fix my mess, I want to make sure that you're taken care of, that you're okay again,” Toby’s voice was a bit shaken but determined, “please let me take care of you today.”

Mark knew that there was no way he could say no, both because he was weak for him , but also because saying now wouldn't really mean anything; Toby would still hover and take care of him regardless, both from guilt and concern, so he knew that it was better to just agree and not make Toby feel worse.

“Sure, I would like that a lot.”

Toby gave him a small half smile as he ate his breakfast. 

After breakfast Mark was grabbed and practically thrown onto the couch. Toby managed to move him so he was on the bottom and Mark was laying on his chest, head tucked into his neck like always.

“If we’re gonna watch a move I kinda need my eyes.”

Toby grinned against his ear and pressed a kiss to it, “In a bit just let me hold you for a bit.”

Mark nodded and relaxed in his arms, letting Toby hold him as tightly as he wanted and for as long as he wanted, Mark himself occasionally dropping a kiss to his neck and jaw. 

They did stream that day, around four or five in the afternoon. It was a joint stream on the SMP and they were laying the husbands act on thick, thicker than usual. It was purposeful really, being so overly sweet and lovely while still keeping their usual steam personas — Toby being chaotic and borderline insane and Mark being the gentle giant who occasionally indulges in chaos. It was a nice way to get out all their new affections and to throw chat off the scent of them actually being together since that was definitely something that they wanted to keep secret. 

They had a very lengthy conversation on the whole thing actually; they talked about their boundaries between them — there weren't very many since they had been really close friends prior —, they talked about how they would act around their friends, how they would act in public alone, in public with friends, and on streams. It was a bit exhausting but since both of them were technically influencers, or at the very least large internet personalities, they needed to keep a very close eye on what they shared with the world and what they kept secret, lest it ruin their careers.

They had come to the agreement that in private there were no restraints aside from their own limits, and decided to operate on a listen for my no type of deal where if they wanted to do something they would ask and then just listen for a no or a yes after a trial run. In private with friends they were probably going to tone it back to how they were before, close and touchy but nothing excessive and no kissing. With friends in public they were strictly friends, no hand holding, no kissing, teasing and hugs were fine. In public alone they decided that they could like hold hands, hugs, and things like that but no kissing unless they were in private. On stream was the most restrictive, obviously; they weren't going to do anything on stream except be friends, which was for the best since neither of them wanted to deal with the tsunami of questions or feel the need to perform for their chat.

It was definitely going to be a pain to have to adapt so much but it would be worth it and it was for their privacy so they both understood that it was something that needed to be done in order for them to be happier in their relationship.

When they wrapped up the stream they kept playing for a bit, getting joined in by Tommy who immediately checked in to see if Mark was okay. As soon as Tommy knew that Mark was feeling alright, he laid into Toby about what he had done and how stupid it was for him to do that. Mark was all fuzzy inside from the fierce defense he was getting from Tommy. Once Tommy had finished with his scolding and Toby had been properly scolded and made to realize the consequences they told him about how it ended up working out by the end. He found it hilarious but they both already knew that, and he was really happy for them, calling them absolutely perfect from each other. 

Today was a good day. 

Maybe sleeping all day wasn't for the best because at three in the morning Mark was wide awake and scrolling on his phone. He debated going to Toby’s room, but he was probably asleep. He wanted to wake him up though. Toby had spent the whole day taking care of Mark, making sure he was always comfy and happy and cozy, and he wasn't going to lie and say that it wasn't needed, it was. Those three days had taken a massive toll on him to the point where over the three days he had gotten a combined total of six to seven outs of sleep, he hadn't really eaten much and he was just miserable. He needed the rest day, and it was since to be taken care of, but he knew that Toby was probably tired so he could manage his sleep a little bit. 

There was a quiet knock on his door and Toby popped his head in with a shy smile. 

“Can you come to the kitchen?” he asked with the big puppy eyes.

Mark shoved his phone in his pocket and nodded, standing up and following Toby out to the kitchen.

When they got in Mark looked around for stuff that was broken, out of place, if there were ingredients on the counter or if Toby had made them food, but there wasn't.. 

“What did you want me here for?”

“I wanted to dance with you, like I said we were going to do, remember?”

He did remember actually. He remembered that the image of dancing with Toby at three in the morning kept him up at night for longer than it likely should have, 

“I do,” he said and reached out for him, “do you have music ready?”

Toby nodded and held his hand tightly. 

“Yea, but you can go first.”

Mark nodded and walked to Toby’s speaker, connecting his phone and scrolling through his music. He scrolled for a bit before he clicked on that playlist again. He could show Toby it this time, it was alright. He went through it before choosing a chill r&b song. 

He pressed play and turned to Toby, reaching for him and tugging him in, settling his hands on his hips while Toby’s looped around his neck. 

“Of course, ever the romantic,” Toby teased and leaned his head on Mark’s chest as they swayed slowly to the song. 

Mark didn't really reply and instead took to singing along to the song the best he could as he slowly danced with Toby. 

It's the sunrise

And those brown eyes, yes

You're the one that I desire

When we wake up

And then we make love

It makes me feel so nice

You're my water when I'm stuck in the desert

You're the Tylenol I take when my head hurts

You're the sunshine on my life

I just wanna see how beautiful you are

You know that I see it

I know you're a star

Where you go I follow

No matter how far

If life is a movie

Then you're the best part,

Mark smiled and looked down at the top of Toby’s head. 

“You don't know how long I’ve been looking forward to this, “ he whispered. 

“Trust me, boo, I know damn well how long,” he said and peered up at him. 

The song came to an end and they stopped waving but didn't pull away even as the next song played, it was slow as well anyways. Mark leaned down and kissed Toby for the thousandth time that day, still not getting tired one bit. 

Chapter Text

Today was the day they went bowling and Mark was so excited for it. He wasn't very sure why it had taken nearly two months to do it but he supposed that getting everyone to agree on a date was tricky considering that they had busy schedules and preset commitments and everything but they all managed to sort out a date really into the future and just planned around it. 

That morning Mark had slipped out of bed on his own, sneaking away to the kitchen to make Toby some breakfast. Mark said his usual good mornings to Toby’s family as they left for their regular lives. Telling Toby’s family had been a surprisingly painless endeavor since they both knew that Toby liked him for a while and they had actually thought that they were together already since they were very close from day one, which was a bit sad on their end since they didn't actually realize that they looked like that until much much later on. Mark’s parents were also very supportive and even if he already knew that, the congratulations, praise and acceptance settled the anxiety in Mark’s chest.

That had been a really good day if he was honest and he and Toby were so happy that they hadn't lost their smiles the rest of the day. 

Mark smiled at the memory and  went about making them some pancakes with cut up fruit and some eggs. As he was getting the ingredients for pancakes from scratch he decided that he had both time and the desire to be a bit fancy today so he tucked everything away and started digging for any large loaves of bread in the house so he could make them some french toast. Mark looked in every sing;e spot he could think of and found absolutely nothing, now a normal person would probably just give up and just make pancakes but Mark knew for a fact that not only was the grocery store a ten minute walk away, but there was also a bakery in the same place, and he would die before he changed his mind on french toast — okay maybe a bit extreme but he really wanted it. 

Mark crept upstairs to his room and grabbed some clothes as quickly and quietly as he could, he didn't need to look nice, just presentable and that meant shorts and a shirt. He was about to undress in the room but he remembered that the last time he did that he woke up Toby and he really wanted this to be a surprise so he slipped away into the hallway and changed. Mark wrote Toby a quick note and made sure he would see it in the case that he did wake up. Mark grabbed Toby’s house keys and his mask and took a little trip down tot he bakery.

Mark ended up coming back with a few more things than just bread but they were snacks so it didn't matter too much since they were going to be eaten. He was really lucky that Toby still hadn't woken up yet which meant he could make them a nice breakfast and still have it be a surprise.

Mark went back to his room to check on Toby and smiled at the sleeping boy, snuggled up to one of the pillows with one of Mark’s sweaters on ti to keep him fooled for a bit longer. Mark cooed softly at him and grabbed his headphones, pairing them to his phone and then sneaking back downstairs to cook. 

He moved around the kitchen easily, having gotten used to where everything was by now. When he cooked, he tended to got into this sort of ‘flow’ where he would be moving more on autopilot than anything else, especially if it was a recipe that Mark knew how to make really well. He had some Lo-Fi music playing as well which was really helping him out by filling his head with relaxing instrumental noises as he danced around the kitchen, frying, plating, cutting, the works. 

By the end of the tenth song Mark had made them a very filling but very unhealthy breakfast: 4 cream cheese stuffed french toast which was two slices of french toast with cream cheese in the center, some fruit the was somehow spared from hungry mouths, coffee and some eggs. Mark set the table and smiled at the presentation of it, all that he needed as Toby.

Mark walked back to the bedroom and crept over to the bed, laying himself behind Toby and wrapping arms around him, pressing kisses to the nape of his neck.

“Wake up, dearest husband,” he teased with a smile, gently shaking Toby as he kept kissing his neck and shoulders.

Toby groaned and leaned back into him, eventually managing to roll over to hid in his chest, “what do you want?”

Mark smiled down at him and rubbed his back, “I made us breakfast.”

Toby half hummed, half whined and slowly untangled himself from Mark’s arms, sitting up, “what time is it?”

“About half nine,” he said, sitting up and reaching over to smooth out his hair a little bit.

Toby sighed and moved to get off the bed, purposely climbing over Mark and pausing in his lap.

“Can I help you?” He asked, holding his hips.

Toby shrugged and looped his arms over his shoulders, “not sure, handsome,” he said with a sleepy smile and leaned in biting Mark’s lower lip, “I can think of a few things, do you think you could help me with those?” 

He gripped Mark's wrists and guided his hands down  his sides and rested them on his ass. Mark blushed red but played along, squeezing a bit and pulling him closer.

“Hmm,” he considered and brushed their lips together, “this might take a bit of time, thought I might be able to after breakfast, hows that sound?”

Toby smiled and brushed their noses, hand tangled in Mark’s hair, “I suppose that's acceptable.”

Mark smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek, helping them both stand up and then followed Toby downstairs.

Toby loved the breakfast he made. Mark had made this for himself multiple times already back home so the novelty of it had kind of worn off for him, but he didn't think that Toby had ever actually eaten the french toast in that way as well as paired with the other things. It was very cute to see him going ham on the food, at least he was enjoying it. 

Toby shoved Mark into his room and kicked the door shut out of habit. He grabbed Mark’s shirt and pulled him down into a rough kiss. Mark got with it and grabbed his waist, pressing Toby into the nearest wall. He was mainly playing this by ear, trying to remember what his ex said she likes, what they did together and what the internet had told him was good or felt nice. He supposed he was doing okay since Toby was keening into his mouth and tugging on his hair in a way that made him groan into the kiss. Mark pulled away from the kiss for a breather and started kissing down Toby’s neck, placing open mouth kisses to it, making sure he was scraping his teeth the way he knew it made the boy gasp, biting and sucking roughly, knowing that there were going to be beautifully purple bruised there for the next week or so. 

Toby gasped and leaned his head back into the wall as he enjoyed the treatment, eventually though he used the hands in Mark's hair and pulled his face back, “get out of those clothes right now,” he painted. 

Mark didn't need to be told twice and very quickly was in his boxers along with Toby. he gripped at his small hips and tossed him gently onto the bed, taking place between his legs. 

“Let’s deal with your ‘thing’, shall we?” He smirked and leaned down to kiss him again. 

Bowling was a whole blast. Mark was a bit nervous since it was being filmed for a vlog both by him and by Tommy and he had down a number on Toby’s neck, but he managed to get into his sister’s makeup and did...something, in order to hide them fully so they were only really visible of you were up really close to his neck, or you were the one who left them there in the first place. 

The other reason Mark was a bit worried was because he would need to tone down his affectionate touching of Toby and he’d have to match it to how he casually touched the others without letting the touches linger a bit too long and he had to watch what camera was where so he could properly lean in and tell Toby things over the music and the chatter. Tommy was filming so he knew that if something is overt in the vlog he would cut it but neither he nor Toby wanted to force him to be vigilant and have to cut out so much so they made sure to keep it to themselves. 

Overall the bowling was really fun as to be expected with all of them in the same room, yelling and laughing and teasing. Eventually they decided to get some food and take a short break. Wilbur and Tommy went to order food and Phil was on the phone with Kristen so he and Toby were pretty much left to themselves. Toby pressed up against his side and leaned in to whisper in his ear. 

“Meet me outside round the back in a minute.” He smiled and bounded off, saying something about getting something for snacks or something. Mark waited for a minute or two after he left and muttered about going to the bathroom, heading in their direction and then detouring to the side door, stepping out. Toby immediately grabbed onto him and tugged him into a big hug, burying his face into Marl’s chest.

“This is harder than I thought,” he whined. 

Mark gently pet him and hummed, hugging back, “it is but we agreed to not burden Tommy with it so much remember?”

“I know, but I want kissies,” he pouted  up at him. 

Mark smiled and looked around quickly before leaning down a  bit to kiss him. Their kiss was slow and sweet and showed that both of them missed each other a lot, which was nice since it meant Mark wasn't the only one struggling. 

As with most of their needy kisses, it escalated bit by bit until Toby was pressed against the wall and clinging to Mark with his arms around his hips. 

Mark panted and smiled as Toby kissed down his neck until his phone rang. Toby pulled away angrily and answered the phone with a short, ‘what?’.

There was silence as Mark Heard muffled talking on the other end and then Toby sighed and hung up. 

“Food is about two minutes from being finished, lets head back in unless you want questions. 

Mark nodded and set him down, pressing one last chaste kiss to Toby’s lips before letting him inside.

Chapter Text

They got home from the bowling place rather late, as they walked up the driveway they saw the dark house and knew that they would need to be quiet for the night. Toby unlocked the door and winced at the sound it made on the hinges. 

They slowly made their way upstairs and into Mark’s room, shutting and locking the door behind them. 

Toby sighed and fell backwards on the bed, “that was so much fun.”

“Bit stressful but yea, really fun,” Mark smiled and sat next to him, just looking at Toby for a bit. 

“We should shower,” Mark muttered softly and resisted the urge to lay down with Toby in bed.

“I don't wanna go across the house though,” Toby whined softly and pouted at him. 

“Just use my shower and sleep in boxers or something,” he shrugged, “not like it would be the first time.”

Toby blushed and looked away, “shut up oh my god,” he shoved Mark’s shoulder, “can I borrow a shirt and boxers then?”

Mark laughed and nodded, “sure, top and middle drawer.” 

As Toby showered Mark went about setting up the room so they could get some rest. He pulled back the covers in front of the bed, opened the windows, drew the curtains, dug around a bit and pulled out some snacks for them to eat until they fell asleep. Mark looked through his drawers for some sleep clothes but he was hot and a little sticky so he was probably just going to sleep in boxers and call it a night honestly, he could deal with Toby being handsy. 

He heard the water shut off and a minute or two after Toby exited the room wearing one of his larger shirts, it hit him just at the bottom of his boxers and it made him look even smaller than he was. Mark cooed at him and wrapped him up in a tight hug, kissing all over his face.

“Oh my god you look so cute!” he said, lifting Toby up a little bit as he whined and playfully kicked out his feet. 

“Get off me you fucking heathen,” he laughed and tried to push mark off. 

Mark laughed and kissed him one last time before setting him down, “I'll be back, I got some snacks  while I was in town, feel free to have some.”

Mark stepped into the shower and stripped off quickly, turning the water on and stepping under, groaning at the heat and the stinging sensation as the hot water hit the red marks down his back. Mark lathered himself up  and thought back on their day. Their friends had been really fun and hyper for the vlog, the perfect balance of real life and their streamer personas. During the times where the cameras were off they were a lot more relaxed and into the game, which was great from Mark since it gave him a focal point that wasn't just Toby, because if it was then he would be all over him in every way that he was able to be in public, but again, they made a deal to keep it private and they assured Tommy that they would be careful and wary with how they acted for videos. All in all, he thought that they did a decent job though it did help that their friends were all way too focused on making the vlog funny to actually take stock of the face that when both he and Toby came back their hair was a bit less styled, lips a bit more red, and their clothes the slightest bit out of place. They did fix it later on but he was glad that it went unnoticed. They made a kinda impulsive move there.

Mark rinsed himself off and stepped out, prepping his toothbrush and starting to brush his teeth as he moved around and half cleaned the bathroom. 

When he exited the bathroom Toby was cozied  up in bed, munching on some snacks as he scrolled through his phone. 

He smiled at  the boy and joined him in bed, tugging him into his side and stealing a bit of his food. 

“Hey, sexy,” Toby said when he noticed that Mark was only in his boxers. He turned over and set the snack aside before laying a hand on his chest, “to what do I owe  the show of skin?”

Mark rolled his eyes and tugged him a bit closer, “it's hot, I don't wanna get all sweaty,” he shrugged.

Toby nodded and made a noise to say he wasn't very convinced but he didn't push it much more, clearly tired from the long day. 

“Whatever you say, boo,” he hummed leaning up to kiss him, “I like it, you look really hot in your boxers.”

“You have literally seen me naked,” he said plainly but his face broke out in a smile right after.

“And you looked amazing naked, you always look good to me, Mark, you should know that after what? Nearly three months?”

Jesus, it had been nearly three months and they spent a good part of the first dancing around each other's feelings until something broke. He supposed that it wasn't so bad though, since it really was maybe two weeks worth of dancing around and then smooth sailing from there. 

“Hey, you alright?” Toby asked him softly and cupped his cheek, turning his head.

He blinked  a few times and smiled, “yea, just thinking about how long it took us to realize we liked each other, seems so obvious in hindsight.”

Toby hummed and tucked himself against him, “yea, I suppose, but we’re together now so the past doesn't really matter all that much.”

Mark nodded and turned to properly be able to cuddle Toby, “I suppose you're right,”

Mark closed his eyes  and he shield softly when he felt a kiss on his neck, “night, Mark.”

“Good night, Toby,” he whispered and kissed the top of his head before drifting off.

Chapter Text

Mark ended his stream and leaned back in his hair with a sigh. He had a good stream but it was so tiring. He and Toby decided to do a joint stream for a change and keep all his flirty comments to an acceptable level as well as making sure to keep his personal conversations with Toby friendly and not like they were together which was honestly a lot more effort than needed. 

Mark relaxed in his chair a bit and closed his eyes, letting his body relax from the stream. He was toying the line of sleep and benign awake when arms draped over his shoulders and kisses were pressed to his neck and jaw. 

Mark smiled and kept his eyes closed, humming lowly at the kisses, “did you miss me that much?”

Toby smiled against his neck and bit down lightly, “yea,” he muttered into his neck.

Mark nodded and spun around in his chair, letting Toby sit in his lap, gently rubbing his sides, “what do you need, honey?”

Toby smiled a little at the pet name — something he had been trying out recently — and leaned in to brush their lips, “just wanted to be near you,” he said softly

Mark laughed and hummed, pressing their lips together briefly, “so you're just needy then,” he stated and laughed at the light hit it got him. 

“Shut up,” Toby huffed and looked away.

“I’m sorry,” he tried, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “will you let me make it up to you at least?”

Toby’s upset front broke a little bit at the offer, clear and obvious considering who they were and what they had gotten up to in three and a bit months.

“Depends, are you going to make it up to me like you always do?”

Mark nodded and leaned in, kissing his neck softly, “if it's what you want as well, honey.”

“I want it, boo, always do.” Toby said and pressed closer to him, leaning his head back as Mark pressed more kisses to his neck. He let his tongue press and drag against his neck. Mark moved his arms up to support Toby’s back as he kissed further down his neck  and onto his collarbones, biting down on either side of the bone just to hear Toby groan, he licked at the bite in an apology.

“Fuck,” Toby panted and tangled his hands in Mark’s hair, pressing him a bit closer, “please.” 

Mark smirked against his neck and purposefully didn't  do as he was told, instead he moved up a bit higher  and sucked hard on the skin just above his collarbone, repeating a few times in other sports just to refresh the bruises that were nearly faded away.

“Jesus, christ please .” Toby whined and rolled his hips down on him. 

Mark groaned and finally gave in, “get on the bed, you know what to do I presume?”

Toby nodded quickly and scrambled off him and headed to the bed. 

Mark stared up at the ceiling as Toby rolled into his arms snuggling up close to him. They were both still a bit flushed and sweaty but that was nothing a shower couldn't fix so it would be fine. 

“I don't think I can ever get used to the full fuckin’ 180 you pull every time.” Toby said into his neck.

Mark blushed and wrapped his arms tighter around him, pressing light kisses all over the side of his face and neck, “do you want me to tone it down a bit?” he asked a bit nervously.

“Don't you fucking dare,” Toby said quickly and pulled back, squishing his cheeks a bit.

Mark laughed and nodded, leaning in and kissing him softly.

“Oh!” Toby said suddenly and misled widely at Mark, “now that we’re, y’know, boyfriends, what do you say to a proper date?”

A proper date huh?

It wouldn't be so bad, it would be really nice to actually be able to spend some time alone with Toby with no cameras, no friends, no pressure, nothing like that. Just the two of them.

“Sure, it sounds nice,” he said. 

“Awesome, tonight at five, we’ll catch the train into town.”

“What were you going to do if I said no?” Mark asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“I knew you weren't going to,” Toby giggled and moved to sit on his hips, straddling Mark.

He was right, obviously, Mark liked spending time with him too much to say no and they had never really been on a real date so he wasn't going to pass up on the occasion. 

“You know me too well,” he shook his head and flipped  them over. 

“Yea well, so do you, so we’re even.” Mark laughed and leaned down to kiss him.

Mark stood in front of the mirror and looked at this outfit. He wasn't as dressed up this time around, but he thought he looked rather nice. Toby hadn't told him where exactly hey were going, he was toying the time with casual and fancy, he would definitely be allowed into a restaurant but he wouldn't be overdressed, plus he was wearing his brand so he was feeling extra confident. 

Toby opened the door not a second after he turned away from the mirror. Toby looked pretty as ever in nice jeans and a black button up halfway undone. 

“You look good,” Mark smiled and walked over, running  a finger over the very vivid hickeys all over his chest and neck.

Toby’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment before reaching out and undoing Mark’s buttons showing off his matching set, “so are you, now let's get going, I have a great date planned for us.”

The lovely evening as it turns out, was a slight modification on that time they went out with their friends to dinner and an exact play by play of his ideal date that he described ages ago. Mark picked up on it right away but kept his mouth shut.

Toby took Mark around the town, dragging him along to all his favorite places. They went to a fountain that was practically deserted, then to a little pond in the same park where they watched the sunset  over the water. 

After the sun had gone down and the city was lit Toby slowed down his tour and just led Mark around the busy places, showing him how it looked like in the evening with all the buildings illuminated and colourful, he showed him the parks and how intimate it felt to walk along the silent and empty paths with the warm streetlight overhead. 

Around the middle of a walk Mark pulled Toby off the main path and slightly out of the view of the lamps and tugged him close, leaning down and pressing a firm, loving kiss to his lips. Toby wrapped his arms around Mark’s neck and kissed him back with the same emotion.

“What was that for?”

“Nothing just...I’m having a good time and I love this a lot, thank you.” He whispered softly.

Toby smiled and kissed his cheek, hugging him close, “I love this too, but we have one more spot to go to and then we can head home and cuddle and kiss all we want.

The very last place that Toby was taking him was the same cafe they had gone to the first time. Mark smiled fondly at it and thanked it for benign the actual thing that got them together or at least a little closer to it. Mark opened the door for him and followed Toby inside. They were once again told that they would be closing soon.

Up at the counter was the exact same barista as last time and she smiled at them fondly, “I’m sorry for asking, but were you the two that were on the date here a few months back?”

Mark blushed a little bit and nodded, “yea, it was us, we...weren't actually on a date then.” he chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

“Oh, I’m sorry for assuming! You should have told me.”

Toby jumped in and waved his hands a little bit, “no, no it was fine we kinda needed the push,” he chuckled. 

The baristas eyes light up a little bit in amusement, “and is this a date now, then?”

They both nodded, faces pink. She beamed at them and quickly came from around the counter and ushered them to a far off table, saying something about sitting down and being right back.

They were both a bit dazed and confused from the excitement but they soon had two lattes and cakes in front of them.

“You don't have to do this, miss,” Mark said quickly.

“Absolutely not, you two eat, this one is on us,” she said and went back tot e counter. 

Mark looked at Toby with a half smile and sipped on his latte. They fell into easy conversation not long after. 

As it turns out, the barista that gave them the cake the first night was the owner's wife. As they were set to leave Toby had insisted on saying thank you and when the owner had come out from the back they both knew that her wife was the barista. They were right. They were honestly lovely people, and they ended up staying a bit behind to chat and maybe get a bit of dating advice since Mark was sure they looked like they had never dated men before. In all honesty it was really nice to have someone dote over them and give them some pointers on how to make things last, how to deal with distance and everything. 

Who would have known that two lesbian cafe owners would be so motherly.

Mark fell into bed with a sigh and looked over to Toby next to him, giving him a huge smile, “I really enjoyed our date,”

“So did I, I think the unofficial mom’s were the highlight though, you were a close second though, boo.” he teased.

Mark laughed and reached out to him, taking his hand and lacing their fingers, “nah I was gonna say the same thing, I still can't believe they knew before we did, we really were idiots.” 

Toby hummed and rolled over so his back was facing mark as both an invitation to spoon him and a request. Mark obliged and pressed up against his back, siding a hand under Toby’s neck and resting the other on his tummy, rubbing it in little circles as they both dozed off. 

“Night, boo.”

“Night, bo.”

Chapter Text

Mark was leaving England in two days and the looming date was hanging over him like a weight. Back home he had freedom, he had friends, he had family, he had a lot of things, but the one thing he didn't have was Toby. Really, he would only be alone for two or three weeks at the most, since Toby was going to be coming over for VidCon and staying for a month or so as well. Even so, it still hollowed out his chest when he thought about having to leave all of what he had here behind. 

In the UK he had amazing friends, freedom to go wherever he wanted really, and most importantly, he had Toby. Back home Mark had his family, a few friends and...that was it; Dream lived in Florida with Sapnap, the others somewhere near the middle and very far away from him. 

This entire vacation really just cemented that Mark would need to move out and go abroad or work something out with Toby. He loved the UK, sure politically it was a mess but he could pull his American card and save himself the opinions. He wanted to live with Toby, and even Tommy as well, it would be an adjustment but it would be doable and kinda fun, the college roommate experience he never got (and never wanted) and with people he knew and trusted. 

"You alright?" Toby asked. Mark jumped violently from the scare, and clutched his chest.

"Yea, yea," he panted a bit and turned to Toby, "just thinking is all, nothing serious."

Toby frowned a little and sat next to him on the couch, pressing up to his side a bit, "your thoughts are serious though, what's wrong?"

Mark sighed softly and leaned both into him and back into the couch, "I don't want to leave," he shrugged, "I'm really happy here, I have my friends close by, I have freedom to do essentially whatever, and I have you here too" he said with a small smile towards the end.

Toby smiled and nodded. Mark felt his fingers slot between his and squeeze tight.

“I know it’s gonna be hard, but I’ll be here in a week or two after you land,” he said softly.

Mark knew that he was trying to comfort him, and it was partially working but Mark could read Toby just as well as Toby could read him, and he could see the dread and loneliness in his eyes even as he tried to give Mark hope and it was kind of working but he knew that the words were just as much for Toby himself as they were for him. Mark squeezed his hand tightly and leaned over to kiss his cheek. 

“I can't wait for you to visit,” he smiled against his cheek, “I have so many things I want to show you.” 

Toby smiled and climbed into his lap, playing with his hair, “are you gonna finally take me on that date you were talking about?”

Mark smiled and nodded, rubbing Toby’s cheek as he envisioned it, “yea, I’m gonna take you to Santa Monica pier and we’re gonna go on the rides there, like the Ferris wheel, carousel,” he smiled and pressed kisses to his cheeks as he imagined Toby laughing loudly on the faster rides, “then we can walk around the pier for a bit, maybe go to one of the surf and turf places around there, then after all that, I’ll take you to this little place I know on the beach where we can watch the sunset over the water in private.”

Toby smiled at him softly as he kept playing with his hair, “that sounds like a dream, Mark.”

Mark was not about to tell him that it very literally was a dream, one that he was in as well. There were some things that would be kept a secret and his love sick dreams were one of those things. 

“I really liked having you here,” Toby smiled and leaned forward, pressing a deep kiss to his mouth. Mark didn't respond directly to him because he knew that he wouldn't be able to accurately express how happy and grateful he was to have gotten to spend this time with Toby, so he leaned into the kiss and returned it with as much passion and love as he could convey. He wrapped his arms around Toby and pulled him closer, pressing into the kiss a little more and biting at his bottom lip. 

Later that night mark stood in his empty room and looked around; he spent four months in that room, he had made it his in way and now that all the weird things he had around the room were packed up it felt hollow and foreign, he didn't like the feeling that it gave him, the looming date that meant he was leaving and not coming back for a while. 

He would just sleep with Toby until he left. 

“Hey, can I show you something?” Toby asked from the doorway. 

Mark looked at him and nodded, grabbing one of his hoodies from a nearby chair and slipping it on. He followed Toby to one of the less used rooms in the house and watched in amused confusion as he climbed out of a window and sat on the roof, motioning for Mark to join him. 

Mark did follow and he carefully climbed out of the window and sat down next to him. Toby was looking up at the stars with a slight smile on his face and Mark really couldn't look away from him, he didn't want to anyways, but he knew that he wouldn't be seeing these stars for a while so he looked up at the night sky.

The night stars were beautiful. Mark leaned back against the roof and stared up at the night sky, getting lost in it's endless stars and deep void. Space was a scary thing to a lot of people. Space was unsettling in how unfathomably large it was and how vast. Mark thought space was beautiful in the same way the deep ocean was beautiful, it was vast and deep and unexplored and because of it's mystery and richness, it was beautiful. 

Mark turned his head and smiled at Toby softly, both of them chuckling when they locked eyes.

“The stars are beautiful.” Mark smiled softly.

“I come up here when I need to be alone, on a clear night it does the trick.”

Mark nodded and stared at Toby for a moment chuckling at the shiver that ran through him. 

“Are you cold?” He asked. 

“A little.”

Mark nodded and sat up, taking off his hoodie, passing it to Toby. 

“Here, I had a sweater on anyway.”

Toby looked at the sweater and carefully put it on, “are you sure?”

“Yea, if i get cold I can just cuddle you.”

Toby looked away for a moment before he smiled widely.

Toby looked adorable in his hoodie. It was massive on him and he was swimming in the fabric. His fingers were just barely peeking over the sleeves and the bottom of the hoodie reached his mid thighs.

“You're staring, boo.”

“I know,” he hummed, “you look cute.” Mark smiled and shuffled closer.

Toby bit his lip and moved closer, taking the initiative and swinging a leg over Mark's hips, sitting himself in his lap.

Mark held his hips and tugged him closer, pressing their chests together.

“I love it when you wear my clothes.” he whispered and kissed the side of his mouth, “you look cute,” he kissed his cheek, “you look mine.” He misled brushing their lips together.

“You sappy fuck.” Toby smiled and leaned forward pressing their lips together hard. 

Mark smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Toby.

Tonight was theirs.

Tonight was perfect. 

Tonight was a night that Mark would hold in his heart for years to come.