Archive of Our Own ^beta

“What is that?”

Nick turned his gaze to see what Sole was talking about. It was a flower Nick had actually never seen before, big and glowing with radiation.

“Hang back, it’s obviously irradiated,” Nick said. “I’ll give it a look.”

Sole nodded, and Nick approached it. Aside from its size and the green glow, it almost looked like a rose whose petals had been blown open. It was curious. He touched its petals gently with his hand.

“Alright, I’ll make a note about it and see if anyone knows what these are,” Nick said. “For now, let's move on.”

“Alright, Nick,” Sole agreed. And then they were on their way.

----

As curious as Nick was to what the flower was, it would have to take a backseat to the other cases he had at the moment. The one he was currently working on was about the disappearance of a young girl. Her family believed she had been kidnapped. He had exhausted everyone in Diamond City, so it was time to check out the other civilizations. He decided that Goodneighbor was as good a place as any, especially since Hancock always kept tabs on the people who came through his city. If she had been in Goodneighbor, Hancock would probably know. And even if he didn’t, Nick could always check out the other places that housed drifters. Like the Third Rail. He could grab a drink and be bad mouthed by Whitechapel Charlie. 

It probably said a lot about Nick that he was actually smiling at the thought. It had been a minute since he had gone to Goodneighbor.

He exited his office and looked up at the high sun. No time like the present, he supposed.

“I’m gonna head to Goodneighbor to see if Hancock has any information,” Nick called into his office. “Hold down the fort while I’m gone.”

“Will do, Nick!” Ellie called back.

Nick smiled and shut the door behind him.

----

The trip to Goodneighbor was a treacherous one. Thankfully, it was otherwise short, and Nick managed to get there in one piece. Minus some synthetic skin, and maybe a screw or two. He was still moving so he doubted they were that important.

The hardest part of the trip was always remembering where the goddamned entrance was. After a bit of searching, Nick finally found it and popped in.

“Mr. Valentine!”

Nick turned to see a member of the neighborhood watch approaching him.

“Hey there,” Nick greeted. 

“Anything I can do for you?” the ghoul asked.

“Just came to talk to Hancock,” Nick said. “I’m on a case.”

The ghoul nodded. “Alright. He should be up in the statehouse. Just pop in, I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

Nick’s coolant pump jumped at the thought, although he couldn’t place why. This wasn’t new information. Hancock never made it a secret that he liked when Nick visited.

No matter. Nick thanked the man, and then headed off to the statehouse.

He greeted other people as he went by. KL-E-0, other members of the neighborhood watch, and even a couple of friendly drifters he had come across before in his travels.

Then he made his way up to the statehouse. The guards outside the door nodded their heads to him, and then Nick entered. Hancock looked up as soon as he heard the door open, and he grinned wide when he saw who was there.

“Nicky!” he yelled. “What brings you here?”

“Got a case I’m trying to find leads on,” Nick said. “Exhausted everything I had in Diamond City and I figured I was due for a visit anyway.”

Somehow, Hancock managed to grin even wider. Something in Nick pinched.

“Well, I’ll answer any questions you got,” Hancock said. “And if you’re keen on a visit, we can grab a drink when we’re done.”

Nick smiled. “Sounds good.”

----

Their talk didn’t yield much, but it was enough for Nick to at least go somewhere next, and that was good enough for now. With that done, they went to the Third Rail. As soon as they were seated, Whitechapel Charlie was sliding their usuals in front of them.

“Thanks, Chuck,” Hancock said.

“No problem, Mayor Hancock,” Whitechapel Charlie.

“So he gets to call you Chuck and I can’t?” Nick asked with an amused curve in his lips.

“Take over a town and then we’ll talk,” Whitechapel Charlie replied.

Nick snorted. “Fair enough.”

Then Whitechapel Charlie floated off to speak to another customer. Hancock and Nick nursed their drinks for a few moments in silence, listening to Magnolia’s soft singing. 

Once Hancock had finished his first drink he said, “How ya been doing, Nicky?”

“Same as usual when you’re traveling around with Sole,” Nick said.

Hancock laughed. “Sounds about right.”

“We went around helping out the settlements the other day. Found some new cases to look into,” Nick explained. “Saw some weird plant life.”

“Really?” Hancock asked. “What was it?”

“No idea,” Nick said. “It was bright green though. Irradiated to hell.”

“Huh.” Whitechapel Charlie came by with another drink for Hancock, and Hancock lifted it in thanks for taking a drink. “Interesting find.”

Nick hummed in agreement. “How have you been?”

“Same as usual,” Hancock said. “Sole’s been a huge help though, cleaning up the town. Place is a little safer now.”

Nick smiled. “They sure have been a huge help.”

They continued to talk for a little while longer, and then they fell into another comfortable silence. Nick could tell Hancock was a bit buzzed now, and he began humming to Magnolia’s song. She was singing Baby It’s Just You. Nick allowed the lyrics to fade into the background as he took a long look at an oblivious Hancock.

He seemed so happy, such a change from when Nick had known him back before he was a ghoul, and was just fighting his family day in and day out in Diamond City. Hancock had changed a lot since then, but had never lost his intense need to help people. Everything he did was driven by that desire to see the Commonwealth grow into a better place. It was something Nick had always admired in the man, and it was amazing to have watched that grow even stronger over time.

And now, seeing him a bit giddy with alcohol, enjoying a quiet moment between the two of them. It made something in Nick warm.

And then something inside him twisted.

He grunted in pain, and Hancock immediately noticed.

“You alright, Nicky?” Hancock asked.

Nick nodded, relaxing when the pain subsided. “Probably just a pain sensor acting up again.”

Hancock still seemed concerned, but he just nodded. Nick felt another twist.

They both finished their drinks, and Nick headed out.

“Come visit again soon, Nick,” Hancock said. “And if you ever need help with your investigation, or anything, my door is always open.”

Nick smiled, and winced again when the twisting came back. His voice was strained as he said, “Thanks, Hancock.”

“And get that sensor checked, Nicky,” Hancock added. “I hate seeing you in pain, and I imagine it’s shitty for you, too.”

The twisting worsened. Nick nodded, and then went on his way.

----

A quick check of himself, his fingers gently feeling his sensors, told him that nothing was out of sorts. He assumed it had fixed itself on its own, and he went about his business.

As he did his work, looking over case files and trying to sort through information, he often found his mind drifting off towards his visit to Hancock. The ghoul had such a wild reputation, and for good reason. Nick had probably seen Hancock high, or drunk, or both more times than he saw him sober, and he could remember Sole telling him that the first time they had met Hancock, he had stabbed a man in front of them. Nick’s lack of reaction had told Sole exactly what they had wanted to know, which was, yes, Hancock was like that all the time.

But Hancock wasn’t a stranger to quiet moments, and the moments he occasionally shared with Nick often were. Even back when Hancock was just John and lived in Diamond City, just in his early 20s when he and Nick had met, and John would come to his office to bother him, Nick would have been lying if he said he had been an unwelcome presence. As boisterous as he could be, especially when it came to how Diamond City treated its nonhuman residents, Nick found that he was quieter when visiting Nick. Maybe he had wanted a respite. Nick couldn’t blame him.

And even now, years later, after all that had changed, Hancock was still quiet in Nick’s presence. Relaxed. Content.

Happy.

Something pinched again, this time in a different place.

He visited again, after solving the case. The young girl had been taken by a raider gang, and she had been so happy to see Nick when he arrived. Her parents thanked Nick profusely when he brought her back. He decided he should go to Goodneighbor and tell Hancock the good news. And besides, he told Hancock he’d visit again anyway.

So he went.

Hancock was excited to see him, and happy to know that the girl was safe. They went to the Third Rail again. It was later now, and the bar was busier. Nick and Hancock, even as they sat at the bar top, were drowned out by everyone around them; in a sea of people, they were alone.

“You know,” Hancock said, a couple of drinks deep. “I do wish you would visit more often.”

It had to be the alcohol. As over the top as Hancock was, true vulnerability was not something that came easily.

Something in Nick twisted again, and he clenched his teeth against the pain.

“Honestly?” Nick said, trying to keep his voice level. “Same.”

His voice was a little strained, but Hancock paid it no mind, and waved Whitechapel Charlie over for another round.

When Nick returned to his office, and thought about quiet moments, and a wish to be closer to Hancock again, his insides twisted in a way that nearly brought Nick to his knees.

----

It was worrying, to say the least. And it was obvious that Ellie could tell something was wrong, even if she didn’t say anything.

But when Nick coughed up coolant one day, Ellie finally spoke up.

“Go see Dr. Amari, Nick,” she said. “I know she works with brains, but she might be able to help.”

Nick sighed. Normally he would protest, but he knew she was right. If it was getting this bad, and only getting worse, then he should go. And so he went.

----

He explained his predicament to Dr. Amari, who removed one of his panels to take a look inside. “Oh dear.”

“‘Oh dear’, what?” Nick asked.

“Give me a moment.” Dr. Amari stood and retreated to a back room, returning with a mirror. She angled it so that Nick could see inside himself. And once he did, he couldn’t even fathom what he was looking at.

His wires, which were usually kept mostly neat through his own maintenance, had been twisted up in intricate knots. They were all still plugged in, but they were slick with the green coolant, and the knots were done up in strange shapes.

Honestly, they almost looked like flowers.

“What is this?” Nick asked.

Instead of answering him, Dr. Amari asked a question of her own. “Have you touched the Hanahaki plant recently?”

“The what?”

“The Hanahaki plant is a kind of flower that started appearing after the bombs dropped,” Dr. Amari explained. “They are large, highly irradiated roses.”

Nick’s eyes widened. “Oh… Then yeah. I have touched one.”

Dr. Amari nodded. “Then that is what is affecting you.”

“But-... I’m a synth,” Nick argued. “How is it doing this to me?”

“My guess is because the Hanahaki plant is one based around the emotions of the afflicted,” Dr. Amari said. “So it must care more about that than the person’s physical form.”

“What do you mean, ‘the emotions of the afflicted’?” Nick asked. “What does it do?”

“The Hanahaki plant affects those who are in love.”

Nick’s non-existent heart stopped.

“Usually, they make flowers grow in a person’s throat, and the afflicted coughs them up, along with a lot of blood, starting with petals before eventually becoming full flowers,” Dr. Amari continued. “My guess is that the plant found a way to affect you, regardless.”

Nick didn’t know what to say.

Finally he asked, “How do I get rid of it?”

“There are two ways,” Dr. Amari explained. “One way is to confess to the person you’re in love with. A reciprocation of feelings will cure it.”

Considering Nick didn’t even know who he was in love with, let alone actually want to confess to the person, that was out of the question.

“And option two?” he asked.

“A surgery to have the flowers removed. Or in your case, to have your wires put back into place,” Dr. Amari said. “The problem is, if you remove the flowers, you remove the feelings. You will have absolutely no feelings, good or bad, towards the object of your affections.”

Nick’s coolant ran cold.

“So… That’s it?” Nick asked. “I either confess and hope it works or… That’s it? I basically lose the person entirely?”

Dr. Amari nodded.

Nick didn’t even know who it was that was causing this to happen. He sighed.

“Can I have some time to think?” Nick asked.

Dr. Amari nodded again. “But I would suggest acting soon. Wait too long, and it will kill you.”

Well wasn’t that fantastic.

Dr. Amari popped his panel back into place, and Nick thanked her before he left. He figured he should head back to Diamond City to figure out what to do next.

He was so lost in his own head that he ran straight into someone.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t-” And then he paused, realizing who it was.

“Damn, Nicky. You alright?” Hancock asked with an amused smirk. “Haven’t seen you that spaced out in a long time.”

Nick opened his mouth to assure them that everything was ok, when suddenly, his wires began to twist again. He grabbed his side and groaned.

“Woah, are you ok?” Hancock asked, smile replaced with something far more concerned. Nick looked at him, looked at his soft, gentle, worried eyes and the curve of his frown. He let Hancock help him straighten up, felt the warmth of his hands through his trench coat. He let himself be cared about for a moment, by a friend he had had for a long time.

And his insides twisted again. Nick would have cried if he could. Looking back on it, it should have been obvious

He was in love with Hancock.

----

Hancock convinced Nick to stay, saying he was in no shape to be travelling if Nick was hurt. Nick was powerless to resist, gripped by the newfound realization that he was in love with the man showing immense concern and care for him.

So Nick was in the statehouse, seated on the couch. His chest rose and fell with artificial breaths, still coughing up coolant. Having Hancock dote on him was making this so much harder to deal with.

“I didn’t even know synths could get sick,” Hancock said. He was trying to smile, trying to make his tone light, but was failing. It was too sad, too concerned. It felt like someone was reaching inside of Nick and pulling.

He groaned, loud and long, and then said, “Neither did I.”

Hancock fell silent after that. Then he said, “I’ll leave you be for now. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nick nodded, and Hancock left. As soon as he was gone, Nick laid curled up on the couch, clenching against the pain in his torso as the wires twisted further and further. He coughed more coolant into his palm.

There was no way Hancock would love him back. Not like that. Hancock was a man who liked to tour around; the idea of Hancock settling down with anyone seemed ridiculous to Nick. And the idea of him settling down with Nick of all people was preposterous. Hancock was high-spirited and wild. He would probably find Nick far too quiet and boring. Honestly, if anyone would manage to get Hancock to settle down, it would probably be Sole. A lot of the people they travelled with seemed enamored with them, and Hancock was probably no exception.

The thought made Nick’s insides twist even more. But it wasn’t the Hanahaki that caused it.

Honestly, Sole deserved someone like Hancock far more than Nick did. 

Which left option two; getting his wiring fixed, and losing Hancock entirely. Nick couldn’t bear the thought. Whenever he thought of his life, as long as it would be, he always imagined that he had at least one friend who would still be there with him, at the end of time. Even if Hancock never loved him like that, Nick couldn’t stand the idea of losing him completely.

He supposed, in the end, it would have to kill him.

Nick got up, straightened himself out, and left the statehouse. If he was going to die, he would die doing what he always did. Bringing people home.

----

A week went by. And then another. Nick got progressively worse, until he could barely leave his office.

“What’s going on, Nick?” Ellie asked. “Didn’t you go see Dr. Amari?”

Nick nodded. He should tell her the truth. She deserved to know.

But he couldn’t bear to do that to her.

“I’ll be alright, Ellie,” he said. “I just have to make a decision.”

“Well…” Ellie sighed. “At least try to make it faster.”

And that was the end of that conversation.

Eventually, the day came where Nick was sure it was going to be too much, and that it was about to kill him.

“Hey, Ellie,” he said. “Why don’t you go home for the day?”

Ellie looked over at him, confused, and deeply worried. “Are you sure? My shift isn’t over.”

Nick nodded. She would be the one stuck finding him tomorrow. He couldn’t bear the idea of dying in front of her, too.

“With me not being able to do much, you’ve been doing enough work for both of us,” Nick said. “There isn’t too much going on. Take the rest of the day off.”

Ellie looked like she wanted to protest. But the sun was going down, and she finally sighed. “Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nick nodded. “Good night, Ellie.”

She paused, far longer than she normally would, and then she left. Nick sat in his chair, silent. He didn’t know for how long.

Then the door opened. Nick’s head whipped up.

“Hancock?” Nick said. “Why are you-”

“Where have you been, Nick?” Hancock asked. His voice was quiet, and shaking. 

“What do you mean?” Nick asked. He coughed, long and hard, coolant getting all over his hand and desk.

“I mean, the last conversation we had before you got like this was about how we both wished you visited more,” Hancock said. “Then I see you leave the Memory Den, like this, and then I don’t see you for weeks. I thought you were dead.”

Nick stared at Hancock, at his unrelenting care and concern. It felt like his wiring would be yanked right out, or worse, would really turn into flowers, sprout out of him and keep growing, and he would lay there, shut down for good, something artificial becoming a home for something organic.

What better metaphor could there be for a synth in love with a living, breathing person?

He had to turn away.

“What’s going on, Nick?” Hancock asked.

Nick said nothing. What could he possibly say?

“Nick.”

There was something in Hancock’s voice that pulled him back.

“What?” Nick asked.

“Why were you in Goodneighbor that day?” Hancock asked.

For a brief moment, Nick thought about lying, but the thought died as soon as it was conceived. He could never lie to Hancock, especially not about this.

“I went to see Dr. Amari,” he said.

“Why?” Hancock asked.

Nick paused. “You shouldn’t ask.”

“Why not?”

“Because you won’t like the answer.”

Hancock flinched at the intensity in Nick’s voice.

But he said, “Tell me anyway.”

Nick wanted to protest. To tell him to leave because it would be easier that way because he wouldn’t have to watch himself inadvertently kill Nick through no fault of his own and with no knowledge that it was happening.

But he finally said, “I have Hanahaki.”

“W-... What?” Hancock asked. “What’s Hanahaki?”

“It’s… That plant I saw. The irradiated one,” Nick said. “It’s called a Hanahaki plant. It gave me an illness.”

“But how?” Hancock asked. “You’re a synth.”

Nick said nothing. He wasn’t sure he could handle telling him the whole truth, bearing himself that much to the person he loved.

But if that was the case, maybe Hancock deserved to know, at least this much.

“It affects people who have fallen in love,” he finally said, turning to look at Hancock. His eyes were wide, jaw dropped. Nick continued, “Usually, it makes flowers grow in people’s throats, and they cough them up. But instead, I’ve been coughing up coolant, while my wires twist into flowers.”

Hancock was about as concerned as Nick had expected, but there wasn’t something else in his gaze. Something he couldn’t place.

“How… How do you fix it?” Hancock asked.

“Well, I either tell them, and if they reciprocate, it goes away,” Nick said. “Or I have the wires fixed.”

“Why not have the wires fixed?” Hancock asked.

“Because then I would lose everything I feel for the person, and I’d feel nothing instead,” Nick said. “I’d just feel… Numbness. I… I can’t handle that.”

“And if you do nothing?” Hancock asked.

“I think you already know the answer,” Nick said.

Silence followed.

Then, softly, almost scared. “Why not tell them then?”

“I can’t,” Nick said immediately. “I already know they would never love me.”

“How could you know that?” Hancock asked, voice rising. “You can’t know that.”

“I can, and I do,” Nick said.

“No, you can’t!” Hancock argued. “How could you know how another person feels without even trying?”

“Drop it, Hancock,” Nick said. He clenched his teeth against the tightening of his insides.

“What makes you think they couldn’t love you?”

“Because who in their right mind would ever fall in love with some busted up, broken down synth?” Nick finally snapped. 

Hancock flinched back. They both just stared at each other for a while, Nick tired, and angry, and resigned, and Hancock shocked.

Finally, Hancock said, “I would.”

Nick froze, face morphing into his own look of shock. “What?”

“I… Fell for you a long time ago, Nick,” Hancock said. “And maybe it’s horribly selfish of me to tell you that when you’re dying because you’re in love with someone else. Probably someone who deserves you way more than I ever could. But… Please don’t doubt that you can be loved. Anyone would be lucky to have you love them.”

Nick didn’t know what to say. He knew what he should say.

But instead he asked, “Why tell me?”

Hancock smiled at him. “I would rather you alive, hopefully still my friend, and happy with someone else, than dead.”

Nick couldn’t fathom it. There was nothing he could ever do to deserve this man, who snuck into Diamond City in the dead of night to see him because he was worried, and who stood here now, telling him he loved him, no idea that it would save Nick’s life, just wanting him to know and hopefully feel buoyed by it.

Nick didn’t think he could ever do anything to deserve this man, but he was going to spend all of eternity fucking trying.

“Well, lucky for you, there is no one else,” he said.

Hancock’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I love you, Hancock,” Nick said. 

Hancock looked shocked, and then his eyes grew shiny and wet, and he went to Nick, holding him close. Nick hugged him back, as tight as he could.

“I love you, too,” Hancock said, his voice shaky with unshed tears.

And all the pain Nick had been in fell away. His wires loosened and untwisted, and he felt euphoria in their realignment.

And in the quiet of Nick’s office, Hancock kissed him, and the whole world aligned, too.