Chapter Text
Conner grabbed Damian’s arm as they fell. Damian didn't fight him off. It wasn't like Kon expected him to, but he still felt relief.
Conner resisted the unrelenting pull of gravity as they plummeted downwards.
The ground creaked beneath them. Conner’s knees burned from the impact. He bit back a hiss.
They stood together for a moment in the darkness, uninterrupted by silence. Damian pulled his arm from Conner’s grasp.
Pit-pat.
Kon’s eyes narrowed.
Pit-pat pit-pat pit-pat —
“What is that sound?” He focused on the layers of black that surrounded them.
“I can't hear anything.” Damian said.
The darkness receded from the dim room. Walls lined with bookshelves rose to meet a domed ceiling charted with astral constellations. The sound Conner heard before was rain tapping on the long-paned windows. It harmonized with a serenading song that whispered from a vinyl record.
It was like an ambiance video of a fancy gothic library. Very Raven-esque. Kon bit back a smile.
“It’s the House of Mystery,” said Damian as he looked around. “Constantine’s residence.”
“So what’s it mean? What’s this place supposed to be…?” Conner wondered. Certain details drew him in. The rain, the books, a teapot softly steaming in the corner. Conner could smell the lavender mint from where he stood.
Conner and Damian shared a look. The answer was obvious. “Raven’s happy place.”
They explored the spacious, never-ending library. Tapestries and fairy lights weaved themselves above their heads, intertwining the shelves. It was definitely a chill vibe. Maybe they could lure an emoticlone to them with a cup of tea and Tallyhall?
“—TT—” Damian hissed under his breath.
Conner followed his gaze. Damian inspected the spines of the books. His gloved hand traced the gold letters.
“Dude, what is it?”
“It’s her memories,” he said quietly.
Conner’s jaw dropped. He turned to the nearest shelf. Sure enough, the titles were not at all book-like. First Birthday at Titans Tower, Fish and Chips with John, In the Kitchen with Conner—
The world stopped when Conner read his name. He pulled out the book by instinct. A gasp escaped his mouth.
The words he expected to be sprawled across the page were gone. A drawing sketched itself across the parchment in its place, color blossoming between the lines. Conner remembered this moment. He had walked in on Raven scaling the cabinets for Nutella. She made snacks for both of them and they watched his soon-to-be favorite movie, Career Opportunities. Kon bit down as he visualized the smile made out of pretzel sticks staring up at him. It was one of the most thoughtful things anyone had ever done for him.
The book snapped shut. Damian’s face now occupied the empty space. “It’s rude to snoop through her memories.”
Conner bit back a snarky remark. Damian was still using that tone. Conner knew he deserved it. It’s my fault we’re all here in the first place. I didn't protect her from the Fear Toxin…I should have done more. I —
A memory from months ago flashed across his mind. The day of Damian’s departure. The promise he held Conner to.
‘Keep Raven safe if it costs you your life. Support her. Be her friend. She needs one.’
Conner had done as Damian asked, mostly because he wanted to instead of some promise. Raven was easy to be around. To say he liked her was an understatement.
With super senses, everyone was loud, obnoxious, simple. Raven wasn't. She was quiet. It took a careful eye and an ear for heartbeats to figure her out. Like a puzzle. Her eyebrow furrowed when she was mad, her stare was cold and distant when she was sad…
Conner returned the closed memory to its rightful place. “Half of them are probably of me, anyway…”
I wish they were.
Damian looked away a little too fast. Conner’s eyes watched him as his ever-rigid posture became even more still as he strode forward. Kon’s theory was right on, maybe more than he thought…
“We should search for Raven’s emoticlones. She said they were in distress. It’s our top priority to save them.” Damian said.
Kon nodded. “Right on.”
Damian led the way through the ever-winding labyrinth of books. Kon couldn't resist glancing over at the titles of memories as he followed. It was hard to imagine having years worth of memories. Conner only had a few months worth. Admittedly, most of his were probably of Raven.
Cooking with Damian, Painting with Damian, Getting Matched Stuffed Animals with Damian —
“You’re pretty popular in here,” said Kon.
Damian’s shoulders hunched ever so slightly. He didn't acknowledge the comment. “If this is Raven’s happy place, it’s most likely that we’ll find the impersonation of her happiness nearby…”
“She’s cute when she smiles.”
I wish all of those smiles were for me.
Damian shot him a hard glare. “If you could not treat Raven and every other female like a piece of meat —”
“Chillax, man. If we freak out, she freaks out.” Kon reminded him.
Conner hoped the hole of guilt in his chest was pushed down far enough to where Raven couldn't feel it. She was already suffering enough because of him. The best way to repress emotions were distractions.
“Raven’s not a piece of meat…she’s more like a dessert.” Conner said in a thoughtful tone. “Maybe tiramisu, with all the layers? Something chocolate-y —?”
Conner’s eyes fell upon another memory label. He stopped in his tracks.
“Red velvet seems more accurate,” Damian admitted. He paused when he didn't hear Conner’s footsteps behind him. Damian turned, “We don't have time to —”
“What’s this?” Conner stabbed a finger at the memory.
“I already told you, Raven’s memories are private. It’s none of our business.”
Conner didn't move. The words made black spots splutter across his vision. Someone had punched him in the chest, ripping out his insides.
“Conner —”
“You kissed her?”
Conner finally tore his gaze from the memory. First Kiss with Damian.
For the first time since they’d left the room with Raven’s unconscious body behind, a glitch of emotion ripped across Damian’s stoic features.
Damian said nothing. That answered everything. Conner nodded. His jaw was stiff. “Called it. You’re hot for her. Well, you’ll be happy to know that the feeling is mutual. She’s pretty crazy about you, too.”
The memory of Raven walking on air with him, holding his hands —
Conner shoved his hands into his pockets. At the time, he did it because he thought she’d like it. It would make her happy. She deserved to be happy.
All she did was talk about him.
“How nice of you. Promising your best friend to watch your girlfriend for you when you leave,” Against rationality, Conner let the sarcasm sink in. "Why did you leave her in the first place? Time apart makes the heart grow fonder, I guess.”
Damian’s jaw unclenched when he spoke, “Batman needed my expertise for a recon mission —”
“The real reason!”
Damian’s eyes met his. They were the faded green of a wilting plant, sick with rot. “I was giving her an out. Emotions are difficult for her. I wanted her to make a decision without my feelings getting in the way of what she wanted. If she regretted it…”
Damian’s face was tight with pain. He shook his head. “I thought of her every day…you have no idea what a relief it was, to know someone as…kind as you was there for her. I’m grateful that you supported her. That is not a lie.”
To meet Damian’s gaze was a burning blaze. Yet it dimmed, and there was an agony that they each recognized there.
“But you failed her in the end.” said Damian. His fists tightened.
“Yeah.” Conner laughed, but he winced at the sound. “That’s nothing compared to when you left, abandoning her. You failed her.”
A trickle of dust from the ceiling fell between them. Conner was suddenly aware of the changes in their surroundings. Books had been ripped off the shelves during their argument. Cracks stretched across the glass like spider webs. Tear droplets slipped through.
Conner sighed. “And now we’re the awful losers putting her through this.”
Damian turned his back on Conner to pick up a book nearby. He spared one last look at him, “I cannot say what she feels…but I care about her. Deeply.”
Conner didn't look away. “So do I.”
The bookshelves along the wall creaked. Probably from the stress of their argument The spines shuddered.
The shelves parted. A hand snatched Damian’s arm.
“Dude —!”
Damian yelled as he was pulled into the wall. It closed shut.
Conner pounded on the shelves. Books went flying. Some of the memories lay face up, dialogue murmuring.
“Damian —! Dammit! Give him back —!”
“He’s in good hands…I think.”
Conner spun. Raven was leaning on the bookshelf right next to him. She was smiling. The expression always threw him off guard.
Woah…pretty…wait —
“Uh,” Conner’s eyes flew to the gem on Raven’s forehead. It was pink. “You’re…Happy, right?”
“I’m always happy to see you,” Raven beamed. She wore a black shirt with the caption, BLACK IS MY HAPPY COLOR. Her toes wriggled in purple fluffy socks.
Silence stretched between them. To see her right after Damian…knowing they kissed —
It was awkward.
Conner averted his eyes. He suddenly found his shoes very interesting. Raven leaned down to keep his gaze. “Just so you know…I knew about it already.”
“Knew what?”
“That you had feelings for me,” she said.
Conner hated the heat that rushed to his face. Raven didn't seem the least bit phased. “I’m an empath. That’s kind of something hard to hide…but I do have more trouble with what people feel towards me. Sometimes my feelings towards them mix and it gets…complicated.”
Conner nodded along. He missed some of her words in the haze of embarrassment. He swallowed, “And…how do you feel about me?”
Raven shrugged. “You make me happy.”
“And?” Conner finally worked up the guts to look her in the eye. The pale violet always astonished him. “You can't just feel only that for me.”
“Why not?”
“Look at us! We spent time together! You held my hand! That couldn't mean nothing to you.” Conner suddenly wished he was in the presence of a different emoticlone. Passion or love, maybe. There would be way less beating around the bush.
Kon took a step closer. His hands were on her shoulders. “It would be so easy for us, Ray. You can't hurt me: I’m a lot less breakable than the others —”
“Physically, you mean.”
Conner nodded. Raven’s smile dipped at the corners. “That’s not…the only threat, Kon. What about mentally? Emotionally? Look at where we are, Conner. I don't know if you’ve figured it out yet, but I have baggage.”
Thunder rumbled outside. The tear droplets that fell from the cracked windows dripped into a small puddle on the floor.
“You’re right, Conner. You’re strong. You make me smile. You make me happy…but I don't know if I can offer you the same thing. Not all the time. I’m not a walk through daisies, I’m…so much more than that.” Raven’s smile returned, but it was a sad smile. One that crumpled Conner’s heart. “I’m not like this all the time. Happy.”
Kon’s clasped her shoulders tighter. “What if I could take it?”
“Kon —”
“You’re right. Nobody’s happy all the time.” Conner’s voice was hoarse. “But I wanna try. I want to make you smile every day. I want to make you happy. And I could do so much more, be so much more for you, Ray —”
Raven started to dissipate into small, white flecks. Conner’s eyes widened in alarm as the matter of her shoulders gave way. Her smile lingered. “Let’s just stick with being happy for now.”
Her form dissolved into a thousand white lights that fluttered up, stars flocking to a night sky.