Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A vessel shifts uneasily on the open waters. The spread masts pick up on the subtle breeze that accompanies a slow morning. The sun has barely risen, underlying the brisk chill with little warmth. Yet despite the slow rocking, that creates a weak buoying shadow on the still dark waves, the continuous tapping refuses to let up.

A nail against the bronzing frame, the view reflecting nothing but slowly lighting sky and unseeable waters. Still, looking down into nothing seems preferable to forcibly noticing every nauseating creak that can’t help but convey that it’s the only thing separating the waters from swallowing up another meal into its suffocating depths. And yet, the ship lurches on.

Along the railing of chipping paint, the nail chimes along with the ebbing flow of the deck. The rough red jagged edges, below which is pinkening flesh, are still something to get used to. The once promised safety net of regeneration is a forgotten nightmare. Yet another unexpected consequence. Once there was no underlying threat to these nails. Regardless of their wear and tear, it was never permanent. And even if they were to be mangled, it’s not as if death would frown at another casualty.

Nonetheless, like so many other things, it reminds her of how much is different now. The floorboards creak beneath her issued boots and despite her hatred of the swirling shadows, anything is preferable to what’s underneath. In fact, if she strains her ears she can hear the nervous clamor of irritable voices. But why would she do that? It detracts from the whole reason she chose to find company out here, with such an unyielding and lonely force.

The sea promises nothing but separation and loss, she can’t help but lament. With every voyage, the only constants are farewells and uncertainties.

Pulling a hand through her tangling locks, she almost misses the usual updo. She came out here to relax. Yet her body seems to creak along with the ship: remembering its rigid shape that protests against such uncertainty. Even here on this stupid and ugly ship, she can’t help but listen for the sickening noises and question with each lurch whether danger will soon embrace her once more.

At least she’s not downstairs listening to all of them yammer on.

She tugs her uniform tighter, the thin fabric of the forest green offers little warmth. That’s one similarity she can count on; something that’s never changed. Another job, another uniform. However, she can’t help but still cling to wearing one. You’d think she’d be sick of them by now. But between Armin’s speeches, Connie’s one-liners, and Reiner’s tears there’s only so much she can take.

Besides, the familiarity they steadily approach only offers change. Arriving at Paradis now promises stark contrasts and acts as a reminder of what’s been lost. Yet those dumb kids, adults now she corrects herself, can’t help but get excited.

The small smile drops from her lips as she hears the faint trace of footsteps and she braces herself for the possible encounter.

At least in this sense, such reflexive tendencies are still beneficial as the protesting swing of a door is heard against the rocking waves.

“Annie”, he calls.

God, did it have to be him? Every one of these conversations and she can’t help but regret initially leaving Hitch in some way. Why did she have to choose him, she pointlessly wonders. But damn if those years didn’t wear her down.

She turns to the timid boy. Timid might not be the right word. Tepid peace and turgid politics seem to suit his frame more. His posture holds less of that uncertainty, fear of death, and guilt. Yet between them...that seems to be one uncertainty that still unnerves him. She watches his snailing approach and offers no support.

“We’re getting close now”, a master of words and appeasement, yet he appears laconic.

“Alright, I’ll come down in a second” she hesitates before adding “I still don’t love this”.

Armin weakly smiles, “I know”.

She hears the clanging of metal on metal and turns back out for one last moment to collect herself. She could be nicer to him, alleviate some of that helpless churning as he navigates for some rock to cling on to. Then again, why provide a rock without any foreseeable land. No reason to provide the false hope of survival, of chance. She sighs and turns towards where Armin retreated. Regardless of the apprehension she's repeatedly expressed, Annie finds herself a little excited as well.

It’ll be nice to see her again.

As she descends to the lower deck, the pings of her worn black boots ring out her arrival; the barely still attached aglets chime a more offbeat tempo, clanging against the metal stairs. Some of the heads turn to her. Seeing them fidgeting with their appearances inspires her to run one last tug through the discombobulated blond locks that had earlier been so neatly brushed.

“You ready?” Pieck’s soft and melodious voice sounds out from her seat at the table. Her hands attempt to organize the mass on maps and papers. Despite not being as naturally talented as Armin in these things, her dedication to the Alliance’s cause is often heartwarming. Now it causes Annie to avert her eyes.

Annie instead turns to the wall of similar bags, grunting in answer. The disordered wall thematically fits in with the rest of the room’s chaos. She finds her specific sack, less jammed full than the rest, and reaches to unhook the hanging bag. Annie slings it over her shoulder, blending in with her long overcoat. It seems no matter where she goes, the darker shades of green always cling to her.

She hears the scraping of wooden chairs as the rest of the crew stands and gets ready to dock. Beginning to tune in their conversations, Annie hears the ongoing back forth between Jean, Connie, and occasionally Reinner.

“Well, I for one hope they won’t arrest us on sight”, Jean claims as he rests his palms on the messy table and stands up.

Reiner appears most nervous as he shuffles his feet while pushing in his chair, asking “Do you really think anyone will be waiting for us at the harbor?”

”They do know we’re coming and that is what Historia wrote in her letter”, Connie reminds them offhandedly.

“Can’t imagine they’re just going to let a bunch of war criminals loose around the island” Jean retorts.

Reiner furrows his eyebrows, suddenly defensive Annie imagines, it’s not as if she’s closely known him for many years.

“But we can’t even turn into titans, how much damage can a few traumatized veterans even cause?”

“Famous last words”, Jean scoffs.

He gives the rectangular mirror on the wall one final look as he elaborates, “I doubt they’ll believe all Allied Nation Representatives are actually unarmed.”

The three begin walking towards their bags before heading to the stairs. They overstep the cabin’s clutter, narrowly avoiding stacks of papers and other navigating trinkets that didn’t make it to the central table they had been sitting at. Armin chimes in as he files in behind the trio, “I think it’ll be ok guys. We did after all technically stop the Rumbling, and like Connie said earlier, let’s trust in Historia” he pauses to smile, lacing his fingers together in front, “besides Mikasa is definitely waiting for us as well; she promised in our last letter”.

Annie ignores the sudden rush in her chest as her breath hitches, instead, she focuses her thoughts once more on the events of that day. Again she questions to what degree they actually played a positive role in stopping the Rumbling. It sometimes feels like they were allowed to stop Eren more than actually end anything or save anyone. And that’s looking past all their previous actions, most of which lead up to the event in question.

“I sure hope they see it that way”, Pieck states–reflecting Annie’s doubts and remarks from earlier that morning regarding all their past deeds–“I find that the distinction between villain and hero is as fickle as the shoreline. One day we’re martyrs and the next mass murders. But, unfortunately for us, one’s not as easy for making peace negotiations”. Her sweetly lilting tone doesn’t voice anything the rest haven’t experienced firsthand.

As the six make their way to the deck, Annie can’t help but have her thoughts shift towards the island’s denizens. In particular those two.

At least towards Hitch, she knows what she feels. The ever-present guilt is definitely not a feeling Annie particularly enjoys but it beats the whole swirl she refuses to address when it comes to Mikasa. This is most likely not the ideal situation, especially as Annie’s pretty sure she’s about to come in contact with her and is absolutely unprepared.

Throughout the past three years, after the whole thing with the Rumbling went down, she would have liked to say her life was peaceful for once. No worries of alliances, betrayals, death, or fighting. But in reality, Eren’s death left no shortage of a mess.

The unrest coupled with the collective mourning of people on every side was felt by Annie even through her reconnection with her father. It especially found its foothold in the guilt that lay in waiting for her. Even with all her ‘resting’ in the crystal, she’d never really had a moment to pause and breathe. Yet, the second she had, all that guilt poured in. It’s not like she had much in Marley other than her father anyway, and thus she barely considered the country back then and now a home. Besides there was the fact that there was scarcely anything left of it anyway.

Furthermore, she found that she’d never put much thought into what came after if she’d ever succeeded in seeing her father again. The complex and confusing nature of their relationship definitely didn’t feel like a home and made her feel even more unsettled. Perhaps it was this guilt, and no real home to return to that made her say yes to Armin’s proposal.

When Armin first asked Annie to join the alliance it was still a half-baked idea that had sprung about in the wake of confusion that lay in whatever the Rumbling failed to crush. Initially, Annie gave the proposal a lot of thought. But between her guilt, lack of belonging, and still present gratitude towards Armin–it didn’t seem like the decision needed much deliberation.

From there the next three years had been a constant nightmare with few actual rewarding moments that made her feel like everything they’d been doing wasn’t for nothing. But Armin was right; they just needed time. Especially with this recent expedition, to make peace with the infamous island of devils, it was hard to brush off the alliance’s growing importance and accomplishments.

If anything, the constant work that came with being a representative was probably a relief. Annie had never imagined she’d be living that long of life. And so between her father’s initial parting words and Eren’s removal of the curse, she found herself in a position she’d never imagined. And while the aftermath of the Rumbling had been the primary concern for the Allied Nations’ Representatives, and thus a not such a strong form of escapism, it kept Annie away from the cursed island–and most importantly away from her.

At least with Hitch, she received the chance to apologize, thank, and say goodbye–albeit in a half-assed way. But with her...she hadn’t seen her since that day. It’s not that she had no ways of reaching Mikasa, after all, she and Armin kept in contact through letters the past few years. It’s more like she took the path of least resistance, as she always has, and simply fled. And now as the ship allows them to begin to make out faces along the shoreline, she fights with herself and the need to seek her out.

Standing out on the deck lined up with the other five and blocking the sun from her eyes, she initially spots a group of people, one of which stands a little pronounced from the rest.

Historia stands reminiscent of her current position, hands clasped in front of her and poised posture. Even without being able to make out Historia’s expression, Annie is sure it stands as poignant and stern as ever. The fact that she’s dressed in a staunch military uniform does not detract any part from her regality and if Annie stares at her long enough, she can imagine the crown she’s seen her in before. The uniform also conveys an underlying message that’s not lost on Annie’s well-trained eyes.

Living as a spy for so many years sharpened her ability to spot the most subtle nuances, something that would usually aid in saving her from rather unfortunate situations when she had been scouring the underground for information. Essentially Historia had shown, without having spoken a single word, that she allies herself with the current militant excitement brewing in Paradis. The real question is who the message is for; her old allies or the current fanatics cautiously watching her reunite with said allies. Needless to say, Annie does not find it reassuring.

The group of tense military higher-ups, some of which she thinks she recognizes, could explain why she has yet to spot her. While Armin has explained that they’ve somewhat reconciled with Mikasa’s existence there. From what Annie has gathered it’s more of a tentative and tense situation where the remaining Jaegerists are aware that she’s around, want her gone, but are careful to make any moves under Historia’s watchful eyes. After all, Annie does remember the two women getting closer throughout the years. She assumes it’s the island Eldians’ previous familiarity with monarchs that both keeps Historia on her throne and gives her the power to still subtly protect her old friend and prevent the matter from being further discussed.

As she’s reminded of this Annie looks further down the harbor, past the gathered officials. It’s only now that she finally spots her. Oh. It appears Armin had been telling the truth about her attendance.

There, past the initial group standing on the wooden dock, stands Mikasa.

Chapter Text

This time Annie can’t fight the inhale of breath and the rush inside of her. It’s been so long since she last saw her. The ship anchors and only at a nudge from Pieck does she finally tear her eyes away.

Her hair’s longer, Annie finds herself thinking as she dazedly follows the rest down the wooden beam towards the dock. She also can’t remember the last time she saw her out of the usual maneuver gear.

Her gaze only lasts a few seconds and yet Annie feels this impacted. She attributes this to a symptom of them being fellow soldiers, uniquely part of the 104th, and closely linked to Annie’s emotions about her role as a Warrior behind the Walls.

Annie ignores the nagging thought that her complicated feelings towards Armin, let alone Hitch, hold none of the same intensity. But then again she’s put off thinking about her for years; she shouldn’t be this shaken by a surprising reaction. How can Annie know what she feels about Mikasa if she allows distance to act as an excuse for not previously examining her emotions?

This rationale puts her somewhat at ease, deciding to additionally ignore the voice that questions why she uniquely decided to not think of Mikasa, as she held none of these reservations about Hitch or even Historia. She wants to argue that things weren’t left as inconclusive with Hitch, despite its one-sided nature, and Historia she hadn’t seen for years or fought a war-ending battle that the fate of the world rested on with. But Annie feels that with this concrete evidence, it won’t be as simple to trick herself and instead decides to do what she does best and bury these conflicting thoughts.

Mikasa was just a person who I somewhat saw myself in, fought with and against, felt guilt towards as a Warrior, Eldian, and person, and tried uniquely not to think about–Annie thinks to herself. Her feelings towards this are just a little complicated and unpleasant, that's all. No reason to remember that conversation with Eren. Really it’s all quite simple, the whole thing with Mikasa is just a result of having so many complex emotions that any person would have towards her having been in Annie’s position. And this internal monologue alone proves why it makes perfect sense that she’s avoided thinking about her for years. Reaching a satisfying conclusion, Annie looks up, finding that the Representatives now stand eye to eye with their greeters on the otherwise empty dock.

Annie remembers Connie animatedly telling her about Eldia opening itself up to the rest of the world and she wonders whether this harbor that had initially been constructed for death and defense is now instead usually bustling with livelihood and human connection. Or have the Jaegerists spoiled this possibility too, Annie wonders. Regardless, the dock is currently empty of all life, which she imagines is probably a precaution against them. While Historia and Armin exchange pleasantries with some support from Reiner and Connie, Annie finds her gaze once more titling up to the small grassy hill some meters away. She can make her figure out more clearly now and wonders if the officials are ignorant of Mikasa’s presence or ignore her out of a probable mixture of fear towards both Mikasa and Historia. As Annie looks back towards the group, she notices Jean has spotted her too. A frown tugs at her face as she turns her head back. She wonders if he too had been able to recognize her from the ship.

Yet the sight of her knocks these thoughts away as Annie takes in the soft clothes that ruffle in the light breeze. From this distance, she’s still unable to make out her face. The now higher sun makes Annie bring a hand to shield her eyes as she distinctly wonders if that scar is still visible under her eye. She hadn’t had that much time to notice it after she unfroze, but she always wanted to know the story behind it and had not wanted to ask Armin about it. At first, she wondered if it had been there all along but quickly changed her mind, distinctly remembering her face without it. She chalks up this ability, remembering her face in such detail, to be due to sizing up a possible enemy.

She’s once more jostled out of her intense gaze by the movement of the officials and Annie realizes that the chatter she had been tuning out has all but ceased. Seeing the tensing of her brows together in confusion, Pieck chuckles and leans over to whisper in her ear. “Armin has got them to give us a day to rest before any of the peace talks starts up. We’ll take the trains into the cities but they’re going to stop for us in Shiganshima.” Annie nods; none of this information is relatively new to her, as Armin had roughly detailed their plan before they docked. Essentially, the idea was to go visit Mikasa and pay their respects, that way it wouldn’t rest over their minds while trying to negotiate.

Historia follows closely behind the turning officials. Reiner confusedly asks, once she’s out of earshot, “Is she not going to come with us? It’s a 104th reunion, surely she won’t skip this. She hasn’t seen us in so long!”

“I’m sure she’d come if she could, but her responsibilities come first. It’s how she’s even able to organize this for us”, Armin answers with a sad smile, “Now come on let’s go say hi to Mikasa, she’s been patiently waiting.”

The six of them begin following the Representatives but make a slight detour towards the hill Mikasa is standing on. As they near, Armin breaks out in a smile, and the two wave to each other. Annie feels her nerves grow and she ducks her head, content to watch her meet march on. Armin, Connie, and Jean increase their pace and greet Mikasa with tearful hugs. She knows with all the tensions, this is the first chance the four have had to reunite after the war. Sensing the intimate moment she hangs back with Pieck and Reiner. She and Pieck standstill waiting, but Reiner is as restless as he was to greet Historia. Perhaps more so now. He was always much more open-minded to guilt than Annie was and now suffers a more apparent burden.

After a few minutes pass, Mikasa waves the three of them over, seemingly ready to start walking towards the train station. The officials, now absent from sight, have already boarded and await them. With the more emotional greetings out of the way, Mikasa turns to ask them, as they walk, how the trip was. She and Pieck begin exchanging pleasant small talk, and Annie struggles to regulate her breath. All this time...and here she is. It feels surreal. Annie makes sure to school her emotions and tries to listen to what the two women discuss. She hopes that as she’s not known for her conversational prowess, her silence won’t strike anyone as odd. To aid in neutralizing her nerves, she gives up on listening to observe the island. Like the rest of the world, the effect of the Rumbling is still visible. Despite having suffered the probable least in casualties, the landscape remains somewhat downtrodden from the feet of the Colossal Titans. The vegetation has begun to grow back but its scars are still present.

Having now arrived at the station, the Representatives and Mikasa board a train cart that is a few behind the one they’d seen the officials step into. Annie allows her eyes to quickly take in their carts interior and spots the main few four-seater booths. She picks a window seat in the last booth of the cart and slides her bag to rest by her feet. She’s not surprised when Armin sits across from her. However, Annie is surprised when Mikasa slips into the seat next to her. “Mikasa, why don’t you sit with me? I’d love for you to point out the scenery as we pass. I haven’t been here in so long I need a tour guide.”Annie all but feels Mikasa’s exasperation as the rest chuckle at Jean’s question.

“If my memory serves me correctly, you not only grew on this island but even worked tirelessly on this very railroad. Given your workmanship, I imagine you spent some time observing your surroundings. In fact, Annie has probably seen the outskirts of Paradis the least, I’ll sit with her.” Annie hides a smile at her response and Jean’s yelp of protest. Connie’s barking laugh can be heard as he slings an arm around Jean’s shoulders and beckons him to the other booth. Pieck slides in across the two with Reiner.

Being so close to Mikasa, Annie tries not to notice her familiar scent. Especially now without the constant strain of war, she smells even fresher. Their thighs brush and Annie prays for the train to start moving. She would have imagined she and Armin would have wanted to speak alone, but the two don’t seem to mind her presence as they begin conversing.

A chiming can be heard as the train begins to finally move and the scenery starts to slightly blur. Annie props an elbow on the train’s window sill and rests her cheek upon the back of her hand.

“What do you guys want to do first? Are you hungry or do you want to visit Eren now?” Mikasa inquires as she turns her head to look between Annie and Armin. She says it like he’s still alive, Annie can’t help but notice. She already held apprehension towards the emotions she won’t be able to escape today, and that was only considering her own. As close as she’s become with the other Eldian Representatives at the Alliance, it’s not like Annie’s suddenly gotten better at reading emotions. And even while she might be better at understanding them, and reading people in general, Eren is such a complex topic for all of them. He represents such a strong connection to all of their pasts and memories from them, most of which are unpleasant. But Mikasa, that’s a whole other story. When Armin told her Mikasa had rushed back to Paradis during all the confusion, Annie wondered how hard it must have been for her to go all alone. Although Armin had informed her that Mikasa sounded like she was slowly getting better.

“I think it’ll be better if we go visit him first” Armin replies, and Annie can’t help but agree. She’d rather get this over with. Although she’s not looking forward to their duties as Representatives–she figures visiting the grave will be harder for everyone, and will be better to get over with right away.

While she’s thinking this something red flies across her vision. Some wind has picked up in the cart and has caused a light ruffle of clothing. Wearing a tightly buttoned uniform, she had not really been affected by the wind, aside from the hair that lightly sways behind her head. So naturally, she subtly eyes Mikasa to see what it is. As her hair is still rather short and up in a ponytail, it makes sense that it’s a red scarf that twirls in front of her eyes. Armin notices this too.

“You still have the scarf”, he points out. Mikasa looks down to see her scarf has come slightly loose and winds it tightly across her neck. Annie had almost forgotten its importance to Mikasa as she was so used to seeing her with it that even years later it didn’t strike her as odd to see her wearing it.

“Ah yes”, she smiles somewhat sadly, “I really don’t wear it all that often I’ll admit. But today…, I usually wear it when I go to visit Eren’s tree.”

“But enough about that, I haven’t seen you two for so long. How has work been at the Allied Nations? I must say I’m surprised to see you working there Annie.”

At the mention of her name, Annie feels her face heat up.

This is not something particularly new. Annie still clearly remembers the first time Mikasa called her by her name, maybe even more so than the first time she saw her amongst the other recruits. Back then she had been so focused on her mission that while being constantly alert, she was very detached from most other things that happened around her. Stuck in a cesspool of nerves and excitement, children desperate to make something of themselves and earn their place, Annie was honestly relieved to separate herself from all of it. At least, the nerves of all the recruits made Bertholdt and Reiner’s mix of anxieties, regret, doubts, and grief fit right in.

This was best for missions, being numb, and how she had spent most of her life before so. Yet, Mikasa stood out to her against a sea of unremarkable people. Perhaps it was the soldier in her recognizing another fighter, or the spy in her sizing up the competition; the interest was different from that of her suspicions. For example, the way she noticed Armin’s intelligence, Historia’s (back then Christa) slow response to her own name, Ymir’s complete lack of emotion towards titans, and that hard-to-name thing when it came to Eren. They all didn’t particularly interest her past nuances that she kept filed away for the task at hand. And yet despite Annie’s attention towards Mikasa’s prowess and absolute capability when it came to the battlefield, she elicited something entirely different in her.

It was hard to put her finger on exactly what it was—that unsuppressable interest that had no room in the mind of a soldier. Annie never really saw the unique fascination coming. It had begun quietly developing since their training began and before she knew what was happening, it all but slapped her in the face one day; the very same day that Mikasa had called her name for the very first time.

It had been a quiet day for once at the training camp, and most of the recruits were lounging in the mess hall. Annie was no exception as she lazed with the rest of the 104th—desperate to escape the heat of the day by prolonging their lunch. Keeping up her air of disinterest, Annie propped her cheek against her hand as her elbow rested on the old wooden table. She hoped her posture was enough to convey that she did not want to be disturbed especially as the break gave her time to recuperate and plan her next move. She stared down into her empty metal tray, allowing her food to digest as she immersed herself in evaluations and assessments.

And yet in the stillness of it all, it was this moment that for some reason made Annie finally aware of how Mikasa was different to her.

“Annie”

Annie looked up at the call of her name, dismissal at the ready so she could delve back into the increasing complexity of her thoughts, when her mind went blank.

There was Mikasa sitting directly across from her, an intense gaze directed right at her. Even at the cusp of their almost fight Mikasa had not been so focused on her. Back then she was studying her as a fighter, now Mikasa’s expression held something unknown to her.

Her hands were neatly placed in front of her, her tray had probably already been cleared. She had a strand of her dark hair tucked behind an ear. Though what rattled Annie most was the way she was leaning in: shoulders inching closer to her, eyes widening, eyebrows raising. Annie wasn’t sure she had ever been on the receiving end of something like this from Mikasa.

Not surprised by her lack of acknowledgement, Mikasa continued, “Everyone is gathering to play a round of cards, are you in?”

It was at this point that Annie understood what was different. No longer did Annie’s fascination have the excuse of the mission. Here Mikasa was rather removed from the usual context that Annie would study her in. She was not currently utilizing her body as an impressive weapon and instead reminded her more of a regular girl her age. Although perhaps less awe-inspiring Annie found herself just as transfixed with Mikasa as she was when she was ruthlessly wielding her blades. Realizing Mikasa was waiting for a response, Annie mustered a nod–at that point, she would probably have agreed to anything. The reeling of her thoughts made it impossible to disagree with Mikasa as Annie instead acted in an almost daze.

It’s the similarity to this moment that brings Annie back to the present, realizing that just like back then Mikasa is waiting for an answer to her question.

Annie awkwardly shifts and turns to face Mikasa more to answer her.

“Ah, the Allied Nations, yes I can see why me working there would be an er surprise. I can’t say I’m very good at it though. It’s, uh, a good thing we have Armin there”, Annie stumbles out. With her shift to Armin, she hopes she can remain silent.

Armin chuckles and shakes his head, “Nonsense, I get too much credit for the Alliance’s success. Besides, Annie’s a great worker. Her quick thinking and adept analysis are truly a blessing.”

The compliments only make Annie more uneasy as she shifts her gaze to her lap.

“That doesn’t surprise me”, Mikasa agrees in a gentle tone. Annie feels her chest warm.

The two continue to talk about anything they hadn’t mentioned in their long letters as Annie lightly listens. Eventually the train reaches the outskirts of Shiganshima and Mikasa signals to the group that this is their stop. They gather their respective bags and file towards the exits. On their way out, Mikasa offers Annie a small smile.

Chapter Text

The day has only gotten brighter, Annie notes while squirting her eyes in retaliation to the bright rays. She steps off the elevated train cart to the lower platform of the station and the six of them follow behind Mikasa while she leads them in the direction of the grave. A whistle rings out from behind their turned backs, as the train begins moving again.

The swaying of the lively grass fields and fragrant flowers paint their destination with an almost ironic motif. With sweet air, a gentle breeze, and invigorating sun–Annie wishes they were headed to literally anywhere else.

Annie raises a hand to her eyes to block out the now higher sun as she gazes further on up ahead. The slowing of the group’s pace signals that the tree she spots is most likely the one. Her guess is confirmed by the little mound of raised dirt situated at this base, a light grey stone placed at the patch’s head.

As the two of them had never been that close, Annie hangs back a few steps and on further deliberation begins to stroll away to a nearby tree. There are only so many times she can witness her friends be emotionally devastated.

She sits by her tree and tries not to think of it, her last conversation with Eren. She feels that it would be wrong for her to cry about him, especially now. At most they had shared some semblance of common ground through their sparring, which even that was tainted by her betrayal. Rather than deal with justification for which emotions she should or shouldn’t feel, she finds it best to just give the others their space to grieve.

Annie looks up at the sound of soft footsteps approaching to her left.

She’s surprised by Mikasa’s arrival. As Annie had been absorbed in her thoughts, and trying to give the rest their privacy, she hadn’t noticed her earlier.

“Would it be alright for me to sit here”, Mikasa asks.

“It’s not like I own this tree”, Annie instinctively replies. Before she can even consider whether this was an appropriate response, Mikasa lightly laughs and lowers down to sit beside her.

“That’s true”, she agrees, knocking their bent knees together. Annie wonders whether she had been fleeing the others as well.

Annie turns to Mikasa to find her already looking at her, the two meet eyes.

Despite just rationalizing that Mikasa had probably escaped here to get away from the subject at hand, Annie can’t help but blurt out what had been circulating her mind all morning. “You know, in our final talk…” there’s no need to specify who she’s referring to–the context had probably tormented Mikasa these past three years.

“We spoke about you”, she gauges Mikasa’s reaction and in spite of it all a small smile teases Mikasa’s lips.

“Of course you guys did” she whispers, but with their close distance, Annie hears her just fine.

“Listen, Mikasa, I know we were never that close but...”, Annie trails off unsure what she wants to say next. “I’m here”, she manages to conclude and finally breaks their eye contact to nervously look down.

Mikasa surprises her yet again by leaning forward to touch the hand Annie was resting between them, “Thank you”.

A few moments pass before Mikasa speaks again, this time looking down into the fraying fabric of her red scarf, “I know everyone probably thinks I’ve been miserable these past few years. And while it was hard at first, with time it’s somehow become easier. I think I was also just glad for it to all be over…Maybe in some way, Eren got what he wanted, and that sometimes makes it easier to think about. But this time alone has been good for me. Some days are harder than others yet I’ve come to realize some things. Things I could only realize alone.”

“I’m glad”, Annie replies and looks up to the swaying branches that create dancing dapples of sunlight.

“You know you had really interested me back in our trainee days”, Mikasa reveals to her.

“Really? I never would have never guessed you felt anything towards me other than ‘possible threat’”, Annie jokes.

“Oh but that was just a part of it”, she chuckles lightly, “C’mon you know better than anyone what a compliment that is, recognizing someone’s inherent skill.” Annie is still watching the sky but she can imagine the small grin on Mikasa’s face. “Though I hadn’t really understood any of that till recently”, Mikasa pauses, “In the end…I really did come to value the rest of my friends, not just Eren and Armin. I had only just started to understand that love did not hold a finite value and that I had room…a lot of room in my heart. Obviously, with everything that happened the way it did, it was not easy to go back to thinking about things like love. But it really was one of the only things to save me in learning how to deal with this.”

Annie nods in understanding and offers her own thoughts. “Being a soldier for so long...I really never thought there would ever be much love in my life. If anything, love was a vulnerability to squash down. Besides, my understanding of love was not something to be desired anyway”.

“That’s a fair point”, Mikasa responds and pauses, “Though the biggest thing I’ve come to understand is that there are many different forms of love and ways to love. And that there’s always room to learn or even relearn how to love, it’s not something that’s just fixed at birth. Which isn’t even to mention how subjective love is in general.”

“Mhm”, Annie sighs, “Though now we’re getting a little too philosophical for my taste. I can’t believe I ended up stuck with another Armin”.

Mikasa laughs, “You know just as well as I do that that’s impossible. He and I couldn’t be more different.”

The two drift into a quiet silence, content to enjoy the pleasant weather before it’s gently interrupted by Mikasa’s voice.

“And you don’t have to worry by the way”, at the sound of Mikasa’s soft tone, Annie looks back to meet her eyes.

“Just because we might not have the most textbook interactions doesn’t mean we’re not close. Anyone who’s fought alongside me…anyone that I’ve trusted in battle…that’s enough for me.”

Annie looks down as she feels her face heat in embarrassment. And yet, like all things with Mikasa, the feeling is different.

Even though Mikasa had been joking earlier she was right, she was and is very different from Armin–especially to Annie.

For instance, this moment is different from the embarrassment Armin makes her feel when he talks about his feelings. The guilt, shame, and rush of anxiety are missing. When he’d first started to talk about his feelings for her, Annie was shocked. She really had never assumed this was a part of life she’d experience. What little she’d heard and thought about romance was due to either Reiner’s long-winded idealistic fantasies or the shared daydreams amongst fellow soldiers.

Those concerns and wants always felt exempt from her life. Besides, the other million things to be constantly worrying and planning for definitely didn’t leave time for romance. So when Armin confessed she felt out of her element, and Annie fucking despised that feeling. Here she was, a ruthlessly trained and constantly calculating soldier that could take down adults twice her age, dumbfounded over a few words.

Thus, when Annie felt the nervous clench of her stomach and spreading heat she assumed these were the so-called butterflies she had been warned of. Therefore she concluded that the feelings were most likely reciprocated. But with passing time, and at any hint of intimacy, the only thing she ever felt was increasing nausea and disgust. Eventually, unable to take it anymore, she bluntly told Armin that whatever was between them was never going to work for her. Unsurprisingly, Armin understood, probably more than she thought he did. He never held it against her, something she felt both grateful and guilty towards. As Annie felt awful that no matter how platonic it was between them, she couldn’t fully remove that feeling of lingering disgust. It was still hard for her to look Armin in the eyes sometimes and for that she was definitely sorry.

But with Mikasa, this feeling was different. She felt energized, and excited. Instead of everything telling her that this was wrong in some way, it felt like things finally made sense. She didn’t feel that crushing obligation of gratitude towards her. Instead of suffocating heat, she felt both a comforting warmth and a burning desire for something more. Sure there was still so much between them that attached to less than pleasant emotions, but it was still different. Sitting next to Mikasa now, finally being with her, Annie began to see why.

Annie would like to think that she finally had an opportunity in her life to explore something for herself. Rather than cram this all down and insist on indifference, she wanted to be curious. This awakened desire that she felt in herself was liberating. She saw it in the rest of surviving Eldians all the time. It was in Connie’s bouncing walk, Jean’s reclined shoulders, Reiner’s raised head, Pieck’s straightened posture, and in Armin’s growing smile.

Contrastingly, she didn’t feel this from Mikasa. Even with her assurances that she was better Annie couldn’t help but side-eye her in their mutual silence, sitting alongside one another by the trunk of the tree.

She desperately wants to believe Mikasa is better. Part of the reason she didn’t like thinking about her these past years is she couldn’t take the thought of Mikasa in Paradis. She didn’t want to picture her living here all alone, alone and grieving her probable sole reason for living. Annie has no doubts that things have improved for Mikasa, she looks older but in a good way, more mature and sure of herself. She remembers that haunting aura that usually surrounded her, constantly on high alert and ready to lash out and protect. Annie had sort of related to her in that sense to not being able to just relax, constantly surrounded by relentless doom.

Now Mikasa seems softer, not in the sense of physical strength, (Annie tries not to think about how Mikasa could probably still easily lift her up). It’s more in that way of acceptance, which is usually a good thing. Yet, Annie still detects an air of melancholy and disappointment, like she’s still desperately trying to accept a reality she never wanted to live in. She feels as if Mikasa might be better now but...it’s almost as if there’s something missing. On one hand, Annie knows Mikasa’s earlier drives hadn’t been that healthy—though it’s not like she’s one to speak. But on the other hand, she questions if it’s really something missing or if it’s actually something that had never been there in the first place.

She sees Mikasa like an empty vase. When she met her, that vase was roughly filled. Inside of it were off-putting flowers that appeared charming in their own way at first. Yet upon closer inspection, it was obvious the flowers were misplaced and wilting; they both did not complement one another nor the vase they were perched in. Worst of all, the vase itself appeared to be littered with worsening cracks and chipping paint.

When Annie looks at Mikasa now, she sees that the cracking and chipping have stopped. And like Mikasa claims, some of the damage has in fact been repaired. But, when it all comes down to it, the vase is still empty.

Annie can’t help but wonder what flowers Mikasa likes, how that vase would look filled.

Would she let her…
Before Annie can finish the thought, the sound of Jean’s approaching footsteps baits both her and Mikasa’s gaze.

Seeing that he has their attention, Jean yells something to the two about how the rest are ready to head over to Shiganshina. Mikasa nods and stands, dusting off her flowing skirt. She turns and offers a hand to where Annie is still seated.

(Yeah she definitely hadn’t lost any of that strength).

Mikasa and Annie rejoin the group as they begin treading back towards the train station. Some paces in front of them, a rough push from Connie sends Jean of all people staggering forward. His heated face and indignant cries make the rest of them laugh. Annie even finds herself laughing behind a raised hand, which as Mikasa spots, makes her laugh even harder. She stumbles towards Annie brushing their shoulders together and Annie wonders if she’s ever seen Mikasa laugh like this. Despite their moment under the tree being one of few words, Annie feels it’s probably one of the only heartfelt conversations she’s had with Mikasa. She said so little yet Annie felt that it was the most vulnerable she had ever been with her. Further, as both Mikasa and Annie are people of few words, perhaps a full-blown conversation between them might not have been so essential.

The group’s laughter serves to blow away the lingering fog of melancholy that had clung to the group upon their arrival. Mikasa announces she’ll take them to get a bite to eat before they check into their rooms for the night. Even though they’ll be leaving for the capital the next day, Mikasa is intent on making sure they have a nice time.

Chapter Text

When Mikasa had mentioned a bite to eat, Annie pictured a quaint little establishment perched between rows of equally quaint houses. It fit with the small glimpses she had gathered of modest Shiganshina. But Annie should have learned by now that there was little to be expected when it came to Mikasa.

So when Annie found that behind an extravagantly painted wooden door stood a rambunctious tavern bustling with life, she realized that she had underestimated Shiganshina on two accounts. First, she failed to consider that while the rest of the world was left harrowed and distraught, Paradis had never been more in their element. The Eldians living on the island had been spared the worst of the rumbling, they were finally open to trade with the rest of the world, and most of all, the people had been unfortunately quite used to despair at that point. If anything, as they had basically started at rock bottom, there were only improvements to be made.

Second, Annie hadn’t taken into account that in three years time, a lot had changed. Such that, with resolute unbroken spirit, the rebuilding of the city had most likely not taken the hard working denizens that long.

Other nations had faced war before, sure, but the abject horror that the island dwellers basically inherited and drowned in had birthed their intense ability to adapt. Annie imagines thus, that in the last three years, rebuilding an entire city was nothing compared to their previous livelihoods.

Now, looking over a merry crowd that crams the air full of laughter and cheer, Annie can’t help the way the word freedom pops into her mind. The lurching of wood can be heard underneath the dancing steps of boisterous partiers that dance to the music of a small band that’s cramped in a corner.

It’s in these moments that Annie thinks of Eren’s wishes. She figures he would have been happy to see this at least, his people living seemingly unburdened. Annie usually tries to refrain from giving much thought to Eren’s actions. She finds it easier to simply focus on the outcome rather than try to endorse or condone his actions. After all, Annie had previously acted with much more selfishness and with far less regard towards a single person’s life. Further, she was never one for morals and gave little thought to most things in life. Instead, she usually found herself rather numb with nothing but the mission on her mind. Thinking about the neglect and sudden passion of her father, the complicated nature of her forced patriotism, and the hatred thrown her way for simply existing, would only make surviving that much harder. Really at that age, the only thing she could do to keep going was to simply stick her head down and at most care somewhat about herself and her father. All else was meaningless.

Though Annie imagines that risking the life she fought tooth and nail to protect to stop him might have been enough of a suggestion on whether she endorsed Eren’s actions. Still, her heart hurts to think of him and the life he gave up for them. How much pain he caused, what he threw away...

But seeing the exuberant smiles and flushed cheeks of ebullient patrons was a heartwarming sight. At least he had this.

Mikasa shepherds them through the somewhat dim lighting and crowded room towards a large booth slightly hidden in the back. Annie imagines that with such a high turnout for the evening, Mikasa had reserved the space ahead of time. She grabs Annie’s arm and directs her towards one of the booths, sliding in beside her. Pieck sandwiches Annie in from the other side of the booth with Connie in tow. Across from them, Armin, Reiner, and Jean occupy the remaining booth. Annie had never cared much for physical touch, yet she can’t help but find some comfort in the warmth that emanates from where Mikasa’s thigh touches hers.

While Mikasa orders for the group as they break into a light-hearted conversation, Annie is content to sink back into her seat and watch the night unfold. By the time the group has finished off a majority of their food and drink—wearing content grins and lightly swaying—Annie notices Connie subtly trying to get Jean’s attention. Though with the others busy digesting, only Annie seems to notice this rather obvious gesture. She sees Jean uncomfortably wave Connie off, attempting to regroup himself by running a hand over his face. His spot on the booth faces Mikasa’s so when he leans forward to whisper something in her ear, Annie can’t make out what he says. Eventually, Annie feels Mikasa rise from beside her and follow Jean as he makes a beeline for the door. The thumbs up Connie makes at Jean when he spares a glance back at their table has her feeling uneasy for some reason. She tries not to think about her cooling side and how she possibly misses Mikasa’s spot beside her despite having only just left.

The more time passes the antsier she feels, jostling her leg up and down in anticipation. She sees Reiner and Connie share a look but other than that there’s no reference to anything being out of place. Even Armin appears at ease as he engagedly rambles on to Pieck.

Though this changes with Jean’s eventual reappearance. Annie immediately looks him over, noting his downtrodden gait and averted eyes but most damning of all—no Mikasa. As he slides back into his seat he raises a hand to sheepishly rub against the back of his neck.

She can’t help but feel like she’s missing something as Reiner and Connie once more share a look of understanding. Pieck coughs into her fist and Connie throws an arm around Jean’s shoulders as Armin maneuvers to try to include Jean in some light conversation about how much Shiganshina has changed.

Sensing the tense atmosphere and not one for confrontation, Annie excuses herself to the restroom. She sways slightly as she rises to her feet, the drink she had been nursing as a substitute for conversation makes itself known. As she is confident most of the group is still absorbed in consoling Jean, Annie does not attempt to mask her obvious pass of the restroom. Instead, she heads for the back door.

Slipping past the heavy wooden door, Annie immediately feels the cool of the night on her flushed face. With lampposts and a full moon out, Annie can visibly make out the railing ahead of her.

“It’s quite a beautiful night.” Annie turns at the sound of Mikasa’s voice. Her forearms are braced against the railing, one leg cocked in front of the other, while her gaze points up at the moon. Annie is unsure what to say, as she turns around to lean her elbows back on the railing.

Sensing Annie’s lack of response, Mikasa continues, “Some people just never catch a clue do they”, she sighs, shaking her head, “I try to be understanding but…what did he think would happen? Why would things suddenly be different? Or maybe he’s thought nothing has changed, which would only be just as much of an issue. Either way, he’d be wrong about me, both before and now. I have no idea why he thought there’d be any positive outcome.”

At this Annie suddenly remembers all the teasing that went around the men from earlier that day. She remembers the way Jean had been fixing his hair in the mirror on the boat; the way he used to stare at Mikasa during training years ago. She guesses with Eren out of the picture, Jean had finally made his move in one way or another.

“Men are stupid”, Annie offers. Mikasa lets out a soft laugh, “Can’t disagree with you there.”

Annie mulls over asking her next question but alas she’d always been bold to default. Thus she finds herself asking anyway, “What did he even ask you? We’re going off to do negotiations tomorrow, I can’t imagine there was much of a plan.”

“Actually, surprisingly enough, he had a few ideas”, Mikasa turns her head to look at Annie, “Get this, he first offered to for me to join the Alliance, which at this point he should figure that if Armin hadn’t convinced me to join, no one would”, Annie nods along, having already understood that Mikasa’s future did not lie with the Alliance, “Though his second proposal was that he would leave and come join me here in Paradis. And of course that we’d get married, buy a house together, and raise a family: an honest and simple life.”

Annie raises an eyebrow and chuckles, “Those both sound like shit proposals, I seriously can’t imagine you choosing either of those options.” Though hearing silence back from Mikasa, Annie turns more towards her with an incredulous tone, “Wait there’s no way you’re considering either option?!”

Mikasa is facing away from her and staring at the ground in front as she replies. “I...honestly shot him down as nicely as I could but now that I think about it, maybe the second option is really my best bet. While I agree with you that the ship of me joining Alliance has sailed, why did you also find the second one implausible?”

Annie stares down into her hands, picking out nonexistent dirt from under her tender nails. “All I know is that I can’t picture you as some guy’s housewife least of all Jean’s and especially not any time soon. The idea of that just being your life...just living some simple life here in Paradis...it kind of depresses me.”

“What? It depresses you?! Why would it depress you? What’s wrong with some simple life? Just because I’m not off doing some important government work and heroic peacekeeping doesn’t mean it’s not a fulfilling life. I mean look at my life right now…It’s not all that different from Jean’s option and there’s nothing wrong with being a housewife by the way. If anything, maybe I’d be happy with being less alone.”

“Look, I’m not saying that you should be working for the Alliance. That shit is boring and so tedious; you wouldn’t believe the migraine it gives me and I’m barely involved. And you’re right there’s nothing necessarily wrong with being a housewife. But honestly…, look I’m really trying to say this in the best way I can. I know I’m not all that great with being mindful of others’ feelings, especially with my words. You know that. But…your life right now…”

“What about my life right now?”

“I...I don’t think it really suits you; you don’t really seem all that...satisfied here.”

“Just because I’m not bouncing on the walls with joy does not mean I’m unhappy. And with all respect, you’ve barely seen my life here, not to mention the context of today.”

“You’re right, that’s definitely fair. I am absolutely working on some assumptions right now. But I’ve already gotten this far so…Mikasa is this really how he would have wanted you to live? What about your life is free right now?”

Mikasa is silent. She seems at a loss for words. Annie is surprised she’s not tearing her head off; she remembers Mikasa’s infamous and bruising anger. Perhaps though that was only reserved for threats to Eren, something that has mostly become dormant for the past three years.

Mikasa looks up at her, “What else would I do?”, she mumbles quietly after some time. Her expression seems so forlorn. Annie remembers part of the reason Mikasa had stayed in Paradis was to both grieve and hold on to her final attachment to Eren. Asking her to change anything would be a threat to the little comfort she’s managed to carve out in the passing years. She’d be asking her to move on.

And yet Annie thinks of that empty vase as she meets Mikasa’s eyes. “Runaway with me.”

The air is silent.

Both of them stand in shock. Annie couldn’t really believe she had just blurted that out. The thought seems to have impulsively sprung from nowhere, yet as she thinks about it…

Before Mikasa’s able to answer, she figures it couldn’t get much worse from here. She might as well continue with the half-baked idea.

“While I can barely be considered the judge of what’s healthy, nor do I think you really owe the dead anything, I think you need and deserve to be free Mikasa. I don’t know about you but I’ve been barely living. My time in crystal gave me room to think. Eren and I’s fight reminded me of my goal to survive, but in the crystal, I ruminated on what this survival had meant. The desire to see my father was barely my own and was merely something to keep me moving forward. Furthermore, it was only survival I thought of–not living itself. But in my final talk…with Eren, he told me to live a long life. He made me realize that I had barely even been alive up until that point. Here was someone sacrificing their own life to give me one I had never thought I deserved or would ever have.

I see you here…and I can’t help but think this would break his heart. Selfishly he might want you to never leave his side. But deep down he would know that instead you have become sealed away from life and growth by not moving on from him. You have become forever tied down to mourn him.

Take Armin. He’s constantly swamped with work yet, I have never seen him happier. The more time that passes, the freer he becomes. I get to see him smile all the time as he lives the way he wants. But then I think about you. Do you also get to indulge in this selfishness; do you get to live the life you were given?”

“You really love Armin don’t you”

“...”
“What? I-no, i-it’s not like that, wait, that's what you got from what I said?” Annie masks her fluster with an unimpressed look.

Mikasa grins and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “No no, forgive me I was merely trying to lighten the mood. You said all of that, and I wasn’t really sure what to say. I know it’s not like that; I was just hoping to ignore the truth in your other words”, she summarizes ruefully.

“I didn’t mean to speak out of place. I only want to help you.”

“I know. I just, Eren really is, was everything to me. But he really has broken my heart. Even with all that he did for us…the cost at which he did it…I don’t understand everything that went down, but there are some things that I don’t think I can ever forgive him for though.

I think it would be harder to even consider leaving if it weren’t for everyone else. Back when I thought Eren had betrayed us, well I guess just betrayed us for a different reason, I thought I lost everything. He told me he didn’t want me and I thought that meant I was unneeded. Still, Armin was there for me. He made me realize everyone that had been there for us. Jean, Connie, Commander Hanji, Captain Levi, and…Sasha. They were all so important to me and had given me so much, especially Sasha. I know Eren didn’t pull the trigger but, it’s hard to not have complicated feelings over her death. She really had been so kind to me. I really do love her, even now.”

Despite all her words, Annie could still sense Mikasa’s apprehension. Although Mikasa hadn’t torn her head off, it didn’t really seem like she truly wanted to leave.

As if sensing her thoughts, Mikasa continued, “Though leaving? I can’t say I had given it much thought; Shiganshina has been my home for so long now. Besides, where would we even go? What about your job? You’re leaving tomorrow anyway.”

“Mikasa, I don’t give a shit about my job. No, don't laugh, I'm serious, I’m mostly doing it as a favor anyway. Look if you agreed I’d take you anywhere you wanted to go. You don’t even have to have a place in mind. We have no time limit. For once we’re unburdened to just do what we want, to live, no nation is counting on us, all our friends are relatively out of harm’s way, the word isn’t necessarily ending. And knowing the two of us, I think we’d be able to figure it out. Maybe we could visit that nation I heard you’re like apparently a princess of? We could also always visit Levi and Onykapon, and you’d get to meet my father. Or we could go somewhere we’ve never been to. I usually never go with the Alliance on peace missions; I’ve barely been anywhere. We’ve been given a second chance at life…one that wasn’t stolen for the sake of others, let’s make the most of it.”

Annie feels winded. It’s probably the most she’s ever said to Mikasa. She continues staring at her boots, too nervous to catch Mikasa’s face. Though as a gentle hand reaches to grab hers she looks up.

“You’ve given me a lot to think about Annie”, Mikasa admits as she stands closer to her—no longer facing the railing. “I don’t really know what else to say, there’s much I have to consider.”

Annie feels her shoulders drop. The idea had been foolish anyway. What had she expected cool and collected Mikasa to do? Jump up and down while immediately and enthusiastically agreeing to run away with her at the sound of her long winded monologue? Away from Paradis, away from Eren? And more importantly with Annie of all people? Who was she to Mikasa other than a mix of an enemy and maybe a friend.

Feeling guilty and a little embarrassed, Annie drops her gaze again. But before she can fully lower it, Mikasa’s hand intercepts. Annie’s mind essentially clears as she registers the soft touch on her cheek and the way Mikasa intently stares into her eyes.

“You really don’t have to worry about holding your tongue around me. I’m not upset that you chose to speak your mind. If anything I’m thankful to have you thinking of me, please don’t misinterpret.”

Annie hopes that the red cheeks she dorns as the two make their back inside, are associated with the night’s increasing chill.

Chapter Text

Annie stares up at the now dark ceiling of her guest room, her eyes trace the different areas of chipping paint. She lies in an old shirt and soft pants, unmoving on a mattress whose bed springs still manage to make themselves known. She couldn’t complain though, clean sheets and a pillow beneath her head were easily better than many of the accommodations she had experienced as a soldier. Comfort in general had become an unexpected treat after the conclusion of the Rumbling. Though she figures this sentiment most likely resonated with most Eldians that lived in Paradis.

The popular inn, that she currently rests in, is a testament in and of itself to how different things now are for the island. Whereas travel was previously scarce during the time of the walls and usually reserved for military personnel traveling between them, the concept of an inn––while not unheard of––was at a lesser scale. This inn, Mikasa had explained, is even able to specialize in housing non Paradis dwellers and has several floors worth of rooms. Though Annie had not been on many of the actual peace negotiation talks, she feels that the inn is rather sufficient and that she definitely cannot complain about the space it's given her to finally be alone.

She tries to not run the events of today over in her mind but alas the regret she feels over the conversation she had with Mikasa at the bar cannot be ignored. Why had she even said that to her? It seemed more and more pathetic and stupid with every time Annie remembered her proposition, unable to suppress bemoaning over it.

Mikasa went out of her way to make Annie of all people feel comfortable while back in Paradis of all places, and what had Annie done? She took advantage of that kindness to suggest something so out of left field, right after Mikasa had finished an uncomfortable conversation with a different old friend.

Raising an arm across her eyes, Annie hoped no one could hear her low groan of shame. How would she face Mikasa tomorrow? The walk over to the inn had already left Annie feeling as if she was walking on pins and needles. Mikasa had done her best to reassure her, but Annie couldn’t help the doubts that pop into her head as the night progresses. Annie wondered if this would just be some lasting hiccup in their otherwise already fragile relationship as possible friends, maybe even just friendly acquaintances that had previously fought on opposite sides of a war before ending it side by side. Yeah there was no way Annie could improve this. Maybe she could shell up back in the Alliance and just wait for Mikasa to either forget about this or just never see her again. Annie figured that if she made it this long without reaching out to Mikasa she could definitely keep it up for the entire rest of her life. Yes, she could absolutely do that. It’s not like just one day together again without the threat of war showed Annie how much she enjoyed spending time with Mikasa; how much better she felt…

Annie knew that she was barely fooling herself. But what could she do? Over thinking was a speciality of those that preferred silence to conversation. A guaranteed symptom of someone that had been balancing on the very thin line between death and life. At this point, the only solution was probably to just fall asleep and hope things felt less drastic in the morning. Thankfully the stresses and intense emotion of the day made it easily for Annie to get pulled into a deep sleep.

Or not.

“-nnie.”

Huh? Was someone trying to wake her up?

“Annie, please for the love of god wake up.”

Annie’s eyes struggle to open up as she registers the soft yet somewhat urgent taps to her arm.

“I can’t believe that with your past training you’re still able to sleep like this.” She feels silky strands of hair slip off her face when she moves to immediately sit up. Despite Mikasa’s comment she’s tensed and searching for danger.

Sensing her reflexes, Mikasa reassures her, “Relax, there’s nothing wrong; I just have to speak with you.” With this Annie is able to lean back and try to calmly assess the current situation.

She’s sitting in bed with Mikasa lightly hovering over her. Most notably she’s not dressed in either the clothes from earlier that day or possible nightwear. Instead Mikasa wears rather nondescript pants with a zipped up jacket and bag slung around her shoulder. Annie notes that it's in fact still night as she can barely make these clothes out in the meager lighting of her small room.

Pushing past her grogginess she questions “What’s happening? Are you ok?”

“Yes, it’s all fine really; I’m sorry to wake you up. I just wanted to see…Don’t laugh at me I feel a little crazy right now…”

Annie stares at her perplexed. It’s not often that she sees Mikasa almost look nervous of all things.

“Just…is your offer still up?”

“What offer?”

“The offer to run away.”

“...”

What? Was Annie hearing this correctly?

“I guess so?”

“I…I’m in. I’m all in. Look, I even brought a bag with some supplies. I’m ready to go.”

“What? I don’t think I’ve heard you right”, says Annie––voicing her initial thoughts. Annie rubs her eyes to make sure it’s really Mikasa in front of her. “You want to come with me and run away to god knows where with basically no plan?”

“Yes. And it’s not “with no plan”. I’ve been thinking since you asked me”, that explains the reserved atmosphere she kept the rest of the night, “Truthfully this is very impulsive, but you were right. What else is there in my life right now? To a degree that I’d consider marrying Jean!? I don't even love him. Eren didn’t make his crazy decision just for me to then carefully plan and live a life of caution. I owe it to him…I owe it-I owe it to myself. So what if this is a little crazy? Is that not what it means to be free?”

Annie feels the excitement that currently surrounds Mikasa. It’s different from everything she’s recently seen her express. Instead of painful acceptance, for once she seems to actually want. She looks so beautiful right now, Annie thinks. She doesn’t think she’s ever seen this joyful exuberance on her, this wanting to grow and experience. This weightlessness reminds her of that day Mikasa had asked her to play cards all those years ago. It reminds her of the time she had pushed off the face of Annie’s titan form as it had fallen down in defeat. But this is different. She seems even freer. Now there truly is no existing weight. Nothing actually tethers her, and rather than feel lonely and upset by this she chooses to embrace and revel in it.

“Ok.” Annie responds with a determined look, feeling warmth spread from her chest, “Let’s do this.”

The two finish packing materials, and Annie dresses for their voyage. Mikasa reveals that she had come to the conclusion that now would probably be the best time to travel. Annie had to leave the next day anyway and the two weren’t entirely sure they were even allowed to simply leave. The easiest way and to avoid the complexities of Annie’s tie to her job and Mikasa’s stay in Paradis was to just go without asking. Mikasa reasoned that people wouldn’t be upset or threatened enough to hunt them down and they could most likely escape any possible searches regardless. They decided to leave a note for their friends explaining their absence. Though when Annie expressed doubts over Mikasa departing so soon after just reuniting with the other visiting Representatives, Mikasa explained that the Representatives could visit most other places. Especially as agents of peace negotiations, they frequently traveled. The only reason she hadn’t previously seen them was the estranged relationship Paradis had with the rest of the world and Mikasa needing to stay in Shiganshina in order to continue her residence there as to not draw attention to herself.

When Annie brought up expenses, as she only had a slight bit of money on her, Mikasa explained that she had thought of this too. While living in Shiganshina for the past few years she had managed to generate a little bit of money working odd jobs. She figured that with that and a small bit of spending Annie was given by the Alliance to cover her travel expenses, the two would have enough to both travel and get themselves situated somewhere.

“Besides”, Mikasa grins and pauses in her packing, “I’ve picked a decent amount of farming and carpentry; if it comes down to it we could always live quietly in some forest.”

Annie laughs. “With you that doesn’t sound so bad.”

“Also, I can’t imagine that we’ll be all that challenged. At this point, anything pales in comparison to what we’ve dealt with.”

“I can’t imagine sleeping on the ground some nights will ever come close to facing a titan”, Annie deadpans.

Mikasa chuckles as she gives their supplies a final look over, “Seriously not a single one of the jobs I worked even neared the stresses of looking over Eren. That boy was a mess.”

Annie shakes her head as she slings her pack over her shoulder. “It’s too bad I won’t get to say bye to Hitch. I was meaning to get around to seeing her, but it’s probably for the best that I don’t. I can’t imagine she’d want to see me again.”

Mikasa turns to the door of Annie’s room. “Oh that little girlfriend of yours? Don’t worry about her. She’s happy enough obediently following the orders of the Jaegarists.” Annie is surprised by Mikasa’s chidding tone of voice and for some reason feels the need to clear the misunderstanding.

“What no, we, we’re not girlfriends, we were never that, I would barely say that we were even friends.” She hopes that in the dark room her red ears are hidden.

Mikasa slightly turns and quietly opens the door to Annie’s room, “Oh good, you wouldn’t want to get involved in that whole mess they’ve got going on.” Annie wonders if it’s her imagination or Mikasa seems less closed off as opposed to a second ago. She shakes this off though as she follows Mikasa out of her door to the exit of the inn. Years of training ensures that neither makes a decibel of noise as they navigate outside of the building.

“Oh shit”, Annie looks out into the still night, “How are we getting off this island at this time of day?”

“Don’t worry I thought of that too”, Mikasa responds back, “We’ll take horses to the dock and from there I can find us a boat.”

“Not that I’m the biggest advocate of the law, but does that not require stealing?” Annie raises a brow.

“Eh, I was planning on still leaving some compensation. It’s rude at best.”

“If you insist”, Annie playfully replies.

“Yes, yes, I’m sure people will barely even notice a missing horse or boat.” Mikasa responds, matching Annie’s tone.

Mikasa leads Annie through the empty roads of Shiganshina to a small stable. The occasional braying and swooshing of tails can be heard as they near the wooden stands. Annie had figured there would be more security, as Mikasa is able to easily untie the nearest horse and begin to saddle it up. But she guesses it makes sense as these horses aren’t for sale but instead belong to the guests of the inn, spotting the familiar name etched into the wood. Also as popular as Shiganshina had gotten, it was still rather small and theft was probably irregular. Though perhaps the two aren’t committing technical theft; she spots Mikasa fish out a small bag of coins that she leaves in the center of the now empty stall.

“Uh, wait a minute”, Annie starts, “You’re only taking the one horse?”

Mikasa turns from where she is finishing tightening the saddle on the singular brown horse. Annie wonders if lack of adequate light and a full night’s rest has her imagining Mikasa with a mischievous expression.

“Oh I thought I’d save on travel expenses.” She responds in complete monotone. Annie still can’t tell if she’s being serious. “C’mon hop on, I’ll hold the reins so you can just enjoy the ride.”

Mikasa mounts the horse with the dexterity and capability of someone that once had to rely on one to keep her alive. She turns and reaches the hand that isn’t gripping the reins to Annie.

“Right”, Annie accepts the outstretched hand and ignores its firm grip, “Because this is a ride that I will definitely be able to enjoy myself on. Just when I was about to mourn my few hours of sleep, the epitome of relaxation lands in my lap.”

That garners a snort from Mikasa, “I’m glad I can be the one to offer such an exclusive opportunity.”

It’s at this point that Annie realizes that she failed to consider all the logistics of this little idea. As a soldier she had been in a fair number of strenuous and odd situations that called for her to immediately adapt, and yet this is the one that causes her to freeze up.

Annie assumed that not riding behind Mikasa would save her the embarrassment and self consciousness of having to hold her, while not having to actually navigate the horse saved from noticeable panic. Though her slow working mind is able to summarize that perhaps these previous notions failed to consider the severity of this alternative.

The alternative in which Mikasa’s taller and thus larger frame, has now come to envelop her entire body. And with her toned arms, she almost cries at her brain’s miraculous ability to notice this in her current terror, caging her torso. She’s become trapped with no place to flee. The warmth she’s swaddled in is on the surface a pleasant relief to the current cold but very troubling for the frantic beating of her heart.

“Ready to go?”Annie can literally feel the hum in Mikasa’s tone.

Truly she doesn’t often offer enough thanks to her strenuous years of grueling combat readiness.

“Uh. Yes.” Is the best she comes up with though. Thanks Marley, she derisively thinks, so much for all that training.

“Good, we’ll head off. Though I hope you don’t mind, I’d like to make a pit stop on our way.”

This time she’s able to come up with a response as the sudden motion of the horse distracts her. “I have no issue with that. Also, how many days do you figure it’ll take us to get to the coast?”

“Oh I planned for us to ride until the train becomes operational. The reason it was empty when you arrived was because I believe they”, Annie imagines she means current militant fanatics, “wanted it clear for you guys, you know to avoid all the fanfare. Usually the train is up and running during the day so that people can visit different parts of the island. The sea is actually still kind of mind blowing to so many of the folks here.”

“I see, so the horse is simply the getaway car”, Annie sagely sumizes.

“I won’t lie to you, I have no idea what that means.”

Annie huffs, amused, forgetting that Mikasa did not grow up in a relatively industrial city, “Just a stupid joke, don’t worry about it.”

She closes her eyes and tries to ease her tense posture. By the looks of things, they probably have some time to kill till they reach their destination so it won’t hurt Annie to try to enjoy the ride a little. She really tries her best to ignore the scent of Mikasa that has started to become familiar again. Alas, finding no comfort in shutting her eyes she decides to inquire Mikasa further on her plans.

“So what are your ideas for actually leaving the island itself?”

“Ah, I actually thought up a few different things for this. But it’ll make sense if I just explain the full plan; I was able to finally figure out most of it. So right now we’re going to ride to the stop I want to make. By then I imagine the train will have started up, or be just about ready to, as the morning isn’t very far off.” The slow lighting of the fields emphasize her point.

“Originally I had planned for us to simply continue on horseback to avoid being easily tracked, just as a precaution. Instead, I considered that it’s better for us to now value speed, and try to get off the island as soon as we can.”

“Right so that we can’t get sealed off.”

“Actually, it’s mostly because I got a little impatient when I thought of having to further delay our adventure.”

She can’t see Mikasa’s expression but the confession causes Annie’s lips to upturn in mirth. “That as well.”

“As for mode of transportation off the actual island I had also at first planned to, uh, obtain a boat in the same way we got this very horse.”

“Obviously”, she teases.

“Though now I’m hoping coming in with the day’s visitors will allow us to find a willing seller.”

“There’s no way we can afford an entire boat, no matter how small.”

“Yes, well, the fee for renting out a boat for a quick trip around the harbor is rather more…generous.”

“Oh my, who would have thought that you could ever concoct such unseemly plans: stealing from a defenseless merchant. The poor fellow will never see it coming. After all, who's to say a quick trip can’t also mean that they’re never going to see that boat again?”

Mikasa jostles her a little from behind with a snort, “Stop teasing me, do you really think there’s any way the Jeagarists will allow for such news to become an uproar? They’ll be more than happy to quiet any discord with a little compensation. Also have some faith in Historia; she’ll watch out for us.”

This surprised Annie slightly. “Not that I doubt Historia but how can you be so certain?”

“I left her a small letter for Armin to deliver. I’m sure he’ll make sure it makes its way to her hands.”

“Wow, you really did plan for everything, I’m impressed.” She feels Mikasa’s chest slightly puff behind her. “Like I said, we’ve got this.”

Annie leans back a little, “We do”, she agrees.

Chapter Text

While Annie never gave explicit thought as to where Mikasa was taking them, she doesn’t experience any sort of surprise as they near a familiar tree and accompanying stone tablet.

This time Annie does not distance herself. She dismounts with the aid of Mikasa’s hand and doesn’t let go as they silently approach the mound of dirt. They lower themselves while facing the tablet, Annie offers a comforting squeeze to the hand in her grasp. At this distance she makes out the words inscribed on it.

Annie closes her eyes. I will do my best to take care of her, she offers. With little else to say to the man, Annie gives her companion another squeeze before retracting her hand and retreating to stand by the horse.

She has no intentions of leaving Mikasa alone but still wants to offer her some space to make her goodbyes. Averting her eyes, she instead watches the pinkening sky with new hope and bubbling excitement. A few minutes later she hears Mikasa’s approach.

“Ok, I’m ready to go”, the smile on Mikasa’s face removes any lingering doubts Annie had initially harbored. Though, as Annie watches Mikasa, she notices that she can easily trace the smooth slope of her neck in the glow of a new day. This peculiarity finally registers to her, as she realizes that this is of note due to the fact that Mikasa is no longer wearing anything around her neck. Looking past her figure, Annie can just barely make out the smaller and fresher accompanying lump of raised soil at the base of the tree.

“Alright”, Annie replies, “next stop the train?”

“Yes. Thank you for coming with me.”

“Of course.”

Annie looks up into the sky, thinking she had heard the call of what sounded like a seagull–though it was most likely too early for any bird to be flying at this hour. Deciding to chalk it up to delusion from lack of a full night’s rest, she takes a hold of Mikasa’s hand to mount the horse again.

The two trot off towards the train station, and as Mikasa predicted, they are able to easily catch a train towards the harbor. They lightly converse, but remain rather silent. The congested nerves of escaping, uncertainty, and adventure, keep their minds rather occupied.

As they did not board the first train of the morning, there are already some families and merchants that populate the harbor. Upon Annie’s arrival the day before, the land had been bleak and empty. Even with only a small trickle of foot traffic, it already looks better, more welcoming and merry.

Almost as if she could sense Annie’s thoughts, Mikasa voices, “I had hoped you would get to see this place when it’s really busy. Though I guess traveling with the Alliance meant you wouldn’t have gotten to see it on this trip anyway.”

“We can always come back. This isn’t us going away forever,” Annie reminds her companion.

“You’re right, I must make sure to show it to you at some point.”

“I would like that.”

At this point, Mikasa navigates them towards a small blue shack further along the harbor. The old sign in front boasts that it sells all things related to boats and fishing. Behind the counter stands a merchant, who Annie sees wearing a rather open white blouse tucked into blue slacks. They light up at the two’s arrival and slip on the glasses that hang around their neck by a chord.

“Well, well, well, what can I do for you two young people on this beautiful morning?”

Mikasa fishes out her pouch of coins, gracefully plopping it on the merchant’s bar, “We’d like to request one of your day boats.”

“Ah”, says the merchant, their grin growing wider, “A little lover’s trip around the harbor? I assume you’ll wish to forgo a guide then? Maybe I can interest you in the lover’s package instead; you’ll find it best equipped to tailor to a couple’s every desir-”

Before Mikasa has the chance to respond, Annie surges forward to interrupt the merchant’s jovial tone, “Just a ship will do, your cheapest but most durable one.” She had to stop blushing around Mikasa all the time, it was starting to embarrassingly get out of hand. Though she wonders if she imagines the pinkening of Mikasa’s ears.

The merchant chuckles at Annie outburst, “Alright, no need to get so heated, I’ll quit the teasing. Just the standard day trip then. Make sure you have the boat back by sunrest.”

Annie almost feels a little guilty as Mikasa pays for their vessel: taking advantage of this cheery merchant. Though it was probably one of her lesser crimes, one she most likely wouldn’t be haunted by for years, she still wishes their circumstances were different.

The merchant reaches for a little blue key behind the counter; the attached keychain’s winking fish almost mocking her.

“You’ll just use this key right here to start the boat. A simple turn to the right will get the ignition going, and then you’re free to take off”, noticing Annie’s eyeing of the ridiculous charm, they chuckle, “Pardon this little guy, one my kids insisted that I tack them on to all the boat keys. And you know how it is, saying no to kids and all that.”

The merchant turns to look back at them as they walk along the harbor towards the docked ships. Uncaring for the settling silence, they continue, “You two have any kids? Though you look a little young, but who am I to judge?”

“I-we, weren’t not together”, Annie finally retorts.

“Oh really? My bad for assuming”, the merchant gave them a second more assessing look, “That’s too bad, I’m sure you two would make a great couple.”

Annie fights the urge to question them on why they thought that as the merchant stops their janky boots by a bobbing viridian boat. She also chooses to ignore the thanks Mikasa offers in response.

“Here’s the little beaut, might not look like much but I promise it gets the job done.”

“I’m sure of it. This looks like a more than satisfactory vessel”, Mikasa reassures.

“Of course, you two have a nice day. This morning is shaping up to be a lovely one”, they wink and swivel back, returning to their post.

The two begin to board the boat and secure their supplies in preparation for the upcoming voyage.

“What a joyful merchant”, Mikasa muses, “I might miss these people more than I imagine.”

Annie can’t offer much comfort or share in the sentiment, not really ever having a nation that she felt a part of.

“We’ll meet new people. And these guys aren’t going anywhere; you’ll always have a home here.”

“Right, right, you keep reminding me. It’s just every time I’ve left…there was no security that Paradis would be waiting here securely. I’m sorry if it feels like I keep expressing doubts over this. I just can’t help but be reminded of the past, no matter how much I fight it”

“But, Mikasa, that all makes a lot of sense. You should cut yourself some slack”, Mikasa looks over at Annie from where she had hidden her vulnerability by tying down some supplies, “Seriously, think about this realistically. Someone actually explained this to me once. When we have new experiences, we can’t help but try to use previous ones to understand the new ones. So when you do something completely new, it might still end up reminding you of a memory that’s barely related. The more foreign an event, the more your brain tries to contextualize and understand it by creating familiarity. You know how much people love seeking patterns, even when they’re barely there. So you doing something like this––going on an impulsive trip to who knows where with someone you haven’t seen in years, purely for the sake of living and enjoying––your brain has no idea what to think.”

Mikasa hums her agreement while nodding in understanding, a weight seemingly lifted from her shoulders. Annie hopes her words have managed to resonate with her traveling companion.

Mikasa then reaches out to the side of the boat to tug lose the tie that tethered their boat to the dock. The increased swaying unnerves Annie slightly. Despite her usual admirable agility she even stumbles slightly––god does she hate ships. The same can’t be said for Mikasa who readily steadies her with an arm latched on to each elbow. If Annie wasn’t intensely focused on Mikasa’s solid warm grip, she’d be competitively annoyed at Mikasa one-upping her.

“First your adversity with the horse and now this, is there any form of transportation you actually excel in? For a Warrior, I would have expected you to be good at riding most things.”

Annie huffs, “I’ll have you know, I’m good at riding some things.”

Mikasa’s eyes widen in surprise and her mouth twists in amusement, “Oh I see how it is; I guess I’ll have to verify this for myself at some point. Otherwise, I’ll be concerned whether your training went to any use.”

Not expecting the quiet and mature Mikasa to understand the double meaning of her words nor be able to respond to them, Annie finds herself once more one-upped and chooses to simply mutter back, “I guess so.”

She looks out onto the bright waves to avoid Mikasa’s winning smirk; Annie truly felt she was seeing a whole new side of her’s.

The topic is further dropped as Mikasa moves to the front of the boat and attends to the wheel, inputting the key and starting up the motor. Annie turns back from where she’s sitting on a bench behind to watch how Mikasa purses her eyebrows in concentration, finding the motion rather adorable.

Pulling out of the dock of ships and turning to the open waters, Annie takes a moment to process her current situation. This had begun as a habit she picked up during her time as a soldier, originally as a tool of survival. Back then she would have to continuously remind herself of the task at hand to not get lost in empty time. While she, Bertholdt, and Reiner (and Marcel for the briefest moment) definitely had their moments of intense action, a lot of their mission consisted of blending in. There would be months of time that consisted of them not really doing anything related to their task and simply living amongst the other recruits. She belatedly notes that this likely sped along the melting of Reiner’s fortitude and loyalty, whose growing puddles would eventually begin to drown him.

So, as a tool to combat getting too caught up in her fabricated life as a Paradis dweller, Annie would routinely check in with herself and note her surroundings. Annie’s withdrawn nature would aid in both making sure she didn’t get too attached and giving her space to think and plan out her next steps.

Although her years as a soldier had come to an end, Annie still hadn’t been able to knock the habit. Thus, she now finds herself thinking through how she somehow ended up on a boat leaving Paradis. Although Annie had been expecting that she would be leaving Paradis in a vessel, she did not, however, expect that this would be within a day of her arrival to the island, nor without the Allied Nation’s prized ship, and most of all, not with Mikasa Ackerman.

Though she can’t bring herself to mind the changes; Annie can’t remember a time she felt this alive. This excitement only continues to bubble as she stares over at her companion.

Mikasa is the textbook definition of suave, with the masterful way she navigates their boat over the waters––wisps of hair billowing around her assiduous expression.

As if sensing her gaze, Mikasa glances over her shoulder to where Annie is seated.

“What’s on your mind?”, she inquires.

“I’m just questioning how you can be good at this too”, Annie complains light-heartedly.

Mikasa chuckles, “I told you how I worked some odd jobs right? Well, at some point I picked up fishing. You wouldn’t believe the demand for such an exquisite and rather unheard of delicacy.”

“I wonder what other skills you’re hiding.”

Mikasa shoots one last grin before turning around, “I guess you’ll have to find out.”

The two continue sailing while the sun beats down on them from overhead. The settling silence is welcome as Annie continues to think out possible plans. Mikasa’s earlier reliability reminded Annie why she had enjoyed working with her during their training camp.

Given the nature of Annie’s planning and overthinking, she was usually the reluctant brains in most of her operations––whether this be for Scout or Warrior duties. Though she was still able to relatively fly under the radar as far as anyone being overly cognizant of this. Not wanting to risk future dependence, suspicion, or attention––Annie was more than satisfied at only using her quick thinking to aid herself when necessary.

Though when teamed up with Mikasa, Annie wasn’t forced into her usual role of coming up with a plan to help her team succeed without them realizing that it was her plan all along. She would usually have to craft the bare minimum support that still allowed her to remain high in the ranks without really raising or lowering her position. While Armin was reliable in his thought-out plans, back then he still struggled to think on the fly. Constrastingly, Mikasa had innate talent and an overall knack for planning, making her easily adaptable and difficult to bog down. Many often overlooked this skill considering how brightly her strength in battle would shine.

But Annie always noticed. After all, it was Mikasa’s quick thinking that got her to Paradis before the smoke cleared. She was able to avoid most of the Rumbling’s immediate fall out and leave with the most wanted person’s corpse without any repercussions. It’s no wonder she thought up the plan to leave the island so easily and without so much as a hiccup.

A few hours had passed on the open waters and the two travelers had agreed upon a small and inconspicuous harbor for a quick rest stop where they’d stock up on supplies and figure out a more permanent destination. They had only consumed a small bit of the food they brought but it would be best if they bought some more just to be on the safe side of things. Annie had assumed they would have been able to choose some destination while on their boat trip out of Paradis but while the island did have knowledge of foreign nations past Marley, Mikasa hadn’t really acquainted herself with geography during her time there.

In Annie’s eyes the best plan for them would be to first try to find some relatively permanent housing and income or at least a means of obtaining whatever they needed to survive. Once they had this security they could travel around for both sightseeing purposes and figuring out where they’d want to live. Looking at a map was all fine and dandy but the two wished to actually experience these different cities to really get a feel for them. After years of grief, hardship, and misery, Annie was excited about the prospect of traveling or rather just doing something for the sake of enjoying it for once. Mikasa had expressed a similar sentiment, as her eyes lit up while Annie explained different destinations the other Allies had told her about.

“I really can’t wait to see these places”, Mikasa said to her left. Annie had moved up to stand somewhat close to the other, as Mikasa was busy navigating again and Annie wanted to solidify their plans while also offering some alleviation from the constant steering.
“I always heard Armin ramble about traveling and seeing things. Back then I found little appeal in his desires, but now, and don’t tell him this, I’m starting to think he was on to something.”

Annie smiles, “Your secret is safe with me. And I imagine it won’t take us too long to find a place we can work at. As soon as we’ve done that, we can set off.”

Mikasa hums in agreement, “I know I’ve said this a few times already but I can’t believe we’re doing this. It feels so surreal but in a good way.”

“I know what you mean, I can hardly believe we’re doing this either.”

“If someone had told me a day ago that I’d be leaving everything behind for a spur of the moment adventure, I honestly would have told the person to stop drinking. But honestly, though it’s hard to leave, I think it's time I did. It was time to say goodbye.”

She looks down to her now empty neck, rubbing her fingers over the exposed skin. The growing winds blow her hair across her solemn expression.

Annie mulls over how to console or comfort the other and remembers something she had packed for the trip in case it got cold.

“There”, Annie says, slinging a nondescript scarf she had received from the Alliance around Mikasa’s neck.

Attempting to push past Mikasa’s widened eyes and raised brows she continues, “I’m not trying to replace the other, simply this way you won’t be as cold.”

It is quiet between them as Mikasa looks back out on the water. Annie wonders if she might have gotten ahead of herself again, especially as Mikasa had only parted with her beloved scarf earlier that day.

Though these thoughts halt as she notices the tear that slides down Mikasa’s face.

“Thank you”, she pauses, “Thank you, Annie.”

“I really hate being cold”, she adds on.

“I figured. Though I hope you don’t think I’ve overstepped, I know you said not to be so careful, but, I just don’t want to mess up.” Annie shuffles her feet feeling vulnerable at so openly expressing the insecurity.

“Thank you but I do mean it. Trust yourself a little more, especially when it comes to me.”

“You-you…you’re too good to me. I mean seriously it’s me of all people. I don’t think a single person has ever wanted me to be more frank.” Annie looks down, feeling the intimate moment get to her. “I’m honestly still not quite sure why you agreed to this”, she mumbles down into the raised neckline of the heavy coat she had earlier donned.

“Ah, you don’t already know? I’m sure before I saw you again I could have given you a list of reasons and explanations. But now that I feel like I can finally understand my feelings, I think I’ve arrived at a simpler explanation.”

Before Annie can look up she feels a hand on the side of her face.

Throughout her life, Annie can’t say that most things surprised her. At some point she had ceased looking forward to basically anything in life such that little could have any effect on her. This, however, did not at all apply to the two lips that now met hers.

Out on a still boat, lightly rocked by waves painted in a blazing and fiery glow from the accompanying sunset, Annie surmised that perhaps she no longer hated traveling by ship. Rather than the usual goodbyes and melancholy, a new association of beginning and hope started to form before her eyes. With the hand that circled around her waist and the taste of something sweet on her tongue, the only things that came to mind were excitement and comfort. Instead of fearing impending doom, Annie felt relief and reassurance.

Rubbing her now crimson cheek against the softness of Mikasa’s swaddled neck––as Mikasa managed both steering and holding Annie in her arms––Annie stared at the sinking sun with a smile dancing along her slightly puffy lips.

Two old friends, weary soldiers previously wandering aimlessly in the unexpected times of peace, embrace and look out to the horizon. For once they feel excitement for the new day, for the upcoming sun rise. For the first time in years, their hearts race with the thrill of the unexpected, with life. Rather than look down or behind, they determinedly gaze forward.

If you were to ask Annie, she would swear that in that moment on the boat with Mikasa, she smelt the faint yet unmistakable scent of flowers, freshly picked and displayed for all to see.

Chapter Text

“You won’t leave me right”, it’s spoken in a tone that breaks somewhere between a whisper and a sobbed plea.

She can barely make it out from where Mikasa clings desperately to her chest. Face buried in her neck, a mixture of sweat and tears now coating both of their skin.

“You…you can’t, promise me you won’t”, this time it’s definitely whispered, as if voicing it any louder would make the opposite true.

The only thing Annie can do is pull the other’s hunched form closer. A hand buried in her smooth dark hair, the other rubbing circles in her back. She won’t make any more promises, she can’t––not in this life.

Sensing the futile wait for a verbal answer, Mikasa shakes more intensely and Annie feels her chest strain harder. Her own eyes begin to wet as well, in sympathizing misery.

The hands that clutch to her night shirt twist further. “Please…I can’t lose anyone else. I can’t lose you. Please…p-please.” Weak streams of sunlight make their way through cotton curtains and create stripes against their bedroom floor; the chirping of birds, that will later fill the day, is still absent. She softly kisses Mikasa’s trembling head.

“I’m not going anywhere”, she finally responds. Seeing her like this…it’s truly heartbreaking. Annie only ever wants to see her shine and grow. With each smile, she wishes Mikasa would never have to frown again. With each laugh, Annie only wants her to feel happiness. With each cherished and precious memory they create together, Annie wants Mikasa to never experience pain like this again. She wishes she could take it all from her.

But at the very least, she knows Mikasa is not alone now. At the very least, she never has to worry again over how she’s doing an ocean away. At the very least…Annie gets to be here for Mikasa.

Annie hates when Mikasa is suffering, but she’s so thankful that she gets to be the one that Mikasa can lean on. That she gets to be the one that can comfort her and the one that she can trust. Annie wants her words to be enough. Even with her actions she tries to prove to Mikasa in every way how committed she is to their future, to her. She desperately wants to be enough for her.

“B-but they all end up leaving, everyone leaves, I’m always left alone, no one stays, no one ever stays with m-me.”

Annie could say that Mikasa right now contrasts the person she so idolizes for their strength and resolve. But such sentiment would be a lie. Even now Mikasa is strong as she confesses the fears she never wishes to bring to light. The ones that she would rather continue to struggle with in silence than have to talk about aloud. However, she chooses to trust Annie. She chooses to share her pain, rather than bottle it up. She chooses to let herself be vulnerable. And Annie finds herself admiring her partner even more.

And so that’s why she changes her mind; she allows herself one final promise.

“Mikasa, I-I…”, Annie musters her own determination and pulls away from Mikasa to instead reach her hands to cup her face, “I promise you that I will do everything in my power to never leave you. This time will be different.” She gently thumbs the scar under her eye and brings her own gaze to lock with Mikasa’s red stained eyes.“As long as I am breathing, I will never leave your side. Even if I have to claw tooth and nail, even if you grow tired of me and no longer want me, I will always fight to stay by your side.”

Mikasa takes a deep breath, her eyes closing for a moment as she allows the words to sink in. Annie brings their faces closer and rests her forehead against Mikasa’s.

Mikasa smiles slightly and Annie feels her head shake in disagreement.“But, my love, I could never grow tired of you”, she whispers very quietly back. Annie smiles back and readies herself for a final push of courage. Mikasa as always is a reliable source for the determination and tenacity she has helped Annie build over the recent years they’ve spent living together. Even now––in her own moment of suffering and weakness––Mikasa makes Annie feel safe and reassured.

“I was going to wait to ask you this, but I want to prove to you how serious I am about this, about us, about you. I know you trust me, and I am so thankful for it. I just, I want you to never have to doubt that trust. And before you say that that also will never happen, hey don’t laugh, I know you were about to say that”, Mikasa simply shakes again head while quietly chuckling wetly but continues to look into Annie’s eyes, “Just hear me out. I swear Armin is going to give me such a tongue lashing when I tell him I discarded the plan we spent so much time on, but I can’t wait any longer; I don’t want to make you wait any longer.”

“Mikasa, this time we’ve spent together is honestly the happiest I’ve been in my entire life. I wake up every day excited, knowing I get to spend it with you; I’ve literally never felt that way about a single day, let alone a morning before. Though with each day, that feeling only grows as I somehow love you more and more. Seriously, I keep thinking I couldn’t possibly love you more, but then you go and prove me wrong.

There is no one else I could imagine spending the rest of my life with. For me, there is only you. So, I want to honor my promise to you. You should know how deeply I treasure my promises, and this one is no different. If anything, this is the most important promise I have ever made.”

She reaches to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, Mikasa’s mirroring smile threatens to spill the perspiration gathering in her eyes.

“Mikasa, will you marry me?”

…

Annie snuggles in further to the warmth that currently envelopes her.

“You are such a leech.”

Annie rolls her eyes and decides to ignore the insult.

“Seriously, I legitimately advised you to take a heavier coat because you get cold so easily. And yet here you are, stealing my body heat, because of what was it you said again?”

“Mikasa-”

“Right right, because it makes you feel too clunky.”

“Stop laughing loser, fine, have it your way, I'll move.”

Before Annie can so much as move an inch out of Mikasa’s arms she’s tugged back firmly into her secure embrace. Mikasa’s infectious laugh causes Annie’s own embarrassment to fade into endearment as she huffs and allows herself to be moved back.

“I never said you had to move.”

Mikasa kisses the top of Annie’s head, the difference in their heights making it a simple task. In fact, the taller Mikasa had first picked up the habit as a means to both tease Annie and show endearment. Refusing to provide Mikasa the squawk of indignation she probably expects, Annie continues to look out into the rocking waves.

The two stand by the edge of the ferry’s rather unoccupied deck, the other passengers having returned to the lower decks due to the chill. Annie feels a soft cushiony warmth behind her head and wonders which one of the many scarves Mikasa is currently wearing. Throughout their travels, Annie had made it a point to try to buy a scarf from most of the places they had visited. Despite their initial meager savings, Mikasa now proudly boasts a diverse collection of neck wear. Though she claims that the scarf she likes most is the military grade and rather nondescript one Annie had gifted the other on their boat ride out of Shiganshina.

Annie can still vividly recount that day, fondly thinking back on her and her wife’s first kiss. Twisting the silver band that now sits on her ring finger, Annie recalls how tentative and unsure things had been. She almost wishes she could reassure her younger self that it would all eventually work out. Though this wish is rather pointless as despite her anxieties, Annie was overwhelmingly happy. Truly her joy increased with each and every day of her travel’s with Mikasa.

Even during the days the two had slept amongst dense forests with meager supplies.

The nights they spent beneath the stars were definitely challenging. The two would desperately pray that no rain would fall as they would attempt to find whatever comfort they could amongst their haphazardly arranged bedding. The food they ate was always an odd mixture of game they managed to catch, nuts they had scavenged, and whatever produce they could haggle off of nearby vendors. It was this time that admittedly convinced the two that when they were off traveling, they would always try to lend their house to those in need. (A practice they would maintain with the additional houses they eventually came to own in their favorite cities.)

Despite the difficulties faced in those nights, when the two were closely bundled for warmth, Annie couldn’t find herself ruing the time. Her sense of adventure never really died down, and any time spent with Mikasa was already a treat in itself. If anything she found herself missing the nights spent whispering fears and desires out into the busy night with no audience but themselves and nearby critters, and dancing together with no light other than the glow of the moon and no music other than the buzz of insects. Those days had truly taught them how to rely on one another.

The sound of Mikasa’s voice brings Annie to her senses as she realizes that between her wife’s warmth, the gentle rocking of the waves, and sweet memories, she had been falling asleep.

“Hey, we’re almost there”, Mikasa softly murmurs. Annie can’t believe she had almost fallen asleep standing up. She wonders how Mikasa is so awake after the long night the two had had the day before the voyage, figuring it must be the excitement that keeps the other so alert.

“How long has it been since we saw them last?”Annie inquires, hoping conversation will keep her from drifting back off.

“Well, we’ve seen a number of them at different times. But I think the last time we saw the most of them all at once was at Historia’s wedding.”

“Oh right, I guess it has been some time then. Do you know if she’ll be there? Didn’t her stepping down allow her some more freedom?”

“Yes she’ll be there. And I imagine you’re right, despite still being part of Paradis’ government, she has much more freedom. I mean look, she was able to rid herself of that random farmer fellow and marry out of love.”

“I mean thank heavens for that. Could you have imagined her staying with a man?”

Mikasa laughs, “No, not really.”

Eventually Mikasa navigates them down to the deck below to get ready with the other passengers, a light bounce in her step as she prattles on about who she’s most looking forward to see. Annie finds the other’s excitement adorable, and can’t help but remember a few years prior when she had been similarly sailing to Paradis. Though now she figures, the reunion is a much more official one with Armin sending out actual invitations and reserving the whole group a large house to spend the week in.

“Actually I heard that Pieck is bringing a special guest.”

“Really? Are you sure it’s not just Onyankopon, Levi, and those kids?”

“Nope. From what I’ve heard-”

“You mean what Armin has told you.”

“Hush, I shall not reveal my sources.”

“Mikasa, you know, like, three people.”

“Anyway, she apparently went all quiet for a few months to bust a little someone out of imprisonment.”

“Oh I see. I thought Pieck hated her though.”

“Have you seen her?”

“I mean only through photos and vague descriptions but fair enough. And Pieck did always have the strangest taste.”

“At least the gathering will be interesting.”

“There’s no way someone doesn’t punch Yelena in the face.”

Mikasa laughs in agreement, as the captain announces that the ship has finally arrived in the harbor.

Through their frequent traveling, the couple had actually already swung by Paradis a few times––and even owned a small place there––such that Annie moved almost on autopilot through the throngs of other disembarking passengers. Mikasa tugs her hand as she finally spots the train the two had been planning to take.

(Reiner had insisted on picking them up with one of the many automobiles that now frequent the island. However, Mikasa had profusely refused––citing her preference of public transportation. Reiner knew to stop arguing before Mikasa could launch into a tirade about the inefficiency of cars and the individualist mindset it perpetuated. He especially knew to not bring it up to Annie either as his ears would most likely fall off after a less than polite rant about the fuels automobiles consumed and the fumes they omitted.)

Furthermore, the two did not have to bring that much luggage such that taking the train really wasn’t an issue for them. Mikasa also still loved to sit amongst the other Eldians and observe the changing land from the train’s window.

“Are we stopping by our place or straight to the house Armin’s renting?”

“I think we’ll go straight to the party. I don’t want to show up too late.”

“Good point, I’m sure Armin will endlessly chastise us if we’re any later.”

From Armin’s letters to the two, Annie knew that he had rented the house in question as part of a vacation from his work in the Alliance. Eventually he had the idea to utilize the house to throw together the first official gathering of the 104th, though she and Mikasa had understood it as essentially a gathering of whoever had survived the war from their friends.

Annie felt slightly apprehensive at meeting with so many people, regardless of the fact that she already knew most of them. She had gotten rather comfortable in the little life she and Mikasa now led. Despite their frequent travels, the two usually kept mostly to themselves and the small community they lived in. Though Annie felt solace in the fact that she had Mikasa by her side, something she couldn’t help but be proud of and comforted by.

“I wonder if Jean will still shamelessly ogle you”, Annie ponders.

“There’s no reason to be jealous”, Mikasa laughs, poking Annie’s cheek from where she’s seated beside her.

“I’m not jealous”, Annie retorts, looking down at her ring finger smugly. She’s already counting on subtly waving it endlessly in front of Jean’s perspective eye, as she usually does when she runs into him.

“Seriously, though I think he might have moved on. Remember that letter Armin sent a while back? I think he ended up finding someone. Though now that I think about it…, you don’t think there’s any correlation with the person Armin mentioned he recently found? He was needlessly secretive about it.”

Annie snorts, “I highly doubt it, but knowing Armin’s tastes I also wouldn’t be surprised. I mean between me, Eren, and Jean––it can’t get much worse for the guy, like he must hate himself in some way.”

Mikasa comically gasps, “Well now you’re insulting me as well, and I think I happen to have excellent taste!” She reaches her other hand to pinch both of Annie’s cheeks. “Wait a minute, when you say it out loud like that, have Armin and I had the same romantic interests?” The uncharacteristic groan Mikasa lets out has Annie chuckling and reaching up to this time to poke her cheek in retaliation.

“I am never letting you and Armin live this down. I think this might be the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Mikasa only groans louder and slouches over onto Annie. “Please don’t mention this to Armin; he too will find it absolutely hilarious.”

“No way. I’m sorry but as your wife it is my duty to sometimes find joy in your embarrassment.”

Mikasa grows quiet at that and Annie feels a slightly unusual worry, as doubts had mostly evaporated from their relationship.

“Everything ok? You know I’m kidding right.”

Though seeing her smile, Annie considers that she might have misread the silence.

“No it’s not that. I just love hearing you say that so much that it sometimes takes me a second to recuperate.”

“That I like making fun of you?”

“No silly, that you’re my wife.”

“Oh”, Annie responds, growing silent as well as her cheeks heat up.

“Though I suppose I shall permit you to reveal to Armin my embarrassing discovery as it’s only fair for how much I love making you all flustered and embarrassed”, before Annie can lightly slap her as the redness spreads to her neck, Mikasa quickly catches her hand with a smile, “I’m sorry love, don’t get mad, you make it too easy.” She kisses the back of Annie’s with a grin still plastered on.

“You’re lucky I love you”, Annie mumbles as she leans against Mikasa again––hoping to relax before the train reaches their stop.

“Don’t I know it”, Mikasa softly whispers and kisses the top of her head.

Annie wonders if she imagines the soft “Thank you” before she drifts asleep.