Chapter Text
Mr harrington please stop sending memes challenge
moonmoon: gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. mansplain, manipulate, malewife.
moonmoon: choose your alignment
Scary Captain: girlboss
nedleedle: gatekeep
The News(™): also girlboss
Murphy’s Law: mansplain
president lincoln: i feel like i could pull off malewife
peterman: i do too
peterman: gaslight is pretty tempting tho
avril lavigne: peter you couldn't lie to save your life
peterman: hey!!!!
peterman: yes i could >:(
Murphy’s Law: dude you cant keep anything a secret
Murphy’s Law: when betty planned a surprise party for me last year?? Remember?
moonmoon: charles asked what we were talking about, you freaked out and yelled “apples aren't real”
peterman: I PANICKED OKAY???
avril lavigne: don't worry peter, we still love you
avril lavigne: even though you couldnt keep a secret if your life depended on it
peterman:
peterman: ok
nedleedle: what do you think mr. stark is???
peterman: i have no idea
moonmoon: peter. If you go up and film you asking him, i will give you my kidney
peterman: hmmmm
peterman: well i have been in the business for a new one
peterman: you’ve got yourself a deal, moon
---
Rowdy Boys
Small™: im about to do something hilarious
Small™: come to the lab
jalapeno eating king: im running—
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peterman: Video Attachment
[Video description: Peter is walking with his phone, the camera sneakily pointed at the floor. All we can see is his socks---they are patterned with Thor’s hammer. He is heard quietly snickering as he walks across the shiny tiled floors.
Peter: Hey, Mr. Stark?
Tony: What’s up, kid?
Here, Peter clears his throat, clearly psyching himself up. Then, through a laugh, he says:
Peter: Do you feel like a girlboss?
Tony: …
Tony: What?
Peter giggles.
Peter: Girlboss, gaslight, or gatekeep?
Tony is silent.
Peter: Or, perhaps, you feel a stronger connection to mansplaining? Manipulate, or malewife?
Here, Peter risks moving the camera up to get a shot of Tony’s blank face.
Tony, quietly: Is this one of those trends you like?
Peter: Irrelevant.
Tony sighs and turns back to his workbench. It is silent for a long moment, the man focused on his project. Then, consideringly, he adds;
Tony: Manwhore.
Peter’s roaring laughter is cut off by the video ending.
End of video description]
moonmoon: PFFFFT-
President Lincoln: BHAHAHAHAHA
avril lavigne: WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD
nedleedle: p e t e r
peterman: your kidney. hand it over.
---
SSEA
baby avenger: percy is on the floor laughing
( ̿ ̿▀‿▀)▬▬ι═══════ﺤ: adfrejkrekjbgrebjk can you blame me????
baby avenger: oh my god you keysmash
baby avenger: does percy jackson is do gay?
( ̿ ̿▀‿▀)▬▬ι═══════ﺤ: pete.
( ̿ ̿▀‿▀)▬▬ι═══════ﺤ: im ancient greek
( ̿ ̿▀‿▀)▬▬ι═══════ﺤ: at this point i think its an inherited trait
mindiana jones: mmm fair point
( ̿ ̿▀‿▀)▬▬ι═══════ﺤ: when i came out to my dad he was just like “yeah”
gitc: f
gitc: cindy is losing her mind rn
Tony Stank: i stand by what i said
mindiana jones: ive never liked you more than i do now
Tony Stank: thanks? I think?
---
Mr harrington please stop sending memes challenge
The News(™): i cant believe tony stark outed himself as a thot
moonmoon: the world will never emotionally recover
president lincoln: peter. If you know tony stark
president lincoln: and HE knows pepper potts,,,,
peterman: !!!!!!!!!!
avril lavigne: DO NOT
Murphy’s Law: if you ask pepper potts if she’s a gatekeeper, i think god will strike you down without question
Scary Captain: peter. Im warning you
Scary Captain: dont bother ms potts
nedleedle: i think its too late
nedleedle: hes probably running up the stairs in the tower as we speak
The News(™): a preemptive rip for one peter benjamin parker
president lincoln: rip
avril lavigne: dont even go there abe
avril lavigne: you are the one that started all of this
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peterman: Video Attachment
[Video description: Peter is sprinting up the stairs and down a nice-looking hallway at inhuman speeds. He stops at a large oak door. In the placard by the room number, the name V. Potts is displayed. Peter knocks politely on the door.
Pepper, muffled: Come in!
Peter briskly opens the door and walks to the desk. He slams a hand down on the wood.
Peter: Ma’am.
Peter: Would you classify yourself under the category of girlboss, gaslight, gatekeep, manipulate, mansplain, or malewife?
Pepper looks distinctly amused. She cups her chin in her palm, tilting her head to the side a little.
Pepper: Hmm…
She nods once.
Pepper: I’d have to say I’m partial to girlboss, myself. Though manipulate is a good one as well.
Peter: Thank you for your service.
The video cuts to a confused man in decorated military dress sitting on the couch, looking up at Peter from a stack of paperwork.
Rhodey: I’m sorry, what?
Peter: If you had to classify yourself, Mr. Colonel Rhodes War Machine Sir. What would you pick?
The Colonel still looks a little confused, but considers it.
Rhodey: Uh, gatekeep?
Rhodey: And what have I told you about calling me that?
Peter laughs.
Peter: Thank you for your time, Colonel.
The camera cuts, once more, to a different setting. An abnormally large black dog is sitting on the couch, drooling on what looks like a very expensive pillow. She wears an ocean colored collar and a white harness with fluorescent stripes.
Peter approaches the behemoth of a dog, cooing and baby talking.
Peter: Who’s a good girl? Aw, it’s you. Best girl. Fantastic dog.
The dog breaks out into a smile, showcasing canines as long as Peter’s pinkie. He reaches forward and rubs her head.
Peter: You’re a girlboss. I just know it.
She licks his hand.
Now, he moves the camera away from the dog to the cushy armchair next to it. A tall man is sitting in it, elbows on the knees of his spread legs, sharpening a long steel xiphos. Dark hair hangs over his eyes, obscuring most of his face.
Peter: Hi, PJ!
PJ doesn't look up, but he gives Peter and acknowledging nod.
PJ: Hey.
Peter inches forward.
Peter: Ok. So.
Peter: Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. Mansplain, manipulate, malewife.
Peter: Which one are you?
Momentarily, the steady scraping of PJ’s sharpening pauses. He cocks his head to the side, then resumes his steady motions.
PJ: Manslaughter.
Peter:
Peter: ...okay
End of video description]
peterman: PS if you guys show this to anyone MJ is gonna shove your eyes down your esophagus
Scary Captain: 🔪
moonmoon: peter i cant believe you
moonmoon: you give us god’s gift to man
moonmoon: but we cant even show anyone
President lincoln: forget T H A T
President lincoln: war machine classified himself as gatekeep???
The News(™): and pepper confirmed she knew she's a girl boss
avril lavigne: okay but
avril lavigne: i know rich people are ✨quirky and eccentric✨
avril lavigne: but having a fucking bear on the couch is a tad much, methinks
peterman: oh thats just my friends dog
President lincoln: d o g ? ? ? ?
peterman: yeah :)
peterman: shes a sweetheart
Murphy’s Law: and that scariest man i’ve ever seen??? Just sitting on the couch with a sword??
moomoon: yeah like i know superheroes are funky
moonmoon: but the broadsword was a little much
peterman: oh he’s not a superhero
peterman: that’s my friend PJ
peterman: the one who ate all the jalapenos, remember?
moonmoon:
The News(™):
President lincoln:
Murphy’s Law:
avril lavigne:
nedleedle: i think you broke em, pete
peterman: ?
moonmoon: THATS PJ????
President lincoln: ARE YOU SERIOUS
The News(™): I THOUGHT HE’D BE LIKE. SOME RANDOM GUY
The News(™): NOT AN ACTION HERO WITH A SWORD
avril lavigne: HE LOOKS LIKE THE MAIN CHARACTER
Murphy’s Law: and that bear is his???
peterman: dog* and yes
peterman: also he would like you to know its not a broadsword
peterman: its a xiphos
peterman: hes very particular like that
moonmoon: peter, and i cannot express this enough,
moonmoon: what the fuck