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Kojiro ran a towel through his hair and then glanced over at Kaoru, who was glaring at him from the other side of the changing room.
“Alright Kaoru, what’s that face about?”
Kaoru huffed and turned away from him. “Not everything is about you, you know…”
“Yeah, but not everything isn’t about me, and you haven’t spoken to me properly in a week now, not since-“
“I know!” Kaoru interrupted. His face seemed determined to match his hair in hue, which Kojiro ignored as he continued to dry himself off and then rifled around in his bag for a dry change of clothes.
By the time Kojiro looked up at him again, Kaoru had pulled a partially crushed white paper swan from his bag, which he cradled in both his hands.
“Do you remember…?“
“Of course I remember. When I gave you that swan and you ran away? Yeah.” Kojiro tried to keep the bite out of his voice. “Did you bother to read what was in it?”
Kaoru nodded slowly and placed the swan on the bench before him, opting to wrap his arms around himself and lean back against the lockers.
Kojiro took in his form and exhaled. “It’s fine, Kaoru. You don’t have to say anything more, I can take a hint. I misread things, but now I know that you don’t want me…”
Kaoru bit his lip, trying to stop its trembling. “No! I- I do, I love you Ko, I’ve loved you! But- our children would just be such ugly colours!” He let out a sob and his hands moved to cover his face.
Kojiro’s eyes widened and he froze, then before he knew what he was doing he had dropped his towel and was moving forward, then a second later he was cradling Kaoru’s shaking form. He brought a hand up to stroke Kaoru’s hair, and let out a shaky laugh.
“You absolute dumbass… who even said we’d have kids?” he murmured against Kaoru’s hair.
Kaoru hiccuped and then laughed shakily. “I just mean eventually. I know you want kids one day, I’ve seen you around the kids on the team. And I do too! And I love you, but the pink and the green are just gonna make this awful brown and I don’t want to do that to our kids…”
“Kaoru… firstly, hair doesn’t work like that. But secondly… brown is a normal hair colour.” Kojiro whispered.
“I don’t want our kids to be normal…”
Kojiro’s hand stilled in Kaoru’s hair. “You want… this? For them?” He brushed Kaoru’s hair to the side, over his shoulder, then lightly trailed his fingers down the row of ridges carved into Kaoru’s back.
Kaoru stilled. “I…”
Kojiro’s hand reached the base of Kaoru’s back then moved over half an inch and traced his fingers up the next row of scars. “Kao, if this is what exceptional looks like then I don’t want exceptional for them. Let them have brown hair, let them be slow racers, let them feel worthy and happy and loved.”
Kaoru inhaled a shaky breath and tightened his grip on Kojiro’s shirt, then let out a small laugh. “Maybe… maybe that wouldn’t hurt…”
“You’re damn right it wouldn’t hurt,” Kojiro squeezed his arms a bit tighter around Kaoru. “That’s the point, I don’t want them to hurt like you hurt.”
Kaoru buried his face into Kojiro’s shirt. “I don’t want them to hurt like me either…” Kaoru stayed like that for a long moment being whispering into Kojiro’s chest. “You smell good.”
Kojiro smiled and rested his chin on Kaoru’s head. “Yeah? That’s cause I finally got all the chlorine out of my hair. And Kao?” Kojiro pulled back and slid his hands up to cup Kaoru’s face, pulling him slightly off his chest so he could look him in the eyes. “I don’t want you to hurt either. We can- it can get better. I don’t want you to be hurting anymore, but you expect so much of yourself, and you want to be perfect but if the price of being perfect is hating yourself then I don’t think that’s a price worth paying. Be mediocre with me. Be happy with me.”
Kaoru’s eyes squinched up, his eyebrows drew together and his jaw started to tremble. “I-“ he started to speak but his voice caught in his throat. He blinked his eyes hard, tears falling from the corners and clearing his vision. He stared up at Kojiro for a moment before nodding, and then he lowered his face back into Kojiro’s chest and kept nodding, and Kojiro stroked his hair and lowered them both to sit on the changing room bench and Kaoru kept nodding.