Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

TheseusKrakenDangerInnit added 10 people to the groupchat

TheseusKrakenDangerInnit changed their nickname to BIG MAN INNIT

BIG MAN INNIT: HELLO OTHER DECENT PEOPLE

WilburSoot: tommy, kindly, what the FUCK

TechnoBlade: ew I’m in a groupchat with a raccoon what

BIG MAN INNIT: FUCK YOU TECHNOBLADE

TechnoBlade: I’m aroace you dumb fuck

CaptainPuffy: ive been in this group chat for five seconds and i already despise it

NikiNihachu: what’s this groupchat for tommy?

CaptainPuffy: i no longer despise this groupchat

WilburSoot: BAHAGFGFJAGHUFA

BIG MAN INNIT: im glad you asked niki!!!

BIG MAN INNIT: I dunno

WilburSoot: tommy your adhd is showing

BIG MAN INNIT: SHUT

TechnoBlade changed their name to blood god

blood god: much better

WilburSoot: wait we can change our names??

WilburSoot changed their name to brrrrr

brrr: OH COOL

WilburSoot changed their name to wilby

BIG MAN INNIT: THAT WAS O N E TIME, WILBUR

wilby: did you just fucking call me WILBY

blood god: pfffff

wilby: wait I wanna try something

wilby changed NikiNihachu’s name to a literal angel

a literal angel: awww thanks wil!!

wilby: !! WE CAN CHANGE EACHOTHER’S NAMES

blood god changed BIG MAN INNIT’s name to raccoon

raccoon: i accept my title with dignity

TubboUnderscore: hullo

raccoon: HI TUBBO

RanbooBeloved: TUBBO

TubboUnderscore: hi

TubboUnderscore: how are we doing today lads and lasses

a literal angel: that reminds me!! puffy what are your pronouns today??

CaptainPuffy: she/her thanks for asking!! /gen

raccoon: wait what

raccoon: what do you mean pronouns “today”

CaptainPuffy: im genderfluid so my gender changes from time to time

CaptainPuffy: last week I was a guy, this week a girl

raccoon: like alex fierro

CaptainPuffy: YES alex fierro my BELOVED

TubboUnderscore: wait can we just establish everyone’s pronouns just in case

wilby: he/him

CaptainPuffy changed their name to Cap’n Puffy

Cap’n Puffy: she/her atm

blood god: ve/ver and xe/xir

TheEret: any i don’t really mind

a literal angel: she/her

raccoon: he/him

RanbooBeloved: they/them

FunDy: he/him

FunDy changed his name to Fundy

TubboUnderscore: he/they just in case someone didn’t know

HBomb: he/him

TubboUnderscore: good to know. now on to changing names

TubboUnderscore changed his name to tubbee

tubbee: yae

Cap’n Puffy: that reminded me of that one “why are you gae” vine

TheEret: I REMEMBER THAT

Cap’n Puffy changed TheEret’s name to king queen

king queen: that is an oxymoron and i love it

HBomb: remember when you knighted us?

Fundy changed HBomb’s name to i despise you

i despise you: WHY

Fundy: I HAVENT FORGOTTEN THAT ONE DAMN TIME

i despise you: WHICH

i despise you: oh

i despise you: .. ;)

Fundy: NOPE

Fundy left the groupchat

raccoon: oh for fuck’s sake

raccoon added FunDy to the groupchat

FunDy: FINE but no innapropriate jokes

a literal angel: yeah hbomb some people may be uncomfortable with that!! /srs

i despise you: fiineee

i despise you changed their name to h

h: better?

raccoon: YEAH

wilby: well that just happened

wilby: anyways how we feeling tonight

tubbee: dysphoreos.png

wilby: .

wilby: im

FunDy: BAJAHFJAHFA

a literal angel: HFAFBUFABUYAFAU

king queen: LMAOOOOO

h: i dont. get it

raccoon: WHEEEEEEZE

blood god: BRUUHHHHHH THAT’S HILARIOUS

a literal angel: @h

a literal angel: some trans people such as yours truly get dysphoria

a literal angel: dysphoria? dysphoreos?

h: OH

h: OH TAHTS PRETTY FUNNY ACTUALLY LMAO

Cap’n Puffy: wait what happened

Cap’n Puffy: BAHFAJAFI IM SAVING THAT IMAGE

wilby changed Cap’n Puffy’s name to gay panic

gay panic: FUCK YOU

Chapter Text

a literal angel: good morning everyone

wilby: i think everyone else is asleep lol

a literal angel: oh

a literal angel: well good morning wil!!

wilby: morning niki

WilburSoot à NikiNihachu

NikiNihachu: WILBUR HELAFIOUJFAOIFA

WilburSoot: WHAT WHAT ARE YOU OKAY

NikiNihachu: PUFFY JUST WOKE UP AND SHES IN A CALL W ME AND SHE SOUNDS REALLY CUTE BC SHES JUST WOKEN UP HELP

WilburSoot: BAHADHJGFJAFA

NikiNihachu: NOT FUNNY WIL I AM LITERALLY PANICKING

NikiNihachu: ALSO I DIDN’T RESPOND FOR A FEW SECONDS SO NOW PUFFY’S WORRIED

NikiNihachu: SHIT

WilburSoot: this is the textbook definition of a gay panic

NikiNihachu: SHUT

NikiNihachu: OH FUCK I LEFT THE CALL

WilburSoot: how much worse can this get lmao

CaptainPuffy à NikiNihachu

CaptainPuffy: hey you okay?? you left the call

NikiNihachu: yeah i was just typing to wil and accidentally left the call :(

CaptainPuffy: oh ok! i was just worried there for a second

CaptainPuffy à TheEret

CaptainPuffy: how do i hide a body

TheEret: context please

CaptainPuffy: apparently niki disconnected from the call because she was talking to wilbur

TheEret: oh damn

TheEret: please don’t murder wilbur

CaptainPuffy: give me a reason not to

TheEret: ..because he’s my friend?

CaptainPuffy: …fine

CaptainPuffy: but tell him he’s on thin fucking ice

TheEret à WilburSoot

TheEret: you’re on thin fucking ice

WilburSoot: ??

WilburSoot: eret??

WilburSoot: eret what does this mean

WilburSoot: ERET TELL ME

WilburSoot: WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

WilburSoot: E R E T

Chapter Text

raccoon changed the name of the groupchat to fuck you

a literal angel: tommy why

raccoon: i mean most of us have said it at some point

raccoon: including you niki

a literal angel: .

a literal angel: you have a point

gay panic: who did you say it to?

a literal angel: jschlatt

gay panic: oh fuck not him

wilby: isn’t he your brother or something

gay panic: yes

gay panic: you think i’m proud of having a transphobic, homophobic and misognyst brother

a literal angel: oh fuck

TheEret à CaptainPuffy

TheEret: are you okay

CaptainPuffy: i think so

TheEret: are you safe

CaptainPuffy: yes

TheEret: promise?

TheEret: puffy respond

CaptainPuffy: soRRY I JUST DROPPED MY PHONE DOWN THE TOILET FHAUIFAHFA

TheEret: puffy.

CaptainPuffy: yes i’m safe

TheEret: okay

TheEret: i’m trusting you

fuck you

raccoon: and so that’s how i lost my first ever knife

wilby: its true i was there for it

technoblade: tommy almost massacred a town

a literal angel: HOW DID YOU EVEN MANAGE THAT

gay panic: i

gay panic: i return to this

king and queen: BAJFHJFAHKFA

h: that was traumatizing to read

tubbee: hey hbomb doesn’t it remind you of that time in denny’s

h: SHUT

tubbee: where we

h: S H U T

tubbee: managed to find the old liquor in the back of the shop somehow

h: SHUT IT TUBBO

h: I WILL FIND YOU AND DESTROY YOUR KNEECAPS

tubbee: eret and niki will protect me

king queen: you’re on your own kid

tubbee: ..niki?

a literal angel: fine

a literal angel: hbomb if you destroy my brother’s kneecaps then i will personally shove a brick down your throat

h: OH YOU’RE SCARY

a literal angel: <3

h: YOU SCARE ME

tubbee: ABHAFFHAIFA

king queen: oh trust me you don’t wanna see her angry

h: wait

h: this is NOT angry?

wilby: not even close

fuck you

wilby: everyone quote a vine that fits you

king queen: everybody has a gay cousin. bitch i don’t have a gay cousin. oh wait i am the- oh my gawd

RanbooBeloved: road work ahead? uh yeah i sure HOPE it does

tubbee: waddup, i’m jared, i’m 19 and i never fuckin learned how to read

a literal angel: we got fre sha va ca do

gay panic: hey everybody today my brother pushed me so i’m starting a kickstarter to put him down

wilby: what the fuck, richard

raccoon: i want a church girl that go to chirch aND rEaD hER bIBLE

blood god: got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome yesterday. now i take a d d e r a l l

h: what the FUCK is up kyle

FunDy: i understood like TWO of those vines

FunDy: oh and mine is

FunDy: this bitch empty. Y E ET

wilby: these are all iconic vines thank you so much for coming to my ted talk

a literal angel: no problem wil!!

wilby: omfg you’re so nice and considerate what the fuck

gay panic:  🔪

king queen: PUFFY NO

gay panic: o lawd she comin

king queen: PUFFY N O

gay panic: too late keys are in the car

king queen: PUFFY!!!

a literal angel: i

a literal angel: what

wilby: shes 5’2. what she gonna do

wilby: aim for the ankles??

gay panic: OKAY SO BEFORE I WAS JOKING

gay panic: NOW IM COMING AND I WILL FIND YOU, AND I WILL KILL YOU

wilby: im.

h: oh dear lord

wilby: why do i feel like ive pissed off some primordial force

gay panic: any moment you’re not running, i’m getting closer

wilby: i feel like i should be panicking right about now

tubbee: well it was nice knowing you wilbur

raccoon: ill miss you wilbur!! we were like brothers

wilby: don’t say that i will cry

king queen: i see her pulling up in your driveway

wilby: wait seriously

wilby: OH FUCK

king queen: download5.png

king queen: puffy rn

gay panic: you’re next eret

king queen: …

king queen: well fuck

Chapter Text

fuck you

a literal angel: GUYS im lowkey panicking rn

gay panic: what? whats wrong?

h: you okay?

wilby: niki?

a literal angel: this substitute teacher is an absolute fucking bastard i hate him

a literal angel: so apparently?? my new name?? isn’t registered??

wilby: what the FUCK

gay panic: wait WHAT

a literal angel: THAT’S WHAT I THOUGHT

a literal angel: HE USED MY DEADNAME

a literal angel: and when i told him that i go by another one

a literal angel: he said that

a literal angel: actually first he said ‘no girl has a voice that low’

a literal angel: which THANKS REALLY PUTS MY VOICE TRAINING TO LIGHT HUH

wilby: WHAT THE F U C K

raccoon: oh fuck i just read up niki

raccoon: you don’t deserve that

tubbee: name and address

gay panic: i have a gun here whats his name

a literal angel: and then next he said that if i don’t respond to the name on the register then he would mark me as absent?

wilby: LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK

gay panic: OH JESUS

a literal angel: you have got to be fucking kidding me

tubbee: what has he done now

a literal angel: he just looked at the two neurodivergent kids on our register

a literal angel: then he said to himself OUT LOUD

a literal angel: ‘oh those are the retarded ones’

blood god: THAT’S FUCKING IT

blood god: I’M GOING TO KILL THIS MAN

a literal angel: problem now

a literal angel: i am incredibly dysphoric in the middle of class

wilby: im gonna burst in ask for niki

a literal angel: what

wilby: say im from another class and that she needs to come with me to see another teacher idk

a literal angel: oh. ok!

gay panic: hmfnsjsaas i wish i could help you niki but im in biology and i have a super strict biology teacher

raccoon: hey niki im not one for wholesome shit like this

raccoon: but were here for you if you need us

raccoon: and we wont judge you based on your like. pronouns

tubbee: yeahh!! what tommy said <33

a literal angel: 1 thank you tommy i really appreciate it

a literal angel: 2 i’m- tubbo you are literally my brother

tubbee: and??

a literal angel: ..thank you

tubbee: awww no problem SISTER

a literal angel: oh my GOD WILBUR’S IN AN ARGUMENT WITH THE TEACHER

raccoon: WAIT WHAT

a literal angel: GUYS LOOK

a literal angel: *video9.mp4*

[The video shows Wilbur standing in the doorway of a classroom. He asks for Niki, and the teacher says, ‘There’s nobody here called that.’

Wilbur retorts by saying, ‘Uh there bloody well is, my friend, Niki Nihachu.’

‘Well that’s not the name on the register.’ The teacher says. ‘And besides he’s clearly a boy.’

‘Ex-fucking-scuse you, my friend is a girl and she has always been a girl it’s just transphobic pricks like you that make it hard for us to live.’ Wilbur tells him, glaring. The teacher gets up and says the T-slur. The whole class puts their hands up and goes, Woah woah woah.

‘How fucking dare you!’ Wilbur shouts. ‘That can get you fired, and I’ll make sure it will!’

Wilbur and the teacher begin arguing, pointing fingers at eachother. Eventually, Wilbur just walks forwards and grabs the person recording, aka Niki, by the arm.

‘Oh, are we going now?’ Niki asks, and the camera looks down at the floor before the video ends.]

raccoon: WHAT THE FUCK

raccoon: like pop off wilbur

raccoon: BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT TEACHER

tubbee: oh god its mister leviathan

tubbee: the notoriously ableist and transphobic fuck of our school

raccoon: oh GOD ive had him in my class before

raccoon: i didn’t know i was trans then tho

a literal angel: an update, wilbur is now talking to our headmaster and the headmaster is calling eret

tubbee: eret’s at work tho

wilby: thats what i tried to say to her

a literal angel: oh eret’s now on the phone and i can hear her shouting from here

raccoon: wait what are eret’s pronouns again?

RanbooBeloved: any of them

RanbooBeloved: they don’t really care lol

RanbooBeloved: also shouldnt you be in class?

raccoon: shouldnt YOU be in class mx

RanbooBeloved: im.

RanbooBeloved: well first of all thank you for using a gender-neutral term

RanbooBeloved: second of all i don’t mind usually male terms

RanbooBeloved: third of all i’m homeschooled

RanbooBeloved: and fourth of all i have a free period

raccoon: oh

RanbooBeloved: whats YOUR excuse mister

raccoon: (hey just to let you know that gave me a huegve gnder euphroria)

RanbooBeloved: (no problem <3)

raccoon: my excuse is this

raccoon:

RanbooBeloved: WHAT

RanbooBeloved: HOW DO YOU

RanbooBeloved: USE NOTHING BUT THE SPACES?

raccoon:

tubbee:

RanbooBeloved: NOT YOU TOO TUBBO

tubbee changed RanbooBeloved’s name to tall enby

tall enby: oh

tall enby: well if this is mine then

tall enby changed tubbee’s name to short enby

short enby: we’re divorcing

tall enby: we were married?

Chapter Text

WilburSoot à NikiNihachu

WilburSoot: you okay now?

NikiNihachu: better

NikiNihachu: curled up in blankets

NikiNihachu: eret keeps trying to forcefeed me tea

WilburSoot: wouldn’t it be forcedrink?

WilburSoot: sorry probably didn’t help

WilburSoot: hey i have a reccomendation

NikiNihachu: i’ll accept anything at this point

WilburSoot: sing ‘i am moana’ faintly under your breath

NikiNihachu: what

WilburSoot: look you know how i listen to ‘YMCA’ on repeat

NikiNihachu: yeah so that you get the happy chemical^TM from when they call you “young man”

WilburSoot: yeah well basically the same concept

WilburSoot: at the beginning of the song it says ‘i am a girl who loves the water’

NikiNihachu: you absolute genius

WilburSoot: thank you

Chapter Text

 fuck you

gay panic: just rewatched despicable me 2 and

gay panic: damn gru is a good father

raccoon: ew you like despicable me? e w

gay panic: shut the fuck up blonde p r i c k

raccoon: that hurt

raccoon: not

FunDy: no thoughts only trans margo

gay panic: RIGHT??

wilby: Gru is the most powerful being in the universe, and here’s why: according to the height of a Minion (which is 3.5 feet on average) Gru is 4 minions tall, which means he is a godly size of 14 feet tall. Second if any of you remember the original Despicable Me, you Know there is a scene when Vector kidnaps the three girls and shoots a series of heat-seeking misses at Gru, he then dodge them all. According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the size of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that the missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed. Plus after this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered, to remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine. That’s equal to the impact created by a 500-pound car crashing into a wall at 30 miles per hour. I rest my case.

king queen: what the fuck, wilbur

tubbee: i come back to THIS

wilby: aren’t you supposed to be at work eret

king queen: its my day off

king queen: arent you supposed to be at school wilbur

wilby: its Saturday you prick

king queen: i

wilby: arent you supposed to be intelligent

king queen: WOW OKAY

blood god: i just realized

blood god: is ‘prick’ gendered?

wilby: im

raccoon: I DONT THINK IT IS

blood god: YOOOOO

gay panic: its usually used for guys tho

gay panic: speaking of it’s he/him today boys

raccoon: welcome to the boy squad fellow boy

gay panic: thank you tommy

tubbee: ?!

tubbee: new member of boy?

wilby: new member of boy

blood god: what

h: jesus christ

h: i feel lonely being cis

blood: ha hetero-BITCH

h: thats it

h: i need to get another cishet. i need backup

h added GeorgeNotfound, SapnapHalo and JackManifold to the group chat

GeorgeNotfound: what

SapnapHalo: what

GeorgeNotfound: jinx

SapnapHalo: jinx

JackManifold: i hate you

h: FELLOW CISHETS

h: WELCOME TO A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

raccoon: BAAHJFAHFJA

raccoon changed the name of the groupchat to A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

GeorgeNotfound: ugh. wake me when its over

SapnapHalo: did

SapnapHalo: did you seriously think i was straight

SapnapHalo: and cis

h: .

h: well judging by that i suppose you arent

SapnapHalo: I HAVE TWO BOYFRIENDS

SapnapHalo: I AM GAY

SapnapHalo: I HAVE A TRANS BANNER IN MY ROOM

h: I THOUGHT THAT JUST MEANT YOU WERE AN ALLY

JackManifold: jesus christ i hate it here

h: SHUT

JackManifold: im going to leave

a literal angel: NOOO JACK THEN WE CAN’T BE A DUO

JackManifold: YOOO NIKI

a literal angel: JACK

JackManifold: FINE ill stay. but only for you okay

king queen: puffy…

gay panic: welp i’ll be digging a grave

tubbee: for who

CaptainPuffy à JackManifold

CaptainPuffy: for you

JackManifold: WHAT

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

SapnapHalo: well now that we’re here what are everyones pronouns

GeorgeNotfound: fuck off

SapnapHalo: fuck you

GeorgeNotfound: don’t you have two boyfriends

SapnapHalo: make one more innapropriate joke and i will punt you into the fucking sun

JackManifold: okay i’m scared

SapnapHalo: of me?

SapnapHalo: damn right of you to be

JackManifold: no of captain puffy. she scares me

gay panic: HE YOU FUCKTARD

JackManifold: i thought

JackManifold: nvm he it is then

gay panic: >:T

SapnapHalo changed their name to Sapnap

wilby changed JackManifold’s name to Jack Allyfold

Jack Allyfold: im

Jack Allyfold: what

wilby changed GeorgeNotfound’s name to sleeping cryptid

sleeping cryptid: go suck truck

sleeping cryptid: i mean

sleeping cryptid: go suck a truck

wilby: GO SUCK TRUCK IM WHEEZING

raccoon: he looks dangerously close to suffocating george what have you done

sleeping cryptid: I DIDNTD EVENE DO ANYTHING

gay panic: wait i zoned out whats happening

sleeping cryptid: PUFFY HELP

gay panic: ah hello fellow colorblind person i am captain puffy and today my pronouns are he/him

sleeping cryptid: oh cool please help me im going to die

gay panic: everyone say it with me now

gay panic: death pog

a literal angel: death pog

Jack Allyfold: death pog

wilby: death pog

raccoon: death pog

tall enby: death pog

short enby: death pog

h: death pog

blood god: death pog

Sapnap: death pog

sleeping cryptid: I HATE YOU ALL

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

gay panic: hey niki

a literal angel: whats up

gay panic: NOTHING

a literal angel: puffy are you okay? /gen

gay panic: EVERYTHING IS FINE

TheEret à CaptainPuffy

TheEret: what were you gonna do

CaptainPuffy: I WAS ABT TO SAY A PICK-UP LINE

TheEret: oh my fucking god

TheEret: at least tell me it was a good one

CaptainPuffy: IT WAS MILDLY INAPPROPRIATE

TheEret: you are actually hopeless

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

raccoon: no thoughts head hatred

short enby: you good?

raccoon: kinda?

raccoon: okay so me and niki went out right?

tall enby: yes

wilby: pleas tell me this doesn’t end in one of you commiting some sort of crime, phil would kill me

Jack Allyfold: what about niki and tommy being in prison

wilby: oh thats bad too ig

raccoon: LISTEN TO ME

raccoon: okay so we were going out and we were talking and lowkey joking abt being on opposite parts of the trans spectrum right

raccoon: trans guy trans gal ya know

raccoon: well.. we came across puffy and his brother

wilby: oh

wilby: oh that’s not good

Sapnap: who?

blood god: jschlatt

Sapnap: oh fuck not him

raccoon: well we saw that puffy looked pretty uncomfortable

raccoon: so niki asked puffy if he wanted to go play video games at her house right

raccoon: and puffy was abt to say yes when schlatt looked up from his phone

raccoon: fucking SNEERED at niki and said

raccoon: “oh that’s the [t-slur]”

blood god: let me snap his spine

blood god: please

wilby: i’m going to send him to the darkest pits of hell itself

raccoon: BUT IT GETS WORSE

Jack Allyfold: HOW

raccoon: well they started arguing and puffy was trying to diffuse the situation right?

raccoon: because they were both shouting they caught the attention of a nearby police cruiser

raccoon: asked us what was going on

raccoon: AND GUESS WHICH FUCKING SIDE THEY WERE ON

h: the cis side?

raccoon: THE CIS SIDE

wilby: i hate cis people

wilby: present company excepted

h: wait what happened to niki?

raccoon: WELL SHE’S BEING TAKEN IN BY THE POLICE AND I AM FUCKING PANICKING RN

raccoon: CAUSE THEY MIGHT FUCKING ARREST HER

wilby: OH FUCK

Jack Allyfold: WHAT THE FUCK

raccoon: oh wait eret’s just arrived!! we’re saved!!

blood god: let me send jschlatt to tartarus. please.

raccoon: o

raccoon: they let her off with a warning

raccoon: YOOO SCORE!! PUFFY IS COMING WITH US TOO BC SCHLATT SAID HE WANTED TO GO HOME

raccoon: HAHA TAKE THAT YOU FUCKING BASTARD

wilby: tommy calm

raccoon: yes wil

raccoon: op. we’re in our car. niki and puffy might need a few moments they’re both pretty shaken

wilby: understandable. send them our support!!

h: ^

Jack Allyfold: ^^

blood god: tell them schlatt’s body will be found in five days, ten hours, thirty-seven minutes and fourty-eight seconds.

tall enby: ^^^^

tall enby: also techno that’s.. awfully specific

blood god: what about it

tall enby: NOTHING

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

a literal angel: GUYS

a literal angel: HERSHEYS IS GOING AFTER FORREST TODAY

Jack Allyfold: what

wilby: WAIT FUCK IS THAT TODAY

gay panic: YES IT’S THE 17TH!

wilby: HOLY FUCK

short enby: OH YEAAAAAAA

tall enby: YES LETS GOOOOOOOOO

tall enby: TIME TO WATCH HERSHEYS MURDER A MAN

gay panic: YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAH

short enby: YEAAAAAAAAAAH

Sapnap: YOOOOOO IT’S THE SEVENTEENTH

Jack Allyfold: what is happening

Jack Allyfold: i dont understand

sleeping cryptid: me neither jack

sleeping cryptid: me neither

h: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA FORREST IS GONNA GET SLAUGHTERED

Jack Allyfold: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABT

sleeping cryptid: is anyone gonna tell us or are we just gonna have to sit here in the dark

short enby: yes <3

Chapter Text

TommyInnit created a new groupchat

TommyInnit added TubboUnderscore, WilburSoot and FunDy

TommyInnit renamed groupchat ‘transmascs unite’

TommyInnit: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

TubboUnderscore: oh god you good?

TommyInnit: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WilburSoot: do we need to hop into a call to call you by your name and pronouns

TommyInnit: yes if you wouldn’t mind

FunDy changed his name to Fundy

Fundy: that’s okay

WilburSoot started a call

[At home, Wilbur watched as he heard the soft sounds from his headphones of people joining. He smiled faintly.

“Hey, Tommy.” Wilbur started. “How you doing, Big Man?”

“Yeah! Tommy! Biggest of men.” Tubbo agreed.

“King of men.” Fundy stated.

There was a moment of silence, then there was faint crying. Wilbur immediately tensed.

“Tommy? Tommy, are you okay?” Wilbur asked. “You okay over there, Big Man?”

“Y-Yeah.” Tommy said, though he sounded unsure. He cleared his throat, and said more firmly. “Yes, I’m fine. It’s just- I took off my binder, because I remembered for once, but it just all hit me at once, and-“

“Tommy, listen to me.” Wilbur said firmly. “You are a boy. No matter what you do, you are a boy, until you say otherwise. If there is a God, he’s fucked us all over,” He laughed wryly, “But we’re here for each other. You are who you say you are, Big Man. If you’re a man, biggest of men, that’s fine.”

“And if you’re part boy, like me, that’s also fine!” Tubbo yelled.

They all laughed.

“What’s the other part, then?” Fundy asked.

There were a few moments of silence, then-

“Void.” Tubbo said simply, straight into the mic making it very, very loud. Everyone cried out, Wilbur grabbing his headset and holding it away from his ear. Even from there, he could hear Tubbo’s cackling. Considering it safe to do so, he put it back on.

“What the fuck, Tubbo?” Tommy yelled indignantly, though they could hear him laughing too. That caused another round of laughter.

After they were done, Fundy did the admittedly responsible thing, and said, “Alright, who’s still got their binder on and shouldn’t be wearing it.”

There was a pause, in which the achey feeling on Wilbur’s ribs seemed to intensify.

“Uhhhhhh.” He said, chuckling nervously.

Immediately the tone of the call changed. “Wil.”

“I’m changing, I’m changing!” Wilbur said, then turned away, laughing, even if it hurt slightly. God, he wished his friends weren’t so perceptive.

Avoiding looking at his chest, he changed out of his binder and in a very big, very loose T-Shirt.

He was due to get surgery in a few months, so hopefully this wouldn’t be as big of an issue after that.

“Alright, guys.” Wilbur told them, sitting back down.

“Aaaand he’s back!” Fundy announced, and Wilbur felt his heart leap at ‘him’, and joined them all as they laughed. “Let’s chat for a few hours, this is actually pretty fun!”

“FUCK YEAH!” Tommy shouted, and they all laughed even harder as they heard Tommy’s mum’s complaint distantly, and Tommy’s hasty apologies.

Wilbur’s smile was so wide it felt like his face was going to split, yet he didn’t mind a bit.

He was with his family.]

Chapter Text

CaptainPuffy à NikiNihachu

CaptainPuffy: hey would you wanan go on date

CaptainPuffy: in minecraft

NikiNihachu: date??

CaptainPuffy: yee

NikiNihachu: yes pls

CaptainPuffy: yay!!

NikiNihachu: wait i wanted to watch a film later

CaptainPuffy: OH easy

CaptainPuffy: ill just code a film into minecraft

NikiNihachu: wait

NikiNihachu: that’s possible?

CaptainPuffy: yup!

CaptainPuffy: what film

NikiNihachu: hmmm

NikiNihachu: harry potter n the deathly hallows

NikiNihachu: part two

CaptainPuffy: you sure??

NikiNihachu: unless you haven’t watched it

CaptainPuffy: o no ive watched all the films several times

NikiNihachu: oh okay then!! :D

CaptainPuffy: :D

CaptainPuffy à FunDy

CaptainPuffy: heeyyyy fundy

FunDy: no

CaptainPuffy: fundy pls i need your help

CaptainPuffy: pls

CaptainPuffy: pls fundy i need you

FunDy: i dont have time for this

CaptainPuffy: me and niki r going on a date

FunDY: i suddenly have the time

CaptainPuffy: and i need you to code harry potter and the deathly hallows part two into minecraft

FunDy: sigh

FunDy: fine

FunDy: by what time?

CaptainPuffy à NikiNihachu

CaptainPuffy: what time?

NikiNihachu: is tomorrow afternoon good? :D

CaptainPuffy: yep! ^-^

CaptainPuffy à FunDy

CaptainPuffy: tomorrow :D

FunDy: WHAT

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

FunDy: YALL

FunDy: AFTER AN ALL-NIGHTER AND MULTIPLE ENERGY DRINKS N CUPS OF COFFEE

FunDy: I FINALLY FUCKING DID IT

FunDy: THE TWO INSUFFERABLE LOVERS ARE HAVING A DATE

sleeping cryptid: who

wilby: FUCKING FINALLY

short enby: I WAS GETTING TIRED OF THEIR ‘UNREQUITED’ LOVE

tall enby: who are we talking abt

tall enby: oh

tall enby: OH HELL EYAH FINALLY

king queen: YEEEEEEEESSSSSS

h: how’d you set them up?

FunDy: puoffy asked me to code a film into minecraft for their date

FunDy: lo and behold.. harry potter and the deathly hallows part two is finally in minecraft

king queen: OH DAMN

king queen: THAT IS SOME KING SHIT MY DAD

short enby: FUNDY THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

wilby: that reminds me we need to change your name

FunDY: I can change it tho

wilby changed FunDy’s name to furry

furry: very original

wilby changed FunDy’s name to son

son: w

son: what

wilby: i am now your father

wilby: you want hug? me giv hug

son: youre not my dad

wilby: :O

wilby: :(

tall enby: you made him saaaad

blood god: whats happening

wilby: !! TECHNO

wilby: TELL FUNDY HE IS MY SON!!

blood god: but he’s not?

wilby: BETRAYED BY MY OWN FLESH AND BLOOD

blood god: WE’RE LITERALLY NOT RELATED???

wilby: I SHALL NEVER FORGET THIS DAY TECHNOBLADE

wilby: SOON IT SHALL COME BACK TO BITE YOU

raccoon: DON’T WORRY WIL!! HE IS MY NEPHEW

son: NO IM FUCKING NOT

son changed their name to Fundy

wilby: NOOOOOO PLS

Fundy: no

Fundy: im gonna leave

Fundy: bye yall

Fundy: bye wil

wilby: call me dad! :D

Fundy: i am not calling you that

wilby: :(

blood god: fundy.

Fundy: fine

Fundy: bye

Fundy: dad

wilby: :O :D bye son!!

Fundy: i hate it here

raccoon: at least now we’re related fundy

Fundy: .

Fundy: i hate it even more here

Chapter Text

The Syndicate

Nemesis: HUAIHFUAIHFA

Nemesis: AHDUAIIUDAIUD

Protesilaus: woah you okay there

Nemesis: NO

Nemesis: IM FHAFAFAGFUFIYAHFAUIFHAUIFNFHAOUK

Zephyrus: what heppened this time

Zephyrus: did a pretty girl wink at you

Lethe: niki aren’t you supposed to be having a date rn

Zephyrus: OOO DAM

Protesilaus: i have no care for dates but if you’re having fun then pop off

Nemesis: WELL WE *WERE* HAVING A MINECRAFT DATE

Zephyrus: MINECRAFT DATE

Zephyrus: EVEN BETTER

Zephyrus: I GOT MY WIFE THAT WAY

Nemesis: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Protesilaus: phil i think you broke her

Lethe: oh my fucking

Lethe: GUYS please just please let niki explain

Lethe: what d you mean by you WERE, niki

Nemesis: okay so we were having a mc date

Nemesis: and then completely randomly she just dm’d me saying

Nemesis: ‘i’m fucking done with these spiders zombies and villagers ruining our date’

Nemesis: ‘wanna come to mine’

Nemesis: i said yes and now im FREAKING OUT

Lethe: why

Nemesis: w

Protesilaus: i’m aroace and i felt that from here

Zephyrus: ranboo. are you sure you arent aroace cuz you give me dem vibes

Lethe: no???

Lethe: hold up i’m so confused

Nemesis: ranboo. lethe. whatever you wanna be called

Nemesis: i am goinh to a pretty gorls house

Nemesis: i have a big crush on said pretty gorl

Nemesis: i will have a DATE with pretty gorl in pretty gorls HOUSE

Lethe: oh

Lethe: OH

Lethe: BAHAHFJAHFJA YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN

Protesilaus: pfffft

Protesilaus: also yeah can’t help you there

Zephyrus: same mate

Nemesis: i hate you all

Lethe: can i be the flower

Lethe: wait is there a gender neutral term for flower boy/girl

Protesilaus: hold up

Protesilaus: im looking it up

Protesilaus: apparently it can be??

Protesilaus: "Ring bearer" is already gender-neutral at its essence, but opening up the term “flower girl” to be "flower person" or "flower pal" lets in flexibility for it to be an adult or someone that doesn’t identify as a woman or girl.

Protesilaus: that’s what google says

Zephyrus: oh that’s cool

Lethe: FLOWER PAL

Lethe: YES THAT IS WHAT I SHALL BE

Lethe: THIS IS FANTASTIC I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED THIS UNTIL NOW

Lethe: F L O W E R  P A L

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

wilby: while niki n puffy are on that adorable date, i just wanna say that ive been thinking abt opposums lately

king queen: oh dear god

wilby: what eret

wilby: whats wrong with opposums

wilby: tell me

wilby: tell me eret

Jack Allyfold: HE DIDN’T MEAN ANYTHING AGAINST IT

Jack Allyfold: HE WAS JUST NOTING THAT IT IS AN USUAL TOPIC OF CONVERSATION

wilby: hmmm

wilby: whatever

wilby: opposums are cool

short enby: bees are better

wilby: YOU W H A T

short enby: i mean. they make honey. they can sting u

short enby: the only things opposums do are eat n scream

wilby: LIKE TOMMY!!

raccoon: :(

short enby: true

raccoon: D:

short enby: but i like tommy

raccoon: :D

tall enby: GUYS

tall enby: THE GENDER NEUTRAL TERM FOR FLOWERGIRL/FLOWERBOY IS FLOWER PAL

raccoon: :O

short enby: :O

blood god: :O

blood god: that is honestly. so cute. iw ant one

tall enby: oh??

tall enby: well tubbo’s at mine so if you want a flower pal

short enby: RANBOO

short enby: I TRUSTED YOU

blood god: i shall collect the flower pal

short enby: FUCK

tall enby: he won’t hurt you

tall enby: ..i don’t think

wilby: anyways opposums are fucking brilliant

Sapnap: i disrespectfully disagree

wilby: oh?

wilby: what animal do you think is superior then?

Sapnap: red panda

wilby: .

wilby: i don’t know what that is

Sapnap: sleepymf.jpg

short enby: OH MY GOD THEYRE SO CUTE

short enby: I WANT!!

tall enby: oh god sapnap what have you done

wilby: fine. you win. red pandas are superior

wilby: i want to buy one now

Sapnap: :D

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

gay panic: guys me and niki have an announcement to make

h: oh?

a literal angel: we’re dating now!! :DDDD

wilby: FUCKING F I N A L L Y

a literal angel: SJSKLHSAJKHASKKJFA

wilby: YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING SIMP HOLY SHIT

wilby: FINALLY NO MORE PINING

a literal angel: WILBUR S TOP

raccoon: watching that was… something else

king queen: yep

king queen: as a certified gay, that was pretty gay

gay panic: i will murder you in your sleep, fucktard /pos

king queen: OKAY THEN

WilburSoot à NikiNihachu

WilburSoot: give me all the deets, nihachu

NikiNihachu: okay so i went to her house, and we both played skywars for a bit

NikiNihachu: then she just told me out of the blue ‘hey u look rlly pretty tonight’

WilburSoot: oh my god how much did you gay panic

NikiNihachu: A LOT

NikiNihachu: itS ONE THING FOR A PRETTY GIRL TO ASK ME OUT AND ANOTHER THING TO JUST SAY THAT SJSJSASAKKJaSHK

WilburSoot: hehe

NikiNihachu: and so we jsut stared into each others eyes and holy fuckig shit wil

WilburSoot: WHAT

NikiNihachu: hr eyes r so nice…

NikiNihachu: green orbs of lovelyness

WilburSoot: are you high right now

NikiNihachu: nO

NikiNihachu: ASSHOLE

WilburSoot: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT JFC

NikiNihachu: anyways wil have you changed ur binder

WilburSoot: yes

NikiNihachu: yes (no)?

WilburSoot: …yes (no)

NikiNihachu: if you don’t change your binder right fucking now i swear to god im gonna run to ur house and smack you so hard the bruise will be numb

WilburSoot: ..scary but not gonna make me do it

NikiNihachu: …

NikiNihachu: ill snap one of your guitar strings

WilburSoot: NO MY BABY

WilburSoot: FINE FINE FINE

NikiNihachu: take a photo of your binder off >:(

WilburSoot: >:(

Wilbur Soot sent a photo to NikiNihachu. It shows a binder on a bed, and in the corner you can just about see Wilbur’s legs through the mirror.

WilburSoot: is that fine

NikiNihachu: lmao yeah

NikiNihachu: im just looking out for you, wil

WilburSoot: yeah

WilburSoot: i know

Chapter Text

Wilbur was running.

Why, may you ask?

Because his mum, who had been bordeline abusive before, had found his binder.

He had walked into his room, expecting to vibe to some indie music and get in a call with his transmasc friends, but had frozen upon seeing his mother sat on his bed.

His mum had looked up and gestured down. "Sit down, Lucy."

He had internally winced at his given name and felt a pang, but didn't betray his emotions as he sat down next to his mum.

"Yeah?" He had asked.

His mum had been silent for a few seconds. "You know I love you, right, Lucy?"

"Yeah." He'd lied. He wasn't sure she loved him, but said it anyways. It was what he was supposed to say. "What's.. wrong?"

His mum had sucked in a breath, then grabbed something from the side. "Then what is this."

He blanched.

That was... That was his binder.

His mum had found his binder.

Fuck.

"It's. Uhm." Wilbur's mouth was as dry as a desert. "Uh- I- It's just, uh. A thing! For a costume!"

"Lucy." His mum had chided. "What is it, really?"

"No, really!" Please, please, please believe the lie. "You know I want to make a band, right? That's- that's a part of a costume!"

"And what costume would have you have a flat chest?" She had said gently, though he could now tell it was a facade to hide her anger. "Really, Lucy, there's no need to hide. What is it, really?"

"I-..." He had closed his eyes, and put his hands together in his lap. "It's- it's a binder. I don't- I don't like my chest. At all."

"But Lucy, you have wonderful-"

He had gotten up, just tired of everything; tired of hiding, tired of lying, tired of pretending to be someone he wasn't: Lucy.

"Mum, I'm not Lucy." He'd told her. "I'm- I'm not who you think I am. I'm... Mum," He looked up at the person who had raised him. "I'm a boy."

There was a silence, then a laugh.

"A boy? Don't be so silly, Luce-" She'd chided again, but now an edge starting to creep in her tone. "You're a girl and you know it. Now, come on, let's get rid of this silly little thing." She grabbed the binder.

"No!" He had shouted. "I'm a boy! I am! I wear boy clothes because they make me happy-"

"Then you're just a tomboy!"

"And I like going by he/him, I've tried it!" He told her. "Please, mum, I know this is hard to understand, just try. Please."

His mother's expression was inscrutable.

Then her hands clenched into fists.

"I can see those little friends of yours have finally corrupted you." She said. "I should've expected this. Should've carted them off to a mental hospital the moment they got those delusions."

"What?"

"Joseph really was a shit friend, stringing you along and making you believe this stuff." She scoffed and stepped forwards. Wilbur stepped back, despite his mounting anger. "He's delusional, just an attentions seeking brat-"

"Her name is Niki." He had glared, jumping to defend his best friend. "And the least you can do is use the right pronouns for her."

"I am using the right pronouns." His mother said firmly. "I'll beat those delusions out of you if that's what it takes."

"Mum?" He had said faintly, just before she slapped him.

It stung. Literally. Her nails raked his cheek, leaving it bleeding.

She was about to slap him again when he yelled "No!" instinctively. She stopped, just before she hit.

"No. You're right." She said.

"I am?" He asked.

"Get your stuff." She demanded, and his heart sank. This is what he had been dreading the moment the conversation entered dangerous waters. "And leave."

"What?"

"Go, you insufferable child." His mother said, and he had run into his room to grab his valuables: his guitar, beanie, a few pairs of clothes, his headphones and his phone and a bag to put it all in, then ran back out.

"Leave, you ungrateful brat." His mother seethed. "And don't come back until you get those thoughts out of your head!"

He ran out the door.

That was why he was running, with his own mother shouting at him as he ran into oblivion.

Oblivion, it turned out, looked a lot like a road.

He walked down the side of the road. He liked in a place that was basically just a town surrounded by forest, so he was pretty much at the forest.

Halfway through his walk (to where? A restaurant? A homeless shelter?), he realized he had nowhere to go.

Then he remembered he did have a place to go.

Shakily, he took out his phone and messaged Niki.

WilburSoot á NikiNihachu

WilburSoot: niki

WilburSoot: niki please help

NikiNihachu: wil?? what's wrong???

WilburSoot: my mum found out i was trans

NikiNihachu: oh

NikiNihachu: how did she react?

WilburSoot: i just got kicked out the house

NikiNihachu: oh jesus okay

NikiNihachu: um come to mine

WilburSoot: i only had two binders and i forgot the other one at home

NikiNihachu: its fine

NikiNihachu: i would say tubbo would lend you some but hes to small ssjshhshshj

NikiNihachu: wait

NikiNihachu: first time he got a binder he got one too big

NikiNihachu: could that work?

WilburSoot: maybe?

WilburSoot: ill see you in fifteen minutes

NikiNihachu: ok wil

NikiNihachu: i love you /p

WilburSoot: ily too /p

NikiNihachu: :)

WilburSoot: :)

Okay, that was done and dusted. Now to actually get to her house.

It took 10 minutes, what with him running.

Only a second after he rang the door, Niki appeared.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, then Niki walked forwards and hugged him. "Oh, Wil."

It was then that he broke.

He hugged her back, starting to cry. His best friend just rubbed circles into his back, reassuring him again and again that he was a boy.


Because he was.

He was a boy.

Chapter Text

"I'm calling a friend of mine." Niki informed him. As of now, he was sitting on her couch, drinking hot chocolate with a blanket around his shoulders. Eret was at work, and Tubbo was having a sleepover or something, so that left him and Niki alone.

He nodded at her words, but he could feel a bit of anxiousness stirring in his chest: who was this 'friend' and why was Niki calling him?

"He's called Phil, and I've known him for a while now." Niki told him. He blinked, and realized he must have said that aloud. "He's an adult, so I was wondering whether I could ask him to let you crash at his house."

"What?" He asked, sitting straight up. "But- I don't know him-"

"You'll be fine." Niki said, looking vaguely worried herself. "We just- don't have the money to keep you here. We're already pushing the budget by having Tubbo here, I'm sorry, Wil."

"It's fine." His mouth moved without his consent. "I understand."

Nobody would want him around, anyway.

There was a few moment's silence before-

"Phil?" Niki's voice cut through the silence. There was a pause, then, with relief lacing her voice, "Oh, Phil, it's good to hear from you again. Normally, I'd ask how things are going, but... I've got a bit of a situation right now." She said, glancing at Wilbur. Wilbur shrunk back a little. He had messed things up, again, just by existing. None of this would've happened if he had just hidden the binder better..

He didn't even realized he had zoned out until Niki was kneeling in front of him. "Wil?" She asked. "Your hot chocolate's cold."

"Oh." He said quietly. He hadn't known when Niki's call ended, but now she was gently taking the cold cup away from him. What a perfectly good mug of hot chocolate, wasted.

"Phil's gonna pick you up." She said, just as quietly as him.

"And he's not like, a weirdo or anything?" Wilbur asked. He knew that Niki knew that he meant he's not a kidnapper or anything, is he?

She gave a small little laugh. "No. He's- he's helped me through some tough times. Times when I was alone." She smiled at him. "I think you'll like him."

He sighed, trying to release tension from his body. Niki had been Wilbur's best friend since he was fourteen and her eleven, they knew each other pretty well at this point. If Niki said Wilbur'd like this guy- well, he started raising his expectations.

After a good few minutes of silence, there was a ring at the doorbell.

"That'll be Phil." Niki got up. Wilbur finally got the energy to move, and he also got up, determined to make a good first impression.

They walked into the other room, and Niki opened the door to reveal a man, at least a head shorter than Wilbur.

He had long-ish blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, that could be shoulder-length, a striped green bucket hat. His eyes were a light blue, as blue as the sky on a cloudless day. He had a black shirt with a weird pixelated heart on the chest, where his real heart would be.

"What the fuck." Phil said upon seeing him.

"You're, ah.." Wilbur scratched the back of his neck. "Not quite what I imagined."

"Holy, shit, my dude." Phil said, raising an eyebrow. "You're fucking massive."

"Is that a compliment?" He asked.

Phil shrugged, chuckling. "I don't know, mate. You decide. But you can decide on the way home, alright?"

"Home." He repeated, frowning. That had shifted constantly throughout the day. He was scared to see what the real definiton was.

"Yeah, mate." Phil nodded. "Let's go."

Chapter Text

tall enby: tubbo did not just get called a retard by a teacher because of his dyslexia

tall enby: i know that did not just happen

gay panic: name and FUCKING addresses

raccoon: mr leviathan

Sapnap: of fucking course. what did i expect smh

wilby: excuse me he w h a t

tall enby: tubbo was struggling to read on the page and the teacher called him a retard

h: what the actual fuck?????

wilby: i am going to commit a crime

wilby: does anybody want to egg his house with me

a literal angel: wait, fr?

a literal angel: /srs?

wilby: /srs

Sapnap: I'M IN I'M IN I'M IN

Jack Allyfold: I AM IN

a literal angel: FUCK YEAH I'M IN

gay panic: i've been waiting for this moment all my life.

blood god: i too am in. can i throw a potato as well

wilby: feel free. we ride at dawn

wilby: and by dawn i mean 10PM. does that work for everybody?

a literal angel: yep!

Sapnap: fine with me

Sapnap: my bfs are coming tho. they've been waiting for so long to do this

wilby: the more the merrier

king queen: sorry i'm late, i'm in as well

a literal angel: ERETTT!!! :D

king queen: hi!! :D

gay panic: i'm deffo in >:)

gay panic: i wanna egg my house too

h: i'm in as well but also puffy why???

gay panic: because that's also my brother's house :)

wilby: why would u want to egg ur brother's h

wilby: ohhhhh

wilby: sorry i forgot

gay panic: i envy u

gay panic: OH before i forget i realized i'm not genderfluid, just bigender lol

gay panic: new pronouns are she/he. don't really care which u use as long as u use em

a literal angel: respect the trans or catch these hands

gay panic: ty my love <3

a literal angel: my love <3

blood god: that's sweet and all but i don't understand. so we're all in

sleeping cryptid: yeah. im gonna sleep now bye

Sapnap: annnnd there he goes

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

Sapnap: SHSJSJHSJ

Sapnap: IM DDYRYRING RN

wilby: ??

wilby: what's wrong

Sapnap: having an acespec boyfriend is so funny. especially considering my other boyfriend makes sex jokes a lot

Sapnap: we were watching twilight

gay panic: why in the fuck were you watching TWILIGHT

Sapnap: QUACKITY WANTED TO SEE HOW BAD IT REALLY WAS. I WAS CURIOUS TOO AND KARL JUST CAME OVER AS WELL

gay panic: smh twilight sucks ASS and we all know it

Sapnap: yeah it fucking sucks dude

Sapnap: but anyway a sex scene came on

Sapnap: and karl (the acespec) said in the most horrified whisper ever

Sapnap: "they do that because they WANT to???"

blood god: relatable

a literal angel: HsjSJSHS

Sapnap: and i was like "yeah that's kinda the whole point of it lol"

Sapnap: and he looked even more horrified and said "THEY DON'T DO IT AS A JOKE????"

gay panic: oh god that sounds wrong

Sapnap: quackity thought so too but then karl clarified that he thought people only did it as a joke because quackity only made jokes about it

son: my fucking god

son: i love acespecs

tall enby: speaking of i think i'm aroace lol

raccoon: yeah i think i am too

blood god: YOOOOOO

blood god: TWO IN ONE

blood god: welcome to the aroace squad my friends

blood god: we just eat potatoes here

raccoon: nice

short enby: yooo congrats guys

a literal angel: tubbo!!! are u ok?

short enby: y woodnt i be

a literal angel: ur dyslexia gets worse when you're upset, are you okay?

short enby: im fine

tall enby: we're gonna egg mr leviathan's house

short enby: oh

short enby: con i jain

tall enby: ??

wilby: he said 'can i join'

wilby: which YES you DEFINITELY can tubbo!!

short enby: FUKC YES

TubboUnderscore à NikiNihachu

TubboUnderscore: niki

NikiNihachu: yes tubbo?

TubboUnderscore: can i be in yorew room toniht

NikiNihachu: ofc tubbo

NikiNihachu: you wanna watch netflix?

TubboUnderscore: yes pls

NikiNihachu: okay. ily tubbo

TubboUnderscore: ily 2 niki

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

a literal angel: imagine being neurotypical LMAO

gay panic: nts suck lets goooooo

tall enby: imagine being okay lol

wilby: imagine not being kicked out your house cause you're trans lololol

short enby: imagine having to not worry about ableism lmaooooooo

blood god: this is getting steadily more worrying

gay panic: imagine having to protect yourself from your drunk older brother XD

tall enby: i.

tall enby: are you guys okay.

king queen: imagine being the older sibling but your parents suck so you have to pay for everything yourself

sleeping cryptid: you all need therapy

h: desperately

a literal angel: yeah no SHIT

Sapnap: don't we all

Jack Allyfold: my fucking God. These Bitches Traumatized. bad for them, bad for them

wilby: lmao jack

wilby: ANWAYSY

wilby: the egging went quite well

gay panic: oh yeah schlatt was pissed as all hell

a literal angel: he didn't hit you over it, right??

gay panic: .

gay panic: well anyways-

a literal angel: HE DIDN'T

gay panic: ALRIGHT MAYBE HE SLAPPED ME BUT THAT WAS IT

a literal angel: im going to kill him

a literal angel: eret you have a gun right

king queen: i'm not answering that for legal reasons

a literal angel: LET ME USE IT TO KILL SCHLATT

king queen: IM NOT LETTING YOU GET ARRESTED

a literal angel: >:((((

short enby: baby rage

a literal angel: I AM LITERALLY OLDER THAN YOU????

short enby: doesnt change you being a baby

a literal angel: i fuCKING SAW YOU BORN MF

tall enby: neat

short enby: ranboo defend me

tall enby: no <3

h: hsHJSHSJSHHS

h: you're all feral in this groupchat. All Of You

h: also i have recently been questioning and i'm wondering whether i'm not as hetero as i thought

gay panic: #HBombRedemptionArcLetsGooo

h: shHJSHJSHJ

sleeping cryptid: i hope y'all know this is the strangest gc i have EVER been in

sleeping cryptid: and i'm in a gc with dream and sapnap

Sapnap: OOOO thats right i forgot!!! can we invite dream and my boyfriends

wilby: we're Going to tease the shit out of you,

Sapnap: i know but itll be worth it

raccoon: just got up

raccoon: *vine voice* WASSUP FUCKERS

wilby: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY PHONE

raccoon: FUCK YOU THATS WHY

raccoon: also yea sapnap go ahead

Sapnap invited KarlJacobs, QuackityEichcue and DreamWasTaken

KarlJacobs: hello! :D

QuackityEichcue: is this the gc ive been told about

Sapnap: yeah besties

a literal angel: besties? /q

Sapnap: we call each other besties but in a /r way

Sapnap: dont we besties

QuackityEichcue: sure grandma lets get you back to bed

Sapnap: s

Sapnap: SHUDDUP

KarlJacobs: hi! im karl! my pronouns are he/him, they/them and e/em

QuackityEichue: o yeah

QuackityEichcue: im quackity, yo mama, and my pronouns are they/them but i dont mind male terms (no female terms tho)

a literal angel: she/her :>

gay panic: she/he

short enby: he/they

tall enby: they/them, male terms are good

h: he/him

Fundy: he/him

blood god: ve/ver and xe/xir

DreamWasTaken: thats cool!

DreamWasTaken: wait can we change names

DreamWasTaken changed their name to blob

blob: yey

blob: also he/him

QuackityAichcue changed their name to peace was never an option

peace was never an option changed their name to homo

homo: my other name was too long

KarlJacobs changed his name to wibbly wobbly timey wimey

a literal angel: DOCTOR WHO REFERENCE???

wibbly wobbly timey wimey: DOCTOR WHO REFERENCE!!

a literal angel: AYEEE

gay panic: >:(

wilby: relax puffy, he wasnt flirting

wibbly wobbly timey wimey: what

gay panic: > : (

blood god: fellas, if your girl is 5'2, sends ominous threats to people and is nikis gf, thats not your girl, that's captain puffy!

gay panic: shuddit technoblade

gay panic: i know ur secret

blood god: what

blood god: WAIT WHAT SECRET

gay panic: ;)

blood god: I DONT REMEMBER WHICH SECRET

blood god: ADHD MADE ME FORGET

gay panic: HAHA I HAVE LEVERAGE NOW

gay panic: SUCKER

blood god: NO THIS ISNT FUNNY IM GENUINELY ANXIOUS JUST TELL ME IN DMS WHICH ONE IT IS

gay panic: k

a literal angel: *points* siblings

gay panic: no we r fucking not

blood god: ew

a literal angel: im just sayin

wilby: how is everyone doing

Fundy: dysphoria sucks <3

wilby: bro

wilby: :(

homo: beat the dysphoria's ASS

homo: u OWN that bitch baby

homo: make sure that dysphoria knows u are the coolest man to EXIST and it should NOT HAVE MESSED W YOU

Fundy: .

Fundy: That. Strangely made me feel Better

Fundy: thanks quackity

homo: call me big d

homo: wait

Fundy: no i will not call you that

homo: meant big q, sorry abt that

homo changed their name to Big Q

Big Q: better :)

blob: how many of u are queer?

sleeping cryptid: all of us

h: wait

h: wait gogy arent you straight

sleeping cryptid: wtf no

h: YOU LIED TO ME

sleeping cryptid: cool

h: HOW COULD YOU GOGY

h: I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING

sleeping cryptid: yep

h: you dont care do you

sleeping cryptid: nope

sleeping cryptid: im going back to bed. Bye

Sapnap: THERE HE GOES

blob: IT TOOK A TOTAL OF THREE MINUTES

blob: his new personal best tbh

blob: anyways im queer too

wilby: oh we been knew

wilby: wanna go on a date to applebees

blob: .

blob: what the fuck. sure

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

wilby: so,

blob: me and wilbur went on a date

gay panic: we know

Jack Allyfold: you kinda bragged abt it ngl

wilby: shut up

wilby: anyways. It was terrible

blob: yh we're at war now

a literal angel: lovers to enemies

wilby: NO

gay panic: SO TRUE BB <3

blood god: i'm on wolburs side

wilby: wolbur

gay panic: wolbur

blob: wolbur

short enby: wolbur

king queen: wolbur

raccoon: wolbur

tall enby: wolbur

h: wolbur

Sapnap: wolbur

homo: wolbur

wibbly wobbly timey wimey: wolbur

blood god: im blocking you all

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

homo: no idea what HD is but ive got 80 of them

Sapnap: SAME

blob: same bro

blood god: same bro thats wiiild

a literal angel: so i had a meltdown,

gay panic: who hurt you

a literal angel: homework

gay panic: im boutta beat up your homework babe

a literal angel: aw babe <3

gay panic: <3

king queen: and they were ROOMMATES

Fundy: oh my god they were roommates

king queen: anyways niki, do u need anything???

a literal angel: eret

a literal angel: ur at work

king queen: that wont stop me

a literal angel: ERET NO

short enby: our sibling is FERAL and xe is NOT HOLDING BACK

king queen: <3

gay panic: i could come over niki

gay panic: if you'd like???

a literal angel: yes pls :]

raccoon: im coming over anyways, me mum has these really nice weighted blankets

a literal angel: omg that would be great

short enby: we could sit in the sun for a while on the balcony

short enby: that always calms me down

wilby: phil says he could come over to make hot chocolate or smt

wilby: as we only live a few blocks away

Jack Allyfold: ???

Jack Allyfold: whos phil??

a literal angel: oh yeah i forgot to tell yall

wilby: i got kicked out but nikis family friend helped me out :)

a literal angel: yeah that

raccoon: WIL

raccoon: WHY DIDNT U TELL MEEEE

raccoon: my parents would have been happy to help u

wilby: I PANICKED OK

wilby: also phil has enough money to have me long-term

wilby: as great as your parents are, they arent loaded

wilby: and also phil's really supportive

raccoon: hmnmnhgh okay but if he's mean you tell me and we egg his house

wilby: deal

king queen: hes a good guy

king queen: he's given me money to look after niki and tubbo sometimes

short enby: plus he makes sure we dont like. starve

a literal angel: yeah hes great !! :)

wilby: yeah he's really nice

wilby: wait

wilby: nvm

short enby: ?

wilby: his ambition is to be a professional horse rider

wilby: get me out of here /j

king queen: BAHAHJAHJ

king queen: I FORGOR ABT THAT

a literal angel: forgor

gay panic: they forgor💀

king queen: they did forgor

wibbly wobbly timey wimey: this groupchat is weird as shit

wibbly wobbly timey wimey: i love it here <3

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

homo: FUCK school

homo: all my homies HATE SCHOOL

Sapnap: ?? whats wrong q

homo: i have five exams in FIVE DAYS. FIVE FRICKIN EXAMS

homo: AND I JUDT DONT KNOW HOW TO DO ONE OF THEM

homo: FUCK THE TEACHERS

blood god: quackity

blood god: are you by any chance… neurodivergent

homo: o yeah

blood god: then YEAH THE SCHOOL SYSTEM FUCKS US OVER

blood god: FUCK SCHOOL

homo: FUCK SCHOOL

king queen: F U C K SCHOOL

a literal angel: FUCK SCHOOL

a literal angel: also i have the same exams as u big q

homo: huh??

a literal angel: wait

a literal angel: R U IN CLASS 2BA-1

homo: YEAH

homo: WHY

a literal angel: OH DDAHJJAHFAHJ

a literal angel: WE'RE IN THE SAME CLASS

homo: AYEEEE

a literal angel: we're besties now

a literal angel: sorry wil </3

wilby: </3

wilby: heart been broke so many times

homo: suck it wil me and niki are besties now

a literal angel: suck it musician boiiii

wilby: theres only one thing ill be sucking and it aint defeat

short enby: WISKSAFAHFJAFHFA

gay panic: HELLO???

king queen: CURSED CURSED CURSED CURSED

tall enby: uhhhhh

raccoon: WILBYR WHY

wilby: I WAS TALKING ABT ICE-CREAM

wilby: PFHIL GOT ME ICECREAM

wilby: JESUS CHRIST YALL

raccoon: oh

wilby: nOW whos got the dirty mind HUH

homo: i feel like i had an aneurysm reading this

homo: and i dont even know what an aneurysm is

a literal angel: dont worry you get used to it

wibbly wobbly timey wimey: what the honk happened here

Chapter Text

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

raccoon: do you ever just hngh when the when on the how

h: what

gay panic: so true

a literal angel: mood

wibbly wobbly timey wimey: what

wilby: often enough

blood god: what

short enby: just yesterday yeah

tall enby: are any of you okay

homo: nope!

homo changed his name to Big Q

Big Q: better

tall enby: okay

tall enby: wiait aimsey is trying to steal my phone

gay panic: who?

short enby: uh oh

tall enby: IVE SUCCEEDED

tall enby: anyways im not here to cause any trouble to anyone but tubbo

short enby: UH OH

tall enby: WHY IN THE HELL DID YOU KILL ME

Big Q: WAIT WHAT

Sapnap: TUBBO TEA SPILLT ??

short enby: CAN WE NOT TALK ABOUT THIS NOW

tall enby: NO U BEEN AVOIDING ME

tall enby: TELL ME WHY THE HELL YOU KILLED ME

a literal angel: hi aimsey!

tall enby: oh hi niki

short enby: how did you know thats niki

tall enby: .

tall enby: who else is going to be called 'a literal angel'

raccoon: thats fair

raccoon: but wtf happened

tall enby: TUBBO KILLED ME

short enby: LISTEN

tall enby: WITH NO REMORSE

short enby: *LISTEN*

tall enby: THEY CALLED ME AN ANGEL OF DEATH

short enby: SHSUSHUSHSUSHH

tall enby: THEY MURDERED ME IN COLD BLOOD AND STOLE ALL MY STUFF

short enby: IN MY DEFENSE IT WAS FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES

raccoon: that is pretty shit of you tubso

wilby: bastardly so

wibbly wobbly timey wimey: what stuff did you have

blob: how much xp did you have

tall enby: IT WASNT IN A VIDEO GAME

gay panic: ...

gay panic: what

blob: wAIT WHAT

wilby: DID YOU MURDER SOMEONE TUBBO??

tall enby: wait nO THEY DIDNT MURDER ME IRL

tall enby: JEEESUS YOU GUYS ARE MORBID

a literal angel: HOW ELSE ARE WE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT???

short enby: yeah the phrasing was a little sus aimsey

tall enby: it was in a school computer

short enby: ohhh

short enby: that

tall enby: WHAT DO YOU MEA 'OHHHH THAT'

gay panic: SHJHSHSHJSJ

tall enby: HE CALLED ME AN ANGEL OF DEATH BECAUSE OF A MC SERVER I USED TO BE IN THEN WHILE I WAS IN THE BATHROOM HE FUCKING STOLE ALL MY PROGRESS AND DELETED IT

tall enby: THERE WAS TWO HOURS WORTH OF SCHOOL STUFF THERE TUBBO

short enby: I HAVE THE DOC

short enby: I CAN PRINT THE THINGY AND GIVE IT TO U

tall enby: YOU BETTER

tall enby: oh and i'm back

blob: that was only mildly terrifying

blood god: they were a riot

tall enby: he's usually nicer i promise

Big Q: go print it tubbo. Print the thing. you heard the man. Print it. Print it now. Are you scared? little angel of death?? harbringer of chaos?? deleter of school documents? are you scared tubbo underscore nihachu???

short enby: LEAVE ME ALOOOOONE

A VERY GAY GROUPCHAT

king queen: can someone tell me why i just saw tubbo run in my office, say absolutely NOTHING to me while printing something out, the sprint back out my office