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They lay in bed, both tired and feeling lazy together, but enjoying their togetherness in a way that made them not want to go to sleep yet. This kind of being together was still fairly new, but just old enough now to be comfortable. Or at least, beginning to be comfortable. It came more easily to Castiel, who felt easier in his own skin. Which was all kinds of ironic, since it had been a borrowed skin to begin with. But his big adjustment had been to the inhabiting of a human form. He had never felt any shame or regret about his gender or his sexual or romantic feelings towards other particular genders. Dean’s struggles with his feelings about desire and affection and masculinity were fresher. It took losing Cas to the Empty for Dean to finally realize that life was indeed too short. It took hearing Castiel’s brave confession for Dean to feel safe enough to allow his own vulnerability to surface. He didn’t have to fear that his feelings wouldn’t be reciprocated. So in essence, he was a coward. But a now more contented coward that was lying here in bed with a man that loved him and whom he loved. And a coward that was at long last working through some of his shit. So he gave himself a little credit for that. If it took Castiel sacrificing himself and then resurrecting out of the Empty to pull Dean off of a nail in a barn where he hung like some kind of fucked up Jesus on a wooden cross, then so be it. With everything else they had gone through in the past few years, that maybe wasn’t even the weirdest thing that had happened to them.
They had been lying in bed and listening to Zeppelin, but then the playlist switched up and Debbie Harry’s raspy voice filtered through. Dean’s head was propped up on his pillow, and Cas rested his chin on top of Dean’s shoulder, eyes softly closed and arm wrapped around Dean’s chest. It was late at night and they should probably snuggle on down under the sheets properly, but the music was so mellow and the mood so chill that they lingered awake. Dean’s skin gleamed golden under the light of the bedside lamp. Cas’ thumb stroked against it languidly.
“Heya Cas,” Dean said softly.
“Yeah?” Cas replied. He slurred a bit in that almost asleep way.
“That last case we worked, with that asshole ghost in that church…..”
“Yeah?” Cas prompted.
“What was all that stuff they were talking about in the sermon when we got there, with the flying? Was that for real?”
Cas sat up and looked at Dean, tilting his head. Thinking. Then his face cleared. “Oh, you mean that stuff about the rapture? The reading from Thessalonians?”
“Yeah, I guess. The part about people flying up into the sky? What the hell was that all about?”
Cas chuckled quietly. “Paul had some rather INTERESTING ideas about the end of the world.”
“Paul? As in, like, the Apostle Paul?” Dean asked, sitting up straighter.
“Yes, as in THE Apostle Paul. People forget that Paul was a human, the same as they are. Humans get so caught up in the minutia of that particular book, the Bible, which is really just a collection of very old writings and letters that have been translated and rewritten over and over again. By other humans. The idea that every single thing in the Bible is THE word of God is kinda weird. And pretty convenient for the authors, I think.”
Dean grunted, thinking. “And the flying up into the sky part? Do people believe that happened?”
“Some people believe it WILL happen. They believe that Jesus will one day return to Earth, and that the “true” (Cas OF COURSE did the finger quotes) Christians will magically rise up into the air, to meet Jesus in the sky. Or so says Paul in his letter to the Thessalonians. At least in one translation of that letter.”
Dean leaned back against the headboard, considering. “Huh.”
“Christians call the rising of the people into the sky to meet Jesus “the Rapture.” Paul said that the dead people will go up first.”
“Dead people? Like zombies? Ewwww.”
Cas shrugged, smiling. “I guess? Who knows. Humans are kind of obsessed with zombies, aren’t they? Dead people coming back to life. Although of course, I guess we’re ones to talk.”
Dean laughed at that and pulled Cas back down to his chest affectionately, kissing the top of his head.
“Yeah I guess you got me there, Cas. You and I have been resurrected more than a few times now. Who am I to judge freaking zombies flying up into the sky to meet the son of God? Maybe Paul was right.”
“Paul had some odd ideas, as I recall. I don’t really understand why so many people rushed to take his ideas as THE truth about God. But humans are a funny animal.”
“Yeah, that’s for damn sure,” Dean agreed. “So no rapture then, ya think?”
“Well not like Paul described it. There IS rapture to be sure, but Paul was very confused about the whole thing.”
Dean pulled back a little bit, to look Cas in the face again. His eyes were just so blue, and his skin crinkled a bit at the sides, as he thought of the amusing apostle Paul and his wacky ideas. Dean wanted to smoosh his face against that face, but he waited patiently for Cas to finish talking.
“Paul was obsessed with this idea that divine love was only a thing SOME people could have. He thought it would be best if people could somehow abstain from committing to each other or engaging in sexual relations, because, he said, those things distracted humans from God. So his only conception of love and ecstasy, or rapture, was to ACTUALLY fly up into the sky to be with God, AWAY from Earth altogether. As if God isn’t down here with us, in us. In everything. As if we have to ABANDON each other and our physical bodies to experience true love. Sad really, because the opposite is true.”
“Oh yeah?” asked Dean.
“Yeah. Some people believe you even leave your clothes behind when you’re raptured. Others believe you leave your whole body behind.”
“A bunch of naked dudes up in the sky? Really? Sounds kinky.”
“Ha! I think it’s the OPPOSITE of kinky. I’ve always thought that particular theory was rather miserable…. the idea that only a few people are deserving of love and that we have to leave any feelings of physical intimacy between each other behind to be worthy of love. Humans can be such prudes sometimes.”
Dean laughed out loud at that. An angel calling humans prudish. What even was his life???
“So you said the opposite is true. What’s that? Tell me, oh wise angel of the Lord. I never even considered roleplaying “hot Sunday School teacher” like this with you, Cas.” Dean winked.
Castiel looked at him fully in the face and held the look for a moment, breathlessly. He cocked an eyebrow up at Dean. Dean felt heat suddenly bubble up, low in his belly. Oh shit. He knew that look. Something was about to happen.
“Let me show you. What it is to be raptured.”
Dean gulped. “Um, ok. Go easy on me. It’s my first time.” He chuckled a little with the joke, but Cas just continued to stare at him intensely. Dean felt both exhilarated and nervous. What the hell was Cas gonna do to him?
Castiel stood up from the bed abruptly and began walking around the room, rummaging around their things. He continued to talk as he rummaged.
“Paul had it all wrong. God isn’t up in the sky. He’s here, with us. He’s everywhere. And we don’t have to leave each other or deny ourselves to be loved. We’re deserving of love just as we are. We CAN experience true love, as pure as any love, down here on Earth.”
Castiel turned back to the bed, dropping a length of rope and a bottle of lube down on the bed. Dean’s jaw dropped.
“And I suppose that whole thing about leaving our bodies behind is wrong too?” Dean asked.
Cas leaned down over Dean’s body, meeting him at eye level. “Oh you’re going to feel like you’ve left your body, Dean. I promise you that.”
Dean’s teeth clicked back together.
“What uh….. what’s with the rope?” Dean asked nervously.
“You sound just like Paul, going all puritan on me, Dean. We’ve used rope before. Why so squeamish all of a sudden?”
“I’m not squeamish!” Dean argued. “Don’t compare me to the apostles! I’m insulted.”
Castiel snickered, and then stood at the end of the bed. Dean thought that he looked like the cat that got the cream, standing there in his boxers, chest glistening in the heat of the room. Without warning, Cas grabbed Dean by the ankles and pulled him down the bed, laying him out flat on his back. Dean grunted in surprise.
“Dean Winchester, do you trust me?” Cas asked seriously.
“Yes,” Dean replied, just as seriously.
“What do you say if you want me to stop?” Cas asked.
“Stop,” Dean replied. They weren’t fancy.
Castiel nodded, and then picked up the rope, winding it around his hands. It was white and silken soft.
“I know you, Dean. I know you get lost in your own head. You question yourself and you question your worthiness and you question if this is ok, and you miss out on the joy that is just the experience of having a human body. The experience of sharing your body with someone who loves you. With someone who desires you.”
“Yeah, ok. Fair,” Dean conceded. He knew he still struggled with letting himself be vulnerable, and letting himself be vulnerable with a man. Even a man that was also a supernatural being from Heaven.
“I have found that restraining you, which we started just as “kinky fun” as you put it, helps you to relax. Helps you to just feel what is happening. You worry less about where your hands should go or what you’re supposed to do or how your body is responding. Is that correct?”
Dean felt a little sheepish at the accuracy of Cas’ observations about him. He also felt a little spied on. But he knew that Castiel didn’t ACTUALLY spy on him. Cas would never peek into his head without permission. Cas just knew him very, very well. Like a best friend would. Like an attentive lover would. Dean nodded.
“And…” Cas suddenly jumped up onto the bed, crawling up Dean’s body to straddle his hips. “I want to make you FLY, Dean.” Holy shit. Dean gulped. He was so thoroughly fucked.
Cas ground his hips down onto Dean’s, and Dean groaned without intending to. He couldn’t help it. Cas licked his lips, and then gently took both of Dean’s hands, guiding his arms up above his head. Cas’ chest hovered above Dean’s face as Cas began tying Dean’s wrists together and then to the headboard, but Cas kept his body just out of reach of Dean’s mouth. Dean sighed, both delighted and frustrated. Cas smiled, knowing full well what he was doing. He rolled his hips as he tied the rope, giving them both just enough friction to tease at more. Dean raised his head to try and get at Cas, and then dropped it back again impatiently. Cas cinched the rope tight and Dean groaned, relishing the burn. “Oh hell yeah,” Dean whispered.
“Shhhhh….” Cas whispered, placing his finger against Dean’s mouth. He left it there, waiting until Dean opened up to him. Cas slipped his finger inside, resting it solidly against Dean’s tongue in that way that he knew Dean liked. Dean closed his eyes and his lips, suckling at Cas’ fingertip. Dean sighed in pleasure and his hips began to undulate beneath Cas’ body. Cas wasn’t sure that Dean was even aware he was doing that. He could tell that Dean was starting to slip under, into that space that let his brain be quiet and let him be free. The place where Cas could show him what rapture was really like. Dean’s shoulders raised up off of the bed and he pulled against the rope, feeling that he was held now. Secure. He didn’t have to decide if this was ok or not any longer. He could just submit. He could just float. Cas smiled down at his love adoringly, feeling a bursting sensation in his heart at the sight of the blissed out expression on Dean’s face. This was HIS ecstasy, giving this to Dean. He continued to stroke Dean’s tongue with one finger, and curled his thumb under Dean’s chin, moving his face to the side. He could feel Dean’s cock hardening in response to the manhandling of his face and his body. He leaned down and licked a stripe up Dean’s neck, biting softly at the vein that throbbed just beneath the skin. He shimmied back down Dean’s body, licking and biting down his neck and chest, lifting Dean’s chin up roughly with his thumb to expose more skin. The suction in Dean’s mouth was delicious. Castiel shivered, biting at the taut expanse of Dean’s sides and ribs. Cas licked teasingly at a nipple, just barely wetting it, and Dean lifted up as far as he could to chase the sensation. Cas sucked the nipple into his mouth, biting softly and insistently. Dean bent his knees up into the air, trapping Cas solidly between his thighs. They were both rutting against each other now, all heat and rubbing cloth and slick skin. Cas teased at the other nipple, sucking at it tenderly. Dean moaned and bit down softly at the finger in his mouth.
Finally, after spending enough time on Dean’s chest that both nipples were wet and irritated and bite marks stood out against his skin, Cas retrieved his finger from Dean’s mouth and sat up, pulling Dean’s boxers down and off his body. Cas quickly discarded his own boxers as well, and then sat back on his heels for a moment, enjoying the picture laid out before him. Dean was openly panting now, his head tilted back and eyes closed, his arms straining at the ropes. His skin glowed as he writhed on top of the sheets, unable to stay still.
“Cas,” he whispered. “Castiel.”
Cas laid his hand against Dean’s thigh, grounding him.
“I’m right here, Dean. Open your eyes.”
Castiel never faulted him for keeping his eyes closed. Sometimes he even blindfolded Dean, to help him relax even further. He knew Dean still felt kinda shaky about openly lusting after a man’s body. He knew that Dean himself knew that there was nothing wrong with it, his desire to look upon and touch another’s body, but that the feelings wired into his brain from years of toxic social norms took a while to lose their grip. It was like an exorcism of sorts.
But Dean trusted him. He opened his eyes. Deep green met bright blue. Dean could be brave. He could keep his eyes open. For a little while, at least. Cas took it for the gift that it was. He petted his hands up the inside of Dean’s thighs, lightly brushing one hand over Dean’s cock, caressing him. Dean kept his eyes open. Cas ghosted his hand down over Dean’s balls, continuing down to rub his knuckles against the skin right behind them. Dean’s breath hitched. But he kept his eyes open. Cas continued lightly, maddeningly, caressing him. Dean’s chest was heaving now, the muscles in his arms bunched together under his skin, his whole body rippling in tension.
“You’re beautiful,” Cas said, breaking the silence. “You’re bright and beautiful, and so brave.” Dean finally closed his eyes, unable to keep them open in the face of such inexorable praise. Castiel let him. Dean let his head fall back, his mouth falling open as he pushed his hips up to meet Cas’ touch, uncaring now what he looked like or what he was supposed to do, just chasing the high.
Cas leaned down and nuzzled into Dean, rubbing his cheek against the silken skin of Dean’s cock, enjoying the soft slide of it, knowing that his stubble would burn in just the right way. He loved the feel of the hardness of Dean, strong and throbbing, encased in the silky smooth skin that was just starting to slick up.
“Paul was wrong,” Cas continued.
Dean’s eyes flew open. “Oh my god, Cas, you’re still talking about the damn apostles???”
“Don’t make me get out the ball gag,” Cas admonished. Dean smirked and shut his mouth, looking down his body affectionately at his dorky little angel. His dirty talk could use a little work, but Dean knew he could perform miracles with that tongue, so he let him continue.
“Alright theologian Castiel, please continue.”
“Lift your legs at the knee and put your feet in the air, Dean.”
“What?!?!?! I can’t hold my knees with my hands tied like this.”
“FEET IN THE AIR, DEAN. KNEES BENT.”
Dean hurried to obey, finally shutting his big mouth.
Castiel suddenly smacked Dean across his ass, two slaps in quick succession on each cheek, leaving red handprints. Dean grunted, but said nothing. He pulled at the ropes and bit his lip, enjoying the heat in his body.
“Paul was wrong,” Cas continued calmly, as if nothing had happened. “We don’t need to shed our bodies to experience rapture. We only need to shed our fears and our anxieties. Our earthly inhibitions. We only need to love ourselves enough to let us BE ourselves. To allow ourselves to ask for what we want. To let ourselves be loved for who we are. Say yes if you understand, Dean.”
Dean didn’t shy away this time. His eyes locked with Cas’. “Yes, Castiel,” he said quietly but firmly.
Cas leaned up over Dean’s body, between his legs, and opened Dean’s mouth with his own. Cas’ hands cradled Dean’s face, holding him still, while his tongue did what it wanted to. And Dean let him. He moaned into Cas’ mouth, loving the feeling of being taken so completely. Cas plundered and explored Dean’s mouth until Dean needed to come up for a breath. Cas pulled back, biting down on Dean’s lower lip. He sat up a bit, eyes fiery blue and staring straight into Dean’s soul.
“Are you paying attention now, Dean Winchester?” Cas said almost menacingly, openly smirking. Dean’s eyes grew into saucers, feeling suddenly like prey caught in a spider’s web. But he kept his eyes open and his legs up, though his legs were starting to shake at this point. He nodded.
“Good,” Cas answered.
Then without another word, he leaned down and licked into Dean’s hole. A groan punched out of Dean, it was so unexpected. He had never let himself be this vulnerable with anyone before. Cas’ tongue was relentless and firm, claiming him. He licked over his hole unceasingly, giving no pause for Dean to catch his breath. He speared him open on his tongue, fucking into him with it. Dean could feel tears on his cheeks, and he didn’t even care. He began to fly.
Cas licked up, sucking each ball into his mouth gently, moving up and suckling at the head of Dean’s cock, before finally taking all of it into his mouth, until Cas’ lips were buried in Dean’s hair. He swallowed around Dean’s length, and Dean’s hips bucked up involuntarily, the ropes holding him securely so that Dean was safe to feel everything. The buzzing pressure mounted deep in his belly. His legs were shaking badly now, and Cas gently pushed Dean’s feet back down onto the bed, all the while sucking Dean down into his mouth, hot and slick and tight.
“Oh god, that mouth, Cas. You feel so good.”
Cas knew that Dean was losing his inhibitions if he was starting to verbalize. Like the eye contact, it didn’t come easy to him. Not with Cas, at least. Not with another man. Not while he was being touched like this. Cas bobbed his head a few times, letting Dean feel the soft, hot suction of his mouth.
Finally, Cas stilled. He kept Dean’s cock in his mouth, gently and lovingly, just sucking tenderly but not wanting to tip him over the edge. Closing his eyes, Cas summoned up his grace, placing a finger softly against Dean’s hole, just dipping the tip inside Dean’s body. He concentrated his grace, just a bit, into his lover, sending it to thrum up against all the walls inside of Dean, the walls of his body and the walls he had built up inside of his head. Dean gasped and jerked, feeling the new sensation curling like tendrils of a vine inside of him.
Cas hummed, continuing to suck gently on Dean’s cock, sending his grace inside of Dean, rubbing his other hand comfortingly along Dean’s thigh and up onto his stomach, calming him. Helping him to relax and accept the sensation.
“Oh, Cas,” Dean sighed. He drifted easily now, sinking into the bed, sinking away. The angelic grace built inside of him, reaching out into his limbs, pulsing softly like a ripple through his whole body. Castiel could feel it, could feel the inside of Dean, the pleasure holding him and releasing within him, like waves on the hot sand. Cas sat up quietly, watching Dean’s face twitch in ecstasy, feeling the thrumming of their connection inside of his own body. Flipping open the bottle of lube, Cas quickly slicked up his own cock and, lining himself up with Dean, pushed in slow and steady, into where his grace had already opened Dean’s body to him. He could feel both the grace connected to Dean’s soul and the connection of their flesh as he continued to push inside of Dean. Dean groaned and panted, completely unselfconsiously, completely lost to anything but the feeling of it all. Both of their eyes were closed in concentration, both lost in sensation, feeling the electricity against their skin, both outside and in.
Castiel bottomed out, and they both opened their eyes. Their eyes burned blue with grace, together.
Cas bent down to kiss Dean, rocking into him gently and persistently, pulsing his grace into him, getting high himself off of the contact. He held Dean’s face with his hands, his tongue inside of Dean, his cock inside of Dean, filling him completely with adoration and his desire for him. Words had ceased. There was only their flesh meeting, skin against skin, grace against soul, and the intertwining of the two of them. Cas could tell that Dean was floating high up into subspace where he could only feel the sensations in his body, free to feel safe and loved and cherished. Cas felt himself fly up too, into a slow, steady pulse of energy that reminded him of what it felt like when the universe was created. The expansion of the stars. The first heat. The first light. The breaking open of the Earth’s crust to let the mountains through. The first kiss of the Divine to human. The first violence. The first love.
Cas broke their kiss to let Dean breathe. He thought that even their combined breath was puffing out blue, but maybe he was just seeing blue all around them now. He couldn’t tell and he didn’t really care. They were lost to each other and whatever it was between them. Inside of them. It steadily built up within them, like the low beat of a drum as one approaches. The pulse of the grace and the pulse of their heartbeats grew louder in his ears. He thrust harder, giving in to his growing desire to do so. Dean started breathing more quickly, pulling against the rope, pulling against Cas, asking to be pushed over with his body.
“Cas,” Dean whispered, breathing heavily now and barely able to speak. The words punched out of him, and he began to moan. “Cas, is this the rapture?”
Cas kissed him sweetly on the lips and then the forehead, thrusting into him and cradling his head in his hands.
“Yes, Dean. This is the rapture.”
“Are you going with me, Cas?”
“Yes, Dean. I’m going with you.”
Cas drove into him fast and rough now, unable to hold back. Dean pushed back against him to get the right tension and friction. Cas thrust relentlessly, letting the grace hold Dean and keep him safe from damage. He let himself go, pushing against skin and flesh and bone, eyes burning blue, feeling the pulsing of the grace and their heartbeats quicken, hearing the wanton sounds rolling unbidden from their mouths, feeling the coiling inside of them, thinking of the heavy air and heat of Eden, of snakes and trees and sex and love, of stars exploding and things made new, and then they both tipped over together, into a galaxy of pure sensation and pleasure and love. They hung there suspended for a moment, together, caught in the heat. Then they slowly fell back to Earth, like the sparks of blown out lights, twisting through the dark in a barn long ago.
Cas, ever the responsible friend and lover, untied Dean’s wrists immediately and massaged them. They both winced a bit when Cas pulled out, flopping down next to each other and gasping for air, hearts beating a mile a minute.
Dean opened his eyes first. “Holy shit, Cas. Holy shit. That was…. holy shit.”
Castiel smiled, dazed, sated, and exhausted.
“Holy for sure.”
“I….. wow.” Dean was obviously still speechless. And that was ok. Cas knew Dean, and knew that words were not his strong suit. Especially words about feelings. And love.
“Are you ok?” Dean asked finally, after he had mostly caught his breath. Cas’ heart broke in affection for this sweet man, a regular human asking if an angel of the Lord was ok, right after he had gotten his mortal world rocked, literally.
“I am more than ok, Dean. I am….. ecstatic.” Cas rolled over so he could look Dean in the eyes. He grabbed his hand and leaned in, kissing him softly on the lips. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, Dean Winchster.”
For once, in the face of a declaration of love, Dean kept his eyes open and didn’t tell Cas to stop. He was ok. This was ok. This was more than ok.
He reached up and kissed Castiel back, sweetly and almost chastely. Then he dropped his head back down on the pillow, feeling like jello all through his body. Cas snuggled up to his side and Dean reached his arm around him and pulled him close, burying his face into Cas’ hair.
They lay quietly for a minute, feeling the heat between them begin to cool, listening to their own breathing and the gradual slowing of their heartbeats.
“Heya Cas?” Dean said, after a few minutes.
“Yes?” Cas’ eyes were closed and he was beginning to drift.
“I think I saw Saturn up there.”