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K's Picks, portwell
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2021-07-30
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1/1
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don't forget where you belong

Summary:

“Hey, hey”—he reached for her hand—“who says this is goodbye?” At the end of his sentence, he squeezed gently, as if to remind her that he was still beside her. That he hadn’t left yet.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Gina and EJ sat atop a picnic blanket, sprawled on the school’s open field, after Miss Jenn haphazardly sent them away so she could ‘cool off.’ (That is, if she ever even did.) EJ had begun keeping the blanket in his locker for this very reason. Judging by how often she called for these breaks, Miss Jenn had gotten increasingly more paranoid over awards in the passing weeks. Like clockwork, they would run a few scenes, maybe power through some songs with minor errors, and then someone would stumble or miss their cue, and Miss Jenn would have to visibly restrain herself from snapping. You could say that tensions were high in these last few weeks.

 

Part of him was glad, EJ thought, that for his last show at East High, he had made the decision to step down from auditioning for the lead—although his newfound fear of rejection made it easier for him. Everything in life has its pros and cons. Now, he had a slower pace to savor his last few weeks in high school (if you could even call playing Gaston slower pace). And more time to spend with Gina didn’t sound so bad . It wasn’t anywhere near as devastating to him as it might’ve been to EJ 1.0.

 

For just a moment, he entertained the idea of him and Gina being cast once more as understudies, a world where there was even a slight possibility of them playing the titular love interests. Maybe they would’ve come up with another plan, maybe they would’ve schemed together for a final time. EJ thought it might have been fun, although he knew in reality they’re both much too far from their old ways for that. 

 

But, as he looked at Gina, cradling a book in her hands beside him on the blanket, he realized they didn’t need some big scheme to spend time together. As they’d grown, their relationship had as well. They weren’t using each other to enact a self-centered plot, they genuinely enjoyed each other's company; or else EJ wouldn’t be day-dreaming about exchanging months of self growth for more ‘wonderstudies’ escapades, just so he could see her smile secretly at him again—so that they’d be bound by something solely theirs once more. 

 

“EJ, you’re staring.” Gina laughed radiantly, and EJ flushed. Whether at being caught off-guard or her harmonious laughter, he didn’t know. “Taking a sudden interest in The Song of Achilles ?” She asked playfully, angling the book to show him that was indeed the title.

 

He was taking interest in something, that’s for sure. He shook his head lightly, as if to wake himself up from his daze. But, how was he supposed to form coherent thoughts when Gina Porter is sitting right next to him? With the sunlight hitting her so angelically, making her look even more ethereal. She tilted her head with a confused smile at his lack of words, and he felt his heart leap. God, that could be the last thing he saw and he would die happy.

 

“Sorry—I must have completely zoned out there.” He awkwardly laughed, trying to prevent her from thinking too much of it.

 

His fingers reached out to tangle in the green grass, and he tore his eyes away from Gina to look out over the field. Ricky and Big Red were chasing each other, bounding on the tops of the bleacher seats, their laughs loud enough to reach him across the grass. Nini—who had been mid-conversation with Kourtney and Seb—looked over to roll her eyes at the boys, but a small smile tugged at her lips. Ashlyn seemed to be chatting with Carlos about one of the dances, trying to make sure she had the choreography down. Leave it to his cousin to keep working hard, even when on a break.

 

EJ tried to commit the scene before him to memory. So that maybe, in some college dorm months later, he could close his eyes and see them vividly enough that it would be like stepping back into the moment. In just a few weeks, he’d be miles away from this—from them. That fact ate at him. Being the group’s only senior was a curse, he thought. Perhaps this was his karma for all the trouble he had caused earlier in the year. At the sudden twist of insecurity, he brought his gaze back to Gina and his heart stuttered. She was already looking at him.

 

“Who’s staring now, Porter?” It was her turn to blush. But she quickly recovered, playfully shoving EJ’s shoulder. He exaggerated the action by letting himself fall back onto the blanket, and dramatically bringing a hand to his head. She laughed brightly at his antics, as he had hoped she would.

 

A silence fell over the two, and EJ assumed she had gone back to her book. But, as he turned his head to see her, he realized she was now looking out at their group of friends. As she scanned the scene, a small smile played at her lips, but her eyes looked distant, deep in thought.

 

“Just three more months, huh?” She spoke to the field, sounding unusually hollow. By the end of the sentence, her voice had thinned to a whisper—like saying it took something out of her. EJ knew immediately what she was talking about, although he wished he didn’t. He prayed she hadn’t been counting down the days as he had.

 

“Yeah. Almost can’t believe it,” EJ said, lacking the usual lightheartedness that laced his tone. He had breathed the sentence out as if it had been said in the dead of night.

 

“Are you gonna have your ‘Gotta Go My Own Way’ moment?” Gina asked with a smirk, in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

 

“And what? You’ll be my Troy?” 

 

At this, Gina nodded enthusiastically, giggling at the mental image. The two jokingly broke into a few verses, making dramatic gestures—Gina took his hands in hers as she half-seriously lamented the iconic ‘ What about us? What about everything we’ve been through?’ and they erupted into laughter, falling into each other on the blanket.

 

“What about me? What am I supposed to do?” She asked once they had calmed down slightly, still a reference to the song, but spoken quietly enough that he knew it wasn’t the same. EJ felt his heart pull as her smile slipped to a slight frown, even if only for a second.

 

“Sorry, I wanted to keep this lighthearted.” Gina tried to laugh to ease the mood, but it seemed as soon as she acknowledged that there was a ‘this,’ her eyes glossed over with tears. “I thought I had gotten good at goodbyes after saying them so often, it’s just… I’m going to miss you. So much.”

 

“Hey, hey ”—he reached for her hand—“who says this is goodbye?” At the end of his sentence, he squeezed gently, as if to remind her that he was still beside her. That he hadn’t left yet.

 

Goodbyes had a certain finality to them that EJ didn’t like. Any goodbye could be the last one, and you’d be none the wiser. He wanted Gina to know that no matter where he might end up, he’d come back. There is beauty in letting things go, just as there is beauty in fighting for the things worth keeping.

 

Gina squeezed back.

 

“I’ve got to leave, but I’ll miss you,” EJ offered, another callback to their little performance. Gina’s frown broke into a grin, at which EJ’s heart soared victoriously.

 

She lightheartedly rolled her eyes, “Now we’re using High School Musical as comfort? Who are we, Miss Jenn?” EJ feigned shock at her pointed joke, but still laughed.

 

As they slipped into another comfortable silence, EJ added, “I’m not going anywhere, G. Maybe physically ”—Gina giggled—”but I’ll always come back.” Because no one feels like home the way you do.

 

Both let their heads fall to the side to look at one another and smile gently. Another press of her hand against his. They let the moment settle between them, bathed in golden light from the sun overhead. 

 

Their friends’ laughter echoed across the field, and judging by the metallic banging, it sounded like more of them had joined Ricky and Big Red in clumsily running atop the bleachers. Carlos shouted a half-serious warning that was made barely comprehensible by the distance. 

 

Just as EJ had known he and Gina would not return to their old ways, he knew he was going to carry this day with him for as long as he could.

 

Graduation was an unfortunate certainty, but now that they had talked about it with each other, it felt a bit more bearable. They’d get through it together. Goodbyes are waiting at the end of everything, but as they lay in the sunlight hand-in-hand, EJ knew he wasn’t going to say goodbye to Gina Porter any time soon.

 

He looked to the sky, taking comfort in the fact that no matter how far either of them went, they would be sharing one. Under the same moon and stars, as it once was said.

Notes:

here's a short thing i wrote about goodbyes for the last episode of season two. disney please renew hsmtmts for season three or i will be Sad.

(pls ignore that them taking a break long enough to hang out outside like this is unrealistic. their practices already have very little practicing.)

if you'd want to see more of my portwell Thoughts, my tumblr is @/prtwell. thank you for reading, and much love to portwell nation <3