Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

SPECIAL NOTICE:

The darkness was becoming.

The ground was hard and felt icy, despite the dryness. The human sitting on it had shivered in that wintry cold, white surrounding eir on that boardwalk. The road was out of sight, none would notice the lost wanderer as e found limbs became too heavy to move.

Everything was so much.

The worldly adult felt full of sand, becoming slower and slower, like water was rising from the freezing cold lake to find them. Get up. Get up or you die. Came a weary thought as eir shivering stopped.

The human could not rise, but the waters and the darkness seemed to. Slowly, even the weight on eir chest felt too much. The darkness pressed in. Why didn't anyone believe me? Why did I deserve it? Why couldn't anyone help me? Came one last lucid thought. I'm… sorry I couldn't hold on… Annie-

The numb nothingness reigned.

Then the nothing became. It grasped the soul, holding it close in inky black hands.

Are you a god? Thank you for holding me. I am so happy that you came for me.

There is a second chance that can be offered. New life. Justice to be served.

You'd do that for me? Why?

There is a price, a burden you would take in return. Your original body or name cannot be restored, but something else can.

I'd live? Okay. I'll take that burden.

The name you will find, the true name; keep it close to your heart. It is a powerful magical tool.

That makes sense. Okay. What should I do?

Wake up, little one and live.

I'll try. That's all I can promise.

The human was no more. Metal was under eir back. Strange sensations returned, still feeling heavy in new ways, a shape alien and strange flexing fingers and a set too many of arms and hands. Eir head felt heavy, eir throat felt thick with thirst, e could feel something pulsing in eir body and the soft rhythmic beat of a heart that beat a slightly different tempo.

Too many legs. Same amount of eyes, eir hearing seemed to be good and e could smell the dank wetness of where e was. It wasn't as cold anymore but the metal and surrounding air was fairly cold. Water lapped against the shore.

For a moment, e thought e was simply hallucinating, feeling a flat, slight chest under those strange hands, clawed at the end yet carefully blunted? E also felt a dress or robe on eir shoulders. E groaned out and rolled over, opening eir eyes. Black sand and metal. Eir hands were mostly white, with blackened claws and fingers, grey chasing up eir otherwise pale arms. E pulled eirself tiredly up to the edge of the metal pier. "Wh… what… where am I?" E whispered.

The little bit of ambient light illuminated eir new face-in fact, the light emanated from eir very own self dimly. A mask-like face or masked face looked from the water's reflection, crownlike horns rising from eir head and black pits that were supposedly eyes looked back at eir. E felt at eir face, eir new horns.

"Oh, shit. I'm the Pale King. Oh fuck. When am I? Has there been-!?" E got up in a panic, anxiety driving eir away from the shore to check the grounds. The deep, dark depths told eir all e needed to know:

E was in the Abyss, a place uniquely dangerous to anyone not a vessel or void-touched.

The ground was littered with broken stones, some that looked mask-like but no little masks. No egg shards. "No vessel babies." E whispered aloud. "It's before that happened. What am I going to do?! I don't know how to be a king! I don't know how to be a god! Am I even a god right now? This is so messed up." The reborn began to pace rapidly. "What am I going to say? What can I even do? I can't pretend to be the Pale King! Do I run away? No.. no, I can't do that!"

E went back to the pier and looked at the water. An idea occurred to eir. E reached into the water. "Void is thought to empty and erase, isn't it?"

E noticed this time that eir robe looked ragged and black. "What even happened to the old wyrm? Did the bastard trip and fall into the black sea!?" E pondered, half-hysterical. "Wouldn't that be ironic!"

E cupped the water. "Um… I pray, Lord of Shades, take pity on me and allow me to take what I need, so that I may live. I don't know if you still live but I hope you do. You're really cool and beautiful. Thank you for your refuge. If you do not wish me to drink of the black sea or to be here, please grant me a sign. I pray for mercy and for your wellbeing. I hope… I hope for your happiness." E prayed. "So mote it be."

E daubed the water at eir eyes and the mouth parts under the mask. E was terribly thirsty and the void water was all there was. When it didn't seem to burn or do anything wrong, e took a little bit of a drink. E coughed a little at its strange taste, but it did the trick of satisfying eir thirst. "Thank you, Lord of Shades. For your shelter and the drink." E prayed after the drink.

It was only polite, it was their domain.

The stranger began to pace and flexed eir back muscles. Wings stretched out and lifted them off the ground. "Right… I. I can fly. That's… really cool." E set back down on the ground and set hands to their head. "...why was he here!? Oh, right… the… infection…" E cursed. "I have to fix that. That's the burden that the god probably meant."

E took a moment before realizing fully. "I have to solve the infection!? How am I supposed to do that?! I'm a witch, not even a god! I wasn't even a terribly good Wiccan!"

Panic took hold of the wyrm again and e curled up in a ball and began to weep loudly. This wasn't eir fight! This wasn't eir body! There were sounds from above and e winced as two came, bearing bright lanterns that kept away the cold of the Abyss. "Who are you!? What do you want?" E demanded in fear of the two lights, cowering and hissing at the approaching strangers, trying to contain the sobs that threatened to come out.

The taller of the figures lowered her lantern, double set of antennae and long 'hair' tickling eir memory. Wait… that enormous sword… it looked like the grave for…

"Me'led grace? 'che does not look well. See how 'che weeps the black." Came a beautiful, strong voice.

The other lowered her lantern, a face of leafy green now visible. "...your majesty? It's us, your knights Ze'mer and Isma. Are you feeling alright?"

E stepped out cautiously. "You are… knights?" E sounded nervous but the day caught up fast.

The Pale King tipped over in a dead faint.

Chapter Text

Isma yelped as she caught the clearly unwell god-king. "How long was he down there?" The mosskin asked worriedly.

"Mel'ed queen said that 'che went to sleep at his side, only to wake to a note and his absence. Likely a few hours." Ze'mer draped her cloak over the king's unconscious form and began walking towards the palace.

"Ohhh, this is terrible…" Isma worried, fiddling with her weapons as they walked.

"Shhh." Ze'mer walked across the gilt bridge arriving before the Kingsmoulds. She watched them stoically, flashing her badge. "Let le'mer through, 'che comes on official crown business on request of the queen."

They stood aside and let her pass. They carried the king's body to the infirmary and Ze'mer set her precious burden down on one of the cots.

The medic came into the room and saw the patient brought in as Ze'mer pulled down her cape to reveal the face of their patient-and yelped loudly in distressed shock.

It would take some doing to get the medic to calm down and Isma ended up the one who informed the White Lady. She had ended up carrying the unconscious king to their bedroom, as to not disturb the infirmary and medics further. Nobody was sure what to do for the king but to let him rest in any case. Nobody knew what medicines would even work for a wyrm, let alone a god. Spring water and the Root's presence would have to do and waiting for his awakening, praying that he would to whatever higher being would listen.

Everything felt soft and silken, cotton of a high-quality beneath eir and soft silk over eir body, a cool warmth beside eir, that stroked at eir back soothingly. There were distant sounds that e couldn't make out, so many voices-but they seemed so far away. E stirred and felt a purr come out at the comforting and slowly opened eir eyes. There was a name on eir lips, but e couldn't quite recall it. "Mm...my…" E whispered and took a moment to realize that e had reached out not just with the left hand, but two of them for eir to realize a few things:

This was no dream.

E didn't know where e was.

There was someone who was in bed with eir and e didn't know immediately who.

E was still the wyrm and Pale King. Whoever he was.

E looked up at the pale, blue-eyed face before eir. The White Lady, of course. She looked delighted. "My husband, you've awakened at last! I am so relieved you've recovered." She hugged eir close, touching foreheads together. E grew stiff in the woman's arms. "...my love, what's wrong?"

E shivered as e looked up. This was Root. It could be nobody else and while Wyrm might love her… "I'm… sorry, who are you, dear lady?" E felt bad even as e said it, even as e meant it.

She was silenced and let go, her eyes going wide and then crinkling in clear shock then sorrow. "You… don't remember me? You don't know your own wife?" She spoke anxiously.

E rubbed where eir temples were, then rubbed over eir horns, still shaking. "My lady fair, I do not recall anything of myself before waking in a dark place enrobed in ragged silk." ...right, e had to talk fancy. That's what they would expect, even from a Wyrm who couldn't remember right?

Hands went to where a mouth would be, shock and horror in her expression. The stranger awkwardly sat on the bed, backing up a little and feeling increasingly uncomfortable as tears began to fall down the White Lady's face. "I had thought that night before you disappeared had been a goodbye. Maybe you knew it would happen. I wonder if you ran away or if you thought this would bring the solution you promised you'd found, the one that made you sob so brokenly?" She reached out and stroked eir face. "Is this the loss you mourned? Or is this the alternative for that?"

The stranger shuddered. "I wish I could tell you, but I sadly cannot. I cannot promise or enlighten you of anything. I can only offer you my shoulder to cry on."

She smiled sadly and put her hand under eir chin, staring into the stranger's eyes. "We'll have a lot of work to do, then. You'll need to be introduced to everyone, my dear. You were called after your species, Wyrm. Your name is secret, of course. We exchanged knowledge of our true names for our wedding vows, which I will continue keeping the secret of. You have a sweetness and honesty to you and I feel that I can trust you, my dear. I am the White Lady, Root. Guardian spirit of the land that Hallownest sits upon.

"I have been courted by many, but you alone have treated me with respect and love. Even now, you respect me and I shall return that respect." She spoke with her same sad smile. "I shall not court you, not until you've had time to recover. Until then… shall we be friends and partners?" She offered her hand.

Wyrm took her hand and touched it to eir forehead in a bow, hoping that was the polite thing to do. That's what knights did, right? Root actually laughed. "Still so very gallant in your mannerisms!"

Bingo. E let go of eir hand and decided to go for the two big questions; "Lady Root, who am I? Where am I? What am I? What are the voices I am hearing? Am I... am I mad?" E asked worriedly.

She smiled, a little amused. "Ah, apologies. The voices are not born of madness, those are your worshippers, praying to you. You are the Wyrm, the Pale King, the God of the Kingdom of Hallownest. You are in your bedroom, your palace that you have ruled from for almost two thousand years." She explained. "Your true name, I will not speak save that it means Chains of Light."

Somehow, that made a little too much sense. "What is a wyrm?" E asked her.

She helped the stranger up. "How about we get you dressed and you can see in the mirror what you are?"

E was helped up and e almost tripped over the long, fat tail that was behind eir. Root caught eir. "What the-" E cut eirself off by means of whapping eirself in the face with the tip of eir face, earning a growling hiss of pain. "Stop that!"

E grabbed eir tail and yelped at the sensation, dropping it-e had gripped too hard. E did actually trip this time, but used eir wings to prevent faceplanting onto the ground. E eased eirself down to the ground on shaky legs, tail swishing back and forth on the ground as e found some semblance of balance. E slipped into the white robes that Wyrm preferred and sighed happily at their softness. E looked into the mirror at last and… yes, that was the Pale King indeed. E felt eir face, eir horns, under the mask of a face, finding a mouth full of very, very sharp-feeling teeth and some molars.

Yep, extremely carnivorous.

E swayed on eir feet a bit. "Nnnh… I think I need to eat and drink. My head… it hurts and I feel light-headed."

"I'll send for some soup to start you with." Root promised. "Why don't you lie down until it gets here and rest?"

Yes… that sounded good to eir.

Root came out of the bedroom and went to the garden, having sent a message with the request for food to the five knights who gathered there. Isma looked visibly worried, more than the others. "Great Knights of Hallownest. About a guard rotation ago, the king began to act strangely. He made many arrangements that made no sense to me, considering many plans for facing the infection before-yet all were dropped after that point. He spent a whole work period with me, canceling all appointments for the next guard rotation after that. He disappeared from bed, after… well. You are aware that I sent you all to different corners of the kingdom to search for clues on where he might have gone and it was the honored ladies Isma and Ze'mer who found him, completely disoriented and not recognizing them, fainting and being brought in with… clear signs of void taint." She paused and let the five take that in, with four showing clear signs of horror. Hegemol was impossible to read through his armor, as usual.

"...that's terrible." Came a soft voice from within the metal carapace.

"Yes. He awoke today, still disoriented but stable. He was able to ask questions and speak coherently. My knights… the king has lost his memory. He does not remember me nor himself, at all. There's signs of him, he still speaks with eloquent dignity but…" She sighed. "He didn't even have good balance or control over his body. The full details will not be made public. The public shall only know thus: The king has been injured by the void and is recovering from the exposure. Even gods can be taken out by the noxious stuff, after all."

"You mean to say you are not revealing his lack of memory, your grace?" Dryya sounded a bit shocked.

"...no. With the infection raging, I do not want further panic from ordinary citizens." The Root spoke firmly. "We will simply have to support him best we can and keep looking for a solution to the infection until he either comes to his senses or we find a solution."

The knights knelt respectfully. "Yes, my queen." All echoed.

"What should we do for the king until then?" Ogrim asked curiously.

The White Lady hummed. "I suppose we teach him what he has forgotten and needs to know most urgently. We will need to bring in the whisper master for this."

Chapter Text

When I woke up again, my limbs still felt a strange mix of light and heavy; I was not a thin person before I died. I was, in fact, pretty dang heavy when I died. What an experience... It was a pretty awful one, actually. I keep thinking about it and I still feel a little cold as I uncover myself, shivering.

I can understand now why the old Wyrm wore such heavy robes.

What the hell was even my name? Why was so much of my prior life gone? I remember how I died. I remember… fragments of a life. It was admittedly not much of a life. Poor and unaccomplished in anything, unable to do anything productive and not even… I feel like there's something more, something I lost, that was stolen that I can't remember.

How did I die? Why did I die? I… I don't know and that scares me a great deal. A lot does right now, for some very good reasons!

Plan. I needed a plan, right the heck now or I am fucked along with the rest of Hallownest. Okay, so I have basic facts of my new weird living situation down, but there's things I need to find out, quickly. I need to figure out if I can do magic and how to do that. I need to find out if I am a god like Wyrm or if I'm just a weird bug.

I open my eyes and the first thing I notice is that I glow, pretty brightly. The lightness of the walls help hide that, but I am definitely glowing. So, I still have the kingslight that was spoken of in a few entries and by the old stag. It almost hurt to look at. Looking at my hands and… body, that sounds about right.

I have a tail now, with little grub pseudopods along part of it. And then two actual legs to hold myself upright. Something told me the legs were also sharp and grabby. The long tail was prehensile and I think with some practice, I can use it like… a snake. I think I could learn how to grab things with it. Worth trying to figure out, maybe.

I sat up and took deep breaths, focused on calming myself in meditation. Out with the negative shit, in with light. I could slowly feel myself calm down and feel less decidedly paranoid. The muscles in my back relaxed and I could feel like there were things that I could rely on near me. Some flew in place, watching and monitoring for trouble, while others patrolled or guarded important, silent places.

What… what am I sensing?

They mostly feel cold but some do not, some feel warm and I can feel respect, admiration and… worry? Am I sensing their minds? But why am I not feeling more, then? I would have thought I would sense a bit more than vague impressions but I have at least one answer to a question. I definitely have magic.

I felt calmer and got up out of the bed, pulling the sheet off me. I stood a bit shakily on my feet, trying to find balance. I had a long tail as thick as my abdomen. While my waist was slender, my hips were very wide. I was thin, mostly, with two sets of arms, one that stayed close to my chest with fewer digits than my upper arms. Weird.

I went to the closet where robes of different kinds were kept. All varying shades of white or pale grey. I picked the softest-looking one and dressed myself; thankfully, robes are easy enough to put on or take off. I decided I wasn't going to think about sleeping in the nude. Far as the White Lady knew, I was her husband and it's not like many bugs in this world gave a toss about nudity anyway. I rubbed my face… no, mask; I'll have to keep my terminology straight. My mask was very smooth, the carapace around my eye being bumpy. I could feel myself blinking occasionally, so I must have actual eyes of some sort.

I poked my head outside of the bedroom to see what lay outside it. It was an office, actually. There were scrolls, small tablets and writing tools scattered around, though the shelves looked organized enough. I sat at the desk and found a half-written parchment, full of equations I didn't understand and words I did despite looking like Sumerian or something, except round instead of angular. I picked up and dipped a stylus, tapping it against the inkwell before copying the last sentence. Not quite the same handwriting, but very close. I am also left-handed now. Interesting. I crossed out with a double line the copied line and set down the stylus. I'll count my blessings in being able to read and write.

The chair for the desk was a stool my tail had subconsciously wrapped around until I got up. I took a few deep breaths and tried not to feel very weird about my new body. It felt… off, wrong but not. I couldn't help but notice my fingers looking mismatched in length, looking stained at the tips. With ink? Void? I hid my hands in my sleeves and continued out of the office.

"Your majesty? You're awake!" A surprised, then emotional voice came.

It was a beetle about my height, who proceeded to kneel and prostrate himself before me. "...you may rise." My voice rumbled out, surprising myself with its sound now that I was relatively calm and not distracted by panic.

"Your lady wife asked me to bring you to her when you woke. Please follow, your grace." He spoke warmly to me, full of awe.

"Very well. I apologize, but… I cannot remember anything, including your name. Might you introduce yourself?" I asked and followed as he led me down the halls.

"Oh! My name is Darfel, your grace. I typically serve your watcher, Lord Lurien as his assistant and butler. He asked that I come and watch over you in his stead so that he may attend to his own duties in the meantime." The beetle explained. "He is quite worried about you. You were asleep after you were recovered for several days, your brief waking aside."

"Ah, I will have to send him a message to show my gratitude. Hopefully, I will not return to a comatose state again." I spoke awkwardly to the butler. I remember seeing a video about his dreamnail lines and could imagine his eyes glowing orange. I tried to put it out of my head, for my own peace of mind.

That Lurien is awake is good. "I remember… a very beautiful woman who comforted me. Do I have any other family?" I asked him plainly.

He rubbed the side of his head in thought. "Hmm. Not that I know of, honestly." He shrugged with a motion of his arm. "Your divine wife wishes for children, but you hadn't given her any far as I am aware. You never seemed to desire such."

We passed a kingsmould and I stopped. "What's this?" I asked and put my hand on the construct's armor.

"Oh, that's one of the new moulds! There's two types, kingsmoulds and wingmoulds. That would be the former. They're not actually bugs, but made from void through some manner." Darfel explained. "I wouldn't know how you managed it myself."

Nor would I, I thought with some irony. I fluttered my wings and looked into the white eyes of the mould. Underneath was a form like the Collector's, that I knew. I put my hand on their cheek. "Hello, child. It's nice to meet you." I greeted them. "Thank you for your service."

The mould patted my cheek gently with an uncertain, armored hand, mimicking my own movement.

"I am glad you were born with my hands. I must go for now." I landed and walked from there.

Darfel said nothing as he led me to a balcony, long vines hanging with white leaves to draw in nutrients where it could. Reclining in a chair much smaller than her in-game sealed form was the White Lady. "My lady, your lord husband has awakened from his slumber."

The gendered language irritated me slightly but she turned to look at me. "Thank you, leave us." The butler turned and left me with her. "Oh, my beloved Wyrm. Come to my side. You seem much better than the last time you awoke. Do you still recall nothing?" She spoke with tender affection.

I walked up to her, full of awe. She and I both glowed and now that I was no longer panicking, I could appreciate that, her beauty and the shock of meeting a named character from a game I had loved in life. "I… I am afraid so, my lady." I found myself reaching out with my hands, which she took with her tendril-like branches. She formed up hands and squeezed mine. "There is much I have to learn… where am I? What is the current standing of this land? What troubles it? Who was I?"

"You are the Pale King, dear Wyrm and my wedded husband. We had loved each other for millennia before the incident." An expression of pain crossed her face. "You stand in Hallownest, which stands in conflict with Deepnest and at a fragile peace with the Mantis tribe. The Hive stands apart, neutral from our affairs but friendly enough to trade. Lately, a sickness has come to our lands, which you stated you had discovered the source and a possible solution to. You had a few solutions, but one you had spoken to me about specifically but it had not yet been undertaken. I do not think with your state that it can be done now." She touched my cheek.

I froze. "Sickness?" I echoed, feeling sick to my stomach. "Please, tell me more."

"An angry goddess has cursed our land, for reasons deserved and undeserved. Her power is very faded, so she is unable to land a blow directly upon our persons, so she cruelly vents her frustrations upon our people instead." She explained. "You proposed a shocking, but audacious plan. It seemed like it was well-thought out and I had thought to prepare myself, except-"

"Except I can no longer do it." I was tense, but a little relieved that the vessel plan was definitely not in progress and never would be.

"You no longer have the magical knowledge to pull it off, in any case and somehow, I doubt you'd have the stomach to winnow out the unsuitable candidates. We will need to rectify at least to you knowing the basics for the sake of Hallownest and try to come up with a different solution to the dream goddess's threat." She spoke sadly. "And try to reconnect. Perhaps that part isn't so hopeless?"

"Er, I suppose we can see where things go." I now felt uncomfortable. "Lady Root, what was the plot to deal with this goddess? Have we ever spoken with her on what she is angry about or what she wants?"

"There's no need. She is attacking our nest, our citizens." She spoke dismissively. "There would be a hollow construct created, in the form of a child that could be trained up to constrain and seal her within a temple of her bane. It would grow into a fine warrior without peer and become the hope of our kingdom, then the sacrifice to enter our kingdom into a stasis to last eternally."

"So, by… winnowing out unsuitable candidates, did that mean to kill newborn children?" I asked quietly.

"Yes." She confirmed, simply and clearly.

I was silent but I let go of her hands. "I see. I will need to learn how to use my magic and to defend myself. When I meditated upon waking, I felt… something like impressions of the minds of others in the palace here. Is that a part of my magic?"

"Yes. For physical defense, your sworn knights would do very nicely. The five Great Knights are the most capable of warriors, good in heart and absolutely loyal to the kingdom." Root explained.

I knew the things she explained, but if I didn't ask, my cover would be suspicious. I needed to learn. To know that she had no apparent current objections to the killing of children and that they hadn't even tried to talk to the Radiance actually sickened me. On one hand, it was understandable given she was attacking civilians. On the other, were they so proud that they couldn't at least find out what she wanted!?

My throat felt dry. "Alright. I think I need food and drink, then I would like to be reintroduced to the knights and… relearn these disciplines as I am able."

She smiled at me with her eyes. "I will enjoy my part immensely, my love."

I couldn't return her affection, I never would.

Chapter Text

The White Lady brought me to a dining room to enjoy something to eat, since I had been out multiple days. I sat down to be served meat, with something that looked very much like pancakes but tasted like scrambled egg and some steamed grains. The grains just felt good going down, kind of like oatmeal or cornmeal.

It felt really odd to walk through the White Palace with her, like I was seeing something I shouldn't, listening in on chatter that I had no business doing. "...servants were just beside themselves. It's good to have you back, love. It's good to walk by your side. I wish I understood why this happened, but such are our circumstances. Surely, Providence is good to return you to me, beloved Wyrm." She spoke warmly.

"As you say, Lady Root." I murmured, a little distracted as we entered a new section of the palace that I was not familiar with. It was less ornate, but looked very sturdy.

We entered a plain room with a padded floor and suddenly, I felt like there was perfect silence. I looked around, confused at first. "Ah, I don't sense those presences at the edges of my mind anymore."

"This is a room you built to both relax where you could have a bit of a break from your domain. You sense the minds of others, love. You can likely hear my own in here, since there's less distraction."

I focused on the White Lady, frowning. I could sense her a little, but it was faint. "I sense you, but not your thoughts or feelings. A little nervous, perhaps?"

She smiled with her eyes. "Very good, though… that was once the hardest thing for you to do. Perhaps your state of mind didn't help matters?" She mused.

I froze up a moment but calmed myself. "Ah, well." I sounded embarrassed. "What are we here for?"

"To teach you what you have forgotten about being a god, about being the bridegroom of the land." Root spoke kindly. "I can sense how much you use your divine powers, which is to say barely at all. The prayers of your followers come to you, but you are glowing but dimly, not extending your strength outward. Let's start with a basic ward."

She walked me through basic meditation and visualization exercises. I'm familiar with the practice, so that part was easy. I decided to try putting wards over myself and imagined plates of metal covering and protecting me shaped like petals or lighthawk wings from Tenchi Muyo, placing one after another. I felt that ward form into place.

"Oh, my. That's certainly a new way to shield. Not like your past manner, but still rather effective in a pinch." She probed the shields and shattered one with a blow of magic. "...I can see why you'd form so many smaller shields. They're brittle, but if one breaks, you'd still have some defenses up. However; if I can break one so easily, they will not be suitable for a battle with other actual gods."

"I'll work on strengthening them, my lady." I promised. "I imagine that the visualization is a good way to do some other magics?"

She smiled with her pretty blue eyes. "That's right. There's glyphwork for very precise work, more permanent projects or to help boost them. Some use shorthand for these glyphs in other ways, such as art."

Art? That makes sense. "Does it need to be inscribed art?" I pondered.

"No, not exactly. There's chants, after all." Root chuckled.

I took practiced breaths and sang a little warm up. Hmmm, nice! A tenor sort of voice. I focused on what music I remembered. Was there something I could use?

...I do. Hymmnos. That'll work. How about a spell to connect to Root? A fragment of EXEC Linker will do nicely, since we're basically still connected via the Kingsoul charm and marriage. I began to sing in a sweet tone:

Was yant gagis chs hymmnos mea
En chsee fwal, fwal mea.
Fou paks ra, diasee, sarrifis hyzik tes dius yor…
Rrha ki ra tek wim tes yor,
En weel waath dius manaf, yat!

I'm alright to continue as I transform into a song
Protected by my wings
Oh godly child, for you I will sacrifice my all…
A transcendent focus has come before you as a youth,
Ready to bring about your rebirth, now!

...that didn't do what I thought it would. I could feel magic being woven, but it felt like… it was already on me?

"Was that supposed to do something, beloved?" Root asked gently.

"...it's already done to me, somehow." I felt my eyes frowning. "I was going to try connecting to you through the Kingsoul, but it just strengthened something on me."

She frowned and touched my chest. "...it feels like the echoes of another soul are within you. Perhaps it is due to the void? Some believe that spirits of the dead can reside within, thus the title Lord of Shades for its patron. Hm, but the other soul is only a fragment, barely that. Perhaps that's what is responsible for your lack of memories?"

That made an incredible amount of sense. I mean… I definitely died. I am pretty sure I specifically died of hypothermia, actually though how I got there is a complete blur; probably for the best. Maybe that kind of magic is why I'm in Wyrm's head to begin with? Linker's supposed to summon a spirit into another, after all. "That is a valid theory that can be explored later. I will need to do plenty of reading where I can." I am just glad I can read the local language.

She patted my shoulder and I took a deep breath. "Alright, I can shield myself and I'm on my way to using magic. How about something offensive for defending myself, fortune forfend?"

"Oh, that'll be simple enough. A mixture of visualization and intention." She described.

That sounds like a sort of magic any Wiccan worth their sort could attempt. I focused on the need to defend myself, something long to keep people at a distance or be able to throw. I felt something cold pool in my hands and I gripped it, opening my eyes to see what it was. It was a long, silvery spear with strange streaks of black corrosion. Huh, that's kind of odd.

"I'll need to learn how to use this." I murmured.

"Remember, we already had a suggestion for you. The knights are worried about you-training would double as a good way to get to know them once more to train your martial skills under them, with the explanation to them what happened. It can't get out, what with the troubles outside our walls, but it is worthwhile to let those we trust, such as our knights so that they may be more able to protect their beloved god." She smiled with her eyes. "It may even be an amusing pastime for you."

I expect to be short of breath at best, maybe but I kind of need that. Excitement welled up and I felt myself purr. "Well, I suppose that's something that can be done sooner rather than later." I rumbled, warmth in my voice. "I am excited to meet them."

Loyal Ogrim! Mysterious Ze'mer! Kindly Isma! Humble Hegemol! Fierce Dryya! I was going to meet the Five Great Knights, all alive and not just an anguished undead, the remnants of a being in a tree, an imposter, a dead body or a sad survivor! They would be at their height of strength and not broken by the world yet! I was incredibly curious about Hegemol and Dryya the most, since I'd never even got to see them in the game. Not really. I wondered what sort of bug would be underneath the big guy's armor. Would he be a maggot?

Oh. Maybe I could find out what sort of bug Lurien was? Nah, that didn't matter. I didn't know much about him aside from… king beloved. I wondered what those words meant, if the commonly held belief that he was in love with the Pale King was true. What would that mean for me? I didn't want to think about it and it just wasn't important to me at the moment. I had immediate worries that were more present than a bug that might be interested in my body; there was one in front of me already. I hope I'm not too disappointing for the man. I thought to myself.

"That's good! How about we go now, then? No sense in putting it off and your purr is adorable." She spoke with fondness. "I will step outside briefly to summon them." I felt my wings flutter as she stepped out, eager. She returned with a smile, Dryya following her. "The other knights will be with you shortly. This is my personal knight, Dryya."

She thumped her fist over her chest, over the heart. She knelt. "Your highness. I am glad to see your person in good health and spirits." She greeted me in a strong, firm voice.

"We thank you most graciously, please rise fierce Dryya. I am grateful for you protecting the Lady Root. I know that you'd lay your life down for her and I see your courage and dedication. I can see your willingness to die-but I hope that you will live in gladness." I found my voice humble and soft when I spoke.

Dryya is doomed to die if I don't change Hallownest's fate. She looked up at me with wonder and surprise. "You… can see that?"

I put my hand on her shoulder. I could feel it. The love that she had, the pride, the awe. It was painful to look at me through the natural glow but it was like she realized for the first time that her god was more than some distant thing to worship in fear and rejoicing, to put it bluntly. Yes, she feared me in some primal way and I understood why. "Yes. You love her so much and we are so very proud of your strength and accomplishments. I trust you implicitly with my wife's life, I know she is in good hands. Stay strong, Dryya and rely on your comrades for support."

That was a bit of platitude but I could sense a rush of fondness and reconsidering, as well as pride in her fellows. I let go and the feelings were not nearly so strong. That was… very deeply weird. Empathy… knowing for sure what people want… It was nice, but also felt kind of… invasive. I suppose once I have a better handle on this world, I can ask about the manners of having psychic powers. It wasn't like I was bending her will or anything-not that I would. Ick, just thinking about that made me a bit ill.

"The rest will be here shortly, we'll wait for further introductions for when they're here." Root spoke warmly.

Dryya rose-she was definitely twice the height of my eyes. That was going to be continually a thing: a lot of bugs being taller than me. I feel long, but I am just surrounded by a few quite tall people. "It's just as you say, my lady liege. His excellency's manner has utterly changed." Dryya looked me over. "Far less stern in how he holds himself."

I turned over to watch the door. What could I really say? It's not like I'm going to have the self-assured confidence of a precognitive god when I don't feel like or remember being one! "I do not know what sort of life I lived before. What comes now, that will likely not be the same unless I recover memories of who I once was." I spoke, feeling annoyed both at the gendering and being talked about like I wasn't here in earshot.

"My apologies, I can tell you are displeased my lord King. Can you tell me what displeases you?" Dryya looked down to my feet.

I immediately felt bad; it's not like they know I am non-binary. "You are forgiven, of course. It is merely tha-"

I stopped as I heard yelling at the door, a jolly voice yelling something I heard both as huzzah! and dai hyundo! That could only mean one thing, especially as I heard a girlish voice laughing and a more mature but youthful voice admonishing him for numbing mon antenne.

The Five Great Knights were here and burst into the room with loudness and enthusiasm. My explanation of why I was annoyed would have to wait.

Chapter Text

As it turns out, Ogrim smells like he rolled in shit. It's not a pleasant smell, but it's completely understandable for a dung beetle and not that bad. His eyes crinkle in delight and good cheer as he came into the room and saw me. "Your majesty!" He greeted boisterously before kneeling on one knee.

Isma was all smiles, placing a hand on his arm. "It's good to see you well, your holiness." She followed Ogrim in kneeling as she spoke warmly to me; right, she was one of the ones to find me, her and Zemer.

Zemer was the tallest of the bunch aside from the hulking mass that was Hegemol’s armor; She was elegant in her movement in an era where she was not undead but moved with the caution of someone who knew she had enormous strength. Her nail was of tremendous size; it would be very much at home with the daiklaves of Exalted. “’che majesty, the relief of your wakefulness and awareness is of great comfort to her.” She spoke formally, far more than any of the other knights had.

“It is an honor to meet with you, your excellency.” Came an unexpectedly soft voice from the armor.

“Knights, you may rise.” I rumbled out. “Your fealty and loyalty are acknowledged.”

Those kneeling rose. Root spoke in her gentle voice. “Your king has recovered physically from the trial of the Abyss, but not mentally. Given the nature of the void, it is terribly unlikely for your king’s memories of before to recover. He will need to be reintroduced, retaught and guarded over. My dear king, I will introduce them so that you may know them.

“Loyal Ogrim. Lovely Zemer, the clever. Kindly Isma, the mosskin knight; Mighty Hegemol the gentle and of course, Dryya the fierce, my own personal knight and leader of the knights.” Root introduced each. “The bonds of light that unite you are of the Pale King. He will require learning how to defend himself-a task, perhaps you each could turn your hand to?” She sounded a little amused at the thought.

“Of course, your grace!” Isma chirped happily. She paused, thoughtful before continuing. “While your majesty has claws, you are of average size for most of the common folk of the kingdom. Your reach will be outdone by basically anyone with a nail and that’s the truth! How would you feel about a weapon that keeps someone a few paces away?”

I recalled the spear I'd summoned before. “A polearm, then? That sounds reasonable.”

"Yes! A little reach out and touch somebody." Her companions laughed with Isma and I chuckled myself a bit.

I formed the corroded-looking silver spear. "Alright, your majesty. The first thing to learn is how to grip and stand with this. Even if you fly, it's still useful to know…" Isma began to walk me through the rank basics; it wasn't like anything I'd ever learned, though I was hardly an athlete, I suspect in my prior life.

The others wandered out with a 'by your leave' except Ogrim. "May we help you, loyal Ogrim?" Root asked gently.

"Erm. Yes, actually. I wanted to ask the king… usually, before you and others do not like to spend much time close to me due to my ah… odor. I am aware it can be embarrassing, though the White Lady Root doesn't seem to mind it!" He spoke awkwardly.

I drew closer to Ogrim and fluttered up, to draw to eye-height. "Ser Ogrim. I don't know about before-yet to my current perception, while it isn't exactly pleasant, your smell is quite bearable and makes me think of growing things. You are brave, loyal and pure-hearted. I know that even if you and I were parted, you'd never lose your faith in me. You'd protect the kingdom as long as you could, no matter what. I will keep faith in you. Next to the beauty and strength of your heart and convictions, what should I care about something you cannot help and isn't even that bad? Please. Keep your head up. You are a Great Knight and you earned your place here. Never doubt that. You are as great a knight as the others. I promise."

Tears actually came from Ogrim's eyes. "You mean that, your majesty?" His voice was quiet, thick with emotions.

"I do, I promise that to you." I spoke to him and patted his face. "I know I'm likely not usually so familiar, but something tells me… you need this."

I landed by Root. He bowed and left in a hurry. She touched my back, looking down with such tenderness and pleasant surprise. "Ogrim has been struggling of late with feeling like he deserves his place. He's the youngest of the Great Knights, with fewer great deeds to his name." She spoke softly.

"He does have a wonder about him, an awe of the others where the others have a comfort with what they're doing." I dismissed the polearm.

Root made an impressed sound. "That's quite perceptive of you. Were you able to hear their thoughts?"

"...no. I was not. I could sense them, their emotional state… but not their thoughts." I didn't see the point in lying about that.

"Interesting. Let us go to the garden, then to refresh ourselves before midday. We can hold a court. You can let me do the talking today and learn from my example, then read some of the scrolls and such others have written on leadership." She mused. "You always did learn best that way."

Politics, now that's the stuff that'll kill me if the Radiance doesn't.

Chapter Text

The court functioned on a strict schedule. While there were some liberties that the royal pair could take, due to their station, Root and I were to hold personal court four out of seven days, which I thought was reasonable. "The court has been only me while you've been... ill. While I have intelligence and a sense of fairness, I don't have the sort of judgment and wisdom you've governed with in the past. I didn't always agree with your decisions but I certainly understood for the main part where you came from or you were able to explain why later you decided as you did. Thankfully, we have judges, bureaucrats and the like for lesser matters. There's no sense in bothering us over a stolen dolly or setting the education standards each year beyond reviewing the guidelines the archive suggests." She explained to me.

I listened carefully to her words and nodded. "That seems rational." I commented.

"Yes indeed. We have a clear code of laws, guidelines for behavior from those who work to uphold our laws and a clear line of responsibility. We punish most harshly those who threaten the public trust in our authority or have in the past." She explained. "Speaking critically of our regime has strict regulations, for multiple reasons. Not to cull all those who speak poorly of us, but to ensure that none are spreading misinformation or sedition."

I don't like that, but I'd have to review Hallownest's laws to actually understand how strict or harsh those laws were. There were multiple things that sounded reasonable, but might not when I looked at the actual reasons, effects or limits placed on people. This isn't my world, I have to remember that and listen to why things were set the way they were. At least, for now. "I... see." I spoke softly.

"There's one thing you'll have to make sure of when we head to court. If you do speak in public, you once used the Royal We for pronouns. You used more informal language in private for those you trusted, but even in writing, you used such plurals as you are head of state and can speak as the state as well as god of Hallownest. Tap your chin to signal to me if you wish to speak for now." She explained to me.

"I see. So those that we see here today are problems that judges don't want to handle or cannot?" I guessed.

She smiled broadly. "Yes, exactly so. We'll have a meeting after with our whisperer."

Whisperer? I must have looked confused, because she chuckled. "Oh he is going to be quite sad when you don't recognize your own high priest. he's served us his whole life, but his devotion is to you, specifically." She explained.

I had to keep wondering who in the world she was talking about as we found our thrones; this must not be the main courtroom as seen in the White Palace dream, since the thrones in here seem to be a good bit more humble than that. While mine still had the expected three long spikes, they seemed to not dominate the room or in my throne's case, be multiple times my height; hers was rounded but had a tree-like detail on its back to differentiate ours. She went to her throne and bowed to the people as I came to my own. I mimicked her motion, bowing deep. This made sense: service to the people who entrusted their security to me and gave me worship as their god.

I wanted to dig away from all the prying eyes.

She sat-and I followed her lead. "You may be seated! The court session shall now proceed." Called a male aide who stood apart from the rest of the bugs; well, that made sense to have a bailiff. "The first party to approach the throne by prior arrangement shall be Alleyne the Lacewing!"

He bowed, delicate-looking wings fluttering behind him. He wore a nice-looking blue brooch on his neck, similar to the red ones that the noblebugs wore. It didn't shine so prettily as those, but it definitely told me he was likely no poor farmer to begin with. "You may speak in Our presence, Alleyne." Root spoke firmly.

He cleared his throat in nervousness. "Your highnesses. I run an apsid and boofly farm close to the kingdom's edge, near the Hive. My neighbors have never given me trouble, they keep to themselves and don't bother me nor my stock. I have stored eggs that will be viable once they're rehydrated, but they sicken with that disease that's burning through the kingdom. I'm not sick-but I'd like a little assistance. I have to-" His voice grew thick. "-I have to slaughter my whole flock, though it pains me to do so. I need a little financial help from the queen's purse or my farm will go under. Some farmers I suspect are selling the meat of the sickened animals because they're afraid of a famine. I think if people are dead already, a famine might be the least of our worries. I'm no… seer or anything, but I'm a thinking sort of bug. I can see how things are goin' and I'd really like to not fall behind my peers for being an honest bug. I beg of you for help. I don't know which of my neighbors are selling tainted meat. Because I can't tell them who or show that there's a blight exactly with healthy eggs, the agriculture board won't help me at all. I throw myself on your mercy and wisdom!"

He bowed once finished. Root turned to face me. I purred to show my favor for the querent. "Exactly my thoughts. Goodbug Alleyne, We will grant your request and work with a chatelaine to determine what will be paid for the beasts you must put down and burn, as well as a stipend for until you are able to recover in recompense of your hardship." She spoke firmly. "Please wait in the chatelaine's wing for more details and Our precise rendered judgment."

The lacebug bowed deeply. "Thank you, thank you!" He walked off at speed.

"Next party, Aisling the Ladybug!" The bailiff announced.

She dressed in the most basic of cloaks and didn't look well off at all. I wondered about how the people here were actually chosen, there didn't seem to be a bias based on money; the split between well-off and poor was even. On the surface, that seems fair until a body remembers that there tends to be a lot more poor people than people who make a decent wage. Somehow, I doubt that no matter how well-managed Hallownest is, that's no different here either-so there should actually be more poor people than rich. Since the queen and king have never really been poor, there's a good chance the White Lady may not actually fully realize that. I put it aside for later, to mention that to Root.

I listened to the ladybug's plea; she was far from the last one of the day, so I tried to pay attention to each petitioner. The ladybug wanted assurances that the city wasn't going to starve with the accidents piling up. A cricket wanted to know about placing musical knowledge into the Teacher's Archive and there was a grub who wanted permission to set up a large home in the crossroads. It would usually not be a big issue, but the size of the area was what made coming to court necessary. He looked quite ready to lay and was very relieved when he was told yes.

Others came, the last being one of the Soul Sanctum bugs. She bowed, a purr rolling off her. "Your highnesses, I have come to thank you on behalf of the students of the Soul Sanctum for the chance to learn magic and study the great mysteries. I know that it was with great trepidation that this was allowed. It has been a wonder and a joy to attain a focus, even if it should not be the pure focus that the Soul Master seeks."

"It is Our intent that a safe manner of teaching basic magic be found. Perhaps in time we may see your office research into a solution to the sickness if another way has not been found." The White Lady spoke formally.

"That would give our association much pride!" The bug sounded excited.

I looked at Root and tapped my chin; she nodded at me. "Student of the Soul Sanctum, magic can be a balm to the soul-but beware of reaching beyond what you are capable of. It is very possible for you to bring harm to yourself and lose yourself if you do not take heed of your limitations-let yourself instead of power seek wisdom and joy. Your wonder is Our joy in magic. Let the Soul Master know that We are pleased and that we wish to commend them. We hope that making you Our messenger expresses Our pleasure and regard of the Sanctum's efforts." I don't know how far gone the Sanctum is yet-but maybe I could save the students from becoming Mistakes and Mishaps.

The student looked suitably awed. "Of course, your excellency! I'll be sure to tell him!" She purred louder, bowing respectfully.

The bailiff guided her back to her seat. "The court hearings are concluded for the day, please be excused to the ballroom for refreshments and be dismissed in the name of the Pale King and queen!" He announced.

People filed out. I sighed once all were gone. I did feel like I'd learned a lot from how she managed things, but that I was still missing a lot of context and how people actually lived. "My dear Wyrm, I see that court is still rather troublesome for you." She soothed. "Come, let us walk to the castle gardens and hold the meeting there. Did you get some insight on the Soul Sanctum?"

I felt slightly sick; how do I say this? "So… to speak. The Soul Master will become infected and give himself to Her for immortality. He'll murder hundreds of bugs and at least one snail shaman to feed off their soul and grow resentful. It'll start with him just… wanting to help in finding a solution. But his helpfulness and hunger for knowledge will be corrupted into a desire for power and immortality instead." I explained.

Root grew shocked. "Truly? How did your foresight not catch that before?"

"I'm not really sure. I suspect it could have been a matter of letting him make the mistake of his own free will or asking the wrong question. The right answer to the wrong question can be disastrous." I mused.

She stared at me with an inscrutable expression that became a smile. "I can see your old self, here and there despite the lack of memories." She stroked my cheek tenderly and I found myself purring at the affection. "Oh, beloved." She touched foreheads with me.

I didn't really understand her, but I was hardly unmoved by her devotion. There was something that hurt and a part of me felt all gooey at that. I like being touched, yet I dislike it. I was so torn but I couldn't give myself wholeheartedly to her. "You… you deserve… so much, m-my Root." I stammered out. "I don't… I do…"

Her smile was so sad. "I think I do. You just aren't the same as before, but I won't abandon you dear Wyrm. You have a love of the people and the land, even now-but your love for me is less certain; and why not? You… you don't know me and I do not know the new you. Not yet and I suspect your heart knows that, even if your mind does not quite have a decision."

Maybe I could have loved her as she hoped if I tried; I don't know. I do not think she is a terrible person, just a goddess faced with a terrible decision that I could never imagine facing myself in her position. How much do you excuse a lover? How much do you forgive? How much can I forgive? Words strain before affairs of the heart. She was Wyrm's soulmate, his wife.

She was not mine.

I followed her to her garden and she loosened dirt, letting the earthy scent fill the air, reclining against a fountain, a pedi-tendril in the earth and in the water. It was bright here, she closed her eyes and rested herself. This was her domain and I walked the garden path restlessly, trying to get my mind off Root's feelings. I sensed someone else approaching and meditated briefly to clear my head before they came upon me.

They had a full-body veil of a cloak, a mask with a singular eye like a teardrop on the front. They were taller than me, but not to the same extent that the White Lady was. Their footsteps were softer than any of the other bugs I'd met so far and they had a different scent than them. "Interesting… you must be Lurien. It's a pleasure to meet you anew." I held out a hand.

He grasped it back, showing a black hand but also… wings. Tan, with black bands where the cloak parted. His hands were fuzzy and I felt it with a purr. It wasn't the hard woody or carapace texture of most bugs, pleasantly soft. "I have the ah… same sentiment! Goodness. It has been a while since we last met. We were supposed to have a meeting to discuss that dreamer plan of yours, but ah-" He sounded a bit flustered with his soft voice. "You were… indisposed and called it off a few days to be rescheduled later before the accident in the Abyss."

He placed his other hand over mine, rubbing my knuckles with his warm fingertips. I looked up into his mask, curious about who was behind it, what sort of person Lurien was. "I… I suspect I was going to ask you to do something. I don't… I don't recall what, exactly but I can see a bit of the result. You… you deserve better. You have a very gentle voice, I wasn't expecting that." I blurted out.

He chuckled at my admission. "Your majesty flatters me. My purpose in your kingdom is threefold: that as your Watcher, who looks over the City and manages its denizens in both the common and royal quarters, that as whisperer, who organizes your intelligence network through the kingdom and that of your high priest, who worships you directly in acts of devotion." He explained to me.

"Ah… I see." I leaned forward and touched foreheads with him. "Thank you for your devotion and loyalty, dear Lurien."

He made flustered sounds at that. "Have you lost all memories, truly?" He spoke once he collected himself.

"I'm afraid so, the old Wyrm is… lost to this world." It was the truth, as much as I could tell him or knew. "I know nothing of this world and kingdom. I'm… humbled at the burdens that being the Pale King entails, but it is my hope that I can be the god you deserve in time. I am still learning how to be a god-king and it is my desire to do right by the people I find myself lord over."

He was quiet at that admission, but he squeezed my hand comfortingly. "I will do my best to help you in that noble goal. We have a conflict currently on hold with Deepnest, an infection raging and a possible famine lurking due to how lower lifeforms cannot resist it. You… had a plan. Was the plan found wanting?" Lurien sounded troubled.

I hesitated. "...very. Very wanting. It would have ended with… so much death, destruction and despair. I do not know how my prior self didn't see it. Your death, Monomon's death, Herrah's death, my own, most of the knights, so… so many innocents. That future cannot be, I cannot allow the dreamer plan as it was to go forward. We must find another way." I spoke firmly. "I must learn of this kingdom. The court audiences are not bad, but they lack nuance. They're filtered from the people. I must see the kingdom for myself, not as king or god, but as a common bug might to learn its problems that you or I cannot see from our exalted positions."

He made a soft, but pleased sound. "I understand. I think a few weeks to learn better how to use magic and defend yourself would be suitable before you do that, your excellency."

I don't know my name. I don't remember my human name. "Please, Lurien… call me Wyrm in private. I think you deserve that and it is my wish." That will have to do, for all that I'm a stranger to this world-I am a wyrm. That much is true.

"...Wyrm. I can do that, Wyrm." He spoke softly, voice tight. "The honor you do me with allowing me to be so familiar is great."

I let go of his hands, purring. "The honor is mine, Lurien. You serve me well."

"Then let us prepare." He rubbed the hand I had clutched. "We can do much to prepare for a bit of travel."

"I would like information in the meantime on the Soul Sanctum." I spoke a bit more business-like.

He chuckled a bit. "Oh yes, I have news on Lord Onei, the Soul Master."

I had a feeling this would be both horrifying and fun to hear.

Chapter Text

"Well, his original name was actually Beeble of all things." Lurien drawled.

I snorted. "Seriously? No wonder he changed it, that sounds completely ridiculous."

He laughed at my reaction. "That was my immediate thought. He is a large sort, but the ego's even larger than that."

I snorted. "-and fragile?"

"Oh, no. He is entirely assured of his success as the master of the Soul Sanctum. It's everyone else who cannot see his genius and they will all pay and he is eternally grateful to you for seeing the potential in his studies. As loathe as I am to admit it, he knows what he's doing." Lurien spoke with distaste. "He skirts the law, but nothing untowards. Yet."

Lucky me, the bug's not up to murdering for immortality yet.

Yaaaay.

I spent weeks studying magic, self-defense and statesmanship. There was no helping it, I had to do it to be decent at those things and learn what I could from both teachers and books. The knights taught me how to fight, Root how to use magic and both her and Lurien taught me of kingship.

I wasn't half-bad for a beginner at the mundane stuff, at least and magic was… a rush and a wonder. One part imagination, one part symbolism, one part knowing the name of a thing. You had to make bargains, pay a price if you lacked the power or channel power from a divine source. If you were already a divine source but weak? You were shit out of luck! Well. It wasn't put to me that bluntly, but... Wyrm's power had severely diminished when he'd abandoned his past form to become more like a bug and walk among people. It was the price he had paid and he'd never regretted it, until the Radiance had returned and it was only giving up quite that much power that he couldn't fight the threat that now lay at their throats.

In that time, I read everything that I could get my hands on for any plans that the old Wyrm could come up with. He was a compulsive recorder and I could read his writing easily at least. He kept meticulous, beautiful notes. I ran into a very, very simple wall with his plans:

The Pale King was a gifted, experienced engineer. I am most assuredly not. Lord and Lady, I am not very good with math much more advanced than basic algebra! I somehow "lucked" out of getting trigonometry or geometry in math because of being on the special education track and some snafus with class scheduling and pinballing between parents.

I suppose I can use my 'amnesia' as an excuse to ask for help now. Even with me being a math bonehead, I could tell the plans he'd come up with wouldn't work for me, you betcha. He was focused on killing her, sealing her away, anything but living with her-and why? It's not like I could ask him! I heard myself growling with frustration as I read through the last of his records and took deep breaths. The rasping growling didn't subside.

I smashed them. All of the stone plans he'd made for it, burned the reed papyrus and silk paper records of all the horrible things he'd wanted to do for the vessel plan with the utmost pleasure. I smashed and ripped and tossed the shreds of paper into the fire of my study. None will ever know in this world of the horrors that it would birth.

"Wyrm!" Came a cry; hands picked me up from where I lay before the fireplace, curled like a great centipede. Soft hands, warm hands and the growling began to finally subside.

Hands that stroked my face as I stared into the fire until the paper shreds were fully ash, until the crumbled tablets were like a concrete mix waiting for water. I was pulled back and I finally closed my eyes. "I have to see this kingdom for myself. I can't just rely on these audiences. Not as the king. As a common bug might." I spoke firmly. "There's too much that's edited, sanitized so I cannot see it. The sort of things that reports cannot communicate."

He looked into my eyes. "...alright. If you can manage it. You… used to be very terrible at pretending to be a bug, you know."

I tilted my head up at him and stood up, brushing off the detritus of my rampage from me. "Was I? I wouldn't know. What are the things I do that I didn't before?"

"Remembering to breathe regularly. Blinking. You are still bad at looking at people when they speak, but you're better at it. You look roughly at them, at least. A marked improvement, truly." Lurien spoke dryly.

Before all this, I was never sure what Lurien would be like. Fan depictions of him ranged wildly, the official in-game text left a little too much to the imagination and while I knew the cut lines offered a little more, I couldn't remember exactly what they involved. It was barely known by me, I remembered just the whole king beloved thing and the fact that he had suspected that the poor Pure Vessel wasn't as advertised. Maybe he had known, impossible to guess.

"You know, when I first heard your name I never imagined you'd be so…" I paused.

"Smart? Good looking?" He spoke with an air of faux innocence, making me laugh a bit.

"Sarcastic." I commented dryly. "-and funny. You're witty and fun to be around, I like you a lot and I trust you."

He stopped walking, staring at me. "Ah, well-erm. Why? I'm a spymaster for your sake!"

"Do I have a… high priest?" I asked, partially to confirm a suspicion and partially because I was actually curious.

"Actually, you do. I am the current one." Lurien confirmed. "You don't really visit with your cult much, you always seemed uncomfortable with direct, in-person worship. Honor as the king you always said was different."

I'm… not really a god. What does it even mean to have the shell of a fallen god? What even am I now? I look down at still unfamiliar claws. I need to have them looked at a bit-wait. "I got off track. Irritating. If the king tours the kingdom, surely I'll see the kingdom all shiny and clean. Presented at its proud best, to make the king certain that he can be happy with the state of his nest-but that's not what I want to see." I rumbled.

"It's not?" Lurien tilted his head.

"No. I don't want worshippers falling over themselves to impress me as I'm looking to see how Hallownest is actually doing. I want to go incognito and get passed without comment, even if that means I don't get into places. I can always do surprise official inspections. I need to understand the people I have authority over if I am to be a good leader and I want to be. Would you come with me?"

Lurien sighed. "As much as I would love to… I have responsibilities as the Watcher. I can, however, set aside time in the future to actually go out on another anonymous jaunt. After all-none know what I look like under the Watcher's mask and robe. That is for a good reason." He sounded a bit bittersweet.

I reached out, touching his shoulder. "I'm certain you have good reasons, Lurien for keeping that secret and I'll respect that choice."

He made small, weird noises and I let go after a moment, taking a step back, looking away with embarrassment. "I think I will set out soon and speak to Root. She is already apprised of that plan."

I just wish I had a better one for the infection; I don't know how strong I am. I don't know where the Radiance is, beyond in the dream realm somewhere, ha! I know that to face her would be the height of folly. I don't mind sacrificing myself to save these people. I don't mind if it would cost me my life-I just don't want it to be for nothing. I could try to fight her, then what? Die at each others' hands? Maybe?

I want to believe another solution exists. I find the idea of killing people sickening, even someone who's doing such harm.

Is that… selfish?

Chapter Text

It is a pity that I couldn't bring Lurien along; I wondered what it was that actually occupied his time. Paperwork, organization, intelligence work, it could be all sorts of things. I was guessing he had some pressing appointments he couldn't beg off from without causing problems; I would have to be more prudent about planning things in the future, the people I was surrounded by were busy people with a lot of responsibilities; hell, I was supposed to be a busy person with a lot of responsibilities.

I decided to chart out a path for me to take; I couldn't go everywhere and not all the areas of the kingdom were important, but there were a few things I definitely wanted to see. I sent inquiries about the Crystal Peak mining operations, as I doubted very much that people actually lived there; worked there, yes, lived there, no. I remembered the Crossroads village from the game and wondered if Salubra lived there yet; one way to find out!

I sat before the mirror in my room, looking at the glow around me. How am I going to deal with that? I began to meditate, letting in the feelings of my magic. Light… light is how people see, right? And since the Wyrm was such a shut-in, people wouldn't know his scent. "Light should bend…" I muttered and began to pull on that aural light. Illusion magic might be a good way to hide the glow.

I focused on changing the horns a bit, more two gracefully curling points than four straight tines of porcelain. I made my mask more round, for a younger face. As I shaped the light, I noticed I glowed less and less until it was barely noticeable; not perfect, but it would do the trick while I was out. Next came a cheaper cloak, my silk ones would stand out too much. I found a fireplace that was currently out and used some of the dust to dirty it up a bit to make it look used. I beat it lightly and was pleased that the charcoal smell would help cover my probably odd smell. The final touch: 500 geo for anything I needed. I realized as I stepped out the pickle I was in: being a strange, poor-looking bug, in the White Palace. Well, good thing the current rules say the uninvited are questioned and tossed out. I ventured out of my room and snuck around the halls, avoiding guards and the like until I got to a more public area of the palace. Good thing I can sense where the moulds and mortal guards are! Hm, that might actually be a problem that I did so well sneaking around so close to my quarters… oh well. Table that bit of anxiety for later. I began to make way for the exit more casually.

To my surprise, nobody really stopped me as I got to the exit. It was to my own benefit, as I quickly got out and found the metal walkways around the palace full of life. Many of them had white and red-purple stones pinned to their clothes, though I didn't really know what they were for. I'd ask about it later once I got back.

I headed to my right, to the west of the palace. I looked around at the Ancient Basin as I walked. At first, the metal bridge and distant walls of the cavern the palace was situated in was all I could see-then, once I stepped out I could see the smooth black stone. There were so many alien structures that looked like they had been cast in concrete or spun glass. I couldn't find any tool marks; even the metal and stone of the palace had those if you knew how to look. Fascinating. I took my time in observing them, feeling soothed by the beautiful stonework for some odd reason. They were wild-looking as Dionysius, with sharp, inhuman faces and strange horns rather than the elegant Apollonean symmetries and pale colors of the White Palace that I had gotten used to over the past few weeks. I ran my hands over a few of them, stopping in wonder without realizing at each one like a distracted child.

It was when I looked up that I saw a relatively large bug in red armor with a cloak, navy blue strap and fuzzy collar who was studying the same soul totem that I was. It was one of the more ornate ones, one that looked like a many-horned bug. It looked strangely familiar, maybe it was one that had been in the game? "Why, hello there. Those are really beautiful, aren't they?" I called to him calmly. The nail student startled a bit, a hand going for the very large nail before he looked at me. "Oh, sorry. I'm just here, waiting for my master to finish some errands nearby. I had no interest in the shops, so I am waiting out here." He sounded distracted, maybe a little dreamy as he spoke but not really happy to be there. I cocked my head. "That didn't answer my question, now did it? You find this beautiful, don't you?" I spoke softly. "It's said these were spun out of void, as if they were bubbling up from the depths below. They're so very old, older than Hallownest, yet show no sign of wear. I'd love to draw something like this when I go home."

The student sighed. "Beautiful, maybe; I'd never be able to do something like that. My hands are that of a nailmaster, not an artisan or craftsman."

I touched his arm, to comfort and ground him away from the pain that I could feel radiating off him, a pain I could feel more strongly as I touched him. Thankfully, he was wearing thick armor. "Well, not yet. It'd be hard to pick up a brush and handle it as deftly as a nail at first. It takes practice and time, just like anything else. You won't be recreating this post, you'll be finding your own scenery, your own colors. And that is no small thing, is it?" I let my hand drop.

He mulled it over, but his eyes snapped to me, as if making a decision. "My name is Sheo. You are…?"

Crap, I need a name. "Um. Call me Benui." It had this strange ring to it, as if I'd heard it before as I came up with it on the spot. "Yes, Benui."

Sheo stared down at me, still taller while sitting; it's not my fault, he's tall! "I haven't seen you around Hallownest, Benui." He commented. "I've lived here a while, with my master and my fellow brothers, so I know a fair amount of people."

I shrugged. "I only came to Hallownest recently and I was ill, for a few weeks so I was secluded. With what's been going around, I cannot say I blame anyone for their caution." That was all strictly true, even if the details weren't quite adding up to the whole truth.

He didn't even question it, but there came a loud call he looked up at. "Here they all come." He sounded happier to see the three, two other equally large bugs and the smaller Sly, who had a red cloak himself. "Ah, those were some great deals…" The fly spoke, sounding smug.

"Master, the shopkeeper looked like she wanted to murder you." Came an exasperated voice from the left-hand brother.

"But she did wink after." The brother on the right laughed. "Sheo! Did you make a new friend?"

Those must be Mato and Oro, had to be. "Benui, these are my brothers, Oro-" The one on the left sighed and made an exasperated chirp; "-and Mato."

"Hail to you, Benui! You've got some nice horns for a little beetle." Mato spoke cheerfully to Sheo's own sigh.

Was… that a compliment or a flirt? "Um… thank you, I suppose?" I got a laugh, at least over my utter confusion. "Nailmaster and… students, then I suppose?" The dull red armor and cloaks with the white ruff were pretty distinctive.

"That's right! I teach these three young oafs what I know. It'll probably be my last students. They're still young, but I'll make masters of them yet!" Sly sounded enthusiastic, at least at that point. "If they stop treating it like a big laugh or a club!" He glared at Mato and Oro respectively, who looked embarrassed at being chewed out before a stranger. "Your brother Sheo takes to it like water. Practice more instead of fooling around or sulking!"

I picked that moment to slide out of sight, away from Sly's continued lecture. Sheo actually smiled at me as I left. Wow, I had very much not expected Sly to be quite that feisty of a master, but I suppose I understood now a bit better on how those three ended up estranged. They weren't as much taller than Sly as they were in-game. Maybe there was time yet to talk to them… maybe in a form that Sly will respect more than 'random bug in the street.'

I found my way out of the area, almost flying. Lots of people flew, so none looked twice at the little beetle that flew past courtiers. There was a nice lift that I found, following the main road instead of the side paths. They went in all directions: left, right, up, down, straight ahead and everything in between. They were all clearly marked, some in symbols as well as street names. I took the lift up, knowing this was where I had to go.

I didn't want to take the trolley, I didn't need to be in Deepnest or the kingdom's edge, at least I couldn't think of anything in that area that really needed my attention or was particularly safe for what's supposed to be a regular beetle to be wandering around. I thought of the path I was going to take, musing as the lift's doors opened. I filed out along with others, courtiers filing out, many taking out or stopping by a stall to buy an umbrella.

It sounds dumb, but I hadn't really thought about the fact that the City of Tears has constant rainfall until that very moment.

I paid attention to the prices and got a middle of the road-looking one so I would at least not collect rain in my crown. The geo was already coming in handy, the price being about 60 geo to one that looked like it would last at least a few hours. My illusion is good, but it's not going to hold up to spouts from places my illusion covers due to the shape of my real horns.

I was actually shocked by the crowds in the City of Tears. There were common bugs, but far more rich-looking sorts and fussy-looking servants as well as commoners wearing decent clothes, carriers, stands selling street food under awnings of what was probably painted canvas, a streetsweeper, even a musician playing a stringed instrument that looked like a guitar with the headboard with the tuning pegs bent at a 45 degree angle back, as well as two sets of strings for passers by, a bowl for geo out. (I admit that I dropped another 50 geo into that bowl, it was lovely.) It was made of metal, though some of the strings were wound metal while the thinner ones looked like actual silk. That was an interesting answer to how stringed instruments might work, but wow, would that be expensive if that's weaver silk!

This was probably the noble district, with higher-quality patrols here and there. A few of the nobility sniffed and turned up their metaphorical noses at my relative filth. If only they knew who they were snubbing, they'd probably be singing a quite different tune... I tried not to think about that as I wandered towards the Watcher's Tower, then through it in the underways. There seemed to be many places under the buildings for people to go through, as well as places for those who were brave enough to fly through this mess. The underways just seemed to be common areas with more upscale little stalls and stores, as well as having the elevators up to the tower proper, though there were a few walking guards making sure on the ground that it was all peaceful and that nobody was causing trouble around the elevators.

I came outside, once more. The canals gurgled with water rushing away to cisterns and natural filtering for drinking water, much of it to be piped back up to the Blue Lake to continue the cycle of gentle rain. The sewers would filter the… refuse and such of the city, the treated solids either sent to farms or burned but lately, I'd ordered that it all be burned before the ashes were sent away.

The water washed away my thoughts of filth to see a square with a small fountain in the middle. No statuary sat atop it, though enough metal poles with the kingdom's seal upon it were scattered through the city's streets. By this time, the misty rain had washed away the bit of charcoal I'd rubbed in for the most part, so the clothes just looked normal, not poor but they did look noticeably darker in color; how odd. I bought a cooked skewer and brought it into the building further along, taking the elevator up out of the underways to get out of the wet and cold at least for a while so I could eat in peace.

There was a tea shop where Lemm would someday set up shop if things went poorly, to my great amusement and a few benches and small tables close by for customers to enjoy their drinks at. I ordered one with a mildly bitter citrus flavor added, before taking a seat. I purred as I sipped and enjoyed my snack. I was usually not terribly outgoing, but it was nice for my goth ass to not be surrounded by white and pale colors and see new people, even if it wasn't people in shapes I was still used to. "Ohohoho, well what a visitor to this tower." Came a husky, slightly feminine voice.

I looked over towards the voice and saw a snail shaman. "Are you talking to me?" I asked, looking up.

They were a bit taller than me, their shell hat covered in mask-like bumps. Was it carved into the shell? "Why yes, young one! I didn't expect to meet a wyrm today, especially one so different from the one who dwells below." The snail giggled and sipped at their drink. "You a wyrm with that amount of darkness in your shell? Clearly not the same one. What may I call you?"

"Benui." I had set down the little bamboo stick from the skewer. "May I ask… besides how I answer this, how in the world would you possibly know?" Was I still glowing noticeably? I forced myself to not look down.

"Firstly, your shadow's quite unique! Secondly, I can sense magic in a way different from the soul practitioners of the Soul Sanctum. You feel more like Confessor Jiji or the ancient caste than any of the divinities here. The living ones I've seen each radiate something, understandable or no. You have the air of someone not settled into what they'll become, yet the shape of what it'll be is just barely within perception. How fascinating, the way your magic touches and caresses others with such care." The snail spoke, relaxed as they enjoyed their drink.

"I… see." I didn't really understand, but maybe I could bullshit a little. "So…" I tried to think of it another way and came upon an idea; "-something like how a person could look at a child and see something of the adult they could become, even if that's not guaranteed." Well, now that I said that, that actually made sense; in terms of godhood, I was probably a toddler.

"Ohoho, exactly so! That's a fantastic way to simplify that idea." The snail lifted a glass as if in salute. "But that darkness and light in you, that care, I think those will stay and settle into something interesting. Especially with so much light in this world; perhaps too much."

The talk of darkness had brought me to ponder the shreds of memories before I woke, the sense of being held in some great, gentle hand. I sent a brief prayer of gratitude to the darkness, using a sip of tea to cover my musing. "When you speak of the darkness, you mean… what lives below?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Does the darkness's guardian in fact live? How interesting. I had thought it in such deep torpor that it would never again awake. I wonder what revived it?" The snail laughed again.

I took a sip… or tried to and found my cup empty. I sighed. "I have a long trip ahead of me. Thank you for the company and… conversation." It was the truth, but the snail was creeping me out; I got up and found a trash can, ridding myself of the skewer and putting the cup on the shelf where the used cups were left.

The snail waved as I found my way to the elevator. I really didn't want to get any closer to the Soul Sanctum, for several excellent reasons and I got my pale ass out of the underways and found my way into the poorer district of the city. I followed signs and took a lift up.

It was time to see what the rest of Hallownest had to offer.

Chapter Text

When I exited from the city past the knight's gate, I felt my metaphorical nose wrinkle. After being so used to city life, I had been staying in the positively antiseptic White Palace for weeks. The sudden smell of not quite manure and pungent mushrooms of all kinds was stronger than Ogrim's uh… 'heroic' scent. Not exactly unpleasant but overwhelming after the rain-blunted scents of the city. I hadn't realized how much more sensitive my senses were and I felt itchy under my cloak. I shuddered and just walked over the metal walkway, trying not to think about the acid below.

The Mushroom Wastes wasn't so bad as it was in the game; the path was clear, there were ladders as well as stairs for bugs that couldn't fly and marked paths for those that could. Signage seemed to warn flyers to go slowly or risk collisions, which seemed reasonable to me. I used the walk path, since I figured my wings would be a dead giveaway of my identity. There were dragonflies, beetles, flies, even a few cloaked maggots that I saw. There were a few bugs that wore body-covering cloaks, to the point of being unable to tell what they were.

I noticed that there were bugs that wore masks, looking like some of the wildlife that scuttled around, no trace of intelligence. But not their masked kin, who looked around intelligently at the world around them and finding their way to wherever they needed to go. There were a few villages that I saw in the wastes, some with shrumals in them. Given I was only sticking to the Pilgrim's Path, I doubted very much I was seeing the entirety of the picture; but none of them seemed particularly poor or worse off.

The villages seemed relatively peaceful and I thought that maybe things were simply quiet here, until I got to the upper levels. There were a few less nice villages there, the buildings in poorer condition or the clothes I could see were made with lower-quality materials. I stopped at one when I heard the sounds of a commotion. I drew close, staying out of sight as I followed angry and mocking voices. "-should go back up to the crystal cliffs where you belong."

"I work nearby, I'm a citizen. I know my rights. Leave me and my cousins alone. We weren't bothering you and we have the right to live here." The moth spat acidly. "We're followers of the Pale King, same as you; not that it's any of your business."

"Yeah right, is there a reason your kind doesn't wake up with the sickness?" The bully taunted, a rhinoceros beetle far as I could tell.

"You don't know many moths, do you?" The smaller moth mocked.

"I know enough of you to figure out that you're plague bearers-" The bug pushed down one of the moths as he spewed arrogant hate.

I. Saw. Red. "Stop that at once!" I snarled out loud as I could, startling both the bullies and moths. I stomped up and glared at the main culprit. "You ignorant thing, lower than the dirt of Anciet Basin, where do you get off saying that kind of thing!? The only plague I see is you. Get out of here, before I call a guard for verbally assaulting those moths in a prejudiced manner. I am sure your pocket book as well as your face will hurt. I'm stronger than I look. Go back to your home. The King gave his light to everyone, despite you not using the thought given to fluke young!" He snarled out. "Get out of my sight." I heard the echoes in my voice as light leaked out at my fury.

"Oh, Kingslight, that bug is a soul user, run!" Called one of the beetles before the group went running.

"Well, they'll probably do this again, but uh. Aren't you…" The wine-colored moth gestured to the beetle. "-one of them?"

"That's no kith nor kin of mine." I brushed my hands off on my cloak. I took deep breaths to calm myself. "Are you all alright?" I asked, offering a hand to the fallen moth.

"...yes, thank you. Only my pride was hurt." She joked weakly, accepting my hand. "That was kind of you, comrade." She brushed herself off. "I'm Kinore, the moth."

"Erm. Benui, it's a pleasure." I did a little proper bow. "I am just happy you're alright."

Kinore's antennae flicked as she tilted her head to me. "Well, I think that kind of selflessness still deserves a reward. Let me share a spell a snail shaman that lives in Greenpath taught me." She held her hands together, singing a pure sound. "Seeking system permission through administrator Ar Vinan Waltonelico to send data packet exec_waath, entering ID: kinore_pauwee.revme_artonelico…"

I felt instincts rise from inside. "Echo address benui_viuy.sec_artonelico under authority of administrator Ar Vinai Dia, opening socket 1.1.1.1 for receiving data…" I sang in return.

She offered her hand and I took it as we sang in unison.

"Ecrra syec mea." In that moment, she was me, I was her, we were one, so confusing that I couldn't make sense of what I sensed, save that it was the barest outer layer of her-and that the same was what she was sensing of me before our hands parted.

"Wow… you… truly are kind-but so sad." The moth looked like tears were brimming with tears as she stared at me, full of concern. "Why are your feelings so tortured and aimed inward?"

I knelt by her and told her the absolute unvarnished truth. "I don't know." I spoke sadly. "I don't remember. Please don't cry. Be happy, Kinore because I get a second chance."

She smiled at me as I purred. "Well. I need to rest, now but I'm sure we'll meet again." She smiled mysteriously.

"I… I have to go now, too." I promised myself that 'Benui' would meet Kinore someday, a friend who would not treat me as a god.

One ran off into one of the houses and came out with a bottle of liquid and something covered in wax-coated linen. The white moth shoved it at me. "Take it, just return the cloth someday. For your journey." The voice was oddly familiar.

"What's your name, mister…?" I had to know how I knew it.

"Markoth." He spoke. "I'm glad you scared them off, I am not keen to spill blood but I was prepared to do so."

Oh, that boss. I remembered how infamously difficult he was supposed to be, then finding him reasonably difficult next to the Watcher Knights. "Hey… this might sound strange, but if you wish to go off to meditate, I do not recommend running off to the Kingdom's Edge. You'd be at the mercies of fierce creatures while your mind was not within your body. Call it… a hunch." I commented, before fleeing the moths to their surprise.

I had a long way to go and I really didn't want to taste Dreamshield.

I made my way out of the Mushroom Wastes, into the Queen's Station. There was a nice wash station, where I was able to rinse off the spores and smell. I was glad to step into the familiar grounds, though without the thorns and hidden mask shard. It was surprising how many more areas to board a stag there were than the two that were in the game.

I went past Willoh's entry. I didn't really want to bother people who were in transit. I didn't want to stick around for the jellies, either in Fog Canyon, so I ascended carefully upward, avoiding any. It was pretty thick, too. I would return someday to meet Monomon, but probably with an armed escort. A heavily armed escort.

I climbed into the mossy caverns of Greenpath and began trekking across the Pilgrim's Path until five Mossy Knights jumped on and held out spears. "You're going to stop right there." The apparent leader announced from behind them.

And out from behind them came what looked very much like a moss charger.

Crap.

Chapter Text

I walked by the sides of the mosskin who'd essentially arrested me, taking me down a different path of the Pilgrim's Path. I was headed deeper into Greenpath, not towards the Crossroads. I saw the glint of eyes peeking out from various bushes and piles of moss. One pair I almost could swear were orange, but they hid quickly. "We will be stepping off the path, now. Mind you that the king's law only applies to the road. I'd love to have an excuse to leave your corpse to feed our kin, but alas. Someone wishes to see you, pale creature." The knight poked my shell lightly with his spear as we walked, his words full of how not troubled he would be to leave my corpse in a patch of yellow woad.

I gulped a bit at that. "I will behave." I spoke softly. Their laughter was far from comforting and I really didn't feel like laughing with them. We went past where once upon a future, Hornet would face down with her sibling. I was hustled over a number of acid pools and ushered into a small but lovely shrine with the likeness of Unn standing before low benches. The guards hit just behind my knees, driving me to my knees. Gentle Unn the dreamer, please have mercy on me in your domain… I prayed.

A light emanated from the idol. "You are a Wyrm, but not so arrogant as that king… how very interesting. You are godly, yet so very mortal still." Came a surprisingly sweet but raspy voice.

The guards knelt before her voice. "Thank you for speaking with me, Dreamer Unn." I spoke respectfully, bowing my head. "Why have you summoned me?" I asked bluntly.

"It is an honor, you cur-!" One guard burst out at my word, only to stop as she laughed.

"Child of sorrow, I do apologize. My children are very protective of their mother. As they should be, I am very old!" She laughed. "But perhaps granny would be better for you to call me. You are so very, very young for a higher being, after all. Barely an adult for a wyrm, let alone a belief-born god. How did you get here under the Pale King's watch? I thought him to be a jealous sort."

I tilted my head and if I could blush, I would have. "Erm. That's… complicated." I admitted. "-and belief born? What does that mean, granny?'

She made an amused sound. "There are a few varieties of higher beings. The guardians or fae beings, the ascended, the elemental and the belief-born types. For any, worship is their bread and water. While some of the guardians and elementals can go without, it makes their lives much harder and they are rather mortal at that point. To lose ones' followers is a death sentence. To be forgotten is the one death that truly matters. There are some bugs that say that you die twice-once in body, once when your name has been spoken for the last time. The Pale King forgot this when he slew her mortal form." She spoke seriously. "You feel like an ascended, so you require worship to live on. Oh, you wouldn't die right away if your worship suddenly stopped, no-instead, you'd begin to age as any mortal should. Ah, but if you used magic to freeze your age-well. Nothing good would become of it."

I leaned forward, sitting politely, tail behind me and legs crossed, lower hand on my knees and upper hands clasped before my chest. "I see, that makes a great deal of sense, I appreciate you speaking to me this way granny." I bowed my head and sent a quick prayer of gratitude to her.

There were gasps from around me as I closed my eyes and crafted the simple prayer. Was yea ra phyue mea chs hymmnos sos yasra sphilar yor… crushe soare sos Ar Plina Revm… wee ki ga hymme sos yor! Was there something weird happening? I opened my eyes to see and… yep, both me and the idol were glowing.

"I shall gladly turn into a song for the sake of your gentle soul, I'll craft a prayer for the verdant dream and joyfully sing for you… what a beautiful prayer you made for me." Unn sounded genuinely surprised by my actions as she translated the language that had come to mind. "You'll be facing her, won't you sweet child?" I couldn't read her face, but her voice was full of concern.

"I have to. The fight between her and the Pale Wyrm will end up killing everyone and I cannot. I want to reason with her, tell her a secret." I told her.

"What happens if you should fail? What prayer would you craft for that?" She asked, firm yet cautious.

I thought of the language I'd prayed in, it was not unfamiliar to me. It might have been a language I knew once and now drew on for magic but I could remember music in it, its purpose. "Hibernation or Chronicle Key." I spoke softly. "I don't want her to sing ViiBaCi MijiiRa anymore or to begin singing Sublimation. It has to stop, one way or the other but I don't want to hurt her if I can."

"What song do you wish to sing, young Benui?" Unn asked, not unkindly.

I thought a bit. There were so many that I could think of-but there was one I could think of. "Was yea ra chs leeya fhyu, wee ki ra chs wasara dor, en xest eazas yanyaue yor, xest!" I sang out audibly, a strange and quite noticeable echo in my voice that wasn't usually quite that pronounced.

There was warm laughter. "Such a gentle soul, to call yourself Twilight. I may not know that song, but I know the feelings of hope it contains." The voice spoke kindly. "I look forward to what you'll bring to this dream, wyrmchild of the beautiful soul."

I didn't fuss about being called a child-to her way of thinking, being 30 was the blink of an eye, hardly worth speaking of. "Am I free to go then, granny?" I asked softly.

"Yes. You've more than passed my test. You are welcome in my lands, especially as one who prays to me." A sense of a hand running over my head came to me, affection and approval. "Do you understand now, the damage that the Pale Wyrm did, Wyrm of Contrasts?" Her voice turned serious.

"Yes, granny. I'll not be making his mistakes any time soon." I promised.

"I hope so. Now, my loyal knights. Please return this person back to the pilgrim's road. Gently, now." She chided them mildly.

I left the shrine, the idol's glow dimming as I left. I felt warmth; I had at least one person who understood my aims here. I just didn't know how to break that to my allies as 'king.' At least, not yet. The moss knights shoved me away once I was back on the path and I made my way out with quite enough haste. I had one more real stop before I returned to the palace; it was time to go to the Crossroads and Dirtmouth.

Chapter Text

I shook off the soil and fresh scent of the fertile place I'd wandered through, brushing the detritus of Greenpath from my clothes and claws with a sneeze. I sighed and made my way through the many platforms, hopping over the stairs. My human sensibilities shouted that the whole setup was a sea of OSHA violations, just waiting for someone to fall; but the people here could largely fly or would have the means to either not slip or catch themselves. The few who didn't were namely the maggots, which seemed to be a bit downtrodden, but even they had items to make this world more amenable to their soft, squishy selves. I even saw a number of shrumalkin making their way around, some even decked out in cloaks, some silk, some rougher cloth.

I walked slowly through the crossroads, stopping to hear idle gossip by the small village about this and that neighbor, the moisture of the soil in the undeveloped sections, the happiness at a good harvest recently despite the complications of the shrumalkin… I wandered away as bog standard weather became the topic. Small talk could be useful, but the weather was usually boring everywhere. The tidal phases for the Blue Lake was probably as interesting as it was going to get, though it did tell me that this planet actually had a moon to affect the water.

I turned away from there, going upwards and noting the signs for the stag station. I was close to the mines and I did want to briefly stop by there. There was a theory I needed to confirm there, I had to make the stop before my tour of Hallownest was done like a pilgrimage. I took the stag there up to Dirtmouth and wasn't the only person at the station. There were three beetles, one looking related to Elderbug. The bugs were female, with the slightly larger forms, shorter antennae and scent to match.

That was something that I had started to notice, going from a regularly stuffy human and the clinical scentlessness of the White Palace, with heavily cloaked courtiers, to the dulling rain of the City of Tears, to the overwhelming pollen of the Mushroom Wastes, to the sharp life of Greenpath to the more ordinary scents of people who didn't care about covering themselves so much. I opened my mouth a bit, breathing in and tasting the air, walking past the chattering women and riding the elevator up and stepping out into a street full of wanderers, travelers and villagers doing various chores together in the open air under an eternally overcast sky.

Where are the stars? The moon? Let alone the daystar? I pondered, purposefully not naming the sun. Why is the sky full of clouds? Is this like The Matrix? Weird. I wondered how it had happened, was it actually natural or artificial? However it happened, only a dusklike glow reached the surface, enough for some plants and mushrooms to eek out a meager living. The people grew shaped to this world of twilight, I think. She and I brought them something more.

I couldn't help but think of her as I wandered, nearly missing the stand full of silk. "A silk-singer, here?" I blurted out with surprise.

The weaver with their bulbous head peered at me. "...that's interesting that you know that, sir beetle. I'm a weaver, yes. But as you can see, the stand's not doing as well as I'd hoped. Half think I'm here to eat their brats." She huffed. "As if any sane bug would. Not much meat on younglings." She cackled a bit.

I laughed back, though it was a little forced. "You don't sound all that surprised, though." I commented. "Call it an outsider's curiosity. I came from… outside Hallownest."

She tilted her head at me curiously. No face or antennae made parsing her emotions a bit difficult, but her eyes noticeably squinted at me through the mask. "...yeah, you don't sound local." She commented, sounding surprised at that. "Well, Deepnest and Hallownest are at odds. We've been raiding each other since time out of mind. Understandable, since we don't actually believe in their godking being well… a god to follow. The darkness of the old caste sounds more reasonable to me, you can see their works in the depths, find their relics. Knowledge predates their god, the knowing of things and self-at least to us. Not so much to the beetles and such of Hallownest, so maybe there's something to it."

"How did it happen? Just ancestors that grew ever smarter?" I queried. "Changing generation by generation, food and age making the voice easier and easier?"

She went stiff a bit. "You really aren't from around here. It's said that our ancestors came from elsewhere, worshiping gods of silk and song, that they saw our ancestors spinning and sang to make the silk we create vibrate so that we could hear them. When they danced on the strings to the song, the gods granted them the art of hearing and knowing. We say that we are the most intelligent species in this area-and I have yet outside extraordinary individuals seen that-but of all the businesses, of all the students in the Teacher's Archive and those that study in the Soul Sanctum, very few indeed are actually of Deepnest's clans. Probably for the best for the Sanctum, I dislike the bug that runs it… ah, but that's politics for you. Everywhere has someone who's just not pleasant at all." She made a dismissive sniffing sound.

"Hah, well I can't disagree there… have there been applicants? Or trouble with getting applicants to sit?" I asked her, genuinely curious. "I know that courtiers have exams to allow them to be as such, but I don't recall hearing many of Deepnest's court youths showing up."

She sighed. "There's those that make it… difficult, to be there as examinees." She rubbed her hands and then over her mask. "Or those who only recall our warring with the mantises that sit the review boards. But to complicate that, we have a problem internally on our hands. It's no secret, with the on and off again fighting happening, there was bound to be deaths in that fighting. Oh, soldiers or raiders here and there-but recently, our leader passed away in the fighting. The head of our clan was a favored soul, we'll never see the like again. This wouldn't ordinarily be a problem, but the surviving wife was a commoner. Tough, we respect her utterly as a warrior. Herrah however has no issue by the old leader and now, the tenuous peace between the clans is on the edge of a needle."

I wince. "I'm sad to hear that, it sounds like the leader was canny and well-loved." I commented; it really was a shame, Deepnest getting into a feud-birthed civil war right now would be catastrophic. "So, what if she remarries?"

The shopkeeper sighed. "Sadly, there's some… complications. With the clans, there needs to be balance. If she takes one of the three great generals, the others will take it as an insult and while multiple marriage is an option, it'll just delay who ends up siring the first child becoming the winner, with the losers being insulted."

…I get it. That's why Herrah asked for what she did to become a dreamer. I felt an ice cold chill unlike any I'd felt since the first day in the void. "And if she didn't marry, it buys only enough time to the end of her fertile period. And then, it's too late. War anyway." I spoke softly.

"You're smart, for a beetle." She laughed. "Enough depressing talk, will you buy?"

"So, how much for a measure of this silk?" I pointed to beautiful deep blue silk.

She named a figure that was entirely fair for the spider silk and less than it cost to normally import it. A woman stared from behind me, pausing as she heard the price and excitedly rushed over to her home. I wonder if it was Bretta's ancestor… I pulled out coinage for a tenth of the value and pulled out parchment and a quill, carefully jotting down my authorization for the rest. I seriously did not bring that much geo with me. "Now, I understand if you don't want to do this, but I'd like you to measure this amount, delivering it to the White Palace. You'll get business, I'm sure. I think listing your prices will do a lot for getting more here. I'll give you a tenth of the price now, with the rest and a bonus for the delivery to be given at the Palace. I am a courtier and be assured, your complaints will be delivered to the Pale King themself." I spoke, letting the authority and magic fill my voice, letting the illusion flicker briefly. "Is that to your favor?"

She quaked in her boots. "...ah-ahahahah! I understand! You're a clever one, beetle!" She laughed. "I'll accept that deal." She accepted the writ and geo and I moved on as beetles started mobbing her shop. She put the measure of silk away that I'd ordered and then began attending to her new, excited clientele.

It wasn't that difficult thing to suggest, really; I thought as I went the long way through the Crossroads to the Crystal Mines-Myla's claim was what I checked out first. I didn't need to see much to test the theory, just one of the crystals would do the trick. There wasn't much to see, though I did ride the elevator up to visit the soul totem, putting my hands on it to pray to the Lord of Shades in gratitude for my life. "I don't know what I'm doing, yet but I hope I get it right for everyone's sake." I spoke with a sigh. "Thank you for listening, Lord of Shades."

I finished my prayers and got back down to see if I could look at some of the crystals. I heard three voices from below as I rode it down. "Jenah, I know I heard someone coming down this way. I didn't see any claim notice, either." Came an excited sound. "This is a fantastic place for it, check out the inclusions in the minerals nearby!"

"There's also a totem to pray to up there." I pointed up. "I'm not interested in claims, I just wanted to see one of the crystals but I don't really know how to find them." I purred, sounding exasperated instead of relaxed.

"So you don't even want to keep it?" The oldest-sounding asked, gesturing a bit. I shook my head and simply said no.

They were miner beetles, just like Myla complete with helmets. They laughed. "We could sing and you could hum along as we get some free for you!"

"One-a, two and a three-oh-"

Bury my mother pale and slight
Bury my father with his eyes shut tight
Bury my sisters, two by two
And when you're done, bury me too!

Oh, bury the knight with her broken nail
Bury the lady, lovely and pale
Bury the priest in his tattered gown
Then bury the beggar with his shining crown

And here we'll continue evermore
And here we'll continue evermore

The song sounded cheerful, I counted off and sang for them.

Shiny-shelled preachers come out every night
Try to tell you wrong and what's right
But when asked about something to eat
They will answer with voices so sweet:

You will eat, by and by
In that glorious land above the sky
Work and pray, live on hay
You'll get pie in the sky when you die!

They laughed at my song and began another as they cleared the rocks that I didn't get a clear idea of. I followed up with a last song, changing a lyric to an old vocal warm up.

Come follow, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow me
Where shall I follow, follow, follow
How shall I follow, follow, follow thee
Down to the hallow, down to the hallow, down to the hallow dream

They picked up the simple words and we echoed each other, staggering the harmonies until the exposed crystals warbled it back with a final hallow dream. "This is a great find! It's going to be a great claim! We best be sure to submit the paperwork to the supervisor, so the main mine can't claim this! It's just outside the kingdom's claim, too! Check out how pure this crystal is! You should check it out, neighbor!" The youngest held out a beautiful crystal mostly of the pale pink-purple color, with some deeper purple that reminded me of amethyst.

I accepted it and studied it, sniffing and peering into it. Nothing much happening, but I did feel a cool, humming energy. So like a dumbass, I channeled soul into it. Thankfully, the tip was aimed away from me and everyone else when it shot a weak beam of light into the ceiling. A few pebbles fell in the middle of my crown and I sighed, shaking my head like a disgruntled dog. I looked up and there was a very, very light scorch mark.

"...well, that explains the mining lasers." The eldest commented wryly.

Everyone laughed, myself included. "Well. I'll give this back to you, that's all I needed to really see."

Well, that was… a relief, actually. They patted my shoulder. "Come back 'round, alright stranger? Maybe give us your name next time!"

"Call me Benui, neighbors. Do your bosses treat you well?" I asked casually.

They looked at each other and laughed, hard. "Benui, you're hilarious! You know, boss is another word for I got a headache, don't you know!" The youngest one spoke up. "I'm Jenah!"

"Dorah!" "Norah!" Called the others, with the oldest being Norah.

I bowed fancily. "Very pleased to meet you all. I bid you all farewell, I hope we meet again someday."

I turned and walked away; it wouldn't be the last time I went to Crystal Peak, by far. It was time for me to return. I know there was one place I hadn't hit up, but I wasn't ready to go there. Not yet, until I was ready to move forward. She'd wait there for me until I had the songs I wanted to sing.

I just needed to decide which songs I needed for the lost goddess most.

Chapter Text

I took the tram back, once I got back to the Crossroads; it just connected closer to the palace than the stagways. Having multiple methods of transportation is great! There were a solid amount of people at both stag and tram stations; there might only be three stops, but the two methods seemed to complement each other; neither were overburdened and both had their pros and cons. The stag stations brought you to basically all the major areas in Hallownest, with quick jaunts between one and the other if you were on a visit, but it wasn't really good to do if you were carrying anything. The trams had only a handful of stations, but it brought you long distances and was safer for both you and anything you might be carrying.

I reminded myself to check if there were plans yet to build a stop in Deepnest; it would have to be halted and canned before it got people killed. Whatever benefit it would have was not worth it. I definitely had a lot on my mind. Once I was off the tram, I got out of sight and let the illusion go. Over the course of the small journey, my clothes had rather noticeably darkened into a deep blue color, not quite black. Kind of odd, given it started off life as kind of a worn, undyed linen.

It had just been a single day, going to so many places like a tourist but it left me knowing so much despite the short time I spent each place. I wrote up three summons, handing each to a messenger, the last going to one of the actual knights, Isma specifically. She was small enough to manage the tunnels and had ranged options the others didn't, along with a sweeter manner than the others and not being the queen's personal bodyguard.

I bathed, changed clothes and felt a world better. Bristle brushes are the best. Once I had checked on some plans and sent messages to cancel the planning stage of the Deepnest station, I knew it was time to talk to the White Lady a bit. I went to the queen's garden, where she was basking in the warmth, tendrils in the dirt. My wife is kind of a tree person. "My r-Root?" I cut myself off a bit; why did that keep coming to me? My Root?

"Ah, beloved Wyrm. Come to play among my branches after wandering our lovely kingdom?" She spoke happily, sounding a bit flirty.

Um, no. "I wanted to discuss having a meeting in a few days with some important people from our kingdom and one of outside it. I learned a lot, I'll be organizing a few royal inspections and will be working with some of the omsbudsmen and public advocates on how the big businesses are currently run and making sure they aren't running afoul of rules or oppressing our citizens." I commented dryly. "The meeting itself though will be about Deepnest."

"Are we finally invading them? There's a lot of space there…" She frowned. "But a lot of strange practices among their people."

"Ah, no. The opposite. Discussing peace accords. They migrated here before our kingdom was fully established. They built their home, they should have the right to it and we just don't know enough to manage or govern those lands effectively. Deepnest is… dangerous, to our average citizen." I put it very, very mildly.

She shuddered. "Let us speak of more pleasant things. What did you learn of the places you've been?"

I chatted with her about the things I'd seen and experienced, aside from a few details of my experience of Unn, only that she sensed that I was not the same since the incident in the Abyss. "Do you blame the Abyss for what happened?"

I didn't have to think about that, but I did need to think about how I'd put it. "No, actually. When I woke up, I was scared because I didn't know where or who I was, realizing I didn't remember how I got there, but before I woke up, I had a dream of the void entity." I spoke, voice going clinical. "It seemed… kind. Stern, but kind. I think my plan wouldn't have worked. My foresight, it's… I'm not sure how it works exactly, I haven't had any visions or any real insight." Not about the future, in any case.

"You seem to care a lot more for people, my love. Oh, you had a care for your subjects and worshippers as one in your position should. I would not have given you my love had you been so disconnected, but you never related to them, you never had such empathy-yet you still have such compassion for those unlike yourself. Especially now." She spoke gently. "You are trying so hard to do good, I cannot help but admire you more." She spoke softly. "So what are we to do?"

"We need to make peace with whoever we can and forge new bonds. To do the latter, we'll need to do serious research and outreach." I spoke bluntly. "We can't do it alone, so we won't if she won't listen. If she does, I'll make sure she buries her share of the bodies."

She made a sad sound. "That's how you used to talk, but I think this plan… I like this plan much better. I tire now. Shall we seek our rest?" She smiled with her eyes at me.

I can do it for her. "Rest, yes. Let us retire, sweet Root." I held out my hand.

The morning would come soon enough, with Lurien, his butler, Queen Vespa's representative, Monomon and a rather strangely familiar isopod who was taking notes for the jellyfish. "We shall introduce ourselves for those who don't know each other. I am of course, The Pale King, also known as the Wyrm."

"I am Lurien, the Watcher and high priest of the Imperial Cult, this is my butler, Darfel, who assists me in all things." "I am called Euglossini." The pink-colored bee bowed. "I represent the Queen Vespa of the Hive and I speak with her voice as elected and accepted by our colony."

"I am Monomon, called the Teacher and head of the archives. I love books. I love all sorts of books and I love studying life and pondering where I and other life come from." The jellyfish spoke in a surprisingly feminine tone. "I am genderless, but I go by she/her pronouns."

"I am Quirrel, a student of Monomon's and I love to learn and traveled much before settling down." The student chirped up, his voice cracking with his youth.

Oh my gods, he's a teenager. Cute! "A true honor. Each of you have been called for two most important matters." I spoke, projecting my voice and trying to be as serious as possible. "Before we move forward-there's something we need to agree on: the conflict between Hallownest and Deepnest has lasted long enough. My summons asked you to reflect on our shared history with that nest, to look past the biases and assumptions."

"Ah yes, they're very fascinating!" Monomon spoke cheerfully. "I have a handful of weaver students, but I've had to break up a lot of bullying… of them, not by them."

"We've had a long tradition of trade and fosterage between our lands." Euglossini spoke up. "We are not allies, but we're friendly enough."

"Well, while we've had raids on our outposts near there and some violence, it's about the same as any other group." Lurien commented. "I looked up the statistics last night. It was quite a surprise with their reputations."

Maybe an unearned reputation. "I would like to organize a general peace with the Deepnest. Would that be something you believe that would be unsupportable for you?" I spoke calmly.

"Oh, the opposite. I love my weaver students!"
"Oh dear, no. They've been decent enough visitors."
"The Hive has no official opinion but would support better relations."

Each spoke in turn, looking at each other and almost speaking over each other. "Well, that's good." I commented. "Because I have invited the leader, Herrah to this meeting. Do come in, lady Herrah." I spoke loudly.

The group burst into chatter as the blue-mantled huge spider woman walked into the room before quieting as she glared each down. "Pipe down, I already regret this but I'm willing to come to the table." She spoke with acid tones.

Oh yes, the meeting is off to a great start!

Chapter Text

Once everyone calmed down, I reigned in my light and used it to disguise how my robe was slowly darkening. "Alright, enough." I spoke a little harshly. "There are three purposes of this meeting: Firstly, to discuss a peace agreement between Deepnest and Hallownest. The White Lady sat silent at the other side of the table from me. She would stay quiet for most of the meeting, she didn't have much to add in any case and the meeting was to inform the others of things she already knew.

"Secondly, to discuss some internal problems We noticed in our kingdom. We're not perfect, but we should ever strive for excellence. "Thirdly, to discuss a sickness that's spreading around the kingdom." I finished. "Let us discuss the first, then the third items first. Herrah. We have heard that your leadership's at risk due to factors out of your control. We are willing to help and that help does not rely or get put into this agreement. We have both personal and political reasons to do this. You are a strong leader and I respect what you've done to hold things together in the midst of your grief. I cannot imagine what you're going through. It also benefits Our kingdom to ensure that Deepnest is a stable regime instead of torn by internal struggles over leadership."

She huffed. "Do you need to be so cold about that? You sound like a bard student trying to learn to enunciate!"

I actually laughed. "That must be hard! Ahh, well. What are your primary concerns, lady Herrah?" I asked more seriously, yet with a more relaxed demeanor. "With the kingdom, with Our management. We cannot promise exactly better treatment by Our citizens, but We may spread some propaganda and start initiatives to help people feel more comfortable with Our Deepnest neighbors." I was already finding those plural pronouns irritating; oh well.

"We need food, badly. We have a lot of surplus to sell of other things, the raids were because our hunting grounds were encroached on and the animals growing much more aggressive. It's dangerous." She spoke seriously. "Open trade is a must. About fifteen traders at least allowed beyond the three currently in the kingdom." She leaned in, hands on the table. "And an end to the meaningless agreement you have with the mantises to repel my people from their gate."

"We cannot promise yet that We can end that agreement, but We suspect they'd be open to modification. They don't want your people raiding their village and it's old rivalries there if We're not mistaken. As for the rest, We have a meeting with the omsbudsmen for another matter, but We can authorize special dispensations. Your silk and skills will be most welcome to many endeavors." I spoke honestly. "Any other suggestions?"

Herrah listed out some demands that were reasonable, some that weren't. I can't control people being jerks and I don't want to. They'd have consequences and that's all I could really do about that. I couldn't require people to buy their silk, but the tariffs would be gone, just a much smaller passage fee for handling the paperwork and that would go both ways.

"Alright. Here's the final for now version to show to your fellows to judge. I know that you have other factions who wish a say, but just in case…" I put down my signature, with my personal seal. "Here. I'll begin talking to the necessary people once it's done."

"You're very trusting." I touched her hand briefly as she stared me down. He's making this too easy, this isn't right. Why is he giving me so much? Any of the clan heads would be fools to not accept this. Oh, oops. I had not intended to read her mind; I really have to remember I'm a touch telepath.

"Ah… no, not exactly. That seal will let Us know if the agreement is modified on that parchment. That's why Our personal seals have Soul in them." I explained. She began to rise, perhaps thinking that was all to the meeting. "Please do not leave yet, lady Herrah. The next part is important to you, too and you must understand what we're all facing. We would not have you be unprepared for the threat to Our peoples." I leaned in towards her, staring her in the eyes, despite how… intimate that felt.

She sat back down and I sighed. "You may have heard that We had a plan. That there was some sort of sickness spreading through Our kingdom. The rumors are true, there is an Infection that has started to take the lives of Our citizens. Worse, it keeps them moving even after their bodies die. The Infection has a being behind it, who rages due to how Our kingdom grew. The plan that We considered is no longer an option." Not least because I lack the stomach for it, but because I wanted to do something better. "But there is a new plan. Part of that plan involves putting needless fighting to bed. There's a bigger threat out there and each of us has a part to play in this."

The group looked around at each other once I finished speaking. Those with them had antennae twitching and swiveling around, but all put out a scent of concern and some put out fear. Quirrel and Monomon were curious, but Herrah sat ramrod straight in her chair, smelling like she was ready to challenge someone for territory. I'm not sure how I know what that scent, but I could absolutely tell she was 100% ready to kick someone's ass. "And how long did you know about this without telling anyone?" Herrah's voice was low, full of threat.

"You have to understand. At first, we didn't know where it was from and established a quarantine for those ill. It seemed to do the trick, but then others in a district far from there got sick with the same symptoms. That's when we found the effect of walking even in death." The reports of it had been harrowing. I had read them while learning of the laws of this place before my journey. "It is from those reports that We eventually figured it out and began researching a plan. It was a matter of days before We descended down to the Abyss to suss out the suitability of the plan. We concluded the cost was far too high. While all other plans We'd considered to that point had no chance of success, that one's chances were too low for such horrific requirements to make happen. The injury that We sustained there was confirmation that our original plan to use the Void to place a stasis on the kingdom and contain the infection in a sealed magical vessel."

"Seals like the ones my people use." Herrah spoke, leaning back. "So, even then you were considering an accord?"

"It's a reasonable assumption." I let her assume that I was confirming that. It was my guess as well, but I couldn't wholly know. "Our new plan has its own dangers and not high chances of success, but it's the next best shot. As for the rest of the plan, We desire to see how this peace and connections fostered today will last and grow deeper. It is Our dearest hope to see both those outside Our kingdom and such important figures within it communicate. Progress relies on communication, after all."

"Oh, sure. We'll just join hands and sing Starlight together." She spoke sarcastically. "No worries about the many deaths at the hands of your people and the mantises on your personal orders." Herrah sounded furious, but she didn't actually smell furious.

"The deaths went both ways, Herrah. To move on and make sure it happens only rarely in fights or individual murders requires us both to move on and forgive each other for those killings and raids. I shut down the Deepnest tram station project, so you know. I found records indicating that you'd lodged a protest with my ambassadors. It's not worth the loss of life and disrespect to our neighbor to build it. I hope we can discuss it when tempers are less frayed, but only at your suggestion that we build it." Which will be fourth of never, I bet.

Lurien and Darfel both smelled offended, with the latter exclaiming "well, I never!"

Monomon giggled a bit. "Oh, that was quite a low blow! I like you." She laughed louder as Herrah glared at her a bit.

Then Herrah burst into laughter. "Well, you really have had a change of heart, Wyrm! Let's see how long it lasts. I have to prepare my people. Then, is quarantine useless?" She sounded grim once more.

"We're afraid so. It spreads most through touch, but it also spreads through dreams. The disease is a magical one, not an ordinary one." I replied to her, flumping over in my chair a bit. "By earth and sky, We wish it were otherwise."

She sighed and got up. "Well, I have things to do."

"Before you go-" The White Lady spoke gently. "May I speak to you in private confidence?"

Herrah tilted her head, curiosity filling her scent. "...I don't see why not. Let's enjoy some tea while we talk. I even brought knitting." She spoke with a husky laugh.

That's actually a good idea for them to meet. Herrah and the White Lady left the meeting. "My king, why did you let her insult you like that?" Lurien asked quietly.

"I let her get away with that for multiple reasons. First, what she said was materially true. Secondly, I need her agreement for peace and getting angry over it would have given her an excuse to walk out on the accords. Thirdly, nothing she said actually upset or offended me." I commented. Unsaid: Fourthly, I don't remember doing any of that stuff, so it's not my fault.

"Monomon, Lurien, you two are the most insightful people in the kingdom. Had you two met in person before this point?" I asked them.

Monomon tapped her mask, shifting in her tank. "Oh, I don't actually think so. It's a bit of a trek to get here in my tank to the City of Tears. Your messenger brought a coach to make my travel easier, which cut the time in half."

Hmmm, maybe three more tram stops in Hallownest? One in Dirtmouth, one in the City of Tears, one by the Teacher's archive? I wrote down the ideas to research later if it was feasible. "I imagine with your tanks that riding on a stag isn't an option."

"No, not really." She laughed. "Ah, such is the sorrows of being an aquatic being. I am glad to meet you, though. Your use of charcoal for your sketches gives the paint such an interesting hue! And how do you manage to get all the colors to match each other so well?"

"Ah, well-" I quietly withdrew from the room, letting the two get along better by themselves. They didn't need my help.

I passed by the door where Herrah and the White Lady spoke. "...my partner would have carried, but we weren't able to conceive. We tried everything, we were lucky to even be allowed to marry, you see and the chances were low but I loved-" I moved quickly away. Nope, not my monkeys, not my circus.

I found my way to my rooms and tunneled under the blankets and pillows, hugging one to myself, not caring I was wrinkling some very, very nicely soft silk. I didn't understand why it was hitting me, this sad, nostalgic feeling for a life I couldn't remember much of. Why did it matter? What use was it to shed tears for that other life? Why am I crying?

I was overwhelmed. Everything I had been through, the pretending, the lies, the responsibility, it weighed down on me. It's too much. I thought, blinking silvery tears onto the pillow. I needed to let go of that. I was also… terribly alone, outside Root.

Who do I want to be, if I can't be the Pale King of before? I pondered.

…I had a partial answer. While it had been kind of right, the name I'd been spouting felt like it fit into a hole in my chest. I didn't want to be a stranger anymore, not someone who was only here temporarily. I didn't have a way back, I died in the cold, alone. Did I want to keep being like that? Cold and alone?

No. I would become Benui, whoever e was. I felt wrung out after my cry, but it felt like I'd lanced an infected blister and was free of poison. I need to tell Root at least the truth about how I don't feel for her. It's cruel to keep her hoping for a return to being her husband.

I could at least do that much. Once I calmed down, I straightened my bed out and flew my way down the hall, just to feel the weightlessness of it. I would talk to her over our shared meal.

I got to the dining room and waited for her to arrive.

Chapter Text

I didn't want to do this; I didn't want to hurt her. There was nothing for it, I cared about her enough to not lead her on. This had to be done, but damn it all this sucks! It absolutely sucked and I couldn't put it off anymore. She finally came to the dining room once her conversation with Herrah was done. Plates were laid before us, with actual food on mine. "Leave us." I spoke to the servants abruptly.

They hurried away. "Dear wyrm, what is ever the matter?" She reached out to touch my face, to try to comfort me.

I grasped her tendril. "...don't, not yet. We need to talk first. My journey is not the reason for this, it's something I've been thinking much about the past weeks."

She took a small bite of her meal and looked up at me. "Please, talk to me. You look very serious and you smell more sad than usual." She spoke softly.

I am going to disappoint you. "It hurts, because you are so lovely and loving and I want to tell you what you most desire to hear, that I would welcome your touch, you as a lover once more. I care for you, dear Root yet it is not as a lover." Never, ever can I forgive that willingness. "I cannot. Those feelings are not something I can grasp for you as I am. The person this body was, he is gone. I am not… comfortable with gender either. Please… please refer to me without gender, as e or ey, em, eir." I spoke the last in a bit of a rush.

"You still care and love, but that love is without attraction. I understand. You're crying." She spoke softly. "We'll celebrate together, but I shall give you space to figure out what comes next for yourself. We both want what's best for our people, I can see that even if my eyes begin to fail me."

I touched my cheek, finding it wet and let out a sob. I hugged my friend, my dearest friend, who hugged me back. She rubbed my back. "I'm sorry-I'm sorry, Root-" I sobbed out.

"Shhhh, it's alright dear. You haven't been Chains in weeks. He died in that place, I can see that now. You're just a wholly other person. Do you have a name you desire more than Chains?" She asked softly.

"Benui." I spoke softly.

"...bengnuih? Evening?" It sounded like the same word, yet it seemed to ring something inside me with a comfort.

"...yes. It feels… fitting." I spoke in nearly a whisper. "Benui. It came to me as I journeyed."

"Ahh, Chains is truly gone, then." She mouthed a word that seemed to echo, though without the sound, her tendril held in the way so I couldn't tell what it was. She waited for something, but her eyes closed in defeat when whatever it was did not happen before setting down a broken-looking charm. "...as I thought. His true name does nothing for you. In time, you'll figure out your own." She looked down at her plate. "Excuse me, my dear. I have much to think of on my own." She spoke softly, tears brimming in her eyes.

She rose from her seat, before making her way out. I let her go, eating my meal before checking on what she had left behind-ah. I… I know what this is. I pulled out the other half and rejoined them, before storing it where the half had hidden before. It was… done. The Kingsoul was reformed and we would be considered wed no more.

I walked to the throne room to make my announcement, eyes pointed forward, with nothing to guide or distract me there. I spoke, weaving the spell of peace on my people with words I did not hear and would not remember after.

Wee num ga… hymme sos falfa…

The rest of the day was not quiet, but full of bugs who kept cheering, bursting into happy tears or just smelling happy-or occasionally smug. The latter was not something I expected.

Wow! I could even feel good about the meeting's outcome! There were some things yet to sort out and I'd be in meetings with the ombudsman and trade minister in the morning followed by a final meeting with Herrah, but I had no doubts that there would be a lot of good from both the mundane silk and the soul-drenched silk yarn and cloth we could get from the Deepnest clans. There was a public cafeteria of sorts, where the various courtiers took their meals, with a partial subdividing wall, with one side marked with a fern, the other with a symbol of a tiktik to indicate which side was for which kind of diet. There were tables laden with foods, some heated and some chilled, with labels for everything on the table and the very least, a symbol for what diets they were good for, along with a bowl of gullet stones for those who needed or liked them, with a request to leave used ones in the dirty dishes receptacle.

I am primarily a carnivore who likes mushrooms and occasional grains to aid in digestion, so I plucked food and took a sweet-smelling drink to go with it that I had not tried yet in this life. It had a mildly vinegar scent to it, that I wasn't sure of but once I tried it-it was very clearly alcohol, a very sweet one that I went back for multiple cups of to enjoy. I wondered about cooking the foods I had for breakfast in it and I sent a note to the kitchen, asking to chat with one of the cooks after those meetings were concluded about the potential of combining those things.

The upside of honey wine-or rather, mead: it's tasty when made well and can be mixed with various fruit for different flavors. The downside: Mead can be very strong. On one hand, I was a god whose tolerance of poisons was likely in the 'nigh immune' range-on the other hand, apparently, alcohol isn't something the old wyrm took much and so hadn't built up a true tolerance for it. (Not that I drank much, if hardly at all in my old life.) In other words? I got pleasantly drunk, more able to put one of my arms around fellow bugs and sing songs with the courtiers who were feasting. I had four arms and it was amazing to give four one-armed hugs as we sang for he's a jolly good fellow and other celebratory songs unique to Hallownest, including an eerie light has come to our home-nest that reminded me of a Polish wedding song I heard once on hurdy-gurdy.

I did not expect Lurien to show up, with a little nectar for drinking and laughing alongside everyone else. He did, eventually notice that I was just shy of roaring drunk and started guiding me back, with a cup or three of water to help me get more sensible. "Come on, your majesty." He chuckled as we stepped into the cooler air of the hallway.

"Lurien! Friend! Yes… friend…" I put my two right arms against him, my lower, less capable hand squeezing around his hip. "We're at peace, isn't peace grand? So much… happiness… I made them happy, didn't I?"

He laughed a bit. "You certainly did. Monomon has been a fun new friend for me, it's hard to imagine we'd put off so many meetings just based on reputation and not really needing more than reports between us-I truly thank you for that." He spoke softly.

"Oh, she's a delight and her student's a good bug! He'd be true to her, unto the bitter end, you know. He'll be such… such a good friend to those who earn his trust." I swayed, my little legs at the end of my body not quite allowing me to stumble.

He removed his heavy cloak once we got close to my rooms, the mask of his office in his left arm, wrapped in the deep, midnight blue of his cloak. "Your cloak's turning darker again, sire. Ah… Wyrm, why did you leave us at that point? I appreciated the chance to get to know Monomon and the break you gave us, but… we rather missed your presence. We want to be your friend, too." He spoke softly. "Forgive me… it's a bit presumptuous."

I looked up at him and began to tear up. "Oh, Lurien. I'm a bore! I'm… I shouldn't be a king, or-or-or, really anything I am! And please. When it's just you and I, please call me Benui. I'm… non-gendered. I am more than male, after all and…" I put my mask into his fluffy chest. "...soft. Maybe I drank too much after all." I giggled.

"...yes, Benui. You're very drunk. I didn't know gods could get drunk." He spoke wryly.

"Well, neither did I!" I pronounced.

Both of us looked at each other, all three of his eyes to my own two and we both started laughing hysterically as we got to the rooms. "Come, relax… relax with me." I pleaded. "I… I don't want to be alone. She's gone."

He followed me into my rooms, watching as I shed the robes, flicking out my wings. He sat on the bed as I got comfortable, head on his lap being careful of my fork-tine horns. He pulled the blanket over me as I curled up into his chest. "Soft…" I vocalized.

"...Benui, what do you mean by she's gone?" Lurien asked softly.

"I broke up… with my wife… who I don't remember being a spouse to… is it fair to not want to be that kind of close to someone who's willing… to do horrible things in desperation? Is it fair? Is it fair to hold the old plan against her? I don't know. My heart just… aches, when I think of… closeness with her like that." I rambled to Lurien. "I'm such a fraud." I whispered and found myself starting to sob uncontrollably.

He rubbed my back. "I understand. You… you didn't want to hurt any more than necessary for dealing with the dangers. You aren't a fraud for that, you are a person in a frankly horrifying situation. I cannot wholly understand what you're going through, Benui but loss is something I understand, as is losing someone important to me. But along with loss comes people who do stand with you. Darfel isn't just my butler, but a dear friend as well that I trust at my side. He wasn't always there, however and those that were there, I lost by coming into your service for more reasons than coming into your service itself." He spoke with an aching melancholy.

…oh. I embraced him. "Well, I already love you, friend." I spoke quietly before touching my head to his.

He became a complete sputtering mess as the world slid away from me in sleep. I woke with him gone and a mild crick in my neck, as well as a cottony mouth. Yuck. Clean living for me, going on!

I sought silence and pulled the light into myself, before praying to the Lord of Shades. I'll be visiting you, soon. I prayed before getting ready for my indeterminate amount of meetings.

I'll not bore you with the many details, complaints and hashing out between the officials, myself and Herrah. Only the conversation I had once I sent the officials out of the room. "Now that we're alone… Herrah, warrior of Deepnest. You've done much to bring our kingdoms together and I understand that you have very good reasons to not trust me, or my word. I will tell you a truth in consequence before granting you your heart's desire. My offer will not rely on the peace or trade." I really want to meet Hornet, dammit.

She growled a bit. "Did the Root break my confidence?" She growled.

"Not at all. I passed by the room and heard a snippet, but this offer was thought of before that point." I clarified. "I heard about the loss of your spouse and for that, I am personally very sorry for their death. I have heard from another source that your situation as leader in Deepnest and its peace are very tenuous, at best due to this death. Is that correct?" I asked bluntly.

"...right to the point, I appreciate that." She drawled. "Yes, all of that is correct. I had heard that you're some sort of seer or psychic. I hadn't put much stock in that before. As fascinating as that is, what do you mean by granting my heart's desire? I might want to explain that I have used soul to gain the outer form I desire, but my ability to be a mother is… sadly non-existent." She sighed. "My partner, my dear wife, the one they called the Sire, she was to be the bearer. Others do not know of the changes my mother helped me weave in my form as a child. I am, as a woman, barren." She spoke with strained tones. "I don't think that any more soul or magic can change that, I've looked." She sounded almost… wounded.

I mulled over these things. "There's a few things that I can actually do. One of the lesser known things about me is that I don't actually hold with gender. I have the capacity of both male and female, as well as magic that could weave a child in the womb of another." Which won't work, if she's actually trans. I am not going to experiment on a foreign dignitary, in any case. "Without erm. The sweaty bits. I know some are very… picky on partners and I would not dream of propositioning someone who feels disgust for me." I blurted out.

She stopped. Stared a moment and then laughed. "You-you-!" She laughed some more. "Ever since that meeting ended, that has not been the case. Well, you're offering to help me have a child and say you are an androgyne. Am I right to believe you'd be the carrier?" She asked, before I nodded. "...that's acceptable. My people would accept a child if the sire was a god, I should think. Strength's important and what's stronger than a god? In any case, what about your wife?" She mused.

Well, another god for one and the void. I didn't say as much. The White Lady and I parted for reasons unrelated to you. So you are… agreeable, to this offer?"

She looked at me. "...yes, quite enthusiastically." She bent and touched her forehead to mine.

I let out a squawk. The rest of that meeting included lots of magic. Any more you'd have to ask Herrah for, and I doubt she'd tell you much but probably lie or misdirect for humorous effect. I wouldn't know though if the magic worked for a few weeks. I walked out, feeling strange but content. More good deeds for the world. I aimed myself for a soul totem and touched it with my claws, feeling the warm regard of the Lord of Shades.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I hope I'm doing the right thing. I prayed to them. The pressure's high, but I'm trying and I'm… I'm grateful, for the second chance you've given me.

Good. I look forward to seeing what you do next, melancholic child. Came the strong, silent voice of the depths. I am glad as you are that you fell into my hands, that you accepted my offer. You deserved more than your cold end and it touches my soul that you're doing your best to make yourself worthy of this life. You don't take it for granted and I am glad you've stayed brave so far.

I teared up as they spoke to me. I leaned in and touched my head to the statue and… for a moment, I sensed… affection, confusion and pride. Oh… I stumbled back from the statue.

"I need to… I know how I'm going to fix this, but I need more information." I muttered and ran for the tea room.

To my surprise, Herrah was enjoying tea with Monomon and Lurien. "I know how we're going to deal with the infection. We need to do research into the other gods of Hallownest. The Dreaming Unn, the lost one and the Lord of Shades." I spoke confidently. "Monomon, you don't strike me as a book-breaker or scroll-burner. I need whatever you have. Herrah, you're outside context, you don't worship me. I need your insight as well. I need you three to help my dream come to pass, so we can end a nightmare."

Herrah flinched a bit in surprise. "You're sure? It sounds familiar, I'll start asking around the bards of my kingdom and storytellers. Maybe the midwife might know…" She muttered.

It was time to make things right.

ACT 2 CONCLUDED.

Chapter Text

"*******... **th**...?" Came a familiar voice. "Breakfast is being served across the alley." Came a friendly voice, one of my two roommates.

A stranger lifted eir head from the pillow, groaning as they swung their legs around on the bed. A sheet beneath them and a sheet over them was enough this time of year, it was hot. My computer and a chair sat nearby, the nightstand with my plugged in phone next to me. Man, why does my head feel so heavy this morning?

"Yeah, yeah. I'm getting up." I groaned out, shutting off my phone alarm; I had gone to sleep in a bra and loose pants. I slid on a shirt, cursing as it got caught on… horns? Nah, I don't have those. Just getting fatter.

Not that there was much to get excited about for breakfast; I rinsed off my face in the bathroom and checked the washer-dryer to see if they were empty. Then I went up the stairs inside, stepped out, climbed the stairs outside to go across the alley to the building that served the pitiful meals I was expected to eat, my feet clacking against the wood oddly. At least the retirement home I was at was air-conditioned.

Once inside, I quickly checked the office and found the manager there. "...my roommate still has been harassing me." I stated evenly to the older woman.

"I'm sorry, **th**, but it's your word against hers." She sighed. "She keeps complaining that you have a pet…"

I shook my head. "You've seen my room, you are welcome to inspect it again at any time. I've got nothing to hide; no food, no bowls for a pet, no smell, nothing. I can't afford a pet." I commented acidly. The only thing in there that I'd bought myself was the computer a friend had helped me out with, built out of spare parts.

The woman in charge shrugged. "Nothing I can do. You're not breaking the rules, so nothing is going to happen."

Sure as shit, you can threaten me over calling the cops on my roommate for trying to break down the door. Somehow her doing that isn't against the rules!? I yelled at her in my head. I didn't dare talk back, though. I didn't want to go back to the homeless shelter.

No matter. Time to get the lunch that was waiting in the cafeteria if it wasn't too late. It was hot. The bed being lined with plastic made it worse. I was getting back-ne something fierce and I was shaking with hunger, not that the pitiful breakfast served would be helpful; one of the little cereal bowls and a carton of milk. I poured myself coffee with a sigh, adding sugar and sat down, pouring milk into the cereal and some into the coffee before tucking into my meal. Four hands is awesome.

All this with climbing up stairs both ways. And people wonder why I don't come here for breakfast and miss meals… I thought angrily.

There's no point to this anger. None. I can't do anything about any of this yet. I walked back, watering my little aloe plant. Something went sideways in my head. That died when I moved away from the transitional housing to the small town I lived in for a few years. I thought. Wait… what? I looked down at myself and I couldn't see the clothes I used to wear, no jeans, no random tee. Just my wyrm body.

What the void. Is… is this a dream?

My surroundings blurred and I was in another place, a house I didn't recognize at all. A girl with pale hair and gray eyes, her face extremely familiar. She looked at me in awe. "Wow, who are you?" She asked softly.

"Benui, now." I spoke softly to her, holding out my hand. The young girl grasped my own. "Do we know each other somehow?"

"No, I don't know any weird-looking monsters." She wore a wry expression. "Just my ^%^%'s parents. Not that I ever knew either of my real parents or my %^%^'s parents."

"That's because your %^%^'s parents died before you were born, I'm sorry to say. You would have loved Karen. She wanted to leave you a piano to learn on." I spoke, without understanding why I knew that. "Your other grandma was a very sweet woman." None of these details rang a bell for anything.

"Do you know who my parents are?" She asked, an expression of painful yearning. "Why did they abandon me?" She burst into tears.

"Oh, sweetheart." I hugged her, rubbing her back soothingly. I couldn't stand to see a child in so much pain. "You are so loved, people fought over who got to raise you." Tears fell on my face. "Your parents never wanted to leave you behind. Nobody willingly did."

She looked confused. "Did someone make them leave?"

I opened my mouth as our surroundings shifted. I was in the abyss…? I was started from my answer by the change to the dark, but comfortable place. She looked as surprised as I felt. "...what the-" I whispered.

AAAA

"Aren't you forgetting something, **th**?" Came a mocking voice. "I always knew you deserved to die in a gutter."

"Grandma…?" The girl whispered in confusion. "Why does she sound like that? Why is her voice here?"

I knew why her voice sounded like that, why I recognized at least that much. She hates me. "You disgust me. You're a habitual liar just like your mother. Look at the baby, wehh! Wehh! You deserve nothing. Don't even think about talking to my sons, pig. How can you stand yourself?" The voice continued.

BBBB

"Why… why is she talking like this?" The girl spoke in horror. "Why would grandma say these things? This… this is a nightmare!"

I turned and put my hand on the girl's shoulder. "It's okay. The person she said those things to, that person can't be hurt by her anymore. She is just a hateful, vengeful person." I told her softly. "She said that to her older stepchild and worse. She doesn't say those things to you?"

She shook her head. "No… but… she does say mean things to my cousin."

What have I forgotten that was important? I wondered as I looked the child over. Is this a niece? "That's not okay for her to treat anyone like that, no matter if they get into a lot of trouble or not." I spoke softly. "Please hold onto me, we'll fly somewhere safer for you."

I flew her to the top, where two familiar vessels waited, small as her who glomped onto her silently, hugging her as the girl began to laugh. "You're all so cute!" She squealed. "Who are they?"

"That's… a complicated question. They were born to me in one world, but not this one." I sat and hugged all three children. "They were little Ghost and Hollow." I commented, surprised by the two little vessels hugging me more directly, bonking their masks to my own like affectionate, excited kisses.

She teared up, the gendered child on my lap and hugged me. "I wish you were my ^%^%." She whispered.

"I know, sweetie. But you cannot be here, this isn't a place safe for you right now." I whispered.

A mostly red bug stepped through the door, gently extracting the girl and picking her up. "No! Give me back! Don't make me go back!" The girl began to scream.

"Cease, A***." The creature in red rasped out. "Calm. You cannot stay, not as you are and not without help. Pale King. Aren't you forgetting something rather important?" He asked, mildly mocking.

What am I forgetting? Who is this girl? Why did I want her back in my arms? "Nightmare King Grimm." I spoke softly; it was the only bug it could be.

"Clever one, aren't you? Yes, that is my name." He smiled and set down the human girl, holding onto her hand tightly as he looked me over. "You'll do well, for the task at hand. It's time for you both to wake." He snapped and-

I sat up, tears on my face. I touched my face and wondered what the hell that dream was about. What was that girl? Was she some figment put together by my fragmented memory? What did the Nightmare King mean by both needing to wake up?

I sighed and got up; it had been weeks since the party, with me getting reports from Monomon, both on parchment and in-person and Lurien was the same, but more meetings that were simply unwinding with tea or talking about… nothing, really and anything. Books, politics, history, fascinating magical doings. Sometimes I listened to him talk about his work, both as the Watcher of the City and Whisperer.

"How do you manage being a spy on top of what you do?" I asked him quietly, giving the lightly vibrating wingsmould on my lap scritches to the void under their metal protective shell. "The infiltration is hard, people know what you look like."

"...do they, though?" He commented softly. "I wear a mask. I veil deeply. Nobody outside my butler and a very drunk god has seen my body without it since I left home. My family won't tell anyone and none connect who I was to who I am, which is a good thing. What I am is why I wear a body veil." He explained.

I straight up was too drunk to remember more of his body than being surprised he was fluffy. "...oh, right." Hallownest's main species, beetles, tended to be prejudiced against certain species, like maggots, flukes and softer-looking species. Marissa was an exception due to her beautiful voice, but butterflies were generally held to be pretty and frail, not workers. You learn things when you hide in a corner of the lunch room and eavesdrop, I mean people watch. "You're… fluffy." That's what I remembered, alright!

He laughed, as I huffed indignantly. "Yes, I am. I was quite unbalanced that day, with you curling up after giving me such an affectionate kiss. I hardly knew what to think!"

Wait, what. "Kiss?" I echoed. "What do you mean, kiss?"

He giggled quietly. "The nuzzling, dear. That's how most bugs kiss."

That explains a few things and why I felt flustered about it when sober. "...oh. Ohhhh." I buried my face in my hands, letting the pleased wingsmould wander off my lap. "I'm so, so sorry for that."

"I didn't mind, dear Benui." He spoke softly. "It ah… helps that you are now unattached. I wouldn't want to be a homewrecker." He laughed nervously as I stared at him blankly.

"...oh. How do you feel about multiple loves? Oh and I might need to um… help Herrah with something." I stammered a little.

"Well, that's your lot, isn't it?" Lurien tilted his head. "To make difficult decisions for the peace and security of the kingdom?"

"A true king is the given sacrifice that goes willingly. To shed blood, so that her people might eat, but that has nothing to do with love." I spoke, a little taken aback. "You're my high priest, you worship me." I pointed out. "That's more than a little unequal, you know."

Oh gods, though how flustered I was now that I knew that he liked me. How do you handle that!? I'm his god! He laughed. "I know. You aren't very good at pretending to be a bug. You're more of a bug-shaped god, than a bug." He observed. "You have… absolutely zero chemistry with Herrah, and it felt sad watching you with the White Lady. It would be another god. I'm fine with that. I'm only mortal, after all."

I don't know you enough to really love you yet, but I do care about you and I think we'll come to that eventually. "That is true. Immortality is not something I'd want to inflict on you. You have mortal friends, loved ones. I would not want you to lose all that." Just as I had, though I kindly did not remember more than the fact that I had lost people I vaguely missed the idea of.

"You get it." Lurien chuckled. "You seem more… understanding. You do and remember things that you used to never do, or always forget." He reached out and chittered, smelling nervous as he stroked a hand from the tip of my horn to my jaw.

I felt my jaw moving and a weird purr come out of me. I realized that no, not quite. I was grumbling, like a wolf. Like my body was saying 'hmm, not sure if like.' "Let's not do that again today." I spoke up quietly. "I'm not sure if I like it and I really, really don't want any accidents with you." You are too squishy!

Lurien chuckled nervously. "Ah, well. Thank you for letting me do that this time."

I wanted something else, but I couldn't figure it out. I instead inserted a finger into my mouth and nibbled lightly in frustration. Four words: multiple rows of teeth. "Hmmmf." I grumbled to myself. "I think I need to get out of the palace a little while. I shouldn't need a guard." Xero was no match for me and last time Lurien heard of him, he was doing some volunteering out on the edge of the kingdom, slaying the more obnoxious and aggressive critters that were stealing from domestic herds of unintelligent bugs farmed for their meat. They weren't hunting the not-cattle, just stealing food. The Blackwyrm Battle had already happened and I couldn't think of anything outside the Radiance who'd be an actual challenge to me.

Lurien actually did purr. "So I should count on you tomorrow in the palace?" He queried.

"Yes. In time for our usual briefing on your intelligence. Your handlers are collecting today, then collating for you to look through after rest period?" I asked him.

Man, it has taken me a while to stop thinking of things in diurnal terms. We're underground, morning and night make no difference this deep underground. The moon has more of an effect. Lurien took out his tryptic, checking the soft wax record. "Oh, yes. That's right. I'll see you then, Wyrm."

I untangled myself from the stool I had been chatting from, wishing vaguely to lay my head on his lap as I ventured from the room, then the palace after informing one of the kingsmoulds, as well as one of the actually bug guards. I made sure to give the voidborn guards affection each day, even if mortals gave me strange looks sometimes for it.

Hey, "I" technically made them. Might as well do right by them best I can. As far as I can tell, they have only a very basic sort of intelligence that's animalistic and not really sentient as far as a human would understand it. They do, however, have feelings, which I'm wondering how the hell he missed, given I can sense them loud and clear! Did he ignore what his magic was telling him!?

I was grumbling about that as I found the gate to the void, pulling in the light, but not putting up an illusion. I watched my robes darken into a deep, indigo blue as I delved deep, black creeping up my fingers. I flexed them as I watched them do that; no feeling lost. I came to the shores of the lake, looking up. I spread out my arms and closed my eyes. "Lord of Shades, please come. I seek your company." I asked in a soft whisper.

The Lord of Shades formed, first as the huge, eight-eyed entity from the Godhome ending, then shrinking into a only slightly taller than me figure with two pairs of obvious eyes, and two pairs of 'hidden' eyes that made a tired-looking expression. They took a shaky step and I stepped forward in time to catch them. "Beautiful… you're so beautiful like this." They whispered to me, pressing their forehead to mine. "You don't ask for my blessings. You don't demand anything. You just give me your affection and friendship. So beautiful, this offering to a tired, old divinity."

I hugged them back, what else could I do. "Call me Benui. I'll call you Shade and I'll love you for this second chance. I can tell… it took a lot out of you, didn't it?" I asked gently.

They shook their head, their magnificent horns flickering like flames. "No, the price was paid, melancholic Benui. I merely opened the gate to worthy souls who resounded with the anger and sorrow contained within the core of the king's song. You have nothing to pay, nothing to prove-I am just… weak from being mostly forgotten and old." They whispered from my arms.

I opened my heart and poured the energy from the prayers my worshippers offered me this week into the god. "I'm going to fix this. I promise. You will not be forgotten." I promised them. "We're doing all the research we can from the documents on the cult to you."

A silent laugh echoed in my head as a tear fell from my face onto a black pawed hand. "Too kind. You offer me much, but it'll buy… us time." The pause in their words before saying us was noticeable.

"You gave me a new life. How can I not be grateful?" I asked, my voice now hoarse with emotion. "How can you ask that I forget that I rested in your hand, that you took me from that cold place and unfroze my heart?" I asked them, almost ready to sob.

Why was this hitting me so hard? Why was I crying? "You forgot much in the transition, but perhaps that is for the best-but eventually, you will face your truth. It is inevitable." They whispered. "Benui, you've named yourself well, as the god you're becoming. An honest, yet deceitful god. A kind, yet stern god. A faithful god who oft lacks faith in eirself. A sad god who feels such joy in life. Contrasts. No wonder the void does not burn you. Look in the waters. You're becoming more yourself, more Benui." They guided me to the end of the pier.

It wasn't just my hands. My eyes were stained, as were my once pristine horns. It felt… more right. We sat together on that pier, hand in hand and talked calmly about the past weeks and they listened to my nightmare. When I rose to return, I felt a weight off my back that I hadn't realized had been there, that had started to lift when I had confided in Lurien. I had to stop the dishonesty with those close to me. "Do you know where you're going from here?" They asked softly as I rose.

I purred, squeezing their hand. "To the person who needs most now to meet me, to the Queen's Garden."

The god's eyes followed me out, and I strode out with the intention of breaking my lies until they were nothing. I would not become a god of lies.

I would instead be a god of contrasts.

Chapter Text

It occurred to me on my way up the next day that I needed to figure out a few things. When I pulled the light into myself, I watched the effects of the void take hold much faster, more 'severe.' I caught my reflection, in one of the glass panes of the tram. My horns were stained, now, as were my claws, my pristine white silk now a beautiful indigo blue and ragged-looking from the effects of the void. Why blue, I wondered? Oh well.

Time would tell if this would stay like the light stains under my eyes that made me look perpetually tired to my human eyes, or wash away like the rest of the daubed water. It briefly flitted through my mind that the black ocean's waters was quite possibly the blood that pumped through the elder god's heart, so much older than I and yet still so holy despite their relative weakness. How on earth did the void lose focus? It had to be the loss of prayer.

Prayer was my meat, my wine. I can survive for a time dining on what I'm served, it helped my physical form stay healthy. If all my prayer were cutoff today, I wouldn't die today but I wouldn't be well after a while either. I couldn't imagine what it had to have been like to lose the 'ancient caste' that Jinn spoke of. I wish someone had been home there back at Dirtmouth! Oh well.

If the Confessor and her dear friend wished to speak to me, they'll likely find me. I wonder what Jiji is like when she's not sleepy after such a long slumber? My mind wandered as I walked my path. I stopped for a moment and turned my mind's eye inward. How had I not done that before? Had I been avoiding that?

I looked inside and found both light and darkness, in equal measure. It wasn't quite good and evil, I could sense different good things in both. The patient kindness in the dark, the courageous justice in the light; the cowardly people-pleaser in the darkness and the cold cruelty in the light. I was all of those things. I am all of those things. I pulled my mind from the view; I would have to revisit that later and figure out more of my powers.

I had also sensed some of the magic, like the spell I'd learned from the moth. It felt warm, soothing. There were also faded echoes of exec_LINKER, woven throughout me. That was… weird-and worrisome. I'd have to check on that more once I'd settled things a bit. I probably wouldn't have thought much about what LINKER was doing if it weren't for having exec_waath. I listened to the prayers on the air, but extremely few indeed were from the moths. When I couldn't find what I was looking for, I followed the resonance of the song. Thank you, Kinore. I sent gratitude and a blessing her way

I took deep breaths, stepping into the green. I pulled the darkness around me and the light together, like a cloak I'd forgotten I was wearing, scuttling across the sharp-scented earth. I knew the way through her garden, despite not having been there before. There were no outlaw mantises, though there were flying mosscreeps with white gleams for visible eyes that avoided me. The path wasn't as twisted as it would be in the future, with room for someone of Root's height to get through… barely.

I entered the arena the Traitor Lord inhabited and tried not to look too much at where Cloth would have died. There was no prison for my former wife, when I approached; only a garden awning and pair of stools, with a table with the White Lady and Dryya the fierce seated, enjoying tea. "Dryya, who do you see? I sense something like my beloved, but something is… off about it." The goddess spoke softly, voice tight with not quite sorrow.

"Yes, my queen." Dryya stood up and took her nail in hand.

Once upon a time, you were going to go mad. Then you were just a corpse. My mind unhelpfully supplied. Instead, I pulled the light around me, letting myself shine for their sakes. I felt the kindness fade, the doubt, the people-pleasing. Oh, that's definitely something to unpack later! "Dryya, leader, body guard. Beloved of Root. Please stand down so We can discuss some matters with Ar Vinan Waltonelico." I had to be a bit brutal and blunt with this. I had to fix this. "And you know that We are Ar Vinai Dia." I used my proper title, in Hymmnos, rather than the more common vernacular.

Gods, I hate how I sound, even as I think these things. How fucking cold and detached, how arrogant. But this is the person she'll listen to, who she expects… right? That's what I have to do. "Please guard the way, captain so that we may speak in private."

She hesitated and I felt a wash of unexpected irritation when she looked to the White Lady for confirmation. The goddess nodded. "I'll be fine, my dear. Go, this is a conversation that needs to be had. Did you sense it, my dear? Are you growing territorial as you had feared?" She spoke softly.

Wait, what? I pulled up short mentally as I curled around my lower appendage around the now available stool. "Ah… Root, what are you talking about? I actually… came to explain something… important to you." I spoke, almost stammering.

She's so pretty… My brain was being extra unhelpful. "Why don't you go first, then my king?" She smiled at me with those gorgeous azure eyes.

"I really don't remember being the Pale King. I woke up, not knowing where I was in the Abyss-but in a sense, I knew who you were, without knowing you. Instead, I have some memories of a person not of this world, someone who had some knowledge, if imperfect of our world, as well as the path Our decisions would have taken us down. I don't know if the Pale King of before knew the outcome, or if he judged the price of the plan as too much to bear after all, neither of us will ever truly know." I explained. "I don't even have enough memory to determine what the name of that person before here, who I used to be in that other world-only that I was sorrowful, that I was… useless to everyone." My voice broke. "I don't remember why that was. What I've forgotten. I know I died in the cold, alone and scared… and I knew for some reason that no matter what vessel we chose, it would have failed. The vessel wouldn't have held, they were never hollow, none of them. We would have made monsters of ourselves for nothing."

I couldn't even look at her, I was so ashamed of how I had hidden from her. "Benui, you poor thing. You've been so scared and carrying these burdens all alone." She spoke softly. "I had hoped exposure to our love would have comforted you. You cried so much the first few days and still cried in the first weeks. You didn't even seem aware of the scents of agony you shed without knowing it. I left the palace because I thought I was causing that pain, I didn't want to place that burden on you. How funny it is, that those who loved each other best hurt each other the most." A tear rolled down her face.

I wiped the tears that fell from her eyes. "It can't be helped. To love is to be vulnerable to hurt, as well as warmth." I spoke softly. "I am a different person entirely from who you knew, I hurt you by lying to you about that and giving you false hope. My pain is not your fault. If I had been open from the start, things would be different. That's on me, not you."

She grasped my hands. "Benui, please listen. Before you-no, before my husband left, we lay together for the first time in a long time. He seemed desperate, even through his amorousness. Our physical affections were usually slow, calm and sedate. Not that time. Looking back, I think he knew he wasn't coming back. That he had hoped that wasn't the case, but that he knew, deep down he was going to die." That was a little too much information, but she needed to talk, too.

"What are you telling me this, for? Is it the reason you were scared today?" I asked gently.

She moved my hand to her lower midsection. "I am pregnant."

Oh. Oh.

"So you're… going to have…?" I almost stammered.

She laughed. "Yes. You might be a different soul, but this will be our egg. There's just one." I opened myself and felt… three sets of emotions, not two.

I started to purr and knead. "Ah, well… there might be one egg, but there's definitely two minds in there. Twins." I was actually quite delighted. "Whatever happens… I will help. I will not harm them, I love children." I half-whispered. "I'd never willingly harm a child."

She laughed a bit. "Yes, I should have remembered that. Go home, Benui. I will rest in my garden and kiss my beloved knight and you can go kiss your beloved Watcher. Stop wasting time. Maybe you'll be gifted an egg of your own." She giggled.

I stammered out a reaction and buried my face in my hands out of embarrassment. "Rooooot!" I whined.

She laughed and gave my cheek a friendly nuzzle. "Go, fight for us all. You have quite a bit to do. Just don't forget to love and rely on the knight and servants. They choose to be there for us. Your mind knight included." She grinned a bit.

I left and tried not to cringe the entire way back. But….

But…

I did want to kiss Lurien. A lot. That bore thinking about on my way to the meeting with him.

…oh, dammit, the meeting!

Chapter Text

I got back in time to be able to wash up and change. I was able to wash off most of the void staining, but my fingers had noticeably grayed. I hoped I could stave off explaining it until after the meeting. I didn't want to waste valuable time. I kept my hands in my sleeves and felt lucky that the silk gowns hid most of my body. I wonder why he wore such conservative styles? Oh well, I'll never know now.

I wrapped myself in light and nibbled lightly on a claw as I made my way to where I sensed Lurien. Huh, I could really sense him more strongly… he felt like calm-affection-nerves-sardonia. Weird, why was he nervous? I carried myself with the dignified comportment of the Pale King and definitely didn't hurry down the halls with spare parchment and a scrivener kit. Definitely.

The meeting room held Lurien's unreadable physical form and a few stacks of paper. His affection ran over him like light fingers when he scented, then sighted me. "Benui! You're alright, I'm glad. I ah… am not going to lie, I got rather nervous about you heading to the Abyss-what were you looking for there?" He asked, sounding worried.

Oh. Now I felt really bad. "...ah, that wasn't my only delay. I went to visit the White Lady, she had…" I hesitated. "...unexpected, joyous news." I spoke, finding myself purring. "She is expecting twins and happy with Dryya." I spoke happily. "I was able to talk to her, and she is going to be alright."

Just… not going to be necessarily coming back to the palace any time soon. That was on me.

Lurien was boggled. "You mean…" He gesticulated wildly. "Oh, goodness! That'll bring joy around the kingdom, you know. The children, at least." He let out a stuccato, semi-nervous laugh, though he smelled and seemed somehow… relieved? "Well, the good news is that we're able to get a lot of information about the Dreaming Mother Unn, that was rather easy. What wasn't easy was the extremely fragmentary information on the abyss and the ah… other goddess of light. Most of the information was ah… not from the point of view of her worshippers, inaccurate and very biased." He sounded both frustrated and like he was phrasing it delicately.

Oh, I can guess what sort of information he was talking about. Good to know one of the deleted bits of dialogue was maybe not true after all. I rubbed at my temples and under my eyes. "That's annoying, though good that we don't have to work hard. I want you to disseminate her likeness to the artisans and order idols of her, as well as announcing that it pleases me to share worship with her to the city. I'll send my own messengers outside the City of Tears. I think I'll commission some musician to come up with a hymn or two." I sighed. "Any useful information among the fragments?"

He pointed to the right hand stack of papers. "Yes, actually. The ancient caste would shape things out of void and worship the darkness, but not necessarily the Lord of Shades. The entity was seen as the caretaker of the abyss, the personification of void, but ah… more a spirit, not the god of such. However, that was true only in Hallownest of the Ancient Caste. The other species saw the void entity as worthy of worship, though for ah, rather different reasons. There's a reason the masked bugs of the Kingdom did not mourn the old so-called Masters when they disappeared from the world. They began to disappear quite some years before you arrived to the kingdom, in fact. The Mantis Tribe and Deepnest came to worship them, especially the common beast tribes of that land. The Weavers themselves had their own gods when they arrived, but we don't have information on that."

I only had vague knowledge of them being of silk and song myself, but little more. I'd need to talk to Herrah again, soon. I took notes and sighed. "So, we have at least places and people to check with for more information. Internally, we can send one of the Great Knights. Dame Zemer has a contact with the Mantis Tribe that might be very handy." I commented and dashed off a message to her, before setting it aside for after the meeting. "So, bigoted sources only on the Light?" I asked tiredly.

"I'm afraid so, yes." Lurien sounded frustrated. "I thought that our scholars would have had better records on the Moth tribe than that; Monomon was also frustrated when she realized the implications of the bias. She was roundly cursing her predecessors when I left, scaring poor young Quirrel."

Well, at least Quirrel is okay. "So, what are our options? I found a contact when on my incognito trip that might be happy to see me again, if ah… incognito. They even taught me a spell, waath." I purred at the warm memory.

"That's… really? You must have impressed them." Lurien sounded a bit shocked. "The moth tribe has become more and more isolated."

"Damn, really? Well, that's not good." I groaned and rubbed my face. "We have to do something to help that, with our copious free time, to be sure." I almost growled it out bitterly.

Governance and godhood keeps me busy, with the very, very dire research on top of that. At least reading the myths was fun, no wonder the old wyrm had his laboratory. Lurien sighed. "Yes, though I believe I may have an in with the tribe that can get us in contact with the spiritual leaders. Though I am loathe to really go home. At the very least, none should recognize me outside my robe and mask, or you in your incognito illusion."

"Erm, do you have a relationship with someone in the tribe?" I asked, tilting my head in confusion.

He actually laughed, though it didn't sound happy. "I should think so! My parents at least will be happy to see me after so long."

The words flowed past me and whirled around my brainpan before something like a latch engaged and I caught the implication. "...ohhhh." I vocalized.

He laughed, more amused this time. "Yes, oh. Does it surprise you that a moth is your high priest?"

"Show me." Came out of my mouth without a thought; it didn't shock me that much, but it was a surprise that he was a moth! It explained the fluffiness rather well in retrospect.

He removed the robe, as well as the mask. He smelled so amused. I am glad that bugs really, really don't generally give a hoot about nudity, as I became intensely embarrassed as I realized that I had essentially ordered him to strip. "Oh my gods, I am so sorry-" I blurted out. "I am such an asshole to j-just demand you-" I stammered as the rather dramatic-looking moth stared me down, his antennae oddly smug in angle.

He actually laughed at my embarrassment. "Oh, Benui. It was about time for you to find out in any case."

He was a mix of blacks and pale brown, but the pattern was hatched, with stripes and a rough outline of near gold. It was really attractive, especially the bit of pink-purple fuschia on the inside of the lower wings. I wanted to touch them and run my fingers over it, but I resisted. I stammered out nonsense as I stared at the glorious sight. His amusement turned to wonder and flushed affection-connect-warmth. "You… you really are alright with this? You're not angry or disgusted?"

"Gods, no!" I blurted out. "You're amazing."

He laughed. "Well, the rest of the tribe will believe the cover story I thought of, certainly. They'd believe that you'd be my lover, sooner than they'd believe you're my friend."

That brought me up short as I made extremely undignified noises at the idea of actually being intimate with anyone, especially someone as pretty as Lurien. I am really, really glad I'm pansexual right now. "Auuuuuggghhhhh… I, I, I-I'll be grateful, yes. Yes, to be ah…" I made more embarrassed chirps and decided that I really needed to get back on track before I died of embarrassment. "ANYWAY! How have the policy changes been taken by the kingdom so far? What are your reports from your spies?" Topic change, get!

"Generally good. You'll have an official inspection of the mine soon and people view the popular ballot choices of local representatives a fun distraction and appreciate that the local leaders are paying more attention to those they lead." He pulled back on his cloak, then his mask. "The nobles are getting nervous, but they're distracted by their own local elections. Some are rather having fun doing it, actually." He laughed. "The reminder that citizens have free speech has led to people pulling up boxes and holding debates in some of the public spaces. As for my contacts…"

He sighed. "The Soul Master is focusing on the void, now rather than the former angles of research with your indisposition. He wants to understand it better and he's been making inquiries among the criminal elements to get some. I'll be keeping an eye on that situation as it develops. He's been hoarding ritual crystals and his snail contact has left, later being seen in the Crossroads." He reported. "The snails have gone largely into hiding, aside from those who are bound to their mounds. They haven't been forthcoming as to where they went, but there's one that has been seen in the city, inquiring about you."

"What do We know about them?" I asked, once I finished the notes on what he'd said.

"They're known as Confessor Jiji, originally a resident of Dirtmouth of all places. Not sure what the title entails. They've been asking for Benui, I should clarify. Not the Pale King." Lurien reported. "So far, she's not made the connection between one and the other."

"Please invite her to a public place, we can both visit her, myself incognito." I requested. "We can work on improving our intelligence on the Lord of Shades with her, I think. Once we have contact with the Mantises through Ze'mer and a meeting with Herrah set, we can work on building my plan further in the direction of the void." I commented. "We'll just have to organize a visit to the moth tribe together once that's done. I want to prove myself in improving divine relations and spreading the worship of other gods before I even attempt the plans with the Light Goddess."

He smelled content, like a smile. "That's very astute, my king. As for the more… personal side, I'd love to have an honest conversation before we leave on that mission."

I chose to be honest in return. "Yes, very much the same. It'll be a change, but… I want to be equal partners, best as we can. We ah… cannot do that if I'm simply your liege. I think I have plans for that."

He made a dry laugh. "Ha, I have a few ideas for what that plan is. You wish to share authority with others, yes?"

"Yes, exactly. Absolute power shouldn't be in any one person's hands, it leads to situations both where the person suffers or those under that person suffer-or both. I shouldn't be a god-king." I commented wryly. "It feels wrong to me; I want to do right by my kingdom and be a leader, but not the sole leader."

Setting up the precursors to democracy in a world that hadn't yet seen it and divine right was a very real thing to its people was not easy. We chatted about some other, less direly important things; farms having troubles, arresting the farmers that had been discovered selling tainted meat, encouraging others to raise maskflies like chickens or pigeons, as well as improving trade with the shrumals. The language barrier was making that difficult, but they did pay their tithe taxes, at least.

Aside from the impending apocalypse, the kingdom was secure and in good shape, with the increased amount of judges able to take care of small arguments, conflicts and litigation that didn't require a growing migraine as I listened to people bitch about who stole whose sweetroll. Some extra guards in the population centers and more schools were my own personal contribution to growing Hallownest. We had to train more teachers. Speaking of… "I think that we could use some relaxation in the city before our journey, as well." I spoke softly. "Listening and being around the kingdom instead of being holed up in the palace reading all the time will be good for me." And my sanity.

"Very well, I'll arrange it with your seneschal." He made a note on his own board. "It'll be… fun." He sounded fond. "I like you out of your role quite a bit."

Same, Lurien. Same. "Let's try to make that sort of meeting happen more often." I laughed a bit; scheduling my socialization just struck me as just too fitting to my body's identity. "Anything else I should know?"

"No, nothing urgent or important." He flipped through his notes. "Yes, that covers just about everything for what you need to know from me. Worship continues apace and the royal cult is healthy. There's been a few changes. More charitable works, mostly."

"That's good." I affirmed. "I may make an appearance, perhaps a festival will be good for that?"

Lurien wrote it down. "Doable, but after our trip."

I sighed. "I am going to my chambers and napping. I've had a headache and hadn't rested yet in my own bed since returning."

"Yes. And we'll be talking about your void taint after." He called.

Dammit. Well, at least I'd had the meeting first.

Chapter Text

There once was a young woman from afar, who loved her home, yet could not stay. Oh, how she loved her family. Oh, how she loved the misty mountains and yearned to remain sister in arms-but she committed a grievous taboo, one that the priests could not overlook. Her brothers in arms gathered under the clouds and rain, dancing and screaming out their wrath, their sorrow-and never before nor again would her home hear such terrible things, the rain and gales washing their faces and minds clean.

She was given a daiklave, a sacred blade to do battle with, a lantern with the spark from the fire god who ruled over the kingdom. She gathered the holy flowers and kept their seeds, for she thought to bring a reminder of home with her to the shores of the underworld. Her fellow warriors tore their cloaks, adorning themselves in ashes and rubbing their weapons with wisteria petals. 'We refuse to slay you sister, but we cannot go from this place, for our oaths prevent us. Go, live, for we know your honor is without question, for we know that love and gentility guides you. You are the Child of Roland, the daughter of wisteria, the slayer of a hundred demons and the guardian of a thousand fair youths. To slay you, we would need to slay our own honor. Go, sister-and never look back. The god's flame should keep your mind safe for a time, so that you may find a new beginning. Go, find a god worthy of you.'

She stood before the wall and ascended it, shedding the badge of her office. She stood at the top and shed the cloak of her station, for she could not take it with her. And she cried out her name for the very last time, for she would not bring it with her into the lands of death. She stepped into the unknown lands below, only a lantern to light her way and a daiklave to defend herself against the feral.

She believed strongly as she walked away from her home that she would surely die, that her comrades had only condemned her to lose her higher soul to the winds, condemning her lower soul to howl in anger beneath the ever-dark skies. To her surprise, she rested in the light of the lantern and awoke as her thinking self. Ah, she thought; the words of the priests were untrue! The lands are indeed blasted by the terrible storm that robs a bug of their mind, but it is not the land of the dead!

Indeed, she found no ghosts as she wandered east from her home, hunting as she needed and gathering, as well as defending herself from the hostile ferals. Ah, but what a lonely journey it was, even as she found small settlements. None held gods, or if they did, none worthy of her. She came to a place filled with pagodas that sang; the woman thought for a time that she had found her place: a place with great holiness, great deeds to be done, a place where she could live an upright life.

Alas, she found the gods they worshiped were but ancestral spirits, comforting and upright in their stewardship of the land, but not holy. While she admired their way of life, she greatly desired a god to serve a. They wished the nameless swordswoman to go from there with a memento of her time there: a name to go into the wastes, for they believed in the power of a name protecting the soul and her lacking a name made them fear for her. She allowed it, so they thus dubbed her Ze'mer, for she had wandered there from across the grassy sea.

Thus she went out into the wilds again, lantern in hand, a name that she sang on her tongue and daiklave to fend off unwholesome things. She wandered once more, but she began to fear as the godly flame in the lantern began to lessen and flutter, where despite the years, it had stayed strong and bright. She feared for her very self, weeping as there was but one reason the godly flame could gutter out so-the god was weakening, even dying.

She could only go forward, for behind her was only dismay. She saw in the distance great wind-worn cliffs the day the lantern's flame finally failed. She pursued the vision at speed, the warmth of the flame barely protecting her once she found herself protected by the cliffs. There was a light however, in these strange cliffs that weakly pervaded it that negated the wind of loss, keeping its mind-stealing power at bay. Ze'mer found a godly kingdom at long last! But she had to see if the god was true. She was guided by a strange bug past the city, through a mountain of glittering jewels, to a land seemingly beset by snow. "I should not show this to you, stranger-but you have desired a god worthy of you. The light is his divinity upon this unworthy place, this is the body he gave up to live among us. Do not approach any closer, for this place is still holy ground."

She beheld a thing that gave her such awe that Ze'mer was chained into place, unable to move until she knelt and prayed before the glorious sight of a wyrm. She withdrew, then sought out its rulers to find not one-but two gods that were joined by the hand in matrimony. Such a thing Ze'mer couldn't possibly contemplate, a great Root of matronly honor, and the Wyrm's mortal form of petit form with light bright enough to hurt the eyes.

She knelt and could do naught but pledge her daiklave and her very self to the king that very moment. He lay hands on her and whispered to her: "We See you, We see you finding your place here, laying your shell to its final rest here. You shall be one of Our Great Knights, one of the voices that drive back the darkness." His voice was full of such aching sorrow, even as he spoke. "We shall accept your vows as knight, not as some bound slave. We are better than that. Our Light is given without price exchang'd, nor bond lain upon the shoulders. It is only in freely given that We prove Ourselves worthy, not selfishly raising a nation of slaves and servants crawling upon belly like mindless beasts. We would see you rise, do better and achieve great heights that perhaps even We shall perhaps one day See."

She rejoiced and took her oaths that very day, kissing the hands of her precious White Lady and glorious Pale King and serve them still to this day, and to her very last.

Ze'mer's soft cadence ended the story there and I purred in pleasure at her story as I did mind-numbing work sorting the bits of knowledge that Monomon hid away, despite orders from my technically former self otherwise. I was sorting through everything with the dreamers and some aids, such as Darfel and Quirrel in the room as well as a few weavers clustered around Herrah, knitting as they saw to their piles. Multiple sets of limbs are good for that. I was very, very glad for it right then! We'd sorted things into three sets of piles. One set was for granny, one was for the Radiance, one was for the Lord of Shades. Each set had three piles: reliable, biased or unclear and garbage. Even among the reliable stuff, there were names notched out or clear signs that someone had tried to censor what was inside.

The most reliable information, which I would be sending our most green-friendly knights to Greenpath with, to confirm and expand on what we had. It was just a matter of modernization and making sure shitheels hadn't distorted or ignored anything about Granny Unn's worship. I could at least draw out designs for the idol makers to distribute among the people. That wasn't the problem.

To my surprise, there were actually concrete, reliable, if fairly biased accounts of how the moth tribe worshiped the Radiance back in the day. How and why they stopped worshiping her? Not so much. I knew some possibilities on why, ranging from understandable to ones that made me feel incredibly dirty. After all, there was deleted dialogue that indicated that the Pale King made the Moth Tribe forget. There was a bug I could ask, I just wasn't sure if she was around yet or not. The game was sometimes self-contradicting on its lore and it's one of those times.

The details on the ancient caste and the Lord of Shades was fragmentary at best. Monomon had done some studying and even a student's study on the soul totems had made it in, it was that little. Coincidentally, said student was Quirrel, who was assisting us with the documents. "Ah ahem, would everyone like some tea?" Said student asked, clearing his throat.

"Gods and darkness below, yes please." Herrah grated out, rubbing her face, her mask split open like the Midwife's. I was fascinated by the view of her face. She really did have at least six eyes, though I saw two more dots above them gleam in the light as her other eyes closed.

Hold up. "Darkness below." I echoed. "That's an interesting phrase."

"Well, yes. I've been looking over old documents back in Deepnest. We're translating what we have. It's at least more than what you have here, not that that means it's all that much more." She grumbled.

"Translate it?" I spoke; far as I could tell, we spoke various dialects but they were fairly mutually intelligible.

"Oh, simple: it's in a different writing system entirely, I doubt you'd understand the knot system we have." She laughed a bit; indeed I wouldn't! "I discovered something fascinating in there, so I'm sending a messenger to the Mantis Lords with a special offering. It seems that one of the prior leaders in Deepnest quite serendipitously 'forgot' we had a blood-sealed treaty with them. Ugh, I hate finding stupidity. I usually have to be the one to fix said stupid." She growled a bit.

Oh. "Guess I'll-" Lightning struck in the moment. Mantis Lords. Ze'mer. "...do any of the works mention worship with the Mantis Lords? Not of them, just worshiping the darkness alongside you."

"As a matter of fact, the treaty does. It mentions a shared connection to the Abyss and the darkness." She frowned. "We fled old gods of Silk and Song, due to ah… trouble there, with those who opposed them and the gods could not follow us. So we took up new gods of this land."

Holy shit. I reached out and touched Ze'mer's arms and my sight went to mist as her emotions caught me up in a maelstrom of love, anguish, shame and pride. Not yet sorrow. I came back as my hand dropped. Wow, Ze'mer's really going through a rollercoaster. "...do not fear Our request, good knight. Tell Us. Does the Mantis Lord brother hold any strangeness? Does he grow large or have light in his eyes? Are there four thrones in the great hall of the village?" I had to know. I hoped it wasn't already too late.

"Yes, there are four thrones. Your holiness, this one doesn't understand what you are talking about, with the strange things you describe. The brother is much like his sisters still, smaller than they by a little." The beautiful knight replied, sounding alarmed by what I was describing.

Oh thank goodness. "We know about your beloved. You need not fear Our disapproval. I seek to save lives. The brother is in danger of heeding the whispers in dreams. Prevail upon your love to tell their father that ancient stories of the darkness are needed, that he alone can call the elders of the clan to bring important knowledge back to the people. The Lord of Shades rises to wakefulness, guarding over the Abyss as they have in the past. Tell him he is needed." Would it be enough to save him?

I couldn't know, but with how she almost dropped her sword, I knew I was sending the right person. "Call for a challenge of the Mantis Lords if you require." I spoke calmly. "We are most confident in your success if you require it."

The knight rushed away with a speed I could hardly believe, that huge daiklave still at her side. "Herrah. Put together messengers to carry out the terms of the ancient treaty. I will send a messenger myself to ensure they know that my kingdom's will is that you will be allowed to speak to the Mantis Lords and be heard."

She bent and spoke to one of the weavers that accompanied her. "You really have changed like people said. Are you done using that stuffy way of speaking with us Dreamers, then?" She asked, sounding amused.

"Given what I know of what your future would have been and our own agreement, it would be rather difficult to be utterly formal in private, so I approve. Ah… please. All here may call me Benui. It is my current personal name." I spoke feeling happy. "Please refer to me in an ungendered manner, like ey or em in place of he and him."

"Got it!" Monomon giggled.

"Th-that feels entirely too informal!" Quirrel sounded a touch nervous.

I laughed a bit. "It's fine, it's just in private. You've certainly heard me fart too much to be in complete awe of me."

"Agreed." Both Lurien and Herrah echoed as Darfel and some of the braver weavers laughed, at both my and Quirrel's expense; I of course, laughed with them.

"It's fine, Quirrel. You're a fine young bug and I'm sure you'll prove worthy, even if you don't feel that way right now. I'm one of many gods, not even the strongest here. My wife fulfills that role."

Quirrel actually burst out laughing at that, a hand on my shoulder and I put an arm around him and laughed in return. I could be myself around them. I didn't have to be afraid of the Dreamers, or their confidants. I wasn't as sure about any of the weavers, but I knew they'd be dedicated to their princess.

"It's alright, we all know you're a pushover, wyrm." Herrah guffawed.

"As will you be for your daughter." I laughed and leaned on her as she wore an incredibly bare expression on her face before the mask slid closed.

"...you already know? Of course you do, you've the gift of foresight." She murmured.

"Actually, not… not exactly since my ordeal in the Abyss. With my old memories gone, my personality changed. Therefore, my nature as a god changed. I might have insights on things occasionally, I've been unable to have visions or true extensive insight for potential. I know a few things that the future might be. I know a terrible, terrible end for us all. None of us in this room would survive the original plan and my vision couldn't see it. Or perhaps you would, if a youth from beyond our shores chooses a specific and much more difficult path, but…" I trailed off, the room's warmth chilling. "But I would die in all potential routes or be in a deathlike state that is worse than death."

"I don't like it when you're like your old self, I like Benui better." Monomon declared. "Is that… allowed?" She raised a tendril to touch her mask.

I purred. "I like who I am now, too. Thank you, dear Monomon." I spoke softly. "It is very allowed. You are all allowed to criticize me. I'm not a despot."

Monomon and Lurien rubbed my back. Lurien felt confident enough and Monomon gleefully eschewed social niceties. Herrah laughed again. "Ahhh, but it's a good thing to know-I'll be a mother! I'll have a daughter! Don't spread it out of this room yet, but I sure am excited! I've wanted a child for so long, I tried so much with…" She actually stopped, her voice thick with emotion. "But it's alright. She'd want me to be happy. This child shall wear the cloak of a weaver, even though I be only a beast." She lifted her cup of tea and drained it. "Say, Mono'er, do you have any booze in the house to share?"

"I'll refrain." I stated evenly. "It's probably not good for me." Or my dignity. What's left of it, anyway.

Lurien made a huff and laughed. "No, alcohol does very regrettable things to you. We may start a scandal if you decided to drink here."

Yeah, probably for the best that my lightweight ass didn't embarrass the monarchy further than I already had. I guess it's a good thing the Pale King was originally kind of a weirdo, if only a different kind of weirdo than me.

"So here's what we know: the Daystar cult's main values and a rough idea of its practices, but it'll be very difficult to uncover the rest. We'll need to get inside personally to find out if anyone remembers anything. I have a lead, but I'll need an in with the tribe to do so, since she might be an outcast for remembering. We came up with nearly nothing for the Ancient Caste and the void entity known as the Lord of Shades." I commented, making sure everyone was up to speed, earning several annoyed looks, but a few of the city servants looked like their brains might run out their ears and were grateful for the brief. "We've gained at least some leads for the last, so there's that."

There is, after all, one more person to find in Dirtmouth that I didn't confront back in my wandering and I think I know who might know where either her or her friend might be. It'd be cool to meet a magical robot!

"So, we send knights to confirm the information we've got or to collect more information in the territory of Hallownest, while Herrah and her people collect and translate their information… and perhaps ask the Hive what they know." Lurien gave Herrah a sly look. "I know the two of you get on quite well."

"Damn right, we do. It's why I let the one tram station in my domain to begin with. It's a much safer route for everyone, despite how expensive the tram is and how difficult the permanent pass is to get." Herrah huffed, drinking more tea.

"I'll see what I can do about that. For now, the pass is for official business only. If there's anyone who seems to be misusing it, please do report them. I'll certainly have ways of… entertaining them." Lurien sighed, sounding annoyed. "Too many have 'walked off' when a noble needed to travel somewhere on the line. I don't get why, there's not really many tram stations yet."

"They're supposed to be for long range transport or through areas it would be difficult to make tunnels for the stag beetles." I commented. "All future planned stations and lines will reflect this."

"Anything you need while you head out on your planned jaunt?" Lurien looked at me curiously.

"A simple key. I need to check a locked home in Dirtmouth, hopefully they're home. When I return, please be ready for the next leg into our research into the Daystar." I reached out and squeezed his hand.

He reached out and touched his forehead to me, leaving me sputtering as he placed what was effectively a skeleton key into my hand. "This should do, dear Benui."

I was frozen a bit before heaving a happy sigh.

"Ah, young love." Herrah cackled. "This is better than those saucy stories published in the underground."

I didn't care in the slightest about her jab, just feeling warm inside and out. I swear I'd be red if I were still human!

Chapter Text

My friends knew me well. I did not wait long after getting the key, donning a basic illusory disguise and less fancy robe. I didn't want to wait, I didn't want to let more people than necessary get sick and possibly die from Her. My first step was to check if Jiji was simply sleeping away the years in that place. I didn't think that would be the case, but it was worth checking.

Go to the Resting Ground, little stranger; a note with those words on it was the only thing I found. I was fuming a little, but I could at least use the opportunity to swing by one last person who might actually be around and fun to meet. I decided not to ride the stag, but to go through some of the Crossroads I hadn't seen yet. I saw the way moisture beaded on the sealing, probably from the breathing and vapors from the Blue Lake. The stalactites had to come from somewhere; water bearing lime seemed about right for that. I found two idols, of king and queen by what seemed to be a sort of picnic ground; there was even a cauldron and grill for cooking.

I touched the still clear face and felt dangerdangerDANGER in time to sway to the side, a sword striking the face of the king instead of striking me. I summoned light nails, turning to see… Xero? His eyes were orange, he laughed unevenly. "Oh, king of filth. King despot. King of lies! I've come to liberate the kingdom from your hands. A god!? Ha!" He rasped before laughing madly.

My reaction was to knock all four of his swords to the wall and knock him into the fucking wall. I walked slowly towards him, holding a blade to his throat. "You absolute moron. Do you realize that you're ill? Do you realize your dreams and mind have been compromised? What did she promise you?" I hissed out, growling.

The swords flew free and began to dance like four warriors instead of one fighting me. I was entirely grateful that I had at least some training and enough magic to shake a stick at. I stepped to the right, turning from bashing one sword to block another's blow. I let down my illusion and focused. Four nails of light were joined by nails of deepest midnight, then each of them splitting to double, before I shrieked my displeasure and began to wail on those swords and hitting Xero with the flats.

"I was promised nothing! I have seen the people suffering from the sickness, the strange glow and the glow comes strongest from you, fiend!"

I punched him. "Different light, moron!" I roared, quite literally.

I lifted him using the swords, knocking his own until two of them disappeared into essence, the two real ones being knocked into the walls to the point he would struggle to pull them out magically. I grabbed his scruff and pulled him close. "You have no idea that you were successful before you even began. The real Pale King is dead, I'm an imposter wearing his void-damned shell and you can tell your new mistress that. Go home. Pray to the Radiance for her health and weal. thank her for the strength and let her know that her enemy, the Pale King isdead and gone. And that a friend she doesn't know yet hopes to meet her soon." I growled out. "Do you understand that I am not him and sparing you?"

"Y-yes!" He gulped audibly, making reedy scared noises.

"Good. Don't bother telling anyone else of this, nobody will believe you anyway." I turned and made a hasty retreat from the addled warrior.

I really hope he isn't stupid enough to follow me. I heard familiar laughter from inside the hut. I would smile if I could as I entered, but instead I purred as I entered. The large Salubra laughed as I entered. "Oh, a customer! A customer! Ahh, I have many wares, but not enough buyers. I am a collector who seeks to spread the wonder that is charms!" She spoke cheerily.

"Oh my gods, you're adorable." I muttered. "Yes, I'd be interested in seeing your charms." I drew close and watched her eyes light up.

"Oh-ohhh, you have a lovely, unique charm on your person. Please, when you've made your selection, could I see it?" She pleaded, sounding incredibly excited. It was infectious and I didn't see why not.

"Please be careful and give it back once I've made my selection." I set the Kingsoul in her capable hands and went about looking at her selection.

I didn't remember all of the charms, but there were some interesting changes, like her not having Steady Body but having Wayward Compass. Right, Cornifer and Iselda are probably not even a twinkle in their grandparents' eyes yet. I picked up one with blue masks on it, feeling the strange energy of it. It felt… nice. "I'll take this one." I slotted it and felt weirdly refreshed, watching a brief blue slime form over my shell before vanishing from sight. Oh! Lifeblood! I had… honestly forgotten completely about it since lifting the restrictions on it lightly. You got fined for consuming it and spread the word that you're kinda eating babies to get its benefits and the long term effects of it aren't well understood. "Oh, that one will be 250 geo, dear." She spoke cheerfully.

I set down the appropriate coinage and slotted it in. I felt a brief chill as the effect settled in; at least something in my body seemed to like it. "So, what are your thoughts on the charm in your hands?" I asked, all casual-like.

"Have you equipped this recently?" Salubra looked up at me with her usual easy smile.

"I'm afraid not, it has been split for quite some time. The person who held the other half gave it back to me." I informed her; further information wasn't necessary, really.

"This charm is changing! It was one thing, but it's becoming another, mayhaps because of its tight bond with you? Rare is it that a creature bears a charm in life!" She held it up to the light, then covered it in shade, showing how it gently changed color from white in the light and a pale lavender in the darkness. "Charms are born of wishes, the wish in this charm is of lasting love, there's so much love in this! There's so many wishes and so many charms that strong desires create, but not all wishes become embodied in charms. It requires a strong will-and sadly, their death. Who died to make this?"

I did. "A very large creature indeed." I commented. "Thank you for looking at it." I held out a hand and Salubra giggled as she gave it back.

My body and I have died multiple times, haven't I? The Wyrm dying to give his people a form to walk among them, dying once more in mysterious circumstances and my own death in the bitter, biting cold, yet… those deaths led to new life, another birth. How many chances would this body get? I exited there and fluttered up and through the hidden passage to the blue lake.

What a beautiful place. All the rain in the City of Tears came from this lake. How was it not empty? I fluttered away from the center, going along the north side and noticed two bubbling springs. Ah… that's why. The springs fed into a natural aquifer and the porous stones above the city gave it an eternal mist. Oh, right-wasn't there pipes that delivered the water back to the springs after being filtered for whatever garbage it picked up in the city? Ahhh, good engineering; gotta love it.

I came past graves, including an empty dias without the dreamers on it; it looked like there was a statue that once stood there, with broken stone in the middle, but the pieces are long gone. No text is left, no sign of what this could have been. (I had a feeling about who had been here.) I didn't linger there, finding my way to the soul item. I laid my hands on it and prayed, pushing my soul into it. May my compassion strengthen you, may my focus give you healing, may your soul know happiness, I prayed. I felt warmth wash back.

Thank you, but don't overdo it, was the very short reply.

I flew up and heard the sing-song auuuum from inside, but it sounded different. As I came to the entryway, I heard a youthful voice call: "Please come in, stranger!"

I walked in to see Confessor Jiji seated at a table, though seated is generous, she mostly sat on the floor; snails are big, don't you know! The moth sat on a stool, with another set between them. "You've been making quite the moves since you were thrown into Hallownest, outsider." Jiji drawled cheerfully. "Come sit, share some tea with us."

I joined the two women, the Seer touching my hand gently. "You're the melancholic child summoned from another world by the darkness, I can see it clearly now. You aren't the Pale King at all."

I was still as the snail set out and poured the glass. "Well, that's a rather big thing to spring on me. I kind of know who you both are, at least. Confessor Jiji and the one called the Seer. I have a lot of questions." I purred nervously and blew on the cup.

"Oh yes, a pale god becoming something in between light and darkness, while being both! And such a gentle god-but unpredictable! Kind people are often the bravest, you know. You are facing your fears and trying your best to help even the old guardian of the dark as well as the goddess of light." Jiji observed.

"I knew I had some void exposure and that I've been turning all my clothes blue…" I mused. "All of that because I'm some kind of god of balance?"

Both of them laughed. "Oh, you poor thing. It's worse than that! You don't even know your true name!" The seer touched her hand to her face. "You really are a sweetheart, though. I've heard of Benui the beetle who defended other members of my tribe, who adores yet another. To be honest, I have a question of my own. If you know what we are, then why do you want to save us?" She spoke softly. "If you know what I am, you know what I've done."

"Because it's not your fault. You couldn't have known and it wasn't you who made the decision to infect people." I answered automatically. "Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? Even if it means being watched afterwards. Death is light as a feather, but duty is heavier than any mountain. Death is easy. You don't suffer. Forgetting of things, the truest death-but to live, to make up for what you've done and facing your victims as you make up for those crimes, those harms, that is what I want. That is the punishment, to know forever the weight of killing innocents who might have loved her. Death is too easy." I almost snarled that one out.

"Ohoho, gentle, but fierce indeed! A sanguine child may just say that. You carry deep sorrows you've unknowingly pushed away the memories of in coming here." Jiji observed. "Do you have an idea of what that might be?"

I sighed. "I feel like… I let someone down. That someone was waiting for me and I let them down by dying. I remember burning cold, being wet." I commented quietly. "I don't like thinking about this."

"Let's change tact, then. You have a touch of the Ancient Caste that once lived in Hallownest, the touch of the void that does not harm you. That's a difficult thing, but I can feel how much the surviving Abyssal Guardian loves you." The Seer spoke kindly.

"There was another? Was it the uh… Lifeblood Beast?" I thought. That was the only other one that I knew that resided in the Abyss. It made sense.

"Yes, you wear some of its blood!" She tapped where the charm was. Indeed. "You're becoming intrinsically tied to the void, while retaining your light. What a fascinating thing! Such contrast." Jiji laughed again. "You don't disappoint in turning over all the tables and breaking all the old masks. People are excited about helping their neighbors, you know. Those who desire positions have seen that your policies favor those who work well and aid others. They take their cues from you despite how few people have actually seen you as king."

I covered my embarrassment by drinking. "...is it really all that surprising? I've been answering prayers and blessing those that are kind. Those who are struggling, too. I should be a public servant, serving the interests of Hallownest and protecting Hallownest. If it means I face the sun, I will even if I'm a coward." I slipped in what I called it, yet neither of them looked confused.

"Ah yes, dear-but you're being a bit hard on yourself, aren't you? A coward is someone who cannot face their fears, yet you contend with them, you've stopped running away." The Seer soothed. "Back in the old days, my grandmother passed onto me this tale…

"Once there was a sky painted with the purest amethyst, an eternal twilight that gave strength to the world, but not much. One day, a maiden was born in that sky, clad in fur and adorned in a crown. She found it beautiful, but she wanted to see more colors. So she appeared in the dream of a young goddess and inspired her to dream of growing things of green. She appeared in the dream of a callow youth and he was inspired to take up the iron blood of the earth to paint red, but she could not reach the sleeper under the earth who dreamed only of black, nor the keeper of the labyrinth who dreamed of gray walls and tunnels. She delighted the balance-keeper with dreams of deepest, wildest blue. A maiden dreamed of pink shells and three weavers dreamed of white webs that stretched over the shy and the sounds of bronze and silvery bells.

"She took up a brush and painted the sky all these colors, surrounding herself with the brilliant blue at her height-but none looked up. She began to sing, but she was so far away that none could hear her. She wept for them to miss such beauty, but she realized as she looked at her works that it was so dark that she could not see much of it-so she landed and sought out wisdom. She was lonely, so she tore her coat and created seven youths that looked like her to keep her company as they traveled to find something that could beat back the darkness.

"They came across a strange place, a man holding an instrument with strings. He was sitting before a campfire, but they did not know what it was. They asked him about it and he asked them to sing with him, in a singular voice. The maiden turned to her youths and bid them each try to sing.

"Over many sleeps, the maiden and her youths sang, both apart and together. They all took a deep breath and joined hands, all eyes upon their maker and in that silence, they prayed as one before raising their voice in the First Hymn. They sang of accepting the man and moved his heart. He told them of the flame, the sacrifice of wood it called for and what was needed to build a good fire. He gave to them sparks and promised that though he would not stay, that he would return someday.

"They carried the sparks, gathered wood and rose up a cluster of shelters to block the wind. They sang of their own volition in joy in the life she had given them and offered themselves to her of their own free will. So she made them companions so that they may not be alone. Once they started the fire, each gave their spark to her, which changed her color from unknowable to knowable. She rose to the sky with delight and showed them the beauty of the world, back when the world was young.

"But that was very long ago, child and none now recall the beauty of the sky, nor why the beauty was hidden, nor why the good man never returned." She spoke sadly. "Ahhhh, you look intrigued."

"I do." I spoke softly. "What a beautiful story, if a sad one given its current end. I can't promise her the sky, but I can promise I want to do the right thing. So, Confessor. Could you teach me and my citizens about how to worship the darkness?"

The snail laughed, a little bitterly. "Ah, you truly aren't the old keeper of chains and stasis anymore. I can tell you that the darkness isn't the entity that embodies void, nor the Abyss. It's bigger than that, yet it is that. Silence is their language, but it has so many stories to tell. So much that it keeps safe in its embrace, yet giving the gift of letting go to those ready for that. It isn't entirely safe, it's wild and it can inspire madness, you know."

"We're all mad here." I quipped to Jiji's snort. "Can you do it?"

She sighed. "I can. You're bringing change, I want to see where it goes. The way the kingdom is right now is dying, you're ensuring that much. Maybe it's a good thing. And more importantly, yes I will. I'll take up shop in the City of Tears with your approval, even. A tea shop is going to be a wonderful temple start!" She crowed.

"Will you bring your friend, Steel Spirit Jinn?" I asked her.

Jiji stopped a moment, genuine surprise on her antennae. "Oh my. Yes, yes, I think you will do indeed." She laughed and headed off before me.

"I have no need to become a bearer of your tribe's treasure, but one will come in time." I spoke softly. "My wife, she's… expecting. If it goes well, I think one of them will bear that fate, if not for the dire reasons the original fate held for them." I spoke softly. "I can't fight her and win, so I'll do the opposite and hope that I'll heal her heart instead and make this a better place."

She looked up at me. "Yes, you don't need it. You've come a long way, both physically and spiritually to get to this place. You'll find her when you need to, and when she needs to. Of that much, I'm sure about but the future's wide open thanks to you. You have one chance, your majesty. Don't blow it on blaming yourself and bearing all the burdens." She sounded gentle and I felt tears run down my face.

"I know. I'm not running anymore. I want to live." I spoke softly. "Maybe someday I'll die, everything has an ending. I just hope to have it doing something I can be proud of doing."

"Oh, child. You have so much here, so many people who love you, as Benui and not the Pale King. Just keep up your heart's work and you'll find your way, dear." She spoke, her antennae drooping in something like a sad smile.

I won't forget ever again, but I needed to remember why I was sad.

Chapter Text

I didn't nod off on the way back only because of the wind in my face and through my horns. It whistled weirdly, eddies forming from the air that bounced off the tines that chilled the top of my head as I went home. I ignored the stares as I found my way in, the halls blending together, my shields down after that conversation. Keeper of chains. Chains… Why was that so strongly associated with the damn old wyrm?

It made my chest and head hurt, feeling something like the fluttering of a heart as I panted and growled unhappily. I didn't say anything, but I had the feeling that the 'man' who showed fire to the moths was potentially the precursor to Nightmare King Grimm. Unlike the common fanon that they were siblings, the myth was clear: they were strangers before that point. Burn the father, feed the child. My tail lashed in my irritation, both sets of hands clenching and unclenching. That dream. I didn't know that girl at all, but I felt like I knew of her. The unconscious can remember what the conscious has forgotten. Who am I to her? Am I her aunt-uncle-zizi? My head began to pound as I tried to remember, before sighing and going to the kitchen to get some tea to calm myself.

Whatever the mystery was, I wasn't solving it any time soon. Maybe there's a reason I had pushed so many memories out of my head, outside of what was useful, or hollowing them out until they were emotionally empty or empty of enough context that my personality was intact but little else was. I would almost question my own initial lie being unintentionally true if it weren't for me remembering being outside my body and my death. My death was pretty "interesting," too. Wet and cold in winter, being so scared and sad. Resigned.

I heard the whimpering from my own throat as I pulled myself together. My hands were trembling, now from my own upset. I acted so fucking above it all, when I really wasn't. Hot tears that glowed flowed down my face. I took deep breaths as I quietly wept it out, clawing up a rough pillar in a corner of my room that had other claw marks. I wanted to sink them in, bite down and roll with something in the fading rage. Stone doesn't feel very good to bite, as it turned out but wood felt alright enough. I washed up, napped, primped and felt glad that gentle bells announced I had only slept only a half-hour.

I composed myself by the time I had reached Lurien's office in the palace. (Why wouldn't my spymaster have his own office here, separate from his art studio or city office?) The door was open, so I sat on the stool he had for me, my tail flicking around instead of curling obediently around the chair. Oh well. "You ever been to Deepnest, Lurien?"

His stylus snapped. "...have you ever been to the wastes?" He retorted, his voice a bit tight.

"Technically, probably yes but actually no." I answered, very confused. "Wh-oh." It's like the joke of does a bear shit in the woods? "This is a common saying, isn't it."

"Oh yes, it goes with 'is the king in the palace?' and 'does the queen blossom in growing season?' Oh and 'do silk moths fly?' That sort of thing." He laughed a bit.

I remembered just enough to know that silk moths couldn't fly, probably due to living in a cave system for generations, rather than human intervention. While Marissa's wings looked functional in the game, who could know? I cleared my throat, shook my head. "I need to go there, to check on Lady Herrah's progress, since there's some documented things that cannot be moved, as they're extremely fragile heirlooms." I explained. "A second pair of eyes would be helpful and I've been trained since my… arrival here. I can defend myself-and you, if need be. I know the reputation." I spoke wryly.

"Well." He looks at the paperwork. "Darfel!" Lurien called out as he stood up from his seat.

The beetle stepped out. "Yes, master Lurien?" He spoke with a very fancy bow.

"Could you finish the reports left on my desk? Any that arrives while I'm out can wait. I won't be too long." He reports.

The butler flips briefly through the paperwork. "Oh yes, this will be quite doable. Nothing here requires either your or the king's personal attention." Darfel put down a quite plush pillow on the stool and fluttered his wings, his elytra opening and settling quite happily on the now tall enough stool.

I held in my laughter until we got to the tram. Yes, I'm aware that it's not the safest way, but that's not a concern for me in the waking world. I sat back on the cushions. "What was it like for you, growing up?"

He took a few moments to collect his thoughts. I only remembered snatches of a deeply unpleasant and deprived childhood, in the sense that my family was poor and that my father and his wife neglected me most of the time when they weren't screaming drunk or abusing me respectively.

He looked thoughtful. "Like most moths, I started out life tumbling with siblings, looked after by creche nurses. Though when I say siblings, that isn't what most people mean. Us moths are raised communally. There were relatively few of us back then and there's fewer now."

"Why?" I asked softly.

"Lots of reasons. There were never many of us in the first place and we were clannish. We had bias against us that I noticed as a child and it's worse now, as we don't seem to get sick." Lurien explained.

"Why did you decide to enter civil service? Why… why become a priest of mine to begin with?" I asked him softly, looking at the moth to my left.

He chuckled a bit. "Oh right, you don't remember. You visited the tribe, bringing food, blankets and some toys. It was such a simple gesture. I understand now why, but you seemed like you saw our plight and didn't care about what we were. 'You chose Us.' That's what you told us. 'I refuse to forget you, who when given the choice, chose Our path.' You whispered but we all heard. I cried in happiness. Your voice seemed to draw us and I almost couldn't help but follow, as if chains of light guided me. He stopped, turned to the side and spoke to me again."

Him. Not me. I appreciated the difference. "He said: 'Go get further educated, We can see you at our side someday, but We wish you to feel like you earned this, not that you were treated with pity. Your people have suffered enough on Our account.' He sounded sad in that moment, but I never heard it again. Not until you came along. You're much better at pretending to be a real mortal bug." Lurien smiled at me, taking his mask off briefly and I looked at his face, though meeting his eyes for long made me uncomfortable.

"Lurien, I died twice. I remember dying in cold and being scared. I feel like a… a… fake, a simulacrum, a false sort of god. I feel the magic in me and I hear the prayers, I know in my mind that's not the case, but with how much happiness my new friends bring me, with the joy you bring into my life, a part of me is still in darkness, even though I stand in the light, like a study in contrasts, like the evening has come and we're enjoying the cooling weather. I wish you knew the stars. I wish you could see the beautiful moon that makes the waters crest and wax, the true light of day and not just the waking hours being slightly warmer." I spoke, feeling the tears brimming. "But I have to stand or everyone falls. We stand together, hand in hand and I adore you for it." I leaned into his hand as he stroked my mask.

Lurien embraced me. "And that there is why I haven't stopped. What a gentle person you are, how kind, considerate. You're harsh on yourself, while unfailingly kind, courageous though you're so clearly afraid. What other god could I follow that would give me choices as the old Pale King did? The way Benui does now? I think none."

I hugged him back and let myself blink a few glowing tears until the tram pulled into its destination. I grasped his hand once he tugged his mask and hood back on. We found our way up to the Distant Village. Looking at it, I couldn't help but sing my favorite hymnos song, projecting the rough meaning I remembered of it, even if some of it was wrong or different. I knew what I felt.

Na nepo dor, neath gatyunla (In the midst of a scorched, hellish land)
Colga roon irs sor (Lay a great house of ice)
Was touwaka wa linen Yeeel idesy akata. (So goes a tale from a distant time)

Colga case roon yanje (Within this icy, dead place)
Wase wase gat (Was an incredible curse)
Sasye irs ween gat guol roon yanje (The inmost room held a girl in the ice)
Ar sasye…. (She was alone.)

Lasye watt, lasye aulla (A boy happened upon the place, opening the doors)
En lasye ene sasye hieg riura (His eyes reflected her eternal sad expression)
En lasye swant ar sasye (He couldn't help but try to save the girl)

Was yea ra yor pagle ("I'm so happy that you've spoken to me…")
Den colga na pagle lasye (But her frozen face couldn't speak.)
Was ye ra yor teyys here ("You're here, though I am cursed…")
Has na yaha (But still, her frozen face couldn't smile.)

Was yea ra firle warma en sasye chs kapa (The boy's warmth melted the accursed cold, but with it went the frozen girl)
En kapa chs fwal, en coall celle (And she floated on that warmth into the heavens.)

Na nepo dor, neath gratyunla (In the midst of a scorched, hellish place)
Briyante echrra (Joyful voices echoed loudly over the sands)
Was touwaka wa linen Yeel idesy akata (Thus goes the tale told long ago)

Was year zarle tes dor (The girl drenched the land with her watery body)
Was wase warce (And it spread a great blessing)
Ware briyua papana, lasye naja anw forlinden (The boy walked away from his village as his tears mixed with the joyful rain)
Lasye werlwe phiz chs papana (For the boy understood the girl had become the rain.)
Lasye ryushe sos lasye got harton (He left on a journey to find her heart)
Ar lasye (...completely alone.)

Was yea ra yor pagle ("I'm so happy that you've spoken to me…")
Den kapa na pagle lasye (But her rainy face couldn't speak.)
Was yea ra zarle sos yor ("I became the waters for your sake…")
Has na yaha (-yet she still could not smile.)

I cut the song short, unable to remember the rest. "Yeeel Forlinden, the Distant Village…" I murmured.

To my surprise the guards in front of it stepped aside, one rubbing their mask for some reason. Weird, there wasn't really any dust in the air. They knew me, some regarding me with expressions of strangled rage, ready to rip out of their polite stances at any moment. I didn't back down, but I didn't challenge them. Weakness could be deadly here, I figured.

"...wow, you look ridiculously unsuited for the singing that I just heard. You just set a blessing over my home, so I can have a bit more patience than usual." Herrah laughed. "Welcome to my home, Benui. I'm glad I don't have to call you king. I'd be way more annoyed than calling you half of sweetheart in the old language."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, that's rich. Is that for real?" I asked; if I had one, an eyebrow would be raised. Instead, I chirped softly.

"Hah, yes and no. It means a few things. Soft, gentle, kindly. At least originally. Later, it was used to mean someone who would help even those that would feast on them if they could. Well, whatever. The documents I found are in the archive, as are the cloth records.

Now this I'd have to see. I was excited as we looked over old textiles with beautiful pictorial depictions and Herrah pointing to hidden knotwork that told the story depicted-or told a story not related to the banner's pictorial subject at all. And then there were the scrolls and codexes that she had waited until I had come, her artisans prepared with special containers to preserve them and scribes to copy what we read so it wouldn't be lost.

We actually learned that indeed, while the Ancient Caste that Herrah's ancestors once served worshiped the darkness, the Lord of Shades was seen as the caretaker, a sort of fairy godparent who would grant wishes and protect the Abyss's people. One day, though, the ancient caste abused the trust of the guardian of void, even purposefully injuring it to get closer to the void. The details were lost, but the result was the Lord of Shades stopped protecting them from the consequences of their actions.

The results were chilling, then entirely deadly. Within less than two generations, the Ancient Caste was dead by their own foolishness. The details of how they honored the Lord of Shades was fragmentary. The story itself was largely pieced together from shards of parchment, guesswork and educated reconstruction from multiple copies weathered in different places.

I had a headache at the end of it. "Benui, you look tired." Herrah commented. "You alright or are ya dying on me?"

"As much as you are, Herrah." I joked. "Are the trams still running?"

She checked a time-telling candle. "...nope. They're closed for the evening. You were reading and researching a lot longer than you thought." She commented. "We'll be setting up a guest room."

"You mean guest rooms?" Lurien spoke, sounding a bit dryly amused.

"I meant what I said, now go enjoy the kitchen, my cook will make up something edible for you, liquivore. I am sure you can try the local cuisine, godling, you have the teeth for it." She laughed a bit.

I grumped a bit, sending a growl her way. "You, Herrah, are a meddler."

"But tell me I'm wrong that you wouldn't mind a cuddle pile." She purred, sounding like a smirk.

"I take it back, you're perverted. Cuddles! The horror. My innocent mind couldn't take the depravity!" I put my hand, palm out to my head and mimicked a faint before laughing. "Actually, who's in that cuddle pile?"

"You, me, and with consent, the watcher. I wanna see if he's earned his title for a reason." She laughed.

Lurien sighed, though it sounded fond. "Oh, Herrah. Well. We'll just have to head back first thing tomorrow."

She woke up early, stirring me from sleep, chuckling. "Does my arm taste that good?" She joked.

My mouth was on her arm. Oooooops. I let go. "Oh, sorry." I muttered.

"You didn't hurt me, but that was pretty funny to see you gumming whatever went into your mouth like an infant." She chuckled. "I did have a few questions, Wyrm."

Ah, so it wasn't personal questions. "Go ahead, Lady Herrah." I grumbled out.

"Why did you agree to bear my child?" She asked bluntly. "I consider myself a woman, but I came out the egg seen as male. My mate was female, though presenting male due to her size and preferring it in public. I had hoped to give her a child. The skirmish she died in became chaotic due to dirtcarvers which drew larger, hostile creatures when the noise grew large. I was… able to hear her last words, breathe in her last breath." She spoke softly. "So that whatever child I sire have it for their first breath."

I thought a bit. "To be honest, part of it was that I felt for you. My wife has wanted children for a very long time. I either couldn't or wouldn't give them to her, but I understood how much it impacted her. I didn't know your specific situation, but I have knowledge of how you'd even give yourself to my old self's machinations to earn yourself a child. It makes me sick to consider the way my former self would have taken advantage of your greatest wish.

"I wanted to do it, I knew how much you'll love any child, even from your greatest enemy. I wanted you to have that child without those chains, to set you free to love your child and live your life." I explained. "Love is a thing that grows when given, withers when it is taken and dies under the weight of duty."

Why did these tears come down my face as I spoke of love? Why? Lurien stirred and sat with me, hugging me. "Love is not to be a burden, but a gift freely given and shared." He murmured. "An unwanted love hurts, but best to carry that in silence than to wound the one you love."

Do I want love? Echoed through my head. Do I deserve it? "I'm not the old wyrm. I am not the same soul. Can you even forgive that, let alone love that? A lying stranger from another world, wearing the skin of your admired or loathed god?" I whispered.

"It is easy to love my friend Benui, as easy as it was to hate the Pale King. His sins are not your sins." Herrah spoke firmly. "You should not bear the blame of what happened because of his mistakes. I never knew him anyway, we never met before the accident anyway." She looked pensive, her mask off to show her body language.

"I believe that. You've been incredibly vulnerable and trusting of me, which the old Pale King was not. I've seen how hard you've worked to be the king you think Hallownest deserves, even as you hurt from the effort to learn as fast as you could." Lurien spoke softly. "He never understood the feelings of mortal bugs, not really. It wasn't his fault, just the nature of a god who merely wore the form of a mortal bug poorly. You don't resent your mortal shell the way he did, either. You're just used to being hungry, hurting and needing company like many peoples would."

I let myself relax in their arms and hugged them both, my friend Herrah, dear Lurien and the darkness before we would leave and don our masks once more. I wish I could hold all my friends, you included, dear Shade.

A touch of dark affection was returned and I felt warmth though their presence was very cold.

Chapter Text

Herrah had let me go with the promise of a gift she couldn't give yet, as she wasn't sure if it had any bad effects; she didn't want to give me a nosk's gift. I shuddered at her mention of the shapeshifter and wondered who a nosk would mimic for me. Would it be one of my friends? Lurien? Or the girl I dreamed of, one of the people I had left behind and couldn't remember anymore. I didn't think the latter was true. "I think we should visit the tribe. Not alone, but with another. You and I cannot solve this or face them alone. Which of the knights would you suggest, my king?" Lurien asked at the last leg of our journey.

"Hegemol, he's beloved by the city for a reason but we need him out of the armor. All the knights are very young. Isma would be kindly, as would Ogrim, but both of them can be… rambunctious." I rumbled out thoughtfully. "Hegemol is humble, he listens more than people suggest. I should spend more time with all my knights." I sighed.

There would be time enough once this was over, but I needed to make that more of a thing now, rather than later. "Not to mention Ogrim's smell could cause erm… misunderstandings. You and I both know why he was chosen, but his odor could make people believe we mean to offend."

The poor bug got enough crap, pun partially intended. With that in mind, I only stopped by my office to grab a plank to quickly inscribe on before heading to the knight's training grounds where they trained their hearts out, not expecting Hegemol to already be there, practicing movements without a weapon. "Hello, there good knight." I called. "Can you come out, so that we can talk?"

The knight removed the helm, setting it on the ground before the true Hegemol set foot out, then landed before me. He was short, squat and had a pale face with a darker-skinned blue body. He smiled a bit at me. "I'm surprised you figured me out after having lost your memory!" He laughed, a loud thing for half a moment before adjusting to a quieter voice. "Yes, I am the one called Hegemol."

"You're a menderbug?" I queried. "Is that why you cover your face?"

"Got it in one! My people prize our sneakiness, to be never seen at work is considered a point of pride-but fixing things only gets you so far, when it's people who need the help. There's many kinds of machines, both the physical and invisible!" He commented cheerfully. "I think giving people hope, someone to believe in who's like them is important. The size of my armor makes them feel comforted, like I could really help them!" Hegemol might be a big bruiser when he fights, but it sounds like he's put plenty of thought into what he does.

"Hegemol, did you make that armor?" I pointed for effect. "There's a control scheme in there, isn't there?"

He chuckled. "Oh yes, I really am much too small to fit in otherwise! You've never really asked me about it before. I'm surprised you're curious now. All of it is technology that already exists after all."

I gave him a flat look. "You expect Us to believe that you found a way to create a bipedal vehicle that can be manipulated through only mechanical power with the current technology we have, where the trams themselves need a power line to function." I commented dryly. "Want to try again?"

He chuckled. "You're right, touch the armor."

I touched it-it was cold as ice! "There's no mistaking what the main material is. You made this out of pale ore, it's powered by the soul energy trapped in it. That's why the armor has to rest, why you can't be in it all the time." I realized; looking at his head and remembering the chubby maggots, no wonder the False Champion could hardly breathe in there.

"Yes, yes. So why did you want me to come out of it?" He tilted his head.

"Forgive my familiarity, but I want your help. I need to go incognito to the moth tribe and start doing something very dangerous and important to help deal with the infection. Further briefing will be done when Lurien arrives. This will seem strange to you at first, as to why this is dangerous but necessary to deal with the source of the infection."

He stiffened. "You know where it comes from, now. That must be the reason for all that research and why you've sent us in different directions to help with the nearby gods." He realized.

That was part of it, but I didn't correct him on the now part. "They need our help. I'm healthy, the White Lady is healthy, but Unn is unwell and the Lord of Shades is almost dying. If we can stand together, our peoples can stand together, too." I spoke softly.

"So which of those are being talked about with the moths today?" He asked with a grin.

"The missing one." I commented cryptically and waited for Lurien.

He came and I gestured for them to sit so I would kindly not have to look up to Lurien to talk to him seriously. "I spoke to the Seer of the Moth Tribe about a number of things, but it is my hope that more can be done this time. The mission here is to arrive at the main moth settlement, in disguise. Long ago, the moth tribe was made by someone else, a great light that ruled over dreams. In my unremembered past, her physical form was slain by my hands after she grew angry with them for choosing to follow my light instead of hers." I explained. "Her grief, her rage-these are the things that fuel her to this day. She is still not dead. Her name… is The Radiance. I intend to teach a song today that I will teach you, to worship her and ease her rage and pain." I handed them a sheaf each that had the lyrics.

"We'll offer this to the moths, as a revival and urge them to pray to her for protection and gratitude for their lives. There is risk in doing this. You two, the Queen and myself are the only ones who know this for certain: The Radiance is the origin point for the Infection. I do not know how aware she is about the harm it is doing. She's lashing out in fear and anger, she thinks she will die alone and unremembered. So let's make sure this injustice I carried out so long ago is corrected." I spoke tensely.

Hegemol actually drew out a handkerchief and dried teary eyes. "Despite everything… you want to make peace." He just about sniffled.

I awkwardly patted the back of the knight. as he sniffled until Lurien returned. "We'll be headed to the tram, now." He commented. "I've arranged for a private tram, but not to worry. There won't be anything to announce that on our arrival; it'll not be observable, even by the tribe we're visiting. I'm glad you both can fly." Lurien announced. "We can do the briefing on the tram. Let's be off, then!"

"I'll look forward to your return, my good friend;" Darfel announced. "I'll have that tea you like so much to relax with when you return."

"Good man, look forward to your raise." Lurien spoke warmly.

Darfel wore the driest of expressions, raising one antenna. "I get paid, sir? That's news to me."

I snorted as we left, picking up two used cloaks, plus a pack for Lurien that I imagine would be a personal cloak of his. We set out, entering the tram, waiting until the doors closed and the tram began to run. I shed the robe, Hegemol averting his eyes as he donned the disguise cloak. The mask and the cloak that covered Lurien came off and revealed his true moth form. He opened the pack, pulling on the thick cloak, then multiple necklaces with various pendants and decorations that looked ritualistic to my eyes. He touched the main pendant of each necklace to his forehead before placing them. He then took out a newer-looking one that looked more freshly carved; a simplified king idol. I didn't understand the significance of his various necklaces, the proper word for it escaping me in the moment. "Goodness, Whisperer! I had no idea you were a moth!" Hegemol exclaimed.

"That's the idea for the Watcher cloak." Lurien spoke wryly. "I trust that my secret is safe with you?"

"You got it!" Hegemol gave a thumbs up. "Ah, so we're going to the moth tribe, yes?"

"That's correct." I handed him a wooden plank with music on it. "Please both of you memorize this song. Lurien, would you be willing to be counterpoint in this?" I asked softly.

"Of course, my king." He demurred. "I'm glad I still practice while I paint."

They both spent the trip reading over it until we came to a stop. When I came out, I was surprised to find that it was the stop by the Hive. The opening wasn't sealed, but a worker bee waited there, staring us down as we went past, until we were out of sight. We didn't bother using the criss-crossing caverns, only flying up. We were very close to the Cast-Off Shell, 'my' old corpse. I refused to think on it further, but I was curious about it and if I'd find anything there or if there was a point of me going. Oh well. We went up, diverting from that point and away from the Colosseum of Fools. Wait. Why were we heading here, instead of the Resting Grounds? Now that I think about it, there's not much room there for a tribe to live.

We got to the bench that was near the Cast-Off Shell, but the explorer's tent wasn't there. Instead, there was a bit of a clearing, where many tents were, with the bench being near a sort of village green. There were groups clustered together, though some held very tiny caterpillars who blinked sleepily at the world and the strangers curiously, before curling into their caretaker's arms again. They were tiny babies. Some of the adults drew close. "Pluvi? Is that you? You came back?" One of the older adults spoke up.

"Sadly, not to stay. Please, call me Lurien now. I haven't gone by Snow in a long time." He spoke with a wry tone to the stranger.

"Always so dry, very well. What brings you here?" The stranger frowned. "And with outsiders, as well."

"Oh, my apologies-I sadly don't know enough about your ways to know if we're polite to be here, but I hope to try!" Hegemol spoke softly, but enthusiastically. "Please, give us a chance. We come in peace, with a song to offer."

Surprise was in the sudden movement of their antennae. "...a song? Well, alright. Everyone! Someone actually brought us a song!"

I waited for everyone to come around and I opened myself. "This song is called exec_SPHILIA, and it is a tool to communicate with the heart of the Light. The Pale King has sent edicts thatt others are encouraged to pray to the gods of Hallownest. This one is hurt, but this song is intended to soothe those hurts, to share the empathy of experiencing pain, but the plea to let them know that it's alright to open her heart once more. This song is to be addressed to the goddess known as The Radiance." The first time I had mentioned her name aloud; to name a thing is to give it power, to give it shape.

To recall that name is to invite it, to state it an explicit one.

"Opening system with all possible permissions under the authority of administrator Ar Vinan Dia, preparing to share freely with all connecting users data packet, exec_SPHILIA, entering echo address benui_viuy.sec_artonelico…"

All present, save the children obviously, chose to connect and receive the song. "A song of connection…" One murmured.

"Lurien, are you ready? My friend?" I touched Hegemol's shoulder.

Both nodded and we began to sing, I personally pouring out my soul magic and emotions into the song. I wasn't sure either, I was scared. This could completely go wrong.

I began to sing, Lurien's voice and essence entwining through mine, he felt more… misty, less solid but I could feel how much he did love me, how willing he was to simply admire me from afar until I was ready. I felt in that moment, that I had to sing it to him, as much as the Radiance. I could feel his intentions with the song and I felt the link slide into place. His interpretation, though was a little different than mine. We had to negotiate the connection, giving up a little control of the song, the narrative in order to pull it off.

And then we sang.

Kiafa hynne mea? Pagle tes yor (Can you hear my voice, I'm calling to you)
Fou paks ga kiafa hynne yor (Affirmative, communication possible)
Kiafa sarla, pagle tes yor (Can you hear my song?)
Wee paks ga faf yora accrroad mea? (What benefit is this for me?)
Was yea ra pauwel en wael yor. (I'll grant you pleasure and strength.)
Wee paks ga chs mea? (What does that mean for this one?)
Echrra en chs ar dor (Synchronicity, harmony with the world)
Was paks ga chs na mea (Self become something not self)
En paul yor rora harton mea… (You must be tested, if this one would let you in.)

Yorr faf, so (Are you afraid?)
Was ki ga faf so (Yes, I feel fear.)
Yorr hierle (Are you sad?)
Was ki ga hierle (Yes, I feel sorrow)
Mea paul yor (I see you)
Was ki ga paul yor (I understand you.)
Yorr nille mea (You're like a reflection of me)

In that moment, Lurien's influence faded and a much, much stronger presence came into the song. We had connected. My heart pounded. I could not deviate from my purpose, even as Lurien gave me a terrified look. He could feel in that moment what feeling came next. So did the now frightened Hegemol.

Yorr desfel (Do you feel hatred?)
Was ki ga desfel (I hate so much)
Yorr ween shell (Have you been chained?)
Was ki ga ween shell (Yes, I am being chained in a shell.)
Mea paul yor (I understand you)
Was ki ga paul yor (I see you)
Mea nille yor (We're reflections of each other)

The song's synchronization suddenly failed, followed by me falling back, as if I'd been pushed. I'd been rejected. "That must be some soul requirement to use magic song that intense." One moth commented. The community joined together and began to sing together, with uncertainty… then growing joy, as if something had spoken back to them. I watched over them as they prayed. "How can we sing the praises of this goddess?" Lurien's friend asked me.

"A mundane song, perhaps sung in harmony." I suggested; "here comes the sun, little darling…" I began to sing.

They followed and we began to sing that song until they got it, waving as our trio set out, content that nobody's eyes had begun to glow. This should help. This should be a start. We returned in silence, awe in Hegemol's bearing-but Lurien himself was stiff. "What did you contact?" Lurien spoke quietly.

"The Radiance, goddess of light and dreams. I think you can draw your conclusions based on certain reports about the infection." I spoke, not tearing my eyes off of him.

His shock was palpable. "...you risked all those people on a theory?" He demanded, sounding horrified.

"Not a theory. I know why she's scared, why she's so angry, why she's doing what she is doing. I am setting it right, giving her people a second chance to make a choice, with a new option they didn't have back then." I spoke softly. "I can't fight her, Lurien. I can't use the other method planned, it would destroy my soul too much and there's costs too great. I have risked them, yes… but my visions show me that your people would die if I did nothing." I spoke, looking away in that moment.

"...you're being honest. You know we'd all die." Lurien sounded horrified. "...ah, right. I wouldn't envy you your foresight… it's in the one future you can see now, isn't it?"

I nodded. "You and the Seer would be the last ones left." I confirmed. "You would die, despite the guards you'd have and she would… I'm actually not entirely sure what happens to her." I admitted. "But she wouldn't be a part of the living world after that."

He was silent. "Alright." He spoke softly.

"You're… really alright with that explanation?" I spoke, stunned.

"No, not really but I understand it." Lurien sighed. "Which is more than I can say about some of your actions before the trip down to the Abyss that changed you so much."

I left it back and felt unsettled as I returned to the palace. I hoped the song would make it to the group living in the Crossroads.

Chapter Text

I watched as Isma chatted up one of the palace staff, an idol of Unn hanging from her waist, the eyelet on the back doing its job for the belt-worn style. Warriors tended to go for those, since they were the main people to actually wear a belt, though some wore it purely to have pockets. It made sense, since putting a pocket in a cloak sounded like a sure way for something to get lost. Moths tended to hang things off their various decorative necklaces, but that wasn't either popular or particularly useful for the city where pickpockets could be around. I was mingling after holding court and hearing any cases that were troubling the bailiffs and the ombudsman enough to need a second opinion on. I read the cases carefully before my decisions.

It had been a month since the song had been sung and shared to the moths and it had spread, both the magical and mundane song. Hey, the Beatles were talented pop and rock writers! Here Comes The Sun had spread quite a bit further, since exec_SPHILIA was a bit less pop-friendly, though people loved to sing the call and response part, without the soul behind it to make a connection. There were consequences both positive and negative from it. For the first week, cases of the Infection soared, though curiously not among those who learned the Hymmnos song. When a victim was taught the special song, they performed it and found within hours, the fever dying down and the light dimming. For those still alive, the song was spread.

The Infection had slowed to a crawl, due to people understanding that the song could genuinely protect them-but it hadn't stopped. It wouldn't bring back those who'd already died to the sickness or those the dead infected had killed in their maddened state. It felt like salt to the wound and I felt sick, even thinking about how many casualties there were from the illness. However I got the Radiance to make peace, I hoped that I could inspire her to make up for the death she had caused, as the other who'd helped cause those deaths was essentially dead himself. I'm just inhabiting the shell he left behind.

I am the Pale King, yet I am not.

I took time to relax in the garden, smelling the plants and enjoying doing some little digging in the earth. It was relaxing, burying my claws and watching the earth churn under my efforts. I wanted to tunnel, but I resisted the urge. I could find a safer place and I didn't want to ruin the beautiful garden. The silence was comforting, with only the scritch scratch of fooling around in the dirt to accompany me, a linen cloak on that would be much easier to clean than the soft silk robes I preferred. I was distracted, purring until I heard the voice of responsibility once more: "Your highness, an urgent message from the queen: she needs you to come to her, at your earliest convenience. She bids you to come at speed, but not in a hurry." The messenger called, her voice projecting across the garden.

I got up and brushed myself off before heading towards the voice. "Your message is received. We will come as soon as we are clean and changed." I replied, before heading for my quarters to do just that. I wondered what Root wanted; she'd been pretty settled in her garden, though she didn't bind herself like she did in the original timeline. Dryya was doing a good job making sure nothing hostile could approach the White Lady. I took a happy Ogrim with me, as soon as I informed my staff that I was headed off to visit the queen and to reschedule tomorrow's appointments, just in case. I had freed up the day specifically just to dig and enjoy some relaxation, so my schedule this day was quite free. Lurien could use a day off, I'd say… a thought to table for later.

A pair of Kingsmoulds accompanied me and Ogrim, as we rode the stag to the Queen's gardens, one of them strangely… giggly. I touched both of them. From the one on my right, their few thoughts were orderly: a thought of how fun the wind felt on their face through the helmet and how interesting everything looked outside the palace. Their feelings were stable and simple. The one on my left, however was chaotic, thoughts of preservation, adoration bordering on obsession and a need to protect. Their feelings were unstable, fleeting and quite giddy. Every positive and energetic thing seemed so much brighter and harsher. Their armor was uncomfortable, they wanted very much to shed it and run around like a child. Poor thing-I knew what they'd become. "You'll get to have some fun while I'm attending to the White Lady." I told the strange Kingsmould. "Ogrim, would you like to play with one of my kingsmoulds?" I asked the big, gentle beetle.

"Oh, of course! Haha, it would be my pleasure! I'm sure we can roll around and enjoy each other's company!" Ogrim patted the back of the unstable guard, who giggled inanely.

I hope this won't bite me in the ass later, letting the Collector run around.

We arrived in short order to our destination, the gardens far less wild, though no less verdant than the world the game portrayed. The good knight Dryya looked agitated, but stood aside, hand on her nail. "Your majesty." She bowed her head. "Ogrim, let us enjoy this time while the king speaks to the queen." Dryya grinned as she pointed at him with her blade.

"Oh, yes! The Kingsmoulds will have fun, too!" Ogrim blustered and they moved to a more open spot to spar and wrestle in the dust. They really are like teenagers.

I couldn't help but purr and giggle a bit before heading towards the White Lady. She was seated, her horns having grown a fair bit in the weeks since she sought her shelter here, away from the ghost of her husband. She looked unimaginably tired, still save for the hand on a bundle of blankets beside her. "Root, my friend. My dear friend, are you well? Is everything alright? You called me here fairly urgently." I spoke softly. I didn't ask what was beside her, she'd tell me in her own time.

She actually laughed, though it sounded sad. Her voice was scratchy with her clear exhaustion; what had drained her so much? "You don't recall the talks we had when we were young. You're a different person, Benui." She spoke with deep bittersweetness, both fond and achingly nostalgic. "I had hoped in the weeks after the incident that perhaps your memory would return, but that hope is denied me. My dearest Wyrm is gone. The weeks I have spent here, I have come to terms with that, that you are not the same, nor do you feel remotely the same. Your soul is different, too. Moreso, now with the touch of the void in you, more than what seeped in with your experiments. Yet, you aren't the harsh ice of the abyss, you're much more gentle. Too gentle to speak the truth at first, but too gentle to let the lie and the false hope stand."

I wondered where she was going with all this. Why it was that she was saying all this now, but I imagined that for everything she could have done, that she'd agreed to do, that I had put her through-I listened in silence to her, standing and hearing out her pain and complaints. It was the least I could do. She ran a

"You may wear a familiar mask, but you are something entirely new, entirely needed to this world. Your efforts, I can feel them here, though my namesake the results of your action. The keeper of the Abyss is stronger, the Dreamer Unn is stronger-and the outcast is stronger, as well. You have strengthened all the gods save yourself through these efforts, there is no additional worship of you. You even granted me strength, as your efforts were equally attributed to me as the Queen of Hallownest. You have let that stand, despite how much strength it would gain you, to have those gods be grateful to you. I wouldn't have expected it of my husband, but perhaps… perhaps it's more suiting to a far more humble, gentle soul who stands in twilight." She touched my face gently. "Please don't cry for me, dear. I know you never wanted to hurt me, that you would protect those under your remit.

"Ah… but our bond is merely administrative and platonic affection, not what it was before. You cannot protect me from my fading sight, nor the decisions I make, now. You already prevented me from the gravest decision of my life. There will be no blood on my hands, now-but with my weakness, I must rest. A sleep so deep, that Dryya will truly be protecting me instead of being merely a symbol of our royal status." She let go of my face. "Before he left, my dear husband made love to me one last time. The results I bore not long before you came." She unwrapped the bundle, taking it into her lap.

A white and faint blue-speckled egg of surprising size, both larger than I thought it could be for her body and smaller than the ones of the Abyss in the game.

I felt an immediate and nearly overwhelmingly strong desire to grab that egg and hide it away from prying eyes. I heard a crooning sound, as my hands touched the egg, feeling the life and vague feelings that awaited their first breath inside. I realized after pushing aside those overwhelming feelings that the crooning was coming from me. "Ah… that is… our child…?" I spoke, stunned.

She chuckled. "Yes, I knew this would be the best course of action. I could sense a strong love for the young, a parental protectiveness within you. One of my domains allows it-but I am weakened. That was one of the reasons my dear husband didn't want me to bear-the cost of doing so. I greatly dimmed my divinity to bear this little one. I ask you to brood in my place, to protect our progeny. I know you aren't truly the one who sired this egg, but I know you will love it as the child of your body even if your soul is another's." She touched my face again. "When I have recovered, we will speak again. I have fought off sleep long enough to tell you these things. I love you, my friend. I will always love you… for you."

She held on enough for me to take her burden and cover it once more, keeping her hand on mine until her eyes slid closed and she slid into a deep torpor. If I couldn't feel the slight buzz of relief in her rest and the tears that dripped from her face in rest, I would have thought her dead, such was the depth of her rest.

I kept the bundle close to my chest and sank down at her feet, quiet sobs escaping me. She'd kept this burden, her wish finally granted at such a high cost, to lose her beloved and power alike to get the child she'd wished to hold-only to not be able to brood over it properly once born. I curled up and let out the grief into the back of her hand. I knew in my mind that this was not death, but I couldn't help but feel such sadness for her, unable to keep her child close in her state.

I have felt this loss before, haven't I? Something like it? The hole in my heart lurched and pained me. I wasn't just crying for her, this was something I had felt. My mind physically shied away from the connection, unable to bear it in that moment. When would I be done weeping? When would the tears be enough? When I've drowned in them? Why couldn't this just be a moment of joy and hope?

I stood up, once my sorrows turned into impetuous anger. It was weak of me, self-pitying to simply drape myself over her unconscious form and simply weep. I took another blanket and fashioned a sling to get home more easily with the new burden. I would do as she asked-it wasn't as if I wouldn't be doing similar very soon, though not with the same cost; Hornet wouldn't be wholly divine-Herrah was quite mortal, after all.

I came out to the three knights embracing each other, despite being piled, with Ogrim on the bottom, looking quite happy with the dirt that covered a good deal of his armor. A smile cracked through my demeanor. "Alright, Ogrim, Dryya. The White Lady has entrusted me with something very important. She will need to recover and rest and asked me personally to care for… our child." I ran my hand over the bundle, though the child could probably not feel it yet. "Dryya. I will send the other knights to help relieve your watch while our dear lady is unable to defend herself. You will not have to do this alone." I spoke softly.

The egg wouldn't feel my hand, but I could feel it. I told Ogrim to remain and took the Kingsmoulds with me, praising them before returning to the palace, careful of my precious cargo. I ordered the innermost room of the White Palace cleared of furnishings, only a mattress and a truly stupendous amount of blankets and pillows, with meals to be delivered to me on a tray and a message to the Dreamers that I would be secluded and unable to move, but willing to have visitors and to visit for further details. I waited on my own bed as the servants readied the room until they told me it was ready. I made my way there, all of my feet ticking away on the hard floor. I dragged blankets and pillows into the proper place, purring as I readied the set up.

I set the egg gently in the middle, with room to spare by it for another and curled around it, claws digging into fabric and both happy I had a clean space and something deep down that wished for stone and dirt. My feet tapped gently against the shell that entrapped the child. "The woods are lovely, dark and deep, with miles to go before I sleep." I recited.

The egg would need room because Hornet would soon join the one here.

"And miles to go before I sleep." I whispered.

Chapter Text

I slept with the egg and in my off hours, I was in my nest. I could feel my own instincts, both learned and that of my body kicking in. Servants set my meals on a table and took it out when the time for the next one was there. None would clean this room until the eggs were hatched, my territorial nature would not abide it. Lurien and Herrah could safely intrude upon this, Herrah guarding me, Lurien running his hands over my mask and back to soothe me, fulfilling the two functions of a mate that my animal mind expected. I felt oddly happy that I was so doted upon by two 'suitors.' I didn't think too much about that, as I had no romantic interest in Herrah in the slightest, even if I thought her form glorious to behold. Which she is.

Monomon is so strange to me that I don't really understand her. She's lovely, a poet who loved science and knowledge itself. Turns out, she is an amazing hugger as well. She's soft, unlike basically anyone else close to me. Lurien is fuzzy, with some give to his body but not his arms or hands. I look down at my body, the four hands, with their thin arms. The upper arms are thicker, longer, with proper hands, while the lower hands had three fingers, though it still had opposable thumbs; none . They just didn't have the precision of my upper arms. They weren't really useful to me, I tended to forget I had them until I brushed them against something. The Unconquered Sun had four arms. I randomly remembered; not that I'd compare myself to such a god.

Thankfully, my instincts did not actually demand I stay in the nest. My instincts in fact drove me to pace a lot more, up and down the hallways of the palace, looking for threats and growling at any unfamiliar guards before getting control of myself and becoming mortified. Gods, I am such a mess. I cursed internally. I rubbed my scent over the egg, to guard it against (who, really would dare?) predators. What I really wanted was dirt, but I didn't want to risk it. I was finicky about cleanliness in this life, though I vaguely recall struggling with the sensory overload of a shower and baths either being unavailable due to being homeless or making me feel filthy. On the other hand, silk was preferred as it didn’t annoy me; linen is what they have, cotton’s not a known quantity, nor is wool for fairly obvious reasons; felt was a rare commodity, used mostly by the nobility who could afford it. The main cloths used were entirely linen and silk, with different grades and weaves of both. Linen poorly woven can be itchy or catch on the edges of my carapace while even the worst silk slid over it. I also found the smoothness comforting and soothing. Being king, I had access to weaver and the rare nosk silk so not only was it extremely comfortable, it was often enchanted. I love magic!

For my disguise for the planned outing, I planned on donning a red caste seal and disguising my horns as that of a shy noble who gave permission to mimic her appearance. She was a bit of a shut in anyway but the owners of some shops knew her and each seal had specific inclusions that identified the person. While it didn’t stop fake seals with shops that didn’t have a person capable of resonating the stone and checking it, it did stop intruders in the more important relaxation and official buildings. Stolen seals was a problem, but with the guards in the noble district and the community being very close-knit everyone knew at least the face of all the nobles.

Rozmea was not exempt, despite her wallflower tendencies. She just wanted to cook and do her job in the palace; she didn’t care that others judged her for such a ‘common’ job-she just wanted to turn her attention to making delicious and beautiful food. I rather valued her work as a food enthusiast in my former life and a foodie in this one. While my diet would seem gross to a human with all the bug meat and various mushrooms that included slimes, she made them look and taste very nice.

I needed to get out of the damn white walls around me to a place that wasn’t the Abyss. That was a fun weekly visit for the company, but not the environs. A part of me was comforted by the sameness and the reflection of my light, but my mammal soul desired some visual stimulation and more company. I donned the smooth, slightly lower quality blue cloak of a middle-ranking noble. I wondered how the ranks got started to begin with, as the records weren’t all that clear, probably one of those things that seemed innately ‘obvious’ to those in the society, while being inscrutable to outsiders. I saw the illusory antennae wiggle and turn to and fro. The scents and antennae position formed a lot of how other bugs interpreted emotional and social cues, but me and Root both lacked those, as did maggots and those… flukes. Ugh, they are worse on the creepiness in person. The smell is nigh indescribably foul. Rotting onions, a hot dumpster, soured vinegar, plus an additional bit of soured milk left to sit out to boot. Ogrim didn’t deserve to get lumped in with them, for sure.

I turned my mind to the metallic scent of the rain, pipes and sewers cleaning what they could and returning it to the Blue Lake, to ensure the aquifer wouldn’t dry up. The rain was part of the city’s charm and the moisture actually helped some farms on the outskirts of the city that little Ghost never traversed. I’d seen them on a map, but not in-person yet. Maybe once I have secured the agreement or if I get a spot after the eggs hatched. I ‘knew’ somehow that Root’s had a while to go and I wasn’t even getting any signs of being ready yet for Herrah’s egg to come out, though I now looked very obviously pregnant.

The Pleasure House loomed ahead of me in short order, a waxed low-quality silk umbrella shedding the rain. I shook it off in the cloak room, closing it and placing it into a cubby. Nobody who came here would be so gauche as to steal; openly, that is. I came up to the counter, set down my seal and the concierge prayed and set a white-glowing claw against it. “Ah, Lady Rozmea, I adored your meat dish the other day. Please have a good time in the Pleasure House. 300 geo will be accessed, is this acceptable?”

“I find it acceptable.” I pitched my voice higher, to sound more like her.

300 geo cover charge for this place is mostly to set it out of the purchasing power of a commoner who may be passing by unless they had the properly deep pocketbooks needed to make the bath and dinner service affordable. Just coming in for a Marissa concert though might very well worth it to most. She was not on the stage quite yet, but her visage was on the sign, as was her name. I sat down at one of the tables, where Lurien sat, in a different mask than usual. His mask as the Watcher that most knew was not his ‘personal’ mask-it was a badge of office. He actually had multiple masks, multiple styles of cloak that made him less noticeable. Some even came with the bug equivalent of wigs-wood or wire-shaped attachments, sewn together fibre that looked like the fur or hair of different species, even colognes that would make him smell like other species. Today, he had a very convincing small set of horns and scent applied that made him seem like one of the bugs of the Soul Sanctum, though they were a bit of an uncommon sight here.

“Ness, wasn’t it?” I spoke softly, bowing my head a little awkwardly before sitting.

“Indeed, Rozmea.” He greeted me in return, loud enough to carry before his voice went back to normal, tapping a glowing claw to the small glass candle-holder on the table, the flame flickering from green to blue. “We won’t be heard now, Benui.” Came his real, much warmer voice. “Are you coming along well?”

I grasped his hand and set it on my belly. “Yes. The little one’s active now.” I spoke softly.

He smelled absolutely flabbergasted at feeling a kick against his hand. “H-how?” He asked, his voice unsteady.

“The egg’s not formed, but the little one is.” I spoke, purring happily as he lifted his hand away, touching my arm instead and rubbing it through my cloak.

We made our orders for food as a host came by, then sipping drinks as we just... talked to each other about work, about food, about the songs we liked, about Marissa, about ordinary things to us. I raved about how the meat supplier who got a break for being honest had not just bounced back, but got to bounce back with higher-quality meat due to the stored eggs being of accidental cross-breeding and the careful rearing the rancher had done with his second chance flock that resulted in tastier, more tender meat.

We ate once food was brought out to the patrons, who talked as the opening acts played music softly, if by song or by instruments. I got to hear new songs, as well as songs both that had been played for me and the hymn for the Radiance I had suggested to the moths. I shouldn’t have worried about it not spreading, the song was an earworm. Once plates were carried away and desserts handed out, the talking had died down as an ethereal beauty walked onto the stage, singing acapella in an eerie, breathless way. I couldn’t help but stare in awe as the voice carried me places emotionally that I couldn’t rightly describe.

The game both did and didn’t do her justice, it’s just always better in person.

She bowed once her performance was through and the closing acts came out as the sweets plates were carried out, I felt myself purring, relaxed and happy.

“I love seeing and hearing you happy.” Lurien spoke softly, setting down his personal seal for paying for the meal for the concierge to check once the others had paid for their meals. “I love being around you. You, Benui. As yourself.”

I knew, had known for a long time that he’d adored the Pale King. I’d seen the little signs of mourning the person he’d known, but at the same time, finding himself softening towards me, even as he saw my flaws and bit of ruthlessness. I had slowly defined myself, as this body, as this person named Benui. I had rejected one woman, found something of a mutual respect with another and I reached out and grabbed his hands in each of my upper pair. “I think... I have known for a while that you have had feelings for me-and that-” I paused.

I had to look within myself. To understand what had happened to me, where I had been and where I was going. What could and would, as well as couldn’t happen between us. There had been hints as to what he could expect, what I could and couldn’t do for him. I couldn’t yet say that word.

“I love you, Lurien. I think I’ve loved you for a while. I think I didn’t want to admit it, as I needed to do and learn things before we could really talk about this. You’ve been good. Patient. I think if you wanted to give it a chance, that I would like to pursue a romantic relation with you. To figure this out and stand with you as you stand with me. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t have foresight any more, just a knowing of who is mine, the prayers and the feelings of those around me. I can’t ignore the good partner who’s been waiting for me any longer.” I squeezed his hands lightly. “I want to move forward, at each others’ side. Whatever comes next.”

Maybe it wasn’t romantic. I don’t know. But I could feel his anxiety, and then his happiness and affection, elation and attraction.

I could feel it all the way home, hand in hand with my partner and I knew somehow that we would never truly be parted except in death as we crossed the threshold from outside to inside the palace.

I thanked Rozmea and gave her a bonus for letting me pose as her for a night so I could go out privately for a date, of course. What would come next for me was infinitely harder than I could ever imagine.

Chapter Text

Labor started in the early afternoon and Hornet’s egg had arrived by morning, leaving Herrah able to pray to her gods and do the various rituals that Deepnest does for their new young in the early parts of the day. Eggs were a means to get around how dangerous it was to be pregnant and give the chance to parents to take turns hunting-and therefore eating-and protecting the egg. Eggs could be hidden and made no noise; this was both a pro and a con.

It did, of course, hurt like the dickens and I was a snarling, hissing, upset creature who bit anyone who got close. Ogrim’s armor has some very wicked-looking new markings that he is talking about having be repaired with a different-coloured metal to line where I’d chomped during a contraction. They hurt, dammit! I did immediately apologize and start crying because Ogrim’s such a good friend and he just laughed and rubbed my back as I struggled through the birth.

Knowing I can shear through steel is metal as fuck.

I cried over the eggs and got very emotionally overwhelmed for hours. I was completely bonded to my eggs, I broke down crying when I tried imagining them in the Abyss. Thankfully, Hornet’s wasn’t quite as large as the one little Ghost would have come out from, but the one that the twins inhabited was, which wasn’t all that surprising given, well. Twins.

I sat in my nest, warm and safe, recovering from my ordeal and curled around my eggs with a newly flat stomach, and wondered why despite being happy and relieved that it was over, I felt strangely... sad. I clung to my eggs and tried to keep my mind busy. Paperwork and getting out for fresher air in the halls while servants cleaned helped. Bathing helped. I meditated on the moon and its eternal, yet eternally changing nature. And then I found myself sleepless, pacing and wringing my hands in my sleeves.

My mind seemed to whirl around an axis, and I couldn’t find anything but a hole at its centre. The shape of something was there, I just couldn’t remember. How can you process a trauma that you cannot remember? I had that half-hysterical thought as I paced. I had pieces of a life, but far from its whole. I had a good picture of the kind of person I had been, but not enough to figure out why that black sadness I felt at the start was rearing its ugly head once more. I wasn’t alone any more, I had friends, loved ones; I did feel for Root, I hoped she’d wake someday and I worried about her-but this sadness didn’t seem connected to her. It felt connected to the Stranger, to the person now called Gentle. A being of contrasts, a being connected to both the light and the darkness, to love and despair alike.

Who had the person called Benui been? Who was the me that died in the cold? I sat with the ecstatic Herrah, who crooned to the egg with sublime joy and tears in her eyes for a time. When she went out, Lurien came in alone to see me. Darfel was usually nearby, but not this time. I didn’t understand why I burst into tears, burying my face into Lurien’s cloak. He settled in and rubbed my back as I sobbed. “Did you sleep last night?” He asked gently.

“No.” My sob made the sound bounce like it had two extra syllables. “I don’t get it. This feels so familiar, but it’s not. I should be happy.” My voice was strained as I spoke.

He let me talk it out, just sitting there as I let myself be overwhelmed finally by my emotion. “You don’t have to be happy, really. You gave birth out of a political agreement. Certainly, you did it out of kindness, but-are you thinking about how Herrah might raise the egg away from you?” Lurien asked gently.

I thought about it and it felt like my heart was squeezed in a cold fist. I knew, I had known for weeks that Herrah might want to raise the heir of Deepnest in Deepnest. I had prepared myself, I had thought I had! Yet as I sat with the egg, now it felt like I was about to get something ripped away agai-

“Ripped away... again?” I echoed my thoughts. “Why again?”

I thought over my moment of death. Anne, I’m sorry. I had thought something like that, but I hadn’t thought about who that had been. I couldn’t remember who that Anne was, her name was one that hadn’t thought much of since. It was then that I remembered the dream the Nightmare King had visited, the strangeness of it and-

-and the girl. The girl whose name I couldn’t hear in the dream, with pale hair and grey eyes that felt familiar, the little chin, the strong nose. “Her name was Anne. I dreamed of her.” I realized. “Her face wasn’t like a bugs, she was soft, with hair like a butterfly’s.” I described for Lurien. “The way my past self was.” I spoke more softly. “I think that she has something to do with-with... this feeling.”

“The words are struggling to get out, aren’t they? Sometimes I will paint it out, even if nobody will ever figure out what it is. You may not paint as I do, but there’s another way you can express it.” He rubbed behind my head, making me purr.

Faura yerwe murfan anw sol ciel 
(The little bird chirps eir feelings for all)
Faura sonwe murfan anw sol ciel ee
(The Little bird sings eir feelings to the world)
Hymmnos oz faura pomb na omnis, den accrroad
(A powerless song that can’t create anything, but it’s sent to you anyway)

Sos yor, yanje revm, na endia revm, yehah revm…
(For you, I'll ceaselessly weave you a dream, an endless dream, a happy dream...)

Fou hellei ga...faura sonwe presia yorr wis yehah
(I offer myself... to free you from a great sadness)
Tasyue yorr yehar elle fandel hierle
(The little bird sings like ey are are trying to bring you happiness)
Ween shellan yorra accroad mea, sarla oz enne
(From inside this cage I was thrown away into, I’ll sing this prayer)

Titil yehah, presia yorr wis yehah, presia yanje
(Even if it’s just a little, please feel joy, please gods let it last)
Hyear, whai yorra vit rol hierle?
(Why are you looking at me with those sad tears?)

Tears rolled down Lurien’s face as I sang. He grabbed my hands. “You sound full of grief.” He spoke softly, horror filling his voice. “You lost her. You lost your child.”

I stopped. Remembered the other voice in my nightmare. You deserve nothing.

Not lost. Stolen. Stolen. I felt a single tear and static covered my sight and hearing. I felt nothing

Nothing

this isn’t who We are any more, the world’s waiting for you

you’re him

I’ll be waiting for you where it all began, in the evening of Our first life.

I came back to myself, the disassociating slipping away bit by bit until I felt Lurien’s arms around my shoulders, rubbing my back. “Are you back?” He asked softly.

“Yes. For good.” I spoke, feeling wrung-out. “Though I will probably sleep now.” I laughed, an ironic, dry thing.

I didn’t ask how long I’d been out. I just lay my head into the lap of the man I loved and rested myself.

I dreamed that night of holding a child and singing wordlessly, Epona’s theme slowly soothing both of us under a dawn-hued sky, tired and scared but wanting to fight still..

Chapter Text

I was dreaming again. “You’re sure you want to know?” Came a raspy voice. “You’ll not be able to forget this time.” Grimm cautioned.

“I’m tired of being in the dark about most things in my life. Keeping myself ignorant won’t help me and whatever happened, it’s already done. It’s past. I remember just enough to know that Anne was mine.” I spoke softly.

His demeanor and the glow in his eyes changed, losing its liveliness and brightness. “Oh, Stranger.” He actually sounded pained. “Let me show you.” He took my hand and the world shifted.

There was a somewhat overweight human, whose face was a blur, but I could tell ey wore glasses, that eir hair was blond and their chin was a bit more prominent than what was considered attractive for eir born gender. Ironic, even now my old face is denied to me, though I consider that a mercy.

I look tired beyond all reason. There’s no light in eir eyes, whatever my past life had gone through, it had stolen all the hope and passion left in that soft body. This isn’t me, not anymore. It’s hard to believe that I’ve not been human for... months, now. I’m Benui, now. I thought as I watched her, a purse on hand. Huh, wait. “Why aren’t I wearing a backpack? I wore a backpack everywhere.” I commented softly.

Nightmare King Grimm waved his hand, hesitating. “You wiped your computer, then dropped the backpack and everything else off at the thrift shop. You had a little money on you, but that’s it.” He spoke softly. “And the same is true of your phone.”

My mind went completely silent at that.

“Then you caught the bus and got out at a point where you could get a large fountain drink. You got water and paid for it. Then you left and watched the sun set.” He spoke sadly.

I watched my other self look up at the moon. “My parental rights were stripped. They never charged me with anything, not with neglect or anything. Just on the strength of an accusation. Just on the strength that I was living with friends instead of on my own.” My former self whispered. “How? How is this right? How did my father’s wife kidnapping my child lead to this?” There was no rage left, just sobbing as ey hugged eirself. “Police wouldn’t help me, they said it was a civil matter and child services said it was a legal matter! Why wouldn’t anyone help me? What did I do wrong?”

She rocked herself back and forth and wailed out her grief. “My marriage is ruined, I have no home left! I’m living in a hell where I’m harassed every day! Nobody will hire me! I can’t even drive or, or give blood just to have a little money! All I have are just… me living off my friends. What is left for me? How can I wait so many years, just so I can tell her the truth when I know that bitch is going to poison her against me!? She... my little girl green isn’t going to know that so many people fought to have her in their lives.”

The tears ran out as ey stared up at the moon. Ey lifted eir song in song for the last time.

Sheets of empty canvas
Untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me
As her diapers once did

All my horizons
Revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed
Has taken a turn

Oh and all I taught her was... everything
Oh I know she gave me all that she was

And now my bitter hands
Chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything
Oh the pictures have
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything.

And now my bitter hands
Cradle broken glass
Of what was everything
All the pictures had
All been washed in black
Tattooed everything

All the love turned ash
Turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see
All that I am
All I'll be...

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star In somebody else's sky
But why, Gods, why
Why can't it be-
Why can't it be mine?

Ey sobbed out the final lyrics, almost howling the final, nonsense sounds. Once that human finished, ey picked up the cup. I knew what had to come next.

AAAA

I knew what would come next, the cover getting torn off. The contents poured over head and body, soaking everything in the icy cold.

No. Horror rocked my heart. “No...” I muttered.

A warm arm went around my shoulder as the vision of my past self took off the now useless hat and gloves. The skin first became red, then more and more pale as first, they shivered-then fully pale as they stopped shivering.

They tried to get up, a little light returning and desperation setting into eir eyes before sinking back down, blue lips only moving and whispering.

BBBB

“I’m... sorry I couldn’t hold on, Anne-” The last words the human ever spoke. I hadn’t known I had even spoken them back then. The world faded to black, a hot hand leading me to somewhere. A grave in a place now green with summer, the name blurred out.

Beloved friend, parent and devoted of the Gods
The world couldn’t hold your heart, dear friend
Until we meet again

A pentacle rested above my name. Grimm brushed a hand over it, dust falling until the seal of Hallownest was lain as if the body was the pentacle instead of the usual three segments. The last line had been changed: We will meet again.

I touched the carving. I fed the carving magic, including a touch of the Abyss. “We will meet again, someday.” I whispered. “Whatever form you’re in. Whatever name you wear, Anne. We will see each other again.” Tears came out, falling on the stone.

“It’s time for you to go back. We aren’t meant to be in this world.” He spoke softly. “I’m glad, though.”

“Glad.” I echoed flatly, uncertain of where he was trying to do.

“Yes. I wish that you had chosen another path, Benui. It’s true that you experienced an unspeakable horror and personal tragedy that I can only begin to fathom due to my nature-and add onto that the fact that you were abused to boot by those you should have been able to trust.” He spoke gently. “No wonder you felt so very alone-and yet, there’s those that made sure you were honoured, remembered and grieved. Now that you know, what are you going to do?”

“Cry. A lot. Then I’m going to probably get very, very drunk since far as I know, bugs don’t lactate. And I’m going to cry a lot on Lurien, Monomon and Herrah. Might cry on poor Quirrel if he comes by or Darfel. And when I’ve cried myself out, I’m going to get on with living and make sure that I do the best I can with this life.” I spoke softly. “And you can keep on dancing and dying forever. Whatever happens to me after this mess is cleaned up, I’ll figure it out.”

He smiled at me and everything went dark again. I groaned as I stretched, finding that I’d wound myself into a tight ball against Lurien’s side.

Whatever was left of the things I didn’t remember, the friends and family that might have still been around, it wasn’t a part of this life. I could leave it and them all behind, after all-what else could I do? If they loved me, they’ll be happy to see me happy.

“Lurien?” I spoke, my voice rumbling with the dregs of sleep.

“Mmm? Yes, Benui?” He ran a hand down my back.

I rubbed my cheeks against his, kissing him. “I’m going to cry a lot the next few days, but I think it’ll all be okay in the end.” I whispered. “I think I’ll be okay, but I’ll need my friends, my Dreamers and my Royal Knights. We’ll get drunk and we’ll laugh about this when you’re old and tired.”

“But Benui, I’m tired now.” He replied sleepily.

I laughed, even as white tears escaped my eyes. “I know, but you’re far from old. Just-let’s have fun with the day.”

“Alright, but it’s still the middle of the night. Let’s sleep a little more, the work day will be there for us when the night is through.” He spoke quietly, running fingers over my neck gently.

He was right, too; the day would greet us beautifully and we drank to our health and to the health of the children we were waiting for; there was a future to fight for.

To live for.

Chapter Text

Monomon hummed happily as she stroked my face with one of her tentacles. She was hugging me, for the most part with some of her tentacles gently spread over the eggs. I didn't worry about her breaking them, as she could float. It's kind of strange, but I asked her about it and she said that there's a type of gas trapped in the gel of her body that makes her naturally buoyant. I sighed as her tendril rubbed over my horn and I batted it away lightly despite my purring. I was starting to get overstimulated.

Monomon giggled. "Enough cuddling?" She asked playfully. "Would you like more poetry?"

"Not at the moment, no." I spoke softly; I do like poetry, I just have had enough for now.

The soft scientist giggled and shifted her weight. "...oh?" She drew back and I saw that the eggs were wiggling a bit, Hornet's more than the twins.

I placed my hand on Hornet's first. She had wakened and wasn't ready to come out, she was just wiggling and turning as wakeful babies tend to do. I covered her egg in a blanket, sending a little soul to her to let her know that someone was there. She stilled at it a moment, before turning and wiggling more.

I placed my hand on the other and the twins were uncomfortably tight as they'd been the past few days, but they seemed far more desperate to get room. They were trying to cut the egg with their egg teeth and stretching as much as they could. "Oh, they're hatching! Please get the other dreamers!" I spoke excitedly.

"Will do!" She took off.

Hornet wouldn't be hatching for at least another month according to Herrah. She'll just have to live with being technically the youngest of the three siblings, the poor dear. I kept an eye on the egg as I waited for my friends to arrive. I reached out to the Kingsmoulds and found that the giggly one was closest. 'Do you want to help? Then get a bucket of water and towels. Come to where your creator broods over eir children. The first two are coming.'

To no surprise, the Collector was absolutely thrilled at the prospect. It ran off to do my bidding and I giggled myself thinking of the chaos that they'll cause. I was not exactly sweating, but my hands shook a bit with the knowledge. The knowledge that I was about to become a parent once more. The kingsmould arrived and I bowed my head. "Thank you, my loyal servant. I rejoice at your life and birth each and every time that I meet you." I told them honestly.

They giggled inanely. "Love, love, so much love." They spoke in a high, breathy-sounding voice. It was more like a whisper than talking, but clearly talking.

Dammit, I'll have to research that later! "Yes, I love you, too. You may stay, but you must not interfere unless I tell you to, alright? They must hatch with their own strength."

He nodded as I thought to myself about how I didn't want to risk void contamination. I had pushed up my light as much as I could for both the twins and Hornet, though with what's in my body, she would definitely have some in her body.

Herrah and Lurien power-walked faster than Monomon could float. She did, however grab onto Herrah to keep up with the others, which was the unforgettable image I had as they came in, the Collector sitting and singing his legs comfortably in the back of the room, giggling at the sight as much as I did. "I am never going to forget this day for more than one reason." I spoke, sounding serious before laughing again. Lurien got out of the way, as did Monomon, both would only be there to support me. Herrah was the only one who knew what she was doing.

She sat near the eggs. "You can sense them, yes? Are they in distress?"

"No, just very focused." I replied.

I put my hand on the egg again and one of the twins got incredibly lucky-by cutting into the egg, right where my hand was. I hissed and pulled my hand away, to show the silvery blood and the small hole that one of them had pierced through the egg. Some of the unease left their mind, but both were pushing and the child poked through the eggshell again, causing a crack to form.

"There you go. Keep going, little ones." I whispered to them, focusing away the small puncture.

Herrah dipped a rag and prepared herself, handing another for me to do the same with. Watching the egg slowly crack was a bit of a nail-biter, before the first big shard fell off. Herrah grabbed that shard, setting it aside; that would be important later, for cultural practices. As a first time Hallownest parent, I had no idea about what those entailed quite yet, but Herrah was helpful for that kind of thing, as was Lurien. Monomon liked to learn about it with me, so she was absolutely thrilled to be the auntie along with Herrah for the twins.

My heart almost stopped as the last bits of egg gave way enough for the two to break free. One with familiar nubby horns fell into Herrah's care, while the other with blade-like horns looked up to me. "Welcome to the world, little ones. It's a noisy, often confusing place but there's so many things to show you as you get older." I promised them.

I didn't think it was coincidence at all that the twins were little Ghost and poor Hollow. I didn't angst about it, I just started washing the little one, who squeaked their displeasure at me. Ghost was even less shy about it, shrieking at the bath until Herrah got to their back, then just merely chattering unhappily at her. I couldn't help but laugh at their antics. Their masks were an awful lot like the game, but there were softer parts, thin and hard to see even under the bright light in this room. Their limbs were soft and surprisingly, a pale white. They were soft-and as I ghosted my fingers over their stomach, ticklish! They wiggled and giggled in the low chuckles of a baby learning.

Ghost was now content once they started getting dried off, same with Hollow. While I was thinking about that, I was thinking about names. No way I can name these children that. They deserve better names than that. I definitely had time though to name them, in this world of near feudal technology. I'll think of their childhood names in time for the third month of their life to conclude.

They could stand, which somewhat surprised me-they just couldn't stand for long. They crawled all over the nest, all over the dreamers and curled up on my lap. "I am the happiest person in Hallownest, next to Zemer." I commented.

"Nobody's as joyful as she is nowadays." Lurien laughed, a bit dry.

I hugged my children and was ready to do it all for them. We took turns feeding them, helping them use the bathroom and I fed them as much soul as they could accept. Something in me demanded I do this and as a wielder himself, Lurien fed them as well since the White Lady was... well.

I miss her. I wish she was here, able to see the children she'd wished so ardently for, the children she diminished herself for. I hope that you'll wake someday. That you aren't truly dead. Forgetting is the true death, as the Seer once said. I prayed to her; maybe it was too little, too late but perhaps I'd see her awake again someday.

Time flew by, busy between the minutia of running a kingdom and the responsibility of being a parent and feeding my divine children the much-needed magic they needed to flourish. When Hornet's time to be born, they were repeating sounds and curious about their soon to be little sister. They held each other as their sister was born.

Now that they were together, I could finally sing to them. Hornet would need Soul, but it would help her health to have it. How could I not love and care for the children of my body? The egg I had bore for my beloved friend. Hornet ate her egg from the bottom. Her limbs were nubbier than her siblings, but pale, with slight red hue. She was so soft and vulnerable, her carapace not hardened yet.

I kissed her mask anyway and sang to the three.

I believe the morning sun's always gonna shine again, and
I believe a pot of gold waits at every rainbow's end, oh
I believe in roses kissed with dew Why shouldn't I believe the same in you?

I believe in make-believe, fairy tales and lucky charms, and
I believe in promises spoken as you cross your heart, oh
I believe in skies forever blue
Why shouldn't I believe the same in you?

You may say I'm a fool, feelin' the way that I do
You can call me Pollyanna, say I'm crazy as a loon
I believe in silver linings
And that's why I believe in you

And as I sang, content in the love I had for my children, my friends and my people, my soul sang back and I understood at long last. I was somewhere between night and day, a beautiful place where it was safe, you could hide. I felt content in that knowledge.

My true name, I had finally realized my true name. Beloved void, I would pray my name to you, as I want you to be happy as I am. That I'd give myself to you as much as I do my subjects and children. I am...

The night felt particularly welcoming as we washed a squaling spiderling whose only defining feature was a clear gender. Her cradle name became Gendered Child. Klathos.

I granted them the cradle names Gem and Inai, because I love a good pun. Their real personal names would come later.

Chapter Text

Herrah was thrilled, to say the least to do her part. "Why would you need to ask me to take care of the little one? That's my child, too. For goodness sake, why are you taking the twins for that matter?" She grumbled. "I'd take care of them, too... they've got her scent and yours, they feel like mine too. Midwife wouldn't eat them, either."

"I'm not taking the chance with her." I commented, shouldering a bag full of what passes for baby supplies. "She might be sane, but you had to specify and that makes me nervous."

She bellowed out her laughter, unrestrained as she always was. Little Ghost startled and started angrily mewling and hissing at the disturbance. Bweeeeesh! I cuddled the little one and laughed. “You’re a valiant little one, aren’t you Gem?” I soothed them; Inai was staring at everything, sucking their thumb. Hmm, they must be hungry; I began to feed them, glad I had four arms.

“More courage than sense, I’d say.” Herrah spoke fondly.

“They won’t go all the way with me. Isma will be taking a brief break from her duties to visit the White Lady and Dryya to cheer the captain up. The two shall watch over the twins there. Well. Off we go.” I purred a bit and stepped out of the room.

Hegemol, Ogrim and Ze’mer would follow with me to my real destination. I would go adorned by my knights like true royalty. I held my children to my chest as we went out of the palace. I had a second reason for bringing the children out, young as they were. I wouldn’t forget her a second time.

Home is where you lay your roots. I thought as I caught sight of the knights. A metal band with wide medallions at each terminal, one with a sharply angular glyph, the other a sigil of a circle with six curling lines like legs on a bug-or like my wings and the Hallownest seal. “That torc. is there significance to it?” I tilted my head as I asked out of genuine curiosity.

“Love and dedication, le’mer.” She demurred, positively glowing in her happiness.

“...good for you, honorable knight.” I purred out for her; she got the start to her happy ending, I just hoped I could give her the time to live out her happily ever after.

They caught each other up on what they’d been doing, the four young people excitedly chattering while I nuzzled at my delightful children. Inai chewed on my hand absently, my carapace too hard for their baby teeth on one side, their baby teeth not enough to break through my softer palms. Gem babbled to me, then to Inai, who chirped their babbling back. Inai was purring contentedly as they chattered at their twin during the ride. Once we got to our destination, I rose and we got to walking our way through the kingdom’s edge. It wasn’t as dangerous in this time as it was in the post-Hallownest years, but it wasn’t safe. The Great Knights weren’t just for show, they were for helping protect me and my children. I despise violence, but I am not fool enough to think my pacifism would be shared among the wild creatures of this world.

It didn’t take long for us to get to where we needed to be. I handed the children to Isma, who the children snapped their heads to and began to feel at her curiously with their hands. She giggled at the sensation. “Your majesty, are you certain about doing this?” Hegemol sounded worried; I could sense that it was for me.

I turned to face the gentle knight in pale metal shell, summoning a light hand that would pat the actual bug that sat inside briefly, earning a startled squeak. I smiled with my eyes, slowly closing them like a cat. “Yes. Our vision was very specific that We needed to visit the cast off shell.” I spoke patiently. “We thank you for your concern and bid you wait. There will be nothing to fear, merely something that needs doing.”

I walked past the turn, leaving them where Hornet would face Ghost for the last time in the timeline that would now never be. I noticed little carvings of chains inside, something that had to have been done after the Pale Wyrm had died the first time. There were surprisingly dried sinews on the inside, keeping things more secure than they’d be in the future. There was a song I began to hear halfway in, unfamiliar with no words, only a whispery voice singing softly.

The song grew louder until I reached the back, seeing the broken egg that a wyrm once crawled out of. “Why here?” I wondered, reaching out to touch the egg.

I felt burning in my shell as reality fell away and I awoke in a body halfway between my wyrm one and my body. A more mobile face, hair, hands with the full five fingers, carapace, an extra pair of arms and hands, something between the feet of a human and the feet of the small wyrm that I was now, as well as glasses adorned me, as well as the soft, slippery silk that I wore, as well as cotton trousers that fell three-fourths the way down. Shoes were on my forefeet, but not the others that supported my middle.

“You’ve adjusted well, all things told to Our body.” Rasped a voice I heard every day, but with a deeper rumble than I affected every day.

The Wyrm, the Pale King stood before me in this liminal space that wasn’t quite a dream. A black choker sat around his neck, as did bracelets. A white band connected us, leading to where a navel would sit on a human. He was a little thinner than I was; he looked poorly fed and poorly rested, his carapace dull under the gentle glow we both had. “Well. It wasn’t easy at first, with how different it was. Nice to get some things confirmed for me, you really don’t know how to be mortal.” I spoke softly. “I can tell you didn’t take care of yourself.”

He blinked slowly at me a moment before laughing. “No, no I did not. I can see that now, with how much healthier and happier than I had been. So have you figured out how to deal with the Radiance.”

I sighed. “Yes and no. I have a plan, but I have no earthly idea on how well it’ll work out. Making peace with her seems like the best idea for now, hoping against hope that the isolation hasn’t driven her mad.” I glared at him a little. “Your plans required engineering I am not familiar with enough and an expertise with magic I lack.”

He stared back at me, though indirectly, circling around me. “You’re just as strong, no stronger than me. Whatever you lack, it was proficiency only. A proficiency I had hoped you could get past enough to defeat her.”

“Why’d you do it? How did this even happen?” I interrupted him.

He actually slumped in clear shame, whimpering. “I… I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t put children to unnecessary pain and death.” He spoke, voice thick with shame. “Void’s power defies time. I was willing to do anything to help my people, to defeat her… but not that.” He spat. “So I did the one thing my visions never included. I went to the void and offered myself. All of myself. I was willing to sacrifice myself if that’s what it took. To gain wisdom, to gain a champion-I had never imagined to watch the timeline split and to watch my body be possessed, then to be buried deeper as you sang the magic that put you into my place.”

I was silent as I pondered that. “Linker is a spell to summon another into a person’s body.” I spoke quietly. “To use up everything and overwrite one personality and memories over another. Not that I remember much about being human anymore. I’m a wyrm now. Just a few body-memories left and my personality. My soul in place of yours. I died too, you know.”

“I was aware of that.” He sighed; “my sacrifice gave enough power for the change-over and giving the Lord of Shades time. I can feel through my bindings, that you gave them time, too and more. It’s almost healthy once more. Rest has been good for it, with prayer coming in once more, rather than buying increasingly less time. I asked for help from those prepared to give it.” He spoke softly to me. “To give all that I could to give them a chance.”

“You did. I’m doing my best with it.” I replied. “Why did you summon me here?”

“To finish my promise. To finish the sacrifice.” He spoke calmly as could be. “And to give you the King’s Brand, so that nothing of this land will ever be denied you.”

“Finish your promise?” I asked him, confused. What was left for him to do?

He shocked me by using my true name to address me. “Benuiyasra, I’ve given my life, my whole existence so that Hallownest might live, however that sacrifice might carry out. Originally, I was going to call to you until you slept-walked here, but you heard my first call and came here first. There’s things you need, things you need to learn that I can give you the beginnings of, but for the rest, it must come from the relationships you’ve fostered. You’ve defied fate already. You’ve changed what was to be. I couldn’t be prouder of the person my soul summoned. There’s nothing left for me to do in this world but ensure your place in it.” He reached out and touched my hands.

He felt so tired, so depressed the same way I did back then. Before Hallownest-but he was happy, too. He could finally rest-in me. I felt his mind fade into nothing, but the remnants of his power didn’t; they flowed into me and completed a puzzle I hadn’t known I’d been holding onto. I went from feeling like a conduit of power to feeling like a pillar.

The pillar, in fact.

“Enter Ar Vinai Dia, rename user to benuiyasra…” I sang out. “Sudo chmod plus-x 111111111 - Opening all possible permissions, assuming administrative rank: Pale King. Initialize recovery mode 0x000001…

“Recovered accounts available: hierophant_umbra, dawn_radiance, blackwyrm.” I replied to myself. “Rename account hierophant_umbra to Dia_oz_Sphilar. Port forward, 1.1.1.1 and deliver to user Gyenel Vonni. Destroy account blackwyrm. Restore account dawn_radiance as guest account.” I felt the magic sing in my hands, the strings of reality at my whims-but I knew that I had to take care.

A lot of people could get hurt if I did this wrong, after all.

“Display current administrator accounts.” I requested of the magic.

“Accounts Ar Vinai Dia, Ar Vinan Waltonelico of group Fauri Tatakaria. Ar Plina Revm and Gyenel Vonni.” Came the reply.

“Display current user groups.” I requested once more.

“Fauri Tatakaria, Diasee Fauri, Diasee Viuy, Pauwee Revmi and Gyenel Sphilar Siance.” All were about what I expected, save one. I guessed that Diasee Fauri were those who drew on the power of me and Root like Lurien, with Pauwee Revmi being moths and Mosskin who drew on dreams and Gyenel Sphilar Siance being the mages of the Soul Sanctum. Viuy meant shadowed, so shadowed children of god-ah, right. The Ancient Caste, the people who’d worshiped the void. That or Deepnest, that would explain it.

I sighed and closed the connection. Any more digging that I could do, I could do from a much safer environ. I put my hand on the cracked egg. “Rest in peace, old wyrm. I’ll be sure to care for your people the way a proper king or queen should.” I whispered. “I’ll not forget you.”

I went from there and rejoined the knights. Isma smiled as I approached. “Wow, you glow brightly, your majesty! Brighter than since the sickness, I’d say.” She mused.

“It was a gift, from my past life.” I rumbled, very truthfully. “Coming here was the best thing to do. Let’s get back to the city and head for the Queen’s Garden.” I commanded. “There’s nothing left here, only a danger of collapse. None should come here again. It remains forbidden holy ground.”

Sorry, not sorry wyrm. I can’t have someone else following my footsteps until our children are of age.

Descent for most of us was simpler than the ascent. Those who couldn’t fly clung to those who could. Hegemol was still very spry in the armor, but I used magic to help him along, as he was far too heavy for anyone to carry normally. Living stands of ivy bore Ogrim aloft, who stared adoringly at Isma, who used various huge leaf constructs to float down. “Your highness, did you know that Monomon was actually very helpful for talking to Unn?” She called out to me.

“No, I did not.” I kept a very tight hold of the children as we glided down. “How’d she do that?”

“By halting the spread of the mists.” She called out with a laugh. “And creating a new kind of fertilizer. Very useful to mosskin and myself.”

Useful indeed! We passed by a few bees, who bowed respectfully, a few who cooed and offered a few drops of honey to the very enthusiastic response of the children once they tasted the sweet treat. Gem cooed at the candy and Inai kept licking at their own candy, focused on the droplet, then licking their hands.

I used a little cloth to clean their hands as we came to the City of Tears, coming up into the mist. Inai was the one who fussed in the rain at getting damp as we headed to the Stag Station, making little growls and swiping irritably at the rain, blinking dark eyes at the people who surrounded us and cheered at seeing the two little princelings. "They're our people, little ones." I whispered to them. "They're happy you were born."

They both meeped uncomprehendingly at me, but talking to little ones was important for both emotional and intellectual development even before they were able to chatter back. I spoke normally, not with the high sing-song that people back home often used with their children; I had known a child who’d gotten that as an accent and a lisp because people indulged too much in that nonsense. It wasn’t funny anymore when you were eight years old and people bullied you for it. I’d long decided that I’d not put any child through that.

We arrived to the stag station and I handed Gem to Isma for easier and more secure travel and we found our way to the Queen’s Garden. The garden was far more tame than the partial collapse of the lost future. It smelled strongly of herbs and flowers, though all but Isma and myself lacked appreciation for it. We found the way to where the Queen had taken shelter, where Dryya guarded her lady queen. She had Root’s hand in her, talking to the still figure. I tried not to listen in, it was prayers to my ex-wife, not me.

“Captain Dryya.” I called softly, once she finished her gentle talking to the goddess.

She stood at attention, thumping a hand over her chest and kneeling. “Your grace.” She spoke quietly.

“Please rise and be at ease.” I commanded her. “I wish to discuss with you your future this day.” I clarified my purpose with her.

She has been here for literally months, going with the queen to serve as honor guard. She has good reason to do so and it truly was a very great honor-but it was an abnegation of her duty as captain of the knights. She hadn’t done it with the purpose to neglect her duties, but intentions or no, she’d still done so. I set the children on Root’s lap. “This is your mother.” I spoke softly. “Your other parent. She gave so much for you.” I said softly. “She’ll be thrilled to meet you when she recovers.”

What is death for those like me but another transformation, after all? I had no idea, I could only hope that she was merely resting. Hope was the only thing I had for her now. That she’d wake, or be reborn in much the same way I had. I touched her body and felt a slow, low-grade noise. That was… promising. It wasn’t what I’d been hoping for, it was less than what people did when deep asleep, but it wasn’t the nothing I’d expect of a corpse.

I turned from my curious children as they started to babble at the White Lady and faced Dryya. “Dame Dryya, Captain of the Great Knights. Your deeds precede you and your reputation does honor to your name and Ours.” This situation called for the Royal We, even if the prior situation had not. “Yet, it cannot be ignored that your current duty as honor guard of the White Lady, Queen of the Kingdom has left you unable to attend to other duties. You’ve done well, guarding over your mistress during her seclusion and the laying of her egg-but at the same time, you’ve left your duty as captain lay fallow. We must ask you to make a choice: to attend the White Lady, or to attend the kingdom as a Great Knight. We shall rest here overnight and give you the night to search your soul for the answer to this conundrum.”

It wasn’t a choice I liked to give her, but I needed to give her the choice. I needed to give her at least that much respect. She looked down at my feet, face wan and her antennae drooping. “I understand, your highness. Thank you for your grace.” She spoke, sounding tired and strained.

It’s not your fault, captain. I felt compassion to her. “You seem to have flagging health. Would you consent to Us using magic to restore your strength?”

She bowed her head. “I would, if you’re willing to show me such kindness.”

I stretched my hand out and began to sing the song given to me out of that very sympathy.

Was zweie ra mea elle yor stel zash sos yor
Mean ess falfa manafeeze an
Mean oz infel hymme na endia
Mean yeal ess enclone houd
Enw exec zash mea yetere zash yor

Rrha ki ga mea geeow na nha viega nor gat linen
Sos ciel, mea nafan linen manac oz hymme sarla
Mea sphilar aulla ag mea sarla clyncye
Forgandal mea cyuie, mea tasyue mea hymmnos
Mean nooge ag ne revm yanje

The tiredness faded from her, as well as the dullness of her carapace; she really must not have been taking care of yourself. “I understand your feelings, Dryya. I am so sorry I didn’t check in with you more or in closer detail. She wouldn’t want you wrecking yourself to stay with her. Think about what you truly want. Think. Rest. Reflect on this past year. I am willing to let you go, if that’s what you truly desire.” I told her softly, touching her hands.

She was completely astonished, awed by me simply making no fuss about healing her and gently scolding her like a father. I purred, pleased at her affection and let her stay there. “Let’s set up camp. Then we’ll head back in the morning. It should be safe here.” I ordered them.

So we did. A little fire was started and rations were heated up, stories shared around as the babies stared, entranced by the flame, yet hiding their faces when it spat sparks and crackled. They eventually needed feeding, changing and sleep, so I tucked them into blankets like burritos, not wanting them to get out to wander off in the middle of the night-not that would be a worry, I set up a gentle shield around the area so the little ones could explore, but not escape.

I hope I don’t somehow get a speed-running spirit in Gem.

The morning dawned and breakfast was prepped. Dryya looked settled on what she’d do; I knew what I had to do once she gave her answer. I knew what it probably was, though not for certain; I was an empath, not a psychic after all. This choice I had given her, that was the right thing to do, I knew that deep down. I waited for Dryya to get the courage up to make her choice.

“I’ll abjure my role as captain. I wish to remain by the queen.” She spoke, hanging her head low.

“There’s no need for that, that was actually exactly what We was hoping to hear. We, the crown of Hallownest hereby appoint you the hierophant of the White Lady. You will get money and hands needed to build a temple, as well as royal approval in your mission to establish a proper royal cult for the Queen.” I told her softly. “Take care of her, would you? That’s a request, not an order.” I spoke more informally.

Tears came out of her eyes. “So you’re saying there’s hope?”

A narrow, thin threat that could snap or come to nothing. “Some hope.” I confirmed.

“Thank you.” She spoke, her voice thick with emotion, kneeling deeply before me.

There’s a saying that the first king was a lucky soldier. I was just a lucky witch. “She’s in your hands, now. The captaincy will pass to Hegemol.”

She nodded. “He’s a fine choice, I’m glad to see his faith and ingenuity rewarded so richly.”

Hegemol really was the only choice; Ogrim was too new, Isma too scatterbrained when it came to planning, Ze’mer was a foreigner and therefore (unfairly) unacceptable in the eyes of the public. Hegemol was an experienced knight, well-loved by the people, intelligent and patient as well as very competent.

Hegemol was trying to say something. “You could have warned me, your majesty!”

“Many apologies, I wanted to hear Dryya’s choice before I made the appointment. Welcome to the headache called leadership. I’m sure you’re very honored.” I spoke wryly as he visibly twitched.

Ogrim laughed joyously. “Congratulations, Captain Hegemol!”

The tiny bug inside groaned audibly. “Please don’t remind me…” He pleaded.

Sorry, menderbug; but politics will put you under a spotlight despite your people’s aversion to it, I thought. “In any case, you still have an unofficial fifth, Lurien rather is like a mind knight, isn’t he?” I mused.

Isma cackled laughter. “Oh, I have so much to use for teasing now.”

It was time to head home, after the night out; there was a war to conclude.

There were no winners, too many dead already to call it as such. Little did I know, my action would embolden her to confront me sooner than I’d hoped for.

Chapter Text

It was sunny outside; that should have been the first sign something was wrong but I was oblivious. I stretched out and purred, sunning myself happily. “It really has been so long since it felt this nice.” I commented happily.

“Zeethoshen?” A woman who looked like me, but whose voice was softer, quieter called to me.

“The weather’s rather nice. It feels like it’s been cloudy for months. Spring needs to come already.” I spoke happily. “Better if summer comes sooner. Things can grow and play under the light.”

She reached out and grabbed my head roughly, turning my head to and fro. “You don’t hate or fear me?” She asked, eyes narrowing.

“Oh, no. Why would I hate a cute girl like you? You haven’t hurt me.” I laughed a bit. “You make me want to sing to you.”

She shifted shape into something soft, fluffy and squeaked when I glommed to her and started rubbing my face into her fluff. “Sorry. You’re soft. You’re a moth! Are you one of the gyenel revm? The dream-shapers? I’ve been looking for you, so I can learn! You have a mother shaper, you know. She loves you very much. She’s called The Radiance. Ar Sar Dia. Would it be too impudent to call her Sarra?” I spoke cheerfully. “I want to be her friend!”

She studied me and carefully started rubbing my back. “...you’re not him. You aren’t the pale wyrm who destroyed my body.” Angry tears ran down her face. “He’s gone, isn’t he?”

“Yes. He passed away almost a year ago. It’s sad, but needful. Are you Ar Keenis?” I asked, feeling relaxed as I asked curiously.

She smiled sadly, before her eyes hardened and she reached out to my chest. She grew frustrated as her hands shined there. “Why isn’t this working?”

“I’m not sure. Either I’m very content or there’s something that I want that your revenge can’t give me.” I tilted my head in confusion. “Or it might be the void taint.”

“Ugh, void taint! Disgusting!” She pushed me and I woke up with a start.

Fuck.

I sat in meditation before bed these days, as well as in the morning when I woke up. I then attended to the children until lunch, holding court or attending to the governance in the afternoon. I settled into a routine, bonding with all three of the children. Hornet liked to hide, in many ways; she liked to hide at the bottom of purring cuddle piles, liked to sneak away, especially getting up to high places so she could watch, stalk and then: pounce! Gem wasn’t as amused as Inai at the surprises, causing the two to tussle and play-fight, growling.

Inai was much calmer and liked to cuddle, but was in no way less scrappy than their siblings. They gave as good as their wilder siblings. Is this how you tricked the old wyrm? Being so calm that they mistook your manner as hollowness? I pondered and smiled as they pounced Gem for their troubles, double-teaming with Hornet. Once they got Gem down, they started grooming each other as they caught their breaths. I stroked their heads, calming them down.

Today would be different. I bowed to the nannies, who were still quite nervous about caring for the children, especially as Hornet seemed to dislike them. Inai was a limp noodle in one of their arms, while Gem chattered at their own nanny. Just one for three magical children just seemed like a cruel thing to do. As much as I’d love to stay with them all the time until they were grown, but I couldn’t, not if I wanted to make sure they’d have a world to grow up in, not the discarded shell of a world. They deserved better than that, they deserved better than that from me.

I couldn’t stay, I had a world to protect-I just had a big problem to tackle once I came out. Isma was waiting, bounding on basically the balls of her feet excitedly. “Ready, your majesty?” She asked cheerfully.

“Very.”

We went to the Greenpath, not really talking. She was on alert for the journey to the Crossroads, then as we entered the area. We didn’t stop, nor rest anywhere. While I’d made a good start at a relationship with Granny, that didn’t necessarily mean that I’d earned the trust of the mosskin; the opposite, I was in my guise as the Pale King, not the Stranger this time around. They were still bitter at the annexation of land for the Pilgrim’s Path and Queen’s Garden, after all. They kept the agreement we had, because it benefited them with trade and not being forced to pay taxes, while still being able to enforce their own laws in their own lands.

The fact that they hadn’t actually expanded into the territory that had been annexed for the queen, nor the fact that Unn herself had offered it to be closer to the Root didn’t matter. For some reason, though, they actually liked Monomon. She kept the encroaching oomas and their explosions from getting into their lands; that probably had something to do with it, as well as the fact that she prayed to Unn, for inspiration in her research and experimentation.

She prayed to me about it over the time I’d gone into seclusion to protect the eggs; I had allowed it, complimented her for her cleverness. After all-what is a dream, but ideas replayed and your hopes and ambitions for the future?

To my surprise, they watched with less hostility than I expected, with a handful with the idols I’d ordered be made and distributed hanging off their bodies, some barely visible through the green fluff.

It was a lengthy hike to get to Unn’s temple, where the idol stood, freshly cleaned and fairly gleaming, even glowing under the tender care of the priests who were cleaning and working around the small temple. A few prayed diligently before the idol and I joined them. I offered up some of my energy and a little green shade manifested out of the idol, looking rather like a strangely humanoid mosscreep, with the moss hiding the body, with green-glowing eyes that were creased with happiness and enjoyment. This of course, inspired a lot of shouting and muttering about miracles and joy at seeing a manifestation of their goddess.

“Hi, Granny!” I spoke very cheerfully to her avatar.

She giggled, sounding far more lively than she had before. “Oh, Benui! It’s so good to see you back. You simply must visit more often! And for shame, you’re here on business.”

“The whole god-king business, conflict with another god and being a new parent does tend to make one rather busy.” I commented a little acidly. “Once this is all over, I’ll take regular breaks to visit my favorite granny.”

She laughed, even as several priests looked either very exasperated or scandalized. It’s not everyday another god calls yours granny, after all. “Oh, child of twilight, your kindness does me honor. Come, follow. You need only fly to get to where I need you to be.”

I didn’t waste time with questions, following her bright shade into her small grotto. I settled in as she rose her enormous body from the gloop, liquid running slowly over her soft body. I let her get on with it, sitting politely, tail curled around me. “You look better.” I commented.

And she did. She wasn’t as deeply wrinkled, her green looked a much healthier shade and her movements were smoother. “Your actions have given this old lady a new lease on life.” She spoke, sounding very delighted; her body language was alien enough that I couldn’t really tell from that.

“I’m glad to hear that. I think you deserve better than the fate I foresaw for you in the future I became a monster.” I told her quietly.

“Benui, you’re too gentle to become a monster now. I can feel your spirit in your prayer, whatever you were before, you’re a born priest now. I can feel your faith in the divine in general. But something’s very different now than before. The power’s just flowing out of you, instead of feeling faint.” She sounded a bit bittersweet, a little happy for my increased power, but a little sad.

“I don’t wholly understand what’s happened to me since I woke up in the abyss, but I’m trying my best.” I commented honestly. “I found my true name, by the way. I trust you enough to share it. If you like.”

She made a strange hiccup sound. “Don’t. Please don’t. I don’t think that we’d really work as a couple.”

Huh? What? Wait a sec. I worked through my confusion. “...oh, I’m not uh. Giving a marriage proposal, just giving a hint. To show my trust and affection for you, granny. As a neighbor and beloved friend, not a um… romantic partner. I have two in mind for that and you aren’t either of them.” I commented, feeling incredibly embarrassed.

She laughed at my discomfort, though it wasn’t a cruel laugh. “Oh, Benui. I would never want power over you. But if you’re comfortable giving even a hint, I’ll accept it.”

I purred at her acceptance. “You’ve already said it today, though its meaning, not the sounds that carry the meaning that equate to my name.” I informed her. “A gentle twilight, or the kindly evening.”

Bengnuih yasra, or Benuiyasra, in its shortened form; no wonder Benui sounded right!

A gift, but one that made deep sense for me to carry. “Ah, so the old Wyrm truly is gone. I won’t mourn him, but I will honor his memory later in my own way. Stranger, my dear friend Benui, what brings you here with such purpose?”

“I need to ask you something cruel and to teach me how to lucid dream. I don’t know how, I never found the knack for it in either life. I’ve been meditating, but that’s not enough to lucid dream.” I admitted to her.

“Ah, I think I know what the cruel thing is; I don’t think it’s cruel, just sad that you think so little of yourself.” She sounded sad there. “The kiss of the void is on you, you have at least some advantage against her taint.”

Oh. Also, that’s romantic as hell terminology for being void-touched. “You know about the void?”

Oh fucking hell, old Wyrm. Why didn’t you ask for help? There’s so much heartache that could have been avoided! I felt frustration for my prior incarnation, but tamped it down. “Yes, young god. But you have a much better source you can go to.” She gently rebuked my question.

“Such is life.” I shrugged. “Can you teach me lucid dreaming?”

She hummed. “You have to be self-aware. You are, but you’re new to it. It’ll take time. The first step is learning how to be aware within the dream that you’re dreaming. The hard part is not immediately waking up. It’s your mind, first and foremost. You should have power there beyond all others. But it’s difficult to get there.” She admitted.

This was actually good advice, as annoying as this was going to be to put into place. I sighed heavily. “Ah, that sadly does sound about right.”

I recalled the nightmare I’d had and shuddered. I was surprised to not see red, as a matter of fact. While it had been peaceful in the moment, knowing that the Radiance was able to peek into my dreams disturbed me more than I can really put into words. It meant I was not immune to the infection as I had hoped, I really didn’t want to fail my friends like that.

“Can you tell me about your children?” Unn sounded quite excited to hear about them, so I began to gush.

“The twin’s egg name is Gemini. They’ll get their full names once they’ve survived six months. Gem is a valiant little one, chattery and with a little bit of a temper. They tried to hiss at Herrah the Beast, which is very brave, as she is far bigger than even me and a little foolish. Inai is playful, but much calmer. They have such a peaceful demeanor, that I was initially worried there was something wrong, but they’re just as chatty and energetic, just in different ways. More like me.” I spoke softly. “The little gendered child has more of a temper. Bitey and easily frustrated as a little one, but she giggles so much more than her siblings. I think once she grows up, she’ll be a joyous young lady.”

“You think, or you know?” Unn prompted.

“Think. I haven’t tried looking into the future. I don’t know how, but I haven’t tried. I… I just want to try my best.” I admitted truthfully.

The sprite she summoned managed to touch my back, rubbing it in lieu of the hands Unn didn’t have. “You’re wise to do so. Living in the moment with an eye on the future and remembering the past, that’s the best way to live, without getting lost in what’s not the present.”

I was suddenly glad indeed that I was spending time with granny and hugged the shade. “Thank you, Granny-so much. I wish I had better words, but thank you will have to do.”

We chattered into the day, before it was time for me to start heading home. Even if I didn’t get what I had hoped for, the visit was far from a waste indeed.

Chapter Text

I returned to the Ancient Basin, pulling on the simple cloak disguise to decompress at the local tavern by the tram stop. It seemed to do brisk business and I noticed Sheo still was quite miserable. "Hey, there. You look glum, what's got you nursing a mug here?" I asked him curiously.

He groaned as he took a sip. "I do everything my teacher tells me to. I do it gracefully, but I can't help but feel empty when I do. Especially when my teacher tears into one of my brothers." He shook his head. "I started painting, learning from an important person in the City of Tears... and it's incredible. I'm bad at it!" He laughed, sounding happy. "I'm learning so much and I'm wobbling, but it's fun!"

I listen to him. "So, it sounds like what you're learning from one teacher is boring and stressful and the painting is exciting and new to you. There's nothing wrong with that. Have you thought about adding one to the other?" I ask innocently. "Like trying movements from one school to the other. And the other way 'round!" I find my brain translating vice versa automatically.

He made a hum, running a hand absently over his horns. "You know, I could do that. I think it could be... fun." He sounded happier. "Haven't I seen you before?"

"Yup!" I chirped; "we met when you met Lurien!"

"Ah, that would do it. Hmmm... mixing up nail arts and paint. Could be interesting. You're a smart beetle. Well. I better get home and sober up." He waved as he handed geo to the bartender.

I raised my mug to Sheo. "Here's to the Paintmaster."

He smiled, walking out much happier than he left. I had a feeling he'd be leaving Sly's dojo soon, so to speak. It was too bad, but Sly had some crap to work out instead of taking out his problems on his students. I finished my drink, returning to my home through the backway, removing my disguise and sending Root a quick prayer before heading inside to hug my kids. I startled when I saw Herrah's mask split open like a Devout or Midwife. I squeaked at the sight of her grooming the children with her fangs, with all three of them tolerating it to different extents. The Gendered Child was chittering happily, Gem was a floppy thing in her hand and Inai was trying their level best to wiggle out of their 'bath.' "I am going to have ah, interesting dreams tonight." I comment dryly.

She laughed at my comment. "I hope so, pale wyrm! So, your people pulled completely out of Deepnest lands." She sounded smug. "But there's something else you can do for me, you know."

I knew exactly what she was going to ask for. "Fuck no, I am not crazy enough to cancel that treaty with the mantises, not just because it's too soon after they lost their brother, but because there's creatures in your domain that if they get into Hallownest, they will kill lots and lots of people before my knights can put them down. So not only no, VOID no!" I yelped. "Sorry, not sorry."

She studied me, staring me down for a solid few minutes, grooming the children. "...understandable." She finally said, grinning. "Can you blame me for trying?"

Yes. Yes, I can blame her. I threw up my hands. "You are the absolute worst, Beast!" I yell at her. "Out of curiosity, does Deepnest have polygamy legal?"

She laughed. "If you can fight to keep your harem, it's legal enough, I suppose. One or more consenting people of age. We're not so legalistic or soft as Hallownest. You keep what you kill. I've killed a lot of people to stay where I am." She spoke evenly. "There's more laws than there used to be. I wanted to put certain practices to rest. So many poisonings... so many." She shuddered.

I laughed, how like the Borgias! "Yes, that would be a rather big problem. You don't have to be strong if you can just let your rivals drop dead." I groused. "I'm so damn put out that it isn't an option for Soul Master Onei. Do you know how many whining reports a week I have to read of his? Five! Five almost exactly alike reports, three thousand words long of whining, followed by his many, boring honorary titles! I don't think they even officially exist! And Onei isn't even his original name!"

She snorted. "You want to poison one of your nobles for being an annoying whiner?" She snorted. "He can't possibly be that bad."

"HE IS!" I handed her a random report. "Read it and weep at the insipid prose."

She read through the parchment, growing more and more incredulous. "So, what's this bastard's original name?"

"Beedle." I commented flatly.

She lifted her eyes to stare at me, looked down at the report, threw it down in disgust and laughed. "Beedle the Beetle?"

"Technically, he's a roach. It's why he has the little cat ears." I comment. Somehow, cat translated to her.

She looked confused for a moment, letting the phrase percolate before roaring in laughter. She set down the children, who proceeded to mob me and knock me over with hugs. She keeps laughing five minutes straight, hysterical at how stupid the whole thing with the Soul Master is.

Ah, life.

After that bit of hilarity, I start taking lots of naps, praying to my ex-wife as I work, updating her on the children's progress, how sorry I was, how awesome she was at being queen and how I would give many things to have her back alive. I ruled in the morning, trained everything I could in the afternoon, just in case. Whatever disgust I had towards Root died with her.

I began crafting a song, hoping it'll be useful. Hoping I won't have to use Chronicle Key to keep her sealed in a powerless sleep. It just seems like it would just be borrowing trouble and putting off the inevitable for a future generation and I didn't want to do that, at all.

It took two bloody months for me to finally accomplish consistent lucid dreams. Two. Months. It felt like a year! It was almost time to give the children their real names, not just their silly egg names!

I hugged my children and I got ready for my journey to the Moth Tribe once more, ready to sing and try one more time to reach the one who sings exec_replekia.

It was time for me to be the evening moon who brings peaceful sleep.

Chapter Text

Sometimes I missed the sun. Humans needed the sun, playing and worshipping the sun, bathing in its light. In the time I'd been here, the only times I had seen the sun had been in the vision of The Radiance. I didn't need it, as I was my own light source, but I missed the hazy warmth of summer and the cold shine that reflected off the snows of Minnesota winter. I'd died in the fall, when the sun could not warm the earth, when the snow could not reflect her glory. I had chosen that end. I will not willingly choose another.

The life I'd had, it was empty, but I understand the gravity of the choice, the decision that had brought me here. I sat with my children, writing first in English, then in the sacred language.

I had chosen to call her Sarra, little sun in honour of faura, the little bird Myuul or Mir saw herself as from the beginning. Ar Keenis, the Radiance was closer to death than any but the Lord of Shades had ever experienced. Perhaps Grimm could relate, with his 'burn the father, feed the child' schtick? Does he see into the nightmares of seeing everything wither away? I am not like the void-touched vessels. I dream, I have nightmares, I can wake up screaming or crying.

I have, however, mastered the art of lucid dreaming to steer my dreams the way I want to over the past several weeks. I used it to remind myself of the music I had missed, of all the classical, the pop, the metal, the oddball stuff and the songs I learned in choir. One day, I awoke singing, to find my children singing with me happily. I embraced them and I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. I couldn't let my children wake up with eyes alight.

I couldn't let this go on; I had to stop her one way or another.

I gathered my armour, of a sort. I put on a blue robe, that looked worn. I summoned my silver spear, my knights, my Dreamers, my courage and readied the song that I have been forging just for her.

exec_SYMPHONIA.

The first song I had truly forged. I was quite proud of it, I just hoped I got to use it and not Chronicle Key. I came to the moth village loaded for the hardest fight of either of my lives, terrifying the gentle dreamweavers that live there. "Moths, know that We have not come to slay your people or harm you. We have come to call on your creator. Gentle seer, we have no more time. Step forward, as the one who still remembers the gentle sun." I called to them sternly, but with a gentle softness.

She stepped forward, young and still looking like a sweet lady in a sweater dress. "Ar Sarr Dia, rrha ki ra tie yor ini en nha! Wee ki ra parge yor ar ciel! Was yea ra chs mea yor en fwal, ma ki ga ks maya yor sec!" I sang. (Restraining you, I'll initialize your summoning to this world. I'll detatch you from your world, don the wings I transform into-fear not as I cast magic over your abyss)

The moment I was pulled into dreaming and saw her, I sang exec_WAATH to calm her, weaving the image of the moth village and its survivors around us.

Was zweie ra mea elle yor stel zash sos yor
Mean ess falfa manafeeze an
Mean oz infel hymme na endia
Mean yeal ess enclone houd
Enw exec zash mea yetere zash yor

Rrha ki ga nea geeow na nha viega nor gat linen
Sos ciel, mea nafan linen manac oz hymm sarla
Mea sphilar aulla ag mea sarla clyncye
Forgandal mea cyuie, mea tasyue mea hymnos
Mean nooge ag ne revm janje

When the song ended, her demeanour calmed. She settled into a more mortal frame, standing on the ground, wings at rest. "Pale wyrm, why have you come here-is... is that-" She started angry, but then she looked around and saw her children. "The moth tribe still lives. They remember me... you allowed this?" She spoke, taken aback.

"I am not Zeethoshen, Zeethoshen is dead. Your enemy's wife lays the next thing to dead, unable to even be aware. Your ancient enemy lays near death in its pit. He sacrificed himself to save this kingdom, instead of placing you in a coffin made of void. That was to be your fate. I have come here ready to fight you but I dearly, dearly do not wish to! I want you to live, Sarra!" I spoke calmly at first, but got more and more impassioned and desperate. "If you are the sun, I am the moon, I can't do this alone. I can't be the only light. I beg you, look at what your anger has done. They aren't dead, but this is all of the children of dreams."

She did look, she saw them, how few children there were, how many were nearly hopeless, who had been cut off from dreams or who'd lost themselves in empty dreams. She didn't care about the people of mine that she'd killed. I had to be okay with that.

She looked at me. "What do you want, then Stranger?"

I took a deep breath. "I will offer you the cup of my heart. For the first time, I will share with you the cup of my heart and share everything. This land. The people. The chance to no longer be a curse, but a person. We've both lost children. I want to heal your many, many wounds and stop this conflict at long last."

I hold out my hand to her. "Please, Ar Keenis. Ar Sarr Dia. Sarra." I called the names both true and sweet.

And with her wingtip touching that hand, the world changed, causing a rumble through the entire country that all beings felt. The terrible fates that once awaited us both was overturned at last.

"Was yea ra knawa yorr hartes ar ciel." I know full well how much you love this world. "I've crafted a song in my heart, for you. For this. But we need to talk about how the future will look once you are reborn into the world you've hurt so much, as much as you were hurt. There cannot be no consequences for that. You're forgiven, but the wrongs cannot be forgotten."

She looked up at the distant, scoured sky. "No. For better or worse. I could do it again. Why trust me?"

"Because I too committed an unforgivable sin. Because I accepted the price of kingship. Because even you deserve a second chance. Because I have a lumafly's chance in the abyss to beat you. Many reasons." I responded honestly. "I've only been a god just over a year. I don't know what I'm doing. You've been here a long time, you've made mistakes but you know how to do all of it. If we keep fighting, this land will die. I've foreseen it."

She walked around, touching each of the villagers, her wingtips barely disturbing the images. How long had she been so perfectly isolated, I wondered?

Sarra looked to me. "You forged a song for me, your enemy."

I smiled. "Yes, Sarra. For you, who has been through a very, very long night. It's time for the glitter of dawn to come at last."

She screamed into the sky, a sound full of profound rage, grief, loss and disappointment. She began to sob, screaming out every hurt. She bent over and light destroyed every bit of the dream's surroundings-yet not a single attack touched me. She pounded the ground, roared and screamed her rage into the dream impotently. I took step by slow step and I touched her.

"Little star, do you see my face? Although you should be in my position, I see you, a woman trembling with her many wounds. But that means that you weren't like this in the past. Although everything might be forgiven, that doesn't mean it's forgotten, as there might be many more painful experiences coming in the future. I'm here, with the cup of my heart. Because you once loved this world so, so very much." I spoke to her with great empathy.

"Love this world? I loved this world?" She gasped out, looking up with golden tears.

I embrace her. "Yes, Sarra. You can be loved again."

And it was true.