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Chapter Text

“You don’t know that,” Hermione says as she opens the door in front of her. Harry shakes his head as he takes hold of the door and Hermione walks quickly through the small hallway between the carriages. Ron and Neville follow her before Harry rushes after them.

“No, I don’t,” Neville says. His hands sign along with his words out of habit. “But that doesn’t change the fact that the little rat escaped Azkaban. The place is supposed to be the best we have, and still, Pettigrew got out.”

Harry pats Neville on his back and pushes him forward, urging him to move on. “They’ll have him back in custody before you know it. You heard dad, the entire Auror department has been put on the case.” And even if that was a lie, James will make sure it’s one of the department’s top priorities. Harry hasn’t missed the fights James had with Lily when they thought Harry, Neville and Iris were asleep. Mum is scared that James will do something stupid if it comes to Pettigrew. Or that Harry and Neville will go after the man alone if they knew the whole truth. Harry wonders what this truth is. He already knows that it was Pettigrew who gave away Neville’s parents’ location to Voldemort, and that he was the one casting the curse that permanently damaged Sirius’ hearing. What else is there to know? And what could be worse than all that?

“Yes, even my father is involved with the search,” Ron says. “Not standard work for the head of the Department of Charmed Muggle Artefacts.”

Harry smiles at him. He can always count on Ron to help in situations like this. It’s bad enough that everyone is staring at Neville again, as if he somehow is involved with Pettigrew’s escape from Azkaban. Don’t they understand that Neville would be the last person that wants that man on the loose? If it hadn’t been for Pettigrew switching sides and giving away the Longbottom’s location, his parents might not have died.

Hermione shakes her head. “Your father is involved with everything at the Ministry, Ron,” she says. “He’s too curious for his own good. You’ve heard Shacklebolt at Harry’s and Neville’s birthday party. Your father always stops by at the Auror office to find out the latest news.”

Neville and Harry both laugh as Ron looks affronted. It’s not easy for Ron, Harry knows this. His best friend wants to have a father with an exciting job, just as Harry and Neville’s dad. It’s not his fault his father just loves Muggle artefacts more than he loves fighting criminals.

“You mean to say that my dad isn’t an asset to the Ministry?” Ron asks.

“You never heard me say that,” Hermione says as she looks into the last compartment of the carriage. She shakes her head and moves towards the next carriage. Harry wonders where Iris has gone. It’s her first time going and already she’s missing. Harry told her to stay close, now that Pettigrew is on the loose. They all know the man has it in for their family. And Harry will never forgive himself if his little sister gets hurt.

“What did she mean by that?” Ron asks.

“That she loves your dad and all his questions every time she comes to visit you,” Neville jokes. Harry has to hold in his laugh and hides his mouth behind his hand. He hasn’t forgotten the last letter he received from Hermione this summer holiday. Her worries about Pettigrew’s escape and then all the complaints about Mister Weasley and the million questions Hermione had to answer during her week at the Weasley household.

“I can’t help it that my dad won’t leave her alone,” Ron answers and then he’s gone to the next carriage. Neville and Harry follow him.

The hallway of this carriage isn’t empty. At the other end, Malfoy just steps out of one of the bathrooms. He looks at Harry and his friends without moving. Harry shakes his head and looks in the first compartment. His sister isn’t there either.

“Look, it’s silly Malfoy,” Neville says. “Do you think he will find us worthy of his words this year?”

“Probably not,” Ron says. “I’ve heard that he doesn’t ever say a word, not even in classes with only Slytherins.”

“Who cares about Malfoy,” Harry says as he steps around his friends to check the next compartment. Lavender and Parvati look up from their magazine and big smiles form on their faces.

“Shit,” Harry says. “It’s the girlish squad.” He quickly steps forward, in the hope Lavender and Parvati don’t decide to come out and join them.

“Oh, Harry, they will be so glad you smiled at them,” Hermione says in a mocking voice. “I will be hearing all about it tonight, how they will conquer your heart this year with their beautiful looks and perfect smiles. A Quidditch champion like you would be unable to resist them.”

Ron and Neville laugh. Harry shakes his head. “Small chance,” he says.

“Not a chance at all, I would guess,” Neville spurts out between his laughter. Harry and he lock eyes for a second, and Harry can’t help but smile at his brother. Of course, Neville already knows. It’s not as if Harry has ever been able to keep a secret from him.

Harry turns around to continue his track down the carriage to look for Iris. He only makes it two steps before a force hits him in the chest. Platinum blond hair and angry grey eyes are in front of Harry’s face. Malfoy’s fists slam against Harry’s chest, over and over. Harry tries to get a hold of Malfoy’s hands to stop the assault.

“What the bloody hell,” Harry shouts. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Malfoy doesn’t respond. He just repeatedly hits his fist against Harry’s chest. Tears fall from Malfoy’s eyes. It’s as if he’s desperate and Harry doesn’t understand. What did he do to upset Malfoy like this? He can’t still be angry that Harry helped their house-elf Dobby get his freedom. Or could he?

Neville manoeuvres around Harry and takes a hold of one of Malfoy’s arms. “Get off him, you idiot,” he says. Malfoy doesn’t seem to hear him. He just pulls his arm free and slams his fist at Harry’s chest.

“The mute has lost it,” Ron jokes behind Harry.

Harry shakes his head. Something is wrong here. He’s seen this before, a long time ago, when he was still little. Uncle Sirius standing in front of Uncle Remus, slamming into him because he didn’t know how else to communicate his frustration. Back when Uncle Sirius was still struggling with the fact he would never hear again.

“Don’t talk about him like that,” Hermione says.

“Why not?” Ron asks. “He never speaks. That makes him a mute, doesn’t it?”

Harry gets a hold of Malfoy’s arms and keeps them in front of his chest. He looks Malfoy in the eyes. “It’s okay,” he says.

“Fuck, Harry. Of course, it’s not okay for Ron to call him a mute,” Hermione says.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Harry answers. “Now go and run back to our bags and get me some parchment and a quill.”

“Why do you need parchment and a quill?” Ron asks.

Harry just shakes his head as he uses all his force to keep Malfoy’s first inches from his chest. Harry doesn’t feel like having to visit the hospital wing on his first night back. He can already envision the letter he will receive from his mother once she hears. ‘Can’t you be careful for one day? Do I always have to worry about you? Why can’t you be more like Neville?’ Not that Neville never gets in trouble. But Lily doesn’t see that. She only sees that Harry gets hurt saving his brother over and over again.

“You think he’s?” Neville asks from the side. Harry nods. Malfoy has to be. Harry doesn’t know why he never noticed before. There is a completely different reason why Malfoy never speaks. It’s not because the boy is a pure-blood git who thinks he’s better than everyone. He probably doesn’t have a clue what others have said and just doesn’t know what to answer. If Harry is right, Malfoy can’t hear a single sound around him.

“Come along, Ron,” Hermione says behind Harry.

“What, why?” Ron asks. “Can’t you get the parchment by yourself?”

“Just come along,” Hermione says in that tone that forces you to comply. Ron sighs, but he turns to follow Hermione.

“Can you at least tell me what’s going on?” Harry can hear Ron say before the carriage door shuts behind them.

“I’ll go find Uncle Remus, he can help,” Neville says. He runs to the other side of the carriage and then he’s gone.

“Just you and me now,” Harry tells Malfoy. “Will you stop hitting me if I let you go?”

Malfoy stares at Harry’s mouth. His eyes are wide and Harry thinks that Malfoy truly doesn’t understand.

Harry lets go of Malfoy and Malfoy rests his fist on Harry’s chest again. Softer this time. It seems he’s given up. Malfoy shudders and large tears fall from his eyes. Harry doesn’t think and just wraps his arms around Malfoy’s body and pulls him against his chest.

“Just cry, it’s okay,” he says knowing Malfoy can’t hear him. He laughs softly. Uncle Remus once told Harry how he still talks to Sirius when Sirius can’t see his lips move, knowing Sirius can’t hear, but somehow hoping he knows he’s loved and cherished.

And maybe it works, because Malfoy doesn’t fight the arms wrapped around him. He just rests his head against Harry’s shoulder and cries. And that is fine for now. Harry can stand here as long as it takes for one of the others to return with help.

* * *

Harry doesn’t know how long it takes for Malfoy to calm down, and he doesn’t care either. He just holds Malfoy in his arms and lets him cry. It’s the least he can do for the boy now that Harry understands him a little better.

Malfoy moves away from Harry when his tears have died out. He wipes his hand over his eyes to get rid of the last moisture.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks. He signs along with his words.

Malfoy follows his hands and then shakes his head. Harry repeats the movements with his hands. Malfoy watches the movement and then drops his head. He takes a hold of his own hands and stares at them. Has he never learned to speak with them?

“Fuck,” Harry says. He carefully lifts Malfoy’s head so his eyes are back on Harry. “Do you understand?” Harry asks. He moves his hands slowly this time in the hope that will help Malfoy.

Malfoy reaches out and takes hold of Harry’s hands. He shakes his head and then let's go again.

Harry wants to ask Malfoy how he communicates with his family, but he doesn’t know how. Not if Malfoy doesn’t know sign language. Why didn’t he ever learn? Just getting by with lip reading is impossible. Uncle Sirius once told Harry how hard it is. That it takes a lot of practice and energy. And even then, he can only pick up half of the words. Is this why Malfoy is always on his own. Because he can’t communicate with others? He must be extremely lonely. Harry wouldn’t survive if he couldn’t be part of his social group. His friends are what makes school fun. And not just that. If it wasn’t for Hermione Harry wouldn’t be able to get proper grades. He will never be motivated enough.

“Bloody Merlin, Malfoy,” Harry says. “That you haven’t lost it until now is a miracle.” He again moves his hand along with his words and Malfoy watches them move. His grey eyes glitter a little. Harry wonders if it’s because of the tears that had fallen from them just now, or if it’s because Malfoy is fascinated with the way Harry tries to communicate with him.

Harry looks behind him. What is keeping Hermione and Ron? How difficult is it to get back to their trunks and get some parchment?

With a shock, the train stops. Harry turns his head just in time to see Malfoy fall towards him. Harry catches him and helps him back on his feet. “Are you okay?” he signs again, already shaking his head when he’s only halfway through the sentence. “I know, you don’t understand. Can you at least smile at me to let me know you’re okay?” Harry asks.

Malfoy doesn’t smile. He turns towards the window and shivers. The rain outside has intensified. The world has turned black. And is it just Harry, or is it getting cold in here? He breathes out and can see his own breath. Malfoy moves closer to Harry when the lights in the train go out.

“What’s going on?” Harry says. He notices that Malfoy shakes beside him and without thinking, Harry pulls him even closer and keeps his arm around his shoulders.

The door at the end of the carriage opens and something slides inside. A creature with a hood moves closer as the air around Harry seems to freeze. What is a Dementor doing on the train to Hogwarts? Do they think Pettigrew is on it? Will he be on his way to Hogwarts to try to avenge his master by finishing the job that killed Voldemort? Is Neville in danger? Neville is in one of the carriages from where the Dementor came. Maybe something might have already happened to him. And what about Uncle Remus? Neville was on his way to get him. Are they still alive? They are probably dead. And little Iris, still defenceless with her limited control over her magic. What if Pettigrew found her first? Will Harry be the only child returning to their parents tonight? It will destroy mum if something were to      happen to Iris. She was scared to let her go to Hogwarts with Pettigrew on the loose. James said there was nothing to worry about. Not with Dumbledore at Hogwarts and Uncle Remus as one of her teachers. But it wasn’t enough to keep them safe. Nobody is safe. Pettigrew will kill them all. Harry will be alone in this world.

Harry snaps out of his mind when Malfoy slips away from his arm. Harry turns to see Malfoy fall to the ground, his body limp and his eyes closed. Harry crouches down and lifts Malfoy’s face in his hands. He quickly checks if there are no wounds from Malfoy’s fall. “Don’t leave me,” Harry whispers. “Everyone else has already left me. I want to be your friend.” Harry doesn’t know where that comes from, but he knows it’s true. He wants to be Malfoy’s friend and help him.

The Dementor is right in front of them and Harry’s insides freeze. He shivers and looks up at the empty hole where the Dementor’s face should be. “We’ve done nothing wrong,” Harry says. A faint scream echoes in his head. His mother’s screams from long ago. The agony she went through when Bellatrix Lestrange tried to torture her to death after Voldemort had gone. Harry blinks away a tear. He hasn’t remembered that night in ages. The nightmares about it left him before he could properly remember. Only to return now, as if it happened yesterday.

“Stay away from us,” Harry begs as the Dementor lets his hand slide just above Draco’s head. Harry cries out as the screams in his head become louder by the second. He needs to concentrate. Get your wand out of your pocket, he orders himself. Only his hands shake and his fingers won’t cooperate. And his mother keeps screaming. Harry’s wand won’t come out of his back pocket. He can’t stop the Dementor.

Harry looks down at Malfoy. He looks kind of peaceful now that he’s passed out. Harry wishes he would just pass out. That it would all be over. He wants his mother’s screams to stop. He doesn’t want to live now that all his friends are dead. He will never be happy again. It would be better if it was done. If Harry would die today at least he won’t have to live the rest of his life alone.

The Dementor pulls his hood up a little and bends over Malfoy. “Please,” Harry whispers. “Please stop.” Deep down, Harry knows that something is wrong. He’s not alone. His friends aren’t dead. They can’t be. And his mother isn’t being tortured right now. She survived. It’s the Dementor who makes Harry feel this way. If only Harry could remember how to stop it.

The Dementor doesn’t pay any attention to Harry. And Harry can’t do anything to stop it. He can only watch as Malfoy’s face is lifted off his legs and held by the Dementor.

Just when all hope seems lost a bright wolf runs up to them. The Dementor raises and turns around. Harry looks and sees his Uncle Remus standing in the door of the carriage, his wand stretched out and a stern look on his face.

“None of us is hiding Pettigrew in their cloaks,” Remus says.

It’s enough for the Dementor to slide away. Some warmth sweeps back into Harry’s body and he lets out a deep breath. A bar of chocolate is pushed into his hand and Harry smiles up at his uncle.

“Are you okay?” Remus asks.

“I am now,” Harry answers. “Is Malfoy all right? Were you on time?”

Remus checks Malfoy and nods his head. “He’s still in one piece. Only unconscious at the moment. Let’s get him into an empty compartment.”

Harry nods and lets Remus lift Malfoy off his lap. He stands up and looks around. “Where is Neville?” he asks.

“He’s with Iris. They are both okay,” Remus says.

Harry sighs. “Thank Merlin,” he says.

“It was bad, was it?” Remus asks as they carry Malfoy into the first empty compartment they find.

“I remembered that night when Lestrange came to question my parents,” Harry tells Remus.

Remus doesn’t say anything. Harry knows Remus still feels guilty for not being there that night. Not that anyone ever blamed him. He was at St Mungo's to support his husband. It was a bad time. And Lily and James survived, Lestrange got caught and Harry wasn’t harmed. It could have been so much worse. Harry could have become an orphan just like Neville. But now that the Dementor is gone Harry can appreciate how amazing his life has been up to now. He’s a lucky boy and he will never forget it again.

* * *

Harry can’t take his eyes off Malfoy. He’s still unconscious. But his features aren’t as horrible as they were when the Dementor was close. Now his face is relaxed and he looks at peace.

“I’m sure he will wake up in a moment,” Remus says. “Is he one of your friends?”

Harry shakes his head. “I never paid him much attention,” he says. “Not until today, at least. I think he’s lonely.” Harry takes another bite of his chocolate bar. He knows Remus won’t let him be until the bar is finished.

“A Malfoy lonely? I would think he would be quite popular,” Remus says.

“He never talks. We thought it was a status thing. But I think…” Harry starts. He’s not sure how to explain it properly. “He doesn’t respond to sounds.”

“You think he’s deaf?” Remus asks.

“Yes, I think he is,” Harry says. “That’s why Neville came to get you. You can help him, can’t you?” Harry takes another look at the unconscious Malfoy. “He was upset when we ran into him. He attacked me and then just cried. I asked Hermione to get some parchment so he can explain what is wrong. I’m sure she will be back soon.”

Remus smiles at Harry and shuffles his hand through Harry’s hair.

“Stop it,” Harry complains with a smile on his face.

“Yes, sorry,” Remus says.

Harry shakes his head. “You’re going to forget half the time, aren’t you,” he says. “To act like our teacher and not our uncle.”

Remus sighs. “You know I will.”

“It’s okay,” Harry says. “Just try to keep it down. I do have a reputation to keep up. I don’t want others to think I’m soft.”

“Oh, no, we can’t have that. What if the truth comes out that you are a big softy?” Remus teases.

A beam of light shines into the compartment. Harry looks out the window. The rain has stopped and the sun is trying to fight its way out of the clouds. It’s so different from only minutes ago, when the Dementors had entered the train and almost killed Malfoy.

“Were they here for Pettigrew?” Harry asks.

“Yes, they were,” Remus says. This is what Harry loves about his uncles. They don’t sugarcoat things and just tell it how it is. Not like his parents, who still try to protect Harry and Neville from the dangers of this world.

“They shouldn’t have boarded the train,” Remus says. “I’ll have to inform Dumbledore about it once we arrive at Hogwarts. It’s already bad enough that the creatures will be protecting the grounds this year. I just wonder why they went after young Mister Malfoy.”

At that moment Malfoy stirs. He blinks with his eyes and then sits up a little straighter. He looks at Harry and then towards Remus. Harry smiles at him, in the hope Malfoy understands that everything is okay. Remus fishes another bar of chocolate from his pocket and hands it to Malfoy.

“Eat it, it will help,” he says.

Malfoy doesn’t respond. He looks at the chocolate and then up to Remus. Remus pushes the chocolate closer to Malfoy. Malfoy hesitates and then takes the bar. With care, he removes the wrapping, breaks off a single piece and eats it slowly.

“I think you’re right,” Remus says. “How are you feeling?” he signs.

Malfoy shakes his head and then breaks off another piece of chocolate.

“He doesn’t understand signs,” Harry informs Remus.

Remus’ face snaps towards Harry. His eyes are wide and dark. “What do you mean?” he asks.

Harry closes his eyes for a second. Of course, Remus will get upset about this. “He doesn’t speak BSL,” he says. “I’ve already tried that.”

“Has he only just turned deaf?” Remus asks.

“Don’t think so. He’s never said a word as long as I know him,” Harry says.

They both look back at Malfoy. He still eats the chocolate Remus had given him. He doesn’t look at them but just stares out of the window where the landscape is again speeding by. Malfoy seems calmer now. More like the boy he normally is. Quiet and unaware of the world around him.

“I’ll inform the teachers,” Remus says. “He must be struggling with his schoolwork if he can’t hear what is being said in class.”

“Thank you, Uncle Remus,” Harry says.

The compartment door opens and Neville steps in. “It’s Professor Lupin, now,” he says when he sits down next to Harry. “And yes, Iris is fine. She’s with her friends and doesn’t want us to bother her. Her exact words were ‘I don’t need you two to look out for me, so stop bothering me.’”

Remus laughs and Harry gives him an angry look. “It’s not funny. I thought she died,” Harry says.

“You thought she died?” Neville asks. “Why would you think that?”

“The Dementors attacked him and Malfoy,” Remus says.

Neville jumps up, startling Malfoy. “They attacked you?” he shouts.

“Calm down, Nev, I’m fine. We both are,” Harry says. He doesn’t want Malfoy to run away. For some reason, he wants to keep him close and make sure he’s truly fine.

“Shit, man. I can’t believe they attacked you,” Neville says as he sits back down. “You had some chocolate?”

“Yes, Remus pushed it into my hand the moment the Dementor left,” Harry says. “It’s fine now. I know it wasn’t real. That it was all in my head.”

“But why did they attack you?” Neville asks.

“Neville, you remember what James told you about the Dementors,” Remus says. Neville nods. They had a long talk with dad when it was clear the Dementors would be guarding Hogwarts until Pettigrew was captured. Harry thought it was a bit much, but he understands now. The Dementors are dangerous if they would attack an unconscious person just because he’s scared. Or feels guilty about something, as Remus said earlier.

“You can’t trust the Dementors,” Remus explains. “They have different standards than us. If they think you are guilty, they won’t hesitate to hurt you.”

“He’s right, Neville,” Harry says. “We have to be careful. You don’t realise how awful it feels when they are close. For a second, I thought it would be better if I was dead because life was just going to be horrible from now on. It still freaks me out that I could think that.” Harry shudders and Remus hands him another bar of chocolate.

“That’s just sick,” Neville says. “Remus, why are they letting those creatures on a train filled with teenagers?”

“I don’t know, Neville. They were not supposed to come aboard,” Remus says. He stands up, pulls a couple of more bars of chocolate from somewhere and hands them around. “Eat these,” he says. “I should go and check the train, see if any other students need assistance.”

Once Remus is gone, Neville turns on Harry. “And what about Malfoy?” he asks. “What the fuck is he up to that the Dementors attacked you.”

“Neville, Malfoy did nothing,” Harry says. “He was even more frightened than me,” Harry says. For some reason, he doesn’t say that Malfoy passed out.

“Don’t tell me it wasn’t him the Dementors were after,” Neville says. “He’s a Malfoy and a Slytherin.”

Harry smacks Neville on the back of his head. “Are you insane,” he says. “Just because he’s in Slytherin doesn’t make him evil incarnate.”

Malfoy watches them and shakes his head with a grin on his face. Somehow Harry knows that Malfoy thinks he and Neville are two idiots. He laughs and then relaxes in his seat.

“Fine, he’s not evil,” Neville says as he slumps next to Harry. “Still, I think it’s strange. I don’t trust him.”

Harry raises his eyebrows.

“Just because we figured out that he’s deaf, doesn’t mean we have to become his friend,” Neville says. Harry opens his mouth to respond but Neville is quicker. “Who am I kidding? You wouldn’t be Harry Potter if you would let this go.”

Neville and Harry smile at each other and then both take a large bite of their chocolate bars.

Moments later Hermione opens the compartment door. “I’ve got the parchment,” she says before she sits down next to Malfoy like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

“Where’s Ron?” Harry asks.

“Oh, he stayed with Luna and Ginny,” Hermione says. “A Dementor came to check our compartment and they were pretty freaked out.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Harry says. “Did you tell them to eat some chocolate?”

“Yes, I did,” Hermione says. She looks at Malfoy for a second and then places a piece of parchment on her lap. “Now, let’s get this show on the road,” she says. She grabs the quill that’s stuck behind her ear and starts to write on the parchment. Harry looks over and smiles as he reads the words.

‘Malfoy, you don’t have to tell us anything. But we would like to know why you are upset with us? We didn’t mean to upset you in any way, so by knowing, we will be able to make sure it doesn’t happen again,’ it says.

Hermione hands the note to Malfoy who reads it. Harry watches him as his eyes skim over the words over and over again. Malfoy blinks a couple of times and Harry thinks he’s fighting more tears. Malfoy drops the parchment and stands up. He doesn’t look at any of them as he practically runs out of the compartment. Harry moves to go after him, but both Neville and Hermione stop him.

“He’s upset, we can’t just let him go like that,” Harry says.

“Harry, he clearly wants to be alone,” Hermione says. “You can’t force him to talk.”

Harry looks at Neville for support, but Neville shakes his head. “I agree with Hermione about this,” he says. “We hardly know him. And he’s not our problem.”

“I hate both of you, just so you know,” Harry says as he sits back down. “We can’t just let him be. Not now that we know he’s deaf.”

“You won’t be helping him by making him hate you,” Hermione says. And Harry knows she’s right. That doesn’t mean Harry is just going to give up on being Malfoy’s friend. He’s going to help that boy to become less lonely. Even if it’s the last thing he does.

* * *

Hogwarts is the same as always. Other students greet Harry as he walks to the Gryffindor table and sits down with his friends. He looks over at the Slytherin table and spots Malfoy at the very end. Harry can only see his platinum blond hair as his back is turned to Harry. Some older students sit around Malfoy. They don’t pay Malfoy any attention. Harry wonders if this bothers Malfoy. It would bother Harry, to be ignored by everyone around him. If only Harry could see Malfoy’s face, then he could see if Malfoy is upset or not. He probably is, isn’t he? How could he not be?

Ron’s hand waves in front of Harry. “Earth to Harry,” he says.

Harry snaps out of his thoughts and focuses on the people around him. “Sorry, what did you say?” he asks.

Ron laughs as he pats Harry on his back. Neville shakes his head and grins. Only Hermione looks behind her to see what Harry was staring at.

“You’re still worried about Malfoy?” she asks when she looks back at Harry.

“Forget about him,” Ron says. “He’s in Slytherin. I’m sure his housemates will look after him.” Ron looks at the doors and then at the empty plates in front of them. “Do you think it will be long before the first years are here? I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry,” Hermione complains.

“I wonder if Iris is going to get sorted into Gryffindor,” Neville says.

Harry bites his lips. “I hope so,” he says. He doesn’t want to think about how he won’t be able to look after her if she’s not in the same dorms as them. Not with Pettigrew on the loose.

“Did I tell you all about the food in Egypt?” Ron asks. “It was good, as long as they didn’t tell you what was in it. They eat crickets as snacks. Can you believe that?”

Harry doesn’t feel like eating crickets. He prefers something a little sweeter. Or would crickets be sweet? He has no idea what they taste like. “Did you have any crickets?” he asks.

Ron opens his mouth the answer, only the door to the Great Hall opens before he gets a chance.

Harry looks up to spot his sister between the group of first years. Iris looks at Harry and Neville and waves. Not long now and she will join their table. She has to. Harry needs to keep his family close so he can make sure they are all okay. At least until Pettigrew is apprehended. Until then it isn’t safe for any of them.

The Sorting Hat sings a silly song. Harry doesn’t pay it much attention. “Do you think she will be in Gryffindor?” Neville asks.

“She has to,” Harry says.

“She’s brainy, she’ll be in Ravenclaw,” Ron pipes in.

“What makes you say that?” Harry says. “Hermione is brainy, and she isn’t in Ravenclaw.”

“Harry, there is nothing wrong with Ravenclaw,” Hermione says in that accusing tone of hers.

“I know, but if she’s in a different dorm. I can’t protect her,” Harry says.

Neville and Harry lock eyes and Neville nods. “You’re right. It would be best.”

“What are you two on about? You think Pettigrew will get into the school and hurt her?” Ron asks.

Hermione shakes her head. “Pettigrew won’t get in here. Hogwarts is well protected. And there are Dementors outside the gates. He will never get past them.”

“He got past them before,” Harry says. “He’s got a special way to get around. He will be in the castle in no time. Trust me.”

Hermione opens her mouth to respond. But at that moment the first student gets sorted into Gryffindor and the entire table cheers, blocking out Hermione’s words.

“Let’s enjoy the sorting and discuss this later,” Neville tells her.

She agrees and together they watch as more and more students get sorted. When it’s Iris’ turn, she sits down with a brave face, but Harry can see that she’s scared. Somehow, she’s had nightmares these last couple of days of getting sorted into Slytherin. It’s crazy, there is only one place where Iris belongs. The same place where the Potter family has always been sorted. She will be in Gryffindor. Harry sits ready to stand up and applaud his sister into the fold.

And then the hat shouts RAVENCLAW.

Iris smiles, gets up and walks over to the Ravenclaw table. She waves towards Harry and Neville and then sits down between her new housemates. Harry slumps in his seat and stares at the Ravenclaw table. “She can’t be,” he whispers.

“Oh, Harry, stop worrying. Iris will be fine,” Hermione says.

Harry shakes his head. He knows that Iris will be fine. She’s an independent girl. And too smart for her own good. But this year is different. There is a real treat now. It’s not the same as first year when the enemy was close but unable to touch them. And it’s different from last year when the Basilisk terrorised the school. No, this year, Neville, Harry and Iris are the targets. The reason why the enemy is here. And no matter how smart or clever Iris is, she is an idiot when it comes to understanding the danger she’s in.

“We need to find Pettigrew before he finds her,” Harry says. He doesn’t care if his friends will help him. He’s not letting anything happen to his little sister.

“Yes,” Neville agrees. “We will. That rat won’t get away with what he did.”

“Fine, we go hunt for Pettigrew. But first, we eat,” Ron says.

Harry smiles at Ron as he loads up his plate with all the food that has just appeared. He knew he could count on his best friend. Ron understands. Last year it was his little sister that almost died. Ginny looks better now. She smiles again and seems to be happy to be back at Hogwarts. She even talks to Neville now. Harry had thought her crush would only intensify now Neville’s saved her from Tom Riddle and the Basilisk. But the opposite seems to have happened. Somehow, she doesn’t worship Neville anymore. And that is a good thing. As Neville is just a normal boy, just like the rest of them.

“You boys are insane. Pettigrew will never make it into the castle,” Hermione says. “The Aurors are on top of this case, he will be caught in no time.”

“Shut up, Hermione,” Neville says. “You don’t know half of it. That man is clever. He’s escaped Azkaban, he’s not going to get caught that easily.”

“Then tell me,” Hermione says. “What’s so special about this criminal? I know he’s the one responsible for Sirius’ injury. But that alone doesn’t make him the most wanted man in the world.”

“Hermione,” Harry warns her. “Let it be.” But of course, Hermione doesn’t listen. Doesn’t she understand that there are things they don’t want to talk about? That she doesn’t have the right to know everything?

“No, I won’t let it be,” Hermione says. “You boys want to get yourself killed, and I won’t stand for it. I don’t want to be stuck alone with the girlish squad for the rest of the year. You can’t do that to me.”

Ron and Harry both try to hide a laugh that tries to escape them. The idea of Hermione being stuck with Lavender and Parvati is hilarious.

“Who cares about the girlish squad!” Neville shouts. His hands tremble and his fork falls on the table.

Harry reaches out and takes Neville’s hand in his. “Nobody does,” he says. Not compared to what must be going through Neville’s mind when he thinks of Pettigrew. That man cost him his parents. That is nothing compared to the bother the girlish squad gives them. Harry is sick of them anyway. They always try to hit on him. Don’t they get that he’s never going to like them? Who would want to date a girl anyway? They are only trouble. Just see how difficult Hermione can be from time to time. And she’s the most normal girl Harry knows.

“Clearly Hermione does,” Ron pipes in, still sniffling.

“I care about your lives,” Hermione says.

“And I care about getting the man that is responsible for my parents’ deaths back in jail,” Neville spits at her.

That shuts her up. Hermione stares at Neville with her spoon frozen in front of her open mouth. “What do you mean?” she asks.

Neville shakes his head. He regrets saying it now. Harry doesn’t need to look at him to know this. Neville never wants to talk about what happened. How a dear friend of his parents, one of James’ best friends betrayed them all. Harry is still grateful that Sirius was the secret keeper of his parents’ hiding place. The world could have been so different if they had switched secret keepers. Then Harry would be the orphan. And Neville would still have his parents. Would they have taken Harry in? Raised him as their own? Probably, but still. It’s different, knowing your real parents are dead and gone because of the betrayal of a friend.

“Pettigrew was the secret keeper for his parents,” Harry explains when it’s clear Neville isn’t going to say anything else.

“And he betrayed them?” Hermione asks.

Harry nods his head. He looks at Neville who gives a weak smile.

“Okay,” Hermione says. Her brow furrows and her jaw is set. She makes eye contact with Neville. “We’re going to catch that rat as soon as possible.”

“Welcome aboard, Hermione,” Ron jokes with his mouth full.

“You’re disgusting, Ron,” Hermione tells him.

The topic of conversation switches back to Ron’s holiday to Egypt after that. Wood stops by at some point to tell Harry Quidditch practice starts this Saturday at eleven since their first game will be against Slytherin. There will be no time to relax into the season, and Harry is fine with that. The amount of Quidditch he gets to play is the best part of being at school.

Harry, Ron, Neville and Hermione eat and joke around. Ron complains about his little sister and how she keeps interfering with his life. Harry ignores Lavender’s advances and Hermione is excited about all the subjects she’s taking this year. Before they even know it the meal has come to a close, Dumbledore has given his final warnings and they are off towards Gryffindor tower.

They step into the entrance hall and make to turn towards the stairs. Only some loud shouts on the other end of the hall make Harry stop in his tracks.

“Come on, Malfoy. Just act like a true Slytherin for once,” one of the older students shouts.

Harry watches as they walk up towards Malfoy, who’s in front of them, his back towards them. One of the students jumps on his back. Malfoy jumps and turns, his wand in his hand. The Slytherin boys laugh and push Malfoy around until Malfoy almost falls off the stairs towards the dungeons. More laughs and then they walk on. Malfoy stands still on the top of the stairs. He wipes his hand over his eyes and then turns. With careful steps, he descends to the dungeon.

“Harry, come on,” Neville shouts. Harry shakes his head and runs up the stairs to join his friends again. He’d forgotten about Malfoy for a little during the feast. But now Malfoy is back at the front of Harry’s mind. He seemed so lost just now. And Harry will make sure that will never happen again. Pettigrew can wait. First Harry has to make sure that Malfoy learns how to communicate with the world around him.

* * *

Chapter Text

The next week passes in a blur. On Monday they all get their timetables. Ron says that Hermione’s table is impossible, as it looks as if she has to attend multiple classes at the same time. Hermione tells Ron he’s an idiot, that there is no way she could be in two classes at once. Classes begin, and so do the loads of homework. Nobody has time to think about Pettigrew or come up with a way to find out where the rat is hiding. And Harry struggles to find a good way to convince his friends to help him help Malfoy. The boy won’t leave Harry’s mind at ease.

Malfoy is in four of Harry’s classes. They share History of Magic, Potions and DADA, just like last year. And Malfoy is also in Divination, one of the two new classes that Harry follows this year. Harry sits in the back of the class, paying no attention to the teachers. His eyes are focused on Malfoy. He observes how Malfoy keeps his head down. During History of Magic Draco reads through most of the lesson. When other students doze off (or take massive notes as Hermione loves to do), Draco has his book open and scans over the pages. In Potions Draco makes the potion just as everyone else. And he is good at it. He always has been. Professor Snape likes Malfoy. His behaviour towards Malfoy is the complete opposite of his behaviour towards Harry. But Harry is used to hearing how he’s the same as his father and how his popularity will one day abandon him and he will be hopeless and lost.

DADA is different. Malfoy tries to sit in the back and just read the textbook, only Professor Lupin (who Harry by accident calls Uncle Remus in their first lesson) has a more hands-on approach than his predecessor Lockhart. Remus asks everyone to take out their wands and practice the Riddikulus incantation with him before he takes them to a cupboard holding a Boggart. It is clear that Malfoy doesn’t understand what is going on. He squishes his eyebrows together and he glances around the classroom.

The other students are more interested in what Remus does with his hands. Remus looks at them and then laughs.

“Sorry, force of habit,” he says. “I’ve got a deaf husband at home, and he loves to know what I mumble about all the time.”

Ron bumps into Harry’s shoulder. “Just remember you can’t make fun of this teacher with Neville without him understanding.”

Harry shakes his head. Ron is right. Harry is so used to just sign with Neville when they think a teacher is being ridiculous. Uncle Remus will understand it all. And he won’t hesitate to call out Harry and Neville when they do.

The class is all good fun.      Most students their Boggart is easily changed into something funny. Ron makes a spider use roller skates and Harry cranks his head to figure out how having Slytherin win the Quidditch Cup could be turned into something funny. Until Malfoy has to face the Boggart and his father steps towards him, shouting without making any sound. The entire class falls silent.

Malfoy shakes his head and just walks out of the classroom. Harry follows him with his eyes until the door closes. He’s sure that there are tears on Malfoy’s face.

Nott, Crabbe and Goyle laugh. “Don’t worry, Professor Lupin,” Nott says. “Malfoy is a bit of a drama queen and he will get over himself soon enough.”

“That’s enough, Theodore,” Remus says. He waves his wand and the Boggart vanishes back into the cupboard. The lesson is over and the class is dismissed.

The next DADA lesson starts without Malfoy present. Harry keeps checking the door, expecting it to open any second now. Only Malfoy never shows.

So, when Harry returns from the first Quidditch practice of the year that weekend, he sits down next to his friends during lunch and right away breaches the issue called Malfoy.

“We need to find a way to help him,” Harry tells Ron, Hermione and Neville.

“He’s a Slytherin. Let the Slytherins deal with him,” Ron says in a flat voice.

“The way they’re dealing with it is barbaric,” Harry says. “The boy is deaf and they think it’s funny to jump him from behind. They laugh at him and make fun of him. No, Malfoy needs someone who can help him, not make his life worse than it already is.”

“Maybe he likes it this way,” Hermione says. “He didn’t want our help on the train. Why would he want it now?”

“Of course, he wants our help,” Harry says. “You can’t think he likes being all alone all the time. And he must struggle with school. You of all people should be upset by that.”

“Some people like being alone,” Neville says. “Not everyone loves being the centre of attention.” He waves his hand towards Harry.

Harry shakes his hands. He’s not an attention addict. And even if he is, that is not what this is about. It’s about Malfoy.

“How did the training go, by the way?” Neville asks. “Do you think you guys will be able to defeat the Slytherins?”

“Of course we’re going to beat them,” Harry says. “That isn’t the issue here.” He pushes his hair that is still moist from his shower out of his face. “We need to come up with a way to help Malfoy.”

“Who are you and what did you do to my best friend?” Ron asks.

Harry raises his eyebrows. “What?”

“You found something more important than beating Slytherin with Quidditch. You can’t be the real Harry,” Ron explains. Neville laughs and then looks the other way when Harry gives him an angry stare.

“Some things are more important than Quidditch,” Harry says. Why can’t they see it? They know how hard it is for Uncle Sirius from time to time. Surely, they will understand that Malfoy is off even worse and that he needs their help.

“Yes, I’m sure now,” Ron says. “He’s not real. Hermione, can you please find a way to get our Harry back?”

“Harry, I love it that you have an interest in something other than Quidditch,” Hermione says. She leans forwards over her crossed arms on the table. “Truly, you won’t believe how excited this makes me. But do you think you can just decide what is best for someone you barely know?”

Harry raises his hands. “What is wrong with trying to help someone?”

“Nothing, Harry,” Neville says. “But Hermione does have a point. We don’t know Malfoy. And Remus promised he would help. We can let him deal with it. We’ve got enough on our plate as it is.”

Harry sighs. “What is wrong with you all?” he says. “What if mum and dad had just decided to do nothing when Uncle Sirius lost his hearing?”

“That’s not the same,” Neville says. “Sirius is family. Malfoy is just a boy in our year that isn’t even in our house.”

“Fine, I’ll do it alone then,” Harry says. He puts down his half-eaten sandwich, stands up and gives Hermione a begging face. She always wants to stand up for others. Harry doesn’t get why she isn’t already forcing the school to start teaching BSL or something. Only Hermione just shakes her head and doesn’t come to the rescue.

Harry turns and walks out of the Great Hall. If nobody is going to help him, he’ll do it alone. Not that Harry has any clue on how he’s going to help Malfoy. But that won’t stop him.

It doesn’t take long before his friends catch up with him and they walk out of the front doors together.

“You’re an idiot for making us do this,” Ron says when they sit down underneath a beech tree close to the lake.

Harry smiles at him. “An idiot you all love,” he says.

Hermione shakes her head in her disapproving way and Neville pretends to study a plant close to the water edge. They all sit and enjoy the September sun that still shines bright. It won’t be long before it gets too cold to sit outside, and Harry will hate being stuck in the castle for all of winter. But for now, he will enjoy this time outside with his friends. Hermione has already taken out a book and Ron has gone to see what kind of plant Neville found.

“I don’t know how to help him, to be honest,” Harry says to no one in particular. “But I can’t just let it be.”

“We know,” Hermione says. “We’ll come up with something. Just let us all think about it for a while.”

“It’s just,” Harry says. “I can’t imagine how lonely Malfoy must be.”

Neville sits down next to him. “Maybe you should go and write out everything the teachers say and hand those notes to him,” he says.

“Yes, that is perfect,” Hermione says. “Then you have to pay attention in class for once, instead of trying to steal my notes all the time.”

“Even better, we copy Hermione’s notes and give them to him,” Ron says.

Harry nods, that will work. Hermione shakes her head on the other hand. She of course thought the idea of Harry making notes was a better idea.

“It’s a start,” Harry says before Hermione can complain. It won’t solve all Malfoy’s problems, but at least he will know what has been said in class this way.

“I could go sit next to him so he can read my notes during class,” Hermione says when it’s clear that they all have agreed that it’s Hermione that will supply the notes. “That way he might even come back to DADA, as he doesn’t have to guess anymore what’s expected of him,” she says.

“Hermione, you are brilliant,” Harry tells her. He leans over Ron and gives Hermione a peck on her cheek.

Hermione blushes and then pushes Harry away from her face. “Thank you,” she says.

And so, the plan is formed. It’s not enough, Harry knows this, but it’s a start. And once Malfoy realises that he needs Harry’s help, Harry can start and teach him how to communicate with others. They’ll become friends and Malfoy won’t be lonely anymore. Harry lays down in the grass and stares at the blue sky. Maybe this year is not going to suck after all.

* * *

“Hurry up, we don’t want to be late,” Harry tells his friends as he stands up from the table. He grabs his bag and starts his track towards the next class.

“What’s up with him?” Ron asks with his mouth full. Harry doesn’t pay him any attention. If they want this to work, they can’t show up late. Someone else would have taken the back seats in the classroom and Harry won’t be able to explain to Malfoy what’s going on. He can’t leave that up to Hermione. She will be all business-like and just scare Malfoy away. And Harry needs this to work. He needs to make Malfoy’s life easier. He doesn’t know why, he just knows he has to. It would be what his parents would do. It’s what they did for Sirius. And now it’s Harry’s chance to show that he can think of someone else. That he can take care of others.

Hermione and Neville fall in line with Harry before he exits the Great Hall and turns towards the stairs that will lead him to the History of Magic classroom.

“You’ve hurt Ron’s feelings,” Neville informs him. “He hasn’t finished his breakfast.”

Harry shakes his head. “There are more important things than Ron’s never-ending need to stuff food in his mouth,” he says.

Neville and Hermione laugh. It’s no secret that if it’s up to Ron, breakfast will never be finished. It will just extend to lunch, and then into dinner until he falls asleep to wake up at the breakfast table.

“He said he’ll catch up later,” Hermione says.

“So, he’ll be late for class. It’s a good thing Binns never notices,” Neville says.

They reach the classroom. The door is still closed. There is only one other student this early. Malfoy sits on the floor next to the door, his hair falls into his face. He doesn’t look up from his book when Harry, Neville and Hermione stop on the other side of the hallway. Harry wonders what it would feel like to push that hair out of Malfoy’s face. Would Malfoy let him?

Harry shakes his head and turns to face Hermione and Neville. He scrapes his throat. “You know what to do?” he asks Hermione.

“Yes, Harry,” Hermione says. “We went over this yesterday. I will sit down next to Malfoy and you will hand him a note explaining he’s allowed to copy my notes. And I will make sure he can read them.” She looks bored. Harry expects her to go check her nails any moment now.

“You think it’s stupid,” Harry says.

“You know I do,” Hermione says. Sometimes Harry hates her honesty. He doesn’t want to hear that his plan is stupid. It’s the best they could come up with. If this doesn’t work, Harry doesn’t know what else to do.

“Oh, Harry, don’t be all bothered,” Hermione says. “You know why I think it’s stupid. Not because it’s a bad plan, but because I don’t think Malfoy wants our help. He’s not going to copy my notes,” she explains.

Harry shakes his head. “You’re wrong. He will be grateful, I promise you,” he says.

Hermione and Neville both look at him as if he'd grown another head. “What?” Harry snaps. “Is it so wrong of me to want to help Malfoy?”

They both say no so quickly that Harry doesn’t believe them at all. “I hate both of you,” he says before he turns to look at Malfoy. And maybe he shouldn’t have, because the urge to go sits down next to him is back. Harry bites on his bottom lip and closes his eyes briefly.

The classroom door opens and Malfoy stands up from the floor. He goes inside. Harry, Neville and Hermione follow him. As usual, Malfoy finds a spot at the back of the class. He sits down and pulls his history textbook out of his bag.

Harry follows him and sits down at the table in front of Malfoy. He takes out the note he scribbled last night. Well, the fourth or fifth one he wrote. They all sounded so lame. So, Harry has gone for simple in the end. Just the words: ‘We’d like to help. You can copy Hermione’s notes.’ No elaborate explanations about how Harry understands because his uncle is deaf. Because the truth is, Harry doesn’t understand. He doesn’t get why Malfoy’s situation isn’t known with the teachers. Or how he got by the last two years at school. And how does Malfoy even communicate with his parents? It’s all so confusing. The only thing Harry does know is that he can’t stop thinking about it and that he needs to act. He needs to do something.

Malfoy looks up from his book when Hermione sits down next to him. He raises his eyebrows and closes his book. Harry pushes his note toward Malfoy quickly before he stands up and finds a new spot to sit. Malfoy picks up the note and reads it. He looks at Hermione and then at Harry. Harry smiles at Malfoy in the hope he understands that they just want to be friendly. Draco clenches his hand around the note and he shakes his head. With force, he pushes the note back into Harry’s hands. Then he grabs his bag, stands up and walks to another table.

“What the?” Harry says. His mind freezes and he doesn’t understand.

“Told you,” Hermione says.

“Yeah, be all happy that you were right. Like always,” Harry spits at her before he turns around in his seat.

“Don’t take it out on Hermione,” Neville says. Harry looks at his brother, who already rests his head on his arms, all ready for a quick nap while Binns drones on.

Ron walks into the classroom and stops next to their seats. “Why is Hermione not next to Malfoy?” he asks.

“Malfoy walked away,” Neville says. He waves his hand in the air without lifting his head. Harry tugs on his tie and then pretends to focus on what Binns is saying.

“Great,” Ron answers. He slides into the seat Malfoy just evacuated. “Now I can copy her notes,”

“No, you can’t,” Hermione says.

Harry doesn’t say a word. He just stares at the front of the class where Binns has started his lecture. Not that Harry hears a word that is being said. Sometimes he hates his friends. What’s good about Malfoy struggling with school for no good reason? And why doesn’t he want to be helped by Harry? Harry would be grateful if someone would help him if he couldn’t hear a single thing. Even now, when Harry wishes he couldn’t hear his friends move on to the next topic as if Malfoy isn’t important, he’s glad he can hear them. And maybe they are right. Maybe Malfoy isn’t that important. He did manage to pass the last two years without any help from Harry and his friends. And what does Harry know about him anyway? He only knows he’s deaf and doesn’t speak. It doesn’t mean he’s an okay guy. Or worth Harry’s time. Maybe Harry should just forget about him and focus on the upcoming Quidditch match.

Who’s Harry kidding? He turns in his seat and looks at Malfoy. He’s reading his book again, not paying attention to anyone around him. Harry shakes his head and looks back at Binns.

“He doesn’t want our help, so leave it,” Neville says from his other side.

“I know,” Harry says.

Ron pats Harry on his back. “Yeah, that didn’t convince anyone that you’re going to drop this,” he says.

Harry raises his shoulders. He doesn’t care what Neville and Ron think about this all. Aren’t they curious about Malfoy? Why doesn’t he want any help? Did Harry do something to him, and is that why he doesn’t want to be seen with them? Is it because they are in Gryffindor and he’s a Slytherin? Harry just needs to know. He needs to find out why Malfoy’s grey eyes are like thunder clouds when he spots Harry looking at him.

Harry turns quickly and picks up his quill. His heart reaches in his chest and a smile forms on his face. Malfoy has beautiful eyes when he gets angry. Harry should get him riled up more often.

Harry glances over his shoulder again and smiles at Malfoy when the other looks back at him. This time it’s Malfoy who looks away first and Harry counts it as a win. He will get Malfoy to communicate with him. Harry just needs to irritate him enough.

* * *

For the next couple of days, Harry can’t keep his mind focused on his school work. Hermione drags him to the library to study after his Quidditch practice on Saturday. He flies around on his broom together with Ron one evening. And he stares. During breakfast, lunch and dinner. When he’s supposed to pay attention to his own potion. When Trelawney again makes a fool of herself by predicting that Neville is going to die a horrible death. And when Binns rattles on about some goblin rebellion nobody cares about. He just stares and watches Malfoy. He observes how Malfoy scrawls at the movements of Snape’s hands. (Which explains why Snape hates Harry and Neville. Apparently, he’d been able to understand every word they ever signed at each other.) And Malfoy hates the extra notes he gets from Trelawney when she’s done explaining their assignments for the day.

Neville says Harry is obsessed. And maybe he is. Harry doesn’t care. He needs to get to the bottom of this. It’s the same as first year when he had to know what was hidden underneath that trapped door. Or who was after it. And it reminds Harry of second year when he just had to know who was the heir of Slytherin. Because he was pretty sure that Neville wasn’t it. And now he just needs to know how Malfoy manages and why he won’t let Harry help him. Harry can’t help it, it’s just in his nature. And at least with this obsession, there is no way that Neville will get hurt because of it. No, this obsessing will make his mother proud, instead of what happens most of the time, which is her being upset that Harry is so much like his father and always gets everyone mixed up in something dangerous.

Malfoy still doesn’t show up to the DADA lessons. Harry worries that Malfoy might fail this year if he keeps away for too long. So, after classes end on Wednesday, Harry goes to Remus’ office to ask for his help.

“Hi Harry,” Remus says. “You want to go for a walk around the grounds?” Remus points out the window. “It’s a beautiful day, and I’ve been stuck inside all day.”

“Sure,” Harry agrees. They walk down the stairs in silence and start a track towards the Whomping Willow. It reminds Harry of the upcoming full moon. Remus will be off sick for a couple of days next week.

“Will you be okay next week?” Harry asks.

Remus looks at the Willow and then smiles at Harry. “Sirius will take care of me,” he says. They moved into a little cottage in Hogsmeade a couple of days ago, so they can be together on most nights and during the weekend.

Harry shakes his head. He knows this. Sirius always takes care of Remus. He won’t leave him alone during the worst night of the month.

“But that is not what you are concerned about, is it?” Remus asks.

Harry sighs. “It’s just. I’ve noticed that Malfoy doesn’t come to the DADA classes,” he says.

“Ah, yes. I’ve noticed too,” Remus says. “I’ve told Professor Snape and he’d promised to have a word with young Malfoy.”

“Do you think that will be enough?” Harry asks. He doubts it will. Who in their right mind will listen to Snape?

Remus turns and starts towards the main gates of Hogwarts. “I hope it will,” he says. “I’d hate to fail Draco, only because he is scared to be in my class.”

They walk on in silence for some time. Harry wonders what Snape could say to Malfoy to get him to go to all his classes. Malfoy hasn’t been all that happy with Snape of late. Not since Snape started to sign in class.

“How come Snape knows sign language?” Harry asks.

“Professor Snape,” Remus says. Harry snickers at the correction, one his father or Sirius would never make. “I don’t know,” Remus continues. “Lily might have something to do with it. But I’m not sure.”

“Malfoy doesn’t like it,” Harry says.

Remus stops in his tracks and looks out over the grounds. The sun is hidden behind some clouds and the air gets colder by the minute. “He comes from a proud family,” he says.

Harry looks back at the castle. “Uncle Sirius says all Malfoys are egocentric,” he says. “But I don’t think Malfoy is. He’s mostly just alone.”

Remus stares at Harry and then puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Then why don’t you prove to Sirius and James that they are wrong and that this Malfoy is different,” he says. His hand moves from the shoulder to pet Harry’s hair. Remus shakes his head a little and gives Harry a soft smile. “And now you need to get back inside, and I need to go see a man about dinner.”

Harry pushes his hand through his hair. “I’ll try,” he says. “Not sure if Malfoy wants me to be his friend.” And that is the whole problem. Harry wants to help him, wants to be close to him. But he has no idea how.

“You’re not one for giving up this easily,” Remus says.

Harry laughs. “No, and I won’t now,” he says.

“That’s the spirit,” Remus says. “Now, turn around and go get dinner before Ron has eaten it all.”

Harry laughs. “I will,” he says. “And you say hi to Uncle Sirius for me,” he shouts as he runs back towards the castle. His head spins. He needs to find a way to get Malfoy to accept his help. Harry can teach him some basic BSL so Malfoy can understand what Snape and Remus say      in class. And he can help him by writing things down for him. Or even just pointing him in the right direction. Harry will have to step up his game, but he knows he can do it. There is no need for Malfoy to always be alone.

It’s the start of something new. Harry has thought about it. He will just leave Malfoy notes. At the end of every class they share, Harry slides a note onto Malfoy’s desk. Sometimes he even does it when he walks into the classroom. Most notes just have comments about the class they just had. Explaining why the entire class laughed or pointing out an important thing mentioned for their assignments. Some of them are offers for help and some have silly drawings of how to sign simple words. All the notes end up in the bin, without being read.

Neville, Hermione and Ron noticed. They shake their heads and whisper among each other when they think Harry isn’t paying them any attention. But they don’t say a word to Harry, or tell him to stop. And Harry kind of loves them for that. They know him well enough to know that this is just something Harry needs to do.

Two weeks go by before Malfoy finally reads one of the notes. Not that it changes anything. Malfoy still doesn’t respond. He just reads them and then tosses them in the bin. But Harry smiles nonetheless. It’s a start. Malfoy reads them now, and he will know the knowledge Harry shares with him. That is enough for now.

Harry takes care in writing his notes. He thinks about the words more than he would ever think about something he would write for one of his essays or tests. These words seem more important than paying attention in class. They are more important than anything else.

And the scowl on Draco’s face when he reads them. Harry loves that scowl. He can’t help but smile each time Draco crumbles up another note and tosses it in the bin on his way out of class.

Malfoy starts to stare back at Harry. Only he doesn’t smile. His mouth is a thin line and his eyes are dark. Storm clouds reside in them. They are still beautiful eyes. And that is a thought that scares Harry a little. It’s not as if he’s never thought that of a boy before, or that he thinks he shouldn’t think things like this. It’s just that this is different. This could be more than just thinking he’s beautiful. And Harry isn’t sure if he’s ready for that.

Another two weeks pass. Harry keeps up with the notes. They are in Divination when Malfoy crumbles up one of Harry’s notes and throws it back to Harry. Harry opens it, but Malfoy hasn’t written down an answer to his offer to teach him sign language.

“Maybe you should let him be,” Neville says. “He doesn’t want your help.”

Harry shakes his head. He can’t give up now. So, he tears off another piece of parchment. He scribbles down that he doesn’t mind clearing time in his schedule for Malfoy and then folds the paper into a little aeroplane. When Trelawney has her back turned to the class Harry flies the plane to Malfoy who catches it with ease. He would make a good Seeker with reflexes like that. Harry smiles at him and is happy to see that Malfoy opens the note. He stares back at Harry, his eyes wide and horrified. And then he picks up his quill and starts to write. Harry turns around again with a grin on his face. He’s made Malfoy talk back to him.

At the end of the class, Malfoy pushes the note in Harry’s hand and then storms off. Harry opens the note. The letters are large and scrawled over multiple times. LEAVE ME ALONE it says. I DON’T NEED OR WANT YOUR HELP!

“Told you,” Neville says. Harry pushes Neville to the side and then folds up the note. He slides it in the pocket of his robe. Malfoy responded. That is all that matters. Soon he won’t be able to resist Harry anymore. Because there is no way that Harry is going to leave him alone. Not when he’s all Harry can think of these days.

* * *

Harry doesn’t give up. He keeps up with the notes. He has to. If he doesn’t, he’ll be just as bad as all those people that had given up on his Uncle Sirius when he got injured and lost his hearing. Harry is a better person than that. Only Malfoy doesn’t read the notes anymore. He just tosses them in the bin. Harry needs a new tactic if he wants to get Malfoy to accept his help.

Harry knows that Malfoy studies in the library from time to time. Hermione loves to drag Harry to the library in the hope Harry will focus on his homework for once. The last couple of times Harry has spotted Malfoy there. Always at the same table. It didn’t help Hermione’s plan to get Harry to study. Normally he already is bound to find ways to do as little for school as possible. And there are always people that want to talk to him. About the upcoming Quidditch match against Slytherin or other non-school-related stuff. And now Harry has an extra reason to be distracted. He can watch Malfoy in the library and figure out how to make him talk to Harry. And today, Harry has figured out the perfect plot. He’ll join Malfoy in the library and study with him, no matter if Malfoy likes it or not.

Mrs Prince looks up from her desk when Harry steps into the library all alone. Her eyes question his presence here. It’s not that strange. Harry doesn’t think he’s ever come into the library by himself. He’s always with his friends. And never for long. He’s too loud and somehow always gets kicked out.

But today is different. Harry is here on a mission. And if it means that he actually has to study to get Malfoy to talk to him, then that is what Harry is going to do. Harry walks past the first set of tables, quickly scanning for Malfoy. He’s not here. Harry didn’t expect him to be. It’s mostly first and second years that stay at the front of the library. And Malfoy prefers the spot at the back of the library. Most older years do. Mrs Prince is less likely to hear you speak and kick you out. Not that Harry thinks Malfoy would ever get kicked out of the library. He doesn’t talk. And Harry doesn’t think Malfoy is one for eating in the library. He always seems to take good care of his books. They all look brand new when he reads them in class. Harry thinks they are Malfoy’s most precious possessions.

Harry spots Malfoy at one of the tables in the back. The seats next to him are still empty. It seems that nobody wants to sit next to crazy, silent Malfoy. Harry takes a deep breath and pulls out the seat opposite Malfoy. He sits down and pulls some of his homework out of his bag. Malfoy looks up from the book he was reading. He’s got a quill in his hand and a large piece of parchment next to him. It’s filled with words, so tiny, Harry can’t read it from where he sits. Harry smiles at Malfoy and then opens his own book. He finds the page about the Full Body-Bind Curse. Flitwick wants them to write down all the proper uses of the charm, when you’re allowed to use it, and what the consequences are for messing up the wand work. Harry hadn’t paid any attention in class when Flitwick explained the charm. He was too busy plotting his plan to get through to Malfoy. So now he’ll have to read the entire chapter and figure out what to write in his essay.

An hour passes. Nothing happens. Harry finishes his essay about the Full Body-Bind Curse and even makes a beginning with his potions homework. Malfoy doesn’t pay Harry any attention. He continues his own work as if it’s the most normal thing in the world that Harry shares a table with him. When Malfoy is done, he packs his books into his bag and walks away without a single glance in Harry’s direction. Harry puts away his work and heads for the Great Hall. Diner should get served soon.

“Where have you been?” Ron asks when Harry sits down next to him.

“Oh, nowhere,” Harry says. “Just found a quiet spot to work on that essay for Flitwick.”

Ron nods his head and lets it be. Dinner has just appeared in front of him and he’s busy pushing as many potatoes as possible in his mouth.

Hermione shakes her head and dishes some potatoes on her plate. “You’re disgusting, Ron,” she says.

With his mouth full, Ron answers with “You still love me.”

Neville and Harry laugh as Hermione wrinkles her nose and looks away from Ron. Her eyes are cold as she takes the dish with meatballs from Harry. Harry gives them up without a fight and moves on to the greens. Dinner passes in good fun. Hermione forgets her dislike of Ron’s eating habits and Neville talks away about his new book about plants that Professor Sprout recommended to him.

After dinner, Harry goes to Quidditch practice, takes a quick shower and then drops in bed, unable to move another muscle.

The next day, Harry sneaks off to the library again after his last class. He finds Malfoy and sits down opposite him, just as the day before. They both do their homework without acknowledging each other until it’s time for dinner. Neville is the one that asks Harry this time where he’s been. Harry doesn’t tell them. If he does, Hermione will want to join, and that will ruin his entire plan. Or Neville and Ron will pop by, only to find out Harry’s still trying to get Malfoy’s attention. Harry doesn’t want to know what Neville will have to say about that. Harry already knows it’s not healthy to obsess about Malfoy. He doesn’t need Neville pointing out what it might mean. Harry isn’t even sure himself what it all means. The only thing he knows is that he needs to do this.

Wednesday and Thursday pass by in the same manner. And now it’s the last day of the week, and Harry has another Quidditch practice tonight. But first, he makes his way to the library and sits down in his now regular spot.

A book slams closed in front of Harry. Harry looks up and sees Malfoy stare at him. His lips flatten as he holds his chin high. With force, Malfoy tears a piece of parchment off the bottom of his essay. He picks up his quill and starts to write. Harry follows the movement of Malfoy’s hand with a soft smile on his face.

Malfoy pushes the note towards Harry.

‘Why are you here?’ the note says.

Harry looks around for his quill. He has to search through his bag to find it. It gives him time to think of what to answer. Will he be honest and say he’s here because he wants to help Malfoy? Or will he annoy him? That last is more prone to get a reaction from Malfoy.

‘Doing my homework. And you?’ Harry writes. With a grin, he pushes the note back to Malfoy.

Malfoy shakes his head and scribbles more words down. The note gets pushed back to Harry who takes it quickly. His fingers brush against Malfoy’s, causing his heart to speed up.

‘Don’t be an idiot,’ the note says. ‘You never do your homework in the library. What do you want from me?’

Harry reads over the note three times, maybe even four. His heart is inside his throat and that doesn’t make any sense. It’s not why he’s here. He’s here to help. And just help. He wants to be a friend to Malfoy. So that is what Harry writes down before he pushes the note back.

‘I don’t need your friendship,’ Malfoy writes.

Harry nods his head. Of course, Malfoy won’t give in that easily. Harry needs a better excuse to get Malfoy to accept his help. He looks down at his Potions book. It’s his worst subject. Harry likes to blame it all on Snape, but the truth is that he just doesn’t get it.

‘Fine. I want you to tutor me in Potions. I suck at it, and you always have top marks,’ Harry writes.

Malfoy laughs. He shakes his head. ‘I won’t help you. You made everything worse. Just leave me alone.’

Harry’s mind races. He doesn’t understand. How did he make things worse? He only tried to help Malfoy. Isn’t it better now that the teachers understand why he can’t answer them?

Harry runs his hand through his hair and stares at the parchment. He needs to answer, say something. Otherwise, Malfoy will leave and it will all have been for nothing.

‘I don’t understand,’ Harry writes. ‘I only tried to help you.’

Malfoy presses his lips together and his eyes narrow. The grey in them darkens and Harry swallows at the sight. Malfoy pulls the parchment away from Harry and pushes his quill onto it. When Harry gets the parchment back the writing is bolder than before. The words ‘you didn’t’ hit home. Harry wants to reach out and touch Malfoy, to let him know that Harry never meant to make it worse.

‘I’m sorry’, Harry writes. ‘My uncle is deaf. He struggled with it, so I know it’s hard. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of.’

Harry pushes the note back to Malfoy with a small smile. If Malfoy could just understand that Harry wants to help him. He’s not here to make fun of him. Or make everything worse. He wants Malfoy to be happy.

‘Maybe not for you,’ Draco writes.

Harry looks up from the parchment and sees as Malfoy bites down on his bottom lip and stares past Harry. It’s heart-breaking and Harry again wishes he could just reach out and take Malfoy’s hand in his.

‘What do you mean by that?’ Harry asks. He’s not sure he wants to know the answer. Harry has heard stories from Uncle Sirius. About others who think he is now a lesser wizard and person. Is that what Malfoy has grown up with? The idea that he’s not good enough the way he is?

‘Because you told Professor Lupin, the Headmaster has written to my father. He’s not pleased,’ is the answer Malfoy writes down.

Harry makes a fist with one of his hands. His nails bite into his palm. Then he sighs and picks up his quill again. ‘Why would your father be angry?’ he writes. ‘He should have told the Headmaster the moment you started school. It’s unfair to let you struggle as you did.’

Malfoy blinks with his eyes. His writing is shaky. ‘I didn’t struggle,’ he writes.

Merlin beards, does Malfoy truly believe that it was normal to hide his condition? The hatred of his father and Uncle Sirius towards the Malfoy family starts to make sense. Because this is wrong.

‘Okay, you’re getting by. But you could do even better,’ Harry writes.

Malfoy shakes his head and his eyes darken again. ‘And you are going to make things better?’ he scribbles. ‘Do you even know what you did last year? I had to get by without help because you thought you had to make things better.’

‘Is this about Dobby?’ Harry writes with dread. Dobby wanted to be a free elf. Harry made sure he got that freedom. But at what cost came that freedom?

Malfoy stares at his hands for a second. He blinks with his eyes which start to water. Is Malfoy going to cry? Was Dobby that important to Malfoy?

‘He was your friend,’ Harry writes.

Malfoy wipes his hand over his eyes before he answers. ‘Yes, he was,’ he writes. ‘And now I don’t even know where he is.’

Harry wonders too. He hasn’t seen or heard about Dobby since he’d been freed from the Malfoy family. ‘I don’t know either,’ he writes. ‘And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things worse.’

‘Well, you did,’ Malfoy writes. ‘And you did again when you told the teachers. Nobody is allowed to know.’

There are so many things wrong with that statement. Harry wants to tell Malfoy, but he doesn’t think it will help his cause. He can’t push Malfoy away now. He’s just opening up. Harry has to hold on to that.

‘But we do know,’ he writes. ‘Nothing to change about that now.’

‘Not unless you have a Time-Turner lying around,’ Malfoy writes. ‘Still doesn’t mean I want your help.’

‘Fine, I won’t help you. But will you help me? I could truly use some help with Potions,’ Harry writes. He gestures at the book in front of him.

Malfoy shakes his head. ‘Don’t you have your lady friend for that?’ he writes.

Harry laughs. ‘Hermione tries, but she’s a horrible teacher.’

‘You won’t stop pestering me until I agree, won’t you?’ Malfoy writes. His eyes glitter a little and Harry believes a smile is forming on Malfoy’s lips.

“No, I won’t,’ Harry writes down.

The smile forms completely as Malfoy writes again. ‘I was afraid of that. You do know I’m in Slytherin, don’t you?’

‘Yes, I know,’ Harry answers. ‘I don’t care. Just don’t expect me to help you gain house points.’

‘And don’t you expect me to cheer you on at Quidditch,’ Malfoy writes.

‘Deal,’ Harry writes. He can’t help but smile at Malfoy.

‘And you can teach me to talk with my hands?’ Malfoy writes. He bites on his bottom lip as he waits for Harry to answer him.

‘Yes, I can. If you want to,’ Harry writes.

‘I would,’ Malfoy answers. Harry wants to jump from his seat and dance around. He doesn’t. Malfoy might change his mind when he sees how stupid Harry can act from time to time. He does spot the clock at the end of the room and curses. He quickly writes down that he needs to hurry off to dinner because he has an extra Quidditch practise this evening.

‘I’ll see if I can find a place where we can practice sign language and then we can make a plan on Monday. You’ll be here, after classes?’ Harry writes.

Malfoy nods his head and then turns back to his homework. Harry shoves his Potions book into his backpack and hurries out of the library with a smile on his face. Malfoy has finally accepted Harry’s help. Harry wonders what Hermione and Neville will say now. They thought it was a hopeless case. How wrong were they? It’s all going to work out. Malfoy and Harry will become friends, and it’s going to be amazing. Harry is sure of it.

* * *

Chapter Text

The smile on Harry’s face won’t leave him. It follows him all the way to breakfast on Saturday morning. All his homework is done and Malfoy has agreed to learn sign language. Harry’s weekend can’t start any better.

“What’s wrong with you?” Iris asks as she sits down next to him.

“You’re at the wrong table,” Ron tells her. He points his fork towards the Ravenclaw table and then takes another bite of his eggs.

“Shut up, Ron,” Harry and Neville say at the same time.

Ron shakes his head and grabs another piece of bacon from the serving plate.

Iris just shakes her head and then stares at Harry again. Her eyebrows are raised. “Neville, what’s wrong with Harry? He’s too happy,” she says.

Neville lifts his shoulders. “Don’t know. He won’t tell us,” he says at the same time that Harry sputters: “Am I not allowed to be in a good mood?”

Neville and Iris ignore Harry. “But I bet it has something to do with a certain person that has been ignoring him,” Neville continues.

“Who?” Iris asks. She wobbles on her seat and almost drops the eggs she just dished up. “Do you have a girlfriend, Harry?”

Harry groans and then drops his head on the table in front of him. Neville laughs and Iris pouts her lips. “What’s so funny?” she asks.

Harry sits back up and bites on his lip. He wonders if he should just tell his little sister. Neville already figured it out. And Harry is pretty sure about it now. There has been a reason why he doesn’t care about all the girls swooning over him. And that’s fine. Only Harry isn’t sure if he wants the entire world to know yet. And telling Iris will make it public knowledge in a matter of days. She’s never been able to keep a secret. Not even when it means she will get in trouble. And Harry wants to be the one to tell his parents. He can’t have Iris beat him to it.

“Nothing,” Neville says. “What are you up to today?” he asks Iris to distract her. Harry will have to remember to thank him later.

“We have a quiz this afternoon in our common room,” Iris says. “So, I’m going to look up some facts about Hogwarts with Johanna this morning.”

“Ravenclaws are weird,” Ron says. “Who would want to study on their day off?”

“You will,” Hermione tells him when she joins them. “You’re not copying my work again. Professor McGonagall will notice.”

“Hermione, please,” Ron begs her.

Hermione ignores him. Instead, she turns to Iris. “How do you like Hogwarts so far, Iris?”

“It’s amazing,” Iris says. “The library is huge. And there are so many books. Harry never said there were this many books. And mum was right, I can still learn so much.”

Harry shakes his head. Why did he even think Iris could be in Gryffindor when all she wants to do is learn more and be the smartest witch who’s ever lived. Maybe it’s because Hermione is in Gryffindor. She’s also a know-it-all, always willing to study and learn more. By now she probably knows more about the magical world than her best friends, who grew up around magic. Harry just knows he’s lucky to have her around, always willing to push them all when exams are around the corner.

Iris chats on about Hogwarts. She tells them who her favourite teachers are and how she loves living in the Ravenclaw tower. She dishes up her breakfast plate as she asks Harry how Quidditch practice is going. Harry, who’s glad that the conversation is no longer about his secrets, or his growing fondness of a certain boy, is happy to talk Quidditch until the owls arrive with the post. There is a letter from Sirius for Harry. Harry pulls open the envelope and a smile forms when he skims over the words.

“He’s doing it again,” Iris says.

“Ignore it,” Neville tells her.

Harry doesn’t respond. He’s busy reading the friendly words of his uncle. Harry hadn’t told him about Malfoy, but of course, Remus has told Sirius. And now Sirius is offering his help. Sirius says he has his doubts, the boy is a Malfoy of course. But he knows Harry and what he’s like when he’s set his mind to something. He gives tips for some helpful books to get from the library to help with the      communication problems. And if the library doesn’t have the books, Harry should let him know and he will send them along with Remus as Sirius owns them all.

“Something is wrong,” Iris says. Harry looks up and he sees how multiple students are handing around today’s Daily Prophet.

Ron stops eating for a second and looks over to his twin brothers. “What is it?” he shouts at Fred.

“See for yourself,” Fred says as he levitates the newspaper towards them. Hermione grabs it. Ron looks over her shoulder and then drops his fork.

“Pettigrew is in Hogsmeade,” he says. “He’s been spotted there this week.”

Iris’ eyes widen and Harry puts his arm around her. “It’s okay, he won’t hurt us,” Harry says.

“But Uncle Sirius,” Iris starts.

“Uncle Sirius can take care of himself,” Neville says. His hands are squeezed into fists and they tremble. Harry looks him in the eyes and nods. How could Harry have forgotten all about Pettigrew? His mind has been so full of Malfoy and his need to help him that he’d forgotten the threat that is still out there.

“And I won’t let him hurt anyone else,” Neville continues. “He’s stolen enough from us.”

“Don’t be a fool, Neville,” Hermione says. She doesn’t look up from the paper but skims through the article about Pettigrew.

“Hermione, stay out of this,” Harry says. “You don’t understand. You didn’t grow up with the scars that man caused.”

Hermione puts the paper down. “I might not have grown up with it,” she says. “But I do know what that man did to your family.”

“You don’t know half of it,” Neville snaps back. “My parents are dead because of him.”

“Yes, and Uncle Sirius, he’s deaf because of a spell Pettigrew cast when he tried to get away,” Iris pipes in.

“Fine, go and kill yourself,” Hermione snaps. “I’m sure your foster parents will be happy to see you dead.”

“I rather be dead than let that rat get away,” Neville says. His face is almost as red as Ron’s hair. He’s shaking with anger as he tears the Daily Prophet out of Hermione’s hands. Harry can’t talk. He’s never thought about it. That Neville would risk his life to get revenge. Harry would do the same. He would give his life for his family, if it means keeping them safe. But Neville can’t die. He’s the Boy who Lived. He deserves to be happy and have a good life. Harry needs to keep him safe, make sure that Neville doesn’t do anything stupid. It’s his main job as Neville’s brother. Harry will have to find Pettigrew first before Neville can get involved. Neville will hate him for a while, but it’s for the best. Neville can’t get hurt. Harry promised mum he would keep Neville out of harm's way, that he wouldn't pull him into any of his stupid quests for righteousness. She went on and on about how it would be better if Harry was more like her, and a little less like James. That it was hard enough to have a husband risking his life for the safety of others, that she didn’t need a son that would do the same. But now Harry has no choice. He needs to keep Neville and Iris out of harm's way. And with Pettigrew this close, he needs to act quickly.

“I don’t want you to die,” Iris says in a small voice.

Harry pulls Iris against his side. “He’s not going to die. I’ll keep him safe,” he says.

“You promise?” Iris asks.

“I do,” Harry tells her.

“I’m going after him,” Neville says.

Harry nods. “I know. And I’ll help you. You don’t have to do this alone,” he says.

“We all help you,” Ron pipes in.

Hermione sighs and looks at all of them for a long time. “I’ll guess I’ll help too,” she says. “Just to make sure you don’t get killed.”

“Or expelled,” Ron whispers. Hermione gives him a dark look and then shakes her head. She picks up her coffee and snatches the Daily Prophet out of Neville’s hands. “Let’s see what other news there is today,” she says as she opens the paper and starts to scan the headlines.

Iris doesn’t move out of Harry’s embrace until her friend Johanna comes to fetch her to go study in the library. She hugs Neville and Harry before she leaves. Harry watches her sprint out of the Great Hall, all excited about spending her Saturday morning in the library. Harry will make sure she will keep enjoying every minute she spends at school. He will keep her safe. Just as he will keep Neville safe. And Ron. Mrs Weasley will kill him if anything will happen to Ron. And Harry isn’t ready to die. He’s still got plans for his life. He needs to catch a rat, teach a stubborn Slytherin how to use sign language and then become a professional Quidditch player before he joins the Auror force. But to make sure that happens he’s got to make sure Neville never gets close to Pettigrew. Because a life without Neville is unimaginable. He’s been Harry’s brother for as long as Harry can remember, and Harry will always need his brother by his side. So, there is only one thing he can do. He will go after Pettigrew alone and kill the rat. It’s the only thing he can do to keep Neville, Iris, Remus and Sirius safe.

* * *

Harry doesn’t enjoy his Saturday off. He stares at the fire in the hearth of the Gryffindor common room. He needs to figure out a way to find Pettigrew and stop him before it’s too late. Until now, Harry hasn’t come up with any clue on where to start. How do you find a man that can turn into a rat and somehow keeps evading the Dementors that guard Hogwarts and Hogsmeade?

Hermione sits on the sofa next to Harry. Her nose is buried in a new book. She has finished all her homework, just like Harry. If only Ron and Neville weren’t stuck on doing theirs. Then they could go fly around for a bit. Maybe that will help Harry relax. Harry can’t focus on anything. His mind is on Pettigrew. And Malfoy keeps popping up. Harry dreams about him most nights. That reminds him, he still needs to go and talk to Remus. Harry needs to ask him if there is a classroom somewhere that he and Malfoy can use. And he should go to the library and look for the books Sirius had recommended. Maybe that will get his head off Pettigrew for a little bit. Only Harry doesn’t want to forget about Pettigrew. He needs to stop that rat. There is no other choice. Not as long as Neville and Iris might be in danger.

“Did you truly already finish all your homework?” Hermione asks when Harry again changes position on the couch.

Harry turns and looks at Hermione. She has her book closed on her lap and watches Harry with narrowed eyes.

“Yes, I have,” Harry sneers. He clenches his hands for a second and then he changes his position again.

Hermione lifts her shoulders. “It’s just, you normally are worse than those two.” Hermione nods her head towards Neville and Ron who are both at the table with books and parchment around them.

“Well, maybe I’ve changed,” Harry says. He looks back at the fire. Maybe he should just tell Hermione where he’s been sneaking off to the last couple of weeks after class. They all wonder and even think he’s secretly seeing someone. Ron already asked who the lucky girl is. But what if they think he’s got the hots for Malfoy? Because it isn’t like that. He just wants to help Malfoy, make his life a little easier to handle with his disability. That doesn’t mean he’s into him, does it? Even if Harry thinks Malfoy is quite pretty. Beautiful even, with his blond hair and long fingers. They don’t need to know that Harry dreams about him on most nights.

“You’re spacing off,” Hermione says.

Harry looks back at Hermione. “Sorry,” he says. “It’s just. I don’t want you all to get the wrong idea.”

“You’ve been trying to figure out how to help Malfoy, haven’t you?” Hermione asks.

“How do you?” Harry starts. No other words follow. How does Hermione know this? She hasn’t been in the library. Or did she see Harry there and just first wanted to talk to him alone before ratting him out to their friends?

“Iris said you were in the library almost every afternoon this week,” Hermione explains. “And I’ve heard that it’s Malfoy’s favourite place.”

“Who told you that?” Harry asks.

“Parvati’s sister Padma said she sees him there a lot,” Hermione explains. “And as I still have to share a room with Parvati, I get to listen in on all her conversations with Lavender. They also noticed you started hanging out with Malfoy. They have the strangest theories why.”

Harry sits up a little straighter. “What kind of theories?” he asks.

“Harry, that is not important.” Hermione slaps Harry on his arm. “I think it’s great that you try to help him.”

“Thanks,” Harry says. He looks back at the fire and fidgets with his sleeve. “Don’t tell Ron and Neville,” he says.

“Harry, you are allowed to help Malfoy if he wants your help,” Hermione says. “Why don’t you want me to tell Ron and Neville? Do you truly believe they will object to you helping him?”

“Ron already thinks I’m seeing someone,” Harry says without looking at Hermione. “I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. He’ll just make fun of it.”

“He won’t,” Hermione says. She places her hand on top of Harry’s. It forces him to stop fidgeting with his sleeve.

 “Even if you did like Malfoy in that way, we won’t mind,” Hermione says.

Harry blinks. This is his secret. And he’s not even sure if he likes Malfoy that way. He hardly knows Malfoy. The only things he knows are that Malfoy is deaf, that he doesn’t speak and that he likes doing his homework. And that he’s beautiful. But that doesn’t mean that Harry fancies him.

“I don’t,” Harry says.

“Okay,” Hermione answers. She doesn’t remove her hand from Harry’s. Harry stares at them. Is it bad that he wonders what it would feel like if Malfoy would take his hand in his? Does that mean he does fancy him? Harry just doesn’t know. But he loves spending time with Malfoy.

They both don’t say anything else. Harry is glad Hermione doesn’t push the subject. It’s clear that she suspects. And Harry can’t blame her. Neville also thinks it’s not just because Malfoy is deaf that Harry can’t leave him alone. And maybe it’s crazy to keep it a secret. Only Harry doesn’t want anyone to know yet. People will look at him differently. What if they won’t like him anymore? Or what if Wood kicks him off the Quidditch team? Harry can’t risk that. And it’s not as if there are a lot of gay students walking around Hogwarts, are they? It’s not common. And still frowned upon by many.

And fuck, Harry is distracted again. He’s supposed to come up with a way to find Pettigrew and stop him. He shouldn’t be contemplating his sexuality and his maybe-crush on Malfoy. The only problem is that Malfoy is on Harry’s mind. He keeps drifting back to him. And no ideas on how to find Pettigrew pop into mind. Or how to even stop him. Will Harry have to kill him? Would Harry do that to save his family? He’s never killed anyone before. It changes you. That is what James once said. That the war changed them the most because they had to kill to survive. Harry doesn’t want to change. But he also can’t have Neville or Iris in danger.

“I can’t have Neville going after Pettigrew,” Harry says.

Hermione closes her book again and nods. “I know,” she says. “This idea of going after him is silly. And dangerous.”

Harry shakes his head. “You don’t understand,” he says. “I need to get to the rat before Neville does.”

Hermione sighs. “Harry, don’t be an idiot,” she says. “You are just as incapable of stopping a criminal as Neville. And he will never get into Hogwarts. It’s well guarded.”

Harry shakes his head. “You don’t know him, Hermione. He’s got his ways,” he says.

“You and Neville keep saying that, but you won’t explain,” Hermione says. “What ways does he have?”

Harry opens his mouth and then shuts it again. He can’t say it. He will get a lot of people in trouble if he does. Mostly his dad and his Uncle Sirius.

“What is it?” Hermione asks. She narrows her eyes again.

“I can’t tell you,” Harry says. “I promised dad. It has to do with how Pettigrew got out of Azkaban. Dad told me.”

“Your dad thinks Pettigrew can get into Hogwarts?” Hermione asks. Her face turns a little pale and Harry wishes he hadn’t said anything. He doesn’t want to scare Hermione. It’s already bad enough that he and Neville know how dangerous Pettigrew can be. But maybe it will make her understand that they need to stop him. Before Neville finds him and gets himself killed.

Harry nods and then puts his hand on hers. “He’s not going to hurt any of us,” he says. “We won’t let him.”

“Harry, if he can get in, we need to know how to defend ourselves,” Hermione whispers.

“Why are you whispering?” Harry asks.

“Because others shouldn’t hear,” Hermione says. “It will cause a panic.”

Harry laughs. “I didn’t think you were a drama queen, Hermione,” he says.

Hermione slaps Harry on his arm. “Don’t be mean. I’m not a drama queen,” she says.

They both laugh and the tension is gone for a second. But then Hermione takes Harry’s hand in hers. “Promise me you won’t go after him alone,” she says. “I don’t want to go to your funeral.”

Harry swallows. He doesn’t plan to die. He won’t hurt his family in that way. But he has to stop Pettigrew. The rat will take Neville from him if he doesn’t. And maybe even his Uncle Sirius. Pettigrew sure would like to finish what he started there.

“I can’t, Hermione,” he says.

“Harry, please,” Hermione begs. “Don’t go and do something foolish. Just promise me you won’t. I’ll look up spells and jinxes that can help us if we encounter him. But don’t go looking for him. Please?” Tears are building up in Hermione’s eyes and Harry nods his head. He’s got a weak spot for Hermione. He hates seeing her upset. He will promise this. Not that he will keep the promise. He just won’t mention it again when Hermione is nearby. Or around Neville. And that means he also can’t tell Ron. He’s too close to Hermione these days. Ron will tell her. Harry will do this alone. He will find Pettigrew and stop him, without anyone knowing. Even if it is the last thing he does.

* * *

On Monday, Harry hurries to the library as soon as his classes are done. Only today, he doesn’t move to the back of the library to join Malfoy to do his homework. Instead, he stops in front of Mrs Prince’s desk and takes out Sirius’ letter.

“Do we have any of these books?” Harry asks as he holds out the letter.

Mrs Prince looks up and takes the letter. Harry points to where the list of books starts. He bounces around on his feet as Mrs Prince scans the list. She keeps shaking her head and Harry is afraid that none of the books will be here. Not that it would be the end of the world. Sirius already promised to send them all to Harry if needs be. But if they are here, it will be quicker. And Harry just wants to show Draco some of the books. Draco loves to read. It’s the way he learns.

“I’ve only got the BSL basic for wizardry,” Mrs Prince says. “The others I’ll need to order if you need them.”

“No, that’s fine,” Harry says. “My uncle can send them to me. But could you show me the book you do have?”

Mrs Prince gives the letter back to Harry and stands up. She moves around her desks and starts to walk. They have to go to the stacks at the back of the library. Most books here are dusty and hardly used. Mrs Prince only has to look for a couple of seconds before she spots the book and hands it to Harry.

“You’re helping the Malfoy boy?” she asks.

Harry looks around. “I’m just,” he starts. He knows Malfoy doesn’t want anyone else to know that he’s deaf. Only Mrs Prince already seems to know. Maybe she heard it from one of the teachers.

“Don’t be so surprised, Mr Potter,” Mrs Prince says. “Mr Malfoy has been in this library almost daily for the last two years. It didn’t take long before I realised he can’t hear it when I speak to him. He never complains that I found another way to tell him it’s closing time.”

“He doesn’t want anyone to know,” Harry says. He looks around again, but there seems to be no other students in sight. This part of the library hardly ever gets used.

“That’s foolish,” Mrs Prince says. “But then again, his father was always a foolish boy.” Mrs Prince shakes her head in disapproval.

“I wouldn’t know, Mrs Prince,” Harry tells her. Even though he also doesn’t like Malfoy’s father all that much. He’s the reason why Malfoy doesn’t want anyone else to know he’s deaf. And that is just plain wrong. But he won’t say that out loud. It will only upset Malfoy. And that is the last thing Harry wants.

“Thank you for the book,” Harry says. He lifts the book in the air and smiles at Mrs Prince. “I’m sure it will help.”

“You’re a good lad, Mr Potter,” Mrs Prince says. She turns and walks back to the front of the library.

Harry opens the book and smiles. The first page explains some basics about sign language and how it varies per country. And then it starts with some basic signs, like yes and no. But soon the topics are all wizard based. How to sign potion ingredients and how to sign the names of spells and charms. Harry doesn’t even know most of these. There is even a chapter about Quidditch terms. These are more familiar, as they are ones he uses often, as Quidditch is a popular topic at his home. He wonders if Malfoy likes Quidditch, or if he won’t think these signs would be worth the trouble of learning. Harry hopes he does. It’s Harry’s favourite pastime and he would love to share that with Malfoy.

Harry closes the book and makes his way to their usual table. Malfoy will be there, and Harry wants to show him this book. And tell him that they can go and practice BSL in the DADA classroom. Uncle Remus told Harry they could use it as a place to practice. That way, nobody will be able to see what Malfoy and he are up to.

Malfoy sits bent over a book. His quill slides in quick notions over the parchment next to him. Harry smiles as he sits opposite Malfoy and pulls out some parchment of his own.

‘I know you don’t want anyone to know, but my uncle, Professor Lupin, has told his husband about you,’ Harry writes. ‘He’s deaf too and he sent me a list with books that might be helpful for you. Most of them aren’t in this library, but I can ask him to send the books if you want.’

Harry places the note on top of the wizard BSL book and slides them towards Malfoy. Malfoy looks at the book and the note but doesn’t read it yet. He points a finger to his parchment and Harry nods his understanding. Malfoy smiles and then continues his work. Harry opens his bag and takes out some of his homework and sets to work. Time ticks by and they work in silence. When Malfoy is done with his essay, he puts his quill down and picks up Harry’s note. He doesn’t answer. He takes the book in his hands and studies the front. Then he opens it and leaves through it. His face doesn’t show what he thinks about it. Harry hopes it’s not bad. Malfoy loves books. Sure he will love a book about something he wants to learn. He will probably learn BSL quicker by reading that book than with what Harry can show him.

Malfoy moves the book to the side and starts to write. ‘How is this going to help me, when none of the teachers know these signs?’

‘Professor Lupin and Professor Snape know them,’ Harry writes. ‘And Neville and I can translate in classes we share.’

Malfoy bites on his lip and shakes his head. ‘So, I will be able to talk to you, Longbottom and two teachers,’ he writes. ‘I don’t think that’s worth the effort. I have to concentrate on my school work.’

Harry runs his hand through his hair as he reads Malfoy’s words. Does he truly want to give up before he even starts? That is just stupid.

‘Don’t be a fool,’ Harry writes. ‘There are other people who understand BSL. And some of the basic signs are easy to learn. I’m sure your friends will want to make some effort.’

Harry doesn’t know if Malfoy has any friends. He always seems to be alone. But now that Harry is his friend, Ron, Neville and Hermione will soon follow. They will get along with Malfoy. And Ron and Hermione will learn. Harry doesn’t doubt that.

Malfoy looks away for a second before he turns back to the parchment they’re using to communicate. ‘What’s BSL?’ he writes.

‘It stands for British Sign Language,’ Harry writes. ‘My entire family is fluent in it.’

Malfoy rolls his eyes. Harry laughs at him. He knows it’s strange. That in most families, not everyone takes the time to learn BSL when someone becomes deaf. Harry doesn’t get that. He loves that his uncle can be an active part of their family.

‘Because of your uncle?’ Malfoy writes.

Harry nods his head. ‘Yes,’ he writes. ‘He lost his hearing about 12 years ago. It’s the only way he can understand what we’re saying.’

‘How did he lose his hearing?’ Draco writes. He keeps his eyes on the parchment as Harry writes his response.

‘A bad curse in the aftermath of the war,’ Harry writes. ‘He tried to bring in Pettigrew, the convict that escaped this summer. He can hear some low tones from time to time, but that is all.’ Harry looks up at Malfoy and wonders. ‘Can you hear anything at all?’

Malfoy shakes his head. ‘I was born deaf,’ he writes.

‘That must suck,’ Harry writes.

Malfoy smiles. ‘I like it this way. Nothing to distract me. I think sound would be annoying most of the time,’ he writes.

Harry thinks about it. What would it be like to never hear a single thing? Yes, sounds can be distracting. But then, there are sounds Harry wouldn’t want to live without. The sound of his mother’s singing is one of them.

‘It can be,’ Harry writes. ‘But the sound of a cheering stadium when I catch the Snitch, or the sounds of a good storm. I think I would miss those.’

‘I’ve never known them, so I don’t miss them,’ Malfoy writes. He bites on his bottom lip again. Harry finds it cute when Malfoy does that. It causes all these weird feelings inside Harry’s stomach that Harry doesn’t know what to do with.

‘And don’t you go catching the Snitch in the upcoming match,’ Malfoy writes. His eyes darken a little before a smile shows up on his face.

Harry grins and takes his quill. ‘You don’t want Gryffindor to win?’ Harry writes. He’s laughing as he slides the parchment back to Malfoy who just rolls his eyes and points to his tie.

‘I’m still a Slytherin,’ he writes. ‘Of course, I don’t want your house to win.’

Harry laughs out loud, and Draco chuckles without a sound. Harry sees a sparkle in Malfoy’s eyes and Harry’s stomach flips a little when he spots it. He closes his eyes briefly and shakes his head. He can’t get a proper crush on Malfoy. He’s supposed to help him, not scare him away. He focuses on the parchment between them and changes the subject.

‘Professor Lupin said we can use his classroom to practice BSL,’ he writes. ‘I thought you would prefer that. Then nobody can see.’

Malfoy nods and then packs away his things, including the book about wizard BSL. He stands up and motions for Harry to follow him. Harry rushes to put his things away and together they walk to the DADA classroom. When they get there Malfoy takes out a new piece of parchment and a quill and hands them to Harry. Harry gets right down to business.

‘Let’s start with the simple yes and no,’ Harry writes. Malfoy nods and then looks as Harry makes the sign for yes. ‘This is yes,’ he writes as he shows it again. It’s a simple sign. Just a fist with the thumb on top that nods. Malfoy repeats it a couple of times.

‘You got it?’ Harry writes. Malfoy nods his fist and they both smile.

‘Okay, cool. Now let’s practice no,’ Harry writes.

Harry makes the same fist again, but this time shakes it a little, just as you would shake your head. Malfoy copies the movement.

They continue with the words maybe, you, me, please and thank you.

‘Which idiot thought it was a smart idea to make please and thank you the same?’ Malfoy writes down.

Harry laughs and Malfoy rolls his eyes. ‘I don’t know,’ Harry writes. ‘Maybe it’s because they have similar meanings.’

Malfoy writes that’s still stupid. Then they go over a couple of more words. Harry teaches Malfoy the signs for understand, don’t understand and goodbye. Malfoy makes notes of the movements and they practice all the signs one more time before they pack away the parchment and go down to dinner. Malfoy goes to sit at the Slytherin table, while Harry joins his friends at the Gryffindor table. He watches how Malfoy eats his meal in solitude. None of the other Slytherins pay him any attention.

“Where have you been this afternoon?” Ron asks.

“Doing my homework with Malfoy and practising BSL with him,” Harry answers. He won’t be able to keep it from his friends and Hermione was right. Ron and Neville won’t make fun of it.

“So, you convinced him to let you help him?” Ron asks with his mouth filled with food that he should chew.

“No, he didn’t, Ron. He’s forcing Malfoy against his will,” Neville says.

Hermione and Harry laugh when Ron’s eyes widen. “Oh, shut up, both of you,” Ron says when he realises that Neville was joking.

The conversation turns to other topics and Harry enjoys the time with his friends. They retreat to the Gryffindor common rooms and play some chess. Harry still sucks at it and Ron beats him with ease. After the game, he relaxes on the sofa, with his head in Hermione’s lap. She’s reading a new book. Harry looks at the cover and can’t help but smile. It’s a book about how to adjust to life with a deaf family member. Malfoy might not be family, but he’ll be one of their friends. And maybe one day something more. Harry closes his eyes and thinks back to Malfoy’s smile. The sparkle in his eyes. And his pink lips. Harry wonders if they will be soft if he kisses them.

“What are you smiling about?” Neville asks. “You’re dreaming of winning the Quidditch cup again.”

Harry can feel his cheeks heat up. He can’t tell them that he was thinking about kissing Malfoy. Harry isn’t even sure yet what it all means. And he can’t have it be known that he might not be as straight as people believe him to be. So, he says yes quickly and then turns the subject to the chess match between Ron and Neville. Both Neville and Hermione look at him like they know that he’s lying, but they both don’t say a word. Harry fakes a yawn and then claims that he’s tired and heads off to bed before any of them can start asking difficult questions.

* * *

Remus looks up from the work on his desk when Harry walks into his office.

“Don’t we knock anymore?” he asks with a smile on his face.

Harry looks back at the door and shrugs. “Sorry,” he says without meaning it.

“I’m your teacher here, Harry,” Remus says. “You can’t just walk into my office without permission.”

“Yeah, fine,” Harry says. “I’ll remember next time.”

Remus is an amazing teacher. Much better than all of the Defence teachers Harry’s had so far. But it’s also strange. To him, the professor at the front of the class is just his Uncle Remus. The husband of Harry’s godfather. Harry used to come over to their place for sleepovers and adventures and still loves hanging out at their place when he’s sick of his family and needs a break.

“You don’t like me being your teacher,” Remus says. “Lily warned me this would happen.”

Harry sits down on one of the empty chairs. The office is filled with books and cool creatures. Harry wonders which will feature in one of their classes in the coming weeks.

“It’s okay,” Harry says. “I forget sometimes, that’s all. And I hate calling you sir.”

Remus smiles. “Iris calls me uncle. You’re allowed to do the same. And Neville too if he wants.”

Harry nods his head. Calling Remus uncle in class also feels wrong. He’ll just have to get used to the fact that his uncle is now his teacher. Something moves in a big tank at the back of the office. Harry points at it. “What’s in there?” he asks.

“Oh, that’s a Grindylow,” Remus says. “We’ll be talking about them in your next class. You want to take a closer look?”

Harry gets up and walks to the aquarium. A strange creature floods around it, with scary legs. “It looks ugly,” Harry says.

Remus laughs. “Yes, I guess it does. It’s not very friendly either.”

“I guessed that, as he’s part of the Defence Against the Dark Arts class,” Harry says. He takes another look and then walks back to his seat. He scrapes his throat. “I wanted to ask you something,” he says.

Harry’s been thinking, and there must be other ways he can help Malfoy. He just hopes his uncle won’t ask why Harry’s top priority seems to be Malfoy these days. Ron already complained he never sees Harry anymore outside of class. Which is crazy. Harry joins them each day for dinner and goes to the common room with them after. He only spends his afternoons with Draco. And maybe last Saturday, after his Quidditch practice. And this morning after breakfast. It’s just easier to do his homework when he’s with Malfoy than when he sits with Ron, Neville and Hermione. He always gets distracted by all the questions Ron asks.

“And what is that?” Remus says with a smile on his face.

“It’s about Malfoy,” Harry says.

“What about him?” Remus asks. His face doesn’t show anything. Harry wishes he could know what his uncle thinks. Does he suspect, just as Neville and Hermione?

“I was just wondering,” Harry says. “He studies hard but he still gets low grades. It’s just, he doesn’t talk and he…” Harry isn’t sure how to put it. No matter how he says it, it will sound bad. He looks back to the aquarium where the Grindylow moves around.

“He struggles with casting spells?” Remus asks.

Harry nods. “Yes, I’ve never seen him cast anything,” he says, glad his uncle knows what Harry was on about. “But I’ve seen him practising the movements of the charms we are working on. I think that’s why he doesn’t want to go to your classes. Because you always make us use magic.”

Remus nods and pulls a book from one of the shelves. “I’ve dug up some of the books I read when Sirius just lost his hearing. I think there was something in one of them about mute wizards learning how to cast.” He leafs through the book and then shakes his head. “Not this one. I can’t remember where I read it.”

“But there are ways? For him to learn?” Harry asks. He shoots to the edge of his seat. This is good news. Malfoy will be able to get better grades and his father won’t be so upset with him anymore.

“Yes, I believe there are,” Remus says. “Professor Flitwick would know. He mentioned he was looking into it. And he’s a smart man. I’ll talk with him.”

“Thank you,” Harry says. “That is great.”

Remus gets that look on his face when he’s about to say something Harry won’t like. “Harry, I can’t guarantee that Draco is willing to put in the extra work,” he says.

“What do you mean?” Harry asks. “Why wouldn’t he?”

“Harry, he’s not happy about all the extra attention,” Remus says. “Professor Snape told me that his father, Mr Malfoy, has complained about it too,” Remus says.

Harry feels his blood boil. “His father is an idiot,” he says. “Malfoy has been struggling in school for two years because that man thinks nobody is allowed to know that his son is deaf. Malfoy needed extra help, and nobody gave it to him. Teachers just thought he was a difficult boy who doesn’t want to study. But he’s not. He studies harder than any of us. Even more than Hermione, and that is saying something. Malfoy’s always reading school books and uses all his free time to learn more. Mrs Prince said he’s in the library almost every day. She noticed what was going on with him. So why did nobody else?”

Remus stands and walks around his desk. He puts his hand on Harry’s shoulder. Harry blinks and is surprised that his eyes are moist. He’s just so angry.

“Harry, it’s okay,” Remus says in a gentle voice. “We know now. And we will help Malfoy as much as possible. But he has to want it. We can’t make decisions for him.”

Remus has a point. Harry will admit that. But it’s all so unfair. Malfoy is smart. And nobody gets to see it. Just because his father doesn’t want him to be deaf.

“It’s wrong,” Harry says.

“What is?” Remus asks with a frown on his face.

“That his father acts as if he isn’t deaf,” Harry says. “He’s supposed to be the one to help him the most. And the only thing he does is make it worse.” A tear escapes Harry’s eye and he hurries to wipe it away before Remus will notice.

Remus crouches so he can look Harry in the eyes. He gives Harry a soft smile. “Harry, some families are different than ours,” he says. “Not all parents are supportive of their children. You know that Sirius’ parents didn’t support him. And more families are that way.”

“I know,” Harry says. “It’s still wrong.”

“Yes, it is. But we can’t change that,” Remus says. “The only thing we can do is try to help. By giving Malfoy a choice, not by forcing him to do anything. No matter how badly you want to help him.”

“I should have talked to him first,” Harry says. He understands now. He’s been making choices for Malfoy, deciding what is best for him, without asking or considering Malfoy’s feelings. He’s been a fool. And Malfoy will hate him for going behind his back.

“Maybe. But you can still talk to him,” Remus says. “We haven’t done anything yet. And I can wait until you have discussed it with Malfoy before I talk to professor Flitwick, if you want.”

“Thank you, Uncle Remus,” Harry says.

Remus stands up and then pulls Harry in a weird sideways hug. “Harry. I might be your teacher now, I’m also still your uncle. You can always come to me when you need help.”

“I will,” Harry says as he stands up too. “But I need to go now,” he says. He looks at the door.

“Go,” Remus says with a wave of his hand. “Go talk to Malfoy and let me know what he wants.”

Harry doesn’t need any more encouragement and almost runs out of Remus’ office.

* * *

Harry runs all the way to the library. He’s sure Malfoy will be there. They meet there every day after class, so they can do their homework together.

When Harry reaches the library, he slows down. He wants to run towards the back. But he knows he has to walk at an acceptable pace if he doesn’t want Mrs Prince to kick him out as soon as he enters. And Harry needs to talk to Malfoy, clear up the mess he just made by going to Uncle Remus without Malfoy’s consent. Not that Harry regrets it, because if Uncle Remus is right, then Malfoy might be able to finally cast some proper spells.

Malfoy sits at their usual spot. He doesn’t even look up when Harry slides onto the chair next to him. He just pushes a book towards Harry and then continues his scribbles. Harry picks up the book and laughs when he sees it’s about potions. He leafs through it and sighs. It’s mostly text. A lot of text.

With dread, Harry pulls a piece of parchment out of his bag and starts to write. ‘You want me to read this?’ he asks.

Malfoy glances at the note. He makes a fist with his thumb on top and nods it.

‘I hate reading,’ Harry writes.

‘Don’t care,’ Draco writes. ‘You want to get better at Potions, then you need to read this.’

Harry rolls his eyes and then writes: ‘You’re evil.’

Malfoy smiles at Harry. His fist comes up again but now he shakes it. Harry gives a huge smile back. He’s proud of how Malfoy is using the signs Harry taught him. It stirs something inside Harry. It gives him the urge to lean forward and kiss Malfoy. But he can’t do that. Not now they’ve just become friends. Harry needs to do this the right way. He needs to talk, to find out what Malfoy likes. And then maybe, if Harry can find that Gryffindor courage again. For now, he just takes a deep breath. He has something to sort out first.

Harry rubs his fist over his chest. “I’m sorry,” he says. And then he pulls the parchment to him again. ‘I’ve done something behind your back that I should have talked to you about first,’ he writes.

Malfoy stares at the parchment and then starts to pack his things away. He leans over the parchment and starts to scribble. His arm blocks the writing and Harry has no idea which words Malfoy puts down. He only knows it’s a lot because Malfoy’s quill keeps scribbling.

Harry looks up and watches as Malfoy blinks with his eyes, over and over again. He might be on the brink of tears. Harry can’t have that. He swallows deep and then grabs another piece of parchment. He needs to explain. He knows he screwed up and that he upset Malfoy. Malfoy’s going to leave and Harry will never be able to do his homework sitting next to him again. He has to stop Malfoy. He needs to get him to hear Harry out. Malfoy needs to understand that nothing happened yet. So, Harry takes his quill and starts to write as quick as he can.

‘I asked Professor Lupin, my uncle, if he knows of ways for you to learn to cast. Because I think you can’t. And if you can, I’m sorry. That’s why I should have talked to you first. And also to hear if you want any extra help with this. Lupin told me to go talk to you first. But he thinks that Professor Flitwick might be able to help. Lupin said he’s been reading up on how to teach deaf wizards to master magic. He could help you. But Lupin won’t go talk to him until you say it’s okay. I’m sorry. I really am. I should have come to you first. I just want to help. I don’t want to make it worse.’

Harry grabs Malfoy’s arm to get his attention. Malfoy looks up from his scribbling. His mouth stands in a flat line and his eyes are dark, a thunderstorm ready to shake up the world. Harry holds his note in front of Malfoy and says a silent prayer to Merlin that Malfoy will read it and won’t leave.

Malfoy’s eyes scan over the note. Harry can’t stop watching them move. The thunderstorm in them calms down a little as Malfoy goes over the note a second time. Harry doesn’t look away until Malfoy hits him on his head.

Harry laughs out loud until he spots Mrs Prince on the other side of the clearing with tables. He pushes his hand in front of his mouth and hopes that Mrs Prince will leave them be. She shakes her head and then walks away without saying a word.

‘You’re an idiot,’ Malfoy writes. He takes his note (or more his letter seeing the number of words already on the parchment) and folds it up and puts it in his bag. Harry wonders what was on it. What did Malfoy think Harry had done?

“Sorry,” Harry signs again.

‘It’s fine. I can talk to Professor Flitwick and see if he can help,’ Malfoy writes.

‘You will?’ Harry asks. He had expected more protest. But it seems that now that Malfoy has decided that he deserves some extra help, he is fine with receiving it.

‘Yes, I will,’ Malfoy writes. ‘When you‘ve finished the first four chapters of the potions book I just gave you.’

‘See, you are EVIL. Even Hermione doesn’t make me read books this thick,’ Harry writes.

Malfoy’s eyes glitter as he reads Harry’s words. Harry watches them as Malfoy writes his response.

‘That explains why you are so lousy at every subject that is more difficult than Divination,’ Malfoy writes

‘I suck at Divination,’ Harry writes. ‘I just predict Neville’s demise all the time. That seems to cheer Trelawney up the most.’

Malfoy laughs silently and shakes his head. He takes his homework back out of his bag and Harry opens up the potions book Malfoy wants him to read. When he’s read the first two chapters, he takes out his homework. His Potions homework is hell, and Harry asks Malfoy for his help. Malfoy shows him where he can find the information he needs. He doesn’t give Harry any straight answers but makes him work for it. Harry hates this, but also finds it adorable. Malfoy wants Harry to learn things for himself. It is something Uncle Remus would do. And that is a good thing, isn’t it? Because if Malfoy is a little like Uncle Remus, he might not be grossed out by the fact that Harry kind of wants to hold Malfoy’s hand.

The afternoon goes by quickly. Harry takes the potions book with him and reads two more chapters that evening. Now Malfoy will have to go talk to Professor Flitwick about casting wordlessly. Hermione shakes her head when she sees him with his nose in a book but doesn’t say a word. She just sits down with a book while Neville and Ron play a game of chess. The next day Harry slides down next to Malfoy during Potions. Malfoy doesn’t mind and together they manage to make a decent Shrinking Solution. It’s the start of a habit. In all the classes they share, Harry and Malfoy end up next to each other. Ron complains a couple of times when he arrives late to History of Magic and finds that he has to sit alone because his friends have grouped up already. But otherwise, none of Harry’s friends say anything about this new and blooming friendship.

The best thing is when Malfoy shows up for DADA and motions to Neville that he needs to go find a different spot.

“Good to see you again, Malfoy,” Neville says as he stands up and slides down next to Lavender who swoons all over him. Harry will have to thank him later for this sacrifice.

Uncle Remus pretends as if Malfoy hasn’t missed multiple lessons. He just gives Malfoy a note that he wants to talk to him at the end of class. Harry helps Malfoy with the assignment of the day. Malfoy can’t cast, but he practises the movement and that is good enough for now. Harry waits for him after class and they walk to the library together. Malfoy explains that he has to do some extra work to catch up on the subjects he missed. Harry helps him with the work and before they know it, they are extremely late for dinner and Harry has to run to not be late for his Quidditch practice.

* * *

Chapter Text

Harry looks around the pitch. He sits high up in the sky on his broom. His red Quidditch robes fly out with the wind. The sun shines and Harry has no trouble spotting the glistering of Malfoy’s hair. It’s not the thing he should be looking for. Harry knows this. But he still can’t believe Malfoy came out to watch the match. The castle is almost empty during matches, and Harry knows Malfoy likes his time alone. Harry doesn’t think he’s ever seen Malfoy come to a match before.

Of course, Malfoy is wearing Slytherin colours. He’s a strange speck of green next to all the red around him. He sits next to Hermione, who looks at Malfoy from time to time. Probably wondering how they ended up with a Slytherin among their midst. Harry just thinks it’s nice. Seeing all his friends together in one place. Supporting him in his favourite pastime.

“Stop staring at the enemy,” Fred shouts when he swings by. He slams his bat against the Bludger that was going straight for Harry.

“We’re in the lead. Go and find that Snitch before Warrington does real damage to Angelina,” he continues.

Harry snaps out of his head. “Sure, will do,” he shouts. Then he takes one more look at Malfoy, who’s staring straight at Harry. Harry smiles and then turns his broom. He circles the pitch and watches for that gold shimmer. It’s nowhere to be seen. The only shimmer Harry spots is Malfoy’s hair. It hangs loosely around Malfoy’s face and swings around in the wind. He should wear it loose like this more often. It looks good on him.

“Harry, come on. Stop smiling at your new boyfriend and find that bloody Snitch.” It’s George that circles him this time.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Harry shouts back. “And I’m looking. I can’t help it that Malfoy’s hair has the same shine as the Snitch.”

“Whatever you say. Just catch the Snitch already,” George shouts before he’s off to aim a Bludger at Flint who tries to score for Slytherin.

It isn’t until the sky turns darker and when rain clouds hide the sun that Harry does spot the Snitch. High in the clouds the little golden ball swings from left to right. Harry looks at Zabini, but it’s clear he hasn’t spotted the Snitch. Zabini is lower by the ground and Harry is sure that there is no way Zabini will ever catch up to him if he goes after the Snitch now. And the scores are good. Gryffindor will win when Harry catches the Snitch now.

Harry takes a better hold of his broom and points it upwards. The Snitch goes into the cloud and Harry follows it. Cold rain slashes against his face, but Harry doesn’t take his eyes off the Snitch. It’s so close. Harry stretches out his arm and speeds up a little more.

The sky turns cold and Harry can see his breath. It’s hard to see with the dark cloud around him, blocking his view. He shivers and just misses the Snitch by an inch.

For a second the sky is lit up by the flash of thunder. Harry loses sight of the Snitch as he spots the creatures all around him. Did Harry fly out off the grounds that they are here? Harry has no idea. He can’t see where he is. The sky around him is dark again. Harry isn’t even sure which way is up or down. He turns and takes a guess. He needs to get out of here before the Dementors go after him. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened on the train. He doesn’t want to feel that lost again. But he’s alone. And nobody will stop them. He will break his parents’ hearts when he comes back home without his soul.

Harry’s hands are turning blue from the cold and he struggles to hold on to his broom. The Dementors come closer. Harry can see them now, even in the dark. Screams enter Harry’s mind. His mother’s screams. Of that night when she was tortured. Harry can hardly remember. He was too small to know what was happening. But now he can hear it all. The pain and despair of his mother. It makes it harder to concentrate. Which way is down?

A Dementor passes close and Harry feels himself slip. He tries to lock himself on his broom with his feet, but it’s too late. He falls off the broom and plummets to the ground. The wind rushes by Harry and he screams. He closes his eyes and hopes he won’t die today.

His mother’s screams die away. Blond hair and grey eyes pop into his mind. Malfoy smiling from the stands. Malfoy helping him figure out his Potions assignment. Malfoy butchering the sign for Harry’s name. Malfoy scribbling down that his name is Draco, not Malfoy. Harry telling him to figure out a sign for it so Harry can call out to him during breakfast. The faint blush on Malfoy’s face and then that sweet smile.

Harry can’t die today. He has to get his wand out and slow down. He has to tell Draco that he likes him. Because Harry does. He likes Draco. It’s more than just an urge to kiss him. It’s everything. Every minute spent together. Every skipped heartbeat because of Draco. And Harry won’t let that slip away just because he fell off his broom.

The air rushes past Harry as he pulls his wand out of his sleeve. He has no idea what kind of spell he should use. He tries Wingardium Leviosa, in the hope he can make himself float. Of course, it doesn’t work. Tears well up in Harry’s eyes. He doesn’t want to die. Not like this. Not when he’s just figured out that he wants Draco to be his boyfriend. That he wants to take him out on a proper date. And maybe even take him home to his parents.

Something hits Harry. It’s not the ground and he starts to slow down. He opens his eyes and spots the stands in the distance. He can see Draco’s blond hair next to Hermione’s big bush of curls. They must be so scared. Harry wants to shout that it will all be okay. But when he opens his mouth, the ground collides with him. His head bounces on the grass and then the world goes black.

* * *

Harry knows he’s not dead. He can hear Iris' soft cries and Hermione telling her everything will be all right. Ron complains that he’ll be late for dinner. If this was heaven, they all wouldn’t be here. And his body hurts too much for it to be dead. His back aches and his head is pounding. Maybe if Ron would just shut up about dinner.

“I almost died and you’re worried about dinner,” Harry says. His voice is croaky.

A hand grabs Harry’s and when Harry opens his eyes Iris hangs over him. “You’re alive,” she says.

Harry rolls his eyes but says yes anyway. Iris’ eyes are red and Harry never meant to make her worry. Neville pulls her back a little so that Harry can look around him. Hermione and Ron stand at the end of the bed. Ron’s face is redder than usual and Harry is glad Ron at least feels a little bad about wanting to rush off to dinner. And then someone on his other side moves. Harry turns his head and then has to close his eyes when the world starts to spin.

“Harry? You’re okay?” Neville asks. “I can get Madam Pomfrey if you need her.”

“Just dizzy,” Harry answers as he opens his eyes again. He looks at Draco, sitting next to his bed. Draco is pale. Well, he’s always pale, but now he’s even paler. He has his hands clasped together on his lap and Harry wants to reach out and hold them. He wants to assure Draco that he’s all right.

“Are you in any pain?” Hermione asks. “Madam Pomfrey said you might still hurt. I can go get her so she can give you some pain potion.”

Harry doesn’t look at her. His eyes are locked with Draco’s. Draco lifts his hands and signs “You okay?” Harry nods his head and then smiles. Then he points towards Draco. Draco first nods but then he shakes his head. He grabs his bag and pulls out his parchment and quill.

“Let’s go get some dinner,” Neville says. “We don’t want Ron to go hungry.”

Iris doesn’t let go of Harry’s hand. “I don’t want to go,” she says. “I’m not hungry.”

“We can visit again later,” Neville says. He lays his arms around her shoulders. “Let’s let Harry get some rest.”

Harry looks at Iris and Neville. He squeezes Iris’ hand softly. “I’m fine, Iris. You don’t have to worry,” he says.

“Yes, I do,” Iris says. “They called mum and dad. For a moment we all thought you were dead. I don’t want you to be dead.”

“I’m not dead,” Harry assures her. “Just a little dizzy, that’s all.” And in pain, but Harry won’t say that until Iris has left this room. He will ask Draco to get Madam Pomfrey when the others are gone.

“No, but I think dad is already on his way,” Neville says. “He’ll be here shortly. You know how he is.”

“Great,” Harry says. He doesn’t want to talk to his dad. He needs to talk to Draco. Alone. Harry looks at Draco again.

“So, dinner,” Neville says. He pulls Iris to her feet and turns her towards the doors. When he passes Harry, their eyes lock and Neville only nods. He knows. Of course, he knows. And he’s the best brother in the world for getting Iris, Hermione and Ron out of the way. Harry will have to thank him later.

And then they are alone. Draco pushes his parchment into Harry’s hands and Harry bites his top lip while he reads.

‘You can never do that again! If it wasn’t for Headmaster Dumbledore you would be dead. And I can’t lose my best friend. I already lost one before. I can’t do that again. And I haven’t even shown you the sign I came up with for my name. I need you to learn to say my name.’

Harry smiles. His heart beats in his throat. Draco doesn’t want him to die. Because he calls Harry his best friend. The smile falls from his face. Harry is just Draco’s best friend. Harry can’t tell him what he feels for Draco. It will ruin their friendship. Draco just said it. They are just best friends. Nothing more and nothing less. Harry is gay and falling for a straight boy. But he’s gay. There’s no doubt about that. Harry has known for a while, but now he’s a hundred percent sure. Because his heart has just shattered into a million pieces. He’s only Draco’s best friend.

‘I’m sorry,’ Harry writes. ‘I won’t do it again.’ He wants to change the subject, forget that the boy he’s falling for will never love him back. ‘So, what is the sign you came up with?’ he asks.

Draco smiles at Harry and then hugs him out of nowhere. Harry doesn’t know what to do. He wants to hug Draco back, but he’s afraid he will do something embarrassing if he does. He will smell Draco’s hair, or try to kiss him, and what will Draco think of that? Then he will still lose his best friend. And Harry won’t blame him. If Hermione would kiss him, he would also run the other way screaming. Not that she knows that Harry never wants to kiss a girl in his life. He should tell them. Ron and Hermione. And Neville. They will understand. They can help Harry get over this silly crush of his. Because he needs to get over it. He doesn’t want to lose Draco as a friend.

When Draco sits back down, he points at himself and then makes this strange movement with his hand. It looks a little like the sign for a dragon, but it’s slightly different. He still opens all his fingers when his fist comes away from his mouth, but instead of that just being it, Malfoy turns his hand around.

‘You looked up dragon in that book I gave you?’ Harry writes.

“Yes,” Draco signs.

‘Do the movement again,’ Harry writes and Draco again moves his hand. Harry tries to mimic him but messes up the turn. Draco makes the movement again, but only slower and when Harry messes up again he just grabs for Harry’s hand and helps him make the movement.

They practice for a little while and then Harry gets it. He likes the feeling of Draco’s name on his hands. He wants to sign it all the time now.

‘Did we lose?’ Harry writes after some time of silence.

Draco confirms and Harry drops his head. ‘Wood is going to kill me,’ he writes.

‘But Flint worships you now,’ Draco writes. ‘They would never have won. Zabini is a horrible Seeker.’

Harry laughs. It’s what everyone says. Slytherin needs a better Seeker if they want a shot at the championship this year. Only now, Harry has given them a golden platter and a shot at the Quidditch Cup this year.

‘My dad is going to be upset,’ Harry writes. ‘He hates it when we lose to Slytherin.’

‘Your dad is going to be delighted to know you’re not dead,’ Malfoy writes.

Harry nods. Draco smiles and Harry wants to kiss the smile right off his face. It’s the cutest thing Harry has ever seen. And if it was up to him, he would see it all the time. Harry will make it his mission to make sure that Draco has no more reasons to be upset or sad. And maybe he should tell his dad. Before he tells his friends and Iris. Yes, Harry can do that. He can tell his dad that he’s gay. He should be the first one to know. Well, the second, as it looks as if Neville already knows without Harry having to say a single word. But still, this is something Harry can do. It’s easier than to try to forget that Draco will never feel for him the way Harry does.

Harry stares at Draco. At his soft smile. His grey eyes and blond hair. He’s so beautiful. And so strong and brave for facing all his struggles alone for so long. Harry never wants Draco to be alone again.

“If you ever scare your mother and sister like this again, I’m going to have to confiscate your broom,” James says as he steps into the hospital wing.

Harry looks away from Draco and grins at his dad. “I was just going after the Snitch,” he says. “Not my fault the Dementors came too close.”

“Yes, I already yelled at Dumbledore about this,” James says. “And where is Madam Pomfrey. I need a full report on your health.” James walks past Harry and Draco towards Madam Pomfrey’s office.

‘I should go,’ Draco writes.

Harry nods. Yes, Draco should go. Not that Harry wants him to go. But it’s time that Harry said out loud what he’s been thinking for months. And he can’t do that when Draco is here to distract him.

‘Study session in the library tomorrow?’ Harry writes.

Draco agrees and then gets up when James and Madam Pomfrey step out of her office again.

“And you’re sure there will be no lasting damage?” James asks.

“No, the boy will be fine in a couple of hours,” Madam Pomfrey says.

When Draco closes the hospital door behind him, Harry’s head starts to hurt again. He’d forgotten all about it when he was alone with Draco. Harry pushes his hand against his head and then turns to his dad.

“And who is that?” James asks Harry. He nods towards the door.

Harry blushes. This is the moment. If only Madam Pomfrey would just leave. But she fusses over Harry. Asking him some questions. She wants to know if he’s still in pain and if he’s dizzy at all. Harry answers but keeps his eyes on his father who’s taken a seat next to his bed. They will talk in a little while and it will be okay. Even if it means admitting Harry is head over heels for a straight boy from Slytherin.

* * *

Harry sits up a bit when Madam Pomfrey is done with all her check-ups and has given him some potions for the pain and dizziness.

“He’s fine,” she tells James. “I’ll have the house-elves bring him some dinner and then he can go back to his dorm. No need for him to stay here all night. I’m sure his friends want to hear all about his fall from the sky.”

“Yeah,” James says. He looks at Harry and then back at Pomfrey. “I didn’t teach him that,” he says.

“Well, maybe now you understand how your parents felt when you decided to trick around on a broom during a thunderstorm,” Madam Pomfrey says. And that is interesting. Harry doesn’t know about any almost-dead experiences his dad had because of Quidditch. He should ask about it one day. Now he has more important things to discuss with his dad.

“At least I didn’t make us lose an important Quidditch match,” James says.

Harry looks down at his hands. Of course, his dad is going to be upset about the game. It’s the first game Gryffindor has lost since Harry joined the team.

“Be glad it was during a match,” Madam Pomfrey says. “If Dumbledore hadn’t been there to slow his fall, I don’t think we could have been able to save him.”

James reaches out and pets Harry’s hair. “Yeah, I know,” he says.

Harry looks up. James has circles under his eyes and his eyebrows are drawn together. “I’m okay, Dad,” Harry says. He wants to wipe the worried look from his father’s face, but he knows how bad his fall was. He thought himself that he was going to die when he was racing towards the ground.

James pulls Harry against his chest and kisses the top of his head. “Yes, you are,” he says.

Normally, Harry would push his dad away from him as soon as possible. But today is different. His dad needs to hold him for a bit. And Harry needs to be held. He almost died and left them all behind. But he’s still here. Alive and done with keeping his sexuality a secret.

Madam Pomfrey says that she will be in her office if they need her and then walks away. When she’s gone, James places another kiss on top of Harry’s head and then lets go of him.

“You scared the hell out of us,” James says. “Your mother is on duty, so when the news came that you were going to be okay, she stayed behind. It’s busy there tonight.”

“I’m sorry, dad,” Harry says as he lowers his gaze.

“Don’t, this was not your fault,” James says. “I already yelled at Dumbledore and together we yelled at the Minister. Can say, it’s kind of cool to be able to yell at the big boss for once,” James jokes.

Harry laughs. “You’re not going to get fired now?”

“Oh, no. The Minister was all apologetic,” James says. “He said the Dementors weren’t allowed to go onto Hogwarts grounds. You should have heard Dumbledore. He was pretty hard on the Minister. They were still fighting when I left to see you, as I got the news you were awake.”

They are both quiet after that. Harry stares at his hands. They are clasped on his lap, just as Draco’s hands when Harry just woke up.

“And who makes you smile like that?” James asks.

Harry snaps his head up. He wasn’t even aware he was smiling. “Nobody,” he stammers.

“Sure,” James jokes. Harry must be red in the face, he can feel his cheeks heat up.

“There is something I wanted to tell you,” Harry says. He looks to the other side of the hospital wing. He’s the only one here, nobody will overhear. And his dad isn’t going to mind. His two best friends are gay. Sure he can’t have an issue with his son being bent.

James takes one of Harry’s hands. “You can tell me anything, you know that, right,” he says.

“I know,” Harry says. He looks at his hand held by his father’s. “It’s something I’ve known for a while now. I just never said it out loud.”

“You still don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” James says. “You can take all the time you need.”

Harry looks up from his hands. James gives him a reassuring smile. “You already know, don’t you?” Harry asks.

James just nods his head and Harry smiles. “I think Neville also knows,” he says.

“Of course, he does,” James says. “His mother was the same. Nobody could keep secrets from her.” James looks away for a second. Harry wonders how much his parents still miss them. They were all friends before it happened. Both hidden away to try to save their children.

When James looks back at Harry, he knows he needs to say it. Not for his dad, or anyone else, but for himself. He knows this is him and that it’s never going to change. It’s time to stop hiding it and pretending he might one day fall for a girl.

“Dad, I’m gay,” Harry says.

James ruffles Harry’s hair. “Thanks for telling me, kiddo,” he says. “And now, who was that boy that ran out of here the moment I showed up?”

“He’s just a friend,” Harry says.

“Just a friend?” James asks. “That’s why he was still here, alone. All your other friends already gone.”

Harry blushes even more. “It’s complicated.”

“Oh, isn’t it always,” James says. He smirks and Harry wants to hit him.

“Shut up, dad,” he says. “He’s not like me.”

James’ features soften and he reaches out so he can ruffle Harry’s hair again. “Fuck,” he says, “this is worse than when Padfoot came out. At least he wasn’t as clueless as you.”

“I’m not clueless,” Harry protests.

“Did you see how that boy looked at you?” James asks. “Good friends don’t look at each other like that. Trust me.”

Harry shakes his head. “No, dad. He said I was his best friend. I’m just his best friend,” he says.

“I think you have nothing to worry about, Harry,” James says.

Harry shakes his head again. His dad is wrong. There is no way that Draco feels the same way about him.

“Who is he? I don’t think he’s in your house, is he?” James asks.

“No, he isn’t,” Harry says. “He’s in Slytherin.”

James swallows and then utters “Slytherin?”

Harry can only nod. He knows how his dad thinks about people from Slytherin. The same way his Uncle Sirius thinks about them. They both agree that only bad people come from that house. Mum and Uncle Remus always tell them they shouldn’t be so judgemental, but that hasn’t changed a thing. His dad will never see anyone from Slytherin as a decent human being. But he’s wrong. Draco is good, and kind, and sweet, and beautiful.

“He’s not evil,” Harry says.

“You’re sure? He is from Slytherin,” James says.

“Dad, do you think I would hang out with someone if they were cruel?” Harry asks.

“No, you wouldn’t,” James says. “But did it really have to be someone from Slytherin?”

“I didn’t plan to fall for him,” Harry says. “I just wanted to help him.”

“Oh, no, don’t tell me that was the Malfoy boy,” James says.

“His name is Draco,” Harry says. He feels tiny all of the sudden. He shouldn’t have told his dad about his crush. He knew it wasn’t going to go over well. And it’s never going to go anywhere anyway, so it doesn’t even matter.

“Merlin’s beard, Harry,” James says. “You do know how to pick them. A pure-blood, from one of the most stuck-up families. And you wonder why he just calls you his best friend. You do remember your uncle was kicked out of his home when he came out to his parents?”

“I remember,” Harry says.

“And he’s deaf, Harry,” James continues as if Harry hadn’t even responded. “That is. Well, it makes things even more complicated.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Harry asks. “I’m his only friend. And I’ve made it all worse by falling for him. He’s going to hate me and be all alone again. I can’t have him be alone, dad.” Tears well up in Harry’s eyes. James pulls him close again.

“Oh, boy, don’t worry about all that now,” James says. “You only just told me. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops. If you think he isn’t ready to accept that you are gay and have a crush on him, then don’t tell him yet. You’ve only just become friends. And from what I just saw, and what Moony told me, he’s a good friend.”

“He is,” Harry stammers. “But I want to be more than his friend.”

“Sometimes that is where it starts, Harry,” James says. “I had to be friends with your mum first too. She hated me a little at first, but by showing her who I truly was by being her friend, she came to love me. Maybe it will be the same for you.”

“Maybe,” Harry says. He hopes it will be. “You won’t mind if I fall in love with a Slytherin boy?”

“No,” James says in a steady voice. “If he’s who makes you happy, I don’t care. He could have come from Mars and I would still welcome him in my home.”

Harry smiles. “Thanks, dad,” he says.

James pets Harry’s hair again and then sits back. “Can I tell your mum?” he asks.

Harry thinks about it. Harry would love to tell her himself, but he won’t see her until Christmas break. And he isn’t sure if he can keep it a secret for that long. Neville already knows, and it won’t be long before Hermione figures it out. Harry wants to be able to talk to his friends without pretending anymore.

“Yeah, you can,” Harry says.

“She loves you. Already said it about two years ago, that you might be. She’s a smart woman, your mum,” James says. He gets that dreamy look that he gets more often when he thinks of Lily.

“And I love you too, even if you are the idiot that brings Slytherin blood into the family,” James continues.

“Dad,” Harry says, “He’s just my friend.”

James laughs and Harry just shakes his head. Sometimes he hates his dad, no matter how cool and great he is, he’s a tease.

Not long after that, a house-elf pops up with some dinner for Harry and James takes his leave, saying he should check in on Iris and Neville and then report back to the big boss (aka mum). He hugs Harry one more time and then he’s off, leaving Harry alone with his thoughts.

* * *

Neville leans against the small fence at the edge of the path. Harry stops next to him and they both stare at the Shrieking Shack. Hermione was all excited to go see it, as it’s believed to be haunted. Harry and Neville both know better. They’ve heard the stories a million times. About how Uncle Remus needed a place to hide during the full moons when he was a student at Hogwarts. Maybe they should tell Ron. He hasn’t said a word on the way here. He looks around them and keeps a safe distance from the fence. Or maybe Ron shouldn’t be so silly and stop believing in haunted buildings and ghosts that are out to get you. He’s an idiot to believe a word from his brothers Fred and George. He should stop taking them so seriously.

Hermione and Draco walk behind Ron. They are just in front of Harry and Neville and haven’t realised yet that Harry and Neville have stopped. Hermione picks up some snow and forms it into a ball. Harry and Neville laugh as the ball flies through the sky and hits Ron on the back. Ron freezes, probably scared too dead.

“Scared of snow now?” Hermione shouts.

Ron turns and takes a handful of snow. Hermione tries to hide behind Draco, who makes sure he gets out of the way when the snowball flies towards them. Only Hermione believes he’s the perfect shield and it doesn’t take long before one of the snowballs lands on his chest. Draco looks at Ron with a gaping mouth and then looks at his chest where the snow colours his black coat grey. And then he ducks to the ground and makes the perfect snowball and aims it at Ron for revenge.

Harry watches as Draco’s cheeks turn red as he ducks in time for the retaliation. His hair flows around his face and he seems to enjoy himself. There is a twinkle in his eyes as he throws another snowball at Ron. Harry smiles and tries to ignore the aching to move and take Draco in his arms and kiss his pink lips. He glances away from them and sees that Neville doesn’t pay their friends any attention. He stares at the Shrieking Shack as if it holds all the answers.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks.

Neville shakes his head. “Do you think they ever thought Wormtail would betray them as he did?” he asks.

Harry turns so he can look at the Shrieking Shack. “No, I don’t think they ever considered that friends could do something like that,” he says. Wormtail used to join them on the nights Remus needed his friends. He was one of them. He was supposed to fight on their side and help keep Neville and Harry safe. Harry will never understand what could have made Pettigrew betray all his friends and side with Voldemort. Nothing is more important than friends and family.

“You ever worry that our friends could do something so low?” Neville asks.

Harry shakes his head. “They would never,” he says. He looks at Neville and wonders if he still worries. They’ve faced Voldemort twice now in the two years they’ve been at Hogwarts. And it’s clear the man still wants Neville dead. Pettigrew used to be part of his crew. And he’s already been spotted in Hogsmeade once. It’s a miracle they even were allowed to go out to Hogsmeade. Harry wouldn’t have been surprised if their parents would have stopped them for the fear that something might happen to him or Neville.

“That’s what my parents thought,” Neville says. He doesn’t look away from the Shrieking Shack. “They thought that one of their closest friends would never betray them.” He sighs and turns to face Harry. “Sometimes I wonder if Ron or Hermione would be capable of betraying us if their lives depended on it,” he says.

“They would die before they would give us up,” Harry says. They would have run for cover by now if they wouldn’t. They went down the trap door with them and faced danger to keep Voldemort from getting the Philosopher’s Stone. And last year they defended Neville, even when the entire school turned against him. They are here for it all. And they would never betray Neville and Harry. Only Neville doesn’t seem convinced.

“You know this,” Harry says. “They’re not Pettigrew. They’re our Sirius and Remus.”

Neville laughs. “They are more like them than they realise,” he says. “Did you hear Ron talking in his sleep last night?”

“Yes, I did,” Harry says. The soft cries for Hermione were kind of hilarious. Ron says he doesn’t want her in any other way than just friends. But Harry isn’t stupid. The way Ron acted today says it all. He would never volunteer to go to Scrivenshaft’s Quill Shop instead of Zonko’s Joke Shop. He doesn’t care about quills at all. It was just that Hermione wanted to go there so badly. Harry didn’t mind. He was fine going wherever, as long as Draco was tagging along. Draco loved Scrivenshaft’s. He got himself some new quills and fresh parchment. He even found parchment that you can reuse. Everything you write on it disappears after a couple of minutes. It’s perfect for when Draco has to explain something. Not that he has to write down everything anymore. He’s made great progress with his BSL. He can follow more and more of what Harry says to him. It’s nice that he doesn’t always have to write down everything. It’s better to be able to look at each other when they speak.

Harry looks at their friends again. Ron seems to be losing. He’s covered with snow. Malfoy seems to be able to dodge most snowballs. His coat is still mostly black. His cheeks are flushed. He’s beautiful. Harry swallows as his hand moves up to touch his lips.

“You’re staring at Malfoy again,” Neville says.

Harry jumps and glances away. He was all caught up in his thoughts for a moment.

“Just don’t start moaning his name at night, please,” Neville says.

“I won’t moan for him,” Harry says. “We’re just friends.”

“Just as Ron and Hermione?” Neville jokes. “Sure, Harry. I might have a scar above my eye, I’m still not blind.”

Harry shakes his head. “I know you’re not. It’s just. Bloody Merlin, I haven’t even told the others I’m gay.”

“You haven’t told me either,” Neville says.

Harry rocks on his feet and grips his gloved hands together. He stares at them and then takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I know I should have. It’s all so strange, you know.”

“It’s fine,” Neville says in a light tone. “It’s kind of stupid, anyway. So you’re gay, why would that mean you have to tell people. It’s not like I have to make a statement that I’m straight.”

Harry doesn’t know what to say. In a way, Neville is right. Why do you have to come out as gay, but not as straight? It is kind of unfair. As if it isn’t hard enough to figure it all out, and then you have to announce it too. He looks at Neville, at his soft smile and accepting eyes. Harry moves without thinking. He pulls Neville in a quick hug and whispers a thank you before letting him go.

“Ron and Hermione won’t care,” Neville says when Harry looks at their friends. “Ron’s brother is gay and that never seemed to be an issue. And Hermione is all for minority rights, so she can’t be against gay people, can she?” Neville says.

Harry laughs. He never thought about it like that. But yes, he will be part of a minority when he comes out. And Hermione does love to stand up for good causes when it comes to minority groups. “I should tell them,” he says. “But not now. I just want to have a fun day out.”

“And stare at Malfoy some more,” Neville jokes.

Harry pushes Neville to the side. “Don’t be an ass,” he says. “Just because I’ve got a crush doesn’t make him gay.”

“So you do have a crush then?” Neville teases.

“Yes, I do,” Harry says. “I have the hots for Draco Malfoy. You’re happy now?” he snaps. Harry drops his head backwards and looks at the sky. Some clouds have hidden the sun that was shining this morning. It’s a shame. Draco’s hair always lights up so beautifully in the sunlight.

“Should I tell him that if he ever breaks your heart, I’m going to kill him,” Neville says.

Harry looks back at Neville. “Please don’t. He’s not gay. And I don’t want to lose him as a friend.”

Neville holds up his hands. “Don’t worry, I won’t say a word,” he says. “Don’t freak out. Just know you can talk to me if you have to.”

“Are you two just going to stand there and let them bury me in snow?” Ron yells when he gets hit with another two snowballs. His coat is white from all the snow and his hair seems to be soaking by now.

“Use your reflexes, Ron,” Harry shouts back at the same time as Neville picks up some snow and throws it at Hermione.

“It’s bad that you need help defeating a girl and a Slytherin,” Neville says as he grabs some more snow. A snowball hits Draco straight in the face. He sputters and looks horrified. And then he laughs. His entire face lights up and even without any sound, it’s clear he loves this day. Then he spots Harry staring at him and throws his snowball at him instead of Neville. Only Harry’s reflexes are quick enough and he dodges the ball. Then he grabs some snow and joins his friends in the snow fight.

* * *

The fire in the hearth crackles. Harry stares at the flames. It started to snow again this morning when they were at breakfast. The window next to the hearth is covered in white dust. Harry had wanted to go fly some today. Ron was keen to join him, but when the snow started, he backed out. And Harry didn’t want to go alone. He wanted a distraction from his thoughts. And he won’t get that when he goes out all alone. So now he sits in the common room with his friends. Ron and Neville are in front of a chessboard. Hermione sits next to Harry on the sofa with a book on her lap. It’s a normal relaxed Sunday. If only Harry could relax too.

Neville hasn’t said another word about their little talk in Hogsmeade yesterday. Not that Harry is afraid Neville will out him or anything. It’s just weird that more and more people know. Mum had written a long letter to Harry after he told his dad. She went on and on about how brave Harry was for sharing and that she will stand by him no matter what. Harry had smiled when she started about Malfoy and how Harry shouldn’t listen to his father or his Uncle Sirius. Not everyone in Slytherin is horrible. She used Professor Snape as an example, how he is her friend and a good man. Harry doesn’t see that. Professor Snape is horrible. He always takes points from them for no good reason. And he hates that Harry is a better Seeker than his dad ever was, eliminating all chances for Slytherin to win the Quidditch Cup.

Well, maybe they have a chance this year. Harry was stupid enough to fly into a massive rain cloud to catch that Snitch and almost die in the process, allowing Zabini to win the game. Wood won’t shut up about it. It’s not that Harry planned to be cornered by Dementors and fall off his broom and almost die. Fuck, he only flew so high to catch the Snitch. Wood shouldn’t complain. He should be proud that Harry risked his life to win the game. It’s not his fault that Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw will be easy victories. Cho is good, but her team is lousy. She needs to catch the Snitch before they fall too far behind in points, and Harry will make sure that won’t happen. And Harry only ever lets the games against Hufflepuff go on longer than necessary so he can enjoy the view of Digory on a broom. And no lady, or gay man, would be sad about that. The guy is fit. Not as beautiful as Draco, but still hot as hell. The only issue is that Slytherin will also be able to beat them with ease. Even with Zabini as their Seeker. Draco will be happy about it. His house will win this year if Digory can’t get his team to beat Slytherin.

Draco, who is probably in the library. Maybe Harry should go see him. He’s probably alone. On this cold Sunday. Harry sighs and sags further into the sofa. It would be so cool to have Draco in Gryffindor house. He would fit right in. He’s so fucking brave. The way he managed to keep his grades somewhat decent without being able to cast, and without the ability to hear a single word any teacher ever said. And now he’s taking extra lessons with Professor Flitwick to learn how to cast non-verbal. It’s difficult. Harry tried it, and he couldn’t make his spells work without uttering the incantations. But Draco will manage it. He will get better grades and his father will maybe be a bit kinder towards him.

“Who’s winning?” Ginny asks as she drops down next to Harry.

“Not sure,” Harry tells her. He hasn’t paid any attention to the game Ron and Neville play. He’s not even sure it’s still the first game they started.

Ginny shrugs half-heartedly and then bumps her arm against Harry’s. “Luna says Iris is fitting in great, by the way,” she says.

Harry nods. He’s glad that Ginny’s best friend is in Ravenclaw and willing to keep an eye on Iris. Harry will never say it out loud, but he kind of misses her. He was looking forward to having his little sister bothering him all the time. The way she does when Harry is at home. But now that she’s in Ravenclaw, Harry hardly sees her. She’s always off with one of her many friends to study or do some crazy puzzles the older years make for them. Ginny insists they are fun, as she did some together with Luna last year. Harry doesn’t know. Why would anyone want to study even more besides the massive amounts of homework they get on a daily basis?

Ron mutters something and Ginny starts to laugh. Harry looks at the chessboard and shakes his head. “I thought you were the chess champion,” Harry jokes.

“Shut up, Harry,” Ron spits back. “Even champions don’t win all games. You know all about that, as you let Slytherin win the Quidditch match.”

Harry raises his hands. “Sorry I almost died and wasn’t able to win the game.”

“Well, this makes the competition exciting again,” Ginny pipes in.

“Yes, now it matters what Slytherin does against the other teams,” Neville says. “And if they win, with how many points.”

“So Harry, the next game you have to keep Cho off that Snitch for as long as possible, so we can score some proper points,” Ron says.

“Slytherin is going to do the same,” Harry says. He rests his head on the back of the sofa. “The games against Hufflepuff are going to be the deciding factors. And Digory knows this. They’ve been training like crazy so they can defeat Slytherin. Nobody wants the cup in the hands of the snakes.”

“One of those snakes is our friend,” Hermione says without looking up from her book.

“Yes, I was wondering, what is up with that?” Ginny asks. She lays her head on Harry’s shoulder. “Why are you suddenly friends with crazy Malfoy?”

“He isn’t crazy,” Harry says. He nudges his shoulder and Ginny gets the massage. She lifts her head, looks at Harry and raises her eyebrows.

“Sure, not crazy at all. He just never says a word. And then they call Luna loony,” Ginny replies.

Harry wants to smack Ginny. Sometimes she’s a pain in the arse. But she’s Ron’s little sister, and good on a broom. Harry loves playing Quidditch with her on their days off. She will surely get a place on the team when there are openings next year. But she should know not to judge people by their cover. Luna is weird, and looks the part, but she’s a lovely person. Ginny is her friend, she knows that appearances aren’t all that reliable.

“He’s deaf,” Neville says.

Ginny sits up straight. “Oh fuck, that’s why he doesn’t talk?”

“You can’t tell anyone else,” Ron says. “Malfoy doesn’t want others to know.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Ginny says. “Fucking pure-bloods and their stupid ideas about what is normal and acceptable.”

“You’re a pure-blood,” Harry says.

Ginny shoves him so that he falls against Hermione. “Don’t remind me,” she says. She stands up and moves a piece on the chessboard for Neville. “Just so you won’t lose in two more moves,” she says. “And don’t worry, I won’t spill Malfoy’s secret.”

“Ginny, can you stay a little longer,” Harry asks. He pushes a hand through his hair and rubs the back of his neck. Ginny should also hear what he wants to say. He’s been putting it off all morning.

“Why?” Ginny asks.

“Well,” Harry starts. “There’s something I want all of you to know. Something that’s been on my mind lately.”

Ginny plods back to the sofa and pulls her legs under her butt. “Well, be quick. I’m meeting Luna in a bit to go on a hunt for Nargles.”

“Nargles aren’t real,” Hermione says as she puts down her book and looks at Harry with a knowing smile.

“I know, still fun to hunt them,” Ginny says.

Harry wrings his hands together and he sits up a little straighter. “What I wanted to say is, that, well… there is something you should all know.”

“You already said that, mate,” Ron says. “Just spit it out.” The game in front of them is forgotten. Both Ron and Neville stare at Harry.

Harry looks at his trainers. One of the laces is coming loose. Harry leans forward to tighten it.

“Harry, I’m going if you don’t say what’s on your mind right now,” Ginny says.

“Shut up, Ginny,” Neville tells her. “Just hold on a second.”

Ginny sighs but doesn’t move. Harry sits back up and tries to smile at Neville, but his mouth won’t cooperate. This is harder than he expected it to be.

“Yes, the thing is,” Harry stutters. “I just want you all to know that I’m gay.”

Ginny starts to laugh. Ron just stares at Harry like he’s grown a second head. Hermione places her arm around Harry and leans against him. “We already know,” she says.

Harry drops his head to the back of the sofa and moans softly. Why are these people his friends?

“Talk for yourself,” Ron sputters. “Since when do we know this?”

“Since he drooled all over Digory last year during the Quidditch match against Hufflepuff,” Ginny says.

“I didn’t drool,” Harry says. He points a finger at Ginny and pinches her arm. “And I just came out, you’re not supposed to laugh at me.”

Ginny closes her mouth and puts a hand in front of it. She tries to keep her laughter in, but it’s hopeless. And even Harry can’t help himself as he starts to laugh too.

“You two, are the worst people in the world,” Ron says.

“Oh, Ron. Don’t be a drag,” Hermione tells him.

“I’m not a drag,” Ron says. “I’m confused. I thought that the two of them were going to date, get married and all that stuff so Harry could become my brother. With the way they are, always so in tune with each other. It’s scary.”

Harry shakes his head and laughs even louder. The idea of being a couple with Ginny is wrong. All so wrong. She’s his best friend’s younger sister. That’s off-limits, even if Harry wasn’t gay. And Ginny is more interested in Luna than anyone else. Harry won’t be surprised if Ginny is the next to come out.

Neville blushes and looks back at the chessboard. Harry’s eyebrows are drawn together and he tries to stop laughing. What is this that Neville is hiding? Does he want to be the one in tune with Ginny? Is he the one with a crush on her? Harry should ask him soon. Before Ron figures it out and kills Neville.

Ginny gets up and places a kiss on top of Harry’s head. “I’m off, gay boy,” she says. “Please explain to my brother why we will never be and that it’s okay. I’ve got Nargles to catch.”

And with that Ginny is gone. Hermione has opened her book again and Neville’s focus is back on his chess game. Only Ron stares at Harry a little longer.

“This whole Malfoy thing,” Ron says. “Has that to do anything with you being gay?”

Harry shrugs. The big word is out there. And Neville already knows, and Hermione suspects. It’s only fair, to be honest about this too. “Maybe,” he says.

“Okay, let me know when you figure that out,” Ron says without any judgement. “I hate being the last to know.”

“Sure,” Harry agrees.

That closes the topic and Ron focuses on the game in front of him. He beats Neville in three moves and then they all shuffle back to the Great Hall for lunch.

* * *

Chapter Text

Harry looks at his diary. The amount of homework for the upcoming Christmas break is ridiculous. It’s just two more days and then they will all be on the train home. Harry doesn’t get why the teachers hand out extra work for the holidays. It’s unfair if you ask him. He’s supposed to be on break, as in free from school. Iris doesn’t mind, she says it’s great that she can still study while at home. Harry is sure she will think differently when she gets there and sees all her neglected toys. And when Uncle Remus and Uncle Sirius are at the house the entire time, she won’t have time for all the extra work.

“I’m going to experience a Muggle Christmas this year,” Ron says. “Mum and dad said it was okay to go to Hermione’s.”

Harry puts his diary away and looks at his friends. They sit in the Great Hall, finishing up some homework before dinner starts. It started with just Harry, Draco, Neville, Hermione and Ron. But just a few minutes ago Ginny and Luna joined them. It’s still more than half an hour until dinner, but it seems the Great Hall is already filling up. Ever since the Christmas decorations went up last weekend it’s the favourite spot for most students to do their homework.

Hermione rolls her eyes. “It’s not that different,” she says.

“But don’t you worship the birth of this man named Jesus?” Luna asks.

Harry doesn’t listen to Hermione’s answer. He’s heard this before. She explained it all last week when Ron asked her about it. And the truth is, Harry doesn’t really care. He’ll go home and enjoy some nice meals with his family. And get lots of presents. That’s what Christmas is all about. Who cares about Muggle beliefs, or the old magical celebrations concerning the winter solstice? These days it’s just a time to spend with family and friends and get new stuff.

But first, he needs to finish this Potions essay while Draco is still around. Harry looks in his book again and reads the passage about Chizpurfle carapace. He doesn’t get why it’s so hard to open them and the way you should handle them, so Harry pats Draco on his shoulder. Draco looks up from his parchment and signs: “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Harry says. “Just need some help.”

“Okay,” Draco signs.

Harry points at the passage he’s been reading. “I don’t understand,” he explains

Draco shakes his head and then pulls his reusable parchment from under his books. He starts to scribble and Harry waits. When the paper is pushed into his hands, he can’t help but laugh.

‘We’ve been over this a million times. Start REMEMBERING!’ Draco writes. ‘You need to feed them to a Venomous Tentacula. You lure the Chizpurfles to the plant with the Lumos Duo Charm. This works because the Chizpurfles are attracted to magic. Then you wait for the plant to eat the Chizpurfle. It will spit out the carapace when it’s done.’

Harry rubs his hand through his hair. Why can’t the book put it down this simple? Somehow Draco can explain the material in a way that makes sense to Harry. This is why Harry works on this essay now. He will never be able to do it without Draco’s help. Even his mum can’t explain it as Draco does. When she does it, Harry also gets confused half the time.

“Thanks,” Harry signs and then they both focus on their work again.

“Bill is going to be disappointed you won’t be home during Christmas,” Ginny says.

Harry looks up from his work. “Is he coming home from Egypt?” he asks.

“Yes, both he and Charlie will spend Christmas at home,” Ginny says.

“Even Charlie? It’s been a while since he’s been home, isn’t it?” Neville asks.

“Yes, always too busy with his dragons,” Ron answers. “But I’ll see them after. We’re spending New Years at my place. The fireworks are better than the Muggle stuff you see sometimes. I don’t want to miss that.”

“You sure you will survive without your mum’s cooking?” Harry asks. It’s the one thing Ron always brags about, how good a cook his mum is and how amazing her Christmas dinner is. He must truly be in love with Hermione to let that pass him by.

“He will help cook his own dinner this Christmas,” Hermione says. “And then he will understand that it’s wrong to keep house-elves as slaves to serve ours.”

Everyone groins at that statement. Ever since Sirius opened his mouth about how useful a house-elf would      be and Hermione figured out what house-elves are and that they don’t get paid for their services, she’s been on and on about starting a movement to free them all. She doesn’t understand that Dobby was the crazy one of them all, the only elf Harry ever met that wanted to be set free. Most elves are perfectly happy where they are and enjoy the fact they get to serve wizards and witches. But Hermione just points out it’s the same as Muggle slaves and that there was a reason slavery was made illegal. Harry doesn’t get it. If the elves are happy, then what is the problem with having them? It’s not that they have a bad life. Most of them are content and well treated. Not all families are the Malfoy     s who disrespect their elves. And with what Harry has learnt over the past couple of weeks, Dobby was only mistreated by Draco’s father. He was Draco’s friend, and Draco misses him whenever he goes home.

“What are you and your dad doing this Christmas?” Ginny asks Luna. Luna looks up from her copy of the Quibbler and smiles at them all. She’s a bit weird, but somehow, she brings the best sides of Ginny out, so Harry doesn’t mind having her around. Even if she has the craziest ideas and beliefs in fairy tales.

“Oh, we’re going to Iceland to try and spot a Blibbering Humdinger,” Luna says. “Father is excited. He’s got reports that they have been spotted there for weeks now.”

Hermione opens her mouth to say that the creatures don’t exist, but Ron stops her by placing his hand on her mouth. “That’s great, Luna. I hope you will spot one too,” he says. Then he throws a small piece of parchment at Draco to get him to look up from his essay. “What are your plans for Christmas?” Ron asks.

Draco raises his eyebrows and turns to Harry and signs: “He knows I’m deaf, right?”

Harry laughs and nods his head.

“What did he say?” Ron asks.

Harry shakes his head. “Ron wants to know your plans for Christmas,” Harry signs without saying it out loud.

“They are off on another private conversation,” Ron complains as Draco pinches his lips together and shakes his index and middle finger twice.

Harry repeats his signs, but slower this time. Draco shakes his head and Harry pulls Draco’s parchment towards him and writes down Ron’s question.

“Hogwarts,” Draco signs.

“You’re staying here?” Hermione asks. Neville signs the words before Draco has to turn to Harry again.

Draco nods. “Dad doesn’t want me at home,” he signs.

“That’s fucked up,” Neville says. And Harry agrees with him. Christmas is supposed to be a time spent with family. And to have your father tell you he doesn’t want you to come home, that must hurt. Harry wouldn’t know what to do with himself if James wrote to him to say he doesn’t want Harry to come home. He would be so upset that by now he would have already destroyed something. But Draco didn’t say a word. He looks calm. As if it all doesn’t matter. But it does matter. Harry doesn’t want Draco to be alone during Christmas. Nobody should be alone with Christmas.

“What did he say?” Ginny asks.

“Something about his father,” Hermione says. “It went too quickly for me to follow.”

Neville looks at Hermione with widened eyes. Harry’s belly flutters and his mouth falls open. “You’re learning signs?” he asks.

“Yes, of course,” Hermione says as if it’s nothing.

“What do you mean of course?” Ron asks. “Don’t you think you already have enough on your plate with all the subjects you’re taking this year?”

“This is more important than my school subjects,” Hermione answers. “It’s not fair that Malfoy can only understand half of what we’re saying. So the sooner we all learn to include him, the better.”

Harry wants to jump over the table and hug Hermione. She’s the best friend ever for just going to the trouble to learn signs next to her massive workload.

Ron groans and drops his head on his Charms book. “I’m going to have to learn too, don’t I?” he asks.

“Yes, we can start with the basics this holiday,” Hermione says while she pats Ron on his head. Ginny laughs until Hermione looks at her and she realises that she will have to start with a BSL crash course too and she groans.

“Oh, this is fun,” Luna says. “We’ll all be able to chat without Draco feeling left out.”

Harry looks at Draco who’s turned back to his homework. He never minds that he can’t follow any of them. He loves the silence. Harry has learnt that by now. But still, it would be great if all their friends would be able to communicate with him without the need for translators or pieces of parchment. But that doesn’t change anything to the fact that Draco will be all alone this Christmas. Harry doesn’t think any Slytherin ever stays over at Hogwarts during Christmas. It will be so depressing. Harry can’t stand it. He has to make sure that Draco has a good Christmas, one he will enjoy.

‘You want to come to my place for Christmas?’ Harry writes. He places the parchment on the book Draco is reading. Draco looks up and raises his eyebrows.

“So you won’t be alone?” Harry signs.

Draco shakes his head. “I don’t mind,” he signs.

“I know. But you can meet Sirius.” Harry answers. Draco’s eyebrows pull closer and Harry knows he didn’t follow. Harry quickly writes down what he just signed and then repeats the movements.

‘Your deaf uncle?’ Draco writes down.

Harry nods and then has to suppress the massive smile that wants to form on his face as Draco agrees to come. He grabs a clean piece of parchment and starts to write. He needs to tell his parents there will be an extra person joining them for Christmas. And he needs to make sure they understand that he and Draco are just friends and that there will be no talk about Harry being gay and maybe having a crush on Draco. He just hopes his dad and Uncle Sirius will be able to control themselves, or at least have Lily and Remus on their case if they don’t. Harry sprints to the Owlery to find Hedwig and send her off to Godric’s Hollow straight away, not responding to any of the questions yelled after him when he rushes out of the Great Hall only moments before dinner starts.

* * *

Dinner is strange. Harry can’t help it. It’s because Draco is in his home. All the normal dynamics have changed, but are also still the same. Remus still leans against Sirius when Lily brings in dessert and he says he shouldn’t have any. Neville and Iris still fight about who gets the last couple of vegetables, as the crazy herbivores they are. James still wants all the ins and outs about the Quidditch matches from the last two months. Only Harry struggles to stay on topic. His eyes drift to Draco who sits in his seat, straight up and with his napkin on his lap. He uses his utensils with care and even eats the potatoes he normally skips at Hogwarts.

“You’re staring again, dear,” Lily whispers in Harry’s ear.

Harry blushes and looks back at his plate. His parents haven’t said a word about Harry’s crush on their extra house guest this holiday. Not since they got home only two hours ago. Harry is sure his dad will pull him into a private conversation before they are due back at Hogwarts. But for now, they are behaving. Even Sirius only gave Draco a questioning look before he returned to Lily to tell her that he’s making the pudding for Christmas dinner.

Draco is silent. Not like his usual silence because he doesn’t talk. And that is another thing that keeps Harry’s mind occupied. He still doesn’t know if Draco can talk, or even make sounds. He read in a book that sometimes children get born deaf and mute, but the lack of sounds can also be because they can’t hear and they just never learn to make sounds in the way others do. It doesn’t matter, of course. He and Draco have been communicating just fine without using spoken words. They sign more and more, as Draco is improving quickly. And when signs don’t work, they write stuff down. It’s how Harry learnt that Draco has good humour, and also takes his studies more seriously than anyone else Harry knows. Even more seriously than Hermione, and Harry never thought that was possible. The lack of sounds is not an issue.

But now Draco hardly signs. He just looks around and doesn’t interfere. Everyone signs, just as always, as it’s the only way Sirius can understand them. But the signs go quickly and Harry is sure that Draco only catches small amounts of what is being said. He’s not used to having three people speak at the same time, or fly over each other to get their point across. Harry hasn’t signed this quickly in weeks, always slowing down his movements so Draco can see them properly. He hadn’t even noticed he did this until now, when Sirius told Harry he’d become slow.

So dinner is strange. But still normal compared to what happens after. Harry gets up, picks up some plates and follows his mother towards the kitchen. Draco gets up too, but before he can pick up any of the plates Uncle Sirius takes his arm and guides him to the other room.

“It’s okay, Harry,” Remus says. “Sirius just wants a quiet moment with his cousin.”

Harry stares at the door, not sure what he should do. He wants to follow them, to make sure that Draco is okay. And to keep Uncle Sirius in check. Harry knows how he can be. He might spill all of Harry’s secrets.

“Want to go after your boyfriend?” Neville teases.

“Are they boyfriends?” Iris asks.

“No, we're not,” Harry says. He gives Neville a dark look. “And you should both remember that.” He picks up the plates and walks to the kitchen. He can hear his dad tell Iris and Neville to behave. Lily must have instructed him to be considerate of Harry’s wishes to keep his massive crush on Draco a secret.

“Are you okay, honey?” Lily asks as Harry puts down the plates.

Harry shrugs and sits down on one of the bar stools. Lily puts down the leftovers she was packing away and sits down next to Harry.

“I don’t know if he likes being here,” Harry says as he slumps his shoulders. “He hardly said anything.”

Lily smiles at Harry. “He just got here. And we are a lot to take in. It’s busy and chaotic. His own home is probably quite different, as he’s an only child.”

Harry nods. His mother is probably right, but still, Harry feels that Draco is on edge. “He’s so proper,” he says. “I’ve never seen him like this.”

“It’s his upbringing, sweetheart,” Lily says. “Sirius was the same when he was younger. It says nothing of how he feels about being here.”

“I just didn’t want him to be alone with Christmas,” Harry says. He rests his head in his hands.

“And that’s why he’s here,” Lily says. “You know all your friends are always welcome in our home. Even the ones that give you butterflies.”

Harry leans against Lily and closes his eyes. He hates the butterflies in his stomach. If he can’t keep them in check, he might lose Draco for good. “I don’t think he’s gay,” Harry confesses.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Lily says. She puts her arm around Harry and places a kiss on the side of his head. She doesn’t say anything else and Harry is grateful.

The door opens and Draco steps through it. He’s got some cups in his hands and puts them down in the sink. Harry sits up straight and his mum lets her arm drop. Lily gets up and continues packing away the leftovers. Draco sits down next to Harry and pulls his parchment and quill from his pocket.

‘I didn’t know I was related to your uncle,’ Draco writes down.

Harry shakes his head. ‘How could you not know? He’s a Black, just like your mother,’ he writes underneath Draco’s words.

‘Nobody told me he was a Black. And he’d been kicked out of the family,’ Draco writes.

‘Yeah, he doesn’t feel all that bad about that,’ Harry writes down. ‘Always says it’s the best thing that ever happened to him.’

Draco swallows as he reads Harry’s words. ‘My family isn’t that bad,’ he writes.

Harry doesn’t know what to write back. He disagrees. Draco’s family is horrible. The way they treat Draco is unacceptable. But he can’t say that.

‘Sirius is kind,’ Malfoy writes when Harry doesn’t respond. ‘He asked me a lot of questions about the family. He said I can always write to him if I want to talk to someone who understands what it’s like to not hear.’

Harry is glad the topic has changed. He takes the quill from Draco and writes: ‘That’s cool. Uncle Sirius is fun. He hates being deaf. He misses sounds. Do you also miss them?’

‘No. I don’t mind,’ Draco writes. ‘The world has always been silent. Sounds will only be distracting.’

Harry looks at Draco who smiles at him. It’s hard to believe how okay Draco is with being deaf. They have been over this before. That Draco has always been deaf and thinks that sound will be distracting. Still, Harry can’t believe it. How is it that Draco never complains about not being able to hear? It’s so normal for Draco that he doesn’t even know what he’s missing. And maybe that is better than what happened to Uncle Sirius. He used to hear just fine, loved the sound of his own voice a little too much if Harry believes the stories Lily and Uncle Remus tell them. And then one single spell took it all away. It must be so different for them both. Harry hadn’t even thought about that. Draco’s never known anything else. For him, the world is a silent place. Harry wonders what that is like. Would he be okay to know he misses something that others have?

‘It’s nice to talk to somebody who’s also deaf,’ Draco writes. He bites on his bottom lip and Harry can’t keep his eyes off it. He wants to know what it’s like to bite Draco’s lip. And fuck, he needs to stop thinking like this. They are friends. Draco isn’t gay and he’d only just made some friends. Harry can’t be the reason why he loses them all. Including the only other person he knows that’s deaf.

‘You’ll see more of him this holiday. They practically live here during Christmas,’ Harry writes.

‘I would love that,’ Draco writes. ‘You don’t mind if I spend some more time with him?’

‘No, you should hang out with him.’ Harry writes.

“Harry, why don’t you show Draco where he will be sleeping,” Lily says.

Harry looks up from the parchment and stares at his mother. “Sure, he’ll just crash with me and Neville, won’t he?” he says.

“I made the guest room,” Lily says.

“Why?” Harry asks. “We’re just friends. Nothing is going to happen.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “Look, Harry, I know you aren’t together. I just don’t think Draco wants to spend the entire week on a mattress on the floor. He’ll be more comfortable on a bed. So he’ll be staying in the guest room.”

“Fine,” Harry says. He motions for Draco to follow him and they walk upstairs.

‘What’s wrong?’ Draco signs.

“Nothing, mum is just being difficult,” Harry says. He shrugs and shows Draco around the house. Draco doesn’t seem to mind that he gets his own room and Harry wonders if maybe Draco knows that Harry wants more from him than just being friends.

* * *

Time goes on. Christmas comes and goes and soon the next year has started. Draco spends a lot of time with Sirius when Harry’s uncles are at the Potter household. Harry says he doesn’t mind, but he kind of wants to be included in their little talks. Only, Draco looks happier than Harry’s ever seen him, so Harry swallows his own wants and stays out of their way. Neville teases him constantly with his crush. If he wasn’t Harry’s brother, Harry would have hexed him already.

Most surprised is Harry about Iris. She doesn’t say a thing about Harry’s crush, or about the fact that he told her that he’s gay. She just said she didn’t care and that was it. But she did take Draco apart one morning to teach him signs that are related to personal hygiene. When Harry asked her about it, she declared that someone had to teach him. That if that was up to Harry, Draco would never know how to communicate about his hair struggles. And it would be a shame if his beautiful golden hair would suffer because of Harry’s lack of interest in taking care of his own. Harry wanted to be offended, but he agreed with how beautiful Draco’s hair is and that it would be a shame if Draco wouldn’t learn how to communicate about it.

It’s only two more days before they all go back to Hogwarts. James has been called into work this morning. Harry and Neville both know why, but nobody says a word about Pettigrew. Sirius stops by after lunch and takes Draco with him on a little trip to a shop that specialises in products for deaf people. Harry slumps into his room and drops down on his bed. Neville follows him and drops down next to Harry.

“You think they sighted Pettigrew again?” Neville asks.

“Guess so,” Harry says. “Can’t think of a different reason why dad would have to rush off to work during the holidays.”

They both stare at the ceiling. Harry wonders if Pettigrew is still in Hogsmeade. Will he go after Sirius or Neville if he gets the chance? It’s been weeks since the last sighting. Silently, Harry had hoped that Pettigrew would have moved on and would leave his family alone. Harry hasn’t found a way to stop him yet. But he will. He can’t have that animal cause even more pain. It’s enough that he betrayed Neville’s parents and caused their deaths, and that he disabled Sirius in the way he did. He won’t get that chance again, to do harm like that. Harry will stop him before Pettigrew comes close to Harry’s loved ones.

“You should tell Draco,” Neville says.

Harry turns to look at Neville. It’s the first time he’s called Draco by his first name. “You called him Draco,” Harry says.

“That’s his name, isn’t it? What was the sign again?” Neville asks.

Harry shows him the movement Draco came up with. Neville repeats it. “Similar to dragon, smart,” he says.

“Yeah, that’s Draco. Smart and beautiful,” Harry agrees. His cheeks flush and he looks back at the ceiling.

Neville laughs. “You’ve got it bad. You can’t keep that from him.”

Harry shakes his head. “You know what it was like for Uncle Sirius when he came out. His family kicked him out. Draco comes from the same family. He won’t be okay with me being gay. And then to add that I’m head over heels for him. I can’t tell him.”

“He’s going to find out,” Neville says. “More and more people know that you’re gay. He’s going to overhear.”

Harry laughs now. “He won’t overhear,” he says. Not as long as the few people that know sign languages don’t sign it in front of him.

“You know what I mean,” Neville says. “He’s going to find out. You can’t keep your eyes off him. People are going to notice how you glance at him and how your skin gets flushed when he’s nearby. And how you’ll do anything for him. It will be better if he hears it from you,” Neville says.

“Maybe,” Harry says. “But right now, I don’t want him to know.”

“Okay,” Neville says. They both stare at the ceiling again. Harry tries not to think of what it would mean if Draco rejects him as a friend because Harry is gay. He doesn’t want to lose him. Is that selfish of Harry, to keep his sexuality from the one boy he’s falling in love with? Because he is. He does not doubt that this is what it feels like to fall in love. His heart skips beats when he looks at Draco’s smile. His stomach is filled with butterflies and he blushes more and more when someone mentions Draco. The feeling is scary and great at the same time. And Harry has no idea what to do with it because he knows that Draco will never feel the same about him.

“I want to find Pettigrew,” Neville says. Harry had already forgotten about him again. That’s another thing that Draco does. He makes Harry forget about everything else in the world. He takes up most of Harry’s thoughts. And almost all his dreams. Good dreams. In which Harry kisses Draco and Draco doesn’t mind. They would hold hands and sit next to each other all the time. Draco’s smile is in them too. Harry loves that smile.

“I need to avenge my parents,” Neville continues.

And now it’s time for Harry to just agree so he utters an okay. He gets it. He wants to find Pettigrew too and hurt him for all he’s done to this family. “We’ll do it together,” he says.

“Both of you are doing nothing,” James says. Neville and Harry both sit up quickly and see James standing in the doorway. His hand trembles on the doorknob and his face is pale. “No matter how much you two want to take revenge, you are not allowed to go looking for Wormtail.”

“Dad,” Neville starts.

James shakes his head and then closes the door behind him. He takes one of the desk chairs and sits in front of the boys. “Neville, I understand. I hate him too,” he says. “Because of him, we lost some pretty awesome people. Fuck, we almost lost Sirius. He’d been my friend for years. All through school and then in the few years after. I want him dead. It takes a lot of effort not to just go after him and put myself in danger. But I don’t. Because I’ve got both of you, and Iris and Lily. And Sirius will hunt my ghost down and torture me even after I’m dead if I do anything that stupid.”

“He killed my parents,” Neville says. “He betrayed them.”

“He betrayed all of us, Neville,” James says. His voice is small and Harry spots moisture in his eyes. Harry can’t look away from them. He’s never seen his father like this. He’s always the brave one, never scared of anything. But today, he looks frightened.

“Is he that dangerous?” Harry asks.

James blinks with his eyes. “Yes, he is.”

“I don’t care,” Neville says. “You don’t know what it’s like. I have to. I can’t just let him run free. He…” Neville swallows. Harry reaches out and takes Neville’s hand in his.

“Please, Neville, I don’t want to bury you next to your parents,” James says. “You’re too young to die. I promised them I would look after you if anything would happen to them, make sure you have a good life. Don’t make me break that promise.” He puts his hand on Neville’s shoulder. “You’re my son and I love you. We all love you.”

“But he killed” Neville starts. Tears fall from his eyes as he takes in some quick breaths.

Harry leans against him to comfort him and James puts his arms around both of them. “I know, kiddo. I know. It’s okay. We’ll find him and put him back behind bars, I promise. Just promise me that you won’t do anything stupid and break Lily and Iris’ hearts by dying on us.”

“We won’t, dad,” Harry says. And he means it. If his father is this frightened of what Pettigrew could do to them. If he’s that scared that he will lose Harry and Neville if they go after Pettigrew, he won’t do it. He won’t hurt his parents or Iris. “But if he comes after us, I won’t let him live.”

James chuckles. “Could you just be a little less like me sometimes?” he asks.

Harry laughs through his tears. “I’ll try. But not on this. I won’t let him hurt Neville or Iris. I promise I’ll keep them safe at school. You won’t have to worry about us.”

“Just don’t go after him,” James says. “No matter what you hear, or how close he gets. Just run and stay safe.”

“We will,” Neville says. “Just catch him quickly, please.”

James looks at Neville and then pulls him in for another hug. “As quickly as we can, I promise.”

* * *

Harry looks at the steps of the main entrance of Hogwarts. The Christmas holiday had sped by in no time. And the long train ride back to Hogsmeade had never gone this fast. Harry drags towards the stairs in front of him. He doesn’t want to go back inside and have to say goodbye to Draco. His fingers are cold and he has a sour taste in his mouth.

The steps come anyway, and Harry takes them and ends up in the Entrance Hall. Draco is still beside him. He slowed down together with Harry. Harry avoids his eyes. Instead, he looks at the stairs to his left, which will lead Harry to Gryffindor tower. Then he glances at the stairs on the right, which go down to the Slytherin dungeon. They will both have to go their separate ways.

Draco will be lonely in the Slytherin dungeon. He only has friends in Gryffindor. It’s unfair that he can’t stay with them, just because some stupid hat made him go to Slytherin. Which is a mystery on its own. Draco is more Ravenclaw and Gryffindor than Slytherin. The house doesn’t seem to fit Draco at all. But still, he got sorted into that house.

“Say goodbye to your boyfriend, Harry,” Ron says as he passes them towards the stairs. “You’ll see him again during dinner.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Harry shouts after Ron.

Hermione slaps Ron on the back of his head forcing a laugh out of Neville, Ginny and Iris. Harry rubs the back of his neck and then turns towards Draco. Ron is right. It’s just for a short while. Dinner will be in an hour and Draco will join them. And tomorrow classes will start again and they will be able to spend more time together.

“What’s going on?” Draco signs.

Harry shakes his head. There is no way that Harry will repeat Ron’s words. Instead, he answers with: “Ron is an idiot.”

Draco smiles and then looks at their friends ascending the stairs. He takes a deep breath and toys with the necklace around his neck. It is usually hidden beneath Draco’s robes. Harry hadn’t even noticed Draco wore it until a couple of days ago.

Draco turns towards Harry and sings: “See you at dinner?”

A soft smile forms on Harry’s face and his cheeks start to heat. He hopes Draco doesn’t see the pink that flushes over them when he confirms.

“I had a good holiday,” Draco signs.

“Me too,” Harry says. He pushes his feet over the floor. He knows he should turn and walk up the stairs after his friends, but he doesn’t want to go. Draco also doesn’t move. He must hate being alone in the Slytherin common room. Maybe Harry should ask his friends if it’s okay that Draco also hangs out with them in Gryffindor tower. It might be better for Draco. He won’t be alone that way.

Other students enter the Entrance Hall, and one of them runs into Harry. “Sorry,” the boy shouts as he moves towards the Hufflepuff common room. It shakes Harry into action. He waves at Draco and then walks up the stairs. When he’s halfway up to the first floor he turns and watches as Draco makes it down the stairs. It hurts watching him go. “Fuck,” Harry mutters and then he continues his tread to Gryffindor tower.

“You still want to pretend that you don’t fancy him?” Hermione asks when Harry sits down next to her. She already has a book on her lap, as if she never left for the holidays.

Ginny drops down on Harry’s lap and pets his hair. “Because after that little goodbye, we don’t believe it anymore,” she says.

Harry groans and tries to push Ginny away. It’s no use of course, and Ginny holds her ground.

“I thought you were going to kiss him,” Ron says as he puts down his chessboard. “Now get over here and let me beat you.”

Harry shakes his head. “Go play against Neville. You might lose that way,” he says.

“I deserve a break after watching you drool all over Draco the entire break,” Neville says.

Harry stares at him, hoping Neville can feel the daggers that Harry spits with his eyes at his brother for this betrayal.

“We feel sorry for you, Neville,” Ron says. He puts down the pieces on the board and then looks over at them all. “Now who’s going to let me destroy them with a game of chess?” he asks.

“Someone please play with him,” Ginny says. “He’s been down ever since he discovered he will never beat Bill.” Then she tickles Harry. “And you should tell that boy tonight that you fancy him, so you two can kiss and make-out and do other gross things like that,” she tells Harry.

“What do you know about kissing?” Ron asks, his chess game forgotten.

“Nothing. And I’d like to keep it that way until I’m old and grey,” Ginny says.

“I can’t tell him,” Harry says as he fiddles with the sleeve of his jumper. “He doesn’t fancy me. And he’s been raised to…”

“To what? Be a homophobic pure-blood?” Ron asks.

Harry pushes his hair out of his face and then sighs. “Yes, he’s been raised to be a homophobic pure-blood. And besides that, we’re friends. When I tell him, he won’t be my friend anymore.” Harry hates how it sounds now he said it out loud. It’s the truth and they all know it. Draco likes Harry as a friend, but not if he will cause even more trouble for him. It’s hopeless and Harry doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“Think you’re wrong there,” Neville says.

Harry shakes his head. “Can we please just drop it?” he asks.

Neville moves to sit across from Ron and makes the first move for a game of chess. “See what I had to put up with for two weeks,” he says with a grin on his face.

Ron claps his hands together. “I’m so going to win,” he says. The topic forgotten and replaced by the thrill of the chess game.

Hermione rests her head on Harry’s shoulder. “I think you’re wrong. The way he stares at you, and wants to be close to you all the time. He might feel the same as you,” she says.

“I can’t risk it, Hermione,” Harry says. Having a crush is one thing. Slowly falling in love is scary. But the idea of maybe losing Draco forever. Harry can’t stand it. He won’t say anything. He can be just friends with Draco. It’s no big deal. They can continue in the same manner as they’ve done before. Do homework together, practice BSL, encourage Draco to cast spells, maybe even see if Harry can convince him to try out a broom, have him show up at Quidditch practice. It will all be fine. It’s what friends do. Ron and Neville come to watch the practise from time to time. Maybe not as often as Draco. But still. It means nothing.

“Just know that we won’t spill your secret,” Hermione says. “And that we won’t mind if you started dating. I think you would make a cute couple.”

“You so would,” Ginny agrees as she again messes up Harry’s hair.

Harry smiles. “We would, wouldn’t we?” he says. He can see it in his mind. Sees it in most of his dreams. Draco holding his hand, sharing soft kisses, just being close together all the time. It would be great if it could happen. But it’s just a dream. A fantasy that will never come true. No matter how much everyone thinks that it is possible. They believe Draco also has a crush on Harry. Harry can’t see it. And as long as he can’t see it, he won’t risk losing the best friend he’s ever had.

* * *

Chapter Text

Harry looks around the Great Hall. It’s still early for a Saturday, but Harry’s sure that Draco is in here somewhere. He scans over the Slytherin table and spots Draco at the back. He sits alone, a mug with juice in his hand on his way to his mouth, while his eyes are fixed on the book in front of him. A smile forms on Harry’s face as he moves towards Draco and sits down next to him. Draco looks up from his book, smiles and then continues to read. Harry grabs some bacon and eggs and plants them on a piece of toast. Then he pours himself a cup of coffee.

“You’re at the wrong table, Gryffindorf,” someone yells at Harry. Harry looks up from his breakfast and spots Parkinson and Nott some seats away from them.

“I’m right where I’m supposed to be,” Harry tells them. “Breakfast is better here, more food to pick from because you all are always on a diet.”

“Don’t eat too much, you might fall off your broom again,” Parkinson jokes. The people around her laugh. Harry just shakes his head and continues his breakfast.

“Everyone is staring at us,” Draco signs when he closes his book.

“Let them,” Harry says before he puts the last of his eggs into his mouth.

“We can go to the library,” Draco suggests.

Harry shakes his head. “I like it here,” he says.

Draco nods and then takes his Potions textbook from his bag. Harry follows his example and soon they are both bent over the book while Draco tries to explain to Harry how to make a Wideye Potion. The potion has two steps, but Harry keeps messing them up.

“It’s not that hard,” Draco signs. Then he takes his quill and writes down: ‘You don’t have to screw up, just because you don’t want to please Professor Snape.’

Harry laughs out loud. “He’s a horrible teacher,” he says.

“He’s a good teacher, who hates you for some reason,” Draco signs.

“He used to be my mother’s best friend,” Harry tells Draco. “They are still friends, but they aren’t as close as they used to be. Uncle Sirius says he loves my mum and hates me because she chooses James instead of him.”

Draco shakes his head and pushes his parchment to Harry. This was too much, too difficult for Draco to follow. So Harry writes down what he just told him.

‘That must be hard,’ Draco writes. ‘To love someone who doesn’t love you back.’

Harry doesn’t know how to reply. He knows exactly how that feels. It’s nice and painful at the same time. And a struggle to keep your urges in check, to not let the words you want to say slip out. If that is what Harry reminds Professor Snape of all the time, it makes a bit more sense that he dislikes Harry so much.

Draco pushes his knee against Harry, who forces a smile on his face. They drop the subject and focus on their homework again. The morning continues on, and at some point, Hermione and Neville sit down opposite them. Nobody says a word about the fact that they are all at the Slytherin table. Even the Slytherins don’t seem to mind all that much. They just make sure that there is plenty of room between them and the Gryffindors. It’s fun doing all the homework together, and from time to time Draco and Harry’s knees touch each other. Every time it happens Harry blushes a little and his heart speeds up. Is Draco doing it deliberately? Could Hermione and Neville be correct? Does Draco also like Harry in the way Harry likes him? It can’t be, can it? Draco never showed any sign of being gay. But then, Harry also doesn’t advertise it. He’s just a normal boy, who likes other boys instead of girls. There is no special way to act, just because you’re gay. So maybe Draco could be? Harry just doesn’t know. He needs to find a way to breach the subject without Draco finding out that Harry is gay, until Harry knows for sure that Draco will be okay with it all.

“Do you have Quidditch practise this afternoon?” Neville asks.

Harry looks up from his Charms essay. “Yeah, at two,” he says. “Wood wants to make sure we win the next two games. He’s drilling us to exhaustion.”

Draco moves his hands and Harry and Neville stare at them. The words fly and feel are in there, but the sentence makes no sense. It happens more and more often, now that Draco tries to use BSL during conversations instead of writing things down. The only problem is that he’s still a beginner, and sometimes it’s hard to figure out what he means. Draco shakes his head and writes down what he tries to say.

‘What does it feel like to fly?’ he asks.

Harry reads the sentence and then shows Draco how to say it. Draco repeats the movement and then nods. He gets it. They both smile at each other. Only Harry’s smile drops as the question sinks in.

“You’ve never been on a broom?” he asks.

Draco shakes his head.

“But we had lessons in first year,” Harry says. “Everyone learnt to fly in first year.”

“Not me,” Draco signs. He looks away as he blinks his eyes.

“Fuck,” Harry says just when Ron sits down next to Hermione.

“Fuck what?” he asks.

“Draco can’t fly,” Hermione says. “Not that he’s missing out. I hate being on a broom.”

“That’s because you’re not normal,” Ron says. “Flying is the best thing in the world. I just did a game of catch with Ginny. She wants to try out for the team next year.”

Harry just stares at Draco who tries hard not to look at any of them. He must feel bad that this is another thing he can’t do. Harry doesn’t want to think about how that class would have gone for Draco. How the others would have made fun of him, stuck on the ground. Why didn’t anyone realise something was wrong when Draco couldn’t even get his broom to fly for him?

‘I’ll teach you,’ Harry writes.

Draco reads the note and a soft smile forms on his lips. ‘You don’t have to,’ he writes.

‘I want to,’ Harry pens down. ‘The weekend after the game we can go out to the field and I’ll show you what it feels like to fly.’

Draco nods. “Thank you,” he signs.

“You should learn. It is the best feeling in the world,” Harry signs. “Hermione hates it, but she’s the only one I know who hates being on a broom.”

“Hermione doesn’t fly?” Draco asks.

“She can, but doesn’t like it,” Harry signs back.

“I know you’re talking about me,” Hermione says. Her hands struggle to keep up with her words, but she’s trying. Even Ron has started to sign some small words, like yes and no. It will take time before they are all fluent, but it’s a start. And it helps Draco to feel included.

“Sorry, just told Draco that you don’t like to fly,” Harry says.

Hermione nods. “Yes, I hate it,” she says towards Draco.

“Why?” Draco asks.

“Neville, translate because this will be too hard for me still,” Hermione says.

“Sure,” Neville answers.

And then Hermione goes off, explaining how she’s always scared that she will fall, and that a lot of accidents happen during broom rides. Harry falling off it isn’t the first and certainly not the last one. The numbers are bad, only nobody seems to care and it stays a form of transport. It’s barbaric, according to Hermione. Neville signs along, but the movements go too quickly and Draco has already pushed his parchment back to Harry, who scribbles as fast as he can to keep up with Hermione’s words. Draco doesn’t read it yet, he tries to follow Neville’s movements. It’s great to see how hard Draco tries to get the hang of BSL. It warms Harry’s heart and it makes butterflies chase each other in his stomach.

When the crowd comes in for lunch, they all pack away their books and decide to move over to the Gryffindor table, just to make sure nobody makes a fuss off them all sitting together. Draco comes along. Percy gets up to say something about it, but Ron stops him before he even gets a chance. “He’s our friend and he’s not eating alone,” Ron says. Percy backs off, as Fred and George whoop from across the table.

“You tell him, Ron,” Fred shouts.

Harry just smiles and grabs some toast. Ron called Draco their friend. It’s official now. He’s part of the gang. And that’s the best feeling ever.

* * *

The sun is bright today and there is hardly a cloud in sight as Harry and Draco make their way to the Quidditch field. Last weekend was the match against Ravenclaw. Gryffindor won without any issue. Harry waited to catch the Snitch until his team was over two hundred points ahead. It was kind of sad to see the Ravenclaw team get smashed like that, but Slytherin still has to play against them and they are sure to keep on going until they have enough points to beat Gryffindor for the cup. Gryffindor’s only hope is the Hufflepuff team. Maybe they will be able to beat Slytherin. That will be the only way Gryffindor can hold onto the cup this year.

But that is a concern for later. Now the only thing on Harry’s mind is the tasks ahead of him. He is going to teach Draco how to fly. Harry talked to Madam Hooch, to get some advice on what to do. Only Madam Hooch had been useless. She said she remembered Draco in her class and how uncooperative he’d been. Draco didn’t listen to any of her commands. Harry almost yelled at her. Didn’t she get the memo? Weren’t all the teachers made aware of Draco’s situation? She must know by now that the only reason Draco hadn’t responded was that he couldn’t hear her. And that if he could have learned how to fly from only reading a book, he would be the best flier in the world.

Hermione was more helpful. She had researched the subject and had given Harry some advice on what to try. The most difficult part was that Draco wouldn’t be able to utter the spell to make the broom hover. From there on no words would be necessary. Harry never uses words to control his broom, it’s all movement and instinct. Maybe Harry should have asked Professor Flitwick about non-verbal spells, like the ones Flitwick tries to teach Draco in their private lessons. Draco doesn’t talk about those, but he does practice. Harry hates how frustrated Draco gets, as they never seem to pan out. Draco hasn’t managed to cast a single spell. It’s a bad omen for today’s efforts, but Harry will get Draco in the air. Even if it means sharing a broom. Draco will fly today.

The pitch is empty. It usually is the weekend after a game, but Harry wouldn’t have been surprised if Diggory would have planned extra hours for his team. The field is massive when it’s just two people walking onto it. The stands are empty. It’s still too cold to sit outside for long periods of time. That means they will have some privacy while Draco tries to lift off from the ground.

“Okay,” Harry says as he stops in the middle of the field. He hands Draco a broom and places his own next to him on the ground. “Flying is easy once you get the hang of it. We just need to get you in the air first.”

Draco nods. He looks at the broom in his hand and then lifts his shoulders.

“Yes, you need to make the broom hover,” Harry says. “That’s the hard part. You control the broom with the movements of your body. You lean forward when you want to speed up, or backwards when you want to slow down. It’s easy.

Draco rolls his eyes and then shakes his head.

Harry grins. “Yes, I know,” he says, “if it was that easy, you’d be flying already.”

Hermione had the idea that Draco doesn’t need the broom to fly up to him, that he could hold it in his hands and then think the incantation. He should be able to feel the magic do its job. Harry pulls out the note he made with the incantation on it. He hands it to Draco. Draco looks at it and then places his broom on the ground so he can use his hands.

“The spell?” Draco asks.

“Yes,” Harry says. “Hold the broom in front of you and think it.”

Draco bites his bottom lip. “Hasn’t worked before,” Draco signs.

“Just try it, please?” Harry replies. He makes a begging face. A soft smile forms on Draco’s face and Harry’s heart speeds up.

Draco puts the note in his pocket and picks up the broom again. He closes his eyes and then nothing happens. Harry lifts his broom and holds it next to him. If all goes well, Draco will let go of his broom and it will stay in the air.

The broom drops to the ground when Draco lets go of it.

They try again, with the same disappointing result. The broom crashes to the ground, over and over again. Draco’s shoulders start to slump and after the seventh attempt, Draco kicks the broom away. There are tears in his eyes. Harry wants to hug Draco and tell him it will all be okay, that he will fly today. But that’s not what friends do, so he keeps his distance. It’s time to try the next option.

Harry directs his broom towards Draco. “You can use mine. It’s already flying,” he says. Another idea from Hermione. What if the broom stays in the air after Harry has spelt it to, even if someone else goes flying on it? They both don’t know if it’s going to work, but it’s worth a shot.

Draco grabs the hovering broom and then lifts his leg over it. He sits with his feet still on the ground. Harry steps up next to him and holds him. They nod at each other and then Draco lifts his feet. The broom stays in the air. It’s working. Carefully Harry removes his hands from Draco’s waist, but he keeps them close, just in case. Draco smiles and then shivers. His eyes are wide as the broom moves a little.

“Try to move,” Harry says. “I’ll stay close.”

Harry summons the other broom and goes to fly next to Draco. Very slowly, Draco makes the broom move forwards. His arms shake a little. Harry stays close to him in the hope it gives Draco a feeling of safety.

It doesn’t take long until Draco stops biting his lip and a smile forms on his face. Harry smiles with him. Draco is flying. He might not be able to get a broom to fly yet, but he can fly on a broom given to him by someone else. They fly close to the ground, but they do speed up a bit. They circle around the pitch. At some point, Harry lifts a little higher, but Draco shakes his head. He’s not ready to go higher, so Harry moves back to his level.

Harry has no idea how long they fly around. It goes slow and they stay low to the ground. Draco does venture a little higher after a while, but not far enough to experience that true feeling of freedom that Harry gets when he’s on a broom, high in the sky, with nothing but the wind around him.

“You want to share a broom and go higher?” Harry asks when they have their feet back on the ground.

Draco looks at the sky. It’s a clear day. He nods his head.

Harry takes his broom and steps onto it. Draco slides on behind him and puts his arms around Harry’s waist. Harry’s heart goes into overdrive. It feels good to have Draco this close. Harry wants to turn around and kiss him. Bloody Merlin, he should get a grip. He’s doing this to help his friend, not to try to get in his pants. He should concentrate on getting them into the air, not on how much Harry wants Draco to hold him like this all the time.

With slippery hands, Harry lifts off into the sky. He wishes he could see Draco’s face when they go above the stands and the wind blows around them. The arms around Harry’s waist tighten, and blood rushes somewhere it isn’t supposed to go now. Harry tries not to think about it, tries not to imagine what it would be like to be with Draco in that way. Harry never thought about that before. But now, with the boy he loves behind him on his broom, two arms around him, he can’t stop his mind drifting to thoughts you’re not supposed to have about a friend.

Harry flies them over the Great Lake and then back to the Quidditch field. He lands softly. Draco lets go of him and Harry doesn’t want to admit that he misses the arms around him straight away. But then he looks at Draco. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is blown out by the wind. And there is a massive grin on his face.

“Hermione is wrong. Flying is awesome,” Draco signs.

Harry laughs in an attempt to stop the urge to move forward, take Draco’s face in his hands and kiss him full on the lips. He takes both brooms, one in each hand, and they make their way back to the castle. It’s the only way he can stop his hand to reach out and hold Draco’s. Draco has a swing in his step and a permanent smile on his face, completely unaware of Harry’s struggles right beside him.

* * *

Harry, Neville, Ron and Hermione sit in the Great Hall. Study books have been pulled out after breakfast and they all try to finish their homework as quickly as possible. It’s a beautiful day today, and they all want to enjoy the sun and go outside. Nobody looks up when Draco slips in between Harry and Neville. Nobody, except Harry. Their eyes lock for a second. They smile. And then they both focus on their work, all set up on getting it over with as soon as possible. When lunch starts, they are all about done with all the work.

“I’m not spending one more minute in my books,” Neville says.

Harry slams his book shut. “Couldn’t even if I wanted to.”

“You’ve got Quidditch practise this afternoon?” Hermione asks. She still has a piece of parchment in front of her and her quill hovers above it. Her essay is longer than it’s supposed to be. She will lose points because of it. But Hermione will never understand that.

“Yeah,” Harry says. He hangs back on his chair. “Now that Hufflepuff has beaten Slytherin, we have a chance of winning the cup again. Wood wants to analyse the Hufflepuffs game, to see how we can beat them.”

“We’ll come and watch,” Ron says. “The weather is too good to stay inside.”

“I still have to finish this essay,” Hermione says.

“Shorten it, you mean?” Draco signs. He’s been able to keep up with conversations with more ease ever since Hermione started to get the hang of BSL. Ron’s signs are still horrible, but at least he tries.

“No, finish it,” Hermione says. “Why would I shorten it? I need to have all the information in here.”

“How much information about werewolves did you find?” Ron asks.

Draco shakes his head. “You will get a lower grade if it’s too long,” he signs.

“No, I won’t. I won’t fall for that lie,” Hermione says.

Draco looks at Hermione as if she’s crazy. Harry puts his hand on Draco’s arm. “Leave it,” he says while shaking his head. Then he grabs Draco quill. ‘Hermione doesn’t believe in maximum lengths to essays. We’ve tried to explain, but she doesn’t believe it,’ he writes.

‘She’s an idiot,’ Draco writes.

Harry grins. ‘It’s a good thing,’ he writes. ‘This way you can beat her on this essay and she will be all upset.’

“Harry, did you bring the map?” Neville asks.

Harry looks up from the parchment. Hermione and Ron are whispering about the werewolf essay. Neville and Harry finished that ages ago. It’s not that hard to write about a werewolf when you’ve grown up with one being your uncle. Neville eats a sandwich, and Harry should also take one. He’s got Quidditch practise in thirty minutes, and Wood will kill him if he’s late again.

“Yeah, who are you looking for?” Harry asks. He pulls his bag up from the floor and searches for the map.

“Nobody,” Neville says. His cheeks turn red and Harry shakes his head. He signs ‘Ginny’ and Neville nods.

“You tell me later today what that is all about, alright?” Harry says.

“Sure, if you are ever alone,” Neville says.

Harry pushes his hand through his hair. Neville has a point. Harry is hardly ever alone. He’s always been a people person who likes to have others around. But lately, it has been different. Harry is never alone because Draco is always there. In class, after class, during dinner. They spend all their time together. This time it’s Harry who blushes. He can’t help it. He likes being around Draco.

Neville points his wand at the map and mutters: “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” Lines and figures start to appear on the parchment. Harry still doesn’t know how his dad, Sirius and Remus made the map. They won’t tell the secret. But he loves that James gave it to him when he first went to Hogwarts.

Draco looks at the parchment. His eyes are wide and his mouth opens slightly when Neville starts to unfold the thing.

“What is it?” he signs.

“A map of Hogwarts,” Harry tells him. “One that shows where everyone is.”

“Yes. See, here we are,” Neville says. He points at their names, sitting close to each other.

Draco leans in. His hand hovers above the map. Harry thinks it’s cute how excited Draco gets. It’s similar to Ron and Hermione’s reactions when they first saw the map, but somehow better. Everything with Draco is always better. Neville points at the Ravenclaw common room, where Iris hangs out with some of her friends. Luna isn’t there, so that means that Ginny won’t be either.

“Who are we looking for?” Draco asks.

Harry writes down Ginny’s name. Her full name, as that is the way it shows up on the map. Draco nods once he reads it and turns back to the map. Harry hurries to wipe away the name before Ron sees it. He doesn’t need to know that Neville has a crush on his sister. He will be weird about it. Luckily, Ron’s still busy trying to get all the information out of Hermione for his essay about werewolves.

Draco and Neville search the map. Harry wants to join in, but that will mean he’ll have to lean over Draco. And no matter how much Harry would love to do nothing else, it’s too dangerous. What if Harry does something stupid? He can’t control himself if he tempts faith. Instead, he picks up a sandwich and eats and just watches as Draco and Neville pore over the map.

“Oh no, he isn’t,” Neville spits out. He slams his fist on the map, making Draco jump from the sudden movement.

“What’s that?” Ron asks with his mouth full.

Harry leans over Draco and searches the map. Who did Neville see? It can only be one person. Is he here? In the castle?

“I’m going to kill him,” Neville says. He jumps from his seat. Harry rushes up to stop him.

“We promised dad,” Harry says. “You can’t go after him.”

Hermione pulls to map to her side of the table and spots Pettigrew in seconds. “How did he get in?” she asks.

“He’s a rat,” Neville spits. “A dead rat.” His gaze is intense and he makes fits of his hands.

Harry grabs one of Neville’s arms and tries to pull him back towards the benches. Neville holds his ground and tries to get free.

“Let me go,” he spits at Harry.

“You know I can’t,” Harry says.

Draco gets up from his seat and moves around Neville. He pushes against Neville’s back while Harry pulls. Neville takes an involuntary step forward.

“Fucking Merlin,” Ron says and he climbs over the table so he can help keep Neville in the Great Hall.

Students around them look up, and Harry just knows that there will be rumours going around the castle before lunch is even over.

Ron, Draco and Harry pull Neville back to the table. Neville plants his hands on the surface and refuses to sit down.

“Harry’s right. You can’t go after him,” Hermione says. Her finger points to Pettigrew’s name on the map. “He’s in the Hufflepuff common room. There is no way we’re getting in there.”

Neville fumes, but does sit down. “He’s here,” he says.

“We’ll tell Uncle Remus,” Harry says. He’s still got Neville’s arm in his hand. “We’ll hand him the map so they can keep an eye on Pettigrew while the proper people get here to arrest him,” Harry says.

“Okay, let’s go now,” Neville says. He snatches the map out of Hermione’s hands and stands up again. Harry quickly grabs his bag and the two of them walk out of the Great Hall. They are just about to go up the stairs when Oliver catches up with them.

“You’re coming, Harry?” he asks.

“Oh, fuck,” Harry says. He turns around and grins at Wood. “I’ll be right there, Wood. Family emergency,” Harry tells him.

“I can go to Remus alone,” Neville says. “I promise I won’t do anything stupid.”

“Are you sure?” Harry asks.

“Come on, Harry. We need to speak tactics,” Oliver says. “Your brother won’t die if he has to go see your uncle alone. But you will die if you are late for Quidditch practise again.”

Harry hesitates. Will Neville go to Remus? Or will he go after Pettigrew as soon as he’s alone? But they promised dad. There is no way that Neville will break that promise, will he? He’ll be fine. Harry has to trust him. And Wood has been complaining about Harry’s lack of practice. Harry needs to step up his game if he wants to stay on the Quidditch team. He can’t have Wood replace him now. The cup will be lost if that happens.

“They are going to catch him,” Harry tells Neville before he turns and follows Oliver out of the entrance hall.

* * *

Harry is a fool. He’s halfway between the castle and the Quidditch field when he stops in his tracks. If it was him, he would take the map and hunt down Pettigrew. No matter the promise they made. And Neville is just like Harry, maybe even worse when it comes to Pettigrew. He wants justice and revenge. Neville isn’t going to go to Uncle Remus. Neville is probably on his way to the Hufflepuff common room to end Pettigrew once and for all, right now.

“I’m sorry, Oliver,” Harry shouts as he turns and starts to run. He can handle an upset Oliver. He can’t handle an angry father and a crying mother, because Harry didn’t stop Neville from getting himself killed.

“Fuck you, Harry!” Oliver shouts back. “Be glad you are the only decent Seeker in our house, or you would be off the team now.”

Harry doesn’t stop. Doesn’t even reply to Oliver’s shouts. He needs to find Neville and stop him. He can’t lose his brother. Neville is the fucking ‘Boy Who Lived’, and Harry is going to make sure it stays that way. Nobody is killing Neville today. And especially not that rat Pettigrew.

Even at top speed, it seems as if the castle is still miles away. Harry pushes forward. He breathes loudly as his legs take step after step. As quickly as he can he makes his way back. He bursts through the door and looks around. He’s got no clue which way is to the Hufflepuff common room. It’s not the same way as the Slytherin dungeons. Whenever Harry walks with Draco to his common room, he’s never seen any Hufflepuffs. So it must be the other way? Down the stairs to the right, instead of left? But what if Harry is wrong? What if he goes the wrong way and doesn’t find Neville in time? Neville could die.

Some Hufflepuff first years come up the stairs. They are laughing. Harry hates them for it. Don’t they understand that they are all in danger at the moment? Most of all his family. His brother.

“Have you seen Neville?” he snaps at the girls. Their faces go blank as if they don’t know who Harry is talking about.

“My brother. The ‘Boy Who Lived’. Have you seen him?” Harry says with narrowed eyes. How can they not know who Neville is? The entire school knows Neville. He’s a celebrity. A dead celebrity if Harry doesn’t find him soon.

The girls start laughing again. Harry considers hexing them, but that won’t help him find Neville. “What’s so funny,” he snaps. “I need to find him.”

“He’s down the stairs, to the left,” one of the girls stutters out between her laughs.

Harry doesn’t hesitate and runs down the stairs. He turns to his left and then stops in his tracks. Draco stands in the middle of the hallway, with his wand in front of him. Neville lays on the floor only a couple of meters away from him. He isn’t moving. Is Harry too late? Is Neville already dead? And is Pettigrew still here? Is that why Draco has his wand out?

“The Boy Who Lived is down,” a familiar voice jokes. “Bested by the mute, who would have thought that.”

Harry blinks and then spots some Hufflepuff students at the end of the hallway. Justin Finch-Fletchley and Hannah Abbott are among them. They all grin at the scene in front of them. A scene that horrifies Harry. How can they laugh at it? But wait a second. Did Justin just say that Draco stopped Neville?

“Oh, Malfoy better watch out,” Hannah says. “I don’t think his friendship with Potter is going to last now he’s attacked his brother.”

“He attacked Neville?” Harry shouts at them.

“Yeah,” Justin shouts. “I think he used a Body-Bind Curse. They were waving their hands around and then Longbottom turned and tried to run away. But his entire body froze and he tripped forwards. I think his nose might be broken, but otherwise, he seems okay.”

Harry stares at the Hufflepuffs. Do they truly believe this is funny? And why haven’t they checked on Neville? The only thing they do is just stand there and laugh. Hufflepuffs are the worst.

Draco just stands in the middle of the hallway. His wand still points towards Neville. With delicate steps, Harry moves towards him. Draco must have tried to stop Neville from going after Pettigrew. Draco, who seems to notice that the students in front of him are talking to someone behind him because he slowly turns around. His wide eyes lock with Harry’s. His hands drop to his sides and his wand rolls out of his grip.

“I did it,” he signs. He looks around at Neville and then back to Harry. His mouth opens and closes.

A huge smile forms on Harry’s face. “I can see,” Harry signs back. His heart hammers in his chest and he’s glad he doesn’t have to speak. “You stopped him,” Harry signs.

“Yes,” Draco signs. “You’re mad?”

Harry shakes his head. No, he isn’t mad. He’s grateful. And so fucking proud.

“You cast a spell to save him,” Harry signs.

Draco’s face splits into a smile. Harry lightly shakes his head and grins at Draco. Neville is safe. Draco made sure he wouldn’t go after Pettigrew alone. And he cast a spell successfully. He’s brilliant. And so fucking beautiful. And Harry loves him.

Harry doesn’t think. He walks up to Draco, takes his face in his hands and places a kiss on Draco’s lips.

And then the world crumbles. Draco flinches and pushes Harry away from him. His eyes are wide and he claps a hand over his mouth. He shakes his head and takes steps away from Harry. His eyes tear      up and Harry wants to reach out. Only the distance between them grows by the second. Harry messed up. He needs to say something. He wants to take it all back. If only Draco would just stop his tread away from him. Harry reaches out as a tear escapes Draco’s eye.

“Oh my god. Did Potter just kiss Malfoy?” Justin says. Harry can hear the disgust in his voice. Before dinner starts the entire school will know that Harry tried to kiss a boy. And was turned down. Tears well up in Harry’s eyes. He can’t deal with all of that right now. Not now his heart breaks apart. Draco moves further and further away. He passes by Neville, who’s still motionless on the floor. And then he turns and runs. Harry wants to go after him. Wants to stop him and tell him he’s sorry. Tell him he won’t ever do anything like that again. As long as he can keep Draco as his friend. Only Harry is frozen to the spot.

The Hufflepuffs move. They walk in a big arc around Harry. Because maybe he’s contagious. Only Hannah moves closer and pats him on his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she says. And then they are gone. Harry is alone in the hallway with Neville. He should free Neville from the hex. Only Harry can’t move.

It’s Hermione that shows up moments later and who helps Neville. Neville gets up, turns to Harry and hugs him. “You fool,” he says. It’s enough to break the dam. Harry slacks against his brother and cries. Neville holds him up and lets him. Harry can hear Ron mutter behind him, asking what the bloody Merlin happened.

“I believe he kissed Draco,” Neville says. “I couldn’t see it, as I was face down on the floor. But what I did see was Draco running away and Justin Finch-Fletchley almost puking from disgust. If I see him, he’s going to pay for that.”

“He’s telling everyone who wants to hear that Harry is gay,” Ginny says with contempt, followed by a softer “Is Harry okay?”

“I’m fine,” Harry says. “I just want to go.” He wants to disappear. He can’t stand the thought that the entire school will know soon that he’s gay. He doesn’t want to see the faces of disgust and lose some of his popularity. Harry never thought it meant anything, but now that he’s about to lose it, he realises he loves all the attention. He likes being popular. And now he will be an outcast. An outcast, who just lost one of his best friends, because he fell in love with them.

* * *

Chapter Text

They all skip dinner on Saturday. Harry can’t find the strength to go to the Great Hall and have everyone stare at him. Fred and George stop by with some food. Ron is grateful. Not even Harry’s heartache can stop Ron from finishing the bowl with meatballs. He does give one to Harry, and Neville makes sure he gets some as well. Only Harry’s meatball stays on Harry’s plate. Untouched, just like the rest of his food. Harry pushes it around for a while and then just puts his plate down. He crawls into his bed, pulls the curtains around him and closes his eyes, in the hope he will fall asleep quickly.

Only sleep doesn’t come. The look on Draco’s face after Harry kissed him won’t leave Harry alone. He turns and tosses all night. He dozes off a couple of times, but never for long. Morning comes, and Harry’s glad the night is over. But he also dreads getting out of his bed. He clutches his arms around his chest and keeps his curtains closed. He heard Dean when he and Seamus came into the room last night. Harry was the talk of the day. And there is no doubt he will still be today.

The others roam around the room. Harry ignores them all. Seamus and Dean leave. And then Harry’s curtains open a little. Harry turns to look at who bothers him. Neville stares back at him.

“You want us to bring you breakfast?” Neville asks.

“I’m fine,” Harry says and turns his back to his brother. He can’t look at him and see the pity on his face. It will make it all real.

Neville pats Harry on his shoulder and then closes the curtain again. The door of the dorm opens and then it’s all silent around Harry. He doesn’t plan to get out of his bed today. He might not be able to stay in his dorm for the rest of the year, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to.

Silent tears fall from Harry’s eyes. Whenever he closes them, he sees the horror in Draco’s eyes. Harry should look him up and tell him he’s sorry. He needs to make sure that Draco knows that Harry won’t ever try anything like that again. And then he needs to beg him to stay Harry’s friend. Harry just wants to still be his friend.

It’s that thought that gets Harry out of bed in the end. With slow movements, he brushes his hair and cleans his teeth. He pulls on a comfortable sweater and some jeans. He takes a deep breath and stares at the door. Once he steps out of the dorm it will all be real. Harry shivers and he feels a little sick. He knows that all the people that matter are okay with him being gay. Well, almost all of them. There is one that didn’t seem to be okay with it at all. Why did that one person have to be Draco? Why couldn’t it have been someone like Seamus or Dean? They are just some dorm mates, and Harry doesn’t care about them in the same way he cares about Draco. He could have dealt with their disapproval of his sexuality.

People stare at Harry as he walks through the common room. Whispers follow him when he makes his way down to the Great Hall. Heads turn when he sits down next to his friends. Harry ignores them and grabs some sausages and toast. With dread, he looks towards the Slytherin table.

“He’s not there,” Hermione says from his left.

“He also wasn’t at dinner last night,” Ron says. “Ginny looked for him, but she thinks he’s been hiding in the Slytherin dungeon. Nobody she knows has seen him.”

Harry stares at his plate and the breakfast he dished himself. He doesn’t want to eat it. Only his stomach growls. Harry takes his knife and cuts into the sausages as the conversation around him continues.

“That girl is too popular,” Fred says.

“And still, she only cares for Loony Lovegood,” George replies.

“You think mum will be upset when she finds out that Ginny likes girls? She still hasn’t got over that day that Charlie told her he will never marry a girl and give her grandchildren,” Fred continues.

“Mum will be fine,” Ron says, bored by the subject already.

“I need to talk to him,” Harry says. He doesn’t look up when he says it. He knows everyone around him knows who he means.

“You’ll have to wait until he shows himself,” Neville says. “He’s our only friend in Slytherin. And there is no way any of his housemates are going to let you in their dungeon.”

“I know,” Harry sighs. Tears are pricking at the corners of his eyes again. Somehow, he knows that the longer it takes before he can explain himself to Draco, the smaller the chance becomes that Draco will stay his friend.

Harry brings a piece of sausage to his mouth. He chews on it without tasting it. Hermione leans against him for a second in comfort and then changes the subject. Plans are getting made for the day. Harry doesn’t listen to them. He just focuses on getting some food past his lips. He’s hungry, but on the other hand, he doesn’t want to eat. And all the while people keep staring at him. Is this how it always feels like for Neville? The looks and whispers are a pain, only reminding Harry how one little kiss ruined everything.

“Is it true?” Angela asks as she stops next to the table.

“Is what true, dear Angela?” Fred asks.

“Not talking to you, Fred. Not until I hear an apology,” Angela spits.

“What did you do now?” Ron asks.

“None of your business, brother. Just like it’s none of Angela’s business if it’s true or not,” George answers.

“It’s okay, George,” Harry says. He looks up and tries to plaster a smile on his face. He’s sure it doesn’t work and he must look awful, but it will have to do. “And yes, Angela, the rumours are true.”

Angela nods. “Okay,” she says. Harry bites his bottom lip with anticipation. Angela is Fred’s girlfriend, so hopefully she won’t be so close-minded and have an issue with this. Because if she does, then Harry has a bigger problem than he thought. It won’t be only losing Draco that he will have to fear. He might lose his place on the Quidditch team.

“Don’t take crap from anyone,” she continues after a short pause. “George is right, it’s nobody’s business but yours. And maybe that Malfoy kid. If that part is true also?”

Harry looks at his food. Fresh tears start to well up.

“Fuck, Harry. I’m sorry,” Angela says. “And here I’m being upset about a silly joke.”

“Yes, extremely silly. You should forgive me,” Fred pipes in.

“Don’t think you are getting off that easy,” Angela spits at him. But she seems to forgive him anyway, as she leans down and places a kiss on his lips before she walks away.

When Harry finally finishes his plate, he and his friends get up to go and get some fresh air. Harry isn’t sure he wants to join them, but he also doesn’t want to be alone. But then he spots Draco in the hallway. Their eyes meet and Harry rushes forward. Only Draco shakes his head and then hurries away. Harry doesn’t hesitate and runs after him. It isn’t until he can take a hold of Draco’s arm that Draco stops and turns to face him.

“Leave me alone,” Draco signs.

“Please, just let me explain,” Harry begs.

“Leave me alone,” Draco signs again. “Don’t ever talk to me.”

Harry is rooted to his spot as Draco turns and walks away from him. The spinning motion of the word ‘ever’ was clearly there. It wasn’t a mix-up, it was deliberate. It’s not just now. Draco never wants to talk to Harry again. The sausage from that morning tries to come up again as Harry stares at the hallway Draco disappeared in. The colour drains from his face and then he hunches over.

“Harry, what happened? Are you okay?” Neville asks as he catches up with Harry.

“He’s gone mental,” Ron says.

“Ron, don’t be a jerk,” Hermione scolds him.

“What, just look at him. He’s pale and unresponsive. Clear signs of going mental,” Ron says.

Harry doesn’t care what his friends think. Draco hates him. Draco never wants to talk to him again. They won’t be friends anymore. Harry ruined it all.

“Harry, you want us to take you to the hospital wing?” Neville asks. He pushes Harry upright and looks at him with a weak smile. Harry should say something. He should move and go on with his life. Only he doesn’t know if he can.

“He hates me,” Harry whispers. Fresh tears well up. Harry doesn’t care that he’s in the middle of the hallway and that everyone can see him. Neville pulls Harry into a tight hug. Ron and Hermione join them. Harry hides between them as he sobs. It’s sweet and well meant, only it doesn’t comfort Harry. His heart just broke into a million pieces and he doesn’t know how it will ever heal and be whole again.

* * *

The door to the dorm opens. Harry doesn’t open his eyes to see who comes in. He has no idea what time it is by now. It must be close to lunch. It’s been a while since Ron and Neville left, rushing off to the first class of the day. They pleaded with Harry to join them. For him to get out of bed. But Harry ignored them. And he will ignore them now. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone. He just wants to be left alone.

The curtains open and Harry’s bed dips. Someone sits down on the edge. A soft hand rubs over Harry’s back.

“Go away,” he says as new tears fall into his pillow.

“Harry,” Remus says gently. “I heard what happened this weekend.”

“You and everyone else,” Harry sobs. He turns closer to the edge of the bed, away from Remus and his comforting hand.

Remus doesn’t say anything else. He just sits at the edge of the bed and lets Harry cry. It’s a nasty trick. One that Lily also uses when Harry doesn’t want to talk. When he wants to be left alone. The first time she used it, that Harry can remember, is when he found out that Neville wasn’t his real brother. Harry had been so upset. Neville was his best friend, they shared a room. There was no way they weren’t brothers. Lily had silently sat next to him until Harry couldn’t be angry anymore and just wanted to cry in his mother’s arms. And now the same will happen. Harry wants to be comforted. He wants to crawl into his uncle’s arms and have him tell Harry that everything will be okay, even if it’s not the truth.

“He hates me,” Harry finally says. He sits up and Remus holds up his arm so Harry can crawl against his chest.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Remus says.

“I shouldn’t have kissed him,” Harry says. It was the biggest mistake he ever made. And now Draco will never talk to Harry again. It hurts so bad. Harry’s heart aches and he just wants to disappear and never come back.

Remus chuckles. “You Potter’s never do things the normal way, do you?”

“It isn’t funny,” Harry complains.

“No, it’s not,” Remus says in a soft tone. “But your dad will be proud. He never was brave enough to kiss Lily out of the blue, but he did serenade her in the Great Hall to show her that he loves her.”

“Yes, and mum told him to shut his mouth and refused to go out with him for another year,” Harry says. He’s heard the story many times. It’s one of Uncle Sirius’ favourites to tell when he gets a little tipsy.

“But he got her in the end, remember that,” Remus says.

“You think I’ve still got a chance with Draco?” Harry asks.

“I don’t know, Harry,” Remus says. “But give him some time.”

Harry closes his eyes. “It hurts,” he says. “The way he told me to leave him alone. It was clear he was angry. I have never seen him sign like that.”

“Harry, if young Malfoy’s family is anything close to Sirius’ family, he’s been raised to believe that a man is only allowed to marry a woman,” Remus says. Harry sits up a little straighter so he can look at Remus. Remus his features are soft and he keeps steady eye contact with Harry.

“And I’m not saying that Draco has feelings for you,” Remus continues. “But if he has, he might be frightened of them. You told me his father is already angry because it came out he’s deaf. I’m sure his father won’t take it lightly if being gay piles up on that.”

It’s not that this hasn’t crossed Harry’s mind. He’s heard the stories about Uncle Sirius’ upbringing and how he was kicked out when he told his parents he was gay. But Draco wouldn’t have pushed Harry away the way he did. There is no way he could have looked that horrified when he feels the same. Harry is sure of this. Draco doesn’t want Harry in the way Harry wants him. And there is nothing that Harry can do to change that.

“Is it ever going to hurt less?” Harry asks.

“I don’t know,” Remus says. “It’s always been Sirius for me. I never had to go through getting my heart broken.”

“I wanted Draco to be my Sirius,” Harry says. And he means it. When he looks at his uncles, he sees what he wants for himself. They are so happy together. Harry had hoped he could be that happy together with Draco, to marry him one day and grow old with him. And having that dream snatch away from him hurts. And nothing Harry can think of will make it less painful.

“But Draco also needs to want to be yours for that to work,” Remus says. “And I’m sure that if he’s not your Sirius, there will be someone else for you.” Harry knows his uncle means well, but right now, Harry doesn’t even want to think of someone else. And truth be told, Harry doesn’t think he will ever want anyone else than Draco. The way he feels about him is the same as how James feels about Lily. Harry knows. Draco is the one for him. And if he can’t have Draco, he will have nobody.

“I get why you want to hide away,” Remus continues. “And I won’t force you to go to any of your classes today. But hiding away won’t stop others from talking about you. You will have to face the music. And better sooner than later. You don’t want to give the haters the idea that you’re ashamed of who you are. Because it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I know,” Harry says.

“And you should tell your parents,” Remus says. “They would want to know that you’re out now. James was a big help when Sirius and I went public. He will want to support you with this.”

Harry again tells his uncle that he knows. He’s not afraid to lose his friends or his family. They all already know and are all okay with him being gay. It’s more that he hates how others talk about him now. Even here in the Gryffindor tower. And the way that Justin spoke to him after Harry kissed Draco, it was painful. It’s not that they were friends or anything, but what gave him the right to talk about Harry as if he’s an abomination. He’s a normal kid, who just happens to be gay. He should not let them get to him, but it hurts. Not as much as the hurt from losing Draco, but it doesn’t help either. It just makes Harry want to hide away even more. Isn’t it enough that he’s lost his best friend and the boy he loves because of one silly action? Does he also have to defend himself to others, just because they don’t understand?

“I’ll go back to classes tomorrow,” Harry says. “And I’ll write mum and dad today, I promise. But now, I want to be alone.”

“Okay,” Remus says. “Just know we’re all here for you when you need us.”

“I know,” Harry says. He feels like it’s all he’s been saying today. He knows it all. That still doesn’t make him want to face it and go out into the world.

Remus kisses Harry on the top of his head and then stands up. “We love you just the way you are, Harry,” he says and then he leaves. Harry is again alone in the dorm. He falls back down on his bed and cries. Is he a horrible person for wanting to give up everyone he loves, if it would mean that Draco would love him? It’s a silly thought. But it’s there, in Harry’s mind. He would give up everything for Draco. Even James, Lily, Neville and Iris. And that is the scariest thing Harry’s ever felt in his entire life.

* * *

It has been two weeks. People don’t stare at Harry anymore. Some of them ignore him now that it’s public knowledge that he fancies boys. Harry hates it that people can change their minds about him so quickly. But otherwise, he’s fine. He goes to his classes, he’s still on the Quidditch team and he hangs out with his friends. It’s all normal. Except for the fact that Draco doesn’t join him anymore. The first class they shared was difficult. Harry wanted to sit down next to Draco and have it be as always. It was Hermione who took Harry by the arm and pushed him into a seat next to her.

“You don’t want to make a scene,” she said.

Harry had nodded and then spent the rest of the class staring at Draco’s back, somehow trying to force him to look at him with his mind. It hadn’t worked of course, but what else was Harry supposed to do during History of Magic. It’s not as if that class is exciting or anything.

The staring hasn’t stopped. Harry does it now too. He sits with his friends at the Gryffindor table. He pretends to eat his food and listen to their conversation. Ron is going on about another essay they are supposed to write. Harry doesn’t care. He hasn’t finished any of his homework for the past two weeks. It was something he used to do with Draco. They would sit in silence and work. And now, Harry is always surrounded by sound. He gets distracted and just gives up.

“He’s not listening,” Neville says beside him. He must mean Harry, but Harry’s eyes are fixed on the Slytherin table. Draco sits there, with a smile on his face. Greengrass sits opposite of him. Her hands fly around as she signs something. Draco laughs and signs back. He looks happy. He looks fine. How can he be fine? Doesn’t it hurt at all that he’s lost his best friend? Has he replaced Harry this easily?

“Fuck,” Neville says as he spots them. Ron and Hermione turn and take a look too.

“I need to go,” Harry says. He stands up and blinks with his eyes. He won’t cry in front of the entire school again. “I’ve got Quidditch practice.”

Harry takes one last look at Draco. He smiles that private little smile that he only used to do around Harry. But now it’s directed at Greengrass. Harry swallows and runs out of the Great Hall. Footsteps follow him, but Harry doesn’t stop. He runs out of the school, past the hedges and onto the path towards the Quidditch field.

“Harry, you don’t have practice tonight,” Neville yells from behind him.

Harry doesn’t stop. He knows this. He just needs to get out and away. He needs to be alone in a place that won’t remind him of Draco. So he can cry in peace without having the entire school talk about him again tomorrow.

“Come on, Harry, just slow down. Please,” Neville shouts again. He can’t keep up with Harry. He’s never had the same endurance. It’s why Harry is the jock and Neville the guy that likes to dig around in the dirt and cares for plants.

Tears stream down Harry’s face when he finally slows down. He’s close to the forbidden forest. He wonders if Aragog is doing okay. And if he’s set his children on anyone else lately. No students have gone missing, so it must be fine. It’s still a miracle Neville, Ron and Harry made it out alive last year. It was not one of Harry’s best ideas. They never should have listened to Hagrid.

Harry slumps down on a rock and looks at the dark trees. Time goes by slowly. After some time, Neville sits down next to him.

“I told Hermione and Ron to stay away,” Neville says. “Thought you didn’t want too many eyes around while you cry.”

“I’m not crying,” Harry says in a monotone voice.

Neville puts his arm around Harry and pulls him close. “Tell that to the tears on your cheeks.”

“They won’t listen,” Harry answers. He wipes some tears from his face and then lets his head rest on Neville’s shoulder. “It’s like I never was his friend,” Harry whispers. He hates how the words sound. How real it all becomes when they are out of his mind and into the world. Harry wants to have that smile be just for him again. He wants to be the one to make Draco laugh and make him happy. Why isn’t he allowed to do that? And when did Greengrass become his friend? Just because she knows BSL? She didn’t help Draco before. She lived with him in the same dorms for years, and never tried to help Draco. Harry was the one who helped him. Doesn’t that count for anything?

“You’re freaking out in your head, aren’t you?” Neville asks.

“Maybe,” Harry says.

“You need to forget about him, Harry. It’s clear he’s forgotten about you,” Neville says.

Harry moves away from Neville. He wants to punch him for saying it. Harry shakes his head and then drops it into his hands. A small worm wiggles through the grass next to Harry’s rock. Harry watches it and then looks back up.

“I know he’s got Greengrass now,” Harry says. “The perfect pure-blood witch to marry and make his father happy.”

“I don’t think he’s thinking about marrying her,” Neville says. “They seem to be just friends.”

Harry shakes his head. “He only used to smile that way when he was around me. I thought it meant something.”

Neville pushes his foot over the ground. Harry watches it. He’s seen Neville do it before. Mostly when he’s trying to come up with a good lie to tell their parents when they did something they weren’t supposed to.

“You don’t have to lie and say it’s different, or all in my head,” Harry says. “I know he doesn’t want me. It’s just hard to forget.” He pushes his hair out of his face. “And it fucking hurts.”

“Wish I could make it better,” Neville says. “Draco was a fool for leading you on like that, and we all won’t talk to him ever again.”

Harry chuckles. “It’s not as if he can hear you,” he jokes. And that is the worst part of all. By Harry’s silly action, Draco hasn’t just lost one friend. He’s lost four. He must hate Harry for doing this to him.

“Hermione’s pissed off,” Neville says. “She spent hours improving her BSL for him. Yesterday she complained that she could have used that time on her homework.”

Harry blinks the last tears away, glad for the change of subject as he doesn’t want to think about how he’s hurt Draco by falling in love with him. “I still don’t get how she can get to all her classes,” he says.

“Nobody gets it,” Neville says. “But it’s starting to take its toll. She yells at Ron more and more. This way they are never getting together.”

“You still think that Ron having a girlfriend will make him less angry about the fact that you want to kiss his little sister?” Harry asks.

“Not sure if that’s ever happening,” Neville says. “Fred and George said she might be gay. And I’ve heard she was spotted kissing Luna the other day.”

Harry looks at Neville, who stares at his hands. “We’re two idiots, both falling for people that don’t fancy boys,” he says.

They both laugh and the tension is gone. “It would have been nice, to have a girlfriend,” Neville says. “Maybe then Lavender and Parvati will leave us alone.”

“Don’t think that will stop them,” Harry says. “Lavender is still trying to hit on me, even now, when she knows I’m gay.”

“That’s just twisted,” Neville says.

They fall silent. It’s twisted. But isn’t it the same as what Harry did? Draco never gave any sign of being gay, and still, Harry hit on him. Tried to kiss him even. Of course, Draco doesn’t want to have anything to do with Harry anymore. Just as Harry doesn’t want to hang out with Lavender and Parvati. He’s been such a fool. It all makes sense now. If only it would hurt less now that it does. But the pain in Harry’s heart doesn’t seem to go away. Or leave him alone. It’s all he can think about.

“We need a distraction,” Neville says. “We can’t be sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves, just because Draco and Ginny don’t get how amazing we are.”

A distraction sounds good. Harry nods his agreement. He would do anything to forget about the pain inside of him.

“I know we promised dad,” Neville says. “But I think we need to go look for Pettigrew. He was in the castle two weeks ago, he can’t be far away. And the Aurors don’t seem to be able to catch him.”

Harry isn’t sure if that is a good idea. Getting them both killed is not the best way to deal with heartache. But it will get their minds off it all. And Pettigrew needs to be found. They can see if they can figure out where he’s hiding. And then tell their dad. They won’t go after him but just look for him. That way they won’t technically break their promise.

“We’ll go find him,” Harry agrees. It’s the best way to forget about Draco and his new girlfriend.

* * *

Neville sits down next to Harry. He places the latest issue of the Daily Prophet on Harry’s homework. The headline is clear. Pettigrew has been spotted in Hogsmeade again. The article doesn’t include much. Some local had spotted the man at the edge of the village. It was close to sundown, and it was hard to see, but the person is sure that it was Pettigrew. Harry believes the man. It’s clear that Pettigrew is close by. He’s been close for months. So why has nothing happened until now? And why is he here? Does he want to kill Neville or Sirius? Harry wishes he knew.

“He has to be hiding in the forest around the town,” Neville says.

“We need to know what he wants if we’re going to narrow it down,” Harry says.

“You mean if he’s after me or after Sirius?” Neville asks.

“Our both of you,” Harry says. It makes the most sense. Kill the boy that killed Voldemort and the man that got you locked up in Azkaban. But that would      be too easy. Pettigrew likes to hurt others. Maybe he will want to make the persons responsible for his incarceration suffer? Hurt them instead of killing them. Harry shakes his head. Pettigrew would want to hurt them. And that means he’s not after Sirius or Neville. “He’s not after Sirius. He wants revenge, make Sirius and dad suffer.”

“Fuck,” Neville says. “He’s after you, Iris and Uncle Remus.”

Harry nods. He closes his potions book. He hasn’t written a single word for his essay in the last half hour. Snape will be happy when he can again take points from Gryffindor. Harry doesn’t care anymore.

“Most likely,” Harry says. “And you as a bonus to please Voldemort, for if the man ever returns.”

“So, he’ll be close to Hogwarts,” Neville says. Neville drums his feet against the floor. His eyes sparkle as he pulls the Daily Prophet away from Harry.

“Yes, with easy access to the path from here to Hogsmeade,” Harry says. “He might hope to get lucky and catch Uncle Remus on his way from school to his home.”

“Or us, when there is a Hogsmeade weekend,” Neville says.

“He must have been so disappointed that we weren’t alone during our last trip,” Harry says. He swallows and looks out of the window for a second. Draco was with them the last time they went to Hogsmeade. Harry knew then that he’d fallen in love. And Neville had known. It was a great day. One Harry will never forget, no matter how much it hurts to think back to it.

“You’re thinking of him, aren’t you?” Neville asks.

“Yeah,” Harry says with a tearful voice. He scrapes his throat. “I can’t seem to stop it. He’s always on my mind.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought up the Hogsmeade weekends,” Neville says.

Harry shakes his head and looks back at his brother. “It’s fine,” he says even though it’s not. Harry had hoped that this new focus, that their search for Pettigrew, would help him forget about Draco and the pain inside his heart. But it doesn’t. Everything seems dull without Draco. Harry can’t put his mind at rest, always dreaming of Draco and what could have been.

“You don’t have to lie to me,” Neville says. He pats Harry on the back.

“Neville, please drop it,” Harry says. He can’t do this. He won’t cry in front of his brother again. No matter how much it hurts, Harry will forget about Draco. He has to. He picks up the newspaper and goes over the article again. “Do you know where this street is they mention?” he asks.

Neville shakes his head. “We could ask Sirius. He won’t try to stop us.”

“No, he will,” Harry says. “He’s scared. The last time he faced the rat he lost his hearing.”

“Maybe Madam Prince has a map of Hogsmeade,” Neville says. “I’ll ask her tomorrow.”

Harry smiles at Neville. They are going to find the rat, and then the world will be a little safer again. “Cool,” he says. “And then we can go and see where the best places to hide are on our next trip to Hogsmeade on the weekend before Easter break.”

“What are we doing on our Hogsmeade weekend before Easter?” Hermione asks. She sits down next to Harry and takes the newspaper. “Don’t tell me, you two are going to try to find him.”

“Yes, we are,” Neville says. “And you won’t stop us.”

Hermione puffs. “Please God, help us,” she says. “The Potter brothers are going to get themselves killed.”

“Shut up, Hermione,” Harry sneers. “We need to do this. And if you’re not going to help us, then stay out of it.”

“Fine, I won’t say another word,” Hermione says. She stands up and drops the newspaper on Harry’s books. “You’re such a prat ever since Draco dumped your arse.”

Harry opens his mouth to respond, but no words come out. He just watches as Hermione walks away and joins Ginny and Ron on the other side of the common room.

“He didn’t dump me,” Harry whispers after some time. He looks down at his unfinished homework. He’s supposed to finish his Potions essay before Quidditch practise this afternoon. But the parchment is still unused. Every time he tries to start, Draco pops into his mind. He was so good at explaining potions to Harry. He made homework seem easy and even fun. Harry could do it all with Draco sitting next to him. But now, it’s hard. Harry just longs for Draco to be next to him again. Maybe then Harry will be able to finish his school year with some decent grades. He might even enjoy Quidditch again. If only Draco would be with him.

Harry rolls up his parchment and picks up all his belongings. He gets up and walks back to his dorm. He dumps his books on his chest and lays down in his bed. It doesn’t take long before Neville comes in and lays down beside him.

“You’re not a prat,” Neville says.

Harry doesn’t respond. He stares at the ceiling of his four-poster and wonders if he’ll ever get back to being his normal self. He wants to be that popular kid again, who chats with everyone and loves being in the centre of attention. He hates the person he’s becoming. This quiet boy who hates the world. Hermione is right. He’s been a prat. Only Harry doesn’t know how to change that. He has no idea how to forget about Draco and the pain in his heart so he can get back to being the person he was before he fell in love.

* * *

Ron snores as usual. He’s fast asleep. Just as Neville, Seamus and Dean. Only Harry lays awake in his bed. He’s had a nightmare. It started as a good dream. Harry was in the library with Draco. They were doing their homework. Their knees were touching and they kept smiling at each other. But then it all changed. Pettigrew was suddenly there. There was nothing Harry could do. Green light flashed around them. Harry looked at Draco. His head lay on the table, his eyes still open, but he was dead.

Then Harry woke up.

Only now the image of Draco being dead is stuck in his mind. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees it again. Draco’s blank stare. It paralyses Harry. So he just stares at the ceiling of his four-poster. Until he can’t stand the sight of it any longer. He gets up and pulls some sweatpants on. Then he pulls his cloak from his chest. He hasn’t used the thing in weeks. But tonight feels like the perfect night to wander around the castle.

On his tiptoes, Harry sneaks out of the dormitory. Down the stairs and into the empty common room. The fire is still going. Fresh wood lays beside it. All the junk has been cleaned away. It seems the house-elves have already done their job.

“Who’s there?” the Fat Lady asks when Harry pushes the portrait open. “Students should not be out of bed at this time of the night,” she complains.

Harry ignores her and just walks away. She can’t see him, so there is no way she will be able to rat him out.

The castle is quiet. Most portraits are asleep. Some of them snore, others talk in their sleep. Harry watches them. It sounds so easy, being a portrait. Never hungry, or scared. You never have to worry about getting your heart broken. Or fear for the lives of the people you love.

Tonight was not the first nightmare. Harry’s had them before. Most of the time it’s Neville that ends up dead on the floor. Sometimes it’s Iris or Uncle Remus. Tonight was the first time it was Draco who died. And that was worse than all the other dreams. Does that make Harry a terrible person? He’s more upset about seeing the boy who rejected him die, than seeing his own family being killed. Shouldn’t he have forgotten all about Draco by now? It’s clear that Draco has moved on. With Daphne Greengrass of all people. She’s so posh and boring. What on earth does Draco even see in her?

Harry wanders around the castle for a long time. The moon is out tonight and lights up the corridors. Harry looks out one of the windows and spots the Quidditch pitch. He sits down on the ledge and stares into the distance. Soft tears fall from his eyes. He wipes them away with the back of his hand. He should be done with crying about Draco Malfoy. He’s only thirteen years old. There will be other boys. Boys that will fancy him back and won’t drop him as if their friendship meant nothing the moment they find out that Harry is gay.

That’s the worst of it all. Harry doesn’t mind that Draco doesn’t like him in that way. But why can’t they stay friends? They got along great. Is it that bad that Harry is gay? Harry never thought Draco would be that closed-minded. He knows what it’s like to be part of a minority that isn’t all that accepted in the wizarding world. It might not be the same, being deaf and being gay, but they’re both frowned upon. They could have supported each other. Harry had expected Draco to see that Harry is still the same person, someone worth his time.

Harry rests his head on his knees and looks at the Quidditch pitch in the distance. Not that long ago he was on that pitch with Draco, helping him get into the air on a broom. Harry had never seen Draco that happy. He was so beautiful that day. It was the day that Harry realised he’s in love with Draco. And now Harry will do anything to get that back. He wants nothing more than to have another afternoon in the sky with Draco. To have him sit behind Harry while they fly through the sky. To feel Draco’s arms around his waist again. Harry wants to hold him close and keep him safe. Safe from the person that wants to destroy them all.

Neville and Harry looked for a spot to hide yesterday on their way to Hogsmeade. They didn’t find anything at all. Hermione and Ron didn’t help. Hermione thinks the whole idea of tracking down Pettigrew is insane. And Ron wants to stay on her good side, so he agrees with her. If he wasn’t so head over heels for Hermione, he would have helped. Ron always loves a good adventure.

Harry hates the idea that Pettigrew is still on the loose. It’s been months. James had promised they would have him back in Azkaban in no time at all. And even though James never meant to break that promise, it happened anyway. Harry is angry. His dad is supposed to keep them all safe. That’s why he works for the Auror department. And what does it even mean that they still haven’t found Pettigrew. Are they all incapable of doing their job? Or is Pettigrew that smart that he can stay out of their sight? Did James tell his colleagues that Pettigrew can turn into a rat? Or is he keeping that a secret to protect Uncle Remus?

But surely James would have told them. It’s important information to catch Pettigrew. But they still haven’t. And now Harry keeps dreaming about the man. He sees him over and over again in his sleep. And he’s always too late to stop him from killing the others.

Harry closes his eyes. He’s tired. Maybe he should go back to the dorms and try to sleep again.

The image of Draco being dead pops into his mind again.

Or maybe staying awake is better.

Harry places his hand against the glass. “I miss you,” he whispers. It’s what he wants to tell Draco. “It hurts seeing you with Greengrass. Please talk to me again when we get back from Easter break.”

Is Draco even going home during Easter? Or will he be alone at the castle this time around? No, not alone. A lot of students from higher years stay at the castle during Easter. To study for their exams and stuff like that. Draco won’t be alone. But will there be anyone he can communicate with? Harry wishes he could talk to Draco, to at least make sure he will be fine during break. Harry just wants him to be fine and happy.

What if he stays alone in the library? And then Pettigrew shows up. What if Harry’s dream comes true?

Harry sobs into his knees. “Don’t die,” he says to the empty air. “I don’t mind if you never talk to me again, but please don’t die.” The idea alone is terrifying. A world without Draco is a world not worth living in.

By the time the sun makes an appearance on the horizon, Harry makes his way back to the dormitory. Neville is awake when he comes back.

“You’re good?” he asks when Harry closes the door behind him.

“Yeah,” Harry says as he takes off the cloak. “Just needed some time alone.”

Neville doesn’t say anything else. He turns around in his bed and falls asleep again. Harry lays down in his bed, but sleep doesn’t find him. His mind keeps drifting back to his nightmare and his heart aches.

* * *

Chapter Text

“Are you doing okay, Harry?” James asks. He holds out a glass of lemonade for Harry.

Harry takes the glass and stares at the liquid inside it. James sits down on the small garden bench beside Harry. Harry’s mind races. He isn’t sure how he should answer his father’s question. Harry loves being home and spending time with his family. But he can’t get Draco out of his mind and his heart keeps aching. It’s as if Harry can’t enjoy anything anymore now that Draco has rejected him.

“Your silence says it all,” James says. He ruffles Harry’s hair and then leans back. His long legs stretch out in front of the bench. Harry looks at them. It would be nice to be tall. Harry is still small. Neville grows like weed, just like Ron. They are both taller than Harry by now. Draco is also taller. He rejected Harry’s kiss, but the reaching up just a little to place it was kind of great. Maybe being small isn’t all that bad.

“Where’s that head of yours?” James asks.

“Just thinking about how everyone I know is taller than me,” Harry says.

James laughs. “Sorry, nothing I can do about that,” he says. “You can lodge your complaint with your mother, as it looks like you got her genes on that account.”

“That’s fine. I already look too much like you anyway,” Harry jokes.

He takes a sip of his lemonade. It’s a nice day today. The sun is out and spring is in full swing. Neville and Lily are planting out some seedlings on the other side of the garden. Iris is inside with her head in one of her favourite books. Draco loves books too. He could read all day if it was up to him. He’s probably reading right now, on a ledge somewhere in the castle. Does he ever think about Harry, or about how he was in this house last break, celebrating Christmas with them all? Harry can’t stop thinking about it. Every room has a memory with Draco in it now.

“How did you get mum to fall in love with you?” Harry asks James.

James laughs again. “With a lot of patience and persistence,” he says. “Your mum was a tough one. With all her principles and Muggle ways.”

“But you didn’t give up when she first rejected you?” Harry asks.

James lightly shakes his head and smiles. “No, I didn’t,” he says. “She was the woman I wanted to marry. The fact that she didn’t know that yet, didn’t stop me. I wanted her, more than I ever wanted anything in my entire life.”

Harry nods his head. He understands that. He feels it too, he thinks. He can’t imagine himself with anyone other than Draco. “How did you know she was the one? That you shouldn’t give up?” Harry asks.

“This is about Draco, is it?” James asks.

Harry swallows. “I don’t know what to do,” he says as he looks away to see if Neville and Lily are still on the other side of the garden. “I want him, dad. He’s amazing. But he won’t talk to me. He doesn’t even look at me. So how do I know that he’s the one and that I shouldn’t give up on him?”

James places his arm around Harry’s shoulders and stays silent for a while. Harry turns to look at him and watches as James purses his lips. “I wish I could tell you, kiddo,” James says. “But I don’t know. Even though your mother first rejected me, I knew she liked me too. If she hadn’t, nothing I would have done would have made her change her mind.”

Harry looks at his hands that still hold his lemonade glass. The drink hardly touched. “I don’t think he wants to date me,” he says. Tears build up in the corner of Harry’s eyes. He tries to blink them away. He’s shed enough tears over Draco.

“But he likes you,” James says.

Harry doesn’t know what gives James that idea. The horror on Draco’s face was clear. The message to leave him alone left no doubt in Harry’s mind. “No, he doesn’t. Not anymore anyway,” Harry says. He takes another sip of his lemonade. He shouldn’t have brought it up. It will just give him hope that isn’t there. Draco was clear. He wants Harry to stay away from him.

James turns sideways so he can look at Harry. Harry takes a deep breath and looks at his dad. He isn’t sure he wants to hear what his father is going to say now. He’s got his serious face on, and that is never a good sign.

“I can’t tell you what to do,” James starts. His eyebrows draw together and he leans a little closer to Harry. “But if it’s true, and Draco doesn’t want anything to do with you now that he knows you’re gay, you need to leave it be. Even though you have a massive crush on him.”

Harry closes his eyes and shakes his head. He doesn’t have a crush, he’s in love. It’s different. More painful than he ever thought it could be.

“Don’t disagree,” James says. “You’ve got a massive crush. You might even love him if you’re anything like me.”

Harry can’t help but grin at that. They both know that Harry is more like James than either of them will ever admit.

“But what I wanted to say is that you can’t make him want you,” James continues. “You’ll have to respect his wishes, no matter how much it hurts to let him go.”

A tear escapes Harry’s eye. He wipes it away quickly, in the hope his father won’t notice. His voice sounds rough when he speaks. “I don’t want to let him go, dad.”

“You do love him,” James says. It’s not a question, but Harry nods in agreement anyway.

James pulls him into a sideways hug. “You fool, he’s a Malfoy. How could you ever fall for a Malfoy?” he teases.

Harry shakes his head. “He’s Draco, not Malfoy,” he says. “And he’s nothing like his dad. He’s smart and funny. And he always knows how to get me to do my homework. And he’s beautiful. When he smiles it’s as if the room lights up. He gets these dimples in his cheeks and I just want to kiss him every time they appear. And I can’t. He will never smile at me again.” Harry sobs and tries to turn away from James.

James won’t let him and pulls him against his chest. “Oh Harry,” he says. “I’m sorry. It’s clear you’re head over heels and heartbroken.”

“He hates me,” Harry says.

“Are you sure he hates you?” James asks. “Because, if you’re not, then don’t give up yet. But don’t push him. Let him come to you. Just let him know that you are still his friend, even if he never wants to talk to you again.”

Harry nods into James' chest and then slumps into the embrace. They are silent and listen to the noises that Neville and Lily make. They laugh and Harry looks up. Their faces and arms are covered in dirt and they seem to have fun. Harry wants to have fun again. If he only knew how. Why can’t he be more like Neville? He seems to take the fact that Ginny might never want him much better than Harry takes his rejection. “Do you know that Neville fancies Ginny?” Harry asks James.

“Of course, he does,” James says. “But does Ginny fancy him? I know she worshipped him for years, but I feel she stopped doing that some time ago.”

“They say she kissed Luna Lovegood,” Harry says.

James snorts. “Oh my,” he says. “So you’re in love with a boy who wants to date girls, and Neville is falling for a girl who wants to date girls. What did I do wrong? Where did I fail as your parent?”

Harry chuckles and grins. “You did nothing wrong,” he says. “Or maybe you didn’t give us enough candy. Made us go to bed too early. Maybe you should get tickets for the Quidditch World Cup this summer, to make up for all those mistakes.”

James gives Harry a knowing look. “The Quidditch World Cup? Why would you want to go there?” he jokes.

They both burst out in laughter and Harry almost drops his glass. “I don’t know,” he blurts out. “Because it’s the biggest Quidditch tournament ever. And because it’s our favourite sport.”

“What are you on about?” Lily asks when she steps up to them. Her dress is dirty from the work in the garden and she takes Harry’s empty lemonade glass from him.

“The Quidditch World Cup,” James and Harry say in unison.

“Oh, that,” Lily says. She rolls her eyes. “And you two are willing to destroy our savings and give up on holidays overseas for the coming five years or so?”

Harry and James both nod with grins on their faces.

“You two are crazy,” Lily says and then she walks towards the house. “I’ll start dinner and try to forget that you two are useless.”

“Did she just call us useless?” James asks. “And I married that? Tell me why, Harry. Tell me why?”

“Because you love her,” Harry says. It’s unfair. James and Lily got to be together and in love. Sirius has Remus. And Ron and Hermione are getting closer by the day. Why can’t Harry have that? Why doesn’t the person that he loves, love him back? He should stop his thoughts from drifting to Draco all the time. Maybe then he will be able to enjoy his family a little before he has to go back to school. “I’m getting my broom and going for a short fly before dinner,” he says. He stands and turns towards the shed, leaving his father alone on the bench, hoping he won’t worry too much about Harry’s broken heart.

* * *

The library is off-limits. It’s where Draco studies and Harry won’t chase him away from his favourite spot. And even when Draco isn’t there, Harry still hates being in that place. Everywhere he looks he sees Draco. He’s tried it once when Draco was hanging out with Greengrass in the Great Hall. Hermione took Harry to the library in the hope Harry would do some of his homework. But the only thing Harry did was stare at the table he and Draco used to sit at, wondering if he would ever get it back.

So now, Hermione, Ron, Neville and Harry have placed their books on a table in the Gryffindor Common Room. Hermione works on her study schedule for the coming exams. They all still don’t get how she gets to all her lessons and how she hasn’t collapsed under her workload yet. Ron is busy with his Charms essay and Neville reads something to do with Herbology. And Harry stares at his books and has no idea where to start. He hasn’t done a thing for school besides showing up to his lessons since they’ve been back from Easter break.

“Harry, do you know what will happen if you lift your wand too high when casting the Freezing Charm           Glacius?” Ron asks.

“No clue, ask Hermione,” Harry answers. He knows what Ron is doing. It’s one of the tricks Hermione learned them all to get others to focus on their homework. Only Harry doesn’t care anymore. He got a Dreadful on his last essay for Potions. Snape was all gleeful about it. He even took points from Gryffindor for Harry’s sloppy work. And for the first time, Harry didn’t say anything about it. That took all the fun out of it for Snape. And that made it kind of nice, this not caring anymore.

“Harry, have you even started on the Charms essay?” Hermione asks.

“No,” he says deadpan.

“It’s due tomorrow,” Hermione says. “You can’t hand in nothing.”

Harry lets out a sigh. “Why not?” he asks. “It’s not as if they are going to kick me out of school for missing one essay.”

Hermione narrows her eyes at Harry. “But it’s not just one essay, isn’t it?” she asks. “You hardly do any of the work. If you keep this up, you’re going to fail your exams.”

Harry lifts his shoulders and stares out of the window. It’s a beautiful afternoon. It’s a shame that there is no Quidditch practice today. It would have been nice to go out and fly a bit. But the Hufflepuff team is on the pitch right now. They have a match in two weeks. It’s going to be the decider of the year. Hufflepuff has won their match against Slytherin. If they win against Gryffindor, they will be the champions this year. And Diggory is putting in all the effort to try to make that happen. Oliver is worried. He’s taken Harry aside on multiple occasions to instruct him that he needs to find the Snitch as soon as possible during the game, so as not to give the Hufflepuff team time to get into the lead.

“Harry, you do understand that you will have to repeat this year if you fail your final exams,” Hermione says. Harry has the feeling she’s been rattling on and on about the importance of school and study schedules.

“I won’t fail them,” Harry says. But he does pull his Charms book out of the pile and looks up the Glacius Charm. He might just try to get something on paper. His hand feels heavy when he picks up his quill. Harry stares at his parchment. Why is it so hard to focus and just do it? Harry used to do this all the time. It was no issue when Draco was by his side. Draco, whose grey eyes would glitter when Harry would finally get something after Draco explained it to him. Draco, who studied so hard to learn BSL so he could keep up with the conversation around him. And he did it all next to all the extra work he did for school. Harry is sure that if Draco hadn’t been deaf, he would have been the smartest person in their year, giving Hermione a run for the top of class each year.

“I can’t do this,” Harry says. He puts his quill down and stares out the window again.

“You haven’t even started,” Hermione says.

“Leave him,” Neville tells her.

Harry pushes his hand through his hair and turns around. “I don’t need you to defend me,” he spits out as he stands up. “And Hermione, we are not all nerds like you. I don’t need top grades. I just need to get Acceptable to pass, and I will.”

“Fine,” Hermione snaps. “Have it your way. Just don’t come running when you need my help getting ready for your exams.”

“Fine,” Harry snaps back. He pushes his books into his bag. “I’m going for a walk,” he says and walks away.

Neville rushes to get his books in his bag. “I’ll come with you. I need a break too,” he says.

Harry stops and wants to snap at Neville to leave him alone. Only Neville’s face is red and he clumsily pushes his ink bottle into his bag. They will have a fight here in the middle of the common room if Harry refuses him. And Harry doesn’t feel like it. It’s none of anyone's business that Harry is feeling like shit.

Together they leave the common room and walk down the stairs. They go outside and walk towards the lake without exchanging a word.

“I know you’re upset still about Draco,” Neville says when they walk beside the water. “And that it’s hard for you to study without him, but Hermione’s right.”

Harry looks over the lake and shrugs. “I can’t help it, Neville,” he says. “He’d made studying fun, somehow. And now it’s just painful.”

“You need to forget about him,” Neville says. “You’re too young to drop out of school and start a professional Quidditch career.”

Harry lets out a heavy sigh. “I could be the youngest professional Quidditch player of the century,” he says without meaning it. They both know that won’t happen if he drops out of school now. He’s too young to be on the radar of any of the scouts. They won’t start paying attention to him before he takes his OWLs.

“And leave me alone with Hermione and Ron?” Neville asks. “Think about your brother, please. Don’t make me suffer at school alone.” He stops and pulls on Harry’s arm to get him to look at him.

“I won’t,” Harry says. He shuffles his foot over the dirt path. “I’ll manage. Exams are still a couple of weeks away.” He has no idea how he will manage it. He can’t open a book without missing Draco. But he also knows his friends are right. If he doesn’t get his act together, he might need to repeat third year. And it will also mean he will have to stop Quidditch. Students with failing grades are not allowed on the team. And that will put a big dumper in his plan to become a professional Quidditch player after he’s done with school.

“I just thought that I was the one helping him,” Harry says. “But the truth is, that I need him more than he ever needed me.”

Neville offers Harry a small smile. “You can study without him. You’ve done it before,” he says.

Harry lifts his shoulders. “That was different,” he says. “I struggled back then. Before Draco. With his help it was easy. And now it’s just, I don’t know. It’s as if I can only succeed with him. I know it’s stupid, but it’s how it feels.”

“You need a proper distraction,” Neville says. “We need to get more serious about Pettigrew. That will keep your mind off Draco. And when you’ve forgotten about him, you’ll have no problem cramming for the exams.”

“Don’t think it goes that quickly, Neville,” Harry says. “Have you already forgotten about Ginny?”

Neville rocks on his feet and shakes his head. “No, but I don’t need to,” he says. “It’s just a rumour that she kissed Luna. All bets are still off, she could still fall in love with me.”

Harry scratches at the back of his neck. “Why are you always so positive?” he asks.

“Don’t know. I just like her,” Neville says. “And as long as she doesn’t reject me as plain as Draco did you, I won’t give up on her.”

“I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up on Draco just yet,” Harry says.

“Then don’t,” Neville says. “Maybe it will all turn out for the better. But for now, you need to keep your mind busy with something else. So go figure out how we can find Pettigrew, and then we can get rid of the rat once and for all.”

Harry nods and they continue to walk in silence. When they get back to the common room, they sit down by Ron and Hermione as if nothing happened. Harry takes out a piece of parchment and a quill and starts to think. What would be a good place for a rat to hide, and how will they be able to get him out of his little hole?

* * *

Harry rips the Daily Prophet from Hermione’s hands when he sees the front page.

“Can I see that, Hermione?” Hermione says. Her hands are still stretched out in the same spot where she just held the newspaper.

“Sorry, ‘Mione,” Harry says without looking at her. “I need to see this.”

“It’s Hermione, and I was reading that,” Hermione says.

Harry doesn’t pay her any attention. He scans the article on the front page. Pettigrew has been spotted again. This time it was close to Remus and Sirius’ home in Hogsmeade. Harry recognises the street name. This settles it, Pettigrew is on the hunt to hurt the people who put him away. And Harry and Neville have no choice. They need to stop the rat before he hurts any of them.

“Harry, give me back the Prophet,” Hermione says. She holds out her hand. Her mouth is a tin line. It won’t be long before she starts giving a lecture, so Harry gives back the paper.

“Here you go,” he says with a grin on his face.

“I hate you,” Hermione says, but the smile on her face gives away her true feelings.

“Love you too, Hermione,” Harry says. He sits down and starts to dish up his breakfast. It isn’t long before Ron and Neville join them.

“Pettigrew was spotted again,” Harry says.

Ron and Hermione shake their heads. They don’t agree with this newfound plan to find Pettigrew. Harry doesn’t care. It has helped him to keep his mind busy when he’s alone.

“I still don’t get where he’s hiding,” Neville says. “We’ve checked the woods around the path to Hogsmeade. He never shows up on the map. And he’s not in the caves on the other side of Hogsmeade.”

“Maybe that should tell you, that you aren’t the one that is supposed to find him,” Hermione says.

“Or, he’s hiding in plain sight, and we just haven’t figured out yet how he does it,” Ron says.

“Don’t you start too,” Hermione complains. She places the Daily Prophet on the table. “I don’t want you all to get killed,” she says. She finishes her juice and then gets up. “I need to get to class early. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.” She turns and walks away.

Ron stares after her. “I still don’t get how she does it,” he says.

“Being a prick?” Neville asks with a raised eyebrow.

“She’s just worried, as always,” Ron says. “She means well.”

“Still annoying,” Harry says. He pulls the Prophet towards him and studies the picture of Pettigrew.

“Well, she’s gone now,” Ron says. He grins and leans over the table. “So how do we find Pettigrew?” he asks.

Neville and Harry look at each other. “We have no clue,” Neville says. “That’s the whole problem.”

Harry still stares at the picture of Pettigrew. It’s a picture of Pettigrew when he was sentenced to Azkaban, and is twelve years old. But already, Pettigrew’s face has some rat-like features. His mouth looks a little bit like a snout. And his eyes are tiny and black.

“He’s hiding in plain view,” Harry says. “He’s a rat.”

“Fuck,” Neville says at the same time as Ron asks what Harry is on about.

“He’s an Animagus. A rat Animagus,” Harry explains. He buzzes and he knows he solved the mystery of how Pettigrew is able to stay hidden for so long.

“As in, he can turn himself into a rat?” Ron asks.

Harry nods and then looks at the picture again. “He looks a little like a rat here. Dad once said it was because Pettigrew had been hiding like a rat before they found him.”

“And you think he’s doing that again?” Ron asks.

“He must be,” Neville says. “It’s why the Aurors can’t find him.”

“Dad probably didn’t tell, to keep Sirius and himself out of trouble,” Harry continues. “Or put attention on Remus’ condition.”

“What condition?” Ron asks.

Harry looks up. His eyes widen and he opens his mouth to come up with something. But his mind is blank. He messed up big time. Nobody is supposed to know. It might cost Remus his job if others find out.

“Nothing serious,” Neville says quickly.

Ron looks at Neville and Harry. “I don’t believe you,” he says. “If it was nothing serious, you wouldn’t mind telling me.”

“Fine,” Harry snaps. “It’s something serious. But we still can’t say. Nobody is supposed to know.”

“Look, I know he’s sick a lot,” Ron says. “And you guys can tell me. I won’t tell anyone else.”

And that is true. Ron is good when it comes to secrets. He’s never before betrayed Harry or Neville. And he won’t do it now. He isn’t Pettigrew. Harry looks at Neville and raises his shoulders. They might as well.

Neville sighs and shakes his head. “We promised not to say,” he says.

“Yes, but we also promised not to go after Pettigrew,” Harry says. “And it’s Ron. He hangs out with us all the time. He won’t mind.”

“Okay, fine,” Neville says and then he turns to Ron. He makes eye contact and his eyebrows pinch together. “Ron, you can’t tell a soul,” he says. “Not even Hermione.”

“I won’t,” Ron promises.

“Uncle Remus, he’s been sick for a long time,” Neville says. “Ever since he got bitten by a werewolf when he was just a child.”

Ron’s eyes become twice as large as normal and his mouth falls open. “Bloody hell,” he says. “Professor Lupin is a werewolf?”

“Keep your voice down,” Harry snaps while he looks around them. Nobody sits close      enough to overhear them, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. “Nobody is to know.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Ron says in a softer volume. He bends over the table again so they can whisper. “But a werewolf teaching? That’s asking for problems.”

Harry and Neville bend over the table too. Their heads are close together when Neville says: “It’s been fine all year. Everyone loves Professor Lupin.”

Ron nods and then his eyes scan the table around them. “I think Hermione already knows,” he says. “Ever since Professor Snape made us write that essay on werewolves.”

“Of course she does,” Neville and Harry say in unison.

“But what has this all to do with Pettigrew being an Animagus?” Ron asks.

“Well, Pettigrew used to be friends with Remus, Sirius and dad,” Harry says. “And when they found out about Remus’ condition, they illegally became Animagi so they could join him on the full moon, to make sure that Remus wouldn’t be alone.”

“They became Animagi before they graduated Hogwarts?” Ron asks.

“Yes, they did,” Neville says. “But they aren’t registered. And they can get in a lot of trouble if that comes out.” And that is putting it lightly. Both James and Sirius work for the Ministry. If it becomes public knowledge that they have been in violation of the law since they were fifteen years old, they probably lose their jobs and can get sent to jail.

“What does your dad turn into?” Ron asks.

“A stag, just as his Patronus,” Harry informs Ron. “And Sirius is a black dog.”

“Cool,” Ron says.

Harry can’t disagree there. They don’t turn that often, and Harry has only seen it a handful of times. But it’s impressive to see the large stag that his father turns into. The animal is beautiful.

“But if Pettigrew is hiding as a rat, he’ll be impossible to find,” Ron says. “There are probably a million rats around Hogwarts.”

“Will he still show up on the map when he’s a rat?” Neville asks.

Harry shakes his head. “Don’t know. If he doesn’t, that will make it easier for him to hide.”

“There are spells to capture rats,” Ron says. “I’ve seen my mum use them from time to time at the Burrow.”

Harry and Neville grin at Ron and a plan starts to form. Together they go over the different spells and traps they can set for Pettigrew. They will find the idiot before the exams start. And then they will be the heroes of the school. And everyone will forget about Harry being gay and his misfortune with Draco. Everything will get back to normal once they capture Pettigrew.

* * *

The weather gets warmer by the day. Exams are sneaking closer. Not that Harry studies for them. He and Neville are occupied with other matters. Every afternoon after class, they go outside and walk around the castle. Together with Ron, they researched the spells needed to detect and trap rats. And now they go out every afternoon to check their traps and place new ones, in the hope they will catch Pettigrew.

The only problem is that the traps are always empty. Even regular rats don’t seem to get trapped in them.

“Maybe that household book wasn’t as good as it claims to be,” Neville says.

“Looks like it,” Harry says. He waves his wand to replace the charm that will detect rats. “Or the rats are smart enough to avoid them.”

“Is it stupid of us, doing this?” Neville asks. He scratches the back of his neck.

Harry raises his eyebrows. “What do you mean?” he asks. “Placing the traps, or going after Pettigrew?”

“Both, mostly the latter,” Neville says. He looks towards the lake. The grass around it is crowded with students. Most of them with books on their laps, busy studying for the upcoming exams.

Harry draws a breath and then releases it slowly. “The rat traps are stupid,” he says. “They don’t seem to do anything.”

Neville nods in agreement.

“We’ll have to adjust our plan,” Harry says. “Check the map more often, and stuff like that. Maybe place some detecting charms inside the castle, just to be sure.” His jaw is set and he makes strong eye contact with Neville. “But catching Pettigrew isn’t stupid,” he says. “You’re the Chosen One. I’m sure that means you are supposed to go after him. Just as you were the one who had to protect the stone, and be the one to save Ginny from Tom Riddle’s memory.”

Neville shakes his head. “I would have saved her even when I wasn’t the Chosen One.”

“You still fancy her?” Harry asks.

Neville doesn’t answer. He starts to walk towards one of the other traps they set for Pettigrew. Harry follows him in silence. When they are close to the next spot Neville says: “Yes, I still fancy her.”

“And you’re planning on doing anything about that?” Harry asks.

“Not sure,” Neville says. He slows down and shuffles his feet over the ground. “It’s complicated. What if she doesn’t like me? Or what if she does and Ron finds out?”

“Ron is going to kill you,” Harry says. “No doubt about that. He’s too protective about his little sister.”

“Reminds me of someone,” Neville jokes.

Harry can’t blame Neville for saying that. Harry has been worried about Iris’ safety all year. Who wouldn’t be with a criminal on the loose that is after their family? “But Iris is in real danger,” Harry says. “I wouldn’t mind her dating one of my friends. Not that any of them fancy her. But if they did, I’d be fine with that. I just don’t want her to get killed by the rat,” Harry says.

“Don’t believe you,” Neville says. There’s a smile again on his face and Harry wants to punch him. They both know Harry is full of shit. He would hate every person that will hurt his little sister. And that is what happens when you like someone. You get hurt, no matter how much you love them.

“Let’s just hope we never have to find out,” Harry says as his eyes drop to the ground.

“Not everyone is doomed like you,” Neville says. He stops in front of another trap and checks it. It’s also empty. Neville places another charm in its place. One that will detect if something tries to pass the little hole in the castle wall. “You’re doing better, aren’t you?” he asks as he stands up.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Harry lies. He struggles to sleep and homework is still a nightmare. But it’s been better than it was in the beginning. “Can’t wait for summer break and our trip to the beach,” he says. "I’m sure there will be enough handsome bare-chested men walking around there to get my mind off Draco.”

“You want to hook up with someone during break?” Neville asks as he shakes his head. “To forget about Draco? And you think that will work?”

“Isn’t that what people do when they can’t have the person they want?” Harry asks. “Go and kiss someone else until they don’t think about the person they’re missing.”

Neville raises his eyebrows and grins at Harry. “I don’t think that ever works,” he says.

Harry throws his hands up in the air. “I’ll have to try something,” he says. “I can’t wait forever on a boy that will never love me.”

Neville stares at Harry as if he'd grown another head. Harry grins his teeth together and spits out: “What?”

“You still love him,” Neville says.

Harry puffs out some are. “Yes, okay. I love him,” he says. “But I can’t have him. So what am I supposed to do? I can’t keep doing this. Feeling empty and alone. It’s too hard, Neville.”

Harry can’t believe he said all of that. He’s been hiding his feelings from Neville, from everyone. The ground looks very interesting right now. The dirt piles up on the spot he shuffles with his foot. Neville’s feet step up in front of Harry. He places his hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“Fine, we’ll find some handsome boy at the beach for you to drool over,” he says.

Harry laughs. “It’s stupid, isn’t it?” he asks as he looks Neville in the eyes.

“But if it helps you get over Draco, then that is what will do,” Neville says. His features are soft and Harry just wants to hug him.

“Thank you,” Harry whispers. He’d expected Neville to fight him on this, maybe even say he should not give up on Draco. Just as their dad did. But Neville seems to understand that Harry needs this, to forget about his heartbreak for just a little. Maybe forget about Draco altogether during the summer and start fresh when September comes around the corner again. There are sure to be more gay students at Hogwarts. And maybe Harry can fall in love with one of them. And then he will forget all about Draco and how he was the first person to break Harry’s heart.

* * *

Harry puts his quill down. The final exam of the year is done. Harry has no idea if it will be enough to keep his grades at a passable point, but there is nothing more he can do about it. He tried his best in the last week before exams to catch up on the work he missed (or as Hermione likes to put it, the work he ignored). Hermione even helped him after he apologised for his horrible behaviour.

Harry looks around the class. Ron sucks on his quill and fumbles with his parchment. He rubs his chin with his other hand. Hermione is bent over her parchment, scribbling away like crazy. Probably trying to get more words on the parchment than necessary. Neville sits upright and looks around the room too. Their eyes meet. Harry lifts his brows to indicate he’s not sure how well he’s done. Neville smiles and shows a thumbs up.

“No signing during exams,” Uncle Remus says from the front of the room.

Harry and Neville both laugh and then place their hands flat on their desks. Remus shakes his head with a smile on his face. He must know that Neville and Harry won’t be stupid enough to try and communicate with signs on their DADA exam, with their uncle who signs supervising. They did get away with it during the History of Magic exam. Hermione was outraged when she spotted them and told them off afterwards. Even threatened to tell Professor Binns, until she realised the man wouldn’t care either way. And at least this way, Harry won’t have a failing grade on the most boring subject ever.

Draco is in the front of the class. He’s bent over his parchment. Harry hopes he’ll get a good grade for this, not sure how well Draco’s practical exam for DADA would have gone. The last time they spoke he’d only successfully cast one spell. Did he improve after that? Harry hopes he’d learned the basics for their practical exams. The ones for Transfiguration were difficult this year, even with using the incantations. Will the teachers take into account that Draco is deaf and mute? They should, shouldn’t they? It’s only fair. It’s much harder for Draco to do all the spells. And that he even manages it, shows how talented he is when it comes to magic. Harry should ask Remus later, to make sure that Draco is graded fairly.

The bell rings and all the other students put their quills down. Remus waves his wand and the exams fly to the front of the room. The silence is replaced by a thundering noise as students get up and start to talk about the exam. Neville and Hermione step up to Harry and together they find Ron at the back of the class.

“I forgot about the werewolf things,” Ron says. “Do you think professor Lupin will be disappointed in me for not getting that right?”

Harry laughs. “He won’t take it personally,” he says.

“So, he is?” Hermione asks. “He is a.” She looks around them. There are too many people here to say it out loud. “You know what I mean,” she finishes.

“Yes, he is,” Neville tells her. “Got a problem with that?”

“No, of course not,” Hermione says as she flips her hair out of the way. “If I did, I would have reported it the moment I figured it out.”

Harry puts his arm around Hermione’s shoulders. “You’re the best,” he says as they leave the classroom. Ron and Neville follow them. They walk down the stairs and make their way outside. The weather is just too nice to stay inside.

“How did you figure it out?” Harry asks. He plays with the Snitch inside his pocket. The one that got him the Quidditch Cup this year. He’ll add it to his collection back home. But for now, it’s a nice toy to play around with. But out of the sight of Professor McGonagall. Before she confiscates this one too. She’s still in possession of one of the Snitches Harry won last year. He’ll have it back when he graduates. At least, that is what she promised him. Harry isn’t sure. Not that it matters. He’s got plenty of Snitches by now. And he will have even more before he leaves Hogwarts for good.

“Oh, it was simple, really,” Hermione says. “That essay Professor Snape made us write about werewolves got me thinking. Professor Lupin is always unwell around the full moon. And you two never worry when he has to take some days off. As if it’s normal for him to be unwell so often. I just put two and two together.”

“You’re too smart for your own good,” Ron says.

The grounds outside are busy. It seems that every student in the school has decided to celebrate the end of exams in the fresh air. Harry and his friends walk around the lake and in the end sit down close to the forest. The trees give some nice shade, which is welcomed by Ron and Neville, who tend to turn red when the sun is out.

“I want to try out for the Quidditch team next year,” Ron says.

“You should,” Harry agrees. “We’ll need a new Keeper next year now that Wood is graduating. I’ll ask mum if I can visit you this summer, so we can practice.”

“Yeah, that’ll be cool,” Ron says. He lays down and closes his eyes. Ready to fall asleep now he doesn’t need to study anymore.

“He’s going to nap until dinner, isn’t he?” Hermione asks. She already has a book on her lap.

“Yes, I am,” Ron says.

Neville and Harry laugh. Harry leans his head on Hermione’s shoulder. “He’s better when he’s asleep,” he tells her.

“Yes, true,” Hermione says. “With him asleep, I might even finish this book this afternoon.”

Harry lays down on the grass and pulls the Snitch from his pocket. He lets it fly up into the sky a little before he grabs it and pulls it back. Neville still walks around, busy inspecting the plants around them.

“Anything interesting in the bushes?” Harry asks.

“No, just the usual,” Neville says when he sits down next to Harry and takes out his sketchbook to draw some more plants in it.

The afternoon goes on. Harry puts away his Snitch at one point and drifts off a little. Ron is already snoring. Hermione flips page after page in her book and Neville’s pencil scratches over his paper. The sun is warm and Harry feels good. It’s been a while since he felt normal. His heart still aches when he thinks of Draco, but it’s slowly healing. Maybe this summer isn’t going to suck after all. Harry will enjoy the good weather, the beach, and hopefully a couple of weeks at the Burrow, practising Quidditch with Ron and Ginny. It will be nice to have Ron join Harry during Quidditch practice. The others are great, but they are all older and still treat Harry as the baby of the team. Not that Ron joining will change that. Ron is older, and about eight inches taller by now. If he keeps growing as he’s done this year, Harry will soon need a step to be able to look him straight in the eyes.

It’s close to dinner time when Neville’s wand starts to shake. Harry sits up quickly and pulls the map out of his pocket. “I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good,” he whispers and Hogwarts appears on the parchment. Neville and Harry search the map for one name, Peter Pettigrew. The rat has managed to stay hidden for the entire year. He has to be in the castle. Only a human small enough to pass through the places where Neville and Harry set up detection charms could have set them off. And they know of nobody else who can turn into a rat and therefore fit through any of the holes.

Harry’s eyes scan all the places they put down detection charms, only Pettigrew is nowhere near them. He sighs and wants to crumble up the map and throw it away. He doesn’t of course, the thing is too valuable to destroy. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to destroy it. It’s useless.

“He’s in the library,” Hermione says. She points at the name.

“Fuck,” Neville says. Harry looks at the library on the map and his breathing stops. There is one other name in the library. He sits in his usual spot. A spot Harry used to share with him. Draco’s name is clear on the map. Harry can’t think. Draco is in danger.

Harry drops the map as he jumps to his feet. He runs towards the castle. He doesn’t hear the protest of Hermione or Neville who begs him to slow down. He needs to get to the library before it’s too late.

* * *

Chapter Text

The library seems miles away. Harry races around corners on his way there. Most of the corridors are empty, as almost everyone enjoys the nice weather outside. Which is a good thing. This way Harry doesn’t have to dodge too many people. He doesn’t slow down until he’s right in front of the door of the library. He rests his hands on his knees and takes a large breath. He can’t hear Neville’s footsteps in the distance, but there is no question that he’s on his way too. Only Harry can’t wait for him. Draco is in the library and in danger. Hopefully, he’s still unnoticed by Pettigrew. Safe and unaware of the danger he’s in. Does Pettigrew know about Harry’s feelings for Draco? Is that why he’s here? Does he plan to hurt Draco, just to get at Harry and Neville?

Harry opens the door with a simple Alohomora and steps into the library. He holds his wand in front of him as he moves past the desk of Mrs Prince. She must have closed the library early now all exams are done. The tables to his right are all empty, the chairs placed on top of the tables ready for the big clean the elves do every evening. Why didn’t Mrs Prince or the elves alert Draco that the library was closed? Did they miss him? Or did Mrs Prince let him stay, knowing this is where Draco prefers to spend his time? She knows he won’t destroy any books or make a mess. She has let him stay more often on days the library closes early, handing him a key for the night.

As silently as he can, Harry walks towards the stacks and searches the rows. He should have taken the map from Neville. That would make this search in the library so much easier. Now Harry has to look around each corner, into each pathway, in the hope he doesn’t run into Pettigrew before he finds Draco.

Harry is sure that Draco sits at his regular spot. Standing out only because of his platinum blond hair. Hair that features in most of Harry’s dreams. All the good dreams, and in some of the bad. Just so Harry can wake with a deep sense of longing for the boy he can’t have. Not that it matters now. The only thing that matters is that Draco is safe. Harry can’t let anything happen to him. He will never forgive himself if Draco gets hurt because of him.

Harry rounds a corner, coming up to the other park of tables. The chairs here are still on the floor. And one of them is occupied by Draco. His back is turned to Harry, as he leans over a big book. Harry can’t stop the loving smile that forms on his face. Draco is completely in his element, unaware of the time and his surroundings. Harry has stared at him often enough when they were still friends. Draco never noticed then, or pretended he didn’t. It was the best part of studying with Draco. The time's Harry could just look at him and feel complete.

A sniffle is heard from the other side of the clearing with tables. Harry looks up and spots Pettigrew giggling. His two large front teeth stand out of his mouth a little. His face looks more like a rat than shown in the pictures. He holds his hands in front of him, the fingers bend as if he’s still a rat. But he doesn’t have a wand. He won’t be able to curse Harry. Unless Pettigrew has learned wandless magic in the last twelve years.

Pettigrew takes a step towards Draco. He’s closer to him than Harry, and there is no way Harry will beat him there. He needs to warn Draco and try to stop Pettigrew. There is one spell Harry knows that might help. He’s not supposed to know it yet, but James had thought it to both Neville and Harry, for when they would be in danger and needed to protect themselves.

Harry raises his wand and shouts Stupefy. Red light flies through the room. Pettigrew jumps out of the way and escapes the spell by inches. Draco looks up from his book. He pushes his chair back which falls to the floor with a loud bang. Pettigrew is on the move. He sprints to the table. He and Draco both reach for Draco’s wand at the same time.

“No,” Harry shouts as Pettigrew raises the wand and then grabs Draco’s arm with his other hand. He pulls Draco towards him, turns him around and then points the wand at Draco’s throat. Harry freezes on the spot. His heart hammers in his ears. His eyes are locked on Draco’s.

Draco’s eyes are wide and his lips tremble. His normally pale face is almost white now. It’s a sight Harry never wanted to see. The colour reminds him of the dream where Pettigrew killed Draco, here in this library. Harry can’t have that happen. He won’t let that nightmare become reality.

“Drop your wand, or he dies,” Pettigrew says with a chuckle.

Harry doesn’t think about it. He opens his hand and his wand drops to the floor. It bounces a couple of times. The sound echoes around them in the empty library. Harry doesn’t take his eyes off Draco as his wand rolls out of his reach. Draco’s eyes on the other hand follow the wand to where it stops in its tracks. When Harry gets a chance, he knows exactly where his wand now lies.

“That is a good boy,” Pettigrew says. “You’re clever. Not like your dad at all. He would have charged by now.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” Harry says. He can’t imagine his father ever risking his mother’s life, or that of anyone’s else.

Pettigrew laughs. “How do you think your Uncle Sirius lost his hearing?” he asks.

Harry shakes his head. “You cast that spell. You hurt him. Not my dad,” he says.

“Only because your father gave me no other choice,” Pettigrew says. “He charged straight away when he saw I had his best friend captive. He’s lucky I still felt guilty towards them on that day. Otherwise, your Uncle Sirius would have been in a grave before you even knew how to walk.”

Blood boils in Harry’s veins. He clenches his fists and pinches his lips together.

“Didn’t feel guilty when you betrayed my parents then?” Neville asks. His voice comes from the right. Harry doesn’t have to look in his direction to know that Neville will have his wand pointed at Pettigrew.

Pettigrew turns his head towards Neville. Harry quickly starts to sign. “Are you okay?” he asks with only his hands.

Draco carefully points at his chest and then shows a thumbs up. “What’s going on?” he signs.

In the meantime, Pettigrew talks to Neville. He says that betraying Neville’s parents was an easy choice. That they were of no concern to him.

“It’s the rat,” Harry signs as he takes a step closer to Draco and Pettigrew. “Can you worm out of his grip?”

“Not sure,” Draco signs. He closes his eyes for a second and then he makes a fist and shakes it.

Pettigrew grins at Neville. “You on the other hand,” he says.

Harry snaps his head to Neville for a second. He stands with his chest out and his shoulders pulled back. “What about me?” he says. “Scared yet of the boy who destroyed your lord?”

Pettigrew laughs so hard his entire body shakes. “Oh, you're funny,” he says.

Draco signs the word ‘what’ and Harry looks back at Draco’s face.

“They're taunting each other,” he signs. Neville’s buying them time so Harry can come up with something to get Draco to safety. Harry flickers a quick look at Pettigrew’s face. He drops his hands as he sees that the man stares at him.

“And what are you doing?” Pettigrew asks. “Trying to talk behind my back, aren’t you?” He takes Draco’s hair in his hand and pulls Draco’s face backwards, exposing his throat. Making sure that Draco can’t see any of them anymore, but is forced to look at the ceiling. Pettigrew slides his wand over the exposed flesh. “I can rip him open in seconds,” he says. “You want me to do that, Potter boy?”

Harry’s balls his fist. “You keep your filthy hands off him,” he spits.

“So the rumours are true,” Pettigrew says. “You love this deaf insult to wizards?”

“He’s a better wizard than you’ll ever be,” Neville says, trying to get the attention back on him. “At least he won’t betray his friends just because he’s scared.”

“I wasn’t scared,” Pettigrew says. “I was the only one who understood. The Dark Lord was the way forward for wizards.”

“He didn’t get far now, did he?” Neville says. “Stopped by just a little baby.”

Pettigrew looks towards Neville again. His nostrils flare and colour flushes his face.

Harry takes a small step towards the stacks where his wand rolled to. Neville just has to hold Pettigrew’s attention long enough for Harry to reach it. Once he has his wand, he can stop Pettigrew and free Draco.

Pettigrew doesn’t seem to notice that Harry is moving, so Harry risks another step. His eyes stay fixed on Pettigrew’s hand. Draco’s wand inside it, pointing at Draco’s throat. Harry can’t see his eyes, but he doesn’t miss the tears that drip from Draco’s chin.

“You were lucky,” Pettigrew says. “Your mother was a gifted witch. I don’t know what she used to protect you, but it was strong. Not strong enough to kill our Lord, though. He’s still alive. And once you are gone, when I kill you, he will see my worth.”

“He didn’t see that before then?” Neville asks. “Wasn’t giving up my parents' location enough to gain his favour?”

Draco’s hands move slowly. Harry stops his shuffles towards his wand. The signs are timid and small. Harry has to concentrate to decipher them.

“I’m sorry,” Draco signs. “Please know I’m sorry.”

Harry stares as Draco’s hands keep repeating the same words over and over again. He must be so scared now that he can’t see what’s happening. He can’t hear how Neville keeps Pettigrew busy. Or how he now offers to take Draco’s place. Harry turns so Neville can see him. With rapid movements he signs with big movements: “No, you fucking don’t. I’m not explaining to our parents why you’re dead!”

Neville just smiles and continues. “If you let Harry and Draco go, I promise I won’t fight you. You can have me. Just let them go.”

“You think I’m that stupid?” Pettigrew asks. “Potter junior will never let you. He’s a little copy of his father.”

“Maybe, but I won’t let you live if you hurt any of them,” Neville says. “And you know you can’t win. You’ll have to choose. Kill me, or kill Draco? You won’t have time to kill us both.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Harry signs. “If Draco dies because of you, I will kill you personally.”

Neville nods his head. He knows. Harry blinks away a tear. Neville is willing to die if it means saving Draco. The fool is just as selfless as his parents were. He will protect the ones he loves above all. And because Draco is the person Harry loves, he’s become a part of the small circle for who Neville will give his life.

“Thank you,” Harry signs. “But I’m not ready for you to die.”

Harry turns away from Neville and spots his wand. He runs towards it and ducks to grab it. Behind him, he hears Pettigrew shout Avada Kedavra. Harry’s breath gets stuck in his lungs until a bright green light flashes against the books above him. Harry turns and is ready to jinx Pettigrew. Only Harry can’t. The only thing he sees is Neville laying on the floor. Is he dead? Did Pettigrew get out two killing curses? Harry only heard the one Avada Kedavra. Neville can’t be dead, can he?

A tear falls from Harry’s eye as he slumps against the bookcase behind him. His grip on his wand loosens and it almost rolls from his fingers again. His brother is dead. And it’s all Harry’s fault. He convinced him that they could take Pettigrew. He was the one who said they didn’t need any help. And he was the one who raced to the library as soon as he saw that Draco was here.

Draco. He’s still here. Still alive. And still held firmly by Pettigrew. Pettigrew has his wand pointed towards Harry now. Harry looks at him. He’s going to die. He wishes Draco could see him now. That Harry could at least sign that Harry loves him.

“Just let Draco go,” Harry says. “He’s got nothing to do with all this. If you kill me, you’ve got your revenge. You don’t have to kill Draco.”

* * *

A tear slides over Harry’s cheek. He can see Neville in the corner of his eye. He hasn’t moved since Harry spotted him on the floor. Harry’s chest is heavy and he opens his mouth to breathe, only air doesn’t seem to make it to his lungs. Why did he run to the library? He should have got help. Draco wasn’t in danger until Harry showed up. Pettigrew would have left him alone. And then maybe, Neville would still be alive now. And Draco’s wand wouldn’t be pointed towards Harry.

Pettigrew laughs. “You’re as disgusting as Sirius and Lupin,” he says.

Harry swallows. He wants to close his eyes and forget this day ever happened. But he can’t look away from Draco. Draco’s neck is exposed, as Pettigrew still holds his head pulled back by his hair. His beautiful hair. Harry wishes he’d got the chance to feel it. He still wonders if it’s truly as soft as it looks. Not that Draco would ever let him. It’s clear how he feels about Harry and his sexuality. But that doesn’t change the fact that Harry still wants him. More than anything he’s ever wanted in this world.

“Sometimes I wonder,” Pettigrew continues. “If it was them that tipped me over the edge. They’re a disgrace to wizards.”

“You’re wrong,” Harry whispers. He can’t find his voice. James had warned them that Pettigrew was dangerous. But they didn’t listen. And now, Neville is gone. He would have moved by now if he wasn’t. And it won’t be long and then Harry and Draco will die too. It will all be over. Why did Harry break his promise? He should have listened to his dad. He should have kept them all safe.

“The Dark Lord will return,” Pettigrew says. “You will see how right the world will be when he does.” Pettigrew bends his head to the side. His front teeth stick out of his mouth. He’s got a pointy nose and small dark eyes. He’s not only a rat in name and actions. He’s also a rat in his looks. A disgusting rat.

Harry lifts his wand. He wants to hurt Pettigrew. Make him pay for all the pain he caused. By his betrayal. His sick idea of what the world should be like. And all because he couldn’t stand it that Uncle Sirius and Uncle Remus are gay? Is that truly the reason why Pettigrew turned on his best friends and gave up the location of Neville’s parents to the Dark Lord? That just makes it worse. It makes it personal.

“What do you plan to do, boy?” Pettigrew asks. He turns his wand back to Draco’s throat. “You better drop that wand, or your little boyfriend dies.”

“Don’t,” Harry stammers. “He’s got nothing to do with this. He isn’t like me.”

“Then drop that wand,” Pettigrew says.

Harry lowers his arm and lets his wand slip out of his fingers. The wand falls on the floor and rolls towards Pettigrew and Draco. Harry swallows as Pettigrew points his wand towards Harry again. There is nothing left that Harry can do to save his own life. He’s defenceless and lost.

“You’re a fool,” Pettigrew says.

Harry closes his eyes and waits for the spell to hit. Only it doesn’t.

Pettigrew groans.

Harry’s eyes fly open. Pettigrew stands bend over. His wand free hand clutching his stomach. Draco rolls over the floor. His eyes search and then he reaches out for Harry’s wand. Pettigrew lifts his wand. A red light flashes from it. It goes straight for Harry. He should duck. Get out of the blast zone. Only Harry is frozen. He lifts his hands to stop the spell.

The red light slams into an invisible shield in front of Harry. Draco sits on the floor, Harry’s wand in his hand. He smiles at Harry and then he turns around. He faces Pettigrew. He’s going to stop him. Helpless Draco, the boy Harry thought he had to protect and save. He’s going to be the one that saves the day. The one that captures Pettigrew. It’s so unlikely, and so amazing at the same time. Harry wants to kiss him again. He knows he can’t. And he won’t. But he wants to, so badly.

“Too late,” Pettigrew says. He points Draco’s wand at his head and then starts to turn. He shrinks and Draco’s binding spell misses him. In seconds a small rat sits on the library floor. Harry lunges for the animal. But it’s small and fast. The rat runs away, out of sight.

“Fuck,” Harry says. He turns around and then spots Neville on the floor. The next fuck that comes out of Harry’s mouth is softer. Slowly he crawls towards Neville’s body. Please don’t be dead is all he can think. Mum and dad will kill me if you are. So please, don’t be dead.

With care, Harry turns Neville around. His eyes are closed and his face looks pale. Harry bends over his head and looks for any sign of life. A soft wind comes from Neville’s nose. He’s breathing. Harry drops his head on Neville’s chest for a second. “Thank Merlin,” he says. Neville is alive. Hurt and unconscious, but alive. James and Lily aren’t going to kill Harry. They’ll still be mad as hell when they hear what happened, but at least they won’t be able to blame Harry for losing Neville.

There are sounds in the distance. Harry sits up straight when he hears Remus shout his name.

“We’re here,” Harry shouts back. He turns and spots Draco on the floor. He still has Harry’s wand in his trembling hand. Tears stream down his face and his eyes are fixed on Neville.

“He’s alive,” Harry signs. Only Draco doesn’t seem to see it. Harry stands up and takes a step towards Draco. A hand grabs his arm and Harry is spun around. Remus is pale and his eyes are large when Harry looks at them.

“Is he still here?” Remus asks.

Harry shakes his head. “He got away,” he says.

Remus pulls Harry against his chest. His arms are firm around Harry and it feels good. But Harry needs to get to Draco. He needs to tell him that all is okay. And thank him. If it hadn’t been for Draco, Harry would be lying dead on the floor. Draco saved him. With magic. He performed some amazing spell work without uttering a word. So Harry pushes against Remus and tries to step out of the hold.

“We need to get Longbottom to the hospital wing,” Professor Snape says. Harry looks to the side and sees that Snape sits next to Neville. “It’s nothing serious, just a powerful Stunning Spell. He’ll have a nice headache for a couple of days.”

“You’re sure?” Remus asks. He still won’t let go of Harry. Maybe he’s afraid that if he lets go, that Harry will run off after Pettigrew.

“Yes, Lupin, I’m sure,” Snape snaps. He’s back on his feet and moves out of Harry’s view.

“Uncle Remus, I need to,” Harry starts. He tries to step back again, out of Remus’ hold.

“Just let me hold you for a little longer,” Remus says. “When Ron and Hermione told me what you were doing. I didn’t think I would find you here alive.”

“But Draco,” Harry protests.

Remus chuckles. “He’s okay. Professor Snape has him.”

Harry doesn’t think that Professor Snape will be able to calm anyone. But he gets that Uncle Remus needs to hold him for a little while longer, so he doesn’t fight against the hold anymore.

“I’m sorry,” Harry says. He’s trembling on his feet. “I didn’t think.”

Remus pets Harry’s hair. “It’s okay,” he says. “You’re safe now. You’re all safe now.”

“But Pettigrew got away,” Harry says.

Remus places his hands on Harry’s shoulders and looks at his face. “You’re alive. That’s all that matters,” he says.

A tear escapes Harry’s eye. “He said he did what he did because of you and Uncle Sirius,” he stutters.

Within seconds, Harry is pulled back against Remus’ chest. “Don’t you listen to that man for one second,” Remus says. “He’s wrong. He was scared and a coward. He still is. He would have faced us by now if he wasn’t. He needs to tell himself something to make right what he did. But nothing he says will ever be true. He was our friend, and for years he didn’t mind that Sirius and I were together. It’s not our fault he fell for Voldemort’s lies. It’s nobody’s fault but his own.”

Harry clutches Remus his clothes in his hands. He doesn’t want Remus to let him go. He lets out an uncontrollable whimper and closes his eyes.

“Harry,” Remus says. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

“I thought,” Harry mutters. “I thought Neville was dead.”

Remus doesn’t let go of Harry. He holds him close. It’s the only reason why Harry stays upright. His legs are weak and Harry feels light-headed. There is movement around them. Professor McGonagall orders others around. Professor Snape escorts Draco out of the room and Madam Pomfrey takes care of Neville. And in the meantime, Harry just stands there, held by Remus. Until Remus asks him if he’s ready to go.

* * *

The hospital wing is quiet now, unlike when Harry and Remus entered it. Madam Pomfrey was busy with Neville. She just pointed at an empty bed and Remus had helped Harry to get on it. His legs are still a little wobbly, but he feels much better now.

Neville is going to be fine. Madam Pomfrey assured Remus that he will wake up soon enough and that he won’t like that. Apparently, he’s in for a massive headache for the next couple of days.

When she was done with Neville, she checked over Harry and when she was satisfied with the results of her diagnostics she moved to Draco. Snape was still with him and helped to translate Madam Pomfrey’s words. And then he had a discussion with Malfoy about the need to inform Draco’s parents about the events that took place this night. Draco begged him not to, and in the end, Snape agreed. Draco was not hurt or in any trouble, there was no reason to involve his parents. Draco teared up and signed a thank you at Snape.

Madam Pomfrey ordered that they both stay overnight, to make sure they get the rest they need.

“They will just be bombarded with a million questions once word gets out that Pettigrew attacked them,” she said. Remus and Snape had agreed. And then they left. Remus to write to James and Lily and Snape to wherever he goes when he isn’t torturing students.

So now the ward is silent. Madam Pomfrey is in her office. Neville is still unconscious. And Draco stares at Harry. Harry can’t help but to stare back. They should talk. Harry still hasn’t got the chance to thank Draco for saving his life. Or to apologise about the fact that Draco got mixed up in all this. That even now when they don’t speak anymore, aren’t friends anymore, Harry still gets him in trouble.

“I messed up my Potions exam,” Harry signs when he can’t take it anymore. He’s a chicken for not saying what he wants to. How hard is it to rub a fist over your chest and just be honest?

Draco does his silent chuckle. The corners of his mouth lift for a second and his eyes drop a little. Then he looks back at Harry. “I’m sure you did fine,” he signs.

They both fall silent again. Harry can’t look away. Draco is on the other side of the room, and the lights are soft. It’s hard to see the grey of his eyes. They are darker now in the twilight. Less like an ocean, and more like rocks. Draco’s platinum hair falls over his left eye. It has grown out even more and it won’t be long before Draco can pull it into a ponytail at the back of his neck. Harry wonders how long Draco is going to let it grow. He would be beautiful with long hair. Harry is sure of it.

Harry scratches the back of his neck as a soft smile forms on his face. “I miss you,” he signs.

Draco looks away. For a moment Harry thinks that Draco will turn completely and go to sleep. The conversation over. Only Draco turns back to face Harry. A tear glitters in the soft light of the candles. “I miss you too,” he signs. And then his head drops. Draco stares at his hands.

Harry wants him to look back up. He wants to know if they can be friends again. They both miss each other. Sure they can get over the fact that Harry loves Draco. They can still be friends. Harry will keep his feelings locked up. He will do whatever Draco wants.

Only Draco doesn’t look up. His shoulders shudder. And Harry can’t have that. He steps off his bed and walks to the other side of the room. He stops in front of Draco’s bed. Draco cries and Harry wants to hug him. Harry lifts his arm and reaches out. Softly he ticks on Draco’s shoulder.

Draco looks up. His eyes are red and his lips tremble. And he’s still the most beautiful person Harry has ever laid eyes on.

“You don’t need to miss me. I can still be your friend,” Harry signs.

Draco shakes his head.

“Why not?” Harry asks.

Draco closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes again, they are shimmering with fresh tears. His hands lift from his bed and he places them on Harry’s cheeks. Then he leans forward and places his lips on Harry’s.

Harry’s heart stops. He just died in the library and this is heaven. He goes completely still with his arms hanging loosely at his sides.

Draco pulls back and drops his hands. He looks broken. Harry can’t have him be broken. He needs to get his body to work. He needs to do something. Anything. Draco just kissed him. And now he’s pulling back, afraid he’s done something wrong. Harry needs to let him know it’s good. It was perfect. He snaps out of it, grabs the front of Draco’s nightshirt and pulls him towards him. Their lips brush again. And this time Harry makes sure that Draco knows that Harry wants this. More than anything he’s ever wanted before. Their mouths melt together and the world is perfect.

The kiss lasts forever and, at the same time, it’s over much too quickly. Draco and Harry smile at each other for some time. Then Harry climbs on Draco’s bed and sits down next to Draco. He pulls his legs under his butt and places another kiss on Draco’s lips.

“I’m sorry,” Draco signs. “For pushing you away before.”

Harry nods. It’s okay. As long as Draco doesn’t run again, it is fine. Sure he won’t run away again, won’t he? If only Harry knew why Draco rejected him before.

“Why did you?” Harry signs.

The answer is simple. Draco signs: “Dad.” And then he looks away and out of the window. Harry follows his gaze. The sky is black and the lights reflect in the window.

Harry takes Draco’s hand and brings it to his mouth. He places a kiss on it. Draco looks back at Harry. Harry drops Draco’s hand so they can talk.

“He doesn’t like it that you’re gay?” Harry asks.

Draco shakes his head. “He doesn’t like me. Can’t hear, can’t talk, can’t get good grades, can’t even fall for a nice pure-blood girl.”

Harry shakes his head. The more he learns about Draco’s father, the more he hates the man. Does he truly expect all that from Draco? And it’s not even true. Draco is so capable of doing extraordinary magic. “Your grades are improving,” Harry signs. “And you did amazing magic tonight. Your father should be proud.”

Harry is proud. And so in love. And so grateful for everything Draco did tonight. “Thank you for today,” he signs. “You saved us.”

Draco blushes and it’s the cutest thing Harry has ever seen. “I didn’t want you to die,” Draco signs.

Harry pushes his shoulder against Draco. “I’m glad I didn’t,” he says. “And your father is wrong. You can talk. We’re having a conversation right now. And you see things, notice things that others don’t. You hear with your eyes and that is amazing.”

Draco pushes Harry away. “Stop,” he signs. “You’re making me blush.”

“I like it when you blush,” Harry says. Harry pushes a strand of hair out of Draco’s face. “You’re beautiful,” he says without signing, as his hand holds onto Draco’s head, but he’s sure Draco understands. Their mouths find each other again and Harry can’t help but grin into the kiss. If it was up to him, they would do this forever.

“Did you kill him?” Neville asks suddenly. Harry pulls away from Draco and turns around so he can see Neville.

“Shut up,” Harry says. “I’m kissing my boyfriend. I’ll catch you up later.” Then he turns back to Draco and places another kiss on his lips. Draco laughs into the kiss and then pushes Harry to the side.

“Are you okay, Neville?” Draco signs.

“My head hurts,” Neville tells them.

“Snape said it would,” Harry says.

“Did they catch him?” Neville asks.

“No,” Draco signs. “I wasn’t quick enough.”

Neville lets his head drop back down and sighs. “Fuck,” he says. “Harry, tell me what happened.”

And Harry does. He tells how Pettigrew tried to kill him. And how Draco punched Pettigrew in the stomach and cast a protection spell to save Harry. He explains how Pettigrew got away and how Remus and Snape had shown up.

“Dad is going to kill us,” Neville says. He places his arm over his head. “And my head is killing me.”

“I’ll get Madam Pomfrey,” Harry says. He jumps off Draco’s bed and starts for Madam Pomfrey’s office.

“Just one more thing,” Neville says. Harry stops and turns around. Neville looks up from his bed with a grin on his face. “Next time I wake up I expect you to sit next to my bed holding my hand because you are worried about me, not snogging Draco’s face off.”

Harry laughs. “I’ll try to remember,” he says and then walks on.

“I’m happy for you,” Neville says.

“So am I,” Harry tells him. Then he knocks on Madam Pomfrey’s office door. He tells her that Neville is awake. Neville gets something for the pain and then they are all instructed to go to sleep. Harry lays awake for a long time, a bright smile on his face. Draco likes him. And kissed him. Pettigrew might still be on the loose. And Harry will probably be grounded for the entire summer holiday when Lily and James hear what he did. But all that doesn’t matter. With Draco by his side, everything is going to be amazing.

* * *

Draco’s hands are soft. Harry knows this now. Because he holds them regularly. Other students stare. Neville jokes about it, says it’s nice that for once he isn’t the centre of attention. Harry doesn’t mind that much. The truth is, he doesn’t care what others think. Not now that Draco is his official boyfriend.

Harry holds Draco’s hand at this moment. The sun is out and it’s a beautiful day. It’s their last Hogsmeade trip of the year. Harry and Draco are spending it with just the two of them. It’s their first official date. So they walk together towards the village. They won’t go into the main part of town. Uncle Remus has told Harry about this sweet little park close to his uncles’ home. It will be the perfect spot for a picnic.

They walk by Remus and Sirius’ home on the way to the park. A small basket is set next to the gate. Harry lets go of Draco’s hand and picks it up. Draco smiles at Harry and signs: “Are we having a picnic?”

“Yes,” Harry answers.

Draco smiles and his eyes light up. “I’ve never been on a picnic,” he signs.

Harry leans in and places a soft kiss on Draco’s lips. A blush spreads over Draco’s cheeks and Harry smiles. Draco is so beautiful when he blushes. Harry wants to kiss him all the time just to see him blush.

And the silence. Harry never thought he would love silence. But it’s one of the things he likes the most when he’s with Draco. There’s no need to talk or to do anything at all. They can just sit and do nothing. Well, Harry does nothing. Draco reads or works on some essays they have to do during the summer break. Harry will get to them when he feels like it. Exams are done. Now is the time to relax. Not the time to think about more things he needs to do for school. Only Draco, Hermione and Iris are sad the year is over. Neville likes to tease Harry that he found himself a male Hermione. Not that Harry minds. He knows how different Hermione and Draco are. Just because they both like to study, doesn’t make them the same person.

The park is almost empty when they reach it. It’s small. Just a couple of trees, a small playground and a couple of benches. Harry and Draco find a spot in the shade of an oak tree. Harry pulls a blanket from the picnic basket, takes his wand and spreads it over the grass. Draco sits down and lets his hand slide over the blanket. Harry sits down next to him and leans his head against Draco’s shoulder. Draco places his arm around Harry and they just sit. Harry’s heart is beating fast. This is different from the times they sat together at school. Draco is more open, less scared to show that he’s in love with Harry.

If he’s in love with Harry? Harry doesn’t know. They haven’t said it. They just hang out, kiss and hold hands. Should Harry tell Draco he loves him? Or is it too soon? Harry knows he does. He doesn’t doubt it. His heart belongs to Draco. But does Draco’s heart also belong to Harry?

Draco lets go of Harry and sits up a little straighter. He turns so Harry can see him. “What’s wrong?” he signs.

Harry shakes his head. “It’s nothing,” he says.

“You tensed up,” Draco signs.

“I’m okay, I promise,” Harry says. He pulls the picnic basket towards him and checks what’s in it.

Draco taps Harry’s shoulder to make Harry look at him again. “Tell me,” Draco signs.

“It’s nothing,” Harry says again.

“No, it’s not,” Draco signs. His lips thin and his movements become aggressive. Their date is going to get ruined if they keep this up. Maybe it’s already ruined. Draco is upset and Harry is tense. And it all started out so great. Why did Harry have to overthink it all? He’s a fool. And an even bigger fool for what he’s about to say. Because it’s definitely too soon for love confessions. They haven’t even finished their first date.

“Fine, if you want to know so badly,” Harry says. “I love you. That’s what’s going on. I’m in love with you. And I just wondered. I don’t want to assume anything. It’s just, I don’t know if you love me too.”

Draco stares at Harry. His mouth is slightly open and his eyes are shimmering. Moisture builds up in them. Harry should have kept his mouth shut. He knew it was too soon to bring up love. It’s a strong word. It puts too much pressure on them. Draco only just admitted he likes Harry. Why would Harry even think he already loves Harry as much as Harry loves him?

“You love me?” Draco asks. His movements are small, almost unreadable for Harry.

“I do,” Harry says.

“Why?” Draco asks.

Harry smiles. This is an easy question to answer. “Because you are amazing,” he says. “You have the most captivating eyes I’ve ever seen. You’re smart, patient and kind. And you’ve managed to learn BSL in a single year. And when I’m around you, I can just relax. My mind stops racing when I’m around you. And you’re beautiful,” he adds as an afterthought.

The blush is back on Draco’s cheeks. A real tear slowly makes its way down his cheek. Harry reaches out and gently wipes it away with his thumb. Then he leans in and places a kiss on Draco’s lips. “I love you,” he whispers when he rests his forehead against Draco’s forehead. Draco’s hands play with Harry’s hair for a little and then he pushes Harry away. His hands move and Harry’s heart skips a beat when he sees Draco’s fist turn in front of his chest and then point his finger at Harry.

Harry reaches for Draco again and their lips slam against each other. The food in the picnic basket gets forgotten as the kiss deepens. Draco loves Harry and Harry loves him. The world is perfect. Pettigrew might have got away. Is probably on his way to the Dark Lord if Trelawney’s prediction is correct. But they are all still alive. Draco saved Harry. And they’re in love. Nothing could be better.

“You two are unbelievable,” a voice says from behind them. Harry lifts his hand and shows Neville his middle finger.

“Neville, leave them be,” Ginny giggles. “They’re on a date. This is what people do on dates.”

“And how would you know that?” Ron asks.

It sounds as if they are all here. Harry wants to hex them all. Wasn’t he clear this morning when he told them he was going on a date with Draco and that they should stay away?

Draco pulls out of the kiss and stares over Harry’s shoulder. His eyes light up when he spots their friends. And maybe Harry can be kind. It’s their last day at Hogwarts. Their last trip to Hogsmeade this year. And it’s clear Draco is going to miss them all. Not just Harry. So Harry turns and waves for them to join them. They all sit in a way that Draco can see them easily and that brings a smile to Harry’s face. They’ve all adapted to Draco being deaf so quickly, and without complaints. Hermione and Ron are even learning how to sign. Hermione is making progress, but Ron is a disaster. He can’t seem to remember what he should do with his hands. Draco shakes his head and at one point even takes Ron’s hand in his to make him stop.

“What am I doing wrong?” Ron asks.

“You’re talking gibberish with your hands,” Neville tells him.

“I’m trying,” Ron says. “It isn’t easy. We didn’t all grow up signing every word we say.”

“It’s okay,” Draco signs when he lets go of Ron’s hands. “You try, but I don’t understand a word you say.”

“What did he say?” Ron asks.

“He’s glad you try, but he can’t understand you,” Harry translates.

“We’ll practice during the summer,” Hermione says.

“Great, more homework,” Ron sighs. He picks up another sandwich from the picnic basket.

“It’s going to be a good summer,” Ginny says. “With the Quidditch World Cup. I wish we could get tickets for the final. It’s in England this year.”

Harry and Ron agree. Hermione doesn’t get why it’s a big deal. Neville says it would be nice to go and see all the international wizards. Draco says that his father has tickets, but that he isn’t sure if he will take Draco with him.

“He doesn’t like me,” Draco signs when the others stare at him in disbelief.

“You’ll be fine,” Harry tells him.

“I’m scared,” Draco signs. He looks at his hands as if he’s surprised he’d just told them.

Harry touches Draco’s arm to get him to look at him. “Why are you scared?” Harry asks him.

Draco doesn’t answer. He stares at his hands again. Harry wants to pull him close and tell Draco that all will be alright.

The others get up softly. Ginny and Hermione both give a short wave towards Harry and then they all turn and leave Draco and Harry alone. Harry is grateful. Draco seems uncomfortable and Harry isn’t sure Draco wanted to tell them all. But maybe when it’s only Harry he’ll open up.

Harry gets Draco to look at him again. “It’s just us now,” he signs. “Can you tell me why you’re scared?”

“Father will be upset,” Draco signs. “And I’ll have nobody to help me at home. None of the other elves are like Dobby.”

Harry lets a soft curse slip over his lips. He still feels bad for setting Dobby free, now that he knows that Dobby was Draco’s lifeline when he goes home. But on the other hand. Dobby wanted to be free and Harry gave him that gift. But it hurts Draco, and everything that hurts Draco also hurts Harry.

“I’m sorry,” Harry says.

“It’s okay,” Draco signs. “Dobby hated being at our house. He’s free. He always wanted to be free. I just miss him. He was my only friend at home.”

“If it gets too bad, write me about it, and I’ll come and rescue you,” Harry signs.

A small smile forms on Draco’s face. “You’ll save me?” he asks.

“I’ll always save you,” Harry says.

It’s the right thing to say. Draco brightens up and then moves in to kiss Harry. Harry lets him. They might not kiss for some time after this. Harry will ask his parents if Draco can come to visit. But Draco’s parents might not agree to it, and then they won’t see each other for two months. So Harry makes sure that Draco knows he’s loved before he has to go to a home where love seems to be lacking.

* * *

Chapter Text

To everyone's surprise, it’s Draco who pulls Harry out of the compartment halfway into the journey back to London. Neville yells after them to be careful and to not permanently damage the girlish squad by kissing in front of them. Harry laughs and Draco lifts his eyebrows. Harry shakes his head and quickly tells Draco what Neville just yelled after them.

“Those girls are insane,” Draco signs.

“Don’t I know,” Harry says. “You would think that me having a boyfriend would stop them from hitting on me.”

Draco shakes his head and then takes Harry’s hand back in his. They walk through the train until they find an empty compartment. Draco closes the door and then continues to lock it with his wand.

“It’s kind of hot, watching you do magic without uttering a word,” Harry says.

Draco’s cheeks turn red and he looks out of the window. Harry steps closer to him and takes Draco’s head in his hands so they can look at each other. Their lips meet and they kiss for some time. Harry opens his mouth to let Draco’s tongue in. At some point, they move. Harry’s legs bump into the seat behind him and he sits down. Draco crawls on his lap, not stopping his assault on Harry’s mouth. His hands slide through Harry’s hair and Harry moans into the kiss. It’s perfect. How is Harry ever going to survive not being able to do this for the next two months?

Time passes and before Harry and Draco realise it the train comes to a stop. Draco stands up and Harry loves how devoured Draco looks. His hair is a mess, the top buttons of his shirt are undone, his cheeks are flushed and his eyes glitter.

“I don’t want to go,” Draco signs.

“I know,” Harry says. He stands up and places another soft kiss on Draco’s lips. “I’m going to miss you.”

Draco pulls Harry into another kiss and it isn’t until someone pounces on the compartment door that they break apart. They can’t stay here much longer. The train is probably almost empty by now. Harry takes Draco’s hand and together they go and get their trunks. They drag them out of the train and then get assaulted by Lily, who pulls Harry into a hug.

“Mum, let go,” Harry says. He looks to the side to see the sneaky smile on Draco’s face. He must be glad his parents aren’t this embarrassing around all their friends.

“Just a second longer,” Lily says. “I’ve missed you.”

“You saw me like six weeks ago,” Harry says.

Lily lets go and then turns to Draco. “It’s good to see you again,” she says. Her hands sign along with her words and Draco answers all politely, as the proper boy he’s been raised to be. At the same time, Sirius pets Harry on the shoulder.

“How was school?” Sirius asks. “Your grades weren’t as bad as your dad feared.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Dad always fears the worst,” he says. “And I always prove him wrong.”

“True. Your dad should have a little more faith in you,” Sirius says. “But you won the Quidditch Cup, so your dad won’t say a word about your grades. Your mum on the other hand…”

“I know,” Harry says. “I’ll promise to do better next year. I now have a proper study buddy who makes me do the work.”

Sirius smiles and shakes his head. “I guess you found your Moony then.”

Harry can’t stop the massive grin that spread on his face. “I guess I have,” he says. He looks at Draco who’s still talking to Lily. Neville has joined them, while they wait for Iris to say goodbye to her friends. Harry looks around to see if Ron and Hermione are still here, but he doesn’t see them. He’ll write them tomorrow once he knows how grounded he is during this summer holiday. Harry does see another familiar face. Draco’s father makes his way towards them, and he doesn’t look happy.

When Lucius reaches them, he doesn’t greet any of them. He just grabs Draco by his arm and starts to pull him away. Draco looks at Harry and he lifts his free hand to his chest and circles it over his heart and then points at Harry. Harry repeats the movement with dread in his heart. He knew Draco’s father wouldn't approve of their relationship, but having to say goodbye like this for the entire summer is hard.

“Mr Malfoy, could we have a word?” Lily asks before they are out of earshot. Harry could hug his mum. She’s amazing and Harry will do whatever she wants him to all summer if she will be able to give him the possibility to properly say goodbye to Draco.

Lucius stops and turns around. He doesn’t face Lily head-on, but stays at an angle, ready to continue his walk away from them all. “No, you may not,” he sneers. “We want nothing to do with blood traitors like you.”

And then they're gone.

Harry stares at the empty space where Draco and his dad just stood. It’s done more often, people Apparating from the station. But this seemed a little over the top.

“Rude,” Neville says to Harry’s left.

“What is wrong with that man?” Lily asks. She places a hand on Harry’s shoulder.

“He hates his son and everything that will make him happy,” Harry says. His voice is soft and he doesn’t lift his hands to speak with him. Sirius will be upset about it, but Harry doesn’t care at this moment. Draco was scared. Harry thought it wouldn’t be all that bad. But now he knows that Draco was right. Draco will have a horrible summer. And that is mostly Harry’s fault.

“Harry,” Lily says. She turns him around with her hand and places her other hand on his other shoulder. It won’t be long, and Harry will be the same height as her. She hardly has to look down at Harry. Her face morphs into one of compassion when she looks at him. She pulls him against her and circles her hands around Harry.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” she says.

Harry blinks his eyes and only now realises that tears have escaped him.

“How bad is it going to be for him?” Sirius asks.

“Bad,” Harry says against his mother’s shoulder. He’s sure Neville will translate for Sirius. Harry would sign, but right now he needs to be held by his mother. He doesn’t care that half the school can see him. His boyfriend just got dragged away by the man that is supposed to love him. But the only thing Draco will know this summer is hate. And there is nothing Harry can do about it.

“I’ll write to Narcissa,” Sirius says. “Try to convince her to let the boy stay with his new favourite uncle for some time this summer,” Sirius says.

Harry turns out of his mother’s arms and hugs Sirius. Sirius pets his head and Harry is glad he’s got so many people looking out for him and Draco. It won’t do any good. Draco’s parents won’t let Draco visit them this summer. Harry is sure of that. But it’s sweet that his uncle wants to try.

Before Harry is ready to let go, Iris shows up, chatting away about how amazing Hogwarts is and that she can’t wait for the summer to be over.

“You’re insane,” Neville tells Iris.

Lily laughs and then urges them all towards the exit. It’s time to go home and be alone for the next two months. Harry can’t believe he does, but for the first time in his life, he agrees with Iris. He can’t wait for the summer to be over so he can see Draco again.

* * *

A hand and cloth slide over the bark of the broom. Harry follows it with his eyes. It’s his hand, even though it doesn’t feel like it belongs to Harry. It has moved over the broom a million times by now. Harry should stop and put his broom away. But the idea of not having anything to do is frightening. Harry wants to stay busy.

Three weeks have gone by. Harry has sent a letter every other day. And until now, no owl has come with a letter in return. It might be nothing. But Harry can’t help but think, did Draco change his mind? Does he no longer want to be Harry’s boyfriend? Or has his father locked him in his room? Making it impossible for him to return a letter? Does Draco even know that Harry has been writing to him? Or will he be punished for Harry’s letters?

Harry doesn’t look up from his broom when James sits down on the bench.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen your broom this clean,” James says.

Harry shrugs and continues to slide the cloth in his hand over his broom.

“You want to talk about it, or should I give you something else to polish?” James asks. “Because if you keep this up, your broom will dissolve before you get a chance to fly it this summer.”

“Shut up, Dad,” Harry says. But he does put the cloth down and sits down next to his father.

“Draco’s mum finally wrote back to me,” James says.

Harry looks at his dad. His mouth is set in a thin line, and Harry knows that he won’t be getting any good news.

“They won’t let him see me,” Harry says. His shoulders drop and he stares at his broom.

“No, they won’t,” James answers. “I’m sorry kid. I don’t think I can force them.”

“It’s okay,” Harry says even though it isn’t. The party they were planning for next week seems stupid now. Who cares that all their friends will be there? The one person that Harry wants at his side will be missing.

“Did they say why?” Harry asks.

“You don’t want to know, son,” James says. He places his arm around Harry. “It’s a load of crap.”

“A load of crap that stops my boyfriend from coming to my birthday party,” Harry says.

“Yeah, that sucks,” James says. He pulls Harry against his side and squeezes his shoulder. “Still going to be an amazing birthday party. All your other friends will be there. I know it’s hard to believe, but the entire world doesn’t revolve around Draco. You are allowed to have fun without him.”

Harry knows this. He wants to have fun. But it’s hard. He just misses Draco so much. And not hearing from him. Harry gets that his parents don’t want Draco to visit Harry. But sure he’s allowed to send letters. There is nothing wrong with letters, is there?

“He hasn’t written to me once this summer,” Harry says.

“He might not be allowed to,” James says. “I’m sure that if Draco could, he would have written to you.”

“Do you think he’s got my letters?” Harry asks.

James stays silent and Harry blinks a tear away. “Would they keep them from him?” Harry asks.

“They might,” James says. “Sirius’ parents used to scan his mail, make sure he didn’t get anything inappropriate. It’s why I never wrote to him during the summer. They didn’t like me all that much. Draco’s parents might do the same.”

Harry leans into his dad a little more. “I hate that he doesn’t know that I miss him,” he says.

“He knows, Harry. Just as you know that he misses you,” James says.

They sit for a while, just staring into the garden. Harry doesn’t see anything. His mind is with Draco. Harry hopes he’s okay, that his summer isn’t too awful. Just five more weeks. Harry has never wanted summer to be over faster. It’s a new thing. But he does. At least when he’s back at school he can see Draco, touch him and kiss him. Harry misses the kissing. It’s the best way to pass the time. Even better than flying on his broom.

“Remus is joining us for dinner,” James says. “Said he had to eat alone again otherwise.”

“What is Uncle Sirius up to at work?” Harry asks. “I’ve never seen him this busy.”

“Sorry, can’t say,” James says. “Top-secret Ministry business.”

“That never stopped you before,” Harry jokes. Of course, it has, but only when James feels it should stay secret, not when the Ministry says it should stay a secret.

“Just know, when you find out, you’re going to love it,” James says.

“Unfair,” Harry says. He drops his head onto his hands that rest on the table in front of him.

“There is something else that I can tell you,” James says with a grin on his face. “Your mum and I decided you need some cheering up, so we don’t want you to wait until your birthday.”

Harry lifts his head a little. “You seem excited,” Harry says.

“I am,” James says. “Because we got you something amazing for your birthday.”

“What, another broom?” Harry asks as he drops his head down again.

James chuckles. “No, I believe this one will still do just fine,” he says as he nudges the broom on the table. “But it is related to Quidditch.”

Harry’s mind brings up a blank. What else could they get him that is related to Quidditch? Unless it has something to do with the World Cup that starts in two weeks. He shoots up and looks at his dad. Did they really? Will Harry go to the Quidditch final? But mum said it was too expensive. And Harry doesn’t want them to struggle because of his dream.

“We’ve got tickets to the Quidditch World final,” James says.

“No,” Harry says. He shakes his head and his mouth falls open.

“Yes,” James counters back. “For our entire family, and you can pick two other friends to come with you.”

Harry jumps from his seat and hugs his dad. “Thank you, thank you,” he shouts. He can’t stay still. He lets go of his dad and walks up and down next to the bench. “We’re really going?” he asks.

“Yes, Harry, we’re going to the Quidditch World Cup final,” James says. He’s got a massive grin on his face.

“And I can take two friends,” Harry continues.

James nods. Harry thinks about it. He wants to take Draco. He would love it. He likes Quidditch. If only he could come. Harry’s mood drops. He won’t be able to take Draco. Draco’s parents won’t let him.

“I’m sure he’ll be there,” James says. He doesn’t need to be told why Harry’s mood changed and Harry loves him for it. “The Malfoys have made sure they have tickets for a private box,” James says.

Harry nods. It doesn’t make it better. Harry wants Draco there with him. To enjoy the game together. To share the experience.

“You still have other friends who would love to go with you,” James says.

“Ron and Hermione,” Harry says. He tries to be excited. It’s amazing that they will go to the final. He just needs to remember that he dreamed of this from the moment he knew that the Quidditch World Cup would be in England this year. It’s amazing. And expensive. An amazing gift from his parents. And together with Ron and Hermione, it will be fun. They will stay overnight and have fun. Just as they used to do before Harry fell in love with Draco. It will be great. Even without Draco there. Harry will love it. He has to love it. Somehow. His parents spent a lot of their savings to give this to Harry. He can’t be ungrateful, just because he can’t share it with Draco. That’s not their fault.

“Thank you, Dad,” Harry says again. “I love it.” And he means it. He loves that his parents are willing to do this for him and his dream to one day play at that level. He hugs his dad who ruffles Harry’s hair.

“I knew you would,” James says. “Now go put away your broom and wash up for dinner. Your mum made her amazing meatloaf.”

* * *

The rest of the summer goes by slowly. Harry misses Draco like crazy, and nothing seems to be as fun as it usually is. Ron and Hermione stay over for a week and Ron proudly shows off his BSL skills to Sirius when they stop by for dinner. Sirius laughs at all the mistakes Ron makes, but at least it makes a little more sense than the crazy movements he made before summer started.

Harry is allowed to spend a week at Ron’s place. They fly around the large garden most of the time, joined by Ginny, Fred and George. The last two teach Ron that he’ll never be good enough to join the team, but Ron for once doesn’t let his twin brothers destroy his mood and doesn’t give up.

They go to the Quidditch World Cup final. The game is amazing and Harry has a great time. He spots Lucius Malfoy with his wife. Harry’s heart speeds up while he searches if Draco is with them, but they appear to be alone. Harry is disappointed, but when the night turns into a riot and the Dark Mark appears in the sky, Harry is glad that Draco wasn’t there to witness it all.

And then it’s time to go back to school. For the first time in years, Harry is the first one with a packed trunk and ready to go to the station. Once there, he spots Draco’s platinum hairs at the other side of the station. They look at each other and a smile forms on Draco’s face. He points at the train and Harry nods. He fights the urge to run towards Draco right there. Lucius Malfoy won’t take kindly to them falling in each other’s arms in front of him. Instead, he turns to his parents, gives them a quick hug goodbye and flies onto the train.

“Have a good year,” James shouts after him. “We’ll miss you, even though you can’t wait to get away from us.”

“Let him,” Lily says. “It’s Draco.”

Harry runs through the train, passes by other students who yell at him to slow down. Harry doesn’t listen. Draco is on the other side, making his way towards him. Harry can’t get to him quick enough.

And then he’s right in front of Harry.

“I’m sorry,” Draco signs.

“Shut up and kiss me,” Harry signs back.

Draco doesn’t have to be told twice. He takes hold of Harry’s shirt and pulls him into a kiss. Others pass them by, some hooting, others gagging or shouting insults. Harry doesn’t hear any of it. He can only feel Draco’s body close to his, Draco’s tongue in his mouth, their shared breath as they kiss. Harry’s heartbeat goes mental and a massive smile crafts itself on his face. Because Harry just knows. This year is going to be amazing. And no Dark Mark, Dark Lord, or evil parent will be able to stop Harry from experiencing it all with Draco.

* * * The End * * *