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Chapter Text

“Can’t you go any faster?” said Aziraphale. There was a frantic edge to his voice.

“I’m lacing as fast as I can,” said Crowley. “It’s not easy to do, all these laces and ribbons and things. What on earth are you supposed to be wearing this for, anyway?”

“I’ve got to talk to some shepherds, apparently. I’m supposed to amaze them by being radiant or something.”

“Hence literally the most elaborate garment I’ve ever seen,” said Crowley, grumpily. “Why couldn’t an angel sort this - garment out for you?”

“Oh, you know what middle management are like. They never give me time of day. I’m too menial. Not so tight, there.”

Crowley loosened the thing out a little. Realistically, the whole sparkly gold get-up was at least a size too small.

“What are you meant to be telling the shepherds?” asked Crowley. There was something about helping Aziraphale dress that was… odd, somehow. He was trying to think about something else.

“Oh something about a baby being special somehow. I’ve got a script to read from, thank heaven for small mercies.” He handed it over. His parts had been gone over in yellow highlighter.

“It says here that this baby is “the Lord”. Whose Lord?”

“Well I didn’t vote for him. Let me see that.” Aziraphale squinted at the page (his vision was fine, he just thought squinting at things made him seem smarter) then passed it back. “Goodness me,” he said. “I wonder if this is the Messiah.”

“Could be, I guess. Wouldn’t you know?”

“I’m just the messenger aren’t I? No point in letting me in on it.”

“I suppose not.” He frowned and stepped back to better get the effect of Aziraphale’s idiosyncratic garment. “Are you sure this is way it’s meant to look?”

Chapter Text

There were shepherds abiding in the field keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them:

“Fear not, for behold I bring- um- I bring you… look.” The angel swallowed visibly and nervously glanced upward to the dark and glittering vault of heaven. Then he turned his attention back to the shepherds with a small nod. “I’ve got this script here I’m meant to read to you, but I want to be honest with you about this, because I think it’s very important.” He lowered himself slightly in the air, so that he was closer to the shepherds’ eye-level. “There’s a child that’s going to be born in the City of David over there, and, quite frankly, I have no idea what he will be.”

One of the shepherds opened his mouth as if to speak but the angel forestalled him.

“I know,” he said, “that the very fact I’ve been sent here could be regarded as evidence that he is the Messiah, but God moves in a very mysterious way. I find, personally, that it’s best never to make assumptions about God’s plan. After all,” he said with a nervous giggle, “when you make an assumption, you look like an ass, and the, the shun umps you… or is it the other way around…?” he trailed off.

“My point is, I’ve been told to inform you that this child is the savior, the anointed one, the Lord. Um. But frankly I have as much information about this entire business as you do. If the child fulfills the requirements of the Messiah, then- then there you are, you see. But it’s equally possible that he might start a religious movement that is virulently Antisemitic and does horrible things to your descendants.”

The shepherds were sore afraid. And a little confused.

“But, you know, fear not,” the angel repeated rather futilely. “It might never happen.” He fidgeted slightly, as if shifting his weight from foot to foot. This was hard to do while hovering in mid-air. “So I bring you tidings of neutrality, and caution. Wait and see, that’s what I always say.” He nodded to himself.

One of the shepherds spoke in a hesitant voice. “Are you sure that robe is the right size?” he said. “My cousin is a tailor and I’m sure he would give a discount to an angel. If you wanted the seams let out.”

And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying: Glory to God in the highest, and peace on earth, good will towards men.

And the angel was drawn aside by the elbow by his boss, who gave him a stern talking-to about Following The Script and put a reprimand in his file.

And lo, the angel sloped off in search of a pub and his friend Crowley.