Chapter Text
There were shepherds abiding in the field keeping watch over their flocks by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them:
“Fear not, for behold I bring- um- I bring you… look.” The angel swallowed visibly and nervously glanced upward to the dark and glittering vault of heaven. Then he turned his attention back to the shepherds with a small nod. “I’ve got this script here I’m meant to read to you, but I want to be honest with you about this, because I think it’s very important.” He lowered himself slightly in the air, so that he was closer to the shepherds’ eye-level. “There’s a child that’s going to be born in the City of David over there, and, quite frankly, I have no idea what he will be.”
One of the shepherds opened his mouth as if to speak but the angel forestalled him.
“I know,” he said, “that the very fact I’ve been sent here could be regarded as evidence that he is the Messiah, but God moves in a very mysterious way. I find, personally, that it’s best never to make assumptions about God’s plan. After all,” he said with a nervous giggle, “when you make an assumption, you look like an ass, and the, the shun umps you… or is it the other way around…?” he trailed off.
“My point is, I’ve been told to inform you that this child is the savior, the anointed one, the Lord. Um. But frankly I have as much information about this entire business as you do. If the child fulfills the requirements of the Messiah, then- then there you are, you see. But it’s equally possible that he might start a religious movement that is virulently Antisemitic and does horrible things to your descendants.”
The shepherds were sore afraid. And a little confused.
“But, you know, fear not,” the angel repeated rather futilely. “It might never happen.” He fidgeted slightly, as if shifting his weight from foot to foot. This was hard to do while hovering in mid-air. “So I bring you tidings of neutrality, and caution. Wait and see, that’s what I always say.” He nodded to himself.
One of the shepherds spoke in a hesitant voice. “Are you sure that robe is the right size?” he said. “My cousin is a tailor and I’m sure he would give a discount to an angel. If you wanted the seams let out.”
And suddenly, there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying: Glory to God in the highest, and peace on earth, good will towards men.
And the angel was drawn aside by the elbow by his boss, who gave him a stern talking-to about Following The Script and put a reprimand in his file.
And lo, the angel sloped off in search of a pub and his friend Crowley.