Chapter Text
It was hard to focus. No matter what you were doing, your mind drifted back to him. From the moment you saw him you just knew. You knew you needed him. You knew you needed to be with him. And it was hard to deliberate on anything else.
Each day was like clockwork. An endless, boring cycle that you could never escape from. You woke up, got dressed, fed Amar and Garrett, packed her lunch and walked her to school, saw her off and then depending on what shift you had at The Eden Bar that day, on your morning jog. If you had the morning shift, you usually went home and spent the rest of your free time on art commissions that you got online while pampering your baby silly. Otherwise, if you had the evening shift, you went on your jog and then slept for the next couple hours, cuddled up next to Garrett. And then you got dressed again, maybe showered, and headed off to your shift.
It wasn't too bad of a life that you had made for yourselves. It used to be a lot more hectic with V and the triplets around. Being the eldest child out of eight had been a tough job since youth. Your mother had this stupid pipe dream to have ten kids. She only succeeded in fucking up the lives of the ones she birthed.
Thankfully Amar was her last. Maybe it was cruel to say but she couldn't sustain a proper life for the ones she already had, let alone the new ones she planned to make. So when she died of childbirth it was sort of a relief. You were never that close to her anyways. She never got too close to any of her kids.
Needless to say, your father didn't take too well to her death. He made his whole life about her. What he could give her, what she could give him and all their wonderful memories (wherever those were, you couldn't be certain since you had damn well never been a part of them). And so when she was gone he lost himself too. Not just a part of himself. It was hard to lose parts when every single thing about him was also about her. He based every aspect of himself around her. His personality, his appearance, his likes and dislikes. When she died, it was a blessing and a curse.
He went drunk. Addiction always ran in the family, that was something you were vaguely aware of. When he fell in, he fell in deep and he blamed her death on everyone and anything he could. Mostly on Amaryllis. She was the last daughter- the one that their mother had died giving birth to, so naturally, the fault fell on her in his sick, twisted mind.
He did put his hands on her but each time Juniper and you were there to try and save her, and so were the others, doing as much as they could do. But there were times you weren't as quick and times were you weren't able to come to her rescue. And those were the times that weighed heavily on you now. Amaryllis was not terribly reserved but it was true that she hid a lot from you nowadays. You had been tempted to go through her diary once but stopped yourself short and promptly told her you found it so that she could hide it somewhere else and you could stop thinking about it altogether.
You wanted to be a good person but sometimes the right thing to do was the most difficult thing to do as well. It was no secret that you were clingy to the people you loved. You weren't sure what you'd do in two years time when Amaryllis came of age and could finally leave the house just like all her siblings before her. Then it would just be you and Garrett.
And then what? Your purpose for life would be gone. You lived only to raise those kids. And when they were gone...-
"So, yeah, I'll probably be home at around 9 tomorrow..." Amar just got done telling you about the sleepover she and a couple of friends would be having as you journeyed to her high school in the local area together.
"Tomorrow morning?" You clarified.
Your gaze moved to the sky stretching above you both. A clear, cerulean blue with pearlescent clouds cascading by, peacefully. What a lovely morning, but not nearly as lovely as the morning that occurred just two days ago, in which you had met The One. The one who you fell in love with at first sight. His dark eyes were gorgeous like a deep lagoon, nothing like the diamond blue of the stratosphere that painted the world above you.
That gentle stranger. You remembered when he stood up properly from his crouched position. How his tall and limber form stretched up and up and up, towering over you.
"Duh? When else? Tomorrow night? What am I gonna be doing at Jennifer's place for a full day, mom?"
"Well, I don't know..." You mumbled, having never had a sleepover before (you didn't have many friends ever... you usually drove them away with how clingy you were), "I- I don't know what you lot do at sleepovers. If you had wanted to stay the full day I'd be fine with it as long as you told me when you were getting home, Amour."
Her nickname was a play on words. Since you often shortened her name to 'Amar' sometimes you switched it up to 'Amour', because she was one of the people in the world you loved the most. It just made sense to you and she didn't seem to notice.
"Yeah, well, her brother's a bit of a weirdo so no way am I staying longer than a night."
Something dangerous flashed in your mind in those moments. Amaryllis was a lovely girl. You had raised her well, you liked to think. Her grades weren't perfect but she was a ray of sunshine and she lit up every room she walked into. She was good and kind and any boy would be lucky to have her...
But if anybody was creeping on her then...
You pushed the dark thoughts out of your head. Amar had told you that her friend Jennifer's brother was quite young, just thirteen. The violent thoughts you were having were hardly appropriate for a curious child. But even so, kids of that age know right from wrong. And if he made your daughter uncomfortable you knew you would be willing to protect her.
By any means necessary.
"If he does anything-"
"He won't do anything," Amar assured with a light chuckle and roll of her eyes, "I know you're worried about me, and that's great, but you worry too much, mom. Andrew's a creep, but the most he's done is act weird around me. He hasn't peeped on me changing or anything."
"That you know of..."
"He hasn't," Amar insisted.
You wanted her to be right. But if she was wrong then you wouldn't hesitate to jump in. You loved her more than anything in this world. She was your sister- more than that, she was your daughter. Your family. You always thought of your siblings as your own kids and maybe that was unhealthy but since childhood, you never had much of a choice. And you never minded, much. You always convinced yourself you never needed a shot at childhood as long as your siblings got that.
"Thanks for caring so much," Amar's eyes twinkled with love and you felt your heart swell for your little girl, "It means a lot. I'll be home by 9 tomorrow."
"I'll miss you," You told her, honestly, as you came to a stop outside of the school gate.
It was still a bit early, so a few parents had gathered nearby. The gates were opened and there were teens gossiping on benches in the front area, and freshmen talking to their parents and friends. The ambient sound of childish laughter and gossiping mother's filled your ears.
You always hated coming here, in all honesty. You had been made fun of for being a teen parent in high school because the younger siblings always called you "mom". Unfortunately, that sort of talk wasn't left behind. You looked young, despite your tired eyes. Young enough for the other parents to see that if a sixteen-year-old was your kid, then you must've had her irresponsibly when you were younger.
That wasn't the case, nor was it their business. But their talk grated on you. You would be grateful and melancholy when you left. Every time you left Amar to the unforgiving jaws of high school it was a relief to get away from those nosey parents but it also dismayed you because it meant you wouldn't be seeing your beautiful flower of a sister for most of the day.
It sunk in that you wouldn't be seeing her for the rest of the day or for early tomorrow when you would've already headed off for your shift.
"I'll only be gone for tonight!"
Amar laughed and it warmed your heart as it always did to hear the people you cared about happy and healthy. You spoke in earnest when you reiterated...
"I'll still miss you. It's a long time to be gone..."
"Not that long," Amar snorted, "One night out of all the nights you usually get to have me. If I didn't know any better I'd say I was your favourite!"
You gasped in genuine offence. It had always worried you to some degree that you weren't loving enough to your dear family. The idea of you causing any amount of pain to them by making one feel less loved than another had always gnawed at your heart. They all deserved equal love and attention and you intended to give them it!
"I never favour any of my kids! None of you are above one or the other for me, I love you all equally!"
Amar laughed, clearly jesting as the sun shone down on the two of you. It made her face glow a bit. She always had a much richer skin tone because she was always playing outside more, like the other kids. You mostly stayed inside to watch them from the windows while you worked around the house.
"I know! I know!" She assured, with that grin that warmed your heart to see, "I'm just joking, mom!"
You resented your father for many things. Mostly for hurting your siblings and especially for his treatment of your Amour. You never had the time to hate him for practically turning you into the maid of the house. At least it quelled his wrath, a little, to do all the housework and to tend to his every need. You kept him sick most of the time with sleeping pills and small doses of rat poison. It meant he caused less trouble around the house.
You had considered outright murder, but you instantly knew you'd be the number one suspect, being the one who cooked the food, did the laundry and dealt with everything around the house. The cops would question your younger siblings who already called you "mom" and they would give them all the information they needed to know without knowing that they were outing you. You couldn't tell them if you were planning a murder, they'd most definitely have conflicting thoughts about it, and you couldn't put that pressure on them.
"I can think of a laundry list of reasons as to why that's not a good joke!"
On top of that, you were the oldest and most fit to take care of them. You had been banking on the hope that you could do just that and keep the siblings together as long as possible. Lord knows the foster system would split them up and they didn't deserve to be bounced around like that. So you stewed in quiet anger and admonished your father inside.
"Loosen up. Sometimes you're too much of a parent for your own good."
"I am a parent," You frowned.
"But you're also a person. Sometimes I think even you forget that..." Amar sounded quite melancholy as she looked off into the distance.
You hadn't meant to hurt her...
"I'm sorry..."
"Wha-? Mom! It's not your fault!" She chuckled, waving her hand dismissively, "It's nobody's fault. Nobody's except dad's... and Sage's, too."
You shifted awkwardly as you thought about murdering your father again for everything that they had done to your kids. Your sweet, innocent kids (except Juniper, he was not innocent... still sweet, though!) who deserved nothing but the world.
Years later, you had returned to his last place of residency (your childhood home) in hopes of ending his life. Enough time had passed that you could play it off as never wanting to see him again. But he had gone. The house had been sold and he was gone. You never truly knew where to. He could've died for all you cared, as long as he was far away from your loved ones.
Your dream was to one day buy back that house and make some good memories there to overtake the bad ones. It wasn't all bad, though. After all, you had raised your siblings there and so the house had its fair share of good things to reminisce on, as well.
"You became what you had to become," Amar continued, showing a shocking level of understanding, "I wish we could give you back all those years that you spent looking after us... or at least I wish we could repay you-"
"I don't need payment," You smiled, completely blindsided by the very thought, "I don't want payment, either. Seeing you kids grow up to be the amazing people that I knew you would is enough for me. Just keep being you- keep being happy, and I'll be happy as well."
"You say that- and I knew that you would, anyways- but it doesn't feel like enough. You were our sibling before you were our mom and you were just a kid when you took on both responsibilities and more."
"I never minded."
"You never knew anything else," Amar said.
You didn't believe her. You couldn't. This was your life now, and that was okay as long as they were in it. You would be fine with giving up everything as long as they were somehow by your side in some way.
"You never knew how childhood could be because you were never given the chance to experience it. That's what Miss. Davidson-Hyde said."
Miss. Davidson-Hyde. She was a pleasant woman and Amar's counsellor. You had talked to her more times than you'd like to admit. Just like all counsellors, she talked a lot to you over the phone (as the legal parent and guardian of your Amour) about the things- the more concerning things- that Amar had expressed over therapy. Or, at least what counted as concerning things to her.
She had come to you about Amar's attraction to women which was how you found out about it but you let Amar come out in her own time. That was fine by you. She had come to you about some of Amar's concerns about you not eating well, ect, ect. You appreciated the concern and lied and said you'd do better. You pretended. You had gotten good at pretending. She came to you about bullying (curse stupid fucking kids...), about her thoughts and feelings towards your father and your mother.
"That's nice," You smiled, sharply, "But I wouldn't ever change my life. Not for the world. I have you guys and it doesn't matter whether I could've lived a different life. I like the one I have now. I love caring for you guys."
"I know. You never stop," Amar looked at you, tenderly and it made you hurt for hurting her even though you didn't mean it, "You deserve better."
"We all do. We all did. But we can't change the hand we've been dealt. We can only work with it."
"That's why I've been thinking... you should take a day off from being our mom."
Her regrets about never getting to meet her and feeling guilty for wanting to despite the pain she caused her other siblings. The fact that she did blame herself a lot for her death due to your father's cruel words. About how she always felt like she was holding you back from you reaching your full potential. You supposed that's how it was coming out, now.
You scoffed. Parents don't just take days off from being parents. That could be really harmful to their kids.
"I appreciate that you want me to unwind or take a break or... whatever. I promise you that I will do that, but I'm also promising you that regardless of what other life I could've lived. I know I missed out on a childhood, and I know that it's unfair. I appreciate that you care so much, my dear. I do. More than you could ever know. But being your parent- it has been the best experience of my whole life. I have truly loved being your mom. I have truly loved watching you guys grow. More than anything in the whole world. Please don't be worried about me, hun. I'm alright. It's not fair- life never is- but it's life. And we have each other. It doesn't matter what I've missed out on, I've got something much more valuable."
"But, Miss. D-"
"Miss. Davidson-Hyde doesn't know me like you do," You cut her off, not wanting to come off as rude but also not wanting to argue anymore on this.
"She does now! I've been telling her, yaknow. She doesn't know you any other way!" Amar smiled.
You decided was best she didn't know that her counsellor and yourself had extended chats about everything she said in counselling, lest she feel like she couldn't trust anyone. You knew that it completely destroyed your self-confidence and left you unable to trust when you found out your own counsellor did the very same thing...
"But... even if you say that, mom," Amar continued, "I still can't help but feel bad. And I know the others feel this way too, sometimes. I want to at least do something for you. I want to at least make things up to you even if you don't want it and don't need it."
Amar was shockingly articulate about your issues. She had a good amount of empathy that you praised her for since her youth. Always such a sweet and polite kid, even if she became less so over the years. That empathy never left her. It was impressive as it was upsetting to you, to see her in pain over something out of her control, over something you'd never change for the world. And most of all, over something she blamed herself for even if it wasn't her fault.
"That's kind of you, Amour. That's so, so kind of you. And I love you for it. But there's no need."
"There is no need," She agreed, "But it'd feel wrong not to."
"I don't like being the focus of things..." You admitted, hoping that would somehow stop her from getting ideas.
"Would it make you feel better if it wasn't just about you, but about having fun in general? We could have a day together where we go to a festival or something and just do kid stuff. Go on rides, eat candy floss, play games..."
You deliberated on it and still felt guilty.
"I'm sorry I made you feel as though you had to do something in return. I never wanted a reward for doing something I enjoyed- for caring for you guys."
"That's not it!" Amar informed, sharply, "I just... want to. Of my own accord. You haven't done anything to make me feel this way. I think that's just why I ended up feeling this way on my own. Well... not totally on my own. The others feel this way, too."
"Then... if it's any consolation I'd love to have a day with you, my dear," You smiled softly.
"I'll get to planning soon, then! No ifs, ands, or buts!" Amar assured, instantly perking up, "For now, I've gotta focus on the upcoming sleepover."
You resisted the urge to sigh and looked off again, awkwardly. Amar was lovely. So lovely. She didn't have to think of you but she still did. And you wished she wouldn't want to hang out with those crappy people. It would just mean less time to worry about her.
But she deserved happiness and to adventure and explore new possibilities.
"I'm gonna miss you..." You repeated, absently.
She laughed.
"You already said that!"
"But it's true..."
"I won't be far, and I won't be long! If anything, you should be happy to get some peace and quiet. You're always telling me off for yelling over video games. Now I'll be doing it... just at someone else's house."
You glared at her, lightly, and knocked her side a bit with your own.
"Don't be too loud. Just because you're at someone else's house doesn't mean the rules of etiquette don't apply. Jennifer has neighbours and parents, y'know?"
"I know," She grinned smugly, "But you know how competitive I get."
"It runs in the family..." Like a lot of other things... "I'm serious. You yelling over games is the weirdest thing. It's not real."
"It's real to me!" She threw her arms up in the air before huffing as she folded them, "You just don't get it. You never play video games but if you did you'd understand what I'm talking about. It's so frustrating."
"If it frustrates you then don't play."
She gave you a look that told you that you had just had a dumb bitch moment. You shrugged it off. Raising seven siblings meant you never had enough time for luxuries like video games. You were glad they were able to partake, though.
"You don't get it."
"Alright well, maybe I don't," You rolled your eyes again, "Just be polite, watch your ps and qs and tell Jennifer I said 'hi'!"
"You hate Jennifer," Amar scrunched her nose in confusion.
It was true, you did sort of hate Jennifer. Amar often came home to rant about what shenanigans that little trite had gotten her into. Jennifer was a bit of a troublemaker, it was true, but that was the least of your problems.
It was her friends. They were god awful, in your humble opinion. Though Jennifer didn't directly partake in the whole: "Oh my god, you're gay??? Don't hit on me!!" thing, it was clear to you that she never defended Amar against it and in your mind, that made her just as bad. You could never, ever imagine sitting by and letting people make fun of those you loved the most. You could never imagine actively being friends with those sorts of people, either. It was the very reason you had stood up for Zephyr in school.
She was your oldest little sister and, unfortunately, the worst offender of the 'flower name scheme' that your delusional mother had set up.
"True," You admitted that you hated Jennifer, "But she's your friend and I'll support you regardless of my feelings towards her."
Since your mother was so connected to plants and nature, she insisted that every one of her kids must have a plant name. And your father agreed on the condition that he got to choose any name he wanted for his firstborn. It was sort of tradition for him to pass down one of the family names.
That's how your name was Y/N. It was a name from one of your great grandparents. You couldn't remember who, you just knew it was one of them and you didn't care much for it since they were all dead. Your dad cared a lot about them, though, and that was why you received that necklace you kept in your jewellery box catching dust.
And to the naming thing, it was also how poor, dear and darling Zeph's name came to be Zephyranthes. Charming for a baby perhaps, but long-winded and worth bullying, apparently.
You swallowed at the thought and continued speaking to your weirdo little sister.
"You deserve to have fun at that sleepover. And as long as it's a small sleepover, I'm sure things won't get rowdy and you'll finally be staying away from trouble!"
"Hey! I'm not some troublemaker, yaknow! I can handle myself!"
"I know you can, sweet pea. But peer pressure can be a lot and I would never blame you for caving to it... unless you hurt someone really badly. Then I'd blame you a little."
Your sister giggled a little and slapped you on the arm, lightly.
"They're not all bad. I've never been peer pressured by them before."
You didn't believe her for a second, but you nodded as if you did.
"Well then they better keep that track record. Or else I might have something to say about it..." You spoke in a low tone.
Amar giggled at your words, seemingly not taking the threat seriously, but paused. She seemed to be debating telling you something. You waited patiently. You were twenty minutes early so more parents were rolling into the car bay to drop off their kids that were flooding onto school grounds. You had taken up a space a bit out of the way so you didn't get trampled.
"Um, yaknow Jen's blonde friend?"
Your eye twitched in annoyance. As stated before, you hated Jennifer's friends more than Jennifer herself. You had only seen the group a handful of times and every time you got the urge to bludgeon them until their annoying high school girl giggles turned into their own gurgling blood. But that was just a silly fantasy that you tossed aside.
"Which one?" Maybe one of the more bearable ones...
"Kitty."
No such luck then. What sort of parent calls their child Kitty? Never mind, you knew what kind... from personal experience.
"I know of her," The one always causing the drama- how could you forget?
Amar had spent many evenings ranting about her and the new shit she was causing. Teenagers can be so fucking awful. Kitty was no exception. In fact, she was the epitome of it. If the girl had any redeeming qualities you certainly hadn't heard of them.
"We were planning on going to her place some time- not straight after the sleepover or anything! But just some time! At least she doesn't have a creepy brother!"
You must've had a look on your face because your sister groaned and rubbed her hands on her eyes, exasperatedly. You didn't think she had any right to act like that when she was friends with brats.
"There's no pleasing you, is there?"
You sighed.
"Can you at least send me her address? So that I'll know where you are when it happens?"
"Sure!" Amar grinned, nodding thoughtfully, "I'm excited because she has a treehouse!"
Rich people...
"Oh, that's lovely! You'll have to tell me all about it, Amour. I've never been to a treehouse before, it sounds fun."
Still, you were happy for her. Even if you were getting an awful feeling about all this.
"You haven't?"
"No..." You smiled wistfully, "Like I said, it sounds fun though. So when you get back you'll need to tell me all the details!"
"I just said we're not going right away," She grinned something smug and nudged you lightly.
"And I was just saying that when you do, you should tell me about it," You replied, quirking a brow in slight irritation.
"Haha! Okie dokie, you can count on me!"
"I know..." Your voice dropped into something more cautious, dangerous, sharp, "Be safe at your sleepover, my dear. Don't let them push you around, alright?"
Amar seemed to ponder on this for a while. You weren't sure for what reason, they were fairly simple instructions. Difficult to put into practice, perhaps, but overall simple. You were afraid that they'd get her into trouble- hurt her, insult her, make her do something she'd regret. Anything.
You wished you could be there to protect her, but even you knew that your sweet pea Amour wasn't a child anymore. She could fend for herself. You had to trust in her. So, you'd try your best.
"I'll be careful. I promise. And I'll call you if anything bad happens," She nodded, thoughtfully.
You couldn't stop the giddy grin on your face. She was trusting you, as well, in turn. And that was beautiful.
You'd see to it that Amar would be totally safe and happy no matter what. Even if it killed you. It didn't matter as long as you could do this one thing for this amazing girl you loved so dearly. A pleasant breeze passed over the both of you as you gazed at her beautiful, smooth face. You admired her gorgeous self. She was growing into a fine young woman that you couldn't be prouder of. She and your other siblings were your greatest achievements in life. Even if you could never pursue your dream job and were stuck bartending for the rest of your life, it would be worth it just to see them grow and flourish like the flowers they were.
"Please do. You know I'll be right there if you need me. No matter what!"
"I know, ya creep," She teased, making a jab at when she woke up one night and saw you watching her sleep.
"I'm not a creep," You grumbled, awkwardly.
You had to scream at your subconscious that desperately yelled at you about how fucking weird you were being with that hot stranger. That tender stranger who ran his fingers through your son's silky fur. That gorgeous smile he gave at you when he looked you in the eyes like you were the only thing on the planet he needed to pay attention to.
And that blush... oh, that blush that you longed to see more of. More and more and more. Just what would make him do that? If you held his hand? If you held him? If you kissed him? These thoughts ran through your head at one hundred miles an hour. You had to know him. Everything about him. Every little detail of him and his life and the world he lived in and saw from a day to day basis.
Even crawling into his own mind wouldn't be enough. But just his name and contact details would suffice for now. For now. Nothing would satiate the hunger burning inside of you. Deep inside. As if rooted in the very atoms that made up your corporeal form and then deeper, deeper into the quiet chasm that was your very existence. Your spirit. Your heart. Your thoughts and subconscious all for him- all made for him.
Nothing but him. You needed him. You had to have him, to protect him, to hold him. To make sure nothing would ever hurt him. Nothing would ever touch him. Nobody could ever be good enough for him and his graceful, angelic presence. That smile. That stunning smile, those rows of razor-sharp teeth. All of him was too good for anyone. Including yourself. But you could give him a good life, you were sure of that.
You could take care of him, love him, nurture him. If he would just need you the way every inch of every fibre of every part of you needed him as well. Vibrating with euphoria at the idea of gazing into those soft, tender and yet piercing, watery eyes that dragged you under over and over again. But you didn't mind. You'd let him drag you in. Drown you. Burn you from the inside out if that's what he desired. He was everything- everything.
The past two days had been a fruitless endeavour, but at least when you returned home this time you could spend the free time you had searching once again.
"Uh-huh? Says the creep who-"
You snapped out of it.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. You'll never let me live that down but I've already said that watching you be safe keeps me calm, you little snipe," You messed up her hair by ruffling it and she groaned.
Same skin tone, same hair, same eyes. Most of your siblings looked similar like that, though V loved dying their hair and June always had a darker shade of H/C, while the triplets all looked exactly the same, with a lighter hair tone that the rest of you didn't have.
"You literally sound like Edward Cullen," She complained, fixing her hair, "Next thing you know, you'll be saying you 'can't live without me'."
You gulped, knowing how accurate that was. Edward had been so desperate to chase Bella down, to know everything about her. Was that not exactly the same sort of thing you were doing for this tall, handsome stranger with those enigmatic, galactic irises that reeled you into the deep end with no hope of clawing your way out?
Wasn't that the same?
In the book... Bella was flattered by Edward's obsession, by his stalking, by knowing that he would follow her into death. She wasn't terrified of him or his strangeness or the danger he posed to her. And finding out he watched her sleep, she wasn't deterred. In fact, if anything it made her like him even more. Would he react that way? Or would he turn you away and scorn you as any normal person would?
It was a silly pipe dream. A hopeless hope. An addictive, fanatical sort of desire that you clung to and prayed for. You had barely slept at all the past two days. You had been out, frantically searching like a mad man and, of course, you came up with no results. Just fatigue and disappointment. You had to find him again. This wasn't just a simple wish. This was something all-consuming. A fire taking everything in its path, destroying everything in its wake. Burning your skin, searing the hands that grasped at straws and licking the throat that screamed in pain and anguish for him.
"Are you saying you could?" You deflected.
"Yes."
You gasped, offended as you placed a hand on your chest.
"Rude!" But you were glad.
After all, you wouldn't be around forever. And when the time came for you to pass on, as sad as it was, you never wanted to be the reason she was distraught. Or any of your siblings to be honest. If you died it was almost preferable for them to forget you, even if it hurt. As long as they were happy, you could try and be happy, too.
"I'm kidding!" She laughed, "Jesus! Who do you take me for?? Bros before hoes, mom."
"And the hoes in this situation are...?" You raised a brow.
"I don't know... moving out? Getting a job? College? Literal hoes?"
"Ah, yes, because they'll just be throwing themselves at you once you flee the nest," You rolled your eyes.
"HEY! I-I just haven't hit my second growth spurt yet! One of these days I'll have the biggest boo-" You snatched a hand over her mouth in an instant.
Parents were looking at you again. You discreetly nudged your head in their direction. Amar just looked unimpressed and when she licked your hand, you waited a few more seconds before pulling your hand away and wiping it on her face.
"Ew! Gross! Seriously?"
You deadpanned.
"It's your own fault, you weirdo. You can dish it but you can't take it?"
"It's not funny when it happens to me!" She whined and you snickered at her.
As childish as she was, she was a bright kid. And she had a wonderful future ahead of her and you'd see to it that she could be comfortable and nurtured as she approached it. It was the least you could do. Having no future yourself, you didn't want that for her. You didn't want her to live the same, routine life that you did. With no hope of escaping the cycle.
Amaryllis deserved her own life. You knew. But the selfish desire to keep her forever was so tempting it was hard to ignore. But you ignored it regardless. Her happiness was what you wanted forevermore.
Even if it meant you weren't sure what to do with your life afterwards.
"Right..." You folded your arms, amused at your dumb sister, "You take care, you little deviant. At both your dumb sleepover and your dumb high school."
Perhaps that's something you and your father had in common. Basing everything you were around living people, unable to stop yourselves so that when they were gone, so were you.
You never went to college. You didn't have the time or money. As soon as you finished high school you got a job and started working your ass off to get your siblings out of the toxic environment that your father had made for them. June went into the army as soon as possible, Zephyr went straight into a career- right into college.
That left you with V, Amar and the triplets. You worked yourself half to death to provide a life for them and they had all turned out to be amazing kids that you couldn't be prouder of. Amar was the only one attending high school. V went far away to pursue their career. They got a full scholarship in a far off state. You sent them on their way, even though it pained you, you tried to be happy for them. You knew that you'd only hold them back with your doting.
They looked happy to leave. You knew that if you were them, you would've left too.
"Even you agree high school is dumb. This is why I suggested homeschooling."
That did sound nice, having someone at home all the time. But you knew if you did that you'd never be able to let her go. And she had to make a life of her own, you knew that. You'd never tie her down to you, no matter how much you would've loved it, admittedly. To take care of someone forever.
Your heart ached as your mind swerved back towards those luscious, fantastical, deep blue eyes that matched that strange sweater. You adjusted the glasses on your face, hands clammy at just the thought of him again.
You could take care of him forever. You would've been glad to. You would've given up everything... butterflies fluttered in your stomach as a shy smile came on your face at the idea of returning home from a long day of work to his open and tender arms ready to embrace you and thank you for taking care of him. Children running around the house as he held you in his arms.
"You're too much of a hassle when I have you for like six hours each day. You expect me to take care of you 24/7? I think the fuck not, pardon my language."
None of that could even begin to happen if you didn't even know his name. You kept kicking yourself, viciously in your mind. You should've done better. You shouldn't have left so abruptly. Sure, he was probably annoyed with your pestering, but he could've given you his name if you had just asked instead of running off like a fucking idiot-
And now you'd never have the chance. Ever.
"You were the one complaining about how much you'd miss me!" She scoffed, indignantly, "Nothing's ever enough for you!"
Your mind jumped back to your siblings again as your sister spoke in a joking tone. You wanted to keep them forever, it was true. But your siblings had already been held back so much. You didn't want to be the reason they couldn't be happy.
But what about my happiness? The thought made your throat dry as you shoved the thoughts away. A familiar face bubbled into your mind. Striking blue eyes, his large hand taking care of Garrett. That smile. That gorgeous smile you could never escape from. Even in your dreams, he was there. You had to find him again.
But no, that wasn't important. You swallowed it down and turned back to your lovely daughter. She was important right now. Not you. Not... not your weird infatuated with that kind, beautiful, generous, sweet, sexy stranger-
"You're like Sharpay from High School Musical! You just 'Want It All'!"
You furrowed your brows, thoroughly unamused.
"You're bizarre, hun. Utterly bizarre."
"You want me to talk about the time you took a whole art gallery's worth of pictures of Rob when he wasn't looking?"
A hard, red blush settled across your face, already sweltering in the heat. It was true, you had that sort of tendency. Rob was your first boyfriend and it had broken your heart when you parted ways but in the end, it was for the better.
Besides, he didn't hold a candle to the man you had met just two days ago. And no matter how much walking around you did in your spare time, going back to the previous spot you had seen him at, you couldn't seem to find him again. You had made the mistake of running off and not coming back to see if he was still there or to see where he went. You had made the mistake of not asking for his number or even his name.
So many rookie mistakes... just what were you thinking??? Why did he get such a harsh reaction from you?? You just wanted to hold and to touch him and to gaze into his gorgeous, delicious eyes for the rest of time.
"Alright! Fine! Whatever! Just go have fun at your sleepover and look after yourself, you damned miscreant!" You messed with her hair as she complained again.
"Hey, watch it! It took me hours to get these space buns in!" They looked cute on her, but she looked even cuter pouting like that.
"Be safe, be polite, and call me if you need anything," You ignored her as her scornful gaze faded, "Anything at all."
"Thanks, mom," Amar's voice became more earnest and thankful.
You leaned down and kissed her on the head. She took the kiss with a pleased smile as a comfortable, fuzzy feeling filled your heart and stomach. True, family love. A bond that was completely unbreakable. When you pulled away, she seemed to believe that you were coming to grips with this arrangement. But you weren't, in all honesty.
You had gotten good at pretending.
You could never imagine just sitting by and letting Zeph get harassed by people for any reason. Whether her name was something common or her own, whether she was queer or not. The idea of befriending any of the worthless riffraff that dared to hurt her or any of your loved ones made you sick to your stomach. And that's why you hated Jennifer. Jennifer, who stood by and shrugged it off, telling your sweet baby angel that they were 'just kidding'. Jennifer, who sought out drama and stuck her nose where it didn't belong.
You were reminded of the time the little brat asked how old you were and then tried to pry as to why you were a "teen mom". You shut her down quickly and Amar had said you embarrassed her. Thankfully you turned it into a teachable moment and ever since, Amar hadn't brought the menace back.
It rubbed you the wrong way that those girls would be attending the sleepover.
"I love you, my dear."
You truly did. More than any heart could handle. If she got hurt when you could've protected her- if they did something to her at the sleepover-
"Love you too, mom!"
And like that, your worries washed away. She headed into the school gates and you saw her off with a wave. A couple of students were looking your way. You ignored them because only one student mattered in that godforsaken place. And that was your daughter, your beloved sweetie pie- your Amaryllis.
But without her there, your mind was free to wander. And of course, it defaulted back to the man that had been on your mind the whole day (and the day before that, and the day before that... and the day before that, which was the day you first saw him...) with no signs of disappearing.
Every time you saw his face in your mind's eye, your heart squealed in delight. Your chest squeezed in on itself, threatening to crush your aching, soaring, enthused heart. Every time you remembered the words he said verbatim, your entire body jolted with a searing sort of pleasure you couldn't quite describe. It wasn't sexual, it was pure and sweet like candy filling every inch of you, creating a warm fuzzy feeling all over your nerves and brain.
Thinking of him was like thinking of a beautiful happy memory. He was a beautiful, happy memory. That smile that nearly brought you to your knees. Those eyes sparkling in the sunny day like a pond in a quiet, peaceful woodland. He looked so genuinely serene. Like some sort of ethereal force of light enjoying the tranquillity of a quiet river.
Oh, and how his voice was so tantalising. So perfect. The deep and dulcet tones of his words sent goosebumps prickling up your spine. You had tried imagining what certain things would sound like in that Siren's song of a voice of his, but none could compare to the real thing that you so desperately craved. You coveted that darling voice to tell you everything he knew. All about his childhood and his good memories, his previous relationships (you promised yourself that you wouldn't get jealous; if anything it would just help you learn more about the things he liked out of relationships in general, and that was something you could thank any other partners he had in the past (unless they hurt him, in which case you were not above destroying everything that made them happy in the way they may have done to him... which was no exaggeration. You would have dragged them through mud and dirt and across concrete by their hair and stomped their already mushy and bloodied face into a curb with their mouth biting into it, splitting their jaw from their skull with a sickening crack. You would've watched intently, drinking in the very moment the life left their eyes, listening to the keening scream that would rip from the back of their throat and feeling their shoulders and body jolt with sobs of pain as thick ropes of hot, crimson blood spurt out and stain your clothes- stain your shoes- stain your skin- oh, your poor, sweet angel... you just hoped he was okay now...)), the things that made him happy, the things that made him sad.
His favourite foods, his favourite music, his favourite colours- everything. It was difficult not to want everything from him when you remembered what he had said to you.
" You're cute..."
His words rung throughout your head and you couldn't hide the giddy grin and blush on your face in remembrance of it. He called you cute! He even called you sweet! You had replayed that night after night, lying awake before running off to try one last time to see if your search would turn up results. No such luck.
He was just being polite. That's what you told yourself because it was true. His tone was nervous so he was clearly uncomfortable. And who wouldn't be if a weird speed freak looking bitch in their cupcake pyjamas came up to them and started petting the same cat they had been petting just a moment earlier? He was probably freaked out at first and then felt too awkward to just leave with her there.
Besides, who would call you cute? He was bizarre and yet enchanting. You hung off his every word and when he said that... it made you want to believe him. Which was definitely a first. Rob and Trent had said such things to you before but you were always too keen to push it aside. Maybe it was because he seemed so gleeful yet nervous when he said it. But you weren't delusional. He was probably nervous because he didn't know how to end the conversation and felt forced to continue.
You had been there, and you felt that. That's why you were so quick to flee. You didn't want him to feel forced to talk to you.
What was he supposed to say anyway? "Welp! Bye!" or something? You had put him on the spot and he didn't know how to make his exit. It was good that you made yours instead. After all, you didn't think you'd be able to take the heartbreak of him admitting how weird you were or something before scurrying off. Although you would've understood, it still made your heart clench and tears want to raise in your eyes.
What a horrible first impression to the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. Maybe under better circumstances, you could fix things?? You fucked it up and you had to make it up somehow... or else- or else you'd never see him again.
The worst part was, you had nobody to go to about this sickening obsession you had begun to nurture. Any normal person would've gone to a therapist but after going to a counsellor in high school and having your feelings shared with your parents like that, you were keen on avoiding ALL people in such roles.
Except for V, who was a prodigy of a psychology student and you were sure one day they would totally change the game when it came to counsellors, therapists and the like of it. They were truly amazing and you were utterly proud of them beyond compare! You were proud of all your kids/siblings. June for succeeding in the army and thus he would likely be able to attend college and whatnot. Zephyr for her dedicated career path into beauty- and now she was a very important make-up artist in the industry! The triplets were all in college dedicating their studies to History, Forensic Pathology and Engineering. Chrys and Cozy Cossy had always been more science-y than Cole-flower, but you hadn't expected him to go into History and yet he was extremely good at it! So you were proud nevertheless.
You still weren't sure what Amar wanted to do but you'd support her no matter what. Looking at her reports, she had exceptional grades in Biology and she loved the aquarium. So perhaps she'd go into Marine Biology in the future? Whatever pathway she chose you hoped that she would allow you to help her if she needed it.
You also hoped that your other siblings and her might be willing to accept another person into the family. You didn't know anything about the stranger except that he liked cats, he was too enticing for his own good, he had the most symphonious, soulful voice that touched your heart. And that you couldn't stop thinking about him and that bewitching smile, that irresistible blush, that awkward yet charming fashion sense and those prepossessing, alluring eyes of his that (as cheesy as it was) you could get lost in.
Every thought led straight back to him... it was like he had caged you in your own mind. And you liked it.
The sudden realisation caused you to halt straight on the path a burning sensation behind your whole face and in your neck, peeking between the monochrome colours of your skin. Running a hand through your hair, you sighed and tried to suppress the dumbfounded and absolutely, positively lovestruck grin on your face.
This was the first time you had fallen in so deeply. And over him stroking your cat? Maybe it was because he was so gentle with him, maybe it was because you loved cats, or maybe it was because you liked the idea of someone treating the people you loved the most in a kindly way, or maybe it was a combination of all three.
If you didn't know who he was soon then it would kill you from the inside out. You would die. You just would. You didn't know how- maybe from a broken heart? You just knew- you could feel it in your very soul- in your blood, your bones, in everything that you were (all of which was meant for him) that you simply wouldn't be able to handle not knowing. You would get desperate eventually. And you had no leads. No idea of what his name was. You'd have to go to extra measures that you had already contemplated before.
And you didn't want to turn to that. You wanted to prove to Zephyranthes that you didn't always turn to violence. That it wasn't your first instinct to hurt people. How could you do that when those were the very same thoughts warping your mind so dangerously?
There was no other option. If you wanted to remain sane you simply had to find him. You had to. There was no choice in the matter. Your fate had already been sealed the moment you had your very first breath, the moment your existence began, and the moment you saw him stroking Garrett so gently, so caringly.
There no fighting that magnetic pull. If you couldn't chase him to the ends of the Earth then you didn't know what you'd do. This was no longer just a want. It was a need. Deep within your soul, sowed into the very fabric of your being. There were no other options. There was no fighting it.
You needed to know. Because if you didn't, you might just go insane. Yearning for him. Ripping into your flesh, carving into yourself, deep within you as if trying to get it out- get it out- you needed to know- you HAD TO KNOW-
You took in deep breaths as you walked, clenching and unclenching your fists. It made you uncomfortable just how in the deep end you were. You had never even gotten close to feeling this way about anybody else. It both scared and excited you. You had been in a relationship with Rob for a good two years in high school and you hadn't ever felt this way about him. Probably because he was so dry and boring and he never had any free time to hang out with you. But being a high school teen you devoted your whole heart and soul to him and the relationship.
So when he left you for that bitch Emma (or whatever her name was), the girl he told you not to worry about, you fell to pieces. Juniper never liked him anyway, and apparently beat him up downtown at one point because of it. It may have been sadistic but the thought that he was in pain after screwing you over so thoroughly was something to be enjoyed by you.
Of course, on the outside, you reprimanded Juniper for it. On the inside, you relished it. And on the down-low, you subtly rewarded Juniper when you shouldn't have. You had a feeling he knew and you had a feeling he knew your anger with him was just for appearances. When you gave him extra homemade cookies, or an extra serving of food, or put just a little bit more effort into helping him with his Homework, he looked at you as though he understood. It was like a little secret only the two of you shared.
Usually, you would hate to see any of the people you loved being hurt. Rob was the exception, just this once.
Although you were certain Rob wasn't cheating on you, since you checked through his phone, through his laptop, through his fucking game boy- his emails, his texts, even the texts he had with his guy friends to get any clue, it still hurt knowing throughout the whole relationship he didn't return your feelings in the slightest. You were just a distraction from his true end goal. His "Girl Best Friend", who you had been insecure about since the start of your relationship. They spent all their spare time together and whenever she was around it was like she was bragging about how much she knew him better, about how close they were.
The relationship you had with Trent was shorter, about five months and you had met him at Amaryllis' favourite milkshake and eatery place. It was called something like... Daz's Diner? Dan's Darn Diner? Damn Diner? Dad's Diner???? You met him there and he was sweet and interesting but the spark you had fizzled out like it had been doused in water. It was a mutual break-up, even though it still hurt a good bit and you couldn't understand at the time but you started to realise it was because you felt unlovable. Trent was charming- he was it. No guy had been funnier or more intriguing than him (until that blue-eyed, lanky stranger) so when the relationship ended, even though it was for the best, it felt like you'd never have anything better.
Until that blue-eyed stranger. That tender fellow. That gentle giant who ran his large hands over your cat who rubbed against him so contentedly. He was handsome, charismatic in his own right, and he was happy, too. Seeing him happy brought a warm sort of joy to your whole being. It made you giddy to see more. You wanted to be the one to make him smile, to bring out that charming grin of his and to hear that melodious laugh that made your heart thrum in your chest and soar like a bird in the summer breeze.
You weren't sure what it was about him. You weren't sure why you hadn't had the same reaction to anyone else before. He was a total interloper. You didn't know him. You didn't know a thing about him, except that he was unexplainably magnetic and he drew you in with everything that he was. And that, despite how strange it was, you wanted to give him every happiness possible. You wanted to take care of him, to give him all the love and affection and attention that he would ever need.
You were a simple person with not many needs and requirements. You just needed to be needed in turn and then you could give everything you were to him. You didn't mind. As long as he returned the favour.
Oh, how lovely that would be...
Imagining him returning your affections was like a deep, warm slumber, swaddled in blankets as snow poured somewhere outside. But you were safe, wrapped up in this fantasy. Imagining those soft, mellifluous tones of his tenor voice reverberating through your ears as his thin arms wrapped around your body and held you close, whispering sweet nothings into your ear. Or- imagining holding him close to your chest as you comforted him with your own gentle assurances and loving utterances in a soft whisper that only he could hear. To show him that he was the only thing in the world that mattered to you in those moments.
You would've hibernated for life if it meant you never had to wake up to the reality that was the door to your house as you stopped your walk and your enamoured daydreams, by extension. But if you hibernated for life just to immerse yourself in a beautiful but false unreality... you'd never see him again.
Whoever he was.
And that just wouldn't do. Because if you never saw him again, you knew you'd regret it. There'd never be another one like him. There just wouldn't. Somehow, you knew it, deep in the depths of your besotted heart. You just knew that you'd never find someone else like him ever again. So you had to find him or else you'd never know if you could've had something with him. You'd never felt this way about anybody before and you just felt it in your bones... you'd never feel this way about anybody ever again.
So if you didn't pursue this feeling... you'd never have another chance.
A hard lump of anxiety formed in the pit of your stomach. The realisation hit you like a bucket of ice water, making your hand hesitate against the door handle. There would never be another kind, lovely yet odd stranger like him. There would never be another person you'd feel like this for.
So you had to find him. There was quite literally no room for failure. Or else you'd be alone... forever.
And you'd never get to see that smile or hear that laugh or gaze into those deep pools of murky blue that were his luminescent eyes. And an existence without that, without this feeling, without him- was it even worth living in the end?
He couldn't find you.
He couldn't find you and it bothered him immensely.
When you came over, he had thought you were odd, to say the least, but that was overtaken by the complete and utter adoration he felt when seeing you. You were a mess, but an authentic mess and it was very cute. You in those cupcake pyjamas that hugged your form, lighter and thin in the summer heat. Sweat making your forehead and arms shimmer under the sun's golden gaze. You looked like you had just run a few miles at full speed, lazily tied shoelaces and shaky hands that were small enough for his whole hand to encapsulate.
That look of relief when you found your cat. He really had thought that he must've been a stray for a moment, but when he saw how well taken care of he was, and how friendly he was, he thought that the owners must've been stupid to let him wander off without a collar. Until he realised that you were the owner.
Well-meaning, but naïve. Avoiding his eye contact at every turn. And the delightful red on your cheeks at the compliments he gave. You must've loved cats- after all, why would you have and dote on one as much as you did if you didn't? He loved cats as well, that was just another thing the two of you had in common. And now that he saw you, he wasn't willing to give you up.
Those soft and yet slightly iridescent E/C eyes lovingly peered into his soul. He felt as if you understood everything about him- like from that one moment of eye contact, your destinies were intertwined. There was so much passion in that gaze of yours. So much to be seen and desired. He wanted to reach into your mind and understand all the secrets of the world that you clearly knew. As if you had been seeing the world in technicolour all along when he had been seeing in black and white.
It certainly felt that way for a long, long time. But then your eyes met and it was as though a door had opened, allowing light to flood into the world. There was such adoration in that smile that you half-heartedly covered with one hand. You simply had to understand what he was feeling. You must've felt the same deep and sparking connection.
And when his eyes roamed that body of yours- monochrome skin sun-kissed and lathered in sweat-
"Nnnnghhh-" He bit his lip, a gasping intake of breath as his fingers stroked a bit too roughly.
Would you treat him roughly? Or be gentle? Lining your titillating, tender entrance with the head of his throbbing cock. His tip was red and swollen for you.
"Ahn!" Oh, the sweet moans he could pull from that glorious mouth of yours.
He would give anything in the world to stare into those breath-taking eyes that shone in the sunlight that dipped behind swinging trees in the coming summer breeze, shining almost opalescent in the golden sun. The way wisps of your H/C hair chased after the lukewarm air that brushed past your collarbone and dragged the hem of your shirt along with it. You must not have noticed how the apex of your hip was revealed to him. After all, you had no reaction to it. As if it didn't even matter.
It mattered. It took everything in him not to grab you by the waist and pull you in right then and there. He saw the way you pressed your lips together to suppress a smile. The way goosebumps prickled on your arms despite the weather being so hot. There was no way you didn't feel the way he did. There was no way you didn't want this. You had lived life simply to find him in those moments. After all, wasn't that why you were there?
Because he was your boyfriend. And you were his Soulmate. You just had to be. The stars aligned and the heavens opened up to bring you to him. His perfect match. His soulmate. His lover. And what a beautiful and perfect gift you were. Just waiting to be unwrapped by him. Just waiting for him to ruin you. And he had been waiting for so long for someone like you to ruin him in return.
"Darling! Ahh- ah!" He didn't know your name so he couldn't say anything else as he pumped himself languidly.
But he knew those eyes. Mysterious, like a puzzle just waiting to be solved by him. Those eyelashes fluttering against your warm cheeks, alight with a blush that broke through the monochrome colour of your skin, tinted with a lovely, complimentary pink.
It was like you sought to open him up and read him like a book (you looked so intelligent, so you probably read a lot, right? he wondered what sort of books you liked- romance? mystery? thriller? ... smut?) with those flickering, lustrous irises. He could feel you analysing his whole face when you thought his eyes were focused on your cat. But they were always focused on you, even if they weren't completely looking your way.
In his peripheral, he watched your gaze scan over him. He watched you suppress that angelic laugh of yours. Speaking of your delicious voice, your kind words made him fall even harder for you. He was delighted by your flattery, and it was the first time he felt attractive in a long time. He had people make comments about his shark-like teeth, but they were never from you and they were never as genuine and kind as yours. Very few people liked their natural sharpness, though it lended itself well to his scene phase in high school.
His hands gripped his burning flesh, the teeth you thought were "cool" sinking into the flesh of the lips he was practically begging you to lean in and kiss. He could almost see you in his head, leaning forward, brushing your fingers over his skin instead, lips ducked down into his neck, nipping and kissing roughly, before tenderly pressing against his own as he squirmed under your soft yet salacious stroking.
"Thanks- I-I think you're sweet as well."
It was like you had this magical ability to open your mouth and say exactly what he wanted to hear. In just a few words you confirmed that you were enjoying his company just as much as he was enjoying yours. He yearned for more. And that was just one conversation. The first and only conversation he had ever had with you. The first of many. He wanted more, more, more.
It would've been so easy to grab you then and there. He could've held you down with ease if he wanted to. Fucked you into the pavement as you were screaming for him to cum inside and breed you. Even if you couldn't have kids, just the idea of filling you up to the brim made him moan into the open bedroom, slipping fully into his fantasies as his dick twitched in his hands, threatening to spill over as he pumped over and over again, tongue sliding out of his mouth, drool slipping down his chin.
Waiting was worth it to see the flustered expressions adorning your radiant face. At first, he thought that he had messed it up and scared you away by coming off too strong. But you surprised him with your compassion and genuine friendliness.
"I-I'm not scared..."
You weren't scared! You weren't afraid of him. You wouldn't be afraid of these urges- the urge to stab, slash and gut anybody that dared to touch you. Only HE should touch you. After all, he was your boyfriend. Every inch of his existence- his body, mind, soul was made for you. How could you reject all of him- every piece of him that was made only and purely for you- after you showed such admiration for him in those mesmerising eyes of yours?
He couldn't help but notice your low self-image and it hurt him to hear you didn't think you were as beautiful as you truly were. That, or you were just incredibly humble. He was sure he could've figured you out by now if he had observed you. However, you were proving most... illusive.
Not only that, but the thought that he wasn't the only one out looking for you enraged him. Searching in the night for your delicate form had allowed him to find a boatload of nothing. Nothing except a figure he was sure was searching in the same places as him. Were you being followed by someone already? He had tried to follow them into the dark alleyways they had been travelling in but they seemed to vanish at every corner he turned. He had spotted them at least four times in similar areas. At the park, the place they had met and at a few shops nearby in the town.
If someone was out to hurt you- or out to take you away from him, he was not above finding and killing them, stabbing them over and over again until they bled out. Brutalising them, mauling them, tearing them to blood and pulp until their eyes hung like egg yolk in their sockets and their teeth serrated their own gums... until their skin was just an empty sack and their guts were spread all over the ground... so that he could bring their corpse to your door so that you could finally know that you were safe.
Thankfully, however, the figure in black, as suspicious as they were, did not bother him. And after the third time, he was somewhat sure that it might've just been a coincidence that he was seeing them all over the place. He was sure that they had spotted him at least once, what with his glowing eyes. It was difficult for him to hide, but they didn't bother him and they didn't outwardly indicate a desire to find his Darling. Just that they were looking for something in some of the same areas. He had caught them looking right at him the fourth time and they simply fled the area.
But whoever the fuck that was didn't matter because you were what was important. You and your ethereal presence lingered in his hazy mind. When he made even the slightest bit of contact his cheeks went aflame and when you backtracked immediately after it made him positively terrified that you would run. That you would push him away.
And you had, but he was sure it wasn't because of his own faults and somehow that hurt him even more. Knowing that you weren't scared of him, but scared of his rejection. He just felt it in his soul, hearing how you couldn't believe he thought you were the most gorgeous person he had ever seen (well... he hadn't exactly said it like that, to be fair...), seeing you shudder with anxiety and prickle under his sharp gaze (which was satisfying when he chose to believe you had a crush on him). He wanted you to be happy and in his warm embrace, holding him- or him holding you, he could go either way-
"MmMMMMMmmmnn! Darling!" He moaned, tilting his head back at the very thought.
When you had picked up your (Balinese!) cat and apologised over and over again he just wanted to reach out and assure you that it was okay. To put his hand on yours- he had been so close before, and when his fingers brushed yours it sent shivers down his spine... if only you hadn't pulled away so quickly...- and tell you it was alright, that you were really no trouble and that he enjoyed speaking to you. Maybe a little too much... and maybe he wanted to do more than talking...
However, you took off immediately. The apologies and urgency to get away from him had been shocking enough, so he froze up and that was the worst mistake of his life. Because you were quick. He hadn't seen you before, ever. So he didn't know that about you before it was too late and you were already taking off, rocketing down the street at an impressive speed.
He scrambled to give chase after you but you were already gone when he turned the corner you had run down. He panicked. He didn't even know your name, who you were, where you lived- how was he supposed to pursue you and watch over you and guard you if he didn't know these things?
His first instinct was to search around the neighbourhood. From what little you had said about your cat's wandering habits, you had to have lived close by or else you wouldn't have thought to look there. But despite his deductive skills, he came up with no results. He looked at every house closely but found no trace of anything that would point to your living there. He thought maybe if you were so quick you had been doing a lot of exercise, so he dropped by the local gym, he searched up and down the jogging track and the park itself to see if you might've been there on any morning runs.
But there was nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.
It frustrated and terrified him. Just the thought of that disbelieving smile and your gentle laugh that you unconsciously suppressed behind those soft and deft hands of yours. He felt how warm they were from the summer heat, from your running.
How could he find you when he knew so little about you? How could he protect you and ensure nobody was going to hurt you or take you away from him if he didn't even know where you lived? Or who you were? Or who was a possible threat? All he knew was that you had a Balinese cat, that you were utterly, inconceivably adorable and that you were a fast runner. He had nothing else to go off.
Those two days were like utter hell to him. The only time he found solace was at home when he could fantasise to his heart's content about all the things he could do to you when he finally found you. Hold you close, fuck you hard right into the pavement you were sat on, without a care of who was watching-
Ohhh, but then everyone would get to see you like that. And he wanted to be the only one to see all of you.
To run his fingers all over your supple, bare skin. To watch as your face flooded with colour. To see you squirm as he shoved his tongue inside- around- all over your body, as he sucked you down for every last drop. He wanted that pretty little body wrapped around his. He wanted to grip the meat of your body in his hands as he pounded into you with every bit of who he was. He wanted everything- every bit of you.
To drink your sweet essence. To taste your tongue. To push you over the edge of ecstasy over and over again until he had wrung you dry for every last drop you had in you.
He could just picture his teeth sinking into your neck. He could just imagine his cock sinking into your sweet hole, as it tightened around him. Those gorgeous tears in your eyes as he delicately soothed you and ran his hands through those silky, H/C locks of yours. Gazing into your eyes as your mouth closed around his leaking dick. Letting you wrap your arms around him as you lay together, legs intertwined. Or waking you up as light slipped through the curtains to his tongue running along your sex and making you release over and over again until you begged for him to stop.
And he would stop if you asked him to. Because he loved every inch of you and would never dream of treating his darling wrong. His darling...
It was excellent masturbation material. And after a stressful day of searching all over for those hypnotic E/C eyes and that soft voice, that gentle smile, it felt amazing to wrap his hand around himself and unwind, imagining you below him taking every inch. Unfortunately, it would never beat the real thing. He would've loved to have watched you sleep, all peaceful like. He would've loved to hold your hand and imagine that you were already his.
You had to be. It was fate that you had met in the first place. Who were you if not his Soulmate? His only reason for existence. Every road of his life would lead back to you. So he tried not to stress too much, because it was your mutual destiny to find each other once again. He just wished it would happen sooner already. Every second without you- every second that he wasn't worshipping you or basking in your presence was a second wasted. Life was dull without you.
He longed to feel the warmth of your skin against his, to hear those delightful moans, to make you scream his name.
If he had hair, he would be tearing it out. He could not go on with life without trying. Without a taste. Without an assured future with you. He needed you. And you needed him too, he could feel it. What was life without you? He hadn't even known of your existence before, he had just been living adrift in life. But now that he had gotten a taste he couldn't go back. He didn't know how he had survived without you. Every time you gazed deep into his eyes like you were drinking his very presence in, he felt electricity sparking in his whole body. Warmth pooled in his stomach as you smiled and laughed with him.
He was hooked. You were like a drug to him. When you called him sweet, it was like he had just gotten his fix and utter euphoria flooded through him. And when you ran away, he felt his heart shatter. He yelled at himself inwardly, trying to give chase. But you were just so quick. He had scared you off. He just hoped to find you again, to try and make up for it with a date or something.
You were such a tease. You had to know the way you were affecting him. You just had to. He was fairly obvious about his natural body reactions, the blush on his face and the stammering. You had completely floored him with your adorable smile and your tender love towards your cat (who he was deeply jealous of... he wanted to be the one you were running your hands over and smiling at like he was the only thing in the world that mattered). And the way you evaded his eyes was almost too much for him. You were too cute for life itself. He wasn't lying when he called you cute.
He thought he had been obvious with his flirting. You had to know he was interested. So why did you run away? Were you playing hard to get? Maybe you wanted him to find you... maybe you were waiting for him.
The very thought made his thick tongue lull out of his mouth, drool rolling down his chin as he pumped his hand up and down his length. God, he wanted you. This was the fourth time he had gotten hard this evening. He was addicted. He needed you. He needed that salacious body of yours (which he knew would take all of him in with little complaint), he needed to hear those darling noises that you'd make wrapped around him.
He needed you to hold him, to take it slow, to run those nimble fingers over his bare chest, over the scars that would be left behind from all the self-loathing he felt from making you run away. When his dick was stinging from all the raw fisted grabbing with his hand, he had to find other ways to let out his deep infatuation for you. And if it wasn't pleasure, it was pain. A knife running along his chest as blood trickled down his grey skin.
The thought of you in someone else's arms made his rage boil over. He would kill anyone that got in the way of him and his Darling. You were his happiness and he was prepared to do anything to keep you all to himself. Even if that meant spreading the guts if whoever got in his way all over the floor and fucking you into the blood until cum and crimson mixed together. He didn't mind milking you dry and he was sure you wouldn't mind either. After all, you were meant to be together! You were made to be with him and he was made to be with you.
A slur of inconsistent sounds slipped between his lips and off his prehensile tongue as he began his trek up the peak of fervour. His touch was more erratic now, the swollen head of his cock threatening to burst with hot strings of his seed.
Sweat ran down his head as he imagined your soft, tender touch along his arms and back as you left amorous, passionate kisses along his neck and left your mark against his collarbone just as he would've done to you. In his mind's eye, he gazed at your warm face, so full of life and adoration for nobody but him (and your cat, he supposed... but he didn't mind sharing a family and being a cat dad! After all, he had Rat too, and he was nothing if not a fair boyfriend) as you pressed into his skin and eased down on him.
So benevolent and so romantic. Your touch drove him to the brink of insanity- to the height of bliss. His whole body functioned for you. His heart beat for you. His entire existence was tailor-made for you. To be your boyfriend. And one day, you'd see it too. And the both of you could be happy together and have a family. Nothing would stand between him and his Darling and the future he knew he could have with you. He keened a whine, feverish for your touch, his whole body hot as he toppled over the edge, your smiling face filled with a fondness for him- and only him- reflected in those deep, pools of E/C that were your eyes. Warm and tender and so lovely. That sunny smile was the only thing painting his mind-
. . .
He made a mess again.
And afterwards, as he panted for breath, face red, body aching with need as they slowly lost tension from his perfervid climax, he was filled with a sense of determination. He would go searching for you again tomorrow. And when he found you, no matter what, he'd ask for your name and your number. That determined resolve allowed him to clean up and then sleep peacefully for the night.
Because he knew he'd find you. There was no resisting the string that held you two together. You were made for each other. And he would find you.
No matter the cost.