Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Have you seen him yet?”

I rolled my eyes at Lucy, handing her the organized bundle of mail for her floor.

“I have yet to have the pleasure,” I grumbled, pushing off on the ground so the wheelie chair would move me over to the other end of the desk to grab the ringing phone.

“Saint Jude’s Hospital Long-term Care, Deirdre speaking, how may I help you?”

Lucy learned on the counter to wait, but I motioned for her to shoo. I didn’t have time to gossip about the new hot doctor.

“Please hold while I transfer you.” I said, pressing the appropriate button before putting the phone down. I picked up the walkie talking and asked the third floor to please answer the phone on line 2.

I felt frazzled, and stood up with my hands on my hips, surveying the desk. It was big enough for two; really, this job would be better suited to two people, but alas, there was not budget money for that here.

“Move those papers,” I murmured to myself. Potential client forms in that file, hospital transfer requests in another, hospice referrals…

Once everything was filed away, I sat back down in my chair and swivelled around to go through the emails.

“Saint Jude’s Hospital Long-term Care, Deirdre speaking, how may I help you?”

“Two-two-seven-five.”

“Pardon?”

“Transfer me to room two-two-seven-five.”

“I’m sorry ma’am, if you know the extension of the patient you are calling, please dial that instead of pressing 0 to speak to the receptionist.”

The lady hung up in a huff.

Just as I was getting into an email regarding events for September, I heard a familiar, rhythmic thumping. It was Mrs. McCarthy, trying to break the glass sliding door (that was locked) with her cane.

“Mrs. McCarthy, would you like to go for a walk in the garden?” I asked, standing up so I could see her over the desk.

“Let me out of this god forsaken place,” she replied, waving her cane. I called for a free attendant on the first floor to come see Mrs. McCarthy.

Someone hit the outdoor buzzer. I pressed the intercom button: “Welcome to Saint Jude’s Long-term Care. What is the purpose of your visit today?”

“I’m here to see my mum, Angelina, in room 213.”

“Come in,” I said, releasing the button. The first door opened, then closed. The woman signed the guest-book; obviously, this was not her first visit.

Someone finally came to take Mrs. McCarthy, and I buzzed them out as well.

“Mail for the second floor, hallways A and B are ready,” I called over the walkie-talkie. We only used the floors-wide intercom for emergencies, like when someone was having a heart attack or bludgeoning another resident with their cane. I’m looking at you, Mrs. McCarthy.

The long-term care branch of Saint Jude’s was not what we call well funded. I mean, the hospital wasn’t well funded either. But most people who resided in long-term care were riding out the worst part of their life, waiting either to be strong enough to leave, or to die.

As for the staff, we were nothing special. Almost everyone was fine at their job. One or two were not so useful, but not to the point of negligence. Short-staff days were tough. As a receptionist, I didn’t have to deal with too much, other than the night and weekend receptionists being utterly useless and leaving me piles of paperwork and unread emails.

I was trying my best not to watch the clock, but I had twenty minutes left. Lucy, however, was done for the day, changed out of scrubs, and was hovering around reception trying to chat me up.

“You’re not listening to me.”

“I told you I wouldn’t,” I hummed, clicking print on the email about food sensitivities for Brian in room 124.

“Dee, he’s stunning, okay? And, so far, he’s not even an ass. Like, the single nurses upstairs have all agreed that we will let whoever he fancies date him, but only after it’s obvious who he has chosen. Each day, it seems they add more rules.”

“Are you throwing your hat in the ring?” I ask, stapling the pages together before adding them into the nurse’s mailbox.

“Of course,” Lucy said with a grin. “And I think you should too.”

“He’s all yours,” I reply. Lucy shakes her head.

“Wait until you meet him. You’ll change your mind, I promise.”

Eventually, the night receptionist turns up and I explain everything that happened during the day. I’d only been the day receptionist for four months, but I was the most senior receptionist. The night receptionist nodded, put on headphones, sat down, and pulled out her phone.

“Dee, come on,” Lucy called from the door.

We had to wave to get her attention to be buzzed out.

I hated getting into a hot car, so we started our trek across the parking lot to our usual shady spot.

“Dr Fitz planned a welcoming party for him this weekend,” Lucy tossed out, trying to be casual.

“No.”

“Please, Dee? I have to go, and I don’t wanna go alone. I need a designated driver. A DDDee.”

I rolled my eyes as we got into the car. “Why’s Fitz holding it?”

“Fitz wants the CEO job. Everyone thinks Josephs is retiring at the end of the year.”

We both squirted hand sanitizer on and rubbed our hands together as Myrtle the Turtle warmed up enough to start blasting sweet, cold, AC.

“Wouldn’t Sinclair be next in line?” I asked. Lucy sat up, a sign that she had hot tea to spill.

“Sinclair was caught sleeping with a nurse in the on-call room, so he’s on suspension for a few weeks. I think Fitz sees this as his ‘in’ to the main hospital.”

“Fine, I will go as your DDDee,” I relented. “But only if you use it to kiss butt to get into the main hospital, and not as a gossip recon mission.”

Lucy grinned. “Aye aye, captain.”

A moment later, Lucy grabbed my arm.

“See that Mercedes? I bet it’s his.”

I glanced at Lucy quickly, but turned back to look out the windshield. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“The black one. Over there. Super tinted windows.”

I nodded. “Nice.” I mean, it was a nice-looking car. If you’re interested in a nice car.

“Nice? Ugh. It’s luxurious, and it tells you that he’s not a show-off with his money like some doctors around here.”

“Calm down,” I joked as we approached the car in question. “You’ll hurt Myrtle’s feelings.”

Myrtle was a dark green Ford Taurus from 1996. Grey cloth seats, airbags, radio, and a cassette player. Oh, and a pine-tree air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror. She wasn’t winning any sprinting competitions, but she was reliable. And affordable.

Lucy filled me in on the less-interesting gossip from the day as I drove. One nurse switched sides of the hall with another nurse because she knew that one of the residents had diarrhea. One resident had chucked each of his shoes out of his very small window and one of them had hit someone on a walk, causing an accident report that I would have to file tomorrow. And one of the rules for dating the new doctor was that you couldn’t strike up a conversation with him yourself; no, that was to obvious. You had to wait for him to approach you.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because otherwise every single person in the hospital would be chasing him around!”

I shook my head. “Okay Lucy.”

I parked at the grocery store and we grabbed our bags from the back.

I set my purse and the bags in the child’s seat of the cart, then began to evaluate the produce.

I saw someone in my periphery and assumed it was Lucy. Looking over the fruit, I picked up a watermelon, on sale for four dollars.

“Would you split a watermelon with me? I don’t think I could eat it all,” I asked, turning to her.

But she wasn’t there. No, Lucy wasn’t beside me at all. Instead, a beautiful man stood a few feet from me, a carton of strawberries in hand. He was platinum blond, hair short and swept back. His skin crinkled around his eyes as he smiled at me, and I had to quickly re-adjust my grip on the watermelon before it fell from my jelly arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m not really one for watermelon.”

“Oh! S-sorry,” I stammered. I turned quick and dumped the fruit back into the bin. Jesus, it probably looked like I had really mean to ask him.

“Oh, Doctor Belizaire! Nice to see you again,”

I had two, almost simultaneous thoughts. One, thank God Lucy is here to save my awkward ass. And two: fuck, that’s the hot doctor.

“Hello again, Lucy. And please, call me Carlisle.”

Ooh, first name basis with Lucy. That had to be a good sign for her.

Lucy stopped her cart beside mine. “Nice to see you again, Carlisle.” She was beaming. She swept her arm towards me. “This is Deirdre. She’s the day receptionist at LTC, but I bet she’ll be poached for the main hospital soon. She’s also my roommate.”

Carlisle turned to me, and I was just glad I could rest a hand on my cart to steady myself. His eyes were a light, unusual brown, like a caramel.

“A pleasure to meet you, Deirdre,” Carlisle said, extending a hand.

“L-likewise,” I said. His hand was cold, firm, and gentle all at once, and his eyes seemed to penetrate my soul. His face was reserved, but friendly, but something about his eyes made me think he was…planning something? Wanted something from me? Wanted to understand something about me?

“Deirdre’s my DD for your party, so if you need a drive home after, let us know.” Lucy said with a grin.

Carlisle’s eyes flicked back to Lucy and his posture relaxed somewhat.

“Thank you for the offer,” he replied. “though I’m not much of a drinker, and my wife will be driving for the two of us.”

I could almost audibly hear Lucy’s hopes shatter.

“O-oh, your wife will be joining you? That’s excellent. I can’t wait to meet her,” Lucy said, although a hint of airiness began to mix into her voice.

Carlisle looked back to me. “Well, it was lovely running into you two. I suppose I’ll be seeing you Saturday.”

“Yes, for sure.” Lucy butted in.

He looked back to me, pressed his lips together into a small smile, gave me a little nod, and walked off with his basket.

Lucy looked over at me, then deflated like a balloon over her cart handle.

“Why are all the good ones taken?” she murmured. I shook my head and patted her shoulder.

“There, there,” I hummed. “C'mon. We’re wasting daylight. Now, will you go halves on this watermelon with me?”

Chapter Text

Sitting on my bed, the only sound I could hear was the shower. Sure, Lucy would be in there for a while, but once she was out and dried her hair and did her make-up, she’d expect that I would be ready.

I was not ready. Staring at my closet, there really should have been something I could wear. But the last fancy thing I’d been to was a friend’s confirmation when I was twelve, and that dress was long, long gone.

“If I can't find something to wear, then I'm not going.” I said to myself. There was no use being the Grinch in September. I sighed, pushed myself up from the bed, and walked over to my closet. A sundress would have to do. I could put a cardigan on top maybe, a pair of earrings and sandals and I wouldn’t look like such a kid. At least I wouldn't be wearing sneakers.

I heard the shower turn off, and I knew that I had limited time. I got changed and opted for a half-up half-down hair style. I resisted the urge to throw my hair into a bun. I already had a stress headache; no need to make it worse.

Lucy navigated, chattering the whole way about the different doctors and staff that would be at the Fitz’s house. Yes, he was known around the LTC as the Fitz. He’d been there forever, or so it seemed. His wife, Susan, had been a nurse there before retiring to raise their two sons. Their sons were married with kids, for context.

Mrs. Fitz greeted us at the door, letting us through the house to get to the back. As we stepped down onto the porch, Dr. Fitz waved to us from the group he was talking to, including Dr. Josephs and Carlisle. I recognized the latter by the platinum blonde hair. I looked back to Lucy for the game plan.

“Just get a soda and try to relax.” Lucy said. “I’m off to make my rounds.”

“Good luck.” I mumbled, chewing on a nail.

“Thanks. See ya later.”

The Fitz’ backyard was nice. They had some forest on their property, but the first hundred yards or so was just grass and a large stone patio, complete with a gated-off in-ground pool and hot tub.

I headed for the cooler, fished out a Pepsi, and tried to look not stressed as I wandered around the edge of conversations.

In my round I came across a woman sitting alone on a bench. She sat to one side, and when our gazes met, she smiled, and patted the seat beside her.

The ingrained urge to not be rude took over, and I sat down before fully processing the visual information of the situation. Once I was seated a foot away from the woman, my stomach dropped out of my body.

“I’m Esme. Belizaire. Doctor Belizaire’s wife.” She explained, but she really didn’t need to. She was as pale as he was, with wavy light-brown, shoulder-length hair. Her heart-shaped face held a gentle, pleasant smile, and her eyes were the same, delicious butterscotch as her husbands’.

“I’m Deirdre.” I said. “Woods,” I added quickly. “I’m a receptionist in the long-term care arm of the hospital.”

Esme beamed, then whispered like it was a secret: “Truthfully, I’m relieved to find someone closer to my age here.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, it does start to get a little… geriatric around here. There are younger staff, but mostly nurses and PSWs. My friend Lucy’s actually here as well,” I said, and began to look around in order to point her out.

“Is Lucy a receptionist as well?” Esme asked, and her question forced me to return to our conversation.

“Oh, no. She’s a nurse. We’re roommates, and she’s actually the one who told me about the receptionist job when it opened.”

“Did you grow up here?” Esme asked. Her questions were just slow enough to not be considered rapid-fire, and something about her made me equal parts scared and attracted her, just like her husband.

“I—no, I didn’t. Lucy did, though. We met when I was looking for an apartment a year ago.”

Esme leaned over and squeezed my knee. “You’re new in town like us, then!” She said with a grin. Her eyes were so captivating, and for a moment I forgot to answer. Or breathe. I nodded quickly, and she leaned back to her side of the bench. It was like the two of us were in a bubble from the rest of the party crowd.

“I’ve been finding it hard to meet people since we moved,” Esme said. “What do younger people do around here for fun?”

I pursed my lips and thought. “Um, well, there’s Billy’s Tavern on second street. A lot of people hang out there one weekends and play pool. Lucy goes when they have tournaments.” I wracked my brains. “Um, there’s some hiking trails. Lots of people go camping and hunting on the weekends, but they drive out of town for that.”

“What do you do for fun?” Esme asked. I had a weird feeling that this is what she had wanted to know all along.

“I just… read.” I finished lamely. “The local library isn’t amazing or anything, but they’re decent.”

“What do you like to read?”

“Oh, almost everything, I guess,” I answered. I felt… almost not myself. Like a slightly more talkative demon had possessed me to answer Esme’s questions. She was just so…warm. She felt safe. And it probably helped (or maybe didn’t???) that she was beautiful. “Except thrillers.”

Esme suddenly sat up a bit straighter. “What if we had a little book club together? I’m sure there are some books they have two copies of. I could make tea and cookies and we could talk about the books when we’re done.”

“I’d like that,” the demon possessing me responded.

I heard faint footsteps, then a smooth, masculine voice:

“There you are, Esme.”

I craned my neck to look up. My suspicions were correct when Carlisle strolled up to the pair of us.

“Carlisle, I don’t know if you’ve met-”

“Deirdre,” he finished. Dressed in jeans, boots, and a cream-and green plaid shirt rolled up to the elbows, he looked as handsome and dignified as a prince. He had a small smile on his lips, and when he gazed at Esme I could feel the love between them like a warm summer breeze.

“Deirdre and I have decided to start a little book club,” Esme said, taking my hand and squeezing it in hers. I had the unpleasant realization that her hands were almost as cold as the soda I was holding.

“Oh? That sounds fun,” Carlisle remarked, looking back to me. Looking at Esme, then at Carlisle, I was certain their eyes were the identical, unusual shade of light brown.

I realized as I observed his eyes, Carlisle was observing me. His expression closed, and he glanced quickly over to Esme, who was still holding my hand.

“Dinner!” Fitz hollered.

After dinner, try as I might, I couldn’t shake off the urge to follow Lucy around like a lost puppy. She bounced from group to group, her smooth, blonde ponytail swishing behind her. She was the kind of person who could talk to anyone and rarely got nervous.

Not one to let the night drag on, we helped Mrs. Fitz bring the nearly-empty food trays inside. Lucy gave her a hug and promised to come by again soon when I felt a delicate, cold hand on my wrist.

“Leaving?”

I turned to find Esme. Now that we were both standing, I could tell she was maybe an inch taller than me. In heels, that made her tower over me.

“Oh, yes. Lucy’s got a shift mid-morning,” I reasoned. Really, if it had been up to me, we would have been gone before nightfall.

“May I give you my phone number?” Esme asked. The formality of her request threw me for a loop, but I soon agreed and pulled out my phone. I opened a space for a new contact and gave her my phone.

“Is there any day of the week that works well for you?” she asked as she typed in her information.

“I finish work by five on weekdays, and I’ve got weekends off at the moment,” I answered. The bright light of the screen made her face glow.

“Would you be free tomorrow afternoon? We could go to the library and find our first round of books?”

“Sure,” I agreed. She beamed and handed me back my phone before pulling me into a quick hug.

“I’m so looking forward to it,” she said, her hand running from my shoulder down to my elbow. I tried not to shiver. “Please text me in the morning when you’ve picked a time.”

“I will,” I confirmed, just as Carlisle materialized beside her.

“Dee! Are you ready?”

My head whipped around to see Lucy at the front door to the Fitz’s house.

“Good night,” I said weakly, waving a little before rushing off.

In the coolness of the breeze in the front yard, I started to feel a bit more myself. And the dread began to creep in like a shadow.

“Mrs. Fitz gave me the recipe for that coconut cream pie,” Lucy bragged, waving around an index card.

“Congratulations,” I mumbled in reply, unlocking Myrtle so the two of us could get in.

Once in the car, I locked the doors and let out a breath. Lucy buckled up, humming a tune to herself, and we were off in the direction of our apartment.

It took a few minutes for Lucy to emerge from her giggly fog. She looked me up and down. “Belizaire’s wife was really chatting you up.” She stated.

I gave a little nod, holding tight to the steering wheel.

“At least she’s as beautiful as him. She seems nice, too. Is she nice?”

“I think so.”

Lucy nodded at this. I could feel here yes on me as I drove.

“Y’okay, Dee?”

“Mhm.”

“You seem down. Or anxious.”

“I’m fine. Just a lot of people for one day.”

Lucy accepted this answer easily. I pulled into our designated parking spot.

Lucy yawned, then took off her seatbelt.

“Thanks for coming with me, Dee.”

“You’re welcome,” I returned. We walked up the flight of stairs, then down the outside corridor to our front door. Lucy let me unlock it as she let out another yawn.

“Maybe Belizaire has some hot brothers or something. It’s worth keeping him around,” Lucy said, kicking off her shoes.

I locked the door, turned the deadbolt and pulled the chain across.

“His wife’s really pretty, too.” I added.

“Hm? Oh, yeah. Maybe she’s got brothers.”

A few seconds later, I heard Lucy drop herself onto her squeaky mattress, then sigh.

“Take off your makeup,” I called out to her. She groaned in return.

Pancake, Lucy’s obese cat, glanced at me from where he lay on the kitchen counter as I checked that the window was locked. I gave him a pat, checked that he had water, then I was off to check the other windows. Living room, bathroom, mine, and Lucy’s. She was scrubbing her face with a wipe, already in bed.

“Light off?” I asked.

“Yep. Thanks.”

Satisfied that the apartment was secure, I turned off the lights, then crawled into my own bed.

When I closed my eyes, all I saw were swirls of butterscotch.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: Dalliance

Esme pulled me through the shelves of books, seemingly finding every excuse to tug on my elbow or my hand.

“What about this one?” she said, retrieving two copies of a book.

“Sure,” I said, the same response I’d given to her last seven choices.

Esme huffed, but the smile never left her face. “Let’s take these ones for this week. I mean, do you think you can read this in a week?”

The book looked to be about three hundred, maybe three hundred and fifty pages.

“Yes.”

I was relieved that she was appeased, and we could finally return to the library entrance to check out the books.

It was early evening when we left the library. We started walking towards the cars, but then Esme sat down abruptly on a bench. She smiled, and patted the seat beside her with a smile.

“Is this what you do to get people to talk to you?” I asked, momentarily less shy than usual.

“Only you, it seems,” she answered. I could feel my face heating up, so I flipped my book over to read the back.

Oh God. It’s a romance novel.

“I know it’s Monday night, but maybe we could have book club on Friday?” Esme suggested.

“S-sure,” I agreed. At least we’d be done the book and we could move on.

Esme’s smile widened. “Excellent. In that case, I just need to know what kind of food you like.”

“Food?”

“For book club. I mean, I’ll probably make some snacks, but since it’ll be around dinner time, we should probably have a real meal too.”

“Oh,” Right. She’d brought this up yesterday, except the whole meal thing. “I’m not picky. Is there anything I can bring?”

“I can handle it,” Esme assured me, placing a hand on my knee. “It’ll give me something to do. So, what do you like to eat?”

Under her gaze, I forgot everything I’d ever eaten in my life. I wondered later if she’d seen the panic in my eyes, because a moment later she admitted that she was pretty good at making pasta.

“Pasta sounds great!” I said quickly. “Maybe I could bring salad, or garlic bread?”

“Garlic bread would be swell,” Esme said. Who on earth says swell? Oh well. It kind of fit her.

“Okay, awesome,” I said, relieved. It was starting to cool off, and Esme only wore a short sleeve blouse with her jeans. I was wearing a maxi skirt and a blouse, and I was starting to shiver.

“Shall we head home, then?” I asked, not wanting to just stand up and walk away from my new, beautiful friend.

“Carlisle’s picking me up,” Esme explained. “He had some errands to run, and he’s not back yet.”

“Oh,” I said lamely. “Well, I’ll wait with you, then.”

“You don’t have to,” Esme assured me.

“Well, I’m going to,” I insisted. She shifted to face me a bit more on the bench. In the dim dusk light, her yellow eyes seemed to glow.

“How was work today?” she asked.

“Oh, it was fine. Busy, like always. We were a little short staffed in the afternoon, but it was okay.”

Esme hummed. “That must be challenging, when you’re short staffed.”

“It’s harder on the nurses, and the PSWs, and the patients, really.” I said. “There’s only one receptionist, so my job doesn’t get multiplied or anything.”

Esme frowned. “You just said it’s harder on everyone except you.”

“I, well, yeah, it’s not so bad for me…”

Esme tilted her head and pursed her lips. “It’s okay for it to be hard for you, even when others are also having a hard time.”

For some reason, her insistence made my face turn red. “I… well… it’s just a bit chaotic on short-staff days.” I admitted. She seemed much more satisfied with this answer.

“You must be absolutely exhausted after such a day,” Esme said. One hand moved to pet my hair, and I froze.

Before our conversation could continue, headlights shone into the parking lot.

“Ah, that’s Carlisle,” Esme said, smiling at the car before standing. I followed suit, relieved her gaze was on someone else.

Esme slipped into the passenger side. The window rolled down, and I bent myself over to give a wave to Carlisle.

“Did you girls find a book?” He asked.

“Yes,” Esme said. “It’s the one Rosalie has been talking about.” She said, showing him the cover of the book. His smile grew, and his eyes flashed quickly to mine.

“Looks like fun,” he said.

“You’ll have to join us for the next round of book club,” Esme told him, before turning to me. “Carlisle’s a big bookworm, although he typically chooses medical journals and classic literature.”

I smiled and nodded politely, clutching the scandalous romance book to my chest.

“Can we drive you home, Deirdre?” Carlisle asked. Ugh. His voice was delicious. I wanted it as a ringtone.

“N-no thanks,” I said, shaking the impure thoughts out of my head. “I’ve got Myr- I mean, my car.”

God, could I turn any redder?

“Alright. We’ll wait for you to get to your car. It’s pretty dark,” Carlisle said.

“Thanks for coming with me this evening,” Esme said, setting the book on her lap in order to buckle herself in.

“No problem,” I murmured. “Should be fun.” I said quietly. “Good night,”

“Good night,” Carlisle and Esme echoed. I gave a pathetic little wave and quickly waddled over to my car, getting in and locking the door before coaxing Myrtle to life. Carlisle waved for me to go ahead, and I spent the drive home checking for the black Mercedes in my rear-view mirror.

Lucy flipped through my book, reading lines to me and cackling.

“His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel... or something."

"Look at me," he breathes, and I stare up into his smouldering grey gaze. It is his Dom gaze - cold, hard and sexy as hell, seven shades of sin in one enticing look."

"The orange juice tastes divine. It's thirst-quenching and refreshing."

“Stop,” I laugh. Lucy shakes her head at me, sitting cross-legged on the kitchen counter while I scoop out Pancake’s special diet cat food.

“I just can’t believe you picked this to read with Belizaire’s wife!”

“Her name is Esme,” I reminded her. “And she picked it, not me.”

“Well, you agreed!”

“I didn’t check the book first!” I groaned. Lucy threw her head back and laughed.

“I wonder if they’re warming you up for a three-way,” Lucy said, waggling her brows.

“Lucy!” I shrieked.

She laughed, taking a moment to desperately try to breathe. She wiped away tears, and finally informed me that the book choice was “suspicious.”

“Maybe she doesn’t know how dirty it is,” I said. “She was telling Carlisle that someone recommended it to her.”

“Ooh, Carlisle.”

“Oh, hush up. He told you to call him that too, remember?”

Lucy shrugged, petting Pancake as he snarffled down his food. “Would you do it?”

“Would I do what?” I said, pulling the watermelon out of the fridge.

“Have a threesome with them.” Lucy said, taking a slice from the plate I set between us.

“I’m not going to dignify that with an answer,” I said, taking a slice for myself. Lucy giggled.

“I would. Not that I’m into girls. Emma—”

“Esme.”

“Esme is pretty cute, though. And Carlisle would be worth it enough.”

I waved my hand. “Okay, we need to stop talking about this. I have to go to their house on Friday, you know.”

“Oh I know,” Lucy said. She handed me the library book. “Better get reading, DeeDee.”

Chapter Text

The book spent the week in my work bag. On lunches and breaks, I sat outside in the shade, eating my sandwich and trying not to pass out from embarrassment as I speed-read.

How the hell was I going to talk about this book with Esme? What kind of book-club questions could we even discuss? The characters were paper thin, the dialogue was garbage, and the only thing worth noting was the detailed and irregular sex positions.

Were they irregular, though? I didn’t know. I should’ve run more of it by Lucy when I had the chance.

Myrtle hummed as I sat in the Belizaire’s driveway. The house was like a fairy-tale cottage, with a beautiful garden even though plants were beginning to lose their lustre. It was also surrounded with gorgeous, Pacific northwest trees, the kind that belonged on travel brochures.

I turned off Myrtle and immediately regretted it. There would be no quick getaway now.

I felt overdressed and underdressed all at the same time. I’d showered when I got home, even blow drying my hair. That was a mistake, and I twisted my puffy locks into a bun at the base of my neck, securing with a pin before rummaging through my closet. I had on a dress I sometimes wore to work—navy, collared, slim fitting in the bodice with a flowy skirt to my knees. It looked a bit 50s housewife-ish, and I overcompensated with my ginormous jean jacket and sandals.

I took a breath to steady myself, grabbed the garlic bread (still warm, and wrapped in foil), and made my way to the door. I held it in front of me like I was bringing a sacrifice to the altar. In reality, I didn’t want to get a buttery stain on my dress.

“Deirdre!”

Esme opened the door as I made it up the last few steps. My nerves subsided for a moment. It was impossible to feel nervous under the warm, caring gaze of Esme. She had a kitchen towel over one shoulder, and she wore dark skinny jeans and a lavender silk blouse. She looked way more casual and beautiful, and as she took the food from me and led me to the kitchen, I started to feel again that I’d made a terrible mistake.

The house was as cozy and beautiful on the inside. Cream walls and honey-brown floors covered the public areas of the first floor. The furniture seemed elegant, yet comfortable, mostly in earth tones. The only thing that seemed out of place was a thick wooden cross hanging in the hallway.

I followed Esme to the kitchen. There was a small charcuterie board on the kitchen table, and the pots and pans on the stove gurgled softly.

“The pasta’s almost ready,” Esme said, setting my foil-wrapped loaf on the counter. “Can I get you something to drink? Wine?”

“I don’t drink,” I admitted. Esme didn’t stick on it, luckily.

“I don’t really, either. But Carlisle always comes home with wine at Christmas, and neither of us know what to do with it all.”

“Lucy will trade you for chocolates,” I said with a grin. “That’s how I get rid of mine.”

Esme laughed. “Good to know.” She took down a glass from the cupboard. “I’ve got lemonade, root beer, water…”

“Water would be great,” I said.

“Ice?”

“No thanks,” I said. I tiptoed over to the stove, giving the marinara a stir while she poured me a glass.

For a few minutes, we just quietly worked around each other until we had the table set with pasta in sauce, salad, drinks, and garlic bread.

“So, what did you think of the book?” Esme asked. She smiled a little too widely, giving away her feelings about what we read.

“I… it was very different to anything I’ve read before,” I replied neutrally. “What did you think?”

I busied myself with taking food, in the hopes that Esme would carry the conversation if I had my mouth full.

“I thought the premise was a bit clichéd, although having a rich man infatuated with you, willing to take care of your every financial, romantic, and sexual need is something I’m sure many find alluring.” Esme said, slowly pulling apart the garlic bread before delicately inserting a piece of the crust into her mouth.

“Yeah, I can see the appeal to that part.” I said, hoping my cheeks weren’t as red as they felt. “I think most people want to feel taken care of.”

Esme’s eyes met mine, and I got déjà vu of her glowing eyes from the library parking lot.

“I’d agree,” Esme murmured.

Her gaze made me feel tingly, like my whole body had fallen asleep and was now on pins and needles. I said the first thing that came to mind, hoping I wasn’t coming across weird. “Carlisle seems like he’d be good that way.”

Oops. Frick.

Luckily, Esme grinned. “He is. I’m very lucky to have him.”

First: relief. She loves her husband. Then, a pang of jealousy: she loves him, he loves her, they’re a beautiful couple and no one loves me like that.

I swallowed the little green monster with a sip of water. “Lucy was a big fan of the dialogue. She read a few excerpts.”

Esme laughed. “The dialogue is… a bit odd, if I’m being honest.”

She was being so polite, even about the dumpster-fire dialogue. “It… left something to be desired. I cringed at all the sex scenes.”

“Bedroom talk always sounds a bit ridiculous outside of the bedroom,” Esme said. “But even with that in mind, the dialogue is aberrant.”

“People really talk like that in the bedroom?” I exclaimed, unable to help myself.

“It’s not that bad. Or at least, Carlisle’s not that bad.” Esme said. Oh, great, so now I had to live with the knowledge that Carlisle’s a smooth talker in bed. She twirled her fork in her spaghetti before looking up at me through eyelashes.

“Have you ever been to bed with someone?” She asked, before filling her mouth with spaghetti. Hey! That’s my trick!

I blushed. “Um, no.” I said. She was still chewing, so I felt obligated to continue. “I… my parents joined a cult when I was in high school. I never followed any of it, but some of the people there were kinda creepy and it put me off trying to date anyone.”

Esme swallowed the large mouthful of pasta, her hand shooting across the table to gently lay over mine.

“Oh Deirdre, I’m so sorry. Experiences when you’re younger… it can make it hard to be intimate. It’s so hard to put yourself in a position to be vulnerable when you’ve been hurt before.”

Uh oh. My eyes stung, and my teeth hurt like they do when I’m about to cry. To my dismay, Esme noticed and squeezed my hand.

“I’m so sorry, Deirdre. I never dreamed the book could bring something like this up.”

“It’s okay,” I lied, shakily. “The book didn’t actually bother me. It’s just something I know nothing about.”

Esme’s thumb rubbed over the back of my hand. “Well, if any book we read bothers you, I hope you don’t feel pressure to finish it.”

“For sure,” I said. “Same for you, too.”

Esme nodded, and gave my hand another squeeze. She sat back in her chair. “Well, I think we’ve covered pretty much everything from the book. How was your week?”

I was glad for the topic change, as abrupt as it was. “It was fine. We had some residents pass away and some new residents come in, so there was a lot of paperwork. The cabinet’s a mess, so I’ve been chipping away at re-organizing it.”

Esme watched me like I was the most fascinating thing she’d ever seen. I felt my cheeks heating up. “So, um, how was your week?”

“Oh, a bit boring,” Esme replied. She glanced over my shoulder, then back to me. “Other than reading the book, I’ve been working on some renovations in the basement, and prepping a dresser to be re-painted.”

“That sounds pretty busy,” I said. “It’s cool that you’re handy. I’m useless without YouTube.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Esme replied. “Everyone’s got to learn somehow.”

I heard a faint jingle, and then the low metallic sound of a door being unlocked. Esme smiled a little wider.

“Carlisle must’ve gotten off early.”

From the kitchen, I could hear Carlisle sigh and shrug off his coat. His steps were quiet, but he smiled as he entered the kitchen to find Esme and I both turned to wait for him.

“Hello,” I said, holding on to the arm rest of the chair.

“Deirdre, lovely to see you again,” Carlisle said. He moved around the table and kissed Esme’s cheek.

“You got off early,” Esme stated, holding onto his tie while she brushed a few loose strands out of his face.

“Scheduling mishap. Dr. Josephs forgot that Dr. Sinclair was returning today, and this is his usual shift.”

Carlisle’s glance shifted from Esme’s to mine. He was so beautiful and kind looking, he reminded me of what I’d pictured angels to look like as a child. Okay, maybe he’s a little hotter. But he has the kind aura I’d always imagined.

“I don’t want to interrupt you two,” Carlisle said. Esme glanced quickly at me.

“We’ve already talked about the book,” I said. “I’m fine if you want to join us.” I said, trailing off and trying to gauge what Esme wanted. Apparently, I picked right because Esme nodded enthusiastically.

“I’ll be right back, then,” Carlisle said, before disappearing down a hall.

“I hope you don’t mind if Carlisle joins us,” Esme said once he’d left.

“Not at all!” I replied. “You had said before maybe he’d read the next book with us. So it’s good to have him here if we’re going to pick another book.”

Esme stood and grabbed a plate, cup, and utensils for Carlisle, setting them out before settling back in her chair.

“He may be a few minutes,” Esme said, noticing I’d stopped eating. “He usually showers when he gets back from the hospital.”

Carlisle did appear a few minutes later, in jeans and a deep green turtleneck. The smell of men’s body wash wafted off of him as he sat down.

“I hope you two weren’t waiting for me,” Carlisle said, smiling as he took his seat. Despite looking so young, he had crow’s feet around his eyes when he smiled.

“Only a little bit,” Esme said, passing him the pan with pasta.

“So, Deirdre,”

I sat up a little as he referred to me.

“What did you think of the book?”

I could feel even my ears heating up. “It sure was something.” I said levelly. Esme sent me a pitied look, and Carlisle raised an eyebrow at her.

“Oh God,” I mumbled, covering my face. It felt hot against my sweaty hands. Now I had to tell perfect, sweet-talking Carlisle that I was a virgin because my cult-y parents scared me off of meeting new people.

“We don’t have to talk about the book,” Carlisle said slowly. When I peeled my hands off my face, he and Esme were exchanging a glance and mouthing something at each other. They stopped when they saw me.

“It’s fine,” I said, feeling like I might die from being embarrassed. “I’ve already told Esme a bit…When I was in high school, my parents joined a cult and the cult leader decided that my parents weren’t good for each other and made them date a ton of other people, some of which showed interest in dating me when I was old enough, so it kind of put me off of dating or meeting new people.”

Esme looked horrified with the extra information.

I tried to wrap it up. “So the sex stuff was kind of shocking for me.” I said with a nervous laugh.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Carlisle said.

“It’s fine,” I said. Maybe if I said that enough they’d believe me. “Really, I promise. I just don’t know anything about sex and the dialogue makes it sound horrendously awkward.”

This, at least, made Carlisle chuckle. “Esme showed me some of the ‘interesting’ parts. I’d agree with you there. I don’t think anyone talks like that.”

“Yes, Esme informed me you’re a smooth talker in bed.”

“Deirdre!” Esme exclaimed with a laugh. Carlisle grinned at the compliment, looking to his wife with his warm, golden eyes.

We finished up dinner with Esme explaining her plans for the garden around the house come spring. I offered to help.

“You like to garden?” she asked excitedly.

“I don’t know much about gardening,” I admitted. “But I’m good at following orders.”

“Perfect,” Carlisle interjected, smiling widely. “Because Esme’s great at giving orders,”

Esme wrinkled her nose at him, smacking his arm lightly as she grinned. “Oh, hush.” She said, before turning to me. “I would love some help.”

We put some dishes in the dishwasher. Esme packed me a container of leftover pasta to take home, and Carlisle washed the pots and pans while I dried and Esme put away.

We decided on a book one of their cousins (or was it family friend? His name was Jasper, a bit unique) had bought and sent for Carlisle to read. Esme had taken the companion book out of the library, so I was lent the fresh copy.

“I’ll be sure to dog-ear every page,” I joked as I walked out to the car. Esme shook her head at me and Carlisle grinned from the porch. They both waited as I started Myrtle, then waved as I left.

As the giddiness began to fade, I was left with the disappointment that I wouldn’t be seeing Esme (and sweet-talking Carlisle) for a week.

The first thing I did when I got home was take out an old notebook, rip out the old notes, and write down the title of the book. I was going to be prepared, and interesting, and worthy of the Belizaire's attention.

Chapter Text

I thought I was going to have my lunches during the week to work on reading. It was non-fiction, a collection of unbelievable stories from World War II.

I was wrong.

Esme caught me cloud bathing at some abandoned picnic tables around the corner from the long-term care wing. It was one of the first cool days of September, and the shivers I got from the gentle breeze were delicious.

“Mind if I join you?”

A cool hand moved down my shoulder to my elbow, and I jerked awake from my semi-conscious haze.

Esme’s concerned face peered down at me. She wore a pale pink blouse, light wash jeans, and running shoes. Her caramel locks were pulled into a high ponytail that dipped over her shoulder as she looked down at me.

“Oh, it’s you,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief. I reflexively moved my hand to place it on her arm, showing her it wasn’t her touch I had feared. She covered my hand with her free hand and gave me a small smile.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you, dear.”

“It’s okay,” I said. “I shouldn’t be sleeping out here anyway.”

Esme pursed her lips. “I would tend to agree with that.” She took a seat beside me and pulled open her library copy of the book, removing the bookmark from a spot close to the end.

“You can go back to sleep, if you’d like. I can wake you at the right time. When do you have to be back?”

This is where I overshared. “Sixteen minutes. My lunch is 1-2PM.”

“That’s enough time for a quick nap,” Esme insisted, finally releasing my hand in order to smooth back my hair. “I’ll wake you in thirteen minutes. Put down your head.”

I rested my head on my arms. I was super tired. One of our new residents was prone to bouts of anger, and had spent the morning trying to get out the front door and shouting at me.

As much as I wanted to stare at Esme’s beautiful face, I found my eyelids fluttering shut on their own. It was a moment later I felt her fingers move up my arm to my shoulders to my neck. I stilled, curious what she would do next and nervous I would do something to make her stop. Her index, middle, and ring fingers pushed down on the muscles that connected my shoulders to my neck, and I let out an involuntary groan. At least my face was in my arms, hiding my embarrassment.

“You are so tense, sweetheart.” Esme murmured. I hummed in agreement, not sure what to say as she continued her ministrations.

To my delight, Esme rubbed my shoulders and my neck for the entire thirteen minutes. When the time was up, she patted my shoulder gently, informing me of the time sadly.

I peeled my face off my arms, rolled my shoulders, and shivered.

“Thanks. That feels a lot better.”

“I’m sure it does. Your muscles are more twisted than a Dutch braid.” She raised her eyebrows at me slightly. “I worry about the state of your back, working at your desk all day.”

“It’s fine,” I lie. She doesn’t look convinced, but stood with me as I packed my things away. She walked me back to the entrance of the long-term wing, and I asked why she was at the hospital.

“I had to drop off Carlisle’s lunch.” Esme said. “He forgot it this morning. Besides… it’s always important for me to come meet the staff where he works. Otherwise I worry about the attention he’ll get,” Esme said with a smile. “He’s already been invited on two dates.”

“Oh boy,” I said. “I mean, I don’t think Carlisle would ever be tempted by anyone else. Not with the way he looks at you.” I said.

Esme gave a nod. “I don’t worry he’ll cheat. He just gets uncomfortable with the advances sometimes. Besides, he is very picky about his partners and never pursues anyone without my approval. Anyway, I’m holding you up. I don’t want you to get in trouble for being late,” Esme said, giving me a tiny push to the door.

“Oh, yeah. Nice to see you,” I said, swiping my badge before giving her a little wave.

I stumbled back to my desk, spending the remainder of my day processing her last statements.

He is very picky about his partners.

Never pursues anyone without my approval.

Holy smokes. Holy moly.

I decided I could not tell Lucy. At least, not the last bit of the conversation.

“All the good guys are taken,” she grumbled, eating ice cream on the couch as Pancake curled up on her tummy. “Poor Carlisle,” she said sarcastically, “having to fight off droves of women. Must be terrible.”

I did know that the word would spread he was happily taken, and for some reason that made me feel calmer.

Esme showed up at my secret rickety picnic table on Tuesday at 1:02PM, carrying with her a cardboard drink holder with two iced coffees and a coffee. She grinned when she saw me, setting down the drinks on the table before giving me a peck on the cheek like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Deirdre! I don’t know if I can wait for Friday,” she said, taking both my hands in hers. “Won’t you come over tomorrow night? I know you are almost finished the book. Carlisle will be off at five.”

“I…”

Someone was coming around the corner. For a horrifying millisecond, I thought it might be one of my father’s friends. Then I recognized the blond hair and the handsome, angelic face. Carlisle’s eyes crinkled as he smiled at me, waving as he carried a paper lunch bag in his free hand. I couldn’t help the sigh of relief once I recognized him.

“Deirdre,” he said. How could his voice be so calm and gentle and soothing and hot at the same time? That should be illegal.

“Hi Carlisle,” I murmured. He took the seat across from Esme and I. Esme pulled the coffee out of the drink holder and set it in front of Carlisle before handing one to me. She sat so close to me, her jean-clad hip was connected to mine.

“Oh, thanks!” I said. I needed the caffeine. “I kinda got sucked into the book last night and went to bed a bit late,” I admitted.

“Did you finish it, then?” Esme asked excitedly. I nodded, and her smile widened.

“Amazing! We can have book club tomorrow then, right Carlisle?”

Carlisle smiled from behind his coffee. “As long as Deirdre is free.”

“I’m free,” I confirmed.

“Perfect, and what would you like to eat?”

“Oh, I can bring something this time.”

Esme frowned. “Nonsense. We’ll say this is Carlisle’s turn.”

“Then next time is my turn,” I insisted. Just because Carlisle was on a doctor’s salary didn’t mean I wanted him to foot the bill for everything.

“As you wish, Deirdre.” Carlisle confirmed. Something about his choice of words made me feel flustered, and I took the opportunity to drink from my ice coffee. It was sweet and milky, just the way I liked it.

Esme asked Carlisle how his morning had gone, and he filled us in on what he had been doing, leaving out details as appropriate. He in turn asked about the long-term care wing, and I shared how I had spent the morning scanning and archiving old files in between dodging hits from our new resident with dementia.

I realized a moment to late that perhaps this wasn’t supposed to be a normal occurrence. Carlisle looked horrified, and I could feel Esme stiffen beside me.

“I’m s-sure it’ll get better.” I stammered. “We’re super short staffed today.”

“You should not have to man the desk when someone is swinging a cane at you with the intention to injure you,” Carlisle said firmly. “I’m sure we can send some of our nurses over. We aren’t having a very busy day.”

“I don’t think Fitz would go for that,” I said, nervously wringing my hands together. Lucy liked to call it pulling a Lady MacBeth, because I looked like I was desperately washing my hands.

“Dr. Fitzpatrick had a chance this morning to advocate for LTC. If he won’t take steps to ensure the safety of his staff, then I will.” Carlisle said.

“Please don’t,” I choked out. Oh god. Fitz was going to get in trouble for this, and Lucy would be stuck at the LTC forever, and it would be my fault. What if Fitz found out? What if he found an excuse to fire me? Could I get another job here? Would Lucy still be my friend, or would she hate me?

I didn’t realize I had started hyperventilating until Carlisle had moved around the table.

“Deep breaths, Deirdre. Breathe with me. Breathe in… breathe out. Slower, darling.”

I didn’t see any reason to calm down. The thoughts played over and over, and I wondered if I ended up in a sketchy motel if my family’s cult friends would find me again.

“Deirdre, listen to me.” Carlisle’s voice was sharper now. His hands, as cold as Esme’s, pushed and pulled against my shoulders and my back to force me to sit up straight.

“Breathe in slowly. That’s better. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”

I slowed down a bit for a few breaths, then my chest shook and I was desperately trying to suck in air.

“It’s okay. I know, sweet one. I’m sorry I was so harsh. We will sort it out,” he promised, continuing to hold me up to force me to breathe better. Esme brushed my hair away from my face that stuck to my teary eyes and the corners of my mouth.

“That’s it. That’s much better. Good girl. Nice and slow like that. Well done, darling.”

He let go of my shoulders, and Esme wrapped an arm around me as I sniffed and hid my face in my hands.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Esme murmured. “We’ve got you. You’re safe.”

Esme hugged me to her while Carlisle rubbed gentle circles between my shoulder blades.

“I really need this job,” I hiccupped into Esme’s shoulder.

“You won’t get in trouble,” Carlisle murmured. I didn’t even realize he could hear me. “I will make sure of it.”

I turned in Esme’s embrace to look at Carlisle.

“I don’t want Fitz to take it out on Lucy,” I whimpered. My mother’s words echoed in my head. Pathetic. This is why you need a man to take control of you. You’re just a stupid, emotional little girl.

“He won’t be able to. I promise,” Carlisle said, his voice firm and sure. He exchanged a look with Esme before meeting my eyes again.

“I’m glad you told us what was happening, Deirdre. I don’t want you to be afraid to tell us when something’s wrong. We’ll always do what’s best for you.”

“We will,” Esme murmured. One of her hands rested on my tummy, and I felt a warmness shoot down between my legs.

Oh god.

Carlisle wiped my tears away, then stood.

“I’m going to clear this up, and then I’ll be back for us to finish lunch.” He said, his voice quiet. Esme hugged me a little closer in her chilly arms as we watched Carlisle make his way around the building and disappear.

Esme’s fingers combed through my hair. After a few minutes, she sighed.

“A watched pot never boils. Let’s eat our lunch; Carlisle will return shortly.”

As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I was disappointed when Esme’s arms retracted from me. I sat up, sniffed, and turned back to eat my lunch.

We ate quietly for a few minutes, until footfalls made me look over my shoulder. Carlisle strolled over with his hands in his pockets, a small, satisfied smile playing on his face. He sat down beside me, and I ducked my head automatically, my stomach competing in gymnastics trials for the Olympics.

“Dr. Fitzpatrick has decided to call in a few nurses for the afternoon and evening, and has put in a request for increased staffing to help with patient supervision. He’s also decided he needs to hire a few more receptionists, to have enough in case one needs to take a sick day or personal day.”

My neck cracked as my head whipped around to look at him. “No way,” I blurted.

“Honest,” Carlisle promised, his eyes bright and amused by my reaction.

“How…?” I trailed off.

“I made it feel like his idea,” Carlisle murmured. His head tilted slightly. “Are you feeling better now, Deirdre?”

I nodded my head and felt Esme’s delicate hand pat my shoulder.

“Thank you, Carlisle.”

“You’re very welcome, my dear.”

I told Lucy about this interaction in minute detail on the way home.

“Oh my god, Dee. They want you. I bet they’re poly.”

“Poly?”

“Like, people who are in relationships with multiple people.”

he is very picky about his partners and never pursues anyone without my approval

“Like polygamy?”

“Mm, no. That’s like the Mormons, right? More like polyamory, I bet. Everyone can have different partners, multiple partners, sometimes people share a partner.”

The idea of Esme and Carlisle sharing me made me feel hot and bothered.

When we got home, I left Lucy in the kitchen so I could go take a shower. I felt crusty from crying, and the warm water felt nice on my back. Unfortunately, I began to think of Esme’s hands on my back.

You’re so tense, sweetheart.

I shivered even under the hot water, then quickly flicked the tap to cold.

I sucked in air through my teeth, banishing my thoughts and forcing myself not to think of my new friends that way. My stomach turned. As much as I didn't believe in the theology of the cult, the teachings were drilled into me. Carlisle was married. Esme was married. They were both married, and it was wrong, dirty, and shameful to list after them. If they found out, they'd be completely repulsed by me, poly or not. A minute or two later, I turned off the shower and wrapped myself in the slightly-threadbare towel before rushing to my room for some sweatpants and a t-shirt.

My phone buzzed—it was Esme, asking me what I wanted for dinner tomorrow. Butterflies fluttered in my tummy as I pictured sitting with them at their kitchen table, eating dinner and chatting. I didn't even like to chat, but something about Esme made me talkative.

I felt my stomach begin to knot. This was wrong. Feeling this was was wrong, even if there was a miniscule chance they would consider a partner outside of their marriage, there was no way they would consider me. Poor Esme was just trying to make a friend in a new place. I was wasting her time letting her think I wanted to just be friends. And Carlisle, tired after being oogled at all day. If he knew the way I felt... I knew what I had to do, even though it hurt.

With a big sigh and jittery hands, I texted Esme that I couldn’t make it, and it would be best if we didn’t hang out any more. I turned my phone on silent, plugged it in, and crawled into bed.

Lucy brought me my hairbrush and my curl cream, setting them down on the night table beside my bed.

“I gotta hop in the shower. Leo just texted me that he’s got an open spot on his trivia team, so I’m gonna run to the pub.”

“Just don’t forget you have work in the morning,” I teased, rolling over in bed. I shivered for a little, my hair dampening the pillow.

“Light off?”

“Mhm. Lock the door on your way out, okay?”

“I will,” Lucy promised, closing my door and leaving me to fester over my choices in the dark. There were only two ways a friendship with Esme and Carlisle could turn out. The first would be that I pine over them, my feelings unrequited, until I erupted like a sad volcano and admitted my indecent thoughts.

The second way would be that my feelings were returned, but I would be to disappointing to them. I was a plain, nervous virgin who compulsively locked windows and doors in case her psycho cult family hunted her down and tried to take her back with them. They’d failed twice: third time’s the charm, right?

I could hear Lucy turn off the shower, then blow dry her hair. She scurried all over her room until there was a soft knock at our door. Then, more scurrying before she stuck her head in.

“Deedee?”

“Mhm?”

“I’m gonna head out to the bar. I’ll lock the door on my way out, but you’ll have to lock it again when your friends leave.”

I sat up, eyes wide. Friends?

But Lucy was already gone. I pulled back the covers as I heard her clip-clop away. I threw on a sweater and hustled down the hall.

“Lucy—”

I was cut off by the sound of the deadbolt turning in the lock. I was also left standing in the living room, with a beautiful, frowning couple.

“Deirdre,” Esme began, standing up from Lucy's side-of-the-road dumpster-dive brown couch. Carlisle didn't move, just met my gaze with a look of dour confusion.

I backed up down the hall, then bolted into my room.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6: Supine

I locked the door a moment before the doorknob rattled.

“Deirdre, sweetheart, let’s talk about this,” Esme begged from the other side of the door. In the dark, I padded over to my bed and put my pillow over my ears. My heartbeat was so loud it almost canceled out the noise.

Almost.

Carlisle’s sweet voice said something, and then I could hear him call my name, once, twice, a half-dozen times. I expected his voice to get louder, or for him to bang on the door. Neither came.

A gentle click made my stomach turn, and a sliver of yellow light pierced the darkness.

“G-go away. Please,” I begged. I clenched my jaw so my teeth wouldn’t chatter.

“Not until we’ve talked,” Carlisle said firmly, the end of discussion unsaid but heard.

I shivered under the blankets as Esme glided to the bed. She sat down on the floor, crossing her arms and resting her head on them so we were eye to eye.

Carlisle settled beside her, one hand on her back.

“Is this about staffing with Dr. Fitz?” Esme asked quietly. I hugged my pillow tighter, shaking my head.

“Did we do something wrong?” Carlisle asked. I shook my head again, my teeth starting to chatter before I could stop them.

Esme’s cold hand reached out and touched mine. I winced from the feeling of her cold, smooth fingers running over mine.

“Oh sweetheart, you’re freezing,” she said, sitting up on her knees. Her frigid hand touched my cheek, my ear, my neck. I resisted the urge to tell her the same. When someone’s got the (chilly) upper hand, it’s better not to sass them. At least, it felt like they had the upper hand. There were two of them, and they were in my apartment. I didn't know how to ask them to leave.

Carlisle rose, disappearing.

“I’ll be okay,” I said, moving my hands to my jaw. “I’ll warm up soon,” I mumbled.

I shivered so hard my back spasmed, and I squeaked. Esme tutted and moved to my closet, pulling out socks that I kept for winter months as well as an old quilt.

“You’ll catch a cold,” she murmured to herself, laying the blanket overtop of the others before snatching one of my ankles and pulling it away from the protection of the covers. She pulled on the thick sock, pulling it over my sweatpants to keep the warmth in. She did the same with the other, and then pulled me up to a sitting position by my hands.

To my horror, Carlisle slid down to sit behind me, wrapping a towel around my shoulders before he picked up the brush from my night-side table.

“Is it something we said?” Esme asked as Carlisle began to brush my damp hair. I shivered from the feeling of the brush head on my scalp, and Esme pulled my blankets around me.

“No, it’s me,” I said glumly. God, this had to be the most painful way to do this.

“What do you mean?” Esme asked. I could feel tears burning in my eyes.

“Please don’t make me say it,” I whispered, covering my face in shame.

“Deirdre, whatever it is, I assure you, it won’t bother me or Carlisle.”

Esme’s fingers rubbed over mine, then gently pried my hands away from my face.

“Tell us, Deirdre. Please.” She said, her amber eyes glowing in the sliver of yellow light from the hall.

I bit my lip. “You’ll be upset with me,” I whispered.

“My, my, Esme,” Carlisle murmured from behind me. “It appears we have a psychic on our hands.”

I had to purse my lips to stop from laughing, despite my miserable mood.

Esme’s eyes glittered with happiness at the tiny snort I couldn’t help but make. “I promise we’ll take it in stride, sweet one.”

My throat burned, and hot tears slipped down my face and dripped off my chin.

“I… I…”

Esme gave me a little nod as Carlisle set the hairbrush aside.

“I kind of… I… I have a crush on you. And Carlisle.” I whispered, feeling my face heat up despite being chilled to the bone.

Esme sighed, and I didn’t understand her expression until she pulled me into a tight hug. Oh. Relief.

“Oh thank goodness,” she breathed. “We love you too, Deirdre. This is no problem at all.”

Love? Wasn't it a bit fast for that? I didn't say love, did I? I'd said crush, or so I had thought. My ears rang, and somehow I ended up on Carlisle’s lap, with his arm around the pair of us.

I felt Carlisle press a chaste kiss to the top of my head, and then I heard the soft peck as his lips briefly met Esme’s.

We love you too. The words ping ponged around in my brain.

“I don’t understand,” I mumbled into Esme’s shoulder.

“You are sweet, and brave, kind, intelligent, and beautiful.” Carlisle murmured in reply. I could feel the soft rumble in his chest as he spoke. Esme’s cold lips found my neck and I gasped.

“Shall I go on, little one?” Carlisle asked.

“I don’t believe you,” I said airily, feeling a bit like I was going to pass out. Was I dreaming? Or delusional?

Esme tsked from behind me, a hand moving to the top of my thigh. Her fingers pressed down firmly and she rubbed the sore muscles.

“Are you saying Carlisle lying to you, sweetheart?”

Her hand slipped under the waistband. She ignored my squeak of protest in order to rub the tense muscles in my thigh. I couldn’t help but tense up, fearful and intrigued at the possibility of her hand moving between my legs.

“Es,” Carlisle chided with a chuckle.

“It’s not my fault she’s delicious,” Esme argued, her hand moving up to my stomach. Her hand was no longer cold, just cool, and the slight pressure made my toes curl. Her hand moved to my hip and I jolted.

“That tickles,” I said, wiggling in Carlisle’s arms. I caught Esme’s glance, and her eyes glinted with wicked mischief.

“Good. Now tell me, little duckling,” Esme said, zapping me in my side again as I shrieked, “Are you saying Carlisle is lying?”

Her hand moved quickly to the other side, and I let out a laugh and another shriek.

“No, no! I promise!” I begged. Esme sat back, satisfied with my answer, and pushed my damp, fluffy hair out of my face while I caught my breath.

“I think our girl is ticklish,” Carlisle murmured, a laugh tinting his words.

My shivers were miles away—my body felt like lava under the gazes and hands of the most wonderful, most beautiful people I’d ever met.

My head fell heavy against Carlisle’s shoulder. After a few minutes of breathing, just savouring his embrace and Esme’s feather-light touches, Esme pulled us so I was in the middle of them and we three laid together on my double bed. Esme pushed tightly against me, but Carlisle was saving a few inches for Jesus.

Tentatively, I reached out and draped an arm over Esme’s back. I felt her relax, and then her arm and leg moved over me, and she pulled me close, humming happily. Carlisle chuckled at her actions before combing through my hair with his fingers. I felt him sit up, and then he began to gently tug at my hair rhythmically. It took a minute for me to realize he was braiding my hair, a side French braid to encapsulate all of my loose curls.

He took his time, and when he finished he laid back down behind me. He wasn’t pressed up against me like Esme, but he did move an arm around Esme and I. His cold breath tickled my neck.

After an emotional evening, I fell asleep to Carlisle’s measured breaths and Esme’s murmurs of sweet nothing.

I woke up bundled in blankets. Daylight peeked though my window and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

Looking around, there were no indications that I’d spent a restful night in the arms of my new friends… or were they my boyfriend and girlfriend? Lovers? Or was I their third wheel?

Or, perhaps even worse, it was all a dream.

I pulled back the covers, now desperate to find some hint that it had been real.

Checking my phone, I had a text from Lucy: staying at Leo’s. Don’t wait up. Leo will drive me tomorrow ;)

I unplugged my phone and trudged out to the living room. To my relief, Esme was sitting on the couch, curled up in one of my blankets, with her phone pressed against her ear. She smiled when I came into view, and held out a hand for me, pulling me to sit with her. She gently pushed me until my head was on her lap, and she stroked my hair (still braided, I realized happily) and traced the contours of my face while she continued her conversation.

It wasn’t a dream. It was real.

“Early Thanksgiving is fine with me. Let me know when Charlie, Billy, and Sue are free and I will rent the cabin.”

I closed my eyes and let my heart settle back down as she continued on to talk about a new recipe she tried, that someone named Nessie might enjoy, and that Edward should give Carlisle a call sometime soon. She finished by telling the person on the phone she loved her and reminded her to find out about dates for the cabin.

“You’re invited for Thanksgiving, of course,” Esme said. My eyes popped open to meet her gaze.

“Who was that?”

“Bella.” She said simply. “She’s kind of like… a daughter. Carlisle and I don’t have family in a conventional way. It’s more like a found family.”

“Aren’t you a little young to have a daughter?” I teased. Esme smiled and wrinkled her nose at me, leaning down in the blink of an eye to give me a kiss on the forehead before pulling me up to stand.

“How old do you think I am, Deirdre? I’ll give you three guesses.”

On our feet, her arms wrapped around my waist and I found my arms wrapping around her shoulders. Did adult relationships always feel this easy? This wonderful? Because I felt like I was living in a fairy tale.

“Mm.” I didn’t want to guess too high or too low. “Twenty seven?”

Esme grinned and shook her head.

“Twenty-eight?”

“Warmer.”

“Thirty?” I asked, trying not to sound shocked.

She shook her head.

“Thirty-five?” I asked, incredulous.

“Ah-ah-ah. I told you three guesses,” Esme said, leaning in to nuzzle me with her nose.

“I’ll tell you how old I am,” I said, my brain now spinning as I tried to Nancy Drew out her age.

“You’re twenty-two, and your birthday is October 17^th, at which point you’ll be twenty-three.” Esme said, laughing as my eyes widened and then narrowed. She released me and walked to the kitchen.

“Hey! How do you know that?” I asked. She just grinned.

“I have my sources, little duckling. Now, tell me what food in here is yours so I can make you breakfast.”

My eyes glanced over to the oven clock, remembering that I had work at eight. It was seven-oh-seven.

Esme pulled open the fridge.

“Is this orange juice yours?”

I shook my head, and shook it again for milk and eggs before Esme raised an eyebrow at me.

“What do you eat for breakfast?”

“Toast.” I said.

“And to drink?”

“Water.”

Esme pouted. “That’s not much of a breakfast. If you could have any breakfast in the world, what would you have?”

I had an inkling that this wasn’t solely a hypothetical question. “Um, toast and chocolate milk?”

Esme sighed. “Alright. Let’s get you some toast.”

I pulled down some glasses and plates while Esme put two pieces of wonder bread in the toaster. While we waited, she perused my side of the pantry and asked me about a thousand questions about foods I liked. When I tried to counter with the same questions, she just smiled and replied that she wasn’t real fussy.

“Where’s Carlisle?” I asked, taking a bite of my toast.

“He had to leave around three for work.” Esme said. “But he has tonight off for our book club, and this weekend as well. We can go on a date. Maybe you could even sleep over.” Esme said, resting her chin on her hands.

I sipped my water and then looked back at her. My cheeks began to flush ahead of what I was going to say.

“Um, you remember our book club when I told you my family is in a cult?”

Esme nodded, looking a little more somber now.

“Um, you do remember when I said I haven’t dated before, right?” I asked quietly.

“Oh, yes.” Esme promised, nodding as her hand crept across the table and took mine. “You don’t have to be nervous. We won’t judge you. And you might have noticed Carlisle is a little less…”

She took a moment to search for the word she wanted. “Forward. He was raised very old-fashioned. No sex before marriage. Now, I wore him down to kisses and cuddles before we were married, but he won’t go much further than that.” Esme said. “And I will go as fast or as slow as you want, honey.”

That was a relief, and a let down.

“So Carlisle’s never ever going to…?”

Esme clued in. “Just not until marriage. We can get married, honey, and then he’ll be quite eager, I promise.” Esme said gently. “I can always give you a little extra. I know it might feel hard to wait.”

“N-no, that’s okay,” I said quickly. “I’ve never… you know. Anyway. So it’s not like I’m rushing into it,” I babbled. Esme picked up my hand and kissed my knuckles.

“Relax, Deirdre. We will play when you’re ready, and not a moment before,” Esme assured. I felt my shoulders sag in relief.

“Okay. Lucy was kinda thinking you wanted to borrow me for a threesome.” I admitted.

“Oh, Carlisle and I plan on keeping you, not borrowing.” Esme said confidently. She took my empty plate and stacked it with hers.

“Go get dressed for work, sweetheart. I’ll wait here.”

I got dressed in record time, only to find that Esme had put together a water bottle with ice and lemon and a little container for a mid-morning snack. Once I checked all the windows and doors and fed Pancake, I could lock up. Esme watched my routine quietly, and I was relieved she didn’t comment on it. She took my hand as we walked out to my car. I resisted the urge to look around, to check to see if anyone was there to witness. Instead I focused on the comforting pressure of her grip.

Esme kindly didn’t make any complaints as I coaxed Myrtle to life. She quizzed me a little more about my food preferences before informing me that she would be bringing lunch for Carlisle and I at 1PM.

She had me park beside Carlisle’s black Mercedes. As we climbed out of Myrtle, I watched her walk over to the rear driver’s side tire, reach her hand up somewhere, and withdraw the car keys.

“Have a good morning, Deirdre,” Esme said, leaning over to give me a peck on the cheek.

“You too,” I said, my face heating up under her golden gaze.

She sighed contently and caressed my cheek with her fingertips. “I’m glad we got this all sorted out last night. It’s been torture not to touch you the last few weeks. I mean, I have, when I could. But this is nicer,”

Before I could say anything, she kissed my cheek again and gave me a gentle push toward the long-term care wing.

“Be a good girl and I’ll see you at one.” Esme reminded me, before sliding into the driver’s seat.

Esme was true to her word, setting out a beautiful picnic lunch while Carlisle quizzed me about my morning. Had there been enough nurses? Was there an attendant with the patients who required close contact care due to violence? Had anyone approached my desk in a threatening manner?

Once he was satisfied with my answers, he poured me a glass of ice water and Esme handed me a chicken Caesar salad wrap. The chicken was crispy, and the Caesar dressing was tangy and garlic-y. Just the way I liked it. I found myself doing a happy little wiggle, and Carlisle smiled at me.

Esme recounted the Thanksgiving plans to Carlisle, and the two discussed dates, picking at their food like neither of them were hungry, which was crazy considering I knew how good the wraps were. Carlisle asked me when I was free, and I replied that I was always free.

Esme talked about dinner plans, running several options by me and trying to gauge by my expression what I would prefer. She ended up settling on tacos—the classic Old El Paso kit and toppings kind of situation.

The lunch hour went by too quickly, and before I knew it Esme was kissing me on the cheek and giving me a squeeze, making me promise to come directly after work. Carlisle suggested driving the pair of us home after work, but I told him I needed to drive Lucy home.

Carlisle stroked my hair as Esme packed up, his eyes unfocused, lost in thought.

Carlisle walked me to the door of the long-term care wing, and we gave Esme a wave as she drove off.

“Take care. I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight.”

I felt kind of dizzy and giggly, and I couldn’t help but smile. “Me too.”

Lucy eyed me up all day, but waited until we were in Myrtle on our way home to strike.

“Janice said you arrived with Doctor Belizaire’s wife in your car this morning,” Lucy said, wiggling her brows at me.

“Janice needs to mind her own business,” I grumbled in return.

“I knew it!” Lucy said. “So, did you three get it on while I was gone?”

“Lucy!”

“Please say you didn’t do it on the couch,”

“Lucy, ew!”

Lucy cackled. When she could finally breathe again, she demanded that I tell her everything.

“It’s not that juicy, really,” I said.

“Okay, okay! Spill!” Lucy insisted as I pulled into our designated parking spot for our apartment.

“I need you to keep this on the downlow for now,” I said. She nodded vigorously. I sighed, unsure of where to start.

“Well, what did they say when they showed up at the door last night?”

“The doctor said they needed to speak with you, and that you were expecting them,” Lucy said. Her eyes scanned my face. “You weren’t expecting them?”

“Well,” I trailed off, trying to think of how to phrase things, and realizing I had to loop her in about the new nurses on the roster thing. I gave her the details of the lunch and what I’d texted Esme.

“I didn’t even know they knew where we lived,” I said. Lucy didn’t seemed overly bothered.

“Eh, I’m sure there’s tons of ways to find out. I mean, it’s in our employee files and on our emergency contact sheets. The emergency contact stuff is accessible to all employees.”

I frowned. Not super jazzed about that. At least that explained how Esme knew my birthday.

I admitted to cuddling with them the night before, and mentioned that Carlisle was old fashioned. Lucy snorted. “Old fashioned but he’ll take two wives? Guess that makes him really old fashioned.”

I ignored her comment and mentioned how nice they’d been the day before at lunch. After a pause, I added: “I thought Carlisle was one of my father’s cult friends yesterday, when he first came around the corner.”

Lucy sighed, her brows raising slightly “You still think they’re after you?”

I bristled at her phrasing. I gripped the steering wheel a little harder. “They tried twice. Why wouldn’t they go for a third?”

She shrugged and opened her door, signalling she was done with the conversation. “There’s lots of dumb young girls in the world to suck into the cult. They don’t need you, no offence.”

I arrived at the Belizaire home forty-five minutes later with in jeans and an oversized Saint Jude’s Hospital t-shirt, my hair still damp and quickly turning into a poodle-like mess. I scowled and pulled it into a bun.

Grabbing my borrowed book and my notes, I tried to get my breathing under control before I entered the house.

Carlisle beat me to it, opening the door with a curious look.

“What’s happened, Deirdre?”

He held his hand out and steadied me as I climbed the stairs.

“Nothing. Just argued with Lucy, that’s all.” I muttered. How could he possibly know I was upset?

 Once inside, Carlisle blocked my way with his body, dropping to kneel and take off my shoes. The action surprised me, and for a moment I forgot my anger towards Lucy.

“Tell me what’s happened, Deirdre. What’s made you unhappy?”

He stood and took both of my hands, waiting for a response.

I could feel my face heating up, this time in anger, even though it wasn’t towards Carlisle. I couldn’t meet his gaze.

“Stop editing what you’re going to say,” Carlisle murmured. I let out a shaky sigh and blinked to stop tears from falling. Crying when you’re mad must be some sort of curse.

“Deirdre, I’m waiting.” Carlisle said. His voice was firm, and something snapped inside me.

“And you’ll keep waiting!” I growled. His eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed slightly. I fumbled for the door handle, twisting and tugging before realizing that a hand was holding it closed. When I turned to find the arm in my periphery, I winced and pulled away.

“Little one, I’m not going to hit you.” Carlisle said calmly. I tugged at the doorknob as Esme peered down the hall from the kitchen.

“Let go, please,” I said, feeling angry tears begin to burn. My free hand balled up and I fought the instinctual urge to hit him.

“No.” Carlisle said, in his quiet, calm voice. “Tell us what happened to make our girl so upset.”

I knew Esme had approached us, but I was still unprepared for her hands to take my clenched fist, her strong fingers pulling my fist apart until she could take my hand.

“You are used to running away from things, aren’t you?” Esme asked. I tried the doorknob again—no luck.

“It will not work this time, sweet one,” Carlisle continued for her.

“Stop,” I said, hot and dizzy and blinded by tears. “I need air.”

“That’s fine,” Carlisle said. “Come see the backyard, then.”

I huffed, and then, to my surprise, I was moving. Not of my own volition, I realized, as my torso sagged over Carlisle’s shoulder.

A door opened, and somehow we were in a lush garden. Carlisle set me down on the outdoor sofa, and I made a move to climb off when Esme’s arms snaked around me and pulled me back.

“If you have to scream and cry about it first, that’s okay.” Esme said.

I glared at Carlisle, wiggling in Esme’s grasp. At least her cool body felt nice against my overheated one.

“No amount of huffing or puffing is going to change our minds, little one.” Carlisle said. I twisted in Esme’s arms so I could look over her shoulder and avoid meeting curious eyes. Angry tears dripped down my face, and I sniffed and wiped the tears from my eyes.

Esme’s fingers snaked through my hair while I looked around the yard. It was beautiful, truly, but obviously still in progress. Esme pulled my hair tie out, manually shaking out my curls. When she tired of my hair, she pulled at the back of my shirt and ran her hand over my back.

“Your hand’s cold,” I mumbled.

“Circulation issue. Carlisle’s got the same one.” Esme said lightly. “Mm. Just as I suspected—muscles tighter than the eye of a needle.”

Esme loved a good simile, I was beginning to realize.

Her fingers pressed into the tight bundles of muscles, and I jerked when she hit a sensitive spot.

“May I?” she asked.

“Mhm.” I consented, wincing as she rubbed the tight bundle of muscles. Shortly thereafter, my back felt much better, and I sagged against her like a ragdoll.

We sat quietly for a while. Could’ve been five, ten minutes. The air was fresh and sweet, just hinting that autumn was on its way.

“The food will get cold,” Esme reminded me. We sat for another minute before I sighed.

“I’m mad at Lucy,” I admitted to her, not sure if she’d hear me say as much to Carlisle. “Not that I’m very pleased with Carlisle at the moment, either.”

“What happened with Lucy?” Carlisle pressed on, ignoring the comment directed towards him.

I didn’t know how to explain the next part. Esme’s arms still held me firmly, and I closed my eyes to rest against her shoulder.

“You can sleep if you’d like, but you’re still telling us when you wake,” Esme said.

More tears. This was the worst. I was torn between being upset with how controlling they were being, and being frightened that this would scare them off. I felt small and vulnerable, like a kindergartener being interrogated by her parents with no escape in sight.

“I just feel stupid,” I mumbled into Esme’s neck, too quiet for anyone to hear. I just needed to say it out loud to let it go before I told them what had happened.

To my horror, Esme heard. And not only that, but so had Carlisle.

“Oh, my love, you are anything but.” Esme insisted.

“Who put such thoughts in your sweet head? Was it Lucy?”

I shook my head, face still in the crook of Esme’s neck, which I was slowly warming up with my heavy breathing and hot tears.

“Darling, we aren’t very good mind readers,” Carlisle joked. I turned my head to meet his gaze in order to glare at him for the joke. Instead I found myself softening into a ridiculous, crybaby puddle.

“I’m really sorry. I’m so embarrassed right now,” I said between hiccups. Esme gave me a squeeze.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed with us,” Esme murmured, pushing my now unruly curls away from my face. “Carlisle’s seen me cry loads of times, and I’ve seen him do the same. We’re here to comfort you and help you make it better. Please let us help you feel better.”

I hated how much her words settled me, lulled me into enough of a calm state that I could explain after a few minutes what Lucy’d said.

Carlisle moved in closer, taking one of my hands before prying for details about my family and the cult.

The first time they’d almost gotten me was a few days after my 18^th birthday. I was a few towns over at a motel, working retail in the morning and a fast-food job in the evenings. When I’d gone to take out the trash, Henry and John David had tried to pull me into a van. Only screaming and holding onto the rim of a dumpster for dear life had saved me, as one of my coworkers came out with bear spray and threatened them. I found out later my dad had strolled into the motel (as he must’ve done in all of the lodgings in the surrounding area) and inquired which room his daughter was staying in so he could have her birthday present delivered correctly.

The second time had been worse. I knew they’d found me when I was twenty, but I was super careful. I was never out early or late, walked in groups of people, parked near the door to stores, kept mace on me, held my keys in between my fingers like a claw… and it wasn’t enough. Because someone learned how to pick locks, and they rolled me up in a blanket, duct taped my mouth, and carried me out to the van like an old rug. My saving grace was that the police descended on that motel for a drug bust on one of my neighbours, and I was dropped in the parking lot as they ran to the van to get out of there.

By the time I finished my story, I was sitting up in Esme’s arms, my own arm around her shoulders as she shivered beneath me, seemingly oscillating between fear and anger of her own.

“And after escaping a cult that entrenched your entire family, surviving two kidnapping attempts, and working your way up to a comfortable living, you think you are stupid?” Carlisle asked. His voice was soft—he knew he’d led me toward the ‘appropriate’ answer.

I averted my gaze, staring instead at his socked feet. “No, I guess not.”

“You’re not,” Esme whispered. I glanced at her, finding her eyes were a little vacant, and the typical bright golden colour seemed a bit duller.

I looked at Carlisle. He looked pensive as well, and after a few minutes I worried that I’d brought down the entire night by sharing.

“Esme said you’re a prude,” I told Carlisle, wrapping my arms around Esme’s neck and resting my cheek against hers. He blinked out of his stupor, raising his brows before looking to Esme with an amused smile.

Esme scoffed, but her eyes brightened. She took my chin, tilting it to look between me and Carlisle. “I didn’t say prude, I said ‘old-fashioned’.”

“It doesn’t really matter,” I said with a smile. “You both know I’m a big ol’ virgin with no experience.”

Carlisle chuckled, shaking his head at me. “I do appreciate that you understand I don’t mean to favour Esme as far as physical touch.”

“And I get to hog you until we get married,” Esme said, giving me an exaggerated kiss on the cheek that made me giggle.

Carlisle shook his head at us before standing, offering hands to help me up, then Esme. I felt a little light-headed as we re-entered the house.

Carlisle’s cool hand found my lower back, and he led me to the living room. I sagged onto the couch and he covered me with a throw blanket.

“Water?”

“Yes please,” I croaked. Crying had left me dehydrated and tired. He disappeared, then reappeared with a small mug of cool water, which he helped me sip before I flopped back down.

“We’ll put your tacos in the fridge,” Carlisle promised, smoothing down my crazy hair. I mumbled an acknowledgement, and then I was out.

When I woke up, I was being lowered into cool sheets. I recognized my bedroom, and looked up in confusion at Carlisle, who adjusted the blankets and pillows.

“What about book club?” I asked.

He kneeled down, gently moving my hair away from my face. “It’s eleven thirty, sweet one. We’ll have book club on Friday.”

Lucy paused by the door, looking in at me before continuing on her way, shutting the door to her bedroom.

I glanced back to Carlisle. “I ruined the night,”

He shook his head at me, his tawny eyes bright even in the darkness. “You did not. You shared some hard things and felt tired after. Esme and I understand.” He promised. “Esme drove your car back. Your keys are in your bag by the door. I’ll remind Lucy to lock the door when I leave.”

Ugh, a man after my own heart.

“Thank you.”

Cold lips pressed against my forehead, and then I was asleep.

Chapter Text

Chapter 7: Fulmination

My alarm woke me up in the morning. I got up, showered, got dressed, and made my way to the kitchen.

To my surprise, Lucy was fully dressed and sipping her travel mug of coffee, scrolling through something on her phone.

“Morning,” I murmured, shuffling through the kitchen to make my toast.

“Hey,” Lucy responded. After a minute, she cleared her throat. “I, um, wanted to apologize for yesterday. What I said about your family and the cult. I didn’t know you were still so freaked out about it.”

I sensed she wasn’t done talking, and I was right.

“Maybe you should talk to someone? Like a counsellor?”

I filled up my mug with water, crossing my other arm across my chest as I sipped. “Costs too much. S’fine, anyway.”

I set my mug down to start making my lunch. When I opened the fridge, I was momentarily confused to find unfamiliar Tupperware on my shelf. Taking it out, I realized it contained tacos and the selected accoutrement.

“How was the evening at the Belizaire’s? Carlisle brought you in at half past eleven.”

I didn’t turn, giving Lucy a shrug as I began to pack up my lunch.

“He was quite curt with me, so I know you must’ve mentioned you were upset with me. He walked around the apartment and locked all our windows before he left.”

This made me turn. “He did?”

“Mhm. And he got me to lock the door on his way out. Y’know, he’s not very bulky but he must work out judging by how easy it was for him to carry you in. It was like you were a doll instead of a person.”

I paused on that, remembering how Carlisle scooped me up and took me to the back porch the night before. Then, how Esme had held me in her lap.

“He is pretty strong. Esme, too. They must work out or something.” I said, taking a clean water bottle out of the drawer and doing my best to approximate Esme’s ratio for lemon juice and ice.

“I bet they have a home gym,” Lucy said, her eyes sparkling. “No way they’d be able to work out around here with everyone salivating over them.”

I winced. “Maybe. I haven’t seen the basement, yet.”

Uh oh. Lucy’s eyes glowed. “Ooh, I bet you they have something even more fun down there. You’ve got to keep an eye on the quiet, composed ones—I bet they’re freaky in the sheets.”

“Ugh, Lucy,” I grumbled. “I’m not theorizing about what they like in bed.”

“But don’t you want to be in bed with them? What’s the harm in a little fantasy?”

I glared at her. “Lu, seriously. Stop.”

Lucy pouted, then took a sip of her coffee.

It was a dark, windy day, the threat of rain always present. I liked how the air felt hot and cold and damp, but I had made the mistake of wearing a dress, so I had to sit on the picnic table with my back to the building, something I wasn’t overly comfortable with.

Carlisle beat Esme to the picnic table for once, his smile turning to a grin as he rounded the corner and made eye contact with me.

“There’s my girl,” he hummed, smoothing back my hair with his cool hand.

“Hey,” I answered lamely. He sat down beside me, and I could give my neck a rest from checking over my shoulder. “I, um, wanted to apologize for being so rude to you yesterday.”

Carlisle rested his elbow on the table and then his cheek in his palm. “You don’t need to apologize, Deirdre. I know you were under a lot of stress.”

I could feel my face warming up, but this time out of embarrassment than attraction. “I… that doesn’t excuse the way I treated you.”

I rested my elbow on the table, and then my cheek in my palm. Carlisle’s lips turned up at the corner, and he reached out to take my free hand.

“I want you to know that Esme and I will always take care of you, alright? You’re safe with us.”

“That’s not a licence to be rude,” I insisted.

Carlisle shook his head at me, his warm brown eyes a delicious butterscotch. “All is forgiven, Deirdre. Rest your heart.”

His thumb moved over the back of my hand, and I felt myself closing my eyes and relaxing.

“Did you have a good morning?” Carlisle asked.

I nodded. “Quiet morning, really. One of the local churches came and set up a painting activity for a bunch of the residents.” After a moment, I added. “Lucy apologized this morning.”

“Hm. I’m glad you had a good morning. What did Lucy say?”

I laid my head down on my arm, and a moment later Carlisle’s chilly fingers caressed my jaw. I forgot his question for a minute as he traced the features available to him. A gust of wind made me shiver, and I felt Carlisle inch closer to run his hand over my back.

“Lucy,” He reminded softly.

“Oh! Yes, um… she said she didn’t know my family stuff was still bothering me. She said maybe I should see a counsellor.”

I peeked to see Carlisle’s reaction. His face was calm as per usual.

“What do you think about seeing a counsellor?”

I shrugged. “I don’t have money for that.”

He tilted his head. “I’m sure there’s some sort of coverage through the hospital.”

I couldn’t meet his eyes. “It’s not going to change anything, anyway.”

“Hm.” He murmured. “Well, what if you talked to me once a week about it all? Just to get it off your chest.”

I shook my head. “I can’t dump that all on you.”

His face became more serious. “You can, and you should.” And in my head, I heard and you will.

I felt this was an argument I couldn’t currently win, so I changed the subject. “Lucy said you locked all the windows on your way out.”

“I did,” he said simply, leaving me to continue prying.

“Um, how did you know…?”

“Esme told me about your routine, and after what you told us yesterday evening, I thought it would put your mind at ease.”

I was so touched by the thoughtfulness, I was too stunned to speak for a moment. “Thank you,” I murmured.

“Always,” Carlisle murmured in return. His eyes moved away from me and settled on my lunch bag.

“Have you eaten yet?”

I shook my head. “I was waiting for you and Esme.”

He pursed his lips. “I forgot to mention—Esme is a few towns over today and got stuck behind a bad accident.”

“She wasn’t in the accident, was she?” I asked, sitting up.

“No, about a quarter mile behind on the highway, but she’ll be stuck there for awhile and won’t make it today.”

I sighed. “I’m glad she’s alright.”

I began to pull open my lunch before I glanced at Carlisle. “Where’s your lunch? Was Esme going to bring it?”

“I already ate,” Carlisle said simply, watching me set out yesterday’s taco dinner.

I raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled, his eyes twinkling.

“I promise I’m not hungry. Thank you for thinking of me.”

I took out my food and asked him about his morning. He happily monologued, letting me eat as I nodded and mhm-ed in the appropriate places.

“The weather isn’t supposed to be that great this weekend,” Carlisle said. “But Esme and I were thinking of maybe going camping? Would you be interested?”

I had just shoved the last bit of my taco in my mouth, and I covered my mouth and nodded my head, trying to swallow the bite without choking.

“Yes.” I said after a moment. “I haven’t really been camping before, though. What should I bring?”

“Esme and I have tons of camping gear. We’ll have everything you need, other than day clothes, a swimsuit, towel, pyjamas, and a sweater.”

I didn't even own a swimsuit. Maybe I could make an excuse, like I was on my period or something. “Do you two like camping?”

Carlisle nodded. “It’s a nice way to get out in nature, get away from everything… and have some private time.”

I wondered exactly what private time entailed before I realized Carlisle and Esme and I wouldn’t have any until we got married.

I mean, unless we got married. I wasn’t already hearing wedding bells, was I?

“Deirdre?”

I shook my head. “Sorry, lost in thought,” I said, hoping I hadn’t started blushing.

Carlisle checked his watch and sighed. “We better head back, love.”

Love.

“Okay,” I said, shoving everything back into my lunch bag. “Oh, I forgot to mention,”

Carlisle held a hand out to help me up from the picnic table.

“Lucy was saying that Janice saw Esme drop me off yesterday. So I’m not sure what we should do.”

Carlisle’s arm wrapped around my waist as he looked off. “Hmm.” He hummed. “Does it bother you that others will notice we are dating you?”

“It makes me worried people will be rude to you, or Esme, or me.” I admitted. He frowned a little, his eyes searching mine as he gave me a squeeze.

“I know a lot of them will be jealous. Every nurse in the hospital was buzzing about your charm and good looks before I ever met you.”

“Let’s let them be jealous,” Carlisle murmured. “It’s not right for them to covet what we have, but we can’t really blame them, can we?”

I found myself smiling despite myself. “I can’t blame them for wondering why you two picked me.”

Carlisle shook his head at me. “Are you saying we have bad taste?” he joked.

I laughed. “Um, pretty much!”

He sighed to himself, shaking his head before taking my face in his hands to look at me seriously. “Deirdre, you are a very special person. We are overjoyed for you to share your life with us. Never doubt that.”

I could feel tears blurring my vision, and my throat started to burn as I tried not to cry. Carlisle kissed my forehead, then wrapped his arms around me.

“We need to work on your confidence, sweet one. As much as I’d like to whisk you away and take care of this right now, I fear it’s almost the end of your lunch hour.”

He squeezed me tightly. The pressure felt nice, and by the time he let go I felt kind of floaty.

I didn’t realize until we were in front of the long-term care wing that he was still holding my hand. A couple of the residents watched us from the window like we were actors in a fascinating soap opera.

“I love you, Deirdre. Take care of yourself and have a good afternoon.”

“You too,” I whispered, giving him a little wave as he hurried off to the main hospital entrance.

I hoped my eyes weren’t red and my face wasn’t blotchy as I swiped my card. The door slid open and I stepped inside, waiting for it to close before I opened the next door.

“Fucking bitch,” Mrs. McCarthy grumbled as I walked by her. “LET ME OUT OF THIS PRISON!”

Her shout made me jump, but her cane swinging at the back of my head is what took me down.

I rolled over and raised my arm to cover my face, my forearm taking the next blow as she brought her metal cane down on me like a battle axe. She wound up for another hit, but a PSW snatched it from her.

Her body falling on top of mine made me scream. It wasn’t overly heavy, but her bony knee dug into my abdomen and her bony hands went straight for my hair. She was surprisingly strong for such a fragile looking woman.

“Think you can sleep with my man, you cunt? Die! Die!”

Someone pulled Mrs. McCarthy up and off of me, and I crawled behind my desk and began to sob.

I heard shouts and Mrs. McCarthy’s screams. I took cover under my desk, pulling the chair in front of me as protection.

Lucy rounded the corner, her eyes scanning before finding me. “Holy shit, Dee, are you okay?”

She crouched down, moving the chair away from me so she could look me over.

“Where did she hit you?”

I showed her my arm, and felt the back of my head. There was a good lump beginning to form already.

“Shoot. I’ll get Fitz. You’re gonna have to go to the hospital side to get checked out.”

We paused as Mrs. McCarthy screamed again.

“Between you and me, I think Mrs. McCarthy’s missed her meds a few days in a row. I’m pretty sure Molly’s swiping them.”

“Oh shit,” I whispered.

The LTC was abuzz with activity. Fitz let Lucy bring me over to the hospital wing in order to drop me off for tests. I had to fill out a bunch of paperwork, but the good news was that the tests were covered, and I was getting the rest of the day, Friday, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday off work to recover from the “traumatic event” and “mild concussion”.

I noticed Carlisle flitting around in the background, but he didn’t come over until I was going through the discharge papers.

“Esme’s in the parking lot to pick you up,” Carlisle murmured, before pointing to another spot I needed to sign.

“Did you hear what happened?”

He nodded grimly. “I’m so sorry, Deirdre. If I’d just brought you back late…”

I shook my head, then winced. “It’s not your fault. Don’t think like that.”

He moved a hand through his hair, and I instinctively smoothed it back into place.

“What about Myrtle?”

“Esme’s gotten your bag from Lucy and gave her the keys so she can drive herself home,” Carlisle said. “I’ll be home in a few hours.”

I gave him a look. “Won’t we have to pick you up?”

He shook his head. “I drove myself today. We have two cars, Deirdre.”

“Oh. Okay, that makes sense.”

He patted my shoulder. “Let me walk you out.”

True to his word, he walked me to the first floor doors, where I crossed the threshold to the outside just in time to be wrapped in a hug by Esme.

“Oh sweetheart. My poor girl.” Esme cooed, gently patting my back before holding my shoulders to look me over.

“Mild concussion. No screens or books.” Carlisle instructed her. “She’s got a significant bruise on her forearm as well. She can have some acetaminophen and ice on the back of her head and on her arm when you get home. Fifteen minutes on, fifteen minutes off.”

I showed her my arm and she frowned, her fingers ghosting over the darkening red patch.

“Where on your head…?”

“Back here,” I said. Her hand moved carefully until it found the lump. The coolness of her fingers felt nice, and the pressure was so minimal it didn’t even make me flinch.

“Let’s get you home,” Esme said, her eyes flitting over me and back to Carlisle.

“I’ll be home soon,” He said.

“It’s just a concussion, I’ve had worse,” I said. Carlisle’s face shocked me—his expression was darker than I’d ever seen, 100% serious and 0% gentle or light. It made me shrink against Esme, and his face softened.

“Sorry. I’ll be home soon,” He said, before turning on his heel and disappearing back into the depths of the hospital.

“Come along, sweet one,” Esme said, gently tugging me with her. She even opened my door, reaching down to buckle me in.

“I’m gonna be fine,” I assured her, although I had to close my eyes when the car started. Her driving was smooth, but I felt carsick for the first time in ages.

“Kitten?”

“Are we home yet?” I asked weakly, before realizing she was helping me out of the car.

“We are. Let’s go get you settled, hm? Are you going to throw up? You look a bit green.”

“I feel dizzy.” I admitted.

On that note, Esme practically carried me into the house, setting me down on a soft, plush bed. I sank into the pillows and sighed.

“Open,”

I opened my eyes as Esme poured a few pills out of a container. I let her deposit the pills in my mouth before she brought a cool glass of water to my lips.

She fussed with my hair to release it from my bun, setting an ice pack over my lump before wrapping another in paper towel and holding it over my arm.

“Sleep if you can,” Esme insisted, and then I was out.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8

“You need to hunt.”

“I’m fine, Es. Really.”

“Carlisle… I haven’t seen you that angry in a long time.”

“Shh. She’s stirring.”

A cool hand rested on my forehead. From the size, I knew it was Carlisle’s hand. My eyes fluttered open, taking a moment to adjust to the dimly lit room.

“There she is,” Carlisle murmured. He was leaning over me, one foot on the ground and one knee on the bed. He was still wearing dress clothes, though his tie was loosened around his neck. “How are you feeling, Deirdre?”

My arm moved over my eyes to block the light, and I groaned. My head felt heavy and pressurized, like someone was trying to blow up a balloon inside of my skull.

Carlisle made a tutting sound, and a minute later he was pulling my arm away, replacing it with something silky. He slid it over my face, and everything was deliciously dark again.

“Is this a blindfold?”

I hear him chuckle. “Yes. But I believe it will suit your purpose just fine. If the light is bothering you, then you definitely have a concussion. We’ll have to stay home this weekend and repose.”

“But what about camping?” I asked, trying not to sound as disappointed as I felt.

“We’ll go another time. Maybe for your birthday.” Carlisle assured. His fingers trailed over my jaw.

“Esme’s making you some dinner. I’m going to pop in the shower, but I’ll be right back.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” I murmured, turning on my side to snuggle into the pillows. Carlisle patted my shoulder, then I felt the pressure lessen on the bed and his quiet steps as he padded off to the bathroom.

I could hear the soft sound of the shower starting, and I realized I had a few minutes to myself.

So Carlisle hunts when he’s mad. That was… antithetical to everything I knew about him.

A soft knock jolted me from my thoughts.

“It’s just me, Deirdre. I made you some dinner.”

I felt her crawl onto the bed, and I moved to take off the blindfold.

“Leave it, sweetheart. Rest your eyes. I made cheese tortellini in a butter sauce.”

I was speechless for a moment, my brain thumping as the gears turned. “I… did you know that’s my comfort food?”

“You told me that before.”

“When?” I said, mentally sifting through our past conversations. A cool, slender hand descended on my forehead.

“At the library. We were in the cookbook section, and I asked you about some things you liked to eat.”

Um, no, you didn’t.

“I don’t remember that,” I insisted. I moved to take off the blindfold, but Esme’s hand caught mine.

“Just relax, Deirdre. It’s common for people with concussions to be more irritable than usual.”

I frowned, but then a moment later something warm tapped at my mouth, and my nose confirmed what it was. I let Esme push the tortellini into my mouth, and I chewed it slowly, thinking of what I was going to say next.

“Aren’t we going to eat at the table?” I managed to say before another tortellini entered my mouth.

“Carlisle and I already ate.” Esme murmured. “It’s not that we wanted to eat without you; we didn’t want to wake you.”

“Mm.” I hummed. The next time the “airplane” came in for landing, I reached a hand up to take the fork from Esme. I was surprised she let me have it, moving my wrist so that I could stab my own tortellini from the bowl.

“I didn’t know Carlisle likes to hunt.”

Esme was deadly silent as I ate my next bite. I swear she wasn’t even breathing.

“What are you talking about, darling?”

“You were telling Carlisle to go hunting because he was upset today.” I said. “Right when I was waking up.”

“Um,” Esme trailed off. Luckily for her, the shower turned off, and a minute later warm, moist air was wafting out of the bathroom.

“How are you feeling, now that’s you’re more awake, Deirdre?” Carlisle asked. The bed dipped, and I could feel him move closer to me.

“My head’s pounding,” I said. “But it’s not worth a hospital visit or anything.” I added.

Carlisle sighed, then gently tugged at my blindfold.

“Flashlight in the drawer,” Carlisle said softly to Esme. She rolled over and reached into the nightstand, handing the small gadget to her husband.

“Follow my finger,” Carlisle said, his voice soft. He smelled wonderful, and it took a lot of self control not to push my face into his neck and breathe deeply.

Carlisle turned off the flashlight. “They are trying to play this off as a mild concussion. It’s definitely moderate, which is why you got the days you did. If you’re not feeling well when you go back, we should discuss having a few more days allocated. Especially since your job involves looking at a screen all day.”

Esme’s glance flitted between Carlisle and I. As much as I wanted to see their faces during conversation, my head hurt so much I put my hands over my ears.

Esme pulled the fork from my hand, and Carlisle picked up the blindfold.

“Better?” Carlisle asked.

“Yes,” I said, breathing a sigh of relief as I settled back into the pillows.

“Have some more tortellini, Deirdre,” Esme said. I heard the fork clink against the bowl.

“It’s yummy, but I’m not very hungry,” I admitted.

“That’s probably due to your concussion,” Carlisle said. His hand patted my knee and Esme huffed.

“I’ll put this in the fridge in case you’d like it later.” Esme mumbled. I reached out for her, missing a few times before she offered her hand.

“It really is yummy; I just feel a little nauseous.”

I heard a sigh, and then lips against my palm.

“I’m glad you like it. I just can’t figure out how to make your pain go away.”

“It’s not that bad,” I promised. “I’m just a big whimp.”

“Nice try,” Esme said. She let go of my hand, and I wasn’t terribly surprised when she moved my face to the side to kiss me softly on the lips.

When she pulled away, my hand shot out to take her arm and I let out an involuntary whine.

“I think Deirdre’s thought of a way you can make the pain go away, Es,” Carlisle teased. I could feel my face warm up, and I put a pillow over my head to hide.

Esme giggled. “I’ll be right back, then.”

Once Esme was gone, I stuck my hand out in the direction of Carlisle. He took it in both of his own.

“I’m sorry I upset you today.”

I could hear the confusion in his voice. “Whatever do you mean, Deirdre?” 

“At the hospital.” I explained. “Esme said she hadn’t seen you angry like that in a long time.”

Carlisle was quiet for a long moment, and then he sighed. “I wasn’t upset with you, little one. I was upset at the thought that this isn’t the worst you’ve endured.

I tried to squeeze his hands with my one hand. He brought my knuckles to his lips.

“Are you going to go hunting, then?” I asked. He let out a shaky breath on the back of my hand.

“Not this weekend. It’s soothing to be in nature, but I will feel better at home, knowing you’re taken care of.”

“Esme would take care of me if I needed help,” I pointed out.

“I know she would. But as a doctor, I’ll feel better keeping an eye on you myself.”

I felt a dip in the bed, and then Esme crowded me, settling down behind me to be the big spoon. She moved my hair out of the way, then began to lazily kiss my neck. I shivered, nearly passing out with satisfaction when she threw a leg over my thigh and an arm over my tummy.

“My my, you two look comfy,” Carlisle said with a laugh. “Would my girls like a bedtime story?”

I wasn’t sure if he really meant it.

“Say yes,” Esme whispered.

“Yes,” I answered.

“Esme always requests the Canterbury Tales. Will that suit you, Deirdre?”

“That sounds lovely,” I said airily, soon forgetting what we were even talking about as Esme’s hand dipped under my shirt to rest on my bare stomach.

“He’s got the most wonderful reading voice in the world,” Esme breathed in my ear.

I felt the bed move as Carlisle returned. There was a soft rustle of pages, then Carlisle cleared his throat.

“When that Aprilis, with his showers swoot,

The drought of March hath pierced to the root,

And bathed every vein in such licour,

Of which virtue engender'd is the flower…”

I only made it a few lines in before every fiber in my being relaxed. I felt Esme shake with silent laughter, her cold lips leaving warm spots from just below my ear to my shoulder.

In the morning, I woke to find myself bundled up in the middle of Carlisle and Esme’s bed. I set the blindfold aside, not super happy to be blinking into soft daylight, but it wasn’t as painful as the previous evening.

I pulled myself out of bed, fiddling with the sheets and pillows back into place until it looked presentable. When I turned away from the bed, I was surprised to find one of my old duffle bags sitting by a door.

It was a duffle bag I got when I was twelve, the last year I played soccer. I crept over and unzipped it to find a couple pairs of my pyjamas, some track pants and t-shirts, underwear, sports bras, and my toiletries bag.

I frowned, thinking over who must’ve put the bag together, and shuddered when I realized it was most likely Carlisle. No sex until marriage but he’s already folding my underwear.

I opened the door to find it leading to a charming ensuite. There was a modern cottage vibe, and the space was warm, comfortable, and tidy. I closed the door, changed, and braided my hair in an effort to look more presentable. A t-shirt and track pants were my best bet at day clothes. I brushed my teeth, hoping Esme might kiss me again. This time I wouldn’t have buttery tortellini breath.

I put my bag in a corner and decided to go look for Esme or Carlisle. It didn’t take long to find Esme, who was curled up on the outdoor couch, chatting on the phone. She waved me over, and I tiptoed across the patio to sit with her. She gently pushed me until my head was on her lap, and she scratched my scalp while she talked.

“I know, Alice…”

“Alice…”

“Still,”

“This weekend’s not good… No… Not even then… I’m not sure… You’ll have to ask Carlisle mid-week what he thinks… I know you are, but he’s the doctor, Alice.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. She smiled, rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Well, don’t be ridiculous then. Fine. That’s fine… Rose and Emmett can come if they want to. I will. I will. Love you, Alice. Bye.”

Esme put down the phone and sighed.

“Alice?”

“Another ‘daughter’,” Esme explained. “She’s beyond eager to meet you, but Carlisle would throw a fit if she came this weekend. You need to rest, and Alice is… a lot.”

“Are Rose and Emmett your ‘kids’ too?”

Esme smiled and nodded. “Rosalie and Emmett.”

“So Bella, Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett?”

Esme looked almost embarrassed. “Well, and Edward. And Jasper.”

I blinked at her. “That’s a lot of ‘kids’,” I said.

“Is that okay?” she asked, suddenly a bit softer than before.

“Oh gosh, yes of course! I’m just curious. I’m not being judge-y, I swear.”

Esme was content once again. “Excellent. They’re all dying to meet you, except maybe Rosalie. She’s a bit… aloof. But she always comes around. She has a good heart.”

I gave a little nod, a pang of worry going straight to my heart about this Rosalie woman. Esme’s eyes lit up when she talked about them, and I worried I wouldn’t be enough.

“I’m not a terribly interesting person to meet, Esme.” I said. “Won’t they be a bit disappointed?”

Esme huffed and bent down to capture my mouth in a kiss. “No more of that. You’re perfectly lovely as yourself, and don’t be saying otherwise, or I’ll be tempted to spank that habit out of you.”

My body suddenly got hot, like I’d been struck my lightning. Esme noticed the change, but like me, she didn’t know what it meant.

“I didn’t scare you, did I? You know I wouldn’t do something that’s not in your best interest, right?”

“I know,” I replied, unable to meet her gaze from embarrassment.

“Carlisle used to have the same bad habit,” Esme murmured, her fingers ghosting over my spine.

“How did you get him out of it?”

Esme tilted her head at me, a small smile playing on her mouth. “Spankings, sweetheart.”

“Like a child?”

“No,” Esme said, making a face. “Although I suppose most of the mechanics are the same. He’d lay across my lap. I’d make him admit what he’d said and why it went against our commitment to each other, and after the spanking we would usually have sex and cuddle.”

Like weeks ago, in Fitz’ garden, suddenly my mouth had a mind of its own. “In that case, I’m a very very boring person.”

Esme laughed, pulling me to her to squeeze me tight.

“I’m telling Carlisle what you said when he gets home. Maybe he’ll be able to think of a suitable punishment for you.”

I gasped. “Esme!”

She laughed harder, smiling into my neck as she pulled me onto her lap.

Once we’d both calmed down, Esme told me a little bit more about her ‘kids’. Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmet, and Bella and Edward were all couples, a little younger than me but not by much, although Esme instead they were wise beyond their years and “old souls”. At one point, they’d all lived with Carlisle and Esme while finishing high school, and Esme missed having them around.

“Do they live far?” I asked. She nodded. “Alaska. But most of them should be coming for Thanksgiving, and they often visit this area anyway, so they’ll probably meet you soon.”

I nodded, staring off into space to wonder about these people. Esme told me a few other details, and then insisted I eat some lunch and take a nap. I napped on the couch while she crocheted, and by the time I woke up, Carlisle was sitting at my feet, reading a heavy leather-bound book. He was readying by the light of a dim lamp, and around us it was dark. It took me a long minute to realize someone had moved me to the living room.

“Esme threatened me while you were gone,” I murmured sleepily, rubbing my eyes.

Carlisle chuckled, completely unconcerned by my accusation. “And pray tell, what did she say?”

“She said she was going to spank me for being mean to myself, and she used to spank you for the same thing.”

Carlisle surprised me with his nod. “That’s right. We wouldn’t tolerate anyone hurting you, so we certainly won’t tolerate you hurting yourself.”

I felt small by his words. “Oh. Okay.”

I set my head down, falling into a sleepy state. On some level, I recognized Esme’s fingers tracing my jaw, eyes, nose… but I wasn’t quite awake.

“She told be she was boring, Carlisle.”

“I understand how she could feel that way. She’s young, had a rough transition to adulthood, and works hard to be able to survive. It’s no wonder she feels boring. She hasn’t had the chance to travel or take up hobbies, and she’s nervous, rightly so, about strangers.”

“That doesn’t mean she’s boring.”

“I agree. I’m simply explaining why I think she would say such a thing.”

Delicate fingers began to pull apart my braid. “I don’t want her working at the hospital.”

Carlisle sighed. “Me neither, Es. But she hasn’t known us long enough that she’d take up our offer.”

“Alice said she would. Under the right conditions.”

Esme traced my ear, and I twitched.

“Mm?”

“Nothing, love,” Esme reassured. “Go back to sleep.”

But I couldn’t go back to sleep. After a few, quiet minutes, I wiggled out of the covers and mumbled an excuse about going to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, I washed my face with cold water and re-braided my hair, tying it off with a hair elastic while I did my best not to start hyperventilating.

“Kitten?”

Esme poked her head in through the door. When her eyes met mine, I burst into tears and she rushed forward, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me to her.

“It’s alright, Deirdre. Shh. It’s okay.”

I shivered, not able to relax against her despite the instinctual pull. She smelled amazing, and a part of me wanted to crumple up in her arms and let her carry me back to bed. She certainly felt strong enough to do it.

“I’m not quitting my job,” I managed to choke out.  Her hold on me tightened for a moment, and then relaxed again.

“I didn’t mean for you to hear me say that, duckling," she said, her arms around my waist while she pulled back a little to catch my gaze. “It’s upsetting to see what’s happened to you, and I don’t like the idea of you going back. But that’s not something I can ask of you right now.” Esme continued, her eyes moving over the purpled skin of my arm.

Her hand moved towards my face, so fast I was certain she was going to slap me. I winced, eyes shut, until her hand gently caressed my face.

“I’m sorry I upset you. Why don’t you come have a snack and go back to bed?”

“I’m not quitting my job,” I said, huffing to myself and she wiped the tears off my cheeks.

“I heard you, sweetie. C’mon, I’ll get you cuddled up with Carlisle while I make you a snack.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 9: Immersion

Days passed in the Belizaire household, and no one brought up the idea of me quitting my job. In fact, the three of us tiptoed around talking about work at all. I spent the mornings sleeping in, then hanging out with Esme in the basement while she worked on one of her projects – oil paintings and re-finishing antique furniture. She talked about wanting to renovate the basement and do some landscaping in the yard. I nodded along for the most part in my bundled-up spot on the chaise lounge.

I had closed my eyes for a little while, and when I opened them, I found Esme watching me. Carlisle had taken my phone and set it somewhere to charge, and since I wasn't supposed to be using screens, I'd lost track of it. I wasn't allowed to read, either, so napping and chatting were all I looked forward to.

“What? Was I snoring?”

Esme rolled her eyes, flicking her caramel locks over her shoulder. “No. I was just thinking about painting you.”

I tried to make a sexy pose while wrapped up in the blankets. “Paint me like one of your French girls?”

Esme threw her head back and laughed, setting her paints aside to come over to me, sitting down beside me so she could kiss me with her cool lips, kiss me over and over until I was out of breath.

“Stay with me, Deirdre,” she murmured, an inch away from my face. She held my face in her hands, and her eyes searched mine.

“I’m right here,” I breathed, greedily gasping for air while hoping we would continue making out.

“I mean resign, silly girl. Stay with me. Help me renovate, landscape, help me fulfill my art commissions. We have the money for you to stop working, and you’d be so much safer and happier at home.”

Her eyes glowed gold as she talked, and I felt like I was being sucked into a trance.

“I can’t just quit.” I said as she pulled apart my blanket burrito, her chilly hands slipping under my shirt and up my back until she could pull me up.

“Yes, you can. I’ve talked it over with Carlisle—we can deposit a lump sum into your account to start, just to ease your heart—I know how stressful it can feel to financially rely on someone. It should last you long beyond feeling comfortable working with me. You’ll move in, of course, and Carlisle’s already sent for a card for you so you can use the joint bank account and the credit card. We’ll pay off whatever rent you have left with Lucy, and we can move your things in on the weekend.”

I felt dizzy. With her hands on me, it was hard to form coherent thoughts. “I… that’s really nice, but it’s a bit fast, don’t you think?”

“No, I don’t. You are not going back to work—end of discussion.”

“Not end of discussion,” I insisted, shaking my head. “I love you and Carlisle, but this is too fast. I need more time.”

“Dee, you know how dangerous it is.” Her hand moved around my head, ghosting over the bump on the back of my skull. “You’ll be much safer working with me,” Esme said.

“It’s not that dangerous. Besides, Carlisle and Fitz are working on it.”

“Not fast enough.”

“I’ll be more careful,” I said, starting to panic as her arms snaked around me like two lean boa constrictors. She lifted me onto my tiptoes and nuzzled at my neck until my throat was fully exposed. She took the opportunity to kiss up and down my neck before sucking on one spot, making me shriek. She pulled away, letting my stand on my full feet as I panted and moved a hand to feel the skin.

“Did you just give me a hickey?” I asked incredulously.

Esme sighed happily against my neck. “Yes. You make the most beautiful sounds.”

I could feel my blush from my cheeks to my toes. My fingers combed through her soft curls before I even registered I was doing it. “Esme, you’re changing the subject.”

“I am not,” Esme insisted, cold hands working at the knots in my shoulder. “I told you the discussion is over. Carlisle’s typed up a resignation letter, and he’ll drop it off once you’ve signed it.”

“I’m not quitting my job.” I said firmly.

Her gaze analysed my face for a minute. She frowned, her eyes becoming glassy and sad. “We just want to keep you safe. Is that such an abhorrent desire?”

I frowned, feeling a bit guilty. “Surely I don’t need to quit my job, though.” I mumbled.

Esme sighed and shook her head. “You’re fragile, Deirdre. You’re short, you’re soft,” she pressed on my tummy, “and sweet,” she kissed my neck, “and innocent.” She pulled me to the chaise lounge so I was straddling her lap as she held my hips. “You’re too shy to make a scene and you’ve got dangerous people who want to hurt you. Tell me again why you think it’s a good idea to leave you vulnerable.”

 In that moment, I couldn’t think of any good defence.

“Have you talked to Carlisle about me working with you?”

Esme grinned, sensing victory. “Of course. It’ll be wonderful to be available whenever he’s done work, to be able to take days off when he gets time.”

“And you know I don’t know how to build stuff or garden, right?”

“I know. But you’re good at following orders, aren’t you, Deirdre?”

She got me there. I nodded, a little ashamed, and she beamed.

“Good. I know this is hard, but I’m so proud of you.” She leaned in to reward me with another kiss, her free hand rubbing my thigh.

“Sweet one, what are you doing?”

I shook my head and looked up to find Carlisle looking down at me. He squatted down to be at my level.

“I don’t know as much as Esme does about gardening, but I believe you actually have to put the bulb in the hole in order for it to grow in the spring.”

I looked down at my hands. I was holding the bulb, the hole I’d made with the trowel sitting empty.

“Oh. Yeah.”

I placed the bulb in and began to fill the hole. Carlisle sighed and took a seat beside me.

“Deirdre. Look at me when we’re talking, please.”

I took off the gardening gloves and wiped my sweaty hands on my sweatpants before meeting his gaze.

“That’s better," he said. His voice was always so quiet and smooth, and in turn I unconsciously matched his volume and tone. “Esme told me you agreed.”

I nodded, looking over to the garden before he pulled my chin back to get my gaze on him.

“Thank you for trusting us. I know that’s hard for you.”

“I still don’t think this is necessary.” I admitted.

“Maybe it is. Maybe it isn’t. Maybe if the nurses were just a bit further away, that resident would’ve had the chance to kill you. Esme and I don’t want to risk it. Do you?”

“I guess not.” I said quietly. It was hard to look him in the eye the whole time.

“Give it some time. Change is scary, but in a few weeks you’ll feel better, I promise. You can sign the resignation in the morning, and I will deal with the rest.”

I nodded along, and he leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

“Finish those last two bulbs and come inside. I’ve got to shower, but dinner’s almost ready.”

“Okay,” I said, moving back to the nearly empty basket to fish out one of the remaining bulbs.

Dinner was beef stew and freshly baked bread. Carlisle and Esme ate mechanically, and I tried not to look like a weirdo by ripping by bread and dunking it.

“This is really yummy,” I said, trying not to gasp for breath after shoveling it down. My appetite was starting to come back. Esme ladled me another bowl and placed a piece of bread by my plate.

“Good. Eat up.” She insisted.

“You don’t like it?”

She shrugged. I glanced to Carlisle. “I like it too.” Carlisle said, but his words sounded empty.

“Alice and Jasper were thinking of coming down on Friday,” Esme said, changing the subject. “Jasper will have a truck, and I bet we could move you in a trip or two, Deirdre.”

“Where are they going to stay?”

Esme gave me a strange look. “Here.”

“But you don’t have a spare room. Do you have an inflatable mattress?”

Esme and Carlisle exchanged a look. “I guess we should buy one,” Carlisle conceded.

“We can run that errand tomorrow.” Esme said, glancing at me. I nodded.

“Are we sure having them down this weekend is the best idea?” Carlisle asked Esme.

“Alice said it’ll be good,” Esme said, which I thought was an odd comment to make.

“I don’t mind them coming,” I offered. Although I did—I was still reeling from agreeing to give up my source of income and move in after knowing the Belizaires for a few weeks.

“Alice is hoping we go shopping in the town over. Apparently, the thrift shopping there is quite good.” Esme said.

I perked up. “I like thrift shopping.” It was usually the only type of shopping I could afford.

Carlisle smiled. “Alice will be overjoyed. There’s a good little bookstore there too, and some nice walking trails. We’ll see what you have energy for, Deirdre.”

Esme asked Carlisle about work, and he told us in great detail about the orange Jell-O revolt. I tried not to snort my soup at him, but I did choke on my bread a little.

We cleaned up and retired to the living room, where Esme continued to embroider a delicate and intricate design of a bird on an embroidery hoop, while Carlisle read through a medical journal, occasionally writing notes in the margins. I curled up with my head on his thigh, and every now and then he would pet my hair.

See, that’s the thing. Rationally, I knew that quitting my job and moving in with a married couple was a terrible idea. On the other hand, the emotional and physical comfort Carlisle and Esme provided was unprecedented in my life.

I dozed on and off until Esme picked me up and carried me to the bedroom.

“You’re strong,” I mumbled as she placed me down on the pillows.

“I know, sweetheart.” Esme said. “All the better to carry you.”

I sleepily reached up a hand to her cheek. It felt cold, in the way that room temperature water feels chilly.

“I love you, Deirdre.” Esme whispered. Before I could say anything, she leaned down and kissed me until I felt like a puddle of goo. Carlisle chuckled and shook his head at us, crawling under the covers before turning out the light.

The next morning, I woke up to Esme scrolling through her phone. She was the definition of beauty, her caramel locks smooth and luscious, nary a flyaway to be seen. The delicate pink of her silk pyjamas made my mouth water, and she smiled when she noticed I had woken up. It made my heart flutter.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Esme cooed.

“Hey, that’s my line.”

Esme laughed, moving over to kiss me until I was breathless.

“Breathe, Deedee,” she reminded me, her golden-brown eyes glittering with amusement. “Good thing Carlisle’s not here, or he’d admonish me for bringing you to the brink of fainting.”

“Where is he?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. I was having second thoughts about full-on quitting. Maybe I could reduce my shifts for a little while, see how the safety changes panned out.

“He’s at work, honey.”

I frowned. “But he wanted to hand in my resignation today.”

“And he did. He handed it in for you first thing this morning.”

I sat up straight. “What? But I didn’t sign it!”

Esme looked almost...guilty? for a moment. “You did, Deirdre. This morning, before he left.”

“No, I didn’t,” I insisted.

“Deirdre, I watched you sign it. Are you feeling alright?”

Esme followed me as I jumped out of bed.

“I didn’t sign it, I didn’t,” I maintained, eying her suspiciously.

Esme’s expression changed. “It’s natural to feel a bit of remorse. New things are scary.”

“I didn’t sign it!” I yelled, backing away from her as she stepped towards me. She froze where she was, her eyes flitting over me.

“Okay, Deirdre.” Esme said softly. She sat on the edge of the bed, holding out her hand to me.

“I didn’t sign it,” I murmured. But had I? Was I really so tired I didn’t remember waking up? Was this part of the concussion?

“Okay, Deirdre. It’s okay,” Esme murmured, wiggling her fingers on her outstretched hand. I took her hand, and she reeled me in until I was curled up on her lap. She smelled like soap and sweetness.

“I don’t remember signing it,” I whispered.

“Well, Carlisle’s shift started at five, so he probably woke you up for it around 4:30. I don’t blame you for not remembering.” Her fingernails gently scratched my scalp and I let out a content sigh. “That’s better. Good girl.”

Esme and I sat together for another few minutes. I tried to get up twice to retreat to the bathroom to be alone with my feelings, but Esme’s strong arms reeled me back in each time, her sweet words a siren song I couldn’t resist.

Chapter Text

Chapter 10: Arrogated

When Carlisle pulled into the driveway, I bolted from the living room and rushed down the steps to meet him in the driveway. He looked confused as I wrapped my arms around him and laughed.

“Save me, Carlisle!”

Esme’s laugh tolled from inside the house.

Carlisle raised a brow at me, then leaned down to hitch me onto his waist as he carried me in.

“No!” I shrieked, laughing so hard I could barely breathe. He kicked off his shoes, dropped his briefcase by the door, and closed the door with his foot. He placed me down in the kitchen, where Esme had the table set.

“Deirdre’s never had fish before, and she’s acting like I’m torturing her.” Esme explained.

“Fish is good for you, Deirdre,” Carlisle tried to say firmly, but he couldn’t keep his composure as I sat on the floor, wiping my tears, and desperately trying to breathe. He patted my head, grinning at his wife. “I’m just going to shower and change,” he said, giving Esme a peck on the cheek and smiling at me fondly before disappearing down the hall.

“Carlisle’s going to make me try fish,” I predicted.

“Fish is good for you, Deirdre,” Esme echoed him, walking over to help me stand up. I had narrowly escaped with my life only minutes ago when Esme asked for a taste tester for the fried halibut she was making.

“I’ve survived this long without it,” I said, letting out a sigh as I relaxed at my spot at the table and sipped my cup of water. I did feel a bit nervous as Esme flitted around the kitchen, bringing bowls of different things to the table. The prospect of trying a new food was weird as an adult. I mean, I'd eaten canned tuna as a child, but nothing remotely fish shaped.

I listened for the shower, waiting expectantly once it turned off. Within a minute or two, Carlisle emerged, smelling like aftershave and freshness.

“What’s so good about fish, anyway?” I asked. He walked over to me, and I let my head rest against his side, while his arm went around me.

“Fish is a low-fat, high-quality protein brimming with omega-3 fatty acids and vitamins such as D and B2. It’s also rich in calcium and phosphorus, not to mention an excellent source of minerals, such as iron, zinc, iodine, magnesium, and potassium.”

Esme brought over the pieces of fried fish, setting one piece on each plate.

“Two bites,” said Carlisle. “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it after that.”

“I’m not a baby,” I said, pouting at my food.

“This apparently makes it better,” Esme said, passing what I assumed to be tartar sauce.

“Apparently?”

She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me either way.”

Huh. I wondered if they ate a lot of fish. I’d have to start getting a few things in the food rotation.

Esme described the errands we ran in great detail (Home Depot, Marshall’s, the bank, a grocery store, the food bank to drop off food, then home).

“Deirdre insisted we get a queen-sized air mattress for Alice and Jasper. Apparently, the double would’ve been too small,” Esme said, just as amused as she’d been when we were in the store.

“A double is too small,” I insisted. “Everyone rolls off the ends of the air mattress, so you need a little extra room.”

“I’m sure Alice and Jasper will appreciate that,” Carlisle said with a smile. He shared his glance with his wife, some unspoken joke I wasn’t included in.

“Would you like me to cut it for you?” Esme asked as I stared at my fish.

“I think I can handle it,” I told her, trying to sound more confident than I felt. I cut off two squares from the chunk, dipping it in a little tartar sauce before putting it in my mouth.

Esme watched me as I chewed.

“What do you think?” she asked as I swallowed.

“It’s different. Not bad. Tastes like a lake.”

Carlisle chuckled before mechanically taking a forkful of his own fish.

I ate my apparently required second bite before dipping into the bread and salad. Carlisle set his cutlery aside neatly and detailed his day while Esme and I ate. A nurse and a PSW had both been injured in the last two days in the Long-Term Care wing of the hospital, and apparently Fitz was freaking out.

Esme shook her head and looked at me sadly. “I’m glad you made the right choice, sweetheart. I don’t think I could stand it wondering if you would be okay at work every day.”

It’s a bit generous to say that I made the right choice, but okay. I nodded along with her, then asked a bit more about Alice and Jasper. They would be arriving tomorrow afternoon and staying from Friday night to Monday. Saturday would be spent moving me out of my apartment and fully into the Belizaire’s house. Sunday morning, Carlisle would be going hunting with Jasper while Alice, Esme, and I went thrift shopping. Apparently, we would meet for late lunch, maybe go for a walk, then return home for the evening, where I would be tortured treated to a spa night. Monday morning would feature brunch and a chat before they headed out to visit other friends in the area.

“Do we need to clear room in the freezer?” I asked Carlisle. He looked at me blankly. “For whatever you, um, get while hunting?” I explained. Shoot and kill seemed so incongruent with my understanding of Carlisle.

“Oh. I suppose. Just a little bit of room. For the grouse. If we catch any.”

“Good idea, DeeDee,” Esme said. Did that not occur to her either?

Carlisle took the dishes away from the table while I packaged up the extra food as his lunch for tomorrow.

We settled down in the living room after dinner, Esme and I on the floor and Carlisle on the sofa. Esme was painting a delicate scene of a tropical island at sunset, and I watched her, fascinated. Carlisle picked up another medical journal and he was completely engrossed in it. Every now and then he would hum disapprovingly, but when he really disagreed, he would tap his foot, practically glaring at the paper while scribbling in the margins. After the third foot tap in a minute, I put my hand on his foot and squeezed. His eyes flicked over to me and softened.

“Are the researchers drawing wild conclusions or something?” I asked. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“It’s not even quantifiably relevant.” He grumbled, sighing again before he pinched his nose. “What’s more, they didn’t take into consideration numerous variables. The conclusions are wild and based on nearly nothing.”

“You should write them a strongly worded letter,” I suggested.

He cracked a smile.

“Or one of those letters where you talk smack, but you never send it. Just so you feel better.”

He leaned down and kissed my temple. “I may have to.”

I leapt up. “I’ll get you paper!”

He laughed at my enthusiasm. Esme had shown me where everything was in the basement workshop, and I gleefully hurried down the stairs. I returned with a pen and a pad of paper, curling up beside him while he penned page after page in ornate cursive. I pressed my head to his arm while he wrote, just enjoying being beside him, when it hit me.

I couldn’t hear his heartbeat. I mean, my ear was pressed against his arm. I should be able to hear it, right?

I put a hand on his chest just as Esme’s phone lit up.

“It’s Alice,” she said, standing up from her watercolour painting to take the call.

“What are you doing, Deirdre?” Carlisle asked, his face amused before it shifted to concern. Esme was very still as she took the short call.

“Everything alright?” I asked Esme, as Carlisle gently peeled my hand from his chest.

“Oh yes. Just last-minute things.” She said airily. She stood and looked at Carlisle and I for a long minute, before sitting down.

“I can’t hear your heartbeat, or feel it.” I said quietly to Carlisle. “Do we need to call an ambulance?”

“It’s the circulation issue,” Carlisle assured me. “I promise I’m just fine, Deirdre.”

I let out a little breath. “Okay. Good.”

He patted my cheek lightly, then offered me a pillow to lay my head on. He pulled apart my braid and combed through my hair with his fingers, pausing every now and then to jot something down.

Esme set down the phone and resumed her painting.

“Y’okay, Es?” I murmured, feeling a bit sleepy after Carlisle’s ministrations.

“I’m perfectly fine,” she said. I didn’t believe her. Our eyes kept meeting, and eventually I stuck out my hand. She got up and walked around the coffee table, sinking to sit on the floor in front of Carlisle and I.

“You’re acting strangely,” I told her, holding her cold hand in mine.

“Sorry.” Esme said, wincing. “I suppose I’m a little anxious about Alice and Jasper visiting.”

My heart sank a little. “I can stay at my apartment over the weekend, it’s no problem.”

“Yes, that would be a problem.” Esme said, tapping my nose with her index finger. “You’re staying right here with us.”

“Where you belong,” Carlisle murmured. I could feel my cheeks heat up, and Esme chuckled and made exaggerated, loud kisses on my cheek until my composure cracked and I laughed.

I don’t know when I fell asleep, but I woke up in bed. The lights were off, Esme was breathing in my ear, and her leg was thrown over mine. I felt terror like I’ve only felt a few times in my life, and I clenched my teeth to stop a scream from ripping through my lips.

“Kitten?” Esme murmured, her hand patting my tummy. “What’s wrong?”

“I need to pee,” I lied, scrambling off the bed. Esme sat up, but my jittery legs were already rushing to the window to make sure it was locked.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Esme said. I heard soft footsteps follow me out to hallway. The front door was locked, but not latched. I tried twice to latch it before a hand reached out and set the little cylinder into the notch before sliding it to the side.

“The doors and windows are locked, little one.” Carlisle said into my ear.

“The door wasn’t latched,” I said, moving to the living room to check those windows.

Carlisle trailed after me as I moved from room to room before going downstairs to the basement. He watched me climb onto a box in order to check the small basement window, which was also locked.

“Better?” he asked.

I sagged a little, nodding. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”

He shook his head and held his arms out for me. “We will always keep you safe, Deirdre. You have my word on that.”

His embrace was strong, but comforting, and if I’m being honest the smell of him was comforting too.

“Let’s go back to bed, my love.”

I think my brain malfunctioned when he said my love. He picked me up and carried me back to bed, where Esme curled back around me and sighed happily into my neck. Carlisle even moved a little closer, holding my hand as I fell back asleep.

When I woke up in the morning, Esme was quietly making room for me in the walk-in closet. She had procured a dresser, seemingly out of nowhere, and had made some room for clothes to hang as well.

“Also,” she said, “I’ve been waiting to give you this. Carlisle wanted to wait, since you weren’t supposed to be reading right after you were injured at work.”

She pulled a big box down from a high shelf and brought it over to the bed.

“I’ll let you take a little look and put some of your things away. Meet me downstairs when you’re ready.”

It was the first time in days that I’d been alone, other than going to the bathroom. I opened the box and began to unpack the contents onto the bed. There were other wrapped boxes—I pulled them out and set them aside. Next was a hefty stack of books. I looked at each one before setting it down. The first was Attached by Amir Levine, M.D., and Rachel Heller, M.A. about adult attachment styles in relationships. The next made me blush: Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships by Stella Harris. As much as I blushed, I almost started skimming it before deciding I needed to unpack everything. The third book was Daring Greatly by Brené Brown. The last was Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern. I was sensing a bit of a theme.

At the bottom of the box was a large watercolour palette, a matching pad of paper, and a few new brushes. I admired the quality of each item, daydreaming about painting while sitting in the Belizaire’s living room. I guess it was soon to be our living room.

At last, there was nothing left to do but open the other little packages. Two of them were soft, and while they made me blush and twist my tummy in a delicious way, I was not surprised to find lingerie in both packages. One held a dusty pink teddy, mesh with beautiful flower embroidery. The second was dark pink bra and panty set, the material softer than I thought possible for lace.

I carefully re-wrapped the garments, deciding to sneak them into the laundry and then hide them in the bottom drawer. I wondered if Carlisle had seen the lingerie—maybe even picked it out?

The next package was a box, and to my embarrassment contained a fancy vibrator. Was this some sort of consolation prize? Sorry, no sex with Carlisle until marriage, but you can get yourself off? When was I even supposed to use this thing? I wrapped it back up and decided it would also go in the drawer.

The last package was also a box, this time smaller but still quite heavy. My breath caught as I unwrapped a flat, black velvet jewelry box. With clammy hands, I pried it open to reveal a delicate silver bracelet featuring a small, round crest. It had to be half the size of a dime, but as I examined it, I could see a lion with a hand over it, three clover-looking symbols at the bottom.

Under the bracelet was a note. I pulled it out gently, as if I didn’t want to disturb the bracelet.

In handwriting that reminded me of the Declaration of Independence were some instructions:

Please wear this bracelet as a token of our love and protection of you. It would please us greatly if you would wear it everyday.

With love,

C&E

My brain glitched as I read the note over and over again. A part of me was a bit weirded out by the protection part of the note. Another part of me was relieved the box hadn’t contained an engagement ring.

I thought about what Carlisle had said late last night, and I pulled the bracelet out and fiddled with it until it attached to my wrist.

Uh oh. I like it. A lot.

I put away the assorted gifts and went to find Esme. Unsurprisingly, she was at work in the basement.

When she turned from her easel, a smile broke across her face.

“I was hoping you’d wear it,” she said, kissing my wrist and pulling me to her so that I stood between her legs. “Although I was hoping maybe another present would make an appearance as well.” She said, a glint in her eye.

“Which one? The lingerie or the vibrator?”

“Mm,” she pulled my chin down and moved me to have access to my neck. “Yes.”

I shivered as she kissed from my ear to my collar bone. I was still in a dingy old shirt I used for pyjamas, and she took advantage of that fact to slip her cold hands underneath.

I let out a little squeak, and she picked me up. I expected to be dropped on the chaise, but sooner than I thought possible, she was dropping me on the bed.

“How?” I asked.

She didn’t answer, her hands moving over every inch of available skin. “Tell me you want this, Deirdre.”

The sensation was overwhelming. “Please, Esme.”

About a half an hour later, Esme drew me a bath and helped me into it, taking a shower while I soaked. The warm water felt uncomfortable when I already felt so warm and didn’t have Esme to cool me down.

I got out before she did, wrapping myself in a fluffy towel and checking out the hickeys all over my neck in the bathroom mirror.

“Sorry, sweet one. I think I got a little carried away.” Esme said, emerging from the shower and wrapping herself in a towel. She kissed my neck gently this time, her arms moving around me to give me a little squeeze.

“I didn’t mind,” I said, moving my head to the side to give her better kissing access. She laughed into my shoulder.

“Mm. You’re so wonderful. You complete Carlisle and me, you know that?”

I could feel my cheeks turning red. “I love you.”

I could see in the mirror her eyes widen a fraction before she spun me around and kissed me.

She kissed me over and over. “I love you too. And Carlisle loves you too.”

I wrapped my arms around her neck, more for support than anything else.

“Don’t pass out, little duckling.” She said with a laugh, her arms going around my waist to support me.

“This doesn’t feel real,” I said airily.

“It’s very, very real. Would you like to do it all again, just to double check?”

I shivered and she laughed, her hand moving to comb through my hair with my fingers.

“We’d better go grocery shopping if we want to be back in time for Alice and Jasper’s arrival.”

I sighed, and Esme smiled, shaking her head at me.

“Can I brush your hair?” I asked.

Esme’s eyes glowed. “As long as I can brush yours after.”

I brushed and dried Esme’s soft caramel locks before coaxing them into a Gibson tuck. Esme gave me two French braids in return, and I practically fell asleep in her hands.

I dug some clean jeans and a turtleneck out of my drawers in the closet, pretending I didn’t hear Esme chuckle to herself as I tried to cover up the dozen or so hickeys blooming on my neck.

“Why are you hiding all my marks?” she teased, folding the collar of my turtleneck in half. “I worked hard on those; you know.”

“I just don’t want people to gossip in town,” I said.

Esme tsked. “They’ll always gossip. Besides, I’m not ashamed. Are you?”

“No,” I said, although perhaps that wasn’t quite true. I didn’t want anyone to hassle us, or give Carlisle a hard time at the hospital.

“Good.” She leaned in and gave me a quick peck. “Now let’s go, before I pull you back to bed.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 11: Pervicarious

Esme and I carried in the groceries. She put away the pantry items while I put away the items for the fridge and freezer, being careful to leave room for a hypothetical grouse.

“I’ve got the recipe saved on my phone,” I said. “I can set all the ingredients out and make it when they get here.”

I paused, then spun to Esme. “I don’t know where my phone is.”

She froze. “Mm. Could it be in your bag?”

“I haven’t seen it…” I trailed off, before leaving the kitchen to dig through my bag, my work bag, the bag I packed at home…

I made my way back to the kitchen. “Can I borrow your phone?”

Esme nodded, unlocking her phone before handing it to me. I typed in my phone number and clicked dial.

Esme stood up. “What are you doing?” she asked as my phone began to ring in the distance.

“Looking for my phone,” I clarified. The ringing got louder as I approached the basement door.

“Oh, I think I plugged it in downstairs,” Esme said quickly. We walked down the stairs, Esme scrambling in front of me before rushing over to the large wooden desk. She pulled my phone out of the drawer, declining the call before checking something. Her shoulders relaxed, and she handed the phone back to me. I returned her phone, then opened mine.

No notifications. Not even Pinterest. I looked at her.

“You’ve been going through my phone.”

“I didn’t want the notifications to overwhelm you when you got it back.”

“And when were you going to give it back?” I asked, crossing my now shaking arms across my chest.

“Deirdre, don’t look at me like that. Carlisle cleared you this morning to read and have screens again.”

“How did you get my password?”

“Your birth year isn’t exactly a secure password, sweetheart.” Esme chuckled. She moved towards me, but I stepped back.

“I really don’t like that you went through my phone.” I said, clenching my jaw so my teeth wouldn’t chatter.

“It wasn’t with malicious intent, DeeDee.” Esme said, her eyes becoming sad. “Carlisle and I have each other’s passwords. We don’t have secrets from each other.”

I didn’t know what to say. I was just so upset, and all the trust I’d put in Esme felt a little misplaced.

“I think I should spend the night at my apartment.”

“No!” she said, rushing towards me faster than I could back away. Her face scrunched up like she was going to cry, and she held my shoulders to keep me from getting away. “Please, Deirdre. I’m sorry. I just wanted to make sure Lucy wasn’t going to bother you, that’s all. The long-term care wing is falling apart, and it’s the worst place you could be right now. I’m so sorry I pried, honey, but I want you to be safe. I love you, remember? Remember this morning? Everything is going to be alright, Deirdre. Please say you forgive me.”

I tried to pull away, but her grip was ironclad. “Esme, you’re hurting me,” I whimpered.

“Stop struggling, kitten. You’re going to bruise yourself.”

She wasn’t looking at me anymore. She was looking up and away, her expression pained. I tried to pull at her hands with no results.

“I’m just trying to protect you,” she murmured, still looking away from me like she was listening to something happening upstairs.

“Let me go, Esme. You’re scaring me.”

“You’re staying here tonight.” Esme stated, her hands moving almost instantly from my shoulders to my cheeks. I gasped, my eyes fluttering shut in reaction to the quick movements. Slowly, second by seconds, I could feel the sleeping part of me, the part that knew how to stay safe, dust itself off and settle into the command centre of my brain.

“Okay,” I murmured. Esme’s eyes flicked to mine, her golden eyes darker than usual.

“Tell me you forgive me.” She insisted.

“I forgive you.”

“Tell me you still love me.”

“I love you.”

She pulled me into her arms, hugging me to her chest before rocking me lightly from side to side. She kissed my cheek twice, one hand smoothing over my braids.

“I love you, and Carlisle loves you, and you’re going to stay here with us. And we will protect you and take care of you, and you will be safe and happy, and you will be our sweet love. Yes?”

“Yes,” I mumbled into her shoulder.

“I know you must think I’m selfish keeping you cooped up with Carlisle and I, but it’s for your own safety. Besides, the only person you’re missing is Lucy. You don’t like anyone else from the hospital, and you’re too shy and anxious to make other friends. I bet living with me and Carlisle, you’ve talked to us more than you’d talk to Lucy in a month anyway, right?”

“Mhm.”

“And you crave physical affect. I think anyone can see that from a mile away. Carlisle does what he can feel comfortable with, but I do a good job, don’t I?”

“Yes,” I whispered, setting my head against her shoulder. She practically purred.

“You’ll never have to be lonely again, Deirdre. Carlisle and I will always be there for you.”

“Okay.” I whispered. She patted my back.

“I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“It’s okay.” I said quietly.

There was a knock at the door. Esme wiped the tears off my cheeks and pulled me upstairs with her.

“Esme!”

A petite girl with short, jagged black hair hopped over the threshold and embraced Esme. Esme then moved to the man that trailed behind, a tall man with curly blond hair.

The girl, who I knew had to be Alice, grinned at me.

“You’re even cuter that I thought!”

The girl gave me a hug that made me stumbled back into the wall. I heard her breathe in deeply.

“You even smell nice! Like sunshine and rosewater.”

“I… thank you?” My brain felt like it was glitching.

“Come, let’s talk!” Alice exclaimed, taking my hand and dragging me to the bedroom authoritatively. She, like Esme and Carlisle, was significantly stronger than she looked.

“Alright, let’s see what we’re dealing with,” Alice said, disappearing into the closet.

“W-wait! What are you doing?”

She pulled the drawers open, rummaging through my things with little sighs. She came across the lingerie and I thought I was going to die.

“This is cute!” She said.

“Carlisle or Esme bought it.” I said quietly, holding onto the door frame. Alice’s eyes were the same odd colour as Carlisle and Esme’s—an unsettling, bright topaz.

“We should find you some more things like this. I mean, I know Esme will love it, but it’ll give Carlisle the kick in the pants to propose and get it over with. He’s such a prude before marriage, but after…” Alice wiggled her eyebrows.

“I think I’m fine in the underwear department, actually,” I replied airily. Where had Esme gone? Although I was glad Jasper hadn’t waltzed in while Alice examined my new panties.

“It’s not the same as underwear. Oh! And you’ll need some cute pyjamas and some swimsuits.”

I gave her a look. “Swimsuits?”

“Oops. I’ll let them tell you.”

There was a soft knock on the open door—Esme.

“I’m going to start on dinner with my recipe, okay kitten?”

“Okay,” I agreed, leaning against the door frame to the closet while Alice refolded and put away my clothes. Esme walked over, looked at what Alice was doing, then squatted down to give me a gentle kiss. From the crease in her brow, I could tell our argument earlier was still plaguing her like it was me.

Alice waited until Esme was gone before leaning against my dresser, her legs criss-crossed. Her bright eyes assessed me. “So, how’s it going dating Carlisle and Esme?”

I didn’t know what to say. Certainly not the truth. “It’s nice,” I said, rubbing my eyes and willing myself to be more alert.

“They’re over the moon about you, you know.” Alice said, matter-of-factly. “It’s nice to see Esme so happy. We went through a few rough years as a family, and it’s been a while since she’s been so carefree.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.

“Do you want to talk about whatever happened before Jasper and I got here?” she asked slowly.

“It’s nothing,” I lied. Alice raised a brow at me. “Fine. Esme’s just been… a bit overprotective today. It’s freaked me out.”

Alice nodded, a small smile on her face. “Esme’s the kindest, most loving person in the world, but she’s been through some things and she can be… a bit uptight, if she thinks something could happen to you. Does that sound about right?”

“Yeah,” I said, letting out a sigh. “I’m just uptight in the opposite direction, I guess. The more protective she gets, the more I want to escape.”

“Well, there’s no where to escape to,” Alice said cheerily, popping up to stand. “You’re in good hands with Carlisle and Esme. Speaking of, let’s see if Carlisle’s home yet.”

I didn’t move, even though Alice moved around me. “Carlisle always showers when he gets home, so he’ll come in here anyway,” I said, leaning back against the door frame. Bickering with Esme had wiped me out.

As if on queue, Carlisle entered the bedroom, greeting Alice and giving her a hug while casting me a worried glance. He dismissed her from the room before walking over to me.

“Let me have a quick shower, then we can talk.” He said simply. I shook my head, but he doubled down. “Yes we will. Now, why don’t you lay down on the bed and rest for a few minutes?”

“I might fall asleep,” I mumbled.

“You probably need the sleep, little one. Shall I carry you to the bed?”

I rolled onto my knees and stood up, Carlisle taking my arm to steady me. “I’m okay.”

“You’re certainly not yourself, Deirdre.” He said, guiding me to the bed and pushing me onto it. “I’ll be right back, kitten.”

I felt much too warm to get under the covers, so I settled by hugging a pillow on my lap and scrolling through my phone brainlessly until Carlisle emerged from the bathroom, his hair dripping onto a clean t-shirt. He wore jeans as well, looking younger than I’d ever seen him.

“Oh, little one,” he said, sighing as he crawled onto the bed to sit beside me, an arm snaking around my side. “What’s happened today that’s got you feeling so low?” he asked gently. His fingers trailed over the bracelet I’d put on this morning, and my lip quivered.

“Deirdre, please don’t leave me in suspense.”

“Esme and I had an argument today,” I said, studying his socked feet. “I said I don’t want to move out of my apartment, and she got really upset.”

Carlisle tilted my chin up so I was looking him in the eye. “Is that true?”

“It’s a bit true.” I said. “It’s not that I don’t trust you both, I’m just… scared.”

“You are a bit sensitive, sweet one. But we know that. I’m sure Esme’s forgiven and forgotten the whole thing already.”

His hand moved from my chin to my neck, his eyes analysing the hickeys decorating my neck.

“Looks like you two had some fun this morning,” Carlisle mused.

“Are you mad?” I asked, sinking myself into the pillows.

His brows twitched and he shook his head. “Of course not. You have needs, and Esme has needs. Did you enjoy it?”

I blushed and nodded. He smiled. “Esme will be happy to hear it.”

Carlisle caressed my face. “What do you think of Alice and Jasper?”

“Alice seems nice. She’s very talkative and forward.” I said, trying to gauge his expression for the next part. “She said your family’s had a rough couple of years.”

Carlisle winced, his eyes a bit sadder. “That’s been dealt with. It’s nothing for you to worry about, Deirdre.”

“Dinner!” Esme called from the kitchen.

I rubbed Carlisle’s jaw, amazed how smooth it was. “Can we talk about it sometime?”

“Yes. I promise. Now, let’s go have dinner.”

Dinner was fine. I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed by the taste of the chicken parm, thinking of my own recipe. Esme and Alice kept trying to draw me into conversation, but I was still a bit tired, and my thoughts kept drifting to nothingness as I ate.

“What are you thinking about?” Esme asked.

“Nothing,” I murmured.

Jasper chuckled to himself, before frowning and taking a bit of chicken.

“Nothing?” Esme clarified. I nodded, rubbing my eyes.

“I… think I need to lay down.” I admitted. Esme’s eyes flashed wide in horror.

“Are you warm? Carlisle?”

Carlisle pressed the back of his hand to my forehead. “Normal, but you can feel unwell without a fever. I’ll tidy the dishes, why don’t you go lay down in bed and I’ll check on you in a bit.”

“Okay,” I said, looking over to Alice and Jasper with a grimace. “Sorry.”

“No worries!” Alice assured. Jasper nodded in agreement, and I tucked in my chair before heading back to bed. I crawled into the pillows, pulling one close to hug while.

To my surprise, a few minutes later, Esme entered the room. She turned the lights off before moving over to the bed.

“Can I hold you for a while?” she asked quietly.

“Yes please,” I said tiredly, pawing at the shadows before connecting with her elbow and pulling her closer to me. She laid down, her arms and legs tangling with mine until we melted together.

“I’m sorry about today,” Esme whispered.

I froze. “Which part?” I asked, instantly thinking of all the things we’d done in bed this morning.

“About the phone,” she said.

I relaxed. “Oh yeah. That really freaked me out,” I said sleepily.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Esme promised. She kissed the back of my neck and I sighed.

“Things like that… just remind me how my parents got sucked into the cult, y’know? They made my parents quit their jobs, took their savings, sold our house, and made us move in with other families,” I murmured, trailing off as Esme’s hand slipped under my shirt, moving over my hip. “They took away my parent’s phones, and my sister and I couldn’t have phones either. We weren’t allowed to go on the internet at home, and we weren’t allowed to take books out of the library—it had to be from the cult library. We had weekly ‘family’ meetings, including the middle-aged man they wanted me to marry when I turned eighteen.”

I shivered, and Esme’s arms tightened around me, only relaxing when I did.

“What can I do to make you feel safe?” Esme asked, pressing kisses to my shoulder. I wiggled so I could be face-to-face with her, our noses bumping together. Her hand flashed out and rested on my jaw. She held my face still as she tilted her head to kiss me.

“Don’t hide my phone anymore,” I said as we pulled away.

“Alright,” she conceded.

The door creaked.

“How are my girls?” Carlisle’s smooth voice floated through the darkness.

“Better,” Esme said, a smile in her voice.

“Sleepy,” I murmured.

The light in the closet flicked on. Carlisle walked in, undressing. I put an arm over my eyes, as tempted as I was to see what lurked under Carlisle’s khakis.

“You’re so cute,” Esme said, pulling me closer. I felt her inhale deeply against my neck, then sigh happily.

“I’m sure Carlisle doesn’t want me peeking at him before marriage, as tempting as it is.”

“He’s worth the wait,” Esme said.

A pressure on the bed, and then a cold hand pressed against my forehead.

“A little warm,” Carlisle noted.

“That’s probably because I saw your bare shoulder,” I joked. Carlisle chucked, replacing his hand with his lips before laying down near me. I pawed in the dark until I found his arm, tracing my fingers downwards and then upwards to find his hand.

“I love you, Deirdre,” Carlisle murmured, kissing the back of my hand.

“I love you, too. And I love you too, Esme.”

“And I love you.”

Carlisle’s breath was cool and steady on the back of my hand, and then I was fast asleep.

I gasped and sat up in bed, scrambling over Esme towards the window.

“I locked up, kitten. Windows and doors and deadbolts, including the basement.” Carlisle promised. “Curtains are closed as well. Come back to bed, darling.”

“I just need to check,” I whispered back. A table lamp clicked on, and Carlisle rose out of bed.

I tentatively pulled back the curtain, half expecting to see a face grinning back at me. Nothing was there, of course, except Carlisle’s concerned reflection. I checked that the window was indeed locked before pulling back the curtains, being careful that there were no gaps.

“Alright,” Carlisle murmured, one arm going around my back before the other swept my legs out from under me.

“Hey!”

Carlisle brought me back to bed, where Esme accepted me back into her embrace. I tried to get up again, but she threw a leg over my hip and pulled me close.

“No, I need to check the doors,” I said, clawing at the bedsheets.

Carlisle got back into bed, caressing my cheek. “I told you it’s been done, Deedee. You are in the safest place in the world right now.”

“Please, please,” I whimpered. “I’ll be quick and quiet, I promise,” I whined.

“Your compulsion to check the windows and doors is not serving you, duckling. Remember our plan?” Carlisle asked.

“What plan?”

“If you woke up to check the windows, I would stop you and give you a sleep aid.”

I gave him a look.

His gaze looked almost guilty. “Don’t you remember? It’s okay if you don’t remember,” he said kindly.

“I don’t care! Let me go, Esme,” I could feel my throat burning as tears began to run down my face.

“You’re not going to check the windows and doors,” Carlisle said, gently but firmly. “Would you like some melatonin to help you sleep?”

“Esme,” I whimpered, clawing at her hands. My nails found no purchase.

“Sorry, sweetheart,”

“You just said you wanted me to feel safe!” I growled at her, wigging as little as I could and pushing away Carlisle’s approaching hand.

“This will make you feel better, long-term.” She reasoned.

I let out a cry of frustration, then remembered Alice and Jasper.

“Alice!” I yelled.

Carlisle sighed, casting me a slightly sad look. “I’m going to get you a glass of water and some diphenhydramine.”

Carlisle left the room. Esme’s arms prevented me from moving, but I got in a few screams before a hand went over my mouth.

Carlisle reappeared shortly with a glass of water and a pill. He looked at me sadly and asked Esme to help me sit up.

“I’m not taking that,” I said, grinding my teeth and narrowing my eyes at him.

“I know you’re upset with me right now, love. That’s okay—you’re a sensitive girl. Es and I will be strong for you, so you don’t have to be.”

I opened my mouth to say something rude in response, but Carlisle stuck his thumb between my molars and pressed the pill to the back of my throat, tipping in the water in a flurry of actions that made me cough and swallow the medicine without thinking.

“There, all done,” he said, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

“Fuck you,” I hissed.

“Deirdre,” Esme said, pinching my side.

“It’s okay, Esme.” Carlisle assured his wife. “I don’t enjoy restraining you, Deirdre, nor do I enjoy forcing you to take your medicine. I will do both, however, when it is necessary for your long-term happiness.”

“Oh my god, you’re both insane,” I said, before screaming for Alice again.

“Alice and Jasper know better than to meddle in the affairs of lovers, little one.” Carlisle said. His tone made me shiver, and the little part of my brain that kept me safe told me to simmer down.

“I think I’m going to throw up,” I mumbled.

“I can take you to the bathroom. If you throw up, you will be taking another pill.”

Esme pulled me down to lay beside her again, her arms loose around me. I turned in her arms, ducking my face into her neck to hide from Carlisle.

The table lamp turned off with a gentle click. Carlisle moved closer to me, sitting cross-legged, his knees touching my back. I wondered if he would wait for me to sleep before laying down again. His fingers brushed over my face, through my hair, and down my shoulder. I tried to relax and be still.

“I think you frightened her, darling.” Esme murmured.

“I know.” Carlisle whispered back sadly. “It had to be done, Es. Alice said it would only get worse with time.”

“Maybe we can put the pills with some vitamins for her to have with dinner, and we can retire earlier in the evening. Or have dinner later.”

“Mm. That’s something to consider. Jasper said he will help for dinner tomorrow and Sunday.”

Carlisle and Esme were quiet for a little while, and I thought we’d all fallen asleep.

“Did Jasper track down her family?”

I felt my fingers grab onto the fabric on Esme’s back. Everyone was quiet for a few minutes, save the sounds of slow breaths.

“Yes.” Carlisle answered her. “Alice and Jasper were able to visit the compound and talk to some of the members. Her father and John David are aware of her current location and are planning to bring her back. Her sister’s been married off to Henry, the man she mentioned before was part of the kidnapping. Jasper said John David’s intentions towards her were not loving, but sadistic.”

“I know you’re against taking lives, Carlisle, but the pain they’ve caused her really upsets me.” Esme said. I felt her lips press against my cheek, and I shivered involuntarily.

“Alice said it will come to an end soon enough. As long as we keep Deirdre with us for the next few months, things will sort themselves out favourably.”

Esme sighed. “When this is over, I want us to marry her and take her to Isle Esme and make love to her until we all tire.”

Carlisle chuckled quietly. “What a beautiful image. We’ll take her once this mess is sorted out, I promise.”

“And marry her, Carlisle. I know you’re patient, but she craves your affection. I can see it in her eyes.”

“I’ll have to let Emmett know he needs another tux.” Carlisle said, a hint of a smile in his words. He traced the shell of my ear with a cold finger.

“Lavender’s blue, dilly, dilly, lavender’s green,

When I am king, dilly, dilly, you shall be my queen;

Call up your men, dilly, dilly, set them to work,

Some to the plough, dilly, dilly, some to the cart;

Some to make hay dilly, dilly, some the thresh corn;

Whilst you and I, dilly, dilly, keep ourselves warm.”

Carlisle’s voice was soothing, even after the scare he’d given me. I found myself sighing and truly relaxing, the gentle tug of sleep pulling me away from my fear.

Chapter Text

Chapter 12: Disobedience

I woke up in Esme’s arms, feeling groggy and confused. She peppered my face with kisses, giggling at my expression.

“Good morning, sweet girl.” She cooed.

“Are we just going to pretend last night didn’t happen?” I asked, my throat sore from screaming.

Esme frowned, her golden eyes narrowing slightly. “We can, if you want to.”

“I don’t want to,” I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes, trying to convince myself to snap into action. “I’m gonna go shower,” I mumbled.

“Want me to join you?”

“Mm-mm.”

I locked the bathroom door for good measure, peeling off my sweaty pyjamas before losing myself under the delicious heat and water pressure of the shower. It also provided me with some of the clarity I’d been hoping for.

Somehow, someway, I was not going to stay in this situation. Maybe I could get a lock for the basement and sleep down there until Carlisle simmered down with his whole I’m-a-doctor-so-what-I-say-goes thing. First things first, I definitely needed a better phone password.

I got out of the shower, braiding my own hair before wrapping myself in a towel and unlocking the door.

Esme sat on the edge of the bed, which was now made. She had jeans and a baseball shirt on.

“Want me to re-braid your hair?”

“Hm? Oh, I’m okay.”

I slipped into the closet and closed the door, rummaging through my drawers for jeans, a tank top, and a crewneck sweater. I stuffed some socks in my pocket and re-emerged, finding Esme exactly where I’d left her.

“You’re upset about last night,” she stated, holding her arms out for me. When I got close enough, her hands went to my hips and reeled me in.

“Yes. It’s not an experience I’m aiming to recreate.” I admitted, temporarily distracted by the softness of her hair in my fingers. I twisted a lock around my index finger, admiring the slight differences in shades between the different strands.

“It’ll get easier, darling,” Esme promised, taking one of my hands to kiss my palm.

“I’m not doing that again. Carlisle really freaked me out.”

“I know that. And he knows it too. But Deirdre, we need to work through your compulsions—”

“It’s not a compulsion, it’s a safety measure,” I argued. “And I’m worried you don’t understand that.”

“Sweetheart, no one is going to hurt you when you’re with me or Carlisle.”

I shook my head at her. “They’re not good people, Es. And they don’t play by the rules. If one of you got hurt…”

I trailed off, my throat tightening. I’d never be able to forgive myself. I imagined telling Carlisle that Esme was gone, and then Esme that Carlisle…

“Duckling, don’t cry.” Esme whispered, pulling my face down so my lips met hers. The kiss was steady and more desperate than usual. Her hands held my jaw still so I couldn’t pull away. She didn’t release me until I made sounds of annoyance.

Esme and I looked at each other for a quiet minute.

“Es, I think this is moving faster than I’m comfortable with.”

Esme scanned me, and I could practically hear the gears turning in her brain. “Would you feel more comfortable if you kept your apartment for another month?” she asked softly.

“I think I’d feel better if I slept at my apartment most nights.” I said. She shook her head before I finished my statement.

“No, that’s not on the table.”

“It is on the table. I’m an adult, Esme. You can’t just tell me what to do, and neither can Carlisle.”

“What can’t I do?” Carlisle asked, walking into the room in dark jeans and a dark green rugby shirt.

I subconsciously moved a step away from Esme, but her hand snapped out and grabbed me by the waist of my jeans before I could move out of arm’s length.

“Deirdre said you can’t tell her what to do.”

I felt like she was tattling on me, and I found it hard to meet Carlisle’s gaze as he walked over to the bed and sat down, pulling me down so I was on his knee before he wrapped an arm around my waist.

Sitting in his lap, I felt frozen with fear and incredibly silly.

“Little one, tell me what’s wrong,” Carlisle murmured, his hand lightly squeezing my arm.

Alice peeked her cheerful head in the room. “Shall we wait for you in the truck?” she asked.

“Yes, Alice. We need a few minutes,” Esme said carefully.

Alice glanced at me, nodded, and disappeared.

“Talk to me, Deirdre. Please.”

I studied the carpet. Sooner or later, they would give up and we could leave. There was no use talking about it—Carlisle had made up his mind, Esme supported him, and the two of them seemed to be able to easily overpower me.

“Kitten, say something.” Esme whispered, her fingers trailing down my cheek.

Carlisle was quiet, but I could feel his eyes on me.

“We’ll talk about this when we get home, Deirdre.” Carlisle said, his voice mostly casual but with a hint of something that made me nauseous.

Alice and Jasper were indeed outside in a large black truck. Carlisle helped Esme in, then me, before climbing into the back himself.

Esme gave the instructions to get to my apartment. Alice turned around every minute or so to stare at me, then glance to Carlisle. I could feel him become increasingly tense beside me, and I wiggled closer to Esme until he took my hand.

Getting out of the truck, I didn’t feel right. I felt… like nothing. Like being in a dream, or being so tired I didn’t have emotions. I floated along as Esme led the charge to my apartment, Carlisle tugging me along, and Alice and Jasper bringing up the rear. Jasper carried with him three plastic tubs with lids, ostensibly for my belongings. I’d be shocked if my remaining possessions (other than the furniture, of course) filled one tub.

Esme opened the door, and a part of me wondered from where she had procured my keys.

Carlisle sat me down on my bed while Esme and Alice made quick work of my closet and chest of drawers.

I heard Lucy curse loudly. Alice froze, as did Esme.

“Girls, go put this in the trunk,” Carlisle said as I stood up, nearly falling before Carlisle steadied me. Alice and Esme practically ran out of the apartment, and I noticed Jasper was missing to as Carlisle set me down in the kitchen chair. Lucy was running her hand under the water, washing out the large cut on her palm.

“First aid kit?” Carlisle asked. She turned and glared at him.

“I can handle it, Dr. Belizaire.” She said coldly.

“Kit’s in the bathroom,” I murmured, feeling cold and… sharp? Focused?

Carlisle disappeared, and Lucy turned to me.

“Don’t leave with them,” she said. “I’m scared for you.”

I gave her a nod as Carlisle reappeared, looking frustrated.

“You need to leave,” Lucy said, taking a step to stand in front of me.

“We’ll be finished soon,” Carlisle insisted, “but I will leave the kit here for you if you prefer to take care of it yourself. Let’s go, Deirdre.”

I shook my head at him, and he looked pained.

“Deirdre, please. Let’s go.”

“I’m going to stay, Carlisle,” I whispered.

“Darling, please, let’s talk about this,” Carlisle murmured.

“Not right now.” Lucy said, and I blinked, snapping back to attention. “I’ll call 911 if you don’t leave.”

Carlisle was eerily still for a moment, looking over Lucy before turning back to me. “Duckling, I’ll bring your overnight bag for you. We can talk Monday, okay?”

I gave a little nod, and Lucy cleared her throat before pointing at the door.

Once Carlisle was gone, Lucy locked every door and window, sticking a chair under the door knob for good measure. I stayed seated, stunned at the events, until Lucy returned and made me help clean up her hand.

“I don’t know who that tall blond guy was, but he was giving me bad vibes,” Lucy said. “And as soon as you all arrived, I felt lethargic and scared. I’m worried for you, Deedee.”

“I don’t feel good,” I admitted, taping the gauze to her hand.

“Go lay down. I’m gonna order some pizza and we’ll talk.”

I nodded, wobbling down the hall to the bathroom where I fell to my knees and threw up.

Lucy brought my overnight bag to my room, along with a slice of pizza and a bottle of water.

“Want to talk about it?” she asked, setting the food on my bedside table.

“Everything was amazing, until yesterday,” I murmured, wiggling so I could prop myself up against my pillow. It wasn’t anywhere near as comfortable as the Belizaire’s bed. “Esme’s been amazing company. She’s so interesting, and she knows a ton about history, architecture, design, refurbishing antiques… She’s artistic, funny, affectionate, understanding…”

“Until yesterday?” Lucy prompted.

I winced. “Yeah. She, um, hid my phone and went through it, dismissing my notifications. She got upset when I found out and she kind of panicked.”

“And Carlisle?” Lucy asked. “What’s he been like?”

“Carlisle’s… a little more reserved than Esme. I mean, he’s not as touchy. His voice is so relaxing, and he always says such sweet things. He knows a lot about history too, and he’s always reading medical journals. He reads a ton, Lu, and sometimes he reads Esme and I to sleep. That’s the best,” I murmured, trailing off.

“And has he done anything creepy?” Lucy asked, her tone a bit frustrated.

“Well, he didn’t let me go around and check the windows and doors last night. And he made me take a sleeping pill. He said I’d agreed to it earlier in the day and we’d made it a plan.”

Lucy hummed. “Well, that’s pretty creepy, but it’s probably for the best on that one, Dee.” Lucy mused. “They just seem kind of creepy in general. Like they sucked you into their lives, then in a matter of days you had quit your job and moved in with them permanently.”

I picked a piece of pepperoni off of the pizza, chewing on it while Lucy formed her next thought.

“Do you think they’re part of that cult your family’s in? And they are supposed to come snag you back?”

I frowned, then shook my head. “No. My dad promised me to John-David. They wouldn’t let someone else take me.”

“I don’t know,” Lucy murmured. She patted my leg, standing up. “Anyway, I texted Fitz and let him know you’re on for a shift tomorrow.”

I blinked at her. “You got me my job back?”

“You’re welcome.” She said with a smile, although I wasn’t really sure how I felt about it.

Lucy kept talking, but I had a hard time listening. I felt like before… numb. Mostly hopeless. Lucy left and returned, setting down my weekend bag.

“See you in the morning,” she said. “I’ll lock the doors.”

I woke up in the middle of the night, heart thumping and tangled in the sheets. I scrambled out of bed, falling on the floor in a desperate attempt to run away from the nightmare I’d been having. I stared back at my empty twin bed, and the pang in my heart hurt. I really wished Esme’s arms would curl around my waist, and Carlisle would softly assure me that everything was okay, that I was safe…

Well, this is the price I paid for independence.

Finally untangled from my sheets, I made my way around the apartment in an automatic haze. Lucy had actually locked everything properly for once. I made my way back to my room, peeling off my sweaty day clothes before opening my bag to search for pyjamas.

There were two letters sitting on top of my clothes. I pulled them out and set them aside, throwing on pyjamas before taking my phone and the letters out to the living room.

I sunk into the brown sofa and beckoned to Pancake, who lazily strolled up to me and curled up by my thigh. I decided to read Esme’s letter first. The sound of ripping paper seemed excruciatingly loud. I unfolded the page and held my phone over it to read.

Darling one,

I have spent the afternoon trying to think of ways to repent for any sadness I’ve brought you. It was never my intent to do anything but bring you happiness and safety, but I can see now that my quest for safety has brought you fear and sadness. I already feel the absence of your laughs, your jokes, your insights and your questions.

Please, sweet Deirdre, please call me or Carlisle. My heart can’t bear knowing that you’re hurt and there’s nothing I can do. The connection the three of us share is special. I would do anything to make this right again. I want to hold you, and kiss you, and make you giggle. I want to re-paint that jewelry box you’re so fond of, even with the water damage. I want to look up from painting to find you dozing in Carlisle’s lap.

Please let me fix this, Deirdre. I love you so much it hurts.

Yours,

Esme

I wiped the tears out of my eyes, re-reading the letter. How did she know about the jewelry box? Was she minimizing how controlling she’d been, or was I being dramatic?

I folded the letter, slipping it back into its envelope before opening Carlisle’s. It took much longer to read, his penmanship impeccable but intricate in a way I wasn’t used to. Each word hung in the air as I decoded the next.

My love,

I am struggling to accurately convey my guilt for pushing you to fear me and Esme. I have asked you to believe in my abilities to keep you safe without giving evidence to support this assertion. I am afraid that I have flown us too close to the sun.

Whatever security systems, weapons, or training would make you feel safe, I will acquire. Whatever monetary assurances you need, I can give. Esme and I have discussed building an office for you attached to the garage—somewhere you can daydream and work and take a break if you need without being far. Would you like that, little one?

I know we can make this right, Deirdre. I can assure you, whatever action, or token you require can be given to you. You are our most prized, irreplaceable treasure. I, like Esme, love you dearly, and we are already growing impatient to hold you once more.

Come home to us, duckling.

Eternally yours,

Carlisle

I don’t remember falling asleep on the couch, holding Carlisle’s letter and my phone, but Lucy shook me awake and told me to get ready. I stumbled to my bedroom, tucking the letters under my pillow before changing into something work appropriate and smoothing my crazy hair into a bun.

I had no food in the house, so I made myself a thermos of coffee and a bottle of water with ice and lemon, trying to block out the memory of Esme in my kitchen all those weeks ago.

Was it normal to receive love letters from your exes? Were we even broken up?

Lucy hustled me out to Myrtle, taking charge to drive over to the hospital.

I noticed Carlisle’s black car was in the parking lot, but I barely had time to dwell on it before Lucy pulled me into the LTC wing.

I felt like I’d entered a warzone. The lobby reeked of chemicals, enough that I had to take small breaths. Lucy found me my access card (which still worked for some reason) and sat me down at the empty desk. There were notes and papers all over the desk and the floor behind it, and the walkie talkie went off every minute or so for support. Technically that wasn’t my problem, but I did keep my eye on Mrs. McCarthy when she ambled by, testing the strength of the windows and doors with her cane.

No one acknowledged that I’d ever left. If you had time to lean, you had time to clean up the patient in room 108.

It became my routine to bring no lunch, work from 8AM-8PM (Lucy’s shift), eat a cup of noodles and some broccoli for dinner, read Carlisle and Esme’s letters of the day, and go to sleep. I’d texted them both to let them know I was alive, I needed space, and yes, I’d received the letters.

I spent my birthday and the month of October holed up at work or in my room, scrolling mindlessly on my phone to distract from the ache in my chest.

When Lucy invited me to her family’s Thanksgiving a few hours away, I couldn’t even muster the effort to book off the days. That left me home Wednesday night, laying in bed with my work clothes on, keys in my pocket, scrolling mindlessly. At least, until I heard a thump coming from the front of the apartment.

Then another thump.

Then the splintering of wood.

Chapter Text

Chapter 13: Sanctuary

I had wiggled halfway out of the bathroom window when a hand encircled my ankle and pulled me back. The force sent me crashing shoulder-first into the toilet, and my face smacked the tiled floor briefly before I was dragged away by the hood of my sweater.

John-David climbed on top of me, duct taping my mouth, and then slapped me.

“Don’t look so smug now, do you, whore?”

I’d like to say I glared at him, that I was strong. But underneath the duct tape, I was wailing. I felt my legs become warm, and he stood up with a gasp before kicking my ribs.

“Disgusting fucking cunt,” he cursed, his jowly mouth scowling down at me. “Your father better kiss my feet when I turn you into a proper wife.”

He hauled me up by my hair, and Henry appeared, wielding a large garbage bag. I fell into him, knocking him over before seeing the front door open down the hall.

I sprinted, overcome by adrenaline and the fear of death. Down the steel stairs, across the parking lot, I scrambled into Myrtle and locked the doors.

Henry and John-David weren’t far behind, and Henry’s fist hit my driver’s side window over and over, until John-David pulled out a gun and slammed the end of the handle into the window.

The safety glass shattered over me as Myrtle squacked to life. I reversed without checking behind me, peeling out of the parking lot as little chunks of glass tumbled over my sweaty, wrinkled blouse.

My only goal was getting away, and it distracted me from the realization that I was driving on fumes. Fear of hitting a red light drove me to take country roads, and I sped down them until I couldn't speed anymore. I slammed down the accelerator, but nothing changed. Myrtle rolled to a stop, and I heard my own breath and heartbeat. Then, the purr of another car.

I was too hurt, too scared, to depleted to do anything but sag in my seat, tears rolling down my face.

“Oh my love, what have they done to you?”

In the pale moonlight, I blinked up at Carlisle, his concerned face glowing and fuzzy around the edges.

I waved him off tiredly and shook my head. He leaned into the car, unlocking my door before opening it to assess me further. He gently pulled at the duct tape, murmuring soothing things as I whimpered.

“You’ve gotta go before they find me,” I told him. “They’ve got a gun.”

“I’m not going anywhere ever again,” Carlisle said, his fingers brushing over my cheek. “Did they do this? John-David and Henry?”

Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of an approaching vehicle.

“Go,” I said weakly, giving Carlisle a push with one hand. He instead took it in both of his own, patting it gently.

“I promised I would keep you safe. I know you found that hard to believe, little one. But it’s a promise I plan to keep.”

“Oh thank goodness, you found her!” Henry pulled the van up beside my car. “I’m sorry if my little sister gave you any trouble, sir. She’s off her meds again.”

John-David got out of the van, but Carlisle blocked his way.

“The only medication Deirdre requires is sleeping pills to make it through nightmares about you and your cult.” Carlisle said, his voice level. He had a twinge of the aura he’d had once before, when Mrs. McCarthy had beaten me.

“Listen, asshole,” John-David said. “This little slut’s spoken for.”

John-David put his hand on his hip, swinging his coat away to show off the gun tucked into his jeans.

“Someone as sweet and loving could never belong to you.” Carlisle said.

“Carlisle, please. They’ll hurt you,” I croaked

“Listen to the whore,” John-David said. “She needs a man of God to make her a woman.”

“She already has one.” Carlisle said. “And if you ever come back, I’ll make sure you feel His wrath.”

John-David laughed, then pulled out his gun and shot Carlisle. Once, twice, and then one more time.

My ears hurt, but I could still hear my own screams. I screamed and screamed, until John-David’s smug expression changed to one of horror. Carlisle continued to stand in front of me, and my hand reached out to move down his back, unconsciously searching for exit wounds.

“Let this be a warning to you,” Carlisle said. “I am a man of God, but I will not let you hurt Deirdre.”

John-David, paler than I’d ever seen his leathery skin, slowly backed away before leaping into the van.

“GO! GO!” he bellowed. The tires of the van squealed as they drove off.

Carlisle turned back to me, his face shadowy as the moon ducked behind the clouds.

“You’re going to pass out, Deirdre. You don’t need to fight it, little one. I’ve got you now.”

I woke up on the softest bed in the world, blinking wearily at the dim light emanating from the bedside lamp.

“She’s just woken, Es,” Carlisle murmured. “You can talk to her, just go slow.”

I felt a rustling by my head as Carlisle deposited the phone on a nearby pillow.

“Deirdre?” Esme called, her voice anxious.

“Here,” I croaked. Carlisle brought a mug to my lips, tipping my head up to allow me a few sips.

“Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there,”

“No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “Dangerous. Carlisle got…”

I tried to sit up, but Carlisle firmly held my good shoulder. I felt more awake.

“Carlisle got shot! We have to go to the hospital!” I exclaimed. “Esme, call an ambulance!”

“I’m quite alright, duckling,” Carlisle assured, his hands moving to hold any limbs before I could escape his grasp. “Do stay still, Deirdre. You’ve sustained some serious injuries, and I’ll have to restrain you if you can’t rest on your own.”

“Esme,” I called, desperate for backup.

“I’ll be home soon, darling. I’ll give Carlisle a look over when I get there.”

“He got shot!” I cried. “And it was all my fault, oh my God, you were shot…”

Carlisle put one of my arms in a sling before attaching my free wrist in a cuff to the headboard.

“You got shot,” I accused as he wiped the tears away with a cloth.

“I was shot at, darling. It doesn’t mean it did anything.”

He unbuttoned his shirt, reaching in where it was tucked into his pants to procure three bullets.

“Didn’t even hurt,” he assured me.

“I… but…”

One hand went through my sweaty mess of hair, his nails scraping against my scalp.

“I told you, darling. You’re safe with me and Esme.”

“He’s right, pet,” Esme assured. “I’m two minutes away.”

I pulled on my cuffed wrist as Carlisle left me, returning with a tube of something. He rubbed the lotion into my knees, ribs, and gently on my shoulder. His eyes flicked up and away, like he heard something.

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered, my vision blurring with tears.

“I know, darling. Everything’s going to be okay now.”

“Deirdre, oh love,”

Esme appeared by my side, her cool hand pressing to my forehead.

“Thank God you’re alive,” she whispered.

I tried to pull my hand to touch her, but the cuff stopped me. I grumbled in annoyance as she wiped the tears out of my eyes with her thumb.

“I’m sorry,” I croaked as she pet my hair, her fingers ghosting over the injuries. It was then that I realized I wasn’t wearing clothes. I yanked on my cuff. “Es, I’m naked.”

“I noticed, kitten,” she responded lightly. Was there a hint of… amusement, in her smile?

“I’m nearly done the examination,” Carlisle promised, taking a little light and shining it in my eyes.

“I don’t need to be naked for this,” I protested, wiggling and pulling on the cuff.

Carlisle’s chilly hand landed on my stomach, pressing me down firmly.

“Be a good girl and let me finish looking at you,” he murmured, and I’m certain my face turned beet red. "There were tiny fragments of the safety glass imbedded in your torso, arms, and thighs.it breaks into large pieces, but the dust of glass can cause itchiness and can be quite uncomfortable. I've removed it, thankfully, but it was necessary to check all of your skin."

Esme patted my thigh lightly, then crawled over me to walk to the closet. Carlisle checked my eyes (for signs of a concussion, maybe?) while Esme dug out some pyjamas for me. Both of them helped me into the clothes. Esme put her arms around me, her face pressing to my neck as she breathed deeply, then sighed. Carlisle kissed my forehead, then started cleaning up the medical supplies.

I let Esme pull me to the centre of the bed and encircle me with her limbs like a boa. She hummed happily, and I couldn’t help but melt in her chilly embrace.

“I missed you so much,” I admitted. Her fingers in my hair twitched.

“Then why did you stay away? We were here the whole time,” she whispered. I could feel her hurt.

“I… was afraid.”

“Of me?”

“Mm-mm,” I mumbled. “I mean… I don’t know. Everything was happening so fast. It reminded me of when…”

“When your parents joined the cult?” Carlisle asked, returning to the bed with a range of pills in his hand and a juice box.

“Yeah,” I admitted softly, feeling a little guilty.

“We’ve got to work on your trust, little one,” Carlisle said, sitting beside me. “These are for the pain, these are vitamins, and this is for sleep.”

I opened my mouth to protest, but Carlisle deposited the pills in my mouth in a fluid motion, the straw of the juice box tickling my bottom lip. I hastily drank, swallowing the pills.

“Good girl,” he praised, and a warmth of love and safety washed over me like a wave.

“I’m still sorry,” I murmured, burying my face in the side of a pillow.

“We know, duckling,” Esme assured.

“And there will be time to discuss sufficient expiation tomorrow.” Carlisle promised.

My bottom lip quivered. “I thought you were going to die today.”

“You won’t rid yourself of me so easily,” he joked. His eyes softened at my expression, and he patted my forehead lightly.

Esme’s mouth moved over my neck, and the sudden suction made me squeak.

“One down, the rest of the neck to go,” she teased.

The pain in my chest and shoulder woke me up a few times. Carlisle brought me some sort of pills each time, petting my hair until I fell back asleep.

I was surprised to wake up in the morning, still in Esme’s embrace, with Carlisle’s gentle hand in my hair. I could hear them discussing something, but their voices were too quiet for me to hear.

“Good morning, little one,” Carlisle murmured. I stretched a little, wincing at the pain my ribs. Esme made a soft, soothing noise, pulling me closer to her.

“Morning,” I said, rubbing my eyes.

“How is your pain?” he asked, holding my shoulder down when I tried to sit up. Even Esme sat up, peering over me with yellowy golden eyes.

“Tolerable,” I said evenly. “Can I sit up?”

“Not yet,” Esme hummed, a smile building on her lips as she caressed my face. “I’m trying to resist the urge to chain you to the bed for the next month.”

I could feel my face heat up as Carlisle chuckled.

“I don’t think I’d be opposed.” I whispered. “As long as you let me go pee first.”

Esme’s laugh rang in my ears and my muscles relaxed on cue.

Carlisle’s hand slipped under my back, and he helped me sit up. I crawled over his lap and stumbled out of bed, throwing my arm up like a gymnast finishing a series of backflips.

Carlisle smiled, shaking his head at me as Esme clapped, giggling at my antics.

In the bathroom, away from prying eyes, I gave myself a few minutes to digest the whole situation. I didn’t wake up in bed with John-David, or chained up in a basement. I went to the bathroom, washed my face, and then made my way back to the bedroom.

“Better?” Esme asked. I nodded, moving back into her embrace.

"I thought you two were going to a cabin for Thanksgiving?"

"We were supposed to go together last night," Carlisle said, a hand smoothing down my back. "Alas, something came up..."

“So, when are we talking about the expedition?” I asked Esme's shoulder.

“Expedition?” she asked.

“Retribution?” I rephrased. Carlisle chuckled behind me.

“She means the expiation,” he told Esme.

“Mm,” Esme hummed. Her chilly hand dipped under my shirt, rubbing my back while she thought. I was almost asleep again when she spoke. “I have a few ideas.”

“As do I,” Carlisle added from behind me.

“I want you to move back in and let me drop you off at work,” Esme requested. She seemed to hold her breath until I nodded. “Yes? Okay. Excellent. Good girl.” She pulled me to her again, rocking me a little as she sighed contentedly. I pressed a tentative kiss to her collar bone, and she shivered.

“As for me,” Carlisle began, patting Esme’s hand over my shirt, “I would like you to take some daily supplements and attend our family vacation at the beginning of January.”

“Are supplements going to include sleeping pills?”

“Yes, for as long as you need them.”

My brain ping-ponged from the night Carlisle forced me to take the sleeping pills, to checking the windows and doors, to John-David, to the night before.

I pushed myself to sit up, Esme following suit behind me. Unconsciously my hand moved out and pressed against Carlisle’s heart. Or, at least where a heart would be.

“Are you going to tell me how you survived getting shot?”

Carlisle pursed his lips, leaning over to the bedside table to withdraw the bullet from yesterday. He placed them in my hands, like ugly little metal mushrooms. Then, wordlessly, he plucked one from my hand, rolled it in his hands like playdough, and then gently placed the little ball of metal back into my hand.

A delicate hand reached around from behind me, taking one of the bullets. I turned to look at Esme incredulously as she rolled the mangled nub of metal into a sphere.

You know when it’s so silent that it hurts your ears? We spent a long minute like that.

“I… have more questions.” I said slowly, accepting the second metal sphere from Esme.

“We were being honest when we told you we are capable of keeping you safe,” Esme said, her hand moving to cup my face. “Say something, Deirdre.”

“I feel nauseous,” I admitted. Carlisle disappeared and reappeared with the bathroom trash can faster than humanly possible.

“Did you give me drugs?” I whimpered, angling my face into the empty trash can bag.

“Only pain killers and melatonin.” Carlisle assured. “It’s okay to be overwhelmed, sweet one. Deep breaths.”

We were quiet for a few minutes, Esme’s arm around my waist and Carlisle’s hand on my knee. I kept my head inside the garbage.

“Are you aliens?” I asked the trash can.

“No, honey.” Esme assured.

“Super humans?”

“No,” Carlisle said simply.

“Um… angels?”

Esme kissed my neck. “I thought Carlisle was one, when I first woke up.”

“You and Esme are my angels, but we are not angels,” Carlisle clarified.

“Hmm.” I mumbled, shutting my eyes. I felt the pressure lessen and then re-appear beside me, in time for Carlisle to wipe my face with a damp cloth before laying it on the back of my neck.

“Won’t you tell me?” I asked.

“I like your guesses,” Esme admitted, giving me a little squeeze.

“Technically, it would be better if you guessed.” Carlisle said.

“So not aliens, super humans, or angels. I don’t know, elves?” I felt Esme shake with laughter beside me. “Like Lord of the Rings Elves. Smart and pretty elves.”

“Not elves, darling.” Esme said.

“Fairies?”

“No.”

My head spun. “Um… gods?”

“No, love.” Carlisle murmured, petting my sweaty hair.

“I don’t know,” I told the trash can miserably.

“You don’t have to know, duckling. As long as you know we love you and we’ll protect you, that’s all you have to be certain of.” Esme promised, her voice gentle.

“Esme’s right, Deirdre,” Carlisle said. “Just relax. You’re safe. You’re loved.”

“I’m sweaty and I hurt,” I grumbled into the garbage. The bag stuck to my forehead as I drew my face out of the receptacle.

“Nothing a bath and some pain killers can’t fix,” Esme assured. She scooped me up like she had before, carrying me to the bathroom where she sat me down on a mat, turning on the water before returning to help me strip.

“Sirens? Nymphs?”

“No and no,” Esme said, her eyes glowing with happiness as she helped me out of my shirt.

“This isn’t funny,” I argued tiredly, still feeling a bit queasy.

“Sorry sweetheart. It’s just kind of cute to see what you think, that’s all.”

To my disappointment, Esme didn’t join me in the bath, instead rolling up her sleeves before massaging shampoo into my hair. Carlisle came into the bathroom, and I covered my chest despite the fact he’d seen it all the night before.

“I’m going out to get food. What would you like, Deirdre?”

“I’ll eat whatever,” I said quietly.

“Well, Esme and I won’t be eating anymore—there’s no use keeping up appearances when it’s just the three of us. So, shall I get some tortellini? Some chocolate ice cream?”

My empty stomach lurched. “You guys don’t need to eat?”

Carlisle smiled kindly. “Not human food, no.”

I looked at him blankly, remembering all the times we’d had dinner together.

“I… but… that’s why you never eat with enthusiasm?”

Esme winced. “We have to throw up whatever human food we eat. We can’t digest it.”

I looked horrified. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Carlisle shook his head, his hand moving to my cheek. “Don’t apologize, love. It’s uncomfortable, but occasionally necessary.” He stood. “I’ll just get a few things, and then when you feel better, we can get some more.”

“Okay,” I said weakly. He bent down to kiss Esme, then my forehead. His lips were soft and cool.

“I’ll be home shortly,” he promised.

“We’ll be here,” Esme assured him. I blinked, and then he was gone. I looked to Esme, as if to say Can you believe that? Where did he go? But she was gazing at me fondly, like a parent looking at a silly child.

“Lean back for me, Deedee. I need to wash out the shampoo.”

She supported my neck as she shook out the shampoo from my scalp. She propped me up again and put on conditioner. While letting that set, she rubbed shower gel between her hands before smoothing them over my entire body.

“Carlisle’s really okay, then?” I asked quietly as she examined my fingernails.

“He’s completely fine,” she assured, moving as a blur to the vanity and back to wield a little tool she used to clean under my fingernails.

“So Carlisle’s bulletproof?” I asked.

Esme smiled. “Essentially, yes.”

“Are you bullet proof?”

“I suppose so,” she said cheerfully. “You’re taking this very well, you know. I’m proud of you, Deirdre.”

I could feel myself blush. “It doesn’t feel like I’m taking it well.”

She caressed my face. “You didn’t scream or wet yourself. That’s pretty good, in my book. Although I wouldn’t judge you if you do either later, as things begin to settle. Lean back.”

I closed my eyes and let her wash the conditioner out of my hair.

“Incubus and succubus?” I asked quietly.

She shook her head. “I’m glad you think so highly of me in bed, though, pet.”

She pulled the stopped out of the tub and went to grab a towel.

“Are you going to tell Carlisle I guessed that?” I asked as she wrapped me in the towel. She poked my nose gently.

“Yes. I’m sure he’ll find it as endearing as I do.”

I felt incredibly silly as she brushed though my hair, braiding it into two neat French braids.

“Witches?”

“No.”

“Can’t I have a hint?”

Esme chuckled and pulled on one braid. “No. You’re adorable when you pout.”

I was surprised when she took the towel away and hung it up.

“Let’s find you some comfy clothes. Alice and I bought you some things and put them in your drawers.”

I wondered if she liked being dressed while I was not. It certainly made me feel small. She went through the drawers, offering me a pair of soft panties, some sweatpants, and one of Carlisle’s sweaters.

“There, that’s better,” Esme declared, pulling me into her arms to kiss me and hold me. “Carlisle’s back.” She informed me. “Let’s go sit in the kitchen with him.”

Esme brought an armchair from the living room into the kitchen as easily as if she were bringing in a folding chair. She sat down and held open her arms, and I barely hesitated before crawling in. Leaning against her collar bone, I could hear her hum in delight.

“Feel better, Deirdre?” Carlisle asked, walking in with two paper bags of groceries.

“Yeah, better,” I confirmed. Carlisle blurred around the kitchen for a minute, only slowing down to fold the empty paper bags and put them in the recycling under the sink. He took a chair and pulled it up so he was knee to knee with Esme.

“Deedee guessed incubus and succubus while you were gone,” Esme said with a smile.

“Sometimes I do feel I could live off of your smiles,” Carlisle said in his soft, gentle voice. I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust into a pile of ashes.

“Esme won’t give me a hint,” I complained. He didn’t seem to be concerned about that at all. He smiled sweetly at his wife before turning his gaze to me. His cool fingers swept over my forehead and down my jaw.

“It’s good to have you home with us, Deirdre,” he said.

“Stop saying things like that. I think I’m having a heart attack.” I said weakly. Carlisle laughed, his hand resting over my heart.

“You’ll survive, little one. You’re strong.”

Esme leaned down and kissed my forehead.

My stomach growled, and I could’ve died.

“Breakfast time for the human,” Carlisle said, his hand moving to pat my stomach before he stood and moved about the kitchen.

Chapter Text

Chapter 14 - Découvrir

I was honestly a little bit surprised that Esme let me walk into work the next day. Carlisle had called in on Thanksgiving for me, lying that I’d taken a tumble down some stairs and needed some time to recoup. He did insist that I wore my arm in a sling, just to give my shoulder a rest.

He’d also gone to my apartment, repaired the door, removed my belongings, and locked up. Somehow he managed to get Myrtle into the garage, so there wasn’t a spooky broken-window car on the side of the road. After all that, he had come home, showered, and checked my shoulder and my bruises.

Esme pulled up the to the LTC doors and parked. “Have a good morning, sweetie. Text me at lunch.”

“I will,” I promised. She leaned over, and I mirrored to peck her on the lips.

“Take it easy. Be safe.”

“I will,” I promised, as if it was within my control. I shimmied out of the passenger seat and Esme passed me my lunch.

I gave her a little wave, then headed in, fumbling to swipe my key card and not drop my lunch.

Inside the LTC was… rough. There was a strong smell of human feces when I entered, and the lobby was unusually empty.

The desk was a mess again. I put my lunch to one side, found my tube of lavender hand lotion, and got to work. A little dab of lotion under my nose helped me stop gagging long enough to stack all the papers to one side. I turned on the computer to find that seven nurses and PSWs had called out, and it seemed they weren’t being replaced.

I finished filing the paperwork by noon, and even though it was chilly I took my break outside, sitting on the sidewalk a few yards from the door. I was too scared to sit at the patio table around the corner.

I unpacked my lunch on my lap and called Esme.

“Deirdre?”

“Hey,” I murmured.

“Everything okay, sweet pea?”

That was a loaded question. “We’re a bit short-staffed today,” I said. “Lots of paperwork.”

“Mm,” she hummed thoughtfully. I unwrapped my sandwich and ate it while she told me how the restoration of a late 1800s steamer trunk was going.

I said my good byes five minutes before heading back in, sending Carlisle a voice note because I was too slow texting.

Hey, hope everything is okay in the hospital. We are short staffed and no custodians. Have a good rest of your shift!

I felt my phone buzz in my pocket as I swiped my card back in. I decided to check his text, since I still technically had 3 minutes left.

Hospital side is well. You mentioned no custodians—is there a mess that needs cleaning?

Ah shoot. I texted back with one hand.

Yes, poop

He texted back almost immediately. I will take care of it. XX

I felt a little guilty as I put my phone away, but within ten minutes someone was mopping our lobby, and the smell of chemicals overtook the pungent smell of feces.

I replied to some emails, printed a stack of prescription information, then put in some orders for toilet paper and cleaning supplies.

A knocking noise on the front window snapped me out of my concentration. Carlisle waved, then pointed to his wrist.

Shoot, what time was it?

I glanced at the clock in the corner of the monitor, and my eyes almost bugged out. It was nearly an hour after my shift.

Obviously, no one was coming to replace me. I radioed that I was leaving, locked the computer, and grabbed my bag.

“Busy day?” Carlisle asked, taking my bag and slinging it over his shoulder before taking my hand.

“Yeah. Sorry, I lost track of time.”

“It happens, sweetheart.”

Carlisle helped me into the back seat of the car, leaning over me to buckle me in. I sighed and leaned against the door.

“You must be exhausted, Deirdre,” Esme said.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting,” I replied guiltily. “I got a little lost in the sauce.”

When we got home, I told Carlisle to shower first. I grabbed my pyjamas and set them out before taking my own shower. When I got out, Carlisle insisted on slathering my bruises with cream again, but he let me choose whether I wanted my arm in the sling. In the end, after my pyjamas, I asked him to help me put it in the sling again—my shoulder was still pretty sore, and the weight of my arm hurt.

Esme made me a little snack tray since I was too tired to eat, and I turned into a lazy cat on the couch. Carlisle was penning letter after letter to some friends of his, and Esme was scrolling through online auctions. Every now and then she’d show me a piece and ask what I thought.

Finally, Carlisle finished his letters, folding them neatly and tucking them into labelled envelopes.

“Would you like a bedtime story, Deirdre?” he asked, petting my hair.

“Esme can pick,” I murmured, hoping dearly that he’d let me fall asleep on the couch or carry me to the bedroom.

“Well I can pick after you’re asleep, duckling.” Esme said.

I frowned. “Won’t you fall asleep too?”

She shook her head sadly. “We don’t sleep.”

I sat up, glancing over to Carlisle, who nodded.

“Never ever?”

“Never ever,” Carlisle confirmed.

My throat burned and I tried to blink away tears. “But what about all those times we went to bed? And when I wake up, you’re always there?”

“That’s because we stay with you when you’re sleeping, Deedee.” Esme explained.

“Why?” I asked, feeling my chest shake.

“Oh sweetheart, we stay because we like being near you. Carlisle and I chat while you sleep, and you’re so deliciously warm and you make the cutest faces and noises.” Esme said, her hand patting my knee.

Carlisle moved a hand to rest on my back. “We can leave you to sleep if you’d prefer.”

I looked over at Esme, who nodded. I could feel myself deflating. Of course they’d ditch me, now that the jig was up.

“We can also stay if you want us to, Deirdre,” Carlisle murmured, his eyes assessing me.

“You don’t have to,” I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself. “That’s gotta be boring.”

Carlisle shook his head. “You’re so dear to us, little one. We’ve never had a boring night with you at home.”

I gave him an incredulous look, and he gently pinched my cheek in response.

“If you’re going to give me that pouty look, perhaps Esme should pick the bedtime story after all.”

He stood and carefully pulled me into his arms, whisking me away to the bedroom at a speed that made my head spin.

Esme disappeared to the closet, returning with one of the books they’d bought me long ago. I settled in the middle, suddenly feeling entitled to the best spot and as many pillows as I wanted. Esme handed the book off to Carlisle, who cracked it open and began to read all about anxious, avoidant, and secure attachments in his wonderful voice.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I did wake to find Carlisle and Esme on either side of me. Carlisle was lounging beside me, reading a book in the dark, while Esme was sitting cross-legged, crocheting something small. She smiled at me when my glance fell on her, and her fingers caressed my face.

“Deedee, would you mind if I went hunting? Carlisle will stay with you, and I’d be back before lunch.”

I blinked at her. “Hunting alone?”

“I’ll be fine, dear. I’m bullet proof, remember?”

The chunky gears in my brain began to turn again.

“But you don’t eat,” I told her.

She smiled. “No, I don’t eat the animals.”

I frowned, looking to Carlisle for a hint. His smile was amused, and I turned back to Esme with a frown.

“She’s waiting for your permission, Dee.” Carlisle said, placing a hand on my hip.

I acquiesced, still confused. “Okay. Be safe.”

Esme smiled. “I will.” She leaned down to kiss my cheek, firmly urged me to go back to sleep, and disappeared from the room.

I flipped over to face Carlisle. My brain felt like it was buzzing, even though I was too tired to process things correctly. He brushed the hair out of my face at a human pace, for my benefit I’m sure. What kind of creature doesn’t eat? Something that sucks, or drinks?

“Vampires?” I threw out as a guess. His hand froze.

“We don’t drink from humans.” Carlisle said, as if this was the most important part. I guess it was, looking back. I shook my head at him, the flopped back into the pillow.

“Okay, honey.” I murmured, my eyes closing.

“Kitten?”

He patted my face gently until my eyes opened again. “Deirdre, we should talk about this. Don’t you have questions?”

I shook my head. “You won’t hurt me. Es won’t hurt me. I’m sleepy,” I mumbled.

“I’ll give Esme a call,” he said. I felt him shift and I made a sound of annoyance.

“Deedee?”

“Let her go hunt. She’s probably thirsty.” I said, trailing off. “Thirsty. Mm. Esme makes me thirsty.”

Carlisle let out a surprised noise, then rested his palm on my back. “We can talk in the morning, little one.”

“Mm. Sexy vampires.” I mumbled. Carlisle’s chuckle made me warm.

“Alright, love. Sleep please.”

“Yes Daddy.” I teased. I couldn’t resist opening my eyes to find Carlisle’s head thrown back, eyes shut as he ran a hand through his hair. “Or would that be Grandpa?”

“Deirdre,” he chastised, trying to sound firm except for the nervous laugh that escaped.

“Grandpa? Great grandpa? Excellent grandpa?”

He gave me a look, and I burst into giggles. Yep, no going back to sleep now.

“I’m calling Esme. You’re delirious. Or in shock.”

“Noooo!” I said, rolling around and laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe.

“Okay, grandpa.” I said, sighing as I flopped onto my back. I wiped the tears from my eyes while Carlisle was on the phone. He walked over and pressed the phone to my ear.

“Deedee? Sweetheart, we love you and you’re safe,” Esme’s concerned voice was slightly tinny over the phone.

“I know,” I said, feeling tired but not sleepy. “How old is Carlisle?” I asked her. Carlisle pulled the phone away.

“If she’s thirsty, let her have a snack,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

Carlisle said something too quiet for me to hear to Esme, then ended the call.

“You didn’t let her answer,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and yawning. I stretched, then relaxed, getting comfy into the pillow again.

“I would like to tell you myself,” Carlisle explained. “When you’re properly awake.”

“Mhm grandpa.” I mumbled. Chilly fingers tickled my neck and I squeaked.

“I am a grandpa, little one. It’s a bit weird to hear that from you.”

“Okay, sorry Carlisle.”

A kiss to my temple rewarded my apology.

“Will you snuggle with me?” I asked my pillow. Carlisle tsked and laid down beside me, an arm moving over my waist.

Unfortunately, I was feeling increasingly awake. I mulled over what I knew about my lovers’ inhuman-ness—faster than humans, stronger (bulletproof), no sleep, no consumption of human food. I chewed on the skin around my thumb before Carlisle reached out and took my hand, covering it with his own. I tried to nibble his thumb playfully, but it was like nibbling a rock.

“Ow,”

“My apologies,” Carlisle said, his breath cool on my neck.

“You usually don’t hold me so close. Are you spoiling me because of the vampire thing?”

Carlisle paused. “I suppose. Esme is not here to hold you, and I want you to feel comforted as you process.”

“Mm. I like it.”

“You’re very naughty this morning,” Carlisle said. The edge in his voice made me shiver and blush.

“Sorry. I know you’re waiting for marriage.” I replied. I wiggled my hand, and he released it, allowing me to move my hand around to hold onto it. His fingers weaved between mine.

“It must seem futile to you,” he said softly. “But it’s important to me.”

“If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.” I declared, kissing the top of his hand.

“Thank you, Deirdre.”

We laid together quietly for a few minutes. “Is Es coming home?”

“She’s going to have a quick hunt. She needs it, but she will be back soon.”

“Okie dokie,” I murmured, yawning. “Is she going to suck the blood out of the animals?”

“Yes.” Carlisle said. “It’s very quick, humane.”

“I bet. Esme’s fast and strong.”

“That she is.”

Carlisle’s embrace was more comforting than I could’ve ever imagined. Every now and then I’d think of a question, and he’d quietly explain.

“Why’s there a cross in the hallway?”

“It was my father’s. He was a pastor.”

“Human father?”

“Yes.”

“Did he know you became a vampire?”

Carlisle paused. “I don’t believe so. When it happened… he most likely assumed I’d been killed. He would have tried to kill me if he’d found me.”

I shook my head. “How could anyone want to kill you, let alone your father?”

Carlisle sighed, his gaze hundreds of years away.

“Never mind,” I said quickly. “Forget I said anything.”

He tapped my stomach. “It’s alright, darling. My father fancied himself a monster hunter. He burned many at the stake, claiming them to be witches and vampires and creatures of the night. Knowing what I do now… he executed innocent people in an excruciating way.”

I frowned. “You don’t seem anything like him.”

“I surely hope I’m not.”

I squeezed his hand. “Why do you keep the cross, then?”

It took him a minute to answer. “It’s an artifact of my past. While I do not believe him to have been a good person, I still have faith in God. He brought me a second life, and Esme and you, and my family.”

I squeezed his hand again. “Okay. I think I understand.”

The next question was about the “children”. Edward, I learned, came first, then Esme, then Rosalie, followed by Emmett. Jasper and Alice found them and joined (this is where I pried a little deeper and learned that Alice was psychic and Jasper was an empath. Carlisle added in that Edward was a mind reader, and I developed a fear of meeting the prodigal son). Edward met Bella a few years back, and they had a daughter (Renesmee, AKA Nessie) before Bella was turned.

“Does that mean we could have a baby?” I asked.

“If you would like a baby. Esme would like that very much.”

“Would you like a baby?”

“I would, Deirdre, but it’ll be your decision, and frankly the pregnancy for a hybrid is very demanding on a woman’s body.”

“Hmm.”

I let that subject trail off.

“How old is Nessie now?”

“In human years, she is five. Physically and mentally, she is about sixteen. Hybrids mature at an accelerated rate.” He explained.

“So Nessie is your grandchild?”

“Yes.”

“I bet you’re an excellent grandpa.”

His fingers dug into my side lightly and I shrieked.

“What was that, duckling?” he asked innocently.

“Nothing, grandpa. Ah!”

He tickled me again, which was completely unfair because of his strength. He stopped when I begged for mercy, kissing my cheek before cuddling up beside me again.

“Esme is home.” Carlisle murmured. “She is pulling into the driveway. Now she is unlocking the door and closing it.”

“There’s my girl!”

Esme launched onto the bed and cuddled up until I was the middle of a vampire sandwich.

“Carlisle was torturing me while you were gone.” I tattled. Carlisle chuckled.

“Tickling,” Carlisle clarified for her. Esme laughed.

“You are fairly ticklish, sweetie. And you’re so cute when wiggle around and beg.” Esme’s eyes were glowing bright gold, and she leaned forward to kiss my lips gently. “You seem to be in good spirits, considering.”

“Carlisle doesn’t like it when I call him grandpa.” I told her. Now she laughed.

“She also called me Daddy and excellent grandpa.”

“If Carlisle is Daddy, does that make me Mommy?” Esme asked.

I shivered under her hungry gaze. “No comment?”

“Hmph.”

Esme poked my nose. “You seem to be taking this well.”

I shrugged. “I think I already had my mental breakdown about it. Did you have a yummy hunt?”

Esme paused, thinking over her response. “It was nice. I found a deer fairly quickly, which allowed me to come back to you.”

“Are deer the tastiest?”

I felt Carlisle shake with laughter behind me.

“I like them, as does Carlisle. But our children have differing opinions.”

“Do they also eat animals?” I asked, realizing I’d forgotten this question earlier.

“Yes, they do, honey. Although some of them have… had accidents before.”

It took a minute for that to click. “They ate people on accident?”

Esme was quiet. “The urge is… very strong, as a newborn vampire. Most of the accidents were in the newborn stage. The others…” Esme trailed off, sitting up in the blink of an eye.

I reached over and took her hand. Her face twisted like she was about to cry.

“Oh, Esme,” I murmured, sitting up and holding my arms out for her. She took my hands instead.

“I’ve had some accidents before, Deirdre. They were a long time ago, but they still haunt me.”

I squeezed her hands. “I… don’t know what to say to be comforting here.”

Carlisle sat up behind me, reaching around to put a hand on his wife’s knee.

“Carlisle’s never had an accident,” Esme whispered.

“It gets easier with time,” Carlisle explained. “I don’t want to frighten you Deirdre, but there are very few vampires who follow the ‘vegetarian’ diet we do. Esme is worried you’ll think of her differently, but she has done amazingly well.”

I turned back to Esme. She looked sad, and her eyes searched mine.

“Is there anything I can do to make things easier?” I asked her.

She shook her head, squeezing my hands gently. “I need to hunt a little more often. The burn of thirst is…worse when it’s been a while.”

I swallowed. “It burns?”

She nodded.

I pulled one hand away and rested it on the front of my neck without thinking. “Is your throat burning right now?”

She smiled sadly, taking my hand away from my neck. “Hardly at all, right now. I’m very used to your scent, and like I said, hunting helps.”

I turned back to Carlisle.

“The smell of blood doesn’t bother me anymore, but I feel better after hunting as well.”

I pursed my lips together. We were quiet for a few minutes. They were probably letting me process, but I was scheming. “Maybe we could breed rabbits, and then you’ll always have snacks?”

Esme cracked a smile. “Won’t you find that a bit morbid, sweet one?”

“I don’t know, we could make a nice bunny habitat in the backyard…” I trailed off. “Okay, it’s a bit morbid. But if it helps, I could numb myself to it,” I said brightly. Esme shook her head at me.

“I appreciate the sentiment,” Esme said, tucking a lose curl behind my ear. “Now, why don’t we take a break from that and make you something for breakfast?”

“Okay,” I conceded. “I still love you, Esme. Everyone makes mistakes.”

Esme turned back to me, looking like she was going to cry again. She reached forward and pulled me into her lap, letting out shaky sobs into my neck. I tried to hold her tightly, surprised to not be the one crying for a change. It really had to weigh on her.

“Why don’t you two lay down, and I’ll get breakfast ready?” Carlisle offered. I reached behind me and found purchase, grabbing onto him.

“Stay,” I insisted.

I turned back into the middle of a vampire sandwich as I held Esme. She whimpered some things into my neck, but I couldn’t hear.

Esme’s breathing evened out eventually, and her quiet words into my neck became kisses.

“We were talking about babies,” I murmured, deciding enough time had passed and it was okay to change the subjects.

“Mm, you’re my baby right now,” Esme cooed, a hand sliding down to the back of my knee before hiking my leg over her hip. She peppered my face with kisses while Carlisle’s chilly fingers found my ticklish spots.

“Ah! Mercy, mercy!”

Carlisle stopped when I was breathless, pulling me up into his lap and resting his head on my shoulder. He held out a hand for Esme, who moved under his arm, and then he kissed my cheek and then hers. He sighed happily before insisting that I needed to eat something.

Carlisle warmed up some lasagna while Esme pulled out the family photo albums. I sat between her legs on the floor, flipping through as she braided my hair.

“Carlisle’s so handsome,” I said with a smile, tapping the picture of him in a tuxedo.

“That’s from Alice and Jasper’s first wedding,” Esme smiled.

I turned the page. “Oh, Es, you’re so beautiful.” Page after page of pictures. Esme handed me one of the older volumes.

“Is this Edward?” I asked. There was a boy with bed-head hair sitting on a piano bench, an arm around Esme. The both of them smiled.

“Yes,” she murmured. I flipped through the album, finding a page with Esme and Carlisle, covered in what appeared to be mud, grinning as they sat in a stream. There were other pictures—Carlisle and Edward in front of an old car (probably modern for the era), Esme and Edward reading a book, Carlisle and Esme dressed up, with a pie in Esme’s hands. Edward and Esme carrying overflowing boxes of wrapped gifts, grinning at the camera. A picture of Esme and Edward up in a tree, reading books. A picture of Esme hanging upside down on a tree branch, and Carlisle leaning up to kiss her.

“He was such a typical boy about those pictures. I believe he said ‘ew’ as he took that one,” Esme said with a laugh.

“He looks nice.” I said.

“He is,” Esme replied, leaning forward to make eye contact with me. “Why?”

Oops. “I guess I’m a little freaked out by the mind-reading thing.” I admitted. She nodded, leaning back to tie off the braid.

“It takes some getting used to, but he’s a nice boy. He used to get a little down sometimes, but Bella doesn’t let him get into a funk these days. She keeps him young.”

I flipped the page to a wedding picture of Carlisle and Esme. “How old are you?”

Esme tapped the top of my head, and I leaned back to make eye contact.

“I’m one hundred and twenty-four, darling. I was born in 1895. Carlisle turned me in 1921, when I was twenty-six.” Her voice got softer as she got to the end of the sentence, and she looked at me, not blinking.

I looked at her for a minute. “Okay, that’s not so bad.”

Esme laughed, shaking her head. “You’re going to get along well with Bella.”

Carlisle sauntered into the living room, placing a plate of lasagna and a mug of water on the coffee table. He sat on the other side of the coffee table.

“I’m three-hundred and fifty-six. Approximately,” Carlisle said, folding his arms on the table and waiting for me to scream.

I let out a breath. “Okay, that’s not too bad either,” I said, relieved.

Carlisle laughed once, then gave me a confused look. “What would’ve been a bad number?”

I shrugged, picking up my fork and knife. “I dunno. A thousand or two would probably freak me out a bit.”

“Most of our family is younger than that.”

“Most?”

“A few of our Alaskan cousins are older.”

Uh oh. I grimaced. “Don’t tell them I said that.”

“Cross my heart.” Carlisle promised with a smile.

I cut the lasagna and scooped up a mouth-sized piece. “Will they be attending the January family vacation?”

Carlisle shook his head, still highly amused judging by his smile. “Just close family. Alice has been texting me every hour about when she can visit again now that you’re home.”

Now that you’re home.

“That would be nice,” I said. “At least I’ll know her and Jasper before the vacation.”

Carlisle’s phone dinged. “That’ll be Alice.” He said with a grin. He pulled his phone out, and it began to ring. Carlisle wordlessly put it on speaker, and Alice’s delighted shriek crackled through the speaker.

“Deirdre, we need to get you some swimsuits! Oh, and sundresses! I’ve got a Pinterest board ready. Eeeee!”

I heard Jasper’s deep chuckle, and his low voice soothing his mate.

Alice gasped. “Ooh, and then we can plan the wedding!”

“Alice,” Carlisle warned.

“And we can play truth-or-dare,” she said excitedly.

“Absolutely not,” Esme said firmly.

“But mom,” she whined.

“What’s wrong with truth-or-dare?” I asked, deciding not to touch the wedding thing with a ten-foot pole.

“Our family gets a bit… intense. And competitive.” Carlisle explained. “No truth-or-dare, Alice.”

Alice huffed on the other side of the line. “Fine. But I’m bringing my wedding portfolio so Deirdre can see her options.”

“Alice,” Esme growled.

“What? Oh god, don’t tell me you haven’t proposed yet! I’ve seen it seven different times in the last week!”

“I’m ending this call,” Carlisle warned.

“Bye Alice!” I called, popping another piece of lasagna in my mouth.

“B-”

Carlisle pressed the end call button, wincing as he set it aside.

I ate my lasagna, doing my best to mind my own business.

“We decided to give you some time before asking,” Carlisle explained.

“Okie dokie,” I murmured.

“I do love how you’ve been wearing your bracelet,” Carlisle said, his hand moving over to finger the silver bracelet. “It’ll be satisfying to see you wear your ring.”

I’m pretty sure I blushed from my head to my toes.

Chapter Text

Chapter 15 - Obstreperous

Carlisle knocked on the glass door, giving me a wave and a smile. I put a finger up to ask for a minute, packing my bag and locking down the computer.

I swiped out, and Carlisle took my bag and then my hand. Shifts where we finished at the same time (or half an hour earlier, in Carlisle’s case) were the best.

Alice and Jasper were coming tomorrow, and I’d mentioned to Carlisle I’d miss him the two days he went hunting with Jasper. Ever since, Mr. Wait-For-Marriage had been extra affectionate in his own way—braiding my hair before bed, rubbing my shoulders, holding my mitten-clad hand as we walked around the neighbourhood (really, just a forest walk along a road with mailboxes every now and then). He’d even drawn me a bath once we’d gotten home before leaving for his shift.

“Tiring day?” he asked, opening the passenger side door for me.

“A bit. Just thinking,” I said, crawling into the car. Before I’d had time to, he leaned in and buckled me into my seat.

“Thanks,” I murmured, feeling my eyes begin to flutter as I leaned back. Carlisle chuckled, pecking me on the forehead before walking around the car at a human pace and getting in on his side. At home, he and Esme regularly did things at their vampire speed unless they were concerned they’d hurt or scare me. Carlisle slid into his seat, and I felt like a needy child holding my hand out expectantly. He reversed the car out of the parking spot, putting the car into drive before taking my hand.

“How was the hospital?” I asked.

“Busy,” he said, grimacing at the windshield. “Cold and flu season is upon us, my love.”

“Mm, I know. We’ve got a couple residents already ill.”

“Did you get the flu shot offered to hospital staff?”

“Yep. Got it today. My shoulder’s still sore.”

His eyes crinkled as he smiled slightly. “Good girl. A flu shot’s better than nothing, but I’ve picked you up some vitamins as well.”

“Thank you,” I murmured sincerely, deciding just to rest my eyes for a moment.

I woke up in Carlisle’s arms in the front hallway. Esme was pulling off my shoes and setting them aside, before helping Carlisle with his.

“Soup?” I mumbled, inhaling a spicy scent.

“Yes,” Esme confirmed, standing to kiss my cheek before kissing Carlisle. “Give me our girl,” she said to him, at my volume for my peace of mind. “I’ll get her ready while you shower.”

Carlisle transferred me over as easily as if I were a teddy bear. I felt the motion of moving, and then Esme was sitting me on the stool in our closet.

“Carlisle said you’re a bit wheezy,” Esme murmured. “I hear it too. You might need to call out tomorrow.”

I shook my head. “I feel okay, I’m just a bit tired. I got the flu shot today; sometimes it makes me feel rotten.” I said as she unzipped my dress and pulled it over my head. She rested her hands on my shoulder, and I shivered from the chill.

“You’re a bit warm, darling,” Esme said, tutting to herself as she fetched my pyjamas and something for Carlisle to change into. I pulled off my leggings, underwear, and bra. Esme put the clothes out for Carlisle, then surprised me by hugging me to her. It felt like being pulled against a chilly block of concrete, and I sucked in a breath as her hands moved up and down my back.

Carlisle finished with the bathroom, and Esme released me, informing me dinner was ready whenever I was done showering. I zipped in, turning the temperature to warm before enclosing myself in the glass box.

The heat of the shower felt nice as first. I scrubbed away the musty smell of the long-term care wing, and the slippery coating of hand sanitizer my hands and wrists developed over the course of the afternoon. I shampooed and conditioned my hair, hoping someone would brush it and braid it.

I turned off the shower, suddenly feeling lightheaded. Black spots appeared in my vision, and I had the wherewithal to sit on the bathmat and call out for Esme. She appeared seconds later, Carlisle on her heels.

“I think I’m going to pass out,” I said weakly.

“Duckling, you’re as red as a lobster,” Carlisle said, taking charge in the situation. He had Esme stand me up, and he dried me off before they got me into pyjamas. Carlisle explained how hot showers make your blood vessels open in an effort to cool you down, and moving around quickly can make you dizzy as there’s not enough oxygen going to the brain.

“So no more boiling yourself in the shower,” Carlisle chided, tapping my nose gently with his index finger as he smiled at me, seemingly amused by my foolishness.

“Okay,” I conceded. I felt a lot better, though Esme insisted on carrying me to the couch and feeding me spoonfuls of soup as we watched a televised orchestra performance of Tchaikovsky’s music for The Nutcracker.

Carlisle held me on his lap while Esme brushed my hair, and I in turn played with his hair and asked about what he’d like for Christmas.

“All I’d like for Christmas is time with you and Esme,” he replied.

“I can’t wrap that,” I argued. As Esme finished with one braid, I leaned my head against his shoulder. “I can’t get you chocolates or candy or snacks, or travel mugs or kitchenware. You’ve got about a hundred ties in the closet and all your clothing is in nice condition. Fuzzy blankets and hats and scarves aren’t going to do anything for you, and Esme said you’ve got a library’s worth of books in storage. Es banned me from embroidering, so that’s off the table. I need some hints, old man.”

Carlisle pulled me closer, chuckling against my neck. “So I’m an old man, am I?”

“You’re hundreds of years old,” I reminded him lightly. “What am I supposed to get for someone who’s seen it all and has what he wants?”

“You don’t need to get me something for Christmas, Deedee. All I want is to spend time together, I told you that.”

I felt a little deflated, and I was glad Esme was done with my hair so I could stand up and make an excuse that I was going to the bathroom. I closed the door softly, padding over to the tub to sit on the edge and cry into my hands. Of course he didn't want to 'do Christmas'. For God's sake, he had an actual cross in the house, was waiting for marriage, and didn't seem to care much for material goods beyond maintaining appearances. Esme would probably think I was being silly too. They'd both lived so long, if they wanted something they probably bought it. Obviously, money was no issue for them. There was no reason for them to hang their hopes and dreams on a holiday blown out of proportion by capitalism, even if I had hung my cheap little heart on it. I thought I was being quiet, but the first sniffle brought Carlisle knocking.

“Deirdre, can I come in?”

“No,” I said, as evenly as I could. I heard him sigh.

“Little one, let me come in.”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” I said, wiping tears out of my eyes.

“Kitten,” Esme called. “Let’s talk about it. You’re upset.”

“You’re just going to tell me I’m silly,” I said, my chest shaking as I pulled in a breath. The doorknob twisted, and Carlisle’s eyes set on me. He walked over slowly, kneeling down in front of me. I closed my eyes to avoid his gaze.

“I won’t.” Carlisle promised. His hand smoothed over one of my braids. “May I take a guess?”

I shrugged, my toes curling as I willed myself to shrivel into a pit and roll away. Unfortunately, Carlisle’s hand on my knee grounded me, and I knew there was no escaping this talk.

“You’d like to have Christmas together, is that right?”

I gave a little nod.

He continued. “I’m not being very helpful, then, am I?”

I shook my head. “I…” It was so hard to talk while crying. “H-haven’t done Christmas s-since I was twelve, and I just th-thought, I j-just…”

Carlisle lifted me off the edge of the tub, cradling me in his arms as he walked back to the living room. He sat down where we’d just been, and Esme curled up with us.

“Well I feel like a Scrooge now,” Carlisle said lightly. I laughed in surprise, my teeth chattering from nerves. Esme draped a blanket around my shoulders.

“I just wanted to do stockings,” I said, wiping my wet eyes with a corner of the blanket.

“How about you do our stockings, I’ll do your stocking and a present for Carlisle, and Carlisle will do a present for each of us?” Esme suggested. I glanced at Carlisle, then nodded.

“Wonderful." He said. He was back to his gentle voice, the one he reserved for when I was most nervous or scared. "Now, what would our sweet girl like for Christmas, since she has been so good this year?”

I’m pretty sure I turned maroon with embarrassment. “I…um…”

Esme giggled and leaned forward to kiss my cheek, her hand rubbing my back over the blanket. “How about we all make a list?”

I nodded, breathing a sigh of relief and curling up against Carlisle.

“You’ll have lots of time tomorrow since you’re taking the day off sick,” Carlisle said.

“No I’m not,” I said, yawning.

“Yes, you are. You’re wheezing, not that you can hear it, and you’ll be coughing by the early morning. Working while sick is miserable, and you’d be endangering the patients in the LTC by going to work.”

I shook my head at him, meeting his gaze. “Fitz will be mad.” Surely he'd know that.

“If Fitz has an issue with it, he can take it up with me,” Carlisle said firmly. “I expect you’ll sleep in tomorrow, rest, and drink lots of fluids.”

“Alright, old man,” I teased. Something flickered in Carlisle’s eyes.

His eyes were bright and mischievous as he grinned at his wife. “Did you hear that, Esme? I think our girl’s being a bit cheeky.”

I shivered, and Esme tsked. “Naughty thing,” she murmured, her eyes molten gold.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” I told him, feeling a bit brazen. “You’re not going to do a thing about it, anyway. We all know you’re waiting for mar- Hey!”

Carlisle threw me onto his shoulder and walked to the bedroom, his slow speed apparently for my humiliation.

“If you’re going to be so insolent, perhaps it’s bedtime for our little one.”

“No!” I whined, laughing despite myself. “You’re not old. You’re very young, for a vampire, I’m sure. The youngest, excellent-est grandpa—Eeeee!”

Carlisle’s fingers zapped me in the side and I shrieked, wiggling uncontrollably. He settled me down on the bed, taking my wrists in one hand and pining them over my head. To my surprise, some cuffs came out of no where, and soon my hands were restrained and he had both of his to roam over my neck, under my arms, and down my sides and I squeaked. Esme laid down beside me, practically purring as she watched her husband torture me.

“Are these cuffs always on the bed?” I asked breathlessly, wiggling my arms the little that I could.

“They are,” Esme confirmed. “They’re my favourite. Carlisle’s so beautiful when he’s all tied up with no where to go.”

“I’m starting to understand your fascination with them,” he said to her, his chilly hands moving under my pyjama shirt to lightly drag over my hips, causing my body to spasm under his touch.

“Say, I’m sorry Carlisle.” He told me, fingers dragging over my tummy.

“I’m sorry, Carlisle,” I said quickly. Esme chuckled.

“Say, I promise to be a good girl tomorrow and drink lots of water.”

“I promise to be a good girl… tomorrow…and drink lots of water.” My brain was turning to mush as I got lost in his gaze, so playful and pleased. I wondered if he was like this when he made love.

“Say, I won’t be obstreperous this weekend.”

“I won’t be obstrepereperous—”

“Ob-strep-er-ous.”

“Ob…” I trailed off. Shoot, what was the word? “Ob-strep-er-ous.”

“Good girl. Mm… say I love you.”

“I love you,” I murmured breathlessly.

“I love you too, sweetheart.” He said, leaning forward to nuzzle me with his nose and peck me on the lips. I felt like a sock full of Jell-o as I laid there, dazed.

Carlisle looked over to Esme, then back to me. “I think someone quite enjoyed being disciplined.”

“I think she did. Did you like that, Deirdre?”

“I think I liked it more than I should,” I murmured airily.

Carlisle released my wrists from the cuffs, rubbing them even though they were hardly sore, and bringing them to his mouth to receive gentle kisses. He sighed. “I’ll miss my girls this weekend.” He said, looking from me to Esme.

“We’ll miss you too,” Esme said. I nodded, one shaky hand moving to grab them hem of his shirt.

“Do I have to go to bed now?” I asked.

Carlisle hummed. “Well, that depends.”

“On?”

He got that delicious glint in his eye. “That’s dependent on if you are our good girl.”

I shut my eyes and played dead, and Esme laughed. I felt her hands roam over me, finding good places to grip as she pulled me to her. She kissed my neck. “Oh, that’s a good girl.”

My eyes were ready to roll into the back of my head. I stretched a little, then sagged against Esme.

“Oh Carlisle, isn’t she marvelous?” Esme asked. I’d learned that they spoke quietly when they didn’t want me to hear, so obviously the compliment was not a secret.

“She is.” He confirmed, his voice warm and comforting. “And I almost wish I had a good reason to chastise her.”

Esme hummed in agreement, giving me a squeeze. “She takes it well, doesn’t she? She’s like you in that regard.”

I think they said some other things, but I was off to sleep before it could be committed to memory.

In the middle of the night, I coughed myself awake. Carlisle gave me some awful tasting medicine and some juice, propping me up in the pillows to help me breathe better. He woke me early in the morning to kiss my forehead, tell me I ought to drink lots of water, and he’d give me a call in the evening to say goodnight. Drowsily, I’d told him to have a nice hunt.

In the morning, I felt like garbage. Carlisle had phoned in for me, Esme had told me. She reheated some soup for me as Alice played with my hair and gleefully recounted story after story to us both. Alice even wrote out my Christmas list for me, as Carlisle had texted and asked for it. Apparently I would have taken “ages” to think of what I’d like, so Alice cut out the middleman so to speak.

True to her word, Alice had brought multiple albums of wedding stuff. She tried to show me different things, but it all looked too gawdy and expensive.

“Whatever Esme likes,” I murmured, laying my head back down on my lover’s lap to escape Alice’s unending questions. Every now and then, I coughed so hard I had to sit up. Esme rubbed my back until I sagged back against her.

“Alice, perhaps this conversation would be a bit more productive at a later date,”

“I know it will be, but the more I ask now, the clearer your future decisions become. Can I paint your toenails, Deirdre?”

“Mm sure,” I mumbled. Esme was scratching my scalp, and Alice could amputate my feet for all I cared.

Half an hour later I had white toenails with little pine trees and snowmen.

Alice sat on the floor in front of the couch so she was eye level with me. She patted my cheek lightly.

“Jasper had such a spring in his step when he picked up Carlisle. I’m glad you three are happy now.”

“We are,” Esme confirmed. “We had some… rough days, without Deirdre, but we’re together again. Knowing the secret helps, I think, doesn’t it Deedee?”

“Mhm,” I hummed, my eyes fluttering shut again. “Carlisle got shot.”

“I know,” Alice said. “I called him when I saw those men go in your apartment.”

My eyes flashed open.

She smiled at me. “Oh, dad was asking for updates on you multiple times a day. I’d just send them a few times a day, to the point he didn’t have to ask. Mom just watched you from the parking lot—”

“Alice,” Esme warned, her hand moving gently over my ear.

“The parking lot of the hospital?” I asked, turning to look at Esme.

She frowned, glaring at her ‘daughter’ before turning back to me, her expression softening. “I was worried something would happen to you again. I called Carlisle a couple times to get some more nurses in there, on days you were really understaffed. Alice called once, because Lucy would’ve been kicked in the face by a resident if there weren’t enough staff in to help her deal with Mr. Murphy.”

“Oh, Mr. Murphy can get pretty violent,” I said to myself. I shook my head. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You don’t like it when Carlisle and I look out for you. You find it overbearing.” Esme pointed out. “You’re not upset, are you?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head as I rested my head on her thighs again. Ouch. No more head shaking. I could feel her relax.

“See?” Alice said. “No big deal.”

Esme traced my ear as they talked about taking a Christmas card picture. They wanted me in it this year, but they had to take one without me to send to some of their friends, since they didn’t want them to know about me until I was a vampire.

It was the until I was a vampire that ping-ponged around my brain as they discussed colour schemes and if we should all wear the same colour or different colours.

Carlisle called at seven o’clock, and I took Esme’s phone to the bedroom to chat with him. I crawled into bed, settling into the covers while he went through his checklist—rest, breakfast, lunch, dinner, meds, fluids.

“Good girl,” he said.

“You’re making me blush,” I accused.

“Good.”

Oof. I squirmed around. “Don’t say stuff like that. I bet Jasper can hear you.”

“He can,” Carlisle said simply. “Would you care to say hi?”

“Tell him hi from me,” I said. I heard a dark chuckle in the distance. “Tell him Alice painted my toes and asked me more questions than I’ve ever been asked in my life.”

“Sounds like Alice,” Jasper’s voice, low and calming, sounded from a short distance.

“That’s just Alice,” Carlisle said. “I hope she let you get some rest,” he continued, this time more stern.

“She did. Esme made sure of it,” I assured him.

“Excellent. Well, I’ve emailed my list to Alice—apparently she’s taking you to the mall tomorrow.”

“She mentioned the mall, but not your list.” I said. “What’d you put on your list?”

“A new tie, new socks, a travel mug…”

“You don’t drink coffee,” I reminded him.

“It’s for appearances, sweetheart. And I’d very much like to tote around something from you.” God, he was smooth. “Um, I’d also like a petname for Christmas. Other than old man and excellent grandpa.”

I could hear Jasper laugh in the background. “Okay,” I said, contemplating how to put a petname in a stocking.

“I’d like a picture of you for my wallet, too,” he requested softly.

“I think I can make that happen,” I answered.

“I look forward to it, then. Alice also forwarded me your list. Well, allegedly your list—it was in her handwriting.” He paused for a long minute. “Is that what you really want for Christmas, love?”

I felt a little guilty. “I mean, they don’t have to be expensive boots, just something to keep out the wet snow when we go on walks. I have thick socks I can wear…”

Carlisle was silent for a minute. “Duckling, you want boots for Christmas?”

“I… yeah? Didn’t Alice send you the list?”

In the background, I could hear Jasper cackling.

“I think she sent me a different list,” Carlisle said. “Perhaps you’d better tell me yourself. Boots…?”

“Just boots,” I said. “Esme knows I want some chocolate and socks and lip balm in my stocking.”

“Just boots, and nothing for the bedroom?”

“What?” I said, too surprised to filter.

“Never you mind, love. Just Alice playing around.”

I sat up. “No, now I want to know what she said!”

Carlisle groaned. “Later, sweetheart. I would like to discuss this little list with her first.”

“Carlisle, what did she say I wanted? We’ve got a hotel’s worth of pillows in here…” I trailed off. Oh. That kind of bedroom stuff.

“Later,” he promised. Esme came into the room, holding her hand out for the phone as Alice bounced into the room, a grin on her little fairy face.

“Carlisle,” I argued, holding the phone tightly. Esme sat on the bed.

“I’d like to know, too,” she said, giving Alice a glance.

“Just forward them the list, Carlisle,” Alice replied happily.

“Deirdre, can you pass the phone to Esme please?” Carlisle asked.

“No, tell me first,” I insisted. Esme tickled my neck and I squeaked. Unsuccessful, she tried my ribs and I released my hold on the phone. Esme kissed my forehead, then said something to Carlisle. They continued their quiet conversation as Alice smiled at me, displaying nearly all of her teeth in a grin that would put the Cheshire cat to shame.

“Say goodnight to Carlisle,” Esme said, handing me the phone.

“Is he going to tell me?” I asked, taking it and pressing it to my ear.

“It’s more of an in-person conversation, Deirdre. Alice sent us a list of sex toys she… thinks you’d enjoy.”

I think the blood drained from my face. Okay, I knew it, but putting it in words seemed to make it worse than the vaugue idea of it.

“Deirdre?” he called into the phone.

“O-okay, let’s talk later.” I agreed. Esme tried not to smile. “Goodnight Carlisle. Have a tasty evening.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart. Goodnight, Esme.”

“Goodnight,” she murmured beside me.

“I love you both, my sweet girls.”

“And we love you too,” I said, suddenly a bit shy to have Alice and Jasper on the phone call with us.

“We do,” Esme echoed.

“And I’m lucky for it.” Carlisle said, his voice as gentle and as smooth as a lazy river. “See you tomorrow night.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 16: Revelations

Alice toted me through the mall like a Tasmanian Devil on a sugar high. The first stop was actually at the outlet mall, getting some craft bits and bobs that Esme had asked for. I couldn’t help getting some other colours of thread that I thought looked pretty.

Next, Alice took me to a nice menswear store, standing aside while I picked a tie and socks for Carlisle. They also had some cufflinks on sale, and when I turned to Alice she gave me a nod and a smile. There were ones that were silver with clovers, and they reminded me of the crest on my bracelet.

Finding a travel mug was easy, although Alice had to wait for me as I hemmed and hawed over the three different blue mugs. I finally decided on the one that looked sturdy and easy to wash, since it would last longest.

There was also a woman’s tool belt at the Marshall’s, and I got sucked in thinking how Esme would look wearing it. That went in the cart.

After a few more stops, it was Alice’s turn to take the lead.

“Just remember that Carlisle is unfathomably rich, and nice clothes for you is really a gift for all three of you.”

I cast Alice a look. “Just because they have money doesn’t mean we need to spend it in excess.”

She groaned. “You’re going to get along great with Bella.”

I was liking this girl already.

To my surprise, one of the first stops was a clothing store for older women. I raised a brow at Alice.

“Pyjamas,” she explained. “Look how dowdy these are. Carlisle’s going to go feral.”

I muffled my laugh in my hands, not wanting to garner the attention of the elder women at the check-out counter. “Are you pulling a prank on me, or are you serious?”

“Oh, I’m serious,” Alice said, looking through the rack to find a cream-coloured night gown, long-sleeved and nearly floor length. It was lightly elasticated around the bust with some decorative buttons. She looked off in the distance, slightly unfocused, and then grabbed me a second one in light pink.

“Thank me later,” she told me, before striding confidently over to check out. I looked back to the nightgown, remembering all the awful and modest clothing the cult women had worn.

Thoughts on modesty were thrown out the window in the next store—lingerie. Esme had put it on her list for her stocking, and Alice knew exactly her size (I tried not to think on that too much). Alice also insisted we buy some for me, much to my horror. I talked her down from crotchless thongs and corsets to a few teddies and slips. Next up was sundresses, and by that time I was so tired I let Alice pick whatever she wanted.

Alice insisted I needed three separate swimsuits. I gravitated to the plain one-pieces, but Alice was having none of it. I ended up with one white-and-black retro one piece, a pink tankini, and a red bikini that I told Alice I was never going to wear, under any circumstances.

“My underwear is more substantial than this!” I whined to her. She tapped her credit card, paying me no mind at all.

“Esme thinks your tummy is cute, and if we come home without at least one bikini, she’s going to be a little disappointed.” Alice told me, taking the new bag and adding it to her collection as we walked out.

“Esme likes my tummy?” I said, a hand moving towards my stomach before I realized.

“Mhm. She’d call me sometimes, when she was checking on you at the hospital, and just talk about you.”

“What else did she say?” I asked, looking around like Esme could pop out any second.

“She likes your laugh, your dimples, your freckles, the way you mouth things to yourself when you think really hard. She likes making you blush, and apparently, it’s very easy. She likes how easily you relax at home—she finds it soothing.”

I didn’t know what to say. “I never thought of myself like that.” I said.

Alice shrugged. “All the women in our family are curvy and muscular or soft, except me. Sometimes I wish I were too, but Jazz always says he likes me the way I am.”

I shook my head at Alice. “You’re beautiful just as you are, Alice.”

She smiled, this time a gentle one, not an out-of-control grin. “Thanks, Deirdre.”

We hit a few more places, then headed home. Alice instructed me to buy tissue paper (she made reference to some sort of accident with the regular wrapping paper, but gave no details), and I spent the next hour meticulously pulling off price tags, wrapping, and setting presents inside a pretty green box. Alice put my new clothes on to wash, then gave me some details about her siblings.

Edward was turned by Carlisle when he was seventeen. He was dying of the Spanish flu, and his mom had asked Carlisle to save him. Edward was not super happy with Carlisle, but as a mind reader, understood from his thoughts that Carlisle hadn’t meant to cause harm.

Esme was changed next, also by Carlisle. He’d met her when she was younger, but she re-appeared at the hospital in the morgue and he’d taken her home.

Rosalie was changed by Carlisle, after Esme was in the family. I’d need to hear Rosalie’s story from her, but Alice informed me that she was also dying when Carlisle had saved her. So had Esme, and Alice urged me to talk to them about it after she left. Rosalie was not happy being ‘saved’ and was still ‘grumpy’ about being a vampire.

Emmett was mauled by a bear, and would’ve died if Rosalie hadn’t brought him to Carlisle. From the moment he woke up, Emmett was infatuated with her. He’s pretty happy-go-lucky and loves games and competitions.

Jasper was a major in the confederate army. He’d been changed by a woman named Maria, who enlisted him into her own vampire army of ‘newborn’ vampires. Jasper admits to having been racist as a young man, but being among all sorts of people as a ‘newborn’ vampire made him realize how awful slavery was and how wrong racial superiority was. I was kind of shocked to hear what Jasper had been like, but relieved he’d changed according to Alice.

Alice herself didn’t remember anything of her past. They’d found out later on that she was committed to an asylum for her ‘visions’ as a human. Her earliest memories were of waking as a vampire, seeing Jasper, and the Cullens.

“Who are the Cullens?” I asked.

She blinked. “That’s us, our family. I forgot that Carlisle changed his surname here, to help go undetected.”

“Cullen. Huh.” I said. It felt strange in my mouth. Carlisle Cullen. Esme Cullen. Deirdre…

“Yup.”

Bella was only a ‘few years old’ as a vampire, but her restrain was quite good. She met Edward at high school (I stopped here and had Alice explain why in the world they would do that to themselves). Bella was intelligent, caring, selfless, and stubborn.

Next, Alice launched into the Nessie debacle, which made my head spin. At the very least, I learned that it would be bad for other vampires to know about me, at least until I was a vampire too.

Until.

“Do you think you’ll have a baby with Carlisle and Esme?” Alice asked, painting her own fingernails as I tidied up from all my wrapping.

“I don’t know, Alice. Maybe. We’ve barely talked about it. Carlisle said he and Esme would like one, but that it’s hard on the body.”

Alice nodded. “We all thought Bella would die. But she totally didn’t! I mean, she became a vampire, but we all learned a lot about hybrid pregnancies. Anyway, Esme will be home in two minutes, so we’d better change the subject.”

I pushed the box of presents beside the fireplace. “I’m going to grab a snack. I know you don’t want any.”

“Thanks anyway!” Alice said cheerfully. The dryer buzzed, and she disappeared.

I put some leftovers in the microwave, and then went to the door to wait for Esme. Not thirty seconds later, she pulled into the driveway, hopped out of the car, and raced over to me.

“Oh, I missed you so much!” she said, her chilly hands moving to my cheeks as she leaned in for a kiss. I hummed, and she backed me inside the house, shutting the door.

“I’ll get the presents out to wrap while you sleep. Tell me how your shopping trip went with Alice.” She demanded, one hand holding mine while she leaned down to take off her boots and put them in the closet.

“It was good. Alice is very convenient to shop with. I didn’t even have to try things on.”

Esme’s smile widened. “I’ll have to thank her—she went easy on you, sweetheart.”

Uh oh.

I unzipped her coat, and she paused her quick movements to allow me to take it off of her and hang it in the closet. Her hand moved to the back of my neck, and she pulled me in for a long kiss, releasing my only when the microwave began to chirp from the kitchen.

“You go start eating. I’m going to change.”

She kissed my cheek, then gave me a little spank to get me to move. I cast her a surprise look, but she just winked at me.

Bum still tingling, I sat at the kitchen table and ate my food, thinking about the January vacation. Alice had let it slip that we were going to an island—a private island that Carlisle and Esme owned.

What. The. Eff.

I sat down at the table to eat my tortilla with cheese. It felt wrong to call it a cheese quesadilla.

“I hope you’re not thinking that’s dinner,” Esme said, striding over to the cabinets. She pulled down various bottles, collecting a handful of pills before transferring them to a little cup. She poured me a glass of orange juice and began to pull things out of the fridge.

“I’m not that hungry,” I said, taking the pills while she made me a second quesadilla, this time with sliced turkey and bell peppers. She also put it in the skillet—fancy.

“You need to stay healthy. It’s cold and flu season,” Esme insisted, flipping over the quesadilla.

“It’s 2019, I’m not going to die from the flu,” I said. “Don’t tell Edward I said that.”

Esme whipped around, her gaze confused for a split second. “Chatting with Alice?”

“She gave me some more details about everyone. Y’know, for the trip.”

“Did she tell you about me?” Esme asked, rubbing the back of her neck. I reached a hand out for her, and she took it, letting me pull her over to where I sat.

“She said Carlisle met you when you were younger, but that you later ended up in the morgue and he took you home.”

Esme nodded. “That’s right. I wasn’t quite dead, so Carlisle was able to turn me. Is that all she said?”

“Yes,” I said, my turn to be confused. “Is that not the full story?”

Esme looked sad, like when she told me about her accidents. “Can we talk about it later?” she asked.

“Of course,” I murmured, pulling a wrist to my mouth to kiss it. She sighed (not that she had to breathe at all apparently), her body sagging a bit forward as she relaxed. She pulled my head forward, so my cheek rested against her stomach, and she sighed again.

“I love you, Deirdre. Thank you for being my sweet girl.”

I felt warm and fuzzy. “I love you too.”

She stood there for another few minutes, just sighing quietly to herself rocking a little bit as she pressed my head against her.

“Carlisle and Jasper will be home in about five minutes.”

I jerked, but my head didn’t go far in Esme’s hands. Alice’s voice came from behind me.

“They’ll be home early,” Esme said.

“Carlisle’s been missing his girls, apparently,” Alice said with a laugh. She moved to stand where I could see her, which I appreciated. She winked at me. “Not that I mind, of course. I’ve been missing Jazz since he left.” She smiled, her eyes unfocusing. I wondered if she got to choose when she looked into the future, or if it just happened, or a bit of both. Her smile melted into a frown, and then she blinked, her eyes wide and her lips pursed. She looked to me, then Esme, and I could see her lips moving quickly.

“Is everything alright?” I asked Esme. I instantly thought of Henry and John-David.

“Yes, perfectly fine,” Esme said, letting go of me to check on the quesadilla. When I looked back to Alice, she had the unfocused look on her face again.

“Esme, you’d tell me if something was wrong, right?” I asked, gripping the wooden back of the kitchen chair.

“I’d tell you everything to keep you safe,” she assured. Alice was as still as a statue, eyes glazed.

I shook my head. “That’s not the same thing, necessarily.”

She took the pan off the stove, picking up the hot quesadilla and setting it on my plate. “Hot. Don’t touch,” she said, moving to set the skillet in the sink.

I got hit with a wave of nausea. Something was wrong. I pushed the plate away, standing and walking out to the bedroom.

“Duckling?” Esme called after me.

“I’m grabbing a sweater,” I called back. I checked the windows in the bathroom and the bedroom before grabbing one of Carlisle’s sweaters and shutting myself in the walk-in closet. I moved a few pairs of shoes to wedge myself between my dresser and some suitcases. My stomach hurt, and nervousness prickled around my shoulders and down my spine.

Having a moment to myself was a blessing and a curse. I didn’t snap and say something rude to Esme in front of Alice, but now I was left to panic on my own. Was it the Valentis? Vorteris? Did other vampires know about us? They could hurt Carlisle and Esme for sure. Alice had said the most skilled fighters were Jasper (based on experience), Edward (based on mind-reading opponents) and Emmett (based on strength). I shuddered. This was all my fault.

I heard footsteps, and then a voice. “Oh where, oh where has my little duckling gone? Oh where, oh where could she be?”

I was too worried to be swayed by Carlisle’s little song. He pulled the closet door opening, his eyes softening as they flitted over me. He removed his scarf, setting it on top of my dresser before kneeling down in front of me.

“I suppose this isn’t a sweet game of hide and seek, is it, my love?”

His eyes were luminously golden, studying me as I tried cry as quietly as possible, although Alice and Jasper surely could hear my shaky breaths.

“Come here,” he said, sitting cross-legged and patting his thigh. I released my death hold on my knees, reaching out for him and letting him pull me into his lap.

“Oh dear, oh dear,” he murmured into my hair, patting my back as I turned against his shoulder. He was chilly, but I didn't mind. It was much more important to be close to him.

I was too scared to vocalize my fear, and luckily Carlisle had endless patience. He waited until I’d tired myself out, nearly falling asleep on him.

“Tell me what’s happened,” he asked, his hand moving slowly up and down my back.

I swallowed, my mouth dry, and sighed heavily.

“That’s not an answer, my love. Remember when you promised not to be obstreperous this weekend?”

I played with the zipper on his sweater. “Is this for show?”

“My sweater? Well, it’s December, sweet one. I can’t walk around in a t-shirt, never mind that it would feel the same—what would the townspeople say? And you are trying to change the subject, so allow me to phrase this clearly: Deirdre, you need to tell me what’s wrong, or you will receive a spanking, after which you will still tell me what’s wrong.”

I studied the shoes on Esme’s side of the closet. “If someone were to find out about us, another vampire, the mean Italian vampires would come kill us, wouldn’t they?”

Carlisle made an annoyed noise, almost a scoff, and then pulled me a bit backward so he could see my eyes. “No one is coming to kill us, Deirdre.”

“Not yet, maybe,” I said. “But it could happen, couldn’t it? They’d hurt you and Es because of me.”

It was Carlisle’s turn to sigh. He closed his eyes for a minute, the pads of his thumbs running over my arms as he held me in his lap. “Deirdre, if the Volturi found out about us, we would just change you. It wouldn’t be a big deal.”

“I don’t believe you,” I said quietly.

He pressed my nose with his index finger. “I don’t think you should be spending so much time with Alice, if she’s going to fill your head with such worries.”

“That’s unfair,” I protested. “At least Alice gives me some sort of heads-up about things. When were you going to tell me your ‘old friends’ brought their entire little army with the intention to kill your whole family?”

“That’s not quite what happened, Deirdre. Please do not take that tone with me.” He said, quiet and level. “Do you trust me, little one?”

I covered my face and mumbled “I don’t know.”

“Do you think I would keep you safe?”

I shrugged.

“What about Esme?”

“Alice said they have people who are stronger than you,” I said. The image of Carlisle being set on fire made me wince. Alice had told me how killing a vampire works-- no stakes involved.

“Okay. That’s enough now.” Carlisle said firmly. I threw my arms around his neck, sobs bubbling out before I could push them back down. He indulged me with a hug.

“We have too many friends to be worried about the Volturi. Alice will see if they are planning anything, and Bella could help make you disappear until you are changed. It would only take three days, and then they would have nothing to complain about. The Volturi’s hold on the vampire world isn’t as strong as it once was, and if they chose to mess with our clan, it would end very poorly for them.”

Carlisle stood, picking me up with him and carrying me to the bed.

“Now, I’ve said all that needs to be said on the subject. All that’s left to address is this nagging worry of yours. You’re such a good girl, Deirdre, and I know you want to be a good girl and trust me, don’t you?”

I nodded, turning to find Esme shutting the door to the hallway before moving over to us at human speed. She sat down beside Carlisle.

“I think it’s time to spank some of that worry out, Deedee.”

I shook my head at him. “I don’t think that’ll work.”

“You’d be surprised,” Esme said, a hand trailing down my back. “If it doesn’t work, we won’t have to try it again, hm?”

“I…” How the hell did this get turned around on me. “Won’t it hurt?”

“It’s supposed to hurt,” Carlisle said. “But it feels more than that. I think ten will be enough for today, as long as you can apologize at the end.”

Apologize? For what?

But before I knew it, Carlisle had draped me over his lap, my head resting on Esme’s thighs and my face pressed somewhat against her tummy. Esme’s cold and delicate hand pinned mine behind my back.

“This is crazy,” I said as my pants were pulled down my waist to my knees, then slid off my legs all together. “Carlisle, please,” I said, wiggling as panic rose in my chest. “Please, not with Alice and Jasper here!”

“They’ve gone for a walk, sweetheart.” Esme said. I let my head flop onto her lap. Fuck. Alice probably saw this was going to happen.

“I won’t make you count the spankings today, Deirdre. Esme and I will restrain you, just to help you stay in place.”

“Can’t we just talk?” I whimpered.

“We will talk after. Let go now, Deirdre.”

The first smack sent a jolt through my body, making my leg twitch. I had barely processed the first before the second came, slightly harder than the first. The sting reminded me of the time I’d fallen into a bush of nettles as a child.

“Would you like to apologize now, Deirdre?”

“What for?” I asked. The next smack made me yelp, and it was followed by four more, two on each leg where my buttocks met my thighs. Carlisle’s hand on my hip prevented me from being able to wiggle away.

“Stop, stop, please!” I said, toes curling. “Just tell me what to say, I’ll say it!”

Carlisle hummed as Esme’s free hand stroked my hair. “I’d like you to think on our conversation, duckling. Your apology will be lacking if you haven’t reflected on what you’ve done.”

The ass-ault continued, and with each smack it became harder to be quiet. Eventually my head flopped against Esme’s thighs, and I just cried.

Carlisle’s pace slowed. “Would you like to try again?” he asked, his voice soft like when he’d found me in the closet.

“I’m s-sorry for not l-l-listening,” I wailed.

“And?” he prompted, his cool hand smoothing over my rear.

“And…” and what the hell else? What could I say to end this? “being obstetricious?”

Carlisle’s chuckle was warm. “Tell me more.”

“I… didn’t listen to you, and I didn’t believe you,” I said.

“And who is in charge of protecting you?”

“You and Esme.”

“Say it all for me, now, kitten.”

“You and Esme are in charge of protecting me.” I said.

“That’s right. Our job is to protect you and love you, and your job is to listen and love us. Can you do that, darling?”

“Yes,” I said, feeling like I was watching the scene instead of inside of it. The words came easier. “I love you.”

“We love you too,” Esme said, letting go of my arms and rubbing my shoulders.

“Good girl. All done. That wasn’t so hard, was it?” Carlisle asked sweetly, patting my sore bottom. He got up, pushing my legs back to rest where he had previously been sitting on the bed, then disappeared to get the bruise cream.

“You took more than I thought you would,” Esme mused, petting my now sweaty hair. I didn’t know what to say, so I closed my eyes and said nothing. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, I did feel better. Carlisle and Esme would protect me. Everything would be alright. I felt kind of floaty, and my chest didn't feel right anymore.

Carlisle slathered on the cream, then the two of them helped me into some pyjamas. My limbs felt heavy, and I was glad for the help, as embarrassing as it was. Carlisle happily dressed me in his sweater from earlier before carrying me out to the living room.

Jasper and Alice returned while Esme re-heated my dinner. She insisted on cutting it into little pieces and feeding it to me while Alice painted my fingernails. Carlisle sat beside me on the floor, playing chess with Jasper. Sometimes they would sit still for a few minutes, the both of them thinking, then they would play so quickly my eyes could barely keep up.

Esme still hadn’t told me what Alice had worried about before, but my rear was too sore to bring it up so soon.

Esme insisted I eat every bite, beaming at me when I reluctantly opened my mouth for the last piece. I barely had time to chew and swallow before Esme pushed a mug of hot chocolate to my lips. It was warm, but not scalding anymore. I sipped it until it was gone, and then leaned against Esme, shutting my eyes. Alice’s cool hand pulled and twisted my hand slowly to get the angle she wanted for my nails.

“I’m sorry I told her so much,” Alice said softly. “If Esme hadn’t insisted that she eat more, Deirdre wouldn’t have gotten upset. Just so you know, she’ll have nightmares tonight, and I haven’t found a way to stop them.”

Carlisle sighed, and I felt his hand squeeze my foot. “I know you meant no harm, Alice, but I would appreciate in the future that you allowed Esme and I to deliver the relevant details to Deirdre.”

“I will,” Alice said. “I didn’t tell her Esme’s background, though. You should tell her before the family trip.”

“I’m waiting for a good time to tell her,” Esme said, one arm moving around my shoulders. Alice took each of my hands carefully in hers.

“Deedee’s going to fall asleep soon, and her nails will smudge if we don’t let them dry. Okay, Deedee?”

“Mhm,” I mumbled, not bothering to open my eyes.

“Check,” Jasper said, his voice a soft, low rumble, like thunder.

I could hear Carlisle and Jasper continue to play, so Carlisle must’ve figured a way out.

I fell in and out of sleep. Eventually, Alice released my hands since my nails were dry, and Esme wrapped me in a blanket and spooned me on the couch, continuing her conversation with Alice.

“Deirdre’s tastes are fairly simple,” Alice said to her. “I know you won’t want to see it before the big day, but I was thinking it would go nicely with your original wedding dress. We could get it out of storage, and I could re-create Carlisle’s tux.”

“That sounds lovely, Alice,” Esme said. “Do you really think it’ll look right beside Deirdre?”

“Absolutely!” Alice insisted. “I’ve done up some sketches of you three together, since I can’t see with Nessie. But you three are going to look so sweet together.”

“We are sweet together,” Carlisle murmured. A hand—his—reached out and patted my ankle through the blanket.

Alice let out a fake gasp. “Carlisle? Touching her ankle before marriage? How scandalous!” She said with a giggle.

“Ankle-touching is the least of our salacious affairs, right duckling?”

“Mhm,” I confirmed. Jasper’s chuckle was low and warm.

“She’s cute as a button,” he said. “You better watch her with Emmett. He will… what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Bug the shit out of her? Torment her?” Alice suggested.

“Yes.”

Esme’s hand moved up the back of my shirt, rubbing the muscles that had tensed until I relaxed back into the couch.

“I will personally kick his ass if he can’t behave himself.” Esme stated, with a sincerity that made me believe her.

Jasper laughed. “I know you will, Ma. And as much as I’d like to see you kick his ass again…”

“Deirdre might be a tad bit uncomfortable.” Alice finished his sentence. “Anyway, for the flowers…”

Alice droned on and one until I’d properly fell asleep.

A hooded man held Carlisle’s hand. We were all outside somewhere, and we were surrounded by hooded figures.

“It pains me to do this, Carlisle,” the hooded figure said. “If only Deirdre was the type to obey you, things might be different."

The figure pulled Carlisle closer, then ripped off his head. Esme screamed in my ear, holding me close as the others moved in…

“Deedee? Sweetheart?”

“Wake up, honey,”

I sucked in a breath, pawing in the dark until hands met mine, and cool hands moved my sweaty hair out of my face.

“It was just a nightmare, duckling,” Esme said.

“They killed Carlisle,” I said, breathing hard. I looked over to him. “They ripped off your head.”

Esme was still as I crawled into her lap. Carlisle turned a light on, his eyes wary.

“It was my fault, they said I wouldn’t listen,” I cried. I couldn’t stop sucking in air, and I realized I was hyperventilating.

“It was a nightmare, Deirdre. You are safe, we are all safe, alright? Besides, you are a good listener.” Carlisle promised. “Take big, slow breaths with me, little one. In… out. In... out. Good girl.”

Esme tried to lay me back down, but I refused to let go of her.

I didn’t care that Alice and Jasper were probably nearby, I just cried and cried until I got tired and fell asleep. I felt Esme lay down with me, and her grip made me feel secure…

“Separate them,” the hooded figure said.

“No!” I screamed. They pulled Esme away, tearing off her arms before twisting off her head.

“Deirdre,”

I jolted awake in Esme’s arms. Carlisle was leaning over me, patting my cheek. “It’s alright now.” He said. He helped me sit up so I could breathe better while I cried. 

“Don’t make me go back to sleep,” I begged. They exchanged a look. “Please… not tonight.”

Carlisle pet my hair. “Would you like to go for a drive?”

I shook my head.

“Watch a movie?” Esme suggested.

“No, I just want to stay awake, please.”

Esme’s eyes were sad. “That can’t be healthy for you,” she said, looking to Carlisle.

Carlisle sighed, pursing his lips. “One night shouldn’t hurt in the long run. But you’ll go to bed early tomorrow night, right Deirdre?”

“Yes, I promise,” I said quickly. My teeth were chattering, and Esme released her hold on me to go get another blanket. Sitting up, I felt cold even in bed.

Esme wrapped the blanket around my shoulders, then crawled off the bed and headed to the bathroom.

Carlisle’s hand moved to my back, rubbing slow, soothing circles.

“It was so awful.” I mumbled.

“I know, Deirdre. I’m sorry.”

I shook my head, looking over at him. “Why would you be sorry? It’s not your fault.”

He took one of my hands, his gaze a million miles away as he pressed his lips to the back of my hand. “I don’t like the feeling of not being able to stop your nightmares,” he admitted. “As much as I can soothe you, that much is out of my control.”

I mulled over his words. “Does Alice think these’ll be reoccurring nightmares?” I asked.

He was quiet for a minute. “She says no,” he said. “She just checked.”

“Thanks Alice,” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes with my free hand.

“She says you’re welcome.”

I scanned Carlisle’s face. “Alice can seriously hear us talking quietly in our room?”

“Yes. So can Jasper.”

“Alice, that’s so weird.”

I heard a giggle from the other end of the house.

Esme reappeared from the bathroom with a little jar of something, smiling triumphantly. She pulled back the covers, which made me wince, but took one of my calves in her hands.

In her warm hands.

I gave her a look and she grinned. “I preheated my hands for this,” she said with a laugh. “Are they warm enough?”

“Yes, like you’ve been in a hot tub,” I said. She twisted open the jar, dipping her fingers into the goop to scoop some up and slather it on my leg. I realized belatedly that she had decided to give me a massage.

“I’m going to fall asleep,” I whined. Esme pressed her fingers into a muscle, and I moaned. The pain and relief felt amazing.

“You won’t fall asleep,” Esme said cheerfully. “I already asked Alice.”

Her strong hands on the tired muscles of my foot made me jerk, then shiver. Carlisle rearranged the blanket over me, pushing me down gently so my head was on his lap.

“What do you do with your kids, for fun?” I asked.

“Well, it depends,” Esme said.

“We like to settle together somewhere for a few years.” Carlisle continued. “We have to keep appearances, and I have my hospital schedule I mostly have to adhere to. We usually have camping trips when we need to hunt, we play baseball when there’s storms, we play games…”

“The kids can be quite competitive,” Esme added, switching to my other leg. “Rosalie is the fastest runner, followed closely by Edward. Emmett is the strongest, followed by Jasper. Edward and Alice are considered the most agile, but really they both have advantages. Carlisle’s the best chess player, when Edward and Alice don’t cheat.”

I grinned up at Carlisle, who had a cheeky smile on his lips.

“I’m the best at doing ‘human’ things, like cooking, embroidery, and crafts. Rosalie and Alice and I used to compete in the little county fairs for fun,” Esme said. “Emmett and Jasper would sometimes whittle.”

“Everyone likes to read, except Alice, Emmett, and Nessie.” Carlisle said.

“When we’re between places, we’ll go travelling or spend time at one of the properties,” Esme said. She set down my leg, covered me with the blankets, and then positioned me so she could access my back.

“I’m scared to ask for clarification on ‘one of the properties’.”

“Alice told you about Isle Esme. We’ve also got a house with some land in Alaska, and one in northern Alberta, in Canada. We used to have some places in Europe, but in modern times it’s a bit trickier to manage upkeep and maintain a low profile.” Carlisle said nonchalantly, as if multiple properties was no big deal.

“Nothing in Italy, right?”

“No, not in Italy.”

We sat in comfortable silence. Esme finished rubbing my back, wrapped me up in blankets, and began to cuddle me.

“Would you tell me a story?” I asked Carlisle, fighting and losing the battle to not yawn.

“A real story or a fantasia?”

“Real, please. Happy endings only.”

Carlisle chuckled at my specifications, but quickly began the story of how he’d gone to France for medical school. Every time I thought I’d nod off, Esme pressed a chilly kiss to my neck.

Before I knew it, I was standing in the doorway, waving goodbye to Alice and Jasper as Alice’s yellow sports car pulled out of the driveway. Esme had her hand on my waist, and gave me a little squeeze as they drove off. It was seven AM, but still dark out. It was going to be a sunny day, and that mattered to Alice for some reason.

“Will you be heading back to bed, darling?” Carlisle asked. I shook my head, then yawned.

“You only got three and a half hours,” Esme said, petting my hair. “Why don’t you lie down for a bit longer?”

“I’m too awake,” I argued. “And Carlisle said he’d tell me about Alice’s list.”

Carlisle sighed. “Alright. But let us get you something for breakfast before we talk.”

“It’s only seven,” I argued. “I’m not hungry yet.”

Carlisle’s hand cupped my face, and his eyebrows raised a tad. “Breakfast, then discussion.”

I glanced at Esme, who also had her brows raised.

“Can I just have some toast and juice?” I countered.

“Toast and a smoothie,” Esme suggested. I nodded, letting Carlisle pull me along to the kitchen. I sat on his lap while Esme whizzed around the kitchen, trying to pretend my bottom didn’t hurt. He wasn’t soft to sit on like a human—it was like sitting on concrete. Carlisle’s hands moved over my ears before the blender started.

“Hunting with Jasper went well?” I asked him when the blender stopped.

“Yes. I feel a lot better, though I missed you and Esme terribly.”

“We missed you too,” I said, leaning back against his chest.

Esme bounced over to Carlisle, and she suggested we take our discussion to the bedroom, waggling her brows at me.

I picked my toast apart while Carlisle told us about what he’d heard from Jasper. Bella was taking some online college classes, and very much enjoying them. Rosalie was refurbishing a vintage car, and she’d sold it for a nice little profit. Edward had been teaching himself how to play the sitar and was getting proficient. Nessie, Bella and Edward’s daughter, had finished grade twelve-level coursework and had begun to take online classes after Jasper procured her some documents to get registered at the school.

“Don’t just pick, eat please,” Esme reminded me. I popped a little piece in my mouth to satiate her.

“Can we talk about the list now?” I asked, setting my destroyed toast aside in favour of my smoothie.

“Once you’ve eaten your toast.” Carlisle said.

“I’m working on it, I’m just not hungry,” I protested.

“Listen to us, please, Deirdre, and eat your toast.” Carlisle continued. I put my smoothie aside and crossed my arms.

“I’m not hungry.”

Esme’s head tilted, and she frowned. “You need to have breakfast, little one.”

“I’ll eat it later, it’s only seven.”

“Deirdre—”

“I’m not eating it right now,” I growled. “And you’d better not hit me about it, either.”

I couldn’t look at either of them, looking at my own socked feet instead. When Esme reached a hand over, I flinched.

“We’d never hit you, darling.” Esme said.

“Carlisle hit me last night,” I whispered.

“That’s not the same, duckling.” She insisted “A spanking isn’t the same as getting hit. You felt good after, don't you remember? Is your bum sore this morning? We have lots of bruise cream, and some ice packs.”

I put my face in my hands and moaned. Two cold hands moved to my waist, and Carlisle maneuvered me so I was on his lap and Esme was curled up beside him. He tilted my head back until I made I contact, and then he spoke: “Deirdre, when children have lived through neglect and abuse at the hands of their caregivers, it can make it hard for them to trust those who love and protect them as adults. It can also lead to harder time regulating emotions, with heightened periods of anxiety, depression, and anger.”

When my gaze drifted down, he tapped my chin. “Esme and I will always take care of you. You’ll always have plenty of food and clothes, a warm and tidy house, hugs and kisses and love, and, once we marry, lovemaking. There is no nefarious agenda underneath our care for you. I recognize it will take you some time, but hereafter you will understand this too.”

I blinked quickly, hoping the tears wouldn’t fall. “I… still don’t want to eat the toast.”

Esme’s lips twitched into a brief smile. “Eat the toast, love, and let us get on with our day.”

I frowned at her. “I’m a grown adult, I should be allowed to make decisions about toast,” I argued.

“Of course,” Carlisle assured. “You can make whatever choices you so desire, yet you may not appreciate the consequences.”

“You don’t understand,” I said, shoving away the piece of toast Esme pushed towards my lips.

“What do we not understand, sweetie?”

“You’re treating me like a baby!” I snapped, pushing her hand away again.

Esme tsked. “You are a baby to us. Our sweet girl. We know you’re an adult, of course, but we’ve lived through a lot, kitten. Enough to know that it’s cold and flu season, and you need to keep up your strength with a nice breakfast.”

I tried to get off of Carlisle, but one of his arms moved around my waist to hold me in place. His grip was solid and unmoving, not putting pressure on me but caging me in against him. I’m just a baby to them—a vulnerable creature to care for, who can be dressed and fed and loved on, protected and soothed. And what was the alternative? I had a feeling I wouldn’t be moving back in with Lucy ever again, and the thought of leaving them made me panic anyway. I covered my face with my hands and just sobbed. I begged Carlisle to let me go, but his hold on me didn’t change. Esme’s hands patted and caressed whatever she could, and I heard the sounds of soothing words.

Eventually, I had exhausted myself, and hung limply over Carlisle’s arm like a wet towel. Esme pulled my legs, and he shifted me so my head was on his lap. He patted my hair. “Would you feel better if we set some clear expectations?”

I coughed; my throat raw. “You two are going to outvote me anyway on the rules.”

“No one’s conspiring against you, Deedee,” Esme said gently, her hand landing as softly as a butterfly on top of mine. “I think the number one rule is that we all stay safe and healthy and keep one another safe and healthy.”

Carlisle nodded, but I wasn’t ready to commit. I mulled it over for a minute. “Can we add about habits? Like, I can skip toast one morning, but not every morning?”

Esme and Carlisle exchanged a look. “That seems reasonable.” Esme said slowly. “I agree to that.”

“As do I,” Carlisle said. “I’d also like to propose a rule about communication. I would like any issues to be discussed and dealt with within twenty-four hours. If it’s not dealt with by then, we will meet the three of us to work it out.”

Esme nodded, and I agreed as well.

Carlisle ran a hand down my back. “Anything else you’d like to add, Deedee?”

“Nothing I can think of,” I said, rubbing my eyes. They were starting to burn from being awake so long.

“Esme?”

“No, I can’t think of anything to add.”

“Good. The matter shall be settled for now, then.”

I sat up, moving to lay in the pillows. Esme passed me my smoothie. “So, about the list…?”

“Yes, we’re both dying to know what’s on the list,” Esme said with a laugh, curling beside me so we were both facing Carlisle. It felt good that she didn’t have prior knowledge of the contents either. The mood shift from one conversation to the next made me feel… emotional. Like, out of control. Were we all just going to pretend I didn't full-on cry and scream for the last half hour?

Carlisle disappeared, then re-entered the room with his phone.

“This is what Alice wrote,” Carlisle said, and began to read it off his phone. His eyes glowed gold, and his lips twisted up at the corners as he read:

Dear Excellent Grandpa,

I giggled, shocked as the sound bubbled past my lips. Carlisle rolled his eyes at me with a smile before continuing.

I’ve been such a wonderfully naughty girl this year. Here is what I would like for Christmas:

“I wouldn’t say you’ve been very naughty,” Esme said. “Mostly wonderful,” she decided, kissing my temple.

One vibrating wand

I think my eyes bugged out, but Carlisle continued.

6-piece anal plug set

Lingerie (you know my size)

I was too stunned to speak. After each item, Carlisle would glance at me, taking in my reaction.

Sexy Double Dare Dice (XXX rated)

Nipple clamps

My arms crossed over my chest, and Esme and Carlisle laughed.

Blind fold

Breathable ball gag

Flogger and/or crop

Engagement ring

Love,

Deedee

Carlisle was quiet for a minute, setting his phone off to the side before leaning back on his palms. His eyes were so bright I thought they were emitting light for a moment. “So, Deirdre, what do you think of Alice’s list?”

My mouth was dry. “I… am going to kill Alice.”

Esme kissed my neck. “But did Alice choose well?” she asked.

I tried to swallow, and then took a mouthful of smoothie to avoid Esme’s question.

“Deirdre?” Carlisle prompted, this time a bit more intently.

“I don’t know. I’ve not really… you both know I haven’t…”

“We know you’re a virgin,” Esme filled in the blanks. “But do those things sound like things you’d like to try?”

I pushed myself into the pillows. “Maybe?” I whispered.

“Very well,” Carlisle said, looking oddly pleased. “Thank you for being honest, Deirdre.”

Was that it on the subject? “Don’t you two like that stuff?” I blurted.

Esme gave me a squeeze. “Oh, there’s lots that we like.” She said darkly. “Would you like to see?”

My mouth went dry again. “Okay?”

To be quite honest, I wasn’t sure if she meant they’d show me their toys or have very imaginative, kinky sex in front of me. Esme disappeared from my side, reappearing from the closet with a locked chest I’d never seen before. She twisted the combination lock, then opened it.

“Everything’s been cleaned,” Esme said. The lid of the chest held different kinds of crops, whips, and paddles. She handed a few things to Carlisle, who set them in front of me. I yawned so hard my jaw cracked, and Carlisle’s cool fingers palpitated each side before receding, finding no significant damage.

Carlisle looked at the equipment on the bed. “I don’t believe the sensation is quite the same for vampires since we don’t bruise. I imagine it feels a bit duller than it would for you.” Carlisle said. His finger traced along the line of the crop.

“Although I have cracked Carlisle’s bottom during a spanking before,” Esme said with a laugh. “Sorry, darling.”

“Is it still cracked?” I asked. Esme laughed again, and Carlisle gave her a playful glare.

“No, Deedee. We heal very quickly.”

I tentatively picked up the crop he’d been toying with, yawning into my free hand. “Have… have you used these before on other people?”

Carlisle looked truly confused, glancing towards Esme before turning back to me. “Whatever do you mean?”

“Esme said you two had an open marriage, sometimes.”

Esme’s eyes lit up with recognition. “Oh yes, I did say that, didn’t I? I was just fibbing, Deedee. I wanted to get you to think about being with us as a possibility.”

Carlisle looked back to me, now understanding my question. “Esme is the only person I’ve ever had relations with.”

“And Carlisle’s my only, since becoming a vampire.” Esme said. “We don’t… we’ve never taken an interest in someone like with you, duckling.”

“We knew you were meant to be part of us, the first time each of us saw you,” Carlisle murmured.

“The mating pull is distinct,” Esme continued. “Not as quick as it is for shapeshifters, but distinct nonetheless.”

My chest felt light with the admission of the fib, but it popped with the second revelation. I gave her a look. “Shapeshifters?”

Esme pulled out a dildo. “Do you want to talk about shapeshifters now, or see what’s left in the trunk?”

“I don’t know!” I exclaimed, throwing my free hand up. “Are there any other creatures? Witches? Ghosts?”

“Werewolves,” Carlisle said. “Although they’re practically extinct. The shapeshifters we know are a small group as well. Other than that, nothing confirmed.”

“Do you get along?”

“With the shapeshifters? Our family has an agreement, although by and large they kill any other vampires that go into their territory. I’ve never had the misfortune to come across a werewolf, to my knowledge.” Carlisle said. Esme nodded.

I just looked at them. I couldn’t even think of a follow-up question. I felt a little…floaty. Lack of sleep. Carlisle handed me my smoothie, and I finished it, thinking to myself about the possibility of werewolves. I wiggled the crop around like a wand until Carlisle took it, placing it on the bed. “Um, so am I your mate?” I asked, suddenly very focused on the markings on one of the paddles.

A finger crooked under my chin and pulled my face up until my eyes met Carlisle’s. “Yes.” he said simply. “Our mate. While it’s unusual, it’s not unheard of.”

Esme stood abruptly, grabbing the toys and throwing them in the direction of the trunk before pulling me into a kiss. She pulled away, admiring her handiwork before kissing me again. “Mine. Ours. You’re so perfect, Deirdre.”

My smoothie cup was empty. Carlisle plucked it from my hand, setting it aside. “Don’t you feel sleepy, little one?”

It was getting harder and harder to hold up my head up.

“I do, I just don’t want to dream. To nightmare? No nightmares. I don’t wanna have nightmares.”

“Alice said you won’t have nightmares during the day,” Esme said. My head lolled to the side, and I blinked.

“Nu-uh.”

“That’s enough, now.” Carlisle said. He zipped over to the curtains, shutting them before tidying up the trunk and locking it.

“I don’t want to,” I mumbled. Carlisle scooped me up and Esme pulled back the covers.

“I know you don’t, darling. But we agreed to keep each other safe and heathy. Sleep is part of your health.”

“Stay?” I asked.

“We’ll stay, sweet girl,” Esme promised.

“I’ve got questions,” I told her, slurring my words a bit.

“Later, my love. Let yourself rest.”

I felt her kiss my temple, and I gave in to my heavy eyelids.

“Those pills worked well.” She murmured to him. “Do they taste like anything, when they’re crushed up?”

“I’m not certain if it has a taste. She liked the smoothie, it seems.”

Carlisle wiped the bit of drool from my lip, patted my cheek, and turned out the light.

Chapter Text

Chapter 17: Prendre soin

The first moment after falling, I was glad to be alive.

The second moment made me realize I would not be coming to work anymore. Maybe ever.

God, my body hurt. After the last few months, my body was just tired. I vaguely heard a scream in the background, and then a nurse was helping me sit up and get off the stairs.

The nurse, Melissa, I think, propped me up against a wall and then rushed off.

At some point, I pushed myself up and walked over to my desk. I’d been responding to screams that wouldn’t stop upstairs when I’d been pushed. I sat down in my chair and found my phone, selecting Carlisle’s number in a haze.

“I’m on my way to the hospital right now, darling. Alice just called,” he said. “Are you safe where you are?”

“Mm,” I looked around the lobby. A few people were being brought out on stretchers. I should’ve been more upset than I was. “I think so. I’m at my desk.”

I heard a breath being sucked in. “Sweetheart, just stay where you are.” It was Esme now. “We’re twelve minutes away.”

“Will you stay on the phone with me?” I asked. A nurse glanced at me, and then strode over to inform me I needed to go to the hospital side to be looked at.

“Yes, we’re right here,” Esme said. I could hear the worry in her voice.

I looked at the nurse while I talked to them. “I think I hurt my leg when I fell down the stairs. It’s kind of pulsing. Like a fiery hand around my shin.”

The nurse rushed off, then re-appeared with a wheelchair.

“Melissa’s taking me over to the hospital side,” I narrated, grabbing my bag before hopping into the wheelchair. “My wrist’s getting swollen,” I noted.

“Did you hit your head, love?” Carlisle asked.

“Mm, a little bit. Not that hard, like just a bump.”

“On a scale of one to ten—”

“Two.”

“Good,” Carlisle breathed. He made me tell him what wing I was going to. Carlisle and Esme rushed in right before they took me for x-rays, which I thought was very efficient of them. Carlisle delicately removed their bracelet from my wrist, and Esme took off my earrings.

“Aren’t you worried?” I asked him softly.

“Only worried about you,” he murmured back. He motioned to the tech I was ready, and she helped me get on the table for the x-rays, of which I needed multiple.

They stuck me in a room to wait, and as soon as the door closed, Esme moved the chair over and sat, wrapping her arms around me delicately. I felt her cool lips on my shoulder, over my blouse.

“Esme’s holding her breath,” Carlisle explained softly, his eyes beginning his own examination of my injuries. “Otherwise, she would be reassuring you verbally as well as physically. Your left wrist could be fractured, strained, or sprained, or a combination thereof. I’m nearly certain you’ve fractured your tibia.”

“Okay,” I hummed.

Carlisle leaned down, holding my chin with one hand, examining my forehead and then my eyes. “How do you feel, sweet one?”

“Like I’m dreaming.”

Esme sat up, her eyes widening in a silent question to Carlisle.

“I believe you’re disassociating, my love.” Carlisle explained to me. “Could be derealization, or depersonalization. It’s okay to feel this way—it’s a trauma response.” Esme relaxed beside me. “You’re safe, and you’re going to recover.”

Esme held my good hand, her touch sharply cold in my fuzzy world.

“Can we get pizza for dinner?” I asked, leaning my head against Esme’s shoulder.

Carlisle’s frown cracked into a smile, though his forehead still showed his stress. “Certainly. What would you like on it?”

“Bacon and ham and black olives,” I said. I swallowed the saliva accumulating in my mouth, and Carlisle chucked. “How much longer are we going to be here?”

“Going by the conversations around the hospital, most likely an hour and a half more.” Carlisle said. His fingers smoothed over my hair.

I let go of Esme’s hand to rub my eyes. “Everything’s starting to hurt more.” I whispered, taking her hand again. Carlisle and Esme exchanged a long glance, and I wondered if they could telepathically communicate. Maybe it was a vampire thing.

“I’ll be right back.” Carlisle said. He kissed my forehead for good measure, then Esme’s, and left, closing the door behind him.

“If you’re not comfortable, you can wait in the car,” I told her. “I don’t mind, really.”

She leaned over and kissed my cheekbone, before pulling away and shaking her head.

“Alright. It’s okay if that changes,” I assured her airily. My good hand left hers, and I combed through her soft hair with my fingers, speaking quietly to her. “I know Carlisle can hear me, so I won’t give any hints, but I’ve been thinking of some pet names for him. How come you two call me every pet name in the book? It really makes it hard to give him a specific one. I guess my specific one is duckling. I like old fashioned pet names for Carlisle—darling and love, but I can’t use those ‘cause he uses them for both of us. When I become a you-know-what, will my hair get this soft? This is ridiculous.”

The door opened, and Carlisle reappeared, offering me two pills and an open bottle of water. I let him stick the pills in my mouth, and then I drank the water.

“Good girl.” He twisted the top back on and set the bottle in my lap. “I’m going to go help out for about twenty minutes, then Dr. Isaacs will be available to get you a boot for your leg. He’ll wrap up your wrist too—just sprained, it seems. You’ll be sore tomorrow, but you haven’t broken anything besides a minor fracture in your leg. You might have a minor concussion: you do have a little bump on your head, right here.” He reached out, his finger ghosting over the little lump. “We’ll be picking up pizza and heading home within half an hour. Does that sound acceptable, Deirdre?”

“Yep, I’ll stay here with Es.”

“Excellent. That’s my girls.”

He smiled fondly at the pair of us, and then rushed off.

I spent the evening in bed, gobbling down pizza and listening to whatever classical music Carlisle put on. He informed me that some of it was baroque, and some of it was romantic, based on the time period it was composed in. Esme had to call Alice, and then Bella, to inform them I was mostly unharmed.

All the while, I was thinking. Carlisle would gaze down at me as I laid in bed, a medical text spread across his lap and a pen in hand.

“You’re thinking awfully hard, darling. I can practically hear the gears turning.”

“They need some WD-40,” I joked. His lips twitched in a smile, and then he rested his hand on my cheek.

“I think it’s almost bedtime,” he said.

“I think so too.”

He moved to get up, and I grabbed the waist of his sweatpants.

“No sleeping pills. They make me feel foggy.”

Carlisle frowned. “How about some acetaminophen? It’ll make you sleepy and help with the pain.”

“Fine,” I conceded. On my other side, Esme ended her call with Bella.

“Bella sends wishes for a speedy recovery.” Esme said, curling up beside me and making happy noises.

“You’ll have to tell her I said thank you,” I mumbled. Carlisle reappeared with a glass of water and two red pills. I took them from his hand, then the water. He set the glass on the side table, and resumed his seat beside me, turning out the light that had been on purely for my benefit.

“Do I have to go to work tomorrow?” I asked, weaving my fingers through Esme’s.

“No,” Carlisle answered. “They’ve given you two days off, although you won’t be going back after that.”

“Yeah, I figured.” I said, “I’ll just lay around the house and mooch off of you two. You can be my sugar Grandpa.”

Esme giggled in my ear. “Deirdre,” she chided, but she couldn’t hide the laugh in her words.

“There’s nothing wrong with helping Esme with her work.” Carlisle insisted, his voice more serious than his wife. “It’ll take some adjusting, but you will learn to enjoy it.”

“I know, I just feel useless,” I grumbled.

His cold fingers brushed the hair from my face. “Some people aren’t meant to take care of themselves, Deirdre, and that’s nothing to feel guilty about.”

Ouch. I swallowed hard, blinking away tears in the dark. I heard Carlisle close his book and set it aside.

“You don’t need to work in a dangerous, understaffed, and ill-paying job to bring value to our partnership. Keeping you home will be a relief to us all.”

“He’s right,” Esme said, giving me a squeeze.

“You bring so much brightness to our lives, just by being who you are. You’ve had more than your fair share of hardship in your life, and you need and deserve to be looked after. It has been unspeakably painful for us to allow you to put yourself in harm’s way for a pittance of a wage.”

I sniffed, and Carlisle’s hands wiped away the tears that escaped my eyes. The back of his fingers gently stroked my cheek, the touch repetitive and soothing. “Indulge us, duckling. Let go of the shame. You are loved, you are safe, and we have more than abundant resources to live comfortably.”

Esme kissed my shoulder. “Let go, Deirdre. You’re so tense, duckling.”

“I don’t know why you want to keep me,” I admitted through tears.

“Because you’re ours.” Esme reassured. Her words felt smooth, soothing over the emotional wounds I’d been picking at.

“Yours?” I peeped.

“Truly,” Esme purred.

“Yes,” Carlisle affirmed. “You’re enough as you are.” He wiped my tears again.

We three were quiet for a long moment. “Maybe I do want sleeping pills,” I whispered.

“Good idea, love.”

I felt Carlisle leave, then return a second later. Esme’s hold on me loosened so Carlisle could help me sit up slightly. He popped the pill in my mouth, then brought the glass to my lips.

“There, all better,” he said. I heard the glass get set on the side table.

“Thanks, baby.” I mumbled, exhaustion quickly taking over. Baby was definitely the wrong pet name, but my scrambled eggs brain couldn’t find a replacement before it escaped my lips. I heard Carlisle chuckle.

“You’re welcome, my darling.”

Morning hurt. I woke up to the smell of bacon, Esme having left the bedroom door open. I rolled over and tried to get up, but I used my hand. I hissed in pain, flopping face-first into the pillow.

“DeeDee?”

Esme was instantly by my side, pulling me up.

“Thanks,” I said. Her eyes scanned me, then relaxed.

“Did you forget you were hurt?”

“Yeah.”

She tsked sadly, kissed my forehead, and then whisked me off to the bathroom.

“I’m pretty sure I’m allowed to walk,” I reminded her as she sat me on the counter, wetting my toothbrush before applying the toothpaste with careful precision.

“You can walk when Carlisle gets home to watch over you. Open.”

I decided to indulge her—it made her so happy, and I felt like a silly goose after crying the night before. If I couldn’t make money, I could at least make Esme happy. My good hand held onto her waist to steady myself. When she was done (she took the full two minutes), I spat in the sink and she handed me a cup of water to rinse with.

“I think you’re enjoying this too much,” I told her.

She grinned. Her hands smoothed over my hair, and then her hands cupped my face. “How about a bath, sweetheart?”

“Isn’t there bacon on the stove?”

“I turned the stovetop off before I came to you. Besides, a nice warm soak and some comfy clothes will set you up for a relaxing day. Your hair needs washing, too.”

“I can have a quick shower,” I said.

Esme shook her head. “I’m not letting you stand on a slippery surface with only one working hand and leg. Now, arms up.”

I obliged, and Esme pulled off my shirt, tossing it easily into the laundry bin across the room. She removed the boot and the tensor bandage on my wrist, thenhelped me shimmy out of my pyjama pants, and carefully placed me in the tub. I tried in vain to cover myself as she fiddled with the taps and poured in different things until there were delicate patches of bubbles floating on the water and the most divine aroma filling the room. I wasn’t sure I liked the feeling of heat on my foot and arm, but Esme was soon distracting me with a washcloth, running it over every inch of my skin.

“Beautiful,” Esme purred.

I could feel myself blushing. “Yeah right,” I grumbled.

“I know you feel shy when you’re naked. It’s adorable,” Esme said. Her eyes were a dark, creamy butterscotch. “Although you have nothing to be shy about.”

The washcloth moved between my legs and I jerked. “Esme!”

She laughed, the wonderous sound reverberating off the bathroom walls. “Oh, don’t pretend you wouldn’t like me to touch you there. I could make you feel good, darling. Would you like that?”

“It’s not fair when I’m the only one naked,” I argued. We hadn’t touched one another like this since the fall, that one time. Her fingers went through my hair, her nails scraping my scalp.

“I could remedy that.”

I shivered, and she tilted my head back to kiss me. Once, twice, again and again until I was out of breath.

“I can’t wait to share you with Carlisle like this,” she said. My whole body shivered, causing me to slip out from my seated position. I momentarily flailed for purchase at the side of the tub, my injured wrist twisting before I let out a cry. Esme’s hands moved under my armpits, hoisting me back up to sit.

“Perhaps we should wait until you’re a bit more healed,” she said. I held my sore wrist to my chest and nodded, glad and glum all at once.

Esme shampooed and conditioned my hair, washing it out before scooping me out of the tub and wrapping me in a massive towel. I watched her drain the tub and zip around me, collecting the leave-in conditioner and lotions and potions.

“Do you have a special pet name for Carlisle?” I asked. I was laying on my back on the floor as she rubbed lotion into my arms and legs.

“No, we called each other everything before we met you,” Esme answered.

I frowned. “How did I become duckling?”

“You don’t remember?” she asked. Her tone wasn’t accusatory as she carefully re-wrapped my wrist with the tensor bandage.

“I know it was earlier in the fall. My head hurts, won’t you just tell me?”

Esme’s hand rested on my forehead. “It was just after you admitted to having a crush on me and Carlisle. Carlisle had you in his lap. I had my hand on your stomach, and you were wiggling, protesting the idea that we could love you back. Your little wiggle was so cute, it reminded me of a little duck. And what’s sweeter than a little duckling?”

I pursed my lips, but I couldn’t help but smile. “I called Carlisle baby last night. I didn’t really mean to; I was just so tired.”

Esme nodded, working on securing my foot back in the boot. “We talked about it after you went to sleep. It was a little ironic.”

I watched her work until she sat me up to brush my hair. “I’m really stuck on pet names for him,” I admitted.

“Do you want to run your ideas by me?” she asked, passing me two hair elastics to hold.

“Kind of. Just try not to roast me if they’re terrible, okay?”

“I promise. No roasting.”

“Sweeting, flittermouse, dovey, dearheart…”

Esme tilted her head and hummed. “Those are nice. Would you tell me your reasoning for each?”

I played with the braid she’d finished. “I couldn’t think of something modern to fit him. Sweeting, flittermouse, and dear heart are more old-fashioned, from like the seventeenth century-ish. They’re in some old poetry too, which I thought was kind of cute. Flittermouse is supposed to mean a bat, and I thought that was kind of funny, y’know, considering… I like dear heart the most of those three. I also like dovey, though, because of lovey-dovey, and because doves are supposed to represent peace, and Carlisle’s always so calm and level-headed.”

Esme finished my second braid. “I like those. I’m sure he’ll love whatever you pick for him.”

“I picked one for you, too.”

This caught her attention. “Oh? And what is it?”

“I can’t tell you yet—it’s supposed to be a surprise,” I said. “I hope you like it, though,” I added shyly.

Esme scooped me up and walked me to the closet. “I’m sure I’ll love it. I eagerly await my pet name.”

Esme dug out a puzzle for me to work on while she worked on the computer. She was pretty vague when I asked what she was working on, just commenting that it was for her business. I had the whole perimeter put together except one piece, and twenty minutes later I was ready to turn the bump on my head into a severe concussion by slamming my forehead into the puzzle pieces.

“Es,” I whined. She reached over into the sea of puzzle pieces and handed me the last border piece.

“I love you,” I breathed, and she laughed. My mood for violence quickly dissipating, I worked on the puzzle until Carlisle called at his lunch break.

“How’s my little duckling?” he asked.

“Es is taking good care of me,” I said. “Other than not letting me use my leg. Apparently she’s waiting for you to supervise that.”

“We can work on that when I get home,” he replied easily. “How is your pain?”

“It’s okay. Es gave me some Tylenol.”

“Dee said her head was hurting this morning,” Esme butted in.

“Deirdre?”

“I think it’s probably a tiny, baby concussion,” I admitted. “I haven’t used any screens today, though. Esme set up a puzzle for me.”

“Good girl. Well, a few days with no screens or books won’t hurt, just to be safe.”

“Yeah,” I replied glumly. “We were supposed to watch Christmas movies tonight.”

“We can watch them in a few days, sweet one.” Carlisle assured.

“I know. Sorry to be whiney,” I said, moving around a few different puzzle pieces.

“I know you’re disappointed, love. How about we do something else tonight. Would you like that?”

“Yes,” I said quickly, so desperately that Esme had to cover her mouth to muffle her laugh. “But it’s okay, if you had other things you were going to do…”

“I had nothing planned for your waking hours. I wouldn’t dare waste that time.”

My heart felt like it was going to burst. “Okay. I’d really like that.”

“Excellent. Well, I better get back on the floor. Have a good afternoon and I will see you both around seven.”

“Love you,” Esme said. I echoed her, and Carlisle repeated back before ending the call.

Esme made me dinner and got ready to go out hunting when Carlisle got back. I worked on my puzzle while Esme flitted around. Her tidying was slowly turning into de-cluttering. While the living room was still cozy, it was much more bare than it was in the morning.

“Caught a cleaning bug?” I asked. She smiled ruefully, folding a throw blanket and setting it on the couch.

“Something like that,” she said, leaning over to kiss me. “Carlisle’s home.” She disappeared to the door, and I was resigned to waiting at my spot on the living room floor.

A moment later, Carlisle came around the corner, his tie loose around his neck. He’d told me enough about vampires for me to know they couldn’t get tired, per say, but he looked exhausted.

“Welcome home,” I said. I held up a puzzle piece. “I saved this for you.”

His eyes swept over the coffee table, where my nearly complete puzzle sat.

“You saved me the last piece?” he asked. “Isn’t that the best part?”

“I’m not the one who’s been saving lives all day. C’mon, take it.” I said, waving around the piece until he sighed, still smiling, and took it from me, placing it in the remaining spot.

“There. You’ve had quite a busy day, I see.”

I blushed. “I don’t think working on a puzzle counts as being busy.” Having only one hand to use, it had been more frustrating than anything else.

“Well, I suppose you wouldn’t like to be told you’re a good girl, then.” He countered, his eyes shimmering as he pursed his lips, an attempt to hide his smile.

“Maybe I have been busy,” I admitted.

He chuckled, bending down to kiss my forehead.

“Good girl. I’m going to shower, then I’ll be back. I’d like you to think of some Christmas songs you like.”

I felt like my whole body was beet red, so I just nodded.

Carlisle left, and Esme reappeared, car keys in hand, and wished me a goodnight.

“Will you be back in the morning?”

“Yes, later in the morning. Carlisle’s shift doesn’t start until noon.”

I nodded, little butterflies flying around my tummy at the idea of staying alone with Carlisle for so long. “Have a good hunt. Hope you catch something tasty.”

Esme laughed. “Thanks, duckling.”

Once she was gone, I opened my phone and scrolled through Spotify, putting together a playlist of my favourite Christmas songs. Lucy had always gone home for Christmas, and I’d been too depressed to celebrate on my own, so it had been over a decade since I’d last celebrated properly. I closed my eyes, trying to remember what we used to play when I was little. I remembered Rocking Around the Christmas Tree, Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, White Christmas, Let it Snow!, and It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

When I opened my eyes, Carlisle was standing in the doorway to the living room, watching me with soft eyes and a smile. His presence still made me jump, but the fear quickly turned into a blush.

“You could at least stomp a little, let me know you’re coming.”

Carlisle hoisted me up, setting me carefully on my feet. “I could. But then I wouldn’t get to enjoy you unfiltered.”

“I’m pretty sure I’m unfiltered every night when I’m drooling into the pillow.”

He didn’t dignify my comment with a response, instead taking my elbow and running his fingers lightly over my bandaged wrist. “How’s your sprain doing?”

I shrugged. “It’s not so bad. I kinda forget about it, until I try to use my hand or lean on it.”

“Can you show me how much you can move it?”

I moved my wrist back and forth a little. Carlisle pushed it slowly one way, and then the other, stopping when I winced.

“Well,” he murmured. “The range of motion is a bit limited. We’ll keep an eye on that. How has your leg been?”

“It’s a bit sore and stiff. Esme didn’t let me walk on it today, and she had it raised while I was sitting. She took the boot off at lunch and put ice on for a while and gave me some Tylenol when she put it back on.”

Carlisle nodded like he expected this answer. “Hold my shoulder,” he instructed, taking a knee in front of me. I held onto his shoulder as he unstrapped the boot, peered at my leg, and then put it back on.

“Wiggle your toes for me. Good. Put some of your weight on your leg, now. How does that feel?”

“My knee’s a little stiff, and it’s sore, but it’s not bad.”

He stood up, his body very close to mine. I remembered why I’d found him attractive in the first place—his gentle eyes, his warm smile, strong jaw…

“What are you thinking about?” he asked quietly.

Oops. “I… um. I was thinking about how handsome you are,” I admitted, averting my eyes from his. He never seemed to let me get away with that, though, and a finger crooked under my chin and pulled me back.

“I was thinking about how lucky Esme and I are to have you.”

I scoffed. “Oh, come now. Just because I’m being ridiculous doesn’t mean you need to be.”

Carlisle’s eyebrows nearly launched off his face. “Excuse me, little one?”

Fuck, fuck, fuck. His hands were on my waist, and there was no where to run. “Um, you’re excused?”

Carlisle shook his head. “Would you like to retract your statement?”

“Yes please.”

“Good. Now, have you picked some Christmas songs?”

I nodded. “I made a playlist,” I said sheepishly. “I’m sorry if I picked too many.”

Carlisle’s look became serious again. “I didn’t tell you how many to pick, so you mustn’t apologize for the number. Can I see your selections?”

His hands loosened, and I bent down to get my phone, handing it over. I opened my mouth to tell him the lock code, but he opened it himself. “These will do quite nicely,” he murmured. “Well done.”

Pathetic—I wanted to wrap his praise around me like a blanket. At least Esme wasn’t here to giggle at me.

A moment later, the music began to softly play through the speakers in the living room. Carlisle’s eyes turned back to me as he slipped my phone into his pocket. “Do you know how to slow dance, duckling?”

“I know the middle school shuffle,” I offered.

His smile widened. “This is a small step up.”

His right hand took my injured wrist and laid it against his shoulder, then his other hand took mine, holding it up. His free hand moved around my waist.

“This might be an inopportune time to mention that I have white people rhythm,” I said as he began to sway. “I’m going to blame the cult on this one—they think dancing and music are sinful. I mean, except certain Christian groups. I’m glad you don’t bruise because I’m definitely going to crush your foot with my boot—"

“Relax, Deirdre. You’re doing fine.”

I could only be so tense for so long before Carlisle’s swaying shook it out of me and I began to relax.

He taught me the steps to the Waltz, and then we did a simplified version around the living room. It surprised me how much I like dancing with him—my hand in his, his hand on my waist, moving in sync, staring into each others’ eyes. My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

“Last song, and then we’ll get you ready for bed,” Carlisle said.

“Already?” I whined.

“We’ve been dancing for an hour and a half, sweet one. It’s almost nine o’clock.”

“Can’t we do two more?” I said, opening my eyes a little more in what I hoped was a cute expression.

Carlisle acquiesced. “Fine. But you’ll do some wrist exercises for me once we’re done.”

“Okay.”

Carlisle at least let me change and brush my teeth on my own. I climbed into bed, but he stopped me before I got under the covers. He took off my boot, propped my leg up on some pillows, and put ice over it. I shivered but enjoyed how the ice dulled the soreness. He unwrapped my hand next, torturing me with his hushed instructions. The lowness of his voice made me melt.

“I can’t roll it, it hurts,” I argued.

“Don’t push it to the point of pain,” he said. “Let me show you.”

It didn’t hurt as much as when I did it myself, but it still brought tears to my eyes.

“There, all done,” he proclaimed, kissing my knuckles. “We’ll ice it, then wrap it back up.” He attached the ice pack to my hand, and I laid on my side while he undid the braids in my hair.

“Do you think your kids will like me? Other than Rosalie, I mean—Alice said she’s a slow warm-up.”

“I’m sure they will. Alice and Jasper are already quite fond of you. Emmett will be as well, although he’ll tease you half to death if given the chance. Bella is quite kind, but a little reserved. I imagine you’ll get on well with her and Edward. Nessie can be a bit wary of new people, but she’ll come around in time.”

I nodded, letting that sink in as he combed through my hair with his fingers.

“Is something bad going to happen?” I asked, thinking on Alice again. Esme had never said what had frightened Alice more than a week ago.

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Alice—”

“Alice sees what will happen given the current trajectory—things change all the time. There’s nothing to worry about.”

“But what did she see?”

“Darling, I’m done talking about it. Nothing will happen. You are safe and healthy, and it has been more than twenty-four hours. End of discussion.”

“That’s not how the twenty-four hours rule works,” I protested.

“Yes, it is,” Carlisle insisted.

“It is not. And it’s very suspicious that you won’t tell me.”

“Deirdre, if you’re going to be unkind, I will leave you to have your space.”

I sat up, scrambling to grab a hold of him before he moved off the bed. “No! Don’t go,” I begged. He slowed, his brows raising. “I’ll drop it, it’s fine.” I whispered.

He shook his head and tsked. “I know you’ve been given every reason under the sun not to trust those that take care of you, Deirdre. I know it’s not going to change overnight, but you must forgive me that your skepticism can be frustrating.”

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered. Tears started coming to my eyes. Carlisle had planned the loveliest evening, and here I was ruining it.

After a moment, his surly expression softened. “I know, my love. All is forgiven.”

I flopped back down, eager to show him I’d listen. His cool hand smoothed over my hair, then brushed the tears from my eyes. I clenched my jaw, trying not to cry.

“Easy,” Carlisle murmured.

“Sorry,” I sobbed, throwing an arm over my eyes and flipping over to face away from him. That lasted all of three second before he pulled me back, flat on my back.

“I already said you’re forgiven, sweet one. Do you feel you need a punishment in order to be absolved?”

“I don’t know,” I wailed. He sighed, reaching over me as I tried to get my breathing under control. He re-wrapped my wrist, then put my boot back on.

“Come lay across my lap, and let’s be done with it,” he said. I crawled over, flopping down and letting him pull my pyjamas pants down to my thighs. In a fucked-up way, it was really cathartic.

Some time later, Carlisle’s cold palm smoothed cream over my bottom. “You did well. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks,” I breathed. “I feel better.”

“I’m glad. I’m going to go get your pain killers and your sleeping pills. I’ll be right back.”

True to his word, he was only gone a few seconds before reappearing. He tipped the pills into my mouth, then pushed the cup of water to my mouth. I gulped down half, then leaned back in the stack of pillows.

“Goodnight, sweet girl.”

“G’night, Carlisle. Love you.”

“As I love you, my dear.”

Chapter Text

Chapter 18: Yuletide

I had this creeping, itching dread I couldn’t quite shake off. It started slowly at first—I’d wake up in the morning to an empty bed, and instead of enjoying the coziness, I’d rush out to find Esme. The dread expanded to Carlisle—when had he left? When would he be home? Was he going to call on his break? How long had it been since his last call? Had something happened to him at the hospital—perhaps a heart monitor attached to him as a joke, or a patient hit him and shattered their hand?

During the day, I had to face the windows. At night, the curtains had to be closed.

“It’s just creepy,” I told Esme. “I can’t see out at all, it’s just black.”

“Carlisle and I can see out,” Esme said. “And we wouldn’t let anything dangerous get close to you.”

Esme had rubbed my shoulders and fed me samples of the Christmas cookies she was making for the hospital staff, the long-term care patients, the shelter, the firehouse, the paramedics, and the police station. The house smelled like a bakery, like the gingerbread house in Hansel and Gretel.

My wrist was still a bit sore but feeling much better. Esme taught me how to paint pine trees using watercolour, and she turned the little paintings into Christmas cards. She also let me use a few sheets of watercolour paper to make little cards with the nicknames I’d picked out.

“If you or Carlisle hate the nicknames, we can change them. I don’t want anyone stuck with something for eternity.”

Esme smiled and shook her head at me, dusting a tray of cookies with icing sugar. “I’d be shocked if we don’t like them, but we would work it out, DeeDee.”

“Okay.”

Esme picked up a cookie and fed it to me before wiping her hands off on her apron.

“Carlisle’s home.”

I jumped up, my boot thumping on the ground as I rushed to beat him to the door (which he graciously allowed).

I pulled the door open as he wiped his feet on the mat.

“Welcome home,” I said, backing up to let him in.

“Thank you, sweet one.”

He placed a chaste kiss to my temple while my hands went to his scarf, tugging at it and pulling it around before hanging it (it was wet from the falling snow). Next, my hands went to his coat, pulling down the zipper and letting him shrug out of it before hanging it up.

“Busy day?” he asked, his eyes and smile warm.

“Very. Taste-testing is a hard job, but someone’s got to do it,” I joked. His eyes crinkled, but his smile fell quickly, his eyes dark.

“You need to hunt,” I accused.

“I’ll be fine a few more days,” he said, rubbing the front of his neck before quickly stopping. “Besides, I promised you we’d go for a drive and see the lights tonight.”

I shook my head. “We can do that tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is the hospital charity ball.”

“Oh yeah,” I said. “Well, we can do both, right? Ball and then drive?”

“That’s a lot for one night,” Carlisle said, taking his shoes off and placing them on the rack in the closet.

“It’ll be fine. Health and safety, remember? Esme will agree with me,” I argued.

Carlisle smiled, obviously hearing whatever his wife was saying in the other room. “Oh, she does.”

“Then it’s settled,” I said. It felt nice to be the one pressing him to take care of himself, instead of being taken care of.

“Alright, let me shower and sit with you for dinner, and then I’ll go.”

“Mm okay.” I said, standing precariously on my tiptoe and boot-toe to give him a quick peck. “Good boy.”

I moved to back up, but Carlisle’s arms were suddenly around my waist. I couldn’t read his expression, but it seemed like a cross between astonishment, amusement, and arousal.

Esme’s laugh tolled like a bell from the other room, and then she was behind me, her arms going around my tummy so I was sandwiched between them.

“What? Did you not like that?” I asked, Esme’s chin resting on my shoulder. “I like when you call me a good girl,” I pointed out, my face reddening.

“Sweetheart, if Carlisle had circulation, he’d be blushing up a storm,” Esme informed me.

I could feel my smile widen to a grin as I re-examined Carlisle’s face. “Well, go be a good boy and shower, then.”

And just like that, he was gone. Esme had to hold me up because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t stand.

Esme gave Carlisle the details of how the day had gone with the baked goods while Carlisle meticulously twirled the spaghetti on a fork for me before feeding it to me, his other hand floating underneath the fork to catch and sauce.

When I finished nibbling on the piece of garlic bread, Carlisle seemed nervous. He rubbed the front of his neck and sat up a little more.

“Duckling, Dr. Sinclair asked me if I’d work the Christmas morning shift, from 5AM to 5PM.”

I wiped my fingers on the napkin Esme handed me. “Oh, okay. Shall we have our Christmas before or after?”

His posture softened. “That would be okay with you? Really, it’s very busy on Christmas.”

“I know it is,” I assured him. “Besides, I don’t care when we have Christmas as long as it’s before 2020.”

“Oh, I can assure you it will be.” Carlisle promised.

After dinner, I settled under a blanket on the sofa to watch Elf while Esme wrote out some letters to pen pals. Carlisle kept lingering, bringing me hot chocolate and a container of popcorn, pretzels, and M&Ms.

“The sooner you go, the sooner you’ll be back,” I said to him, taking his hand to kiss his palm. “I don’t want you to be gone either, but you’ll feel better once you’ve hunted.”

“I won’t be here to put you to bed,” he said softly.

“Maybe not tonight,” I said. “But I’m sure you’ll make it up to me.”

He sighed, not fully enjoying my joke. He leaned down to kiss my cheek, then kissed the top of Esme’s head, before disappearing down the hall.

Sometime after Buddy the Elf arrived in New York, the creeping dread began to seep into my bones. I went to the bathroom, splashed some cold water on my face, and started putting on pyjamas. Standing in the closet, I heard a creak. I froze, and panic washed over me like an icy shower. Despite the feeling, I felt entirely too warm. My hands shook as I pulled on my pants as quiet as I could, feeling like if I breathed too loudly I might die.

I heard another noise, and I let out a frightened yell. “Esme?”

The closet door opened and I thought I might pass out before my brain registered Esme’s form. I threw myself into her arms, my head colliding with her collarbone.

“Deirdre, what’s wrong?” she asked, her cool arms wrapping around my back. I held her tightly, like she might try to leave. The coolness of her body felt soothing to the uncomfortable warmth.

“I don’t know,” I said, my voice tight. “I can’t breathe. Es, help me!”

She pulled away, and it took me a long minute to realize the pathetic crying sound had originated from me. She held me by my shoulders, her eyes wide and alarmed as she scanned me. One hand left my arm to rest over my heart.

“Kitten, your poor little heart is racing,” she said. Her fearful expression became blurred by my tears, and I desperately fought to breathe, every successful breath stolen by uncontrollable sobs.

I felt disoriented, and then I realized she’d moved me to the living room. She sat down, pulling me with her to sit on the couch while she dialed the phone. She let out a string of curses I’d never heard her use before, and then she tried another number.

“Evening Esme,” a young male voice answered, his tone relaxed. I realized she’d put the phone on speaker.

“Something’s wrong with Deirdre,” Esme said quickly. “And Carlisle’s gone hunting—I can’t reach him.”

“What’s happened?” the relaxed tone was gone. “I can hear her hyperventilating.”

I clamped a hand over my mouth, trying to muffle the cries and gasps for air from the golden child.

“Her heart’s beating fast as well, she’s warm and sweaty and frightened. Do I need to take her to the hospital, Edward? I’m so scared to take her.”

“It sounds like a heart attack or a panic attack, and judging by her age, I’d say it’s a panic attack unless you have concerns about her heart.”

Esme looked at me, and I shook my head.

“No heart concerns,” Esme relayed. I took the hand that wasn’t holding the phone and pressed it to my forehead.

“Did the panic attack just start?”

“Yes,” Esme said.

“They typically reach their peak within ten minutes. Is she sitting up?” Edward asked.

“Yes, mostly.”

“That’ll help her breathe better.”

Esme adjusted me to sit up straighter, pulling my hand off of my mouth.

“You can coach her to take slower, longer breaths. Some people find that hard, or more distressing because they’re already trying so hard to breathe. She won’t stop breathing, though. If she passes out from hyperventilating, she will continue to breathe.”

It struck me how calm Edward was—in a way, he reminded me of Carlisle. Esme did seem to take comfort in his clear instructions.

“Deirdre, you’re going to be alright.” He said to me directly. “Panic attacks don’t last very long, and you will recover from it. Esme is with you. You are safe.”

“That’s right, sweetheart. I’m right here. You’ll be okay.”

“Deep, slow breaths,” Edward reminded the two of us.

“I—can’t,” I sobbed.

Esme hushed me, kissing my cheek. “It’s alright, love. Try to breathe with me, but don’t worry yourself. Breathe in… breathe out. Breathe in… and out. That’s a bit better, darling.”

It felt like a lifetime of my lungs burning, but eventually I slumped against Esme, an exhausted, clammy mess.

“She’ll be tired and maybe sore.” Edward’s voice broke through the growing quiet. “Some water, a small snack, and rubbing sore muscles will help her recover. She should rest when she’s able.”

“Thank you, Edward,” Esme said, her body noticeably relaxing as well.

“Thanks,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.

“You’re welcome—you’re both very welcome. I should let you go, but I’ll keep my phone by me.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” Esme promised him.

“Excellent—Bella’s hovering over my shoulder, worried about Deirdre.”

If I wasn’t so tired, I would’ve blushed. To think someone who’d never met me was worried, although maybe just worried because Esme was so distressed. That had to be it.

“Don’t worry Bella, I’m keeping my eye on her.”

“I know,” A soft voice called from a distance.

“Have a goodnight, you two.”

“We will,” Edward answered. “Take care. Call me back if you need to.”

Esme lifted me up without warning, and the room spun.

“Sorry, baby,” Esme cooed. She set me on the bed, sourcing some fresh pyjamas before giving me a world-record setting fastest sponge bath ever. I closed my eyes, just relieved to be able to breathe.

Esme disappeared and reappeared in a matter of seconds with a cup of apple juice and two cookies. The cup had a lid and a straw, but I didn’t say a word as she held it for me so I could drink. Edward was right about the drink and a snack. Five minutes later, Esme was positioning me in the middle of the bed, among all the pillows.

“Don’t leave me,” I whispered. Esme gave me a confused look, standing up to turn off the overhead light. My chest felt tight until I felt her crawl across the bed, one leg going over my hip while her arm wrapped around my torso.

“I’m right here. I’ll always be here.”

I pulled her arm so she would hold me tighter. The pressure felt good. I swallowed, clearing my throat. “I’m sorry about…”

“Don’t, Deirdre.” Esme stopped me, pressing a kiss to my neck as she spoke quietly to me. “You have nothing to apologize for, and my God you’ve had more than enough happen to you in your life to cause panic attacks. I’m surprised that was your first one.”

“I don’t know why it happened, I was just getting my pyjamas on…”

“It’s alright, duckling. It’s not your fault.”

“I know, I just…”

“Enough,” Esme said firmly. I shivered. She busied herself with petting my hair and caressing my face until I sagged into the pillows.

Her phone buzzed, and I heard her answer the phone.

“Everything’s alright, darling,” Esme said. It took a long second for me to realize she wasn’t talking to me. “Deirdre had a panic attack. Neither of us are sure why, but I called Edward because I thought I might have to take her to the hospital. Yes, she’s doing much better. Yes. Yes, juice and a few cookies. She’s quite tired now; we’re laying in bed. One second.”

“Deirdre? Sweet one, are you alright?”

Carlisle’s voice was incredibly distressed over the phone.

“I’m okay now,” I answered, my voice scratchy. “I’m sorry to worry you, I don’t know why it happened.”

“No need to apologize. I should have been there for you, for both of you.”

“My love, we couldn’t possibly know…” Esme said.

“It was scary, but it’s not a big deal,” I told him. “I don’t even know why it happened.”

“It’s your anxiety, Deirdre,” Carlisle said, his voice slightly tinny over the phone. “We shall start our counselling sessions tomorrow, and we can discuss medication—”

“I don’t want to take medication.”

“We will discuss it tomorrow.” He replied, sounding less like we would be ‘discussing’ and more like he would be telling me I’d be taking meds.

I twisted around in Esme’s arms and pressed my face into her shoulder.

“Dee’s pretty tired, dear,” Esme told him. I could hear him sigh, the wind blowing around him. “You can talk to her in the morning.”

“I’ve finished hunting. I’ll be home in an hour.” He declared, sounding more curt than ever before. “I will see you soon. Love you both.”

“Love you,” I mumbled against Esme’s shoulder.

“We love you too,” she echoed to him. “Be safe, please.”

I did feel tired, but I couldn’t drift off until Carlisle got home. Esme ended up wrapping me in blankets and bringing me to the living room to await the return of our lover.

Headlights flashed against our curtains, and a moment later Carlisle was scooping us into his arms. I felt him breathe deeply a few times, his chilly face pressing against the crook of my neck.

“Another minute, please,” he said when Esme tried to move. I managed to wiggle one arm out of the blanket to wrap around his waist and pat his back.

After much longer than a minute, Carlisle pulled away, letting Esme help him out of his jacket and boots he’d left on in his rush. His eyes were lighter, but not quite golden. When he noticed me staring, he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

Carlisle carried me to the room, insisting on a detailed account of what had happened.

“And how do you feel now, little one?”

“Like I’ve been run over with a truck,” I joked. My back, shoulders, and legs were really sore.

“Where are you sore?” Carlisle asked, making me point and explain.

“It’s not that bad, you know I’ve had worse…”

This was the wrong thing to say. A sharp hiss made goosebumps appear over my arms, and I froze.

“Sorry,” Carlisle said, standing up and pacing the room.

“Love,” Esme called to him. “She’s alright. Would you get the lotion from the bathroom? Maybe you can help me with her.”

I gave Esme a look, but she patted the bed for me to lie down. “On your tummy, please. Good girl.”

Her praise made me melt against the mattress, and I heard her chuckle.

“See? She’s going to be fine.”

I heard a top being unscrewed, and then pressure as Carlisle got onto the bed. “But if it wasn’t a panic attack, if it was something else, I would have been too far…”

“It’s not like she’s pregnant, or out on her own. She was with me, and you’d seen her just before.” Esme reasoned with him.  One hand pulled up the back of my shirt, and Carlisle’s hand moved down my back, assessing the areas where the muscles were tight.

“Carlisle, if it’s any conciliation, it went on for a while and I don’t think there was anything that could’ve made it shorter.” I said, slurring my words as I started to fall asleep. That was until I had two pairs of hands simultaneously begin working on my back and shoulders.

“I still wish I’d been there for you.”

“You’re here right n-OW!”

“Sorry, kitten.” Esme interrupted. “You’ve got a nasty knot in your shoulder.”

Esme continued working on my shoulder while Carlisle began massaging my calves, being extra careful with the leg that was in the boot. If the pain in my shoulder wasn’t so strong, I would’ve passed out from how good it felt for my muscles in my legs to relax.

“We can get some rabbits, if it’ll make you feel better, honey.” I told him.

“That’s quite all right,” He murmured, his voice still tinged with unhappiness. I wondered why he was so upset—as a doctor, he had to know panic attacks weren’t a big deal, right?

I gripped the sheets and gritted my teeth, pushing my face into the bed to try to muffle the groan. Vampires never tired, and the hands on me were relentless until I was a pile of jelly.

“I don’t know how to make you feel better,” I mumbled into the blankets. Carlisle strapped my leg back into the boot.

“Don’t think so much of it,” he murmured. “You’ll make yourself ill with worry.”

Esme rolled me over so I was on my back. Carlisle moved so he was closer to me, holding out a hand for Esme before resting his other hand on my cheek. His gaze was a hundred miles away. I reached up to take his hand, pressing the palm to my lips. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“Maybe you two should go have tender, passionate sex downstairs.” I suggested, releasing his hand.

His eyes ignited, his mouth twitching. “Why would you say that?”

My face warmed, and I glanced at Esme. “I dunno? I imagine it would be comforting, and get your mind off of your worries. I mean, you can’t exactly go at it in here with me, but…” I trailed off, then sat up, horrified. “Where do you guys have sex?”

Carlisle burst out laughing, and he pulled me into his lap, his arms wrapping around me. Esme also laughed, reaching over to pat my knee.

“Usually in the backyard these days,” she said with a grin. “That way we don’t break any furniture or wake you up.”

That way we don’t break any furniture.

Carlisle kissed my temple while I processed that bit of information. “You snore a little, when you’re sleeping deeply. We know we can get away for an hour or so.”

I groaned and turned into his shoulder to hide. Carlisle shook with quiet laughter, and gently patted my back. Now that the mood was lighter, I was quickly fading.

“Alright, well have fun.” I said, yawning. Esme pulled back the covers and I crawled under. To my surprise, Esme laid down on one side of me, and Carlisle on the other.

“Aren’t you two going to go have passionate outdoor snow sex?” I asked sleepily.

“We may, but after you go to sleep.” Esme said. I could hear the smile in her voice.

“S’okay. Just go, have fun. Try not to break the deck.”

“We can wait.” Carlisle replied softly. “You’ll be asleep shortly.”

I woke up in the morning to the smell of bacon. The curtains were open, and early morning light filtered through the trees in the back yard. I got out of bed and clomped over to the window in my boot, peering out to scan the back yard.

“Looking for something?”

“Jesus!”

Carlisle steadied me before I fell. “Just me, I’m afraid,” he joked. I rolled my eyes. I made a move to go, but his arm tightened. “What were you looking for?” he asked.

I swallowed. “Um, checking if the deck made it?”

He grinned. “The deck made it, although it was never really in danger to begin with. The wood gets too creaky, and it splinters easily in the cold I find.”

“Alright, Casanova. I’ll take your word for it.”

His eyes were happier today, which set me at ease. “One day, you won’t have to take my word for it,” he said.

I felt a blush creep up my neck. “You’ve got to marry me first,” I said, trying to tease him.

“Oh, I know,” he said, a small smile on his lips. Fuck. I was going to melt right there and then.

“Breakfast!” Esme called from the kitchen. Carlisle took my hand and led me out of the bedroom. Esme took her apron off, setting it aside before pulling a chair out for me and kissing my cheek.

I picked up my fork with my hand not wrapped in a tensor bandage, then looked at Carlisle.

“Don’t you have work?”

“No.” he said plainly.

“I thought you did.”

“I called out sick. We’re not going to the ball tonight, either.”

I sagged in my seat, relief rushing through me. No one was going to stare or whisper at us tonight. “Good. That’s probably a good idea.”

Esme brought me my little cup of vitamins. I peered into the container, confused by the mixture.

“There’s too many of the yellow ones,” I said, picking them out.

“No, there isn’t,” Carlisle said, taking the discarded ones and adding them back to my cup.

“Uh-uh, I get two of these bright yellow ones, not four.”

“Your dose changed,” he said. I could tell he was trying to play off how much my refusal bothered him. Esme was watching us, inhumanely still.

“You’re not out in the sun as much in the winter, Deirdre. You need the extra vitamin D.”

Aw man. Vitamin D sounded important.

“Alright.”

Esme had made me bacon, eggs, and toast. I dug in while Carlisle opened his phone to read the news, and Esme continued a landscape scene she was embroidering.

“What’s new in the world?” I asked Carlisle, leaning to one side to get a glimpse at his phone. He tilted the screen away from me as I moved.

“No news is good news, love. Anyway, Es and I were thinking you might like to come with us for a hike.”

I set down my fork. “Um, you remember I’m wearing a boot cast, right?”

“Yes,” Carlisle said with a grin. “I didn’t forget that little tidbit. No, you won’t be walking—one of us would carry you.”

I looked from him to Esme. “And I supposed neither of you would tire?”

“Not at all,” Esme said with a smile.

Carlisle wrapped my boot with a blanket scarf, then taped on a garbage bag before pulling me into his arms. My legs wrapped around his waist, and one of his hands went under my backside while the other went to my back to press me to him.

It was another cloudy day, but near the horizon the blue sky threatened to peak through.

“You won’t catch fire in the sun, will you?” I asked, resting my face on his scarf. Carlisle chuckled.

“No.”

Esme smile, walking behind Carlisle on the narrow path. At parts it began to seem a bit precarious, but Carlisle carried me with ease. At last, we reached a lookout point, and Carlisle set me down to let me look for myself. The view was stunning, and the clouds parted to let the sun through.

I turned to say something to them, but I lost the words.

Carlisle had his arm around Esme’s waist, and the pair were looking at me a bit nervously as their faces glittered like cut diamonds. There were even little rainbows on the snow from where the light hit their skin and bounced off.

“Does it hurt?” I asked, my brain still trying to comprehend what I was seeing.

“Not at all,” Esme said softly. I took a step towards them, taking the mitten off of my good hand and tucking it under my elbow before reaching over to touch Esme’s cheek. Her cheek was cold and as smooth as always. Where my hand made a shadow, her skin returned to its normal, non-glittering pallor.

I turned to Carlisle, my hand raising before I paused. His gloved hand took mine and pressed it to his cheek, letting me examine him as I had Esme.

“It’s so beautiful. Why…?”

“No one knows why,” Carlisle said. “But this is the reason we can’t go out in public when it’s sunny. Why we choose to live where it is overcast.”

I frowned, combing through my memory. Had I really never seen them on a sunny day? No.

My thumb moved over his dusty pink lips, which were soft pink diamonds in contrast to the bright white of his face.

When I blinked, I had spots in my vision.

“I think I’m getting snow blindness from staring at you both.” I admitted, squinting to try to relieve the burning.

“Oh dear,” Esme said, her gloved hand moving to cover my eyes.

“I want to see you again,” I said, holding onto her arm.

“We’ll have to get you some sunglasses for the trip.” Carlisle thought aloud.

“Oh gosh, probably.” I said, waving one arm around in his direction before he gently took my hand. “Is this my Christmas present?” I asked.

“What? Seeing us in the sun?” Esme asked.

“Yeah. I’ve never seen something so… beautiful. Beautiful doesn’t even feel like an adequate word.”

“This isn’t your Christmas present,” Carlisle clarified. “We just wanted to show you.”

“Thank you,” I said quietly. I could feel tears coming on. “For this, and everything.”

Esme took her hand off my eyes. “Oh duckling, please don’t cry.” She pulled me to her, her cold face pressing against my neck. I felt hot and sweaty and sticky with tears as I cried. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. From happiness? Relief? All I knew is that it felt right to cling to her, and it felt even better when Carlisle wrapped his arms around the both of us.

“Time to go home and have some hot chocolate, I think.” He said. The clouds had covered the sun, and I touched his face again, just to make sure he was real.

Chapter Text

Chapter 19: Adjuration

I did not feel good.

Esme spent the better part of the day rushing around the house, doing ‘Christmas cleaning’. Our bags were packed and waiting by the front door.

With each passing hour, the house was looking more and more scarce. Esme left the living room mostly intact, but even the kitchen was packed away.

“Where’ve you put the furniture?” I asked her.

“In storage,” she said simply. “We’ve got lots in storage, and it’ll be nice to have something different when we get back from vacation, don’t you think?”

“Sure,” I agreed, even though I didn’t. It sounded excessive, to be honest. Esme had kissed my cheek and continued on. Did rich people change out furniture? Did middle-class people change out furniture? I’d never seen it on TV. There was certainly not that level of frivolity in the cult, although I remembered people bringing us old things. I remembered some of my clothes being replaced, and some of my sister’s.

I thought about Mara for awhile. Carlisle had said at some point she’d married Henry. She hadn’t liked him much when we were younger. I wondered what she looked like now—it had been five years since I’d seen her. She would be twenty now—her birthday was in June. I wonder what Henry had told her about me and Carlisle. I wondered if she believed him, and I wondered if she felt stuck in the cult the way I had, or if she was still happy.

At 3:30, I was permitted to take a supervised shower, after which Esme performed some low-level magic on my curly hair to make it behave. It actually looked cute and bouncy.

“Thanks, Es,” I murmured. She leaned forward so I could kiss her on the cheek. Then she helped me get dressed in some cute, but ridiculous clothes courtesy of Alice.

“For pictures, darling. You know, our first Christmas together,” Esme explained as she helped me not topple over as I balanced on my good foot.

“You’re going to wear something equally as ridiculous, right?” I asked. Esme smiled up at me.

“Yes. But I must say, I quite like these long stockings on you.”

Esme ran her hand up from my ankle to my thigh.

“Esme!” I chided. She laughed, standing to wrap her arms around my waist. Her smile was warm, and something about it made me melt. One hand went to my cheek.

“I love Carlisle dearly, as he does me. But I don’t think either of us realized how lonely we were before you.”

I pursed my lips, trying not to let the compliment bowl me over. “You’d be okay. You’ve got your hobbies—”

“And Carlisle has his work,” Esme said with a sigh. She pet my hair for a minute before sighing again, her eyes returning to mine. “Once you’ve lived as long as I have, or Carlisle has, you’ll understand jobs and hobbies and fleeting friends can only fill so many hours, can only keep you busy for so long.”

“Well, now you’ll have a hobby that never goes away, except to sleep.”

Esme shook her head at me. “You’re much more than a hobby, Deirdre. You know I was kidding about Carlisle and I having flings when we first met. I couldn’t exactly tell you that you were our soul mate. Well, not without some mental anguish on your end,” Esme said with a laugh. She leaned forward, nuzzling my nose with hers, before releasing me. “Carlisle will be home soon. Why don’t you sit in the living room? I’ve got to get ready.”

“Okay,” I said, accepting one more quick kiss before Esme left me in the closet. A moment later, I could hear the water running in the bathroom.

I was facing the window, chewing on the skin around my fingernails when Carlisle pulled into the driveway.

He whizzed through the house so fast I barely saw him. Just enough for me to wonder dejectedly why he hadn’t even said hi. A few minutes later he zoomed into the living room, coming to a stop in order to sit on the couch and pull me into his lap.

“Merry Christmas, Deirdre.”

His hair was ever so slightly damp, and he was warm to the touch—he’d showered. He took my hand away from my mouth, examining the work I’d done on my fingers.

“Merry Christmas,” I murmured, trying to dig for an atom of enthusiasm.

“What’s wrong, little one?” he asked, smoothing my hair away from my face.

“Nothing. I’m sorry. I just feel weird,” I admitted, wrapping my arms around his neck. He sighed, patting my back. “How was the hospital?” I mumbled against his neck.

“Busy. Quite busy, I’m afraid. I’m sorry I had to run straight to the shower—I could see the droplets on my shirt from where patients coughed on me.”

That made me feel a tiny bit better. “Gross.”

Carlisle chuckled. “Indeed. Although I’d have to say I don’t mind it much—it’s not dangerous to me. Only dangerous for you.”

I wiggled my foot nervously for a minute before he trapped it with his hand.

He sighed. “Tell me your worries, please.”

I pursed my lips. “I told you I don’t know.” I said. We were quiet for a minute, my mind whirring. “I guess I’m worried about going on the plane tomorrow. And meeting your family in a few days. And whether or not you’ll like the nickname I picked for you.”

“I see.” Carlisle said. He was quiet for a few minutes. “What if we called Alice on our way to the airport in the morning?”

“I wouldn’t want to bother her,” I murmured. I heard a chorus of phone beeps.

“I don’t believe that will be an issue,” Carlisle assured, a smile in his words. “As for our family… they will love you, because Esme and I love you. Perhaps a few will need some time, but that is not your burden to bear. Do you understand?”

I nodded, even though I was fully prepared to worry about it anyway.

“And lastly, for the nicknames… little one, if I’d known you were going to worry about it so much, I wouldn’t have asked in the first place.”

I gave a little nod. “It’s not Baby, I promise.”

Carlisle chuckled, then kissed my cheek. “Oh, thank goodness,” he said, relaxing into the couch for dramatic effect. He closed his eyes, and I couldn’t help my wandering hands that rested on his cheeks, tracing his features. I think we both needed this—some cuddle time, for lack of a better description. Closeness, maybe.

“Can vampires tan?” I asked quietly, quickly adding. “Don’t tell Edward I asked.”

One eye flicked open. “No, DeeDee. And why shall I not tell Edward?”

I could feel my face turn red. “I don’t want your favourite child to hear about all my silly questions.”

“Whyever not? I love your silly questions.” He said, both eyes open and his mouth pulled into a little frown.

I looked away, but Carlisle never let me get away with ending a conversation like that. He took my chin and turned my face back to his.

“Explain, Deirdre.” He said.

“I already explained,” I complained. Carlisle raised his brows at me, and I decided to look off at the ceiling. No chin adjustments could make me meet his gaze.

“Deirdre,” he murmured, a warning. A warning I did not appreciate. I tried to get off his lap, but his arm snacked around my hips and pulled me back. My boot hit his shin with a thump, and I apologized even though I knew it didn’t hurt him. I was annoyed with his tone, but as I stared at the ceiling I realized I wouldn’t, in a million years, complain like I had to my father or any of the shitty cult men. I wouldn’t dare. Carlisle could rip me in half with his bare hands, break my ribs and yank out my still-beating heart Temple-of-Doom style. And yet I knew he would never.

“Can diamonds scratch you?” I asked after a long pause, on an entirely different train of thought than a few minutes previous.

“No.” Carlisle responded simply. “The only thing that can break us is another vampire.”

That made me shiver. “Why…?”

“Why would one vampire kill another?”

I nodded, meeting his eyes again. He’d gone hunting on Christmas eve, and his eyes were still bright. “There are lots of reasons, just like with humans. Fighting, jealousy, territorial disputes… You’ve got to remember though, my love, that there are very few vampires to begin with. I’m sure Jasper would gladly talk you through some of the history of vampire armies, if you asked.”

“Vampire armies?” I said, trailing off. I pet his still-damp hair as I thought. “If someone turned John-David into a vampire, would he be stronger than you?”

Carlisle looked my expression over carefully. “Initially. Newborn vampires—that is, vampires within their first year of existence—are much stronger than older vampires. They are, however, impulsive, and generally less skillful fighters. If John-David were to be turned, our family would be more than strong enough to disarm him.”

“Because regular guns and things wouldn’t do.” I stated.

“That’s right, Deirdre. But you are safe, and he will never bother you again, I promise. Have you been thinking about him frequently?”

“I don’t know. I guess, kind of. I get worried they’ll come around with some police or something and try to prove you and Esme aren’t human.” I admitted.

Carlisle took one of my hands, pressing the gnawed-on tips of my fingers to his lips as he assessed me. “You’re perfectly safe, Deirdre.”

“Perfectly safe with my vampire lovers?” I teased. I heard Esme laugh from behind me, and then chilly lips pressed against my neck.

“Exactly,” Esme hummed.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “It feels a bit scandalous to call Carlisle my lover.”

“That’s because you still think he’s a prude.” Esme joked. Carlisle’s eyes narrowed at us, but he couldn’t stop smiling.

Esme wrapped her arms around my waist, pulling me up to stand flush against her. She rested her head on my shoulder.

“Well, darling,” Esme said, addressing her husband. “It’s hard for Deirdre and I to love on each other, when we’re missing an integral part.”

“My sincerest apologies,” Carlisle murmured, his lips parting into a grin. “And whatever shall I do to make it up to my girls?”

“What do you think, DeeDee?” Esme whispered. I could feel my face turning red.

“I dunno. But I guess that was rather naughty of you.”

I think I saw Carlisle’s brain misfire, and Esme squeezed me tighter and laughed. In fact, we all started to laugh, until the weird feeling in my chest started to dissipate enough that I could pretend it wasn’t there.

“Can we open presents, now?” I asked softly.

“Certainly, duckling.” Carlisle said, smiling indulgently as I untangled myself from Esme and raced over to the Christmas tree, where our stockings lay with three presents. I carefully picked up the stockings and brought them over to the couch, then returned for the presents.

“Would you like to start?” Esme asked.

“No,” I said with a laugh. “I’m too nervous.”

“You don’t need to be nervous,” Esme said, plucking the first little package out of her stocking. I’d put the things she’d asked for on top, and the ‘surprises’ on the bottom.

Esme unwrapped the bundle of embroidery thread she’d asked for, and smiled sweetly at me, like I was her kid showing her my macaroni art that she was definitely putting up on the fridge.

“Thank you for remembering,” she said.

Carlisle took out the top bundle and carefully unwrapped the tie.

“Very nice,” he said. “Thank you.”

“Welcome,” I mumbled. At the speed they were going, it would be time to leave for the airport before they got to the bottom of their stockings.

But eventually, Esme had unwrapped the craft things she’d wanted, and the ones I’d picked out, the lingerie Alice had helped with, and her tool belt (which she seemed excited about, to my extreme pleasure), and Carlisle had unwrapped his tie, socks, cufflinks, and travel mug, and all that was left were the nicknames.

Carlisle went first, painstakingly unwrapping the present like he was unveiling a great treasure. His eyes scanned the word a millisecond before he smiled.

“Is it okay?” I whispered.

“It’s wonderful,” Carlisle said softly. He set the little water painting aside and held his arms out to me. I scrambled off the floor to climb into his arms, and happily accepted the embrace and kisses pressed to my cheek.

Next up was Esme, and I held by breath to the point I got dizzy waiting for her to unwrap it.

“I’m going to shrivel up like human jerky,” I whispered to myself, and she threw me a playful glare before hurrying up.

She looked at the page and tried to smile. “It’s nice, I just don’t get it,” she said honestly. Her smile kept flickering. “I’ll love it if you love it, duckling.”

I sat up a little as Carlisle craned his neck to see what Esme had gotten.

“Here’s the thing,” I said. “I wanted it for the iterations. Yes, Honeybee sounds a bit stale. But you are also my sweet bee, my busy bee, our queen bee…”

Esme pursed her lips, thought for a minute, and then smiled. “Okay. It’s grown on me rather quickly.”

“And you officially get to hog the honey title,” I pointed out. “Carlisle’s iterations are going to be a hot mess.”

Carlisle groaned as Esme laughed.

“What, pray tell,” he began, “are the iterations of Flittermouse?”

“Well, who’s to say, firstly,” I pointed out. I touched my temples and narrowed my eyes like I was trying to see the future. “But I think I see… mouse-y boy. Mouse papa. Batman.”

Esme cackled as Carlisle huffed playfully. I laughed, and then Esme laughed so I laughed again, this time so hard I couldn’t breathe until I collapsed against him.

“Thank you, Deirdre.” Carlisle murmured after I caught my breath.

Esme stroked the curls she’d set. “We are so lucky to have you, duckling.”

It was ridiculous, but I felt so incredibly exhausted by the relief that I flopped against Carlisle, my eyelids fluttering open and shut…

“Sweet one, shall I get you a little coffee?” Esme asked, tucking a curl behind my ear.

“It’s okay,” I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. “Our flight leaves early.”

“It does,” Carlisle agreed, a hand rubbing from my shoulder down to my elbow, “but we’ll roll you into the car when it’s time, and breeze you through security, and by the time you know it, we’ll be on a boat.”

“Hm,” I hummed. I’d never been on a boat before. Or a plane.

Carlisle shifted, and then pushed me into Esme’s lap.

“I’ve made coffee a few hundred times. I’ll be right back.”

I leaned against Esme and sighed. “I feel like a party pooper.”

“You’re not,” she said, something in her gaze tipping off how much she was enjoying herself. “You’re actually delectable when you’re sleepy, but I think you’ll want to remember your first Christmas with us.”

First Christmas. I liked all that the term implied.

Carlisle returned shortly after, placing my stocking on my lap. Everything was wrapped neatly in multiply layers of tissue paper, and I tried my best to show restraint, but I was just so excited. There was a book of scratch art templates and a little metal scratching tool, a book that’s cover made me blush, chocolates, and a matching hat, scarf, and mittens. I kept rubbing the mittens against my face—they were so stinkin’ soft.

“Thank you,” I murmured to Esme, leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“You’re very welcome, sweetheart.”

Carlisle picked up the presents from the floor and passed one to Esme and one to me, before collecting his own.

Inside Esme’s box was an envelope, and inside the envelope were some pictures. The first was of a collection of beat-up looking antiques, and the next was of a pile of bolts of fabric beside a sewing machine, and the last picture was of a variety of materials.

“Those will be ready for you when we return from vacation,” Carlisle explained, I’m sure mostly for my benefit. Esme beamed at him and leaned across me to kiss him. She let me look at the photos before setting everything else aside.

I opened my box to find winter boots. I grinned at Carlisle.

“Thank you,” I said.

“You’re very welcome,” he responded. I leaned over and kissed his cheek carefully, like doing it carefully would make it less touchy somehow.

“Would you try them on?” he asked. I pulled myself up and sat on the ground, pulling one boot onto my good foot and wiggling my toes.

“It fits,” I assured him.

“You should try both feet,” Carlisle insisted, getting off the couch and unstrapping the first part of my boot.

I pulled out some of the wadded-up paper, then shoved my hand deeper into the boot. There was something there. A small, hard, rounded, velvety something. I pulled it out, looking at the small box in the palm of my hand before I realized.

“Hold shit,” I whispered. Esme covered her mouth to try to muffle her laugh. Even Carlisle chuckled.

“Are you serious?” I asked, looking between them, “You’re sure, right?”

“Duckling, I knew the first time I met you, and I’ve been more sure every day since,” Esme whispered. I could feel my throat burn with emotion, and Carlisle gently took the box from me.

My brain was spinning. This was good, right? This is what I wanted, right? Safe and loved and cared for?

“Deirdre Woods, from the moment we met you, we knew you belonged with us. You are kind, humorous, intelligent, and gentle. We promise to love you, and cherish you, and keep you safe. Will you be our wife?”

“Yes,” I whispered, unthinking. Between the thoughts that bounced around, there was no way to say no, right? Right. Esme was at my side in an instant, giving me a squeeze and then a long kiss. I heard a soft thump, and then Carlisle was pulling out the ring and maneuvering it onto my left hand. Esme pulled me back into her arms and kissed me some more.

Carlisle’s joy was much more… level. Actually, he didn’t seem to be celebrating. “Deirdre, are you alright, darling? You seem a little shocked,” Carlisle murmured. He held my face in his hands and assessed me before relaxing somewhat.

“I’m a little shocked,” I admitted.

“You shouldn’t be,” he said gently, like it was just silly for me to be shocked that my overprotective vampire lovers of the last few months had proposed. Well, when you put it that way…

Carlisle re-fastened the strap of my plastic boot.

I actually felt worse than shocked. My stomach hurt, and I started to have that creepy feeling from a few days ago. The one that led to a panic attack.

If I had a panic attack right after they proposed, that would be bad, right? Would they ‘discipline’ me, and would I like that? Or would they send me back to live with Lucy? Not that there was anything wrong with living with Lucy. Except that I knew my crazy cult relations could break into my apartment. Would they break in on Lucy? Was she in danger? Would Lucy even let me come back if they didn’t want me anymore?

“Duckling,” Esme whispered, giving me a squeeze. Carlisle’s chilly hands reached out and cradled my face.

“I’m…” I kept gasping for air, “—so sorry, I can’t… it’s not about this, I don’t know… why…this is literally the w-worst… time…”

“It’s alright, Deirdre. Esme and I know you’re not upset with us.” Carlisle pulled me into his arms. “It’s alright, sweet one. I know you’re scared. I’m going to ask you to take some slow breaths with me, and I just want you to do your best.”

Carlisle tried a few minutes of getting me to breathe with him. It got marginally easier, but at some point he just stood up with me, my legs around his waist and my face tucked into his neck, and he walked around the house, then the backyard. The cold air actually felt really good, and I found myself holding on tighter to Carlisle for (luke)warmth. I was a little surprised at how calm he was, given that after the first panic attack he more or less freaked out. A Carlisle freak out was more of an intense worry session than anything else, and a need for a cuddle with all parties. That was fair—I also liked a cuddle after a good cry. Or during a good cry. Or anytime in general.

“How’s my girl?” Carlisle murmured. I realized I’d calmed down in his arms. We were still outside.

“Better. Thank you.”

“You’re always welcome, sweet one.”

I kissed his neck. “You’re the best batman ever.”

Carlisle adjusted me in his arms so he could look at me as he spoke. He was fighting a smile and losing. “You know, you really ought to start out by calling me flittermouse before you go into the spin-offs.”

“Sorry, mouse boy.”

Carlisle narrowed his eyes playfully, and then moved forward to kiss my forehead. “Fine. Have it your way.”

I felt incredibly satisfied until Carlisle shifted my torso over his shoulder, and a hand reined down on my bottom. It would’ve been worse if the skirt of my dress hadn’t been so poofy, something Carlisle noticed as he flicked it up and out of his way, rubbing across my bottom.

“Hey!”

“Hay is for horses, little one.”

“I didn’t even break a rule, you’re just trigger happy,” I pouted.

“You can consider that a maintenance spank. Esme and I planned to dance the night away with you, and we’d like it if we didn’t have to stop to chastise you.”

“I’ll be good,” I promised airily. “I love dancing with you. Do I get to dance with Es, too?”

“Yes you do, my dear.”

Carlisle brought me inside and set me upright again, fluffing up my skirt and carefully fixing my hair. He brushed the tears off of my face and brought me back into the living room. Esme had an old camera set up on a tripod.

“Photoshoot time,” she said with a smile. Carlisle sat down and arranged me on his lap so that when Esme rushed over, they could share me. We took so many photos I lost track—a few dozen together, then just with Esme, and just with Carlisle, and then a few on my own which I wasn’t a fan of at all. Carlisle and Esme also took two or three pictures by themselves, and then someone turned on the music and the dancing began. My mouth hurt from smiling so much, and when my feet hurt I’d take a break and sip the coffee Carlisle had made for me until I ran out. Then it would be my turn again, and Carlisle or Esme would have me spinning and laughing and smiling and blushing until the whole evening turned into one, big happy blur. Esme brought me some watered-down juice, insisting I was going to be dehydrated from dancing and from the coffee. The juice tasted weird, and I tried to remember what we had in the fridge. Esme wouldn’t give me rotten juice, that’s for sure.

Quickly after drinking the juice, the adrenaline and caffeine began to wear off. I remembered Carlisle helping Esme get me changed into comfy clothes for the airport. I was so tired I couldn’t stand.

The airport also felt blurry. So did collecting the luggage, and the taxi, and getting on the boat. I felt tired, and completely out of it, like I was living in a dream. I started feeling a bit more lucid on the boat, the cool saltwater misting my weary, confused face.

Esme gave me a squeeze. “Back?” she asked gently.

“Mhm. I don’t feel so good,” I mumbled.

“It’s okay, baby. We’re almost there.”

The boat docked, but I still felt like we were zooming across the ocean. Carlisle got out first, and Esme practically passed me to him.

The beach was something out of a movie, almost too beautiful to be real. The sun was just beginning to threaten to rise, and Carlisle quickly got our bags and tipped the person who drove the boat. Once the boat had sped off, Esme swept me off my feet and Carlisle grabbed our bags.

The inside of the house was almost as gorgeous as the beach, and was a clear reminder that Carlisle and Esme were billionaires.

Esme brought me straight to a bedroom, setting me down on the bed. I immediately threw an arm over my eyes to try to block out some of the light.

“How do you feel?” I heard Carlisle ask.

“Hungover,” I mumble. “I didn’t drink or anything. Geez, I really can’t handle coffee.”

Esme propped me up against a hotel’s worth of pillow and urged me to drink some water. She took my hair out of the bun it was in, and I moaned in relief. I didn’t even realize my hair was up. Esme shook her head at me, smiling.

“You shouldn’t make those delicious sounds,” she told me.

“It just felt really good,” I admitted. Her fingers weaved through my sweaty hair to scratch my scalp, and I thought my eyes were going to roll back into my head permanently.

I heard zippers and ruffling, and then Carlisle was helping me into some pyjamas.

“Am I sick?” I asked him, hoping he’d say yes and I’d feel like less of an ass for ruining the start of our vacation.

“It’s probably just jet lag. Just rest, the beach is not going anywhere.”

I opened my mouth to admit that I didn’t know how to swim, but I didn’t want to put yet another damper on things.

“I think I need a nap,” I admitted. “But you two don’t need to babysit me. You should go enjoy the sunrise.”

Esme rolled me onto my tummy and patted my back. “We’ll go check on things around the island. We’ll be close enough you can still call for us, if you need anything.”

“M’kay.”

I felt significantly better when I woke up. The curtains were drawn in the bedroom, but bright light peeked out under the door. I opened the door to the living room and was temporarily mesmerized by how bright it was. I blinked, eyes taking a minute to adjust. The beach house was even more comfortable than I’d realized. Everything reeked of being top of the line, including the silly little kitchen. I opened the fridge door to find it fully stocked. There were even plate and cups and pots and pans in the cupboards. Someone had even put my basket of vitamins in the cupboard. I poured myself a cup of water from the pitcher in the fridge, then decided I’d be responsible and take my vitamins. I knew what they looked like, after all.

I took down the basket, opening each bottle and removing the tablets. I took four of the fish oil pills, which were massive and orange-y and see-through. Then a thick multivitamin, and a tiny white one. Which was that? I checked the bottle—vitamin D. But I thought the other, larger white ones were vitamin D? Maybe both were… I looked through the other bottles and realized one didn’t look like the others. Instead of a normal vitamin bottle, it looked like a prescription bottle. Inside were the four white tablets I was used to taking. The bottle said paroxetine.

I poured out the tablets. They looked like the ones I always took. Paroxetine. Was that some sort of vitamin? I’d never heard the nurses at work talk about it.

I held the pills for a long time. I heard a door slide open, footsteps, and then slide closed.

“Duckling?”

I turned to find Carlisle, and Esme slightly behind him. They both looked at me, eyes a bit wide.

“Is this right?” I asked, holding out my handful of pills. Carlisle barely glanced at them.

“Yes, that’s right Deirdre.”

“Okay,” I said, tossing them in my mouth and taking a big sip of water to wash them down. They continued watching me as I swallowed and sighed. “I feel a lot better,” I said.

“You look a lot better,” Esme assured me. She seemed almost nervous, and came over to smooth back my hair and fix the collar of my pyjamas.

“Are you hungry?” Carlisle asked.

“No, my tummy still hurts.”

Esme frowned. “How about some toast?”

I sighed. “If it will make you feel better.”

Esme kissed my forehead. “It would. Thank you.”

“I aim to please,” I teased.

Behind us, Carlisle had wordlessly procured bread and had slipped a slice in the oven.

“How was the sunrise?” I asked, wrapping my arms around Esme’s waist. She was wearing a lavender one-piece swimsuit and a flowy, floral cardigan-style coverup. Esme did the same, pulling me closer to her.

“Almost as beautiful as my girls,” Carlisle replied smoothly. Esme smiled, her eyes crinkling happily.

“We’ll make sure you see a sunrise before we go home,” Esme promised. “The view is quite breathtaking.”

“Okay,” I agreed, yawning before setting my head against Esme’s shoulder. She rocked me back and forth a little as Carlisle fidgeted with the bread until retrieving it with his bare hand and setting it on a plate. I watched him butter the bread, then top off my water glass.

“There’s a hammock under some trees by the beach,” Esme murmured. “Maybe once you’ve got some sunscreen on and you’ve eaten breakfast, you can go have a nap.”

“I’ll have to put some real clothes on,” I said, yawning into my hand before moving to the barstool to pick away at the toast. I knew I should eat it in bites, but I truly wasn’t hungry. As my hand moved to pick up the toast, I noticed the ring still on my finger.

“You will become accustomed to it,” Carlisle said.

I fiddled with it. “Maybe we’d better tie it on to my hand. It’s my luck I’d lose it.”

“We won’t let that happen,” Esme promised, taking my hand to kiss my ring. I could feel a blush wind up my neck. I hadn’t had a moment to focus on it yet. The ring was beautiful and simple, a silver-coloured band that I was afraid was probably platinum, and a rectangular emerald. It was so shiny and clear that every little movement seemed to make it glimmer.

“It’s very pretty,” I murmured. “I hope… I hope you didn’t…”

I didn’t know how to end the sentence. I picked up the toast with my free hand and shoved it in my mouth.

“Deirdre,” Esme chided, a cool hand sliding under my shirt and up my back. I shivered. “What do you mean?”

I was in for it now. My eyes and my throat burned. “I would’ve said yes with something more modest. I didn’t need… I hope you don’t think…”

“Breathe slowly, duckling,” Carlisle murmured. “It’s alright. No one’s upset with you.”

“We know the ring wouldn’t matter to you, but it matters to us,” Esme explained. “We wanted you to have this. You deserve nice things, Deirdre.”

I took a shaky sip of water to try to wash the desert out of my mouth. Carlisle steadied my hand as I set it down. “I doubt I deserve this very much,” I said, moving my hand away from me and closer to Esme. If I could’ve detached my hand and chucked it across the room, I would’ve.

“You do deserve it, Deirdre,” Carlisle said, leaning his elbows onto the counter in a move that felt strangely human of him. “We have the means to get you whatever ring we wanted, and we picked the one we wanted you to have.”

He held out a hand for me, and I gently placed mine in his. “We continue to mention discussing our pasts, but I think it is now imperative we do so. We don’t you finish your breakfast? I will find your sunscreen and Esme can find you some clothes.”

I gave a little nod, and Carlisle came around the kitchen counter to kiss my temple before kissing his wife and shooting her a gentle, slightly sad smile.

Carlisle returned seconds later with the sunscreen, and Esme left to find me some clothes. She also returned almost as quickly as she’d left, holding in her hands the pink tankini Alice had bought months ago and a bright white cover up.

I pushed the last bite of toast into my mouth and pulled off my pyjama shirt, still slightly embarrassed to be naked in front of Carlisle and Esme even though they’d seen it all, multiple times at this point. Esme smiled as I wiggled into the tank top part of the tankini, then stood up off the bar stood. I looked down at my feet, then up at Carlisle. What the fuck?

“Where’s my boot?”

“You don’t need it anymore. I checked with Alice, just to confirm your bones were sufficiently healed.”

“I guess you’ll have an unrestricted view of both of my ankles, bat boy.” The words flew from my mouth before I could stop them. I clamped a hand over my mouth in shock, but Carlisle just laughed and laughed, and looked so young. Esme, also shaking with laughter, helped me into the swimsuit bottoms.

“I will have to control my urges,” Carlisle teased back, once he’d regained himself. His eyes were bright, and he looked much less tired than he did at home.

“You’ll have to, you horn dog.”

Esme let out a surprised laugh, and then we were all three laughing until I was on the floor, in Esme’s lap, just gasping for breath and wiping the tears out of my eyes.

Twenty minutes later, I was moist from sunscreen and smelling like a tropical fruit salad. Carlisle had set sunglasses on my face to protect my eyes from their glittering skin, and then we were off into the sun. Esme had found me some sandals to wear, while they both went barefoot.

The view from the porch was breathtaking, like a postcard edited to be the most beautiful colours. I could hear the waves from the beach, a safe distance away, and through a path in the pine trees I could see it. Even with yellowy sunglasses, the sky was a vibrant blue, the few clouds puffy like shaving foam. The air was warm and sweet and slightly salty, and the breeze was refreshing, but not to the point of it being cold.

“I like it here, too,” Esme said softly. I peeled my eyes away from the view to look on her—my fiancée.

“It’s aptly named,” I murmured, and she wrapped and arm around my waist, pulling me to her so she could kiss my cheek. I felt Carlisle hovering behind us, slightly nervous energy wafting off of him.

“Is there a Carl-isle, mouse man?”

Carlisle sighed a dramatic and playful sigh before tugging on the end of my hair. “No,” he said simply.

“Not yet,” Esme said, winking at me. I glanced at Carlisle behind us, and he was rolling his eyes.

“If you could have a Carl-isle anywhere in the world, where would it be?” I asked him. Esme released her hold so we could turn around to look at him. He was still bright and shimmery, despite the sunglasses, and I could feel my eyes squinting trying to maintain eye contact.

“Let’s go sit somewhere shady,” he suggested. I had to agree. The whole island was honestly quite bright, compared to our little town. It felt like looking directly at a lightbulb.

Esme held my hand and lead me down a dirt path. My sandals smacked my heels with each step, punctuating our wordless walk. Well, maybe they were talking—I wasn’t. It was all too strange and beautiful. It felt hot and moist in the forest, like the changing room at a public pool without the smell of chlorine. The trees and plants and flowers were things I’d only seen in movies. It felt a little like I was in Jurassic Park. Which ended with a thought that made me tighten my grip on Esme’s hand.

“Are there any snakes or spiders here?” I asked. What a dumb question—there had to be.

“No venomous snakes, anymore.” Carlisle said. “There are a few bugs that could bite you, but nothing worse than an itch.”

I relaxed my grip on Esme. “What happened to the snakes?”

“Emmett took care of them,” Carlisle said. For a second, I imagined Emmett, who I only knew to be the one built like a tank, to have a house filled with snakes before I realized with horror…

“He ate the snakes?” I asked Esme, eyes wide.

“Yes,” she confirmed. “It’s much safer this way. Alice helped balance out the ecosystems.”

“Did he… do they taste good? Comparatively?”

“They didn’t fall in the top ten,” Esme told me, smiling fondly as she remembered something. “He said they have a very distinctive taste.”

At last, we arrived at a gorgeous waterfall, and I realized why Esme had dressed me in a swimsuit and then walked inland. I’d seen waterfalls before in my life—we’d been to national parks for school, and every now and then the cult would indulge its members with a trip to a local hiking destination. But this was gorgeous, and somehow more impressive because I knew no jam-handed toddler was going to waddle up behind me and inquire about snacks.

I looked in the water around the waterfall—it was shallow enough I could see the bottom, at least for about five feet in from the edges. Carlisle took a seat on a rock, letting his feet dip in the water. Carlisle was always so put together, so carefully constructed, that it seemed almost strange to see him churn the water ever so gently with his feet.

“Like what you see? Perhaps it is I who should be covering my ankles.”

I felt a blush rip across my face.

“You look pretty in nature,” I said unthinkingly. “More—”

“More?” he inquired, curious about the ending of my sentence. More human. More like a person. More like a creature, and less like a perfect construct of a doctor and husband. More wild. More bare.

“Relaxed,” I settled on. He slid off his rock and stood almost to his waist in the water to help me get settled on my own rock. My rock, while in the shade, was still warm from the sun. I dipped my feet into the water. It was warmer than a pool, but still a little refreshing. Comfortable.

Esme sat down near me, lowering herself gracefully as if the whole area wasn’t slick.

Once we were settled, Carlisle got out of the water and sat on a rock again, this time picking one slightly closer to me. The waterfall was loud, but I could hear him easily. The white noise of it was actually incredibly soothing. I wondered if he knew it would be.

“I think, perhaps, I should go first,” Carlisle said. Esme gave him a little nod, and I turned slightly to face him more comfortably.

“I’ve told you before I was the son of a pastor, and what he was like…”

Carlisle trailed off, and I remembered what he had said of his father before. Not pleasant. I nodded. “When I awoke, as a vampire, I was terrified, repulsed by what I had become and what my instincts tried to insight me to do. I was able to get away from the city, away from humans, and then I tried to kill myself.”

I covered my open mouth, horrified to belief Carlisle had been in such as state. I glanced at Esme, who was wincing, hurting for her husband as he relived, in part, the way he felt as he told me. “I did not drink, I tried to drown myself, throw myself off of cliffs… Eventually, I was in such a weakened and desperate state that I attacked a herd of deer. It was then that I learned vampires could sustain themselves off of animal blood. It was a revelation that gave me hope that I could, perhaps, create a peaceful existence as the creature I’d become.”

I thought Carlisle might end his story there, but he provided a few more details of his years living with the Volturi. I felt he was skipping over some things, but I knew he knew how creepy I found them. Just their name gave me shivers. He spoke about meeting Esme for the first time, and she couldn’t stop grinning and adding bit and pieces she remembered. Then he spoke about turning Edward, and how hard Edward took it for a little while. And then it was time for Esme’s story, and I turned my body towards hers.

Esme grimaced when I looked over at her. “I’m afraid,” she said, “that my story gets much worse after my encounter with Carlisle as a teenager.”

I offered her my hand to hold, and she took it, holding it up to her lips to kiss my fingertips before returning it to me. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to squeeze you and hurt you on accident.”

“That’s okay,” I said. “Maybe you should squeeze Carlisle.”

Carlisle appeared by her side, and quickly settled Esme in his arms. I felt better knowing she had him, but a little sad I couldn’t be the one to comfort her with my touch.

“As I grew older,” Esme murmured. I had to hang on her words to hear them. “My parents pressured me to marry someone. They thought he was a good man.”

Esme took a slow breath. I pulled up my knees and wrapped my arms around them. There had been a lot of so-called ‘good men’ in the cult. I felt a pit in my stomach as I realized I knew exactly where this was going.

“He hurt me in every way a person can,” Esme said. Her gaze was far away. “I tried to tell my parents, but no one understood. No one would help.”

The sound of the waterfall rumbled in my ears. “Divorce wasn’t an option. When I fell pregnant, I knew I had to leave to give my child a chance to live away from his father. I planned, and I ran away. It was not an easy thing to do, at the time.” She paused for a long time, reliving details she didn’t want to share with me. Or had decided to protect me from, for the time being.

Esme’s words were so quiet, I was almost certain I was reading her lips. “I had a sweet boy. He was with me two days, before he passed. I couldn’t take it after that. He was my only good thing, and I thought maybe I could be with him, if I killed myself. I reasoned that God would forgive me that one sin.”

My throat burned, and I desperately tried to repress the sobs. Esme’s form blurred over and over as I wiped away the tears quickly.

“I found Esme, in the morgue,” Carlisle said, after his wife had been silent for a few minutes. Esme turned her face into his shoulder, and Carlisle rubbed a hand up and down her back. “Her heartbeat was faint, but it was there. I couldn’t leave her there.”

Carlisle reached out a free hand for me to hold as Esme cried. I wiped my tears and he squeezed my hand.

Through sobs, Esme let out a little laugh. She turned back to me, sad eyes and a little smile. “I think Carlisle thought I was crazy when I woke up. I thought I was in heaven, and he was an angel.”

Carlisle pressed a kiss to her forehead, and Esme sighed. “He was lovely, of course, if not a bit skittish. He was so careful about not making me uncomfortable or being untoward.”

“That sounds like Carlisle,” I murmured. “No ankle jokes, I bet.”

A laugh bubbled through her sobs and she hugged Carlisle close to her. He hugged her tightly, murmuring something in her ear I couldn’t hear. I sniffed and wiped my own tears.

After a few minutes, Carlisle loosened his grip, and Esme slipped off his lap and into the water. It came up past her waist, and she walked over slowly to me to pull me into the water. I let her, my arms going around her neck and my legs wrapping around her waist.

“I love you,” I whispered. She kissed my cheek and gave me a squeeze.

“I love you, too.”

Esme’s arm went under my rear to stabilize me, and her free hand wiped the tears from my face. “I’m sorry I made you cry, duckling.”

“No apologies, honeybee,” I told her. My voice was a bit hoarse, betraying how I truly felt. I waved around an arm behind me until Carlisle took my hand. I pulled, knowing full well I wasn’t strong enough to actually pull him off the rock, but he got the message, slipping into the water behind Esme and I and wrapping his arms around the both of us.

In the group hug of arms and cheek kisses, I forgot who was comforting who. I did feel some sort of relief that I knew my fiancés’ life and death stories, but I dreaded what hung in the air.

“Duckling,” Carlisle murmured. I shook my head and buried my face into Esme’s neck.

“Sweetheart, I think it’s time,” Esme murmured. I curled my toes, my chest growing tight.

“It doesn’t need to be every detail today,” Esme assured. I shook my head no. Don’t make me do this. I’m not ready.

Carlisle moved away from my back, and then a moment later his hand lifted me from Esme’s arms and sat me on a rock. He and Esme stood in the water in front of me, waiting.

I sucked in a breath and crossed my arms, avoiding the gaze of my vampire lovers. My story wasn’t as bad as either of theirs, and yet I was certain I was going to cry snot all over my face, like a snotty clay mask.

“You’ve told us already about when you turned eighteen and moved away,” Carlisle prompted. “When you were in high school, your parents joined the cult.”

“Yeah, I was fourteen, Mara was eleven,” I whispered. Thinking back to that time, every part of my childhood was connected to my sister. I had loved her so much.

“Before that?” Carlisle prompted.

“Pretty normal. We weren’t rich or anything. Went to church on Easter and Christmas.”

“And then?”

Esme pulled at my crossed arms until she got a hand free to hold. “And then they joined the cult. It was all so fast, just a few months, and then our whole lives were different. There were people around, all the time, any they were so horrible to my mom. She was doing her best, but she didn’t know the Bible like they wanted her too. They were more patient with my dad… The kids my age were shitty and judgemental. I couldn’t talk to them about anything without an ‘elder’ bringing it up and shaming me about it later. They made it pretty clear who I was going to be with, and if I wasn’t putting in enough effort to be a good cult girl, there was going to be Hell to pay.”

Images of my head behind dunked into the water made me yank my hand away from Esme and scramble back from the water.

“Deirdre?” she said, holding onto Carlisle who also seemed surprised by my reaction.

“Can we go back now?” I asked, retreating to the path. They exchanged a look, and then both got out of the water. Esme walked right over to me, pulling me into a hug. Her body was wet and chilly enough to make me shiver.

“You’re safe now,” she reminded me. I hugged her back, letting her words soak in. I relaxed against her, and she easily compensated. I was safe. Carlisle was literally bulletproof, and Alice would see if anything was going to happen. Carlisle and Esme had proposed, and I was going to marry them, and maybe even have a child.

In the back of my mind, however, I couldn’t let the pill bottle go. I knew that when I had a moment alone with my phone, I’d need to learn the truth for myself.

Chapter Text

Chapter 20: Amendment

Paroxetine is used to treat depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), social anxiety disorder (also known as social phobia), premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

I scrolled down and clicked What side effects can this medication cause?

Headache.

Dizziness.

Weakness.

Difficulty concentrating.

Nervousness.

Forgetfulness.

Confusion.

Sleepiness.

The pattern of the bathroom tiles swirled together. I shakily got up from my seat by the tub, stumbling over to the vanity before deciding on one last search. How to destroy pills

I scrolled through information on returning to a pharmacy until I reached something I could use.

Flushing medicines: Because some medicines could be especially harmful to others, they have specific directions to immediately flush them down the sink or toilet when they are no longer needed, and a take-back option is not readily available.

Carlisle and Esme had left minutes ago, and I knew they shouldn’t be back so quickly, but that didn’t stop me from creeping into the kitchen and pulling down the vitamins basket. It was dark in the living room—it was night time, and the glow of the moon lit up the room just enough. I went to grab just the Paroxetine, and then decided it would be best to do away with all of it. Just in case.

I raced back to the bathroom with the basket, locking the door. Not that a lock would do much if they came back and found out what I was doing. I dumped the Paroxetine in the toilet and flushed, then emptied the others and did the same.

I threw the bottles in the trash and tucked the basket under the vanity. It was done, now. The only thing to worry about was their reaction. It was very likely they’d take my phone. A thought flitted through my mind about messaging Lucy. No, we were well past the point of that now.

My phone was fully charged. I deleted my search history and turned off my phone. Robotically, I forced myself to leave the bathroom and crawl back into bed, where Carlisle and Esme would expect me to be.

I let a few tears slip, even as I tried to keep my breathing even. I felt bad about judging my parents for joining a cult—and here I was, supposedly successful in leaving, and willingly drinking another brand of Kool Aid. I guess gullible ran in the family.

I wanted to close my eyes, but I was too scared. I knew Carlisle would be upset, but I wasn’t exactly sure how that would manifest into actions. Would he go off to the mainland to get replacement pills? Did he have extra pills in his luggage, in case this happened? That thought made me shiver. Would he be disappointed, or worried, or angry? I’d never seen him fully angry, but I remembered a flash of something in his eyes at the hospital after my concussion.

A silly, hopeful part of me wanted to believe that their intentions had been right. That was easier to reckon with, emotionally. A more pragmatic, keep-Deirdre-alive part of me, was airing a variety of worse-case scenarios. Maybe I was a plaything. Maybe I was a surrogate. Maybe they did want me around, but they were completely different from the way they presented themselves. That was the worst one to think about.

Before long, I was sad and tired. Maybe I could blame some of that on the Paroxetine.

“Deirdre?”

I blinked awake. Carlisle’s worried eyes scanned my sleepy ones.

“Tell me where you are,” he said, softly and seriously.

“In bed.”

“Where?”

“On Esme’s island. Isle Esme.”

“Good,” he said, brushing my hair out of my face. “What did you do with your pills?”

That certainly woke me up. Fuck. “I flushed them down the toilet.” I admitted. Carlisle took a slow breath in, closed his eyes, and exhaled. I could see, behind him, Esme standing in the doorway.

“Why would you do that?” he asked.

“Why would you give me a drug without telling me?” I countered.

“You wouldn’t have agreed to it,” Carlisle said. “It has been helpful for your OCD and your anxiety.”

“What about my PTSD?” I joked bitterly, rubbing my eyes. “And panic disorder? Do I have social anxiety, too?”

Carlisle didn’t say anything, which was honestly worse because I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. At least he seemed to be his rational self.

“It’s typically not recommended to stop an SSRI abruptly.”

“Good thing I don’t know what an SSRI is.”

His hand moved, and I flinched. He tilted his head as he studied me, frowning. “I wouldn’t hit you, Deirdre.”

“You have before.”

He stood up, turning to look at Esme. She moved over to Carlisle, joining him in standing over me.

“Sweetheart, we thought you knew those spankings weren’t hits.”

“It doesn’t feel like that, anymore.” I said quietly, sinking into the mattress. Esme looked upset, but my whole body was tense, expecting perhaps a change of expression, a dropping of a façade.

“You could have told us,” Esme said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Her hand rested on top of the blanket, over my foot. I moved my foot away.

Carlisle sat down on the edge of the bed, and we sat in silence. At least, if they were talking, they were doing it too quietly for me to hear. I wondered if they did that a lot.

“Why don’t you get dressed, and we’ll go watch the sunrise?” Carlisle suggested. This had been the original morning plan.

“No thank you,” I declined, pulling the covers up to my chin. Technically speaking, things were going well. Impulsively, I pulled off my ring under the sheets and set it by him.

“Deirdre, please.”

“I think you should hold onto it for now,” I said, instead of something ruder.

“Esme and I are trying to take care of you,” he said, not touching the ring.

“I can take care of myself,” I said. “I did before I met you.”

Esme turned her head away from me, and I could see her body shaking.

“Surviving and living are two separate things,” Carlisle said. He picked up the ring and set it down on the nightstand.

“You can’t convince me that drugging me without my knowledge was a good idea, I’m sorry. And don’t start on some health and safety bullshit. I won’t believe that anymore.”

Carlisle was quiet for a few more minutes. He looked over at Esme’s trembling form. “I can see you need some space,” he said after a few minutes. “Esme and I won’t be far.”

I wasn’t sure if I should interpret that as a threat, or as reassurance. Carlisle stood up, held a hand out for Esme, and took her out of the room. Once they had left, I could hear her begin to sob.

I never really got back to sleep, but I laid around in bed until I couldn’t ignore the rumble in my tummy. I dug through my suitcase, suddenly resentful of the clothes inside. They weren’t mine, and they weren’t bought for me. They were bought for Carlisle and Esme, and I was their little dress up doll. The frumpy nightgowns Alice had gleefully bought stirred a quiet rage inside me. Out of options, I pulled on some shorts and stole one of Carlisle’s V-neck t-shirts.

In the main living area, Carlisle was writing in a notebook while Esme held a novel on her lap. Her eyes met mine immediately, and for a moment I felt guilty for upsetting her.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Morning,” I echoed. I walked into the kitchen, and I was aware that she got up from the couch and was floating anxiously nearby.

“Can I make you something?” she asked.

“I’m okay, thank you.”

“You’re hungry, though, Deirdre. You should eat.”

I looked over at her. “I’m going to eat. But I can cook for myself.”

She frowned, standing by the counter on one end of the kitchen as I began to make myself a sandwich. It was stupid, but it actually took me a long time. God, I was rusty.

Esme made an anxious noise as I began to cut an orange.

“Deirdre,” Carlisle called from the couch, a warning in his tone.

“I’m just cutting up an orange. I’m twenty-three, I know how to cut an orange without losing a finger.”

Esme’s hands balled into fists as she watched me finish making my food. When the knives were away, her posture relaxed.

“I didn’t know you thought so little of me,” I told her, shoving the sandwich into my mouth.

“I don’t, Deirdre,” Esme replied. “But there’s no need for you to cut things; it’s dangerous.”

“It’s just fruit, Es,” I told her, “I’m not taking up whittling.”

She didn’t enjoy my joke. She watched me eat my sandwich, and then the orange slices. Before I could stop her, she snatched my empty plate and walked over to the sink to wash it.

Carlisle watched wordlessly from the couch. Esme made quick work of the plate, turning to me with a forced smile.

“I brought up some puzzles from the basement. I thought we could work on one this afternoon.”

“I was thinking of going for a walk,” I said, knowing full well Esme didn’t do puzzles. It would take her less than a minute to put together 1000 pieces. I wondered if they were for Nessie, or Jacob, or Bella when she had been human.

“Oh, that’s perfect! There are some sights we haven’t gotten to show you, yet,” Esme said, relief coating her words.

“I planned on going alone,” I said, trying not cringe as I burst her bubble. Who had betrayed whom again?

“I’m not comfortable with that,” Esme said. Her voice wasn’t as confident as usual, but the words surprised me.

I blinked at her. “What?”

“I’m not comfortable with you going alone. I will go with you.”

“I thought there were no venomous snakes.”

“There are other creatures that could harm you. A few places are inherently dangerous, as well, for a human by herself.”

“Fine. I’ll just stay by the hammock on the beach.”

“Alright.”

“By myself.”

Esme crossed her arms. “I really don’t think…”

“You can watch me from in here,” I pointed out. I walked around the other side of the kitchen, then slipped on my sandals.

“Sunscreen first,” Esme said.

“I’ll be fine.”

“No, you’ll burn,” Esme argued, following me off the porch with a bottle of sunscreen.

“I’m an adult, Esme!” I shouted at her. “If I burn, so be it! It’s not a big deal!”

Her shoulders sagged. “Deirdre, honey…”

I stomped off, and I was glad she didn’t follow me. What I really wanted to do was curse up a storm, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not in earshot.

If I burn, so be it. Famous last words. In my defence, I didn’t know you could burn in the shade.

In the early evening, I padded my way back up to the house. My skin felt like it was being stretched in an embroidery hoop, and my clothes felt like sandpaper on my skin. I opened the door, keeping my eyes down as I slipped off my shoes and rubbed the sand off on the mat.

“If you’re having a shower,” Carlisle said, “Please sit in the tub. I don’t want you to get dizzy and hit your head.”

“Fine,” I said, begrudgingly. I was happy I would be alone in the bathroom.

The cold water felt amazing on my face and neck and shoulders. Against the white tile, my skin looked even more red than it had outside. I sat in the stream of water for a long time, considering Esme and Carlisle. I wondered if they were plotting what to do next, or if they were sincerely letting me process what they’d done. I thought about the chances I had of leaving, and remembered Carlisle’s Italian ‘friends’. So there wouldn’t be any leaving. Not really. That left me with a few possible scenarios:

Carlisle and Esme kill me (unlikely, based on previous behaviour).

Carlisle and Esme keep me, marry me, and we have a baby. They turn me into a vampire and we live happily ever after and I get to be an equal member of the team (slightly unlikely, at least the last part).

Carlisle and Esme keep me, marry me, and we have a baby. They turn me into a vampire and we live happily ever after. They still boss me around a little (most likely scenario, based on previous behaviour).

Carlisle and Esme keep me, marry me, and I stay human and live out my life with them. I didn’t like this scenario. This one seemed fairly likely as well.

Carlisle and Esme keep me, marry me, and turn me into a vampire. As a vampire, I leave them. I didn’t like this either. Where would I go? What would I do for all eternity, without them?

I got out of the shower, wincing as I patted myself dry. Looking in the mirror, I looked like a clown. No wonder Carlisle and Esme did whatever they thought was best—it was obvious I was a huge idiot.

I sniffled as I brushed my hair, salty tears streaming down my sore, red face.

There was a soft knock at the door. “Deirdre?” Esme murmured. “I’ve got aloe gel for you, honey.”

I opened the door, and she handed me the bottle. Then we stared at each other for a long minute.

“I think this is how sundried tomatoes feel,” I whispered. She cracked a smile, I laughed, and then I began to sob.

She wrapped her cold arms around me. I cried and cried and held onto her tightly, as if that would make a difference. She didn’t pull away, one hand petting my wet hair. I really think she must’ve held on to me for at least twenty minutes before she helped me into some pyjamas and brought me out into the bedroom. I sat on the end of the bed, sniffling as she rubbed the aloe gel into my limbs.

“I don’t understand why you two would do that to me when I trusted you,” I told her. She had started applying the gel to my face, careful around my eyes.

“You were so afraid at the time, Deirdre. You couldn’t sleep through the night,” Esme said. “We planned on telling you, when you were doing better.”

“Wasn’t I doing better?” I asked her.

“You were,” she said. “But you were going to be anxious enough meeting everyone. We didn’t want to pile onto that, to risk you going off your medication right when you needed it the most.”

My eyes closed as she worked on my neck and shoulders. I could feel that Carlisle was close, even though I hadn’t heard him enter. I blinked, and I could see him standing to the side of Esme, a glass of clear liquid and a blue and white bottle of Advil in his hands.

“Is this water?” I asked him wearily.

“Of course.”

“You like to put things in my drinks,” I reminded him.

“It’s just water, Deirdre.”

I accepted the glass, taking a sup before resting it on my knee. I wish I hadn’t been such a stubborn idiot. The sunburn was really kicking my ass and making me look like a child.

“Would you like some help?” Carlisle asked.

“Yes, please,” I admitted. He picked up the glass and held it to my lips. Esme walked off, and I heard the sink turn on before she reappeared.

“I would suggest some Advil. For the pain and swelling.”

“How many?”

“Two.”

“Alright.”

He twisted open the container and handed me two. I looked them over, then tossed them in my mouth and drank the rest of the water.

“I take it you’ve never been to a tropical climate.”

“Nope.”

He ran a hand over my damp hair. “Well, that’s a hard lesson to learn.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a clown and my skin’s on fire.”

“You will heal quickly. Tomorrow it’ll be rainy, and the day after it will be cloudy.”

I found myself leaning against his hand that was still resting on my hair. “Are you mad at me?”

“No. Of course, I wish you would have talked to me, but I am neither surprised nor angry with you.”

I looked at him, searching his eyes just to make sure. They were 100% sweet and regular Carlisle.

“I was really scared.”

“I know you were, duckling. I’m sorry I kept this from you.”

Not, I’m sorry I drugged you. Just, I’m sorry it was a secret.

I chewed on my nails until he pulled my hand out away from my mouth. “Sometimes I feel like you and Esme treat me like a baby, because I’m human.”

Carlisle hummed thoughtfully. “Well, I can see why you feel that way.”

“If you stop nagging me, I promise I’ll try to listen more.”

“I can agree to that.”

“I would like to include most of the health and safety concerns into the nagging bit.”

Carlisle sighed. “Let me think on that.”

Esme reappeared, hands clean. She crawled onto the bed and offered her arms to me. I curled up carefully against her, and Carlisle sat beside us.

“Anything else you’d like to fess up to, since you’re agreeing to treat me like an adult?”

Carlisle pet my hair, and I let my eyes close.

“There is going to be a global pandemic within a few months.”

My eyes popped open. Esme’s expression was guilty, and when I craned my head to look at Carlisle, he had his lips pursed.

“A pandemic? Like the plague?”

“The plague is a specific illness,” Carlisle clarified. “A pandemic is, by nature, is a widespread occurrence of a disease in a region such as a country. It will be called Corona virus, or Covid-19. Nineteen, for our current calendar year, although most countries will consider the pandemic to start in 2020.”

I was speechless. Esme loosened her grip so I could sit and look more easily between the two of them. “But, there has to be something…”

Carlisle shook his head. “Alice and I coordinated some donations strategically, to advance the development of a vaccine, but there is nothing that can be done to stop it.”

I swallowed hard. “Will it be just like the swine flu?”

“Closer to the Spanish Influenza.” Carlisle replied gently.

“Oh my god,” I whispered, covering my mouth. “What about Lucy? Did you ask Alice if she’ll… if she’ll be alright?”

“That’s not the sort of thing Alice would be able to see this far out, Deirdre. There are so many variable in keeping someone healthy.”

Carlisle didn’t say anything as I thought. He just held my hand, and Esme stroked my hair. “How long?”

“It depends. Things will be very different for a couple years. Eventually, people will tire and declare the pandemic to be over, whether or not that’s true.”

“A couple years,” I whispered.

“Yes. Alice is fairly certain of that, now. It is already in the news, and it will be more so in January and February, and by March things will begin to shut down.”

“You’ll be quite busy.”

“Yes. Although the hospital I will be at will be smaller.”

“You’re moving hospitals?”

“We’re all moving, Deirdre. Where we are now, I wouldn’t be able to help with the procedures they will put in place.”

“Where are we moving?”

“Alaska.”

I looked over at Esme. “You packed everything up before we left.”

“I’m sorry. I wanted things to be normal for you, for as long as possible.”

I looked over at Carlisle. “You won’t get sick from it, right?”

“No. Vampires don’t get sick.”

I nodded and leaned back against Esme. “This is going to suck. Wow. I’m glad you told me but…”

“We know.”

We were quiet for a few minutes before Carlisle got up to get some more water for me. He held it up to my lips, letting me take a few sips until I wouldn’t drink anymore, and then he set it aside. He took my ring from the nightstand and slipped it onto my finger.

“Please don’t say anything to Nessie. Edward and Bella haven’t told her yet.”

“Okay. Does Jacob…?”

“Yes.”

I nodded, my eyes starting to close. Maybe I’d close them for a little while, and then we could keep talking.

Chapter Text

Chapter 21

“What if I hemmed it to a reasonable knee-length?”

I watched Jasper fight a smile as Alice pleaded with me.

“You can do whatever you want, Alice, but I won’t wear it.”

Alice groaned and stomped off to the main bedroom.

“We need to have an intervention, Deirdre!” she called from the bedroom. “You’ve been wearing Carlisle’s shirts! What about all this cute stuff I packed you? And I suppose you haven’t even deigned to touch the bikini we bought specifically for Esme!”

“A bikini for me?” Esme asked.

“A bikini for me to wear for you,” I clarified for her.  Her mouth made a little ‘o’.

“Alice,” she called to her daughter. “We haven’t even been swimming, really.”

We haven’t been swimming at all, given that I can’t swim. Not that I dared to bring it up at the moment—I was sure Alice would enforce swimming lessons, and therefore would have an excuse to make me wear the bikini.

Alice tsked, walking out with her arms crossed over her chest and a frown so cartoonish I nearly laughed.

“I knew you weren’t wearing everything we bought you, but I had no idea it was this bad. I would’ve brought you more clothes.”

“I think you mean even more,” I corrected, blowing on my wet nails like it would sincerely speed up the process. Ever since Jasper and Alice had arrived, Jazzy boy had been slipping me a steady stream of the good brain chemicals. It didn’t even faze me when Alice cracked open a suitcase full of more clothes just for me.

Alice huffed, her hands on her hips. “We’ll just have to wash your good clothes a few times.”

“That’s generally how clothes work, I believe.”

Jasper cracked a smile, meeting my gaze.

“Jasper Hale, you’d better stop enjoying this!” Alice wailed, flopping onto the couch like a depressed toddler.

“Yes ma’am,” Jasper said, pursing his lips and avoiding eye contact with his mate.

“Alice, really,” Esme chided, chopping up the onions and peppers I wanted to use for dinner in under thirty seconds before setting the vegetables aside.

“Thanks, honey,” I murmured as she finished with the veggies. Esme zipped over to me and leaned down to kiss the top of my head.

“When Rosalie comes tomorrow, you’ll see,” Alice threatened, still slumped on the couch. “You’ll want to look nice, then.”

“Why, because she’s pretty?” I asked. I’d seen Rosalie in a few family albums. Pretty was… not the right word. Stunning, gorgeous, breathtaking…

Alice chuckled darkly. “Yes.”

“Alice,” Esme warned. Alice huffed.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have to see the future to know that Alice was right. Carlisle and Esme were inhumanely beautiful, and at the beginning there had been little I could do to evade their charms. I hadn’t had the time to be intimidated much by them, since they spent most of the time flirting up as storm. But they were infatuated with me, and these days they spent most of their time doting on me and acting like I was the beautiful one. Alice and Jasper, I hadn’t had time to worry about winning over—Alice had been overbearingly friendly and Jasper… well, Jasper could cheat. I think, too, he liked me because his wife did. I was a little hobby for her. For everyone else, though, I’d just be their parents’ ugly, fragile baby of a girlfriend. Well, fiancée. But still. I twisted my ring. Would they think I was some sort of gold digger? No, that was silly. I took pills from Carlisle for months without double checking what they were: I was clearly not some sort of mastermind seductress.

“Relax, Deirdre,” Jasper said, taking one of Carlisle’s bishops.

“She can’t, she flushed her tranquilizers down the toilet,” Alice grumbled.

“Alice,” Carlisle warned.

“It’s true!” Alice said.

“She’s right,” I agreed with her. “But maybe we could not announce that to everyone when I meet them for the first time?”

Alice sat up, looking sheepish. “Well, I already told Bella. And she tells Edward everything, so he definitely knows, too. But they’re not very gossip-y,”

Eyes wide, I looked over at Esme.

“Everything will be alright, Deirdre,” she promised, moving to sit beside me and stroke my hair. She kissed my cheek. “Why don’t I cook dinner, and you can just relax?”

“I’ll cook,” I murmured, “when my nails are dry.” I wiggled my fingers for effect.

“My love, why don’t you let Esme cook? You can give her instructions.” Carlisle suggested, taking one of Jasper’s rooks. I looked at Esme and she nodded at me, hoping I would agree.

“Alright,” I conceded. Esme grinned, and I followed her to the kitchen. Esme lifted me up and sat me down on the counter a few feet away from the cook top. Alice trailed in after us, standing still and watching Esme begin to move around the kitchen. Esme paused and waited for my instructions, even though we both knew that she knew exactly how to cook the stir fry.

“Your burn’s looking better,” Esme said, her palms ghosting over my shoulders and down my arms.

“You’ll just need to tan your shoulders a little, even things out,” Alice said.

“No, you don’t need to tan,” Esme told me.

“Tanning is not healthy,” Carlisle called.

“No matter,” Alice said, waving off their concerns. “The romper I brought you has short sleeves, so no one will see your Farmer’s tan until after their first impressions are formed.”

“Alice!” Esme complained.

“She’s a big girl,” Alice whined. “You can take a little razzing, can’t you, Deirdre?”

“You need to stir that,” I told Esme weakly. Esme threw Alice a withering look, and Alice stuck her tongue out at me.

The stir fry was good, even though Esme was a little stingy with the soy sauce. While I ate, Esme wrote out a Pinterest-worthy menu on a piece of paper, complete with calligraphy titles and a list of snack suggestions. She attached it to the fridge with magnets, and then spent a minute cleaning up the dishes.

“Well,” Alice said, pushing towels into Jasper’s arms. “Jazz and I are going to go diving. We’ll see you in a few hours.”

“Have fun,” I said.

“Watch out for the reefs,” Carlisle said, looking up from his medical journal.

“Which way are you going?” Esme asked.

“We’re going to the east side of the island. A few miles out.” Jasper said.

“Have a nice time,” Esme said. They disappeared.

After a minute, I looked over at Esme. “Why did they take towels? It’s pouring out.”

Carlisle let out a soft huff of a laugh.

“Just in case their clothing gets ripped.” Esme said.

“Ripped? From swimming?”

Did people… rip their clothes swimming? It had never seemed that violent on TV. Then again, most people swam in stretchy fabric. Was it a vampire thing?

Carlisle’s butterscotch eyes were warm. “They’re going to have sex, Deirdre.”

“Oh!” My mind reeled, trying to figure that out. “Is that… a main feature of the island?”

“You have to keep in mind, duckling, that swimming for vampires is not like it is for humans. The way we hear underwater is much more calming, less distracting. We don’t have to breathe, anyway. It’s just a different experience, that’s all.”

“So, I take it you two have… gone diving before?”

Carlisle laughed. “Yes, we have, Deirdre.”

“We’ll take you diving some day, sweetheart,” Esme said, winking before wrapping her arms around my waist. We rocked back and forth for a while, a slow dance with no music.

“It must be nice to go actual diving, and not worry about running out of air,” I mused.

“It is,” Esme murmured. “We’ve been to Australia before—my, it was beautiful. The reefs here are gorgeous as well, of course, and it’s much easier to have some privacy around here.”

“It must be nice for you, to have a place you don’t have to pretend in,” I said.

“It is,” Esme murmured. “We’re good at finding that for ourselves, aren’t we, Carlisle?”

I looked over at Carlisle to find his attention full on us, medical journal aside.

“We are,” he said. “I’m afraid it will be all the much easier soon enough.”

The remind of the impending pandemic made me shiver. Just then, thunder shook the building and I jumped, pressing myself into Esme for protection. She chuckled at me, pulling me closer before kissing my temple.

“What happens to a vampire if they get struck by lightning?” I asked.

“A few cracks,” Carlisle answered. “Just ask Emmett.”

I snorted. “Of course, Emmett would be the one to be struck by lightning.”

“He got hit on purpose. Rosalie almost tore him limb from limb for it,” Carlisle said, standing up and moving over to join our embrace. “Jasper and Edward made a bet with him about whether he could get hit by lightning or not. They ended up financing another honeymoon for Emmett and Rosalie.”

I didn’t like the ‘tore limb from limb’ description. It reminded me of the Volturi. But the conversation continued on.

“Speaking of honeymoons,” Esme said. “If there’s somewhere you’d like to go, we might need to travel in January. Before things get shut down.”

I blinked at her. “How would that work? Aren’t honeymoons for…diving?”

“Yes,” Esme laughed, her eyes glowing in a way that made me want to hide and/or rip off my clothes. “But it’s also a time to have a new experience together, to connect…”

“And we won’t be able to go much of anywhere for a while,” Carlisle added softly.

“That’s okay,” I said. “Alaska will be new enough for me.”

Esme tilted her head. “There isn’t anywhere you’d like to go?”

“No,” I said, pushing myself closer to Carlisle. At least then, only one of them could be staring at my face. My mind was reeling—was there anywhere I wanted to go? It felt like an impossible task, to request a vacation somewhere, even if they were unfathomably wealthy. When I was younger, I’d wanted to see the world, in a way that you always do when you’re young. Everyone has that phase as a kid, right? But I didn’t know anything about anywhere, really. I wracked my brain for places from my history classes. Greece? Egypt? England? Surely, Carlisle would be bored of England.

Esme caressed my cheek. “I see ideas in your eyes.”

I pursed my lips, my face heating up. Esme’s eyes sparkled and she grinned, pulling me from the safety Carlisle’s embrace. “Tell me,” she implored. Face red, I shook my head.

“Duckling,” Esme groaned. “Will I have to torture it out of you?” her fingers jabbed into my waist and I squeaked, shrinking away. Her fingers went to my neck next and I scrambled to grab onto Carlisle to help me escape from her tickling. Esme picked me up in her arms and spun me around a few times until I was out of breath from laughing and clinging onto her neck. She waited for me to catch my breath before continuing. “Or shall I wait until Edward get here tomorrow, and ask him what you think?”

I froze, and Esme quickly backtracked. She set me down on the couch and then sat with me. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to scare you. I won’t ask Edward, okay? I promise.”

“Take a breath in, Deirdre,” Carlisle said from behind me. I took in a shaky breath, not realizing I had been holding my breath.

“Don’t do that, please,” I asked her, tears stinging my eyes.

“I won’t! I’m sorry, sweetheart, I forget how intrusive mindreading must seem. We’re so used to it…”

Carlisle’s hand heavily ran down my back. “Slow, deep breaths,” he reminded me. I guess he decided I wasn’t listening well enough, because he wrapped his arms around mine and pulled me back against him. His cheek rested against mine, and he breathed in slowly through his nose, held it, and then breathed out of his mouth.

I willed myself to follow along, and soon my head was drooping forward.

“I’ve never thought of going somewhere,” I murmured. “I’m scared of what’s going to happen. I don’t want us to get trapped somewhere.”

Esme pulled at my hands, and Carlisle shifted his arms to let her pull mine out. She held both of my hands, running her thumb over the back of my hands. “That’s alright, Deirdre. All you’ve got to do is say so.”

I swallowed. “I didn’t want you to think I’m silly for being scared. And I don’t have a place in mind, and I didn’t want to sound greedy, either.”

Carlisle rubbed my back. “We’d never think you were greedy, Deirdre. Can you tell me why you don’t want us to think you’re silly or scared?”

I wanted to cross my arms, but Esme wouldn’t let go of my hands. I tried to wait him out, which was truly a stupid idea. After a few minutes, Carlisle got up and got me a mug of water. I drank half of it, finally starting to relax a little bit before he looked at me expectantly. I shrank against Esme, who wrapped an arm lightly around my waist and kissed my temple.

“Little one, you can’t just hide every time one of us asks you a question,” she murmured.

Aw, no fair.

“It’s alright to be scared of going new places,” Carlisle said gently. “I don’t imagine you’ve travelled much.”

“No.”

“And most new places you’ve gone to by force—either because your parents decided on it, or because you were fleeing.”

“Mhm.”

“And I know you were apprehensive about coming here, taking a plane for the first time… but aren’t you enjoying yourself?” Carlisle’s concerned face transitioned into a wry smile. “Other than the sunburn?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Hush. Yes, other than the sunburn.”

“This is what travelling is like. You get to see and experience new things.”

I leaned back against Esme. No one said anything for a little while.

I swallowed. “I… well, maybe you could pick where we go.”

Carlisle scanned me. “Would that make you feel better? If Esme and I took control of it?”

Not my favourite phrasing. “Yes.”

“Alright. We can do that.”

“Okay. But we still don’t have to—”

Esme jabbed my side and I shrieked, trying to escape the hand that tickled me.

“I believe this is known as negative reinforcement,” Esme teased me. “We want to take you on a trip.”

“Another trip.” I pointed out.

“This one doesn’t count—it’s a family vacation.”

“Right,” I conceded, even though I didn’t quite agree. “Speaking of,” I said, absolutely desperate to change the subject, “When is everyone arriving tomorrow?”

“Edward, Bella, Nessie and Jacob are supposed to arrive early afternoon,” Carlisle said. “Rosalie and Emmett’s flight will get in a bit later, but they should be here in the early evening.”

“Okay,” I said, mentally steeling myself. “What kinds of things do you all do together? Other than truth or dare?”

Carlisle winced. I really should try to pull some of those stories out of Alice tomorrow. “Hide and seek is quite common, although you can’t really participate in that one, and Alice and Edward tend to cheat. Capture the flag poses the same problem, I’m afraid.

“Yes,” Esme said quickly. “You’re banned from that one, for now.”

“Last game, Bella ripped Emmett’s arms off so he couldn’t catch her,” Carlisle explained.

“Ripped them off?” I asked, eyes wide.

“Yes,” Carlisle said with a nervous laugh. “They fit back on, though. He’s perfectly fine.”

I shuddered. “I can always do a jigsaw puzzle or something, in here, while you guys go play.”

“That’s very sweet of you,” Esme said. “Perhaps one evening, once you’ve gone to bed…”

“We like to go swimming, too,” Carlisle said.

I grimaced. “Okay, s-so, about that…”

“You don’t like to swim?” Esme asked.

“I don’t know how,” I said softly. Ugh, it sounded even more pathetic out loud.

“Oh Deirdre, I never even thought,” Esme said, giving me a squeeze. “No wonder you haven’t want to go out in the water.”

“Don’t tell Alice!” I said quickly. “She’ll make me wear that bikini.”

Carlisle snorted and placed a hand on my knee. “Deirdre, my love, you’re an adult. No one can make you do anything you don’t want to.”

Now that hardly seemed accurate, but this wasn’t the moment to discuss it.

“I… maybe…” I trailed off. God, I hated asking for things.

“Mhm?” Esme prompted.

“Maybe you could show me how to swim, a little bit?”

Carlisle sat up, eyes wide and excited. “Of course! We can go practise in the morning, by the waterfall.”

My shoulders sagged. “Okay. That would be great.”

Carlisle took one of my hands, bringing the palm up to his lips. “I’m glad you told us,” he said. “Has that been bothering you?”

“A little bit,” I admitted.

“That’s only natural. I apologize for the assumptions I made to put you in such a position.”

“It’s alright,” I said, accepting his apology easily. It felt nice to have everyone relaxed again. I hoped we could go back to the way things were before we came… back to being calm and trusting.

Maybe I did need that medication after all.

Carlisle waited patiently a few feet away as I stood by the rocks, one arm clutching Esme’s leg and the other hand gripping the narrow part of a rock. Esme dipped her hand in the water and tried to smooth back my hair.

“This was a bad idea,” I rambled.

“It’s alright, duckling. You’re very safe,” Esme promised. “We don’t even need to blink. Nothing is going to happen to you—you are very supervised.”

The irony of my nickname was not lost on me. But really, ducks floated more than they swam, right?

“The water’s shallow enough for you to stand out here, Deirdre,” Carlisle reminded me. Of course it was—it barely came past his waist where he was standing. But he had said the first step was for me to go underwater—head included—and I was chickening out hard.

Esme swung her free leg lightly in the water. She was in a swimsuit, too, but she had sat on the rocks and was going to be the lifeguard. Too many cooks in the kitchen, she had said. I think they made some sort of plan to get me to trust Carlisle again, and so had put him in charge of the lesson.

Esme leaned down and cupped her hand, collecting some water before pouring it over me. “There, see? It won’t be so bad, honey. Your head gets wet all the time, in the shower—”

“That’s different,” I mumbled.

“In the bath,” she continued, using that gentle voice she used when I was almost asleep, or when I was afraid. I shook my head, letting go of the rock so I could hold onto her with two arms. “You could start with just dipping in your face,” she said. “Lots of people do an exercise where they blow bubbles—”

I let out a panicked scream, and before I realized what was going on, Carlisle had pulled me off of Esme and lifted me out of the water and onto her lap. He got out next, wrapping me up in a towel before pulling me into his arms and walking a few steps away from the water.

“Let’s take a break,” he said. Esme seemed confused, but she got up and followed him back to the house. Alice and Jasper had decided to go ‘diving’ again, and the house remained empty.

Carlisle set me on the couch and brought me a cup of water.

“I’m sorry,” I whimpered, hot tears streaming down my face. I sniffed, and Carlisle wiped my nose with the towel.

“It’s alright,” he assured me. “But you seem a little more than just nervous, sweetheart. Has something bad happened to you by the water?”

My chest was tight. I didn’t want to say—on some level, I was ashamed. Surely there would’ve been some way for me to stop it as a teenager. I could’ve run away, or reported it.

I was waiting for Carlisle to sigh and move on, or for Esme to suggest another non-swimming activity we could do to fill the morning. Esme leaned against my back, lazily kissing my shoulder, and Carlisle held one of my hands. Both of them were quiet. Carlisle leaned against the back of the couch, staring off at the coffee table. When I started examining him, his eyes flicked back to me, and they crinkled as he smiled.

“So?” he asked.

“Um,” I whispered. I tried to form the sentence in my head, and thinking about it made me shudder. “Um, one of my chores used to be peeling potatoes, with one of the older ladies. And she would fill up this big basin with water and scrub down the potatoes…”

I could feel myself breathing faster, and I stopped to try to calm down. Carlisle squeezed my hand. “We were usually washing and peeling potatoes when the men were starting to come in. They got home at like, four, and supper would be at six,” I started to ramble, my voice shaky. “And at first I thought it was something wrong with me. Mara said I have a guilty-looking face, and one of the other ladies said I just look l-like trouble.”

I had to stop again to breathe. It didn’t help that I was cold and wet, and Esme’s body pressing against mine was also cold.

“Take your time,” Carlisle said, his thumb smoothing over the back of my hand.

“Well,” I had to stop again. They waited patiently. “If something happened during the day—if a piece of bread went missing, or someone’s tulips got stepped on… They would a-ask me if I d-did it. And I would say no, because I didn’t,” my voice started to get squeaky. “And they would say Don’t lie, lying is a sin, blah blah blah.”

I could see Carlisle tensing up. “They would s-say they would help me tell the truth.”

Esme’s breath was cold on my neck. “Oh no,” she whispered.

Now it was Carlisle’s turn to take slow, deep breaths. Then he stopped breathing, and Esme reached around and gently removed my hand from his.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, and this seemed to shake him out of his reverie.

“No, Deirdre. You have nothing to apologize for,” he said. He pulled me into his arms and started pacing around the living room, my legs around his waist and my face pressed into his neck. “I’m glad you told us.” He murmured. “I’m proud of you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until I was having a mental breakdown about swimming,” I mumbled.

“Shh. None of that, please. You know that’s literally torture, right? Pushing someone underwater to make them think they will drown? They were forcing confessions out of you. My God, no wonder… Oh, my sweet one, what did they do to you?”

“I know you wouldn’t, I just…”

“I know, my love. It’s still hard, isn’t it?”

I sniffed. “Yeah.”

Carlisle held me tightly. I shivered from the coolness of his skin, but I had to admit the pressure of being held felt night. And no one had laughed at me. He continued to pace, but slowly his gait became more relaxed.

When Carlisle turned, I caught Esme watching us from the couch. She looked sad, and relieved.

“I still want to learn how to swim,” I admitted quietly. “I just…”

Carlisle patted my back. Esme sat up on the couch. “Why don’t we try with a life jacket on? We have some life jackets in the basement.”

“Do you think that would help?” I asked her, chewing on my lip.

“I don’t know, sweetheart,” she said.

“Do you want to try it?” Carlisle asked.

“Yes,” I admitted. Esme disappeared and reappeared with a red and yellow life jacket.

Carlisle hiked me up a little higher on his hip and wiped the tears off my face. “Round two?”

I shoved the forkful of pasta into my mouth, aware that Esme was practically dying to feed it to me. I was slumped on the barstool, my head resting on one arm while I ate the hearty lunch she’d made—fusilli in marinara, with Caesar salad and garlic bread. It was more of a dinner, really, but I had been ravenous after spending three hours in the water. I could do the doggy paddle, and the right kind of kicking for back crawl, even if the arms were hard to do in a life jacket.

Carlisle stood behind me, brushing my wet hair and discussing some details of a book he and Jasper had been reading on ancient Egyptian military tactics.

“How was diving?” I asked Alice, who was painting her nails on the counter. She had half a dozen open bottles of nail polish, some metal tools that looked like they belonged in a dentist’s office, and a machine she would stick her nails into.

“Thrilling,” she said with a grin. “We even shared a shark.”

“I assumed you mean ate the shark, and not made love to it.”

Alice rolled her eyes at me. “You’re such a turkey. We ate it. It was pretty good, to be honest.” She glanced at my plate. “Smelled a lot better than that,”

“Hey!” Esme said, hand on her hips.

“This is yummy,” I informed Alice.

“Sure,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “Anyway, when Carlisle’s done brushing your hair, I can do an updo and we can put you in that cute romper I showed you. I already steamed it and put it in the closet.”

“Thanks Alice,” I said, shoving some more pasta in my mouth.

“It’ll be good for Bella to see someone who can handle my gifts with grace,” Alice declared.

“That’s not fair, Alice. Bella has always been appreciative, in her own way.” Esme said.

“That’s true,” Alice conceded. “Deirdre is just less resistant. Except for those pyjamas and the bikini.”

“Those are things that you bought for Deirdre to wear for us, not for herself.” Carlisle pointed out. “And you know why she doesn’t like the pyjamas, Alice. I really wished you would stop bringing them up.”

Alice sighed dramatically. “Fine. Sorry, Deirdre. I will work on finding you some dowdy things that don’t remind you of being in a cult.”

“Thanks Alice.”

She blinked at me. “Oh, you’re welcome. You’ll let me, then?”

I shrugged. “Sure, if you really want to.”

Alice beamed, and then squealed happily. “Oh my gosh, I really want to! I want to make you look like a cute little English peasant, and set you loose in the forest for Carlisle. Oh my god, that’s so hot…”

“Alice!” I complained, but she was already scheming, I could tell.

“Alice, stop torturing Deirdre, please,” Esme chided, although she didn’t have much heart in it. Maybe she wanted to chase me through a forest, too…

I could feel my eyes fluttering shut. Honestly, all the crying and swimming had drained me.

“Why don’t you have a little nap, Deirdre?” Carlisle suggested. I shook my head.

“I don’t want to be sleeping when everyone gets here.”

“We’ll wake you up,” he promised.

“When will they be here?” I asked Alice.

“In thirty-eight to forty-four minutes.”

I swung my legs around and slipped off the stool. Esme snatched my plate, surprise surprise.

“I might lay down… for a few minutes. Twenty, tops.”

“I will wake you up in twenty minutes,” Carlisle promised.

I nodded, padded off to the bedroom, and promptly fell fast asleep.

Chapter Text

Chapter 22

“Deirdre,”

Carlisle’s voice called me back gently from the abyss I’d been wading in. His normally reserved hand trailed from the back of my neck to my lower back.

“Everyone’s off for the evening, boating or diving. Talk to me, my love.”

His hand moved back up to my shoulders, and then both hands were rubbing my tense shoulder muscles. I jerked under his ministrations, but I wasn’t able to escape.

“I’ve never seen you so tense,” he murmured. I heard a sliding door open and close in the distance, and then Esme was floating over to the bed.

“I’m sorry,” I told him. His hands moved to my cheeks, and he tilted my face up to look at me. “I was trying my best, I just…”

“You don’t need to apologize,” he said softly.

“Your children probably think...”

I didn’t even know how to finish the sentence. I’d been so tense and frightened that Jasper hadn’t been able to help. In fact, he’d had to take a few breaks through the evening. Because I was stressing him out. They probably thought I was a lunatic. Or an idiot. Or both.

Esme emerged from the bathroom with the half-empty jug of aloe.

“You need to remember that everyone, other than Nessie, has gone through or met or has known people who have gone through trauma, Deirdre,” Carlisle said. He undid the buttons of my romper and gently helped me out of the top half, providing access for Esme.

Esme poured some gel onto her hands, and then began to coat my back. “You know, really, all things considered, fear is probably a pretty fair emotional response for sitting with a group of vampires for the evening.”

I slumped over, feet dangling off the bed. I studied the nails Alice had done for me. “I don’t even remember anything I said, or any of the conversation.”

Carlisle began to delicately pull pins out of my hair. “Well, most of the beginning conversations centred on updates from everyone’s lives. Jacob tried to involve you by asking about the hospital, so I told him a little about that. Bella asked about how we met, which Esme and I recounted. Nessie asked about the proposal, which Esme explained, and then we discussed politics for a little while. We had dinner, Rosalie and Emmett came, and Rosalie tried to ask you some questions about your family, but you weren’t responding, and I asked her to leave you be.”

“I’ll have to apologize to her, tomorrow.”

“If you wish,” Carlisle said. “I don’t think she’s expecting an apology, duckling.”

Esme tilted my head up, smiling as my gaze met hers. She smoothed the aloe over my nose and cheeks and tips of my ears, and then they both helped me into pyjamas.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered to her.

“You don’t need to be sorry, Deirdre. You did nothing wrong.”

My jaw hurt from clenching it, and my hands raised tiredly to massage it.

“You were clamping your jaw all afternoon. It’s no wonder it’s sore. Let me, sweet one.”

“Thanks, honeybee,” I murmured, my eyes fluttering shut. She kissed my forehead and urged me to lay down.

Carlisle laid down on the other side of the bed, turning on his side to watch us as Esme rubbed my tired jaw muscles.

“What are we doing tomorrow?” I asked when she finished. I tried desperately to keep my eyes open. I wanted them to stay with me—to reassure me they weren’t mad, even though they already had with their words. I guess I was just greedy like that.

“Well, Alice and Emmett want to play truth-or-dare quite badly,” Esme said, glancing at Carlisle.

“Okay.”

“They play it a bit on the extreme side, sweet one,” Esme murmured, sensing I wasn’t understanding the danger that approached.

I glanced at Carlisle, and back to her. “You don’t want me to play?”

Esme pursed her lips.

“It’s not that we don’t want you to play,” Carlisle said softly. “But perhaps it would be for the best if you didn’t, after this evening. An adjustment period, before any further demands are placed on your trust.”

I blinked and looked between them. “I trust you both,” I murmured. Carlisle smiled indulgently.

“We know that, duckling. But you don’t know our children like we do. It’s only natural for you to be wary of them. And furthermore, I do believe you are subconsciously interpreting that their opinion of you is a threat to your personal safety.”

I bit my lip. “Yeah, maybe a little.”

“You want them to like you,” Esme murmured, caressing my cheek. I nodded.

“I’m…”

I stopped, regretting starting a sentence to begin with. Carlisle and Esme both watched, waiting for my to continue. “I... am worried they won’t like me, and maybe that will make you both…”

I trailed off.

“Make us rethink our relationship?” Esme asked, taking my hand to play with my engagement ring. “There’s no rethinking mates, Deirdre. They will like you, or they will come around. Edward and Rosalie didn’t get along for years—now that’s worst-case scenario. Rosalie didn’t like Bella either when she first joined the family, and Bella was less than thrilled with Jacob when he imprinted on Nessie.”

I had to hold up a hand to stop her. “What’s imprinting?”

Carlisle’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly, his version of wincing when he didn’t want to show it. He still had tells, though they were subtle. “It’s love at first sight, for shapeshifters. Bella was unaware that Jacob imprinted on Nessie until she awoke as a vampire. Newborns can be… very emotional.”

“Uh oh.”

Esme raised a brow at me, and I sank into the bed. Her fingers traced the strip of skin available to her between the hem of my shirt and the top of my pyjama shorts.

“Uh oh?” she prompted.

“You know,” I said, looking to Carlisle for support. He had a small smile.

“You are concerned that you will be a handful as a vampire, my love?”

I nodded. He sighed, a small smile at the corner of his lips.

“When someone turns into a vampire, the venom heals a lot of the physical wounds. But it freezes other parts. Fearful humans tend to become fearful vampires. Angry humans become angry vampires.”

“Crybaby humans become crybaby vampires?” I asked.

His eyes narrowed playfully. “You’re not a crybaby, Deirdre.”

I huffed. “If we got one of those little chalk boards—however many days since Deirdre’s last cry—it would never leave the single digits.”

Carlisle crawled over to me. I was laying flat on my back, and the two of them looked down on me.

“We want to work on things with you,” Carlisle explained, “So that you can live comfortably and confidently. That’s all. What do you think?”

“Sounds good,” I murmured. My eyes burned, and I finally let myself close them. I was so, so tired. “Will you stay for a little bit?”

“Of course,” Carlisle said.

“We’re right here.” Esme murmured.

I was too tired to dream. In the morning, I woke up before the sunrise. It was still dark outside, the sky a murky, grey purple.

I climbed out of bed and pulled the sheets back into place. Carlisle slipped into the room, floating over to pull me into his arms. He kissed the top of my head, rocking from side to side.

“How did you sleep?”

“Like a bump on a log,” I murmured, then yawned. “I must’ve been tired.”

“You were quite tired,” Carlisle agreed. “I’m glad you slept soundly.” His fingers brushed hair away from my face, and he seemed to be deep in though. “I love you, Deirdre, and nothing will ever change that.”

I blinked up at him, the gears seizing in my brain. Even though it was suspicious of him to say so unprompted, all I blurted out was “Promise?”

“I promise,” he whispered, taking my hand and kissing my palm. “Esme and I were talking last night, and we thought it might be helpful for you to have a few more reminders of that.”

“Okay,” I agreed easily. Unlike rules or pills, this was a treatment I could accept easily. “I love you, too. Both of you. By the way.”

“We know,” Carlisle said, his eyes warm and swirly like melting gold. “Though it’s nice to hear.”

“It is,” I murmured. “I like this plan.”

Carlisle gave me a light squeeze. “Good. Esme went for a run with Bella and should be back in about half an hour. Nessie and Jacob are sleeping, and Alice and Edward and Jasper are out in the living room.”

I rubbed my eyes. “I need to apologize to Jasper.”

“He accepts your apology.”

I groaned. “I haven’t said it yet!”

There were a few chuckles from the other room. I leaned against Carlisle and relaxed. Then I looked up at him. “Could we go swimming?”

He looked a little surprised. “It will be a bit chilly, but we can, if you’d like.”

I put on shorts and a shirt over my swimsuit for the short walk to the waterfall. Alice had groaned when she saw I’d covered up.

“If you’re going to wear a one piece,” she growled, “The least you could do is actually show it off! Carlisle and Edward are the only prudes around here, and Edward has simmered down quite significantly over the last few years.”

Edward winced, but still smiled. “Wear whatever you want, Deirdre,” he told me. “And you don’t have to listen to Alice. Bella rarely does these days.”

“Hey!” Alice grumbled. Jasper grabbed her by the waist before she could make it to Edward to give him a piece of her mind.

Carlisle shook his head at his children, then took my hand and led me out of the house. I slipped on my sandals, but Carlisle walked barefoot. Nothing could cut his feet up.

“That was very good,” he told me. I let out a breath I’d been holding.

“I already know Alice and Jasper. That’s different,” I said, still trying to breathe normally.

“I suppose,” Carlisle conceded. “But you’ve only met them twice before.”

“Exactly,” I said. “And once before I knew about the vampire stuff. Besides, Alice seems like the type who wouldn’t pretend to like me if she really didn’t. And Jasper…”

“Jasper?” Carlisle prompted.

I hummed. “Jasper seems like he likes when Alice is happy, and when you guys are happy. So if I make you and Esme and Alice happy, then he’s fine with me.”

We got to the waterfall, and Carlisle set down the towels before getting into the water. I started peeling off my shirt, then stopped and turned away from him. He laughed.

“Whatever are you doing, Deirdre?”

I could feel my cheeks flush. “It feels too much like stripping in front of you,” I told him, turning my back to take my shirt off and fold it.

“I’ve already seen all of you, my love,” Carlisle reminded me, teasingly. I threw him a playful glare.

“You’re the prude, remember? I’m just trying to preserve your modesty.”

Carlisle laughed and I stuck my tongue out at him.

“Thank you for thinking of me,” Carlisle joked. I took off my short and folded them, setting them with my shirt to the side of the towel.

Carlisle held his hands up for me, and I took them, half-jump half-crouching into the water. It was chilly—I didn’t realize how much the warmth of the daytime cut the bite of the water, and in an instant I was climbing up Carlisle to escape the cold.

“Nope, nope, nope! Baaaaad idea. Yucky cold water,” I blabbered, trying to adjust my legs around Carlisle in a way to get them out of the water. His arms moved to support me in this endeavor, but I could feel his chest shake slightly as he chuckled.

“I did warn you it would be cold,” he reminded me.

“I know,” I said miserably. I shivered, and he patted my back. The purple clouds were beginning to lighten, the sun contemplating rising over the horizon. It still felt kind of dark, and that mixed with the cold was bringing back a lot of the unpleasant memories I had around water.

“Don’t dunk me, please,” I whispered.

“I won’t,” Carlisle agreed. “I will only do what you ask of me, sweet one.”

I loosened my legs and let them slide back into the water. Nope, bad bad bad.

“I need out,” I whispered. Almost instantly, Carlisle set me on a rock. My feet still dangled into the water, and my arms instinctively reached out for him. He ran his hands up and down my upper arms, trying to warm me.

“Most humans find the cold water unpleasant, even those who enjoy swimming,” Carlisle said gently. I shivered. I could feel my heart racing with fear, but I didn’t want to return to the house yet. I wanted to hang out with Carlisle, just the two of us, for a little longer.

“Do you guys have any new year’s traditions?” I asked, moving my feet nervously in the water. The movement made little ripples that spread out, then disappeared.

“Not really,” Carlisle said. He sounded a little… depressed. “Staying up late doesn’t hold the same excitement when you don’t sleep.”

“Right,” I agreed.

“Furthermore,” he continued, this time more softly. “It tends to be a reminder, at least for me, of being frozen. Unchanging. Time moves on without us.”

I looked up at his face. It looked pained. I couldn’t help but move a hand to his cheek.

“I wouldn’t say you are unchanging,” I argued. He blinked, pursing his lips slightly as he framed what he wanted to say.

“We don’t change, Deirdre. We don’t grow, or age. Not even our hair or nails.”

“I know that,” I said. “But not all of changing is physical. Would you say you are the exact same person you were in January?”

Carlisle lips twitched. “Yes.”

“Liar, liar, swim trunks on fire,” I argued, and his face softened with a small smile, his eyes still sad.

“I am who I always have been,” he said softly.

“Yes, yes. But you have learned new things, experienced new things this year, haven’t you?”

Carlisle frowned, not saying anything for a few minutes. Then he sighed softly. “Why, certainly. However…”

“However, what? Is learning and experiencing not growing, also?”

He sighed again, and I knew I had him. I pulled on his face, and he moved closer to me, until we were almost nose to nose.

“Are you exactly the same as you were twenty years ago? Fifty? A hundred?”

“No,” he admitted. Then, after a long pause, “You’re right, Deirdre. Thank you.”

I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. His eyes closed, and he looked at peace. I found myself combing through his hair with my fingers while he stayed perfectly still, his hands on either side of my thighs, resting on the rock I sat on.

“Can I try again?” I asked. His eyes flicked open, and he moved to let me slide into the water again. It almost as bad as before, and I reeled myself in closer to him and secured my arms around his waist.

“Yikies,” I whispered. Carlisle ran a hand up and down my back. “Would you talk to me, so I can’t think about it so much?”

“You don’t have to be in the water if you don’t want to.”

“I want to. I want to get over it,” I said. He hummed.

“Well, let me think of something to distract you with.”

“Good news?” I suggested.

“Well, Alice has apparently selected your wedding dress and ordered it.”

Well, that was certainly distracting. “Have you seen it?”

“No, and neither has Esme. Alice was showing her some floral arrangements.”

“Hm,” I hummed. I wondered what kind of flowers. “What kind of flowers do you like?”

“I like most flowers,” Carlisle said. “Although, if I’m being honest, I’ve developed a fondness for garden roses and peonies. Esme did some lovely flower paintings a few decades ago, and she planted all sorts of things in our garden.”

“I like peonies,” I said. “They smell really nice. The pastor’s wife had a whole bunch of them, and as soon as they began to bloom, she’d clip off all the flowers. They always smelled so nice, for a day or two.”

“They do smell nice,” Carlisle agreed. “Do you have a favourite flower?”

“No,” I said. “I mean, I really like daisies, but I think that’s kind of silly.”

Carlisle pulled back slightly so he could better see my face. “I don’t think that’s silly at all,” he said. “They are sweet, just like you.”

“Oh, hush,” I mumbled, embarrassed. The water was starting not to feel so bad. “Does Esme have a favourite flower?”

“She does, sometimes, but it changes,” Carlisle said, his eyes looking off behind me. “For instance, if you were to ask her now, she might say daisies.”

I looked behind me, and about ten metres back stood Esme, hair tied up in a high pony tail, wearing tight athletic shorts and a loose t-shirt. She glided over, peeling her shirt off before slipping into the water and wading over to Carlisle and me. She had a sports bra on underneath, and I wondered why she had bothered to wear it, but I was glad she did. I’m pretty sure my blush for a topless Esme would’ve melted my face off.

“Swimming without me?” she asked, hand moving over my arms and then down my back to rest on my hips. “My goodness, I’m jealous!”

“We’re not swimming yet,” I told her airily, losing my train of thought over and over as she began to kiss my neck. Eventually I pieced enough braincells together to answer her properly: “We’re just standing in the water.”

“And you’re doing it so well,” she cooed, and my whole body felt warm despite the temperature.

“H-how was your run?” I asked, shivering from Esme’s touch. It felt good, distracting. The chill of the water wasn’t as biting as it was before.

“Mm, it was really nice,” Esme said. “I look forward to running with you, someday. Did you sleep alright, ducky? You’re up awfully early.”

“I slept okay,” I assured her.

“Deirdre wanted to try some swimming this morning,” Carlisle explained.

“That’s our brave girl,” Esme said. She kissed my temple, and I felt like I was going to faint from all of the positive attention.

“Batman was telling me about some of Alice’s wedding plans.”

Carlisle reached over and poked my waist, and I squeaked and pushed myself against Esme. She laughed, securing me in her arms while Carlisle tickled me.

“I’m sorry! I’m- ha ha ha, Carlisle! I’m sorry!” I shrieked, laughing so hard tears came to my eyes.

“I didn’t know when I asked for a nickname for Christmas, that it would be used against me,” he said, sitting back in the water until his head was the only part poking out.

“Sorry, flittermouse,” I said, sighing as I recovered from laughing and being tickled. “I’m just teasing you. It’s so easy to do,” I said. “And it always makes you smile.”

Carlisle smiled, sharing a glance with Esme. “It does?” he asked us.

“It does,” Esme confirmed.

“You’ve been really serious since everyone’s gotten here,” I told him. He sighed, his smile fading.

“I’m sorry. I’ve just been concerned about our move, about you. What everything will be like…”

“Have…?” Have Bella and Edward told Nessie?

Carlisle seemed to know what I was getting at. He shook his head.

“Have you lived in Alaska before?” I asked. He nodded.

“A few times. Many of the times, just to live alone.”

“When we live as part of the community, we can only stay for a few years,” Esme explained, her head resting on my shoulder. “If we keep to ourselves, we can stay longer.”

“What do you like about Alaska?” I asked.

Esme hummed. “I like the terrain. It’s beautiful, and expansive. We’ve got a lovely spot we’ll be going to. I can’t wait to show you around.”

Carlisle ran a hand through his hair. I licked my lips, and he winked at me. Oops.

“I must admit I am selfishly looking forward to spending my time with you and Esme, when I am not at work.”

“Nothing selfish about that,” I said. “Esme’s your wife, and I’m your…”

Carlisle smiled. “Go on.”

I blushed. “It’s just weird in my mouth!”

Esme kissed my forehead. “Darling, you mustn’t say those kinds of things in earshot of Emmett. He has announced ‘that’s what she said’.”

I groaned and covered my face. Carlisle rose from the water and moved over to me. “You’re my fiancée, and soon you will be my wife. Is that really so strange, Deirdre?”

“No,” I whispered. “But it’s not selfish to enjoy the company of your wives, I would say.”

“I agree with Deirdre,” Esme murmured. “I’m sure Deirdre is looking forward to some of your attention, especially after the wedding.”

My mouth dropped open. “Es!” I whined. “Emmett can hear!”

Esme cackled in my ear. I could feel her body shake behind mine. “I got my taste of you in the fall,” Esme murmured. “Poor Carlisle’s been waiting for you, and you for him.”

“Stop,” I whined, blushing. It was true, though. Esme and I had… fooled around, for lack of a better term. It had been absolutely wonderful, but it also felt weird. Because Carlisle hadn’t—or wouldn’t—be a part of it. We hadn’t done it again since.

“It was weird, without you. You were missing,” I told him.

“I look forward to not being missing.” He assured me. I fanned my blushing cheeks, and my lovers laughed.

Chapter Text

Chapter 23

Esme’s arms snaked around Deirdre’s waist as her human lover stirred the pancake batter. Esme would have preferred to cook for Deirdre, to let her relax as she whipped up something tasty, an offering of sustenance to her sweet, gentle fiancée. Humans loved food, and Esme knew cooking was one way to get to a human’s heart. Esme had won over many hospital staffs with her baked goods, and she had a modest but trusted repertoire of meals. She knew Deirdre was capable of cooking—in fact, it seemed like Deirdre even enjoyed the chore on occasion. But there was something primal and satisfying about being the one to satiate her mate’s hunger. Oh well. Deirdre needed something to distract her from Rosalie’s scrutinizing gaze, and whisking batter seemed to be doing the trick.

Esme didn’t need to be standing in front of her mate to know that Deidre’s eyes were cast down at the batter, ignoring Rosalie’s eyes in the hope that she would eventually look away. Esme’s eyes flicked to her daughter, and she frowned. Esme had known that Rosalie would have a hard time accepting Deirdre. Not only was Deirdre’s life not in peril (at least, by Rosalie’s standards), but she would also be their second mate. To Rosalie, it would seem incredibly selfish to turn Deirdre when they already had each other.

Esme knew better. She loved Carlisle deeply, unwaveringly, unequivocally. She knew everything about him, body, mind, and soul. She knew what made him happy, what made him sad, and what agitated him and put him on edge. There wasn’t much that put him on edge, except his family being in danger. She felt the same love, the same strength and depth with Deirdre. Sure, she was still learning about her, but they were getting there. Esme hadn’t woken up as a vampire knowing everything about Carlisle, either. It would take some time, and that was okay, Esme reminded herself. Deirdre liked to hold her cards close to the chest. But Esme could outlast her.

“Would you like some bananas or chocolate chips for the batter?” Esme asked. She knew she was really asking her precious girl if she would be okay standing on her own.

“No thanks,” Deirdre murmured. Well, at least she spoke. That was an improvement on the previous day. Esme kissed her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. It was hard for Esme to see Deirdre retreat back into herself—she and Carlisle had successfully tugged her out of her shell quite quickly in the fall. Perhaps too quickly, looking back.

“Is she always this quiet, Ma?” Emmett asked, his voice so soft Deirdre wouldn’t be able to hear his question. Emmett had been on his best behaviour so far, which was a relief to Esme. While he was a bit of a jokester, Emmett realized pretty quickly that Deirdre wasn’t in a state to be messed with. Rosalie had also picked up on this, like a shark smelling blood in the water. Esme glanced nervously at Rosalie. Rosalie was… off. Esme loved her daughter deeply, but Rosalie communication style often left something to be desired. Especially in situations hitting close to home.

“Not this quiet,” Esme responded, her voice equally quiet. Deirdre was shy by nature, but once she was comfortable, she was much more inquisitive, and willing to participate in conversations. Esme had watched her at the long-term care wing long enough to have an understanding of her interactions with others. Deirdre was reluctant to meet new humans. It was only natural, from an evolution standpoint, to be even more wary amongst vampires.

“She’s got a good sense of humour. That’ll be good for Pa. Lighten him up,” Emmett murmured. His eyes flicked to his mate, who was focusing on Deirdre, as if concentrating would lend Rosalie some of Edward’s powers. Edward was immersed in a game of chess that he was winning, Carlisle too distracted by his human mate’s quiet misery.

“She does,” Esme agreed. Deirdre had paused her whisking of the batter. Esme carefully removed her arms, a hand resting on Deirdre’s waist so that Esme could grab a pan from the cabinet and still touch her. Everyone could hear Deirdre’s hear begin to race as Esme let her go. Poor thing. Rosalie’s eyes scrunched as they narrowed in on Deirdre.

“Check,” Edward murmured. He was having a hard time enjoying the game against his father figure when the other man was so distracted. Even as Bella shielded his thoughts (so they could play a fair game), Edward had a pretty good idea of what was going on in the man’s head. “I do believe this would fall under the umbrella of normal human reactions to being subjected to a group of vampires,” Edward told him. “Even Bella was nervous upon meeting everyone, and she had been around Rose, Emmett, Jazz and Alice numerous times, and had met you once already as well.”

“Yes, well, Bella was a bit of a freak,” Rosalie said, continuing to speak so quietly Deirdre could not hear.

Bella huffed and rolled her eyes, but did not engage, instead turning the page in her book.

“How was swimming?” Emmett asked, this time loud enough for Deirdre to hear. She froze with the bottle of oil in her hand. To Deirdre, everyone had been perfectly silent before he spoke.

Esme opened her mouth to say something, but she heard the soft sound of her mate’s lips parting. “Cold,” Deirdre replied.

“Ah, that’s another crappy part of being human,” Emmett said, pleased he’d managed to draw out a response from his vampire parental figures’ duckling. He grinned, making eye contact with Esme. “It won’t bother you as a vampire,” he told Deirdre. “We break the ice in the winter and go swimming sometimes. Feels refreshing.”

Deirdre shivered and didn’t respond, shakily twisting the cap off the oil to pour a little into the pan. Esme reached around and screwed the cap back on, setting the bottle aside.

“Jake and Nessie would probably like pancakes, if you have extra,” Esme said, knowing full well Deirdre had made enough batter for at least twelve, maybe eighteen pancakes. DeeDee usually ate three.

Deirdre nodded to confirm she’d heard. “Will they be up soon?”

Oh, a full sentence! “Yes, they’re just waking up now,” Esme said, rewarding Deirdre with a kiss on the cheek. Deirdre turned on the stove element.

“Do they want bananas or chocolate chips?”

“Chocolate chips, please!” Nessie called from the other room, loud enough for Deirdre to hear. That was nice of her, Esme thought to herself, giving Deirdre a squeeze before zipping across the kitchen to get the chocolate chips and back. Deirdre barely had time to realize she’d been released before Esme wrapped her arms around her again.

“Don’t you think you’re smothering her?” Rosalie asked, quiet enough for Deirdre not to hear.

“No, I don’t,” Esme responded, a bit stiffly. Everyone could hear the changes in DeeDee’s heartrate and breathing when Esme held onto her, versus when she didn’t. It was obvious to any of them that Deirdre was calmer this way.

“I can’t believe she held a job before meeting you both,” Rosalie mused, still speaking only to her coven. “Unless you’ve created this helplessness.”

“Rosalie,” Carlisle warned, quiet, but not quiet enough. Deirdre’s eyes flicked up to Carlisle’s, then met Rosalie’s. She stiffened, then cast her eyes down.

“She’s like a little mouse in a snake nest,” Rosalie said, this time loud enough for Deirdre to hear. “I’m surprised her heart hasn’t given out.”

“Enough, Rosalie.” Carlisle said, quiet but firm. Emmett pulled Rosalie’s legs onto his lap, not agreeing with his wife but not willing to be unsupportive of her either.

“It’s too bad we couldn’t see what kind of Deirdre you had concocted with the medication you were slipping her,” Rosalie said, tone light as if she were curious instead of conveying her displeasure with his actions. Deirdre bristled, and Rosalie took note. It was a sensitive topic, then. Interesting. She would have to corner the little mouse and ask for more details over the next few days. Although Rosalie highly doubted Carlisle or Esme would let Deirdre get very far away. And Edward and Alice would help their ‘parents’, no doubt.

“Rosalie, if you don’t have anything nice to say,” Esme warned her daughter. Deirdre began carefully scooping batter into the pan, hand a little shaky. She sprinkled chocolate chips carefully over each patch of batter in the pan. Esme kissed her shoulder.

The guest room door opened. “Mm, mm, mm. Something smells good,” Jacob announced, walking straight over to the kitchen area.

“Deirdre’s making pancakes,” Esme explained the obvious, relieved to be able to change the conversation to a more comfortable topic. Deirdre had been doing so well, before Rosalie had begun lashing out.

“Well, if she needs help with the extras…”

“There’s enough for you and Nessie, too,” Deirdre said softly.

“Aw, thanks,” Jacob said brightly. “Although we might need to adjust your expectations of enough.”

Rosalie snorted audibly for Deirdre to hear.

“Jacob can pack it away like he’s eating for an army,” Emmett explained.

Deirdre shrank against Esme. “Might not be enough, then,” she practically whispered. Esme gave her a squeeze.

“We can make some food other than pancakes,” Esme suggested. Deirdre nodded, focusing on the batter that was beginning to bubble in the pan. She flipped the pancakes over. They were perfect.

“Ooh, so she’s a good cook,” Jacob praised. He came over to sit at the bar, watching the human girl with fascination. She had dark hair and tons of freckles, and fading sunburn patches on her nose, cheeks and ears. The sunburn was even more noticeable with the pink romper Alice had all but forced her into after her swim. She looked to be about Carlisle’s physical age, although she certainly didn’t carry herself with the same confidence as the old doctor. Jacob hadn’t met anyone who had been in a cult, per say. He wondered if the anxiety, the painful shyness, was a result of growing up in the cult, living with vampires, or simply her nature. Whatever the case was, palpable waves of unease rolled off of her. No wonder Jasper had disappeared again, Alice nearly dragging her tense husband out of the house. “Cook a lot of pancakes in the cult?” Jacob asked.

“Jacob!” Esme chided, surprised and unnerved by his blunt question. She’d expected him to chat with her, but she’d been hoping for lighter topics, like the weather, or Christmas.

Deirdre, surprisingly, did not seem as bothered by it as Esme had predicted. “Yes.”

“I thought so,” Jacob said. Like Emmett, he was happy he was able to pry some interaction out of the newest family member, and he had the warmth to be successful. “Usually the first pancakes turn out like shit.”

Esme huffed, looking to Carlisle for support. Edward took one of Carlisle’s bishops.

“If I burnt pancakes, I had to eat them.” She said quietly. One of her hands reached down to squeeze Esme’s. Esme swallowed the venom in her mouth. Poor Deirdre. She wanted to cuddle her and sit her on the counter and never let her make pancakes herself ever again. And she would’ve interfered, if Rosalie hadn’t been there, ready to tear a strip of off the sweet, nervous human.

“Plates?” Esme asked her fiancée. Truthfully, Esme hadn’t known that about Deirdre. As much as she wanted to tell her family to stop prying, she was curious to learn about her lover’s past. Getting Deirdre to share was like trying to pull teeth, and Esme could never be so cruel to her. Nearly everything she knew about Deirdre’s past had been discovered by accident or through triggering situations. Or through Alice and Jasper.

“Yes, please.”

Esme grabbed four plates, and also eggs, bacon, and milk. The conversation was working, slowly but surely, as nervous as it was making Esme. She desperately wished she could review their questions before they talked to her, but that wasn’t the way conversation worked. Furthermore, Rosalie would really lose it if they ever tried to request such a thing. Esme saw Deirdre glance up at Jacob, who smiled brightly. Jacob did have a nice smile, and a warmth about him that Deirdre seemed to recognize.

“Probably had a bunch of Jacobs in the cult, right?” Jacob asked. Deirdre nodded.

“Well, I promise I know no Bible verses,” Jacob assured her. “Do you still believe in all that stuff?”

Deirdre scooped out the first three pancakes and placed them on the plate. “What stuff?”

“Like, your cult was Christian flavoured, right?”

“Mhm, they are. And no, I’m not Christian, anymore.”

Interesting. Carlisle seemed to be mulling that over as he lost another pawn to his son.

“Let me guess,” Jacob continued, “You’re a satanist.”

Deirdre snorted. Carlisle held a knight in his fingers, freezing to assess her. “Depends who you ask, I guess,” she responded, spooning more batter into the pan.

“Ever been exorcised?”

“Yes.”

Jacob had been joking when he asked, and he cast a bewildered look at Esme, who seemed as surprised as he did. Uh oh.

“Let’s change the subject,” Emmett interrupted. “Before someone gives Pa a heart attack, even though his heart doesn’t work.”

“Sorry,” Deirdre whispered, drooping slightly.

“No, it’s alright,” Carlisle assured her, from his seat in the living room. He flicked his king over—he and Edward both knew he was losing this one—and walked over to give Deirdre a squeeze. Reassurance. Esme moved to let him have a turn. His wife grabbed another pan and started cooking the bacon.

Rosalie was notably quiet, no doubt thinking over what Deirdre had said. Good. Maybe Rosalie would realize that he and Esme were not being so harsh when they tried to protect her.

Deirdre surprised him by moving to the left, pulling out another pan.

“How do you like your eggs?” She asked Jacob, meeting his eyes. She didn’t seem to notice Esme’s smile. Deirdre was asking her own questions, now. Esme’s heart swelled with hope and pride. Maybe this trip wouldn’t be so terrible for her after all. Carlisle was beginning to feel like he had been torturing their poor lover.

“Oh, I’ll eat them however,” he said with a grin. “I trust you.”

“And Nessie?”

“She likes over medium fried eggs, or scrambled eggs.”

Dierdre put a little oil in the new pan and turned on the element, pulling the salt and pepper and a little shaker of mixed spices to be in reach. Then she flipped the pancakes—they were perfect again.

“Nice,” Jacob said. She smiled, and Esme and Carlisle smiled at each other, relieved. Deirdre wasn’t looking. She was focused on her task.

Nessie emerged from the guest room, dressed and braiding her hair neatly into a plait. “When are we starting Truth-or-Dare?” she asked.

“After Deirdre has been fed and watered and tucked safely away,” Rosalie said. Nessie glanced between the serious faces of her grandparents, and the annoyed face of her aunt, who was daring them to challenge her with her eyes.

“After breakfast,” Esme clarified.

Deirdre said nothing, stacking six pancakes, four strips of bacon, and three fried eggs on a plate and passing it to Jacob, before making a plate for Nessie, and then one for herself. She put the leftover bacon, eggs, and pancakes on the forth plate Esme had set out. It was endearing how she thought she had given Jacob enough food.

“We could always play tomorrow,” Nessie said, taking her turn to evaluate the slightly more cognizant Deirdre. Her grandparents were orbiting their mate restlessly. “And maybe Deirdre will play, then.”

“I don’t think Deirdre’s going to participate this time, regardless of when we play,” Carlisle told his granddaughter gently, pouring orange juice for the three human-food-eaters in his family.

“What do you think, Deirdre?” Nessie asked. Deirdre’s eyes rose to meet hers.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said, looking off at Esme. Esme shook her head.

“Do you ever let her think for herself, or are you two her brain now? Geez, I thought Edward was controlling,” Rosalie said. Deirdre’s fork slipped out of her hand and she dropped down to grab it. She miscalculated, hitting her head on the edge of the counter on the way down. Instantly, her lips quivered and her throat burned with sobs that shook her chest. Not that she was trying to show it. Her chest shook as Deirdre made a strong effort not to cry. She wasn’t even hurt that badly—it was just the human, natural reaction to suddenly getting hit in the head. Esme could read her body language like a book, and she struggled not to pick up her suffering mate and whisk her away to safety. Somehow, she knew that Deirdre would only be more upset to be swept away in such a manner in front of everyone.

“Rosalie, that’s enough,” Carlisle said, not quite raising his voice but saying it in such a tone that made Deirdre shiver, the fork slipping through her fingers again. Esme caught it this time and set it on the counter, flattening the metal on accident. Deirdre’s hand pressed on the spot on her head she’d hit as she tried to blink away the tears and not breathe too hard.

“Bella, I take back all my complaints about you as a human,” Rosalie said casually, curling her legs back away from Emmett. Rosalie knew she was about to be incredibly rude, and even Emmett would disapprove, even if he didn’t say so in front of their family. “You were never this pathetic.”

“Rosalie, you need to take a break. Outside,” Carlisle growled.

“What? Afraid she’ll realize the predicament she’s in?”

“Rosalie,” Edward chided.

“Rose,” Bella objected.

“Rosalie, stop it,” Esme said sharply, voice starting to tinge with anger as Deirdre started to shake.

“Please don’t yell,” Deirdre begged, and everyone stopped for a long minute. Her shaky breaths and sniffles seemed to melt Rosalie a little, who looked almost guilty. The girl was definitely no Bella. Human Bella had been fiercely independent and stubborn, even if her self esteem was low. Rosalie was beginning to realize Deirdre wasn’t just an airhead, infatuated by Carlisle and Esme’s beauty. Something had happened to her. Something bad. Maybe lots of bad things. But surely, there had to be some path to a better life that didn’t include the fretful thing becoming a vampire. Rosalie stood and Emmett followed her out of the house.

Deirdre flinched when Carlisle’s hand rested on her hip. He moved his hand slowly up and down her back as she trembled.

“I’m sorry I raised my voice,” he told her gently. He pulled her a little closer and kissed the top of her head. “Let me take a look, please.” He could see plainly that the bump was not so bad. Just painful, and a surprise. “Well, that’s certainly a good bump. I bet that really hurt.”

Nessie watched, halfway through a bite, as her grandpa ran his fingers over the red line near the top of Deirdre’s forehead. She’d read about people who had experienced hard things, some of them ‘strong’ and others ‘weak’ like Deirdre. Technically, having a whole vampire army coming to kill you as a child would probably classify as a hard thing. But she’d had her whole vampire family, and all their friends there to support her. And nothing had really happened, anyway. Still, she found herself having a hard time blaming Deirdre for her tears, the way she avoided the gazes of her family members, the way she flinched away from Carlisle after he raised his voice even slightly. She turned in her seat to look at her parents, as if to say Can we go talk about this somewhere?

“Nessie, why don’t we go eat on the patio?” Bella said, even though she wouldn’t be eating. Jacob got the message loud and clear, grabbing his plate and evacuating the house with the others.

“It’s alright, duckling,” Carlisle said. He watched Deirdre pull in shorter breaths, and he gently pulled her to him and carried her over to the couch, where she began to cry and hyperventilate properly. At least she wasn’t shaking as badly—she was crying out loud, instead of holding it in. He wouldn’t have to worry about her cracking a rib, this way. Esme curled up with them, hands running over Deirdre’s back and down her arms.

“Sh-she’s right, th-there’s something wr-wrong with m-me,” Deirdre sobbed.

“That’s not what Rosalie is saying at all,” Carlisle replied, mindful to keep the anger he was feeling towards Rosalie out of his tone. He bookmarked in his brain to talk to Deirdre about her aversion to raised voices some other time. It didn’t seem to bother her as much at work, but perhaps that was because it was never really directed at her. No, that wasn’t right. There had definitely been patients who had yelled at Deirdre. Perhaps it was different for her, if she knew they were out of their minds. Or maybe she was scared because they were vampires having an argument, not geriatric patients.

“She’s not even upset with you, really,” Carlisle tried to reason with her. “She’s upset with me, and with Esme, and she’s taking it out on you.” This didn’t calm Deirdre down at all. Carlisle desperately wanted to wipe her tears away, but she was covering her face as she cried. “It’s alright, sweet one. You’re doing such a good job,” Carlisle purred. “You were talking so much. We’re very proud of you.”

Deirdre turned into Esme, who wrapped her arms around her and gave her a squeeze, releasing and re-squeezing. Releasing and re-squeezing. Releasing, and re-squeezing, over and over and over until Deirdre’s body finally relaxed.

“There’s something wrong with me,” Deirdre whimpered, unwilling to look at either Carlisle or Esme.

“It’s not fun for anyone to be on the receiving end of one of Rosalie’s moods,” Esme assured her. Deirdre sniffed, eyes fluttering. She had been so tense before she hit her head, it was no wonder she was tired all over again. Esme welcomed the exhaustion—after a little sleep, Deirdre would bounce back. She always did. It always amazed Esme how she could wake up and try again. That’s probably how she survived being in the cult.

Carlisle watched his two mates. Esme was cradling a tearful, exhausted Deirdre. The only time he liked to see her this way was after a spanking, basking in cathartic release. Not that they would be partaking in such activities for a while. Deirdre’s view of them had changed, and he wouldn’t pressure her to do something that was not to her benefit. Besides, Deirdre wasn’t feeling like she had paid penance—she was feeling ripped to shreds.

“Zero days since Deirdre’s last cry,” Deirdre whispered hoarsely.

“Hush,” Esme told her. “None of that.”

Carlisle listened to Deirdre’s heart as he held her clammy hand. She really had been doing such a good job this morning, compared to yesterday afternoon. He considered what to do about Rosalie. A part of him wanted to tell her to take her things and leave with Emmett, but that would surely create strife in the family, and Deirdre would blame herself. No, he’d have to see if he could reason with Rosalie. Maybe he could tell her what they knew so far, and she would realize she couldn’t talk to Deirdre in such a manner. He’d already seen in Rosalie’s eyes that she knew she’d gone to far. Their pursuit of Deirdre wasn’t even her fault.

“I don’t want to be like this,” she whimpered, hot tears slipping down her face. “I hate being like this.”

“I know, sweetheart. This isn’t you. We’ll work through it,” Esme promised her. Carlisle could see how Deirdre’s tears affected Esme. His wife looked up at him, her frown trying to mask the fact that she was also on the verge of crying. Carlisle felt a surge of protectiveness, and he was momentarily relieved that his children were out of the house, and he could tend to his gentle-hearted mates in relative peace.

Deirdre breathed shakily for a few minutes, then sat up and rubbed her eyes. “I th-think I want to sit in our room for a little w-while.”

“Alright, duckling,” Esme said, a hand trailing down her back. “I’ll bring in your breakfast, and perhaps Carlisle will grab you a puzzle from the cupboard.”

Deirdre’s eyes were far off, reliving some memory they weren’t invited to. Esme didn’t like that look, and as she met her husband’s gaze, she knew he’d noticed as well. Esme was hoping she’d get to carry Deirdre, but her sweet, squishy mate stood up on her own, sniffing and padding off in the direction of their room.

“I don’t know if I can talk to Rosalie right now,” Esme said. She reached out for her husband, who reciprocated the touch, pulling Esme in to offer his reassurance. With Esme in his arms, Carlisle felt at least a little better. He wasn’t tending to Deirdre alone—he had Esme. And no one knew how to love like Esme.

“Deirdre is nothing if not resilient,” He reminded his wife. “I…don’t want her to stop crying. She cries because she’s safe with us. It would be worse if she was like yesterday.”

Esme nodded, sighing, and rubbing her neck. Carlisle’s hand gently plucked it away, and he replaced it with his own. She relaxed, and leaned back into him.

“That being said,” Carlisle murmured, getting around to finishing his thought, “I plan to have words with Rosalie. Her behaviour is unacceptable. I believe she knows that, already.”

Esme nodded in agreement, sighed heavily, and pulled away. “I’ll take her the food. I don’t want to leave her alone too long, unless she asks.”

“Good idea. I will fetch the puzzle before I leave to speak with Rosalie.”

Esme was in the kitchen in an instant. She reheated her mate’s food in the microwave, getting her new cutlery before walking at a human pace to the bedroom. She was careful to tread somewhat loudly. Now would be an inopportune time to sneak up on Deirdre.

Opening the door, Esme made a conscious effort not to crush the plate. Deirdre was sitting on the floor—on her knees, facing the bed. Her head drooped forward, and her eyes, normally so sweet and warm and bright, seemed dull and unfocused. If Esme didn’t know better, she might have though Deirdre was praying.

“You might be comfier in bed, duckling,” Esme said gently. Deirdre gave a slight shake of her head. Esme closed her eyes and focused for a long minute. Don’t crush the plate. Don’t smother the fragile girl. Oh God, she was fragile, wasn’t she? Both in mind and soul. Esme knew she could be the same way—at least, just in soul these days. Carlisle loved that about her—her sensitivity, the way she tried to understand the needs of her loved ones, her patience and understanding… Deirdre was the same way. But in Deirdre, those things had been ignored and ridiculed until she was just a little nervous shell of a being.

“I know you probably don’t want to eat,” Esme murmured, sitting down beside her human mate. Esme went over the phrasing carefully. “But I would feel better if you had two bites for me. Please.”

Deirdre picked up the pancake and took a bite of it, eyes still unfocused. Well, at least she was listening. Esme wasn’t sure if she should be happy or not with her sweet girl’s easy compliance. “Take a little sip for me,” Esme murmured, holding up the drink to Deirdre’s lips. Deirdre obeyed.

“I love you,” she whispered as Esme set down her cup.

“I love you, too, Deirdre,” Esme replied gently. “And so does Carlisle.”

Deirdre gave a little nod. Esme was glad. At least, if nothing else, she was accepting of that. Esme listened to Deirdre swallow, waiting for the next words.

“I want to play Truth-or-Dare.”

Carlisle walked into the room with the puzzle he had carefully chosen from the selection. “No.” he said simply.

“Alice and Jasper will let me play.”

“Alice and Jasper are not your keepers,” Carlisle said. Deirdre’s eyes flicked up at him.

“Are you my keeper?” she asked tiredly. It reminded Esme of the children’s book Are You My Mother?, the one with the baby bird.

“Yes, we are,” Carlisle responded, his voice the gentle, soothing one he used with distressed patients. He set the puzzle aside, sitting down behind Deirdre to rub her back. She let her head droop again, and this time Carlisle pulled her back into his laps, unfolding her legs.

“One would think you were praying, sitting like that,” He said, patting her foot.

“Like my feet, don’t you?” Deirdre teased, still drooped over like a tulip needing to be watered. Carlisle chuckled, kissing the back of her neck.

“Enough of that. You’ll make Emmett think I have a foot fetish.”

“Don’t you?” Deirdre breathed, exhausted and yet still trying to lighten the mood. Esme snorted.

“Little one, perhaps you should have a rest,” Carlisle murmured.

“After all that crying,” Deirdre finished the sentence. Carlisle looked at her pointedly, but Deirdre was too far away to be impacted by it.

“You can leave me here,” she said, eyes far away again.

Carlisle and Esme exchanged a glance. Carlisle was planning on talking to Rosalie, but perhaps it was best if that waited.

“Maybe later,” Carlisle said. “I think we all need a little rest, after that.”

Carlisle stood, and Deirdre pushed herself up enough to crawl into bed. She frowned at the ceiling, her eyebrows wrinkling together. Esme moved around the bed, rolling over to spoon Deirdre.

“What are we glaring at, sweetheart?” Carlisle asked. Deirdre’s frown twitched. Good. He could pull her out, even if she wanted to marinate her feelings. He scooped up her hand, kissing her palm and fingers until Deirdre’s eyes flicked to meet his, then returned to gaze upon the ceiling fan.

“Will you tell me what you’re thinking about?” he asked.

Deirdre wiggled her toes. “I’m a little pathetic,” she said softly. Her eyes moved from the ceiling to him. “But that’s okay with you, right?”

Esme was frozen. Carlisle didn’t want to look to his wife and seem like they were conspiring together for an appropriate response, so he answered his little human immediately. “I would never call you pathetic, Deirdre. You have a gentle soul, and I love that about you.”

“I love it, too,” Esme echoed, kissing Deirdre’s neck loudly until Deirdre started to squirm, her cheeks turning pink. Esme even left a hickey for good measure. She hadn’t realized before Deirdre how nice it felt to mark a mate. Sure, some vampires bit their mates, but Carlisle hated his scar from turning, so Esme had never broached the subject. She, however, loved her scar. To her, it was a gift from him. She hoped Deirdre like having hickies—Esme certainly enjoyed doling them out.

“Okay, but…” Deirdre began to argue. That was too bad. Esme was hoping she would be able to pull Deirdre directly into a hazy, lovey fog. Deirdre’s mind was still whirring.

“But nothing,” Carlisle interrupted, gently, firmly. “If you’d had a normal childhood, and were a little less traumatized, do you think you’d be calling yourself pathetic? Is it pathetic to be traumatized?”

Got her. Deirdre knew he had her there. She looked over at Esme.

“Listen to Carlisle,” his wife told their mate. Deirdre closed her eyes, breathed in deeply, and breathed out. Both vampires noticed how she relaxed, marginally.

“I want to play Truth or Dare,” she whispered. “Tomorrow.”

“I don’t like that idea,” Carlisle protested. Deirdre didn’t respond, and after a few minutes, the exhausted human was asleep again.

Chapter Text

Chapter 24

“Would you like me to show you that piece?”

I looked up at Nessie, her chocolate eyes warm as I combed through the pieces nearest to me for the one that would fit the hole I had in my corner of the puzzle.

“You’ve spotted it?” I asked her.

“A few minutes ago,” she admitted, continuing to lazily fit in the sky pieces, which were nearly all the same shade of blue.

“I can do it,” I said with no conviction. “There’s only… what? Two thousand sand pieces?”

Nessie giggled, continuing her slow, steady stream of filling in the sky. She had joined me about an hour ago. Esme had led the conversation for the first twenty minutes or so, and then trailed off so that Nessie and I were the ones left talking.

“Who bought this puzzle?” I asked. I was laying on my stomach on the floor of the main bedroom, working on a 5000 piece sandy beach puzzle with Nessie. I think she might have been guilted into helping me. Jacob downright refused to help after the first ten minutes, abandoning us for a cars magazine Rosalie had left lying around.

“Grandpa bought it,” she replied, as if that was going to make me suck it up.

“Well, Nessie,” I said, trying another sand piece. It didn't fit. “Your excellent grandpa has terrible taste in puzzles. Like, tell me a vampire picked this puzzle without telling me a vampire picked this puzzle. This thing is horrendous.” I sighed. “Well, no one’s perfect.”

Nessie grinned at me and handed over a piece.

“I was going to try this one next,” I claimed. She snorted.

“Sure, Deirdre. Sure.”

I twisted the piece around and tapped it in with my index finger. “There. Only… seven million left.”

“There’s only three thousand and twenty-nine left.”

I couldn't tell if she was pulling my leg or not. “Right. My bad.” I rested my head on my arms, letting my eyes close.

“Giving up?” she asked. I noticed her tone slowly became more playful the longer we talked. I guess my tone had matched. Esme had given me quite the pep talk after my nap, and I’m pretty sure my cheeks were still red from her telling me every way that I was perfect for them. Esme was sitting on the bed, brainstorming some ideas for designing something. I felt her gaze on us often, like a parent supervising a playdate.

“Resting my eyes,” I joked.

I heard footsteps, and I peeked to find Carlisle strolling into the room. He had a heaviness about him, but he tried to shed it as he crouched down.

“How’s this horrendous puzzle going?” he asked, yellowy eyes finding mine.

“Oh, it’s going, flittermouse” I said. Nessie grinned at him.

Carlisle picked up a few sand pieces and slotted them in. “Okay, enough,” I said with a laugh, pushing his hand away as he reached for more. I laughed, groaned, and put my head down before looking up at him. “Do you know how depressing it is for you to lean down, scoop up a handful of pieces, and slot them in? That would’ve taken me twenty minutes.”

“Or more,” Nessie teased.

“Hey!”

Carlisle pet my hair, shaking his head at me. “You two are enjoying yourselves?”

“Mhm,” Nessie hummed, picking up another piece.

“Yes, I’m enjoying spending time with your granddaughter. Even though I take it she drew the short straw.”

Jacob snorted and flipped his page while Nessie’s mouth fell open. “I—I did not!” she said quickly, brown eyes wide. “I just… I mean… who else is going to do the puzzle with you? It would be done in a minute, if it weren’t me or Jacob.”

“Maybe she drew the long straw,” Carlisle joked, sitting cross-legged. He couldn’t resist putting another piece into place.

“Ah yes, because of all the wonders this island has to offer, this horrendous puzzle ranks supreme.”

Carlisle poked my waist and I yelped. “We have other puzzles, Deirdre,” he said. His shoulders were beginning to lower as he relaxed. “I can grab you a different one.”

“No way,” I said, throwing a protective arm over my portion of the sand. “We’ve committed. Go big or go home.”

Nessie pursed her lips, trying to hide her smile.

Carlisle sighed dramatically. “Alright. If you must.”

He sat with us a little while longer. The longer we sat, the more serious he looked. His eyes were in the direction of the puzzle, but he had a faraway look. I scooped his hand up and kissed the back, relieved when his eyes flicked to meet time.

“It’s okay,” I told him quietly.

“What’s okay?”

“Whatever’s bothering you. It’ll be fine.”

He took a deep breath in and out. He ran a hand over my back, and after a while I wondered if the repetitive motion was more self-soothing than one destined to soothe me. I didn't complain, though. Carlisle had been so careful at first, and I enjoyed his touch too much to question him.

Nessie’s eyes flicked between us. “So, are you really going to play with us tomorrow?”

Carlisle’s hand paused.

“Mhm,” I hummed. “Unless I get chained up in the basement.”

Jacob’s wide eyes looked over the magazine at me. “Did that actually happen to you?”

“No, I said, sitting up before resting my head on Carlisle’s shoulder. I played with his hand, scanning the pieces nearest to me. “Not that it was unheard of. I left when I was seventeen, and I was still in school…” I said. I tapped a space I was having a hard time with, and Carlisle handed me the piece. “Thanks, flittermouse.”

Nessie pursed her lips and scanned me.

“You look just like your father when you make that expression,” I told her, tapping another spot for Carlisle. Nessie wrinkled her nose, like she didn’t enjoy being compared to her father. Hm.  Carlisle slotted in the piece.

“Do you miss the cult?” Nessie asked. Lucy had asked me the same thing, once.

“No,” I said, scanning the pieces. “I miss my sister, sometimes, but I don’t know if she is the person I remember anymore.”

“What’s her name?”

“Mara.”

“How old is she?”

“Twenty.”

“When’d you last talk to her?”

I felt a bit offput by the direction of the conversation, but things with Nessie were going well, so I forced myself to respond anyway. “Before I left. She was fourteen, almost fifteen. We’d always planned she would come with me, but she started changing her mind a few months before. The man they decided she’d marry she actually thought was handsome. She was better at fitting in than I was. People were nicer to her. She started to worry it would be hard for us out on our own. Which it was. I mean, compared to somewhere with three square meals and a warm bed.”

“You didn’t get along with the cult people?”

“No. I’m not even sure why. It wasn’t for lack of trying.”

Nessie’s eyebrows raised, and she exchanged a look with Carlisle before looking back at me. “You wanted them to like you?”

“Of course," I said, spining a puzzle piece in my fingers. "Would you rather be treated poorly or nicely?” My chest felt a little tight, and I forced myself to sit up so I could breathe a little better, even though it meant taking my head off Carlisle's shoulder. He put his arm around my waist and gave me a little squeeze.

“Why didn’t you run away sooner?”

“Nessie,” Jacob interrupted. She looked back at him, then back to me.

“Is that… rude to ask?” she asked, looking a little sheepish. I wondered if her people skills were rusty, living with vampires and all. I had the feeling she was probably indulged most of her childhood.

“Maybe a bit,” I admitted. “But it’s okay.” I swallowed. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go, or any money. I didn’t want to live on the street. We would bring homeless people meals sometimes, along with church pamphlets. I heard the horrible things that happened to many of them, from getting mugged to raped. I was fourteen when my parents fully joined, and Mara was eleven. So… yeah.”

Nessie slotted in a sky piece. “That makes sense,” she said. After a few quiet minutes, she added: “Sorry I asked like that.”

“It’s okay,” I reassured her. “Maybe we could talk about something else, for a while, though.”

Nessie nodded. We were all quiet for a few minutes. Carlisle started placing pieces closer to me, and I realized he was trying to improve my chances of finding the right piece. Nessie clicked her tongue. “Hm. Well, have you heard the rules from Truth-or-Dare?”

Jacob perked up from behind the magazine. “Alice keeps hyping it up. I’m sure it’s going to be some sort of… experience.”

Carlisle winced and I leaned into him. “They’re your children,” I reminded him.

“They’re Esme’s, too,” he added. Esme laughed from behind us.

“And yours, after the wedding,” Jacob said to me, wiggling his brows. I laughed.

“Oh God, I don’t think anyone’s going to be seeing me as a mom. Not even a fun aunt. More like… an annoying party guest that won’t take a hint.”

Jacob snorted.

“I wouldn’t say that,” Carlisle murmured, always looking out for my feelings.

“Well, I was going to go with whiny baby, but I thought that was perhaps a bit too self-deprecating after this morning.”

Carlisle squeezed me, and I heard Esme get up. She came and sat down with us, her fingers wrapping around my ankle. She leaned over and added a few more pieces to the puzzle.

“Is anyone going to tell me the Truth-or-Dare rules?” I asked, looking between the four people in the room.

Jacob sighed dramatically, closing the magazine, and setting it off to the side. “So, they can correct me if I’m wrong, but this is my understanding. No permanent damage or changes, or exchanges of goods. Nothing that could put the secret in jeopardy. Carlisle has veto…No sex, kissing is fine except near private parts. Everyone gets one pass. You have to wait two turns before asking someone again, so it couldn’t be, for example, me, you, and then me again. It could be me, Ness, you, me. A time limit is set at the beginning of the game, and everything has to take place during and stop at the time limit. Make sense?”

I nodded. “That’s an awful lot of rules for Truth-or-Dare.”

Carlisle looked ill at ease. “The rules have been… refined through the decades.”

I grimaced.

“Same, Deirdre.” Jacob said with a laugh. “I guess we’ll both see how this goes.”

“It won’t be so bad,” Nessie said confidently. “It was really fun last time, right Grandma?”

It was Esme’s turn to wince. “We kept things pretty tame for you last time, Nessie. You were still young.”

Nessie looked… scandalized. Her eyes widened on her sweet little face. “What? You never told me that!”

“Renesmee, you were three years old,” Carlisle said gently. “Your parents wanted to keep things appropriate.”

Nessie looked even more mad. She looked between her grandparents. “I was like a teenager, then!”

“Just because you were physically old enough does not mean you were mature enough,” Carlisle replied levelly, picking at the puzzle but looking at his granddaughter right in the eye.

“I was mature at three! Right Jacob?”

Jacob grimaced. “You sure were something, Ness.”

Nessie groaned in frustration. “I’ll be back,” she said, standing up and stomping out of the room. I heard the patio door slide open, and then Nessie was calling out “Mom!”

Jacob sighed and got up. “Well, see ya later,”

Nessie and Jacob gone, I assumed I had my fiancés at least partially to myself. “So… some of those rules seem kind of specific. Like, weirdly specific.”

“When I veto something, we usually make a new rule about it.” Carlisle explained, twirling a puzzle piece around his fingers.

“So people were daring other people to have sex?” I asked. I’m sure I looked a little nervous. Carlisle and Esme exchanged a glance, Carlisle making a face while Esme fought a smile.

“Rosalie once dared Edward to kiss Carlisle’s ass,” Esme admitted with a laugh. “That dare was vetoed.”

I looked between them, then burst out laughing. “Oh my God… Oh my God, that’s terrible,” I said between giggles. Esme pulled me close to her, while Carlisle gave me a pointed look, trying not to smile.

“I’m glad you think it’s funny,” Carlisle said.

“It’s really funny,” I whispered, then bust out laughing again. I laughed until tears rolled down my cheeks, and Carlisle wiped them away while I tried to breathe. My chest was still sore from my earlier cry session. That was probably why it was so funny to begin with.

“The no-sex part got tacked onto that rule, just in case,” Carlisle clarified. “A few people in our family have histories of sexual assault, so it was just easier to establish that while we were in discussions about other physical contact.”

I mulled that over. I knew of Esme’s past, but I had a sinking feeling she wasn’t the only one. I took her hand and kissed her palm. “The rest of the rules seem pretty ordinary. I like the one free pass thing.”

“Yes, that tends to get a little dicey,” Carlisle said. “But Jacob will throw things off, so Alice can’t see the future to know if there will be… worse questions later.”

I toyed with Esme’s wedding ring. “How close is everyone to the house?”

“Not close enough to hear,” Carlisle said. “Did you have a question?”

“No. I just wanted to say Nessie’s very nice. And so is Jacob. He reminds me of Lucy.”

Carlisle smiled. “Lucy and Jacob share a lot of the same good qualities.”

“Also, while no one’s around…” I said, starting to speak quieter, as if that would help. “Did you talk to Rosalie?”

Carlisle sighed. “Yes, I did.”

“How was that?” Esme asked, beating me to the punch.

Carlisle looked me over. “Stop editing,” I told him, using his line from months ago. He sighed.

“She’s not really upset with you. She’s upset with me, and with Esme. She does feel badly for being rude to you, and she plans to apologize to you for that.”

“Why is she mad at you two?” I asked, laying back against Esme.

“Well,” Carlisle began slowly. It was clear he didn't want to talk about it, but I looked at him expectantly, and after a pregnant pause, he continued. “Alice has told you before that Rosalie didn’t wish to become a vampire.”

“Yes. Alice said she was dying, though, when you turned her.”

“Yes, that’s right,” Carlisle said. His voice was soft, and something in his eyes… he felt guilty. “Rosalie is upset we pursued you, knowing that you will likely become a vampire as a result of our courtship. She feels it was selfish of us, especially since Esme and I already have one another.”

“When you say, likely to become a vampire,” I whispered. “Um, what are the other...possible outcomes?”

“Well,” Carlisle said heavily. “We could try our best to steer clear of other vampires for your natural life, and you could pass away from old age, if that was what you wanted.”

I frowned, my throat starting to burn—a sure sign tears were on the way. “You’d just let me die?”

“If that is what you wanted,” Carlisle said, his voice quiet. He looked… pained. “Deirdre, talk to us. I can see you’re upset.”

“I don’t want that,” I whimpered, trying to blink away the tears.

“Then we can change you, someday, when you’re ready,” Esme said, running her cool hands over my arms.

“Is that the plan?” I asked Carlisle.

“We haven’t made a plan yet, duckling. It would be your choice.”

“My choice, to become a vampire or not?”

“Yes.”

I looked back at Esme, who nodded to confirm. “So you really want to keep me around forever?”

“Forever and ever,” Esme said, kissing my cheek.

“As long as you want to become a vampire, yes,” Carlisle confirmed. He wiped away the tears still in my eyes, his gold eyes still assessing me. “Is that what you want, Deirdre?”

“Yes,” I said quietly.

“Alright,” Carlisle said. He was very solemn, but a sliver of relief was visible in his eyes.

“But we’re going to have kids first, right?”

Esme squeezed me. It felt nice, with my  “We can certainly try. There’s… a high likelihood that you would need to be changed shortly after giving birth. It is… very demanding on a human’s body.”

I just enjoyed the feeling of her holding me. “Huh? Oh, okay. Yeah, I think Carlisle said that before...”

“You’re distracting her, Es,” Carlisle teased.

“Shush,” I mumbled. “If Esme wants to distract me, that’s her prerogative.”

Esme chuckled, her mouth buzzing against my neck. I shivered and pulled her arms tighter around me.

“Do we have a wedding date, yet?” I asked, surprised I could still form sentences as Esme’s hands roamed over me. She gave me another hickey on my neck and I clamped a hand over my mouth to muffle the moan.

Carlisle’s smile was small, but his eyes were alight with something… Attraction, I realized. Lust? It felt weird to call Carlisle lusty.

“Lusty old man,” I whispered.

His eyes flashed wide, and he let out a surprised laugh. “Deirdre!”

Esme cackled behind me.

“Was I wrong?” I asked him, grinning like a fool and proud I’d made him laugh. He’d been so serious since we got back from our swim this morning. Supervising me and his children seemed to be putting some stress on him, and the seen-some-shit older vampire seemed to be out in full force, leaving my sweet, slow-dancing Carlisle behind. It probably didn’t help that I’d flushed my medication and turned into a yarn ball of nerves. Part of his misery was my fault, then. I tried to reach for his face with my hands, but he took my wrists and held me back.

I licked my lips. “So, when are you marrying me, old man?”

“It was supposed to be May, but all of a sudden I’m thinking about April.”

“April?” I gasped. “Oh God, that’s like, four months away!”

“Did you want a winter wedding?” Carlisle asked. “We may still risk some snow if we move to April. It’ll have to be late April.”

“I don’t really care about the weather,” I said honestly. I just want you. And Esme, without it being weird that you're missing. “Alice seems quite set on having an actual wedding, though.”

Carlisle pressed a chaste kiss to one of my trapped palms. “You’re being a very good sport about letting Alice have her fun.”

“As long as she doesn’t send me down the aisle in those dowdy pyjamas or in lingerie, I’ll be fine.”

“You don’t like the lingerie?” he asked, fingers stroking the inside of my palm. It tickled, and I shivered.

“Not in front of your kids,” I responded. “That’s a bit weird, even if they’re not biologically yours, and even if they’re all older than me.”

Carlisle looked at me through his eyelashes. “They are Esme’s kids, too.”

“I know. Pretty sure that how parents work, most of the time,” I teased.

Carlisle pouted, squeezing my hand. “Why is it that I, alone, am the target of your elderly jokes?”

“Because you’re the only one who acts their age,” I said with a grin. “All… three hundred years plus.”

Esme laughed. “Oh duckling, tell him you don’t mean it.”

“I don’t mean it, flittermouse,” I promised, taking his hand. “You like to tease me all the time. It’s only fair.”

“I cannot recall the last time I teased you,” he argued, still his good-natured self.

I snorted, turning to look at Esme. “Can you believe that?”

Esme grinned at both of us, shaking her head. I squeezed Carlisle’s hand again. “I’ll stop with the jokes, if they bother you. I just like them because they make you smile.” I traced the lines on his palm. “And for the record, you teased me this morning when I took my shirt off from over my bathing suit, at the waterfall.”

“Ah, yes,” Carlisle smiled fondly. “If I’m not mistaken, you also called me a prude right after.”

“Well, you are!” I whined. “Making me wait for April or May—you’re a sadist, too!”

Carlisle’s eyes bugged out, and Esme laughed so hard she had to let me go, walking away to try to compose herself.

Once Carlisle had recovered from shock, he looked almost bashful. “I apologize for making you wait, Deirdre.”

I covered my face, groaning. “I’m sorry, it’s really okay, I promise. I just can’t stop teasing you. It must be some sort of nervous response.”

Carlisle collected me in his arms, his expression patient and amused as he peeled back my hands. “Flight, fight, freeze, or tease?”

Esme burst into a fresh round of giggles from across the room.

“Good thing you love me,” I whispered. I wanted desperately for him to affirm it for me, after all the teasing I’d done.

“It’s a good thing I love you,” he said back, nuzzling my nose with his before kissing my forehead. “And it’s a good thing I’m feeling merciful today. And it’s a good thing you put your foot down about spankings, or you’d have quite the red bum, little one.”

I felt my cheeks light up like a traffic light. “Carlisle,” I complained, squirming. His cool hand brushed the hair away from my face and I looked at him, eyes wide, swallowing.

His eyes were like two vials of liquid gold, and I felt a little hypnotized as he spoke, his hand caressing my jaw. “Hm. It’s almost like you maybe miss your spankings, Deirdre. You’ll have to ask very nicely if you want them back. I felt rather guilty when you said I hurt you.”

“I was really upset when I said that,” I whispered, my voice staying quiet to match his own quiet, calm tone.

“I know you were. But were you being honest?”

I thought for a while. It was hard when he was looking at me like that. “The first time was kind of scary, but the other times felt really good…. Like I was absolved. And that you wouldn’t let me be a silly goose, or hurt myself.”

“Thank you for being honest, duckling.” Carlisle said. “When we get home, we can continue this conversation, alright?”

“Okie dokie,” I whispered. Esme sat on the edge of the bed, practically purring as she watched the two of us. “I love you,” I added.

“I love you, too,” Carlisle said. His hand settled in my hair. “Nessie is stomping back to the house. Perhaps it’s time for lunch.”

Esme whipped up a lunch of salad and sandwiches. Jacob ate three times what Nessie and I did combined, and I got a better understanding of his appetite. Bella and Edward started a game of chess while we waited. They were speaking quietly to one another and making googly eyes at each other. Whatever they were saying made Nessie fake vomit. It was too quiet for me to hear, so I just smiled and shook my head. Esme had put a little too much mayo on my sandwich, but I would rather cut off my left leg than tell her so.

“I was thinking of going for a swim,” Jacob said, leaning back in his chair. “I’m sure I saw a few life vests around here. We could find one for you,” he offered.

“Sure,” I said. “But don’t we have to wait an hour?”

“That’s just a myth, sweetheart,” Esme said, taking my empty plate. “We should, however, put some sunscreen on you before we go outside.”

“You too, Nessie,” Edward called from the couch.

“I won’t burn as bad a Deirdre,” Nessie complained.

“You’ll still burn,” Bella replied. “And Deirdre’s used most of the aloe, I’ve heard.”

Oopsies. I grimaced, and Nessie sighed heavily. Was that how I seemed to Carlisle and Esme when I refused sunscreen? A petulant child? I needed to work on that.

Jacob and Nessie went to get changed, and I went to do the same, twisting and contorting myself into my wet swimsuit from this morning. My only dry swimsuit was the red bikini, and I had told myself it would not see the light of day here. Or the light of the moon here. It was staying in the suitcase.

Carlisle walked into the bedroom just as I was opening the sunscreen.

“If it wouldn’t offend your sensibilities…” I began, polite as I could be when asking my prudish vampire lover to rub me all over with smelly lotion.

Carlisle snorted, holding out a hand to reel me in to him. “Come here, Deirdre.”

I squirted some sunscreen into my palm to start working on my face and chest, then passed him the bottle. Carlisle took the tube from me and began applying the sunscreen to my shoulders, my back, and then down my legs.

“I take it you’ve never swam in the ocean,” Carlisle said as he worked. He couldn’t seem to resist pushing his thumb into the tense muscles in the back of my calf. I barely suppressed a moan.

“Mmmm…nope.”

“The waves can pull and push you. You’ll have your life jacket, and we’ll be there, too. If a wave goes over you, you’ll pop back up after a few seconds, alright? And we’ll be there to pull you out, too, if you need us.”

“Okay,” I murmured, suddenly feeling less confident. Carlisle pushed his thumb into my other calf and I let out a groan.

“Holy Jesus, Carlisle,” I said before slapping my hand over my mouth. I heard laughter from the other room.

“They are laughing because it sounds like I’m touching you inappropriately,” he explained, though he didn’t need to.

It was my turn to snort. “I wish.”

This made Jacob laugh, and I heard Nessie yell “Gross!”

“Deirdre,” Carlisle chided, but his heart wasn’t really into it.

“Sorry, Nessie,” I called. Carlisle rose and spun me around so he could apply sunscreen to any parts I’d seemed to miss. I hadn’t applied enough to my ear, and the side of my jaw, and the top of one of my thighs.

“You’re coming too, right?” I asked.

“Of course,” he assured, kissing my temple. “I’m going to change,” he said, letting me go. “Bring the sunscreen with you. We might need to reapply it in a little while.”

I walked back out to the main room and balked to find Rosalie and Emmett sitting on the couch, as well as Alice and Jasper. Everyone was wearing swimsuits, as if we had all agreed to a swim schedule.

“Deirdre Woods, are you ever going to wear that bikini I bought you?” Alice asked from atop Jasper’s lap. She was wearing a black bikini which left little to the imagination, and big pale pink sunglasses in the shape of hearts. Jasper had black swim trunks on, and his chest gleamed with silvery scars.

Apparently, I still had a little bit of the fight-flight-freeze-tease in me. Maybe it should be fight-flight-freeze-tease-talk back. “Probably not,” I told her, “But I said that when you bought it.”

Alice sighed dramatically. “You’d be really cute in it,” she whined. Jasper smiled at his mate, shaking his head.

“Alice,” Esme called a warning, coming up the basement steps carrying a life vest and a sunhat.

“I’m just saying,” she pouted.

I could feel Rosalie watching me again, but I was too chicken to look at her as I accepted the hat and vest. Esme also procured my sunglasses from somewhere and slid them onto my face.

“I feel like the Michelin man,” I told her, trying not to let my voice waver. “If the Michelin man was going to the beach.”

“Hush, Deirdre,” Esme tutted, smiling as she grabbed one of the straps of my life jacket and pulled so I was close to her. She lifted the brim of my hat, tilted her head, and kissed me. I was still buzzy and nervous, but it helped.

“Carlisle did a good job with your sunscreen,” she said, rubbing her thumb over my jaw.

“Guess he wants my farmer’s tan to be permanent,” I said.

I heard Carlisle huff playfully behind me, then the sound of the bedroom door closing. “Your tan will fade. Sun damage is sun damage, though, DeeDee.”

“I’m just joking,” I said. I felt his cool hand on my shoulder before he bent around and kissed my cheek.

“I know.” He assured.

Rosalie scoffed from the couch, and I froze.

“Rosalie, if you have an issue, perhaps you could air it using your words.” Carlisle said. I turned a fraction to peek at her from behind Carlisle. I wasn’t sure if I liked the way he phrased that. A shut the fuck up, Rosalie certainly wouldn’t make my heart hurt. I knew Carlisle wasn’t really like that, though. Edward smiled as he met my eyes. Please don’t tell him I thought that.

“Does she ever disobey you?” she asked him directly. She was wearing a dark green swimsuit. A bikini. She looked like she was ready for a Sports Illustrated photoshoot, and I looked like I was going to waddle into a kiddie pool.

“How do you think she got sunburned in the first place?” Carlisle asked, his voice remaining soft as he argued with her. I wondered if that was for my benefit. It did make me feel better, honestly. He was a gentle person, and yelling didn't suit him. “Or did you believe that I was unaware a human with pale skin, freckles, and blue eyes would burn after extended exposure to the sun in a tropical climate? Furthermore, Deirdre is not a slave or a dog. She didn't disobey me or Esme: she didn't listen."

Rosalie pursed her lips, her eyes locking on me as Carlisle finished his speech. I reached behind me to grab onto Esme, who quickly provided her hand and stepped closer to me.

“You’re allowed to disagree with him, with both of them. You know that, right?” Rosalie asked. Her tone wasn’t as pointed this morning. It almost sounded like she was worried.

“I know that,” I said. “Doesn’t Emmett agree with you, most of the time?”

“That’s a fair point,” Edward said.

“Shut up, Edward,” Rosalie growled, scowling at her ‘brother’.

“Edward,” Bella said tiredly. He closed his mouth from whatever he was going to add on.

“What do you even do all day?” Rosalie asked, twisting on the couch to face me completely. “Other than puzzles and cuddling with Esme and not having sex with Carlisle?”

Moving onto full-on fight phase. “Not much,” I shot back, my burst of anger fueled by my nerves. “Is that a crime now?”

Emmett chortled, which he tried to hide with a cough. Jasper was pursing his lips, and Alice was biting her lip. Bella’s brows were raised, but Edward didn’t seem as surprised as his mate.

I heard a door open behind us.

“How much longer are you all going to fight?” Nessie asked. Carlisle pulled me closer to him.

“We’re not fighting,” Rosalie said, softening as her niece walked into the room.

“I like Deirdre, Auntie Rose,” Nessie said, crossing her arms.

“I… don’t dislike her,” Rosalie responded to Nessie, before looking at me. “Really, I don’t, Deirdre. I’m sorry I’m being such a bitch to you… I just don’t get why you’d choose this.”

I opened my mouth to say I didn’t, it just happened to me, but I had a feeling that would go over poorly. “I’m happy with how things have turned out,” I said quietly. I knew she’d hear, anyway. Esme squeezed my hand. Reassurance? Or was she happy with what I’d said?

“That’s easy to say now. But what about in five years? Fifteen? Fifty? A hundred? Forever is a long time, Deirdre. You’ve known them not even five months.”

Everyone was quiet a second. I didn’t know if anyone expected me to reply. I didn’t have one.

“Whelp, I’m going swimming,” Jacob announced.

“Me too,” Nessie said, sounding a little unnerved.

“A little sun would do us all good,” Esme said, giving me a little push. Alice slipped off of Jasper’s lap, and he rose. Emmett and Rosalie stood as well, and Bella and Edward.

“I think Ma means just a little sun, Deirdre,” Emmett said with a grin. “Don’t forget the sunscreen.”

Carlisle pulled the tube out of his swimming trunk pocket.

The vampires who weren’t slowed down by a hybrid or a human zipped down to the beach in a blink of an eye. Edward and Bella waited around for their daughter to put on sandals. Jacob waited, too. And Carlisle and Esme hovered around me, like two nervous planets orbiting a star on the verge of collapse.

“I’m fine,” I told them. “Seriously, I’m fine.”

Maybe if I said it enough, I would believe it.

Chapter Text

Chapter 25

But what about in five years? Fifteen? Fifty? A hundred? Forever is a long time, Deirdre. Deirdre. Deirdre?

“Deirdre?”

I blinked and shook my head a little. Esme frowned, her sparkling lips pulling down, barely contrasting with her sparkling face. Looking at her made my eyes burn.

“Pardon?” I asked.

“You need some more sunscreen.”

“Already?”

“It’s been an hour.”

I looked around the beach. There were a few abandoned towels, but no one close by.

“Nessie and Jacob went in for snacks a few minutes ago. Edward and Bella went off on their own to go ‘diving’, and Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie, and Alice are way over there, playing Chicken Fight.” Esme said.

I looked behind me and found Carlisle a few metres away, sitting on the dock with a camera in his hand. The camera was lowered, like he wasn’t currently taking pictures.

The sun was also in a totally different spot.

Esme touched my forehead.

“I’m fine,” I told her.

“You don’t seem fine,” Esme said. She glanced over at Carlisle.

“Duckling, you’ve been bobbing in the water, in your own world, for the last twenty-five minutes,” he said.

It was hard to look at either of them long, even with sunglasses on. “I’m okay,” I said weakly. Shoot. Esme put her hands on her hips and I knew I hadn’t fooled them. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” Esme said. “Edward asked Bella to shield you before he got a headache. Then they left.”

“Edward’s a bit melodramatic,” I said, even though I’d never witnessed this firsthand. Alice had told me so. Esme reeled me in, her arms encircling my waist. I tilted my head back to look at her, and felt nervous to meet her gaze. With her face so close to mine, shielded by the brim of my hat, her face returned to normal.

“Deirdre, what’s bothering you?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I insisted.

“That’s not true,” Esme insisted. “Is what Rosalie said bothering you?” she asked. I opened my mouth to respond, to say yes, a little, it’s only been five months… when she continued. “I can find a little job for you to do for me, if you’d like. I really wish you wouldn’t worry about it, but I get the feeling working is important to you.”

I felt my shoulders sag, which she seemed to interpret as relief. Esme kissed me, her lips buzzing with a chuckle. She kissed me again once, twice, then pulled me closer to hug. “You can just say so, sweetheart. You know we’d do anything for you.”

I peeked over Esme’s shoulder. Carlisle snapped a picture of us, but his face was stoic. I’m pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. He didn’t believe me.

“Can we go in?” I asked, pulling back from Esme and pulling my eyes away from Carlisle. Maybe Nessie and Jacob could take some of the pressure off of me.

“Sure, honey,” Esme agreed easily, one cool hand caressing my cheek.

The evening passed with little fanfare. Nessie and Alice and I sat on the floor of the main bedroom. Nessie and I worked on the puzzle while Alice tried different hairstyles on me, sighing heavily a lot.

“If you and Jacob weren’t coming to the wedding, this would be a lot easier,” Alice grumbled.

“Alice,” Nessie and I chided at the same time. Nessie rolled her eyes at her aunt.

“I don’t think Carlisle and Es are going to call off the whole thing if I come down the aisle in the wrong hairstyle,” I told her.

“They might,” Alice huffed.

“Maybe we should just elope, then,” I said. Alice’s grip on my hair tightened a fraction. I let out an involuntary yelp, and I opened my mouth to call for Esme just before Alice’s hand covered my lips.

“Whoops! Sorry,” she said, patting my shoulder with her hand over my mouth. I froze, my feelings of discomfort turning to dread at her touch. “But no, you’re not eloping,” she declared cheerfully. “So don’t even think about it.”

I pulled my hands back into my lap as she twisted and pulled at my hair. I didn’t know how to tell her I was deeply uncomfortable, and I suddenly wished Esme hadn’t left me alone with her. Nessie watched me and her aunt with a frown.

Alice seemed to have realized she pushed me a bit too far. “One more hairstyle, and then I’ll give you your Christmas present,” Alice said.

“Christmas present?” I asked.

“Yep!”

“Alice, you didn’t have to—”

“Well, it was actually Jasper’s idea. And it was free, technically speaking. Actually, it’s already yours.”

I frowned, mulling that over while she shook my hair out and started braiding and twisting all over again. After a few minutes, the torture was over and Alice got up and zipped away.

Nessie sighed, setting in another puzzle piece. “You’re awfully patient, Deirdre,”

“Yeah, let’s call it patience,” I said, standing up slowly on my fast-asleep legs. I covered my mouth to yawn, and Nessie and I walked back in the main room to find Alice.

Everyone was there except Jacob, Bella and Edward. Alice was practically vibrating on Jasper’s lap, holding something large and square and flat, like a large book. It was wrapped in tissue paper.

“I was going to give it to you before,” Alice said, smiling brightly. “But I wanted to pull a few favours out of you. Here,” she said. I had to walk past Rosalie and Emmett, which felt kind of like exposure therapy. Nessie settled on the couch arm by Rosalie as I took my gift from Alice. Whatever the ‘gift’ was, it was solid. I took it over to where Carlisle and Esme were sitting, plopping myself down on Carlisle’s lap. That was what he got for leaving me unsupervised with Alice.

“Just rip it,” Alice insisted, bouncing in Jasper’s arms. Jasper smiled at his mate, and then at me. I pinched the tissue paper and pulled it away from the cover of the object.

“Oh God,” I whispered.

Alice laughed nervously. “Is that a good Oh God?”

“Give her a minute, Ally,” Jasper murmured.

“What is it?” Rosalie asked. I wasn’t sure if she was asking me, or Alice and Jasper.

“Is it a scrapbook?” Esme asked.

I felt like I was going to be sick. Esme leaned her cool cheek against my shoulder.

“Can I look?” she asked. I handed it over to her. She tucked her feet under herself, sitting closer to Carlisle and me. She removed the rest of the sage green tissue paper, balling it up and setting it aside. The scrapbook had a cloth cover, like an old-fashioned hardcover book. It was pale blue and white, a checkered pattern. Someone had tried to clean the cover, but you could still see a brown ring where my grandpa had once used it as a coaster for his coffee mug.

She flipped it open, and there were two pictures: me, looking like a little potato of a newborn, wrapped up in that hospital blanket everyone gets, and me, as a newborn with both my parents. They looked so young there. And happy. That wasn’t how I remembered them. On the inside cover was my grandmother’s neat cursive listing my name, birth date, and birth weight.

I felt Esme look at me. I could feel myself shutting down, and I couldn’t even say anything to her to ask her to stop. For the first time, I wished Edward was there to read my thoughts and intervene.

Esme flipped the page, the next showing me getting slightly bigger, in my grandma’s lap as she played cards, another with my grandpa smoking and me fast asleep in his arm with his sunglasses on my tiny face. Me in a pumpkin costume for Halloween. Me behind a 1^st birthday cake.

Esme flipped the page. There was a picture of me with Santa. Me standing, holding my grandma’s hand. A 2^nd birthday picture, and an easter picture. A Halloween picture of me, in the pumpkin costume, fast asleep with chocolate all over my face.

“You were a cute kid,” Esme said, giving me a little nudge with her elbow.

“Yeah, what happened, Deirdre?” Emmett joked.

“Emmett,” Carlisle chided.

“Can I see?” Nessie asked, craning her neck.

“Let Deirdre think about it,” Esme said, tilting the book a little more to hide the contents from curious eyes. Alice and Jasper weren’t curious, though—they’d obviously looked through the whole thing. I tried to remember the later entries, but I couldn’t remember much past my grandparents’ funerals.

Esme flipped the page. There was Mara, and me holding her. My first day at school picture. Then it became school pictures, with occasional other things. A paper snowflake. A certificate I won for the character trait of the month—kindness. A soccer team picture. Me and Mara eating junk food at the county fair. Mara dressed up as a pumpkin, and me as a ghost. A Thanksgiving craft, where I wrote about being thankful for my family. A picture of my dad helping me get a fish off a hook. Me and Mara, asleep in a tent. Me standing on a milk crate, stirring something on the stove. Movie tickets. Me and Mara, sitting in mismatched pyjamas, holding our humble Christmas haul and beaming at the camera like we were the luckiest girls in the world. Me and Mara asleep on the couch. Me and Mara wearing dark clothing and sitting with our grandma, who was trying not to cry. Me and Mara, slightly taller, wearing the same dark clothing, now slightly too small for us, and eating funeral sandwiches. Mara, mid cartwheel, and me sitting against a tree, reading a book. Me, sitting beside a thick stack of library books. I had to be twelve-ish there. A Christmas concert setlist. Me, sitting behind a birthday cake for my thirteenth birthday. Then, the horrible dresses. Pictures where my mom and I smiled, but neither of us were happy. A picture of me peeling potatoes with a bandaid on my thumb. A picture of my dad, grinning with his new wife and kids, and me and Mara off on the side. We were holding hands, and we both had circles under our eyes. All the boys were wearing dress shirts and pants, and all the girls had their hair tied up, in dresses with long sleeves, high necks, long skirts, and ugly penny loafers. A picture of me standing beside John-David, which his hand on the back of my neck. He was smiling, but I was not. A picture of me reading a Bible in my cot, dressed in a nightgown, with choppy hair and dark circles under my eyes.

Esme traced that picture with her finger, then looked over at me, eyes wide. “Deirdre?”

Carlisle squeezed my arms. “Let’s put that away for now,” he said quietly, reaching over to close the scrapbook.

“Jesus, what kind of shit’s in there?” Rosalie asked. I couldn’t even look at her. I couldn’t look at any of them.

Alice huffed. “Most of it’s good! She was supposed to like it. I checked and everything!”

“She looks like she’s going to throw up, Alice,” Rosalie said.

“Is there cult stuff in there?” Nessie asked, looking between me and Alice.

“Obviously there’s something disturbing in there. Alice, why would you consider that a present?” Rosalie asked. That’s what I wanted to know too.

“She liked it in every future I checked!” Alice complained, her voice getting shrill. “It’s not my fault Nessie is here!”

“Hey!” Nessie interjected. Rosalie patted Nessie’s knee.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Esme said, calmly interrupting her children’s bickering as she set the book aside. She stood up and took my hands, pulling me up with her. “Come here, my darling. It’s alright.” She hugged me. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. It felt like I had a fresh, fist-sized hole ripped into my chest.

Esme moved faster than my brain could pick up, setting me down on the bed. My limbs touched the covers before I even realized she’d removed me from the living room. “Alice is still apologizing.”

“It’s okay, Alice,” I whispered, crawling under the covers and turning on my side, away from Esme and her sad, curious eyes. She rubbed my back.

I heard the door close softly, and then a moment later, Carlisle was sitting by my feet. I could feel his eyes on me like a physical touch. “Would you like to talk about it?”

I wasn’t sure exactly what he meant by it, specifically. The book? My hair? The cult? Some other picture on a later page? “No.”

“Alright.”

No one said anything. I felt Carlisle’s hand rest on my ankle, and Esme rubbed my shoulder. I swallowed. “Can we get rid of it?”

“Yes,” Carlisle said. “But why don’t we wait a few weeks, first? I don’t want you to regret it.”

“I won’t.”

“Okay,” he said softly. “I’d still like to wait. Would you like me to put it in the basement, for the time being?”

I swallowed, tracing the pattern on the blanket with my finger. “Yes, please.”

Carlisle patted my foot, then got up from the bed. Esme tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear, and I shuddered.

“Sorry,” she whispered.

“No, s’okay,” I mumbled, closing my eyes as tears started to form. I schooled my breathing, trying to push away the memories that threatened to suck me into a full-blown cry fest. I did the square breathing Carlisle had taught me, and then I visualized the memory of us dancing in the living room, before the rest of the family had arrived on the island. When he had taught me the strategy weeks ago, I had been using a memory of the three of us cuddled up in bed while he read Esme and I a story. But I liked the dancing memory better. There were more details to pull from.

A minute later, he returned, taking his seat again.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“You’re very welcome, duckling.”

We sat for a long time, quietly. I pulled my legs up, then immediately shot out a hand to regain touch with Carlisle. He took my hand.

“I was thinking we could go for a walk,” Carlisle said, “Or a boat ride.”

“No diving?” I tried to joke.

Carlisle kissed the back of my hand. “No diving.”

I considered for a little while. “Could we go for a boat ride?”

Esme got up and returned a second later with a sweater. “Let’s go.”

By the time Esme cut the engine, I couldn’t see where Isle Esme was. The sky was inky black, punctuated with stars and a crescent moon. The waves were fairly calm, gently rocking the boat, a shimmery black blanket.

“If there’s anything you want to ask me before Truth or Dare,” I said, “Now’s probably the time.”

Carlisle’s hand held onto one of the straps of my life jacket, keeping me tethered to him. I heard Esme’s steps around the boat, and then she was sitting on my other side. She rested her arms on the railing, like I did, and then looked out on the water.

“Don’t let any of the questions stress you,” Esme said. “I haven’t heard any scheming, but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear questions for you such as who is more attractive between Carlisle and I, the worst thing that happened to you in the cult, your most vulgar sexual fantasy—”

“Ew,” I interjected. “Why would they want to know that?”

Esme ran a hand down my back. “I know Carlisle and I speak of them as our children, but they are all adults, Deirdre. I would say we occasionally know more about their sex lives than we always care to.”

Carlisle laughed. “That’s a nice way to put it, my love,” he said to her.

“Alice knows your lingerie sizes,” I told her.

“Alice knows everyone’s sizes,” Carlisle replied, kissing my temple.

I sighed, thinking for a little while. “I find you both attractive, obviously. You’re beautiful,” I said, turning to Esme. She really was, her pale skin practically glowing. “And you’re handsome,” I said to Carlisle. “It’s probably not a secret that I’m currently dying for Carlisle to jump my bones, though.”

Esme giggled in my ear and Carlisle smiled, shaking his head at the pair of us.

“You already know the worst of the cult stuff,”” I said. “It wasn’t always big horrible things. It was just little stuff, all of the time. They cut a bunch of my hair off, once. You saw the picture.”

“We did,” Carlisle said, petting my hair. “What was that about?”

I stared off at the water as my throat closed up. I’d always liked my hair, even when it was curly and wavy and unmanageable. It had been even worse when they cut it: all the women had their hair tied back, except for me. For months. After a few minutes, I realized I had never answered Carlisle. I peeked at him, and he was watching me. I swallowed. “There was a boy who said I kissed him. I didn’t, because, you know… gross. He admitted he lied a few days later, but they had already cut my hair. It’s supposed to be a symbol of feminine beauty and purity or something, and they considered me a harlot. It was kind of humiliating, but it wasn’t like I was going to die.”

Esme wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed my shoulder. “It’s still an awful thing to do, darling.”

I yawned, glancing at Carlisle before looking out on the ocean. “I can’t think of anything else really bad. I got called a whore a lot. I got quizzed on the Bible a lot and almost never knew the answers. I tried to read it, memorize it, but nothing would stick…”

Esme let out a shaky breath beside me. I looked over at her, surprised to find her mouth pulled into a frown, her eyes scrunched up. She was going to cry, I realized, and instinctually I pulled her to me.

“Sorry,” she said, crying as I collected her into my arms. “I just know how horrible… how trapped… I mean, I don’t know, but I imagine it’s not unlike… I’m sorry Deirdre, I’m not trying to make this about me....”

I squeezed her as tight as I could. “I’d never think that, Es,” I assured her, rubbing her back while she tucked her face into my neck. Is this how they felt when I cried? I felt sad for her, but also comforted that I could hold her and soothe her. “I’m alright now,” I said. “Well, maybe not alright,” I admitted with a laugh. “But at least safe. And loved. And I love you. And I love Carlisle.”

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too, Deirdre,” Carlisle said.

I patted Esme’s back for a while, thinking about how she’d often pat mine. Maybe I needed to pat Carlisle’s back too, sometime. He’d been really stressed lately.

“I don’t understand Alice,” I said quietly, trying to get us onto something different. Between being mortified in front of their ‘children’ and getting blasts from the past, I was worn out. “From the nightgown to the bikini… That’s the whole range of modesty.”

Carlisle chuckled, indulging my change of topic. “I don’t know if it’s a modesty thing, so much as her catering to our tastes instead of yours.”

“Ah, that’s right,” I hummed, shaking my head. Esme still looked miserable—she hadn’t jumped onto my conversational U-turn like Carlisle had. “Lay down,” I murmured, patting my lap. Esme pulled back, smiled sadly, still breathing unevenly from crying, and carefully laid her head down on my lap. I stroked her hair, looking out into the dark. I brushed my fingers over her face, my mind desperately trying to figure out how to soothe her. “My current dirtiest sexual fantasy is having missionary sex with Carlisle where he looks me in the eye and tells me he loves me. You’re there too, of course,” I told Esme. Esme giggled, and it made me grin, and I glanced at Carlisle, who was leaning on his hand and shaking his head slightly at me.

“I want that too, Deirdre,” he said. “Soon, my darling.”

“It probably does feel soon to you,” I said. “It feels like eons to me.”

“You’ve been very patient,” he said.

I sighed. “I don’t feel like I’m being patient. I feel like I’m being really annoying, actually.” I looked at him guiltily. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, duckling,” he assured. His eyes, a dark honey, twinkled. “It’s actually very flattering.”

I rolled my eyes, stroking Esme’s cheek. “You don’t need me to tell you that you’re incredibly handsome. The women at the hospital were all scheming on how to get you to ask them on a date, when you first came.”

“I don’t care about their opinion like I do about yours,” he said.

I held out my hand, and he took it in his cold one. I shivered, and he rubbed the top of my hand with his free hand, hoping the friction would help.

“Last call for things you should tell me before Truth or Dare,” I told him.

“Do you really think we’re keeping things from you?” Carlisle asked, using his gentle doctor voice that always made me feel fuzzy and silly and taken care of. I winced.

“You did drug me without my permission.”

“We agreed that was for your benefit.”

“Yes, after I found out.”

Esme stirred in my lap, and I turned back to her, caressing her face until she sighed and relaxed again.

“It was never my intention to be deceitful,” Carlisle said, squeezing my hand and penetrating my soul with his sweet eyes. “You were so anxious and frightened, Deirdre. Intense fear and anxiety like that can alter your brain.”

I frowned, thinking he was full of bullshit. I opened my mouth to push back but he continued.

“You’re twenty-three. You’ve been experiencing near-constant fear and stress since you were fourteen. That’s ten years straight of stress. What that does is prime your brain for survival. Several studies have show it can actually increase the size of your amygdala to compensate for all its use. Memory, processing, communication… these areas can suffer.”

I felt my chest tighten. I looked at him for a few long minutes. His beautiful, handsome face was sad, and his gaze held mine. “So, I have brain damage?”

Esme trapped my hand that was on her face in hers, fingers tightening before I could pull away. I felt like throwing myself off the boat. They were already so beautiful, intelligent, caring... I was caring. Kind. They liked those things about me. But I couldn’t help but feel even more inferior. And helpless.

“Much of it can be rectified,” Carlisle said gently. “You are still an intelligent, sensitive young woman, Deirdre. Nothing would ever change that. That being said, it pains me to watch you be stressed and anxious, beyond the level of being able to cope in a healthy manner. I know you believe my actions to be underhanded, however, seeing how things have gone over the last few days, I firmly believe it is in your best interest if I tend to your medical needs.” He smiled sadly. “That’s really all it is—just your medical needs. I’m a doctor, duckling. You should let me take care of you.”

I felt uneasy in the pit of my stomach. Esme sat up.

“Deirdre,” Carlisle murmured, changing his hands so that he could brush his fingers over my cheek. “This is what I mean. We’re in love, my darling girl. It should not pain you so much to trust me.”

“Has Carlisle ever hurt you?” Esme asked.

“What? Of course not!” I said quickly, turning to her in shock. Well, actually, there were the spankings… But I was starting to miss those. Kind of. Maybe?

“Exactly,” she said lightly, wiping the tear from the corner of my eye with little fanfare. “You’re a good girl, Deirdre, and you will always be safe with us as long as you listen.”

I nodded, my throat feeling tight. “I don’t like being anxious,” I admitted, my voice a bit high. I felt like I was trying to promise I could change.

“Of course you don’t, sweetheart,” Esme said, taking my cheeks and pulling me in for a kiss. She pet my hair, then ran a hand from my shoulder to my hip. “No one likes to be anxious. We don’t like it when you’re anxious either. It makes Carlisle anxious.”

I winced and turned to Carlisle. “Sorry, flittermouse.”

“It’s alright, my love. Just promise me you’re let me help you, now.”

I wiped my tears. “I promise.”

“Thank you,” he murmured solemnly, like I had given him something precious. His hand held my cheek, and I leaned into it. Soon, my eyelids were beginning to shut.

“Bedtime for ducklings,” Carlisle declared. “Would you like to drive home?” he asked Esme.

“Yes, I would,” Esme replied. My eyes were closed, but I could hear the joy in her voice as she accepted the offer. I was glad she was feeling better. She pecked my cheek. A moment later, the engine of the boat rumbled back to life.

I woke up a little as Carlisle and Esme helped me into pyjamas.

“Love you,” I mumbled as they tucked me in. I felt kisses on my cheek and forehead.

“We love you too,” Carlisle murmured.

“Always,” Esme promised.

“Have a… good night.”

“We will,” Esme whispered. “Sweet dreams.”

I woke up early again. I pulled back the covers, yawning before walking over to the bathroom. Completing my human tasks, I got dressed in green linen pants and a pretty grey top Alice had brought me.

Opening the door, I expected to find at least one of my fiancés. Unfortunately, it was Rosalie who peered at me from her spot on the couch.

“Morning,” she said. She didn’t seem as hostile as the day before. “The boys went to check out a reef Jasper found a few miles out. Esme and Bella and Alice went for a little boat ride. Ness and Jake are sleeping. It’s only five thirty.”

Well, shoot. I was all dressed with no where to go. I stood awkwardly in the doorway until Rosalie patted the spot on the couch beside her.

“Really?” I asked before I could think.

“I won’t bite. I promise.” She smiled sheepishly. “Pretty sure my wedding invite is going to be rescinded if I make you cry again.”

I closed the door behind me, aware that Rosalie could probably feel my heartbeat speeding up. I needed to get a grip, anyway, if I was going to survive Truth-or-Dare. I walked over and gingerly sat on the couch, turning to meet her eyes.

Her face was divine. I knew that, objectively. Her expression was curious, and a little nervous. “I had some questions I was hoping to ask, now that you’re away from your wardens.”

“It’s not like that,” I told her.

“I’m not convinced,” Rosalie argued. “Look, I know Carlisle and Esme are kind, loving, sweet, compassionate, protective… But they can also be… a lot.” She waited for me to say something, but I didn’t. “Like giving you medication without your knowledge. Are you really okay with that?”

“No,” I said, “But we’ve talked about it.”

Rosalie raised her beautiful brows. “And they promised to never give you drugs again without your knowledge?”

“Well, no, but—”

Rosalie rubbed her face. “Oh my God. Okay,” She seemed to be thrown for a minute, and to my surprise, I was embarrassed. “What else haven’t they told you? Well, I guess you wouldn’t know, now, would you?” She sighed. “Is there anything you don’t know that you think you should?”

I thought for a minute. “Um, I don’t think so? I mean, they told me about the…” I mouthed pandemic and she nodded. “Um, we talked about having kids, and they warned me how that would be pretty rough, and they’d probably have to turn me after.”

Rosalie winced. “How do you feel about them changing you?”

“Well, I want them to,” I said.

“Even with all the pain?” she asked.

I blinked at her. “What?”

“You know, how it feels like you’re on fire for three days?” she said. “Oh my god, don’t pass out. Lean back, Deirdre.”

She pushed my shoulder so my back rested against the couch cushion.

“I don’t… I…?”

What the fuck. What the fuck? What the fuck!

“Most people beg for death, as a mercy,” Rosalie said, her eyes searching mine. “They didn’t tell you that, did they?”

I shuddered and closed my eyes. A cold feeling of betrayal seeped into my heart. After a long pause, I forced myself to answer her. “No.”

“Did they tell you that when you become a vampire, your throat feels like it’s burning all of the time? Like you’re perpetually parched?”

“Es said it feels like it’s burning, once,” I whispered, remembering back. I couldn’t help but rub the front of my throat, considering how that would feel. Rosalie was sitting up, leaning closer to me now, urgently trying to understand how much I knew.

“Did they tell you that it’ll likely be five years or so before you can be in public for short periods of time? It’s because your bloodlust will be so strong.”

I felt sick. “I thought the newborn stage only lasts a year.”

“It does. Some of the strength will fade, but not even close to all of it. The bloodlust takes decades to control, and accidents aren’t uncommon.”

“Carlisle hasn’t had accidents.”

“Carlisle’s practically a masochist,” Rosalie said. “He’s got that whole self-hatred thing and desire to be the ultimate do-gooder. I have good control, too. I mean, I’ve killed humans before, but not to drink from. Bella’s control is good too, but she’s just a freak like that. Everyone else has had accidents. Accidents, Deirdre. Not that they meant to kill humans. The circumstances, their thirst… it just got to be too much.”

I looked at her in horror, and Rosalie took my hand. “Whatever you want to know, Deirdre, I will tell you. Always.” She glanced behind her, then added quickly: “I wish I wasn’t a vampire. I wish someone had been there for me, to say no.”

I heard a woosh like the sliding door was opening, and then a boom like a bomb had gone off. Rosalie pushed me down into the couch, shielding me with her body. I heard a loud gasp, and then Jacob was throwing open the door to his bedroom. He glanced at me and Rosalie, and then looked behind us.

I heard a crunchy sound, and then Esme was peering over the couch to look down at me and Rosalie.

“Get off her,” she said quietly. Rosalie sat up.

“I was just telling her—”

“Enough,” Esme said, looking more mad than I’d ever seen her before. It was a calm anger. I pressed myself deeper into the couch, but Esme came around the side and scooped me up easily, carrying me into the bedroom. Over her shoulder, I could see that the glass pane for the sliding door had shattered into little cubes all over the floor.

Esme closed the door behind us and brought me over to the bed. I didn’t know what to say, what to do. She sat me on the edge of the bed, and took a slow step away from me.

“Did she wake you up?” Esme asked me. Her eyes seemed significantly darker than the night before. I shook my head. “Are you alright?” she asked, still incredibly tense. I nodded. She closed her eyes, her hands clasped together tightly. She breathed slowly.

“Maybe you should go find Carlisle,” I suggested.

“I’m not leaving you alone with her again,” Esme said, voice tight. “Not for a long time.”

I shivered. “Es, she didn’t hurt me. We were just talking.”

“Yes, I caught the tail end of the conversation,” she said stiffly. She managed to look at me for a brief moment, like it pained her to rest her eyes on me. “I need you take a shower and put something else on.”

I looked down at what I was wearing. “You don’t like this?”

“You smell like Rosalie now,” she answered. She took another slow breath, then her eyes peeked open at me, this time sad and sorry. “I’m sorry I left you with her. I didn’t think you’d be up, and I didn’t expect her to talk to you.”

I swallowed. “Does… does it really feel like burning when someone turns into a vampire?”

Esme was silent for a long minute. “Yes.”

My empty stomach flip flopped. “And you were going to tell me this, when?”

“When you needed to know,” Esme said. I frowned, and she kneeled down to meet my eyes. Her eyes, tarnished gold implored me to listen. “Duckling, you were so frightened yesterday you were practically mute. That was the first time we talked about changing you. With all the other things you’re dealing with, we didn’t want that to be one more worry for you.”

“You two never seem to be upfront with me,” I said, crossing my arms.

“I don’t think you’re seeing things clearly, Deirdre. A few white lies, just for a little while, for your peace of mind, aren’t a crime.”

“You two always say that when I find out you’ve been keeping something from me.”

“You’re not in a headspace for all of the details, darling. Not right now. And not after your accident at work. And not right after you’d been hurt by John-David. And before that, you didn’t know our family’s secret. There hasn’t been a good time yet, duckling.”

“And when will be a good time?” Unconsciously, I reached out and pet her hair. It felt weird to not be touched by her. I was used to the connection, and it felt nearly uncomfortable to be without it, even during such a serious conversation. “Because it freaks me out that there could be more that you’re not telling me.”

“You know all the most important parts,” she said.

“I want to know it all!” I argued. She pursed her lips, and I felt traitorous tears beginning to slip down my face. I withdrew my hand and took a few of my own, slow, shaky breaths. “Please, Esme. I can’t keep doing this.” I reached out and caressed her cheek, running my fingers over her hair as the tears fell. “I love you so much. I love Carlisle. But it scares me when you’re not honest. And every time I start to trust you both, I find you’ve been keeping something from me.”

Esme let out a slow breath. I thought she was going to admit something else, or try to comfort me some more.

“Go take a shower and change, please. Get in bed, and I’ll bring you your breakfast.”

A sob bubbled past my lips. “Honeybee, please. You’re scaring me.”

“I’m sorry,” Esme said, moving away from my reach as I tried to grab her hand. She was practically vibrating. She was avoiding meeting my eyes again. “I’m really upset, Deirdre, and I don’t want to hurt you... You smell like Rosalie, and I’m so upset... Please shower.”

Esme left, closing the door to the living room behind her. A few more sobs trickled through as I brushed my tears out of my eyes and stumbled towards the bathroom.

Brushing my wet hair, I felt numb. How many times were they going to lie to me? And how many times was I going to put up with it? And how could I not put up with it, really, at this point? The Volturi wouldn’t let me live my own life. And did I want to live my own life, worrying about John-David at every turn? And the thought of never seeing Esme or Carlisle again…it hurt.

There was a soft knock. “Deirdre? Darling, it’s me.” Carlisle called through the door. “May I come in?”

“I’m almost done,” I replied hoarsely.

“I don’t need the bathroom. I want to see you, duckling.”

I swallowed. “Please don’t call me that.”

Carlisle was silent on the other side of the door, to the point I assumed he’d left me to calm myself. I started smoothing sunscreen on, and his voice made me jump. “Why are you putting on sunscreen?”

“I want to go outside,” I answered.

“It’s time for breakfast.”

“No, it’s not. It’s barely six AM.”

“If you’re up for the day, you should eat.”

I shook my head, even though he couldn’t see me. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Carlisle, but I’m chubby. I won’t wither away without breakfast.”

“I want you to eat breakfast.”

“And I want you to tell me the whole truth, consistently, so I guess we’ll both be unhappy this morning.”

I could hear him sigh. “Deirdre…”

“It’s only been a few days since you promised not to keep things from me.”

“I did not make such a promise,” Carlisle corrected softly. I paused, thinking back to our conversation about the pills. The phrase I’m sorry I kept this from you flitted through my brain. Maybe he hadn’t promised, and I had just want it so badly that I remembered it that way. “I knew there are things I wished to discuss with you when we got home. A family vacation, especially one with such heightened emotions, is hardly the place for these types of delicate discussions.”

“Is feeling like you’re being burned alive for seventy-two hours a delicate discussion?”

Carlisle was quiet for a long minute. “Does that alter your opinion on becoming a vampire? Because I would never force you. We would never force you.”

I squirted more sunscreen into my hand angrily. “No,” I admitted after a long minute. “But that’s not the point, Carlisle. I feel so stupid right now. And you know what? I sincerely don’t understand how you can find me attractive when you treat me like a baby. You can tell me we’re mates until your out of breath if you want, but you and Esme treat me more like a child. You watch me, you swoop in, you keep things from me because you don’t think it’s the right time, or that it’s appropriate. You choose who I interact with, you drug me up… If I wanted a lying, controlling partner, I could’ve just stayed in the cult.”

He didn’t say anything for a long minute. “Deirdre,” his voice was quiet. “Thank you for telling me how you feel. I’m so sorry we’ve made you feel like that. We aren’t purposefully keeping things from you, little one. Just because we don’t immediately tell you every excruciating detail about everything event of the past few hundred years doesn’t mean we’re keeping secrets. I would expect you to understand that. Esme and I have been patient as well, as you take your time opening up to us, sharing bits from your past.”

“That’s different,” I argued.

“I don’t think so. You have held onto things until you’ve had to express them, for the most part. We’ve held onto things to try to find a better time to discuss them with you. The mating pull creates a strong urge to protect y—”

“You can’t just blame it on mates,” I growled.

“I’m not trying to blame anything,” he said patiently. God damn him. “I’m trying to explain my, or rather, our peculiar behaviour. You’re so precious to us,” he stopped. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears, and I paused, feeling guilty. “And you’re also human. You know how hard it is to kill one of us. And, by consequence, you seem so much more fragile. It was torture when you worked at the long-term care. I worried every day if someone would hit you with their cane, or if you would catch an illness, or that some crazed person would drive their car through the glass and kill you. I planned what I would do, if they brought you over injured, near-death. It’s not like the olden days, when I could sneak you out of the morgue. Whatever I’d choose, I’d risk blowing our cover, blowing our entire family’s cover. I know it comes across as controlling, but I was frightened we would lose you. And you did get hurt, twice, Deirdre. I wasn’t scared for nothing.”

I set down the sunscreen and opened the door. Carlisle stood there, shoulders down. His eyes looked darker, amber instead of honey. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face into his chest.

“I can’t keep doing this,” I told him. My voice was weaker than I had hoped. “It hurts too much.”

“I’m sorry, Deirdre. I’m so sorry, my love.”

“I don’t want apologies. I want promises.” The words were hard to get out without crying, but I managed. Carlisle had wrapped his arms around me, and had begun kissing the stop of my head and gently shushing me. His arms tightened as I slowly leaned into him, and before long he lifted me up and collected me into his arms. I fully expected him to deposit me on the bed, then sit at my side and hold my hand, but instead he brought me out into the living room. The broken glass was gone, a few clear garbage bags taped over the door frame, and Esme was sheepishly cooking eggs and bacon on the stove.

“Where’s Rosalie?” I asked. Esme winced.

“She’s gone for a walk with Emmett,” Carlisle replied.

“Esme made her leave,” I accused, watching her. She didn’t look my way, and she looked miserable. I felt a pang of guilt interfering with my anger. I didn’t like seeing Esme like that, and I longed to run over and wrap my arms around her and kiss her shoulder.

“As is her right,” Carlisle said, rubbing my back. I realized I was still wrapped in my towel, and I tried to get off of his lap, but his arms locked.

“I want to get changed.”

“Soon,” he replied, his voice softer and softer in response to my agitation. “Let me hold you for a little while.”

My agitation flared. “I’m not going to change my mind. You can cuddle me all you want, but I want promises and answers.”

Carlisle hummed but didn’t reply.

“Where are Nessie and Jacob?”

“Edward and Bella are taking them for a boat ride.”

“Hmph. Alice?”

“Diving with Jasper. He’s showing her the reef. It was quite spectacular, darling. Jasper’s taken some pictures—he’ll have to show you when he gets back.”

I wiggled in Carlisle’s arms. “So we’re all alone in order for you to mollycoddle me back into submission?”

Carlisle sighed. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, Deirdre…”

I groaned, pushing against his arms as my frustration built. “This is ridiculous. Seriously, Carlisle. I know you’re stressed, but you’re not allowed to do this.”

Esme didn’t meet my eyes as she put in two slices of toast.

“Those better be for Jacob,” I warned her, twisting in Carlisle’s arms.

“Duckling—” Carlisle chided.

“Don’t call me that! I’m not a fucking baby bird!” I tried twisting out of his arms. “Let go! That hurts!”

Carlisle’s arms loosened, and I pushed them away from me, holding his wrists like I was the one restraining him. In a weird way, I was mad that he had let me go, because I wanted an excuse to scream at him.

I looked over at Esme. She was watching us with a little frown. Turning back to Carlisle, I noticed his lips moving, like he was talking to her too quietly for me to hear. He looked a little sad, but also relaxed. He didn’t stop me as I stood up.

“I’m going to get dressed, so you two can finish your conversation in private.”

No one said or did anything to stop me. Back in our room, I dug through the remaining clothes. There were skimpy bralettes and shortie shorts, and then the ridiculous night gowns.

“God damn it, Alice,” I grumbled, pulling open Carlisle’s drawer to steal shorts and a shirt. I took one of Esme’s light cardigans, grabbed my hat, sunglasses, and sunscreen, and headed out to the living room.

They were sitting together on the couch, and something about it made my heart hurt. It reminded me of before we were dating, when I would sometimes see them together and feel sad to not be a part of it. Esme held Carlisle’s hand, and he rubbed circles into her back while they looked at me.

“I’m going to get some air,” I announced.

“I’ll put your breakfast in the fridge,” Esme replied.

“Thanks.”

~~

It was a windy morning, and Carlisle and Esme watched from the couch as their dear, sensitive human held onto her sunhat for dear life. They sat together silently, listening to her heartbeat and the rhythmic slap of her flipflops hitting her heels as she walked down the path to the water. Neither spoke until Deirdre climbed into the hammock. After setting her sunglasses and sunscreen inside her hat so it wouldn’t fly away, Deirdre flopped into the hammock and let out a little sniffle.

“She has a point,” Esme murmured to her husband, “about us keeping things from her. She even asked last night if there was anything she should know before truth-or-dare.”

Carlisle rubbed over where his heart was on his chest, a frown pushing down his lips. “I admit that I didn’t foresee our edits having such a negative effect on her. And yet, I believe it’s a little far to say we were infantilizing her.”

Esme leaned her head against Carlisle’s shoulder. “Oh, I think we are,” Esme said. Carlisle turned and looked at his wife, eyes widened slightly in horror. “You remember how independent she was. Working like a dog at that horrible job, living in that sketchy apartment with a roommate, owning so few clothes…”

“She worked so hard to be on her own that she didn’t have time to be herself,” Carlisle murmured. “She didn’t have interests or hopes or dreams.”

“She wasn’t happy,” Esme said, taking Carlisle’s hand. “But she knew she was under her own power. It must be uncomfortable to be more or less at our mercy. She wouldn’t feel safe without us, which makes her reliant in a way she finds unpalatable.”

Carlisle’s eyes fixed on Deirdre. “She is safe and happy with us.”

“She is,” Esme murmured. “Carlisle, my love, I’m not saying she isn’t. I’ve seen what you’ve seen. The light in her eyes, the teasing, the happy sighs, how much more deeply she sleeps, her curiosity, her confidence… Our interventions have helped. The medication, the break from working, feeding her nutritious food, you taking her on walks, loving on her, sheltering her… But it’s the sheltering that’s turned out to be an issue for her.” Esme squeezed her mate’s hand. Their conversation was paused to watch Deirdre roll over in the hammock. “I don’t plan on stopping, but I do think we need to shift tactics.”

Carlisle’s eyes flicked over to his wife, and he raised a brow. Esme grinned her scheming grin, and he couldn’t help but smile in return.

“I’ve always done what I believed was right for Deirdre,” he said softly.

“I know that,” Esme said, caressing Carlisle’s cheek. Her poor husband’s nerves were fried after worrying about their little human for days on end. “And as much as I love our children, I think they believe they’re doing what’s best for Deirdre, too. Even Rosalie. Even though I hissed at her,” Esme winced, and Carlisle took her hand to kiss her palm.

“I’m certain Rosalie will forgive you, though she might tease you about it for some time.”

Esme’s playful smile disappeared. “Deirdre was so upset, darling. She felt betrayed, I knew it by her expression. Almost nothing has ever felt so painful.”

Esme’s body began to shake, and Carlisle pulled her closer to him, rubbing her back. “Es, we’ve still got her. Nothing’s broken… Deirdre will come around. Look, she’s looking for us again,” Carlisle pointed out. Esme’s head whipped back to the window to look out at Deirdre. Their sweet little mate was chewing her nails and staring at the house. It was too far away for her to see that the two vampires were staring back at her, but they could see her clear as day.

“I think we need to concede the information about changing, and hybrids, and the Volturi,” Esme said, frowning as Deirdre wiped tears off of her face and sighed shakily. “It will scare her, but I think we can use it to bring her closer to us. She wants to be confident before she is changed, and she wants a child, and she wants to become a vampire. If we give her some information, it will scare her, but she will feel more in control. Even if it’s just an illusion.”

Carlisle perked up slightly. “We can accomplish our goals through her desires,” he hypothesized. “She’ll let me do her therapy if she thinks it will help her be confident as a vampire. She’ll let us take care of her body so she is strong for pregnancy, and she will want to be changed before long, negating the threat of the Volturi.”

Esme looked at her husband. He was thinking through a plan, and she was relieved they would be able to work things out with their lover.

“I don’t fancy frightening her with the details,” Esme said softly, leaning into Carlisle. He stroked her hair, his eyes on his other mate. Deirdre had stood up and walked over to the shore, letting the waves sneak up the sand to wet her feet. A particularly large wave crested and fell, and Deirdre scampered back to stay dry. Carlisle felt rather guilty about the prospect of turning Deirdre, but if there was ever a person who should be turned, he felt it was her. Deirdre would be as sweet as she was as a human, he figured. She’d never have to worry about being kidnapped or overpowered. She was the most perfect company for the both of them, and he couldn’t wait to give her the world. And a child. Oh! Carlisle scarcely allowed himself to hope for a child of their own. He’d seen what had happened to Bella, and it made his frozen heart clench to imagine Deirdre in such a state. He’d have to start her on prenatal vitamins soon. And perhaps she’d better eat more, so that she didn’t become emaciated. Well, this time around he would know to give her blood to drink to satiate the child…

Esme’s eyes flicked to Carlisle, drinking in his expression of hope and want. When Carlisle realized he was being watched, he smiled shyly, and Esme leaned in to kiss him. Once, twice, again and again until the pair of them were giggling like teenagers.

“We’re what she needs, and she’s what we need,” Esme said confidently, caressing Carlisle’s cheek. He held her by the waist, barely resisting the urge to pull her in for another round of kisses. And maybe a trip to the bedroom.

“I’m the luckiest man in the world, Es,” he whispered. Esme had soothed his worries and his nerves, and he was more than ready to, as Deirdre put it, mollycoddle her back into submission. Er, comfort.

“And we’re the luckiest women to have you,” Esme declared, pulling him in for another kiss. They both wished they had one more person included in their embrace. Soon.

A shriek from Deirdre made them both pull away, darting out onto the porch before a second had passed. Deirdre had been walking in the water up to her knees, and a large wave had hit, catching her by surprise and knocking her over. She tried crawling out of the water, getting pushed further onto shore by another wave. She was soaked, Carlisle’s shirt and shorts sopping wet and sagging on her body.

“The waves took you by surprise?” Carlisle asked, appearing out of nowhere in Deirdre’s point of view. Despite their fight a half hour ago, Deirdre was by all accounts relieved to be hoisted up by Carlisle.

“Yeah,” she said breathlessly. Ugh. He loved it when she was breathless—either from dancing, or hiking, or laughing. A small part of him subconsciously pictured making her breathless by another activity. That would have to wait a few months.

“They’re very strong today,” he said conversationally. He was biting his tongue. What he really wanted to say was please stay away from the water unless you have someone with you, it can be dangerous. Obviously it was dangerous—she’d just had a scare. Besides, Carlisle would never let her go near water on her own. Not an ocean, not a pond, not a pool. Heavens, he tended to keep an ear on her when she showered.

“Yeah,” she breathed, wringing out the shirt and squeezing what water she could from the shorts. She frowned at the clothes before sighing heavily.

“The salt water won’t affect the clothes. I’ll just wash them,” Carlisle said.

“I wasn’t thinking that,” Deirdre said heavily. “Although I guess I’d better not stretch it too much,” her hands smoothed over the shirt where she’d wrung it. “I was thinking now I’ll have to wear one of those nightgowns. I don’t have anything left, and you’re practically out of clothes, too.”

“You can wear your pyjamas while we wash some things,” he suggested. “It should only take a few hours.”

Deirdre pursed her lips. “I wasn’t sure when truth-or-dare was going to start.”

Carlisle resisted the childish and human urge to throw his head back and groan. Of course Deirdre was still perseverating on truth-or-dare. He’d nursed a hope overnight that he’d be able to persuade her to partake in an alternate activity. There was little way he could persuade her now.

“Nessie and Jacob still need to eat breakfast,” he said. “As do you. So at least an hour. Shall we give it a try?”

Deirdre chewed on her lip, quiet for a long minute. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. And honeybee, too.”

That was unexpected. Carlisle had half thought they were going to gloss over the argument, at least for another fifteen minutes or so.

“Thank you for apologizing,” Carlisle said slowly. Esme was approaching now at a human pace. “You’re forgiven. You understand why we weren’t so forthcoming, yes?”

Deirdre spotted Esme over his shoulder. “Hm? Yes. I still don’t like it. But I shouldn’t have yelled.”

Esme reached them, and Deirdre held out a hand for her, which Esme took, letting her human mate tug her closer until Deirdre was wrapping her arms around her. Deirdre stood on her tiptoes and gave Esme a squeeze.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I yelled, and I was mean. I knew you were surprised by Rosalie… I shouldn’t have tried to talk with you until you calmed down.”

Esme took a long inhale against Deirdre’s neck. Venom pooled in her mouth at the sweet smell, and she forced herself to swallow. Her mate’s scent, as delicious as it was, was also indescribably comforting. A strong urge to bite her flitted through Esme’s mind like an intrusive thought. Not to bite her to taste, but to mark her. Deirdre belonged to them, and they belonged to her. And if Rosalie thought some silly little footnotes were enough to scare off their sweet girl, she was mistaken. Deirdre was a gentle soul, but she was also tough in her own way.

“We’ll tell you whatever you want to know. Everything you want to know. Tonight, after dinner. You can fact check with Rosalie, or Alice, or whomever you wish afterwards,” Esme said.

Deirdre pulled back, and Esme was disappointed to lose the contact. She was rewarded with her mate’s curious gaze, evaluating her. “Really?”

“Really,” Esme assured, tucking a piece of wet hair behind Deirdre’s ear. “And we’ll take shifts with you tonight, in case you have nightmares.”

Deirdre shivered. If Esme was being honest, she hoped a little that something they told her would scare her. At least that way Deirdre would understand why they had kept it from her in the first place. Deirdre’s eyes flicked to Carlisle.

“We’d rather you trust us and know everything than fear what we’re keeping from you,” he explained. “The benefits of waiting no longer outweigh the costs.”

Deirdre sighed. This time, in relief. Deirdre was a bit sigher, but she also tended to hold her breath a lot when she was anxious. The two seemed to go hand in hand. Carlisle and Esme were quite good at reading her sighs, after a few months of study. Tired, frustrated, sad, relieved, and happy all had different weights and tones.

The back of Carlisle’s fingers felt her cheek. “Let’s get you in some dry clothes before you catch a chill.”

“Alright,” she agreed. Esme took her hand, kissing the back before starting off back towards the house. Carlisle followed behind, deep in thought about how to word the information they had promised Deirdre.

Two hours later, Deirdre was sitting in freshly laundered clothes, lips pursed and listening intently to Alice relaying the rules for truth-or-dare. They were identical to the rules Jacob had previously recalled. Carlisle was trying not to look tense, and Deirdre wasn’t buying it. She had a hand curled around his elbow, and she leaned her head against his shoulder. Esme was keeping herself calm by gently twisting locks of Deirdre’s hair up in her fingers. It was decided they’d play for six hours, with a one-hour break for lunch halfway through, to accommodate the human-food-eaters.

“Whoever is newest gets to start,” Alice said, “Which is Deirdre.”

Deirdre’s face turned red beyond her sunburn. “Am I allowed to forfeit to Jacob?”

Alice huffed. “We can take a vote. All in favour of Jacob starting, raise your hands.”

Everyone raised their hands except Nessie. “I wanted to see what you’d ask,” she said with a pout.

“There’s lots of time for Deirdre to ask questions,” Jasper murmured to his niece. “In fact, I think she’ll be asking a lot of them, since she’ll be getting picked so often.”

Deirdre relaxed a little now that the attention was off of her. Jacob grinned and rubbed his hands together, looking around the circle.

“Hm. So many choices,” Jacob said.

“So little time,” Rosalie drawled, seemingly bored already.

Jacob rolled his eyes. “Alright, blondie. Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Rosalie said immediately, smiling smugly at Jacob.

“I dare you to eat a can of soup and not yak until the end of the game.”

Rosalie grimaced.

Deirdre wrinkled her nose. Gross. But she wasn’t sure if that was small potatoes or not as far as the game went, so she didn’t want to say anything.

Rosalie walked over to the kitchen and opened the pantry. She popped the top on a tomato soup can, and make the most sickening slurping noise until she’d consumed all of it. Deirdre shuddered. Yuck. When Rosalie was done wiping her mouth, Deirdre froze. But Rosalie’s eyes didn’t fall on the human.

“Esme, truth or dare?”

Esme pushed down her residual anger at Rosalie. “Dare,” she said.

“I dare you to not touch Deirdre for the rest of the game.”

Esme kept her hand in Deirdre’s hair. “I’ll use my pass on that.”

There were a couple of chuckles around the living room. Obviously it was considered silly for Esme to waste her pass, but Deirdre was secretly glad for it. Deirdre rubbed Carlisle’s arm, wishing he would relax. He was making her tense.

“Hm… Emmett, truth or dare?” Esme asked.

Rosalie returned to sit with her mate, and smiled up at him as he considered his options.

“Dare, Ma,” he said finally with a grin. As if he was going to pick anything other than dare. He hadn’t in decades.

Esme hummed, glancing at her two mates. She decided on something that would please Deirdre. “I dare you to go outside, jump as high as you can, and do a backflip.”

Emmett grinned, Rosalie rolled her eyes, and Nessie stood up, excited to go watch her uncle do something silly.

Everyone filed out after Emmett, watching from the porch like they were in a box at the opera. The sun had refused to come out, so Deirdre had the perfect view of Emmett launching himself vertically about forty feet before twisting over himself and landing casually on two feet. Deidre’s mouth dropped open and Esme gave her a hug, chuckling at her mate’s reaction. Deirdre looked up at her slightly, eyes wide.

“Can you do that, too?”

“I could probably jump a little higher, even,” Esme offered, pleased by how impressed Deirdre was. Deirdre looked over at Carlisle, who also nodded, pursing his lips to hide a smile.

Jasper smiled openly at Deirdre, enjoying the human’s wonder and curiosity, and the marginal relaxation of his parental figures.

“They’ve been rather modest with you, haven’t they?” Jasper asked.

“I think so,” Deirdre mused, smiling a smile at Carlisle that clearly conveyed she was scheming.

“There will be plenty of time for showing off in Alaska, when we’re far enough away that we don’t have to worry about others seeing,” he said, tucking some hair behind her ear. Her curiosity was less than satiated, and Carlisle wondered if she was going to waste a question on him later. He had to admit that some primal part of him, a very small, neglected part of him, took deep satisfaction in the thought of being able to ‘show off’ for her.

“Alright Deirdre,” Emmett called, climbing the steps to the porch. “Truth or dare, kiddo.”

Deirdre leaned into Esme slightly. “Is there a particular reason everyone is avoiding truth?”

Rosalie piped up. “We know most of the juicy stuff about one another, though I would guess Carlisle and Esme will avoid truth, as might you.”

Deirdre tapped her foot nervously. “Hm. Okay. Well… dare, I guess.”

Edward flicked his eyes to his brother. Jasper, Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie had conspired to ask two throw away questions that they thought would get Deirdre to use her pass. The truth question was what was the worst thing that happened to you in the cult? And the dare question was—

“I dare you to swim from the end of the dock to the shore. You can wear a lifejacket, though.”

Jesus, that’s mean, Deirdre thought, folding her arms. Carlisle was silently begging her to use her pass. Esme was worried what else her children had planned for after that question, already believing Deirdre would pass on the dare.

“Alright,” Deirdre said, scratching her neck. “I can put on a swimsuit, though, right?”

“Yeah dude, go for it,” Emmett replied. He had genuinely hoped she would say yes, so he was fine with her agreeing to the dare. Jasper and Rosalie were a little bummed. Alice believed Deirdre would still chicken out.

Nessie looked to Jacob, then to her parents. She held Jacob’s hand and made eye contact with her father. That wasn’t very nice. Edward nodded to agree with her.

Dierdre unwrapped herself from Esme’s arms and walked back into the house, carefully opening and shutting the sliding door that was now ‘patched’ with clear garbage bags.

“That was unkind,” Esme said, crossing her arms and frowning at Emmett.

“Ma, we couldn’t just throw her easy questions. She’d feel silly. Besides, she could’ve used her pass if she wanted to.”

“There’s only eight vampires who can pull her out in case of an emergency. Even Jacob could jump in,” Rosalie pointed out. “She’ll be fine.”

Esme glowered at her daughter, then let Carlisle pull her into his arms.

“She’ll be fine,” Carlisle echoed, though he was also worried.

Nessie watched her grandparents. They were being dramatic. Right? It was a bit mean spirited, yes, but this shouldn’t be a big deal. Deirdre was in the water yesterday in a life jacket. She looked between her father and mother, then took Bella’s hand and sent her the memory of Deirdre in the water the day before, as if somehow everyone had forgotten it had happened.

“Yes, but it’s a little different doing something on your own, with everyone watching,” Bella explained.

“The waves are also choppy today,” Edward murmured, as if lowering his voice would make it easier on his parents to face. “She’s very determined to do it,” he added on for their benefit. Esme was squeezing Carlisle’s hand so hard Edward feared it might crack.

The door from the main bedroom opened inside the house. Deirdre didn’t notice all eyes turn to her through the living room windows. She was too busy putting on the life jacket as she walked.

“She’s more coordinated than Bella was,” Rosalie mused aloud, trying to make her adoptive parents feel better about the predicament their children had orchestrated for their mate. Edward snorted and Bella smacked his shoulder.

Carlisle and Esme actually relaxed a little seeing Deirdre. She was wearing the pink tankini Alice had bought her, and it made the fading sunburn stick out on her cheeks like a delicate blush. She adjusted the life jacket just the way Esme had done the day before. Not that Esme was going to let her get into the water without a double check.

Deirdre slipped into her flip flops before she opened the door.

“Lookin’ good, Deirdre!” Emmett said. Deirdre rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Let’s get this over with,” she said, oddly calm. Everyone started making their way to the beach, and Esme and Carlisle moved to walk on either side of their mate, like nervous bodyguards.

“It’s not too late to pass,” Esme added. Deirdre took her hand and squeezed it.

“I’ll be okay, honey. The dock’s not that long. And besides, I have a life jacket. People don’t usually drown with a life jacket on, right?”

Esme stopped, looking over to Carlisle to silently beg him to veto this.

“I cannot veto something she is agreeing to.” Carlisle said softly, too softly for Deirdre to hear. “She can pass if she wants to, Es. And we’ll be right there.”

Deirdre looked back at Esme. “It’s alright, Esme,” she assured, kissing the back of Esme’s hand. “At least Emmett didn’t specify that I had to wear the bikini. I totally would’ve passed that.”

Esme groaned. “I wish you’d pass this one.”

“This isn’t so bad,” Deirdre said, giving Esme a tug. Esme reluctantly continued walking.

The dock was about two hundred feet long. Deirdre walked across the wooden platform confidently enough, pausing at the end to slip off her shoes. She looked over the edge at the rolling waves, trying to persuade herself to jump in between the waves. For the first time since putting on her swimsuit, she began to change her mind. She had, after all, felt what it was like to be pushed around by a wave just this morning. And she knew the water was cold.

“Seriously, darling, you don’t have to do this,” Esme called. Deirdre looked over towards Esme’s voice, then, being at the edge of the dock, promptly lost her balance and fell in.

The water was cold. Knowing didn’t prepare for the initial shock of it. It didn’t help that she fell in shoulder first, and she was rocked by a wave as the lifejacket tried to right her in the water. She eventually popped up, coughing and spluttering, pushed a few feet closer to shore by the waves. Esme cracked Carlisle’s hand in her nervous grip, barely peeling her eyes away from Deirdre to pat it gingerly back into place. Carlisle smoothed a hand down Esme’s back.

“She’s fine,” Emmett said, trying to sound relaxed. Jasper was very still, though. He knew very well Deirdre was petrified. Edward silently promised himself he’d give Deirdre ten seconds to figure it out before sending Carlisle to rescue her. He schooled his expression to try to reduce the pain of his parents.

Esme wished they hadn’t fought this morning. Every fibre in her being was telling her to go help Deirdre, and yet she feared she would upset her mate by ‘coddling’ her. Carlisle felt the same, but was making small deals with himself about when he would intervene. He wished Deirdre would meet his eyes, or say something, but she was too occupied to do so.

Deirdre was struggling not to breathe in more water. The waves were pushing her towards the shore, not that she could tell, and after the initial shock of hitting the water had worn off, she remembered she was supposed to kick her feet and scoop water with her hands. The salt water stung her eyes and she couldn’t see how far she’d gone, or even if she was going to right way. She should have passed. She should have listened to Esme. But she had to do her own thing, didn’t she? She didn’t even graduate high school, but some how she thought she knew best? She didn’t listen. She never listened. She didn’t obey. She was supposed to obey her parents, her husband—and surely her wife, too. God was pleased when she obeyed. And here she was, defying her fiancés, misbehaving in front of their children, sowing discord by her aversion to submitting. Rosalie had been right—she was pathetic. Not only weak, but also graceless and unwomanly and vile. A wave crashed over her, and the pressure felt like hands holding her underwater. Good girls obey, Deirdre. Good girls listen to their fathers and husbands. Good girls accept the rules. Then again, Carlisle and Esme had both separately insisted she was a good girl. And by most standards, she was. Was blind obedience really the end-all, be-all personality trait? Could she disobey and still be good?

Deirdre kicked a little harder, starting to get the hang of when to breath and when to hold it. Everyone standing on the shore seemed close, but that they never got any closer. Didn’t waves pull things back sometimes?

A strong wave pushed Deirdre, knocking her a good bit forward. Her toes brushed the sand, and she started to stand, was pushed over, and then scrambled successfully out of the water.

Esme had her wrapped up in a towel in an instant, giving her a hug and saying something sweet. Emmett grinned at Deirdre, professing that he never though it would be a challenge for her in the first place. Carlisle was not as celebratory, distinctly aware of how Jasper was edging away from Deirdre, and how Edward was still tensed. Deirdre was shaking slightly, her jaw tight as she grimaced a forced smile. Carlisle typically enjoyed Deirdre’s sweet eyes, but now there was something very wrong about her gaze. He’d never seen anything like it. Usually people had present gazes, or unfocused gazes, but Deirdre had an unnerving combination of the two. Like a security light turning on as it detected motion, even when no one was home.

“Can I get dressed?” she asked Esme.

“I don’t know, can she?” Rosalie said quietly. Alice rolled her eyes at her grumpy sister.

“We really should get you warmed up a little. Let me take you,” Esme said, scooping Deirdre up impatiently and zipping off to the house.

“I’m surprised Deirdre remembers how to walk, given how often you two carry her.” Rosalie said.

“Her pulse slows when she’s being held,” Carlisle informed her. “And furthermore, Esme enjoys holding her. As do I. Though, in this instance, I think Esme is just impatient to get her changed.”

Deirdre safely away, Carlisle turned to Edward. Edward shook his head, glancing to Nessie.

“No fair, daddy! I want to know, too!” Nessie protested.

“It’s none of your business, Nessie,” Edward said, patting Nessie’s shoulder.

“Deirdre’s family now, so it is my business,” she retorted. She got quieter, looking to her grandpa. “She looked really scared.”

“I’m surprised she made it,” Jasper murmured. Alice’s lips were pursed.

“We didn’t actually mean for her to agree to it,” she admitted guiltily. Alice really liked Deirdre—she was incredibly patient, somewhat malleable, and typically willing to indulge Alice at least partially. Alice hadn’t meant to actually scare Deirdre. This, plus the whole scrapbook fiasco, meant Alice needed to think up a plan of some nice, gentle bonding. Alice decided to think of some possibilities and check the future some time later today, when Jacob wasn’t around to cloud her visions.

“Pretty badass that she did, though,” Emmett said, trying to lighten the mood. Carlisle closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, trying to erase Deirdre’s panicked expression from his memory.

Nessie inched closer to her grandfather, resting a hand on his elbow and showing him a memory of Deirdre giggling while he helped her with the puzzle.

“Thank you, Nessie,” he murmured. He could hear off in the house Esme continuing a string of compliments that Deirdre wearily accepted.

Jacob looked around at the vampires. “Aren’t you going to go comfort her?” he asked Carlisle.

“Jake!” Nessie scolded.

Carlisle felt near nausea. “It is best I give her space,” he said curtly, though his eyes, now open, slipped to the house. He was listening to his two mates converse, and his heart longed to call it quits on the game and spend the rest of the day with Deirdre curled up by his side.

Rosalie watched as her father figure stood, tense and unmoving.

“I wonder who she’ll ask,” Rosalie murmured.

A few eyes turned to Alice, who threw her hands up in exasperation. “Don’t ask me! I can’t see her, remember? Jacob’s playing.”

Gazes moved to Edward.

“She’s not thinking about it right now,” Edward said carefully. It didn’t stop his father from wincing.

~

Esme dressed me in one of her sweaters and a pair of Carlisle’s linen pants. Considering Carlisle had just washed and folded all of my clothes hours earlier, her choice of apparel for me felt pointed. Was it to soothe me, or them?

It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to know. You will be told what you need to know. God has a plan, and that plan comes to you through your husband…

“You did such a marvelous job, Deirdre,” Esme continued to rave.

I don’t even believe in God. Well, at least not that one. “Thanks, honeybee,” I said. I felt oppressively tired. “Do we have to walk all the way back out to the beach?”

“No,” she said. “We can sit, and then can come over. Most of them can hear from there. Let’s sit on the couch.”

We took our spots on the couch. Everyone returned at Jacob’s walking pace. I was surprised and a little disappointed that Carlisle didn’t run ahead, but he did sit beside me and wordlessly scoop up one of my hands.

“So DeeDee, who will it be be?” Emmett asked. I snorted and looked across the circle. I had considered a couple of questions for each person yesterday afternoon. I couldn’t ask Emmett, and I didn’t want to ask Rosalie yet, and my questions for Edward and Bella and Nessie and Jacob weren’t very pressing…

“Jasper?”

Jasper sat a little straighter, cracking a little smile as if he was amused. “Truth.”

Good. I swallowed. “How did you come to be in possession of my scrapbook?”

Jasper looked over to Carlisle, then back to me. “Ally and I spent a few days at the cult. Carlisle had brought up the idea of us digging into it, to learn a little more, and to assess John-David’s capabilities and intentions towards you. It was easy enough to manipulate the minds of the men to be comfortable with Alice and I. It was bi-annual cleaning day when we were there, and your mother was disposing of some of your things, mostly old clothes and school notebooks. I made her a little mad, hoping she would tell us something about you, and she threw away your scrap book. Alice and I rescued it later in the evening before we left.”

I didn’t know what to say for a long minute. “Was she happy?”

“Your mother? No. She isn’t deeply unhappy, but she’s tired, and has no joy.”

“And Mara?”

“Somewhat,” Jasper said, shifting and analyzing my reaction as he provided me with information. “She has two children, now, Eleanor and Arthur. She seems to enjoy them, and she gets along well with the other church members. She doesn’t seem to fear Henry as much as some of the other women fear their husbands.” After a pause, Jasper added: “Your father is in poor health and was agitated for a significant portion of our stay.”

“Okay,” I said, slowly becoming aware that everyone else was there to hear this. “Thank you.”

Jasper nodded, and then his golden eyes flicked to Carlisle. “Truth or Dare?”

“Truth,” Carlisle said tiredly. I gave his hand a squeeze.

Alice brightened in Jasper’s lap. They had likely discussed their questions beforehand.

“What’s something you’re keeping from Deirdre that you never planned to tell her?”

I fully expected Carlisle to pass, but instead he sighed. I looked at him and he bit his lip.

“Remember at the welcome party in September, when Esme asked you to have a little book club with her?”

“Yes,” I said slowly, glancing over to Esme and back to him.

“Well,” he paused for a long time. Emmett cleared his throat and Nessie giggled. Carlisle continued: “I listened to your work conversations for a few days after meeting you in the grocery store. That’s how Esme knew you liked to read, and why she suggested the book club. You’d told Lucy that you really wanted to get back into reading.”

Oh, thank God it wasn’t that bad. “You could hear me talking from the other side of the hospital?”

Carlisle smiled sheepishly. “If I made a concerted effort to ignore the other conversations and various noises, yes. You also have a habit of huffing at Lucy when she says something you find preposterous, which is often. It makes it easier to pinpoint your voice.”

I covered my mouth, horrified, and others chuckled at my reaction. “Do I huff at you?” I asked.

“Only once,” Carlisle assured with a smile. “When you were upset with Lucy, and I insisted you tell me what happened.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, then asked “Truth or dare?”

“Me?” I asked, shocked.

“Yes,” he said, still smiling.

“There’s other people in this family, you know,” I said, making a sweeping gesture towards Bella, Edward, Nessie, Jacob, and Rosalie.

“Truth or dare, darling,” Carlisle reminded.

I studied his face. I was still tired from my dare, not that I anticipated Carlisle was going to ask me to do something strenuous. “Truth,” I said.

“Hm,” Carlisle hummed, then broke out into a smile. “What was your first impression of Esme and I?”

“Well,” I swallowed, thinking back. I shuddered and covered my face, and Edward laughed, having heard my thoughts.

“I was mortified to meet you. I thought I was talking to Lucy. Did you tell them…?”

“No, I haven’t,” Carlisle said, his eyes sweet and happy and totally focused on me.

“Tell us what?” Nessie prompted.

“I met Carlisle at the grocery store,” I explained. Carlisle squeezed my hand as I winced in embarrassment. “I thought I was talking to my roommate. I wanted to get a watermelon, but it was massive and I didn’t think I’d be able to eat it by myself, so I asked her to split it with me. Only it was Carlisle standing beside me, not Lucy.”

Carlisle smiled. “I was so happy when you spoke to me. I wasn’t sure how to begin talking with you, but I really wanted to.”

“And then what happened?” Nessie prompted.

“I was so taken aback by seeing Carlisle for the first time that I nearly dropped the watermelon,” I said. Nessie grinned and looked between me and her grandpa.

“But what did you think of grandpa?” she asked.

I turned back to Carlisle. “I thought you were extremely handsome, and terribly polite.”

Carlisle’s eyes wrinkled as he smiled, and Emmett made a retching sound. Rosalie rolled her eyes while Jacob and Bella laughed.

“And what about grandma?” Nessie prompted. It was like she wanted to know more than Carlisle did.

“I met Esme that weekend,” I said, looking over to Esme. “Lucy had made me come to Carlisle’s welcoming party at another doctor’s house. I was trying to avoid people when I came across Esme,” I smiled at her, and she smiled back. “I remember thinking I was being possessed by a talkative demon. I just couldn’t stop talking to you, you were so sweet and beautiful.”

Esme leaned over and kissed me, and Emmett made the same retching noise as before, this time causing even Nessie to giggle.

I asked Bella next, and she took a dare, doing a run off of the dock and her best cannonball into the water. This prompted Emmett, Jasper, Jacob and Alice to also need to show off their cannonball skills. Emmett had the best cannonball in my opinion, but Alice was a surprisingly strong contender for her size.

Bella asked Jacob, and Jacob was dared to do a lap around the island as fast as he could. AKA, as a wolf. Carlisle covered my eyes as Jacob changed, and I flinched upon seeing Jacob’s full size. He was as big as a horse. Nessie clapped and cheered for Jacob, who’s lap clocked in at three minutes and seventeen seconds.

Jacob asked Rosalie about why she hated being a vampire, and Rosalie explained her story. Esme pulled me closer and wiped away my tears. Then she asked me truth or dare.

I was curled up against Esme and had no desire to get up. “Truth,” I said.

“What’s the worst thing that happened to you in the cult?” she asked.

“Well,” I swallowed. I had to sit up so I could take a deeper breath. “They used to shove my head underwater if they thought I was lying. Which was often.”

Rosalie was speechless. Actually, everyone was pretty quiet, and I felt embarrassed.

“Sorry to make things weird,” I blurted, sinking back against Esme.

“That’s really fucked up, Deirdre,” Rosalie said, her voice soft.

“That’s why I don’t like swimming,” I explained. Emmett grimaced.

I flinched when Esme tried to tuck my hair behind my ear.

“Sorry,” she murmured.

“Deirdre,” Alice said, her usual chipper voice much more subdued. “Why don’t you ask someone, and then you and Ness and Jacob can have lunch?”

“Right,” I said. “Um, Edward?”

“Truth,” Edward said, not taking a moment to think. He probably knew what I was thinking of asking him. “And I would pick Maggie’s power. She can tell if someone is lying. I’d rather that than knowing everyone’s thoughts, all of the time.”

Jacob stood and stretched. “All right, lunch time,” he announced.

Everyone was in motion at once, except for me, Carlisle, and Esme.

Carlisle took my hand and squeezed it.

“You woke up early, darling. Maybe you’d like a little nap until lunch is ready?”

Now with everyone else occupied, I began to relax a little. I hadn’t realize how stressed I’d been under the scrutiny of the whole family.

“That’s a good idea,” I said. Carlisle stood and pulled me up, kissing my temple before spinning me around my the shoulders and gentle pushing me towards the bedroom.

I opened my mouth to say aren’t you coming? But I caught myself. That was a little pathetic. I could take a nap by myself without someone to tuck me in. Even if I was feeling a little emotionally worn down.

I flopped on the bed, too tried to get under the covers, and shut my eyes.

The water pushed me down, and I lost sight of the shore again.

“This is what happens to girls who do not obey,” the pastor said. “Tell us the truth, Deirdre.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn’t speak underwater.

“Say something, Deirdre. God has not given us all unlimited patience.”

I tried to call out for Carlisle, but it just sounded like a scream underwater.

“He won’t listen. Carlisle is a man of God, Deirdre. He is your shepherd. You are not being a good sheep, Deirdre. You need to be culled.”

“Deirdre? Sweetheart, open your eyes. Open your eyes, darling. Carlisle!”

~

Esme had finished making the sandwiches, and Carlisle was pouring drinks. Esme made the decision to go wake up Deirdre. She could hear Deirdre’s heartbeat. It was steady, but starting to beat faster. Deirdre’s nose was scrunched up, and she jerked a little in her sleep. She was dreaming, and it didn’t appear to be pleasant.

“Deirdre?” Esme touched her shoulder, worried to frighten her. Deirdre breathed in sharply, but her eyes remained closed. “Sweetheart, open your eyes.” Esme said, this time a little more urgently. She patted her mate’s cheek. “Open your eyes, darling.” Then Esme called for Carlisle.

Carlisle appeared in the door just as Deirdre’s eye opened. Deirdre seemed completely disoriented, her eyes round and surprised as she took in the room and Esme and Carlisle.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” Esme asked. She helped Deirdre sit up, and Deirdre’s clammy hand held onto her arm with almost no strength.

“I’m sorry,” Deirdre said softly, airily.

“Sorry? What are you sorry for?” Esme asked, one hand going to the back of Deirdre’s neck to stop her head from snapping back.

“I’ll be good,” Deirdre promised, her eyes unfocused, her pale pink lips pulled into a frown. Esme shared a horrifying glance with Carlisle. This was bad.

“You’re always good, duckling,” Esme said, petting her hair. Carlisle stepped forward, his hand moving to Deirdre’s chin. He wordlessly examined her expression. “So good,” Esme promised. “We’re so happy with you. And proud of you. You’ve been so brave the last few days.”

Deirdre rested her head on Esme’s shoulder and shut her mouth. Her eyes were still wide and empty, like a dead fish, even more empty than when she’d awoke.

Carlisle had a terrible, sinking feeling. And it didn’t feel any better to hear his family in the attached room, now whispering to each other about his fragile mate.

Deirdre’s nose and fingertips were cold. “Let’s warm her up,” Carlisle suggested. He let Esme pick her up, and he moved to the bathroom, adjusting the water and helping Esme peel off Deirdre’s clothes. His sweet, smiley girl had the thousand-yard stare in the direction of the tiles. Carlisle wished he was capable of vomiting. Anything to reduce the nausea-adjacent dread eating away at his stomach.

Sorry and I’ll be good. The words ate away at him. He didn’t have control of her childhood, but he did have control over his family. He’d permitted them to play truth-or-dare knowing full well how anxious Deirdre was, how volatile she’d become off of her meds, and how nosey his children were. He’d allowed this to happen to Deirdre.

Esme wasn’t faring much better. She didn’t feel others’ emotions like Jasper did, but she might as well have. As soon as Deirdre was warm enough, she would dress her in pyjamas and Carlisle’s sweater, and cuddle her until Deirdre’s brain decided to let Deirdre back out. Esme was scared it would take more than a nap or a sleep.

She could hear the children hanging around the living room. It seemed as though they were breaking their own imposed rules and ending truth-or-dare early. Nessie seemed to be quite upset about Deirdre’s reaction, and Rosalie was also similarly affected. Rosalie had started to cry, and Emmett had begun soothing her.

We need space, Esme thought to Edward. Before your father or I snap.

Edward relayed the message, and the conversation became quieter as their family retreated from the house. Jacob packed up his and Nessie’s food to eat elsewhere on the island.

Once Deirdre was warm, Carlisle helped Esme get her changed and cuddled into bed. Deirdre was still out of it. It didn’t matter what she faced—the ceiling, pillows, or Carlisle—her expression was unchanging.

“You’re a very good girl, Deidre,” Carlisle assured her. Nothing in her face changed. Esme winced. “You’re very good, and we’re very proud of you. And happy with you. We love you very much, Deedee. Playing Truth-or-Dare was scary, wasn’t it? I’m sure swimming was scary, but it wasn’t dangerous. Esme and I were right there, and so were the others. None of us would let you get hurt, Deidre. It was frightening for you, more than we expected. More than Emmett expected, too. He wasn’t trying to hurt you, and we wouldn’t let him hurt you, Deirdre. You were very safe. Esme and I love you. We aren’t upset with you for trying. You were very brave, my love. Very brave…Truth-or-dare is over, now. You’re safe with Esme and I. We love you very much. We’ll always love you. Nothing will change that. You’re safe. You’re a good girl.”

Deirdre softened ever so slightly.

“Close your eyes for me,” Carlisle instructed. He was fully surprised when she listened, although perhaps that wasn’t a good sign. “Good girl. Your honeybee is going to take good care of you. She’s got a lunch concocted, and cuddles on the schedule for the rest of the day. Won’t that be nice?”

Deirdre slightly nodded.

“Good girl,” Carlisle breathed. “You’re our perfect girl. You’re very good. We love you so much. There’s no need to worry or apologize. There’s nothing we can’t work out, my darling. Everything is alright. Rest your heart.”

Deirdre tensed slightly, and Carlisle and Esme froze. “Everything’s alright?” she asked, her voice almost too quiet for a human to register.

“Yes, sweetheart. Everything’s alright,” Carlisle assured. “We’re just worried about you, love.”

Her eyes fluttered open to check he was being truthful, and then an expression of fear lit up her face before she squeezed her eyes shut. Carlisle’s heart shattered.

“You can open your eyes,” he whispered. She opened them. Oh no.

“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, tears coming now. “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t, I didn’t…”

“Shh,” Carlisle soothed, but it was too late. Deirdre’s eyes were wide and alight with fear and she sucked in breaths, her chest heaving.

Esme helped her sit up.

“I’m sorry!” Deirdre sobbed, covering her face. Esme’s arms tightened around her, and Esme looked over to Carlisle in horror.

“Deirdre, sweet Deirdre, you don’t have to heed our every word,” Carlisle said quickly.

This only made Deirdre cry harder. “I will! Please, I’ll do it!”

Esme covered her mouth to stifle her own sob.

“No, Deirdre, you don’t need to, please, we love you as you are,” Carlisle insisted quickly. But hadn’t he been planning her submission earlier this morning? But surely not to this level. He didn’t want to force her submission, he realized. He, no, they needed to earn it from her.

Deirdre’s breaths became faster and more shallow.

“Kitten, duckling, sweet one,” Carlisle took her face in his hands. “Please little one, breathe deeply. You’re safe.”

The breaths became marginally deeper, but much more panicked as they mixed with sobs. Carlisle winced. “No, that’s not what I meant—”

“I’m sorry!” she cried. Oh God, what had he done?

“Deirdre, Deirdre, listen—”

“I will, I promise! Please, please let me!”

Esme hit her breaking point and broke into sobs, her restraint lapsing for a nanosecond. She hugged Deirdre so tightly that two of Deirdre’s ribs cracked. Esme gasped, and Deidre let out a scream. Esme let go, scrambling away and throwing herself to the other side of the room and cracking the wall. Esme looked at Carlisle, petrified she would see rejection in his eyes for what she’d done.

Deirdre sucked in another breath, two hands pressed against her ribs, and she screamed again.

Carlisle rose to stand. “Stop,” he said to Esme. Emergency doctor Carlisle was taking over. Esme froze where she was. “It was an accident,” he said to her softly while Deirdre cried, folding herself over and gasping for air between sobs. “She’ll be okay. She’s frightened and hurting, but it’s just a fracture. We need to calm ourselves before we continue.”

“It’s hard,” Esme whimpered from her spot, her expression contorted in pain.

“I know,” Carlisle assured her. He took a few slow, almost human-paced breaths. “She’s panicking. We have to stop panicking with her, or we can’t help. I don’t know if she had flashbacks or what is going on in her head, but she needs calm reassurance. And we need to calm ourselves first.”

Deirdre sobbed in front of him, and Carlisle gave her his hand to hold while she cried.

“I can’t be calm,” Esme said, shaking. “I hurt her.”

“Barely,” Carlisle said, though he would typically never minimize an injury such as a fractured rib. But in the grand scheme of Deirdre, it was true… their duckling had suffered worse. “I forgive you, and so will she. She’s not crying from fear of you. She’s scared of our rejection, Esme. We need to be calm and reassure her. We have to be strong.”

Esme stood a little taller, closing her eyes and trying to refocus while Deirdre groaned and sobbed on the bed.

When Carlisle was certain he was in control of himself, he kneeled down in front of Deirdre, so they were eye-to-eye.

“Are you trying to be a good girl, Deirdre?”

“Y-yes,” she whimpered.

“I thought so,” he said, slowly beginning lowering his voice to help her calm down. “You’re our good girl, Deidre, aren’t you?”

“I want to b-be,” she hiccupped.

“You don’t have to try, Deirdre. You are our good girl.” He paused slightly between sentences. Her emotions were so heightened that she needed the pauses to process his words. She wasn’t quite herself again, yet, but her eyes were much more lucid. “I want you to listen to me as best as you can, duckling. Can you do that for me?”

Deirdre nodded. Esme was transfixed on her mates, but made no move from her spot against the wall.

“Esme and I love you. Nod if you understand. Good girl. Esme and I love you no matter what. Nod for me. Good girl. Esme and I love you even when you get scared or do something naughty. Understand? Good girl. Esme and I will always love you and protect you. Good girl.” Carlisle kissed her forehead. “Can I tell you something, Deirdre?” he waited until her eyes met his again, and she nodded. “I think this was too soon for you to meet everyone. That’s my fault, my mistake, okay? That’s not your fault for not being ready, my love. I should have been more careful. I love that you tried so hard for us.”

“Are we going home?” Deirdre asked, her voice hoarse. Carlisle nodded.

“I’m going to arrange for us some tickets home. It might be late tonight, or tomorrow. When we’re settled, we can have people come to visit us. Sound good?”

Deirdre nodded, her head hanging. Carlisle tilted it up to meet her eyes again.

“You did such a good job, Deirdre. You met everyone. You talked back to Rosalie. You worked on swimming, and you can swim now, darling. Esme and I are so proud of you.”

Esme peeled herself off the wall. “I’m sorry, Deirdre. I… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t,” Deirdre replied. She tiredly held out a hand for Esme, who took it and sat down beside her.

“What did I ever do to deserve you?” Esme whispered, kissing Deirdre’s shoulder gently.

“Something bad,” Deirdre replied.

“None of that,” Carlisle chided. Deirdre looked guilty.

“Sorry.”

“All forgiven. Be gentle with yourself, my love.”

Deirdre nodded. Carlisle and Esme could still tell she was a bit out of it, but her heart rate had slowed considerably. Esme collected her carefully back into her arms, and the two of them cuddled. Carlisle sat by them, one hand on Esme’s knee, the other on Deirdre’s back, until he was sure they had both calmed down.

“Join us, Carlisle,” Esme requested. Well, he’d better, hadn’t he? And besides, there was nothing sexual about this contact. He moved beside Esme and wrapped his arms around the both of them. There. That was better. Much better.

~~

Horrified would be an understatement.

“I… can’t even begin to express how mortified I am,” I whispered to Esme. The three of us had spent the last two hours cuddled around each other, and now that Carlisle had gotten up to fetch my lunch from the fridge, Esme was helping me untangle my stiff joints from her.

“It’s alright, Deirdre, truly,” Esme said. “You were upset, panicking. We did what we could to help you calm down. It doesn’t need to feel complicated.”

“Your children are going to think I’m psychotic.”

“No, they won’t,” Esme insisted, her hand patting my thigh. “Emmett was foolish enough to do something we all know you’re scared of, for good reason. He feels like an idiot, and the others feel guilty for their part in giving you a literal nightmare.”

“Are we still going home early?” I asked. “We only have three days left.”

Esme pet my hair. “I think Carlisle’s nerves have been frayed, darling. I think we all need a bit of time to ourselves again.” Esme kissed my forehead, seeming to weigh what she was going to say next. “Carlisle and I wanted to tell you everything you wanted to know tonight. Would it be alright if we moved that? I don’t think we can handle that this evening.”

I nodded. “I understand.”

“Thank you, Deirdre.”

Esme kissed my cheek and pulled me back to her. I let my arms snake around her and I hummed in appreciation. Despite the temperature of her, there was nothing I liked more than being in her and Carlisle’s embrace.

“Five more minutes,” I requested against her neck. She giggled.

“As you wish.”

When five minutes was up, Carlisle came to collect me to eat something.

“May I take a look at your ribs?” he asked, hovering near my seat at the bar.

“Yeah, of course,” I said, tugging up his sweater he’d put me in. He held onto the fabric, his other cool hand running over the skin.

“Does it hurt when you breathe?” he asked softly. His hair was a little messed up, and I smoothed it back into place before remembered I needed to answer him.

“Not really, unless I breathe really deeply, or push the air out hard.”

“Would it be alright if I felt for fragments? It will likely hurt, but I promise to be quick.”

“Sure.”

He felt along my ribs. I winced, but didn’t complain.

“All done,” he said softly, pulling the sweater down. “Ice, painkillers, and rest.”

“Thank you, Doctor Belizaire.”

Carlisle chuckled. “Let me get you some ice, Miss Woods.”

He walked over to the freezer and withdrew a bag of peas inside of a plastic bag.

“Would you read Esme and I a story after lunch?” I asked. Carlisle’s mouth twitched into a smile.

“Sure, darling. Did you have one in mind?”

“I don’t know what books you have here,” I said. He walked over and held the ice pack to my ribs.

“Well, there are many of the classics. Dante’s Inferno, The Pilgrim’s Progress, War and Peace,”

“Maybe we could pull something up on my phone. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, maybe. Something not so serious.”

“That’s a very good plan.” Carlisle was holding the peas to my ribs, so he couldn’t move away when I put my hand over his heart.

I studied him. His eyes were darker than this morning, and his hair was still slightly dishevelled. “Are you alright?”

Carlisle’s free hand covered mine. “I feel much better, now that you’re feeling better. I… I don’t want to seem self-centred, but it’s distressing for me when you get like that. I feel helpless.”

“I’m sorry I distressed you.”

“You didn’t mean to, it wasn’t your fault, Deedee.”

“Maybe so,” I said, not really willing to say it wasn’t my fault. “Still isn’t fun to be distressed, to feel helpless...”

Carlisle nodded. He looked his age, for a long moment. “I was scared something broke in you, and I hadn’t stopped it from happening.”

I looked over at Esme. She had the same grave expression.

“That sounds scary,” I said to him. He nodded slowly. “Can I give you a hug?” I thought for a moment he might say no, but he set the peas down and I slipped off the bar stool to wrap my arms around him. His arms embraced me until I was held secure against him. I could feel how tense his body was, and after a minute, how he marginally relaxed.

“Just a little longer, please,” he said softly.

“I’m all yours,” I whispered back. “Mr. Wait-Til-Marriage.”

“Emmett’s an officiant,” Carlisle murmured. “I have the rings in my bag.”

I giggled. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

Carlisle was quiet for a moment, and I thought he was ignoring my joke. “Es, a little support, please,” Carlisle said weakly.

“I don’t know, I’m not opposed, either,” Esme said. “We can send the children to the other side of the island for the night.”

“Alice will be terribly disappointed,” Carlisle argued, but his heart wasn’t in it.

“She can plan the vow renewal,” I murmured into his neck. “Shall I put on one of those horrid nightgowns?”

Esme laughed and Carlisle kissed my head and held me at arm’s length, breathing slowly, eyes closed. “You two are wearing down my resolve,” he complained.

“Is your heart really set on a wedding?” I asked. He nodded, eyes still closed. “Alright,” I said, peeling one hand off my shoulder and kissing his palm. “We’ll be good then, right honeybee?”

“Right,” Esme said, biting her lip.

“You can open your eyes, flittermouse. Your purity is still intact.”

Carlisle’s eyes opened, deep topaz as he assessed me. He seemed… bashful. It was gorgeous on him.

“Maybe Esme better take you diving tonight,” I suggested. Carlisle groaned and Esme laughed.

Carlisle did the dishes, and Esme helped me move the puzzle to the living room.

“Kind of a bummer we didn’t get to finish our game,” I said, hunting for a piece I’d probably never find.

“Did you have a question you wanted to ask?” Esme inquired.

“I wanted to know Carlisle’s dirtiest fantasy about me,”

Carlisle wiped his wet hands and walked over to where I sat with Esme. He kneeled down and caressed my cheek. I think my eyes were the size of saucers.

“Pass.”

My mouth fell open and Esme snorted behind me. “Carlisle, no! How could you? Darling, please!”

“Sorry,” he replied gently, fighting a smile. “Perhaps another day, when I’m not feeling so susceptible to your pleas and sweet eyes.”

He did sit down to work on the puzzle with me and Esme. We were all quiet for a few minutes, and things felt almost normal.

“Is anyone close enough to hear?” I asked after a long minute.

“No,” Esme said.

I swallowed. “I, um, I mean, you probably both figured this out already, but…” I trailed off, feeling a little embarrassed. “When I was in the water, it just reminded me of when they used to dunk my head in the potato bowl for being disobedient. And I just felt really bad about not listening. And that was what my nightmare was about too, but the pastor’s voice was in my head, telling me to be obedient.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, and Esme carefully hugged me, kissing my cheek.

“You’re safe, DeeDee.”

“I know,” I replied. “Logically I do, I promise.”

Esme pulled back and wiped my tears.

“You don’t feel safe all the time,” Carlisle specified. I nodded guiltily, and he continued. “That will come over time.

“Right,” I agreed. It felt… actually good to explain myself. “I…” I trailed off, but Carlisle gave me a little nod, waiting for me to continue. “I keep worrying you’ll change your minds, or get tired of me being anxious.” I breathed again to steady myself, looking to Carlisle. He looked sad. “I didn’t think swimming would bother me like that,” I admitted. Esme nodded a little.

“The important thing is you’re safe. We wouldn’t let you do something truly dangerous, right Carlisle?”

“That’s right,” he agreed quietly. “And we will never tire of you, Deirdre. We’ll work on your anxiety, sweetheart.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, but he stopped himself.

“You can say what you want to,” I told him. He ruminated on that for a minute.

“The next time we seem overbearing,” he said softly. “I want you to know that this is what we are afraid of.”

I gave a little nod. “That’s fair.”

We were quiet again for a few minutes.

“Thank you for telling us, duckling,” Carlisle said softly.

“Welcome.”

I managed to find four pieces over the course of twenty minutes or so. I had suspicions that they were moving pieces closer to me to find, but I didn’t feel like ruining the magic.

“Are Jacob and Nessie going to come eat lunch?” I asked after a while.

“They went and ate outside,” Esme admitted. “But they’re on the beach now. They’re trying to give us space.”

“I don’t mind if they come inside,” I said. “I don’t mind seeing everyone. I think I’ve met my embarrassment threshold. There’s nothing more I can do to embarrass myself in front of them.”

“Well,” Esme said, checking my expression and Carlisle’s. “I think the kids would like to apologize.”

I groaned. “Don’t make them do that. That’s worse, somehow. I’m fine, really. I mean, as fine as I usually am.”

The door slid open, and Alice rushed in, Jasper following behind. Jacob and Nessie were there, too, and the others in the background. Alice zipped right over.

“Deirdre, I saw you in the nightgown for a moment, and you were so cute! Won’t you try it on tonight? Just for a moment? I’ll curl your hair and you can spin in it and then send Carlisle and Esme off to go ‘diving’.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.

Chapter Text

Chapter 26

Carlisle had lapped the house so many times he was crushing the snow into an icy ring. Esme stood on the back porch, listening to the soft breaths of one mate, and the rapid footfalls of the other. She felt a sense of relief when the footfalls began to slow, and she could hear him walking at a human pace. Carlisle rarely ran to blow off steam. He rarely ever needed to blow off steam. He typically worked through his problems with her, or Edward, or alone in his office, contemplating until things were right; until he had a plan. But after Bella’s pregnancy and the whole Volturi fiasco, his ability to handle stress had been somewhat reduced. It didn’t help any that their sweet Deirdre was a little extra fragile.

And who made her so vulnerable? Who poked and prodded at the worst of her memories?

Esme frowned. They’d been so eager to have her, to help her, to make her whole, that they’d bypassed some of the parts that required more slow, tender care. And while Esme certainly felt guilty, as did Carlisle, she felt a little differently than her husband about the situation. Deirdre would know, in time, that they had her best interests at heart. It was in her best interest to quit the long-term care home. It was in her best interest to eat healthy meals, get lots of sleep, and rest. It was in her best interest to be pushed into some creative ventures—projects she could work on and see flourish under her own hand. In short, it was in Deirdre’s best interest to be with her and Carlisle. Growing pains were a natural part of a relationship.

The steady crunch of feet in the snow tuned Esme into the direction to face. Before long, Carlisle was emerging from the trees, deep in thought, at a human stroll.

“Flittermouse,” she murmured. Carlisle’s lips twitched, and he raised his eyes to meet hers.

“Honeybee.”

Esme found herself smiling. “It’s really grown on me.”

Carlisle smiled. “I always thought it was perfect for you.”

Carlisle’s hands moved from her shoulders down to her hips, and he pulled Esme closer for a kiss. It was guilt-free reassurance. He needed the touch of a mate. Truth be told, it was killing him to resist Deirdre, and ripping his heart to shreds to hold back from her. He could tell she needed touch as reassurance, and he did his best to provide what he could. He would have to ask Alice about the possibility of moving the wedding up another week.

“I ordered a pool. It’ll be installed next week,” Esme said. Carlisle’s eyebrows rose.

“I thought they wouldn’t install until the spring?”

“I was very persuasive. And Alice texted me a few hints on how to persuade them.”

“Excellent. That will be…”

He paused. It could be a number of things. Traumatizing. Anxiety-inducing. Resilience-building…

“Fun,” Esme filled in for him. “And good for Deirdre. To build her confidence, and exercise during the pandemic. Especially when the bugs get bad here, I don’t want her outside getting bit and bleeding all the time.”

“Right, yes,” he agreed. Esme was right. Her head was on straight. She was worrying just the normal amount, not like he was. “Has Alice mentioned if she’ll like it?”

Esme smiled. “Alice has said it shifts a bit, but she will get used to it. She’s sending some more swimsuits.”

“Hm. To Deirdre’s tastes our ours?”

“To Deirdre’s tastes. Allegedly,” Esme added, her smile widening. Truth be told, she was curious to see what selections Alice would bring, and which ones Deirdre would object to. Esme had seen the red bikini when they were packing their bags on the island, and Deirdre had turned the most delicious shade of pink as Esme had studied them. “I’ve ordered a few as well, just in case.” While Deirdre’s blushes were so lovely on her, Esme knew getting her to swim was already enough of a demand on her nerves.

Carlisle pressed a kiss to Esme’s forehead. “Thank you. Thank you for arranging everything.”

“Of course,” Esme assured. “It’ll be good for her. And us. All three of us.”

“Yes,” he agreed softly. It would. And it would be the perfect non-sexual excuse for the physical contact he and Deirdre craved from each other.

“They’re installing a hot tub as well,” Esme said, wiggling her eyebrows.

Carlisle grinned. “Good idea.”

Esme tucked herself into Carlisle’s chest. “She’s slept soundly so far.”

“I know. I stayed close enough to hear. Not that I don’t trust you with her, it’s just…”

Esme smiled sadly. “It’s nerve-wracking to be out of earshot?”

Carlisle nodded.

“I’m worried about you,” Esme admitted to him. “I don’t like seeing you like this. We need to find a way for you to feel better again.”

Carlisle winced. He thought he was hiding it better. “I’ll be alright, Es.”

“Don’t pretend around me. That’s not what I want,” she said. “Like Deirdre, you have to communicate with us. What you feel, what you need. How we can help.”

Carlisle closed his eyes. “I should have never made her promise to go,” he said, wincing. He couldn’t bear to look at Esme. “It was coercive, cruel, and horribly selfish.”

Esme looked stunned at her guilty spouse. “Oh darling, do you really feel that way?”

Carlisle buried his face in her neck, refusing to answer until he could steady his tone. It took longer than he would’ve liked. “Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

“I’m certain she has already,” Esme assured him, running her fingers through his hair. She squeezed her mate tightly. “Carlisle, she loves you. She loves me, she loves us, and we love her back. We’ve been trying to get her to open up, and now she has. You’re a doctor, my love, and we’ve found her wounds. Now we need to treat them.”

Carlisle pulled back, his eyes glassy as he studied Esme and thought. “I’ve had so many ideas,” he admitted, “But I don’t know what she’ll agree to, now.”

Esme ran her hands up and down his arms. She was in problem-solving mode. Sure, they needed to course-correct about a few things with Deirdre, but there was no reason to panic. She needed to show Carlisle that. “Why don’t you write them down for her, and let her go through your notes? Write your explanations, let her process the information before discussing with you.”

“That sounds excellent,” he murmured, staring off and beginning to plan already. “Best to give her a day or two before laying that on her. She’s caught a bit of a cold, I’m afraid.”

“I can hear it in her breathing,” Esme confirmed. She brightened, smiling up at her husband. “I think cuddles and movies and tea might be in order.”

Carlisle gave a little nod, his gaze far away. “I wanted to offer to tell her everything when she gets up. I don’t want her to think we’re hiding it from her.”

Esme nodded solemnly. “Movies will be good after.”

Both vampires froze when they heard Deirdre suck in a deep breath. Her heartbeat began to pick up.

“We should wake her,” Carlisle said. They both moved inside, opening the door to the bedroom in a flash.

Esme turned the lamp on, and Carlisle took her hand, bending down so he wasn’t looming over her. “Deirdre, sweetheart. Are you having a bad dream?”

She sucked in a breath, her eyes fluttering open. Her fingers tightened around Carlisle’s. Carlisle and Esme waited for her to say something, but she didn’t. Her eyes scanned the room.

“Duckling?” Carlisle said after a long pause. “Your heart was racing. Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Deirdre said slowly. With her free hand, she rubbed over her heart. “Where are we?”

“Home,” Esme said. Her lips quirked into a smile. “Welcome to Alaska.”

Deirdre’s eyes wandered across the room again, and her mates waited patiently for her to form her question. “Is the whole house this big?”

“Yes,” Carlisle answered. The bedroom was easily twice the size of their last in the bungalow. The bed was closer to the windows here, and then there was a sitting area closer to the door with deep, plush couches and a gas fireplace.

“It’s pretty,” Deirdre said softly, sitting back.

Esme got on the bed, sitting cross-legged. “Were you having a bad dream?” she asked, circling back around to Carlisle’s original question.

Deirdre nodded. She took her free hand and rubbed the back of Carlisle’s hand. “You’re freezing,” she told him.

“Oops. I was outside,” he said, retracting his hand and trying to warm them up with friction. He sat on the edge of the bed.

Deirdre rubbed her eyes, still not quite fully awake. “Did you hunt?”

“No. I was just walking.”

“Oh, okay,” she chewed on her lip, quiet for a minute before gathering the courage to ask her question. “Are you alright? You seem upset.”

Carlisle pursed his lips, deciding on the phrasing. “I feel guilty about how things went on the island. I was just trying to think of how to make thing right with you.”

“Don’t worry, flittermouse,” Deirdre said. She reached for his chilly hand, tugging it until he came closer. “I know you didn’t mean for things to end up like that. I didn’t know things would end up like that.”

“I know, but I should’ve—”

“Should have what? Alice is the psychic, right? Not you.”

Carlisle took a slow breath. “I know, but—”

“Carlisle Flittermouse Cullen,” Deirdre took on a firm tone, and Carlisle let out a surprised laugh. “Come here and give me a hug.”

“I’m too cold to hug you right now,” he protested.

“You’re chilly, but it’s worth it. Come here.”

Carlisle’s eyes flicked to Esme, who nodded in encouragement at him. He moved closer, and Deirdre wrapped her arms around him.

“You’re a little warm,” he murmured.

“I’m very warm, comparatively,” she replied.

“That’s not what I meant—” Carlisle said. She shivered, and he tried to pull away, but her grip tightened.

“I’m not done,” she complained. He stopped. He liked how blunt she was in the moment. It made it harder for him to put up walls.

“Duckling, perhaps I should take a quick shower, warm up for you. I don’t want you to get chilled.”

“We live in Alaska now,” Deirdre mumbled. “Stop talking. Breathe. Relax.”

Esme tried to hide her smile as her husband looked bewildered. Deirdre nuzzled his chest and shivered again, but relaxed.

Deirdre swallowed and spoke. “I had a nightmare that I woke up in the compound, and that everything had been a dream.”

Carlisle softened. No wonder she wanted to be held, even if he was ice cold. “Deidre, that’s…”

“Awful.” She filled in for him.

“Yes.”

“Can you hug me a little tighter, then? Please?”

Carlisle kissed the top of her head. “Tight enough?”

“Tighter. Tighter. There, that’s perfect,” she breathed.

Esme moved a little closer. She wasn’t jealous of Carlisle, per se, but she wanted to be involved with comforting her mates, one sad and the other sick. She put a hand on Deirdre’s lower back, and Deirdre shivered. Her sweet little nose scrunched up as she winced involuntarily, then she reached out a hand for Esme. Esme accepted, bringing the fingers to her mouth for chilly kisses. Deirdre shivered harder and let out a soft groan. Carlisle loosened his grip even as Deirdre tightened hers.

“No,” she whined, her teeth beginning to chatter.

“We’re too cold for you, duckling,” Carlisle explained. He was nearly as disappointed as she was. “Let’s get you tucked back into bed.”

“I don’t want to sleep more,” Deirdre whined, her eyes barely open. “I’m not tired. I’m too awake.”

Esme and Carlisle shared a look. “Es, do you smell smoke?” Carlisle asked. “I think someone’s panties are on fire.”

“Hey!” Deirdre pouted, crossing her arms. “I just don’t want to be alone,” she grumbled, pulling the covers up to her chin.

“That’s perfectly acceptable, my love,” Carlisle assured her, patting her tummy over the blanket. “We can stay with you.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” she murmured, eyelids fluttering. She raised a hand weakly to cover a cough. “I don’t want you to be bored,” she finished her thought.

“We’d never be bored with you around,” Esme said gently. She brushed hair away from Deirdre’s forehead, and Deirdre shivered.

“What do you do while I sleep these days?” she mumbled. Her eyelids closed.

“We talk, and read, and knit,” Carlisle replied.

“Talk ‘bout me?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes we talk about what we’d like to do with you the next day, or how wonderful you are,”

The last comment made Deirdre scrunch her nose, and Carlisle stopped to smooth the wrinkles out with his finger. Carlisle had the urge to bury her in compliments until she got too tired to scrunch her nose, and would just accept them. Oh well. Everything in its time.

Deirdre settled back into the pillows, fast asleep with minutes.

When Carlisle turned to look at Esme, she was beaming. His own lips slipped into a smile. “Why are you smiling so?” he asked her.

“I’m happy for you, and Deirdre. She’s exhausted, but she’s been so honest. That’s a big step. She told you what she wanted without us having to guess, she volunteered information about her dream, she chided you… those are some big steps for her.”

Carlisle looked down at Deirdre. Her lips were parted, allowing her to breathe even though her nose was stuffy. He resisted the strange urge to reach over and touch her tongue with his index finger. It would probably be soft, and warm…

“Well, at very least the trip has helped us communicate,” Carlisle admitted, answering his wife. Good thing he couldn’t blush, and good thing Esme couldn’t read his filthy thoughts. Poor Deirdre needed to sleep, not have fingers stuck in her adorable, pouty mouth.

Esme carefully moved some hair away from Deirdre’s face, careful not to touch her lover’s warm skin with her frigid fingers. “I don’t want to say it was worth it, but what a marvelous takeaway, all things considered.”

“All things considered,” Carlisle echoed, looking down at his sleeping beauty. “As far as the morning, perhaps we should solidify our plan.”

Esme nodded. They’d had the chance in the airport and car to go over some ideas. Poor Deirdre had been out of it—Esme had given her some sleeping pills crushed up in a smoothie before they left the island, and traveling really sucked the energy from her to begin with. The dear one spent the entire trip home asleep or shuffling along in the airport, guided by Carlisle.

“We can let her get up on her own,” Esme suggested. “She’s a bit used to that from the trip. But we’ll let her suggest her own activities for the day, and get her meals.”

Carlisle nodded. “I’d like to get her breakfast. That way I can suggest the vitamins I want her to take.”

Esme hummed. “I wonder if a small breakfast would work best? She’s been so resistant to eating in the morning.”

“I agree. I’d rather keep her somewhat in the habit of eating breakfast than maximize her calories at this stage.”

“Perfect,” Esme agreed. “You two can breach the topic during your therapy sessions. I’ve got the spare room nearly finished for it.”

Carlisle smiled. “Thank you. I don’t think the sessions will be particularly pleasant, at least for the start. It’s better to have her associate those feelings with a spare room than our bedroom, or the living room.”

“Of course. And it gave me an excuse to make a cozy spot for her.”

Carlisle smiled. He’d seen what Esme had done. The room was tiny in comparison to the rest of the house. At one time, he suspected it had been a nursery. Now it held a daybed, a bookshelf, an armchair and a super plush area rug. There was also a tiny desk by the window, supplied with an anxiety workbook and gel pens.

“You did a wonderful job with it, Es.”

Esme smiled. “Thank you.”

The pair turned to watch their human mate. Deirdre still had a hint of pink across her nose and cheeks. She was slightly more tanned then when they’d left. Her mouth was slightly open, as she couldn’t breathe through her nose.

“I’m going to miss this, when she’s turned,” Esme murmured.

“I will, as well,” Carlisle replied, letting his undead heart be soothed by the sound of her slow breaths and steady heartbeat.

~~

I woke up a little disoriented. I vaguely remembered the planes, being tugged along by the hand though airports, being offered food and drink, fluorescent lights, and sleeping with my head on Esme’s lap. I remembered chilly hands, and waking with a start, and hugging a chilly Carlisle. But now I was waking up alone under a heavy, white duvet. The floors were light hardwood, the walls a soft sage, and the view out the window nothing but white snow, white sky, and snow-covered pine trees. Off to the side was a sitting area, with a plush chaise and armchair nestled around a gas fireplace. The room was huge.

Getting out of bed, I realized I’d been dressed in Esme’s track pants and Carlisle’s sweater. The two of them had been offering me their clothes quite a bit since my mental breakdown. I remembered when Esme had complained about Rosalie’s scent on me. Maybe it soothed them that I had their scents.

I wasn’t sure if I should be glad or worried that no one was smothering me in kisses and cuddles the moment I woke up. I guessed correctly on the door to the bathroom, going pee before washing my hands and face. I put my hair up, too tired to shower—my chest felt a bit tight, and my body a bit sore—and so I decided to soothe my worry and find my fiancés.

The house was modern, but the textures were still cozy, with light colours and natural wood on the main floor. While the Washington state home had also been light and cozy, this place was much more open, and dare I say, much more luxurious.

“There’s our girl,” Carlisle said, tucking a finger into his book to give me his full attention. Esme had her feet on his lap, and was crocheting something. She smiled when I met her gaze.

“Good morning,” I said, taking the rest of the stairs carefully.

“It’s actually almost 2PM,” Esme said.

“Oops,” I said with a smile.

“You needed the sleep,” Esme replied, very smile widening.

I walked around the massive, U-shaped couch and climbed on to cuddle up beside her. The seat of the couch was deep, and it was ridiculously comfortable. I slipped my arm around one of hers, leaning on her shoulder. I was a bit surprised and unnerved that she hadn’t put down her needle and yarn to put an arm around me.

“This place is beautiful,” I said, looking out on the ‘backyard’.

“I’m glad you like it,” Carlisle said, setting his book aside. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired,” I admitted. And then, guiltily, I admitted: “It’s nice to be just the three of us again.”

Carlisle got up and came over to sit beside me, pulling me so I leaned against him. He wrapped his arms around me and gave me a gentle squeeze and a kiss on the top of my head. Mm. That was more like it. And surprising, coming from Carlisle instead of Esme.

“Not that I dislike the others,” I added. “I’m sure I’ll get used to them…”

“You will,” Esme said. 

I let my head rest against Carlisle’s shoulder, and I sighed. He chuckled.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he said. “We picked up your medication on our way home last night. Can I bring you your pills and some breakfast?”

“Sure,” I agreed easily. “I’m not that hungry, though.”

He settled me against Esme, who finally set her crocheting aside. Her cold hand slipped under my shirt and rested gently over my ribs where they were sore.

“I know just the thing,” he said. He sounded happy and relaxed.

I looked over at Esme, who smiled wider when I met her eyes.

“Hey,” I said softly. I was relieved to have her focus on me: I had started worrying I’d upset her somehow. Her gaze made me feel warm and silly.

“Hey,” she replied, kissing my cheek. I reached out, my hand resting on her cheek, and pulled her down to kiss me.

Her hand under my shirt reached around to my back to pull me closer to her. I shivered and she pulled me tighter. After a few minutes she pulled away, letting me catch my breath. I leaned against the couch cushion, still on her lap. “I missed you,” I said, taking her free hand and pressing her palm to my mouth.

“I missed you, too. We’ll have to catch up on kisses, don’t you think?”

“I might need some lip balm,” I replied, and Esme laughed. Carlisle shook his head in the kitchen, smiling as he put a slice of bread in the toaster. “You can get in on the kiss-fest, too,” I offered. “If you give Emmett a call and ask him to bring his tux.”

Carlisle pulled out a half dozen pill bottles and, at vampire speed, selected my cocktail of tablets and capsules with a silly little smile on his lips. “That’s very tempting, my love.”

“It’s meant to be tempting,” I teased, but I went back to focusing on Esme. Her hair was so smooth between my fingers. “What are you making?”

“A blanket,” she said simply.

“The colours are pretty,” I said. She smiled.

“I’m using the colours you picked for the embroidery thread you got me for Christmas. I just ordered yarn in the same colours. It’s turning out nicely, isn’t it?”

She pulled out five crocheted squares and let me look at them. The colours were a greenish teal, pale yellow, baby blue, and a deep pink.

“I’d never put these colours together, but they look really nice,” I said.

“I thought so, too. And technically, you did pick out the colours, duckling.”

“True,” I conceded. I examined the squares. “You’re very good,” I murmured.

“Thank you,” Esme said. She was so beautiful, and it was weird to stop and think about that in the middle of our normal conversation. “I used to knit and crochet a lot when I first became a vampire. It helped me adjust to my strength.”

I ran a finger over the pink section in the middle of one of the squares—a flower. “Will you teach me how to crochet when I’m a vampire?”

“If you’d like, I can teach you now.”

“I don’t think I’d be very good at it,” I told her. “I’ve tried knitting before.”

“You’re allowed to not be good at it,” Esme replied.

“Hm,” I twirled her hair with one of my fingers. It would feel like a waste to use up her yarn when I wouldn’t be any good. At least if I messed up as a vampire, it would be in the process of adjusting to my strength.

Carlisle returned to us, in his first trip bringing a plate with buttered toast and a mug of chocolate milk, then in the next trip bringing an armful of pill bottles. He gave a presentation on each vitamin and supplement, and on my anxiety medication, explaining what it was for, showing me the bottle and what the capsules looked like, and explaining why he wanted me to take it.

I had to take the pills in three groups, but Carlisle was visibly more calm when I’d finished. He re-filled my chocolate milk, and then regaled me about our adventure home, since I had been asleep for most of it, or in a state of semi-sleep.

I held my hand out to him. He accepted it, kissing my palm before holding my hand in his lap.

“You seem a lot better than last night,” I said. “More relaxed.”

He played with my fingers. “I do feel a lot better. I’m so sorry for putting you in such a vulnerable situation, on the island.”

I leaned against him. “Don’t worry about it. Some of it was fun.” I tried to give him a squeeze. He looked sad, upset again. “Flittermouse, don’t be sad, please. It’s not like anyone tried to eat me.”

Carlisle’s face was serious. “I should have done more to protect you. I could have…” he looked to Esme. “We could have set more rules with the children…”

“You shouldn’t need to protect me from your family,” I said. “But it’s not their fault what I’m like, either, right? It’s not like they scared off a normal person.”

Carlisle’s lips twitched as he tried not to smile. “You’re not an abnormal person, Deirdre.”

“Be honest, Carlisle. I’m a little bit weird.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, my love. You’re perfect.” He kissed my temple and I let myself relax into him. Maybe I was a little strange, but I was discovering that Carlisle and Esme were also a little strange—they just masked it better. So maybe we could all be a little strange together.

“What’s the plan for today?” I asked.

“The plan is to talk,” Esme said, setting aside her crochet project aside once more in order to cuddle up on my free side.

“Talk about…?” I replied.

“Everything,” Carlisle said, his voice soft. “Everything you wanted to know, and some things you probably don’t.”

“We’ve committed to telling you everything,” Esme said. “And we talked last night about how we didn’t want to keep pushing it off. It’s not fair to you.”

I sunk into the couch. It took me a minute to gather up the words. “Do… Do we have to do it today? I mean, do you both have your hearts set on it?”

They exchanged a glance. “No,” Carlisle said slowly. “We’ve pushed it off a few times, though, Deirdre. Is there a reason you’d like to put it off again?”

“Can’t we give it a few days before we dive into the heavy conversations?” I asked. My tummy was full and I felt exhausted again.

“Of course, duckling,” Esme assured me, although it didn’t come easily. I pet her hair. Her eyes closed, and she smiled. “I don’t think any of us are in the mood for it at the moment.”

“I’m certainly not,” Carlisle murmured. I kissed his cheek and he went back to reading.

At some point I fell asleep again. When I groggily sat up, I noticed the room was dim, save for the fire flickering in the gas fireplace. Esme was drawing something on her tablet, and Carlisle was scrolling through something on his.

“Did I fall asleep again?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.

Carlisle grimaced, fighting to maintain a normal expression. “It’s normal for the body to have a recovery period after a stressful or traumatic event.”

I laid back down. “This couch is too comfy. I might sleep forever.”

Esme chuckled. “We’d let you, if your stomach wasn’t rumbling so much. Now that you’re awake, why don’t you have something to eat?”

“Do we have groceries?”

“Mhm. All of our normal fare.”

 I yawned and pulled back the blanket that had been tucked over me. “Yeah, I’ll have something.”

“Alright. Just let me know if you’d like help, darling.”

I folded the blanket and set it aside, standing and scrutinizing my fiancés.

“Everything alright, my love?” Carlisle asked. I melted a little at his word choice.

“I was going to ask the same,” I admitted, scratching my arm. “Are you two upset with me?”

They exchanged a glance.

“No,” Esme said slowly, looking to Carlisle.

“That was a very suspicious no,” I replied.

Carlisle set his tablet aside. “We discussed letting you do more of your own chores. It’s good for your self-esteem.”

I could feel my cheeks heat up. I wasn’t entirely sure if I was embarrassed, mad, or a bit of both. “Wow, I get to do my own chores? I really feel like a grown-up.”

Carlisle sighed. “Perhaps I didn’t articulate myself well—”

“No, you articulated fine,” I said, walking off to the kitchen. “I’m a big girl now.”

Esme was fighting a smile. “You’ve always been a big girl, duckling. It’s so easy for me to cook for you, but it’s good for your confidence to do some of those tasks independently. That’s what Carlisle meant to say.”

“Alright.”

I don’t know why I was upset. On Isle Esme, I mostly tried to get Es to let me cook.

“Deirdre,” Esme murmured, coming up behind me as I studied the pantry. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. You know I love to cook for you…”

“I know,” I replied. I tried to not be frustrated, pawing through the pantry as Esme hovered behind me. Everything was ingredients to make things—there was no Hamburger Helper or Kraft Dinner or Rice-a-roni. I decided on breakfast for dinner, finding I didn’t have the energy for much more than that.

“Let me know if you need help,” Esme repeated, retreating to the couch.

“I’ve got it.”

It took me a while to find everything I needed. By the end, I was exhausted, which was ridiculous.

“I think the anxiety medication is making me tired. I never used to get this tired,” I said, scraping the eggs onto my plate.

“You’re developing a cold, love,” Carlisle said. “Cooking’s quite enough of a physical task in your state. How about a nice cup of tea after dinner?”

“No thanks,” I said, pulling myself onto the barstool. I didn’t have the energy to eat for a few minutes. “You didn’t mention I’m developing a cold.”

“I thought you could tell, sweetheart. You’ve been fatigued all day,” Carlisle replied, thumbing through a thick book.

“I thought we were chalking that up to the trauma?”

“Well, I’m certain it’s a contributing factor, but judging from the sound of your lungs, you’ll be coughing before long. You’re a bit warm as well.”

“Isn’t there something I can take?” I asked him. “Like extra vitamin C?”

“I’m quite happy with the supplements you’ve already had today, although I can make you a cup of Emergen-C if you’d like.”

“No thanks, flittermouse.”

I ate a few bites of my food, finding quickly that I wasn’t very hungry after all. I cleared my plate and set it in the sink. Then I looked over to Esme, who was looking at me. I winced, turning back to the sink to pick up my dish. I was tired, but I’d been pretty much asked to take care of myself. I remembered the kind of reaction I would’ve got in high school if I’d left a plate unwashed.

“What’s wrong?”

Her voice just behind me made me flinch, and I yelped, dropping the plate and retracting my arms back to my body. Esme’s hand snapped out and grabbed the plate before it could clatter in the sink. Her other hand smoothed down my back.

“Little one,” she said softly. “I’m sorry I scared you. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly, reaching for the dish. She let me take it, her arms circling my waist while I scrubbed it clean. When I was done, she gave me a squeeze.

“Would you tell me what’s wrong, please?”

I didn’t answer for a minute. I didn’t know how to explain. “I…feel like I forgot how to take care of myself. I just feel stupid.”

“Oh, honey. I’m sorry.”

Esme turned me to face her, and then hugged me again. “I’m the one who should be feeling stupid. I completely bulldozed you any time you tried to do chores for the last few months, then asked you to pick it up again when you’re feeling under the weather.”

“You’re not stupid,” I said into her shoulder. “Maybe a little bit of help would be good, though…”

“Of course, duckling.”

I peeled myself away to look to Carlisle. He was watching the pair of us from the couch, but when I looked over he got up and zipped to be by our sides.

“Do we have permission to spoil you until you’re better?”

“Yes.”

“Perfect.”

Carlisle scooped me up and brought me back to the couch. So in the matter of a few hours, we’d gone from cuddles to I should be independent back to them taking care of me. My independence streak certainly didn’t last long. But as a cough bubbled in my chest, I found myself glad they’d reneged on their plan.

By the next morning I felt terrible. Carlisle’s assertiveness was a welcome relief, and I drank what he told me to, took what he gave me, and slept where he put me.

Esme’s chilly fingers slipped into my hair and I flinched.

“Sorry, duckling. You’re awfully warm, though.”

“Her temperature is high, but not to a concerning degree,” Carlisle said. He had just laid me down on the couch after helping me change into fresh pyjamas.

Esme’s fingers ran over my face and down my neck. I shuddered, but managed to grab her hand before she retracted it. “Feels nice,” I mumbled, pressing her hand to my forehead.

“Oh, I’m sorry you’re feeling so rotten, duckling.”

I blinked up at her. “Could we go outside?”

“Not today,” Carlisle said. “I checked with Alice. Your fever should go down in the next hour. By then, you’ll be chilled.”

He did put his cold hand on my ankle as he read his medical journal. Esme took out her iPad to read while her one hand stayed in service to me on my forehead.

“I don’t have the plague, do I?”

“No, you don’t,” Carlisle said kindly. “Nor do you have Covid-19. The day after tomorrow you’ll start to feel better.”

I groaned. “That feels like forever from now.”

“I know, little one. Would you like some Tylenol?”

“I’d prefer a cuddle,” I grumbled. I felt guilty almost instantly afterwards, and quickly blinked to try to stop the tears.

“Deirdre?”

Shoot, he noticed. I felt my face screw up and I rolled to face the couch.

“Duckling, what’s wrong?” Esme asked.

“Nothing!” I said quickly. I covered my face.

“Deirdre,” Carlisle murmured. His hand retracted from my ankle.

I could feel myself spiraling quickly. Why couldn’t I just listen to Carlisle? Why couldn’t I respect his boundaries? What was wrong with me that—

I let out a yelp as Carlisle picked me up and sat me on his lap.

“Sorry,” I blurted. “I’m sorry, and I don’t need a cuddle. I’m okay with your hand on my foot. If that’s still on the table,” I ended off in a whisper, shrinking under his gaze.

“Duckling,” he replied softly. “You’re being too harsh on yourself.”

“I shouldn’t be asking,” I said. I was talking to his tummy, and he gently lifted my chin to meet his eyes.

“We like when you ask for what you want, my love. Then we don’t have to worry about predicting what you need. If I can’t help, Esme will. Right Es?”

“Right,” Esme agreed. “Can I have you for a cuddle?”

I looked to Carlisle, and he nodded. I crawled off his lap and moved over to Esme.

“That’s my girl. Mm.”

I felt myself blush as I closed my eyes and relaxed into her embrace.

Chapter Text

Chapter 27

The next few days were not so good. On the bright side, I recovered from my cold pretty quickly. I just couldn’t get over the residual fatigue. It was terrible. The bad was that Carlisle had sweet talked me into starting ‘therapy’ sessions twice a week, and Esme had revealed that they’d found someone to come install a pool.

“I thought you were kidding about the pool,” I’d said as evenly as I could, tearing apart the piece of toast Carlisle had made for me after I had insisted that I wasn’t hungry enough to make breakfast. Unsurprisingly, I’d quickly lost my appetite. I licked my buttery fingers, and Esme watched, before shaking her head to herself.

“You’ve made such good progress with your swimming,” she said. “Besides, once it gets buggy outside, you won’t want to go for walks.”

“We could get a treadmill,” I replied quickly.

Esme’s brows raised slightly, but she tried to keep her face neutral. Patient. “We already have one for you. It’s in the basement. But swimming works all sorts of muscles, and it’s supposed to be quite a relaxing activity.”

I frowned. I felt like sinking into the couch, but I knew I should push back. “Probably more relaxing for people who don’t have trauma.”

“We can help you with your fear, Deirdre,” Carlisle said. The line was so robotic, he had to have pre-planned what to say in the event that I denounced the pool. “It’s best to face these things head-on. You’ll never use it unsupervised, and it’s an endless pool, so you’ll be able to practice your strokes without worrying about bumping the edges of the pool on accident. We’re also getting a hot tub: did Esme tell you that?”

I glanced at Esme. She looked sheepish. I was really looking a gift horse in the mouth, wasn’t I? Whose partners did so much for them? And besides, a hot tub did sound like fun. Like soaking in a warm bath, except I could persuade Carlisle to join me…

“That could be fun,” I admitted carefully.

Esme brightened. “We can have some hot tub time every day once you finish swimming,”

“Every day?” I looked between them, scratching my arm. “You two expect me to swim every day?”

Carlisle pursed his lips. “I think it’s a good idea. You need to be as healthy and as strong as possible to keep you safe during pregnancy.”

I swallowed, crossing my arms. “I’m not going to promise that I’ll swim everyday.”

I braced myself for… something. An argument. A lecture. A spanking? No, I wouldn’t be so lucky.

“Alright,” Esme said. She took my plate and set it down on the coffee table before patting her lap. I moved over to curl into her. Once I was comfy, she wrapped up the discussion. “We’re still getting the pool installed. Even if you don’t like it, Carlisle and I will use it.”

“Okay,” I acquiesced. She ran her fingers up and down my back, her other hand pushing my cheek to her shoulder. I felt myself relax. Maybe a pool wouldn’t be so bad…

“Are you going to come in, sweetheart?”

I chewed on my lip, standing in the door. The little room was cozy and intimate. There was an armchair facing a daybed, with a small coffee table between them. By the window was a little desk, and beside it a bookshelf. Carlisle sat in the armchair, a pen in one hand and a notebook in his lap. There was a colouring book on the coffee table, along with a pack of crayons.

“Who’s that for?” I asked, ignoring his question.

“Who do you think it’s for?” he asked, smiling as he answered me with another question.

“Esme,” I said quickly, chewing on my thumb.

He chuckled, but softened the way he did whenever I was really hurt or sick. “It’s for you, little one.”

“I thought we were going to talk,” I said, gripping the doorframe like he might try to pull me inside.

“We will,” Carlisle replied lightly. I could practically feel his nerves. He was putting on a brave face and attempting to maintain a sense of calm confidence. “You may enjoy colouring while we talk. That’s why I set it out for you.”

“When did you buy it?”

“Last month.” He was trying not to smile.

“So you’ve been planning all this?”

“Of course. I previously discussed with you prior to our… vacation… that I wanted to start your counselling sessions.”

“I thought this was supposed to be therapy.”

He tilted his head. “Does it matter to you, what we call it?”

I hung onto the door frame. “I don’t know.”

“That’s alright, duckling,” he assured. After another quiet minute, he asked me again to come sit down. I tiptoed into the room, crossing the small room to perch myself at the edge of the daybed.

Carlisle ignored my body language, keeping the conversation relaxed. He seemed more at ease once I’d entered the room. Was he happy I obeyed? Or did it show a willingness to participate that he was looking for? “You’ll have to tell Esme what you think of her furniture selections,” he said. “She thought you’d like the daybed. We can swap it out, if you’d prefer a chaise or your own armchair.”

“It’s nice,” I said quietly, crossing my arms.

Carlisle maintained his quiet composure. He was regaining his confidence—maybe the fact I entered the space solidified, for him, my faith in his abilities. “Why don’t you test out the pillows and blankets?” he asked lightly.

I reached behind me and patted a pillow. “Very nice.”

Carlisle’s lips pulled into a slight frown, his eyes still warm. He was trying not to smile. “And the blankets?”

I moved my hand over a blanket. “Very soft.”

Carlisle set his pen and notebook on the coffee table, then walked around. I reflexively backed up into the bed, retreating from him. He sat on one side of the day bed, watching me. I was frozen, as far away as humanly possible while still remaining on the day bed.

“I need you to take a long, slow breath for me, Deirdre.”

I did as he asked.

“Thank you. You’re very tense, my love,” he said. He leaned back into the pillows on his side. It was… peculiar to see him in such a reclined position. Carlisle never felt the need to repose like a human did. I was accustomed to his formal stature, his typical ramrod-straight spine even when sitting on the bed or on the dock at the beach. “It’s just me you’re talking to.”

“I know,” I replied quietly. “Sorry,” I added on.

“It’s alright,” he said. “You seem nervous to me.”

“I am,” I confirmed. Part of me wanted to sprint out of the room. Another part wondered how he’d react to that. He was strong and fast enough to stop me, but would he? Would he stop me, follow me, or let me go? Would I be restrained, or lectured, or given space? Which would I prefer?

“It’s alright to be nervous,” he said softly. He held out a hand to me, and I moved forward to take it in mine. “We’re going to talk about your worries, and we’re going to pick one and set a goal. That’s all we’re doing today.”

I swallowed. “How much do we need to talk about the worries?”

“I would like a good idea of what’s bothering you.”

I swallowed. “Is Esme still near?”

“No. She’s too far off now to hear.”

I leaned against one of the pillows, taking another slow breath to steady me. “C-can I just say them, and you can write them down?”

“Sure.”

I shivered and pulled one of the folded blankets onto my lap. We’d established at lunch that he would share everything with Esme, afterwards. It still felt easier to say to just him, rather than both of them at once. Maybe he’d know a better way to phrase some of it to her. “I worry you and Esme will change your minds about me,” I forced myself to admit. “I worry your family won’t ever like me. I worry you’re keeping things from me. I worry about Lucy getting sick. I worry about John David finding us. I worry about you getting found out as a vampire, and the Volturi.” I swallowed. “I… um, I worry that you two won’t change me. I worry that I ask too much of you in terms of physical affection. I worry about not being pretty or strong or smart enough for you both. That’s most of my worries, I think.”

Carlisle was quiet. “That’s a lot of worries, Deirdre.”

I felt tears burn my eyes. “Mhm.”

“Can I come give you a hug?” he asked. I nodded wordlessly, and a millisecond later he wrapped me up in his arms.

“Good girl. Thank you for telling me,” he said. He patted my back, pushing my cheek to his heart. “That was a big, big step. I’m really proud of you.”

I couldn’t speak. I was tense to the point of my muscles aching. What was he going to say?

“Deirdre, my love, please just cry for me. I can feel you trying to hold onto it all. Let it go. I’ve got you, sweetheart. I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re safe. Just let it out.”

I shook my head at him, but he didn’t say anything. He shifted me to tuck my face against his neck. My throat and eyes burned, my muscles aching.

“Everything’s going to be alright, duckling. Let it out.”

“I don’t want to,” I whimpered tightly. “Don’t I cry enough? It’s got to be annoying.”

“I’ll love you just the same when you’re done crying,” he promised. “I don’t know if there’s anything you could do to change my mind about you. Not unless you murder Esme, or one of the children.”

I let out a surprised laugh at the absurd idea I’d want to, let alone manage to kill one of his ‘kids’. Carlisle chuckled, and then I burst into tears. When it started, I couldn’t stop it. I just cried, and cried, and cried until I was a puddle of tears and snot. I felt overly warm from my cry-fest. I started unbuttoning my cardigan, and Carlisle helped me out of it before urging me to lay back in the pillows.

“I’ll be one second, my love. I’ll be right back.”

He stood up, and within five seconds he had returned with a few items. He set the tissue box and the water bottle down, keeping the wet washcloth in one hand. He held a tissue up to my nose.

“Blow.”

I blew my nose, feeling a bit small and silly but also thoroughly cared for. Carlisle had that perfect nonchalance about body functions that most doctors seemed to have, and it made me feel a little less gross as he threw out the second tissue and made me blow again. There was also a small sense of relief, a bit of weight off my heart: I’d told Carlisle everything I was worried about and his first response was to comfort me. He didn’t minimize my worries, or brush them off, or immediately begin problem solving. It made me feel a lot better. On the other hand, I was mortified at how much I cried. It certainly didn’t help my worry about being too much trouble.

“Sorry,” I apologized.

“Nothing to apologize for. You’re just following my instructions, right? You’ve been marvelous, Deirdre. You’re doing extremely well, my love.”

He ran the washcloth over my face, then helped me drink half the water bottle before I laid back into the pillows. This whole exhaustion thing really, really sucked. Maybe in a few months I could convince Carlisle I’d be fine without medication. I wished I was my old self—the one who worked every weekday, cooked and cleaned. She was someone for Carlisle to be proud of.

“These are nice pillows,” I mumbled, hoping to distract from the whole embarrassing breakdown.

“Honeybee will be happy to hear it,” Carlisle said. He stroked my face with his cool fingers for a minute. He was freakishly in-tune with my moods. The moment I’d relaxed into his touch, he began the inquisition again. “Which worry is bothering you the most?”

I thought on it. Once I’d decided, I still took another minute to build up the courage. “Probably the worry you two will change your minds.”

“Alright. Let’s explore that a little.”

I looked up at him, hoping my pleading look would allow us to move onto the next step without ‘exploring’. He shook his head. Yeah, I didn’t really expect that to work. “I want to know more, so we can make an appropriate plan,” he explained.

“Can’t you just say you won’t change your minds?” I asked weakly.

“We won’t change out minds, Deirdre. Esme and I have told you that multiple times. Now, tell me more about this worry, please.”

I stared at the ceiling for a while. I think Carlisle knew that I did that to avoid talking to him. I didn’t even think consciously about it. I just couldn’t look at him, couldn’t get sucked back into the conversation and bear myself any more to him. I already felt wounded and raw. Salty tears dripped down my face, jumping off my chin and landing on my shirt.

“I also worry sometimes you two will never treat me like an equal.”

“I will add that to the list,” he said quietly. He waited another minute before he asked: “Did you want to make that your top worry?”

“I don’t know,” I murmured, turning back to the ceiling. He was quiet for another few minutes, but I could feel his gaze on me like a physical presence.

“Miss Woods,”

My eyes flicked to meet his. He was concentrating. He had a slightly different quality about him. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it was his doctor mode?

“Yes, Doctor Belizaire?”

His lips turned up at the corner. “I asked you a question. Which worry would you like to explore this session?”

I brought my thumb up to my mouth to chew. “Mm-mm,” I hummed. I don’t know.

“It is up to you to decide, Miss Woods.”

I swallowed. Fuck. Carlisle wasn’t going to let me avoid it any longer. “Isn’t it a little hard to talk about my worries when they involve you?”

“I recognize it might feel harder to breach with me, but there’s no reason I can’t assist you with overcoming those worries, helping you select appropriate strategies to reduce or minimize the impact they have on your life.”

I licked my lips. “Can I have the water, please?”

“Certainly.”

I sipped the water, avoiding Carlisle’s looming question. Carlisle had promised me the session would take 60 minutes, tops. My delay at the door and cry fest had to, together, take at least ten minutes. “How much time do we have left?”

“We have all the time in the world.”

“I meant today.”

“Well, we have approximately seven and a half hours left in today. Then it will become tomorrow.”

I huffed. “I meant how much longer for this appointment?”

“Once we begin the appointment portion again, we’ll have forty-two minutes left.”

“It’s only been eighteen minutes?”

“It’s been longer than that, but I paused the stopwatch while you spent time staring at the ceiling.”

I crossed my arms. “That’s not fair. That’s part of processing.”

“It’s very fair, duckling,” Carlisle replied, crossing one leg neatly over the other. “Stalling is not part of the session.”

“This is ridiculous,” I said, standing up. “Esme will be home soon.”

“She won’t. She’s hunting.”

“Still, I’m hungry.”

“I can get you a snack.”

“I’d prefer to make myself one.”

“I’d prefer for you to finish your counselling session.”

“I’m done for the day,” I said, crossing my arms.

“No, you’re not,” he replied simply. He didn’t move from his spot on the daybed. “You’re trying to run away, which often works for you, doesn’t it? Running away from your worries, your insecurities, isn’t going to solve them, my love. I’m afraid we’ve been partially guilty of coddling you, letting you escape emotional situations instead of building you up.”

“This is a bad idea,” I said. “This was a bad idea. I’m not doing this again.”

I walked out of the room, feeling unpleasantly buzzy and agitated. I ended up in the hallway, standing between the stairs to the main floor and the hallway to our bedroom.

Carlisle floated behind me, scribbling in his new notebook.

“I want space,” I snapped at him.

“I don’t think that’s appropriate at this time,” Carlisle said evenly.

I let out an exasperated growl and stomped off in the direction of our bedroom. I went straight to the bathroom, opening and closing the door before realizing there was no lock. Carlisle strolled in, as calm and leisurely as ever.

“I’m going to have a bath,” I said, crossing my arms.

“Alright. I’ll be just outside, unless you’d like help.”

“I don’t need help. I’m not a baby,” I insisted.

“Sometimes it’s nice to have help, even if you don’t need it,” Carlisle said, uber patient as always. There was something… something else, too. It wasn’t quite that he was enjoying pissing me off. He seemed almost curious, or fascinated by it.

“I don’t want your help.”

“You let Esme help, sometimes.”

I turned the taps on. “Esme and I have had sex before.”

“Is that another worry?” Carlisle asked, setting his notebook and pen on the counter. “That we haven’t had intercourse?”

“Can you not call it intercourse?” I retorted. I should’ve just said no.

“What would you like me to call it?” he asked, rolling up his sleeves. “Sex? Love making? Fucking?”

“You can’t say fucking!” I exclaimed, hand on my hip. His lips quirked into a smile, and he began rolling up his other sleeve.

“Whyever not, my darling?”

I could feel my face reddening, even though I didn’t want it to. “It’s… weird, coming from you.”

 Carlisle leaned against the counter. “That’s because you still believe me to be sexually repressed. Just because I won’t make love to you before the wedding does not indicate I am without carnal desires, nor does it mean I do not enjoy satiating those desires with Esme. She’s already hinted to you some of the things she enjoys, with the contents of the trunk. I don’t believe she’s mentioned before that she likes to, as she says, fuck me in the ass.”

I think my jaw scraped the floor, and Carlisle smiled. He looked indecently gorgeous, radiant and handsome.

“Carlisle Flittermouse Cullen, did you just say the words ‘fuck me in the ass’, or am I hallucinating?”

Carlisle laughed again, the sound rich and warm. “Is it that hard to believe, sweet one?”

“Oh no, you can’t sweet one your way out of that comment,” I said, sitting on the edge of the bath. “You like… you like…?”

Carlisle continued to smile. I loved it when he got like that. His gentle, soft-spoken voice paired with his eyes, his smile, and the topic of conversation was nearly more that I could handle. “There are many things I enjoy,” he continued. “Many acts I’d like to do with you, to you, for you, when the time comes. But that’s not why I was offering to help you in the bath.” He paused, letting me take in his message before he continued, this time gentler, less teasing: “Your heartbeat slows when Esme or I hold you. It’s good for you, for your brain to relax. And additionally, I can tell I’ve already stressed you today, and I’ll stress you some more when we finish our session.”

I shrank. “I don’t want to finish the session today,” I said quietly.

“I know you don’t, Deirdre, but I’m not letting you quit.” He walked over, taking my face in his hands. I had no choice but to meet his eyes. “You’ve been so brave. The first couple sessions will be the hardest, until you adjust. But you always adjust, dear one. I know I must seem cruel, but I’m putting my foot down. I want you to be happy and confident in eternity. This is an important step towards your happiness.”

I chewed my lip. “Can’t we finish it tomorrow?”

“No.”

“But Carlisle,” I whined. He sat down beside me on the edge of the bath, dipping a hand into the water.

“The water’s quite warm. I don’t like you bathing with the water this hot. Do you recall when you nearly lost consciousness getting out of the shower?”

“Yes, I remember,” I mumbled. “I’m just going to put my feet in.”

“Alright.”

Carlisle turned off the water, and both of us rolled up our pant legs and stuck our feet in. He was quiet for a few minutes, and I let out entire conversation soak into my brain. My damaged brain that always went right to panic.

“I’m telling Esme what you said,” I whispered.

Carlisle smiled to himself. “You’ll have to be more specific with your threat, duckling.”

I leaned into him, ignoring his comment. He knew what I was talking about. As we sat in silence, I started to feel self-conscious about my freak-out, and exhausted from crying. I probably looked a mess. “Aren’t I a lot of work?”

“Not at all,” Carlisle replied instantly, easily. His arm went around me, ensuring I wouldn’t fall backwards. “You are a light in my life, and in Esme’s. It is a pleasure to be in your company, to tend to you, to enjoy you...”

“You enjoy me?” I asked, raising my brows.

“Every day,” he assured. He was so close to me, his delicious aftershave scent wafted into my face. It took all I had not to press my face into his neck. “Every smile, and joke, and sigh, and laugh, and blush, and snore, and huff, and compliment. Everything. I enjoy you so much, and I love you so strongly.” He took my hand and kissed the back. “That’s why I want what’s best for you. I want you to be happy, to feel confident in yourself with Esme and I, and around others.”

I leaned into him, and we sat quietly for a few more minutes.

“I need a break before we start again,” I murmured.

“Of course, darling,” he replied. When I made no move to get up, he squeezed me tighter. “Would you like me to carry to downstairs?”

“No,” I murmured. “No thank you, flittermouse,” I restated. I pulled my legs out, and Carlisle loosened his grip so I could get up. I toweled off my legs and he did the same. I walked out to the bedroom and crawled into bed.

Carlisle left the room, returning a few minutes later with his phone and his notebook. He spent a while writing before he typed something out on his phone.

“Are you texting Es?”

“Yes. She asked how our session went.”

I swallowed. “What did you tell her?”

“I said it’s going well, and we’re taking a break before we continue.”

I licked my lips. “Is it going well?”

Carlisle studied me. “I think so,” he said at last. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’ve never gone to therapy.”

Carlisle moved a little closer, then reached out a hand, petting my hair. His phone buzzed.

“What did honeybee say?”

“She said she’s proud of you, and asked if she should bring you home a treat.”

I closed my eyes, enjoying his touch. “Oh, I don’t deserve a treat.”

Carlisle was quiet for a long minute, to the point I thought he agreed with me. “Why not?” he finally asked.

I opened my eyes, frowning. “I haven’t been good enough for a treat.”

“Deirdre,” he said, his lips curling down. “You’re recovering from twenty minutes of a therapy session. It’s been a hard day. Don’t you think you deserve a treat?”

I shook my head. “Maybe if I had listened to you the first time…”

“Duckling,” He cut in, “You’re my fiancée, not my employee. You’re allowed to take your time, think things over, and make your own decisions.”

I stretched and relaxed into the bed. “I don’t need a treat.”

“Treat are not for needs; they’re for wants,” Carlisle argued. His phone began to buzz, and he answered it.

“I know,” he murmured. “Talk to your fiancée, please.”

He passed me the phone and I held it to my ear.

“Can’t I get you a treat?” Esme asked.

“I haven’t been good enough for a treat,” I replied shyly. I heard Esme huff.

“I don’t believe that,” she replied. “Won’t you let me treat you?”

I chewed on my thumb. I looked to Carlisle. I didn’t deserve a treat. But he wanted me to take it, to accept. Was he going to make me talk about this in therapy later? “If you must,” I said quietly.

“I think I really must,” Esme insisted. “How about pizza for dinner? Bacon, ham and black olives?”

I could feel my mouth water. Well, how could I say no to that? “Okay. Yes please.”

“Good,” Esme replied. “Finish your appointment with Carlisle and find a movie for us to watch, alright?”

“Alright,” I conceded. At least she asked for me to do something. At minimum, I’d feel like I was earning it. “When will you be home?”

“Two, two and a half hours, likely. We’ll pop the pizza in the oven when I get home. I’ll text flittermouse when to preheat the oven.”

“Alright, sounds good,” I said. “Love you.”

“Love you too, duckling. Get your appointment finished, please. I want to spend time with you when I get home.”

“I’ll work on it,” I said quietly. Had Carlisle told her how much I was dragging my feet? “Drive safe.”

“Always. See you soon.”

“See you soon. Bye.”

Carlisle took his phone back, slipping it in a pocket. “Well, shall we get back to it?”

I flopped back down. “We’ve got two hours. And maybe a half.”

“You don’t want to leave it to the last minute. Why don’t you go find a picture to colour, and I’ll bring you up a snack?” Carlisle got up and I found myself mirroring his actions. I really didn’t want to, but I was following him out of the room before I really thought about it.

I looked up and flinched.

“Sorry to frighten you,” Carlisle said. He was sitting in his armchair. I had moved to sit on the floor at the coffee table so I could colour.

“How long have you been there?” I asked.

“About ten minutes,” he replied.

“Does that count as therapy time?” I asked, leaning back against the day bed.

“It depends,” he said. “Have you been thinking about your worries?”

“Yes,” I said carefully. “If I tell you how, do the ten minutes count?”

Carlisle seemed deep in thought. “Yes,” he finished tentatively.

I set down my crayon, picking up a slice of apple from the plate I’d just noticed. There were also a few cubes of cheese and a half dozen crackers. “A lot of people get divorced,” I said. “Like, fifty percent, ish. And I don’t know the numbers for polyamorous people. That’s what we are, right? But anecdotally it doesn’t seem good.”

Carlisle opened his notebook and made a quick note before reaching my eyes again. “Little one, do you know how many vampire couples have ever separated?”

I shook my head.

“I haven’t heard of any. No mates would ever willingly separate. I’ve met two vampires who outlived their mates—Marcus of the Volturi,” I flinched, but Carlisle continued: “And Irina. Irina has sadly passed, but she didn’t fare well without her mate. She was unreasonable, paranoid… And Marcus. Poor Marcus. He is but a shell of a creature, and has been for hundreds of years. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

“And you’re sure that we three are mates?”

“I’m absolutely, unquestionably, unequivocally, irrevocably certain. As is Esme.”

I mulled that over while I ate another piece of apple. “If something happened to me…”

“Esme and I would never be the same,” he said, careful and serious. “That’s why, as much as we’d love a child, we worry how the pregnancy would be hard on your body.”

“That’s why you’ve got me consuming half a pharmacy of vitamins everyday?”

His lips twitched. “Yes. Out of concern and love.”

“Speaking of concern and love and pharmacies,” I started. I lost my nerve by the end of the phrase, but Carlisle waited patiently for me to regain it. “I want to stop the anxiety medication again. When it makes sense. It makes me so tired and foggy; I don’t feel like myself. Even if I’m calm.”

Carlisle jotted something. “I understand, Deirdre. That’s a goal we can work towards, if that is your wish. There are many things we can do to support your anxiety and mental health. Eating, sleeping, exercise, supplements…”

I picked up a crayon. “Okay. Good. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, my love.”

The end of the session was much better than the beginning. Carlisle pulled some more details out of me on my worries and had me list some things I was looking forward to in the next week (eating pizza, watching Esme work on her Christmas presents in the basement, existing in the hot tub). When the session was over, Carlisle held me on his lap for a good ten minutes before releasing me to put on my pyjamas. When I came downstairs, he had put my colouring page up on the fridge with a magnet.

“Esme will be home in about forty minutes,” he said. I flopped down on the couch, sighing.

“When are they installing the pool?” I asked.

“Tomorrow.”

“And how long will that take?” I asked.

Carlisle began taking ingredients out of the freezer. “Two days.”

“Hm,” I hummed. “And what are you making, flittermouse? I didn’t think you liked strawberries.”

Carlisle smiled. “I don’t, but you do.”

“You didn’t tell me what you’re making,” I reminded him.

“Just a smoothie. Lots of fruit, some milk, protein powder, spinach…”

“Did you ask if I wanted a smoothie?” I asked, raising my brows.

Carlisle smiled sheepishly. “I was hoping I’d just be able to persuade you. It’s good for you. Besides, today you’ve had toast and chocolate milk, and crackers, cheese, and an apple. You need something a little more balanced.”

“I’m having pizza,” I reminded him. “That’s like… grains, dairy, meat…”

Carlisle groaned, pouring milk into the blender. “Duckling, you’ll drink this, won’t you?”

“I’ll have some,” I conceded. “But I’d prefer you ask me before making random food.”

“Right. That’s fair,” he said, almost to himself. He warned me before he started the blender, minutes later bringing the smoothie over to me. He pulled one of the folded blankets off the end of the couch and tucked me in while I tried the smoothie.

“How is it?” he asked, sitting down with his notebook and an iPad.

“Good,” I said. I’d decided before I started drinking that even if it was yummy, I was only going to drink half. It was yummy, but had a weird aftertaste. “Did you put anything else in here?”

“No, I didn’t slip you anything in the smoothie.”

“Not this time,” I clarified.

Carlisle raised a brow. “You make me sound very underhanded, duckling.”

“I wouldn’t say very underhanded,” I replied. “But you definitely feel entitled to make decisions without consultation.”

“Hm,” Carlisle hummed, not touching my explanation to agree or disagree.

I set my smoothie down on a coaster.

“Will you drink the rest of it later?” Carlisle asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, toying with the corner of the blanket. “I’m trying not to reward your behavior.”

His brows raised slightly in surprise, and he pursed his lips to stop from smiling. “Oh, my Deirdre, I’ve learned my lesson. I promise. Won’t you finish your smoothie?”

I pushed his arm. “Stop.”

“Stop what, my sweet?”

I laughed. “Stop with the saccharine apology,” I said. “You can’t… you can’t sweet talk your way into feeding me.”

“I can’t?” Carlisle asked, faking surprise. “But little one, I’ve learned the error of my ways. Is there any use to letting a perfectly nutritious smoothie go to waste?”

 “Carlisle,” I couldn’t help but laugh harder, pressing my face to his shoulder. His hand pet my hair, and I shivered.

“Deirdre, you make my heart so full,” Carlisle hummed.

“Fine, I’ll drink it,” I grumbled. It was his turn to laugh.

“Would you like to sit on my lap while you drink it?”

I could feel my face redden. “Yes.”

He leaned over to the coffee table and picked up the cup, then widened his arms so I could crawl into his limbs. He waited while I pulled the blanket around me, then released the smoothie to me, his arms moving to secure my body to his.

“That’s my good girl,” he said, patting my back. I shivered, a combination of enjoying the praise and the cold smoothie making its way to my tummy.

“You two look comfortable.”

“We are,” Carlisle replied, his voice soft.

“How did the end of the session go?”

“It was quite productive. Deirdre was very brave.”

“She’s always brave, aren’t you, sweetheart?”

I blinked up at Esme. “Honeybee,” I whispered.

“Hello duckling,” Esme said softly, ducking forward to kiss my cheek and smooth back my hair.

I blinked, sitting up. Carlisle’s hands moved to my waist to prevent me from falling off the couch. I wiped my mouth with a hand and looked to him, wide-eyed. “Did I finish the smoothie?”

“Yes,” he replied. “And then you fell asleep.”

“But you didn’t put anything in it,” I said, suddenly suspicious.

“I put lots of things in it,” Carlisle said evenly. “Fruit, milk, protein powder, and spinach.”

I relaxed. “Oh. Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” he said, softening as he pet my hair. “You were pretty tired from your session.”

I nodded. “I didn’t even realize I was falling asleep.”

“I’m glad you rested,” Esme cut in. “I missed you today.”

I held my arms out and she climbed onto Carlisle’s lap, lifting my leg so that it was on top of her lap. I put my arms around her so we were both sitting on Carlisle. She caressed my cheek and sighed happily, leaning against Carlisle’s shoulder.

Carlisle’s gaze was so warm between the two of us. I leaned against his shoulder, and his arms squeezed both of us to him. Esme took one of my hands. “I saw your picture on the fridge.”

“My picture?” I questioned.

“The one you coloured during our session,” Carlisle explained for me. “I put it on the fridge.

“Oh.”

“You did a very good job,” Esme said. “You’ve got a good eye for colour.”

I blushed. “No I don’t. It’s just the colours from the box.”

“Mhm. But you selected the colours. And you coloured so neatly.”

I could feel my entire face pulsing from blushing so hard.

“Say thank you, duckling,” Carlisle prompted, his voice soft like Esme wouldn’t hear.

“Thanks, honeybee,” I murmured, shrinking away.

“You’re welcome,” Esme replied gently. “It’s good for you to work on accepting compliments, especially from Carlisle and I.”

I swallowed. “Alright.”

Esme leaned forward and kissed me. “Good girl. Now, can I interest you in some pizza? It’s been re-heating in the oven.”

I nodded, and Esme moved my legs off of her lap before she stood and pulled me up.

“Mm. I need one more kiss, I think,” she said, reeling me in. The blanket fell to my feet as her hands moved over my arms and then my tummy and my back.

“Es,” I whined. She pulled me closer to her, her mouth ducking to my shoulder to start by kissing me there. I shivered, my knees going weak. She held me up until she’d gotten her fill, kissing my neck and my cheek and my forehead before moving to my mouth. I think I forgot to breathe.

“Is that enough of a kiss, honeybee?” Carlisle teased her. “Little Deirdre is going to faint.”

“You don’t mind, do you, baby?” Esme asked, turning her bright golden eyes to me.

“I don’t mind,” I said airily. She giggled before she picked me up, setting me gently back into Carlisle’s arms.

“Breathe, my love. I’ll get you some pizza.”

After pizza, Carlisle and Esme and I settled into the couches in our bedroom. Carlisle sat on his own, deeply focused on a medical journal on his iPad. Esme was reading his notebook from our session, reviewing his notes. When I emerged from the bathroom, teeth brushed, she beckoned me over.

“Little one, I’m sorry you’ve got so many worries,” Esme said. She held out a hand for me and I sank down onto her lap. Almost instantly she had a hand up the back of my shirt. I shivered, but she didn’t remove her chilly hand. After a minute, the touch was pleasant. “Carlisle and I will help you with them,” she continued after I’d relaxed into her.

“You don’t have to,” I said sleepily.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll work on them. Don’t worry.”

“Of course you’ll work on them to. But Deirdre, we’re mates. It’s our pleasure to support you.”

“Mm,” I hummed. Esme tickled my neck and I squeaked.

“Say Yes Esme, thank you. I know you’ll support me.”

Carlisle’s eyes flicked up from his iPad. He fought an amused curl of his lips. And there was something else… something in his eyes. Desire?

“Duckling?”

I looked back to Esme. “Pardon?”

“Repeat after me. Yes Esme.”

“Yes Esme.”

“Thank you.”

“Thank you.”

“I know you’ll support me.”

“I know you’ll support me. And flittermouse will, too,” I said shyly.

“Absolutely,” Carlisle confirmed.

I was getting flustered from being under their combined gazes.

“When is New Year’s?” I blurted.

“Three days ago,” Carlisle answered.

“What? What about New Year’s resolutions?” I tried to sit up, but at the same time Esme pulled me closer to her.

“You make New Year’s resolutions?” she asked, surprised.

“Doesn’t everyone?” I asked. “Don’t you?” I asked, looking from her to Carlisle.

“Not really,” Carlisle admitted. “Did you want to make some?”

I frowned. “Yeah.”

“You can still make resolutions,” Esme encouraged. “What were you thinking of?”

Shoot. “I dunno,” I lied, tucking my face into Esme’s neck so that I didn’t have to reply.

I shrieked—Esme zapped my waist.

“I sense a lie,” Esme said.

“Es!” I whined as she continued to tickle me. “No! P-please.”

She paused, letting me catch my breath. Her pupils were large. “God, you’re so beautiful when you’re flushed like this.”

“I…” I forgot what I was going to say as her hands slipped under my shirt, up the front. I shuddered as her hands moved over my chest. “Es!”

“Yes?” she answered innocently. “Oh, come now, Deirdre. You’ve been so tense, but you refuse to use the vibrator we gave you. Let me help you out. Carlisle doesn’t mind.”

I looked to Carlisle. He’d put his iPad to the side.

“So you’re just going to watch?” I squeaked.

“Are you comfortable with that?” he asked, crossing his legs, casual in a way that made me feel ridiculous. “Or would you prefer I go for a walk?”

“You didn’t like it when he wasn’t here last time,” Esme reminded me. I put my hands over hers to stop their wandering.

“Oh god, I… did you two discuss this?”

“We have,” Carlisle said. Esme’s fingertips brushed over my ribs.

“I don’t get how this is supposed to work… I mean, I don’t even know how it’s going to work when we’re married!”

Esme’s hands retracted. She must have sensed too much apprehension on my end. She pulled me closer, so I was straddling her lap, and her hand moved to rub my shoulders.

“There’s lots we can do, all three of us together,” Esme assured.

“Flittermouse said you like to fuck him in the ass,” I blurted.

Her eyes widened for a millisecond, and then she laughed. “We could do that if you wanted to. We might need to have you try some plugs, though.”

“I just mean, you could fuck him in the ass and I could… I don’t know, kiss him?”

Esme pet my hair. “We’ll find lots of different ways to enjoy ourselves, I’m sure.”

“When we’re married,” I tacked on.

Carlisle tilted his head. “You two can…”

“I know, I know,” I said. “We can mess around. But if feels weird without you. Even though I know you two have sex without me. I don’t know...”

“It’s healthy to orgasm regularly,” Carlisle said. I threw my head back and groaned, but he continued. “Climaxing releases hormones that make you happier and calmer. Many people report that orgasms help them sleep more quickly and deeply. And furthermore, orgasming helps strengthen pelvic floor muscles…”

“Okay, okay, I get it!” I said, putting my hands over my ears. Esme snorted at me, shaking her head. She grabbed my hips and pulled me back to her as I tried to get away to have some space. She seemed to enjoy how flustered I was.

Carlisle stood, and I blurted “Don’t you dare come over to this couch!”

He smiled and sat on the floor, crossing his legs and putting his palms on his knees. “Esme and I were wondering if you’d be interested in playing. Obviously, I wouldn’t penetrate you with my—”

“Carlisle!” I shrieked, aghast. “What’s gotten into you both?” I asked Esme. I looked back to Carlisle. “And you, Mr. Wait-for-Marriage, what’s going on?”

“We think sexual play could be beneficial for you,” Esme explained. “Mentally and physically, and for your own feelings of attachment and security within our relationship.”

“Other than vaginal, anal, or oral penetration, I would feel comfortable to participate,” Carlisle said. “There’s a very strong case to be made for your health, as Esme noted.”

I covered my face. “Oh my God, you’re both insane.”

Esme patted my thighs. “We had fun, Deirdre, in the fall, didn’t we? Didn’t it feel nice?”

“Yes,” I admitted, blushing. “But we’re not messing with Carlisle’s modesty just because I’d feel weird touching myself in the shower.”

“I don’t have to participate if you don’t want me to,” Carlisle reminded me patiently.

“It’s not that I don’t want you to participate,” I insisted, rubbing my forehead in frustration.

“It’ll actually be safer for our wedding night if we explore a few things in advance,” Esme said. “You were very tense, I wouldn’t want Carlisle to tear you on accident…”

I put my head in my hands. “Stop it. Both of you. You’re going to kill me.”

“I think it’s important we discuss it, Deirdre,” Carlisle said. “You’re so receptive to touch. It could be useful for bonding.”

“Can’t we just go back to spankings?” I begged.

“Do you want to go back to spankings?” Carlisle asked.

I crawled off of Esme, and thankfully she let me escape. I got off the couch, taking two steps back from the both of them. I put my hands on my hips. “I don’t know why you two horn dogs have sex on the brain this evening, but maybe you should go have some private time in the woods.”

“Deirdre,” Esme said gently, trying not to laugh. “Duckling, you’re our mate. You want to feel like you have an equal share in our relationship. These kinds of discussions are necessary.”

Right. Oops. I’m sure I was blushing. “Well, I’m sure you two already mapped out this discussion and how you wanted to present everything,” I said, crossing my arms. “So what is it that you want exactly, then?”

“We don’t have a set plan in mind,” Carlisle said. “That’s why this is a discussion. You’re free to say no, Deirdre, but we’re providing you with reasons why you might want to consider our offer.”

“Okay, but what’s the offer, specifically?”

“The offer is that I help you cum,” Esme said. She seemed highly amused by my reaction to the conversation, even as she tried to soothe me. It was probably some sort of kink she had. She liked when I was undressed, too, and she wasn’t. “That could be in Carlisle’s presence or absence, depending on your preference,” she finished.

“Alternatively, I can participate in some limited ways, if that would be of interest to you,” Carlisle re-capped. He watched me for a long moment, studying my reaction. “What are you feeling, Dierdre?”

“I feel overwhelmed,” I said tightly.

“Very good, sweet one. What else?”

“Is this some sort of test?” I asked, my voice getting higher with stress.

“No, it’s not, love. I’m just trying to understand. What else do you feel, other than overwhelmed?”

“Uh, mortified!” I added.

“Why mortified?” Carlisle probed.

“I… because… we don’t talk about sex,” I said. “We… you and I… I mean, you’ve seen me naked. But it’s off the table until we’re married.”

“Penis in vagina sex is off the table,” Carlisle said, “As well as oral and anal. I’ve shifted my views of some of my other limitations, in light of your needs, and this day in age…”

“You make me sound like a hussy,” I accused. “I do not have needs.”

“You are not a hussy,” Carlisle said patiently. “Do you think I would ever think that of you?”

“No, but—”

“Would it bother you to be such a thing?”

“Yes!”

“Why?”

I stared at him. “You’re the religious one!”

“I know. But why would it bother you?”

I paused, scrambling for purchase in our conversation. Esme was observing quietly. “I want to be good enough for you,” I blurted.

Carlisle shifted. Oh, he seemed to be interested in my answer. What had I said again? “You want to be good enough for me?”

I blinked. Uh oh. Was that a weird thing to say? I chewed my thumb. “Yes?”

Carlisle’s gaze was laser focused on me. “What would you need to do to be good enough for me?”

My chest felt tight. “Um, I’d need to stop touching you so much.”

“But you like to touch me, sweetheart. It calms you.”

I was going to cry again. I balled up my hands. “It’s your boundary. I shouldn’t touch you so much. I’m a bad partner.”

“I’ve changed my boundaries.”

“You shouldn’t,” I insisted, crossing my arms again. I could feel myself starting to shake. How pathetic. I tried to keep my voice even. “They’re your boundaries. They’re your boundaries, flittermouse.”

Carlisle stood up slowly, and I took a step away in retreat. He held out a hand to me. “Come here, Deirdre. You’re shaking. Let me hold you.”

I shook my head. “You never used to hold me, before I was so pushy and rude.”

“Deirdre,” Esme said softly. Carlisle’s hand lowered a few inches.

“Little one, I’m hundreds of years old. I’m perfectly capable of holding or changing boundaries as I see fit. Come to me. Let me soothe you. You are my lover, my mate, and it is my duty and my privilege to tend to you.”

Oh Hell. I was going to cry again. “I can self-soothe,” I argued shakily. “Isn’t that something I should work on in therapy?”

“There’s no need to self-soothe. I’m right here.”

I eyed his hand, then glance up at him. “I can… You don’t have to…”

“I know I don’t. I want to. I’ll always want to. Please say yes.”

Esme was motionless on the couch.

“My chest hurts really bad,” I whimpered.

“You’re very tense, Deirdre. You’re getting pale as well. I wouldn’t be surprised if you vomited.”

He curled his fingers and smiled at me. One little motion and it broke my resolve. I barreled towards him, my face smacking into his chest as I threw my arms around him and squeezed. Then I pulled away. My face hurt, and my chest hurt worse.

“I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry, that’s not what you offered,” I said, backing a half-step away before Carlisle pulled me back to him and hugged me, securely firmly to him as I wept.

“I’m such an idiot,” I babbled. “I can’t even… Jesus. I’ll work on it, I promise…” Esme’s hands pressed against my shoulders, rubbing my back as I jabbered on. “Have you ever met anyone who cries so much? God, this is so embarrassing. I’m surprised you haven’t gotten rid of me by now. No wonder Rosalie finds me annoying as Hell. Anyone would. It’s because you’re both two nice. Too nice, and… and I’m taking advantage of you! I could’ve made my toast this morning. Esme washed my clothes, too. I used to do that on my own. I wasn’t so useless. I don’t know when I got so useless. I wish you knew who I was before I met you. I was so much better at chores, at taking care of myself. It’s like false advertising. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m so annoying. You’re both so patient, and I must be so frustrating…”

I started to hyperventilate, and Esme hushed me as I cried.

“You’re doing wonderfully,” Carlisle encouraged.

“I’m not wonderful, I’m horrible! You’ll figure that out one day, and you’re going to be s-so mad at m-m-me, and you’ll have to fig-fig-fig…UGH, you’ll-ll have to f-f-figure out h-ow to get r-r-id of me…”

I screamed in frustration into Carlisle’s shoulder. My throat already hurt from crying in the afternoon, and I quickly reached the point where my head began pounding, and my teeth hurt.

“Carlisle, can we cut her off there, please?” Esme asked him.

“Yes,” he replied to her softly.

“I’m s-sorry,” I tried to stop.

“Just listen to me, duckling,” Carlisle said, gently prying me off him but holding my shoulders so I couldn’t get more than a few inches away. Esme’s hands rested on my back. “You are safe. We love you. Everything is fine.”

“I…can’t…breathe,” I said between rapid breaths. I started to crumple, and he stabilized me, carrying me over to the bed. Esme moved the pillows and helped me lay back in them so I was mostly sitting up.

“You c-could spank m-me,” I offered.

“While I do think that would help, I have to discuss it with you while you’re feeling normal,” Carlisle replied gently.

“I’m not normal!” I wailed. “Something’s wrong with me, that’s half the problem!”

“Oh really? What’s the other half of the problem?”

I just devolved into sobs. I didn’t realize it until partway through, but I was having another panic attack.

“I’m going to count breaths, little one,” Esme said, brushing salty tears off my face. “If you can, breathe with me.”

I covered my face to hide from her. I felt warm, sticky, snotty, and stupid. Slowly, eventually, my breaths slowed down. My chest didn’t feel so tight, and I sagged into the pillows.

“Just roll me up in the carpet and throw me away, please,” I whispered hoarsely, keeping my eyes closed.

“No way,” Esme said softly, taking one of my hands and kissing my fingertips.

“Please?”

“No.”

Carlisle took my other hand. “I think that was building inside for a while, wasn’t it?”

I hiccupped. “I’m sorry. I’m the whiniest, babiest, most—”

Carlisle put a hand over my mouth, and my eyes opened. “Enough,” he said firmly. “You will not speak about our Deirdre that way. It’s one thing if you feel those things, but it’s another to insisted you are those things. You are strong, brave, kind, gentle, intelligent, loving, beautiful… This narrative you have in your brain is false, fictional, and so horrendously self-depreciating, little one.”

I sniffed and hiccupped. Seeing as they each held one of my hands, I felt trapped.

“Could I have a tissue, please?” I whispered. Esme disappeared, reappearing a moment later with a whole box. Her hand rested on my thigh while I blew my nose. “I feel like that’s going to be used against me in therapy,” I tried to joke.

“You said some very illuminating things,” Carlisle said. I frowned.

“I barely remember anything I said,” I admitted.

“That’s alright. Esme and I have perfect memories.”

“Are you going to transcribe it in your therapy notebook?”

“Yes, later on. You are my focus at the moment.”

I looked up at the ceiling. “Sorry about all that.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Deirdre,” Esme said, taking my hand again.

“Esme’s right,” Carlisle said. “Remember what I told you before? Your panic is triggered easily. We’re not upset with you, Deirdre. We’ll never be upset with you for crying and sharing your feelings.”

“ ‘Kay,” I said pathetically. “Could I have some Tylenol?” I asked.

“If you’d like,” Carlisle agreed. “What hurts?”

I wiped my eyes. “I have a really bad headache.”

“Ah, I see. I’ll get you some water, as well.”

Carlisle disappeared.

“Sorry,” I began to Esme.

“Don’t be sorry,” she interrupted, her cold hand pressing to my hot cheek. Sweet relief.

“I promise I’m not trying to fish for reassurance,” I said.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting reassurance, duckling.”

Carlisle returned, offering me two red pills and a mug of water that he helped me drink. When I finished, he passed the mug to Esme and pulled me to him so that my head rested on his chest, and my arm and leg were thrown over him.

“Flittermouse?”

“I’m perfectly fine, Deirdre. Let yourself rest, sweet one.”

“Es?”

“Right here, my love. Close your eyes, Deidre.”

“I didn’t mean to,”

“We know,” Esme replied. “All those worries and fears just bubbled up, didn’t they?”

“Yeah,” I murmured. Thank God they understood.

“We understand, Deirdre,” Carlisle said, his voice even softer than usual. “Keep your eyes closed. Yes, good girl. Just rest.”

I was sitting on the couch, trying to knit. Esme was in the kitchen, washing dishes and sighing loudly.

“Would you like some help?” I asked.

“No,” she said. Then there was the sound of the door opening.

“That can’t be flittermouse,” I said. Esme frowned, and then John-David appeared, flanked by Henry.

“We came for the lazy slut,” John-David said.

“She’s over there,” Esme said, pointing at me. “Take her away.”

My mouth fell open as I scrambled off the couch. “No! Esme, please… Carlisle! Carlisle, help!”

Carlisle popped into existence by the couch. I ran to him, but he moved before I could touch him, then he made a face of disgust.

“No! Please! I’ll be better!” I cried, desperately trying to reach him as he moved away. 

“Deirdre, it’s okay,” Esme soothed. “Open your eyes. Duckling, wake up.”

I looked up at Esme, my heart trying to slam its way out of my chest. I put my arms around her and held her tight until it didn't hurt as much.

“Bad dream, sweetheart?”

“Horrible,” I said. I still sounded croaky from earlier. “Where’s mouse boy?”

Esme’s arms wrapped around me, and she laid down with me. “He’s gone for a little run.”

“Is he upset with me?” I asked.

“No, Deirdre. He’s reflecting on how to help you, I think. He felt a little guilty that you worried you weren’t good enough for him.”

“I’m not good enough for you, either,” I said. Esme’s hand reached down and smacked my bum.

“That’s not true.”

“We’ll have to agree to disagree.”

“Absolutely not. You’re wrong about this, Deirdre.”

I tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t sound whiny, or goad-y. “Okay, Es.”

Esme’s hand moved under the back of my shirt. “I read in your therapy notes that you’re looking forward to watching me work on my projects. I was thinking maybe you’d like to try your hand at some of it, too.”

“Mm, no thanks,” I said, sighing. “I wouldn’t want to wreck anything.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t wreck it,” Esme insisted, giving me a squeeze. “I’d help you.”

“I’d just get in your way.”

Esme was quiet for a minute. I moved to sit up, and she loosened her hold on me. She stayed lying down, and I sat cross-legged, enjoying how her bouncy waves fanned out over the pillow. I pulled the hem of her shirt up and smoothed a hand over her tummy. She sighed, closing her eyes.

“Let me rephrase this,” Esme said after a few minutes. “Would you indulge me in trying my hobby? I want to bond with you and show you how to do different aspects of restoration.”

I couldn’t help my smile. “Is that really how you feel?”

“Yes.”

“Alright. As long as you’re happy for me to slow you down and get in your way.”

Esme sat up, the movement a little unnatural, like a mummy rising from a sarcophagus. She took my face in her hands, peppering me with kisses. “I’d be thrilled for you to slow me down and get in my way,” she replied.

I kissed her. “It’s settled, then.”

“Perfect. Are you up for the day, my love? It’s only five AM.” She let go of my face and I stretched.

“Yeah, I think I’m up. I slept too much to go back to sleep.”

“Mm,” she hummed. I slid off the bed, and she took my hand. “I want to fuss and hover over you. Is that okay?”

I felt my face warm. “You don’t have to do that. I’m fine, I promise. Sorry for last night.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Esme insisted. “It’s good for you to be open, to share what’s wrong. Besides, your blushes were absolutely delicious when the conversation began.”

“I had a hunch you liked that,” I said, petting her hair with both of my hands. It was ridiculously soft. “You naughty thing.”

Esme laughed. “Guilty as charged. And I’m afraid I will be a repeat offender,” she added a hand moving to my leg, pulling me closer to her. “You’re just too cute when you’re all blush-y and snappy. Mm…”

I shivered. “Are you and Carlisle having regular sex?” I blurted, the thought coming to my brain and going directly out of my mouth.

“Fairly regular,” Esme said casually, not seeming to mind. After last night, I guess the topic of sex was fair game. “Although we didn’t much on vacation, once the others were around. We wanted to spend our time with you, or the children.”

I licked my lips nervously. “I was really taken aback yesterday.”

“I know you were, sweetheart. But it was a good talk. An important talk.”

“Mhm. Carlisle said ‘illuminating’.”

“He did.”

I stepped between her legs, continuing to play with her hair. “Did you two debrief after I fell asleep?”

“We did. I don’t like this increase in panic attacks. I asked Carlisle if he thought a higher dose of your medication might be in order. He said you’d like to eventually get off of it, and while there’s no harm increasing right now if you need to, you might not be interested in that.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “What else did you two talk about?”

“We discussed a few ideas for some more… mild, sexual scenarios we could invite you to try.”

I raised a brow. “Could I have an example?”

“Certainly. One idea was just holding you in our arms and pressing a vibrator to your clit until your orgasmed. We also discussed several scenarios with dilators and plugs, since that could be helpful in preparing you for whatever you wish on our wedding night.”

I swallowed. “Ah. Okay.” I chewed my lip, not sure whether to admit or not, before building the courage. “I had a nightmare.”

“I know.”

Right. Of course. I'd already admitted as much. I chewed my lip. “Can I do your hair?”

Her eyes widened. “Oh, of course, duckling. I’d love that.”

I went and got her brush from the bathroom and an elastic, and we moved to the couches. She sat on the floor, between my legs, holding my feet as I brushed out her hair and began the braid.

“Are you going to tell me what happened in your nightmare?” Esme asked, squeezing my feet.

“I… Well, John-David was here.”

“Here? In our house?”

“Yes, and he wanted to take me away, and you are Carlisle were going to let him.”

“Oh sweetheart, how dreadful. I’m sorry. You know Carlisle and I would never, ever let him take you away. No one’s allowed to take you away, ever ever ever.”

“I know,” I said quietly. But the reassurance was nice.

Once I finished her hair, I got dressed and went downstairs with Esme. In the main area, everything had been cleared out of one section.

“For the pool,” Esme reminded me.

“Right. I forgot they’re coming today,” I said, putting a slice of bread in the toaster. I still wasn’t thrilled about the idea of swimming, but a part of me wanted to do it for them. I wanted their approval, their admiration. “Will I be getting a sticker chart?” I joked.

Esme grinned. “Would you like one? That can be arranged.”

Well, I walked myself into that one.

Chapter Text

Chapter 28

I barely saw the workers for the two days that they were installing the pool. Esme had me working with her in the basement or showering and napping in our room. Carlisle’s schedule had been moved around unexpectantly to accommodate for absent, ill colleagues.

“How’s my duckling this evening?” Carlisle asked, his voice slightly tinny over the phone. “Have you tried out the pool?”

“Not yet,” I said, stretching out on the bed and rolling over, phone pressed to my ear. “We’re going to wait until you’re home.”

“Ah. I’ll be home around lunch time tomorrow. Also, I want to begin a new procedure when I get home. I’m going to strip and shower in the guest suite, near the basement entrance. I don’t want to move around the house in my dirty clothes.”

Esme entered the bedroom with a cup of vitamins and a smoothie. I’d forgotten to take the vitamins in the whirlwind of the day. I mouthed ‘thank you’ and she set them down on the bedside table for me.

“Honeybee and I can move your clothes downstairs for you and set up a laundry basket.”

“Thank you. That should work well. Feel free to leave some of my sweaters upstairs for yourself.”

I blushed. “I like your sweaters better when you’ve worn them.”

Carlisle chuckled. “Alright. I’ll wear them around the house and then hang them up for you. Deal?”

“Deal. Is work alright?”

Carlisle sighed. He sounded tired. “Busy. I miss you.”

I chewed my lip. “I miss you too. I know you’re doing important work. They’re lucky to have you.”

“I’m lucky to have you,” he replied. “Have you taken your vitamins today?”

“Esme grabbed them for me,” I said. “She made me a smoothie, too.”

Esme crawled onto the bed behind me, her chin resting on my shoulder as she spooned me. “Hi, flittermouse,” she called.

“Honeybee,” Carlisle breathed. “Thank you for taking care of our duckling.”

“My pleasure,” Esme answered, kissing my jaw. “She’s been a very good assistant today. She learned how to use the sander and strip paint.”

“And she wore a mask for that?”

“Of course,” Esme assured him. She must’ve heard something in the background, because after a pause she said. “We’d better let you go. We’ll go swimming once you get home. Just think about seeing duckling in a swimsuit. That should keep you in a good mood.”

“Hey!” I protested. “Es will be in a swimsuit, too,”

Carlisle chuckled. “Alright. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

“Love you,” I said.

“Love you,” Esme echoed.

“Love you both, too,” Carlisle replied. “Sleep well, Deirdre. See you tomorrow.”

“G’night,”

“See you tomorrow,” Esme replied. The call ended, and she set my phone aside in order to cuddle up to me. She hummed happily, and I moved an arm so I could pet her hair.

“Will you save some of the work of moving Carlisle’s clothes for me? I want to help,” I insisted. She kissed my cheek.

“Sure thing. I’m going to move down a chest of drawers while you sleep, but you can help with the rest.”

“Thanks.”

She closed her eyes while I caressed her face, tucking her hair behind her ear. I kissed her forehead. She hummed happily. She let me shift her in my arms until I had full access to her face and neck.

“Too bad I can’t give you hickies,” I mused. She smiled, eyes remaining closed.

“You can bite me. When you’re a vampire.”

“Goodie. Another thing I have to wait for…”

Esme huffed a laugh. “Sorry, love. All in good time.”

I kissed her forehead. “Alright. I’d better drink this before it melts.”

“Oh, yes. And take your vitamins, please.”

Esme sat up and I took both cups into my hands. She held the vitamin cup so I could pull out a few tablets at a time.

“Are there more in here than usual, or is it my imagination?” I complained.

“These are the usual ones, according to the note Carlisle left in the cabinet.”

“Alright,” I grumbled. “Just seems like a lot.”

“I know, honey,” Esme soothed. “We just want you healthy and strong.”

“I know,” I conceded. I finished off the vitamins, taking the cup from her and setting it aside before quietly finishing the rest of the smoothie. I set the smoothie aside, flopping into the pillows with a sigh.

Esme’s hand moved over my back, then patted my bum. “You’ve got to brush your teeth.”

I groaned. “Too comfy.”

“Hm. Well, if you’re sure. Carlisle has received dental training, although it’s been a few decades. I’m sure he’d brush up on the new techniques before taking care of any of your cavities.”

“Cavities?” I shot up. “I don’t have cavities!”

“And would you like to keep it that way?”

I huffed, sliding off the bed. “One night without brushing isn’t going to give me cavities.”

“Not one night,” Esme called as I stumbled to the bathroom. “But sometimes when you sleep on the couch, we don’t wake you. Dental hygiene is important to overall health.”

I blinked wearily around the bathroom, brushing my teeth with my eyes closed before flossing and rinsing my mouth.

“Good girl,” Esme praised as I climbed back into bed. She pet my hair. “Would you like to play before bed?”

“Mm-mm. Too tired.”

“Alright, sweet one. Sleep tight.”

There was a soft knock at the closet door.

“Come in,” I murmured. Carlisle entered, wearing just swim trunks.

“Hello, my love. And here I was hoping I’d get to help you change.”

I rolled my eyes, although with all the sex talk maybe he wasn’t joking. I’d already put on a swimsuit (Esme had not-so-subtly hinted that she wanted me to wear the new red one piece she’d bought me) and had wrapped myself in a towel, trying to build up the courage to go downstairs.

“I think I’ve gained weight,” I said, looking in the mirror.

“You have,” Carlisle said, kissing my cheek. “About eight pounds since we got you back at the end of November. I hope you’ll put on a little more, before the wedding. You could lose as much as forty pounds during the pregnancy.”

I looked up at him. “Don’t people usually put on weight during pregnancy?”

“Yes, during normal human pregnancies. A hybrid pregnancy is different.”

I frowned. “I don’t think I need to gain more weight. I’d still be in the healthy range if I lost thirty pounds.”

“Based on what?”

“Based on BMI.”

“BMI is a load of nonsense. You eat very well, your sleep is much better, and we’ll be working on your exercise.”

I pulled the towel tighter. “Have you told Alice I’m gaining weight? She might have to change the measurements on the dress.”

“Alice has assured me it’s covered,” Carlisle said, kissing my cheek. “Now that that is settled, is it time for a swim?”

I chewed on my lip, and Carlisle’s arms moved around my waist. He rocked me back and forth a little. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” he asked gently.

“I could drown,” I whispered.

“Impossible. Esme and I will be there. What else could happen?”

I swallowed. “I don’t know. I faint?”

“We’d fish you out in milliseconds. What else could happen?”

I licked my lips. “Um, I could have a panic attack?”

“That could happen. We’d help you out and take care of you. What else could happen?”

I wasn’t used to such a line of questioning. “I don’t know. I could pee in the pool.”

“Do you need to pee?”

“No, I just went.”

“Alright,” he said, trying to hide the smile in his voice. “Well, there are chemicals for that. Tell me what else could go wrong.”

I swallowed. “I’m trying not to come off as ungrateful,” I admitted. “I’m just really nervous.”

He gave me a squeeze. “I know you’re nervous. That’s why I came to get you.” He gave me another squeeze. “Esme and I knew this would be difficult for you, but important. We’re not expecting you to cannonball in and play mermaids for hours and refuse to get out of the pool on the first night. We’re just going to go in for five minutes, and then five minutes in the hot tub, and then showers and lunch.”

I grabbed at his hands. “Can we stay here another minute?”

“One more minute, and then we’ll go down.”

I felt myself immediately start to panic more. How long had that been? Ten seconds? I only had fifty seconds left, maybe less…

“Deirdre, look at me, please.” I met his gaze in the mirror. “Have I ever pushed you past what you were capable of?”

I licked my lips. “Isle Esme?”

He winced. “Alright, fair. Other than that?”

“No.”

“Right. We’re going to try five minutes. Do you think you can go in for five minutes?”

I chewed my lip. “You’re going in, too, right?”

“Of course.”

Carlisle gave me another squeeze, this time holding it longer until I melted in his arms. He scooped me up, my head flopping against his shoulder. I felt like a safe little towel burrito in his arms. He carried me out of the closet, out of our room, and down the stairs.

Esme was waiting at the pool, her milky legs dipping into the water as she sat at the edge. Her smile widened as we approached, and she stood.

“Did I see a hint of red?” she asked. I could feel my face throbbing with a blush. Carlisle’s eyebrows went up.

“Are you wearing a new swimsuit?” he asked.

“Esme bought it,” I said quickly. “You can blame her.”

“More like you can thank me,” Esme said to him, tugging at the towel I’d wrapped around myself. I tightened my grip on it.

“Esme’s allowed to buy you things,” Carlisle said. “Now before I forget, let’s put your bracelet and ring aside.”

He took both off my hand, removing his own wedding ring and collecting Esme’s before walking over and setting the pile of jewelry on the coffee table.

“Can I see?” Esme asked, her hand moving to my towel again.

“I think it’s a bit small on me,” I said, trying to deflect.

“Swimsuits are meant to be tight. Let me take a look.”

Begrudgingly, I loosened my grip, and she pulled the towel away. Her eyes widened, and her breath caught. “Oh, Deirdre. No, it fits perfectly, baby.” She audibly swallowed, her eyes flicking all over as she took my in. Carlisle smiled warmly, winking when I caught his eye.  “Turn,” Esme instructed, taking my hand. I turned slowly and she made sounds of approval. “Gorgeous,” she crooned.

“I’d have to agree,” Carlisle chimed in.

Esme started running her hands over the swimsuit and I shuddered, standing there while she admired me. Carlisle moved forward, taking one of my hands. Esme kissed the back of my neck and sighed.

“Oh, I just love you so much!” she said, hugging me from behind. “Carlisle, would you get the camera?”

He disappeared.

“I don’t want pictures,” I protested.

“Well I do. And someday you might want pictures. Human memories aren’t as strong as vampire memories.”

I frowned. “Will I forget my human life?”

Carlisle returned. “Not all of it. It’ll just become fuzzy, and the more important things will be what stick out.”

Esme kissed my neck, then sucked on it and I let out a shriek. Carlisle snapped a picture.

“Hey!” I said, laughing as he took a few more. He set the camera aside, then sat down by the edge of the pool, dipping his legs into the water. I sobered, instantly nervous again.

“What’s the worst that could happen?” he asked gently.

“I could die,” I said, my voice an octave higher than a moment before.

“Would we let you die?” he asked gently. “Right after we built a pool for you?”

I gulped. “No?”

Carlisle remained patient. “We’re not going to let you die, or get anywhere close to it.”

Esme’s hands touched my shoulders gently, but I wasn’t prepared. I shrieked, jumping forward, arms flailing as I fell towards the pool. In a flash, Carlisle stood and caught me, preventing me from falling in. Esme’s arms had wrapped around my waist. I wouldn’t have fallen. Both of them would catch me.

“I’m sorry, Deirdre, I didn’t mean to frighten you,” Esme said. I covered my face, feeling myself close to tears.

“Breathe,” Carlisle said, his voice neutral and soft.

I could feel my heart racing. Oh god, I was really being an asshole, wasn’t I? But I was so scared, horrified, and ashamed I couldn’t move.

“Breathe, Deirdre. You need to breathe,” Carlisle said, his voice more firm.

“I’m so sorry, Deirdre,” Esme murmured. “Breathe, sweetheart.”

“Let’s bring her away from the pool,” Carlisle said softly. I felt Esme lift me up, and then set me down on the couch.

“I’m so sorry, darling,” Esme said more urgently, petting my hair.

“I’m sorry,” I squeaked. My chest hurt really bad, and I could feel myself shaking. Finally I let myself draw in a breath, and then I was quickly drawing in another, and another.

“Slow, deep breaths,” Esme coached, her hand moving over my diaphragm.

“I can’t! I-I-I’m s-sorry,” I cried, breathing faster.

“It’s alright, Deedee. You’re okay, love. Sit up, honey. You’ll be able to breathe better. That’s it. Lean on me. Oh, my darling, I’m so sorry for giving you a fright.”

I cried into her shoulder. “I’m—sorry—I—can’t—stop—I—know—it—was—an—accident,” I cried, groaning in frustration that I couldn’t even talk to her.

“I know you can’t stop. It’s alright. It’ll pass, Deirdre. I’ve got you, my love.”

She pulled me so I was straddling her lap, and I tucked my hot face against her chilly neck.

“I know—you wouldn’t push me i-in,” I sobbed. “I know th-at. I know—I know you wouldn’t, but it feels like you would—at the same t-time. I’m sorry!”

“Shh. It’s alright, little one. I know what you mean. I’m not upset. You just focus on breathing for me, okay?”

“ ‘Kay,” I whimpered, feeling weak and stupid. “I love you,” I squeaked.

“I love you too, darling. I love you so much. I promise I’m not mad that you were scared.”

“Deirdre,” Carlisle’s voice was soft. “Let me see your face.”

I pulled back from Esme, blinking wearily at him.

“Close your eyes,” he instructed, holding a sopping wet washcloth. “This is going to be cold.”

I did as he said, but still shuddered when he pressed the cloth over my eyes.

“Putting your face in a bowl of cold water is supposed to help interrupt panic attacks,” Carlisle explained. “But that wouldn’t be such a good idea for you. How does the compress feel?”

“Cold,” I rasped. I coughed, then sniffed. “Sorry. I feel like an idiot.”

“Don’t call yourself that,” Esme chided.

“Fine. A dumb-dumb.”

“Deirdre,” Esme warned.

“A big, whiny baby, then,” I grumbled. “You put all this effort and money into the pool, and I just… I’m just a big fat wuss.”

“Enough,” Esme said, her tone more authoritative than I was used to. “I will entertain no more depreciative comments about my duckling. You’re smart, beautiful, kind, and brave. I love those things about you.” Then, softer, she added: “We knew the pool was going to be challenging for you. But that’s okay. You don’t have to go in today. Maybe you and I could sit here, and we’ll supervise Carlisle. What do you think?”

Carlisle pulled the wet cloth off my eyes and I blinked at them both.

“I can try again,” I said weakly.

“No. Not today,” Esme said finally. Oh thank god. She ducked forward and kissed my cheek before looking up to Carlisle. “Alright, excellent grandpa. Hop to it. We’re waiting for the show to start.”

Carlisle’s eyebrows nearly shot off his face and I laughed, releasing a little tension.

Carlisle huffed playfully, shaking his head as he padded over to the pool at a human pace. “The things I do for love,” he called, descending the ladder into the water with a good-natured smile.

“Are you going to come in, my darling?” Carlisle asked, sitting in his chair. I wondered if we would have to do this charade every time. He was taking notes before I’d even entered the room. I stood in the doorway, arms crossed. He was quickly approaching the end of his notebook. I noticed another identical book sat on the coffee table, wrapped in plastic, along with another pen.

“Is Esme gone yet?”

“She is.”

I didn’t move, and after another minute of writing he looked up at me. He just… looked at me. Trying to figure me out.

“I don’t want therapy right now,” I said. “I want to build a time machine.”

Carlisle set his notebook aside. “And where would you be going in your time machine?”

I licked my lips. “Back to this morning.”

“Did you have a nice morning with Esme?”

I nodded. “We just worked on the projects. We picked paint colours and new hardware for a cabinet.”

“I see. And would going back to this morning help you change your panic attack later in the day?”

I rubbed over my heart. “Maybe.”

“Maybe how?”

“I would just… I would say I wasn’t ready, instead of trying.”

“Were you not prepared to go in the pool?”

I chewed my thumb. Then I stood upright. “Did you start the timer yet?”

Carlisle smiled. “I don’t start it until you come inside.”

“That’s not fair! We’re totally already talking about my feelings.”

“You’d better hurry in, then, love.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m not ready.”

“Alright. I can wait.”

And he stopped talking, watching me with an amused, adoring expression.

“I’m getting a drink,” I told him, stomping off. I turned when I reached the stairs, but he hadn’t followed. I went down to the kitchen, making myself a mug of water before checking that he hadn’t appeared. I flipped the pool the bird and mouthed ‘fuck you, pool’ to the pool before carefully climbing the stairs.

“Flittermouse, can we do this later?” I called.

“You’ve already put it off once, and I had to reschedule once as well. We’ve got lots to discuss,” Carlisle called.

“No we don’t,” I sang, moving to our bedroom and sitting on the couch. “Can we at least sit in here?” No response. I padded over to the therapy room, sighing and stopping in the doorframe. “I really don’t want to do this today,” I said. “I already feel emotional and silly. I’ve reached my crying quota.”

“What do you feel silly about?” he asked.

“Uh-uh. That’s a therapy question,” I said.

“That’s a partner question, too. Are you perseverating on the accident by the pool?”

I blinked rapidly. “No,” I said, maybe too quickly.

“Deidre,” Carlisle warned.

“I told you I don’t want to do this today!”

I turned around and walked off. Of course I didn’t want to re-hash everything. It sucked enough the first time around. Esme’s unexpected touch had driven me into a panic attack, and I’d become so clingy and ridiculous that she hadn’t made me swim. It was for the best, though. I think I would’ve hyperventilated until I fainted if she’d tried to get me in the water.

I returned to our room, setting the mug aside and laying on the couch. Tears came to my eyes, burning as they slipped down my face. How many tears could one girl cry? Was I going to mess up my tear ducts from all my crying? Or did that just keep them in really good shape?

“Carlisle, can we please not do therapy?” I whispered. There was no sound or movement, and I picked up my cup, moving back to the room.

“I’m not doing it today,” I told him.

“Alright.” He said simply.

“Alright? That’s it?”

“Yes. I won’t force you.”

I felt a second set of hot tears race down my face. “I cry too much.”

His eyebrows raise. “Do you? I didn’t know there were thresholds.”

“Stop joking with me,” I growled. “I didn’t used to cry before I met you two. I was much stronger back then.”

“You worked a thankless job and had no energy for hobbies or socializing. I don’t think we need to romanticize your independence.”

I wiped my tears and sniffed. “Normal people don’t cry this much.”

“Normal people don’t have the amount of trauma you do.”

“Even people who have trauma don’t cry as much as I do.”

“Different people deal with trauma differently. A lot of people depersonalize, or get angry. You tend to cry and seek reassurance. That’s a fairly healthy response, all things considered.”

“I depersonalize sometimes,” I pointed out.

“You do. You also get angry sometimes, but that’s quite rare.”

I mulled that over for a moment and then groaned. “Carlisle, I can’t do this today. My head already hurts.”

“I can get you some painkillers. Why don’t you come lie down?”

I made a move to go inside and then I stopped. “I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“I’m not doing therapy today. I can’t.”

“Alright.”

I groaned. “I mean it.”

“I know you do, my love.”

I stomped my foot. Very mature, Deirdre. “I really mean it, Carlisle!”

“I know.”

I felt a weird feeling in my heart. “Carlisle, stop it. I don’t need a doctor, I need you. Please.”

~

Carlisle studied his lover. The last few days had been incredibly successful in terms of Deirdre opening up. He had chapters of notes he wanted to discuss with her, strategies he wanted her to try, plans he wanted her to think she came up with.

Deirdre seemed wary of their looming session. He had to bite back a few smiles as he listened to her stomp around the hall, the mainfloor, and their room. It was fascinating to him how she pouted and told him over and over that they weren’t having therapy. Now she stood before him again, a little more desperate than the last time. Every time she returned to him, she blurted out more of her thoughts, but insisted on no therapy.

He wondered if he should push her. It was a delicate balance. On the one hand, the therapy sessions seemed to be improving their communication quite a bit. On the other hand, he knew she struggled to assert herself, and forcing her to push her feelings away and submit to a session could hurt her self-confidence.

She was watching him. Interesting that she told him bluntly that the session wasn’t going to happen, but that she was waiting around for him to formally agree with her. She wanted him to put his things away and leave the room.

She tapped her foot and chewed on her thumb. Two nervous habits at once. He could see her resolve thinning, and she wasn’t pleased about it. Time to throw his sweet girl a bone.

“I feel very strongly that you should have a session tomorrow evening, if you aren’t ready for one today.”

Her shoulders sagged. “Okay, flittermouse.” Relief. He heard her heartbeat begin to slow almost immediately.

She waited while he put his notebooks and pens away, continuing to stand at the threshold, as if she stepped inside the room properly, she might get sucked into a session. The therapy room was serving its purpose, in a way. It held her trepidation and wariness and kept it from extending to their entire house.

She was still nervous, her lips pulled into a frown. Carlisle needed to give her a sense of control.

He moved to the doorway at a human pace, letting her see his hand move towards her face before cupping her cheek. “Could we spend some time together?” he asked. Her pupils dilated and he did what he could not to break into a grin. He loved her reaction to him, and to Esme.

“Yes,” she said. “Why don’t we go to our room?”

“Perfect,” Carlisle agreed. He put his hand in hers and let her lead him to their room. She stopped at the couches, licked her lips, then looked to him.

“Shall we sit?” she asked. Oh, she’d had enough of being in charge. That was quick. Was she uncomfortable telling him what to do? Or just unused to calling the shots?

Carlisle had the luxury of a brain that worked in hyper speed. Responding If you wish could create uncertainty around if he agreed with her choice.  Yes, let’s could seem a bit condescending, or that she needed his approval. Perhaps, then, he could gently request another option. That would do. She would get to make the decision, but his preference would be clear.

“I was hoping I could hold you, if you would be comfortable with that?”

Her eyebrows raised ever so slightly. “Oh yes! I mean, s-sure.”

He sat, holding his arms out for her as she climbed on. After the swimming fiasco, she’d changed back into her earlier clothes—jeans and a sweater. They smelled like basement and paint thinner and Esme. She would be more comfortable in loungewear, even pyjamas. In a few minutes, when her heartrate had slowed, he would suggest helping her change.

He would miss how warm she was when she was a vampire. A trade-off for her safety, but a trade-off, nonetheless. He’d just savour these moments. She wrapped one arm around his back, the other hand on his bicep as his arms encircled her. Her head rested on his shoulder, and he smiled as he felt her muscles relax. She breathed deeper—she enjoyed his scent. It brought him a primitive satisfaction.

“Thank you,” she said softly.

“What are you thanking me for?” he asked. He had a few ideas but was curious for her to specify.

“Thank you for listening to me.”

Ah, he’d made the right call, then, validating her request. He kissed the top of her head. She smelled wonderful to him as well, and he found himself swallowing a mouthful of venom. That was not a sensation to which he was accustomed. “You’re very welcome. Thank you for being honest with me.”

“Welcome,” she replied softly. Her heartbeat was slowing to a nice, at-rest tempo. Then she tensed slightly. “Are you sure you’re okay holding me?”

“Positively certain,” he confirmed. He felt one of his prepared therapy speeches bubbling to his lips. It was one he’d edited and practiced with Esme the night before. “Deirdre, I need you to trust that if something was wrong, I would let you know. I would tell you, and work on it with you. I’m not harbouring any secret resentment towards you, little one. I’ve always been upfront about what I’m comfortable with, and I hope I’ve adequately conveyed that shift throughout the past few months. Upon further reflection, I do believe I could have, and perhaps should have, been more explicit with my changes in boundaries.”

“I pressured you,” she said quietly.

“You made your wishes known,” Carlisle replied, stroking her hair. She always liked that. “Do I not make my wishes known to you? You occasionally decline.”

“Like when?”

“Like when you didn’t want to drink your smoothie, or when you weren’t ready to come into the room for therapy for our first session.”

“Yeah, but you got me to do that stuff any way.”

“I did. But I let you decide you were ready. I didn’t hold you down and force smoothie down your throat, did I?”

Deirdre swallowed, her fingers twitching on his arm. “No.”

“Did I drag you into the room and tie you to the daybed?”

She shook her head. It was a bad sign when she stopped answering verbally. He needed to lighten the mood. She was likely beginning to spin it negatively on herself—that she should’ve known, or she was idiotic to hold such an opinion of her actions.

“Precisely. Now, have we adequately discussed the boundaries conversation to your liking, or do you have other points you’d like me to refute?”

Deirdre stuck a tongue out at Carlisle and he smiled a warm, happy smile. “No, I’m good,” she said finally.

“Excellent,” Carlisle murmured, giving her a squeeze with a slow release. He didn’t want her to settle back down too much, not when the topic at hand would bring her back up. “I was wondering if we could discuss spankings.”

She gulped. “Sure. I mean, I’d like them again.”

That was exceptional news! Of course, he’d hoped as much, given how she’d brought it up twice in their conversation on intimacy. He immediately scrapped his speech on the benefits of spanking. “You would?”

“Yes.”

“You wouldn’t feel as though I was just hitting you for my own amusement?”

Carlisle examined her face as she blushed. “No. It feels like a claim, and a promise, and I like it. And it makes my brain shut up.”

Carlisle was satisfied with her reply. He liked the claim and promise aspects. And he’d suspected before that another pull had been the cathartic release. She was so anxious, it had to feel good to be empty of thoughts for a time, no matter how short.

“Alright. And modifications?”

She averted her gaze. “I… um, would… maybe Esme could spank me, or you, but not both, for now? I just. I prefer when you hold me and spank, or she does, instead of both of you at once.”

“Certainly. Is it more comfortable that way?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you. Good asking, sweetheart.”

She settled back into his arms, but he could feel her wiggling more. Her fingers and toes twitched, and she couldn’t re-settle. Her heartbeat was stronger.

“Something else on your mind, duckling?” he asked.

“Um…” she trailed off. He gave her a minute, then prompted her.

“Mhm?”

“I… oh. I mean… Maybe later.”

“Maybe later?” He forced himself not to smile. She wanted a spanking, didn’t she? She was becoming deliciously squirmy in his arms.

“Maybe later, we could… you could… If you wouldn’t mind…”

“Yes?”

“Could you… would you… spank me, please?”

“Of course,” Carlisle promised, pressing a kiss to her head. “Now or later?”

“I… whenever,” she said, trying her best to sound nonchalant. Delicious, sweet Deirdre...

“Would you like a spanking now?”

She swallowed. “Yes, but…”

“But?”

“I can be patient.”

“I know you can, duckling. You don’t need to be patient now, though. I’m ready whenever you are.”

Her breathing got a little heavier. “I’m ready.”

“Perfect. Shall I spank you here or on the bed?”

Her sweet face lit up red. “Wherever you’d like,” she said softly.

“You’d like me to pick?”

“Mhm.”

“I can do that,” he said, rubbing her shoulders. “After your spanking I’d like to help you change into some pyjamas. I think you need some cozy time for the rest of the day.”

“Okay, Carlisle,” she said.

“If you need me to stop, you’ll say stop, understand?”

“I understand.”

“What do you say if it gets to be too much?”

“Stop.”

“Good girl.”

She had a shy smile. Oh, he was going to fit so much praise into this spanking…

“Can I be in charge now, love? Can you let me take over?”

“Yes.”

“That’s my marvelous girl. Just relax, now. I’ll take care of everything.”

He lifted her up, bringing her over to the bed. He set her down carefully and unbuttoned her jeans, pulling them off and removing her panties and socks. She stiffened, and he could hear her heart pick up speed, her breathing getting quicker.

“Do you still want a spanking, beautiful?” he asked, careful to keep his voice gentle and neutral. In his opinion, she needed this. But he needed her to share that opinion.

“Yes please,” she said, her voice tight.

“Just nervous?”

“Uh-huh.”

“That’s alright, love,” he soothed. “It’s alright to be nervous. You know I’ll take good care of you, don’t you?”

“Mhm.”

“Good. And you know I love you very much.”

“I know,” she said, wiggling her toes. “I love you, too.”

“What do you say if you need me to stop?”

“Stop.”

“Good girl. I won’t be mad if you need me to stop. I’ll be very pleased that you were honest with me. Alright?”

“Okay, flittermouse.”

“Wonderful. Take a nice, big, deep breath for me, please. Very well done, my love. Now, do you want to hug a pillow or have me hold your hands?”

She thought for a moment. He could see in her expression that she was already floating off somewhere. She’d needed to relinquish control. “I don’t know,” she said.

“Let’s try a pillow this time, and then next time you’ll have an idea of which you prefer.”

“Okay, flittermouse.”

He placed the pillow in her arms, then moved her onto her stomach. “Bend your knees, please.”

He was able to lift her hips and move himself to sit on the bed. He moved her easily into position, and he smiled to himself when she relaxed. He was going to tell every minute detail of this experience to Esme later in the evening when Deirdre was asleep.

“I’m going to warm you up, and then we’ll keep going as much as we need.”

“ ‘Kay,” she murmured. She tensed slightly when his cool hand rested on her bottom, and he smoothed over the skin there. She didn’t tense or flinch when he began, the impacts no harder than if he were patting her face, then a little harder, like he’d pat her back, then harder still until he worked her up to just a touch under his usual hardness. He wanted this to last for a while. He noticed her feet flex, her wiggle as she tried to adjust her torso. She moved her face to the other side, and he reached over and moved the hair away from her face.

“Thanks,” she breathed.

“You’re welcome. You’re doing so well. How does it feel?”

“Good,” she replied. And he believed her. She looked a touch beyond dazed. He’d need to be careful with her, now.

“Such a good girl,” he praised. “A beautiful, caring young woman. How lucky am I?” She shuddered under his hands, going limp. “Sweet, beautiful… You’re doing very well, Deirdre,” he said, keeping a regular pace. “Shall we keep going, my love?”

“Yes please,” she breathed.

“Oh, what a polite girl I have. So smart and polite,” he mused as he continued for another few minutes. She’d be a bit uncomfortable sitting for a few days, but she’d be fine. She could lay on the couch on her front, and stand to eat her food in the kitchen. Or she could sit on his lap, wiggling as her bum burned. That was another possibility.

He slowed, rubbing the reddened skin with his hands, trying to soothe the sting. He’d get her some cream in a minute, but for now she needed to be held. “Phenomenal, Deidre. You took your spanking very well.”

“Thank you, flittermouse,” she breathed.

“You’re welcome, always. You just let me know.”

She nodded, sagging back into the pillow. He ran his hands down her thighs and up her back. After a few minutes, he helped her sit up and left to get the cream and some pyjamas.

“I still kinda have a headache,” she admitted, her eyes still dreamy.

“Ah, yes,” he said. He put a hand on her hip and she let him push her onto her stomach again so he could smooth the bruise cream over her. “Let’s get you in pyjamas and then we’ll find you some painkillers and water.”

“Thanks,” she said, so softly a human wouldn’t have caught it.

“Welcome.”

Within minutes he had her laying on the downstairs couch on her tummy while he closed all the blinds. She was sucking on a bottle of water, her lids half-closed. He’d taken a picture and sent it to Esme, and he felt his phone buzz incessantly in his pocket as he moved around the room, closing the rest of the window coverings until it was dim.

“I’d better not sleep,” Deirdre said softly.

“Whyever not?”

“It’ll throw off my schedule.”

“I wouldn’t worry about that. I won’t let you sleep too long.”

She settled back in the pillows. “When’s honeybee going to be home?”

He checked his phone. “Soon,” he assured. Rather soon, if her texts were any indication.

“Are you going to tell her?” she asked. She seemed half-asleep, and Carlisle loved her that way. Another thing to savour, while it lasted.

“Of course. I tell her everything.”

“You don’t tell me everything.”

He frowned. “Not yet. Would you like to have our talk tonight?”

“Sure,” she agreed easily, eyes fluttering closed.

“Are you certain?” he asked gently. She didn’t reply. Ah well. She’d had quite the afternoon. Her breaths evened out; her heartbeat slowed. She was asleep. That was something that would become challenging for her as a vampire—how to reset, when she couldn’t lose consciousness. He made a mental note to add some alternative strategies to her therapy sessions. Perhaps meditation… guided meditation.

He heard Esme running, her pace only slowing to enter the house as quietly as possible. She must’ve heard Deirdre’s heartbeat and realized she was asleep.

Esme entered, taking in the sight of Deirdre passed out on the couch. She smiled a big, goofy grin. “Must’ve been a good session, Dr. Cullen.”

Carlisle returned a smile. “We didn’t have a session, actually,” he said, explaining what had happened.

Esme took a seat on the floor in front of Deirdre. Deirdre usually slept on her side, occasionally propped up on her back if she was sick. She looked absolutely delectable draped over pillows on her front. Esme carefully pulled up the waistband to sneak a peek at her lover’s reddened bottom.

“How many?”

“Thirty. I was a bit more gentle than I usually am.”

Esme brushed Deirdre’s hair away from her face, and Deirdre’s nose wrinkled, her eyebrows furrowing in her sleep.

“God, she’s so beautiful,” Esme whispered. She looked up to Carlisle from her position on the floor. “Thank you for giving her to me.”

Carlisle sat, taking his wife into his arms and peppering her with kisses. “Thank you for being so wonderful with her. So loving, so patient. You two make me the happiest man on earth.”

The vampires stared at their sleeping lover the way owners might adoringly stare at a sleeping puppy.

“Deirdre and I agreed we’d have our talk tonight,” Carlisle said. “She was nearly asleep, so I don’t know if she’ll remember agreeing.”

Esme sighed and leaned back into him. “We should do it. It’s been put off enough already.”

Carlisle kissed Esme’s jaw. “I know we must. I just find it incredibly difficult to breach with her.”

Esme’s hands patted over top of his. “I’m worried, to. I know she’ll be upset, likely even disturbed by some things. But it needs to happen. It’ll make our relationship stronger in the end. And Alice hasn’t called to warn us, so it must go alright.”

Carlisle chuckled. “True,” he conceded.

Esme closed her eyes, enjoying her husband’s embrace, the sweet floral scent of her lover, and her soft breaths.

“Shall I make her something for dinner?” Esme asked.

“We should wake her to ask. Deirdre’s been weird about me making food,” Carlisle murmured.

“Well, if you’d stop sneaking her things in the smoothies—” Esme said, her voice so low Deirdre wouldn’t be able to hear it even if she was awake.

“She’s being a good sport about the supplements, generally. But some things are better in a powder or liquid.”

“She’s concerned about her weight,” Esme added.

“She’s perfectly healthy,” Carlisle promised. “I would like her to gain some muscle. It’ll help with her bone strength.”

“Swimming will help with that,” Esme said. “Once we can get her in the pool. Did you ask Alice…?”

Carlisle sighed. “She doesn’t know what went wrong. It’ll be a slower process than we expected, but slower will work faster than pushing her. Alice recommended having her get in her swimsuit and just sit near the pool tomorrow while we swim for a few minutes. Then, the day after, she can dip her foot in at the ladder. The day after, we’ll have her sit by the ladder…”

Esme twisted in his arms so she could lean her head against his shoulder. “I’ve been thinking of making her a sticker chart. Maybe tonight you and I could go over the steps so I can make her some goals?”

“That would be perfect,” Carlisle replied. “It’ll be something positive to focus on, after this evening…”

Esme’s touch was as light as a butterfly as her hand landed on his cheek. She pulled him down to kiss him. “It will. Our talk will be difficult, but she’s ready. And it’s necessary.”

Carlisle kissed her back. “You’re right, my love. We can do this for her.”

“Shall you wake her up, or shall I?”

~

I woke up to a cold hand on my cheek. But not my face.

“Does my little duckling have a sore bottom?” Esme asked.

I groaned and stretched before flopping back into the pile of pillows. “S’a bit sore,” I mumbled.

She pulled my hand out of the waistband of my sweatpants and patted my back. “How do you feel?”

I blinked at her. “Silly.”

Her eyebrows lifted a little. “Why silly?”

I sat up carefully, then glanced over at the pool.

“Oh. Don’t feel silly, Deirdre,” Esme said, moving to stand. She pet my hair before taking my face in her hands and sweetly kissing my forehead, then my nose, then my lips. I put my hands on her hips, shivering and moving my head to the side to allow her access as she continued to kiss down my jaw and to my neck.

“Where’s flittermouse?” I asked her.

“He’s in the kitchen,” Carlisle called. I couldn’t move my head, as it was still in Esme’s hands.

“What are you doing in the kitchen, batman?”

I heard Carlisle chuckle. “I’m getting your vitamins and looking through the pantry, thinking of what you might like for dinner.”

“I was going to make spaghetti,” I said.

“Shall I put a pot on to boil for you?”

“Yes please,” I said, shuddering as Esme sucked on my neck. “Es,” I groaned.

“Yes, baby?”

“You’re going to make me pass out,” I accused, shuddering. Her laugh was warm.

“Then pass out. I’ve got you. God, you were so adorable propped up on those pillows—”

“Carlisle,” I called.

“Deirdre,” he replied patiently.

“I am being fondled by your wife!”

The both of them laughed at me, and Esme released me. Her eyes were bright, and she seemed perfectly relaxed, sure of herself, confident. Just like she had when I first met her.

 “Careful,” she murmured. “I’ll be your wife soon enough.”

“You’ll be allowed to fondled me as much as you want, then,” I said.

“I think I should be allowed to fondle you some, beforehand. As honorarium for services rendered, as your lover.”

“And what are the services you are rendering?” I asked.

Esme played hurt. “You haven’t noticed how I tend to you? Your needs and wants and desires?”

I could feel my face starting to pulse as I blushed. “Alright. I guess you can grope me.”

Carlisle laughed and Esme pouted. “Don’t say grope. Fondle is terrible enough. Grope makes me sound like a sleezeball.”

“Sorry honeybee,” I apologized. “Please do what you wish. I’m all yours.”

Her pout turned lustful. She grinned. “Careful, ducking. That’s quite the offer.”

I licked my lips. “Anything, as long as you don’t throw me in the pool.”

Esme sighed. “Believe it or not, we didn’t get the pool to torment you.”

Now I felt guilty. I played with her hair, avoiding her eyes. “I know. I just… I don’t know. It really freaked me out, all of a sudden.”

Esme kissed me once, twice, again and again until she could push me back into the pillows on the couch. She caressed my cheek and I looked up at her, dazed, breathless.

“Beautiful, sweet Deirdre,” she murmured. “I know the pool scared you. We’ll go slower, my love. All in good time.”

“Thanks, bee. I love you.”

Esme kissed my head. “Love you, too. Now, flittermouse and I are dying to feed you. May we?”

“Carlisle already put my water on to boil,” I said, sitting up. My bum hurt, and I shifted to take the pressure off. “I can do it.”

“It’s not that you can’t,” Esme said. “It’s just that we want to tend to you. Carlisle told me you want to have our talk tonight, and it’s making me want to wrap you up in bubble wrap.”

I looked to Carlisle. “I can put the pasta on,” he said softly. “Spaghetti or fusilli?”

“Fusilli, please,” I said. “Weren’t you two going to let me do more on my own?”

“Well, yes,” Esme acknowledged. “But we’re both a bit tense tonight, in anticipation of our talk. It’s sweet of you to let Carlisle help.”

I stretched, yawning. “I feel really good,” I mused.

“It’s the endorphins,” Carlisle called from the kitchen. “Darling, have you had your vitamins yet?”

“No,” I said, getting up. “I’ll grab them. Es said there’s a list or a note or something?”

“I’ll get them,” Carlisle said. “Will you have a smoothie?”

“I’ll just have some water,” I said. “I don’t want to ruin my dinner.”

Carlisle frowned. “Hm. Alright.”

I moved to the cupboard with the vitamins.

“I’ll grab them,” Carlisle said again. “Go get yourself some water, my love.”

“I can do it all,” I said. “Where is this list? How many of these do I need? Five? Twenty?”

Esme snorted from the couch. “Be nice, duckling,” she said.

“You need four,” Carlisle said. He was trying to be patient, but I could tell it was bothering him.

“What are those?” I asked, pointing at some larger containers.

“Powder supplements and protein powder. You seem to be alright taking the pills, but if that were to change… It just gives us options.”

“Oh, okay. Maybe when the pills are gone, we could try that? It’s a lot of pills.”

Carlisle nodded. “I could adjust the pills and put some in a smoothie instead. Would you like to try that?”

I leaned on the counter. “Well, I don’t want to waste the pills…”

“A few of these absorb better mixed into food,” he said. “And the expense is nothing to us, my darling.”

I chewed my lip. “Okay. I’ll let you sort that out while I grab the smoothie stuff.”

Esme floated over, stirring my pasta while I took yogurt and frozen berries out of the fridge.

After about ten minutes, my food was ready. I stood at the counter and ate while Carlisle and Esme did the dishes.

“May I take a peek at my handiwork?” Carlisle asked when he was all done with the dishes, his hand moving along the waistband of my sweatpants. Esme retreated to the couch, deep in a texting conversation.

I couldn’t help but smile. “Already?”

“I’d like to see what the bruising looks like.”

I shook my head. “Fine.”

He pulled on my waistband, his cold fingers ghosting over some of the more heavily bruised spots. “Does it feel alright?”

“Mhm.”

“Good.”

He slipped his arms around my waist, kissing my temple. “Are you done with your plate?”

“I am.”

“May I take it?”

“Yes, thank you.”

He took the plate from me, scraping the few extra pieces of pasta into the garbage. “Finish your smoothie, please,” he called.

“I will,” I promised. “It tastes like normal.”

“Good,” he said cheerfully. “The taste of the supplements must not be very strong.”

I nodded, and he turned to wash my plate. I chugged the rest of the smoothie, shivering before handing off the cup to him.

“Come join me,” Esme called. “I miss my duckling. I’m going through withdrawal.”

I padded over to the couch, leaning over the back to kiss her before walking around.

“Who are you texting?” I asked.

“Family group chat,” Esme explained. “Alice and Rosalie and Nessie have been asking for updates about you.”

I sat down. “Can I be in the group chat?” I asked.

“Of course,” Esme said. “I’ll add you tonight. I don’t want you distracted during our talk. There’s either a few hundred messages or one or two a day, with no in between. Nessie learned of the pandemic today, so it’s been quite busy.”

“Ah,” I murmured, sitting down. “Um, what did you say about me?”

“I said you’ve been doing well, helping me with some of my projects and beginning therapy with Carlisle.”

I swallowed. “You haven’t given them any details of that, right?”

“No, darling. That’s your personal business.”

Carlisle moved around the couch to sit on the other side of me, kissing my forehead. “Not that the children haven’t enquired, or asked Alice. As far as we know, Alice hasn’t shared anything.”

I sighed in relief. “I’ll have to text her thank you.”

“She’s on her best behaviour,” Esme said. “Because she’d like to visit next week. Nessie wants in, too, which would mean Jasper, Bella, Edward and Jacob would also come. I haven’t answered them yet.”

Carlisle’s cool hand smoothed over my shoulders. “What do you think of that?”

I swallowed. “I don’t know. It might be nice. But isn’t that everyone except Rosalie and Emmett? Won’t they feel left out?”

Esme exchanged a look with Carlisle. “We could invite them, if you wish.”

Uh oh. “Um, let’s think about it,” I said quickly.

“Sure. We can talk about that tomorrow,” Carlisle said gently. “We have plenty to discuss this evening.”

He took one of my hands, and Esme took their other.

“Shall we begin, duckling?”

I nodded, and it began.

~

Their human was taking this all fairly well. She’s listened to their descriptions of being changed, what being a newborn was like, what it felt like to try to be around humans, what if felt like to hunt. She’d asked a few questions (So as long as you’re prepared for me to turn and use the morphine, it won’t hurt? We’ll stay in Alaska until I’m ready?), and then Carlisle had launched into what they knew about vampire pregnancies. This was when she had gotten up and started pacing. She'd had a small break to use the washroom (it had been hours since they'd begun their talk) and she drank a glass of water before they continued. They’d given some more details about the history of their family, including the Denalis. She recoiled whenever they mentioned the Volturi, but she’d stood extremely still (for a human) while they’d explained their fairly recent confrontation.

“Any questions, duckling?” Esme asked after they had finished. Deirdre’s eyes were wide, but she was staring at the floor. She was pale, her heart a little fast, her breathing a little shallow. But she was taking in all the information well.

“I think I’m going to puke,” she whispered. Carlisle jumped over the couch, grabbing the kitchen garbage, changing the bag to a fresh one before running to her side.

“Come sit, love,” he said, gently leading her to the couch. She sat at the edge of the couch, bent over the garbage, taking slow, schooled breaths. He smiled as he recognized the particular pace and fashion as being from a strategy he taught her to help her calm herself. “That’s everything, sweet one,” he said, rubbing her back.

Esme took one of her human's hands. Deirdre's hand was cold, clammy. “How about a warm bath, sweetheart?” Esme offered.

“I need a minute,” Deirdre whispered.

“Of course. Take your time.”

The human squeezed her eyes shut tighter, her nose wrinkling.

“Is there something in particular that’s worrying you?” Carlisle asked, keeping his voice soft. If he showed calm, Deirdre tended to reflect it. Deirdre shook her head a little.

“You’re just taking in all the information?” Esme offered. Their lover gave a small nod. “Alright, baby. That’s alright. We’re here with you. We love you.”

“Love you, too,” Deirdre said, remaining tense. She lurched forward and threw up into the garbage can. Esme moved her hair to keep it out of her face as Deirdre whimpered.

“You’re alright,” Esme soothed. “It’s okay.”

“Tell us what you’re thinking, Deirdre,” Carlisle murmured. “We’re worried about you.”

Esme shot him a look—Really? Was now the time?

“I’m okay, I’m just overwhelmed,” she said, her voice squeaky, like she was on the verge of tears.

“Can honeybee bring you upstairs and draw you a bath?” Carlisle asked, rubbing her back. Deirdre gagged and retched, not answering. This was the second time Deirdre had felt nauseous during one of their conversations—the other time when she learned they weren’t human. It was not a stress response he wanted her to bring into a pregnancy.

“Minute. Just a minute,” Deirdre answered weakly, quickly, like Carlisle might move her if she didn’t answer.

“Alright, my love,” Esme murmured. “You take your time.”

Carlisle and Esme listened to her breathing slow, her heart following. She sagged a little forward, and Esme’s hands moved to support her.

“Bath time?” Esme suggested.

“Can I brush my teeth first?”

“Absolutely.”

Within five minutes, Esme was pulling Deirdre’s sweater over her head. Carlisle took the opportunity to pull down her sweatpants, and Deirdre graced them both with a delicious shiver. She’d used mouth wash, brushed, and flossed, and each warm breath smelled like mint. Carlisle pulled her hair into a bun at the top of her head to keep her hair dry.

Esme held her hand to steady her as she got into the tub, sinking down so her shoulders barely escaped the water.

“Ouchie,” she mumbled.

“Does your bottom burn from your spanking, dear one?” Carlisle asked. Her face reddened.

“Yes,” she admitted. She looked deep in thought as Esme took a cloth, wetting it before wiping down her arm. She blinked, looking over at the pair of them.

“Are you still close with Tanya, Kate, Eleazar and Carmen?”

“We are,” Esme said. “Although we haven’t told them about you yet. Alice is going to help us with that, in the next few months. They’ll be at our wedding.”

“Will your other friends come?” she asked.

“No. Family only,” Carlisle said. Esme took her other arm.

“If we get married in April,” Deirdre said. Carlisle and Esme both froze.

“What does she mean, if?” Esme whispered urgently to her husband.

But Deirdre continued on. “That means if I got pregnant, the baby would be born in June, and you’d change me after, right?”

“Oh thank God,” Esme whispered. Carlisle relaxed as well.

“Do you want to get pregnant immediately?” Carlisle asked. Deirdre stared at her free hand, which was playing with the surface of the water.

“Hm? Pardon?” she asked, blinking and looking to him.

“She’s toast,” Esme whispered to him.

“You don’t need to get pregnant immediately, my darling,” Carlisle restated. “We can discuss that some other time. You’ve had enough information today.”

Deirdre nodded, her eyes wide and unfocused. Yep. Her brain was fried. Time for pyjamas and cuddles for the good girl. She might not even last to cuddles.

“Hold her up, please,” Esme said to Carlisle. He held her upright while Esme stripped her shirt off and leaned over the edge of the tub to wash Deirdre’s front.

“You’re so pretty, bee,” Deirdre murmured. Esme smiled.

“Thank you, sweetie.”

Carlisle left his girls to get Deirdre some pyjamas. He smiled, listening to Deirdre babble on to Esme. Their talk had lasted six hours, taking them two hours past Deirdre’s bedtime. Furthermore, the topics were quite intense, and after the spanking, the therapy attempt, the pool freak-out, and working with Esme in the basement, it had been a long day for their human. He didn’t typically allow Deirdre to get so run down, but goodness, she was breathtakingly adorable.

“Where’s mouse boy?” she asked Esme. Esme chuckled.

“He’s getting your pyjamas ready.”

“Oh. Thanks, batman.”

Carlisle smiled, moving back to the bathroom. “You’re tired, my sweet.”

She blinked up at him. “Yeah.”

Esme pursed her lips, turning her head so Deirdre wouldn’t see her trying not to laugh.

“Let me help you with your jammies.”

“Okay.”

Esme pulled the stopper out of the tub and helped a very tired Deirdre up. She held the girl, who was now radiating warmth thanks to the bath, as Carlisle patted her dry.

“Thanks for tonight,” she said, her eyes closing.

“Don’t fall asleep on us yet,” Esme replied. Deirdre’s head snapped back, her eyes barely opening as her head lolled to the side.

“Lift her, please,” Carlisle instructed, sliding the pants up her legs. Esme helped him with the shirt, a team effort since Deirdre had turned into a wet noodle. Carlisle carried her to the bed, pulling back the covers before laying her down. She stirred, looking up at him in confusion.

“I thought I was having a bath?” she asked him. He took her hair out of the bun, shaking it out with his fingers.

“The bath’s all done, you’re dressed in your jammies and you’ve brushed your teeth.”

“I did?”

Esme turned around, a hand moving over her mouth.

“You did,” Carlisle said, his voice indulgent.

“I don’t wanna… I don’t wanna sleep yet. We talked about so much.”

“We did.”

“Where’s Es?”

Esme moved over to the bed. “I’m right here, love.”

“I don’t want to sleep yet,” Deirdre told her. “I want to stay…up. ‘N talk. With you and mousie.”

“I know you do,” she said. “But you need to rest. Carlisle and I will be here in the morning.”

“Won’t you stay?” Deirdre asked, her eyes closed.

“We will,” Carlisle promised. “We love you, Deirdre.”

Their human didn’t reply. She was already fast asleep. Carlisle fussed for a minute, tucking the covers up to her chin and caressing her face.

“That went exceptionally well, don’t you think?” Esme said. He turned, his posture relaxing for effect. He stood, moving to Esme to kiss her.

“You were excellent with her,” he said between kisses. “So truthful, but so gentle. She didn’t even cry.”

“She didn’t,” Esme whispered, beaming up at her husband. “We did such a good job.”

They kissed, careful not to moan too loudly and wake up their sweet, sleeping angel. Carlisle ran his fingers through Esme’s hair. “Would you step outside with me, Mrs. Cullen? I would like to show you my appreciation for all that you do.”

Esme licked her lips, letting Carlisle tug her out of the room. She giggled as he picked her up, zipping down the stairs and to their side door. He brought her outside to the trees, where they could kiss properly and share their relief…. And appreciation for one another.

Chapter Text

Chapter 29

“Flittermouse?” I whispered, clinging to the ladder.

“Yes, duckling?”

“I need your help,” I said. “Can you pull me out?”

He swam over, pulling himself out of the pool before leaning over and grabbing me under the armpits. “I’ve got you, sweetheart. Let go of the ladder. Your legs, too.”

I moved my legs out from being hooked into the ladder, and I reluctantly pulled my arms off as well.

“There we go. Well done, love.”

Carlisle scooped me into his arms, adjusting me to carry me bridal style up to our room.

“I couldn’t get off the ladder again,” I grumbled. That was the fourth day in a row.

“But you got into the pool for me. Eleven minutes. What colour star are you going to use for your chart?”

He set me down on the tile and turned on the shower. We’d shower together, quickly, just rinsing the salt water off of us.

“I don’t get a sticker,” I told him glumly. Perhaps I should’ve been more embarrassed to say such a thing out loud. “My next sticker spot is letting go of the ladder.”

“Well, another sticker spot is staying in ten minutes. I think you deserve that one.”

“I disagree.”

“Well, we can ask Esme when she gets home.”

“Fine.” I let Carlisle help me dry off. “When will she be home?”

“Not until the early morning,” he winked at me. “You’re stuck with me until then.”

I leaned up and pecked his lips. “You’re silly, flittermouse.”

Carlisle chuckled, shaking his head at me. “What would you like to do this evening, my darling?”

“You mean after my second torture session?”

“Mm. Yes, after therapy.”

“Won’t I do what I always do? Lay on the couch, exhausted, and you’ll make me too much food and tell me how wonderful I am?”

Carlisle smiled. “That sounds like a great plan to me.”

I walked to our closet. I was getting a little more comfortable being naked in front of him from all of the changing for swimming, and the showers to rinse off.

Carlisle followed me in, getting dressed and kissing the back of my head. “I’ll meet you in the room.”

“Do we have to have therapy today?”

“We do. I’ll get you a snack and a drink.”

“I don’t need a snack,” I argued, but by the time I turned around, he was gone. “I know you can hear me,” I said a little louder. “I don’t need a snack. Or want a snack. I’ll eat dinner soon. You need to stop feeding me, I feel like a Thanksgiving turkey getting fattened up.”

Carlisle appeared at the doorway with a water bottle and a plate of cheese, crackers, and apple slices. “You’re not a Thanksgiving turkey, and you know why it’s important for you to gain weight.”

I grumbled. “I don’t see why I can’t gain it after the wedding. I’m going to be chunky in all of our pictures.”

“You’ll be beautiful,” Carlisle murmured, not taking my bait. “As you are already.”

I followed him to the therapy room, curling up on the couch and ignoring the snack he put out for me. “Can we dance after dinner?” I asked, playing with the corner of a pillow.

“Of course,” he replied. “I’d love that.” He set his book down on the coffee table. “Is there anything you’d like to start with discussing?”

I gulped. “Um, I don’t think so.”

“Alright. Do you recall out previous conversation?”

“You mean yesterday?” I wiggled my feet. I raised my brows at him. “I remember what we talked about yesterday, flittermouse.”

He tilted his head slightly, his eyes warm. “Would you summarize our session for me?”

“Why?” I chirped. “Did you forget?”

Carlisle smiled, one leg crossing over the other. At least one of us was at ease. “I’m curious how you perceived it.”

I blushed. “You held me in your lap and made me tell you all my thoughts.” I had hated it.

“Mhm,” he was writing while looking at me. It made my stomach hurt when he did that. “Anything else?”

“You rubbed my shoulders and it felt really nice,” I mumbled.

“You were very tense,” he said in reply.

“You made me nervous,” I complained.

“Why were you nervous?” he probed. I could feel my face warming, and I shrugged, picking at the pillow again. He knew why. We’d already discussed it. I didn’t see why I had to say it again. “Why were you nervous?” he asked again. “What were you worrying about?”

I gave in. We weren’t very deep into therapy, and I didn’t want him to stop the timer. “I was worried you’d get annoyed with me and want me off your lap.”

“That’s right. Why would you think that?”

This threw me for a loop. Okay, here’s today’s stuff. “Sorry, could you restate the question, please?”

“Of course, my love,” he paused to think, or maybe to give me a moment. He twirled his pen around his fingers. “What kind of scenarios were you picturing where I’d become agitated with you and ask you to get off my lap?”

I let out a slow breath. “Well, I thought you might get tired of all the touching because of your previous boundaries. And maybe they hadn’t changed as much as you thought, or as much as you were trying to.”

“You thought maybe I was being dishonest about my feelings?” he asked casually.

“Maybe,” I conceded. “It sounds kind of mean, when you say it like that. I know you’re very honest.”

“Any other reason I might have such a reaction?”

I paused and thought. I pulled a pillow onto my lap and hugged it to my chest. “Maybe I’d say something stupid, and you’d finally get tired of me.”

“Mm. Anything else?”

He sat quietly while I thought. “Hm. I don’t know. Um, maybe I wouldn’t say enough feelings and stuff for therapy and you’d get frustrated with me?”

“I see. And why didn’t I push you off my lap, do you think?”

Ah, here was the trickery. “Um, you didn’t want to?”

“Mhm,” His hum was warm. “Why didn’t I want to?”

I blushed. “Because you love me.”

“Yes. And…?”

“And you like holding me.”

“I do. What else?”

I thought. “Um, you decided on changing your boundaries.”

“Yes, that too. Very good, my love,” he set down his notebook and leaned forward in his armchair. “One strategy you can use to help change your thoughts is to challenge them. What do you think is going to happen, versus what will more likely happen.”

I felt overly warm. “Okay, enough of that. Aren’t you going to ask more prying questions and make me cry?”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Sorry,” I added quickly. He picked up his notebook and I groaned. “What did I do?”

He didn’t answer for a moment, writing vigorously in his notebook. I brought my thumb to my mouth to chew. He looked up, his eyes moving to my mouth before up to my eyes. “Occasionally, when you’re nervous, you say something inflammatory to add some separation between us or whatever is making you uncomfortable. At the same time, you’re also quick to apologize because there’s nothing that makes you more uncomfortable than not being in our good graces.” I contemplated his words as he wrote something down. “Do you really think I ask you questions with the goal of making you upset?”

I felt my chest get tight. “No,” I whimpered.

“I didn’t think so, Deirdre,” he replied.

“I know, but I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry.” I started to chew on my thumb again.

Carlisle rose from his seat, moving over to the day bed. “I can see you losing control, duckling. Take a slow breath, please. You’re safe. Take another breath. No one’s mad at you. What do you need, dear one?”

I sucked in a painful breath. “I need you,” I cried, covering my face. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m really sorry, Carlisle, I promise, please don’t be mad…”

His hands pushed under my arms and then he pulled me into his lap while I shook. “You’re forgiven, forgiven, forgiven, Deirdre. I’m not mad, Deedee. I know this is hard, and you’re being very brave. Just work on breathing for me. Do you need my help, or do you remember your strategies?”

“I remember,” I managed to choke out. At least that much I could control. After a few minutes, my breathing was back to normal. Carlisle let me get off his lap and grab a tissue, blowing my nose before getting a new one to dab at my tears.

“That was very good,” he praised. He offered me a hand which I took, and he helped me back into his lap.

“How much longer today?” I asked.

“Twenty minutes,” he replied lightly.

I sniffed. “Okay.”

“You’re doing very well, Deirdre.”

I bit my tongue, narrowly resisting the urge to solicit more reassurance by asking Are you sure? Promise?  Or by denying what he said so he’d restate it in a more grandiose fashion.

“Deirdre?”

“Pardon?”

“I said you were doing very well.”

I wiped my tears and nodded. “Thank you,” I said quietly.

Carlisle’s head tilted a minute amount. “You’re welcome, darling. I’m so happy you agreed to this. I’ve seen quite a difference, have you?”

I nodded. “It’s easier to talk to you and Esme,” I admitted. “And I kind of understand why I do certain things, if that makes sense.”

“It does,” he agreed. “You seem more sure of yourself, to me.”

I raised a brow. “Really?” I laughed. “Because I feel like I cry and panic more than ever.”

“That’s part of healing,” he assured me easily. “And you’ve been twice as brave between therapy and the pool.”

“You mean between therapy and exposure therapy?”

His lips twitched into a smile. “Yes.”

I reached up to touch his face, and then stopped. His hand took mine, then pressed my palm to his cheek. He let go after a moment, and I tentatively ran my fingers through his hair before smoothing it back into place. His hair was so soft, his skin so smooth. I chewed my lip. “About everyone coming over…”

“Mhm?” he schooled his face.

“I’m nervous about it,” I admitted. “Could… do you think we could have Alice and Jasper over first, and then the next day everyone else could come?”

“We could try that,” Carlisle assured, petting my hair. “We could have Edward, Bella, Nessie and Jacob come the following day, and Rosalie and Emmett the day after that.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t want Rosalie and Emmett to feel like I need to build up to seeing them.”

“We could have them come over first,” Carlisle suggested.

I thought that over. “Yeah, maybe we could try that. Them first, then Jasper and Alice?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Carlisle said. “Would you like to text them?”

My eyes widened. “Um, not really?”

“Why not?”

I gulped. “Won’t they feel like they need to say yes, in order not to upset you or Esme? If they didn’t really want to come, they’d probably feel more comfortable speaking with one of you two.”

“Do you think they’re going to decline?” Carlisle asked, a twinkle in his eye.

I groaned. “Don’t give me that look, mouse boy. I’ll get my phone while you write whatever you just thought of in your notebook.”

I heard Carlisle laugh as I walked out to our room. My phone was on the charger, and I had a dozen texts from Alice.

Alice: yes we’ll come over!!

Alice: i want to take new measurements

Alice: you’re getting such a nice figure, lucky duck

Alice: i wonder how much weight you’ll lose in pregnancy

Alice: bella lost a ton

Alice: i bought you some new swimsuits

Alice: jazz can help you get in the pool

Alice: wait

Alice: how come rose and em get to come over first????

Alice: :((((((((

Alice: can we come over second???

Alice: carlisle can go hunting with the boys and we can have a girls night

“Duckling,” Carlisle called.

“Coming,” I called back. “Alice was texting me.” I walked back into the room and passed him the phone.

“Hm. A girls’ night could be fun,” Carlisle said. “What do you think?”

I scratched my neck. “Maybe we should wait for Esme before we make plans.”

“Shall we give her a call?” Carlisle suggested. I nodded, and he navigated through my phone to press her contact.

The phone rang once before she picked up. “Hi Deirdre,” Esme said cheerfully. Almost too cheerfully. “I’ve got to call you back, alright? I’ll call soon. Bye.”

She ended the call, and I turned to Carlisle. He was frozen, his eyes slightly wide.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Esme’s encountered our cousins,” he said. “I could hear them in the background. It’s… it’s alright, duckling. I’m… I’m just thinking about how we’re going to approach telling them. She obviously hasn’t told them yet, judging by her tone.”

I started chewing on my nails. “You don’t think…?”

“They won’t. And if they did, we would just change you, Deirdre.”

I gulped. We’d talked about me being changed, but it still freaked me out a little. I wanted Carlisle to help me, but he was too busy thinking.

“Flittermouse?” I asked softly. “Is there anything I can do?”

He stood, his gaze faraway for a moment before his eyes flicked to me. “Could you be my good girl for two minutes?”

“Aren’t I always your good girl?” I asked, feeling on the verge of tears.

“You are, always,” he said, moving forward to take my face in his hands. He kissed me gently, sighing. “I’m sorry, duckling. I didn’t phrase that right. I need you to stay here for a few minutes while I go call Esme. I want to be far enough to ensure they can’t hear your breathing or your heartbeat.”

“I can stay here,” I said, reclining in the daybed. “You’ll come get me?”

“Right after,” he promised. “Don’t answer your phone until I return. You may colour a picture or lay down, but you will stay in this room, understood?”

“Yes sir.”

“Good girl. Thank you, Deirdre. I’ll be back quickly.”

He kissed my forehead, then disappeared. I laid in bed, chewing on all my nails while I waited. I ended up ripping into the skin a little, and I sucked my finger for a moment to get the blood off. Uh oh. I’d need a band aid. Was…. Was this the first time I was bleeding near them? No, I’d been hurt before by Henry and John-David at my apartment, and Carlisle had tended to me then.

The nerves caught hold of me, and I wiggled my feet while I tried to resist the urge to call for him. That would be bad. Bad Deirdre. No calling for Carlisle. I gripped the blankets tightly in my hands. I needed to find colours. Green… the trees out the window. Red… there wasn’t any red. Esme thought it was too aggressive for the therapy room. I guess my blood had to count. Blue… one of the pillows. Pink, a blanket. Then I spotted something on the table.

Carlisle’s notebook.

Aw, crap. I wanted to peek so bad. At least my curiosity cut through the nerves for a minute, and then Carlisle was standing in the doorway, his hair windswept. His shoulders were tight, and his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Is Esme safe?” I asked.

“Yes,” he answered, moving over to me so quickly that I flinched. “Sorry,” he winced, taking my hand. He was frigid. He examined my fingers wordlessly. “Alice and Jasper are coming tonight,” he murmured. “There’s a small chance that our cousins will come to visit, and if they do, it’s better that Jasper is there to help smooth things over.”

I gulped, and he moved a chilly hand to my cheek. He opened his mouth, but I spoke first.

“Don’t tell me not to worry,” I blurted. He softened.

“We will keep you safe.”

I squeezed his hand. “I know,” I said quietly. But actually, I was counting in my head. Tanya, Kate, Garrett, Eleazar, Carmen… that’s five. Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice… that’s four. “If something went wrong…”

He shook his head. “According to Alice, in the worst scenarios, Kate and Tanya and I get into a verbal altercation.”

“In the best scenarios?”

“In the best scenario of them visiting, Carmen helps you and Alice with a puzzle while the rest of us talk peacefully. There’s a good chance you will be fairly frightened and mentally check-out.” He tucked some of my hair behind my ear, watching for my reaction.

“When will Es be home?”

“In a few hours,” Carlisle said. “Alice and Jasper will get here before long. It’s still likely our cousins won’t come at all, Deedee.”

I thought that over, then looked up at him. “Can we be finished therapy today? Please?”

He pulled me into his arms and held me. “Is that what you need?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes.”

I ate the snack Carlisle made me for therapy while he worked on dinner. The pair of us were both anxious and trying to be brave for the other person. He set down a small dish with my medications in it and passed me a smoothie. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t very hungry, but I had a feeling that would only make him worry more.

“Es and I are thinking of re-painting the house.”

“Oh?” he asked, cutting up an onion with machine-level precision.

“Mhm. We were thinking blue for the living room.”

“That would be nice.”

We went back to quiet. Carlisle hadn’t asked me what I wanted, and had instead started making a stir-fry with chicken and vegetables.

“Flittermouse,” I murmured. “Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?”

He smiled sadly, then floated over to me. “No, it’s I who should be comforting you.”

“Why? Because you’re oldest?” I got an idea. “No one’s allowed to comfort you because you’re so old?”

He snorted. “Deirdre,”

“Yes, Excellent Grandpa?”

His eyes sparkled. “You’re teasing me,” he accused.

“Is it teasing if you’re truly centuries older than me—hey!” I squeaked as he picked me up, bringing me over to the windows. He placed me on my feet, but kept a hold of me. “What?” I asked him, breathless.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. He backed me up into the window, and I shivered from the cold leeching through the back of my shirt.

He broke away from the kiss to allow me to breathe, then started kissing down my neck.

“Carlisle—oh my word!”

His lips buzzed against my shoulder as he laughed.

“I thought I was in for a punishment,” I said airily.

“Oh my darling, this is your punishment,” he replied, pinning my hands over my head. He kissed me twice more until I was dizzy. The smell of him was intoxicating, his touch firm, unyielding and gentle, his mouth unwearied by the length of our make-out session. It was only when the downstairs door opened and closed did he step back, steadying me as I fell into him, dazed.

“Carlisle! Deirdre! We’re here!” Alice sang, coming up the stairs. Jasper floated up behind her. “I guess we did get to come over before everyone else,” she continued. “Aw, Deirdre, sorry to interrupt, but Carlisle would’ve gone on until we came in, no matter when we came in.”

I shot him a glare and he smiled a boyish smile. I was still catching my breath, and I’m sure my face was flushed. My whole body felt hot, and I had a feeling that was Carlisle’s plan all along. It was unexpected of him, in my eyes, and I couldn’t help but feel settled. More settled than before. Carlisle had made out with me relentlessly, unprompted. And he’d wanted to work me up and leave me hanging.

I couldn’t think of something to say to him in front of his children, so I just walked my sensitive, horny butt over to the kitchen and stirred my food. Carlisle took the chance to speak with Alice and Jasper, no doubt going over a variety of scenarios for the evening.

“Hey Deirdre,” Alice said, coming up beside me and wrapping a chilly arm around my waist in a side-hug that I reciprocated.

“Hey,” I forced myself to reply.

“It’ll be okay,” she said gently. “There’s no future where this goes badly, I promise.”

I nodded, still nervous. “Do you know when Esme will get here?”

“In about an hour,” she replied. “Soon I should be able to tell if our cousins are coming. I’ll let you know as soon as it becomes clearer.”

I felt my eyes sting and I quickly blinked away tears. “Thanks, Alice.”

“You’re welcome,” she said lightly. She seemed much more subdued than usual. “I brought you some more clothes, so I’m going to put those in your closet.”

“More clothes?” I asked.

“Yep!” She said cheerfully. “Trust me, you’ll thank me later.”

I felt myself relax just a smidge with her distraction. She gave me a squeeze, kissed my cheek, and disappeared.

Carlisle appeared by my side as I started plating up my food. He’d made enough for two or three people, and frowned when I took what I wanted.

“I feel a little nauseous,” I said in explanation.

“Can I make you some tea?” he asked, running a cool hand up and down my back.

“Yes please,” I said, knowing I’d only take a few sips. He shifted around the kitchen to put the water on, and I took my plate to the coffee table and sat on the floor.

Carlisle cut up the veggies and chicken remaining on Deirdre’s plate into smaller chunks, spearing them and pressing the food to her lips. She reluctantly ate a few more bites, almost unthinkingly, as Alice chattered on. Deirdre tensed as Alice’s eyes lost focus, and her hand reached for his. Carlisle set down the fork, encasing her hand in both of his chilly ones.

“They’re not coming,” Alice said. Deirdre sagged against him, and he wrapped an arm around her to support her. He kissed the top of her head, listening to her heartbeat gradually slow.

“When will Esme be home?” Deirdre asked.

Alice checked. “Thirty-six minutes, give or take a few seconds.”

Deirdre nodded, leaning back into Carlisle.

“How about we get you into some pyjamas?” Carlisle suggested to her. Deirdre gave a little nod, and Carlisle helped her to her feet.

“Oh, excuse us,” she said airily to Alice and Jasper.

“Take your time!” Alice called. Softly, she said to Carlisle “She needs some TLC.”

“I’m on it,” he replied, almost silently. Once he and Deirdre were out of the view of Alice and Jasper, he swept Deirdre up and carried her the rest of the way to their room.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as he set her down in the closet. She wiped her tears, and Carlisle pulled her into a hug, rocking back and forth.

“Thank you for being so brave for me,” he murmured. She squeezed her arms around his middle and leaned into him. She was silent, clearly coming down from being so stressed and worried.

He stroked her cheek. “Can I help you into some pyjamas?”

She nodded slowly. She was in her head, stewing over what might have happened, and he needed to bring her back to him.

Carlisle pulled her close to him, grabbing the pyjamas he wanted for her and bringing her out to the bed. This confused her until he began to undress her from there.

“I wish I had the energy to think of a joke,” she said softly. Carlisle smiled.

“I know you’re tired,” he said. “But you’re bouncing back much better than other times.”

She gave a nod, even sitting up and helping him get her into her pyjama shirt.

“I hope Es is okay,” she said. “Can we call her?”

“Alice said she won’t answer,” he explained. “In the car, she can’t tell if she’s being followed. We know she’s not, but she doesn’t.”

“Oh. That makes sense.”

He grabbed her some fluffy socks and a robe and carried her back downstairs to the couch.

“How come you didn’t show her what I brought?” Alice asked quietly, too quietly for Deirdre to hear.

“I thought we’d save that for when she’s feeling a bit more chipper,” Carlisle replied. Deirdre brought her thumb to her mouth to chew and he quickly rescued it.

“How’s the pool going?” Jasper asked Deirdre. Her nose wrinkled.

“I don’t like it very much,” she admitted, wincing. “What a bratty thing to say.”

“It’s not bratty,” Jasper assured her. Carlisle knew his son would feel his gratitude. Jasper eased her nerves, and she leaned into Carlisle.

“Your fear of water is going to be completely cured by the time you’re a vampire, by the way,” Alice added. “I mean, by then you’ll be able to hold your breath indefinitely, but still.”

Deirdre gave a little nod. Carlisle rubbed her shoulder and she started to blink slowly.

“Someone’s sleepy,” Alice murmured, too quiet for Deirdre to hear.

“It’s been a long day,” Carlisle said softly in reply. “Deirdre, did you want to sleep?”

His sweet little human shook her head and sat up. “I’m waiting for Es.”

“Alright, my love.”

Time ticked on. Alice perked up. “Deirdre, have you started your bucket list?”

Deirdre blinked, having been lost in thought. “Pardon? Oh. Um, no. Is that something I should do?” she looked to Carlisle.

“You should think of some things you’d like to do before you’re changed,” he said. “Foods you’d like to try, or eat one more time, for example.”

“You’ve never been drunk, right?” Alice said. “That’s an experience.”

Deirdre pursed her lips and glanced at Carlisle.

“Would you like to try that?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she answered softly.

“Well, you don’t need to decide right now,” Carlisle assured her. Although the thought of her drunk was kind of intriguing.

“Esme’s almost home,” Alice said. Deirdre got up, stretched, and padded off towards the stairs.

“I’m going to wait for her,” she announced, though her intentions were already pretty clear. Carlisle heard her make her way down the stairs, and then open the front door.

“Stay in where’s it’s warm, please,” he called.

“ ‘Kay,” she murmured. He heard the door shut.

“She’s fine, Carlisle,” Alice said.

“I don’t want her to get chilled,” he explained. Logically, he knew she’d be fine for the minute or so she had the door open. But he didn’t like her in the cold when he didn’t have his eyes on her.

“You should let her get chilled,” Alice replied. “And then suggest the hot tub. She’ll find it less frightening than the pool, because the temperature and the bubbles are such a different sensation.”

He hummed, but didn’t commit. He could hear Esme’s car coming now, and he stood.

“They didn’t follow you. Deirdre’s been worried, though,” he said aloud, so Esme would hear. He heard his wife turn off the car, close the door and then open the door to their house in the span of a few seconds.

“Oh, my little duckling, I’m sorry to have worried you,” Esme said.

“I’m glad you’re home,” Deirdre said softly. “Flittermouse was worried, too.”

Esme scooped her up. “I’ll have to spend some time with you both. Maybe Alice and Jasper will go hunting for a few hours.”

“We’ll be back later,” Jasper said, loud enough for Deirdre.

“Bye! Have fun!” Alice chirped as Jasper tossed her over his shoulder and took her out the back door.

Esme carried Deirdre up the stairs. Carlisle moved to embrace the two of his mates, kissing Esme’s cheek and then Deirdre’s. The living room now smelled like Alice and Jasper, and Esme just wanted to be with her mates, so she bypassed the living room and brought Deirdre right to their bedroom.

“Batman teased me,” Deirdre said. Esme had sat down on the couch and had moved her so that Deirdre was straddling her lap. Esme tugged at the robe so that she could rest her hands on Deirdre’s waist. She put her cold fingers under her shirt, and Deirdre shivered. Her cheeks reddened, and Esme smiled.

“What did you do?” Esme asked her.

Deirdre’s mouth dropped open. “What did I do? How come you think I did something?”

Esme laughed. “Alright, what did flittermouse do?” she asked, her eyes flicking to Carlisle, who seemed awfully pleased with himself.

“He teased me mercilessly with your children in earshot,” Deirdre tattled, playing with Esme’s hair.

“Naughty boy. Whatever shall we do with him?”

Esme let Deirdre mull it over. Deirdre licked her lips, and Carlisle longed for a second to have Edward’s gift.

“What shall we do with him?” Esme repeated. Deirdre’s face reddened, and Carlisle felt a little crestfallen as she moved back into her shell.

“I don’t know,” she answered Esme.

“Shall we let him off the hook?” Esme asked, caressing Deirdre’s face. Deirdre’s attention was pulled to her.

“Okay,” she said softly. “Just this once.”

Esme snickered. “Aren’t you letting him off a bit easily, dear one?”

Deirdre’s eyes widened, glancing between the two of them. “Um, I… I don’t know,” she finished softly, and to Esme’s horror, tears began to glisten in her eyes. “I missed you and I was really scared,” she said before pushing her face into Esme’s neck.

“Oh, duckling. I’m right here. Everyone is safe, my darling,” Esme kissed her forehead. “How about a warm bath, and you can tell me about your day?”

Esme held her sweet, tired human to her as Carlisle floated after them. He took the initiative to start running the bath while Esme stood Deirdre on her feet and began to peel off her cute little pyjamas.

To her delight, Deirdre began to tiredly pull at Esme’s clothing.

“Am I joining you in the bath, duckling?” Esme asked.

“Yes,” Deirdre said, narrowing her eyes as she concentrated on a stubborn button.

“Let her struggle with it,” Carlisle whispered, too quiet for their duckling. “It’s good for her.”

Deidre let out a quiet huff as she finally pushed the stubborn button through the hole.

“Awfully mean of flittermouse to get you all worked up,” Esme said, sending a teasing smile Carlisle’s way. He smiled back, enjoying watching his women. Deirdre was delightfully determined and adorably clumsy from exhaustion.

“Uh-huh,” Deirdre agreed, though it sounded like she wasn’t very interested anymore. Esme helped her get in, and Deirdre lowered down to sit on Esme’s lap. She looked up at Esme, blinking slowly before falling asleep in a matter of minutes in Esme’s arms.

“Oh, my poor duckling,” Esme said. Carlisle ran a cloth over Deirdre. She was out cold.

“She was stressed,” Carlisle murmured.

“You were stress. I was stressed,” Esme said, sighing. “We need to tell them soon. On our terms.”

Carlisle rubbed his face. “I know. It’s hard… I just want to nest with you two, away from the world…”

“The world, and anyone who would hurt Deedee.”

He nodded. They sat for a few minutes in comfortable silence, watching Deirdre’s chest rise and fall, listening to her soft breaths.

“She’s been complaining about gaining weight,” Carlisle said, fiddling with his wedding ring.

“She’s mentioned it to me as well. You could ease up a little, until after the wedding,” Esme suggested. “We don’t have to get her knocked up on the honeymoon, you know.”

Carlisle reached out and rested his hand on Deirdre’s tummy. “I know,” he said quietly. He stood and fetched a towel. Esme rose from the water with Deirdre, who blinked awake.

“What?” she asked softly, inhaling and looking around as Carlisle started to pat her dry.

“Just Honeybee and Flittermouse, little Duckling. You can go back to sleep if you’d like,” Carlisle said gently.

Esme held her up as Carlisle began to re-dress her, so quickly that Deirdre didn’t really seem able to react in time.

“I want to stay up and hang out,” she said. “Are Alice and Jasper still away?” she asked.

“They are, darling,” Esme murmured, rubbing Deirdre’s shoulders. Her muscles were tense.

“Good,” Deirdre said, rubbing her eyes. “Carlisle was a big meanie today,” she whined, and Esme laughed.

“Aw, darling, he got you all worked up, right?” Esme asked, picking up Deirdre and bringing her over to the bed. Esme laid down her sweet little human, pinning her hands above her head before kissing from her lips down to her neck. Deirdre squirmed.

“I want my hands back, please,” Deirdre said. Esme released her hands, and Deirdre’s fingers raked through Esme’s hair as Deirdre pressed her lips to Esme’s. Deirdre trailed her mouth down Esme’s neck, and Esme’s eyes rolled back as she forced herself not to shiver or jerk under the warm, erotic movements of her lover.

Abruptly, Deirdre flopped back on the mattress. “See? He made me feel like that and then he stopped,” Deirdre complained.

Carlisle turned his head and covered his mouth to muffle a laugh as Esme gasped. “Deirdre!”

“What? You seem to find it funny, too. It wasn’t funny.” Deirdre clicked her tongue. “Very naughty. Whatever will I do with you both?”

Esme crawled overtop of Deirdre, who simply raised her brows. “The children are away,” Esme pointed out. “Now would be the time to… rectify any earlier teasing.”

Deirdre licked her lips. “Well, that would just be positive reinforcement for naughty behaviour.”

Carlisle crawled across the bed to lay beside Deirdre. Her face was warming, but she was doing an excellent job keeping an aloof expression.

“There must be some way we could make it up to you,” Carlisle murmured, taking one of her hands and kissing each finger. She shivered.

“We’ve got dilators, and lube, and some vibrators we could try out,” Esme suggested. Deidre turned beet red.

“No thanks,” Deirdre replied cooly. “I think… I’ll just make you wait until I fall asleep to deal with being a pair of horndogs. And I plan on staying up late.”

Esme laughed while Carlisle groaned.

“You’re torturing your lovers, Miss Deirdre,” Carlisle said.

“It’s for your own good,” Deirdre said, maintaining a serious air as Esme began kissing from her wrist up to her shoulder. “How—” Deirdre shivered. “How else w-will you learn?” Esme sucked a hickey onto her neck.

“I assure you, we’ve learned our lesson,” Carlisle said. Deirdre was wiggling her feet. “Besides, you had such a stressful day. Let us help you relax.”

Esme licked her neck and Deirdre squealed. Her eyes went wide, assessing Carlisle’s expression. “Don’t you dare, flittermouse!”

“Don’t I dare what, my love?” he asked, smiling. Deirdre laughed and shrieked as he took her foot, moving his nail up the sole while she thrashed. Esme tickled her neck and at her waist.

“Stop! Stop! Mercy!” she cried, gasping for breath. They both stopped, letting Deirdre sit up and catch her breath. “That was extra naughty,” she informed them both. “I think that means… I’m going to stay up late and eat junk food.”

“Good idea,” Esme said, kissing her cheek. “Can I help you make snacks? Maybe Carlisle will bring down some blankets and pillows. We could watch a movie.”

“Okay,” Deirdre said, yawning. “And maybe some coffee and chocolate milk?”

Carlisle frowned. “It’s a bit late for coffee,” he said. Esme was already pulling Deirdre into her arms to bring downstairs.

“Nuh-uh. It’s just really, really, really early for coffee,” Deirdre said.

“Just let her have it,” Esme whispered to Carlisle. “Give her decaf. I bet she’ll be asleep in the next hour.”

“Alright,” he replied to his wife, equally as quietly. Then Carlisle sighed dramatically, making Deirdre giggle. “Alright, my love. Your wish is my command.”