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The setting sun painted the sky orange as dusk descended. Warm light danced in the small apartment where a young man sat alone on a cold bed, staring with red rimmed eyes into a mirror. Soft chestnut hair kissed the delicate shoulders, and Xie Lian tugged on the ends anxiously.
Too long. It was getting too long.
“Your hair is getting so long again, Xian Le. You look so much better like this; I really don’t see why you would get rid of it in the first place.”
This sentiment was echoed a thousand times. Pretty. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Exactly what ‘he’ liked to see.
It made Xie Lian sick.
The face staring back at him wasn’t right. It wasn’t his. Not the way he wanted to be seen.
Five years had passed since he first cut his hair. The same hair he’d grown out for his entire life, only getting trims to maintain it. The long, silky hair was one of the one things he was consistently complimented on throughout his lifetime.
It had only been a few months since he managed to break the engagement that had hung over his head like a noose for so many years.
One comment would stay engraved in his mind forever, though.
“Xian Le, you really do look like a beautiful porcelain doll. It’s rare to find a woman who embraces her femininity these days. You’re going to make a perfect wife one day with how sweet and obedient you are.”
His stomach churned.
He remembered the first time he saw himself with short hair. The first time with a flat chest in his binder. Such precious moments that he wished he could frame and keep in his heart.
Right now he hated how the hair framed his face in a way that brought out the softness of his jawline, the length of his lashes, and the full, rosy cheeks that made him look like someone he left behind.
Eyes wet with unfallen tears, he quickly walked to the kitchen, frantically rummaging through the drawers. Rushing back to the bedroom, he pulled all of the hair into his fist, gripping it tightly.
“Don’t cut your hair again, Xian Le. You know I prefer it long.”
The dull kitchen scissors made a horrible straining noise as they grappled with the handful of hair, only making it through from sheer strength and willpower to close the handles together.
A sigh of relief escaped his lips as he looked down at the clusters of hair pooled on the floor.
Looking up, he groaned miserably at the sight. The hair was angled strangely, plenty of long strands remaining. It was choppy, uneven, and also so much better than before.
He was reminded fondly of the time that Feng Xin had cut Mu Qing’s hair when they were small children. Mu Qing had cried for a half hour before Feng Xin cut his own hair and gave it to the crying boy before kissing him on the forehead. Children had such simple logic and loved so sincerely.
He let out a shaky laugh, giving himself another glance before crawling onto the bed in search of his phone. Upon finding it in his nest of old blankets, he scooped it up. The screen had a crack in the corner, and the case was adorned with faded stickers of cute bugs and animals that Mu Qing had passed to him over the years.
Holding up the phone, he snapped a quick selfie, mouth in an awkward grimace. He cringed at the sight but didn’t delete it- he needed the evidence. Scrolling through his contacts, he found the one he needed.
Hello Shi Qingxuan my beloved!!!
hjsgdfsjkg lianlian what do u need??? 💖💕💞
Am I really that obvious??
yeah ur not very hard to read bb,,, what’s up!! 🥰🥰🥰
I um really could use your haircutting expertise…
oh no baby what is you doing??? 😭😱
Haha, so can I bother you to come over? I can order a pizza
ofc!! dw about food tho i’ll bring some over since a-xuan brought a bunch over earlier!!! 🍣🍣🍣
Thank so much, I owe you my life
anything for my lianlian!!!!! my little meow meow!!!!!! 🐈💖
I’ll see you soon then! Oh I don’t have any nice scissors by the way
bb i’m literally a hair stylist i gotchu. be there in 20!!! ilu!!!!
I love you too!!
Xie Lian smiled as he put on his comfort playlist and swept up the mess of hair on the ground. As he waited he paced around, moving his knick knacks to new spots, reorganizing his books, moving a pillow over, just mindlessly puttering.
Eventually making his way to the fridge he grabbed a hard boiled egg and cut it in half, walking over to the giant cage that took up a good fourth of the living room and was taller than he was.
“Wake up, Ruoye! I have a treat for you!” Xie Lian made a few kissy noises before the little ferret poked his head out of the hammock, big, black eyes blinking sleepily. He looked like a fluffy white noodle, wiggling around. Upon seeing his human parent with a delicious offering, he dashed over to grab the egg and carry it proudly into his favorite corner. The little munching noises were so endearing, and Xie Lian watched his pet have a snack until a soft knock at the door startled him.
“You seriously changed the locks? What do you think I was going to do? You know I’ve never hurt you.”
His breath caught in his throat. He was hurt. So hurt that he thought he would never recover. That he was still recovering.
It didn’t matter that he knew Shi Qingxuan was supposed to arrive at that exact time, his mind immediately went into fight or flight mode, imagining the worst. He froze like a deer in the headlights before he heard a voice.
“Lianlian, it’s just me! I’m letting myself in, okay honey?” Shi Qingxuan called, settling his nerves. They knew exactly how anxious he was, and did their best to always make sure he was safe and comfortable. They’d only been friends for a few years, but they were a constant source of comfort. In a world filled with horrors, they were a source of light.
The lock turned and the door swung open. Shi Qingxuan was wearing a seafoam green floral romper paired with a white cardigan and matching strappy heels that had little flowers decorating them. They always looked ready for the runway, and Xie Lian was suddenly self conscious about the hole ridden sweatpants and oversized t-shirt he was wearing.
“Hey there, handsome. Are you alright?” they asked, grabbing his hands.
That question was all it took to push him over the brink. Xie Lian choked out a sob and let the tears that had been building up fall. He tried to speak, but the only thing that came out were loud sobs. He hadn’t cried this hard in so long, but that little bit of compassion made him feel so very safe and defenseless.
“Come here, come here. It’s okay, let it all out.” Shi Qingxuan let go of his hands and pulled him into a tight embrace as he buried his face in their shoulder.
It was a few minutes before he calmed down, breathing deeply.
“I’m so sorry, your cardigan-”
“It’s totally fine, don’t even worry about it. You have nothing to apologize for, I’m here for you.” Their words were like a soft blanket, and he felt loved. “Do you want to eat first? You look like you haven’t had anything today.”
Xie Lian nodded.
They sat down on the couch and ate the assortment of fancy leftovers Shi Qingxuan had brought, courtesy of their partner. He Xuan had expensive tastes and a bad habit of ordering far more food than anyone could ever finish in one sitting.
He hadn’t realized just how hungry he had been, and they finished the food pretty quickly. His friend looked incredibly pleased as they helped him clean up before going back to the couch.
“Alright, let’s get you sorted.”
Shi Qingxuan grabbed a pillow off the couch and set it on the floor, guiding him over to it as they sat on the couch behind it. Xie Lian sat down, leaning back into their legs as they put a towel around his shoulders.
A comb ran through his hair, and then fingers massaged his scalp, sending pleasant shivers down his spine. He gave a happy hum and leaned into the touch instinctively, closing his eyes and swaying his feet.
“Is there something specific you want me to try? I can probably do some layers if you want it fluffy, or you’d look super cute with a two block cut.”
“Ah, I don’t really know too much about it, can I let you pick?”
“Of course, babe. I promise you’ll look ridiculously hot by the time I’m done with you.”
Xie Lian laughed in response, and let himself be pampered.
First was the clippers, rumbling against him as the messily cut pieces were shaved down. It still had enough length that he didn’t feel naked, but the air was suddenly very noticeable.
Once the sides were finished, they dug around in their bag until they found their favorite pair of shears.
The sound of sharp metal clicking together at every cut was pleasant and crisp. Shi Qingxuan was very gentle and methodic, and Xie Lian felt more relaxed than he had in a long time.
As they worked, the sun set, leaving them in the cool light of the apartment. Looking outside, Xie Lian saw the moment the street lights came on. It left him with a warm feeling, though he wasn’t sure why.
After a while of careful cuts and some very cold hair product being teased into his hair, Shi Qingxuan helped Xie Lian to his feet.
“Okay okay okay, I think we’re all finished!” they exclaimed, removing the hair covered towel and smoothing out his hair.
The two of them walked to the mirror, Xie Lian’s heart speeding up. Flicking on the light, he walked over to his full body mirror and gasped.
“You… oh wow…” He couldn’t seem to form sentences, but his eyes were wide.
His hair was in a fairly simple style, but it all looked so new . The sides were short, and his ears were completely uncovered. The top was long enough to reach down past his eyebrows, and the bangs were parted in the middle, curling out like they usually did, but the angled edges gave his face a sharper look.
He looked like the person he wanted to be. Like the person he was.
Without warning the tears returned, but this time it was from pure euphoria. A smile was painted across his face as he laughed, and Shi Qingxuan hugged him tightly, laughing along with him as his arms wrapped back around them.
Xie Lian would never forget this moment.