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Chapter Text

"Maddie," Willow started quickly. Her hands were shaking, and I was entirely sure what was wrong, but Willow took one of my hands, holding it tightly as she smiled, "I need to tell you something, and to be honest, it took me and Embry a long time to come to a decision about this, but..." Willow dragged me along toward Embry, waving a hand.

"And it's going to be really hard to believe, I know," Willow continued, and I wasn't entirely sure what to say or how I was supposed to respond, but... it felt like I should be more than a little apprehensive. I glanced back and forth between her and Embry hoping that one of them would give me something in their expression to prepare myself with. There was nothing. Willow was acting weird, and Embry was standing quite a ways away from us for some unknown reason, looking a bit nervous.

"Okay," Willow said, taking a deep breath and looking me in the eyes seriously, "Embry's a werewolf. So is Jacob and Quil and several other people." I stared at Willow for a long minute, holding back my laughter before it burst through my lips. I thought she would’ve had something more believable or serious to tell me about. However, it was just so absurd that she had to be messing with me. 

" What ?" I laughed because that wasn't even possible. Willow tightened her grip on my hand, and she was really doing such a good job with her acting. I almost couldn’t believe she was really joking. A little knot of fear sat in my stomach made me wonder if she really was serious, but that was insane. No matter how fun it was to see the wolves in Jacob’s or Embry’s faces, I was well aware that it wasn’t real.

"It's true. You know I wouldn't say something without it actually being true," she said emphatically, and I was at a loss. Part of me wanted to believe her because how fucking cool would that be? I was thinking about it right now and had done it before. I was a fan of the idea in theory. However, my much more rational part of me screamed preposterous , and I was no good at ignoring it. I was very sure that werewolves weren’t real and that that fact wasn’t subject to change. As fun as it would be if it were possible. 

"I... that doesn't," I fumbled, when suddenly a gigantic wolf came running out of the woods with a loud snarl and charging right at Embry who then transformed into a giant wolf himself. And, oh boy, is my head spinning? I- I- that’s a whole lot to take in when the world is suddenly going into black static.

"Maddie...?" Willow was leaning over me with a concerned expression. I smiled slightly at her as I came to. My head was pounding and felt tender in a particular spot when I touched it. I had such a strange dream, and it was seeming oddly real at this moment since all the dots were connected and yet it just didn’t make sense.

“Do you know what day it is?” Willow asked me now that I seemed to be lucid enough to be quizzed about my potential concussion. 

"You know, you say the weirdest things," I started in a dazed tone, "I could have sworn werewolves existed... Isn't that funny?" Then I saw Jacob, who was frowning slightly with his arms crossed over his broad, unclothed chest. Now there was a sight. I blinked back a blush, looking towards Willow instead.

"Sam's going to kill you," Jacob said, staring Embry down. Embry didn't look like he regretted a thing though. He merely shrugged. Slowly, my brain started to think again, and I jumped in surprise. Oh wow, ok. Ok. Ok. Werewolves.  

"Wait! That really happened?" I gasped, staring at Willow with a wide eyed expression, "But you... and Jacob... it doesn't make sense!" I said pointing between Embry and Jacob. My brain felt like it was put through a blender, and I pressed my forehead into my knees in silence. Willow patted me on the shoulder gently while I processed too many thoughts to be having after just hitting my head. 

"I felt the same way," she told me, which was a bit comforting to hear though not surprising. We were pretty similar about some things. 

"He won't kill me," Embry said after a minute, "Her sister knows, we could always say Bella let it slip." I stared at Embry in shock. I had not known my dearest friend was down for crimes. I was in, but listen, I was surprised to say the least.

" You want me to lie?" I asked him incredulously. The only way I would’ve been more shocked would have been if Willow had been the one to suggest it. 

"No, no... just, uh, alter the truth," Embry attempted with a slight smile, and I stared at him in disbelief.

"I didn’t know you had it in you," I replied, moderately impressed. Embry sighed with relief, and Jacob just shook his head as if he was the tired father of the group. He most assuredly was not. I was certain that he was out making the most suspicious of decisions out of all of us. 

"You shouldn't have told her," he reprimanded Embry, "She's still an outsider." I flinched at that because I felt a little rejected. They just said Bella knew, and she was dating Edward, so why wasn't she an outsider? I frowned, staring at my hands and not knowing what to even say to that other than “Et tu, Brute?” because honestly I thought we were friends, Jacob. I thought we were friends. I just didn’t have the heart in me to take the insult at face value. 

"She's not an outsider," Willow snapped, glaring at Jacob, and I smiled at Willow because she was great. Good, old Willow would look out for me no matter what, and that was a nice feeling. I could understand why it had been so hard for the both of them to tell me about it, and Jacob was making it more and more obvious to me. Willow valued honesty in her relationships, and it was probably hard on her to keep this from both her mother and little brother, not to mention me. Telling me would probably make things easier for her.

"She's my best friend," Willow continued, standing with her eyes narrowed at Jacob. She looked like she wasn't afraid of him, but I could tell from the way one of her hands had twisted to grip her pants that she was a little scared, "And I'm not going to lie to her and everyone else for the rest of my life! I have to have someone to talk to."

"You could talk to Emily," Jacob responded with a hard expression, and I pressed my lips together. I didn't know who that was... but Willow obviously did. From the look on her face though, it did not appear to be a suggestion she appreciated. 

"No, I can't," Willow said with a long sigh, "I mean, I do , but the two of us don't... we don't like the same things." Willow had drawn into herself then, and I watched in envy as Embry pulled her toward him to offer comfort to her.

"Instead of fighting about what has already occurred, could someone please tell when all of this happened?" I asked, throwing my hands up so the attention was drawn away from Willow, who obviously didn't want it. Jacob stared at me for a long moment. His shoulders were stiff, and his fists were closed tightly.

"Last year," he said after a beat. I considered this for several seconds. The haircut. Really. I can’t believe it had been kind of obvious to see. I almost wanted to laugh. 

"Okay," I said, pushing up onto my feet, and brushing the grass and leaves off of me, "That makes sense... I'm going home now." Because I had honestly kind of had enough for the day. It was all kind of a lot for me to process, so I turned and walked away from them with a sense of purpose. The sky was murky, and it smelt like rain. The walk home was going to suck.

Chapter Text

It wasn't raining yet, but I could smell it coming in the air. Rain always had a distinct smell on the wind, like minerals or something. The walk home wasn't going to be too bad, but I figured I was going to get rained on. However, that wasn’t something I was too worried about. It rained all the time in Forks anyway. I was still processing everything I had just learned about werewolves being real, so I wasn’t in much of a hurry to begin with. How had Bella known about this? How long had she known? It sucked being the last person to know, and sure, Charlie didn’t either probably, but Embry and Jacob weren’t his friends. I wondered how many people were werewolves. 

My thoughts moved back to Bella, and I balled my hands into fists in frustration. I couldn’t believe Bella had known about this before me. Was Jacob the one who let it slip? I couldn’t figure out how she even fit into the puzzle with all of that. She spent even less time in La Push than I did, and as much as I figured lovestruck Jacob might’ve let it slip, he seemed altogether too tight lipped about it all than I’d expected. I groaned to myself, scrubbing my head in frustration. 

It didn’t matter now. That was what I was trying to convince myself of at least. Everyone who I might talk about it with (barring Charlie) knew, so it wasn’t like I had to worry about keeping my mouth shut. 

I kicked the rocks in front of me, my frown deepening with every thought. I was beginning to believe that I was an entirely unnecessary existence. What a grand feeling.

I sighed. I was glad that Willow and Embry told me, as crazy as it all was. I really wouldn't be too surprised if they ended up getting married. I really wanted something like that. When I thought about the two of them... sometimes I just felt so... lonely .

I stared down at my feet. Great, now I'm making myself feel depressed!

Just as I thought I couldn't feel any worse, it had to start raining. And, with a sudden burst of frustrated energy - perhaps the adrenaline - I started running, effectively drenching myself in as much water as I possibly could. Tears formed in my eyes, and my lungs felt like they were on fire. I could barely breathe with the way I was choking up on my cries. I felt so weak and hopeless. Lost in a place that felt like home once...

I lurched forward, my feet slipping out from under me, and I went face-first into the gravel. I cried harder as pain sparked through my hands and knees. I curled my injured extremities closer to my torso and sobbed harder, louder . Maybe... just maybe, this just wasn't the place for me. ...It wasn't like Bella needed me. She probably didn't in the first place.

Every bit of energy that I had felt previously had simply disappeared. I was completely drained. I wanted to run home to my mom. I felt like a child at that moment, in no way independent, and entirely unable to believe in myself. It was really stupid. I shouldn't be acting so childishly, but I wasn't feeling like I was worth much more than a couple pennies, so maybe I fucking deserved a good cry.

Even so, I wiped my face with a rain-soaked sleeve and got up out of the gravel and walked myself the rest of the way home. I had to clean off my injuries that had faded into a dull pulse. I felt better... probably. I never liked crying all that much anyway; it feels weak.

"Hey Maddie," Bella smiled at me when I stepped into the house. Her face curled into one of concern when she really looked at me, "...Are you okay?"

"Fine," I responded tersely and trudged up the stairs in silence. I was going to go take a shower and hope for the best, with my luck though... I was probably going to be sick in the morning. Oh well, though.

I could feel fur against my fingers, soft... so soft , and terribly warm. It was the best feeling in the whole world, like sleeping with a big dog, who loves snuggling up to you... It even smelt a bit like a wet dog... weird .

I woke with a start in the morning. I had had the strangest dream... well, it was mostly strange because I rarely dreamed, but I didn't normally dream of sleeping...? Usually my dreams were just really weird and awkward to think about. The sort of thing I was all too happy to forget about. Well, maybe then again... that dream probably fits the usual agenda.

I decided not to think too much about it, and just get my day started instead. I had school that day after all.

Then I sneezed.

Which was followed by another sneeze.

And another...

Shoot crap. I was sick. I knew it, but you know what? I'm going to school anyway because I believe in being a trooper and putting off treatment until I am completely incapacitated. Yup. Good plan.

"Willow!" I waved with a smile because no, I was not mad at her, despite what she was probably thinking by the way she was looking at me.

"G-good morning, Maddie," Willow began shyly, pushing up her glasses quickly. I smiled slightly.

"I'm not mad, you know. It was just... a lot to take in," I said, rocking back and forth on my feet nervously because Willow was making me nervous with how she was acting. Willow perked up at that.

"Great!" she grinned. I nodded slightly, and I guess, things became almost normal again. Although, it really, really wasn't... not quite.

Chapter Text

It's finally spring which means a more disproportionate amount of rain and sunshine, depending on how Forks was feeling that day. The most important part of spring though, was that summer was now right around the corner. As much of a nerd as I am, I had to admit that I actually didn't love school. Shocking , I know .

So I'm excited to have loads of free time (all the more time to do dumb things with Willow). Also I could get down to the bottom of why Jacob doesn't visit like he used to, even though he and Bella had made up... At least, that was what Bella had been saying. Honestly I don't really see Jacob much anymore, so I couldn't say. Also! It was about time I learned a bit more about that werewolf stuff... that I may have known an inkling about without knowing I had such knowledge.

I discovered that tidbit of information when I looked back through some sketches for a pending art project (that I may have procrastinated on a bit), and found the one I did of Embry with the shadowed in wolf-face. It gave me this odd feeling, and I really didn't know how to feel about it. I had given myself enough of a perplexed headache about it already.

Anyway, the best news summer brought was that I was that much closer to being a senior! I was terribly excited about this because of unimportant things like homecoming, prom and graduation. I wanted to feel a bit like a princess with some handsome dude accommodating me to my every whim. It was going to be awesome, dammit. My teenage girl heart deserved it for crying out loud.

I just wanted to break free from Bella's outstandingly massive shadow. ...I could just be the nerdy, tight-ass that said no to every date ever... And, oh gods , no one was going to ask me to prom! I had already ruined my every chance!

First though, I had to let go of Jacob . I wish that I didn't have to... but I already knew that I would always be the great and wonderful Bella Swan's younger and much less wonderful sister. Jacob just wasn't interested, and it was breaking my heart. I could deal with just being friends, really.

And I really have to find out what was going on with all this mysterious brown fur that had suddenly started cropping up in my room! I sniffled a bit, rubbing my eyes and staring at the offending furs on my comforter because hey , I'm trying to sleep here . I'm sure it had something to do with me leaving the window open at night and feeding the stray cats that lived underneath the house a few blocks over... so it probably wasn't a big deal... probably.

I stretched slowly with a yawn, and my bones creaked with weakness and pain. I cringed slightly, pulling my arms quickly back into my body. I pressed a warm hand to my equally warm, but also a bit sweaty forehead. I frowned slightly because that in combination with the achy pains wasn't a good sign. I did feel a little cold last night...

I moved stubbornly to the edge of the bed and slowly rose to my feet. My knees shook beneath me, and I really wanted to be stronger than this. I wanted a different body sometimes... I took in a deep breath and let go of the edge of the nightstand and took a step forward.

Seconds later, I was tilting toward the floor, and goodnight.

"Maddie?" I could hear Charlie's voice, and I groaned softly, mostly because of the pain. My head seriously hurt.

"Are you okay?" I stared up at Charlie's face and put on my best, sportsman-like smile.

"I might be a wee bit sick," I rasped, and Charlie smiled a bit at that. He made me choke down some super gross stuff before giving me the glass of sweet, sweet water.

"Thought so," he responded after a moment. I noticed then that he was already dressed and ready for work, but seemed a bit hesitant about actually leaving me all by my lonesome.

"Don't worry about me, Dad..." I began with a small smile. My voice was already starting to come back with the aid of the glass of water I just drank, "I'll be okay here." Charlie smiled slightly at me.

"If you say so," he looked away from me and around the room when he felt a bit of breeze, "Would you like me to close the window for you?" I shook my head.

"No... It's fine," I answered, staring out of the open part. It wasn't the biggest window, but it provided plenty of space for even a large dog to jump through, or a panther. A panther would be pretty exciting, actually.

Charlie ruffled my hair a bit, "See you later." I waved in response and curled back up under the covers.

I could feel something amazingly warm pressed against me. My fingers moved forward to get closer to that warmth, finding soft, but rough and thick fur. The further my fingers went, the softer the fur got and warmer. I sighed softly, inching closer to it as some shouting started up down the stairs. I frowned slightly. Way to ruin the moment .

I figured this was a dream because when I cracked my eyes open, there was a rather large... wolf ? in my bed. And I knew there were werewolves in Forks, but I was pretty sure they didn't know where I lived, and there was no way that it was Jacob... So I was dreaming. Dreaming that wolf Jacob came in through my room and was sleeping my bed. Ah, how nice.

I closed my eyes, pressing a kiss into the thick fur. It tickled my face, and it felt so, so real.

The arguing continued. Something about Florida and tickets... and did I hear Edward ? I squeezed my eyes shut and forced myself to sleep or wake up or whatever . I just wanted to relax... and enjoy this weird wolfy dream.

I woke up feeling tons better. Though I had that dream again, and I was beginning to wonder if I was going to be one of those people who have weird recurring dreams. With sudden, mild horror, I fished my phone out of my covers and quickly called Willow.

"Hello?"

"Oh my gods, Willow! I had the weirdest dream!" I immediately blurted out because I may have been freaking out a little bit.

"Okay..."

"Listen, you know how I told you that I was going to get over Jacob and move on and stuff?" I asked.

"Yeah. You're not taking that back are you?" she asked, suddenly much more interested in what I had to say.

"No way!" I responded quickly, "It's just... I've been having this same dream for the past couple of nights, and well..."

"Tell me about it," Willow said in a tone that made it seem like more of an order.

"Well, I'm in my room, sleeping and there's this big, brown wolf on my bed with me and I'm like, cuddling it."

"Maddie... you need help."

"Willow!" I could hear her giggling on the other end.

"I know, that was too far," she was still laughing a bit, "But you have to admit that was a good one."

"You're awful," I responded, "I don't know if I even want to talk to you anymore."

"Oh, you do," she replied with confidence.

"What if I don't?" I retorted. Willow snorted.

"Okay, then I won't tell you what I'm thinking." I froze.

"No, Willow, I need your advice," I whined, begging her not to leave me all confused and feeling really awkward. Willow chuckled.

"Don't worry. I wouldn't abandon you like that," she said with an air of arrogance. Gods, she was quite the douche bag sometimes.

"Yeah... Now tell me!" I responded sharply.

"You're still hung up on Jacob. And that's okay because your heart probably isn't going to move with your mind... you're just going to have to try to move on even if your heart isn't completely ready to... that's all. The important thing is to date . Date lots. Date all the boys. Even if you aren't the slightest bit interested. Besides, what have you got to lose?" Willow said gently, giving me the advice she felt would be the best for me. I nodded slightly, suddenly tearing up. I wanted it to be easier to get over someone...

"Okay," I said with a sad tone in my voice. I probably sounded like I was about to start crying.

"Oh, Maddie ," Willow sympathized softly, "It'll be okay..." I swallowed.

"I know," I replied, "Logically, I know." Willow made a sympathetic whine, and worked to bring me down from my tears in that slow, gentle prodding way of hers. I didn't know what I'd do without her.

"Honestly, I don't know why you're telling me that the fact I exist is miraculous right now," I giggled softly through my tears and sniffles, "It doesn't make me feel better that I just so happened to be in existence."

"Well-"

" No , I'm stopping you right there Willow. Let's not talk about those alternate universes of yours. I don't like thinking about what life would be like if certain things just happened to not exist," I said sternly.

"Aw, spoil sport," Willow pouted, but I could hear the smile in her voice. Eventually we hung up, and I wandered down stairs and asked Charlie about his day. I found out that Bella was planning to visit Mom in Florida... and that she wanted to do so with Edward. I convinced Charlie that it would be okay, even though I didn't approve either. It was just... Bella was going to graduate pretty soon, and there really wasn't anything either of us could do about it. Bella was going to do what she wanted whether we agreed with it or not. That one fight she had with Edward proved that point a while ago.

I stayed home one more day, and Bella didn't seem to be in the greatest of moods when she came home later. Next thing I knew, she was shouting about how the car wouldn't start and slamming doors. I wandered down the stairs quietly to sit with Charlie and watch baseball with him.

I didn't even like baseball, to be honest.

Chapter Text

I had resolved to go on a date before Bella returned from her trip to Florida. It was a bit of a short timeline, and probably not the best idea, but I really wanted to move forward here, so that was what I was going to do.

And maybe it hadn't been the best idea to ask the guy I had rejected about a year ago, and maybe I was being too hasty about it all, but it was too late now because I was already wearing a simple summer dress... and Victor was going to be at my house any minute now.

I chose Victor because he was the most... okay looking choice I had, and he seemed nice enough, to be honest. He wasn't the tallest, but he was taller than me at least. He didn't have any pimples either, which was a bonus. And well... if I was being entirely honest I just picked the most un-Jacob-like I could find. Victor was skinny, pale and blonde. His eyes were pretty though. A nice blue-green shade that kind of reminded me of those other-worldly oceans in those photos of beaches on the internet.

So, I wasn't too excited, and I wasn't hoping for the best thing ever either. I was anticipating it to be a rather simple affair. We were going to go out, eat some food, watch a movie and I should be home before eleven... It sounded easy enough, although I was a complete mess on the inside. After all, what if he tried to kiss me? I wasn't that interested... No, this date wasn't a date... it was just a social thing where only two people were involved, and oh dear gods, I couldn't make it sound better!

The doorbell rang suddenly, and I hurried to get to it before Charlie did because I was pretty sure he still thought I might be dating Jacob (I rather liked keeping him in that state of mind...), but I was too slow.

"H-hello, Mr. Swan..." Victor began in his meek voice, "I'm here to pick Maddie up for our, uh, date." I groaned internally because I didn't want Charlie to think that I would actually seriously date this guy. Charlie smiled slightly and looked over toward me with a confused facial expression. I gave him a nervous smile.

"Don't worry Dad," I said quickly, sliding out the door, "I won't be out too long."

"Okay," Charlie replied a bit stiffly. He was probably reevaluating his life. I was hoping he wasn't going to call Billy and tell him that I was dating some miscellaneous boy from school. That would be too embarrassing. Charlie probably would though. Billy was his best friend, after all.

"Wow, uh, you look very, uh, pretty," Victor said with a blush that went to his arms. I had never noticed him blush like that before. It was... weird . Not in like, a bad way, but just unexpected? Gods, this was awkward.

"Uh, thank you, I guess," I responded just as awkwardly. Victor smiled at me slightly and went to open the car door for me. I wasn't really sure how I was feeling about that at the time, but just as we left we passed Jacob and Billy on their way to visit. I think they noticed... shit .

Victor took me to one of the nicer places in Forks where the food was a bit pricey, and I was beginning to think he was trying to impress me. I hadn't thought about it before, but he had also picked me up in an expensive looking silver sports car. Maybe I had made a bad choice...

"So, uh, what are you thinking of getting?" Victor started up suddenly, surprising me so much that I actually jumped.

"Oh, I don't know... it's all kind of pricey..." I responded in a tiny voice. I was kind of retracting into myself. I wasn't used to this sort of prim and proper sort of atmosphere. It was intimidating.

"Would you like to share something then?" Victor asked with a smile, and I could see that he was growing more confident in himself for whatever reason. Maybe it was because I was also nervous?

"Oh, uh, no..." I replied, shaking my head quickly.

"It's okay," Victor told me.

Eventually I ended up just ordering a salad and water. It wasn't that good either, but it was the cheapest thing I could find, and I paid for my portion as well.

The movie was something that Victor chose, and I didn't pay much attention to it because about ten minutes in (if even that), Victor put a hand on my knee. I was hyper aware of his touch, and when that hand started to move upward, I stood up faster than I could think. Seconds later, I was running out of the theater with my dignity partially still intact.

I don't think I will ever forget that moment of sudden fear. I wasn't ready for that sort of thing. Is that how guys thought? I didn't want to be touched like that by someone I barely knew...

Next thing I knew, I was crying all by myself on my way home. When I got there, it was past eleven and Billy's truck was still parked outside. I despaired because I was a mess. There was probably mascara all over my face, and I felt horrible. I went inside because I still really needed Charlie's comfort and good, long hug. I wiped at my face as I stepped inside.

Jacob stared at me in surprise, "Maddie?" I felt my lip tremble as I stared hard at the ground, trying to hide my face from him.

"Hi, Jake," I said with a sniffle.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked, taking a hesitant step toward me. I rubbed an arm across my face and shook my head slightly.

"I'm okay... I'm going to be a-okay..." I said with a slight smile, and I saw Jacob's face freeze when he saw my face. I probably looked really bad. My eyes already felt swollen.

"Maddie, you're back! How was your date...?" Charlie trailed off looking at me, his smile fading. Before he could say anything else, I quickly threw myself into his arms.

"Dad!" I said with a sob. Billy led Jacob away, and the two of them left without a word. I didn't know how infuriated Jacob looked until Charlie mentioned it later. I told Charlie everything, getting make-up all over his t-shirt, but Charlie didn't seem to mind at all.

"Morning, Maddie," Bella said, leaning over the couch to look at me. I squinted up at her.

"It's too bright in here," I responded, reclosing my eyes. Bella laughed at that.

"Then you probably shouldn't have passed out on the couch," she told me, acting like a big sister for the first time in a while. Most of the time the two of just avoided each other. It probably wasn't all that fun for either of us. Her trip probably went swimmingly.

"Welcome home, I guess," I said tiredly. Bella grinned at me.

"Thanks," she replied, "How was your weekend? I see that you got all dressed up for something..." Bella said this with an implication that I read loud and clear to be boys .

"Terrible. My date went badly." I answered tersely. I had spoken about it all that I wanted to. Bella seemed surprised.

"Really? What happened?" she asked, suddenly acting very concerned. I frowned slightly, rolling over toward the couch's backrest.

"Don't want to talk about it," I muttered into the fabric. Bella didn't say anything for a long moment.

"You know, I'm here for you," she said after a while. I sighed, refusing to respond. I didn't want to pick another fight with her. I really wasn't in the mood. As Bella liked to say that, I knew the truth. She would be there for me when it was convenient for her. That was all.

I walked to La Push later that day to draw. I sat in my usual spot, warmed beneath the sunshine and lost in thought. I had my eyes closed, and I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings, so I didn't notice when Jacob approached me.

"Maddie, are you okay?" Jacob started slowly, awkwardly. I kept my eyes closed and remained silent. I didn't really know what he was getting at.

"...I'm fine," I answered after a long moment.

"What... what happened yesterday?" Jacob asked, and I looked over my shoulder at him then, assessing him. He never really seemed all that interested in me before...

"I just... need to try again! That guy was a little too... hasty for me, so I'll just have to try dating someone else!" I answered cheerfully. Jacob seemed surprised, and at a loss for words. I gave him a thumbs up.

"Don't worry about me, okay?" I began softly, looking down at my hands then, "I know you like Bella..." Jacob stiffened in my peripheral vision.

"You... you know about that?"

"Yeah. It was obvious," I replied with a bitter smile, "Everyone with eyes knows." Jacob's hands curled into fists.

"Oh..." he muttered, looking a bit distant. I took a deep, painful breath.

"That's why I have to date other people... to get over you," I said finally. Jacob turned suddenly, staring at me.

"What...?" he sounded so surprised. I turned slightly to look him in the eyes. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes.

"I like you, Jacob..." I shuddered with a shaky breath, "So, please... don't say anything to me that could get my hopes up, okay?" My tears spilt over then, and Jacob stood in shocked silence, just staring at me in a new light.

"That..." he started, his eyebrows furrowed. Jacob looked so confused. I laughed bitterly.

"Don't worry!" I laughed through my tears, "I'm quite used to having to pick myself up out of the dirt by now." I stood up, wiping off my jeans and wiping my tears away.

"Maddie..." Jacob began, staring at me earnestly, almost as if he had never seen me before. I touched his shoulder gently.

"I'm okay... and goodbye," I said with a small smile. I then removed my hand and walked away from him. I bottled my tumultuous emotions inside. So Victor was out of the question now... I guess I was just going to have to try asking someone else out as soon as I felt ready.

Chapter Text

My school day was the absolute worst. Well, at least it started rather terribly with Victor attempting to convey his apologies to me with a bouquet of roses (bright pink ones at that... he could've at least gotten some red ones) and yelling after me when I tried to refuse him. It was really annoying... and mortifying .

Literally everyone knew about Victor's profession of true love to me by the end of the day, and I just wanted to curl up in a corner and die . I don't think I had ever been more embarrassed, not even my semi-confession to Jacob matched this level of grated nerves. In fact, it didn't even come close.

I did not enjoy playing hide-and-seek with Victor the whole of my day. Even if it did lead to a good thing. Because for the first time ever, I spoke to this other guy named Matt. Apparently he had been in my art class the entire year, but for some reason I never noticed him... and he was really cute .

Matt was probably shorter than Jacob, but he was still pretty tall. Apparently his mom was Japanese and his dad was in the military before they decided to settle down in Forks after he retired. I was a little surprised by all of that, but that all sounded pretty cool. That, and Matt was a really good artist. He was a thousand times better than me, at least. I really liked his art style.

I invited him to sit with me and Willow, which he gladly accepted. I felt like I was finally going to have another friend to dump all my worries on, although I probably wasn't going to talk to him about Jacob... because Jacob wasn't significant anymore. That's what I had been telling myself at least.

Willow called us the "M&M" pair, and I laughed for ages at the name. Matt honestly looked a little embarrassed. Willow thought he had a crush on me, but I wasn't really looking for a relationship just yet... not with that total disaster of a first date with Victor.

I have to admit, the day turned out better than I expected it to.

"Hey, Maddie," Bella said, plopping down into the chair at my desk, "Have you and Jake gotten into a fight?" She seemed earnest, and honestly, I was glad that she was back in the waking world.

"No," I responded, continuing to scribble on a sheet of paper. I hated writing essays...

"Well, he told me to tell you that he's 'sorry', and honestly, why couldn't he just say that to you himself if you two aren't fighting?" Bella asked, crossing her arms over her chest. I looked up at her then with a perplexed expression. Why had he done that? It didn't make any sense. He didn't have anything to apologize for after all.

"He probably feels too awkward around me now," I answered after a beat, more hung up on the fact that he freaking apologized . Seriously ? It kind of pissed me off.

"Why's that?" Bella asked, looking curious, and I realized I had never told Bella. I had always told Bella about my crushes, and she did the same. Just like when she told me about how she liked Eduardo.

"Well..." I said with a slight pout, feeling more than a little bit embarrassed, "I told him I love- er, liked - him." Bella's eyes widened, and she paled significantly.

"It didn't really go over well," my voice raised several octaves as tears rushed into my eyes. I gripped my pencil tightly, trying my best to reel them back in.

"OH. Oh, Maddie... I didn't know," Bella began, softening. She stood, moving toward me. I pulled away slightly before she finally managed to get me to lean into the hug, my face pressed into her shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," Bella whispered to me, and honestly, she probably really was.

"I... I knew," I sobbed, "I knew he liked you, and yet...!" Bella pet my head gently. She shushed me gently.

"I know... it's okay," she told me. I gripped onto her tightly, feeling like a little kid again. It reminded me of the time that the girls in my ballet class bullied me. I ran home to my dependable older sister who always comforted me until I stopped crying. Bella even gave the other girls a stern talking to one time. It didn't help, but I sure looked up to Bella in that moment. She seemed... so brave .

Sometimes I missed when things were simpler. When it was just Bells and me against the world. We had been the best and the worst of friends, being so close in age and all, but Bella was the more mothering one of us. She had this aura that just glowed with warmth and comfort. It was still there, but it was no longer the same as it was when we were smaller. I certainly missed it. The closeness.

I sniffled, pulling back from Bella a little, "You always were the pretty one." I grinned slightly as Bella laughed.

"What are you talking about? You're the prettier one," she reassured me, and I shook my head, hugging her again.

"We never could agree on that one..."

That following weekend I went to La Push to visit Billy, and I got lucky, seeing as Jacob wasn't there when I arrived. Although Billy tried to convince me to come back a little later when he was in.

"What was Jake- uh, Jacob- like when he was little?" I asked suddenly, and I wasn't sure why... I mean I was curious, but it felt like there was something more to it than that. I didn't want to analyze it too seriously at the time however.

"He was a funny kid," Billy smiled, and I think on some level Billy was hoping that Jacob would fall in love with me or Bella, "I have some photo albums if you want to see..." he motioned with an arm before wheeling off to grab some. Next thing I knew, I was fawning over the cutest little guy I had ever seen. I mean, seriously, Jacob was so cute when he was just a baby!

Billy seemed to be very amused, and he told me lots of little stories about the antics Jacob would get up to, some of which involved Bella as well. I suddenly wished I had shown more interest in going to see my dad when I was younger. It might have been really fun...

Billy was happy to chat with me about Jacob forever, but I figured Jacob would return soon and helped him clean up the albums before leaving. Just my luck though, I ran into Jacob on my way out.

"Maddie..." Jacob stared at me for a long moment without saying anything, so I quickly tried to duck out and leave.

"Hey, Jake. I was just leaving, so guess I'll-" Just as I tried to skooch away, he grabbed a hold of my wrist stopping me.

"Wait," he said softly. I felt my cheeks burning with how close he had unintentionally pulled me.

"Uh... why?" I squeaked, trying to get my brain to work again because oh my gods I'd really like to kiss me a hot werewolf right now . Serious expressions looked almost scandalous on Jacob's face, and I was in dire need of help with reigning in my teenage hormones.

"Just... wait," Jacob responded seriously, his grip on my wrist tightening, and it kind of hurt.

"C-could you loosen your grip a little there, Muscles Linguine?" I attempted, not wanting to start cringing obviously. Jacob seemed to snap out of it then.

"Yeah, sorry ," his voice softened with the apology, and the way he stared into my eyes really pissed me off. I never should have told him that I liked him! Now he was treating me like a delicate flower! It wasn't like I was just going to fall apart.

When he released me, I tried to punch him, which he dodged.

"What? Why are you trying to hit me?" Jacob seemed confused.

"For not considering my feelings! I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, so don't tell me what to do!" I snapped, storming off, but of course, he followed after me.

"No, you're not, Maddie," Jacob responded, "Now, at least , would you let me drive you home?" I whirled around, glaring at him.

"NO," I said with force. So Jacob just grabbed me, threw me over his shoulder, and put me in his car.

"I'm driving you home," he told me, and I stopped fighting with him. I felt a chill run down my spine halfway through the car ride, wondering why Jacob was acting so forceful.

"Don't go anywhere by yourself, okay?" was what he told me when he dropped me off.

Chapter Text

It was after art class. That was when Matt apparently decided to spring a question on me. One that I had to think seriously about. I knew that he had been hanging out with me a lot, but I never thought he had some sort of ulterior motive. And maybe he didn't at first… but asking me on a date? It seemed so sudden. I was entirely unprepared, to be honest.

And when he asked, I really didn't know what to say, honestly because I did like him… as a person and all. There was nothing wrong with saying yes, right ? In the end, I told him I would think about it, and he looked like I had just promised him the world. I was beginning to be nervous about answering him regardless of the direction I took it in.

The main issue I had with it was because we were friends. Good friends, and I really wanted some more of that in my life. I needed people around me, looking out for me. I needed more people like Willow in my life. Because I had a feeling that once I got over Jacob, I was going to be left with this gaping hole in my life. I'd feel like someone had just taken my hands from me. I wouldn't know how to move on from it. Much less how I'm supposed to stop loving him because I didn't just like him… I really loved him. I loved his goofy and macho personality. I liked that he enjoyed baseball like Charlie did (and I suspected I'd warm up to the sport eventually). I thought he would just fit in with the whole family like a puzzle piece. It just made sense.

Really, falling in love with Jacob was just like me. He was safe. I knew he'd get along with the people in my life, and I knew that we agreed with one another to some degree. It was so typical of me. I liked boys who would work , but I couldn't have them. They fell in love with prettier, less available girls (which was not me… I was quite available).

So I wasn't sure if I wanted to let go of that friendship that Matt and I had. It was a good sort of friendship, and I really hadn't wanted romantic feelings to taint it like it already was beginning to. I had trouble looking at Matt now because I felt bad. I still didn't know my answer, and I knew for sure that I didn't like him like that. No, I had a loyal heart. It would probably love Jacob still, even if I was all the way across the world. My last crush had lasted over a year. It had been tripped up by Jacob though. The one before it was a whole three years. I had had a total of four crushes, one of which was on the twenty-six year old history teacher, who got married the last year I was in his class. I had been pretty salty about it.

My crush on Jacob had been going on now for a mere two years now. It was my usual length of pining, and honestly, if I was going to super fall for Matt… wouldn't that have already happened? At least, going off of pattern, that's what I assumed. So maybe it was better that I declined and hoped we could continue to be friends, but perhaps that wasn't possible. I was running circles in my head over this. I was about ready to start banging it against things.

I left school in a daze that day, and I didn't really know much of what happened at all, really. Bella drove me home, and she was acting a bit antsy. I didn't feel like asking her about it though. So I let it go.

The moment we got home, I curled up on the couch next to Charlie and watched a baseball game with him. Apparently the Cubs were winning. I couldn't tell if that was a good or bad thing. Charlie was being pretty serious at the time. I opted to stare at the screen while my mind returned to this Matt dilemma I had.

I ran through it one more time in my mind, deciding to tell him "yes" but also deciding to forewarn him that it was only a trial run. He had to know that I did not see him that way, and that it was quite possible that I never would.

It was still dark outside when I opened my eyes. I was surprised to see a figure standing in the room, silhouetted by the soft moonlight. I had no idea who it was standing there in the darkness, and I was too afraid to open my mouth and say a thing.

The next moment, there was a wolf leaping in through the window. It growled and scared off whoever or whatever had been there moments ago. The wolf, which seemed to be about to chase after the person, still had bristled fur and looked rather intimidating, but something in me felt comforted by its presence.

"... Jacob ?" I whispered, and it turned to look at me with Jacob's warm, brown eyes. I knew it was him, but moments later he was gone… just as quickly as he had come. I curled my limbs closer to myself, feeling equally terrified and comforted. Who had been standing in my room moments ago?

I was really scared now, but I knew something then. I wasn't going to ever like Matt, not like I liked Jacob, and I couldn't be so cruel as to even him allow the thought that it truly was quite possible that I would.

I laid in darkness, feeling a deep satisfaction for two seconds, then I hurried out of the room. I couldn't be in there by myself for much longer, after all. I was far too frightened. I hurried over to Charlie's room, curling up in the bed with him. I was thankful that he didn't say anything about it because I was being quite the four year old (and with good reason, mind you).

"Get up, kiddo. You've got to go to school," Charlie said, shaking me awake. My eyes flew up, and I stared at him with a frightened expression.

"Oh my gods, what time is it?" I asked in a breathless voice. Charlie seemed rather amused.

"It's seven," he said, staring at his watch.

I shot up, "WHAT?" I was late! I immediately began moving, already hurrying off to my room. Once I got there and glanced at the clock, I saw that it was barely six… I stormed back to where Charlie was, still standing about in his pajamas and chuckling to himself.

"You tricked me," I said in accusatory tone. Charlie smiled and patted me on the shoulder.

"I misread the time, and you didn't give me a chance to correct myself," he responded. I refused to believe that preposterous lie and turned heel, storming off to my room. My dad was such a jerk! I couldn't believe him… I had almost died of panic. I quite liked my (mostly) pristine school record.

I took my time getting ready for school. I kind of felt like walking, and so I did. After all, it only took me about fifteen minutes to get ready. I didn't wear makeup or any of that nonsense on most days. It was really far too much work for me.

I was greeted with a rather unusual sight when I arrived at school. Jacob was there in the parking lot, just leaning against his motorcycle all hot like. Really, what right did he have to look that perfect and beautiful? It was entirely unfair. I swear he was trying to torture me with how tight that shirt he was wearing was. Gods, I could see every perfectly sculpted muscle… and I think I was drooling for a second there.

I quickly walked over to him once I regained my senses and reigned in my crush to a manageable level of screaming hormones. Then Jacob had the nerve to look up at me and smile. I swooned… a little. I don't think he noticed. Gods, I hoped he didn't.

"Are you okay?" Jacob asked, raising hand but stopping within inches of my cheek. That was a bit strange because he was becoming more and more touchy-feely with me, and I didn't know what to make of it, so I decided to ignore it. It probably didn't mean a thing to begin with.

"Yeah," I responded slowly, shivers running up my spine as I thought about what had happened the previous night, "I'm… I'm alright. Just a little frightened, is all." I gave Jacob a weak smile, and he didn't really look convinced.

"It's okay if you're not," he told me, his hand falling back to his side. I kind of wished Jacob had decided to go through with whatever he'd been planning to do. I probably would've been more comforted by it than he'd ever know… but I think he was trying to respect my wishes and not lead me on, which was equally comforting.

"No, I really am okay," I replied as if saying it repeatedly would make it better. Jacob didn't seem to believe me, but he played along anyway.

"Okay," he sighed, getting onto his bike, "Stay safe, Maddie." Then he rode off before I could reply. I never knew how loud motorcycles were before that moment.

When I came back to reality, I saw Matt staring across the parking lot at me. I had no idea what I was going to tell him. No idea at all.

Chapter Text

I walked toward the entrance of the school as quickly as I could without drawing attention to myself. I was hoping this would prevent me from having to deal with Matt at that particular moment. I didn't have a single class with him that day to begin with, so there wasn't a single reason that I would cross paths with him at all again (if you consider staring at each other from across a parking lot crossing paths ). He was truly giving off some big Edward vibes with that one, for sure.

"Maddie!" I grit my teeth and believed in my legs' ability to work through these awful shin splints I was getting. He wasn't going to flag me down. Nope. There was no way in hell. I was really close to the first crowd of people near the doors of the school. I was nearly there… just a little further… ignore the pain. Escape was so, so close.

"Maddie!" I felt a force pull me stumbling backward suddenly. I let out a small cry of terror. Matt had me by the backpack. I glared at him, attempting to swat at the offending hand.

"Get off of me," I growled. Matt laughed, releasing me then. I almost dashed off then, but Matt's question stopped me.

"So is he the reason that you told me you had to think about it?" Matt asked, "Because he looks like the sort to break your heart. He isn't going to be some Dothraki, I promise."

"Are you implying I'm Daenerys in this scenario? Because I'm really not," I responded in an irritated tone, "Besides, you don't even know Jacob, so shut the hell up."

"Oh, so his name is Jacob?" Matt raised a single eyebrow. I frowned slightly.

"I dare you to say one more negative thing about him. I really do," I hissed, my anger rising like a frightened viper.

"What? He looks like a total dick," Matt told me, and I lost it. I slapped him faster than I could think. I glared at him.

"You do not talk about him like that," I snapped and turned on my heel to briskly walk away. I didn't think he was going to follow me after that. Matt was infuriating. He had no right to judge a person by looks alone. What the hell did he know anyway? Matt was an idiot. Jacob was a really sweet guy… I frowned slightly at the floor as I continued on my way.

I found Matt standing at my locker after school. I was still pretty upset with him, but I couldn't just completely circumvent my locker, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. I was just jealous, see," Matt began as I opened my locker, outrightly ignoring him, "Come on , Mads. Talk to me."

"Don't call me that," I snapped, looking at him sharply, "...and it's fine." Really, I just wanted him to go away, but I was trying to ignore my emotions because they were being illogical. They were really whiny and annoying.

"Are you sure?" he prodded, peering around the door of my locker. I looked over at him and sighed.

"Yeah…" I replied, and he walked out with me while talking about some miscellaneous stuff. I wasn't really listening, to be honest. I was pretty sure he was beating around the bush, but I didn't really want to talk about it, even though I had reevaluated my previous answer. Maybe it was because I was feeling particularly salty.

"Just spit it out already," I said finally with a sigh of frustration. Matt looked a little surprised.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, probably attempting to look less obvious, which he was failing miserably at.

"Then I'll just fucking answer. Gods, you're annoying," I growled, not even looking at him. Matt stiffened slightly.

"Sorry, sorry," he immediately apologized. I glared at the parking lot.

"I'll go on that date with you, but we aren't going to talk about him. He's off-limits, okay?" I said finally. It felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

"Okay," Matt nodded in agreement, "I can live with that."

"Good," I responded. Then I hurried off to hop into the truck with Bella who seemed a bit preoccupied.

"Oh, Bella," I started and her expression didn't change one bit. I sighed, "So I know Jacob's a werewolf." Her eyes refocused almost immediately.

"Huh? What did you say?" she asked, looking at me with interest.

"Nothing," I replied with a slight smile. We'd talk about that soon enough. I had to know after all…

I was running faster than ever before. My breath was barely keeping with me, but I couldn't stop running. Something was preventing me. I had to get away, but the rising goosebumps on my skin told me I wasn't doing so nearly fast enough. I wasn't going to get away. Fear rose up through my body, and I still couldn't catch my breath. It felt like my body was on fire. I was going to die. I was going to die…!

Desperation curled in my stomach, and I tripped over something. I had no idea what it was. I was too distracted by the pain that curled into my body. I slowly turned to look over my shoulder even though I knew that whatever I was running from was right there, and I was going to see its face. I didn't want to. Something in me screamed not to look. To get back up and start running again, but I couldn't stop myself.

Out of the darkness, a pale glittering thing with a human body stepped out into the minimal light of my dream. I couldn't see the face. It was shadowed out. I don't think I wanted to see the face that it possessed.

How I evaded this creature for any amount of time escaped me. It looked too clean to have really been running after me in these woods, and a terrifying thought peeped up in my mind. What if he hadn't been running? What if this monster had simply been strolling along after me, knowing I would fall eventually. Knowing that no matter what I did, it would still be able to catch me.

This man - no, this creature - cupped my chin, lifting my face to look into its blood colored eyes. I felt my heart skip a beat. Those fingers felt like ice against my skin. I tried to look away, close my eyes, anything, but I couldn't. My body was frozen in place. I was entirely at its mercy.

" You look just like her…" the monster spoke in a smooth, almost familiar voice. A voice that seemed nostalgic, but I couldn't place it. It was slow and calculated, like english was a second language. I swallowed.

" And yet, completely different, very useful abilities," he sounded pleased. All I could see was those crimson eyes, and I wanted to get away. I wanted to squirm and fight this hold. My body felt like fire, and I couldn't move a muscle.

" You would make a nice asset," he said, and finally released me. My body immediately began to move once more, shivers and goosebumps filling my whole being. I felt tears tumble down my face.

I shot up in my bed with a start. My heart was beating at a hundred miles a second. My hands grasped at my neck as my sore throat filled with sweet, sweet air. That couldn't have just been a dream. It felt far too real... too real.

"Maddie, Maddie… breathe," a soft soothing voice said to me. I recognized it as Jacob's. His warm hand rubbed circles on my back.

"Breathe," he urged me. Then he took both of my hands away from my throat, warming them in his. He was so warm…. "You're okay," he assured me. I stared at him as I sucked in desperate breaths. It felt like someone had tried to strangle me.

"What… are you doing here?" I asked slowly as I got my breath back for the most part. I felt so exhausted, but I really wasn't ready to go back to sleep just yet. Jacob looked pensive.

"I don't…" he paused in thought, "actually know." His response certainly didn't sound like something I could believe in that exact moment. I think he could tell from the expression I was giving him.

"I was out with the pack, and next thing I knew I was breaking formation and running here to you because I could feel that something was wrong. My wolf half was freaking out, and you weren't breathing," Jacob started to explain, "I didn't know what to do." He was staring at my hands in his. His fingers turned my hands over, staring at them with the most perplexed expression.

"It's… It's okay now," I said, taking my hands back, "I'm fine now, see." I motioned slightly to myself and put on a brave face. Jacob didn't look very reassured. Jacob's hands had chased after mine, fingertips brushing along my hands as I pulled them further away, toward my chest. I looked up into Jacob's face, wondering what he was thinking.

"Are you okay?" I asked because he was acting strangely and saying things that didn't really make much sense. He didn't garner me with a response, deciding to stand instead.

"Be careful," he told me before slipping out of the window. I hurried over to watch him shapeshift back into a wolf and run into the night. I felt a bit frustrated. He was really running circles around me these days. Ever since that date I had with…

"I have a date! Why wouldn't I be safe?" I shouted suddenly before I could think to even stop myself. I huffed, thinking that ought to teach him. I then proceeded to slam the window shut. With a sigh, I felt just a little bit satisfied with myself.

I had gotten ready for school in a rather timely manner the next day, and hurried down the stairs to grab some pop-tarts and toss them in my backpack before heading out for a nice early morning stroll. However my plans were interrupted. I encountered Jacob outside. He had his truck this time, the Rabbit , I think was what he called it.

"Hey, Jacob…?" I trailed off, giving him a confused look. He smiled slightly at me.

"Good morning, Maddie," he began slowly, awkwardly , "So you're going on another date?" I was stunned, and I moved back slightly as if I had been punched. I hadn't actually expected him to hear that…

"Uh… yeah ," I dragged the word out as if I wasn't so sure of this information myself, "What have I got to lose?" I shrugged and looked down at my feet with a frown.

"Don't go," Jacob spoke suddenly, and I looked at him in surprise.

"Why?" I asked, pulling my eyebrows together in confusion because that… that was not the anticipated response? My heart was trying to convince me that Jacob was jealous, which was complete nonsense. Hah! He liked Bella! Everyone with eyeballs knew. Everyone who knew Jacob knew, at least. I needed to tell my heart to calm down.

"I have a bad feeling about it," Jacob responded as if that would be enough to convince me. I stared at him with a "are you serious?" expression. I was rather disappointed by this answer of his.

"You don't tell me what to do," I told him as if this information was plain as day. I then attempted to walk past him, figuring the conversation was now over. Jacob caught me by the arm.

"Please, I'm asking you as a friend," he urged me, and I turned to look at him. Oh, I knew it was a bad idea to do so. I knew the sway it would have on my heart. I knew. I knew. I knew. But I still looked.

He had the sweetest puppy-dog like expression, and I don't think he was even trying. I almost acquiesced. I really almost did. However, the deciding factor was Bella. He loved her, and I couldn't… I wouldn't listen to him. I didn't want to deceive my heart again into thinking that there was even the slimmest chance existed for me and him. I had to say "no" to him.

"I'm allowed to go on dates. I'm single," I replied, "Just because you don't like my choice of date doesn't mean I can't go and find out for myself. After all, he could be the one ." Something shifted in Jacob's expression, and his grip on me loosened and slipped.

"You can't go," he said in an imploring tone, and I stared into his face for something other than that which made me confused, but that was all I could find. I didn't know what I was supposed to be thinking. I needed Jacob to start making sense.

"Why?" I questioned him, furrowing my eyebrows.

"I don't like it," he replied.

"So you're jealous?" I assumed. He frowned slightly at that.

"No," Jacob answered stiffly. I squinted my eyes slightly staring at him with a suspicious expression.

"I don't believe you," I responded. Jacob sighed.

"Well, I need you to," he told me with a serious expression.

"Why's that? I don't have to believe anything," I asserted. Jacob was beginning to seem frustrated. His face was tinged a little with red, and it almost looked like he was blushing.

"Please?" he implored. His face was decidedly off the charts cuteness, so I couldn't say no… sadly . I was quite enjoying the minor torture he probably thought I was putting him through.

"Okay," I responded, but it was a lie. I was still going on that date.

Chapter Text

I pulled on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. I couldn't find the shirt I wanted to wear though. It was somewhere over the rainbow. I pulled several articles of clothing out of my drawers with a frustrated groan. It wasn't where I knew I had put it. I looked through the clothes that I strewn across the floor again. It really wasn't there. It was frustrating, not knowing where my stuff was.

I moved on to my closet because maybe - just maybe - I had hung it up. I found a different, but equally nice shirt. It was just a more flowy, casual sort of shirt. Not like the thin, button-up I had been searching for. Even so, I was fairly pleased with my overall outfit.

I then proceeded to put on some eyeliner and mascara, just a little though. I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard. After all, it was just my first date with Matt. I smeared on some pale pink lip gloss, popping my lips a bit and smiling in the mirror at the end result. It looked very different from my usual self. In fact, my dark circles were invisible with the combination of mascara and cover-up, and my skin looked a thousand times clearer.

I put in my tiny, elephant earrings for good luck. I wanted to have a simple, easy date. I didn't want anything strange to happen, and I was hoping there would even be awkward conversation. It sounded perfect, normal, which was exactly what I wanted.

Matt was taking me to Seattle for dinner and window-shopping. Essentially, we were just going to walk around and talk to each other, perhaps find some fun things to talk about. I walked down the stairs to find Matt already there, waiting on me. He seemed a bit different, but I figured it was just the awkward, first date feelings.

"Hey Matt," I smiled at him, and Charlie watched on suspiciously because that was how he was probably going to look at all my dates now... Matt smiled back with an uneasy expression, and I got the feeling Charlie had been grilling him the whole time.

"Let's go," I motioned toward the door, and Matt jumped out of the chair, all too happy to lead me out the door and to his car. I got in quietly, buckling in and Matt backed out into the road. Then we were off on our date. I was starting to shake out of nervousness. I wasn't completely sure of what I was supposed to expect.

"Are your eyes hazel?" I asked, staring at Matt's face curiously. He smiled slightly, it was an awkward, closed-lipped smile.

"A little," he responded in a tight voice. I wasn't sure why he was acting so nervous. It was just making me more anxious.

"That's crazy that they can get a reddish color to them," I replied, looking away from him then and at the road. It was pretty quiet... Matt wasn't even playing the radio. It was really too quiet for my liking so far. Maybe we shouldn’t have opted for an out of town date. 

"You excited to go to Seattle?" I piped up after a long silence. It felt like this was going to be a rather terrible date. I was going to try though. I had to, after all.

"Not really," Matt answered after a moment, "I'm more excited about spending the whole day with you." My stomach flip-flopped, and I felt my face redden. Well, that was a line I hadn’t not been expecting to be served. It definitely gave him some bonus points for sure. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

"O-oh..." I murmured, pressing my hands to my cheeks. The conversation fell dead again after that. I was too embarrassed to say anything, and I assumed the feeling was mutual since Matt wasn't saying much either.

I stared out the window at the endless forestry, and I wondered why we had seen much of a change of scenery yet. It seemed rather curious to me. I frowned slightly, throwing a glance toward Matt. We had been driving for an hour and a half. We should be halfway to Seattle by then... However, I hadn't seen much other than trees...

"Um... We are going to Seattle, right?" I asked slowly. Matt didn't respond for a long moment, and I didn't even notice the car slowing down.

"No..." Matt sighed, looking at me. His eyes had turned completely red. I jumped in surprise. It was honestly a little scary... When had his eyes completely changed colors. I remembered pretty certainly that they were pretty much brown all the time. 

"I'm sorry, Maddie, but we were never going to Seattle. Or on a date, actually," Matt told me, and he had a very cruel smile on his face. I felt my heart rate speed up. What was he talking about? I hadn’t expected this sudden flip-flop of his personality at all. He had seemed completely normal up until now. He even flirted with me. 

"Wha-what are you talking about?" I asked slowly, my fingers searching for the doorhandle. The other found the seatbelt buckle. I needed to get out of here, out of the car. Maybe I could make a run for it, flag down a werewolf or something. 

"Well, I've got orders to turn you," Matt replied, nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders. I furrowed my eyebrows. What did that even mean? I was pretty sure people couldn’t be turned into werewolves, if I understood what Embry and Willow had told me.

"Turn me?" I questioned him, hoping it would distract him enough for me to attempt my escape. Matt burst into laughter, like the question was funny. His mirth implied that I was supposed to know more about this than I did. Jokes on him though, I really didn’t. 

Still, I took my chance.

I quickly threw my seatbelt open, popping the door open and throwing myself out of the moving vehicle. I cried out in pain when I landed. I attempted to roll, but I took a tree to the stomach and that knocked the wind out of me. I sucked in a painful breath as darkness engulfed my vision for a moment. I urged my body to recover from the shock faster. I had to move.

I heard the tires screech against the asphalt, and my vision returned, blurry, and I was rather disoriented and dizzy. I pushed up onto my feet, grappling the tree trunk, bark digging into the palms of my hands. I gasped, pulling air into my lungs. My legs were shaking beneath my weight. I was going to get no where in this state. I needed help. 

The sound of a car door slamming got me moving though. I sprinted into the forest as quickly as my shaking legs would take me. Pain splintered up through every part of me, but it was dulling and disappearing into the back of my mind with the adrenaline. 

I had a feeling that Matt was no longer the Matt that I knew, and perhaps that Matt never existed in the first place. Maybe it had all been some sort of game for him: the flirting and the friendship. If I wasn’t so terrified I would be feeling exceptionally betrayed. Twigs snapped under my sneakers that I was wildly thankful that I decided to wear over flats, and my ankles threatened to roll every other unsteady step through the undergrowth.

I was frozen in place by Matt appearing in front of me. He was grinning. I tumbled backward, falling onto my butt. I still attempted to skitter backward, coming in contact with yet another tree. I stared at Matt with wide eyes. How did he get in front of me so quickly? I thought I had managed to get some amount of distance between us. 

"Do you know what a vampire is, Maddie?" Matt asked, kneeling before me. He reached down to lift one of my bloodied hands. He brought the palm to his lips, dragging his tongue across the dirty, bleeding cuts. I choked on a gasp of pain. Matt grinned against my skin, breathing in the scent. I was petrified. I didn't know what to do. My whole body wouldn't listen to me. No matter how much I screamed at it to move , to get away . I didn't want him near me anymore, and yet I remained there, petrified.

"You will," Matt told me, "You're going to be one." He climbed over me, his lips coming close to my neck. He was so cold, and I didn't feel a single breath touch my skin. Nor did I hear him breathe. It made my blood run cold. I couldn't even close my eyes. It was my terrible fate to watch him murder me.

“I just became one myself,” he whispered to me conspiratorially, “And now I get to turn you for my sire.” I felt wild with fear. I wanted to push him away or something, but I was still so painfully still. Was this some sort of vampiric power he had over me, or was I really so unlucky as to get the freeze response? I’d be disappointed with myself if I wasn’t seconds away from death.

He bit me, and I wanted to scream. I really, really did. It was so painful. The pain consumed my mind, and I could no longer think of anything else. It burned through me, and I wanted it to stop. I clawed at the source, and finally, let out a scream as my mind was consumed by this fire.

I wanted someone to save me, so desperately. I begged and begged for someone to come and make this all stop, to make the pain go away. To please, please kill me and end this suffering. I couldn't stand existing anymore. I wanted to escape reality. I wanted to be anywhere except with myself, and I had never wanted anything more in my life.

And if I woke up with red eyes, I would kill myself. There was no pain like this one. I was sure I could do it with ease. I wouldn't want to be anything other than myself. A human. I wanted to remain alive. I couldn't drink blood. I couldn't. I was going to die. I was going to die... I was dying, and I was terrified. I wanted so badly to live.

"You're so fragile..." I could hear someone whisper in my ear, "So soft... So warm and weak." My life was the fire though, and very soon it disappeared into just the darkness, and this unbearable pain. I wanted to die.

I woke up shivering, shaking and freezing to death. It was so fucking cold. Why was it cold? I couldn't see either. All there was, was darkness. I was frightened. I struggled to move my arms, but I couldn't seem to find them. My heart filled with fear until I felt them move and press against my eyes. My fingers were met with a soft fabric. I let out a soft sigh. Maybe I wasn't blind.

"You're awake!" a familiar voice spoke. I wasn't sure who it was. I searched through my memory, but it was jumbled, and I felt so confused and disoriented that I couldn't concentrate enough to figure out who was speaking to me. It was a comforting voice though, and they sounded happy that I was awake.

"How are you feeling?"

Chapter Text

I swallowed, wriggling in the bed and pushing myself into a sitting position. I felt lopsided, and didn't know why. I sat still for a moment, then moved to remove the bandages on my eyes.

"Wait!" The voice cried out, but it was too late. Light filled my eyes, and it burned a little bit. I curled into myself slightly, squeezing my eyes shut at the same time. I blinked several times until my eyes finally adjusted, focusing on the bandages in my hands. I tightened my fingers around them with a frown on my face. At least I was able to see…

I turned slowly to where the voice had come from moments ago. I practically jumped in surprise when I realized who it was, "M-mom?" I spoke in a voice that did not sound much like my own, and I was a bit confused. I reached up with one hand to cover my mouth. It had been a while since I had heard her voice, but I was surprised that I hadn't realized it was her the moment I heard it. She smiled at me.

"Good morning, pumpkin," my mom said in a gentle tone. She reached forward to grab my hand, and I found myself retracting the moment she did. I felt a bit wary.

"Where's Dad? Or Bella?" I asked, curling my limbs in closer to myself. She sighed, placing her hand back into her lap where it belonged. I stared at her expectantly.

"They're in Forks," she answered after a long moment. I furrowed my eyebrows, looking around the room with a frown on my face. I was in a hospital, I could tell that much. It looked scarily pristine, and I had never really liked hospitals to begin with. I wanted to leave.

"If they're in Forks, then where are we?" I inquired, feeling disoriented and confused now. I shouldn't have left Forks… that was where I was attacked. It just didn't make any sense. I could feel my stomach twisting. I slowly looked back over at my mom, who looked like she was about to give me the greatest news of my life. I had a feeling we were not going to see eye-to-eye in this aspect.

"In Florida!" she responded with far too much enthusiasm, "I thought it would be good for you to come here and start living with me again once you woke up. I'm sure you and Phil will get along wonderfully too. You know, he makes the best lasagna… You still love lasagna, right?" She was trying very hard to convince me of her opinion. I merely felt my heart sink further. I looked away from her then.

"Oh…" I said in a soft voice. I didn't know how to react. I had thought about doing this a lot, moving back in with my mother. It was the running away from reality solution, but now that it had been made for me as opposed to of my own volition, I felt rather upset. Even if I had wanted to leave Forks, I didn't want someone to just take me from there without me being able to say my "so long"s and "farewell"s.

"After you were attacked…" my mother started up nervously, "You became very ill. You had a raging fever that broke twice, only to come right back, and you would shake and cry out in the most miserable ways. One doctor told me I was going to… to… to lose you!" She had tears in her eyes now. It must have been very stressful for her. I looked down at the pale, tile floor.

"One doctor mentioned warmer weather might help, and since you have always had such a weak constitution, I couldn't ignore his advice. After a week, I started thinking you might never wake up again… I'm so glad," she smiled at me and dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. I didn't know what to say. I curled my arms around myself, and that was when I noticed the bandages on my upper arm. I stared at the clean wrappings. I couldn't feel any warmth beneath them. I couldn't stop staring.

"How long was I…?" I began, but I wasn't entirely sure how I was supposed to phrase the question. I ran my fingers up and down the wrappings idly, wondering what I looked like beneath them. Were there loud, angry and red scars littering my skin now, or were they paler, blending into the rest of my skin? Did they look horrible, like some beast tried to tear me apart? I wondered…

"It's been almost three weeks," she answered, staring at her hands for a moment before she looked back up at me, smiling once again. Tears had stained her face, and I noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes then. Her eyes looked a bit swollen too, probably from all the crying she had been doing. My mom looked much older than I remembered…

"I-" I opened my mouth, but my mother shook her head quickly.

"I can't let you go back there. Not after this. It's too dangerous, and I couldn't bear it if you got hurt again, or…" my mom swallowed tightly, wringing her hands. I didn't say anything, and merely stared at her. I didn't feel a thing. I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there. As if all of this wasn't actually happening to me, but someone else. I felt like I was in some stranger's body, and I didn't know what to do.

When I finally left the hospital, my mom moved me into the spare bedroom at her house. The whole room was so unfamiliar. I didn't like it. It wasn't like my bedroom in Phoenix that held all my childhood eccentricities, and it definitely wasn't my room in Forks that held all of the personality I had had before… No, this room was empty and pale blue. It made me feel like I had been estranged from not only home but myself.

I laid down on the bed in the middle of the room, and stared at the blank ceiling for a long time, wordlessly. I didn't feel like myself anymore. I moved my hands out in front of my face and stared at them. I moved my fingers, wiggled them, and it all felt so strange. So surreal. I didn't know what to do with this existence that I had. I was alive, I merely was .

Phil helped me bring in a few things that Charlie had sent me. It was things that he thought I might like to keep. He and Bella hadn't missed a thing that I considered a necessity. The packages also included several letters from Willow, and a "get well soon!" card from Charlie and Bella. That one made me smile. The little wolves were a nice touch too.

Willow's first letter was completely unreadable, all smeared with ink and tears. I got about three words from three entirely different paragraphs out of it. Not to mention that Willow's handwriting was already rather terrible. The next one was far more legible, and it just said that I was still going to be a senior even though I missed the last couple weeks of school. I figured as much though. The letter made me smile.

The third one was a "get well soon" card that she and Embry had signed. The two were my favorite pair of people, and I wondered what was going on in Forks, especially with her and all the werewolf stuff. She had to be lonely there. I had been her best friend, after all. I stared at each of her letters for a long time. They made me feel like myself again, but I had a feeling I wasn't quite ready to call her yet.

I crawled into bed, curling into myself and starting to cry. I felt so strange at home with my mom and Phil. It didn't feel like home. It felt more like a prison that I was trapped in. All of me wanted to leave, but I didn't have the strength to fight back against their decision because maybe they were right.

Later, I decided to call Willow. I slunk out into the kitchen and grabbed the phone off the charger, quickly typing Willow's number in and calling. It took two rings for Willow to answer, and at that point I was already drowning in anxiety. Maybe she'd forgotten about me… or I was just exaggerating my importance to her…

"Hello?" I heard Willow say, and it was a giant relief just to hear her voice.

"Hi, Willow," I said softly. My hands were shaking. I was scared that she wouldn't recognize my voice, or that she wouldn't want to talk to me.

There was a long pause.

"...Maddie?" Willow asked in a nervous way, and I felt my stomach twist itself into knots.

"Uh huh," I nodded, clutching the phone tightly.

"Maddie!" Willow cheered with such joy that all of my anxieties were just blown away. I felt a grin spread across my face, "When are you coming back? I need to see you with my own two eyes to make sure you're in perfect condition."

"I…" I felt myself choke on my own words, "I don't know." I knew then just how desperately I missed her, and also what a big part of my life she was. I needed my best friend in my life, and hopefully she felt the same.

"What are you talking about? You are coming back to Forks, right?" Willow asked in a tiny voice. I swallowed, feeling the bite of tears at the edge of my eyes. I didn't know what to say. Every part of me wanted to lie and say "of course", but I just didn't know… I wasn't even sure if my mom would even allow me to consider the idea of going back.

"I don't know," I responded. The silence that followed this answer didn't make me feel any better about the situation.

"But… you've got to come back," Willow replied, her voice trembling, "I need my best friend." I stared at the floor, the walls, the ceiling, everything, and I couldn't find an answer anywhere in my surroundings. What was I supposed to say?

"I'm not sure if I'm even allowed to…" I said slowly, "My mom was pretty hysterical about this. Honestly, she still is. She thinks Forks is cursed…" I felt so small and powerless here. My mom controlled almost every aspect of my life currently, and on my own, I could barely operate. I had covered most of the mirrors because I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. The scars on my neck, ear and cheek were all I could see sometimes. My left side looked as if I had been maimed, horribly. I couldn't feel a lot of things with my left hand too.

"She can't stop you from visiting your dad, Maddie," Willow told me. I sighed, touching my neck with my free hand, hiding what I could of the scars.

"I'll try," I promised.

"That's all I can ask for," Willow responded. She waited a moment before adding, "I miss you." I blinked back my surprise, feeling myself warm with happiness.

"I miss you too," I sniveled. I felt like I was going to cry. Willow laughed on the other end.

"Don't cry, Maddie… You're going to make me cry," she chuckled, and I could tell she was already crying. We talked for a little while longer on the phone. I enjoyed every moment of our conversation, but afterwards, I felt so terribly exhausted. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't even entirely sure what to make of our whole predicament. I did want to go back to Forks, but there was a big difference between what I wanted and what I could actually have, and that was what really sucked about it all.

" Mrrow ?" I felt something rub against my leg, and I looked down to see a happy looking and fuzzy as hell tabby cat. I smiled slightly, reaching down to scoop her up in my arms. I hugged Cookie to me, breathing in her kitty smell and taking such comfort in the overall warmth of the tiny cat. Cookie just purred and purred in response, smiling up at me the whole time. She was such a gift, a blessing. I loved her so much. She was my precious cinnamon roll, and I would hold her until the end of time if that was what she wanted.

I never knew how much I missed cats.

I woke with a start, panting. It was still dark outside. I felt like I had seen the most horrible thing in the whole world, and yet I couldn't remember a single detail of the dream. I curled into my pillow, trying to hide from the terrors of my mind as I began to cry.

Chapter Text

"I want to go back to Forks," I said, staring holes into Phil, who just so happened to be the poor victim sitting across from me. He smiled slightly in response.

"Why?" my mom immediately asked with a note of distress in her voice, "Charlie said that you thought about moving here more than once." I sighed. It was just like her to completely miss the point that I was endeavoring to convey.

"I never did though, now did I?" I responded with far more sass than was called for. Phil was frowning now, in that disapproving way that parents do. My mom merely looked at me with a very badly concealed sadness.

"No…" she paused for a moment, looking down at her fork as she poked at her food with it, "We only did it because we thought it would be for the best. You would be home ." This was becoming increasingly difficult to bring up, and I had backed down before when she acted like this. I couldn't let that happen again.

"Forks is my home now," I replied in a firm tone, "I've never been to this house before, never lived in Florida before… I have friends in Forks, and I certainly do not have them here. I don't want to start over all over again ." I felt frustrated. My hands balled into fists around my silverware. There were tears in my eyes, and I couldn't understand why. Why was I unable to keep a grasp on my emotions?

"Don't cry, Mads… You can start taking ballet again, make new friends... " my mom began, attempting to comfort me with pretty words. It wasn't working, "And you'll have me too, pumpkin."

"I don't want that. I never liked ballet, and I certainly don't want to make new friends. I want my current friends. I want to graduate with the people I know!" I snapped, rising out of my chair. I stormed off not moments later.

After I calmed down a bit, I wandered out to apologize for my actions. Phil took it upon himself to sit me down and chat with me about how much my mom would talk about Bella and me, how much she loved and missed us. I know that his intentions were to merely make me think about my mom's side of the story, but he only succeeded in making me feel incredibly guilty. I frowned at my hands and didn't participate much in the conversation at first.

Then Cookie placed herself in my lap with the expectation of attention and provided just enough distraction for me. She purred loudly, blinking at Phil who was staring at me and waiting for me to say something. It was terribly awkward, and I was having a hard time looking at him.

"I…" I swallowed, finding it difficult to say this with all the self-loathing and guilt I was feeling at that moment. It would have been easier if I was self-absorbed and didn't already plague my thoughts with the same things that Phil was making increasingly apparent to me, "I can't stay here... I'll be miserable, and honestly, I don't think that will make either of us happy." Phil adjusted his leg on the coffee table. His cast was covered with scribbled names, probably from all the boys on his little league team, whom he was very proud of.

"Why do you think that?" he asked, and I couldn't say I was surprised by the question.

"I'll graduate with a bunch of acquaintances. I'll know them, but I won't have any lasting or particularly good friendships with anyone. I may not even like anyone in my classes, and I really, really miss Forks," I replied, stroking Cookie gently and frowning deeply. I felt like I was repeating myself at this point, and perhaps I just didn't have a very strong argument.

"You can't say you can't do something before you even give it a chance," Phil pointed out in a very fatherly way that stone-walled me. I didn't know what to say. Part of me was rather appalled by that point. I was growing to dislike my stepfather because of this conversation. It was like he wasn't listening to my opinion at all. He just wasn't getting it. Just like how my mom didn't get it. It wasn't just the friends… It was also Charlie. I had bonded with him, and he felt like more of a parent than my mom did, as terrible as that was to say. But, Charlie listened to me and helped me through some especially hard times that I don't think either Phil or my mom would even know how to begin to handle.

"I know what I would prefer. If I have no desire to try something, being forced to go through it anyway because of guilt and parental power is certainly not going to make it any better. Maybe you and my mom could try listening to the words that come out of my mouth as opposed to telling me what you want or you'd prefer," I snapped, scaring Cookie who promptly leaped from my lap and stalked elsewhere.

Phil's face turned bright red, and he looked like he was about to say something to me, but he didn't. I knew I had crossed a line there with my words, so I stood and left the room. He couldn't convince me that I didn't want to go to Forks. It was like trying to climb infinite stairs: it's impossible to get to the top.

Later, while Phil was off at work, my mom sat me down in the kitchen. She had piled several things on the table that I was familiar with her usual occult go-tos. There were also a couple of books that I hadn’t seen before on the table. 

“There is more to why I don’t want you to go back to Forks,” my mom started, sliding into a seat across from me, “And I think you’ve recovered enough for us to talk about this.” 

“What do you mean, Mom?” 

I was confused. I assumed from the array of things that she arranged on the table she was going to try and bless me or something again, but now that was starting to not look like the case. Was there actually more to all of this stuff that our mom did? I had always assumed it was just a quirk of hers or something. 

“Well,” my mom sighed, considering her words carefully, “I am not fully human. I’m only half, on my father’s side. My other half is fae, and children of fae are always at least half-blooded. The fae blood is stronger or something; your grandmother would explain it better.” My mom looked wistfully over at the black and white photo of her mother that she always kept dried lavender by since my grandma passed away. 

More than anything I was just speechless. A part of me thought my mom might be joking or something, but I knew about werewolves, so who was I to say that there weren’t more magical creatures lurking about that we weren’t aware of? But fae ? Weren’t they supposed to be evil tricksters or something, according to the lore? Though that was also true for werewolves, so maybe not?

“When Bella was born, I sealed away her powers. I hadn’t told Charlie about these things, and well, Forks enhances our fae abilities, since it was once where many of us had lived, and the forest is old. That can be hard on a baby with no ability to control their abilities, and well, I didn’t want to have to explain why some of Bella’s toys suddenly became immovable objects.” My mom said this all with a sigh, fingers pressing against her head. I could tell she was very much reliving those tough days of her and Charlie’s short marriage. I wondered if that was part of why it didn’t work out, keeping all those secrets had to be hard on her and their relationship, and it wasn’t like our mom had dated much until the both of us were a lot older. For most of our childhood, we had actually lived with both our mom and grandma keeping a close eye on the two of us. 

“But when you came along, well... I needed help,” my mom continued, “Your abilities were stronger than mine, but my mother and I somehow managed to seal them. Before then it was, very difficult. You wouldn’t cry or anything, fully off in the realm of the fae or something, as my mother liked to call it.” 

“Fully off in the realm of fae? What does that even mean?” I asked in confusion, and my mom looked just as unsure as I was beginning to feel.

“Well... I’m not really sure. My powers weren’t ever all that strong, much like Bella’s. I’ve got a bit of clairvoyance which makes for a good side hustle as a fortune teller when funds get tight, but they’re not anything too amazing. Your grandmother was the powerful one, and I wish she was still here to teach you. However, you’re just going to have to make do with just me for now.” 

My mother grinned at me gently, and I was really feeling more than just a little bit overwhelmed. She began shuffling some tarot cards idly. 

“The point is: it wouldn't be good for you to be back in Forks right now. You need to have some grasp on your powers so you don't blink out of existence once you're back there. Magic is a fickle thing that can help as much as it hurts, and you need to be careful with it.”

“Um, so we’re uh, half-fae?” I asked, trying to sort all of my questions out. I still wasn’t sure if I could even believe all of this. I was confused and a little bit overwhelmed, but also a bit frightened by what Renèe had just said.

“Well, I am. I believe you’re just fae now after the... you know,” my mom replied, her face falling slightly, “Do you know what exactly happened to you, Mads?” From my mother’s expression, it didn’t seem like she knew either. All I could really remember was the red eyes and that it was someone. I hadn’t disclosed that to the police when they spoke to me though because my mom had told me the doctors said it was an animal of some kind, and I was honestly more muddled up then than I am.

“I know... someone did,” I started slowly, and my mom’s eyes widened in alarm. 

“You remember it?” She looked horrified to have this information. She stood suddenly, muttering to herself and pouring two cups of tea. She set a cup down in front of me before sitting back down with her own steaming cup. My mom sighed softly after taking a sip. The tea had a soft, flowery scent.

“The doctors said you probably wouldn’t remember much of it, and I had hoped...” my mom trailed off with a sad expression, “Would you like to forget it? It might be easier.”

I shook my head, a bit surprised by the offer, “No. I’ll, uh, be ok I think.” I took a sip of the tea and instantly felt calmer. I was beginning to realize that that was probably an intentional spell on my mother’s tea. 

“So what happened to my human part then?” I asked, drinking some more of the tea and enjoying the soothing effect it was having. I had been way more stressed out than I realized since I’d arrived home, “I mean, how did I just become fully a fae? Is that normal?” My mother swallowed hard, and her eyes were glassy.

“Whatever attacked you... it killed you, sweetheart.”

Chapter Text

“You lost a lot of blood, and there was something in your injuries that was burning whatever was left of it too-” I, however, was incapable of processing anything beyond the initial statement my mother had said. It killed you . I couldn't believe that. I was obviously still here, living and breathing. I could hear my heart beating in my chest. So how was that possible? What did “ it killed you ” even mean in this context?

This was so much further beyond what I'd expected from this conversation. Dying? That was, well, kind of a big deal. People don't just do that and get to live to tell the tale, no matter what kind of supernatural mumbo jumbo is going on in the background. Death is, or well was , a much more final thing.

"Wait-" I pushed away from the table to stand, and my teacup rattled against the table as I let go of it, tea sloshing onto the table, "I died?" I could hardly contain the shock in my voice. All of the calm I'd managed from the tea was instantly gone. 

Renée grimaced in response and let out an aggrieved sigh, leaning into her hands. She looked just as unhappy about this as I was feeling.

"I think... Whatever... attacked you," Renée started, considering her words, "Intended to turn you into a different supernatural creature. However, your fae blood won out. Your humanity is what passed away." Renée took another long inhale as she considered the next bit of her explanation. She didn't seem entirely certain of the details either, and I wondered if the doctors she'd taken me to were... supernatural in some form or another. Maybe fae? Like I was? Was I overestimating this? I was definitely beginning to feel beyond overwhelmed.

I could only stare at my mother wide-eyed. I slowly slid back to my seat, mouth hanging open. I didn't know what to do with this, myself or anything. So I just... sat back down.

"So technically... You didn't really die, but I'm not sure about the chance of you turning into something else. So we're going to call it a death," Renée said with a slightly squinted expression. She was clearly not enjoying trying to parse what happened, and I wasn't really enjoying hearing it. So I supposed that made two of us.

"...just for simplicity's sake," Renée ventured, glancing at me with a soft expression. She met my eyes with an expression that was so heartbreaking that I felt like I should look away. 

"I'm just glad you're still here. So I'm trying to not look the gift horse in the mouth too hard."

"Ok..." I said after a long pause, "Alright. I, um, ok. I, uh- So what's up with all the books then?" I felt embarrassed by my stilted response, not really sure what to say in response to all the sappy feelings my mom just wrested upon me. However, I was more than happy to use them as an excuse to change the subject. I didn't really want to think about it too much more, and my mom clearly didn't either.

Renée chuckled softly before answering me.

"It's your assigned reading. These will help you figure out the basics at the very least. I'll be taking some time off work to help teach it to you as well while you recover," Renée said. She motioned towards the colored sticky notes she left on each of the three stacks on the table. They were marked one, two, and three.

"We'll start with the stack under the one first, but I figured I could give them all to you together in case you get especially bored while you're at home all day." My mom smiled at me, scrunching her nose a little in amusement. She was clearly poking fun at my voracity for reading anything and everything I could get my hands on when I was younger. 

Still, I smiled slightly back. 

"Sounds good," I said, slowly standing to gather the books up. I already felt worn out by the conversation. Plus, I was fairly certain that my mom didn't have much else she was going to say.

I returned back to the room Renée had made up for me. It was full of old things I hadn't thought much about since I'd moved to Forks. My old ballet flats and pointe shoes sat on a shelf next to an assortment of children's books like they were bookends. The walls were painted a soft, baby blue, and the curtains were a sheer pink. It was a girly room, but not in a loud way. It honestly didn't look like a room that belonged to me. 

I set the stack of books next to the Strawberry iMac and fell into the cushioned, wood chair with a low groan. I was worn out to my very marrow. I settled my head into my crossed arms at the desk and stared through the curtains at the trees outside the window. 

The sun was bright outside. 

I woke up with a start. My face ached, and my skin felt tight. I rubbed at the bandages lightly, rising from the chair and feeling a slight ache in my back. I really couldn't have picked a worse place to pass out. I carefully rubbed cream onto my face and changed out the bandages, glancing out the dark window as I thought about what had happened earlier. My mother had been so serious, and with my knowledge of werewolves, this might as well also be true. 

Fae... I could hardly believe it. I had barely heard of them before, except on occasion from Renée herself. There was an old children’s book my mother and grandmother had read to me that included fae as well, but I didn’t remember much of it anymore. I did remember that most of my friends from school when I was younger hadn’t heard of the stories in it before though. That had been a bit of a culture shock for me and likely had been as well for them. The stories had been a fair bit more violent than the sanitized Brothers Grimm everyone else I had met was used to.

I plucked the first book off of the stack and read the title: History of the Fae . The book was old with yellowing pages and had a crisp smell of old paper. The title page had a handwritten message on it. The looping letters wrote:

Joan, Isn’t this so exciting? I heard from my relatives that it had finally been published and asked them to send me two copies, one for you and me. Let me know when you’ve read it! Love, Rosa

The book was printed with several dedications to authors and historians who helped put the book together. I glanced curiously through the pages to find the print date, 1942, and the printing company appeared to be a European one. It was old . The pages were well-worn, and I wondered if my mother had read it several times before passing it on to me. There were notes in the margins in tight cursive that I didn’t recognize, and I wondered who wrote them. I was assuming it was Joan, whoever she was.

I continued slowly flipping through the pages, glancing over essays and first-person accounts of certain events in the historical tapestry the book created when a particular essay had me frozen dead in my tracks. 

Vampires and Why a Fae Should be Wary.

I stared at the title. Something about the word vampire made my stomach roil with fear. A blurry memory of red eyes surfaced in my mind, and I wondered. Was this what attacked me? The essay went over the appearance of vampires in detail, mentioning eyes the color of blood. I felt a curl of fear winding in my stomach as I read. 

I tore my eyes away from the text for a moment to take a breath, suddenly realizing that I had been holding it in. I gasped to fill my lungs, staring at the darkened blue of the bedroom’s walls, but memories kept flashing to the front of my mind. I clutched the book tightly, terrified. 

I knew, somewhere, that the threat was no longer present, and that I was safe in the bedroom. I was in Florida - far, far away from the... vampire... that attacked me. However, getting the panic that seemed to have seized me to ease seemed a task tantamount to Sisyphus getting his boulder to the top of a hill. Impossible.

I swallowed tightly, putting another herculean effort into calming myself down.

Vampires .

Vampires. The words seemed right, which was strange, considering how little I knew. How could I be so certain? 

I slowly set the book back on the desk, wearily dragging myself over to the metal-framed twin bed. I collapsed onto the plush, floral-patterned sheets with a muffled groan. I could still feel the fear buzzing in my limbs, urging me to do something - anything - to relieve it. 

I curled up into a ball instead. 

I had been attacked by a vampire. I could hardly believe it. Had he wanted to turn me? Did he know I was fae, like the essay discussed? The whole thing was rubbing me the wrong way. I didn’t have the mental energy to parse it all though. 

I squeezed my eyes shut. The feeling that the attack on me hadn’t been just some sort of one-off thing hung heavy over me. Maybe I was just catastrophizing, but a niggling feeling in the pit of my stomach insisted I wasn’t. I was terrified by the prospect.

I curled up tighter. Sleep. I needed to sleep. That would ease all of this, smoothing out all of the anxious wrinkles. Then I could think about it all with a clear head in the morning.

Yes, Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Sleep.

Everything would be clearer in the morning.

Chapter Text

Vampires and Why a Fae Should Be Wary

An excerpt of an essay written by Oliveria Pasha, translated by Ilay Adanir

Every fae used to know the tale, but now I fear it falls into the past, and I am inclined to do what I can to preserve the knowledge now as our homes are ravaged and our people are separated in the name of conquering and domination. 

As our people dwindle in number, the strength of the vampyrs grows. We are their direct adversaries as the children of the fae. Our extinction is something they can only delight in. I have now known a fae of a weak bloodline to have been tricked by a vampyr with pretty words of love, and now she is no longer a child of the fae. Her powers diminished and her bloodline sullied by the eternal life and violence that she now must partake in. Only a fae with strong faerie blood can resist the turning and even she can only resist it so many times. So, I am determined to extoll the old tale so that I may not see such a vile thing happen again.

Vampyrs are not natural beings. They were created by violence and cursed to forevermore commit violence against other beings to sustain their own misshapen bodies. The first vampyr was a man named Solak Bey. He was renowned as a great commander and then disappears from human history after he turned. The thing that they forgot to record was how he gained his power.

Solak Bey was a vile man. However, he did not see himself this way. He called himself a King and a Conqueror. He led an attack on the faerie people in his land with the cause of protecting his human denizens, killing many of the faeries that resided in the lush forests that were maintained by the faeries’ magic. However, he did not stop just at slaughtering the people. When he came upon the Faerie Queen, who offered her life for the sake of the faerie that still lived, he killed her in front of all the horrified faeries, drinking her blood under the belief that her great power would become his own. 

However, Solak Bey was incorrect in that ill-conceived assumption. He was cursed instead to wander for the Earth for all of eternity, hungry for more and more blood. The Faerie Queen’s blood sent him into a frenzy, his blood now full of fire, and he slaughtered the rest of the faeries to quench his new thirst. The taste of the faerie kind is the sweetest to a vampyr. 

After this genocide of the local faeries, the land grew barren. The forests quickly withered away, and the surviving faerie kind fled to safer lands in terror of the newly borne being that hungered and hungered for their blood. Solak Bey slaughtered a great many humans and faeries in his life before he was killed by a powerful unicorn. We do not know how many vampyrs he sired, and the tale of his crimes appears lost to all of time. 

I hope that it does not disappear. I do not wish for the children of the fae to forget. They must remember the scourge of Solak Bey and his children. We must remember the crimes they committed to obtain their power. 

(The end of the document is marked with Oliveria Pasha’s unique magical signature, verifying the contents as the truth.) 

Excerpt from The History of the Fae, compiled by Sun-hui Park. 

Chapter Text

It was hot outside, and I squinted up at the sky. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be under a sweltering sun in the middle of a far too fast-approaching summer. Renée and Phil had dragged me out of the house for a “beach day”, and had said something along the lines about it being “good to get out of the house and get some fresh air sometimes”. I grimaced, curling my arms around my stomach. The sun already had my skin tingling uncomfortably despite the fact that I’d meticulously applied sunscreen not long before we left the house.

Apparently, it was a beach day for Phil’s whole little league team, and all the parents were gathered along the beach with a gaggle of screaming kids. I plodded over to Renée and sat with her under the umbrella Phil had put up for her before wandering off.

“I know this isn’t your usual idea of a good time,” Renée sympathized with a soft smile. Her eyes were covered by cat-eye sunglasses, and she wore a wide-brimmed, cream-colored sunhat. The sun made her skin glow a warm brown, and I suddenly noticed how much lighter my skin was in comparison than I remembered. 

“I don’t really like the sand, no,” I replied, tucking my knees up under me. My mom chuckled softly in response.

“I seem to remember you finding it great fun when you were five or six,” she said. I shook my head slightly in response.

“I got older,” I responded. 

“Well, that’s too bad. I miss your youthful enthusiasm,” she said with a wistful sigh. I didn’t respond. Instead, my mind wandered back to the books that I’d been reading over the past few days. 

While I was here in Florida, I was missing the last month of school. Both Renée and Charlie had assured me that it’d been all worked out with the school and that I was cleared to start as a senior no matter where I decided to go in the fall. This wasn’t much of a relief though. I didn’t want my options to be open. I was still dead set on returning to Forks. 

Still, this wasn’t really the best time to resume that particular argument. So my thoughts turned back to the gold embossed History of the Fae and the particular thought that had been haunting me for the past couple of days.

“Mom?” Renée looked over at me with a curious arch of her brow.

“Yes, Maddie?” she asked with a quirk of a smile on her lips. I knew I had her attention already, and that she was poking lighthearted fun at this. However, I was trying to be serious. I had pretended everything was normal and fine for enough days now while I processed my first read through the book. It had been a lot to take in, after all. I was a full-blooded fae now, and apparently, that meant something. It seemed like a big deal if I was being completely honest. From my understanding, there probably weren’t too many of those just wandering about.

“Have you ever met a vampire?” I asked, innocently enough. I had not expected the alarmed expression that crossed my mom’s face at the final word of my sentence. She moved forward instantly, grasping at my forearms. Her sunglasses slid down with the movement, and I could see the pale blue of her eyes as she looked seriously at me.

“Maddie,” she said, her tone as grave as the dead, “Vampires are not an idle topic. Are you asking me for a particular reason?” She paused for a moment, gauging my expression. I honestly had no clue what the look on my face was, however. I was mostly just startled, maybe a little bit terrified. Also, I was remembering, and that was an event I took seriously enough.

“Have you met one?” she asked with uncanny certainty. It was as if she knew the answer already. I considered what I should say next, and Renée continued to look over me intensely. The warmth of the sun had all but faded away from my consciousness. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought this up here. 

“I...” I swallowed around my words, not even sure how to begin. My thoughts were everywhere, and I kept remembering the red of his eyes. I could feel myself tensing under my mother’s firm grip. It wasn’t painful, but I wished it was more reassuring than arresting. 

“Is that what attacked you?”

I felt myself nod tightly, and Renée’s grip on me loosened. Her eyes were wide.

“Oh, Maddie...” she said softly, giving my arms a gentle squeeze. Renée looked like she was slowly processing the levity of what I had just admitted. Her facial expression slowly grew paler and paler. 

“Bella!” she gasped suddenly, looking at me, “If they found you, they’ll find her. I need to get her to come to Florida for the summer at least. She’ll be safer here. Both of you will be.” Renée was digging through her purse in a rush, towels and other loose items spilled out into the sand. 

“I don’t think she’ll want to,” I said slowly, starting to come back to myself. I shivered despite the heat. My mother looked at me in surprise.

“Why ever would she not? ” she asked, and I frowned slightly.

“She has a boyfriend there.” I left the statement at that, not really wanting to get into the several months where she acted like a puppet with its strings cut when they’d called things off the second time. The first time she ran off to Phoenix to “get away from it all”. Their relationship has been messy, to say the least. 

“I’m not telling her to break up with him,” Renée said as if that changed anything, “Maybe I should just try to get her to come down for the summer or something then.” She seemed to pick up something from the flat look I gave her. I hoped Bella’s therapy had been going well. I suddenly realized that my accident could’ve really thrown a wrench in things. I was never going to date again. This was clearly a sign I was better off alone. 

I reached up a hand to touch the tight skin on my face absentmindedly. I hadn’t really gotten much of a look at the damage. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. I was scared of what I might look like. As long as I didn’t look, I could pretend everything was the same as I remembered. It didn’t feel too much different under my fingers; I pretended as I ran my finger over each divot again and again. 

“Maddie, don’t aggravate it,” Renée reprimanded me suddenly, taking my hand in hers and holding onto it so I didn’t touch my face again. The worst of the damage, on my neck and shoulder, was still wrapped with bandages. 

Renée had fished her phone out of her large, wicker bag and was punching in Bella’s number. I watched her silently, feeling a bit childish with her holding my hand like she was. Still, it was comforting.

Much to my surprise, my mother managed to rope Bella into coming to visit. She had mentioned me and my recovery probably to help grease the wheels, but it still managed to feel like I was watching her unveil some sort of grand magic trick. Maybe our mother held a bit more power than she was leading on.

Renée’s phone snapped closed with a quiet snick, and she turned to grin at me. 

“Now that that’s settled,” she said, “We can talk a little more about your reading.” I swallowed, attempting a smile back, and Renée squeezed my hand encouragingly. I decided to set the topic of vampires aside for now. The topic seemed like a charged one that we probably shouldn’t be having in public.

“It was interesting, although it did talk about magic in an abstract way. I think a couple of times it mentioned things like a seer or that someone was particularly powerful,” I started, trying to string together my thoughts. I felt like I was going to have to read the book more than once to really get everything in it. It had been a lot of information all at once. Especially learning that it was all real, nonfiction information. 

“Is there a difference between magics or something?” I asked, finally getting around to the question I was attempting to ask. Renée nodded slightly in understanding, pursing her lips in thought. 

“Hm,” Renée said, “That’s a good question. I never really dug too deep into the community since my powers are weak, and I’ve since moved away from California where I grew up.” Renée tapped her fingers on her free hand against a lightly freckled thigh. 

“From what I can remember though, there are several different strengths of magic, or maybe, focus is a better word for it,” she continued, “So, for our family, our specialty lies in clairvoyance and protection. Hence why your sister would make toys immovable as a baby.” 

“Is that why you always seem to know if I’m hiding something?” I asked with sudden clarity. I squinted at Renée in suspicion, and she chuckled in amusement.

“It helps, but children aren’t as good at hiding things as they think they are either,” Renée replied. There was a gentle smile on her face now and a relaxed slope to her posture. It was a relief to see. 

“I can show you a little bit about how to evoke it intentionally when we get home,” Renée continued, “It takes a bit of work, but I imagine you’ll have an easier time with it than I ever have now.” I nodded slightly.

“And start reading the grimoire too. It has more practical information that you’ll be interested in. Part of it was written by your grandmother.” Renée had a wistful expression on her face again, likely thinking about her mother. I didn’t remember much about her. Just that she was kind and often smelled of spice.

Chapter Text

I woke up suddenly, struggling for air in a room I still hardly recognized as familiar. This was becoming a somewhat routine occurrence since I had woken up in Florida and not my room back in Forks. 

As I struggled to steady my breath and calm down, I moved over to the window and pushed it open. The warm night arm surprised me more than I expected it to, and I winced in response. My heart was still hammering in my chest, and I swallowed around the tight coil in my chest wishing I knew how to ease my nightmares. Ever since I’d woken up from... it had been hard to sleep. I was battling for it more than I ever had before. I curled up against the window sill in a cushioned chair and just listened to the distant waves crashing and breathing in the acrid, salty air.

I tucked my trembling hands between my knees and my chest and just tried to breathe. I wanted to go home more than anything, and I felt like being here wasn’t much comfort at all despite the fact that I was still recovering from my injuries. 

The sheer curtains blew with a warm gust of wind, and I suddenly felt like I heard some sort of howling? I stuck my head out the window, the breeze pushing my hair back off of my face as I looked around the open sand and at the neighboring, colorful beach houses, half convinced I was going to see a wolf amongst the columns. It was a bit insane of me to think that Jacob or anyone might be nearby keeping me safe, obviously he was back in Forks, right?

I sat back down in the chair with a sigh and pressed my hands to my face with a heavy sigh. Even if it was a trick of my own mind, the howl had calmed me down considerably. It also had me thinking back to the last time I had spoken with Jacob. He had told me not to go on the date or out by myself, implying that something was dangerous... had he known this might happen? I groaned softly to myself. He was probably so mad that I lied to him then and went anyway and that he had known it would happen if I did. How had he known ...

I blinked in confusion at the blank in my memory. What had I been doing that day? Who was I with ? I pressed my fingers against my scalp, rubbing as if that would clear away the sudden confusion. I had a dodgy memory of the event itself, but it looked like that extended to most of the day in its entirety.

A soft tap at my door. I looked up, jumping in surprise. One of my hands twisted tightly into the soft cotton of my shirt. 

“Maddie, sweetheart?” My mother’s voice spoke through the panel door softly.

“Ye-yes?” Another warm gust of wind billowed into the room as Renée opened up the door. She was in a pale green, frilly nightdress, and her eyes were blinking through sleep still.

“I just thought I should check in on you,” Renée said, smiling gently at me, “I woke up to a noise, I think.”

“I’m ok, Mom,” I replied, and she nodded her head easily in response. She started to turn to head back to her and Phil’s room, but she paused for a moment to look back at me.

“Try to get some sleep, ok, honey?” I nodded in response, not really wanting to talk anymore. Renée closed the door gently, and I heard her shuffling back down the hallway, something that I hadn’t noticed earlier. I glanced back outside at the sky through the tall palm trees

I woke up the next morning in the armchair that Renée had found me in in the middle of the night. My room felt less cozily warm with night air, and more sweltering with heat. I shut the window with a grimace and pulled at my damp clothes. I really should have at least closed the window before falling asleep there.

It was nothing a nice shower couldn’t fix though. I figured Renée had some more fae stuff she wanted to go over with me, but there were also other things I wanted to make sure I got to, like, calling Charlie, who I hadn’t really gotten much chance to speak to what with the doctor’s appointments, the revelations about our family history with Renée, and our unfinished armistice over where I was going to be spending my senior year. 

I tied my hair in a cotton shirt to dry, dressed, and padded out of the room to find the house phone. My cellphone had not made it all the way to Florida, at least, as far as I was aware. Renée could very well be keeping it from me as a bid to keep me from going out without her and safe at home. Not that I would blame her exactly for that, but I would rather like to have a phone. At least to be able to text my friends. Though, I was still able to email Willow since I had a whole computer in my room, I guess.

I found a tall, white phone with luminescent, chartreuse buttons. Next to it was Renée’s personal, handwritten phone book that I felt certain I would be able to find my dad’s number in. I debated going through it for maybe a second before I began flipping through the pages and finding one Charlie Swan and two phone numbers easily enough.

Without a second thought, I punched in the number and called. My mom couldn’t be mad at me for wanting to at least talk to the family I was currently separated from. I listened to the line ring, biting my lower lip, and a little afraid that Charlie was going to be unavailable. The tightness in my shoulders eased when the ringing stopped, and I heard him speak.

“Hello, Swan Residence,” Charlie said in a stiff, professional tone that told me he had either not glanced at the caller id or had never been called from Renée’s house phone before. I smiled slightly to myself.

"Hi, Dad… How are you?" I asked, leaning my face into the cool plastic of the receiver. It was so hot outside that I was still sweating while I was standing in the air conditioning. The shower had not done much to cool me down, and I was beginning to wonder how I survived all the hot summers of my life before I moved in with my dad.

“Oh, Maddie,” Charlie sounded slightly startled to hear me speak, “How are you doing? Are you feeling ok? Are you out of the hospital now, kiddo?” I felt my lips tug with a smile as all his worries started spilling over the moment he knew it was me. My chest felt tight with the feeling.

“Uh huh, Mom’s got me back at her home now. She wants me to stay here with her... but um, I’m doing well. Up and moving around at least,” I answered, fingers tightening around the plastic.

“That’s good,” Charlie said, letting out a loud sigh, “I’m glad you’re out of the hospital now and recovering. It was... very touch and go there for a while. But, Maddie, how are you feeling? Do you want to stay there with Renée?” I blinked back my surprise at him seeing right through me. I hadn’t expected it to be so easy for him to read, especially over the phone. It was making me miss him even more fiercely than I already was.

“I’ve been better,” I said with a small frown, tracing shapes into the marble countertop, “I miss home. I don’t want to stay here, but I don’t think I can get out of at least spending the summer here.” Charlie heaved a large sigh in response.

“Well, bud, I can’t say I disagree with her,” Charlie began, and I felt a pit form in my stomach. Did he not want me to stay with him anymore? 

“You were attacked by a rabid animal. We’ve been having so many attacks here lately, and you’re lucky you even survived. Most people we’ve found have already been dead by the time we got to them.” I could tell Charlie was running a hand through his graying hair as he thought about how best to explain his and Renée’s position on the matter.

“Until the problem is dealt with... It might be better for you to stay there and recover where both of us know you’re safe. You wander out on your own all the time Maddie, and this time just proved that you can’t do that anymore. We have all kinds of wild animals out in the forest here, Maddie, and it’s just not safe,” Charlie continued on. I swallowed tightly as he spoke.

“I-I could promise not to go out by myself,” I started to interrupt, not wanting to keep being told that I couldn’t stay with him anymore. I had never really thought about how my independent behavior had affected Charlie. Did he worry about me a lot more than I realized? Was I as much of a burden to him as I often raged at Bella for being? My stomach turned with anxiety at the thought. I had been convinced that I was so much more capable than Bella, but we were both teenagers. So maybe I had been deluding myself?

“That would be a good start,” Charlie conceded, “But I also think it would be good for you to stay with Renée for a while. Maybe you’ll decide you want to stay there for longer. After all, you’ve spent most of your life with her... that has to be comforting at least.” It sounded like Charlie thought he couldn’t provide me with the same kind of love and comfort she could, and that hurt me a lot. I felt my eyes burn with tears. 

“Dad...” I sniffed. I didn’t know what to say to him or how to explain that I loved him a lot and that he was just as important and comforting to me as Renée. I just didn’t know how.

“I miss you,” I said instead. He chuckled softly in response.

“I miss you too, kiddo,” he replied. I wished he could ruffle my hair like he usually did. Rubbing my eyes, I decided to change the subject so we could keep talking for at least a little while longer.

“How’s Bella?” A comfortable, safe topic. There was always plenty of things to talk about when it came to her. Bella was always up to something, getting herself hurt and having some sort of drama going on. ...Maybe I was up to no good as much as Bella was. At least, more so than I even realized.

“She’s good. Her graduation ceremony was a few days ago, and I think she’s happy to finally be done with school. She’s been applying to some... odd choices for college, but at least she’s going,” Charlie said. I nodded slightly in response, rather familiar with all the potential concerns a whirlwind romance could create. I think mostly he was just thinking about the disastrous direction he and Renée’s relationship had gone.

“I’m sorry I missed it.” 

“Don’t worry about it, Mads. No one expected you to come when you’re still recovering. Bella wants you to get better, just like I do.” Charlie assured me quickly. I smiled slightly at that.

“I’m glad,” I replied, “Though I still wish I could’ve been there.” I needed to go and get her a graduation present at some point. It still wasn’t quite clicking to me how much time I had lost while I was in the ICU, dying, apparently. I still couldn’t believe I had died. I pressed a hand to my chest and felt the beating of my heart beneath the bone.

“That’s alright. I’m sure Renée will bring you with her for the wedding, at least. Bella said she was going to visit the week before and then the three of you would fly up together for it.” Charlie told me with a sigh. He didn’t seem to be happy about it, but I don’t think I could be either. Neither of us really liked Edward. I was excited to hear that I’d get to be back in Forks soon though, even if it may not be to stay.

“That’s news to me,” I said, blinking back my surprise. I wasn’t even aware they were engaged. Charlie let out a low groan, and I could tell he was running a hand over his face.

“Right. You weren’t-” He paused to gather his words.

“Edward proposed while you were incapacitated.” Charlie informed me with a grim tone. I frowned slightly, since time and place, but I guess neither of us were ever going to understand Edward and Bella’s relationship. It was clear though, that both of them had a lot of difficulty seeing past each other. 

“I see.” 

Charlie chuckled at this. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say to begin with, but I suppose he felt much the same about it. 

“We’ll see each other soon because of it, so I suppose we can be thankful for that, at least,” Charlie said, and yeah, he was right about that at least.

“Just, keep your mind open about whether you want to stay there or come back to Forks, okay? I know you don’t want to right now, but I want you to consider your safety first.” I swallowed tightly, nodding slightly. I didn’t like it, but I supposed I didn’t have to. Since both of my parents were telling me to at least give it some thought, I guess I had to.

Chapter Text

That morning the pack had set out to patrol the forest for the vampires that had been lurking around lately. The air hung damp between the trees, and it was for all intents and purposes a regular morning. Maddie had promised not to go on a date, so that nagging feeling in his chest had settled slightly. 

His nose twitched as he scented the air. Jacob had been feeling antsy and confused ever since he started shifting. The others had assured him that that was normal, since awakening to having more wolfish characteristics than before was bound to change things. Like, how and where he liked to sleep or how much scents mattered to him now. He had never really noticed how things smelled before, but now some people almost had him wrinkling his nose when he even stood near them, like the old, DMV attendant that seemed to wear far more perfume than when he last went to get his learner’s permit. 

He padded through the woods, breathing in the clean scent of the woods. Somehow, he still couldn’t shake the feeling of ants crawling all over his pelt. He wondered if dropping by Bella and Maddie’s house would help clear the feeling. Usually, at night patrols, just knowing both of them were home sleeping was enough to settle his nerves. 

“Dude, your thoughts are so loud right now,” Embry said, and he swung his head in Jacob’s direction, wagging his tail once in amusement. Jacob huffed, knowing he hadn’t projected any of them through the pack’s open channel. Embry was just teasing him, since he could probably tell something was bothering him.

“You would know,” Jacob responded gruffly, sparing a glance over at Embry who was currently a dark gray wolf with a white underbelly. Embry let out a bark of amusement because of course he would find that funny rather than taking it as the definite dig it was intended to be. Jacob had heard the stories about Embry struggling to learn how to disconnect his thought stream from the pack’s mental communication. 

“Seriously though, what’s gnawing at you?” Embry asked as Jacob turned to head further into the forest. Jacob flicked his ears in annoyance.

“I don’t know. I just have this bad feeling.” He replied irritably. Embry didn’t press him further on it, and Jacob gave up trying to think about it. Instead, he let his instincts guide him through the forest. He began running faster and faster when he heard a howl as he got close. Someone had seen something? He wasn’t sure, but he kept running. His heart was pounding in his chest when he smelled it. Blood . 

At least, it smelled like blood, but also like something that made him feel like he was actively being gutted. The scent was a familiar one, stained by blood, and Jacob urged himself to run faster. 

The next thing he heard was the scream. Jacob rushed forward with a loud growl descending on the glittering vampire and frantic edge to him as he snapped down on rock hard skin. The vampire’s limb shattered beneath his teeth, and it ran further into the trees. A second later, a dark gray wolf, Paul Jacob belatedly realized, burst through the underbrush after it. Jacob spat out the hard shards of the vampire’s body that were still in his mouth before turning to sniff at Maddie who was gasping with pained noises and covered in blood.

As he looked at her, his heart was pounding with terror. Through all of the blood, he couldn’t tell if the vampire had just tried to kill her or infect her. Either way, he wasn’t sure he’d like the answer. As he looked at her, he knew she had to live and that was as far as his thoughts could take him. He shifted back into himself, pulling pants on quickly before checking her for injuries. 

On her neck was a bite that was bleeding dark, black blood profusely. Jacob used the shirt he had to press against that spot and lifted Maddie in his arms. They weren’t close to any hospitals, and he could only hope he could get her to one quickly enough. 

“She’s infected,” Sam said, stepping out onto the gravel. Jacob bared his teeth at Sam, pulling Maddie closer to his chest. She would be fine . He didn’t know how he was so certain of it, but somehow he knew, if he got her to the hospital fast enough, she would live. 

“She’s fine.” He growled, already starting to move away. Sam grabbed his shoulder with a serious expression.

“You can’t let her turn. We have to make sure she stays dead,” Sam insisted, “I can already smell the change on her.” Sam, having been a werewolf longer than the rest of them, was much better at differentiating scents than everyone except maybe Paul. Jacob pulled his shoulder from Sam’s grasp, his eyes flashing with the yellow of his wolf eyes and fangs growing in his mouth.

“We will not.” He growled, feeling rage build up beneath his skin and crawling with the change that threatened to come over him. He kept Maddie safely tucked against himself as far as he could get her away from Sam. Her warm blood was already beginning to soak through his shirt. He needed to get her to the hospital not waste time arguing with Sam, regardless of whether or not he was the pack leader.

“You can’t save her, Jacob,” Sam insisted, stepping forward again, “I’ll do it, if you can’t.” Jacob was brought to his knees as he shifted back into a wolf snapping wildly at Sam in rage. He would not touch her. No one would. He had to keep Maddie safe. Sam backed up several feet, hands raised in a placating gesture while Jacob kept Maddie safe beneath him, growling darkly.

“You’ll have to kill me first,” Jacob said through the pack link, surprising several of the others with his ferocity. Even Jacob wasn’t sure what had come over him at that exact moment, but he was soon shifting back and gathering Maddie back up to hurry her to the hospital, now unimpeded by the rest of the pack.

Jacob wasn’t allowed to visit her in the hospital. She had been in critical condition for days, and she didn’t seem to be recovering. The rest of his pack were extremely anxious about this, and Jacob was certain it was driving a wedge between them. He was butting heads constantly with Sam about it, refusing to back down on his position. He knew Maddie wasn’t a vampire, and would never be a vampire. He couldn’t explain why he knew this, but he was certain.

Sam, however, couldn’t accept his gut as a good enough reason to not get rid of her as a threat or even declare war on the Cullens for allowing a human to be turned in their territory. Embry, surprisingly, was on Jacob’s side about it. Still, there was nothing any of them could do about it for now. She was kept on a tight watch, safe as she could be, in a Seattle hospital.

It was a rainy Saturday when he arrived at the hospital again. He waited at the front desk for the nurse to bring up Maddie’s patient records and tell him whether he could visit her. He was hoping that he would be able to this time. Maddie had been in the hospital for two weeks now, so surely she wasn’t in critical condition at least. Last time, he’d only been able to look at her through a pane of glass with Charlie, who had allowed him to come as well. He wouldn’t have been able to without a family member’s permission.

The nurse pursed her lips slightly before glancing up at him. She had a pitying expression on her face. Jacob tried not to react to it, but his fists tightened at his sides anyway.

“I’m sorry but she’s been transferred to another hospital.” The nurse informed him. Jacob’s shoulders sagged with disappointment.

“Do you know which one?” He asked hopefully, though he had the nagging feeling that they wouldn’t be able to tell him. He’d probably have to ask Charlie or Bella about it. His skin crawled with the need to go find her. 

“Sorry, I can’t tell you that.” Jacob nodded slightly to himself and walked back out of the hospital to his truck. He sat down inside of it and laid his head against the steering wheel. Was she getting better? If they transferred her, surely she was stable at least? His stomach turned with worry, but he tried to suppress it. Maddie was definitely okay. He had been telling himself this over and over again since he’d found her covered in blood. Just thinking about him made his whole body curl with terror. 

Jacob just needed to see her awake for a few minutes, maybe see her small smile, and then he could rest assured that she was hale and hearty at least. Still herself, and not a monster.

Chapter Text

I was standing in the fancy kitchen of the beach house with Renée. It was one of those houses that I’d only ever really seen in fancy, home magazines in waiting rooms. The whole place made me feel like I was having an out of body experience or in someone else’s home. I didn’t know how Renée didn’t feel out of place as well, but I supposed she had gotten used to it slowly after she started dating Phil. 

Obviously, there were things about it that gave it a more personal touch like Renée’s crystals, her herbs hanging to dry in one of the windows, and more, but the bones of it were, in the end, from some strange American fantasyland that I hadn’t known in my whole life until this moment. It was apparent, though, that Phil certainly made good money at his job when he wasn’t being a little league coach.

“Have you read much of the grimoire yet?” Renée asked me. Phil was out at work, which provided my mom the opportunity to talk about this with me. Phil seemed uncomfortable with Renée talking about her “quirky hobby” as if it was a real thing that had an effect on the world around her. Which was, understandable, I supposed. Now that I knew it was real; it felt a little odd to me that Renée didn’t find herself someone that was well... aware of these things.

“A little bit,” I replied with a slight twist to my mouth. It was mostly just recipes for things, and I didn’t really understand much of it, like the purpose or what notes like intent, moon cycles, and the like, had to do with it. Renée gave a soft laugh and waved a hand dismissively.

“Don’t worry,” she chuckled, “I didn’t expect you to understand on a first pass. I just wanted you to get an idea of the kind of things magic requires to work . It’s not like in the movies where you wave a hand, and it just happens, after all.” I blinked.

“But it is ...cooking?” I tilted my head slightly as I asked, looking at the battered, leather bound book with yellowing pages. Renée had said that this was my grandmother’s grimoire, and I certainly hadn’t recognized the handwriting in it. 

“That’s right!” Renée said with a smile. I looked at her suspiciously.

“But you’re terrible at cooking.” 

“It’s a lot easier when the taste isn’t important.” Renée replied, entirely unbothered by the insult, and I supposed that made sense. 

“Ritual spells are the only kind I can really do.” She explained, taking the grimoire from my hands and flipping through the yellowed pages. 

“There are a few other kinds that I imagine you’ll have more luck with, since your magic will be a lot more accessible now. Like... here! See, these your grandmother used a lot.” Renée was pointing at some written symbols on the page with brief notes written next to them that I couldn’t read very well. It seemed like as the book went on my grandma’s script got looser and more impossible to read.

“These are runes,” Renée said, by way of explanation, “They’re for quick, easy magic on the go or when paired properly, much more powerful defensive magic than anything I can do with rituals. They use innate magic from the caster rather than what’s in the ingredients that you use for ritual spells.” I nodded as Renée explained, showing me how to write them and pointing out my grandma’s notes on the importance of the medium used, such as blood, ink, and carving them. Renée also went over the brief bit where my grandma had designed a tattoo to have put on herself by another witch she knew, which I hadn’t even been aware of as a possibility or as something my grandma would have done?

“I have one too, you know,” Renée said as I looked at her incredulously. I had always thought my parents would have the same feelings on tattoos as like... most people did. Renée just laughed waving her hand.

“Here, I’ll show you.” Renée lifted the hem of her shirt, showing me the row of runes on her hip. 

“These take a lot more planning than most runic magic since they’re so permanent, but they’ll also protect you for a very long time. I’ll help you design one for yourself when you’re older.” Renée said with a playful wink, and I sighed slightly in response. I supposed I should’ve expected my free spirited mother to still be free spirited even when she was living it up in a fancy beach-house. 

After explanations, Renée guided me through a few simple spells. She had me make tea several times, explaining ingredients as they were used, and taste testing the spells when I finished. It took me a couple tries before I was actually making anything other than just tea, since I had to get a feel for well, using magic. It was strange. 

Once I seemed to have the hang of that, we tried some runes, which I had a hard time figuring out if I was even doing correctly until one of the slips of paper burnt away to ash on the counter as soon as I’d written the rune down.

“Great job!” Renée had applauded me, while I looked at her with wide eyes of surprise. 

“I did tell you it was a fire rune.” She chuckled at me, and I didn’t know what to say. However, I was pretty sure that was enough for me for the day. I felt bone-tired. Renée had assured me that was normal for depleting magic resources and that I would get better at managing it with practice. A part of me, however, felt like I had somehow lost three weeks of time tripping over into a fantasy land. 

We cleaned up the kitchen, and Renée went out to the beach while I hid back in my room for the afternoon. I was tired and certainly didn’t want to socialize anymore than I already had. Back in the pastel bedroom, I glanced at the mirror that I had covered when I first got out of the hospital after seeing my completely bandaged half of my face. I hadn’t wanted to see myself like that, covered in gauze, but now, I was somewhat curious. 

I wasn’t sure if curiosity was the right word for it, but Renée had helped me take off all the bandages earlier and told me that I still looked much the same to her, despite it all. So maybe the marks weren’t as prominent as I thought they were. 

I hesitated a moment before removing the towel from the dresser’s mirror slowly. I flinched slightly at the bandages that were still on my body. I had never really seen anyone wrapped up this seriously before, so it was definitely a lot to see it on myself. Still, I couldn’t live the rest of my life hiding from my own appearance, and I had been cleared to remove them by the doctors a few days ago.

I started with the least offensive bandage on my arm first. My skin beneath it was cool to the touch, and it looked like every blood vessel had been painted over with scar tissue. Did the vampire do this to me? Or was it my body’s reaction to being turned? I ran my finger over the tight, raised skin curiously. It looked more artistic than I’d expected it to. 

I kept going until I reached the ones on my face, hesitating. I touched them lightly, a bit nervously. I could stand to wait a little longer, right? I glanced at the pink lines that stretched just past my elbow all the way up to my neck and under the tape on my chin. I frowned slightly at my reflection. 

Taking a deep breath, I tore it off as quickly as I could, flinching at the pain the sticky tape left behind. When I opened my eyes to look at my reflection, I gasped in shock immediately hiding the left side of my face from view by instinct. The pink lines continued up across my cheek, over my eye and one went through my eyebrow to my forehead. Slowly, I turned my head to look at it again, touching my finger to the widest of the lines. The most shocking part though, was my left eye. It was red. A dark red that almost matched the dark brown of my other eye, but it was still a different color in the bright lighting from the afternoon sun and fluorescent lights. 

It really had been a vampire that bit me. There was a large crescent mark on my neck as well, where every one of the scar lines converged on. My skin was coolest to the touch there as well. It was obvious that I had barely survived the encounter with the vampire. I suddenly understood why Renée and Charlie were so worried now that I was getting a good look at myself. It looked like I had been in some sort of serious accident now. Like I’d been splashed with some kind of chemical. It was a bit frightening to look at.

I tore my eyes away from my reflection, dropping the towel back into place. I would get used to it eventually. For now, I’d looked enough though. I curled up on the bed and tried not to think anymore. It wasn’t too hard with how tired I already was. The afternoons here were also so warm that I was soon off to sleep.

It was night time when I woke up. My eyes were heavy with sleep, and I had finally managed to not have a single nightmare. When I glanced at the clock, I saw that I hadn’t been sleeping for more than three hours though. It was only eight o’clock. I could hear the TV playing in the living room and the soft murmur of Phil or Renée speaking. I sat up slowly, rubbing the rest of the sleep out of my eyes and pulling the strap of my tank top back in place. The room was quiet, and I wished I would have slept longer. 

I left the comfort of the bed to go over to the window. Something was telling me I needed to go open the window this evening. As soon as I opened it, I heard a distant, mournful howl that was much closer than the night before. Confusion rushed through me as I had a feeling that made no sense at all to me. Still, I knew that howl was Jacob. I poked my head out the window slightly to see if I could see him nearby. When I didn’t, I paused for a moment to feel completely insane for what I was about to do before pulling on some jean shorts and sandals and slipping right out the window. 

I’d find my way back.

Chapter Text

I walked through the sand calling “Jacob?” softly every once in a while. I was heading in the direction I’d heard him from, and I knew he could hear a lot better than a person. I was also too embarrassed to yell his name, so I hoped this would be loud enough for him to hear me eventually. A part of me still felt like there was no way he was out here, and I was caught in some sort of fantasy that manifested from how much I wanted to see him and everyone else I knew. I was pretty lonely here, after all. 

I was also hoping Renée wouldn’t notice that I had ran off. I think she would be immediately frantic with worry, which wouldn’t be good for me at all. Especially after I had told Charlie that I wouldn’t go out alone anymore. Yet, here I was! Very much alone! I couldn’t really convince myself that it was any other way since I was looking for wolf-Jacob and not actually with him. 

I sighed to myself, stopping for a moment to hop in place and try to get all my jitters out really quickly. I looked around once I was done and was startled when I saw a pair of reflective eyes looking at me. 

“Jacob?” I asked hesitantly, squinting at them. I couldn’t really make out much of his shape from the shadows, but I was pretty sure I was completely illuminated under the streetlamp. The eyes shifted slightly, shrinking out of sight and then the next moment I was wrapped up in a blistering embrace. 

“You’re ok!” I heard Jacob breathe with relief as he held me, tucking his face into the crook of my neck and breathing. I was so surprised I didn’t know what to do with my hands. One of his large hands cupped the back of my head and pulled me in closer, and not knowing what else to do, I gently set my hands on his back, patting lightly. Jacob hummed softly in a pleased way, warm breath puffing over my neck and sending a shiver down my spine. I squeezed my eyes shut attempting to ignore the way his breath right there was making my toes curl.

“Yeah, I’m ok.” I assured him as he kept me held close with no sign of letting go soon. I assumed this was some sort of werewolf thing or had to do with the fact that I very nearly died. My heart was still pumping in my chest though, so there was at least that he could be sure of from hugging me like this.

“You’re really okay?” Jacob asked again, pulling away slightly but keeping hold of my biceps in his over warm hands. 

“Yeah.” I replied with a nod. “I’m on the mend. I still have to take some antibiotics and stuff, but most of the damage is as healed up as it can be so far.” I gave him a small smile as he stared at my face with an intense expression. 

Jacob made a soft, almost whine when he reached up and touched one of the scars on my face, and I swallowed tightly suddenly feeling a rush of guilt again. I had told him I wouldn’t go on the stupid date, and I should’ve listened. But instead I hadn’t and now I had to see him looking at me all worried and pained and-

I sucked in a sharp breath and rolled my teeth over my lower lip as I stared back at him with knitted brows and felt my eyes burn with guilty tears. I was always crying over something in front of him; it was getting a little embarrassing. 

“I’m-” I started, choking around my words, “I’m sorry- sorry.” My hands flew up to cover my face as I felt myself heat with embarrassment and guilt. Hot tears slipped down my cheeks, and I tried to rub them away quickly. I shouldn’t be crying right now.

“Sorry-” I gasped, and Jacob pulled me back into his arms tightly, pressing my face tightly into his chest. 

“It’s... It’s okay,” Jacob said in a soft voice. It didn’t sound like it was, but it also seemed like he’d forgiven me for it anyway. I shuddered with another sob, feeling another wave of guilt wash over me. Jacob pressed his nose against the crown of my head and just breathed, slow and deep. We stayed like that until I settled down into soft sniffles. I rubbed at my eyes lightly.

“I’m always crying.” I complained with a light tone, feeling better than I had before.

“Mhmm, you probably cried over spilt milk as a kid,” Jacob said with a teasing tone to his voice. I huffed in mock annoyance, glancing at him with a pout. 

“Of course, I did! That’s 27 cents of milk,” I replied with a chuckle. Jacob smiled back at me then his head tilted slightly and looked at me a little closer for a moment. 

“Your eye is a different color.” He observed. He looked more curious about it than anything else. I blinked back my surprise, and covered the eye with a hand. 

“Yeah.” I replied. I didn’t really have much of an explanation for it. Jacob grabbed my hand gently.

“You don't have to hide it,” he said gently, moving my hand out of the way. I expected him to immediately let go, but instead he twined our fingers together, holding on. Jacob had always been touchy-feely with me, but this was truly next level. I felt my cheeks warming at the contact.

“I can't see very well out of it.” I admitted after a moment, not sure what else to say. Jacob only hummed in response. He continued to gaze at me softly, but I could tell something was still nagging at him as well. 

“Are... you ok?” I asked. Jacob's thumb stroked the back of my hand idly, and it was comforting. More than I ever thought such a simple motion could be.

“I...” He furrowed his brows. “I don't know.”

I nodded slightly in lieu of immediate response. I wasn't sure if he needed to think about it longer, but I was already beginning to wonder a lot. Like, what was he even doing here all the way in Florida? Did he have a ride? Did he run the whole way in wolf form? Did Billy know where he was? 

This was already very out of character behavior for him as far as I was aware. Jacob and I had never been close enough for him to travel across the country to make sure I was ok. Did he know something he wasn't telling me? Had one of the vampires followed me here? I scooted closer to him, suddenly feeling a lot more vulnerable than I had moments ago.

“Am I...? Am I safe here?” I asked in a small voice. Jacob’s hand squeezed mine before letting go to tuck me into his side protectively. I felt very small pressed into him like that, but also much safer and much more at ease.

“You're fine.” He answered. “I just needed to know you were fine.”

“I'm fine.” I echoed, feeling somewhat relieved. At least I knew there were no vampires in my immediate vicinity.

“Is that why you're here? In Jacksonville?” I prodded, raising a brow curiously. I craned my head to look all the way up at him, refusing to budge from where he currently had me against him. I was drinking in as much of this physical contact as I could get.

A group of drunk people laughed loudly as the stumbled down the boardwalk nearby, and Jacob started pulling me along further down the road. I wondered if he was trying to find somewhere quieter to talk, but it was too early in the evening to hope for that near the beach.

“Yes.” He answered, waiting a beat before adding. “I think so.” Then after a longer moment he spoke again.

“Where are we?” I stared at him, my eyes stretched as wide as they could go. 

“ Where are we? ” I repeated in a frantic, hushed tone. I knew better than to raise my voice and draw attention to us but this was ludicrous.

“Jacob! How the hell did you get here?” I hissed in a low voice, feeling suddenly very worried that I was the only one who knew where he was. What if Billy had filed a missing person's report? People were probably frantic about this. How long had he been gone?

Jacob blinked, suddenly looking rather embarrassed. I stared at him with both brows raised in an insistent expression.

“I, uh, followed my gut?” He answered after an altogether too long stretch of silence. I groaned in response, staring up at the sky as I gathered my thoughts. Jacob at least had the sense to look guilty. It was clear that the both of us were full of dumb decisions. No wonder it was easy for him to forgive me earlier.

“Ok... ok!” I said aloud to reassure myself as I thought about what to do about this.

“Does Billy know where you are?”

“No.”

“You have his number or your phone?”

“No phone, but I can tell you it.” It was something at least. I touched my pockets quickly. Empty. I hadn't really been thinking when I climbed out the window of my room to sneak out that I might need money. I guessed a payphone was out of the question for now.

“Um. We'll have to go back to the beach house so I can get my wallet. I don't have a phone either.” I admitted. Jacob nodded, but he also looked worried about me being out with no phone. I made a face at him.

“If you don't want me wandering alone at night with no phone don't howl like that near my window,” I said, pretending he was entirely to blame for this and that my tomfoolery had nothing to do with it. I slipped out of his grasp to lead the way, but made sure to catch his hand in mine when I did. I tugged him along for a little while as I did my best to remember the way.

“Your trail leads the other way.” Jacob pointed out suddenly. I froze, glancing back at him. He smiled in amusement at me.

“I know you're not great at directions.” He pointed out. I wanted to strangle him, just a little bit. I sighed.

“Lead the way, bloodhound,” I said, motioning with my free hand. He laughed at my reply.

“Happily.” We trekked through the sand for a bit before finally coming up to the beach house. We stood under the porch for a moment, quietly listening for any panicked voices that had discovered I wasn't in my room. Of course, I was relying more on Jacob's ears than my own.

He gave me a thumbs up, and I slowly let our hands slip apart.

“I'll be right back.” I whispered to him. Jacob nodded quietly, giving me an encouraging smile. I then started making my way up the wooden stairs as quietly as I could. I don't think I had been trying quite this hard when I had originally snuck out.

I slipped back in through my window and for a moment, I thought I was home free. Then the light flicked on, and there Renée was, standing in front of my door with her arms crossed. I swallowed tightly, trying not to visibly sweat.

“Welcome back, Maddie. Did you have fun?” Renée asked. “I did not think you had gone out enough to find someone you wanted to sneak out to visit. I suppose this is good news for me wanting you to stay here with me a little longer, huh?”

“Nooo?” I responded slowly because I definitely had not been out kissing anyone like she was implying. Would have loved it if I had been out getting some kisses in with Jacob, but we were definitely just friends, much to my chagrin. In fact, he was probably laughing at me right now with his supernatural hearing.

“Uh huh,” Renée said, sounding very much like she did not believe me. I apologized internally to Billy because I did not think I was going to be able to get out again tonight.

Chapter Text

Renée lectured me for quite a while before bed about sneaking out of the house at night, something she had convinced herself that I would not be brave enough for considering what had happened to me. She had failed to factor in my teenage hormones, apparently. That’s at least what she was calling it. Not that she was really that far off. I did sneak out to see the boy I had a crush on, but we were definitely not at the stage where I needed to be warned about safety, sex ed, and the like. We weren’t even past the friendship stage.

Still, there was no convincing Renée I didn’t need to be absolutely humiliated like this. So now I had a box of condoms in the drawer of my nightstand and was made to promise I wouldn’t go out until I at least had a new cellphone to take with me. Renée was still keeping a close eye on me anyway, and I had never felt more embarrassed in my life. I felt my cheeks flaring with heat every time I even thought about it. A part of me hoped Jacob had just gone home after I was subjected to that, but somehow I doubted he did.

Still, Renée made sure to keep me busy in the mornings with practice. Mostly she just had me studying runes, specifically defensive ones. I could tell she was worried about my safety in particular, probably more so than before now because I had snuck out. 

I supposed my injuries marked everyone and myself in different ways. Renée was aggressively making sure I had all kinds ways to protect myself magically at a moment’s notice, and Jacob was... hovering? I wasn’t exactly sure what he was up to, but I was certain I would figure it out at the next opportunity I got to sneak off. I couldn’t exactly tell Renée that a werewolf was hanging around to see me. I didn’t know if she even knew about them.

“Maddie, are you even paying attention?” Renée asked with an exasperated tone. She was staring down at me with a cocked eyebrow. I grimaced slightly, staring at the obviously incorrect scribble that I had just drawn on the paper. I glanced back over at the reference and cringed even harder. It wasn’t even remotely close.

“No.” I admitted. It was way too obvious for me to even try to play it off. I knew I needed to memorize these, but I was pretty sure my brain was turning into goo. Plus, I couldn’t stop worrying about Jacob. Did he even have somewhere he could sleep? Renée sighed.

“Alright, let’s just stop here today,” she said. I began picking up the leftover scraps of paper, and Renée let out another sigh before she began helping me clear away everything. 

After we had cleared the kitchen together, Renée stopped me in the hall with a gentle touch on my arm.

“I understand that everyone gets a little boy crazy at your age, but just make sure you’re being careful, ok?” Renée said with a small smile. I blinked in surprise.

“Okay.” I answered her after a moment. She pulled a phone out of her pocket and handed it to me. I glanced down at it, and it was my same red Motorola that I’d had before my accident except that it was definitely brand new.

“I was hoping you’d stay inside for a little while longer so I wouldn’t have to worry about you too much, but I also know that telling you to stay home doesn’t mean you will. So just don’t be afraid to call if you need me.” Renée patted my hand gently as she said this, and I honestly didn’t really know what to say to her. 

“I will. Thank you.” I said, hoping it was enough. Renée smiled at me, looking older than I remembered in my memories. There were a few more wrinkles on her face and streaks of gray in her hair that I didn’t remember being there before. 

“I love you, pumpkin,” she said, giving me a pinch on the cheek. I chuckled at the nickname.

“I love you too.” Renée walked back to her room then, probably to get changed to go to the beach again, and I waited a moment before padding to my own. I technically had permission now, so I could go looking for Jacob right that second, but I decided to be a little more prudent this time. I found a tote bag, tucking my wallet and phone into it, some food because I felt certain Jacob hadn’t been eating regularly enough with all that travel, and I put a more practical pair of sandals on this time because all that walking last night had given me an awful blister, and I did not want another one. 

I cracked my window, and then went out the front door like a normal person, yelling my goodbyes to my mom as I did. I didn’t hear her reply, but I figured this was what she expected when she gave me the phone. What she hadn’t realized was that I had been trying to figure out how I was going to sneak out as soon as she wasn’t watching over me. 

I squinted my eyes in response to the bright afternoon sun. I wandered out away from the beach, assuming Jacob would probably be lurking in the nearby copse of trees rather than just hanging out by the water. After all that was what he’d been doing the night before. I waded through the tall, yellow grass that quickly became taller than me and called out softly for him. 

I was surprised when a dark brown nose poked through the grass to sniff at me. I gave a small laugh as his nose bumped me in the shoulder gently. I hadn’t really been all that close to him in wolf form before, but he was huge. He nudged at me, urging me along further into the forest where the trees grew a little more tightly together and the air felt a few degrees cooler. 

A few seconds later he had shifted back and his skin was glistening with sweat. I pulled out a water bottle, pressing it to the side of his face with a look of concern.

“Are you ok out here?” I asked him, unable to hide the note of concern in my voice, “We could probably sneak you into my room for some air conditioning while my mom is out.” 

“It’s just,” Jacob huffed uncomfortably, “very hot.” I nodded my head in agreement. It was definitely very warm outside to me too. Slowly, it began to dawn on me. I remembered how comfortable he’d been when it was cold out, and my mouth fell open into a soft “oh”. 

“C’mon, you can’t stay out here,” I said, letting him take over holding the frozen water bottle to himself. I helped him up to his feet, and luckily the house was rather close by because I wasn’t sure how many people I wanted to see me dragging around a half-delirious man that was over a foot taller than me. 

“Can you hear anyone inside?” I asked when we finally got close. Jacob blinked, furrowing his eyebrows as he focused to listen. 

“All clear,” he said after a moment. I breathed a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to get him to squeeze in through the bedroom window. We entered in the front door, and I helped into my bedroom and into a chair. I quickly closed the window and drew the curtains and pulled the closet open slightly in case he needed to hide at some point, though I hoped it wouldn’t come to that. 

“I’ll be right back.” I told him, setting the tote back down. I wanted to go get him something cold to drink that would give him some electrolytes and grab the fan that Renée had told me I could use if it got too hot in my room at night. Once I had both things and was back into the room, I saw that Jacob was already looking a little better and lucid. 

“Hey there,” I said as I shut the door behind me. I held the lemonade out to him, “Drink this.” Jacob took it with a grateful look, and I quickly moved to set up the small, box fan. 

“Thanks.” He spoke after the fan was running. It wasn’t the quietest thing, but it definitely seemed to be livening Jacob up even more. I plopped into the chair at my desk rolling it a little closer to him.

“You feeling better?” I asked, leaning my head against my knees once I had curled up comfortably in the chair. He nodded.

“Much.”

“Good enough to maybe eat something? If you’re hungry?” I glanced over at the tote bag that was resting by my bed now. He grimaced slightly.

“Definitely not yet.” Jacob answered, looking more than a little nauseous at the thought.

“Ok, no problem.” I replied, settling into my chair as Jacob closed his eyes against the artificial breeze once more. As I watched him, I became more certain that I needed to send him home and soon. I was safe here as he had now confirmed for himself, I was certain, and so he needed to go home where the heat wasn’t going to send him to the ER. 

I flipped through one of the books my mom wanted me to read to keep myself from watching him too intensely. Jacob definitely seemed to be feeling much better now that he wasn't sitting outside in the heat, but unfortunately he could not stay here indefinitely. I glanced up at him after a few minutes, and his eyes were still closed. Unable to resist the temptation, I reached up and gently touched his forehead with one hand. He was very warm too the touch, but I was also pretty sure he usually was.

“How warm are you normally?” I asked him, not moving my hand when he turned his head slightly to lean into it, likely chasing the coolness of it. 

“Around a 100 to 102 is pretty normal.” He answered after a moment. He definitely still seemed to be a bit out of it, and my arm was starting to get tired from holding it up. I was also pretty sure I was not going to be able to tell if he had a fever at all. I bit my lip lightly in thought. Was I going to have some weird biology stuff now that I wasn’t human too? Or, well, now that my humanity had passed quietly into that good night?

“Do you feel feverish?” I asked, still definitely worrying over him much more than I probably really needed to be. Jacob looked a lot better than he did before, and the afternoons were almost always sweltering here with the sand, sun and water all working in tandem to dry you out into a chip.

“I’m fine, Maddie,” Jacob said with a chuckle, grabbing my hand off of his forehead. I stared at him like I didn’t quite believe him, which I didn’t. I was very suspicious of his well being. 

“You should go home.” I told him, suddenly feeling very serious. “You shouldn’t even be here. My mom gave me a phone so you can at least call Billy before you go.” I stretched a leg out to pull my bag over since Jacob had confiscated my hand. 

“I can’t go back yet,” Jacob said, freezing me in place. I slowly looked at him with wide eyes.

“What do you mean you can’t go back? You said I wasn’t in any danger.” 

Jacob’s dark eyes flicked away from me with a furrowed brow and a slight frown set into his face. Was this a more complicated question than I realized? 

“I’m fine , Jake.” I insisted instead, assuming he hadn’t lied to me before when he said that I was safe here in Florida. Jacob looked at me with soft eyes, and I could tell he was maybe three steps away from giving me the most pleading expression he could muster on his altogether way too handsome face.

“I’m worried about you.” He replied, by way of refusing my attempt to get him to go back to Forks. I wondered how long it had taken him to get here while at the same time trying my best to figure out how to get him to go back .

“I’ll be back in Forks soon,” I said suddenly as I remembered that Bella was getting married soon. I sat up in my chair looking at him cheerily.

“Bella will be here next month, and then about a week after that my mom, her and me will be flying back together for the wedding. I’ll be fine until then, ok? People are probably worried about you, and you definitely don’t have anywhere to stay here. So, go home.” 

Jacob looked unconvinced, and I tried to hold back the aggrieved sigh that was threatening to spill out of me. He held my hand in his, glancing down at our joined hands for a moment and then back up to my face.

“I don’t want to.” 

I simply couldn’t help the frustrated noise that came out of me. 

“Well, let’s at least call Billy first,” I said, grabbing my tote bag off of the floor and whipping out my shiny new phone. It hadn’t made a single call yet. I held it out to him expectantly. Jacob only hesitated for a moment before taking it.

Chapter Text

Billy, from what I could tell, had not been very surprised by this. In fact, I think he had been expecting this sort of behavior from Jacob for a while now. If the shy tilt of embarrassment to Jacob’s head was any tell. I had wheeled away a bit to give him some semblance of privacy and flipped through the book on runes Renée had given me. I couldn’t help that I still looked up at him occasionally anyway. No matter how well intentioned I was feeling, I couldn’t help wanting to take in more of his cute expressions. 

When the phone call was finally over, Jacob looked more frustrated than anything else, which honestly made me smile. I knew he was just worried about me, but that didn’t mean he needed to be camping in the sparse Jacksonville forests for more than a month to make sure I stayed safe. I was learning some stuff with Renée as well, so surely I’d be able to keep myself relatively safe even without his presence. 

“I know you’re worried, but we’ll see each other again soon! Besides...” I paused leaning in close to him to whisper, “Don’t tell anyone else for now, but I can do a bit of magic to protect myself now.” I leaned back grinning at him. Jacob snorted at me.

“You’re joking around to make me feel better, aren’t you?” There was an amused quirk to his lips, and I pouted at him.

“So you can have magical powers, but I can’t? Rude.” I replied, fishing a slip of paper out of my pocket. I guess I would just have to prove it to him then. Renée had told me to save these for an emergency, but I could just make another later. 

“See? I’ll prove it to you,” I said, presenting the thin, paper square. I licked my finger and drew the rune for shielding as best as I could from memory. I had to lick my finger a second time about halfway through writing it but that wasn’t a huge deal. Using my own fluids would make it a lot stronger, according to Renée. I didn’t really have something tougher than my mom lying around before though. The rune blinked before disappearing from the paper, and I looked at Jacob with a smug expression.

“Try to punch me.”

“I’m not going to punch you!” Jacob responded, sounding somewhat outraged at the idea. I sighed, waving my hand.

“You don’t have to do it as hard as you can. In fact, I’d prefer if you didn’t,” I said shrinking into my shoulders a bit at the idea. 

“But this doesn’t work if you don’t at least pretend to attack me.” I pointed out with a meaningful look. Jacob looked wary at best. He stood up and approached me slowly, and I slumped slightly. There was no way he was going to even try to hurt me. I supposed that made sense, but now the shield felt a little bit silly. 

His hand pressed up against a wall in between me and him, about a few inches away from my arm. I blinked in surprise. Renée always threw something at it or gave it a hearty smack, so I was surprised that something lacking aggression was also stopped. Jacob also looked rather surprised.

“Oh, you really weren’t lying,” he said, marveling a bit at the invisible wall and running his hand across it to find the edge. 

“I wouldn’t tell you to punch me if I was!” I replied, somewhat indignant that he thought I might have been. He glanced into my face at that, our eyes meeting.

“I’m still not doing that.” Jacob insisted seriously. I sighed.

“Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t at this point, but now I’m stuck with this thing until something happens. So I guess you can take some comfort in that,” I said, resigning myself to being a magically conjured bubble of safety until the following day when I was practicing with Renée again.

“There’s no time limit?” He asked, pressing his hand a little more firmly against the magic. 

“Not that I’m aware of? I’m sure I could dispel it, but I don’t know how to do that yet.” I answered. Jacob nodded thoughtfully in response, and I watched him continue to marvel at my very basic shield spell. He knocked on it curiously, and I was surprised by the hollow sound it made like he was rapping on glass. 

“You’ll have to hit it a little harder than that.” I pointed out. 

“I figured.” He shrugged slightly. 

“I just didn’t think magic was real,” he said, suddenly looking at me with excitement. His dark eyes were practically glittering at thought. I would’ve laughed at him, if it wasn’t for the fact that I acted the exact same way when I found out too. 

“Me neither.” I replied with a shrug. “Apparently me and Bella come from a long line of it. I don’t really know too much about it myself though. I only just found out, and you’re the first to know, so don’t tell anyone. Willow will kill me if she knows I told you first.” I gave Jacob a look I hoped portrayed how serious I was about this. He laughed lightly in response.

“Your secret is safe with me. Though I think you greatly overestimate how much I speak to Willow.” I rolled my eyes at him in amusement.

“I know you don’t. But... you do talk to Embry, which I hope you can see how the problem would stem from there.” Jacob stroked his chin as if it was something he had to give some thought to, and I snorted at him.

“Hmm... Yes, I suppose their imprint bond would mean he’d divulge that information with her.” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Bravo,” I said, clapping my hands. Jacob just grinned at me. Then, taking me entirely by surprise, broke my shield by sweeping me into a tight bear hug. I made a startled noise when my feet lifted off of the ground.

“That was way too easy to break.” He told me after to setting me back down on my feet. I stared at him feeling somewhat annoyed.

“It’s supposed to after a single hit! It’s not a barricade.” I attempted to explain. Stronger shields required a lot more than a slip of paper and some spit, after all. Jacob tilted his head slightly.

“That seems... inefficient,” he said after a moment of thought. I looked at him in slight irritation, but it also wasn’t like I could refute him. It absolutely was inefficient. Though I supposed that was also why vampires were so scary in all the texts I had read, along with some other supernatural creatures I mostly wanted to pretend were extinct or something. 

“Of course it is! If it wasn’t, magic would probably rule the modern world.” I replied with a laugh. 

“That’s true.” He conceded. Jacob gave me another squeeze in his arms, tucking his face back into my shoulder before pulling away just as quickly as he’d done it. I noticed this time he had a half-lidded look that I wasn’t sure how to categorize on his face.

“Is this a wolf thing?” I asked before I could stop myself. He blinked, the expression disappearing from his face.

“...Yes.” He pulled the rest of the way away from me and out of the hugs, his hands sliding down my arms to my hands. He held my hands in his loosely, gazing at me with a soft expression.

I stared at him suspiciously, but somehow, I found the strength in myself to not question his obvious lie. Clearly he did not want to talk about it. Also, I wasn’t sure that it was entirely a lie. After all, that definitely wasn’t a human thing. 

“I should go.” Jacob sighed, but his hands didn’t stop holding onto mine. I didn’t really recognize this Jacob, but I was mostly attributing all of his behavior to mother hen-ing me like everyone else around me seemed to currently be doing. It probably didn’t help when they could visually see the damage that was done to me. If Jacob hadn’t been holding onto my hands, I would’ve tried to cover my neck with one hand. At least in Forks I could get away with wearing a turtle neck. Though there was no real good way of hiding the web of pink on the left side of my face.

“You should.” I replied, relaxing my hands completely in his and attempting to slide them away. Jacob just tightened his hold on them. I gave him the best look of disappointment I could muster.

“I’m not going to stop you, if that’s what you’re hoping for.” 

“...I’m not.” He definitely was. I sighed. He was being harder to move than a boulder.

“My mom’s probably going to be home soon.” I pointed out, “You’ll have to leave then. Besides, you need to get home.” Jacob was starting to look a bit like a reluctant, kicked puppy. I felt like a villain for being perfectly reasonable. Was there something I was missing? 

“You’re sure you’ll be safe?” He asked me suddenly. 

“Of course!” I assured him. It wasn’t like I was entirely certain that that would be the case. I always had some kernel of fear nestled in my heart since I’d woken up after the accident, but I could always provide enough false bravado to make sure people made good decisions, and it would not be a good decision for Jacob to stay here. I gave his chest a light shove.

“ Go ,” I said with a slight laugh, “You’re obviously never going to want to. See you?” Jacob took a single step, seeming to wake up to reality. 

“See you.” He replied, hesitating a moment longer before disappearing out the window. I looked out after him, catching a flash of fur as he shifted for the long journey across the country. I assumed he would be fine, but I would definitely prefer that he didn’t run thousands of miles to see me again. That was seriously an insane amount of distance for even a giant, dire wolf, which I was pretty sure he was even bigger than shifted.

I closed the window with a soft sigh. I hoped he really was headed home; although, I could probably check with Billy in a week if I really wanted to make sure. I wasn’t sure that was necessary though. I tapped my fingers on the desk while scooting my wheeled chair around over the wood floors. 

I really wanted to go back to Forks too.

Chapter Text

Bella arrived in Jacksonville with an unexpected tag-along, Edward. I think I should have been surprised, but the nature of their relationship seemed to keep them stuck together like glue. No matter what sort of horrible cycles of love-hurt they seemed to be going through. At least Bella was going to therapy. 

“Bella!” Renée cheered at her daughter when we had found them at baggage claim. I followed behind a little more slowly while our mom ran to hug Bella enthusiastically. I eyed Edward suspiciously, and he looked at me with an unreadable expression. He definitely seemed far more interested in face than I remembered him being. Bella and Renée were laughing happily while rocking in a happy hug, entirely guided by Renée if my instincts were telling the truth.

“Mom,” Bella said chuckling, “I missed you too.” Renée pulled away with another light chuckle, giving Bella a gentle pat on the cheek. 

“You look good.” Renée commented with a joyful glimmer in her blue eyes. I stepped in next to our mom, and Bella turned to me her smile disappearing as she took in my face. I couldn’t stop myself from flinching at her startled expression. I was going to have to get used to people I knew looking at me like this. It made me stomach turn.

“Ma-Maddie...” Bella forced a smile on her face, the gears in her head kicking into overdrive, “I’m glad you’re doing better.” I hummed in response, and Renée squeezed Bella’s hands again before releasing to give me a comforting squeeze as well.

“It’s going to be great having both of my girls at home with me,” she said in a cheery voice. I knew she was trying to smooth over Bella’s obvious awkwardness. I avoided looking at Bella again. I didn’t really want to know what she was thinking about me, and my... face.

As we walked back to Renée’s car, I found myself tugging at my hair, wishing it covered my face better. Bella kept glancing at me and furrowing her eyebrows, and it was honestly making me uncomfortable. She clearly wasn’t going to bring up her questions around our mother, who I was pretty sure she thought didn’t know a thing about the supernatural. Bella didn’t know how wrong she was about that. 

For a moment, I wondered how many people really didn’t know about the supernatural. The number had to be a fair bit more than I ever expected, but it probably still wasn’t something the majority of people knew about. 

Bella glanced at me again with that troubled expression from the backseat of the sedan with Edward. I sighed. Renée hadn’t really said anything about Bella bringing along her boyfriend... fiancé? But I guess, they were about to get married in a few months so no separating them at this point or something. 

I had been practicing wards with Renée all morning, so I was a bit tired by the time we got to the airport, and now in the quiet car with a thirty minute ride to our mom’s house I was beginning to slip further and further off. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with all of Bella’s staring while I was sleeping.

I startled awake when the car pulled to a stop and shut off. Sleep clung to me and moving was a bit difficult at first as I stirred in the seat. 

“We made it back home, sweet pea,” Renée said, patting my knee before she stepped out of the car to help Edward with the luggage in the truck of the car. I could hear her speaking comfortably to him, but I couldn’t quite understand what she was saying. I felt out of it, a bit like my body was trapped under something heavy. Still, I pushed through and got myself unbuckled. 

I lagged behind the others a bit, but somehow I managed to get myself inside while feeling a bit like my whole body was shutting down on me. I staggered down the hall to my room, shutting it behind me quickly and collapsing into the pillows. I was more tired than I realized. I blinked slowly, staring at the ceiling and fighting to stay awake. Ultimately, I lost.

I woke with a gasp in my throat, and my heart racing. I turned my head to look around the room. It looked much the same as when I fell asleep. The light was still on; everything was where it was supposed to be. There weren’t any strange figures in the room, but someone was knocking on the door. I groaned softly to myself, not yet ready to move.

“Yes?” I called, my voice hoarse with sleep. 

“Did I wake you?” Bella asked, surprised, and poked her head in the doorway. She gazed at me with big, dark brown eyes, and I sighed, forcing myself up into a sitting position on the bed and rubbing at my eyes.

“I dunno... Yes?” 

“Sorry.” She apologized briefly before moving on to what she’d actually come to bother me with. 

“Do you know what you were attacked by?” She asked, slipping into the room and shutting the door behind her. I blinked tiredly. I supposed I should have expected this. Of course she was going to be quick to interrogate me about it all if she was as deep into all the supernatural goings on in Forks as I was pretty sure she was.

“Vampire.” I answered tersely, and Bella startled, almost falling on her way to sit down in the swivel chair. Her eyes were big when she looked at me. I could tell she had expected this to be the case, but also seemed very surprised by it as well.

“Do you remember what the vampire looked like?” Bella hedged, looking like she knew a fair bit more than she was letting on. This was about what I expected. However, the question brought back memories of red eyes, pain, and the like, so I just flinched and tried to focus on breathing. I didn’t think that was something I was really capable of talking about in depth with her.

“I can’t,” I said through a tight breath. I was struggling to articulate, but it seemed like Bella caught on and was backing off at least. 

“That’s fine.” She replied in a tone that showed she was trying to hide that she didn’t really think it was but knew there was nothing she could do about it. I stared at her with furrowed eyebrows deciding to not keep this fact finding mission of hers one-sided. 

“Why are you asking me all this?” I prodded, and Bella looked surprised I’d even asked. 

“I’m just worried about you,” She said, her eyes shifting off to the side. She twisted one finger in her grasp nervously as well. So, I knew she was lying to me. Though, the obvious signals were really unnecessary.

“That’s not what someone who’s worried about me would ask.” I pointed out, deciding to not let her get away with it. If I were feeling nicer, I might have, but I could still feel my nerves crackling beneath my skin. I was having a hard time distinguishing whether it was anger or anxiety. I remembered how Jacob, our mom, and our dad had worriedly asked after my well being and this exchange was just not measuring up in comparison.

“I, well...” Bella trailed off, not immediately sure of what to say. With how much she had been lying the past couple of years, I was surprised she was even struggling to figure out what she was going to lie about now. Was that too judgemental of me? 

“I already know that vampire is dead, by the way,” I said, figuring sharing information was the route to go in this situation. Jacob had told me that their pack had made sure it wasn’t going to be biting anyone else in town. 

“So, I’m assuming that your vampires haven’t fixed the issue since you feel the need to ask me about it. Is that correct?” 

Bella’s mouth worked for a moment while she struggled to find the words. Finally she snapped back into focus.

“Wait, you know they’re vampires?” 

“I had a feeling.” I replied with a shrug. “You just confirmed it for me is all.”

“Maddie! Can’t you ask like a normal person?” Bella asked with a frustrated note to her voice. I rolled my eyes.

“No. Now back to the main point: the problem. Still ongoing?”

Bella sighed, accepting defeat, which I was glad for. I would much rather be in the loop from now on. Mostly to avoid being mauled again. I rather thought the one time was plenty of experience for me. 

“Yes and no,” Bella said. Her shoulders slumped as she admitted this. I wasn’t even really sure why she was trying to keep it all under wraps. “The vampires that were attacking people were all newborns, and they’re all dead as far as we know. The vampire that made them, however, was never around so it could happen again.” 

“I see...” I responded, thinking about what she’d just told me for a moment before bringing my original question back.

“So, why are you asking me all of this?”

Bella grimaced slightly at the question, probably aware she couldn’t lie this time. She shifted uncomfortably for a moment before she spoke.

“Because you should have been dead. The newborn that attacked you... It would’ve killed you a lot faster if it was ...eating. Well before any of the werewolves could have gotten there to help you, at least.” She told me this stiffly, like even she didn’t like thinking about this, but it was obviously something that had been discussed. I couldn’t say I was too happy to hear about it either, so we sat in unhappy silence for several minutes.

“Suppose I should thank my lucky stars then,” I said with a sigh. Bella looked at me with a bit of mild concern. It was nice to know she still cared, even if she was maybe the absolute worst at showing it. 

“Yeah...” She responded, clearly lost in thought. She was probably trying to figure out why I’d been singled out for ...changing. I shuddered at the thought. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her. I’d been naive in thinking that more information could only be beneficial, but now I was starting to see why Jacob had been so resistant to leaving.

Chapter Text

“She’s not turned,” Edward said once Renée had left the room. Her mom had given them separate rooms, which Bella wasn’t sure how to feel about at this point. Edward’s nose wrinkled slightly.

“She smells like one of the dogs.” Bella blinked in surprise, not sure what to make of that, but set the thought aside for the time being.

“But she’s not a vampire?” She asked, feeling more than a little bit surprised by this information. Her understanding up to this point had been that if someone had gotten bitten and infected with venom, they turned. Plus, one of Maddie’s eyes was red, a tell-tale sign of vampirism. 

“No.” Edward answered, looking more than a little confused about it himself. Bella bit her nail thinking this over for a moment.

“So she survived the change somehow?” She asked, looking at Edward for some kind of answers, but he just frowned shaking his head.

“I’ve never heard of that happening.” Bella’s stomach clenched with fear, feeling like all of her future plans were slipping further and further out of reach away from her. She wanted to become a vampire, and now her sister resisted it? Did that mean she would too? Edward’s cool hand pulled hers away from her mouth, preventing her from putting anymore damage into her nail. 

“Did you want her to have been turned by the newborns?” Edward asked, looking a bit perplexed. Bella frowned slightly. She didn’t know the answer to that. She would’ve been more than a little pissed that her younger sister got to be a vampire before her, all while not even being aware of vampires. However, Maddie being infected and not turning was maybe worse. Bella didn’t want there to be any hiccups when she herself was potentially being turned, whenever that wound up happening. Because it would. She would become a vampire. She had to.

“I don’t know!” Bella answered in frustration, almost jerking her hand out of Edward’s hold. Bella thought about it for a bit longer before looking up at Edward with an idea.

“Should we ask Alice? We should, right?” She asked with a slight smile, feeling confident in the idea, “Surely this is something she can figure out. You couldn’t hear anything from Maddie, right?” 

“She has very few surface thoughts that I can hear,” Edward said, considering what Bella was saying about Alice. Alice generally just saw the future. Would looking into Maddie’s future really reveal anything? He wasn’t really sure. It was worth a try at least. Besides, Maddie’s surface thoughts had just been mostly tired, tired, static, annoyance with Bella , which was par for the course with her thoughts. It was a bit surprising that they hadn’t changed considering all that had happened to her recently. Maybe Bella’s family was just a more hardy stock than he’d initially given them credit for. 

“We can ask her, but don’t expect anything groundbreaking.” Edward finally assented with a slight nod, his yellow eyes shifting over Bella’s happy expression. She flushed with joy and that intoxicating scent her blood had grew stronger. He swallowed tightly, watching her flip open her phone to call his sister. 

Maybe they would have some answers soon, but something didn’t sit right about any of this with Edward. He’d been convinced that Bella was his soulmate, partly because of how enchanting her blood smelled and the other part because he couldn’t read her thoughts. However, Maddie now smelt just as good as Bella, if not even more delicious. He didn’t know what to make of this, and his stomach stirred with discomfort the more he thought about it.

Chapter Text

With Bella here, my lessons with Renée had been put on the back burner. It wasn’t that I couldn’t do self-study or even ask my mom questions about things, but Bella was certainly taking up more of her attention than I think even she had expected. Renée had been roped into helping Bella's wedding plan, and apparently that was quite the undertaking all on its own. More than once I had walked in on Renée and Bella on a call with Esme discussing color schemes, flowers, napkins, cake flavors, and anything else you could possibly think of. It made my head spin. The weight held on each little detail really cemented the fact that Bella was marrying into money. It was wild.

Generally, when faced with the option to listen to three women debate frivolities or hide away in my bedroom, I was simply going to choose the latter. I hadn't gotten much time to flip through books though, as Renée soon came in to let me know that Bella wanted to go dress shopping for my bridesmaid outfit. She had chosen a lavender and white theme for the wedding, and so all of her bridesmaids were to wear lavender. 

I didn't know how I felt about it. We had all piled into Renée's SUV to head to a few nearby boutiques, and all I could think about was how to somehow wriggle my way out of the honor bestowed upon me. I could hardly look at my own reflection in the mirror, so being photographed and being a central figure in Bella’s massive wedding honestly had me feeling sick to my stomach. Additionally, I wasn’t really feeling up to being the main figure in the day’s activities. As it would involve, of course, lots of eyes on myself. 

I wasn’t sure that this was something I would even be allowed to pass on being a bridesmaid either. Both Renée and Bella seemed so excited as they pulled out purple, taffeta and sateen dresses to show me and badger me to try on. I felt like my throat had closed and all I could do was let myself be their personal dress up doll. The women working in the boutique tried their best to be encouraging, but I saw them stare at the scars on my face even when they did their best not to. 

I wanted to disappear into the ground. I hardly noticed how each dress looked on me. I could've been in a purple potato sack, and I might have given Renée and Bella the thumbs up to go ahead with the dress. I wondered idly if I could get away with wearing pants, but that felt like it would draw more attention to myself so I let the thought wither away and die in the back of my skull. I was mostly just wondering how to escape from the situation I was in as quickly as possible.

“Oh, Maddie, I think this is perfect,” Bella said, clasping her hands together with a grin. Renée smiled beside her, looking almost tearful. I wondered if she was realizing how much we'd both changed and grown since we moved to Forks and started living with Charlie instead. 

I slowly let my eyes drift towards the full length mirror, feeling dread pooling in the pit of my stomach. The dress was a simple, sateen slip with a strapless neckline layered with sheer, embroidered organza. It made me look more mature than I was. One of the attendants handed me a shawl to pair with it that wasn’t much more than a slip of fabric. The important detail to me, however, was that it had received the bride’s seal of approval, which meant I could finally stop trying things on.

It showed rather a lot of skin, but I might be able to get away with some layering at the actual event, since it wouldn't be as warm in Forks. I could dream, at least of covering up my scars in a way that wouldn't ruin Bella’s vision of her perfect wedding.

“OK, then let's get this one.” 

Renée looked somewhat hesitant, and I assumed she could tell that I wasn’t the biggest fan of the dress, but it wasn’t really all that important how I felt about it. At least, in my opinion and probably Bella’s as well, it wasn’t. It was a simple enough looking dress that it wouldn’t upstage Bella in any way, but it was stunning enough to look at home next to whatever elaborate number Bella had picked out with Edward’s mother. 

It was a great relief to be finally done picking out dresses, and as I flipped out my phone to check for messages from Willow, I was rewarded with one.

Willow: You’re coming back for the wedding?

I smiled at her excitement. I knew she would be there as well, since Embry had been invited by Bella. I was also excited to see her, and to be back in Forks. I was still figuring out how to convince my parents to both let me stay once I was there, but I was sure I would figure out a way. I didn’t want to leave Charlie all alone in his house again. As willing as Bella was to charge out into a brand new life in the Cullens, I was unwilling to let go of my dad, who I felt like I had only just started to know.

Me: Yes! Can talk more when I’m home

Willow: Yay!

I closed my flip-phone with a satisfying snick and went back to staring out of the passenger side window at the palm trees. The AC in the car was blasting so loudly, I could hardly hear the radio channel that Renée had her car tuned in to. The radio host bid farewell to the previous artist, Carly Simone, and introduced the upcoming Beatles song. I blinked, feeling exhausted but I was pretty sure we were almost back to the beach house, so I was doing my best to stay awake.

I glanced back at the rear view mirror, seeing Edward fully leaned into Bella as she said something to him with a smile on her face. He was really such a still person. Sometimes I wondered if he even breathed, but then I’d see his chest rise and fall, and well, not dead... probably. 

Renée pulled into the driveway, and I launched out of the car the moment I could. I took a deep breath of sweltering air. It was a relief to finally be back to the house. I quickly let myself into the house and retreated back to my room for some well deserved peace and quiet. 

I fell into the cool duvet on the bed with a sigh and laid there for a good while, contemplating a nap before finally dragging myself from the bed to the computer to chat with Willow. I would look over my assigned readings later, when I felt less compressed.

I could almost hear something. My head was ringing, and there were distant murmuring voices that I could just barely make out if I focused just a bit... almost... 

“The bite never took,” a voice spoke, and my head began to ache as I tried to continue listening in. The bite? I wondered deliriously. I was half-asleep, lying in my bed and yet, there was someone... talking about a bite? 

“It did take, but something else-” my concentration faded and the voices dulled with it. I was trying to focus, but it was so hard, and it hurt. Something warm dribbled down my face. 

“Not human anymore,” the second voice continued and my focus snapped as I jolted fully awake. I sat up quickly, and blood splattered my pajamas. I grabbed my t-shirt to press against my face with a startled noise. Had I been dreaming? Was that a real conversation, or something my mind was making up? My head swam as I stumbled to the bathroom. 

I locked the door behind me, groaning and sinking onto the tile. My muscles ached. I hadn’t had something like that happen before. I didn’t even know what to make of it. Should I ask my mom about it? 

I was bleeding so much.

I grasped toilet paper to replace the hem of my shirt, tilting my head back and trying to feel less scrambled. I didn’t even know what time it was. I squeezed my eyes shut and began counting, hoping that would help me calm down. I could sort everything else out once the bleeding stopped. 

“Maddie? Are you alright?” 

I was startled to hear Bella’s voice outside the door.

“It’s just a nosebleed. I’m fine,” I said, muffled by the toilet paper. 

“Ok. Do you mind if I clean up your sheets? You have a spare set, right?” Bella said gently through the door. It was surprising to hear. She rarely cared to help out in any way, and it was nice to not have to worry about everything on my own for once.

“Yeah, in the closet... thank you.” 

Bella didn’t reply, but I heard her feet moving away across the hardwood. I slumped against the wall. So she did still have a heart in there. Maybe I had been too harsh on her before, and then I remembered Edward. Had my blood bothered him? I wasn’t sure how close they needed to smell it, but I did suddenly feel like a rock had settled in my stomach. 

I didn’t immediately leave the bathroom. I was suddenly hyper aware of the realization that I’d made only days before. Bella was dating a vampire, and sure, I had joked and suspected, but that hadn’t really made it real. It had remained somewhat unreal until I had bled all over the place in proximity of said vampire. He had woken Bella up just to deal with my blood. 

I knew it wasn’t morning yet. My head was pounding, and my eyelids were still heavy with sleep. However, my heart was racing. There was a vampire in the house with me, and all I had to protect myself from it was the bathroom door. I had been sleeping, and it wasn’t like I kept the paper slips in my pajamas. Clearly that was a rookie mistake. 

I climbed into the tub and was suddenly aware of how much I was trembling. I couldn’t exactly take Bella’s word on my safety in proximity to Edward, if a nosebleed had been an issue. I was still in recovery from my accident, and more than likely the nosebleed was a related symptom. Additionally, Edward was also a vampire, just like the one that had attacked me. I tucked my head in between my knees and tried to focus on my breathing. 

Surely nothing was going to happen. I was as safe as I could be. 

I wasn’t really safe at all. 

I let out a terrified gasp, wiping at my nose with a tissue and hoping that the bleeding had finally stopped. 

My brain felt scrambled. I was still unable to stop thinking about the dream, and it felt like all of it was all tied together in some sort of horrible, vampiric knot. At least, they had to all be related. I wondered for a moment if all the danger that had been happening had more to do with Bella than I’d ever even realized. Is that why she had run away two years ago?

I squeezed my eyes shut as my skull throbbed with a sharp pain. I couldn’t keep thinking about all of this right now. I was definitely catastrophizing, not the awareness of the behavior was really going to help with my brain stacking on more and more worries as quickly as it could. After all, if vampires had specifically targeted Bella and myself, it had to have something to do with Bella’s proximity to a whole group of them firstly. Secondly, of course, it was our fae blood. Irresistible to vampires, if the textbooks my mom had provided me with was anything to go off of. Then in third, I was the easier target? 

Were the Cullens protecting Bella to some extent? It seemed unlikely, considering the vampires’ general desires and goals as I understood them, which was chiefly to consume the blood of humans and anything else even more tantalizing that they could get their hands on. Was Bella some sort of blood bag to the Cullens? An emergency snack? 

I felt nauseous. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t even figure out if I was in any danger. I had half a mind to think that I was probably in more since Bella had come to Florida. My every instinct was telling me I needed to get back to Forks where at least there were werewolves patrolling for wayward vampires. There was no safety net like that here in Jacksonville. 

Was it possible for me to just leave for Forks? My mom would probably burst a blood vessel if I ran off, but I wanted out of the house so badly. I rocked back and forth with my arms wrapped around myself attempting to self-soothe, but it wasn’t exactly working. I began counting each of my breaths in an attempt to distract from my thoughts. It was incredibly difficult, and I had to restart multiple times.

I did eventually catch my breath though. I laid exhausted in the tub and unwilling to move. However, I did move after a while, mostly because I needed to go curl up somewhere else that felt safer. 

I padded down the hall to my room as quietly as I could, grabbing the paper slips off my nightstand as soon as I returned to my room. I hid in the closet with a blanket, settling into the back corner of the oversized walk-in closet amongst several plastic totes full of holiday decorations. I quickly drew out a ward to protect myself, shifted a few totes off the wall and squeezed back behind them. 

I immediately felt calmer with a wall of totes between me and the closet doors. I was exhausted, and quickly fell asleep against the wall.

Chapter Text

I found it more difficult to feel calm the following morning. I had woken with an ache in my joints from sleeping upright in the corner of the closet, most of all in my lower back. It was a relief that no one had noticed that I had crawled back there to hide either. 

The problem, however, was not gone. There was still a vampire in the house, and although Bella had long been safe around him, I couldn’t dissociate the fact that his very existence was the reason that I had nearly died. My hands began to tremble at the very thought of it every time. I could only remember flashes, and well, Edward’s eyes weren’t the same but I knew that contacts among other things could hide details. His family was just very good at pretending. 

I noticed how he stuck to the shadows of the living room, reading, while Bella and our mother spoke to each other. I stayed close to them, but I couldn’t pay attention to what they were saying. All I could think was:

Danger.

Danger.

Danger.

I wished I had somewhere else to go to, but I didn’t know anyone here in Jacksonville, and I didn’t exactly want to run out onto the beach to have a public meltdown. I missed the trees in Forks. The unpopulated deserts of Arizona. Anywhere else there was a backyard I could at least hyperventilate in peace. Instead, all I could do was cling to Renée’s side and live with the knowledge that I couldn’t do anything to stop him if he decided to end his promise of pacifism with Bella. 

I felt like I might pass out. 

My mom glanced at me, giving my arm a gentle, encouraging squeeze. She looked somewhat worried about me, despite still holding a conversation with Bella. I supposed I wasn’t doing that good of a job of channeling zen. 

I wished I didn’t have to be around a vampire. I didn’t think I was mentally ready to be certain of one’s identity and in close proximity to it. 

“I’m going to go lie down,” I said suddenly. I clenched my jaw when I realized my teeth were chattering.

“Alright, darling,” Renée said, “Let me know if you need anything.” I nodded quickly, letting my feet lead me back out into the hall away from all three of them. I just wanted to get away, somehow. I needed to be elsewhere. My slipper caught on something in the hall, and I stumbled. I heard something crash, and a startled cry.

“Maddie!” 

It was my mother’s voice, and I looked back down the hall to see the mug she was drinking out of had shattered on the floor. Renée was not concerned with that at all though. She was hurrying toward me, and I was suddenly aware that there was a thin silver line around the edge of my vision. When I turned my head, I saw evergreen trees towering over my head and beyond that, a black, asphalt road I recognized as the one that led straight to home.

I... shouldn’t be able to see Forks, wasn’t I at my mom’s house in Jacksonville? The silver edge was closing and my mom was closer now, but I could tell she wouldn’t make it in time. I was somewhat shell shocked by what was happening. 

“Mom, what’s... going on?” I asked, and the little hole into the hall closed, and I was suddenly alone. I wished I could say I knew what was going on, but my heart rate was already elevated from the anxiety I’d been feeling before, and suddenly teleporting wasn’t doing anything to quell that panic. 

The first thing I noticed was that it was a bit cold. I looked down at my thin, cotton pajama pants and white slippers. They were staining from the leaves that were underneath them. I looked over at the road, wrapping my arms around myself. 

I could walk home. It wasn’t ideal, but I was pretty sure it wasn’t any more than a twenty minute walk away. Had my own terror created a portal to safety? That didn’t seem like an ability that had been noted down in the grimoire, but Renée had also said that things would likely be a bit different for me since I no longer had a human half, well, humanizing me. I didn’t know if it meant humans naturally dampened magic, or if it was just that they felt it less. Sort of like how most people lost their sense of wonder with age.

My phone rang, waking me from my momentary stupor. I fumbled to pull it out of my pocket to flip it open. It was a genuine relief that I had it on me at all.

“Maddie! Do you know where you are?” My mother’s voice was hurried with concern. I still felt like I was gathering my thoughts. I swallowed and tried to keep my teeth from chattering.

“I... I think I’m in Forks,” I said slowly. My mother sucked in an audible breath. I took in a deep breath as well, holding it for a moment, and hoped it would help.

“Ok. Do you think you could do it again and come back?” 

I blinked.

Then I blinked again.

I hadn’t even realized I was using magic. Everything Renée had taught me used something corporeal to channel magic. I had never just,,, done something. I didn’t even know where I had pulled the magic from. Myself? That probably wouldn’t be inexpensive. Who knew how much of that I had available on a daily basis, and it usually didn’t seem like all that much. 

My head ached.

“I... I don’t know,” I said finally. 

“I don’t even know how I, uh, did it.” 

My mother sighed and clicked her tongue. I stared at the leaves beneath my slippers again. I felt like a child in more ways than one, and I wasn’t even able to see the expression she was making.

“Alright. You’ll have to call your dad, and, well, tell him everything.”

“Ev-everything?” 

“There’s no way you got all the way there in pj’s, Maddie. The truth will seem outlandish at first, but he’ll believe you,” she said, sounding tired. She had never intended to clue him in after all. I could understand the compulsion. It felt safer not to know. 

“I, uh, ok.” 

“Good, let me know when you’re safe at home. I love you.” Click. She hung up so quickly. I still felt like I was in shock. I stared at the blue light of my phone screen. I wanted to sit down, but the leaves were damp, so it probably was not a good idea. I stood there, taking in the forest around me. It was mid-morning, and I had barely been up for more than a few hours, which was the main reason I hadn’t even changed clothes yet. 

I took another deep breath, and even though I was temporarily stranded, I felt less frightened than I had in hours. I was also beginning to feel exhausted. Whatever I had just done had really taken a lot out of me. 

Coming partially to my senses, I began punching Charlie’s number into the phone. I yawned into the back of my hand as it rang. He picked up on the last ring, and I could hear noise from behind.

“Hey, Mads. I’m sorry but I’m still at work, would it be alright if I gave you a call back later?” His voice was gentle, but he also sounded stressed, so I nodded quickly before remembering it was a phone call.

“Ok,” I said.

“Sorry, bud. I love you, bye.”

“Love you too-” 

I blinked.

Oops. I stared at the trees again. This was one of those times where I was supposed to tell my parents where no, it was an emergency... huh. I’d never had one before. Was I supposed to call him back? What if he didn’t pick up? What was it he always told us... if he wasn’t available and we needed help, call Billy. But I didn’t...

I clicked through my phone history quickly. There it was. I still had his number. I barely made any calls on my cellphone, and well, I’d told my dad that I was ok. So I guess I would have to try again but with the back up plan number first.

I took another deep breath. There was a bit of a relief in my chest that Billy was at least aware of supernatural things, so this would actually be the easier conversation to have. I clicked the number and called. I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped he was home.

“Hello?” A woman’s voice. I... was this the wrong number?

“H-hi?” I started hesitantly, “Is this the Black residence?” 

“Yes, I’m Rachel Black,” the woman said. 

I blinked. 

“Is Billy or Jacob... home?” I asked, feeling more nervous. 

“Hey- what are you?” I heard her say, and there were muffled rustling noises as it sounded like the phone was taken from her.

“Maddie?” It was Jacob. I felt faint with relief.

“Hey... could you come get me?” I asked, feeling the words spill out with my relief, “I think, something went a little odd with my magic, and I tried calling Charlie- But he’s busy at the station right now. And it’s cold. I don’t really know where I am, it’s like close to the road that goes between the school and Charlie’s house, and I-”

“Hey, yeah. Of course,” Jacob spoke quickly, cutting me off, “Your teeth are chattering, wow. I’m coming now ok, so I’ll have to hang up.” 

“Ok. No problem, thank you,” I replied, sincerely.

“Anytime.” The line went dead, and I felt immensely relieved that I would be out of the cold and damp soon. It was a bit embarrassing that I was in my pajamas, but I would live. I needed the help. After all, it wasn’t like I could let myself into Charlie’s. All I had was my phone, and even that little was a great boon.

I walked closer to the road so I would be visible, and shifted back and forth on my feet. It wasn’t a long wait. I didn’t even see any other cars pass by before Jacob’s black truck pulled up. He pulled onto the dirt on the side of the road. I walked over quickly, stumbling as I forgot how treacherous the leaves were in shoes with nonexistent traction. 

Jacob hopped out of the car quickly, reaching for me as I came down the rest of the slope toward the car. I wove my arms in the air to help balance myself before grasping his hands and feeling more than a little embarrassed. He hauled me into a hug the moment our hands touched.

“You’re really here.” He tucked his face into my neck with a soft sigh, and I once again hardly knew what to do with my hands as he held me. He must have rushed over as quickly as he could out of worry. Jacob pulled back to look at my face with a searching expression.

“Are you okay?”

I nodded quickly.

“Mostly tired out. That was kind of a lot to...” I began. My eyelids were feeling quite suddenly very heavy.

“Kind of a lot of magic to use...” I said slowly, slumping more into Jacob’s warm arms. He was so warm, and I knew he was safe. 

“I’m very, very tired, actually.” He seemed somewhat aware of this as I was suddenly inside of the truck with Jacob leaning over me and buckling me in while my head rested on his chest.

“Did I doze off?” I asked, confused. 

“A little,” he hummed, “Your heart rate is okay, so you’re probably just tired like you said. Sleep, if you need to.” I set my head against the other side of the seat as he closed the passenger side door. I was really tired. I yawned as Jacob slid into the driver’s side.

“You can hear my heart?” I looked at him curiously. 

“If you’re close, and I focus,” Jacob said. I nodded. He had been able to hear people moving and talking inside of houses, so why not heart beats as well? 

I let my eyes fall closed again as Jacob pulled out onto the road. I was tired, after all.

Chapter Text

“Hey, we’re here.” Jacob woke me back up. I blinked, looking around. I was surprised to see that he had taken me back to my dad’s. I felt a bit better from my nap, but I was certain it hadn’t been all that long of one either. I was definitely still tired, but I didn’t feel like I would immediately start passing out again just yet.

“You brought me to my dad’s?” I asked, still somewhat confused. Jacob looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and he was definitely amused by the question. I glared at him.

“Did you want to go somewhere else?” 

“I don’t have my keys,” I said. He still looked somewhat amused.

“Did he not tell you about the spare?” 

I stared at Jacob with a blank expression, and he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. He sighed in resignation. It was really another thing in a long list of things that had been forgotten about in regards to myself. Really, it was my fault for not coming to see my dad in the summers like Bella. 

“Follow me.” We both got out of the truck, and Jacob led me up to the side entrance, opening up the screen door onto the covered porch. There was a wicker rug along with all kinds of tchotchkes on it. Jacob picked up a fat, green frog off of the wood next to one of the chairs and showed me the bottom of it. There really was a key there. I was at a loss for words. 

“Isn’t that kind of unsafe?” 

Jacob shrugged, taking the key and unlocking the door. I was kind of amazed that I was actually getting into the house in this way. My dad didn’t even know I was in Forks. What if I accidentally jump scared him before he got a chance to call me back?

“I think he was more worried about making sure you or Bella could get into the house if he wasn’t home,” he said. I nodded, and we stepped inside into the warm house. Charlie had left the kitchen light on when he’d left, so it wasn’t too terribly dark, despite how gray and dreary it was outside.

I looked at Jacob for a moment as the question returned to me from when I first called Billy’s number.

“Who’s Rachel?” 

Jacob immediately grimaced. I wondered if I shouldn’t have even asked. 

“My older sister,” he said as I kicked off my quite possibly ruined slippers. I wished I had socks the moment my feet touched the cool floor. Jacob closed the door behind us, and I was somewhat relieved he wasn’t immediately leaving. Though it sounded like he might want to.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.” I replied carefully, somewhat worried that I was poking at angry hornet’s nest. Jacob just sighed, looking at me with warm, dark brown eyes. It was a bit of a relief to see he wasn’t entirely bothered by the topic at hand. 

“I have two,” he said. “They’re twins, but one of them is married and is off living in Hawai’i. Rachel’s back for the first time in years so it’s, uh, been awhile since they’ve been around.” 

I could easily see that being the case with Bella as well. In fact, that was basically what she was doing. Marrying quickly and moving all the way to a school in Alaska or something? I felt bad that I hadn’t asked before, or even noticed photos of them before. 

“Paul imprinted on her,” Jacob said with a slight growl to his voice. I wasn’t very familiar with Paul, so I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond. However, it did seem like that was what was specifically bothering him.

“...and we do not like Paul?” I asked reluctantly. He smiled at me, and I felt my heart stutter in my chest.

“No, we do not.” 

I smiled back at him, wishing I could fan the heat off of my cheeks without being too obvious. I kept my hands tucked under my elbows. I needed a jacket or something, so I sighed and led Jacob up the stairs to my bedroom. It wasn’t like it was that big of a deal.

“So, uh...” Jacob spoke, lingering in the doorway to my room. It wasn’t like he hadn’t been alone in a room with me before, but I left him to do whatever he felt was necessary. 

“What did you mean by something going odd with your magic?” 

I paused, holding the thick cotton of a black hoodie in my hand for a moment instead of immediately wrapping it around myself. It was a relief that I had already gotten to tell Jacob some of this before, but it was truly becoming more complicated than I had thought it would be. I had thought big, magical spells were impossible. Yet, here I was, magically teleported across the country.

“I don’t know. I... I...” I pulled the hoodie off of the hanger and put it on, hoping the chill that had come over me as I thought back to the moment would subside if I did.

“I was just scared.” I admitted. Jacob tilted his head slightly. 

“I told you that it was safe there.” It was a gentle reminder. I tried to gather my thoughts as I opened my mouth again. 

“But Bella brought Edward with her!” I said and turned to him suddenly, feeling my eyes widen with the fright that I had been feeling again. 

“Into the home where I was supposed to be safe, and! And how could I be safe with him, if he has to wake her up when I got a nosebleed in my sleep? What if I knick myself or get a scrape, and he’s closer-” 

Jacob was suddenly hugging me again, tightly. I was suddenly aware of how much I was trembling. I squeezed my eyes shut as Jacob tucked his head into my neck again, breathing. I suddenly realized that he seemed just as nervous as I was feeling.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said with a firm tone. I wrapped my arms around him, suddenly realizing how much I needed this hug. It really was a relief that I was here now. I knew that Jacob would keep me safe. He had promised as much just by running across the country just to keep an eye on me in Florida.

“Me too.” I agreed in a soft voice. Jacob hummed happily, giving me a squeeze.

“I don’t know how I did it though. I just know how I was feeling, and then what happened.” I continued, trying my best to make sense of it all. 

“I don’t even know if I could do it again. My mom wanted me to go back, but I couldn’t. Even with how I was feeling when I first did, I knew it had taken a lot out of me. There’s probably going to be some sort of cost, more than just how tired I am right now, if the books my mom’s given me are anything to go by.” I explained. I felt like I was more of just airing my own worries rather than cluing Jacob in on anything. It was just all so new to me as well, that my grasp on everything was tenuous at best, and I had just run away from my best resource for all of it.

“What sort of cost?” Jacob asked, and he sounded worried. I was as well, but I was so caught up in my own thoughts about it all that I had forgotten how concerning the whole of it could be to others.

“Uh... well, something I can give, usually,” I answered slowly, trying to recall the books I’d read. They were mostly history and beginner knowledge of it all, so mostly I was trying to extrapolate off of that. 

“I’m not completely certain, to be honest, but I think it’ll be like how the wards need some - um - saliva or uh, blood,” I tried to explain, “But since I don’t feel faint or dehydrated... it’s probably a different something.” I didn’t add on what I was guessing it could be. I was fine for now, so there was no need to worry pointlessly until Jacob was also just as afraid as I was feeling. 

“Do you need to rest?” he asked, letting me out of his arms enough to look at me. It was clear that what I had said hadn’t done much to provide him comfort.

“I... I should try to stay awake at least until Charlie calls.” I replied. I hadn’t forgotten that he had told me that he’d call me back as soon as he could, and I doubted he’d forget. 

“I can wake you up when he does,” Jacob said, and I was suddenly aware of how worried I’d made him. I probably wouldn’t be able to get him to leave until Charlie got back, and who knew what my dad would think of that. There was no way he’d think it was all above board, even though it most certainly was, much to my own chagrin.

“I can’t make you do that.” I would certainly feel bad about it. Even if I was likely to start feeling worse as time went on. I pulled away from him to sit down on my bed. My legs were aching now, and I was beginning to feel a bit nauseous. All of the anxious energy was finally beginning to leave my body fully, and I was really starting to feel worse for wear. Maybe I did use up my own fluids to teleport. It made sense, although it did feel like the travel distance should have basically killed me. It was so far to go, even if the body was something like sixty percent, there was no way losing a big chunk of it wouldn’t immediately put someone into critical condition. 

“You aren’t making me do anything. I’m offering,” Jacob said, “Are you still feeling alright?” He hovered in a way that made it seem like he was holding himself back. From what, I could not begin to guess. 

“No, I’m... definitely starting to feel a bit...” I waved a hand to describe the feeling. I wanted to flop over and curl up until I felt better, but I probably needed to go drink something or eat a little bit. I didn’t really know which. I supposed it was another day of fighting the urge to curl up and die the moment I felt anything other than healthy.

Jacob helped me down to the kitchen and hovered over me in a worried way that I was starting to become familiar with. On one hand, it was nice to be worried over and wonderfully helpful since I was finding I barely had energy to really move much at all. 

I gulped down the water Jacob gave me. It was crisp and cool on my tongue, and I was immediately feeling marginally better than I had moments before.

“Better?” Jacob asked, touching a warm hand to my shoulder. I was a little surprised out of my thoughts and looked up at him. It was a bit odd to be alone in my dad’s house with him. Not a bad sort of odd, but I wasn’t exactly used to the fact that we were alone. The house was silent besides the quiet clicking of the analog clock in the kitchen.

“A bit,” I said, finding myself leaning into his warm hand. I couldn’t get over how warm he was. It had to be a werewolf thing. His hand moved from my shoulder to the nape of my neck and into my brown hair. It was calming, and my eyes fluttered closed as he rubbed absentmindedly at the base of my skull with a gentle hand, occasionally combing his fingers through my hair. 

“Did you still want to eat something?” 

I nodded slightly and found myself immediately disappointed when Jacob pulled his hand away. I opened my eyes to watch him take an apple from the bowl on the kitchen counter, wash it, and begin cutting it into slices on the wooden cutting board. I knew he had been over multiple times with Billy, but it was another thing altogether to see him move around the kitchen with such familiarity. It made it easy to imagine other things my heart craved. 

He set the plate of apple slices in front of me, and sat down in the other chair. I immediately felt somewhat embarrassed about the whole situation. He was taking such thorough care of me, like it was a matter of course, and I was deeply unfamiliar with receiving that from anyone who was not already my family, and even Bella wasn’t really even capable of being this attentive to me. 

To hide my own sudden discomfort, I quickly bit into one and nearly choked. Jacob laughed as I coughed but also refilled my cup. I quickly drank some, patting my chest.

“I didn’t realize you were so hungry.” 

I didn’t look over at him. I couldn’t even deny it, because then I would have to talk about the complex feelings I was having about my crush taking care of me. 

“Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up,” I said instead. I knew my face was probably as red as it could get, so I might as well just go with it. Jacob returned to sit in the same chair as before, watching me with interest as I worked my way through the apple. It was certainly embarrassing to be watched while eating, but there was still mirth in his eyes, so at least he probably was enjoying himself in his own weird way.

My phone rang suddenly, breaking the moment. I pulled it out of my pocket, fumbling with it as I did. The screen lit up with “Mom”, and I was suddenly very aware that I had not called her back to let her know that I was safe and fine. To be fair, I was a bit distracted with other things. I sighed, flipping the phone open. 

“Maddie, did you make it to Charlie's alright?” My mom sounded worried as she asked, and it was suddenly apparent to me that she was not fully confident that telling Charlie everything would go well. I was suddenly feeling nervous about the next phone call that awaited me. 

“Yes, um, he couldn’t get off work so someone else had to drop me off at the house,” I said. She sighed, sounding mildly irritated again.

“I’m glad you’re safe. How are you feeling?” 

I considered her words, glancing at Jacob. I was definitely not going to mention his presence, even though he could definitely hear the whole conversation. I didn’t think my mom would like knowing that I was at my dad’s alone... with a boy. I wasn’t even sure Charlie would be alright with that. I didn’t want to be at the house alone though.

“Tired and drained. My body’s feeling rather weak to be honest, but I’ve had some water and a little to eat,” I said after a moment, looking up at the clock because I could not look at Jacob for too long without feeling somewhat embarrassed.

“Alright, that’s good. Make sure to tell your dad to call me if you get worse. It’s honestly a relief you’re still conscious,” she said. I raised my eyebrows with a frown.

“What do you mean?” I asked, noticing my voice had pitched high. My mother hesitated for a moment, clearly taking a moment to consider her words more carefully than she initially had. When I glanced back over at Jacob, he also looked concerned again. I had barely gotten him to settle down before, and now it seemed like he was amped back up.

“Well, I’m not completely certain since it’s been a long time since anyone we’ve known about has done such a large feat on their own, but from what I’ve read, your magic will take as much as is asked of it even if it kills the caster. So, please, be more careful. You have to keep yourself in check, you can’t just forget to pay attention to what you’re doing. It’s... It’s so dangerous, Maddie, and you are so much more in tune with it all now. I should’ve taught both of you more about it sooner.” She sighed into the receiver.

“I do not think you’re out of the woods yet either. Get your dad to come home and keep a close eye on you as soon as you can. It’s an emergency. I don’t know how long it takes for magical exhaustion to appear, and I do not want you to be alone when it does.” 

I nodded along mutely as she spoke. I had never really heard my mother be so firm before. It was a bit of a strange feeling. I crunched through another apple slice because I didn’t know what else to do with myself. 

“I will.” I assured her, glancing over at Jacob cautiously. He wasn’t really looking at me anymore, and there was a hard set to his jaw. I wondered briefly what he was thinking. It was a bit of a relief that I hadn’t shooed him away before like I thought I maybe should have. I was feeling sleepy again and wiped an eye with a free hand. 

“Good,” Renée said. She sounded somewhat relieved after getting her spiel out. 

“I’ve got to let you go now. Bella and Edward are very confused about all this, and I believe they’ve got plenty more questions still. I’m glad you’re okay, sweetheart. I love you.”

“Love you too,” I responded automatically. I said goodbye to her and closed the phone and looked at Jacob again. I felt spent, and I was certainly not looking forward to having a long conversation with Charlie about everything. Maybe I did need to take a quick nap. 

I stood, keeping a hand on the dining table as I did. I waited for a moment to make sure I felt steady and started making my way towards the stairs. The moment I wobbled, Jacob’s arms were around me. It was a comfort, but I felt like I was being more of a problem to him than I wished I was. 

“I’m okay,” I said, patting his arm gently. 

“Sure you are.” He agreed in voice that told me he did not, in fact, agree. I wondered if he was upset. 

“I’m sorry,” I said before I could stop myself. I felt small and tired and a little bit weepy, but I wasn’t going to cry. Not right that second at least.

“Don’t be.” Jacob responded, keeping his hands out even though I wasn’t still walking forward or about to fall anymore. I stared at the floor.

“I’m being a burden.” I pointed out uncharitably.

“Not to me,” he said. I looked up at him, surprised. He had sounded so sure of himself when he said it, even though all of this had to be more trouble than it was worth. I was sick so often, and now I was even being hurt more than helped by my own blood. I had nearly killed myself just because I was scared. Right after doing the same thing because I didn’t want to be in love with someone who thought of me as their family. My chest hurt. 

His eyes met mine, and I wondered if I was just seeing what I wanted to see in his expression. He was so serious. His hand cupped my cheek, holding my face in place, and I couldn’t help but lean into the touch. His thumb idly caressed my cheek, and a part of me hoped he would kiss me.

“You’ll never be a burden to me. I want you to call me when you’re in danger or need help,” Jacob said, “Let me be there for you.” 

I was suddenly afraid I might cry. I couldn’t be cared for like this, not by him. It hurt. It hurt in such a way that was so sugar sweet that my teeth almost ached from it. 

“O-ok,” I said. My voice was hoarse as I spoke, and Jacob dropped his hand away from my face. I immediately missed the feeling of his touch. 

When I wobbled again, he didn’t hesitate again, sweeping me up into his arms and carrying me the rest of the way to my room. I was surprised to suddenly be pressed so firmly into him, and after staring up at him for a moment, I slowly let my head rest on his shoulder. I yawned as he walked into my bedroom. I was rather tired. I let myself be tucked into bed without another thought.