Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Seán fell back against the bed, panting hard. His skin was hot, flushed, and covered in a sheen of sweat. After a shit day this was exactly what he needed. Slowly, Felix lowered himself beside him, kissing down Seán’s neck and shoulders, like he hadn’t gotten enough of him in the past forty-five minutes they spent fucking. Humming softly, Seán reached up to run his fingers through Felix’s blond hair, he could be insatiable sometimes, Seán secretly loved that about him, he was attentive, protective, and far more sensitive than most people would give him credit for.

“Goddamn, are you still not done?” he chuckled, turning his head to press his lips to Felix’s which turned into a slow, lazy kiss.

“Shut up, you know you love it,” Felix finally countered, Seán just chuckled and gave him another little kiss.

“I do, and I love you.” There was a fond look in his eyes as he looked over at his boyfriend who smiled lazily back at him before settling in, pulling the covers up over them.

“So we’re not cleaning up, huh?” Seán shot Felix a look, the alpha just gave a shrug, eyes already shutting as he gently nuzzled into Seán’s neck, scenting him gently. Well, that answered that apparently. Though frankly, Seán was so tired that he didn’t care enough to bother getting up and wiping off, they could clean up in the morning. And hopefully, that included showering together. Odds were in his favor as Felix rarely turned down an offer to shower with Seán. An arm wrapped around him, pulling him in closer and he listened as Felix’s breathing evened out until Seán was sure he was asleep. He could feel sleep tugging him under too, it’d been a long day and they’d just gotten pretty intense in their little romp in the hay. Glancing to his side he caught one last glimpse of his alpha and wondered how he ever got so lucky.

---

Growing up back in Ireland, Seán had a fairly simple childhood, when he was old enough his father had explained sex to him in vague, simple terms. Both his parents were betas. As he later learned, betas made up the majority of the population, about seventy percent. All his siblings were betas, all his friends' parents were betas, the only omegas he knew were two older girls, closer in age to his youngest sister, who were the daughters of their closest neighbors, about a kilometer down the road. Back then he didn’t really understand what that term meant. Sure his parents dragged him off to mass on Sundays, the Bible had plenty of teachings about omegas being subservient, bearers of children, treasured but kept in their place.

At the same time, alphas were praised, they were oftentimes prophets in Biblical history, Moses, Isaiah, John the Baptist, Christ himself to name just a few. They were portrayed as being noble and powerful, but also as scheming Pharaohs and Romans. Outsiders who used their power for evil, oppressing Isarlites and executing Christians. It was a complex duality that he couldn’t fully appreciate during his time as an altar boy. Not that he paid that much attention either, it was just something he did Sunday mornings, usually after grumbling about how ‘dumb’ it was on the way in the car.

At that time the Church’s influence was still choking the consciousness of the country but that grip was slowly weakening. Omega Rights advocates and people just generally against the constant shadow of Catholicism looming over them were taking up more space, their voices growing louder and more present in the mainstream media. By the time Seán was in secondary school, there was a definite cultural shift in play, it interested him a bit, he later grew to appreciate it, but at the time he was more worried about when that growth spurt he was promised would kick in and whether Heather, the prettiest girl in his year, liked him or not.

Soon, both those questions would be answered, it wasn’t really going to happen and Heather had a crush on David, the best footballer in school. The first answer was more life-altering.

When he was fifteen, after growing some but not as much as he’d hoped, things changed. He was still a scrawny, twig of a kid but the summer after he turned fifteen, something he never expected happened, he presented as omega. His first heat was weak and brief but still terrified him. He didn’t say anything to anyone and tried to just stay in his room for three days and avoided everyone. By then though, his mother had realized something was off and confronted him, he’d broken down into tears and explained the horrifying thing that had happened, red-faced and embarrassed by every word that exited his mouth.

At first, she went very quiet before slowly standing up from where she perched on the edge of his bed to go to the door and quietly call for his father. There were some urgent-sounding whispers exchanged before they both came into his room, then they did their best to gently explain their overwhelming suspicion, Seán had was an omega. He’d been confused, ashamed, and terrified all at once. Omegas only made up about fifteen percent of the population and male omegas comprised only a fraction of that. Again, he’d started to cry, he didn’t want to be different, he didn’t want to be a misfit, he didn’t want to mate with an alpha or have children, he didn’t want to be teased and mocked for his status. It was humiliating, it was almost too much for him to even process and he’d spent the weeks leading up to classes starting in a state of depression and high anxiety. He kept himself isolated until he absolutely couldn’t anymore, save for the one doctor’s appointment that had confirmed, yes, he was an omega. That had been deeply upsetting as well.

Initially, his classmates didn’t seem to notice. He was still early into it, his scent had only changed slightly and betas weren’t as good at catching that sort of thing as alphas were. The only benefit to the situation with him being male was that his heats were further spaced out, only coming about every ninety or so days as opposed to closer to thirty-five or forty which was the norm for girls.

It was only when he was changing in the locker room before gym class that he was finally outed, his heat was kicking in, and unbeknownst to him, the back of his boxers had a wet spot from slick beginning to form. At first, a friend had noticed and made a crude joke. “Did you shit your pants or are you some bitch in heat?” His cheeks immediately began to burn and he felt like crumpling to the ground and crying as an intense wave of panic washed over him. His friend must have noticed because he, and the rest of the boys around, looked on with dawning shock spreading over their features. Forcing back tears, he’d gotten changed back into his street clothes and rushed off to the nurse’s office. After staying home the remaining days of the week, he only returned the next Monday, ready to be taunted and harassed. A bit of that did happen, but his friends stuck by him. The friend who made the joke apologized, with sincere regret on his face and it was then Seán realized he wasn’t totally cursed. People still laughed at his jokes, he still got asked to hang out with his pals, only a few people turned him into the butt of jokes but with the support of people who cared about him, he learned to ignore it.

By the time he graduated at eighteen, he had more confidence, he’d come into his own more, had a brighter outlook, and had even grown a little taller. Sure his hips were a tiny bit wider and he was still relatively thin, but he was happy. He looked forward to the future again and knew his status wasn’t something he’d let hold him back in life. At that point he was even dating a beta girl who wasn’t bothered by the fact he was an omega. Over time he spent more energy researching Omega Rights, it helped him find his voice and shaped his perceptions of things, he tried to erase every negative conception or stereotype of omegas that he’d ever learned out of his mind. It was his designation but it wasn’t his destiny, he was willing to fight to get where he wanted to be and do what he wanted to do and fuck anyone who said the opposite. He felt more empowered, he felt ready to take on the world.

---

In college, Seán only continued to come into his own more, he made friends, had a girlfriend, was studying something that, at the time, interested him and things went relatively well the first year or so. He had even more freedom to be himself and do what he wanted, though it wasn’t without challenges though. In a bigger city with more people, he came across more alphas, there had only been about four that he went through secondary school with, all-male, and none of them had shown any interest in Seán other than to make fun of him. In Limerick it was different, he came across more omegas, all-female save for one guy he randomly met at a party at a friend’s place, he was a little older than Seán and more conventionally omega-looking, wider hips, short, soft features, that made Seán look positively butch in comparison but he was a good guy and they’d instantly connected and spent all night talking and commiserating. They kept in touch for years following. But in turn, more omegas in a population also meant more alphas and his interactions with them at first hadn’t been much better than in high school, just bad in a different way.

Drinking at a pub with friends one night, he was getting properly buzzed on shots of cheap liquor and beer, just talking and laughing and having a good time at a table with a bunch of classmates. At one point he’d gotten up to go to the bar and order another round but was quickly approached by a stranger probably about ten years his senior looking and sounding sloppy drunk as he leaned into Seán’s side, getting in way too close for his liking. “Yer a pretty little thing, aren’t ya?” The man was slurring, reeking of whiskey and cigarettes, practically breathing down Seán’s neck, making him lean away. It was too much but he wasn’t about to turn tail and leave either, he told the lads he’d order drinks and lecherous alphas or not he was going to do just that. “Ye’ been mated up yet or not?” The guy said, trying to lean in again but Seán stepped to the side to avoid him. “I’ve got a girlfriend, not interested.” It was the truth and he turned his back to the guy, hoping he would take a hint. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. “She ain’t an alpha now is she?” Seán did his best to ignore the man and waved down the bartender to place the order. “She ain’t got what ye’ really need.” Then he suddenly felt the guy’s fingers brush over a scent gland on Seán’s neck and at that point he had it and slapped the guy’s hand away. “Get the fuck offa me!” he turned and practically snarled, pushing the guy away with his shoulder. He’d been loud enough to get the attention of the people in the immediate vicinity, including the bartender and his friends. “I think you’ve had enough there, Pete, take your leave and let that kid alone,” the bartender said in a clear, stern voice, addressing the alpha who grumbled and gave Seán one last glance before stumbling his way out of the pub. One of his friends approached then, putting a hand on his shoulder and guiding him back to the table. Only then did he realize his hands were balled into fists and he was shaking slightly. The bartender had been kind enough to serve up his next beer on the house to apologize for the unruly patron but Seán barely drank any of it. By then he just wanted to go home and the rest of his friends quickly picked up on that and not much long after they parted ways, the tallest of the beta guys he’d been out with walked him home, seeming to understand he needed the feeling of security right about then. He left when they reached Seán’s room, giving him a light pat on the back in passing before going home himself.

That was about how most of his other interactions with alphas went at first. They either turned up their nose at him or tried to sell him on the notion that he basically needed their knot to survive. Was he curious about that? A little, but even with his designation he wasn’t interested in alphas, or men in general really. He could appreciate an attractive man but that’s usually about where it ended. All his relationships had been and continued to be with beta women. Sure, some girls he fancied weren’t interested in an omega guy but he shrugged it off every time and tried not to let it get to him because he was finding there were other women out there who were attracted to him.

It wasn’t until just before he dropped out of school that he met an alpha that was actually genuinely kind to him. The guy was polite, friendly, never made a pass at him, and was just a pleasant person in general. It was maybe the most positive thing that happened to him in those last two months or so away at school. Seeing first hand that not all alphas were arrogant, horny, knotheads. It helped heal a little something in him to finally see that but he didn’t stay in contact with the guy much longer as he returned home and sank into a depression, not reaching out to most of his old friends. He was embarrassed to talk to them, his friends from college were all still working on their degrees and being productive and his friends from back home were either doing their schooling as well or had jobs and making their way in the world already. Seán didn’t feel like he fit in either of them so he stopped trying and just resigned himself to the thought that he was just a useless fuck up and delved deeper into the internet and gaming in a search for community and as a source of comfort.

What seemed like the lowest point of his life shaped him in ways being happy never had, at some point, it seemed to light a fire under his ass. He was active in Omega Rights forums and started getting into YouTube, eventually beginning to record content himself, despite how awkward and slapdash it was at first. It was something to break up his days, meeting people like him made him feel not so alone and every positive comment made him feel proud. Slowly his confidence returned and he got stubborn with the slump he was in. He wasn’t going to let the negative thoughts win, he wasn’t going to let the depression dictate his life. No, he kept uploading and got more involved, reconnected with friends from his real-life too and eventually found the energy, stamina, and willpower to go back to school, for something entirely different, but he got back out, balancing getting coursework done and uploading content on a regular basis. Even though he earned his degree and yeah, that made him proud, he was still more invested in his channel and making it on his own that way. Things started to really come together for him then, he kept passing the goals he set and reaching milestone after milestone. In hindsight, it was a bit of a blur but he poured every bit of himself into his new passion and was amazed as it eventually paid off.

Chapter Text

The first time Seán ever saw Felix, he walked right past him. He was boarding a plane, apparently the same one that Felix was taking to PAX, Felix seated up front in business while Seán traveled to the back in coach. No one recognized him back then, so he didn’t worry about that in the slightest. At first, he’d thought he’d recognized Felix but he’d concurred the blond he saw was too short and too alpha to possibly be the guy whose channel he’d followed for years now. 

When he actually got to the convention, meeting Mark, Bob, and Wade in person for the first time, they were all exactly as he’d pictured them. It wasn’t until just before a panel that he was officially introduced to Felix and Seán realized he was the same guy he’d seen on the flight over. He felt stupid but kept his mouth shut about it, not wanting to insult Felix or make himself look so dumb. The more time they spent together after the convention, hanging out, going to dinner in big groups of friends, the more they got to know each other and began to hit it off. At the time, Seán hadn’t experienced any attraction to him, no butterflies, no love at first sight cliches. Besides, they were both pretty spoken for, Seán had just started talking to Signe, and Felix and Marzia had been together for quite some time by then. And while naturally Seán wanted to impress Felix, he had, without realizing it, done so much, at least in Seán’s eyes, to help him grow his channel and had been kind and gracious at every turn, he found Felix to be remarkably humble and normal in person. Maybe that’s why Seán hadn’t expected him to be an alpha. Felix could be a bit wild online but so was Seán. The guy he knew as PewDiePie was a lot more down-to-earth and mellow than he’d expected. Considering his initial interactions with alphas he didn’t expect someone he liked and admired so much to be one, especially without boasting about it online as well like some of them did. The whole group of them at PAX were loud, excitable people and even then, Felix wasn’t nearly as over the top as he was online. It was actually a really pleasant surprise.

For the longest time their relationship went well, friendly but professional, doing collabs and the like, it wasn’t until a few years later that their friendship really evolved and developed. When Seán first went to Brighton was when things took a bit of a turn. Seán wasn’t the only one meeting with Felix at his office in Brighton for the four-person VR collab Felix was planning, Brad and PJ would be there as well. Despite his insistence that he could take a cab from the airport to the office space, Felix wouldn’t have any parts of that and insisted on picking him up personally. They were pretty damn good friends by now but it still surprised him that Felix was so intent on handling the issue of getting Seán from the airport himself. He’d met Marzia by this point and she and Felix both insisted he stay with them for the few days he was in town and that was fine by him, he loved them, he loved the pugs, it would be a good time. Eventually, Seán gave up the airport argument because as stubborn as he was, Felix was just as stubborn, if not more so. Sometimes he was never sure if that was part of the alpha thing or just Felix’s personality in general. So Seán text Felix when his flight landed and Felix was almost on time to pick him up, not that waiting bothered him but this had been his point all along, Felix was busy and Seán was just taking time out of his day by needing a ride from the airport. As such, he immediately pointed that out when Felix did finally get there. He’d thrown the small bag he packed for those few days in the back of the car and had climbed in only to be greeted with a huge hug as Felix gently and very briefly, scented his neck. The hug he expected but not the other part of it. Yeah, Felix was an alpha and all that but he’d never actually scented Seán before. It wasn’t always a sexual thing, alphas could be possessive of any omega they became very close to, it was just weird to get the confirmation of how close of friends they were that way. Seán had managed to keep the surprise off his face and brushed it off at the time as not a big deal. Felix was still with Marzia, he was still with Signe, they were just friends, it was fine. 

“I’m going to film a bit while you’re here, put up a vlog to make up for the time I’ll be spending away from YouTube,” Felix explained to him once they were settled in the car. There was the consummate professional Seán knew. 

“It’s fine, I get it, I recorded a bit extra to make up for being gone too.” He understood the grind and Felix had just chuckled and nodded. That’s the one thing he loved about having friends who were also content creators, they understood what a mess his schedule could be and why he turned things down because he was too busy. As much as he loved his friends who worked a 9 to 5, they couldn’t fully wrap their heads around the pressures and struggles filming and uploading could sometimes present. Not that he didn’t love it, he did, it was his dream job but it came with a unique set of challenges.

When they had pulled up to the office, Felix had filmed a bit, acting like he had just picked Seán up and Seán had complained that England was just as cold and shitty as Ireland because he wasn’t about to admit that he actually might enjoy England, what sort of Irishman would he be then?

The rest of the day went smoothly, they all had fun doing the collab despite it being a bit of a logistical nightmare. None of them were especially good at the game they were trying but it was good fun. The rest of the night was spent ordering take-out, playing a few games together, and just talking and having some drinks. No one got drunk though, they had a schedule for the next day already. Nothing nearly as involved as the group VR thing but Brad and PJ still stuck around just for the hell of it. Initially, they had planned to go to the office first and film, what, Seán hadn’t been told precisely but it was something about a ‘game with consequences’, Brad and PJ didn’t seem to know much about it but Michael and Felix giggled any time they talked about it which made him just the slightest bit nervous. Yeah, he trusted Felix but he also had a sometimes odd idea of what ‘fun’ was, especially if it came down to getting views on a video so he wasn’t sure what to expect. 

Apparently, their plans changed that morning because it was unexpectedly sunny and mild that day so Marzia had insisted that it was the best time to show Seán around Brighton which they both seemed eager to do but Marzia especially was excited about it. Seán never minded hanging out with them as a couple, he would happily be their third wheel any time they got to spend time together. At Marzia’s insistence they had gone to an antique store she’d been to before, it didn’t seem like Felix’s favorite item on the itinerary but he filmed it and smiled most of the time, they both seemed rather fascinated with the odd items lying around the shop and if he was honest, Seán wound up enjoying himself too. Then it was a bit of shopping down a little side street, going to the pier, and other attractions, all with Marzia leading the way and Felix sporadically filming. Jack always turned it up a notch when the camera was on him which tended to make one or both of them laugh. It was actually a lovely start to the day, he was relaxed and really let himself enjoy the experience and began to see the appeal of the city and why the couple had decided to settle there.

After a few hours of just enjoying themselves, the weather turned a bit more grey and cold so they decided to head back, drop Marzia off, and then go back to the office for whatever Felix had planned. He finally fessed up then, the professional side seeming to stifle the inner prankster in him and said it was a game of Bop-It with electric nipple clamps. Considering Seán had brought a horse dildo as a ‘thank you for having me’ gift, he was down. Once he had Seán’s consent for the video he seemed pleased and took Edgar with them to shoot the video. It was a dumb idea but it would be funny and it would get views. Felix was planning some clickbait-y title already, one people probably wouldn’t believe until they watched the actual video. It was just another thing to pad his uploads with and Seán couldn’t fault him for that. He wished he had more opportunities to do shit like this in Ireland, just some good fun with friends that could be passed off as half-legitimate content.

 As it turned out, Felix had put more planning into this weird little idea of his than Seán had expected. They spent time working on the little programmable robot car that Felix had for Lord only knows what reason, with Felix’s cardboard cut-out gaffer’s taped to the top of it to carry in the box of electric nipple clamps. It took about an hour to get it right and it was all for maybe a 5 second bit of the video. Before that they’d filmed the over-the-top intro with Seán riding in on some motorized toy meant for kids, again he had to wonder why the fuck Felix had bought that in the first place. He wasn’t sure if Marzia’s love of collecting odd items had rubbed off on Felix or vice versa. Maybe they were both just the same brand of weird. If that was the case it was a match made in fucking heaven. This was far from a serious video though so Seán agreed to all of it. Not that either of them made any really serious stuff in the way of videos, but this was excessively silly.

After unpacking the nipple clamps that Seán decided looked a little too legit, it was all a descent into fuckery. The whole time Felix had been vlogging them setting up and throughout half the video they’d been cracking a ton of gay jokes at each other. Nothing mean-spirited but once they started they didn’t seem to be able to stop. Especially since they were two grown men, sitting together on a giant bean bag chair, wearing nipple clamps and shocking each other. Half of what was said would probably have to be cut just for the sheer lewdness of it all. This was already pushing the limits of what YouTube would probably tolerate and their added, overly sexual commentary wasn’t helping any. They were both yelping and howling in pain, legs kicking every time they shocked one another. At one point Seán had joked “I’m into it,” after he had ripped the clamps off, yelling that Felix had given him an intentionally bigger shock despite Felix insisting otherwise. From there the room devolved into a fit of laughter with Michael nearly dropping the camera. 

“Wait, are you serious?” Felix asked since there was obviously a lull in filming as Michael debated whether or not to just get a tripod out. 

“I think so, yeah, is that weird?” he chuckled, a bit nervous at what Felix’s reaction might be.

If anything Felix seemed genuinely curious, nostrils flaring slightly as he caught Seán’s scent. “Doesn’t make you wet though.”

That was honestly the first time Felix had ever even brought up the fact that Seán was an omega. Even the alpha friends he’d had before Felix had mentioned it long before Felix ever had. Took the fucker a full year and a half to even say something, and it wasn’t for lack of them being comfortable around each other. Or maybe it was for Felix, maybe this trip was a step forward for him in terms of their friendship, they’d been planning it for literally months and tried to find ways to make it sound halfway professional sounding. 

“No, it doesn’t, and keep that alpha nose of yours to yourself,” he said with a small chuckle, still feeling the slightest bit nervous. 

“You think it feels different to us because we’re opposites?” That was the nicest way Seán had heard any alpha phrase the differences between them.

“Probably does in a way I mean you hate it,” he pointed vaguely at Felix’s nipples to make his point.

“No, it’s not great, honestly not as bad as I expected but it doesn’t do anything for me, I guess mine are just for show,” Felix grinned at him before patting Seán’s chest in a friendly manner but also a little too hard, considering what they’d just been doing.

“Jaysus, take it easy!” Seán pulled away a little and Felix immediately apologized. With that, Michael was back, deciding he didn’t want to fuck around with a tripod and just suggested they continue on as they had been, so the game continued for about another forty-five minutes before they decided to call it quits. Felix resumed vlogging here and there through the rest of the night as the whole group of them, Marzia included, went out for dinner before returning to watch a few movies. Over the course of the evening, Seán felt himself feeling worse and worse, he felt warm and just not himself, it was strange and he couldn’t pinpoint it exactly. It wasn’t the food because he didn’t feel sick to his stomach so he figured it might be the flight in, recycled air with a bunch of people who could have any sort of bug. He tried to stay up, wanting to enjoy his last night here with his friends but he eventually excused himself and went to bed early.

The next day he woke up feeling the same and as much as he loved being with his friends, he also just wanted to go home and sleep for a week, or at least until whatever this was passed. Felix filmed a snippet of him dropping Seán off at the airport, the camera only recorded briefly, Felix said he didn’t want to ‘torture’ Seán when he didn’t feel well. As they pulled up to the entrance of the airport in space for drop-offs, Felix quickly grabbed Seán’s bag out of the car, he’d done the same thing back at the house, telling Seán he should be taking it easy. It wasn’t necessary but it was sweet so Seán went along with it. They parted with another hug and Felix scenting him quickly again, like he wanted to savor their last few moments together until Seán would be able to visit again. 

“Call me when you land, yeah?”

Sean nodded, managing to smile despite how tired he felt. “Of course, take care Fe’.”

“You do the same, and feel better,” Felix gave Seán’s back one last pat before returning to the car, they waved to each other as Felix pulled away and Seán turned to head through the airport.

Once he was back in Ireland, he called Felix to check in, it was just a brief exchange though as he walked through the airport to catch a cab back to his apartment. He still felt like shit and Signe had looked concerned when she greeted him at the door. She made a fuss over him, feeling his forehead and offering to take him to see a doctor at a clinic that would be open on the weekends. Seán refused, he didn’t feel that bad and all he really wanted to do was sleep. So Signe just took him to bed, stopping just short of tucking him in, and pressed a kiss to his cheek, promising to heat him some soup when he woke up again. 

About three hours passed before he woke up from a dream he couldn’t remember but had left him feeling on edge, he was in cold sweat despite his skin feeling hot, the sensation of heat pooling low in his belly, and the wet spot in the shorts he’d changed into to sleep let him know exactly what it was. He was in heat.

Great.

The last time Seán had been on suppressants was when he was in college. It was just for practicality, not wanting to miss classes anytime a heat rolled around. He didn’t like how they made him feel though, he gained about five pounds anytime he was on them and felt like he had less energy and was down in the dumps more often. So he opted not to take them. As an adult, he found ways to ride it out, with or without a partner. None of his girlfriends had said ‘no’ when he asked for help. There were certain personal aids, as some people would call them but in actuality were just sex toys, to help you get by. One vibrating plug in particular helped more than anything else, in fact he liked it so much he bought a second in case anything would ever happen to the first. None of the girls he dated had ever complained about being fucked silly while he was using it. The combination of which periodically over the three to four days it lasted seemed to do the trick. He’d also come across home remedies and tips on the internet as a teenager that he felt helped as well. There was a certain kind of tea that helped with the sweats, a combination of over-the-counter supplements and medications to take to dull the discomfort, and lists of foods to avoid. 

Calling for Signe, she came rushing in looking worried before Seán explained to her what was going on. His heats were usually like clockwork, about every eighty-seven days, lasting for about three days, at most four before passing as quickly as they came. This time it was about two weeks early and hit him stronger than he had experienced since it had started in his mid-teens. It was strange and Signe looked a bit concerned but he’d just asked her to make him the herbal tea that helped and to then join him in bed. She’d obliged and they’d addressed it as they normally did.

The damn thing lasted an entire week. 

Everything about this heat was different, it was more intense than he’d ever experienced and it threw him for a loop. After four days and it showing no sign of it letting up, he forced himself to record anyway, acting as casual and normal as he could despite how exhausted he was. He wouldn’t allow himself to get off his schedule for videos. After he finished filming he sent the footage off to Robin, saying to edit however he saw fit and just send it back. Normally Seán would review the finished project but this time he just uploaded it as quickly as possible.

Towards the end of the week when he was a bit more clear-headed, he checked out the videos Felix had filmed during his visit. They came out better than he expected and he was pleased with that, it included more of his sly remarks than he intended, he cracked jokes all the time but Felix seemed to put in quite a few of the ones Seán thought would be cut out.

“I’d fuck that guy in the asshole.”

“You have already.”

Maybe it was the heat but Seán blushed, he didn’t think Felix would want such an exchange on his channel but he was obviously okay with it and found it entertaining. 

“Jack if you’re watching this…”

Seán watched in complete shock as Felix blew kisses to the camera looking utterly pleased with himself.

“... top of the morning to you.”

And then a damned wink. That whole bit was completely unexpected but made something click in Seán’s head. 

Felix.

He’d been around Felix all weekend, getting close to him, touching each other a lot… And then he’d gone into heat, early and hard.

It made him feel a little uncomfortable to think about. He didn’t like Felix like that. He loved Signe, none of this made any sense. Except that it sort of did. Felix was already one of his dearest friends, and definitely the closest friend to him he’d ever had that was an alpha. And they’d been in close proximity for days on end. Seán decided it was purely biological, he wasn’t used to this sort of thing, it had just tricked his senses. Though if this was how he reacted to a few days with Felix, maybe he should look into trying suppressants again. There were newer, milder ones on the market than there had been years ago. He made a mental note to call his doctor once this was all over.

Chapter Text

Two months after his first trip to Brighton, Seán was back to film again. This time they’d planned much better, Seán was staying a few days more on this trip as Felix seemed to want to make the most of having everyone together and make a couple of videos. Cringemas went off without a hitch and ended wonderfully. They all had a blast and most importantly raised a ton of money from the event. The whole event saw Felix and Seán rough housing with each other on more than one occasion, getting entirely too close for two guys who both claimed to be straight, and touching each other frequently. Seán was just grateful he’d started suppressants ahead of the trip, because this was way more contact then they had on his last visit put together and he didn’t want to ruin anything by going into heat. But knowing that he was on suppressants meant he could play it up even more on the stream, climbing all over the alpha without fear of consequences. 

When they wrapped the first day, Felix had pulled Mark and Seán aside for a video they’d been planning for only a week or two. Once again it was just an excuse to pass off messing around with friends as content. Seán and Felix had an additional video planned for the day after Cringemas wrapped completely. 

It was after the Bottleflip Challenge, where Felix had won, that they sat around his office, having some coffee and just talking. 

“Your channel’s been doing really well, lately.” Felix began after a brief lull in conversation.

Seán nodded, taking a sip of his coffee and wondering where this was going. “Yeah it has, why have you been watching my sub count?” He meant it as a joke but Felix seemed fairly serious still.

“Yeah I have. You know, you should really consider the move, I think it’d be easier for you here.”

This again. Lately, Felix had really been hyping Brighton to Seán, trying to sway him into at least renting a place here if he wasn’t ready to commit to buying a home in another country just yet.

“You just want me to live next door so ye’ can come over to borrow a cup of sugar or use my WiFi password.”

Felix shrugged because if they were neighbors that would probably be the case. “Of course I wish you were closer, you’re one of my best friends, but it wouldn’t make sense for Ken or Mark to move here. For you it does make sense.”

Sighing, Seán had to agree with him. He had really grown to like Brighton and it would probably be a smart decision in the long run. Of course having Felix nearby was always a selling point. They could collab more or just plain hang out and it wouldn’t have to involve Seán hopping on a plane and staying in Felix and Marzia’s spare bedroom. 

That was another curious thing, Felix had invited Seán to stay with them while Mark stayed in a hotel. He wasn’t sure if that was just Mark and Felix’s personal preference or if it showed some sort of favoritism.

“I’ll be honest, I have been thinking about it. It’s just loads of work, hiring an estate agent, traveling to see places, working on the paperwork to move abroad…” Seán had actually been talking to his brother Malcolm about it, Malcolm had to jump through similar hoops when he moved from Ireland to France. He knew it was a ton of work and he had started taking baby steps into making things happen but he was still nervous to commit to it fully. Signe just kept saying she’d go anywhere with him as long as it was a smart decision, and at the end of the day it really was.

“I can put you in touch with the agent we used, she was really great.” Felix offered, eyes lighting up a bit because this was the most onboard with the whole idea Seán had been so far.

“Calm yer tits, it’s all still theoretical at this point,” he chuckled, finishing off his coffee in one last gulp.

Now Felix was grinning. “You calm yours, bitch, you still turned on from the other day?” 

Seán’s face fell immediately. Oh shit, the nipple pumps from the video they shot with Mark. He’d even been stupid enough, once again, to say he liked it. This weird little sex toy he’d enjoyed way more than the first one he’d tried in a video with Felix.

“You knew?” He was absolutely mortified, he should have known Felix would pick up on it, even if he hadn’t said anything at the time. Probably to spare Seán from further embarrassment by announcing it in front of everyone.

“Bro.” Felix tapped the side of his nose and gave Seán a look that screamed ‘obviously’. “Why do you think I got another nipple thing again? You were into it the first time and that one hurt like a bitch, I figured this would be more enjoyable.”

When he heard that he was beyond floored, Seán rubbed the back of his neck, still horribly embarrassed because he had gotten the slightest bit slick the other day and somehow Felix just knew. Even worse, Felix had been aiming for that to happen in some way. Seán really wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He wasn’t mad but it was a slightly uncomfortable thought to sit with. “You fucking alphas,” he grumbled, crossing his arms and feeling like he was somehow exposed in a way.

Felix seemed to pick up on his shift in mood and got up and plopped down on that dumb bean bag chair where Seán was seated, that same one they’d just been on the other day to film. “Hey, look, if I took it too far, I’m sorry.” He loosely wrapped an arm around Seán’s shoulders, thumb brushing lightly against one of Seán’s scent glands which made Seán involuntarily shiver. He was only just getting used to the idea of Felix scenting him, but now he was touching his neck like that.

Again, Felix seemed to realize he’d over stepped and let his hand go still. “Sorry, fuck, I promise, I’m not trying to be an idiot.”

Seán sighed and gave a nod. He understood Felix wasn’t like that, it was sometimes easy to forget he was an alpha because Felix wasn’t the way so many others were like. Despite appearances though, those instincts were buried away somewhere.

“I know you’re not my omega. I mean you’re not but at the same time, in a way, you kind of are.” Felix began slowly and Seán was willing to hear him out on this. “I never had an omega this close to me before, I’ve never been with one romantically so even though I’m straight and I love Marzia you sometimes throw me off my game is I guess what I’m saying. I know we’re just friends and I am so glad we’re friends, I love you, bro, but at the same time a part of me sees you and just thinks ‘mine’.”

“I understand where you’re coming from,” Seán said after a long pause. “Biology’s a bitch sometimes. I mean I obviously don’t mind being close to ye’ but sometimes it can be…overwhelming isn’t the right word for it because it’s not that bad a feeling but it can be a lot to handle.” 

“Exactly.”

“I guess that might be a little part of what scares me about moving too. If we’re so close to each other, how the fuck are we going to handle it?” Seán asked, looking over at Felix.

“Well it’s not like we’re in love or some shit, I’d never cheat on Marzia.”

“And I’d never cheat on Signe.”

“Right, so then I think we’ll just get used to being together, like become desensitized to it? Maybe I’m wrong but I think not seeing each other that often is maybe why we act stupid together sometimes.” Felix sighed softly and suddenly looked more tired than he had just a second ago.

“You might have a point there.” Relaxing a little, Seán leaned into Felix’s side and tipped his head back to rest on the Swede’s arm. He felt Felix sigh again, his thumb was gently brushing against Seán’s scent gland once more, but this time Seán found he didn’t mind. Airing everything out had helped a lot. Knowing where they both stood was comforting. They weren’t doing anything wrong, it was just tricky at times. They couldn’t help the way they were built and neither of them were about to act on any random impulse so it was good. “And for the record, it is nice to feel protected like I do around you.”

At that Felix let out a pleased hum and pulled Seán in just a little bit closer. “So, we’re good? Still bros, right?”

“Of course, bros ‘til the end. Just do me one favor?”

“Sure,” Felix said with a content smile.

“No more nipple toys.”

---

Not even six months later and Seán was unpacking his things in his new home in Brighton. The first thing he’d done was set up his office so he could resume filming as soon as possible. He’d had to bust his ass before the move to make enough content to get him through the week-long move in time he’d allotted himself. It was incredibly stressful and overwhelming but he felt good about it and once the dust settled he realized it had been the right decision.

Signe came along, naturally, and things continued to go well between them. Things had smoothed out between him and Felix too. The earlier controversy Felix had garnered with the media and Seán’s less than well-thought out reaction video had caused a temporary strain between the two of them. Their bond was tested but not broken and by the time they moved, Felix was welcoming them with open arms. Unfortunately the whole controversy seemed to leave Signe with a bad taste in her mouth when it came to Felix. She was polite and cordial with him still but more often than not turned down invitations to hang out with him and Marzia, leaving Seán to take trips to their home across the city on his own. It sucked being stuck in the middle and while Felix never commented on her absence, Seán knew he noticed and had probably connected the dots already. 

She tolerated Felix coming over to film a video over the summer. It was one of his ‘Five Weird Things Online’ videos. He kept saying it would be more fun to do with someone else so Seán had gone along with it. They set up in what he jokingly referred to as his “padded cell”, the new office he’d covered wall to wall in soundproofing. It was all mostly nonsense but that’s what those videos tended to be, Felix’s weird impulse buys that he got overly excited about. Though if he was honest, Seán was excited too.

When he saw Felix had bought costumes, he had to laugh, apparently he was supposed to be Peter Pan while Felix was in a skin tight bat costume. It only got the slightest bit awkward when they both stripped down to their boxers in the same room together. Seán really made a point not to look but he quickly realized that bat costume did nothing to hide anything, in fact it seemed to cling tighter than Felix’s boxers had on their own. For once Seán was grateful to be in something that was basically a dress. He bent down to get his costume out of the trash bag Felix had lugged everything over in and Felix had taken the opportunity to reach over him and smack Seán’s ass hard, the slap was loud and he had felt himself blushing.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t tell me you like that too!” Felix looked somewhat shocked like he hadn’t expected that response.

“Just keep your hands to yourself and let’s keep going.”

By the time they got to the Otamatones, they were both laughing like idiots again. Seán was genuinely excited to play with them. He’d seen videos of them but couldn’t justify the price for such a ridiculous item that he’d probably only mess about with once or twice. It was definitely more fun doing it with another person than it would have been alone. After seeing how happy he was with the damn thing Felix had told him to just keep it and Seán felt oddly special because of that.

Again, things took a bit of a turn when the Lazy Readers came out, Seán had been laughing so hard he was red in the face but then Felix had tried them on.

“Woah! It’s like I’m playing a video game. I see my knob as well, that’s great.” Felix had paused to not at all subtly adjust himself. Seán found his eyes naturally following the movement and yup, there it was, big as life. Shit, he was almost a little jealous, it was bigger than he’d expected it to be.

By far the stupidest product was the last one, the Totally Life Changing Bra. He found he could barely keep a straight face the whole time as they peeled off the backing to what was basically a stick on bra with lacing in the front. He later found out Felix had told Brad to blur Seán’s exposed chest like he actually had a pair of tits. It was all so stupid but people watched so who was the dumb one there? 

“Well this just became really gay,” Felix said, looking directly into Jack’s camera.

“You bought them, you made it gay, bro,” Seán had added, a comment that had been cut out of the finished product.

They stood around in the stupid bras that they were both pretty sure might rip off some of their chest hair when they removed them and played the Otamatones again. It was dumb but dumb content was pretty much what they trafficked in anyway. Once the camera was off, Felix still seemed to be full of idiotic impulses still and pretended he was motorboating Seán even though he was still completely flat chested, even with the bra on.

Felix pulled back, sputtering a little, nose wrinkled. “I think I got some of your hair in my mouth.”

Chuckling, Seán just shook his head. “That’s what happens when you fuck around with a real man!”

Felix still looked creeped out. “Such a weird feeling.”

It probably was but Seán couldn’t help laughing, “Well that’s what you get. C’mon, let’s put on real clothes again and clean this shit up.” The discarded items and packaging were all over the floor and after they got dressed, Felix helped him clean up and they had retired to the living room to play some video games for an hour or two before Felix headed home. Only then did Signe make an appearance.

Another exception Signe made on her Felix strike was for the alpha’s birthday where he filmed him and Seán drinking Irish whiskey. Though she seemed to be less than impressed with the evening as it ended with Seán and Felix both fairly drunk and Seán and Marzia both sitting in Felix’s lap at the same time for probably way too long than to be deemed normal. They’d been fairly well-behaved together up until that point, they were still close but tended not to climb all over one another unless there was a camera on them but this time had been different with alcohol in their systems. Signe wasn’t nearly as amused by their behavior as Marzia was and it had caused an argument the next day. He and Signe hardly ever argued and had never been in a real fight before but they came close to it this time. She didn’t like Seán being that touchy-feely with an alpha, regardless of who it was and Seán had defended himself by telling her he wasn’t doing anything wrong, that they were just friends, something she seemed a little dubious to accept. Eventually it blew over but it made Seán begin to question things between both him and Signe and him and Felix. No, there wasn’t any pining or unrequited love between him and the alpha so he chose to move on and tune out Signe’s frustrations.

Chapter Text

Despite all the positive change 2017 brought, it was also the year Seán struggled the most. His channel kept growing steadily but Adpocalypse was hurting everyone on the site. The entire platform was scrambling to find ways to keep money coming in and debating whether or not to change their content or jump ship. Seán had never once considered giving up though, he'd worked too hard to get where he was and he still loved making videos even with the added stress.

It didn't help that things were a little rocky with Signe as the year drew to a close. She had expressed a desire to return to Denmark for most of December and return after New Years. He was relieved that she invited him to go along but he just couldn't get into the spirit. Some of his family had offered to host him during the holiday as well but it just didn't feel right. He liked Christmas in general but the religious overtones could be frustrating to him.

So he opted to stay home and work through the break most people were taking, telling himself that he'd be ahead going into the new year and would be able to take a break then. It definitely didn't work out as well as he thought it would.

Knowing Seán wasn't coming with her, Signe had stayed in Brighton longer than initially planned as if she could just intuit something was off. At the time even Seán hadn't felt like things were that different, maybe he was a bit more worn down than usual but he'd been working constantly and simply chalked it up to that.

He made it up until the day of Christmas Eve before everything came crashing down. He didn’t want to wake up that morning, he didn’t want to get out of bed, or shower, and there was no content he absolutely had to make, nothing to keep his mind going. Both Signe and his brother called him but he let them go to voicemail, he didn’t feel like he even had the energy to speak to anyone. Christmas day wasn’t much better, this time he had texted people wishing them a happy Christmas and just explaining things away as him being tired, that he was just going to take time to rest even though he wasn’t sleeping right. He’d just curled up in bed the past two nights and cried rather than slept. There was a definite shift in his mood and normally he could just push through it and get things done but this time wasn’t the case. The entire day he was on the verge of tears or actually crying. It was miserable, he couldn’t remember ever feeling this low before. His thoughts just kept spiraling, getting darker and darker, he began questioning himself, his self-worth. Why the hell did he bother anymore? He was tired all the time and no one seemed to notice just how bad it was. Did he even matter that much if no one noticed? Maybe they just expected him to be ‘on’ all the time which he was finding he couldn’t live up to. Was there something wrong with him? Was he even worth anything when he couldn’t be the loud, lively Jack Septic Eye? Did anyone really like him when he wasn't?

Did he even deserve to be here? Was it worth being alive? Would anyone care if he just died? Would the exhaustion and hurt just stop if he was dead?

He actually began to think about how he’d do it. Probably with a knife, maybe get good and drunk first so he had the courage to just slice through a wrist or his neck. Simply imagining that brought him the first real comfort he’d felt in days and that's what snapped him out of it. Something was wrong with him, something was deeply, profoundly wrong. Never in his life had he seriously considered hurting himself much less committing suicide. It was terrifying and it shook him to his core. It brought on more hysterical sobbing because now he was angry at himself for even thinking that way, for being so weak. When he finally calmed down a little he realized he probably shouldn’t be alone right then but he was too piss scared to call an ambulance and be thrown in some psychiatric ward for God only knows how long.

So he called the first person he thought of, Felix.

In that situation, most people would call their family or their partner, but his family was all in Ireland and while he loved them, some weren’t always the most understanding. And as for Signe…well things had been a bit strained between them lately and he also didn’t want to worry her and ruin her time with her family. He knew Felix was still in Brighton and while he did feel guilty bothering him and potentially pulling him away from quality time with Marzia, he really needed someone in that moment and he knew they both would be forgiving. 

Dialing Felix with tears still in his eyes, the phone only rang twice before Felix picked up.

“Jack Spedicey! Happy Christmas! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you but I’m glad I did!” It sounded like Felix had already gotten into some whiskey. He was loud and happy and didn’t seem to mind Seán bothering him on one of the few nights a year he took for himself. 

“What’s going on? Miss me already?” He sounded so damn happy and for a moment Seán just considered hanging up and not bothering him further but then those dark, horrible thoughts started to swirl in his mind and he couldn’t stand it and hiccuped out a sob.

Seán could practically hear Felix’s expression changing. “Jack?” He was quieter now, more serious. “Jack, are you okay?”

With that, Seán burst into tears again, just sobbing down the line, absolutely inconsolable. He’d never cried in front of Felix before, not like this. His entire being hurt, he felt like he couldn’t breathe, and he was shaking.

“Jack, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?” Felix sounded instantly worried, borderline panicked. “Where are you? Are you at home?”

Sniffing a little, Seán took a deep breath and finally managed to speak. “‘M home, I just, I don’t know what’s wrong, it just hurts.”

“Do you need me to call an ambulance?”

“No, they’d just dump me in some madhouse and I’m not crazy! It just hurts! It hurts so much!" He was barely able to get the last few words out as tears started to sting his eyes again and he choked down another sob.

“Shit, we’re coming to get you okay, don’t hang up the phone. I’d come myself but I’ve had too much to drink for that to be a good idea, Marzia will drive, just stay with me Jack, okay? It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

Biting down on his bottom lip, he made a small noise of confirmation. He listened to Felix as he called for Marzia and said they needed to get Seán. He hadn’t heard her ask many questions, the worry in Felix’s voice seemed to be enough of an explanation for her. There was the sound of keys and the ignition starting and he felt a small sense of relief. They were really coming, Felix was coming for him.

“Just hang on, okay? We’re on our way now.” There was some muffled swearing in Swedish but he heard Marzia shushing him, obviously trying to keep Felix calm as he stayed on the phone with Seán.

Felix spoke on and off throughout the drive, Seán managed to speak a word or two at times but mostly settled for pathetic sounding “mhmm”s. Then finally, “Is your door unlocked? We’re almost there.”

Sniffing, Seán got up from where he’d collapsed sobbing earlier and went to the front door and unlocked it. “It’s open," he confirmed, his body still aching and his mind turbulent but almost numb at the same time. He was so stupid, so fucking stupid, ruining Felix and Marzia’s Christmas night with his bullshit. On an impulse pounded the heel of his palm into his temple, crumpling to the floor again, tears sliding down his cheeks once more as he cried silently, shaking hard.

“We’re here, I’m com-” Seán hung up the phone and let it drop to the floor, holding his head in his hands and feeling even more worthless. He didn’t deserve amazing friends like Felix and Marzia, he didn’t deserve anything, he was shit, he was worthless, he should have just gotten that fucking knife.

Then the door opened slowly and Felix was standing there, face a little flushed like it got after he’d been drinking for a while and he glanced around before seeing Seán on the floor. Hesitating for only a moment, he then rushed to Seán’s side and wrapped his arms around him. “It’s okay, I’m here, it’s gonna be okay.” He tenderly scented Seán like he needed it more than anything, as if it would calm his fears just to smell the omega again. “W-what happened?” Despite his initial greeting over the phone, Felix sounded completely sober now, his eyes and voice overwhelmed with worry.

“I don’t know.” Seán’s face fell like he was about to cry again. “Just been so fucking tired and I just couldn’t stop crying and then…” His shoulders began to shake as more tears fell but Felix just held him tighter. “I-I just kept thinking it’d be better if I was dead, that everyone would be better off if I just took a knife and-”

“Stop, okay, that’s not true, none of that is true.” Felix sounded even more distressed in person than he had over the phone. “I really want you to spend the night with us.”

Seán began to protest but Felix just shook his head. “Marzia agrees, just, please. It’ll make both of us feel a lot better knowing you’re not alone right now.”

A reluctant nod from Seán and Felix was pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m going to grab a few of your things you might need, just gimme a minute or two, okay?” Another nod and Felix was off like a flash, clamoring upstairs. True to his word, only about two, at most three minutes passed until he returned with some things shoved into the backpack Seán often took around with him while he was traveling. “Just lock up and we’ll get going.” Felix extended his free hand to help Seán up off the floor and easily pulled him up.

Grabbing his keys hung up by the door, Seán locked the front door, leaving the lights on, and made his way to Felix’s car. Marzia was driving and to his surprise Felix got in the back with him, buckling both of them in. He felt exhausted, like he’d already given up, and leaned into Felix’s side, causing the alpha to wrap an arm around his shoulders. Looking back at him in the rearview mirror, Marzia gave him a sad smile before pulling away and turning to head back home.

Once they arrived, Felix helped Seán in as well as grabbing his bag, Seán ached from head to toe and the support was actually welcome. As they went inside, Felix settled both himself and Seán down onto the sofa and Marzia announced she was going to make some tea. Felix looked like he had a million questions he wanted to ask but he settled for gently stroking Seán’s hair back and just studying his features. “You don’t have to talk about anything right now but I think at some point it’ll help if you do.” Nodding, Seán fiddled with his hands not able to meet Felix’s eyes just yet. “Just.. just know we both love you, a lot. And I’m glad you called instead of doing something bad.”

Felix still smelled a little like whiskey and Seán could see the abandoned bottle and glass on the coffee table along with a half-drunk glass of wine, definitely Marzia’s. 

Speaking of Marzia, she was back in record time with tea for everyone, Seán began to pick his up before he realized he was still shaking and set it back down again. “It’s okay, just take it easy for a minute.” Felix was now rubbing slow circles over his back and Seán let out a heavy sigh. He felt even more exhausted now than he had just a short time ago. Looking up, he noticed Marzia had taken a seat on a chair opposite the sofa, sipping her tea quietly and looking concerned but not saying anything.

After probably fifteen minutes of them sitting in silence, Seán finally dared to speak. “It’s just been so much lately. My content’s been shit, I’ve felt like shit, I just keep putting on a happy face for people and I can’t do it anymore.” More tears slid down his cheeks but he was quick to wipe them away.

“You’ve been overworking yourself, Jack, you do so much for everyone else, what was the last thing you did for yourself?” Marzia asked in that sweet, high-pitched voice of hers, looking deeply worried. Seán didn’t bother to look at Felix because if Marzia, the voice of reason, was this worried, Felix was probably going insane.

“Moving here,” he managed a half-hearted laugh before wiping more tears away. 

Almost immediately after he felt Felix pull him in closer before burying his face in Seán’s neck, taking deep breaths of his scent. At first, Seán went rigid, this was something they did now but never in front of anyone, much less one of their girlfriends.

Seeming to pick up on his fear Marzia giggled, waving him off. “He gets a little alpha over you, I get it, it’s fine.” She didn’t seem to just be saying that either, she truly meant it. It made Seán feel a little more comfortable and he leaned into Felix’s side more. Soon the alpha came up for air, gently wiping tears from Seán’s cheeks. 

“I’m sorry if I pressured you to move, if it was too much. And all of my bullshit you got caught up in. I’m sorry if that contributed to any of this, fuck, I’m so sorry, Jack.” Felix sighed, pressing a kiss to Jack’s temple, which Marzia didn’t even bat an eyelash at.

“It’s not you, I wanted to move here, and even if none of that happened I just.. I’d still be disappointed with myself. I’d still be upset with everything I didn’t do and everything I did wrong. I-it just fucking hit me the other day, what a fuck up I’ve been and it just feels like every bad thing that happened was my fault a-and today I kept thinking…” he trailed off, his breathing shaky and shoulders jumping up and down like he was about to start sobbing again.

“You’re worth so much more than what you feel like right now.” Felix insisted. 

Marzia nodded solemnly in agreement. “We love you so much. Everyone who knows you loves you.” She sounded a little choked up herself, then took a long sip of her tea, seeming to want to steady herself.

Sighing heavily, Seán just let himself lay propped up against Felix’s side. Very few people had seen him in such a fragile state before, he might be an omega but he also didn’t like appearing weak. He always forced on a smile to seem okay but right now he didn’t fight it. Even with Felix and Marzia watching him like this, he felt safe and very cared for. If this had to go a certain way, this was probably the best choice he could have made. Leaning forward, he was able to steady his hands enough to pick up his tea and take a few sips. He felt a little calmer, a little more clear-headed and he realized if no one else in the world cared whether he lived or died, this couple did, and that was enough to keep him going right now.

Edgar hopped up on the sofa beside him, snorting and wagging his curly tail. Seán set his tea down so he could pull the little black pug into his lap, stroking his back gently as Edgar made happy, grunting pug noises. Felix smiled down at him, scratching the dog under his squashed little chin. “See? Even Edgar loves you.”

“Edgar loves everyone.”

“Yeah, but he loves you enough for like ten people.”

It was true, when people came over to Felix’s, Edgar made his rounds to see everyone but tended to gravitate to Seán the most. 

Chuckling a little, Seán really, truly smiled for the first in what felt like days, if not weeks.

“It’s going to be okay, Jack, and until it is, you're welcome to stay with us,” Marzia added, looking pleased that Seán wasn’t being completely morose anymore.

The offer was beyond gracious and Seán didn’t feel like he deserved it, that he’d only throw off their holidays more but at the same time he had a feeling they’d worry more if he didn’t stay, Seán was even worried about his mental health if he was left to his own devices.

“Signe’s coming back on the second so I won’t be alone after that.” Marzia smiled, seeming a bit relieved. “So you’ll stay until then.” As soft and high as her voice was, the way she spoke then was somehow firm enough that Seán was nervous to argue the point.

“But I’ve got videos…”

Felix gave a half-hearted laugh and as Seán looked up at him, he could see the Swede rolling his eyes. “Like you probably don’t have half a dozen ready to post already.” It was true but Seán wasn’t ready to admit it. “Have Robin send them here and you can upload them if you really can’t help yourself but the bottom line is, you need a break.” And if Marzia had been firm, Felix was downright resolute in making Seán put work on the back burner for now.

“Thanks, guys,” he said softly, in response Edgar tried to lick his mouth and Seán pulled back because as much as he loved Edgar he wasn’t trying to get to first base with him. Everyone chuckled and Felix picked up Edgar and moved him to the other side of the sofa but Edgar wasn’t having it, he climbed back over Felix’s lap until he was back in Seán’s, snuffling and grunting until Seán began to pet him again.

The following minutes proceeded with Felix doing his ‘Edgar voice’, telling Seán how much Edgar loved him and wanted him to be happy, how he’d be so sad if Seán ever did something that made him go away forever. In a strange way, it was comforting, knowing his friends cared about him this much, that if he died people would actually miss him. It didn’t stop the self-loathing or depression completely but he wasn’t feeling suicidal anymore and that was a step in the right direction.

After a long while, he finally peeled himself away from Felix’s side, stretching and giving a yawn. “Would, uh, it be okay if I take a shower? Kinda been neglecting that and I don’t want to stink up your sheets.”

Marzia giggled and Felix got up to get the bathroom ready, taking Seán’s bag with him.

“Do you feel a little bit better?” her voice was so small but she looked so hopeful. He nodded slowly and a smile spread across her face. “You just need some rest and I think talking about it to someone will only help.” Seán nodded again, she was probably right but the idea of stepping away from his channel for any length of time made him anxious. But he never wanted to feel the way he did earlier ever again so if a few days off is what he needed, he’d do it.

“Spedicey Pie!” Felix called from upstairs, “Your shower awaits!”

“How do you put up with him?” Seán laughed but stood up anyway.

Grinning, Marzia shrugged her shoulders “Same way you do, love and patience.”

The comment stuck out to him a little but then Felix was screeching down the stairs, this time it was either Swedish or utter nonsense, and Seán knew the only way to shut him up was to get into the bathroom already. Climbing the stairs, he went to the second door on the left which he knew well enough by now was the guest bathroom. Towels were laid out, as were a set of his clothes, he was a little shocked how well Felix had seemed to do packing, especially as quick as he’d been. 

“Soap and shampoo and shit is already in there, if there’s anything you need, just yell.”

Seán didn’t take long in the shower even though it felt good, the hot water hitting his back and working out some of the tension. A shower after a period of not doing so always felt good but when he stepped out and dried off he felt more than refreshed. His mind felt clearer and his thoughts not as dark. He kicked himself for not having thought to do this at home. Though at home he’d been so bone-tired he wasn’t able to force himself to do it. Here he felt safe though, it was just a different experience altogether. Checking the clothes Felix left for him, he found a pair of sweatpants, boxers, and an old band t-shirt that he usually just wore around the house when he wasn’t doing anything. All had been folded in his dresser and he wondered if Felix had just packed from the drawers or if he’d searched elsewhere, not that Seán really cared, there wasn’t much he had to hide, especially not from Felix.

As he exited the bathroom, he saw Felix sitting on the floor, back against the wall next to the bathroom door. Seán frowned a little, apparently Felix had been worried enough to stay within earshot in case something happened. That was completely unexpected and Seán felt bad for making his friend worry so much. Seeing Seán, Felix immediately stood up, and gave him a soft smile, like this was totally normal. “Feel better?”

“Loads. Ye’ know you didn’t have to wait out here. I wouldn’t have done something stupid like hurt myself in your house.”

Felix just shook his head, “I know but I just felt better being out here. You ready for bed? Not to be a dick or anything but you look tired as fuck.”

It was accurate, Seán was tired from not sleeping properly and the whole emotional upheaval he’d just been through. “Yeah, bed sounds pretty damn good right about now.”

He started to make his way to the guest room but found Felix was following him. “I can do it myself, you know, ye’ don’t need to babysit me.” Felix completely ignored him and came in after him, shutting the door and turning down the covers on the bed. Sean found his phone charger was already plugged in beside the bed so he could charge his phone and rest it on the nightstand. Felix really had done a good job packing. It was a little awkward to see Felix standing there and as he climbed into bed but soon realized the alpha planned on joining him as he climbed in as well.

“Felix…” Seán wasn’t quite sure what to make of this development.

“I think we’ll both sleep better if you’re not alone.” He pulled his sweater off and tossed it aside, as he settled into the opposite side of the bed as Seán, looking exceptionally relaxed, all things considered, it’d definitely been a stressful evening for everyone involved. 

“What about Marzia?” 

“It was her suggestion, she went to bed while you were in the shower. If it makes you too uncomfortable though…” Felix was searching Seán’s face for an answer but Seán just sighed. It might be nice to have Felix there, he always felt protected when the alpha was around. Besides, this wasn’t too weird, right? They were still just pals, Seán had just had a bad night and his friend was worried about him, and if Marzia was okay with it…

“Sure, I just hope you don’t snore.”

Chuckling, Felix shook his head, “Never.”

Alright, maybe this wasn’t that weird, Seán plugged in his phone before turning the light off. He wasn’t quite sure what the protocol for this sort of thing was. The last time he’d passed out in bed with one of his buddies they’d both been hammered and fell asleep as soon as they hit the mattress. Laying on his side, he faced Felix, just able to make out the alpha’s features in the dark. Then Felix turned over as well so they were face to face, there was a long stretch of silence before Felix swore under his breath in what Seán assumed was Swedish, and wrapped an arm around Seán’s waist. Despite his better judgment, Seán moved in closer. That seemed to be all the permission needed for Felix to bury his face in Seán’s neck, scenting him deeply, nose brushing against the scent gland there which made Seán shiver just slightly.

It was nice because as much as he argued otherwise, Seán did recognize Felix as his alpha on some level. For the first time ever, he now leaned in to scent Felix as well. It was clean and masculine, and incredibly comforting, he instantly found himself relaxing. Soon he pulled back a little though and Felix settled for letting his fingers rub gentle circles over Seán’s neck.

“Are ye’ sure Marzia is okay with this?”

Felix nodded and didn’t stop touching him. “She understands.” That seemed to be an understatement, Marzia tolerated more than most people would when it came to their alpha partner being so close to an omega. “It’s like I said before, you’re not mine but you kind of are. She gets it.” That was more than Jack could say for Signe.

“And this doesn’t bother you? Being this close to another guy.”

“No, because it’s you. You’ve always been the exception, I thought that would be obvious by now. You’re about as mine as we can get.” In the dark Seán could still make out Felix grinning. “Does it bother you?”

Thinking it over for a moment, Seán had to admit he was surprisingly okay with all of this. “Nah, because if I’m practically yours then you’re mine as well.”

That seemed like all the explanation Felix needed and pulled Seán in a little closer. “Good, now try and get some rest, I’ll be here all night.”

With his head resting on Felix’s shoulder, Seán found it didn’t take him much longer to be able to drift into a quiet, dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

The bed shifted next to him but Seán barely opened his eyes, he could just barely remember where he was and why he was there. He’d had a complete mental breakdown and now he was at Felix and Marzia’s, after spending the night sleeping next to Felix. It sounded more like fiction than reality and his exhausted mind could barely keep up with it. Groaning a bit, he could see through the bleariness of sleep just enough to make out Felix climbing out of bed and picking his shirt off the floor from where he’d tossed aside the previous night.

“W’time’s it?” Seán mumbled, pulling the covers up over himself more, mourning the loss of Felix’s body heat beside him.

Checking a clock on the nightstand, Felix squinted, seeming to have some trouble waking up too. “Eighty-thirty, give or take.”

That pulled a sad moan from Seán as he retreated deeper under the covers. After the night he’d had, this was entirely too early to be awake. 

“You don’t have to get up yet, I’m just going to take a shower and then figure out what to do about breakfast, I’ll make plenty of coffee,” he was smiling softly but Seán was too entrenched in pillows to see it. “Come down when you’re ready, alright? No rush.”

The blanket was pulled back just slightly and a kiss was pressed to the top of his head before  Felix tucked him back into his little blanket cocoon and quietly left the room.

Seán slept for another two hours without stirring once. When he did wake, he could still smell Felix on the pillow he’d wrapped his arms around at some point, hugging it close to his body. He tried not to be worried by just how comforting Felix’s scent really was to him. Turning onto his back, he just laid there for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling and running through last night's events. He still felt a wearying sadness in him but it didn’t feel like it was swallowing him whole anymore. Only then could he appreciate that this was an old hurt, a long, slow-building one that had crept up on him until he couldn’t take it any longer. It had been so dark and deep he wondered what would have happened to him if he hadn’t reached out when he did.

“This is why people kill themselves,” he murmured to himself. He never really got it before, but now, it felt so real and tangible and that frightened him. 

Pushing those thoughts aside for the time being, he got out of bed, finding his bag Felix had packed and discovered it had a pair of jeans, another pair of boxers, socks, a hoodie, and another t-shirt, this shirt was one he wore fairly often and he wondered if Felix had known that or just packed whatever he could find in his hurry. Rummaging around a little he found his toothbrush, deodorant, and suppressants all in the same pocket. It was impressive that Felix had seemed to consider everything under pressure. He also was just the slightest bit embarrassed that Felix had either realized or just discovered Seán took suppressants. He could worry about that later though. 

He dressed himself in the items from the bag, the fresh boxers, jeans, the t-shirt, hoodie, and socks, applied deodorant, and quietly made his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth, then swallowed down his medication with a mouthful of water. He began to head downstairs, and as he did he could hear both Felix and Marzia talking and he immediately sensed they were talking about him. By now he was familiar enough with the house to know which stairs creaked and he avoided them as he silently made his way down, trying to pick up on their conversation.

“I really don’t know if we should be meddling with this, I love him too but it’s still his business.” 

“Marzia, he wanted to kill himself last night, I’m not about to just stand by and let him try it again.”

“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it.” That was probably the most offended Seán had ever heard her. “You can’t just make doctor's appointments for him though, Felix, I don’t even know if that’s legal!”

“No one questions that shit online as long as you say the right things.” Felix sounded frustrated as well.

“Yes, but maybe he doesn’t want to talk to a therapist online, maybe he’d prefer to go see someone in person.”

Felix scoffed audibly and Seán cringed, immediately feeling guilty for the strain he was obviously putting on the couple. “Please, have you met Jack? He doesn’t drive, he works from home and works himself too hard, there’s no way he’d keep up with seeing a therapist long term if he had to go into an office.”

That was actually a pretty fair assessment and Seán was surprised by the insight Felix seemed to have. Seán would like to give himself more credit and say he could keep up with office visits with a therapist but at some point it would get tiring having to ride-share there all the time and lining up his schedule for appointments could be a bitch… Damn, did Felix know him better than he knew himself?

“Maybe, but I think this scared him enough to make him want to go,” Marzia tried to cut in. She was also correct there.

“I don’t want him going home without having spoken to someone. I don’t trust Signe to keep up with this shit. We’ll get him a few appointments so he’s set up for a month or two until he’s in a better place to handle this himself.”

“Oh don’t start in on Signe again, Felix, that’s not fair.” 

Again? Felix had never once uttered anything negative about Signe in front of Seán but Marzia was making this sound like it wasn’t something new.

“What? You know it’s true, she doesn’t take care of him like-”

“Like you would?” Marzia’s voice sounded just the slightest bit bitter. “Felix, I know I can never fully understand the whole ‘alpha-omega thing’ no matter how much I try but he’s not yours, despite how much you may feel otherwise. Jack’s a grown man, he’s got a girlfriend, and as touchy and huggy as you may get, he’s not actually your omega.”

There was a long, dead silence before Felix finally spoke again “I’m not having this conversation with you right now, I’m calling to get him an appointment.” His voice was clipped and firm and Seán was quite sure he could hear Marzia sighing in the background.

By then Seán felt like he’d heard enough and made some noise as he came down the last few stairs, appearing as if he’d just risen.

Marzia immediately plastered a smile on her face and greeted him while Felix gave him a half-hearted smile, phone to his ear, and walked into his office. “He just has a call to make, he’ll be back soon,” she explained. Now Seán was wondering just how often she’d faked a smile for his benefit. Not wanting to let on he’d heard anything, Seán immediately went for the coffee pot, finding it was full, either Felix or Marzia had obviously started a fresh pot for him because Felix was probably long done with coffee by now.

“Remember where everything is?”

Hesitating, Seán had to think about which cupboard had mugs but opened the one on the right and found he was correct. “I think I got it, thanks Marz’,” he smiled back at her. She did look genuinely calmer than she had when he first walked into the kitchen. Pouring himself some coffee, he sat down at the table to her left.

“I’m going to be making a big Boxing Day dinner tonight, it’ll be nice to cook for more than just two people for once.” Seán had the privilege of experiencing Marzia’s cooking before and it was fantastic, he also knew she sometimes went a little overboard with making too much so he could see why she’d be happy for the company, even if it was unexpected.

Before he could respond, Felix came back into the room with a piece of paper and looking a little guilty.

“So Marzia and I were talking this morning and… Well, we were really hoping you’d be open to something like this,” he said, sliding the paper across the table. It was a printed schedule with Seán’s name on top with allotted time slots marked every Monday and Thursday with the name “Jennifer” beside each time. “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way,” Felix said, fidgeting a little. “You just scared me so bad, and I’m always here to listen if you need it but you should really think about talking to someone who actually knows what they’re doing.”

“A therapist,” Seán said, looking the paper over again.

“You can set any schedule you want with her, or someone else if you don’t like her but she sounded really nice. The first ten sessions are on there, I just really want you to get better.” Now Felix was rubbing the back of his neck in a way that gave away how anxious he truly was.

“Ye’ didn’t have to do that, Fe’ but I appreciate it, I really do, so thank you,” Seán said with a small smile, already feeling a little more hopeful.

“I need my Green PewDiePie, okay. I’m not letting you go that easy.” Felix was still standing, watching him and fidgeting so Seán stood and waved him in for a hug. Immediately Felix was wrapping his arms around him, clinging to Seán like he was the only thing grounding him.

“Just don’t leave me, Seán, not like that.” The fact Felix used his given name meant he was serious.

“M’not going anywhere, you’re going to be putting up with my shite for a long time to come.”

“Good.”

---

It really was a brilliant idea to have a therapist he could call in to. A good part of the next year Seán was planning to travel, touring, working on getting the clothing line off the ground with Mark, plus his regular content, it was a lot. Even though he made a lot of commitments, he also was able to relax his schedule a little. A lot of it was because of the help he was getting from Jennifer, a Scottish woman with a soft accent living in England. At first, it had been slightly awkward but as they worked together and got to know one another, Seán grew to really like her. She was also an omega, married to an alpha from Germany, and had two kids. She was a bit older than him but had a wicked sense of humor which he greatly appreciated. At first, they focused on his breakdown over Christmas but eventually began to talk about everything, from his stresses with work, his relationship problems, the occasional issues with his family, and everything in between. She had really encouraged him to make more time for himself, told him everything didn’t have to revolve around work. 

It took a while to sink in but eventually, he was able to do so. His anxiety was still there but it wasn’t throttling him like it had been and he’d worked through the worst of his depression, realizing burnout had been a huge contributing factor. Eventually he even began to talk about Felix, without naming names. Of course there were privacy laws but Seán sometimes felt like he couldn’t be too careful. At different times during their sessions he told Jennifer about how despite being straight he felt like Felix was his alpha and how it had started to rub Signe the wrong way and how he worried Marzia might grow fed up with the situation as well. She had explained sexuality is a spectrum and even the straightest of people probably had an exception or two, whether or not they met those exceptions was a different story though.

Hell, if Seán had just stayed in Ireland and gotten a job doing something he studied then he definitely never would have met Felix. It did make sense in a way but he doubted Felix would have the same feelings about the matter so he brushed it aside. 

Working with Jennifer did open his eyes to just how stagnant his relationship with Signe had become. So much so that they sat down and talked about it finally and over the course of several days realized neither one of them was getting what they wanted and needed from the other. For the first time ever, she admitted to being jealous of his friendship with Felix. When he reminded her Felix was just a friend and she was the one he went to sleep next to every night she just shook her head.

“There’s more to it. You just don’t see it yet.”

She was right, he didn’t see it, but after all was said and done, they made the agonizing decision to split up. They’d both cried over it together because Seán did love her, they just weren’t right for each and even though it was a mutual decision it still hurt. After it happened, Seán had kept quiet about it for months online, only telling his closest friends and family about the break-up. It was hard but necessary and he got through it, though he was in no rush to begin dating again anytime soon. He was busy and still a little heartbroken and just wanted to focus on his own well-being for a while.

During that time he saw friends as much as he could, enjoying not being entirely married to his channel for the first in years. He did a few collabs, but not many, he was on the go so much he mostly just tended to his own content. For now, things were going well, or he thought they were. He thought everyone around him was thriving but while playing a game with Felix a few months after he ended things with Signe, he found out that wasn’t entirely true. They were just having fun that afternoon, messing around and chatting as they played Minecraft for a lack of better things to do, no recording, just hanging out.

“Just so you know I need to get going in about fifteen minutes.”

Seán perked up a little at that and checked the time, almost 5 pm. “What’s going on tonight?”

Felix sighed and stayed quiet for a moment. Seán really thought he’d be left hanging before he just barely heard the Swede speak.

“I have a thing with Marzia.”

“Ooh, date night?” he giggled like an idiot teenager, clearly teasing but Felix didn’t crack a smile, in fact, he looked even more unhappy than before.

“I wish. Fucking couples counseling.”

Wait. What?

“Sorry, I -uh, didn’t realize you guys did that stuff. There’s no shame in it, man, you know I talk to someone at least once a week now.”

Felix sighed heavily and shook his head. “We don’t, I mean we didn’t... Not until recently anyway.”

Biting down on his bottom lip, Seán wasn’t quite sure how to react. He didn’t want to interfere but he also wanted to be supportive.

“You guys okay? I mean, did something happen?”

There was another stretch of silence where Felix seemed to deliberate whether to say something or not. “I proposed, on our last trip to Japan, she… she said ‘no’.”

Now Seán was the silent one, Felix had never shared that with him up until now, neither that he was planning to propose nor that Marzia turned him down and that trip was almost a month ago.

“Did she say why she said ‘no’?” He could hear Felix’s fingers drumming on his desk the way he would do when he felt antsy and didn’t know what to do with his hands. 

“She said we needed to work shit out before we got engaged. I had no idea what she meant but when I asked her she came up with some shit about feeling like she could never give me what I truly needed.”

“So maybe she’s just feeling a little insecure? Therapy could definitely help with that I think.”

Seán watched as Felix sunk deeper into his chair. “I don’t know, Jack, she’s been on about this for months now, that I’ll never be happy with “just a beta”.” Felix moved his fingers in air quotes around what Marzia had said. “I’m so sick of it, she acts like I’m too stupid to even know what I want.”

This was all news to Seán and he struggled to find something to say. “I know that must hurt a lot, bro but maybe she does just need some reassurance, maybe you’ll both get something out of seeing a professional.”

“Yeah, maybe. Tell me next time you’re free to hang and maybe we can have a few drinks and I’ll update you. I miss you.” This time Felix smiled. “But I gotta get going, text you later, Spedicey.”

---

True to his word, Felix did text Seán several hours later.

How much longer are you home?

Seán actually had to check the calendar on his phone to see because he’d been running around like a mad man for months and could barely keep it all straight. 

About another month, why do you ask?

There was a small pause and he continued to flip through the Netflix menu as he was stretched out the sofa. Then his phone buzzed again.

I really want to see you. This house feels claustrophobic lately. Everything feels so negative.

Seán frowned, it sounded like Felix and Marzia were having more troubles than Felix had ever let on before.

Well I only have a little bit to record tomorrow morning, you’re welcome to come over after that. 

Same, maybe around one?

Absolutely, I’ve got some Connemara with your name on it.

:)

With that, his phone went quiet and Seán settled on a movie to watch.

Chapter Text

Over the remaining weeks that Seán was still in Brighton, Felix visited frequently, at least three times a week, often bringing Edgar which Seán didn’t mind at all. Felix opened up at times about his relationship issues with Marzia but never tended to get into it too deep. It seemed like he just wanted company and comfort which he apparently wasn’t getting much of at home from the way he described things. It was disheartening to see a couple he’d always thought was so rock solid drifting apart. And as excited as he was to go away to LA and see friends and work on bigger projects, it was also hard because it meant leaving Felix. Normally that wouldn’t worry him so much but Felix seemed to be so down and struggling to keep it all together, even if the quality of his videos didn’t falter one bit. Still, there was a tangible sadness to him whenever they were together despite how much Felix might smile and laugh.

The trip wasn’t something he could go back on though, not when he had so many things already lined up, so he took the flight to LA and got set up in the rental home he had and tried not to worry too much about his friend back in Brighton.

It was all going really well for the first two weeks, but then one night he was woken in the middle of the night by his phone ringing. At first he ignored it, rolling over and trying to tune it out. It stopped and he let out a soft sigh, ready to go back to sleep. Then the ringing began again and Seán wasn’t sure if he should be annoyed or worried that someone was calling him this late. Turning, he grabbed his phone, eyes bleary but able to make out Felix’s name as well as a photo of the Swede pretending to kiss Edgar.

Never in the entire time Seán had known Felix did he call in the middle of the night like this. Maybe he’d forgotten about the time difference but something in the pit of Seán’s stomach told him that wasn’t the case. Sliding his thumb over the screen to answer, he held his phone to his ear.

“Fe’? Is something wrong? It’s late.”

There was silence for a minute, Seán was beginning to wonder if Felix dialed him by mistake and moved to hang up the phone before he heard a voice on the other end so small he never would have pegged it for being Felix.

“ It’s over .”

Sitting up a bit more in bed, Seán instantly knew something was wrong.

“What are ye’ talking about, what’s over?” Fumbling around, Seán felt for the lamp on the bedside table and managed to turn it on.

“ Me and Marzia, she… ” There was a small hiccup that sounded like crying and if Seán was worried before, now he was panicked. He’d only seen Felix cry once before, it wasn’t something that happened often and when it did, it was serious.

“Felix, talk to me. What happened with Marzia?”

Another pause and some sniffling and he finally got his answer. “We broke up, she-she left.”

Even though he knew Felix and Marzia were going through a rough patch, he figured that’s all it was, a rough patch. For some reason he never even thought that they might actually break up.

“Holy shit, Fe’, I’m so sorry.” Seán was at a loss, he wished he could just hop in a cab and go to the alpha’s house and hug him but now they were an entire continent apart. “What can I do?” Shit, he couldn’t do anything where he was and in the middle of the night.

“ Nothing, I just… I just needed to hear your voice .” Felix’s voice still sounded small, abnormally quiet and so, so broken.

“Fuck, I wish I was home, I…” he trailed off, because it was useless just hoping and wishing when he couldn’t do anything to change the situation.

“ I don’t want to be here alone .”

“Can you call Brad or Michael, maybe PJ?” Seán was trying to run down a mental list of friends that they had in England and which ones Felix might be comfortable around when he was in such a state.

“ I just want to see you .” That made Seán’s heart absolutely break and he was once again at a loss.

“I wish I could come home…” But he couldn’t.

“ I know, I just… fuck I’m so stupid, I shouldn’t have called you in the middle of the night like this, I’m sorry .”

“You’re not stupid, Felix, you’re hurting, and if it were up to me I’d be on your doorstep this very second.”

Felix sighed and Seán heard him shifting a bit. “ Maybe I can be on yours .”

“What?”

“ I could catch a flight, Brad could probably watch Edgar, Marzia took Maya... ” 

Seán began to worry then, was Felix really that desperate and if he was, was he safe to be alone right now?

“Felix…”

“ Fuck, I’m sorry, I can’t ask that of you. You’re busy, you’re having a good time, you should enjoy yourself and not worry about me moping around like a little bitch .” Felix’s voice broke on the last word and Seán knew he was crying again.

“What about your channel?”

“ I don’t give a fuck about that right now, I couldn’t fake my way through a video now, not through this .”

He had a fair point. “If you think it’ll help, you’re more than welcome to come here.”

“ No, that’s too much to ask I can’t, you’re- ”

“Felix, listen to me, if ye’ don’t have yer ass on a plane in the next twelve hours, then I will.”

There was a humorless laugh on the other end of the line.

“I’m serious.” Seán said, trying to sound firm despite only being half awake.

“ I- Okay, I’ll book a flight now. You’re… you’re a good bro, Jack .”

“I know, you can thank me later when I’ve gotten my beauty rest.”

Another half-hearted laugh. “ Seriously, I don’t know what I do without you, Jack .”

Seán actually found himself smiling a little bit when he heard that. “Do you need me to stay on with you, you’re not planning on doing anything stupid, right?” Felix had never, ever expressed any inclination that he might harm himself before but break ups were painful and he wanted to make sure Felix was safe above all else.

“ No, nothing like that. Stupidest thing I’m about to do is book a flight .”

It was a little insane when Seán thought about it but if Felix needed him, Seán was there, no questions asked. “Just remember I love you, bro, we’re gonna get through this.”

There was another pause before Felix spoke again, “ Love you too, Jack. Look I’ll let you get some rest, I’ll call again when I’m on my way .”

“Ye’ sure you’re going to be okay?”

“ I am now, talk to you soon, and thank you .” And just like that, Felix hung up.

---

When Seán awoke properly the next morning, he had a text from Felix saying he’d be landing around noon in LAX. Thankfully he didn’t have much planned that day other than recording a video and then going to a meeting with Mark around three about the clothing company. That’d give him just enough time to get the video done, send the footage off to Robin, and get Felix settled before he had to leave. He and Mark had talked about maybe doing dinner together that night but Seán already knew he’d come up with an excuse to get out of it. It would be hard to enjoy himself knowing Felix was moping about in Seán’s rental all alone. Besides, he did miss the dumb Swede and Felix clearly needed him if he was willing to drop everything and fly halfway around the world just to see Seán.

The video was his typical fare but he kept a close eye on the time to make sure he’d be ready for when Felix showed up. Not forty-five minutes after stopping recording there was a knock and a loud “Spedicy!” yelled from outside the front door. Grinning like mad, Seán stepped away from his computer and rushed to get the door, and there stood Felix. Seán was proud of himself for not letting his smile falter even though Felix looked like he was half-zombie. His coloring wasn’t good, he had bags under his eyes and his posture was like that of someone who’d already thrown in the towel. It was disconcerting to see. 

Either way, Seán let him in, Felix setting down one checked bag and one carry-on bag before immediately wrapping his arms around Seán, hugging him tight and lifting him a few inches off the ground. For someone who looked half-dead, Felix was still damn strong. The second he set Seán down though, he was nuzzling into the side of his neck and scenting him, still clinging to him like he was afraid to let go. So Seán just stroked Felix’s hair back gently and let the alpha nose around his neck, something that seemed to be instantly relaxing to Felix. Not that Seán could judge, being hugged like this and embraced by a warm alpha with a familiar scent was comforting in a way he simply couldn’t describe. It was like a few moments of blissed out inner peace where everything was right with the world.

It took Felix a full minute or two before he relaxed his grip on Seán. “It’s good to see you, I missed your dumb potato face and patchy beard.” Felix smiled, and only Felix could say something like that and have it come across as purely affectionate, because it was.

“Yeah, well at least you’re keeping your beard trimmed, I don’t want the neighbors calling the cops thinking there’s a homeless person squatting here.” Seán smirked.

“Please, I’m Pewdiepie, they should be so lucky to have me breaking and entering next door.”

“And so humble too, ladies and gentleman!” Seán announced to absolutely no one.

Reaching around Seán, Felix smacked his ass hard. “Don’t be a little bitch, Jack.”

“I only speak the truth.”

Narrowing his eyes, Felix lowered his head a little before lunging at Seán in a way he’d seen one too many times before. This time Felix had more muscle on him and easily threw Seán over his shoulder. “Now, what were you saying, Jackaboy?”

“Okay, you’ve been working out, I get it,” Sean grunted.

“Not what I wanted to hear.”

Grumbling, Seán knew there was only one thing that would get him down short of kicking Felix in the balls which was too cruel for even Seán to consider. “Fine, I’m jealous of yer Viking blood and ye’ are the greatest YouTuber of all time,” he all but groaned.

Then Seán was deposited onto the sofa, with a soft grunt, Seán practically pouting and Felix grinning like an idiot.

“You’re an ass, Viking boy.” 

“You love me and my ass.” Felix smiled, sitting down next to Seán and wrapping an arm around him. Despite being annoyed, Seán leaned into Felix’s side, head resting on his shoulder and letting himself take in the alpha’s scent. It really did make him feel relaxed to be this close to the person he unofficially considered him alpha. Humming softly, Felix ran his fingers through Seán’s hair that was longer than he usually let it get. “How much longer do we have before your meeting?”

Checking his watch Seán glanced at the time, “A little over an hour. That’s one thing that sucks about LA, it takes fucking forever to get anywhere.” Seán was used to being able to walk everywhere. Shit, he didn’t even have a driver’s license, he relied on Uber or even buses to get around and he didn’t mind that in the least but hardly anyone got by like Seán did in LA. So far he’d been frequenting Uber or taking up offers from friends who were local and drove. “Mark’s supposed to get here around two-ish, should probably be back around five.” He was saying this more to give Felix a warning, he wasn’t sure who knew about Felix and Marzia breaking up and he doubted anyone knew that Felix was in LA or exactly why he was there.

As he studied Felix’s face, he didn’t seem to be all that worried.

“Have you told anyone else yet?”

Felix sighed and stretched a little but kept Seán held close to his side. “My parents, sister, you, Ken, Brad, that’s pretty much it.”

“So that means I shouldn’t say anything to Mark.” Seán just wanted to sort this all out now so he didn’t accidentally fuck it up.

“I don’t care if Mark knows, I just don’t want him spreading it around.”

That was understandable, neither Felix or Marzia had made a public statement yet and the hurt was still very fresh. 

“Is that your way of saying ye’ don’t want to tell him yourself?” 

There was a heavy sigh and Felix shook his head. “I’m tired of telling people and having them treat me like a kicked puppy. I’m a grown ass man, I don’t need sympathy.”

“But you do need support, that’s why you’re here, right?” Seán slowly slid an arm around Felix, trying to keep him calm.

“I need you , that’s why I’m here,” he admitted softly, ruffling Seán’s hair again before pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “You’re my omega, I just- No one calms me down like you do.” It was a soft confession that warmed Seán’s heart more than just a little. Honestly, he’d done a bit of the same when he and Signe broke up but there had also been the… Marzia-factor then and Seán hadn’t wanted to be overly clingy with someone else’s boyfriend. Now there was no worry about that but it still didn’t feel like a good thing, not when it wrecked Felix this badly. 

“Well, I’ll let you make your own calls on that Fe’. I’m here for you but I don’t feel comfortable speaking for ye’. I support whatever you want to do to handle this, but you need to be the one to take those steps.”

There was a brief nod before Felix pressed another kiss to his temple, scenting Seán a bit and letting out a pleased alpha rumble. “I appreciate you being here for me, Jack, more than you’ll ever know.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll bill you later.”

“You’re getting paid in G-Fuel and merch,” Felix smirked.

“That’s fair I guess,” God, Seán could just curl up against Felix like this and take a nap. His sleep had been disrupted by the late night phone call but he was keeping up just fine anyway but something about being held by Felix was just so relaxing, however gay that might seem. But they were still just bros, right? One bro comforting another after a bad break up.

They just hung out like that until Mark called Seán to say he was almost there. Only then did he finally pull himself away from Felix, promising they’d order take out when he got back. Seán decided not to say anything to Mark about either the break up or Felix being in town. That wasn’t his mess to handle. Though when he got in the car, Mark’s nostrils had flared a little like he was catching a scent off Seán, Mark was a beta and his nose wasn’t as attuned to pheromones as an alpha or an omega but he did seem to recognize something. What it was, he didn’t say, just made a little face before pulling away and beginning to talk with Seán about nothing of real consequence.

It was almost 5:30 when Mark dropped him off again, Seán had given him a hug and thanked him before going inside. Felix was on the couch again but this time stretched out and in different clothes, he smelled fresher so Seán figured he must have taken a shower in the meantime.

“Hello, darling, I’m home from work,” he greeted with a little snicker and Felix rolled his eyes. 

“How’d the meeting go?” 

“Good, we were going over designs and pricing, suppliers, logistical stuff but it was still pretty fun.” Seán could have fun doing just about anything if his friends were involved. “Are ye’ hungry?”

“Fucking starving, bro. There used to be a nice little Japanese place around here that delivered, I wonder if they’re still a thing.”

Seán remembered back to Felix staying in LA for Scare Pewdiepie, hell, Seán had even flown out to shoot an episode but then the Wall Street Journal mess happened and it was never aired.

Pulling out his phone, Seán began to Google what was close and delivered but then Felix hooked two of his fingers in the belt loop of Seán’s shorts and pulled him into his lap. They usually only did this type of thing for laughs or when they were drunk but if Felix didn’t mind it, Seán didn’t either so he just sat in the alpha’s lap, head on his chest and angling his phone so Felix could see it as well.

“Keep scrolling,” Felix said softly, wrapping an arm around Seán’s waist. So Seán did, flicking his thumb over the screen a few times.

“Wait, there it is!” Felix sounded excited seeing the place was still around. “We’re ordering from there, you’ll love it, I promise.”

That went without saying, Seán wasn’t an overly picky eater and if Felix vouched for a Japanese place then it had to be good. 

“Order me some spicy tuna and a cup of miso, get anything you want, my treat.”

It always somehow ended up being Felix’s ‘treat’ but Seán didn’t feel like arguing it now. They both seemed to be in good moods, all things considered, so he let it go. Browsing the menu a bit he decided what he wanted, they ordered, Felix paid, and then they were left with Seán just sitting in Felix’s lap while they waited for their food.

“I had a question, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to or can’t.” Seán said after a while. Felix was rubbing gentle circles over his scent gland with his thumb.

“Is it about Marzia?”

“Yeah.”

Felix shifted a little and sighed but gave a slow nod. “Go ahead.”

“It seemed like you guys were working things out. What made her end it just like that?”

There was a stretch of silence as Felix seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “A couple of things I guess. Working too hard, drinking a little too much, not taking the best care of myself but what she really got hung up on was the damn biology shit.”

Nodding, Seán tried to process everything he was being told. “She was on about you needing an omega again?” Felix had confided in him about that before things got bad.

“Something like that, she thinks... I think she really believes things are happening that aren’t actually happening.”

“What, like cheating?” Seán knew Felix would have never dreamed of cheating on Marzia and Marzia never came across as the insecure or jealous type so he wasn’t sure what to think.

“Not exactly, she thinks I have feelings for someone else but that I somehow haven’t worked that out for myself yet.” Felix sounded tired, like he’d had this conversation many times before. “It’s like she thinks I’m an idiot and don’t even know who I’m attracted to or not.”

Swallowing past a lump in his throat, Seán had a sinking suspicion but he had to ask anyway. “Who does she think it is?” he looked into Felix’s eyes now but Felix blinked and looked away.

“She thinks I’m in love with you.”

And there it was, Seán instantly felt guilty, like he’d unknowingly played a role in all of this. “Fe’, I’m sorry, if I ever did anything that made her question things…”

There was a slow shake of Felix’s head. “This is gonna sound fucked up because as much as I love her with my whole fucking heart, I could never be without you either. Not that she made any ultimatums or anything but the thought of losing you hurts more than actually losing her. So yeah, I guess I get why she feels the way she does but…” Felix let out a heavy sigh and scented Seán lightly for comfort. “Whether we’re straight or not, whether we’re a couple or not, you’re my omega and nothing is going to change that, I don’t want to change that.”

Seán nodded before pressing a kiss to Felix’s cheek. “I’m just sorry it had to end this way.”

“You and me both.”

“But for the record, I could do a hell of a lot worse than being with you. I mean you pretty much are my alpha.”

“I know, and that honestly makes me really happy.” The tiniest of smiles curled Felix’s lips then.

“One day we’ll figure this shit out I think.” Seán mused.

“Yeah, one day.”

---

It was getting a little late, they’d eaten probably too much but it had been amazing food. After that they’d laid on the sofa together and watched bad movies, always keeping some sort of contact between one another, Felix often playing with Seán’s hair or brushing his fingers over his scent gland. It was all more enjoyable than Seán thought it would be.

At some point he yawned and stretched, beginning to feel tired after a relatively busy day, plus he had to shoot two videos tomorrow. “Well, you’re welcome to stay up but I’m heading to bed,” he said, sitting up right, pulling away from Felix’s side. “Guest room is totally untouched if you want to take your stuff up there.” Looking over at Felix, he caught him making a slight face. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Felix’s tone was softer than usual and he looked down.

“Fe’ you’re a terrible liar,” at least to Seán he was, he’d seen plenty of people buy into Felix’s bullshit but Seán was almost always able to tell.

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

Sighing, Seán shook his head, “To quote my therapist whenever I say I’m ‘fine’, it means “fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional”.”

Felix gave a humorless laugh at that.

“C’mon, just tell me, you don’t always have to be the stoic alpha, you know.” It seemed like Felix sometimes felt like he needed to be that way but Seán knew him well enough to know he was more sensitive and empathetic than he ever liked to let on.

“Was hoping I could maybe crash with you.” It sounded pained, like Seán was literally pulling teeth to get him to answer.

Brows raising a little, Seán had assumed Felix would want his space but he could understand that sleeping alone was maybe the last thing he wanted after Marzia walked out on him.

“Alright, then get yer arse up, and come to bed,” he gave Felix a pointed look until the Swede finally stood up. Making his way to the master bedroom of the rental home, Seán trusted Felix to follow him and heard footsteps behind him on the stairs. Entering the bedroom, Seán switched on a light and began to strip down and tried not feel self-conscious. He toed off his socks and shoved his shorts down and pulled off his t-shirt, leaving them all in a pile by the floor. Now he was just in his boxers, how he normally slept, especially in the warmth of Southern California. Felix made his way to the other side of the bed and stripped in the same manner Seán had before sitting on the edge of the bed like he wasn’t sure what to do next. 

“C’mon, don’t get cold feet on me now,” Seán teased as he pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. It’s not like this was the first time they’d done this before. It took a minute but Felix finally got into bed too and Seán turned off the light. It was completely silent for a minute before Seán turned to face Felix.

“Stop being shy and c’mere.” Seán grabbed Felix’s arm and pulled him in closer. That seemed to be all the encouragement the alpha needed before wrapping an arm tight around Seán’s waist and burying his face in Seán’s neck.

Seán reached an arm over Felix to rub circles over his back. “It’s going to be okay, man. I promise.”

All he got was a nod from Felix, his beard prickling against Seán’s neck in a way the omega had grown to appreciate. 

“Ye’ must be exhausted, so just take it easy and get some rest, m’not about to go anywhere.”

Another nod and Seán felt like he’d done everything he could in that moment, so he let his eyes shut and soon drifted off to sleep, Felix seeming to relax as well but still clung to him.

Chapter Text

One thing Seán didn’t appreciate about California was waking up there. The sun was entirely too bright and while he did have things to do today he could have done with an hour's more sleep. It wasn’t all bad though, his head was still on Felix’s left shoulder, his hand had somehow moved in his sleep to rest on the alpha’s bare stomach. Looking up he could see Felix had kicked back most of the covers on his side of the bed and was on his phone, typing with one hand as Seán had been asleep on his other arm.

“How long ye’ been awake?”

Felix shrugged and checked the time on his phone, “About an hour, been sending out emails since it’s already four at home.”

“Does anyone realize you’re not actually home?” It was a spur-of-the-minute trip and Seán didn’t know who all was privy to it.

“Just contacted my management today, told Brad before I left but that’s about it. Should probably text my parents too I guess.”

Seán simply nodded, understanding that Felix was still just beginning to process the breakup and probably wanted to clear his head. The fact his idea of getting away from it all meant sleeping next to Seán wasn’t lost on the omega. 

“I gotta film with Mark today. Should record a video of my own too but I don't know what to do for that yet.” Normally Seán had at least a loose idea of what videos he was going to record and when, he kept a notebook of ideas and while he tried to stick to some sort of order, since learning to manage his stress a little better he sometimes jumped around and picked which topic appealed to him most.

“I thought you were taking it easier.” Felix set his phone down and focused his attention on Seán and ran his fingers through Seán’s dark brown hair. Not a fair move at all because it made Seán shut his eyes and he had to stop himself from outright purring.

“I am, but Daddy still needs to make content!” He increased his volume for comedic effect and Felix rolled his eyes.

“Can’t doing a video with Mark be enough? I’m not trying to sway you…”

“But…?” Seán gave Felix a skeptical look, waiting for the argument to be posed.

“You need to take it easier on yourself. You were on the verge of breaking down a month ago and seeing you like that over Christmas…” he trailed off and Jack sighed heavily, starting to pull away.

Felix grabbing him by the hips, brought him back before he could get too far. “Jack, please, just listen.”

“I don’t need the reminders, Felix, I know what I’m doing.” Or at least he thought he did, sort of.

“The fuck you do. You scare the shit outta me sometimes because you never stop. You’re so focused on uploads and not letting people down that it makes you fall apart. You can’t keep going like this, Jack, you just can’t.”

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Seán’s hands were twitching like he wanted to punch something. Because where in the world did Felix get the nerve to tell him he worked too much when Felix was doing nearly the same thing. “Can ye’ just fuckin’ drop the bullshit because you put out as much content as I do.”

“Yeah, and my girlfriend used it as one of her reasons to break up with me.”

That killed any fight Seán had left in him, he flopped back on the bed and pressed up against Felix’s side. “I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to bring that up.”

“You didn’t, I did, but watching you, I get why she felt that way.” Felix’s arm was back around his shoulders now.

Letting out a long sigh, Seán nodded, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Point taken, but you’re not my girlfriend.”

“Not without a long list of complicated surgeries I’m not.” Felix chuckled. “I love you, man, but I’m not cutting my dick off for you.”

The mental image of that made Seán chuckle as well. “Well then, if you’re not my girlfriend-”

“But I am your alpha.” Felix cut in as if it wasn’t something Seán had already taken into consideration.

“Not technically-”

“We’ve been over this, Jack.”

“Yeah and every time we land in the same place. We’re straight.” He had to bite his lip from adding ‘you have a girlfriend’ out of sheer habit.

“It’s different now.” Felix shrugged and Jack turned to face him, to really get a good look at him.

“Different how?”

“I’m single.”

“Yes, Felix, single but straight .” Felix had asserted it enough that Seán never thought to question it.

“Yeah but…” he trailed off, looking down like he couldn’t manage to look Seán in the eye. “But maybe Marzia had a point.” 

Seán couldn’t help the way his expression changed into one of utter shock. “Felix, you’re straight, you’ve announced it plenty of times. I mean you even kissed a guy and said how much you hated it!”

“I did hate it, it was disgusting!” Felix’s voice was reaching a higher octave, a dead giveaway he was getting frustrated.

“Then why are we even talking about this if you don’t like guys?”

“Because you’re my omega and I like you.”

Shaking his head slowly, Seán pulled out of Felix’s reach and sat cross-legged on the bed. “You see me as yer omega but you don’t actually mean it. Marzia planted that in your head, you’re fresh out of a breakup, you’re just confusing biology for love.”

Seán watched as Felix sat there looking both confused and disappointed all at once. “Sometimes the two overlap, she never once accused me of something that wasn’t true, ever.”

For the life of him, Seán didn’t know where to go from here or how to make sense of this conversation. “Felix, look, I know you’re hurting, and I know it must feel like your world’s been turned upside down on ye’ but that doesn’t mean…” Sighing, Seán pinched the bridge of his nose. “I know you love her but not everything she says is fuckin’ gospel. Besides, betas don’t get the whole bonding thing. I’m the closest person you’ve had to you that was an omega. You’re the closest person I’ve had to me that’s an alpha, we’re best fucking friends, we get a little handsy, sure, we scent one another, I’m not saying there’s no bond there but it’s not like the one she’s making it out to be.”

Felix was still frozen in place, staring down at his hands and not moving except for the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.

“Felix…” Nothing. 

“Felix.” Seán’s tone was a bit more firm now and he reached out for the alpha but Felix swatted his hand away. Goddamn, he fucked up, and it wasn’t even 10 am. It was cheating, but Seán dropped his shoulders and lowered his head a little, a pure sign of submission. This time Felix’s eyes flicked to the side to watch him but otherwise, he didn’t budge. Some progress at least.

“Fe’,” he let his voice go soft, almost pleading as he slowly reached out to rest a hand on Felix’s knee. He could see Felix suck in a breath and hold it but otherwise stayed still. Seán was dead set on proving his point though so he slowly and gingerly climbed his way into Felix’s lap, sitting so they were face to face. Only then did Felix let out that breath but it was trembling.

Considering what he was doing one last time, Seán leaned in and pressed their lips together. At first, Felix didn’t move and Seán was ready to give up and say ‘I told you so’ but then there was a hand in his hair and Felix’s lips parted and they were actually fucking kissing. This wasn’t his intent or the outcome he expected but for reasons not even Seán understood, he didn’t pull away. 

It wasn’t awkward at all which he thought it would have been, instead, it was remarkably tender, even with the foreign feeling of stubble against his face. Seán wrapped an arm around Felix’s neck and just held on to the alpha. Just then, Felix angled his head up a little, kissing Seán deeper, tongue teasing over his bottom lip before sliding into his mouth. With a soft moan, Seán reciprocated, pressing himself against Felix until their bodies were flush up against one another.

At some point Seán expected Felix to pull away and possibly say ‘no homo’ but it didn’t happen. Instead, they were making out like teenagers who weren’t exactly sure what they were doing but enjoying it anyway. They just kept going like that for Lord only knows how long, Felix’s hand not threaded in Seán’s hair was now grabbing his ass squeezing it every now and then which was usually when Felix gave a soft moan. Seán’s hand had wandered down to Felix’s chest almost out of habit. Instead of finding a soft breast to grope he was met with hard muscle and the brush of hair against his fingers, though Seán oddly didn’t mind at all. 

As things got hotter, Seán realized he was starting to get slick and Felix seemed to notice immediately, thrusting his hips up against Seán’s ass with the loudest moan Seán had heard from him yet. While Seán was hard too, just feeling the size of Felix pressed up against his ass like that made him hesitate, and only then did they break the kiss.

“You okay?” Felix’s eyes were wide and lips red as he studied Seán, looking nervous, probably wondering if he did something wrong.

“Nothing, just got intense.” He bet if he looked into a mirror his cheeks would be flushed, he licked his lips, only tasting Felix.

“I know, I can smell it.” Felix grabbed his ass with both hands now, not nearly as tender and gentle as he had been earlier.

“It’s good, like really good, but maybe we need to pump the brakes a little, I don’t want this to be a rebound thing, I don’t want either of us to regret it.”

Felix paused, seeming to think it over before giving a nod. Good, they were both on the same page. “I would never use you like that, and I don’t want you to feel like I was using you but, uh, I think we both need time to think all this over.”

That was a relief because Seán felt the same way. Smiling, he gave Felix one parting kiss before climbing out of his lap. “I really do need to get going, I’m probably already running late.”

Before he could climb out of bed, Felix caught him by his wrist. “Hey,” there was a pause and Seán looked at him expectantly. “Can I still kiss you while we think this over?”

That made Seán grin from ear to ear, eyes lighting up with both interest and amusement. “Yeah, you can kiss me.” There was a beat before he thought of something. “So it wasn’t too weird kissing a guy with a beard?”

“No, it was pretty weird at first but, no offense, you kiss like a girl, all soft and shit. I like it, it’s worth feeling a little stubble here and there,” he smirked.

Seán rolled his eyes but pressed a kiss to the corner of Felix’s mouth anyway. “I’m getting ready then I’m off to meet Mark. After that, I’m taking the day off.” Seán always had a few videos in reserve in case of an emergency, they weren’t great but they were decent filler when he needed it, he’d use one of those.

Finding out Seán was taking his advice into consideration made Felix grin like an idiot.

“Don’t look so smug.”

“It’s hard not to, especially if it means I can have you to myself later.”

---

Felix stayed in bed while Seán got ready, only getting up for breakfast just before Seán was about to leave. In parting, Seán had leaned over him and kissed his cheek, giving him a light pat to the chest before exiting the house. Mark had already texted him that he was in the driveway. 

Getting into the car, Seán was still grinning and gave Mark a maybe too loud greeting. For the second time in two days, Mark’s nose flared before he pulled out of the driveway.

“So are you planning on telling me what’s going on at some point?” Mark kept his eyes on the road but looked very serious.

Somehow, Seán was blissfully ignorant and didn’t catch on. “What do you mean?”

“C’mon Jack, you’re not as slick as you think. Why did neither of you tell me Felix was in town? He’s my friend too and no one said anything, I know you two are especially close but shit. It feels like high school when your friends hang out without you and never invite you.”

Seán froze, going a little pale and looking shocked that Mark had been able to put all that together. “How….?”

“Please, I can smell him on you. You smell more like Felix than you do like yourself. Just promise me you guys aren’t doing something you’re not supposed to.”

Despite Seán previously saying he wouldn’t be the one to break the news to Mark or anyone else, he felt pretty backed into a corner. “Marzia broke up with him, he didn’t want to be alone so he flew out here to hang with me, I’m not sure if he’s really ready to see people yet, I was trying to respect his privacy.”

Glancing over at him, Mark looked a little shocked and then pained before focusing his attention back on driving. “Shit, poor guy, why did no one tell me?”

“I think he’s barely told anyone, it’s not a reflection of how he feels about you.”

Mark shook his head, “Yeah, but he’s been all over you for the past two days.”

“You don’t know that for a fact,” Seán said, getting a little defensive. 

“Jack, I know my friends’ scents and you smell like Felix, a lot . Please don’t tell me he came here just to hump you because he’s single now.”

Blushing, Seán bit his bottom lip because after this morning he couldn’t really deny it. “You’ve got a pretty good nose for a beta.”

“Yup, that’s what they called me in high school Pretty Good Nose.” Mark chuckled obviously trying to get Seán to lighten up but when it didn’t seem to work, he glanced back at him again.

“Seriously though, it’s obvious you guys have a thing but if he’s fresh out of a breakup, don’t go messing around, one of you will just get hurt and I don’t want to be the one caught in the middle during the divorce.”

Rolling his eyes, Seán sighed. “We’re not having sex, Mark.” He wasn’t going to say what they were doing though. “We’re adults, we can handle our hormones, if something happens later, it happens but we’re just taking it easy right now. Besides, neither one of us is even positive if we like men or not.”

That seemed to pacify Mark for the time being. “You don’t have to like all guys, it can just be one, it can just be each other.” Then he perked up like he just realized something. “Did you tell him what we’re doing today?” A wicked smirk was curling his lips now. This was the good old Mark, Seán knew so well. They were taking pole dancing lessons with an instructor. Mark had done it twice before but insisted he was still shit at it. It had sounded fun to Seán though, so much so they were recording a video of a lesson that same day for his own channel.

“Nah, just told him we were working out on camera, thought it would be funnier as a surprise when we post it,” he grinned.

“I think he’ll find it more than funny, he’ll probably be watching it with the lights off, at his desk, a bottle of lotion at the ready as he-”

“Mark! Stop!”

Mark kept grinning, “You know it’s true, he’s going to be into it.”

“Not if I fall and die!”

All he got was a shrug, “Who knows, he might be into that sort of thing.”

“Why are we friends again?”

“Because I’m a fucking snack even if I am just a beta.” Mark winked.

Seán groaned and sank lower into the passenger seat which just made Mark laugh harder.

---

Once they started the pole dancing lesson Seán decided this was not nearly as fun as he’d initially thought. He considered himself relatively flexible but not nearly as much as was needed to be good at this. Not that he’d expected to be good but goddamn some of those moves hurt, both his pride and his body. There were plenty of chances to make it silly though, and the competitive side in him was pleased whenever he performed a maneuver better than Mark who’d had prior instruction, but still seemed stiff as a board.

While it was interesting to learn and was definitely a workout, the pain was the type of thing he’d probably remember for years to come. Nothing about it felt natural or remotely in the realm of physics despite having seen plenty of pole dancing in his life and their instructor Vilita performing every move effortlessly and talking them through things casually while hanging upside fucking down. He was now realizing every stripper he’d ever gaped at could probably kick his ass with just how strong they had to be to do this stuff.

He and Mark more or less limped out of the studio, sweaty, and looking defeated. Mark seemed to be even more sore than Seán was and for once Seán was grateful for being more slight and less muscular because that seemed to have been a hindrance for his friend.

“M’never listening to one of your ideas for a video ever again.” Seán groaned, trying to stretch out a cramp he had in his arm.

“I’m never doing a video like that again either, three times is enough punishment.”

“You and your weird masochistic tendencies.” Seán shook his head.

Taking a long drink from his water bottle Mark chose to ignore him until he felt more hydrated. “You jumped on board with it! Besides, you’re hooking up with a certain mutual friend of ours and you’re calling me a masochist?” No one was in the immediate vicinity and he kept his voice low but Seán still smacked his arm for it.

“I told you, it’s not like that.”

“Sure, it isn’t. Though now I’m not certain how sexy he’ll find it considering it’s a lot of me falling and you looking like a drunk spider monkey.”

That made Seán laugh because damn if that wasn’t the truth. “Well thank you for the experience, Mark but now I’d like to go home, take a shower, and ice every joint and muscle in my body.”

Chuckling, Mark forced himself to stand upright again, wincing as he did so. “Yeah, we’re done for the day, let’s go.”

---

When Seán got back to the house his gait was still a little off but he tried to hide it as much as possible so Felix wouldn’t ask too many questions. Luckily Felix was set up with his laptop at the kitchen table and seemed to be more focused on that.

“How’d the shoot go?”

“Alright”, Seán made his way into the kitchen and sat opposite of Felix, forcing himself not to wince. “Mark apparently smelled you on me though so I told him about Marzia, I didn't really want to but I didn’t want him thinking something worse.”

Now Felix looked up, brow furrowed before taking in Seán’s appearance, tired, sweaty, hair a mess and bruises beginning to form in odd places where he’d been gripping the pole for dear life. “Looks like you and Mark were the ones doing ‘something worse’.”

Seán rolled his eyes and huffed out a laugh. “What, are ye’ jealous?”

The look Felix gave him answered his question. He narrowed his eyes, nostrils flaring, and bit down on his bottom lip. Yep, that was his overprotective alpha face, Seán wondered if Felix even realized he did it. He’d made it when people flirted or got a little too familiar with Marzia but now it was directed at Seán and he wasn’t sure what to make of it. “What in the hell were you guys doing anyway?”

“Working out!”

Felix still looked highly skeptical but didn’t pry any further.

“I’m going to take a shower and then make some lunch because I know you, you’ve been working all morning and probably haven’t eaten anything since breakfast.” It was now almost three and he doubted Felix had budged since he got his laptop out. “So wrap up what you’re doing and think about what you want to eat.” Standing up, Seán let out a noise as a sharp pain shot up his spine and that immediately had Felix’s attention.

“The fuck did you two masochists do to yourselves?” he was up now, going around to Seán and began to reach for him but then stopped.

“Mark’s the masochist, I was just along for the ride.” Christ, everything hurt, he just hoped the shower might ease the tension in his muscles. 

“Want me to help you shower?”

Seán blinked because he hadn’t been expecting that. “I thought you hated having to shower with other people.” It was a rant Felix had gone on at one point that Seán vaguely recalled now. 

“Well you can barely move and I gotta take care of my omega,” Felix said it like it was a burning need instead of an affectionate gesture.

Thinking it over for a second, Seán sighed, it might be a little awkward but if Felix was this into the idea he’d at least try it and see how it went. “Just no messing about.”

Either Felix was silently agreeing or was willfully ignoring him, Seán wasn’t sure yet but he knew he was about to find out. First, though, Felix leaned in to scent his neck before pressing a kiss along his jaw. 

“Stop, I’m gross!”

Shaking his head, Felix got closer to him, “Still smell like my omega.”

Rolling his eyes, Seán took Felix by the hand and dragged Felix upstairs although he took them very carefully with his sore muscles. Once they got to the master bedroom he stripped down, tossing all his clothes aside until he was bare ass naked and tried very hard to ignore Felix stripping behind him and to not feel nervous or self-conscious. They’d practically been humping each other earlier, clothes or not, showering naked shouldn’t be that big a deal. 

So much for taking things slow.

Going into the bathroom, Sean started to run the water to warm it up, it didn’t take long. The bathroom was fairly contemporary with a jacuzzi tub in one corner and a large, tiled shower with glass walls opposite it. It could easily fit both of them and then some. Seán actually had a similar setup at home though not nearly as large or elaborate. Once the water got hot, he adjusted it so it was still warm but not scalding. The whole time Felix was standing behind him, an arm wrapped around Seán’s chest which made him feel alternately comforted and nervous.

Well, here goes nothing. Stepping into the shower, Seán let out a soft sigh at how good it felt, Felix followed in right behind him, just watching as Seán let his hair get wet before Felix pushed it back off his face. Their eyes locked for a moment before Felix leaned in to kiss him, getting soaked himself but not stopping. Everything in him still hurt but the kiss took his mind off of it.

“I thought I said no messing about,” he said, pulling away after a few minutes of gentle kisses.

“Yeah but this morning you also said I was allowed to kiss you.”

Goddamn, he had a point. Groaning softly, Seán turned away to face the spray of the water and he could hear Felix fooling around with bottles before seeming to find the one he wanted. 

“Close your eyes for me.”

Seán did as he was asked and was met with Felix pouring a small amount of shampoo in his hair. Tipping his head back, Seán bit back a moan as those long fingers massaged his scalp, working up a lather but then kept going, either to make Seán feel good or as an excuse for Felix to touch him, maybe both. 

“Feels good?” Felix’s voice was right next to his ear and Seán groaned, giving a slight nod. It felt fantastic and he couldn’t remember the last time someone had done this for him or been so attentive about it. Signe had a few times but never with the intense interest that Felix had. It went on for several minutes until Seán felt like he was melting before Felix stopped.

“Alright, you’re done.”

Turning around, Seán kept his head tipped back and eyes closed as he rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. When he opened his eyes again, Felix was crowding him against the wall of the shower, one hand braced next to Seán’s head, the other wandering down the wet skin of his side as Felix began to kiss him again.

“You’re fuckin’ incorrigible, ye’ know that?” Felix was kissing down his neck now and over his shoulder, nipping and biting over a patch of skin that could easily be covered with a shirt. At least he was considerate that way. Seán wasn’t sure if Felix was a more sexual guy than he’d ever imagined or if it was the newness of it all or Felix trying to think of anything but Marzia but he was definitely more intense than Seán had thought he’d be.

“You want me to stop?” Felix said between sucking marks around Seán’s collar bone.

That was a good question, did he want to stop? Logically he knew this probably wasn’t the best course of action, getting in too deep, too fast, hell even Mark had gotten on his case about it. The thing was it felt so good, and Seán was quickly warming up to the idea of having Felix as more than just a friend. It still felt strange to be with another guy but it wasn’t a turn-off like he’d expected it to be. If anything it was something new he wanted to explore.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” It was sweet how concerned Felix was with his consent although he followed the statement by nipping lightly at Seán’s scent gland.

Damn, that made his knees go weak and it wasn’t just from the earlier workout his legs had gotten. “Fuck,” he groaned softly, tipping his head to the side a little more to give Felix better access. “Just nothing I can’t hide on camera.”

“Of course,” Felix’s voice was a low rumble as his hand slid around to grab Seán’s ass. Felix was pressing up against him now and Seán finally dared to glance down, the alpha was half hard and positively huge, or at least bigger than Seán could have possibly imagined he’d get. Yeah, there was no chance of them going all the way in here but it didn’t seem like that’s what Felix was after, even as he began to rut against Seán’s hip. “How do you feel?”

Seán was getting hard himself and while they were naked and pressed together there was no denying it. “Real fuckin’ good.”

“Good.” Then Felix was kissing him again, tongue sliding into Seán’s mouth and he began to kiss back with increased fervor. Yeah, this was definitely good and way better than he had thought it would be. He felt Felix’s hand slowly moving across his ass until a finger was slipping down to tease at his hole. The muscle there fluttered as Felix just slowly traced his opening, making Seán moan softly.

“W-what are you doing?” 

Felix shook his head, kissing Seán again briefly. “Don’t worry, I’m not about to fuck you, just wanna help you relax.”

Well, that was one way of putting it. Then Felix’s finger was pressing into him and Seán was just slick enough to handle it. It felt good but different, Felix’s hands were larger and rougher than any girl he’d ever dated who’d done this for him. By the time Felix was into the knuckle, Seán was arching and moaning softly as Felix kissed down his throat.

“Curl, curl your finger just a little to the front.” Seán’s voice was breathy and his eyes glazed over with want.

Without missing a beat, Felix followed the instructions, curling his finger until it pressed up against that bundle of nerves inside Seán that made him see stars. He couldn’t remember the last time he had done this himself and his head tipped back as he moaned, not caring how desperate he sounded.

“Holy shit,” was all he got out of Felix who was really grinding against his hip now, panting softly as he continued to work himself up. “Can I… can I add another?”

Seán gave a nod and that seemed to be all the encouragement Felix needed. He slowly slid in a second finger and curled them both, making Seán tremble a little and gasp.

“Shit, you’re already so slick,” there was a sense of wonder in his voice. Seán knew Felix had never been with an omega and Seán knew first hand the difference between beta women and omega men was more than a little noticeable. “So fucking tight too.” Felix kept rubbing gently against Seán’s prostate, making him nearly delirious with want, somehow with an alpha it was so much better. 

Feeling a little bolder, Seán reached down and gingerly took hold of Felix, wrapping his hand around him and giving a light squeeze which made the alpha buck his hips and groan, biting at Seán’s shoulder again and thrusting his fingers deeper inside him.

For a moment, they both seemed at a loss, but Seán’s tongue darted out over his bottom lip and he worked up the nerve to begin stroking Felix’s cock, nothing too intense, just replicating what he knew felt good to him. Then Felix turned to kiss Seán on the lips again as he began to curl his fingers again, right against Seán’s spot and not letting up. So in turn, Seán moved his hand faster, twisting his wrist a little, which Felix seemed to enjoy by the way he bit down on Seán’s bottom lip. 

They didn’t have to keep going like that long, it wasn’t the most graceful hookup but it felt so good and so right that after only a few minutes of Felix’s fingers inside him, Seán felt like he was going to fall apart. “M’close,” he said, lips brushing against Felix’s as he spoke because they were that close together.

That only seemed to spur Felix on, thrusting his fingers into Seán at a quicker pace and wrapping his free hand around Seán’s guiding him on how to get Felix off. It was hotter than it should have been considering how clueless they seemed to be. Soon they were both panting and moaning but Seán lost it first, body going rigid as he moaned loudly and came between them, cum splattering over his stomach but quickly began to be washed away by the water pouring down over them.

He was barely aware of what was happening for a minute but Felix thrusting into their joined hands brought him back around. He started stroking Felix faster, twisting his wrist and brushing his thumb over the head where the foreskin was rolled back. Felix’s hips jerked hard and he moved his hand quicker to keep up with Seán’s. The fingers of his other hand were still in Seán’s ass. It only took three, maybe four minutes more before Felix let out a low growl, biting down on Seán’s shoulder and coming, his whole body shaking before going half-limp and leaning up against Seán in the shower. Their hands were both covered in cum and out of sheer curiosity, Seán brought his fingers up to his mouth to taste a bit of it. It definitely didn’t taste like when you ate out a girl, it was a hell of a lot more bitter and muskier but it didn’t make him gag so there was that.

“God, you filthy bitch.” Felix groaned, seeming to have noticed despite his eyes only being half-open. 

“Says the guy with his fingers still up my ass.”

Only then did Felix seem to notice and slid his fingers out carefully. “Fuck, where’s the soap?” He still sounded half out of it so Seán helped stand him upright again and got the soap and started to lather them both down. As Felix’s brain seemed to come back online he helped, getting Seán’s back and his sore legs until they were both clean and rinsed off. Felix exited first, toweling off as Seán shut off the water and emerged himself. At which point Felix got a fresh towel and dried Seán off most of the way before leaving him to finish up as he exited the bathroom. When he came out, Seán found Felix face down and naked on the bed. This time he took plenty of time to appreciate the pale curves of his ass. 

“Does your brain always melt when you cum or has it just been a while?” Towel wrapped around his waist, Seán let himself drop to the bed as well, exhausted but definitely feeling less tense. 

“Only when it’s good,” Felix mumbled into the pillow. Turning his head a little he looked over at Seán before giving him a slow smile. “Your ass always that tight?”

“Yeah, pretty much, not like it’s seen much action the past few years.” Then Felix was giving him an overly interested look and he knew he’d have to elaborate. “Been on suppressants for two years, haven’t exactly needed to play around back there for no reason.”

“Only two years?”

“Yeah well, remember the first time I came to Brighton to visit you and when I left I was sick?"

Felix rolled onto his side to face Seán now. “Yeah, of course I remember.”

“Well I got home and found out I wasn’t sick, I was in heat, it was a couple of weeks early and probably the strongest one I ever had and that was after a weekend of being close to you…” Seán trailed off there.

Felix’s eyes went wide and he propped himself up on one arm. “You went into heat because of me?”

“Pretty damn sure, I was regular before that. I was on suppressants to get through college but didn’t really like how I felt on them so I stopped taking them. Never had an issue until my weekend with you, started taking them the very next month, just to be safe for Cringemas, but then I was planning on moving to Brighton and knew I’d see you more so I just stayed on them.”

The look on Felix’s face still read shock but there was also a bit of smugness to it. “I can’t believe it. You’ve been acting like I’m your alpha all this time.”

“Oh shut it, it was just biology at first, I wasn’t used to being around alphas and you were always scenting me-”

“And you were always in my lap.”

Blushing a little, Seán flopped face down on his pillow but then Felix was pulling him in closer. 

“It’s okay, I just wish I would have known, hell, I might have pulled my head out of my ass sooner and saved everyone a lot of heartache. Is that why Signe didn’t like me?”

“You didn’t like her much either towards the end.”

Felix’s expression shifted but he pressed onward, “That’s not what I asked.”

Sighing, Seán buried his face into Felix’s chest. “She was mad about the whole controversy stuff last year but then when we started to get touchy-feely she really didn’t like that.”

“Well, we don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“Why? Did one hand job in the shower turn you gay?”

Felix landed a sharp smack to Seán’s ass in response. “I’m not gay.”

“Oh c’mon, your mom would be overjoyed if you finally turned gay.”

Rolling his eyes, Felix let out a soft huff of a laugh and nipped at Seán’s shoulder. “I don’t like men! I just like you.”

“I am a man you know.” 

Felix wrapped an arm around Seán’s waist and held him closer, kissing his neck lightly, beard prickling against Seán’s skin. “I know, but you’re different.”

Seán thought back to what Mark had told him earlier. “It doesn’t have to be all guys, it can just be each other.”

A soft hum came from Felix as he seemed to consider it. “That’s pretty much what it feels like.”

“Same here, except for maybe Ryan Reynolds, or a Hemsworth, they could totally rail me and I’d thank them for it.”

Growling, Felix didn’t seem to appreciate that answer and bit at Seán’s scent gland a little too roughly. 

“Ow! Fucking jealous sonofabitch!” he smacked Felix’s arm but as quick as Felix had turned aggressive, he was nuzzling and kissing Seán’s neck in apology.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t like thinking of you with other people.”

People. Not just men. So Felix was getting more possessive, though after what they’d been up to, Seán could understand, he was beginning to feel the same way.

“Just take it easy, you have my undivided attention as of late and I don’t see that changing soon.”

“Same.”

“So what does that make us?” Seán asked, biting down on his bottom lip.

There was a long pause as Felix seemed to consider it. “I don’t want to commit to anything just yet, maybe when you’re back home we can revisit the topic.”

That was good enough for Seán, at least for now. “Well, I guess it’s take out again tonight because I don’t think either of us is about to make dinner after all that.” Felix shook his head slowly and Seán huffed out a laugh. “I call ‘Not It’ for answering the door so you’re the one who needs to put on pants. Felix groaned at that, clearly not wanting to move either. “C’mon,” Seán slapped Felix’s bare ass hard, “be a man and put on some fucking pants!”

Chapter Text

It felt like it came too soon when Felix left to go back to Brighton, they’d kissed, probably a little too long, as he left to catch a flight and Seán threw himself headfirst into work and seeing friends to fill the void that had been left in his life. Still, they talked every single day, texting, on the phone, video chatting at every opportunity. Seán noticed Felix stayed up later than he normally would to be able to talk more. They were both handling a lot, Seán was back to talking to his therapist now and then, trying to make sense of his schedule and balance his work and personal life. It felt like more of a priority now than it ever had been. Some days he felt anxious like he wasn’t getting enough done or doing things efficiently enough, some days he was just down and missing home, missing Felix, but he tried to take advantage of the time he did have in LA to accomplish everything he wanted to do.

Felix seemed to be going through his own personal struggles too. He and Marzia were speaking again but things were still frosty. She moved out in August, the month following the break-up, she found a small place in Brighton she liked but Felix kept telling Seán how much he hated staying in the house they’d lived in together. He was looking to sell but unsure where to go after that. After some coaxing, Seán had convinced him not to make any rushed decisions, that they could figure it out together when he returned to Brighton.

Another hardship Felix had worked through was separating the pugs. He and Marzia had been especially civil working through that. Felix kept Edgar as Edgar was closest to him and wouldn’t be happy with just Marzia and Marzia kept Maya as they were closest and even Felix acknowledged Maya would be miserable without Marzia. Seán knew it pained them both to do it, they’d both cried on the phone to him at separate times about it but it seemed like the fairest thing to do. Dogy was still with Felix, at least for now, but would probably also go to Marzia when she was more settled in. At Seán’s suggestion, they met up once a week to let Maya and Edgar see each other still but from the way he talked about it, Felix wasn’t thrilled about having to see Marzia so frequently. 

Seán had planned to stay in LA until mid-October but cut the trip a few weeks short. He had enough content to get him through a week as he went back home and settled in so he felt good about that. The distance with Felix had just gotten to be too much though so the last day of September he was on a flight back to Brighton. He hadn’t told Felix he was coming home early, wanting it to be a surprise, plus Felix’s birthday was coming up and Seán really wanted to be able to do something special for him to cheer him up from the rough go of things he’d been having lately.

Once he was back in Brighton he gave himself two days to decompress, adjust to the time change, and unpack. It felt good being home, as much as he knew he’d miss everyone in LA and the chill of Brighton in fall was a bit of a rude awakening, he was glad to be back. Especially knowing Felix was waiting on him. He hadn’t video chatted with him those two days just because he knew Felix would recognize his house but they had talked on the phone. Felix had even said he was getting excited for Seán to come home which gave him butterflies again to know he had truly been missed. He’d flown back in on a Sunday so by Wednesday he felt settled enough to make a trip to see Felix. Since he still didn’t drive he took an Uber to Felix’s house and got up to the door before calling him. It was after 11 am so Felix was definitely up.

“Hey, handsome,” Felix answered, and Seán couldn’t help but grin.

“Hey handsome yourself.”

“Isn’t it still really early for you out there?”

“Nah, not really. Besides, I got a notification that something I got you is on your doorstep, I wanted to be on the phone with you when you got it,” he was grinning like an idiot and didn’t even care.

“The fuck did you get me?”

“Early birthday gift.”

“My birthday is three weeks away and you’ll be home by then.”

“Just go to the fucking door, Felix.”

There was a heavy sigh and shuffling and outside the door he could hear Felix coming down the hall and Edgar barking with excitement, clearly understanding something his owner didn’t.

“Edgar, shut the hell up, it’s just…” Then the door swung open and Felix laid eyes on him, Seán immediately hung up his phone and put it in his pocket. Felix still looked stunned. “How are you-?”

“I missed you,” Seán smiled.

Edgar was still barking and running around in circles but Felix barely seemed to notice as he quickly pulled Seán in for an embrace, immediately going to scent him and holding him so tight it was almost suffocating. “C’mon, come inside before the neighbors think we’re gay,” he grinned, taking Seán by the hand and pulling him inside, Edgar following behind, jumping and pawing at Seán’s legs.

Hanging up his coat, Seán could feel Felix’s eyes on him, watching him like he still couldn’t believe he was real. “Came home Sunday, wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Well, it sure fucking was.” Felix cupped either side of his face and kissed him so slowly and carefully it almost hurt. “I missed you so much, Jack, you have no idea.” Now his thumb was stroking over Seán’s cheekbone like he absolutely could not get enough of him. “It feels so much better having you home.” He followed the sentiment with another slow kiss before Edgar started barking, clearly tired of being ignored. “Such a fucking cock block,” Felix grumbled.

Seán bent down to scoop up Edgar and hold him to his chest, which seemed to be exactly what he wanted as he quickly settled down and started making happy grunts.

“He’s so fucking obsessed with you.” Felix sighed like he was just now realizing Edgar would definitely be cock blocking him for real at some point in the future. 

“That’s what you get for all the times you called me his ‘other dad’, he thinks it’s true.” Seán was gently scratching Edgar around the scruff of his neck which made his eyes heavy as he started to go dead weight in his arms.

“He’s here, for me, not you, Edgar!” Despite being loud, Felix was very careful as he took Edgar from Seán’s arms. The little dog blinked a bit but still seemed content and stayed completely calm.

“Can’t I be here to see both of you?” Seán joked because he knew that alone was enough to make Felix jealous.

True to character, Felix used his free hand to grab Seán by the hip and pull him in for another kiss, this one searing and possessive, Felix’s tongue sliding into Seán’s mouth as they clung to each other and kissed, thankfully Edgar didn’t seem to mind.

They stood there making out probably a little too long because at some point Edgar did begin to wriggle to be put down. With both hands free, Felix grabbed Seán by the ass and picked him up, Seán’s legs wrapping around Felix’s waist as he was walked to the sofa. It was always exciting when Felix was able to just grab or lift him like that and it seemed to turn Felix on to do it so Seán was far from complaining.

Quickly Felix had him pinned down against the sofa, a hand roaming up the front of Seán’s shirt, the other pulling at his hair. Seán had one arm around Felix’s neck while the other raked down his back through the sweater he was wearing. They were both moaning into the kiss at different moments because it had been far too long since they had been able to touch one another. It was as desperate as it was affectionate and neither one of them seemed to get enough of it.

Pushing Seán’s shirt up more, Felix let out a low growl and ducked his head and began to suck a mark just to the left of Seán’s navel. His hand stopped at Seán’s chest, thumb brushing against one of his nipples while the hand in his hair pulled his head back. Arching, Seán let out a broken moan because that felt way too good. 

“I guess I should be glad you’re not leaving a hickey I can’t hide on camera,” he joked but then Felix was letting go of his hair and sliding a hand down the back of Seán’s boxers, feeling around until his fingers brushed his hole. It was abundantly clear Felix was checking to see if Seán was slick, which he definitely was. 

“I wanna fuck you but not like this.” Probably a good thing since they’d never actually discussed any of this outside teasing dirty talk half a world apart. 

“Ye’ got condoms?” 

Felix shook his head ‘no’. “Didn’t expect you back for another two weeks, asshole.” 

Biting his bottom lip, Seán thought it over, it was almost guaranteed they were both clean, and Seán was on suppressants… “Why don’t ye’ wanna fuck me then?”

Ducking his head a little, Seán noticed Felix’s cheeks go a little pink. “I do, just not here, I want you to enjoy it, I wanna blow your fucking mind.”

“Du kan knulla mig när du älskar mig.” Seán grinned even though he knew he fucked up with pronunciation because of his accent alone.

Sitting back a little, it seemed to take Felix a moment to process what he’d said before bursting into laughter. “What the fuck? ‘I can fuck you when I love you’? Were you up late on Google Translate again?

“Not that late.” Seán played into the bit. “I was watching Showgirls and that line is fucking iconic so I looked it up.”

Felix leaned in and nipped at Sean’s neck, kissing across his throat. “You have the fucking worst taste in movies.” His fingers were slowly circling Seán’s opening again which made him bite down on his bottom lip. Sliding a hand between them, Seán began to palm Felix through his sweats which did little to hide how hard he was. 

“I’m not sure if I’m mentally prepared to take on that monster right now anyway.”

“Not even if I love you?” Felix was still teasing, working his way down Seán’s body and flicking his tongue over the nipple he’d been neglecting, thumb still rubbing circles over the other. 

By now, Seán was really slick and he knew Felix felt it, smelled it, it was impossible for him not to. “Don’t be that guy that says ‘I love you’ just to get into someone’s pants.” He kept his hand moving between Felix’s legs, making the alpha’s hips snap forward.

“If you don’t know I love you by now, you’re dumber than a potato, you Irish bitch.” There was a roughness to Felix’s voice now, he was breathing heavier and clearly getting lost in the moment. 

“You’re just saying that.” Not that Seán minded. They definitely loved each other but whether it was true, romantic love was yet to be seen. Seán was pretty damn sure he felt it but he still wasn’t one hundred percent sure where Felix stood.

Suddenly, Felix had a hand wrapped loosely around his throat. There was pressure but Seán could still breathe just fine. Still, his eyes were wide as he looked up at Felix who’s eyes were intense but his expression soft. “I’m almost positive a little part of me fell in love with you the first time I scented you. Part of me fell in love with you when you called me last Christmas and not anyone else. Part of me fell in love with you all those moments we had together in LA. It wasn’t one big leap, it wasn’t all at once, but I’m more in love with you now than anyone I’ve ever met.” With that, he pulled his hand away from Seán’s throat and stroked back his hair. “So, yeah, I do love you, Seán.”

Laying there, completely still, Seán just stared up at Felix in shock. “I love you too, Felix.” He’d been feeling it for so long now but saying it out loud… He smiled despite tears springing to his eyes. 

“It’s okay,” Felix reassured before leaning in to kiss him slowly, gently, clearly taking his time with it. “I love you, I really do, it feels pretty good to say that.” Felix was grinning and Seán clung to him, it felt too good to be true and he forced the tears back. He was just an emotional being and cried easily, whether things were going incredibly well or horribly wrong. 

“Shh, it’s okay, really.” Felix never criticized him for getting emotional even though Felix was definitely the more stoic type, they were two completely different personalities but somehow how together, they worked. 

“What does this mean for us?” Felix had been so adamant about not being gay but at the same time, he had his hand down Seán’s pants and had just told him he was in love with him.

“Been spending some time thinking about that.” Yep, that was Felix, ever the analytical one. “I guess I hoped it would mean we’d start dating.”

“So boyfriends.” Seán was still testing the water a little.

Felix sighed but he didn’t seem turned off by it. “It sounds weird but yeah, boyfriends.”

Seán couldn’t help the way his face lit up and he pulled Felix in for a kiss, deep and passionate, he arched against him, the leg still hooked around Felix’s waist pulling him in closer and Felix growled with approval. “I guess that means you get to fuck me then.” Seán chuckled, running a hand through Felix’s blond hair, loving the way it stuck up at odd angles whenever he played with it. His own was probably a wild mess at this point as well. “Upstairs?”

“We don’t have to if you’re not ready-”

“Upstairs,” Seán said more firmly this time.

“Fine but the guest bedroom, I don’t…” Felix paused, seeming to struggle to find the right words. “I don’t want you in a place that reminds me of her, I want this to be new, just us.”

Seán’s expression softened and he kissed Felix again lightly. He truly did believe Felix loved him but something about the break-up with Marzia had been really traumatic for him and he was obviously still recovering from it. It made sense that he’d want to keep certain feelings and emotions separate from one another. “Okay, whatever you need, babe.” Babe. It just slipped out but it felt right and by the way Felix smiled when he heard it, he was perfectly okay with it.

Slowly, Felix climbed off of him and helped pull him up off the sofa where Seán was sprawled out. Once he was up, Felix threaded their fingers together and led him upstairs to the familiar guest bedroom. Edgar had followed them, jumping on the bed and rolling around on it until Felix gave a firm command in Swedish and Edgar hopped back off the bed and ran out of the room. “He’s a fucking idiot,” Felix said with a low chuckle. 

“Don’t talk about my step-son like that,” Seán smirked as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “This is the first place we slept next to each other.” It wasn’t the most pleasant of memories, after all, it had been during Seán’s most stellar mental breakdown to date and was essentially a suicide watch but it was strange to think of things coming full circle in a way.

“Yeah, I know.” Felix was standing between Sean’s parted legs, giving him a serious yet unreadable look. He grabbed the hem of Seán’s shirt and pulled it upwards so Seán helped him remove it. Then Felix was pulling off his own sweater and tossing it aside. Leaning in, Felix kissed him slowly, Seán hooked an arm around his neck and the other gripped at one of Felix’s sharp hip bones, pulling him in closer. Meanwhile, Felix busied himself with unzipping the omega’s jeans, pulling them and his boxers off his hips. “Move back on the bed.” Seán did, climbing back until he was in the middle of the bed, Felix quickly following after. Almost immediately Felix’s fingers were back at Seán’s opening, sliding through the slick there before slowly pressing two fingers in, just to the first knuckle. Although Felix was careful it was obvious he wasn’t just fooling around this time, he was a man on a mission. He kissed down Seán’s neck, wet, open-mouthed kisses over pale skin, his beard leaving slightly pink skin in its wake. 

“Fuck, Fe’,” his voice trembled a little but Felix kept kissing his skin, making Seán groan softly. He did his best to just relax, which Felix must have felt because his fingers slid in just a little bit deeper. 

“You’re so fucking wet for me.” 

All Seán could do was nod and moan, he was hard as hell by now too. “Off, get everything off,” he whispered into Felix’s ear. The alpha didn’t need to be told twice, fingers still halfway inside Seán, he got them both out of their pants before settling back between his omega’s spread legs. They kissed for a long while then, Felix slowly beginning to thrust his fingers deeper into Seán, their hard cocks bumping up against each other where their hips were pressed together. Steadily, Felix began to rock his hips, making them both moan before working up the nerve to push his fingers inside Seán completely. 

“You okay?” he sounded a little breathless as he looked down at Seán.

“More, keep going.”

“Are you sure, I-”

“Keep. Going.” Seán growled, hooking a leg around Felix’s hip, fingers scraping down his back making the blond let out an animalistic rumble in return. 

Still, Felix listened, adding a third finger with relative ease and really set about working Seán open, curling his fingers like he’d learned before to brush Seán’s spot, making him moan, and gasp and writhe on the bed. It was actually beautiful how gentle and thorough Felix was being but Seán was getting impatient.

“M’good, let’s go.”

Once again Felix had seemed skeptical, almost hesitant. “You’re still so tight though.”

“Felix, I think I know me own ass better than you do.”

That elicited a bit of laughter but Felix still went along with it, wrapping a hand around himself and lining up. “If it hurts or you need me to stop just-”

“I need you to stop talking and get inside me.” 

Growling, Felix nipped at Seán’s neck before finally pressing his hips forward, he was bigger than any toy Seán had ever used on himself but it was still a familiar stretch except there was more and more of him filling the omega until Seán felt like the air had been punched out of his lungs by the time Felix was fully seated inside him with one last snap of his hips.

“Holy shit.” Felix was panting from that alone, gently stroking Seán’s hair back and looking deep into his eyes. “You’re doing so good, baby, you feel amazing.” He pulled out a little only to press back in, making Seán moan brokenly, still clinging to the alpha. “Fuck, how have we never done this before?” Felix seemed stunned by it all but quickly, began to move again, thrusting in and out of Seán’s slick hole in a steady rhythm, both of them flushed and panting as they went.

It was all relatively slow but extremely intense for both of them, Seán was just trying to breathe steadily, his skin already marked and bitten, forming bruises against his pale skin and Felix was clearly focused on both the omega’s comfort as well as keeping a steady pace. Arching his back a little, Seán began to press back down to meet the rocking of Felix’s hips which made them both moan at the same time.

“Press up more.”

Without question, Felix did and managed to strike Seán’s prostate dead-on, making him whimper. “Shit, right there, keep going.”

Leaning in to kiss him, Felix did exactly as he was asked, beginning to pound away at that spot that made Seán’s toes curl. The alpha kept moving faster and faster and it went without saying neither of them would be able to drag this out much longer. Felix finally wrapped his hand around Seán’s cock and began to stroke him in time to his thrusts, it only took a few minutes of that before he was a babbling mess.

“Yes, yes, fucking hell, please Fe’ I’m so close.” Then Felix bit down hard on one of his scent glands and Seán lost it, coming harder than he could ever remember, vision blacking out as he just arched and gasped, shooting cum all over his stomach and Felix’s hand while the Swede fucked him through it.

“Knot me.”

That seemed to take Felix aback a little, “I never…” 

“Felix please, I need it.” he could feel the base of Felix’s cock enlarging and if they were going to do it, they needed to do it now. A few more coaxing thrusts and then Felix finally just went for it and pushed his knot into Seán with a lewd, wet noise and came, his whole body shaking as he held himself up above the omega.

Slowly, they both caught their breath, Felix wrapping his arms around Seán and nuzzling into his neck, scenting him again. There was a pressure low in Seán’s belly as he felt Felix emptying himself in him, it was unlike anything he’d ever felt in his life. He’d had his fair share of sex but he’d never felt this connected to anyone through it. “How long before that thing usually goes down?” he asked out of curiosity.

“About fifteen, twenty minutes, never actually knotted anyone though so I honestly have no clue.” Felix sank down onto his elbows now, seeming spent, but hell, so was Seán.

“First time for everything I guess.”

“I’m just glad it was with you, honestly.” Felix smiled and kissed him again slowly. As close as they’d gotten in LA this was by far the most affectionate he’d ever seen Felix get, it felt like he was catching a glimpse of something special the alpha kept private from everyone else. 

“I love you.” Seán grinned, cupping the side of Felix’s face in his hand and pressing a kiss to his lips.

“Love you too, Seán.”

Chapter Text

From then on out, Seán and Felix were together. They were both still engaged in their work, maybe a little too much sometimes, but they quickly fell into a rhythm. Felix still wanted to sell his house and move and Sean was on board with the idea of selling his place as well and getting something that was entirely theirs. It might be moving fast but they were both almost 30, they knew what they wanted out of life and a relationship and what they wanted their futures to look like. Their goals and values were remarkably similar and they decided to just go with it. Currently, they alternated staying at each other’s places but mostly lived out of Felix’s home. Occasionally if Seán was recording late, Felix would come over with Edgar and go to bed and wait for Seán to join him.

Coming out had been a bit of an experience, the first person Felix had told was Ken, Seán had been in the background of that call and it went exactly as he expected. The two of them had always bonded over being alphas, often resorting to grunting at one another for comedic effect. 

“So you’re finally shacking up with an omega, I’m proud of you.” Of course, that was followed by some big, overly macho talk by Felix that made Seán roll his eyes.

“Yeah, some alpha, had never even knotted anyone before!” Felix’s face had burned red and he slapped Seán’s thigh, the closest thing to him as Seán had his legs draped over Felix’s lap.

“You act like you weren’t basically a backdoor virgin yourself!” Seán shrugged and focused on the group text he had going with Wade, Bob, and Mark on his phone.

“This is getting into some real TMI-territory,” Ken drawled, voice coming over the speakers of Felix’s phone. While Felix had never touted being an alpha when he first started Youtube, Ken had never shied away from it and when he met Mary, readily shared the girl of his dreams was an omega.

It was one of those ‘to each their own’ type of deals. Seán never advertised being an omega but the more people he met and the more his channel grew the more he was open about it and embraced it. It felt disingenuous to hide it but it also felt pandering to bring it up too often so he usually waited for a comment or something to naturally prompt him to address it. 

“So when do you think-”

“Don’t even start, Ken,” Felix warned, bristling a little. Ken was absolutely the married-guy-dad-friend and they both knew once they came out to their families the next question would be focused on when they were getting married and having kids, Felix wasn’t pleased to get it from his friends as well.

“I’m just here to lend fatherly advice for when the time comes.” Seán didn’t have to look up to know Ken had a shit-eating grin on his face while he tried to play innocent. Felix shifted a little, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. While Seán liked kids, he had never given much thought to having any of his own, the same couldn’t be said for Felix, who seemed mildly repulsed by most children and had always said he’d figure out whether or not he wanted them “later”.

Given the right timing, Seán was open to starting a family but Felix wasn’t ready to even entertain the idea. “Just because you have one crawling around your house doesn’t mean we need that too.” Felix was being pretty firm about this, which is what Seán had expected. Their relationship was new and even if it wasn’t, neither one of them were ready to be parents right away. 

“Let ‘im be, Ken, you know how he gets about babies,” Seán interjected on Felix’s behalf, this time it earned an affectionate pat to his leg.

“Exactly, they’re weird, and they shit themselves, and cry constantly…” Seán started to tune out after that because he’d heard this rant before.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the first person Seán told was Mark who had congratulated himself entirely too much because he “already knew”. He’d also gifted them a bottle of expensive lube that made both Felix and Seán question him as to whether he actually knew how omegas worked or not.

“It’s for when Jack has a “headache”,” he’d explained which was the dumbest excuse to buy your friends lube Seán had ever heard.

Most everyone else had been shocked but happy for them. Only Arin seemed to have any inkling, which had surprised Seán, yeah they were good friends but he’d never really given any clues to him before, at least he thought he hadn’t. All he’d gotten in return was a good-natured laugh and the explanation, “You’ve never seen the way you two look at each other before.”

As Seán scrolled the group chat, it seemed like none of their friends were in a very serious mood that night. Wade and Mark kept asking about Felix’s dick and Bob was (rightfully) horrified. Setting his phone down, Seán shifted on the sofa so he was propped up against Felix’s side, Felix’s fingers sliding into his hair to lightly massage his scalp.

“Alright, I get it, you two are fuckin’ adorable, God!” Ken announced and Felix grinned proudly while Seán just enjoyed the closeness.

“Not to keep harping on it, but you two are going to have gorgeous kids.” Seán had to chuckle at that and Felix rolled his eyes but there was still the hint of a smile on his lips.

“That’s because Swedish people are beautiful!” Felix announced proudly.

“And I’m a potato.”

All three of them descended into laughter at that point.

“Speaking of kids, I think there’s a dirty diaper with my name on it somewhere, I’ll catch you guys later.”

“Bye Ken.” Felix chuckled and Seán waved before the call ended.

“I’m not sure what it says about us that all our friends are completely mad.” Seán mused, stretching out a little in Felix’s lap.

“Why, what are Mark, Bob, and Wade up to?”

“Taking bets on how big your dick is.”

“Seriously?”

“Yup.”

“What are they guessing?”

“I don’t know, they’re not using the metric system so it all sounds very underwhelming, frankly.”

“Fucking Americans.” Felix leaned in to press a kiss to Seán’s forehead. “You know at some point you will have to tell your family.”

“So will you.” Seán immediately pointed out.

“Seán, my family’s thought I was gay since I was a kid, my mom has told me she wishes I was gay, this is like a dream come true for them.”

That just left Seán’s family which made him grimace a little. All his siblings were married by now and most of them were still Catholic which made the issue that much more frustrating. When he presented as an omega his parents hadn’t treated him differently but Seán had always felt like they were somehow disappointed by it. They’d stayed close when he was still living at home just because getting along was the only real option he had but when he moved out and got older and formed his own opinions and beliefs, a rift began to evolve between him and a lot of his family. He didn’t like to talk about it but it was definitely something he struggled with. These days he was closest to his oldest brother, Malcolm, as they were the most like-minded, after that, it was probably Allison because they were closest in age but she was still quite the good Catholic girl and Seán was the lone omega of the family who’d been living in sin with various partners from the minute he could afford his own place pretty much. Plus money always tended to muddy the waters and make things even uglier and at this point in his life, he avoided as much of it as he could. He loved his parents and kept in fairly regular contact with them but part of him still wanted to make them proud even though it felt like an impossible feat.

Felix must have noticed him brooding because another kiss was pressed to his forehead. “It’s gonna be alright, y’know. They’re not about to scare me off.” 

Giving Felix a small smile, Seán just nodded. That wasn’t what he was worried about but he’d go along with it. 

---

They were waiting until after Felix’s birthday to tell their families, not that either of those two things had anything to do with one another, it was just the timeline they’d set for themselves. The weeks leading up to that, Seán had started living at Felix’s more, they’d slowly brought some of his things over and had reworked the master bedroom a bit in the process. Felix had insisted on getting a new bed and rearranging things, which seemed to make him much happier and more comfortable in his own space again despite insisting he wanted to sell after the holidays. For now, they were happy with how things were. 

For Felix’s birthday, Seán had organized a night out for them and their close friends in the area to go out to dinner and have a few drinks. Seán had managed to find a pair of those hideous custom-made Ikea Yeezys that Felix had been obsessing over for months but hadn’t been able to justify buying for himself. There were some other small things thrown in too, one of which was a magnet made from an Instagram post Felix had made years ago of the two of them awkwardly sitting together, Edgar in Seán’s lap with the caption “Father, father, son.” It was exactly the type of dumb shit Felix would be in love with. And while Felix had cut back on his whiskey consumption, Seán still ordered a bottle of aged Japanese whiskey for him. Plus afterwards they got to come home and Seán had some definite plans on how to celebrate with just the two of them.

It was the usual suspects as far as the dinner went, they went to a really nice Japanese place, had some drinks, ate probably a little too much, and just talked for ages. Seán sat next to Felix the whole night and while they were both too nervous to engage in any PDA, any time they stole a glance or shared a certain look the whole table made a big deal of it ‘oohing’ and ‘awing’. It was slightly annoying but everyone seemed genuinely happy for them which was a good feeling. It had been nerve-wracking to tell their friends they were in a relationship and while most of them were pretty shocked at first they quickly accepted it and moved on. More importantly, everyone kept it amongst themselves and didn’t tell anyone else. Seán, and especially Felix, valued their privacy and liked to be in control of what was public knowledge and what wasn’t. As solid as things felt between them, it was still new and neither one of them were ready to have their relationship picked apart online. So in public, they downplayed it, especially if there was a chance one of them (usually Felix) would be recognized. It helped that it was common knowledge that they were friends and lived in the same town, if people were to catch them out it could be spun as two bros just hanging out. Maybe it was the occasion, maybe it was the fact he’d been drinking, but more than once, Felix reached for his hand under the table or gave his knee a light squeeze, like he just needed to touch Seán in some way. Though at home they were very demonstrative so it made sense. Besides, their friend group was a safe place, even with the lighthearted teasing.

“Here I always assumed Felix was an ass man, but now we know that can’t be the case.” PJ laughed, grinning from ear to ear as he gave Seán a pointed once over.

“No, an ass is an ass, no matter how small!” Dave jumped into Seán’s defense.

“Not at all what I think Dr. Seuss meant.” Brad sighed, sounding slightly offended.

“Same difference!” Dave said, clearly willing to argue his logic.

“Jack’s more than just an ass, an asshole, maybe, but his lack of ass doesn’t define him.” Brad was acting like this was a debate now.

“Jaysus Christ, can we stop talking about my ass!” Seán hissed, trying to get everyone’s attention without yelling too loudly.

“It’s not the size, it’s what you do with it.” Felix stretched out in his seat looking a little too smug.

“Et tu, Brute?” Seán sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face.

“What’s that?” Felix looked confused.

“Julius Caesar, Shakespeare, did they teach you nothing in Sweden?” PJ was laughing again.

“It was a different language! And he’s not even Swedish!” Felix’s volume increased a little like it did any time he went on the defensive about Sweden.

“Look, I’m just saying he can work what he’s got.” Felix was sounding smug again.

“Why are all our friends obsessed with our sex life?” Seán huffed, ducking his head a little.

“Because it’s surprising and new, and as you should be aware, none of us know about the alpha and omega thing first hand.” Only Dave could try to logic his way around that. 

“Besides, new gaming power couple, and we’re just a handful of people privy to that information, it’s interesting!” So far PJ had been far too into the idea of Seán and Felix having sex.

“Please don’t say ‘power couple’.” Felix was finally cringing himself.

“Well whatever you call it, we’re going to be fascinated until something more interesting comes around.” PJ shrugged.

“Dear God, let that be soon.” Seán sighed and Felix just gave him an affectionate smile that had the corner of Seán’s lips tugging into a smile too.

“Not gonna happen anytime soon if you keep eye fucking like that,” Brad said, motioning between the two of them.

These damn betas were hopeless.

---

By the time they all dispersed the restaurant was about to close. Felix and Seán made the short ride back to the house, Seán’s extroverted side feeling invigorated from having seen their friends but realizing Felix’s slight introversion probably left him feeling a little worn out. Hence why he’d planned for things to be mostly mellow when they got home.

“I know you hate having extra shit around but I got you a few things,” Seán said it like he was breaking bad news even though he was actually excited to see Felix’s reaction. 

“Babe, you know you didn’t have to.”

“I know but it’s fun for me so pretend not to be a ‘leave your possessions and live in the woods’ nihilist for the night.” Seán was mostly joking.

“I never said I wanted to doomsday my way into the woods.” Felix rolled his eyes but ended up smiling anyway.

“Good, now just take a seat.” With that, Seán turned and left, going for the kitchen first to pour them each a glass of whiskey, neat, and bringing the bottle along so Felix could see the brand. Setting them all out on the coffee table, Felix gave him a lazy smile with a twinkle in those pure blue eyes of his that Seán had come to learn meant he was utterly pleased and content. 

“Goddamn, you know me well,” he immediately picked up the bottle, looking it over, sounding out the kanji on the label. Something Seán was still impressed he had picked up so readily.  “Really nice stuff,” he put the bottle back down to take the glass in front of him, swirling it a little in the glass like the whiskey snob he was before tasting it. “Shit, that’s really nice."

“Good, now relax with that and I’ll get your other things.” Again, Seán didn’t wait for Felix’s approval and just turned on his heel to get the few presents he had for his boyfriend. He hadn’t bothered getting a card because Felix didn’t particularly like them and only felt weird guilt when he went to throw them away. What Seán had done was record a short clip of him in front of his camera just telling Felix how much he loved him, it was about 6 minutes long, he’d even paid Robin to color grade it for him and sent Felix the file before they went out. He’d actually seemed really touched by it and said it was better than a card with a pre-printed sentiment. Seán figured it was unique and a nice surprise and he hoped the rest would be too.

It was a documented fact that Seán was not the best at wrapping gifts so he’d just gone with a gift bag and forced everything in there. Taking it back to the living room, Felix looked relaxed, whiskey still in hand as he waited patiently, smiling slightly when Seán came back into the room. 

“I really hope you didn’t overdo it,” Felix was eyeing the bag skeptically, clearly noticing it was filled to bursting.

“Well one thing is huge and the rest are small, don’t give me shit, I didn’t want to get two bags and have one be half empty.” That had been the logic at least. Forcing the bag into Felix’s lap, the Swede sighed in an overly dramatic way, took another sip of whiskey, and then set his glass down.

“Fine, here we go.”

The first thing he pulled out was maybe the dumbest, a pair of socks that had the Swedish flag on them. Next was an enamel pin of a black pug, followed by the magnet. Felix was grinning like an idiot and getting increasingly excited which made Seán incredibly happy.

“Okay, this is the thing that matters,” Seán said as Felix pulled out the nondescript shoebox, when he opened it, his face lit up and his jaw dropped in shock.

“You fucking found these! You fucking bought these, what the fuck?!” He was immediately pulling them out and looking them over. They were fucking ridiculous in Seán’s opinion and he wasn’t sure how much wear they’d actually get but if they made Felix this happy it was worth the trouble.

“Custom made, so you can officially claim the title King of Sweden.” With that Felix launched himself across the sofa at Seán, kissing him soundly on the lips, and hugging him tightly.

“Fuck, you really know me, huh?”

“Well, you’re not fucking subtle when you latch onto something you really like.” Seán couldn’t help but laugh because while shopping for Felix was usually a nightmare, finding one thing he fixated on was fairly easy.

“Thank you, seriously, this is all so good, the fucking shoes!”

“They better fit or I’ll murder Mache myself, we’ve been emailing for a month.” This time Seán wasn’t kidding, he’d gone to the guy who first made them himself, the money he didn’t mind parting with but the logistics had been a pain in the ass.

“You’re the best boyfriend I ever had.” Felix was still grinning and peppering kisses along Seán’s jawline. 

“I’m the only boyfriend you’ve ever had, bitch. Unless there were some escapades in Sweden you haven’t shared with me.”

“Fuck, fine, best girlfriend I ever had.”

Seán rolled his eyes but then Felix was kissing down his neck and that was definitely distracting, especially when Felix stopped to scent him so thoroughly, tongue darting out to flick over his scent gland. “Take it easy, we’re going to be halfway civilized, finish our whiskey and then you can do whatever you fucking want to me.” To make a point, Seán reached for his glass and downed a little more than intended at once but it was still damn good.

“I can’t believe I actually want to abandon a glass of whiskey.” Felix half-muttered to himself. And shit, that was one of the best compliments Seán had ever received.

Setting the gifts aside, for the time being, Seán shifted to sit in Felix’s lap and kissed his cheek. It was moments like this in their relationship that he absolutely adored. Yeah, the sex was fucking spectacular too but there was just something to be said for tender moments like these, especially with someone like Felix who was very particular about who he let into his personal space. But Seán could probably cling to his back like a koala and Felix wouldn’t mind in the least, he might actually enjoy it a little.

For a little while, they just sat there and drank their whiskey though Felix seemed to be more interested in scenting Seán than drinking. The alpha had an arm around his waist and would occasionally press kisses to any available inch of skin on Seán’s neck. 

“You have a one-track mind, you know that?” Seán said when Felix nipped at his earlobe.

“It’s my birthday, I want my real present.” With that his hand slid between Seán’s legs, palming him gently.

Knocking back the rest of his whiskey in one go, Seán could feel the warmth of both alcohol and arousal settling over him, the back of his throat burning from the large gulp but he didn’t care. Tipping his head back he let it rest on Felix’s shoulder.

“You look so gorgeous tonight, baby, and you smell so fucking good right now.” Felix has nosing at his scent gland again, hand still working Seán through his tight jeans.

“It’s your birthday, shouldn’t I be the one seducing you?”

“No seduction needed, not when I already want you this bad.” Felix’s voice was a low rumble in his ear and it made Seán shiver with want to hear his alpha this turned on already. 

“Finish your drink and we’ll end the night properly.”

That was all the motivation Felix needed to down his drink just as Seán had moments ago. With a growl he stood, taking Seán with him, carrying him up to the bedroom bridal-style. Felix seemed to have moods where he wanted to carry Seán in one way or another, Seán was light and Felix was strong enough to do it without too much effort. The sex was especially intense when Felix got like this, all possessive, and grabby.

Once they were in the bedroom, Felix set Seán down on the bed before climbing on top of him, a hand going back between his legs, the other gripping his hip tightly as he leaned in to kiss him. Seán immediately began pulling at Felix’s shirt and quickly got it off over his head. He was rocking his hips to grind himself against the alpha’s hand which just made Felix grin.

“See, I’m not the only one who wants it.”

“Shut up, yer not playing fair.” Seán grabbed a handful of Felix’s blond hair and gave it a tug. Which only made Felix laugh. Damn it.

Getting his legs underneath him and pushing on Felix’s shoulder, Seán managed to flip them over so Felix was beneath him. “Just relax and let me do the work,” he huffed.

Felix was still smirking so he took that as a good sign. Pulling his shirt off over his head, Seán kneeled on the bed, just far enough away that Felix couldn’t readily grab him. Slowly, he pulled down the zipper to his jeans then shoved them halfway down his thighs. It was obvious he was hard with just his boxers covering him. “Oh and one more surprise.” He hoped Felix would be into this at least. Pushing down his boxers there was one final layer, a light blue men’s thong with lace sides and a sheer front that was straining to hold him in. 

That seemed to immediately have Felix’s attention. “Fucking shit, you were wearing that all night?” 

Seán just nodded, shifting off the bed, to get his pants and boxers the rest of the way off, bending over in front of Felix to give him a good view. Turning back around he could tell Felix was practically salivating at the sight.

“Still don’t think I have an ass?” Seán asked, climbing on top of Felix, knees on either side of him.

“Oh, you have an ass, alright, especially in that . Small but mighty.” He was grinning as he let his fingers skim over the lace, pulling at the band over Seán’s left hip before letting it snap back into place. “Goddamn, you look so good, baby.” Felix’s tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip. “Not sure if I want to use my teeth to rip them off you or just pull them to the side and fuck you while you’re still wearing them.”

Grinning, Seán ducked his head a little. “I’m just glad you’re into it and not creeped out since we uh, never talked about this before.”

“I don’t think I was into this sort of thing until just now but it’s definitely a look.” Felix was reverently running his hands over Seán’s hips and ass, fingers brushing along the fabric and just staring so intently. 

Smiling, Seán slid between Felix’s legs and began to undo his pants, working both them and his boxers off before tossing them aside. “Just relax and enjoy yourself, okay?” he said, smoothing his hands up Felix’s inner thighs. 

“You make it sound like I’m the one getting fucked now.”

“Maybe one day but not tonight,” Seán winked and he was surprised when Felix let out a soft groan. Most alphas would never even consider being topped but Felix wasn’t a typical alpha, he might actually consider it at some point and Seán found he wasn’t against the idea either. Reaching for Felix’s cock, Seán began to stroke him, he was hard already and Seán sank down onto his elbows, intentionally keeping his ass in the air. Taking a breath to steady himself, he began to lick across the head of Felix’s cock which made them both groan. This was the first he’d ever done this, his notoriously bad gag reflex had scared him off of even trying this before. To his credit, Felix had never once complained or pressured him to try it. He’d seen Seán gag on next to nothing enough to know better. This though, this Seán felt like he could handle so he lapped up the sides of Felix’s cock, swirled his tongue around the head, and used his hand to keep stroking him the entire time. Felix threaded his fingers through Seán’s hair and moaned softly but didn’t try to move him or push him to do more.

“Shit, that’s good.” he breathed. Seán looked up and could see Felix’s eyes shut and his chest rising and falling more rapidly as his breathing grew more ragged. “Fuck, I love you, Seán.”

The encouragement made Seán feel more confident and wrapped his lips around Felix’s cock and sucked, just the head, and he held down Felix’s hips for good measure. He knew well enough himself that sometimes you could involuntarily thrust upwards during a blow job without meaning to and Seán was trying to make this good without actually gagging. Felix muttered something in Swedish only half of which Seán understood. Part of it was swearing and by now he was pretty much fluent in Swedish curse words. Again, it felt like a compliment, so he kept going, hand pumping Felix a little faster. By then he could both feel and taste precum on his tongue. It was a new sensation for him, definitely saltier and muskier than eating a girl out but about the same consistency. If he was honest, it turned him on because this was Felix he was tasting and everything about Felix was just so good to him.

After a few minutes of Seán lightly experimenting, Felix pulled on his hair, this time to get Seán to let up. “I don’t know how you do that so well but you gotta stop. I still wanna fuck you.”

“We’ve got all night.” Seán teased, climbing back up Felix’s body, intending to kiss his chest but Felix pulled him up more so he could kiss Seán hard. The alpha’s tongue wound into his mouth and he had to be able to taste himself on Seán’s tongue but either didn’t mind it or actually enjoyed it. Seán wasn’t sure which yet but he went along with the kiss, running a hand down Felix’s chest, twirling through the hair there. It took a few minutes before Felix started to get impatient again, rocking his hips against Seán’s and moaning softly every time his dick touched the lace of the panties Seán was still wearing.

“That thing is so fucking hot,” he breathed before rearing a hand back and slapping Seán’s ass hard. 

Jolting a little, Seán went a bit red. “More comfortable than I thought it’d be too.”

Felix smacked Seán’s ass again, but after this strike, he let his fingers trail down the fabric that went down between the cheeks of Seán’s ass. “Fucking wet as hell. You must be trying to kill me.” Pushing the lace aside a little, Felix slid two fingers all the way into Seán’s ass, making him gasp and arch his back. “So fucking slick for me, baby. I don’t think you’ve ever been this wet for me. You must really want a knot, huh?” 

Nodding, Seán bit down on his bottom lip, not trusting his voice to be steady enough to speak.

“Dressing up like a slut, sucking my cock, and slick as you’ve probably ever been, God, if I died after fucking you, I wouldn’t even mind, it’s so fucking perfect.” To make his point he curled his fingers against Seán’s spot, which he seemed to be an expert at finding now, making Seán’s whole body tremble. “Ride me.” The words had some force behind them, it was definitely a command and not a request. Seán moved to push the panties off but Felix grabbed his wrist and growled. “Leave them on.” Shuddering Seán moved into position, Felix sliding his fingers out of him to hold the thong aside. Seán gripped Felix’s cock in one hand and lowered himself down onto it with a low moan. “How does it feel?”

“Feels like yer fuckin’ huge.”

Smirking, Felix bucked his hips hard, making Seán nearly sob because it was just that intense, it felt so damn good. Another hard slap to his ass and Seán arched, head tipping back and eyes shutting, unable to see the way Felix was grinning up at him. “Get that pretty little ass moving, Jack.”

Ever since they started dating, Felix tended to refer to him as Seán more often than Jack unless he was talking about him to someone else. When he did call him Jack it was usually because he was in a playful or teasing mood so that gave Seán a good idea about where Felix’s head was at right now. He was thoroughly enjoying seeing Seán at his mercy.

Taking time to take a few deep breaths, Seán began to rock his hips, moaning softly as he began to ride Felix’s cock, taking it slow at first, lifting his hips before pressing back down with a low groan each time. They’d only tried this position a handful of times, simply because of how intense it was for Seán. He always felt like he walked a little bowlegged the next day but that’s not to say he didn’t enjoy it. It’s just that Felix wasn’t small by any means and feeling this full was something he liked to save for a special occasion. 

“That’s it, keep going.” Felix was beginning to thrust into him lazily, hands running up and down Seán’s thighs.

Biting down on his bottom lip, Seán kept moving, fucking himself on Felix’s cock, rocking his hips and riding him in slow, steady movements. His own cock was hard and aching, leaking precum against the front of the thong. This was already shaping up to be some of the best sex they’d had yet. They’d been dating for less than a month officially but they were definitely in a honeymoon phase where they had sex at least once a day still. Usually, it was more than once a day, they’d fucked twice this morning alone and were still aching for each other by the end of the night.

Picking up the tempo a bit, Seán really began to grind his ass back against Felix who responded by thrusting harder and faster, gripping Seán’s hips to guide him. It felt so good, Seán wasn’t sure how much of it he could take before he would fall apart and become a babbling mess.

“So fuckin’ good, Fe’.” he breathed, placing a hand on Felix’s chest for a little leverage as he rolled his hips.

“I know, baby, you’re being so good for me.”

A soft whine escaped him and Seán began moving quicker and with my desperation. “Fuck me, fuck me ‘til I don’t know me own fuckin’ name.”

Another low growl from Felix and he shifted a little before snapping his hips upward, driving himself deeper into Seán, making the omega’s toes curl. Seán kept going, pressing back to meet Felix’s movements, mouth hanging open as he moaned brokenly. He wanted to go again after this but his thighs were shaking and he was becoming so overstimulated he was wondering if that was even a possibility.

Never say never, though.

It didn’t take much longer before he felt Felix’s knot beginning to swell and he knew it wouldn’t be long before the alpha reached his peak. Reaching down the front of the now entirely too constricting panties, Seán began to fist his cock, hand flying over himself as he sank down onto Felix’s cock. There was the distinctive stretch and then immobilizing tension as Felix knotted him, the alpha panting hard and moaning loudly as he came. That overwhelming feeling of fullness was what finally did it for Seán as he came hard, body tightening around Felix instinctively, making Felix jerk and Seán felt his cock twitch inside him as he pumped that much more cum into Seán.

“Holy shit,” Felix said, panting hard and eyelids drooping. He reached up to cup Seán’s jaw, looking up at him like he was completely amazed and all the love in the world in those clear blue eyes of his.

Carefully, Seán laid across Felix, mindful of the fact they were still tied together. “I love you, Felix, happy birthday,” he smiled before leaning in to kiss his alpha. It was incredibly slow and tender considering what they’d just been doing.

“I love you too,” Felix breathed out against his cheek after they broke the kiss to catch their breath. He wrapped both his arms around Seán, just holding him close and kissing across his jaw and down his neck, making Seán shiver because he was already overstimulated and sensitive.

“So, did you have a good day?”

“Let’s see, I was inside you three times today, you made me breakfast, we took the day off, you got everyone together for a great fucking meal, you got me Ikea Yeezys and gave me a blow job while wearing a thong. Pretty fucking dope if you ask me,” he chuckled.

“It was barely a blow job.” It had been a new experience for him and Felix seemed to appreciate the effort but Seán didn’t think it could have been all that stellar. While he enjoyed giving Felix pleasure he had also been very careful not to push his limits.

“Whatever, it felt good, I liked it, you didn’t gag or choke, I count that as a win.” Felix was nosing against his scent gland now, taking in deep steady breaths.

Grinning, Seán just let himself relax, feeling content knowing Felix was happy. “I know we said about going twice tonight but-”

“Yeah, that might have to wait, I think we’re both fucking spent after that.” One of Felix’s hands was gently stroking his hair back now, the other rubbing circles over the base of his spine.

“I’m probably not going to be able to sit right tomorrow,” Seán said with a laugh.

“I know, I kinda feel bad but at the same time, holy fuck was that good.”

“Worth it.”

Felix kissed Seán’s cheek and Seán felt himself growing more and more tired, exhausted from the effort, mind still hazy from the whiskey and the orgasm and relaxed from the gentle touching.

“If I fall asleep…” he interrupted himself with a yawn.

“I’ll take care of you, don’t worry. You sleep like the dead after we do it like this.”

Seán just gave a small nod.

“Roll you off, wipe you down, take off that exotic underwear of yours, and tuck us in.”

Another nod.

“Just rest, baby, you’re good, you’re safe, I love you.”

“Love ye too,” Seán mumbled as he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

The plan had been to enjoy Felix’s birthday and then break the news about their relationship to their parents. It’d been almost a month since then before Felix started nudging Seán to make the call. He really didn’t want to do it. Malcolm he could tell without stress, probably Allison too, but telling his parents just seemed daunting. There was additional guilt as his father’s health had been poor lately and it was something the whole family was concerned with. Dropping this bombshell now didn’t seem fair but at the same time, he didn’t want to hide this from his family. Technically his relationship with Felix was new but it was pretty damn serious from the get-go. Seán had a tendency to fall hard and fast for the people he dated, he craved intimacy, emotional even more so than physical, and valued commitment deeply. Felix had given him all that before they even made things official.

“What if I make coffee for you every day for a month?” Felix asked as he made pancakes. Swedish pancakes , as he had frequently mentioned whenever he made them. Felix had a thing about wanting to feed Seán sometimes. A lot of people would assume omegas were the ones always barefoot and pregnant slaving away in the kitchen and maybe some were but there was a complexity to a relationship between an alpha and an omega. Some alphas felt a strong drive to take care of their omega's needs and prioritized their wellbeing and Felix definitely had those qualities. Neither one of them were amazing cooks but they had taken a few cooking classes together as a date night activity. They’d both definitely improved but neither one of them was ready to roast a turkey on their own, maybe together they could handle it, maybe.

“It’s not that hard to make coffee.” While Seán did prefer to buy actual coffee beans and use a grinder it really wasn’t that much effort.

“What if I blow you after I make you coffee every day for a month?”

Seán’s brows arched at that. “You act like you’ll remember, you’ll forget what you promised in a week.”

Looking over his shoulder from where he was busy at the stove, Felix frowned. “C’mon, babe, you gotta do it soon.” Of course, he was right but it was too early in the day for Seán to be panicking over making a phone call yet.

“It’s easy for you, you make one call to your parents and text your sister and they’ll all be fine with it. I should at least give Malcolm and Allison the courtesy of a phone call, then my Mam and hopefully she won’t relay it to my dad while I’m still on the phone with her, then, if I’m lucky, I can maybe get away with a group text with all my siblings together.” He’d run through the scenario many times in his head and it was exhausting every time.

“Seán,” Felix sighed, plating the pancakes he’d made for both of them and turning off the stovetop. “We agreed, you tell your family, then I tell mine so we end it on a high note. I don’t feel good about keeping this a secret from people I love.”

Hanging his head a little, Seán gripped his coffee mug a little tighter. He was quickly lost in spiraling thoughts and felt like his chest was growing tighter and like he wanted to just go outside and run until he was ready to collapse.

The beginning of a panic attack was interrupted by Felix setting two plates on the table. He looked down at Seán with sympathy and walked behind him to wrap an arm around his chest and kiss his neck gently. He really needed to shave, his stubble was growing out and prickling Seán’s skin but it was a feeling he’d gotten used to by now and even learned to appreciate. A little spice to the sweetness. 

“I love you and I hate feeling like I’m pressuring you but this is really important to me,” Felix murmured against his skin.

“I know.” Seán forced himself to take a deep breath and found he was actually able to relax with Felix leaning over him, protecting him from the world, from his own thoughts. “After breakfast, I need you to be with me though.”

“I’ll be there.” Felix pressed a few more kisses up and down his neck with more fervor. “Thank you.”

Seán nodded and Felix stood up, giving his shoulders a light rub in parting. “What kind of jam do you want with your pancakes?” He was already going to the cabinets.

“Strawberry.” Edgar came running over and stood on his hind legs, front paws on Seán’s knee. “Not for you, pal,” he actually managed to smile as he reached down to pet the little black dog. He’d probably come running when he heard food being set out but Seán also found that Edgar now picked up on his anxiety and would sometimes come and want to sit with him when he was overly stressed. “I’ll pretend you’re here because you love me.”

Felix returned with jam and silverware and started to spread jam onto the pancakes. “I think you’ve stolen my dog’s undying love and affection,” he said, although there was a smile on his face. 

“Nah, he’s still obsessed with you, I’m just glad he’s not jealous that another man is stealing his dad’s attention.”

Just like that, the tension had diffused and Seán felt like he could breathe again. He felt like he could take on the challenges today would bring. He was lucky. Damn lucky to have Felix by his side through this, Felix was worth the effort, he was worth more than Seán could ever give him, he was utterly precious to him.

“Alright, eat before it gets cold, I’m not measuring ingredients again because you didn’t eat when you were supposed to,” he said, pushing a plate in front of Seán.

Looking up, Seán gave Felix a small smile, waiting for him to sit as well so they could dig in together.

--

Three hours later, Seán tossed his phone to the opposite side of the sofa just wanting to be away from it, to have it finally out of his hands. Coming out to his family had been hard but not as bad as he expected. Still, the worry and energy he spent explaining himself repeatedly had taken a toll. Malcolm had been one hundred percent supportive, Allison had questions but ultimately said she was happy for him. His mom, well they agreed to disagree on some things, it wasn’t worth a fight to either of them but she’d ended the phone call saying she still loved him which left Seán near tears in relief.

Religion had naturally played a role in the conversation, she disagreed with homosexuality which he knew but she at least wasn’t prejudiced, she’d taken the same stance when Signe moved in with him, cohabitating before marriage he’d been told was a sin too. 

“You’ll answer to God, Jack, not me.”

Seán was pretty certain he didn’t believe in God, or at least not the God he was brought up to worship so he brushed it off every time. He knew she just loved him and worried but it was still hard to try and reconcile their very different beliefs. Everyone but Malcolm had asked if he intended to marry Felix because even if it was a sin to be in a same-sex relationship, it was a bigger deal to live with someone and not be married, especially if they had a kid outside of wedlock. A bastard child would surely secure his role as the fuck up of the family. Not that anyone ever called him that, it was self-appointed a long time ago and a feeling Seán couldn’t shake no matter how hard he tried. Only Simon had ever come down on him in that way and only once, right after he dropped out of college. It was more out of frustration because he knew Seán was better than living like he was at the time but it had still been deeply hurtful, even after an apology years later when YouTube finally started paying his bills.

Currently, Felix had an arm wrapped around him, just holding him close because by the time he cast his phone aside, Seán’s hands were shaking. “I’m proud of you,” he said softly, kissing Seán’s temple. He’d sat beside Seán through all of it, literally holding his hand at some points. His alpha had stayed nearly silent through it all, letting Seán handle things how he needed to but now he was still here through the fallout. “It went better than you expected.” 

A brief nod and Seán wiped away the tears brimming in his eyes. He felt exhausted and vulnerable and the only place he wanted to be was right here in Felix’s arms. Edgar was still asleep on the other side of Felix, leaving his lap available so Seán just laid his head down there and let out a shaky breath. This had been one of the hardest things he’d had to do in a while and it took a lot out of him. Felix seemed to intuit how fragile he was right then and just simply rubbed his back and gave Seán time to compose himself. He seemed to know Seán was talked out and just simply needed emotional support and physical touch to calm him down.

They stayed like that for a long while, Felix just gently touching him and offering the occasional words of comfort and validation. It was precisely what Seán needed but it still took him some time to wind down. “I’m glad now more than ever my family isn’t Catholic like everyone else back in Sweden,” he mused quietly, now moving to stroke Seán’s hair back, fingers lightly massaging his scalp which was a sure-fire way to get Seán to relax.

“It wasn’t that bad growin’ up. Now it sucks fuckin’ ass.” Seán murmured, finally feeling like he had the wherewithal to speak again.

“Is it cool if I tell my parents now? If you want, it can wait until tomorrow.”

It had been obvious for quite some time now that Felix was excited to share the news with his family. It’s not that he was closer to his parents than Seán was per se, it fluctuated who called home more but Felix also knew he’d be accepted with open arms. That and he seemed so damn happy to be with Seán that he wanted to tell his loved ones he trusted. He was definitely the more paranoid of the pair of them about things being leaked out though, but he was also the more famous one, people watched him more closely and analyzed him constantly, Seán got that sometimes but never to the extent Felix did. If the roles were reversed, Seán might be a little paranoid too. It wasn’t until September that Felix and Marzia made a public statement about their breakup, short and sweet, and neither responded to comments or criticism. The fact Felix started dating Seán only a month after it was announced, despite the breakup having happened in July made the timeline look suspicious. Besides, they were both fairly private where things really mattered and they wanted to have this time to themselves to settle in and get comfortable before they started professing their love for each other to the whole world.

“You can call them as long as I don’t have to move.” Right now Seán still needed the comfort and closeness, that and he was just plain comfortable and didn’t want to move yet.

Turning his head a little to look up at Felix, Seán saw him grinning like an excited kid, looking like he wanted to wiggle out of his seat but managed to remain still. “Thank you, I fucking love you, you know that?” Leaning down, he kissed Seán’s temple before reaching for his phone. “Seriously, babe, you’re fucking incredible and I’m so goddamn proud of you.”

That made Seán smile a little, he had to focus on the fact that more people accepted him and had his back than those that didn’t. He could hear Felix fiddling with his phone, ringing his parents before the day got even further away from them. There was the usual greeting Felix gave his parents, most likely his mom because his dad had a tendency to walk away from his phone and forget about it and then miss calls. Everything transpired in Swedish so Seán was almost completely out of the loop. One word he could make out easily was “love”, älskar . Seán was now used to Felix mumbling jag älskar dig , “I love you”, to him when he was sleepy or during sex. Whenever Felix’s brain seemed to stop for some reason, exhaustion, passion, shock, he often switched to Swedish which Seán found incredibly endearing. The only other things that stood out were infrequent swears and “Jack” or “Seán” being spoken repeatedly.

The tone of the call sounded positive, Felix laughed and got animated as he talked to his parents but still kept his free hand on Seán at all times, either ruffling his hair, rubbing his back, just touching his arm, he seemed to keep Seán’s needs in mind even as he held a conversation. At a few points, Felix would groan or sound sheepish but he was quite sure it was due to being teased or embarrassed by personal questions he didn’t want to answer. Even in another language, Seán could understand the direction of a conversation from Felix’s tone of voice. After maybe twenty minutes he sighed, telling them he loved them before hanging up. There were a few moments of silence before Felix spoke again. “My mom started to cry because she’s so happy I’m gay now, apparently.”

“But you’re not gay.”

“I tried to tell her that but she ignored me! Even my dad tried to say maybe I was just bisexual, even though I don’t really feel bi either but my mom insists I’m gay and that she’s known it all along,” he sighed.

Seán turned a little to look up at him, giving Felix a smile. “Your mom and Mark would get along famously, just saying, “I told you so” until the end of fuckin’ time.”

Felix grimaced when he brought up Mark. “She’s already told me she thinks he’s ‘hot', I don’t want to think about those two in a room together.” Felix scrubbed a hand over his face but ultimately looked happy. Seán knew it’d bothered him to wait this long but now he seemed to finally be content and more at ease.

“Did your dad have any pearls of wisdom?” Seán was genuinely curious.

“To think with my head and not with my dick and to practice safe sex.” Felix rolled his eyes and Seán burst into a cackling laugh. It was such a dad way to handle things, Seán’s own father had basically told him the same thing when he first went to visit his now ex-girlfriend in Korea.

“Well I’m on suppressants, we’ve both been tested.” They’d never once used a condom though, whoops. “Safe enough I think.”

“Please don’t tell them any of that,” Felix groaned. Seán giggled but he could appreciate how awkward it was discussing your sex life with your parents, he certainly avoided it at all costs.

“Fine, should I leave out the part where you knot me too?” he was straight up tormenting Felix now.

“Jesus Christ, Seán! Do not tell them anything!” Felix lightly smacked his ass for being such a little shit. “Another thing, they want us both to come for Christmas.”

“Really? They want to make sure I’m not a gold digger or something?”

“No, they’re not like that. And they know you’re not like that. I think they just want to get to know you. Marzia and I actually lived in Sweden so they saw us pretty regularly. I’m sure they’re a bit curious, especially since you’re the only guy I’ve ever been with.” Now Felix was back to rubbing Seán’s arm. “And it’s not like they’re religious, they just like the spirit of Christmas like I do, it was always fun there growing up. Plus you’d actually get to see Sweden which should be like, number one on your places to visit.” Felix smirked.

“You sound like you’re trying to sell me on the idea. I’m on board with it already, I mean it’ll be a crunch recording before the trip but we can do it.” 

Felix’s face positively lit up and he leaned down to kiss Seán’s cheek. “You’re fucking amazing, babe. You really want to go?”

“Of course, I’d love to see your family, it’ll be our first Christmas together too, it’ll be great. You’ll just have to help me pick out gifts.” That was the only real concern of Seán’s.

“Baby, you don’t have to do anything like that.”

“I want to though. They’re hosting us, it’s my first time meeting them, I want to make a good impression. Shit, they might be my in-laws one day, I want them to like me.”

“Yeah, they will be.” Felix sounded surprisingly confident about Seán marrying into the family already which warmed Seán’s heart to think about. Knowing Felix felt that strongly and had probably already thought about him and Seán spending their lives together. Seems as if Seán wasn’t the only one in this deep. He’d pretty much already known that but this was the first Felix had verbalized it. “And they won’t like you, they’ll fucking love you. You’re amazing, we’re great together, you make me happy, you’ve been with me through so much even before we got together, they already respect you, I know that much.”

That made the warm feeling in his chest spread. The fact Felix had probably talked about him enough for his mom and dad to have a feeling for the type of man Seán was. It just made him feel good like he really was as important as his alpha told him he was. “I love ye’, Fe’, I just want things to go well, it means a lot to me, you mean a lot to me.” Seán moved to sit upright again, leaning into Felix’s side, and was met with an arm wrapped around him. The shifting made Edgar pick his head up for a moment, before grunting and closing his eyes again.

“I know you care about me, you came out to your family for me.” Felix had a fond smile on his face before leaning in to kiss Seán slowly. It was lazy and slow, just appreciating each other for a few minutes. It never got heated, even as their tongues brushed, they were both too spent to take it any further so they just took their time and enjoyed the moment. Pulling back a little, Felix smiled again. “And things are going well, you know. I’m happy, being with you is one of the best feelings I’ve ever had, I know it’s still new but I can’t picture life without you, not that I ever could since we first became friends. You’ve always been there for me and I just want to keep you forever, you’re my mate.”

As always, Seán started to tear up a little and Felix pressed kisses to his skin when he noticed, wrapping both arms around Seán now. He didn’t get as nervous when Seán cried anymore because now he realized being overjoyed was as likely to make him cry as feeling morose. Still, he always got protective, holding him close and wiping away tears, and murmuring soft, comforting words to him. “Sorry, I just, I love it when you get all sappy.” Felix didn’t shy away from telling Seán he loved him but he usually left it at that and let his actions show how much he cared. The alpha wasn’t one to wax poetic about his feelings, part of that was just his culture, part of it was his personality in general. He might rant and be talkative and overly excitable in front of a camera but for the most part, he was actually relatively reserved and very level-headed. He had his goofy and playful moments like anyone but Felix and his online persona were very different, just like Seán wasn’t always screaming and overly exuberant in his day-to-day life. Seán was excitable and got loud when he felt strongly about something but that’s just who he was and had always been but he was also incredibly intuitive and felt things so deeply.

They were actually a remarkable match, they balanced each other. Seán made Felix laugh and not be so serious and Felix grounded him and kept him centered. It felt like they were just meant for each other.

“You’re good, I know I don’t say that shit enough.”

Shaking his head, Seán smiled and pressed a kiss to Felix’s cheek. “You say it enough, it just still blows me away to hear it.” Even just a year ago he never imagined he’d be in this position, that’d he’d be this happy. It was very surreal. When he first met Felix there had been zero attraction but getting to know him, growing close to him, he quickly became Seán’s biggest weakness. “I love ye’, but you know that well enough by now,” he chuckled.

“Still feels good to hear,” he gently stroked Seán's hair back and gave him another quick little kiss. “And I’ll still make you coffee every morning for a month.”

“What, no blow jobs?”

Felix rolled his eyes but started to laugh. “You never agreed to it! This is just me being nice.”

“Blow jobs are nice.”

“Fine, but not every day.”

“They said love would be a compromise,” Seán sighed, being just a tad dramatic for comedy. He didn’t really care if Felix sucked his dick every day or not, just having him close was what mattered. 

“You’re a greedy little slut when you want to be, you know that?” Felix was smirking and kissed Seán once more for good measure.

“Only for you.”

“Good, let’s keep it that way.”

Chapter Text

“We should definitely do it.” Felix insisted after a few minutes of pitching a video idea to Seán.

“Only two people asked for it.”

“No, like three.” For some reason, Felix was being very persistent but Seán was still wary. “I’ve been planning this for a while, I just need someone to man the camera.”

“That’s what tripods are for.” Seán was trying to send an email but Felix wouldn’t leave him be.

“It’s not the same and you know it.”

Sighing, Seán set his phone down, because he knew he needed to address Felix first. “Fine, but it just seems risky. Me filming you at home. People will start suspecting shit, you know they will.”

“They know we’re both in Brighton, you’re just helping out a bro, we keep it professional and it’ll be good. People always try to pick up on things in our videos, it won’t be anything new, it won’t confirm anything.” Felix was giving Seán such a pleading look and it was unfortunately working.

“And you’re sure you really want to go there?”

“Please, it’s not even a collab, you work the camera, ask a few questions, it’ll be fine.”

Sighing, Seán realized he couldn’t deny Felix the help, not when he was so enthusiastic to make this video. If the roles were reversed he’d hope Felix would help him out. It’s just Felix was usually the wary one but it seemed like he wanted to do this badly enough and was confident enough to want to make it happen. “Okay, I’ll do it, but I’m not putting my face on camera for this.”

“I’m not asking you to, babe,” Felix reassured him.

“Alright, just tell me when you want to set up and we’ll shoot it.”

Now Felix was grinning like crazy and he leaned in to press a light kiss to Seán’s lips. “You're the ultimate, bro!”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too.” Only then did Seán smile a little before picking up his phone again. He really did need to get this email out soon.

--

Unfortunately, Felix’s "Closet Review" video had to be filmed in their bedroom simply for the fact that’s where the closet was. Seán set up an angle that revealed little to nothing of the bed. He wasn’t sure why he felt weird thinking of people seeing it but he did. Though Felix seemed to be of the same mindset and had told him to keep it out of frame as much as possible. It was their place together, it was comforting and intimate and neither of them wanted to share that with the world. Besides, this was about Felix talking about clothes so that’s what should be the main focus.

They’d talked through it a bit during the day and it was getting towards evening by the time they actually got the camera set up and did the best they could with the lighting. Felix was mic’d up and Seán was ready to film, having stretched his arms a little to prepare to hold the camera for an unforeseen amount of time. It shouldn’t take that long but he wanted to be prepared. 

Felix was wearing one of his many black shirts with his, for lack of a better term, harness. Basically, a strap that was slung over one shoulder and buckled around his chest. He was obviously showing off a little for the camera since it’d be one long one-sided conversation about fashion. The harness thing had really confused Seán at first and he joked that it made Felix look like he was into bondage but the alpha had rambled something about accessorizing and how he was way better at it than Seán. Which was true of course, Seán barely even tried to get that into things. He liked things that were comfortable first and foremost and then narrowed it down to a style. He was also guilty of holding onto mediocre pieces for way too long just because he was attached to them. Felix sometimes held onto things but usually because he selected things carefully and was proud to wear them. For someone co-owning a clothing brand, Seán actually didn’t have that many strong opinions about fashion, or at least not like Felix did. Seán’s closet was mostly moderately priced, comfortable finds and merch.

After adjusting his outfit for about the eighth time, Felix finally seemed ready. “How’s the lighting look?”

“A little shit, but it’s your channel so that’s nothing new,” Seán said, readying the camera and getting it to focus on Felix standing in front of his closet.

“Fuck you!” Felix said loudly but he ended up laughing.

“Ye’ did that this morning, if you want to do it again tonight we need to get this shit done, now I’m pressing record, so behave yourself.”

“Fine.” It was an annoyed grumble but Seán hit record anyway, Felix took a deep breath and let it out again, Seán zoomed in a little, and Felix seemed ready.

“Welcome all millions of new subscribers that don’t want T-Series to win…”

Seán was rolling his eyes behind the camera but kept the camera steady as Felix kept going.

There were a few different takes for certain parts of the intro as Felix got warmed up.

“Are you zooming in on my face?” Felix asked.

Seán moved the camera side to side as if it was shaking its head ‘no’

“And we have the lovely JackSepticEye helping me film this today. Jack was around so I put him to work.”

Seán held up his thumb in frame to confirm. “I’m so lucky to be here right now,” he deadpanned.

“I know you are, now shut up.” The flippant tone wasn’t one Felix ever took with him in real life and was just for show and surely to throw off the scent of would-be shippers. After that, he continued with what he was saying and Seán just went along with it. “Where do I begin?”

“Red-sleeved one,” Seán said, pointing in frame to the shirt he meant. It was a newer shirt and he honestly had no idea where Felix had gotten it from so he might as well start there. This might be as informational to Seán as it was to the viewers.

“...That’s fashion. You see this that I’m wearing,” Felix touched the weird belt-harness thing around his chest, “that’s fashion. What purpose does it have? Absolutely nothing. That’s. Fashion.” He put heavy emphasis on the last two words.

“It looks like a dog harness.” Seán piped up from behind the camera, already speaking more than he had ever intended to. Maybe Brad would edit it out, maybe not, he trusted his decision and knew he wouldn’t keep anything too suspect in the video.

Felix’s face fell and Seán knew it was all for the camera, especially when Felix mouthed ‘fuck you’.

Steadily Felix went through his closet, pulling certain pieces out and naming the brand, and describing what he liked about it, often the fact that it was oversized. Half the time he looked like he was swimming in his clothes but Seán had to admit, he pulled it off. Seán would just look like a child in hand-me-downs but Felix somehow made it seem stylish. Of the pieces being pulled out, they’d later film Felix wearing them to show what they actually looked like on someone and not just on a hanger. Soon he shifted to going through the top drawer, going through expensive designer t-shirts with a theme Seán didn’t fully get. Some of them were really cool, he had to admit, but Felix had a grand scheme when it came to his wardrobe and Seán could simply not relate. 

Rotating back to the hanging items, Felix continued from brand to brand. He wound up talking about a Japanese brand and told a short story about how his interest in fashion started in Japan, namely being in Tokyo. It was interesting, not even Seán had known that, he felt like he was oddly getting closer to his boyfriend having all this explained to him. It was insight he didn’t have before so it was sure to be a hit with his viewers. 

“I really miss that. Just going outside and wearing whatever you feel like and just embracing that, it’s really fun.” There was a pause like he was preparing a stopping point to edit around. “We need to get you there, go shopping for you, it’ll be so fun, babe.” It was like he was looking directly through the camera into Seán’s eyes, his expression far softer now. 

“I want to go, we just need to find time.” That was always Seán’s greatest struggle, making time for his personal life. He did better with Felix around, he had let go of uploading two videos a day just so they could have more time together as a couple and to ease his mental health. He’d addressed it on his channel and explained it as a need to have more time to himself which wasn’t a lie but he omitted the driving force behind it, Felix.

“We need to make time.” Felix corrected, giving Seán a pointed look.

“Yeah, but you can film in Japan, I need to have stuff prepped and ready to go because nothing screams ‘they’re having sex’ more than a shared vacation,” he chuckled.

Felix rolled his eyes but agreed. “I know, but I still really want to go there with you.”

“Maybe January when the ad revenue dies.”

That made Felix perk up a little. “Alright, we’re scheduling this once we’re done.”

“Okay, okay, then keep going.”

Felix took a breath then did just that. He went through brands Seán had never heard of before dating Felix and even then he couldn’t keep any of them straight. The alpha had only needed to do minimal checking online before they shot to make sure he had the origins of the brands correct, most of it was already committed to memory which was oddly impressive if Seán was honest. 

“I love this thing.” Felix began, taking out his bag that he wore out rather often. It looked half-tactical and half, again, like a dog harness. Seán had joked that all he needed to do was clip a leash to the back so he wouldn’t lose Felix in public. Not that he ever really lost him but he found the joke funny even if Felix didn’t. “It’s a bag from Alex, it’s one of my favorite brands. I know it’s not called Alex anymore but I can’t be bothered,” he said as he put the thing on and clipped it around his chest. In the lighting of their bedroom, it was hard to see against his black shirt but Seán kept filming anyway, there wasn’t much he could do against the waning light. When he pulled out and put on the Gucci face mask, Seán couldn’t contain a laugh. It was the most ridiculous thing in the world and he still couldn’t believe Felix had spent hard-earned money on it when he liked to throw away things they actually did need but used so infrequently that Felix deemed them irrelevant. 

Then he pulled out a hoodie, one Seán recognized because he had really liked it and Felix had gifted him an identical one for his birthday, long before they started dating. It was one of the nicest pieces Seán owned and the fact it was from Felix made it even more special. He grinned because he already knew where Felix was going with this. “Jack posted a picture of himself wearing one of these and they liked it!” 

Seán did his best to contain his laughter. “Yeah, I liked yours so you gave me one for my birthday.” It was simple clarification, they gifted each other things long before they started dating, they were good friends and Felix was generous. Nothing too suspect about that, right?

“But I wear them all the time and they never like it!” He was acting aggressive and frustrated but ended up chuckling, not able to keep up the act.

“You’re just jealous I look better in it, bro!” Seán announced loudly.

Felix shot the camera a disparaging look, shaking his head silently while looking directly into the camera for effect. Then he began speaking about the brand a little before moving on to the next thing. After going back and forth with shoes he ended things with the white Balenciaga shoes he never wore.

Seán gave it a beat before speaking up. “Are you not showing off the Yeezy’s?”

“No way! Those are from you, people don’t get an explanation behind that. Those are special, I love them.”

“You wear ‘em out though.” Seán countered.

“Yeah, because I love them! But I’m not gonna discuss them, it’s too personal.” Felix said, head ducking a little as his cheeks went a little red after admitting that.

“Aw, babe!” Seán couldn’t help it. Brad would have plenty of sappiness to edit out now so he let it go and gave Felix a nod to wrap things up, which he quickly did, ending with a brofist.

“How’d that go?” he asked as Seán stopped recording.

“Good. I think you actually speak more clearly when it’s about things you love.” Sometimes Felix got flustered in front of the camera still and said things incorrectly which people loved to tease him about but in person, he was actually more composed. In this video he spoke like he normally did, not putting on a voice or really yelling at all, just him being natural, engaged with one of his interests. 

“Then I should speak very clearly about you,” he said with a smile.

“You do, unless I make you cum, then you can’t speak any language clearly.” Seán grinned.

“You act like you’re so goddamn eloquent after I fuck your brains out.”

“Fair, fair.” Seán relented. “Now start getting changed so we can film the outfits and clear off the bed before it’s actually time for us to get in it.”

Felix did quick changes in outfits and Seán filmed each one, maybe around ten of them before they decided they had enough footage. He had hoped they’d finish a bit sooner so he could record some of his own content but it was getting later and Seán just didn’t stay up all hours like he used to, not when he knew Felix was waiting in bed for him. Felix was definitely the morning person in the relationship but he was used to getting up when Edgar barked around 6 am to be let out to do his business. That was an adjustment for Seán, both having a dog in the bed and the early morning wake-up call. Felix usually came back to bed after and slept for a few more hours before they both got up to start the day. Another difference was Felix mainly shot during the day while Seán waited until night to get his done. Right now he was feeling tired and didn’t feel like going the distance to his own home to film with his setup.

“We really need to start looking at houses, then I’d be able to film a video tonight if I felt like it.” Not that he really felt like it but the point still stood.

“Oh so now you’re on the We-Need-To-Move train?” Felix looked a little surprised, they’d talked about it but Seán was usually the one wanting to wait.

“It’s starting to become a pain in the ass to have you drive me to my own damn house.”

“Or you could get your license.” Felix had been pushing for that for a long time now, even before they started dating.

“One day.” Seán sighed, he really wasn’t looking forward to it but it would make life a hell of a lot easier.

“One day soon.” Felix corrected, he was putting clothes back on hangers or folding them and putting them away in his closet.

“Maybe.”

“Seán, you’re going to be twenty-nine soon, it’s time.” Felix was starting to sound firm about this lately.

“When we find a house, I’ll learn, okay?” The areas they had been casually looking into were still in Brighton but further away from Seán’s house which he intended to keep for a few more months after they sold Felix’s place just to have somewhere to record so no one found it suspicious that they moved at the same time. It was really going out of their way to maintain their privacy but that was the plan for now. Friends and family had found it absurd and told them to just come clean but neither one of them felt like they were ready for that yet.

“After Christmas, we’re going house hunting, like for real this time. You can learn to drive at the same time. I want you to at least try to get your license before we move.”

Seán gave a heavy sigh but nodded. “Fucking fine, I’ll do it.”

Stepping closer, Felix wrapped his arms around Seán, pulling him in close before scenting his neck and then began to kiss it with intent. It made Seán shiver because Felix was definitely in some sort of mood now. “I love you, remember that.”

“Can’t forget it, it makes it hard to stay mad at ye’,” he said, resting his hands on Felix’s hips, despite putting on some muscle his hips were just as narrow and the bones stuck out a little. 

“You smell really good,” Felix murmured, giving Seán’s neck a playful nip. It made him wish he wasn’t so tired so they could have some fun now that the bed was cleared off.

“Yeah, the great new scent of we didn’t go to the gym today so I was able to get away with not showering.” Seán rolled his eyes but one of Felix’s hands was sliding down his back, lower and lower until it got to his ass, at which point Felix gave it a grope.

“I like it, you smell like you and you’re my omega.” Yep, Felix was definitely in a mood and Seán wasn’t sure he could keep up tonight.

Sighing he kissed the corner of Felix’s lips lightly. “Fe’, I’m tired.” That made Felix pause but he was still squeezing Seán’s ass.

“Too tired for me to eat you out?”

Well, Seán hadn’t been expecting that. “Is that what you’re on about?”

Felix had resumed kissing down his omega’s neck, a hand now sliding up his shirt to pluck at one of Seán’s nipples which really wasn’t fair because that was probably the easiest way to get him going. “Mhmm. All you have to do is lay there and spread your legs for me.”

“And what about you?” They’d done this before and for whatever reason, it really turned Felix on so Seán knew Felix wouldn’t be able to just get him off and then roll over and go to sleep.

“I have hands, Seán.”

That made him blink in surprise. Since they started dating they’d oddly never discussed masturbation habits. They’d joked about it before all this, even fessed up to the type of stuff they usually liked to watch but now... As frequently as they had sex, Seán didn’t find himself wandering off to those sites as often. When he did it was usually in his office and a primer for getting into bed with Felix. What he watched now changed drastically too. Almost entirely male alpha on male omega, when he could find it but beta male on male was acceptable too.

A long time ago Felix had confessed to liking to watching beta or omega lesbian porn and the occasional gang bang, and always bareback. Maybe it was some alpha kink revolving around breeding, maybe it was just Felix, Seán wasn’t sure but he certainly didn’t judge.

“So what, you’re going to go down to your office and blast one off?”

Felix’s nose wrinkled a little. “Holy fuck, don’t put it that way. And no, that wasn’t the plan, I was hoping you could just talk me through it.”

“And you disputed Irish accents as being the sexiest in the world.” Now Seán had a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“It’s not all of them, just yours. And I haven’t gotten off to porn in months anyway so no, I wasn’t going to jerk off in my office.”

Well, that was one positive he guessed, neither one of them were that interested in porn anymore. That felt like a good sign. Honestly, actually getting off to anything other than thinking about Felix just felt sort of wrong now and he’d never experienced that before.

“How many months?” Seán purred, nipping at Felix’s earlobe. He was willing to play ball if it made Felix happy.

Groaning softly, Felix’s fingers brushed over his nipple again, sending shivers down Seán’s spine and he started kissing along Felix’s throat and down his jaw. “Since I went to see you in LA.” That was interesting to Seán considering they’d only gotten into it once while Felix was there, the rest was just making out and grinding against each other. Plus, when Felix left they weren’t technically dating although they’d had some pretty suggestive texting going back and forth until Seán returned home.

“Why so long? We weren’t actually together back then.” Pulling at the bottom of the last shirt Felix had tried on, Seán subtly hinted for Felix to take it off which after a moment or two he did, letting it drop to the floor. With more skin exposed, Seán started kissing and licking down Felix’s neck and shoulder before he started sucking marks to the skin there. Felix still had a fading bite mark on the other shoulder when Seán got too enthusiastic a few nights ago. 

Sighing softly, Felix started moving them back towards the bed. “Because I was falling in love with you and no one looked as sexy to me as you did.”

Grinning, Seán raised his head again to give Felix a kiss, fingers tangling in blond locks, the other still gripping his hip. Felix kept shuffling them back towards the bed until Seán’s legs hit the side of it and then Felix was urging and gently pushing him back onto it, all while they still kissed. Slowly making his way to the center of the bed, Felix followed and climbed on top of him, pushing Seán’s shirt up to his chest. He only broke the kiss to flick his tongue over his omega’s nipples, one at a time, before grazing them with his teeth, then licking again, repeating the process until Seán was moaning and squirming, the hand in Felix’s hair now tugging lightly.

“Yer such a fucking shithead.” By now Seán was very slick and arching off the bed as Felix’s hand gripped his waist, trying to hold him still.

“Yeah, but I’m great in bed.” Seán really couldn’t deny that now could he? Nostrils flaring, Felix took in Seán’s scent and let out a contented sigh at having his omega beneath him and obviously very turned on and slick. “Alright, clothes off and turn over.” He backed up and began pulling down Seán’s sweats and underwear while Seán pulled his shirt the rest of the way off. Felix still had his pants on but Seán was sure they’d come off soon enough. 

Turning over as Felix had directed, Seán laid down on his stomach, fully hard, dick pressed between himself and the mattress with his legs spread.

“No, ass up.” Felix clarified, pulling on Sean’s hips until he got his knees under him and braced himself on his forearms. He still tended to feel exposed in this position despite them doing it fairly regularly. The fact Felix was still half-dressed just amplified the feeling but he took a deep breath and let it out again, trying to relax. “Fucking hell, you look gorgeous like this, you have no idea.” Now Felix’s hands smoothed over his ass, up the small of his back then down again. “And you smell so fucking amazing.” Felix continued groping his ass a little before seeming to get impatient, spreading Seán’s cheeks a little he went in for a taste, licking over his opening gently, lapping up his slick and moaning as he did. Seán felt a shiver run up his spine and he instantly forgot any insecurities he felt. “So goddamn sweet, you always taste amazing, baby.”

When they first got together, Seán wasn’t sure if Felix would feel weird performing oral sex on a guy since he’d only been with women before. Fairly quickly he proved Seán wrong, he was the one to volunteer eating Seán out and it seemed like it was one of his preferred forms of foreplay. Then his tongue was back on Seán this time moving with purpose, lapping at his hole, beard scratching over the pale skin of Seán’s ass, adding a little bite to the pleasure, it felt incredible and Seán couldn’t stop moaning, head hanging down as he just let himself enjoy it.

Soon Felix was kissing and sucking as well as licking, tongue delving into Seán’s fluttering hole which made Seán see stars. As good as it all felt, it wasn’t enough to get him off and Felix knew it. After indulging himself for quite some time, he slid two fingers inside Seán and began to curl them, searching for Seán’s spot which was a bit trickier at this angle. He kept kissing and licking around where his fingers disappeared into his omega though and after a little searching, pressed right against Seán’s prostate, making his arch and sob out a moan. Seán bit down on his forearm as Felix began fucking him with his fingers, mouth still in on the action as he assaulted Seán’s spot repeatedly, making his dick twitch and legs tremble and he really couldn’t take this for much longer. 

Using his fingers to stretch Seán open further, Felix made enough room to thrust his tongue in as well and he persistently stroked Seán’s prostate which had Seán moaning on the bed, feeling like he was about to collapse. Then Felix’s free hand reached between his legs to stroke him, coaxing his foreskin back to rub circles over the sensitive head, quickly, Seán’s balls drew up and within minutes he was coming with a high-pitched moan that bordered on a scream, Felix’s finger still stroking his prostate through all of it and getting cum all over his hand.

“Fuck,” Seán sighed, letting himself fall down onto the bed once Felix moved his hands away. “For someone who had never been with an omega before you sure know how to treat one good.” Right then he felt almost high and absolutely boneless, for a long while all he could do was lay there. He was vaguely aware of Felix getting off the bed and going to the bathroom, probably to wash the mess off his hand. Seán was too blissed out to care to ask. When Felix came back, he was naked and probably as hard as he’d ever been and he laid down on the bed next to Seán. 

“You still look fucking gorgeous,” he said, a hand stroking over Seán’s ass like he was still fixated on it. And to be fair, half the time he was. Seán knew he wasn’t blessed with much of an ass but there was a fair bit of curve to it still and Felix seemed to be in love with it.

“Were you always an ass man or is this because I don’t have tits?”

“Definitely been more of a fan of a nice ass but I’d never turn down some nice tits either,” he shrugged. 

“Do you miss tits?” Seán was genuinely curious.

“Not really,” Felix was laying back on the bed now, idly palming himself, “Do you?”

“Sometimes, but not bad enough to look at them online.”

Nodding, Felix bit his bottom lip as he slowly began stroking himself slowly, clearly unable to hold back anymore. Turning onto his side so he was facing his alpha, Seán kissed his neck, a hand roaming over his chest before sliding down to rub circles just below his navel. “How are you feeling, Fe’?”

“Like I’m ready to lose my goddamn mind,” he breathed, eyes fluttering shut. It really was impressive every time he put Seán’s pleasure before his own like he had tonight. 

Seán’s hand slid lower until it was joining Felix’s, stroking his cock steadily and Felix moaned, hips rocking slightly. “Babe, you don’t have to…” He sounded out of it already and Seán knew he wouldn’t be able to last long, he was too worked up and too needy. Sitting up a little more, Seán leaned over his alpha and started sucking on the head of his cock. His gag reflex was still there but not as bad as it had been before. He focused on his breathing and just making Felix feel good and that seemed to lessen it some. As he sucked, Felix let out a string of curses, one hand cupping the back of Seán’s neck but not pushing him at all. Seán could already taste precum and he let his tongue flick over the sensitive head of Felix’s cock, teasing under his foreskin. Instinctively Felix’s hips snapped upwards but Seán managed not to choke and used his free hand to press down on Felix’s belly to hold him down. “Seán, God, you’re so fucking amazing, holy shit,” he babbled, eyes rolling back in his head. “I’m really close.” It was a fair warning in case Seán wanted to pull back but instead, he sucked harder, bobbing his head lightly and Felix gripped the back of his neck tighter. It only took a minute or two more before Felix went stiff, and his hips jerked again, this time coming into Seán’s mouth with a shout followed by broken moans and his hips rocking slightly. Seán gently stroked his belly and swallowed, continuing to suck Felix clean until the alpha patted the back of his neck, signifying he was over-sensitive and needed Seán to stop.

“Shit, you really didn’t have to do that. I thought you were tired.”

Shrugging, Seán wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before flopping back down onto the bed. “I am, but you earned it, fucking done for the night now though so don’t get any ideas.” He pulled back the covers and got into bed properly, curling up on his side, facing Felix, and giving him a small smile.

Felix laid there for a few more minutes, probably still coming down from his orgasm and getting under the covers as well, pulling Seán to his side and leaning in to kiss him lightly. “I love you.” Suddenly he sounded very tired as well,

Letting his eyes slide shut, Seán nodded, nuzzling into Felix’s chest, their arms wrapped around one another. “Love you too, Fe’.” He just barely got the words out before falling asleep to Felix rubbing his back.

Chapter Text

“Well it’s kind of last-minute, you know.” Seán was pacing the floor of the kitchen on the phone with his oldest sister, Susan which didn’t happen all that often. She was apparently trying to arrange for all seven members of their immediate family to spend Christmas together. The problem was he and Felix had already agreed to see the alpha’s parents in Sweden. 

“Seán, Mam and Dad aren’t exactly getting any younger. Everyone else is coming, you don’t be the only one missing, do you?”

The only one screwing it up was what she meant but was too polite to say outright. Seán and Susan weren’t exactly close anymore and unfortunately, there were plenty of reasons for it, the age gap alone meant she’d barely been around as Seán got older. Add to that she was still Catholic and hadn’t always been the most understanding or supportive of his siblings, only Simon could be worse, and it became clear why they butted heads. 

“I don’t want to miss it, truly, but we were already invited to Sweden to see Felix’s family.”

The entire conversation, Felix had been sitting on the sofa with Edgar, pretending to watch anime but Seán knew he was listening in even though he was allowing Seán the illusion of privacy.

“Ye’ve barely been together a few months, he can go to Christmas with his family and you can come here.”

“It’s our first Christmas together, we’re not spending it apart.”

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“If I can change our plans, he’s coming with me.”

“For Chrissake, Seán!”

“No one’s telling you to leave your husband at home.”

“Because we’re married! I’m not just shacking up with someone I turned gay for.”

“Neither am I! Either we both come or count me out. You don’t have to like how I live my life or who I’m with but I’m still your brother so at least try to show me the slightest bit of respect for once. If we’re doing it for Mam and Dad, let’s make it about them and not the petty bullshit between any of us.” It was so frustrating, him coming out to his family had only forced a bigger wedge between him and various relatives. He thought things had gotten ugly once he started making a lot of money off his channel but adding Felix into the equation had been a lot. His reputation online, his own wealth, the fact he was a man. it all just made everything more contentious with some of his family. He was most worried about Simon intentionally bringing up things to make Felix uncomfortable or just the Catholic traditions, in general, turning him off. But if they thought they could drag Seán and Felix to Christmas Eve mass, they were sorely mistaken.

There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the line and a pause before his sister responded.

“Fine, but try to be subtle.” 

Seán just rolled his eyes at that. “I’ll talk to Felix and see what we can do, I’ll text you when we’ve got it sorted. Later, Susie.” He didn’t wait for a response before hanging up. Giving a heavy sigh, Seán tried to mentally shake off the negative energy he’d been feeling. Looking over at Felix, he smiled slightly. 

“You can stop pretending you didn’t hear anything.”

Felix let out a sigh like he’d been holding something back the whole time. “I really hate the way she fucking talks to you.” 

“You didn’t hear her talking to me.”

“Yeah, but you don’t get that defensive for no reason.” It was true, Seán immediately went on the defensive when talking to certain relatives, it was just a trained reaction at this point. It would take a lot of willpower not to act on that instinct if they did wind up going to Ireland for Christmas.

“I mean, do ye’ even want to go, you’d probably be much happier in Sweden?” Seán said with a sad smile. 

Felix just patted the spot next to him on the sofa and Seán moved to sit there, finally feeling like he could at least somewhat relax. He leaned up against his alpha who wrapped an arm around his waist and kissed his cheek. “I want you to do what you feel is best. You need to decide what will make you the happiest. We can always catch a flight after Christmas to see my parents for Boxing Day. It’s not as big a deal for us because there’s no religion behind it. We can spend it with my parents next year. As long as they get to see us before we go out to Japan in January, they’ll be happy, babe, honest.”

Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Seán took all that into consideration. “Susan was partly right, it’s been twenty-ish years since everyone was under one roof for Christmas. Dad’s not been in a good way for a while now, this really might be our last chance at a family Christmas, I don’t want to be the one to fuck that up, and not just because she said that but because I know how much it’ll mean to my parents. I think I should do it,” he sighed, curling against Felix more. 

“And that’s okay, I’ll be there for you, whether they like it or not. I’ll call my mom later tonight, my family will understand, I promise,” he kissed Seán’s temple now, clearly trying to offer him comfort. 

“I know you’ll behave yourself but I’m telling you now, it’ll be difficult to stay neutral in that house, it’s a bunch of loud, opinionated Irish people and their kids and spouses, it’ll be insane.” Seán was used to it but Felix might be in for a bit of a shock. He didn’t come from such a big family and he and his sister almost always got along now. Seán wished he and all his siblings could be that good with one another all the time. Plus Felix was very reserved and sometimes nervous when meeting new people and he’d be thrown into a pack of McLoughlins headfirst.

“I’ve learned to handle you a long time ago.” He sounded fairly confident and while Seán didn’t want to freak him out, he did want to prepare him. 

“Just keep in mind, I’m one of the good ones, maybe one of the loudest but also probably one of the easier ones to get along with.”

Felix made a slight face at that but just pulled Seán in closer, “If it’s important to you I’ll do it.”

“We should probably book flights now, if we come in on Christmas Eve and leave late the next day we’ll only have to spend one night there, I don’t think we’ll be able to handle more. Then off to your parents and we can stay a few days there if they’re okay with that, I’d honestly rather spend more time getting to know your family than have you getting to know mine.” It sounded like a good plan, the less madness Felix was exposed to, the better.

“They’re not going to scare me off you know, if they’re my potential in-laws I want to at least give them a chance, babe.”

Felix still sounded optimistic and it calmed Seán down in a way, knowing Felix really was in this with him through thick and thin. Besides, after it was all said and done, they were going to Felix’s place in Japan. He was itching to sell that too but first, they needed to focus on getting a bigger place in Brighton. They were scheduled to meet with an estate agent as soon as they got back from Japan, they’d have a little more time as they tapered their uploads a bit with the lull in advertising the beginning of the year brought.

“Well we get through Christmas and we have plenty to look forward to,” he smiled. There was an additional trick up his sleeve, Marzia had tipped him off to a pug rescue with a pregnant female that only a week or so ago had a litter. They’d both jumped to fill out an adoption form, Marzia for a male pup and Seán for a female. It only took them a few days to be approved and as soon as the pups were twelve weeks old, they’d get to bring them home. They were both ecstatic and Seán knew Felix would love it. They still planned on having pug playdates for the dogs to be able to see one another but he knew Felix still missed Maya and he hoped this would help partially fill the void she left. Plus Seán would have his own puppy for the first time. Their dogs growing up had always been family pets but Seán was determined to baby the hell out of this little girl.

“It shouldn’t feel like you have to ‘get through Christmas’, I know a lot’s been going on but we’re going to be together, we’re going to enjoy ourselves and that’s that.” There was that stubborn streak Seán had grown to know and love. It was one of the things he loved about Felix, how he was unabashedly himself no matter what. And with age, he just stuck to his guns more, although with an added sensitivity. He never aimed to hurt anyone but he didn’t apologize when people didn’t like something about him that was just true to who he was. 2017 had been a rough year for both of them but they came out tougher and smarter and the past year had been amazing, definitely Seán’s best, even before factoring Felix into the equation. 

“Okay, Christmas, fuck it, it’ll be grand!” Seán was chuckling now with a smile on his face and looking up at Felix, he felt centered again and back to his positive mentality just like that.

“How many times am I going to hear weird Irish shit like that over Christmas?” Felix was smirking, he loved teasing Seán about Irish things that seemed strange to him.

“A lot. If you think my accent’s thick still wait til’ you get a load of the rest of the population of good ol’ County Offaly.” 

“I may need a translator, and not just because English wasn’t my first language.” Felix laughed.

“Fuck, we don’t understand each other half the time, that’s what’s amazing about it.”

That just made Felix roll his eyes. “Fucking mad lads,” he said in his best Cockney accent which honestly could use some work.

“Not even the right fucking country, babe,” Seán sighed dramatically as if he was very disappointed.

“I can’t do your accent, it’s too weird,” Felix said, wrinkling his nose.

Seán gave him a light punch to the arm for that. “It’s not weird! Yours is weird! It’s like if Sweden had a baby with America and England but fucked around with Japan on the side!”

Felix opened his mouth to protest but just started laughing, unable to deny any of it. “You can’t do my accent either, you always make me sound Eastern European.”

“Maybe so, but I can do 2016 PewDiePie like a champ!” He folded his hands and held them up to his face, squinting a little and doing his best impression of Felix’s voice from that era of his channel. “How’s it going, bros? Bro! What if I talked like this during sex? Just two bros naked together, bro.”

“Stop it, I hate it!” Felix’s volume crescendoed which meant it really did get under his skin. “Why did I ever fucking do that?”

“I started off doing a clunky American accent,” Seán shrugged, “We all go through growing pains. I’m just glad you don’t actually sound like that, it’d make it hard to love you.”

That seemed to offend Felix who kicked Seán’s leg. Sometimes they were still like overgrown children together. 

“Calm down, you do that weird, random, guttural anime voice now and I still love you.”

“Fuck you, it’s not weird!”

“Felix, half the time you do it you beat your chest like some alpha nightmare,” Seán said, giving him a look.

“Fine, I do weird shit, but you’re the one dating me so who’s the weird one there, Jack?”

“Me.” Seán sighed, sliding an arm around Felix’s waist and leaning in to kiss him lightly. “I love you and I love that you’re weird.” He kissed Felix again, lips lingering a little this time.

“I love you too, and I’m glad you put up with me.”

“Well, I bring plenty of shit to the table that you’ve learned to accept. Fair is fair,” Seán shrugged.

“I’m still glad you love me.” Felix smiled and kissed Seán a bit more slowly this time.

“Two weirdos against the world.” It was corny but Seán couldn’t help but grin.

---

Less than a month later they were on a plane to Ireland and Seán was a bundle of nerves, worry, excitement, happiness, fear, his emotions shifted with the winds on the flight over. Felix was well-aware as he’d had to help Seán pack and reassure him about ten times he wasn’t forgetting anything. And as for Felix, he seemed to be taking it all in stride, he was sitting next to Seán in the first-class seats they’d sprung for and was occupying himself by checking different things on his phone, and messaging Brad about what video to put up and when. They’d agreed to try to keep work on the backburner but a plane ride wasn’t exactly quality time so Seán didn’t call Felix out for it. 

Seán had his headphones on anyway, tucked under the hood of the sweatshirt he had on which was under the old, plain black coat he’d had for years. Felix was in his almost comically oversized black jacket and had a cap on and pulled down low. He didn’t always get recognized places but this was probably one of the worst times they could be caught together so they were cautious. A Christmas Eve flight to Seán’s home together was extra suspicious.

Flicking around on his Spotify, he accidentally tapped Childish Gambino’s link as he’d been playing “This Is America” a few days ago. He liked Donald Glover as an actor and comedian but he hadn’t explored his music that much. It was as good a time as any, he figured. One of the top listed songs was “3005” so he hit play on that. It had an interesting beat but when the intro started he was a little taken aback and looked over at Felix.

No matter what you say or what or what you do, when I’m alone I’d rather be with you, fuck these other n*****s I’ll be right by your side ‘til 3005, hold up.

The next verse proceeded and he found himself nodding along, getting into the song more, the lyrics weren’t too fast so he could keep up with them and he found them both relatable and a little heartbreaking at the same time but every time the chorus came up he looked over at Felix again.

I’m glad that it happened, between us I think there’s something special, and if I lose my mental, just hold my hand even if you don’t understand, hold up.

This time he dared to reach out and put a hand on Felix’s knee and then the chorus commenced again. This time Felix looked up, giving Seán a questioning look, clearly confused as to what was going on. Pulling down his hood, Seán put his headphones on Felix and replayed the song. Felix seemed to be vibing with it too, Seán didn’t know if he’d heard the song before or not but by the chorus he was looking over at Seán with surprise. He got it. That made Seán smile and there was the feeling of warmth spreading in his chest. Despite trying to be incognito, Felix laced their fingers together and leaned in for a quick kiss.

It was a relatable song but it was also the first one he’d heard that immediately made him think of Felix since they started dating. Just one of those new love moments that you never forgot. Right before they made things official Seán would play “Do I Wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys often, or even better the CHVRCHES cover of it. Suddenly any anxieties Seán had melted away. This was the man he loved, who he really felt like he was meant to be with and nothing else mattered. No one’s opinions were going to get him down, not when he was this happy with Felix. 

Once the song finished, Felix took off the headphones and handed them back to Seán. “I like it.”

“Me too.”

“Beats regular Christmas music.” Felix smiled.

Pulling his hood back up, Seán leaned over to kiss Felix’s cheek. “Thanks for doing this with me, babe.”

“You don’t need to keep thanking me, I’m happy to do it.”

Chapter Text

Once they landed in Ireland they probably spent more time taxiing on the ground than they did in the air but when they finally got their bags and went to exit, Allison was there to meet them as promised. She was one of the few without kids who needed minding and she actually lived in Ireland so she had a car to pick them up in. She was clearly excited and ran up to Seán, giving him a great big hug and kissing his cheek. They’d been the closest growing up, hell, they’d had bunk beds until he was about thirteen and then they had their own rooms as the older kids had moved out or gone off to college. 

“Ye’ look good, Jack, no green hair, but that beard, my God!” She was already teasing him and frankly, Seán wouldn’t have it any other way. 

“I missed you too, Al,” he smiled fondly at her. “And this is Felix,” he motioned over his shoulder at Felix who had stopped a few paces back.

“Well I’ll be damned, if I were you, I’d be gay for him too, handsome bastard isn’t he?” She chuckled. “Pleasure to meet you, Felix, I’m Jack’s sister Allison,” she said as if it hadn’t already been explained to him. Then she pulled him in for a light hug and Felix looked surprised but reciprocated and Seán was proud of him for going along with it.

“Nice to meet you too. I’ve heard a lot about you,” he smiled.

“If it’s Jack that’s telling it, it’s all lies, unless it’s good things, then that’s one hundred percent true.”

“Only good things,” Felix assured her which made her smile brightly. It was a lie though since Seán had told Felix about the time Allison was talking in her sleep after Seán had watched The Exorcist for the first time at age ten and thought she was possessed.

Looking them over, Allison shook her head at everything they’d packed. “You boys don’t travel light, do ye’?”

“Oh shut it, it’s mostly gifts, I mailed the stuff for the kids to Mam already but we have stuff for everyone else, plus Felix’s family for when we fly out tomorrow. We’re like Santa, you wouldn’t mock Santa for overpacking.”

“I just hope you remembered some clean underwear and a toothbrush in there as well,” she chuckled.

“We did, Felix helped pack my bag.” Seán was the type that always forgot at least one thing when he traveled, he’d gotten better but Felix was excellent at traveling and had double and triple checked him to be sure.

“Alright then, let’s get to the car then, boys,” she said before leading the way.

The airport was a bit of a drive from the house so they settled into conversation, nothing of importance, just talk because as Seán often told Felix the things Irish people were best at were talking and drinking. Allison was polite and would occasionally ask Felix a question or for his input so he didn’t feel completely ignored. Though that was hard since both he and Seán were in the back seat holding hands. It was cold but thankfully Allison’s car’s heating took the edge off.

“Ye’ travel a lot like Seán does then Felix?”

“Yeah, not quite as much anymore but I definitely have, I’m lucky that way, I've seen a lot of cool ass places.” He paused then, realizing he’d sworn and the look on his face had Seán in stitches.

“Are ye’ really scared of swearing in front of Irish people?” he couldn’t help but tease.

“I’m a lovely fuckin’ Catholic girl, you goddamn, heathens!” Allison joked, smiling in the rearview mirror. 

Felix shook his head. “It’s like having two of you,” he said looking at Seán.

“Your ultimate fantasy!” Seán said probably a little too loudly.

“Jack, don’t be an idiot, two of you is anyone’s worst nightmare.” Allison chimed in.

“Oh fuck ye’ both, I’m a fuckin’ delight and you know it!”

They both laughed a little too hard at that for Seán’s liking so he elbowed Felix in the ribs which couldn’t hurt at all given the layers they were both wearing. Chuckling still, Felix kissed him quickly. Glancing up, Seán caught Allison’s gaze in the reflection of the rearview mirror and she smiled before turning her eyes back to the road. At least some of his family was in his corner, regardless of whether or not who he brought home had a penis.

They all talked the rest of the drive, Seán was quickly recognizing the roads they were taking and knew they were getting close and he gave Felix’s hand a light squeeze. That nervous energy was back but after the warm welcome from Allison, he was feeling more confident than before. 

“Almost there, Fe’,” he said softly to which Felix gave a nod and kissed his cheek one last time for good measure.

Once they pulled up, Seán could see the house was decorated, lights up and every light in the house seemed to be on as well. 

“Alright boys, looks like everyone’s here already,” Allison said, and they all got out of the car. Felix and Seán grabbed their bags and followed Allison inside. Going inside it was warm and bright, everything was decorated indoors as well and Seán couldn’t help but smile. The kids were running around and having a grand old time while most of the conversation seemed to be coming from the kitchen. 

“Is that my Jack?” Seán grinned as he heard his mom’s voice and rounded the corner to see everyone gathered together. Walking over to her he gave her a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, neither of them seeming to want to let go at first.

“Always been the Mammy’s boy, haven’t ye’ Seán?” That was Malcolm. Still grinning, Seán turned to give him a hug as well before going through Susan and Simon and ending with his dad. His father’s health was too poor for him to stand unassisted so Seán leaned down to give him a hug. “Good to see you, Da’.”

Looking back over his shoulder he saw Felix hanging back a bit, just taking everything in and trying his best not to seem overwhelmed although Seán could tell he was as everyone was talking back and forth to each other. “And um, this is Felix, my boyfriend.” Seán reached back, taking Felix’s hand and pulling him forward.

Everyone seemed to pause as they took him in then Malcolm let out a low whistle. “Well done, Jack, I’d switch teams for ‘im.” 

“That’s what I said!” Allison said excitedly and everyone seemed to share a laugh.

Seán pointed each family member out to Felix, “The one with the Viking beard is Malcolm, bald one’s Simon, Susan over there and Allison you met, then my mom and dad.” He named off his siblings’ spouses as well before his mother was up on her feet again and he was surprised when she pulled Felix in for a hug. “Well it’s good to meet you, dear, I’ll be honest I wasn’t sure what to expect but my God, you’re gorgeous aren’t ye’?”

Felix ducked his head and murmured a soft “Nice to meet you too,” clearly blushing because apparently everyone in Seán’s family found Felix attractive. He did look good though, he’d kept his beard trimmed up and his hair was back to its natural color, they’d been working out together too so his shoulders looked broader and his cheekbones really popped out. Seán couldn’t help but look at him fondly which his mom didn’t seem to miss. 

“Oh no, ye’ve got that look.” She chuckled and Seán had to drag his gaze away from Felix who seemed to be feeling a bit bold and grabbed for his hand again. Turning back to Felix she gave him a pointed look. “You treat my boy right and we’ll get along just fine, clear?”

“Yes ma’am,” Felix answered automatically.

“He’s very good to me, Ma, don’t get on his case already.”

“I’m just being a good mother, Jack, I’ve done it with everyone you’ve ever brought home, it’s not about to change now.” She turned her attention back to Felix again. “I’ll tell you what I told all the boys my kids brought home, you hurt them and I’ll break your fuckin’ legs.”

Felix’s eyes went wide before he burst into a fit of giggles and everyone else started laughing too.

“Mam, behave yourself, he brought gifts!” Seán realized keeping his family under control would be a losing battle but at least Felix didn’t look like he wanted to bolt, in fact, he looked more relaxed than Seán had expected he'd be. “Go get the stuff before my mom starts planning your murder.” Seán chuckled and gave Felix a kiss on the cheek. Felix went into the next room where they’d left their bags when they came in, only a minute or two later he came back with his arms nearly full. 

“Since it’s my first time in Ireland I brought some things to make everything a little more festive.” He had boxes of liquor in his arms and set each one out on the table. “Jack helped me make a few decisions but we’ve got a vintage whiskey from Dublin, a Japanese whiskey I really like sharing with people, and wine from Skåne, which is where a lot of vineyards are in Sweden. I think the red is a 2008 and the white is a 2010. Jack talked me out of buying Swedish vodka too."

“Well, shit!” Simon chuckled, looking suitably impressed, “Well let’s get this started properly then.”

“Ma, what do you want to try?” Seán asked as Susan went about getting out glasses. 

“A bit of the red wine sounds fine to me.” She said, sitting down again and looking genuinely happy. That look alone made the trip worth it.

Half of the men went for the Irish whiskey after Felix explained it was about forty-five years old, but Seán and Malcolm joined Felix in a glass of Japanese whiskey, Susan and her husband went for the white wine and everyone else had some red.

“Well, at least we know you’re not pregnant on top of everything else,” Simon commented as he passed by Seán who was sitting between Allison and Felix at the table. Seán glared but managed to hold his tongue and Felix took a drink as he’d clearly heard and was fighting back the urge to say something as well. 

“Ignore ‘im, he’s just being a prick,” Malcolm said from across the table after Simon had moved into the living room. Being the baby of the family Seán was used to getting picked on but Simon was usually the one to take things entirely too far. His mother had always said it was jealousy, Simon was dead in the middle of five children, he wasn’t the oldest like Malcolm, he wasn’t one of the girls, he wasn’t the baby like Seán. Then as they got older Simon was the one who settled down and stayed in Ireland while Malcolm and Seán got out, he’d been the biggest skeptic about Seán doing YouTube for a living only for Seán to become legitimately successful at it. If he thought it through, there probably was some jealousy at foot, being upstaged by your younger brother in such a weird way. Still, it was hard for Seán not to take it personally.

As the evening drew on, things were more comfortable, most everyone had become rather friendly with Felix which Seán was incredibly pleased with. Sure it was a lot of small talk at first but his family made an effort to get to know him and Felix did the same. Only about half of them stayed up a little later, Allison and her husband, Malcolm, Simon, Seán, and Felix. They’d all just topped off their drinks and swore once they were finished they’d go to bed but in the meantime, they just talked. 

“I gotta ask, Jack,” Allison said, sounding a little bit buzzed, “what made you want to switch teams? I mean you’re obviously just lovely.” She said to Felix who just smiled. “But I just never saw that coming from you.”

“Didn’t really switch is the thing, I still like women I just like Felix too.” He was being patient because she was being sincere in her attempt to understand better.

“I don’t think anyone’s one hundred percent one way or another.” Malcolm chimed in. “There are seven billion people on the planet, I would think it’s impossible there’s not one person of the same sex everyone could be attracted to.”

Simon made a face at that, “He’s an omega, he met an alpha, living in gay old Brighton, it was only a matter of time.”

“Don’t be an ass.” Allison piped up in their defense.

Narrowing his eyes a little, Felix took a breath, clearly not willing to let Simon bait him. “I’d only been with women and I’ll be honest when Jack and I first met there wasn’t any spark. We became friends immediately but we were both seeing other people. It took a while to develop, though I think everyone else realized it before we did.” 

“So you’ve known each other a while now?” Simon asked, seeming to be a bit surprised by that.

“Felix gave my channel a shout out along with a bunch of others about five years ago, that really helped me get some traction, we did a video together the next year but we met face-to-face at a convention in 2015.”

“And we started entertaining the idea of being together this past July, and started officially dating in October,” Felix said with a nod.

“Oh wow,” Allison was smiling at them like she thought they were the cutest thing in the world. “It’s funny how things work out like that.” She reached for her own husband’s hand then gave him a kiss.

Feeling affectionate as well, Seán leaned over to press a quick kiss to Felix’s cheek.

Simon still looked surprised, like he hadn’t expected there to be any story behind Seán and Felix getting together apart from them hopping into bed together. “So you really did think it through.”

Remaining patient, Seán nodded, “For months.” It seemed like not many in his family had considered the fact he actually questioned and explored his decision to be with Felix. That it didn’t just spontaneously happen. “I didn’t wake up one morning and decided I liked dick, we were both unsure at first but then we figured it out.” He couldn’t help but add a little jab in there no matter how petty it was.

“Well if that’s the case, good, you two actually seem happy together. Happy fer ye’.” Simon nodded and Seán was shocked by that but Felix just wrapped an arm around him and took a sip of his whiskey. Seán knew that probably wasn’t easy for Simon to wrap his head around or accept but he was trying and that meant a lot.

“I… thank you.” It was such a pleasant surprise to hear that and he was grinning because at the end of the day all Seán wanted was love and approval from the people he cared about most.

Everyone seemed to realize it was a special moment and there was a short silence before Malcolm got up and stretched. “It’s getting late, should probably turn in.”

Allison nodded, “I think that goes for everyone.”

They all finished off their drinks and put the glasses in the dishwasher one by one before turning into their rooms for the evening murmuring quiet “good night”s to each other. 

When Seán and Felix got to the room they were staying in, Seán shut the door and immediately pushed Felix up against it. His alpha looked surprised but let Seán kiss him long and slow, tongue winding into his mouth for a few minutes before pulling back. They couldn’t get up to their usual shenanigans, not here.

“What was that for?” Felix asked, leaning in now to scent Seán.

“For being amazing. For being here. For being you.” he sighed softly. 

“I think someone had a bit too much to drink.”

“Maybe a bit, yeah, but you were still perfect, I love you,” Seán said, feeling exhausted but elated at the same time.

“Come one, let’s get you to bed, babe, tomorrow it’ll be Christmas and you can be as sappy as you want then.” Felix teased. “And I love you too, now let’s find you something to change into, and then we’ll get some sleep.”

Seán swayed a bit as he went to the bed and flopped down onto it, he heard Felix chuckle and begin rummaging through their bags.

This trip had definitely been worth it.

Chapter Text

The next morning Seán woke up with Felix spooned behind him. He seemed to wake up before his alpha which was surprising considering Felix was usually the early bird and Seán had gotten a little drunk last night. He was in the sweats and t-shirt Felix had to basically put him in the night before because he had been both inebriated and exhausted. Maybe the exhaustion was catching up with Felix now, it wasn’t a long flight to Ireland but packing and traveling always made him tired.

Turning over slowly, he wrapped his arms around Felix and kissed along his jaw. In response, Felix stretched before pulling Seán in tighter and scenting his neck, all with his eyes still shut.

“Happy Christmas, Fe’.” Seán couldn’t help but grin, waking up to Felix on Christmas was a gift itself.

“Happy Christmas,” Felix mumbled against his skin, still not seeming to want to wake up. 

While Seán didn’t want to miss too much of Christmas morning he could appreciate the fact Felix might need a while to wake up. Wiggling a little to press himself fully up against Felix, the alpha let out a pleased rumble and kissed Seán’s neck.

“Not exactly a morning person when you travel, huh?” Felix blinked his eyes open but then shook his head.

“Edgar’s not begging to eat or go out for a piss, this is my vacation from being a dog dad.”

It was true, Edgar slept right up against Felix whenever he could and was only interested in harassing the Swede in the mornings. Seán was blessedly left out of the equation and was only woken by it about half the time but easily rolled over and went back to sleep. Usually, Felix wound up coming back to bed and they got up properly together. “Fair point, but it’s…” Seán raised his arm to check his watch, “after 8, if we stay in bed too much longer everyone will think we’re having sex.” While Seán’s family was being very tolerant, he also didn’t want to push things. 

Groaning, Felix just buried his face further into Seán’s neck, scenting him again and clinging to him like he never wanted to let go. “Love you, Jack.”

“I love you too, ye’ idiot but you really need to try and get goin’ here, babe.”

More grumbling but Felix finally let go slowly and rolled onto his back. “I need a shower.”

Without hesitating, Seán leaned in to sniff him, it wasn’t the worst but it wasn’t the best and they were flying out to meet Felix’s parents today. They probably wouldn’t care if he was a little ripe but he knew Felix probably would. “All the more reason to get up. I’ll go first so you can lay here and groan a while longer but then you’re really going to have to get up.” 

Felix closed his eyes again and gave him a thumbs up and it was one of those moments that made Seán wonder what the fuck their relationship even was about but he just chuckled and climbed out of bed, gathering toiletries from his bag and heading out into the hall, shutting the door behind him.

Thankfully the bathroom was empty and there was still hot water considering all the people in the house but not everyone had showered first thing after waking up. He could both hear and smell his mother and sisters working on breakfast and he ached for a cup of coffee but he had to make sure Felix was actually awake and on his way to get showered first. When he re-entered the room, Felix was half-propped up in bed on his phone, hair sticking up at wild angles and still looking only half-awake.

“Just texting my parents,” he said, finishing typing out a message before letting the phone drop onto the bed. “How was your shower?”

“Not as good as at home but I feel better, itching for some fucking coffee though.” Going through his bag he started pulling out the clothes he wanted to wear that day. Most of Seán’s clothing was relatively neutral so he didn’t really pack outfits as much as just counting the number of days and throwing things he liked into a bag, adding an additional item or two to account for warm or cold. Felix tended to plan out every outfit, even if it was all black, and had plans about what day he would wear each one.

Letting the towel drop he got dressed and only once he turned around to put his shirt on did he notice Felix staring. “You’re a hopeless pervert, ye’ know that?” Felix grinned and shrugged but finally got out of bed so that was something. He was shirtless in just a pair of pajama pants and he made his way over to Seán, kissing his cheek and then playfully smacked his ass.

“I like those pants on you.”

“You’ve mentioned, which is funny because every time I wear them you try to get me out of them,” Seán said, giving Felix a firm look. “But not today, bro.”

“We’re flying out today, I’ll just pull them off you in Sweden.” Felix was smirking the way he did when Seán knew he had less than pure thoughts in his head.

“Felix, we’re staying with your parents, take it easy!”

“Pfft, they won’t care, just don’t scream the house down and we’ll be good.” It was interesting how Felix didn’t like talking about sex with his parents but didn’t seem to care if they knew he was having sex in their house. Seán sort of wondered if that had always been the policy, after all, Felix didn’t get in trouble for stealing porn and hiding it in the woods as a kid.

“We’ll see.” Seán left it at that and leaned in to kiss Felix on the lips, giving his chest a light pat. “Shower. I’ll be downstairs mainlining coffee, so try not to be long. You should actually be there when people open our gifts.”

Nodding Felix ran a hand through his hair and went to his suitcase in search of what he needed to get ready.

“Love you,” Seán said over his shoulder as he opened the door.

“I love your ass!” Felix said a little too loudly for Seán’s liking and he quickly exited and shut the door behind him and headed downstairs. He could smell the full Irish breakfast before he even entered the kitchen. He knew the women of the family had probably been up for hours getting it all together. 

Going into the kitchen, people were at the table and milling about the kitchen but Seán’s main focus was getting caffeine in him and he beelined to the coffee pot. 

“Happy Christmas to you too.” His mother said from behind him, whacking him lightly with a spatula.

“Give it up already, you know the boy is useless until he’s got coffee in his hands.” His dad piped up which made Seán smile as he poured his coffee, his father’s memory wasn’t great anymore so any little things he did recall made Seán happy. 

Taking a sip of coffee, Seán let out an appreciative sigh and was finally able to focus on something other than his caffeine addiction. “Happy Christmas, everyone!” Basically, everyone who didn’t have a mouthful of food at the time echoed the sentiment. 

“M’surprised you’re actually showered and dressed already, still late to breakfast as always but actually put together for once.” Allison joked and the rest of the family chuckled about that.

“Well our flight’s at 4 so we need to be ready. I’m actually less of a night owl since I’ve been living with Felix, he actually keeps normal hours.”

“Where is the Viking lord this morning?” Malcolm asked between bites of food.

“Slept in, bit a jet lag and the dog isn’t around to wake him up but he’s in the shower now.”

“Didn’t know you had a dog.” His mother looked a little surprised at that.

“Felix’s dog, had him before we ever met, let alone started dating, a pug named Edgar.”

“See now, if you woulda asked me, I’d say he seemed more like a cat person,” Susan said, joining the conversation as she worked over the stove.

“Nope, definitely a dog guy, treats the dog like it’s his actual child, he might love Edgar more than me, I wouldn’t ever dare ask,” he chuckled. 

Looking around at the spread on the table, Seán could confirm it was a full Irish breakfast, enough to feed probably twice the number of assembled family members which was already a lot. Bacon, sausage, eggs, beans, soda bread, black pudding, and of course potatoes, today in the form of hash browns which his mother seemed to be overseeing which he was tremendously grateful for because in his opinion she made the best hash browns in the world.

“I should have asked, but will Felix eat this sort of thing?” His mom asked, looking over her shoulder at Seán who was still clinging to his coffee cup and taking steady sips.

“Definitely, well everything but the pork and beef, he’s a pescetarian.”

“A fucking what now?” Of course, Simon would have to make a comment about that.

“The only meat he eats is fish, I basically am too unless we go out to eat or order takeaway, it’s just easier than making two meals.” Seán shrugged it off. “His motto is he doesn’t eat anything he’s not willing to kill.”

“Odd way to see things but commendable I suppose,” Malcolm said and at least the women seemed to agree.

“Is that why you’re so skinny?” His mother asked, brows raising.

Seán just sighed and shook his head. “I used to be way skinnier, I just started working out because I stopped being so skinny and started getting love handles.”

His mom clucked her tongue at that and went back to cooking. What is it with moms worrying you somehow didn’t eat unless they were the ones feeding you?

It was just then that Felix came downstairs and came into the kitchen. He still looked a little tired but Seán knew how to fix that. “Coffee, Fe’?”

Felix nodded before looking around at everyone, “Happy Christmas, everybody.” Again the sentiment was echoed by everyone in the room.

“You sleep alright, dear?” His mom asked.

Felix gave her a smile and a nod, “Probably a little too good, didn’t have to get up for anything other than breakfast, it’s a damn vacation if you ask me.”

“That’s right, Seán says you have a dog.”

“Who wakes me up as early as 5 somedays to eat or be let outside, I can usually go back to sleep after but it’s still a pain in the ass sometimes.”

Seán went to the cabinet to get Felix a mug and fixed him a cup of coffee before handing it to him. Felix gave a smile and leaned in to kiss Seán’s cheek. It seemed like his family was beginning to accept Felix more as the kiss didn’t seem to phase anyone. No stares, no cringing, it was like it wasn’t a big deal. It didn’t go without a joke from Malcolm though. “Shit, do you two need to be fuckin’ cute this early in the day?”

Ducking his head, Seán’s cheeks burned a little red because ultimately it was a compliment. And joking in his household was absolutely a sign of affection. 

“Honeymoon phase, give it a few more months and you’ll be annoyed with how the other one chews and things like that.” Allison grinned as she started plating some food. “Take a seat, ye’ need to eat before we get around to the presents.”

They both readily obeyed, Sean made two more trips to the coffee pot by the time they were finished eating. Felix asked for another too which wasn’t his usual m.o. but Seán knew he was definitely tired and they’d probably eaten a full day’s worth of calories from breakfast alone. He definitely knew they’d both be hitting the gym with the crowds of New Year’s resolution-ers when they got home. It did suck how crowded it got this time of year but in a month or two it’d be back down to the regulars.

From breakfast, everyone moved into the living room where there was plenty of seating but still not quite enough for everyone so Seán and Felix sat on the floor and sipped their coffee. They were both more excited to see people open their gifts than receive them. They started with the kids obviously, Seán loved bringing them gifts just because there was such honest and pure joy on their faces. Simon and Susan complained he overdid it every time but he didn’t get to see them much and he loved them and liked to see them get excited, even if it was something small.

As the years went on and there were so many of them, they all decided to keep it to one or two gifts to each person and a 75-pound price limit per person which Seán had gotten in trouble in the past for ignoring. Felix had brought a gift for everyone too and he definitely strayed above the price cap. Part of it was generosity, part of it was wanting to make a good impression. He might be cheap about silly things that were his own but with friends and family, he always spoiled everyone, including Seán even before they were dating.

His whole family seemed surprised that Felix had brought his own gifts at all but Felix seemed just as shocked that the family had gotten him gifts as well. Seán hadn’t expected it either, he figured his parents might get Felix something since his mom had asked what he liked so Felix ended up with a hoodie, a beanie, and a bunch of books that Seán knew were on his list of things to read, including some manga. Felix had been thrilled and truly grateful, thanking everyone repeatedly. By now Seán could tell the difference between Felix being polite and being honestly happy and Felix was definitely happy.

By the time the mess of opening presents was cleared up, Seán knew they, unfortunately, had to start packing for their next flight in a few hours. They were giving themselves ample time because of the holiday traffic, knowing full well the airport would probably be low-level chaos. Seán had to practically drag Felix away from a conversation with Malcolm which he hated to do because it was so endearing. They really seemed to have hit it off and Seán couldn’t be more pleased about it. Still, they couldn’t miss their flight so they gathered up their gifts and went to the room they were staying in to re-pack.

“You know, we have a little time to kill before we get a ride to the airport.”Felix began as he zipped up his suitcase. This time they’d ordered a cab to the airport so no one had to give up family time by shuttling them around.

“Don’t ye’ even start.” Seán was still bent over his own suitcase that was on the floor and knew exactly where Felix was going with this. “Stop looking at my ass, Felix.”

“You can’t see me from there, you don’t know what I’m looking at.”

“I don’t need to, I know you. You’re staring at my ass and probably wondering if we could squeeze in a quickie before our flight.” It wasn’t really Felix’s fault Seán was mildly annoyed, he was just having to fold and rearrange things to get his suitcase to close.

There was a long pause from Felix before he let out a sigh. “Okay, fine, I’m thinking about wearing your thighs like earmuffs but it’s not my fault you wore those pants. They make your ass look too good. At least let me finger you a little.”

“Felix!” Seán snapped but finally managed to zipper his suitcase. “Five minutes of making out, tops.” He couldn’t deny he wasn’t interested but he also didn’t want to get caught or be suspected, not when things had been going so well.

“Ten minutes.”

“Are you really trying to negotiate right now?” While he sounded surprised he really shouldn’t have been, Felix could be incorrigible and it wouldn’t be the first time he got Seán worked up in an inappropriate place.

“You’re a grown man, you don’t have to hide the fact you have sex.”

“That is the least Catholic thing you’ve ever said.”

Felix rolled his eyes “You’re not even Catholic anymore.”

“Yes, but every single person in this house apart from us and Malcolm are.”

“We live together, do you really think they don’t know we fuck?” Felix wasn’t letting this drop and Seán wasn’t sure if it was because he was horny or trying to prove a point.

“It’s a don’t ask, don’t tell policy. Just be patient, I’ll suck your dick in a snowbank in Sweden or whatever the fuck you want but not here.”

“Jack, you really need to learn to let the guilt go.”

Seán sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Don’t try and frame this as a learning experience when you’re just trying to get your rocks off.”

“It’s not entirely about getting off, which I would very much like to do, it’s about letting go of that guilt and shame that’s been stuffed into your head your whole life.” Felix’s brows rose a little, in the way they always did when he thought he made an astute observation. He wasn’t entirely wrong but he wasn’t unbiased either.

“It’s hard, babe, it’s really hard. It’s easier in England, especially in Brighton but coming back here, it fucks with my head about this stuff.” Seán admitted quietly.

Getting off the bed, Felix stood and went to him, wrapping his arms around Seán and just holding him close. “You’re not starting to question things now, are you?” It was spoken so quietly but was such a loaded question, though Seán didn’t need time to think it over.

“No, I love ye’ Fe’.” He buried his face in Felix’s neck to scent him, it was comforting and just confirmed that yes, this was the man for him, the only one for him. 

Felix just rubbed a hand over his back and held him, seeming a bit relieved but still tense. “I feel like there’s a ‘but’ in there somewhere.”

Sighing, Seán had to admit Felix had a point. “Just not here, not today. Next time we come here we’ll stay somewhere on our own but this is the first time I’ve been back properly in a long time.” He’d had a few shows in Ireland when he did his tour but he hadn’t made a family visit in a longer time than he cared to admit. Plus it was Christmas and his entire damn family under one roof together in probably close to a decade. “It’s just new, we’re new, being with a guy is new, being out is new. The timing, being back here, it’s throwin’ me for a loop, just, I need you to be patient with me, okay?”

The entire time Felix stayed silent and still apart from continuing to rub Seán’s back. He was trying to explain himself without hurting Felix but it was hard. “I get it, I mean I don’t but I get why you feel that way,” he said softly. “Positive you still love me?”

That was the first time he’d heard Felix sound so insecure about Seán reciprocating his feelings. If anyone tended to be a little aloof, it was Felix but now he sounded so worried.

Reaching up, Seán cupped Felix’s jaw and kissed him deep and slow for a minute or two before finally breaking the kiss before things got too intense. “I love you, Felix. Never been more certain of that than I am now. You’ve been amazing through all of this. You’ve put up with my shit the entire time and I’m so grateful. Next time will be easier, I promise you.”

Nodding, Felix managed to crack a smile and kissed Seán again lightly. “I trust you… and I do love you.”

“I know ye’ do, babe.” Seán smiled, giving Felix another quick peck on the lips. He appreciated the understanding and patience. He understood where Felix was coming from but Seán didn’t have the time or energy to process it all in the next hour before they left so it would just have to wait.

--

After saying goodbye to everyone for probably a little too long, they finally got into the car that was taking them to the airport. It was cold and raining and Felix was sporadically texting his family as they went from the car through the airport, and to the plane.

This flight was a little longer but they settled in pretty much the same way they had before. Playing it cool and trying not to look too couple-y. They chatted a little more this time, Seán wasn’t as nervous to meet Felix’s family as he had been for his own to meet Felix. Yes, he wanted to make a good impression but he felt like Felix’s family was more open to their relationship and had at least some idea of who he was and what he was like already.

By the time they got to Sweden, the rain had turned into snow and it was much colder than Seán had initially expected despite Felix’s warning it would be freezing. They had a car coming to pick them up and Seán expressed his slight concern about a ride in the snow from a random person, paid or otherwise.

“Babe, if they live in Sweden they know how to drive in five centimeters of snow, it’s not a big deal.” Felix seemed almost offended by Seán’s implication Swedish drivers might just go skidding across ice willy nilly. “It’s not England, we’ve got our shit sorted out.”

Seán just leaned into Felix’s side, the best he could do in public to make contact. Glancing over, Felix sighed and gave him a small smile, dropping his annoyed expression. This would be a moment where they'd probably kiss if they had the privacy. Just then the correct car pulled up and they made quick work of putting their bags in the back and getting inside and out of the cold. There were brief moments of what seemed like polite banter between Felix and the driver in Swedish, a woman who looked to be around Sean’s sister’s age. Seán was left out of the loop but he didn’t mind at all, he was oddly fascinated looking out and seeing pure white all over the ground. Growing up in Ireland they saw little snow and there was even less in Brighton, he was always interested in the sight of a snowy world whenever he traveled. Everything looked gentle and peaceful in spite of the sound of traffic around them.

Eventually, Felix leaned in to whisper in his ear, “She keeps telling me I look familiar, it’s weirding me out.” That made Seán go a bit stiff. He knew from Felix’s description that Swedish fans tended to not make a big deal about seeing him or meeting him, which is how he liked it, but he still got recognized regularly. Seán just hoped she didn’t know who he was because the last thing they needed was to get the rumor mill going after this trip. Fans had been speculating about both of them now, if they were seeing someone and who it might be. Seán had been “single” for eight months now and he’d seen plenty of people making guesses about his personal life but chose to ignore every single one of them. He just hoped this car ride wouldn’t accidentally out them.

They were both tense the rest of the drive but thankfully it didn’t take them that long to get them to Felix’s parents’ home. They quickly got their things and made their way up to the house with Felix and the driver only exchanging a few final words before she pulled off.

“That was rough,” Seán said, watching the car disappear around the curve of the road, leaving tracks in the snow.

“I know, I don’t think she placed who I was though but shit.”

Going up to the door, Felix knocked out of courtesy before entering. He called out as they wiped their feet on the mat before kicking off their shoes at the door and hanging up their coats.  The house was bigger than Seán expected, tastefully decorated from what he could see, and had a lot of wood accents. It was either a newer home or they’d completely renovated it at some point.

Felix’s mom, who Seán recognized from pictures and videos came popping around the corner speaking to Felix in Swedish before pulling him in for a hug. Then she peeked over his shoulder at Seán and smiled.

“Det här är Jack... eller Seán.” He said, motioning to Seán with a wide smile, he looked so happy and so proud to have Seán with him and it gave Seán butterflies.

“Nice to meet you, call me Johanna.” He took note of how she pronounced her name ‘Yo-han-uh’ not ‘Joe-anna’. She was smiling brightly and then pulled Seán in for a quick hug before pretending to whisper in his ear but making sure she was loud enough for Felix to hear. “Thank you for finally making my son gay.”

Seán immediately began chuckling, he knew Felix’s mom had always suspected and not-so-secretly wished he’d been gay but without her outright admitting it to him struck him as hilarious. “It was a tough sell but I got him to see the light,” he joked.

“Mamma!” Felix burst out followed by a string of Swedish as his cheeks burned pink which only made his mom laugh harder.

“He thinks I’m going to embarrass him,” she giggled.

“And you’re not helping,” he pointed at Seán who was grinning and feeling zero remorse. “You act like you weren’t straight before too.” To which Seán shrugged and chose to ignore.

“I can see why Felix would be taken with you, so handsome, you make a good-looking couple.” She sounded so happy about it all and Seán couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. His family learned to like Felix but Felix’s mom was immediately so warm and welcoming.

“Is that Felicia?!” Another female voice came from what sounded like it was up the stairs.

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” Felix sighed, rubbing his hand over his face as his sister came down the stairs, her son on her hip, smiling and moving as fast as she could without jostling the baby too much.

“Happy Second Christmas!” She leaned in to give Felix a kiss on the cheek before foisting his nephew onto him with a few words in Swedish before immediately giving Seán a hug. “So nice to meet you, Jack! I’m Fanny. Or should I call you Seán?”

“Either is fine, Felix even calls me both sometimes.”

“But usually Seán,” Felix added as he made funny faces at his nephew. 

“Oh God, he’s adorable,” Seán said, turning his attention to Felix's nephew who was smiling at Felix as he chewed on his hand. He was used to kids and being an uncle, he had plenty of siblings and half of them had reproduced so far so this wasn’t unfamiliar to him at all. But Felix’s nephew was exceptionally blond and sweet-looking, he wondered how much Felix would hate him if he asked to see Felix’s baby pictures. “Will he let me hold him?” he asked, looking back at Fanny for reassurance. He knew some kids didn’t like being close to people they weren’t familiar with, one of his youngest nieces had been like that with him after he moved.

“Go ahead, he likes everyone, and he just got a diaper change, so he’s safe,” she chuckled.

Gently and carefully, Seán pulled the baby from Felix’s arms, holding him in a practiced manner that made Felix’s eyes go a little wide. “Well hello, handsome, you probably don’t know what the hell I’m saying at all but you’re the cutest tiny human I’ve seen in a while.” He was gently bouncing the baby as he rocked from side to side but didn’t miss the way Felix’s mother seemed to melt at the sight.

“Mom, don’t get that look.” Felix, warned, clearly noticing it too.

“What? He’s so good with him!” she smiled and Felix just sighed.

“You really are though.” Fanny agreed.

“I’m the youngest of five. The ‘oops we thought we were done having kids’ baby. Been an uncle since I was still a teenager, been coerced into changing diapers from the start.” He explained, still smiling and making faces at the baby who decided to reach for one of Seán’s gauges but he turned his head quick enough to avoid it. “Been a while since someone grabbed at those though.”

He reached again and Fanny stepped in to scoop him up. “That’s his thing lately, earrings, necklaces, anything like that he grabs at. Though I don’t think I noticed you had ear piercings until now.”

Sighing, Seán shrugged, “Was really into heavy metal and was in a band for a while, seemed like gauging my ears was a good idea at the time, now I’m just sort of stuck with them but I don’t dislike them enough to fix them.”

He caught Felix’s mom staring for a few moments, obviously surprised as well before smiling again and waving them further into the home. “Come, come, the men are in the living room with some beer. Food will be ready soon, not sure how hungry you boys are…”

Felix had taken Seán’s hand in his and led him along. “Do we want to exchange presents after food?” 

His mother waved him off, “Doesn’t matter, dear, we’re in no hurry.” 

It was nice that they got to spend a few days here and not just fly back out immediately. Seán was looking forward to getting to know Felix’s family although Fanny and her husband were probably leaving tomorrow. Still, it was a good feeling not to feel rushed or pressured.

“Ulf, Felix, and Seán are here,” Johanna announced which had both men in the living room perking up, the other he recognized as Fanny’s husband. 

“Ah finally!” Felix’s dad stood up and walked over to give Felix a pat on the shoulder and they had a brief exchange in Swedish before he turned to Seán and held his hand out. “Good to finally meet you, Seán.”

Shaking his hand Seán smiled. “Likewise, thanks so much for having me, it’s very kind of you.”

Felix’s dad just chuckled, “Please, Felix has had way less serious relationships stay over.” To which Felix gave a glare but didn’t deny it.

“Besides, it’s about time we finally met our son’s new partner.” Johanna chimed in.

“Stop saying “finally”, we haven’t even been dating for three months yet.” Felix sounded exasperated but wrapped an arm around Seán’s waist anyway.

His mother shot Felix a skeptical look. “You went to visit him in another country over the summer. Do you really think I believe you two controlled your hormones and weren’t up to something?”

That had both of them turning red, Felix muttered a curse in Swedish and Seán tried to come to his defense. “To be fair, he was a perfect gentleman.” He leaned in to give Felix a kiss on the cheek since it seemed to be an accepting environment here. Besides, the Kjellbergs clearly knew what they’d been up to all this time somehow even though he was positive Felix hadn’t told them outright.

“Well I’m glad he behaved himself but I still doubt you were just holding hands batting your eyelashes at one another.” She gave a knowing smile before turning and heading into the kitchen though it was a relatively open floor plan and she would be able to hear everything from the living room. 

“I’m getting a beer,” Felix sighed, slipping away from Seán and going to the refrigerator, “babe, you want one?”

“Sure, as long as there’s enough to go around.”

Felix’s father scoffed before giving a laugh. “You’re with Felix now, you’re welcome to anything here, no need to ask.” 

It was remarkable how welcoming they were. Seán’s family was similar but that was just part of the culture. Felix always went on about how reserved Swedish people were but his family was incredibly warm and friendly with him already. It was a pleasant surprise, he knew they’d be accepting of their relationship but they treated him like he was already family.

Returning with beer, Felix led Seán into the living room where he sat down on one of the sofas and nearly pulled Seán into his lap. It was obvious he felt at ease here and the guys spent the next hour or so sipping beer, Felix’s brother-in-law bouncing the baby on his lap as Fanny helped Johanna in the kitchen. They talked about how everyone was doing in general and asked questions about Felix and Seán’s work and Seán a bit about his background but it didn’t feel like they were prying at all, just genuinely curious. Felix’s mom and sister would occasionally chime in from over in the kitchen but mostly spoke quietly amongst themselves in Swedish. Seán couldn’t help but notice they spoke it quicker and with a thicker accent than Felix did these days and he finally got what Felix had said about losing his accent a bit.

After the past two days of travel, Seán was tired and found himself beginning to nod off here and there despite his best efforts to stay awake and converse. No one seemed to fault him for it though. At one point Felix took the near-empty bottle of beer from his hand and set it aside, pulling Seán to his chest at which point he gave up trying to stay awake and let his eyes shut as Felix held him.

He didn’t know how much time had passed but he was awoken by laughter and Felix swearing in Swedish followed by a string of phrases Seán couldn’t make out. He sat up a little, yawning into the crook of his elbow, and saw Felix’s mom holding the screen of her phone towards them. Felix was still grumbling in Swedish but Seán managed to make his eyes focus on the screen. It was a picture of both of them asleep on the sofa. Seán tucked up against Felix’s side and Felix holding onto him. Apparently, they’d both managed to nod off at some point.

Despite still waking up, Seán immediately smiled and started laughing at the fact Felix seemed so annoyed. It was a cute picture but he’d learned a while ago Felix did not like having pictures taken of him while he was asleep. Seán had an adorable photo on his phone of Felix curled up around Edgar in bed, both of them dead asleep. It hadn’t woken either of them but when he showed Felix he got grumpy that Seán was ‘creeping’ on him. He still asked Seán to message him the picture though.

Felix acted offended that Seán would side with his family and find it amusing but Seán just kissed the corner of Felix’s mouth and stretched a bit. He wasn’t sure what the ladies had been cooking but it smelled really good and he was starting to feel hungry again despite stuffing himself at breakfast. They really would be working off the calories from this trip when they got home. 

“Dinner’s ready, wake up a bit but don’t be too long or it will get cold,” Johanna said, still smiling a little as Felix continued to pout.

“C’mon, babe, you’ve got to be hungry by now.” Seán prompted, giving Felix a light jostle before standing up himself. The rest of the family was moving to the kitchen but Felix caught Seán’s arm and pulled him in for a brief kiss. 

“We do look cute together, huh?” he asked, a smile beginning to curl his lips now that there wasn’t anyone to be annoyed with.

“Very cute, probably more than a little vain but I’m okay admitting it.”

“I’m glad we’re here,” Felix said, his smile brightening now.

“Me too,” Seán said, sneaking in another quick kiss before helping pull his alpha off the sofa.

Chapter Text

After dinner, they exchanged gifts in the living room. Felix’s family seemed to be happy with the things Seán got them (with Felix’s suggestions). The best part was seeing Felix’s nephew have a blast tearing open his presents and immediately wanting to play with the custom-made Kelpie plush Seán had gotten him. It was cute and innocent looking, a wide-eyed gray pony with a green mane and a seal or mermaid-like tail. Seán was seriously debating ordering another for himself. Kelpies were part of Celtic mythology, technically originating in Scotland but the same story existed in Ireland, parts of Wales, and funnily enough, he’s discovered existed in a similar form in Scandinavia, though with a different name. Basically, a horse that lured you into touching it or riding it and once you did, you couldn’t let go and it would swim deep into the water to drown and in some iterations, consume you. Just your run-of-the-mill evil water spirit but Seán had always been partial to the tale, it was definitely better than a fucking leprechaun so when he saw someone making them and researched them a little more he had to get it. Felix’s nephew was too young to know the story and the toy was fucking adorable and gender-neutral and he felt like it connected their cultures in a way.

Once he explained the logic behind the gift Fanny and Johanna looked like they were ready to melt and to be fair, so did Felix even though he already knew the explanation. 

“Gotta start ‘em young with monsters.” Felix chimed in which made just about everyone laugh but Fanny still looked so touched and happy, focusing all her attention on her little boy giving his new toy kisses.

After that, they got into drinking wine, except Felix who had a beer, and played a board game. It actually was a pleasant way to spend the evening but by his fourth beer of the day, Felix was getting a little too handsy for Seán’s comfort, at least in front of Felix’s family though they seemed to ignore it. He kept trying to slide a hand down to Seán’s ass when he didn’t think anyone was looking, he kept kissing Seán’s cheek and trying to get him to sit in Felix’s lap. Without question, Seán knew it was the alcohol. They’d talked about this too, Felix had started overdoing at times at home again when he was stressed and while he’d managed to control himself in Ireland, he didn’t seem to have the same willpower here and Seán was beginning to think maybe he’d helped himself to something stronger when he’d gone into the kitchen at one point. 

Maybe it had been too much, all the traveling around the holidays, being around so much alcohol, meeting family in rapid succession, trying to still keep things under wraps in public. It stressed Seán out but he had never typically been one self-medicate, he just shut down when he was in mental turmoil. Felix though definitely reached for comfort with outside things that could turn self-destructive. It was becoming clear to him he’d have to cut Felix off in as subtle a way as possible.

He made a joke about him being tired and Felix being a little buzzed as an excuse to get them up to their room where hopefully Felix would pass out and wake up in the morning with more clarity and less anxiety. Seán had to help Felix up and lead him upstairs because Felix was definitely way more than buzzed, he was on the verge of sloppy drunk and a sober Felix wouldn’t want his family to see him like that.

Once they were into the room they were staying in, Felix made his way to the bed and Seán locked the door with a heavy sigh. “We talked about this Fe’.” he began slowly, trying not to get upset because that would just make it worse.

Felix was starting to take off his clothes, although it was all rather fumbled. “Can you just stop and get on my dick already?”

Seán’s eyes went a little wide because somehow Felix thought he could get drunk and Seán would immediately agree to have sex with him. “No, Felix, you’re drunk, we’re not doing anything until you sober up.” Seán wasn’t anti-sex this trip but he definitely couldn’t get it together in Ireland and now with Felix like this… It was far from arousing. “Why are you doing this? We talked about you taking it easy.” Not the easiest thing since not long ago Felix had admitted to Seán that sometimes he felt like he had a problem.

“Babe it’s our first Christmas,” Felix whined, reaching a hand down his boxers to palm himself anyway. “Come on, you’d said you’d put out when we got to Sweden.”

“And you said you wouldn’t get shitfaced.” Seán’s tone was clipped and now he did feel tired, and like he was getting a headache. He sat down on the edge of the bed opposite Felix and just held his head in his hands.

“Jack…” Felix slurred, reaching out and tugging on Seán’s shirt but Seán ignored him. 

“You’re starting to scare me with this shit Fe’,” he sighed and rubbed his temples, trying not to overreact, reminding himself Felix’s family would hear if they fought.

“M’fine, babe, please, I just wanna…” he trailed off and went still and for a few moments Seán thought he might have just passed out but when he glanced over his shoulder, Felix had an arm slung over his face and his chest and shoulders were jumping as he tried to stay silent as he cried. 

Shit.

“Hey, it’s okay, what’s going on?” Seán sat cross-legged on the bed next to Felix, stroking his hair back gently.”

“I-it’s weird. It’s weird to be back here.” His voice was small and strained. Felix hated crying, even in front of Seán still, and it could be tricky to deal with, especially when he was drunk because it could go from sadness to anger at the drop of a hat.

“Why’s it weird? You were happy to get here, you were excited to come here. Is it because we missed the actual Christmas, I’m really sorry. I thought you were okay with our plans.”

Shaking his head, Felix swore and he wiped tears out of his eyes. “No, I’m glad we’re here, I’m glad you’re here but before it was always me and…” He trailed off but he knew exactly what Felix meant. He barely ever even spoke Marzia’s name anymore, usually defaulting to ‘she’ and ‘her’ and after the way their relationship ended and how long they dated, Seán couldn’t fault him too much.

“If it weren’t for me Marzia would be here with you still, is that what you mean?”Seán tried not to take it to heart or be hurt because these were the tearful ramblings of a drunk man but shit it still stung.

“No! I love you so much Seán but it’s still weird and I still miss her.”

It wasn’t that much of a shock, Seán had figured it out almost immediately. Maybe that’s why their relationship moved so fast, both of them out of breakups and wanting the stability of a serious, committed relationship back again. Yes, they did love each other and they worked out great as a couple but after L.A. they just sort of lept into dating and getting in deep fast. Seán didn’t regret it but now it was obvious maybe it hadn’t been the best course of action. “I know you miss her, Felix, I know how much she meant to you and how hard that break up was. I wouldn’t be surprised if you still love her and I wouldn’t hold it against you either. But if you took the time to talk through all this with her like I’ve been doing, processing things, maybe even trying to be friends, it might actually make it hurt less over time.” Hell Seán had texted Marzia yesterday, they weren’t the best of pals but they stayed friends and both tried to support one another and Felix even if Felix tried to do his best to have zero interest in anything she did.

“I don’t love her. Not like that.”

“But you care about her, you miss her.”

Felix sniffed and nodded. “It’s nice to have like, these firsts with you but it makes me think of the last time she was with me and that sucks and sometimes it hurts a-and I just don’t want to fuck things up and make you leave me too.” Fresh tears started to fall now.

Laying down beside Felix, Seán kept stroking his hair and began kissing him and wiping away the tears that fell. “Well I’m not leaving you but I wish you told me this shit instead of drinking away your feelings. That has to stop, Felix, I mean that the binge drinking needs to stop because it’s not just hurting you, it hurts me too.” More tears fell but Felix nodded. “I love you but if you keep on drinking like this… that’s the only thing I can possibly imagine would make me leave you and that’s the last thing in the world I want to do, okay?”

Now Seán was feeling a bit choked up but he had an idea so he forced himself to hold it together. Reaching into his pocket he dialed Marzia and hoped for the best.

After a few rings she picked up and Seán immediately put it on speaker.

“Hey Marz, I got you on speaker, it's me and Felix. Just getting ready for bed right about now.”

“ Hi boys! How was your Christmas? You’re in Sweden by now, right, probably freezing cold too! ”

Felix actually cracked a smile at the last part.

“Christmas was good but I’ll be honest Felix is having a rough night and I think he just needed to hear your voice.”

“ I’m sorry to hear that, please be well, Felix and come home safe, Maya misses you. ”

That made Seán give Felix a pointed look. Felix sighed and seemed to give in. “I miss her too, and… fuck, I miss you as well Marzia.”

“ I miss you too, Felix, ” she said, tone especially quiet. “ I know why you’re mad at me and I’m beyond happy for you and Seán but I get it. I… I just want you to be happy and I think you’re on your way to that now but it would be nice to be at least friendly, if not friends. ”

“I approve,” Seán said immediately.

Felix thought about it a moment then nodded before realizing he had to actually speak for Marzia to understand him. “I think I’m ready to try that.”

“ Thank you, that means a lot to me, it really does. Wonderful Christmas gift. ”

“Alright Marzia I think we can air things out a bit better later but I think we’re all weary travelers at this point, so thanks, have a good night, take care.”

“ Sounds good, goodnight boys, sleep well. ”

And just like that, the call was over. Seán set his phone down and laid his head down on Felix’s chest, wrapping an arm around him.

“How did I get so fucking lucky to have you?” Felix murmured softly, sounding more tired than depressed now. 

“Marzia is partially to thank for that, otherwise we might still think we were straight guy dude-bros still,” Seán said, giving Felix’s side a gentle pat.

“That is pretty true huh?” There was a pause before Felix turned his head a little to look at Seán, “I’m gonna stop drinking, honest. Losing you over that, over something that stupid, it’s not worth it and I’m sorry for hurting you and worrying you about it.” 

“Holding you to that one,” Seán said, turning his head a little to look Felix in the eye. “I don’t think I ask a lot but this has to stop, Fe’, it’s fuckin’ scary.” Felix never actually got violent, but they would argue if Seán tried to cut him off when he was on the verge of overdoing it. Felix got loud and irritated but seeing him lose control drink after drink was deeply worrying and Seán hated it. It wasn’t a constant either, Felix would cut back or stop for a while and things would be great but then there’d be random nights like this where he was feeling emotions he wasn’t comfortable with and decided to drown it with booze. Almost a hundred percent of the time it was whiskey, which Seán enjoyed himself occasionally but if Felix couldn’t be trusted with a bottle of it in the house he would gladly give up the occasional stiff drink if it helped Felix get better. “Let’s just get some rest and let you sober up overnight and start tomorrow off on a better foot.”

With that Seán sat up again, pulling off his shirt and unzipping his pants, pulling off both those and his boxers and tossed them aside, too tired to feel like folding them up. Looking back over at Felix, his eyes were still a little glazed and Seán found his skin was flushed down to his chest as he helped peel Felix’s shirt off of him. Felix had already done the work of opening up his pants so Seán was able to just pull those off and toss them in the same pile as his discarded clothes. It was definitely a little chilly so he got up and put on a clean shirt and pajama pants and went into Felix’s suitcase to get the same for him.

“It’s too warm for that,” Felix grumbled as Seán got him to sit up to get a shirt on him.

“Yeah, because right now you’re drunk, you’ll wake up sobered up in the middle of the night and be freezing, I know you, so just let me do this.” That killed any further argument and Felix let Seán dress him though the second his shirt was on he flopped back onto the bed. Next, Seán went to pull off Felix’s boxers and was surprised to see him still-half hard. Though he probably shouldn’t have been shocked because Felix was often a horny drunk and he’d definitely acted the part earlier. “Jaysus, does that thing ever take a break?”

Smirking, Felix shrugged but let Seán put pants on him, the black and gray pair that were his favorite and getting a little threadbare, Though he lifted his hips a little too proudly as Seán tugged them up and over his ass.

“I know you’re probably not in the mood to mess around right now but the offer still stands.”

Rolling his eyes, Seán shook his head. “You’re still drunk, no.”

“I’m not that drunk, please?” he reached over to put a hand on Seán’s hip.

Going back around to the other side of the bed, Seán got under the covers.

“You still smell like alcohol, you were crying, I just had to dress you, you’re drunk enough to not be able to consent.” As far as Seán was concerned that was the end of the story, and he reached over to the nightstand to turn off the light.

“What is it with you and fucking sober consent?” Felix sounded annoyed now.

“Because you drink to the point of blacking out and I don’t want us having sex to ever be something you regret in the morning.”

There was a long pause before Felix curled up against Seán’s side, wrapping an arm around him. “I’d never regret that ever but if you don’t feel comfortable with it I guess that’s okay too. Just feels ass-backward, you’re my omega, I should be protecting you.”

“I’m only protecting you from yourself,” Seán murmured, curling around Felix as well.

“Well fuck, that makes me sound like a piece of shit, not arguing it though.”

“You’re not a piece of shit Felix, you just have a problem.”

“I guess I do. Fuck, I’m sorry, Seán.” Felix kissed his forehead and just held him close.

“I love ye’ Felix but we need to get you better.”

“You’re not wrong.” Felix sighed, gently rubbing a hand over Seán’s back. “I love you. Thanks for not giving up on me.”

Seán just nodded and closed his eyes because after this latest episode he was just so very tired and just wanted to wake up to a new day and a sober Felix.

---

The next morning Seán woke up with Felix spooned up behind him. They’d both needed the sleep and Seán felt more optimistic about today, hoping Felix would keep the promises he made last night. Stretching a little, Felix growled and clung to Seán tighter, burying his face in his neck to scent Seán and rolling his hips against his omega’s ass to tout the fact he had morning wood. 

“Well, good morning to you too.” Another stretch and a yawn and then Seán was pressing back against Felix. “Have any plans for what you’re going to do with that?” he teased because Felix got more than a little sexually frustrated when they weren’t going at it on a regular basis.

“Gonna suck your dick, make you come, then fuck you and make you come again.”

That was a bit of a daunting request, Seán had managed to get off twice in a row many times but it wasn’t always a given. Even so, he was willing to give it a go. “Gotta let go of me first before we can get anywhere.”

Grumbling, Felix sat up, dragging Seán along with him and putting his omega onto his lap. Then he slowly, carefully stripped Seán down, first his shirt, then his pajama pants, throwing them both into the pile of clothes they started last night. He positioned Seán how he wanted him on the bed, head on the pillows, legs spread and knees bent, he wasn’t hard yet but he could already feel a thrill running through him, knowing what was about to happen.

“Feeling frisky today, are we?” Seán loved to tease Felix but the alpha got him back by wrapping a hand around his cock, slowly working to get Seán aroused.

“Excuse me? What was that, bitch?” Felix growled and nipped at Seán’s inner thigh. That had Seán biting his lip to keep from making any loud noise that would give them away. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Felix’s hand kept stroking Seán which quickly had him getting hard as Felix kissed and licked and nipped at his pale thighs. Over time Felix seemed to become accustomed to how hairy Seán was, legs included, and either learned to ignore it or just accepted it. Slowly he wrapped his lips around the head of Seán’s cock and started sucking and not long after began to bob his head. Felix honestly never had that bad of a gag reflex, Lord knows he’s deep-throated plenty of microphones but since they started doing things like this together it was nearly non-existent and Seán was a little jealous. Sure he was an omega and not as huge as an alpha like Felix was but he still wished he could give better blow jobs. Especially now when Felix’s nose was ruffling his pubic hair as he swallowed around Seán which felt goddamn amazing. 

Pulling back, Felix resumed stroking Seán as he took in a ragged breath. “We need to trim you up again.” It was true, Seán had let his pubes grow out longer than either of them preferred but before the trip, he’d been so busy and just couldn’t be bothered.

“It’s way more enjoyable when you do it for me.” 

Felix rolled his eyes but didn’t disagree. While Felix preferred to tend to his business on his own, there was a weird amount of trust and intimacy when he did it for Seán. And Seán was never one to turn down the attention because it usually became an event, Felix kissing and scenting him the whole time while being focused and aware of what he was doing with the trimmers.

“You just like me touching your dick.”

“Yes.” Seán grinned but then Felix was shutting him up again by sucking Seán’s cock into his mouth, his tongue teasing along the underside as he sucked more intently this time, head bobbing and Seán reaching down to grab Felix’s hair.

Many alphas would consider giving a blow job to their male omega partner beneath them but Felix had very few qualms about it. He’d been hesitant at first but they both enjoyed it so much it came into regular rotation in the bedroom. Plus, Felix was goddamn good at sucking cock. The only thing he didn’t like was getting on his knees, both out of pride and because it got uncomfortable fast. When he was in the mood for this he liked to have Seán laid out before him like some valuable he treasured deeply. 

One hand rubbed circles low over Seán’s belly, the other sliding between his legs. Felix obviously smelled Seán was starting to get slick but he always seemed eager to test it. He let out a low moan around Seán’s cock as he easily slid a finger into him. 

For Seán it was becoming sensation overload, Felix was still touching him, sucking his cock eagerly, and now fingering him on top of everything else. Seán began to thrust upward into Felix’s mouth which Felix allowed, though he pulled back slightly so he wouldn’t choke, willing to just let Seán fuck him mouth as he added a second finger inside his omega, stretching him open gently which wasn’t hard, as turned on as Seán was, it was easy access. Still, Felix seemed intent on his plan from earlier, he didn’t touch Seán’s prostate once but instead kept bobbing his head, tongue licking over the head of Seán’s cock, pulling off to let his tongue tease its way under Seán’s foreskin. Which made the omega arch and grab a fistful of the sheets and tug on Felix’s hair, forcing himself not to moan and scream like he wanted to. They weren’t always noisy during sex, sometimes they just took it easy, going slow, enjoying each other’s bodies and orgasming was just an added bonus. But right now Felix had a purpose behind every movement he made and that was to drive Seán absolutely wild.

It only took a few more minutes before Felix coaxed him into climaxing, his tongue teasing at Seán’s cock and thrusting two fingers in and out of him steadily pushed the omega over the edge. Seán swore and bit back a moan, body going stiff as he came into Felix’s mouth. The alpha swallowed slowly before quickly climbing back up Seán’s body to kiss him. He could definitely taste himself on Felix’s tongue and he whimpered, forcing himself to keep quiet. Even so, his breathing was ragged and he was melting back into the bed even as Felix removed his fingers and lined himself up. Right then Seán felt unbelievably good and he was just going along for the ride.

Felix hissed out a string of words in Swedish that Seán vaguely recognized as meaning something along the lines of ‘your ass is tight’. This was the most time they’d had to be intimate with each other in about a week so it probably felt that way. Even Seán felt a bit of an extra stretch as Felix pushed the rest of the way inside him. Suddenly, he felt breathless again and Felix kept nuzzling into the side of his neck, scenting him as if the action of penetrating Seán had been lost on him until now like he was experiencing it for the first time all over again.

“If this is how you act after a week of no sex...” Seán said in a low, breathy voice, right in Felix’s ear, still trying to keep quiet. “Then you better never get me pregnant because you’ll have to lay off me for at least six weeks after.” That only made Felix growl louder as he bit down on Seán’s scent gland hard enough that he probably would have a mark later. “Jaysus Christ, take it easy!” He really didn’t need love bites all over his exposed skin after only one night in Felix’s parents’ home. 

After that Felix didn’t nip at him again but still kept up his movements, thrusting into Seán at a steady pace, panting, and letting out the occasional soft moan. His hands ran up and down Seán’s sides as the omega clung to him. Seán had an arm wrapped around Felix’s back and the other was gripping the alpha’s bicep. Adjusting his position a little, Felix pressed into Seán again, this time striking his spot dead-on, and continued to aim his hips to keep doing so. Despite trying to remain quiet, Seán gasped before Felix quickly clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound. He figured Felix would be ready to just get off already but nope, Felix seemed to enjoy drawing this out, thrusting a little quicker, then slower, varying his speed to tease Seán and get him aroused again. And damn it, it was working. It took a bit of patience but he found himself getting hard all over again which Felix clearly noticed and he let out a soft growl at.

With Felix’s hand covering his mouth, Seán let out a low moan, the sound was muffled and Felix growled a low warning in reaction. Seán, being the little shit that he was, immediately responded with a moan when Felix snapped his hips against him. “Jack shut the fuck up!” he hissed, continuing to fuck Seán at a faster pace. By then Seán was well-past the point of caring, arching his back and meeting Felix’s thrusts eagerly. His dick was aching all over again, feeling oversensitive any time it found some friction between their bodies. Whimpering softly, Felix finally removed his hand over Seán’s mouth. “That’s it, good boy,” he purred, blue eyes dark and intense as he stared down at Seán. The silky tone to Felix’s voice had Seán letting out another quiet whimper, wide-eyed and biting down on his bottom lip to be silent. “You going to be good now?” Felix was panting by that point and Seán had felt breathless for the past half hour or so. After Seán gave a quick nod, a grin spread across Felix’s face, eyes twinkling. “There’s my good omega.”

Oh, so Felix was in that sort of mood, one where he enjoyed playing with the power dynamic between them and acting alpha just for the sake of it. 

“Please Felix, I need you so bad, you feel so fucking good, I just want your knot already.” It was easy bait, Felix’s eyes narrowed and his nostrils flared and he bit down on Seán’s scent gland again which made the omega nearly yelp at the feeling but this time didn’t stop him. Felix kept brushing Seán’s hair back, lips close, nearly close enough to touch as they panted and moved together. If Felix wanted to play the part of big powerful alpha in bed, Seán would be the last one to stop him. Even if it was in his potential future in-law’s home. 

Very little encouragement was needed after that, Felix was grunting softly, slamming home every time now and they could both feel his knot swelling. He must be close because he began to stroke Seán’s cock again, with the same determination to make his omega come that he’d had earlier.

“Fuck, fuck, Seán!” Felix hissed before biting back a low guttural noise as his knot slipped into Seán, trying them together as Felix let loose and came with a groan. Feeling Felix lock into then spill inside him, Seán knew he was a goner. It just felt so full and they were so connected, it only took a few more skilled flicks of Felix’s hand before he came for the second time that morning. It was intense, to say the least, and Seán felt a little like the room was spinning

“What the fuck…” Seán eventually rasped, Felix was shivering above him, forehead resting against his omega’s shoulder. “I can’t believe we just did that.” He wanted to laugh but he was still out of breath and it wound up a cough. His hands were pressed against Felix’s back, rubbing circles, it seemed like he was still in his own little blissed-out world.

By the time his knot went down and he pulled out, making them both groan, he flopped over on his back next to Seán, pulling him in close.

“I really fucking love you,” he said softly, voice sounding rough and a little groggy. 

“I really fucking love you too but we also need to really fucking get up soon.”

That just made Felix groan.

“You were the one who wanted to get frisky in Sweden, you got your wish. I am in need of a shower after that and I’d prefer not to have your mother walk in and check on us.”

Another groan but this time Felix scrubbed a hand over his face before sitting up. “Alright, you shower, I’ll try and clean up in here and then get in after you.” Stretching he yawned and stood up, Seán followed immediately after, only wincing slightly at the ache from being taken so thoroughly. He was forced to throw on a pair of shorts to get to the bathroom which was blessedly vacant, the sounds from downstairs made it seem like everyone was up already. 

“Love you, Meatball.” Seán snickered as he popped his head back in the room before shutting the door, the last image flashing on the other side was Felix flipping him off. They might be dating now but some parts of their dynamic hadn’t changed a bit.

Seán officially headed into the bathroom, finding towels and shutting the door before locking it, then he stripped back down and started the shower. It took a minute or two to heat up but he figured it was because of how cold it was here. When it was appropriately searing he stepped in and tried to refocus. Yeah, he just got off twice in a very short amount of time but he was still with Felix’s family and would have to put in a little extra effort to be charming so this was a chance to calm down and switch gears. Even so, it was a better shift in mood to the trip and they’d both needed it more than Seán had realized. Humming softly to him, he set to work showering so he could continue to enjoy the visit.