Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Mr Holmes, stop texting
your brother. He is in
a meeting.

The obnoxious bastard can
turn off his phone.
SH

He is waiting for a call.

Who are you?
SH

I’m sure you’ll figure
it out.

Is that a challenge?
SH

It’s an observation.

Give me a clue.
SH

Stop texting your brother.

That is not a clue.
SH

Stop.

If you tell me who you
are.
SH

I thought you’d have figured
it out by now. Should I be
insulted?

You obviously work for my
brother; you need no further
insult.
SH

Now you’re getting somewhere.
I was starting to think your
brother thought too highly of you.

I find it a bit unfair that you
probably know everything from
my school grades to my DNA
profile and I don’t even know
your gender.
SH

Life is unfair.Would my
gender matter?

No, it wouldn’t.
SH

And don’t flatter yourself.
I don’t care about your grades.

But my genomic sequence?
SH

Chromosomes are very hot.

I think I like you.
SH

I’m sorry Mr Holmes, but
I’m married to my work.

You work for Mycroft.
Get a divorce.
SH

Oh, the troublesome
bureaucracy.

At least I hope it’s
a sexless marriage.
SH

Isn’t that the definition
of a marriage?

Touché.
SH

-x-

Your brother wants
to know if you’re going
to your mother’s.

He knows the answer.
SH

Is that your final answer?

Yes. Feel free to improvise
an insult of your choice to
accompany it.
SH

-x-

The car is outside.

Not going.
SH

-x-

I’ve been asked to remind
you that it is illegal to
rob graves.

Thank you for reminding me.
Going to write it on a post-it and
put it on my bathroom mirror.
SH

Sarcasm doesn’t work well
in texts.

Stating the obvious today,
are we?
SH

I apologise. I’m tired today.

You’re excused, you work
for Mycroft. The fact that you
don’t have a constant
migraine is unbelievable.
SH

My migraines are never
work-related.

Again: unbelievable.
SH

-x-

Bored.
SH

Magnetic.

?

Thought we were
picking random
adjectives.

I thought you were
intelligent.
SH

Ditto.

I’m bored.
SH

I’m important.

Self-important
maybe.
SH

Pot, kettle, black.

Stop using random
words.
SH

jfgi

Amusing.
SH

But you’re not bored
anymore.

-x-

Your brother is
driving me up the wall!

Told you this would
happen.
SH

Kicking when I’m
down? Classy.

You have better
opportunities to kill
him than I do, so there’s
not much I can do.
SH

How do you think
I should do it?

Exploding umbrella.
SH

That’s not very refined.

Didn’t know killing one’s
brother needed to be
refined.
SH

Poison? You’re a chemist
after all.

Please don’t say
this is a hypothetical
conversation.
SH

Either way, you made
me smile. Thank you.

You’re welcome.
SH

-x-

Scrabble app available!

The game is on!
SH

Zymase? Really?

Says Ms Amniote.
SH

So you figured that out
at last. What gave me
away?

The 29 day migraine
cycle and the
murder by poison.
SH

Maybe you do have a
brain after all. The
poison was a bit
prejudiced though.

But not incorrect.
SH

JUKEBOX, 3xword.
Read it and weep.

Rematch?
SH

-x-

Guess who I just
picked up.

Case. No time.
SH

Wrong.

Serial suicide.
SH

Heard about those.
Anything yet?

Theories. Definitely
murders.
SH

Fascinating. Lestrade
invited you?

Finally.
SH

He’s hot.

Please stop.
SH

Guess who I just
picked up.

You know I don’t
guess.
SH

A Dr John H Watson.

God. How can
you work for that man?
SH

He’s hot too.

I just vomited.
SH

I’ll bring your doctor
soon. I think he’s
flirting with me.

Haha! Go for it.
SH

The cane is a bit of a
turn-off.

It’s psychosomatic.
SH

The cane?

The limp, obviously.
I’ll get it fixed for you.
SH

Married to my work,
remember?

I thought I told you
to get a divorce.
SH

Do you want me to
eavesdrop on the
conversation?

No, I think I’ll mess
with him myself.
SH

You’re texting him?

Yes, but I was think
about you all the time.
SH

Thank you.
On our way back now.
Went by his place to pick
up a gun (or something
similar, he has it inside
his jeans. Hard to say).

Or maybe he’s just
happy to see you?
SH

He is. But he brought a
gun.

If the limp is a deal
breaker, I can fix it.
Honest.
SH

Don’t you have a case?

-x-

Told you he had a gun.

Told you I could fix
the limp.
SH

Thought you’d like to
know I’ve raised your
surveillance.

Worried about the
army doctor much? I think
he can take care of himself.
SH

Not my orders.

I can give you a
poison of your choice to
feed him.
SH

Only I wouldn’t.

I was so close to
falling in love with you.
SH

Good night, Sherlock.

Good night.
SH

Chapter Text

Just to make it
clear: you were the
one standing next to
my poor excuse for
a brother yesterday?
SH
 
I’ve never met your
brother.
 
Oh ha ha ha.
SH
 
I find it fascinating
how you have a
compulsive need to
sign your texts.
 
It’s not compulsive.
SH
 
Your brother does the
same thing.
 
I thought you hadn’t
met my brother.
SH
 
Nine hours ago you had
never seen me.
 
So it was you.
SH
 
What if I was the one
putting a blanket on you?
 
You would never!
SH
 
You make it sound like
I don’t care about you.
 
Do you?
SH
 
You know that.
 
Sometimes I think
you just like me for
my chromosomes.
SH
 
They are hot! My God!
A woman can take
just so much.
 
You’re an idiot.
SH
 
My IQ is higher than
yours.
 
How very pedestrian.
SH
 
It’s just the truth.
 
Do you have any
proof for this absurd
statement?
SH
 
Besides both of our IQ-
test scores? How about
every game of Scrabble we’ve
ever played?
 
I’m a victim of a poor
random generator and
can’t be judged by the
letters a phone app is
giving me.
SH
 
You just keep telling
yourself that luv.
 
Luv?
SH
 
No, it didn’t feel right
for me either.
 
Good.
SH
 
It was me.
 
Was that so hard
to admit?
SH
 
No, but this was more
fun. Like what you saw?
 
Married to my work.
SH
 
Such a me-wannabe.
 
Am not.
SH
 
And he’s four years old!
 
Am not.
SH
 
Go to bed!
 
I thought I saw a
dominatrix in you.
SH
 
Should I come over
and spank you?
 
You just want an
excuse to see John now
when he doesn’t have
a limp. Shallow woman!
SH
 
Would never do that.
His chromosomes
are not as hot as yours.
And your brother's. God!
His genome is sexy as fuck.
 
My brain just exploded.
SH
 
Was that the only thing
exploding?
 
What?
SH
 
You’re in bed, thinking
about me and MY hot
chromosomes. BOOM!
 
I don’t follow.
SH
 
You’re a clever boy.
You’ll figure it out.
 
Are you suggesting
I’m using you as a
masturbatory fantasy?
SH
 
Don’t deny it.
 
Wouldn’t that borderline
rape?
SH
 
No.
 
Wank away.
 
This is uncomfortable.
SH
 
Then you’re doing it
wrong.
 
Ha. Ha. Ha.
SH
 
-x-
 
Anthea? Really?
SH
 
What?
 
The name you
gave John when
he asked.
SH
 
Oh. That.
 
So why Anthea?
SH
 
I was texting you,
it just popped into
my head.
 
What is your name?
SH
 
It took you a year to
figure out my gender.
Why do you think I’d
just tell you that?
 
I can just ask Mycroft.
SH
 
I’d like to see how that
turns out.
 
You don’t believe I will?
SH
 
I don’t think it’s important
enough to you that you
would speak to him.
 
It or you?
SH
 
It. I know you love me.
 
Pride is a sin.
SH
 
Not when you do it right.
 
Does Mycroft know your
name?
SH
 
Of course he does. How
else would he know what
to shout in bed?
 
If you’re screwing my
brother I’ll never speak
to you again.
SH
 
Technically, we’ve never
spoken.
 
So you don’t deny it?
SH
 
Riding him as we text.
 
Call Lestrade, shot fired
at 221B Baker Street. Brain
substance on the wall.
SH
 
Keep texting, the vibration
is amazing.
 
Fuck you.
SH
 
Yes I am.
 
Brain substance all over
the wall.
SH
 
Or semen?
 
If I were getting off at
the thought of my friend
riding my brother I’d
need to be admitted.
SH
 
Why would you think
about Dr Watson
riding my boss?
 
Gah! Mental images
be gone!
SH
 
And you say you’re
not a compulsive
signer.
 
You broke my
brain.
SH
 
Ask John to put a
bandage on it when
he’s finished.
 
Or when your brother
finishes.
 
You’re truly terrible.
SH
 
-x-
 
Can you make
Mycroft look away
for a week or two?
SH
 
Migraine.
 
That’s two days too
early.
SH
 
Tell that to my head
and uterus.
 
Are you okay?
SH
 
No.
 
Anything I can do?
SH
 
Stop texting.
 
-x-
 
Feeling better?
SH
 
Yes. Thank you.
 
You know, you
can always get an
hysterectomy.
SH
 
Women really aren’t
your area.
 
So that’s a no?
SH
 
Don’t pretend to
be stupider than you
are.
 
Can you make
Mycroft look away
for a week or two?
SH
 
Why?
 
If I tell you, I’d
have to kill you and
that would be a
waste.
SH
 
With an exploding
umbrella? Please,
you’d never manage
to kill me.
 
Challenge?
SH
 
Observation. But
please try.
 
Watch your tea.
SH
 
Tea is for wimps!
 
Well, coffee then.
SH
 
You’ll never get
close to my coffee.
 
We’ll see.
SH
 
So that’s a no
on distracting Mycroft?
SH
 
You catch more flies
with honey than with
death threats.
 
Oh well.
SH
 
-x-
 
I hate you.
 
What?
SH
 
Don’t play innocent!
 
I don’t understand
what you’re talking
about.
SH
 
My coffee.
 
No? Did something
happen to it?
SH
 
It’s decaf! I hate you.
 
Don’t blame me. It
must have been
Mycroft.
SH
 
I can play dirty too.
 
I’m so scared.
SH
 
You should be.
 
-x-
 
You’ve ruined my
brain!
SH
 
Been there, done that.
 
I’m scratching my
eyes out as we text.
SH
 
And people say men
can’t multitask.
 
How did you even
get that picture?
SH
 
No, don’t tell me!
SH
 
Yes please tell me!
SH
 
Magician and their
tricks you know.
 
This can’t be real.
You must have
photoshopped it.
SH
 
You can ask John to
authenticate it.
 
Is it John’s!?
SH
 
Well, I guess you
can say that it is.
In a matter of
speaking.
 
John has not seen
that part of Mycroft!
SH
 
Are you sure?
 
I’m the world’s
only consulting
detective! Of course
I am!
SH
 
Blah, blah, blah. I’m
the woman behind the
man who, according to
you I might add, IS the
government. And I
render your argument
invalid.
 
Well at least I see
where he got the “minor
position” part.
SH
 
Studies show that
partners of men with
small cocks are more
satisfied sexually than
partners of men with
large ones.
 
Who does that sort
of study?
SH
 
A man with a smaller-
than-average penis I
would presume.
 
Is that what he spends
taxpayer money on?
SH
 
Damn you! Now I got
coffee all over my phone!
 
Serves you right.
SH
 
Truce?
 
Yes please.
SH

Chapter Text

Bored.
SH

BORED.
SH

BORED!

Busy.

You hate me.
SH

Shut it.

I’m dying of
boredom and you
don’t even care.
SH

War. Economic
crisis. Olympic
Games.

Your random
word generator
is on again.
SH

Go and make an
exploding umbrella.

-x-

Bored.
SH

You annoy me.

Bored!
SH

It’s 4am. Sleep.

Sleeping is
boring.
SH

For being brilliant,
you're quite an
idiot.

People tell me
that repeatedly.
SH

Well then….

People said you
could create gold too.
People are idiots.
SH

Can’t argue with
that.

I’m bored.
SH

So you keep telling
me.

What are you
doing?
SH

Your brother.

Poor girl.
SH

Go to bed.

I’m in bed. It’s
4 am.
SH

Then I have some
ideas of what you
can do.

Please stop with
the sexual innuendos.
It’s beyond tiresome.
SH

YOU are beyond
tiresome.

What are you
doing up at this hour?
SH

And don’t say
Mycroft.
SH

It’s need-to-know.

I need to know.
SH

No.

Yes.
SH

Stop behaving
like a child.

Stop treating me
like one. I’m fairly
sure I’m older than
you.
SH

Yes you are, by 4
years.

The information
dynamic in our
relationship is a bit
off.
SH

You love a mystery.

I do love that.
SH

I have an idea!
Surprise John with
breakfast in bed.

I do hope your
Work-related ideas
are better than that.
Otherwise our
country might be in
trouble.
SH

Oh funny.

You’re right. It
already is in trouble.
SH

Not sure you can
blame that on me.

Don’t worry, I
blame it solely on
my brother.
SH

Not sure you can
do that either.

Watch me.
SH

You’re so
predictable
sometimes.

Is whatever you’re
doing going well?
SH

No, I’m constantly
interrupted by my
boss’ baby brother.

Well I’m sorry
I’m bored and that
you’re the most
interesting person
in my life.
SH

You’re forgiven!

Don’t let him
force you to work
too hard.
SH

I won’t, but he
never does.

Good.
SH

I’m still bored.
SH

Shut up Sherlock.

-x-

Bored.
SH

Just…go to Bart’s
and cure cancer.

If it was that easy,
someone would have
done it already.
SH

God! You’re stupid.

-x-
Do you call
Mycroft by name?
SH

Hello random
question.

Just wondering.
SH

Bored much?

What tipped you
off?
SH

Years of experience
dealing with the two
of you.

Well? Do you call
Mycroft by name.
Don’t say “only in bed”
because, honestly,
it’s getting old.
SH

I’ve called him by
his first name twice.

No. Three times.

What were the
occasions?
SH

Not telling you that.

So it concerns
me.
SH

I’m not going to
tell you.

You don’t have to,
I know it does. If I
guess right, will you
confirm?
SH

No.

You’re so not fun
right now.
SH

-x-

I’m bored.
SH

How novel.

Aren’t you ever
bored?
SH

I help run this
country; I don’t
have time to be
bored.

How I envy you.
SH

I’m sure your brother
can find a position
for you.

I’m bored, not
suicidal.
SH

You’re too fond of
yourself to ever
commit suicide.

How well you know
me.
SH

If you only knew.

That sounds a bit
disturbing.
SH

Don’t you worry
your pretty little
head with that.

Why not? That’s
the most interesting
thing I’ve encountered
today.
SH

Go ahead and worry
your pretty little
head then.

Thank you.
SH

-x-

Still bored?

Yes. Not that
you care.
SH

Oh hush.

Bored. Alone.
Unwanted. Unloved.
SH

Drama seeking,
over-grown child.

Uncalled for.
SH

Not really. Want to
play a game?

Depends.
SH

No it doesn’t. You
always want to play
games with me.

True. What do
you have in mind?
SH

I was thinking
20 Questions.

BORING!
SH

…to figure out
my real name.

Intriguing. Rules?
SH

Except the obvious?
I only answer one
letter perquestion and
I won’t be fussy about
spelling with silent
letters.

So you have a
name with a silent
letter?
SH

Do you want to waste
a question on that?

No. Is it a female
name?
SH

Tss. Yes.

Could have been
unisex for all I know.
It is of Latin origin?
SH

No.

Hebrew?
SH

I see what you’re
doing here. Clever.
But no.

I’m known to not
be all looks and charms.
Does it originate from
the British Isles?
SH

No.

French?
SH

Yes.

Do many women
your age share your
name?
SH

No.

Do you like your
name?
SH

What? Do you want
to ask that?

Yes. I don’t care
too much about my
name.
SH

I like my name.

Good. Does it have
any connection to the
Bible?
SH

Yes.

Not sure that
narrowed it down that
much. Is it a
connection to the NT?
SH

Yes.

I hope it’s not
Mary. Or the French
version thereof.
SH

Why?

You just don’t look
like a Mary.
SH

Thank you?

You’re welcome. Is
the name (or “name”)
mentioned in all four
Gospels?
SH

Yes.

That leaves two
and since I hope it isn’tMarie (and
it would have been
common among
your peers as well) I’m
going to say:
Madeleine.
SH

Sure? If you get it
wrong you’ll not get
a second chance.
Ever.

I’m sure.
SH

You’re right.

Of course I am.
SH

Still bored?

No. I feel a bit
strange though.
SH

How come?

It feels like I
know you for the
first time.
SH

If it helps, you’ll
never figure out
my last name.

Don’t be so sure.
SH

What did you list my number as before?

It has changed
over the years.
SH

Tell me.

No.
SH

Just the last one
then?

It’s embarrassing.
SH

You’re making it
worse.

”A friend”.
SH

Strange. I have
you listed as
the same.

Chapter Text

Are you all right?

You’re fast.
SH

Your flat blew
up!

Technically the
flat across the
street blew up.
Gas leak.
SH

Are you all right?

I’m fine. Please
tell Mycroft.
SH

You tell him.

No.
SH

-x-

Your brother
is on his way
over.

Just wonderful.
First I almost
get blown up and
now this.
SH

Hush.

How much time
do I have before he
gets here?
SH

I’d say three
minutes.

Why didn’t
you warn me
earlier?
SH

Well, he does
pay me.

Then I know
where your loyalty
lies.
SH

Play nice.

Never.
SH

-x-

Why don’t you
ever stop him?
SH

Indulge him.

Hm, no.
SH

It’s a matter of
national security.

So he said.
SH

He has a point.

He never has
a point.
SH

Please? Pretty
please?

What’s in it
for me?
SH

A knighthood?

Just what I
asked Santa
for.
SH

Cute.

Why do you
want me to do it?
SH

National. Security.

Just keep calm
and carry on.
SH

Your Courage,
Your Cheerfulness,
Your Resolution
Will Bring Us Victory!

So you’re our
propaganda minister
now?
SH

You started it, but
yes.

Tragic.
SH

Come on
Sherlock. I know
you're bored.

I’m not.
SH

You’ve been
texting me
obscene
emoticons every
other minute!

YOU!
SH

What?

YOU sent him
here!
SH

I don’t know
what you’re
talking about.

Terrible woman!
And it’s not even
an interesting case.
SH

I was pressed for
time. Best I could
do.

You made it
up?
SH

I might have
exaggerated the
severity when I
informed your
brother about the
situation.

So no national
security?
SH

It might be.

Does Mycroft
know about this?
SH

I don’t think he
does, he was
happy to get
a reason to go
and make sure
you were all right.

I told you to
tell him I was fine.
SH

I don’t take my
orders from you.
And he didn’t
care what I said.

He should
learn to trust.
SH

He trusts me with
his life, but he
trusts neither of
us with yours.

How sweet of
him.
SH

-x-

You’ll enjoy this:
your brother has
a dental appointment
today.

Ha! He hates
dentists.
SH

I know, thank
you for re-informing
me.

I’ve been spending
too much time with
John. I’ve noticed
I’ve started to
state the obvious.
I’m sorry.
SH

It’s fine. I’ll send
you a picture
from the dentist’s
office later.

I’m forever
in your debt.
SH

I’m going to
save that text.

-x-

You gave
Mycroft John’s
number?
SH

You don’t
respond so I
had to do
something.

You’ve admitted
it was just a case
to entertain me.
SH

I’m not going to
tell your brother
that.

And by the way,
you have John’s
number?
SH

I have the Internet.

Ha! You have
it for your
entertainment.
SH

Can you blame
me? He’s a
doctor in uniform.

So?
SH

You’re so sweet
when you’re
innocent.

Would that
make him more
sexually appealing,
for whatever
reason?
SH

Yes, but your
chromosomes are
still hotter. Don’t
worry.

Pfft. Tell Mycroft
I don’t have time.
I only have five
hours left until
the bomb goes off.
SH

Another one?

Isn’t it
wonderful?
SH

No!

-x-

Root canal?
SH

Yes.

Wonderful!
SH

-x-

Guess who just
walked by.

I do not
guess, but...
John Watson.
SH

Yes, your doing?

Of course. I
wanted to
surprise you.
SH

Thank you,
that was sweet.

He is better
without the cane,
right?
SH

Quite!

You have to
make a move
soon! He spends
far too much
time with Sarah.
SH

Stop playing
matchmaker.

Just trying
to help. You
should really
get a divorce.
SH

I like my job,
Sherlock.

You’d like
John too. Even
though he’s a
bit slow.
SH

He’s leaving
now. Your brother
doesn't look
pleased or
convinced.

John was there
for your sake,
not for his.
SH

Find the plans
please.

Boring. Even
an idiot could
do it. Actually, I
might just let an
idiot do it.
SH

Be nice to the
doctor.

-x-

Does the latest
explosion have
anything to do
with what you’re
doing?

It wasn’t my
fault.
SH

It never is, is it?

No, never. I
won.
SH

Not even going
to ask about that.
To confirm:
we haven’t had
two massive gas
explosions in just
a couple of days?

No. Semtex.
Don’t tell Mycroft.
SH

Good, that’s a lot of
taxpayer money saved
if we don’t need
to investigate. I have
to tell your brother.

Why?
SH

Because someone
is running around
blowing things up
with Semtex.

I’ll handle it.
SH

That’s not very
comforting.

John’s upset
with me because of
the latest
explosion.
SH

How come?

I think he
blames me for
not stopping it.
Or for not caring.
SH

I’d guess the
latter.

Would you be
upset about that?
SH

I’m a finger on
the hand that
sends people to
war.

What does
that mean?
SH

That I know how
to not care about
the means when
it justifies the end.

Thank you.
SH

You’re not a
terrible person.

-x-

I’m brilliant!
SH

Sure you are.

Why do
people care
about
astronomy?
SH

It’s fantastic.

Not you too.
SH

-x-

I was wrong.
SH

What was that?
I’m saving that
text as well.

An idiot couldn’t
find the plans, but
he was pretty close.
SH

Be nice to John.

Just for you.
SH

Hush. So you have
the stick?

Yes, but it’s
empty.
SH

Oops.

You knew?
SH

Maybe. You
shouldn't have
opened it.

I’m not
trustworthy.
SH

I know. Bring
it by tomorrow?

Whatever.
SH

-x-

In which
office is my
dear brother
today?
SH

Coming with
the plans,
are we?

No, sorry. Just
me. Which one?
SH

He only has
one office.

Don’t even.
SH

All right. He’s in
that one though..

See you both
in a bit, then.
SH

We’ll see.

-x-

You looked
tired.
SH

I am a bit.

Don’t let
him work you
too hard.
SH

I never do. It’s
the Chinese
market keeping
me up late.

That was a cute
nickname for John.
SH

Haha. You looked
tense.

I was meeting
Mycroft.
SH

More than usual,
I meant. You all right?

Yes. I just
missed something,
and it bugs me.
SH

I’m sure you’ll
figure it out.

I’m sure too.
SH

Humility suits
you so well.

-x-

Show my brother
my website.
SH

Why?

Just do it. Now.
It’s important.
SH

You’re not
going to tell me?

You’re a clever
girl, you’ll figure
it out.
SH

You’re taking the
plans to a pool?

You know the
stick is empty.
Please, tell
Mycroft!
SH

Why don’t you
do it yourself?

I need the
extra time this
will give me.
Please?
SH

I’m on my way.

I don’t know
what I would do
without you.
You’re my best
friend.
SH

Sherlock Holmes,
are you saying
goodbye to me?

Hopefully not.
I have John’s gun.
SH

Where’s John?

With Sarah.
Sorry. Just
show Mycroft.
I’ll be fine.
SH

You’d better!

-x-

Are you all right?

Sherlock?

Answer me! Your
brother left
without me!

[Message undeliverable]

Sherlock!

[Message undeliverable]

Don’t force me
to call you!

[Message undeliverable]

Please….

[Message undeliverable]

Chapter Text

I hate my
new phone!
SH

You can
always buy
one yourself.
MH

I can’t do
anything with
this phone!
SH

You can text,
evidently.
MH

My brother
the comedian --
he states the
painfully obvious!
SH

Your ways of
thanking me grow
more and more
indirect every
time.
MH

I can’t do
my job with
this phone.
SH

You
underestimate
yourself.
MH

Your trust
in me is
touching.
SH

Buy yourself
a new phone and
stop whining.
MH

-x-

Mycroft said
you should
get me a new
phone.
SH

He did not.

Did too!
SH

I’m not talking
to you.

Technically….
SH

Shut up. I’m
angry
with you.

What did I
do?
SH

You went to
meet a madman
by yourself.

I’m fine,
I promise.
SH

I was
worried.

I’m sorry.
SH

You selfish,
idiotic bastard!

I didn’t
mean to
upset you.
SH

You should
have thought
about that
earlier.

I’m sorry.
SH

I’m not
going to
forgive you.

-x-

Friends?
SH

Yes. Don’t
ever do that
again.

Not going to
promise that.
SH

Idiot.

Would you
rather I lied?
SH

I’d rather you
never did it again.

I’d prefer
not to have
Mycroft
interfering in
my life. Some
things you just
can’t get.
SH

Not the same
thing.

Very similar.
Love my
new phone.
Thank you.
SH

I’ll tell your
brother.

He didn’t
give it to me.
SH

How can
you be so
sure?

Mycroft
wouldn't
download
Scrabble for
me.
SH

Betrayed by
Scrabble….
Must be a
first.

Let’s play?
SH

Get ready
to be
humiliated.

HA!
SH

-x-

Rematch?
SH

You just can’t
get enough,
can you?

Shut up
and accept
the challenge.
SH

-x-

Did you do
something
to my coffee?

No. I’d never
do the same thing
twice. Why?
SH

I suspect it’s
decaf again.

Perhaps Mycroft
is worried about
your blood
pressure?
SH

He should
worry about
his own
bloody blood
pressure.

Bloody blood
pressure? You’re
such a poet.
SH

DECAF.

Don’t yell
at me, young
lady! It wasn’t
me, this time.
SH

Sorry.

Go to a café or
a coffee shop
or a pharmacy.
SH

You’re suggesting
self-medication?

Well, yes.
SH

No thanks. I
see coffee as
an asset.

I'm not
suggesting
shooting
up with a drug of
your choice.
I meant caffeine
tablets.
SH

With you, one
never knows.
I still prefer
coffee though.

Small joys
of life and so
on?
SH

Something like
that.

Then don’t
forget the
dark chocolate.
SH

Some of
your ideas
are wonderful.

Some?
SH

It’s the
closest you’ll
come to a
compliment
for a while, as I am
still upset with
you.

I said I’m sorry.
SH

-x-

Is this your
doing?

I don’t know
what you’re
talking about.
SH

The flowers.

No, not me.
Must be John.
SH

Stop it.

You know
I would if
I wanted to.
SH

You strange,
strange man.

Says the
woman who
works for
Mycroft.
SH

Don’t you
ever grow
tired of that?

I could ask
you the same
thing.
SH

Tell John
thank you
for the flowers,
but they won’t
make me
forgive his
idiotic flatmate
for his idiotic,
self-destructive
behaviour.

Not even
a litte?
SH

Well, maybe
a little bit….

-x-

How’s that
exploding
umbrella
coming along?

Badly. Do
you need
one?
SH

Like an
endothermic
reaction
needs energy.

I love
when you
speak
chemistry
to me.
SH

So that’s a
no on the
exploding
umbrella.

Unfortunately,
but I do know
someone who
does lovely
Semtex vests.
SH

Too soon.

I can give
you an
incriminating
photo from
our childhood?
SH

That’d be
wonderful.

Enjoy.
SH

Ohmygod! That’s
the most
adorable, yet
disturbing,
thing I’ve
ever seen!

Use it during
your next
salary
negotiation.
SH

Definitely.

-x-

Sherlock?

Case. No time.
SH

This is more
important.

Mycroft, give the
phone back to
your PA!
SH

Ha! He could
never work
my phone.

True. So
what's so
important?
SH

I forgive you.

Thank you.
That was more
important than
the case.
SH

Told you.

Chapter Text

Gess were
I am!

Certainly not in
English class.
SH

Funny. Guess!
Youll necer
guess!

Why should
I guess, then?
SH

Because thats
how guessing
works!

Guessing is
for weak
minds. Not to
mention that
I know where
you are.
SH

Orly?

Who are
you and what
have you
done to
Madeleine?
SH

Hi-mi-tsu!

Are you
enjoying
yourself?
SH

YES!

Good.
SH

Come on!
Guess!

Only because
John is boring.
Japan.
SH

More speific.

Sigh. Crown
Prince Naruhito’s
bed?
SH

Ha! That woulkd
lead to war.
Guess again

Didn’t stop
you in Sweden.
SH

Pic or it didnt
happen

I am the world’s
only consulting
detective. And by
the way, I still
haven’t forgiven
you for not
getting me
tickets.
SH

If you guess
better Ill get
you tickets
this year ;)

A winking face?
Really?
SH

Might be abit
tipsy

Understatement,
but go on.
SH

Cutieness is
contagoius. I’ve
never been
this pink in my
lif

Pink?
SH

Yu know,
lite red.

I know
what pink is.
SH

Girly, princess
color And its
all over me .
japanese woman
have an
superpwer
They turns
everthing cute!

Please mind
your language.
SH

Hushg!

No, honestly,
that text hurt
my eyes. How
drunk are you?
SH

Two pitcher
off Gand T. I
love this
cuntry.

I thought
you were on
a business trip.
SH

We are!

Is Mycroft
also indisposed?
SH

I hope so! Hes
in a diferent
room with the
men

How medieval.
SH

Not sexist.
Heiarcahl.

I think the
word you’re
looking for is
“hierarchal”.
SH

Mayhaps

Cute. Now
stop, I prefer
you when sober.
SH

I’m gay .

Really? Beats
being married
to Mycroft.
SH

I like beeing
maried to
mycroft

It’s the
alcohol talking.
SH

ポーニョ
ポーニョ
ポニョ
さかなの子

How’s the
Japanese going?
SH

Bettre then
ever!

How’s the
English coming
along, then?
SH

Hush

I imagine
you're at a
karaoke place.
SH

Havent I said
that already?

No. Now
get me tickets
to the Nobel
banquet.
SH

Ill see what I
cando.

You promised.
SH

I feel sic.

Gin and tonic
can do that.
SH

-x-

Get Madeleine
back to the
hotel.
SH

Who?
MH

Stop it. She’s
not feeling well.
SH

How do
you know that?
MH

Not important.
Take care of her.
SH

I’ll see to it.
MH

Get me
tickets to the
Nobel banquet.
SH

Good night,
Sherlock.
MH

It’s just 14:23
here in the Queen’s
backyard.
SH

I do hope
you're not
really anywhere
near the Queen.
MH

One never
knows. And do step
away from the
umeshu.
SH

-x-

Excited?

If I admit
that, it has to
stay between
us.
SH

Everyone
already knows.

In that case,
yes, I’m excited.
I don’t really
believe it yet.
SH

You do know
that it’s the
most boring
party ever?

They can’t
all be gin and tonic
pitcher parties….
SH

Oh ha ha.
Don’t forget
to put your
phone on silent.

What do you
take me for?
SH

You shouldn’t
bring your
phone at all,
you know.

Says the
woman who’s
glued to hers.
SH

Not the same
thing. Tell me
if you get
bored and
want to play
Scrabble.

Miss me?
SH

I don’t see
how your
being in Sweden
affects our
communicating
at all.

It’s more
expensive this
way.
SH

Neither of us
pays our phone
bill ourselves.

Touché.
Now stop
texting me.
It’s time to
get seated.
SH

Have a
wonderful
evening.

Thank you,
I will.
SH

-x-

The prince
is good-looking.
I can see why you
went there.
SH

Excuse me?

Pretty sure
he would match
all the pink from
Yokohama.
SH

Kawasaki,
but what?

The pink,
drunk version of
you would
look nice next
to the prince.
SH

I take it dinner
is over?

Yes. I’m
getting
Shechtman’s
autograph.
SH

Who’s the cute
one now?

I don’t know
what you’re
talking about.
SH

You’re like the
captain of
Team
Edward at
a Twilight
convention.

You know I
don't care
about sports.
SH

Not even you
could miss that
reference.

I wish I could.
SH

Don’t stalk the
poor man.

He signed
‘The microstructure
of rapidly
solidified Al6Mn’
for me!
SH

You mean
the article
you printed
in the hotel
lobby?

How else
would I get a
copy of a
27-year-old
article for
him to sign?
SH

Did you
take a picture
of the two
of you with
your phone
as well?

No.
SH

Ha! You did
too!

We talked
about the
interface
between
crystals and
liquids, and the
grooves that
aid nucleation.
SH

You lost me,
but I’m happy
you’re happy.

I’m not happy.
I am on fire!
SH

Scary.

No.
SH

Have some
champagne
and dance.

I find
these people
fascinating.
SH

Keep your
deductions
to yourself.

The Prime
Minister is
clearly suffering
from feelings of
inferiority
because
the Finance
Minister can
grow a ponytail
and he can’t.
SH

Play nice.

I’m not the
one manipulating
the system to
get more
housing benefits.
SH

Whatever you
do, don’t start
a discussion
about
government
benefits.

He should
have bought
Swiss chocolate
instead.
SH

Your
brother says,
and I quote:
“Remind
him I can’t
get him out
of prison in
Sweden.”

Tell him
to stick
something
somewhere.
SH

No. Just stay
out of trouble.

My theory
that the Physics
laureates were
overcompensating
for something
seems to be
incorrect.
SH

What?

Please. Three
men getting
awarded for
studying expansion?
Don’t tell me
the thought didn’t
cross your mind.
SH

It didn’t.

I don’t believe
you, but I was
incorrect.
At least
two of them
are very well
endowed .
SH

I don’t want
to know how
you found that
out.

Choosing a
weed as the
symbol of your
political party
feels like a
strange
statement.
SH

How much
champagne
have you had?

There’s a duck
in the corner .
SH

What ELSE
have you had?

Sherlock?

-x-

Dr Watson, why
isn't Mr Holmes
answering?

Let’s just say he’s
lost his phone
privileges. Who’s
asking?

The other Mr
Holmes’ assistant.

Tell Mycroft I’m
taking Sherlock
back to the hotel
now.

He’s not the
one asking. Is
he all right?

Yes. Don’t worry,
everything is fine.

Thank you. I hope
you had a pleasant
evening.

Yes, thank you. It
was extraordinary. A
once-in-a-lifetime
thing. At least I
hope so.

That can be
arranged.

Chapter Text

Is it within your
power to cancel
Christmas?
SH

Didn’t we
have this
conversation
last year?

And the year
before that.

Yes, and the
result was always
disappointing.
SH

I’m sorry to
say that I
haven’t been
promoted
to manage
religious holidays
yet.

Christmas is
hardly a religious
holiday.
SH

True.

So?
SH

Sorry, the
economy needs
the Christmas
shopping season.

Don’t blame
your incompetence
on the economy.
SH

Someone just
got moved
to the naughty
list.

So you’re filling
in for Father
Christmas now?
SH

No. I’m
his assistant.

Are you
saying Mycroft
is Santa? Because
I know that’s
not true.
SH

You do?

Yes, because
no matter what
fairy tale you
believe, Santa
Claus never
lived in London.
SH

Maybe that’s
what we want
you to think.

This is the strangest
conspiracy theory
I’ve ever heard of.
SH

I am the peacetime
propaganda minister,
remember?

Then use
your powers
for good and
cancel Christmas.
SH

What’s the magic
word?

Please.
SH

Sorry, the word
I was looking
for was ‘evanesco’.
Christmas is still on.

Now you’re just
being ridiculous.
SH

And you aren’t?

Would it surprise
you if I told you I’m
bored?
SH

Not at all, Sherlock.

-x-

Do I need
to get John a
Christmas
present?

Yes.

I figured. What
should I get him?
SH

That depends.

On what?
SH

On whether you’ve
fucked yet or not.

How vulgar.
SH

Oh, don’t be
such a prude!

I’m not a prude,
but you’re rather
crude.
SH

What a nice little
poem.

Yes, I do spend
my free time
butchering limericks
and haikus.
SH

I must say,
you do it well.

Thank you. What
should I get John?
SH

Well, have you
fucked yet?

Sorry, have you
made love yet?

I don’t see
why we ever
would.
SH

Oh, Sherlock.

Don’t ‘Oh,
Sherlock’ me.
I’d never take
him from you.
SH

I wish you would.

Why?
SH

Wouldn’t it
be wonderful
if one of us
weren’t married
to their work?

Have I missed
something? I
thought we
both liked our
marriages.
SH

I do.

I do too.
SH

Get John a
new kettle.

He has a kettle.
SH

You can always
blow it up
before Christmas.

That is a
possibility.
Thank you.
SH

You’re welcome.
Buy a new mug
as well.

-x-

What should
I get you from
your brother
this year?

Peace on
earth.
SH

Are you high?

Yes.
SH

Really?

Of course not.
SH

Are you sure?

Yes. John
makes sure of
it.
SH

I’ll arrange that
your brother
gets him
something nice.

That won’t be
necessary.
SH

Yes, it will. Do you
want anything
besides world peace?

There is this
scanning electron
microscope….
SH

How much?

That depends.
SH

That sounds
expensive.

The one I’m
looking at is
£ 57.000.
SH

That’s not
happening.

There are
cheaper ones.
SH

I have a feeling
we can’t fit any
of those into
our budget either.

Perhaps Bart’s
could get one?
SH

More plausible,
but don’t count
on it.

A private box
at the Royal Albert
Hall will be fine.
SH

That’s what I’ve
been getting you from
your brother since
I started. Where
is your originality?

But I like my box.
SH

Fine.

-x-

I got your gift
today. Thank you.

You’re welcome.
Don’t open it
until Christmas.
SH

That’s what you
do. Not me.

I don’t know
what you’re
talking about.
SH

-x-

Do you want
me to buy a
gift from you
for your brother?

No, thank you.
I’m managing on
my own this year.
SH

Is John forcing
you?

Yes.
SH

What are you
getting him?

An exploding
umbrella.
SH

-x-

I kissed John.
SH

That’s all I wanted
for Christmas!

That’s quite sad,
but don’t get your
hopes up. Mrs
Hudson put
up some mistletoe,
and who are we
to refuse her?
SH

Oh, Sherlock. You
sentimental ball
of fluffy Christmas
spirit.

Be quiet.
SH

For that, I think I’ll
get Mrs Hudson
a pair of diamond
earrings.

She’d prefer
a necklace.
SH

Maybe you should
buy her a necklace
then.

John has taken
care of that.
SH

That man is
amazing.

Quite.
SH

Kiss him again.

Don’t get
carried away.
SH

-x-

I’ve blown up
the kettle now.
SH

God. That wasn’t
a serious suggestion.

Nevertheless, it
worked very well.
He suspects nothing.
SH

I feel I need to
apologise to John.

-x-

Your brother
wants to know
if he should add
your name on
the gift he
bought for your
parents.

Did he buy it,
or did you buy it?
SH

He wants to know if
I should add your
name on the
gift I bought
after he picked
it out.

That sounds
more believable.
SH

Shall I add
your name?

If you do,
does it mean I
agree to spend
Christmas
with them?
SH

You’ll have to do
that anyway.

I’m a grown
man!
SH

So?

Fine. Put my
name on the gift.
SH

Done. The car
will pick you
up at 17:15 on
the 23^rd.

No.
SH

Yes.

No.
SH

You know I’ll
win.

I promised
John I’d spend
Christmas Eve
with him.
SH

The car will
pick you up
early on the
25^th.

-x-

You’re not
spending
today with John,
are you?

No, I’m sorry.
He’s with Harry.
SH

I’m going to
get you, Sherlock
Holmes! No one
who fools me goes
unpunished.

Are you going to
tell on me?
SH

No, that would be
too easy.

I have to spend
three days with
my family. That is
punishment
enough.
SH

Don’t be too sure.

How was your
flight?
SH

The in-flight WiFi
made it far less
relaxing than usual.

You love working.
SH

I do.

Don’t forget to
use sunblock.
SH

Worried I’ll get
melanoma?

Well, yes. I’m
sure you have the
statistics on
melanoma in
Australia.
SH

I do. We English
are not built for
that much sun,
are we?

No. Use sunblock.
SH

I will.

That’s all I’m
asking.
SH

-x-

Merry Christmas.

No, it’s not.
SH

Cheer up.

Not likely.
SH

Full of Christmas
spirit, aren’t we?

I’m a bubbling
bundle of joy.
SH

As always.

Drinking umbrella
drinks on the beach?
SH

Close. White wine on
a roof terrace.
Christmasy, isn't it?

Not really. More
than what I’m doing
though.
SH

I’m sure it’s not
that bad.

I’m sure you’re wrong.
SH

I’m never wrong.

-x-

Are you trying
to tell me
something?
SH

Opened the gift,
have we?

Yes.
SH

Do you like it?

That depends.
SH

On what?

On what you are
trying to tell me.
SH

Oh, Sherlock. Isn’t
it obvious?

Not really.
SH

You need to
practise. I’m
getting tired of
winning.

Don’t be absurd.
SH

I’m never absurd,
I’m always fabulous.
I like the brooch, by the
way.

Have you figured
out that you can open
it?
SH

Yes, of course. How
could I have
missed that?
Nothing says
Merry Christmas
like a secret place to
put poison.

I would
recommend
powders
over liquids.
SH

Isn’t this
redundant, since
you gave him
an exploding
umbrella?

It gave him
non-explosive
cufflinks. This
was my back-up
plan.
SH

Sneaky.

I guess you could
keep a caffeine pill
there, if you don’t
want to kill Mycroft.
SH

I don’t think it’s
big enough.

It is. I’ve checked.
SH

You’re sweet, in
your own odd way.

You too, I guess.
SH

You guess? You
never guess.

Are you being
difficult on purpose?
SH

Always. Now, take
the Scrabble I got
you, and go play
with your brother.

That would just
make your Christmas,
wouldn’t it?
SH

It would.

Chapter Text

Any New Year’s
resolutions?

Of course not.
SH

I should have
known.

Yes, you should
have.
SH

I blame jetlag.

Still?
SH

No, but that’s
the best excuse
I can come up
with right now.

Spending time
Down Under
has made you
soft. Or slow.
SH

Hush.

We can always
blame Mycroft….
SH

That’s too easy.

But so much fun.
SH

-x-

I hate winters
in London.

Would it be
better anywhere
else in the
Queendom?
SH

It’s still a kingdom,
even if we don’t
have a king at the
moment.

I find that
rather sexist.
Don’t you?
SH

Not really, no.
A queendom
with a king would
remain a
queendom, just
as our kingdom
remains a kingdom
even with Her
Majesty on the
throne.

Thank you for
that bit of
unnecessary
knowledge.
SH

Knowledge
about language
usage and forms
of government are
never unnecessary.

You’re very
wordy today.
SH

Thank you for
noticing.

You’re very
welcome.
SH

I still hate winters
in London.

I don’t know,
it has its moments.
SH

You mean rain,
cold and darkness?

You’d prefer
that it snow?
SH

God, no. Running
the city is hard
enough already.
Don’t even joke
about things
like snow.

You know, snow
can be rather
romantic.
SH

Romantic?

Yes, well, please
keep that
information to
yourself.
SH

Is there something
you're not telling me?
Are you keeping
secrets from
me, Sherlock?

No. Keeping
secrets is your
job, not mine.
SH

Among other
things. I spend
quite some time
revealing other
people’s secrets
as well.

No, that’s my
job. Stop being
greedy.
SH

I blame the rain.

-x-

Here you go, I
made it snow.
Just for you.

I’m not sure
it counts if it
doesn’t stay
on the ground.
SH

That’s ungrateful.
Do you have any
idea how hard it
is to make it snow
in London with
global warming?

Yes, I’m sure
it kept you up
all night.
SH

Just go out and
enjoy the snow
with John.

Why would I
do that?
SH

Because you
think it’s
romantic?

I don’t want
to be romantic
with John.
SH

That’s too bad.

Thank you
for the snow
though. I like it.
SH

-x-

What’s this
year's fireworks
budget?
SH

Not sure, but
I’m sure you
won’t be
disappointed.

I wanted to
be a pyrotechnic
engineer when I
was a child.
SH

For fireworks?
That’s so sweet!
You’ve never
told me that.

The manufacturing
of fireworks is
quite a fascinating
chemical process.
SH

I’ve never thought
about them that way.

Few people do.
It’s a fine art with a
long history.
SH

I’m surprised
that you haven’t
managed that
exploding umbrella
yet, if pyrotechnics
is such an interest
of yours.

If I wanted
Mycroft to go up
in a rain of
sparkling stars….
SH

Admit it, you’re
as protective of
him as he is of
you.

Not wasting my
time trying to kill
him makes me an
over-protective
nutcase?
SH

Yes. Especially
the nutcase
part is spot-on.

Maybe you’re
the one who
should get the
umbrella?
SH

I’ve always
imagined my
last moments
in a rain of
sparkling stars.

Would you
prefer silver or gold?
SH

Dealer’s choice.

Silver, then.
SH

Care to
explain
why?

Not much to
explain. Silver
suits you better.
SH

Gold doesn’t
suit me?

Gold in fireworks is
made of charcoal
and iron, the silver
of aluminium or
titanium. Ergo:
silver suits you better.
SH

Your compliments
are always so
complex.

My compliments
are never
compliments.
They are simply
observations.
SH

Then your
observations
are complex.

Yes, that’s my
job. I wouldn’t
be any good at
it if all I saw were
new shirts or
haircuts,
would I?
SH

True.

So, silver
would suit you
better than gold,
because it doesn’t
involve charcoal.
SH

I understood the first
time.Please
don’t kill me with
an exploding
umbrella.

I would never
do that. We’ll
make it rain
silver over you
in some other
way.
SH

I think I can
manage without,
but thank you
anyway.

-x-

Where are you
watching the
fireworks from
this year?

The same spot
as always.
SH

Is John with you?

No. He’s out
with his friends
from uni again.
Where are you?
SH

In your brother’s
official office.

Not still working,
I hope?
SH

No, I’m taking
a break. The view
is wonderful. With
recent events
in North Korea
I’m always
working.

Is Mycroft there
with you?
SH

No, he had to
rush over to
Foreign Office.
So we’re
both alone this
year.

Seems like it, yes,
but you can’t
make me believe
Mycroft rushed
anywhere. Waddled,
maybe.
SH

Don’t be like that.
You’re not cold,
are you?

No, I’ve
borrowed one
of John’s
jumpers.
SH

Is he aware
that you've
borrowed it?

No.
SH

Then you can't
call it ‘borrowing’.

He doesn’t
mind, he’ll be
glad I’ve taken
precautions against
pneumonia.
SH

He and I both.

Why does
everyone act as
if I can’t take
care of myself?
SH

Call it experience.

I don’t know
what you’re
talking about.
SH

I’ll explain when
you’re a bit older.

I’m older than you.
SH

You just have my
word for that. You
really shouldn’t
trust me.

Who says I do?
SH

Oh! It’s starting!

Yes, I noticed.
SH

The bell always gives
me goose bumps.

Happy New Year.
SH

Happy New Year.

And just so you
know— you're not
alone.
SH

Chapter Text

How can you
work for my
brother?
SH

Have you seen
his umbrella?

Yes.
SH

Then I don’t see
why you’re
asking me that.

Excuse me
while I poke my
eyes out with a
knitting needle.
SH

You don’t knit.

Mrs Hudson does.
SH

What has he done
this time?

Raised the import
taxes on fish
collagen.
SH

It’s not the taxes
as much as the
price itself that
has gone up.

But the taxes
have gone up.
SH

Yes. Would you like
me to bore you
with the details?

No, I want you
to make the price
go down again.
SH

And I wanted a
pony when I was
seven. We all
had vain hopes
and dreams when
we were young.

I’m older than you.
SH

I still can’t believe
you trust me on
that one.

I don’t trust you.
SH

Clever boy.

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

The benefits
are wonderful.

Liar. No
government
employee
has benefits
good enough to
make up for
having Mycroft
as a boss.
SH

What can I say?
I have a soft
spot for black
cars with tinted
windows.

Feeling silly
today, are we?
SH

Only when
talking to you.

I’m honoured.
SH

You bring out
the worst in me.

So you’ll make
him stop
screening my
cases, then?
SH

Oh, he’s not
the one doing
that.

Et tu, Madeleine?
SH

Always with the
drama. What is
it with the two
of you?

Don’t compare
me to Mycroft.
SH

It’s very hard
not to.

Try.
SH

No.

At least stop
screening my
cases!
SH

What do you say?

Stop screening
my cases, please.
SH

I’ll think about it.

You’re terrible.
SH

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

What’s he
done now?

Oh, don’t play
dumb. You know
exactly what he’s
done.
SH

I know a lot
of things he’s
done, but I’m
not sure which
one you’re upset
about right now.

Just make him
stop. He’s ruining
everything.
SH

Sherlock, I might
have superpowers,
but I can’t read
your mind through
text messages.

Just make him
stop sticking his
nose where it
doesn’t belong.
SH

His nose belongs
everywhere.

The nightmares
that image will
cause….
SH

I don’t know, I
find the thought
rather amusing.

From time to time,
your sense of
humour baffles
me.
SH

It’s just one of
the many things
about me that
intrigue you.

I find nothing
about you even
remotely interesting.
SH

I never thought
the day would
come when I’d
suggest you
should take
lessons in lying
from John. Now
I actually think
you could learn a
thing or two.

So you can
tell when I’m
lying, but you can’t
read my mind?
SH

Yes. It was such
an obvious lie.
Everything about
me is interesting.

Hardly.
SH

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

The decision is
final, Sherlock.
You’re going to
your mother’s
birthday party.

Oh, we’ll see
about that.
SH

The two of you
have bought a
hideous crystal
vase.

I’m sure she’ll
love it. Did you
sign the card for
us too?
SH

Of course. Your mother
has truly terrible taste.

Especially in men.
SH

Then we have that
in common.

Our father was
much worse than
Mycroft.
SH

I wasn’t referring
to your brother.

That’s something,
at least.
SH

The car will pick
you up at 11:15.

No, it won’t.
SH

You’re so cute when
you think you
have a choice.

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

Some people
start with ‘hello’.

Those people
are stupid.
SH

Polite doesn’t
necessarily mean
stupid.

Most social
rituals are there
to hide people’s
shortcomings.
SH

Saying ‘hello’ is not
one of those.

Fine.
SH

Hello. Lovely
weather, isn’t it?
Please tell my
brother that he can’t
reduce funding for
the winter shelters.
Sincerely yours,
Sherlock Holmes.

Not all the evil in
the world comes
from your brother.

This does.
SH

No, Sherlock, it
does not.

Is there
something he
could do about
it, then?
SH

No, I’m sorry.

Not as sorry as
the homeless will be.
SH

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

Would you like
me to make a list?

No, thank you.
I’m sure it
would just be
frustrating to
read about
your stupidity.
SH

Then stop asking
that question!

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

I’ve started to
wonder if there’s
a secret message
in that text.

There isn’t.
SH

We’re still in
Brussels, so
whatever it is,
your brother can’t
be responsible.

Oh, it was a
real question
this time. I’m
bored.
SH

You? Bored?
No, that can’t be.

Your sarcasm is
not amusing.
SH

I think so, and
you know I can’t
talk about my
job.

Indulge me.
SH

I always indulge
you, Sherlock.

So, why do
you work for
Mycroft?
SH

Don’t be jealous.
Your chromosomes
are still hotter.

I’m not jealous.
SH

Why do you
want to know,
then?

Is it so hard
to believe that
I’d like to know
about the start
of my friend’s
insanity?
SH

Not when you’re
bored, no.

Well, then.
SH

Isn’t it obvious
why I work
for your brother?

No, I think it’s
irrational.
SH

You know how
you feel about
a really clever
serial killer?

Of course.
SH

That’s how I
feel about
complex logistical
systems. And
economic
planning. And
political intrigue.

And people call
me a freak.
SH

Hush.

I get it though.
You're as insane
as he is.
SH

We share a lot
of ideas and
concerns, yes.

How did you
meet him?
SH

Usual way: girl
gets amazing
internship after
uni and impresses
boy with her work
during the Dublin riots.

And he just gave
you the job?
SH

No, he got me a
job in Frankfurt.

As a test?
SH

Of course.

I thought he’d
pick Brussels for
that sort of thing.
SH

Oh, that was the
second test. He’s
rather picky.

You seem to
have passed.
SH

Of course. I’m
that good.

Or just that
insane.
SH

Hush.

-x-

How can you
work for that
man?
SH

He brought you
into my life.

That shut you
up, didn’t it?

No, it didn’t.
SH

So you didn’t
answer for 20
minutes because
you and John
were snogging
on the sofa?

Don’t be absurd.
SH

You know I’m never
absurd. Silly, maybe.

Then don’t be silly.
SH

If I am, it’s your fault.
Still, you’re one of
the best things about
this job.

You’re one of the
best things about
Mycroft.
SH

Oh, so there are
other good things
then?

No. I guess you’re
the only good thing
about my brother.
SH

Oh, hush.

Chapter Text

Life is just too
good right now.

Shut up.
SH

A deerstalker!

I said, shut up.
SH

And I’m
ignoring that.

Do you have any
idea how hard
it is to work
when everyone
recognises me?
SH

Do you have any
idea how hard it
is for ME to work
when I can’t take
my eyes of this
adorable picture
of you in a
deerstalker?

Grow up!
SH

-x-

I hate people.
SH

What have they
done now?

They want me to
investigate things that
not even the police
could screw up.
SH

It’s the price of fame.

I never wanted
fame.
SH

You did too.

It’s all John’s
fault. He should
have to take the
boring cases.
SH

Sure, he’ll agree
to that.

Do you think so?
SH

No.

We should have
a rating system.
SH

You work on that.

You won’t help me?
SH

This is something
between you and
your boyfriend.

John is not my
boyfriend.
SH

Of course he isn’t.

This is tedious.
SH

You should see
this website
your brother
wants me to
look into. It’s
quite stimulating.

Not John’s blog,
I hope?
SH

No, though your
brother is almost as
annoyed about it
as you are.

Can’t he have
it shut down?
SH

‘British government
shuts down popular
blog due to disturbing
content.’ Yes, that’s
a headline we want
to see.

I’ll just have to
do it myself, then.
SH

Have fun!

-x-

You deleted your
analyses of tobacco
ash?

Yes.
SH

Pity.

You read it?
SH

Yes.

-x-

Where are you?

Bed.
SH

Ah, the life of the
self-employed.

I would support
you fully if you
decided to quit and
start your own
business.
SH

Where did John go?

Kindly spend our
tax revenue on
something other
than monitoring
my flat.
SH

Where’s John?

I thought you
were over your
obsession with
him.
SH

Doctor in uniform,
Sherlock, a girl
never gets over that.

I thought he
was Mycroft’s
boytoy?
SH

No, that’s Detective
Inspector Lestrade.

Your horror
stories are better
than Stephen King’s.
SH

Some things just
write themselves.
Where is John?

On his way to
a crime scene.
SH

Without you?

Boring case. A six.
SH

A six?

Our new rating
system. He takes
everything less than
a seven.
SH

He agreed to that?

I think I would
have noticed if
he disagreed.
SH

What’s the case?

I’m sure that my
brother's new toy
could get you a file
or something.
SH

Or you could tell me.

Why do you
want to know?
SH

I need to know
where to pick
him up.

I don’t have the
exact coordinates.
DI Carter is on the
case. Dead hiker.
SH

Thank you. Then I think
we need a helicopter.

I’m not sure if
that’s more amusing
or disturbing.
SH

You don’t have to
decide right now.

How magnanimous
of you.
SH

I know.

I should get out
of bed.
SH

You probably should.
And get dressed.

Why?
SH

Oh, just some
friendly advice.

-x-

How old are you?

He started it.
SH

Behave. Or I’ll
tell him about the
ashtray.

I’m taking the
case, isn’t that
enough?
SH

If you find the
pictures, will you
show me?

If?
SH

Sorry, when.

You could
find better lesbian
porn if you hacked
John’s computer.
SH

I’m sure I have
better lesbian
porn on my phone.
That’s not why I
want to see them.

I think I’ll show
my brother these
texts.
SH

You would never.

No, I wouldn’t.
Now, stop disturbing
me, I have royal
pornography to
hunt down.
SH

Good luck.

I don’t need luck.
SH

-x-

Dr Watson, he’s
not answering.
Is he all right?

Are we talking about the drugs or the Americans?

Sorry about that.

You’re sorry? Well, that makes it all fine!

I apologise. Is
Sherlock all right?

They held a GUN to my head!

Mr Holmes is
handling it.

Fuck off.

Please, Dr Watson.
Is he all right?

He will be.

Again, we do
apologise. We
never anticipated
this.

-x-

Tell my brother
that this is the
last time I do
anything for him.
SH

John has already
expressed his
concerns.

Concerns? Those
imbecilic Americans
held a gun to his
head and threatened
to shoot him!
SH

I’m sorry.

No.
SH

What do you
want me to do?

There is nothing
you can do.
SH

I’m sorry, Sherlock.
Don’t you think
we'd have told you
if we knew?

No.
SH

I’m sorry.

-x-

Are you going
to be angry
with me forever?

I’m not angry.
That would be a
waste of energy.
SH

Are you ever
going to forgive
me?

Time will tell.
SH

I’m sorry.

They held a gun
to John’s head.
Sorry is not
enough.
SH

I know.

They would have
killed him if I’d
got it wrong.
SH

You don’t get
things wrong.

What if I had?
SH

You didn’t.

What if I had?
SH

God, I’m sorry,
Sherlock.

Withholding
information is
something I
expected from
Mycroft.
SH

I didn’t know
they would be
there! You have
to believe me.

I don’t have
to do anything.
SH

-x-

You can’t ask Santa
for “a nice juicy
murder”.

Reading John’s
blog, are we?
SH

Getting the report
from the police.

But yes.

Please stop.
SH

You’re still getting
texts from Ms
Adler?

That is none of
your business.
SH

She blackmailed
the Royal Family.

I’d hardly call it
blackmail.
SH

You shouldn’t be
in contact with her.

Jealous?
SH

No.

Worry about
controlling the
foreign assassins
you allow to run
wild in our streets,
instead of caring
about who I get
texts from.
SH

Fine.

I swear, you’re
getting more
and more like
Mycroft.
SH

-x-

What do you
want from your
brother for
Christmas?

Privacy.
SH

What do you
want from me?

The same?
SH

Fine.

-x-

Was it her?

He made a positive
identification.
MH

How is he?

He has John.
MH

-x-

I’m sorry, Sherlock.

Why? Has an
American held
a gun to John’s
head again?
SH

Are you all right?

John messed up
my sock index.
SH

-x-

Is he all right?

No.

Did you find
anything?

No.

His Victorian
stationary box
has a false
bottom.

Damn. How did you know?

His brother has
one like it.

Dare I ask what he keeps there?

Chocolate.

Better than this.

Yes. Take care
of him.

I try.

-x-

Sherlock?

No.
SH

-x-

Are you all right?

-x-

Is he all right?

I don’t know.

Take care of him.

Of course.

Thank you.

-x-

How could you
let this happen?
SH

What? What
happened?

You’re supposed
to watch our flat!
SH

You asked us to
stop. What
happened?

You never listen!
Your CIA thugs
attacked Mrs
Hudson!
SH

Oh, God! Is she all
right?

Yes, no thanks
to you. Why are
they still in the
country?
SH

I’m sorry, I can’t
tell you that.

You owe me that
explanation.
SH

I can’t.

Gun to John’s
head. Attacked
Mrs Hudson. Tell
me why they are
here.
SH

I’m sorry.

-x-

Ms Adler is
still alive?

Stop reading
John’s blog.
SH

Are you all right?

Stop asking that
question.
SH

Answer it!

Get rid of the
CIA agents.
SH

-x-

Ms Adler, leave
Mr Holmes alone.

Which one?

Preferably both.

Pick one.

Sherlock.

How sweet.
Jealous?

-x-

She’s here.
SH

Be careful.

Are the CIA
agents gone?
SH

No.

Then she stays.
SH

Do you tell me
these things
just to
upset me?

I don’t know.
Maybe.
SH

Be careful.

-x-

He’s not angry
with you.

I’m angry with
myself.
SH

It’s not completely your
fault. If I’d told you
what was going
on, this would never
have happened.

I should have
figured it out.
SH

If I’d just seduced
you first, this would
never have happened.

Yes, you’re right.
This is all your fault.
SH

I’m sorry I didn’t
tell you everything.

I’m sorry I
compared you
to Mycroft.
SH

Friends again?

Friends.
SH

-x-

I have something
you might be
interested in.

Oh?
SH

She’s being held
captive in Karachi.

Keeping track of
The Woman, are we?
SH

After what she
did to you and your
brother, of course I am.

That’s a bit
overprotective,
don't you think?
SH

No.

So this is the
end for Ms Adler.
SH

If you’d like to
change that, I
have plane
tickets and a
false passport
for you. Though I’d
advise against it.

Does Mycroft know?
SH

Yes.

Does he approve?
SH

Not entirely.

Can you make sure
John doesn’t find out?
SH

I’ll see to that.

Thank you.
SH

Be careful.

Of course.
SH

-x-

It went well.
SH

‘British government
saves woman
screwing Royal
Family over.’

We’ll keep that
out of the papers.
SH

Thank you.

-x-

John is truly
terrible at lying.
SH

Give him credit
for even trying.

He should know
better than to try
to lie to me.
SH

He loves you and
wants to protect
you.

I thought that
was your job.
SH

My job involves
filling planes with
dead bodies and
rescuing terrorists
from terrorists.

So the love and
protection are
delegated to John?
SH

No, those are my
hobbies.

It’s better than
philately.
SH

Hush.

Chapter Text

Smoking kills.

Perhaps I’m suicidal.
SH

No, you admire
yourself too much.

It’s easy to admire
me.
SH

I think you’re
confusing yourself
with me.

Hardly.
SH

-x-

You’re making
smoking indoors
illegal in order to
make me quit?
SH

Yes, everything
the government
does revolves
around you.

Oh, ha ha.
SH

Run out of
arguments
already? I’m a
bit disappointed.

Shut up.
SH

You know, this
might be a good
time to consider
quitting.

See! It’s not
paranoia when
it’s true.
SH

In your case Big
Brother is always
watching, isn’t he?

You’ve wanted to use
that for a while,
haven’t you?
SH

Since the first
time I texted you.

Glad we got it
out of the way,
then.
SH

-x-

Smoking can make
you impotent.

That wouldn’t be
the worst thing
in the world.
SH

You don’t want
to have children?

Certainly not.
Not that being
impotent would
prevent me from
fathering a child.
SH

It would make it
harder though.

Pun intended?
SH

Not really. Why
don't you want
children?

Why should I
want children?
SH

I don’t know.

See, there is no
logical reason to
want children. Do
you want children?
SH

Yes. Someday.

Why?
SH

Would you think
less of me if I said
‘because’?

So, no other
reasons besides
biology and social
pressure?
SH

No.

That doesn’t make
me think less of
you. Your inability
to verbalise it might,
though.
SH

Hush.

-x-

Nicotine patches
for Christmas?
Really?
SH

You’re welcome!

I’m not thanking you.
SH

You should. You’ll
live longer.

If I thank you?
SH

Yes. And if you
don't smoke.

I don’t know which
sounds less
appealing.
SH

-x-

I can fit four
patches on
my forearm.
SH

That can’t be
healthy.

84 mg of nicotine
won't kill me.
SH

It might! Take
them off!

No. The clarity
is amazing.
SH

Are you high?

No, but two more
patches and I
might get there.
SH

This was not how
I meant for the
patches to be used.

Why haven’t I
done this earlier?
It’s much more
efficient.
SH

Remove the
patches!

You’d rather have
me smoking?
SH

No!

Make up your mind.
SH

Stop. Using. Nicotine.

I need it for
my work.
SH

You really don’t.

I really do.
SH

-x-

Have you ever
smoked anything
other than cigarettes?

No.
SH

If I promise not to
tell your brother,
would that change
your answer?

Yes.
SH

What have you
smoked?

I honestly can’t say.
SH

That’s rather
disturbing.

It’s not like it’s
cocaine.
SH

You say that far
too casually.

Those cigarettes
are looking pretty
good now, aren’t
they?
SH

Yes, but stop that too.

I don’t smoke
any more.
SH

Really?

Really. I just
use the patches.
Far more efficient.
SH

Sherlock….

-x-

It was a mistake
to move in with
a doctor.
SH

Does he obstruct
your self-abusing
lifestyle?

Yes.
SH

Good for him!

But not for me.
SH

Yes, it’s good for
you too.

I need the nicotine
so I can think.
SH

No you don’t.

If I put patches
under my shirt,
he won’t see them.
SH

I’ll tell on you.

Then I’ll just
have to put them
where he won’t
dare to look.
SH

Just stop with
the damn patches!

-x-

Hypocrite.
SH

What?

You smoke.
SH

I do not.

Don’t lie to me.
I have pictures.
SH

What pictures?

December, 2007,
Lisbon. Does that ring
a bell?
SH

The treaty signing?
I did not smoke
during the treaty
signing.

But during the
party afterwards...
SH

Oh. How did you
get those pictures?

Case.
SH

Of course. I don’t
smoke. At least
not when I’m sober.

As I said: hypocrite.
SH

No, it’s not the
same. I don’t
smoke. I haven’t
smoked since 2009.

Right.
SH

-x-

John’s unreasonable!
SH

Why this time?

He could be
the poster boy
for Smoking Kills.
SH

That’s one of my
best propaganda
campaigns. It’s
almost as if it’s
true.

I’m surrounded
by health nuts!
SH

Poor thing.

I’m a grown man!
I’ll smoke if I
want to.
SH

It’s my party and
I'll cry if I want to,
cry if I want to, cry
if I want to.

What are you
talking about?
SH

I’m singing.

The melody got
lost on the way.
SH

Hush. I thought
you’d stopped
smoking and were
using those
horrible patches.

I hadn’t had a
cigarette in eight
months when
Mycroft gave me
one.
SH

Yes, blame your
brother, that’s
constructive
as usual.

I’m not blaming
him. I like smoking.
If anything, you
and John should
blame him and I
should thank him.
SH

Idiot.

-x-

Have you been
talking to John?
SH

The sexy army
doctor who isn’t
your boyfriend?

Do you really
think he’s attractive?
SH

Not in the obvious
in-your-face kind of
way, but you need
to understand what
the combination of
uniform and doctor
does.

I’m starting to realise
that there is some
significance to that.
SH

Finally!

Have you talked
to him?
SH

Yes. We conspire
to remove nicotine
from your life.

Aren’t conspiracies
supposed to be secrets
SH

You’re you, and he
might be England’s
worst liar. I’m not
telling you anything
you don’t already know.

True, you’re still
going to fail.
SH

See it as an
experiment!

Dull.
SH

A challenge?

Still dull. I can
stop whenever
I want to.
SH

I bet you can't.

Prepare to lose.
SH

Chapter Text

Have I won our
bet yet?

You’re not going
to win anything.
SH

So staying away
from cigarettes
is going well?

It’s going great.
SH

Are you sure?

My self-control
is infallible.
SH

So I’ll just ignore the
text offering to trade
me John for a pack
of cigarettes, shall I?

Please do that.
SH

-x-

CCTV is picking
up something
disturbing.

I told you to remove
the camera from
Mycroft’s bedroom.
SH

No, you didn’t
tell me that.

For your own
sanity, you should.
SH

Are you kidding me?
It’s the best free
porn I’ve ever seen.

As if riding the Tube
wasn't nauseating
enough....
SH

That’s the disturbing
thing. What are you
doing on the Tube
covered in blood?

None of the cabs
would take me.
SH

Because of the
blood or because
of the harpoon?

They didn’t specify.
SH

Imagine that.

People are too
sensitive when
it comes to blood.
SH

How did you get
that much on yourself?

Experiment.
SH

Tss. It’s a bit upsetting
that no one has
called the police.

I’ve told you,
people are
unobservant
idiots.
SH

See, that’s a
thing you have
told me.

I think I made
a child cry by
looking at it.
SH

Don’t call a child
“it”, Sherlock!

Oh, what does
it matter?
SH

Never mind. No
explanation will
ever convince you.

Are you implying
I’m stubborn?
SH

Have you met yourself?

Yes, I’m delightful.
SH

I don’t think you
know what that
word means.

Of course I do.
SH

Do you really
get motion-sick
on trains?

No, only on sailboats.
The Tube is simply
unpleasant.
SH

Is that what put
an end to your
dreams of becoming
a pirate?

I’m going to kill
Mycroft. And pirates
use ships, not boats.
I would have been
fine.
SH

What made you
change career paths?

Besides the
shortage of job
opportunities for
pirates?
SH

Yes, besides that.

Police incompetence.
SH

Please elaborate.

Carl Powers.
SH

Hm.

What?
SH

Moriarty has had
a huge impact on
your entire life.

He hasn’t. The
police would be
incompetent with
or without him.
SH

Be nice.

Baker Street
Station! Finally!
SH

Send me a picture
of John’s face
when you walk in.

Find something else
to distract you
from your work.
SH

That camera in
your brother’s
bedroom?

You’re a sick
woman.
SH

-x-

My kingdom for
a smoke!
SH

You don’t have
a kingdom to
give away.

I’ll find one!
SH

Is your amazing
self-control not
working anymore?

Shut up!
SH

You could always
give up and let me
win the bet.

Never.
SH

Good for you.

I’ve been tricked,
haven’t I?
SH

Yes. It’s for your
own good.

Cruel woman.
SH

Only because I
care about you.

-x-

Getting a bit of
fresh air, are we?

It’s inevitable,
I suppose.
SH

It’ll do you good.

The case will do
me good.
SH

The glowing rabbit?

Where do you
find the time to
lurk on my website?
SH

It’s part of my job
description after your
encounter with Moriarty.

And John’s blog?
SH

That’s for fun.

It’s not the rabbit.
SH

If you find one,
could you bring
me one?

A glow-in-the-
dark rabbit?
SH

Yes.

I could make you
a glow-in-the-
dark rabbit, if
you’d like one.
SH

Really?

It’ll take some
time, I’ve only
ever spliced GFP
into E. Coli before,
but this can’t be that
much harder.
SH

You’d make me a
sci-fi pet? That’s
so sweet!

It’s not science
fiction, it’s very
real. Though I can
only make it green.
SH

I love green.

No, you don’t.
SH

I can learn to
love it.

You seriously
want me to do it?
SH

I’d rather have a
green rabbit than
an exploding
umbrella.

Don’t be silly,
everyone wants
an exploding
umbrella.
SH

-x-

What’s at Baskerville?
SH

I thought you said
it wasn’t about the
rabbit?

It isn’t, but that’s
interesting. Why is
the military making
GFP mutated rabbits?
SH

I can honestly say
I don’t know.

It seems like a
complete waste
of money.
SH

It probably is.

What are they
doing more than
second year genetics
research?
SH

Where would the
fun be if I told you?
It isn’t like you
to take shortcuts.

You’re right. I’m
getting lazy.
SH

Good thing I look
out for you, then.

-x-

Are you deliberately
trying to make me
look stupid?

Probably not.
SH

I had to inform
your brother about a
security breach
at Baskerville.

23 minutes, you're
getting slow.
SH

Then I had to tell
him that the card
used to get in was
his card. That I
was supposed
to have blocked.

I’m glad you didn’t.
SH

Then I had the
pleasure of telling
him that I knew who
caused the breach,
and that I hadn’t told
him you were in
Dartmoor asking
questions about
Baskerville.

Are you fired yet?
SH

Oh, piss off!

I solved the
Bluebell case.
SH

Hallelujah!

If I describe how
John pulled rank
to get us in, will you
forgive me?
SH

No.

He saluted.
SH

And he liked it.
SH

You’re a terrible
storyteller.

I’m a wonderful
storyteller. He
flashed his
credentials.
SH

Stop! You’re ruining
it! I want to leave this
to my imagination.

Have I found
your Achilles heel?
SH

You’re very slow,
sometimes.

What do you mean?
SH

Never mind. Did
you like his
pulling rank?

It came in handy.
SH

I know something
else that comes
in a hand.

I’m ignoring what
you’re implying.
SH

Whatever works
for you.

-x-

I think you’d
like Henry.
SH

Not Henry Knight?

You know who he is?
SH

I tend to know
the nuts who like
drawing attention
to government
secrets.

Like you, my dear
Sherlock.

I’m a genius.
Not a nut.
SH

If you say so.

We’re going
out to the moor
tonight to see
if anything attacks
Henry.
SH

I stand corrected,
you’re not a nut at all….

-x-

Did you get attacked?

You haven’t been
eaten, have you?

Sherlock, I’m getting
worried over here.

-x-

I upset John.
SH

What did you do?

I don’t really know.
SH

Where is he now?

On a blind date with
Henry’s therapist.
SH

Why?

I told him.
SH

Look at you, being
a matchmaker. Is
that why he’s upset?

No.
SH

What happened
tonight, Sherlock?

I don’t know.
SH

Are you all right?

There’s nothing
wrong with me.
SH

Talk to me.

I’m afraid.
SH

John will forgive
you. Don’t worry.

It’s not that.
SH

But are you sure?
SH

Yes. And what are
you afraid of, if not
that?

I’m going mad. I
saw Henry’s hound.
SH

It exists?

That’s the thing,
isn't it? It can’t exist,
but I saw it.
SH

Is withdrawal
causing you to
hallucinate?

It’s nicotine. Not
cocaine.
SH

Do you have a
better idea of
why you saw
something you
couldn’t have seen?

No, but I’ll figure it
out.
SH

We can put the bet
on hold, if you’d like.

I’ve already lost it.
SH

Before tonight?

No.
SH

Then it doesn’t count.

I did see something.
SH

I believe you.

I just need a what,
a how, and a why.
SH

Only that?

You’re really not
helping right now.
SH

I’m sorry.

John won't leave.

-x-

The sugar!
SH

Yes?

-x-

Were you planning
on telling me you
have Moriarty in
custody?
SH

No. I wasn’t.

Why?
SH

For the same reason
I didn't tell you
about Bond Air.

Queen and country?
SH

Queen and country.
Your brother told
you when you called?

Oddly enough, yes.
SH

What did you bribe
him with to get
access to Baskerville?

Oh, a little of this, a
little of that.
SH

Fine, be mysterious
if it pleases you.
What are you
planning to do?

A laboratory
experiment.
SH

I’m sure there are
labs that don’t require
putting yourself
in your brother’s
debt.

Not close enough
to Dartmoor, and
time is of the essence.
SH

Why?

I drugged John.
SH

What?!

The sugar. That’s
the only explanation.
SH

You drugged John?

He’ll be fine. He’s
in the lab, I’m controlling
the environment.
SH

You drugged John!

Did you know
Lestrade’s first
name is Greg?
SH

And he changes the
subject…. Yes, I knew
that. You didn’t?

No.
SH

That’s ignorant,
even for you.

Was it you or
Mycroft who sent
him here?
SH

Call it a
collaboration.

What’s his
relationship
with my brother?
SH

Are you afraid he’ll
break his heart?

I’m more
worried about
Lestrade’s heart.
SH

Would it bother
you if they were in
a relationship?

You know it would,
but if Mycroft finds
someone who can
stand him, I suppose
it wouldn’t be the
end of the world.
SH

That’s so sweet! I think.

It looks like I need
to call John. He’s
locked himself in
a cage.
SH

What!?

Don’t think for
a second we’re
done with this
topic!

Either of them!

-x-

How’s John?

He’ll be fine.
SH

-x-

It was fantastic!
SH

Sherlock, it’s 4 a.m.

I can’t sleep.
Too exited!
SH

I don’t care.

It wasn’t the
sugar. It was the
fog! The fog!
SH