Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

i)

Boiled potatoes were delicious with the right herbs, the right sauces and accompaniments, and at the right times, but when a person eats them twice a day for a week, they become somewhat lacking in every aspect. Sasha made this fact well known with a groan as she gently knocked her forehead against the stone wall, the scratched dish in her hands clanking against the metal sink with the motion. Even she was tired of boiled potatoes, despite being known for her fondness for them. She felt the dish be snatched out of her hands, and felt a familiar presence besides her.

“Moping won’t get us anywhere,” Connie grumbled, scrubbing the plate a little more vigorously than necessary, “There’s been shortages because of infertile soil from the titans. Not much we can do. Though it kinda sucks.”

“You mean really sucks,” Sasha corrected indignantly, picking up another dish and washing it with less fervor than her squadmate. “I’m hungry all the time, it’s hard to focus.”

“Make sure you don’t fuck up during training, or Captain Levi will be on your ass. That’s the last thing you want.”

“I’ll be on whose ass now, Springer?”

Connie and Sasha both yelped in unison, standing ramrod straight in an instant, a messy salute thrown towards the new entrance at the doorway to the kitchen, the dishes discarded and forgotten in the water behind them.

“Sir!”

“At ease, idiots, I just came to see how you were getting on with the cleaning.” Levi pushed himself off from where he was leaning on the doorframe and made his way over, observing the pile of cleaned dishes and the remaining few in the sink. He frowned, but made no comment, stepping back to let them continue. In the tense and slightly awkward silence, Connie and Sasha resumed their chore, uncertain of whether or not to ignore Levi’s sudden and persistent presence. After a few strained moments, Levi cleared his throat.

“Both of you, meet me here tomorrow at five in the morning. No need to gear up, but make sure you shower and put on clothes that don’t smell like shit. And don’t be late, or you’ll be lapping the base for the rest of the day. Understood?”

Sasha felt her heart sink, and saw Connie’s face fall. Regardless, they both offered another salute, and a dejected but steady, “Yes, Sir!”

-

“Why do you think he wants us down here?”

“Obviously it’s a punishment for talking instead of working yesterday. You know how the Captain is.”

“But he didn’t seem too mad! And our dishwashing was up to par, right? Otherwise he’d have chewed us out there and then!”

“Who cares,” Connie stifled a yawn and blinked away remnants of sleep from his eyes, “it’s too early for anything, punishment or not. I’m beat and the day hasn’t even started.”

The two soldiers fell silent as they neared the kitchen, and both unconsciously corrected their posture and straightened their clothing, apprehension rising in the air around them, buzzing with nerves. Was the Captain going to make them clean out the entire kitchen again? Or was he going to deny them breakfast? Sasha nearly whimpered at the possibility, but gulped down any anxiety before entering the kitchen.

Levi was already there, standing before the counter with a variety of burlap sacks. He had his back to them, his arm moving in a repeated motion as he scrubbed the wooden worktop. He didn’t look up as he said,

“You arrived with one minute to spare. Lucky, or you’d both be out in the rain by now.” Connie swallowed hard, and cast a worried glance to Sasha.

“Um, Captain, if I may,” she began hesitantly, “what did you call us down here for?” Silence blanketed the kitchen as Levi finished wiping the counter, discarding the cloth into a sudsy bucket, before turning to face them. His expression was neutral - or as neutral as it could be, considering his face was stuck in a permanent frown - as he took in his two subordinates standing anxiously in the doorway.

“When you complain loudly, expect people to hear,” Levi stated, making both soldiers tense up, but there was no bite to his tone. “You’re not satisfied with boiled potatoes, I gather, so I thought we could explore our other options.”

“Huh?” Sasha said dumbly, at the same time that Connie asked,

“Excuse me, Sir, but what does that mean, exactly?”

“It means we’re making breakfast. Now get over here. Sasha, fire up the stove with the timber in the storage closet. Connie, take the flowers out of that bag and start separating them from their leaves.”

Dumbfounded by the lack of bitter comments or insults, Sasha immediately began to move, unbolting the heavy door at the back of the kitchen and heading into the dark closet to collect kindling and logs, whilst Connie opened the sack closest to him and peered inside, being greeted with a pile of bright yellow flowers, freshly picked. He picked one up gently by the stem, turning it in his fingers and examining the rough texture of the leaves, noting the drops of morning dew still resting on the flowerhead.

“Marigold.” Levi supplied simply, and Connie glanced over his shoulder to where the Captain appeared to be slicing up potatoes. Great, so they hadn’t escaped potatoes. “Bring it over here and separate the flowers and the leaves from the stems. The stems can go in that empty box.” He gestured to said box on the floor by his feet, moving over slightly to make room for Connie on the counter next to him. Hesitant and a little suspicious, Connie did as he was instructed, beginning to strip the leaves from the marigold stems, making a haphazardly pile. Levi tutted. “Do it carefully.”

“Yes, sir!” Connie began to work more slowly, taking care as he peeled the flowers apart, still clueless as to why. He could hear Sasha setting up the stove, and the roar of flames coming to life, offering a warmth to the small kitchen.

Levi finished chopping a potato, moving on to peel the next.

“Don’t just stand there,” He shot a quick look to Sasha, who was standing stiffly by the now-crackling stove. “Get us some honey from the jars in that box,” he pointed to the corner of the kitchen, where a stack of crates lay against the wall, usually full of vegetables, “and bring some grains too, anything will work.”

A quiet peace settled across the room as the three worked on their independent tasks, the occasional spit of the flames and the shifting of wood in the heat piercing the calm, Levi’s knife smoothly slicing through potatoes, and then carrots, and then onions. The crisp sound of the leaves of marigold peeling away from the stem, the gentle smell of woodsmoke, and the shiver of grains being tipped into a pan. Connie found himself relaxing, his shoulders dropping, whilst Sasha began to hum to herself as she sorted through ingredients.

After some time, Levi set down his knife and stepped away, revealing a pile of uniformly cut vegetables on the counter, before donning a barely-stained apron from the hook on the door and setting an empty pot on the stove.

“Sasha, the honey.”

“Yes, Sir!” She moved to hand the jar over, but Levi held out a hand to stop her.

“You can do it.” He said, making room for her at the stove, and Sasha sidled up next to him, casting a few worrisome glances his way, before unscrewing the lid of the honey and tipping the jar upside down. Nothing happened, and she saw Levi huff a sigh. “No, idiot, it’s crystallised. Come on, you know about preserves. Didn’t you come from a hunting family?” Sasha nearly dropped the jar in surprise.

“You know about my family?” They stared at each other for a moment, before she hastily added a “sir” to her question.

“Of course I do.” Levi said it as if it was obvious, looking at her like she had just failed the most basic exercise in training.

“Um, excuse me for questioning you, Sir, but, why?” Sasha stumbled over her words, still holding the honey jar upside down.

“You’re a part of my squad. Wouldn’t it be more surprising if I didn’t know?” Levi raised a brow, casting an exhausted glance at the unmoving honey, before walking across the room to where a variety of kitchen utensils were kept in draws, rummaging around in search of something. Sasha sent a shocked, albeit touched, look towards Connie, who had stilled in his herbal preparation to listen in on Levi’s words. Levi sighed. “Can't find a spoon. I keep telling Hange and your squadmates to put things back in some form of order, but their heads are too full of shit to listen.”

“Oh, there’s one on the top shelf, let me-” Connie muttered, leaning up past Levi to grab a wooden spoon, before freezing as he realised the implications of his comment. He cast a fearful glance to Levi, who huffed out a breath, before taking the utensil from him.

“Thank you.”

Connie looked at Levi as if he’d died and come back to life before his eyes. He didn’t think he’d ever heard the Captain thank someone before, never mind one of his inferiors. His eyes were glued to Levi as he headed back to Sasha, ordering her to hold the jar still whilst he scooped golden crystals from the jar, dropping them into the pan. They hissed softly as they hit the heat, bringing forth an immediate sweet aroma.

“First, we heat up the honey until it goes back to being soft. Sasha, you keep a watch on this and add more as you think is needed. Connie, are the marigolds done? Good. Where are the grains?”

As Levi bustled about the kitchen, he talked quietly, narrating what he was doing. Taking the grains and tipping them into the heating honey, stirring them gently with the spoon, stoking the fire, taking out a new pot and pouring in a sparse amount of vegetable oil. Connie didn’t remember the last time he had seen someone use oil in a dish.

“Alright. The sun is starting to rise so we need to move our asses. Connie, this pot here is for pottage. I assume you’re at least aware of how it’s made?” With a nod from the younger soldier, Levi stepped back, “Good. Sasha, when the grains form a batter, you dip the marigold flowers into them to fry them. They need to be crispy, not burnt. Got that?” Sasha sent an affirming noise his way. “Good. I’m going to use the marigold leaves and some of the cold leftovers to make a salad. The rest of the idiots upstairs should wake up soon, so let’s get this done quickly.”

And so they cooked, forming a small system of helping each other out and working around one another, the atmosphere relaxing and cozy. Within fifteen minutes, Eren and Jean had appeared at the door, noses having led them to the source of the sweet smell of honey and simmering vegetables.

“Woah! This is way more than we usually get, what’s the occasion?” Eren exclaimed, hands bunched up in excitement as he began poking around the kitchen, with Jean peering over his shoulder in a similar fashion. Levi took the cloth from the bucket and squeezed it out, before flicking it threateningly at the two intruders.

“None of your business. Get out and clean the table.”

“Yessir!” Eren yelped, catching the cloth and scarpering after Jean. Sasha heard the two of them shoving each other as they pushed chairs around and cleaned in preparation for breakfast. More voices joined the bickering in the dining hall as Armin and Mikasa came downstairs, and soon enough the base was in full swing.

“That should do it.” Levi looked at the wooden bowl of salad before him, dotted with leftover marigold flowers and leaves, and long strips of carrot thinly sliced with the knife. “You can take those off the heat now, Sasha, they look done. Grab some bowls, let’s serve the pottage and salad first whilst the crispy marigolds cool.”

Obediently, Sasha and Connie plated up the food, calling through to their squadmates to settle down for breakfast. They were met with excited eyes and exhales of relief as they served something that wasn’t boiled potatoes, and the two basked in the praise as their friends thanked them with fervor. Jean and Eren spared no time, seeming to compete at who could shovel the food down their throats the fastest.

“This is actually good,” Jean mumbled around a mouthful of pottage, “I take back everything I’ve ever said about you two being stupid.”

“No, they’re still idiots,” Armin said matter-of-factly, though humour laced his tone as he drank the broth from his bowl.

“Idiots who can cook!” Eren added, grinning widely at Sasha and Connie.

“You guys…” Connie said, abashedly, rubbing the back of his neck. Sasha fiddled with her hands as she blushed lightly, taken aback by the praise enough that it distracted her from leaping for a plate of her own.

“Well, really, it was Captain Levi.” She said all of a sudden, silencing the hall and setting everyone’s eyes on the aforementioned Captain, who had just reappeared from the kitchen with a bowl of his own. He stared at his onlookers, before skulking to the back of the table and beginning his meal in silence. When no one resumed talking, he looked up with mild exasperation.

“Don’t just gawk, stupid brats, eat it before Sasha gets her grubby hands on it.” Sasha made an indignant noise, before snatching a bowl and beginning to stuff herself. Levi’s comment got some chuckles from the squad, and the easy atmosphere returned to the table.

“Seriously, thank you Captain,” Connie said, shooting a hesitant grin to Levi at the opposite end of the table, “this was a really good idea.”

“Mmph!” Sasha agreed, eyes sparkling at the flavourful food, seemingly rendered speechless as she spooned seconds into her bowl.

“Just eat it. God. I’m going to catch up on some paperwork. Finish your food and then clean up. I want this hall and the kitchen spotless by this afternoon. Got it?” Levi grumbled, standing up after drinking the remaining broth from his serving. A chorus of cheerful replies met his orders.

“Yessir!”

Chapter Text

ii)

Armin had said fretful goodbyes to Eren and Mikasa as he left the base mid morning, dragged along by an enthusiastic Hange to join them on a day trip to the nearest town. Riding through the pleasantly sunny yet breezy weather had been refreshing, or would have been, were it not for the confusion and uncertainty squirming in Armin’s gut. He had tried to ask Hange where exactly they were headed to and, more importantly, why, but had received no proper response, being brushed off over and over.

As they neared the town on horseback, Armin mimicked Hange by slowing to a trot, taking in the sight of the bright market stalls and the colourful fabrics flying from various flag poles along the stone buildings of the street. He heard hagglers shouting over one another, battling for the best deal, and the clip-clop of hooves on the cobbles, accompanied by the usual rabble of the town on market day. Hange made a turn before they reached the busier area of town, leading their horses to the local stableboy, discussing the payment for keeping their horses for the day. After making an agreement, Hange turned with a flourish, draping an arm over Armin’s shoulder and steering him back towards the main street.

“Alrighty, Armin! You’re in for a treat today, because we have been sent to buy a bunch of supplies. Exhilarating things like-” they took a crumpled list from their corps jacket’s front pocket, “-like, grains! Wax! Matches! Cloth! A new broom! Isn’t that exciting?” They beamed at their subordinate, only enhancing Armin’s confusion.

“Um, well, that sounds excruciatingly normal, Section Commander..?” Armin posed it as a question, because for some reason, one he couldn’t put his finger on, he felt like he was wrong, like there was more to this whole ordeal. Why would he specifically have been asked along to gather such dull supplies?

“It is normal, Armin! Let’s get the wax first, we’re running dangerously low. I hear Jean’s taken to sleeping with a candle burning - is he scared of the dark or something?” Armin tuned out the Section Commander’s persistent rambling as he searched for an answer to the strange day he was having. For some reason, Hange seemed determined to ignore the odd circumstances of the trip, or they knew something and were purposefully keeping the truth from Armin. Sighing, he let himself be dragged to a nearby store, hardly listening as Hange bantered and haggled with the man behind the counter.

After ticking off a few items from the list, Hange pointedly rubbed their stomach, much more dramatically than necessary.

“You hungry, Armin? It’s noon already, wow!”

“A little, I guess,” Armin agreed halfheartedly, following Hange as they took him to a stall selling various bread products. After buying two servings, Hange shooed Armin towards a shady part of the cobbled street, sitting down with a relieved exhale on stone steps leading up to a residential area.

“Wow, this bread is so fluffy! Shame we don’t get it like this on the regular.”

Armin mumbled his agreement through a mouthful - it was really delicious. After a few moments of quiet, Armin heard a light jingle, and felt a small bag being pushed against his unoccupied hand. He cocked a brow at Hange, swallowing his food.

“What is this?”

“Open it up, go on!” Hange urged, rocking back and forth with badly tempered excitement. Armin did so, carefully loosening the tie that held the pouch in place, and his eyes widened as he was met with coins.

“Money? Hange- I mean, Section Commander- what’s going on?”

“Ahh, I had hoped you would just accept it and rush off, that’s what young people tend to do with money, but I should’ve known you wouldn’t react so childishly. You are Armin afterall!”

“I… appreciate you giving me this, but you didn’t answer my question.” Hange chuckled at his confused expression.

“He’s gonna kill me for telling you this, but I’ve dealt with Levi enough times to survive, so I suppose it’ll do no harm…” they trailed off.

“Captain Levi?”

“Yes, the man himself! Asked me to give this to you. It’s from his personal wages, I’m pretty sure. He was really shady about it - or maybe the word is embarrassed, it’s hard to tell with Levi - he wanted you to buy something for yourself. He recommended a bookstore he’s visited here before. Knows you like to read, said something about your inquisitive mind needing more nourishment!”

Armin was speechless, staring at Hange as if they were a fast-approaching titan, jaw slack and brows raised so far on his forehead, they were invisible behind his bangs.

“Captain Levi said all that?”

“He did, he did!” Hange guffawed, “He’s really quite the softy, you know! If he had more time and more emotional intelligence, he would dote on you guys, I’m sure.” The thought of Levi’s displeased expression, his harsh tone and his cussing, and his obsessive need for order, Armin found that hard to believe, but the subtle weight of coins in his hand told him otherwise. This was some of Levi’s wages, his savings , and he had given them to Armin because he was worried about him losing out on intellectual engagement. A small smile, stretched wide in giddy disbelief, settled on Armin’s face, and he heard Hange laugh next to him.

“I’m… I really don’t know what to say,” Armin admitted, “I feel bad spending this, and I want to give it back, but at the same time…”

“Go and buy yourself a book! It’s what Levi asked for- actually, no, it’s what he ordered . And I’m ordering you, as your Section Commander, to go and buy a book that’ll keep your mind whirring! Go on, off you go!” They flapped their hands at him, ushering him out of their shaded seating place and into the bright noon sunlight. The sun made Armin’s hair glow and his skin flushed, the freckles across the bridge of his nose more clear in the light. His eyes shone as he beamed at Hange, and he looked like a child again.

“Thank you! Thank you Section Commander, I’ll say thank you to Levi- the Captain- when we get back too! Thank you!” He shouted over his shoulder with giddy delight, rushing off into the market to browse the goods. Hange huffed a laugh, leaning back to finish their food. Levi would be glad to hear of Armin’s reaction, they were sure.

-

The evening sun dipped low in the sky, casting an amber glow across the land as Hange and Armin neared the base on horseback. They had spent the majority of the day in town, and Hange had grinned from ear to ear when Armin had returned to the stables with armfulls of books. He had excitedly spoken about finding them incredibly cheap in a collection at a stall in the market, and had spent only a few of the coins on them. His main prize from the day was a much larger book, navy blue in colour, with silver embellishments detailing the title. Hange had enquired what the book was about, to which Armin had blushed a deep red, and stuttered about how silly it was. Hange didn’t understand his hesitation and embarrassment, but also didn’t feel like prying into the mysterious antics of a teenage boy, and changed the subject accordingly. Usually, they would love to discover the dirt on anyone and tease them until they became infuriated, Levi especially, but Armin’s sincerity and excitement had made them go soft, and they didn’t want to ruin his happiness for the sake of some pointless jeering.

Upon arriving back, Armin had waved to Eren and Mikasa, who were sitting outside together in the courtyard, crossed legged on the floor with a sketchbook. Hange smiled at Armin.

“Go join them, I’ll sort out the horses.”

“Really? I’ve already imposed on your kindness so much today-”

“Nonsense! What’s life without a couple days off, eh? Go.” Hange locked eyes with Armin, nodding encouragingly, and he returned the gesture, tightening his hold on his bag and leaping off the horse, jogging over to meet his two friends.

“Armin, you’re back,” Mikasa stated, looking him up and down, noticing the bag, “what do you have there?”

“Did the Section Commander want anything important?” Eren asked, blinking up at Armin. Armin looked past the two of them to the sketchbook on the ground, seeing a collection of silly doodles (mostly of Jean) as well as some scenery sketches clearly done by Eren. On Mikasa’s side of the page were some exaggerated caricatures of Levi, if the angry eyebrows and short stature were anything to go by, with hasty scribbles from Eren trying to cover them up.

“Not really,” Armin said, dropping the bag by his feet and folding his legs under him to sit opposite the other two, “Section Commander Hange had a list of things to buy and took me along to help out. But then-” he glanced around, double checking that no one else was around, before leaning in to whisper to Eren and Mikasa, who responded similarly, with wide eyes and raised eyebrows, “-then Hange gave me a pouch full of coins, and said they were from Captain Levi, from his wages. They told me to go and buy whatever I liked, specifically any books I’d enjoy, so…” he gestured to the bag, watching with a slight sense of smugness as Eren gaped with obvious jealousy, whilst Mikasa reached for the bag in interest.

“What? Money, just for you! No way!” Eren whined, grabbing Armin’s arm and shaking it lightly, “did you buy anything else?” Armin shook his head, and Eren let out an exaggerated cry.

“What’s this book?” Mikasa asked quietly, holding up the navy tome. Armin tugged his arm away from Eren and grabbed the book from Mikasa, gritting his teeth and averting his eyes. She looked mildly surprised, whilst Eren was still too busy complaining. “Sorry,” she mumbled, fiddling with her scarf, “I didn’t realise it was private.”

“It’s fine, it’s just…” Armin hesitated, “...embarrassing, I guess.” Mikasa nodded softly, showing she had heard and understood, and Armin returned the book to his bag before Eren could have his turn interrogating him.

“Armin!” The three of them turned around at the new arrival calling for him, seeing Jean making his way to the courtyard. “Captain Levi wants to see you! Better not to keep him waiting!”

Eren made an affronted noise as Armin stood and grabbed his bag, turning on his heel.

“First money, now he wants to see you! What’s with the special treatment?” Armin laughed, throwing a smirk Eren’s way.

“It’s because I’m smart. You should try it, Eren, maybe then you’d get some attention too.” He heard Mikasa laugh as Eren yelled a slew of petty insults at his back as he made his way past Jean into the base. Despite his remark, Armin wondered the same - what was with the sudden special treatment? And, more importantly, why did Levi want to see him? He shook his head, staring straight ahead as he made his way up the first set of stairs.

Only one way to find out.

-

“Enter,” he heard Levi call from behind the heavy door, and braced himself before heading in. Levi didn’t turn around at first, finishing off a page of writing, before twisting in his chair to address Armin.

“Captain Levi, Sir. I was told to come and see you.”

“Mm. I wanted to ask how your trip with Hange was?”

“It was fine, Sir. Actually, I would say it was enjoyable.”

“Really?” Levi asked blankly, motioning for Armin to sit at the other side of his desk. “I spoke to Hange when you got back. I knew as soon as I saw their face that they’d told you. I figured you’d be confused - why would I want to give you shit, never mind a whole bag of cash?” Armin nodded hesitantly, and Levi sighed, picking up a cup of water that sat on the corner of his desk and taking a sip. “You’re a smart one, Armin. Figure it out.”

Armin considered this for a moment, before reaching down to pull the books he had purchased from his bag, and set them in a straight line on the desk.

“I made the most of it. I gathered these tomes at the market. They’re on a variety of subjects. This one,” he gestured to a slightly ragged book with a green cover, “is about plants and their uses. This one here is about metals and ore. This one is about hunting and animal care. And so on and so forth.” Levi watched wordlessly, his face its usual frown, as Armin explained each book. Taking a deep breath, Armin reached the final book, the one he had hidden clumsily from both Hange and Mikasa. “This one is… less useful.”

“I didn’t give you money to buy useful shit, that was Hange’s job.”

“Right.” Armin affirmed, steeling his nerves and handing the book to Levi, who took it with a surprising gentleness. “It’s a storybook. The man at the bookshop told me it’s about a boy who goes on an adventure, who sees sights he could never imagine in his wildest dreams. It sounded like what I dreamed of when I was a child, when I used to sit at the canal in Trost with Eren and Mikasa and talk about the idea of the sea.”

Armin looked up, and felt his eyes widen in shock at the soft expression on Levi’s face as he thumbed the embellishments of the hardback cover.

“I think it’s a good purchase,” was all the Captain said, before schooling his expression back into its usual sternness and returning the novel to Armin.

“I’m glad you agree,” Armin smiled, “thank you for the money. I really appreciate being able to buy these, I’m very excited to read them.”

“Don’t thank me, just make the most of the books,” Levi waved him off, dismissing him from his desk, “and share them with your dimwitted friends. God knows they could use some better academia.”

“I’ll make sure they read it. Or try to, anyway. I’m not sure if Eren or Connie can read, Sir.” Armin quipped as he made his way to the door of Levi’s office, before freezing as he heard a muffled chuckle from the man behind him. He daren’t turn around, knowing he had already been dismissed, but held the knowledge that he had made Levi laugh close as he made his way back down the corridor to the boys' bunks.

He had some reading to do.

Chapter Text

iii)

When he woke up, Jean had expected the usual. Washing his face with cold water, pulling on his uniform, going to the kitchens for bread and a hot drink, being bothered by Eren’s obnoxious voice, arguing a bit, getting reprimanded by the corporal, and then cleaning out the stables as punishment.

What he did not expect, however, was being stopped on his way down to breakfast, by the aforementioned corporal himself. He saluted, and Levi waved his hand around, signalling for Jean to be at ease.

“I have something to give you,” Levi stated, as if this was the most normal thing in the world, and Jean couldn’t help but feel a little on edge. That sounded like the type of thing Levi would say before giving someone a face full of his fist - that’s just the type of guy he was, at least in Jean’s mind. But nothing violent or terrifying followed. Rather, Levi held out a wad of parchment, a sleek black box, and a smaller leather sleeve. Jean stared at the offered items, hesitantly taking them.

“What… are these?” He asked, not wanting to get anything wrong throughout this interaction. Levi tutted, so he’d already messed up with that goal.

“Use that big head of yours, Kirstein, then maybe you’d figure it out.”

Trying to ignore the quip about his ego, Jean tentatively unfolded the corners of the box, tipping the lid back to reveal a small wax stamp set. The wax was relatively plain, but came with everything required to melt it and seal letters. That made sense, what with the parchment and all. A little less apprehensive now, Jean opened the leather sleeve, letting a simple silver pen slip into his hand.

“A writing set?” He double checked. Levi folded his arms.

“Amazing observational skills you’ve got there.” Jean gritted his teeth. Did the corporal have to have such a stick up his ass about everything . Though, the irritation was overthrown by a mixture of gratitude and confusion. Of course Jean was happy about receiving a gift, but he just couldn’t understand why Levi, Corporal Levi , had given this to him. Did he have a new job, or something? Did Jean have to write letters for the corps now?

“Thank you…?” He said hesitantly, and Levi sighed loudly, putting a hand to his head, as if a headache was forming. It probably was, knowing how loathe Levi always seemed to interact with anyone.

“I overheard you talking to the other idiots about writing to your family,” Levi explained in exasperation, “I know it isn’t easy to come across all the things you need these days, even for something as simple as a letter, so…”

Jean didn’t think he’d ever seen the Corporal become embarrassed before, and his jaw dropped at the sight of Levi averting his gaze, shoulders even more tense than usual, shuffling on his feet as he waited for Jean’s reaction. He could have picked Levi up in a bear hug right there, but knew it would likely not be appreciated.

“I had no idea you heard me talk about that-” Jean began.

“Hard not to, with your big mouth and all.”

“I’m trying to say thank you again!” Jean squawked indignantly, and Levi stopped shuffling, still not meeting his eyes. “This really means a lot to me, Corporal. I’m seriously kind of stunned. I had no idea you cared about stuff like this.”

“Of course I do. What’s more important than family in a world like this, eh?” He finally met Jean’s eyes, the most minute upturn to the edge of his lips. Not a smile, by any means, but certainly not a frown either. “Make sure you write to your mother a lot. Every letter will mean the world to her.”

And with that closing statement, Levi nodded with finalty, continuing to walk past Jean, barely brushing his shoulder as he continued onwards to his office. Jean remained still, in shock, gently holding the letter set in both palms. He felt his eyes start to burn, and sniffed loudly. No way did the corporal just make him cry out of gratitude .

-

To my dearest Mother,

Notice the new wax seal? It’s quite fetching, right? My squad leader gifted it to me, so that I could write to you more often. This ink is from a new pen, too. I’m being treated well here.

How are you? Are you eating well? Are the neighbours doing okay? And what about that stray cat you’ve been feeding? I always have so much to ask you. Maybe now that I have so many supplies, I can communicate with you more often.

Things are going well here. My daily routine is relatively dull at the moment, but I’m keeping healthy and building my strength. I can’t wait to be able to visit again. I miss you, as I always do. My squadmates are pains as always, but even they seem to be doing better these days. Two of my squadmates prepared breakfast for us the other day, with dried marigolds and honey. I don’t know the recipe, but it seemed like something you would be interested in. I’ll try to send the recipe to you the next time I write. If you’ve come up with any new dishes, please send them along with your next letter - I feel like I need to try my hand at cooking something for everyone now, too. I don’t want to be seen as a slacker!

I have training today. The weather is nice. I hope the sun is shining for you, too.

All my love,

Your son, Jean

Chapter Text

iv)

“Come in.”

Mikasa heard the blunt answer to her knock on the door, entering immediately after. She had become used to following commands and orders, and it was something she prided herself on being able to do. In her earlier days in the Corps, she had struggled to detach herself from Eren or Armin, even though her natural skill set her above them a majority of the time. It hurt to be wrenched away from the two people she cared about the most, but she had gotten better. She knew both of them could look after themselves (to a relative degree, anyway) and besides, now that they were all joined under the title of Squad Levi, she felt a lot more confident in leaving her childhood friends to their own devices. With the support from Connie, Jean, Sasha, and of course, Levi himself, she knew that they would be in good hands.

Returning to the present, Mikasa focused on the face behind the desk, shutting the door behind her. She had come to talk to the aforementioned squad captain, seeking his advice on a particular maneuver. Despite being ahead of her peers from the very beginning, Mikasa still needed assistance on perfecting her skills, and she wasn’t ashamed of that fact.

“Good morning, Captain,” she greeted, offering a salute to her superior, ever the professional, “I asked to see you for some advice, if you have the time.”

“I have the time. Sit down,” he gestured to the seat opposite him, and Mikasa obliged, sitting with straight posture and her shoulders pushed back. “What exactly is it you need help with?”

“It’s the spinning maneuver that you’re infamous for, sir. I’ve been working on it since it seems very effective and suits my fighting style particularly well.”

“Oh? I didn’t know you’d been trying that.”

Mikasa nodded, continuing unprompted, “I can’t perfect it, so I wanted to know how you do it.”

At this, Levi sat back in his chair, clasping his hands together and scanning Mikasa, eyes singling in on the 3D maneuver gear she already had equipped. He glanced at the clock upon the wall, noting the early hour. He was an early riser himself, so had no problem meeting with his soldier at such a time, but couldn’t help but to wonder why Mikasa had risen before her colleagues.

“When did you wake up?” He asked straight away, confusing her. This didn’t seem related to training. However, she answered diligently.

“Four, sir.”

“Jesus Christ, Mikasa.”

“Sir?”

“Do you do this every day?”

“I’m not following.”

Levi sighed, massaging his temple with one hand, “you wake up an hour and a half earlier than your comrades, but you go to sleep at the same time as they do. You’re losing that much sleep every day, and trust me, it builds up. What do you do in the mornings?”

“I train.” Mikasa stated, not seeing the problem. “I need to become stronger.”

“Mikasa, if anyone needs an extra hour of training every day, it’s certainly not you.” Levi’s voice was just verging on exasperated - Mikasa didn’t think she had ever seen him in such a state, even if it was subtle.

“Natural skill is irrelevant. I have to become stronger if I want to protect the people I care about. I know they’re capable, too, I don’t doubt my team - our team - at all. But if a day comes where they can’t fight and I can, I want to protect them.” Mikasa held Levi’s stare without flinching; she was just as steadfast as he was, and she knew it. After a few seconds of silent glaring, Levi seemed to sink a little into his seat, averting his eyes.

“That’s an admirable goal, Mikasa, but don’t let your stubbornness become stupidity.” His voice dropped to a lower tone, suddenly more serious, and Mikasa felt confusion stir within her. Now that she thought about it, she didn’t really know too much about the Captain. Initially, she thought he was an ass, what with the way he kicked Eren around like a ragdoll in the courthouse upon their first meeting, and her only desire had been to put him in his place. And then, later on, when Levi and his past squad had ripped Eren away from herself and Armin to join the Corps and treated him like a prisoner, like a monstrous creature, she had seethed . But then, when Annie had betrayed them and pursued Eren without remorse, the only person to follow Mikasa to save him had been Levi, and he’d saved Mikasa too. The way he still sometimes winced on a rainy morning and walked with a stiff limp reminded her, and though she had never felt guilty about chasing after Eren that day, she could not help the stab of sadness in her chest whenever she saw Levi suffer because of her actions.

“I won’t.” She said firmly, thinking that would put an end to this tangent. Levi, however, seemed undeterred, or rather pushed onwards by her resolution.

“You won’t, intentionally.” He leaned forwards, resting his elbows on the desk. “I want you to understand the importance of rest and recuperation, Mikasa, for yourself. I know you worry when others overwork themselves, but you seem blind to it when you’re the one being pushed too far. If you shoulder everything by yourself, you’ll end up by yourself.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”

“It doesn’t matter what you think,” Levi said, not sounding irritable, but rather somewhat melancholic, “I know you aren’t much one for conversation, and hell, I’m sure you know that neither am I, but trust me on this. Not as your superior or your captain or a corporal or any other bullshit title, just from one soldier to another- actually, from one human to another. You need to rest.”

Mikasa stared at Levi, not used to hearing him speak in such long sentences. Everything he said was usually snippy and to-the-point, if not plain rude, so this sudden monologue surprised her. She couldn’t help but to wonder - had something prompted this? Did something happen to Levi in which his talent singled him out, and he ended up alone? Mikasa’s mouth moved before she could think.

“Did something happen?” Levi didn’t look at her, and Mikasa belatedly worried she’d overstepped an invisible line. Levi was her captain, she couldn’t be this casual.

“I suppose it did,” he eventually sighed, stopping her mid-thought, “do you want to know why I’m so… concerned for your wellbeing in this regard?” He hesitated, and Mikasa could have sworn he was about to say “worried ”.

Levi worried about her?

“Yes.”

-

What followed, Mikasa could never have predicted.

Levi told her, in clipped phrases and a gruff voice, about his first mission in the Survey Corps. About his teammates, his best friends, his family , and about how he had lost them. He told her about how he had charged ahead by himself, relying on his superior strength and abilities, forsaking everything by shouldering their mission alone to try to keep them safe. She knew he had spared the details, noticing flickers of pain behind his usually dull eyes, and could tell when large chunks of the story were removed, perhaps because Levi wished to retain some privacy, or perhaps because he was simply too sad to expand upon certain points. One detail of the story stuck out to Mikasa, though, and she wondered if Levi had emphasised it on purpose.

His old brother-in-arms, Farlan’s, booksmart intelligence and cunning, just like Armin.

His close friend, someone he had always sought to protect, Isabelle’s bright green eyes, just like Eren.

His own natural talent and desire to burden everything alone, just like her, and his loss because of it.

Suddenly, everything Levi had said throughout the morning made sense, and Mikasa felt her heart sink. Levi looked tired, and she tentatively reached a hand out, very slowly, and planted it on his shoulder. His eyes darted up to meet her own.

“I’ll make sure to rest more. You should rest, too.” At this, he huffed out a breath, and nodded, seemingly content that she had listened to him. "And, Captain..." she continued, pausing for a moment to think over what she was about to say, "you didn't end up by yourself."

Levi looked at her in surprise, before his face broke out into a very small, but grateful, smile. He didn't say thank you - he didn't need to, Mikasa could feel the mutual gratitude between them after their conversation - but he did pat her hand, in a way not too unfamiliar to the way her father used to, and how Carla used to.

“Dismissed, Mikasa. No training today, understood?”

She nodded, standing up and returning his smile. Had any of the others in the squad walked in at that moment, they would have believed the world to have ended - both Ackermans, smiling, at the same time no less! She then made her way from his office, only noticing the slight tremble in her arms upon her solitude in the corridor. That had… not gone in the direction she had anticipated, but she appreciated everything about the captain now much more than she had before. He truly did care for them all.

He truly is Humanity’s Strongest.

Chapter Text

v)

The day had been going well. Breakfast and morning training had gone off without a hitch, and Eren was focused, occasionally laughing at something stupid Jean had done. He felt fine. He felt okay. When he was having a good day, he always forgot just how quickly things could take a turn for the worse.

It had only been a small thing.

Rain had begun to fall around noon, and Levi had everyone doing different chores around the base. Eren was upstairs, alone, in the bunks, dusting the floor and making the beds, and had been doing a reasonable job at it, until he had heard a bang on the window, and seen feathers fluttering beyond the panes. Startled by the noise, he dropped his broom, abandoning his job and flinging the window open without care. Craning his neck, he looked down to the wet grass below, and saw the tiny body of a bird, lying still in the mud. Eren felt his breath hitch, air getting caught in his throat, and he quickly stumbled out of the room, leaving the window open and letting the rain trickle in.

In mere minutes he was downstairs, footsteps echoing off the quiet corridors and breath laboured as he ran, shoving himself shoulder-first through the large doors out of the base. He glanced around with a frantic fervour, tripping as he rushed around the side of the building to find the area beneath the open window. The rain dampened his hair, plastering it in front of his eyes and making it harder to see, but he continued forwards, seeing sparse brown feathers spatter the ground before him.

Kneeling in the mud, Eren shivered as the wet soaked through his clothes and into his skin, chilling him from the inside out. He reached forwards with slow hands, picking up the fragile body and drawing it close to his chest, watching as the bird’s wingtips twitched and its tiny chest rose and fell in a stuttering staccato. He brought one finger forward, gently stroking the soft feathers on the bird - a sparrow’s - head, watching it blink rapidly as he repeated the motion. It let out a feeble sound, something so minute that Eren was barely sure he heard it. He crouched over, protecting it from the rain, and drew it closer, letting it feel the heat from his body, the beat from his heart.

Life was so fragile, he was reminded yet again. This creature was dying. It had been lively and healthy only moments ago, and now it was dying, its bones a crooked constellation against his hand, clumps of feathers drifting to the wet ground like tears. Something heavy settled in Eren’s stomach, and he felt his breathing grow difficult, his airway taut.

All of a sudden, he was in his titan form, staring down at Armin, crumpled and broken in his palm, his leg bent the wrong way and his hands twitching sporadically. There was nothing he could do but hold him, hold him in his hand whilst he died before his eyes. And when his body went still, Eren blinked away the tears.

Blinked, and when he opened his eyes, it was Mikasa. Her eyes were glazed, rolling back into her skull, with blood matting her tangled hair, streaming from an invisible wound down her face, forming streams like tears across her cheeks. Her lips were blue, stained purple with the blood that seeped from her mouth. She lay flat in Eren’s hand, and he curled his fingers protectively around her. He wanted to save her, to keep her from harm, but it was too late. No matter what he did, she was dead. She was dead. She was dead.

And then, it was his mother. But she wasn’t dead, not yet, she was alive and moving and okay. She was okay.

She was okay, until Eren closed his hand around her, feeling the blood pool over his fingers and down his arm. Until his hand broke her in two and crushed her ribs. Until his hand killed her.

Until he killed her.

Life was so fragile. Eren felt the weight of his power, of his duty, of his life, on his shoulders, crushing him as the boulder once had in Trost, crushing him as the death of his mother had, crushing him as the wooden beams had crushed her legs. Crushing him until he was the one lay on the floor, broken and bruised and bleeding. Dying. His breath escaped him in rapid gasps, and he held the now still bird ever closer to his heart, willing a God he didn’t believe in to take his life and give it to this innocent, beautiful creature. This tiny animal, with its doe-like eyes and speckled brown feathers, with its young waiting in the nest to be fed, with its melodic song and cheerful cries every morning.

Why was he still here? Why was he, of all people, still living and breathing? Why was he humanity’s hope , when he had no hope for himself at all?

That was how Levi found him, crumpled on the floor, heaving out breaths and sobs one after the other, wheezing from a lack of air, tears pooling from once bright eyes and creating a waterfall to match the rain.

-

When Eren woke up, his head was pounding as if he’d been beaten half to death, and he briefly wondered if he’d been in a battle before passing out. When he cast his mind back, he recalled no physical fight, only the heavy feeling of responsibility and self hatred nestling in his heart. He struggled to sit up, looking around the empty room and trying to call out, but his throat was bone dry, so he coughed instead. Next to him, on the bedside table, was a small wooden box, stuffed with dandelion fluff and feathers. Atop the soft bed lay the sparrow, peaceful and still in death. Eren felt his eyes begin to sting, but he had no tears left to cry.

The moment was broken as the door swung open, creaking on its hinges, and Levi entered the room, carrying a pitcher of water and a washcloth. He and Eren locked eyes, and Levi breathed out a sigh, saying nothing as he made his way across the room and stood by the bedside, setting the pitcher down next to the box. He folded up the washcloth, gently pressing it to Eren’s forehead. The tepid cool of the cloth sank into Eren’s skin, soothing and comfortable, and he lay back instinctively, closing his eyes.

This continued for a while, with Levi turning over the cloth to find a cool side with each press, until he set it down on the table, pouring the water into a cup and offering it to Eren, who took it gratefully, downing it in one. Levi poured him another. He finished that, too.

“Thank you,” he eventually rasped, clutching his third cup of water, shifting as he crossed his legs under the blanket. Levi said nothing, but sat down decisively at the end of the bed.

“Care to explain what happened?” Levi asked, not in an accusatory tone, rather just sounding… tired. Eren felt his chest tighten again as he realised the trouble he must have caused. Not just for Levi, but for everyone.

“I… I don’t…” Eren tried to begin, but faltered instantly, clutching the cup more tightly and casting his eyes down to his hands. His bite marks should have scarred from all the times he’d transformed, but with his powers, his monstrous powers, he was able to heal indefinitely, leaving his skin smooth and unmarred. Levi had scars, he could see from where he sat only a metre away, the lines on his skin that were rigid and light. Mikasa had scars. Mikasa had a scar from Eren . He felt bile rise in his throat, and quickly gulped down more of his water.

Silence settled over the room, neither comfortable nor uncomfortable, but in wait. Levi was waiting for Eren. Waiting for him to speak, waiting for him to be ready.

“The sparrow-” Eren tried again, “-it… it died.” His voice cracked. Levi didn’t move, didn’t look at him or flinch or react at all . So, Eren kept talking. “It died. So I picked it up because it was still alive, still breathing, so I held it. I thought maybe I could help it, I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“You thought you could help it?”

“Yeah. No. I didn’t really think at all. I just needed to hold it.”

“Needed to?”

“Yeah.”

“I see.”

Silence settled again, and Eren felt himself becoming more tense and uncomfortable with each passing moment.

“It’s stupid, I know,” he muttered darkly, looking down again. He was being a child , burdening the Captain and the rest of his squad with outbursts over such small things. What was a sparrow’s life in the grand scheme of things, anyway?

“Eren.”

He looked up, and met Levi’s eyes, their grey colour reminding him of the storm clouds outside. Of the mist and the haze and the rain.

“It isn’t stupid. Whether you just wanted to hold the sparrow for the fuck of it, or whether you needed to due to something deep inside you that you can’t name or understand, it isn’t stupid. Life and death is hard to grasp, and hard to see. You and I both have seen far too much of it for one lifetime.”

Eren stared, blinking away the new blurriness in his vision.

“It… It wasn’t just the sparrow.” He admitted, voice far quieter than usual, and far higher, breathy in the most pained way. “It was Armin, and Mikasa, and my… my mother.”

Something flashed in Levi’s expression, then. Something familiar and aching.

“And the worst thing is,” Eren continued, “I couldn’t do anything. I just watched. I had no control. And then, I did have control. Only…” his voice gave out as the images returned, flashing through his head like a distorted nightmare. “Only, then I was controlling too much. I held life and death in my hands, like some sort of- some sort of cursed god. I- I crushed her between my fingers.”

Eren started as he felt a solid weight rest on his knee, and saw Levi’s hand, steady and grounding, tethering him to reality.

“I cannot imagine what it must be like,” Levi spoke with an unusual hesitance, “to be a titan.” Eren drew in a tense breath, but Levi pressed his hand more firmly to Eren’s knee through the blanket. “ However , I know exactly what it is like to have the fate of humanity upon your shoulders. To have people die before your eyes, over and over and over again. And, I won’t sugar coat things and lie to you, it doesn’t stop. We live in a cruel world, Eren, and death is far too easy.”

The weight of the statement sank into Eren’s bones, and he bowed his head.

“I want to tell you that it gets better, that dealing with this gets easier, but not only is that a lie, it’s total shit all around. Who wants to live in a world where death is so common that it becomes insignificant? I sure as hell don’t. So, it doesn’t get better. Death hurts, and it hurts every time.”

Eren nodded. He knew that. He knew what their world was like. He’d been born in it, and he would die in it, just like everyone else.

“And, shit, I’m really trying my best here,” Levi faltered, seeming to lose his composure for a moment, “I’m not trying to comfort you or console you, I’m just trying to make sure that you know you aren’t alone, that the rest of your teammates know life and death and the ache that comes after, too.”

“They know a different type of life and death than I do.” Eren said, voice flat and quiet, and Levi stilled next to him.

“And why is that, exactly?” Levi sounded exhausted again.

“Because I’m a monster .” Eren whispered harshly, hissing the word out through gritted teeth, “Sure, they experience life and death and pain and sorrow, but they don’t witness it from seventeen metres in the air, with claws and bared teeth and half consciously connected to the nape of a beast!” His voice began to rise in volume, drowning out the patter of rain on the window. “I’m exactly the same as the monsters that have killed our comrades, our family, and our friends, right before our eyes, over and over and over again, just like you said !”

Eren breathed heavily in the aftermath of his explosion, unsurprised as Levi drew back the hand from his knee, staring at him speechlessly.

“You really believe that shit?”

“ Huh ?” Eren exclaimed indignantly.

“Eren,” the stare Levi gave him was equal parts the most intense, and the most painstakingly gentle, that Eren had ever seen, “If I asked you to describe Mikasa, what would you say?”

“Mikasa..?” Eren breathed, struggling to think. “I… would say that she’s strong.”

“And Armin. What would you say about him?” Levi continued.

“Smart. Brave. A hero.” Eren couldn’t understand why Levi had suddenly started quizzing him about his squad mates, but he welcomed the distraction from his breakdown.

“And,” Levi’s eyes never left Eren’s, focusing everything into their whispered conversation, “what about me?”

“Humanity’s strongest.” Eren responded without hesitation, the awe and idolisation he had always held towards Levi coming to the forefront of his mind. “A saviour.”

Levi leaned back, folding his hands in his lap and looking away, finally breaking the intensity of the exchange, leaving Eren confused and breathless where he sat.

“You’re no different to the rest of us,” Levi stated with a quiet firmness, “You hold the same level of power - fuck, maybe even more - and you use it to push forwards. Being a Titan doesn’t make you a monster. Your stubbornness, your fierce temper, and your brainless ability to keep on forcing your way forwards is what does. And if you’re a monster, then shit, so are the rest of us. But being a monster isn’t all there is. You’re strong, too. You’re brave.  A saviour. Humanity’s hope.”

Eren felt his face heat up at the sudden praise. “But… even you said I was a monster. Before.” Eren hesitated, confusion remaining, but some of the tension left his body.

“I know. Like I said back in the 57th expedition, that willing insanity of yours is what makes you a monster. But Mikasa holds that insanity, too. As does Armin. As does Hange. As did Erwin.” Levi’s voice dropped to near silence at the mention of the late commander. “As do I.”

“So… we’re all monsters?”

“If you want to think of it like that, I suppose so,” Levi chuckled dryly, “or maybe, Eren, we’re all just fucking human, and doing our goddamn best to make something of the shitty lives we’ve been given.”

Levi’s cynical, straightforward speech made Eren huff out a breath in amusement, his shoulders sagging as the exhaustion of his meltdown caught up to him.

“Just human, huh?” He mumbled, thoughts incoherent as he sank a little further down the wooden headboard, back into the warmth of the sheets covering him.

“Don’t overthink it.” He heard Levi say, his voice sounding further away than before.

Eren blinked his eyes a few times, vision blurry as his eyelids began to flutter with newfound tiredness. Afraid of returning to a restless, nightmare-ridden sleep, he attempted to force himself to stay awake, but the familial and caring sensation of a cold hand carding through his hair was enough to disperse any intention Eren had of remaining conscious, and he felt himself melt into the mattress like the wax of the candle besides his table, his fire finally flickering out, leaving him in a peaceful, quiet darkness.

Chapter Text

vi)

Eren walked into the dining area of the fortress the following morning, refreshed after a rare good night of sleep. His talk with Levi had done more than he thought; his rest had been dreamless and still.

He rolled his neck slowly, letting his bones pop, and saw Armin wince at the sound from where he sat at the table, a thick, navy book open in his hands. Eren grinned, flicking his friend on the forehead as he passed, earning an attempted smack back from Armin, but darted out of the way with ease. He heard voices from inside the kitchen and followed the source, finding Jean, Sasha, and Connie huddled together over the counter, pouring over a crumpled sheet of parchment. Wanting in on the action, Eren stood on his tip toes, peering over Jean’s shoulder.

“A recipe?” He questioned aloud, causing Jean to start where he stood, and he bumped the back of his head into Eren’s chin in the process, earning a yelp from both boys.

“Say something if you’re standing that close to me, asshole!” Jean bit, rubbing the back of his head in a manner far too dramatic for the injury.

“Maybe don’t piss yourself over the small stuff, you fucking baby.” Eren grumbled in response, jaw aching slightly from the impact. He was lucky he hadn’t bitten his tongue - an impromptu transformation here would just be humiliating. The words he and Jean used were harsh, but neither Sasha nor Connie batted an eye, used to the two’s unique ‘friends-who-would-die-for-each-other-but-can’t-talk-without-bickering’ relationship. There was no real malice behind their quips, just mindless insults and boyish banter.

Whilst Eren and Jean grumbled and groaned at one another, Sasha dipped her index finger into the cast iron pot she was stirring, slurping some sort of sauce or soup as a taste test, her eyes lighting up as she turned to the three boys beside her.

“This is so good, I might cry.” Eren didn’t doubt it, her voice was almost wobbling after a single taste. Curious, he mimicked her actions, surprised by the spicy burst in his mouth from the sauce, but pleased nonetheless. He nodded encouragingly at her, and she grinned.

“Jean’s mama sent us a new recipe to try!” Connie filled Eren in as Jean went in for a taste of the sauce. “This stuff is supposed to work really well on meat - cold or hot - and as a sauce for carbohydrates too. Like, you could just dip bread in this and it’d be just as good.”

“Nothing is as good as meat.” Sasha corrected him, sipping from a spoon of the sauce. Eren quirked a brow - at this rate, it was all going to be gone before they had anything to eat it with. Connie shrugged, seemingly unwilling to debate food with Sasha of all people. Feeling even more refreshed now that he knew they’d be eating good food for breakfast, Eren meandered back to where Armin sat at the table, dropping into a chair next to him and leaning his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands.

“Watcha reading?”

Armin’s eyes didn’t leave his page as he responded to Eren’s sudden inquisition, focusing with rapt attention to the story in his hands.

“Fiction novel.”

“The one from the market?” Eren queried, craning his neck to get a look. The words on the page were tiny, and Eren doubted he could make much sense of them anyway. He wasn’t much of a reader.

“Yep,” Armin popped the ‘p’, and Eren slumped down onto the table, accepting that he couldn’t drag a conversation out of his best friend when he was so engrossed in his book. The door to the room creaked on his hinges, and Eren turned to see who had entered, expecting one of the Ackermans, seemingly the only two not present for breakfast. Instead, Hange waltzed in, beaming at Eren as they made eye contact with him.

“Good morning Squad Levi!” They hollered, earning back some shouted greetings from the three in the kitchen. They made a point of sniffing the air, throwing themself into the chair next to Eren and crowding his space as they tended to. “What’s cooking, hm?”

“Jean’s ma sent a recipe,” Eren explained, “cooking seems to be, like, a frequent thing now. I’m not complaining.”

“Ah, really? I should stop by more often if that’s the case!” Hange said, sighing heavily. “It’s hard adjusting to the role of Commander, now more than ever. I’m up to my ears in paperwork, truly a nightmare.” Eren gulped, averting his eyes and decidedly not looking at Armin. He always felt weird talking about Erwin’s death; it still didn’t feel real, and the fact that they were able to continue daily life like this felt unfair. Of course, Eren knew things would change soon. They knew more now. They had a real, palpable goal, one that they had proven to exist… but never mind that now. He didn’t want a repeat of yesterday from thinking about it too hard.

“Anyway,” Hange continued, perhaps sensing Eren’s discomfort, “I dropped in to let you guys know Levi’s gonna be MIA for a few days. You have nothing scheduled, so it’s just business as usual - regular training and tasks and whatnot, not much to worry about!” Armin put his book down at this, actively joining in the conversation.

“Is there a reason for his absence?” Armin asked, curious rather than accusatory. Eren noticed Connie and Jean poke their heads through the doorway, listening in to what Hange said.

“There is! I told him he didn’t have to, but he just insisted on helping me with the paperwork and administrative work that comes with my new role. I’m thankful - it really is a bit much, even for me. But we have to travel a little, ride into the city and do an interview with the papers and alert the people of the change, and we’re supposed to visit the Queen and give her a live report… it’s a whole ordeal.” Hange seemed to deflate somewhat, exhausted just thinking about it.

“Good luck, though I doubt you or the Captain need it,” Armin smiled softly in support at Hange, and Eren remembered their recent trip into the city together - they had been a little closer since then, familial and colloquial enough that it was noticeable, but it warmed Eren’s heart all the same. Despite all the bad things that had happened, the tragedies of the past few months, and the loss of Erwin Smith, he was glad that he was part of the new Squad Levi, and that they had all grown closer in the past weeks, tight-knit in a way he couldn’t imagine with anyone else. Even bickering with Jean brought him a sense of comfort and belonging these days.

“That was all, so I’d best be going!” Hange suddenly pushed themselves up from the table, clapping their hands the way they always did to organise and reorientate their thoughts. “You guys are capable, and Levi clearly trusts you all enough to leave you unsupervised, so don’t disappoint him!” They chuckled, waving as they left back out through the creaky door, leaving Eren and the others to ponder over their Captain’s absence.

Soon enough, Eren and Armin were joined by Sasha, Connie, and Jean, served plates of crusty bread along with the warming sauce they had prepared, and it was only at that moment that Eren noticed an extra person missing.

“Mikasa still hasn’t arrived,” he pointed out, catching everyone’s attention. Connie chewed his food, swallowing loudly as he thought.

“Weird, she’s usually an early riser.”

“Maybe she got caught up training or something.” Sasha mumbled around her bread, “We all know she does extra in the morning.”

“I dunno how,” Connie interjected, “I’m exhausted enough as is, never mind even more.”

“Well, hopefully she joins us soon.” Armin said amicably, though Eren noticed an undertone of slight worry to his voice. He felt it too - the discomfort when the three of them weren’t together - and could only nod in agreement.

As if on queue, the door creaked once again, and the group at the table whipped their heads around to see Mikasa walk through the door, her hair still a little scruffy, the belts on the side of her harness not yet buckled up. She yawned widely, an unusual action for her, and blinked sleepily around the room, before sitting next to Sasha and immediately digging into breakfast.

“Um, good morning, Mikasa.” Jean said with uncertainty, and she responded with a groggy tilt of her head.

“Did you sleep in?” Eren asked, blunt as usual. He didn’t feel a need to filter what he said to Mikasa, knowing their closeness allowed them to understand one another and their intentions. She knew he wasn’t being rude, simply open and curious.

“Mm, I did.” Her voice was quiet, still thick with sleep. “I’ve been trying to get more sleep lately.”

“Why’s that? You used to be out there on the equipment at the crack of dawn,” Connie commented, snatching another piece of bread from the rapidly-emptying platter in the centre of the table.

“Levi told me to.”

At this, a stillness swept across the group, and Eren gawked at Mikasa, surprised.

“And you listened to him?” Connie asked, shock apparent on his face too. “I always thought you hated him telling you what to do. Or at least, you seemed to.”

“I did.” She admitted easily, “But I think he’s right. Getting extra rest is really nice. I don’t feel like I’m clawing my way through each day anymore. It’s so much easier to focus, and get more done in that time.”

“You callin’ him Levi now?” Jean asked around a mouthful. “Thought we had to call him ‘Captain’.”

“I mean, we do have to. Technically.” Armin interjected.

“Mm…” Mikasa mumbled again, “He is our Captain on the field, it’s professional and accurate, but I’ve started seeing him more as Levi lately.”

“You’re talkative this morning,” Eren said after a moment of quiet. It was true, Mikasa rarely contributed this much to conversation, never mind carrying it as she was doing now.

“Guess so,” she said, smiling. Maybe that extra rest really was what she needed, Eren thought, noticing her lack of tension and the ease in which she communicated with the group. It was nice; it reminded him of how she was as a child, when they would stay awake at night and talk about all kinds of things. She was more chatty then, before the Colossal and Armored titan attacked Trost, and he felt his lips turn upwards involuntarily at her old self shining through. “Where is Levi, by the way?” She asked, glancing at his empty chair at the head of the table.

“He’s away on business, helping Commander Hange.” Jean filled her in. Mikasa frowned.

“Oh.”

“Something you wanted to discuss with him?” Armin asked, and Mikasa shook her head.

“Not anything specific.”

“But you wanted to talk to him?”

“Mm.”

“I don’t mean to be weird,” Jean interrupted, “but Mikasa, you’re kinda confusing me here. Since when did you enjoy chatting with the Captain? You always used to call him a grouchy, bite-sized piece of-”

“Ok, ok, that’s enough, we get your point!” Armin shushed Jean before he could finish the insult. Mikasa stared at her bread for a moment, before looking up with a more serious shine in her eyes.

“Well, I don’t really think it’s my place to give full details, but I spoke to Levi recently. I went for help with something, and he gave really good advice. He talked… a lot, actually. I realised he’s a lot kinder than he lets on. It took me by… surprise.”

“Now that you mention it,” Jean looked to the ceiling in thought, “he’s the one who gave me that letter set to write to my mama. That was nice of him. She replied to my last letter with the recipe we’re eating now.”

“He’s the one who suggested we start cooking more varieties of food to keep us happy.” Sasha said. “He was super patient with me and Connie in the kitchen, too. Didn’t even get mad with Connie for making a comment about his height.”

“He bought me this book.” Armin blurted, face a little red from embarrassment, “it feels weird to say it like that. He gave me money and I bought it.”

“This is kind of weird, right?” Connie said, a sheepish smile on his face. “He’s been so nice lately.”

“It’s not just lately.” Eren said loudly, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “He’s always been kind.”

“Really? He used to shout at us and call us names.” Jean reminded him with a sneer.

“Eren, he literally kicked you in the mouth, like, a hundred times. In front of a bunch of people. That’s not exactly ‘kind’...” Connie added hesitantly.

“He only did that because he had to. He apologized after.” Eren said firmly. “He saved my life then, and again when Annie-” he interrupted himself, “-when the female titan captured me. And then again along with the rest of you, countless times, when we were up against Rod Reiss. I wouldn’t be here if not for him.”

“He saved me, too.” Mikasa added. “I went after Eren, that time with the female titan. Levi injured himself because of me. I don’t regret it, but he helped with no hesitation.”

“He talked me through it when I first had to… kill another human being,” Armin said sadly, stumbling over the word, but with a smile, “he speaks in such a straightforward and logical way, it’s hard not to believe him. It really helped me at the time.”

“He always reminded Commander Hange when we did experiments, about my limits and letting me rest. He brought water pouches and food and medical supplies for the nosebleeds I got… honestly, he kinda reminds me of a mother bird sometimes, working hard and hauling twice his weight to keep us on our feet.” Eren huffed out a breath akin to a laugh. “He’s a really good person.”

“I agree with Eren.” Mikasa said, smiling at him softly. “Levi may seem stony faced, but I think his heart is big.”

A warm silence settled between them as they finished breakfast, before Sasha planted her palm on the table, grabbing everyone’s attention once again.

“Let’s get Captain Levi a gift!” She proclaimed, smiling widely. “I feel like it’d be a nice way to say ‘thank you’, y’know?”

“But what would we get him? The Captain doesn’t seem like the materialistic type.” Armin asked, looking around the group for suggestions.

“We could cook him something?”

“...buy him something from the city?”

“What if we clean the entire fortress?”

“I have an idea.” Mikasa said meekly, raising a hand to get the attention of her comrades. “What if we got him something more permanent. Like, something he can use every day. He seems like the type of person to appreciate a useful gift.”

“I agree,” Armin nodded, “something useful would be way more suitable.”

“How about an item of clothing?” Eren piped up, clasping his hands together. “Captain Levi wears that tie-thing.”

“Oh! The white ruffle thing, yeah!” Connie snapped his fingers and pointed at Eren, on the same page.

“It’s called a cravat, but that’s actually not a bad idea.” Armin muttered.

Sasha continued their collective train of thought. “What if we sewed a pattern onto it to personalise it?”

“Mikasa and I learned how to sew as kids,” Eren recalled the lessons they received from his mother, and smiled sadly, “I’m sure we could figure something out.”

“Great!” Sasha beamed, beginning to clear up the table. Jean quickly joined her, and soon the whole squad was working together to clean up, falling into the natural rhythm they had developed from living as a unit. “We have a few days to work on this whilst the Captain is away, so let’s make it count!”

They gave a collective cheer, and Eren smiled again as he scrubbed the plates. Any gift they could give to Levi would never equate to all he had done for them, but he hoped the sentiment would get across regardless, and maybe, just maybe, put a smile on the Captain’s face.

-

The following few days were busy, despite the lack of actual assignments issued to the team. Sasha and Mikasa rode out to town the day after their discussion over breakfast, returning in the evening with a small roll of plain silk, a soft periwinkle in colour, and Eren wondered briefly if they’d tried to match it to Levi’s eyes. The thought made him chuckle, that they were paying attention to such bizarre details to try and give their thanks to the Captain, but he refrained from commenting on it, instead doing his part and digging through the box of sewing supplies, trying to locate a complimentary thread. Most of their threads were plain black or beige, practical and lowkey to fix their uniforms if needed, but he finally found what he was looking for: a pleasant azure with very little left on the spool, though hopefully enough for their project.

Upon reentering the dining area, Eren saw the group standing around the table, silk laid carefully out before them. Jean appeared to be conducting the discussion, drawing intricate designs with care over a piece of parchment, pointing to and from it to the parchment. Everyone appeared engaged, so Eren slipped in quietly, leaning on the table besides Armin.

“Found some thread. Think it’ll do?” He asked when Jean had finished speaking, offering it out on the palm of his hand. His comrades nodded in approval, and Armin smiled wistfully.

“Kind of looks like the sea with these colours,” he said fondly, and Eren returned his gentle expression, pleased at the approval. They had yet to see the ocean, but from the descriptions within his father’s books, they knew Armin’s fantasies and theories to be true, if yet witnessed. Hopefully that layer of the gift would mean something to Levi, too.

“Alright, shall we start on the sewing now?” Sasha asked, glancing at the clock at the far end of the room, “it’s pretty late, but I’m kind of pumped up.”

“Speak for yourself, I’m exhausted.” Connie grumbled, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “We could just do it tomorrow. The Captain won’t be back for another couple days.”

“Well, it’s not like we all need to be here for it.” Armin pointed out. “Only one or two people can work on it at a time; the piece of fabric is relatively small.”

“True. Does that mean I can get some shut-eye?” Connie asked again, yawning for emphasis. Sasha rolled her eyes and punched him in the arm, though it was half-hearted.

“Fine, you lazy ass. Go sleep.” She turned back to the rest of the group. “I’m happy to start sewing! I’m wide away! And also hungry!”

“Did you need to add that last bit on?” Jean asked scathingly, and Sasha pouted.

“Yep. It was supposed to be a subtle way of telling you to go make me a snack, but since you caught on I’ll just ask straight up. Can you make something?” Jean narrowed his eyes and continued to glare at her, and Sasha clasped her hands beneath her chin, adding a pitiful “please?” Jean scoffed, but uncrossed his arms and headed into the adjacent kitchen.

“Fine, fine. I’ll cut a loaf and some cheese, or something.”

“Thank you, Jean dearest!” She called, adding dramatic flair to her words, and Eren snickered.

“Well, I’m not much good at sewing, so I might head to the bunks as well.” Armin said, “good luck, I’m sure you guys have it in the bag.” He turned and waved over his shoulder, book resting under one arm, and headed after Connie. Mikasa sat down, taking the fabric into her hands and feeling the delicate texture of the silk, whilst Sasha tried and failed to thread a needle.

“I guess you two want to do the sewing?” Eren asked. He could wield a needle and thread relatively well, had been taught alongside Mikasa as a kid, but she and Sasha seemed more excited than he did to do the work. They nodded in unison.

“Actually, Eren, I wondered if you’d want to work on another part of the gift.” Sasha piped up, and Eren raised a brow, wordlessly urging her to continue. “Giving it to him just like this feels… well… underwhelming. You’re good at speeches, you even did one at breakfast yesterday about the Captain, so I thought you could write the letter to go with this.” She gestured to the fabric. Eren eyed the stationary set on the table, the same one that Levi had given to Jean for writing letters, and considered it for a moment.

“I feel like Armin is better with words than me,” he started, but Sasha shook her head.

“He’s smart, and definitely good with words, don’t get me wrong, but you’ve got this spark to what you say. Y’know what I mean?” Eren did not know what she meant.

“You’re passionate.” Mikasa clarified, “It shines through when you speak, so just write down what you would say. It’ll get all of our feelings across, I’m sure.”

“If you’re sure, then I’ll try, I guess.” Eren rubbed the back of his neck, pulling the paper and pen towards himself, feeling his brain go void of any and all words. He immediately looked back up to Sasha and Mikasa. “Help.”

“You can sleep on it, if you want.” Mikasa said calmly, offering Eren a reassuring smile. He returned it weakly, before picking himself up off the chair and turning to glance out of the windows, into the darkness of the night.

“I might take a walk. Not tired just yet.”

“Take a lantern.” Mikasa reminded him, before focusing fully on her sewing. Eren tucked the pen into his front pocket and folded one sheet of parchment into a little square, just in case he thought of anything to write on his walk.

He did as he was told, picking up a lantern and fumbling through a dresser for matches, lighting it with practiced ease before heading out the heavy double doors. The lantern was barely necessary, with the moon gleaming in the sky, a sliver of silver, and Eren breathed out shallowly at the sight, relaxing involuntarily.

He continued to traipse along the dirt path from the front of the fortress, familiar with the scenery even in the dark, but took a left turn a little further along, half sliding, half walking down the grassy banks, coming to a pause at the bottom. He could hear water faintly, and knew that their nearest river wasn't too far off. With a new goal in mind, he traversed the tall grass and sparse trees, only slowing down when his lantern’s light reflected off the glassy surface of the river. Eren sat down decidedly on the floor, crossing his legs and hunching over, breathing in the sweet night air.

The peace was inspiring, and he began to write.

-

Levi returned in the early hours of the morning, a few nights later, dark circles prominent beneath his eyes, hair and clothes out of place from the journey on horseback. It had been raining, and he was uncomfortably damp in his cloak.

His entire trip had been spent swamped in paperwork, with a frenzied Hange on the verge of collapse every time a new request or query was sent their way. The interview for the papers had stressed them out more than Levi had thought, and they ended up sleeping for half a day afterwards, clearly worn out. Levi was worn, too, but knew he could rest upon his return. Hange needed his help, now more than ever, and he would do whatever he had to to put his close friend at ease.

Quietly, he entered the fortress, unwilling to wake up any of his squad, hands numb from unsaddling his horse and a slight shake to his step as he walked through the empty corridor, before turning into the dining area on his way to the kitchen. He needed to heat up a pitcher of water, to stand by the fireplace to warm his hands and dry himself off, lest he freeze to death in his sleep. Silence surrounded him as he piled wood into the hearth, only broken by the crackling of the newborn flames as he dropped a lit match into the kindling. He stayed by the fire, nursing it until it grew steady, only then standing up and retreating to find a pitcher to fill.

He continued, ploughing forwards through a semi-familiar routine, his mind far away. Only once he had heated up the water until it was steaming did he let the fire die down, before carrying the weighted pitcher up flights of stone steps and into his bedroom. He slept apart from his squad, in a double bedroom - Captain’s privileges - and valued his own space more than ever on nights like this, when he was aching and exhausted, just desperate to scrub himself down and sink into his mattress.

After redressing in his nightshirt, Levi spared a cursory glance across his room, his eyes picking up on an unfamiliar object on the end of his bed. Equal parts curious and cautious, he approached it, picking it up and turning it over in his hands.

It was light. A feathery weight in his upturned palms, soft to the touch and smooth between the calloused tips of his fingers, a comforting feeling. Face settled into an inquisitive frown, Levi unfolded the fabric, which he soon identified as a cravat, eyes wandering across the intricate design flowing over the waves of silk. Delicate thread lined the layers, depicting a scenery that Levi couldn’t place, of lapping tides, oceanic blues, of things Levi had yet to see.

He put it around his neck experimentally, tying it as he always did, folding it neatly over the top. Sparing himself a glance in the mirror on his dresser, he was able to appreciate the pattern all over again, and the way it complemented the ruffles of the cravat when worn. Still smoothing the end of it with his fingers, he eyed the parchment folded on his bed, tied with a matching piece of blue thread.

Levi sat down, untying the cravat from his neck and folding it to wear the next day. He opened the letter with an unusual hesitance, unsure of its contents and the context of receiving such a thing, and from who? Erwin and Hange were the only people he had ever accepted gifts from, or rather, been forced to accept by, and now one of them was dead, the other back in the city, far away from him.

He took a deep breath and began to read, eyes slowly following the messy scrawl across the page.

To Captain Levi

Dear Captain

Dear Captain Levi

To Levi

Dear Levi,

I am currently sat by the river. You know the one, near the fortress, but just far enough away that you can’t hear it with the windows open. Where we let the horses drink at the start of a journey. It’s the middle of the night, and the moon is bright. I can see it reflected on the water. It’s very beautiful.

There are a lot of beautiful things. Sometimes it’s hard to see them. It’s been harder than usual lately. You probably    I’m sure   I know you feel it too. I think everyone does. That conversation we had before, a week or so ago by now, really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I keep thinking about our conversation    Mikasa said you told her to get more sleep     I’m sorry for all the crossing out, I’m struggling here. I don’t know how to write what I want to say. I think I’m better at talking in person. But I've been entrusted with this letter. The only reason I’m not restarting on a clean piece of paper is because I want you to know my  our sincerity.

Whilst you were gone, we talked. The squad and I, I mean. We talked about you, and the things you do to make people see the beauty of the world. I don’t even know if you know you do it, but you do. It’s been years since I’ve seen Armin so engrossed in a story, and even longer since I’ve seen Mikasa’s eyes so bright. Sasha has been so happy lately. I hear her humming in the kitchen. Connie and Jean keep smiling and making jokes. Despite all the bad things that have happened, the people here are happy. I’m happy.

And I think it’s because of you.

So this letter is a thank you, and an explanation for the gift. We worked together and made it whilst you were gone - everyone contributed. We all wanted to express our gratitude  thank you    I don’t know whether to write this letter formally or not. You are our Captain, but Mikasa recently said you “seem more like Levi” to her. (I think she’s grown fond of you). You are our Captain, but you’re also someone we look up to and trust in our day to day lives, not just on the field. So, thank you, Levi, for everything you do for us. Not just from me, but from the entire squad. From Armin, and Mikasa, and Jean, and Connie, and Sasha. And I’m sure from Commander Hange. And from every other person you’ve given to throughout the years. Thank you.

I keep thinking about our conversation from nights ago, and about doing the best we can with what we have, and although that was advice for me, I think it suits you, too. Except, you don’t only do your best for yourself, but for everyone around you. You always have, at least in my eyes, so thank you. Thank you. I could write it forever and it wouldn’t be enough.

We hope you like the gift.

-Eren, and the rest of Squad Levi

-

Levi didn’t show up for breakfast the next morning, and Eren knew he was not the only one who felt worried. Mikasa was gnawing on her lip, a bad habit of hers he thought she had dropped years ago, and Armin kept putting his book down, seemingly unable to focus. Jean paced around the kitchen, letting Sasha eat his portion of food. Connie simply lay on the table, before groaning loudly.

“Do you guys think we went too far?” He asked, sounding woeful. Jean stopped walking in circles for a moment, before shaking his head and resuming.

“Maybe my letter was bad.” Eren mumbled, still feeling uncertain about what he had written. “It was definitely bad.”

“It wasn’t bad.”

“Thanks, Mikasa.”

“Yeah, it was fine. Your handwriting is shit, though.”

“Gee, thanks, Connie.”

“Did he even arrive back last night?” Sasha asked, “We didn’t see him at all.”

“His horse is in the stables.”

“Oh.”

Silence stretched between them, only interrupted by Jean’s footsteps creaking on the wooden floorboards. After a few minutes, Connie pushed himself up, making a frustrated sound.

“Why don’t we just go see? If he’s back, he’ll be in the fortress somewhere.”

“The only other place Levi goes is his room, to sleep. If he’s not there, he’s probably avoiding us on purpose.” Eren grumbled, but stood nonetheless, deciding that Connie’s idea was better than moping around all morning. It seemed the rest of their squad agreed, standing and following Connie’s lead up the stairs, the atmosphere nervous, hushed mutters passing between them.

They approached Levi’s door as a group, looking between each other as if to ask ‘who’s gonna open it?’ After a moment of silent warfare, Armin sighed and rolled his eyes, reaching forwards to gently turn the handle, as quietly as possible. He pushed the door open a little, and each of them fought to peer around into Levi’s room.

An intake of breath was shared between them, as they saw their captain curled up beneath his bedsheets, chest rising and falling softly. Morning sunlight filtered through his window, coating the room in subtle gold, and highlighting the letter clutched in Levi’s hand where he slept. The cravat was folded neatly, resting right next to him on the mattress. Armin shared a giddy look with the others from where he stood at the front of their little group, before ushering them back out the door, closing it slowly to prevent making any noise.

“Guess he was just exhausted after his trip.” He whispered, “But I think he liked the gift.”

-

Levi finally joined them at noon, blue cravat noticeable yet complimentary against the pristine white of his shirt. He seated himself in his usual spot at the table, one that had been empty for many days, and looked up to six pairs of expectant eyes upon him. A beat of silence passed between them all, before Levi chuckled softly, offering a smile, open and honest, to the room.

“Thank you.”