Chapter Text
Loki had been king not even an hour before he was whisked off into meeting, signing documents. He didn't have time to get over his shock he was just forced to work hour after hour, confused and head spinning. Odin had fallen into Odin sleep 13 hours ago, 13 hours ago Loki became king of a kingdom he never wanted. He saw an opportunity and took it while the others were distracted arguing he used his sedir casting himself 'invisible' as Thor used to call it, really it was just a spell to keep attention off of him. He made his way to his favriote balcony that viewed all of Asgard and hung over the courtyard. He laid down on the balcony rail, his spin pressed firmly on the rail to keep balance and one leg dangling in the air the other bent on the rail.
He took a deep breath and let his voice sing away his worries for the first time in hours.
"The secret side of me
I never let you see
I keep it caged"
I kept it hidden, he thought.
"But I can't control it
So stay away from me
The beast is ugly
I feel the rage
And I just can't hold it"
I'm a monster, run. His own mind warned him.
It's scratching on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
It comes awake
And I can't control it
Hiding under the bed
In my body, in my head
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!"
I cant keep it in anymore, this is who I am. A monster! You were right all along...
"I feel it deep within,
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster"
You know it all makes sense now why you favoured Thor all these years because no matter how much you claim to love me you're gonna have a frost giant sitting on the throne of Asgard!
"My secret side I keep
Hid under lock and key
I keep it caged
But I can't control it
'Cause if I let him out
He'll tear me up
And break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this?
Make it end!"
Slay them all brother
"I feel it deep within
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster"
Somewhere down inside myself, I knew there was something wrong with me
"I feel it deep within
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster"
Why must you pretend nothing has changed?
"It's hiding in the dark
Its teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me
It wants my soul
It wants my heart"
A razor isn't that bad of an idea..
"No one can hear me scream
Maybe it's just a dream
Or maybe it's inside of me
Stop this monster!"
Why must I try-
"I feel it deep within
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become
The nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster"
-no matter how hard i tired-
"I feel it deep within
It's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I'm gonna lose control
Here's something radical
I must confess that I feel like a monster"
-Thor was always your favriote.
"I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster"
Loki swallowed down his tears and anger and was startle when a sudden clapping appeared below him. he sat up swiftly grabbing the rail before he could fall as his body tilted over the edge.
"I apologise your highness, we did not mean to startle you" Loki let a grin take over his face ignoring the other citizens who was watching with concerned faces, he only saw one person. "Aunt Snorri!".
He quickly teleported down in front of her as she smiled softly at her and without hesitation he gathered her into his arms for a hug she laughed and hugged him back. that's hen he realise who he was hugging, he blushed and stuttered pulling back his sedir washing over him into his ceremonial robes as he knelt in font of her.
"My apologies queen Snorri" she laughed again, "Rise nephew, if you remember correctly you are also king now" she smiled sadly as his smile suddenly dropped at the reminder.
"Come little one come talk to your auntie why you feel like such a monster" she mussed leading him away by the shoulder and his face flushed again but this time in shame. People had heard him they knew what failure he was, the queen had heard him.
"Loki, what's happening? why do you think your a monster?" his aunt asked him laying one palm on his knee a cup of tea in her other. The identical cup sat hot in his cupped hands but he did not feel the burn as he should have, he stubbornly stayed silent.
"darling this isn't fair on you, your mother" she scowled "should be here supporting you not by her husband side, you are too young for the throne let alone unaccompanied" she signed "i always knew something like this would happen, that idiot of a boy would always cause you trouble" she mumbled causing Loki to shrink in on himself more she caught the motion and smiled softly. "not you darling, I'm talking about your 'all glorious' brute of a brother" that pulled a small laugh from him.
"your uncle will alive in a few days he's just setting a few things back home but we will be here with you in your support the whole way the way your mother should be".
Loki was glad, he was always favriote his aunt and uncle and they always frowned towards his mother raised him.
"something happened" he said quietly. "I know darling, do you want to talk to me about it?' she asked
he shook his head eyes panicked, no he couldn't tell her they would leave him too.
she looked at him worried "darling nothing you say will change how your uncle and i see you" he hesitated and she smiled urging him on.
"I'm a monster" his voice cracked as the world monster got trapped in his throat.
"why do you feel that way?"]
"father told me" he say her jaw clench and her china cup crack under the stress of her grip, "did he now" she managed to get out through clenched teeth.
Instead of answering he closed his eyes and used his sedir to starting ripping away at the magic holding his fake skin up, he ripped at it so hard that he was surprised there wasn't blood, then he felt a warm rush of air blow past him and he opened his eyes catching the sight of blue hands his breath hitched and he cast his eyes away from his auntie.
"Oh Loki" she signed sadly, "Loki jotun's are not monsters, their just like you and me. They are a dying race trying to survive. They are nothing like Asgard teaches you, I promise you".
"They are the monsters mothers tell children about at night! they are monsters to gruesome that they need to be slaughtered" he breathed in deeply ignoring the odd feeling of his tears freezing on his new skin "when I am king I will slaughter them all, just like you father!" he cried imitating Thor. The scowl on his aunties face was enough to know she knew who he was quoting, "stupid boy" he heard her mutter.
"you are my little drengr, and nothing will ever change that" she said confidently.